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ohwell-itsme-but-danganronpa · 7 months

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Situationship to Exes to Lovers [Saiouma Prompt]

Clown: Thinking about saiou being in the middle of completely mundane activities where shuichi casually brings up "I think I'm in love with you" And kokichi immeadiately responds with "You're insane" And they have this conversation like 6 times Ajsgdhdb I just want them to completely brush over it and continue on with whatever they were doing like nothing happened

Dra: Is it done for the "wait that was akward I'll just pretend it didn't happen" way or "I'm unlovable and will ignore it" way

Clown: Hmmm, in like the this is a fun fact we've both fully accepted but aren't ready/ don't feel the need to have a full discussion about it yet But it can be angst, as a treat

Dra: Aww,, waiting until ready my beloved

Beez: i interpreted this as like, theyre already dating, and its just a running inside joke between them kahdkshdjdk

Ves: "love you" "ur just trying to get my money huh" (he is broke) "love you" "YOU POISONED THIS DINNER DIDN'T YOU"

Clown: In the middle of a game of chess "I love you" "your psychological warfare is cheap, really."

Hina: Oh shit we all had different interpretations I thought that this was the first time he says it and it's just. "I love you.", "You're insane." And then they don't adress it, just comfortably live with it

Dra: They move in together and confirm nothing [!! emoji]

Ves: shuuichi knowing kokichi loves him back but he isn't ready to say it yet,,,,,

Clown: I really like the thought of it being really casual, they've found a place that's really comfortable with each other. Enough that shuichi doesn't think twice before casually dropping the bomb because it feels right. And there's no need to pursue it immediately because there's no rush, no judgment between them hehehehe Shuichi just does it whenever he feels like and there's no expectation attached to it because they'll keep going as they are for now

Dra: They comfy,,,,,,,,,

Clown: Okay so now we can angst it

Ves: insecure shuuichi,,,,,,,

Clown: Shuichi becoming really anxious at the lack of answers Maybe meanwhile ouma takes it mostly as shuichi joking around

Ves: i think when kokichi finally says it back it'd be sometime when he doesn't have to face it mumbled into the back of shuuichi's neck in bed..

Dra: Why is he like this [sob emoji]

Ves: terminal clown disease "haha wouldn't it be funny if you actually loved me??? ANYWAY" olympic sprinting from that commitment

Dra: Me @ him

[this wasn't necessary to include, but consider: funny to me]

Clown: Shuichis burying his face in his pillow after the 3rd time ouma seemingly brushes off his confession and meanwhile ouma is just. "Heh, he really though he could get me with that one, oldest trick in the book I'm 6 steps ahead-" Ouma is allergic to heart to hearts he's breaking out into hives

Dra: What would Shu gain from pretending to love him please [sob emoji]

Ves: his CRIMINAL EMPIRE smh dra his WEAKNESSES

Clown: The fact that he feels like he's losing is a crime in itself Shuichi stole his lunch money (feelings)

Ves: seriously though…shuuichi can't wait forever. bro better shape up or he's getting left

Clown: Shuichi starts to distance himself and ouma doubles down on trying to get his attention But its not working and he doesn't quite understand what he's done wrong Maybe shuichi just got tired of him too

Dra: Shu is in "You just want me to entertain you but never care for me back" mode now fuck

Me: oh, they're doomed

Ves: NOOOOOO THEY CAN MAKE UP I BELIEVE IN THEM

Dra: He also blames himself for being distant bc "I fell in love with him who cares if he just wants to use me at least we could spend time together"

Ves: shuuichi's gonna end up The One Who Got Away frrr he breaks the news of a job out of the country.. he leaves. they still never talk about it they basically cut contact but they can meet again years down the line bc i can't take them breaking up FOREVER

Clown: THEY HIT THE SPEEDRUN BUTTON They weren't even dating and they broke up, why are they like this [sob emoji]

Dra: How kicked puppy are they when away from each other

Ves: Maximum for at least a year kokichi never quite gets over it shuuichi moves on a lot more and then they do something stupid af like end up as coworkers

Dra: PETTY ARC

Ves: WOULD THEY BE,,,, i feel like it'd be more awkward and sad kokichi never forgave himself yknow yknow

Dra: I think he'd be "You left me" to Shu a lil

Clown: he tried to confess to him before shuichi left but circumstances made it so shuichi couldn't hear him

Ves: OKAY BUT HE'S GOTTA BE BETTER NOW OR ELSE THEYRE NEVER GETTING TOGETHER- DICE bullied kokichi into therapy after he turned into goo post-breakup okay. he's a leeeettle better at communication now

Dra: One of them sees the other crying over something and they just hug for way too long instead of talking

Ves: they get tipsy at a company bonding outing

Dra: They fall asleep clinging to each other !!

Beez: its the best sleep theyve had in ages /hj

Clown: Okay, okay. Shuichi arriving at the company post a messy breakup who's wary as all hell about hanging around ouma again. He doesn't wanna be hurt again. But its so easy to fall right back into the place he had with ouma and bicker despite the lingering tension. Ouma is post neet era. Took him a bit to accept help from dice and friends but he's finally breaking in there. Shuichi lighthearted asks about his plans to rule the world with his orginazation and ouma shrugs and says "I guess we grew up." They don't talk about anything until the alcohol lmao They're dapper buisness men at a soul sucking company I'm assuming aksbdkdh Where do they work actually??

Ves: i was assuming a detective agency

Dra: And what do they talk about when drunk enough [eyes emoji]

Ves: the good mediocre old times? "we were real stupid back then huh. wanna make out"

Dra: Did Ko become a detective too help

Ves: IT'S ONE OF THE BEST JOBS FOR HIM I'LL DIE ON THIS HILLLLL

Dra: They get fired for this/j [making out]

Ves: they hide in a corner it's fine

Clown: Fully silly speedrun one night stand that they both don't know how to deal with and now they're working on a case together whose events they're going to metaphorically link to their current lives/j

Hina: "This murder is just like the death of our relationship"

Ves: "see how these people didn't communicate, kokichi?? SEE WHAT HAPPENED TO THEM???????"

Dra: Who wakes up/gets sober first [eyes emoji]

Ves: kokichi unfortunately shuuichi is a Squeezer so no escaping for him <333

Clown: He's going to jump out a window to escape alshsk

Ves: NUH UH he tries but shuuichi wakes up they cook breakfast together. it's. An Experience

Dra: They get eggshells in the yolk because fuck them/pl

Ves: these eggshells are also a metaphor for their-[GETS SHOT]

Me: Shuichi waking up groggily, what could he mumble to destroy Kokichi who's already been dying for half an hour?

Dra: An ex's name/j

Me: noooo that's not how I meant it!

Ves: an old petname

Me: YESSS

Ves: for a minute he doesn't even realize all those years've passed,,,,, kokichi's hair is still FUCKING ITCHY-

Hina: No but this was my first thought too It was that or "This was a mistake" Or even "Who are you?"

Ves: THIS IS MEANT TO BE THEIR RECONCILIATION GUYS WGAT THE FUCK

Me: that's as far off from what I wanted as it gets, I was trying to think of something cheesy with extra cheese, like "you stayed,,," is not enough

Dra: He says darling in the most eepy voice ever methinks

Hina: Or even just a "Stay…"

Ves: my goto for Maximum Sap is bunny but i know that makes some people cringe SNDJSBHDFJBGF….hitting him with darling could be an instakill… is he aware of the situation or is it more of a 'nooooo it's too early babe,,,,'

Me: something that was more personal to them, a pet name that clearly has a story behind it unaware, more than half asleep

Ves: if there has to be a Story than i am once again proposing bnuy

Dra: While yes they definitely have that Saiou are also the type of mfs to call each other a random object for the funnies and it sticks

Me: that counts as having a story and being something specific to them

Ves: i maintain that all their petnames start out Stupid

Clown: Called him bunny because ouma wouldn't stop trying to eat cardboard/j

Ves: it was their pens and cords actually. but i think he'd try cardboard if you put it in his hands when he was distracted enough but also a random object? does shuuichi just wake up and say paperclip?

Dra: Yes

Checkers: Kokichi starts calling him Baby Carrot

Ves: did i tell you about the 'punk' one i watch a streamer who apparently started calling her husband pumpkin -> then punkin -> then just punk. i know this because when he comes in the room she says PUNK!! in the most affectionate voice and it's hilarious every time very saioucoded

Clown: Shuichi lovingly calling ouma "punk" beloved

Clown: Okay, so saiou waking up together. Do they talk about it? Or is it an unspoken thing? And will there be a dramatic scene where ouma is physically ripped from his silly little dodging commitment Era when there's a real threat he might lose shuichi forever? /hj

Dra: Maybe not forever but something happens and Shu might have to leave again and he DOES NOT want that

Clown: Ajsgdjdh I was gonna shoot shuichi BUT YES

Me: it was a christmas office party and they got snowed in together I'm talking like. Snowstorm hits as they're eating breakfast, Ouma is watching his plans of leaving asap after they eat and not touching any heavy topics slip through his fingers as it's howling against the windows

Ves: ah, getting snowed in…mother nature's get along sweater the discussion is very stilted but it HAPPENS okay and then they kith <3

Dra: What if they like. Use metaphors. It's hard to actually talk about it so they pretend they're only talking about the weather

Ves: shuuichi starts it as a way to give kokichi an out but still make him Talk

Clown: Shuichi finding ways to get what he wants without sacrificing ouma's lying shield YES

Ves: they communicate strangely but they still do

Dra: Something something "The windows can't hold the snow out forever, they'll either need stronger support or the wind should be considerate and calm down" (I knew you weren't ready but it kept hurting me when you avoided me and I couldn't take it anymore.)

Ves: as the serious conversation (and coded apologies) eases down it just gets. Silly bad adult film dialogue they're both giggling like 'hmmm maybe the wind should get on over here then-' 'i sure like the feeling of the wind on my face' and they just double over wheezing they're so fucking annoying <3 their coworkers have a bigger storm coming than the snow one smh it turns out they're insanely good at solving cases together. but GOD are they obnoxious-

Dra: PDA is officially in

Clown: Everyone's walked in on them making out in the closet at least once

Dra: Imagine them praising each other in the already small cubicles after solving cases sjgjdj

Ves: i am a coworker kinnie now. if i have to hear about shuuichi's massive sexy throbbing wrinkly brain one more time i set off the fucking bombs they are communicating their affection TOO MUCH!!! GO BACK [after everyone starred it] so ur enjoyers of shuuichi's sexy brainmeat then????????

Hina: NO Shuichi Saihara is not sexy

Ves: -kokichi, in the denial phase

Dra: They call each other partner. Work and gay

Dra: They solve a really heavy case together and it impacts one of them and hurt comfort,, Points at Shu He can relive the first case tm methinks

Ves: he stumbles away from the scene and kokichi chases after to let him hide his eyes in his neck just huggin on the curb,, he doesn't want anybody to look at him :((

Dra: Can they be silly for a moment,, Kokichi tells him to close his eyes and just guides him until Shu feels better

Ves: he slaps his little babyhands over shuuichi's face "cmon, cmon, don't you trust me??"

Dra: Makes him walk into stuff for the funny/j

Apollo: Ngl, I love the 'guess we just grew up stuff' because you can angst it so fucking hard if you try hard enough

Like they always talked about ruling the world but they actually meant making a safe space for misfits like them. They wanted to change the world for the better and if at least one kid didn't have to go through what they did, it meant they'd won.

Shuichi knows this and to hear Kokichi say it was all just childish wishes? It hurts so much because Shu knows that he can help people. Hell, he's done it by becoming a detective.

Yet he gave up so easily… He's not the Kokichi he left behind that's for sure

Shuichi doesn't know how to react. Here's the guy who broke his heart (by accident mind you) who had an honestly noble dream and he just…Gave up. Kokichi Ouma gave up on something.

Now imagine this. DICE also broke up. They all decided it was time to grow up and felt they couldn't if they stayed in their silly little clown group

They have some contact with each other but have sorta drifted away like multiple friendship groups do Kokichi pretends it doesn't hurt him as much as it does

Shuichi doesn't know how to react. He can tell it hurts but he also knows Kokichi will deny it.

Theres also a tiny sick part of him that wonders if it's a good thing Kokichi is suffering at the breakup of his group because Kokichi broke his heart. Shuichi hates that part of him

LIKE A SMALL PART THINKS IT'S KARMA THEN HE WANTS TO PUNCH HIMSELF BECAUSE YEAH KOKICHI PLAYED WITH HIS FEELINGS OR WHATEVER BUT DICE WAS KOKICHI'S FAMILY AND NOW THEY'VE SPLIT UP AND KOKICHI IS THROWINFG HIMSELF INTO HIS WORK TO AN ALMOST UNHEALTHY DEGREE TO DISTRACT FROM THE LONELYNESS AND PAIN

Clown: AND PART OF HIM IS RIGHT. EVEN OUMA THINKS SO. HE KNOWS WELL ENOUGH THAT OUMA WAS ENTIRELY CAPABLE OF NOT BEING GOOD. Sometimes Ouma sucks and sometimes that has consequences. It doesn't mean he hasn't learned, but it also doesn't mean those effects went away. Ouma blames himself for a lot and somehow it hurts a bit to come to the understanding ouma's feelings aren't that far off from his own in that case They're better now tho

Apollo: They're better but it takes time Shuichi is glad that Kokichi had gotten better but those consequences are low-key permanent but at the same time, that's life Shu gives him a big hug though when he finally breaks down over it all

Clown: With ouma slowly growing distant to dice to the point where they rarely talk…I think it would partially be his own fault too.

They're family, they'll never not love each other. But they have their own lives, own goals, own families now. And so they'll never be as close as they were when the corralled behind ouma as their leader. Its a big change. And there's only so much they can do when their schedules conflict or Ouma doesn't respond to their texts.

They know Ouma, you don't spend a good chunk of your formative years together and don't learn something. And what they've learned is that ouma has to do it by himself.

He has to make the effort to reach out to them, he has to start extending his hand out to them again. They'll be waiting for when he does

Shuichi being the first push into getting him to do that and rebuild his family, its different now, but its just as good

Apollo: With Shuichi, there was no promise that he'd be coming back nor a promise he'd answer any messages but DICE? DICE was with him through thick and thin and know how his mind ticks.

They know that despite not talking to them for ages, he still cares about them.

He just doesn't want to bother them is all but thanks to reconnecting with Shuichi, he's able to reach out to them and become apart of their lives again

Ves: he's pushed himself out of his heartbroken NEET era and reconnected with shuuichi but DICE is harder DICE are divided on Shuuichi Opinions on the one hand it was super kokichi's fault they broke up. on the other SHUUICHI BROKE HIS HEART >:(

Apollo: Kokichi's right hand man eventually pulls Shu to the side to talk everything out and reminds him of how unused Kokichi is to being cared for by people other than DICE and that's why he never said 'I love you' back and just treated it like a joke. He wasn't used to be loved and still isn't in a way that's not family

Ves: "also he never got over you and if you leave him again i think he might actually die. good luck!" /J/J kokichi is so demi to me it's crazyyy he has no idea how tf to handle romantic love (or how to get over it!) it's not something that's supposed to Happen to him

Apollo: Poor Shuichi though. He got to move on and Kokichi never did

Ves: he mentions someone he dated in those intervening years and kokichi is so violently reminded of his miserable lonely NEET time that he makes up a guy

Apollo: He's just fumbling to describe this guy and Shuichi just nods along

Ves: HAHA YEAH WE BOTH HAD A LOT OF FUN HUH. LET ME TELL YOU ABOUT MY VERY REAL VERY SEXY EX JEFFERSON RYAN GRANT HE HAS. SKIN. AND HAIR

Apollo: "Oh and we totally did alllll the sex!" "Sure Ko."

Ves: hey so they were just in an unnamed roommates situationship before right did they even HAS KOKICHI OUMA EVER KNOWN THE TOUCH OF ANOTHER

Apollo: HE'S A NEET THE HELL DO YOU THINK? /J

Ves: HE WASN'T BEFORE HE ENTERED NEET ARC OUT OF HEARTBREAK THEY HAD A BREAKUP THAT MESSY AND DIDN'T EVEN FUCK!?

Apollo: DO YOU THINK KOKICHI 'CAN'T TELL PEOPLE MEAN IT WHEN THEY SAY THEY LOVE HIM' OUMA FUCKED SOMEONE?

Ves: this is so embarrassing for him was. was that drunk one night stand his FIRST TIME?????????

Apollo: OH GOD WAS IT? IMAGINE HIM TELLING SHU THAT YEAH WE WERE DRUNK AND YOU TOOK MY V CARD Shuichi just pauses because he knew Kokichi had becoem a NEET after he left but he somehow didn't expect this Shuichi said Let's get drunk and throw out that card /j

Me: no… I was under the full assumption that they did, and were dating, Kokichi just didn't believe Shuichi loves him & didn't say he loves him because of that, the pet name scene doesn't make sense otherwise, it was because he was thrown back to waking up together

Apollo: Me waking up every morning: How can I ruin the Pit's day today?

Me: today by trying to make Ouma a virgin, apparently, but I won't let you they fucked, I know this in my heart, it's okay of course they were fucking, they were roommates, fucking is a lot easier than talking about feelings bet they even had a situation (or multiple) when things escalated that way as to avoid talking about feelings, Kokichi kissing him so he doesn't have to reply to something

Ves: you can ABSOLUTELY have a petname for ur roommate but i see the vision actually. ouma using physical affection to avoid verbal,,,OUGH

Me: yeah, but it's about waking up together and slipping into the old act because he's done it many times it just felt so familiar to wake up this way that he said it without thinking!!!

Clown: Thinking about ouma calling one of the dices members for the first time in a long while and they don't yell at him, they aren't even disappointed. They just start immediately gushing about how wow! They have so much to talk about. And ouma has a moment where he finds they've grown so much without him realizing. He doesn't have to protect them anymore. And they're having lunch on a Saturday and a weight falls of his shoulders for the first time in a while

Apollo: Kokichi gives a wobbly smile and they ask what's wrong and he says he's so relieved they're doing so well and that he missed them. He gets teased for being a sap despite them tearing up as well One of his former classmates is also at the cafe and is just like Fuck they're back together Maki screaming internally because Kokichi knows where she works

Clown: What crimes will they commit? Maki Cafe worker real??? :0

Apollo: Kokichi makes the worst sugar riddled drinks. He just grins while requesting the worst thing ever

Clown: He can't even finish them half the time he's just doing it out of spite

#danganronpa #ndrv3 #kokichi ouma #shuichi saihara #saiouma #oumasai #kokichi oma #made by me #writing prompt #writing inspiration

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yesimwriting · 1 year

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Spiderverse huh 👀 how uh

How do you feel about spider-punk 👁️👁️

a/n ohhh he's so boyfriend idc, but i feel like in an accidental way?? like his official stance would be something like 'defined relationships mainly exist in order to further consumerism and marriage is just a way for the government to be more involved in daily lives, etc'

and he'd probably also say he doesn't like consistency so he doesn't believe in dating, but the second he has a crush on someone he's so done for,, like if anyone asks about the person he likes he'll be like wdym??? we're literally married? but to the actual person he'd do nice things but pretend it has nothing to do with them lmao

i feel like he'd be so supportive too, like you could do anything and he'd be like wow, amazing, show stopping, what a way to fight against the establishment!!

anyways here's a little blurb bc i love him (in this one, the reader works in the news world, nothing too specific, just that they have a camera and a reason to go out of their way to risk their safety to take pictures of an active villain attack/crime)

warnings: me writing a character for the first time (so potentially a little ooc), a person that knows nothing about british people writing a british character, mutually pining besties

----

The whole thing had been an abrupt burst of chaos, and what no one ever talks about when it comes to any type of sudden disaster is the aftermath. Adrenaline starts to dwindle and you're forced to take in and process what happened.

You force yourself to breathe slowly as you examine your surroundings. The building across the street from you has sustained some major damage, but everything else still seems stable. Everyone you can see looks like they're safe and in the distance you can hear sirens. First responders are already making their way to the scene. That's a good sign, yet you can't bring yourself to feel relieved.

Not until a familiar blur of motion catches the corner of your eye. You step back, furthering yourself from the edge of the rooftop to give him some space. Knowing that he's okay enough to be swinging like that eases that tension in your chest. A fact he can never know because of how you ended up on this rooftop. So instead of smiling and greeting him the way you normally would, you cross your arms and keep your expression steady.

"Everythin' alright up here?" He keeps his tone casual, a subtle reminder that your best friend isn't your best friend right now.

You tilt your head, giving him a pointed look. You want to be as mad as you were at first, but seeing that he's uninjured always makes you lose any edge. He doesn't look like he's been hit or injured and he's standing in a way that doesn't favor a particular side of his body more than the other. He is, however, making a point of keeping an arm behind his back. Because he doesn't seem to be in any notable pain, you decide that your questions should wait until later, when you're somewhere where you can be concerned openly.

"Everything was alright on the ground." You lift the camera that's hanging from the strap around your neck. "...When I was doing my job."

He takes a step towards you, angling his head downwards and lowering his voice like someone might hear you even though you're stories above the people attempting to get through the aftermath of the incident. "You got plenty of photos before...I checked."

The last part is tacked on almost sheepishly, like there's something embarrassing about the admission. It takes you a second to get why. You didn't see him before he swung onto the scene, all business and not in the mood to even hear your justification for staying close to the action. That means your abrupt kidnapping relocation wasn't as sudden and unreasonable to him. He didn't just pluck you from the ground and place you on a rooftop he deemed safe enough at the first sign of increasing trouble. He had trusted you to take care of yourself until things escalated.

You fight to not soften. "Still." Tilting your chin up in an attempt to appear stern, you speak slowly. "You could've asked."

He sighs, shaking his head. "You would've said no."

"Yeah, and I would've been entitled to," you mumble, arms finally relaxing. "But...thanks." The second he pulled you away, the wall to the building you were standing closest to crumbled. Maybe you should give Hobie some credit for that.

"Y'know there was a barricade, and the authorities were saying somethin' about no press."

Ah. You knew he'd bring it up eventually. "I um--didn't notice."

He takes a step forward. "Didn't notice?"

"No, I was...busy."

"Doin' what?" He angles his head to one side and you're struck with the feeling that he finds this a lot more entertaining than you want him to.

You sigh. "Sneaking in through the back alley."

He lets out a breath that's suspiciously close to a laugh. You can picture his smile. "Atta girl, ignoring the regulations of a bureaucratic system that wants to keep the truth from the people."

A part of you is pleasantly surprised that he didn't take the opportunity to poke fun at what could be interpreted as a bit of hypocrisy. From time to time you like to gently remind him that nothing bad will happen if he doesn't go out of his way to break a rule because sometimes it's risky, especially with a secret identity. His response is always something along the lines of where's the fun in that?

"So I should have stayed down there?"

He pauses, not liking the turn this conversation is taking. Of course you can handle yourself and a bit of justified rebellion would never cause you any harm, but he can't exactly Spider-Man to the best of his ability with you there. It makes his attention drift back to you, to make sure you're okay. Was stranding you on a roof top the best solution? Maybe not, but you're stubborn and he had to act quickly. Besides, you never take these news reporting spats too seriously.

The corner of your mouth turns up, happy that you're winning this one. "You're sending mixed messages."

"You know how I feel about consistency."

You're about to say something else, a half thought out joke that never gets to develop because a nerve-inducing shout steals the moment. Your head snaps forward and so does Hobie's. "You're gonna have to..."

"Yep." He's approaching the edge the roof, but before he can leap off and into action, he turns. "Oh--before I forget--"

Hobie extends the arm that was tucked behind his back. He's holding something shielded by slightly crumpled, waxy paper. After a second, you realize the mesh of colors peaking out from it are flowers. Some of the stems making up the outer part of the arrangement are slightly bend and a few of the longer pieces have lost their petals. That does nothing to take away from how delicate they look. Your eyes grow wide at the gesture.

you reach out for them almost dumbly, "You got me these?"

He lets you take the bouquet, your fingers brushing against the fabric of his suit. "I uh--yeah." You grin as he clears his throat. "Snagged 'em from that soulless, corporate shop that drove out the last of the good ones. Thought they earned a bit of trouble and these reminded me of you."

Aw. He makes it so hard to be mad at him over abandoning you on a random roof when he does things like this. You look down at the flowers, smoothing out the edges of the paper they're wrapped in.

"They're a little outta shape, I co--"

"No," you shake your head, pulling the flowers towards you defensively, like he was trying to snatch them away, "They're mine and I love them, back off."

He holds his hands up in defense, "Alright, love, no one's taking 'em."

Your smile grows even fonder. "Good."

Another concerning yell reaches the two of you. "Gotta go."

"Wait!" He turns his head, but keeps moving towards the edge. "How am I supposed to get down? You webbed the door shut."

"I did do that," he pauses, but another loud yell echoes around the two of you before he can do anything. "I'll come back!"

"Don't--!" It is so hard to not call out his name sometimes.

He jumps, swinging away, "I'll make it up to you!"

You roll your eyes, adjusting your hold on the flowers. "Yeah," you mumble, knowing there's no way he can still hear you, "You better."

It doesn’t matter anyways, he always does.

----

a/n this was really fun to write! so if you like this and want more spider punk or spiderverse from me, feel free to send an ask

#hobie brown x reaer #hobie brown x you #bobie x reader #spider punk x reader #spider punk x you #hobie brown drabble #spiderverse #spiderverse x reader

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dongfangxunfeng · 2 years

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Ok so sorry this is so long but it was literally insane. So this girl in my dorm has a rabbit right. It’s an illegal rabbit (not a registered ESA) her friends stage an intervention to be like girl you cannot be keeping a rabbit in your tiny dorm. She keeps the rabbit anyway

Midway through the semesters we start getting emails like once a week from our RA about a rabbit loose in the hallways asking whoever owns it to come collect their rabbit (very generous response from our RA considering that a. rabbits are not allowed as ESAs here b. everyone and their mom fucking knows who’s rabbit it is)

Suddenly this girl starts very publicly owning a kitten (practically neonatal) (definitely not old enough to be vaccinated). She lets the kitten loose in our communal bathroom, she brings it to the dining hall, she brings it to class, posts about it on social media (side note she’s decently tiktok famous so everyone sees her business)

Enough people start being concerned about the health of the kitten and also the fact that she’s keeping a rabbit and a tiny kitten in the same room that someone must have snitched. She gets word and starts attempting to get someone to take the rabbit*

*will come back to this later

I’m sitting at my job when I get an email from our housing authority informing me campus safety has found an abandoned domestic rabbit outside IN THE FREEZING RAIN in a cardboard box. WITH MY NAME ON IT. HUH???

Im so fucking freaked out i think I’m gonna lose my housing over someone else’s fucking illegal pet. I rush to explain its not mine, our RA Can point them to who actually owns it. They’re like chill, that backs up what we already know. I’m in the clear (never found out why she had a box with my name on it or why she used it)

Campus safety and housing goes to her room to ask her about the rabbit, my ex-roommate is in the hallway at the time and snoops. The girl dodges most of the questions about the rabbit. The questions quickly turn to the kitten, who is actively in her room SCREAMING. She claims she thought the kitten was an ESA.

Girl. Be real you’ve had the thing for like a week and it has no paperwork. Campus safety says due to her history with the rabbit they’re gonna have to take the kitten for its own safety. She throws a fit (side note she also had an illegal snake our first year that got loose at some point and was never found again so the kitten is actually her 3rd instance of irresponsible pet ownership not the second)

She goes on social media and tells her considerable following the college has taken her ESA because she is autistic and they are ableist and say her disability means she can’t take care of animals. She claims she’s “never been away from him for this long” (again. Girl you’ve had it for a week) she starts attempting to fundraise for legal fees to sue the college for discrimination. She does not mention the rabbit in her tiktoks

Fall break comes so she leaves campus and during break fucking posts a picture of her with A SECOND KITTEN asking people what she should name it. We immediately send this to the housing authority. I never learned what happened with the second kitten

*back to the trying to find a new owner for the rabbit. I later find out from a coworker that one of her friends had agreed to take the rabbit cuz she lives off campus on the condition that she couldn’t take it until after break bc she was going home and the rabbit wouldn’t have any supervision during that time. So if she had quietly held on to the rabbit for like a week longer, it would have been happily rehomed but NO she decides it’s easier to just dump a helpless starving animal in 40 degree thunderstorms.

Anyway I think she got told she has to leave campus permanently at the end of the semester and as far as I know she’s still scamming her followers for bs “legal fees” hope this entertained you

NO PLS DO NOT APOLOGIZE FOR BEING LONG LONG IS EXACTLY WHAT I WAS LOOKING FOR this is so wild. oh my god. like my residence last year had rumours of some person w a cat but i think that person did register it. but that is just so insane...not 1 not 2 but 3 animals wait no 4 the snake in rez. and then to FRAME U????? WTF is going on there. holy shit . AND legal fees. 😭. 😭😭😭 the Lengths ppl will go to

#thank u for this. ohmy god #asks #animal abuse cw

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incarnateirony · 5 months

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you know, for all the pain a certain someone has intentionally caused me with their group stalking and abuses, there's been a lot of weird indirect validation here too.

Like, when Corban was targeted, I wasn't really talking to Corb. John, yes, Corb, no. Corb wasn't active in John's server. Corb found out I was trans by proxy through this and was just "Yeah well. Min was already an honorary dude anyway." Surprise: 0.

Also the new kid in the server is transmasc but only early 20s and not real good with confidence and the like, and still carrying a lot of traits culture beats into AFAB people on apologetics and being quiet. Not that women should have to deal with that either but like, it's a thing. It codes to people.

So anyway, at one point they made some comment about being transmasc and I went MOOD and apparently he thought that was negative or being treated different bc he had NO IDEA I was trans, so he went complaining to another server about mean cis guy treating him Different somehow and one of the players saw it and was like dude do I have news for you.

Even outside of gender it's been fun, when it wasn't infuriating.

John got a job as a beta tester for a ring of game developers out of this. I got a cleared blog I can be myself on instead of being demanded to perform for people. And I think my stalker has learned a lesson they can not unlearn or wish away. They didn't learn it enough, or they'd be reigning their friends in RIGHT FUCKIN NOW, but some people enjoy being victims and hurting themselves, and that person is one of them.

It's a psychological reflex thing, usually present in children and not adults. In fear of losing something they damage or destroy the thing to have a sense of control in their life of when they lose it. Someone realized they lost what they wanted and is now psychologically addicted to driving their friends after me endlessly.

Minors tend to lack agency in their lives and are subject to adults, so it's one of the few ways for them to have authority. When adults are predisposed to it, it's less that someone is controlling their life and more that someone used to, and they don't know how to control it themselves, and they never grew out of that.

If she hadn't wanted me, she wouldn't have been mimicking being me, it truly is that simple. If the god was there, she wouldn't have stolen and misrepresented old jokes or copied design ideas, she wouldn't have needed to. She wouldn't have walked into the acme trap, she just wouldn't have. She wouldn't be up my ass all these years later while I tried to ignore her and them. And the person has enough braincells to understand what has happened, even if they don't WANT to.

Don't get me wrong, if I fucked my life up that bad, yeah. Like dead ass if chasing him away was something I could actually do, rather than him being chased into silence by others until my muse leaves me and my spirit is dead, which happened to me for some years until I left a horrible situation i was being used up in, like. I'd probably legit kill myself. Dead ass. And lbr mine's way more fun than her butt clenched inner self so like. I don't blame someone for wanting it but there's a certain point you should ask when you're performing and mimicking, and spiritual journal plagiarism is that line.

But when enabled by vile people with personal vindictive interests and investments for themselves, they'll just encourage the destructive behavior. They will literally make that person destroy themselves, and have been, for a few years, and it's leaving that person with like. The realization that their life is a lie, their friends are fake, their relationship is fake--or just flat denial, and that's where the denial and beep beep back the fuck up truck kicks in. And then cycles back to a bunch of screeching harpies crawling my mentions.

I'm not sure why that particular cult feels entitled to argue about or like strip me of my identity, it's outright psychotic behavior. Like no, ur not Aaron Eema the coyote, Hermes is. What the fuck.

I mean, sure, on a deep spiritual level about transmigration and metempsychosis? But that's not what they're doing. They got their game and play discs reversed and are all fucked the fuck up and trying to like, deny a real person is a real person so they can keep up beliefs and roleplays without acknowledging how fucking weird it is. It is, in fact, the definition of delusion. And it's turned into psychotic bulk harassment and stalking for literal YEARS, and they STILL can't grok how weird they're being.

Back when I was a regular in SPN fandom, someone made a room, "proof Aaron is a demigod". I chuckled and ignored it, they collected things i did and said and went LOOK AT IT. LOOK AT IT. I didn't really say much because I didn't want to enable it too far under the cult allegations, but like. Son you were close. The thing is we're all demigods basically, as per my opener with this. Man is god and whatnot, io pan io pan I am a man but I am also in fact a reincarnate hermes and pan, what about it? A bunch of you are I just have my shit together.

I've always been Aaron, and always been Coyote, and NEVER was understood by my former spouse that tried to steal my work without grokking. only the superficial romance feelgood elements were worthy to them, everything else was fodder. If it didn't feature them and their attention, if it did not ENTERTAIN them, it was useless. Hermetic axioms, who needs them, but this 2010 One Republic romance playlist, now that's some fuckin magic, or whatever.

It's just. SIGH. Grown woman literally behaving like child with trauma over her own decision that caused her own loss, more at 11.

"I'll never understand how you do what you do." "You have this magical superpower to glance at a group of people and have them organize into a group for a cause." These are truly elements of the soul, and identity, and self, that can not be mimicked, and it's because I'm here, with him, and always have been. People with other legacies trying to mimic mine will always fail, just like I'd fail trying to mimic theirs. I'm not sure why people are acting like this is complicated.

If I tried mounted horseback combat I'd get wasted. I own that. I'm not sure why people think they can lick my air jordans and pick up being a messenger of the collective unconscious while simultaneously trying to Nuh Uh that said unconscious exists, or they're connected to it, or that anyone could influence it.

Maybe that's part of what was getting fucked up. The group loves surrendering to shadows and exterior forces. To them, "gods" are a thing that are beyond them, and they can Do The Things, and we can't, and we just have to suck a lemon or something. But that's. Not that. Like if you play at being a witch you in theory know you can influence it yourself too.. But what's frying them, I think, is the idea, no, you don't get to disassociate your choices, identity and divinity is still from within, you come from long lineages of souls and memories. This is mine.

Because every time some shit happened like Three People Give A Topical Name To Events, it just whistled past them that it could be related. Or Kid At A Convention Names It. Like, the Collective part of Unconscious or Radial Manifestation Bomb of it just. 404 error could not grok. Kept braindeadedly pinning in "someone else named it" when they already saw up front how topical it was, but wanted to separate from it, but again was not grokking the Manipulation Of The Collective Unconscious part. But. But how could a HUMAN be responsible for that?

Because we're god(s). Duh.

No seriously stop trying to make it complicated just so you can choose not to understand it.

Or is it more the rage that someone you hate so much that you love them and are addicted to them achieved that, and you didn't, and are still eating my scraps off the floor.

Which is it kiddos.

These questions are, as ever, rhetorical. I do not actually want anything to do with these people, more me looking within for the answer and leaving the question on my blog to discover the answer later, as it goes. Like, this is a personal blog, I don't know why they keep coming here of their own free will to read things. I have been gone from Supernatural fandom for a while kids, there is literally just the Ghost of Aaron lurking in a server maintained for others. What are you even doing anymore. Like. What. Why. I know Crowley says stop looking for Reason, but god damn, what.

Come to the spot I basically think out loud into the internet so I can remember it and then complain about my autistic magical mess. Man, I cache dump between persona shifts sometimes man, I do it all day for work at work man, if I don't write down what I'm thinking it goes into the void and turns up somewhere else, it's truly that simple, lemme be. It's not my fault other people literally can't understand my internal life while they try to roleplay to replicate it. Which is quite ironic even in its own way on what even that has Become.

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junkyarddook · 2 years

Note

How has this news not ruined your enjoyment with CEC? (/gq)

Animatronics are a big SI for me and I regularly go to CEC, but after hearing this it makes me feel sick. It's completely ruined my enjoyment immediately and I've taken all the CEC stuff off my blog because I can't even bear to look at it.

This is just personal experience, if you don't want to I understand I just want to know how you can manage it because I really hate losing this part of me I've held since childhood...

tbh, working at chuck e, being severely mistreated by them, nd learning how horrible of a corporation they are rly has made me build up a lot of resentment toward them. but tht just makes me wanna speak up, cuz they r not gonna stop till they go bankrupt.

after i quit i had to take a long break. i quit with 0 notice bc they literally broke me. quitting with no notice is something i have never done before, i dont like 2 do that. i had to take 2 weeks off from work after tht because they put me in such a bad mental state

after they mistreated me, i also could barely look at cec stuff because it made me so upset remembering what they did 2 me.,.. and tht something that made me so insanely happy, was ruined by horrible management, ableism and corporate greed. i went from absolutely loving my job and having it b the best part of my day, to throwing up due 2 anxiety before/ during every shift cuz i waz so scared of my manager screaming in my face orr threatening my promotion again, (which i never got btw!! they held a promotion over me for months, had me doing all the responsibilities for it but refused to give me the pay raise they promised me for it.) as well as having multiple anxiety attacks/ having to step outside bc i was bawling cuz of the way they treated us. every. single. shift. the worst part about it was they just took advantage of us, the ones who actually cared about working there. they went easier on us if we didnt like the job, but if they see u will put in the effort, time, commitment, and they wwill use that passion u have to run u into the ground. thatz so wrong to me.

at the samee time, this iz smthn I was already kind of prepared for, i am aware of, having a large corporation as my special interest. all corporations are evil, they just try 2 hide it. this was sadly going on the whole time. small stuff, or big. the way they advertise things is purposely confusing to try and get more money out of u. stuff like tht is super fucked up 2 me. for example at my location they charge a $2 fee to activate playpasses, which i was encouraged to hide from the customer. i was literally only allowed to tell them if they asked why they are being charged $2 extra. chuck e has been supporting autism speaks for 2 years now. they just deleted our comments last year becausee they dont fucking care about us. all they care about is money.

what makez me happy about chuck e cheese is not going there, or supporting them,, for me itz the characters, music, videos, merch, animatronics and art. all of these things u can access without supprting CEC entertainment..,. theres so many ways to still engage in this interest without supporting chuck e cheese as a corporation. draw art of the characters. watch content through other YT channels, not the official cec one. theres so much fan-created content at this point, that we dont need corporate. the new stuff theyre putting out is mostly garbage in my opinion anyways. im not gonna miss seeing them use the same 2 renders of rockstar chuck over and over lol. i luvv rockstar, but evrrything coming out now just has this vibe of "we slapped this together to trick u and get ur money". theres no effort put into anything. its just whatever is quickest, cheapest and will make them the most money. barbara the barnyard barber? just a song they bought the rights 2 and slapped cec adlibs on top of.

i love chuck e cheese so much that i can never give it up, its my special interest, its one of the only things tht brings me true happiness. u dont have to give it up either. u can still love chuck e and not support the company. i even still go sometimes to film the bots, i just dont buy any games, merch or food. u can go to a chuck e cheese completely 4 free, which is definitely a huge "fuck u" to corporate imo, since all they want is ur money.

tl;dr : u can still lovr chuck e cheese without giving them money/ supporting them. imo its not morally wrong if u r speaking up about the bad they r doing, or at the least, not ignoring it and not pretending they did nothing wrong. u just gotta find alternative ways to engage with the content.

#asks #very long post #chuck e cheese #cec #chuck e. cheese #animatronics #chuck e. cheese’s #kidcore

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espressogal · 2 years

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spent so much money on skin care and makeup and im going so crazy over not being as active last year but idk if im burnt out but im just not losing weight the way i used to and idc as much but i do but also im in my last two weeks of undergrad what the fuckity fuck and i wanna do well and im resigniing from all my jobs and i need to find a job but no ones getting back to me and its so exhausting and im so tired and so done and its so hard to make friends but i dont even want that many friends but i feeel like i neeed friends bc im 22 and time is running out i mean i know its not but it feels like it bc i guess im comparing myself to everyone and i dont have it figured out idek who i am how am i supposed to know what to do with life if feel the weight of the entire world on me my 20s was supposed to be fun and figuring myself out but why does it feel like hell why does just enjoying my time feel like torture maybe its bc im so focused on the idea of enjoying my time im not realizing that the times im supposed to enjoy my time im worrying about enjoying my time so im wasting my enjoyed time on stressing and its making me feel like im wastiig my time and why do i feel like this im only 22 but also how am i 22 i was only 18 yesterday and 16 the day before when did this all happen why am i closer to 30 than 13 why are my friends talking about getting engaged why is everyone moving out why cant i move out without the gut wrenching feeling of leaving my family behind i was supposed to get close to them by now but im now i have independence but i dont i wanna leave this city but ill leave a part of me behind like an unfinished chapter that i forcefully ended i need to finish this chapter and make amends with the past and unlearn my trauma responses and forgive myself but how am i supposed to do all that and also become the girl of my dreams and who even is the girl of my dreams she changes after meeting every new person that enters her life or when shes infatuated by a new character or influencer who makes their life seem like a fairytale but anyway theyre all bullshit anyway social media is fucking fake everyone wants to seem perfect and put together and happy and for what?? whatver man whatever makes you cope i mean if i looked perfect and was rich i guess id do it too and it would be nice to get paid for being fake perfect but who wants to be fake perfect anyway i cant imagine living my life and making money based on how other people perceive me i cant imagine what that would do to ones self esteem oh wait i already do that except i dont get paid huh funny isnt it anyway i have a headache and im so so so sleepy these days like my system is running on cbd maybe i shouldnt have bought a pack of 50 edibles but my antidepressants arent doing jack shit but making me feel horrible so its weed or its anxiety man i wish therapy was free where am i gunna go whwen i graduate i need a psychiatrist but theyre held up until next year i need it so just stop man oh wait i just got an email my sephora order is shipped im happy now

#diary entry #jthoughts

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firelxdykatara · 3 years

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You’re doing a LoK rewrite, correct? Would be really interested in hearing how you plan on fixing Suyin’s character and the Lin-Suyin conflict because……. oh boy. Man there’s a lot to unpack there. This is what happens when we don’t let Toph just raise her fucking kids for the sake of pushing a stupid as hell narrative about working women and single motherhood.

I am indeed!

In... you know, the way I'm doing most of my big potential projects, in that I have a folder with some documents that have plot notes and... some day I may actually get full, finished fics out of them (h2o AU is in there, as is my voltron!atla fusion AU, and uhhhh my book 3 atla rewrite, and a few other things), so... but I will say that the docs I have for my LoK rewrite so far amount to roughly 4.2k words of just Plot and Character Notes, which may some day turn into words of Story, hopefully.

ANYWAY, POINT IS: yes, this exists, and I have Many Many Thoughts.

Including how the Gaang kids would shake out! Cause I know I'm doing Zutara, and maybe Tokka???? Although I don't wanna just leave Suki out either... maybe a throuple??? Or Sukka having an amicable breakup before Sokka and Toph get together--maybe she already has Lin by then, and Sokka helps support her through the grief of losing Kanto???? Idk honestly, I haven't actually figured any of that out definitively yet except that Aang was perfectly happy to settle down with an Air Acolyte from one of the rebuilt temples because he grew up and out of his crush on Katara pretty easily once he hit puberty and matured a bit.

UHHH none of which is actually an answer to your question, because it's a valid one! Which is why I've been sitting on this a while (10 days I'm so sorry) bc I haven't made any solid decisions but I've been letting it percolate around my head a bit. And the more I think about it, the more I really like the Sukka -> Tokka idea (and I don't want to kill off Suki since the kids all deserve their awesome Kyoshi warrior auntie in their lives, and also I want a Sukka kid to be besties with Iara [zuko and katara's youngest] so maybe she gets with someone else after she and Sokka split? I could be talked into Ty Lee/Suki actually, the more I think about it....), but obviously having a stable father figure and a Toph who is... not what LoK made her out to be will dramatically change the Beifong family dynamic.

That said, I think I actually have a solution. (I'm so sorry for what I'm about to do.) Toph has Lin with Kanto--and he passes away when Lin is two or three, which is why she has very few memories of her father. (Although none of this 'she doesn't even know his name until she's 50+ cause Toph didn't tell her daughters about their fathers' bullshit.) Sokka is there for her through it all (all of the gaang is, of course, but you know that it sometimes just hits different when it's someone you're also starting to fall in love with, especially when there are older and much more deeply buried feelings there that are now resurfacing, because at least in my version Toph was deeply in love with Sokka when they were teenagers, but he was in love with Suki and she also loved Suki so she didn't want to mess up anything about their family or the group dynamics by making her feelings anyone else's problem), they fall in love, get married and have Suyin.

(Sokka may jokingly refer to it as a shotgun wedding, but the truth is he wanted to propose well before he found out she was pregnant, his attempts just kept getting messed up in increasingly comedic fashion.)

Throughout all of this, Republic City has been established, Sokka is Chancellor, Toph is something of a defacto police chief--mostly because, at the time, no one else was willing to volunteer, and she jokingly offered to whip the law enforcement, but unfortunately everyone else at the meeting took her seriously. However, she is also the founder of the probending league, and basically her feelings about law enforcement are complicated and she actively discouraged her kids from joining the force which is part of why Lin did. How else do you have a teen rebel phase with a parent like Toph? (Which, in this instance, means tough and firm but fair, with a 'you break it, it's up to you to fix it' attitude and very little desire to actually control her daughters and their behavior.)

Ah, but here's the rub.

Suyin is ten years old when Sokka dies, and Lin is sixteen. I'm not sure how he's killed--maybe by Yakone, to tie it into my plans for Amon and book 1. (Note that I'm not sure when the Yakone bloodbending trial happened in canon, but it doesn't matter. The timeline I'm gonna build will be completely different post-comet, and I'll eventually write it all down so that I can keep things straight.) Which would incidentally provide excellent means of having Katara have a very personal stake in the Amon conflict, and perhaps color the fight between him and Iara, but I'm getting off track. And I think Sokka being killed by Yakone, and Toph being unable to protect or save him, or deliver her own brand of justice to avenge him (because Aang is there to stop her and.... shit probably got ugly, I suspect she didn't talk to Aang for at least twenty years after Sokka's death--and this isn't to say I think Toph is particularly violent or murderous, but in that moment, she absolutely wanted to kill the man with her bare hands, and however much she may have regretted it afterwards, she took a very long time to forgive Aang for stopping her in the first place), is what results in Toph stepping down as police chief.

She didn't withdraw from her daughters or fuck off into the swamp or anything (words cannot express how much I hate that part of her canon history), but she did grieve for a very long time. Lin, meanwhile, felt like it was up to her to keep her family together, while also feeling a desperate need to... prove herself, I think. And because her mother was so adamant that she not join the police force, that's exactly what she does. I think Lin completely misread Toph's intentions, too, and believed that the discouragement was because her mother didn't think she had what it takes, when in reality I think Toph was scared of Lin losing herself in the job like she herself had begun to, and eventually coming up on something she couldn't change or fix and making the same mistakes she had.

(I think Toph and Lin have communication issues largely because they are both headstrong and willful, but where Toph thought she was giving her daughters the room they would need to make their own way, what Lin desperately craved was direction and she felt like that was something her mother simply couldn't understand.)

Suyin, on the other hand, fell in with a bad crowd like in canon. I think that what she desperately needed was attention, similar to Lin craving direction, and Toph was trying so hard not to be her own parents that she went a little too far in the other direction and Suyin began to feel like it didn't matter what she did, her mom wouldn't care, or get angry, or discipline her, or anything. Lin and Suyin butted heads a lot growing up, too, especially after Sokka's death, because Lin tried to rein in her sister's behavior and this was met with resistance and derision because Suyin felt like Lin was trying to be both mom and dad and she was neither but her big sister would never admit to being just as lost as she was and it made her furious.

So when Suyin is sixteen, and Lin is twenty-two and new to the force, The Big Rift happens. Lin catches Suyin and her gang, tries to apprehend her, gets a scar on her face in the ensuing conflict. But instead of abusing her power and sending her problem child off to her mother before fucking off to the swamp to avoid the consequences of her actions, Toph tries to actually fix things. Suyin cools her heels in prison for a while, because she was paralyzed by guilt at the time when she hurt her sister (a few inches lower and she could have slit her throat), and was still there when Lin's backup arrived.

Uhhhhhhhhhhh..... I'm so sorry I rambled for so long, BUT THE UPSHOT IS: I think Suyin learned a bit about culpability and taking responsibility for her own actions, Toph realized that her daughters had different needs than she did at their age (and I think a lot of the problem was that grief clouded her own ability to connect with her daughters, and in trying to not be her own parents she lost sight of how to be the parent her own daughters needed), and Lin, I think, had to realize that she had never fully processed the loss of not one but two fathers and had turned to her job in order to avoid actually confronting the grief that had overshadowed her childhood.

However, she did not forgive Suyin, at least not right away--and she wasn't forced or expected to. Suyin understood that she crossed a serious line, she took her lumps and did her time, and no one shamed Lin for her anger. I think, as a result, she had less reason to hold onto that bitterness, and perhaps by the time the story actually begins, she and Suyin are on much better terms, though I haven't worked it out exactly yet.

UHHH yeah I went on for days lmao. All of this is subject to change, too, depending on the needs of the story whenever I get around to actually writing it all down, BUT these are my initial thoughts, at least.

#atla #lin beifong #toph beifong #suyin beifong #tokka #lok rewrite #lok rewrite notes #precious-metal-girl #asked

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luvteez · 4 years

Text

bassists do it deeper

pairing: yunho x genderneutral!reader genre + tags: smut, band au | kink discovery, exhibitionism, a brief segment of semi-public sex, hand kink, size kink, yunho monster cock bc this deserves a tag, power play, switch dynamics (i think??), dom!yunho pulls through in the end, unprotected sex wc: 6.3k

note: big thanks to my fav babie @lustjoong for motivating me to combine the two ideas i had for the prompt into one and motivating me to finish this!! here’s my take on the unspoken obligatory yunho size kink fic every ateez smut writer should have written once but make him a bassist. also, the band au to this pwp is literally just there as an excuse to make yeosang the lead singer of the band bc if kq won’t give yeosang lines, i will

A lot can happen throughout a single weekend, as your English professor suddenly quitting her job, your brother Yeosang almost burning down the kitchen from deep frying an egg, an influx of voicemails in your inbox all sent from Wooyoung, as well as Yeosang’s punk rock band losing a member. It’s a lot to process when all you’ve done is stay the night at Yuqi’s, even harder so when Wooyoung keeps repeating every five seconds that Seonghwa quit the band. (”Why did it have to be Seonghwa who left Stereowave? He was the hottest one!”)

That being said, you expected to come home to a beyond grumpy Yeosang who was trying to find a replacement asap. A band without a bassist sounds empty, and while Stereowave has garnered a big enough fanbase over the years that wouldn’t mind the band continuing as a trio, it just feels wrong. Besides, branding a group consisting of Yeosang the frontman, San the guitarist, Mingi the drummer, and nobody covering the bassist position a band doesn’t sit right.

You were prepared for the worst; a messy kitchen, Yeosang walking around in clothes he wore for five days straight, possibly the outbreak of World War III depending on how shitty he’s feeling. But instead, you find the kitchen exceptionally clean and Yeosang acting as if nothing ever happened.

“Can you help set up the camera? The guys and I wanna film a new song.”

“Uh, sure,” you answer irritatedly. “Shouldn’t you be more concerned about finding a replacement for Seonghwa though?”

“Oh, we already have a new bassist,” he waves off casually, “What are you gaping at? Shut that jaw of yours before flies fly into your nasty mouth.”

“First of all, rude.” Yeosang rolls his eyes at that comment. For a split second, you’re contemplating letting him figure out on his own how to use the camera because he’s the walking embodiment of a technology illiterate, but your curiosity about the new band member is bigger. “But how did you manage to find a new replacement so fast? It’s been like, what, a day since Seonghwa left?”

Yeosang sighs. “He’s been thinking of quitting for weeks now, so I had enough time to look for a new bassist. It’s not that big of a deal anyway.”

And this is exactly why you should never get dicked down by your bandmate several times in a month, you think to yourself. Seonghwa and Yeosang thought they were slick, but everyone figured they were more than friends. Needless to say, it was only a matter of time until the strain of their relationship wreaked havoc within the band.

“So,” you say as you two walk to the makeshift studio in the basement, “Is the new guy good? What’s his name?”

The change of topic makes Yeosang relax visibly. There’s a sheepish smile on his face and he replies, “You’ll see.”

You arch a brow. For some reason, that doesn’t settle comfortably in your gut. Then there’s the fact that Yeosang is slightly skipping, and that makes you more concerned than relieved. Because Yeosang barely skips, only when he’s being petty and is planning on pranking somebody. (Most of the time, it’s San.)

The faint vibrations of drums and guitars ring in your ears before you step a foot into the basement. Mingi is the first to acknowledge your presence, immediately dampening the cymbals before waving at you. That causes the other two guys to stop playing their instruments and turn their heads around. You greet San like you normally do, and when your eyes flit to the new addition, all brightness drops from your face.

“What. The. Fuck.”

Yunho cocks his head to the side almost tauntingly, eyes challenging. The corners of his mouth quirk upwards, though more with the intention of saying hah you thought you’d never see me again. “Hello to you too, honey. Looks like fate brought us together once more, eh?”

You blink multiple times to make sure your eyes aren’t deceiving you. To your dismay, they sure aren’t. It really is Yunho standing right next to an utterly confused San, and the bass in his hands just confirms it furthermore.

“Since when do you play an instrument?” you gawk. There’s no fucking way he could’ve had time to pick up music, not when his schedule was already jammed with basketball training and student council activities. Then again, that was his schedule in middle school.

“Since I was fifteen,” he drawls, unaffected by your outburst. “Any other questions, honey? Preferably something along the lines of how have you been? I expected a warmer welcome from you, not gonna lie.”

“What does Yeosang even see in you?” you splutter instead, disgust prevalent in your voice.

“Talent. Believe it or not.”

“Guys, no fighting,” Yeosang warns, but you’re too busy sending Yunho daggers and every pg rated curse under the sun your brain can wrack up.

Meanwhile, San shifts his weight on one leg awkwardly and asks in the background as your verbal dispute continues, “Are they exes or something?”

“Nah, just childhood enemies,” Mingi mumbles, clearly used to your interactions to the point where he’s becoming bored of it. He’s heard all the profanities too many times coming out from the same mouth, hence why he isn’t as disturbed as San is.

“Listen up, you piec—“

“(y/n), the camera. Help your older brother out, will ya?” Yeosang cuts you off urgently, the warning tone in his words hard to miss.

“Yeah, help your brother out, shorty,” Yunho snickers. Appalled by his blatant shamelessness, you scowl.

“I’m not that short—!”

“Still shorter than I am, shorty. Or do you prefer honey?”

World War III would’ve broken out right then and there if it weren’t for Yeosang’s death glare — you know, the look he has etched on his face whenever he means business and is willing to go so far and expose all of the nasty mishaps you’ve done in middle school, which is definitely something that should never see the light of day.

“I prefer neither,” you mutter after weighing the gravity of Yeosang’s wrath, avoiding any eyes before you set up the camera. Luckily, nobody further comments on that and eventually, everybody resumes practicing their parts of the songs.

Just in time as Mingi takes another short break to chug his water down, you stumble across a problem. “Uh, Yeosang? You should buy a new camera. This is still usable, but you might have to reset every ten minutes or so.”

A groan leaves him, followed by a shrill guitar riff, and you can see that he’d prefer death over spending money for a new one. “Can’t you just stay here during practice and reset it? You also get to hear some new tracks of the upcoming EP!” That fucker, he’s just too lazy to run forward and press a button every few minutes.

“I have to be on standby for the Block B ticket sale,” you lie. Technically, it’s not really a lie because you do plan on going to the Block B concert with Wooyoung, but 1) the ticket sale isn’t even today and 2) it’s always Wooyoung who buys the tickets. Yeosang doesn’t need to know that though. Any excuse is better than having to sit through practice and see if Yunho is as good as he claims.

Seems like Yeosang desperately doesn’t want to keep running back and forth to reset the camera as he suddenly says, “You can do it here too.” You would argue that the garage has its separate WiFi and only the band members have access to it, but then: “You can use my laptop instead.”

And letting you use his laptop is something he never does. You failed to submit an assignment in time because your own laptop broke down and he didn’t let you borrow his computer for even that.

“Fine,” you sigh in defeat. Yeosang thanks you with a smile so obnoxiously sweet it makes you gag. When all he gets in return from you is the middle finger, his demeanor drops and he mutters something inaudible under his breath, pointing to the small table at the side where all their phones and laptops are lying before he goes back to the others.

Once all four of them are in position and ready to play, you press the record button before flipping yourself onto the old patchwork couch Yeosang bought at a garage sale for only thirty quid a few years back. To your surprise, Yeosang’s MacBook is already unlocked, the default wallpaper of mountains and northern lights quite jarring to your eyes.

When given the rare chance to have unlimited access to your sibling’s devices, it’s self-explanatory what to do. You either a) go through all of their accounts and find as much dirt as possible about them that serves as good material for future blackmail purposes or b) sign them up to as many online subscriptions as possible that will make them go crazy. Unfortunately, that doesn’t work on Yeosang because 1) he doesn’t mind online subscriptions, and 2) he never checks his email account, hence why his inbox is filled with over 2000 mails, a third of them most likely unopened. On top of that, his MacBook is strictly meant for work, so if you really wanted to find out his most embarrassing secrets, your only shot is his phone.

That being said, you’re left with option c) which is checking out Block B’s concert merch since that’s the only sensible thing you can do right now. Forget productivity; that isn’t doable when Yeosang’s deep timbre is blaring in your ears along with the instruments. To be honest, you really enjoy Stereowave’s music and that’s on their music, not because your brother is the lead singer. You’ve enjoyed each of their performances and perhaps you’ve been indulging in the privilege of hearing their new songs first.

But now that Yunho’s involved, suddenly the prospect of having a new favorite band sounds tempting. What was Yuqi’s favorite band again? Day6? You should take a closer look at their discography.

As much as you want to mute the sound, from San’s riffs to Mingi’s drum solo, you fail to do so. One moment you’re opening the search browser, and in the next, your eyes are set on the group. They’re practicing like they usually do; fun etched on their faces as they lose themselves in the music. Yeosang is singing as if he was performing in front of a million viewers while San improvises a solo on a whim. Mingi messes up the beat for a split second after failing to catch his stick and somehow, your eyes have zoomed in on Yunho. It doesn’t take you five seconds to realize:

Yunho is good.

While he might not seem as fired up as the other three, he’s visibly relaxed. Just like Seonghwa, he plays smoothly and isn’t overpowered by the others, but he seems to have an easier time gliding his fingers across the fingerboard. The bassline is easy to filter out, not the generic pattern you can find in every second pop song, yet still compliments the other instruments.

He can play, fair game. However, that’s the least of your worries. You’re more attentive to the ratio of his hands to the bass. His hands are larger than Seonghwa’s by far, no doubt. That makes sense given his height, maybe an inch taller than Mingi. But Mingi doesn’t have that big hands. Doesn’t that mean that Yunho’s body is disproportional?

Before you know it, you drag your gaze from his shoes up to his legs and stop at his hands briefly, only to proceed upwards until you see the cocky smirk and amused eyes directed at you. All clogs in your brain come to a stillstand and despite that, that’s when you realize you’ve been 1) enjoying his music, 2) checking him out, and 3) checking him out and caught red-handed.

It feels as if you were living on the sun instead of on Earth as you burn up in embarrassment. Knowing there’s no way you can deflect what you just did, you quickly turn back to the laptop, the Google search bar staring back at you.

You’re about to type in something when the search history pops up, catching your eyes. A gasp leaves you but it goes under the music, everyone too immersed in their own thing to notice the prevalent horror settling on your face.

exhibitionism

getting off in public

best crowded places to have sex and get away with it

You blink, thinking that your sleep deprivation got the worst out of you and that you’ve finally reached the stage where you start hallucinating. Except, you know you’re not hallucinating. After going through the words again and again, you know that you’re really not fucking hallucinating and that your nonexistent sleep cycle isn’t as bad as Yuqi makes it out to be.

When you said you wanted to dig up dirt on your brother, you didn’t mean it in the form of his kinks. Money can’t buy everything, but how you wish it could so you could unsee that shocking discovery.

Since this is Yeosang’s work computer and he’s signed into his Google account, he must make use of the drive to save a copy of his ideas. It probably won’t amount to anything since he’s the walking embodiment of staying unbothered, but writing him a note on his docs about how he’s made your life worse by not clearing his search history is better than staying silent.

You click on the little icon on the top right corner, expecting to see Yeosang’s name right above the email address. But then you see Yunho’s name instead, and suddenly everything makes much more sense.

This was never Yeosang’s laptop to begin with.

To say you’re at a loss of words is an understatement. There’s no way someone could have as little self-awareness and leave their laptop unlocked, let alone Yunho out of all people. Then again, the last thing you expected from him was to play the bass and blend well with the rest of the band as if he’s always been the bassist of Stereowave and not the newly found replacement.

This is absolutely bonkers. But:

You could have fun with it. Maybe it’s for the better that money can’t buy everything.

Besides dozens of articles about semi-public sex and even a blogpost titled Shagging in Broad Daylight for Dummies, his search history of the last 24 hours consists of many forum links discussing the morality of exhibitionism, conspiracy theories, and hand care guides. You wheeze when you see the private playlist he saved on his YouTube account; a collection of videos about filing your nails properly and the best hand cream brands for dry skin.

Yeosang calls in for a break, and everyone’s grateful for it. San lets out a relieved noise as he places his guitar on the stand before catching the water bottle Mingi chucks at him.

“My arms are beat,” Mingi complains.

San sends him an incredulous look and snorts, “All you do is bang! crash! ppang! while my throat is fucked! And so are my legs!”

“Not my fault if you keep doing your high pitched oows! while jumping around like a— like a cricket!”

“A cricket? Are you serious?”

“I’m tired, okay!”

“Then that means we should call it a day and go home and rest, right?”

“Choi San, I think you’re onto something.”

“Absolutely not,” Yeosang deadpans, causing the bickering duo to pout in sync. “We have lots to do especially since Yunho’s now part of the band.” When all he’s met with is an attempt of cute puppy eyes that rather looks like a bad rendition of any horror movie featuring creepy dolls, Yeosang sighs, “I ordered chicken for dinner and yes, it’s on me.”

In an instant, Mingi and San’s faces brighten up and they’re celebrating as if they won a free cruise to the Bahamas. They don’t hesitate to envelop Yeosang in a bear hug, crushing the life out of him. A chuckle escapes you at the sight of your brother wringing for his sanity. Sometimes you wonder how on Earth those three guys are the same three guys who perform in abandoned warehouses, jamming out their punk rock songs while looking all edgy (in a cool way that has at least half of their fans thirsting after them).

Meanwhile, Yunho drops himself on the other end of the couch. Propping his right leg on the coffee table in front, he digs around in his pockets before pulling something out.

“Since when do you file your nails?” You pointedly raise a brow at him. Although your extensive research on his browser history already answered that question, you ask him just for the sake of it.

“Hand care is important, shorty,” Yunho replies, keeping his eyes trained on his fingers as he works the file around a nail. “If Kageyama Tobio files his nails, I can too. But enough with the small talk, what do you want?”

“I didn’t peg you as an exhibitionist.”

His hand stops moving. Yunho looks up at you, irritation written all over his features. “Because I file my nails...? A bold assumption, honey.”

There’s a reason why Yunho has always gotten away with pretty much everything. He’s a good actor who’s able to feign innocence at any time. His posture is relaxed, voice genuinely sounding flabbergasted that not even your shit-eating grin can throw him off guard.

You can’t, but your proof will do the job.

“I never said it’s because of your hand fixation.” You turn the laptop screen his way and once his eyes flicker on it and decipher the words, his face falls. Gone is the faux-confusion; as all color drains from him, his eyes look like they’re about to fall out of their sockets. “Is it really a bold assumption now, honey?”

Yunho inhales sharply when you scoot closer to him and put a firm hand on his left leg, his laptop now closed and long forgotten. Your fingers are placed too high for it to be friendly, skimming lightly on the inside of his thigh. Yeosang and the others are busy minding their own business but the chance of getting caught in the act is still there. The simple realization has adrenaline running a hundred miles an hour in your veins, and with the way Yunho clenches his jaw — a desperate attempt to fight the groan that’s threatening in the back of his throat — you’re not the only one who’s aroused by the setup.

Slowly, your hand inches closer to his growing bulge. Before you can dare yet another experimental squeeze, Yunho’s hand surges forward and holds your wrist in a vice grip.

“Don’t,” he snarls through gritted teeth, but it sounds sadder than it is intimidating when he’s sporting a boner right in front of your eyes.

You cock your head to the side, almost in a mocking demeanor. “You sure? Think about it, it’s a win-win situation. You get to live out your exhibitionist right here in front of your new bandmates, and I get the confirmation that you’re into it. But if you really don’t want to…” you try to retreat your hand but Yunho doesn’t let you budge, hand still enclosed around yours. That won’t do as an answer.

“Which one is it? Say it, Yunho,” you assert, narrowing your eyes. Yunho looks distraught, feverishly biting his lip while he’s internally fighting with himself, but he eventually chokes out a response.

“As long as nobody notices—”

“You either say you want me to touch you or not. I don’t want any roundabout stories.”

“Touch me,” he whispers defeatedly and the grip on your hand disappears completely. “But I swear to God if anyone realizes what you’re doing— hhnh—!” he cuts himself off with a low moan when you cup him over the material of his jeans.

“Yes yes, I get it. I don’t need Yeosang to know about this,” you dismiss. “And oh wow, you’re getting hard fast when I’m just touching you over your pants.”

“Just get to it.”

The snappish attitude causes you to stop dead in your tracks. “You think you’re in the position to tell me what to do? I can be mean too, y’know,” you start nonchalantly, a stark contrast to the way your heart is shaking in your ribcage. The power you suddenly hold is exhilarating. “I could just leave you like this, and then you’d have to try to cover your situation down there while practice goes on. How would the others react if they only knew your dick is hard? Probably won’t take them too long to find out since standing for a long time can be tiring, hm?”

Yunho’s head lolls back in response as he’s struggling to keep his eyes open. His breathing is uneven and the resulting moan that follows suit makes you smirk. You lightly smack the inside of his thigh, causing another wave of arousal to rupture in him. He chokes out a hushed ‘f-fuck’ and at this point, the constriction around his cock must be bordering painful.

“Who would’ve thought that the big bad Jeong Yunho is actually a submissive bitch who’s hungry for attention?” you ask gleefully, delivering another slap before stroking the area. “Who would’ve fucking thought you were a sub?”

“I-I’m not— shit, s-stop that, hngh— a fucking sub.”

“Yeah yeah, say that to yourself.” You rip your gaze away from Yunho’s flushed face to check if the coast is clear before targeting his fisted hands. He stiffens when you pry his hand open and bring three digits to your lips, sticking your tongue out to give kitten licks to his fingertips before pushing them into your mouth. You hum, suck, swirl your tongue around his fingers, giggling when all he does is stare at you wordlessly, unable to form any coherent thoughts. “See? Not even once have you put up a fight.”

That seems to snap him out of his daze. In an instant, his eyes darken and his jaw clenches.

“Oh honey, you know, you really shouldn’t tease me.”

You snicker, seeing through his bluff. “Wow, I’m so scared. What do you wanna do? Leave practice right now? Drag me to my room and pound me into the mattress?”

“Don’t tempt me.”

“You could never, sub.”

Whatever strands of self-control were still residing in Yunho have turned to dust by now. One moment he’s towering over you in full height, looking down on your sitting form in bitter distaste, and in the next, he’s dragging you out of the basement, unaffected by the sudden silence and Yeosang, Mingi and San’s confused expressions.

Once you’re in the living room, Yunho wastes no time crowding you against the wall and crashing his lips against yours. The kiss is a messy clash of teeth and tongues, but it leaves you hot and lightheaded and aching for more. Yunho knows no limits and snakes one arm around your waist to pull you closer to him, the other hand fisting your hair. He tugs harshly and the sharp sting sends all your nerves into a frenzy.

“Bedroom. Now.” The sudden huskiness in his tone catches you off guard and you wonder when his voice has ever sounded so rough. You moan into the kiss, fisting his shirt as you stumble your way to your bedroom.

Yunho pins you against the door once you’re in your bedroom. His lips are addictive, just like the groans he slips in kisses and his hands roaming your body. He gets rid of your clothes until you’re left in your underwear, then forces a knee between your legs to keep them from closing. Your eyes roll back at the friction, growing needier and hotter when he presses his thigh against you harder.

When you finally pull away, his eyes are hooded and his lips are red and swollen. There’s no trace of inhibitions left in him as he watches you like a predator. With horror, you realize that the tables have turned, and when he easily locks both of your wrists above your head with one hand only, that’s when you know you’re undisputedly powerless against him.

“Who’s the sub now?” he pants, eyes sparkling with glee.

“Still y-you.” The response sounds pathetic to your own ears, but you have too big of an ego to admit it out loud. Yunho doesn’t buy it either if his quirked brow wasn’t telling enough.

“Still in denial, honey? I see. Guess I’ll have to do more then.” His free hand reaches down to tug on the waistband of your underwear, only to let it snap against your skin. The slight sting is enough to render your knees into mush and set fog into your vision. He does it again, and then he actually tugs the fabric down and you finally grab his motives.

“You’re bluffing— y-you wouldn’t put y-your fingers,” you ramble, hyperaware about how dangerously close his fingers are. Just when you think he’s about to shove a digit in, he pulls away completely.

“You know, you keep talking about my hands. It’s always my hands this, my hands that,” Yunho says casually, giving his nails a quick glance before meeting your eyes. “Rather than me having a hand fixation, it’s you who has a thing for hands. My hands specifically.”

You don’t like how every word is true. You don’t want to acknowledge that he’s correct. Verbally, because your body is moving on its own and has betrayed you long ago.

Yunho taps on your bottom lip and you comply reluctantly, letting him shove the same three fingers you sucked before. Mumbling unintelligible words under his breath, he watches intently as you hum around him, eyes fluttering shut when he slowly moves them in and out of your mouth. A whine escapes you when he pulls them out for good, soaked wet with your spit.

“Tell me.” Yunho grins, “Tell me what you like about them. Or else I’ll leave you hanging.” He’s not lying and you know it. The look he sends you is enough proof that he wouldn’t hesitate to leave you high and dry.

You don’t like how he’s stringing you on like a rag doll. You don’t like how he’s stripping you off your dignity step by step. Strangely enough, you feel yourself leaking and wanting nothing but his pretty long fingers inside of you.

“I like how they, agh I— I l-like how—” you stutter, losing all levels of rationality when he suddenly circles around your entrance. Yunho urges you to continue and it takes up all of your brainpower to pick up where you left off, “—they’re so long and big and pretty—”

“So you have a size kink.”

You stare at him in disbelief. Now that, that’s something he shouldn’t have deduced. “W-wha— I don’t!”

“Seems to me that you have one though. You kept stressing how big and bad and tall I was after all.” You stiffen. Did you? Did you really? You don’t recall saying it that many times but it's hard to think straight when Yunho still has your wrists above your head and is looking down at you in a downright patronizing way. It leaves you trembling pitifully, feeling called out and feeling so, so small.

He really wants you to hit your lowest peak because he doesn’t stop there. “Who’s the real sub here? Is it really me? Or is it you who likes feeling so short, small, tiny.” His smirk widens when your breath hitches ever so slightly. “I fucking knew it.”

“You don’t know shit,” you bark back, but to no avail. Your credibility has diminished the moment he caught up to your kinks.

“Say whatever you want but that won’t change the fact that you’re tiny baby,” he pauses, takes his bottom lip between his teeth as he’s giving you a thorough once-over and then enunciates the next syllables with such clarity that forces time to stop, “My tiny, helpless baby.”

The pet name breaks you. It’s the final trigger that takes all your inhibitions away and the pathetic size of an ego that was left in your stubborn head.

“Please,” your voice cracks but that’s the least of your worries. You can’t move, can’t talk back, and won’t get anything in return. Yunho is right in front of you, finding satisfaction in your internal destruction and yet, after all of the things he’s slaughtered you to, he won’t give you anything in return.

“Just a little bit more, baby. I’ll give you what you want if you repeat after me; I’m your—”

“I’m your tiny, helpless baby who desperately wants you to fuck me.” Yunho is mildly taken aback that you were still able to think and get it right before he even finished his sentence. “Now get on to it, Yunho. Please.”

You’re sniffling at this point, begging for any kind of stimulation that shoots you to the stars. You’re fucking sniffling, and that’s all it takes for Yunho to manhandle you on the bed. A gasp escapes you, not expecting this turn of events at all. It all happens in a flash and the next thing you know, you’re on all fours, face buried in the pillow.

“Yunho, I t-thought y-you’d fuck me,” you complain, glancing behind to see what’s taking him so long. Your mouth waters at the sight.

“Patience, baby,” he says as he’s unbuckling his belt, taking his sweet time. You rub your legs together to ease the tension, but you can’t really say you’re not enjoying the show. Yunho’s lean, slightly defined, and once he’s only left in his underwear, you swallow heavily. There’s a large, dark patch on the fabric and the bulge seems more prominent than before.

If your mouth was only watering, you’re drooling by now. Yunho takes off his boxers, revealing his painfully hard cock, tip red and oozing precum. Just like the rest of him, he’s abnormally huge.

You have two thoughts. One: Fuck, you want him. Now. Two:

“That’s never going to fit inside of me.”

“Oh it will,” he says with such confidence it gives you shivers. “I’ll pound you into the mattress and you’ll take it all.”

He grabs you by your thighs to pull you closer to him before positioning himself right behind you. “W-wait!” you cry, heart suddenly feeling heavy in your chest, “D-don’t just put it in without prep— o-oh, hnngh—” your body feels like jelly when Yunho presses two spit-coated fingers past your entrance, stretching you out with finesse.

“I’m not that heartless,” he chuckles amusedly, right at the same time he curls his digits right against your sweet spot, sending you headfirst into bliss. “You’re so small you wouldn’t be able to take an inch without prep.”

You only whine into the pillow, arching your back as he continues his ministrations. Once Yunho deems you stretched out enough, he retreats his fingers and replaces them immediately with his cock.

The difference is like night and day. It’s like his fingers didn’t amount to anything compared to this. The high-pitched cry that escapes you is loud as you grasp onto the pillow for dear life.

“How can you be so big?” you pant. There’s no way he’s past four inches deep inside of you. You’re far from being filled, but your walls are already clenching hard around him.

“Bassists do it deeper for a reason.” The innuendo is tacky but in your current headspace, it sounds like the sexiest thing you’ve ever heard. Yunho stills his hips, letting you get used to him. “How are you feeling?”

“Guh—” he chuckles at your inability to form coherent words, let alone thoughts. “So big.”

“You’ll get used to it, honey.” He leans forward to pet your hair. “Tell me when I can move,” he adds gently, and you swear you could melt right then.

It takes you a moment to get your breathing steady, and then he pushes more of his length inside. Whimpering, you writhe beneath him, feeling as if you’re being torn apart. Meanwhile, he’s breathing hard through his nose, trying his damn hardest to go as slow as possible. At a certain point, Yunho stops pressing for more and pulls out ever so slightly before rocking his hips back forward. It starts out slowly, but he gradually picks up the pace and you lose yourself into him.

“Faster,” you moan, bending your back for an even deeper angle. “Hnngh, so full. Want m-more.”

“You were right, you can’t take me to the hilt.” Yunho readjusts his grip on his hips and you know that bruises are going to last until the end of the week. “God, you’re so fucking small that you can’t take me to the fucking hilt.”

Your vision turns foggy once the meaning gets through you. Now that he’s saying it, how much of his cock is inside of you? Half of it? A third? He’s stretching you out so well, filling you up so impossibly deep and that wasn’t even his everything?

“That’s not— want more of you, all of you,” you stammer, not realizing what you’re even saying. “Baby wants all of you.” God, you’re so drunk and desperate for his cock that you can’t refer yourself in the first person anymore.

Yunho reacts just as perplexed, eyes widening. His hips still once more, and though you’d want to shout at him to keep on moving, you don’t find the energy to move your head, or even lift a finger.

“So fucking greedy,” he growls, pulling out of you completely. Not even a second later, he flips you around on your back so that you’re facing him dead in the eye, and then he pushes back in. The new position has you gurgling on broken words as your arms flail around for dear life.

Yunho throws a leg over his shoulder, creating a deeper angle. You don’t know if he’s actually giving you more if he’s managed to force more of him into you. All you register is the messy squelch of liquids and your moans bouncing off the walls. You can’t even see properly, everything a blur and a mix of different colors.

“I’m gonna cum,” you whimper, sensing your demise nearing closer and closer.

“Then cum,” Yunho orders in between groans, then adds in a louder voice, “You hear that baby? Cum and make a mess out of yourself.”

Your orgasm crashes onto you in a big singular wave as you tremble under his frame, walls clenching around him tightly. His name leaves your mouth like a mantra as you continue to convulse. Yunho pulls out moments later, just to spurt white on your abdomen. His face is flushed and beads of sweat are forming on his forehead while he jerks himself dry.

It’s a miracle that Yunho hasn’t toppled on you once he slowly comes down from his high. The fog in your vision clears up gradually, but your limbs are as good as worthless. You won’t be able to move freely for a good day or two.

As you continue to blink at the ceiling, only finding the energy to breathe, Yunho grabs the box of tissues from your nightstand and wipes himself off before doing the same to you. His touch is gentle unlike before, and you’d thank him if your vocal cords were still functioning.

You’re about to drift to sleep until he suddenly leans down and pecks your lips. In an instant, you narrow your eyes at him and ask, “What was that for?”

“You had some cum on your lip. I wanted to taste too.” Yunho smiles cheekily and runs his tongue against his bottom lip, then grimaces. “It tastes... yikes.”

He cleans you up in silence before plopping onto the bed right next to you. No words are exchanged up until you say, “Yeosang is going to kill you.”

“He can’t afford to kill me. He needs me for the band,” he muses.

“He’ll still kill you.”

“I appreciate the concern, honey.”

“Just scram back to practice.”

“Don’t you want to go to the bathroom first?”

“I can do it myself.”

“Oh really?”

“... Yunho, help me on my legs and then scram back to practice.”

Meanwhile, back in the basement, the guys are waiting for their bandmate to come back so they can finally finish practice and then eat chicken.

“You sure (y/n) and Yunho are only childhood enemies? They’ve been going at it like rabbits if he isn’t back here yet!” San exclaims, throwing his arms up for dramatic effect.

Mingi can’t counter that because San has a point, so he whips his head to Yeosang. “Dude, you sure they’re not in a relationship? They have to be at least fuckbuddies! Or fuckrivals? Fuckenemies? Or…”

“I do not know and I do not care,” Yeosang says blankly, looking like he’s about to bang his head against the wall because he sure won’t walk into your room and curse his eyes for the rest of his life. Damnit, all he wants is to practice and get the band together; their next gig is only a few weeks away. “In fact, I want to unsee what I just saw and unhear what you just said.”

#blame 5*os for the creation of the band au idea #ateez smut #yunho smut #jeong yunho smut #ateez hard hours #atz smut #luvsmut #the ending is rushed oopsie but i never know how to end smut scenes ahahaha

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katherinewilliams221b · 3 years

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Just saw you reblogged the otp ask so let me shoot those questions at you, specifically in light of the angsty fragments that you've published: 1, 5, 7 (can you say fishing for spoilers...xdd) and 10. Bc there's not enough angst for me apparently 🥲🍄🖤🍃

lmao straight to the important questions eh?

From this ask

1. What's the biggest wish the members of your otp have for the other? Is it a wish that could come true? Do they actively work towards it?

I feel like Kate wants a passionate life for Charlie, maybe its with dragons or maybe not, but she doesnt want him to lose that enthusiasm and that excitement he gets when discovering new things. I kind of sense that he's always a little bit mocked for being so into dragons that Kate sometimes fears he could lose that spark just because of peer pressure. And of course it comes true! He will always have that fire inside him.

Charlie wishes Kate can get out of that guilt wheel she's been in during the war years. He wants her to have soem peace of mind and for her to find a job she is passionate about. The topic of her not knowing where to work or what to do is getting recurrent in my fics because I just happen to be writing about the War, the time where Kate felt the most confused about her life. But after that is over and they finally talk, she can start working towards that. The in-progress fic is the starting point of that healing process she needs.

5. What's your otp's ideal vision of the future? What would they want to happen? Where would they want to live?

Despite being both troublemakers, or more like trouble finds them, they both want a stable future. Create a home where they can feel safe, where Charlie can hop around with dragons and whatnot, and Kate can calmly dedicate to her research and her herbs and her weird things knowing that bubble they created for themselves is their refuge. They want to be solid and strong and for that to be a constant.

I don't really think they mind where to live. Romania is the easiest choice for now but I've always had this thought in the back of my head that at some point they go to another place because of her work (or his). I don't know, I feel like Charlie would follow her if the circumstances make them make a decision, feeling she deserves chosing a place to live after she left her life in London to go to Romania with him. (I'm giving too much info already). I kinda thought Scotland, Highlands, just bc of the idea of Charlie in a kilt but then it gets a little bit strange (and too close to the Outlander concept), like it doesnt feel right in a way. Anyway, it needs to have lots of nature and dragons and being a little bit far away from their families but not completely isolated.

7. Your otp has to spend some time apart for whatever reason. How would they bridge that time? How would they react upon seeing each other again? Would anything change?

okay. OKAY. I should have seen this one coming because I tend to keep them always apart more time than they are together. But that just happens until the end of the War!

Something that weighs on me is the For A Greater Good reunion. Because its really anti-climatic. I know why I did it but I realised that I didnt write it very well. I plant to fix that on this fic.

However I need to point out that nothing really changes when they are apart. Some people don't really understand this or don't like it, but that's just how I live separations with loved ones, time passes yes, and they will be talking about it for hours but it doesnt change how they feel about each other.

10. If your otp had met at a different point in time/their lives, what would change? Would they still end up together?

I do like the idea of them knowing each other later in life. In fact that was my plan before writing my very first fic about them, but I so fixated in the World Cup (I was reading HP4 at the time) that everything else just...happened.

But yea, I kinda like the idea of them meeting each other in adulthood, with that game of starting to know each other, an aura of mystery around them idk as opposed to the concept of knowing each other perfectly well since forever, which I love as well. Its not likely that Kate would go to Romania just because, so the meeting point should be somewhere they have in common like Hogwarts or Diagon Alley or somewhere near there. They would like each other pretty fast, just like in my current universe, but for sure the kissing would start way earlier lmao. I wouldnt do the enemies to lovers type of thing because it doesnt suit them.

#charlie weasley #kate williams #ask

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swimfuel · 3 years

Text

okay humanstuck thoughts under the cut

i owe a lot of this to @/rhythmic-idealist's kankri/vantasposting bc holy shit theyve got such a big brain (ill link to their individual posts when im on desktop since im using this to keep all my thoughts straight and i agree with most of what they say wholeheartedly)

general status quo stuff:

signless works in an extremely demanding career involving helping others (i'm leaning towards an attorney who works with organizations and does pro bono work), and is also extensively involved in social justice work outside of his job... he is very rarely home

he loves and cares for his children deeply and tries to express it whenever they're face to face, but the couch in his cramped and messy office has seen far too much use over the years for him to have been able to say it enough

his habits of working himself to the point of exhaustion are handily passed down to his kids btw

the kids had to grow up quickly because signless was out of the house so often and so consistently—kankri, who was already pretty high-strung, has to learn to take care of himself and karkat

they grow up near ms firuzeh maryam, who's their pseudoaunt/grandma (she took in a nine year old kavana vantas when she was about twenty), but they just call her ms rosa

they spent a lot of time in the maryam house growing up, with miss rosa's two nieces. porrim is a year older than kankri, while kanaya and karkat are the same age

kankri grows kinda sensitive to people trying to mother him since it rubs against the notion that he's the "adult of the house" and that he can take care of himself and karkat just fine

(and it also kinda underlines the fact that kankri has no idea what he's doing at the best of times)

and ironically enough, kankri becomes overbearing and naggy towards karkat in his own right, which forestalls them becoming close in any brotherly sort of way

they grow up really just... unable to communicate with one another clearly

karkat develops his ornery exterior in response to kankri's constant stream of opinions and frantic attempts at making up for the presence of a guardian in the house

i think there would actually be some really interesting parallels with rose in this au.. maybe i'm drawing from my own experiences as well but i think he'd begin to assume that every time his brother opens his mouth, he's going to criticize karkat

but instead of reacting like rose with the "making yourself more of a puzzle"/passive aggressive stuff, he gets a more defensive/hackles raised/"argue with you before you can argue with me" approach

and the thing is that they do love each other and would take a bullet for the other etc etc etc.. but they don't know how to express it because they've fallen into these shitty patterns

and it really doesn't help that kankri has grown somewhat resentful of signless over the years... that mix of resentment and fear and love gets more extreme and more polar every time signless gets injured during a political demonstration

i think kankri and signless would also be slightly closer than karkat and signless, as signless' job really only started to ramp up when karkat was less than years old and kankri was in his early double digits

kankri autistic btw its word of god (i am god)

karkat has a pet crab. its name is also karkat. he vents his frustrations to it.

i feel like the vantases exemplify both the best and worst parts of their aspects with one another as well... the strength of their bonds keeps them together and grounded, but TOO grounded. [insert Blood rant here]

the Blood rant:

i define Blood as bonds, responsibility, and the "core". if Life is the fertile soil and everything living on a planet's surface, then Blood is the gravitational core of the planet keeping everything together

i also think Blood, Heart, & Mind work in tandem to define a person just as blood serves to connect the pieces of the human body... Heart is the soul and the self, Mind is the application of one's self through active choices (agency), while Blood defines both the self and the choices one makes in greater detail [and, as an aside, Life provides the physical spark of life needed to keep the heart pumping blood]

OKAY wow that got tangential anyways

SO BASICALLY! too much Blood makes you stagnate, so for example:

kankri is split between staying home with karkat or going to college across the country and being truly unbound for the first time in years

another crisis of Blood: signless is caught between his empathy and responsibility to the whole world and his responsibility to his own children

okay so here's more status quo stuff:

the maryam and vantas kids grow up together and its hilarious because you'll see them all together and its just like (girlboss) (girlboss) (physical manlet) (emotional manlet)

the maryam girls are actually miss rosa's nieces but she took them in when they were both pretty young

the pyropes know the vantases well enough considering pyrope senior and sign have known one another from their respective legal practices for years, but they live on the other side of town

the leijons lived in town when kankri and meulin were very young, but they moved and travelled for a long time before coming back and reestablishing their roots

the captors (psii being one of sign's oldest and closest friends) move into town with the peixes family pretty early on though

the condesce is.. a horrible spouse and guardian, to put it plainly. she's very emotionally manipulative and isn't averse to smacking people around, including her own family. she moves herself and her perfect little family into town so she can properly oversee a new business venture close by

feferi is one of the best young swimmers in the country and has a pretty good shot of getting onto the olympic team.. a lot of this drive to be perfect and to be better results from the condesce's unrelenting pressure and thinly veiled resentment throughout her whole life

so yeah psii, )(ic, feferi, and sollux all live together and it's really not great for anyone involved. (meenah ran away years ago, and crashed on aranea's couch for a pretty long while—mituna moved out with latula for college before psii and the condesce got married)

it gets bad to the point of sollux staying with the maryams for two months while the adults try to sort out that absolute clusterfuck and get the divorce proceedings going (meenah finally convinces feferi to get out and come stay with her and aranea for the duration as well)

in terms of relationships i think latula and porrim were really really close in high school, and probably had some kind of unacknowledged thing going on for a while that never actually turned into anything because latula and mituna were going steady

kankri has had a crush on latula for years but never acted on it for similar reasons

meenah still carries a lot of that give no fucks attitude (it's developed moreso as a defense mechanism here) and can't understand why feferi refuses to leave the condesce with her

okay back to VANTAS MANPAIN i also think that karkat feels the weight of a lot of expectations on his shoulders as well

he feels responsible to live up to the example his dad and his brother set, even if it's to his own detriment—and kankri's oblivious rambling about his grades and his teachers and all his clubs certainly aren't helping the matter

kankri is one of those overinvolved kids taking a million AP's while simultaneously shitting on the collegeboard at every single step

hes this super overachiever anal retentive perfectionist type dude and (just as karkat preemptively criticizes others to forestall their criticisms of him only to harshly criticize himself) kankri subconsciously holds the people around him to the same expectations he holds for himself

so karkat also develops this sense of lacking which, in combination with everything else, culminates in self loathing and thinking he has to solve everyone else's problems and getting horribly mad at himself for every little mistake

GOD i have a lot more but lemme post this before i accidentally close out of the app and lose it all

more little details:

vriska's mom and terezi's mom HATE each other like HATE HATE HATE one another it's so bad

karkat wrote a ten page review of my immortal in middle school

jade is one of nepeta's best online friends

sollux can't raise one eyebrow at a time.. karkat gives him so much grief about it

the vantases eat a lot of shitty renditions of persian dishes until karkat learns to cook because literally the only person in the world with a CHANCE of getting KANKRI VANTAS to make an EDIBLE DISH is miss rosa

kanaya is really good at persian dance too but is VERY VERY embarassed to perform in front of people.. however porrim definitely is not

karkat has insomnia while kankri just stays up stupidly late for assignments that really shouldnt be taken that seriously.. but they both have the same rumination/sleep anxiety thing where your brain goes insane with horrible and depressing scenarios as you try to sleep

and more ideas that i thought were interesting but idk how to fit in the context of this au:

signless and disciple getting married pretty late in life after having been in love for years, the vantases move in with the leijons and karkat suddenly has two sisters

nepeta and karkat are both juniors at this point, meulin is probably in her third year at a local college nearby while kankri is about to start his second year at a university pretty far away

the kids in general honestly but ill figure it out

more random hcs this time with kids:

kanaya and rose get into a flame war online that gradually settles into elaborate courtship rituals

also nepeta + jade online besties

also bec can inexplicably still teleport

the first sbahj movie comes out and the next six months of dave strider junior's high school career are absolute hell

actually hc that dave senior goes by d strider professionally. the d stands for a lot of things

aradia and dave frequent a lot of the same forums but never end up really interacting

meanwhile karkat and john frequent a lot of the same forums and DEFINITELY end up interacting. this turns into grudging (at least on karkat's part) friendship after they find themselves fighting for their lives defending an objectively shitty movie together on the same thread

#humanstuck #vantas family #.

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of-a-chaotic-mind · 4 years

Text

Life After Losing Him

Summary: Reader goes about their new daily life but soon runs into the best friend they had lost several months prior.

TW/CW: Platonic!Reader x Sam and Dean Winchester (mostly Dean tbh). Classmate bullying Reader. Should College Student Reader be a warning? Bc I feel like it should lmao. Lots of swearing. Dean does the silver blade test so a wound and blade are mentioned. I don’t think there’s anything else but lmk if I should add something.

Requested?: Yes, a lovely Anon said, “Hello love, your writing is really good and I love how active you are on your account it’s very impressive I could never 🥰 I would be so honored if you could do a platonic imagine for me??? I had in mind like Dean going to hell and coming back and being mad at Sam because he stopped hunting and maybe being mad at reader for moving on and going to college/not trying to help Sam? Idk if that makes any sense lol”

Word Count: 1,880

A/N: So, Dean isn’t as angry as I could’ve written him to be, I didn’t really include Sam much in this one, and it’s mostly Reader going about her day in her new life. If enough of you want it, I could write a second part where Dean and Reader get home and talk to Sam or whatever. I hope this is alright. I personally really like some bits of it but as a whole it feels off to me for some reason.

Your POV

I grabbed the car keys off my side table before heading out my bedroom door with my backpack slung over my shoulder. I stopped in the kitchen to grab the lunch I had packed the previous evening and a thermos of coffee before heading out for another day of boring ass classes. When I enrolled at the local community college to major in folklore and mythology, I thought the classes would be more interesting and it would be a piece of cake but unfortunately, I got stuck with a boring professor who obviously didn’t even want to be teaching the class in the first place. I push the garage doors open before making my way over to the car. I open the door and drop down into the driver’s seat, set my thermos in the cupholder near my feet, and toss my backpack and lunchbox into the passenger seat. After closing the door, I sigh as I place my hands on the steering wheel, “Alright, Baby. Another day without him but I know you’ve still got my back.” I reach over and pat the dash before cranking the ignition and pulling out of the garage to head for school. The ride to school is quiet aside from the classic rock drifting softly through the speakers.

I manage to find a decent parking spot within walking distance of my class but have to mentally prepare myself before grabbing my coffee and backpack and stepping out of the car. I lock the doors, shut mine, and head towards class. On autopilot, I find the classroom that I need and take my usual seat near the front against a wall and turn my back to the wall as I always do. Aside from a few who like to get here early for the same reason I do, to get our favorite seats, the majority of the class hasn’t arrived yet so I pull out my notebook, pen, and coffee. I avoid all eye contact with the others in the room and label my notebook page for today’s lecture. For the most part, people around here seem to avoid me although I haven’t decided if it’s because I intimidate them or because they think I’m “one of those backwoods crazy people” or perhaps it’s both. Regardless, it suits me fine. I’m not here to make friends, I’m here to get a degree and do something useful with my new life. When he died, Sam and I both agreed to not try to find a way to bring him back and try to create a normal life. Every now and then, I secretly take a hunt but it’s usually nothing more than a basic salt and burn case. I did get a job at a local mechanic shop. They were practically begging me to take the job when I showed up for the interview in Baby.

I’m pulled from my thoughts as a loud group of guys enter the room. I try to ignore them but as per usual their little pack leader wants to try to ruin my day. He calls out to me but thankfully before he can start something, the instructor enters and tells him to have a seat. I’ll have to give this instructor points for at least not putting up with any bullshit like that in his class. Anyway, the rest of the class joins shortly and takes their seats and, on the dot, as always, the instructor starts his lecture. A miserable hour and a half later I have several pages of notes, most of which are completely false from a hunter’s perspective, about topics I already know the truth about just so I know what the instructor will expect on the test. The instructor dismisses us so I pack away all my things and head back to the car to eat lunch before my next class.

I’m about halfway back to the car, which is completely hidden by a huge, jacked up, 4x4 pickup truck, when the loud group of guys catches up to me and their leader calls out again, "Hey, nerd! Why don’t you stop for a second? I didn’t get a chance to take notes in class and I want to get pictures of yours.”

I ignore him and keep my head down as I mumble under my breath, “yeah because you were sleeping,” and continue to the car. As I come around the back end of the pickup and approach the car, I slam into something, or rather someone, sturdy and nearly get knocked on my ass if it weren’t for the person catching me. Out of instinct I go to grab my dagger out of its sheath under my sleeve but the person grabs my hand, “Don’t pull that thing out here. It’s just me.” Hearing that voice causes pure shock mixed with a touch of suspicion to wash over me. I look up and into the face of my formerly, dearly departed best friend, Dean Winchester. However, before I can ask questions or even test to make sure it’s him, the small group of my classmates rounds the end of the pickup truck causing Dean to push me behind him in a protective way.

The pack leader grins mischievously, “Who’s this? You know this guy, nerd?”

I roll my eyes but Dean speaks up for me, “I’m (Y/n)’s brother you little bitch. Now, fuck off and leave her alone.” In all honesty, Dean wasn’t biologically my brother but he and Sam have been the closest thing to having any siblings in general that I’ve ever gotten.

The pack leader looks around Dean at me, “This true?” I nod. He laughs, “Well, I don’t know which of you are driving this piece of junk but you should probably get with the times and stop driving this old rust bucket. Maybe you could upgrade to a nice truck like mine here,” he taunts patting the truck parked beside us.

“Your attention seeking, overcompensating piece of shit on wheels could never handle the things this car has been through,” Dean argues, stepping forward. I grab his arm and tug in attempts to get him to back down, no luck.

The guy scoffs, “Yeah right. I bet if your little friend behind you there hit a curb it’d tear this car to pieces.”

Before Dean can get into a fist fight, I unlock the car door and shove him in before climbing in myself. Unfortunately, the asshole doesn’t get the hint that I’m leaving and leans back against Baby. I check the mirrors to make sure that I’m not going to run anyone over before driving forward out of my spot, mentally thanking whoever didn’t park there or had just pulled out of the spot in front of me, causing the pack leader to fall on his ass. I laugh to myself as I watch in the rearview mirror and then take off. I find a secluded spot on campus to park so that I can test Dean, figure out what the hell happened with him, and eat my lunch before my next class in four hours. When I put the car in park, and look over, he’s already rolled his sleeve up and has a silver blade ready for the test. He presses the blade into his arm right above another wound that looks fresh.

“I figure if Sam wanted all the tests done then you definitely will,” he grumbles before wrapping his arm having sufficiently proven he’s not allergic to the silver. I grab the bottle of holy water that I keep in my backpack and hand it to him. He takes a sip of it before handing it back to me. I nod in understanding before grabbing my lunchbox to eat.

Once I’ve opened my sandwich, I take a bite, chew, and swallow before asking, “What happened this time?”

“I don’t know, Sam’s working on that now,” he pauses, watching me, “I’d like to know what the hell happened to you.”

“There it is again. You never call him Sam but that’s twice in just the past few minutes,” I muse, avoiding his question, “I guess you’re pissed at him because he stopped hunting?”

“Yeah, and it seems to me like you did too so why don’t you answer my question?” he replies.

I sigh, and toss my sandwich back onto the paper towel in my lap, “After we lost you, Sam and I agreed to not go looking for a way to bring you back and to start living a normal life. Granted, I always mentally thanked him for phrasing it that way because that meant if a way to bring you back fell into my lap then I could take the opportunity. Regardless, I got a job at a mechanic shop nearby and started classes here for a degree in folklore and mythology.”

He scoffs and whips his head around to look out the windshield, “So you stopped hunting too. What the hell is wrong with you two?”

“The two of us didn’t stop hunting. He did,” I snap back, “He doesn’t know it but I go on hunts every now and then when the apple pie life gets too boring.”

“What about that asshole back there? Why do you let him bully you?” he asks, nodding his head toward where we had come from earlier.

“He’s always trying to pick on me but I ignore him for the most part and keep my dagger in my sleeve just in case. The less attention I draw to myself the better.” I answer.

“You’re really balancing all this? Like, you go to class and study for exams and shit but then every now and then you go hunting during the weekend?” he asks and I nod. “So, what about Sammy?”

“He got a job, even been on a few dates but like I said, he stopped hunting, as far as I know anyway,” I respond. My phone dings before either of us could say anything else so I pick it up to check it and find that my instructor for my other class for today has sent out a message to cancel it for today. I toss the phone down onto the seat between us and stuff my sandwich and everything else I had pulled out back into my lunchbox before putting the car in drive and backing out of this spot.

“What are you doing?” he questions, once again. I swear if he doesn’t knock it off with the questions, I’m going to roundhouse his ass.

“Going home. My other class for today was cancelled,” I answer shortly.

He’s quiet until we get to the campus entrance, “Can we- uh- Can we stop and get a burger on the way?” I nod as I laugh at him. This is probably going to be weird to adapt to but we’ll figure it out. The three of us always figure things out. Honestly, if this turns into something bigger, as it usually does, then wouldn’t mind quitting school. Turns out it’s not all it’s cracked up to be and definitely not for me. I just hope Dean won’t sulk too long about how Sam and I handled life after losing him.

Masterlist

Taglist: @emiijemii @akshi8278 @deandaydreaming @castiels-majestic-wings @desimarie12

#dean winchester #dean winchester x reader #dean winchester imagine #dean winchester imagines #dean winchester oneshot #dean winchester oneshots #sam winchester #sam winchester x reader #sam wimchester imagine #sam winchester imagines #sam winchester oneshot #sam winchester oneshots #supernatural #supernatural imagine #supernatural imagines #supernatural oneshot #supernatural oneshots

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rudjedet · 4 years

Text

somecunttookmyurl replied to your post

“amazing. hit the t-minus 4 weeks mark until i’d have to go back to...”

"#you can come out of IVF with PTSD and it is NOT talked about enough" this does not really surprise me it doesn't seem like a pleasant process, on the whole. but medical ptsd in general is something nobody ever talks about bc doctors don't want to admit they're causing psychological harm to their patients amirite i am i'm right

you sure ain’t fucking wrong dude.

IVF is like... it can literally go wrong at ANY step of the way. literally.

You jab yourself with needles for at least 2 weeks in hopes of ripening follicles with eggs for the retrieval. This can go wrong and nothing can ripe, or too much can ripe and you end up with ovarian overstimulation syndrome, which means you have to wait anywhere between 6 weeks to several months before you can continue. We got lucky: 10 follicles bang on time. Still stressful as fuck.

Then the eggs get retrieved. Ever had a transvaginal ultrasound? It’s that, but now the ultrasound wand has a giant fuck off needle that punches through your uterus, into the follicles, to hopefully suck any eggs out. They don’t know if there are eggs in the follicles until they check in the IVF lab. This is generally considered horrible and painful as fuck, so they drug you to hell. I got lucky: it barely hurt because I’m a freak of nature. Still stressful as fuck beforehand.

Your hubbie/partner brings the eggs to the IVF lab while you sleep off having holes punched in your uterus like it’s a time card. This can go wrong, not only because he can technically have an accident on the way there, but also because there’s a non-zero chance there were no (usable) eggs extracted from the follicles. We got extremely lucky: I had 17 good-looking eggs (from 10 follicles!) Still stressful as fuck.

Extra stress: because I had so many double yolks, I was now at risk for ovarian overstimulation syndrome, see above. I got lucky: it didn’t happen. Still stressful as fuck.

Partner, if appliccable, jacks into a cup. This can go wrong because it can turn out because of the stress that the sperm isn’t of sufficient quality. Stressful, not so much for me.

You go home while the IVF technicians attempt to fertilise the eggs with sperm. You get an appointment for the third day after the retrieval, but until the morning of the transfer you will not know if any fertilisation occurred. So this can still go wrong after all of the above stress. Stressful as fuck. We got lucky: we had at least one fertilisation (they don’t tell you how many eggs were fertilised until you get there, just that you get the go ahead).

You go to the IVF lab for the transfer. Before the first, fresh transfer, they tell you how many of the eggs were fertilised. This can go wrong because the fertilised eggs might not even be of sufficient quality. They told me to sit down first so I freaked the fuck out. We got extremely lucky: we had 14(!) fertilised eggs that looked good to excellent. Fucking stressful bullshit.

After the transfer you may get a bunch of progesterone suppositories that you have to shove up there three times a day. And then literally all you can do is wait for 11-14 days before you can test. While you know there’s a blastocyst in your endometrial lining that may or may not implant. This is where it gets even more fucking stressful. We didn’t get lucky with that first transfer. Cue renewed heartbreak when you stare at the nth negative pregnancy test.

In the meanwhile, if you had more than one succesful fertilisation, they will attempt to cryofreeze the ones that weren’t transferred that day (over here, if you’re younger than 37 they’ll only transfer one egg at a time; over 37 and they’ll transfer two). This can go wrong. The eggs may not survive this process. We got lucky: the next week we received a letter that 12 of the remaining 13 eggs were succesfully frozen. If you’re like me, you’ll feel bad about the one that was lost because you consider the fertilised eggs your babies already. Highly stressful on top of the already stressful business of waiting and hyperfocusing on ANY sign of implantation/pregnancy.

If, like us, you were unlucky in the getting-pregnant department but lucky enough to have extra eggs, you get to try again the next month or month after that. I had to be on HRT for two weeks prior because they’d previously knocked my cycle out because of the endometriosis. About 11 days into your medicated cycle they’ll check the thickness of your endometrial lining. If it’s thick enough, you get the go ahead. In case of an unmedicated cycle, you have to do ovulation tests until you get a positive, in which case you get the go ahead. You get an appointment at the lab, but now you have to wait until the morning of the day of to hear whether or not one of the eggs successfully thawed because guess what: that can still go wrong. We got lucky: all four cryo transfers thawed without issues.

Repeat steps 6-7. Get to do the stressing all over again! Eventually we got lucky: on our 3rd transfer, we had a positive pregnancy test.

You call in the result, everybody is happy and congratulates you. Then you get to wait another 4-6 weeks before the term ultrasound. The first time this happens, this is kind of exciting! But it can still go wrong, because 25% of pregnancies naturally abort before 7 weeks. Stressful, and the days seem to stretch like thick jelly. We didn’t get lucky: miscarried our first baby at 8 weeks, on the very morning of the ultrasound. The most heartbreaking thing to ever have happened. I saw our baby that day, but I didn’t want it to be on a piece of toilet paper, lifeless.

Repeat steps 6-9, or, in our case, 6-11, but this time miscarry at 6 weeks, on your first wedding anniversary just to add insult to injury.

Optional: Get your fucking endometrial cysts removed because now your gynaecologists suspects you either have some serious fucking bad luck, or the cysts are actively working against a lasting pregnancy. Stressful and painful as fuck.

Repeat steps 6-10. We got lucky: another positive test. Apparently my body figured out how to do the whole getting pregnant thing at that point, because I was pregnant three times in a row. Now the waiting begins again. You’re at this point so traumatised and so convinced your body is incapable of carrying to term, you’re having a hard time being happy and/or bonding with the little bean inside you. You go to the term ultrasound. Your heart is in your throat. But then you see baby’s heart beat on the monitor, and your amazingly awesome beautiful gynaecologist says there’s now a 97% chance you’ll carry to term. We got lucky. So lucky.

Be pregnant. Try not to freak. You’ll freak anyway. You shit bricks every time you go to the bathroom, expecting to see the blood of a beginning miscarriage any day now. You can’t enjoy the pregnancy. Pregnancy sucks anyway, fuck that shit with a rusty cactus. Every time you buy something for the baby, or tell a new person of your pregnancy, you think that’s the moment you’ll miscarry, because it was never meant to be for you. If you’re like me, you end up on sick leave from work because your first miscarriage started there and the site of your job and miscarriages are now forever linked. Every ultrasound appointment is the most stressful thing you’ve ever done, convinced as you are your baby will die before birth. You call your obstetrician every week just to get another check done because you’re so worried. We got so lucky: our baby was in perfect health every time.

Give birth. Feel like you’re the fucking luckiest people on the goddamn planet because that little bean you just pushed out of your vagina spent almost a year as an icicle and what the fuck? is that kind of miracle? Thank the Lord and all that is holy for modern medicine.

Remain traumatised and deadly afraid you’ll lose your baby to SIDS any day now, to the point you actively tried not to bond just to make the heartbreak you just know is coming less. Bond with your baby anyway because she’s adorable, amazing, so soft, and the cutest, sweetest, most beautiful thing you ever laid eyes on.

Realise very acutely that there are many, many people who have to go through all of the above without ever coming out of it at the other end with a baby. Cry.

But yeah let’s not talk about how traumatising all of that shit is. You’ll get support at the hospital, sure, but if you’re lucky enough to even get pregnant it’s often crap because “we don’t do trauma help during pregnancy”. And yeah okay that makes sense, that kind of stress won’t be good for the baby. But the other kind of stress you’re dealing with isn’t, either.

#somecunttookmyurl #ivf #fuck that shit #cw pregnancy loss #sorry I.. had to type that out for some reason

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surveys-at-your-service · 3 years

Text

Survey #402

“there’s a space kept in hell with your name on the seat / with a spike in the chair just to make it complete”

Have you ever had any really infected injuries? Not an injury, per se, but I've had at least one ear piercing get infected during the healing process. Shit sucks ass. Are you popular on any websites? No. What was the last song you listened to? "Savior" by SWARM. Are you considered popular at school? I wasn't. If you could host your own talk show, would you do it? No. I've got nothing interesting to talk about. If you were starving would you eat food out of a garbage can? I honestly don't know if I could with how squeamish I am about sharing food, even with family. And we're talking about sharing food that's been in the TRASH. Do you know anyone who has changed their first name? I do. Which one of your senses would you be the most devastated to lose? I THINK hearing. I hate silence, so that would just be... haunting. I want to be able to hear people's voices and other sounds. Do you know anyone who has been on life support, and survived? I have no idea. Do your parents have a strong relationship together? God no. They're divorced for a reason. Have you ever read any of Charles Darwin’s works? No. If there was such a thing as a mental health first aid kit, what would you want to be in it? Some ice cream and a Mountain Dew bc I'm an emotional eater, my "graduation" pebble from my partial hospitalization program to remember how far I've come, some cold water to run over my face (or drink), my iPod for music and phone to watch YouTube, a nice, big blanket to turn into a burrito in... that kind of stuff. If you’re in a relationship, are you happy? And if you’re single, are you looking for someone? I'm not actively searching for anyone, no. What is something that people make fun of you for? Always being on the computer. It makes me EXTREMELY self-conscious, and I really wish people would keep their mouths shut about it. Which supermarket do you like to shop at? Wal-Mart. Have you ever been told that your boyfriend/girlfriend wasn’t good enough for you? In the past. Do you think it’s okay to flirt with someone that’s already taken, as long as it goes no further? Fuck no. Do you struggle to say ‘no’ to things you don’t want to do? YUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUP. Someone attractive is staring at you. What do you do? Probably just kinda smile and blush and look down/away. Are you friends with someone a lot of people dislike? *shrug* Favorite photo search engine? Tumblr for gifs, Google or Pinterest for still images, depending on what I'm looking for. Do you doggie paddle or actually swim in a pool? I'll do both, I think? It's been too long since I've swum. Ever made a snow angel? Ye-ep. Would you ever take up smoking? No. I like having operational lungs. Do you laugh at racial jokes? No. Hate to break it to ya, but they're not funny. Book series you enjoyed reading recently? I've been loving Wings of Fire by Tui T. Sutherland, even if I'm reading very slowly. My psychiatrist has given me a new way to approach my hobbies I have difficulty engaging in, so I'm hoping if I keep it up, my rate of reading will speed up! Are there any keys on your keyboard that have letters fading away? Ahaha, yeah... "a," "s," and "d." A true gamer. How "w" is still alive, I couldn't tell ya. Favorite non-chocolate candy? Sour Punch Straws, probably. The red ones, in specific. Last person you texted? My mom. What did you learn from your first job? That I can't work with people. Favorite website from your childhood? I was a Webkinz A D D I C T. Least favorite flavor of food or drink? Cranberry came to mind very quickly. Least favorite pattern? uhhhhhhh Favorite potato food? Either French fries or Lays wavy potato chips. PC or console gaming? I grew up as a console gamer, so I'm kinda biased. Writing or drawing? Don't make me choose!! I get more satisfaction out of drawing something I'm proud of, but I do way more writing. Who would you put before everyone else? My mom, probably. Lamps, overhead lights, fairy lights, or sunlight? Fairy lights are so cute. How many phone numbers do you have memorized? I shit you not, none. What is your third favourite colour? Hm. Maybe rose gold, or lilac. Can you remember your first phone? If so, what kind was it? I'm really not sure, but I WANT to say it was one of those slide-y, compact Blueberry ones? Who is your favourite character from Alice in Wonderland? The Cheshire Cat has always been very alluring to me. What is the last thing you looked up online? The definition to a word just to ensure I was using it correctly. Have you ever had your fortune read? No. I ain't wasting time or money on that shit. Can you read tarot cards? If you couldn't guess from above, I have zero faith in this kinda stuff, so I don't care to learn. Do you prefer lemons or limes? Lemons. I like lime flavoring in some stuff, though. Are your expecting anything in the mail? No. What would you like to see out of your window everyday instead of what you see now? The forest. Do you own a camera? I do, a Canon EOS Rebel T6. Have you ever written a special note in a book? Yes. Early into our relationship, Jason lent me a book to read, and I wrote a lil love letter in it for him. Do you have any artistic talents? I mean I like to think I'm a good writer and a decent artist. Do you remember the last movie you saw while on a date? Yeah, IT with Girt. It was fun because he's a horror pansy, haha. He did fine, though. What would you do if you found out you were pregnant? Freak the fuck out because I haven't had sex in many years, so that thing's coming the fuck out 'cuz it obviously ain't natural. Favorite thing to get at McDonalds? Look man, I'm shameless, I love me a Quarter Pounder w/ cheese. Plus some fries. :x Do you know anyone named Alex? I know multiple people named Alex, actually. Whose house did you last sleep over at? Sara's. In other words, it's been a loooong time.Would you ever record yourself having sex? God no. Like zero judgment to the people that do, but I get NOTHING out of watching others "do it." I've never actually tried watching porn, but I couldn't have less interest. I know I'd hate it, and a lot. Did the vacuum scare you as a child? I don't think it did, anyway. Have you or would you ever use a dating app? One of my most embarrassing secrets is that I was briefly on Christian Mingle. It makes me want to cringe into fucking oblivion. Who are you most nervous about introducing potential significant others to? My dad. He's... a character. What was the most important non-academic thing you learned in high school? That time fucking flies, so cherish every millisecond. Do you and your friends ever talk about your sex lives? Not really. Even when I was sexually active, I was private about that stuff. I don't care if others talk to me about theirs, but odds are I'm not saying much about myself. What were the best and worst interviews you’ve ever had? What made them so good/bad? I've never had a bad interview, but I mean, I've only had I wanna say four in my whole life. None were anything special either, though. Ever put someone else in the hospital? No. Have you ever sold anything on eBay? If so, what? No. What is the best surprise you have ever had? Finding a container of puppy chow underneath the Christmas tree one year. It was my parents' way of telling me we were getting a dog (which I had been nagging them about FOREVER), and next came Teddy. <3 I miss my boy. Is someone in love with you? I wouldn't know. Ever kiss someone on the first date? No. Ever sleep with someone on the first date? That's a hard no. Do you wear cologne/perfume/aftershave regularly? No. Do you snore? No, actually. Pretty astonishing for someone with such severe sleep apnea. When is the last time someone else slept in your bed? When Sara last visited. How often do you dust? Not... nearly enough as I'm supposed to. Mom gets on me about it all the time. What is the most ‘extreme’ activity you have ever done? Ha, nothing wild, I assure you. I guess riding a four-wheeler through the woods once with our former neighbors, who were good friends of ours.. Have you ever rode on a mobility scooter/wheelchair just for fun? Um, no? That's a jackass thing to do. Some people actually need those. Who’s the most controlling person you know? OH MY FUCKING GOD. OUR FAMILY FRIEND TOBEY. EASILY. She seizes control of EVERY situation, even if she has no right to be involved in it. Does anyone keep a photo of you in their purse/wallet, and if so, who? Not to my knowledge. Do you own a microphone? No. Do you enjoy trailers at the cinema? I do! I like arriving in time to see them. Have you ever been burgled? No, thankfully. Have you ever entered anything into Urban Dictionary? If so, what? No. What’s the last live performance you watched on TV? No idea. Have you ever been embarrassed to buy something from a shop? Not to my recollection. It helps that I'm not the one buying things, like ever. What’s the name of one of your friends’ dogs? Buster! :') He's a precious lil bean. Name a pet you definitely wouldn’t want. A GIANT CENTIPEDE. That's one pet in the invert community that I have ZERO interest in EVER owning. Those bitches are scary. Have you ever needed to wear a tie? If so, when/why? Nope.

#survey #surveys #random questions #lyrics: ''fuck u'' by archive

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