#i was planning on enjoying some disgusting gay interactions

[emma-engels]

Succession 4x03 got me like

[marmosa]

oi, is it hot in here?

Fred x Fem!Reader

Word Count: 2.4k

Warnings: none

A/N: my best friend came over yesterday and showed me a snippet of one of her george fics and then immediately hyped me up to write this one. girls and gays i present the aquamenti spell, enjoy ;) (this is so out of pocket, could you tell i was going thru it). also if anyone wants more george content please let me know, i’m a fred girl through and through, but i have no shame in showing some love to george <3

***

“Fred, just because we’re allowed to legally use magic now, doesn’t mean we’re legally obliged to,” [y/n] mumbled, flat out glaring at him as he pouted at her from across the library table, trying once again to convince her to duel with him.

“Just because we’re not required to, doesn’t mean it wouldn’t be tons of fun. Come on [y/n], you know just as well as I do that you’re dying to try out some new spells,” Fred pleaded, reaching across the table and pushing the book she was using to shield her face from his relentless puppy dog eyes down.

“Even so Weasley, you’re going to get yourself in a spot of trouble you’re not going to know how to get out of. Just because I play coy doesn’t mean I wouldn’t absolutely smoke your arse if we did duel,” she hummed surely, straightening her posture to emphasize her sudden breath of confidence.

“Win? I doubt that,” Fred shrugged, leaning back in his chair, a mischievous idea bubbling to the surface of his mind, “No, you’re not bold enough to win.”

“I- me? Not bold enough?” [y/n] sputtered, incredibly offended at his insinuation but still trying her best to stand her ground, “I know what you’re trying to do y’know and I know you’re also full of shit. You wouldn’t last a second against me.”  

Fred glanced over at her, a smartass look on his face, “I think I could last at least two seconds, maybe five, maybe six, maybe a million, but you’re too much of a stick in the mud to find out.”

“I’m not a stick in the mud, I’m just smart enough to not let myself get dragged into your chaos- as fun as it is sometimes,” [y/n] mumbled the last bit, trying not to inflate his ego anymore than he needed, despite feeling no shame in admitting that his antics were usually paired with an inescapable rush of adrenaline.

“Yeah, whatever you say sweetheart,” Fred rolled his eyes, missing the quick crack in [y/n]’s composure at the pet name that practically rolled off his tongue with ease, “just don’t come crying to me when you get bored one afternoon and need someone to duel.”

[y/n] furrowed her brows and felt her competitive need finally snap, “Listen here you dim-wit, if you want a duel so bad you’ll get a duel, but don't you come crying to me when I hand you your arse on a silver-lined platter.”

Fred sat up excitedly, tapping his fingers against the table, “See, there’s that competitive [y/n] I was hoping for. I appreciate the threat, but you might want to save that fire for the duel, you’re gonna need it.”

“You’re a twat, you know that?” [y/n] grumbled, crossing her arms and sinking back into her chair.

“Only for you,” Fred winked, a shit-eating grin plaster on his face, “see you at the dueling grounds.”

“Yeah, yeah, get out of here,” [y/n] waved him off, biting back a smile.

***

“Aha! So you showed up in the end,” Fred cheered, dashing over and scooping [y/n] up in his arms, swinging her from side to side as she hung on for dear life.

As soon as he set her down she glared up at him like he’d just forced her to ride the worlds most dangerous roller coaster, “just because I was reluctant, doesn’t mean I’m a downer. I’m always true to my word Freddie.”

“Ahh,” He hummed low, crossing his arms and shrugging, tapping his chin inquisitively, “I suppose so. But what about that one time when you promised me that we’d go up to the tower and then you bailed-,”

“I had a potions exam to study for and my brain felt like it was melting, don’t you dare turn one on me. Last time I checked you were the one who bailed on me when we planned to go rob Filch of his-,” [y/n] started but was cut off when Fred pressed one of his hands against her mouth, shushing her with the other.

“You don’t want anyone to hear do you? That could get us in an enormous amount of trOUBLE- EW!” Fred hacked and jumped backwards, wiping his hand furiously against his jeans, “you’re a sick, sick woman.”

[y/n] grinned triumphantly, wiggling her eyebrows at his disgusted expression, “don’t lie, you loved it. Now come on, we came to duel, didn’t we?”

“You’re really testing my patience, [y/l/n],” Fred chuckled lowly, “but you’re right, get into position so I can completely ruin you.”

“I’d like to see you try,” [y/n] hummed, winking at Fred as she shuffled into her spot, drawing her wand and bobbing it in her hand.

The duel began and the two made no waste of time jumping at each other, throwing charm after hex at one another, testing out every single spell in their arsenal (well the one’s that wouldn’t painfully injure or kill either of them anyway). It was electric, the wild passion for their craft buzzing excitedly behind their eyes, present in the way they danced around each other, avoiding spells and quickly returning them.

[y/n] felt a laugh bubble out of her chest when Fred disarmed her, dashing off to retrieve her tool, ducking as he fired another spell right over the top of her head. Fred couldn’t help but follow suit in laughter as she turned around and flung a disarming spell of her own, managing to hit him and send his wand flying farther away than he probably would’ve liked.

“Come on now, [y/n], you wouldn’t harm a totally helpless boy,” Fred pleaded teasingly, inching to the side while trying to maintain eye-contact with her, mostly for his own safety than showmanship.

“I told you when we started this Weasley, I wasn’t going to go easy on you,” [y/n] called out, jerking out her arm, “Aquamenti!”

Water sprung forth from her wand, shooting directly at Fred and knocking him clean to the floor, positively soaking him from head to toe. He sat up immediately, his mouth hanging open in shock, still processing what entirely had just happened.

“I won,” [y/n] muttered, cheer surging through her in unexpected waves, “I won!”

“Shut up!” Fred groaned from his spot on the floor, pushing himself up off the floor, the cold slowly but surely seeping into his bones, “I don’t wanna hear it.”

[y/n] bit back a smug grin, crossing her arms across her chest and tipping her head back as if she had just won a crown far too heavy for her head, “Sorry, what was that about me losing?”

Fred glared back at her, his narrowed eyes nearly on the brink of being completely shut, “Shut. Up,” he repeated, enunciating his pauses.

“Aww, is someone sad with the outcome,” [y/n] cooed, spinning around to face him as soon as she had retrieved his wand, her triumphant spirit being shoved aside as a more uncomfortable emotion took hold.

“Shut up and hand me my wand ya git,” Fred mumbled, snatching his wand back from her, “we get it, you won.”

[y/n] couldn’t help the heat that was crawling up her neck, suddenly hyperaware of the situation she was currently in. Why’d she chose that spell? Why’d she chose that spell in this random room, away from others, when he was wearing a crisp white dress shirt that was now clinging to him like a second skin- god she could see so much.

Fred glanced over at her with creased brows, confused at the sudden spot of silence, wondering what had gotten little miss triumphant to go so quiet. When he saw her shuffling through her book bag, an amused little smile wormed its way onto his face- oh he was going to have fun with this.

“Why so quiet all of a sudden, sweetheart?” Fred drawled, biting back a grin at the way she tensed her shoulders.

“No particular reason, just felt bad about rubbing in my victory s’all,” [y/n] replied, still shuffling through her bag for a, uh, pack of gum she could have sworn she had had earlier.

“You? Feel bad? About a dueling victory against me? Sounds like a lot of rubbish to me,” He shook his head, grabbing her shoulder and tugging her to her feet, “There’s something else.”

[y/n]’s eyes nearly popped out of their sockets, straining to avoid glancing down at his toned chest, “There is absolutely nothing else. Scout’s honor.”

Fred sported a smug grin as he leaned down to be eye level with her, his eyes raking over her face, noting her balled up fists shaking at her sides and her abnormally wide eyes, “Are you sure, you look awfully tense.”  

“I’m not tense,” she waved him off, feeling near the verge of combustion trying to control herself. It didn’t particularly help that he was staring at her like that while her mind raced through the hundreds of ways this interaction could go, her heart hammering in her chest at the suggestiveness of her thoughts.

“Come on, you can tell me, I won’t say anything out of line,” he bargained, trying his best to coax her out of whatever dumb act she was playing at.

“Again, I am completely fine,” she reassured him, rocking on the balls of her feet, trying to subtly put some space between them.

“I’m not so sure that’s true,” Fred lilted, titling his head to the side slightly, “what, is something about me bothering you?”

[y/n] felt her stomach drop, so he did know, of course he knew, she wasn’t particularly inconspicuous about her dilemma, but she refused to let up now, “There is nothing about you that’s bothering me, Freddie.”

“Oh, so what I’m hearing is that you like what you see?” he teased, darting his tongue out to wet his lips.

“I-wait, now hold a minute-,” she began only to lose her voice as he backed her into one of the many pillars in that room, her palms pressing flat against the cool stone.

“See, I still don’t quite believe you,” he whispered, pressing his forearm over her head, placing the other on his hip as the water he’d been drenched in had practically sealed his pockets shut.

“And why not?” [y/n] struggled to maintain her composure, her resolve diminishing by the second.

“Because someone who’d didn’t like the view wouldn’t be staring at it so plainly,” He concluded, shamelessly eyeing her up and down.

[y/n] didn’t know if she wanted to curl up into a ball and die or yank him down by his collar and let him absolutely ravish her then and there, her mind was too clouded to pick one. Luckily, Fred seemed to be significantly more level-headed than she currently, which meant he made no waste of time taking the reigns of the situation.

“So, what if I did agree with you what then,” [y/n] muttered, looking down at her shoes, trying her best to avoid his piercing gaze.

“I’d say that you’re in luck because,” he placed his hand under her chin and tipped it back upwards, forcing her to look at him, “I’m enjoying my view just as much.”

“Well then, what’re you gonna do about it?” she quipped, shamelessly darting her eyes between his eyes and lips.

“I’d say kiss you, but only if you want it,” he replied, moving his hand up to cup her cheek.

“I do. I do want it, please Fred,” she pleaded, not even caring if she sounded desperate anymore, throwing her pride to the wind.

“You don’t have to tell me twice.”

Fred leaned down and captured her lips in a heated kiss, his hand finding its way to the small of her back, pressing her off the pillar and into him. It quickly became something desperate, longing, all their pent up tension finally spilling out of their overfilled cup. [y/n] felt up his chest, smiling to herself as she concluded that it did feel as nice as it looked.

He made quick work of hoisting her up, linking his arms under her thighs and pressing her back against the wall, relishing in finally being able to touch her the way he so desperately wanted to for all those years. She did the same, tangling her fingers into the wet hairs at the nape of his neck, basking in the warmth coming from him despite his soaking wet clothing.

“Do you want to stop?” Fred asked softly, pressing a few soft kisses to her jaw and neck, “we don’t have to go any further.”

“As lovely as continuing sounds,” she breathed, smoothing his hair out of his face, “I don’t think we’re geared for that right now. And you need to get changed of those clothes before you catch a cold.”

“Good lord you sound like my mother,” Fred groaned, knocking his forehead on her shoulder.

“Did you really just bring up your mother right now,” [y/n] asked incredulously, wiggling her way out of his grip and back onto her own two feet, “that’s weird man.”

“I wouldn’t have if you didn’t bring up my need of a change of clothes!” Fred exclaimed, throwing his hands up in the air to emphasize his point, “Besides, who’s fault is that?”

“Someone stupid probably,” [y/n] shrugged, picking up her robes and tossing them square at him, “wear those so you don’t get colder, if someone asks, you took a dip in the lake.”

“That’s even more unbelievable than just telling someone straight up what we were doing,” Fred replied, flat out, pulling on the robes that we’re obviously too short for him.

“Well too bad, loser of the duel has to follow the winner’s rules,” [y/n] shrugged, offering him a smug smile.

“Can we go back to a couple minutes ago when I’d managed to shut you up?” Fred quipped, crossing his arms as he pouted at her.

“Nope, no can do, you kissed me Weasley which means I have nothing more to be embarrassed about,” [y/n] sang, taking his hands and swinging them along with hers.

“Well I take it back!”

“Please no,” she frowned, sinking her shoulders.

Fred sighed and pulled her into a hug, his words muffled against her hair as he mumbled softly, “I could never say no to that face.”  

[the-necromancers-simp]

I just saw the whole discussion that’s happening about Felix and I felt like sharing something about it.

Look, I get it, a lot of people do sexualize and fetishize Felix, but that’s not a problem that only our fandom is going through.

I see this “trope” of feminizing, fetishizing or over sexualizing men everywhere in fandoms. We created a culture where we are allowed to live out our fantasies through characters and stories even if those fantasies are borderline horrifying or offensive.

I’m not saying that I agree with what some people turn these characters into, but that’s all they are: characters. They’re not real no matter how much we wish they were. And it’s a lot easier to create fantasies or our own versions of people who aren’t real.

People who fetishize Felix are just living a fantasy different from those who don’t. And as gross and weird as it sounds to me, they are allowed to feel that way. People have weird needs, desires and interests. I’m not about to get mad at someone who over sexualizes characters when I turn every interaction between two characters of the same gender into gay.

We obviously should be aware of not doing this things in real life because that can be offensive, mean and disgusting. But through fandoms and art we are allowed to create the most scandalous of situations.

I’m saying this mostly about sexual desire/attraction (or different types of attraction for my ace people), because humans have strange desires (some may act upon it and some may not). So there’s a huge chance that all the things that might seem chocking to me or you, might be exactly what does it for other people.

Although there is a difference between those who created the stories and characters we love and those who change those stories and characters to be theirs.

The creators should obviously be careful, for they are responsible for every repercussion that may come from what they send out to the world. And, in my opinion, the devs have been nothing but respectful and considerate. Despite the recent commotion, as much as they might joke about Felix, he’s stayed the same throughout the entirety of the game. So I believe they’re taking their responsibility seriously.

However, when it comes to the people who change their creation (us), we do it for ourselves. We write and read fanfiction, we make and share fanarts and we do it for ourselves. Yes, there are other people who enjoy it and that’s the idea of fandoms, to share our interests and find likeminded people. So, so what if some of the things we do aren’t 100% politically correct? No one can be like that all the time. And in fandoms we get to share our crazy obsessions and weird thoughts.

We might not always agree with each other, but we get to be a part of a community that gets our weirdness and accepts us for who we are. I get that some content might be offensive to some people but who has never had a weird fetish, interest or thought that would be offensive to someone else? Or even to ourselves? Don’t tell me you’ve never thought of doing something morally wrong and felt excited about it. We all have. We are human.

So, moral of the story, if you don’t like it, ignore it. If it’s not offending you directly, why should you care? If it’s not harming anyone, why should we care what creepy desires some people have?

Seriously, have you ever read a dark romance novel? The amount of disturbing things that happen in some of them are astounding. AND THOSE ARE PUBLISHED!

So let people share their crazy desires in a safe space where they can feel some sort of satisfaction without feeling guilt. Let them live out those fantasies in a way that won’t harm them or anyone else. Let them have fun and enjoy something. Let them have a safe place to learn that some things should not leave fantasy land and go into the real world.

I realize that what I said can be quite controversial, specially for people who have suffered fetishization or other forms of sexualization. I get it. It hurts. But people can’t change the way they feel, and trying to shut down their interests or desires may do more harm than good. So maybe we shouldn’t shun those people for having a safe outlet in characters and stories.

I was not planning on getting so much into this argument…

I really hope I didn’t offend anyone because that wasn’t my intention at all. If you did feel offended by what I said, please let me know so I can apologize and we can talk it out.

[dogsliampaynedoesntinstagram]

Your questions about bearding and stunt girlfriends have climbed inside my brain and totally taken over this week, it is so interesting to think about what if, anything, could be done to reduce the vitriol aimed at stunt girlfriends and beards. And then I think about Tom Holland and Zendaya and, while I wouldn’t consider myself particularly active in that fandom the way I am in this one, I’m active-adjacent enough that I’ve seen some of the fan response. From what I’ve seen, none of the fans of Tom’s who believe him to be gay are publicly renouncing their precious claims and planning a Tom and Zendaya wedding, but the absolute disgust that exists with Olivia and Taylor and El and Danielle isn’t there, either. I do think it’s because Tom and Zendaya were friendly before they started dating (or “dating” depending on your beliefs) - Zendaya isn’t some random blonde model pulled off the Victoria’s Secret runway to push Tom further into the closet, she’s a longtime colleague and friend and they seem to genuinely enjoy spending time with each other. Personally, a set up like that for Harry or Louis is what would make the bearding and stunts more tolerable, for me. I don’t really care about the relative level of fame of the girlfriend or if she does or doesn’t have her own career and passions. I care that she is someone Harry or Louis are comfortable around, to whatever extent possible under the circumstances. It breaks my heart to think about how much it must suck to have to engage in these stunts at all, and then thinking about how much that suckiness would be compounded by being forced into a stunt with someone you only sort of know or don’t get along with makes my chest hurt. I understand that stunts and bearding are necessary right now. I hate it, but I know that as much as I wish I could, I can’t exactly do anything to change it. It would be easier for me to swallow though if the boys were set up with people they seemed even moderately compatible with and comfortable around.

Thanks for the thoughts about Tom and Zendaya anon. I do agree that they seem like they might be an exception to the general vitriol. I don't think either Harry or Louis have anyone in their life like Zendaya, but I'd be interested if there were any candidates.

You seem to be telling very specific stories anon and specific stories that distress you - I am going to push back a bit and suggest that the stories you are telling are not obviously true, and they're not the only possible stories.

Why do you think it's the stunts that would suck?

There are lots of other parts of the closet that seem to me that they'd be much worse than hanging out with a woman and have people see it: having to change the way you interact with the world so you're less likely to be read as gay, having to deny and hide your relationship, being disconnected from other queer people and culture, because you can't interact with it, constantly policing how you perform and engage.

For the stunts to be breaking your heart, I think you must either be erasing the other parts of the closet, or assuming that the stunts are somehow the whole closet. I just don't think it's sustainable to assume that pretending to date someone would be the bad part of a being a closeted popstar.

And then my second question - is why on earth are you imagining that they're being 'forced into a stunt with someone you only sort of know or don’t get along with'? If it makes your chest hurt why not just respond to that fear with: 'Harry and Louis make their own history, even if not in circumstances of their own choosing. There are lots of options when it comes to pretending to date someone. The fact that they're doing this suggests that it's the best option for them at the moment.'

And beyond the specifics - why would you be assuming that Louis or Harry don't know or get on with the people they are currently pretending to date? Harry chose to work with Olivia. There's every reason to believe that he's compatible and comfortable with her. They chose a strategy in London that involved a lot of low key hanging out. Why would he do that if he wasn't comfortable? And Louis seems to go on holiday with Eleanor every year. He doesn't need to. It's not necessary for persuading people they're togehter, particularly with his habit of not existing in time and space. Why imagine that they don't get along?

And this all comes back to the point I was making to the another anon. It's the closet that does harm. And being seen spending time with women is so far from being the worst of it.

[evil-m0nk]

SHOUTOUT TO THE TWO PEOPLE WHO

ASKED FOR THIS; YOU KNOW WHO YOU

ARE ♡

LET'S BE HONEST, I WAS GONNA POST THIS ANYWAY

BUT NOW I HAVE A REASON LOL

JIROUSHI HEADCANONS.

IF YOU DIDN'T SEE THE POST THAT

INSPIRED THIS, CLICK HERE

FOR CONTEXT!

gay gay homosexual gay

DISCLAIMER BUDDY IS BACK WITH

ANOTHER MESSAGE FOR YOU

TO READ BEFORE YOU CONTINUE ON!

!!!Please note!!! All of the things stated in this blog are my own personal opinions and not meant to imply canon. My purpose is spilling out some headcanons for a crack ship cause it makes me happy. If you don't like this ship, feel free to ignore this post! Thank you and enjoy :)

*And if you guys wanna add onto this with your own headcanons for them, I would love that so much <33

///

These are in no particular order, just whatever comes to mind! I'll try to keep somewhat of a timeline in the beginning, but a fully-fleshed out, AO3 fanfic style timeline is a whole post by itself. (I'll gladly type that out too if you think you'll enjoy it 🥴) Creds to my friend for helping me out with some of this!!!

So without further adieu,

let's get into these headcanons!

///

RANDOM HEADCANONS ;

*Short and sweet, no particular order.

• They both love My Chemical Romance; Jiro's favorite album is Danger Days and Jyushi's is Welcome To The Black Parade. (another shoutout to my MCR fans.)

• Jiro plays MCR songs on his guitar for Jyushi to cheer him up.

• Jiro tried to teach Jyushi to play soccer, but he cried went he got mud on his boots and Jiro decided it would be better if Jyushi just watched instead.

• They read Junji Itō together on rainy days, usually accompanied by a blanket and tea that Ichiro made for them.

• They both have AO3 & Wattpad accounts for the sake of reading all the horrible fanfictions and giggling over them.

• Despite really enjoying each other's company, they still bicker like they did when they fake dated.

• Ichiro is proud of his brother for finally finding someone who he can spend time wish, while Kuko is completely disgusted by the fact Jyushi has a date. ( /lh ) Parents.

• Jiro once texted Ichiro, verbatim, "Can u tell your boyfriend's emo friend to text me back" and Ichiro left him on read.

• They once went on a double date with Ichiro and Kuko and I'm sure everyone can imagine how horrible and awkward that turned out.

• They are avid Guitar Hero and Dance Dance Revolution players and usually have competitions to see who can score higher.

• Jyushi gave Jiro a wolf stuffed animal to match with Amanda and Jiro falls asleep with it in arms reach every night.

• Jyushi is a vegetarian and Jiro always remembers to get him something meat-free when they go out to eat.

TIMELINE HEADCANONS ;

• Jiro and Jyushi originally didn't like each other very much; Jiro thought Jyushi might be as stuck-up as everyone says he was, and Jyushi assumed that Jiro thought that. They didn't avoid one another, but they definitely didn't go out of their ways to interact.

• They were in a fake relationship for a few weeks, just because they were tired of being teased for constantly being alone. It happened at a high school dance, when Jiro went to sit on the bleachers and saw Jyushi sitting there too. He decided to sit next to him and it caused them to bicker back and forth for a while, then it dissolved into them devising a plan to "fake date". (If y'all want that extended timeline post...)

cont. : When they were around other people, like walking down the hallway, they would very begrudgingly hold hands. Jiro comments about how cold Jyushi's hands are and Jyushi snaps back with something like, "Well, your hands are clammy- s-so. . . Shut up!" This would inevitably lead to them bickering, shushing each other, smiling awkwardly at the people around them, shared glare, and repeat.

• They only really started to like each other's company when they realized that they had none in common than they thought. In canon, Jiro loves manga and Jyushi likes alternative fashion (visual kei), so naturally one of the things they had in common was owning Junji Itō mangas. They also share similar music taste, My Chemical Romance being the main one. ;)) This was found out when Jyushi went to Jiro's place for the first time. It was necessarily planned, but in a moment of worry they made plans to hang out within earshot of the other students. Jyushi didn't really pick up on the fact it was just a show and showed up at Jiro's place later that day.

• Their first official date happened partly because they realized they may actually have feelings for one another, and because the questions about how long they'd been together, how many dates they'd been on, how they met from their classmates became unavoidable. Since both of them are pretty terrible liars, they decided the only way to get out of this was an actual date. . . Were they lowkey flirting then? Absolutely.

• Because they're both teenagers with not much in the way of an income other than their rap groups, their first date was at a foodcart. The place was too crowded and loud for Jyushi's liking, and Jiro being the natural gentleman he is offered to buy their meals so Jyushi could get away from the noise.

cont. // slight writing bonus : Jyushi sits on a stairway away from the foodcarts, looking at the bright lights of the Shinjuku division. It doesn't take long for Jiro to return with their food--burgers. Jiro digs around in the paper bag containing their food awkwardly for a moment before pulling one out and handing it to Jyushi.

Jyushi hesitates as well, but eventually takes it from Jiro, who only then sits down next to him on the stairwell. He sits closer than Jyushi would have expected. Jyushi huffes, pulling back the wrapping of the burger, he turns to Jiro with a slightly annoyed expression, opening his mouth to speak;

"You know, I'm vegetarian. . . -"

"I know. It-it's a veggie burger."

Jyushi closes his mouth again and a small blush creeps over his face. His and Jiro's eyes meet for a moment,

"Oh. . . Well, thank you. . ."

and then he looks away before taking a quick bite of the burger in order to hide his face.

It seemed silly. . . though, no one had ever been that observant or caring toward him.

HEYYYY......I'M SO GLAD YOU MADE IT TO THE END BECAUSE I AM CURRENTLY FINISHING THIS @ 3AM <33

THESE ARE SOSOSOSO FUN TO DO,, ESPECIALLY THAT STORY WRITING BIT AT THE END--I'M 100% DOWN TO POST A MINI FIC,, + MORE DETAIL AS WELL 👀👀👀

I'M A CLOUT-CHASER SO IF YOU GUYS WANNA LIKE/REBLOG/FOLLOW, I'LL LOVE YA TO DEATH,,, 💖

[favberrys]

No one asked this and no one cares, but here’s my personal opinions about every glee ship:

Finchel: they had their cute moments, but in general I really dislike them as couple. They brought the worst out of each other when they were together, Finn made Rachel insecure and was also incredibly possessive of her (not in a cute way) and Rachel pressured Finn too much. She wanted to control him and often tried change him, they’re too different and not compatible. I think Rachel needs someone more simalar to her or someone who can understand her, because Finn really didn’t get Rachel.

Klaine: I’m neutral about klaine, I don’t hate them, but simply I’m not invested into this ship. They aren’t toxic, but I think their relationship has many issues and is a little unhealthy sometimes.They had a good start, but as the show went on they got worse. I love Blaine, he’s my gay son, but he was too jealous and controlling about Kurt. Kudos for the gay representation, i acknowledge their huge impact on the lgbt community

Brittana: wow what can I say about them ? They’re everything, best friends to lovers excellence. Brittana had a rough start, but their dynamic became a beautiful and mature relationship in which they always supported and loved each other. Even when they dated other people, Santana and Brittany respected each other. It had and still has a huge importance for the sapphic community, it is good representation and one of the first big teen wlw couples. Brittana are the definition of soulmates

Quick: absolute trash, Puck got Quinn drunk on wine coolers and then had sex with her while she was still drunk. There was nothing consensual about that. The fact that rib never acknowledged this is disgusting. They had very little interactions, their relationship was not developed. Puck and Quinn have literally nothing in common, they’re not compatible in any way and them getting together at the end always irked me because in s3 Quinn said she didn’t care about all the boys she dated in the past. If you ship them idc it’s fine, but I hate this pairing. It’s a huge no from me, I think Puck liked Quinn only because she was hot.

Faberry: THEY’RE MY RIDE OR DIE YOU DON’T UNDERSTAND HOW IMPORTANT THEY ARE TO ME. Enemies to lovers excellence, I know faberry was queerbaiting, but I still ship them after all these years. They have chemistry, lots of yearning and sexual tension, impossibly high angst level. This is the only pairing in which I will accept the trope “homophobic jock falls in love with the person they bully”. At first they were terrible to each other, but they managed to built a nice relationship and I seriously think Rachel was the only one for Quinn because she was the only person who always showed Quinn love and support even when they were enemies. I also think that Rachel felt something more than platonic for Quinn at some point (always ranting about how beautiful Quinn is ? That’s gay)

St berry: I like them, I know they had little screen time and they weren’t even supposed to be a thing according to rib (bc they planned on making finchel endgame), but I think they’re compatible, Jesse is probably the only person who could keep up with Rachel. They have many things in common and even though he was shitty to her at first, he redeemed himself. Rachel and Jesse have good romantic chemistry and excellent musical chemistry, their duets are amazing. I’m happy they got together in the end.

Pezberry: oh boy they’re so hot together, lots of sexual chemistry, they could have been enemies to friends to lovers excellence or at least friends with benefits, but ryan murphy is a coward. I enjoy their scenes, they’re hilarious together and always make me laugh. I think they’re a pretty explosive duo, pezberry has great musical chemistry, all their duets are iconic and there’s a lot of sexual tension between them, they’re definitely compatible in bed but idk if they would last in a long term relationship.

Quinntana: this pairing was very random in my opinion because Quinn and Santana lowkey hated each other and always wanted to destroy each other, BUT they are very hot together, they’re probably the most gorgeous couple on glee because both dianna and naya are insanely attractive. Quinntana gave me my sapphic!quinn rights and I’ll be forever thankful about that, they’re compatible in bed, but I like them only as friends with benefits. I don’t see any romantic chemistry between them, mostly because they were always competing about who was the hbic of the school. I don’t think they would last as a stable couple. I wanted to see more of quinntana though.

Fabrevans: if Quinn had to end up with a man, the only heterosexual Quinn ship I tolerate is fabrevans because Sam was really kind, sweet and good to her. Sadly she wasn’t very interested in him, he was just the hot new guy soon to become quarterback and I think she dated him for popularity. I don’t think they would have lasted in a long term relationship, they were cute together romantically speaking but I don’t ship them.

Samcedes: should have been endgame, definition of wasted potential

Tike: should have been endgame, even though I don’t care about Mike and Tina they were really good together, the love was genuine. Tike is one of the few heterosexual couple I don’t mind

Artittany: is a huge no from me, they had zero chemistry and he treated her like trash, artie deserved to be cheated on lol (I’m joking no one deserves that but I really don’t like artie because he’s sexist, misogynistic and he also treated all his gfs like crap)

Seblaine: I honestly don’t see it, Sebastian was definitely interested in Blaine, but Blaine always only had eyes for Kurt. Still I think they should have dated in s6, it would have been fun to see Kurt jealous about his nemesis dating his ex bf. I like the idea of Seblaine having a one night stand, but I don’t ship them as a couple. I also don’t like Sebastian very much, sorry.

Fuinn: A HUGE NO, they were aesthetically pleasing together, but that’s it. They didn’t have sexual tension, they just had tension. Fuinn is a little dysfunctional in my opinion, they get together, they break up and then start dating again just like finchel. I honestly don’t think they were in love, but they cared about each other in a platonic way. Finn wasn’t a good boyfriend to Quinn and Quinn constantly manipulated him. I don’t like them as a couple, they’re too messy.

Blam: best friends to lovers excellence, lots of wasted potential. I’m not saying they should have been endgame, but Sam and Blaine should have dated. I like the idea of Sam discovering he’s bi or pan and exploring his sexuality with someone who cares about him. They have chemistry and I like their dynamic. I also fancy their duets and I think they could have fallen in love with each other.

Hevans: ok if I squint I can see it, they had potential, Kurt was definitely attracted to Sam and Sam was kind of curious about him, I’m sure he admires Kurt and cares about him, but I don’t ship them together

Sebtana, Finntana, Pucktana: ABSOLUTE TRASH DON’T SHIP CANON LESBIAN CHARACTERS WITH MEN, IT’S INCREDIBLY HARMFUL AND INVALIDATING. There are so many heterosexual ships, why do you have to take away from the gays the few lgbt characters we have ?

Quinncedes: i don’t ship them romantically, but I ship them as best friends. I wished their friendship was more developed, Quinn and Mercedes were so good to each other.

Quinntina: have they even interacted with each other ? (Lmao I’m joking again don’t get pressed, you can ship what you what). I don’t ship it, they’re cute and I lowkey like Tina, but it’s not my cup of tea. Still it’s a wlw ship, so I don’t have anything against it.

Wemma: no

Artie x Tina: I don’t even know their ship name, imagine how much irrelevant they are to me. Again I don’t like how artie treats women, I don’t ship them and Tina deserves better than him.

Samchel: underrated af, i’m not saying they should have been endgame because they wouldn’t have lasted in a long term relationship, BUT they were cute together. Sam was really good for Rachel, he made her more humble and helped her to heal after Finn died. They deserved more development and had a lot of potential. I don’t remember what happened in s6, but I liked samchel dating, I don’t mind them as a romantic couple, even though they’re not very compatible.

Brochel: it was not as bad as rib tried to make us believe. I don’t ship them but they have sexual/romantic chemistry and also musical chemistry. I’m neutral about Brody and Rachel, he was hot, but he was also incredibly boring and one dimensional

Julyberry: the sexual tension between them is so high, i loved it when they did all that jazz, I think they should have been fuck buddies or had a one night stand. Lots of sexual and musical chemistry, i lowkey ship them bc milf!kate hudson rights. Maybe after Rachel graduates at nyda, they could date

[irwinkitten]

got lucky | c.h

requested by anon: ok so for the bi!reader concept: last year i ended my relationship w this girl the main reason was because she was really insecure and jealous especially about me being bisexual like anytime i would talk to a guy she would just get so upset about it and she would make such gross biphobic comments and at the time i had so much internalised biphobia that i tried to convince myself i was gay n stayed in the relationship longer than i should have because i rly liked her i guess lol anyways (1/4) we ended and a while afterwards i started seeing this guy who i’d known of for ages (friends of friends type situation) but we just never really talked before or hung out but from the first date we clicked and the sex was crazy good like the type of sex were ur ditching ur vibrators cuz he’s that good lmao so one weekend we went to this party together and of course she is also there, i was so surprised and i could see her eyeing us the whole night, so when she came over i was anxious af (2/4) and this guy knew i was bi! it was no secret, i worked really hard to accept myself! so she comes over and she deadass goes “are you straight now? i knew you would end up with a man!” and she’s all smug but also hurt and im standing there like what the fuck and THEN this dumb man goes “ha guess the sex is so good i made her straight again” and i’m literally about to cry over how gross the whole interaction is and im so shocked i can’t even defend myself, i dumped him that night obviously (3/) last messgae: so basically can you pls do a redo of the gross situation where instead of being with that dumb guy its with calum and he is so protective n sweet n NORMAL n encourages u to stand up for urself about bisexuality / your sexuality, because what happened to me happens too often and its disgusting and gross and no one deserves that!! only if u feel comfortable/inspired tho, no pressure!! love u laura, thank u for creating such a safe space for all the queer babies it means a lot 💘 notes: i kinda enjoyed writing this one esp for my sweet anon baby. i love u and i hope this is everything you wanted ♥  warnings: biphobia, implications of emotional abuse

word count: 3.2k

donate to my ko-fi here

-

“Hey what’cha doing sweets?” Calum’s voice pulled you from your musings, your hand idly tracing patterns against the paper but the pen remaining on the desk. You wrenched your thoughts from the spiral you seemed to have fallen down, a smile crossing your lips as you felt your heart flutter at the sight of him.

“Nothin’. Just thinking.” You finally replied as he pulled up one of the spare chairs next to you, the bustling activity of the coffee shop falling into your background noise as his thigh pressed against yours.

“Really? Normally you doodle when you’re just thinking.” He countered with ease and your eyes dropped to the paper, noticing that the pen remained where you’d placed it when you first sat down. Subconsciously you must’ve realised that the route your thoughts had gone were not suitable to put down on paper, your fingers picking up the pen and mind falling blank immediately.

“Oh.” You breathed before placing the pen back down and packing away the pad and pen.

“What’s running through your head, doll?” Calum’s voice was quiet and concerned, you shrugged.

“Just, a lot on my mind is all. You’re not my keeper just because we’ve slept together.” You admitted quietly and he frowned before picking up his bag and for a sinking second you thought he was going to walk off, but instead, he took your bag from your hands and slung it over his shoulder. 

He looked back at you expectantly and you sighed before standing up, leaving the coffee shop with him, your eyes on the floor as you fell into step next to him.

“Your place or mine?”

“E’s gonna be home and I don’t want to hear them rant about me bringing people back.” You muttered and Calum nodded. 

“I think Ash is out. He’ll probably head out to Luke’s if I show up with you.” At his smirk, you rolled your eyes fondly before shoving him towards the bus stop. His indignant “hey!” was only ignored as you two waited for the bus, his arm slung over your shoulders.

Selfishly, you leaned into his touch, trying to ignore the fact that your stomach was doing flips at his touch alone. 

The bus journey was a quiet ten minutes, but Calum seemed to understand that you weren’t willing to talk with so many people around, so he was content to just keep you close, and you were unwilling to pull away until his stop came up.

When you reached his shared house with Ashton, you noted that the car was gone from the driveway and Calum smirked.

“Looks like he’s out. C’mon.” His hand tucked around yours and pulled you inside. And for a second you wondered if you could distract him with sex, but then the guilt appeared and you could feel the tears of frustration appear as your thoughts swirled and you felt dizzy.

Calum had stepped ahead, turning to see you stood leaning against the closed door, head in your hands and he knew something was wrong. Stepping back to you, he dropped your bags and took your hand in his, pulling you upstairs to his room and your stomach twisted uncomfortably.

“Cal I-”

“I’m not suggesting that.” He muttered. You fell silent at that and as he pulled you into his room, you felt unsure, but he gave you no chance to really deny him as he crawled into bed before opening his arms out to you.

“Cal.”

“I know you. You don’t do emotional stuff well but I’m here for a cuddle and an ear if you need it.” You fell into the embrace easily, your head resting on his chest as his arms wrapped around your shoulders, his lips finding your temple as you finally felt something in you snap, the surge of emotions overwhelming and frighteningly vivid. 

“I keep telling myself that I never was a lesbian, that I still found men attractive but Poppy made me feel like having that attraction was stupid since I was dating her and that I was a lesbian and it’s so fucking confusing because I like you, but I can hear her voice screeching that I’m not right, that I’m a lesbian or faking it or a freak.” And for the first time since you left Poppy, you cried.

Calum had been waiting for this. When the split had happened, you’d been ready for it, you’d already left her mentally, but this was what he knew you needed. He knew that the relationship with her had been toxic, but you’d never revealed the extent of her behaviour. 

His heart broke.

“Just because you like both men and women does not mean you should feel so guilty over your sexuality. There’s a B in LGBT for a reason, doll. That’s you. You’re bisexual and you should be proud of that, not ashamed because some bitch with a control issue couldn’t handle the fact that you liked more than women.” 

You found yourself gripping his shirt with your fists as you pressed your face into his chest, trying to stem the tears that seemed relentless. But Calum held his silence whilst you got it out of your system, knowing that you needed to get this off your chest. 

“I’m sorry.” You finally got out, but he simply shushed you. 

“She was a shitty person with an attitude to show. You shouldn’t apologise for the bitch.” His words were simple but it gave you a breath of ease, pulling away as hands rubbed your shoulders gently. 

He was definitely too good to you, but he was there for you regardless and you were certain that you loved him for that.

“There’s gonna be a party on the other side of town in a couple of weeks. Ash took over the old Firefly down on Hartley. He’s revamping before opening the bar to the public. You fancy going?” And you smiled at the gentle distraction he was offering. 

“We get at least a free drink if we show up, right?” And Calum laughed as he kissed your temple. 

“He wouldn’t say no to me. Or you. In fact, I’m almost certain he’s expecting me to do full introductions on that night since Luke and Mike will be there with the others and their girls.” You rolled your eyes. 

“It’s not like I went to school with Luke or anything.” Came your sarcastic retort and Calum laughed as the two of you settled for the evening. 

“Pretty sure Luke last saw you when you started dating Poppy. He’s put two and two together but he won’t say anything unless you mention it. Even then he knows it’s not his place.” Your heart seemed to swell another size in affection for Luke. 

“You’re making it difficult for me to not fall in love with you Cal. Good dick, you know how to use those lips and fingers of yours, you make me feel like I belong and you respect boundaries without me having to ask.” You finally muttered and Calum gave you an almost wistful smile. 

“You may have been with Poppy but that didn’t stop me from being friends with you. You’re someone I’ve genuinely cared about from day one. Not gonna chuck that away because of who you are. Plus growing up with my mom and sister almost made certain I’d be in touch with my feminine side.” He teased but the sincerity and understanding in his tone eased your shoulders. 

Your features softened at the admittance and you pressed a kiss to his cheek.

“Then I definitely got lucky to have you in my life at least, falling in love or not.”

—

When the day of the party rolled around, you felt sick with nerves and you couldn’t understand why. 

When Calum rolled up to pick you up—he was driving to Luke’s who lived closest to the bar and you’d both get a ride back to yours before he picked up his car the following morning—he could see the nerves and the grimace on his face spoke volumes. 

“What?” You all but demanded when you were debating outfits. He’d been sitting on the bed watching, but got up and held his hands out to you. 

You took them hesitantly. His thumbs almost immediately started to soothe across the back of your hands to help relax you. 

“Word has gotten around that Poppy is planning to show up. We haven’t exactly been quiet about our relationship, but I didn’t think she’d pull something like this.” And your stomach churned uncomfortably. 

“We’re still going. Ashton promised free drinks and we’ll be in the VIP area right?” You checked and Calum nodded.

“Ashton has already told the bouncers that she’s not allowed near the VIP section. They’re checking and rechecking the lists to make sure she isn’t on one of them.” He explained and you let out a breath of air. 

“Okay. It’ll be fine. It’s being handled and I’ve got you. Now which outfit do you think I should wear?” He studied your face for a second before a smile broke across his lips. 

“The dark purple with the deep plunge. Is it wrong of me to flaunt in her face what she lost?” And you laughed as you kissed him. 

“I mean, yes. But I also know that you want to show me off properly now that we’ve got things really settled.” You murmured and he grinned back unabashedly. 

It was still an uphill battle, but he’d given you a lot to think about. And after gentle convincing, you’d found an LGBT friendly therapist who helped you process your thoughts. It helped you come to terms with accepting the toxic relationship that you’d been in but also it highlighted how beneficial Calum had been as a friend and confidant. 

It also gave you the courage to ask Calum out officially, wanting to be with him entirely and not just in the evenings. 

He took that in his stride and things shifted once more between the two of you. When you opened up to him about some of your sessions, you knew that your trust had been well placed because he never indicated anything to his friends and so you were never subjected to pitying stares or glares. 

You were almost sure that you’d fall in love with him faster than you fell for Poppy. 

The drive to Luke’s was filled with your nerves. You hadn’t seen Luke in years and you were also meeting his two other friends, Ashton and Michael as well as their partners. 

“Ashton’s excited to finally meet you and stop telling me to be careful when I go to yours.” 

Despite Calum living with Ashton, your schedules never seemed to match and more often than not, Calum could be found at your place, a small sanctuary from your hectic lives. 

Ashton never begrudged that time you shared together, but Calum had mentioned a few times about how snappy he was being on the subject. 

“He’ll chill when he realises I’m not out to break your heart or steal something.” You muttered with a chuckle. Calum snorted in return as he pulled into Luke’s driveway. 

Your nerves return full force as he pulls you to the front door and steps in like he lives there. 

“Hey fuckers, anyone about?” He called through and was met with calls of confirmation, another yell following that they were in the dining room. Your fingers squeezed Calum’s tightly and he didn’t hesitate to return it, his thumb soothing across the skin on the back of your hand.

“Look who it is!” A voice crowed loudly as he stepped into the dining room, followed by loud calls of greetings. 

There was a flurry of introductions and you felt like the spotlight was being shone on you, under scrutiny from his best friends gazes once they had greeted their friend and Calum had introduced you. Or re-introduced you in Luke’s case.

“Well c’mon, the last time I saw you we were leaving school. What’s been happening to you?” Luke finally asked, indicating to the seat next to him. A small smile graced your lips as you sat down, Calum falling into the seat next to you as you shrugged. 

“Life I guess? It’s been definitely more interesting with the different jobs and moving about. Building up a social life again.” Luke’s face filled with a frown at that. 

Michael came in next. 

“Building up a social life? Did you not have one?” His words held an innocent curiosity, yet you felt yourself hesitate. 

“My ex was controlling to the point that I couldn’t do anything without their permission. They managed to make me believe that no one really wanted me around and I lost touch with old friends, like Luke.” You glanced to the side and he was frowning. 

The others held varying degrees of stunned shock or disapproval. 

“Well then he was a cunt.” Michael muttered and your eyes refused to meet theirs at the assumptions. Luke stayed quiet but his hand rested on your knee, squeezing it. You shot him a gentle smile in return.

“Well it’ll be good to have you back in our lives. Especially with these two knuckleheads.” He nodded at Ashton and Michael who immediately protested and you laughed. 

It felt like you’d known them for years as you all had a few shots. Ashton, despite being the owner of the bar, wasn’t worried about turning up with his friends. He’d already explained to his staff that he’d be around for the rest of the night once he arrived and he’d told the small groups he’d be here and there. 

After a handful of shots, the group of you made your way to the bar, your arm linked with Calum’s. There were separate conversations happening between you all, their girlfriends including you on their pamper night whilst the boys discussed a possible games night for all of you. 

When you arrived at the club, you saw the queue of people waiting to get in and the subsequent groans from the line as the bouncer let you in, no questions asked. 

Ashton guided the group of you to the VIP section and the music was still loud but you could still hear each other talking. You were chatting away with Luke’s girlfriend, arm still linked with Calum’s as Ashton disappeared to get drinks. 

Calum pulled your attention away briefly, his lips by your ear. 

“I’ve spotted her. She’s not seen us yet so don’t worry.” You barely nodded, acknowledging his words as you listened in, fighting to keep your nerves down. 

The night continued and you were all a few drinks deep. Calum’s arm had barely left your waist all night as you talked and danced and drank. You’d been welcomed into his group of friends with an ease you never realised existed. 

You’d deliberately not tried to seek out Poppy, silently praying that the universe would comply. But as the group of you stood out in the smokers area, huddled together under a heating lamp, your stomach sank as she stepped out, her eyes narrowing on you. 

“Fuckin’ knew it!” You could feel the alarm in your face as you stepped back into Calum, his arm going around you protectively. 

“Poppy, you’re drunk.” You felt curious gazes from your new friends, but you didn’t spare them a glance.

“You break up with me and go running to his arms, I knew you weren’t a fuckin lesbian. Pretending to try it out? Just another straight girl seeking attention. Fucking freak.” She snapped and your stomach sank. 

“Get it through your thick head that she’s bisexual.” Calum snapped in your defence, earning a glare from Poppy. But Calum didn’t shrink from the glare, your glance to his face confirmed he was giving her his own. You were mildly impressed that she didn’t back down instantly. 

“She’s a fuckin liar! Years of my life wasted on this bitch.” She spat at your feet and you took in a deep breath. 

“You don’t get to control me anymore, Poppy. I’ve liked both men and women, but you never liked that because it meant that I had more chances of leaving you. And I wished I’d have left you sooner. Calum certainly thought so.” 

“Of course you fucked the first man to pay you any attention.” Your heart sank once more at her declaration and you felt your mind fall into the old trap that you’d fought with for so long. 

“No she never. In fact she slept with a few girls long before she slept with me. But I was her best friend as she tried to deal with the mess you created in her mind.” Calum snapped back. You felt your heart swell for him. 

Poppy stepped forward, her hand raised but then Ashton stepped in front of you. 

“Get out. You’re no longer welcome in this bar.” He made a gesture and security slowly made their way over. 

“She shouldn’t be fucking welcome!” Poppy yelled back, but Ashton held firm. 

“She is my friend. You are not. Get. Out.” When the bouncer rested a hand on her arm, she shrugged it off and stormed away. Your entire body was trembling.

“So that was the ex, huh?” Michael commented and you could feel your hands trembling as you nodded. “Why didn’t you correct me?” Calum spoke up for you as his hands took yours. 

“It’s been a battle for her. Poppy had convinced her she was a lesbian, that she was wrong for having any attraction to men. In Poppy’s world, either your gay, lesbian or straight. Being bisexual isn’t acceptable in her eyes.” Calum’s arms wrapped around you and you stood there, holding onto him for dear life. 

“Well that makes two of us then.” Michael’s casual comment had your knees go weak and you let out a weak laugh. 

“Thank you Ash.” You finally murmured when you pulled away from Calum. Ashton didn’t hesitate to wrap his arms around you in a warm hug that was both comforting and reassuring. 

“Hey, you’ve been the best thing for my best mate. And you were friends with Luke once before. I’ve definitely got your back. And I get why you didn’t say anything and don’t hold that against you.” He muttered and you breathed a sigh of relief before returning to Calum’s embrace. 

“More drinks or are we gonna go back to Luke’s?” And you shook your head. 

“Let’s stay. I’m not gonna let her ruin it,” you leaned forwards so your lips were by his ear as the others went inside, “also I want to see if we can christen the bar in one of the toilets.” You breathed. Calum groaned as his grip around you got tighter and he pulled you in for a kiss that promised more. 

“Oh you’re so fucked sweetheart. Especially since I know where the individual lips are and they aren’t attended by anyone.” You held back a moan at that thought before pulling away, your hand in his. 

“Dance first?” And the innocence in your tone made him laugh as he followed behind you willingly. 

“Menace.” The term was laced with affection as he caught up to you, kissing the spot just below your ear. 

You simply grinned in return as you pulled him onto the dance floor, Poppy long forgotten as he danced with you. 

-

@sexgodashton, @goth5sos, @calumsmermaid, @empathycth, @wildflowergrae, @calpops, @rosecolouredash, @cal-puddies, @clockwork124, @loveroflrh, @stellar5sosrecs, @ashtoniwir, @cthla, @liketheydidwithyou, @sc0ttish-wildfl0wer​, @bluehairedtracii, @drummerboy794, @feliznavidaddycal, @i-calumhood, @wokeupinjapanisabop, @converse-luke, @madbomb, @ccnicole02, @youngblood199456, @aulxna, @megz1985, @lukesidentitycrisis, @snapback-irwie, @neonweeknds, @666yourwitchyfriend666, @gamerboymike, @cashtonasfuck, @ashtaway, @conquerwhatliesahead92, @itjustkindahappenedreally, @twoamhood, @kchillout, @damselindistressanu, @colormekaykay, @findingliam-o, @sublimehood, @sugarcoated-pain, @singt0mecalum, @singledadharrington​, @calumspeachy​, @colourfulcalum​, @lostincalum​, @burncrashbromance​, @asht0ns-world​, @a-mnd, @flusteredcliffo​, @loti18​, @ixcantxdecidexwhosxmyxfave​, @clumclum-hood​, @fangirl-everythang​, @lashtondaddies​, @calumssunshine​, @ambskiwi​, @abundant-stars​, @caltattoohood, @seedless-vascular, @myescapefromthislife​, @lmao5sosimagines​, @beyoncesdragon​, @jae-writes-fanfiction​, @cxddlyash​, @tresfandom​, @utterly-u-n-p-e-r-f-e-c-t​, @niallisworld​, @lietomevalntyn​, @babylon-corgis​, @monochrome44​, @behind-my-hazeleyes27​, @ghost0fy0u​, @lyllibug​, @bloodmoonashton​, @balsamic-cal, @calumsbaldhead​, @washedout-ky, @calumssunshinee​, @ghostofmashton​, @summerellaz​, @a-little-less-sixteen​, @cashworthy​, @smokeinherlungs​, @longlastingdaydream​, @h0tsos​, @sweetcherrymike​, @5sosnsfw​, @sugar-nico​, @sunnysideblog, @angel-cal​, @samros95​, @maluminspace​, @lukeinblue​, @cakesunflower​, @allamerican-betch​,  @britnicole11​, @gigglyirwin​, @everyscarisahealingplace, @loverofcashton​, @iovehemmings​, @g-l-pierce​, @jannimoeller3​, @wildmichaelflower​, @lukeskisses​, @5sossstan​, @youngbloodchild​, @alloutofcashton​, @tobefalling​, @abb-lan-5sos​, @calumsbub​, @flameraine​, @here-for-the-uproars​, @mateisit-balsamic​, @ilovelukey​, @sarahshepherdblog​

[sugarandspice-games]

Okay, so I finally got through Saeran's good ending, I might go back and play the normal and other bad endings later if I feel like it, but as that was an emotional rollercoaster, I need some time to recover. But I'm going to put my full review under the cut.

Will I be releasing my rewrite outline at this point (though not really a rewrite, since I made it before the AE was ever released when I was drunk and salty at the lack of news)? I'm not sure. I wasn't 100% satisfied, but we'll call it a good 65% as I feel like there was more I liked than I hated. I'll leave that decision up to my dear readers, whether or not they want to see it. (Though there are only like... 8 of you here and I know you're probably here for Obey Me content and not MysMess)

I do plan on playing the Jumin Bad End DLC, but I may not liveblog it as I haven't really heard good things. This seems like another ploy for fanservice, but I do want to get more lore about Jumin's backstory, and honestly... I'm gay and want to see those sexy CGs. That being said... this is the last I will discuss the canon material on this blog, and it may be the last time I engage with the canon material (as I believe cheritz has announced that this is the finale anyway, and will no longer update the game). I will most likely continue to create fan content for it, as Sugar and I have our own sort of... fanfic thing going on with the characters and our OCs. But this is a personal and huge special interest of mine, and rather than go through everything and pick it apart for the rest of my days... I want to leave the game and the characters I love so much with only my happiest memories. They'll live on in my heart.

But I digress... here is my semi-condensed review. Sugar may talk about it as well, though I do not speak for them. THIS SHOULDN'T NEED TO BE SAID BUT HERE THERE BE SPOILERS. DO NOT READ IF YOU DID NOT COMPLETE THE GOOD END OF RAY'S AE.

The Good:

Saeran. Saeran was the best thing about this route. His character development was beautiful, and every time I saw him, I felt my heart swell with pride and love. His new sprites are so adorable as well as his beautiful CGs, and he looks healthier and happier in a lot of them. He's grown to be such a loving, gorgeous, wonderful man despite everything that happened in his painful life, and his story is nothing short of inspirational. I have a lot of love for Saeran, I have from the moment I saw him but this route really drove it home for me. He will have a special place in my heart among my fictional loves that can never be replaced.

Jumin Jumin Jumin! Jumin was one of the absolute MVPs this route, he was doing the most and boy... I just want to hug him. Even though he was in horrendous pain he was doing the absolute best he could to help everyone. He's been a love of mine for a long time, and that love only grew in this route. I was also glad to meet Driver Kim and see the interaction between him and Daddy Han Sr. (Because obviously Juju is the junior Daddy Han lol)-- even though I have mixed feelings about the Chairman, it makes me happy to see Jumin getting the caring he deserves from his father. And the fact that he even turned his back to let Jumin express his emotions without feeling embarrassed... Fucking killed me.

They did Rika right this go around. Yes, she got off to a really rough start, but she was very human and bearable here... and complete with her realizing her wrongdoings and working to right them in the end. It was a gorgeous arc, I'm so happy for her. I have a love hate relationship with her character, as she used to be a very badly written villain IMO... but one of the good things about Another Story in general is that it gave her depth that she didn't have before. And if they wanted to redeem her, they 100% did it right here, even if she had a rough beginning and had to make mistakes to get to where she was. I thought it was very human. Good on you, cheritz.

Vanderwood got a lot of good interactions here, and I'm really happy they gave us more Van content. Even if we're not getting a route for him, it's enough to me to finally see him expressing the affection we all know that he holds for Saeyoung, and working to help him.

The twins finally get to be happy! Need I say more?

Everyone doing well in their lives made me really happy too... most of the other routes had this problem where if one person got to be happy, someone else would have to suffer in exchange. I'm so glad that everyone got a happy ending.

The new chats made me extra emotional... I'm not sure why, to be honest, I think I'm just happy to see everyone again. It had been such a long time since I played Mystic Messenger, and talking to everyone again just like old times felt like returning to a childhood home (though I was 19 when I discovered this game initially, haha). I cried a lot, which is extra weird for me since I don't tend to cry in general.

Yoosung loves Saeran soooo much... in fact, everyone does. It made me happy, bc I was initially worried that he wouldn't have made friends with the RFA or that it would be awkward, but seeing everyone loving him and him being sweet back to them was adorable. Jumin also loves him and you can't change my mind (though maybe that's my wishful thinking of being in a Jumin & Saeran sandwich talking...)

So many good messages in this AE, and they hit very personally. I came to the same realization last year, that in the end, nothing in life matters except love, since you can't take anything else with you when you die. I shan't elaborate more!

Everyone's voice acting was so good! It was so beautiful and emotional, I could feel it through their voices. I usually skip the voice lines since I read so fast, but I'm happy I didn't.

The Bad:

Oh Jihyun... what have they done to you? I know I said he wasn't OOC and I stand by that, but it really feels like the writers hated him this AE. Even his sprite looked so awful and blurry. And he didn't get any good realization that he deserved better or anything, the literal cult leader and prime fucking minister got to be redeemed when he didn't. What the actual fuck. Sugar will definitely have more to say about it, and probably in a more articulate way, but let it be known that I don't like it either.

Furthermore, even if it's not OOC, it's structurally sloppy for him to come to some realization only to stay the exact same as he's always been. And same with Rika too. As I said in a previous post, having them both go through these realizations only to make them the villains again really felt like beating a dead horse. What can I say except AAAAAAAAA. WHAT THE FUCK?

Again, I must reiterate... why'd they make it so you have to be a bitch to Rika to get the good ending? I get that it's probably wish fulfillment for some people in the fandom, but it isn't for me. I really don't have any desire to berate or insult her bc in the end she needs serious help (even if I wanted to throw hands with her sometimes), and if the point was to call her on her misbehavior... some of it went too far (looking @ the "Don't stab Saeran's eyes out!" choice. I didn't like that at all, especially since it felt like you were making fun of Jihyun's trauma.) It especially made the end of her arc fall flat when she's like "Thank you for being kind and trying to understand me..." like, gurl... the game didn't let me do that without making me bad end! Jeez.

Also, literally why was it necessary to redeem the prime minister? He's a monster who tried to murder his own children. It's okay if they needed that scene where Saeran and you tried to understand him, but having him actually come around made no sense... why would he want to listen to you or Saeran when we've seen time and time again that there isn't really any good in him? He's just not a good person. And no, I'm not saying this because I wanted him to die or anything! ...Okay, maybe I did. Fuck that guy. I hate him. (Also the whole "you're only this way because you're lonely!" was so corny, I didn't choose those options but gjkgkgkfk)

The Ugly:

Have y'all heard about how much I hate the agency Boss? I hate him so much... I want to drown him in the toilet. I want to feed him taco bell laced with laxatives. I want to-- anyway, I digress. Not classifying this under bad because cheritz did their job by making him hateable and oh boy, did I hate him. He made me want to barf. I also commend his voice actor for somehow making me feel greasy through the screen. Seriously, dude, hats off to you. You are a genius.

That's about all I have to say for now... you can peruse my talk tag if you want to see any of my other thoughts on this game, but they don't tie into the good and bad. Despite the flaws, I enjoyed myself this route and I'm happy I played it. Even though there will always be things to improve upon in this game... I'm happy I picked it up, and I'm happy I met everyone. I would write them all letters or something but that'd be kinda corny since they're just game characters and won't see it anyway, and I know I'm not the only nor am I the most attractive MC out there... so this is Spice, signing out! Byebye, Mystic Messenger. You'll always have a special place in my heart.

All of the... weird horniness between Rika and Saeran made me feel grossed out. Her having him in a collar with a leash, and the game options that insinuate she has a thing for him... ew ew ew. Please stop it. That shit is so disgusting and I'm going to puke.

@ Both Saeyoung and Saeran: stop fucking trying to die all the time! Seriously! Let me love you and want to save you, when will you get it through your thick skulls that one gay ass MC who loves you very very dearly would NEVER be happy if you died? AAAAAAAA

[legumelupin]

Cake Week!

here it is! the first chapter of this story that i love so much but is ruining my life! and here it is on ao3! it’s over 11k so please enjoy

WEEK 1 — CAKE

“It’s the moment every dessert lover, every pastry lover, really any kind of bake lover has been waiting for. The tent is staked and there are 12 new bright-eyed and bushy-tailed amateur bakers ready to battle it out. These bakers are some of the finest in the United Kingdom and were hand-selected out of thousands of applicants. 

“They practiced for months and months to perfect new and old skills to take on a new set of challenges. Original signatures, grueling technicals, and spectacular showstoppers that are all made to push the baker's creativity and determination to the edge. Who will come out victorious? And who will collapse under a soggy bottom? 

“This season, the bakers will be judged by none other than the lovely baking queen of Scotland, Minerva McGonagall. She’s hard to impress and incredibly blunt but boy does she make spectacular ginger biscuits. Her co-judge is the man who looks great for his age and who’s palate ranges from lemon sherbert to cockroach cookies. That’s right, it’s the ever-serene Albus Dumbledore. But the bakers had better watch out, our dear Dumbly isn’t afraid to shatter hopes and dreams. And as always, this season will be hosted by myself, Horace “Sluggy” Slughorn, and the large and in charge, Rubeus Hagrid.

“For their first week, our brand new bakers will have to overcome the woes of cake week. That means avoiding dry sponges, merengues that aren’t whipped properly, and batter that is over’werked’ as our dear Minerva would say.

“Welcome to Season 7 of the Great British Bake Off!”

~

Remus tied the apron around his waist, his hands shaking uncontrollably as he was still processing where exactly he was. He was in The Tent! The people in charge of the Great British Bake Off chose his application as one of the ones to be a part of the next season. Him! Remus John Lupin! What the fuck? What were they thinking? What was he thinking? He had let his mother convince him into applying, citing his bread and his knack for precision as qualities that could help him. He just never thought he would be here, ever. But he was! 

He took a look around, noting all the cameras and feeling his stomach start to twist itself into a knot a bit. Oh gods, what in the world was he thinking? He’d be on TV and chances are he’d make a fool of himself for everyone to see! He thought of the day the camera crew had shown up to his family’s small cottage just outside of Cardiff. He had been maybe even more nervous then than he was now considering how intimate the whole ordeal was. They just followed him around for a few hours and had him hang in the kitchen with his mother while his father sat at the counter reading the paper. They followed him to his job at a bookshop just inside of town and he talked about his dream to go to university to study literature. If he didn’t think too hard about it, being in The Tent didn’t seem so bad anymore. 

And then one of the Minerva McGonagall and Albus Dumbledore walked in. Gods, he wished he packed a joint in his bag for after. Or even his pack of cigs. He was going to need it afterward judging by how hard his legs were shaking. He looked to the workstation across from him and found a woman with long, red hair and he remembered her vaguely from the little mingling session the producers of the show hosted for contestants the day before. Remus did his best to socialize but he mostly kept to himself, thinking about the book that was waiting for him on his train ride home. But looking at her now, she was hard not to remember with hair like that and green eyes that pierce him even from the distance he’s at. 

She caught his eye and offered him a kind smile that he returned easily, feeling a bit better. He could see the worry lines etched on the side of her mouth. Honestly, Remus should have been paying more attention to the competition if he wanted to win but he’d been so inside his head that he didn’t even remember any of their names let alone what they looked like. All he remembered from the night before was the piercing blue eyes of Albus Dumbledore and the raucous laughter of Rubeus Hagrid. He was so shell-shocked that all he could do was tell himself not to panic and have a drink with a few of the other contestants that he didn’t remember the names of. 

But now, here he was, smiling at the girl with flaming red hair, waiting for the camera crew to give the cue for them to start. They’d gotten the opening shots with all the new bakers lined up outside the tent and all of them walking into the tent for the first time. Remus was almost positive that his gaze was downcast the entire time. It was almost like he was asking to leave on the first episode but in reality, he did really want to win. He was terrified and an anxious disaster. But he was a terrified and anxious disaster with a passion to win.

“Psst, hey!” a voice whispered behind him and Remus raised an eyebrow, turning his head to find the most gorgeous man his bisexual eyes have ever seen. Remus suppresses a groan. Why did Gorgeous-Man have to get his attention before the first task? As if it wasn’t going to be hard enough before, all Remus would be able to think about now were those stormy grey eyes and long, very soft-looking black hair. He would definitely overbake his sponge. 

~

Sirius Black was very nervous. He was incredibly proud of himself for making it onto the show but he was also still in disbelief. Even when he was standing at his workstation for their first bake of cake week, he didn’t believe he was actually going to be on his favorite TV show. The night before hadn’t done anything to soothe his nerves or let him know that this was actually real but he did meet a really wonderful bloke by the name of James Potter who was also a contestant on the show. They hit off on their first interaction and hit the pub right after the little event had ended. Sirius felt he’d made a friend forever in the guy.

“Hey man, this is crazy right?” a brown-skinned guy with unruly black hair and kind, hazel eyes said, gesturing to the large white tent that was just down the hill from the little area of the grounds the newest contestants were all gathered in. He looked to be around Sirius’s age. “Never thought I’d be here but I guess they liked my application enough even though I made a complete fool of myself,” the guy snorted and Sirius raised an eyebrow. 

“I suppose they just wanted a village fool and they thought you’d do the best job,” Sirius snarked and the guy looked affronted but to the point of mocking him.

“You say that as if it isn’t a high honor, young sir!” the man proclaimed and Sirius cracked a grin. 

“I have to say, kind fellow, I’m going to put up a hell of a fight to be crowned the title of fool before you,” Sirius jested back and the guy laughed heartily. 

“I’m James Potter,” he extended his hand and Sirius took it in his own. 

“Sirius,” the pale male answered and James quirked an eyebrow but didn’t let go of his hand. 

“Course I’m serious, why would I lie about my name?” James asked and Sirius snorted.

“No, I’m Sirius,” he replied and James just leveled him with a small glare. 

“About what, mate? You haven’t even said anything,” James shot back and Sirius rolled his eyes. 

“No, you oaf. My fucking name is Sirius,” he laughed and James’s face fell for a second before it broke out into a large grin. 

“That’s right funny, Sirius. You can make a lot of jokes with that,” James smiled and Sirius laughed. 

“Just did, mate,” Sirius remarked and James didn’t stop grinning. 

“Wanna grab a pint after this?” James asked and Sirius knew. He just knew. This guy was gonna be his best friend after this night. 

“Sounds like a plan to me. I’d get out of here right now if it weren’t the set of fucking Bake Off,” Sirius murmured and James grinned at him again. 

“Is someone nervous?”

“As if you aren’t. Or I suppose you’re too daft to feel nervous.”

“Oi! Now that’s just rude!”

“You didn’t even understand when I introduced myself!”

“Your name is fucking Sirius! Pardon me for not knowing very many people named after celestial bodies!”

“Well, you’re pardoned! Happy?”

“Incredibly, good sir!”

They hit the pub together after the party as promised and got properly shitfaced and Sirius was sure that he would want to remember that night forever. Bake Off was already getting his mind off his shit life but this bloke, this James Potter, seemed to be a forever friend. 

James was sat at the station on Sirius’s right and they kept glancing at each other. Both would be lying if they said they weren’t nursing a bit of a hangover which is not ideal considering it was their first day on the set of a baking TV show that would be broadcasted all over England. James pointed to the woman who sat in front of him and made a face at Sirius that indicated that he was absolutely smitten with this woman. He’d never even talked to her. Sirius rolled his eyes and shook his head. James glared at him and stuck out his tongue, and then feigned absolute hurt when Sirius didn’t change the look on his face.

Sirius could only roll his eyes again but with a smile this time. He turned his attention to the guy sitting in front of him who was wearing a sweater that was definitely not appropriate for this fucking disgusting weather. Sirius knew it wasn’t his place to say shit to the guy but holy fucking hell it was as hot as Satan’s balls out! So, like a typical Black (and he was well aware of his cousin’s presence in the tent which was kind of crazy but he tried not to think too hard about it), he said something. 

“Psst, hey!” he whispered loudly and thankfully, the guy heard him and turned around briefly. Sirius’s gay panic went haywire at that moment. He forgot about the sweater all at once and was stuck between a sea of honey brown and a forest of glorious summer green and freckled cheeks with a couple of faint scars running across a beautiful nose. He had fucking freckles and heterochromia. Oh gods, he was toast. Pun intended. 

“Yeah?” the guy asked, his voice sounded strained. How had Sirius not seen him last night? Or this morning? Was he seriously so far up James’s ass and happy to have a friend that he didn’t even notice this hot string bean amongst the ten other contestants? Yes, yes he was. But that wasn’t an excuse!

“Oh, um, I was just… Mate, how the hell are you wearing that thing right now?” Sirius asked incredulously and the man’s face fell to be quickly unimpressed. 

“I've been cold on the inside since I’ve been ten,” he deadpanned and Sirius raised an eyebrow at him. “Basically I’m depressed,” he continued after before making to turn back front. 

“Wait, you’re not even gonna tell me your name Mr. I- Wear -a -Sweater -in -the -Dead -of -Summer?” Sirius quipped and the guy actually managed a smile. Sirius groaned internally. No one should be allowed to look that hot!! And he was just fucking smiling!! At this rate, Sirius couldn’t even bring himself to think about fucking cake (unless it was this guy’s cake, if you know what he’s saying. Wink wink).

“Remus Lupin. Care to tell me yours? Mr. I-Have-No-Manners-and-Can’t-Recognized-a-Depressed-Bastard?” the guy snarked back, not losing the amused look on his beautiful face.

Sirius barked out a laugh causing the other contestants to look over to them and Sirius feared of being shushed so he quickly said, “Sirius Black.”

Remus nodded at him, a small smile still piquing on his lips before turning back around. And finally, the set fucking called for action. Now, what was the cake he’d been practicing for weeks?

~

Marlene McKinnon was an absolute ball of nerves and it was obvious to everyone around them, too. They couldn’t sit still. One minute they were bouncing their leg up and down, another they were wringing their hands, another their fingers were twisting around their long chestnut brown ponytail, and another minute they were braiding that ponytail. But before they knew it, Sluggy and Hagrid were welcoming all of them to Cake Week and giving the prompt, which they already knew, before the legendary send-off:

“On your marks,” said Hagrid.

“Get set!” Sluggy cheered.

“BAKE!” they both rang out together and it was like Marlene blacked out. 

Their adrenaline took over and they raced around her work station, grabbing sugar, eggs, and flour for their orange zest angel food cake. Their workstation was one of the first two from the tent’s entrance which they were honestly thankful for because that meant the judging and hosting teams came to them first. And they wanted as little distractions as possible. 

“Marlene, what kind of angel food cake are you making for us today?” Sluggy asked, peering around her workstation. They looked up and saw the calculating gaze of Albus Dumbledore on their batter in the mixer and the stern eyes of Minerva McGonagall boring into their own. Their knees wobbled and they fought to keep themself upright. Minerva was an inspiration for them and now the woman was going to be judging their bakes. 

“Oh, um.. I’m going to be making an orange zest angel food cake with chocolate glaze and fresh whipped cream,” they said while trying to keep their voice from shaking. 

“Sounds quite lovely,” Albus said serenely. 

“Yes, I expect a strong orange flavor in your cake,” Minerva insisted curtly but with a small peak of a smile. 

“Of course! I hope it comes through,” Marlene smiled and they knew that this was where her little introduction would be placed in post-production of the show. The production crew followed them around Cambridge and talked about how they worked as a physician's assistant for a nephrologist and lived with their two cats. 

 They were quite happy with their life at the moment, they kept up with their family who didn’t live that far away and their job was fulfilling. But they were a hopeless romantic and were on the lookout for a lovely lady to woo or for one to woo them. 

They glanced around their station once the judges and hosts moved on and caught the eye of a dark-skinned girl named Dorcas Meadowes that they met yesterday along with a red-head named Lily Evans and another woman with mousy brown hair named Alice. Dorcas gave them a small smile before turning back to her own bake and Marlene felt their cheeks heat up a bit and really hoped no cameras were pointed at them. 

The bakers had two hours for the first bake of the season and Marlene thought everything was going well. Their egg whites whipped up well, they zested many oranges, everything seemed to be going alright. They couldn’t say the same for the man across from them. He had long blond hair and a permanent sneer on his face that said he thought he was better than everyone. Marlene remembered him from the night before and rolled their eyes then just like they were rolling them now. 

He fucked up his egg whites it seemed like and was obviously disgruntled as the camera crew moved to his station for what kind of angel cake he was making. Marlene marked him as a weak link in their head but they didn’t dwell on it too long as their egg whites weren’t yet stiff peaks. They kept beating them. 

Marlene was a whirlwind of movements for the next hour and a half until Hagrid announced they all had a half-hour left and they felt absolutely overwhelmed despite actually being in a pretty good place in their bake. Their sponge was cooling and it looked well-baked but not over baked, their chocolate glaze was almost ready and all they had left was their whipped cream and to slice some oranges as a garnish. 

“Looks like he broke your focus,” the woman behind Marlene’s station smirked but not unkindly. 

“Oh, uh yeah,” Marlene answered with a breathy laugh. 

“Sorry if that was weird, you’re just in front of me and you’ve been in the zone the entire time. It’s admirable, I hope it’s all going well for you,” the woman smiled sweetly and Marlene smiled back at her. They noticed all around the tent, bakers were conserving and bantering with each other and they hadn’t said a word since the very beginning. 

“No, it’s not weird and thank you. I hope it’s going well for you too, this is all so scary,” Marlene answered and the woman smiled at them more. She didn’t seem too much older but she was definitely on the older side of the contestants. Almost everyone else looked to be Marlene’s age. 

“Yeah but think about it, if you didn’t deserve to be here, you wouldn’t be,” she reminded Marlene and the person nodded. “I’m Andromeda, by the way. It’s nice to meet you and hopefully, there’ll be a friendly face around here over the next few weeks, assuming I make it through,” she said softly and Marlene nodded again.

“I’m Marlene, it’s good to meet you too,” they answered before turning back to their bake, making sure their chocolate glaze wasn’t burning or anything. 

There was a minute left before they could even realize and their cake was glazed, their whipped cream was cold and sitting like a cloud atop the cake, and they were just finishing slicing their oranges. They chanced a glance up and around and saw the blond man across from them struggling. His sponge looked overdone and his lemon glazed looked too runny. They could only hope that the orange was strong enough in their cake to compete with their chocolate glaze and cut through it. 

“Bakers, time is up! Please step away from your bakes and move your Angel Food cakes to the end of your table!” Sluggy called out to the group and almost simultaneously, everyone out down what they were doing and stepped back. Marlene was satisfied with how their cake looked, they really only wanted it to taste good now. They took a look around at everyone else’s.

~

Sirius had dried batter on his face and his usually pristine hair was rather disheveled but his angel food cake looked delicious, at least in his eyes. It was a vanilla sponge with a sweet cranberry sauce running down the sides with strawberries on top. He looked forward at Mr. Remus Lupin’s cake and groaned. His looked fucking delicious and it looked like he made a chocolate angel cake sponge? The fucking drama of this guy! He looked over at James who looked very proud of his key lime pie inspired back and he had to admit it was impressive. 

“We got this in the bag,” the man whispered-shouted across the way, his arms crossed proudly over his chest. The girl in front of him who he was gaping at two hours ago turned and gave him a slightly disgusted look and he noticed and grinned at her. “Like what you see?”

“Aha, you wish,” she sneered and Sirius decided she wasn’t his favorite person. What was her deal? Sure James was a little cocky but so what? 

“Oh come on, Red. You don’t think my sponge looks good?” he asked with an easy grin and the girl rolled her eyes before facing forward. Judging was starting. 

~

Remus’s internal panic alarms were ablaze. He was proud of his bake for sure but it wasn’t up to his usual standard in his opinion. There was a good chance the sponge was dry on his vanilla one and his chocolate one had a very good chance of being underbaked. His pastry cream was set well enough but he was nervous all the same. All he could hope for was that it tasted better than how he imagined it did. 

He watched Albus and Minerva make the rounds with Hagrid by their side from behind him. They were tasting a greasy-haired guy’s cake and they seemed kind of meh with it like it didn’t do anything special for them and from what he could tell, it was just a normal sponge with some powdered sugar and strawberries on top.

“I’d like to see more,” Minerva said, a tone of disappointment in her voice. The guy just gritted his teeth and nodded shortly before turning to look forward. 

The judges moved onto the guy in front of the one they just judged who’d been talking to Sirius just a minute ago. He looked very proud and boastful of his bake and with good reason it seemed as the judges loved it and the guy who was judged first seethed very visibly, glaring daggers at the back of Sirius’s friend’s head. But Remus’s view was obscured when the judges crossed over to Sirius’s station. He could hear everything they were saying. 

“Right, Sirius my boy, this is vanilla angel food cake with cranberry sauce, right?” Albus asked and Sirius nodded while chewing his lip. He was fucking hot when he chewed his lip. Gods, Remus was so fucking bent for this guy and he had one conversation with him if it could’ve even been counted as a conversation. And he was a dick during the whole thing! How could he be a dick to the one attractive guy who’s talked to him in months? Remus held back a sigh as Minerva and Albus tasted Sirius’s cake. 

“Hm, that is scrummy. The cranberry is sharp and tart which is an excellent contrast to the sweetness of your sponge,” Minerva attested and Sirius’s face broke out into a smile. It was radiant and Remus never wanted him to stop. 

“Yes this is delicious, thank you,” Albus commented, giving a slow nod to Sirius. 

“Thank you,” he said softly, the smile never melting off his face. 

As Minerva and Dumbledore moved onto the person behind Sirius with Hagrid, Remus caught Sirius’s attention. “Nice one! Looks great,” he smiled and if it were possible, Sirius’s smile grew even bigger. Remus’s heart clenched because he made that happen. 

“Thanks, mate! Yours looks really good, a chocolate angel food cake is impressive,” Sirius whispered back and Remus flashed him a smile this time. 

“Thanks!” 

Remus faced forward again and waited for the judges to come to his station with a large amount of anxiety that grew with every second. He resisted the urge to bite his fingernails to shreds as he knew the cameras were still around and taking shots of people other than those who had the judges at their table. But Remus needn’t wait very long as the next person they came to was him. He sat up straighter when Hagrid addressed him. 

“Remus, what have you made fer the judges t’day?” he asked and Remus swallowed loudly. 

“Uh, it’s alternating chocolate and vanilla angel food cake with pastry cream in between the layers, topped with fresh whipped cream,” he said quickly but his voice didn’t waver thankfully. He was a mess. 

“It looks very neat and your pastry cream seems to have set very nicely. Quite ambitious for the first bake of the season, let’s just hope you pulled it off,” Minerva remarked but there was a shine in her eyes. 

“Yes, I hope I did too,” he said softly as they cut into his sponges and took a piece onto the plate set in front. 

“The vanilla sponge looks well baked,” Albus commented, tapping his fork lightly over it. “But I fear you may have misjudged the timing for your chocolate sponge, it appears a bit underdone,” he remarked and Remus nodded. He figured. “Best to try it.”

The two judges put a piece of his cake into their mouths and looked thoughtful for a moment. “These flavors are wonderful. And it’s quite a feat that you got your chocolate sponge to rise and still have such a profound flavor. The pastry cream is a nice texture too,” Minerva commented and Remus smiled at her. 

“Yes, this is very good indeed however your chocolate sponge is underbaked,” Albus continued and Remus nodded. 

“Right, sorry about that,” he murmured. 

“This is a very fine cake you have, Remus,” Albus finished and Remus tipped his head in thanks. 

“I’ll jus’ be taking a piece o’ that,” Hagrid said sneakily, taking a piece of chocolate sponge with him and Remus snickered, gesturing for him to take as much as he pleased. 

“Oi, mate, that’s amazing!” Sirius whispered from behind him and Remus turned to face him, both of them wearing dazed and happy smiles. Honestly, it went better than Remus had expected it to go for their first bake and he felt ready for the technical, though he didn’t want to be too cocky just yet. 

~ 

When the judges got around to that bloke Lucius, the one across from Marlene, they couldn’t help but roll their eyes despite the large number of nerves setting their entire body on fire. Oh gods, they were the last to be judged and from what they were hearing, the majority of the others had done really well. The bar was too high!! Too high!! Marlene wished they were high right about now but instead they had to listen to Minerva and Albus be disappointed with the blond git’s bake. At least that was something positive for them. They had heard high praises for Lily and Dorcas’ bakes and they really enjoyed Alice’s flavors. Marlene thought for a second that Andromeda was going to get a Minerva McGonagall handshake and here they were with just a plain old orange-flavored sponge and some chocolate sauce. 

They barely even registered when Hagrid addressed them due to never-ending nerves but stood up straight once they realized, watching Minerva and Albus inspect their sponge. 

“Looks to be a very good bake and the chocolate has a beautiful shine to it,” Albus remarked and Marlene smiled a bit. 

“Yeah let’s just hope the orange came through,” Minerva replied before putting her fork in her mouth. “And it does,” she added immediately after. “Beautifully, too,” she continued and Marlene’s shoulders sagged in relief. 

“That’s a very lovely sponge you have there,” Albus praised and Marlene grinned at him. 

“Thank you,” they said quietly and the group moved away. 

There was a flurry of movements but they were told to leave the tent so they could prepare for the technical and so the camera crew could get a few testimonials from the contestants. They called out a few names of who they wanted. 

“Lucius Malfoy, Severus Snape, Remus Lupin, and Alice Fortesque,” one of the crew members shouted. “Everyone else, please exit the tent. You may wonder the grounds and enjoy something from the buffet but you are due back in a half-hour for the next bake!”

Marlene hurried out of the tent and into the fresh air, feeling as though they were able to breathe for the first time that morning. Gods, if that was what it was going to be like for the next ten weeks, they didn’t know if they could make it! That was one bake and they were already knackered! They would really need to pack a joint with them for their travels back home if that’s what it was going to be like.

“Hey, Marls! Where’re you headed?” a voice that she recognized as Dorcas shouted from a few meters away. They looked up and saw the dark-skinned girl with pale-skinned Lily by her side, both with wide smiles and welcoming hand gestures. 

“Nowhere in particular!” they called back as they headed to join them on their walk. 

They talked and gossiped about the first challenge. Lily ranted about the guy behind her, James Potter, being an absolute git who was too cocky for his own good. And while she did sound truly exasperated by this man, Marlene could also tell she fancied him even if it was just a bit. Lily didn’t seem like the type to appreciate being told this though so Marlene kept a tight-lip and settled for exchanging knowing glances with Dorcas who couldn’t hold back the smirk from her face. Gods, Marlene was absolutely smitten with that look and they couldn't even admit to themself. They wouldn’t be surprised if the word hypocrite was emboldened on their tanned forehead. 

~

Sirius was a bit bummed that Remus got called for a testimonial. Not that he wanted to give one or anything but he was hoping he could drag the guy along with him and James during their break. James was great company though, he always had something to say and it was usually hysterical. It’s only been 24 hours since meeting the guy but it felt like they’d been friends since secondary school, if not before. 

“Hey, mate, you there?” James’ voice filtered into Sirius’s thoughts and he snapped his head towards the man. 

“Huh?” he managed gracefully. 

“I said that bloke sitting in front of you seemed pretty cool,” James repeated, not letting on if he noticed Sirius blatantly ignoring him for a minute. 

“Oh, Remus?” Sirius perked up causing James’s eyebrows to raise by a fraction before shrugging. 

“I suppose if that’s his name,” he jabbed and Sirius laughed a laugh that sounded to be that of a bark. James quite enjoyed it and thought it fit Sirius’s persona perfectly. 

“It is. And yeah, he’s very cool. Talked with him for a bit before we started,” Sirius insisted and James quirked a smile. 

“Wanna grab a nightcap tonight? We can invite this Remus character as well,” James offered and Sirius’s eyes shone brightly. He couldn’t help it. Remus was cute. 

“Yeah, sure! Sounds great to me, honestly anything to stay away from home for the night is good for me,” Sirius grinned. 

“Well if that’s the case, then you’ll just have to get too drunk to go home Mr. Black, causing me to insist you stay the night at my place so I can be sure you don’t sick up in your mouth and choke on it,” James grinned and Sirius grinned back. They looked like a right pair of scoundrels right then even if they had no intention of getting drunk enough to even feel their cheeks grow warm. They had the blasted show-stopper tomorrow! They couldn’t make fools of themselves just because they had a pint too many!

“Is that a challenge Mr. Potter?” Sirius poked and James laughed.

“Is that how you see it?” 

“Perhaps.”

“I think you mean mayhaps,” James corrected and Sirius snorted. 

“You’re fucking weird, Potter. That something you learned in Godric’s Hollow, some posh lingo or whatever?” Sirius taunted playfully and James scoffed. 

“You’re one to talk about bloody posh, mate. Sirius Black, named after a fucking star and grew up in rich London. I look like a right plebeian standing next to you. I might as well get down on my knees and kiss your—“

“Alright, alright, you can shut it now.”

“Eh, didn’t go too far did I?”

“Absolutely not, you prick. I’m just annoyed you refuse to acknowledge your own poshness, even if it’s more eccentric and fucking loony.”

“I’m not loony.”

“You just told me to say mayhaps.”

“As a joke!”

“Uh-huh, I’m sure.”

“You better watch your tongue, Sirius Black, I’m not afraid to tell on you to Minerva McGonagall! We’re close personal friends!” Sirius erupted into laughter and James followed suit. The break didn’t seem to last long enough. 

~ 

Remus stood back at his station rather disgruntled despite having gotten high remarks from the judges. But the attitudes of the two other guys chosen were just abysmal and Remus did not feed well off of negative energy. Thankfully, the girl Alice was an absolute sweetheart and he managed to occupy his waiting time talking with her and ignoring the two other assholes. However, when Alice went to give her shpiel on the first bake, he was left alone with Lucius Malfoy and Severus Snape, neither of which displayed any kindness. 

“That old bat doesn’t know what she’s talking about,” Lucius had snarled. 

“Neither of them can appreciate true artistry,” Severus had implored and Remus rolled his eyes but his ears burned as the man continued, “Praising an underbaked chocolate sponge. How very soft. I suppose they feel bad with all those scars. Paints a very interesting picture.”

“Hmph, I have to agree. And with all the praise for that brown skin and that black girl,” Lucius had sneered. Remus could tolerate slander directed at him but he drew the line at any kind of racism. 

“Hey, you better shut the fuck up,” Remus snarled as he turned around. “To be quite honest I couldn’t give a damn about your bitterness towards the judging but don’t go blaming it on others and don’t you dare bring anyone’s race into this. They have just as much of a right as you or I do and the fact they’re better than you makes you feel inferior. Well, I got news for you mate. You are inferior. And if I ever hear you badmouthing anyone for their race, I will fucking slug you where you stand,” he bit out quietly and without wavering. “Fucking trash,” he gritted out, spitting at Lucius’s feet and glaring at Severus before turning back to ignore them.

The pair behind him continued their conversation much more quietly then and Remus failed to hear any of it but it wasn’t too much longer before Alice came back and Lucius left. She could sense his anger but didn’t ask him about, choosing instead to ask about what he did for a living. 

So there he stood, his arms tightly crossed over his chest, glaring daggers into the back of Lucius Malfoy’s head, waiting for the hosts and the judges to arrive, signaling the start of their first technical challenge. 

“Psst, Remus,”.said a voice behind him and he really thought about ignoring the guy just because he was in a foul mood. But he relented anyway because he had a feeling that Sirius wouldn’t stop calling out to him until he answered. He turned. 

“What?”

“Wanna grab a pint with me and James after we wrap up for the day?” he asked with a brilliant smile and expectant eyes. His heart melted a bit at the sight and he smiled softly. It took him a minute to register what the guy had asked him and then he felt his cheeks flush. He was asking him to hang out after? Him? Remus Lupin?

“James?” Remus asked without thinking or hesitating and Sirius pointed his thumb over to the guy at the station across the way. The man called James smiled a brilliant smile and waved enthusiastically. Remus snorted. 

“Sure,” he answered with an easy smile before turning back forward to hide his burning cheeks. He managed to catch a glimpse of Sirius’s own burning cheeks though and the thought made him warm inside. 

~

The technical was a disaster. At least it was for Sirius. He couldn’t be sure about anyone else but he was sure he fucked up his bake beyond repair. All his good graces from the signature challenge would go out the window because he would surely be crowned twelfth place and he would have to claw his way through the ashes during the showstopper just to stay in the competition past the first week. He was embarrassed and he was annoyed with himself for cracking under pressure. Surely he could’ve handled twelve miniature tres leches cakes, right? But no, not at all apparently! His whipped cream was running, his sponges well weak and didn’t hold well after being doused in milk and to top it off, he cut his finger when slicing the strawberries! No one was having a worse time than him, surely.

Except for maybe Marlene McKinnon who was almost in tears at how everything was turning out. How could it be that only an hour ago they were making perfect whipped cream and now it just wouldn’t stiffen? They were on their third attempt and there was only five minutes left in the challenge so if it didn’t work then, they would be serving naked, milky sponges and they absolutely loathed the sound of that. They beat their whipping cream and sugar harder. 

Remus Lupin felt oddly calm during the technical. His sponge came out well or so it appeared and he had no way of testing it, his milk concoction was mixed well and his whipped cream wasn’t grainy. All was well at station Remus and he was quite proud of himself although he doesn’t have the self-confidence to believe he’d place even in the top three. But he was still proud of himself. 

“Alright bakers, that’s the end of your first technical, if you could, please bring your tres leches up to the Gingham altar and place them behind your visage!” Sluggy proclaimed and everyone seemed to take a collective breath as they stepped back for the first time since starting. Thankfully, Remus had just finished setting his last strawberry atop his cakes and couldn’t help but be pleased as he brought up his platter to the front. He was seventh in the judging so he’d have to wait for Albus and Minerva to get to his bake but he didn’t seem to mind actually was a nice change of events from this morning. He began to fear that his lack of anxiety would be his downfall though and that he’d be taken by surprise and his tres leches would actually be terrible and his sponge would be cracked and dry. 

He sat in an odd mixture of fear and calm. But he was sat next to Sirius so that was nice. Sirius looked upset and Remus searched for his photo which was second from the start and frowned. They certainly weren’t the prettiest but they didn’t look awful and as long as they tasted good, he would be fine. 

“It’ll be alright, mate,” Remus whispered, trying to sound encouraging and Sirius just shrugged. Remus risked it. He took Sirius’s hand and held it. Yes, he was attracted to the man but also they were in this together. As much as Bake Off was a competition, they were still fighting the same battles and Remus would hate to see Sirius feel alone during this. Luckily, Sirius held on. 

“Right,” Minerva said, catching their attention and looking over the bakes with scrutiny. “Let’s see how they did, shall we?” she asked, gesturing to the first bake which was behind the photo of a man Remus had never talked to. 

They seemed to enjoy it enough but remarked that the cakes weren’t milky enough and Remus had to stop from blanching at the term used. Milky. Ew. Gross. But they moved onto Sirius’s and the man held Remus’s hand tighter. 

“These look a little… disordered,” Albus said serenely. “But hopefully the flavor is good,” he continued as he and Minerva put a piece in their mouths and immediately hummed in delight. 

“Quite delicious,” Minerva remarked and Albus nodded in agreement as they moved onto the next bake which was Severus fucking Snape’s. 

They didn’t like it. Good. 

Next was the red-headed woman across from Remus and they really seemed to like it, stating it almost near perfection. Next came a brown-haired woman that Sirius’s hand tensed at when they got to it, causing Remus to frown. He hadn’t seen the man interact with that woman at all. Interesting. 

After the brown-haired woman (Remus should really learn all their names), they moved onto the black woman who was stationed in front of Remus and they also really enjoyed hers, and then it was Remus. He gripped Sirius’s hand a bit tighter. 

“They all look very neat which is good, let’s just hope they taste as good,” Minerva remarked as she put a bite in her mouth, Albus following suit. They hummed in approval. 

“Quite delicious,” Albus remarked. “This one is going to be hard to judge I can see,” he continued and Remus had to school his face from beaming. But Sirius gripped his hand tighter which made Remus squeeze back. 

James was after Remus and he did well but he had thirteen inside of twelve. (Sirius thought James would say something like ‘Well I should get extra points, right? It could’ve been eleven instead of thirteen.’ Sirius would have replied, ‘I think you’re just shit at maths, mate.’) A tanned girl with chestnut brown hair was after James and like Sirius, they looked very messy but the flavor was good. 

“The cream is a bit too runny for my taste,” Albus commented and Remus sighed. This is not easy for anyone and it was only going to get harder. Minerva and Albus were picky. 

They moved onto Lucius’s which weren’t even topped with whipped cream which made Remus smirk, and then they headed onto Alice who’s were satisfactory it seemed. And they ended with another guy who appeared slightly mousy and even his picture on the altar conveyed a strong sense of panic. He did what Remus would describe as a ‘meh’ job. 

And then the judging. Remus kept waiting for his name and he held onto Sirius’s hand tightly and he couldn’t tell who was sweating more. Unsurprisingly, Lucius was last, then Severus, the mousy-looking boy, named Peter, was tenth, followed by the person with the chestnut brown hair, named Marlene, was ninth, followed by the first guy, Frank, then Alice, the woman that made Sirius tense up was named Andromeda and she was sixth. Sirius tensed up again and stayed that way when he was announced to be fifth. 

“Sirius, overall a good set of bakes, just a bit of a mess,” Albus noted and Sirius smiled with a nod. 

James was fourth and then came the top three which hadn't registered yet that Remus was in. But he quickly realized as Sirius squeezed his hand tightly and Remus held his breath. 

“In third, is this one,” Minerva said, gesturing to the bake with the photo of the redhead who’s station was across from Remus’s. “Lily, a really good bake the sponge could be just a bit wetter.”

“These two were really hard to decide between, it was a really a toss up but in second is this one,” Albus stated and Remus raised his hand. Second in the technical! What the fuck! Is this the same Remus he woke up as this morning?

“So that means Dorcas, you are first,” Minerva smiled at the woman’s who station was in front of Remus and Lily leant forward to congratulate her and so did the guy named Frank. She was shocked. 

Remus, Dorcas, Snape, and Lucius all got called for testimonials and again, Sirius was bitter. They had a few more things to film just to wrap up the day but either way, he was going to get a pint with Remus and James. But gods, what a day! He had a pretty good signature and he did well in the technical! And he made friends with the hot guy who sat in front of him! Maybe Bake Off is exactly what Sirius needed to turn his life around and to start actually living happily and not in his family’s shadow. It’s only been two days and he already feels like a different person and as long as he doesn’t muck everything up with the showstopper, he feels pretty confident he’ll make it to the next week. 

He was packing up his things and also taking out some things he would be using for biscuit week next week just as preparation when Remus finally came back over. “Hey, mate! You did bloody amazing!” Sirius said happily and Remus beamed at him. 

“Thanks, Sirius! You did really well, too!” he answered and Sirius grinned. 

“Oi, Remus! Remus Lupin!” shouted a voice from across the tent. It was the redhead Lily that James was absolutely smitten with already. 

“What?” he asked, his face neutral as she stomped over to him, an unreadable expression clouding her face. 

“You and Dorcas, are you two some kind of wizards or something?” she asked, sniffing afterward and Remus grinned at her. 

“What, jealous?” he asked, poking a bit of fun but the reddening of his cheeks was absolutely noticeable and Sirius smiled carefully to himself as he watched the exchange. 

“Jealous? Me? Absolutely not,” she scoffed. But she smiled after. “Congratulations, you and her seem really fantastic at baking.”

“Hey, you do too,” he answered softly and she smiled at him. 

“Yeah well, I was only complimenting you to make you more comfortable so you’d let your guard down,” she shrugged and Sirius watched Remus roll his eyes. 

The two of them almost seemed like him and James in the sense that they immediately hit it off. There was no bite behind their words or actions, they were just banting with each other. Sirius felt a green ugly monster want to rear its head in the back of his mind but he quickly shut the door on it. He did not know Remus and he certainly did not know if he was even into blokes. Sure they held hands during the judging of the technical but it was just a high stakes situation. It didn’t mean anything. 

“You’re Welsh, aren’t you?” she asked him and Sirius saw the honey-haired man nod out of the corner of his eye. “Could tell from the accent, eh. Well, I’m from Cokeworth, you know in the midlands. I reckon the train comes by both our stops so if you want a friendly face to sit by tomorrow, just shoot me a text. And maybe we could grab a quick cuppa in town before shooting in the morning,” she offered and Remus seemed to light up at the suggestion. It left a warm feeling spreading in his chest. 

“That’d be nice! Here, let me give you my number,” Remus answered and both of them pulled out their phones, exchanging numbers and laughed. 

“I’m gonna name you Wolf McWolf in my phone,” Lily snorted and Remus playfully glared at her. 

“Uncalled for, ginger,” Remus shot back. “Just for that, you will be Little Red to me,” he grinned deviously and she scoffed back at him. 

“Hey, there chums!” James’s booming voice interrupted and Sirius was grateful. He was growing tired of watching the two of them flirt or whatever. Yes, he was bitter. Yes, he was a petulant child sometimes. It came with the territory, he was used to getting what he wanted and he wanted Remus. Gods, he’s a mess. 

“Ugh, you,” Lily sneered but there was no real malice behind it, Sirius noted. “What is it that you want?” 

“The lads and I were going to grab a pint when we wrapped up here. I suppose you wouldn’t want to join us, Evans?” James inquired, his eyes shining brightly and when she snorted, his face fell a bit. 

“Not tonight, we have the showstopper tomorrow. It’s rather immature of you to get a drink after today, you couldn’t wait till tomorrow?” she pointed out and James shrugged. 

“We could also go tomorrow if you wanted to join then,” the brown-skinned boy offered eagerly and Lily tried to stop the smile from growing on her face. 

“Well, we’ll see four eyes. If the three of you make it through tomorrow, then I will think about grabbing a drink with you lot,” she snorted and James was back to full-on grinning. 

“Oh I think she’s challenging us, mate,” Sirius finally remarked, glancing over at his new friend who nodded solemnly. 

“It would appear so, perhaps tonight we should practice one more time at my place,” James offered and Sirius couldn’t tell if he was serious or joking. 

“Alright, everyone! That’s a wrap! See you all bright and early tomorrow! 8 am sharp!” Sluggy called and all of the contestants broke apart and finished getting everything ready for tomorrow. And then he headed out with his new best friend and his new crush. Bake Off was getting interesting.

~

Remus woke up the next morning with a fond smile already on his lips despite the ungodly hour of the morning he was awake at. The night before had been really fun for him and they hadn’t gotten drunk at all really, just enough to feel a slight buzz but with the promise that no matter what happened today, they would go out again after the showstopper and get properly smashed. Remus was looking forward to it. 

He changed quickly and headed downstairs, kissing his mum on the cheek as he entered the kitchen. “Toast for my boy,” she said sweetly and Remus gave her a quick smile before stuffing a piece in his mouth. 

“Nervous, fab?” (Nervous, son?) his dad asked from his usual seat at the table, the morning paper open in front of him. 

“Ddim mewn gwirionedd, yn ddideimlad yn bennaf,” (Not really, mostly just numb.) Remus answered easily, being completely truthful. His nerves felt fried from yesterday and he knew he practiced as much as possible the weeks following up to the competition. He wouldn’t say he was ready and he also wouldn’t say it would turn out well or he was super confident. But he’d made as much peace as he possibly could with the weekend. Whatever happened would happen and he wouldn’t be able to change. (That’s not to say he wouldn’t be a mess during the actual competition, he figured it was kind of calm before the storm.)

He finished off his toast, grabbed his bag and rushed to the door so he could hurry to the train station. He couldn’t afford to be late. 

“Let us know if you’ll be home late,” his mom called and he called back an acknowledgment. 

“Hey Little Red, hopping on the train right now, second cart from the front,” Remus sent the message as the train pulled up to the station. He had only arrived a mere 30 seconds before. 

Lily texted back immediately. “Sounds good, Wolfie. See u in a few.” Remus smiled and settled into a seat, taking out his headphones and shuffling his guilty pleasure playlist that’s filled with Britney Spears and Lady Gaga. 

Lily joined him at the Cokeworth station and he quickly hid away his phone with the incriminating playlist and struck up a conversation. “So, you’re from Wales,” Lily stated and Remus raised an eyebrow. 

“So I am,” Remus agreed.

“Speak Welsh?” she asked, light in her eyes and Remus snorted. 

“Siarad Saesneg?” (Speak English?) he shot back and Lily grinned. 

“Wicked,” she gasped. “What’s it like? Wales, I mean. I’ve never been despite it being just across the way,” she asked and Remus shrugged. 

“Green, small, Welsh. I live just outside of Cardiff and the city’s rather nice. If I’m being honest I do love it, I just wish I could get out for a little,” he sighed. 

“Like, uni or something? I mean I get it though, Cokeworth is small and everyone knows everyone. It’d be nice to get away but I can’t exactly afford uni,” Lily revealed and Remus looked at her for a second before nodding. 

“Me too,” he answered. “I’ve always wanted to go, I love learning, I love studying, I love reading but, uh, we can’t afford it either,” he finished with a mumble and Lily gave him a piercing look. He felt uncomfortable. He knew his scars were noticeable and he knew people would always have questions but it wasn’t their business. 

“I say go for it. We both should, money be damned,” Lily retorted finally and Remus raised an eyebrow. “You’re what? 21? I am too, it’s not too late, it’s never to late,” she continued and Remus smiled. 

“How’d you guess my age?” he asked and she snorted. 

“Didn’t you know? I’m a Seer,” she joked and Remus laughed. “By the way, did you know that Severus lives just over the tracks from me in Spinner’s End?” she added on and Remus tried not to let his mood turn sour. He didn’t want to talk about that dickhead.

“Oh how interesting,” he mused carefully and Lily’s face turned hard. 

“The guy is a prick. We used to be friends, you know. When we tykes, inseparable and all that. But he changed and I tried hard to forgive him and help him but he’s just a slimy git,” she huffed and Remus glanced over at her. 

“I’m sorry,” he said sincerely and she shrugged. 

“Past is past, it’s just crazy to see him here after a couple of years of not seeing him and knowing he’s still the same twat he’s always been,” she sneered and Remus nodded.

“I had… a… friend like that,” Remus bit out, trying to keep himself under control as he thought about Fenrir fucking Greyback. 

“I’m sorry, too then,” Lily said softly and Remus smiled at her. 

“Eh, you know, past is past. A guy tries to rape, permanently disables you as a result, and then you beat the shit out of him. Casual, right?” he offered with a flimsy smile and Lily laughed. He was glad she did. 

“You’re a right riot, mate,” she said. “At least you got him back and gave him what’s coming. Fuck that guy,” she continued and Remus scrunched his nose. 

“Yeah well, now we’re on fucking Bake Off and Snape may be here too but there’s no way he’s winning. Not with you on the show too,” he offered and Lily rolled her eyes. 

“Yeah I think you’re more of the threat to be completely honest,” she answered and Remus smiled a toothy grin. 

“We’ll both give him a run of it,” he compromised and she smiled back at him. 

“Deal.” 

Remus was sure he and Lily would take the train to the tent together every morning they could. He was sure he’d just found a friend forever considering they’d just had a heart-to-heart at 7 in the morning on the way to a baking competition. Plus she shared part of her chocolate scone with him and he’d always been a sucker for chocolate.

~

Marlene got to the Bake Off grounds earlier than most, the only other person there was Frank Longbottom and they had a very brief but friendly exchange of hellos. Marlene just wanted to get there early to clear their head a bit and focus on the task at hand. They’d practiced their cake sculpture for weeks and they knew exactly what they needed to do in order for it to succeed. As long as there weren’t any major catastrophes, they’d be fine. 

They were sat on a tree stomp only a small distance away from the tent when Dorcas Meadowed showed up out of nowhere and plopped down right next to them. “Morning,” Dorcas drawled out with too much pep in her step for 7:41 in the morning. 

“Hullo,” Marlene answered with a very small smile. “Lovely day innit?” they asked and Dorcas scrunched her nose. 

“Yeah, it is. But it got even better with you in it,” she answered and Marlene immediately blushed. Was this flirting or was she like this with everyone. 

“I could say the same for you,” they answered cheekily. “But maybe if you brought me a coffee next time, it would be even better.”

Dorcas smiled. “Oh so, I’m not enough? Need coffee too? Alright, fine. How’d you take it? Black? Cream? Sugar?”

“Black,” Marlene answered back with a playful grin. “One sugar.”

“Oh that sounds gods awful,” Dorcas gagged and Marlene giggled. 

“Hey, to each their own,” they snarked and Dorcas rolled her eyes. 

“You nervous for today?” she asked and Marlene shrugged. 

“Yeah, I mean I think it’d be weird if I weren’t,” they replied and Dorcas nodded.

“Me too, but also. Not really? I don’t know I guess I just feel confident,” she continued on and they nodded along. 

“Yeah, I think that’s a good way to describe it,” Marlene concluded, smiling at Dorcas who smiled back. 

“Wanna get a drink after today?” Dorcas asked and Marlene snorted but nodded at the same time. 

“Yeah, I really do,” they answered. “If you’re interested I packed a joint in my bag, we could share if you want,” they continued and Dorcas lit up at the suggestion. 

“Sneaky little thing, aren’t you?” she laughed before saying, “Yeah, that’d be nice. Need something to take the edge off with this competition.”

“Precisely my thoughts,” Marlene smiled and Dorcas smiled right back. Gods, they wanted to kiss her so badly but it’s been less than two days of knowing each other and that was way too forward. But still, the want was there.

~

James and Sirius showed up to the tent together as Sirius really did spend the night at James’s place. James was oddly kind and perceptive to Sirius’s weird moods when his home life was brought up and he had made a genuine offer for him to stay the night. 

“That is if you don’t mind the lunacy of Godric’s Hollow,” James had snorted and Sirius grinned.

“No, I very much welcome lunacy,” he had replied and that was that. Sirius met Fleamont and Euphemia Potter and spent the night in the bedroom next to James. They hadn’t practiced the showstopper challenge like James had suggested earlier in the day but even if they wanted to, they would’ve been able to, considering the size of the Potter’s kitchen. It would send Wahlburga Black on a fucking rampage.  

They took their stations easily and Sirius admired Remus from behind as the guy took a spot at the station in front of him, just like the day before. “Still on for tonight?” Sirius asked quickly and Remus turned around to smile and nod. 

Sirius took a glance over to find James trying to chat up Lily again and he held back an eye roll. The guy was an absolute disaster but he seemed to thrive on being that way which made Sirius appreciate him even more. He, too, was an absolute disaster. 

They settled in quickly after that and the cameras started rolling as Minerva, Albus, Sluggy, and Hagrid all walked in. 

“Welcome to your very first showstopper!” Sluggy called out and Sirius leaned forward on his station, tucking a strand of hair behind his ear that fell loose from his bun. “Albus and Minerva would very much like you to make a sculpture of your favorite world monument out of cake. It can be the Eiffel Tower, the Statue of Liberty, the Great Wall of China, anything you want but it must be made entirely out of cake and your landmark must be decorated to the highest degree,” he explained and everyone stared at him.

“Yeh have three and a half hours! So on yer marks!” Hagrid boomed. 

“Get set!” Sluggy chimed.

“Bake!” the two hosts called together and Sirius rushed to start his bake. 

Sirius ran through the process of making his batters very quickly, double-checking that his oven was preheating. He was briefly aware at some point that the judges were making their rounds and they were standing in front of Remus who was explaining his sculpture. He caught words like ‘Northern Wales’ and ‘Devil’s Bridge Fall’ but he was too focused on pouring his batter evenly to be able to entirely hear the explanation. 

Just as he was ensuring the pans of batter were even and ready to go in the oven, he was interrupted. “Sirius! How are you today?” Sluggy asked cheerfully and the man smiled at the two judges and the host. 

“Hello Minerva, Albus, Sluggy. I’m well today, a bit nervous, but okay,” he answered and they smiled back at him. He bent down to put his sponge batter into the oven. He needed them in as soon as possible. 

“What are you preparing for the judges today? Where are you taking us?” Sluggy asked and Sirius held back an eye roll.

“Calais, France. I’ll be sculpting the Calais Lighttower out of raspberry and vanilla elderflower sponge with chocolate buttercream holding it together and fresh-made fondant covering the outside,” he explained and they nodded, obviously wanting more about why he chose the Lighttower. “My family, they have strong roots in France and I used to go there at least twice a year with them. I always loved Calais and the Lighttower is so beautiful, I hope I pay it homage well,” he continued and they seemed satisfied.

“That sounds lovely and you seem to have a lot to do so we’ll let you be,” Albus conferred and Sirius nodded his thanks before running to start his buttercream icing. 

Before he knew it, there were five minutes left and Sirius was honestly not very pressed for time. He’d had some banter with the bloke behind him, Peter, as well as Remus which kept the mood light and calm (despite Peter’s obvious nerves and lack of time management; he seemed to be a good artist though). He didn’t have any trouble constructing the tower thankfully and the hardest part of covering it in fondant went better than it did when he’d practiced. All that was left was to imprint the brickwork of the tower with a toothpick and paint on some cracks with black dyed buttercream. 

“Bakers, your time is up! Please step away from your bakes!” Sluggy called from the front and Sirius took a deep breath, taking in his full creation and feeling rather proud of it. It looked like a Lighttower and it was standing upright. He just hoped it tastes good. Sirius looked past his own bake and saw Remus’s and was astonished. It was amazing, it looked like he’d painted all the colors of the waterfall and greenery onto the buttercream. And there was a bridge made out of chocolate work that was spectacular. Unless it tasted like horse shit, Sirius was positive that Remus would be Star Baker. The guy was bloody brilliant. 

“That looks amazing, Rem,” Sirius gushed and he saw him blush while muttering a quiet thank you as they settled in for the judging to start. 

They started with Marlene and went up her row. Sirius watched as Andromeda displayed a beautiful Eiffel Tower and tried not to seethe as she got glowing reviews. He liked Andromeda, she was always his favorite cousin but she was still part of his family and he did not do well with family. Thankfully, neither of them had tried to make contact with each other and that’s how he really preferred it. 

James had a beautiful Taj Mahal but apparently, his flavors were a little lacking and Severus’s looked pretty terrible but apparently tasted great. It was a shoddy Big Ben and Sirius thought him to be a prick. He’d never had a conversation with the guy but he just seemed like a fucking douchenozzle. 

They went down Sirius’s row and that bloke Lucius who’d been mucking everything up had a lackluster showstopper and Sirius couldn’t even make out a church building let alone the Norte Dame, Alice’s was average it seemed to be, Dorcas’ received rave reviews and Remus’s received glowing remarks about design (as it should’ve). They liked the taste of it and Remus was absolutely blushing on his walk back. It was a great look on him. 

“Sirius, would you please bring up your monument,” Sluggy encouraged and he stood for his moment of truth. Honestly, if anyone besides Lucius was booted this weekend, Sirius would be shocked but needless to say, he didn’t feel too particularly nervous about judging. He didn’t know if that was good or bad.

“Well it certainly looks fantastic,” Albus remarked. “Very tall.”

“Yes, the fondant looks well made and it’s homemade?” Minerva asked and Sirius nodded. 

“Yes, it is.”

They sliced through it and the whole thing remained standing, thankfully. They inspected his sponge thoroughly. 

“Both looked to be well baked and the buttercream is nice and smooth,” Minerva inspected. The raspberry sponge is a brilliant pink and the vanilla elderflower sponge looks quite airy. Let’s just hope we actually get the elderflower flavor along with the vanilla,” she continued and Sirius watched as they put a piece in their mouths. 

Albus hummed. “That raspberry is quite lovely with the chocolate buttercream, sharpness and sweetness both come through really well,” he said simply. 

“Yes, I quite agree and it’s a beautiful texture, a wonderful bake on this one. Now for elderflower and vanilla,” Minvera remarked, taking a bite onto her fork, Albus following her lead. 

After a second she sighed, “Pity. The elderflower doesn’t come through at all really and the vanilla flavor is very overpowering.” Sirius nodded. 

“It’s a bit dry too,” Albus added and he nodded again. 

“Thank you,” he murmured, waking forward to receive his bake and head back to his station. 

Peter was last and he did fine but not good and that was that. They had a quick break while the judges deliberated, all of them gave small testimonials and then they convened back in the tent for the final judging of the week. All of this was a whirlwind for Sirius, he was dead on his feet but he was still ready to go out for the night with Remus and James.

“This week, I have the pleasure of announcing Star Baker. This baker seems to have an eye for chocolate and a hand for design. Remus, you are this week’s Star Baker,” Sluggy announced and Sirius leaned over the person named Marlene and patted his thigh, congratulating him as he sat there absolutely awestruck. Lily patted his head in congratulations and Sirius sat back in his seat. 

“Now I ‘ave the very, very, very sad job of telling yeh who’s leavin’ us this week. I tell yeh, I don’ wanna see any of yeh go and I barely even know yeh!” Hagrid exclaimed, almost crying it seemed like. “This week, the one who’ll be leavin’ us is…” Everyone held their breath but Sirius felt as though it was more for show rather than actual nerves. It could only be one person. “… Lucius.”

Lucius stood up and gave a curt nod and sneered a little but everyone still stood and gave hugs for the week as was tradition on the show. Albus and Minerva went around and congratulated everyone, gave advice to those who seemed to need it, praises to those who deserved it, all while Remus was bombarded with hugs and Lucius was not approached at all very much.

~

It took too long for the camera crew to call cut on the day in Remus’s opinion but he did cry when he called his mom to tell her he got Star Baker. He honestly couldn’t believe it, he really thought Dorcas deserved it more than him and told her so. She told him to shut up and be more confident in his abilities. 

But now, he was heading into the nearby town with James and Sirius to grab a quick drink and maybe get drunk. He was going to get drunk. For sure. Especially with Sirius and James, they seemed to be the types to get absolutely hammered when possible. Lily had in fact tagged along like she said she would and she brought Marlene, Dorcas, and Alice with her. 

Remus got progressively more drunk and closer to Sirius throughout the night. Alice left rather early, Marlene and Dorcas spent the entire time talking with each other and Remus almost asked why they hadn’t started making out yet. (Honestly, he might’ve said it later in the night but he was a bit too drunk to fully remember.) James and Lily were talking almost the entire time and she had a hard time pretending to be annoyed by him, even when he really was annoying. 

Sirius and Remus spent the entire night talking and he’s pretty sure Sirius told him his whole life story and Remus was also sure he told Sirius his but he was even more sure neither of them would remember in the morning.

Near the end of the night, Remus sent his mum a text that he wasn’t coming home because he was staying the night at one of the other contestant’s houses with a few other people. Lily made sure Marlene and Dorcas got home safe, promising that all three of them would text in the giant group chat they started at the bar. And then he settled in bed with Sirius and James, all three of them muttering drunken nonsense. 

“Guys, I have work tomorrow,” Remus murmured, his cheek pressed against Sirius’s arm. 

“You can’t go Moony, you’re Star Baker,” Sirius slurred and Remus laughed a very drunk laugh that was all deep and stomach-ish. 

“Moony?” he asked.

“Awhooo! Wolf Wolf,” Sirius murmured back. “Moony.”

“Doggy,” James drawled and Sirius pushed him a bit. “Sirius star, Canis Major,” he explained weakly. 

“Not Doggy,” Sirius huffed. 

“Toebeans,” Remus said flatly. James snorted loudly. 

“Absolutely not,” Sirius growled. 

“Padfoot,” James stated easily and Sirius huffed as Remus cheered. 

“Padfoot!”

“Wha bout me?” James slurred. 

“‘Ou got big ears and you get tha-.. tha-.. you know…. ahh-face like that… thing,” Sirius said in an extremely unhelpful manner. 

“Oh, I know like the uh… animal.. that..” Remus added trailing off and James let out a noise of impatience.

“What?” he whined, drawing it out as his new friends were being extremely unhelpful. “Moony, Padfoot,” he cried and both other men laughed but Sirius hiccuped loudly causing Remus and James to laugh again. 

“Hm, Prongs,” Sirius said, snuffling further into the pillow of James’s bed, perfectly content between his two friends. 

“Hm yeah,” Remus agreed. “I have work tomorrow,” he said again and James reached over and pushed on his arm. 

“Shu up, Star Baker,” he grumbled. “Tell them no. We have bacon here and you live in fucking Welsh,” James murmured, pressing his face into his pillow. 

“Wales,” Remus corrected. “Bachgen ceirw mud,” (Dumb deer boy.) he muttered. James said something absolutely unintelligible 

“Hmm quiet, sleepy time,” Sirius yawned and neither of the other two boys said anything as they both thoroughly agreed. It was indeed time for bed. 

And Remus did not end up going to work the next day, instead, he spent the day extremely hungover with his two newest and best friends: Padfoot and Prongs. He loved Bake Off before, but now he absolutely adored it. 

[winterknight1087]

Flower from the Fae (ch 1)

Chapter Title: Mushrooms Were Not the Plant I Was Looking For

Summary: Virgil likes plants, but when he goes to investigate a plant his friend Remy tells him about, he doesn’t exactly check out the plant. Little does he know that the handsome man he meets there is a fairy who is about to challenge the world Virgil knows.

Word Count: 1647

Chapter Warnings: cursing, poisonous mushrooms (no harm from though), death mention, anxiety attack, sympathetic deceit

Pairings: Eventual Romantic LAMP; Analogical

AO3 Link     My Writing

A/N: Yeah, I’m not sure how this one happened, but writing this story has been fun. I have a couple other chapters in need of editing, so if you like this bit, be prepared for Virgil and Pat’s interaction. 

Bzzt.

[Trenta4Sandman]: So? New trend or stale coffee? [sent at 1642]

Virgil rolled his eyes at the message before responding.

[Anx’sWitch]: you literally told me less than five min ago. I can’t just Apparate like you when you run out of coffee. [sent at 1643]

[Trenta4Sandman]: bitch u aint tryin hard enough then [sent at 1643]

[Anx’sWitch]: y don’t u go flirt w/ ur SO? [sent at 1644]

[HissHissMFs]: plz. I can’t concentrate on my work with u blowing my phone up. [sent at 1645]

The purple-haired man sighed as he pocketed his phone. There were more vibrations, telling him that the conversation was far from over, but he knew it wasn’t anything important. Remy and Dee could go back and forth for hours about nothing. Virgil could always check his phone later and see which he needed to visit later. Right now, he really only cared about finding the plant Remy told him about and seeing if it were something worth his time.

Of course, the hill Remy told him the plant was located on was almost three miles from the center of town. How he even stumbled upon it was beyond Virgil, not that he would bother questioning it either. What Virgil did know was that of his friend group, Remy had the best eye for finding him new and often times endangered plants. So, he struggled out of his house and on this disgusting walk to see whatever plant it was that Remy had seen.

The top of the hill had a giant sequoia tree, tall grass, and mushrooms. Virgil set his bag down under the tree before beginning to look over the plants, reveling in the silence. First, he looked at the mushrooms, duly noting that they appeared to be a poisonous species. Next, he started looking intently at the grass.

“How peculiar. Rare to find someone so intent on staring at grass.” A voice commented.

Terror ran through Virgil, but he pushed it deep down as he turned to look. Oh, great. There goes his poor little gay heart, he supposed. The voice belonged to some other-worldly man. He had well-kept black hair so dark it almost shone a dark blue. The eyes behind rectangular glasses were a brilliant blue that put even Virgil’s prized Black and Blue Sage plants to shame.

Remy is going to lose his shit when he finds out I died because I was too gay. Virgil thought dully.

“I apologize. I appear to have startled you.” The man commented.

“I…uhh…it’s… umm… well…”

The man raised an eyebrow to the gay mess. “Very eloquently put.”

“I… uhh… sorry… anxiety…” and you are too hot to be talking to me.

The man simply nodded. “I apologize again then. Do you require any assistance in lowering your adrenaline levels?”

What. “Ah, no, it’s alright… I’ll get over it.”

The man tilted his head looking over the scene of the poor man’s to-be death scene. “You appear to be searching for something. Might I inquire what you are searching for? I may be of some help in locating it.”

He really is trying to kill me; hot and nice? “Well… uh… a friend told me he… well, you’ll think it’s weird. I mean most people think I’m weird in general so that isn’t saying anything. It’s just not what most people would expect someone like me to be doing with their life, you know? Most people just don’t understand that it works and I enjoy it you know? But I can’t really blame them for thinking it’s weird.”

The man watched as Virgil began to spiral before kneeling and telling him to follow his breathing. He had never had to deal with what the other was undergoing, but he did enjoy research and anxiety was such a common thing among the human population that it was just a useful thing to understand. For that, he was glad as he helped the man control his breathing.

“Now, let’s try this again, without the down-spiral.” He commented to the purple-haired man. “Would you like me to help you find whatever it is you are looking for? If so, what would it be?”

“Well, my friend told me that there was a rare plant up here. Something with purple flowers.” Virgil answered awkwardly. “I’m a botanist who studies plants and from his description of it, it sounds to be an endangered plant.”

The man pursed his lips, thinking. Of course, he knew exactly which plant the human was speaking about, it was only a few feet from his hand. Yet, did he trust this random human not to harm one of the few of its species? Humans usually aren’t interested in plants just for the plants. Yet, this one did not appear to be lying to him. He’d heard of these botanists before, but this was his first meeting with one.

“Pardon this question, as I am not fully aware of what botanists do. What do you plan to do with it, if it is what you think it to be?”

“Oh… umm… well, first I tend to study new plants in their native environment. If it is the one I believe it to be, I would begin a process with the government to bring the specimen back to my greenhouse for conservation efforts where I can control threats, maintain a healthy environment, and breed it with other specimens. Botanists study plants and most attempt to promote their health.”

“So if you find this plant, it’ll be safe?”

“Great, you’re hot, kind, and care for plants,” Virgil muttered, to which the other man decided to pretend he did not hear, though he couldn’t stop the tint to his cheeks. “Yes, I do my best to ensure the safety and survival.”

The man still looked uncertain, and Virgil realized just how much this man seemed to care about the plant they were discussing. He thought before moving over to his bag to pull out his gloves. The man watched, now curious as to what the human was doing as Virgil moved towards a small bunch of mushrooms.

“Here, I can show you what it is I do,” Virgil said, with a fake confidence that he only had in his knowledge.

The other considered this before moving over. He glanced at the mushrooms, knowing exactly what type they were before looking at the human. Virgil nodded as he carefully maneuvered the fungi, double-checking what he had observed earlier.

“There are roughly four kinds of fungi here. These two are an invasive species that appear to be losing the battle for water, so they are less interesting for this partial study. My assumption is that a bird or another animal accidentally transported these here from their normal habitats. They are not remotely endangered, so I am content to let nature do what it will with them. These salmon pink ones are called marasius oreades or the Scotch bonnet. They are relatively safe and edible. These are traditionally arranged in a large circle and are the most commonly associated mushroom with the fairy circle folklore. On the other hand, these ones here are clitocybe rivulosa, or fool’s funnel, which are poisonous due to having deadly levels of muscarine.”

The other man sat there listening as Virgil went on one of his normal plant tangents, finding it easy to do so with the curious but intent look in the other’s eyes. Oh yes, Remy is going to lose it when he finds out later. Virgil found himself talking about the various mushrooms, one plant he really hasn’t been interested in before, while the man beside him began to ask different questions.

Neither was aware of the sun slowly setting until it became a bit too dark. If there’d been more light, the other would have noticed the blush on each cheek, but they pretended not to feel the flames on their faces.

“I apologize for taking so much of your time. I had intended to show you the plant I believe you to be looking for, but I became enthralled in your knowledge.” The man commented.

Stop being a useless gay mess, Virgil! “No, no. I should be the one apologizing. You probably weren’t looking for a long lecture on plants, much less on mushrooms of all things.”

“While I admit that it was not what I had intended on doing today, it was pleasurable listening to your knowledge.” The man paused before deciding on something. “I can tell you that if you come back before sunrise, you will be able to find the plant easily. One of my partners will probably be here as well if you would like to meet him. I am sure he will be thrilled to meet you… uh?”

“Oh… sorry. You can just call me Anx, he/him pronouns. Everyone does.” Virgil answered.

There is no way this human already knows who he was dealing with… was there? “Well, people refer to me as Logic, though my partners call me Lo.”

“Do you have a preference?”

The man looked over the purple-haired man. “You can call me Lo if you wish.”

“And do you have pronoun preferences? I forgot to ask earlier.”

“I am not particular. He/him work well enough.”

“Well, Lo. It was a pleasure to meet you.” Virgil said, with a small smile.

“Pleasure to meet your acquaintance as well, Anx.”

Virgil went to pick up his bag and turned back to ask if Lo wanted to walk back to town with him. Yet, the man was gone, without a sound to announce his departure. That took Virgil aback, but he did basically say goodbye, so maybe the other took it as his queue to leave. Oh well. Virgil pulled out his phone and saw that he had over two hundred messages, meaning Remy and Dee had really gotten into their fight.

Next Chapter

[kathyprior4200]

HAZBINUVA BOSS

A meeting was in progress at the Hazbin Hotel. Five demons were seated around a large wooden rectangular table near where the bar was.  The window and door that Sir Pentious’ machine had blown up were now repaired thanks to Alastor. (The door now had an elaborate skull with antlers hanging above the door frame.) The group sat in high-backed leather chairs with spikes on the rims. A pentagram was in the center of the table, drawn in white. Charlie, the blonde haired princess was standing up and writing words down on a whiteboard. Vaggie sat in a chair close by, glaring at everyone else with her gray hands clasped together on the table. Angel had his long legs propped up on the table off to the right. Alastor sat in-between Husk and Niffty. Husk moved further away from them and then stopped when Angel inched closer with his chair. In front of everyone were bowls of fresh Jambalaya, almost finished.

 “Thank you so much for making your meal for us,” Charlie said with a smile, turning from the board.

 “Anytime, dear!” Alastor replied. “I had used up a lot of my magic and I figured all of us would be hungry. Figured it’d be a great way to celebrate the start of your Haz…Happy Hotel!”

 “Wow Al!” Angel exclaimed. “That was some delicious grub!”

Everyone nodded and hummed in agreement. Even Vaggie had to admit it was delicious.

 “Thank you,” Alastor said with a smile. “It’s my mother’s special recipe…I even put in gunpowder for an explosive effect!” He laughed. “That was what almost killed her. She had too much Southern Comfort and decided to pour gunpowder while the jambalaya was in the pan…it blew up in her face! I tried it and the kick was straight outta Hell!”

 “Oh my,” Niffty said with a brief gasp. “You really should be more careful next time. It could leave a big mess.”

 “I try my hardest, dear,” he said to Niffty, which caused the small cyclops demon to blush.

 Alastor continued. “Did you know that hunters in Louisiana would often add game meat to their dishes? Deer, duck, and other animals they hunted. I did it all the time. Venison was my favorite…but human flesh gave it that extra flavor that was simply divine!”

 Vaggie, Angel, and Charlie made disgusted faces. “Can we please not bring that up?” Charlie asked, coming to sit down.

 “But I just did,” he replied nonchalantly.

 Vaggie stared hard at her bowl, eye twitching, fearful of finding any part that may have looked vaguely human. Niffty had licked her bowl clean…literally. Husk was busy drinking another bottle of booze.

 “What the flying, fuck, Alastor?!” Angel stated. “I love your looks and all, but try and tone down on the cannibalism.”

 Alastor leaned in slightly closer to Angel. “I read somewhere that some people on Earth consume insects in their diet. Including spiders.”

 Angel’s eyes widened in fear, but soon, his pink pupils dilated. “You would…try and eat me?” he asked with a grin, pink gloved hand moving just a hair toward his dick.

 Alastor deciphered what he was implying and replied with a haughty “No. Not in that way.”

 “Your loss,” Angel called as the Radio Demon moved away from the white feminine dressed spider.

 Vaggie narrowed her eyes a Husk. “Can we at least not drink during a meeting?”

 “Hasn’t started yet,” Husk replied, not even looking at her.

 Vaggie mentioned to the bar with her spear. “That bar shouldn’t even be here!”

 “I think it’s a necessary thing to have,” Angel replied. “Gotta have some liquor to enjoy between the pole dancing performances and stripping and…”

 “The hotel is not a strip club, Angel!” Vaggie pressed on.

 Alastor conjured a glass of Cornac in his hand with dark red magic and began to drink.

 Angel grinned widely, one of his top sharp teeth golden. “See? The strawberry pimp agrees, too!”

 A growl rumbled in Alastor’s throat as he glanced in Angel’s direction.

 “What the…” Husk gasped. “No fair!” He clenched his claws. “I’ve had it with your fucking games and showing off.” He looked like a cat ready to pounce.

 “What’d you plan to do, Husker? Fight me and lose your job?”

 The Radio Demon’s tone was laced with warning. A grumbling Husk got the message and sank back in his chair.

 “That’s what I thought.”

 Charlie banged her fist on the table, getting everyone’s attention. “Alright then! If you all are done with your meals…”

 Alastor snapped his fingers and the bowls vanished. Husk glanced at where his bowl was before. “I wasn’t done yet!”

 “…let’s get down to business with our first group meeting.”

 Charlie in her white tuxedo with a black bow tie, stood up and walked over to the white board. She held a wooden pointer in her hands.

 On the board, the words “Happy Hotel” were written in rainbow letters. Random drawings of unicorns, puppies, flowers, and smiling stick figures of demons decorated the board off to the side.

 “First and foremost, welcome to the Happy Hotel! I’m Charlie and I’m the founder of this place. How about we introduce ourselves?”

 “Babe, we ain’t kids ya know,” Angel remarked. “Besides, I already know the names of you guys.”

 “And frankly, I could care less,” Husk added.

 “I am Alastor, the Radio Demon! Pleasure to meet all of you!”

 “That radio voice of yours is getting on my nerves,” Vaggie muttered under her breath. “That wasn’t even necessary.”

 “What was that?” Alastor asked with a tilt of his head. “Speak up. Say it a bit louder for the people in the back.”

 Charlie looked at Vaggie who pointed to something on the board. The look in her eyes was telling Charlie to move on.

 “O-okay then,” Charlie said. “With the introductions over…ground rules!”

 Vaggie nodded and gave her a thumbs up.

 “Rule number one: Treat each other the way you want to be treated. Be kind to each other or at least tolerant.”

 Angel smirked. “Easier said than done.”

 Alastor rolled his eyes and laughed.

 Charlie put her hands on her hips. “You guys think this is all a joke, but I don’t. If you want to stay here, then you have to put in some effort. Even if it’s little steps every day.”

 “Like I said before, you can’t baby us into good behavior,” Angel said. “Are we like your students or something?”

 “Clients, yes,” she replied.

 “You’re just a teen, darling,” Alastor added. “You don’t have any experience with being formerly human or know about how Hell really works. I’m surprised you made it this far after your entertaining fiasco on the picture show.”

 That hit her hard. Alastor grinned in amusement at the stunned look on her face. His laugher rang in her ears (if she even had any).

 Charlie had dealt with snide comments like that for many years. Helsa and Katie Killjoy were the worst, never hesitating to bring her down with comments on her clothing, her silly ideas, or her clown-like appearance.

 “She’s a living joke!” Helsa would say, earning a snicker from her brother Seviathan. “Look at her blushing cheeks and tuxedo. Hey, you gonna juggle demon heads for us, princess?”

 A younger Helsa was standing with a bunch of mean girls by a row of lockers (resembling Zootopia school girls with animal-like features.)

“Hey, look! It’s the gay princess of rainbows!” Helsa called. “I wanna see you smooch those loser girls over there. A love fest for freaks!”

A girl with a white ponytail and glasses whispered to another girl who stretched out her leg and made Charlie trip…papers flying everywhere as their laughter screeched around her.

 “Well, looks like your project is dead on arrival,” Katie Killjoy had said, getting into her face. “How does it feel to be such a failure?”

 “Listen well, Charlotte, because I won’t say this again,” Lucifer had warned her back at home. “If you know what’s good for you, you will give up on your foolish idea and start behaving like an adult.”

“But I am an adult!” Charlie protested, no longer struggling. “And I’ve decided as princess to continue on with opening the hotel. It will be what’s best for us.”

Flames sparked in Lucifer’s eyes. “If you think causing a war is what’s best for us, then you are gravely mistaken. I had high hopes for you all these years. But now…you’re nothing but a failure.”

 “Charlie?”

 A familiar voice cut in. Charlie looked to see concern in Vaggie’s yellow eye.

Vaggie enveloped her gray hand into Charlie’s pale one and gave it a comforting squeeze. The feeling seemed to bring her back from her plaguing thoughts.

She took a breath.

 “Well, that may be true,” she began, regaining her composure, “But my parents taught me a lot about Hell as well as their histories. I know I’m new at this project and I’ve never interacted much with a lot of people. But I’m learning new things every day from sinners like you all. I do my best every day because I know that there is good in every one of you. And I’m not going to give up on my goal. I’m offering you all a second chance; you could start doing the same for me.”

 Alastor was a bit taken aback, if not impressed with how well she recovered.

 “Inside of every demon is a failure,” Alastor sang softly.

 “You don’t know the song, do you?” Charlie spoke up, briefly startling him. She smirked. “And besides, I’m older than all of you. I’m over 150 years old.”

 Everyone stared in stunned silence. Angel’s mouth was open and he breathed “say what?” Booze sputtered from Husk’s mouth and the winged cat demon coughed. Niffty scurried over and wiped up the spilled drops off the table. Alastor’s mouth was almost hitting the floor. But shortly after that, he cleared his throat and added, “You’re beautiful all the same.”

 He winked and Charlie let out a giggle. Vaggie gave a deadpan stare at Alastor, gripping her harpoon tighter in her hands.

 “Rules!” Charlie proclaimed, getting back to the topic. “First rule is the Golden Rule. Be kind and respectful to everyone.”

 Rule number two: No drinking during the day or past curfew. Angel. Husk.”

 She stared at them. “You better be listening.”

 “I’m listening,” Husk said. “I just don’t care.”

 “I can take that booze away from you,” Vaggie said.

 “Try it bitch.”

 “Enough, enough! Rule number three: no drugs of any kind. Angel.”

 “Rule number four; no distributing porn. Again, Angel, take note of this.”

 “For fuck’s sake, sugar!” Angel replied. “You trying to make my life miserable here?”

 “Do you want to stay rent free or not, bastard?” Vaggie added.

 “Touché,” Angel said, calming down.

 “Rule number five: No murdering or harming any guests or staff members. Applies to everyone. Especially Alastor.”

 “What?” he said with a chuckle. “If I wanted to hurt anyone here…”

 “You would’ve done so already. We get it,” Vaggie yelled, walking over to him, spear at the ready. “Bullshit. If you won’t take that rule seriously…I can make sure that you do.”

“Rule number six, no swearing.”

 Husk let out a series of cuss words in response.

 “Vaggie, Husk, and Angel Dust, this rule is for you.”

 None of them looked happy about it.

 Alastor looked smug in his seat. “That’s one rule I don’t have to worry about.”

 He appeared next to Charlie after materializing from shadow. He placed her hand son her shoulders. “But what’s say you? You’ve let out some swear words as well. I heard you on the picture show.”

 Charlie looked flustered. “Y-yes, I know. I’m working on that too.”

 Alastor cupped her cheeks and tilted the corners of her mouth upwards. “No frowns allowed, dear. That’s another rule.”

 “Get away from her, you psycho!” Vaggie called, holding her spear and walking beside Charlie.

 “It’s okay Vaggie,” Charlie assured.

 Alastor poked the girls’ noses and materialized back in his seat.

 “Rule number seven: respect personal space at all times. Applies to everyone. Especially now that there’s a pandemic going around.”

 Alastor nodded. “A very important rule to have. The six foot rule! Angel Dust over there will have to follow it if he wants his fingers to stay intact.”

 Angel backed up in his seat.

 “But you will too, Al,” Charlie mentioned. “Just because you don’t like to be touched, doesn’t mean you can just touch others whenever you want.”

 Charlie felt cold hands wrap around her waist. She glanced down and they were long and black. The air behind her felt cold and hummed with dark power. She looked back and stared into a shadowy face with blank teal eyes and a creepy teal grin.

 “Argh!” Charlie jumped back in fright. Alastor’s shadow vanished.

 “Don’t do that, Alastor!”

 Alastor chuckled. “I didn’t touch you or anything. Surely, the no touching rule doesn’t apply all the time. How else would we dance and have fun?”

 Charlie sighed, “Good point there.”

 “Splendid!”

 “Alright, now onto a list of possible solutions and goals to work toward. Vaggie helped me with this list.”

 Charlie walked around the room and passed out identification papers unique to each individual that listed the subject’s dates of death, their sins and rehabilitation strategies. Extra copies were kept in a folder in Charlie’s desk.

 “No sharing any personal info,” said Charlie. “Anyone who wants to talk about personal issues can do so in their own time.”

 Everyone looked at her with appreciation in their eyes.

“To briefly list them out with Vaggie’s help:

 “Angel Dust: drug therapy and gradual lessening of the cocaine and angel dust. Only drinking in the evenings or every other day. Frequent injections of medicine for sobering effect. Refrain from doing turf wars. No use of guns and weapons permitted in the hotel unless for self-defense. Rewards for cooperation include: staying rent free, making new friends, payment as progress goes on.”

 “Alastor: No invading other people’s space. Any murder, harm or demonic possession will result in dismissal and use of harpoon weapon. Use of dark magic on anyone is prohibited. No making deals with anyone. Rewards for cooperation include: jambalaya, jazz dances, singing, and the willingness to hear dad jokes.”

 “Husk: No stealing or hoarding liquor or any alcoholic beverages. We know that you do. Try and spend more time for alternative activities such as magic shows and similar gambling games that involve either less money or fake money. Rewards for cooperation include: catnip, weekend booze, money, and extra alone time.”

Charlie had written the next part for Vaggie:

 “Vaggie: Take deep breaths and focus on me whenever temper arises. Refrain from swearing and killing if possible. Have faith that this project will work and keep supporting me. It’s much appreciated. Reward: new friends and spending time with me.”

 “Niffty: don’t lift others up or cause any chaos. We know you’re capable of murder as well, so same rules: no murder, apply. Stalking men will result in a warning. Keep up the cooking and cleaning but don’t get too carried away. (rumor has it that you and Husk dispose bodies for Alastor, so watch your backs.) Rewards for cooperation include: spare time for reading, writing, and sharing fanfiction.”

 Charlie glanced down and saw a section of advice for her written by Vaggie:

 “Charlie: Refrain from swearing and getting too involved with the lives of other clients. It will take a while for demons to get redeemed, let alone go to Heaven, so be patient. Don’t be afraid to be stern and strict when necessary. You see the good in everyone, so bring out all their good traits while acknowledging the bad. Never give up on your goal, no matter what others may say. And most importantly:

BE CAUTIOUS OF ALASTOR.”

 Charlie smiled at Vaggie who smiled back genuinely. She mouthed “I love you,” and Charlie did the same.

 “Well, that pretty much covers it,” she said brightly. “We plan on having weekly meetings whenever we can. If any of you wish to talk about your personal issues, you can speak to me in private for a session.”

 Vaggie nodded.

 “Now…onto the fun part! The games I planned out!”

 She held up drawings.

 Vaggie groaned and facepalmed.

 “Karaoke nights! Bingo! Strawberry cake desserts and cupcakes to share! Demon Dance Revolutions on stage! Bring your pets to work day! Arts and crafts and meet and greets! Sociological issues in Hell with Vaggie. And every Sunday, tales of Heaven and happiness!”

 Now everyone had given up on taking her seriously. Some even began fidgeting or standing up to leave.

 “I’ll stick with pole dancing,” said Angel.

 “And gambling,” said Husk.

 “Don’t forget dad jokes!” Alastor added.

 “18+ fanfictions to share,” said Niffty. “My favorite: When Vox, Sir Pentious, and Alastor Cared for Me in Bed!”

 Everyone gasped in surprise and disgust. The group parted ways, agreeing to meet back in the lobby.

 Alastor briefly walked out of the room and up onto the balcony. His staff lit up.

 “Hello there, you fabulous sinful folk! It is I, Alastor the Radio Demon coming to you live from…”

 He briefly looked behind him to see that Charlie wasn’t watching,

 “…the Hazbin Hotel! What is it, you ask? It is a unique little joint run by Princess Charlotte that aims to rehabilitate sinners. Yes, what a crazy idea indeed, but apparently, she already has a few clients waiting to stay there. It’s been getting boring around here and I think the princess and her friends could use some extra company. If you’re looking for a place to stay, or to hang out, or if you simply want to try and be a better person only to fail miserably at it…come on over! And it’s free as well!”

 He laughed and basked in his glory. Keeping his promise to Blitzo, he added,

 “…If you ever want demons or even humans to die after doing you wrong, contact the Immediate Murder Professionals. A lovely trio of imps in Imp City, they’ll kill your intended targets anyway you wish, both in Hell and on Earth! Decapitation, disembowelment, suffocation… you name it, they’ll do it. Goodbye humans, hello justice! Bonus: kids die for free!”

 He snapped his fingers and a jazzy version of the I.M.P. Jingle played on air.  

 “I’ll see you around next time, here on 66.6FM. And as always, smile and stay tuned!”

 The staff blinked off.

 “Alastor?” Charlie called from inside. “What were you doing? I heard some music out from the balcony.”

 Alastor turned around. “Hello, my dear! I just came out for some fresh air.”

 “Where you just on the radio?” she asked.

 “Yes. Nothing much, just advertising your hotel to the public.”

 Now it was Charlie’s turn for her jaw to hit the floor. A mixture of elation, surprise, and nervousness spurred through her core.

 “Y-You what?”

 Alastor laughed. “I did say I wanted to help, didn’t I? So I figured, why not spread the word to a wider audience?”

 Charlie smiled but was also shaking. If it was true, then now everyone would know about the hotel. Including Helsa, Katie, her parents…

 On the one hand, it was the start of a dream come true. More people would folk to the front doors in the hopes of possibly redeeming themselves in the future.  

 On the other hand, she’d now be a potential laughing stock for everyone in Hell. Her embarrassment at the news station was awful enough. Now there could be more demons out there who would dismiss her idea just like that.

 In the back of her head, she wondered about the other overlords. Would they be willing to come to the hotel as well? Could they track her location and harm her when she was by herself?

 And what would her parents think of this? The last thing she wanted was another lecture from her father of how her plan seemed unreasonable, ridiculous and a waste of time.

 But then again…she had her friends with her. She had Alastor to protect her. If she wanted to prove herself, she would have to get started somehow.

 “Thank you, Al. I don’t know what to say,” she finally said.

 “Think nothing of it, my dear. More people means more entertainment, doesn’t it?”

 Charlie walked back inside, soon surrounded by the others. She stared into each of their eyes and saw something she’d never thought she’d see: sparks of hope and support. Genuine smiles on their faces, even for Husk. Each individual leading different lives but all connected together in a strange bond. A band of misfits, brought together by herself and fate. The downtrodden brought to a place of comfort, where they could be themselves while working toward getting into paradise.

 It was the start of something special. Of potentially making a difference and changing her world.

 “Charlie?” Vaggie asked.

 “Yes,” she said.

 Vaggie mentioned to the door. A series of knockings could be heard. Charlie walked toward the door, hesitantly reaching for the handle before swinging it open.

 A pair of three imps and a hellhound stood in the doorway. The one in front had a white and red face with yellow eyes, long curved horns and a black mark on his forehead. The shorter imp to his right had white hair, a red face, yellow eyes and shorter horns. Both of them wore navy blue business suits, their long pointed red tails behind them. The other imp was dressed in a black tank top with torn pants. She had lone eyelashes and eye rows, plus a red face and wild black hair. Finally, the white furry hellhound was dressed in street clothing: torn short pants, a spiked collar around her neck and a tank top held in place with string shaped like a downward pointing pentagram.

 “Can I help you?” she asked.

 “Is this the Hazbin Hotel?” asked the imp in front. “The Radio Demon kindly advertised our company and so we decided to see what this Hazbin business is about.”

 “No, this is the Happy Hotel,” she said, confusion etched onto her face.

 “The sign up there read Hazbin,” said the shorter male imp.

 The first imp spoke. “So you’re the princess that the Radio Demon talked about. Redeeming sinners, right?”

 Charlie scratched the back of her neck. “Yes.”

 Blitzo laughed. “My, that’s a first when it comes to hilarious ideas. And I thought Stolas was crazy in the head.”

 Charlie flushed, eyes downward.

 “But hey, don’t worry, we’re just here for a visit. At Alastor’s request.”

 Those words sent an unforeseen chill down her spine. He wondered what he meant by that.

 Making an effort to be polite, she held out her hand. “I’m Charlie.”

 “Blitzo!” said the imp in front, shaking her hand. “The o is silent. Head of I.M.P. This is Moxxie, Millie, and my dear Loony. May we come in?”

 “Sure.”

 Blitzo proudly walked in, followed by a grumpy Moxxie, an excited Millie and an indifferent Loona.

 Vaggie gasped in shock as the group came in. Angel, Husk and Niffty soon took notice.

 “Hello there good friends!” Alastor greeted. He had clearly been expecting them. He turned to Niffty. “Niffty, it’s your turn to make some jambalaya for our new guests!”

 “I’m on it!” she beamed before dashing of toward the kitchen.

 “Jamba-what now?” Moxxie asked.

 “Jambalaya, a Creole specialty dish from New Orleans. Rice, shrimp, vegetable, meat, and fresh flesh mixed in if you prefer.”

 “Sounds ravishing to me!” Millie said.  She looked around at the hotel. “Wow, this place is quite something! It may not be the fanciest one but it’s better than the slums and halfway houses in Imp City.”

 She turned to Blitzo, “Blitzo can we please stay a night or two?”

 “No Millie, this is a place for sinners, not for us hellborn. Besides, we’ll have to go back to headquarters once our visit is over.”

 Millie pouted a bit.

 Moxxie folded his arms. “Getting sent here for a ”meet and greet.” Pathetic. We’re treated like dirt day in and day out by Hell society. Why visit a random hotel down the pit?”

 “Because,” Blitzo said, eyes shining. “Alastor promised me a taste of musical theater and entertainment. The two of us on stage!”

 “That’s right!” he chimed in. “I heard about I.M.P. on the picture show. It was the least I could do to show my support. And here I am supporting Charlie with her hotel. It does feel good to help out others.”

 Charlie cupped her face and beamed in delight. Millie and Niffty stood and giggled as they watched Alastor from a distance. Vaggie and everyone else looked suspicious. Vaggie seriously doubted that Alastor actually meant what he said. He was only concerned about entertaining himself and using others for his benefit.

 Blitzo and Moxxie exchanged worried looks. The hidden mark of Kalfu and Alastor hummed inside their heads. The three imps were, in fact, summoned to the hotel just after Alastor’s announcement. Loona quickly tracked them down, almost pulled in after then as well. She, too, felt a pinch of dark energy inside her.

 Moxxie opened his mouth speak, but no sound came out. He tried to use his hands for sign language, but a dark shadow seemed to hold his fingers in place. A look of fear was etched onto his face. He stared at Charlie, desperate to tell her, but he could only blink and move his eyes. Charlie was oblivious, of course. Vaggie and Angel were merely concerned. Niffty and Husk felt the same energy pulsing from inside their heads like a dark heartbeat. They knew that just like the newcomers, they couldn’t do anything but wait and watch. By the time the others figured out they had made deals with Alastor, he’d probably brush them aside, having no use for them. There was no way to tell, so they stopped thinking about it.

 “Is something the matter, good sir?” Alastor asked, grin stretching slightly.

A flash of a recent memory at headquarters…

 A very slow “Shave and a Haircut” knock filled up the silence. It came from behind the door that led to the hallway.

 Loona and Husk froze, maws open in mid-brawl. Moxxie raised his eyebrows and suddenly started to shiver. Millie and Blitzo suddenly felt an oncoming sense of dread. Husk crossed his arms and rolled his eyes. Niffty, however, clapped her hands in excitement. She took some steps forward, but froze at Moxxie’s glare.

 “Do not answer the door,” Moxxie whispered in a harsh tone.

 Niffty stared in confusion. “Why not? He’s my friend.”

 Moxxie narrowed his eyes.

 “From the other side!” Niffty emphasized.

 “Just don’t go any further.”

 Niffty grinned and tiptoed closer to the door.

 “No, no, no,” Moxxie breathed, moving his hands across in a signal. “Stop right there.”

 Niffty stopped and slowly reached her thin black hand toward the round handle.

 “Oh for Lucifer’s sake!” Blitzo announced, walking toward the door. “It’s Niffty’s coworker. How bad can he be?”

 He opened the door and grinned. “Hi I’m Blitz…”

 His eyes widened and his face fell.

 “…o.”

 Blitzo stared at a towering tall demon wearing a tattered red dress coat with vertical thin stripes. Burgundy colored pants covered his legs and ended in red patches along the ends. He wore black dress shoes with red deer print marks on the soles. His undershirt was red and had an upside down black cross as part of the design. A black bow tie was displayed below his slender neck. One of his four clawed hands held a red vintage microphone staff.

 Blitzo stuttered, at a loss for words. Fear was constricting his throat. He stuttered as he looked up at the man’s face, “Welcome…”

 Blitzo stared at the man’s red and black hair, with large deer ears and antlers. His large red eyes blinked to life from a pale face. A monocle gleamed under his right eye.

 “…to…”

 The man displayed a grin of sharp yellow teeth, his smile too wide to be considered natural.

 “…I.M.P…”

 The demon opened his mouth, “Hell…”

 Blitzo slammed the door, catching his breath. He opened it a crack…

 “…o!”

 Closed it again. “Guys…” he began.

 “What?” Moxxie asked in frustration.

 “I think we need to move away. Niffty, could you please send your friend away? He’s giving me the creeps.”

 Niffty shook her head.

 “Don’t let him in, sir!” Moxxie said. Husk nodded in agreement.

 Millie gasped, “That’s a rude way to treat a guest!”

 “Okay then, do you want to open the door?”

 Millie gulped.

 Blitzo sighed and opened it again.

 “May I speak now?” the man asked.

 “Sure, whatever,” Blitzo muttered.

 The overlord swooped into the room. “Greetings fellow sinners! I’m Alastor but people call me the Radio Demon. I heard from my little darling Niffty that you imps are part of an assassination organization, yes?”

 Blitzo took a deep breath and cleared his throat. A smile appeared on his face, now that he was feeling confident. “That’s correct, good sir! I’m Blitzo and I’m the founder of the Immediate Murder Professionals, I.M.P. for short.”

 Alastor laughed. “What a clever name! I.M.P. run by imps! And who are your associates?”

 Blitzo mentioned to the other imps, “This is Moxxie and Millie.” Millie waved and blushed while Moxxie glowered.

 Loona looked up from her phone.

 “…and this is my sweet daughter, Loona,” Blitzo finished.

 Loona growled and snapped her teeth at Alastor, causing him to take a step back. Retaining his composure, he continued. “That little maid is Niffty, and that cat over there is Husk. I saw your commercial on the picture show and was intrigued. Murdering people in gruesome ways…a classic form of entertainment! It even makes my methods look standard. All thanks to Niffty for finding your location.”

 Niffty smiled and waved.

 “Next time, don’t mention Imp City in the ad,” Moxxie spat at Blitzo in a low voice.

 Alastor walked slightly closer to Blitzo, leaning in. “Is it true that you have access to the living world?”

 “Uh…yes?” Blitzo answered. He felt Alastor’s fingers make their way along his curved horns. Despite himself denying it, Blitzo felt his cheeks go pink.

 “And you can create portals? Splendid, indeed. There’s no other being in Hell who can do that.”

 “Smooth liar,” Husk muttered from a distance.

 “That’s right!” Blitzo replied. “Our company has special access to the living world due to our abilities. I may have also stolen a Satanic ritual book from a bird dick overlord several days ago. Top secret.”

 Moxxie’s face turned purple, he made the hand signal for “zip it!” to Blitzo, but of course, he wasn’t paying attention.

 Alastor smiled and put a finger to his lips. “Rest assured, whatever happens here, stays here.”

 He waved his hand and two bottles of booze appeared in front of Husk.  

 “You might think you can keep getting away with bribing me like that…” Husk said, narrowing his eyes, “…but we both know you can!” He picked up a bottle and started drinking. Loona snatched the other one.

  “What exactly are you doing here, anyway?” Moxxie demanded to Alastor.

 “Why I’m here to help out your company, of course! I’m already involved in helping Charlie with her hotel, so I figured I could expand my horizons.”

 The Radio Demon walked over to Millie. “Hello, dear, it’s a pleasure to meet you.”

 He gently kissed her red hand, making her giggle.

 Moxxie slapped his hand away. “No one touches my wife, you got that?”

 Alastor just shrugged and walked toward the table.

  “Don’t you walk away from me, Mister!” Mooxie stood from his chair and walked over to him. He pointed at his chest, making the demon’s smile more strained. “You look like a shady showman to me, so listen here. You have no business whatsoever in interfering with our company. Or messing around with my coworkers and my boss. So, don’t go around harming anyone here, or we’ll kick you out of our office…or just slice you to bits, Dapper Deer!”

 Alastor just laughed softly. Millie and Blitzo walked over to calm Moxxie down.

 “If I wanted to hurt anyone here…” Alastor said…

 He then spoke in a creepy tone: “I would’ve done so already.”

His eyes turned into red moving radio dials and the air filled with radio static and floating red voodoo symbols.

 He shook his head and the sensations ceased. His eyes returned to normal. “So, now let’s talk about how I can help you out.”

 “What?” Millie asked.

 “How can I be of assistance? You want donations? Promotion? An upgraded outfit?”

 Blitzo scoffed, “My outfit is great enough as it is. But… you said something about promotions?”

  Alastor nodded. “You ever feel like your work goes unrecognized?”

 “Yeah,” Blitzo replied. “People do come to us a lot to murder people, but…”

 Alastor tilted his head…

 Blitzo continued, “…but the imps and residents here look down on us. Not to mention even the sinners brush us aside like we’re trash. That’s why we’ve kept to ourselves a lot. We imps have to stick together…and hellhounds, too.”

 Loona rolled her eyes.

 “But your company is so unique, and with such special access, I don’t know why others would look down on you,” Alastor mentioned. “Whoever those horrible people are…who are they?”

 “My asshole father,” Blitzo said. “He’s kept me from achieving my musical theater dreams.”

 Alastor placed a hand on Blitzo’s shoulder. He spoke in his sympathetic tone, reserved for making others feel at ease.

 “Oh, believe me, I’ve been there. I’ve loved singing and music ever since I can remember. And my dad…well it’s a long story, too tragic to go into. Have you ever thought of…killing the person in your way? It’s surprisingly simple, and you of all people should know.”

 “I…um…”

 Moxxie nodded. “I had a dream that my parents were being murdered, and I wanted to get back to that.”

 “What if I told you…there was a way for your dreams to come true?”

 “That’s impossible,” Moxxie scoffed.

 Alastor appeared behind him, from his shadow form, making him jump. “I don’t think so! I can do so many things for your cause.” He stood in front of the three imps. A flaming bag of money appeared in Alastor’s outstretched hand, in front of Blitzo’s eyes. It changed to fiery silhouettes of Blitzo, Moxxie, and Millie dancing to the clapping of a crowd coming through his microphone. “This may seem like a bit much, but so far, you’re a well-established company.” The I.M.P. logo appeared in his hand before he closed it. “I could improve you ads, extend your business to Pentagram City, all under my protection. Imps won’t have to be the lowest of the low ever again.”

 Blitzo and his associates looked at each other, lost in thought. Alastor’s grin grew wider.

  “Do you really want to give up this golden opportunity?”

 Moxxie paused. Blitzo found himself shaking his head. Millie smiled at Niffty and Husk nearby.

 Alastor turned to leave. “Well, it was worth a try. I could give you some time to think about it…it was only a suggestion.”

 He slowly walked toward the door. “3…2…1…”

 Blitzo’s eyes went wide. “No, no, wait! Don’t leave.”

 Alastor turned his head, smile wide. He turned back to them and held out his right hand. “So, do we have a deal?”

 “No deals!” Moxxie yelled, pulling Blitzo away. “There’s something shifty about this guy. The stuff he says is too good to be true.”

 “You sure about that?” he asked. “Perhaps I need to persuade you a little more…”

 He snapped his fingers and the table and pictures vanished. The room turned a dark purple and the floor became wooden like dance floor. Deer antlers and voodoo symbols lined the walls in neon colors. The posters now showed deer with black bloody circles in place of eyes. Alastor’s outfit changed into a red suit, with a red top hat with pins sticking out. Soon, everyone was wearing attire from the early 1900s: dapper dresses and round hats of purple, green and yellow for Millie, Niffty, and Loona, and suits of light blue, white and black for Blitzo, Husk and Moxxie.

  “Take it boys!” Alastor called, snapping his fingers. Shadow spirits emerged from a newly created portal in the ground. One played a saxophone, one a trumpet, and the other played the drums.

 A jazzy remix of the I.M.P. jingle played. Moxxie and Millie danced and spun around in the spotlight as the music played. Husk and Moxxie glared at each other in a corner. Niffty smiled and danced along, while Loona stared at her phone again.

 Alastor mentioned for Blitzo to come on stage and sing with him. Blitzo blushed and slowly made his way next to him.

  Alastor sang through his vintage microphone, which lit up.

   “When you want somebody dead,

And you wanna poke fun at their head

Call the Immediate Murder Professionals

 Whether homicide or genocide

We’ll make it look like suicide

Immediate Murder Professionals

 We do our job so well

‘Cause we come straight up from Hell

We’ll kill your husband or your wife

We’ll even let you keep the knife

 The Immediate…Murder…Professionals

 The song was followed by an electro swing solo and a repeat of the verses.

Blitzo was lost in a blissful trance as he and Alastor spun around in a dance.

 They both stopped to catch their breath as the music slowed to a relaxing jazz melody.

 Alastor held out his right hand. “What’d you say? Won’t you shake a poor sinner’s hand?” The area around him glowed an eerie green and a strange wind gusted.

 Millie ran over and eagerly shook his hand. “I accept! Thank you for your help!” In the shadows, Moxxie was pulled toward Alastor by black tentacles wrapping around his waist.

 Blitzo stared at Alastor’s hand in front of him. Common sense told him to stay far away from this demon.

 But Millie had shaken his hand already…and he did offer to help them…

 Blitzo’s musical dream was just beginning, and so was his company. Why back out now?

 He slowly moved his hand closer, hovering over Alastor’s fingerless glove- covered hand.

 Loona’s eyes grew wide. Her fur stuck on end and her instincts kicked in. She could smell deceit and evil coming from the demon. She hadn’t thought it would go this far. For the first time, she placed her phone down on the ground. “Blitz!” she called.

 Blitzo briefly looked behind Alastor…and saw his adopted daughter…with fear in her eyes for the first time. He was sure he was dreaming. There was no way magic like this could exist, and surely his daughter wouldn’t show this much concern for him.

 But then again…Blitzo could create portals to Earth, so anything was possible.

 “Anything is possible,” said Alastor, as if reading his thoughts.

 “Don’t do it!” Loona barked. She raced over to Blitzo…only for Husk and Niffty to block her. Husk’s eyes and Niffty’s eye glowed red. “Ahh, the fuck?!” Loona exclaimed, in shock.

 Blitzo’s shaking hand inched closer…

 Moxxie’s hand was forcibly guided to the demon’s other hand by the tentacles…

 Loona growled and swatted Husk and Niffty aside with her paws.

  Blitzo’s hand touched Alastor’s at the same time Moxxie’s did.

“Noooo!”

  The Radio Demon cackled in triumph as Blitzo and Moxxie shook his hands. All three imps briefly opened their eyes wide, all glowing red. Small streams of evil black energy from their souls traveled from each of their mouths and into Alastor’s staff. Husk and Niffty stood up and stared at each other…for this had happened to them as well. All five of them stood still like soldiers, each with too-wide grins on their faces as static and symbols filled the air.

   “No, sir, nothing.” Moxxie replied.

 The pulsing stopped and a shadow was lifted.

 “Very well then. Off we go to the bar.”

 Angel and Blitzo walked side by side, having a heated conversation.

“I’d kill to work for a company like yours, pun not intended,” Angel said. “Being paid to kill people? With all the turf wars I’m in, I’ve killed or hurt dozens of demons. With humans, it’s no problem.”

 “What do you do,” Blitzo asked. “I must admit, your dress is rather…strange.”

 “It’s a suit, thank you very much.”

 “I still like it.”

 “Really? Well, I’m not too surprised. I’m Hell’s number one porn star after all.”

 “What’s that like?”

 “I work for my boss Valentino. He’s the owner of a porn studio not too far from here. I just tell my haters, “It’s my day to be gay.” And to those who wanna fuck with me, they gotta pay me. My services don’t come cheap.”

 “Heh,” Blitzo said with curiosity. “You with Valentino?”

 “Yeah, he’s rough in the bedroom. Doesn’t really care much about me other than me paying him and keeping myself in line.”

 “Sounds similar to Stolas. He sheds his feathers when he’s aroused. We fucked in his palace and I stole a Satanic ritual book to access the living world.”

 Angel grinned. “Oooh! Kinky!”

 “Then I fell down into chocolate cake and tell his queen, “Sorry I fucked your husband!”

 “Damn! And you’re still alive?”

 “I was lucky to hightail it outta there before she could peck out my insides.”

 “Oh, tell me more.”

 Blitzo laughed. “He called me over the phone and told me he wasn’t lonely now that so many people die from the covid 19 virus. Then he was then like, “When I’m lonely, I become hungry, and when I’m hungry… I want to…”

Blitzo continued on with a string of curse words and graphic descriptions.

“...and I’ll leave you screaming….like a fucking baby!”

 Angel stared stunned at what he had told him. “Holy shit. And I thought I was into BDSM. This owl guy could probably intimidate Valentino. Heheheheh. I did the same thing to Alastor as a prank call and he just hung up on me.”

 “Hahaha! I can see why.”

 Charlie and Vaggie walked side by side together, placing their distance from the guys.

 “Stolas…” Charlie said to Vaggie after hearing the name. “It sounds familiar. Oh I remember. He’s Melodia’s husband and father of Octavia.”

 “Who’s that?”

 “Octavia is a princess like me, except she’s a black and white owl. We…we used to be best friends when we were younger. We did typical princess tuff, tea parties, dress up, and the occasional murder. We even went to Hell-World in Gore-rida.”

 Vaggie’s eyes brightened. “I remember when we went there together.”

 “Yes. We posed together in front of the castle and we rode all the rides, too. Oh and the Disney musicals were the best part!”

 The two girls reminisced over the fun times.

 Charlie’s face fell. “But then, as time went on, we grew distant. I started to focus on the Happy Hotel and several other projects that could help out sinners. I encouraged Octavia to join me, but she refused. She thought my ideas were stupid and a waste of time.   After a few years, she started to believe that I didn’t want to be her friend anymore. I told her that wasn’t true but she didn’t believe me. She said that if I were her friend, I would’ve kept in contact with her, dressed more properly and mostly forget about my rehabilitation goals.”

 “That sounds harsh,” Vaggie said. “I’m sorry you had to go through that.” She placed a comforting hand on her shoulder.

 “My dad was hoping that our families could be on good terms through a partnership. Not by marriage but by business and friendship. Now we hardly see each other.”

Everyone made their way into the larger area, where they were free to talk or roam around.

   Later on, Alastor and a very happy Blitzo were singing together in the spotlight up on stage. Blitzo now had a fancy dark blue suit with an orange, red tie and two dark top hats over his horns with stitched up smiley faces on it. With a confident grin, Alastor pulled Charlie onto the stage to sing along with them, much to Vaggie’s shock and anger.

 Loona and Husk were fighting furiously over a bottle of booze.

 “That’s my bottle, you bitch,” Husk hissed. “Go buy your own.”

 It’s mine, pussycat.”

 “Homeless furry beast. Go back to the fucking slum where you and the hellhounds belong!”

 “I’ll chase you and rip you apart, you gambling shittalking clown!”

 The two of them bared teeth and claws, swiping at each other and pulling each other’s ears.

 Without ceasing his tap dancing nor letting his smile falter, Alastor snapped his fingers. Loona and Husk were sent to opposite corners of the room, each with a bottle of booze next to them. They both looked stunned before gulping down their bottles with deadly glares.

 Charlie stepped up to the microphone and began to sing:

  “Sing it out

You’ve got to see what tomorrow brings

Sing it out

You’ve got to be what tomorrow needs

For every time that they want to count you out

Use your voice every single time you open up your mouth

 Sing it for the beaus

Sing it for the belles

Every time you lose it, sing it for Hell

 Sing it from the heart

Sing it till you’re nuts

Sing it out for the ones you hate your guts

 Sing it for the winners

Sing it for the sinners

Sing about everyone as you make fresh dinners”

 Alastor’s heart fluttered as he immersed himself in the moment. Focusing only on the sound of her angelic enchanting voice.

 “Oh Charlie, you’re full of surprises, charming demon belle.”

 Meanwhile, Millie and Niffty were sharing stories about guys at their table.

 Millie pointed to Moxxie, who was sitting across a table from Vaggie, both of them staring in envy at the trio on stage.

“That’s my husband, Moxxie. He can be a grump sometimes, but he’s very kind once you get to know him. He made me a song called “Oh Millie.” We sang it together one night when we were out shooting demons on the streets nearby.”

 Niffty beamed. “How romantic! You two spending some great time together. Disposing bodies and dancing in the bloody rain…it’s worthy for a fairytale.”

 “I know!” said Millie. “Blitzo films us outside of work, which drives Mox nuts. Sometimes he can have panic attacks, but I always know how to calm him down. I do love my job at I.M.P. Seems like I’m the only employee who does. Sure, we get into a lot of fights and we live in a crummy area of Hell. But we are a company family, so we stick together no matter what.”

 “Well, I’m very happy for you.” She sighed. “It’s so sexy when a man shows his great power. I mean, look at my boss. He’s conquered a dozen areas in Hell and he has supernatural powers. Husk and I were summoned to this place to assist him. Husk is the bartender and I’m the cook and housekeeper. Man it felt good to be free of the burning lake, you know? Plus…I have a side-job too.”

 “What is it?” She leaned in.

 “Husk and I sometimes dispose of demon bodies after Alastor kills other demons…and we get paid at the end of every week.”

 Millie laughed. “I’m all too familiar with that process. Except we dispose of humans. And on Earth…it’s more risky if you get caught. Down here, nobody cares.”

 “Oh I just love men, so much! Alastor, Vox, Valentino…Lucifer too. If I had my way…”

Her voice grew lower and harmless fire spread over her body,

“I’d clean this hellhole of all the messy chaotic demons, clean up the organs and bathe in the blood. The skins of demons and women would be sewn together to make fashionable outfits for a grand ball. All the men in hell would devote themselves to me and the rest would die in cleansing flame.”

The flames stopped and Niffty shrunk back to normal size. Millie just stared at her for a while.

“Oh and I also want my new fanfiction to be noticed and published. I just fixed it, too. On Wattpad.”

She held up sheets of paper she summoned from fire: “How Vox, Valentino, Lucifer and Alastor Cared for Me in Bed.”

“I wonder what Blitzo and Moxxie are like…”

Millie glared. “Keep my husband out of this, and I’ll support your work.”

“Really? Thank you so much!”

Niffty jumped for joy and ran off to deliver more bowls of Jambalaya. Millie scanned through the papers with a smile. And then a grimace.

“Piece of shit.”

She casually tossed the papers to Loona, who tore them apart with her mouth and claws.

 Moxxie and Vaggie said nothing for a while. They just watched as Charlie took a bow after singing “You’re Never Fully Dressed.”

 “I swear, Blitzo, you keep going off the deep end every day. Why do I have to keep putting up with you and the dumb company?”

 Vaggie watched as Alastor kissed Charlie’s hand, both of them smiling.

 “Charlie, why don’t you stop and listen to me? You’d really risk our friendship…and dare I say it, your life, for an evil dealmaker who shows up at your door?”

 As if they were reading each other’s thoughts, Moxxie and Vaggie glanced at each other.

 “What a bunch of egocentric idiots,” he muttered.

 “No need to remind me,” Vaggie said. “I wish I could slap that stupid smile off that man’s face.”

 “Alastor?”

 “Yes.”

 “You’re stupid if you plan on trying.”

 “Imp, I’ll only go that far if he puts my friend in danger.”

 “I’m Moxxie, lady. I could care less about who you are.”

 “Vaggie,” she growled. She gripped her spear with one hand.

 Moxxie scoffed. “You gonna use that harpoon on me? You best use it wisely. After a single strike, I’d fall dead and everyone would want to get their hands on it.”

 “And get kicked out of this place. No. How do you so much about my spear?”

 Moxxie let out a small grin. “I’m a weapon’s specialist at I.M.P. I’ve been fixing and using guns, rifles, knives, and pretty much anything. I know an angelic weapon when I see it.”

 This time, Vaggie got intrigued. “I’ve kept this with me ever since I fell down into Hell. I didn’t merely appear like the other sinners.”

 She dug into her pocket and showed him one of her daggers. Moxxie studied it with interest. “Appears to be hand-made. Steel blade, slightly worn. You made this?”

 Vaggie nodded. “I also am good at martial arts. Though I haven’t practiced since…well, my previous life ended and I fell from the Heavens. This weapon is my only reminder of that.”

 Moxxie handed the dagger back to her.  “Are you a … fallen angel?”

 “Fallen Exterminator,” she corrected. “I’m stuck here forever just like everyone else. And perhaps I’m destined to die on one of the Exterminations.”

 Moxxie shook his head. “With your intellect and courage…and temper, I doubt that.”

Vaggie didn’t know what to say, other than, “I figured as much.”

 Moxxie then asked, “Have you ever felt like you’re…somehow second best? Like you’re just the sidekick to your boss or friend, stuck in a big company with no one but annoyances around you?”

 Vaggie nodded. “All the time. It always seems to be about Charlie and Alastor. When they’re together, they act like I’m not even there. And don’t get me started on Angel Dust, Husk and Niffty. Angel, fucking son of a bitch drug addict. He jumps into turf wars and made the hotel look bad to the public. He only wants a free place to crash. He doesn’t give a flying fuck about anyone around him, it seems. And Husk, the drinker and gambler…swears as much as me. Called me bitch when I told him to stop hoarding liquor for the umpteenth time. Niffty, that fast little bugger, always hot for men and getting into everyone’s business. And Alastor…urgh! He shoves me aside, slaps my ass, steals my girlfriend away! He’d be dead if he weren’t so powerful. If this goes on too long…”

 Vaggie turned away, angrily wiping a stray tear from her eye. “Just…men are untrustworthy. At least to me. They stole my virginity, stole my life, and now my afterlife best friend.”

 Moxxie didn’t know what to say, he just seethed softly, debating on whether to talk to her or leave her alone.

 “That’s harsh. I’m sorry. I thought I had it hard, with Blitzo stalking me every day, and him using my salary to pay for an advertisement. I live in poverty and listen to musicals…but life’s not bad not that my asshole parents aren’t around.”

Moxxie cleared his throat. “Well, I can say this, having been in Hell for a while. Keep your friends close, your enemies closer. Stick with people you trust, and when you can’t trust them…sometimes you have to roll with the punches and get through the day.”

 He brandished a small black gun and clicked it for show. “Trust your instincts. And when it’s time to fight, don’t hold back.”

 “I won’t, believe me.”

 Her demon form emerged, her white hair fanning out, with eyes forming on it like moth wings. Her pink bow turned into pink horns and her pink x glowed. Purple moth wings made of flame sprouted from her back and an extra pair of insect like limbs allowed her to carry more weapons. Small antennae formed from the front part of her head of hair.

 “I would give my life to save Charlie.”

 “As I would for Millie.”

 Vaggie reverted back to her regular form, the wings and features vanishing.

 “Thank you, Moxxie, I really needed that.”

 “Not a problem.”

 They shook hands before parting ways.

 Charlie ran over and enveloped Vaggie in a hug. “Oh that was such a great performance. It was so much fun being up there!”

 Vaggie had to smile. “You did well up there. Your voice is beautiful.”

 “Aww Vaggie,” she laughed. She planted a kiss on her friend’s forehead, a blush coming to her gray cheeks. Charlie sat next to Vaggie as they listened to Alastor’s dad jokes.

 “Two radio antennas got married. The wedding was good but the reception was awesome!”

 “Boo!” shouted Angel. Everyone else sat in boredom, save for Charlie, Millie, and Niffty who silently giggled. Lonna lifted a middle finger as she stared at her phone.

 Alastor cleared his throat.

 “Knock knock. Who’s there? Radio. Radio who?”

 He then answered his joke in a demonic voice without moving his mouth.  

 “Radio not here I come! Hahaha!”

 “Jeez, even when he’s telling jokes, he gives me the creeps,” Moxxie mentioned to Millie. Millie nodded, half dazed. “Snap out of it,” he shook her as she turned to him.

 “Calm down, Mox. Don’t worry so much.”

  Niffty had gotten a nosebleed and fainted in delight.

 Alastor glanced down. “Somebody please help the little darling?”

 Millie raced over and moved Niffty over to a couch.

   “Radio not, here I come,” Vaggie scoffed. “That’s not even a dad joke, it was a knock knock joke! So terrible.”

 “Like paper is,” Charlie added, with a smile.

 Vaggie playfully elbowed Charlie in the ribs. “Blonde dork.”

 Soon it was getting late. It was time for I.M.P. to go back to their business.

 “Thank you for coming, everyone!” said Alastor. “What a splendid night it was! You’re welcome back here anytime!”

 “Good riddance,” Loona called back, taking a breath of a cigarette and holding a stolen bottle of vodka in her hands. Husk flipped the bird at her as she did it back with both hands. Angel Dust had given her a bag of angel dust, which she hid in her shorts. It didn’t go unnoticed by Charlie but she decided to let the matter slide.

 Loona was the first one out, followed by Millie, Moxxie, and finally, Blitzo.

 “Bye everyone!” Blitzo called out. “Be sure to call us you want somebody gone!”

 “Are you sure you don’t want to redeem yourself?” Charlie asked. “You are an incredible performer and it was so much fun to spend time with you.”

 “Hmm, let me think…no thank you!” Blitzo laughed. “Business is business!”

 Blitzo did one last wave and wink before Charlie shut the door with a sigh.

 “Alright, off to your rooms everyone,” Charlie called. “We have a busy day tomorrow.”

Alastor sent his shadow to guard the perimeter outside, while the group straightened up the lobby before heading upstairs.

 She walked toward a certain red clad demon.

 “Alastor, you changed the sign of my hotel. Why?”

 Alastor looked up from the voodoo doll he was sewing and stood up. “Darling, Happy sounded too immature. It sounds like a name for an overnight rehab center where demon’s reputations are forever tarnished in group meetings and little kid activities. This is a hotel in Hell, for misfits like us. A safe place for them to stay for the night. No other name properly reflects that.”

 “That still doesn’t give you the right to change anything!”

 Alastor shrugged and spread out his arms. “Hey, no need to get so frazzled. I’m just doing my part to help. Though if you don’t want any more help…I can just find entertainment elsewhere…”

 “Nonono! Please…stay,” Charlie begged. “Just…stay out of trouble.”

 Alastor pulled her in for a brief side hug, then pat her head. “We’ll do. Goodnight, sweetheart.”

 He vanished into the shadows without another word.

[macbookpro-hard-drive]

control [jeremy h. x squipped!reader] pt.4

i arise from my grave to post this

so uhhhh consider............... im a tired college student-

anyway uh

i swear this part is shorter than i intended but i guess i’ll die

warnings: squip. thts it. the squip. manipulation, abuse, everything that kinda comes with writing about the SQUIP. also horror movie mentions but nothing explicit (although a kill is mentioned from one of said horror movies)

             Halloween day finally comes, and thankfully lands on a Saturday to give you maximum time to hang out with Michael and Jeremy (who, upon learning you’d be joining the two of them during a lucky moment between classes, had stared at you for a moment with furrowed brow before commenting he didn’t know that the two of you were friends again). Your nerves were getting the best of you as you flipped through your clothes, slipping into a comfortable pair of black jeans. The entire time, your SQUIP lingered around you, talking you through some game plan. You stripped off the large shirt you used for pajamas and slipped into a plain black t-shirt, before fishing your jean jacket from your bed. 

            Finally, you turned to your SQUIP’s form standing behind you. “Maybe I could, y’know... do this myself?” You suggested, before following it up with a quick, almost apologetic, “I don’t think I should be depending on you for every interaction... right?”

            At first, it didn’t respond. It stared at you, lips pressed into a thin line as it gave you a once-over. After letting out a small hum of approval at your ensemble, it shook it’s head. “I’ve run the numbers and that will result in your failure, [y/n]. It’s best to stick with the original plan,” and then it paused for a moment, “I’m beginning to detect that you don’t trust me.”

            “I do!” You responded quickly, before you nervously pushed past the intangible figure to look in your mirror. Combing your fingers through your hair, you let the question weigh in your mind before you finally looked back to your SQUIP. “Is... Is there any way to get rid of you?” 

            “No.” The response was sharp, quick to shoot down any and every idea you’d been formulating. 

            “Oh. So...” You trailed off, before crossing your room and fishing through your dresser to find a pair of socks, “I’m stuck with you, then.”

            “Stuck implies you no longer want me here, [y/n].”

            “It’s not that I don’t want you here...” You mused aloud, before snagging a pair of shoes and sitting on your bed. “It’s just... I don’t think I want you around when I’m, like, thirty.”

            “Plenty of world leaders would kill to have a SQUIP, [y/n]. Consider yourself lucky.”

            You merely shrugged at the sentiment before your phone chimed with a text from Michael, almost as if on cue to end this awkward moment between you and the voice in your head. Quickly, you finished getting ready and shoved your keys and phone into your pocket, and you raced out to Michael’s car. Jeremy was already in the passenger seat, forcing you to retire into the back - which, you immediately sprawled out and absolutely enjoyed the space as Michael took off, launching into a list of the contenders for the evening. Scream, Halloween, A Nightmare On Elm Street, specifically the remake of Friday The 13th (and, for a moment, you heard Jeremy exhale sharply at the title), Final Destination...

            “And Terrifier-” Michael began, eyes cutting towards Jeremy for a split second. 

            Immediately, Jeremy smacked Michael’s arm. “Dude, I told you I’m not watching Terrifier-” He shifted, “fuck that clown.” 

            You looked between the two of them. “What’s Terrifier?” 

            Michael’s beaming at your question. “Jer. We have to. They don’t-”

            “No!” He retorted, “fuck you, I’m sparing them, then-”

            “C’mon, Jeremy,” Michael teased further, “it’s just one kill-”

            “HE SAWS HER IN HALF, MICHAEL.” Jeremy’s voice went up an octave, and he shifted uncomfortably in his seat, “that’s horrifying-”

            You rose a brow in response. “What’s so bad about that-”

            Jeremy turned to face you, “okay.” He shut his eyes for a moment, composing himself, before he opened them once more, “there’s this girl that gets kidnapped, right? She gets... suspended spread eagle, and cut down the middle.”

            “Okay, but-”

            “She’s upside down.” When you winced at the mental image, Jeremy looked back at Michael, “see? Any normal person would find that disgusting-”

           “Alright,” Michael conceded, “no Terrifier. Got it.”

           If there was one thing that became apparent extremely quickly, it was that the Friday The 13th remake was fucking awful. Without Michael’s constant quips (plenty having to do with Mr.Supernatural being in the movie), you weren’t sure how you survived - especially during a sex scene until the poetic line of “you have perfect nipple placement, baby” was spoken and immediately the three of you are choking on laughter - Michael more than happy to mock it. And thank fuck for that, because you’d been uncomfortable watching the scene up until that line - to say nothing of how awkwardly silent Jeremy had gone. The moment the movie was over, Michael began to queue up Netflix with the promise of watching something actually good. The opening moments of Scream had been enough to prove that.

          From beside you, Michael lowered his voice, looking at you and Jeremy, “what’s your favorite scary movie?” 

          You playfully nudged him with your elbow, “fuck, dude, that wasn’t even a good impression-”

          “I think it was great, actually,” Michael looked to Jeremy, “don’t you agree?”

          Looking between the two of you, Jeremy debated for a moment before finally giving his answer, “I, uh, kinda have to side with [y/n]-”

          “Unbelievable. Betrayal.” Michael leaned back into the couch, looking back to the movie, “I let you come into my house, eat my snacks-”

          “-That I helped buy,” Jeremy cut in.

          “That my dear friend Jeremiah helped buy,” Michael smirked a little, “and this is how I’m repaid.”

          “C’mon, Mikey,” you nudged him once more, “Jeremy’s not gonna lie about your shitty impression.”

          “He would if I was Christine.”

          “That’s because Christine’s talented,” Jeremy looked away, “it wouldn’t have sucked if she did it.”

          For a moment, you faltered. “Yeah,” you halfheartedly said, and pretended not to catch Michael’s concerned glance at your sudden change in behavior, “he’s got a point.”

          The moment Michael went to say anything, your phone began to ding relentlessly. With the intention of turning it to silent, you pulled it from your jacket pocket only to freeze the moment you caught a glimpse of the screen. Tweet after tweet, text after text, all of it came in rapid-fire, whether they were directly to you or not. You pulled yourself off of the couch, ignoring Michael’s call after you as you head upstairs to open up your Twitter.

          Rich set a fire. Jake’s house was burned down. Rich was in the hospital, and so was Jake.

          A hand landed on your shoulder, and you almost jumped as you turned to face Michael. He stared at you for a moment, giving you a once-over before finally speaking, “you okay?”

          You shrugged it off, stumbling as you took a step back, “yeah-”

          Michael’s gaze goes soft as he picked up on the fear that was racing through your blood and shining on your face. “That’s bullshit, [y/n],” he said, “look, I won’t push you to talk, but-”

          Swallowing your nerves, you forced yourself to stand tall and get your emotions under control. “Can you drive me home?”

          He glanced back to the door, where Jeremy had been coming up the steps, “uh, yeah- just let me grab my phone-”

          And then he left you alone with Jeremy as he retreated downstairs. Biting his bottom lip nervously, he tore his eyes away from you, before finally appearing to gather some courage to speak to you. “Is everything okay?”

          You nodded quickly, “yeah, just...” You trailed off, looking down at the floor, “something came up.”

          “What?”

          Immediately, you panicked. Something about saying Rich Goranski is in the hospital and I’m worried felt too heavy to drop at the moment. So you just stayed silent as Michael came back upstairs with his phone.

          The moment you were back in the sanctuary of your room, you found your phone once more. Flipping through tweets, you felt your stomach drop further. He burned the house down because he knew he was gay and couldn’t handle that, that he was dead, that he was high and drunk, that Jake had broken both of his legs while escaping the fire, and you saw a few tweets from some pissed people about how they’d been slightly burned while escaping the fire. But Rich received the worst of it. 

          “But-” You mused aloud, “how did he - why would he-” 

          “Rich lacked the proper coping mechanism. His SQUIP was most likely disabled due to the alcohol he consumed that night,” your SQUIP stepped into existence in front of you, and you lowered your phone as you looked up at it, “and with everything else he’s been dealing with...”

          Your blood ran cold at the implication. “You don’t mean he-”

          “Perhaps it was just an accident.”

          You caught a glimpse of yourself in the mirror, completely disheveled from your worries. “I should go see him.”

          “He won’t be awake.” Your SQUIP crossed it’s arms as it looked down at you, “besides... he most likely won’t be having visitors yet.”

          “I don’t care-”

          “[y/n]. You need to rest first. You can visit Rich tomorrow...” You finally gave into what it was saying, sitting down on your bed for a moment, “besides.” You looked up, “you did well tonight. You deserve a break.”

         “I... what?”

         “I let you control the conversation. Instead of giving you the correct things to say, I decided to watch. You performed amiably. Congratulations.” Your SQUIP smiled at you, “you’re learning. Of course, we still have more work to do, but it’s progress.”

         “Oh.” You stood, stripping off your jacket, “thank you, then.” You paused for a moment, “I don’t think I’m going to be able to sleep.”

         “Don’t worry. You’ll be fine. Don’t forget,” it said, and you turned to look at it, “you have me.”

         Over the next few days, you’d been relentlessly going to the hospital - borrowing your parents’ cars whenever you could. After several days of trying, you were finally able to get in to see Rich, and your heart sank in your chest when you finally saw him. He wasn’t awake, as your SQUIP had said, but he was alive and that was enough for you in that moment. He was broken and bruised, sure, but the fact his heart monitor provided a steady beat to break the silence in the room was almost like music. You stood at his bedside, looking down on him as he slept. You hugged your arms close to your body - what would have happened to you if you had gone to the party? Would you be here, alongside or instead of Rich? Would you have been able to stop him from... whatever he had been trying to do?

         “Rich,” you finally say aloud, and your tears choke you, “fuck - Rich, I’m sorry-”

         “You have nothing to apologize for,” your SQUIP’s touch grazed your shoulder, “this wasn’t your fault. There was nothing we could have done.”

         “I should have been there, I could have stopped him-”

         “It was for the best that you were with Michael and Jeremy, [y/n].”

         For a moment, you’re quiet and afraid. But you finally asked the question that had begun to weigh down on you: “is this going to happen to me?”

         “Of course not. Now... let’s get back to work,” your SQUIP said, “it’s important you don’t dwell on this for too long. Let’s visit Jake while we’re here.”

         Going along with it’s idea, you’d easily found Jake’s room after a few minutes of searching. The TV had been on with some cooking show displayed, and you were more than glad to see Jake awake and as well as he could be for someone with two broken legs. When you cautiously walked in, he brightened up immediately - and for a moment, you had assumed it was because you weren’t a nurse coming to check on him.

         “[y/n]!” He called out as you walked in, “how are you?”

         Caught off guard by the question, you stammered for a moment, “I’m - uh, I’m fine,” you said, “how are you?”

         “Great!” He said, “I mean - the whole broken legs thing is, y’know, not that great, but I’m glad to see you.”

         “You... you are?”

         “Yeah!” He said, “Rich always talks about you, y’know.” The moment you flushed, Jake chuckled, “he said you’re a lot cooler than you seem.”

         “Oh.” You looked away for a moment, “that’s sweet of him-”

         “Do you still do the art stuff?” He asked, and immediately you looked back at him.

         “How did you know that I-”

         He cut you off, “there was this project back in freshman year that you did with Michael Mell, and, uh, Jeremy-something. You did the art for it, right?”

         Nodding, you slowly remembered the piece you’d been repressing due to how rushed it had been. “Right. Yeah, I still do art stuff,” you smiled at him, “do you know when you’re getting out?”

         “Nah,” he sunk into the bed, “shouldn’t be long, though. We should hang out!”

         “Oh. Uh. Don’t you hang out with Chloe and Brooke...?”

         “Yeah,” he admitted, “but you came to visit me, so... we should still hang.”

         You couldn’t help but smile at that. “Sure,” you said, fiddling with your hair, “that’d be great, Jake.”

         Jake reached out for you, and immediately pulled you into an awkward hug. “Fuck, dude, Rich was right about you.”

         “About me being cool, or...?”

         “He said you’re really fuckin’ nice, since you helped him out with something.” He shrugged, “are you two... not friends?”

         “I, uh - we are, sorta-”

         “Good.” He said, “Rich is a good dude to his friends, y’know.”

         “What about your house?” You asked.

         Jake’s smile fell, “I mean... I think it was an accident. Since, y’know, Rich wouldn’t just burn my house down, right?”

         You nodded. “Right.” Stepping back away from the bed, you smiled once more, “I hope you get out of here soon, Jake.”

         On your way out of the hospital, you stood in the gift shop for far too long, occupied with your own thoughts. So Rich had been talking about you - and, whatever he said aside from you being nice, helpful, and cooler than you seem, it had been enough to make Jake Dillinger think the two of you were friends. You almost smiled at the idea, but the underlying feeling that Rich would wake up and immediately ditch you lingered within the pit of your stomach. Shaking your head, you dismissed the thought as you headed out to your car. You had things to do. 

          After all, you shouldn’t dwell.

        Over a week later, there’s this uneasy feeling that’s stuck with you from the first moment you saw Rich in that hospital bed. Uncertainty? Fear? You weren’t sure - but it dwelled within the pit of your stomach, making you doubt every move no matter whether you or your SQUIP made it. You’d just gotten home from hanging out with Michael and Jeremy at the mall, your backpack swung from your shoulder to the foot of your bed, and you nearly collapse as you sit down. Slowly, you sank your head into your hands, warm against your face before you finally let go and fall back onto your bed. When you uncovered your face, your SQUIP had materialized before you.

        It leaned over you. “Is there a problem? You should be happy since you spent time with Jeremy-”

        “I am, I just-” You paused for a moment, “I just don’t feel like I’m.. me anymore.”

        “You are you, [y/n].”

        You nodded slowly in agreement, before propping yourself up on your elbows. “Right, but... I feel like you’re taking control of everything and I’m - I’m just... fake.”

        It raised a brow at the mere idea. “You’re far from artificial.”

        Chewing on the inside of your cheek, you couldn’t help but feel... off. “But you don’t let me control things-”

        With a heavy sigh, your SQUIP shook it’s head before pacing around your room. “That’s because we’re still in phase B of our plan. Once we get to phase C, you’ll have more control-”

        “And when will that be?”

        It looked back at you, slowing to a stop. “Once we pin down Jeremy’s feelings for you, you can be more yourself.”

        After a moment, you sank back against your bed, shutting your eyes for a moment. “I hope you’re right.”

        “Of course I’m right. After all, relationships are like this...”

        You opened your eyes again. “What?”

        “Faking it until you get it? Revealing yourself when you have them? It’s very common, [y/n].”

        When it said that, you couldn’t help but feel skeptical. But when you tried to remember your last relationship (or, rather, a weak attempt at one), it felt so distant that you were unsure of how it had went. Yet you nod along nonetheless. The feeling of of dread stayed with you.

        And it continued to stay attached to you like a shadow over the next few days. Even when you found yourself sitting on Michael’s bed, a pillow hugged against your chest as he and Jeremy were ecstatically talking about one of Michael’s latest finds from the guy at Spencer’s. You’d zoned out for the time being, thoughts more preoccupied with what was to come. How much longer would it be until you had control over yourself again?

        But your SQUIP’s voice jarred you from your thoughts. “We need to go.”

        As Michael pulled out a bottle of red soda, a slightly faded plastic label reading MOUNTAIN DEW RED crinkling as he did, you held back a frown at your SQUIP. “[y/n],” Michael said with a smile, holding it out, “you want one?”

        “Hell yeah, dude-” You had began as you reached for it, barely getting it within your grasp before a shock rang through your hand, a small hiss of pain emitting from you as the bottle hit the floor. “Shit, sorry, Michael-”

        But a flash of pain cut you off before you could try to explain anything away. Your voice was distant as you heard yourself speak, bullshitting some excuse as you lost control of your body - it moving on it’s own despite your desperate attempts to take back what was yours. You managed to take control back the moment you got outside, knees weak and the following shock was enough to send you crashing onto your knees.

        “What the fuck?!” You snapped, speaking aloud as another shock ran through you. “FUCK-”

        “I told you we need to leave.”

        “I didn’t want to-”

        “[y/n], we-”

        “No!” You snapped once more, “no - this is still my life - I want to-” Your speech devolved as you struggled to word your thoughts, “it was just a soda!” Another shock ran through you. “What the fuck- come on - I just- it was just-”

        And then it all made sense. The panic. The sudden change. How close had you been? How fucking close had you been? When you tried to get back up and turn yourself around, you found yourself fighting for control all over again as your body turned away from Michael’s house, every step forcing you farther and farther from salvation.

         “[y/n]!” Michael’s voice rang clear out across his front lawn, and before you could try to do anything, he was running up to you - catching you by the wrist. “Hey - what the fuck, dude? Are you okay? What just happened-”

         But he stopped, staring at you. You, completely terrified and shaking and fighting for control of your own fucking body. You were, to put it simply, a mess. Disheveled, hands twitchy, breathing labored as you forced yourself to stay planted where you were. You broke through, “get the Mountain Dew Red” slipping past your lips in a hiss before another shock of pain sparks through you, and you’re pulling yourself away from Michael once more. 

         A door slammed. Before you could go anywhere, Michael’s footsteps pound against the pavement as he tackled you to the ground. Your body fought against him. He managed to grab you by the wrists, pinning you down, his knees at your abdomen as you continued to thrash against your will against him.

         “[y/n]-” Michael began, before his nails dug into your skin, “what the literal fuck is going on?”

        Tears streamed down your cheeks as you fought for your voice. “I-” You managed to force past your lips, “I - I took this - pill,” your voice strained, and you kept fighting for control, “I thought Jeremy would like me but - but I fucked - I fucked up, Michael-” You were straight up about to breakdown, voice wavering with every forced syllable, “I’m so sorry, I just - I can’t-”

        “[y/n].” It’s voice cut clearly through your mind, almost afraid for a second. “I promise - I’ll do better for you. We’ll scrap this plan and make a new one. You just have to let me try again. I promise-” 

        The door slammed once more, and Jeremy is rushing over, questioning everything along the way.

        It turned nasty. “You’ll never be the same, [y/n],” it hissed, “think about it - if you keep me, you’ll be normal - you’ll never have to hurt again. If you get rid of me, you’ll never be accepted - you’ll be an outcast all over again, and Jeremy and Michael are guaranteed to hate you-” 

        The last things you remembered were the faintly fruity taste on your lips, a thousand questions flying around you, and an intense pain that seemed to completely split you in two as a scream tore it’s way out of you.

        And then everything went black.

[rollercoasterwrite]

Love Is So Nice.

One-shot written for Jjong’s Month .Here are the ones I wrote last year : Moon & Happy Birthday. And my other one for this year : Just For A Day. 

Au where Jonghyun is a pink-haired barista whose dream is to be a full-time illustrator. He is older than Jinki. Minho is his best friend. Jinki’s studying in business management at uni. Also, being gay is normal, no one cares. 

Plot : Jonghyun is 25 years old and has never been in a relationship. At this point, he has given up on the idea of having love in his life. Instead, he settles for having seven puppies one day. 

Pairing : Jongyu

Genre : Romance, fluff, slice of life 

Word count : 7.1 k ~

Love had always been a weird notion to Jonghyun. It had always been all around him in every shape or form, but it wasn’t something he believed in for himself. It’s not that he didn’t want it, but the stars just didn’t seem aligned to grant it to him.

He had always been weird, awkward, detached, but also too moody and sensitive to vibe with most people. He was a loner and despite despising that about himself, he didn’t know how to be anything else.

Social interactions were his bane and with the years he had just accepted that he couldn’t have the upper hand. He had tried to fake it until he made it, but he had just ended up feeling like he was putting on a show that didn’t have any substance.

He was 25 years old now and he was slowly starting to feel like maybe he could get accustomed to the idea of being with himself until his expiration date came about. Well, maybe he could get a few puppies to keep him company.

Yeah, that seemed like a good plan. He really didn’t need anybody to fill the social void that hollowed out his insides. He certainly didn’t need anyone to validate his existence, care for him, lov-

‘’ Hey, yo, Jjong! ‘’

The all too familiar voice got the pink-haired man out of his musings, making him scrunch up his nose in annoyance as the only human he could talk to for more than ten seconds came into his line of sight.  

The tall lively brunette gave him a wide smile as he stopped in front of the counter Jonghyun was behind.

‘’ What are you doing here? ‘’ Jonghyun coldly asked as he grabbed a cloth and mindlessly traced circles on the vinyl structure he had been leaning on.

‘’ Um… isn’t this a café? Like you know, a place where people can sit and enjoy a drink and food? ‘’ Minho reminded, a note of amusement lacing his tone.

‘’ Yes, this is a café. But that’s not your scene, ‘’ Jonghyun retorted. His hand stilled over the counter. ‘’ So again, what are you doing here? ‘’

‘’ Can’t I just come by to see my best friend? ‘’ Minho pointed out with pouty lips and a bat of his eyelashes.

Jonghyun’s brows furrowed over his eyes at the annoying sight and the use of the term best friend. He didn’t understand why Minho insisted to define him in that way when he had a shitload of friends.

‘’ No, you can’t, ‘’ Jonghyun deadpanned. ‘’ You actually have to buy something. ‘’

Minho shook his head as a quiet laugh cracked his previous act. ‘’ You really are heartless, Kim Jonghyun, ‘’ he settled as he looked him in the eye.

‘’ I am going to buy something, but I’m waiting for my study partner to arrive, ‘’ he then informed.

That information made the other react instantly. ‘’ Oh my god, not again. ‘’

‘’ I know what you’re thinking, Jjong, but this is for real for real, ‘’ Minho immediately reassured. ‘’ I’m not getting that economics class at all and I can’t afford to fail it if I want to stay on the soccer team, ‘’ he vouched in a way that almost convinced the older one of his honesty.

Almost.

Jonghyun had seen this scenario unfold over and over again. Minho would find someone he liked in one of his classes, whether it be a man or a woman, would get them to study with him, usually in his dorm room, before ending the session with a late-night encounter between the sheets.

That ploy worked 100% of the time and Jonghyun had no trouble understanding why. Minho was probably one of the most attractive people he had seen in his life and compared to him, he was at the opposite side of the spectrum of social ease. He could get anyone comfortable with his charm and dashing smile.

Despite Jonghyun never openly agreeing to the self-coined term Minho used to describe this ability, he did believe he had this flaming charisma. And to be completely honest, Jonghyun was jealous of it. Maybe Minho didn’t really experience love, but at least he was getting some.

‘’ But why here this time? ‘’ Jonghyun couldn’t help but ask.

His question was answered with a roll of the eyes. ‘’ Weren’t you listening? ‘’ Minho reproved. ‘’ I really need to focus this time, so I thought it might help to not have my bed only a few meters away. ‘’

Jonghyun still had his doubts about the whole situation, but he let them slide. His friend’s conquests weren’t any of his business anyways.

‘’ Fine, ‘’ Jonghyun acknowledged before giving a look around his workplace.

His expression twisted in pure disgust as his eyes caught the same couple he had glanced at an hour earlier. Their sappy displays of affection hadn’t relented, making his desire to kick them out even stronger.

Minho followed his gaze and laughed. ‘’ Jjong, you really need to put yourself out there instead of hating on every lovebird you see, ‘’ he pointed out.

Jonghyun gave him a death stare. ‘’ I wouldn’t hate on them if they weren’t being so gross in public. There are other places to do that, ‘’ he sharply argued.

The brunette’s shoulders shook with laughter again. Before Jonghyun could even realize, he brought a hand to his hair and ruffled it affectionately. ‘’ Lighten up, Jjongie. ‘’

The older one all but huffed before the sound of the door opening caught his attention. Before he could bring himself to greet the newly arrived customer, Minho straightened up and charged towards him.

‘’ Jinki! ‘’ Was the name he heard the latter say before he trapped the smaller one into a hug. Jonghyun almost snorted when he caught the discomfort on the other’s face. Minho had never really known boundaries; he always acted on impulse.

‘’ Come on, I want to introduce you to someone first, ‘’ Minho indicated as he gestured for the other to follow him.

Jonghyun felt himself panic, but that feeling was cut short by his friend’s never-ending forwardness.

‘’ Jinki, this is my best friend, Jonghyun, ‘’ Minho filled in with a prideful smile.

‘’ Nice to meet you, Jonghyun, ‘’ Jinki said with a quick bow of the head before he flashed a smile of his own.

Jonghyun’s heart flipped inside his chest at the sight of it. He had never seen a smile so bright, so warm.

If it weren’t for the sound of Minho clearing his throat, Jonghyun probably would’ve stayed stuck in his stance for an embarrassingly long time.

‘’ Nice to meet you too, Jinki, ‘’ Jonghyun echoed as the cogs of his mind began moving again.

They held each other’s gazes silently for a few more seconds before Jonghyun remembered what his purpose was. He quickly bent down behind the counter and sprung back up with two menus in hand.

‘’ Here you go, ‘’ he quickly said before he turned the other way to make sure everything was in its right place.

He naturally eavesdropped on their conversation as he moved this and that around and pretended to wash a few cups that didn’t really need washing. It might’ve been only five minutes before Minho called him again, but that short lapse of time was enough for him to figure out that this study session might not just end with his friend getting a better mark.

‘’ I’ll take an iced black coffee and a blueberry muffin, Jjongie, ‘’ Minho indicated before turning towards the other brunette.

‘’ Oh, and I’ll have a macchiato with an almond croissant, please, ‘’ Jinki said with another warm smile.

‘’ Yes, sure. You guys can settle at a table, it’ll be ready in a few, ‘’ Jonghyun quickly uttered as he tried to ignore the acrobatics that his heart was doing again.

He almost sighed in relief as they finally moved farther away from him. He got to working on their orders, trying to keep his mind blank. But he found it harder than expected when the sound of his friend’s familiar laughter brought along with it a warm and full laugh, one that almost made him overfill the cup he was holding.

He caught himself just in time, silently cursing himself for his lapse in focus. What the fuck is wrong with me? He mused as a scowl darkened his features. Without the inkling of an answer forming in his mind, he gathered himself to get all the items on a tray and turned around again.

He was grateful that his grip on the tray was tight, because when his eyes caught chocolate ones again, he felt weak in the knees.

                                                     ***

A few days passed and Jonghyun still held on solidly to his future plan of living with seven puppies (he had finally settled on a number). He had even started visualizing the house they would live in and was now thinking about the names he could give them. He had already decided on the first one and even knew what breed he wanted her to be. For whatever reason, she had to be a her and a dachshund.

The thought of it brought a small smile to his face as he poured some coffee in a to-go cup. The café was about to close and he couldn’t wait to settle comfortably on his bed to do some drawing. He had gotten behind on some commissions and needed to catch up.

Just as he was covering the carton cup with a plastic lid, the door opened, making him jump slightly. Before he could even think about being annoyed by the last-minute intrusion, an expression of surprise crossed his features as his eyes met the person who had just come in.

‘’ Good evening, Jonghyun, ‘’ Jinki timidly said as he hid his hands in his jeans’ pockets.

Jonghyun’s brows furrowed between his eyes in confusion. ‘’ Good evening… ‘’ he slowly replied.

‘’ I know it’s late and you were probably about to close, but I have to stay up to catch up on my studying, so if it’s okay, I’d really love to have a coffee to go. ‘’

The other’s fast-paced explanation took a few seconds to register in Jonghyun’s mind. When it did, he slowly nodded.

‘’ Can you just flip the sign outside for me so no one else comes in? ‘’

His request was heeded on the spot and soon he found himself looking into those rich brown eyes again.

‘’ So what would you like? ‘’ he instantly asked, already thinking of the relief he’d feel when he’d find himself alone again.

If it were any other customer, it wouldn’t have been such bother, but this was his friend’s… study partner, if there was any truth in what Minho had told him. Plus, he hadn’t forgotten about how unsettled he had felt when he had first met him.

‘’ Just a plain dark roast coffee, ‘’ Jinki naturally replied, his fingers tapping lightly on the countertop.

‘’ Okay, ‘’ Jonghyun acknowledged. ‘’ It won’t be long, ‘’ he indicated before giving his usual courtesy smile.

He got the machine going again and let it do its magic before turning around to pull out another carton cup and plastic lid. He felt overly conscious of his every move like it was usually the case when another human being was near him, but for some reason, it felt even worse now. He kept facing the other way until the coffee was ready.

A few seconds later, he was presenting the brunette with a freshly brewed coffee to go. ‘’ Here you go. Have a nice evening, ‘’ he quickly uttered.

His heart jumped inside his chest when the other’s fingers brushed against his to grab the cup. Jonghyun’s eyes widened at the feeling, making him turn around immediately.

‘’ Thank you, Jonghyun, ‘’ Jinki expressed in a soft tone.

Jonghyun didn’t say anything else, too afraid to embarrass himself even more.

He finally heard footsteps heading the other way and when the door finally closed on itself again, he released a long sigh.

He didn’t know what was going on, but he really hoped this was the end of it.

                                                      ***

A few days passed without any other disturbing encounters and Jonghyun was more than happy about it. He had figured out the perfect life for himself and didn’t need anything or anyone to start messing with that in any shape or form.

Jonghyun knew himself. His heart barely needed a spark to create a full-blown fire. The last time that had happened, extinguishing the flames had been almost a never-ending task and from that moment on, he had promised himself he would never go through that again.

Fires were too dangerous and he was no firefighter.

He was only another young man trying to make his dreams come true by working in a café to support himself until his side gig could become his main thing. That was his path towards happiness. And a life full of puppies of course.

He headed towards another afternoon shift with that certainty in mind, a smile dancing on his lips.

But his smile fell as soon as he entered the café and caught a certain someone’s presence. Jonghyun headed straight towards the back, quickly greeting his colleague, before rushing to hide in the employees’ room.

Panic rose inside him as he thought of having to face the other again.

What is he even doing here?

Okay, Jjong, calm down. This is a café, he can come by for a drink.

But why here?

Maybe he’s meeting Minho here again…

Yeah, that’s it.

Calming himself down with that thought, he changed into his black uniform and finally stepped out to settle behind the counter. He immediately initiated small talk with his younger colleague to distract himself. The other went on about his day and Jonghyun tried really hard to pay attention, but it was practically impossible as he felt a gaze on him.

He didn’t dare look back, but there was no doubt in his mind whose gaze it was.

He prayed for Minho to step in and steal the show, but his arrival never occurred. An hour passed during which Jonghyun and his colleague had enough customers to distract themselves for a bit, but not enough that Jonghyun couldn’t catch the glances that were thrown his way a few tables away from where he was.

Soon after, his colleague’s shift ended and the traffic slowed down drastically, leaving him to panic again. He dared give a look towards his table and found him looking at his laptop’s screen, brows furrowed in deep concentration. The sight had Jonghyun captivated despite himself.

He suddenly wondered what this man’s story was. His passions, his dreams, his fears… Before snapping himself back to attention with a slight shake of the head.

No. I don’t need to know that.

What he did need to know was why this man had decided to come study here if he wasn’t meeting up with Minho. His mind kept running with the question on a track that seemed to have no end, making frustration grow inside him more and more.

Fortunately for him, the door opened just as he was about to lose his mind. His face lit up with joy as Minho stepped in.

‘’ You’ve never looked so happy to see me before, ‘’ the younger one bantered as he stopped in front of him.

Jonghyun immediately toned it down a notch, retrieving his more neutral expression. ‘’ I’m just relieved you didn’t stand up your study partner, ‘’ he casually noted.

Minho’s eyes widened. ‘’ Eh? ‘’

Jonghyun frowned. ‘’ Jinki’s been here for a few hours now. Weren’t you meeting up with him? ‘’

The same surprised expression stayed stuck on the other’s face before he turned around.

Jonghyun followed his gaze, but immediately brought it back towards the counter when Jinki looked their way.

‘’ Ah, Minho, glad to see you, ‘’ Jinki warmly greeted.

‘’ Same here, Jinki, ‘’ Minho reciprocated with a smile before turning back again. 

‘’ We had no plans to study together, Jjongie, ‘’ he then told him as he crossed his arms on the counter.

Jonghyun frowned again when a mischievous smile crossed the other’s lips.

‘’ Why are you smiling like that? ‘’

‘’ Just because, ‘’ Minho shrugged before giving a quick look behind him again. ‘’ I guess Jinki really likes this place, huh? ‘’

‘’ He’s only been here three times, ‘’ Jonghyun retorted.

‘’ He came here another time? ‘’ The younger one all but yelled as his eyes doubled in size again.

The death stare Jonghyun gave him made him calm down. In a hushed voice, he said, ‘’ Jinki doesn’t even live in the area. He’s a rich kid, Jjong. ‘’

Jonghyun blinked a few times, his mind paralyzed from the new input.

Minho’s chuckle snapped him out of it. ‘’ That’s why he didn’t fall for my irresistible charm… You caught his attention. ‘’

The satisfied smile Minho was sporting as he looked at him made him want to punch him in the face.

‘’ Stop being ridiculous, Minho, ‘’ Jonghyun scowled.

‘’ Tell me that again when he gets into your pants, ‘’ Minho teased, wiggling his brows.

Jonghyun felt his face heat up at the gross thought. ‘’ Could you please shut up, Minho? ‘’

His words came out in a snarl as anger stepped in to shield him from the other emotions that were menacing to overwhelm him.

But Minho didn’t relent. ‘’ You’d be in luck, Jjongie. From what I could see, he’s packing good stuff down there. ‘’

Jonghyun turned the other way as he felt his ears burn. The other’s smug laughter only added salt to the wound, making him now wish his friend could disappear.

‘’ He’s cute, Jjongie… Very cute, ‘’ Minho said, a slight purr lacing his voice. ‘’ When he does come on to you, please don’t be jerk, ‘’ he then advised.

Jonghyun immediately turned back around at that. ‘’ Even if what you’re saying holds any truth, who says I’m interested? ‘’

A boisterous laugh left the other. ‘’ Oh my god, Jjong, please… ‘’

The older one’s jaw clenched. He didn’t know what was so funny, but he certainly wasn’t laughing. Maybe when Minho would finally shut his trap, would he tell him about his wonderful life plan, so they would never have another conversation like that again.

‘’ I’m happy for you Jjongie, I really am, ‘’ Minho voiced in a softer tone as he wiped away the tears that had pearled at the corners of his eyes.

‘’ There’s nothing to be happy about, ‘’ Jonghyun shot back before pointing to the door.

‘’ Can you please leave now? ‘’ he urged as his patience level reached under 0.

‘’ Of course, sweetheart, ‘’ Minho said a little too loudly to Jonghyun’s liking before he leaned closer to him and pressed a kiss to his cheek.

Jonghyun completely froze, dumbfounded by his friend’s action. He stared at him in horror when he finally pulled away.

‘’ What the fuck, Minho? ‘’ he raged under his breath.

The latter grinned. ‘’ See you later, Jjongie, ‘’ he replied with a wink.

Before Jonghyun could pull out an answer out of him, the tall brunette strode towards the door and left.

After a few minutes of staring in anger at the door, Jonghyun finally recovered his wits and remembered where he was and how he was supposed to act. He grabbed a cloth again and cleaned the spot on the counter that Minho had leaned on before giving a quick look around.

He felt his face get warm again when he found dark eyes looking right at him.

                                                   ***

It was pouring like crazy outside and Jonghyun was counting down the minutes until he could get back home. No one had stepped into the café in hours and he was pretty sure no one would for the rest of the day.

Boredom was driving him crazy and the last cup of coffee he had just taken did nothing to alleviate his sleepiness. He had spent the whole night up working on drawings before having to come here to open the shop.

He was working solo from opening to closing since he was the only employee who didn't have academic constraints. He didn't mind it though; he had always preferred working alone.

Nonetheless, his brain still needed a little stimulation. Staring out the shop's window at the rain pouring had had its charm for a few minutes, but his mind had quickly asked for more.

It had started asking questions and going down certain paths, but Jonghyun had shut them down immediately.

His fingers were now itching to hold a pencil and draw, but he was scared that the moment he acted on his desire, a customer would walk in.

He let another fifteen minutes go by before finally giving in. He rushed to the back and came back with a notepad and a pencil. He naturally started drawing a dachshund because his obsession had just grown even stronger over the past few days. He knew he had to get one soon to make sure he’d stay on the right track. He smiled as he stared back at the puppy he had brought to life just from the touch of his pencil on a paper.

He then looked at the clock and scrunched up his nose. Only 10 more minutes had gone by. He gave a quick look to the door again before he flipped the page to start over on a new one. This time he just let his hand direct the pencil whichever way it wanted to go.

He found himself outlining someone’s face and got excited at the idea of having a new original character to work with. He operated fast, keeping his mind out of the process, every stroke of his pencil bringing him closer to a new life, to a new story to add to his imaginary world.

But when he stared back at the final product, his excitement totally dropped and in its place, fear rose fiercely inside him. Without thinking, he ripped the drawing apart in as many pieces as he could before throwing them out in the bin behind him.

Jonghyun stepped back away from it, still shaken by what had just happened. He closed his eyes to regain his composure, but the sound of the door suddenly opening put him on edge again. He turned back around only to have his heart leap inside his chest as he stared wide-eyed at the one who had just entered.

A soaked-looking Jinki shook off some water from his hands before stepping in further.

‘’ It’s open, right? ‘’ He asked with a worried look as he glimpsed around.

Jonghyun could only nod, shaken to the bone by the sudden overlap between his mind’s work and reality.

While he just stood there, the other moved forward until the counter became the only thing separating them.

‘’ I really need something warm right now, ‘’ he softly said before his face lit up with yet another big smile.

The pink-haired barista instantly grew hot in the face and shied away to keep himself safe.

‘’ You can sit… I’ll bring you the menu, ‘’ he managed to say despite the turmoil racking his body.

‘’ No need for that, I know what I want. ‘’

The instant reply had Jonghyun look his way again, a hint of surprise glinting in his eyes.

‘’ Oh, okay… ‘’

Jonghyun felt his chest and throat tighten as the brunette didn’t follow with any words, but instead gave him an intent look.

‘’ So… what can I get you? ‘’ he went on, his words tumbling out of his mouth with an uneasiness that just made him feel ten times worse.

‘’ I’d like a black coffee… ‘’ Jinki slowly said.

‘’ Okay sure, I-

‘’ And a date with you, ‘’ the brunette quickly added.

Jonghyun’s mouth fell open as his eyes widened in disbelief. If it wasn’t for the dark blush that instantly stained the other’s cheeks, he would’ve been sure his mind was playing tricks on him.

‘’ E-excuse me? ‘’ he blurted out nonetheless.

Jinki seemed to recoil into himself, but he still answered.

‘’ I'm sorry for being so forward, but after I saw you and Minho together I thought that I shouldn't lose my chance. ‘’

Jonghyun's brows furrowed at that. ‘’ Minho? He's just-

‘’ A friend. I know, I made sure of that, ‘’ Jinki swiftly cut in.

Jonghyun's mouth shut close as his brain imploded from all the other had just said.

‘’ Is that too creepy? ‘’ Jinki picked up as he watched the other's terrified expression with worry.

Jonghyun couldn't really say anything to that when he had just caught himself drawing his face on instinct.

‘’ I... It's just... ‘’ Jonghyun took in a sharp inhale, closing his eyes for a second.

‘’ I don't understand. ‘’

The words rang heavily in the air, leaving a few seconds of silence behind them.

‘’ What don't you understand? ‘’ 

The question came out of the brunette carefully, quietly.

Jonghyun's answer was much more assured. ‘’ Why not Minho? ‘’

Jinki's face lit up with surprise before it darkened with a frown.

‘’ He's not my type. ‘’

Jonghyun's shoulders relaxed unbeknownst to him, but his mind remained doubtful.

‘’ This doesn't make any sense... ‘’ He dismissed with a shake of his head.

‘’ You don't know me. So how can I be your type? ‘’

The words fell from his mouth sharply, making Jinki look back at him with shame, finally tearing his gaze away when his expression grew even more serious. 

‘’ I don't know what to say... ‘’ Jinki shyly admitted as he stared down at the counter.

Jonghyun felt a hybrid sense of satisfaction and sadness swell in his chest at the admission.

‘’ Maybe it's something as shallow as physical or sexual attraction, but to be honest, I really feel like it's more than that, ‘’ Jinki suddenly shared as he seemed to emerge from a deep train of thought.

‘’ I feel like if we got to know each other, we could... ‘’

Jonghyun felt his heart race at the sight of the brunette blushing again.

‘’ We could what? ‘’ he pressed as he forgot himself.

Jonghyun caught the slight waver that troubled the other's gaze, making him even more impatient.

‘’ We could fall in love. ‘’

                                                      ***

Love had always been a weird notion to Jonghyun. So weird that when the opportunity to experience it had knocked on his door, he almost hadn't answered.

Staying in with his imaginary precious puppies seemed like a far better and safe plan, but what Jonghyun realized was that love didn't just knock once and leave if ignored. It did whatever it took to get the attention it deserved.

Jonghyun finally gave in to the idea of considering their regular interactions as being something more than two people being polite with each other when Jinki held his hand one night after they came out of a movie theater. 

The acrobatics his heart did at that moment made him sure his final minutes were upon him before he realized his heart only seemed to go crazy like that when he was around Jinki.

The feeling scared the shit out of him, but the patience and care the other deployed towards him comforted him enough not to skip town and hide away forever.

It was another few weeks before Jonghyun's heart condition worsened. He literally felt it burst inside his chest when Jinki first kissed him on the doorstep of his mother's house. The only thing that saved him from not collapsing to the floor was Jinki's strong hold around his waist.

That same night, Jonghyun decided that his heart wouldn't have enough space for seven puppies and a full-grown man. 

One puppy and a full-grown man would do just fine.

That plan settled well within him until they had their first fight two weeks later. It was a misunderstanding about one of Jinki’s acquaintances, but before it could be cleared up, Jonghyun experienced the horrible pain of feeling his heart break in a million pieces. It took a while for it to hold together again, but with extra communication (which didn’t come to Jonghyun easy), reassuring kisses and time, it did.

And it changed. Jonghyun found himself being much more vulnerable and open which only made their connection deeper. In the process, he felt himself become more soft, needy and clingy around the other until he couldn’t get enough of the few hours they spent with each other almost every day.

One night, Jonghyun found himself asking the other to stay the night. It was his first time asking anyone to stay over.

‘’ Are you sure? ‘’ Jinki softly asked as he rubbed circles with his thumb over the other’s wrist.

They were standing in front of Jonghyun’s house again after an evening out to a restaurant and a follow-up at a small local bar.

Jonghyun had only had one drink, but still, he found himself blaming the alcohol for the words that left his mouth afterwards.

‘’ Yes, I think I’m ready. ‘’

He blushed furiously as Jinki’s eyes widened in shock. ‘’ You mean… ‘’

‘’ I don’t know… I just… I want you to stay, ‘’ Jonghyun sputtered as he fumbled with his own embarrassment.

‘’ Isn’t your family inside, I mean… ‘’

‘’ No, ‘’ Jonghyun quickly filled in. ‘’ My mom and sister went to visit family. ‘’

Jinki’s face relaxed before lighting up with a sweet smile. ‘’ I’ll gladly stay, baby. ‘’

Jonghyun felt his stupid, weak heart flip at the pet name. Before he could think more about it, he pulled the other inside and closed the door behind them.

That night Jonghyun finally let love inside. It spread through him like wildfire as it reached deep within him, making his heart stop momentarily before it exploded behind his eyes.

When he looked into Jinki’s eyes, he could see that his heart had exploded too.

                                                     ***

‘’ Hellooo! ‘’

Jonghyun abruptly came out of the daze he had inadvertently been plunged into only to see Minho’s lips curl into a wicked grin.

‘’ I know that face. ‘’

‘’ Huh? ‘’ Jonghyun let out, dumbfounded.

Minho chuckled. ‘’ Jinki took your innocence, huh? ‘’

Jonghyun’s eyes widened before he felt heat flush his face, making him look away and grab a cloth again.

‘’ I don’t know what you are talking about, ‘’ he feigned as his hand moved in a circular motion over the vinyl counter.

The other snickered at that before leaning as close as he could from the other side of the counter. ‘’ So…’’ He all but purred. ‘’ Was I right? Is he packing good stuff? ‘’

Jonghyun glared at his friend’s malicious grin, very tempted to wipe it off his smug face, but too discomforted by his body’s reaction to the question to actually go through with it. Plus, he was at work, so he had to stay professional.

‘’ That’s none of your fucking business, ‘’ he simply retorted.

‘’ Oh come on, Jjong. I tell you everything, ‘’ Minho wildly protested as Jonghyun turned the other way to sort out some utensils.

‘’ That’s your problem, not mine, ‘’ he curtly dismissed.

There was a pause, but Jonghyun knew better than to turn back around. That’s exactly what the other wanted.

‘’ So it’s like that, huh? ‘’ Minho finally said, his tone heavy with frustration. ‘’ Fine. I can leave. ‘’

Jonghyun rolled his eyes at the other’s childish antics before giving in to his pathetic threat.

‘’ Stop asking me stupid questions and I’ll stop ignoring you, ‘’ he indicated as if it were the most basic principle in the world.

Minho snorted. ‘’ You should be extra nice to me. I’m the reason you met Jinki, ‘’ he reminded.

‘’ How could I ever forget? ‘’ Jonghyun returned, exasperation clear in his voice. ‘’ You keep reminding us every chance you get.

‘’ Do you want a medal or something? ‘’ he then added when he saw Minho’s expectant look.

His grumpiness quickly subsided when his friend’s expression suddenly became sullen.

‘’ No, I don’t want a medal, Jjong, ‘’ the tall brunette squarely replied. ‘’ What I want is for things to stay the same between us, ‘’ he then shared before his lips tightened into a grim line.

Brows furrowed, Jonghyun immediately asked, ‘’ What do you mean? ‘’

‘’ I barely see you anymore, Jjongie, ‘’ Minho answered in the quietest voice Jonghyun had ever heard from him.

That made his stomach knot with guilt. ‘’ I’m sorry, Minho… I just-

‘’ You’re in love, ‘’ Minho completed in his stead as the hint of a smile tugged at the corners of his lips.

‘’ And I’m so happy for you, I really am, ‘’ he went on to clear up the cloud of guilt he could see in his friend’s eyes.

‘’ Just don’t forget about your old pal Minho, ‘’ he finished, his smile still elusive.

‘’ I would never, ‘’ Jonghyun dismissed in a heartbeat, a little hurt that the other would ever think that. But he couldn’t blame him, he knew how he could be. That could only help remind him that he could do a better job at showing Minho how much he meant to him.

Minho’s face finally brightened into a real smile. ‘’ Great, ‘’ he acknowledged before going on excitedly.

‘’ When are you getting off, we could do something if you want… ‘’

Jonghyun offered him an apologetic look. ‘’ Um… Jinki’s supposed to come by later… ‘’

‘’ But we can do something this weekend. Whatever you want, ‘’ the pink-haired young man quickly proposed as he caught the immediate slump of the other’s shoulders.

That seemed enough to stop the wave of disappointment that had menaced to wash over the brunette.

‘’ Yaaay, ‘’ he cheered before laughing softly.

‘’ I’ll let you be then, I should actually be studying, ‘’ he then indicated, scrunching up his nose in disgust.

Jonghyun couldn’t help but laugh at that. ‘’ Yes, you should, ‘’ he encouraged. ‘’ Got any new study partners? ‘’

His teasing tone had Minho pouting. ‘’ No. I’m done with that. ‘’

Jonghyun brought a hand over his mouth as he laughed again. ‘’ Okay, if you say so, ‘’ he managed to utter once he settled a bit.

With a huff, the brunette said, ‘’ That’s my cue to leave. See you later, Jjong, ‘’ he added as his face relaxed into another smile.

Jonghyun smiled back. ‘’ See you soon, ‘’ he echoed before the other turned on his heel, walked towards the door and left.

For a few seconds, Jonghyun just stayed there, letting himself appreciate the fact that he was truly lucky to have such a friend in his life.

His eyes then travelled upwards to the clock before him as the image of another man he loved very much flashed in his mind. Excitement instantly tingled in his stomach as he realized that in less than two hours, he’d be able to see him again.

                                                      ***

Jonghyun didn’t think he had ever seen something more beautiful than Jinki’s smile. His heart always stopped whenever he witnessed it and right now was no exception. As the handsome brunette walked up to him with a grin that reached his eyes, he truly prayed that his heart would remember how to work.

Fortunately, he didn’t die in the seconds that followed even when Jinki wrapped his arms around his small waist.

‘’ How was work, baby? ‘’ Jinki softly asked, smile still dancing on his lips.

‘’ It was okay… I missed you, ‘’ Jonghyun immediately shared as he wrapped his arms around his neck.

‘’ I missed you too… a lot, ‘’ Jinki said as he pulled the smaller one a little closer.

A quiet gasp left Jonghyun as Jinki claimed his lips. He sighed at the softness of the other’s lips and the tightening hold around him before a moan tore from his throat when Jinki’s tongue found its way into the warmth of his mouth to meet his. One of his hands instinctively went to the back of the taller one’s neck as the kiss deepened.

Jonghyun didn’t even mind that they were in front of his workplace, not when he was finally getting what he had been craving for the past two days. Closeness.

He didn’t let go of him even when they had to pull away from the kiss to catch their breaths.

‘’ What do you want to do? ‘’ he quietly asked in the small space left between them, his chest slightly heaving.  

‘’ Whatever you want to do, ‘’ Jinki instantly replied, a sweet smile cracking his lips again.

Jonghyun averted his gaze as he felt himself blush. ‘’ I didn’t think of anything… ‘’

A soft laugh shook Jinki’s shoulders. ‘’ It’s okay, we can just walk a bit, it’s a beautiful evening. ‘’

Jonghyun nodded and a second later, they were walking side by side, their hands naturally finding each other's.

A comfortable silence settled between them, the fresh breeze of the fading day softly brushing over their skins as they basked in the simplicity of the moment.

An overwhelming sense of happiness took over the smaller one's body as he realized how perfect this moment was.

Under the darkening blue canvas that was the sky, adorned with accents of orange and pink, he was just a drop of life that had against all odds found his match amidst the ocean that was the billions of people on this planet.

The thought had a crooked smile tugging at the corners of his lips, his gaze mindlessly following the movement of his feet.

‘’ What are you smiling at? ‘’

The sudden inquiry made his heart jump inside his chest before he gave a look to his left. Meeting chocolate eyes, he said, ‘’ Nothing, I’m just… happy, ‘’ he pinpointed before a bashful smile swept across his lips.  

‘’ I hope I have something to do with that, ‘’ Jinki teased with a wiggle of his eyebrows.  

A soft laugh tumbled out of Jonghyun’s mouth. ‘’ You have everything to do with it, ‘’ he confirmed as he squeezed the other’s hand tighter.

The brunette grinned. ‘’ Same goes for me, Jjongie. ‘’

They kept on walking for a while, sharing smiles every few seconds, before the brunette brought them to a halt.

‘’ Oh, Jjongie, look, ‘’ he said as he pointed to the other side of the street.

The older one followed his gaze instantly. Embarrassment tightened his chest as he recognized the place.

‘’ Why would you even mention that? ‘’ Jonghyun reproached with a slight pout.

‘’ How could I not? ‘’ Jinki countered with a chuckle. ‘’ It’s where we had our first date. ‘’

Jonghyun snorted. ‘’ You called that a date? ‘’

‘’ Yeah, definitely, ‘’ Jinki answered on the spot. ‘’ After that, I knew I wanted to spend as much time as I could with you. ‘’

A furious blush colored the other’s cheeks as heat pulsed through his body. ‘’ Stop saying ridiculous things… ‘’

‘’ I’m not, ‘’ Jinki argued with a fond smile. ‘’ You were blushing a lot too that night and you were so damn cute, it was hard not to kiss you, ‘’ he reminisced as he brought his free hand up to caress Jonghyun’s cheek.

The latter’s lashes fluttered against his soft touch as he tried to calm the wild reaction of his heart.

‘’ I was a mess, ‘’ he persisted as he remembered how awkward he had been. That whole night had just been a stressful nightmare and he had been sure at that moment that the brunette would never want to see him again.

‘’ You were the most adorable mess then, ‘’ Jinki settled before planting a kiss on his pink shock of hair.  

‘’ Whatever, ‘’ Jonghyun brushed off, still battling with embarrassment.

Laughing a soft, breathy laugh, Jinki said, ‘’ We can always have a do-over if you want. It’s right there. ‘’

Jonghyun scrunched up his nose in disgust. ‘’ I’d rather not. They don’t even have good rum. ‘’

‘’ Oh right, ‘’ Jinki instantly recalled. ‘’ Yeah, let’s find some other place. ‘’

‘’ How about we go to your place? ‘’ Jonghyun proposed, his voice low.

‘’ Do you have anything in mind? ‘’ Jinki inquired not without a hint of mischievousness.

‘’ No… ‘’ Jonghyun’s voice trailed as he leaned a little closer, lips almost brushing the other’s ear. ‘’ Just wanna be alone with you. ‘’

He glanced on the slow bob of the taller one’s Adam’s apple as he pulled back a bit, the sight making his stomach flutter.

‘’ That sounds perfect, ‘’ Jinki settled with a slight strain of urgency in his voice.

The next second he was leading them the other way, almost dragging the smaller one into a fast walk as if they were going to be late somewhere.

Jonghyun fought back a laugh at the other’s eagerness. ‘’ There really is no rush. ‘’

‘’ Hmm, I will have to disagree with you on that one, ‘’ Jinki replied, eyes set straight ahead.

Jonghyun now couldn’t help breaking into laughter at his boyfriend’s serious expression. The latter looked his way and a second later, his face relaxed into a smile.

‘’ I’m glad I was right, ‘’ Jinki pondered out loud.

‘’ Hmm? ‘’ Jonghyun hummed as a cute frown creased his brow.

‘’ About us, ‘’ the brunette shared. ‘’ Being with you … feels amazing, ‘’ he went on, his dark eyes locking with paler ones.  

Jonghyun felt himself blush again. ‘’ I’m glad you were right too, ‘’ he said, his voice all but a whisper.  

Jinki’s smile made him smile again before they both looked ahead, minds basking in the promise of another lovely evening together.

Jonghyun couldn’t help but think that love was still weird, love was still scary, but being with Jinki made all of that pale in comparison to what love felt to him right now.

It just felt…

So nice.

 ***************************************************************************************************************************

AFF   AO3

[gaslightgatekeepgodot]

A (sizeable) rant/essay concerning my experiences in the Tumblr JJBA fandom.

None of you asked to hear this, but I’m getting pretty pissed off at some people in particular (I will not name names, though I may heavily implicate some people) and it’s finally started to kinda spill over. So I’m letting it spill; take it or leave it.

I’m... Fairly irate at the moment, and writing out my feelings does tend to help me calm down in situations like this, so if I was going to put this anywhere the best place for it is probably on the public internet. Again, take it or leave it: this is the internet, you don’t have to interact with me if this concerns you or your ideals. Just click that handy little block button on my profile and you never have to see little Nat mouthing off again.

If you want me to summarise (I know not everyone wants/is able to read a fluffed-up pillar of text) or explain my reasoning behind anything I’ve said below the cut, feel free to direct message me here or on Discord @nati bati yi#1462. Once I get this off my chest I’ll be more than willing to chat to people about it. <3

(Before I say anything else, this is not intended to be a callout in any way, shape or form. I don’t mention the specific names of anybody, and the actions I do mention here will only point to specific people if you know them too. Anyone on the outside should have zero idea of who anyone I bring up is; I do not want anyone to get harassed over this, and I very much do not want to start drama - that’s what inspired me to go off and write this hunk of garbage in the first place. I’m just... Sick to death of the fandom as a whole.)

Anyway. Here we go.

From what I’ve been able to tell, being in this fandom for just under a year now, there are two main halves to it: the gay-hating, stale-meme-parroting dudebro side, who seem to mostly congregate around YouTube and Reddit, and... Whatever the side based on Tumblr (and probably now Twitter) is. I don’t spend a lot of time on Reddit, so naturally I’ve been more exposed to the Tumblr side of the fandom, and after experiencing the ideals some people here want to force on other people I’ve come to the conclusion I’d almost rather be immersed in the bigoted dudebro side. And I say this as an ace-spec/gay trans man.

I’ll start with the blocklist.

I think most of us on Tumblr came to the conclusion that the blocklist was utter bullshit, but I did see a few people in a Discord server I have since left (I will expand on this later) defending the reasoning behind some ships being on there, citing the fact they had been abused in a relationship with a similar age gap. I can definitely see why that would bother a person, and I do not want to erase the fact that people have been and will be abused in similar relationships, but you can’t project your singular experience onto every fictional, non-canon character relationship and every person who ships it. For one, not every relationship is going to turn out the same just because it meets this one criteria of “the age gap is too big”, and, also, you don’t have to write fiction to totally reflect reality. You are in full creative control. Maybe if the characters were real people they wouldn’t click, but if you’re drawing a picture or writing a fanfic you don’t have to go along with that. You can write them so that they’re good to each other, while still keeping it in character. Araki has said that Jotaro and Kakyoin’s personalities don’t work together very well, and that they wouldn’t have become friends or even spoken to each other if Jotaro wasn’t a Stand user... But Jotaro/Kakyoin just happens to be the most-written about JJBA ship on AO3. Me? I love Jotakak. It’s about the only thing I do ship. And I’ve read some quite frankly amazing fanfiction where the two boys are paired and they work together, and it’s still very much in character. Of course, I’m very much against loli/shota content or content depicting characters who don’t look very old- if someone drew Koichi in a sexual situation I would be pissed as all hell, but I don’t have to engage with that content any further. I can just filter out the tag/block the OP and move on. You don’t need to make a fuss and tell/imply to people that they are paedophilic for enjoying well-written content where a 17-year-old is in a healthy relationship with a 22-year-old, platonic or otherwise.

My second point brings in some of the things I’ve learned while studying media this past year. My main point here: not everyone in an audience is the same. There is a reason differential decoding and the uses and gratifications theory exist. The uses and gratifications theory states, at its most basic, that the audience of a media text is active, not passive; i.e. they are not just absorbing every piece of data thrown at them by the text they are consuming, and they are consuming different media to satisfy a need- for JJBA, that need could be entertainment, escapism, identifying with a character similar to yourself or to give you something to talk about with your friends. Differential decoding arises when someone consuming a piece of the media does not entirely go along with the creator’s preferred reading of it- an example might be how a sizeable amount of people enjoy villainous or “disgusting” characters such as Dio, Cioccolata, Stroheim or Melone, when they were clearly written in canon to be abhorrent, unlikable people for varying reasons. I can also say that, because the audience is active, and consume media based on their personal needs, that somebody writing fanfic of a ship you don’t like isn’t going to make incest or paedophilia more socially acceptable. I don’t consume that content, because I don’t feel the need to. Sure, real paedos might, but they’re a minority. Just because a couple hundred people or so read a fanfic on the free web where a grown adult does the dirty with a little kid, doesn’t mean to say everyone in the world will suddenly start thinking it’s ok. Mention it to any sane person in real life and they will not like that idea any more than you do.

And my third point is more a personal thing than anything else, but there is a community I used to be part of (and was part of almost from the beginning) where I didn’t feel welcome because of people causing drama over things like what I mentioned above. I started multiple discourses entirely by accident by saying I didn’t understand why everyone though X ship was horribly problematic and worth getting mad at people over. I still don’t feel like anyone deserves to be harassed over characters and ships they enjoy, but that doesn’t mean to say I support all of it. Along with generally feeling ignored by a lot of the moderators of that server, as well as their friends, I was just sick to death of how they seemed to single out some certain people to say, “hey, don’t do this” when other people seemed exempt. I was verbally warned for posting innuendos in a general chat (but it’s not like I could anywhere else on the server, because I’m not 18 yet), but at least once every day I would see two people flirting in-character in whatever channel they happened to meet in, and it never seemed to be in a roleplay channel- I couldn’t see into NSFW to check if they did it there too, but the fact it would leak out into gen concerned me. They would throw innuendo after innuendo at each other, and they never seemed to stop, or be told to stop. Yes, I could have messaged the moderators to say it made me uncomfy, but one of them was a moderator themselves, so I felt a little out my element doing so. 

Another thing that bothered me is when I tried to join an offshoot of that server for kin, and the admin - I assume - of said offshoot server messaged me (with some other conversation concerning it in between) that, despite the fact I only wanted in to help me figure out what it meant to me, I wasn’t allowed in because somebody was uncomfy with doubles. I completely understand that, but I had spoken to the only person it could have been (I wasn’t given a name, but it wasn’t difficult to figure out who it was) multiple times about that character and how similar we were- hell, we had even roleplayed together as doubles of that character and no problems were ever expressed to me. If anything it seemed like we left off in a spot we could have carried on from later. It might not have been intended that way, but being told I wasn’t allowed in there made me feel excluded from the community nonetheless, especially because I’d had a few people tell me the night before that they wanted more people in there and that I’d be totally welcome. I was also told, before any of this happened, that the same person blocked a friend of mine in another server for going on a small rant about how they didn’t like the way Josuke acted in the episode where he plays dice with Rohan and ends up burning his house down, because they kin Josuke..? At least, that’s what was relayed to me.

But, hey ho, it’s all behind me now. I won’t lie; I don’t really plan on ever going back. I don’t want to engage anymore, because it makes me uncomfortable and anxious thinking about it, so I most likely will unfollow most (if not all) of the blogs pertaining to that community tonight. I do have a few people still there who I miss speaking to, but I’ve DM’d all of them on Discord at least once since I’ve left and talked to them about either how I miss them or something entirely unrelated to the server. I’d like to talk more with them, but DMs are always awkward for me to begin with... I have a feeling they might not want to talk after reading this, and I think I’m ready to accept that? Might be difficult not being able to scream about fanfic as much, but I won’t impose on anyone if my presence makes them uncomfy. I don’t want to be that guy.

I’ll say it again: now that I’ve got this off my chest and subsequently calmed down a lot, I’m more than willing to talk about any of it. Just shoot me a message on Discord and I’ll reply when I’m able and feeling up to talking about it again. For now I’m probably just going to go back to pissing about on Flight Rising or play Smash or something

[twllight-blog]

@hiccoras  //  @asphaltkissed  love  u  both  xoxox

                              it’s  harder  than  he  thought  it  would  be  .  how  do  movies  and  tv  shows  manage  to  make  this  look  so  easy  ,  like  the  words  are  able  to  just  flow  from  the  pen  ,  and  yet  here  dongsub  sits  ,  a  second  away  from  banging  his  head  against  the  table  as  words  refuse  to  form  in  his  mind  .  ‘  just  start  again  ,  ’  is  whispered  into  the  air  of  his  empty  room  ,  belongings  already  packed  away  into  his  suitcase  ,  door  locked  .  HE  LEARNT  FROM  THE  LAST  TIME  ,  ‘  this  is  your  only  chance  to  do  this  ..  just  start  at  the  beginning  ...  

                                                           DEAR  ...   

                              HAZEL  .  i’m  sorry  for  everything  i’ve  done  that  has  ever  caused  you  to  feel  hurt  or  upset  .  you  have  every  right  to  hate  me  and  i  bear  no  ill  will  towards  you  because  of  it  ,  in  fact  i’ve  started  to  understand  where  you  have  been  coming  from  .  my  interactions  with  blair  have  never  been  with  malicious  intent  nor  with  intention  to  manipulate  him  ,  i  never  asked  him  to  concern  himself  so  heavily  with  my  problems  ,  in  fact  more  often  than  not  i  would  beg  him  not  to  get  involved  ,  but  i  understand  where  your  concern  for  him  comes  from  ,  and  i’m  glad  you  voiced  it  ,  it’s  helped  me  to  reflect  on  what  kind  of  person  i  truly  am  ,  and  as  much  as  the  truth  hurts  ,  i’m  glad  someone  was  honest  enough  to  let  me  hear  it  .  blair  is  very  ,  very  lucky  to  have  you  ,  i  know  you  can  take  care  of  him  well  and  that  you  also  take  care  of  yourself  .  i  wish  you  nothing  but  the  best  and  i  hope  you  continue  to  enjoy  your  political  science  degree  !!  ((  that  is  your  major  ,  right  ??  blair  mentioned  it  once  ,  i  hope  i  got  it  right  ..  ))

                              GRAYSON  .  i’m  sorry  i  didn’t  tell  you  about  this  ,  but  i  didn’t  tell  anyone  until  now  ,  now  that  i’m  far  enough  away  that  no  one  can  catch  me  and  talk  me  out  of  it  like  the  last  time  .  this  is  just  something  i  need  to  do  ,  and  i’m  so  sorry  i’m  leaving  you  alone  .  all  i  can  do  is  beg  for  your  forgiveness  ,  though  i  know  i  don’t  deserve  it  .  i  can’t  imagine  my  life  without  you  ,  you  have  been  there  with  me  through  everything  and  i’m  so  ,  so  sorry  that  i’m  doing  this  to  you  .  i’m  sorry  i’m  not  a  better  friend  like  you  deserve  and  i  hope  you  find  someone  who  isn’t  so conceited  and  evil  .  you  deserve  everything  and  more  and  i  wish  you  and  jonah  nothing  but  the  best  .  tell  him  that  i’m  sorry  too  .  hey  ,  do  you  remember  that  time  we  ditched  that  party  and  took  the  bus  to  the  beach  instead  ??  it  was  so  late  but  it  was  just  us  and  we  watched  the  stars  and  i  don’t  know  any  constellations  so  we  just  made  them  all  up  .  that  was  fun  .  haha  ,  i’m  sorry  if  the  writing  is  smudged  ,  i  just  started  crying  .  i  miss  you  so  much  already  ,  and  acting  like  nothing’s  wrong  and  like  i’m  not  going  to  just  leave  some  day  soon  has  been  hard  ,  but  i  know  it’s  for  the  best  .  maybe  we  can  go  to  the  beach  again  someday  ...  i’d  like  to  do  that  ,  if  you’ll  ever  want  to  see  me  again  .

                              BLAIR  .  it’s  you  that  i  should  apologise  the  most  to  .  haha  ,  if  i  was  brave  enough  to  do  this  all  in  person  i’d  say  it  on  my  knees  ,  begging  ,  even  though  you  always  told  me  never  to  say  sorry  to  you  ,  it’s  all  i  can  even  think  to  say  .  i  don’t  deserve  your  forgiveness  ,  especially  not  now  ,  i’ve  been  so  horrible  to  you  that  thinking  about  it  makes  me  feel  sick  .  you  didn’t  do  anything  wrong  ,  and  i  know  that  now  .  i’m  sorry  ,  i’m  so  sorry  that  i  even  thought  you  would  tell  seongwook  about  me  .  i  was  so  upset  and  embarrassed  and  it’s  not  an  excuse  ,  i  know  that  ,  and  i  know  you  deserve  so  ,  so  much  better  than  me  as  a  friend  and  that  everyone  is  right  :  i’m  a  bad  person  for  you  .  i’m  toxic  and  manipulative  and  it  took  time  for  me  to  realise  that  what  everyone  was  saying  was  true  .  but  i  hope  you  understand  that  i  never  ,  ever  ,  looked  at  you  as  someone  that  i  had  the  intention  of  hurting  ,  of  making  you  feel  like  you  had  to  deal  with  any  of  my  problems  for  me  ,  i  just  thought  i  was  ranting  to  a  friend  ,  but  i  understand  that  may  not  have  been  the  case  and  that  everyone  was  right  ,  maybe  i  was  unintentionally  manipulating  you  and  i’m  so  sorry  .  i  don’t  deserve  your  forgiveness  ,  i  know  i  don’t  ,  so  please  don’t  forgive  me  .  please  just  live  your  life  as  though  we  never  met  .  i  hope  you  find  happiness  ,  blair  ,  it’s  all  i  could  ever  want  for  you  ,  and  hazel  seems  to  make  you  happy  -  i  hope  you  hold  onto  them  ,  they  care  about  you  a  lot  .

                              DAEHWI  .  i’m  sorry  that  i’m  so  selfish  .  i  never  deserved  your  patience  ,  your  care  ,  any  of  it  ,  and  you  gave  it  to  me  anyway  .  you’ve  done  so  much  for  me  and  i  don’t  know  how  i  can  ever  pay  you  back  for  it  .  the  night  we  met  ...  do  you  remember  it  ??  i  do  ,  hahaha  .  i  was  so  drunk  and  scared  ,  i’d  never  been  to  a  party  before  ,  i  thought  maybe  it  could  have  been  a  chance  to  reinvent  myself  .  to  stop  being  the  dongsub  that  was  afraid  of  his  own  shadow  and  was  always  looking  over  his  shoulder  for  people  who  would  judge  me  or  think  that  i  was  wrong  in  my  existence  .  that  didn’t  happen  ,  as  you’re  definitely  aware  ,  but  it’s  what  i  wanted  .  and  you  came  and  spoke  to  me  and  you  were  so  nice  ,  i  know  that’s  a  terrible  word  to  describe  it  but  y’know  ,  no  one  had  ever  spoken  to  me  the  way  you  did  .  and  i  know  you  were  just  flirting  ,  and  i  didn’t  know  why  you  picked  me  ((  i  still  don’t  ,  but  i’m  glad  you  did  ))  maybe  it  was  fate  because  i  fell  completely  head  over  heels  for  you  from  the  first  sentence  .  you  wouldn’t  believe  that  from  how  i  acted  ,  maybe  you  still  don’t  ,  but  it’s  the  truth  .  i  was  just  scared  ..  terrified  ,  really  ,  i  was  always  told  that  liking  other  boys  was  disgusting  and  wrong  and  that  i  should  be  ashamed  ,  and  i  was  ,  and  i  guess  i  still  am  ,  that’s  really  what’s  brought  us  here  isn’t  it  ??  i’m  not  embarrassed  by  you  ,  i  promise  ,  i’m  embarrassed  by  myself  .  and  you  keep  telling  me  not  to  be  ,  and  i  know  that’s  what  you’re  thinking  reading  this  ,  if  you’re  reading  this  ,  but  i  can’t  help  it  .  being  ...  gay  it’s  ...  i  don’t  know  why  i  think  it’s  okay  for  everyone  but  me  .  but  i  can’t  get  it  out  of  my  head  that  it’s  wrong  for  me  to  even  look  at  you  sometimes  ,  it  feels  like  i’m  disgusting  .  like  you  think  i’m  disgusting  or  like  some  predator  or  something  and  i  can’t  handle  it  sometimes  .  and  now  everyone  knows  ,  and  now  every  time  someone  looks  at  me  they’re  going  to  think  i’m  evil  ,  some  kind  of  wicked  pervert  or  something  .  and  i  can’t  handle  that  ,  and  i’m  so  sorry  .  it’s  getting  late  while  i’m  writing  this  ...  and  i’m  crying  haha  ,  can  you  tell  ??  you  said  my  handwriting  gets  more  neat  when  i’m  upset  because  i’m  trying  to  switch  my  attention  to  focus  on  something  else  instead  of  what’s  bothering  me  ..  you’re  always  so  observant  ,  maybe  that  means  you  saw  this  coming  .  or  maybe  not  .  you  know  ,  i  almost  ditched  my  plans  to  leave  that  night  we  danced  in  my  kitchen  ,  you  made  it  feel  like  we  were  the  only  people  alive  ,  like  no  one  could  touch  me  or  think  bad  things  about  me  because  it  was  just  me  and  you  and  we  were  in  love  .  i’m  still  in  love  with  you  .  that  felt  really  nice  to  write  down  .  i’m  saying  it  out  loud  now  and  it  feels  even  better  .  i’m  in  love  with  you  ,  kang  daehwi  .  only  you  .  and  i  think  you’re  it  for  me  .  but  i  want  you  to  be  happy  too  ,  so  i  have  to  let  you  go  ,  don’t  i  ??  you  deserve  someone  who’s  not  selfish  ,  who’s  not  a  ...  a  whore  .  who  can  be  better  for  you  than  i  ever  will  be  because  let’s  face  it  ,  i’m  a  mess  .  i  know  you  probably  think  i’m  being  over  dramatic  but  i  really  need  to  do  this  .  i  need  to  get  away  from  everything  and  everyone  .  everything  around  me  feels  like  it’s  shattering  and  i  don’t  feel  like  i’m  even  in  my  own  body  anymore  .  it  feels  like  no  matter  who  i  turn  to  i’m  going  to  hurt  them  and  i  can’t  do  that  anymore  ,  it’s  not  fair  on  anyone  .  but  i  want  you  to  know  that  i  love  you  .  i  know  it’s  not  ...  it’s  embarrassing  that  i  was  rarely  brave  enough  to  ever  say  it  to  your  face  ,  but  it’s  all  that  consumed  my  thoughts  when  i  ever  saw  you  .  i  love  you  ,  daehwi  .  i  love  you  .  i  love  you  .  i  love  you  .

                              WOOJIN  .  i’m  writing  this  while  you’re  asleep  in  bed  and  i’m  sitting  on  the  sofa  .  i  hope  you  can’t  hear  me  crying  ,  you’d  always  wake  up  and  be  there  before  i  ever  noticed  if  you  heard  me  so  much  as  sniffle  .  i  miss  you  being  with  me  already  .  i  had  to  write  this  one  last  because  i  know  if  i  wrote  it  sooner  and  still  had  to  face  you  ,  i  would  have  stayed  .  but  i  need  to  go  .  i  know  you’re  going  to  hate  me  for  this  and  i  deserve it  ,  i  know  that  too  .  you’re  going  to  think  i’m  a  coward  for  running  away  and  you’re  going  to  be  mad  at  yourself  because  i  didn’t  tell  you  what  was  bothering  me  .  see  ??  i  know  you  as  well  as  you  know  me  .  so  that’s  why  i  wanna  tell  you  to  not  be  angry  at  yourself  ,  to  be  angry  at  me  if  you  want  to  be  upset  with  anyone  ,  i’m  the  one  that’s  eighteen  and  can’t  deal  with  my  problems  .  i  can’t  tell  you  where  i’m  going  because  you’ll  come  and  look  for  me  but  it’s  somewhere  safe  ,  i  promise  .  it’s  somewhere  that  wooseok  isn’t  going  to  look  for  me  and  it’s  only  temporary  before  i  can  find  somewhere  to  stay  on  my  own  .  maybe  once  i  have  my  own  place  i  can  tell  you  where  i  am  ,  i’m  sorry  i  can’t  tell  you  now  ,  but  i  don’t  want  to  be  looked  for  because  i  don’t  want  to  be  found  .  it’s  ...  the  only  thing  i  had  any  control  over  in  my  life  has  been  stolen  away  from  me  ,  it’s  gone  and  i  just  need  ...  i  need  to  feel  like  i  have  a  hold  over  something  ,  anything  .  i  love  you  ,  woojin  .  i  hope  one  day  you  can  forgive  me  .  i’m  sorry  i’m  such  a  terrible  brother  .

[thefoxesboxes]

A Gathering of Guys

Time to get back into the saddle on these reviews! This one has been a long time coming, something I honestly meant to review many months ago. But, between teaching English and travelling around the world, this writing fox has had a significant decrease in available brainpower. Did watching this movie for a second time help? Will it have passed the vulpine standards check? Look under the cut to find out as we discuss the “First R-Rated CGI Cartoon”, Sausage Party.

To begin, I will preface two things. First, I love animation. The creativity and freedom that can be made from almost any kind of animated movie has always been an easy way to make me happy. Look at movies like Zootopia, Spirited Away, and even Aladdin. These movies are each dramatically different in tone, style, and overall thematics. But they’re all some of my favorite movies. Even if I think CGI is overdone in the modern animation market, it still doesn’t detract from my love of watching something creative and fresh.

I also don’t mind movies that are using raunchy or vulgar humor. A movie like Deadpool can make me laugh pretty hard at the stupid jokes and over the top violence that it employs. A movie like this should use the language and themes to push the style of the movie. Is it a violent story with a murderous mercenary hell bent on revenge? Yeah, dark and violent, but add in the fun. These things can break up the movie into a more manageable tone than most people would like. Look at the difference in things like DC and Marvel, or new Ghostbusters and old Ghostbusters. That’s a coming review, by the way.

So the big point is that this movie is awful. It’s a raunchy and joke filled movie, but it’s never creative. It’s like someone took the movie FoodFight and pushed up the production quality and age rating. The movie is graphic, violent, and full of warnings for mature content and imagery. The whole movie tries very, very hard to make sure you know that this is mature and grown up.

Maturity, in this sense, means something that says the word ‘fuck’ approximately 1.85 times a minute, often in heavy bursts. Maturity is something that makes incredibly sophomoric and heavy handed assertions about the nature of religion and real life interactions between thousand year old cultures. Mature is when you have the movies plotline come to a screeching halt to constantly point out how edgy you are over and over again. Mature, in this sense, is being a 15 year old on Reddit screaming about how you took the red pill and don’t believe in things like religion, man.

There is nothing really mature here. At all.

“Just the tips” What the fuck is a tip? Your finger? Why does a hotdog have a glove but the lady doesn’t? Save it. It’ll keep.

But let’s talk detail. First, the movie has a song. It’s not a bad song, at least for how it’s written and sung. It’s really mostly just kind of tuneless and shifts a lot into ways that obviously want to invoke religious worship songs, but doesn’t do that very well. The song does a great job of setting the tone of this movie, which is “Religious people are dumb, ya here?”. It’s not really something I want to get into, but it slides nicely into the hotdog bun of hatred I have for this movie.

The writing.

As mentioned, the writing is self-congratulatory about the idea of being R-rated when it doesn’t know what that should mean. It decided to go out of its way to be a cartoon about hotdogs and sex before seemingly having any direction, as the world itself and characters are all over the place. Do they make any particular point using food that couldn’t be done with a different material? Nope. Do they make timely or classical references throughout the movie? Well, Meatloaf plays a singing Meatloaf. They make a “To Sir with Love” reference, which intrudes on one of my absolutely favorite films ever. Saving Private Ryan? Not exactly timeless.

But the writing reflects worst on characters and dialogue. While the voice acting is, mostly, fine it’s really just the characters are a bunch of assholes. Remember that scene in Star Wars where Han Solo doesn’t believe in the Force and Luke lectures him despite having learned about it that afternoon? That happens about atheism. Our beef tube hero who’s name I really don’t care to remember (it’s Frank) learns that the Gods are evil people who eat them! Oh no! So he immediately starts bashing everyone for believing in the Gods that he believed in until literally an hour ago. He makes no good points, he seems ridiculously hypocritical, and he’s just kind of a douche.

A running theme in this movie, the main villain is a literal douche. A douche who gets a tear and loses his douchey fluids, so he needs to replenish them to restore his superpowers. This begins with him forcefully and graphically violating a damaged juice container in a way obviously reminiscent of forceful oral sex. This scene was the first one that was simply disgusting, including him commenting that he’s “Juicin’ up” to reference steroids. A rape scene, classy as hell. This only continues as this literal douche walks about to murder the main heroes will constantly repeating the same joke over and over again. His plans involved him being able to teleport, his reason for revenge was almost understandable, but being a rapist murderer really made me not care about this villain.

Also. This joke. Five fucking times.

Other than the Frankfurter Hero and Douchey Villain, we have side characters. Jewish Bagel, Mexican Lesbian Taco, overly voluptuous hotdog bun, Muslim/Middle Eastern lavash, gay Twinkee, black grits, and Firewater. These stereotypes are the closest thing to characters that exist in this film and they mostly exist pretty much solely within those roles. They exist to either be stereotypes, be annoying, or try to poke mature points at the concept of geographically interconnected regions and classically dependent cultures having feuds with each other. But let’s talk about that in terms of the world.

These foods exist for, what, a week? They exist in the same aisles, for the same goals, and often have to interact with each other for their entire existence. Their existences, mind you, which are created for explicit purpose. Why do they have different viewpoints of the Gods, to the point where it is this disseminated? Is it to make a point about the rapid distribution of altering ideals among short lived humanity? I don’t know, it just seems to be extremely crass ways to point out that these things exist and are stupid. Again a running theme.

The last major theme I want to mention is consistency. A world needs to be made in a way that follows an internal logic. Yes, magic should be explained, a world should be detailed, and even comedy should follow some form and function. If there is no law dictated within the world, then there’s no reason for me to really pay attention to what you’re doing. It’s all just whitenoise for the pretense of having jokes.

This movie fails worldbuilding with a capital F and a giant minus. The food is alive, so are douches and some other inanimate objects! But things like shoes and ladles are not, why? Why isn’t the knife alive? When we open up a thing of off brand Mentos, each of those little mints is alive. Is this things ass full of living organisms that will proceed to exist in total isolation until released?  If I make a sandwich, is it a composite of painfully attached different creatures to each other? They did show that composite foods exist as a single entity, so does that mean that pushing cheese and wheat germ together creates a new living entity? The entire idea doesn’t make sense when you show that some things would require the painful things to exist. Pizza, sandwiches, all of it. How does it work? The movie doesn’t tell you.

This line here indicates that the peanut butter, married to jelly, is only alive as it is the container. But why isn’t the bag the hotdogs were in alive, or the box? There’s no sense to be had in this madness. Just extremely dry hotdogs.

Not that the external world is any better. Remember in Toy Story where the toys could move and had to very specifically hide that fact? Yeah, this movie says fuck it. Some of the foods move and we see people view it as a hot dog rolling around. But then the hot dog gets up, dodges, ducks, dips, dives, and dodges. They even stab a hot dog standing up in the middle of the air, or they can run across the street. Do people see them or not? It’s pointed out that they need to be literally high on bath salts to see the  food moving, but then can the food interact with the world when not on bath salts? How come the food never moves and people don’t notice it? Why do I even watch anything attached to Seth Rogan? Why did you ruin my night, Seth?

This isn’t even getting into the ending. The movie ended two separate times at the end, once when the orgy of murder happened, and once when the orgy that murdered the movie happened. There’s a full orgy, it takes actually 5 minutes to get through. Does it add to the plot? Nope. Does it push anything? Nah, it’s also the scaled down version from the honestly horrifying original script Seth Rogan spent years drafting up. Fuck him so much.

There’s also a murder orgy where the food kills everyone. Apparently we can’t beat hotdogs. Who knew? A guy gets turned into a testicle puppet by the douche, carries a giant revolver that apparently has 8 bullets in it. They make Terminator and Wizard of Oz references. A merry time was had by apparently a lot of people that aren’t me.

Also, the food smoke weed that is… Apparently not alive? Why is the marijuana not alive? Fuck it. Probably some stupid point.

The main point is this. The movie contains many flaws and

Fuck this movie. Fuck you Seth Rogan for your grinning assholery. Fuck the critics who think this movie is an insightful and raunchy godsend so they can openly enjoy cartoons. Fuck the idea that this movie grossed tons of money and will probably get some kinda sequel or spinoff. Fuck the media that believes that maturity is the juvenile banter of an idiot who cannot stop dragging his political diatribes into a different subject. And fuck this movie for killing any chance Kubo and the Two Strings had of being a financial success.

Summary? This movie is crass, brash, vulgar and tasteless. It’s also somehow not brave enough to say anything that has any real merit or in a way that’s unique. It’s a movie obsessed with its own egotistical idea of being the ‘first’ but has no idea of how to make that something worth seeing. This movie is just a waste of time. It’s a mix of immature and well past it’s expiration date.