#i was so deep in the closet

[hinamie]

off on an adventure ! this au turns 1 week old today

jjk atla!au with @philosophiums

pose ref [x]

[yellowocaballero]

Trigun 98 really is the anime of all time. It did absolutely say "Here is the biggest idiot you've ever seen in your life. It's going to be four episodes until he does anything that is not blindingly moronic and it's going to be five before he says a sentence that is not a lie. We are now going to vaguely imply that he has a dead girlfriend and that's why he's sad. You will learn ten episodes later that the dead girlfriend is his mother. In episode nine a random man is going to call him depressed and they will spend the next three episodes doing absolutely nothing important but forming an unshakable bond of friendship, and we are also going to learn that they are in space."

What are we supposed to do with any of this. Insurance agents with fifty guns and one gigantic gun respectively are the only reason we have a plot at all. An entire episode's resolution only makes sense with information we are never told and barely implied. The main character is Jesus but also a deconstruction of Jesus. I feel like the show is giving me a rabid guinea pig and leaving me to wonder why this guinea pig is on crack before telling me three hours later that he's a robot guinea pig, answering no questions and raising so much more.

[stagefoureddiediaz]

I know we’ve all been calling Eddie‘s moustache, his gay moustache and I’m as guilty of it as the next person, but the reality is moustache he’s gave far more symbolism than being gay - in fact the gay moustache is actually a very recent thing (the 1970’s!) and an intentional movement by the gay community to subvert cultural stereotypes.

You see the moustache has been symbolic throughout history. They have been symbols of wisdom (think long Chinese moustaches), status (in parts of rajput India, historically only those of an upper caste could wear a moustache so it was associated with being ‘higher born’) and in Europe and America it was a symbol of masculinity and male virility. Indeed many European armies required officers and often enlisted men to wear moustaches. So its association with the military is long founded (apart from the equipment only allowing moustaches, it’s also a part of the reason firefighter swear them - because it is a male dominated career and therefore the moustache is a symbol of masculinity) and predates the moustache as a symbol of queerness.

All of this combined with Eddie diaz having one at this point in time is so interesting, especially because we now know that he’s going to symbolically shave it off on screen as a part of his emotional arc.

Eddie growing a moustache in the aftermath of the Shannon/Kim of it all - the fact Eddie has clearly not dealt with loosing Shannon or his grief, and there is a lot of other emotions and things tied up in dealing with that grief is super important. Eddie growing a moustache is him expressing his masculinity - tying himself to his heteronormative relationship and his military past.

To Eddie right now - his military past is when he had Shannon - it’s when he had a ‘complete family’. He isn’t seeing the cracks in the walls or the fact the foundation is made of quicksand. He isn’t able to see that his In his mind that is when he was happy and that is why he can’t grieve. Which is why he’s grown a moustache - because he’s clinging to his masculinity and the time when he felt he had control over his life.

It is essentially Eddie breakdown 2.0 and in the same way breakdown 1.0 came with a new haircut, but ultimately allowed him to process and deal with part of his trauma, breakdown 2.0 is likely to be the same thing. This time, likely dealing with Shannon and very likely the fact that she was essentially a ‘beard’ for him (even if he wasn’t fully cognisant of it at the time - I genuinely believe he loves(d) Shannon - but I also believe she enabled him to not have to look at himself too closely and keep himself in the closet) so shaving off that moustache is symbolic of shedding his beard (because he’s a firefighter and cannot have a full beard) and embracing his true authentic self.

So Eddie’s moustache is a symbol of his queerness - but only when he shaves it off.

[snackugaki]

surprise my other hobbies are window shopping and fashion

[carnivalcarriondiscarded]

I have the smallest crumb of a theory. But what if howdy is mean to Latter because he’s self-conscious of being the only caterpillar (and repressed) and takes it out on his brother as a consequence. Because social expectations at the time gave him an excuse to do so?

no. ok. hoo boy. Allow Me To Be Insane Over The Most Prominent Thought I've Had Since Seeing The Update (about howdy)

i will try to be as eloquent and articulate as possible. ahem:

THAT FRUITY ASS CATERPILLAR IS REPRESSED AS FUCK, ARE YOU KIDDING ME??? DID YOU SEE THAT SHIT?? MY GOD. HOMEBOY HAS ISSUES STACKED ON ISSUES. GET HIM SOME THERAPY.

ok. ok ok ok. Now allow me to be articulate and eloquent

so obviously Howdy is almost certainly queer in the men-loving flavor. if i'm wrong about this my confidence will never recover. But I'm Willing To Take That Chance. so he's definitely queer, right? his.. well his everything points to it, but the final nail in the coffin are his rainbow suspenders from the group Homewarming artwork from Eddie's prolonged breakdown.

but this update i think showed us deeper into that part of him. and i take the shipping goggles off for genuine analysis, so when i say this i believe that there is Serious Evidence and seems Genuinely Plausible - if Howdy doesn't have feelings for Barnaby, i'll eat my cat.

the above is important to say because it Directly ties in to how Howdy treats Latter AND Eddie.

so. Howdy is likely gay or bi, what have you. i'm guessing gay. he obviously has feelings for Barnaby. SO WHAT I'M SAYING IS that i don't think Howdy treats Latter the way he does because of the caterpillar thing, I think Howdy treats Latter the way he does because Latter is genuine and Howdy is not.

what does this have to do with Eddie? well. look at Latter and Eddie in relation to each other. they're both... how do i say... Open. and not - not effeminate, but yes, for lack of of a better word, effeminate. just enough to make one go "huh." and Howdy treats them the same way - dismissive, apathetic, one could even say avoidant.

i wouldn't be shocked if Howdy picked up on their queerness (and if Latter isn't queer, his comfort with himself / his behavior & interests) and is on the defensive about it - likely subconsciously.

and with Latter specifically. Howdy could have also picked up on the way his other family members treat him if they're all also dismissive - as Seeya seems to be as well. i mean, it fits right in line with the time period! homophobia - internalized in Howdy's case (again, most likely). the blatant favoritism, the dismissive nature, it all adds up. even if no one outright knows, that subconscious recognition (or outright suspicion!) will do this

i mean, Latter makes me think of two things. 1) being the only queer kid in a family (especially large). 2) being a middle child. there was a third but i forgor. it felt important! it's gone now! anyway it's also Super telling comparing how Howdy treats Latter (emotional, earnest, open) to how he treats Beeya (oozing stereotypical masculinity)

tl;dr so i don't think it's really "expectations giving Howdy an excuse" as it is "subconscious / internalized homophobia causes Howdy to act the way he does"

as always, take all this with a Hefty grain of salt!

[drowninkystar]

me, in my teens (still in my denial phase), listening to the village by wrabel in my room and bawling my eyes out: oh im just a very involved ally

[steakout-05]

medic tf2 doodles?!?!?? in this economy!???!?!? (art from yesterday)

most gentle and sweet middle aged german man in the whole entire world smile vs planning to swap all of your organs with a series of interconnected frogs smile

a doodle i did of Medic and Archimedes.... he looks too round in this drawing, not smug and evil enough..... also Mitzi from the RAE appearance :D

i LOVE the voicelines Medic has with Haunted Archimedes, he's not disturbed or even slightly put off by the fact that his zombified dove is 1. talking and 2. has a violent and constant craving for brains. he's just like. being a slightly irritated pet owner about it. he's just like "ugh yes archimedes vants all zhe brains doesn't he. now shut up". also i think this is the most on-model medic drawing i've ever done wtf

[shootingthe-stars]

sirius pre-gay realization is the biggest pain to write like what do you mean you can’t feel anything for a girl if you know her more than surface level at all like do the math in your head ohhmyogd😭😭

[lavenderfeminist]

She told me I was the first person in that church to ever tell her it might not be wrong to be gay :’)

[lab-gr0wn-lambs]

I've got such a bad habit of changing my entire aesthetic based on whatever fictional man I'm watching at the time. "whoa I wanna start dressing like that guy" no you don't. That guy dresses like ass. You just want to be percieved as a dude and he is one.

[jumpingtoconclusions]

i remember when s5 came out and everyone was talking about buff merlin and i thought i was so quirky and different for not liking him. i was like i just don’t like him all manly, he used to be so pretty before when he was more similar to morgana im so different hahaha NO YOU DELUSIONAL DUMB FUCK YOU JUST LIKE WOMEN

[autistichedgehogs]

[puppyeared]

you seem like the. kind of person who I'd run into during a rock concert while I'm trying to find bathroom and notably you are dressed kind of oddly for the concert (see: divorced dad outfit. hawaiian shirt. jorts. chunky sandles. giant sun hat.) and so I ask you "hello, do you know where I can find the bathroom?" and you go "yeah sure!!" and you point me the complete opposite direction from the bathroom. not on purpose, but because you also have no idea where the bathroom is. I thank you and go on my way, both of us oblivious to the fact we are currently very much not at a rock concert. it's an idie band that just screams really loud. sorry if that's specific you just give me giant 'perpetual tourist that isn't really a tourist and has never left their home city but just seems like a tourist anyways' energy

naw thats a pretty reasonable impression id say

[allfortzu]

what if i EXPLODE

[stabbyfoxandrew]

mmmm i can't figure out how kevin should be reacting in the mafia front au. like... it's kevin. but also it's kevi