#i was just told by coworkers that are affected). lots of us wanted to come in at midnight to start pulling orders. cant be picked up until

[luveline]

can we please have more coworker JAMES 💜

james calls you something he maybe shouldn’t | fem

You’re feeling at a James-given mark when Sirius appears. 

You don’t know Sirius half as well as you know James nor Remus, but you’re ninety five percent sure he’s a good guy. He’s funny at lunch, whenever Remus has managed to convince you to go with them. He’s like James in terms of scandal. They like making bad jokes. Sirius really likes making Remus laugh, so he must be nice. 

“Hey,” he says, “where are they?” 

You nod toward the boss’ office. “Presenting the last of the Lang and Co.” 

“Oh, right.” Sirius moves in to James’ desk. He knocks one of his figurines over purposefully, then moves one to have its face in the other’s backside. 

“I’ll have to tell him that was you,” you say. 

“Rat. Why?” 

“He’ll think it was me otherwise, and then–” He won’t kiss me later, you’d been about to say. James has grown suddenly and enthusiastically fond of withholding affection whenever you mess with him. As a joke, of course, but you refuse to risk your lunchtime kiss. “You know what he’s like with me.” 

Sirius smiles oddly. “I do.” 

He sits at James’ desk. Ever since you and James… started whatever it is you’re doing, things have been raw for you. Maybe you’re stupid, it’s only kisses, but you’re sort of thinking it isn’t. Like, this is dating. You might not be boyfriend and girlfriend, but you’re exclusive. 

James is too good, and some small part of you doesn’t like admitting it, but the bigger part (the part that wants to kiss him and be kissed by him) knows it surely. How could you have grown to fancy him otherwise?

“Doing anything fun this weekend?” you ask. 

“Not likely,” Sirius says, tucking hair behind his ears. “We’re all helping Remus’ dad paint the house. It’s a tiny thing n’ it won’t take long, but he lives in Aberystwyth. S’gonna take hours to get there and he wants to stay up there ‘cos his dad gets lonely.” Sirius scratches his jaw. “His dad’s nice, mind. I don’t mind going up there. Just hate being stuck in the car when James is driving.” 

You won’t see James this weekend, then. He hadn’t mentioned it. “It’s beautiful in Aberystwyth. Maybe you can go to the beach,” you say. 

“That’s what I’m trying to convince them to do.” Sirius grins. 

“Not the best weather.” 

“It’s always nicer up there. We spent a lot of time up there, you know, in the summers. We ping-ponged between Remus’ house and James’ parents.” 

“Do they live there too?” you ask. 

“Nowhere near.” Sirius laughs, a deep, rich sound. “You think I’d be used to long drives.” 

“Where’s James from?”

“My parents live deep in the West Country,” James says, his hands sudden on the back of your chair. 

Fuck, you think. You had no idea he was coming, distracted by Sirius and the patter of rain against the window. “You creeper.” 

“You’re the creeper. Grilling dear Siri for details on my personal life.” James dives for a biscuit from the plastic packaging laid out on your desk and then away from you. “If you want to know where to send your fan mail, just ask me, sweetheart.” 

“How do you sneak up on me like that?” you ask. 

The space between your chair and the wall isn’t super tight, but it’s still weird to think he’d approached from the right and you hadn’t noticed. Just, James isn’t generous with details about himself and you’re too timid in your standing with him to ask. 

“Practice… Sirius, what have you don’t to my little women!” 

“I thought they were boys?” Sirius says. 

“That gives you no right to knock them over and make them do frankly obscene things to one another. This is a workplace.” James knocks Sirius out of the way, desk chair and all, to set each of his little green figurines onto their feet. The ones that are standing, that is. The sleeping one he puts back in pride of place underneath his computer’s monitor. 

“She told me not to,” Sirius says, not looking at anyone now, peering backward toward the office. “But I didn’t listen, don’t blame our sweet Y/N.” 

“I wasn’t going to.” James sends you a secret smile. 

“She wouldn’t physically withheld me if I weren’t so devilishly fast.” Sirius’ voice warms. “Hello, darling.” 

Remus huffs as he sets down a huge binder of paper. “Hi.” 

“You okay?” 

The tone he uses is so tender, so soft, you aren’t jealous of Remus but you’re not far from it, either. Remus’ frowning is quick to turn up at the sight of his meddling boyfriend. It must be nice to see someone and have them make a bad day good. 

You look up, finding James paused with a hand on his desk. He’s looking at you, impassive. 

“You okay?” you ask him. 

He squints, wrinkles his nose. “Fine. Got shouted at a bit for the reports. Bet you’re glad you have a twisted ankle.” You’re confused at first, then caught. James’ wrinkled face darkens to glare at you. “You lied?” 

“I really didn’t wanna see him today.” Your boss sucks. 

“And we did? Remus, we’ve been betrayed.” 

“James, I knew she was lying, I just don’t care.” Remus rubs his face. “Why shouldn’t one of us escape him?” 

Sirius takes Remus’ empty hand hanging at his side, picture of a concerned lover. 

James, on the other hand, steals another biscuit despite your laughing protesting and nimbly switches off your monitor. 

“Had enough,” James says. Turned away from the boys, he smiles at you playfully, hand twitching at his side like he wants to give you a squeeze. Or a shove. “Your betrayal is noted.” 

“Mm.” You take a third biscuit from your pack to offer him. 

He takes it, letting his knuckles brush under your arm before pulling away. “And filed away for a later date.” 

When Sirius has pulled Remus away for another early lunch, James retakes his chair and slides as close to you as he can be. He looks for your hand under the desk. You pretend it’s just casually there on your knee and not waiting for him to hold. 

“My dad’s family is very well off,” he says, rubbing your index finger with his thumb, “so the estate is huge. They own a lot of land, but he’s not, like, a lord or anything. You’d love it down there though, it’s nice.” 

“I bet I would.”

“Don’t look so surprised.” 

“No, I’m not, I know you’re rich.” 

“Not that sort of surprise. It would be nice to go down there together.” He can tell he’s getting ahead of himself and backtracks. “Well, this weekend I’m going to gorgeous Aberystwyth and you’re…” 

“Doing laundry.” 

“Well,” he says quietly, “maybe you can make some time Sunday night after all of that and we can get a late dinner.” 

“I thought I was in trouble over the twisted ankle.” 

“Who could be in trouble for an injury?” James sandwiches your hand in his. 

“Fake injury.” 

“Oh, my girl,” he murmurs, almost inaudible, “so honest. No punishment on account of owning up to it.” 

Great. My girl and he’s going away for the weekend. James Potter’s your personal nightmare. 

—

james coworker au

[lokigodofaces]

Don't you just love it when corporate makes your job harder on one of the craziest days in the year because they're "trying to let us have our holiday."

[emotionoitme]

under the moon

carmy berzatto x reader

final part of about a girl

masterlist

warnings: drinking & drug use (marijuana), carmy being mean, clubbing, jealousy, so much dirty talk, bdsm dom/sub undertones, oral sex (f receiving), spanking, fingering, unprotected vaginal sex, choking, lots of cursing as usual

wc: 9.2k

a/n: i am so excited for you all to read this. & sorry for the slight delay, it took me a bit longer than expected to finish! thank you so so much for your continued support on this series! i genuinely never thought people would like it so much🥺 enjoy!

foster the people - under the moon

she had begrudgingly awoken the following morning, head feeling as if it were stuffed with cotton, eyes swollen and sore. the bright morning light streams through her open blinds, soaking the room in warm sun. she groans, throwing the duvet over her completely, praying her bed would open up into a sinkhole and swallow her completely. she snakes her arm out, reaching around the nightstand for her phone, pulling it back in. she had overslept about an hour, meaning she would have to heavily compromise on her morning routine and practically sprint to work if she wanted to make it on time. she considered it shortly, but ultimately pulled up her contacts app on her phone, opting to call in sick. she scrolls, the first option being carmy. she wanted so badly to hear his voice, yet her stomach drops at the thought of him, so she quickly scrolls past the contact to find sydney’s number instead. the girl hesitates for a moment, before dialing, a point of deliberation deep within her. she wanted to be as far as away from the man as she could possibly be, the thought of his mere face bringing her a feeling of anguish. on the other hand, she wanted to bear witness to his demeanor— reassure herself that he’s as affected as she is over last night’s encounter. 

he’s probably fine, she thinks to herself, lips twisted into a frown, he’s the one who didn’t want to keep it going. she tries to push the thought away, a hot pang of regret seeping through her body. she burrows deeper into the safety of her bed, tapping the icon next to syd’s contact, bringing the phone to her ear. the line rings, once, twice, three times, then a click. 

“hello?” she hears at the other end. 

“hey, syd,” she greets, groggily, “um, i'm sorry to do this to you guys, but i can’t come in today,” she explains, clarifying, “im sick, my stomach really hurts.” it was a white lie, told out of self preservation, knowing if she saw carmy’s face she surely would feel sick. she hears sydney take a breath. 

“uhh, yeah, that’s fine. we should be fine,” she assures, continuing to ask, “are you still gonna come out with us tomorrow night?” syd pushes a piece of silverware neatly into place, finishing the last table as she watches her business partner come out from the kitchen, walking towards her. 

“tomorrow night?” the girl questions, flipping her duvet off her head for oxygen. 

sydney chides her name, “tomorrow night, tina’s birthday? drinks, dancing, i’ve been telling you about it since last thursday?” glancing at her coworker, curious about who she’s talking to. sydney mouths the girl’s name to him, carmen then gesturing to ask for the phone. 

“yes, syd, thank you! i will be there. i’m sorry i’ve been so scattered this week,” she replies, sitting up out of bed. 

“you’re fine, we can unwind tomorrow,” sydney replies, mouthing “okay, okay,” to the persistently gesturing man, “here, let me put you on with carmy,” she replies, going to hand the phone to the man. 

“no!” the other line interrupts, more frantic than she meant to sound, met with silence. “i mean,” she tries to backtrack, “i don’t want him to worry about me. don’t put me on,” the girl stumbles out. 

“welll, he’s saying that he wants to talk to you… so, i don’t really have much of a choice, okay, bye!” the chipper girl quickly tells her. 

fuck, she mentally exclaims, i should’ve just gone in if i was gonna have to talk to him anyways. 

she hears her name through the line, tone questioning, as carmy takes the phone from syd. 

“hi,” she responds to his beckon, quietly. 

“you’re calling in?” he asks, holding a finger up to syd, walking towards the back office for some privacy. she tightly closes her eyes, finding her words. 

“i, uh, don’t feel good,” she responds, tone shakier than she had anticipated. the line goes silent for a minute, the girl mindlessly fiddling with a loose thread on her comforter. 

“are you avoiding me?” comes his question, catching her slightly off guard. 

“no, carmy” she quickly defends, “i don’t feel well.”

“what’s wrong?” he asks, taking a seat in his office chair. 

“my, um,” she hesitates, “my stomach hurts.” 

he’s not sure he believes her, leaning back in the chair and running a hand over his face.

“okay,” he concedes, letting out a sigh, “just, uh, take it easy today then.” he hears her hum in agreement, pausing before continuing. 

“are you going to that club tomorrow?” carmy asks her, “for tina’s birthday?” 

she dangles her legs over the edge of the bed, mindlessly kicking back and forth. 

“are you?” she asks, eager to skip out on anything besides shutting herself safely inside and maybe putting her fingers to good use to prove carmen nonessential, the memories of his touch flooding her mind incessantly. 

“i think i have to,” he responds, “i already told syd i would,” his eyes glancing back towards the open office door. she softly smiles, knowing she was in the same boat. 

“okay,” standing and walking to her closet, looking for a  club-suitable dress, “i’ll go too, then,” a small smirk in her tone. he can’t fight the smile that breaks his face, eyebrows raising slightly. 

“carmy, my phone?” he hears from the hallway, a reminder of his surroundings, his time talking with the girl running short. 

“yeah!” he yells back to the hallway, “hey, uh, feel better today, okay? i’ll see you tomorrow night,” carmy tells the girl, watching sydney walk into the office. 

“thanks, carm. bye,” she responds, the call ending shortly thereafter. she had felt slightly guilty abandoning her shift, all for the purpose of not having to be tortured with his presence, a reminder of what had transpired the previous night. their casual encounters had quickly morphed into something else within her brain, feeling a deep sense of affection towards the man, chastising herself because she had worried about this and continued anyways. 

she makes her way to the bathroom, splashing cold water over her face, the morning chill seeping through her bones. would it be so wrong for them to keep seeing each other? they were consenting adults—albeit boss and employee— both previously oblivious to the profound magnetism of their natural connection. she wanted to pursue things with him further, increasingly affected by his caring words and gestures, no longer being able to deny the twinge in her chest she gets when picturing his face. 

but she knew he didn’t want the same. 

why would he? she thought, it isn’t what he signed up for. he seemed focused on his work, like he would have limited time for a relationship.

she opted to get a few chores done around the house, taking advantage of the day off, sticking on the thought of him, though, finding herself looking through her closet for a dress with him in mind. 

—

the space is hot, crowded, alive with movement. tickets pour from the printer one by one. 

“it goes to four cousin, for the third time,” carmy scolds, “stop fucking with the tickets already,” hands busied with removing a large pot from the burner. 

“hold on, i’m fixing them,” richie argues back, clutching a mess of paper. 

carmy paces to the walk in refrigerator, grabbing a large container and making his way through the sea of bustling employees, checking on stations. he was running on fumes, only getting a solid three hours of sleep the previous night, plagued by a swarming head and uneasy stomach.

it’s best this way, he tells himself over again, easiest, hoping that if he repeats it enough times it will start to feel true. 

“alright send these out to six, please,” he hears from the front of the kitchen, glancing over at the expo, seeing the recently plated entrees. 

“fuck, richie, four!” carmen snaps, his hand flying out. 

“jesus, alright, four!” richie yells, widening his eyes, shaking his head, continuing. “calm down, carm, she’ll be back thursday,” a snicker on his face 

carmen freezes in his spot, skin beginning to burn. his eyes dart to richie, jaw twitching. 

“shut the fuck up,” he bites, venom in his tone, trying to push himself further into his work to outlet the growing frustration. he hears the other man chuckle knowingly, glancing at carmen. 

“okay, sore spot!” richie pokes, organizing the last few tickets, smile on his face. the chef doesn’t reply, beginning to quickly chop vegetables, unsure of what would slip off his tongue if he opened his mouth. 

it was unclear to him why he was unable to regulate himself when it came to someone even mentioning her, figuring it was temporary, and would slowly dissipate once they had some distance from each other. carmy deeply exhales, glancing at the clock, counting down the hours until he would be able to see her again. 

—

it was incredible how fast days would slip by when she didn’t have to go to the restaurant, taking care of domestic matters and recharging from the strenuous week so far, not thinking of carmen.

she goes to sleep that night wearing his clothes, arms wrapped around herself as if the sensation could ever come close to his touch, waking the next morning to eagerly check a phone empty of notifications. on her second day off she works on assignments for her classes, calls an old friend and grabs herself lunch from a bagel shop nearby. upon returning home she grabs a pair of earbuds and spends a few hours outside in the sunlight, mending the cracks in her heart, falling asleep on her balcony sofa and letting the sun kiss her better. the light of the afternoon seeps into the evening, painting the city in a soft yellow blanket, the girl slowly blinking awake. she watches a few cars drive by, a warm breeze shifting the trees, slowly sitting up and stretching, checking the time on her phone. she has a few hours to get ready before meeting everyone for drinks, her body relaxing at the confirmation. her eyes glance down past the time, seeing two new messages on her screen. 

carmy: 416 s clark street

carmy: do you need a ride?

she unlocks her phone, staring at the gray bubbles for what seems like an eternity, fingers hovering over the keys. she begins to type a response, “no. gonna walk,” then quickly deletes it, knowing he would insist on driving her.  

why is he trying to be so nice still?

she feels a twinge of irritation, quickly shutting off the phone, opting to not reply to his message. he was a hard man to understand, his actions contradicting his words more often than not—declaring the two finished, then continuing to pursue contact, referring to them as a “no strings” relationship and then calling her baby and sweetheart. it was confusing more than anything, beginning to take an emotional toll on the young woman. she felt incredibly tense the past few days, mind prickling with anxieties and insecurities, desperate to feel some type of release. 

fuck him, she thinks, standing and opening her sliding glass door, going inside, i’m gonna forget about it tonight. she stalks to her closet, i’m gonna find a hot stranger and just dance, pulling out a short, skin tight club dress and holding it in front of herself, facing the mirror. she wanted him out of mind completely, settling with trying to replace his touch with someone else’s tonight no matter how much her heart objected. she puts music on, setting the dress on her bed and undresses, studying herself in the mirror for a moment before making her way to the bathroom and turning on the shower. she takes a long while to let the hot water to melt onto her skin, cherishing the white silence of the shower head. the young woman takes her time getting ready, piecing herself back together with an extensive routine. once she’s in a robe with her hair wrapped up she walks to the fridge, grabbing a seltzer with alcohol to ease the slight oncoming nerves. she meticulously does her makeup and styles her hair, shamefully wondering if carmy would like how she’s dressed up, checking her phone to see it’s time to head over. dropping her robe and zipping into the dress she had picked out for the night, the girl examines her reflection, admiring the work she had put in. she looked hot, turning to the side and checking out her profile, curves accentuated by the tight fabric. satisfied, she mists herself with perfume and grabs her heels and purse, walking to the door. she swings the heavy metal barrier open to reveal a tepid july night, air thick with moisture. she balances against the frame, slipping into her heels and sliding her purse strap over her shoulder, stepping into the dusk of the evening and letting the door lock behind her. she glances at her phone for walking directions, head slightly fuzzy from the seltzer she had drank on an empty stomach. her short walk to the club garners many gawking stares from passerby’s, surprisingly not making her feel as small as they usually seem to, the goal was to catch eyes tonight, right? 

she squints, identifying bright flickering lights in the distance, the border of the club’s sign. there were a few people dispersed outside, all either smoking or talking on the phone, or both. she brushes her hair back, walking towards the entrance when she hears her name called from behind her. 

“- yo!” turning to see marcus and angel leaning against the brick wall of the establishment. she smiles, turning and walking towards them, the distinct odor of marijuana arising from the cigarette marcus clutched in between his thumb and pointer. 

“hi,” she grins, tilling her head slightly. 

“hey,” the two respond, almost in synchronicity. marcus holds the rolled paper to her, “want some?” 

she smiles, plucking it from his fingertips and bringing it to her lips, deeply inhaling to soften the inevitable drop her stomach would endure at the sight of carmen. the ember burns quickly, and she’s surprised at the harshness. 

she hands it back with a slow exhale, thanking marcus. 

“nervous?” angel chimes in, trying to hide a smile. the girl pauses for a moment, is it so obvious? 

“i haven’t been to a club in a while,” she responds, crossing her arms. it was partially true, but she knew the real reason for the relentless fluttering in her chest. 

the man stubs the filter onto a nearby trash can, dusting his hands off on his pants. “you guys ready to go in?”

the other man affirms, pushing himself off the wall and turning to walk to the front. the girl stays behind, hesitating. 

“you two go ahead. i’m gonna air out,” she responds, leaning back, basking in the slight breeze. the men both crack a smile before walking together to the entrance, leaving the girl in her solitude. she closes her eyes for a moment, deeply inhaling the night air, listening to the reverberation of bass through the walls of the club. she feels a cloud of haze overwhelm her, the mixture of substances seeping through her in a warm glow. she hears footsteps approach. 

“hey.”

her eyes snap open, breath escaping her at the sight of carmy. he looked polished, buttoned up into a dress shirt, hair fluffy and face cleanly shaved. she nearly salivated at his presentation, the buzz she felt complicating her decision to ignore him. 

“hi,” she shortly responds, lip slightly pouted, watching as his eyes examine her, floating down her form. he snaps his eyes away, clearing his throat. 

“you, uh, get my text?” 

she nods, looking up to him, meeting his eyes with unwavering contact. he walks closer to the girl, slightly shaking his head and furrowing his brow in confusion, an unspoken gesture to elaborate. 

she looks away, arms wrapping around herself. 

“i didn’t need a ride,” she answers, “i walked.” 

carmen’s jaw visibly tightens, feeling a twinge of irritation. 

“yeah. uh, i asked because i didn’t want you walking here alone,” he explains in a slightly frustrated tone. 

“yeah, well i made it,” she retorts, aggravation bubbling beneath the surface, “so you don’t need to worry about it.” 

she didn’t know why he was getting under her skin so easily tonight, her throat suddenly feeling hot and tight, raking her eyes over the top of his chest exposed by an open button.

“well i do,” the man argues, “i don’t want you walking by yourself. anywhere,” he solidifies in a stern tone. the girl lets out a scoff. 

“you’re acting like you’re my boyfriend,” she spits, fed up with the sense of entitlement he felt over her. 

“i’m not your fuckin’ boyfriend,” he quickly asserts, tone ringing out much harsher than he intended. 

she knows this to be a fact, but still can’t help the drop she feels in her chest when he says it aloud like that. she opens her mouth to say something, then quickly closes it, biting her lip, eyes darting to the ground. he instantly regrets saying it, brushing his fingers through his hair, grabbing it, studying the girl’s dejection with a pit in his stomach. 

“whatever, carmen,” she dismisses, shoving past him. her lungs felt tight, eyes burned, mentally cursing herself, rushing to the club entrance to distance herself from the man. she shoves the door open, immediately being engulfed by sound and swarming bodies. she blinks back a few tears, deeply inhaling and exhaling, zoning into the environment. spotting the group of her coworkers at a corner table, she shufflles through the crowd to approach them. syd immediately spots the girl, calling out to her and waving. she plasters on a smile as the rest turn to watch her, all unanimously greeting the new arrival. she makes her way over to tina, hugging her and giving her a kiss on the cheek, wishing her happy birthday. she squeezes into her seat in between sydney and richie, turning to the tall man to ask, “so where’s my drink?”

richie lets out a boisterous laugh, throwing an arm around the girl.

“i don’t think you’re gonna have much of a problem getting drinks tonight, sweetheart,” he teases, as carmy approaches the table, receiving welcomes and pulling out a chair to sit. she flickers her eyes over to carmen to find he’s staring at her, quickly tearing them back away and leaning over to syd. 

“come get a drink with me. i really need it,” she pleads, placing her hand on sydney’s forearm. the other girl agrees, the two sliding out from under the table and making their way to the bar, arms linked. 

—

why did i say that? 

he watches her rush to the front entrance, his body frozen, processing the conversation. 

why did i say that?

he begins to go after her, reaching his arm out before she swiftly maneuvers the door open, slipping inside. 

why the fuck did i say that?

it wasn’t completely untrue— he wasn’t her boyfriend— something he had failed to make entirely made clear before that point. he wasn’t oblivious to the way they had grown closer, either, the thought of her nestled deeply within a sweet spot in his heart. yet he had done nothing to prevent it from happening, and once thinking of it, he finds he’s only ever done the opposite, his behavior towards the girl falling far closer to a boyfriend than a hookup. he begins following in her footsteps, opening the club door and immediately becoming overwhelmed with the number of people crowding the floor. carmy cranes his neck, watching her figure weave through the crowd and towards a corner table. he pushes through the wall of people, seeing her take her seat, approaching the table to receive greetings from his coworkers. his eyes are trained on her, wrapped into richie’s arm, smiling until she locks eyes with him. then it drops, slightly. it makes him feel sick. he turns to fak at his right and engages in conversation as he watches her rise from the table alongside sydney. she looks like a model of some type, he thinks, with dark makeup defining her striking eyes and hair tousled over her shoulder, tight black dress riding up over the skin of her thighs. he trails down her face to her neck. when she moves her hair behind her ear he can see a small purple mark left from his teeth, eyes fully fixated on the spot. the bass of the music thumps, reverberating through the club, floorboards shaking. he tries to keep up in the table’s conversation whilst simultaneously keeping a close eye on the girl, shifting to see her order at the bar through the moving bodies. she throws a shot back, grimacing at the taste, laughing while saying something to syd (he was never very good at reading lips) and raising her hand to flag the bartender once more. the table bursts into laughter, carmen’s eyes drawing back to his coworkers, watching as tina shoves richie’s hand with a smile on her face, rolling her eyes. he feels an inclination to step outside for a smoke, head buzzing with stimulation from the lively environment, wondering how long he should stay before it would be acceptable to leave. 

“oh my gosh, thank you baby,” he hears tina say, glancing over to see the girl having returned from the bar, placing a fruity drink in front of the woman. 

she smiles, returning to her seat as the current song ends, fading into the next. sydney and the girl gasp in tandem at the distinctive opening, locking eyes with each other and grinning. 

“we’re gonna go dance!” the girl excitedly calls, taking syd by the hand and navigating towards the dance floor, crowded with moving bodies. it’s hot, but fluid, the two girls beginning to move together, grinning. carmen watches her, eyes cutting through the crowd. she moves her hips, bringing her hands up her body, flashing lights illuminating her in colors. the sight was hypnotic almost, eyes trained on her, tense in his seat. she throws her hair back, circling her body, closing her eyes. 

richie leans over to him, “you, uh, sure she did just bartending over at ricky’s?” elbowing him slightly. 

carmen doesn’t respond, eyes fixated on her gyrating movements, jaw tensing, painfully aware of all the eyes she’s gathered around the club. she continues dancing after the first two songs, even when sydney makes her way back to the table in need of rest. carmy tried to not make it so obvious he was watching the girl, grateful some of his other coworkers had joined the crowd on the dancefloor, completely entranced by her movement. he tears his gaze away, standing up find the bar, eager to ease the incredible tension he felt pent up within him. she seemed to be having fun dancing, and in a way it felt refreshing to watch the girl so loose and carefree. carmy couldn’t help the sense of possessiveness he felt, though, watching her move like that, seeing the way other men looked at her, like meat. it made him sick. 

he orders a beer once the bartender makes their way over, song fading into the next. he turns to lean against the counter, eyes searching for her as he brings the bottle to his lips with a long swig. he feels a pang in his chest, as he finds her, hand on another man’s arm, leaning to whisper something in his ear. he closely watches as the man smiles, nods, placing his hands on her hips and getting closer to her. carmen’s skin immediately becomes hot, teeth clenching, taking a deep breath through his nose to try and calm himself. 

what the fuck is she doing? 

his eyebrows furrow, watching as she dances, bringing her arms up, turning, moving against the stranger. he feels physically sick, stomach churning at the way this man was touching her navel, hips, pressing himself to the back of her. carmy tightly grips the bottle, unable to rip his eyes away, the girl glistening in the light. she throws her head back against the man’s shoulder, hair draping over him, grinding to the music. her eyes find carmen’s quickly, intentionally locking gazes as she brings the strangers hands higher, up her waist, ribs, her mouth falling opening. carmen stands, knocking the barstool off balance with the force of his movement, shoving through the crowd, disregarding the dirty looks, quickly making his way to the dance floor. he grabs the girl’s wrist, pulling her from the stranger’s grasp, tightly gripping her as he walks towards the back door, dragging her behind him, feeling the struggle of her arm as she tries to pull away. he turns, putting a hand on her lower back, ushering her through the club, shoving the heavy metal door open and bringing her outside, finally letting go when the two are far from the door. he brings a hand to his hair, grabbing, turning to face the girl. 

“what the fuck, carmen?” she yells, ripping her hand away from him, “what’s your issue?” her words slightly under-enunciated. 

he bites down on his lip, meeting her eyes, hand coming to his hip. he hardly had an explanation for the girl, driven by a redhot primal jealousy, blood boiling at the sight of someone else’s hands on her, grabbing, feeling her like that. 

“what’s my issue?” he scoffs, “why the fuck were you dancing like that?” his face reddening, pulse quickening. she lets out a laugh, leaning back against the wall, gazing up at him. 

“why?” she asks, “are you jealous?” 

he shakes his head, unconsciously stepping closer to her.

“i’m not jealous,” he argues, jaw set firmly, eyes casting down onto her. 

“yeah?” she leans forward, further closing the distance between them. he nods, fixated on the droop of her eyes, the part of her lips, the way she looked up at him through her dark lashes. 

“so what if i fuck him?” she asks softly, a smirk playing on her lips, “will you be jealous then?” 

he lets out a breath, fire growing at her words.

he shakes his head, “you’re not gonna fuck him,” asserting with confidence. she tilts her head, alcohol emboldening her. 

“how do you know?” she challenges, well aware of how affected she was by his tone, his demeanor, the look in his eyes. carmy gets closer to her face. 

“because he’s not gonna fuck you like i do,” his voice deep, low, eyes boring into hers with an intensity that lights her core ablaze. the girl finds her breath hitches, mouth going dry, gaze flickering to his lips. he rests his hand on the brick behind her, leaning closer, “hear all those pretty sounds you make.” 

she shuts her eyes tightly, trying to shake her senses of the overwhelming lust she felt. she was supposed to stay angry at him, he was being an asshole. maybe it was the alcohol or the drugs, or the way he towered over her, but she felt no anger, only replaced by want, a slick ache growing at the way he seems to claim her for himself. she takes a deep breath, body feeling as if it were buzzing, head cloudy. 

“you are so fucking confusing,” she whispers, bringing her forehead to lightly touch his. he rests his hand on her lower back, relishing in the warmth of the contact, breathing in her scent. she was completely right about him, he thinks, never saying what he really means to her. if he could have what he really wanted, she would be his, only his. a girlfriend. 

“yeah,” he takes a shaky breath, “yeah. i know,” reply coming, hesitantly. “i’m sorry, -” he breathes out, her name sounding sweet on his tongue. she blinks away the tears that want to form, grabbing the fabric of his shirt, a small tremble of the lip. she opens her mouth to say something, eyes tearfully meeting his. 

the metal door creeks open, momentarily releasing the booming music out into the alleyway, breaking the trance as a few smokers congregate by the back. the girl changes her mind, mouth shutting. she releases his shirt, pulling away, stepping around the man and smoothing her appearance, pads of her fingers coming to dry a few escaped tears. he watches her try and compose herself, shivering in her small dress. his heart clenches, feeling the overwhelming need to take care of her— wrap his arm around her, lead her back to his home, dress her in more of his clothes and watch her fall asleep. he shrugs off his light jacket, walking over to her and draping it over her shoulders without saying anything. she glances up at the man, engulfed by his warmth and the smell of him, ache in her chest. 

“i’m gonna go home,” she whispers, swaying slightly. 

“let me walk you,” he offers, hand coming to her upper back. she quickly shakes her head, taking a step away from him. 

he sighs at her stubbornness, says her name. 

“you’re drunk,” he observes, “let me make sure you get there okay.” 

she hiccups, crossing her arms. 

“ ‘m not drunk,” she slurs unconvincingly. he nods, letting out a breath, hand coming to rub his face. 

“okay,” he concedes, “then, just… go back in with me for a sec. say bye to everyone.” 

she meets his eyes, consideration running over her features, then nodding slowly. he puts his hand on the small of her back, steadying her as they walk back towards the large metal door. there’s a noticeable change in temperature difference as the two enter the club again, weaving through a sea of moving bodies, carmy holding tightly onto her, ushering her forward towards the corner table. he doesn’t miss the glances from his workers at the sight of the girl wearing his jacket, a few smiles cracked, looks exchanged. he ignores it, picks his beer back up as the girl excuses herself from the event, claiming to not feel good and chalking it up to drinking too much when she usually doesn’t partake. richie, surprisingly, says nothing, eyes trained on carmen, smirk plastered over his face. 

“i’m gonna head out too,” carmy announces, “take her home.” 

richie begins loudly laughing, clapping his hands together. 

“jesus christ, i am right about everything!” he shouts, slamming his glass down onto the table. carmen’s skin begins to prickle with embarrassment. 

“hey richie,” he chimes, “shut the fuck up.” he felt unbearably tense tonight between the day’s grueling shift, the girl dancing on another man, the newfound teasing, as if he were about to implode. he was in desperate need of some sort of release. carmy watches her, tightly clad fabric stretching over her ass as she leans down to give tina a hug. he felt guilty, almost, the way he had been shamelessly gawking at her throughout the night, the act doing nothing but intensify the burning he felt bottled up within him. 

“i’m sorry i’m leaving so early, t,” he hears from her mouth, “i don’t feel very well.” 

the older woman brushes the apology away, placing a kiss on the girl’s cheek. 

“feel better, baby,” she coos, looking to carmen, “jeff, you make sure she gets into bed okay,” the command motherly in tone. he nods, coming to give tina a side hug, “ ‘night, t. happy birthday.”

—

the sidewalk pavement was in dire need of repair, cracks and bumps literally the surface, worsening the walk for people who weren’t drunk. she stumbles over a divot, instinctively grabbing onto carmy’s arm for balance, heels catching on every small crevice. she lets out a cry of frustration, stopping in her tracks. 

“this is impossible,” she exclaims, reaching down to adjust the strap of her heel, “why don’t they fix this stupid street?” 

he can’t help the way the corners of his lips twitch upwards. she was cute, even in her frustration. he crouched, slightly, leaning over, arms out. 

“c’mere,” he tells her, “jump up.” 

she falters, trying to retain independence in her drunken stubbornness, but ultimately accepts, the other option being continually tripping over herself for another mile. she puts her hands up on his shoulders, using him as leverage to boost herself up, his arms coming to wrap around the backs of her thighs. he hears her squeal, slightly, feeling as she pulls the short dress down to cover the curve of her ass. the man grits his teeth, shaking the mental image of it as he tightly grips the supple skin of her upper thighs. she’s easy to carry, surprisingly so, as he continues walking in the direction of her apartment building. a silence settles between the two of them, breaths falling in line with the gentle rhythm of his steps. she wraps her arms around him further, bringing her head to rest on his shoulder, exhale tickling his neck. he clears his throat, glancing back at the girl, seeing her closed eyes. 

“i, uh,” he hesitates, gathering his thoughts, “i fuckin’ hated seeing that guy touch you,” the confession slipping off of his tongue. he feels her smile slightly against his neck. 

“i knew you would,” her reply comes softly. he lets out a small scoff, humored by what she admits. 

“you’re a brat,” he asserts lowly, pressing his fingers into her skin. she splays her arms out, pushing her chest against his back, hand coming to rest on his bare collarbones. 

“you were being a dick,” her words ringing truthfully, resounding throughout the man, feeling a pang of guilt. 

“yeah. i know,” he agrees, eyes fixed forward, “i’m sorry.” carmen lets a cloud of silence engulf the two before vocalizing again. 

“you know, i… really do wanna be with you,” he admits gently, soul bared. she pauses, soaking in his words, feeling almost as if a puzzle piece had been pushed into place. 

“why not?” her question comes soft, sweet. he lets out a deep breath. 

“you know why,” he quietly replies, the street lamps casting their two shadows as one. she does know why, aware of the sly glances the two received, apparent judgment surrounding a relationship with the power imbalance of theirs. 

“well, i quit then,” she pouts, lips brushing against his skin, erupting him in goosebumps. he shakes his head. 

“you can’t,” comes his rejection, “we need you,” expressing the fact with utmost sincerity. she hugs her arms around him tighter, smelling his cologne, his soap, a faint trace of cigarette smoke. 

“i don’t care,” she protests in all of her stubborn glory, “i wanna be yours, carm.” 

he feels himself surrender at her words, pulling her even closer. 

“you’re mine,” he assures her, glancing back to meet her eyes, nodding, feeling warmth as if a bright light glowed from his chest. they can figure out the details later— he genuinely didn’t want her to quit, trying to remind himself it was the only way their relationship would be ethical. the man slows in pace as they approach the front of her building, letting the girl hop down, holding his hand out to steady her once her feet make contact with the ground. she gives a small smile, intertwining her arm with his, hand coming to rest on the mass of muscle as the two make their way to her building. she clutches onto him in her inebriated state as they scale the tall stairs leading up to her door. she fumbles with her keys, eventually unlocking the deadbolt and pushing the door open. she turns to face him, giving him sort of a puppy dog look, hoping he’ll want to follow her in. a smile breaks his face, studying her expression. 

“i, uh, gotta make sure you get in bed okay,” he reminds her, gesturing inside. she grins, taking his hand, pulling him inside and shutting the door. the space was illuminated with strung lights, warm in hue, mystifying the room. he takes a deep breath, wrapped in her intoxicating scent, eyes scanning the room. he primarily notices how pristine it is, cozy, fragments of her soul framed over the walls and resting on shelves. it felt like a home, more than his ever has. she sets her keys and purse on a side table, kicking off her heels and sighing in relief, trudging to the kitchen to retrieve two glasses of water. when she hands it to him he can’t help but stare, focusing on her face, the ache for her insurmountable to anything he’s ever wanted before. he sets the glass down, hand coming to her lower back, deeply looking into her, past her beauty and towards her essence. he watches as her eyes flicker down to his lips, quickly coming back to meet his gaze. he’s in awe of her, almost, bringing both hands to the small of her back, squeezing her slightly, pulling her to him with ease. she lets out a breath at the action, hand coming to his forearm, feeling the flex of his tendons. he wants her all to himself, he thinks, leaning in towards her, raising his hand to cup the side of her face. she leans into the touch, turning, pressing a kiss to the base of his thumb, bringing her other hand to rest on his, biting the skin. he grasps her face at this, shoving his thumb into her mouth. 

“suck,” he commands, voice low, watching in anticipation as she brings her lips around the digit, tongue circling eagerly, trying to take more of it into her mouth. he nearly falls apart at the sight, twitching, pulling her flush against him, dragging his thumb out of her mouth and over her bottom lip. he drops his hand to touch her neck, watching her lips, hearing his heart pound in his ears. she brings her grip to clutch onto his shirt, heavily breathing. he cherishes her expression, cheeks flushed and lips parted, glistening. carmen tightens his hand around her throat very slightly, leaning in to taste her, his lips gently pressing against hers, hearing her moan at the unexpected contact. she’s sweet, soft, eager, the slightest trace of alcohol on her lips. he hadn't realized how much he had been craving her taste until it graced his tongue, feeling almost as if a tension in him had alleviated. he wants more, tattooed fingers wrapping around her neck, pulling her into him, deepening the kiss. she melts into him, trying to keep up with the ferocity of his kiss, pushing her tongue into his mouth. he groans, bringing his hand from her back to the curve of her ass, feeling, squeezing, pulling her in. he takes his hand off her throat, her leg slightly lifts, and he takes the opportunity to hoist it up over his hip, turning and pressing her into the counter, weight of his body against hers. it feels as if something had snapped within him, wanting to claim her all to himself, grabbing whatever he can of her, getting as close as possible, lips, tongues dancing in tandem. he presses a few slow kisses to her mouth, pulling away, forehead coming against hers, eyes shut. he listens to the sound of their breath, hand on her ass, fingers teasing the hem of her panties. she arches into his touch, body tingling, hot with desire. his hand comes up, then flies back down to smack her ass, the girl takes a sharp breath, firmly gripping it again after the impact. 

“fuck,” she breathes, a hot swell in her lower stomach. he creeps his hand up the skin of her thigh, slipping under her dress, hooking his fingers into the waistband of her panties, dragging them down her legs. her face grows hot at the way he takes command, shoving at the fabric until it slides down her calves and hits the floor. she steps out of them, breath shaky, drenched in anticipation, insides of her thighs growing wet. carmy gives her a final kiss before dropping to his knees in front of her, placing a few gentle kisses around her skin. she instinctively clamps her thighs at the sensation, the man bringing his hand to shove her leg to the side, exposing her glistening heat. he lets out a soft moan at the sight, closer than he’s ever been to her core, leaning forward to softly kiss her clit. the girl lets out a cry of surprise, hand flying to his head, the simple act sending a shock throughout her body. he brings his thumb and pointer finger to part her both of her lips, taking her image in, salivating slightly in anticipation. he casts his eyes up towards her face, flushed, mouth open. he leans forward, licking a long stripe up her wetness to her clit, swirling his tongue around the bud, pulling away. she pants, fingers tangled in his hair, arching towards him, wordlessly asking for more. he groans at the taste of her, a rush to his head, his cock, immediately diving in for more, lapping at her as if she’s the finest thing he’s had in his mouth. her knees begin to go weak, trembling slightly, trying to hold onto him for support. 

“carmy,” she whimpers, “i can’t stand.” 

this breaks his focus, bringing his eyes up to her with a glint. 

“yeah?” he asks, “feel too good, baby?” a smirk growing on his face. she refuses to respond, tightly shutting her eyes and throwing her head back when he brings his thumb to slowly circle her clit, watching, gauging her reaction. he pulls his hand away, placing a small smack on the inside of her thigh, the girl gasping. 

“answer me” he growls, breath tickling her mound, leaning to press a few more kisses to her swollen heat. she lets out a whine, grabbing his hair. 

“it feels- fuck it feels so good carm,” she shakily admits, knees nearly buckling. satisfied with her answer he brings both hands to the base of her ass, lifting her with ease and setting her on the countertop. she hastily grabs his shirt and pulls him in, locking lips and tasting herself on his tongue, letting a sweet sound into his mouth. he breaks away, desperate to feel her wetness on his mouth again. he kisses the inside of her thigh, then leans in, flattening his tongue against her clit, gently lapping, a finger coming to tease her pooling entrance. she unintentionally bucks her hips at the sensation, prompting carmen to bring the length of his forearm to her inner thigh, shoving it open, holding her down. she brings her eyes to his tattooed arm splaying her open, heart pounding, trying to straighten herself, awaiting his touch. he continues his gentle licks, circling his finger around her wetness, then pushing the digit into her slowly, eyes darting up to watch her mouth fall open. he swirls his tongue around her engorged clit, then gently sucks, curling his finger deeply inside of her, beginning to establish a rhythmic motion. her pants turn to cries, pulling the man in by his curls. his hand grips the skin of her thigh, spreading her open, devouring her, pushing a second finger into her. her teeth clamp down onto her lip at the sensation, gripping around his digits, trying hard to keep her composure in front of the man. carmy, aware of this, increases the pace of his movement, pulling his mouth away from her, beginning to tease her clit with a feather-like touch of his tongue. her head falls back, smacking against the cabinet, a loud moan slipping through her lips. 

“please,” she pleads, not sure for what, arching into carmen’s motion, hands grabbing whatever she can of him, the knot inside her stomach growing impossibly tight. he wants to feel her cum— clench around his fingers, see how long he can keep fucking into her until it’s too much— but he refrains, pulling his fingers out, soaked with her juices, standing up. her head jerks up to meet his eyes, panting, flushed, frustrated. 

“whyy?” she whines, trying to pull the man back to her. he lets out a scoff, smirk creeping at the edges of his lips, hands on the tops her thighs, gripping. 

“you think i’m gonna let you cum?” he asks, voice low, coming close to her face, “after that shit you pulled in the club?” 

her lip pouts, face heating at his words, held down by his weight, trying to catch her breath. the girl opens her mouth to argue back, but decides against it, just wanting to feel him— leaning forward to kiss him softly, hungrily, hands coming to feel the muscles of his chest. he melts into the kiss, hands wrapping around her back. 

“you don’t care, huh?” carmy teases between kisses, “just want me to keep touchin’ you,” pressing himself between her thighs, deepening their contact. she nods into the kiss, greedily reaching her hands down to pull his shirt up. he pulls away from her, taking it off completely, groaning as the girl runs her hands up his bare abdomen, then gently rakes her nails down, admiring the way his muscles flex under her touch. he grows a bit impatient, decides to pick her up, her legs coming to wrap around his back, carrying her to the bedroom. she grins at the way he holds her, hands gripping both of her ass cheeks, leaning down to kiss his neck in the short walk. when he drops her onto the plush duvet of her bed he leans over her, fingers grasping the side zipper of her dress, slowly pulling it down to reveal the skin of her ribcage, waist, stopping right above her hip. they lock eyes and he searches her face for any signs of hesitation, finding only blown pupils and flushed cheeks. he grabs the hem of the dress, slowly pulling it down her body to expose her breasts, waist, stomach, pelvis, letting the fabric fall over her ankles to the floor. his eyes drink her in, sparks firing in his brain, bringing his hands to grasp her waist, thumbs resting over her stomach. carmy leans in, deeply kissing her, savoring her warmth, then rises, unbuckling his belt. she props herself up onto her elbows, watching the man slowly unbutton his pants, pull the zipper down. she lets out a heavy breath at the sight of the large bulge behind his briefs, straining against the cotton, curved upwards to the right. she sits up, inching towards the edge of the bed, seated in front of the man, gazing up at him in adoration. 

“can i take these off?” she asks softly, fingers coming to hook into his briefs, pulling them slightly to reveal the deep v-line in his hips, light brown hair leading down to his covered pubic bone. her mouth was almost watering, looking up at him in anticipation. he grins at her eagerness, raising his eyebrows slightly, nodding his head, giving her permission to slip the waistband down over his hips, cock slapping against his stomach when she does so. she immediately grabs the length of his dick, heavy in her hand, giving it a few slow strokes, watching as he closes his eyes, breathing out heavily. her head feels fuzzy, wanting nothing more than for him to shove her back onto the bed and fill her completely, continuing to marvel at his thickness. he brings his hand to stroke the side of her face, fingers coming over her ear and threading through her hair, watching intently as she slowly jerks him off. she clenches her thighs together in an attempt to alleviate the growing ache, running out of patience. 

“carm,” she whines, gripping his cock, gazing up at him, handsome face framed by a few messy curls, “i want it already.” 

he lets a small smirk grace his face, rubbing his thumb against her cheek. 

“yeah?” he asks, watching the girl quickly nod, bringing his face closer to his, lowering his voice, “you know i’m gonna fuckin’ wreck you tonight, right?” 

she heats at his words, eyes widening, an expectant shiver making it’s way through her body and settling throughout her core. he doesn’t let her respond, grabbing her thighs and pulling her, back coming to the mattress, pelvis flush with his. he bends her legs into her chest, leaning over her, the tip of his cock briefly gracing her wetness before he brings his hand down to grip himself, running the tip through her slick folds, sliding up to nudge her clit. she tightly shuts her eyes, lets out a quiet moan at the sensation— almost enough to satisfy, but not quite. he continues thrusting through her folds, listening to the wet sounds, coating himself in her juices. she tries to resist the urge but she can’t, reaching down, grabbing his cock and sticking it inside of her, legs coming to wrap around his back to pull him in. 

“fuckk,” he exclaims loudly, not expecting her desperation, suddenly engulfed in her warmth. he groans, trying to compose himself, bringing his hand to her throat, leaning in, pushing his hips forward to the hilt. she whimpers, cherishing the slight burn of fullness as he tightens his grip around her throat. 

“this what you wanted?” he asks, voice gruff, fully draped over her, nuzzling a kiss under her ear. the way he speaks to her ignites a flame, emboldening her slightly. her eyes gleam. 

“no,” she breathes, “i want you to fuckin’ move,” words laced with a tone. he lets out a short laugh, straightening, grabbing both her calves and propping them up over his shoulders, drawing out of her and then quickly snapping his hips forward. she gasps, hand flying up to her mouth. she feels the ridge of his head drag against her walls as he graciously begins to thrust into her, hands wrapped around her legs, eyes coming to watch her breasts bounce in time with his rhythm. her hand falls away from her mouth, a loud cry pouring from her lips. carmen revels in the sound as he continuously drives his hips forward, skin slapping against hers, gripping her left calf, turning to press a kiss into her ankle. his pace begins to satiate the relentless burn within her core, trying to take his length as deeply as possible.

“so good,” she whimpers, bringing her hands to her breasts, squeezing. carmy groans, slapping her outer thigh. 

“where’d that attitude go?” he asks, pelvis flush against her, pulling closer, “huh?” 

her brows furrow, opening her mouth to argue but falling short, a breathy moan replacing her words at the sensation of him deeply fucking into her. her body feels incredibly hot, nipples perked beneath her fingers, feeling herself approaching an edge. he grins, moving his hand to grip at her thigh, eyes scanning over the sight in front of him. 

“so fuckin’ pretty,” he tells her, hips stuttering, trying to push away his quickly approaching orgasm. he pulls out of her, the girl’s eyes shooting open to object. carmy takes hold of her forearms, pulling her to stand, grabbing her hips and turning her around, pushing her forward. her knee comes to the bed, balanced on her other leg as he wraps his arm around her waist, hand on her ribcage and inserts himself back into her tightness. 

“yes,” she cries, arching back against him and bringing her hand onto his arm, feeling the head of his cock thrust deeply upwards. the tingling in her core grows stronger; her head falls back onto his shoulder. carmen grunts, his free hand coming to find her clit, rubbing small, soft circles, feeling himself unravel at the intense pulse of her walls. he kisses her cheek, relentlessly pounding into her, the crescendo of her moans driving him higher and higher. his lips come right next to her ear, breath ragged. 

“you my girl?” he asks, another kiss on the side of her face, bringing his hand from her ribs to her breast, gently squeezing. 

she nods quickly, arm coming behind her to grab his hip, feeling him, tangible beneath her fingers. 

“all yours,” she pants, “i’m all yours, carm.” 

he groans at the sentiment, bottoming out inside of her, quickly circling her clit as her arousal grows slick on his fingers. she feels herself tumbling towards her edge, trying to physically hold onto him so as to not climax, fingers gripping into his skin. 

“i’m-,” a cry falls from her mouth. he pulls the two even closer, wetness pouring from her at the continual thrusts, feeling the cues of her body approaching climax.

“let it go, baby,” he coos, lips pressed against her ear. with his simple command she feels an intense heat envelop her body, orgasm crashing against her like a wave. she goes limp in his arms so he grabs her tighter, bending her over the bed. her thighs begin to shake as carmen relentlessly snaps his hips, watching her intently, feeling a white hot pleasure seep through him. he’s ferociously grabbing at her, pulling her in as he approaches his edge, stutter of his hips as he bottoms out and releases himself into her with a loud groan. she feels the pressure of his cum against her walls, intense heat diffusing as she rides out the shocks of her orgasm. he collapses over her, hand coming to the bed, trying not to put his full weight upon her. their labored breaths harmonize, hearts pounding. carmy runs a hand over her lower back, soothingly rubbing the limp girl. he pushes himself up, straining to grab a tissue off her nightstand to clean with, the act of pulling out of her releasing a constant pressure, the girl whimpering. he soaks up the mess of cum dripping down her legs, drinking in the sight, then rises to throw the tissues away. she’s able to muster the energy to push herself up and stumble behind him, walking into the bathroom to turn on the shower, steadying her shaky legs by holding onto the wall. she turns to see the man, naked in all his glory, approach her, placing his hands on her hips and leaning in to kiss her deeply. she seeps into his touch, hand coming to graze his lower stomach, exhaling slowly. he lets a peace wash over the two before speaking. 

“so, uh, i’ll take this as your two weeks notice, then?” he teases, hand falling to her low back. she tilts her head to the side. 

“what? you mean i don’t get a promotion after that?” she asks, smiling, trying to feign disappointment, “fuck.”

he grins, adoringly gazing down at the young woman, bathing in the light of her smile. 

he knew it was never supposed to go so far. it was never supposed to end up in this position, with her leaning in for another kiss, him greedily accepting. she was his completely now, the man making a vow to never let anything or anyone hurt her, cherishing the feeling of her warmth under his fingertips. 

it was never supposed to go so far, but it did. and he was so fucking glad it did. 

—

eeeek i hope you liked it!! i genuinely enjoyed writing this story so much. an epilogue to wrap up some loose ends is possible in the future- in the meantime i'll be posting some steamy carmy headcannons.

please leave me a comment and let me know what you think! thank you SO MUCH to everyone for the continued support on this series <3

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA for not picking my brothers side against our mother?

Some background information:

My brother (let’s call him Collin) is trans (20m) We come from a relatively Catholic (we aren’t religious but the influence is deffo there) conservative country and have been living in the USA for most of our lives. My mother definitely can’t be considered LGBTQ allies, although they are much more understanding than some of the people here, especially in the south— which is impressive considering where we come from. She is TERRIBLE with using the correct pronouns for Collin, so much so that he doesn’t contact her much anymore. I’ve never tried to get him to do otherwise— it’s his choice, and I still respect him. I can understand it. Shortly before he moved away, he’d rant to me about her. I was pretty good with listening and giving advice/support for the first few years, but towards the end of high school (when the school work stress was piling up, along with other external family issues), it started to weigh on me. I wanted (and still want) to be someone Collin can confide in, but I still love my mother. She has made improvements with her close-mindedness, even if they aren’t huge steps. Whenever I try to give reasons for her behavior or just try to get them to get along, he accused me of siding with her. A lot of his perceptions of her seem warped these days, too. Like a while ago he was talking with me via text about one of his friends/coworkers (who is gay). He told me not to mention to our mother that this friend is gay— this friend, by the way, is fully out and married. A few months later I slipped and mentioned it to my mother (she had suggested that this friend probably likes this woman we know and I said “no mom he’s gay!”). And she didn’t really react? She just bluescreened for a moment (the trademark “confused boomer pause”) and went on with the conversation. I’ve had a lot of talks with her about LGBTQ issues, and I’ve actually managed to get her to consider the fact that homophobia may stem from religion (she is a very science>religion kind of person). She wholeheartedly believes that LGBTQ issues should not be politicized. (Not an ally, not an enemy.)

anyway, all this to say that Collin has a very 2D impression of her. Last year I went to pick him up at the airport, and mom called while we were in the car to remind us to stop by [store] and pick something up. When the call ended, Collin snorted and said something like “the bitch couldn’t have just sent a text?”

I told him, a bit snappishly, to shut up. He looked surprised and I felt bad, but I told him that I didn’t want any in part in the conflict and that he should stop bringing me into it.

I was also kind of pissed at him at the time for posting the story of an argument between our mother and I (my period was a month late, she thought I was pregnant*— not even an argument she was just annoyingly suspicious for a week or two) online. He changed names for privacy, but there were people who knew who he was so it wasn’t that hard to figure out who his “sister” was. Since I never gave him permission to share it with anyone, I asked him to take it down. He did eventually. but I guess that could be for another AITA post.

*I have never dated or shown interest in dating anyone.

Overall, I feel that he has the right to argue/have a bad relationship with our mother. But I also have a right to let it affect me without being labeled as a bad or traitorous sister.

What are these acronyms?

[papermint-airplane]

I'm really not doing well guys. Tl;dr my life sucks a lot. That's all you need to know.

My job is still jerking us around on the layoffs. They started in October of last year with "we're selling the department and laying everyone off in February" then when March rolled around and nothing had happened yet, told everyone "lol just kidding the buyer dropped out". So a lot of people quit because this clown company just told everyone it was willing to sell their jobs out from under them and didn't give a shit who was affected or how.

My job is not a job that can function when short staffed. It was already short staffed before they pulled this fakeout layoff shit and now we're lucky to have two people scheduled at any given time. They're paying thousands in overtime, begging people to come in even for a couple of hours on their days off because we don't have enough people to cover one shift, let alone the three they need because the department is 24/7. Customers are rude and entitled. I've been threatened, I've been called horrible names, I've been told I'm a shit human being and don't deserve to live. I'm not allowed to hang up on them. I'm expected to sit there and just take it and not say anything. Most days, we're so busy that I can't take my daily fifteen minute break or even get up to go to the bathroom. And that's only scratching the surface of what goes on at my job.

I have had a history of overworking myself in that job and everyone knows it. I've had literally hundreds of public panic attacks, three full-on mental breakdowns where I was screaming and literally tearing handfuls of my hair out in front of my coworkers from stress, ended up in the hospital twice because I thought I was having a heart attack, and took off three months in 2020 to check myself into an inpatient mental healthcare facility all the way across the country. I have had countless meetings with my supervisors and their supervisors and HR about the toxic work environment and shitty management. I had to beg them to take me off my 8 day rotation (four days of ten hour shifts, four days of eight hour shifts, all in succession with no days off in between) because I started shaking and laughing uncontrollably around day 6 because I was having a literal fucking breakdown. I have literally had to be taken away from work in an ambulance before.

On top of my anxiety being the worst it's ever been (and that includes when I lived with my abusive father), my depression has gotten so bad that all I can do nowadays is work and sleep. Sometimes I don't even get fully in the house before I pass out because I'm so exhausted. I have woken up on my living room floor after work more than once. I told them that I could no longer work shifts like that nor could I take overtime for my own mental health. And they still act like I'm lazy because I don't work 14 hour shifts daily. Bitch, I'm barely holding it together with my weekly 40 hours, and I'm expected to work every Thanksgiving and Christmas but that's just not enough. Nothing I do is enough. And now I don't even have enough energy for the few things I have that I still enjoy. Want to know why my Sims story is on hiatus? Because I have to force myself to do literally anything other than sleep. My house looks like a disgusting hoarder's nest because I can barely move on my days off. I cry all the time. I can't stand to be touched. I shower excessively because I feel filthy when I come home from work in a way I can't adequately articulate. My eczema is so bad that my neck and face are literally covered in bloody red rashes. I look horrible. I feel worse. I have gained over 150 lbs since starting that job in 2006. My thyroid is busted. Some days, I truly believe that I died long ago and this is my own personal Hell.

Now they're telling us that "we definitely have a buyer for the department and all the contracts have been signed". They said there'd be a transition period, after which we'd be laid off but we'd be told when the transition period begins. Now, we got an email telling us we're halfway through the transition period and are probably getting laid off in August "but we don't know when in August, so stay tuned." At this rate, I'm likely to show up one day and be told to go home. I have no idea when that will be and I have no way to know how to prepare.

The only reason I'm still putting up with this bullshit is because...well, to be honest, I've put in a lot of applications and got absolutely no replies. I'm an unemployable useless sack of shit. My company is at least giving us a really good severance package. I'm getting 17 weeks of pay (one week for every year I've worked there) plus another four weeks of pay, plus a $1000 bonus for staying through the transition period. I think I will also qualify for unemployment. I'm trying not to freak out but I don't know what I'm going to do when my severance runs out. I have only had two jobs in my entire life: a grocery store job when I was a teenager for 3 years and this job that I've had for nearly 18 years. My resumé is one page. I have no skills outside of this job. I'm never going to get hired anywhere that's going to pay me anywhere near what this hellhole of a job paid me.

I truly wish I were brave enough to kill myself but I'm not. I keep living and it keeps getting worse and I'm bombarded with hundreds of news articles and Tumblr posts every day telling me how the world is falling apart around me, so even if by some miracle I manage to find a job that pays me enough to fucking live, I don't have a future anyway. I'm almost 40 and I keep waiting for my life to begin but it never does. And it never will. I will never be happy. I will never be safe. I don't deserve happiness. I don't deserve safety. My own fucking parents hated me from the moment my mom read the lines on her pregnancy test. If my own parents can't love me, nobody can. I'm on medication and in therapy but sometimes, I wonder if it's doing anything at all. You can't fix what's wrong with me. I was just born wrong. And no matter where I go or what kind of job I end up in, the same shit will just keep repeating over and over and over because that's all I deserve. I'll just keep on hurting until global warming or war takes me out and I end up in real Hell.

In an hour, I'm going to regret writing any of this and probably delete this post. Because I'm supposed to take it and not say anything.

My Sims are the only thing that gives me any comfort anymore. Even then, I don't have the energy or attention span to do the things I want. I'm just as irrelevant on Simblr as I am in real life. If I disappeared tomorrow, nobody would notice.

[ordinaryschmuck]

Full Family AU Part 21

"She's so adorable!" Shouted one of Camila's older coworkers, a stout, gray-haired woman named Krystal Katz. Within seconds of walking in with Vee, all eyes from Camila's coworkers went right to the little girl clinging to Camila's legs. Krystal was the first to run over and give Vee's cheeks a little pinch, much to Vee's discomfort.

"Could you take it easy, Krystal?" Camila asked nicely. "She's...skittish with new people."

"Oh, sorry, Cami!" Krystal backed away, with Vee looking much more relaxed now. "Who is that little cutie?"

"And why is she with you?" asked Tanya, an intern with a blue dyed hair.

"Well, uh..." Camila put a hand on Vee's little head and rubbed it for comfort. Whether it was comfort for herself or for Vee, she wasn't sure. "She's...my daughter--Or, at least, she will be. Eventually."

"That...leaves me with more questions," Tanya noted.

"You see, me and Manny were planning to...adopt," Camila explained. "We always wanted a second kid, but after all the chemotherapy his...little soldiers, you could say, all called it quits. So adoption was the only way to...have more kids."

"Really?"

"Really," Camila said.

'Sort of...' She thought. 'The chemo did affect him that way and we were discussing adoption...'

Camila looked down at Vee, who looked back up at here with an unreadable expression.

'We were just aiming for someone younger...'

"Aw, so you've adopted this nice little lady?" Krystal asked.

"Yes--Well, sort of." Camila returned her attention to her coworkers. "I mean, yes, we're adopting her, but we're just...finalizing some things. It's a whole, long, and emotionally draining process that's...too complicated to go through now. So, instead, I'm taking Vee here to the break room so she can color and doodle. Just like Luz does when she visits. So if you have any more questions, please save them for later. I am just...so tired from this whole thing."

She then took Vee's hand and walked off to take her to the back.

"Okay, bye, Cami!" Krystal called. "And bye, you little darling!"

Camila only waved as she and Vee walked out. After coming to the break room, a nice place with a single table, counter, and a fridge, Camila sat Vee down right at the table.

"I'm going to have to ask you to stay right here for me, okay?" Camila calmly told her. "If you need me, or if you feel unsafe, just scream 'CAMILA,' and I'll be right over. I promise."

Vee didn't say anything. She just wrapped Manny's jacket around her some more.

"Vee? What's wrong?"

"I'm sorry for making things emotionally exhausting," Vee quietly said.

"You've got to stop apologizing, Bebé," Camila said with a sigh, patting Vee's shoulder. "Not everything is your fault, least of all this situation. And don't mind what I said earlier. I was just...playing things up so they could hopefully stop asking so many questions. I'm not so good with creativity. That's Manny's department. So coming up with what to tell them all was...difficult. I just said stuff that's mostly true."

"So it's mostly true that you're exhausted?"

"I'm exhausted in a lot of ways, not just with you." She gave Vee a quick hug. "I pinkie promised, remember? You're never going to be a problem, and you definitely aren't one now."

Vee let out a calming breath, feeling lighter. And, once again, warmer. Camila then stood up and went to the counter, opened a drawer, and pulled out a sheet of paper and some colored pencils.

"You can use these to entertain yourself," Camila said, handing the pseudo art supplies to Vee. "I'll check in on you every ten minutes and there's a TV we have right up there."

She pointed at the top left corner of the room, where a small TV, dusty was hung up.

"It's old and doesn't play sound but I can still turn it on if you ever want to watch something."

"I'm good for now..." Vee took one of the colored pencils and the paper. "Thank you."

"Enjoy yourself, Mi--Bebé," Camila said, quickly correcting herself on the fly. And instead of focusing on what was almost said, Camila chose to ruffle Vee's hair a bit and walk out to start her shift, leaving the little one to her art.

[specialagentlokitty]

McGee x reader - approval

McGee x Tony's twin Reader - Reader and McGee go on a date but McGee doesn't realise who Reader's brother is until Tony finds out - @mxacegrey 💜

Sitting at the small table, you smiled as you watched the nervous man walk over and you laughed a little as he fumbled with his chair before taking a seat.

“Timothy calm down, it’s okay.” You laughed softly.

He smiled sheepishly and nodded his head.

“Sorry.. I.. I. Don’t do this much..” he mumbled.

You reached over and placed your hand in his, giving it a gentle squeeze.

“You’re doing great, just breathe.”

He nodded and took a few deep breaths to calm himself down before the pair of you settled into a light conversation.

Once his nerves had washed away, he started to grow a little more confident but he kept it respectful for you.

You guys had dinner and you’re ere wondering the mall, hands brushing against each other as you looked for something else to do since the evening was still young.

“Hey you ever played arcade games?”

“Yeah, I used to.” Tim nodded.

“Wanna play some?” You beamed.

Looking at your smile, he couldn’t help but say yes. Your smile had that affect on him, the moment he saw it he couldn’t help but agree to whatever you were planning.

Whether it was something nice and relaxing, or something so absurd he was sure you’d make a great government agent, Timothy McGee just couldn’t say no to you.

“Oh my brother is staying with me by the way, so when he drop me off he might be there but you can just ignore him.” You smiled.

“Right I still haven’t met your brother yet…” he mumbled.

“Don’t worry he’s harmless honestly.” You smiled.

You had told him a bit about your family but not, you explained you were distant from them since you lived with your moms side of the family while your twin brother stayed with your dad.

Tim turned his attention back to you on the game and smiled, resting his arms on the back of the chair you were sat on as he watched.

You were amazing at racing games, he was brilliant at shooting games, but anything in between you both sucked at.

After a few more hours of playing games, you both decided it was time to head home, and like the gentleman Tim was he drove you home and walked you up to your apartment.

“Wanna come in for a bit? I’ve got some books I want to show you.” You smiled.

“Sure, I’d like that.” He smiled back.

You led him in and hung up his jacket before leading him into the living room and telling him to wait there.

While he was waiting, he heard someone walked over and turned around only to jump up when he saw who it was.

“McNerd? What’re you doing here?” Tony asked.

“I’m waiting for my partner, why’re you here?”

“Apartment works.”

Tim blinked before finally putting two and two together.

“You’re (Y/N)s brother?!” He whisper yelled.

Tony blinked, still trying to piece it together, which in his tired state was taking a lot longer than he would’ve liked to admit, but he finally realised what was going on.

“Oh my god… you’re dating my twin?!”

Both men freaked out a little bit before calming down.

Tony walked over, putting Tim in a headlock as he pulled him into a different room and let him go.

“You’re the one they’ve been seeing a few times a week?” Tony asked.

“Yes! Where else do you think I’ve been going!?”

“I don’t know, some geek thing?!”

Both of them were freaking out, neither of them had put it together before.

Tim was freaking out he was dating his friends twin, and Tony was freaking out you were dating his geeky coworker.

After a moment Tony peaked his head out and hold a finger up to you telling you to wait there.

Closing the door again, he turned to Tim.

“Don’t kill me…”

“Relax McGee, I’m not gonna kill you. If I’m being honest there isn’t anyone better I could ask to date them.” Tony sighed.

Tim blinked a little a little.

“Seriously?”

“Yeah I mean come on, you’re a federal agent. I know you’ll look after them, now get out there.”

Tony pushed Tim out the door before following behind him, making his way back the way he had originally came from and Tim sat next to you.

He looked at you rambling on about the books and he smiled to himself.

You and Tony were so different, and he was glad he had your brother’s approval which was hard to get he knew that for a fact.

Listening to you going on about one of the books, and simply just sat there admiring you

[deathmetalunicorn1]

I’m sorry if this request is odd but contrasting duos makes me laugh every time. Beelzebub with a sweet, cottage core looking s/o that’s basically a cinnamon roll. Like the other gods are bamboozled to see her on the arm of Beelzebub who has his dark and gloomy appearance with the dangerous work he does. She’s capable of being terrifying with her power but she’d rather be happy with her husband, even if she seems like a airhead (she’s not dumb at all, she’s very smart, she just gets lost in happy thoughts a lot lol)

-Soft humming was heard as your hips swung back and forth to the tune only you could hear, dicing up some more apples and throwing them into the large pot of cinnamon caramel you had prepared earlier, preparing to make canned apple pie filling (I made this last year and it hands down was so delicious, so many of my coworkers ate it straight from the jar, let me know if you want the recipe J).

-The front door opened, and you turned as Beelzebub physically sagged, inhaling deeply as he took in the scent of your baking and hearing you humming.

-He dragged himself into your kitchen and a smile spread across his lips, seeing a small smudge of flour on your cheek, from when you were prepping the pie crusts ahead of time.

-A warm smile spread across your lips as your eyes closed for a moment, “Welcome home!”

-His arms encircled your waist, hugging you from behind and his head rested on the back of your shoulder, a deep sigh of relief leaving him, “Smells good in here.”

-You giggled softly, adding the last of the apples to the boiling sugar mixture before stirring, “They’ll be done soon, and I’ve got one pie for us in the oven already.”

-He nuzzled you, hugging you just a bit tighter, “How’d I get so lucky to get you in my life.” You giggled again, but didn’t answer, as you both knew you were more than happy being together, even if others couldn’t understand how dark and broody Beelzebub got the very definition of a human cinnamon roll.

-One hour later Beelzebub was enjoying his second slice of pie while you were getting the basket of canned pie mix ready to head over to see Persephone and Hades.

-Beelzebub pouted softly, “Do we have to go?” he didn’t like parties or anything with large gatherings, which you understood, while he knew you were a social butterfly, “Just for a bit. Persephone told us that we could come early, before everyone else arrives, so we can sneak out.”

-He sighed deeply, “Thank you~ Persephone!” your giggles were music to his ears before he polished off his pie.

-He took the basket from you and gave you his other arm, not letting you do any heavy lifting since you did all the work making the dessert for Persephone’s autumn party, a celebration for when she returned to Hades for the year, turning it into a massive harvest party where everyone brings yummy treats and parties.

-Hades wasn’t one for parties either, but he always did enjoy celebrating getting his wife back from her mother.

-The massive market of harvested fruits and vegetables as well as baked goods was always a sight for sore eyes and Persephone hugged you close, a bright smile on her lips, “Yes! You always make the best apple pie mix!!”

-Beelzebub and Hades stood off to the side while you wandered the stalls with Persephone, enjoying spiked apple cider, enjoying the moment of quiet before everyone else arrived.

-Later, while you were walking home, Beelzebub carrying your basket you had filled with some veggies, holding onto his arm.

-He smiled down at you, pressing a soft kiss to the top of your head and you beamed up at him, enjoying the soft affection. You didn’t care what anyone else said, Beelzebub was the sweetest man you have ever had the pleasure of knowing.

-The two of you wanted to be together forever.

[iamcxlleigh]

𝐌𝐀𝐊𝐄 𝐀 𝐖𝐈𝐒𝐇 | 𝐜𝐫𝐢𝐦𝐢𝐧𝐚𝐥 𝐦𝐢𝐧𝐝𝐬 𝐱 𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐫

𝐂𝐑𝐈𝐌𝐈𝐍𝐀𝐋 𝐌𝐈𝐍𝐃𝐒

𝐬𝐢𝐭𝐮𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧 ⨟ since you joined the team, you have felt as if you were part of a family, no matter how much time passes you will always consider the Bureau as your home and the team as your safe place, your family.

𝐚𝐭𝐭𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧 ⨟ no warning of any kind, just a little love and affection from the team for you. 🤍

𝐧/𝐚 ⨟ english is not my native language, an apology for any grammatical or spelling errors.

(the reader has a default name, I do not use y/n).

The elevator doors opened letting you cross the corridors of the building until you went through the glass doors that went directly to your work area, you had received a call from Hotch indicating that you should go quickly to the office, they required all of you at that moment.

In the middle of the night three days after your last case, it was really amazing how after dealing with one problem, another bigger one came along.

And to top it all off, on your birthday. Which hadn't turned out to be much fun, spending your first birthday since moving to Quantico alone, with no family or friends to see you.

You hadn't shown up to work today to finish up some things for your move and you told Hotch, even though it was the real reason, deep down you didn't feel like going anywhere, you received congratulations from your friends and family from a distance but none from your coworkers, it was a little disappointing.

Everything was dark except for a few lights and lamps on the desks, your desk was empty, while Reid's, Morgan's and Elle's still had papers and their suitcases nearby.

— Hello? — You called, but no one seemed to be around, just the empty noise of the air ducts.

It would already be eight months since you joined the FBI and joined the BAU, being a little younger than your colleague Spencer Reid, you managed to mesh more quickly with him and empathize a lot with JJ, then the trust became mutual with Elle, Morgan and Garcia, until finally gaining the acceptance and respect of Hotch and Gideon.

It was quite a process, but you fought to get to where you are and you were proud.

You went to Garcia's cave and upon entering you found the monitors turned off and no sign of her, you were going to peek into Hotch's office until he found you roaming the halls looking for everyone.

— Hotch, what are you-

— James, come on. It's urgent — Your superior interrupted you looking at you sternly, indicating with his hand the way back to your area, Hotchner seemed in a hurry and really serious.

— Yes, sir — You answered without wanting to waste any more time, you walked behind Hotch noticing that both his office and Gideon's had the lights off, surely this case came as a surprise.

He stepped forward and opened the door to the boardroom where the big round table was, he stood at the door leaving it open to let you in, the moment you did you opened your eyes with great surprise not knowing what to do.

— ¡Happy Birthday, Connie! — Garcia, JJ, Reid, Elle and Morgan spoke enthusiastically when they saw you, Penelope smiling ran to your side to hug you, and everyone present with a warm smile applauded you, well except for Gideon who looked on with a small smile in silence, as did Hotch.

You looked at a birthday cake on the table with white and pink cream with sparkles of all colors, with several candles, in the middle two candles with the number 23.

— Wow, guys — You hugged Penelope back with so much affection that you could melt her - It wasn't necessary, this is-.

— It was JJ's idea, she bought the candles — Derek said approaching you with the same birthday hat that Reid wore for his birthday, he put the hat on your head and put his arm around your shoulders and walked you into the living room.

— But Hotch was the first to remember your birthday — JJ laughed before giving you a warm hug when Morgan removed his arm.

— Garcia and Morgan had the plan of not calling you today to make you think we forgot — Aaron spoke walking beside you with a slight smile, you looked at your boss before laughing.

— Reid and I picked the cake — Next was Elle who pointed to herself and then to Spencer with a smile.

— Yes and thanks to Gideon we knew which one was the right one, he told us your favorite flavor — Spencer continued, you directed your gaze to Jason who was sitting in one of the chairs at the table, with a questioning look, you had never told any of them your favorite flavor.

— Chocolate — It was the only thing Jason said when he saw your look, you looked so surprised that everyone noticed it and laughed.

You forgot for a moment that you were working surrounded by expert profilers.

— Well! James has to blow out the candles for us to eat the cake — Morgan said, taking a lighter out of his pocket.

JJ lifted the cake in his hands as the candles were lit, Morgan put his arm around your shoulders as he whistled animatedly, Penelope and Reid stood on your left side and Elle at the other end surrounding you as they applauded.

Gideon got up from his seat and also took the detergent to approach you putting on his reading glasses, and Hotch still beside him with his little smile as he crossed his arms.

— Before I make my wish, I thank you very much for this, really — You spoke looking at all of them infinitely grateful, even your eyes got a little watery because of some tears that were showing.

— Don't cry honey, you have earned it. We all love you very much — Penelope spoke, feeling that she was getting sentimental too.

— Penelope is right, sweetheart — smiled Morgan, lowering her eyes a little to look at you.

— Now, make a wish, Connie — said JJ, holding the cake a little closer to you in his hands.

You looked at them all one last time, before closing your eyes and thinking very well about your wish, full of happiness.

You thought as you clasped your hands together on your chest. . .

— Did you make your wish? — JJ spoke, you nodded smiling before blowing out the candles, immediately you heard everyone's applause and some laughter.

As you opened your eyes you watched as JJ grabbed a knife he brought from home to start chopping up the all chocolate cake with some strawberries on top and the two birthday candles with your newly turned age on them.

Sitting at the big round table with some gifts for you on it, You smiled looking at them all who were also sitting at their stations, happy to celebrate the birthday with you.

— It remains to give you the gift from me, James — said Rossi, rising from his chair, quite anxious to give it to you.

— Oh Rossi, you didn't have to — You answered arranging your dark polo sweater, you laughed when you saw him leaving the room.

— You know how he is, he loves to give gifts and see the person's reaction — Luke laughed from his chair, you both laughed at his comment finding truth in his words.

— Come on! I think it's cute — Garcia said hitting Alvez's arm, he was standing behind the brunet with his phone taking pictures, the good light of the day helped a lot.

— Garcia, try to get them all right, 50 out of 100 pictures you take come out blurry — Said Emily going to JJ's side to help her distribute the pieces among you, everyone laughed at what Prentiss said.

She grabbed her gray hair in a ponytail and took two pieces for Luke and Penelope.

— Don't forget to save a piece for Tara, she's running late today — You told JJ wanting everyone to have a piece of your birthday cake.

— I'm not forgetting, Connie — The blonde affirmed, setting the piece aside for Lewis.

After several minutes, Rossi returned with a large box wrapped in wrapping paper and a red bow, you opened your mouth in surprise at such a gift.

— Wow Rossi, what is this? — You got up from your chair walking over to the white haired agent, David smiled giving you the gift.

— Find out for yourself — He was really looking forward to see your reaction, Garcia started recording with his phone while you put the box on the table and removed the wrapping paper.

As you removed some of the paper, you opened your eyes in disbelief as you laughed with excitement, you saw Rossi laugh as well, opening his arms to receive you in a hug, you hugged him tightly in gratitude.

— A LEGO? — JJ said blankly, crossing his arms.

— It's not just any LEGO, JJ. It's from Harry Potter — Garcia replied, mesmerized by your gift as she continued recording.

— From Hogwarts! — You said happily looking at the box, a LEGO set to build the great magical castle.

David knew how much you liked those books and movies, and also how much you loved puzzles and collectible figures, and he thought this would be a great gift.

— You have to invite me to build it — Alvez said, extending his hand to you for a high five.

— I will — You assured him, high-fiving him with determination, like the good friends you were.

— Let's take a picture! All together — Expressed Emily with her phone in her hand, inviting them all.

Prentiss smiled stretching her arm out to get everyone in the selfie, you were a few steps further back with JJ and Penelope hugging you with a smile with Rossi and Luke on either end, ready for the photo.

Truly be happy with one more birthday at BAU, graced to continue to give your all in your work and to be able to continue to save lives.

And every year, as you close your eyes as you make your wish surrounded by your team, you have always made the same wish without fail.

That this team that had become a family to you, always be healthy and happy, ready to meet new challenges together.

— 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐞𝐧𝐝 —

‹ 26. 04. 2023 ›

credits for : @iamcxlleigh

calleigh angelo ──── ‘lista maestra’

¡Nos vemos! 🗯️

[demonir]

dude now I'm just sitting here staring at a wall thinking abt how fucked up being lgbt is...

Don't get me wrong I'm happier knowing who I am and I shudder to think what would be of me if I had never found out, there's so many queer people out there that will welcome you with open arms and guide you through or just simply offer you a shoulder to cry on and that's wonderful I love that and we need more of that

But then there's the rest of the people, the assholes that want you dead just for existing, the ones that are less vocally hateful and might tolerate being in a room with you but should you need anything they'd rather let you starve than approach, the "I support you but" people that say are open minded and supportive but the moment you cross some invisible line of theirs you are no longer "one of the good ones" and must be dealt with.

We've all seen these people, they might be strangers, coworkers, acquaintances, friends, family and even our partners and their words and actions hurt like knives. But a lot of us have learned that we shouldn't waste our time with them if we can avoid it, turn around, block them, leave the room, move out of the house if you can, we can do these things

But what happens when the hatred is coming from inside the community itself? I cannot begin to tell you how soul breaking it is for me when I see discourse like "LGBT without the T!" or "Asexuality doesn't belong in the LGBT" or "If you're bi but in a straight relationship then you're a liar/traitor" or "If you don't pass as your gender then you're not truly trans" and these are just some off the top of my head, there are so many more and even if they don't personally affect me it still hurts me to see it so much.

You're not making the community nicer or safer by dictating how someone should exist, there are no "traitors" there are no "liars" there are no "pretenders" everyone is just trying to live their life while staying true to themselves but everyone around them is constantly telling them they are wrong for it, not gonna lie to you I'm sometimes afraid that I'll get someone telling me I'm not truly nonbinary because I'm not androgynous or use they/them and I'm easily perceived as a woman, I get afraid I'll be told that what I'm doing is just a phase by other queer people despite the fact that I've been trans since I was 14 and it took me all those years to be able to come to terms with the fact that yes I love dresses, yes I like makeup, yes I'm fine with she/her pronouns, yes I sometimes find it endearing to be called a girl, but no I am not a woman and I'll never be.

But guess what? being afab carries this weird notion that I am somehow harmless or at least less of an issue than lets see uhh oh yeah amab trans people! trans women get labeled predators, groomers and a danger to everyone around them so often and the punishment for not passing as their desired gender is far greater than anything I've ever personally received. People have let these notions about birth genders and sexualities carry on to their trans views in macabre and harmful ways. You want to be wary of men? sure, there's an extensive history of issues that make your fears rational and justified... but why are you pointing your finger at a trans woman? Because she has stubble or a beard? no long hair? doesn't like dresses? doesn't want hrt or surgeries of any kind? has a deep voice? because she has "male interests"? do you not realize how harmful that is?

That's not to say trans men don't get a similar treatment, but I don't see them being labeled as dangerous and violent even half as much as trans women do, it's this notion that being born with a penis somehow makes you vile or something???? unless you prove to us how innocent and righteous you are by looking exactly how I want you to, staying 5 meters away from me and never displaying any sort of sexual attraction towards anyone ever otherwise I am calling the police on you

That's bogus nonsense and I'm absolutely tired of it, stop carrying societies old and nasty views of gender and sexuality into this community that is about supporting and uplifting people no matter how they want to be, and while we're at it someone's presentation and physical appearance isn't indicative of their morality

I wish every trans woman on tumblr right now that feels afraid to speak up about the current situation or even just their life experiences as a trans person a very very happy rest of their lives, and I wish every trans woman who IS speaking up about stuff a very happy rest of their lives as well

Again just so we're clear, I'm nonbinary and afab she/he he/she whatever order so I should in theory not be the target to any uhh "mysterious" blog bans and stuff, however if my blog dies after this post know that I did not do it myself.

Stand up for trans women always and forever, we are all fighting together and there is no glory in hurting each other

[thmgau]

CHAPTER 25 - THE HUNT [wattpad]

---

“Alright everybody! Listen up!”

The group was huddled up in Cherry’s dorm room, listening to her every word. Cherry had called the group in for an emergency meeting. It was of the utmost importance.

“The 5 of us are all in immense danger.” she warned. “If we do not want to face our demise, we must act fast. We need...”

They all listened in suspense.

“..to get a job.”

Everyone gasped.

“A job?!” “Yes, a job. We will be KICKED OUT OF THESE DORMS if we do not acquire one.” “I thought your mom was paying for all of our rent.” “Well, my sisters snitched on me. Remember the mall?” “Ahh, yeah, I remember.” “Exactly. Starting on March 1st, we will need to pay our own rent.” Cherry explained. “Today is the 20th. We have 9 days to get employed & get paid. The job hunt starts NOW.”

Cherry clapped their hands. As soon as she did so, everybody in the room immediately whipped out their phones, searching for places that were hiring in Cincinnati.

“That deli place on campus is hiring!” “Ooh, you should apply!” “I should!” “If you get hired, be sure to give us discounts on the sushi, ok?”

Juniper was having quite a bit of trouble finding a place that he would be interested in. A lot of jobs in the area barely paid minimum wage, which wasn’t incredibly ideal when trying to raise $175 in 9 days.

As xae perused the job listings, there was one that caught xaer eye. It was a janitorial job, at a puppet store. Not just any puppet store, because Juniper recognized the name. It was Alph’s Amazing Animatronics.

Disregarding the obvious, the job actually seemed quite enticing. It paid well, & based on the description it appeared easy enough to do! However.. Juniper wasn’t so sure how well the others would take to working at the puppet shop.

“Yo, Juni! Found anything yet?” “AH- Uh- Yes, actually! I have!” “Oh, sweet! What is it?” “I.. uh.. have to go there right now so I can’t tell you but I’ll tell you later when I get hired bye!!!” Juniper spoke, a little too fast & a little too nervously. Zhe quickly rushed out of the dorm room, to the surprise of everyone else.

“Wow, they’re in a hurry.” “Must be a good job if she’s applying that fast.”

-

“Fate said what?” “I know, it’s horrible... & right after Sun comes back, too.”

Sun & Mr. Moon sat in Time’s room. Time had called the two of them in there for a brief meeting, about something Fate had foresaw.

“I thought it would be best to inform you two as soon as possible, since you two were... the most affected by Juno’s actions.” “Why would he be coming back, though? Why now?” “..Fate didn’t say. Whether she knows why or not, that’s a different story, but.. she told me Juno wanted to destroy the Sands of Time.” “Destroy the Sands of Time?! Does Juno know what damage she’ll cause?!” “It does not matter if he knows or not. What matters is that we have to stop him before he does it... but how?”

Time sighed, sitting in xyr throne. Sun & Mr. Moon glanced at each other, knowing exactly how to stop Juno.

“We.. think we’ve got an idea, Time.”

-

Ding!

Juniper stepped into the puppet store. It looked relatively about the same as the last time, except there were more customers than before. Ze guessed that Sotry’s whole “president of the world” schtick gathered some interest in the shop.

With a spring in its step, Juniper walked up to the counter.

“Hi! I’d like to-”

Juniper got a good look at the person manning the register.

It was Sotry.

“Oh..! Um! Hey... Sotry!” “..Juniper.” “What.. brings you here?” “I.. work here now.” “Oh! Interesting!” Juniper grinned nervously, knowing fae were about to apply to a job where fae would have to be coworkers with the puppet who tried to kill faem.

“Anyways.. ah... do you have any-”

Ding!

A new person just entered the puppet store. Juniper & Sotry both turned around to see who it was.

“Hello, hello!”

The person who had entered the puppet store could barely be considered a person, in full honestly. It was around 4 feet tall, green, & had bright yellow eyes. It also wore a long toga-esque piece of fabric, which is unrelated to its creature-ness, but important to know.

“Welcome to Alph’s Amazing Animatronics.” Sotry said. “How may I help you today?” “I was wondering if anyone here knew any prophesied heroes!”

Juniper froze.

“Ha..! Uh! Nope! No prophesied heroes here at all!” xix chuckled. “Gee, really? That’s a shame!” the creature looked dejected, staring right at Juniper’s necklace. “I was really hoping for some prophesied heroes to help me out with something!”

The words “help me out with something” echoed in Juniper’s mind. Whatever problem this thing might be having, Juniper & aer friends might be able to help. Not to mention, this person’s inhuman look made Juniper think it was a Celestial.

Juniper glanced around for a moment. Was voi really about to turn down helping out a Celestial?

“I’ll be back in a minute, Sotry!”

-

“How’s the job hunt going for you so far, ‘Lani?” “I just sent an application to the Walmart with the ballpit.” “Ooh, exciting! I applied to Dollar General!”

Cherry, Nora, Leslie, & Kalani were still in Cherry’s dorm room, applying for jobs online.

“Why Dollar General? That’s oddly specific.” “Well.. I just thought it’d be fun!” “What’s so fun about Dollar General?” “For starters, they have.. eggs!” “..I see.”

“Well,” Cherry stretched her arms. “Let’s hope we all get calls back from the places we applied to.” “Yeah. & speaking of applications, where did Juni run off to in such a hurry?” “I wonder. We’ll have to ask later.” “Or we could just text him?” “Huh. I guess we could do that.”

Kalani takes out his phone & shoots a text over to Juniper, asking where ey went.

“That should do it!” she grinned. “Now, we wait.”

-

“You said your name was.. Juno?” “Yup! That’s me, the one & only!”

Juniper & Juno stood in an alleyway next to the puppet shop. The name “Juno” sounded familiar to Juniper, but phey couldn’t quite place it. It’d probably come around to her eventually, but for now she decided to see what Juno needed help with.

“Alright.. & you said you needed help with something?” “That is correct!” Juno grinned. “You see, I’m a Celestial, but I’ve somehow found myself on Earth! It’s been sooo long since I’ve seen all of the others, I bet they’re just missing me right now!” “Man, I’m sure they are. I assume you want us to get you back to the Castle?” “Precisely! We’d all appreciate it!”

Getting Juno back to the Castle seemed like an easy task for the group. Juniper was sure everyone else would be willing to help out! Before Juniper could agree to anything, though, xaer phone buzzed.

“Oh- Hold on, Juno.”

Taking out their phone, Juniper looked at the text they had just received. It was from Kalani, asking where ze went.

“Ooh! What’s that?” Juno asked, trying to get a peek at Juniper’s screen. “Oh, this? It’s my phone.” he responded, typing up a response to Kalani. “It lets me talk to my friends even if we’re not next to each other.” “A phone! Interesting!”

Sending the text, Juniper put faer phone back in faer pocket. Xe looked back at Juno, who was staring intently at xem. Juniper could tell she wanted to ask if they’d help her get back to the Castle of Celestials.

“There’s a few things I’ve gotta do today, but you can hang out with me until we get you back to the Castle.”

A grin grew on Juno’s face, his eyes quite literally lighting up.

“Oh, thank you!” Juno spun around in joy. “Thank you so so so soooo much!” “It's the least we could do,” Juniper chuckled. “Hope you're able to be patient ‘til tomorrow, though!”

[inkwell-of-a-crow48]

Context for the following wall of text.

I came out as a transman to a coworker a few weeks ago. I've been out socially for five years and on testosterone for two. I'm not out to most people at work because most of them are religious, and I can't trust that I won't be severely questioned with transphobic remarks.

Their immediate reaction seemed positive. They said that they thought I was really courageous and vulnerable for telling them that ans that they don't take that lightly. They asked about how it affects my love life and such.

Then last night, after a fabulous conversation about a few random things, they said that there is something they need to tell me. They told me that everything they first told me is what they genuinely feel. That they really appreciate that I have shared this. That they think it was very vulnerable of me to do.

Then they told me that they don't think people can change their genders.

This is a person that I have been thinking that I've been getting quite close to. I always look forward to working on shifts with them. They are such a great listener and always makes me feel heard and cared about. They remember small little things about me that other people don't seem to care about.

They told me that they didn't want me to feel like they gave me a false sense of security. That they didn't want me to feel like they had pulled the rug out from under me.

I really thought that they were going to leave it at that. But then they went on to say that they wanted to hear me out. That they have a lot to learn about what it means to be trans. How does it happen? How did you know? That they have so many questions.

We had a very long, very rambly (on my half) conversation. It was a very positive conversation! They seemed to be listening, and they want to meet up outside of work again so they could ask more questions. Which, for the record, I am so down for.

That all being said, I have had a lot of thoughts throughout today. I don't normally do things like journaling, but I needed to get these thoughts out of my head so I could sort them out. I don't want to have pent-up emotions and then say something harmful to them. I wrote it as a letter to them. A letter that I don't hope will reach it's destination

So, the following is essentially the journal of my thoughts:

"I don't want you to feel a false sense of security with me."

I'll be honest, when you said that, it really hurt. More than what you said after that even. I wasn't even completely offended. I think I felt more hurt than anything.

You have praised me many times for being vulnerable and talking to you about how I feel. But in that moment, I felt like I shouldn't have been so vulnerable. I almost feel like I need to reevaluate how I go about my close relationships. And that sucks and feels kinda scary. It makes me feel more nervous to be myself and to talk about my experiences.

It made me feel as if I needed to justify my life and my existence to you. Which is something I feel like I do to myself every day.

I have known that I'm trans for over five years now. Ever since October of 2018. I didn't choose this. You said you don't think people can just change their gender. If we are using semantics, there is a hint of truth there. People can't just change their gender willy-nilly. This is something that takes so much thought, and care, and consideration.

And doubt. Don't get me started on the doubt. No one doubts me more than I doubt me. Doubt has been such a large part of my life. Because of my doubt, it has made me explore what it means to be me. My doubt has made me more certain and steadfast about who I am, and no one can change that.

There have been unumerable people who have said, "I don't want to see you go down this path. There is no coming back from it. There are permanent consequences. Oh, are you sure? Why don't you wait several more years, just in case? What if you detransition!? I'm only saying this because I care about you!" So on and so forth. And yet not many have decided to sit down and hear me out.

So many of these people have been so convinced of their own hatred that they can't seem to choose compassion. To see that I am so much happier being myself, rather than someone who was masquerading. Who was so anxious and depressed. Who was so confused and not understanding why. Why do I feel this way? Why do I feel so different? Why do I not even have the language to express what I am feeling?

It's made me feel unlovable. If I date a guy, I don't want them to see me as a woman. If I date a woman, and they want biological kids, I physically can't do that. I'm insecure in the way that if I date someone, I'm scared that they might feel like they "haven't gotten the full experience of dating a REAL man."

I am a man. Just. Not your typical one.

Did I cry while writing this before setting up my testosterone? Yeah, of course I did.

I don't intend on you seeing any of this. I just needed to get it off my mind.

The rug has been sufficiently pulled.

[dammitkat1e]

Girlies I got hatecrimed yesterday, I was testing a laptop for a lady that brought it for a warranty repair and I asked her to log in for me, so she does and starts closing the windows that pop up on her screen immediately (as a Mac likes to do that after logging in) and she finishes closing all but one of them, which she paused half a second to look at left it on screen, to then pass it to me to be checked.

I take it to the other room and start plugging it in to a testing monitor and I glance at the window she chose to leave open, and lo and behold it's a chat box with picture after pictures of transphobic hateposts and transphobic memes.

I motioned over one of my bosses who got furious after seeing it (he actually got way madder than me and commended me for handling it better than him) and wanted to refuse her service on the spot but annoyingly it's a warranty job so unless we want to refund her money it's easier for us to just fix it.

It's confused me to no end why someone who needs their laptop fixed would attack the repair person, especially when all of our interactions have been positive, and I almost just chalked it up to a mistake like she didn't know what was in that window but she stood and looked at it long enough to register its contents before handing the laptop to me. Everyone who I told about this has come to the same conclusion that she's a piece of shit and that her behaviour definitely seems targeted.

I've seen a lot of transphobic shit (I still hit some of the more tolerable 4chan boards ffs) but getting it thrown in my face at work kinda took it out of me, I don't know why it affected me as much as it did but it hurt in a way I can't describe, despite my assurances to my coworkers and myself that I was going to be ok and that it is what it is, I still had to cry at my desk whilst no one was looking because all I wanted to do was hug into my boyfriend and forget it all.

It's so weird that I hesitate to label it an attack or hatecrime and I don't feel like I'm 'allowed' to make a big deal about it as it wasn't a major incident and wasn't like a violent attack but the boss who was mad on my behalf made a good point that no matter what demographic it was aimed at we wouldn't tolerate it being left on screen and handed to any of our staff full stop so we shouldn't tolerate it now.

The small victory is that she cried when I told her how much the repair is going to cost and that we're going to refuse any future services from her for doing this.

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

WIBTA for getting jealous of a dog?

Apologies if this is hard to follow. My boyfriend and I have been dating for about a year. He’s very sweet and I love him a lot, though he’s occasionally a little forgetful/inattentive due to his ADHD (which I also have). We’re poly and I have a nesting partner that I live with, and I generally go to my boyfriends house rather than him coming to mine (my nesting partner has higher sensory needs so I try to leave the space available for her to have more quiet time).

A few months back, he started working with a new coworker, a girl, who he got along with very well. I was glad he was making a friend, and even asked him a few times if he was interested in dating her as well, to which he said he wasn’t for several reasons, the most central of which being that she was, at the time, living with an abusive ex and generally dealing with a lot. I said okay, to let me know if that changed (as far as I know it has not and that’s not where this is going). He mentioned at one point that she might have a crush on him but that he wasn’t concerned about it, so I wasn’t either.

As I mentioned she was living with an abuser, and one day my bf told me that he had invited her to come stay with him so she could get out. He had seen his father abuse his mother as a kid and it triggered him a lot to see someone else going through that, so he offered it kind of abruptly. I was overall in support of this of course, but I was still upset for a few reasons, such as that he’d said she was interested in him (he told me he realized he’d probably misread it) and his apartment is not that big, meaning she’s not only there but usually in very close proximity, as there’s not a ton of space to sit and they’re both tall. She also does have family and other friends in the area, so he’s not the only option by a longshot, but he lives closest to where they work. He noted my concerns and apologized for the abruptness, and promised to do his best to make sure I didn’t feel sidelined by her being there, which he has done.

Now, due to both her suddenly living with my boyfriend and just general personality things, I don’t really care for her. She’s a little abrasive and sometimes insulting, not to me but about ppl in general, she plays TikToks out loud at full volume when we’re watching tv (previously my bf had banned TikTok from his house entirely but I think he didn’t want to impose harsh rules on her at that point), and is sometimes overly familiar with me and I think with him (she sometimes addresses him with an “ie” at the end of his name and addressed me as “beautiful” like the second time I met her). Obviously I recognize that her personality is affected by her circumstances; the year after I left my abuser I was a lot bitchier, so I haven’t said anything to her or him. But bc of these differences, I’ve not made a strong effort to be her Friend. I’ve been…I’d say nice but I often get read as meaner than I mean to so let’s say civil, for example if I make food for the house I always make enough for her even though she often chooses not to eat with us. But I don’t like, go out of my way to converse or give her any encouraging response when she shows me videos I don’t care about.

Recently, she has started bringing her dog over to the house. The dog had previously been staying with her mother, who has a large piece of land on the water about 40 minutes out from the city (again my bf has a two bedroom apartment with a roommate and no green spaces, although there are parks nearby). I generally like dogs, though I wouldn’t say I’m a Dog Person, but I think they’re sweet overall. The only place I have an issue is with large dogs, bc I’m a very small person (im almost 30 and I’ve never broken 100lbs despite trying for years to gain weight) and if a large dog wants to jump on me to say hello I Will fall over, and if they push me or corner me I don’t have a lot of ability to push back. This dog, I’m not sure about breeds per se but I’m 90% sure she’s part lab, part pitbull, not huge but a solid dog around my size, and thus not the type I usually try to befriend, though I’ll give her a head pat if she requests one. This means we’re up to five people and one person sized dog (he had another friend lose a job and have to move abruptly so he’s also staying there) in a two bedroom apartment. I, as well as his roommate, think this is too much, and prefer when the dog is not there. But she misses her dog and my boyfriend is a full blown Dog Person, so he loooves when the dog is around, and will spent hours playing with her if she’s over. I’m not a fan of this for both the obvious reasons and bc she often knocks into things while playing and it makes me very nervous; there’s a lot of glass in his apartment and some of it is mine.

So okay the girl’s there and I don’t like her much, and sometimes the dog is there and i don’t love that either, but I’ve never said anything and done my best to control my feelings and reactions to not show annoyance (my guess is that I have about a 35% success rate at this as again, I’m often read as more hostile than I intend to come off). Id say there’s a solid chance that this girl can tell I don’t like her being there, but I’ve never intentionally made the space hostile.

Recently, she’s started this joke of referring to my boyfriend as…her dogs boyfriend? She calls him her “mans” whenever he’s playing with her and has trained her to know who she’s talking about when she refers to “her mans”. She even recently referred to her as his “main gf” which he quickly shut down, but other variations of the joke continue to come up. I do not like this joke, bc I think the girl knows I don’t like her and is trying to make me uncomfortable, but of course that sounds very paranoid. I’m trying very hard not to say anything bc like, obviously my bf isn’t cheating on me with a dog, but like, it still makes me mad that this girl who is so ingrained in his life right now is talking about her dog as if she’s his main interest.

So like, based on all the info here, WIBTA if I asked her to stop making that joke or expressed discomfort at her behavior? I know this maybe seems like an obvious one but again I’ve probably been more outward about my dislike of her than I think and I don’t want to make it seem like I don’t trust my boyfriend, bc I do, so maybe I wouldn’t be an “asshole” but I’d still be in the wrong? Idk what do yall think

What are these acronyms?

[enter-the-phantom]

Enter Writes A Blog - Oct 4, 2023

In Which I Get A New Job (Sort Of) and Meet the Dance Commander; Nearly Die of Queer Joy

A few life updates bc I’ve just been too tired to post regularly recently! Gonna start doing these since I’ve always admired people who keep little journals. Enjoy.

I got a new seasonal job a few weeks ago at a local theatre and costume shop, which sounds like it would be perfect for me but is…definitely not. The pay is abysmal, it’s $9 an hour with no benefits, and the job itself is so mind-numbingly monotonous that I’m actually depressed. There’s a lot going on and I don’t think I’m going to make it—I need a challenge and I can’t shut my brain off for eight hours a day with nothing to do. Not being able to think creatively and solve puzzles is really messing with my head. Plus the hours are really bad for me, getting up that early and getting home in the evening is really draining for someone with my circadian rhythm. It’s just not for me. As bad as I feel about it (bc I do like my coworkers!), I’m going to quit sometime in the coming weeks and focus on building up my Etsy and working on my art offerings. It won’t make money but it also won’t make me so depressed I can do nothing but sleep on my days off. I just can’t handle traditional work, it’s not good for my brain and my mental health and it’s affecting me physically too. I can’t risk another colitis scare and the stress just isn’t worth it.

On to better news that, if you know me, is gonna have you jumping for me bc everyone I’ve told is freaked.

If you know me you know by now that Electric Six is my soul band and means the world to me. You know what I’ve been through and how happy they make me. Finally got to see them in person on Friday night and it was a spiritual experience. I ended up not only against the stage, but the closest one to The Man himself. Nearly got hit with the mic stand boner multiple times. Eye contact happened. Moments happened. They were magical. He is magical. As I said to @mosshugs, there is truly nothing like the joy an aroace person feels for their squish. It’s the purest form of love there is and my god, do I love that man. Multiply it with the love a performer has for their muse and I’ve been emotional all week.

Every E6 experience I’ve ever had involved lovely strangers who became friends and this was no exception. We just all come together to watch a bunch of goofy guys play goofy songs and do goofy dances together. Met the most lovely family of Crazies with daughters me and my sister’s age, we hung out with them all night, kept an eye on each other and just in general had a great time making new friends! My new local friend is super sweet and we have a lot in common, so that’s really neat! Hoping to talk to her more if I don’t get super nervous about it bc she’s really cool. Also she was providing the strongest moral support when she saw just how close I was to Dick Valentine. Mad props for recognising I was having several moments. When he knelt down on that speaker and started rambling about Lyme Disease she had my back quite literally. Such a real one. Also sent me all her photos and vids bc I was too busy ascending to even remember my phone.

But my god, do I love the Crazies. Herb S Flavorings (who was a treat as always to watch) flicked us a pick, missed, it hit someone else and dropped to the floor. Everyone immediately stepped back and helped find it. Setlist got passed down to me by not one but two other people who saw just how much this concert meant to me and thought I should have it I guess? Also met up with some guys from the Facebook group as I was leaving who wanted to meet “the E6 artist” and demanded to know if I got the prints delivered—I love this dumb little fandom. Also The Flashy Jacket™ was a hit!

And of course the part ya’ll we’re waiting for—I got to meet my hero, Dick Valentine himself. Spotted him coming down from the green room to get his customary post-show amaretto sour and I asked if we could talk when he had a minute (mostly just wanted to deliver the art prints) and he was so immediately friendly and approachable. He had a few people coming up to say hi, and what really struck me was how careful he was to make sure I knew he hadn’t forgotten I wanted to talk to him. I’m sure he had no idea how much that truly meant to me—it’s such a little thing, just to have someone give you a reassuring look that you haven’t been forgotten or ignored and they’re going to make time—but for some people they never get that and it truly means the world. To get it from someone who does not know me, but who has gotten me through so much, was really incredible. I started tearing up and apologising for being emotional and he was so reassuring, reiterating that it had been a long night and it was okay to be emotional and he was glad he and his silly little band had done so much for me. Art was delivered, he loved it—and apparently John (and Da Ve??? I’m in on a secret I guess) are going to be back for the Detroit show or at least there, so he promised to deliver them then. My extra print of his was signed, and so was my setlist! Also I got a hug and some very cute photos. Just truly the sweetest, most down-to-earth gem of a man with the most shockingly calming presence. We all knew he was pretty special, all the guys are, but in person he’s really something else. Thank you again, Dick/Tyler (bc we love the persona but the man himself is just a good guy) and if you ever see this, I promise I’m not crazy and I’m not attempting to clone you in my basement—you just genuinely are my hero. Please don’t push yourself too hard on this tour; we all love you and want you to take care of yourself. ❤️

Anyway. If you read the end of this welcome back to our regularly scheduled nonsense on this blog. I’ll be doing a lot of social media stuff once I quit my job so I can get serious about building up my platforms and working on art and design stuff, so stay on the lookout for that! LOTS of art coming soon. Selfship and fandom friends, I have some amazing new stuff coming out, including some cool commission options you’ve never seen before. Also going to attempt this TikTok thing I guess.

Glad to be back and I missed you all! I hope my mental health will be better once I can focus on working creatively, the way I need to. Love you all! ❤️

[vaida-talks-about-everything]

Kailman Legacy || 28: Tie Sufficiently Cut

TW: Needles

What a rough 24 hours DJ has had: he finally told Vanessa the truth about Tim, and it crashed and burned; Eleanor crashed back into his life right as Sakura was cementing her place in it, and he was met with the grueling possibility of becoming a father... again. This time, though, with much less certainty and much more to lose.

Calling in a favor from a coworker, DJ orchestrated a rush on a paternity test since Eleanor was upfront about the fact that other men in her life could've put her in this predicament. With nowhere to go, despite being overwhelmed, DJ let her sleep in his bed while he took the couch for the night. She slept in much later than he did, so it gave him plenty of time to write out an explanation for Sakura, but he struggled. DJ completely understood why the whole thing angered her, and the context behind it would only give her more reason to give up on him entirely. He'd been irresponsible enough to get this random girl pregnant not just once but potentially twice, with this time having much more permanent consequences since Eleanor's made it clear that this time was different.

"How're you feeling with all this?" Eleanor asked, trying to perk up despite being totally drained.

"I'm feeling a lot of things right now."

"I'm sure. And sorry about your girlfriend, I had no idea-"

"-She's... not my girlfriend, yet."

"Yet. Well, I'm sorry to stop it before it starts."

"Right..."

What felt like an eternity passed, and the results were in. With bated breath, the two heard the following words: "Looks like Dr. Kailman isn't the father of your child, Ms. Tabor." They were left alone to discuss the next steps, and Eleanor did her best to hide her disappointment, but DJ immediately picked up on it.

"If there's anything I can do to-"

"-Don't bother. In fact, don't ever call me again, 'Kay?"

"Woah, okay, uh-"

"-Just... go. I'll figure it out."

So, with nothing else to say or do, DJ left her in the clinic, frantically calling Sakura. She eventually picked up after several attempts and sternly agreed to meet at the location he sent her, confused as to why it wasn't just his apartment or some neutral location. Instead of explaining himself, DJ asked that all he wanted was for her to hear him out.

At 701 Zenview, the budding couple stood face to face under much different circumstances than they were used to. Standing in an empty apartment, Sakura was bewildered but listened as DJ told her the truth.

"That girl from last night, Eleanor, we've been sleeping together off and on for a while but stopped right around the time you and I started hanging out outside of work. Since then, we've barely spoken, and I thought things were pretty much done between us. So what you walked into last night was her trying to tell me she was pregnant and thought I could be the father. It's not the first time this has happened, but we'd agreed not to become parents at that time. So when she came to me last night in a huff, I was obviously concerned, but I could see how it could come across otherwise, especially since she was in her work clothes. But, uh, yeah. We got a rush on a paternity test, and I'm not the father. She's keeping the baby but I don't play a part in it, so we'll probably never see each other again."

It didn't take long for Sakura to reply. "How could you be so irresponsible?"

"We did our best to be careful, but these things happen and I handled it the best I could at the time. I took it for what it was and let her come to her own conclusions on it, because it would affect her and her body the most. I care about her enough as a friend to see this through and be the kind of man to step up when asked, and now... I won't have to. She wants nothing to do with me now that my name's crossed off the list, and that's the end of it."

Sakura took a moment to process, looking practically everywhere but at him. She took in the crisp, clean apartment, clearly recently renovated, which served as a decent distraction as she tried to match the DJ she knew with the DJ standing in front of her. But was the contrast indeed that stark? From the times they'd worked together, she'd known him to be incredibly kind and pragmatic. Based on what he'd shared, he'd done so with the situation with Eleanor, so what was Sakura truly worried about? That this girl would waltz back into his bed and steal him away like some soapy drama? It's a valid concern if DJ was any other man, but he isn't.

"I just... don't want to be looking around every corner for someone to steal you away."

"You'll never have to worry about that with me."

"But what if-"

Just as the thought began to emerge, DJ took her wrists firmly and planted his lips onto hers, making clear who the object of his true affection was. Before Sakura could fight it, before she could push him away and believe he was the kind of man to want his cake and eat it too, she indulged in the surprise kiss and made it known that she wanted him too.

"Sakura," he said as the two came up for air, "I am all yours if you'll have me."

"DJ..."

"You can call me 'Dalton' if you want. No one ever does, so it'll be just between us. I'll do whatever it takes to prove how invested I am in this."

"I see. Well, Dalton, I guess you have yourself a girlfriend now."