#i want to study sally like a bug

[uraniumwriting]

The announcement of The Mermaid's Tongue (sequel to the amazing point and click mystery game, Tangle Tower) has me so hyped even though it's not coming out until likely mid-to-late 2024. It may be the one thing that gets me out of Alan Wake 2 brainrot and into a new brainrot

I played the demo two days ago and while I won't give many spoilers all I'm gonna say is Sally's a nerd and I cannot wait to find out exactly why she insisted on bringing her fantasy novel with her on a murder case

[glitterforashes]

𝐭𝐞𝐞𝐧𝐚𝐠𝐞 𝐝𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐦 ; 𝐬𝐚𝐥𝐥𝐲 𝐟𝐚𝐜𝐞 𝐝𝐫𝐚𝐛𝐛𝐥𝐞𝐬

>>> sally fisher and larry johnson as per usual, fluff, comfort for sal, usual tomfooleries for larry, lake hc’s. enjoy!

𝐬𝐚𝐥 𝐟𝐢𝐬𝐡𝐞𝐫 —

doesn’t like to swim, just sits on the shore

will get in to about waist length if you ask nicely

hates being splashed. will immediately get back out

brings his gameboy in case he gets bored

usually only goes with you, larry, ash and todd. wont go alone or one on one with anyone.

doesn’t wear just swim trunks, wears a tshirt over them

refuses to get his hair wet like a little girl

burns. so bad. needs to be absolutely slathered in sunscreen to not go up in flames

“sally, get in the water! it’s so waaarm!” you whined at him, wading through the lake that was surprisingly clear. even if you went deep, you could still see your toes beneath the water. “no, i’m good.” he called back to you, face hidden behind his beloved gameboy. you, todd and ash all stood about waist length in the water, just wading around and talking. sally refused to get in, and larry had run back to ash’s car to get the cooler. something was clearly wrong with sally. usually he’d get in, even if it was only to his ankles. with a pout on your lips, you slicked your hair back and climbed out of the water, set on finding out what was bothering your beloved boy. you plopped down on the rickety lawn chair next to him, crossing one leg over the other and facing your body towards him, giving him your utmost attention. “what’s the matter, sal?” you asked softly, gently running your fingers against his pale arm. “nothing. just don’t feel like swimming today.” he mumbled, keeping focus solely on the game. you looked at him, studying his face. “sal, i know there’s something wrong. what’s bugging you?” his shoulders slumped as he sighed, lowering the game boy. he looked over at you, vulnerability in his eyes. “are you interested in todd?” he asked, searching your face. your eyes widened. “what? no. where did that come from?” “just.. you two have been spending a lot of time together. it’s okay if you don’t want to be with me anymore.” your shoulders slumped and you reached out, gently brushing a few strands of hair away from his face. “no, sally. you’re the only one i want. besides.. i’m pretty sure todd swings the other way, if you know what i mean.” sal chuckled a bit, seeming to loosen up. “yeah. okay. sorry, (y/n).” you shook your head and leaned in, pressing a chaste kiss against the cheek of his mask. “nothing to be sorry for, sally-wally.” your laugh echoed across the lake as he physically cringed, you could practically see his face through the mask. “please. never call me that again.” “okay, sally wally pooh.”

𝐥𝐚𝐫𝐫𝐲 𝐣𝐨𝐡𝐧𝐬𝐨𝐧 —

wears big goofy goggles and swims down to the deep parts of the lake to find cool rocks for you.

religiously wears a goofy pair of duck print swim shorts.

ties his hair up in a bun, you love it.

REFUSES to wear sunscreen, always gets sunburnt. turns tan the next day, but complains about the sunburn until then.

likes it when you make sandwiches for him and bring them to the lake. tears them up. absolutely devours them.

sleeps on the ride back home.

likes going to the lake one on one with you, but will also go with the others.

likes to use water guns when the others are around.

“larry, please just put sunscreen on your shoulders if anything.” “no, (y/n)! sunscreen is for losers.” you hovered over him as he tugged goggles onto his face, heavily insistent on burning to a crisp. “sunscreen is not for losers, it’s for people who don’t want to get melanoma and look like a raisin by the age of twenty.” he huffed and spread his arms out finally, doing a little turn so you could coat all the visible parts of his body in sunscreen. luckily, it was the spray on kind, so his complaining was minimal. after that dramatic scene, you two were splashing about, scaring every fish within a ten mile radius. “larry! stop it, you’re getting water up my nose!” you screeched, coughing up and blowing out water from basically ever sinus you possibly could. he laughed as he bombarded you with comically large splashes, absolutely drenching your face and hair in the span of four seconds. that went on until you got close enough to grab a handful of his hair and shove his head under the water, effectively stopping his attacks and almost drowning him. you two went home soggy, tired, and hungry, collapsing onto his bed. lisa found you both hours later and snapped a picture. now, hanging on larry’s fridge is a candid shot of you and him, sprawled out across the bed, sheets wet, tangled in each others limbs. larry has his head at the foot of the bed and one of his legs hanging off the side, while you have your head resting against his abdomen and your legs propped up against the wall. however, the part lisa liked the most was the fact despite being asleep, you two had managed to find each others hands and interlock pinkies.

[chinchillasinunison]

Some more random bits of Welcome Home observation..............

So the concept of "eating with your eyes" Wally has going on calls to mind the idea of media consumption. Wally Darling absorbs what he needs through his eyes alone, passing his judgments purely on aesthetics (loves apples for the look, not the taste, to the point where he can't even recognize them in different forms). And that's got me thinking about all the varying sorts of creative expression depicted in Welcome Home.

Out of everyone in the neighborhood who has a special "thing," Wally's is the only one limited to two dimensions. The others involve the creation of a 3 dimensional object (Eddie's crafts and Poppy's baking), performance (Barnaby and Sally), or with physicality as a necessary component (Julie's games and Frank's bug catching/studying). You could say that compared to the others, his painting is... much more flat. Perhaps that could be a metaphorical reflection of his outlook? Wally has a vast field of view, but no depth perception, as it were?

The other detail that stands out to me in regards to everyone's "thing" is that Howdy... doesn't have one. Like... think about how weird that is for a second. He doesn't make anything original. He has others share with him their jokes, their ideas, their creations, in exchange for necessities like food. In the context of the in-universe show, what educational function is his segment supposed to serve? Simple: it conveys that art is a commodity that can be bought and sold. It's basically a microcosm of the life of an artistic professional without the middleman of currency.

So then....... what does that mean in the grand scheme of my "Wally is self-aware of his status as a children's TV show character and trying to monitor the neighborhood so the others don't grow beyond their initial roles" speculation? I think it gives a different potential motive to consider: self-preservation. Wally is aware that he is an art piece, but more importantly, that he is a product. Literally, the first line of his description beyond the opening blurb is that he is the most popular character in merchandise. The show must keep itself in top form so The Playfellow Workshop can sell, sell, sell those sing-along records and tie-in Little Golden Books and paper doll playsets. Otherwise? Well, Howdy doesn't just give away hot dogs for free, even if you're hungry. You need to pay for it. That's economics.

So Wally tries to keep the neighborhood agreeable. Palatable. Digestible. Apples always the same shade of red and as thin as the canvas he paints on. Only to swallow up with the eye, not to savor. Otherwise, if things get too complicated? Well, we all know the fate of the in-universe show....

Then again, still, I could be way off base. I just found all of this really interesting and want to share. And it has made me more suspicious of Howdy of all characters, so that's gotta count for something.

[averygayplant]

I'm tired and bored but my ADHD is keeping me awake anyway and it's bugging me, sooo take some fucking Lava headcanons

Kai came out because Sally started getting backlash for being an openly queer creator and (with permission from Cole) he decided to start dropping comments about 'his boyfriend' and watch the internet set itself on fire When he started getting backlash, his favorite response was "Ya'll are just mad that my man is prettier than you/your boyfriend" because Kai is absolutely a professional internet troll, you can't tell me otherwise.

Lava doesn't even know when they started dating, because trauma brain and hindsight muddles it all up. Like, they split up after Zane's, ah... disappearance in Rebooted, but did they realize they were a couple yet? Fuck if they know, because nobody else does either.

Hilariously, after the number of times Cole has faced falling from terrifying heights, he's still not really worried about them. Kai, on the other hand-

Kai and Cole stayed behind on that trip in seabound before shit hit the fan, not because Wu wanted to study elemental master shit or because someone needed to stay behind to keep an eye on things, but because he's well aware of their issues with water and pulled some excuses out of his ass to keep them in the monastery. Quietly supportive and overprotective old man Wu for the win. This had the added bonus of Ray figuring out Lava was a thing by an interesting 'prolonged eye-contact' interaction in the wee hours of the morning.

Kai's spent so long on the bounty and with the others that it gets to a point where he doesn't sleep as well without other people around. It doesn't even have to be Cole (it does help quite a bit though), just the awareness of somebody else's presence makes him sleep wayyyy better.

Cole has a fucking gigga-chad immune system. This, and the added bonus that he's the only one with a heat resistance to rival Kai's, he's usually the one to take care of him when he gets sick, since a 'fever' for Kai is actually 'first degree burns to the touch' (To add to this very briefly in a less than Lava related bit- Kai only gets a fever when his powers overcompensate and overload him. The same thing happens to the rest of the elemental masters if they push themselves and their powers too far. When this happens, until their body regulates and they've had proper rest, their powers will harm them just as easily as normal people. For example, Kai summoning embers in his hands will burn his fingers.)

Cole is the morning person between him and Kai. He'll roll out of bed at 6am looking refreshed and well rested while Kai will be just behind him, about to pass out again right there on his shoulder even though they got a reasonable amount of sleep.

And, as a bonus, one I only just came up with like less than 15 minutes ago: Cole obviously can and has lifted Kai up bridal style without breaking a sweat, but Kai can do it too with a little more struggle and has absolutely done so just to fluster Cole.

[iciwelcome-home]

Small Info of My Welcome Home AU - Welcome Mansion

There are obviously some differences in my AU of Welcome Home, so I'll give some for those who are interest in it.

Rich!Wally Darling is kinda vain about his looks (mostly his hair x3c), in the 5 feet heights, not much of a nice guy unless you're close to him, 'kinda' bossy and spoil (duh). He rarely smiles. He does still paint, but he keeps that hobby hidden, staring is still a thing, loves apples.

Home is known as Mansion, but when Wally was a toddler, he could pronounce 'Home' so Mansion accept it. Mansion can move things or help around using doors, floor broads or titles. (Like Casa in Encanto)

Reporter!Frank Frankly isn't as enthusiast in studying bugs, but he still finds them interesting. Plus Reporter!Frank would a tad shorter than Butler!Eddie

Butler!Eddie Dear is kinda buff due to wants to protect Wally from any danger, just in case Butler/Guard!Barnaby is sick or on breaks.

Butler/Guard!Barnaby and Maid!Sally can play the violins, trumpets or flutes.

Journalist!Julie and her siblings were farmers before starting their news business. Julie is known to wear disguises in order to get any juicy infos.

Puppets/Muppets coexist with humans, (and possibly toons, eh maybe). However, there are discrimination between them back in 70s or early 80s (Still trying pick what year during in my AU 😅).

There is/are some 'dark' rumors about the Darling Family. (Hence of the newscasts are trying to get in. Now what are they? Still working on it. I have either the death within the family or issue with the products the family created)

...And that's all. I'm still working on it. Hopefully my AU will be okay. And there'll be a CanonXOc thing in it. I do allow Y/N, of course. But first, let's see how this AU will go.

Go here if you want to see the roles of the cast of Welcome Home

[delusionalweirdothe3rd]

Posting about some Marley headcanons, because I like expanding on my ocs!

Her nickname, moth madame, is kind of like how Sally face got his nickname. People at school would probably try to bully her with it, but she thought it sounded cool so decided to own it.

100% listens to hey it’s pomplamoose, pomplamoose in general, vocaloid, etc.

She’s native to America, but is fluent in plenty of languages. German, Russian, French, Spanish, Japanese, Korean, English, Dutch, Ukrainian, A little bit of Hawaiian— the list would go on. Essentially, she’s the gal you go to for help on your dual language studies.

Why does she know this many languages? She wants to know how to speak every language in the world, even ancient ones. She’s not just interested in bugs and biology, but the world in general.

Theatre kid theatre kid theatre kid

I make a lot of headcanons, I really like fleshing out my characters and I think that making headcanons really help with that!

[neon-u-dumb-shxtty-child]

Hiii bestie I'm here to share my ideas for a Phineas and Ferb au :] (tried not to make this too long ee)

Wally: Phineas, Barnaby: Ferb, Julie: Isabella, Frank: Baljeet, Eddie: Buford, Poppy: Perry, Sally: Candace, Home: Linda/Lawrence, Howdy: Doof

Ages: Wally, Julie, Eddie: 10. Barnaby, Frank: 11. Sally: 16, Poppy: 17, Howdy: 29, Home: 42

Wally has lots of ideas and is less talkative than Barnaby but he does talk. he and Barnaby are inseparable.

Barnaby (contrary to Ferb) talks a lot. He's the one explaining what they're doing and is there to help Wally make his idea a reality

Julie is the energetic girl next door! she can either have no crush, a crush on Wally, or a crush on Barn. idk man

Frank is a nerd but isn't afraid to get dirty. catch this kid digging in the dirt and climbing trees for science! loves bugs still ofc. in denial about a possible crush on Eddie.

Eddie isn't a bully, but does have personal space issues. he'll pick up his friends, etc without asking. this especially annoys Frank bc he's usually the victim of this. by hypothetical mid season 2 Eddie gets some character development and learns to respect personal space more. he has a crush on frank

Home is Wally and Barnaby's guardian. He adopted them separately. doesn't believe Sally and thinks she's exaggerating their shenanigans for Dramatic Effect.

Sally is their next door neighbor and Poppy's best friend. she's at Wally's house so often bc she's nosy and is determined to prove to Home that these kids are building rollercoasters in the backyard.

Poppy "doesn't do much" but is secretly a young secret agent and the most anxious one. she's good at her job tho! she's the other nextdoor neighbor and Sally's best friend.

Howdy is,, an evil inventor/capitalist? he's got Big Ideas and Inventions but they always end up evil. he doesn't get along with his family except for his nephews. He and Poppy are nemeses

PHINEAS AND FERB AU?? THIS ATE SO HARD I LOVE THIS

Wally and Barnaby having the Phineas and Ferb dynamic but switching the talking roles is so cool. Wally has too many ideas and Barn is happy to help!

Julie being their friend and not having a crush is honestly how I can see it, maybe she feels a little left out in the neighborhood and that’s why she’s constantly hanging around them? Gives her more motivation to stick around besides Isabella’s crush in canon

Frank and Eddie having crushes on each other but being in denial is adorable. Eddie likes Frank and is super physical about it, which annoys Frank but probably also makes him happy knowing Eddie’s comfortable enough to be doing that- they’re in love your honor

Home being Wally and Barnaby’s guardian makes me so happy idk why. Him just being a parent who goes along with his kids’s wacky ideas and ignores the neighbor girl constantly telling him about the inventions they make every day is great. I can totally see him knowing about it and keeping it secret so his kids can enjoy themselves

Sally seriously wanting people to know about the kids and their inventions makes me laugh so hard. She’s trying so hard and no one believes her besides Poppy

Poppy tries her best even if she’s nervous. I think if she’s taking Perry’s role, she can sometimes be Wally and Barnaby’s babysitters just for the “hey, where’s Poppy?” bit

Howdy as an evil scientist my beloved, I’d marry him <3

Howdy and Poppy beefing is so funny to me because I can totally see Poppy being terrified every time it happens but still defeating Howdy through either his own incompetence or some crazy circumstances

Blud is 29 beefing with a 17 year old lmao

Howdy, successfully putting Poppy in a trap: hahah u die now

Poppy: no I have an English test tomorrow I need to study-

Howdy: oh shit my bad

I adore this, it’s actually super cute. Just a nice wholesome au of everyone being silly and having summer fun! What’s not to love!

[inposterumcumgaudio]

Harold Ridgwell

Dr. Ridgwell is one of two Doctors with a unique texture (the other being Dr. Hughes). Unlike the stock Doctor skin that features a green Tyrolean hat and yellow wellies, his hat and boots are red. Practically, as with Hughes, this is to help the player identify the particular Doctor they are meant to be seeking out in a malpractice of them. Dr. Ridgwell is currently head of Wellington Health and since Dr. Hughes is the only named Doctor working at Haworth Labs, we can perhaps assume that Hughes is head of the Doctor contingent there.

My favorite thing about Dr. Ridgwell is this memo he wrote admonishing the staff and students for complaining about being made to study botany. Aside from the respect to disciplines peripheral to his own, it also indicates that this is a guy who is aware of the broader community and industry. Which, you know, actually a good thing for an organization like Wellington Health.

Also the criticism of Sally's ability to go into business for herself rather than work towards the greater good. Which is something I rarely see talked about actually. Like, in a post-war England - especially an isolationist one that lost said war and is suffering shortages of all kinds - Sally's abrupt departure from Haworth Labs would be considered selfish and unpatriotic. You do see others in the game approach the precipice of calling her out for this (Harry Cavendish's glib statement that "when love fades, you must move on"; Dottie Lloyd-Ramsey saying that she might have told Verloc that Blackberry wasn't based on Coconut) but their English propriety prevents them from outright saying that her selfishness has caused civic and personal suffering.

Although really, what Ridgwell is criticizing isn't that Sally has elected to profit off her skills rather than put her shoulder to the wheel, so much as that she's been allowed to. Back in his day, if you were that valuable to the town, they wouldn't let you play dickdick with them about it.

Anyway, Ridgwell's also aware of the shortages in his own organization and in the town's population. In this other note to the admissions director, he points out that the populace simply does not have many people in it who can qualify for training as Doctors. Aside from the bad Joy taking out possible applicants that he mentions, there's also the fact that Doctors have a height (i.e. strength) requirement on top of the intellectual demand of the job. Wellies are malnourished (which results in shorter, weaker people), but Doctors still have to be able to lift and restrain patients. Especially with so many of them being plague Wastrels these days. It's like that fungus gives them extra strength or something.

But let's be real, you probably asked about Ridgwell because you want the tea on his rivalry with Verloc.

I mean, Ridgwell obviously has opinions about the guy.

That said, the environmental storytelling of Wellington Health is complicated. The motilene-filled room with Ridgwell's draft letter and the chest? I remember the level designer blogging about designing the environmental storytelling in that area, but I have no clue what the story is supposed to be there. Like, Ridgwell doesn't seem like he's planning to bug out otherwise. That the admissions office has been converted into plague wastrel patient cells? I mean, I guess if you can't find students, you don't need the offices, but there's nothing saying they need the space otherwise. Both of those things are just sort of there, you know? They don't go anywhere with it.

I honestly think this part of the story and accordant level was one of the most contested and revised areas, particularly with regard to what was supposed to be happening here. Then, because of the confused environmental storytelling, there was also confused supposition in the fanbase as to what it all meant.

That is, because of this statue in here, people assumed it meant that Verloc used to be head of Wellington Health. after all, Ridgwell donated a fuck-off big statue for his own office, surely an egomaniac like Verloc would have too.

I do not think this is the case.

Usually when I have a question like this, I start digging around in Poedit to get hints as to what the intent might have been. If I can see what was or where they might have been headed, then I can usually assume whether a detail was revised or jettisoned. But there's nothing in there suggesting that Verloc was head of Wellington Health at any point. And I also think that he's too young to have become head of this organization while still having to work in subordinate roles at Haworth Labs. If he'd become head of Wellington Health, going to Haworth Labs would only make sense as a lateral move, especially for a guy with an ego like Verloc. One does not go back down the ladder. A guy who was head of Wellington Health does not write a letter like this.

But... I have a concept.

Verloc has two statues in Wellington Health. One in the hallway, that he apparently donated himself.

And the toppled one in Ridgwell's office.

That the one in Ridgwell's office is knocked over and vandalized and not just removed entirely suggests that Ridgwell's ascension to that role is recent. And as I supposed in that other post about Verloc and Haworth, there are no statues of Haworth at Wellington Health despite inventing Joy, but there are these statues of Verloc. Suggesting that Haworth is not a Wellington Health alumnus, but since Verloc is, they can be proud of and take some credit for his becoming head of the other (competing) medical organization in the town.

What if the previous head of Wellington Health then considered Verloc's acquisition of Haworth Labs to be his own vicarious greatest accomplishment? I mean, this guy probably taught Verloc, maybe thought he was quite promising. Verloc does have that effect on people after all. Maybe this guy even thought he was raising up a protegé.

But Verloc's also fairly good at hiding his disdain for the people of Wellington Wells and he doesn't need a mentor at this point because he's young and invincible and his uncle is still alive. Also, he has no intention of serving the greater good. So regardless of whatever machinations this former director had for him, Verloc gets his degree and defects to Wellington Health's competitor. Which, that's fine, this former director thinks. Brings Haworth Labs into the Wellington Health fold to have it under the watch of an alumnus. Or so he might have hoped.

Ridgwell clearly never liked Verloc, stating particularly that his refusal to share his healthy test subjects with them is not unexpected. I don't think they were students together, but rather that Ridgwell may have been a professor at the time. Might maybe even advised the former director against investing so much energy into Verloc above other more reliably tempered students.

And he was right. Verloc refuses to collaborate or share resources, which hinders progress for both organizations and is very modern and unbecoming behavior typical of the youth these days. Would that they could just be conscripted still.

So shit plays out how it do, former director puts a statue of Verloc up in his office because he's just so damn proud, but isn't it actually sad because that's not even his accomplishment, it's that of a student who probably thinks about him only as a stepping stone to where he actually wanted to be, if at all. Indeed, we don't even know this guy's name because he's ultimately unimportant.

And when Ridgwell succeeds him, he knocks down that monument to misplaced pride and replaces it with one celebrating his own achievement.

What a familiar pose he chose!

And why not? If anyone is going to save Wellington Wells with the next big medical breakthrough, it'll probably be someone who can work well with others and is willing to entertain disciplines beyond his own field of study.

[darkfictionjude]

Sally being nice is allowed since he's our brother and has always been this way (shout out to mr toxic positivity). a family where they all hate/luke warm on mc is a family that sucks, easy to leave and remove any chance of plot. a family where one member actually likes you? gives you a reason to tough the bullshit out and stick around no matter how painful it is.

Imre being nice is sus because he has never interacted with us in the past outside of required social niceties, and now he wants to be nice to us specifically so he can study us like a bug? ruin what little faith in humanity we have left? we're suddenly interesting even though the only known change is that we were gone for two years? absence makes the heart fonder i guess, probably not but funny idea that he missed the town jester/freak only when they were forcibly removed Like, i'll let him, but if we get the chance to just bite him i'll pick it.

-many asks nonnie

The thing is even if sally was awful mc would still need to go because they have no life skills, they might also be under some conservatorship or something less extreme but still legally not seen as a independent adult as well. This is just a little note as to how mc could still be in this situation, not being allowed to leave it, I didn’t make sally nice to make mc stay I did it because I go with what feels right when I create characters and sally felt nice when I first envisioned him. But you’re right in saying sally has always been this way so it’s easier to accept it then Imre.

Also that idea is fun and ironic that Imre could miss something he never had when it’s finally gone, dickhead (affectionate).

P.s. nonnie for a while there I think I had you confused with another nonnie until I say they had a little emoji and you didn’t 💜

[fastcardotmp3]

okay i have 2 questions: 1) how did you come up w the idea for metamorphoses (like what was the initial inspiration/idea behind it?) & 2) what are some of the fics you want to write this year 👀

and a personal question while im here: favorite snack & movie

(okay that was four questions sorry dhdhhd)

dearest alex hi hello! I have answers for you!

1) the very very first spark of the idea was still post Kas possession Eddie recovering from All That, but it was gonna be more of a ~15k oneshot with more broad strokes and less of the detail woof and THEN it was going to be four chapters covering the first year of recovery and THEN it was FINALLY the slow burn deep dive featuring [redacted because you're not caught up spoiler zone spoiler zone] that it is now because I had a flash of inspiration when I was writing the chapter 1 outline (: this process happened over the course of like 4 days max too I got the Eddie comes back wrong bug and ran with it, but mostly I was just grabbed by the need to see an Eddie after something like that in which it's not easy to reclaim his ownership of his own body but he still gets to heal

2) oh god so many I wish I had the time and energy to work on more than one thing at a time because-

Robin POV dead steve fic/ maybe a 5+1 dead steve fic? I need to write about dead steve

10+ year steddie slow burn ft. transplant California boy Eddie

NancyxChrissy because if no one will give it to me I will write what I want to see

the comphet nancy character study I've written 1k of in docs

any number of AUs that I can still do the fun challenge of inserting UD/ supernatural nonsense in where it might not otherwise belong (see: the when harry met sally; the west wing etc aus I've talked about on here)

favorite snack: chips and salsa <3

favorite movie: the most honest answer is this question gives me brain static because I'm such a movie dweeb and not being able to pick one during ice breakers is my toxic trait

💖💖💖

[upslapmeal]

who are your top 10 taskmaster contestants ever?

I may have not answered this straight away so I could think about it and then during that time forgotten about it...but here we are!

I feel as though a lot of the time I don’t have favourite individual contestants but favourite dynamics and groups so sometimes my favourite contestants from a series will be multiple people lol, so in no particular series order:

Romesh - honestly I love s1 and starting the first task with Romesh absolutely smashing that watermelon on the floor was such a strong move, long live the tree wizard

Mel - oh gang, just a delight to watch but the whole s4 lot worked really well together in general (I’d say Noel did least for me but still good)

Mark+Nish plus Sally - you’ve got Nish and Sally bringing completely different directions of insanity (one very competent and one...not.), and the Mark and Nish team finally succeeding in the song for a stranger was *chef’s kiss* (it feels wrong to leave Aisling and Bob out of this but I’m trying to not just say everyone!)

Jessica plus James+Rhod - love her earnestness and she gets one of my favourite comments (”it’s frustrating, isn’t it Greg, when you’re asked to complete a task under pressure”), and what other contestant has part of the show’s infrastructure named after them? and then do I really need to explain James and Rhod? (same as above for leaving out Phil and Kerry, s7 is one of the faves)

Joe Thomas - just a weird guy. I think of him whenever I smell tomatoes on the vine.

Rose - shid. (shoutout to Baddiel for driving Ed insane)

Katherine Parkinson - she and Alex were a team! s10 is fairly low in my rankings but little can beat Katherine wondering if she is, in fact, the spider

Jamali and Wozniak - the star of Taskgames and the creator of the absolute casserole. honestly huge respect to Jamali for just going in and stomping on as much as possible, and Wozniak has an incredible way with words (honourable mention to children’s tv presenter Charlotte Ritchie)

Victoria - Ol’ Goosebumps Arm, incredibly intelligent, absolutely useless except when it comes to codebreaking. 

Bridget and Judi - I genuinely think these two may be the contestants that have made me laugh the most, I want to study their brains like a bug under a microscope. also Sophie and Ardal and Chris. top tier series.

also as a bonus since it’s not Taskmaster Proper but the whole NZ2 cast, if I had to pick one then it would be David but I genuinely think they may be my favourite cast overall. maybe.

[thelittlestspider]

i think the appeal of when harry met sally is they want to study each other like a bug.

[alex-is-weird-666]

Man in the Forest (Sally Williams x Father!Male!Reader)

(Might make another part, I'm not sure ~ Alex)

Warning: Swearing, wholesomeness

  "Slender...What do you mean by...surprise?"

  "Well, you see...Kate should be arriving with a surprise soon...in which I need to you to care for..."

  "WAIT! What do you mean care for?"

  By then the telepathy between both creatures cut off. The man let out a sigh of defeat and waited patiently. Y/n was a demon who just wanted to spend his time inside his quiet forest. Yet again Slender had to interrupt his peace in life. And knowing Kate, he would have to wait till dark until she got there.

A few Hours Later

  Y/n's head fell over and a little saliva slipped from his mouth and landed on the couch.

BANG BANG!

  Y/n jumped and looked at the wooden door. Next to the wooden door, the blurry gray window revealed two shadows waiting patiently for him.

...

  The moon was out and a gust of wind blew past him as he opened the door.

...

  "Please put on your mask sir."

  In front of him stood two people. The notorious Kate the chaser and a little girl behind her.

Hiding. Watching.

  Those big green eyes stared holes of hatred towards Y/n. He felt startled to know such a kid had a deep hatred for him on the first time encounter.

  His eyes stared at the small girl before slowly taking his eyes off her and grabbing his mask attached to his belt. He put on the kitsune masked in which turned red as he had some unwelcomed guest.

  His eyes glowed behind his mask and as he demanded his question, "Why has Slender sent this child to me?"

  "Her name is Sally and Slender is off to an important event. He doesn't trust anyone to watch over her and so here we are sir."

  "That insolent Slender. I raised him and his brothers and now he thinks I can babysit whenever he needs me to. HA, this must be a joke."

  "I can assure you sir that this is not a joke."

  Y/n grumbled in annoyance, his mask turned red. He kneeled on the ground and signal the girl to come closer. The girl denied coming closer but soon relinquished. She took a few steps at the man staring right at her.

  The man suddenly reached out and grabbed her face, twisting it in every angle. He examined her facial features and the blood running down her face, He could already sense she was dead...as well as scared.

  She didn't hate him...she was terrified of him.

  The girl gently touched his face and his masked turned pink. His eyes widened for a second before gently patting her on her head.

  "Put your bags inside. I need to speak to Kate." The girl squeaked and scurried inside with her backpack and brown teddy bear.

  "Kate, what happened to this Sally girl?"

  He gestured behind him.

  "What do you mean Sir?"

  "Don't give me any of that bullshit."

  Y/n tapped his foot impatiently. Kate sighed and brushed her black hair out of her face.

  "Her uncle. That bastard did unspeakable deeds to her and then bashed her head with a rock. Slender found her and took her in. Now she's scared of men who she does not find trustworthy. There happy?" Kate whispered in a husky voice.

  Y/n hummed and went into deep thought before flicking Kate away.

  "Go on your way, Shoo Shoo"

  "Sir?"

  "Hm?"

  "Go fuck yourself"

10 minutes later

  The man tapped his shoe while looking down at Sally, who sat on the couch.

  "What to do with you...hmm..."

  "Y-You could feed me some cookies with milk..."

  Y/n reluctantly went to the kitchen counter and took out a tray from the cupboard.

  His kitchen and living room were connected as he lived in this log cabin. The only separate rooms were his bedroom and the bathroom.

  He grabbed some cookies and placed them on the plate and served a cup of milk.

  He picked up the two items and placed them on the wooden table in front of the small girl.

  She squealed in delight and Y/n couldn't help but feel proud of his accomplishment. Making this girl happy despite their clear dislike for each other.

  This girl had not stopped glaring at him since Kate left.

  Sally happily munched on her cookies. Ignoring the obvious stare the man gave her. He seemed to be studying her like a bug pinned on a wall.

  "...Papa says your a good man..."

  "Papa?...Oh, Slender."

  "Is that true...?"

  "Look kid, your papa is a lying piece of shit so don't believe anything that comes out of him."

  "But didn't you raise Papa?"

  "Yeah-"

  "So you must be a good man!"

  Y/n grumbled a bit, hiding his face full of embarrassment even though he was wearing a mask.

  Sally giggled.

  After Sally finished her cookies, they changed into their pajamas. They both decided to sleep on the bed together, even when he offered to sleep on the couch.

  "Sally, why did you request to sleep on the same bed?"

  "..."

  Y/n raised his eyebrow but chose not to further question the matter. Instead, he turned around to take off his mask. Trying to hide his face knowing the girls clear dislike towards males.

  Then he felt a tug on his sleepwear. He turned around by accident meeting the girl's eyes. She gave a small smile.

  "Mister...I sometimes have nightmares where Charlie can't protect me...I prefer for someone to be there for me..."

  She tightly hugged the stuffed bear(or charlie if you prefer) in front of her.

  Y/n lightly smiled and covered up the girl more. The girl smiled and they both snuggled up together. And so they fell asleep covered in each other's warmth.

[the-fiction-witch]

I'm Scareoused

Media Lewis The Mind Has Mountains 

Character Adam Douglas

Couple Adam X reader

Rating Sweet Af + Flirty

Concept Dream Woman

I sat in the study room while max was working on his stuff from his Modernisum intro,

"How's stuff with Lillian?"

"Hum?" I asked as I had kinda drifted off a little

"Lillian?" He asked

"Ohh gone."

"Gone?" he laughed

"Yeah gone, I fucked her off"

"why?"

"she was bugging me, too clinging all the damn time. I couldn't even go to my classes without her being attached to my damn hip"

"Fair enough"

"what about Sally?"

"Gone," I shrug

"Alice?"

"I think we both know the answer"

"Gone?"

"yep"

"Amy?"

".... Well"

"Gone?"

"Yep"

"You don't have the best luck with women do you adam?"

"I don't like most girls, every girl I go on a date with I find out something later I don't like." I explained

"There is this thing called compromise?"

"why? If I'm not into it I'm not into it"

"Yeah but you can't dump every girl you date once you find something you don't like about them you could overlook it if you really like them?"

"I likely could but I just, never liked anyone that much"

"Okay so...."

"so?"

"If I was in a lab"

"Oh god. Max nothing good starts in a lab"

"Just hear me out"

"if I could make you... like the perfect woman."

"I don't want a robot"

"No, Just... work with me here Adam"

"You're not going to glare at me are you?"

"I mean I might. if your into weird shit"

"Okay" I sighed "If I could design the perfect woman. She'd be... the kinda girl that would rather sit in our dorm and watch horror movies the go out dancing, the kinda girl who's dream date is like going to a old listed building like the manor houses and huge gardens across the UK, The kinda girl who's seen stephen king movies, more then just the shinning and It stuff like maximum overdrive and The pet cemetery the original, The Kinda girl who walks around with gothic classics in her handbag, The kinda girl with tattoos and Cool witch nails, Coloured hair and vampire lipstick, the kinda girl who wants a movie on Marry shell's life. The kinda girl who loves time Burton but thinks nightmare before Christmas is overrated as fuck, Who knows like everyword to a dark musical like phantom or heathers, someone who just wants to cuddle on an autumnal night and watch true crime with me"

"..... uhhhhhhhhh"

"Go on. shame me I'll take it"

"I think you want a goth chick"

"No. I don't like goth chicks"

"..... don't you?"

"No goth chicks take like six hours doing the crazy intricate make up and getting crazy body mods and death metal music, I want a.... alternative girl."

"Hu"

"what?"

"I... you know how they say when you like vocalize things they happen"

"Yeah?" I asked as I looked up at him he sat looking out the study room door wide-eyed he simply pointed out the door so I turned in my seat and immediately saw what he meant.

outside the door was of course most of the other srtufy rooms many of which shut up tightly with the large bank of vending machines full of monster, red bull, cheetos and other snacks for the average uni kid  and at said vending machines was... her

She- she was beautiful.

As if someone went into my mind and picked out my fantasy and dropped her into reality,

She had these slightly heeled black combat boots, these grey glaxay leggings, a black and white stripped crop top, a sweet purple pinafore dress with a front chest pocket with an embrioided cat face, a back pack with bat wings and a little needle hand keychain similar to the one from coraline, she had a this black hair dip died purple, this sweet make up not to much make up so much you could see her freckles but this beautiful vintage red lipstick, she was kicking the vending machine as it had took her money and not given her whatever snack she had selected, she was mad kicking the machine until a few bags of chips fell but even then she wasn't happy

"Gimme my magic stars!" she yelled

"Speak and it shall appear" Max laughed

"Yeah." I nodded

"How you feeling?" he asks

"I'm scareoused."

"You're what?"

"Scared. and aroused."

"scared?"

"That she just magically appeared like that"

"and aroused?"

"Becuase she is literally my fantasy. Like.... I came to that last night"

"Cool. what are you gonna do about it?"

"I'm going to see where she magically came from. and see if I can also cum to that tonight"

"I mean either way your going to"

"I will but its weather to not she's involved really" I shrug grabbing my bag and heading out into the corridor where she was still beating up the machine "Hey"

"Hi" she says as she worked

"Uhh its okay this machines a dick I'll pay it'll always come out on the second rotation" I offered getting some cash from my wallet putting it in the machine for her and getting her the magic stars she wanted infact the whole row came off due to her violet kicking off the machine

"Thanks." she smiled getting on her knees to load up her backpack so I moved down too to help her "Here you can take this stuff" she smiled giving me the other snacks that had come down from her kicking

"Thanks, Adam" I smiled

"Y/n"

"I uhh I've not seen you around before? whats your major?"

"Creative writing."

"Really? I uhh I'm a classic literature"

"Ohh, classic boy" she smiled "I pop into your guys lectures sometimes they inspire me"

"Do they?" I smiled "Uhh y/n would it be imposing? if maybe I asked... for your number?"

"Yeah?"

"yeah"

"why?"

"So maybe you and me could... organize and maybe go see that new conjuring movie?"

"sure" she smiled grabbing her phone from her handbag a large but battered phone in a black spell book case with a voodoo doll head handing off like a phone charm we traded numbers and she smiled "But I'm not to bothered about the new conjuring, but have you seen that new slasher yet?"

"what Bodybag four?"

"Yeah!"

"No no I've been wanting to go for ages"

"well maybe we'll organize that instead I'll handle the snacks" she smiled

"Yeah that sounds great"

"Good, I'll text you" she smiled "see you around adam" she says getting up and heading out

"see ya y/n, I'll text you later!"

"You better" she smiled heading out the doors

"so?" Max laughed as he had been watching all that

"I belive I may be in love"

"may?"

"shut up max"

[melancholic-pigeon]

Too Short For Ao3 Fic #3? 4?

SO this is the extended edition of the bonus wip I did with Sally's birthday. The overall fic it belongs to is Extremely Smutty, so I went in and revised out the brief references and I'm posting the family-centric g-rated stuff for anyone who wants that but not the smut! Cough.

Also, I felt bad about missing WIP Wednesday again. Lolsob.

Percy rouses at around eleven PM to a sketch of himself on Jason's pillow. There's a note on the other side. 

I wanted to wake you up to say goodbye, but you looked so comfy I didn't have the heart to. your mom's presents are in the bag by my desk. say hi to everyone for me. I'll call tomorrow anyway.

love you to the moon and back.

-J. ❤

Complete with a little red heart. He doesn't even care that the doodle of him next to it, burritoed in a pile of blankets, includes a little spot of drool— he can tell by the rest of his cartoony, ballpoint features that Jason put it in because he thinks it's cute.

(And by the fact that he's said so, several times.)

Percy gathers up his junk. The cornflower blue sweatshirt he steals goes halfway down his fingers. He's come to accept that at six foot three and counting, Jason is the taller of them and always will be— barring some sort of horrible wood-chipper accident or curse from a grumpy deity. 

Fortunately, there's something about looking up to meet someone's eyes that Percy finds incredibly attractive. He has since Annabeth outgrew him for the first time in eighth grade. 

He heads out in his own jeans and the boxers he packed and the sweatshirt that smells like cinnamon. Once he boards the train, he stands with his arm around a pole and the other holding the bag against his chest, and tries to stay casual and keep the grin off his face.

It's almost midnight when he gets home. His mom, of course, is still awake, so he heads into the living room to greet her.

"My other half says hello."

There's a pile of presents on the coffee table. He puts the bag with the rest of them and sits down, kissing her cheek.

"He didn't have to get me anything." She closes her book and eyes the bag with a fond sigh. "How is he?" 

Percy's the same way she is, always happy to do favors and give gifts, but feeling pretty awkward about receiving them. Jason's even worse, the three of them in an ongoing and circular competition to never let any of it go reciprocated. 

"Working too hard, as always. Pulling As and winning games and barely sleeping to do it. His stepmother's up his ass and his father's a bully, so, you know, news at eleven." He leans his head onto her shoulder. "That's why he gives you stuff. He's trying to show you how much he appreciates you." 

She sighs, and Percy knows it's because she's just as frustrated by the whole thing as he is. 

"He knows I appreciate him too, I hope." 

"Without a doubt." Percy smiles at her, watching as she goes a little pink and smiles back. "You have a talent for making him feel appreciated." 

"He treats my baby like a prince," she says softly. "That's why I appreciate him so much in the first place. How could I do anything else?"

Percy turns his face into her shirt collar, another futile attempt to hide his goofy expression, 

"He really does, doesn't he?"

Holding doors, pulling out chairs, offering an arm on unsteady streets. Jason's never laid his coat over a puddle, but Percy's pretty sure he would, if the option presented itself. 

His mom starts playing with his hair, her fingers light and familiar.

"I'm just happy you're happy, sweetheart."

He knows that feeling too. 

Half asleep from the petting, Percy lets himself be a little babyish. It's after midnight now, which means it's her birthday, and he knows that sometimes she misses when he was Estelle's age and little enough to curl up in her lap. He's way too big for that now, obviously, but he can still slide down the couch and rest his head there. 

"You too, Mama." 

She looks at him, her eyes misty with emotion and almost green in the light.

She's smiling, too. 

She smiles a lot, these days.

—

In the morning, Paul makes coffee while Estelle helps unwrap the avalanche of presents. She's at the age where ripping paper makes her squeal with hysterical laughter, which worms its way into Percy's heart and melts it into pudding. 

Several of them are from Percy's friends, including a handbound book of original recipes from Leo, a lovely silver bracelet inset with mother-of-pearl that Beckendorf made himself, and a huge sheathed knife with a matching decorative handle from Clarisse. The last one makes his mom snort as she gets up to put it on the bookshelf, out of reach of curious toddler hands. 

"Decorative. Sure." 

"I bet she'd teach you how to use it if you asked." 

"I know how to use a bowie knife, dear. Your father and I used to catch and cook our own fish when we went camping."

"Which reminds me, he still hasn't taken me out," Paul cuts in, frowning. "I've been saving up dad jokes and embarrassing stories for four years."

"I'll bug him about it the next time we talk," Percy promises. "It's probably the ADHD." 

"Do you want me to bug you about bugging him?" 

"If you haven't set something up by blueback season, yeah." 

Percy and Paul went in on a pound of jasmine tea, which his mom reaches for next. She immediately asks for a cup— it's one of two days out of the entire year where she lets other people wait on her, for a change, and even that took a lot of cajoling. 

Paul makes the tea, since Percy usually scalds the leaves and it turns out tasting like grass. She probably wouldn't complain anyway, but it's her birthday, and she deserves to have the best tea that can be made in their kitchen. 

"Is the last bag from Jason?" Paul sets the mug on a coaster in the middle of the coffee table, and Percy scoops the baby into his lap so she doesn't try to grab it. She mashes her tiny hand against his cheek.

"And Thalia. I'm not sure if they went in on stuff or he just packed them both in one bag to make it easy." 

Either is a possibility. He watches as his mom reaches in and pulls out a large wrapped frame, Thalia's spiky handwriting answering the question. 

Whatever's inside, it makes her shut her eyes and exhale deeply through her nose. 

"Please pass on that I am absolutely furious."

She turns the frame around. An autographed vinyl EP of Sign O' the Times by Prince— one of the albums Percy grew up on, though she skipped a number of the songs when he was little. Thalia must have spent a fortune on it. 

"That woman is incredible," Paul breathes, lightly touching the glass. "How does she get this stuff?" 

"See!"

"She has friends in high places." Percy grins as Estelle reaches for the album, and holds her over the glass so she can touch it too. "She's also really good at barter chains."

His mother shakes her head, but he can tell how delighted she is— the two of them have spent hours animatedly talking about music, Thalia hanging on every word and groaning with jealousy over the concerts his mom went to in the eighties. 

"I know exactly where I'm going to put it." 

Thalia got her a turntable for her fortieth birthday last year, as well as a full set of replacements for every worn-out record in their collection— and had the originals framed too, since they had sentimental value. They're currently occupying the better part of two walls of his mom's study. 

There's a blank spot by her bookshelf, right underneath the first copy, that the autographed album will fit into perfectly. Percy grins. 

"I'll hang it up for you later."

She doesn't argue. There's only Jason's left, his careful print written out across the same paper Thalia used. The crinkling draws Estelle's attention, and she gleefully reaches over to help tear it off.

Their mom gasps at what's inside and puts a hand to her mouth, her eyes going bright.

It's a watercolor portrait of Percy and Estelle, laughing by the shoreline. She's dressed in a little bucket hat, a ruffled swimsuit patterned to look like a clownfish and the coolest shades in the world— sparkly blue frames shaped like seashells that he kind of wishes he could get in his size. He's in a wetsuit, having spent the morning surfing, and he's holding onto her hands so she can jump at the waves. In the distant background is the Montauk lighthouse.

It's beautifully done, like everything else Jason's ever put to paper, but Percy's never choked up like this over one of them.

"You remember that, Beluga? That was on my birthday, when you came and visited me and Jason at the beach."

"Beach?" she asks, expectant. Paul bursts into laughter, sounding as rough-voiced as Percy feels.

"You're your mother's daughter, sweet pea."

"Beach!" Estelle insists. Percy noses her pudgy cheek.

"It's too cold to swim, baby." His mom's eyes are sparkling, still a little teary. He can see Estelle in the smile on her face. "But we could go for a walk and visit." 

"Brunch first." Paul kisses her— Percy averts his eyes, wrinkling his nose at his sister to make her giggle again— and gets up, heading back into the kitchen. 

It's a lovely way to spend a late morning. Pale blue araucana eggs courtesy of Grover's new hens, a blueberry coffee cake from Nico by a fantastic hole in the wall in Hell's Kitchen, Paul's signature home fries made with blue potatoes and seasoned to perfection; all of it delicious.

Jason calls while Percy's doing the dishes. After his deep, resonant performance of the happy birthday song, the five of them chat on speakerphone for a little while, though he has to excuse himself pretty quickly to keep banging through his reading. 

"Maybe next year," Percy sighs. His mom puts her hand on his hip, then crouches down to help Estelle with her light-up sneakers. 

"He's always welcome for a rain check."

"He's always welcome, period," Paul adds. For the second time, Percy gets dangerously close to sniffling. 

Montauk is a little far for a day trip, so they head to Brighton Beach instead. Estelle's shrimpy legs get tuckered out more quickly than the grownups' do, so Percy ends up carrying her on his hip, snuggled into his jacket to block the chilly breeze. She points at seagulls, shouting triumphantly every time. 

"More bird!"

"That's right. A whole flock of 'em."

They watch for a while as the gulls fight over a discarded pizza crust. Then Percy feels an arm around his back and a head against his shoulder.

"I don't know how I got so lucky," his mother murmurs, barely audible over the rushing of the waves.

Percy's eyes sting. 

For most of his life, her birthdays had been spent without fanfare. He was rarely actually there for them anyway, and Gabe complained so much it was easier to just ignore the day and focus on survival instead. 

She'd been triaging like that since before she even met his dad, keeping herself afloat when nobody seemed to care if she drowned. It would have been easy to lie down and give up. Percy's pretty sure he would have, in her place. 

He turns to hug her with the obligatory proclamation of a Stella Sandwich. He catches Paul's eye over her shoulder, and gets a wide, sentimental grin in response. 

"Luck's got nothing to do with it," Percy tells her, leaning his cheek against the top of her head while his sister wriggles with delight between them. 

"Listen to our son," Paul adds. "He's very wise, as you raised him to be. This is all on you, honey." 

Within moments, she's surrounded by her whole family on all sides, and Percy has another arm around his back, and he's getting a little choked up over it all. 

When she first started dating Paul, back when Percy was still in middle school, she'd spent weeks all aflutter. It was the happiest he'd ever seen her at the time. They'd sit outside and work on her car together, and she'd slip into song like a grease-stained fairytale princess without even thinking about it. 

Seeing them interact is like cool water on a burn, Paul's devoted kindness soothing a lifetime of sitting back and watching people treat her like dirt. He worships her, just like she deserves and long overdue.

"I love you," she says, tearful and muffled in someone's shoulder. "All of you, more than anything." 

"Love Mama," Estelle replies, and that's it— Percy's blubbering.

It'll never undo the damage, but it's about time she got a chance to heal and thrive. 

-here in our bed, chapter 7, ~6200 words

[indestinatus]

Falling For You

TIVATOBER 2020 // DAY 18

↳ prompt: Hayride - rated T (1,860 words)

summary: In which Tony just isn’t able to contain whatever he is "feeling".

A/N: To be completely honest, I had no idea what ‘hayride’ meant, so this is my take on a story surrounding an awful lot of hay haha oops features some confusing feelings and unfair libidos. 

read it on AO3 💘

It wasn’t jealousy. It wasn’t. Maybe it was this annoying, almost familiar pang at the pit of his stomach, but if he lied to himself long enough, he could blame the barbecue sandwich he had for lunch and leave it be. 

Tony looked down from the first floor of the barn to study the man again. 

With his broad shoulders and sculpted arms, the farmer looked idly bored as he waited for them to search through the piles of hay, slouching against one of the pillars as he chewed on a straw. It had been a couple of hours since they were trying to find a missing slug that had accidentally pierced through one of the walls, its trajectory coming from another farmhouse miles away. So far, no luck. 

It usually didn’t bother him. How some guys were more ripped than him, that was. It only meant that Tony was dedicated to his job, otherwise, he would’ve had the free time to bulk up as much as they did. 

Though he had had the time to drive to the other side of town to get Sally’s special barbecue sandwich that morning but… It was worth it. That had been a hell of a finger-licking sandwich. 

The guy glanced upwards again, and Tony puffed up his chest. He didn’t look away, and when a smirk started to twitch at the corner of his mouth, Tony made sure to put his hands on his hips, accidentally displaying his badge as he did so. He could show off his calendar figure all he wanted, but Tony was still the authority there. They both knew that.

The younger man was the first one to call off the staring match, and Tony felt a flicker of pride.  

That’s right, cowboy. No one messes with a federal agent, and especially not with his girl.

Girl? Where did that come from? Gun, he meant gun. 

Tony glanced at Ziva, scared that for a moment she could’ve read his mind. Half hoping that she had actually done, he suddenly felt like an idiot, because she continued to search for the missing slug, completely oblivious to the peacock fight happening right next to her. 

The familiar discomfort flickered again inside his chest. It wasn’t annoyance, it wasn’t excitement, it was… nervousness? Worry, perhaps? But worry about what, exactly? He knew Ziva for years now, it shouldn’t matter what she thought of him by then. She was his coworker, and that was as far as they could go, and why was he even thinking about it? It wasn’t as if she would break any rules for him. 

That woman was more dedicated to the job than anything, and their bickering was just how they communicated. It meant nothing. Yes, it was fun, and it had always felt strangely natural, but that was all it was. A game. Mindless banter just to pass the time, and he knew that. She didn’t really think about it, and he also knew that. 

It confused him so much Tony had decided for some time now it was better to ignore it, whatever it was that she made him feel. 

He eyed the farmer again, wondering what she had seen in him to respond so openly to his flirting earlier. Of course, Ziva had always been skilled in flirting with men - especially ones that could easily be intimidated by her - but it bugged him for some reason. Tony didn’t know exactly why, but with every guy she did that, he just wanted to punch them in the face. 

It wasn’t jealousy. It wasn’t.

“It might not be too smart to use it here.”

Tony jumped a little, his heart beating faster as he turned to face her. He prayed that the heat he was feeling on his cheeks wasn’t visible. Then Ziva gave him an amused look, arching an eyebrow, and his heart did that weird thing when it went still and then started racing, tattooing the inside of his ribs.

“Use what?” asked Tony, clearing his throat. 

Ziva cast him a sly smile. “Your laser vision,” she teased, motioning with her chin to the ground floor, “This is a haystack. It might catch fire while we’re still inside.”

“Ha-ha,” Tony returned the tight smile. “The air is too damp for that.” 

Tony looked downwards again to eye the man with suspicion, narrowing his eyes when he caught him ogling Ziva again. “It’s always reasonable to assess the competition,” he said more to himself than to her.

“I like fall,” she stated, and he wondered if she had listened to what he’d said. “Sweater weather, yes?”

Ziva motioned vaguely in his direction, and Tony remembered he was wearing a gray sweater today. Did that mean she had liked his sweater? Oh, she would most definitely look good in it… real good. 

Tony shook his head, tightening his jaw as he tried to calm down his confused libido. She was just talking about the weather, it was only small talk. His mind was putting words in her mouth, and suddenly Tony felt really frustrated. Couldn’t things be black and white, at least for once? A habit of speaking in riddles really screwed up his brain sometimes. 

“What’s the point?” Tony whined. “It would only be good if money did grow on trees.”

Ziva frowned. “Why would money grow on trees?”

Tony glared at her. Not quite believing how oblivious she was, he huffed, “Sometimes I—”

His words were cut short when Ziva let out a strangled cry, and Tony turned just in time to see her disappearing down below, falling from the rather high first floor of the barn. 

Rushing towards her, relief flooded him the same time something resembling anger started to boil inside his chest. 

She looked a bit disheveled and wide-eyed in the arms of the young farmer, as if not quite believing she had fallen from so high and managed to get away with it. The man smiled broadly towards her, clearly proud of having caught her. Tony was certain now the heat in his cheeks was visible. He felt his whole face burn for that matter - the guy had no business holding her so tightly like that. 

“Woah,” said the farmer. “I guess…” his smile widened, “You’re falling for me.”

“Oh, for God’s—” Tony wondered how long someone would take to discover a body there because right at that moment, he really wanted to kill the guy. That was already a crime scene anyway, it would make no difference.

Feeling his blood boil, Tony hastily took the stairs down, stomping his feet. “What?” he barked when both of them glared pointedly at his storming entrance. “No ‘Rapunzel, let down your hair!’ for me?”

Ziva sent the farmer an apologetic look as if to say thank you and then turned to him, her eyebrows shooting upwards to the barn’s roof. Tony didn’t miss how her hand had stayed for far too long on the guy’s chest, nor how they’d shared smirks between them when he’d let her to the ground. This was getting ridiculous, and even if he hated the color of the navy yard walls, Tony would pay a lot just to be there instead.

“Tony,” Ziva said with narrowing eyes, then gave up and sighed, “Don’t be too harsh on him. Johnny was just trying to help.”

“Johnny?” Tony huffed a perplexed laugh, “I thought you’d be calling him ‘dear’ by now.”

Ziva watched him for a moment, and any comeback he was expecting didn’t happen when she smiled to herself and started looking for the bullet again, going through the piles of hay. 

The ache in Tony’s chest increased a thousandfold. Was she laughing at him? Could this woman be more confusing than she already was?

Then he remembered she had actually fallen from the first floor, and the fact that she was walking was a miracle by itself.

“You okay?” He tried to meet her eye but couldn’t, busing himself to search for that missing piece of evidence instead. 

“Yes,” was her quiet reply.

The sirens inside his head started blaring. Had he done something wrong? He needed to learn how to control his reactions more. Was she actually okay? Or was she lying about what she felt like they were used to do? He wished he was the one who’d caught her instead. What was he thinking? He knew she knew how to take care of herself, but it was his job to have her back. And he failed once again, however minimum that had been.  

“It would take less time finding a needle around here,” Tony tried to clear the air, hoping Ziva would forget the jealous incident. 

Jealousy? No, not jealousy. More of a brotherly type of protection. Yes, that’s what that was. 

“I thought we were meant to find a bullet,” she replied, glancing at him with a soft smile from where she was crouched down. A weight he didn’t know he was carrying disappeared, his chest hurting a little less. She seemed alright, considering. 

“Sometimes I really envy your brain, David.” Tony offered a weak laugh, glancing at her with caution. 

“At least I have one.”

“You think Dear John’s cowboy hat is big enough to fit his?”

Damn, it was amazing how sometimes his filter could fail him. As soon as the words left Tony’s mouth, he winced, cursing to himself. His brain felt like scrambled eggs, confusion making it impossible to block his own unconscious. 

“He was right, though,” she said. “About falling.”

Tony’s heart fell, insecurities bringing a bitter taste to his tongue. Of course, she would make advances on the guy. Of course. It was too easy of a target and Ziva would be a fool not to enjoy that. Sure, he was known for having more dates than most, but he hadn’t had one in what felt like forever. He didn’t know what he was waiting for, but she sure wasn’t doing the same. 

“For him?” asked Tony, a bit annoyed, trying to hide his disappointment. He just wanted to go home. 

“In love.”

He frowned. 

What? 

Tony looked at her, finding Ziva already watching him. It was a different kind of look, cautious, almost curious. He wondered what she was thinking. If she had really meant what he was thinking she had… Damn, he knew exactly what that tingle in his stomach was about. 

“And what… What do you mean by—” Tony stuttered, the way his heart was racing feeling really unfair.

She smiled, the butterflies inside his chest fluttering again at how her eyes sparkled. 

“We should go,” Ziva said, showing the palm of her hand. “I found it.”

The missing slug felt like a Christmas present in mid-October, and when she stepped forward to press a soft kiss to his right cheek, Tony felt like it was really December. 

Money didn’t grow on trees, but maybe this Fall wouldn’t be so bad. 

Ziva bid the farmer goodbye and they left the barn behind, Tony managing to reach the car before a grin stretched across his face.