#i will always end up choosing athos though

[highfunctioningflailgirl]

Dumas's extraordinary ability to give popular fiction a mythical thrust is very evident in his handling of the Musketeers themselves. None is merely a swashbuckler, for each is made complex and memorable in different ways which nevertheless unite in a group expression of true friendship.

Athos, the languid aristocrat, harbours a romantic soul beneath his casual exterior.

The least likeable of the comrades, the studious Aramis, 'a musketeer by accident but a churchman at heart', has yet to choose between love and his vocation but meantime is ready to cross swords with whoever stands in his path.

With Porthos, the group dunce, always slightly ridiculous but endlessly engaging, Dumas pulls off the rare feat of creating a genuinely good-hearted man: villains are much easier to manage.

But d'Artagnan, the Gascon with the short fuse, resourceful, passionate, and eternally 20, enshrines the spirit of youth and adventure. He is not only ageless but immortal: he leaps out of time and enters the realm of legend. D'Artagnan has been universally famous for a century and a half in the way that man-made heroes rarely are.

David Coward, in the introduction to The Three Musketeers by Alexandre Dumas

[flowers-creativity]

Fic: In Bloom

Fandom:  The Musketeers

Characters: Athos, Sylvie

Warnings: None

Summary: As they settle down together, Athos develops a new habit, trying to make Sylvie smile.

Notes: For aramisinaskirt as part of the Secret Solstice fic exchange who wanted romantic fluff. I hope you like this offering!

Many thanks to privateerstudies for organising the event and being a wonderful cheerleader!

AO3 link

The town they settled in was small but Athos loved it. In the beginning, he had worried that it would be too reminiscent of Pinon but for whatever reason, whether it was because he was no longer a Comte, and none of his neighbours looked at him with anything but the general curiosity a newcomer always elicited in a community that didn't see many of them, or if it was because of the woman at his side … It didn't bother him, whatever similarities to his childhood home he discovered.

Sylvie loved it, too. No matter how well she had dealt with war-torn Paris, she had not grown up in a big city, and she immediately felt at home. And she made plans: she wanted to establish a school to teach the local children how to read and write, and one day, there might even be another printing press. But first, she had a child to plan for, and a new home to establish.

Athos had to admit that there were moments where he was jealous of her drive; he was not entirely sure what he should be doing now that his duty to the Musketeers had ended. He was receiving a small stipend, as the Queen had promised him when he told her of his plans, so they could live modestly but well enough without struggling. If he had missed any luxuries after giving up his title, the life of a Musketeer had cured him of that. It had also made him unaccustomed to idle time, though, and he knew that sooner or later, he would have to find something to keep himself busy.

For now, he spent his time helping his love make their house into a home and getting to know their new town, mostly in the time whenever Sylvie threw him out of the house to 'get some peace and quiet without your fussing' because however much her growing belly may be hindering her, she did not take kindly to him suggesting that she rest and let him do all the work. To be fair, she did let him do more and more, but he still wished that she would take it easier.

So whenever Athos felt her patience wane, he went out for a walk. He met their neighbours, and if there was a need for a helping hand, he did what he could, aiding in fixing broken tools or painting a fence, brushing down a horse, tossing hay, in any way he could be of use. He took his rapier and found a secluded spot where he could run through his forms because he intended to keep his skills sharp, no matter what the future might bring.

And when he walked back to their house, he always brought Sylvie something that he hoped would make her smile.

Sometimes it was a fresh pastry from the local baker, sometimes a pretty ribbon he had spied at the market.

But most of all, he brought her flowers.

It had been in the early days, when they had barely arrived in town, when a bright red flower had caught Athos's eye as he was walking home. Red like her skirts, a bright colour that would look wonderful against her dark hair, as fiery as her zest for life … He had bent down and picked a handful of the flowers before he had even finished the thought. They might be anemones but he would be lying if he claimed any expertise in identifying flowers. It didn't matter; it mattered that they would hopefully bring her joy.

He almost hurried home, eager to bring a smile to his lover's lips.

Though he had no need of flowers for this; as soon as Sylvie noticed him coming into the kitchen where she was kneading bread dough in a large bowl, her face lit up. She did not stop her work, though, and Athos stepped up behind her and wrapped his arms around her, one hand coming to rest on the slight swell of her belly.

Sylvie leaned back against him for a moment, turning her head to nuzzle against his cheek. No words were spoken but none were necessary; after a moment, she straightened again to bring her weight bearing down on the dough. Athos released her and picked up the flowers from the kitchen table where he had set them down. “I brought you these,” he said, slightly hesitant. He hoped she would not think him silly … “They made me think of you.”

Sylvie turned again to see, and her eyes lit up at the sight. And there was the smile he had wanted to see. “They're lovely!” she said. “What about them reminded you of me?”

Athos smiled and took one of the flowers, stepping back up to her and choosing a part of her hair. She held still as he began braiding her curls around the stem to anchor the flower. “They're bright,” he murmured, “like you; you've brought so much colour back into my life. It is only fitting to adorn you with all the colours nature has to offer.”

Sylvie bit her lip, her face turned up to him, her eyes wide and shiny. “And here I always thought that Aramis was the one with a honeyed tongue,” she returned.

He felt his cheeks warm up and was glad that she probably didn't see it when he let go of the braid and took a step back. “I might have spent too much time with him,” he said with a shrug. He observed his handiwork – he hadn't tied the braid off, so it might unravel soon, but for now, the flower sat securely among her dark curls.

Sylvie laughed. “That's true but I'm still surprised it was flattery you learned from him.”

“What else should I have? Poor decision-making?” Athos smirked. That made her laugh harder, and he relished the sound.

“Given that I really like how your decisions have turned out lately, I cannot say that's the case,” she finally said, abandoning the bread dough and going to wash her hands. She covered the bowl with a towel, then gave him a kiss on the cheek and said: “I've got to see how it looks. Put the other ones in a jug with some water for me?”

Athos nodded and moved to do her bidding while she went to their bedroom with the small mirror on the cupboard he used to shave.

She was back moments later, smiling even more brightly. “It looks so lovely! Thank you!” She rewarded him with another kiss, this one deep and sweet, and when they broke apart, he returned the smile, happy to have achieved his goal.

Soon it became something Athos did regularly – he brought her marigolds, irises, lilies, all the flowers he could name and many more he could not. The ones that made him think of Sylvie the most were yellow, red, orange, a  burst of colour, though he sometimes picked purple, white or blue ones, too. Whatever he brought her, she was delighted and gladly indulged him in letting him braid some of them into her hair.

The only time it gave him pause was when he happened upon a field strewn with small blue dots. For a moment, he remembered a different woman, pale where his love was dark now, a different dark head of hair under his hands, and his chest restricted painfully. He barely remembered her these days, and he was thankful for it.

Shaking himself out of the memory, he turned away and went to find the brightest, most colourful flowers to bring back to his love.

[tar-oh]

Pick A Pile: What’s Coming At you in love

So, a few weeks ago I started a pile that ended up feeling really heavy and just not what you needed to hear. Like, I think a lot of us were going through some stuff (and maybe still are) and at that moment, it wasn’t a love message you guys needed. So, today I did a new one and this one felt so much better and happier? Also, you can tell I’m procrastinating schoolwork. lol So anyway, this is about what’s coming towards you in love. Most of the piles seem to focus on things that are already kind of going on, but some seemed to be about new things. So, I really do have to ask that you please only take what resonates and not try to make anything that doesn’t fit, fit. My biggest fear is that I’m going to give someone some false hope, so if it really does not sound like you or your situation, then don’t take it. But, also, know that it’s a general reading so it may not fit you and it also may be just super vague. That being said, you can choose more than one because maybe there’s one with more of the message for you or there’s more than one person coming towards you? Anyway, just choose the one you feel most called to.

Today, I’m feeling a Musketeers vibe so I’m using a picture of the guys from BBC’s Musketeers for you guys to choose: 1: Aramis, 2: Athos, 3: D’Artagnan, 4: Porthos :

Pile 1: Aramis

Cards: The Empress, 7 of Wands reversed, King of Swords, The Hierophant reversed, 8 of wands reversed, Death  I kind of get the sense that this pile is one that's been alone for a bit. I mean, maybe not a really long time, but like some of you were. With the empress I see that you're taking care of yourself, and even though it's 7 of wands and reversed, I get kind of a 9 of pentacles feel from this particular card. In this one she's just smelling the flowers, but content. But with it reserved, I see like this idea of feeling alone? Like, okay the first song that played when I started this pile was Moonlight Lines by Movements, and it's about two people who just kind of want someone to fill their bed with them. Like, this sense of wanting another body with them. Basically, a one night stand, but also someone to sleep next to for a night, right? I'm not necessarily getting a one-night-stand vibe as what's coming towards you (really, not at all), more just that feeling of wanting someone to be with you at night. A body beside yours. And, like this empress energy is you taking care of yourself but also you wanting to care for someone else. And, 7 of wands being reversed can be an exhausted energy. Like a, when am I going to find someone? But, also, I draw that 9 of pentacles feeling from it too because it's not like you're not doing okay. Like, I think you've been fine alone, but now you're just bored. The next song that played was Love Took The Last Of It by Movements, and I kind of think maybe you've been burned and maybe it took you a while to feel better and want to open up again. Or, maybe you just kind of have a habit of getting into situations that aren't for you and they fall through, so like, you're tired of this. I get the Death card with that, like you want to end this cycle. And I see death as being that, an end to a cycle. I always talk about how much I love that card, it's the card of change. Like, yes it means endings, but beginnings too? So, like, you're just ready to move out of this energy of being alone. The hierophant being reversed to me means that whoever it is coming towards you is not really your usual type. Upright, the Heirophant is all about convention and playing by the rules, and reversed it'd be the opposite, though I'm not reading it that way with this reading. Especially not with the King of Swords showing up. No, instead I'm just reading the Hierophant reversed as maybe this is someone who maybe at first when you meet, you're kind of like, "Oh, I don't know. They're not really following the standards I look out for." I don't mean someone not good for you. I mean, like as in maybe you have a list in your mind and this person doesn't really have all of those things on that list. Maybe they check a few, but there's a few things where you're kind of thinking that maybe it won't work. But, with the King of Swords, I see that they're really honest, maybe to a fault. And, the king on this particular card is old, but I don't really think it's that way for everyone, though I feel like for many of you there is an age gap but I don't think it's one like in this card where the girl towards the bottom of the card looks younger and he looks like he could be her grandpa or something. But, I think that him being older here also might point out that one of you is really wise. Like, old-soul wise. So maybe this is someone you look up to? A mentor of some sort, or just someone you look to for advice. I'm not sure. This could be reversed, and maybe your older than them/they look up to you, and maybe it's even that you're not their usual type? With the 8 of wands being reversed, I see that maybe this is just going to take a bit longer than you'd want. Like, maybe you two need more time to get to know each other. Or, even meet I guess since this is more along the lines of what's coming towards you. Anyway, I see it as coming slowly. Maybe it's delayed a little (which, I mean, at least here in the USA, things are still pretty crappy with Covid and doesn’t look to be getting better) So, this might just be a while out. But, again, with the death card, I see it being an end of a cycle. So maybe before you both can meet or end up together/around each other, you need to close out some things. Like, the Death card REALLY sticks out to me today. And it's funny because, it's the Scorpio card, and so that's like around Halloween, right? The Lovely Omen's deck Death card is so pretty. She wears this black and white striped suit, and like, it reminds me SO much of Beetlejuice lol so I'm getting halloween vibes here, so maybe that's significant to you both, like maybe a birthday in Scorpio season, or the surrounding sign seasons through out like Oct-Nov? Or, maybe that movie's plot has something significant to you both? (seeing this also with King of Swords too, like air signs, so Libra season so, again, october?) Or, maybe it's as simple as it being black and white and like again going back to the Heirophant being reversed and this idea that this is someone who may not fit what you're originally looking for or vice-versa, maybe it's like stop looking at everything so black and white. Look at the greys in between, right? I also want to point out that she's also wearing a moon necklace on the card, and this deck has a lot of references to the moon and stars in the other cards, but this necklace always stands out to me because it's reminds me of how with change comes uncertainty. So maybe it's going to feel really uncertain, especially with the idea of looking at the grays in between? Like, its kind of scary, but like, nothing in life is ever really all that certain? So, like, this unknown is staring straight at you, and I think these cards are kind of saying, "You obviously know how to take care of yourself, so you're going to be okay. Just try something new" Like, oof. I don't know where that last sentence came from, but yeah! Exactly how I'm feeling about this! Or. This person does have gray hair. Lol i mean I’m fairly young for gray hair and I get them when I’m super stressed. Like, look at Logan Lerman, he looks GORGEOUS with gray hair (and Im his age so!!! High Five to us for premature gray hairs!) (Okay, I had written earlier that this didn't seem like new energy but I deleted it because I was like idk, but the song Seneca by Movements came on -which i have it on shuffle but for some reason it's only playing this album?- and it's about someone thinking about how they still love an ex who's now engaged and like how bittersweet it is how they enjoy how happy they look but they miss them and like! Idk! for some this is definitely an ex, but for others it just someone you know already probably!!!) So, maybe even if it's not someone new, it's a new situation? Like, maybe this relationship with this person, even if you've never been in an actual one with them, it's like new to you both. New territory. And, the song In my Blood by Movements came on because again, it's not really shuffling the playlist, lol, but this feels like maybe this is someone you just have a connection to. Like, even if you two haven't known each other that long, you just feel that bond. And like going back to that scorpio energy, its intense I think. In that King of Swords card, that lady looks like she's kind of worshiping this king, and I think it's going to feel that way for both of you. Hopefully not like an obsessive thing, but more like a, you both really have the hots for each other and at any given point, you're both playing that lady on that card, hanging onto the other like that. And he looks really serious, so maybe someone here is really serious and more of an all-work-and-no-play kind of person, but like I don't read that as an absolute bummer. I read it more as someone who's like, just really good at getting shit done, even the hard stuff. Also, he's got a great body lmao so I think you're going to end up being super attracted to this person, even if it's not a jaw-dropping eyes meet the first time story, ya know? Like I said earlier, it's kind of a slow burn I think. I don't have any cups here, which I guess might pose a problem, because at first it seems like a lack of emotions? But I have swords and wands so I see a lot of action. But I also feel like you connect on an intellectual level, like I get that with the Hierophant (even if it's reversed) and King of Swords. I also feel like you'll have like an earthy kind of connection. Like, even though I feel there's a lot of passion, I also see that you two can just chill. Bottom of the deck energy for the Lovely Omens Deck was High Priestess. So, I definitely read this as you kind of maybe having a feeling that this is coming towards you. Also, with the hierophant, even with it being reversed, in this deck she's wearing moon earrings, but they're crescent moons. So, it's like the moon is whole with the two halves, and I definitely see that as another hint at knowing? Like, going back to the 7 of wands reversed and how I felt more of the 9 of pentacles with it instead, like you being alone for a while, but like maybe you kind of know something's going to happen. I think the death card also maybe says this to you, because you're aware that something's changing. Like, maybe you don't know exactly what, but it's changing and you feel this shift in the energy. The other deck has 7 of Swords here, and I really hate seeing this in a love reading, but I also kind of get that maybe it's just for those of you who do know each other, maybe at this exact moment you're not being truthful about feelings? Things that might be relevant: Taurus, Libra, Scorpio, October and November. Halloween. 13 or 31. 3, 7, Beetlejuice, I don't know! That black and white suit is so prominent to me today on that card! It always stands out but I never really thought about beetlejuice before, so lemme know if that resonates! Pile 2: Athos

Cards: Ace of Wands, 4 of Wands, Knight of Cups, The Hierophant, Judgement reversed, The Hanged Man With this one, I feel like someone in this is ignoring their feelings. Like, with the Hanged Man being here I definitely see that it's someone literally hanging back and thinking about things. And with Judgement reversed, I see that it's like a waiting period. So, I think this is an established connection, but like, nothings happening. Like, maybe not even communication, or like if there is, it's like you're not really talking. At least, not about what's going on between the two of you. And also Skin to Skin came on, and the first line in this song is interesting to me because it's "I'm certain that I'll circle back to you", so it's like neither of you are too worried, but maybe there's some frustration (but I don't really see that in the cards. They all kind of feel super chill, so I think whoever this is, they're really chill lol) There's also another line that makes me l think about this but also, the knight of cups gives me this vibe: "I know that you're so preoccupied..." And like, again, I feel this stagnation but like it's a chill one. Like you're both accepting that maybe it's supposed to happen? Just not now. And, so like this "preoccupied" person is like the hanged man, hanging back and thinking things through. I don't think it's that they're unsure. I think they know how they feel (the stars and the moons in her hair on the hangedman card definitely brings this to mind, like this knowing of the unknown, but also having hope, so it's like whoever this is, knows what they're not sure of if that makes sense! Same with the judgement card but she also has the sun on it! So she's holding all the hope, mysteries and happiness in her arms!!!) Ace of wands is like this new passion. Like, maybe after stagnancy is this moment where you two can express this passion, and with the Knight of Cups, I see that too. But, he's not moving on a horse like the other decks usually have. He's just sitting and look at that cup but looking really kind of...He looks like he's pouting honestly, but I don't get that from this. Like, he's looking at this covered cup and it's got stars, so again that hope is there. He has that hope, but it's covered up, so it's kept to him for now if that makes sense. But, with this ace of wands, I see a new start and like i think it's this start where he opens up that cup and out pours all those thoughts the hanged man had. And, the 4 of wands suggests this harmony that's coming with this. Like, you two just click and you balance each other out. And I'm sure you both know this. With this deck, sometimes you can read the looks on their faces two ways, like how the deck explains the card and also maybe a different way, so I kind of always can see two ways of looking at the faces. Some look sad but could also be contemplating things.  This card is definitely one of those cards. This one is about bringing difficulties to an end with alliances, I don't really think this was that difficult? Like, maybe I'm not getting the whole story. Maybe this period of stagnation has been a long time and you're both just tired of not seeing each other now or talking more, but like, I guess this is kind of you two coming together and bringing an end to this period of nothing. And the look on the one girls face, the one in the yellow dress, she looks tired but she looks so into this other girl, so like I think that's kind of what's going to happen. One day you're both are going to just simultaneously agree that you're done with this nothing and want something? Like, I don't think you're going to say it before deciding it but once it's decided you BOTH are going to be opening up your star cups and pour it all out. Bottom deck energy for this is the Death card and the high priestess. I wasn't going to mention it, but I almost feel like for a few of you, you should check out pile 1, mostly because Death was in that pile but also the High Priestess was bottom deck energy for that one too (just a different deck). But, these tell me that there's going to be a change. Like, I said you're going to get tired of this stagnation, and I think it's an end of a cycle within this particular relationship. And the high priestess brings back that idea of "I'm certain I'll circle back to you..." where there's a knowing that this isn't really done. It's just at a standstill. So, yeah. I think this stagnation will end. I don't know WHEN, I don't get a when. But, I don't think it's going to be FOREVER from now, especially because you did get 3 major arcana! Also, wands feels quicker and you got the ace of wands! So I feel like it's kind of a "whenever" kind of thing, which isn't very helpful. It could be tomorrow or next year, ya know? Though, as I was writing this the song 12 Weeks by Movements came on! So! For someone it MIGHT be 12 Weeks. It's interesting though, because the end of the song is something like "Fall in love and fall away", which I don't see that as an end, again kind of like you two caught feelings and then were put in a stand still? But, also with that 4 of wands card, it really feels like everything around them falls away around them, so maybe that's just kind of how you two are together. Like, you talk and there could be other people there, but it all falls away. You could be in a group conversation, but for some reason it feels like all the words you both say are pointed towards the other rather than the group? Again, take what resonates. If you know no one where your connection is like this than I really do not think this is your pile. Things that are relevant: Celestial bodies (like the sun, the moon, stars), butterflies (specifically pink and purple), Sagittarius, Taurus

Pile 3: D’Artagnan

Cards: Justice, The Star(s), Queen of Swords, 8 of Pentacles, 3 of Swords reversed, 3 of cups Justice was the first card to fall out, and immediately I knew it was about a group who got the short end of the stick or something when it comes to love. Like, I hear, short end of the stick, like. Okay, so Queen of Swords is always described as like a woman alone who's been scorned, but I usually don't go by that because I'm sure there are plenty of people out there who are Queen of Sword types who haven't really had issues with love, they're just kind of That Way. But, like with Justice, I definitely see this as someone who was hurt in the past by love. Like, again. Short end of the stick. New Song D by the Front Bottoms is playing and there's this part in the bridge where he talks about how someone sold him a bike for $50 when the brakes weren't working, so like he was cheated out of $50 when he thought maybe it was worth $25 ? Like, Okay. So, with this, I'm getting that he was cheated money out of this, right? And maybe that is the case for some of you, but I'm getting more of an energy cheat if that makes sense. Like, you put a lot of energy into someone and a situation, and all they gave back was 1/4 of what you gave, and I'm getting that because I think maybe they thought they were giving you more (1/2 but still not enough), but they weren't, and you were just cheated out of this and left feeling drained because it was all one sided. And, I'm not saying this person didn't feel anything for you, I mean, they might have felt something but weren't able to give back the same amount because of things going on in their life. Or they were just like that. And there's another part in this song where he says "You wouldn't start because I wouldn't stop" and maybe it's also like you were giving too much even for them to like, take? Maybe it was just too much on their end and couldn't receive that much and too much for you to give so then you're both left with a disappointing situation. I also see 8 of pentacles kind of confirming this, like so much hard work was put into it on your end, but not enough to make it balanced. And it is NOT your fault. Like I feel the need to tell you that you have a big heart and that it's not your fault that someone else couldn't accept it the way you needed them to. 3 of swords reversed tells me that you're healing, though. Like, this happened and it probably really hurt but now you're healing. For some, because there are 2 3's, I think this was a case of being cheated on, but I don't think that's for everyone. Like, I really feel more like this was an unbalanced give and take situation. But, with the Justice here, I see that it WILL be balanced and whatever is coming in for you, will be more balanced. I almost feel, though, like this pile is less about what's coming and more about how you'll be doing better? Like, what's coming is really good and balanced, but also, you're healing, and I think it's always really nice to be able to look back at a heartbreak and not feel as bad about it as you did before. Like, sure it's probably always going to give a pang, but like with time, it heals. And, I know you probably wanted so badly for this to work out with this person, and I'm so sorry it didn't. Trust me, All I've ever known is unrequited love, so I really get that feeling of that realization when it becomes clear it's not going to work. One deck's bottom card was the Ace of Swords, so again, like I think this was that clarity you had about it not working, but I also see it as you seeing that it's just that this was not meant for you and that there's something better. And, that better is the star and justice. Like, this new person is going to bring in a lot of hope an balance. Like, this star card has two people on it, and it kind of looks like they're balancing out, right? So, yes. Definitely a lot of balance. And this person, I think, is going to be a lot of fun. The 3 of cups in this reading, to me, is more about how I think you two are going to hit it off in a friendly way first. And like, this might not even be a romantic love. It could just be a really good friend you make or have that's with you through your healing. But either way, platonic or not, I think this person is going to be someone you can lean on in this tough period, but also someone you can have fun with. The same song, new song d, has a part in the chorus where he says "I fell down, you propped me up" and I see this as being how your relationship will go. When someones down, the other will prop them up.But this isn't going to be all take and no give like this last person. No, again, it's going to be super balanced. Bottom deck energy for the other deck was Knight of Wands and in my last reading I compared him to D'Artagnan in the Three Musketeers and I think when he's not off trying to save the world, he's a really fun dude. Also, this is kind of weird and I'm going to have to make sure in the picture I take I get one of this Knight of Wands, because on the top border there's this weird like squiggle shapes, but it looks to me like...bodies? (It's kind of like that with the Queen of Swords too, with the top border?) Like bodies doing yoga lmao but like. I think you two are going to be physical (like! not in a sexual sense unless you're old enough and consenting!!), but more in a, touchy, huggy sense. So again, that propping up, but like physically and mental propping up. But, also, like maybe you two are always kind of touching. Like, shoulders next to each other, knees colliding, hand holding. Oof. That sounds so cute! I'm a little jealous. OH! This is also kind of weird, but in the same card behind him are this shapes that look like fleur-de-lis! And that's so weird considering that I think of D'Artagnan, a musketeer when I see this card! Ah! Anyway, I just see this as super healing for you, whoever this is. The shapes also kind of remind me of phoenix's, so! Maybe that's a message there. Like, emerging from the ashes of your former self? This is weird, because the next song that came on was Sour, a collab by 1990nowhere, Olivver the Kid and others, but I think that's interesting because maybe it goes with the past for you, like it soured. Like it looked sweet and then it soured? Then Are you Bored Yet? by Wallows came on so taking that literal, like you grew tired of how it was going. So I'm not sure if anyone resonates with those two songs, but I thought they seemed significant. Possibly relevant: Libra, Aquarius, Musketeers, fleur-de-lis, yoga, 1990, 3, 8 Pile 4: Porthos

Cards: Knight of cups, 2 of cups, 7 of wands, the lovers, 6 of swords, King of Pentacles I wasn't going to do a pile 4, but thought I should and like, yeah I'm glad I did because this feels like something someone needs to hear. So, someone here is leaving something. I think maybe you might want to read my last pick a pile I posted on here about what you need to hear. I definitely think this group showed up in that one. So, again, someone is leaving something, but I keep wanting to type someone! Ahh! Sorry! But, maybe there is someone leaving someone? I definitely have the song Scrawny by Wallows stuck in my head so maybe you're leaving a "scrawny motherfucker with a cool hairstyle"? lol or not! Maybe that's just a song being stuck in my head because it was in there earlier today, but? Like? Maybe it was meant to come back around for this reading. Anyway, I get this idea from 6 of swords because that can be about a spiritual/mental journal, but also sometimes a physical one. So, like mentally and physically leaving a situation. Also, I've read that 6 in tarot is about journeys, and we got two 6's (6 of Swords and the lovers), and even though the lovers is about unity, I think it's also leaving that life before that unity behind? So, I read that into this whole, you're leaving something (or someone in this is leaving something or someone, so it could be this person coming towards you leaving something). Also, 8 of cups was on the bottom of one of the decks, and that again is about leaving something, like mentally/spiritually. But, like, this has cups so there's more of an emotional element to it. Like, leaving something that wasn't fulfilling you, going towards that 9 of cups wish fulfillment, right? So, there is that energy here, and like, I kind of feel like 9 of Cups should have shown up too, because I almost feel like whoever is coming towards you is kind of a wish come true. So, with knight of cups, i kind of read it like I did for another pile, but maybe more into his expression than i had for that one, where he looks kind of pouty. For that pile I said it was like he was kind of waiting to open up this cup that is in front of him that he's looking at. It has stars on it, so it's like his cup of hope? And the knight of cups is usually seen as a love offer, (though I typed over so again, I think someone out there is leaving someone?) so like this star cup, when he opens it, will have that offer for you? Like his heart is in there for you (not physically like his organ lmao). And with 7 of wands, I almost wonder if maybe you're defensive to let it in or maybe they're even too defensive to open up that cup? Someone here is defensive, but I don't think that's needed because I see so much stability with this. Like, we have the King of Pentacles here. So, not only do I think one or both of you are doing okay like financially (like, able to pay the bills and maybe have a nice roof over your head), but I also just see it as stable. Like, they're a shelf and your love is safe to place on. Does that make sense? Omg I'm so corny in this pile I love it. Both the Lover's and two of cups are these soft cards. Like, physically, these two cards from these decks look so soft. The love in these cards, guys. Phew. The two of cups shows this lady kind of hanging on this man, and they have these soft, fond gazes at each other. And then, with the lovers in the other deck, it's so sweet. She's kissing the other girl's cheek and they just look like they're content in the moment? So, I definitely see this as something fulfilling for you both, like you're both gonna be such suckers for each other. Probably constantly getting those heart eyes. Like, think Evie and O'Connell heart eyes, if you've ever seen The Mummy from 1999. Like, the looks they give each other. I'm totally getting those vibes. Maybe you two are going to be really snarky to each other too? But you’ll find it so endearing. Another thing I want to add is that I think you two are going to be perfectly balanced like literally Yin and Yang. I mean, one girl on the lovers card is all white and the other is all black. And then on the two of cups, They're kind of contrasted in terms of hair. Also! Bottom card energy for one deck was Justice, so yes. Definitely balance and yin and yang. I think this also goes back to the King of Pentacles, like I almost even get that Two of Pentacles energy of balancing out things, but being able to do so whereas the other twos kind of are about choices. But this one isn't. And it's weird, because sometimes the lovers can be read as choices, but I don't here. Not with this pile. And maybe there is a choice about leaving something/someone, but like I think once that's done and over with, this love comes in. And it could just be simple like a mindset? Like with all the cups here, I definitely think it could be a mindset. Like one that makes you super emotional, so maybe this is an existing relationship that just needs like a change? That's probably for a few of you, but for others, I see that this is something that comes after a shift in mind, or like a physical one. I mean, the song Make Way by The Front Bottoms was playing here, and like, that song is kind of about making space for the new? "I make way for the expensive things in my head." And, I've kind of gotten this Death Card vibe with every pile, and at first I was like not getting that with this pile, but idk, with 6 of swords and 8 of cups, I kind of get that? Like ending something to begin something? Ending with the song Nobody Gets Me (Like You) by Wallows, and I think this is what its going to feel like with this person. This pile is so cute. :) Things that could be relevant: Gemini, Libra, water signs, Capricorn (Pentacles are earth, but I really get a cap vibe with this one today), heart eyes, The Mummy lol

[unwhithered]

Portamis "I envy anyone who has the pleasure to be loved by you"

Sorry it ended up Jedi!Musketeers because I’m fighting with that fic right now and it’s kind of all I can think about. Also, like, really long and full of pining. Idk. 

A Jedi does not pout. So it’s a good thing Porthos is still a padawan, and long sullen silences and brooding stares - while frowned upon - are considered natural behaviors among human adolescents. Learning opportunities, rather than personal failings. Master Treville is not particularly impressed by this way of thinking. Neither is he impressed with Porthos’ ability to meditate and release his feelings into the Force - at least not these feelings. His solution only worsens Porthos’ foul mood.

“The outer rim? For how long?” 

“I don’t know.”

“You don’t--” They rarely know, which is the only reason Porthos bites his tongue and redirects his glare down at his plate. He can’t help mumbling his displeasure to the pile of mashed potatoes. “They’re not even part of the Republic.”

“And yet they asked for our help, so we go. It’ll be good for you to get some distance from the chaos of Coruscant.” Treville’s gaze is heavy, as is the weight of his concern just at the edge of Porthos’ awareness. His Master is a serious man, a warrior-knight rather than a scholar, but Porthos knows by now to listen when he offers guidance. His Master has never led him wrong or left him to suffer without help. “And by the time we get back Aramis will have moved on from his latest infatuation.”

“Master.”

Treville snorts and shakes his head. “Do you think I am deaf and blind and cut off from the Force all at once, Porthos? You’ve been sulking since Aramis started chasing that Senate page, and his Master has been equally irritated with his increasingly ridiculous behavior.” The affectionate frustration he radiates in the Force only makes Porthos flush and look anywhere but at his Master’s knowing face. “Jealousy is unbecoming of a Jedi. Ah, do not lie to me by denying it. You’ve never been good at hiding your feelings, pup, not from me. You’ve been head over heels for that boy since he first took your hand in the creche. I thought you’d at least have the decency to do something about it by now.”

Porthos shoves his plate away, no longer hungry. What little he ate sits like a rock in his stomach. “A Jedi does not have attachments,” he responds flatly. But oh, he is attached. Attached in a way Aramis never has been, at least not to him. It’s not so bad watching him chase members of other genders, other species for meaningless flirtations and short flings - but watching him fall for a human boy? Porthos didn’t realize it would hurt so much to see that Aramis could love someone like him, without loving him.

“And yet here you are, attached to him, to Athos. And here I am, attached to you, and to my Master, and to my friends.” Treville spreads his hands in a universal gesture of helplessness. Thick, scarred fingers and calloused palms that Porthos has seen kill and coddle and hold the weight of the galaxy. The hands that picked him up at five years old and held him as Treville promised that he was not alone anymore, that there were others like him, and that he would be safe. The hands that have picked him up and dusted him off and put him back on his feet a thousand times since. “But I will do my duty to the Republic and the Order and above all the Force regardless of its impact on the ones I love. So will you, I hope. That is all the code requires of us - we may love, but only unselfishly.”

Porthos shifts uncomfortably under Treville’s hard gaze, finally making eye contact when his Master growls, “Look at me, Porthos. At the moment, you are being selfish. And stupid. And I won’t have either. That boy has been looking at you like you hung the stars for as long as I can remember, so either get your head out of your ass and do something about it before we leave for the other side of the galaxy or accept that you will never know what might have happened if you acted. Whichever you choose, do it out of my sight. You have two days to sort yourself out before our ship leaves.”

With that Treville pushes away from their small kitchen table, leaving Porthos with the dishes that they usually clean up together. He shoves them haphazardly in the washer and storms out of the apartment without any idea where he’s headed.

----

Without any conscious thought, Porthos’ feet lead him to the door of the apartment Aramis shares with Master An. He doesn’t even have time to raise his hand to knock before the door slides open and Aramis appears, only to stop short when he sees Porthos in the hall. Not answering because he sensed Porthos’ approach, then. Just a coincidence. Aramis’ smile is wide and pleased regardless.

“Porthos, what can I do for you my friend?”

“It’s, uh…” Porthos shifts awkwardly as he realizes that Aramis is dressed up, or as dressed up as a Jedi ever gets. His tunic and tabards have obviously been pressed and he’s wearing the blue cloak and sash that look so good against his skin tone. Clearly he’s going out to meet that boy. Again. “It’s nothing that can’t wait ‘til you get back.”

“No, no, I insist.” Aramis waves Porthos inside and directs him to the well-worn couch nearest the door, sinking down to sit opposite him on the edge of the low table. “I always have time for you. Now, tell me why you’re looking at me like...that.”

“No reason,” Porthos lies, badly. He’s never been good at it. Not in front of the people that matter, even though he can bluff his way through a sabacc game as well as any professional. “Just came to tell you Master Treville an’ I’ve been assigned to some backwater in the Outer Rim. Might be awhile before we’re home again.”

“Oh. Let me just...” Aramis frowns and immediately fishes his comm out of a hidden pocket, tapping out a message without ever looking away from Porthos. “There, canceled, now we can spend the evening together.”

“Don’t cancel your date on my account,” Porthos mumbles, looking at the floor guiltily as a small thrill of satisfaction bubbles in his chest.

“Dearest Porthos, I would cancel nearly anything on your account, especially when you’re about to leave me. Even drinks with a very beautiful man.”

There, the spike of jealousy Porthos has been wrestling with for two months rears its ugly head. He pushes it down violently - a very unJedi like response - and hopes Aramis doesn’t notice. Because he’s never that lucky, Aramis immediately leans into his space and fixes him with a concerned gaze. 

“It’s not the mission that has you so upset. What is it?” Invading someone else’s mind without consent is a violation, especially among Jedi, but Aramis doesn’t have to go digging to discover what Porthos is feeling. They’ve shared a bond too long to hide the broad strokes of emotion from each other. “Is that,” Aramis’ eyes widen. Porthos looks away again. “Jealousy. But of what, or whom?”

“Don’t act like you don’t know.”

“I truly don’t, unless you want me to go poking through your head to find out.”

“No. I…” Porthos hesitates. Forces himself to look up, to face Aramis and the confusing ball of emotion he causes head on. “I am jealous of your company. You must know, Aramis. I envy anyone who has the pleasure to be loved by you. I always have.”

“Oh.” Aramis lets out a heavy sigh and his face does something complicated. And then, worst of all, he laughs. Even in Porthos’ cruelest daydreams he hadn’t imagined Aramis would laugh in his face. “You stupid, wonderful man. Do you not realize that no matter who else there is, I will always love you best?”

“Not like that,” Porthos growls, already halfway to his feet. Maybe Master Treville would allow them to leave early for their mission to escape this mortification.

Aramis stands as well, blocking his path and seizing him by the shoulders. “Exactly like that, you idiot.” 

And then, somehow, they’re kissing. It’s not the first time, but it feels very different than when Aramis had suggested the three of them practice on each other as they fumbled their way into adolescence together. Aramis knows what he’s doing now and by the time they separate Porthos is no less confused, but reluctant to let Aramis go. Instead they hover nose to nose, close enough that Aramis’ long eyelashes brush Porthos’ cheek.

“I will always love you best, Porthos,” he whispers. “I was simply too stupid to realize you felt the same. You do, don’t you?”

Porthos answers him with a kiss.

[smhalltheurlsaretaken]

You've got SO MANY intriguing WIPs that I couldn't just choose one x) Can I get to know about "Vandermeer returns", "Aramis reveal" and/or "Musketeer puppies" pwetty pwease?

Mwahahah. So, you know about the Vandermeer returns. Essentially, weird space stuff sends Vandermeer on La Sirena, and feels ensue - namely, Picard and Alonzo are forced to confront the fact that they are kinda terrible dads. Hugs all around. Q may or may not have been involved.

Musketeers puppies... Well, Tréville finds a big dog, a little puppy and two cats in the Inseparables’ rooms. It’s just pure fluff for them a big headache for him.

The Aramis reveal is my favorite. So, in Anime Sanjushi, a cutesy Japanese adaptation from the 90′s, Aramis is... a woman. As in, a very beautiful, very feminine woman named Renée, who’s pretending to be a dude so she can avenge her dead fiancé. Treville knows, but Porthos and Athos *never find out* even though we know from like... episode 4 out of 52. That fandom is ridiculously tiny, but dammit, I want mah angsty reveal! So there, basically it’s a post series AU where she takes a knife to the ribs and isn’t well enough to patch herself up, as she usually does, and Athos is with her. 

Here, have a snippet of each (except I’m terrible at snippets so they’re actually a bit too long, oops). 

Vandermeer comeback:

Q, who had lived billions of years and had the IQ and memory that went along with quasi-omnipotence and immortality, had also forgotten Jean-Luc. It sounded unbelievable even to him. Q loved humans. They were the most fun he’d had in forever (quite literally), especially their puny, righteous, headstrong starship captains. And Jean-Luc Picard had always been his favorite. But to a Q, an absence of several dozens of Standard Federation years was little more than slip of the mind, the blinking of the eyes that preceded a snap of the fingers in sudden remembrance.  

 It was a question of scale. Proportionally, Picard’s neglect was the greatest, and it thus vexed Q to no end to realize that Jean-Luc had banished him from his mind. It was fortunate for him that he remembered their friendship in that particular century, and not a thousand years hence.

 Musketeer-puppies:

"… Aramis?" Treville wondered aloud. 

Had somebody trained those creatures as well? The small feline tilted its head and meowed again, proudly. Treville dragged a hand across his face. There was no way. 

"D'Artagnan?" He called. 

The puppy barked enthusiastically.

Good God, what in the devil. 

"Porthos?" Treville tried, feeling terribly stupid.

The huge bear of a dog gave a friendly woof, perking up. That only left… 

"… Athos?" 

The grey cat's head snapped in his direction and its eyes narrowed. Its tail flicked stiffly, claws peeking from beneath the fluffy fur of its front paws. 

Good Lord.

Treville closed his eyes for a second, for fear that they would pop out of his skull. Sacré putain de bordel de merde. Either this was the work of an absolute madman who had studied the mannerisms of Athos, Porthos, Aramis and d'Artagnan for months and managed to drill them into savant beasts, or he had a huge, gigantic, monumental problem to deal with. 

Only one way to find out. 

"Do you understand me?" Treville asked, the voice in the back of his head wondering how the hell his three best men always managed to bring him to unheard of levels of stupidity and ridiculousness.

Aramis reveal:

Aramis huffed a small laugh – still impaled by the knife, mind you – wincing when it pulled on the muscles of his abdomen. 

"And a feather bed and a hot bath too, and maybe even some music? I do not need to be coddled," he said as Athos was retrieving his water skin and untying his sash, preparing for the gruesome task of removing the offending weapon. 

"You love hot baths," Athos pointed out, arching an eyebrow. 

Aramis was certainly the cleanest soldier in all the regiment, his hair never matted or uncombed and his clothes smelling like lemon and lavender, from the Parisian laundresses' favored scented soaps. Aramis smiled good humoredly, watching Athos without only faint  – and quite warranted – apprehension.

"I'm still a soldier. Just pull that out and bring me back to the garrison, I'll be fine." 

What? 

"What?" Athos blinked. "Aramis, you have a knife sticking out of your stomach. Paris is still half a day's ride away. Stop speaking nonsense."

[kayteewritessteve]

Love and War - The Makings Of This Story.

DON’T READ THIS UNLESS YOU’VE FINISHED LOVE AND WAR!!!

HUUUUUGE **SPOILERS** BELOW!!!

Love and War’s Masterlist can be found HERE.

But anywho, this is for anyone who is interested. It is a behind the scenes look into this series and what makes it up. There is break downs of all the characters names and who they each represented. Plus an insight into the real story of Aphrodite: the Goddess of Love, Ares: the God of War, and Hephaestus: the God of Fire, Craftsmanship, Blacksmiths and Volcanoes. Along with all the other Gods and Goddess’ that played a hand in their story.

The Main Characters.

Y/N - Aphrodite, the Goddess of Love and Beauty.

Steve/Alarick - Ares, the God of War.

The name Alarick means: Noble Leader or a Wolf ruler, Fierce, Supreme ruler of all.

Bucky/Harlin - Hermes the God of Trade, Thieves and Travellers. And many other things.

The name Harlin means: Noble Friend and Noble Warrior.

Natasha/Premala/Dabria - Peitho is the Goddess of Persuasion, Seduction and Charming Speech. But also Aphrodites handmaiden and attendant, and the wife of Hermes.

The name Premala means: A loving and caring person.

The name Dabria means: An angel of death.

Alexander Pierce/Hepha - Hephaestus the God of Fire, Craftsmanship, Blacksmiths and Volcanoes. Plus a few other things, but honestly who cares haha.

The name Hepha was just shortened from the original name, due entirely to it just being easier to pronounce. And the fact finding a shitty name to give him that started with H was impossible.

It never ended up coming up, but I always envisioned Alexander Pierce as Hepha in my head. So there is some insight into that for you all.

Brock/Charandas - Cedalion is Hephaestus’ servant.

The name Charandas means: Servant or one who serves his master.

Joesph/Athos - Zeus the King of the Gods and the God of the Sky, Lightening and Thunder.

The name Athos means: It’s actually another name for Zeus. So, fun fact there!

Sarah/Hypatia - Hera the Queen of the Gods and the Goddess of Marriage and Birth.

The name Hypatia means: A supreme woman.

Carol Danvers/Amaris - Artemis the Goddess of the Hunt, the Forest and Hills, and the Moon.

The name Amaris means: ‘child of the moon’ or ‘given by God’.

Once again, Carol’s name never came to light in the story, but she is who I envisioned as Amaris.

The Three Graces - Attendants to Aphrodite.

Pepper/Aalin - Aglaia represents Elegance, Brightness and Splendour.

The name Aalin means: Beautiful, calm, fair, graceful and serene.

Hilde/Tyarra - Thalia represents Youth, Beauty and Good Cheer.

The name Tyarra means: A young, tender and attractive person.

Hope/Edden - Euphrosyne represents Mirth and Joyfulness.

The name Edden means: Delight, Joy and the one who has great ambition and strength.

Peggy Carter/Aasira - Athena the Goddess of War. I was originally going to give her a larger part in this story and make her Peggy in the mortal plane, but decided against that plan half way through writing this story. Though I would still like to address the name change from Athena to Aasira.

The name Aasira means: Brave, strong and a powerful fighter who can conquer and imprison enemies.

Peggy also never came to light in the story. But she started off as Aasira in my head.

The other names in this story:

Thor/Thorfinn.

The name Thorfinn means: Strength of a Thunder.

Loki/Uruloki.

The name Uruloki means: Fire breathing dragon. (hahaha. So there’s that.)

Sam/Samuel.

The name Samuel means: It was told by the God.

Tony/Anthony.

The name Anthony means: They are unique and a priceless flower. (So that is super fitting for Tony.)

Clint/Clinttun.

The name Clinttun means: One who hails from the highland estate. (Or in my mind, someone who is up high, which is also fitting here. Sort of.)

And finally Scott aka Scott. Which yeah, there is no meaning here. Sooo just go with it.

The Story Behind the Story.

This series is based loosely on actual Greek mythology, and some of the tales surrounding Aphrodite, Ares, and Hephaestus. But also some myths around Hermes, Peitho, The 3 Graces, Cedalion, Zeus, Hera and Athena. Some of the tales are from The Odyssey, The Iliad, and a few from more recent works.

The parts that I stuck to are:

- Hermes and Peitho are married.

- Hephaestus imprisoned Hera in a golden throne to force Zeus to give him Aphrodites hand in marriage. But Zeus also wanted to marry Aphrodite off quickly to prevent the other Gods from fighting over her.

- Peitho and The 3 Graces/Charites are Aphrodite’s attendants and closes advisers.

- Ares and Hermes are the closes Gods can be to best friends. Supposedly.

- Hephaestus is the God of Craftsmanship, and Volcanoes. Hence why I choose for him to trap her under a Volcano. Did I mention that? Shit. I hope so.

- Zeus and Hera are the parents of Ares.

- Zeus isn’t fond of Aphrodites disreputable and promiscuous ways. Though he isn’t really one to talk what with his own insanely promiscuous ways, soooo.

- Ares and Aphrodite have a long standing love affair, which goes behind Hephaestus’ back. And he does find out about it.

- Hephaestus is rumoured to have a bad leg, which he was either born with or Zeus made lame by force. Either or.

- Aphrodite does actually attempt to trick Hephaestus into believing that Athena is in love with him, in an attempt to get out of marrying him. However, Athena is rumoured to have never loved anyone, and after Hephastus nearly rapes her, does he finally realize Aphrodite had actually tricked him.

- Aphrodite does in fact hate Hephaestus, meaning she definitely doesn’t love him.

- Cedalion is actually Hephaestus’ attendant.

- Mytikas is actually the highest peak of Olympus, where it is believed the Gods reside.

- It is believed the Artemis was the Goddess that created Lycans. She also went by the name Selene, who is believed to be the mother of all Werewolves and Lycans, alike.

The parts that I altered are:

- In some accounts Aphrodite and Hephaestus are actually supposed to be the married ones. And in others, Hephaestus is married to another, and Aphrodite is the unmarried concert of Ares. So I sort of pulled from both.

- The fact everyone is related and sleeping together, yeah, I altered that fact for sure.

- Aphrodite basically being the worst of them all, and sleeping with damn near every God on Olympus. Get it girl.

- Obviously Hephaestus doesn’t trap Aphrodite under a Valcano for thousands of years. But he does lay a trap for Ares and her once he learns they are having an affair behind his back. The trap catches both of them in the act, and then Hephaestus brings all the Gods in to humiliate them both as revenge. That’s sort of where my inspiration came from. Sort of.

Lycan Vs Werewolf.

As for why I chose Lycans instead of Werewolves, the answer is quite simple really. Werewolves were believed to be created by witchcraft, whereas Lycans were created by the Gods. And as I knew all along that Artemis’ character would create the Lycan army for Ari, it all stood to reason that I’d pick them to be Lycans over Werewolves. Plus Lycans are believed to be stronger, faster, smarter and harder to kill. So that worked in my favour as well.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Anywho, that’s all from me. This series is finished and now on to new and interesting stories! So stay tuned!

[padfootagain]

The Disadvantages Of Courage

I'm answering a request that was sent for Aramis, where it was asked that Aramis would ask the help of the reader for a mission but she would end up wounded. Thank you for your request anon! I hope you will like what I wrote for you :)

Warnings for a mix of angst and fluff… **devilish laughter**

I hope you all like this!

Gif not mine

Word Count: 3904

"I can't see a thing."

"We must be certain that the count is inside before walking in."

"There is no way to see what's inside that inn from here, Athos."

The four Musketeers exchanged a glance, but for a moment, none of them spoke. Around them, the street of Paris was full of people too busy to care about four soldiers leaning against the wall of a house. The late afternoon had brought orange hues to the light of the sun, colouring the sky in a mix of blue and gold. The rain of the morning had left no trace in the heavens, but on the ground the streets were still muddy.

On the other side of the street, the inn where the missing nobleman was probably held prisoner stood out by its darker walls of wood, when the surrounding houses were made of a lighter shades of rock. But the establishment was without a doubt filled with enemies. In this darker part of Paris, it was of common knowledge that the inn was filled with dangerous men. If the Musketeers didn't lack the talent to fight their way through the inn, there was no need to take such a risk for nothing. Before they could move forward and enter the establishment, they needed to make sure that the count was there, and to learn where he was held hostage. If they weren't quick enough to reach him, his kidnappers could either run away with him and take him to another unknown location, or they could choose to kill him rather than lose their hostage. In either way, it was a major risk to take.

"I could sneak inside and take a look," D'Artagnan earnestly offered, but all three of his friends shook their head.

"You’d be recognized as a Musketeer in a second and killed before we can help you," Porthos replied.

"You have so little faith in my ability to survive," the younger man fought back with a teasing tone that made the rest of the soldiers smile.

"We do need to send someone inside though."

Athos’ tone let the Musketeers know that he already had a name in mind, but he didn’t say it out loud. Instead, he merely turned to Aramis, who let out a sigh in response.

"Is it really a good idea?"

"I heard they were looking for a waitress."

"A waitress? Athos…"

"We cannot rush inside without making a bet on the count’s life. We need to know where he is first. We need her help."

Aramis shook his head, but yielded anyway.

"Alright, I’ll ask Y/N then."

It was written all over his features that Aramis wasn't convinced by Athos' idea. Oh, it wasn't a lack of trust in you at all. On the contrary, he trusted you more than anyone else. But as his brown eyes travelled across the front of the inn, where two drunks were fighting in the mud, he didn't want to ask for your help at all…

… what if something happened to you?

 ---------------------------------------------------------

 "Y/N, we shall stand forever in your debt."

"Yes, yes… never mind that. Just tell me what I have to do."

You readjusted your dress, feeling the corset a little too tight to your liking. Constance had without a doubt been a little overzealous.

"Just get in, say that you’re looking for a job," Athos explained as you walked through the street. "Get out as soon as you find where the count is held. Do not play the hero."

You nodded, shivering in the cold evening air. Spring was barely here after all, March stretching its late frost and storms upon Paris. The very morning, the rooftops were covered in a shimmering white layer that the early rain had washed away. The thin shawl that you had wrapped around your bare shoulders was far from enough to protect you from the chilly breeze.

On your right, Constance was pestering against the Musketeers, which was not surprising coming from her.

"I should be the one doing it," she protested.

"I can do it, Constance," you replied with an amused smile.

"Oh, Y/N, be careful…"

You gave your friend a reassuring smile, and turned towards the street. After a deep breath, you had calmed down your beating heart enough to control the way you breathed the chilly air. There was a tight knot in your stomach but you ignored it. After all, Aramis was asking for your help, there was no way you could have refused. Moreover, you reckoned that if he thought you would be hurt, he wouldn't have asked you. He had always been protective towards you, after all.

You were ready to head for the inn across the street, when Aramis held you back. His hold on your forearm was delicate, almost tender. And when your eyes met his, he had captured your gaze and gave you no chance to look away.

He had not spoken since he had come to your home to ask you for a favour. He had answered with a smile when you accepted to help them, but during the whole walk to the inn, he had remained wrapped in a cloak of silence that you didn’t know how to take off of his frame.

When he finally spoke, his voice was deep and low, and he was bad at hiding the hint of worry that tainted his tone.

"Be careful in there," he ordered, his voice more commanding than you had anticipated. "If anything goes wrong, get out, no matter if you’ve found the count or not."

You nodded and gave him a reassuring smile. After all, it wasn’t the first time you joined one of the Musketeers’ missions.

Without a word, you advanced through the muddy street, Aramis’ hold on your arm soon fading away. But you couldn’t help noticing the way his fingers lingered on your skin, as if he didn’t want to let go…

You pushed the thought away though. You had more important matters to attend to.

You had a mission to complete.

 -----------------------------------------------------------

 The place was filled with filth and liquor. These were the two only things that you could focus on. The tables were sticky, and you didn't dare to think about what could have caused it in the first place. A fire was dying at one end of the room. On the other side, men were playing cards and shouting at each other, accusing their neighbour of cheating.

The rest of the place was filled with drunk men. They smelled of sweat, dirt and cheap spirit. All you wanted was to go home and take a bath. So much filth surrounding you made you feel like it was clinging at your very skin too by now.

You hadn't managed to get such a good view of any room other than this one for now. You knew there were a few bedrooms upstairs… in which only things you would rather not think about would happen. There were two backrooms, but you had merely been in the first one, where the liquor was stored. There was another that followed, but it was locked, and for now you had no clue where the key was.

You weren't sure you could complete your mission in just one evening, but you had to try. You were careful at listening to the conversations that were led around the inn, even though for now you had not learnt anything interesting.

You were walking across the room to fetch more wine when a man grabbed your arm. You recognized his uniform easily. He was a soldier.

"How much for the night?" he crudely asked, and you couldn't refrain the disgust that coloured your features as an answer.

"I'm not that kind of woman."

"Everyone has a price."

"I said no."

You struggled to free yourself from his grasp, but his hold was too strong. He turned towards the owner of the inn, and asked his disgusting question again.

"How much for the new girl?"

You didn't care about the price he answered with. Because instead, you were thinking about a way to turn the situation to your advantage.

This man, as filthy as he was, would be taking you upstairs. You merely had to knock him out and you would be able to explore the other rooms. That could work.

You weren't so worried about being able to get rid of him. The Musketeers had been teaching you how to defend yourself for years, and the baboon was so drunk that he could barely stand on his feet. You would have no trouble getting away.

You turned towards the soldier again, and slowly nodded.

"Alright, let's get a room then," you offered, and he staggered towards the stairs, pulling you behind him.

You promised yourself to not tell Aramis about this. The soldier would have deserved to be taught a lesson, but Aramis's rage when it came to protecting you was too much to your taste. You didn't know where this feeling of his came from. You guessed that he was like this with all his friends. Or perhaps he saw you almost like a sister. Even if you really didn't see a brother in him…

You shook the thoughts that clouded your mind away and focused upon the task at hand again. You climbed up the stairs, the ground sticky under your boots, just like everything else in this filthy place. Up the stairs, the long, narrow corridor with no window was cloaked in darkness, that only a little chandelier at the end of it was breaking. There were two men waiting before a door. You immediately noticed the pistols and swords on their belt. The door they guarded was closed, but the others in the corridor were wide open. You guessed that there was no further question to ask yourself: this was the right room. You merely had to warn the Musketeers now…

You entered the room next to the guards, taking the lead and guiding the drunk soldier inside. You saw the way that man before the door looked at you, but you ignored it, and promised yourself to punch this one as well.

The door had barely closed that you checked the window. You were on the right side of the building, you could guess Aramis' shape leaning against a house on the other side of the street, right on the side of a shop that sold alcohol.

Perfect.

"Alright, let's not waste time," the man behind you groaned.

"You're right," you agreed with a smile.

And before he could make a movement in your direction, you had grabbed the chandelier on the bedside table and hit him hard on the temple with it, making him fall to the ground.

As expected, no problem so far.

"Men…" you sighed with disgust, before opening the window.

In less than a second, Aramis was staring at you. You pointed at the window of the room next to yours, and he gave you a quick nod. Just enough time to tell his friends, and the four Musketeers were marching towards the inn.

You hesitated, but wanted to help them. So instead of staying safely in the room, you decided to get back downstairs. Besides, you didn't want to spend more time next to the soldier…

You opened the door in the calmer manner that you could manage and stepped in the corridor. You advanced towards the stairs without paying any attention to the two men on sentry, but one of them called for you anyway.

"Where's the man who was with you?" he asked in an aggressive tone.

"He was too drunk, he fell asleep," you replied without turning towards him.

Before you could defend yourself, he had grabbed you by the throat and roughly pushed you against the wall. Your back pressed against the hard surface was aching, and you were starting to get out of breath already, the man's hold tightening.

"Who are you?" he suspiciously questioned.

"Just the waitress," you replied in a breath, choking and feeling your lungs burning for more air now.

He opened his mouth to reply, but the sounds of fighting from downstairs interrupted him before he could let out a sound.

You seized the distraction to kick him in the shin, and pushed him away.

You had barely gotten out of his grasp and finally filled your lungs with air again that Porthos and Aramis were appearing at the top of the stairs, right next to you.

You were still leaning against the wall when gunshots were exchanged. Aramis was suddenly before you, getting between you and the rascals.

The door was opened and three more men walked out, firing at your two friends, a bullet exploding the wall right next to your cheek.

Then it was all about the glimmer of blades in the dim candlelight, until a fourth man walked out, pointing his gun at Aramis.

You didn't hesitate, hurrying towards him and hitting his arm to make sure the gunshot would not wound the Musketeer. The detonation echoed through the corridor, but you were too busy to worry about where the bullet had flown to. Instead, you grabbed a knife on the floor and planted it in the man's side, making him fall to the ground with a shout.

Inside the gloomy room, a rich-looking man was tied up to a chair, gagged, but apparently unharmed.

It didn't take long for the Musketeers to get rid of the guards, and Porthos was soon striding in the room to free the count.

A smile formed on your face.

Mission accomplished.

But your smile turned into a frown as you realized that your shoulder was aching. You reached up to rub it to ease the pain, but frowned even harder as you felt that it was wet.

"Y/N!"

Aramis' voice sounded so scared, you turned to him with a questioning look. But then you looked at the hand you had rested on your shoulder, and you understood his cry.

Your fingers were covered with blood.

You started to feel weak, your legs turning numb and your head spinning. You looked down to find a little puddle of blood at your feet. You were bleeding so much…

Before you would lose your balance, Aramis had already caught you in his arms.

"Stay with me," he commanded, but his voice was trembling and his dark eyes were filled with fear. "Y/N, stay with me. You're going to be fine."

"Aramis…"

He put you down on the ground in the most delicate way, before turning to inspect your shoulder in a hurry. Athos and D'Artagnan appeared by his side, looking at you with wide eyes.

"We need to get her to the garrison," Aramis commanded, pressing a few pieces of clothes against your wound, and you wondered where he got them from before the pain made all coherent thoughts fade away.

"Aramis…"

You weren't sure if your voice was a whisper or a shout. It sounded like a whisper to your ears, but you were so overtaken by fear that you wanted to cry.

Aramis wrapped a bandage around your shoulder, before carrying you in his arms.

"Just stay with me," he spoke again, his voice more begging this time. "Y/N, don't leave me…"

You were in and out of consciousness by now. Blinking in and out of the world. The stairs. The street.  A carriage… how had you ended up in a carriage? The starry sky. A lamppost. The garrison…

All along, Aramis' arms around your frame were there. A constant through it all.

The carriage came to a stop, your eyes blinking and meeting Aramis' dark ones. You realized that he had been talking to you, but you had to focus to hear his voice. For a moment, his lips were silently moving, and nothing more. You could see the fear in his eyes though. Fear and pain… and… were these… regrets?

The words you caught sounded like a whisper to you, although you guessed he was speaking much louder than that.

"Y/N, you can't leave me. Please, don't leave me… not you. Not now. Not like this. Please…"

He sounded so scared… in the dim light, you could barely distinguish his features. But anyway, you knew them by heart. Every single detail was carved in your memory. After all, you saw him every night in your dreams…

You felt weaker than you had ever felt before. And suddenly, the realization struck you.

What if you died tonight?

A million thoughts ran through your mind then, but there was one that you couldn't manage to push away.

What if you had no other chance to tell Aramis how you truly felt?

You had always thought that you had so much time ahead… years still to tell him the truth. But now? Now you wondered if instead you didn't have a mere minute or two left.

But where could you begin? You had so much to tell him and all of a sudden, mere seconds to speak them all…

You stared at his dark brown eyes for a moment. Somehow, you brain was shushed for a second. Instead of endless questions and a thousand thoughts, you were left with nothing but his two brown eyes to stare into. And the words that you needed to speak seemed so easy to find, after all. They were the simplest and yet most meaningful of all. You had always known them, had always carried them in your heart. They were simply on your tongue too now, for the first time.

Your voice was just a whisper, but you knew he had heard you as you breathed the words out.

"I love you, Aramis."

His eyes grew a little round, but he quickly shook himself and opened his mouth to speak again. You saw his lips starting to move, but he knew that you were already too far gone to hear him.

Before you would be carried inside the building, your eyelids closed by themselves.

And the last thing you saw were these two brown eyes you adored drowning in withheld tears.

 -----------------------------------------------------------------

 Why had he never told you?

He had never asked himself this question, but now, it kept on coming back again and again in his mind.

For years you had been friends. For so long he had known that his feelings for you were beyond friendship. He could have told you thousands of times. Why hadn't he?

He knew the answer. He had always thought that the two of you had a whole lifetime ahead. He loved his adventurous life. Sometimes, he wondered about himself, about his path, about his choices, but at the end of the day, when he closed his eyes right before falling asleep, he was certain that this danger he was surrounded by was his element. He loved danger, and fights and he couldn’t deny the truth. He also longed for peace, but until now, he had never been ready to give up on the excitement that currently filled up his life.

He reached for your hand, your fingers cold against his, your skin softer than his calloused palm. Your motionless form lying in his bed, you looked so tired… but if you had lost quite a lot of blood, the wound would heal, with just a little time and patience.

Your recovery didn't change the fact that he had almost lost you.

Why had he never told you that he loved you?

He had always thought that he had a lifetime ahead of him. Perhaps it wasn't so. Perhaps he should tell you as soon as possible. Perhaps he had already lost too much time…

But your words told him he was right on time, actually.

Had you uttered these words merely because you thought you were dying? Did they truly mean…?

Yes, they did. He could see the truth in your eyes as you spoke them out loud. He regretted that you couldn't hear back his answer though…

You stirred, tearing him away from his thoughts, and he focused on your face again. Exhaustion was painted all over your features. His heart was overwhelmed by this tidal wave of affection that always washed over him every time he laid eyes on you. It never failed. It hadn't failed in years.

He knew it would never fail.

You cleared your throat, your eyes travelling across the room, and Aramis answered your question before you could ask it.

"You're at the garrison. In my room. We had to reach a safe place where I could take care of your shoulder. You were shot. Do you remember?"

You nodded.

"How long have I been out?"

"A few hours. It's still night though."

Aramis rose from the chair he was sitting in and moved on the side of the bed instead.

"You're going to heal. You just need rest," he reassured you. "You're going to stay here for a few days, so I can keep an eye on you."

You smiled up at him.

"Thank you, for looking after me."

"Always."

Memories from the incident slowly came back to you, like a street appearing as the fog was lifted by the wind and sun. You remembered the inn, the carriage, the night filled with stars, the garrison, Aramis holding you against him…

… and the words you had confessed.

He could read in your eyes that you remembered it. You looked a little uneasy all of a sudden, a little shy.

He gave you a smile.

"You remember what you told me, right?"

You slowly nodded. There was no point in denying it.

"I was dying, for my humble defence," you tried to joke, but your throat was too tight for it to sound convincing.

His smile faltered.

"Do you regret telling me? Did you not mean it?"

You took a sharp intake of breath.

"I did mean it. I don't know if I was right to tell you though…"

His smile was back on his lips in the blink of an eye, tainted with a hint of mischief this time as well, and he intensely stared at you as he spoke again, his thumb softly rubbing the back of your fingers in a sweet caress.

"What if I told you that I feel the same? Would you regret telling me still?"

Your heart stopped. You were not breathing anymore, somehow, your brain didn't know how to.

A grin formed on your lips without you noticing, and you slowly shook your head.

"No, I reckon I wouldn't mind then," you breathed.

He reached to brush his fingertips down your cheek, a tender smile on his lips. He had waited for so long to speak these words, and had always expected it to be such a hard truth to confess. But actually, he found that it was easy to let the words slip through.

"I love you, Y/N."

He let out a low chuckle.

"There was no need to be so dramatic and to get shot to get me to say it though."

You giggled.

"Well, apparently it did."

He slowly shook his head.

"Don't scare me like this again. What would I do without you?"

"Something crazy and stupid, as always," you laughed at him, and he joined you for a moment.

"I'm serious. And now, you know why."

"Do I?"

"You want a proof?"

You took a sharp intake of breath as you noticed that he was leaning down towards your lips. But then there was no space between the two of you.

You guessed that being brave had led you to get shot.

You enjoyed the disadvantages though…

************************

Tag list : @ponycake27 @horsesreign @xinyourdreamsx @jbluevelvet @notkeppeki @daynigt-dreamer-stuff @fudgeflyss @stuckupstucky @snek-shit @suchatinyinfinity @i-padfootblack-things @margot-black

[general-du-vallon]

for @canadiangarrison​. I don’t know that I like it yet so I’m not posting it on AO3 and linking it to the Harry Potter au lololol 

Porthos is sure this is the address. It’s weird though, not what he expected. Then again, what had he expected? Some kind of tower, maybe, or a spindly skinny house, or something drab, or maybe a house with a tartan pattern. Instead it’s a farm. He’s apparated into a field. There is mud. He looks across at Athos, who’s managed to apparate onto the driveway, and picks his way over, rifling his pockets for the little bit of paper he was given after much charming and begging and cajoling and wheedling. When he climbs over the stile Athos raises an eyebrow at Porthos’s muddy shoes so Porthos spells them irritably cleaner to keep the mockery at bay. It doesn’t help: Athos squints into the field. He finds the scrap of paper and examines it, examines the house, and nods.

“This is it,” he says.

“Am I going with you? She’ll be madder the more of us there are,” Athos says.

“You mean she’ll be mad at you too if you go and if you don’t she won’t be,” Porthos says.

“That too. I’ll wait here,” Athos says, perching on the stile and pulling out a book. “You couldn’t do a warming charm, could you?”

“No,” Porthos says, making for the house. He does, though, because he’s a pushover. Athos giggles as the warm air gets into all his ticklish spots.

Scotland looks like any other middle of nowhere, Porthos thinks, looking around him. Except not, because here is a little house dug in to a hillside and Scotland as far as the eye can see is less neat patchwork fields and more slightly terrifying wildness. Porthos can follow the driveway to a lane and then a road, and there are patchwork fields, and far, far away another far, and closer some more buildings. He’s startled by a dog. She surely doesn’t have a dog. It shows very little interest in Porthos, merely glaring and moving out of his path to lie in the lee of the house, with another dog. Sheepdogs, maybe. Working dogs, probably. Porthos is relieved to find an old fashioned rope bell-pull, that at least is in-keeping. He gives it a cheerful tug and stuffs his hands into his pockets. He put on robes for this but they are robes with pockets. Good pockets. He’s happy about his pockets. The doors opens.

“Vallon,” professor McGonagall says, mouth a thin line or irritation.

“Um, yeah,” Porthos says, suddenly thinking this is a very very bad idea she probably has all sorts of reasons for not giving out her address. He scratches the back of his neck.

“Well you’d best come inside,” she says, opening the door wider.

He does, politely removing his shoes and cloak, standing holding both under McGonagall’s scrutiny. She’s wearing a black dress and tartan shawl and her hair is only loosely tugged up into a bun. She looks relaxed. Even casual. She makes a sharp sound and indicates another door. He pushes it open and finds a small room lined with coat hooks, a sink at the ends, wellies everywhere. He hangs up his cloak with the other cloaks and stares in consternation at the muggle coats. There’s a very old ratty Gryffindor scarf and hat, and a red pair of wellies with a badly drawn lion peeling off.

“Well?” McGonagall says, so he comes out.

She closes the door, it has a heavy metal latch, old fashioned. That too is in-keeping. She leads him down the hallway, down three stone steps, and into a big, open kitchen. It’s warm, there’s an Aga and the floor is flagged stone but they’re warm stone - Porthos senses magic in the flags. The light is soft, from side lamps at the far end where there’s an area of overstuffed furniture, beyond a big wood table. There’s a kettle on the hob and as they walk in it whistles, lifting itself off and filling a tea pot with floats down the room to the soft furnishings and a coffee table where there are two pink mugs, fine bone-china, a beautiful sugar blue sugar bowl that matches, a blue milk-jug which doesn’t. There’s a cat curled up in the window, and another comes over to purr and wind itself around Porthos’s legs.

“Not the postman?” Comes a voice from the armchair with a high back, a broad Scottish accent turning the vowels unfamiliar, the chair facing away making the owner of the voice invisible until she stands up and looks over.

She’s small, a little bent, with copious amounts of thick dark grey hair. Her face is lined and sun-beaten, she looks strong. She’s smiling warmly. She’s holding knitting. She gives McGonagall a look and McGonagall gives an exasperated one in return and the woman looks Porthos over once before bursting into a peel of laughter.

“You’re Porthos Vallon,” she says, sounding amused. “Excellent! How ever did you find us? Come, sit. Minerva, get another mug for our guests, and ginger biscuits. I like ginger biscuits, don’t you, Porthos?”

“Not really,” Porthos admits, going over to take the hand she’s holding out, knitting stowed under her arm. She takes his in both hers and smiles up at him, face full of laughter.

“Minerva has lots of complaints about you, it sounds like you liven things up to me though. Then again, I chose to work with nothing but cows and sheep, go weeks without seeing another human. Much the better life, in my opinion,” she says.

“Oh,” Porthos says. “This is your land?”

“Yep. I bought the place in 1969 and I’ve been looking after this earth ever since. Minerva says that makes me an honorary witch,” she says.

“You have me at a disadvantage,” Porthos says. His hand is still held in hers. It’s warm and he finds himself smiling, he adds his other hand to their little knot. “I don’t know your name.”

“That’s right,” she says, grinning widely, eyes sparking with mischief and a certain slyness creeping into her expression. “And you don’t know why Minerva lives here, either.”

“If the two of you would let go of one another so we might sit down?” Mcgonagall says, stiffly, finally coming over.

They both do and Porthos perches on the sofa, not looking away from this new woman. She sits back in her chair with a serene, smug look and goes back to her knitting. Porthos is sure he’s not getting an introduction. Minerva clears her throat and Porthos draws his gaze reluctantly away, helping himself to tea and slumping back in the comfy sofa.

“Thought I’d better find you, before term began,” Porthos says.

“I already reinstated you all as teachers,” Minerva says.

“Yeah,” Porthos says, and clears his throat. “That’s what I thought I’d better see you about.”

“If you tell me you’re not coming back afterall I’ll make you plough the blasted back field by hand without magic, with the plough we’ve bloody well kept from the 18th bloody century,” Minerva says, glaring across at the other woman, who knits on ignoring the look. A third cat comes in, a younger one, and bats at the ball of wool as it twitches.

“No, no, I’m looking forward to teaching again,” Porthos says. “And the others are too, we all missed it believe it or not.”

“Spit it out, Vallon, before I lose what little patience I have for this visit.”

“I dunno what to say,” Porthos admits, sitting up and looking into his teacup. He quite wants one of the ginger biscuits now. It would be something to do with his hands. Minerva lets out a long breath and then softens.

“How about you begin at the beginning?” she says.

“Yeah ok. I went to hunt ice dragons, a bit of adventure, live a bit of life. I thought maybe I’d get a taste for it, maybe I’d… I’ve always thought that stuff in the past might’ve been holding me back, that I was being safe, and yeah, I was a bit. I liked the adventure, I might do more of that in the future. Hands on transfiguration was fun, and I liked thinking on my feet, and I really used my skills.”

“It’s not what you expected?” Minerva asks.

“No, not that. Though, not really what I expected. Since we’ve been back, Aramis has been working on his past stuff, and… I’ve got to thinking, and I want more,” Porthos says, softly. “Seeing everyone in Diagon Alley with their families, and seeing my family around me, I love them all to bits don’t get me wrong but I want more. I want a baby.”

Minerva is silent. Porthos risks looking at her. She’s staring at him in complete shock. Which, fair enough, it’s not a desire he’s ever really made clear to anyone, even himself. Usually when it comes up he’ll cite his age, and Athos’s age, and their complicated situation with Aramis though really it’s very simple and only complicated by idiotic social convention. He lifts his chin defiantly. Just because he’s never been able to choose ‘yes’ to ‘do you want children’ doesn’t mean that ‘no’ was an actual decision. Minerva looks back at him, shock clearing.

“And? What am I to do about this?” she asks.

“We’re gonna adopt. We’re gonna need testimonies are stuff, I wanted to ask you,” Porthos says. “And I’m going to do the first few months of parenting so I’ll need time off,” he ducks his head to hide his smile. “Paternity leave. And then Aramis is probably gonna quit because he quite likes the idea of being a stay at home Dad, but not at once because he loves babies an awful lot but is worried he’s not good enough at it so we’re gonna ease him in and wait until he’s confident. I’m babbling. I’m excited about this.”

“I would be happy to write you as many testimonials you require,” Minerva says. “I will help you start a family, if that’s what you want.”

“I want it,” Porthos says. “I didn’t know how much until I admitted to myself that maybe it’s possible after all. My aunt is gonna help us too, and Aramis’s brother, and d’Artagnan and Constance have both agreed to write letters for us. We found a service that sets up private arrangements, they’re sort of specialists for matching people in different life situations.”

When he looks up again Minerva is looking not at him but at the woman, who’s still knitting but has the softest, sappiest, most affectionate smile on her face. Minerva tsks and gets up abruptly, going to fetch a biscuit tin. She offers Porthos one which isn’t ginger then shows him out. He doesn’t get a name but he knows perfectly well now why it is Minerva lives here. He turns, out on the steps, the dogs still there ignoring him.

“I’m glad you’re happy afterall,” Porthos says. “I always thought you lost someone and just stopped looking.”

“I did,” Minerva says. Then gives him the fiercest look he’s ever received from her: he steps back and raises a hand. “I was hardly ‘looking’. She tried to sell me a pig.”

Porthos does not laugh. Minerva nods and closes the door with great dignity. He really wants to ask for a name, but he can’t bring himself to. The door opens again.

“I didn’t buy the pig,” Minerva clarifies. “So she married me instead.”

Then the door snaps shut and doesn’t open again. Porthos heads back down the path to the gate and out onto the driveway, back to the stile. Athos hops down and throws his arms around Porthos, kissing his cheek, then links their arms and sets them walking. Porthos doesn’t question it, just lets Athos meander for a while, liking having him close.

“She said yes,” Athos says.

“She said yes,” Porthos agrees. “She’s married, to a muggle.”

“Really?” Athos says.

“I’m not to tell anyone,” Porthos says, guilty. Athos sniffs. Porthos blushes a bit. They walk in silence.

“I think she’s known you long enough to know how long that will last,” Athos says, eventually, amusement seeping into his words.

“Maybe. I got no name,” Porthos says, chagrined. Athos does laugh, at that. “What?”

“Porthos, that farm is called Gaw’s Farm, there’s a sign, and the post-box says Elspeth Gaw on it,” Athos says. “And Gaw’s Farm is written on the top of your little bit of paper, along with Elspeth House. There must be other addresses on the farm.”

“She named her house after herself,” Porthos says. “That’s not an obvious thing.”

“No,” Athos agrees. “But it’s also on the post box, and also Professor McGonagall has mentioned an Elspeth, I thought she was a friend they were going for drinks or something.”

“Ok ok,” Porthos says. “Are we ever going to disapparate?”

“I’m side-alonging you, no more fields.”

“You’re horrible,” Porthos grumbles.

He takes Athos’s hand, though, and they twist on the spot, vanishing, leaving nothing but the fields and the empty track and evening drawing in.

[lethaderr-blog]

I usually don’t take a relaxed approach to travel. Whether I’m embarking on a cross-country road trip or hopping from one country to the next by train, I’m usually attempting to cram in as many sights and activities into the day as possible. This trip is completely opposite to my usual jaunts, and I’m now convinced that I need to slow down when I travel. Cruising the Canal du Midi aboard a luxury barge is a stress-free, worry free journey from start to finish. You quickly learn to embrace the leisurely pace that defines slow travel. It’s a chance to relax, rest, and reflect. And it’s exactly what I needed.

European s: Athos du Midi

What’s it like sailing on the Athos du Midi? Think of it as a luxurious, first class hotel that floats down the river. Each day, you’ll spend your mornings exploring a nearby medieval village. In the afternoon, you’ll slowly drift on the Canal du Midi, whether you’re enjoying lunch on the deck or simply taking in the pastoral views. Once you dock, you might choose to wander around another charming village or borrow a bicycle to ride along the canal. Top it all off with another delectable dinner, and it will be time to call it a day.

The best part? You can unpack your luggage and make yourself at home from the moment you arrive. It’s a very easy way to see many places in one trip without feeling rushed or stressed. Unwind and unplug from your daily life as you admire the scenery of the South of . Cruising the Canal du Midi is all about slowly seeing the sights at your own leisure.

The Athos du Midi has five staterooms with the capacity of a maximum of 10 passengers at a time. There are four crew members on board, meaning that you’ll have lots of personal care. There’s a captain, a hostess, a tour guide, and a chef.

What’s Included

holidays in means all-inclusive luxury. From the moment I arrived in Béziers, everything was included! You don’t have to worry about anything on this six night barge cruise. Here’s what’s included:

Transfers to and from Beziers in an air conditioned van

All meals prepared on board by a master chef (breakfast, lunch, and dinner)

All wine throughout the cruise, served with each meal

An open bar of alcoholic and non-alcoholic drinks, including liquor and beer

All excursions and admittance fees to the places noted on the itinerary

facilities and use of the bicycles

There are only a few things not included in the price of your barge cruise: any travel insurance, air transportation to , train transportation to Béziers and gratuities.

About the Athos du Midi

Athos was originally a commercial grain, sand, and wine barge, converted to a luxury hotel barge in 1982. You’d never be able to tell that this barge wasn’t always a first class floating hotel. Perhaps the only remaining connection to Athos’ origins is the association with wine. Rather than transporting barrels of wine, Athos drifts past the vineyards of the Languedoc-Roussillon region of . The wine on board comes from dozens of local vineyards, perfectly paired with our food. While we tasted white, red, and dessert wines in the evening, lunch was made for enjoying fragrant, light pink rosés.

Athos is a traditional hotel barge with charming and elegant decor. There’s air conditioning throughout the hotel barge so you’ll always feel comfortable, even during the hot, summer months.

My favorite area of the Athos du Midi is the spacious sundeck. There’s a large canopy over the wooden dining table, so you can stay in the shade and read a good book. However, if it’s a sunny day (we only had sunny days without rain!), it’s best to pull your chair into the sunshine, lean back, and marvel at the view.

Boating holidays in are meant to be leisurely. We meandered along at a slow speed of about 3mph. I admired the picturesque, rolling hills and vibrant fields of poppies and wildflowers from my temporary floating home. Cruising the Canal du Midi was even more beautiful than I imagined.

As it was a little breezy and chilly at night in late May, we mostly dined indoors. The saloon is also a fantastic place to curl up on the couch on lazy afternoons. The bar is always open, as is the fancy espresso machine. I always looked forward to my morning and afternoon cups of coffee. There’s always fresh flowers to brighten up the room, as well as a bowl of fresh fruit. A large bookshelf lines one wall if you’d like to learn more about the region (or if you forgot to bring a book from home).

My Cabin

There are five cabins in total on the Athos barge, each with their own en-suite bathroom. My stateroom was just large enough to fit a queen bed, a small table, and shelves that wrapped around the room. While you won’t have any large windows or balconies like on a larger ocean cruiser, you’ll have two little windows in the bedroom to take a peek at the scenery.

It’s easy to unpack and store all of your belongings in the cabin. There’s a pretty big closet with lots of hangers, as well as two giant drawers that pull out from the bed. There’s enough room to store your suitcase or backpack in the drawers that tuck beneath the bed.

The bathroom is bright and has everything you need to stay refreshed. There’s organic shampoo, conditioner, body wash, and soap. There’s also a hair dryer, so there’s no need to bring your own.

.kt-blocks-info-box-link-wrap {background:rgba(206, 249, 248, 1);padding:20px 20px 20px 20px;border-width:0px 0px 0px 0px;} .kt-blocks-info-box-link-wrap:hover {border-color:rgba(238, 238, 238, 1);background:rgba(206, 249, 248, 1);} .kt-blocks-info-box-media {color: 0px 0px 0px;padding:10px 10px 10px 10px;margin:0px 15px 0px 15px;} .kt-blocks-info-box-link-wrap:hover .kt-blocks-info-box-media {color:#444;background:transparent;border-color:#fff;} .kt-blocks-info-box-title {color: 0px 0px 0px;margin:5px 0px 10px 0px;} .kt-blocks-info-box-link-wrap:hover .kt-blocks-info-box-title {color:#444;} .kt-blocks-info-box-text {color:#444;} .kt-blocks-info-box-link-wrap:hover .kt-blocks-info-box-text {color:#444;} .kt-blocks-info-box-learnmore {color: 0px 0px 0px;padding:4px 8px 4px 8px;margin:10px 0px 10px 0px;} .kt-blocks-info-box-link-wrap:hover .kt-blocks-info-box-learnmore {color: <div id="" class="wp-block-kadence-infobox"><div class="kt-blocks-info-box-link-wrap kt-blocks-info-box-media-align-top kt-info-halign-center"><div class="kt-blocks-info-box-media kt-info-media-animate-none"><div class="kadence-info-box-icon-container kt-info-icon-animate-none"><div class="kadence-info-box-icon-inner-container"><span style="display:block;justify-content:center;align-items:center" class="kt-info-svg-icon kt-info-svg-icon-fas_hotel"><svg style="display:inline-block;vertical-align:middle" viewbox="0 0 576 512" height="80" width="80" fill="currentColor" xmlns="http://www.w3.org/2000/svg"><path d="M560 64c8.84 0 16-7.16 16-16V16c0-8.84-7.16-16-16-16H16C7.16 0 0 7.16 0 16v32c0 8.84 7.16 16 16 16h15.98v384H16c-8.84 0-16 7.16-16 16v32c0 8.84 7.16 16 16 16h240v-80c0-8.8 7.2-16 16-16h32c8.8 0 16 7.2 16 16v80h240c8.84 0 16-7.16 16-16v-32c0-8.84-7.16-16-16-16h-16V64h16zm-304 44.8c0-6.4 6.4-12.8 12.8-12.8h38.4c6.4 0 12.8 6.4 12.8 12.8v38.4c0 6.4-6.4 12.8-12.8 12.8h-38.4c-6.4 0-12.8-6.4-12.8-12.8v-38.4zm0 96c0-6.4 6.4-12.8 12.8-12.8h38.4c6.4 0 12.8 6.4 12.8 12.8v38.4c0 6.4-6.4 12.8-12.8 12.8h-38.4c-6.4 0-12.8-6.4-12.8-12.8v-38.4zm-128-96c0-6.4 6.4-12.8 12.8-12.8h38.4c6.4 0 12.8 6.4 12.8 12.8v38.4c0 6.4-6.4 12.8-12.8 12.8h-38.4c-6.4 0-12.8-6.4-12.8-12.8v-38.4zM179.2 256h-38.4c-6.4 0-12.8-6.4-12.8-12.8v-38.4c0-6.4 6.4-12.8 12.8-12.8h38.4c6.4 0 12.8 6.4 12.8 12.8v38.4c0 6.4-6.4 12.8-12.8 12.8zM192 384c0-53.02 42.98-96 96-96s96 42.98 96 96H192zm256-140.8c0 6.4-6.4 12.8-12.8 12.8h-38.4c-6.4 0-12.8-6.4-12.8-12.8v-38.4c0-6.4 6.4-12.8 12.8-12.8h38.4c6.4 0 12.8 6.4 12.8 12.8v38.4zm0-96c0 6.4-6.4 12.8-12.8 12.8h-38.4c-6.4 0-12.8-6.4-12.8-12.8v-38.4c0-6.4 6.4-12.8 12.8-12.8h38.4c6.4 0 12.8 6.4 12.8 12.8v38.4z"><div class="kt-infobox-textcontent"><h4 class="kt-blocks-info-box-title">Looking for where to stay pre- or post- cruise?<p class="kt-blocks-info-box-text">The pick up and drop off spot for the Athos Canal du Midi cruise is in Béziers. Here are some hotels you can book in Béziers to extend your relaxing holiday.<div class="kt-blocks-info-box-learnmore-wrap"><a class="kt-blocks-info-box-learnmore" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer" href="https://justinpluslauren.com/go/hotels-in-beziers/">Learn More <h2>Cruising the Canal du Midi <p>The <strong><a rel="noreferrer noopener" aria-label=" (opens in a new tab)" href="http://go.redirectingat.com/?id=125747X1586856&xs=1&url=https%3A%2F%2Fwhc.unesco.org%2Fen%2Flist%2F770&sref=rss" target="_blank">Canal du Midi is a UNESCO World Heritage Site, and it has a truly fascinating history. It’s a 360 km network of waterways linking the Mediterranean and the Atlantic through 328 structures, including locks, bridges, and tunnels. Its creator, Pierre-Paul Riquet, designed the Canal du Midi and it was built between 1667 and 1694. It’s a technical marvel and a work of art. <div class="wp-block-image"><figure class="aligncenter"><a href="http://go.redirectingat.com/?id=125747X1586856&xs=1&url=https%3A%2F%2Ftravelphotos.justinpluslauren.com%2F%2FCanal-du-Midi-Day-5%2Fi-PWfQFG8%2Fbuy&sref=rss" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener"><img src="https://photos.smugmug.com//Canal-du-Midi-Day-5/i-PWfQFG8/0/f8f58672/XL/P1380502-XL.jpg" alt="Navigating the bridges and tunnels of the Canal du Midi - boating holidays in "/> <p>There are paths on either side of the entire canal. Back in the day, the barges were pulled by horses on both sides of the water. Nowadays, canal holidays in are popular, and one of the prime destinations is the Canal du Midi. While you can rent your own vessel for memorable boating holidays in , I’d much rather leave the navigating up to the experts. <div class="wp-block-image"><figure class="aligncenter"><a href="http://go.redirectingat.com/?id=125747X1586856&xs=1&url=https%3A%2F%2Ftravelphotos.justinpluslauren.com%2F%2FCanal-du-Midi-Day-3%2Fi-rV3chb5%2Fbuy&sref=rss" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener"><img src="https://photos.smugmug.com//Canal-du-Midi-Day-3/i-rV3chb5/0/4a5e6dd1/XL/P1380288-XL.jpg" alt="Paths along the Canal du Midi, a UNESCO World Heritage Site in the South of "/> <p>Cruising on the Canal du Midi is a relaxing and restorative holiday from start to finish. While our pick up and drop off point was in Béziers, our trip started in Marseillan and ended in Argeliers. The driving distance between Marseillan and Argeliers is 55 minutes. We spent six days and nights drifting from point A to point B. You can see why it’s a “slow travel” kind of voyage! <h3>Fonserannes Locks <div class="wp-block-image"><figure class="aligncenter"><a href="http://go.redirectingat.com/?id=125747X1586856&xs=1&url=https%3A%2F%2Ftravelphotos.justinpluslauren.com%2F%2FCanal-du-Midi-Day-3%2Fi-5J5njwV%2Fbuy&sref=rss" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener"><img src="https://photos.smugmug.com//Canal-du-Midi-Day-3/i-5J5njwV/0/fa99f003/XL/P1380235-XL.jpg" alt="Fonserannes Locks in Beziers - Athos du Midi"/> <p>While cruising the Canal du Midi, we came across dozens of locks. Many of these were singular locks. The Athos barge motors into the lock, the lock fills with water, and we continue on our way. The most interesting set of locks on our journey were the <strong><a rel="noreferrer noopener" aria-label=" (opens in a new tab)" href="http://go.redirectingat.com/?id=125747X1586856&xs=1&url=https%3A%2F%2Fen.wikipedia.org%2Fwiki%2FFonserannes_Locks&sref=rss" target="_blank">Fonserannes Locks in Beziers. It’s a set of six staircase locks (there used to be nine locks in total) that’s a feat of modern engineering. <div class="wp-block-image"><figure class="aligncenter"><a href="http://go.redirectingat.com/?id=125747X1586856&xs=1&url=https%3A%2F%2Ftravelphotos.justinpluslauren.com%2F%2FCanal-du-Midi-Day-3%2Fi-rt6s6zh%2Fbuy&sref=rss" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener"><img src="https://photos.smugmug.com//Canal-du-Midi-Day-3/i-rt6s6zh/0/93e6ed3e/XL/P1380223-XL.jpg" alt="Athos du Midi in the 9 locks at Beziers, "/> <p>Many people gather by the side of the locks to watch the boats, and quite a crowd gathered when our barge traveled through the locks. We had the option of staying on board or hopping off to watch from the sidelines. I stayed on board for the first lock or two, and then watched this incredible sight from the shore. I really didn’t know much about locks before this barge cruise, but I have a whole new appreciation and fascination for them. <div class="wp-block-image"><figure class="aligncenter"><a href="http://go.redirectingat.com/?id=125747X1586856&xs=1&url=https%3A%2F%2Ftravelphotos.justinpluslauren.com%2F%2FCanal-du-Midi-Day-3%2Fi-DpnNK9c%2Fbuy&sref=rss" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener"><img src="https://photos.smugmug.com//Canal-du-Midi-Day-3/i-DpnNK9c/0/a3be6850/XL/P1380255-XL.jpg" alt="Athos barge cruise navigating the 9 locks in Beziers "/> <div class="wp-block-image"><figure class="aligncenter"><a href="http://go.redirectingat.com/?id=125747X1586856&xs=1&url=https%3A%2F%2Ftravelphotos.justinpluslauren.com%2F%2FCanal-du-Midi-Day-3%2Fi-Qt2tDN7%2Fbuy&sref=rss" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener"><img src="https://photos.smugmug.com//Canal-du-Midi-Day-3/i-Qt2tDN7/0/a0bb921c/XL/P1380262-XL.jpg" alt="Rushing water at the 9 locks of Beziers "/> <p>It was amazing to watch the sheer amount of rushing water fill each lock to raise Athos up to the proper level to allow her to enter the next lock. Sometimes it seemed as though our barge just barely fit inside each lock! I was in awe of the navigation skills of our captain as he entered and departed each lock with ease. There were merely inches on each side of the boat, yet he didn’t manage to bump into the concrete edges at any time. <div class="wp-block-image"><figure class="aligncenter"><a href="http://go.redirectingat.com/?id=125747X1586856&xs=1&url=https%3A%2F%2Ftravelphotos.justinpluslauren.com%2F%2FCanal-du-Midi-Day-3%2Fi-ftzkFnn%2Fbuy&sref=rss" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener"><img src="https://photos.smugmug.com//Canal-du-Midi-Day-3/i-ftzkFnn/0/d8e767e4/XL/P1380278-XL.jpg" alt="Athos du Midi emerging at the top of the staircase locks in Beziers, "/> <h3>Sailing and Docking <div class="wp-block-image"><figure class="aligncenter"><a href="http://go.redirectingat.com/?id=125747X1586856&xs=1&url=https%3A%2F%2Ftravelphotos.justinpluslauren.com%2F%2FCanal-du-Midi-Day-1%2Fi-7WrMp6b%2Fbuy&sref=rss" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener"><img src="https://photos.smugmug.com//Canal-du-Midi-Day-1/i-7WrMp6b/0/dc594c91/XL/P1370971-XL.jpg" alt="Canal du Midi - Athos barge docked"/> <p>After our afternoon sailings, we’d dock at various locations on the Canal du Midi. Sometimes we’d be right alongside a town, and sometimes we’d seemingly be in the middle of nowhere. While it was nice to hop off the barge and wander right into town, it was also lovely to explore “the middle of nowhere”. With paths by the canal, you can always go for a walk or a bike ride before or after dinner. <h3>Bike Riding <div class="wp-block-image"><figure class="aligncenter"><a href="http://go.redirectingat.com/?id=125747X1586856&xs=1&url=https%3A%2F%2Ftravelphotos.justinpluslauren.com%2F%2FCanal-du-Midi-Day-1%2Fi-QDn3bRc%2Fbuy&sref=rss" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener"><img src="https://photos.smugmug.com//Canal-du-Midi-Day-1/i-QDn3bRc/0/49a8a951/XL/P1370968-XL.jpg" alt="Path on the Canal du Midi for cycling or walking"/> <p>One day, I hopped on one of the bicycles with a couple of the other guests and explored the area. First, we rode past a marshy region that was home to many birds, including flamingos! We glided past neighborhoods and seaside towns until we reached the Mediterranean Sea. I loved that we could ride from the barge right to the beach. While it was a little too cold to go for a swim in late May, I soaked up the stunning views of the deep blue waters. It also felt great to have the wind in my hair and the freedom of going cycling without a care in the world. <div class="wp-block-image"><figure class="aligncenter"><a href="http://go.redirectingat.com/?id=125747X1586856&xs=1&url=https%3A%2F%2Ftravelphotos.justinpluslauren.com%2F%2FCanal-du-Midi-Day-1%2Fi-d3NJRgw%2Fbuy&sref=rss" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener"><img src="https://photos.smugmug.com//Canal-du-Midi-Day-1/i-d3NJRgw/0/e42de5cd/XL/P1370990-XL.jpg" alt="Flamingo at the Canal du Midi, "/> <div class="wp-block-image"><figure class="aligncenter"><a href="http://go.redirectingat.com/?id=125747X1586856&xs=1&url=https%3A%2F%2Ftravelphotos.justinpluslauren.com%2F%2FCanal-du-Midi-Day-1%2Fi-hqL3kv6%2Fbuy&sref=rss" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener"><img src="https://photos.smugmug.com//Canal-du-Midi-Day-1/i-hqL3kv6/0/7d1454c8/XL/P1370965-XL.jpg" alt="Biking to the Mediterranean Sea from the Canal du Midi"/> <h2>Daily Excursions <p>The Athos barge docked every evening, and we’d wake up every day in a new place. This meant a new excursion to a nearby attraction or village. The staff on board took care of every detail. There were always two vans by the ship where our guides transported us to our destination. <p>Our primary guide, Mathieu, toured us around each town and attraction. He is so knowledgeable, sharing numerous facts and tidbits about the history of each place. At the end of our tour, we were always allowed to have at least an hour of free time to explore on our own. It’s the best of both worlds because you can learn about each spot from a local guide and have time to wander at your own pace. <h3>Marseillan <div class="wp-block-image"><figure class="aligncenter"><a href="http://go.redirectingat.com/?id=125747X1586856&xs=1&url=https%3A%2F%2Ftravelphotos.justinpluslauren.com%2F%2FMarseillan-2019%2Fi-pR5Djw3%2Fbuy&sref=rss" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener"><img src="https://photos.smugmug.com//Marseillan-2019/i-pR5Djw3/0/c948713a/XL/P1370687-XL.jpg" alt="Port town of Marseillan, "/> <p>Our cruise started in the seaside village of Marseillan, the starting point of the Canal du Midi. After arriving in the afternoon, I had time to explore Marseillan on my own. The next morning, we woke up to check out the Noilly Prat vermouth distillery. After our visit to Noilly Prat, we played a few rounds of <strong><a rel="noreferrer noopener" aria-label=" (opens in a new tab)" href="http://go.redirectingat.com/?id=125747X1586856&xs=1&url=https%3A%2F%2Fen.wikipedia.org%2Fwiki%2FP%25C3%25A9tanque&sref=rss" target="_blank">pétanque, a French game similar to bocce. This was a great way to break the ice and get to know our fellow passengers even better. <h3>Pézenas <div class="wp-block-image"><figure class="aligncenter"><a href="http://go.redirectingat.com/?id=125747X1586856&xs=1&url=https%3A%2F%2Ftravelphotos.justinpluslauren.com%2F%2FPezenas-2019%2Fi-rbvhfLP%2Fbuy&sref=rss" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener"><img src="https://photos.smugmug.com//Pezenas-2019/i-rbvhfLP/0/d1342638/XL/P1380085-XL.jpg" alt="Medieval town of Pezanas, "/> <p>It’s hard to choose which town was my favorite of the whole trip, but it’s quite possible that it was Pézenas. Mathieu toured us around this historic town where we visited “hotel particuliers”, or mansions with very striking architecture. We also walked through the Jewish ghetto neighborhood and learned about the history of Pézanas on the way. I quickly fell in love with the narrow, cobblestone streets that were very quiet early in the morning. As the morning went on, a few tourists started to emerge as the tiny shops opened, but it never got crowded or busy. This is a great spot to shop for locally made and handcrafted souvenirs. <h3>Narbonne <div class="wp-block-image"><figure class="aligncenter"><a href="http://go.redirectingat.com/?id=125747X1586856&xs=1&url=https%3A%2F%2Ftravelphotos.justinpluslauren.com%2F%2FNarbonne-2019%2Fi-WZjz6xg%2Fbuy&sref=rss" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener"><img src="https://photos.smugmug.com//Narbonne-2019/i-WZjz6xg/0/4618c6fd/XL/P1380306-XL.jpg" alt="Market town of Narbonne, "/> <p>Narbonne is best known for its traditional French market, open almost every day of the year. While a trip to the market is mandatory, there are a few other intriguing areas of Narbonne. First, you can see remnant of the ancient Romans in Narbonne; there’s an excavated area of an ancient Roman road exposed below the modern day street. There’s also a shopping street lined with pink marble, and the spectacular (yet unfinished) St Just and St Pasteur Cathedral. <h3>Minerve <div class="wp-block-image"><figure class="aligncenter"><a href="http://go.redirectingat.com/?id=125747X1586856&xs=1&url=https%3A%2F%2Ftravelphotos.justinpluslauren.com%2F%2FMinerve-2019%2Fi-gxp9DH4%2Fbuy&sref=rss" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener"><img src="https://photos.smugmug.com//Minerve-2019/i-gxp9DH4/0/f41a07be/XL/P1380399-XL.jpg" alt="Medieval village of Minerve, "/> <p>Before our day trip to Minerve, we stopped at Oulibo where cold pressed and high quality olive oil is produced. We tasted fresh olives and olive oils that were very delicious. Next, we explored the medieval village of Minerve. It’s strategically built up on the escarpment and has a truly fascinating history of being under siege. <h3>Capestang <div class="wp-block-image"><figure class="aligncenter"><a href="http://go.redirectingat.com/?id=125747X1586856&xs=1&url=https%3A%2F%2Ftravelphotos.justinpluslauren.com%2F%2FCapestang-2019%2Fi-BFvTKTp%2Fbuy&sref=rss" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener"><img src="https://photos.smugmug.com//Capestang-2019/i-BFvTKTp/0/45b9d2e5/XL/P1380548-XL.jpg" alt="Charming town of Capestang, "/> <p>After an afternoon on the Canal du Midi, we docked right at Capestang. It was possible to walk from Athos right into town. It was optional to walk with Mathieu into Capestang for a brief tour of a couple of local attractions. Then, I had the chance to wander around the quiet streets on my own. <h3>Carcassonne <div class="wp-block-image"><figure class="aligncenter"><a href="http://go.redirectingat.com/?id=125747X1586856&xs=1&url=https%3A%2F%2Ftravelphotos.justinpluslauren.com%2F%2FCarcassonne-2019%2Fi-nxF8LJM%2Fbuy&sref=rss" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener"><img src="https://photos.smugmug.com//Carcassonne-2019/i-nxF8LJM/0/5b2ca140/XL/P1380602-XL.jpg" alt="Fortified city of Carcassonne, ."/> <p>Carcassonne was the most famous (and busy) place that we visited, and for good reason. It’s a UNESCO World Heritage Site and a fabulous example of a <strong><a rel="noreferrer noopener" aria-label=" (opens in a new tab)" href="http://go.redirectingat.com/?id=125747X1586856&xs=1&url=https%3A%2F%2Fwhc.unesco.org%2Fen%2Flist%2F345&sref=rss" target="_blank">medieval fortified town. There’s the double fortifications, a brilliant cathedral, and a fairy tale castle. Stroll around the cobblestone streets of the village, poking your head into a few shops. I really loved how there was enough time to see everything on our trips into town. <h2>The Food on the Athos <div class="wp-block-image"><figure class="aligncenter"><a href="http://go.redirectingat.com/?id=125747X1586856&xs=1&url=https%3A%2F%2Ftravelphotos.justinpluslauren.com%2F%2FCanal-du-Midi-Day-1%2Fi-z2ZH7kW%2Fbuy&sref=rss" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener"><img src="https://photos.smugmug.com//Canal-du-Midi-Day-1/i-z2ZH7kW/0/ba5e006a/XL/P1370693-XL.jpg" alt="Vegan meals on the Athos du Midi luxury hotel barge in the South of "/> <p>Now, I’ll tell you all about the food on the Athos. Chef Lee skillfully prepared all of our meals on board, and I was so grateful that he managed to make 100% vegan meals for me! While he admitted that he hadn’t made an entirely plant-based menu before, he was up for the challenge. <div class="wp-block-image"><figure class="aligncenter"><a href="http://go.redirectingat.com/?id=125747X1586856&xs=1&url=https%3A%2F%2Ftravelphotos.justinpluslauren.com%2F%2FCanal-du-Midi-Day-1%2Fi-rMNQvhh%2Fbuy&sref=rss" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener"><img src="https://photos.smugmug.com//Canal-du-Midi-Day-1/i-rMNQvhh/0/043cec04/XL/P1370767-XL.jpg" alt="Vegan dishes prepared by Chef Lee on the Athos du Midi"/> <p>I loved how he was able to adapt the regular omnivore meals to produce a vegan version. It’s always nice to receive a similar meal to everyone else because I really didn’t ever feel left out. He even attempted (and succeeded!) to make vegan ice cream using coconut milk. Some of his vegan dessert creations were served to all of the passengers on board, and I doubt they were able to tell that they were vegan. Everything was absolutely delicious. <div class="wp-block-image"><figure class="aligncenter"><a href="http://go.redirectingat.com/?id=125747X1586856&xs=1&url=https%3A%2F%2Ftravelphotos.justinpluslauren.com%2F%2FCanal-du-Midi-Day-5%2Fi-DCjgn6x%2Fbuy&sref=rss" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener"><img src="https://photos.smugmug.com//Canal-du-Midi-Day-5/i-DCjgn6x/0/657b03be/XL/P1380590-XL.jpg" alt="Vegan and vegetarian meals on the luxury barge cruise on the Canal du Midi"/> <p>If you have an allergy, dietary restriction or preference, don’t hesitate to book your Canal du Midi cruise. Even though I wasn’t able to partake in the cheese course at dinner, there were other fruit or nuts that I could enjoy. Plus, I was always so full from the starter course and main course (not to mention the numerous slices of fresh bread that I indulged in) that it didn’t matter to me. And dessert was soon on its way! <div class="wp-block-image"><figure class="aligncenter"><a href="http://go.redirectingat.com/?id=125747X1586856&xs=1&url=https%3A%2F%2Ftravelphotos.justinpluslauren.com%2F%2FCanal-du-Midi-Day-5%2Fi-g3Gx3pg%2Fbuy&sref=rss" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener"><img src="https://photos.smugmug.com//Canal-du-Midi-Day-5/i-g3Gx3pg/0/dd94b2ac/XL/P1380530-XL.jpg" alt="Vegan dessert and ice cream on the Athos du Midi luxury hotel barge in the South of "/> <h3>Wine Pairings <p>Our incredible hostess, Marianna, took care of us in so many ways on board. She artfully decorated our table with flowers and decor before each meal. She cleaned our cabins and the barge daily. Marianna has a masterful knowledge of wine and local wineries, knowing precisely which bottle to pair with each meal. <div class="wp-block-image"><figure class="aligncenter"><a href="http://go.redirectingat.com/?id=125747X1586856&xs=1&url=https%3A%2F%2Ftravelphotos.justinpluslauren.com%2F%2FCanal-du-Midi-Day-5%2Fi-wcnKDJq%2Fbuy&sref=rss" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener"><img src="https://photos.smugmug.com//Canal-du-Midi-Day-5/i-wcnKDJq/0/6f6d06e9/XL/P1380483-XL.jpg" alt="Wine pairings for each meal on the Athos du Midi"/> <p>We received a short lesson about each winery before our tastings, and I was so impressed by how much she knew about each wine. Anytime there was a question, she always had the answers. While I know very little about wine, there was a wide variety of white, red, dessert, and rosé to taste throughout the week. You could enjoy as much or as little as you liked. <div class="wp-block-image"><figure class="aligncenter"><a href="http://go.redirectingat.com/?id=125747X1586856&xs=1&url=https%3A%2F%2Ftravelphotos.justinpluslauren.com%2F%2FCanal-du-Midi-Day-5%2Fi-C8scjDr%2Fbuy&sref=rss" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener"><img src="https://photos.smugmug.com//Canal-du-Midi-Day-5/i-C8scjDr/0/afaedaae/XL/P1380478-XL.jpg" alt="Wine from local wineries on the Athos du Midi"/> <h2>The Crew and the Passengers <p>On my Canal du Midi cruise, there were six other passengers: two couples from Australia and one couple from the USA. We all got to know each other so well as we went on excursions and bonded over meals. We also had enough alone time where we could explore on our own or relax on deck by ourselves. I thoroughly enjoyed the company of everyone on board while we were cruising the Canal du Midi. We met as strangers and left as friends. <div class="wp-block-image"><figure class="aligncenter"><a href="http://go.redirectingat.com/?id=125747X1586856&xs=1&url=https%3A%2F%2Ftravelphotos.justinpluslauren.com%2F%2FCanal-du-Midi-Day-5%2Fi-f2SmTRV%2Fbuy&sref=rss" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener"><img src="https://photos.smugmug.com//Canal-du-Midi-Day-5/i-f2SmTRV/0/2bb7bb05/XL/P1380480-XL.jpg" alt="Our group from Australia, USA, and Canada on the Athos du Midi"/> <p>While most people sail as couples or even within a small group aboard the Athos du Midi, I sailed by myself this time around. Justin wasn’t able to accompany me on this trip unfortunately. However, the Athos barge is a great vacation for solo travelers. You’ll have enough time to yourself, but you’ll meet a fabulous group of like-minded people. It’s the perfect holiday for those who are even a bit introverted. It’s a small group sailing and you’ll instantly have a group of friends for your travels. <div class="wp-block-image"><figure class="aligncenter"><a href="http://go.redirectingat.com/?id=125747X1586856&xs=1&url=https%3A%2F%2Ftravelphotos.justinpluslauren.com%2F%2FMinerve-2019%2Fi-58cxWk6%2Fbuy&sref=rss" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener"><img src="https://photos.smugmug.com//Minerve-2019/i-58cxWk6/0/3ff814f0/XL/P1380389-XL.jpg" alt="Our group just outside of Minerve, from the Athos du Midi."/> <p>I can’t say enough good things about our crew. We received the best care and comfort throughout our entire trip. I didn’t have to plan anything for this trip. The staff was so friendly and welcoming, and I really enjoyed chatting to them. I especially enjoyed bonding with Marianna over our love for cats. It was also lovely to meet one of the barge owners on our trip to Carcassonne, Dannielle. Her and her husband, Julian met aboard the Athos many years ago. Nowadays, they own the barge and work on shore to ensure that you have the best vacation ever. <h2>Booking Your Canal Holidays in <p>You can book your barge holidays in aboard the Athos through <strong><a rel="noreferrer noopener" aria-label=" (opens in a new tab)" href="http://go.redirectingat.com/?id=125747X1586856&xs=1&url=https%3A%2F%2Ffrancecruises.com%2Ftour-detail%2Fathos-canal-du-midi-cruise&sref=rss" target="_blank"> s or <strong><a rel="noreferrer noopener" aria-label=" (opens in a new tab)" href="http://go.redirectingat.com/?id=125747X1586856&xs=1&url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.europeanwaterways.com%2Fitineraries%2Fathos-classic-cruise-canal-du-midi%2F&sref=rss" target="_blank">European Waterways. Both offer a vast array of hotel barge cruises sailing all over , whether you’re discovering the Canal du Midi, Burgundy, Provence, or other destinations. You can book a room as a solo traveler or a couple, or you can even book out the entire barge as a private charter with a group. I highly recommend cruising on the Canal du Midi for all of the reasons I mentioned above. <div class="wp-block-image"><figure class="aligncenter"><a href="http://go.redirectingat.com/?id=125747X1586856&xs=1&url=https%3A%2F%2Ftravelphotos.justinpluslauren.com%2F%2FCanal-du-Midi-Day-5%2Fi-85ZZPR9%2Fbuy&sref=rss" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener"><img src="https://photos.smugmug.com//Canal-du-Midi-Day-5/i-85ZZPR9/0/d64a16f9/XL/P1380587-XL.jpg" alt="Athos du Midi docked in Capestang, ."/> <p>This particular canal cruise sails from Sunday to Saturday. Spend some time browsing the websites to get an idea for the sorts of hotel barge cruises you can take. Whether you’re booking through s in the USA or European Waterways in Europe, you’ll receive professional and expert services from leaders in the canal and river cruising industry. Feel free to contact them directly with any questions that you might have. Also, feel free to ask me any questions about my experiences aboard the Athos in the comments section below! <div class="wp-block-image"><figure class="aligncenter"><a href="http://go.redirectingat.com/?id=125747X1586856&xs=1&url=https%3A%2F%2Ftravelphotos.justinpluslauren.com%2F%2FCanal-du-Midi-Day-5%2Fi-Qmczh9n%2Fbuy&sref=rss" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener"><img src="https://photos.smugmug.com//Canal-du-Midi-Day-5/i-Qmczh9n/0/94415294/XL/P1380544-XL.jpg" alt="Relaxing aboard the Athos du Midi on the Canal du Midi, "/> <h3>Getting There <p>I traveled from Toronto to Paris on a direct <strong><a rel="noreferrer noopener nofollow" aria-label=" (opens in a new tab)" href="http://go.redirectingat.com/?id=125747X1586856&xs=1&url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.aircanada.com&sref=rss" target="_blank">Air Canada flight. After a night in Paris, I traveled from Paris to Béziers by <strong><a rel="noreferrer noopener nofollow" aria-label=" (opens in a new tab)" href="http://go.redirectingat.com/?id=125747X1586856&xs=1&url=https%3A%2F%2Fraileurope.com&sref=rss" target="_blank">high speed train. Transportation was very easy to figure out, but the experts at s, European Waterways, and Athos du Midi are there to help you with any transportation questions that might arise. <style id="kt-blocks_12ff50-91" type="text/css"> .kt-blocks-info-box-link-wrap {border-color:rgba(238, 238, 238, 1);background:rgba(206, 249, 248, 1);padding:20px 20px 20px 20px;border-width:0px 0px 0px 0px;} .kt-blocks-info-box-link-wrap:hover {border-color:rgba(238, 238, 238, 1);background:rgba(206, 249, 248, 1);} .kt-blocks-info-box-media {color: 0px 0px 0px;padding:10px 10px 10px 10px;margin:0px 15px 0px 15px;} .kt-blocks-info-box-link-wrap:hover .kt-blocks-info-box-media {color:#444;background:transparent;border-color:#fff;} .kt-blocks-info-box-title {color: 0px 0px 0px;margin:5px 0px 10px 0px;} .kt-blocks-info-box-link-wrap:hover .kt-blocks-info-box-title {color:#444;} .kt-blocks-info-box-text {color:#444;} .kt-blocks-info-box-link-wrap:hover .kt-blocks-info-box-text {color:#444;} .kt-blocks-info-box-learnmore {color: 0px 0px 0px;padding:4px 8px 4px 8px;margin:10px 0px 10px 0px;} .kt-blocks-info-box-link-wrap:hover .kt-blocks-info-box-learnmore {color: <div id="" class="wp-block-kadence-infobox"><div class="kt-blocks-info-box-link-wrap kt-blocks-info-box-media-align-top kt-info-halign-center"><div class="kt-blocks-info-box-media kt-info-media-animate-none"><div class="kadence-info-box-icon-container kt-info-icon-animate-none"><div class="kadence-info-box-icon-inner-container"><span style="display:block;justify-content:center;align-items:center" class="kt-info-svg-icon kt-info-svg-icon-fas_camera"><svg style="display:inline-block;vertical-align:middle" viewbox="0 0 512 512" height="80" width="80" fill="currentColor" xmlns="http://www.w3.org/2000/svg"><path d="M512 144v288c0 26.5-21.5 48-48 48H48c-26.5 0-48-21.5-48-48V144c0-26.5 21.5-48 48-48h88l12.3-32.9c7-18.7 24.9-31.1 44.9-31.1h125.5c20 0 37.9 12.4 44.9 31.1L376 96h88c26.5 0 48 21.5 48 48zM376 288c0-66.2-53.8-120-120-120s-120 53.8-120 120 53.8 120 120 120 120-53.8 120-120zm-32 0c0 48.5-39.5 88-88 88s-88-39.5-88-88 39.5-88 88-88 88 39.5 88 88z"><div class="kt-infobox-textcontent"><h4 class="kt-blocks-info-box-title">Want to see more photos?<p class="kt-blocks-info-box-text">You can see all of my photos from the Canal du Midi at our travel photo site. You can buy prints and housewares made from any of our pictures – click the ‘Buy’ button on any photo!<div class="kt-blocks-info-box-learnmore-wrap"><a class="kt-blocks-info-box-learnmore" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer" href="http://go.redirectingat.com/?id=125747X1586856&xs=1&url=https%3A%2F%2Ftravelphotos.justinpluslauren.com%2F&sref=rss">Learn More <p>If you’re craving the concept of slow travel and you’re interested in exploring the South of , cruising the Canal du Midi on a luxury barge is the trip for you. It’s perfect for those wanting a more personalized, intimate vacation where you don’t need to plan anything at all. holidays are fantastic for people of all ages (it’s not just for seniors!). I’m in my mid-thirties and I absolutely adored my Canal du Midi cruise on the Athos barge. Definitely add European barge cruises to your bucket list. It’s the journey of a lifetime. <ul class="wp-block-gallery columns-3"><li class="blocks-gallery-item"><figure><img src="https://justinpluslauren.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/06/Canal-du-Midi--Pinterest3-683x1024.jpg" alt="Cruising the Canal du Midi Aboard the Athos Luxury data-id="18288" data-link="https://justinpluslauren.com/?attachment_id=18288" class="wp-image-18288" srcset="https://justinpluslauren.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/06/Canal-du-Midi--Pinterest3-683x1024.jpg 683w, https://justinpluslauren.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/06/Canal-du-Midi--Pinterest3-200x300.jpg 200w, https://justinpluslauren.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/06/Canal-du-Midi--Pinterest3.jpg 735w" sizes="(max-width: 683px) 100vw, 683px" /><li class="blocks-gallery-item"><figure><img src="https://justinpluslauren.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/06/Canal-du-Midi--Pinterest2-683x1024.jpg" alt="Cruising the Canal du Midi Aboard the Athos Luxury data-id="18287" data-link="https://justinpluslauren.com/?attachment_id=18287" class="wp-image-18287" srcset="https://justinpluslauren.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/06/Canal-du-Midi--Pinterest2-683x1024.jpg 683w, https://justinpluslauren.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/06/Canal-du-Midi--Pinterest2-200x300.jpg 200w, https://justinpluslauren.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/06/Canal-du-Midi--Pinterest2.jpg 735w" sizes="(max-width: 683px) 100vw, 683px" /><li class="blocks-gallery-item"><figure><img src="https://justinpluslauren.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/06/Canal-du-Midi--Pinterest1-683x1024.jpg" alt="Cruising the Canal du Midi Aboard the Athos Luxury data-id="18286" data-link="https://justinpluslauren.com/?attachment_id=18286" class="wp-image-18286" srcset="https://justinpluslauren.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/06/Canal-du-Midi--Pinterest1-683x1024.jpg 683w, https://justinpluslauren.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/06/Canal-du-Midi--Pinterest1-200x300.jpg 200w, https://justinpluslauren.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/06/Canal-du-Midi--Pinterest1.jpg 735w" sizes="(max-width: 683px) 100vw, 683px" /> <p><em>Thank you so much to s and European Waterways for hosting my cruise aboard the Athos du Midi. This post contains affiliate links. If you click one of them, I may receive a small commission at no extra cost to you. <div class="kt-simple-box" style="background-color:rgba(232, 232, 232, 1); min-height:1px; padding-top:15px; padding-bottom:15px; padding-left:15px; padding-right:15px; "><div class="kt-simple-box-inner"> <center><strong>Did you find this post useful? Show your appreciation with a small tip! <div id="JPL01" class="quid-slider" align="center" quid-currency="CAD" quid-product-id="JPL01" quid-product-url="https://justinpluslauren.com/cruising-the-canal-du-midi/" quid-product-name="Justin Plus Lauren" quid-product-description="A Tip for Justin & Lauren" quid-text="Tip Us!" quid-text-paid="Thanks!" quid-amount="1"> <h4>Have you ever gone canal cruising in ? <p>The post <a rel="nofollow" href="https://justinpluslauren.com/cruising-the-canal-du-midi/">Cruising the Canal du Midi Aboard the Athos Luxury appeared first on <a rel="nofollow" href="https://justinpluslauren.com">Justin Plus Lauren.

[lindensea]

It’s time to talk about Holland Vosijk.

***MAJOR MAJOR ACOL SPOILERS***

LAST CHANCE! Please don’t read this if you haven’t finished A Conjuring of Light yet. Just look away and scroll on by!

On the shuttle today, I read that Victoria Schwab said on Reddit that “and then, at last, the world breathed in” upon Holland’s death means that he was indeed the someday king, and that his sacrifice was the catalyst for the return of magic. That fucked me up pretty bad and I was on the verge of tears walking back to my car. But I got to thinking. 

1. Suffering and sacrifice are Holland’s main themes. “No one suffers as beautifully as you.” Sacrifices of freedom, of will, of dignity, of blood. But most of his sacrifices are ones Holland has no say in, ones he is forced to do through someone else’s will, be it Athos’ or Osaron’s. For the entire duration of the Shade’s of Magic timeline (excluding the flashbacks in ACOL and the ten seconds of Holland in Black London), Holland has not been his own person. While he did possess a certain amount of freedom during his time as king of White London, I’m not sure if it should count. He couldn’t even really sleep during that time because Osaron would take over (btw that scene in AGOS really impressed me on reread). I don’t think that counts as freedom. Anyway, my point is that Holland barely makes any choices of his own free will. But basically all the choices he does make of his own volition involve sacrifice on his part. The execution, wearing the main ring, taking the Inheritor. Maybe it’s a fatalist attitude, sadism, or suicidal tendencies. But maybe that was just always his destiny, and he knew in some way.

2. Banking off that theme, I’d argue there was some foreshadowing in the scene in ACOL when Vortalis first finds Holland. Young (and still idealistic) Holland is sitting in the Silver Wood, dreaming about the Someday King and absently letting his own blood drip into the Sijlt. Vortalis comments that it’s not enough to fix the world. He was right. White London needed his all. :(

3. Holland chooses to return to that same spot when he knows he is going to die. This is the spot where he was once the best version of himself, young and free and trying vainly to heal the world. All mentions of the Silver Grove involve Holland’s dreams to fix his world. He prayed for the ability to protect there, tried to heal the world with his own blood, and then made a deal with Vortalis--a deal to essentially make the someday king. At the end of his life, after he has sacrificed it all, Holland goes back to the Silver Wood to rest, remember, and die. And it is there that he accomplishes what he always dreamed he would.

4. Holland got what he wanted.

“All Holland wanted was to see his world restored.

Revived.

He knew the legends—the dreams—of a magician powerful enough to do it. Strong enough to breathe air back into its starved lungs, to quicken its dying heart.

For as long as Holland could remember, that was all he’d wanted.

And for as long as Holland could remember, he had wanted the magician to be him.

Even before the darkness bloomed across his eye, branding him with the mark of power, he’d wanted it to be him. He’d stood on the banks of the Sijlt as a child, skating stones across the frozen surface, imagining that he would be the one to crack the ice. Stood in the Silver Wood as a grown man, praying for the strength to protect his home. He’d never wanted to be king, though in the stories the magician always was. He didn’t want to rule the world. He only wanted to save it.”

 And later...

“Death comes for us all," said Holland evenly. "I would simply have mine mean something.”

Just leave me.

[zippdementia]

Part 24 Alignment May Vary: A Dark Place

Last time, our heroes were at the end of their ropes, defeated in battle by the corrupt leader of the Celaenos monks, Mordekai of Keltos. Even as Mordekai himself succumbed to the fire of Karina’s retributive rage, the last of the party fell into unconciousness. But behind the scenes, something has been brewing for quite a while, and fate (and Mordekai, unwittingly) choose this moment to bring it to fruition...

It was dark. What was odd was that he was aware of the darkness. It wasn’t like being asleep. It was like being awake, in a room with no lantern. He could feel, too, unlike when he slept; could feel cold stone beneath his fingers. His usual ability to see in the night was of no use here--this was a blackness that he could not pierce.

Abenthy stood, then, because there seemed no better thing to do. The battle still rang in his ears, as did the terrible word Mordekai had spoken. But they were echoes following him here to this nothingness.

He placed a hand out and felt a stone wall, dry, but cold as the floor. He left his hand on it as he walked. A few steps forward and Abenthy began to think of the ones he had left behind. The bard, and...

Thoughts of Karina sent an unusual ache through him. He didn’t recognize the feeling, nor did he like it. It was too heavy, too sad. He had fallen in battle, had failed both her and the bard, yet he couldn’t deny it was Karina he thought of first, and it was that failure that truly struck him.

Light suddenly appeared ahead. Had he turned a corner, or was someone else approaching from the distance. Abenthy continued forward, curious, and suddenly the wall was gone and he was stumbling forward into a larger space. The light ahead flared and for a moment he saw the cavern he was in. It was monstrously large, an ocean of emptiness stretching out for an indeterminate distance. The floor he could not see, but the ceiling was close and from it hung bodies. They were not dead. They writhed and wriggled, but they were stuck, upside down in the stone. All humanoid, they were. Many Goblins there were, and Lizardmen, even some Merpeople, and others he did not recognize, some like giant walking insects, others with multiple arms or heads. One seemed to be a centaur but it was too far off to make out clearly in the brief flare of light.

There were many normal people, too. Too many to count. They made no sound, except for a distant shuffling like a soft wind, caused by their gyrations from their resting places.

“My subjects,” a deep voice said. it came from the distant pinpoint of light. As Abenthy stared, he could see a shape in its flickering.

“Come closer, my son,” the voice said, and before Abenthy could even think to be surprised, he was being drawn forward fast, as if yanked across the canyon, to stand before a massive man sitting on a throne made of stone. Around him blazed torches, illuminating his features. He was not human. He looked more like a bat, his whole body covered in a coarse fur, his face elongated into a snout, his eyes black marbles which looked down on him with impassivity. He had wings, though one was white feathered like Abenthy’s own and the other was webbed and leathery, and black as the darkness.

“It has been more than a hundred years since I left your mother,” the creature said. “I have searched for you for all that time, and now fate brings you to me.”

Time for a little backstory...

Ages ago, during the Age of Baldur, a powerful Aasimir was born into the Forgotten Realms. Gifted with incredible charisma and strength, even for one such as he, he united many warring kingdoms of man into one nation and led them on a great expedition to rid the world of evil. With such a mighty host and with his own battle prowess (picture a level 20 hero) the mighty Aasimir was successful in his conquest for quite some time. But as he swept across the land, he left cities and governments behind him to hold the peace and here is where his plans began to fail. For men could not hold to the high standards he did, nor could they understand justice the way he did. Even as he continued to move forward, the Aasimir now also began to look back upon his own people and he saw corruption and imperfection there.

Perturbed, the Aasimir tried to root out the cause of this evil. During this time, he was approached by a lesser devil lord named I’a’fret, who saw the rage and distrust burning in his heart like a beacon. He spoke careful words to the Aasimir, convincing him that the evil in men’s heart was put there by other devil, and he named his rivals in positions of power in the Nine Hells. Incensed, the Aasimir entered the Nine Hells and did battle with the lords there, striking down the devils in their own halls. I’a’fret was overjoyed. At first. The Aasimir did not end his conquest with I’a’fret’s rivals. Instead he came next to I’a’fret’s cavern and struck him down, too, taking his power and then took his name, and becoming a devil prince himself. For the Aasimir had taken the devil’s words to heart and had decided that evil could only be struck from the world by attacking it from within, like a cancer that would slowly eat alive the host. By becoming a Devil himself, he could gather evil souls to him and deal them out justice for an eternity, while slowly building his power to eventually strike out at the other Devils. His ambitions had grown: he would now only be satisfied when all of the Nine Hells were under his control, ready to be purged.

Now this new I’a’fret shows Abenthy his domain, and asks him to join him, in bringing justice to those who deserve it. He shows him some of the men stuck in his ceiling. This one was a rapist. This one stole from his neighbor, who starved to death as a result. And he shows him men Abenthy recognizes, men he has sent here himself. Some pirates, guilty of murder and theft. And Targaryen: guilty of being corrupted by power (not true, in fact, but Abenthy was not present for his unwilling turn to evil).

“Who am I to judge these men?” Abenthy asks. I’a’fret laughs.

“You are my son! You are no judge: you are justice itself.”

Before he took to the Nine Hells, the Aasimir had loved a human woman, a witch of the Fangorian Forest. He got her with child, but then he left to conquer the Hells, and she became afraid of his purpose. She ran from him and used her magic to hide herself and to keep the child inside of her. For a hundred years, she held onto the child until finally her power and life gave out and in desperation she took her last journey, to a monastery, where Abenthy was born to be raised by monks.

“The Gods would not approve of this,” Abenthy protests. “Venthusias would not approve of this.”

“You do not know the gods as I do,” I’a’fret answers. “You cannot comprehend their most base desires, let alone their grand purpose. They think in ways that defy your understanding. And anyway, what care you for the whims of the gods? Have you not already sentenced men to this justice? Have you not already judged them? If you had defeated Mordekai, would you not have sent him to me?”

“Gods help me, I would have,” Abenthy whispers. And with that, he makes his decision, to join his father and live up to his fate.

Playing Evil

Paladins always walk a thin line between justice and vigilantism. We worked together (Abenthy’s player and I) to see where he was comfortable taking his character, and I set this encounter up as an opportunity for him to roleplay out his inner tormoil and figure out what would become of Abenthy.

What became of him was that he is now a Lawful Evil Hell Knight in the service of I’a’fret. Playing an evil character is one of my favorite topics to debate in Dungeons and Dragons forums. A lot of people simplify evil down to destructive maniacs who kill for fun and are one wicked laugh short of becoming the Joker (I’ve played my fair share for sure). While this can be entertaining in a fantasy environment, it often doesn’t make for a very long lasting game and is tough to do in a party where evil and good characters are mixed. For that, a subtler, more realistic kind of evil is needed.

Evil doesn’t have to mean crazy. Evil doesn’t have to mean killer. Evil doesn’t have to mean screwing others over. And even if it does mean those things, the character doesn’t have to think of it that way. Realistically, outside of demons, most evil characters probably don’t think of themselves as “evil.” They don’t laugh maniacally and twirl a mustache while looking for the next virgin to tie to a tree outside a dragon’s lair. They have wants and desires just like any character and these motivate their actions towards good or evil. Most of these characters think of themselves as the heroes of their own stories.

For Abenthy, he thinks he is doing “good.” He believes that he is bringing justice to a world bereft of it and punishing sinners. That he has joined the service of a Devil Lord to do this occurs to him for sure, but he has logic’ed this out already with himself, and with the Devil Lord in question. If anything, he questions his decisions less now then ever before, and it is this blind adherence to his desire for justice that will cause him to do evil. That, and the fact that he is feeding souls to I’a’fret. But nether of these things will keep him or the other players from having fun and playing a good/evil mixed campaign. Abenthy still has his reasons for wanting to find Haggemoth’s tomb....

For now, the power of I’a’fret brings him back to life in time to murder one of the knights and send the others running, Herzog and the young blonde among them, carrying Athos’ unconscious body between them.

And that is how the whole fight concludes. The fire is eventually put out, and the other players healed. Men at arms enter the building and determine that this is WAY above their pay grade and respectfully ask that everyone, the sisters and the heroes, remain in the monastery until a Justicar can be called from the mainland to sit in judgement of the situation. This works for the players for the moment, as they need to do their research in the library anyway. However, there is a time limit placed on them, for they soon have a visit from Clem, captain of Twyin’s Revenge, who warns them that the knights who escaped have already poisoned the world against them, making their version of events very publicaly known. The Justicar chosen to judge them is planning to end the trial quickly and declare them guilty of murder of the former Abbott and his men. And he is only days away.

Next time we will conclude the story of Celaenos and see whether the heroes make it out in time with the information they need. Next time: Shattered Expectations.

[flowers-creativity]

🖤 Can I have some Porthos Whump + "we're almost home."?👀

Here you go!

D'Artagnan feels the horse tremble beneath him and prays that it will hold out until they're back home.

He loves horses, always had, and his father had taught him well how to take care of them, what not to do. Today, he's probably breaking at least half of these unwritten rules, and he might just end up killing this horse with it.

The thing is, he doesn't really care. As much as he loves horses, if the choice is between the horse and the man at his back, he will always choose his brother.

His brother whose weight has been resting on his back more and more over the past however many hours since the ambush and the start of his headlong ride back. He's sure Porthos would not still be on the horse if he hadn't tied him to the saddle and his own waist. It would have been better to have him in front of him, if only so he could check that he is still breathing, but even if Porthos has only a couple of centimetres on him, they have all found that having him in front while riding is just impossible with his bulk.

D'Artagnan pushes the thought away that he doesn't know if Porthos is still breathing. He momentarily frees one hand from the reins to rest it on Porthos's, laying slack against his thigh. “Hold on,” he says, willing the words to travel through his touch if Porthos can't hear him, reaching his brother however they might, “we're almost home. Just hold on.”

Finally, finally, Paris looms before him. He has to slow down once the horse's hooves are clicking against cobblestone, the streets before him not overly busy but enough that he has to go slow and pay attention to where he's going. The horse breathes heavily, its sides heaving with relief, and he is glad that he might not have killed it but is still terrified that another life might have been lost. If only he could check his breathing …

He is barely through the garrison's gateway as he starts shouting for Aramis, and a few seconds later, Musketeers rush over to him, alerted by the urgency, and start helping him untie the rope holding Porthos in place.

And there's Aramis, pushing through the men, his sharp eyes immediately finding d'Artagnan's. “D'Artagnan?” he asks, and there is a million of questions in nothing but his name.

“Porthos,” is all d'Artagnan gets out, his voice hoarse and trembling, “please.”

Aramis just nods and turns towards Porthos who is just being lifted from the saddle and lain down on the garrison's earth with the utmost care by their other brothers. He kneels down beside him and places a hand on his neck, and d'Artagnan doesn't think he's breathing himself until Aramis pulls back his hand and lets out a sigh of relief. “He's alive.” He looks back down at Porthos, then to d'Artagnan. “What am I dealing with, here?”

“Stabbed,” d'Artagnan says, swallows, then tries again, “that one bastard, he ran him clean through. I don't … I didn't ...” The fear and worry that have kept him going all throughout the ride are finally fading, leaving him feeling faint and tired, and he's vaguely aware he is trembling. “I burned both wounds and bandaged them but I don't know if that was enough. I got him here, though.” He looks at Aramis and feels suddenly very young again. “I brought him home.”

There's a sudden presence at his back, and d'Artagnan flinches but settles as a hand comes to rest on his shoulder. “You did,” Athos says, and he sags a little bit at his voice, at the smooth, cool tone. “Thank you.”

D'Artagnan swallows and shakes his head because if he had been better, if he had been faster, Porthos wouldn't have been wounded like this, but he doesn't have the energy to protest. Instead, he watches Aramis who is now giving orders to have Porthos brought to the infirmary, calls for hot water and honey being brought up as he follows the Musketeers carrying their brother, and he is soothed knowing that Porthos is in good hands. The best.

[readbookywooks]

Elders

SOME of my readers may imagine that my young man was a sickly, ecstatic, poorly developed creature, a pale, consumptive dreamer. On the contrary, Alyosha was at this time a well-grown, red-cheeked, clear-eyed lad of nineteen, radiant with health. He was very handsome, too, graceful, moderately tall, with hair of a dark brown, with a regular, rather long, oval-shaped face, and wide-set dark grey, shining eyes; he was very thoughtful, and apparently very serene. I shall be told, perhaps, that red cheeks are not incompatible with fanaticism and mysticism; but I fancy that Alyosha was more of a realist than anyone. Oh! no doubt, in the monastery he fully believed in miracles, but, to my thinking, miracles are never a stumbling-block to the realist. It is not miracles that dispose realists to belief. The genuine realist, if he is an unbeliever, will always find strength and ability to disbelieve in the miraculous, and if he is confronted with a miracle as an irrefutable fact he would rather disbelieve his own senses than admit the fact. Even if he admits it, he admits it as a fact of nature till then unrecognised by him. Faith does not, in the realist, spring from the miracle but the miracle from faith. If the realist once believes, then he is bound by his very realism to admit the miraculous also. The Apostle Thomas said that he would not believe till he saw, but when he did see he said, "My Lord and my God!" Was it the miracle forced him to believe? Most likely not, but he believed solely because he desired to believe and possibly he fully believed in his secret heart even when he said, "I do not believe till I see." I shall be told, perhaps, that Alyosha was stupid, undeveloped, had not finished his studies, and so on. That he did not finish his studies is true, but to say that he was stupid or dull would be a great injustice. I'll simply repeat what I have said above. He entered upon this path only because, at that time, it alone struck his imagination and presented itself to him as offering an ideal means of escape for his soul from darkness to light. Add to that that he was to some extent a youth of our last epoch - that is, honest in nature, desiring the truth, seeking for it and believing in it, and seeking to serve it at once with all the strength of his soul, seeking for immediate action, and ready to sacrifice everything, life itself, for it. Though these young men unhappily fail to understand that the sacrifice of life is, in many cases, the easiest of all sacrifices, and that to sacrifice, for instance, five or six years of their seething youth to hard and tedious study, if only to multiply tenfold their powers of serving the truth and the cause they have set before them as their goal such a sacrifice is utterly beyond the strength of many of them. The path Alyosha chose was a path going in the opposite direction, but he chose it with the same thirst for swift achievement. As soon as he reflected seriously he was convinced of the existence of God and immortality, and at once he instinctively said to himself: "I want to live for immortality, and I will accept no compromise." In the same way, if he had decided that God and immortality did not exist, he would at once have become an atheist and a socialist. For socialism is not merely the labour question, it is before all things the atheistic question, the question of the form taken by atheism to-day, the question of the tower of Babel built without God, not to mount to heaven from earth but to set up heaven on earth. Alyosha would have found it strange and impossible to go on living as before. It is written: "Give all that thou hast to the poor and follow Me, if thou wouldst be perfect." Alyosha said to himself: "I can't give two roubles instead of 'all,' and only go to mass instead of 'following Him.'" Perhaps his memories of childhood brought back our monastery, to which his mother may have taken him to mass. Perhaps the slanting sunlight and the holy image to which his poor "crazy" mother had held him up still acted upon his imagination. Brooding on these things he may have come to us perhaps only to see whether here he could sacrifice all or only "two roubles," and in the monastery he met this elder. I must digress to explain what an "elder" is in Russian monasteries, and I am sorry that I do not feel very competent to do so. I will try, however, to give a superficial account of it in a few words. Authorities on the subject assert that the institution of "elders" is of recent date, not more than a hundred years old in our monasteries, though in the orthodox East, especially in Sinai and Athos, it has existed over a thousand years. It is maintained that it existed in ancient times in Russia also, but through the calamities which overtook Russia - the Tartars, civil war, the interruption of relations with the East after the destruction of Constantinople- this institution fell into oblivion. It was revived among us towards the end of last century by one of the great "ascetics," as they called him, Paissy Velitchkovsky, and his disciples. But to this day it exists in few monasteries only, and has sometimes been almost persecuted as an innovation in Russia. It flourished especially in the celebrated Kozelski Optin Monastery. When and how it was introduced into our monastery I cannot say. There had already been three such elders and Zossima was the last of them. But he was almost dying of weakness and disease, and they had no one to take his place. The question for our monastery was an important one, for it had not been distinguished by anything in particular till then: they had neither relics of saints, nor wonder - working ikons, nor glorious traditions, nor historical exploits. It had flourished and been glorious all over Russia through its elders, to see and hear whom pilgrims had flocked for thousands of miles from all parts. What was such an elder? An elder was one who took your soul, your will, into his soul and his will. When you choose an elder, you renounce your own will and yield it to him in complete submission, complete self-abnegation. This novitiate, this terrible school of abnegation, is undertaken voluntarily, in the hope of self-conquest, of self-mastery, in order, after a life of obedience, to attain perfect freedom, that is, from self; to escape the lot of those who have lived their whole life without finding their true selves in themselves. This institution of elders is not founded on theory, but was established in the East from the practice of a thousand years. The obligations due to an elder are not the ordinary "obedience" which has always existed in our Russian monasteries. The obligation involves confession to the elder by all who have submitted themselves to him, and to the indissoluble bond between him and them. The story is told, for instance, that in the early days of Christianity one such novice, failing to fulfil some command laid upon him by his elder, left his monastery in Syria and went to Egypt. There, after great exploits, he was found worthy at last to suffer torture and a martyr's death for the faith. When the Church, regarding him as a saint, was burying him, suddenly, at the deacon's exhortation, "Depart all ye unbaptised," the coffin containing the martyr's body left its place and was cast forth from the church, and this took place three times. And only at last they learnt that this holy man had broken his vow of obedience and left his elder, and, therefore, could not be forgiven without the elder's absolution in spite of his great deeds. Only after this could the funeral take place. This, of course, is only an old legend. But here is a recent instance. A monk was suddenly commanded by his elder to quit Athos, which he loved as a sacred place and a haven of refuge, and to go first to Jerusalem to do homage to the Holy Places and then to go to the north to Siberia: "There is the place for thee and not here." The monk, overwhelmed with sorrow, went to the Oecumenical Patriarch at Constantinople and besought him to release him from his obedience. But the Patriarch replied that not only was he unable to release him, but there was not and could not be on earth a power which could release him except the elder who had himself laid that duty upon him. In this way the elders are endowed in certain cases with unbounded and inexplicable authority. That is why in many of our monasteries the institution was at first resisted almost to persecution. Meantime the elders immediately began to be highly esteemed among the people. Masses of the ignorant people as well as of distinction flocked, for instance, to the elders of our monastery to confess their doubts, their sins, and their sufferings, and ask for counsel and admonition. Seeing this, the opponents of the elders declared that the sacrament of confession was being arbitrarily and frivolously degraded, though the continual opening of the heart to the elder by the monk or the layman had nothing of the character of the sacrament. In the end, however, the institution of elders has been retained and is becoming established in Russian monasteries. It is true, perhaps, that this instrument which had stood the test of a thousand years for the moral regeneration of a man from slavery to freedom and to moral perfectibility may be a two-edged weapon and it may lead some not to humility and complete self-control but to the most Satanic pride, that is, to bondage and not to freedom. The elder Zossima was sixty-five. He came of a family of landowners, had been in the army in early youth, and served in the Caucasus as an officer. He had, no doubt, impressed Alyosha by some peculiar quality of his soul. Alyosha lived in the cell of the elder, who was very fond of him and let him wait upon him. It must be noted that Alyosha was bound by no obligation and could go where he pleased and be absent for whole days. Though he wore the monastic dress it was voluntarily, not to be different from others. No doubt he liked to do so. Possibly his youthful imagination was deeply stirred by the power and fame of his elder. It was said that so many people had for years past come to confess their sins to Father Zossima and to entreat him for words of advice and healing, that he had acquired the keenest intuition and could tell from an unknown face what a new-comer wanted, and what was the suffering on his conscience. He sometimes astounded and almost alarmed his visitors by his knowledge of their secrets before they had spoken a word. Alyosha noticed that many, almost all, went in to the elder for the first time with apprehension and uneasiness, but came out with bright and happy faces. Alyosha was particularly struck by the fact that Father Zossima was not at all stern. On the contrary, he was always almost gay. The monks used to say that he was more drawn to those who were more sinful, and the greater the sinner the more he loved him. There were, no doubt, up to the end of his life, among the monks some who hated and envied him, but they were few in number and they were silent, though among them were some of great dignity in the monastery, one, for instance, of the older monks distinguished for his strict keeping of fasts and vows of silence. But the majority were on Father Zossima's side and very many of them loved him with all their hearts, warmly and sincerely. Some were almost fanatically devoted to him, and declared, though not quite aloud, that he was a saint, that there could be no doubt of it, and, seeing that his end was near, they anticipated miracles and great glory to the monastery in the immediate future from his relics. Alyosha had unquestioning faith in the miraculous power of the elder, just as he had unquestioning faith in the story of the coffin that flew out of the church. He saw many who came with sick children or relatives and besought the elder to lay hands on them and to pray over them, return shortly after - some the next day - and, falling in tears at the elder's feet, thank him for healing their sick. Whether they had really been healed or were simply better in the natural course of the disease was a question which did not exist for Alyosha, for he fully believed in the spiritual power of his teacher and rejoiced in his fame, in his glory, as though it were his own triumph. His heart throbbed, and he beamed, as it were, all over when the elder came out to the gates of the hermitage into the waiting crowd of pilgrims of the humbler class who had flocked from all parts of Russia on purpose to see the elder and obtain his blessing. They fell down before him, wept, kissed his feet, kissed the earth on which he stood, and wailed, while the women held up their children to him and brought him the sick "possessed with devils." The elder spoke to them, read a brief prayer over them, blessed them, and dismissed them. Of late he had become so weak through attacks of illness that he was sometimes unable to leave his cell, and the pilgrims waited for him to come out for several days. Alyosha did not wonder why they loved him so, why they fell down before him and wept with emotion merely at seeing his face. Oh! he understood that for the humble soul of the Russian peasant, worn out by grief and toil, and still more by the everlasting injustice and everlasting sin, his own and the world's, it was the greatest need and comfort to find someone or something holy to fall down before and worship. "Among us there is sin, injustice, and temptation, but yet, somewhere on earth there is someone holy and exalted. He has the truth; he knows the truth; so it is not dead upon the earth; so it will come one day to us, too, and rule over all the earth according to the promise." Alyosha knew that this was just how the people felt and even reasoned. He understood it, but that the elder Zossima was this saint and custodian of God's truth - of that he had no more doubt than the weeping peasants and the sick women who held out their children to the elder. The conviction that after his death the elder would bring extraordinary glory to the monastery was even stronger in Alyosha than in anyone there, and, of late, a kind of deep flame of inner ecstasy burnt more and more strongly in his heart. He was not at all troubled at this elder's standing as a solitary example before him. "No matter. He is holy. He carries in his heart the secret of renewal for all: that power which will, at last, establish truth on the earth, and all men will be holy and love one another, and there will be no more rich nor poor, no exalted nor humbled, but all will be as the children of God, and the true Kingdom of Christ will come." That was the dream in Alyosha's heart. The arrival of his two brothers, whom he had not known till then, seemed to make a great impression on Alyosha. He more quickly made friends with his half-brother Dmitri (though he arrived later) than with his own brother Ivan. He was extremely interested in his brother Ivan, but when the latter had been two months in the town, though they had met fairly often, they were still not intimate. Alyosha was naturally silent, and he seemed to be expecting something, ashamed about something, while his brother Ivan, though Alyosha noticed at first that he looked long and curiously at him, seemed soon to have left off thinking of him. Alyosha noticed it with some embarrassment. He ascribed his brother's indifference at first to the disparity of their age and education. But he also wondered whether the absence of curiosity and sympathy in Ivan might be due to some other cause entirely unknown to him. He kept fancying that Ivan was absorbed in something - something inward and important - that he was striving towards some goal, perhaps very hard to attain, and that that was why he had no thought for him. Alyosha wondered, too, whether there was not some contempt on the part of the learned atheist for him - a foolish novice. He knew for certain that his brother was an atheist. He could not take offence at this contempt, if it existed; yet, with an uneasy embarrassment which he did not himself understand, he waited for his brother to come nearer to him. Dmitri used to speak of Ivan with the deepest respect and with a peculiar earnestness. From him Alyosha learnt all the details of the important affair which had of late formed such a close and remarkable bond between the two elder brothers. Dmitri's enthusiastic references to Ivan were the more striking in Alyosha's eyes since Dmitri was, compared with Ivan, almost uneducated, and the two brothers were such a contrast in personality and character that it would be difficult to find two men more unlike. It was at this time that the meeting, or, rather gathering of the members of this inharmonious family took place in the cell of the elder who had such an extraordinary influence on Alyosha. The pretext for this gathering was a false one. It was at this time that the discord between Dmitri and his father seemed at its acutest stage and their relations had become insufferably strained. Fyodor Pavlovitch seems to have been the first to suggest, apparently in joke, that they should all meet in Father Zossima's cell, and that, without appealing to his direct intervention, they might more decently come to an understanding under the conciliating influence of the elder's presence. Dmitri, who had never seen the elder, naturally supposed that his father was trying to intimidate him, but, as he secretly blamed himself for his outbursts of temper with his father on several recent occasions, he accepted the challenge. It must be noted that he was not, like Ivan, staying with his father, but living apart at the other end of the town. It happened that Pyotr Alexandrovitch Miusov, who was staying in the district at the time, caught eagerly at the idea. A Liberal of the forties and fifties, a freethinker and atheist, he may have been led on by boredom or the hope of frivolous diversion. He was suddenly seized with the desire to see the monastery and the holy man. As his lawsuit with the monastery still dragged on, he made it the pretext for seeing the Superior, in order to attempt to settle it amicably. A visitor coming with such laudable intentions might be received with more attention and consideration than if he came from simple curiosity. Influences from within the monastery were brought to bear on the elder, who of late had scarcely left his cell, and had been forced by illness to deny even his ordinary visitors. In the end he consented to see them, and the day was fixed. "Who has made me a judge over them?" was all he said, smilingly, to Alyosha. Alyosha was much perturbed when he heard of the proposed visit. Of all the wrangling, quarrelsome party, Dmitri was the only one who could regard the interview seriously. All the others would come from frivolous motives, perhaps insulting to the elder. Alyosha was well aware of that. Ivan and Miusov would come from curiosity, perhaps of the coarsest kind, while his father might be contemplating some piece of buffoonery. Though he said nothing, Alyosha thoroughly understood his father. The boy, I repeat, was far from being so simple as everyone thought him. He awaited the day with a heavy heart. No doubt he was always pondering in his mind how the family discord could be ended. But his chief anxiety concerned the elder. He trembled for him, for his glory, and dreaded any affront to him, especially the refined, courteous irony of Miusov and the supercilious half-utterances of the highly educated Ivan. He even wanted to venture on warning the elder, telling him something about them, but, on second thoughts, said nothing. He only sent word the day before, through a friend, to his brother Dmitri, that he loved him and expected him to keep his promise. Dmitri wondered, for he could not remember what he had promised, but he answered by letter that he would do his utmost not to let himself be provoked "by vileness," but that, although he had a deep respect for the elder and for his brother Ivan, he was convinced that the meeting was either a trap for him or an unworthy farce. "Nevertheless I would rather bite out my tongue than be lacking in respect to the sainted man whom you reverence so highly," he wrote in conclusion. Alyosha was not greatly cheered by the letter.