#i wanted to do that video for all my ships and make a comp for valentine's day but alas that didn't happen

[cerenemuxse]

happy 4/22 <33333

original HD quality on YT because Tumblr demolished it: https://youtu.be/eZLx3RnZ4zE

RAAAAAAA FIRST ANIMATION IN YEARS (practice don't count >:/) RAAAAAAAAA feels great to make one <333333

instead of multiple posts for these two, im just doing a big one. :D a 4x22 collection, if you will <3 (which isn't much o7)

the original doodle!

debating if they should be the same height or if Rebecca should be the taller of the two .3. first character i've drawn with a beard and he came out really good :D

as far as their relationship goes, i have up until when both realize their feelings, which is after Edward and James get together. how do they start? no idea, lol, but its a process

[fruitgummies01]

Just saw you saying that u became fan after jin nd hoba were already enlisted so I'd love to read how you got into BTS and jikook as well. Have talked about it before? If yes you can link that if not I'd love to read ur story , if u don't want that's also fine 😅

Hope your journey goes fine and just a request to always go for og content than anything else. Before making any judgement on any member watch the content for yourself. Just in case cause this Fandom is definitely filled with false naratives and i honestly don't trust it most of the times. Just watch Things on ur own and make ur own conclusion. I'm saying this cause over the yrs i have seen so many ppl getting manipulated that whenever i see someone recently got into BTS and is loving jikook i just wonder if over some months or a year I'd see ur turning up against jikook. Months ago i came across a blogger here who started loving jikook cause they had seen jk's lives last year he did for jimin so they got interested, they loved jm and suddenly down the rabbit hole they started following Tkkrs and got completely brainwashed with their narative of comapny hiding TK and hence they're pushing Jkk so they can protect TK cause this theory made sense to this blogger and i even saw them calling jm bitch and what not. Saying he deserves all critisism from other shippers cause he acts that way. Like i don't have any problem with anyone moving to another ship from jikook if they feel there's more to other ship but straight up calling other homewrecker who comes in xyz ship all because of manipulation is really really sad. I really felt bad. And this is not even just a one time thing most of baby armys fall for tkklives (that's a tkkr YouTube channel who makes manipulating videos which portrays jm as homewrecker nd has around 500k subscribers on YouTube. She made that channel 2 days after gcfT when tkkrs needed something/someone to give them a theory that would make sense to them nd tkklives give it to them by manipulating members' words nd since then all of them falls for all her naratives. That's how they are, there was a whole thread of ppl confessing as how they felt for her lies and used to hate jm on twitter) so just be careful be it any ship or any members. Hope ur journey is as lovely as BTS are.

I would love to share how I got into BTS since I haven't mentioned it. Sidenote - I definitely fell into the trap that are tkkrs when I first got into BTS. In my defense it was mainly because of the algorithm and what was most popular when I was trying to find content to watch, and the fact that there are so many comments about them under absolutely everything, that it was hard not to see when first being introduced to them. Fortunately this was roughly around the same time that Tae and Jennie were seen in Paris together holding hands, and I saw in real time what was happening, and the weird ways fans were trying to explain away them clearly being seen together. It made me question a lot of the content I had already consumed, but I won't get too much into that since you're probably not interested in that lol.

As for BTS, I had never consumed any Kpop content before in my life. I had heard of BTS, because duh (they are always trending on twitter), but I actively avoided it. Fast forward, I think to around May 2023, I started watching Physical Season 1 on Netflix (yeah I was late getting into it my bad lol). I'm a person that loves to do research on things that I enjoy haha, so while searching for/watching interviews on Youtube, the algorithm suggested BTS' Mic Drop, I clicked on it, and the rest is history. I was immediately sucked into a rabbit hole of all things BTS, mainly just their music videos at first. And then came Jimin... at first I didn't really get him (again that probably had something to do with all the negative things I saw from tkkrs and the fan content I watched, that at the time I didn't realize were edits), but when I saw Set Me Free and Like Crazy I was completely and utterly blown away. And I was also immediately endeared by Jungkook and his weverse lives. But I just couldn't understand how one group could have this much content and talent. I watched official behind the scenes content, and I just could not believe how hard they were working, and how much of themselves they were giving to fans. Like artists here in the US work hard, but you very rarely see the behind the scenes of the journey, unless they release a documentary. I just could not help but to stan and support them.

As for Jikook, like I mentioned before after the whole tkk thing, I was very anti-ships. I just thought it was all crazy, and refused to believe any of it, and tbh based on again fan edits and perspectives from those in the fandom with way more knowledge than me, it didn't even seem like they liked each other and were the least close members in the group. Fast forward again to whenever Jungkook's weverse live was of him being in his bed practically begging Jimin to do a live with him. Being able to see it in real time, I was like what in the f--- is going on here. This feels crazy flirtatious to me but idk maybe it's just a culture difference that I'm not getting lol. I watched a bunch of other content in full, like JK's live where he spends hours watching Jimin content, and some other stuff in full, and I was like ooooookkkkk while I'm still not completely sure, there might actually be some there there to what some jikookers have been saying this whole time. 😂😅

[buckieduckie2]

why i joined tumblr and why i ship byler- cause i want to info dump cause i can

i wanna tell everyone why i got on tumblr because i can and i want to

so i got on tumblr because of byler during august. i started shipping byler during july.

i was kinda late to the stranger things party and i didnt actually watch it until may of 2022, but funny enough, it WASNT because of season 4 at all actually. my friend just really really wanted me to watch it because she thought id like it. she was riiiiiggghhthttttt.

yeah lmfao i didnt watch stranger things cause there was so much hype around season 4, i watched it because i wanted something gay to watch cause my heart stopper hyperfixation had just gone away and i still needed something gay to watch. i dm my friend saying "hey, do you have anything gay to watch because i need to watch something gay" and she gave me a list and was like "richie from IT is gay" and "will from stranger things is gay" and of course MY brain translated this to "mike is gay" because of notions from before hand i had about this little known to me character mike and also the fact that i knew that finn wolfhard played richie so i mistook will for mike because i was thinking the FCU and- yeah

so yeah i watched stranger things because a) my frined really wanted me to and b) the knowlege that mike was gay and thats what pushed me

anyways to safe to say i was THOROUGHLY confused when they started pulling the mike and el narraitve cause i LEGITEMATELY just thought it was straight canon like genuinelly- i had already imagined what i thougt the coming out scene would be like for him- LMFOAOOOO

anyways back on track- so then mike and el kissed and ill admit i was a lil disappointed but i was like fuck it ig theyre cute and then proceeded to be BLINDEDDDDDD by comp het. twas a very sad three next seasons for me in retrospect 😔

so then i saw the "its not my fault you dont like girls" and then i was like- oh yeah this is the dude my friend was talking about

ANYWAYS

so yeah why i got on tumblr?

cause i got on pinterest andnndndnd yk naturally statrted filling my feed with stranger things stuff and of course i loved will cause he was gay and that made me so like omgggggg yass hes gay and that makes me so happy- but like i didnt ship byler- I THOUGHT HE WAS GONNA GET TO SEE ONE DUDE IN THE VERY LAST SCENE HELP 💀🖐 i now realize im allowed to hold myself to better standards

so everytime i would see something byler related id be like, yeahhhhhhh its cute but not for me </3 cause i was like "yeah will likes mike but obvi mike doesnt like will back 🙄" and i thought it was a lil kookie and also was a firm believer that mike was straight cause yk i love throwing away all my suspicions that were raised while watching season 4 yk i love just forgetting everything 💀

and THEN one faitful day in july i was over at my friends house (The same gril who made me wtch stranger things) and we were watching gay stranger things edits on tiktok (as ya do) and GIRLIE

there was one edit- (and usually as i was watching these compilations i would just ignore the byler stuff and-) it was a rink-o-mania edit

need i say more

i saw that look

i SAW THAT LOOK

and i knew

we paused the video immediately and were like "well- i mean i know that mike is straight-" "yeah exactLy-" "but-" "but-" "but right there-" "yeah i dont know that-" "that seemed pretty gay-" "but mike is straight, right?" "yeah- yeah..- mike is straight..." "yeah..." "...yeah..."

literally how it went

anyways so then im like- its running thorugh my head all evening and like- that sole video was enough to like 99% convince me he was gay- like cmon fellas lets be real here. anyways so yeah i was now 99% convinced that mike was gay or not straight yk (im a gay mike truther now) and we talked about it for a lil and

yeah so then i started paying more attention to the byler posts on my pinterest page and i started reading theroies, all of which were tumblr screen shots and i started really convinceing myself- still was on the fence but-

the one post, and one of the first posts that i read. and the post that conviced me was "Why I no longer think Mike Wheeler is Bi, but Gay" yk the iconic post from @kaypeace21? yeah so i read that and was like "fuck im convinced" and then i proceeded to read the entirety of the byler slides over the course of a 3 day period and fully fully convinced myself

and yeah i kept looking at theories on pinterest screen shotted from tumblr and yk byler was my everything (and still very much is) and i loved pinterest and spent all of my time on there and- 💀 i read- i read w- wh- wattpad fics 💀😟 BUT ITS OKAY because i actually found a pretty good collection of one shots on there but- nah man after one specific fic i found i had to call it quits cause i couldnt handle it anymore 💀💀💀💀

and then i found one poster on pinterest that would just do daily updates on the byler tag on tumblr and eventuallyyyyyy i decided tumblr looked really fun and i was tired of just watching afar tired of WAVING FROM A WINDOW WOOOOAAHHHOWOWAHHHOOOHHH

yeah so i decided enough was enough and i wanted to be directly at the source and part of the action

and now im here <33333

and yeah so i have officially upgraded from Pinterest and Wattpad™ to AO3 and Tumblr™ and thank the lord too 😟🙏

@l0v3c0r3e peer presuring you into reading this entire unit of a post

[averagepoet]

I would like to talk about How I realized that I’m aro and then about how I could’ve realized it sooner, because I never saw posts like this until I went on tiktok and when I saw those I went straight to denial because “I’ve been in like 6 relationships, I can’t be aro!” Be prepared for a long post. I will be bolding important phrases because that makes it easier for me to read, and also I’m putting a tw for a brief mention of abuse, and a cw for talk of sexual attraction.

I did start questioning my romantic orientation because of tiktok, though. It started with my one friend showing me a “put a finger down” video that I found Very relatable that ended up being about experiencing comp het. For those who don’t know, that’s compulsory heterosexuality, when someone, typically a lesbian, believes they have attraction to men because of how enforced and assumed heterosexuality and heteronormativity are in our patriarchal society. Even though I’m a guy, I was socialized as a girl growing up, so I was like “Oh my gods, do I not like men??” And for one week I let that marinate in my brain. I want to say at this time I was like 2 months into dating my best friend of three years (regular friend of 10 years) who is non-binary but generally femme presenting. So after a week of thinking, I felt like something was off. “If I felt this way about guys the whole time, did I feel that way about women? I’ve always considered my attraction equal, leading me to call myself bi for so long.” I realized then that I was in fact aro. At the time, I didn’t understand why younger me didn’t know and why I had the urge to be in relationships so much, but I knew that at least now I identified as aro. I won’t go into detail, but even tho we’re not dating anymore, my best friend and I are still besties and very close. As I type this, they’re sleeping in my room. The only reason I’m not typing this in my room is because they hogged the only outlets that are easy to access, and my phone was gonna die.

Alright now onto what the heck younger me did that could’ve been signs that I’m aro. First off, I remember actively choosing who to have a crush on in elementary and middle school (and kind of recently, too, just not so much in high school), and I would always just pick the boy I thought was the cutest or sometimes the easiest to approach. Then I found out that people could like guys AND girls in 7th grade and was like “well I’ve thought girls were pretty this whole time!!” And that’s when I started mostly getting “crushes” on my friends or people I wanted to be closer friends with. In 8th grade and into high school I started having my own hyperfixations and special interests in media (typically as a kid they were just nature documentaries and the occasional fantasy book that no one else in my grade had read) and THATS when I started letting my Pattern Recognition get the best of me. See, even tho I’m aro, I love watching media with romance. And when there’s no official out there romance in the media, I ship. So, starting in 8th grade, I would relate myself and my friends to characters or sometimes to tropes (especially the red and blue gay trope) and then Ship Myself With People. Because obviously having a crush on someone is the same as shipping your favorite pairing from your favorite show. All of this led to me getting into very superficial relationships that I ended in a month or two. That only speaks for 3 of my relationships, though. One that lasted longer was when I was 14 and I was grounded a lot, so most of the relationship was just chatting over text, which was basically just friendship but we would kiss when we saw each other in person. Another that lasted 4 and then 8 months separately was with someone I became friends with who then tried to isolate me from my friends and abused me. And the other was with my best friend, we dated from August to December, but were in a qpr right before that. We might eventually get back in a qpr; we both have things we’re working on right now, but they’re the only person I’ve ever felt fully comfortable being that close with.

One last thing, being aromantic but bisexual definitely made it hard to figure out, because I would be sexually attracted to people and then feel like shit when I “lost feeling for them” right away. This only happened like once because I hadn’t actually done anything with anyone until him but god I felt like shit. Not realizing the distinction between platonic, romantic, and sexual attraction lead to me having like a 3 year long “crush” on one of my best friends, when it was really just my brain going “you care for and trust him, and he likes being physically affectionate with you, you could totally lose your virginity to him, it would be safe.”

So yeah, if your questioning whether or not you’re aro I highly suggest using introspection and like thinking back to what you were like when you were younger. Thanks for spending your time reading this.

[notphilosopherstudentblog-moved]

unnecessary dream smp (but not really) mock trial post

pt. 2

*warning: long post* 

I have been having a terrible mock trial season so far, so I decided to cope by theorizing what the dream smp members would be like in mock trial. I will try to explain mock trial terms as much as possible, but all you really have to understand is that it is fake court. it is court roleplay, that’s it

Direct - an interrogation of your own witness to help you prove your case

Cross - an interrogation of the opposing teams’ witnesses to help you prove your case by poking holes in theirs

Case law - the “laws” of the fake world that the American Mock Trial Association set in place that set precedents for how each side is supposed to argue their cases; these are typically in the form of court cases

Voir dire -  a preliminary examination of a witness or a juror by a judge or counsel; this comes in the form of opposing counsel interrupting a direct in order to prove that the witness is not fit to make their testimony for one reason or another 

Wiggling - the refusal to answer a question with a direct yes or no in order to not weaken a witness’ testimony

Defendant - the person/corporation being charged with a crime

Dream Team and Co.

Dream 

everyone hates him as attorney and I say this with full confidence

because he’s hyper-aggressive during cross

but also because he’s right 

like a lot

he knows case law like the back of his hand 

he made flashcards

and he’s memorized this year’s case like immediately after it comes out

he made spreadsheets and like ten page document for every witness, including what they bring to the case and what makes them a weak witness 

I mean come on this is the same dude who played one game and hyperfixated on it so hard that he became one of the best players on the internet

his team loves him because he basically writes their entire case for them, but they’re also worried for him because he just rewrites cases on whim in the middle of the night and doesn’t mention it until someone (usually sapnap) brings it up during practice

back on topic, he usually kills it as an attorney and people are like visibly terrified when he’s their attorney

he was pretty meh as a witness when he first started but he’s actually really good now

he used to be terrible at holding a character during a direct/cross

as he’s gone along and practiced, he’s gotten much better!!!

he’s terrifying to go against as an attorney or witness, but attorney is definitely his strong suit

George

george as an attorney is a concept that I hold near and dear to my heart 

I feel like they treat him the same way people treat him playing Minecraft: by severely underestimating him because he makes dumb jokes and is super quiet, but he’s actually really good!!

he’s probably super nonaggressive during cross and directs, but he goes hard during voir dire

he’s like suspiciously good at voir dires

and like forcing people to impeachments

he decimates witnesses and gets their testimonies thrown out

his teammates are suspicious that the other teams are in on it because there is no reason why he should get this many voir dires/impeachments...but he does

(he’s just really good guys, I promise)

it’s definitely not because he’s cute and witnesses don’t know how to handle it and then they slip up and he comes down hard on them

people always forget he set, like, a record for number of voir dires at a tournament, so he has this reputation as being the weakest of the dream team

he’s such a strong attorney

but oh my god his witness

do not, and I repeat, DO NOT let this man be a witness

he cannot act

he just reverts back to his personality and he has No Inflection

you think the British accent will give you points?

they can’t make up for his inability to maintain a character

Sapnap

this man is fucking PSYCHOTIC whether he is attorney or witness

he goes absolutely feral on crosses and it intimidates witnesses so much, even if they’ve been competing for years

he’s just super good at crosses, but do not put him with an emotional witness because he has this remarkable inability to act comforting

his friends can come to him with anything and they’ll talk about it and he’ll comfort them

but it’s like his emotions turn off as soon as he enters a round

it’s fucking wild

you only put him as a witness if you want that witness to have a) feral characterization, b) sexual undertones, or c) both

his witnesses are infamous every year

he is very good for throwing people off their game with out-of-left-field characters and other teams hate him for it

every single one of his characters dresses up like a frat boy trying to dress for court and it’s so funny

but he still gets other competitors hitting him up after comps, men or women

Do Not try to approach him outside of trial though because he is the definition of a quiet kid if he’s not around his friend

he will be too awkward to talk to you

Karl

I love love love Karl to death, but he is not built to be an attorney

he only plays witness

and he’s really good at it!!

he’s super fun as a witness and he wiggles a lot on answers

attorneys hate that he wiggles a lot because it’s frustrating

but there is nothing they can do about it

he doesn’t get a lot of witness roles, but the ones he does get, he kills 

he gets an absurd amount of thirst posts on the mock trial confessions facebook page

like an absurd amount

it’s become a joke amongst the dream team

there is a tally kept for how many thirst posts Karl gets

he doesn’t even have to compete

people will just see him in the room and become thirsty

an icon truly

it’s because his character outfits are hot as hell, literally all the time 

you have to wear business casual/professional during trial and we all know that Karl would look hot as FUCK in a suit

also everyone in college mock trial is horny

Badboyhalo

bad in mock trial would kill as an attorney

everyone loves bad

even opposing teams

because he’s just so sweet??? for like no reason??? 

he’s done mock trial since freshman year high school and he’s competed against (and earned the respect of) some of the best mockers in the country

he’s notorious for being super kind outside of trial and during pre-trial

but he’s terrifyingly ruthless during trial

he’s similar to dream and george, but he has a much better reputation

there was an anonymous hate message about bad on the mock trial confessions page and there was a crusade to figure out who it was

(his teammates ended up snitching on him because bad is just that beloved)

he definitely received several scholarships because he is just that good

he does not like witness

so he just does not do it

Schlatt

schlatt is the most iconic mocker

like people outside of mock trial know who he is

he’s trended on twitter

he’s really good at every role he plays, even though he plays them to their most feral extremes

he played an expert last year and spent the entire time heavily implying that his character was god

the worst part is he received a witness award for it at

every

single

tournament

every single one

judges would make a point to commend him after matches

every single time his name got announced at closing ceremonies, people died inside

it was extremely amusing for everyone on the dream team

the same year as his maybe-god character, there was a rash of anonymous confessions about schlatt and wilbur soot from another team

a cross between them at competition was so extremely homoerotic that people began shipping them immediately

this is carried on for the entirety of the season

they played into it heavily

there is still an ongoing bet on whether or not they’ve fucked

Quakity

quackity always ends up playing the defendant and always plays them super sus

memes are made about him simply because he is so suspicious every time

he once brought a guitar and attempted to sing his entire direct because his character was a singer

he was asked to leave by the judge immediately

his teammates made him an award titled ��quickest disqualification in mock trial history’

he treasures it like a child

his teammates love him because he is hilarious

but they also hate him because he always tries to make his characters’ background that they are or were at one point strippers 

no matter if they already have a background laid out by AMTA, alex

he never plays attorney

there is no reason why

he just never does

this became extremely long for absolutely no reason, but I hope you enjoyed it. I wanna do another one for SBI and co, but not right now. I’m writing this at 215 with a Slimecicle video playing the background. I have to be up at 7 for a mock trial tournament

this is helping me cope

[terramythos]

I beat the 2021 Nier Replicant remake, here were my thoughts overall (I did play the 2010 release a few years ago). SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS

*so this game was MOSTLY a straight remake/remaster, with improvements to some baseline things, but a few totally new storylines/content here and there. 

*obviously everything got a graphical overhaul, which brings the style more in line with Automata. I think they did a great job w/ this, the old character models were... pretty rough. But the new ones still keep the general feel of the characters. and environments etc obviously look better. it’s not the most graphically amazing game ever, but that’s fine 

*the updated music is EXCELLENT. the original release already had legendary tracks, and Keiichi Okabe + crew either scaled up the tracks well or reimagined them in new and improved ways. I’m super impressed and know I’m going to play the new tracks a lot. (there are some tracks i just think “this is what 10 years of music comp experience does to a motherfucker” (admiration)) 

*i’m also glad most of the original VAs returned, even ones that are bigger names now than they were when they first appeared in the 2010 release. Laura Bailey knocks it out of the park as Kaine, but they’re all good. i also liked Roy Chase’s (new) performance as older Brother Nier. 

*combat is way better and fun compared to the original release. look, i didn’t hate the original’s combat (i’m in the minority on this), but it’s WAY better with a more Automata style. 

*totally new content: i really liked the new storyline/boss/level with the girl and the ship. i didn’t know going in, but apparently it’s based on a Japan-only short story? i thought it was nice they added anything at all. it was pretty obviously new content based on the animation quality (i.e. it’s an animation that’s new from the ground up, not a remastered one) and the sort of random placement in the story... but i liked it; creepy and sad. i’m a little confused that the conclusion with the letter is different depending on the ending path you’re on. 

*the BIG new content: ending E. on a meta level, i think it’s hilarious that the game doesn’t tell you it exists, unlike the other ones. you have to know about it or look it up. So theoretically there’s someone out there who will beat the game, get ending D, put the game down for 3 years, decide to replay it, and accidentally activate this totally bonkers ending 

*i loved ending E! I know this one is vaguely (?) based on a Japan-only story as well. but playing as Kaine was awesome since she’s my favorite character. i thought the visuals were an interesting callback (callforward?) to Automata at parts. the big boss fight where you fight as Kaine in the weird simulation realm is just fun/trippy/horrifying. and it is heartening to see Weiss, Emil, and eventually Nier again after the huge downer that’s ending D. Even if it’s all pretty fucking weird/surreal in context. 

*so i’m going to talk about the... old? content? stuff that’s in the original release and present in the remake 

*the strong part of nier is definitely the story and characters. all the leads are likeable, and they have a great found family vibe. i also LOVE that there’s the big “hey Shades are humans actually” twist at the end which changes your perspective on everything. and i LOVE that the game forces you to replay the second half not only with that knowledge, but with additional scenes and dialogue that make everything horrifying and depressing. 

*the fact that it’s all a meta commentary on violence in video games (why do you like killing hordes of enemies? what if the enemies have a reasonable point of view that you don’t understand?). the closest comparison i can think of is... Undertale, of all things? but OG Nier came out 5 years before that game. 

*it’s kind of wild/complex, but i do like the Drakenier lore and how it fits into the story of the game, even though it (unfortunately) requires research outside of the game to appreciate. imagine if kingdom hearts lore was like, actually good and compelling. 

*some of the side quests are good and interesting, and also introduce new perspective on the overarching story. i like that some quests from the first half lead into quests in the second half, often with their own surprising twists and turns. 

*my big beef with Nier, which is unfortunately still present in the remake, is it wastes your time. the main quest has you run back and forth a lot. the side quests (and sometimes main quest!) are often just... grindy MMO fetch quests. do not get me started on the gardening mechanic, one of the few things that is actually WORSE in the remake (it’s time consuming both in game and in real life. and you can no longer cheese it with your system clock. yes, it is optional, except for one of the side quests that requires you to do it. yes, i still bred Lunar Tears. don’t look at me). there’s a fast travel... partway through the second half of the game. the game is self-aware about some of these things, but i’m not sure that makes it better. 

*the part where it comes to a head for me is the C/D path. i LOVE that the B path has you play through the second half again. But C/D add almost nothing new. so you’re just required to speed through the second half again without anything new or interesting. if you’re a moron like me, you also accidentally overwrite over your pre-final dungeon save, so you have to do it a fourth time. 

*and there’s no reason for it! it’s the one thing i thought was a no-brainer to change in the remake! automata literally has a timeline jump for this exact reason. you can navigate anywhere in the story after a certain point to do side quests and other stuff. not so in 2010 Nier, OR the 2021 remake. it’s boggling. 

*if they didn’t want to do a timeline jump, i feel like it would be simple to let you access the final dungeon once the weapon requirement is met. or remove the weapon requirement entirely (shock). as it is, it’s a pointless waste of time with a couple new scenes (which could easily be put in the B path). 

*it sounds like i’m harping on this, but i had a hard time defending it in the 2010 release. In 2021 we have an oversaturated market of excellent games, and wasting someone’s time the way Nier does is difficult to justify when you can pick up a game that doesn’t do that at any time. i love Nier’s story and characters, but it’s a tough game for me to wholeheartedly recommend without disclosing the grindy repetition of the game. something which Automata lacks (there IS some repetition in that game, but it’s kept in the spirit of the B path in this game; new context and scenes that change your perspective). 

*however, as remakes go, i think this was a good one overall. i’m a fan of the game, so i had no problem clocking 56 hours, even as certain parts grated on me. i wish they changed more than they did, but i can understand the desire to stick to the original pretty closely. there’s also the whole COVID thing which happened mid-development, and i imagine had an impact on the final product. as always, i’d rather have a humanely treated development team than a crunched one for the sake of what i want in a game. 

[ponett]

Welp... it’s over. After nine years, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic is over. I just got done watching the series finale with Anthony and, just like I knew I would, when the credits rolled, I cried my eyes out

I should probably say something, huh. I’ve been sharing thoughts like this mostly on Twitter lately, but I started using Tumblr to blog about MLP, so I don’t think it would be right to post this anywhere else

I have a complicated relationship with MLP:FiM. It’s a show that got really hit or miss after the second season, and it has a fandom so toxic and so full of edgy libertarians that it scared me off from formally participating in fandoms for the rest of my life. But it’s also probably my favorite TV show of all time. There are other shows that are much better written, that have more to say, that are more consistent, even including several other cartoons from the same decade. But I think I’d be lying to myself if I said it wasn’t my favorite show

No other piece of media has had as massive of an impact on my life as My Little Pony

I grew closer to some of my closest high school friends because of our shared enthusiasm for the show. I started PonyPokey with Jake and Derek and made a bunch of bad videos and got invited to be on a wildly disorganized BronyCon panel with Jenny Nicholson in 2012. (We went on stage immediately after Lauren Faust’s panel. I barely said a word due to stage fright.)

After years of being too afraid to share my art online, I started putting more effort into learning digital art so that I could draw ponies. It started out rough, but with the drive to improve, I quickly got better. I started Fluttershy Replies. For the first time, I had an audience. I had people who cared about my work and supported me. Even as times have changed, many of you have been following me since way back then

Around the time I came out as bi in 2012, I got really into MLP shipping. Writing sappy comics and drawing sappy art became an outlet for my years of pent up feelings, and helped me sort out a lot of stuff. My Little Pony also completely changed the views on femininity that had been beaten into my skull since childhood. Suddenly, it wasn’t this strange, alien thing to be afraid of. MLP, at its heart, is a show about how there’s no wrong way to be a girl. That’s an incredibly powerful message. Rarity wasn’t a vapid snob. Fluttershy wasn’t a background character who got made into the butt of the joke. Pinkie wasn’t a ditz. These were characters written to be empathized with. And writing about my own feelings from the perspective of Fluttershy felt... right. It took me a few years to fully process those feelings, but eventually, I realized the truth. I was a trans woman. And a cartoon about horses was the first step on my path to realizing this

In 2013, one of the roughest years of my life, I decided to download RPG Maker on a whim to give myself a distraction. Naturally, my first instinct was to make a game where Fluttershy and Rainbow Dash kiss. What was initially supposed to be a short, Fantastic Game-esque playground of silly little jokes spiraled out of control and became Super Lesbian Horse RPG, a game that I poured my heart and soul into over the course of a year. And then, a couple years later, my desire to preserve the ideas from my copyright-infringing fangame also spiraled out of control, as all my creative projects do, and became SLHRPG’s successor: Super Lesbian Animal RPG. SLARPG isn’t really a reskinned MLP fangame anymore--it’s more like a new game inspired in part by my old project. The story has been drastically rewritten, the characters changed, the levels and gameplay redesigned. Most of the cast of the new game wasn’t in the original project in any form. There’s much, much, much, much, much more new content than old left in the game. And the original game had already strayed so far from the canon anyway. But I’m also not sure it would exist without MLP

I made a bunch of friends online, including close friends I still have to this day. I met the people like Bee and Thomas who I’m still working with on SLARPG. Most importantly, because we both blogged about MLP and had some mutual friends, I met Anthony, the love of my life. We’ve been together for five years now and supported each other through good times and bad. This is the lamest, corniest, stupidest thing I will ever say in my life, but he’s the Rainbow Dash to my Fluttershy

...

So what about the finale itself? (spoilers, obviously)

I have... mixed feelings on the finale. There were some things that really annoyed me in there. But also, like I said, I cried, so I think it’s safe to say they did good overall

I think the thing that stuck in my craw the most was Discord. Which I guess shouldn’t be surprising. I’ve been saying for years now how I hate Discord, how he spits in the face of everything the show stands for. He’s an obnoxious elderly manchild who constantly causes problems on purpose and torments his so-called friends the second they stop paying attention to him. But they have to put up with him and give him infinite second chances, because he’s a god and Celestia said they had to reform him

The overarching plot of the final season is that Queen Chrysalis, King Sombra, Tirek, and Cozy Glow (a Darla Dimple-esque filly villain from season 8) had teamed up with Grogar, a “new” villain taken from G1. While this goes on in the background, Twilight is making her preparations to become Celestia’s successor, as we’d known would be her destiny since the day she got wings six years ago. The villain team-up stuff was genuinely fun, and a highlight of the season for me. But then, in the three-part finale, it’s revealed that Grogar was actually Discord in disguise, and that he’d been intentionally trying to orchestrate a big attack on Twilight’s coronation so that she and her friends could save the day and get a big confidence boost going into her reign as princess. This is like... one of the most bafflingly stupid plot twist of all time. It’s literally the end of the show, and Discord has learned nothing. He’s “nice” now, but he’s still intentionally causing huge problems and putting everyone’s lives in danger to solve his problems. He freed four different villains they’d already defeated just so Twilight could beat them again, and in the process they literally blew up the goddamn castle in Canterlot and nearly killed everyone. And yet... they still forgive him, because they have to

I did, however, think that the last two-part adventure episode was fun overall. It tied a nice bow on much of the series, bringing back a bunch of old friends (including cameos from the movie cast!) to band together and save the day. Of course, in the end, they beat the bad guys with a big rainbow laser and sealed them in a statue. You know, even though a previous season finale was all about how solving their problems with a friendship laser and sealing the villains away never worked. Also, Cozy Glow might be evil, but she’s still literally a child? And now her petrified body is on display in the center of Canterlot? What the fuck????

I’m complaining a lot, but again. It was fun overall. It was nice to have one last big adventure, and to have the mane six reflect on how they’d grown since Twilight moved to Ponyville

...

And then we got the actual final episode. And boy did this one hit me HARD

I’m so glad that they ended on a quieter episode about the main cast’s friendships, because that’s what the show is actually about. The two-part adventures to save Equestria every season are fun, but that’s not the real show. We all came back every week for Twilight and her friends

There are things I can complain about here, too. Spike being a buff adult dragon with the voice of a child is fucked up. I’m still not used to seeing Twilight be Celestia’s size. But more than anything, I was always worried that we’d get a Harry Potter ending, where all the characters are paired off into arbitrary marriages so they can all have kids. Thankfully, this didn’t really happen. The only one who had a kid was Pinkie, who apparently got married to Cheese Sandwich (Weird Al’s character) at some point. Like, they literally shared two episodes together, with no hint of romance? But then they got married and had a kid off-screen??? What the fuck???? A lot of people also think that Fluttershy ended up with Discord, and I know I’m massively biased against that ship, but... I mean, they teased the FlutterCord shippers, but there wasn’t really any actual textual evidence that they were any closer than they had been previously. Y’all weirdos who ship Fluttershy with an obnoxious elderly man can interpret that as being “canon” if you want, I guess, but it’s not

The other relationship that shocked everyone in the finale was Applejack and Rainbow Dash, who... appear to be a couple? It’s definitely hinted at. I have... very, very mixed feelings about this. I mean, okay, obivously I’m the big FlutterDash fangirl. But I think AppleDash is cute, too! The problem is that, like... they’ve barely interacted in years? Like, they had a lot of episodes together in the first two seasons, but then the writers barely ever had them interact past that point. I can’t even remember when the last time we got an actual episode focusing on them was. And no, the one where Rainbow takes Granny Smith to pony Vegas doesn’t count

Like... yeah, it’s cute. It’s a nice gesture. Lyra and Bon Bon getting married in the background was also cute. But we can do so, so much better in 2019. We have so many explicitly canon lesbian couples in cartoons. Couples that actually kissed, or got married, or showed feelings for each other. Rainbow and AJ barely even fucking talked to each other in the final few seasons. I dunno, it just feels very hollow to me. Even the Equestria Girls crew admitting they were pushing RariJack felt more substantial to me, because at least they were given on-screen chemistry and lots of canon interaction

But in the end, complaints aside, the finale was about Twilight moving back to Canterlot, and worrying that her friendships would fade because of it. Honestly, I think this is what the finale of the show always would’ve been. It was the perfect story to end on. And boy, it hit really close to home

And then the last song happens, reflecting on how things have changed, but how they’re all still friends. And we see all the other friends they made along the way. And the camera zooms out, and the book from the opening of the very first episode closes, bringing the entire nine-year saga full circle

And then I started sobbing really hard in Anthony’s arms

...

I dunno. I just got done nitpicking a lot, but I still think that the last episode was a good and very emotional ending for the show

I’m going to miss this show dearly. I know it will be back in a new form, and that the leaks indicate that it’ll still star slightly different versions of the Mane Six. I’m also used to shows like this getting rebooted. Hasbro cartoons are honestly lucky to last past three seasons. FiM, on the other hand, got over 200 episodes, a theatrical film, a few specials, some shorts, a bunch of comics (which I still need to read), and a spinoff human AU series that was also really great. There’s no shortage of content, and I’m sure I’ll be returning to the series for years to come. I’m also glad that the show managed to go out on a high note

But still. It was a constant presence in my life for nearly nine years. Even as the quality got really hit or miss, even as they took the premise in strange directions, even as the crew of the show grew more and more dominated by men, it was still a show I could rely on to always be there, 26 episodes a year. I’ll miss it. I hope what comes next is just as good, if not even better. I also hope it’s gayer

I was going to end my ask blog, Fluttershy Replies, around the time the show ended. I’m not sure if I’ll do that just yet. I don’t know. I think that might be a bit much for me to process emotionally. Too many doors closing in my life in quick succession. But I do want to do more with it. These characters will be special to me for the rest of my life

I mean shit, I haven’t even drawn StarTrix yet. I’ve still got a lot of work to do with these horses, folks

[kumoriyami-xiuzhen]

March Update Post

figures i should do another one of these.... tho this is mostly an update on the current status of my translations since i don’t intend to post much in terms of translations (3) this month since i’ve gotten around to my video backlog and will be stocking up on translations...

As i’ve stated before, i do multiple things at once cuz my head works that way, though this list will not include any SSL game content since that’s something I’ve already committed into doing plus my progress is a lot faster on those since my focus is kinda divided at 65% for ssl cross and daily stories, with 35% towards everything else. 

My current (mostly estimated) progress for the following is at: 

Hakuoki Kaze no Fumi Shogunate Dogs and Puppies [ 薄桜鬼 真改 風ノ章 ebten特典ドラマCD 「幕府の犬と子犬」 ]- 45% done (going to update this cd as a goal for my non-existent patreon unless someone sends me the audio for it on the off-chance i get donations or anything since the cd is usually costs between 2500 and 3000 yen on suruga-ya/yahoo auctions and im not willing to spend more money on cds (i think im going to start saving for ginsei no shou stuff).... plus that doesnt account for overseas shipping and other payment fees lol though id cover the bill for that. *sigh*)

Hakuoki Tsukikage no Shou - Kazama Chikage Final Chapter - 33% done

SSL Hakuo Gakuen Student General Assembly Track 3 - 25% someone uploaded this with Chinese subtitles so I’ll be able to finally translate that part where Shiranui talks with Kazama and Amagiri in the background.... huzzah lol

Hakuoki Girls fest live drama with saito, souji and kazama 10% (what I was referring to as “unknown drama”

Hakuoki otomate party 2013 drama 12%

Hana no Shou Stallaworth after story (renaming these to “after stories”. these are the ones that came from the book with Chizuru, Souji and Hijikata on it that i’ve already translated the stories for saito, yamazaki, hijikata and kazama for.) for Harada 10% 

Hakuoki ???? 28.57% (actually calculated this... tho im going to refrain from listing the name cuz im feeling mean lol. its an ssl “hakuoki other translation” tho)

Nightshade Stellaworth Kuroyuki Cd 20%

New shortlist of shortlisted stuff I still really want done:

Hana no Shou Stellaworth after stories for Souji, and Heisuke

Web drama 8 with souji and saito

Shinsengumi Oni-tan (still havent started transferring words from images from track 2 onward into text format)

character monologues

kyoka-roku rain scenario stories

kyoka-roku character cg perspectives

zuisouroku character cg perspectives

hijikata biyori track 13 and 14

otomate party 2015 psychedlica of the black butterfly drama

Anything no longer on my shortlist is still something that I intend to get to eventually tho if it’s no longer here, that means it will be done waaaay later... 

Currently, I have more than 100 different ‘tabs’ in nimble writer for Chinese Hakuoki content (it’s actually waaaaaay more than that in NW but i don’t feel like counting what isn’t right now since that’s a hassle to do), with the majority of them containing at least one hakuoki article/drama/short story though i have several tabs that contain multiple tracks [for dramas only] or multiple segments for print media or game content [really only ssl and yuugiroku 3 for that tho].... and i still haven’t counted the video content ive saved with chinese subtitles, the stuff i have saved as images or the stuff i haven’t bothered saving to my comp T_T......). also i didn’t know that the nightshade b’s logs stories were already translated and on their steam’s news page (which i’ve never checked in my life) so i’ll refrain from doing more of them.... *sigh* i apparently am not good at finding things on tumblr though in my defence i couldn’t find it under hyakka hyakurou though i did give up searching the nightshade tag after seeing too many plants.

oh and I’m probably going to start including images of the cds im missing audio for into some my posts more regularly cuz i really don’t think anyone looks at my lookout list... should probably say that i have no ETA on anything listed above since my current focus is on the ssl game content which i wanna finish asap.... i think i got 48 short stories to finish translating for that. or something? not sure if that’s an accurate number since im not sure if i counted everything properly. w/e lol. 

as a super long term goal i want 36 hakuoki things done so i have content to post for a year (min of 3 things per month as a goal lol.... ) to do whatever the hell i want on the side at a super slow pace or to finish all the relatively short stuff so i have a legitimate excuse to cut back and take my damn time since theres no way in hell i can translate a 30-60 min drama quickly lol. xD. 

Also, if anyone happens to want to translate Hakuoki stuff, or pay someone else to get translations commissioned, you can ask me for copies of the audio cds listed on my “stuff i have” page.... though I’m willing to trade for cds i don’t own if you don’t intend to do any of that.

ground rules for cds: 1) you cannot ask me anonymously, 2) do not share audio if you’re only publishing translation as text (meaning if you chose not to make a video), 3) if translations are made but are not posted publicly, send me a copy since I want them for my own entertainment (I will respect anyone’s wishes if they don’t want something shared or published online), 4) acknowledge that I may not share something if I am in the process of already translating it... that I might just be procrastinating since i haven’t ripped 99% of everything on that list, or might decide to send tracks one at a time due to other external reasons... also i don’t actually know which cds have dramas on them.

[jsmulligan]

Smile for Me

New “Tales We’ll Tell” entry featuring Claney and Celeste below the cut.

Somewhere in the Tower watching over the Last Safe City of humanity.  Approximately four years before the Destiny campaign.

“Again,” Titan Claney Beamard demanded, bringing his arms up in a boxer's stance.

“It's not fair, you're too big,” would-be Hunter Celeste Etain whined, rubbing her left arm.

“And Fallen Barons, Archons, and Kells are bigger than me, and they won't pull their punches.  Same with Hive Knights and Ogres.  What's your point?”

“My point is you're being mean.”

“No, Kiddo,” the Titan said, “I'm trying to make sure you stay alive.”

“By beating me up?”

Claney sighed and placed his hand on a handrail, intending to lean against it, but the damaged metal gave way beneath his weight.  He stumbled, righted himself, then sat down on the stairs leading from the floor onto a low platform.  As he did, dust kicked up around him.  Behind him, a row of smashed computers stood dark, unused for at least a few decades.

The two Guardians occupied a room in one of the Towers damaged in either The Battle of Six Fronts or The Battle of Twilight Gap.  Or maybe some other attack by Fallen on the City.  They all began to blur together after a century of being under siege.  Since hardly anyone ventured into the damaged Towers, they made excellent places to carry out training that was not exactly sanctioned by the Vanguard.

“I'm trying to teach you to fight so that things out there that are a lot meaner than me won't do a lot worse than give you a few bumps and bruises.”  Claney ran a gloved hand over his close-cropped red hair.  “You asked me to start training you.  What were you expecting?”

The young girl shrugged, kicking at the ground with her toes.  “I don't know.  Light stuff? Supers, grenades, blowing stuff up.”

“That all comes later.  In the field, Light can fail, guns jam, and ammo depletes.  You need to be able to fight if you want to have any chance out there.  You need to be a weapon.”

Celeste looked at Claney, confusion evident on her face.  “Light can fail?”

The Titan nodded, grim. “Yes.  They've been teaching you about the history of the Traveler, correct?”

“Yeah.”

“Okay,” Claney said, gesturing with his hands as he spoke.  “So you know about the Collapse and the Darkness.  Well, as much as most of us know about it, anyway.  There are still areas out there that are known as Darkness Zones, where whatever the Darkness did during the Collapse still lingers, partially cutting us off from the Light while we are there.  We can still use the Light, but it recharges slower, and your Ghost will not be able to revive you without help.

“Beyond that, though, there are enemies that can dampen or drain your Light.  Not a worry with the Fallen here on Earth, but if you run into the Hive...”

The Titan trailed off there, a haunted look passing over his face.  His hands fell still and his eyes turned away from the young girl, staring into the shadows in a far corner.  Celeste watched him, concerned.

“Claney?”

The man shook his head clear, returning to the present.  “Yeah?”

“Are you okay?”

“Yeah, I'm fine.  What was I just saying?”

“You were talking about enemies that can take your Light, then you got all sad looking.”

Claney tried to force a smile, but could only manage about halfway, and it did not make it to his eyes.  “Just thinking about something.  Where, uh, where did I leave off?  Oh, right, the Hive.  They have Wizards that can just strip the Light out of a Guardian and their Ghost.  Do me a favor and stay away from the Moon, okay?”

Celeste nodded.

“Well, I think that's probably enough for today,” the Titan declared abruptly, rising to his feet.  “I should go on Patrol.  Head on back to the Anusky's.”

Celeste nodded.  Claney waited until she had left the room before heading out himself.  A few minutes later, he had transmatted to his ship and was heading for the Cosmodrome.

For her part, Celeste did as she was told, making her way out of the ruined tower and strolling along the Wall back to the tower that the Guardians, along with a smattering of civilians, called home.  She was heading to the dwelling of two of those civilians, John and Susan Anusky.  A kind, middle-aged couple who had always wanted children but had never been able to have any, they had gladly agreed to help take care of the young Guardian when Claney first brought her back to the Tower.  They had always made her feel welcome, and Celeste was grateful for everything they did for her, but she had to admit that she preferred when Claney was around and she could just stay with him.

Thinking about the big man reminded her of the look that had crossed his face when he had spoken of the Hive.  She had seen other moments like that from the Titan. He tried to hide it from her, but the more time she spent with him, the more she learned to catch them.

He had never smiled much, but Celeste had always just thought he was a serious person.  In stories and videos, there was always the tough, no-nonsense loner who did what he had to do to survive, and she just figured that was who he was.  It was a fair assumption, given the first time she met him, he'd been fighting for both their lives, killing aliens that were trying to kill her as soon as she had been reborn.  Plus, a lot of Guardians acted that exact way.  Now, though, she was certain it was something more.

Well, if there was something that was making Claney sad, Celeste decided that she would take it on herself to try to cheer him up.  She started working on ideas as soon as she made it home.

…

Claney was not going to have time to help train her for the next few days, so Celeste sneaked down into the Tower on her own, trying to practice some of the different blocks and strikes that Claney had shown her.  She had gotten her Ghost, Whisper, to gather video recordings of other Hunters, mostly gleaned from Crucible footage, so that she could study them as well.

“Whisper,” she said, holding out her right hand.  It was an unnecessary gesture, and the Ghosts were perfectly capable of materializing anywhere they chose, but most Guardians seemed to it, and she'd picked up the habit as well.  The little star-shaped robot materialized over her outstretched hand.

“Yes?” he asked in his small voice that always sounded like a nervous little boy who had just broken his mother's favorite vase.

“Play Hunter Comp. 1 for me, please.”

“Right away,” he replied, then swung to face the least damaged wall in the room.  A beam of Light shot out from his core and he projected the video image for her to watch.  Figures sprang to life, capes trailing behind them as they jumped, spun, and rolled.

“Oh, and keep the time displayed as well,” she said.  The Ghost bobbed a nod in response.

Celeste watched for a few moments, and then began copying the moves.  The first time she had tried a roll, she hadn't tucked her body in enough and banged her shoulder hard on the floor.  She had not let Whisper heal the resulting bruise despite his insistence because she wanted it to be a reminder for next time.

She spent several hours ducking, dodging, rolling away from, and striking at invisible enemies.  The Vanguard did not want to let her out of the Tower yet, and she understood why, but she planned to work hard enough that they would have to admit that she had the skills to survive and would let her outside soon.  She also knew it would surprise Claney to see how much progress she had made on her own.  The thought of catching him off-guard like that brought a grin to her face.

As she trained, she watched the clock.  It would be far too easy to lose track of time down here on her own, and she had an appointment to keep and did not want to be late.  When the time drew near, she stopped her training and sprinted home, drawing curious looks from others roaming the Tower.  She cleaned up quickly, then set off toward the north side of the Tower.

Celeste crossed through the main courtyard, pausing only briefly to watch Guardians coming and going.  She felt a surge of envy rise up that she had to force back into place.  One day.  She climbed the stairs to the hallway the lead to Tower North and followed the hallway.  She went down the final set of stairs, glancing over at the New Monarchy gathering to her left before turning right.

“Ah, Celeste, so good to see you,” a voice called out as the young Hunter rounded the corner to her little shop.  

Tucked back in the small alcove was the workstation of Eva Levante, Guardian Outfitter.  There were several tables and shelves all cluttered with signs of her occupation.  The woman herself was dressed neatly in green and yellow, a purple shawl draped over her shoulders.

“Hi, Ms. Levante,” Celeste replied with a wave.

“Please, call me Eva,” the gray-haired woman replied.

“Okay, Eva,” Celeste said experimentally.  The woman smiled.

“I was so thrilled when you asked about helping me out,” Eva said.  “It can be difficult to keep up with shader and emblem orders at times.  Guardians do love to make themselves look unique or find new styles.”

“And what we talked about...?”

“Yes, yes,” Eva smiled again.  “I will pay you some glimmer and paint supplies for your assistance.  You don't think old Eva would try to rip you off now, do you?”

“No, ma'am, I just...”

Eva raised her eyebrows. “Thought I might have forgotten because I'm old?”

“What, no, I just...”

Eva laughed and looked at Celeste with a twinkle in her eye.  “I'm sorry, dear, I was just trying to have a little fun.  I didn't mean to rile you up so.”

Celeste let out a breath and smiled.  “Okay, good.”

“Come then, young one, let's get you to work, shall we?” Eva turned to her wares.  “These emblems aren't going to craft themselves.”

…

Celeste spent several hours each day for the next three days working with Eva.  She was able to pick up quite a few tips from the outfitter, and was surprised at how willing the woman was to take her suggestions as well.  Once they were finished on the final day, Eva dusted off her hands, smiled, and patted Celeste on the shoulder.

“Well now, you definitely have some talent,” the woman said.  “If you ever feel like helping out again, you just let old Eva know, and I'll be glad to let you design more emblems.  I'm sure the Guardians will love these.”

“Thanks,” Celeste replied, “it was a lot of fun.”

“And good luck with your project, dear.”

“Thanks.  Again.”

Celeste waved and left, a bounce in her step.  With what she had gotten for helping Eva the last three days, she should have no problem following through on her plan.  Now, just to figure out exactly what she was going to be working with.

“Whisper,” she said, holding her hand out again for the Ghost.  He materialized, and she drew him in close.  Once she stepped out into the courtyard, she ducked behind some boxes that were piled near the wall.  “Show me the current Tower vendor inventory.”

“I can, but no one will sell anything to you since you haven't been officially named as a Guardian yet.”

“I know, I know,” she said with a huff.  “I have a plan to get around that.  Just do it, please.”

“Fine,” the Ghost whined, then brought up listings for all current weapon and armor vendors a the Tower.  

Celeste swiped through them until she found the perfect piece.  Once she knew what she wanted, Celeste reached behind the box and pulled out something swaddled in a dirty cloth.  She carefully unwrapped it, revealing an older model Guardian helmet.  She had found it in the old Tower and grabbed it out of curiosity one day.  Now she took a moment to clean some dust off of it, then shoved the cloth back behind the box.

“Uhm, what are you doing with that old thing?” Whisper asked, his shell twitching.

“I'm going to wear it. Duh.”

“But... why?”

“Just get this thing working, then watch and do what I tell you to do.”

Celeste slid on the helmet, which smelled old and musty inside.  Everything was pitch black for several moments, but just before she snapped at Whisper, the HUD sputtered and then flickered to life.

“Good work,” she said. With the helmet on and functional, Celeste stood and strode confidently out of the shadow of the boxes.  She moved around the small building that housed the Guardian post office, and leaned up against the corner.

“What are you doing?” Whisper asked over their shared bond.

“Shh, just wait and be ready.”

A Titan that she didn't know transmatted into the Courtyard.  Celeste broke from the wall, walking urgently toward him, waving her hand over her head.

“Hey!  Hey, buddy!” she called out, and the Titan turned to look at her.

“Me?”

“Yeah, you,” she said. “Look, I'm in a bind.  I have to rush out on an important mission. Bad guys to shoot, doohickeys to reclaim, you know the drill. Anyway, I really, really need to get this item,” Whisper displayed the image, “from the Vanguard vendor, but I have to run.  Would you get it for me?  Thanks.”

She handed him the glimmer that Eva had paid her.  The Titan looked at it and tried to sputter a protest.

“But... what... you're... who...?”

“Look, it's super important.  Keep any change.  Just make sure it gets delivered to Claney Beamard.  C. L. A. N. E. Y. B... something.  And, uh, if it doesn't show up, I'll kill you.  Hunter style.  Okay?  Okay!” Privately to Whisper, “Now, transmat me out of here.”

“To where?”

“I don't care where, just out of sight.”

“But...”

“Do it now!”

“See ya, Ti-” Celeste began as she felt the grip of a transmat catch her, and she made finger guns at the Titan just before she vanished.  She finished the motion as she reappeared, “-aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaan... Whisper!  What did you do?”

The Hunter flung herself backward.  She was standing on a ledge twenty feet below the top of the Wall, looking down over the City.  A heavy gust of wind threatened to knock her loose.

“You said out of sight.”

“Yes, but not where I might fall to my death.  Inside, inside!”

“Okay, just let me see where that Titan is...”

The transmat caught her again, and Celeste found herself back on top of the Tower, standing in the hallway that lead from the main courtyard to the hangar.  She collapsed to her knees in relief and took off the helmet.  Whisper materialized and swooped around her, his shell drooping.

“Sorry.”

“It's fine.  We're fine,” the Hunter repeated to herself several times, waving him off with her empty hand.  “It's fine.  We're fine.  Store the helmet away, would you?”

Whisper shone a beam over the helmet, scanning it.  After a few seconds, it transmatted away, stored for later use.  Celeste patted the little Ghost, then made her way to the living area and found a spot to spy on Claney's door.

After half an hour of waiting, she started to think the Titan had stolen her money.  Just as she started to get angry, a delivery person dropped a box off at Claney's door.  Celeste waited for the courier to leave, then slipped out of hiding, swiped the box, and darted away, making her way to one of her secret spots she had found in the Tower.  Once there, she opened the box and grinned at the contents.

“Perfect.”

…

The next day, Claney returned from the field to find Celeste waiting outside his door.  He offered her a weary half smile.

“Hey, Kiddo.”

“Hey, Old Man.  Rough trip?”

“You could say that.” Claney opened the door to his quarters and stepped inside and Celeste followed on his heels.

Once inside, the Titan took off his helmet and tossed it on the couch.  Celeste glanced at it, noting some new scarring.  There was a new crack on the back of his chest piece that Elgan had not quite managed to mend either. Definitely a rough mission.

“So,” Celeste began, “I know you just got back, but I was wondering if we could go to the old Tower today.”

Claney opened the fridge, looked inside, then shut it without removing anything.  He turned to look at her.  “I know you're excited about training, but I really don't think I can do that right now.  How about tomorrow.”

“No, no training.  I actually did some on my own while you were gone, actually.  There's something I want to show you.”

The Titan stared at her as if he was thinking about it.

“Pleeeeeease?” she asked, wrapping one hand around the other, bringing them to her chin, and batting her eyes at him.

“That's fine,” he said, “just stop with the cuteness.  Let me grab a bite to eat and we'll go.”

They made a quick stop at one of the many food shops and Claney grabbed a burger.  Food in hand, they strode along the Wall, heading to the old Tower.

“So you really trained on your own?” Claney asked her.

“Yep, all the different strikes and guards you taught me.”

“Good.  I'm glad to see you're taking it seriously,” the Titan said, patting her on the back.  “We'll have to put you through your paces tomorrow and see how you're doing.”

Eventually they reached the Tower and worked their way down to their training room.  They stepped in and Claney glanced around.  Nothing out of the ordinary jumped out at him.

“I thought you had to show me something.”

“I did, hang on,” Celeste said, and crossed the room.  She yanked open an old cabinet door and reached inside, pulling out a large bundle wrapped in a cloth.  “Here.”

“What is this?” Claney asked, accepting the offered item.

“Just look.”

Claney unfolding the cloth, letting the folds fall way.  In his hands, he was looking at the backside of the new Vanguard helmet.

“Celeste...”

“Turn it around,” she said with a barely concealed grin.

Claney gave her a curious look, and turned the helmet around in his hands.  Plastered on the faceplate of the helmet was a large, yellow smiley face.  Curiosity on his features turned to confusion.

“That is something,” he said.

“I know it's not really your style, but, I wanted to do something special for you,” she said.  “I've noticed lately that you just seem sad sometimes, and I thought this might cheer you up.  Or, at least you'd look happier when you wore it.”

The Titan looked at the helmet, then looked at her again.  He turned it around so that he was looking at the backside of it again, then raised it up and slid it over his head.

“How do I look?” he asked, holding his hands out wide, the grinning yellow face covering where his actual face would have been.

Celeste just smiled.

…

AN

This story was inspired by an image that NetRaptor showed me that she found with a Guardian with a smiley face painted on his helmet aiming his weapons with a young looking red-headed girl behind him and said it reminded her of Claney and Celeste.  It fit so perfect that I had to use it for a bit of inspiration.

[tisfan]

What Happens at the Beach House, Part IV

Title: Falling for Your Boyfriend, Idiot Creator: @tisfan Link: AO3 Square Filled: O5 - Romantic Gestures Ship: Tony Stark/Bucky Barnes Rating: teen Major Tags: eavesdropping, Howard Stark’s A+ parenting, romantic gestures, romance Summary: Well, no one said Howard was going to be at the beach house. Tony hears a little more than he was intended to… and maybe, just maybe, what happens at the beach house is going to go home with them. Word Count: 2,308 Created for @mcukinkbingo

A/n - title from one of the quotes in What Happens in Vegas, which is a truly horrible movie, and this is mostly in no way based on that film. Also this author would like to confess to watching entirely too many bad romcoms. But I think everyone knew that already.

What Happens at the Beach House | Stays at the Beach House | Rules of the Road | Falling for Your Boyfriend, Idiot

Bucky was gone by the time Tony got out of the shower -- and maybe he’d lingered there for a while, hiding under the running water until even his mother’s water heater had given up the ghost and started to cool off. The last day at his mom’s beach house, they were going to be packing up and Happy would drive them back to campus, Tony supposed, after lunch.

It wasn’t normal that Bucky was gone already. He’d always waited for Tony before, even on the days when Tony was determined to sleep through lunch, Bucky would pull out a book and read, or watch videos on his phone.

Yeah, okay, so Tony might have been getting a little tired of the act. It was harder and harder to remember as the days went by that he was going to have to give this up once they got back to school.

It wouldn’t matter. A little distance at the end of vacation, Mom would think it was just vacation ending blues. She used to tell him when he was younger that she felt the same way. Howard was different, she would say, away from the business, away from his workshop and office. And that she was always a little sad to leave.

Tony had always thought she was full of it; even when he was too young to recognize what, exactly, she was full of. Howard wasn’t any different on vacation than he was at home. He was always obsessive, greedy, needy, jealous bastard. Just, on vacation, he was focused on Mom, and at home, he was focused on work.

If Tony was screwing up, then he moved from last on Howard’s priority list to somewhere in the top 10, but never higher than five, Tony had decided.

Even a colossal Tony screw up never rated of any more concern than that.

Tony had long ago decided that if the house was on fire, Howard wouldn’t remember he had a son until it was too late to rescue him.

Thinking about Howard always turned Tony’s stomach. He’d have skipped breakfast entirely, except he knew if he didn’t get his morning coffee, he’d have a terrible headache in an hour or so.

Bucky might be done with breakfast already and they could spend the day avoiding each other. Probably. Maybe.

That turned Tony’s stomach too, and he started wondering if the headache was worth it. If he didn’t have to see Bucky, then he didn’t have to see Bucky ignoring him.

Tony decided that coffee was the thing; he’d at least grab a cup.

His brain pinging back and forth between Howard and Bucky, and both people ignoring him, he almost walked right past Howard’s study -- even at the beach house, they had an office for Howard -- without noticing there were voices from within.

Almost.

He paused, because--

(more under the cut)

“... funny that I never heard a peep about you until he came into a fortune,” Howard said.

Tony’s stomach dropped and took up refuge somewhere around his toes. Howard was here? No one had told him that Howard was expected. He leaned closer to the door, eyes narrowed.

“Did he?” That was Bucky, his voice not quite casual. “Good for him.”

“Mmmm,” Howard hummed thoughtfully. “How did you two meet?”

“Couple years ago,” Bucky said -- and that wasn’t right, they’d only met last year, during a class, “I was running the projector for a moviefest the science fiction club was hosting. Tony was there, I think he came to see Flash Gordon or something, but he fell asleep. I didn’t even know he was there, but when I was cleaning and packing up, I dropped the projector. Woke him up cussing because I’d broken it, and I didn’t have the money to replace it. Tony barely opened his eyes, got up, fixed the projector -- you know he carries a screwdriver around with him everywhere he goes? -- and wandered off before I could even say thank you. I didn’t know his name for another month, I think?”

Tony barely remembered that; he sort of remembered the film festival, but not doing repairs to an ancient projector, or talking with Bucky. Huh.

“Anyway, I guess we were introduced to each other, we were lab partners for Pym’s molecular bio class,. We were friends for a while; he helps me out with my car. I’ve been coaching him with his language and literature classes.” Bucky chuckled. “He, uh, he reads really fast, but he doesn’t always grasp metaphors and stuff. Makes writing lit papers difficult. He’s so cute, you know, he’ll pace around the room and be like, ‘no, the curtains are just blue, it doesn’t have to mean anything!’”

Now that, Tony remembered. The only reason he’d passed second year comp at all was because Bucky talked him through, silver-spoon feeding him, all the Christianity references in Villette. There were a lot.

“Helps you with your car? Makes the payments?”

“Huh? No,” Bucky said. “I own that car. She’s just, you know, kinda old. Tony likes playing with the engine anyway, so he’s been helping me with maintenance and stuff. You know the dealership wanted two grand to replace the sway bar? Tony did it in twenty minutes with a ten dollar part. And he’s fast. I told him he should try to get a spot on a NASCAR driver’s pit crew. He’d be a natural.”

Tony had to clap his hand over his mouth to keep from laughing. That would piss Howard off to no end, really. Bad enough Tony wasn’t majoring in business, wasn’t going to the school Howard wanted, was instead wrapped up in studying mechanical engineering, but not to go into the business at all, to be a dirty, grimy mechanic? Howard would chew nails and spit staples before he’d let that happen.

Bucky was a pretty good driver; Tony wondered if they could run away together and live off the winnings from track races.

Not, he thought, shaking himself all over, that Bucky wanted to run off with Tony to begin with.

And what the hell was Howard grilling him about anyway. Why the fuck was Howard even here?

His parents weren’t quite divorced yet; they’d seperated about six months ago, but Howard kept trying… Tony was pretty sure he was going to wear Mom out eventually. Maria Stark had about as much backbone as an earthworm, and Howard was pretty stubborn when he wanted something.

Tony had inherited all that stubbornness, and some of the backbone issue. He had a hard time standing up to Howard, even when he really, really wanted something.

“Would you be interested in a new car?” Howard speculated.

“Not really,” Bucky said. “I, uh, my insurance premiums are only like seventy dollars a month right now. If I gotta put collision and the value of a new car on top of that, no thank you. I’m making do, and Tony’s keeping her running.”

“Something could be arranged to take care of that,” Howard suggested. “You like race cars? Chevy’s got a really nice Corvette this year, we could cover the insurance for a few years, at least until it drops a bracket.”

Tony could almost see the dubious expression on Bucky’s face. “What are you getting at?”

“Look, I’ll square with you, kid,” and there came Howard’s showman’s voice, the I’m going to talk you into anything tones. “Tony’s being a thorn in my side. I built up Stark Industries from an idea in a garage, and I need him to stop messing around and put in some work so we don’t lose the company. This… engineering and fixing cars stuff, that’s just a distraction. Just… like you are a distraction.”

“I’m not quite following you, Mr. Stark,” Bucky said, but he sounded suspicious, like maybe he did.

Tony was half tempted to barrel in there before Howard could say something irrevocable. Or before Bucky could.

The rest of him wondered, exactly, what Howard thought he was doing.

And what Bucky was going to do about it.

“All of this,” Howard said. “This is what he needs to be thinking about, what he needs to be doing. And right now, everything’s going his way. He’s got school that he’s frittering time away with, and a boyfriend and all that.”

“And you, what? Aim t’ make him unhappy enough to do what you want?” Bucky sounded very unimpressed. “You know I don’t see him giving up on school just because we’re not dating anymore. He throws himself into work when he’s unhappy. You should see him every time he comes back to school after break. He’ll do it just to spite you.”

“Yeah, I think I know my son a little better than you do.”

Do not, do not, do not, Tony thought, like a recalcitrant toddler. That was one of Howard’s biggest problems. He didn’t know his family at all. He barely understood his wife, he had no idea what his son was like.

“I’m still waiting for what your proposal is,” Bucky said. “Because this conversation is going around in circles. You wanna just lay it on the table?”

“I’d like you to break things off with Tony,” Howard said.

“This may well be the first time I got a you’re no good for him talk from someone’s parents,” Bucky said, thoughtfully. “So, hit me with what’s in it for me.”

“I understand what you think you’re getting out of Tony,” Howard said.

“No, sir, I really don’t think you do,” Bucky said.

“You think he’s a meal ticket, that he’s a steady rush of wine and dine,” Howard carried on, as if he hadn’t heard Bucky at all. “And you know and I know that college relationships don’t last. You’re a man of the real world, Barnes. Not like Tony, with his head in the clouds. So, let me just skip to the good part. I will cut you a check for fifty thousand dollars.”

Tony almost fell over; he had to cling to the doorframe as his knees went weak.

“Why does this sound like a proposal you’ve made before,” Bucky wondered. “Did you offer that girl a similar deal? Because Sunset dropped Tony like he was a hot brick.”

“Bain was reasonable,” Howard said. “Think what it could mean, Barnes, starting out your career without debt.”

Tony considered bursting in, now. Howard had paid Sunset to dump him? Painfully, letting Tony catch her with another guy? That was… that was fucking low, and Tony wasn’t sure why the hell he was surprised. Not that Sunset was the kind of person that Tony wanted to be with, if she could be paid off so easily.

“I think you don’t know the first thing about Tony,” Bucky was saying, and Tony dragged his attention back to his eavesdropping. “I think you don’t appreciate what you’ve got. Tony has money, but you know what? I don’t care about that. I care that he’s smart. I care that he’s clever. I care that his face lights up when he’s discussing engineering, and how he believes that the rules of physics don’t necessarily apply to him. I love the way his eyes crinkle up when he’s happy. And I don’t think there’s enough money in the world to break his heart for you.”

“It won’t last,” Howard said. “I’ve watched him be unable to maintain friendships. He forgets that the real world exists. He forgets to shower, wears dirty clothes, forgets to eat or sleep. He gets lost in his workshop, and then by the time he remembers that other people are real, they’re gone. You’ll end up without him, no matter what. I’m just offering to make it nice and convenient, and on your own timetable. With a sizeable incentive.”

“I think you’re a bastard,” Bucky said. “And now I won’t do it just to goddamn spite you.”

“You’re being foolish,” Howard snarled, all the charm dropping out of his voice.

“Maybe so,” Bucky said. “But being in love makes fools of all of us, doesn’t it, Mr. Stark?”

Tony let his hand drop off the door, backed up a few steps.

It didn’t make sense.

Why wouldn’t Bucky just take the money? He and Tony weren’t actually dating, the money was just a bonus on what was going to happen as soon as they got back to school anyway.

Bucky’d sounded very sincere.

Being in love makes fools of us all…

Tony stopped dead in the hallway.

What?

Bucky slammed the door to Howard’s study open, ready to storm out of the room, then, “Take your hands off me,” he snapped angrily. “I said-- oh, Tony.”

Whatever Howard was ready to say was bitten off behind his teeth as he followed Bucky out into the hall and saw Tony standing there, probably looking like an idiot, gawking.

“Oh, hey, Bucky,” Tony said, wildly, trying to sound nonchalant and probably missing the mark by a mile. “I was looking for you, did you want to, you know, go for a walk, since we’re leaving right after lunch and this’ll be the last opportunity?”

“Yeah, baby,” Bucky said, still glaring at Howard. “That sounds like it’d be great. Let’s go that.”

He was at Tony’s side in a moment, gripping Tony’s arm a little harder than he probably meant to, fingers digging into Tony’s bicep in a painful clench.

“Hi, Dad,” Tony said, waving. “Bye, Dad.”

Howard just stood there, fist clenched.

Probably Howard didn’t think it was worth the effort to assault someone who wasn’t a family member. Although he might reconsider it. Howard had really good lawyers.

“Let’s go,” Bucky said under his breath, not looking back. His shoulders were stiff and Tony was getting a sore jaw, listening to the way Bucky was clenching his teeth.

“Yeah, let’s… let’s do that.” 

[untaintedtea]

>Is there at LEAST one video of yennefer giving geralt a makeover on her channel?? Pls omg pls >Does she do their makeup when they cosplay? >Have they ever been kicked out of a con? >is there yenralt shippers in this universe? They photoshop images of them and create YouTube comps of them interacting (its weird) > does geralt have a reaction video to the death stranding gameplay vid?-'sndjskkskek Omg pls give us more headcannons whenever you can plsss

Thanks so much for all the questions anon!! @vengerberg and I got you:

There is definitely a video of Yennefer giving Geralt a makeover with a very nice smokey eye; there's also a "my boyfriend does my makeup" type video on her channel except they don't call each other boyfriend/girlfriend so it's titled "My Dear Friend Does My Makeup"

Yen does their makeup for their cosplays, but before they met her they did it themselves and it wasn't good at all. Ciri actually finds Yen's channel by doing a generic makeup search since Yen's vids get a ton of views. 

Ciri's been kicked out of a con for vaping indoors. She was streaming at con so footage of her being kicked out is immortalized and one of the reasons she got popular/got more attention online. She did it since people wanted a photo and forgot you can't vape inside. She posts a public explanation about it afterwards.

ABSOLUTELY there are weird Yenralt shippers in this universe doing their regular activities like running stan accounts, group chats, making headcanons, and recording every minuscule interaction they have of each other. Yen has actually found some fanfic people wrote about them and finds it amusing more than anything. Ciri knows people ship them and at first she thought it was funny (bc u kno she secretly ships them too) but some stans comment on her vids/tweets/etc about Yen/Geralt and she starts blocking them since they're so annoying and irrelevant to her own content

Geralt doesn't have a reaction video to Death Stranding exactly, but he played the E3 stream on his channel with Ciri and Eskel and talked about it and all the other games. Eskel makes a 30+ min analysis vid since he runs an Intellectual game theory/history channel. Lambert's the one who makes an annoying reaction vid (which is why he wasn't streaming with them)

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[prorevenge]

Orthodontist Fiasco Gets Fixed

just a heads up, this is gonna get really long

so I’ve always had a problem with my teeth. I have a really bad overbite that pushed apart my two front teeth so wide you could drive a truck through them. It was so bad that I was recommended to get braces as soon as my baby teeth all fell out. So by the time I was 12 I went to an orthodontist that my mom’s friend had spoke well of. The dentist and his staff were pleasant and did their job efficiently. By the time I was 15 (near 16) I got the green light to have my braces removed.

My parents were willing to pay for everything up front. They wanted my teeth to be right. Neither of my parents were able to have much quality work on their teeth when they were my age and they sincerely regretted it. They didn’t want me to be like that.

Anyone who has ever had braces and the subsequent retainers know what’s coming next. The dreaded impressions. Only it wasn’t that bad because the hygienist seemed to understand the basic idea of displacement and just put enough putty in the mold that it was only mildly uncomfortable. During the time that I was getting my retainers set up, the dentist who I had originally started going to was slowly transitioning his practice over to another guy, who we’ll call Dr. Bluff.

Dr. Bluff was very nice and friendly, more so than the original guy. I liked him.

Fast forward about 3 years to now, when I’m 19 and my retainer breaks. It was the bottom one and because of my overbite it threw off the whole system. However, we decided to wait until our next regular dentist appointment to ask what we should do about it. And then we had to push that appointment back because we got sick.

I reasoned that our regular dentist would tell us to just go back to the orthodontist who did the retainer originally and set up an appointment there. We go there (I mean me & my mom since I’m living at home and she’s retired so she can traipse around with me wherever) and as soon as I walk in the office I know in the pit of my stomach something was not going to go right today.

I go back and the hygienist takes a look at my front teeth (which had the gap between them again *SIGH*) and she said 1) she’ll need to take new impressions for my retainer and 2) that Dr. Bluff might want to close the gap before I get my new retainer. I ask her if we should hold off on the impression until after Dr. Bluff has seen it and we make a decision so we don’t waste an impression. She just shrugs and puts the impression tray in my mouth.

Now the thing that should be noted about this particular orthodontist office is that the general treatment area is a big room in the back comprised of five dentists chairs in a semicircle. There is no privacy.

The second she presses the putty against my teeth, it goes down my mouth towards my throat and I start gagging. I’m crying and gagging in the chair and she’s trying to keep me still. After five minutes of hell she finally pulls it out and sends me (and my mouth full of leftover putty bits) over to the communal sink to clean up while i’m embarrassed to hell and blushing like a priest at an orgy.

so i try to mask my light crying and get my mom to come into the back & talk about options on how we’re going to close my front teeth gap. We come up with a solution but it’s going to take two weeks of temporary braces and then another impression for the top. I look at the hygienist, who somehow had the absolute balls to look unfazed.

On the ride home I explain to my mom what happened and she said that she has the same problem re: gag reflex. She said that general dentist work is hell because of it. She tells me to mention it next time. I agreed and added that I would ask the next hygienist to put less putty in the tray so the displaced putty doesn’t trigger my gag reflex. We nod and decide that this is our game plan.

Cut to two weeks later to the day from hell. I had to wake up super early to help my mom take my grandmother to the doctor and after we got that sorted, mom and I went to the orthodontist to get the temp braces taken off and the new impressions done. I wait 30 mins to get called back and then another 15 mins to finally have someone come over and do something. Dr. Bluff takes off the temp braces, grinding the glue off my teeth. Only, as he’s grinding, it’s like he’s oblivious to my very loud grunts of pain. It hurts and it smells and all the debris is either going right up my nose or all over my glasses.

After he’s done I get a reprieve and clean the taste out of my mouth. Back to the chair. I look around and see that they’ve filled all of the other 4 chairs. Oh boy.

So I talk to hygienist that I have a bad gag reflex and I ask her if she could fill the tray not as full because the over-flow/displaced putty/whatever sets off my gag reflex. I joke (but kind of not) that the last thing I wanted to do that morning was throw up on them.

Then Dr. Bluff starts making jokes about previous patients who had puked in the chair. And look, I know that when your job is working in someone’s mouth, puking is going to happen, but at the rate he was mentioning? That’s bad. That’s really bad. That means that there is some fundamentally wrong with what you’re doing.

Impression time! Because I had mentioned gagging and puking they had the tiniest puke bowl known to man under my chin the second the tray went into my mouth. They did this because apparently the hygienist didn’t hear a word I said and filled the tray as full as she could.

The very second she applied pressure to the tray caused the displaced putty to flow out of the tray, down the roof of my mouth, and down my throat. It cut off my fucking air supply. I couldn’t breathe. I was gagging and crying and sobbing and screaming (as well as one can when they can’t breathe). I’m about half a second from blacking out when they finally take the tray out of my mouth- only to have the overflow piece BREAK OFF AND LODGE IN MY THROAT. Cue another five minutes of gagging and crying as they blankly stare at me, trying to figure out what my problem was.

I finally cough it up and they send me over to the sink to clean up. I’m straight up crying and my cheeks are redder than hell and I can feel the other patients’ eyes on me like goddamn bullets in my shoulders. As soon as I can get out of that room I do.

I put on my sunglasses to cover my cry-swollen eyes. The second I walk into the waiting room, my mom knows that something is wrong. I try to hustle the secretaries through making an appointment for the next day to pick up my retainer and I feel like i’m about to die. Mom doesn’t question me because she senses that I Do Not Want To Talk About It Right Here.

So we go down the steps and into the lobby (it’s a second-floor office in a communal building) and before we could even make it to the front door I break down crying. I was fucking hysterical. I was shaking so had my mom couldn’t get a firm grip on me so she could hug me. She makes me take half of a nerve pill which she keeps on her in case of panic/anxiety/nerve attacks. I’m in such a bad state that I can’t drive and I burst into crying fits the entire ride home.

So we get home and the pill’s started to kick in. I’m still really shaken and upset but I’m not literally shaking or sobbing uncontrollably. So I sit and watch some funny videos to calm myself down before I begin to hatch my plan.

I looked up Dr. Bluff and his office on google and on every link on the first two pages of google that had a review function I left a 1-star reviewing detailing my experience. I ended them all by saying that the only reason i would ever go back would be to get my pre-paid retainer and that I was absolutely terrified that I would die in that office.

I sincerely was. I still am.

Anyway. A few hours later, i get a call. IT’S DR. BLUFF AND HE WANTS TO TALK TO ME. He says that he heard that I “didn’t have a good experience today.” He gave a few excuses, tripping over himself to not actually apologize for anything, and then offered to comp the cost of my retainer (which was up to $300 that we paid since we don’t have dental insurance). He only asked that I take down the review (he had only seen one).

But the next day, it got better. We were running like ten minutes late to the appointment and I was freaking the whole time. The second we signed in we got called back. Dr. Bluff invited us into his office and invited us to sit down (we didn’t). He apologized without somehow managing to properly apologize but in the end he comped the cost of my retainer, offer to have a 3D model of my teeth made & shipped to us for future reference FOR FREE, and asked if he could use my review (all versions of which I had since taken down but he had actually saved) for training purposes. I agreed. Mom also made a point of reminding him that he had a lot of younger kids who came through his office and weren’t used to dental work like I was.

To put it in my mother’s words, he was eating crow.

So now, about two weeks later, I’m sitting here with my retainer in my mouth and a dull but persistent ache in my shoulder thanks to the thrashing & gagging that their shitty impression made me do. I actually had to miss a day of work because of the pain. But personally, I think that in end it balanced out.

[ol-razzle-dazazzle]

All the gay asks bc you made me do all of them

OWO thank you I love you1. describe your idea of a perfect dateAll of them??? Kakhiwkdkalgr walking around the beach or going to a bookstore or maybe a forest to chill or an abandoned place for a spooky date??? Movie date??? Ocean date??? Marriage date??? All good!!! Crab catching would certainly be on the agenda though. The oceans the best2. whats your “type”My type? Uhh anyone that’s nice to me lmao. Someone i can joke with and I know that cares about me. Quiet on the outside but like, nurturing and fun when you get to know em. Someone that doesn’t let people treat em like garbage because i yearn to be like that. On a side note I’m not sure why but most people i used to tend to have crushes on were ISFJs (or ESFJs) probably because they fit the criteria above. I don’t really like people that are totally my personality, and I think it’s important to not surround yourself with yes people or people that vehemently disagree with you. And communication! V important In terms of looks though? The kinds of girls I’m attracted to vary a lot actually. Buff girls soft girls tall girls short girls thin girls medium girls big tiddy little tiddy it’s all good. I guess I tend to prefer girls that aren’t white (not in a fetishistic way of course it’s just most girls that I’ve had crushes on or knew that were gay that were white just had really bad personalities and that brand of White Feminism™️ sorry if I worded this poorly) brown or black hair I guess? Just someone that doesn’t look like me adjnrujbslltgbk. Also someone I can squish and hug nicely. Of course I think there’s a lotta bullshit with people limiting themselves to only a few criteria and the racism or body type discrimination is total bullshit. Fetishisation is just as bad. There’s just so many cute girls out there why be a shitlord to people y’know? 3. do you want kids?Later on in life, if my partner would then yeah sure why not. I hate babies though so I would...4. if you do, will you adopt or use some other form of child birth?Adopt definitely. I’d personally prefer to adopt a kid that’s older, because they have a less chance of being chosen and I want them to be raised in a loving environment. 5. describe the cutest date you’ve ever been onI’ve never been on an actual date ;v; but tbh any date I’d have with my gf would automatically top the list6. describe your experience having sex for the first time (were you nervous? or was it easy peasy?)I’ve never had sex so I got no gosh dang clue aside from fantasies, which I would be nervous as heck but ultimately want to be as adoring as possible and kisses everywhere7. are you a morning time gay or night time gay?Mornings when you don’t have to go to things are amazing and beautiful but otherwise afternoon or night time gay. Anything that isn’t midday is good though8. opinion on nap dates?I’d be down for it. Sleeping is great, but cuddling and sleeping? Even better! Doesn’t matter for how long but yes! Good shit!!! 9. opinion on brown eyes?Only the most beautiful thing ever??? Brown and black eyes being ugly is a government lie, they are gorgeous. Black eyes just have that deep obsidian stare and like an adoring cat with dialated pupils you just want to hug, and brown eyes??? When the light hits them or you’re staring into them? Beautiful galaxies my dude. 10. dog gay or cat gay?I love dogs but I would never own one unless my partner wanted one. They’re just not a companion I prefer to cats. Cats are very good and fluffy and compact in comparison to dogs. Dogs are amazing though and I need to pay every one I see. 11. would you ever date someone who owned rodents or reptiles?Dude we already planned to live in a pseudo-barn to have crabs, rats, bats, cats and lizards 12. whats a turn off you look for before you start officially dating someoneSomeone who’s very ‘my way or the high way’. (My mum’s a lot like this and it’s caused me to try to constantly be appeasing. But with my mental illness I’ve gotten a lot more irritated by it.) Or someone that is a bit too mean I’m joking about people to the point where you don’t know if they’re serious. (I have this problem a lot with ‘friends’ and it leads to a lot of doubts and depression.) Also highly argumentative people who want to seem better than you and debate everything you say. (Just...ew.)13. what is a misconception you had about lgbt people before you realized you were one?I live in a homophobic family, so I used to think gay was a swear word lmao. I was told that we were unnatural, burning in hell, hypersexual, all that shit. Issues on trans people were even worse, and back when I considered the possibility of me being a trans man (while I experience dysphoria In my body I don’t think I would ID as a man- at the time I didn’t know what agender identities were) I was made to feel like it was the worst thing ever or that it didn’t exist that everyone was just straight and ‘normal’ 14. what is a piece of advice you would give to your younger selfDon’t pretend you’re aroace to hide who you are, you’re autistic but that’s okay just don’t overwhelm yourself, try to do things to the best you can. Also toxic feminity/masculinity is bullshit don’t feel guilty about wearing anything. You’re gay it’s so much easier now and don’t let people dictate of make you defend yourself 15. (if attracted to more than one gender) do you have different “types” for different genders?Lmao nah. There is always that awkward moment when you think you see a hot butch but then he’s a twink. Bamboozled again. 16. who is an ex you regret?A few years ago I was forced into a relationship with some rude ass dude who ignored that I ID’d as aroace at the time. I guess at the time I had some comp het so I think that’s why I went along with it? It was kinda some toxic shit like nothing nsfw but he was just a huge dick that went off at the slightest disagreement and I’m glad I got rid of that trash lmao17. night club gay or cafe gay?Cafe gay by far!!! Well I’ve never been to a night club, but I’m someone who gets overwhelmed by loud noises and people, so it wouldn’t be the place for me. Cafes are relaxing18. who is one person you would “go straight” forNo one lmao, The only possibility of slightly me becoming straight is like a fictional character19. video game gay, book gay, or movie gay?Books and video game gay! There needs to be more gaymes, but books are good I just have less time to read them as opposed to gaymes which I can do whenever 20. favourite gay ship (canon or not)Probably RenMerry from Touhou! These two mean a lot to me, and got me into the series that helped me realise I was a lesbian! These two just work so well together that I strive to have a relationship like that- a slightly bickery old couple with the freshness of new adventure tied together with a love that will never fade away even as it transcends borders~21. favourite gay youtuberDon’t really have one. I’m not really into the British youtuber scene and the ones that I do sub don’t really talk about their sexuality or not (I think sailor j might be bi? But that’s about it) I usually watch comedy channels or vocaloid covers. Actually Oktavia’s Gay, yeah let’s go with her. Her voice is amazing and made me realise how much I love deep voices22. have you ever unknowingly asked out a straight person?Ahbkowejkboesh I’ve had crushes on straight people that I’ve wanted to hang out with but no of course not I’m too shy for that shit23. have you ever been in love?Yes! And I’m still doing so right now! 24. have you ever been heartbroken?While in a relationship? No. But like the whole ‘falling in love with a straight girl senpai and then everyone tells her that you have a crush on her which causes you to be distant to each other leading you to cry copiously at her graduation and never truly repairing your friendship which is all you ever wanted and never being able to talk to her again?’ ...y yeah 25. how do you determine if you want to be them or be with someoneHonestly I try to make a distinction between ‘people I have crushes on’ and ‘people I would date’ bc yeah someone might be cute but dating is another story. I’m someone who varies a lot in style (as someone who may possibly be gender fluid or agender but hasnthad the opportunity to explore that for family reasons) 26. favourite lgbt musician/bandUhhh Queen I guess? Idk I need more gay shit recommend me please. Queen is quality shit though 27. what is a piece of advice you have for young / baby gaysDon’t ever feel the need to apologise or defend you being gay. Be happy even if other people aren’t about you. If you’re autistic chances are you’ll question your identity, don’t worry about it and just love who you love. If you’re a lesbian especially don’t apologise or feel you have to be in a certain role to ‘be truly gay’ and also please ask people out otherwise you’ll never get anywhere- all lesbians are useless and I got lucky shjgowkgowlgr. But above all, don’t feel guilty and have fun exploring yourself and fleshing our who you are, even if you can’t always show that out loud. 28. are you out? if so how did you come outI’m not out to any family member (I say that I’m aroace but they believe I’m straight despite jokes on the contrary) but pretty much everyone that isn’t a complete stranger knows. I can’t help but talk adoringly over my girlfriend so it just happens. Otherwise I go on some spheal about homophobic bullshit dropping hints that I’m gay before saying I’m gay. It’s led to some shittalking and other various bullshit but I don’t give a fuck anymore 29. what is the most uncomfortable / strange coming out experience you have Believing I was aroace and my friends saying that i was in denial of being gay. I was like ‘lmao Domi’s just a friend I lowkey have a crush on her but she’s just being nice :^)’ then like a week later burst through the door like BITCH GUESS WHOS GAY FOR HER GIRLFRIEND 30. what is a piece of advice for people who may not be in a safe place to express their sexualityEvaluate the consequences of coming out. While I live in a homophobic family, Australia is somewhat accepting and there’s no conversion therapy to my knowledge at least (there are highly fundamentalist Christian groups but I’m not sure if they include forms of violence) Especially if you are in an anti-gay country or an area where you could be persecuted, I think it’s important to be out to at least one person you know who supports you. It could be online or a friend that you know you could trust (if you don’t know if you could try subtly bring it up and see their reaction, but better safe than sorry.) because it’s hard to go through this entirely alone. While it’s important to be unapologetic of who you are, it’s more important to protect yourself- this doesn’t make you wrong, but the people who make you feel wrong wrong.

[liftheavy-eattacos]

Striking out on my own

I am power lifter. 

I am not athletic. I am not not fast, or agile. I’m not very coordinated. But I am good at putting on muscle. 

In the spring of 2011, I had never touched a barbell. I had no desire to lift heavy weights. But there was a crossfit gym around the corner from my office, so I decided to give it a try. I respond well to structured classes and I like a group environment. 

So I was a crossfiter. And for a while I was super into olympic lifting. Again, not being super athletic, I found it was the one aspect of crossfit that I could really excel at. But by the summer of 2015, my gym was going downhill fast, coaches were jumping ship, the place looked and actually smelled like garbage. So I joined a rival gym. It was more convenient to my commute, as by this time I had a new job, and the class offerings were far superior. They had dedicated weight lifting classes every day! 

It was here that I discovered power lifting. The weight lifting classes were broken up into power and oly. And I decided I should brush up on the “basics” before moving on to a full oly schedule. I never moved on. I discovered that I really just liked raw power lifting. Fuck crossfit. That shit was hard, and I never really felt like it was giving me a proper cardiovascular workout. Also, who wants to do 100 of something for time? The members were so judgemental and competitive. I actually didn’t enjoy going to any classes that weren’t lifting. In fact if you didn’t go to a lifting class, there was a good chance you could go weeks without touching a barbell. 

Eventually I became disenchanted with the new gym. I stopped going regularly. I missed classes that I had signed up for. It just wasn’t working out. 

After some time off, I started going with my boyfriend to his gym on the weekends. I could say I was surprised by how week I had gotten. But I wasn’t. It had been about four months since I had lifted with any regularity. My 125# bench was down to 95#. I could barely walk after 5x5 135# squats. And my 250# deadlift was in the low 200′s. But I realized that I didn’t need crossfit to lift. I could do this on my own. 

So I joined a new gym! Again! There’s a “fancy” women’s only gym near my apartment, and they have a branch near my office. Despite being a luxury gym, it was still cheaper than crossfit. And they had spin classes! I started lifting regularly again and got my bench back to 125# and my squat all the way up to 225# using the Strong Lifts 5x5 program. There was a coach at the gym who specialized in powerlifting, but I couldn’t afford her one on one coaching. 

Eventually she contacted me when she had an opening for a partner coaching session. It was still expensive, but much more reasonably priced. And training with her would give me four days total of programing, so in late September I started working with her. 

Training was going alright. I was constantly frustrated that she did not seem to have a handle on my strength. I honestly don’t think that she had ever had a client who had any lifting experience before working with her, let alone years worth. After a month or so, she asked if I wanted to sign up for a competition. Sure, why not? It was a beginner comp, push pull only. So we focused hard on my deadlift and bench. Got my bench up to 145# and my deadlift up to 260# and 20# and 10# pr respectively. 

After the comp, I felt really beat up in the shoulder. I have an old crossfit injury where I bruised the bone of my rotator cuff, and two full bench days was proving to be too much for me. When I asked if we could back off bench, and I explained my injury. Instead of maybe subbing in some more squat, or back work. I was assigned PT style exercises. A non PT should never try to assess an injury like this. She would not accept that it was not a muscle that was injured but the scar tissue already build up on the bone was being aggravated. What I really needed to do what not have two full days of bench and arm work, but split up all of the lifts across the four days. A much more wholistic approach. 

I realized that this coach was so eager to have me on as a client, that she never sat down to discuss my exercise history, injury history, goals, etc. And we had focused so much on my bench and deadlift, that I felt like my poor squats were ignored! I actually just did my own programming for squats to make sure I wasn’t losing any strength! 

To get to the point. I was done with my coach. We weren’t even meeting in person anymore. She left the gym, and I was paying nearly $200 a month for someone to just give me programming. I’m definitely appreciative of the gains that I have made. But I need to think about my long term health over adding a few pounds to my bench. 

So now I am striking it out on my own! I’m using The Strength Athlete intermediate template as a jumping off point. I think the format of it will lend itself nicely to continue to make progress on my lifts, but also not over-stress any one area, especially my shoulder, on any given day. 

So follow me here as I share my progress! I’ll share videos. My training plan. Maybe some meal prep stuff. We’ll see.