#i was only beaten a dozen or so times that i can remember

[yardsards]

i think one of the most evil aspects of fundamentalist evangelical christianity is how it (and the general culture of those who follow it) encourages parents to treat children

first off, it treats having children as something EVERYONE should do, regardless of if they actually want and are capable of raising said children. in more extreme cases you get shit like the quiverfull movement, wherein couples are encouraged to have as many children as physically possible

and then, those children are referred to like they're their parents possessions, like they are just objects their parents were "gifted" with by god. they're not treated like their own human beings.

AND a core tenet of their religion is that humans are born inherently sinful. they think newborns, who can't even fully control their bodily functions yet, are automatically full of sin. an infant's crying for its basic needs to be met is seen as a sign of their inherent selfishness

a parents' main goal is supposed to be to "purify" that child's soul by any means necessary, the child's actual wellbeing is secondary to "saving their soul"

and, of course, free thought is discouraged in favour of obedience. they believe in a hierarchy: child < wife < husband < god. if you are to disobey the one above you, then you are considered to be disobeying god himself- even if the thing your parent or husband is commanding you not to do is not a sin in of itself. "honor thy father and thy mother"

and again, parents are taught that the best trait for a child to have is *obedience*. obedient to their parents and obedient to the church and scripture

parents are taught to force that obedience by corporal punishment. physical abuse (and yes. "spanking" is abuse. if you disagree then, well, i'm sorry that someone convinced you that raising a hand against someone so much smaller and weaker than you is anything short of abusive) is ENCOURAGED

in fact, if you DON'T hit your kids, you are seen as A BAD PARENT, who is failing to properly "train" their child, and who is dooming their child to a life of wickedness, sin, and suffering ("he who spares the rod hates his son, but he who loves him is careful to discipline him." or, put more simply, "spare the rod spoil the child")

parents are told to ignore their own despair and revulsion towards the idea of harming their child, and to hit them anyway. hit the kid and ignore the voice in your head that says hitting kids is wrong. remind yourself that this is for the child's own good. remind yourself that this is god's will.

you're also supposed to remind the child that you are hurting them for their own good, because god commands it. teach them that people hurting them is a good thing.

and many suggest that after you beat them, give your child comfort (comfort from the distress caused by being beaten by you, who is supposed to protect them from harm) and to give them affection (to drive home the point that hurting them is how you show love). which, if you know about the cycle of abusive relationships (tension, violent incident, reconciliation, calm) then you can see how this is pretty much a mirror image of that

it's fucking evil

look up the book "to train up a child" if you want to see this taken to the extreme. even many fundamentalists thing the methodology is too extreme, but they generally agree with the ideology/principles behind it

[zarnzarn]

i see all these comments talking about this after the new episode, but. i would like to state for the record that stolitz isn't. toxic.

first off, the concept of a toxic and a healthy relationship are such... vague terms. when you're online, drenched in language and tight moral boundaries, trying to put a nuanced story like helluva boss's into boxes is easy to attempt and impossible to do.

a toxic relationship is one where one or both parties is maliciously affecting the other. I'm talking fetid, nasty, rude interactions where there is more hurt than love. they're unhappy more often than not when they're with their partner, there's no respect or give from the other side.

stolitz is nothing like that.

Stolas actively cares about Blitz and actually has no fear or hesitation in ADMITTING IT OUT LOUD TO OZZIE. he has been calling, texting, commenting, laughing and finding ways to spend time with Blitz. he's throwing everything he has to the wind, finding the courage to move forward with the divorce, putting everything he has into trying to keep him. he's been alone in a palace since he was born, on medication, with such less people dear to him that he remembered the circus boy who spent a day with him DECADES ago- so when blitz comes into his life and brings back in laughter and color and sex, he's holding on with everything he's got.

and blitz does care!!! he cares a LOT, the whole series we see him falling in love with stolas through SHOW NOT TELL (his expressions, his choices, his fear, his lashing out) and utterly unable to process that stolas cares about him too when talking to fizz; almost a desperate kind of denial-

cause yknow. the first time he tried to confess something to someone he really liked, he accidentally killed half the people he knew and ruined the lives of the rest?

thats gonna leave just a teensy impact on the will to express your emotions in the future, methinks.

even before that, he clearly felt like on some level that he was unworthy and he's said twice that he despises himself for the accident even though it wasn't actually his fault. being self aware doesn't stop the emotions from emotioning.

he keeps insisting its only sex so urgently to anyone who doesn't ask because he can't even imagine it being anything else. he's both disappointed and relieved when he repeats that stolas sees him as a novelty, because what else can it be?

(there's a whole other spiel of how brave both Stolas and Blitz have to be to say it out loud even when asmodeus can't afford to, considering how publically and completely beaten down both were at the club.)

(there's also another whole spiel about how frustrating it has been for ME to see all these comments over time with such bad takes based on like,, 20 min worth of info of a show that takes months to release an ep. like godDAMN have some patience?? let the story UNFOLD MAYBE? IT WAS ALWAYS GOING TO HAVE AN EXPLANATION WHY WOULD YOU CRITICIZE THINGS THAT ARENT EVEN FINISHED ESPECIALLY AN INDIE ANIMATION- i digress)

mind you, this has NOTHING to do with abuse. an abusive relationship is one where one is actively harming the other with full awareness. Stella is an abuser and their marriage is abusive.

and stolitz isn't that; it isn't even unhealthy or toxic. it's a consensual, transactional fuckbuddy relationship that slid into something more for both of them.

but!!!!! one of the main reasons for the problems that everyone looks over is-

they're in a BDSM relationship.

I can't possibly delve into dynamics without making this a 10k research paper BUT even though we've gotten only hints and costumes and dialogue- they're very clearly and undeniably in a BDSM contract. Behind the scenes of this crazy show is a whole different story, of these two delving into the most hardcore kinks out there- knifeplay, painplay, bondage.

if you've gotten into the community, if you've read a couple dozen particularly good fics by authors who know what they're talking about, hell; even if your only experience is fifty shades or 365 or whatever- you gotta know that BDSM scenes are crazy fucking emotionally heavy. there's so much that has gone down between them during their full moons that helluva can't get into!!

but you know how in so many of these popular medias and fics, the dom in the relationship is also like,, the billionaire/mafia heir/prince, etc, the one with financial and physical power? this isnt that. it has been very clearly stated that stolas is subbing, blitz is domming.

now take a moment and think about how much that fucks up the dynamics.

in stolas' eyes, blitz is a confident, dangerous individual who's an old friend and cherished memory of his, who he's trusted wholly with his safety during sex and he's lucky to have; and he has been in an abusive arranged marriage for the past eighteen Years, he's probably not going to be pushing his luck with his dom that much in the first place. plus, blitz is never cowed by him during their conversations- think back to the first phone call right after he stole the book, completely unafraid.

and for blitz, it's someone trusting him again- but it's also a royal- a blue blood who's nearly untouchable and so much more powerful- who couldn't possibly like a piece of shit like him, apart from the sex he gets out of it. he only flirts once he gets some sort of cue from Stolas; he's desperately trying to view this as only a Goetia trying to get his rocks off, despite all the evidence to the contrary, because anything else is unfathomable to him, no matter how clearly Stolas shows it, because of the ptsd.

both of them thinks the other has the power. both of them aren't expecting the other to keep shut if something's bothering them.

and there's so much conflicting messages from the other too!

stolas calls him a plaything when trying to intimidate the humans; stolas cups his face gently and asks if he's alright

blitz asks him on a date and tells him to get better soon; blitz yells that it's only sex and doesn't reply to his messages

ya see?

bring it to fizzozzie for a second now; even though they do look all good on surface, you can still see fizz's trauma and doubt in all their interactions, they're still forced to keep the relationship secret. do you see his face when Ozzie says in hyperbole that he's never leaving the house again, or when someone accuses him of being a pampered house pet or when he got sexualized in the 7th ep? whatever happened in the interim between the accident with mammon, it fucked him UP. even though oz seems to be well aware of this when he tells him not to apologise and in their general interactions, fizz still visibly has trouble separating plaything/commodity from healthy relationship.

shout the fuck out to Ozzie btw, man knows whats UP. rooting for these two so much omg.

i forgot where I was going with this point, I'll edit it when i remember. but yeah! lovely fucking relationship, but damn what angst filled issues.

anyway, to sum up- stolitz is not a toxic relationship. the relationship is stuck sludging through misunderstandings and careless microaggressions and trauma responses, but it's not unhealthy or toxic because of the simple reason that most of the current hurt comes from... a misunderstanding. stolas didn't realise blitz would need reassurance about what they were and blitz didn't see stolas as someone who could get hurt.

unecessarily calling it toxic, even online, is more impactful than people think too. almost all spindlehorse ARE on all social medias; so MANY YouTube animators i know have found jobs there; they see your words, especially since a lot don't tag posts with "anti hb" correctly to keep them out of the main tag. there are Very few queer medias made BY queer people that haven't gone through heavy corporate revisions- helluva boss is practically a historical landmark in its success. it's very very very fucking easy to forget that not ten years ago some of the only queer videos on YouTube were butter lover (one kiss at the end post credits), dirty paws and welcome to hell (subtext).

the amount of "critical talk" helluva boss gets for what it is is very unprecedented. it's a beautiful show. can't wait for the next episode.

[punkassfrance]

Sierra Nevada - Chapter I - Ellie/Abby

Chapter I: Donner (Work Length ~1.4k) This work is rated M for canon-typical violence and gore. Please look here for a full list of warnings for the series, specific warnings will be provided at the start of each chapter. This work contains passing mention of cannibalism and discussion of a massacre. (Aftermath- corpses, smell, etc.) Full Series - Next Chapter

“Even though I told people to call me Linda, that was another girl’s name. I had to change my name several times because of what I had done, or rather, what had been done to me.” - Aimee Parkison, “The Innocent Party”

-

Abby

It was hard to say exactly what happened to the Fireflies. They didn’t have much to go on, once Abby and Lev finally made it to Catalina island. There were no notes, no maps, no audio logs explaining everything they needed to know. From what did remain, Abby could only say one thing for sure- it was a fucking bloodbath.

The bodies weren’t fresh. They weren’t old, either. Sometime between 2425 Constance and the moment they made it to the island, the Fireflies were wiped out. It had been a few weeks, maybe a month since the bodies hit the ground where they laid. There was no getting away from the smell; nowhere on the island was safe from the harsh reminder of whatever had happened.

Some of them looked like they went down fighting, gunpowder residue still on their fingers. Some were executed. There were missing boats along the docks- some must have made it out alive, she thought with the last bit of hope she had left. It didn’t last long.

Lev looked up from the shambles of the Fireflies, looking to Abby for hope, a plan, anything she could offer. They’d spent almost two years looking for the Fireflies, they’d been so close. It was all Abby had wanted.

But they still had fresh rope burn. They both still hungered from the pillars, and she had injuries to take care of from the cure. She still tasted blood, and tried not to focus too hard on what was stuck in her teeth.

“…come on, Lev.”

That was almost a year ago, now. Maybe if they weren’t both exhausted, starving and beaten like dogs, they would have kept looking. They wouldn’t have given up on the Fireflies.

But Santa Barbara changed things. After all they’d seen, all that had happened, some part of Abby decided it was just over. All Lev wanted was to be with Abby, and all Abby wanted to do was get the fuck out of this city.

The sailboat made it as far as San Francisco before it couldn’t keep going. Abby had tried to fix it for about a week before Lev confessed he wanted to explore inland- see what the world was like outside the coast.

“Abby?” She looks up from her journal as Lev calls her from a few yards away, pointing to a road sign he’s spent the last ten minutes uncovering. “How do you say this? Trucke?”

Abby stands and walks over to him, squinting at the sign. “It’s Truck-ee. Just how it looks. Means we’re getting close to Nevada.”

There’s been…some interruptions on their trip, to say the least. Some things Abby can’t bring herself to remember, let alone talk about- but they’re past that. Abby’s hair is slowly growing out, past her shoulders now, just enough to braid. Her hair hasn’t been this short since she was a teenager. Lev’s kept his hair short, but not fully shaved- he gets nightmares when it gets too long. But then, he gets nightmares most nights.

“What’s Nevada like?”

“What is it, October? Should be nice. We should leave before spring, though. It’s a lot of desert. We’ll go around Reno if we can help it.”

“Have you been there?” Lev lets the foliage fall back over the road sign, hands resting on the straps of his backpack.

“Nope. We’re both gonna see something new.”

They’re just outside of Donner, Abby pausing their lesson on the history of the area to take a short rest. He’s fascinated by what he’s heard, even the morbid details she barely remembers. “Book on Donner Party/murder?” is written down in her shopping list, one of the dozens of things she needs to find at some point. He’d like that, she’s certain.

“We should get moving. Should just be another day or so to Nevada.”

Lev nods and starts off down the road as Abby puts her journal away, half-jogging to keep up with him. “Hang on, Lev-”

“Gotta get a move on!”

She huffs quietly and runs until she catches up to him, glancing around the woods. He knows she’s been trying to get back in shape. It’s been tricky, after everything that happened in Santa Barbara, but not as hard as she feared it would be. Muscle comes back easier once it’s been gained the first time around, even if the limited calories complicate things. Whatever anyone had to say about the Washington Liberation Front, they kept their people fed. One of the few things she misses from Seattle.

“I’m coming.”

Ellie

“No. I’m not gonna do this again. If you walk out, I’m not going to be here if you come back.”

“That’s up to you.”

-

There was no real point in going back. There was nothing left for Ellie, after all. The possessions she’d turned into a life meant nothing anymore- Tommy probably took most of them when Dina left. If she ever decides she wants any of it back, if she ever returns to Jackson to beg for Dina’s forgiveness, she hopes Tommy at least has the decency to feel ashamed.

Not that he matters, anymore. Not that anyone in Wyoming matters. Not that anyone matters.

When she journals about it, she wants to say she hasn’t been this disconnected since she was…younger, but she can’t settle on an age. First it was Riley. Then Marlene. Then Joel. Then Dina. As much as loneliness has haunted her entire life, the more she thinks about it, it was never so tangible. There was always something there, someone keeping her tethered to humanity.

But Santa Barbara changed things. After Abby disappeared into the fog, after she stood from the water on the last shreds of energy she had and watched the horizon, it was too late. When the stars started to appear on the water, it hit her that there was nothing for her anywhere. Jackson might welcome her, but it would never be home again.

So, east. There was no real plan to it, nothing beyond get out of Santa Barbara, so that’s what she did. Wandered until she found somewhere suitable to settle down. She’s not sure what the name of the town is, just that it’s quiet. Joel would have liked it, she thinks- he loved the mountains. They never managed to get this far west together.

It looked like an old vacation town, somewhere rich people would visit when the season was right. It’s been nearly a year since she settled here, and if there’s anything she’s learned, it’s that nobody in their right mind would be here in the winter just to visit. The snow should be coming in any day now- she’ll have to prepare for it soon.

At least there’s a nice view from the back porch of the cabin she settled on. Her cabin, now. The previous owner was quickly dispatched, his spores fully aired out within a week. Now it’s just her place. She drinks the tea in her hand, thumb rubbing over the design on the mug. It’s not the same owl mug Joel had, but it’s close enough to remind her. Remind her she cared about someone for a little while.

Her place is so quiet. There’s no voices, no humming from the kitchen, no kids giggling and playing outside. It’s nothing like Jackson. If she doesn’t speak, nothing needs to be said. It’s nice. A bird sings nearby— it’s one of Ellie’s favorite sounds. Joel told her it was called a Mourning Dove.

Pushing herself back from the balcony railing, she gives the woods one last look before she turns back to the house. There’s a laundry list of things to do- prepare firewood, move the few plants that can be moved indoors, clear out the gutters— small things to handle before the snow really sets in. The greenhouse still needs fixing up, just another thing for her to get to once summer returns.

As endless as it feels, the list she’s built up is only a few years long. Ellie’s not sure what she’s going to do once she hits the end of it.

But for now, as she sets her mug next to the sink and reaches for her jacket. She’s fresh out of distractions for the morning.

I'm so excited to start this series- hopefully you enjoyed chapter one, more on the way soon! Again, heed the warnings for each chapter, please be safe! Huge thanks to @jennaispunk for looking this over for me, the help is very much appreciated!!

Thank you to @plum98 for the forest divider! Feel free to say hi or drop your thoughts in my askbox, check out my AO3 or my about me if you're interested!

[mimi-ya]

countdown ~ zoro x reader

2,900 words | she/her, f!body | nsfw

summary: he's been waiting his entire life for this moment (timer that counts down to soulmates meeting)

a/n: @missallsundayy do you even remember requesting this? well you did, and i had so much fun with it!

masterlist | soulmate event

Zoro was starting to worry his crew.

It started when Nami noticed Zoro was spending his nights in the crows nest. And then Chopper became concerned when Zoro had upped his exercise regime to inhuman amounts. Sanji was getting annoyed when the moss head barely took a break to eat. Even Luffy had taken notice.

And Luffy never notices anything.

“Zoroooo!” Luffy rolled across grass, “C’mon, I’m bored!”

Zoro didn’t take his eyes off his sword, slicing the air with practiced precision, “Training.”

“What about later?”

“More training.”

“Ugh!” Luffy cries, gaining the attention from his crew, “Why are you training so much!”

“My fight is next week.” Zoro swings his sword.

“Fight?” Luffy pops up, “Who are we fighting?”

The rest of the crew stopped what they were doing, looking to the swordsman for his answer. This dramatically increased training had been going on for almost a month without an explanation until now. They each lean forward, obvious interest written across their face, only to be disappointed when Zoro answers-

“Don’t know.”

Luffy lets out an annoyed groan, melting back into the ground.

“Then how do you know there’ll be a fight?” Chopper appears at Zoro’s side, and his question finally gets Zoro to put down his sword for the first time all day. Zoro’s always had a soft spot for the reindeer.

“It’s my time.” Zoro says, bending at the knee to show Chopper his timer.

“Are you kidding me?” Nami screeches from her lounge chair, “That’s what you’re talking about?”

“But Zoro?” Chopper puts a hoof to his chin, “I don’t think you’re supposed to fight them.”

“I have to.” Zoro answer. He can’t be the greatest swordsman if he hasn’t beaten the one destined to fight him.

“Don’t listen to him Chopper!” Nami stomps over, “Zoro doesn’t know what he’s talking about and in a week he’s gonna look like a huge idiot!” She gives the swordsman a flick to the forehead for good measure.

“I don’t have time for this, witch!” Zoro spits, grip tightening around his sword.

“You’re really going to challenge your soulmate to a duel?” Nami crosses her arms, “That’s not what they’re for!”

“I think it’s sweet.” Robin pipes in, setting her book down in her lap, “There’s no conclusive explanation as to what these timer’s indicate. Why, I think our captain is a perfect example of that.”

Robin sprouts an extra hand from Luffy’s back, earning a laugh as it takes his wrist to show off the dozen timers, a majority of which have already counted down to zero.

“They can be our family, friends, loves.” Robin’s eyes slide to Franky who’s tinkering with a metal contraption, “A sense of belonging. And for Zoro,” She looks back to the swordsman who’s returned to his exercise, “His greatest fight.”

.

Zoro sits on the edge of the cliff and waits.

The day he’s been anticipating is finally here.

After years of preparation, he’s as ready as he’ll ever be. With his swords laid out in front of his crossed legs, a refreshed body and mind, there’s nothing left to do but wait. And wait.

And wait.

He supposes he could look at his timer. He had covered it up a few days ago, willing to give you the element of surprise.

Zoro smirks to himself. It was the least he could do.

He’s broken from his thoughts when a scream cuts the silence of the forest, “Ahhhhh!”

“The hell?” Zoro grabs a sword and gets to his feet, spotting a small dot in the sun rays.

“Ahhhhh!”

He squints, “Wait a minute.” Is that dot getting bigger?

“Ahhhhh!”

“Oof!” Zoro grunts, getting thrown to the ground when something collides into him.

The person on top groans, squishing Zoro’s face as they try to sit up, “Thanks for breaking my fall.”

Zoro snarls, quickly pushing the person to the ground as he scrambles to his feet. He readies his sword faster than he ever has; the blade pointed at their head.

“You here for a fight?”

The man on the ground lets out a pained moan, “Fight?” He rolls over to meet the stare of Zoro’s sword, knocking it out of his face, “I just finished getting my ass kicked.” The man groans pitifully, throwing an arm over his face. His body is already marred with bruises and cuts, tears in his clothing.

He isn’t the one.

Zoro growls, “I don’t have time for this.” He sheathes his sword, “If you’re not here to fight then get out of my way.” He walks back towards his spot, ready to continue his mediation until his opponent arrived but of course-

“Is it them?” A voice whispers from behind.

“Why aren’t they fighting? I thought they were supposed to fight.”

“What’s he doing!”

Zoro scowls as the voices carry from the bushes.

“Idiot probably wised up.”

“Impressive.”

Zoro’s patience finally snaps as he turns to the forest, “I can hear you!”

Not a moment later Luffy bursts out of the foliage, “Zoroooo! This is taking too long and I’m hungry.”

“No one said you had to be here! None of you have to be here!”

As if on cue, the rest of Strawhats pop out of their hiding places.

“Nice catch, moss head.” Sanji croons, giving the man on the ground a nudge with his foot.

“It’s not them, you shitty cook!” Zoro growls back.

“Oi.” Luffy pokes the man in the cheek, “You come from Sky Island?”

“Luffy!” Chopper slaps his hand, “Knock it off!” The little reindeer turns his attention to the man, “Are you okay? Do you need your injuries checked?”

“Hah?” The man looks at Chopper, “A talking racoon dog? She must have knocked me out harder than I thought.”

Chopper lets out a noise of indignation, stomping his foot, “I’m a reindeer!”

Robin takes a step closer, “Did someone cause you to land here?”

“That damn restaurant boat.” The man sits up, rubbing at his head, “Thought I could take her on myself.”

“A restaurant boat?” Sanji and Luffy perk up.

“Please no.” Zoro mutters, examining his blades, “Last time we went to one of those we got stuck with a shitty cook.”

Sanji lets out a growl, “Won’t need to wait for your soulmate cause I’ll kick your ass right now!”

“I could use a warm up!” Zoro shouts back, but before they can go any farther Nami pushes between them.

“But there’s no boats on the coast except ours.” Nami crosses her arms, waiting for an explanation.

“Oh!” The man laughs, unsteadily getting to his feet, “Hades Blade is on the other side of the island! I think this is the furthest she’s sent me flying so far!”

“Thought you said it was a restaurant boat?”

“Oh, it is!” The man dusts off his feet, “Doubles as a fighting pit too! My third time trying to win a meal from that chef.”

“You can fight and eat?” Luffy’s eyes go bright, and he latches on to Nami with drool down his chin, “Oh, can we go? Can we go? Can we go?!”

.

“Why am I here again?” Zoro groans, following the rest of his crew onto the deck of Hades Blades.

The ship is painted a deep red, black sails rolled up to the top. There are dozens of people milling about. Some looking worser than others, and a few knocked out cold on the ground.

“Cause we’re gonna win!” Luffy exclaims, punching a fist into his hand, “Oi!” He screams into the crowded deck, “Who do I gotta fight around here for some food!”

Silence falls over the ship as everyone turns to stare at the newcomers.

“Uhmm Luffy.” Usopp whispers, “Maybe we shouldn’t draw attention like that.”

“But I’m hungry!” He screams out.

Too quick for most notice, a person leaps out from the crow’s nest.

But Zoro spots it.

They swing down on a rope, a blade drawn as they head right for Luffy’s back.

“Oi! Watch out!” Zoro calls, shoving his captain to the ground with not even a second to spare before the person lands right where Luffy was standing.

“Someone hungry for a fight?” You release the rope, letting it sling upwards. With a hand placed on your hip and a smile for the boy who’s face first on your deck.

“Hey!” Luffy cries, jumping up from the ground, “What’s that about!”

You cross your arms, “You called for a challenge, didn’t want to leave you waiting too long. Timeliness is a quality of a good chef.”

Luffy frowns, “Well I already have the best chef!”

“Is that so?” Your eyes quickly pass over the bunch before landing on the boy again, “So you a captain or something?”

Luffy pulls himself to his full height, chest puffed out, “Captain that’s gonna be king of the pirates!”

You raise a brow at his little show, “Alright. And what’s that got to do with you disturbing my patrons?” The knife twirling between your fingers, eyes narrowed.

A loud stomach growl cuts through the tension. Those surrounding the boy let out various groans of their own, one even slapping a hand to her head. “Uhh. Well, I’m kinda hungry.” Luffy slumps with a hand pressed to his stomach.

Laughter bubbles up from your stomach. This boys tenacity is something else, “I only cook for those I deem worthy of my food.”

Right as Luffy opens his mouth someone pushes him to the side.

“A real chef cooks for anyone who’s hungry.”

“Oh?” You stop your knife twirling, “And what would you know about being a real chef?”

There’s a guff of laughter but you don’t pay it any mind as the blonde man in front of you seems to light on fire with determination.

Oh, this was going to be easy.

“Well pirate king.” You glance back at the boy who started all this commotion, “If your little chef here can best me, I’ll let you eat your fill.”

“It’s on!” Luffy wraps an around on his chef, “Sanji’s can cook better than you ever could!”

“Who ever said anything about cooking?”

.

“Oh c’mon!” You scream over the cheers, “You all talk or what?!”

And here you were looking forward to a good fight.

Everyone else who had come to you over the last week had been pitiful at best. And you could see this man hand some skill to him. The entire crew probably.

But of course, now that the two of you were in the ring, your regulars cheering around you, he just had to back out.

Thought the two of you were going to cook, he said.

What a joke.

“A chef should only use his hands for cooking.”

You hold up your knife, slicing it against the cage just to hear the sweet sound of metal, “Sounds to me like you don’t have much confidence in your culinary skills.” A grin spreads across your lips, “Vegetable, fish, man. It all cuts the same to me.”

Sanji shoves a cigarette in his mouth, a shaky hand flicking at the lighter, “If you weren’t a lady, I’d flay you for the insult.”

“Oh?” You cock your head, “A failure of a chef and a fighter, I see.”

Jeers and boos fill the room, realization dawning on everyone there wouldn’t be a fight today.

“Ah, shut up!” Sanji screams in return.

Zoro watches as the stupid cook turns his back on you, and you easily kick him into the cage.

“If you’re not here to fight, get the hell out of my kitchen.”

“Sanji!” Luffy cries, shaking the cage fence, “You said you would win!”

Sanji stumbles down the steps, a crisscrossed imprint on his cheek from the metal wiring, “Yeah, well that’s before I knew I’d actually be fighting her.”

“Excuses, excuses.” Zoro smirks.

“Of course, you’d say something like that you brute!”

“Well, Strawhat?” You call from inside the ring, “I promised all you could eat if one of you could win!”

Luffy growls, ready to jump to his feet. He’ll take on anyone for food!

“Let me handle this one, captain.” Zoro presses a hand into Luffy’s shoulder, throwing a smug look at Sanji, “Show ya how it’s done.”

“Fine.” Luffy crosses his arms, “But you better do it fast, I’m hungry!”

“Yeah, yeah.” Zoro answers, pulling out two of his swords. No need to go all out on you just yet.

The crows cheers when they see Zoro walking up to the ring.

“Oh?” You turn with a smirk, “So someone from your crew is willing to fight?”

Zoro mirrors you with a feral grin, “Someone willing to win.” He corrects you.

You stand up a little straighter, both of you acknowledging the aura of strength coming from one another.

It sends a tingle down your spine, a heat that spreads throughout your entire being. Had a fight ever made you feel like this? Feel so alive?

But it’s not the fight that’s invoking this energy. When you move to slice your knives together, you notice the timer has counted down to zero.

A small gasp escapes your lips, and your head whips up to the man across from you.

His feral smile widens when you meet his challenged stare. Like he expected this to be your meeting.

The grin slowly creeps back onto your face. Alright. If it’s a fight he wants, it’s a fight he’ll get.

.

Your back slams against the wall with a gasp, “I totally won.”

“The hell you did.” Zoro growls, laying a trail of biting kisses down your neck.

“Had you pinned- hnng.” His leg finds a cozy spot between your legs, “In five minutes.”

He traps your hands against the wall, “And look at you now.”

“So, you admit it.” You grin, “Greatest swordsman my ass. Couldn’t even pair against my steak kni- oh fuck.” A groan escapes your lips as Zoro pushes his leg up further, rubbing your center over his muscled thigh.

“Quickest way I could get you here.” He mutters, his eyes trained on your face.

This is not how he was expecting his day to go.

The fight started off how he anticipated. Neither of you able to get an edge over the other, a continued clash of blades. But then there was a moment and he slipped up.

You had almost got him with that damn vegetable knife. If he had been half a second slower, it would have sliced right against his cheek. And instead of planning his next move, he thought of getting you a proper sword, showing you how to fight with something more capable than a kitchen tool.

It was this slipup that cost him the fight.

Not a second later you had kicked him to the ground, pouncing on him with both knives pointed at his throat and he had nowhere to go.

It was at that moment that he thought of something else.

“I think I’ll take my reward.” You twist your wrist against his thumb, easily freeing your hand from his hold. Fingers pressed into his shoulder, you push him to his knees.

“Fuck.” Zoro groans, working your pants open without complaint. Your fingers card through his hair as he helps your foot out of a pant leg.

And like all things in life, Zoro dives in headfirst. Literally.

“Oh!” Your voice is a squeak and part of you is angry this man could pull such a noise from you so quickly, but the feeling is quickly replaced with need when he slings a thigh over his shoulder.

Zoro groans into your cunt, his tongue quickly moving over you. He’s never been so reaved up in his life. Whether it’s you, the fight, the timer, or combination of all three, his pants are becoming unbearably tight.

Finger digging deeper into your thigh, Zoro positions his mouth over your clit and gives a hard suck.

With a cry your head hits the wall behind you, hips rolling against his face as you chase your pathetically quick finish.

Zoro drinks up everything you give him, thirsty for more as he doesn’t let you out of his hold despite your squirming.

“Please!” You whine, trying to pull back but it’s impossible as your stuck in your position.

And Zoro’s too consumed to notice, not that he would care much either. He’s overwhelmed with your taste and smell, mind filled with thoughts of getting you bent over that kitchen counter so he can really get a feel for ya.

But before he can get any further, a harsh shove casues Zoro to fall to the ground. He doesn’t miss a beat as his eyes ravage your body and tongue licking his lips.

You reach for your pants, quickly pulling them up your shaky legs.

“That it?” Zoro asks, not moving from his spot on the ground but smugness dripping from his word.

“I have a restaurant to run.” You button your pants, “I can’t be leaving my customers hungry.”

“And what about me?”

“What?” You cock your head with a smirk, “That meal wasn’t enough?”

.BONUS.

“I don’t get it.”

Zoro pinches the bridge of his nose, “We leave behind shitty cook and take her with instead!”

Luffy frowns, “But why can’t we have two chefs?”

“We don’t need two chefs.”

“I don’t know Zoro, I can eat lot.”

“Luffy, you’re missing the point.”

[queen-of-writing-bad-things]

Henry Danger Reader Insert | Captain Man x Reader: SEASON 1

Episode 4: The Secret Gets Out

~Henry's house~

"Here I come." 

"No, you don't." Henry and Charlotte were sat on the couch, competitively playing a videogame. 

"I'm gonna get ya!" Henry taunted his friend, as Jasper burst in through the door, interrupting the gameplay.

"Hey, guys." The curly-haired boy greeted them, dumping his back and showing them his phone.

"You gotta check this out." 

"Quiet!"

"We're playing a game!" The two teens on the sofa were too preoccupied to look at whatever Jasper thought was important. Still, he pressed on.

"No problem, I'll take over your screen." He smirked, flicking the news video on his phone to the T.V, much to the annoyance of Charlotte and Henry. The news showed a live report on Captain Man, who was being interviewed by a pretty reporter.

"Just watch the video." He insisted.

"What video?" Henry complained.

"It's called 'Captain Man's big fail.'" Charlotte liked the sound of the dramatic headline and told him to play it. Henry, however, freaked out, not wanting to accidentally say something about Kid Danger in front of them.

"Uh, hey, look. My belly button." He said, trying to distract them, but it only made them look at him in confusion.

"Play the video," Charlotte instructed Jasper, who did as he was told.

"We're live in downtown Swellview, where the Phone Shark has struck again. This time, the Phone Shark bit through a dozen of people's cell phones, then fled the scene, once again escaping capture from Captain Man." The reporter described what had happened to the camera, whilst the superhero next to her shuffled awkwardly on his feet. By the guilty look on his face, Henry knew he hated that he'd been beaten again.

"Captain Man, isn't it true that the Phone Shark has been attacking people's phones for over a year now?" The woman continued, passing the mic to Ray so he could splutter out an excuse.

"Uh, yes, that is true." He replied simply.

"So, why don't you catch him?" The reporter didn't understand how hard catching slippery criminals was. 

"Well, Kid Danger and I have been trying." Ray tried to tell her, but his excuses weren't working. Henry rubbed his eyes in panic and gave his friends the side-eye when he heard his alias being mentioned.

"Doesn't that bug you?" Henry knew it really bugged Ray. In the couple weeks, he'd been working with him, he'd heard him complaining to (y/n) several times about how he just couldn't catch him.

"Yes." Ray answered with gritted teeth. Jasper paused the video, and Charlotte expressed her sympathy for the poor man on the T.V.

"Aw, I feel bad for Captain Man." She said with a sad face.

"It's not Captain Man's fault, he needs a better sidekick." Jasper shared, not knowing about Henry's secret identity. His best friend looked at him in irritation as he sipped his drink.

"One more time?" He said, frowning.

"Just saying, I'd be way better at catching bad guys than Kid Danger." Jasper bragged, but Henry wasn't impressed.

"You couldn't catch butt warts." Henry scoffed back.

"Oh, yes he could. Remember fifth grade?" Charlotte reminded him.

"That was a rash! Big difference." The boy on her right defended himself as Henry stood up.

"Whatever, I think Kid Danger does a great job." Henry piped up, not letting his name get dragged through the mud. 

"Why are you getting all mad?" Charlotte looked over at him, confused as to why Henry was suddenly in such a bad mood.

"Because Jasper's being unfair. And I think it's unfair to criticise that-- that Kid Danger guy, when he's probably doing the best he can" He retorted, trying to seem less bothered than he was.

"And people should be fair, y'know? I'm pro-fair." He finished, sitting back down and not meeting their eyes. Suddenly, Piper burst in through the door, shouting at Jasper.

"What?" 

"Get up." She ordered him.

"Why should I?" The teen replied, not wanting to be bossed about.

"'Cause, you're gonna carry me to my friend Marla's house." She told him like she was royalty or something.

"I"m not going to carry you. I ain't no horse." Jasper sassed her. Big mistake.

"Fine, then I'll just upload the video so the whole world can see it." For a 9-year-old girl, Piper knew how to blackmail people to get what she wanted. 

Video of what?" Charlotte asked. Piper then proceeded to show them all a video of Jasper wearing a wig and sitting in his room, singing along to the Cup Song from Pitch Perfect, only he was really bad at it. His friends laughed as they watched him fail.

"Stop it, turn it off. Turn it off!" He pleaded, feeling very embarrassed. 

"Where'd you get that wig?" Charlotte giggled, thinking he looked ridiculous.

"You don't need to know." Jasper pointed his PearPad at her sternly. Piper revealed that she had obtained the video when she snooped around his ThumbDrive. 

"Oooo, you're so bad." The red-faced boy sneered. Henry scolded his sister, not wanting the entire world to see the video. Piper agreed that she wouldn't, but only if she could use Jasper as transportation. 

"Okay, fine. Get on my back." Jasper submitted, not wanting to be humiliated. Piper stepped up and leapt onto him, smiling because she had gotten her own way.

"If he goes too slow, just kick him in the side." Charlotte joked, which made Jasper turn around and glare. However, Piper didn't want to stop so she hit him sharply on the hip, making him waddle out of the door.

Henry and Charlotte were laughing together at the sight, when Henry's watch began to beep, notifying him that there was an emergency and Ray needed him. Charlotte looked down at the device, feeling suspicious.

"Yeah, I've been meaning to ask, why does your new watch beep like that?" Charlotte mentioned.

"Uh, It just means they need me at work. Bye! " 'Okay, that's a sensible answer.' Henry thought to himself as he got up and sprinted out of the door, leaving a confused and mistrustful Charlotte with her arms folded on the couch.

"There is something up with that boy." 

~The Man Cave~ 

"What's the emergency?" Henry briskly came out of the elevator, seeing (y/n) at the computer. Ray was next to her, leaning one hand on the back of her chair.

"There's a fire at the syrup factory, all that sugar is just burning up." She reported, pressing the controls and reading from the screen.

"Any people in the building?" Ray said in his hero's voice, which made goosebumps cover her body. 

"Yeah, I'm getting reports of up to 10 people still trapped in there. You guys better hurry."

"Oh man, we need to go." Henry prompted, thinking about all the civilians in danger. 

"There are firefighters on scene, they can give you equipment if you need it." She turned around in the chair, her face and voice demonstrating her professionalism.

"Right." The sidekick's face paled a bit, but he took his gum tube from his pocket, copying Ray.

"Things are about to get hot." Ray said coolly.

"ETA is 20 minutes, and don't take the main road. There's been an car crash, with delays of up to half an hour." She advised as they chewed and blew their bubbles. Once in their uniform, Ray gave Henry a fist bump and (y/n) waved them goodbye.

"Have fun!" Ray smiled at her, feeling thankful that he had her to help him out, as Henry sent them up the tube. 

~Later that night, Henry's bedroom~ 

Henry climbed through his window, feeling exhausted from his night out with Ray. He was going down the steps, glad to see his bed, but then the lights were switched on, revealing that Charlotte was in his room. He fell down the stairs, landing on his butt and looking at Charlotte with a petrified face.

"You're home late." She smirked at her friend.

"What are you... How did you get in my house? Why are you here?" He asked her, his heart slowly calming down.

"'Cause I'm suspicious." The dark-haired girl said to him. Her suspicion had reached its peak. 

"Of what?" Henry said looking away.

"Why did you climb in your window?" She stepped forward, squinting her eyes and analysing Henry's every move. 

"Uh-- Because the front door was locked and I forgot my key." He lied.

"You know your parents always leave a spare key under the mat." Charlotte saw straight through the lie and called him out on it with her logic.

"I like your shirt," Henry said, wanting to move off the topic. 

"Where have you been?" She quizzed him.

"Working. You know, just working." He replied, which technically wasn't a lie. He had been working, just not where she thought.

"Really? 'Cause I called Junk-N-Stuff. Nobody answered." Charlotte interrogated, wanting the truth.

"Okay. You wanna know where I've been?" Henry started as his anxiety levels through the roof.

"Yeah."

"You want the truth?" He went on.

"Yeah." She reiterated.

"I'm a jazz musician." Henry lied, trying to keep his oath to Ray.

"I don't tell a lot of people, but secretly, I play jazz and the only time the jazz clubs are open is late at night, so that's where I was, at a jazz club-- blowing jazz... on my horn." He continued the lie, hoping that if it was more elaborate, she would buy it. She didn't say anything at first, she just stepped forward and sniffed his hair.

"Why'd you sniff my hair?" He asked.

"I heard on the news tonight that Captain Man and Kid Danger put out a fire at a syrup factory." Charlotte told him about what he had just returned from.

"Did they?" He said, feigning ignorance.

"Yeah. And your hair smells like syrup." Charlotte knew she had him foiled.

"It does. I wonder why." Henry replied, checking his hair.

"Maybe because you're Kid Danger." 'Oh my god.' thought Henry. He started to scoff and laugh at Charlotte, but the look in her eyes told him that she definitely knew.

"Ha! I wish! I mean, that'd be nice. And I guess you must be Beyoncé." He chuckled and panicked.

"Henry." She pressed, looking at him intently, making him sigh and not believe what he was about to do.

"Okay. This is really big what I'm about to tell you." He started off seriously.

"What? That you're Kid Danger?" She teased.

"SHUT UP!" Henry shrieked at her, not wanting his parents or worse, Piper, to hear. He ran to the door and opened it to check if anyone was listening in the corridor. He slammed it shut and locked it, returning to his friend.

"I'm Kid Danger," He revealed in a hushed tone.

"I know. I figured that out." She'd always been a smart girl, but this was her biggest mental achievement.

"Just promise me you'll never tell anyone." He was desperate to keep his identity a secret.

"I promise," Charlotte swore, but Henry grabbed her by the shoulders, so she could really look at her desperate face.

"No, no, you don't understand. I took an oath that I'd never tell anyone that I'm Captain Man's sidekick." He had never been more serious.

"I swear, I'm never gonna tell." She insisted.

"Thanks." Henry breathed out a relieved sigh and dropped his hands from her shoulders.

"Can I tell Jasper?" She asked, not believing she was in on such a big secret.

"NO!" He shouted, Jasper wouldn't be able to keep the secret to save his life.

~The next day, in the Man Cave~

Watching the news from earlier, Ray and (y/n) were shovelling Chinese takeout into their mouths. She was perched on his knee and leaning back into his chest as she focused on what the reporter was saying.

"We're live in downtown Swellview, where Phone Shark has--" Ray rewound the clip, back to when the news reporter pointed out how he was still unable to capture the villain. The elevator doors opened, and Henry walked out of them, after getting up from the drop. He cleared his throat to get their attention.

"Ray? (y/n)?" He started in a small voice. They turned around, noodles hanging from Ray's face, as they smiled and greeted him. Ray put his carton on the control panel, as (y/n) stood up from his lap since they weren't alone anymore. She moved to the side, still picking through her food carton.

"Henry, I didn't know you were working today." Ray looked at him in surprise. 

"He didn't butt beep you, did he?" (y/n) joked with a mouthful of stir-fry.

"No, uh, can I talk to you two about something?" Henry said, walking to where they were.

"Uhhhh, babies come from the baby store." Ray stuttered out, not wanting to go into 'that' subject with a teenager.

"Shut up, doofus." (y/n) chucked a piece of carrot at him.

"It's not about that." He replied, much to the relief of Ray.

"What's up Hen?" (y/n) asked, digging in her carton again.

"You guys know my friend, Charlotte?" Henry began.

"Yeah."

"The not-bucket friend." They both said, not concentrating on Henry's nervous body language. 

"Yeah, well, she's like really smart. And-- uh, she.. uh.. kinda figured out that.." He didn't know how to say it.

"Figured out what?" Ray still wasn't picking up on his nerves.

"That--um... I"m Kid Danger." He chuckled, bracing himself for their reaction. Ray turned around and looked at him with a stunned face and (y/n) stopped mid-chew, feeling the gravity of the situation hit her. She looked to Ray and hoped he would keep a level head.

"Isn't that kooky?" Henry tried to make light of the situation, but his jokes fell flat.

"Yeah. What'd you tell her?" Ray said, hoping that Henry had been smart.

"That I am... Kid Danger." Henry swallowed, as the young woman in front of him choked on her food. She knew he was in deep shit.

"Ohhhh... interesting." Ray let out a squeal as he took in the information and Henry nodded with him.

"You're not mad, right?" Henry asked, confused as to why Ray looked happy, but (y/n) knew that he was actually livid by the sight of his tense shoulders.

"Mad? No.? Ray smiled sourly and shrugged the sentence off.

"Cool." For a moment, Henry thought everything was okay.

"You're fired." Ray's smile dropped and he let all his friendly feelings melt away. He stood up and walked to the middle of the Man Cave.

"What? Fired?" Henry felt his heart drop.

"Raymond!" (y/n) knew he was mad, but couldn't believe that her friend could be so cruel.

"You can leave your watch on the table there." His voice was monotone, and he was ignoring the wide-eyed glare the girl across the room was giving him. She moved towards him, hoping she could get him to calm down and change his mind.

"Ray, please think about what you are doing." She hissed at him from his side, as he mindlessly fiddled with some machinery.

"I swear, I didn't wanna tell her! She figured it out." Henry pleaded, desperately wanting to keep his job.

"Henry! You took an oath!" Ray looked at him sadly, upset that his sidekick had broken his promise.

"I know, but..." Henry whimpered.

"You promised me you wouldn't tell anyone and I trusted you to keep that promise." The superhero said, walking down the steps, (y/n) still following, but now, tears were welling up in her eyes. Henry had grown on her, and it didn't seem fair to fire him after one mistake.

"When trust is broken, it can never be fixed." Ray looked down at his shoes.

"Yes, it can. He's your sidekick." (y/n) put her hand on his bicep, hoping to get through to him, but he just shook her off. He grabbed a fortune cookie from one of the boxes of Chinese takeout and gave it to Henry.

"Open this cookie and read the fortune." He instructed. Henry opened the packaging and cracked the cookie so he could read the paper.

"'When trust is broken, it can never be fixed' He read aloud, wondering how what Ray said and the fortune could be the same. 

"Let's not argue with the Chinese." He whispered huskily. Her emotions getting the better of her, (y/n) snatched the paper from Henry's hand and tore it in half. She threw it to the ground and turned to Ray, tears now rolling down her face.

"I can't believe you, you're being ridiculous." She seethed, but Ray just brushed her comment away and walked off towards the sprocket.

"Goodbye Henry." 

With a broken heart, Henry glumly took off his watch and put it on the table. Turning around, his face matched (y/n)'s. She wrapped the poor kid in a hug, as he tried not to cry.

"I'm so sorry Henry." She whispered into his hair. Henry pulled back with a bittersweet smile.

"Not your fault." was all he said, before walking to the elevator and leaving the building.

~(y/n)'s PoV~

As soon as Henry left, I marched through the sprocket, down the corridor and into Ray's room, where I knew he would have retreated to. He was sat on the bed with his head in his hands.

"I've seen you do some dumb shit, but this is dumbest. What the hell were you thinking!?" I shouted at him, my voice breaking as I started to cry again. Ray didn't move, so I carried on.

"You wanted a sidekick and you got one. A damn good sidekick and a sweet kid, who didn't deserve what you just put him through." This time, he looked up and his eyes were red too. Seeing he was upset, I took a deep breath and sat down next to him, but I didn't touch him, I just waited to see what he had to say.

"I know, he's a great kid and an even better sidekick. But he told his friend about Kid Danger, he broke the oath!" Ray's eyes stayed on my hands, which were wringing together in my lap. I processed what he said, knowing that now I had scolded him, I need to be more gentle. 

"Yeah, he screwed up, but it was just one kid, you could've handled the situation better." I leaned into his side and hugged his arm, knowing it would make him feel a little better. His left arm crossed his chest and came to rest on where my hands joined on his arm. I smiled from the contact, the tears on my face drying. My head slowly dropped so it was on his shoulder, and he then rested his on mine. 

"What's done is done." He muttered hoarsely. I sniffed, thinking I'd never be able to joke around or watch stupid cat videos with Henry. 

"I suppose." I didn't know what else to say, so we just sat there in silence for a few moments.

"Sorry I made you cry." He mumbled into my hair, and I felt my heart flutter.

"S'okay. I'm sorry for yelling." I murmured back, glad we wouldn't carry our problems through the day. He untangled his arm from mine and wrapped it around me in a side hug. As my arms went around his waist, he pressed a kiss to my hairline, so I buried my face into his shoulder, meaning he wouldn't see my blushing.

I inhaled the scent of his cologne and felt so relaxed, I just wanted the moment to last forever.

~Back at Henry's House~

Henry had never felt so depressed. From his place on the floor, he popped the cap on the large bottle of chocolate sauce and let it drizzle into his mouth.

"And Captain Man fired you?" Charlotte asked him, pacing up and down his room.

"Mm-hmm." The sad boy just mumbled as he let the sweet sauce trickle down his throat.

"But-- But it's not your fault I figured out you're Kid Danger." She said, feeling guilty.

"Doesn't matter. I broke my oath." Henry said dejectedly, not caring about anything or anyone.

"Well, you gotta fix this." Charlotte tried to perk him up, hating to see how sad Henry was.

"How?" He asked, not seeing any hope.

"I don't know! But you're not gonna find the answer at the bottom of a bottle of chocolate." She chided, confiscating the bottle and throwing it onto the bed. However, to her dismay, Henry pulled a spare from behind his back.

"I won't know if I don't look." He said, smearing chocolate around his face, as he poured more of the sauce into his mouth.

"Jasper was right." Words that rarely left Henry's mouth.

"About what?" Charlotte looked down at him.

"I was a lame Kid Danger. I couldn't even help Captain Man catch the stupid Phone Shark." He sniffed, still wallowing in self-pity.

"I feel awful." The girl said from her place on the ottoman at the foot of his bed.

"It's cool. Still got ma jazz." Henry grabbed the sunglasses next to him and put them on so Charlotte wouldn't see his teary eyes. He grabbed his remote for the hi-fi and turned it to a jazz station.

"I got my ticket for the long way round, two bottles of chocolate for the way." He started to sing with the music.

"And I can't believe I got fired today." He looked so depressed, his voice deepening at the end of the line.

"But I did and it's kind of all your fault." He was too upset to care about Charlotte's feelings, as she bowed her head.

~Later that night~

Sprawled out of the couch, Henry was just scrolling through his phone, listening to Piper and Jasper argue, when a call from Charlotte came through.

"Hey, Char, what's up?" He addressed her.

"Henry. Come to Swellview Park right now." Charlotte whispered down the line, as she crouched down behind a bush in the park.

"No. I'm not in the mood for trees." Henry whined at her.

"Did I ask you what you're in the mood for?" She hissed back with gritted teeth.

"No."

"Come to Swellview Park right now." She repeated, needing him to get there urgently.

~Swellview Park~ 

After dealing with Piper and Jasper, Henry made it to the park and he saw Charlotte crouched down behind a bench. She was spying on a wedding with a pair of binoculars.

"What's going on?" He asked her, only to be yanked down.

"Check out that guy standing by the groom." She said, giving Henry the binoculars. He peered through them and saw one of the groomsmen smiling with a set of sharp, metal teeth.

"The guy with the crazy teeth?" He asked Charlotte.

"Yeah, he's the Phone Shark." She revealed, shocking Henry.

"Whoa yeah, that does look like him." He commented as he squinted to get a better look at him.

"It is him. Now, do Captain Man a favour and go catch the Phone Shark... Kid Danger." Charlotte encouraged, knowing he was more than capable of taking the villain on. Thanking his lucky stars that he forgot to give it back, Henry pulled out his tube of special gum.

He popped a gumball and ran to a secluded corner where he could transform safely, much to Charlotte's amazement. 

"Whoa, how does that whole costume fit inside one little gumball? She asked, but that was a question Henry would have to ask (y/n) if he ever saw her again.

"Just--Just wait there, all right?" He said, sprinting around the other side of the wedding tent. He watched as the couple were taking the vows, before walking a few steps down the aisle and interrupting the ceremony.

"Hey, congratulations." Many shocked whispers and comments were heard around him, as no one expected the intrusion.

"Young man, this wedding isn't over." The officiator said to him, as the bride frowned. 

"I know, I just wanted to show that hairless guy my brand new phone... that's never been bitten." He said, whipping out the new PearPhone (y/n) had given him a couple of weeks earlier.

"Come on, yeah, you know you want to bite it." He taunted the Phone Shark, waving his device around to tempt him. He even sniffed it, which seemed to really entice the weird criminal.

"Gotta love that new phone smell!!" He teased, the villain chattering his teeth.

"Yeah, yeah, come on!" All Charlotte could do was watch.

"Give it to me!" The Phone Shark yelled as Henry threw it into the air.

"Catch it!" As the man looked up at the phone, Henry used the distraction to jump on his back, starting a brawl in the aisle.

"Give me the Phone!" He shouted again, as people cleared the area, realising who the evil man was. Henry was spinning around on his back, making him accidentally kick the bride in the face, sending her to the floor.

Falling to the floor with the Phone Shark, the guests tried to help him, which gave him a minute to get back on his feet. The criminal threw the guests off him, snarling and roaring at them all with his razor-sharp teeth.

"Hey! Hey! Come on! Come on, Phone Shark!" Henry showed him the phone again so he could get him away from the guests. The criminal was so desperate to sink his teeth into the phone, he charged at Henry, who at the last minute ducked out of harm's way. The man's momentum sent him hurtling into a table of gifts, rendering him unconscious and Henry victorious. The crowd applauded his brave actions and he smiled at Charlotte, who was clapping along. 

~The Man Cave~

"Kid Danger, how were you able to locate and finally apprehend the Phone Shark?" The onscreen reporter asked Henry. (y/n) and Ray were both so absorbed into what Henry was saying on the computer. 

"Well, I'd love to take all the credit, but it was really my boss, Captain Man, who made it all happen." He smiled, knowing the public would be praising Ray again.

"Interesting. Can you tell us more?" The woman asked.

"No." Henry answered curtly, not knowing what other details he could share. (y/n) paused the video there, knowing Ray had seen enough to be impressed with Henry. He was wearing his Captain Man suit, as Henry had brought Charlotte back with him, but he kept his focus on the teen.

"You gave me all the credit." Ray said, flabbergasted. 

"Well, everyone's been giving you a hard time about not catching the Phone Shark, I figured I'd help you out." He said solemnly to the man, which made (y/n) give him a warm smile.

"Told you he was a good kid." She bent down and whispered in Ray's ear and a smile grew on his face, both from her comment and how close her lips were to his ear.

"Uh, excuse me?" Charlotte called from her seat near the elevator. She hated to break up the sweet moment, but she was bored of waiting.

"I'm the one who found the Phone Shark." She bragged with a smirk.

"It's true she did." Henry told them both. Ray let out a long groan and threw his head back into (y/n)'s stomach.

"Ughhhhh, Charlotte, Charlotte, what are we going to do with you?" He said as he stood up and the three walked to the young girl.

"Uh, I think it's pretty obvious," Charlotte responded, standing up too. 

"What's that?" Ray didn't understand what she meant. 

"Give her a job here, you idiot." (y/n) said, smacking his arm from how dense he was sometimes. 

"We need another smart person around here. I can't do everything, I'm one, very tired girl." She continued, smiling at Charlotte.

"I'm (y/n), by the way, nice to meet you." She added in and leaned over to shake Charlotte's hand, which made Ray roll his eyes.

"Nice to meet you too. Are you his assistant?" She smiled and pointed at Captain Man.

"I prefer the term 'helper'. 'Assistant' makes him think I have to do everything for him." She joked and the two laughed, knowing that if Ray gave her a job, they'd become firm friends.

"Ok, no more laughing. First, I want to know how you found the Phone Shark." Ray said, still not fully trusting Charlotte. 

"Well, I figured no guy with normal teeth can bite through a phone, right?" She started off, and (y/n) tilted her head as she listened.

"'K." Ray said, feeling dumb since he hadn't been the one to work it out.

"So I started calling every dentist in Swellview until I found one who told me he had a patient who asked a whole mouthful of titanium teeth." She explained like it was obvious. 

"We should've called some dentists." Ray said to Henry, slapping his hands together. 

"Totally should've." Henry agreed, also feeling stupid.

"You guys had one year, she had one day." (y/n) whispered in their ears, smiling at how smart the teen girl was.

"Then I hacked into the dentist's computer files, got the guy's name and searched him online." Charlotte said sweetly and simply.

"OH, we should've gone online." Ray looked to Henry again.

"What is wrong with us?" Henry couldn't believe how blind they'd been. (y/n) rolled her eyes, these two were meant to be superheroes, but one girl managed to outsmart them.

"Oh, and his last update said, "Off to my brother's wedding in Swellview Park, hope they serve phones for dessert, LOL.'" She read out, confirming how intelligent she was. 

"And then she called me." Henry said to Ray.

"She's good." The superhero said to his best friend.

"Yeah, she is." She replied, looking back at him.

She could really help us out around here." Henry piped up looking at him hopefully and nudging his side.

"Us?" Ray took a moment to think about Henry's words and the events of earlier that day flooded back into his mind. (y/n) placed a hand on his arm to remind him that she was still next to him and she wasn't going to take his crap.

"Oh, right. You fired me." Henry's eyes dropped to the floor.

"Well, you broke the oath." Ray's voice was wobbly from emotion, so he turned his back on everyone.

"And he caught the Phone Shark." (y/n) wouldn't let him make the same mistake of letting Henry go again.

"Come on, you big doof. Hire him back." She smiled up at him, using her best grin to win him over. 

"Alright, you're re-hired." he said to Henry, not being able to say no to (y/n)'s face as it stared up at him. Henry jumped up and down in happiness and ran to give (y/n) a hug to say thanks for her help in persuading Ray. Letting her go, he then jumped into Ray's arms, glad to be his sidekick again and by his smile, Ray was happy too.

"Ahem, ahem, cough, cough, cough." Charlotte cleared her throat, reminding them that she was still there.

"Oh right, and what are you gonna do about Charlotte?" He asked the pair. Ray clutched his forehead and groaned, looking to (y/n) about the decision.

"She knows he's Kid Danger." The woman mentioned.

"She knows who I am, and she knows where the Man Cave is 'cause you brought her down here." Ray listed everything off looking at Henry.

"So, what does that mean?" She asked tentatively.

"That we either have to kill you, erase your brain or give you a job." (y/n) said, which Ray nodded along with.

"I vote job." Charlotte said, not liking the other options.

"We can really erase her brain?" Henry wondered, which caused his friend to whip around at him in offence. 

"All right, she can have a job here." Ray conceded. (y/n) went to put her arms around him, but he carried on speaking.

"IF! She can pass the pickle test." (y/n) stopped mid-movement and looked at Ray in confusion. Not even she knew what a pickle test was.

~

As per Ray's instructions, (y/n) had set up a table with a pickle hanging in a jar, which was now being tightly screwed shut by Bork, a giant man who worked for Ray.

"Thanks, Bork. Now, grunt and exit." Ray said, making the man retreat to one of the back rooms.

"Charlotte, you must now prove you're smart enough to work for Captain Man." Ray explained, which made (y/n) furrow her eyebrows. 'I never had to pass a stupid pickle test.' She thought.

"Uh, I found the Phone Shark." She pointed out, believing that was enough to prove her intelligence. 

"Well, anyone could do that." Ray retorted immaturely. 

"You couldn't." (y/n) smirked at him, sticking up for Charlotte. He didn't like it when she sassed back.

"Okay, let's not go there." Henry quickly interrupted their banter.

"Now... to prove your worthiness, you must get that pickle out of that jar that Bork just power-screwed shut." Charlotte inspected the jar, quickly formulating a method.

"How much time does she have?" Henry asked Ray, who took out his timer.

"Exactly five minut---" Ray was disrupted by the young girl smashing the jar against the table. Her ingenuity meant that the pickle was free.

"Here's your pickle." She said, which (y/n) accepted happily. She knew she'd figure it out, the test wasn't that hard.

"That was Bork's favourite jar." Ray said gravely, impressed that Charlotte had figured it out so quickly.

"Wait, wait, does that mean Charlotte's hired?" Henry asked (y/n), an enormous grin erupting on her face.

"Yeah, it does!" She exclaimed excitedly, as Henry lept over to Charlotte and gave her a celebratory high five.

"Wait, you wanna see something cool?" Henry said to Charlotte.

"Yeah!" They ran over to the tube area together.

"Hug me." Henry told her, which grossed her out a bit.

"Just trust me." He said, so she wrapped her arms around him. Henry slapped his belt buckle and the tube came down, shocking the girl.

"Up the tube!" They shot upwards, causing Charlotte to scream all the way to the top.

Meanwhile, Ray was still sat at the supercomputer. After watching the two kids leave the Man Cave, she went over to him and wrapped her arms around his neck from behind.

"Thank you for that. You did a good thing." She murmured to him gently, leaning down to press a kiss to his cheek. Ray felt like his heart was going to explode, as she removed herself from him and walked up to the sprocket, going to her room.

He raised his gloved hand to his cheek, stroking where her lips had briefly been only seconds before. As he sat there in shock, he knew that if she asked him to, he'd do anything for her.

[blowflyfag]

Pro Wrestling Illustrated: August 1995 

It’s a Man’s Sport? Yeah, Right!

Women are taking over the workplace in modern society–and taking over in wrestling, too. Men are no longer making all the key decisions. 

By Liz Hunter

Sherri Martel can remember the times when, as a little girl growing up in New Orleans, she and her friends would go to the playground for an afternoon of unsupervised fun. Within 15 minutes, there would be a dozen parents on the scene trying to break up a disturbance. Little Sherri had done it again. 

“It got to the point after a while where none of the other kids would sit in the sandbox with me,” Martel fondly recalled. “To me, that was a little wrestling ring, and I’d just pick up the little kids and slam them in the sand. I guess I knew what I wanted to do with my life at an early age.”

Tamara Murphy Fytch has slightly different memories of her earlier years. Fytch didn’t punch, kick, or slam anybody, but she controlled her peers nonetheless. From 10th grade on, Fytch was president of her student council, head cheerleader, captain of the girl’s varsity soccer team, and president of the debating society. Not surprisingly, her peers voted her “Most Likely To  Succeed” During her senior year of high school. 

“Everybody knew me,” Fytch said. “I had my hand in just about everything, and you know what was the most awesome thing of all? Even with doing all that, I still pulled straight A’s. I’ve known I’m something special for a long time.”

Fytch and Martel are two of the very special women ruling the power meetings in wrestling these days. They are mentally and emotionally stronger than a lot of the men in the sport. Physically, Martel can give many of the guys a run for their money (did anyone catch her beating on The Nasty Boys at WCW Uncensored?). Anyone who still thinks wrestling is a man’s sport has another think coming when wrestlings power gals are around. 

Fytch. Martel. Woman. Miss Texas. Alundra Blayze, BullNakano. These are the women whose power, intelligence, and beauty shrink any man down to size when they’re around. Wrestling’s female power brokers wear the pants in this sport. 

Take Martel, who has managed Harlem Heat to the WCW World tag team title. Here’s a team that had little going for it until Sister Sherri joined the fold. Under her management, they have risen to the top of the tag team heap. 

[Woman doesn’t care what anyone thinks of her. Sandman probably wouldn’t have accomplished nearly as much in ECW without her. Heck, she’ll even try to claw Cactus Jack’s eyes out if she sees fit.]

“Harlem Heat is great because I don’t let anybody step on them,” Martel said. “Anyone who thinks they can pull a fast one on my men is in for a big surprise. I’ve been around this game long enough to know the ins and outs, and one thing I know is that when you have the belts, you call the shots.”

Martel has also won the AWA and WWF Women’s titles and managed WCW World champion Ric Flair and WWF Intercontinental champion Shawn Michaels. She is not only the top female manager in the world, she is possibly the top manager in the world, period. 

“I don’t see who’s had more success managing more top wrestlers lately,” said broadcaster Tony Schiavone. “Sherri has power, and she knows how to use it.”

So does Fytch, who made relative unknowns Chris Candido and Brian Lee into somebodies… and champions. There’s little doubt Fytch’s star will soon rise much faster and shine much brighter. She’s just one of those self-made women who need only one little break to turn it into something big. Fytch is smart, beautiful, and aggressive.

Woman hides her intelligence behind a beautiful, though somewhat slutty exterior. She knows sex sells, and a sexy image can help advance a woman’s career. This Woman, who managed The Sandman in ECW and had managed former World tag team champions Doom in WCW, rules with a lace first.

Who can forget the night when Tommy Dreamer, despite being beaten to a bloody pulp by a Singapore cane-wielding Sandman, refused to kiss Woman’s feet? She said Sandman would stop only if he did this. But doing so would have been giving in to her power. There is no doubting who controls Sandman. 

“I don’t like men telling me what to do,” Women said. “It’s not my style. Men think they can have their way with me because I’m beautiful and sexy, but it’s all part of a power trip, and the power is mine.”

[Sherri Martel regularly assists in the physical assaults by The Nasty Boys and doesn’t care what the consequences are. Is it so hard to believe she bullied all the other kids in the sandbox when she was little?]

Kimberly, “Dirty White Boy” Tony Anthony’s “Dirty White Girl,’ has been a bit more subservient than most women in wrestling, but still plenty powerful. Last year, she knocked out a wrestler named The Hornet with a single punch. 

[Alundra Blayze is beautiful, but she’d rather be known as the woman who made women’s wrestling popular again. As for Bull Nakano, she’s as tough and powerful as most men.]

There’s no doubting Miss Texas’ beauty or power. She is still the only woman ever to be ranked on the “PWI 500.” Long live Missy Hyatt, who’s out of the sport, but not out of our hearts or minds. The image of Missy lives forever. And she wasn’t merely the blonde bombshell to end all blonde bombshells. She was an effective manager, valet, and Tv commentator. 

[Would Chris Candido ever have won the NWA title without Tamara Murphy Fytch’s expert guidance? No way, she says. In just two years, Fytch has become one of wrestling’s most powerful managers.]

Alundra Blayze, formerly known as Madusa Miceli, and Bull Nakano, the WWF World Women’s champion, do their work mainly in the ring. Although she is extremely beautiful, Blayze would rather be known as a world-class wrestler than a world-class beauty. Her goal is to make women’s wrestling as popular in North America as it is in Japan. 

[Miss Texas has made life hell for practically every woman who has appeared in the USWA… and a few men, too. After beating Hamie Dundee two years, she became the first woman ever to be ranked in the “PWI 500.”]

Nakano, who has never been accused of being beautiful, is one of the world’s most violent wrestlers. Many men are afraid to go one-on-one with her. Nakano is so tough that she has scared away a host of potential contenders to her title. 

Luna Vachon scared away many suitors before marrying the equally scary Vampire Warrior in 1994. It takes a strong man to simply look at Luna, much less confront her. But Luna is the prototype of today’s strong female in wrestling. She is much more concerned with actions than appearances. She isn’t afraid of being aggressive. Luna doesn’t care if men approve of her. 

Like most of the other women in wrestling, Luna approves of herself, and that’s all that matters.

[trippy-thot]

MORE YANDERE VANCE PLEASE OMG <33

7 People asked for more Vance, But I don't wanna respond to all 7 separately right now so this is for anyone who asked!

⋆﹥━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━﹤⋆

Yandere-ish Vance Hopper Part 2

(Of Age Vance & Reader)

(Tw: Abuse,Implied Killing,Manipulation)

After seeing Vance snap your boyfriend’s neck. (Well, ex-boyfriend now) He declared himself your new one.

You didn’t bother to ask him how he disposed of the boy’s body. He gave you a small peck on the cheek and smiled. “I took care of it.”

Of course, this was only after he’d hurt you. He only did it to remind you of what happens when you disobey him.

You learned to not disobey him after.

He had broken your dominant hand. Shattering the Lunate and fracturing your middle finger. Now you had to let him to everything for you! Not to mention the lingering bruises and dozens of cuts.

The same day he killed your ex, he dropped you off at your own house. There was always this little facade he put on for your family. No one seemed to be phased.

He banged on the door as he held your bloodied and beaten body in his arms. Your older sibling rushed to open it, almost fainting on the spot due to your injuries.

As your family drove you and Vance to the hospital, he came up with some elaborate story to tell.

“I was walking downtown to get My ‘Ma her hairspray. Y’know how she’s always working. When I was walking past Clyne’s bookstore I heard shouting. Then I turned the corner and there she was. Laying on the cement as Johnny beat her to a pulp. I yelled at him to stop and fuck off but he didn’t. So I had to teach him a lesson! I scared him badly enough he ran off. God knows where to. I picked (Y/n) up, laid her in my back seat, and drove her home.”

Your dad gripped the wheel and shook his head. “I always knew that Johnny boy was trouble!” Your mom shouted.

Once the doctors had examined you and cleaned you up, they let your entourage in the room. “She must be Lucky to have such a fine young man in her life.” The doctor said, patting Vance on the shoulder.

As your family peppered you with hugs and gave you kinds words, you couldn’t bare to look at Vance. You hated how your family believed him. If you told them the truth, he’d probably kill you too.

But everything he did was for you.

All those boys who hit on you who were suddenly transferring school districts? You never said thank you. The girls who bullied you for not understanding the English assignment? You didn’t ask where they went when they moved away.

You pushed him out of your life, and he was determined to get back in it. He’d do whatever it takes.

“We’re going to go down to the station and file a claim, hun. Vance has already offered to let you stay with him until we get home so you can rest I’ll ring your mom when We’re back ok?” Your mom gave you one last kiss before doing the same to Vance; your father and sibling following.

Right after, the doctor had come back in to clear you. He scheduled a follow up-for the next week. “Keep the sling on and change the bandages daily.” Was all he said.

Vance took your non injured hand and led you out to his truck at the back of the parking garage.

The second the doors shut you began to sob hysterically. He leaned over, wiping your tears as he ran his hands through your hair.

“Don’t cry doll. I did it for us! I did it for you. I love you. Y’know that right?”

As he questioned you, his hand immediately went back to your bruised throat, gripping it ever so slightly; but enough to make you cry.

You nodded your head, putting the un-slinged one over his. “I l-love you too Vance.”

He seemed content enough with your answer. So much he even kissed you on the lips!

As he started the car and adjusted his mirrors he pulled out into the lower levels of the garage.

“Good. Then remember it next time.”

[collar-shocked]

Axe'ing the hard questions. (THE SINDAY SPECIAL)

Authors note: So. My history on this website, from like.. Age 15 'til now, I've been SFW and lurk-friendly to all audiences. (Only for the most part, in my later years.) This is my first time publishing content with sexual tones, and actively participating in Sinday! Rejoice!! Crossing my fingers I make a good first impression😅

TLDR: Strade can't control his aggression upon finding his fox in distress, threatened by his dime-a-dozen prisoner. Not only is he quick to remind them of that, but Ren is quick to remember who holds his leash.

He's so weak.

Ren, hiding away in his room, stayed curled up with his arms around his stomach in bed, completely under the covers. He hasn't been allowed to eat for the past two days after mindlessly ruining some of Strade's furniture, and then resisting upon a rightful punishment- something he terribly regrets. He was just scared. He doesn't blame him at all. A man does what a man has to do, even if it's hard- the bad must be punished.

And boy, has he gone from bad to terrible.

Filthy guilt plagues him as he begins to think. His stomach pinches in distress, it's too much to bear any longer! He has to find something to eat! Crawling from his bed, he stumbled his light feet to the door, peeking out with his ears pinned against his head. Strade should be busy... He knows his schedule by now.

And also knows he made quick work of someone new.

He tip-toed downstairs, ears flicking against the distant noises picked up in the other room. A bead of sweat rests against his temples knowing the risk he's taking. Quietly, he slipped away into the under-door, creeping down the dark steps. This is something he has become adjusted to when Strade decides to withhold food- and he is none the wiser. The bodies usually have enough damage to be able to scrape from and have it go completely unnoticed. Something to sustain himself until mercy is given..

The silence invites him in. Holding his hands nervously, he began to sniff the air, the scent of blood drawing him in like a cartoonish hand made out of aroma. Before him lies the body of a person, horribly mutilated, with many of Strade's signatures littered throughout their beaten form. It hurt his heart. At least, wherever they've gone, they know that something good has come from their early-parting. He is thankful, and very grateful for their sacrific-

"Eee-!!"

He jumped back in a panic- they're still alive!! Ren felt his joints begin to shake all at once, watching them groggily sit up and moan hopelessly. He shook and shuddered as his eyes began to sting, becoming wet. They stared at each other in mutual confusion.

"...Wh-.. What.. Who are you? What are those?.." They asked, voice coarse and worn.

Ren wasn't sure if he should even respond. However... "..My.. My ears? A-And my tail? ..Yeah, they are real." This was.. Nice. A normal conversation. "I- um.. I can put them away, too. But I'm not really.. Allowed to do that.."

The stranger scanned him curiously. It made him nervous, but they were calm. Quiet. A very nice change of pace. The moment their eyes ran over his legs, it seems like their features had softened, spotting his decorated legs. "..I see. So, what?.. You're like.. An animal?"

"..Kind of. I'm a beastkin.." Ren turned his eyes downward, picking at his cuticles.

"Well.. It's.. Nice to meet you. I'm Bl-" Suddenly, a coughing fit. It made Ren jump and step back, looking on with sympathy. Blood left their lips. "..I'm Blake."

"I-I'm Ren.."

"Hi, Ren.." From this point on, the two carried a very brief, quiet conversation. Ren declined help, but had offered a glass of water. Anything to soothe them in a way that wouldn't get him skinned. He thought it was going well. They were pretty polite, and they talked to him like a friend. Someone who understands.

Suddenly, once it was made aware that Ren can do no more than he's already done, the stranger flicked a finger at him, gesturing to come closer. "I wanna talk to you about something... But you need to come close." The fox followed. In fact, he came close, but was then beckoned even closer. He leaned in to hear- hoping for.. I don't know. An escape plan? A way out?

But then he saw a flash of silver, and felt a hard tear to his skin.

He yelped loudly and jumped back, holding his arm as blood dripped to the floor faster than his tears did. He sniffled and cried, observing his wound, then the captive, then the wound, and back again. His crying only intensified, now stuttering. He's scared. He's so scared. He's so hurt, and betrayed, and scared.

"S-Strade.." He mumbled.

"N-No! Don't you dare!"

"Strade-! STRADE!! STRADE!!" He didn't know what else to do. He's so very frightened! All he wants, all he needs right now is protection- someone to hide behind, to save him. He began howling for his white knight, to Blake's dismay. The louder he yelled, the more he cried.

"No no no! You little shit! Shut up! SHUT UP!!" They shouted back, lunging forward- being stopped only by the restraints.

The sudden launch made Ren stumble back and sob loudly. He would have ran to the stairs if not for the door swinging open, quick-paced and heavy steps coming down. His savior.. "Str- Strade! Help me-!" The bigger man got to the bottom of the stairs, immediately pulling Ren aside to look him over.

"What's-?" He saw the tears. He saw the blood. The air in the room darkened. "You touched my fox?!" He was seeing red. Blinded by possessive rage. Strade stormed across the room, grabbing an axe from the wall.

Seeing his fast approach and look of pure, unfiltered hatred in his eyes made the captive squirm in their place. They panicked, attempting to hide behind the pole they've gotten to know so well- to no avail. They couldn't even get a scream out before the thick metal was lodged into their face, blood working like a fountain as their body slumps over, leaving Ren and Strade alone to take in the soft sound of spewing, and crying. They looked at each other, urging Ren to step away- far away. Making about six feet between them.

"I'm sorry I'm sorry- I'm really sorry!" He immediately went into defensive-mode. Apologizing with the water-works, hoping the other will, for some reason, hold no malice against his bad behavior due to pity. But he knows better than that.

"Stop it!" Strade shouted, the other silencing himself to the best of his abilities. He was going to go into it. Just rip into him about being down here at all, remind him of where he stands in this relationship- but something felt wrong, watching Ren sniffle and whimper while tending to his bloodied wound. He groans. "..Come on. Come here.. I'll fix you.."

His tone seemed safe enough. Ren approached slowly and carefully, allowing Strade to take his hand and lead him upstairs. They went to the bathroom, where Ren took a seat on the toilet, Strade retrieving a clean first aid from the medicine cabinet before finding a spot next to the other. Ren sniffled and offered his arm up to be looked at.

He was washed, sewn up and sanitized, all by the gentle hand of his caretaker. To calm his foxes nerves, he brought a hand over, beginning to pet his ear. "That's it.." Strade cooed, tilting his head as he watched Ren begin to settle. It's so calm in this room. A traumatic experience, a savior and his savee, treating Ren well and taking care of him. He could tell Ren liked it too, the way he leaned into his touch.

But he still misbehaved.

That gentle rub on the beasts ear became a tight grip. Ren yelped, being pulled from the toilet into the corner. He whimpered in fear and squirmed to sit up, raising his hands in defense- not that it helped. Strade gave a swift, hard kick to his ribs, earning a loud, pathetic cry of pain. "What the fuck were you doing down there?!"

"I-I'm-!"

Another kick. Ren has been winded.

"What? You're sorry? No you're not! Not yet!"

Tears stream from his eyes as he coughs out a cry, still using his arms to guard his head and face, curling further in the corner to find some kind of solace. He can't even begin to imagine what Strade has in mind for a wrongdoing such as that. Strade then got down and grabbed him, forcibly dragging him over despite his cries and begs. A stitch or two off his arm were snagged and broken in the struggle, causing him to bleed. A sight that was.. Very interesting.

He lifted the smaller up- his feet left the floor for only a moment. Soon after, Ren felt the cold, hard impact of the bathtub, being dropped down into it. He was dazed, and his weakness persists- A hand finding his head to rub away the ringing. Sorrowful, desperate eyes plead into Strade's own, whimpering in his new enclosure. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm s-sorry, I didn't mean to upse-et you-"

"Sit up! Now!" He didn't have to say it twice. He watched the fox, wobbly and shaking weak as he sat up in the tub, looking up at him with the same sad, pathetic face he always does. He once again reached, but not with cuddly or violent intent- instead running his thumb along the others chin, then bottom lip- then finally, into his mouth. "You've been so bad lately. What's going on, huh? Why such'a naughty boy?.."

A way out. Ren shuddered beneath the others new mood. Self-perseverance is important. He sadly hummed and, hoping to lead the other along, began to lightly suckle on his finger, a blush of sheer humiliation bridging his features. Strade's eyes lit up with potential.

"..Is that it?" There was a chuckle in his voice. "You just want attention?" His suggestion was met with a shy nod. Strade took his finger back, snickering as he began toying with Ren's ears instead. He almost shied away from his touch, but- they're sensitive. It's so easy to fall for. "Maybe it's my fault.. Maybe I wasn't as present as I should have been.. Is that right?" Ren was hesitant to answer, but even so, he nodded. He's enjoying the attention.

He feels special. Like he's the worlds idol. Examining his keeper, he can hear Strade taking deep, slow breaths, and can see his pants have tightened. His bottom lip slipped under his teeth. "That's.. Right.." Spoken barely above a whisper, scooting up to hover the others hips, his eyes asking. Strade understood, a sharp smiling finding his face.

The hand Strade used to rub Ren's ear moved, gripping his hair instead and pulling his face in- cheek resting against his pants, Ren releasing a brief grunt. It isn't very often he gets to indulge in regular, common, arguably vanilla sex, so it's an occurrence cherished. "Mmmm..." A low hum, watching Ren's hand come up, resting gripped on his belt. "You're hungry, aren't you?" A pleading nod. But that's not good enough. His hair was gripped tighter, head lightly shook. "Aren't you?"

"Y-Yes.."

"Mm, sure you are~.." He began to grind against his face, making the foxes mouth drop open- hearty breathing coming from his throat.

"P-Please, please-" The longer Strade is distracted, the longer he is safe. And yet... He can't help but play his own game. This man, with his pretty honey eyes and rough, vile hands has a way of capturing him whole. His thighs are pinched together and rotating, grinding the air as warm, romantic feelings tickle his special-spots. He did this to avoid Strade putting his hands on him- but now, it's all he wants.

"Ooh.. I would love too. But you've been bad, haven't you?" He pulled the beasts face off of him.

He whines loudly. "I'll be good, I'll be good from now on I promise-! Just- Please, Strade, please, please-" Though he says he'll behave, Ren finds himself pulling against Strade's hand in favor of nuzzling back into his trousers, feeling the shapes underneath twitch upon contact. Strade hissed and began unbuckling his belt, making Ren smile wider than he had the whole week. "Th-Thank you-"

---SMUT WARNING !!!---

(Will be safe at next red barrier!!!)

-

-

"-Don't start that yet, tod." He spoke in malice. He knows Ren can't control himself, mouth practically watering at the idea of being presented with his shaft. But as he pulled his pants and briefs down- member bobbing- he leaned away from the beastkin. Hearts formed in Ren's eyes, Strade lightly hissed at the cold air. And... Torment. Ren reached and grabbed hold, only to receive a loud slap in response. "I said don't start any of that! You still don't have permission."

Ren began to nod, rubbing his thighs together with short, quiet whimpers slipping from his lips. "Wh-What do I have to do?"

Strade leaned down and removed the others glasses, setting them aside before resting his heavy, warm shaft on his face, lightly dragging it up and down. Ren gasped in delight, squeezing hold on the bathtub. "I want you to admit what you've done wrong. Tell me.. Why were you downstairs?"

"I-I-" Oh god. If he says anything, he could get punished twice as hard later on. But he can't lie! ...He swallowed his fear. "I we-went down to pick at the body, I-I'm so hungry, Strade.."

"You're hungry?"

"I'm hungry.."

He felt Strade continue to rub. He pulled his member lower, bringing a hand to help guide his tip to Ren's mouth. "Then eat.."

Permission. Almost immediately, Ren opened his mouth wide and closed it around his 'caretakers' cock, suckling and whimpering with pleasure. He transitioned between sucking, to pumping, to licking- anything he could think of to consume this delicious, generous treat he's been given. Above, Strade couldn't keep his mouth shut, softly groaning into the air- feeling Ren's soft hands bury into his clothes to cup and massage his testicles. Leaning his hips forward while resting his hands on his hips, he simply stood and enjoyed as Ren worked. "Aahh... Tighter.." His voice was so gentle. Ren began to squeeze down on his balls, rolling his thumbs into them while bobbing his head, humming with nothing but delight.

Ren's mind-fog was quickly cleared after feeling Strade's brute hands find the back of his head. He could hardly get a thought in before his throat was forced open, immediately gagging against the others skin. His full length was dragging in and out of Ren's mouth, uncontrollably moaning and whining in both distress and pleasure. His claws gripped his keepers hips to cope, listening closely to Strade's rough husky grunts and gasps- he's close.

And yet, deprived him of climax.

He pulled out before he could blow, leaving Ren's mouth with a pop. Both of them panting, one much harder than the other, made way for Strade to continue. "Stand up." He ordered, watching Ren and his shaky legs lift himself up. "Turn around." He gestured a spinning motion with his hand, stepping into the tub with him. He shoved the fox against the wall and held him there by the nape of his neck, forcing his shorts down- leaving Ren to sigh lovingly, poking his butt out for attention- attention he got quick. Strade stepped close and forced himself inside, Ren gripping the tiles on the wall, burying a yell into his arm at the rough, burning sensation. It hurt like a bitch, but it also felt so good to be filled.

"Arm down!" An order that didn't have to be spat twice. Ren moved his arm and rolled his neck, beginning to moan and cry into the open air, coating over the sound of skin smacking skin. He was bleeding, but it made for excellent lubricant- only making Strade faster, slamming into him stronger, forcing him still with a hand gripping Ren's hip, his other pulling tight on his tail.

He loved the sound of his helpless howls. The pain mixed with the pleasure- his punishment for misbehaving, and his reward for being honest. They stayed like this for several minutes. The pain had eventually melted away into overwhelming, vibrant enjoyment, Ren grabbing at the wall for some kind of support. Strade, feeling himself about to pop, came closer and dug his nails into Ren's hips, lifting his feet off the ground for a closer position, slamming and railing into his entrance while dry heaving under the others loud moans and pleasure-sobs. Strade let out a deep, coarse growl as he came, filling Ren up enough to leak once he pulled out.

His knees shivered. About to lean for his shorts to finish up, Ren was interrupted- Strade forcibly turning him around- now facing each other. "Take a seat." He gestured to the toilet. Back to square one. Shuffling weakly out of the tub, he plopped down on the toilet lid, looking to the older man for further instructions. He was told to stay. Strade fixed his clothing and exited the room, leaving him alone with his thoughts.

He is still hungry. And now his body hurts- still shaking off the after-jitters. In a way, he feels disappointed in himself. How easily he caved, welcoming with open arms another way for this man to hurt him. It was almost sad. Almost.

Soon enough, Strade rejoined him, a handheld camera in hand. Ren knows the differences between his personal and "professional" filming equipment- solace coming from knowing this little thing is personal. it was filming, and it was on him. "Touch yourself.. Finish for me.." His breath was laced throughout his words.

Happily.

Ren shuddered and lightly grabbed his own member, still hard and undone. He whined upon stroking himself, panting softly- wearing the best suitable expression for Strade's pretty movie. His voice became light and pampered, spreading his knees and holding his hips out for the best view, releasing short moans, one for every tight pump. Strade wore a devious grin, hardly watching the camera screen, keeping his eyes locked directly onto Ren instead, infatuated with the ridges along his cock, the pretty, shiny bead of precum resting off his tip. His sounds became more desperate, a hopeless buck of his hips- rolling his head back to rest. Soon enough, his body began to jerk and flinch, voice sounding strained and whiny- and finally, a pop, releasing thick strings of semen onto the floor. Strade breathed deeply as a result. The camera, after getting a shot of the mess on the tiles and Ren's blushing face, was shut off and tucked away.

-

-

---SMUT OVER. SAFETY ZONE !!!---

Strade took extra care in cleaning each of them up, resewing some plucked stitches during the excitement for his fox. Dressed, tired, entirely worn out, and emotionally exhausted, Ren clung to his keeper, being carried to the master bedroom. This is a rare moment of calm. Stillness. He was set down upon the bed, Strade moving back for him to get cozy on his own. It's always such a privilege laying in this specific bed. It smells like him.. He can find loose hair on the pillows, discarded, not-yet-washed laundry in the hamper- despite the crimes that have been committed on this mattress, it still brings him comfort.

Ren was then left alone. Just.. Allowed to sleep in the big bed. Allowed to rest up and recover after such violence, and the trauma of betrayal. Looking at the patched wound on his arm, he can't help but feel his eyes sting, snuggling into the pillow to soothe himself.

Ren was not a person right now. Not to Strade. He was something to enjoy. Like taking your favorite stuffed animal to bed with you, this is exactly what he did- arriving back to the room with a bowl of snacks, making the foxes ears perk up. He nestled into bed next to him, inviting a cuddle- and a pick at the bowl. "Don't be greedy, now. Eat something.."

Snuggling in bed. Watching TV. Running by a 'one for you, two for me' policy on the treats- not that Ren minded, he got to have something in his belly. It was... Nice. It won't last long, he knows it won't- but for the time he has it, a nice Strade, he's going to enjoy it.

[extra-v1rgin]

.　 . • ☆ . ° .• °:. *₊ ° . ☆

NSFT MATERIAL AHEAD

This fic contains: chastity/cock cages, anal fingering, rimming, oral sex, 69, light c&bt (like very very light)

.　 . • ☆ . ° .• °:. *₊ ° . ☆

Giyuu has a bit of a boner problem. He can’t remember when it started exactly, only a vague sense of the period. The important part is simply the fact that the problem exists. Someone will bump shoulders or touch his back or even be friendly to someone else entirely in his mere presence, and immediately blood will rush southward.

It’s most likely the result of years of isolation leaving him desperate for any kind of contact. Tomioka doesn’t acknowledge that actively, but the idea always lingers in the back of his mind.

Solving this problem isn’t easy either. Well, it’s easy to occasionally fuck a stranger or be fucked by one, but that only fixes his problem for a week or so. The man didn’t think he had a particularly high libido. This issue seems to disprove that.

So even though he still sleeps with someone in a passing town on occasion, Tomioka has also found a slightly more permanent solution. It doesn’t fix the way his stomach twists, but it keeps him from exposing anyone else to his shame.

The cage that sits on his cock is sized perfectly. Custom made it curves slightly with his dick and leaves almost no wiggle room. Every time his body even thinks of getting hard it’s easily dissuaded by the cool metal bars keeping him soft. At most, his dick can let out a weak twist or grow a few centimeters. After a while the uncomfortable aspects of it fade and he has something to keep him protected.

Nobody else is aware of this. The only person who would know is the shopkeeper who held his cock and fitted the cage around it. Occasionally he replays the feeling of a gloved hand circling his length almost callously. During these moments it’s usually because he’s taken the device off in anticipation of relieving himself.

People get close a few times, too close to comfort. Whether Shinobu is checking out a cut on his leg or he’s forced to share a room with someone (for a wide array of reasons) the fear of getting caught makes his problem try to revive. Still, it’s never really happened and over the months Giyuu has grown more lax in reference to it.

Which is not very smart. Especially not when he is sparring with Uzui who has him pinned down. His hips are pinned against the floor, a knee digging into his back. This is the exact kind of situation that would usually inspire a boner. It seems that while his cock is contained for the moment another— completely unprecedented —issue has cropped up. The hard metal usually fades into the back of his mind, as restricting as it is. In this position, it slightly digs into the tender member. Giyuu has to hold back a dozen whimpers (of pain and slight pleasure because wow, Tengen is strong and tough and handsome).

Uzui doesn’t pin him down for long, but Tomioka still groans once he’s finally released. His dick feels sore, but not actually hurt. The man will probably free himself from the cage regardless. (Once he’s alone and not staring at Tengen’s shiny bulging muscles.)

As he rises to his feet Giyuu tries not to pay too much attention to his dick. It sits normally within his fundoshi, there’s no reason to think about how good it’ll feel when he frees it from the restraints.

“I give up, will you leave me alone now?” Tomioka wasn’t sure as to why Tengen had cornered him— asked to spar —in the first place. Now that he had been beaten down there was no point in continuing.

Predictably Uzui smirks and refutes the question. “After one beating? You’re not gonna improve if you act so weak.”

“You’re the one who wanted to fight. Sparring with me won’t help you much anyways.”

“Don’t be so unflamboyant! You should always give it your all.” Uzui tosses Giyuu’s bokken back to him. It was knocked away shortly after he was pinned down.

Though it’d be easy for Tomioka to catch the weapon as it soars through the air he lets it clatter to the ground in front of his feet. Afterward, he does bend down to scoop it up, but the message, that he’s not interested in play fights with the hashira, is hopefully clear. His grip remains loose on the sword. When Uzui dares to rush forward still and Giyuu’s grip tightens immediately. Even with his skills, the harder blow knocks him slightly back. Tengen doesn’t hold back for even a second. Though Tomioka has a certain distastes for the way the hashira carries himself, he’s still an amazing sword-fighter. That doesn’t mean that he has the advantage. Tengen isn’t quite used to fighting with a bokken, so different from his usual swords. It’s barely perceptible. The way he holds the handle is too low. Giyuu aims to block the edge of the strike. It throws him off balance.

It should be easy for Giyuu to close in and topple the man. Uzui likes to play dirty, however. Letting his sword drop to the floor he grabs onto Tomioka’s bicep and simply tosses the smaller man over his shoulder. He’s so completely unprepared for the strange attack. Flying upward easily his waist is tucked inside the man’s hold. His legs dangle much in the same way his arms do. It’s a humiliating position and once again makes his dick twitch. Normally that’d be a problem, but now the problem is that he’s wearing a cage in the first place. The sturdy metal is easy to feel through the thin layers of fabric covering his shame. Usually, the cage hides easily underneath the baggy uniform. It’s not meant to be seen, or rather felt, in such close proximity. There’s certainly no way Tengen doesn’t realize what the situation is, not with his expertise in certain activities.

Giyuu is pretty sure his heart has stopped completely. His carefully controlled breathing breaks as he takes in a strangled gasp. On the other side, he can feel Tengen let out a similar huff.

There’s a pause for a moment. Giyuu tenses up while Uzui manages to stay relaxed. His hands are still weakly clawing at the man’s shirt.

When he’s suddenly dropped Giyuu can’t even turn properly. His back hits the floor, though the small fall leaves no lingering pain. Stumbling back upwards he returns the bokken to its proper spot against the wall.

“I told you I didn’t want to fight.” His words are slightly harsher now. Shame turns into sharp daggers forming from his lips.

Tengen seems unshaken. “Now I always know why you’re so stiff. Having a stick up your ass is supposed to be figurative.” He stops and then laughs at his own joke.

Tomioka’s cheeks go a furious red as he tries not to react.

“Don’t be so down!” Uzui approaches him again and slaps him hard on the back. “I mean worse things can happen. Kanroji-san has probably flashed half the corps at this point.” He laughs again. Giyuu is much less amused.

“I’m not like that. I mean, not…” His words die out as his lips dry.

“Not promiscuous? Whatever’s around your dick says otherwise.”

Tomioka lets out a little noise that might be a hiss or grunt. He doesn’t know how to make it any clearer that he doesn’t want to talk about any of this.

“C’mon man, it’s sex. I’m pretty sure even Gyomei fucks.”

“I’m not a puritan, I just don’t care to talk about this.”

“Fine fine, I won’t tell anyone anyways.” Maybe his voice softens. Uzui always has that sort of tone that seems too light for whatever he’s discussing.

Giyuu’s shoulders dip slightly. He’s still stiff. It’s not really him relaxing, just an attempt. “Sorry.”

“What? I said it’s ok. You can not talk about whatever you want. Or do talk? I don’t care.” It sounds a little rude, the way he says it, but also nice. Usually, Tomioka’s conversations only last a few words.

“Right, sorry.” The word slips from his lips without thought. “I mean, thanks.”

His mistake manages to make Uzui laugh. His back receives another heavy smack as the man puts his bokken back in place as well. “You’re not so bad Tomioka-san! We should spar more.”

“No thank you.”

“Ha! We’ll see about that.”

—-

They don’t spar again, but Uzui seems keen on bothering Tomioka. His pestering isn’t very prevalent, but it’s more interaction than before. That is to say that it’s gone up from zero.

He’s rejected several invites to spar, among other things. Giyuu isn’t used to the extra social interaction. It’s a bit tiring.

Worse is Uzui’s interest in his peculiar problem. The man never asks outright (except for when they come across one another in a hot spring, and Tengen’s eyes widen. He asks, “Are you wearing it now?” in an incredulous tone. (Giyuu is not wearing it.)), but he likes to hint at it. His oogling is rather obvious, even if Uzui acts like he’s suave.

Tomioka isn’t sure how to feel about the attention. It’s been a long time since he’s built proper relations with someone. This isn’t quite proper, not the right word to use, but it’s some form of closeness. Anything is closeness compared to nothing at all.

And sometimes Uzui is good company. He’ll talk about his wives or art or something other than sex for a few moments. He doesn’t mind Tomioka’s silence or short answers. Tengen loves the sound of his own voice and continues to rant even when the lack of interest is mostly clear.

But Tengen still does mostly talk about sex. Giyuu isn’t partial to the subject, though he isn’t bothered by it either. It exists in that space between annoying and friendly that Uzui seems to thrive in. Boundaries are almost non-existent.

Finally, Tengen asks the question outright. “Come on man are you ever gonna let me see it or not?”

“What?”

“I mean you’re cool to hang out with, don’t get me wrong, but how obvious do I have to be!”

“…What?”

Tengen’s hand clamps down on Giyuu’s shoulder, the other covering his face. There might be a pink tint to his cheeks. “I wanna see the fuckin’ thing you have on your dick.”

Shit. Giyuu is wearing it right now. It’s doing its job the way he can feel it constricting his cock. He wishes his whole body had a similar hiding spot. One where he could curl up and die.

They’re sitting on the engawa. Tengen’s wives were there upon arrival, though they disappeared after stepping back inside. Lunch has been discarded in favor of some light drinks. Uzui is nowhere near drunk but his tongue still seems to be loose enough.

Tomioka hopes that some of the red on his cheeks can be brushed off as the effects of the alcohol. Never mind that he’s barely had a few sips of whatever drink Uzui pulled out. As silence hangs in the air Giyuu finishes the rest of his cup. It lights his insides on fire even more, spurring his mouth to open.

“Sure.” The man isn’t really focusing on what he’s saying as Tengen immediately shuffles in front of him. He settles in the grass, uncaring about the damp ground against his clothes.

Giyuu is wearing his uniform despite the other man’s casual garb. It takes a moment to mess with his belt, a painfully long stretch of time. The silence is only punctuated by the clanging of the metal as his hands scurry to unclasp it. Despite the sense of urgency he takes care to set the belt gently beside him. Tomioka struggles once more to then unbutton his pants. Uzui helps afterward, sliding the pants out from underneath his ass. They come all the way off, Tengen discarding them with much less discretion. Socks are peeled off too while the younger man waits patiently in his fundoshi. Satisfied with Uzui’s care he stops his own motions to give up control.

Uzui moves slowly. It’s not exactly teasing but close enough. His hands move over Giyuu’s calves, stopping to squeeze the muscle there. Tengen eventually traces his way up to his hips. The thin strings are easy to pull apart, finally exposing Tomioka. While he’s not necessarily shy (solitary by choice and not any sort of nervousness despite his general lack of social skills) having his caged dick exposed to one of his (very hot, though most of the hashira are) coworkers. There’s a bit of pushback when his thighs are pulled apart to fully expose the member.

“It’s small.” The words slip out naturally. Tengen tries to cover up the comment with a cough. When his eyes dart away he misses the twitch of Giyuu’s cock. “You just keep it in here the whole time?”

It’s hard to construct full sentences when Uzui is kneeling between his legs. “Y-yea, well I mean not if I’m bathing.” His tongue goes numb again when the man looks up. The annoying stray hairs that stick out from his hairband hang over his eyes.

“Do you jack off?” They’re still making eye contact. Uzui’s maroon eyes are dark. Giyuu tries not to stare too hard into them otherwise he can see his own red face reflection.

“Uh- it’s um, yea. It’s off then too.”

His hands brush forward to feel the metal. Tomioka almost jumps out of his skin. The dark eyes move back off his face and again towards his dick. It’s hard to say which is more torturous. His typically careful breathing has become stuttered and hesitant.

Jostling the cage slightly Uzui tugs on the base to see how much give it has. There’s a slight bit of movement allowed, though only enough for a small wiggle. When his fingers press against the bars rough skin can brush against his length.

Deciding that the bit of contact is permission for more hands-on handling Tengen pokes the head of Giyuu’s cock through the metal. It’s drooling, clearly aroused despite its restraints. Tomioka lets out a weak pant as he watches the other man toy with his dick. Uzui’s face is concentrated, eyes focused on each twitch and pulse. It’s a pure focus which is surprisingly erotic. Maybe it’s sexy purely because Uzui acts like he’s not stroking off another hashira.

His fingers release the length to dip beneath and cradle Giyuu’s balls. They’re red, drawn up tightly in anticipation of a release that won’t happen. As fingers brush over the delicate skin it’s clear that every part of Giyuu is hypersensitive. Each touch and nudge force another gasp from his lips.

“Can you cum like this?” Uzui’s voice has dropped slightly. The tone holds what could be slight awe? Maybe he’s just excited to try and push the limits of the man.

Tomioka covers his mouth with a hand. He has to take long slow breaths before even thinking about answering. “I’ve never tried.” He’s scared of telling Uzui that although he’s never cum dry personally, it is possible. The man is probably already aware of that, but saying it out loud seems like it’s an invitation to be tortured in such a way.

“Why wear it then?”

Tomioka gulps. “I uh- I can’t control myself sometimes… physically.” The reasoning sounds flimsy once it leaves his mouth. In the moment it feels as foolish a solution as cutting off his dick entirely.

Tengen laughs, loud and maybe a little cruel. “Is it that bad? I certainly think you’re doing a good job right now.” As he speaks he moves up to focus on the base of the cage. It’s tucked right behind his balls, drawing them away from his body. He tugs lightly on the ring, drawing another gasp from Tomioka. The top of Uzui’s thumb pushes against the small lock keeping everything in place.

“Do you have the key on you?”

Fuck. Giyuu can’t even answer. He just draws the necklace out from underneath his shirt, key threaded through a simple string. The man passes it over when trembling fingers. Anticipation of being freed makes his dick plump up even against the restraints.

But Uzui doesn’t free him. He takes the necklace and with an evil grin drops it into his chest pocket.

Giyuu doesn’t expect to let out a loud and shocked whine, but it slips out. His hand rushes to try and mute his mouth. It doesn’t work entirely and probably just makes him look more vulnerable and pathetic. “Aren’t you going to-“ Tomioka can’t even finish the sentence. Uzui keeps a firm hold of his balls, effectively leashing the man. When he squeezes them, even lightly, another whine slips out.

“Am I what?” Uzui’s eyebrows raise. It’s scary and seductive. It’s Giyuu’s favorite combination.

He smiles knowingly as he finally answers the question. “Maybe. Are you going to be good for me?” Uzui’s voice drops at the end, low and deliciously gravely.

Giyuu knows how to be good. As soon as he nods Uzui rubs the root of his dick. The reward is small but incredibly satisfactory.

“You like it when I touch you?” There’s an underlying question. Do you want me to touch you? Tomioka is quick to nod again. This is a second solution to his problem after all.

Tengen’s hand lowers to brush against Giyuu’s perineum. It’s so close to his hole, twitching with need. “Here too?”

He goes to nod again, again. Giyuu is stopped by a click of the other man’s tongue.

“I don’t know if you really mean that. You’re so quiet. It shows disinterest, you know?” As he speaks he tilts Giyuu back a little more, so he can devilishly circle the opening.

His mouth struggles to form any words. For a few moments, he can only force out small groans. “Y-yes, I want it.”

“More specific?”

Giyuu wants to die right now. He can’t decide if this is heaven or hell. “Want- want you.”

Tengen lets out a heavy groan. “Not exactly what I was looking for, but fuck I’ll take it.” He pulls away only to grab a small jar of oil from his pants. Maybe it should be surprising but isn’t quite. That seems par for the course with Uzui.

Letting his finger get properly soaked there’s no teasing this time. One moment Tomioka is empty and the next there’s a thick finger diving inside of him. Tengen talks the whole time, words dripping with lust.

“You’re so loose here. Do you play with yourself or do you just let others do it hmm? I forget quiet people like you are always whores.”

It’s clear Tomioka likes the attention. He lays further back on the engawa to angle his ass outwards more. The sun is blinding from above, but his eyes would be shut even if it wasn’t there. Uzui is skilled with his fingers. It only takes a few moments for him to sneak another inside. His fingers are much, much, thicker than Giyuu’s own. Two of his are equal to three of the smaller man’s.

He wishes he was in a proper bed with Uzui. As Giyuu’s hands claw at the wood, he wants to wrap them up in fabric sheets. It’s slightly degrading, which is sexy and a little bit sad in a way.

But Tengen pushes forward and places a soft kiss over the edge of the cage. Tomioka can’t even feel anything except the soft breath that follows. It wasn’t done to stimulate him, just a soft show of affection.

The kisses that follow after do make it to his skin. Uzui opens his mouth to stick his tongue through the bars.

As the smaller man sits up again and curls around the head stimulating him, his hands sink into Uzui’s hair. Fingers twitching he pulls out the sleek ponytail to get a better grip on the white locks. Giyuu doesn’t pull hard, but using the hair as a grounding it gets tugged on slightly.

Tengen looks up. His lips are covered in spit, pretty and wet. The caged cock sits on his chin. “Do you wanna cum like this? I’ll milk you dry and won’t even get hard.” There’s a bit of drool leaking from the corner of the man’s lips. Tomioka feels dizzy. He can’t focus on anything. There’s still two fingers lightly curled inside his ass. Saliva is filling his mouth. “I w-want uh-“ His hips slip back onto the fingers more. He keeps tugging at Tengen’s hair, urging him upwards. Falling onto him Giyuu sucks on his lips. His kiss is quickly returned, fingers still stroking his insides.

Something breaks inside him slightly. He wants Uzui to hold him and really fuck him. His wives too, they should’ve done this before the women left. But for now it’s what he’ll settle for.

A third finger slides inside his ass. They move deeper inside him until they nudge against his prostate. When they do his tongue falls into Uzui’s mouth and down his throat. He doesn’t know how to get closer to the man than he already is. He feels dishonest in a way, wanting more than just sex.

Giyuu can barely pry his eyes open. When he does his lashes are thick as they cover his dark pupils. He pulls back slightly to let out a loud moan.

“Tengen-“ The first name falls from his lips easily somehow. “I need more. I need- ngh…” It breaks off into another loud moan as his prostate is stroked again.

Uzui presses a heavy wet kiss to his chin. “I know what you need. I’m gonna give it to you, don’t worry.”

And he does give. Uzui is petting and poking and grinding until it all melts into pleasure. Tomioka can barely tell what's going on. He pushes and pulls with every prompt obediently. It’s a blur of feeling as his cock twitches and leaks.

And it happens suddenly when his g-spot is stroked one last time. His dick twitches and despite the fact that he’s still soft it dribbles out a little more clear fluid. The orgasm is painful in a way. The pleasure is burning until it becomes fire spreading through his bones. Uzui is saying something that Giyuu can’t hear over the fuzz in his ears. Hands are moving over his body and face. His back is stuck in an arched position, muscles still pulled taught.

When the fingers slowly slide out of his ass it’s like torture. It drags out the overstimulation and leaves him tender and open. The whine that leaves Giyuu’s lips accentuates that.

Tengen has to placate him with softer kisses.

“How was that?” There’s a cockiness that’s obvious. Uzui thinks very highly of his sex skills, for good reason.

Giyuu can’t answer. His tongue feels heavy in his mouth. For a few minutes, he just pushes out unintelligible mumbles while trying to make actual words leave his lips.

“G-good. Uzui-san I- fuck.”

“C’mon, I heard you use my first name before. Do I need to fuck you to hear it again?”

Tears are pooling in the corners of his eyes. “Yea…” It seems he’s only focused on the word “fuck” sliding his hips back again. “It hurts Uzui.” Tomioka is pawing at his chest again, groping at the pocket that holds the key to his cage. There’s a different kind of desperation now. The orgasm was amazing, but a lack of satisfaction leaves him burning.

“What’re you gonna do when I unlock you?”

“Cum, please? I need a real one.” Tomioka bites his lip, resting his head on Tengen’s shoulder. Now that he can focus on the aftermath more it feels like someone has lit his dick on fire.

A soothing hand keeps running over his hair, occasionally creeping down his back. “I haven’t cum either. It’s rude to only think about yourself! What about a trade huh?”

Immediately hands are darting towards his pants and groping at the tent there. Tengen tries to get a word in but anything he wanted to say is interrupted with a loud groan. For someone so quiet and lonely Giyuu moves quick when it comes to sex. He’s tugging at Tengen’s waistband until there’s enough room to slip his hand inside and beneath the fundoshi. He’s grateful the other man doesn’t have a belt on to struggle with.

“F-fuck man give me a sec.” Uzui has to peel the man off of him. Giyuu looks up with confused eyes and messy hair that frames his pink face. “Not like that come here.”

Tengen stands, taking Tomioka with him. Hands wrap around his neck and the cage brushes up underneath Uzui’s shirt to leak over his stomach.

They end up on the outlook of the engawa. Despite the situation, Giyuu ends up sitting in an awkwardly proper seiza. Large fingers are messing with the cage. It’s always hard to unlock, even having done it dozens of times. Uzui struggling to slide the key in and remove the base is expected even if it prolongs his torture.

Finally the lock clicks and opens. The cage is perfectly sized so it won’t hurt him, but there’s an immense feeling of relief. Tengen doesn’t even have to pull the rest of it off. Metal slides down his dick as it starts to harden immediately. He’s worn it for longer this time. Though Giyuu takes the bars off routinely to clean his dick and let it rest he hasn’t properly cum in nearly three weeks. It was the culmination of jacking off nearly every day to thoughts of Uzui playing with him like this and then locking himself away as an almost punishment.

It’s tiring in a way too. Cumming dry took a lot out of him and having more sex sounds like too much work. The thought of sleeping is more appetizing at the moment.

That quickly changes once Uzui is playing with the edge of his cock. He pulls the head free from the foreskin around it, touching the slick skin. It takes another moment of shuffling around— Tomioka can’t focus on anything other than heat and skin —to get into a proper position. He’s sitting on Tengen’s chest which makes it awfully hard to kiss him but he bends over anyways.

“How clean are you?” Uzui has to hold him back again to speak. “You were clean enough for fingers but what about something else? Not my dick, we’ll have to really prepare for that.”

“I’m clean.” He’s rocking back against Uzui’s chest. It feels a thousand times better now that his cock is free.

Rewarded with another kiss Tengen’s hands clamp down on his hips. Once they separate Giyuu is spun around and pushed downwards.

His ass looks delectable hanging in the air. Uzui doesn’t let up for a single moment, dragging the ass toward his face. Giyuu catches on quickly, settling backward and carefully balancing his weight.

Prying apart the cheeks in front of him Uzui licks over the rim. It’s already loose from his earlier fingering, allowing his tongue to slide in easily. Tomioka is immediately panting and whining again, pushing and pulling his hips with the movement of the muscle inside of him. Every once in a while the tip of his dick slides over the edge of Uzui’s shirt, lighting his body up with pleasure.

Once Tengen has fallen into a rhythm Giyuu feels comfortable to fall forward. At some point, the older man’s pants came off. His length is laying in full view, practically begging to be touched. With the other man’s height, it’s hard to reach his dick, but with a bit of prompting and coordination eventually, Tomioka is able to rub the head of the thick cock over his lips. The dick underneath is ginormous. It takes a few moments for him to open his mouth and attempt to wrap his lips around the obtrusion. He rubs his tongue over Uzui’s tip for a few moments to taste the salt of the skin. Once he wants to take the dick deeper inside the man has to flatten his tongue to the base of his mouth. Gargling loudly Giyuu plunges the dick further inside his throat.

Tengen is eager to show his appreciation. There’s no way for his tongue to fit inside Tomioka more, so instead one of his arms rises to stimulate the man from the outside. His fingers probe Giyuu’s perineum just below his balls. After a brief massage, he finally wraps his hand around the freed cock.

The actions feed into each other. Every time Uzui pulls on the man’s foreskin or licks over the rim of his ass Giyuu chokes down more cock. He can only fit about half of the length into his mouth, but the rest is covered in a thick layer of spit. Hands lightly squeeze and release the base. The saliva coating it makes great lube as his fingers rub over veins and wrinkles.

Eventually, he has to find reprieve and take the cock out of his throat. Taking in a few deep breaths he lets the leaking head rest against his cheek. Sliding down he rests his face in the short nest of pubic hair, neatly trimmed white. There’s now a trail of precum against the side of his face. Uzui’s dick hangs over his head as Giyuu starts to lick at the base. His hand can’t even wrap around it fully. Now his fingers dart up to caress the tip. His blunt nails edge over the slit like the man does to himself when he’s alone and thinking of things just like this situation that aren’t ever supposed to be real.

Without a dick lodged inside his throat, it’s much easier to feel what’s happening to his body. His own cock is being squeezed and milked like it’s an udder, dragged from the base to the tip. The motion is repeated over and over while precum leaks from the tip and runs over Uzui’s collarbones. The end of his cock is red and wet, begging for release once more. All the feelings from before are multiplied tenfold without any kind of barrier in the way. It’s probably clear what he’s feeling as his hips twitch and ride backward onto the tongue inside of him.

Just as he can feel another wave of pleasure creeping up over the horizon Tengen pulls back. He has to wait for the frustrated moans to stop before saying his piece. “I’m not letting you cum before I do this time, so stop half-assing it.” His words are punctuated with a hearty squeeze of Giyuu’s ass. Blunt fingernails dig into the warm flesh leaving tiny red marks behind. He waits until Tomioka begins moving again to lean in himself. Soothing the irritated skin Tengen rubs over it until leaning in to taste Giyuu’s ass once more. He doesn’t play with the other’s dick as much, pulling and massaging the skin in a devilishly teasing way.

Tomioka is much more direct. He pushes his tongue against the bottom of his mouth and manages to fit more of the length down his mouth than before. Breathing carefully through his nose the man bobs up and down, occasionally dipping below the normal threshold of what he can fit in his throat. Each time he pulls back there’s a slight burn in his throat. The feeling will linger for a few days reminding Giyuu of this moment.

Despite the earlier break his orgasm starts to build up again. It starts as a small feeling in the pit of his stomach that moves downwards. With fear of being forced to wait again for release, he bobs his head up and down quicker. Tomioka’s mouth is mostly stuffed but he tries to move his tongue. It doesn’t work amazingly. Uzui is letting out satisfied groans, however, so he continues with the motions. A few times his teeth get close to skimming over the skin in his fervor. Giyuu slows down slightly and focuses more on using his hands again. Though his fingers aren’t small by any means they’re not as large and thick as Uzui’s. His fingers aren’t as good as massaging over the skin. Tomioka keeps losing his grip every time the rim of his ass is licked over again.

Tengen is nice, he decides to let Giyuu cum first after all. As his dick drips into the hand stroking him Giyuu tries not to lose his hold on Uzui. Slowly the man does pull back, letting his length hang free again.

Tomioka dedicates his full attention to the cock now, though there’s still a gentle tongue stimulating his backside. It takes a few more rounds of deep throating and squeezing but eventually, he manages to draw an orgasm out of the larger hashira. Most of it leaks out from his mouth and back onto Tengen’s abdomen. He does swallow what fits in his mouth. For a moment he dips down to lick up more but Uzui is manhandling him again until they’re chest to chest.

“Maybe I should keep this.” The key lies against his chest.

Tomioka moves quickly and snatches it back. “No way.” His voice has already gone back to its flat quality.

Tengen laughs weakly, slaps Giyuu’s ass, and pulls him in for another kiss.

[asukaskerian]

I love the Cherry Wine verse so much!! Do you have a headcanon for how Izuna is perceived in this verse that would not be too spoilery? I am super curious to know if the other Uchihas see him as Madara's flirty little brother or more like the normal one vs. Madara being the odd one who doesn't have flings.

Izuna is perceived as the sociable one who understands how to be reasonable and can serve as a bridge between Madara's intractable "i have a vision!" and the council's dozens of different opinions and personal goals. A touch of "i remember him as a bratty teen lol" and izuna does invite people to tease back and forth as a friendly thing, which madara does not even when he's being friendly just on account of his resting bitch face. izuna is clearly your superior in rank, but he will laugh as you roast him! (while making careful note of what you say in case he ever needs to pay you back.)

as for sexuality, they're finding izuna's "i'm sociable" thing extends very nicely into "i flirt and seduce people for the fun of it, make sure people leave happy, and never push it into making them think it's anything serious or that it will lead to them gaining an advantage" so he's a model of responsible beta behavior on that front... and madara is also a model of good alpha behavior! never going sniffing after potential lovers alone (or at all), removes himself from the vicinity of any and all omegas coming into heat with polite haste but can control himself perfectly if he can't leave, no gross comments, etc etc. it's almost like he was beaten over the head with "you don't have a right to your own sexuality" ever since he was a child or something. :X

Alphas are renowned to have big libidos but self restrain on that front is a big thing, so Madara being demisexual and so not even experiencing attraction all that often is not even on their radar and instead they just think it's something to praise him about. Izuna has a better idea of Madara's lack of interest in sexual conquests but at the same time he kinda worried it was his fault for not finding the right people to introduce and not helping Madara feel more integrated with the clan, because Madara never bothered to bring it up at all before the second fic.

the only problem for most people is that they haven't started looking into marriage partners, tbh. since they have no parents to select their wives, they feel like izuna should have whole lists of potentials vetted and ready to go and that madara should be meeting one set a week until they've made a choice. that part is very odd and frustrating for the clan and they have no idea where it's coming from.

[wandringaesthetic]

I did not really want to romance any of my students but figured I'd get the most out of marrying the most plot-relevant one.

So,

This is the first Fire Emblem game I have beaten! I played a decent chunk of Awakening back in the day but I lost it and my DS on a plane and that really made me feel bitter towards the whole series for a while!

Nothing is ever going to quite fill the hole that Suikoden left in my heart but some of these games probably come the closest. Dozens of little anime characters. arbitrarily fixate on a few of them.

I am interested in the other routes but I think it will be a long time before I return because there is only so much tactical RPG I can tolerate at a time. I played it on... Normal/casual mode and I think if I go through the other routes I'll do it on hard, but I wish there was a difficulty in between these because I often felt it was too easy BUT IIRC I think I dropped the difficulty down after I started it (I played the first few hours of it like a year ago (or more???) and then picked it back up so I don't remember so well)

One gets a strange impression of this game from its discourse. I get the idea (and this may be completely wrong because I only know vague things about the other routes) that really all of the house leaders were kinda right and kind of the heroes of their own story, i.e. they made understandable choices given the experiences and information they had. Well, Dimitri did go a little off the deep end for a minute but I reckon you can have a little bit of torturing your enemies to death. As a treat. I feel like maybe people get so used to the storytelling of mainstream American cinema where there are supposed to be Good Guys and Bad Guys that they can't get a read on pretty much anything else, even if it's something so simple as "perhaps if these teenagers had been dealt a better hand by fate they would not have done all the war crimes."

What I'm saying is ultimately the whole thing is kind of a tragedy but I guess all's well that ends well because you're green-haired anime Jesus. (???? Or whatever is going on there)

I need to play Edelgard's route because I understand that is the traditional JRPG "fuck the church, kill God" route but I'm glad I chose the Lions' route because I adopted all these children, especially Felix "while you were out partying I studied the blade" Fraldarius.

[dreaminginthedeepsouth]

Ulysses is a lot of things, but the aspect that has long held me most closely is the lesson of how surrender must come before intimacy. For most of the book, which is partly an allegory of a hobbled, down-beaten artistic sentiment finding its way back to love, passion, and the source of creation, the principal protagonists – Molly and Leopold Bloom, husband and wife – are at rough ends. They’ve not made love in ten years, and through the narrative, we learn they’ve found a way to cope with their frustrated desires. Leopold is always looking out at other women, rather creepily. He’s a bit of a twerp, trying to sneak glimpses down blouses or staring unobtrusively at the round of a bottom and hoping not to be noticed. In one chapter, he publicly has at himself on the beach while watching Gerty MacDowell and her “rosebud mouth” as she stands in the water. There are fireworks. Joyce makes it entertaining. But it's still a guy jerking off while watching a teenager bathe.

Meanwhile, Molly has her lovers, and that very day meets with Blazes Boylan, a crude and foolish man who treats her like “a horse or an ass,” never really seeing her - only what she can give him, the release she provides with her body.

It’s pretty clear that Joyce intended, at least in part, for the book to be an allegory for the destruction of unity brought about by colonialism in his homeland. Blazes is positioned as a stand-in for the British Army of occupation. Molly is Ireland's fecundity and the Irish culture’s depth and sensuality. Leopold is the wandering spirit and intellect of a distraught, belittled cuckold, an artist neutered by the world and beaten down to voyeurism and self-indulgence.

But Molly and Leopold still remember one another, deep under the pain. In one telling passage, Molly – after sleeping with Blazes – reflects that for all Boylan’s performative virility, Bloom “has more spunk in him.”

They both know where they belong, in the end - with love and with one another, if only they can get out of their own damn way. But history, defeat, insecurity, anger, frustration, and disappointment keep them wandering apart – like ancient Ulysses himself – for ten long years, lost at sea.

Until the surrender.

The book ends with Molly Bloom’s famous soliloquy, in which she repeats dozens and dozens of times the word “YES.” It is a beautiful moment of self-awareness and self-assertion, but even more sensually, that self-awareness and self-assertion manifest themselves in a release of her own perpetual negation. She says YES all those times in the final chapter because she has grown so weary of saying NO. She and Leopold have been saying NO to one another for a decade. They’ve grown isolated, scornful, and cruel, striking out at one another and debasing themselves. They’ve built walls and hidden behind them, scurrying around out of fear and shame and pain and the lost battles of long ago.

Until Molly – the great, sensual spirit and passion that swims below everything – finally surrenders, lays down her arms and remembers what it is to love. She says yes.

Does Leopold?

Joyce doesn’t tell us, but I like to think that – at the end of the longest day – he’s finally wise enough to do so, too.

Yes.

Happy Bloomsday. I hope you celebrate by dropping whatever axes you hold toward those in your life with meaning and history, and that you open your arms again in love.

Yes.

[Michael J. Tallon]

[NOTE * Mary E. Donnelly]

(You’re confusing Gerty MacDowell with the bird girl at the end of A Portrait here. Both are on the beach, but Gerty is not in the water: she’s babysitting during a fireworks show. She knows Bloom is watching her: the narrative voice of Nausicaa is hers.

None of this takes away from the larger and more salient point you’re making here: Bloom comes home, and after seeing Stephen off, brushes the crumbs of infidelity out of the bed and climbs in. Molly, pretending to sleep, knows pretty much exactly what he’s been up to, but she too chooses love and peace. It’s truly transcendent.)

[catonator]

Games Beaten In 2024: Penny’s Big Breakaway

Call me a games journalist, ‘cus I’m giving attention to an indie game made by (some) people I know.

AAA gaming nowadays is a little like being chased by a giant machete-wielding monster clown, but the clown is in too poor health to actually sprint after you, and doesn’t really wield any interesting exclusive machetes, and most of the time can’t be bothered to show up and instead opts to virtually pretend to chase you in a Monster Clown Direct. And never even whips its cock out.

Anyway, in one of those aforementioned Monster Clown Directs, Penny’s Big Breakaway got a release date, which was right then and there. Probably the only 2024 game I was really looking forward to, since it was made by Evening Star, the studio that consists of a good chunk of the Sonic Mania team and a bunch of fans and modders surrounding it, and it was not a monster clown, instead being a cute little B-grade experience. It seemed to get a relatively muted amount of attention over the end of last year, but was slowly building up interest as more and more people learned about it and began to understand who was behind it. And then the game was shadow dropped out of nowhere. Always a great sign, the babies that flush out of uptown drain pipes into the city river are definitely not mistreated.

I got a little worried the game might’ve gotten shafted by the publisher. It doesn’t seem to be getting the greatest care for the marketing, compared to a more involved hype cycle over a month or so after a release date announcement. Hi-Fi Rush got the same treatment and I feel like as a result it didn’t make as many waves as it should’ve. It also really pissed me off since I had about a dozen other things I was working on at the same time, including another FINISHED blogpost that I pushed back indefinitely because I wanted this one to be more timely. Yeah, fuck you video games for breaking my schedule of misery and frustration to be all fun and shit.

So, Penny is a 3D platformer, as seems to be an increasing amount of indie games nowadays. 

The story is quite simple. Penny, in a freak teleporter accident, ends up merging with a 1970s plastic vacuum cleaner and materialises in a place called Vanillatown. She immediately loses her train of thought and ends up applying to a talent contest for no particular reason after also forgetting how queues work. After she fucks up her audition by stripping the nation’s wannabe- benevolent dictator in front of a live audience, she ends up chased out of the auditorium and around the world with no real sense of goal. That’s about it. But it’s a 3D platformer, granddad, 3D platformers are cool and don’t need story and stories are for Star Trek nerds anyway. Let’s get to the gameplay.

The game’s core mechanic is an animate yo-yo Penny just has for no explained reason (remember: story is for lamerz). The yo-yo acts as both an offence method as well as a platforming assistance. You can use the yo-yo to pull on stuff and hang from the air in a rather satisfying manner. Penny herself can only walk, jump and double jump, and together with the yo-yo you have around 6 different moves to execute, which doesn’t sound like much, but ends up coming together fairly well. Penny on foot controls a bit like a maglev brick, being both floaty and heavy, but this really encourages you to stay in the air as much as possible and chaining various moves to rack up combos that boost your points count.

The control scheme is somewhat unique, in that the game emphasises using the right analog stick to aim the yo-yo while attacking or swinging. Thus you’ll have to jump using the shoulder buttons on the controller. The style is rather experimental and reminiscent of Grabbed by the Ghoulies on the original Xbox… which may be an insult now that I think about it. Regardless, the control scheme works surprisingly well when you get used to it. All in all, learning the feel for the game ends up making it incredibly fun to fly through the stages pretending the floor is some sort of molten rock trap for poor people and shouldn’t be touched. It’s satisfying in a way that’s hard to understand through written word, sort of like reading about sex in a middle school biology book.

So it’s really a shame that the game’s buggier than the annual cockroach dune buggy race in Bugscuffle, Tennessee, bugging you because of the noise levels. Penny seems to have the same roughness around the edges as something like the first Ratchet & Jank. It’s disconcertingly easy to go through a wall, so much so that I ended up doing it more times than I can count on my fingers during a single playthrough and died to it twice. Most slopes can end up softlocking you if there’s any kind of object underneath it since you don’t seem to have any kind of control in them so you end up sliding against an errant potted plant or tranquillised squirrel, and there’s a specific kind of rolling tube object that I think is supposed to have you stick to it like the spinning wheels in Sonic CD’s Metallic Madness. I say I think, since standing on them always plays Penny’s “about to slide off” animation, and you get chucked to oblivion about a third of the time when rotating around them.

Additionally, the camera seems to have started some sort of revolution against the tyrannical rule of The Player. Penny’s central design is that the camera is always on a fixed track, which is nifty since most modern platformers have opted for a camera design philosophy called “whuzzat? we were supposed to do something?” where the camera aimlessly hovers around the player like a rubber spider on invisible string and has no designer-specified guiding at all. The kicker comes from the fact that Penny’s camera is under psychotic levels of micromanagement, but also doesn’t always have a clear idea where it should be pointed. So sometimes you get the camera staring at a really well decorated wall and leaving you confused since there’s no clear idea where you should be going next, and sometimes it’s staring at the admittedly really pretty skybox and daydreaming about greek philosophers when you want to look down and see a platform you want to land on. Any backtracking always creates a fun Crash Bandicoot-style “guess where the bottomless pit is that’s right it’s under you right now” challenge, since there’s no programmed zoom out when running towards it and you can’t see where the fuck you’re going.

And these issues frustrate me all the more since I do genuinely like the game. I did almost throw my controller a few times, but despite the annoyance I always kept coming back to the game and ended up finishing it with a smile on my face. The worlds, while being fairly well-trodden themes, still have enough unique character in them through visual design and denizen dialogue so that they don’t end up feeling generic. The bosses have fun designs and the soundtrack’s really good. When the game does work out, it really works out and it’s one of the most fun platformers out there.

So I guess what I’m saying is, maybe wait a month or so for the most egregious issues to be patched out, or just be wary that you may end up being consumed by a really hungry wall at some point. These issues are the kinds of problems that you’d expect from a first time studio making their first big 3D release, and with the heart and fun present in the game I really hope Penny ends up being successful enough for Evening Star to refine their stuff in future sequels or games otherwise.

Ah, but it’s march, which means that the monster clowns are starting to wake up from their Q1 slumber and the really interesting machetes are being sharpened, so by next month I may even have figured out what the fuck I’m on about. Toodles!

[kyogre-blue]

Had the urge to catch up on "Return of the Disaster-Class Hero" (dang, these manhwa titles are really...). Asura scans is up to chapter 74.

Since I didn't remember the details and also because I was composing fanfics in my head, I actually started from the beginning again. I think the story made more sense this time around, maybe because I was paying more attention. Nothing like fanfic thoughts to make you process the story better lol

This might be obvious, but the reason I had a stronger impression of this one than most is because of the shipping potential. Giving the overpowered MC a close (male) friend who is around the entire time and has a big focus in some events helps makes things more interesting to me, hehe. Hugo also happens to be my second favorite type, blond with flame theme. Jokes aside, he gets treated more roughly than I would prefer, but he was also given far more dignity and priority in the Blood Fog business than I had dared hope, so it balances out.

Regarding the plot, they move at a fairly good clip. By ch74, some major plot threads have been resolved, a main villain (whether final boss or not) has started to move, and they even directly acknowledge that Lee Geon is somehow an actual god, not just a super powerful human. The only really big mystery that's still basically untouched is the nature of the "unknown civilization" that spawns the calamities.

The Lee Geon god plot point is a bit... hm. It is presented in a consistent way, to the point that you're going to be aware of it way before the characters acknowledge it, so I can't say it's poorly handled, but it also creates some issues with the power scaling and it also just feels like a bit too much "he is the coolest ever" shilling that I necessary care for. I don't hate it, but I don't love it either.

Aside from that, it was interesting finally seeing Hayley, since I vaguely recall reading something about her from novel spoilers ages ago. I can definitely see how she'd be very popular, but I don't really care for her role so far. She's also just introduced too late for me to really get attached.

Overall, it's a shame there's like, a dozen fanfics only and none are a standout epic AU type. I feel like I have walked off the beaten path, and I don't know how to live like this.

[waitingforwinterwinds]

ASOS; Steel and Snow: 06 SANSA I (pages 75-90)

Sansa is invited to lunch with Margaery, Olenna, and the cast of Tyrells cut from the show.

The reader is grumpy the entire time. :(

-

Joffrey had met his new bride-to-be at the King's Gate to welcome her to the city, and they rode side by side through cheering crowds, Joff glittering in gilded armor and the Tyrell girl splendid in green with a cloak of autumn flowers blowing from her shoulders. (...) The people called out her name as she passed, held up their children for her blessing, and scattered flowers under the hooves of her horse. Her mother and grandmother followed close behind, (...) The small folk cheered for them too.

And ain't this a stark difference between the procession after seeing Myrcella off.

I appreciate the mention that Joffrey's armor is gilded, just for the symbolism of it. To be gilded is to be covered in a thin layer of precious metal, to look more valuable than it is. Joffrey's the same way. A gilded prince, shiny and noble on the outside, but a dime-a-dozen rotting on the inside.

The same smallfolk who pulled me from my horse and would have killed me, if not for the Hound. Sansa had done nothing to make the commons hate her, no more than Margaery Tyrell had done to win their love.

Mmmm, but it's all about the narrative. Sansa was by Joffrey's side when the people were starving, it didn't matter that she was a hostage, that she was being beaten and abused, she was a noble and had their privilege to food. Margaery is with the people who are finally giving them food, doesn't matter that she was married to Renly, or that the alliance resulting from that was responsible for the food shortage to begin with. (ignoring in city food storage prep, which would have taken a hit anyway.) Personal circumstance of nobles doesn't matter to the smallfolk, only the current visible result. Same's true of most folks though.

No one can save me but my Florian. Ser Dontos had promised he would help her escape, but not until the night of Joffrey's wedding. The plans had been well laid, her dear devoted knight-turned-fool assured her; there was nothing to do until then but endure, and count the days.

That's... concerning.

I like that Sansa is being suspicious of Margaery's motives, but for her to turn around and think this... it's concerning. Perhaps mostly because we know Dontos is a creepy pervert who probably shouldn't be trusted (even if his escape plan is solid and successful), but also because Sansa's hinging everything on his plan. everything. she's no longer thinking about ways to escape, she's not looking for opportunities, she's not emotionally or mentally prepared for this plan to fall through, which it thankfully doesn't. She's not asking questions.

Dontos is no Florian, he's a predator, but Sansa can't see that because he's more overtly bumbling and clumsy about it than everyone else, he doesn't have the same dangerous sleekness that the others at court have, she's looking so hard for the hidden pit traps she's missed the obvious.

But this was the Red Keep, (...) and if there was one thing Sansa Stark had learned here, it was mistrust.

The irony is hurting me.

...Am I being a little overtly mean tonight? I think I might be. I've had a frustrating day.

For a moment she did not know what to say. "Ser Loras," she finally managed, "you... you look so lovely." ... Sansa was finding it hard to walk and talk and think all at the same time, with Ser Loras touching her arm. ... Desperately, she tried to think of something clever and charming to say to him, but her wits deserted her. She almost told him how beautiful he was, until she remembered she'd already done that.

Oh no. Brain melting crush, blue screen of brain fail. Have you tried turning it off and back on again? Oh I joke, because this would be so cute in a another setting, but this one? DANGEROUS. Sansa's wits have been keeping her safe where her value as a hostage hasn't but even those two combined couldn't protect her from everything all of the time. Please, GRRM, stahp! My girl is playing on Ultra Hard Mode, she doesn't need the Debuff. (Don't yell, everyone main is doing Hard Mode, but Sansa's doing a Politics Only run.)

Although it's a little funny, ngl, that while "oh, Ser Loras Most Handsome Pretty Man" narrative is a thing here, "You looke dapper today" is also kinda Sansa's default for getting to know you's with her guards.

He doesn't remember, Sansa realized, startled. He is only being kind to me, he doesn't remember me or the rose or any of it. She had been so certain that it meant something, that it meant everything. A red rose, not a white.

She did well picking that up, and the tension that followed, unfortunately, she just doesn't have the context to realize why Loras was pissed. (Margaery lost her direct route to the throne, but Loras lost his partner, and he can never tell people that. No one outside a few members of his family will ever know what he lost. Not just a king, or a brother(-in-law) but his lover.)

... I am about to say something... Very Mean.

I know that Olenna was something of a fan favourite from the show, because she was... "sassy" and "witty" and had a "take no bullshit/tell it like it is" attitude. But here's something I've noticed when it comes to men writing "sassy" women.

The sliding scale of Witty to Bitchy? well that all depends on how much a threat a woman is to men in power, or how fuckable she is to the same men. It is a very fine line between snarky girl-boss and naggy bitch, and far too many people confuse one for the other.

Olenna tends to feel to me, like an overbearing and overly dismissive woman, who is just mean, but rich and old enough to get away with it because she's just an old granny. Tyrion does the same thing, he's mean, but I let him get away with it because he tends to use the "privilege to get away with it" to slap Joffrey. Doesn't mean he's not mean.

Maybe I'd take Olenna better if her target(s) were people I can prepared to dislike, and not just random women I've only just been introduced to.

Or this could very specifically be about my own grandmother who was allowed to get away with talking really uncomfortable (and more than occasionally racist) shit because she was an old widow and who I am now estranged with because she told my parents she'd call the cops on me if she had to, to prove I committed crime I literally didn't do. Like Oh? I stole things I didn't even know existed? You have fingerprints to prove it? My fingerprints are on your stuff because I definitely stole these things I didn't know existed and not because I handled most of your stuff when I helped you move in!? You don't even know for sure they're my fingerprints Nan!

Anyway! Moving on! (I like Olenna more in theory than in person, I think.)

"Sansa," Lady Alerie broke in, "you must be very hungry. Shall we have a bite of boar together, and some lemon cakes?" "Lemon cakes are my favorite," Sansa admitted.

Lemon = 🍷🍷

"I'm not fond of leeks. Take this broth away, and bring me some cheese." "The cheese will be served after the cakes, my lady." "The cheese will be served when I want it served, and I want it served now." The old woman turned back to Sansa. "Are you frightened, child? No need for that, we're only women here. Tell me the truth, no harm will come to you."

I'm going to be honest, I don't know if it's my distaste for Olenna, but that felt like a power play. A very pointed power play. Olenna is sitting there, asking Sansa to commit treason essentially, and when Sansa takes too long to break and tries to hold to her protective lies, "I get what I want, when I want it."

I get that the "tell me the truth, no harm will come to you." is supposed to sound comforting, but is sounds like a threat at the same time, and I genuinely don't know if it is or if I'm just not in a fair headspace for this chapter's political maneuvering.

... I will admit having Butterbumps sing loudly to cover the noise was a good idea, but it also draws attention in the mind that what Sansa is about to say is technically treason. Makes it feel more deliberate in choice than the show, where it felt like Sansa breaking from loneliness and reaching out to friends by sharing the danger. (sorta kinda not really but it's hard to explain the difference in the vibes otherwise.)

"- Do you hawk, Sansa?" "A little," she admitted.

?! So talented. I don't think I knew that about Sansa. (that she hawks in any amount, not that she's talented, we already knew she was talented at things.)

"To see you safely wed, child," the old woman said (...) "to my grandson." Wed to Ser Loras, oh... Sansa's breath caught in her throat.

She didn't say Loras.

... I suppose I should appreciate the timing of the song lyrics, matching the vibes of Sansa's day. happy and defiant as Sansa thinks she's being given freedom and a happily ever after, and then as she has the rug pulled and the truth revealed closing around her like a trap we get lines like "I called for a knight, but you're a bear!" and "she kicked and wailed, the maid so fair, but he licked the honey from her hair."

Oh holy shit, this chapter was a song fic. XD

hang on... how old is Willas exactly? *flips to appendix* "WILLAS, their eldest son, heir to Highgarden." hmmm "MARGAERY, their daughter, a widow of fifteen years, -" hhhmmmm *pulls up the wiki* Willas Tyrell: Born 273-276 Margaery Tyrell: Born 283 So seven to ten years older makes him... 22-25 years old. They want her to marry a man who is, at best, currently twice Sansa's age. Sansa is currently twelve.

"I thought that dreadful song would never end," said the Queen of Thorns. "But look, here comes my cheese."

The cheese was a metaphor and a power play for Sansa's secrets. Olenna got what she demanded in the end after all.

I went so hard on Olenna I'm almost tempted to tag this post as Olenna Hate.

[argentumcor]

Completed Phantom Liberty

Having been playing Palia and sitting shotgun for playthroughs of BG3 and Starfield, it is such a relief to go back to a world where human beings act like real people. Like, if someone is throwing themselves at you (Judy, looking for a rebound and someone to orbit, as she always has) it makes sense for that person and they have preferences and some experience with you, not because they are a digital sex doll. Reed, Alex, and Songbird (and everyone else) have complicated motives and feelings about things, whole internal lives that aren't about you or sex or even only their own huge problems. Reed reuniting with Alex hit me hard because it was like "oh, yeah, this is how you write characters."

So glad Johnny was not just a footnote and his relationship with V was still a huge part of the story. You should not dive into Phantom Liberty until you finish the main story, building a higher level rapport with him, because the tough affection between him and V is on display and makes no sense otherwise...also frankly the big combat missions near the end will kick your ass.

Johnny's lack of remorse about the tower is still on display, though it still doesn't make sense, though in a human way; it makes sense for it not to make sense. He has a compassionate heart, beaten as it is and as much of a bastard as he is. He'll crouch beside the corpse of some poor fool and feel sad for them. Read his commentary in the journal where he asks V to be the one to remember the ones who won't be remembered. He pities people, he has strong feelings about helping ordinary people- as long as they aren't part of some group he doesn't like, which is something he should have faced with River's quests (has anyone rerun those in 2.0? Was more of him added in? For some reason he has very little commentary, though he should be a chatterbox for a dozen reasons).

I was right; mercy is a big theme in Phantom Liberty. It runs through the whole game, this world without mercy, and what it looks like, but it's more obvious to me in Phantom Liberty. Perhaps it is only recent real-world events that bring it so prominently to mind.

The Relic skills are alright, nothing game changing IMO. Skill rebalancing overall is good. Maybe it's just me but I feel weapons handle better.

Some people were missing from Hansen's party, IMO- at least Rogue, Yorinobu, and Kerry (he's a recluse, a good excuse, but would have been a fun interaction, especially if you'd done his quests). Unless I missed them? I went around that whole party five times!

You can talk to the "companion" characters about what you did in Dogtown for a few lines of extra chatter, but not Rogue or other fixers.

Once again, pretty sure V is meant to be not a selfish jerk. I have a whole thing about who this character is, how she isn't your typical self-insert RPG PC, as well as my belief V is written to be female, something I don't believe or care about or think at all relevant in most games of this sort. Commander Shepherd, Revan, Hawke, a dude? Sure, fine, couldn't care less. V, however, is meant to contrast with Johnny, and I think the game implies V is default female in several ways. Need to write that up sometime.

Maybe I need to do some digging, but it isn't immediately clear what Songbird's problem was doing to her exactly (except it's like V's problem), how the Blackwall did it, and how the Cynosure AI would help her or V. I'd like to know the mechanics of it.

My Orpheus After the Fall sequel has gotten itself sorted out thanks to expansion. I had an array of directions I'd contemplated but couldn't make work, things I wanted to explore, but now I feel I have something to build on based on my observations.