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tundrainafrica · 3 years

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do you currently have any snk universe LeviHan headcanons on your mind?

Okay, before I go into this question, I just have to say my brain is literally a conglomeration of head canons which I’ve built up after hanging in this site for months so at this point, I even have trouble telling which one is real or not because everyone just thinks up such beautiful and reasonable ones.

I wanna talk about one headcanon though which is not really talked about because I don’t think a lot of people jive with. This one resonates with me so well though that I ended up writing it in all my fics even if it’s only barely hinted and was never confirmed in canon. But Imma just drop it here because like I would have wanted to talk about it anyway so now or never.

Since no one ever confirmed Hange’s history I took liberties with it.

Hange grew up in a rich family within Wall Sina.

So my headcanon is Hange grew up rich. Like really rich, not necessarily royalty but at least noble family rich.

Like Hange could have chosen not to work a day in her life beyond managing family properties and businesses like a larger version of the Reeves company but she just had such a passion for discovering the outside world and research that she ended up deciding to join the survey corps anyway, one of the shittiest factions in the military out of passion. This ended up causing a rift to grow between her and her family which is why she never talks about her family or her history.

Are there hints in canon?

These are probably my interpretations but I kinda see possible crumbs which can be interpreted as Hange having grown up rich or at least highly educated.

For one, where do you get the knack and obsession for research? To a degree someone has to have had a lot of time in their life or a lot of time beyond trying to find food or trying to survive to get so deep into something as complex as research, especially in that crapsack world. If Hange was living hand to mouth, she wouldn’t have been neck deep into research. Mind you, Hange is the type of person to get into research for days, completely disregarding her own personal needs and other obligations. This could be interpreted either way but I think not having to work a day in her life growing up, Hange had the leeway to enjoy research and appreciate it, and had built the habit of just locking herself in her room to get stuff done because of her environment growing up. If she had a family to feed, if they were living hand to mouth, I doubt Hange would have built this habit.

Hange’s room is constantly a mess. It could be interpreted both ways,I know. But we have Levi who hates filth because he grew up in filth. We have Hange who lives in a messy room among clutter because maybe she had someone cleaning up after her growing up? When she finally started living alone, she started thinking, I’m too busy to clean this up myself and just goes about her life. Levi, who had lived in filth all his life, ends up the one cleaning after her because he’s traumatized by filth to the point of fastidiousness. While Hange is not.

Hange is familiar with powerplay and media manipulation. What kind of work did she do in Season 3? She did a lot of the politick-ing, the media manipulation and the behind the scenes work to get Reeves back into power and she did a really good job at it. I think this could be interpreted as her having grown up within the walls, brushing elbows among the elite to have known how it works. Hange was one of those completely aware that the uprising and the rebellion could not be completed without getting the trust and the faith of the people. She was also one of the people who knew exactly how that type of shit worked and that's why it went so smoothly in her end.

Hange is okay getting her hands dirty. This could be seen as a counterargument. If Hange was rich, why is she okay getting her hands dirty? I’d like to point out here her motivations for it and the way she goes about it compared to Levi. When Levi fights or tortures, the way he goes about it is he just knows it’s a necessity and something he has to do to get things done. When Hange fights or tortures, there is a sort of wonder or curiosity in her face, which shows she is more motivated by the wonder and the unpredictability that comes with working in the survey corps more than anything. Although Hange has a good heart, she is not as in touch with the struggles of the poor and the powerless as Levi imo. I don’t think it came as naturally for her. In fact, the penchant for survival and the mindset of doing something because it’s necessary did not come as naturally for Hange as it did for Levi. Hange gets her hands bloody because she likes dissection, she likes trying to learn new things (like learning to torture) and this type of perspective, not coming naturally for someone like her at least hints to the idea that she grew up with enough financial leeway to at least not understand that some unfavorable things may have to be done out of necessity.

They glossed over her history. Maybe she had no childhood trauma? Although Hange did have traumas which were put into light after she joined the survey corps, we never hear about any traumas or any big revelations about her life before that. Maybe it was comfortable? Maybe comfortable to the point of forgettable? It was a good life maybe, enough to brush it off lightly. Maybe her life was just so conventionally normal, and the worst she ever experienced is deciding to defy her parents and adjust to a mildly middle class existence as part of the shittiest factions of the military (which is still a farcry from being dirt poor or having lost her parents at a young age.)

What does this mean for my Levihan HC?

It adds an interesting facet to the Levihan dynamic in my end. That’s why I ended up keeping this around as a silent headcanon and I’ll just drop some of them here.

Hange had to teach Levi about living above ground

The culture above ground is completely different. Business language, writing documents are something which Levi probably had to learn when he joined the survey corps and became captain. Hange was rich enough to at least have a good education and formal schooling for her to have sheer mastery of how the rich people talk, how budgets are drafted and how announcements are made in a way to please the rich people. Hange knew that and thats why she ended up doing a lot of logistics and research. In fact, she could have been better than Erwin, which could possibly hint to her even having better education than him.

Levi probably never mastered business language and logistics, which is why he never took any other role beyond special squad leader. Although he has the eye for strategy and combat, he cannot for the life of him handle paperwork or the logistics of being a supreme commander.

Also, they lived in a medieval place so we can assume this type of education wouldn’t be accessible to most people in the outer walls, which kinda supports the point that Hange wasn’t poor or even lower middle class. Like I’m expecting at the least she was on the same social class as Jean.

They fight over budgets.

If I remember correctly, this has been confirmed in canon. Hange handles budgets and Levi likes to blow the budget with luxuries. Hange has simple joys for someone who grew up rich. Having grown up with a lot of money and a formal education, I wouldn't find it surprising that she was a master of budgeting and that’s why she ended up taking over that job in the survey corps. She also handled supplies and her department probably required the most budget. Not surprising that she handled the overall budget.

Hange handles the budgeting and Levi likes to blow the budget on tea and luxuries. It was explained before why Levi blows the budget on tea. Levi loves certain luxuries but never really had them in the underground which is why he enjoys them know in the military. Hange doesn’t have much of an eye for luxuries because she grew up with them already. There’s nothing much which would impress her luxury wise so she doesn’t see the need or the joys of blowing the military budget on slight luxuries.

Hange buys him the teas.

Although Hange has a rift with her rich family already. I don’t think her relationship with them was ever that bad. She was probably like a black sheep, who they would roll their eyes at during family gatherings. “The one child who ran away to join the shit hole military faction.” I think she still has access to their money and they still drop gifts. I have this head canon that Hange actually buys him the teas or gives the nice pastries or souvenirs she would receive from them to Levi so Levi could at least enjoy those too.

These are the only HCs I can come up with now but I have sprinkled a lot of my fanfiction with them and it is practically canon in my head for many reasons… Mainly because it is an incredibly interesting headcanon and facet of their relationship to consider.

Analyzing the romantic relationship between two people from different social classes is just incredibly interesting.

Levi and Hange are complete opposites yet manage to jive. This is a common sentiment and take among all the people in the fandom. But what if you take into account as well that they are from different social classes?

I’ve seen this type of relationship in real life and there’s a lot of adjustment involved but it really puts into light how open certain relationships are that differences in social background are discussed and navigated instead of treated as a dealbreaker on why the relationship won’t work.

Growing up poor and experiencing starvation stays with people and it manifests itself in the small things. In Levi, it manifested itself in his having a special appreciation for luxuries and his obsession for cleanliness. Hange never batted an eyelash at any of those luxuries being in the survey corps offered. For someone handling such a budget, she never felt the need to spend on anything too fancy. In fact, when they were eating beef in that one seen, she didn’t really think too much of it compared to the cadets who grew up in small villages in Wall Rose or Wall Maria.

Even in my family, my mother grew up poor so she has this certain appreciation for saving everything and keeping it. She hates it when we throw away food.. My father never grew up poor so he has this penchant for investing and reinvesting. He has this mindset that if we earn 100 dollars we spend 10. While my mom points out that that 10% isn’t enough for most people to live in. My parents get into the most interesting discussions and arguments having grown up in completely different social classes and I guess, it ended up why I ride so much with this headcanon. It’s just so dam interesting. Tbh, my boyfriend and I are form completely different social classes too so the way we go about material things and money are really different and it’s really interesting to navigate it when the discourse is calm and comprehensive so these relationships kinda influenced this Levihan headcanon.

I feel like for Levi and Hange, this social class issue was a give and take. Hange thought him how to butt elbows with the ultra rich in the military, having been trained herself how to talk to rich people and win their favor. Levi was the one who put into light for Hange the realities of the war and the lower classes.

Hange is a good heart and I’m sure she is aware but I just don’t think she was as in touch with it as Levi who had grown up with it. What she brings to the table for Levi That’s why is the capacity to see the wonder with everything since even in Season 1, it was shown that she wasn’t as jaded as other people in the military. Because she had her whole childhood to build that wonder already, not having seen suffering as a child growing up.

Sorry, if this is pretty long. This HC is pretty important to me because it just adds another facet of their relationship to explore when I write.

I hope you enjoyed reading it at least. Thanks for the ask!

#levihan #levi ackerman #hange zoe #levi x hange #levi x hanji

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winryofresembool · 3 years

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Things We Lost in the Fire, ch 30

aka Caleo uni au

Fic summary: Calypso starts studying at a new university, but to her annoyance her new flatmate is a loud mouthed mechanic who also likes to sneak his dog in whenever. But as she learns to know him better, she realizes they might have more in common than what she first thought. Eventually, even the darkest secrets come out…

Chapter summary: At Waystation, pt 3/?

A/N: Chapter 30 already! This chapter was not an easy one to edit as I was insecure about a lot of things, but hey, it's out now and that's what matters, right? I am so aware things are progressing a bit slowly right now but I feel it's kind of 'necessary' to have a bit of down time before things start going down. (Not that I'm capable of writing actual drama.) Well, at least we'll find out a bit more about Leo's past in this chapter.

Without a further ado, please enjoy and let me know what you think (those comments really help me!!!)

Words: exactly 3000 apparently :O

Genre: romance & hurt/comfort

Warnings: none

previous chapter / AO3

...

After breakfast Leo asked Calypso if she would like him to give her a tour around Waystation. She agreed, but Leo couldn’t help but raise his eyebrow at his family members when Georgina asked if she could go with the flatmates and Leo’s mothers told her that they needed Georgie’s help in some Christmas chores.

“What?” Josephine asked innocently when she noticed Leo staring.

“I dunno, tía Jo. It just kinda seems like you don’t want Georgie to hang out with us,” he stated bluntly.

“That’s not accurate at all, Leo,” she denied. “I’d gladly let Georgina go with you but we really do need her help around here. Christmas isn’t coming if we all just slack off, right, Emmie?”

“I agree, dear. I haven’t even…” Emmie’s hesitance only deepened Leo’s suspicions. “...hmmm, taken care of our mistletoes yet.”

“Mistletoes?” Leo crossed his arms over his chest, briefly daring to wonder what would happen if he and Calypso were under one of those plants at the same time. He shook his head to dispel such an idea.

“Didn’t we agree that we don’t need stuff like that? You don’t even like Christmas!”

“I may agree that this holiday is way too commercial these days, but since Emmie has some mistletoes growing in her greenhouse anyway, I don’t see why we wouldn’t use them,” Jo commented. “It’s nice that Georgie gets to experience some of the old traditions even if we grownups don’t care about them.”

“Whatever,” Leo rolled his eyes, knowing he wouldn’t win that battle.

“Um, if you need extra hands,” Calypso joined the conversation, addressing Jo and Emmie, “I don’t have to go with Leo. I’d love to help too.”

Leo felt a twinge of disappointment because of Calypso’s suggestion. His insecure side yelled that maybe he had misread Calypso’s intentions all along.

“Oh, no, no!” Emmie denied immediately. “You are our guest; we want you to take it easy and enjoy your stay here. I bet Leo’s tour is a lot more fun than us peeling way too many potatoes and carrots for the casserole.”

“I wouldn’t mind peeling potatoes,” Calypso mumbled but Leo’s mothers pretended they didn’t even hear that. The flatmates simply had to accept that they wouldn’t have a chaperone - except maybe Festus - on their tour.

Once the two of them were outside, Leo’s thoughts went back to the time when he had first arrived at Waystation. Back then, he had been only 15, having just escaped from his latest foster home, which had been located far away in New Mexico. His foster family there had hidden their opinion on him very badly, giving him sly remarks about his looks and telling him to speak clearer English even though Leo’s English had always been fine, thanks to his real mother allowing him to learn both Spanish and English as a small kid. They had also made him do the hard work such as carrying heavy loads while the other foster kid of the family got the easy tasks. And when he had come home from school with bad grades, the foster parents had commented: “why do we even bother with you?”

At some point Leo had simply had enough, and by selling some of the few belongings he had he had managed to gather just enough money for one plane ticket and so he flew to Indianapolis without telling anything to his foster family.

After living on the streets and successfully dodging the authorities for a couple of weeks, the police finally found him and contacted the local social workers. Thankfully, after Leo put all his convincing skills to use, they agreed to not send him back to New Mexico, instead finding him a new foster family nearby. Leo hadn’t had high expectations because he had been in at least 6 different foster homes since his mother’s death and none of them had been a good match for him. Some had been abusive, some racist, some ignorant, some had had kids who were bullies, some had had alcohol issues… What had been common for them all was that none of them had treated him the way they should have.

That was why Leo had picked some bad habits too; he wanted to drown his feelings somehow and he ended up stealing small amounts of money from his foster family so he could buy alcohol from his older homeless ‘friends’. He had hated how it made him feel afterwards, but it had been the only way he had known how to deal with his issues. At some point he had even had suicidal thoughts because the guilt and trauma from his childhood got so bad he woke up covered in sweat after the same old fire filled nightmare almost every night. And going from foster home to foster home and feeling like none of those people cared what he really did with his life definitely didn’t help him regain his feeling of self worth. He had no future, no plans, no real friends or family and nowhere to go.

Luckily, during his worst phase in his last foster home someone from his homeless group mentioned having a relative in Indiana and that he was hoping to move there at some point in hopes of getting a new start for his life. That idea sparked something in Leo’s mind and when he started planning his big escape, Indianapolis was the first place that he thought of.

When he finally met Jo and Emmie, he was surprised. Seeing them spending time with their then 5-year-old adoptive daughter, he could tell that these women genuinely cared about the little girl and did everything for her wellbeing. Not only that, Jo was a mechanic just like Leo’s real mother and they had also other things in common. With some patience and showing that they cared, simply by making sure that Leo ate, rested and had something to do with his time other than dwelling on his sad past, they eventually won him over. And when Leo discovered thanks to Jo’s help that he himself had the skills to become a mechanic someday as well, he finally had a goal to reach and studying wasn’t quite as big a struggle for him anymore.

Soon, however, Leo became afraid that Jo and Emmie wouldn’t want to keep him around because he still had some bad days when he literally had to be dragged from his bed. He was also worried that maybe the women had heard what he had done in his past and were silently judging him. Instead, they surprised him by telling him that they wanted to officially adopt him much like Georgina because he was a part of their family now. As an added bonus they assigned him for therapy sessions, which really helped and the days when he didn’t want to do anything became less and less. Leo knew he was still a work in progress but this family had helped him so much and he had found his purpose, his home, at Waystation.

Calypso had naturally noticed Leo’s silence so eventually she asked:

“Are you OK? You’re being unusually quiet.”

“Oh, yeah, just dandy!” Leo exclaimed, trying to act more like his usual self. “I was just thinking about the times when I first moved in here.”

“Really? Do you want to tell me more about that?” Calypso asked curiously.

“I guess it won’t hurt.” Leo shrugged. “I don’t remember if I’ve told you that I was in a lot of foster homes before I got here. Well, my last foster parents were really shitty people and I was this close to… I dunno, doing something desperate. So I decided to just leave and ended up here in Indianapolis. I, um, was homeless for a bit but when the social workers got me into their hands they found me a new family, Jo and Emmie. At first they were supposed to only foster me for a time being but they ended up adopting me instead. I… haven’t told this to anyone, but they probably saved my life by doing that. The Leo from that time was far from the Super-Sized McSizzle that I am now,” he attempted to joke, but Calypso ignored that. Instead, she said:

“I’m sorry you had to go through that… but I’m glad you opened up about it to me.” Leo’s heart did an extra jump when he saw Calypso smiling at him supportingly. He would never get used to that. “And I’m glad Jo and Emmie adopted you.”

“Yeah, me too… When I first saw the place I was like, ‘wow, I wish I could stay here’. Obviously the people here are awesome - they are my family - but that wasn’t the only thing the 15-year-old me cared about. The cars and other machines Jo was fixing? So cool. I had only seen something like that at my childhood home and the nostalgia hit me like ‘boom’ right away.”

“I should have known it was the machines that convinced you to stay here,” Calypso teased, but Leo knew her already too well to get provoked by that.

“Nah. I mean, they’re neat and all, but Jo and Emmie did the actual convincing.”

“Okay, I believe you. So, was Jo’s garage what made you want to become a mechanical engineer?” Calypso asked.

“I guess the spark was always there but it took me a while to convince myself that I should try to pursue that goal. But when I started going to school again regularly – long story, don’t ask – I noticed that the sciences were easy for me, I was also decent enough at drawing – which of course helps with the blueprints and stuff – and Jo let me try fixing some of the simpler machines she had and turned out I wasn’t half bad. It was Jo and Emmie who kept pushing me to apply for the uni, though, because they believed in me more than I did. I’m thankful that they did it but… sometimes I still doubt...” Leo hadn’t talked about his insecurities even to his adoptive mothers so he felt that the fact that he was able to open up about it to Calypso was a big deal.

“I’ve seen you fix countless items,” Calypso said slowly. “I’ve noticed that you’re always… so different when you’re fiddling with your machines. More relaxed. Calmer. Surer of what you do. And your eyes sparkle and you hum some old school rock song while you work and I can just tell that you’re exactly where you’re supposed to be.”

Leo had to avert his eyes from her because he was afraid he would do something stupid like cry if he looked at her too long in that moment. No matter how encouraging his family, friends and the therapist were… it was still hard to get used to the compliments. And if he was honest to himself, he probably valued Calypso’s opinion more than anyone else’s at that point.

“Wow… umm… I don’t know how to answer that…” He rubbed the back of his neck.

“A simple thank you would probably do,” Calypso replied. “But know that I mean what I say. Now, how about you show me that famous garage?”

Leo did as he was told. He introduced Calypso to all the tools and machinery they used to fix whatever item the customer happened to bring in. He had a feeling that Calypso probably didn’t have any idea what he was talking about half the time because he tended to get very technical with the terms when he got excited, but she still seemed content listening to him. At least she wasn’t telling him to stop, which was definitely a plus.

To Leo’s surprise, Calypso went to the table where he and Jo used to draw their blueprints and asked him if she could see how he did it because she hadn’t seen his blueprints before. He complied, taking a pencil and a piece of blank paper from the stack and looking at Calypso questioningly.

“What do you want me to draw, then? I may have some experience on this but even I need some ideas first…”

“You can draw whatever you like. How about Festus?” Calypso requested.

“Festus?” Leo tapped the pencil against his chin for a moment, considering Calypso’s request. “Hmm, as you wish, Sunshine.”

He started making fast, swift motions on the paper and it didn’t take him very long to finish the sketch. Sure, the lines were a bit rough, but Calypso told him she was very impressed by how accurately he remembered even the little details, such as a dark spot on Festus’ back, how the tail curved when he was happy, and how he was missing a tiny piece of the tip of his left ear.

Leo felt a bit embarrassed by the praise. “It just comes with me hanging out with him so much. Nothing more to it, really.” He looked at the sketch for a moment. “Hold on, I feel like this is missing something. Can you look towards that window for a moment?”

“What, why?” Calypso asked, but turned anyway.

“Just adding something real quick,” Leo replied and started sketching again. He wondered if it was the lighting of the room but he thought Calypso’s cheeks seemed a bit darker than usual and she kept looking at the floor shyly. When he realized that he’d probably feel the same way if she was drawing him, he himself got flustered and decided to try to finish the drawing as quickly as possible. Within minutes he had drawn her next to Festus, playing with him, wearing the same holiday sweater and jeans she currently was.

“Can I see?” Calypso asked.

“Uh, yeah, sure.” Leo gave the picture to her. “It’s not detailed or anything but I tried.”

Calypso kept staring at it for a moment. “Leo… this looks great! I mean, I don’t think I am that pretty but I am quite amazed that you managed to do this that fast!”

Leo wanted to say that there was no way the picture did her justice but he knew that would be a never ending debate so instead he told her: “It’s the experience, Sunshine. When you draw hundreds of blueprints you learn to be fast.”

Calypso turned her attention to the drawing again. “Can I get it?” she asked after a while.

“Why?”

“Because Festus looks cute, you weirdo. That’s a good enough reason, right?”

“Fine, you can have it. I’m not sure where I’d put it anyway.” Leo shrugged. He wasn’t sure why Calypso possibly hanging the picture on her wall made him feel a bit weird. In a good way, though.

Once the two of them left the garage, Leo pointed at a smaller building next to the ‘main’ one. A couple of pointy ears were peeking from the upstairs windows. “That’s where our foster animals live. I think the kid me wished on some level that I could have a pet but my mom could never afford one… but Jo and Emmie have been fostering rescue cats and dogs even before I got here. One of them was Festus’ mum; she was pregnant when she arrived here. When she had her puppies, I noticed that one of them was a bit of an outsider and we instantly formed a bond. Jo and Emmie allowed him to stay here even though he sure would have had adopters.”

“That was really sweet of them,” Calypso commented. “Can we see who’s in there right now?”

“Sure but we should probably let Emmie know about it because she’s pretty strict about who can go in. She may ask us to wear ‘bunny suits’; some of the animals may be sick and we don’t wanna spread the bugs around.”

“No problem, let’s go see her then.”

When Emmie heard what Leo and Calypso were about to do, she promised to stop her Christmas chores for a while so she could show them (mainly Calypso) around in the rescue house. Currently she was fostering two young puppies who had been found on the streets without their mother, a mother cat with her 4 kittens who were getting close to their adoption age, and an older cat with some kidney issues who seemed to however adore the little kittens.

Leo was watching Calypso’s reactions closely as Emmie was introducing her to the kittens. Soon one of the braver kittens climbed on the girl’s lap, giving her a tiny ‘meow’ and then started nuzzling against her sleeve.

“Aww, look Leo! He loves me,” Calypso exclaimed, smiling widely as the kitten started purring loudly on her lap while she pet him. ‘He’s not the only one,’ Leo thought in his mind. Aloud he asked: “Why do you sound so surprised?”

“I guess because I’ve never really handled cats so I didn’t know how they’d react to me…” Calypso noted more seriously. But then the happiness returned to her face. “You know, this one reminds me of you! He also has long, black hair like you and fierce eyes.”

“Fierce?” Leo raised his eyebrow. “That’s what you think of me?”

Calypso seemed to want to explain but with Emmie in the room she didn’t go to details. “Um, maybe? Hey, look! Another one is coming!”

This time a small ginger kitten was approaching her and Calypso extended her arm so the kitten could sniff her. The group kept making small talk about the cats in the room and continued snuggling them, but Leo’s eyes were on Calypso the whole time. He could see how happy she was about such a simple thing as kittens and it made him feel lighter, warmer again, even though he had just remembered some very bad times a few moments earlier. Maybe all of it had been meant to happen, he wondered briefly. After all, it led him here, to his family… and Calypso.

#caleo #leo valdez #calypso #heroes of olympus #percy jackson and the olympians #trials of apollo #my fics #caleo uni au

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general-du-vallon · 3 years

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I find it really bizarre how there are multiple story-lines in the BBC Musketeres about slavery where the slavers are treated sympathetically. By which I don't mean that all slavers should be inhuman, because people who were part of the slave-trade were human and were like us (I'm white), we have to see ourselves in them, I think it's really important that we see ourselves in them and see ourselves as part of that history. So having Bonnaire who is charming, likeable, interesting, entertaining character who I like and then am horrified at myself for liking, that's great, that does something interesting with the narrative of 'slave traders are all evil and souless' and reminds us that, no, slavers are us, we can still easily perpetuate those sorts of systems.

(racism and slave-trade content warnings, as you'd imagine)

This is long, so basically it'll be - Bonnaire and the season one episode, Pierre Pepin and the season two episode, and then a little bit on Bonnaire's return in season three.

I haven't rewatched for this random splurge of thoughts, but I think the Bonnaire episode in season one is an okay arc. I could probably say something about how I think it's not necessarily bad, but definitely worth interogating the ways the writers give the majority of the story and character beats about slavery to the mixed-race Porthos character. But really what I think needs interogating is two things.

First, the way the episode tries to balance this heavy subject with Athos's history, which is more important to the series-long arc. It ends up (accidentally?) drawing uncomfortable parallels.

There isn't really a good way to compare or contrast a white man's guilt and grief over his (white) wife who was executed (by him). There's never a graceful way to push aside generational trauma from the ongoing slave-trade, or a black man's grief over discovering a man he looked up to is a slaver. Especially not when you're trying to juggle staging that grief and trauma with the white characters' trauma and grief, and most especially when it's the white stuff that turns out to be the main narrative drive of the series and the rest just gets put aside not to be brought up again. It's just bad. There's a lot more to say and think about, but that's a starting point.

Secondly, Paul Munier. Paul fucking Munier. Guys! He's part of the slave-trade too! framing him as an honest merchant is fucked up. He's not the good guy. We can't go 'okay so Bonnaire is bad, but the things he has got through the slave trade, those belong to Paul Munier, who bought them, and is honest and good'. The slave-trade was a triangle - you go to Africa and you kidnap and enslave hundreds of human beings, you take them on ships to America and plantations, you force them to produce sugar-cane and rum (rum is what Bonnaire is drinking on that wagon, when he's telling Porthos dreamy stories). Sugar and rum, those are like, bywords for 'slave-trade'. And then you sell those comoddities and you buy whatever the fuck you want to sell to fuckers like Paul Munier and bring it back to France, and then you go to Africa again. Paul Munier is part of the slave trade. He might not buy and sell human beings, but he supports and props up Bonnaire, and he benefits from the slave-trade.

He might be a good guy, I dunno. I odn't think it's a black and white issue of he's a merchant therefore he's the bad guy. But I think it's worth interogating and thinking about who gets to be innocent in this story.

I know Bonnaire comes back in series three but I'm ignoring that for this second. The other narrative around slavery I think about is actually the one in season two, where the king and d'Artagnan are kidnapped by slavers. Sigh. What are we going to do about this one, huh? there is a lot. I'm gonna put aside the whole 'white slaves' thing because I don't know what to do with that. It took me a few times watching this show to realise 'oh, right, yeah, Milady is a slaver'. Between series one and series two, she made money by selling humans. I know she's moraly ambiguous but I think that gets brushed aside and reframed very quickly. I don't think any of these characters are really framed as slavers. I forget their names, I think Stephen something? The brother who gets gutted by Rochefort in the palace. Yeah, he's a slaver too.

Other than the writers quickly forgetting that these characters are committing attrocities (it's not THE slave trade, so it is different, which I guess might be where the white slavers thing comes in, which is still, no, I still don't know what to do with that). I think the main issue with this narrative arc is what you'd expect the issue to be - the black character. Pierre Pepin.

Where do we begin with that? That was just a lot of bullshit. Pierrre Pepin is a black man in shackles,which is always a questionable choice when you're thinking what to put on TV to be honest. Especially when you then go about killing the him, and wow do you ever want to have second thoughts about having him die for the white royal. That's just not good. I don't like that he's against the king's systematic opession based on class and race, then he does a little turnaround when he meets the king. I guess the 'becomes a royalist when he sees that the white dude is nice' is necessary for the 'willing to die for his king' thing. I'm gonna go with a big nope for all of this.

There's a slave-narrative in each of the three seasons; there's Bonnaire, then there's Pierre Pepin's story, and then Bonnaire returns. He might not be a slaver anymore in season three, but the episode deals with Porthos's reaction to him, so it becomes that - the damage he did is not erased by him being quirky and funny. Again, the very real generational trauma that the slave-trade still inflicts is pushed aside for another character's past and current grief. I know Santiago Cabrera is Chilean and is brown, I'm not saying he should be pushes aside either. Just noting that in each episode Porthos's grief is set up in competition to another character's grief, and it's interesting I think that it's one of the other's backstories in each case. I don't have a conclusion about that, I'm just observing I guess. Anyway, each season has these slave-narratives, I think it'd be interesting to pull these out more and think about the ways the slave-trade is referenced and written about in the series, and why it's done in these ways.

I said it was bizzare how these narratives treat the characters who are perpetuating and benefiting from the slave trade, as well as the characters who are explicitly slavers. I also think it's definitley a choice to shove in multiple storylines about white people, in these narratives. Again, I know the Santiago Cabrera isn't white, but whatever Aramis's friend in that episode is called, is.There is the scene in that episode where Constance (a white woman) has a go at Porthos for the way he stitches Bonnaire, and Bonnaire is largely treated sympathetically in that episode. The characters on the periphery of the slave-trade are barely acknowledged as such, and characters like Milady and Stephen Mautrim (name is off the top of my head I'm not sure) are pretty much absolved of that, and I think we mostly just forget that part of Milady's story. And Pierre Pepin. God, I still don't really know where to start with his story.

I think it's worth thinking about these narratives and interogating this, because the slave-trade was a real historical event and a real trauma that still has impact today. The way we write about and consume stories about it is important. It's also important to remember that Porthos's mother was written as a freed woman because Alexandre Dumas's grandmother was a freed woman. It's a very real and very close history that's being used for these narratives, and it's heavy, you know? You've got to give it space to be heavy. It's a heavy part of this fandom, too, because it's not just something that's in the show, it's something that's in our fandom spaces. The racism and white-supremacy that makes these narratives what they are is part of our fandom.

so... those are my random thoughts on that .

#i haven't edited this #bbc musketeers #the musketeers #meta #racism #slavery

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theyilinglaozus · 3 years

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I'm definitely joining you in the XXC/SL bubble haha. The cultivator event was so much fun!! I'm really going to miss it as well! And I've yet to listen to Blackpink's album, been putting this off for too long😂 Vinyls are so great!! My dad has a vinyl player and lots of old (80s/90s) vinyls and to me, listening to them is just comfort, comfort, comfort! I've actually given him some of my favourite albums on vinyl, too, but mostly I listen to his W.A.S.P./Warlock/Steeler/Accept etc. stuff -✨

Even though my top Spotify band of 2020 was one of my oldest favourites, I've discovered so much new stuff this year! My favourite releases (albums) would have to be HUMAN:||:NATURE by Nightwish, Folkesange by Myrkur and folklore by Taylor Swift. As for songs, I really loved Endlessness by Nightwish, Abyss of Time - Countdown to Singularity by Epica, exile by Taylor Swift, God's Menu by Stray Kids and Zombie by Day6. There are lots more of course, but those are the top ones! -✨

As for books, I actually only just got a little spark for reading back, too, I really didn't read a lot this year unfortunately. My top 3 books I read were The Night Circus by Erin Morgenstern, Steppenwolf by Hermann Hesse (compulsory school lecture) and The Child's First Life by Jun Cai, which I actually haven't even finished but oh well. I aspire to read a lot more (and MDZS) next year, though! -✨

Now that the year is almost over, I'd like to ask you to list the good things that happened! It's been quite the tough year but still (or maybe especially because of that) it makes me very happy to find out more about the good things that happened to others! -✨

There’s just something so cosy about listening to music playing on a record player, isn’t there? 🥰 My Mum’s always been a huge music lover, so she has a rather large collection of vinyl’s she brought when she was younger. She likes to listen to some of the vinyl’s I have too, especially since it means she’s found a few new singers she likes like Florence Welch and Lana Del Rey. My Dad mostly likes listening to movie soundtracks he has through them, which is always super nice! 💕

Reading this year has just felt so difficult to do, hasn’t it? 😫 Here’s hoping 2021 will be better for kicking us out of our reading slumps! I have the Night Circus in my too read pile as well, so I must get to that at some point! I also have the authors newer book too, The Starless Sea. I’m a little anxious to start it though since I’m not sure if I’ll like it or not since reviews for it seemed a little mixed, but I’ll never know if I don’t try it 😊

Oh gosh, that’s a really good question CC! Lemme see ...

After a tough 2019, sticking to my 2020 promise to myself and trying to focus more on my own happiness rather than constantly pleasing others helped a lot with my mental health. It wasn’t easy, but it was necessary to do and even though this year has been tough and isolating in general for everyone I’ve felt a lot better in myself knowing I’m not going to let certain things bother me anymore.

In a weird way, I feel like I’ve connected more with some of my friends this year despite seeing so little of them? Whether that’s down to reaching out and communicating through other ways or not, it’s been really nice! 😊 I kinda feel that things like all the lockdowns have also had this weird way of strengthening some connections just through how creative we’ve all had to get with keeping in touch with our friends and loved ones, and although I miss the friends and family I can’t see like I usually do, at least we’ve kept in contact!

This one’s going to sound a bit mushy - but finding a real comfort in a fandom circle again. I’ve been on tumblr for a little over ten years now, and I’ve never really felt like I’ve been a part of a fandom, despite having been involved in a number of other fandoms. The Untamed / MDZS fandom has honestly and truly been the loveliest, most inviting fandom, and I absolutely love how connected it feels. Being a part of it has given me the confidence to take part in fandom events and wanting to return to making graphics properly for the first time in years, and I now find it really relaxing to return to. The community built here is honestly so lovely, and I’m so glad I get to be a part of it 💖

Finding the Untamed, and it reigniting so many of my old loves. A love of creating content, a pull out of a long writing slump, a return to loving dramas after so long. It’s a story I know I’m going to be thankful for for a long time, because it’s just brought me so much happiness in a year that’s just been difficult for everyone. It’s given me the drive once again to explore and learn more about Chinese traditions and cultures, so much so that it sparked me buying other novels that I’m eager to enjoy.

Some of the video games I’ve played have honestly been little pockets of happiness throughout the year. I got to fall in love with Final Fantasy VII all over again through remake, which is honestly such a dream in and of itself as I never thought we’d see such a stunning game get to shine with a remake. Animal Crossing has been a godsend, and I’m so thankful for it being there as both a relaxing escape and a way to keep in contact and connect with others. I have friends at work that play it now, and it’s brought us so much closer! Games like Ghost of Tsushima and Jedi: Fallen Order reminded me why I love single player games as much as I do, and despite the disappointments of some titles I was looking forward to, I’m really happy I got to find new (and old!) favourites through what I got to play this year.

Seeing a childhood favourite character return into the Star Wars universe. Again, it sounds sappy, but it can mean a lot to see a character you’ve grown up with and loved so much finally come back in a way that revives that little child in you for a few moments 🥺

And finally, all the lovely new friends I’ve had the pleasure to make this year. The lovely people I’ve been able to speak to through this little fandom, the older friends from before Tumblr days that I’ve been able to speak with more due to our timezones finally matching somewhat in these crazy times.

Thank you, CC, for being such a bright spark throughout my December ☀️ It has honestly been such a joy speaking and getting to know you throughout this month. You’ve asked such incredibly interesting questions, really made me think about things in MDZS in a way I haven’t before and might not have done so otherwise, and you’ve made me laugh and smile along the way. If you’d like to keep in contact after reveal still, I’d be more than happy to! 💖 I wish you a very happy New Year, and I hope 2021 treats you and your loved ones well!

#replies #anonymous #classified cultivator ✨#mdzsnetcc

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nympsycho-ao3 · 3 years

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Hi so sorry if this is a weird question. I start college next week and I'm really nervous and overwhelmed. I graduated high school almost 5 years ago so I'm really late getting to it, I don't remember a whole lot about school life. Do you have any advice?

Not sure why youre asking a random smut writer on the internet but i would love to help if i can!

I was a huge lazy sack of shit in college ahhaha. My college years were spent either drunk or high for the vast majority of it. So my first piece of advice is to dont do that lmao. I missed out on a lot of fun, socializing, and networking because i was inebriated alone in my room. Id imagine with covid its even harder to meet new people so take every opportunity you can.

Find at least 1 person in every class that can cover for you if you miss notes or have questions about material. Youll generally make a friend too which is a nice bonus but really that safety net is nice. Dont abuse it either, like dont skip class for days then just ask for notes lmao.

On that note go to class strategically. I was able to skip a few classes every semester in their entirety bc they were easy and i got away with it but if they take attendance make sure you go. Again with covid im not sure with this stuff but actually give a fuck about the stuff youre learning. I wish i did instead of just memorizing and forgetting. I wont tell you to go to every class every time bc fuck that, but prioritize the classes you simply cant skip.

Treat studying like a job. It is so much easier to study like an hour a day than cram studying in 10 hours overnight for an exam. Im a huge hypocrite with this so do as i say not as i do lmao.

Going into it late in the game is actually kind of a good thing because you might not be tempted into the dumb bullshit like drugs and booze like i was. Just keep it to the weekend like i shouldve hahaha

If youre on a campus, go out and enjoy it. Some of my fav parts of college were just going out and enjoying the campus and what it offered. Maybe better advice for spring but... nonetheless.

I shouldve put more effort into making friends. I really came out 4 years of college with no friends to speak of because i made the conscious decision to keep to myself because i am naturally a loner and comfortable alone. Still, i think i would have overall had more fun if i got to know the really cool people in my program.

In general, take the opportunity to leave your comfort zone. It's college, no one is expecting you to be perfect. Just have some fun while you can take advantage of the safety net of college and the bad decisions youre allowed to make. As long as you keep your grades up (or passable, which i recommend making your perrogative instead of perfection) go out, get laid, try new things, meet new people, learn new things, and enjoy expanding your worldview with little consequence.

Remember that everyone lives in their little bubble. I was so afraid of embarrassing myself that i avoided doing a lot of fun things. Not a single person gives a fuck about you in a way that theyre judging you like you think they are. So just do you, be the cool older person in the class that can buy the youngins booze (do this at your own risk but it was fun for me lmao) and tell stories like a grandparent. Also, on that note, dont be surprised at how fucking stupid these kids are. You might be the oldest and wisest in the class. Just enjoy the stupidity at your beckoning call and take it in, sometimes it's better than TV. dont hold it against them though, we were all stupid 18 yos once.

Dont ask a ton of questions in class. I mean a few is fine but not a lot. It just makes class run longer. Anyone who cares is doing the following: either asking them after class, going to office hours, or emailing the professor. Do that.

Speaking of office hours. Youll probably need some reference letters when you graduate to apply for jobs. Pick like 1 cool professor a year and really buddy up to them so you can use them as a reference. Yay, using people! And hey you might get some cool stuff out of it. Talking with my professors was always pretty neat and enlightening. They will know what youre doing but they know the game too and theyre just happy youre putting effort into earning the reference. Just dont get boners for the hot ones like i did oop--

And uuhh flash cards. All my homies love flash cards. I still have all my digital ones from my classes for no reason but... they came in clutch!

I didnt work through college bc im a privileged little brat but, i think i would have had my shit together more if i did. So depending on your major find something relevant and maybe find a flexible part time gig (easier said than done im aware)

I graduated with a 3.8 gpa and a damaged liver and lungs but hey i survived! Hope this helped. Again im not the best person to ask bc i really hated my major and most of my classes but i saw them as necessary stepping stones to my current job. Oh well!

Good luck anon. I know you will do very well even in these covid times. Just take your shit seriously! Unlike me...

Dont go to fucking parties unless youre an asshole and/or vaccinated or until this covid shit blows over please!!!

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literalbuzzkill · 3 years

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Below I'm gonna vent so y'all can ignore that XD

I'm basically making this post as a timestamp/reminder for myself about Covid2020 and what I had to deal with during it (even though it's still a relentlessly ongoing problem, as of Jan2021, yikes)

Below is my personal experience in switching from working everyday as an essential retail worker to now a stay at home unemployed/leave of absense person. Don't feel bad about not reading it, it's long, boring, and I can't really expect anyone to actually be interested because the struggle is real and who wants to be reminded of the grim reality we can't currently escape? XD

[The Start:]

I was still working retail up until a few months ago because most people left. And being short staffed already before covid at my store, things became an even worse unmanageable nightmare because they started to work the remaining staff to death because no one really knew what to do which sucked and everyone was rightfully afraid of what was happening all around them, plus everyone internally was hoping that this would all blow over in a decent amount of time and we could all return to normal and never speak of it again. Considering Covid started around late January/early February in 2019 and today's date (for my future reference) is Jan 4th 2021, I'm going to go out on a limb and say that it certainly has not blown over in a decent amount of time like originally hoped for. Oof.

I was a closer but because of covid my job turned into 'every position at the store and everything/anything that you can possibly get done'. All the stuff from morning team, mid shift, and nightshift rolled into one. Cashiering, phone calls, cleaning, ship from store, backroom, covering multiple breaks, and every department on hardlines salesfloor,

(I did everything except for guest services, food service, clothing, and hr)

you name it XD because most people abandoned ship and Yeeted (which I dont blame them for, t'was a big mood) our store did not hire replacements until literally a few months ago. After I left. Nice.

We were not getting paid any extra, having to stay late, running around with an unending unfinishable list, having to deal with rude customers and cranky bosses, full 8+hour shifts having to wear a mask (even in the break room, and sometimes missing breaks all together because of the large work load) Another problem, my job did not supply masks, proper cleaning supplies, gloves etc to us until an unacceptable amount of time had passed since the start of the virus. Now I didn't expect them to be stocked and fully prepared immediately, obviously.

It was also pretty frustrating getting reprimanded by customers when supplies were low everywhere and some things necessary for existing safely could not be bought anywhere due to high demand, which was only natural, but some people actually acted like it was our personal fault for the store for being sold out of things like hand sanitizer, masks, gloves, toilet paper, and even accused us for holding it in the back for ourselves (which wasnt the case, customers are top priority at our store so the workers usually got nothing to take home or buy, even if we had pulled it from the truck or stocked it ourselves.)

Aside from the excessive draining from normal retail where we already suffer from Karen's and the often unpleasant general public, the Rona made the daily grind even more intense, as if we already thought it couldn't get any worse.

Straying away from that for a second, personal lives were now also affected greatly. Added on top of this new fear/caution/lifestyle was not being able to see my fiance or his family for months because they are all at very high risk. (Unfortunately I am too, but I really needed the paycheck so I thought I had to keep working until the inevitable, which was not looked forward to, but as long as I was potentially exposed with my job we all had to be apart unless I decided to quit and risk not having enough money to pay my bills or survive.)

(Side note for context: My fiance and I have been very lucky enough to see eachother almost every day for 4 years. Surprisingly we have not gotten sick of eachother yet and kept up with that regularity. And though we are engaged, we dont live together, but we do only live 15 minutes away so we just drive over to eachother everyday. Anyway, point being that going months without seeing him at all killed me internally hardcore. This was before zoom was popular and we were not about to resort to Skype. His parents are older and closer to me than my own family and were not comfortable with any form of in-person visits so we usually just did phone calls.)

And eventually I gave up,

I made it halfway through this pandemic working everyday, not seeing the only people I considered family, and I couldn't do it anymore. It literally didn't feel human.

Not to mention this did not help whatsoever with my pre-existing problems, bad depression, anxiety, ptsd, Self h, etc... it was all just getting way too out of hand with more stress piling up daily and taking too big a toll on me to the point where I couldn't deal with my regular lifestyle anymore. I needed a break and a change to severely turn myself around.

So a few months ago I finally went on leave of absence and it was the hardest thing for me to do but honestly the best thing I did. Because everything was so uncertain and I worried about how helpful unemployment would be towards my bills, if I'd lose my job for being gone too long due to an open ended leave of absense for the sake of my health/safety, and honestly I loved my job and my coworkers, but many of them had already left so at that point it became easier for me to leave.

I'm currently making more on unemployment than my job was paying my bi-weekly and doing leagues better mentally, emotionally, and physically, than before when I thought I could last the whole time working through covid hoping I wouldn't catch it and probably die because my health is not 100% gucci in the first place. I was too stubborn to quit until I got to a breaking point and then realised that putting my health/life on the line when I'm at risk during a pandemic for literally no reason other than feeling bad for my one really kind boss (who ended up leaving for a better job anyway right after I left)

in my brain the whole time I figured "eh if I die then I die" but there was a major upside to saying "you know what, fuck this" and leaving.

I've gotten to take up hobbies and do things that I've wanted to do for like 10 years, I improved my financial situation, bought my dream car(A 2004Crossfire), got engaged to the love of my life, had more time to read, write, learn, create, help my fiance record his first official music video, support smaller businesses, get back in better physical health, regain stability, and a new respect for life, health, friends, family, acts of kindness, and how easy things used to be before covid and how it was unintentionally taken for granted.

Not gonna lie, at first I was pretty mad that people on unemployment made more than essential workers, but I also knew that it wasn't their fault for their personal situations or reasonings for needing it. The problem was mainly that many Companies/jobs could have done more, treated essential workers better, given more help, compensated financially, offered forms of protectionagaint the virus, or done literally anything extra at all to help employees who were struggling or who stay to continue working there during a terrible pandemic, and some companies/jobs have done good things for their workers in response of the outbreak which is awesome.

Workers should absolutely be compensated for their extra efforts, time, and pleasant attitude in this difficult time, and treated better than they are. Some things should 1000% be different but some things in this world are still a work in progress.

And also, for people with health issues that are at risk but working anyway for whatever reason, there shouldn't be any shame felt for taking care of yourself or by the people who have to go on unemployment, those who can't work, lost their jobs, need help or a break, or just can't do it anymore, because it hits hard when you realise that even though your effort is important and you're doing your best, playing an important role in society, you could also be risking your health/life or even possibly someone you live withs, for a company that will replace you pretty easily if you're suddenly gone.

I worked at my store for 4 years, was extremely hard working and did everything and anything I could to stay as long as I could during this, but I realised that I'd rather not risk myself and be treated how I was.

Ultimately, the sad reality is that covid has some people forgetting that humans (whether working or not) are humans too that can die or fail at any time given the current circumstances. Some situations are unavoidable like a pandemic, but we can do our best with whatever reality we meet, whether it's being essential the whole way through like some are able, and knowing your health well enough to be able to judge what's best for you individually for now.

but regardless making sure you're not taking yourself for granted in the process.

I'm lucky enough to not have gotten covid yet, and I hope it stays that way.

If your job isnt doing what it can for you in this time, dont be too stubborn about staying

Its not worth risking yourself for your job honestly, and I really hope peoples jobs do as much as they can for those they employ.

If you aren't working, do something with your time that you'll remember (safe things obviously) and if you are still working keep up the awesome progress, stay safe, and be blessed. ❤

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surveys-at-your-service · 4 years

Text

Survey #274

“now i can hear the marching feet / they’re moving into the street”

What color was the last swimsuit you wore? I only have a black one. Is your dream job attainable? I mean define “dream job.” I’d ideally be a meerkat biologist if I was willing to live in Africa and could handle even mild heat, but I can’t/won’t do either of those, so it’s not obtainable to me. I’d also love to be a paleontologist if I could travel and handle heat once more, but again, I can’t. My only *attainable* dream job is being a photographer, which I am aiming for. I’d LIKE to focus on nature/wildlife photography, but that’s unlikely to be able to support me, so. Do you have to go to school or work tomorrow? N/A Have you slept for longer than usual today? Yes, but only because of my nightmares. I tend to take at least two (though sometimes one) hour-long naps during the day because if I wake up once during the night, as I usually do, I’m fucked because I’m very likely to have an intense nightmare. It seems like the medicine I’m on wears off with consciousness, I guess. I only allow myself to sleep an hour at daytime because my mother has noticed if I have a nightmare, it’s usually no earlier than one hour into sleep. Even then I still have them occasionally. Have you ever taken classes for a musical instrument? Recorder in elementary school was necessary for whatever stupid reason, and then I played the flute for years. Out of school, I took guitar lessons for a while. I got semi-decent (at best I could do the intro to “Crazy Train” at normal speed, I think), but it didn’t last because it was annoying/time-consuming to build up the calluses that make playing painless, I was really bad at overthinking where my fingers were, and I just wasn’t invested quite enough. I’ll tell you, it gave me mad respect for guitarists, that shit isn’t easy by any means. Have you ever been on vacation with someone other than your family? Yes, though it was brief. I was a kid (okay, pre-teen, w/e) still in my separation anxiety from Mom phase and it was literally because of me we had to go home. I still feel shitty about it, though no one seemed upset at me. How old do you think you’ll be when you move out on your own? Who the fuck even knows anymore. Do you have a job? If so, where do you work? If not, do you want one? No; N/A; yes ultimately but no at the current moment because I have to keep watch over Mom. If you wear make-up, which brand of foundation/powder do you use? N/A Would you call yourself a “people” person? Nope. What is one change you need to make in your life this month? Just one??? What’s been tugging on your heart lately? My PTSD plus self-image has been very, very bad. What is the last thing you did that made you feel guilty? Mom had to clean up my cat’s projectile vomit even though she’s supposed to stay away from this kinda stuff through chemo. I literally cannot fucking touch vomit, never mind what came out of him that night. I felt like absolute fucking shit and I still do because WOW I’m a great adult right!! Do you have any physical traits that are bothering you lately? Like, everything. What kind of dog is your favorite? I’m biased to beagles. What was the last thing you received in the mail? A book. What is the last thing you wrote? Like, physically? My signature at the doctor’s office. Do you still care about the person you first kissed? Way fucking more than I should. Do you require a lot of private time? Definitely more than most people. Do you have any songs currently stuck in your head? I haven’t listened to it in forever for ~reasons~, yet “The Mortician’s Daughter” is stuck in my head badly and really needs to fuck off. What was the last song you downloaded? I dunno, I went on a download binge a while back. Have you ever read a really funny book? I remember at least one. “Bite Me” by IDR-Who. Some vampire satire. Have you ever done something humiliating while drunk? Never reached the point of being drunk. How would you react if your celebrity crush came to your door? fuckin YIKES I am NOT attractive rn go away Has your mom/dad ever walked in on you kissing or anything more with someone? HAHA my mom has always had the decency to knock, not so much his mom a;lwkejrewoei but the answer’s still no. What electronics are in your room? (DVD player, CD player, etc) This laptop, my phone, a Nintendo DS, my iPod… Do you have a box anywhere with special items you'll to keep forever in it? Yes, actually. Grew up calling them “treasure boxes.” Do you have any pictures of yourself on your bedroom walls? Lol no, I’d definitely prefer to not see myself as much as I can. That sounds melodramatic, but I’m being serious. It either depresses me or makes me angry. Does your dad collect anything? The Cleveland Browns’ football team stuff, for one. Maybe Carolina Hurricane stuff, too? Idk. I don’t live with him and don’t go in his “man cave” at his house often ha ha. What's better, a desktop or laptop? Explain. A laptop. Portable; that’s all the explanation ya really need. Do your parents still hide chocolate eggs around on Easter for you? Nah. What do you typically do on Easter Day? We go to my sister’s house to watch the kids do their egg hunting and open their gifts, then we usually go to Ashley’s in-laws’ for dinner. Is there anyone you literally need to exist? Apparently not. Thought so. Never let yourself into that state of mind. What would you prefer to get from a guy/girl: flowers, a hand-written poem, a picture he drew of you or a nice night out? Oh, a hand-written poem would wreck me, yeesh. Or a drawing. But any would be very sweet. Do you remember why you made the last mistake you did? I don’t know the most recent mistake, but probably because I’m just in general a terrified person who second-guesses or overanalyzes everything. Did you check how many calories the last thing you ate had? Yes. I’m back on my calorie-counting obsession again. Are your nails long or short? Short, always. I can’t keep them long. What is your favorite kind of cookie? Just the ordinary chocolate chip is fine. What was the last compliment you received? I don’t know. Who will be the next person you kiss? I normally delete this question because the answer should be so obvious, but I feel like just pointing it out that no one fucking knows who they’re gonna kiss next. It’s a dangerous mindset. Don’t make assumptions about what you’ll have even tomorrow. Have you ever made your own icon? Yeah, on many sites. They’re just about always just edits, though, not truly original work. What color is your computer mouse? It’s black. Have you ever been sung to on your birthday in a restaurant? Yes. Do you like black olives? I don’t like olives period. Do you actually think there will be a zombie apocolypse? Personally, no. I do think it’s scientifically possible, we already see this in insects, but I just don’t imagine it happening to humans before we’re our own downfall. Do you like the person you’ve become over the past years? Fuck no. Have you ever gone to church just to get a significant other? … No…? Have you ever punched a wall out of complete anger? No, that shit is terrifying. Are you really ticklish? YES don’t fucking touch me. How do you decide what you're going to eat each day? I just follow what I’m craving that day. How are you similar to your siblings? Different? Compared to Ashley and Nicole at least, I can’t think of any real similarities off the top of my head. They’re intelligent, motivated, outgoing, successful, yada yada, then there’s me. What's your favorite type of non-fiction literature? Autobiographies by people I’m actually interested in. Do you believe in souls? Soulmates? Souls, absolutely. Soulmates, no. It’s fairytale ideation to think your soul has a perfect match with another, hate to break it to ya. Favorite soundtrack? BITCH don’t make me choose between Shadow of the Colossus and Silent Hill 2. Fucking masterpieces. Pianos or guitars? *shrugs* Depends on the music and my mood. Did an animal ever bite you? Never seriously. How many languages do you speak? Only English fluently. I’m poor at German by now. Wiggly worms or bumble bees? Worms gross me out, bees are Good Boys. Religion? I don’t really identify with any. I just believe there’s some form of ultimate intelligence and essences beyond just the body, and that’s all I even pretend to know. Fog, thunder, or rain? Fog gives me that Silent Hill Vibe *Italian kiss* What regret keeps coming back to haunt you daily? The way I treated Jason after the breakup. If you could cure yourself of one allergy, what would it be? Damn pollen. Do you know anyone else with your name? Yeah. What would you be most afraid of happening if you were to visit Africa? Viruses or botflies. Where are you tempted to move to sometimes? I very legitimately want to live in Canada by now, but I won’t because I’m not moving that far from family. Who seems like they have the perfect life? I try not to make that assumption of anyone. Do you ever take pictures of negative moments? Does taking pictures of roadkill count???? lmao probably Do you think it would be a good idea to post photos of negative moments as well as positive? Well… I guess it depends. Like ngl, the pictures some people share of them having panic attacks to just show how fucking real they are definitely touch you, as do those depicting poverty, etc., BUT I really do think there are limits and also differences in motivations. What time zone are you in? EST. Would you ever post a picture of yourself crying on social media? Wow, speaking of. No. ^Why or why not? I am an UGLY cry-er, my man. But I also just don’t want people to see that, and it’s definitely not on my mind to take a picture during a breakdown. What was the last thing you cried about? My life. Have you ever held a newborn baby? Yes. Do you know anyone who has twins? Yes. Where do you buy calendars from? I don’t. Do you shop at the dollar store often? Not *often*, but we’ll stop by for a snack or something sometimes. Are you following in the career path of any family members? No. Do you feel you missed out on a lot as a kid? I guess in some ways. Who was that best friend you ever had? Sara. What color is your laptop? Black. What are five careers you think you’d be good at? My work history has shown I can’t do shit right. Are you thriving in your life right now? lmao no one is in 2020. Who do you have moral support from? My family, doctor, and a few friends. Who encourages you to go after your dreams? The same as above. Do you have people in your family who want you dead? Wow, I hope not. Do you have a walk-in closet? No, but my room at the new house will. :’) Not that I need one, it’s just pretty cool. How do you feel about people like Elon Musk, Bill Gates, and Jeff Bezos having so much power and control in the world? Do you believe that any one person should have so much power? Let’s be real, in our current world, money is power, and no one should have that much control of the world, especially if your intentions are bad. NOW I don’t know jack shit about any of those are far as morals go, but just saying. It’s dangerous. Has your anxiety alone ever prevented you from doing something you wanted to do? This is ACTUALLY the story of my fucking life. Do you enjoy reading stories and novels that are heavily stylistic, poetic, or unconventional or do you prefer your prose to follow a familiar grammatical structure? Okay, I LOVE those, like Johnny Got His Gun and The Handmaid’s Tale that’s kinda like, run-on writing. Just letting a train of thought go. Those are two of the most powerful books I’ve ever read and they’re both written in a unique fashion. Have you ever fallen for any sort of Internet-based hoax? (e.g., fake celeb death, satire news article…) I’m sure at some point, especially as a kid. Do you tend to read reviews before you watch a movie or read a book? What do you hope to get out of doing so? NO. I don’t wanna have any precognition. When you go to a concert, how far must you travel for the most usual venues you visit? Most are on the other end of the state, and NC is long, so. We’re lucky if they come to Raleigh. Do you rent movies frequently? I never do, really. What is your favorite thing to do outside? Take pictures or swim. What’s your favorite meal to cook? I don’t cook. What movie has been taken WAY too far, as far as sequels go? Oh, I’m sure there are some, but none immediately come to mind. I’m not that into movies. Do you refuse to eat certain foods because of what they look like? Yes. I am VERY poor at getting past how a food looks. What are you listening to? NSP’s cover of “Don’t Fear The Reaper.” It’s fuckin gorgeous. How much homework do you have tonight? N/A Are you wearing any bracelets? Yes; one that Sara got me as well as an ovarian cancer awareness one. What's physically wrong with you right now? JINKIES I just feel really lethargic like always. Do you take any medications daily? Ha ha thanks for actually reminding me I need to now. When was the last time you moved to a new house? Two years ago, and now we’ll be moving to a much better place by the end of this month/early September, finally. When it comes to relationships, are you the jealous type? Nah. Which gift cards do you have in your wallet? Idk actually. It’s not like I use it a lot. Can you remember the last time you felt ill? What was wrong with you? A few nights ago. I was extremely hot, dizzy, and pretty nauseated. I was fine, though. If you wear make-up, do you take it with you, to reapply throughout the day? Does your make-up stay for a long time after you first apply it, or do you find that you need to reapply often? Are you wearing any make-up atm? I pretty much never wear makeup so have never really had a reason to reapply it. I’m definitely not wearing any now. Does your kitchen have a theme? No. Do you like ice cream sandwiches? GIRL yes. Do you prefer earbuds or headphones? Earbuds. They’re more comfortable imo but more importantly block out exterior noise very well. Are you a fan of any independent films? ngl, I don’t know exactly what that is and I don’t feel like looking it up. Could you possibly write a successful novel? I very genuinely think some of the RP stories I’ve taken part in are novel-worthy, yes. I wanted to make them books when I was younger, but now I no longer do mainly because there are areas that are just way too fucking dark that I don’t wanna put out there but play massive parts in the stories, so like… Do you regularly watch the news? I never do. Facebook is my “news” source lmao. Who was the last person you video-chatted with? I don’t remember for sure, maybe some doctor? What do you want the theme of your wedding to be? I don’t really think about this, seeing as my mind has changed enough, and it also depends on what my partner wants, too. Have you ever been caught passing a note in class? Noooo, I absolutely hated passing notes because I was genuinely a good student. I only did so very, very rarely if another friend started it. Have you ever had dandruff? I have dandruff AND a dry scalp. It’s a wonderful mix. Have you ever gone through a phase of crushing on EVERYONE? Definitely not. Do you have any clothes with spikes/studs on them? I have a spiked choker, and I might still have gloves with studs? Can you remember what you last clapped for? My mom’s birthday! :’) Have you ever given a pet to someone else? Yes, with cats; we had to do that quite often when I was a kid because we had so many cats, none which we could afford to fix. Then we’ve done it with two dogs we just couldn’t handle. Oh yeah, I gave my iguana away too because he was too high maintenance for me, but also because he DESPERATELY needed a much bigger terrarium, which we couldn’t afford. I absolutely could not watch him in that tiny tank. I miss him a LOT, but he went to a wonderful home! The lady who adopted him sent me pictures upon pictures months after taking him in. Do you know anyone named Walter? No. What's your least favorite ice-cream flavor? Strawberry is fucking disgusting. And that’s coming from someone whose favorite fruit is strawberries. What's your least favorite song by your favorite artist? I’m not sure. There’s a handful that just don’t grab my attention that I don’t even remember them. What was the last good news you heard? I can FINALLY talk to my psychiatrist tomorrow. Who’s your favorite singer of all time? Probably Freddie Mercury. What airline do you fly most? Idk, I don’t really pay attention. I haven’t flown very often though anyway. Do you have a dog that is destructive? I don’t have a dog. What’s one TV series you’ve seen every episode of? Meerkat Manor is the most obvious, ha ha. Maaaaany times. Assuming you have Facebook, who last left you a wallpost? Probably my friend Sammi. Assuming you have hair, how are you wearing it today? It’s too short for me to “wear” it any particular way. It’s just… there lmao. Assuming you're not homeless, what kind of living arrangements do you have? I live with my mom in a house she’s renting. Have you or have you ever considered messing around with the same sex? I’m bisexual so you can guess I’m not opposed to it. Are you particular about any brands of food you will or will not eat? Are there any restaurants you refuse to go to? Brands, no. I don’t eat Chick-fil-a because they’re run by fucking homophobic bigots that monetarily support conversion therapy and other anti-LGBT projects. I’m not giving you any fucking money. What was the most current dream you can remember about? Do you generally dream every night, or hardly at all? It was actually last night, when I dreamed about accidentally running into Jason where I last knew he worked, and he was really hostile. If I don’t take my medicine, I always have nightmares when I sleep.

#survey #quiz #questions #questionnaire

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edorazzi · 6 years

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After the saga of the month-long Miraculous Christmas calendar review, it feels right to come back for round two with an Easter-themed treat!

(The alternative title is I Really Wanted The ML Easter Egg And Figured I Could Justify Buying It For Review Purposes, but thats a bit of a mouthful.)

I bought this from Amazon UK for £14.90 - you can find the listing for yourself here, but it’s currently out of stock! I guess I picked it up at the right time.

On opening the box, I’m already seeing shards of chocolate. I suppose that means the egg is a goner. I think I’m gonna have to complain about that - trying to ship a fragile chocolate egg is tricky enough (I was prepared for some damage, what can ya do), but it was crammed into a very small box with no extra padding to at least attempt preserving it.

I don’t mind too much, but for almost £15 I think I deserve something that actually looks like an egg, and I’m already suspecting this one won’t. Call me picky.

Here it is! Looking pretty battered and worse for wear after unpadded shipping, but still alarmingly cute. I’m excited to get into this.

Ladybug and Chat Noir share the spotlight (pun fully intended)! Ladybug’s still front and centre, but this is a much better balance than the Christmas calendar. Interestingly she boasts her CGI model while Chat Noir retains his 2D promotional art - the different images look a bit disjointed up close (not least because Chat Noir’s art is much higher quality), but at a passing glance it’s not too weird. I definitely get the impression of them being a close duo, at any rate, which is my favourite marketing angle.

Here’s the full display card, if that’s something anyone was interested in (naught to three sad onions). It’s clear this is European packaging, selling the egg in French, Spanish, English and... Portuguese? Huh. The ingredients/warnings are only in French and Spanish - good thing I took both languages at school or I’d have no clue what I was getting into here, this egg could be anything.

One thing it certainly is is gluten-free, and that’s really cool! I’m sensitive to wheat, which tends to get into all kinds of unexpected foods, so at least I can trust this egg to treat me gently. Thanks, Ladybug (and Chat Noir)! I’ll live another day!

Without the display card, our Easter goodie bag starts looking like more of an ominous sack. It looked a lot better on the website, but if you’re getting something shipped from Spain in an UNPADDED BOX I guess this is about what you should expect.

It’s taped up at the neck, and from trying to pry off the Amazon product label I noticed the foil print is liable to come off with the stickiness, so I spent an inordinate amount of time snipping the tape away to avoid more damage. I can already tell it’s cute paper, but let’s wait till we can spread it out.

And oh boy, does it spread out! Time to zoom the camera away. There’s a huge swathe of decorative foil included in this egg and I love it.

It’s really difficult to get a good picture with the lighting, but there are at least ten different pictures in use here - seven that I can count for Ladybug and three for Chat Noir - and all flipped around to make a total of 20 “unique” images. There’s so much to look at, and while Ladybug may have more variation the clear prominence of Chat Noir is really satisfying! This packaging is definitely selling them as a duo and I love it.

This is my favourite image. I’m not actually sure where this Chat Noir is from; it’s not one of the standard marketing images the designers recycle over and over - I’m actually not totally convinced I’ve even seen it before. New or old, that’s a really cute little smirk. I want to pinch his cheeks.

I’m definitely keeping this foil. I don’t know what I’ll do with it, but I’m keeping it. It’s lovely.

Now it’s time for what we came here for - chocolate! And... uh, well, that sure looks like it could have been an egg once. Hoo boy, someone at Amazon is getting a stiffly worded email.

Fortunately it looks like the egg wasn’t anything special, just the standard crazy-pavement design. I wasn’t expecting (eggspecting?) it to have a Miraculous design, and considering it got absolutely slaughtered on the way over that’s probably a good thing.

Unless it’s supposed to be a Carapace design. Oh my god, they finally bring out some Nino merch and it just gets destroyed. That’s cruel.

The chocolate itself actually tastes better than I was expecting! It’s got that standard “generic inexpensive cocoa” flavour, but instead of that slightly bitter/plastic taste I feared it’s a lot gentler and milkier. I could eat this and enjoy it. Nicely done, lads.

Something else lurks in the cup. This must be the “Surprise/Sorpresa/Surpresa” the front of the packaging warned us about.

What a haul! Don’t eat these, kids.

I’ll admit from the product listing I assumed this set came with a Ladybug and Chat Noir bracelet, but the rubber ball is different to the advertised design too, so I suppose what it means is you get a random selection. Either that or the reason my egg is shattered is because Astruc broke into the packaging and stole the Chat Noir bracelet to knock my level of satisfaction down a peg.

I wonder if these were inside the egg or just in the bottom of the cup? I guess we’ll never know. We don’t have the “no inedibles packaged with edible foods” law here (which prevents Kinder Eggs and similar gimmicks in the US) so it could have been either. Breaking open the egg to find these little things inside would have been cool!

The bracelet is teensy, but it does actually fit me, little baby wrists that I have.

Now I held off on yelling about this as soon as I saw it so I could get the bracelet out of the way, but-- aaaaa. AAAAA. AAAAA.

This is actual Chat Noir merch. Not Ladybug and Chat Noir, just Chat Noir. This disproves Astruc breaking into my Easter egg because there’s no way he would have overlooked something like this. From the product listing I could see they have other designs for these - Ladybug and both heroes together - so I’m counting myself exceptionally lucky to have landed the solo Chat Noir one.

It’s a rubber ball, if it’s unclear. But does it bounce?

IT SURE DOES. What a fantastic addition to my Shelf of Interesting Adriens.

So that’s that!

Was it cute? Yes! Was it worth the price tag? Absolutely not! Am I satisfied? Moderately!

It’s a nice product (when it doesn’t arrive in smithereens) where the main draw is obviously the show itself, and I’m far more satisfied with this than the Christmas calendar in terms of design, marketing angle and the quality of the little toys included. I adore that Chat Noir bouncy ball!

The price tag was absolutely not worth it - especially when it only comes with one bracelet, rather than two as I initially thought - but I’ll give it the benefit of the doubt in assuming Amazon’s marked it up a good bit, and hopefully I’ll get at least a partial refund for it arriving in the state it did which will balance things out. I’d expect to see this on a supermarket shelf for about £6.99 tops; at the cheaper end of branded Easter goods.

Overall, I had fun with this! I wouldn’t recommend it at the current price, but if it makes the rounds again more cheaply it’s a nice little thing to pick up if you’re into collecting Miraculous stuff. The chocolate tastes better than expected, the toys are cute (and especially cool if you get your hands on a Chat Noir one), and you’ll get a gigantic swathe of decorative foil to use however you please. I’m thinking I might line my shelf of Miraculous merch with it.

(LATER EDIT: Amazon responded and refunded me the entire cost, no returns necessary, which is absolutely wonderful! It might be an obliterated egg, but it’s a free obliterated egg, with the cute packaging and toys to boot. How lovely!)

Happy Easter! °˖✧◝(⁰▿⁰)◜✧˖°

#josie talks about things #miraculous ladybug #ml easter egg #the true meaning of easter is MIRACULOUS CHOCOLATE and we all KNOW this #it's looking like adding a Read More to posts is messing with the apostrophe/speech marks coding #so i DESPERATELY HOPE it looks okay under the cut #i'm terribly sorry if it doesn't

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todisturbtheuniverse · 5 years

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so i inexplicably dove into reading New Canon sometime at the end of last year. it was Leia that really kicked it off. i’d been reading various books as they appealed to me--The Force Awakens and Rogue One novelizations about when they came out, A New Dawn right after Rebels wrapped up, Dark Disciple because Thom was like, “you’re going to like this for x, y, and z reasons and be mad at it for a very big reason.” (and boy was he correct.) after reading Leia i decided, okay, fine, clearly we’re rebooting that time when i was 13 years old and scouring the Barnes and Noble for all the EU books i could find, let’s fucking do this proper.

and damn. it was worth it to get to Thrawn. more blathering, not at all cohesive, and containing spoilers and references to various New Canon books ahead...

my huge hesitance about doing New Canon proper was the, uh. glut of Empire-POV books that i saw on our shelf. (we’ve been buying them for a good six-eight months now to make sure they were all available to us whenever we wanted to dive in.) there was something unnerving about that. i got hit with Lords of the Sith and Tarkin pretty much at the outset of my little jaunt, which was rough at times.

i’m of two minds about these books. i mean, 1) i am definitely interested in anything that gives us more of a look about Vader’s headspace post-lava incident, however narrow. The Clone Wars sold me on Anakin Skywalker in a way no movie has ever managed to, both in making him more interesting and likeable to me and in making his fall seem so much more plausible (don’t get me started on how i would restructure the prequels). so getting a look behind that weird faceplate--finally--is bloody and Very Bad but also interesting. he remembers Ahsoka in Lords of the Sith. he remembers Rex. he thinks on these things, as if he can’t stop himself.

but 2) there’s only so much, ah. rooting. that you can do for the Empire. obviously. i think i’m safe in assuming that’s not the point of these books (and indeed Lords of the Sith gives us a nice look at the early Free Ryloth movement to root for and a truly absurd goal for them to accomplish, so there’s that), but i find myself wondering what the point of these books are. for all that Tarkin cut such an imposing figure (and still does, definitely) my cynicism can’t let me believe that he was more than a good plot tool rather than a particularly complex character--i doubt all this stuff about Tarkin’s backstory, which comes up in the novel, was ever in Lucas’s dizziest daydreams. but i sure got treated to a lot of Weird Tarkin Backstory in Tarkin. is it necessary? is it relevant? i’m having a hard time figuring out how.

but again, the bit of fun i had with this book? it was in Tarkin’s interactions with Vader. specifically his musing on the identity of the creepy fellow in the weird armor, who certainly shares some qualities with Anakin Skywalker. The Clone Wars revealed that Anakin had actually known Tarkin, before the fun trip to the lava seaside. it stands to reason that Tarkin, who at the very least was hailed as Scary As Shit and Good At His Job at the time of the original trilogy, would put some clues together.

so that’s...interesting. maybe its own purpose was to be interesting, idk. i’m probably overthinking what is clearly an enormous cash grab by Disney, or something.

all this to say: this was the kind of Empire-POV stuff i was having a hard time thinking i could get into. because they’re just Evil doing Evil. Vader might think about Ahsoka on rare occasion but he’s not going to stop force-choking people because of it. that redemption ship doesn’t come into harbor for a fair bit.

and then. we get Thrawn.

as i mentioned way up there, there was a time after i’d first discovered Star Wars that i perused high and low for the Extra Content. i think one of the first things i came across (bearing in mind that the EU was not supremely organized or continuous or anything) was the Thrawn trilogy. being that this was nearly fifteen years ago and i haven’t reread them since, all i really remember is that Mara Jade is The Best, Thrawn was a villain like no other villain my child self had come across, and i loved them. a reread is probably in order and will maybe disappoint me, or so i always thought, until Timothy Zahn threw Thrawn and Alliances at me and said, take that, i’ve still got it.

Thrawn sort of gets into some of the same traps as Tarkin, except that they felt way less like traps because i was interested in how Thrawn comes to be part of the Empire. that was always part of what made him interesting, to me; he’s somehow a Grand Admiral, has risen through all those ranks, even though he’s not human. so even though we take these little leaps of backstory through years of Thrawn’s early existence in Imperial space, and it feels like we take a lot of time to catch up to the actual plot--it’s neat as hell, because we’re seeing the Empire through the eyes of not one, but two people who are outsiders to it. and yet, simultaneously have to exist inside it.

it’s so easy to generalize the Empire as this grayish blob of evil. many of the random crew and deck officers in Rebels don’t even have distinguishing facial features; i’ve heard Liam O’Brien’s voice come out of an awful lot of them, with the brims of their caps pulled low over their eyes, their faces cast in an odd grayish light that seems to wash the life from them.

it is evil. it is definitely, definitely evil. but there are so many people in it--people like Eli Vanto, the second individual referenced above--who are just existing in it, trying to make the best of it, because they have no real options (or power) to do anything else. some of these people Get Out and join the rebellion, or just Get Out and vanish, but not many of them have the resources to do that, and that’s the look that, to me, gives this grayish obelisk of evil some kind of complexity worth looking at.

and then Alliances. the neat past-present switch that juxtaposes Anakin/Vader, Mitth'raw'nuruodo/Thrawn. i loved that shit. it showed more new stuff about Vader, probably reminded me of all the reasons i was fascinated by Thrawn as a kid even if i can’t really remember, and best of all, delighted me with various instances of Thrawn just. flat out. trolling. Vader. and not dying. imagine! all these not-at-all-subtle hints that Thrawn knows exactly who Vader is under that mask and the entire book Vader just keeps thinking, no. even this asshole. this tactical genius. cannot possibly know my true identity. it’s impossible. The Jedi is dead.

(that was another cool thing, btw. Zahn really took how Vader thinks and elevated the shit out of it. having him always refer to his past self as The Jedi was very effective.)

all these dueling loyalties come out to get real ugly on the surface: Thrawn, having sworn to serve the Empire, still manipulating the scene in whatever way he can to benefit his people. (how is Eli doing in the Chiss Ascendancy? I CAN’T FUCKING WAIT TO FIND OUT.) Vader, recalling The Jedi’s past trouble with those dueling loyalties--to his people (the Jedi, the Republic) and to his people (Padme). having now decided that “even rescue” is, as Thrawn once said, not worth sacrificing victory.

but Vader’s loyalties are still in far more flux than he would let himself believe. because he is sure, on the one hand, that Thrawn is walking the line of treason. Thrawn throws every tool he has at this to get his way, to do things and have the outcome he wants, up to and including calling in a debt that Anakin Skywalker owes him--expecting Vader to repay it. and Vader, who has murdered people for far less, lets himself be talked into it, lets his curiosity string him along, lets the probing comments about “the last time we were here” and “we discovered this about cortosis” and all this we, we, WE that refers to The Jedi pass without incident.

all this to say: he sure wishes The Jedi was really dead. that would make his existence so much easier. and i’m probably reading into it, and all, but i think Thrawn and his weirdly opaque analytical mind sees that and is poking at it a-purpose. to what purpose, who can say? Thrawn’s always about a dozen steps ahead of everybody else, by design. he has a long game.

this is just a stream of consciousness ramble at this point about how many Thoughts i have about Star Wars, and it’s very late on a Friday night and i’m tired, so i’ll stop blathering on. TL;DR--i was wary of reading books from Imperial POVs and while not particularly gracefully done in some cases, they surprised me. there are some gems in there.

#universe reads

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fma-facts · 7 years

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Applying FMA’s Philosophy to Real Life

Here’s something a little different from what I usually post! For some reason I found myself thinking about this in the shower for almost an hour today, so I thought I’d write a post on it. (Also, keep in mind I wrote all of this spontaneously in one go.)

Now, here’s a little disclaimer: This is very subjective. There are a thousand different ways to personally interpret the philosophy of FMA, and even different ways to interpret what “the philosophy of FMA” even is- Is it the overall themes of the story? The actual real life alchemical/philosophical concepts mentioned in the series? The politics of the FMA world? Arakawa’s outlook on life and writing manga? Some sort of weird deep subtext about the Philosopher’s Stone or something?

It all depends on how you want to look at things, and everyone and their mom has a different interpretation. Every anime analysis blogger or YouTuber has done something on the philosophy of FMA. But I wanted to do something a little different: Take the philosophical concepts within the FMA universe, and find positive ways to interpret them that you can apply to your own life to better yourself.

Like I said, there’s a thousand different ways of interpreting these concepts. But I’m an optimist, or at least I try to be, so I tried to choose interpretations that are positive and motivating. I think Dante’s already got the whole “pessimistic existential despair” thing covered.

So, without further ado, here we go! This is an extremely long post, so it’s under a cut. Feel free to skim it and only look at the parts that interest you.

Concept: A lesson without pain is meaningless. Interpretation: What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger. Sometimes the most difficult challenges are the most rewarding.

“Teachings that do not speak of pain have no meaning, because humankind cannot gain anything without first giving something in return.” -Chapter 1: The Two Alchemists “A lesson without pain is meaningless, because gaining anything worthwhile requires sacrifice. But if you can overcome that pain and achieve your goal, you can achieve a fullmetal heart, and that’s irreplaceable.” -Chapter 108: Journey’s End

It’s very easy to have a negative interpretation of this phrase, to take it to mean that suffering is necessary. As another favorite anime character of mine once said, “People never learn from their mistakes until they are hurt from them.” But like I said, I want this to be an uplifting list, so we’re going with a happier intepretation.

Everything is a learning experience. You can’t get a diamond without subjecting carbon to immense pressure and high temperatures, right? Even when things seem dark, if you can power through, you’ll come out with experience and strength that others might not have. And even if you can’t win, as any scientist knows, failure can show you where you went wrong and what you need to do to improve. There’s an old proverb in the go (east Asian strategy board game) community: “Lose your first 100 games as quickly as possible.”

This is what really got me started on this tangent, thinking about... believe it or not... Alchemical encoding methods. (Oh, on a side note, does anyone know the proper usage of “alchemical” vs. “alchemic”? Please let me know. It’s been driving me up the wall for years.) Think about it: Alchemists encode their work so they can’t be read by those who aren’t worthy, right? It’s fairly likely that there’s a standard system of alchemical encoding in the FMA world; We’ve heard Ed and Al mention real alchemy concepts like the green lion, or the sun and the moon as masculinity and femininity- things that wouldn’t make sense to a non-alchemist, but are probably standard knowledge for most alchemists. There’s also that mural from Xerxes, which Ed was easily able to understand, because certain symbols and phrases are known to have certain meanings in alchemy.

Encoding systems like this would really only be useful for keeping out non-alchemists and novices, but any skilled alchemist would probably be able to understand them. Because of this, it would probably only be used for fairly benign things. But if you look at things like Marcoh’s notes on the Philosopher’s Stone, or Scar’s brother’s research, those are the really big ones. There’s layers upon layers of coding there that require a ton of skill, time, teamwork, and in Scarbro’s case, knowledge of alchemy across multiple cultures and languages. That’s some intense stuff, but incredibly important. Of course the most rewarding alchemical secrets are the most well guarded.

Challenge yourself. Challenges can often be scary, difficult, and stressful, but sometimes the harder it is, the bigger the reward.

Concept: All is One, One is All. Interpretation: Everything is connected. You are part of a greater flow, and you are not alone.

“Remember when we talked about what would happen if we died here?” “Uh-huh, and I said everyone would be sad.” -Ed and Al, chapter 22: The Masked Man “Maybe it’s ‘the world’, maybe it’s ‘the universe’... Life is a complex cycle, so vast that we can’t see it with our own eyes. But whatever it’s called, you and I are only a tiny part of the great flow. One part of the whole. But all those individual parts come together so that the whole can exist. And the cycle keeps flowing because all of nature follows this fundamental law. Understanding that flow, deconstructing and then reconstrucing... That’s the meaning of alchemy.” -Ed, chapter 22: The Masked Man

Nothing exists in a vacuum. Everything has impact on something, no matter how small. A huge number of factors came together to create the you that is here now, and in turn, your existence affects the lives of others. Even if it seems like you’re alone, like nobody loves you or pays attention to you, you’re not invisible and you’re not alone.

Maybe you’re someone’s favorite blogger, or maybe someone passed you on the street and thought your hair was beautiful. Maybe you own a shelter pet that would have been otherwise put down, or maybe you helped introduce someone to something that changed their life for the better. Maybe you buy a coffee from Starbucks every week, and your purchase contributes a little to the overall income of that particular Starbucks, which allows it to stay open, thus keeping a single mom employed and able to feed her kids. It’s impossible to exist without having an impact on others. The way each little person operates as part of the great web of humanity to make the world what it is today is part of what makes humanity so beautiful.

You’re never truly alone, no matter how much it feels like it, and there’s always someone who would suffer in some way without you. Try to make meaningful connections. If you ever feel like you’re alone in this world, take some time to think about what things you do that affect others, and how you are connected to the world as a whole.

Concept: The energy of the world is cyclical, and only flows in one direction. Interpretation: What you do comes back to you. Be mindful of the attitude you choose to put into the world.

“The foundation of alchemy is the power of the circle. The circle dictates the flow of power, and when the proper runes are written within it, it is possible for the power to be released. Even when you’re not using alchemy, the flow of power has many practical applications! For example... If you can read your opponent’s movements, you can turn them back against him. That’s one way of manipulating energy. Accepting the flow, understanding it, and using it to create... That’s what makes an alchemist an alchemist.” -Izumi, chapter 23: Knocking on Heaven’s Door

Due to some spiritual experiences I’ve had in the past, I very much believe that likes attract likes, and that the energy you put out into the world will come back to you. But you don’t have to be even the least bit spiritual or religious to see how this can sometimes be true.

If you snap at someone for no reason, even if that person was in a good mood, that’s going to discourage them from being nice to you. If you’re a generally mean, angry, nasty person, people just aren’t going to like you. But if you gain a reputation for being nice and treating others with respect, that’s going to earn you respect as well.

I’m not saying you have to be cheerful all the time- everyone has their bad days, and plenty of people (myself included) might naturally be a bit more Raven than Starfire. I’m not even saying you always have to be nice to everybody, because there will always be people who aren’t worthy of your respect. What I am saying is that you have control over how you generally interact with others, and it pays to be nice rather than mean. Things like keeping a generally polite attitude, saying nice things to others, and helping people when they need it are things that people will remember, and make them more likely to want to be nice to you as well.

If you find yourself in a situation where you can choose whether or not to be mean, take a minute to think to yourself: Does this person really deserve this treatment? What will this accomplish? How will this affect how others see me? If you can choose whether or not to be unnecessarily mean, I encourage you to not be mean.

Concept: You cannot gain without sacrifice. To obtain, something of equal value must be lost. Intepretation: Change doesn’t happen on its own. If you want something to happen, you must first take steps to make it happen yourself.

“Humankind cannot gain anything without first giving something in return. To obtain, something of equal value must be lost. That is alchemy’s first law of equivalent exchange.” -Al, Fullmetal Alchemist opening monologue “It is impossible to create something out of nothing. If one wishes to obtain something, something of equal value must be given. This is the law of equivalent exchange.” -Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood opening monologue

Again, it’s easy to interpret this as a negative, “We all must suffer” thing, or as a (50-year-old conservative voice) “If you’re poor it’s just because you’re a lazy bum and blah blah blah” thing, but this is the positive interpretation I’ve come up with.

Nothing ever happens without some sort of catalyst. You have to take the initiative. Like Ed once taught Rose, no matter how religious you are, you can’t just sit around praying and expect all your problems to magically be solved; You have to at least make some effort yourself. Does this mean hard work will always be rewarded the way you want? No. Sadly, this is an unfortunate reality of the world. But it does mean that nothing will happen if you don’t try.

For example, I see a lot of people say, “I wish I could draw.” ...And then that’s it. They just say that, over and over. Guess what? Literally nobody is stopping you from drawing! You have to be the one to pick up the pencil/pen/tablet/paintbrush/mouse etc. and start drawing. No, your first drawing will not be perfect, and it may take a very long time before you’re able to draw something that you can really be proud of. But you’ll definitely never be able to make a great drawing if you never start drawing in the first place.

If you have a goal, and you’re already doing what you can to work towards that goal, even if “what you can do” is next to nothing: That’s great! I’m proud of you for trying, and I hope you can achieve your goal. But if you’re constantly sitting around lamenting how you wish for such-and-such without actually doing anything to try to make it happen... Well, you’re not really going to get anywhere.

Concept: There’s no such thing as “no such thing”. Interpretation: Don’t underestimate yourself. Never give up on something just because others don’t believe in you.

“Nothing is impossible.” -Greed, chapter 27: The Beasts of Dublith

People can accomplish amazing things. I’m sure you’ve all heard the stories of how Harry Potter was written on napkins in a bar and rejected by like 2872193 different publishers or whatever, or how much Vincent van Gogh struggled both in life and art, or how Dav Pilkey wrote Captain Underpants while sitting out in the hall in grade school as a punishment from teachers who told him being a cartoonist isn’t a real career. Even against impossible odds, sometimes with enough determination, you can come out on top.

It’s easy to get bogged down by negativity. If your goal is somewhat out there, you may get a lot of people telling you that you can’t do it, but that’s not necessarily true. In a similar vein to the previous topic, you may never be able to accomplish your goal- life just happens that way sometimes- but there’s always a change that you might. If you let others discourage you to the point of giving up, you’ll definitely never be able to achieve your goal.

Believe in yourself, BELIEVE IN THE ME THAT BELIEVES IN YOU!!!, and keep trying. Don’t give up just because things are looking grim, or because other people say you’ll never be able to do it. They don’t know what you’re capable of.

Concept: A king without his people is no king at all. Interpretation: Life is collaborative. Don’t neglect those who support you.

“A ruler’s duty is to his people. Without them, he is no king at all!” -Ling, Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood episode 22 (because I sadly still don’t own volume 12)

You can’t do everything on your own. People move through life by interacting and helping one another. It’s ok to ask for help sometimes. But at the same time, you have to be ready to give help when the time comes- If someone does things for you, and you turn your back on them when they need you, what kind of person does that make you? Not a very nice one.

Of course, that’s not to say that you have to be giving and giving and giving all the time. If you don’t have the money, time, skills, knowledge, physical ability, or emotional/mental availability to help someone, that’s ok. It happens. But if you can help someone, and choose not to just because you don’t want to make the effort, that’s selfish. Why would you do that to someone who helped you? Who, in turn, will help them? And when people see that you weren’t there for them when you could have been, again, that’s going to come back to you. Nobody wants to help someone who takes without giving.

Also, if you’re in a leadership position, your job is to lead. It is your responsibility to keep an eye on the needs of those below you, and to make sure the system runs smoothly. If you treat your subordinates like garbage, they’re not going to want to respect you.

If you do treat your subordinates well, and help others when they need it, people will look up to you and be more likely to return the favor when you need it.

Be a Colonel Mustang, not a Brigadier General Fessler.

Concept: Take 10, give 11. Interpretation: It doesn’t always take much to be kind. You can do nice things sometimes without expecting something in return.

“My brother and I met so many wonderful people on our journey, people like Mr. Hughes. I’ve come to realize how much happiness they brought us, even if we didn’t see it at the time. That’s why I feel that now it’s our turn to try and give back some of that happiness. If we receive ten and only give back ten, then it’s a zero-sum gain. Instead, if we receive ten we will add our one to it, and give eleven in return.” -Al, chapter 108: Journey’s End

You don’t always need a specific motivation to be nice. Being kind for kindness’ sake is always a good thing to do, and doesn’t necessarily have any negative payoff. A lot of the time, doing something nice for someone can take as little effort as just saying, “You look nice today”, or even- as Arakawa herself has said she believes to be important- just saying thank you when someone does something for you, no matter how small.

If you’re grateful to have someone in your life, show it! Be nice to them. You don’t even have to give a heartfelt speech; sending people posts you think might interest them, for example, can really make them happy. Also, if you see someone who’s feeling down- or even someone who’s perfectly fine- it never hurts to show them a little kindness. Your small compliment may wind up meaning far more to them than you think.

One way I personally try to spread a little kindness: When I see art on my dash, unless I have some particular reason not to want it on my blog (bad pairing, too sexual, etc.), I reblog it. Even if it’s really terrible art, I reblog it anyway, because I know how much it can mean to beginner artists to have just a little bit of encouragement. I also usually try to gush in the tags about how much I love it, or add specific compliments, like “This is a really cool art style” or “I like how you draw his hair”.

Most of the time, I don’t get anything out of this, and I don’t expect or need to. But every once in a while, someone will message me saying how much my comment meant to them, and that’s a really wonderful thing. Also, whenever I leave a comment on a fanfiction, I always end it with a simple, “Thank you for writing this”. The other day, someone said the same thing on one of my fics, and I was shocked. People so rarely show such simple, straightforward appreciation for the amount of work writing takes, and it really made me happy to read.

Anyway, that’s all! I hope you guys enjoyed this spur-of-the-moment little pep talk, I hope it gave you something to think about, and I hope it might be of some help to some of you. And remember: It’s not hard to be nice!

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mysticalmalady · 6 years

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Homemade Shampoo(Yes, It’ll Work for You!)

Way back when I decided to go no-poo (y’know, like last month?) I about gave myself a heart attack. Let’s get one thing straight: I’m a busy girl. I go places, meet people, and work a lot. I can’t afford to have gross hair. So I stuck faithfully by my Suave Professionals Rosemary & Mint for months. It worked well for me, or so I thought. I’ve had a bit of a tug of war with oily hair, it seems that my hormones are just all about that ‘well greased pan’ look. Except in the winter, when my scalp becomes a snowshaker of flakiness. Not the good flakiness either. So I decided to do something about it. I’ve known people in my life that do no-poo with great results. And I’ve seen the not so glamorous consequences of imbalanced shampoo. So I was a skeptic. Terms like “clarify”, “rinse”, “castile soap” and “ACV conditioner” were all scary to me. As I type this, two months later, I guarantee the fear fades the second you see the results. Why did I choose this method? Dr Axe, a man of great and fearsome knowledge, ran an article about the chemicals in our beauty products. And I was done that day. I actually went to my bathroom and pitched everything I could find. It was that scary. You wouldn’t put hydraulic fluid on your head, right on your brain, right? Wrong. That’s only one of the chemical ingredients in modern cosmetics. Jet plane de-icer, parabens, carcinogenics. The thing is, science associations have proven this stuff, but those companies selling to you don’t want to listen. If you figured a way to eliminate them, they wouldn’t be earning your money. Initially, I had just bought a bottle of Dr Bronner’s All-In-One from Whole Foods, and went with that. I didn’t have an issue with it, per se, but it wasn’t quite right for my hair. (ProTip: If you want to start this way, dilute your soap!! One tbsp soap to five tbsp water or any other 1:5 ratio; don’t make a ton as it won’t keep long. Also, if you do this, soak your hair in ACV diluted with water after. I mean, rinse the soap out and pour the diluted rinse over your hair and continue washing the rest of your body. Then rinse, if you even want to. I find the ACV to be a great leave in conditioner, and the smell goes away, I promise). So I set off to find what would work for me. I found it immediately, in none other than the forum at Dr Bronner’s! My shampoo makes enough for about a pint, if a little less. This lasts me (I have long thick and very fine hair) about a month. Just make it as needed. There’s no set in stone answer to how much you use. I’ll put a clean cut recipe down below, but the gist of it is:

1 c green tea, steeped thirty minutes

1 tsp honey

1 tsp olive oil

1/2 cup castile soap

That’s it. Four ingredients, all of which you are guaranteed are normal. Safe. Notice these are all also natural ingredients. You boil the water, pop in a tea bag, wait a half hour, and stir in the honey and oil. Then pour in your soap and you have your finished product! I normally just make this in a jar and store it in my shower, just shake before using. It suds up so nicely. That’s one thing people are accustomed to in shampoo, the rich lather. Well the lather doesn’t do much for cleaning, but it is divine. Now this shampoo is used every three days. Stay with me, you will be washing more than twice a week. I washed my hair every night before swapping to natural shampoo, so believe me when I say if I can adjust, you certainly can as well. Now then, there’s a baking soda/ACV rinse that comes into play during that three day shampoo free period. The schedule runs so that you’re only doing something to your hair every other day. So the baking soda is

3 tbsp baking soda

2 c water

Shake it up and douse your head. It smells weird, and may tingle, so don’t get it in your mouth or eyes. This you leave on for about two minutes, I just generally stand there and enjoy the hot water. Then you rinse with cool to lukewarm water. Don’t use hot because it will dry out your scalp. Then it’s rinse time!

1 1/2 c water

several sprigs of rosemary, 1/2 teaspoon dried rosemary, or a few drops of rosemary essential oil (This is optional but rosemary is great for your hair)

1/4 c Apple Cider Vinegar

It’s the same as the shampoo: boil the water, add rosemary, steep for about ten minutes, strain, and mix in the ACV. Wait for it to cool obviously so you don’t scald your head. Please don’t do that. Now this goes on after you rinse out the baking soda, and I leave this in. If you don’t want to leave it in, wait five minutes then rinse gently. I didn’t want to like leaving it in, but literally after two times you ignore the vinegar smell. Plus, who cares if your hair smells like vinegar anyway? I’d rather it smelt like that than synthetic perfume that can literally give me cancer and depression. Yeesh. So the schedule works out about like this

Day one: Shampoo with homemade soap

Day two: No wash, you can rinse your hair in the shower just to feel cleaner

Day three: Baking Soda rinse with ACV

Day four: no wash, same as day two

Day five: repeat!

Some folks like schedules better, so here’s mine:

(it doesn’t loop because there are seven days in a week and this is a three part system so doing it this way means two no wash days in a row or two wash days consecutively. I’ve never tried this but I don’t imagine it would hurt that much)

Sunday: No wash

Monday: Shampoo

Tuesday: No wash

Wednesday: Baking Soda/ACV

Thursday: no wash

Friday: Shampoo

Saturday: no wash

Sunday: Baking Soda/ACV

And as promised, the cleaner recipes:

Homemade Shampoo:

1 c green tea, steeped for 30 min

1 tsp honey

1 tsp olive oil

1/2 cup liquid castile soap

Directions:

Add tea to boiling water and remove from heat. Let steep thirty minutes. (Or microwave a cup of water for several minutes and cover so heat is trapped)

Stir in honey and olive oil, making sure there are no globs of honey

Add castile soap and stir. Store in airtight container, shake before each use. Use as much is needed for your hair to lather and feel clean.

Homemade Hair Rinse for Baking Soda Treatment:

1 1/2 c water

several sprigs fresh rosemary, one tsp dried, or four drops of essential oil

1/4 c ACV with the Mother (the mother are the enzymes that are benefical, it looks like a brown scum on the bottom of the bottle. just buy one that says “with the mother” ps. I use Bragg’s it’s the best I’ve found) (shake this bottle use because you don’t want clumps of vinegar enzymes in your hair, probably)

Directions:

Boil water, add rosemary if using dried or fresh, and cover. Steep ten to fifteen minutes.

Let cool a bit and add ACV and Rosemary EO, if that’s what your using. It won’t blend in, that’s okay

Use liberally, focusing on the length of your hair following the Baking Soda treatment (the baking soda is more focused on your scalp to exfoliate excess oil and buildup)

Extra tips n Tricks:

- use dr bronner’s. I know it’s expensive, but it’s a huge bottle. you can use it as body wash, cleaner, hand soap, toothpaste (I’m told it tastes like soap but still it’s better than chemicals), and dish soap. If you can’t decide on a scent, here’s some help: in my opinion, the lavender smells like vomit. do not recommend. the peppermint tingles. It’s great for summer but be aware and don’t use on sensitive areas of your body. I use the citrus and although it is strong, you adjust.

- if you can use filtered water, do so. tap water won’t kill you, but it’s so treated with chemicals that it does nullify some of the benefits

- DO NOT GET ACV IN YOUR EYES

- WARM WATER NOT COLD YOU WILL DIE FROM HYPOTHERMIA

- leave the ACV rinse in. it’s good for your hair. like lotion.

- your hair isn’t going to be gorgeous overnight. it’s like eating a salad after months of chicken nuggets and expecting to be slim and healthy in one day. it takes time.

-your hair may be dry or greasy after the first couple washes. that’s good. it shows your hair is trying to revert and condition naturally with its own oil. sounds gross but honestly who knows your hair better than your own scalp? let the expert condition for you.

- if you must curl or straighten your hair, go ahead. but the heat isn’t so great for the hair itself. yes, hair is dead, but the follicles and roots are not.

- if you go no-poo be ready to give up hairspray and other hair products as well. why treat your hair nicely then throw more trash on it?

this has been a collection of advice, brought to you by a poor child who loves her hair. stick it to the man and stop relying on pesticides to wash your hair. just stop it. if you can’t pronounce it, it’s probably not good for you. THERE SHOULD NOT BE A PARAGRAPH OF INGREDIENTS ON YOUR BEAUTY PRODUCTS. IT’S NOT NECESSARY IT’S JUST WASTEFUL AND DAMAGING.

#no poo #homemade #beauty #stick it to the man

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namorres · 7 years

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prompt list!

and here are 477 prompts in which you can request things from. you can always request original ideas as well, so don’t worry!

(i’ll put it under the cut so i don’t murder someone’s dash)

“you must not blame yourself. not for this.”

“My future isn’t going to be like yours.”

“This was my mess and I need to fix it.”

“My hate for you cannot be measured.”

“Yeah uh – yeah, no. That sounds awful.”

“Please… don’t leave me here. Don’t leave me alone, not without you.”

“So that went well.”

“You’re awful. I love it.”

“What the hell do you think you’re doing, exactly?”

“Is that… lipstick on your collar?”

“Did you do this?”

“You know what? This place feels like home.”

“Oh shit. Am I – am I in love? That’s not supposed to be happening. That’s not right.”

“Who are you? Where am I? What is this? WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON?”

“Dear y/n – first of all, I’m so sorry. I really am.”

“I can’t do this anymore.”

“So what, you’re just gonna leave?”

“Did you really think I wouldn’t figure it out?”

“You really think you can beat me? That’s cute.”

“I’m tired of you. I really am, at this point.”

“Oh, just digging myself a grave, you?”

“Shh. This is my favorite part.”

“Hey, can I hold your boobs for a sec?”

“I think I may have found a song that accurately describes how I feel toward you.”

“Is that necessary?”

“I don’t like it.”

“I’m getting bad vibes… we should go.”

“HA! Loser!”

“You wear me out, kid.”

“Is this a joke? This is a joke right, you’re joking.”

“The washing machine broke, I almost lost my keys, the car got dented, and a wasp got into the house and hijacked the bedroom for four days! Four. Days.”

“You’re the greatest thing that’s ever happened to me.”

“You kiddin’? That’s brilliant, c'mon!”

“So what do you say to this: you, me, a nice big glass of milk, a thing of cookies?”

“My hero.”

“That was harsh.”

“You better pipe down. I’m not laughing.”

“So you’re really gonna do this, huh? And nothing I say can change your mind?”

“So uh. I noticed you’re kinda naked. Is that intentional, or…?”

“Why is there a dog in my living room?”

“They mixed up our reservations. One room. One bed.”

“Oh boy. I’m on the weird side of YouTube again.”

“You, my friend, are a filthy sinner, and I, for one, approve wholeheartedly.”

“Did you mean like… this?”

“Would you do it for love?”

“It’s funny. I saw this coming from a mile away and I still didn’t do anything to prevent it.”

“Raise those eyebrows any higher and you’re going to lose them.”

“I made you something. Do you like it?”

“It’s your choice whether or not you leave an impact on their life.”

“It’s no fun going alone.”

“I wanna go home. I’m tired of being in a place that makes me feel unwanted.”

“I’m standing on my own two feet. You don’t get to come back and sweep me off them.”

“In a perfect world, we wouldn’t be having this problem.”

“I locked away my memories for good reason.”

“You’re a dirty little promise breaker.”

“This is why you’re my voice of reason.”

“I’m here to help you crash this party.”

“You were planning on leaving without me. I knew it from the start.”

“They’re lonely like we are.”

“I’d rather be hurt by the truth than tangled up in your lies.”

“You made me believe you were invincible.”

“You aren’t a danger to me. You aren’t a danger to anyone.”

“You’re not short. You wouldn’t understand.”

“I bet it’s nice having a convenient excuse to use every time you need one.”

“I’ve committed many crimes. You’re going to have to be clear about which one you’re talking about.”

“So, are you just going to stand there and take that shit?”

“Don’t ask me what I said. Chances are, I don’t even know.”

“Can you move over a bit please?”

“You can stop that now.”

“Don’t talk to him like that.”

“Are you literally five years old?”

“How much did you drink, exactly?”

“Please don’t touch me.”

“Say that one more time and I’ll fuck you up.”

“Of course you had to jump in on the conversation.”

“You’re not as cool as you think you are.”

“That’s fine, just go right and cut in front of me. I’ve only been waiting in line for forty-five minutes, no biggie.”

“The sign clearly says we’re closed so can you please either buy something or leave so I can go home.”

“I’m pretty sure you broke my best friend’s heart.”

“Not to be rude or anything, but I know your type so please, kindly, fuck off.”

“Okay, but, it’s none of your business?”

“Let’s be real here. There’s no way in hell I’m going to let you take my drunk friend home.”

“Over my dead body.”

“All because you say ‘no offence’ it doesn’t make what you say any less offensive.”

“So, are you going to let me speak or…?”

“You had literally no right to do that.”

“Do you often make people this uncomfortable, or am I just extremely lucky?”

“I love this place so much.”

“We are still alone.”

“I want to bring all of you.”

“I’m taking a walk.”

“I’d rather die than have this conversation right now.”

“This isn’t the future I wanted.”

“Carry on, why don’t you?”

“Give it up already.”

“You have mascara all over your face.”

“You like when I look like this.”

“I’ll be fine if you leave.”

“I don’t need you anymore.”

“Thank you for making me tough.”

“Don’t flatter yourself.”

“Stop putting me down.”

“Take a look around, what do you see?”

“Just thought I’d be happier.”

“This isn’t an emergency.”

“We need to be on our way.”

“You’re too proud to let yourself love me.”

“I’ve never been scared of anything.”

“I’ll call you if I get home.”

“I know where you’re going to go.”

“It’ll all fall into place, trust me.”

“Are you in a rush?”

“Don’t walk home alone.”

“You look better than I remember.”

“Get it through your thick skull!”

“Don’t doubt me.”

“Well, when you put it like that…”

“They know. They all know.”

“There’s nothing she can do.”

“Why would I be with you if I was looking for someone else?”

“There’s a bed in the other room.”

“Stop wasting her time.”

“I noticed you the second you got here.”

“Waiting for the right time to tell you…”

“Get on the dance floor.”

“It’s been too long since I’ve touched you.”

“Why are you here if you’re not having a good time?”

“I think she’s leaving.”

“It’s all in my head.”

“I don’t want to keep picturing you with him.”

“I can’t shake it.”

“It’s a shame that you’re still angry about that.”

“What would you do in my position?”

“I think about it constantly.”

“It hurt more now. Time hasn’t done anything.”

“I remember what I said that made you leave.”

“My brain is hectic.”

“Don’t be a bad boy with me.”

“You know what you do to me.”

“Are you just gonna stay a fantasy?”

“What is ever enough for you?”

“This summer, fuck it. Run away with me.”

“Stop talking, look at the stars.”

“You wouldn’t recognize me now.”

“I can’t care for you now.”

“You’re so demanding.”

“I won’t be here to wake you up tomorrow.”

“Hold onto someone who treats you like that.”

“You were gone. I turned around and poof!”

“Who will still care?”

“You said you could help!”

“You don’t know shit!”

“Some boys are just for good times.”

“You are making a killing right now.”

“You don’t listen at all.”

“You didn’t ask for permission.”

“Of course, you got what you wanted.”

“She’s the girl you’re bringing to the hotel?”

“Keep me warm.”

“Is this what you think I was looking for?”

“I’m okay sleeping alone.”

“Heard you were talking shit.”

“Shame on me for getting too close.”

“You’re the worst at this.”

“Anything goes.”

“Give me more.”

“You made me drive you here and you’re leaving with him?”

“I can’t come back!”

“If I were you, I’d be quiet.”

“That is not what I said!”

“That’s a suitcase.”

“I’m blindsided.”

“What did I do wrong? Please tell me.”

“Where is your stuff?”

“It can’t be too late…”

“All I want is to love you.”

“What changed so quickly?”

“Answer me!”

“Don’t touch me!”

“Get out of the way!”

“That’s what my mom said.”

“This isn’t going to be easy.”

“How much more are you going to put me through?”

“What if I told you it will be alright?”

“Watch over him.”

“You have some nerve.”

“Did you call me 'sweet’?”

“This is completely new territory for me.”

“Maybe right now you just can’t imagine being lonely…”

“You’re going to be late.”

“Heard you’ve been busy.”

“I’ve been working all week.”

“Meet me upstairs.”

“I don’t give a shit what he feels.”

“Do you know what that means?”

“You had the keys!”

“I remember everything you whispered.”

“I’m not alone tonight.”

“Give it time, you’ll forget about it.”

“Is this going to disappoint me?”

“You’re a twisted person.”

“I didn’t think we’d go that far.”

“I just wish I understood why you did that.”

“Why is there pain?”

“I believe in you.”

“Maybe I cried, maybe I didn’t. I ain’t tellin’ you.”

“Sometimes, I wake up and you’re in another city.”

“I am never wrong.”

“It’s obvious it’s over.”

“Face the facts, damnit! They’re never coming back!”

“Tell me what happened? When did I lose you?”

“I don’t remember… I’m so sorry.”

“Oh god, no, I didn’t mean that. Forgive me, please.”

“Stop calling me cute!” - “Stop doing cute things!”

“I haven’t moved on yet.” - “I can tell.”

“I wasn’t going to try to fix us, but damnit, now you’ve got me thinking there’s a chance.”

“I’m not going to apologize.”

“You told me you wanted to let go. That night… I was coming over to try and fix things.”

“Okay, so maybe I lied! Maybe I’m not over you! Maybe I still have feelings! Stupid, stupid, uncontrollable feelings!” - "Well, what made you think I don’t feel the same?”

“I don’t want to do this. I can’t leave her behind.”

“I would say this cake was baked with love, but I had a bad day so it’s baked with chocolate and hatred.”

“I just… want to go home.”

“If you miss me, then you should do something about it.”

“Kiss me like I’m him.”

“It’s not because of dinner.”

“And you still won’t admit it.”

“Get out of my head.”

“You can keep the apartment.”

“Take me anywhere.”

“You stuff is in boxes outside your parents’ place.”

“I know I’m on your mind.”

“You said I should move on.”

“Why don’t you want to be alone with me?”

“I’m so scared… of you… of us.”

“Meet me at the terminal.”

“This is actually Hell.”

“You’re just another girl.”

“you must not blame yourself. not for this.”

“My future isn’t going to be like yours.”

“This was my mess and I need to fix it.”

“My hate for you cannot be measured.”

“Yeah uh – yeah, no. That sounds awful.”

“Please… don’t leave me here. Don’t leave me alone, not without you.”

“So that went well.”

“You’re awful. I love it.”

“What the hell do you think you’re doing, exactly?”

“Is that… lipstick on your collar?”

“Did you do this?”

“You know what? This place feels like home.”

“Oh shit. Am I – am I in love? That’s not supposed to be happening. That’s not right.”

“Who are you? Where am I? What is this? WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON?”

“Dear y/n – first of all, I’m so sorry. I really am.”

“I can’t do this anymore.”

“So what, you’re just gonna leave?”

“Did you really think I wouldn’t figure it out?”

“You really think you can beat me? That’s cute.”

“I’m tired of you. I really am, at this point.”

“Oh, just digging myself a grave, you?”

“Shh. This is my favorite part.”

“Hey, can I hold your boobs for a sec?”

“I think I may have found a song that accurately describes how I feel toward you.”

“Is that necessary?”

“I don’t like it.”

“I’m getting bad vibes… we should go.”

“HA! Loser!”

“You wear me out, kid.”

“Is this a joke? This is a joke right, you’re joking.”

“The washing machine broke, I almost lost my keys, the car got dented, and a wasp got into the house and hijacked the bedroom for four days! Four. Days.”

“You’re the greatest thing that’s ever happened to me.”

“You kiddin’? That’s brilliant, c'mon!”

“So what do you say to this: you, me, a nice big glass of milk, a thing of cookies?”

“My hero.”

“That was harsh.”

“You better pipe down. I’m not laughing.”

“So you’re really gonna do this, huh? And nothing I say can change your mind?”

“So uh. I noticed you’re kinda naked. Is that intentional, or…?”

“Why is there a dog in my living room?”

“They mixed up our reservations. One room. One bed.”

“Oh boy. I’m on the weird side of YouTube again.”

“You, my friend, are a filthy sinner, and I, for one, approve wholeheartedly.”

“Did you mean like… this?”

“Would you do it for love?”

“It’s funny. I saw this coming from a mile away and I still didn’t do anything to prevent it.”

“Raise those eyebrows any higher and you’re going to lose them.”

“I made you something. Do you like it?”

“It’s your choice whether or not you leave an impact on their life.”

“It’s no fun going alone.”

“I wanna go home. I’m tired of being in a place that makes me feel unwanted.”

“I’m standing on my own two feet. You don’t get to come back and sweep me off them.”

“In a perfect world, we wouldn’t be having this problem.”

“I locked away my memories for good reason.”

“You’re a dirty little promise breaker.”

“This is why you’re my voice of reason.”

“I’m here to help you crash this party.”

“You were planning on leaving without me. I knew it from the start.”

“They’re lonely like we are.”

“I’d rather be hurt by the truth than tangled up in your lies.”

“You made me believe you were invincible.”

“You aren’t a danger to me. You aren’t a danger to anyone.”

“You’re not short. You wouldn’t understand.”

“I bet it’s nice having a convenient excuse to use every time you need one.”

“I’ve committed many crimes. You’re going to have to be clear about which one you’re talking about.”

“I expected betrayal, but it still surprised me.”

“Don’t ask me what I said. Chances are, I don’t even know.”

“Can you move over a bit please?”

“You can stop that now.”

“Don’t talk to him like that.”

“Are you literally five years old?”

“How much did you drink, exactly?”

“Please don’t touch me.”

“Say that one more time and I’ll fuck you up.”

“Of course you had to jump in on the conversation.”

“You’re not as cool as you think you are.”

“That’s fine, just go right and cut in front of me. I’ve only been waiting in line for forty-five minutes, no biggie.”

“The sign clearly says we’re closed so can you please either buy something or leave so I can go home.”

“I’m pretty sure you broke my best friend’s heart.”

“Not to be rude or anything, but I know your type so please, kindly, fuck off.”

“Okay, but, it’s none of your business?”

“Let’s be real here. There’s no way in hell I’m going to let you take my drunk friend home.”

“Over my dead body.”

“All because you say 'no offence’ it doesn’t make what you say any less offensive.”

“So, are you going to let me speak or…?”

“You had literally no right to do that.”

“Do you often make people this uncomfortable, or am I just extremely lucky?”

“I love this place so much.”

“We are still alone.”

“I want to bring all of you.”

“I’m taking a walk.”

“I’d rather die than have this conversation right now.”

“This isn’t the future I wanted.”

“Carry on, why don’t you?”

“Give it up already.”

“You have mascara all over your face.”

“You like when I look like this.”

“I’ll be fine if you leave.”

“I don’t need you anymore.”

“Thank you for making me tough.”

“Don’t flatter yourself.”

“Stop putting me down.”

��Take a look around, what do you see?”

“Just thought I’d be happier.”

“This isn’t an emergency.”

“We need to be on our way.”

“You’re too proud to let yourself love me.”

“I’ve never been scared of anything.”

“I’ll call you if I get home.”

“I know where you’re going to go.”

“It’ll all fall into place, trust me.”

“Are you in a rush?”

“Don’t walk home alone.”

“You look better than I remember.”

“Get it through your thick skull!”

“Don’t doubt me.”

“Well, when you put it like that…”

“They know. They all know.”

“There’s nothing she can do.”

“Why would I be with you if I was looking for someone else?”

“There’s a bed in the other room.”

“Stop wasting her time.”

“I noticed you the second you got here.”

“Waiting for the right time to tell you…”

“Get on the dance floor.”

“It’s been too long since I’ve touched you.”

“Why are you here if you’re not having a good time?”

“I think she’s leaving.”

“It’s all in my head.”

“I don’t want to keep picturing you with him.”

“I can’t shake it.”

“It’s a shame that you’re still angry about that.”

“What would you do in my position?”

“I think about it constantly.”

“It hurt more now. Time hasn’t done anything.”

“I remember what I said that made you leave.”

“My brain is hectic.”

“Don’t be a bad boy with me.”

“You know what you do to me.”

“Are you just gonna stay a fantasy?”

“What is ever enough for you?”

“This summer, fuck it. Run away with me.”

“Stop talking, look at the stars.”

“You wouldn’t recognize me now.”

“I can’t care for you now.”

“You’re so demanding.”

“I won’t be here to wake you up tomorrow.”

“Hold onto someone who treats you like that.”

“You were gone. I turned around and poof!”

“Who will still care?”

“You said you could help!”

“You don’t know shit!”

“Some boys are just for good times.”

“You are making a killing right now.”

“You don’t listen at all.”

“You didn’t ask for permission.”

“Of course, you got what you wanted.”

“She’s the girl you’re bringing to the hotel?”

“Keep me warm.”

“Is this what you think I was looking for?”

“I’m okay sleeping alone.”

“Heard you were talking shit.”

“Shame on me for getting too close.”

“You’re the worst at this.”

“Anything goes.”

“Give me more.”

“You made me drive you here and you’re leaving with him?”

“I can’t come back!”

“If I were you, I’d be quiet.”

“That is not what I said!”

“That’s a suitcase.”

“I’m blindsided.”

“What did I do wrong? Please tell me.”

“Where is your stuff?”

“It can’t be too late…”

“All I want is to love you.”

“What changed so quickly?”

“Answer me!”

“Don’t touch me!”

“Get out of the way!”

“That’s what my mom said.”

“This isn’t going to be easy.”

“How much more are you going to put me through?”

“What if I told you it will be alright?”

“Watch over him.”

“You have some nerve.”

“Did you call me 'sweet’?”

“This is completely new territory for me.”

“Maybe right now you just can’t imagine being lonely…”

“You’re going to be late.”

“Heard you’ve been busy.”

“I’ve been working all week.”

“Meet me upstairs.”

“I don’t give a shit what he feels.”

“Do you know what that means?”

“You had the keys!”

“I remember everything you whispered.”

“I’m not alone tonight.”

“Give it time, you’ll forget about it.”

“Is this going to disappoint me?”

“You’re a twisted person.”

“I didn’t think we’d go that far.”

“I just wish I understood why you did that.”

“Why is there pain?”

“I believe in you.”

“Maybe I cried, maybe I didn’t. I ain’t tellin’ you.”

“Sometimes, I wake up and you’re in another city.”

“I am never wrong.”

“It’s obvious it’s over.”

“Face the facts, damnit! They’re never coming back!”

“Tell me what happened? When did I lose you?”

“I don’t remember… I’m so sorry.”

“Oh god, no, I didn’t mean that. Forgive me, please.”

“Stop calling me cute!”

“Stop doing cute things!”

“I haven’t moved on yet.”

“I can tell.”

“I wasn’t going to try to fix us, but damnit, now you’ve got me thinking there’s a chance.”

“I’m not going to apologize.”

“You told me you wanted to let go. That night… I was coming over to try and fix things.”

“Okay, so maybe I lied! Maybe I’m not over you! Maybe I still have feelings! Stupid, stupid, uncontrollable feelings!”

“Well, what made you think I don’t feel the same?”

“I don’t want to do this. I can’t leave her behind.”

“I would say this cake was baked with love, but I had a bad day so it’s baked with chocolate and hatred.”

“I just… want to go home.”

“If you miss me, then you should do something about it.”

“Kiss me like I’m him.”

“It’s not because of dinner.”

“And you still won’t admit it.”

“Get out of my head.”

“You can keep the apartment.”

“Take me anywhere.”

“You stuff is in boxes outside your parents’ place.”

“I know I’m on your mind.”

“You said I should move on.”

“Why don’t you want to be alone with me?”

“I’m so scared… of you… of us.”

“Meet me at the terminal.”

“This is actually Hell.”

“You’re just another girl.”

#prompt list #it's really long i apologize #sincerelymark

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deck16 · 5 years

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Guild Wars 2 Retrospective

I've played a number of MMOs over the years. Guild Wars 2 is my favourite, and it occupies a place in my memories like a favourite book or movie. And so, I want to write down my thoughts about it.

I don't think I'm finished with the game yet. As I write, the Icebrood Saga is soon to be launched. Even ignoring future content there's so much current content I want to do.

That said, now's a good time to write down my thoughts. I finished Living World Season 4 not too long ago and it had a certain finality that made me want to pause and reflect.

This is going to be long. And it's going to be a lot of opinion. There's going to be a lot of praise, but if I praise Guild Wars 2 for something don't take that to imply that only GW2 does that thing, or that GW2 does it best.

Soundtrack

Have a listen while you read this.

youtube

The earlier stuff by Jeremy Soule is different to what came later, in expansions and such, but not incongruous. It's all good.

Music is one of those strange and strong memory triggers, like smell. There are some refrains from the soundtrack that bring back memories. I remember listening to the soundtrack when the game was released to help get through a particularly un-fun and short-lived job. Some tracks bring back memories of playing with friends. Or just exploring Tyria on my own.

Money

Ars Gratia Artis

How does one make money off a product, like a game?

Make it worth buying.

(Other.)

Option 2 includes things like psychological tricks, and planned obsolescence with yearly releases.

I can't say GW2 never indulges in Option 2. But I feel it mostly goes for Option 1.

Pictured: ArenaNet offices after releasing the black wings cosmetic.

Subscription Model

Guild Wars 2, like its predecessor, never demanded a subscription.

This earns a massive amount of respect from me. Many MMOs charge subscriptions while they're new, raking in some easy money while they've got hype. I think GW2 could've done that. That ArenaNet chose not to is laudable.

Money Store

GW2 does, I'm sure, rake in extra money from expansion packs and cosmetics. The former is very understandable. The latter can be dangerous in greedy hands.

You can buy a lot of tat with real money in GW2, it's true. It's even had a version of loot boxes from day one.

Thankfully the real-money stuff is largely cosmetic or convenience. I have bought a few items, but I do not feel a second-class citizen for not buying more. Indeed, I roll my eyes at the bizarre characters decked out in effulgent tat. If they want to support the game I enjoy to look like rejects from a bad anime, more power to them. I rather more a normal appearance, and there's plenty of options to get that by playing, not paying.

Exhibits A through D: Effulgent Tat

Maybe I'm a sentimental idiot, but GW2's soft-sell approach has made me sympathetic. When GW2 developers were laid off due to a "financial squeeze" I went and bought some gems. I feel they deserve it. Not like other companies who lay off staff when money abounds, just so they can cut costs.

You will see adverts for money-store items here and there, such as the login screen. But, crucially, it never interrupts your game with teasing messages along the lines of "if you buy XYZ, you can skip this".

There's also the daily log-in rewards and the character birthday rewards. These give a nice mix of the cheaper money-store conveniences and also grant access to things you can't even buy.

Explorable

Something that struck me very early about GW2 was the extent you can just wander around to level.

Progress by Wanderlust

See an interesting land-mark? Go wander over, you'll probably run into some quests. Cross paths with an event? Join right on in and help out. Harvest resources as you go. Kill monsters off the beaten track for extra experience.

There are other things to find to reward exploration. Mini-dungeons, mini-bosses, chests of loot, and even just really pretty locations. It feels really good when you say "what's over there?" and you actually discover something that's totally supplemental but also totally interesting.

One of the earlier off-the-beaten-track finds I made. A bandit's cabbage farm. Handy if you're into cooking.

Early on, I loved wandering to level. It made the grind of levelling feel more like exploration, like I was playing Morrowind or Skyrim, rather than an MMO.

Even now, years on, there are zones I haven't explored. I took the direct path through Living World Season 4's zones, and now I'm contently going back and exploring them top to tail. Nowadays I don't wander quite so randomly. I use the map markers to guide me, but I still have plenty of "what's that?" or "what's over there?" moments. I'm still finding stuff.

NPC Chatter

NPCs across Tyria talk to each other. A lot. It's all fully voice-acted and often interesting or funny as well.

I am still surprised when I stop somewhere quite isolated to clean out my inventory or fiddle with my traits and some NPCs strike up a conversation. It must be very tempting to cut costs by not having the random Inquest NPC in corridor A chat about his research with the other Inquest NPC.

A small thing, but it does make exploring that little bit more rewarding.

Not a great example for funny-factor, but a good example for isolation. To see these two hostile Inquest NPCs you'd first have to opt to do the Living World chapter their zone is in, then decide to explore beyond the story there, then happen down this particular corridor, and finally not kill them before they had a chance to talk.

Events and Meta Events

Events and meta events impressed me greatly as I discovered GW2.

Little Adventures

Early on, I was exploring Harathi Hinterlands, and I come across an event where Seraph NPCs (good guys) are defending against Centaur NPCs (bad guys). I help, the Seraph win. And then one of them announces they're moving on to their next objective.

I follow. Things escalate. About an hour later, we (NPCs, other players, and myself) have pushed into the Centaur base and are taking down their leader.

It made the world feel alive. Here was this war that was happening whether I was there or not. If I chose to pitch in rather than walk by, I would be treated to a little adventure: combat, loot, and a little story.

A limited-time event had players pursuing and then killing ley-energy people. I felt bad for the poor bastards, being chased by dozens of loot-crazed players. Not bad enough to not join in, though...

Putting the First M in MMO

Events are a reason for players to work together, in scales big and small.

On the small scale, it's always a relief to see some new players jump in and help you with a Champion when you're tackling it alone or in a small party. The shoe feels good on the other foot: it's fun to play the hero and jump in to help some scrappy players beat a champion they were struggling with.

On the big scale, maps like The Silverwastes and Dragon's Stand are dedicated to meta events. Groups of players must spontaneously split down multiple paths to achieve objectives in limited time. I've seen these fail often enough to know success isn't guaranteed.

Play with Friends

Despite the acronym, it's not easy to play with friends in every MMO. Here's a hypothetical exchange:

"Hey, you want to play that MMO?"

"Sure! It's more fun to play with friends."

"Okay! I'm on the Black Mountains server."

"Oh. I'm on the Dusty Gorge server."

"That's alright. I'll make a character on Dusty Gorge."

"Great! Where shall we meet?"

"Well I'm only level 1 on this server, so it will have to be a starter zone."

"Oh. The lowest character I have is level 20. So... I'll just one-shot everything, and I'll get no XP and useless loot."

"Ah. Well... I guess I'll get to level 20 and let you know? So, we can probably play in a week or so?"

"...Okay."

These problems do not happen in GW2 with the megaserver system and dynamic level adjustment.

When the game came out a group of friends and I quested through several zones together. This is us in the charr starting area.

(I don't want to pretend dynamic level adjustment is perfect. Because if you take your Ascended-item max-level elite-specialised hero to a starter PvE zone you are going to be more powerful than a new level 1 character. Not quite to the point of absurdness, but not far from it either.)

Any barrier that makes it hard to play with friends in an MMO is idiotic. I am very glad GW2 started with low barriers, and only made them lower over time.

A Better Grind

There's grinding in GW2. How could there not be, in a modern MMO?

I have seen people in GW2 doing what I consider painful, repetitive grinding. Armies running laps in the Edge of the Mists. Heroes repeatedly doing Fractals. Massive groups teleporting from one world boss to another on a clockwork schedule.

If people want to do that, more power to them. None of that is necessary, though. It's for bragging rights or as a faster alternative to levelling.

Look at the relative stats for item rarity. For a fresh level 80 character Rare equipment is trivial to get, and Exotic is very doable. This equipment is not that far behind the very best. Certainly the gap is much, much less than most other MMOs. And it doesn't go obsolete over time as new content is added... mostly.

Mounts are more than just a "go faster" convenience in GW2. They complement the exploration side of the game, with each able to run, jump, or glide differently. They have weight and inertia and are fun to drive. The optional, later-game mounts require some grinding to get; thankfully they are account-wide unlocks.

Is there any grinding required to just experience the game? The answer is "yes", but I think GW2 has taken the harsh edges off it.

If you enjoy grinding, is it really grinding? GW2 lets you enjoy grinding in two ways:

No Repetition

Get something once, and you don't have to do it again. That's good, because something only becomes repetitive if you have to do it more than once!

Very many things are account-bound. Progress can be made on any character. And once you unlock it, you have it on all characters.

Even something like levelling, which is not account-bound, doesn't have to be repeated. Level-boosting items are handed out as you play or as birthday gifts. All free; not paid-for. And handed out generously: I have enough to get about a half-dozen characters to maximum level. Even if you don't have quite as many as I do they will still speed up the levelling process.

Grinding by Playing

Many things you grind for can be earned doing a variety of things in a variety of places. This has the happy side-effect of making grinding goals come with just playing.

Suppose a friend newly joins GW2, and I'm tempted to join them in the low-level non-expansion zone. I won't be "wasting time" as I'll be earning masteries, gold and other currencies and crafting materials.

Photo-bombed by a hunter pet. Look at that smug expression on its face...

Combat Mechanics

GW2 combat feels pretty satisfying and fluid to me. I don't want to hold GW2's combat up as exemplary, because it isn't. Other MMOs do similar things; in many cases better.

But I like GW2 combat well enough. Here's why:

Movement. Many attacks can be avoided by moving away. In any half-way hectic combat you're constantly on the move, either to avoid enemy attacks or to better position your own. Having a dedicated dodge move adds to the experience.

Action Camera. Not everyone likes the action camera, but I love it. I can control the game like a shooter, not like some modded real-time strategy game.

Elegant Rules. Over time, MMO rules systems often turn into incomprehensible messses that no-one understands. Or they start out that way. GW2's rules are pretty complicated but it keeps things mostly comprehensible with a kind-of status-effect middleware that relies on common effects like boons and conditions. The programmer in me finds it quite genius and, frankly, elegant.

Weak Holy Trinity

In GW2 the healer, DPS, tank divide is de-emphasised. Every class does a little of each.

Yes, you can emphasise one over another, and if you're doing difficult content you probably should. But no class is defined by their trinity-role. You want to be a tanky thief? Do it!

Healing is especially unique. In old-school MMOs, healing is just "reverse damage". You hit me for 20 damage? I'll heal me for 20 damage. In GW2 it's a bit more nuanced, usually revolving around regeneration or other slower effects. Someone chucking out healing skills is a life-saver (literally) not because they're un-doing chunks of damage but because they're increasing survivability.

Amateur Theorycrafting

When I was levelling up my thief I found she struggled with survivability. I paused to re-consider my tactics. I decided on a condition damage approach, and picked weapons and skills that would make my enemies bleed. Caltrops, shrapnel bombs, and double daggers!

It worked! The thief was still fragile, but she could stack enough bleeds to kill most things, even many things at once. The caltrops helped: tougher bad-guys would limp in pursuit, bleeding to death.

My post-hoc re-enactment of that bleed build.

Apparently it wasn't an optimal choice: theorycrafters would pick other configurations. That's unavoidable. There is always a meta in any game made by mortals.

Yet I was pleased I had "figured it out" on my own, just by playing and experimenting. I didn't need an internet guide to survive. And even if it wasn't the best choice, it still worked well enough.

Having done the same on a few classes since then I feel GW2 is a game where you can tinker and customise and come up with things that work.

My current warrior setup tries to be tanky in a few ways; one of which is by combining For Great Justice with Might Makes Right. I doubt it's a "top meta" build but it seems to work well enough.

Rotationless

I hate rotations in MMOs. I get they're inevitable to some extent, but I loathe MMOs that embrace and build upon it as if it's a positive thing.

Well, let me back away from that a mote. I hate it when they do that and it's not opt-in. If people want to do it for some unique style or to get a few extra percentage points of damage, I don't mind.

I don't want to think about internal timers and priorities when I play. Those things are artificial. I want to think about the actual goings-on in combat. I want use Hundred Blades because I've moved into a position where I can strike mulitiple foes; not because a I've randomly proced a buff that enables or enhances it.

This is why Berserker Warrior is my favourite class in GW2. I can play it in a brain-dead way. The "auto attack" skill, plus one or two others, is all I need in a stand-up slugfest. Everything else is to respond to a situation: to move, to heal, to break, to push.

There are classes and specialisations in GW2 that do require something of a rotation. That's fine. I won't play 'em but I've no problem if others want to!

PvP and End-Game

I've not done much PvP stuff or fractals or raids. So I can't talk much about that. I wish I had tried these things, but such are the laments of a casual player with limited time.

I really love GW2's approach to remove gear and level restrictions in all PvP. It's great you can buy the game, log in, and play PvP or WvW on a mostly level playing field.

I also love the concept of World vs World. Both as a mode of competition and the way it allows for a variety of activities like soldiering, skirmishing, scouting, siege-engining and supply-hauling. You can even just potter around the WvW zone doing vistas or harvesting resources if you want to.

Some people will complain GW2 doesn't have enough end-game. They're probably right, in a sense: there are better MMOs out there for their needs. As a casual player, I'm largely happy with the balance GW2 had decided to strike.

A World to Escape To

Tyria is a welcoming fantasy world. Like a digital Narnia or Neverland it is a place to escape to. It's comforting to be there.

Of course escapism is part of many works of fiction. On the other hand, it's not something every work of fiction ought do.

If you're going to do escapism, do it well. GW2, I think, does it well.

Scenic

Tyria is a beautiful place. It was in Guild Wars 1. It still is.

The designers have a real knack for displaying awesome, yet realistic, environments. There are stunning settings in all manner of environments. Just look at the screenshots I’ve peppered about.

They especially do nature well. Some of the forests, with dappled lighting and weather effects, are gorgeous.

This isn't just a matter of graphics, or even art. It's a sense of moderation: it's knowing that if everything is epic, nothing is.

They know they rock the scenery. Why else would they make pretty views a big part of the game?

Race Realism

MMOs often have a problem where non-human races are... well... quite human. Sometimes in very silly ways.

Not so GW2. I love the charr. A "cat people" race that aren't humans with cat-ears and a tail. The charr are inhuman yet have animal traits that are familiar, from the loping all-fours run to the always-sniffing nose. They're well designed.

Charr posture though... All that weight bearing down on feet that don't have the benefit of heels? An awkwardly forward centre of gravity? They've got to be sore by the end of the day.

Pretty much all the races are done well, including monster bad-guy ones. There's a lot of detail put into GW2 creatures and it's a shame in a way that the nature of the game means we rarely get to see them up close and detailed.

Arguably GW2's weakest race, aesthetically, may be the humans, who all look like stock photography models.

After doing so well with the charr, I don't know what possessed them to give Rox ridiculously huge kitty-cat eyes.

Empowering

Thinking logically, Tyria really isn't a nice place. There are all sorts of problems, from local bandits to world-ending dragons.

Throw that logic out the window. What matters more than how many problems there are is how empowered you, I, or anyone is to solve these problems.

There's no problem in GW2 that can't be fixed. Bandits can be beaten up. Dragons can be defeated. Even racism can be fixed. (Yes, often violence is the only option, but that's action RPGs for you.)

There's a spirit of co-operation and capability that runs through GW2. You are not so much the mighty hero coming to save the helpless peasants. Rather you're mucking in with people already hard at work trying to fix things, be they grub-squashing farmers or dragon-killing soldiers. You just happen to be the tipping point they needed. Even in the story, when you're promoted to grand poobah, you're a pretty collaborative boss, tending to work with your comrades.

In GW2 hope trumps hopelessness. It's escapism. It's nice.

Story

GW2 has a number of stories you can embark on.

I have mixed feelings about GW2's story. Like most MMO stories, it isn't that great. I wouldn't suggest you get a bag of popcorn and watch all the cutscenes on YouTube.

But as far as MMO stories go, it's probably better than most. It certainly has its ups and downs. Yet in those better moments it can be quite enthralling. Living World Season 4 -- the most recent story section at the time of writing -- kept me interested and even tugged a little at my heart-strings.

Like a soap opera, the GW2 story makes up in quantity what it lacks in quality. Over time -- years and years, remember -- you get to know and love the world and the characters. And it's doubly engaging because you are one of the characters.

Characters

The best thing about GW2's story are the characters, especially in later content. Characters who are essentially RPG tropes are given personality by competent writing and voice acting. Canach's dry sense of humour always amused me, as did Taimi's energetic voice acting.

This is a well-calculated expenditure of effort. Good characters can make talking heads engaging. Bad characters can't be saved even by multi-million dollar effects budgets.

A cool little scene at the end of the Personal Story has your character striding alongside the members of Destiny's Edge.

War and Isolation

Many people don't like Orr, the final zone in the base game. I do.

As per the story, it's a warzone. And you can see it. It's like the D-Day landings over there. Scouts, transports, war machines; everywhere you go the Pact are battling the undead. There are no heart quests there, just dynamic events; and I think that reflects the epic goings-on quite well.

Likewise, a zone like Mount Maelstrom is meant to be a wild place far from civilisation. And it feels like it. There are people (someone's got to give quests) but they're either explorers, exiles, or strange native creatures.

These may seem like rather pedestrian observations. I bring them up because many MMOs get this stuff wrong. Epic war zones have maybe a few dozen NPCs battling but otherwise seem unaffected. Far-flung regions have just as many towns as the heart of civilisation.

Getting this stuff right provides a sense of place, and of progress (level-wise and story-wise).

Living World

I enjoy GW2's Living World episodic content. From a story and setting perspective it gives the world a sense of history and progression.

From a gameplay perspective it adds new content... and often a lot of content. Whole new zones are added. I have especially enjoyed Season 4's zones, which feel as richly developed as the normal zones.

Style and Polish

People often talk about Blizzard games in terms of polish (even Blizzard do). I feel GW2 has a certain level of similar polish. (Whether that's still true for Blizzard games is another matter.)

The art style is gorgeous and consistently applied from the grand stuff like character creation screens and loading art, right down to little touches on the UI. This consistency isn't exactly a key selling point but it does speak to a certain craftsmanship.

When you jump in the water, the lower part of your HUD gets "splashed" with drops in GW2's signature "inkbrush style". It's part of the transition animation from land to water skills. A tiny touch that is illustrative of GW2's attention to detail and consistency in style.

Wiki

Similar quality can be seen in the official GW2 Wiki which is informative, tidy and (as far as I've seen) complete. It's good to be able to look with confidence at a definitive source rather than look over a handful of fan MMOs trying to sort fact from speculation.

Conclusion

So... I like Guild Wars 2.

It's been the perfect MMO for a casual player like me. It respects my wallet. It respects my time. It offers variety, solid gameplay, and a comforting world to visit. It seems to have been made with real love.

Thank you to the people who made it. You should take pride in the countless hours of entertainment and joy you've given to me and so many other players across the world.

If you've stumbled across this and are thinking of playing, know that GW2 can be played for free. Why not give it a go?

#guild wars 2 #gaming #mmo #review

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undercovermcdfan · 7 years

Note

Travlyn. Where did they go on their honeymoon?

title: Life on overload (must we make aspectacle of love)

pairing(s): travlyn

summary: people always said their lovewould burn out too quickly; travis was delighted how wrong they were.Honeymoon. MCD. Travlyn

a/n: I know this is a question, but Ilike to answer it with a fic. So, thank you for letting me indulge in myfavorite thing!!! Writing sappy stuff for my otp. Basically, the run down isthat this takes place far in the future and I’ll keep it very very vague howmany years down the line. Inspo song is Overload by John Legend ft. Miguel

warning(s): vague adult humor, fluff, textbookdiscrimination

day two

“It’s a quite… um, a fixer-upper, I suppose?”

He laughed, resting his hand on the worn woodenstructure—otherwise known as his childhood home he spent oh so many years in.The hike from the main village hub to the dinky cabin hidden in the forestedmountain top of Enki’s island normally didn’t take long, but between supplygathering to drag up and Katelyn near fighting with merchants to simply sell them the supplies extended thehours that would normally take from the port to his old home. “Quiteoptimistic, aren’t you,” Travis mused, throwing her smile, “But I know thisplace as well as I know myself—there’s a reason I had us drag up so much stuff,love.”

Katelyn sighed. “We had to be a weird kind of newlyweds,” adjustingher pack, a smile appeared on her lips as she stepped forward, “I never eventhought of marriage, much less the idea of rebuilding my husband’s old home asa honeymoon but here we are.”

“Here we are…” he softly repeated, looking at the homebefore him. Nostalgia weighed heavily but also other, more complicated feelingstoo. For all the years spent here, to return felt almost damning—to hismother’s wish, to the curse this place one held on him, a symbol of isolation,a symbol of close-minded mentality he was chained to…

But there’s warmth, like a kindling fire, of the memories itkept. He took in a deep breath of the mountain air and Katelyn lock their fingerstogether, nudging slightly. “Travis, are you going to give me a tour of yourhome? Or are you going to be a terrible host and make me wait here?”

He laughed, pulling out a key from his pocket and stickingit in the door. As it flew open, he turned to her. She walked forward,intending to walk past but he held up a hand— before her questioning gaze meethis spirited glint, she found herself being lifted, legs and back supported asshe gave a surprise “What the—“

“Our house, love,” Travis grinned, taking a step in, “You mean ourhouse.”

She snorted, her arms wrapping his neck as she rolled hereyes, “Don’t you think it’s a little cliché for me to be carried in?”

“If it’s a cliché, it means there’s some sentimental valueto it, my dear.”

“Sentimental and you do go hand in hand…” she hummed,pressing her lips against the curse of his jaw, “Just because we’re married,don’t you dare treat me like your damsels from your romance novels?”

“A damsel? No. I’m just actualizing a promise I made tomyself,” he chuckled, ticklish from her slow-moving lips and hmm sound of consideration. “So where doyou want to go first?”

“Our bedroom would be nice.”

He raised a brow, smile turning devilish. “Interestingchoice, my dear.”

Her cheeks flushed, “I just want to see the state of what I haveto sleep in! Lucinda given us some potions to help with the cleanup….” Hisexpression didn’t fade, and she averted her gaze, burying her face against him,her voice muffled, “And… Travis, we’remarried.”

“I know,” he whispered, “it’s amazing.”

“Quite. And there’s certain things I should expect,” shesaid softly, “we walked for hours to get here, dragging so many materials—all Iwant is a nice bath and you at this very moment, but bath is unlikely and we’renewlyweds. So…”

“…we’ll check the bedroom first, love.”

She smiled.

day 16

The house was coming along nicely.

Though, Travis admitted that he lost his touch withmaintenance—he grown soft in his years of fighting and living in Brightportwith Katelyn—, the house wasn’t as bad as condition he was expecting.

For starters, the home was smaller than he remembered. Withall the books that took up space already and the ones they brought, it was evensmaller. Two rooms, a single bath,not quite stylish like the homes within the village at the bottom of themountain but it had a humble charm to it. Their calloused hands welcomed newblisters and roughness from work, patching the holes and replacing rotted woodas they slowly cleaned within.

Thank Irene forLucinda, Katelyn would often mention as she sparingly used the potionsgifted from the witch herself as a house warming/wedding present. The potioncontained the ability of restoration of non-magical and non-living objects, andthe potency was above average thanks to it being made by… well, Lucinda. Old furniture, damaged by theyears and weather, restored to almost new as well as a quick and lazy fix up ofthe rooms that require more than just a basic knowledge of home repair.

They officially moved in by the second week, the kitchenbeing stocked and fixed up to his own liking and Katelyn’s indifference. Theyrotated between the inn room that was a midway spot of their home and thevillage, slowly bringing more and leaving more.

Katelyn insisted they set up the second room, his old room,as his studio. She left her training dummy in an unoccupied corner of the home,with her murmuring about making a proper place once the weather thawed and theycould hire somebody to build. They ate dinner at sunset, slept with a warm firecozying their room and waking in tangled limbs, laughs and morning-breathkisses.

He’d would often catch her in front of the mirror, appearingat her appearance and long hair—it grown out since the last time she cut it,and knowing the look she held, she felt it was long overdue for another.

“It’s a hassle to clean,” she sighed, as he brushed herhair, “There’s never enough warm bath water to get through it all.”

He hummed, running his fingers through the curly softness.

“It’s efficient. And signifies a fresh start, you know,” sheleaned back to him, glancing up with a smile, “What do you think?”

“If it makes you happy, I say go for it.”

She softened her look, shutting her eyes as she said, “A conwould be this not being necessary anymore.”

“Mhm.”

“No more practicing your skills at making subpar braids.”

“True.”

“What if I cut it all off? Not shoulder length, chin or evenup to my ear,” she pushed back her hair from her face, glancing up, “All gone.”

“…well,” he grinned, pressing a kiss to her forehead,“Anything you choose, I guarantee I’ll be a sucker for. I got quite the biasfor you, love.”

Her smile widened, reaching up and letting her fingerstrail, shutting his eyes as she chuckled, “Stop that.”

He laughed. “You cannot silence the truth, my dear!” Heleaned down more, arms wrapping around her waist, and mercilessly, started hisattack of kisses.

“Oh my Irene,” she squirmed slightly, half-heartedly tryingto push him away but she succumb to strangled laughs that escaped and loudsnorts as it rolls into a genuine one.

Safe to say, she did end up cutting her hair but not to thelevel she suggested. Smiling, she turned toward his waiting form by thedoorway, expectant look as she waited for him to voice his thoughts.

“You look adorable.”

She rolled her eyes, then proceeded to twist a lock aroundher finger. “Thank you…” she patted space beside her, grabbing the scissors,“So what about—“

“Suddenly I remembered this very important thing I had todo!”

“It’s only trim! Travis, come back—Travis, I promise it’s just a—“ her laughsechoed through the house, as he ducked out and she, indulging in the chase,followed.

Day 28

The village tolerated his presence—realizing he was going tostay a while. Though they were thankful for the tyranny of the Demon Warlocksuddenly gone away and acknowledged, finally, Travis must’ve done somethingabout it… prejudices don’t suddenly evaporate.

“I’m sorry,” a shopkeeper said, with a genuinely apologeticlook, “But a… you know. You both are my first costumers and I wouldn’t like totempt the fates with, um, bad luck of you making a purchase.”

Travis’s face was trained pleasantness, smile and a soft“Oh, of course.” started already on his lips but as per their routine, Katelyndidn’t let him finish. Her eyes darken, and though the merchant towered her, heseemed to shrink under her gaze.

“You superstitious fool,”she grabbed the coin purse from Travis, “it is way too early for this amount of idiocy. Bad luck? Bad luck.” She scoffed, her voice goingfrom amused disbelief to mumbling as she walked around the store, collectingwhat they needed. “Every time I think this village isn’t so bad, people like you remind me it isn’t so.”

“Ma’am.”

“Don’t you talk to me,” she snapped, “I can’t promise what Imight do if you say something and I find myself getting offended again.”

Travis watched from the door way, awkwardly glancing fromKatelyn’s ranting to the frightened merchant—and he felt his smile go from fauxpoliteness of a friendly half demon to genuine and affectionate smile of aloving husband.

She slammed the money on the counter, not looking back or caring if she paid him too little or toomuch. The merchant didn’t call out with a correction, watching in stunnedsilence as the furious woman walked out, head held high, face etched with anicy calm expression.

He asked if she wanted him to carry the items she forcefullypurchased.

She shook her head.

He would like to say, this was a rare occurrence but twohours didn’t go by before Katelyn was reminded of his status within thevillage.

“You can buy here but it…”

“He’s one of the good ones, but still…”

“I’m sorry but it knows the rules and I sell these products to customers.”

Katelyn always gave her threats—one more word and they willfeel the wrath of Irene’s top general and they never tempted further. Sometimeshe’d ask if she was okay, and she was an honest person, she never did answer;she instead gave a complicated look, sadness and anger wrapped in exhaustion,maybe whispering to him a “I love you, Travis.”

When they return to the inn that became a second home andgreeted with wide smiles of a kindly older women who ran it, Katelyn collapsedon the bed with a groan and hugging the pillow close. “This place is hell,” shewhined, muffled against the pillow, “I use to think O’kasis deserved that titlebut no—this is hell.”

Travis chuckled, settling at the edge of the bed and hereached out for her hand. She accepted his hand readily, giving him a smallsqueeze. “You know you’re pretty hot whenever your threatening forty-year-oldbigoted merchants.”

She moved the pillow, enough so she could squint at him, agaze of ‘you’re unbelievable’ conveying perfectly at him.

Travis shrugged and thumbed the back of her hand, smiling,“I’m being honest. I can think about… two occasions where I wanted to kiss youmore than right now.” He pressed a small kiss to her knuckles, “I love you somuch.”

“I love you too,” she said back but there’s hesitation toher voice. The anger died and replace by sadness, sorrowful and almost pitying,as she softly continued, “You’re a good man, Travis. I didn’t question why youwanted to come back here but…” she smiled, interlocking their fingers, “I’llfollow you and remind you, stubbornly so, I love you more than thisIrene-forsaken island could ever.”

He laughed. She chuckled.

“I know. I know, and… I might not always speak up, I doappreciate what you do,” he softly said, leaning closer and she scooted, makingroom on the bed. He tossed the pillow aside, and she reached up, gentlytouching his cheek, “I can’t change their minds immediately… but that doesn’tmatter with you here. It doesn’t feel as scary anymore.”

They kissed, softly and comforting; her hand cupped the backof his head and his trailed down her side, squeezing her thigh.

When they pulled away, she whispered, out of breath: “Wait—Iforgot to send out our letters.”

He groaned, leaning his head against her shoulder, “Do wehave to go back? I was hoping to go home tomorrow.”

“And we will—but I promised to send updates to Liochant andthe others.”

He pouted.

“You could sleep in while I do that. Then I’ll come back andwe’ll go home together.”

“…I’ll come with,” he sighed, giving a small peck under herjaw, “Might as well check on the Doc; I didn’t get a chance today anyways.”

She nodded, running her fingers through his hair and shuther eyes. “Mmhm, we should invest in horses.”

“We should.”

“I’ll ask Liochant to send over some more money from mysavings.”

“And that he should come for a visit,” Travis chuckled, “Imiss that kid and the way he just… his anxious way of functioning.”

“Be nice,” she laughed, tugging at his ear, “Liochant isn’ta kid; you could learn a bit of manners from him, you know.”

“I’m good.”

“Sure you are,” she rest her cheek against the top of hishead, “You always are.”

Day 57

Katelyn rubbed her abdomen, quietly looking out the window;her legs crossed and blanket draped over her, she watched the pounding rain asrain roared outside. She could hear Travis in the kitchen, setting up theirdinner—he insisted making the curry Liochant sent a recipe for, and though thethought of rice was making her sick, she smiled at his enthusiasm.

He didn’t know.

Not yet, at least.

The doctor stated she was at least two months along. ButTravis thought she wasn’t feeling well, tired from debating whether they shouldexpand the home—he insisted it was fine for now, even though more and more itgot cluttered; she insisted they needed more space, though keeping her reasons why under lock and key.

In their living room, paintings hung all around—some ofherself, of himself, of both, and smaller ones of their friends but the largestby far was a woman with long, curly white hair, green eyes calmly looking downat her as her face, eyes and freckles familiar, a reserved smile and modestdress was worn. A painting made from memory, tears and he stubbornly draggedalong with them, fretting over with their trip to Enki’s island.

Six years. Many failed attempts and tears, a painting ofTravis’s mother.

He told her he could always do better, but she doubted heeven believed that—it was breath-taking work, and the years spent on it shown.She loved it as much as he did himself.

Cradling her drink, she found her mirroring a smile at thepainting, softly saying: “It’s been a while since we last talked. I have somegood news.”

Day 198

She attempted to get up but before she could make thetall-tale sign of an attempt, he was already at her side, flustered and smilingas he insisted she should sit while he get her more tea.

Lucinda, amused, shook her head and Aphmau laughed. Isabel,on the other, looked absolutely fascinated; eyes darting from Katelyn toTravis, she watched as Katelyn quietly thanked him and he beamed, pressing aquick peck to her forehead.

“I know we always joked about it, but…” Lucinda trailed, offas her eyes followed Travis’s disappearing form, “I’m honestly surprised he’staking to this fatherhood thing better than we expected.”

Katelyn chuckled, blushing, “Well… He has a good heart. AndI always suspected this was something he was looking forward to.”

“How do you know?” Isabel piqued, tilting her head, “BecauseI was out of the loop with Travis being anything like that.”

Katelyn, tucking her hair behind her ear, sat up a little asher hand placed on her large belly—“Twins,”Lucinda said the moment her eyes laid on Katelyn, “Boy. He really doesn’t makeit easy for you.”—and she rubbed her neck. “When I told him, two thingshappened—firstly, he cried. Looking at me, surprised and I almost thought hewas upset with it until he started sniffling, tears instantaneous.” Lucinda,Aphmau and Isabel laughed. Katelyn smiled softly, “And secondly, he wouldn’tlet go of me for the hour after, whispering Weshould go to the doctor and Oh myIrene, I love you so much. I feel like it was pretty transparent what hewas feeling.”

“Well—“ Travis’s voice interrupting them, pursued lips ashanded Katelyn her cup, “In my defense, I was kind of surprised. I didn’tthink… this would have happened so fast.”

“But it did.” Aphmau pointed out, cupping her chin with agrin, “And I’m going to be a God-mother.”

“Hey, who said you’re going to be the god mother!” Lucindaretorted, “If anything, I’m the obvious choice.”

“Well, Lady Aphmau istechnically a God…dess, and a mother. I feel the irony would be a missedopportunity.”

Travis and Aphmau naturally laughed, while Lucinda sputteredat Isabel’s point. Katelyn shook her head. “I missed this,” she softly said.Travis squeezed her shoulder, pressing a kiss to her temple.

“Will you be saying that for the next week?” he whispered.

She rolled her eyes, looking fondly at her friends.

“Maybe a week is pushing it.”

“I bet three days.”

“I’ll give it four, I’m generous.”

Day 302

A boy and a girl.

Their ruddy complexion and tuffs of pale blue hair,yelling with lungs they definitely inheritedfrom him and short temper from her.

Hughes was bit clingier than his younger sister—if he wasn’theld while awake, he’ll let anybody know of his displeasure. Luckily for him,his father was perfectly alright with spoiling him like so. Eponine was quieterbut that didn’t mean she was less trouble; her hands grabbed whatever it could,always hungry and particular how she should be held.

Sleep was more of a fantasy for the two of them.

But between their exhausted yawns and half-dazed way offunctioning now, there wasn’t a moment of regret.

“Look, Hughes, it’s your mama—“ Travis said, smiling wide ashe angled the way he held their son, purple eyes landed at her and the baby letout a gurgled sound. Katelyn, smiling, waved back at Hughes attempts to reach out.“Isn’t she lovely?” He cleared his voice, making it a higher pitched andsofter, “Gee, ma, you look absolutely radianttoday.”

“In your sister’s puke and unwashed hair?”

“Of course! You’rethe prettiest ma ever.”

She chuckled, rolling her eyes. “I feel like you’rebuttering me up.”

Travis smiled, kissing their son’s forehead as said softly, “Don’tquestion our son—he has a point, love.”

“Hmm, I have the sneaking suspicion you fed him some lines.”

“How dare! He expressed those thoughts, independent of meand my influence,” he laughed, walking over and settling down beside her, “he’s asmart cookie, Katelyn.”

She hummed in return, resting her head on his shoulder. “Of course.They both are. Fussy, stubborn but smart—like their parents.”

“Just like their parents,” he whispered, resting his headagainst her.

But peace doesn’t last long. Hughes, taking in a deepbreath, let out a powerful cry suddenly—and being startled awake, naturally,Eponine joined in the crying.

They both sighed. “I guess that was nice while it lasted.”

day 364

“I feel like…” Katelyn started, biting her lip, “staying alittle longer wouldn’t hurt.”

Travis straighten, looking up from Eponine and his mouthagape. “What.”

“Just a little bit. Until they’re strong enough to travel bysea… they’re my kids too, and I fear my sea sickness could’ve spread to them.”

But her face gave it away; with a light flush and avertedeyes, it spelt something else out.

But he let it go, with an “Of course.”

day 640

Hughes continued to lean against his mother, as his sisterdarted away—awkward steps which Travis matched, worriedly hovering over hisdaughter’s escape.

Safe to say who inherited what. She rubbed soothing circles,humming an old hymn to calm her son’s nerves. He gave a small whine and burped—shefelt pity for the small boy.

Eponine, on the other hand, was like her father; naturallytaking to the sea— with a shout of utter glee as she near falls but Travisscooping her up before any damage could be done. Normally, Travis would beenjoying himself; but between a ill wife and son, and a daughter who thoughtescaping their room was an appropriate game, he could see his nerves beingfrayed.

Hughes’ skin, darken to a greyish skin tone, eyes moreintensely purple and small bumps otherwise as horns protrude from his head. Hedidn’t like his demonic form, Travis explaining that it must’ve left him drainsince it naturally didn’t come to either of the kids unless they were upset.Hughes wore a teary-eyed expression, wiggling closer and closer, as if hismother could ease away all his pain and her heart ached at this gesture as shedid best she could.

Maybe the move was a bad idea, she wanted to say.

But she been away from her responsibilities for far too long—andthough they put love back into their home on Enki’s island… both agreed thiswas the right choice. Travis wouldn’t allow his kids to grow up in such a toxicenvironment.

A knock at their door pulled her out of her thoughts andbefore she could ask who it was—a familiar face throws it open and the form ofannoyed Zenix, curious yet at eased Vylad and the culprit who opened the door,Laurance, smiling at all four of them.

Eponine immediately had her arms outstretched, a gleefulreach for Laurance who laughed and walked over to Travis as Zenix shut the doorand Vylad approached her, all giving hellos.

“I felt like you two needed a break. We’ll be in Brightportin a couple of hours—so…”

Travis gave a relieved smile, whispering a quiet thanks butKatelyn hesitated. “I don’t know… I got this. Hughes prefers me to hold him, itseems.”

Laurance furrowed his brows, “I would suggest taking himwith you but…”

Travis looked at her and she bit her lip, rubbing her thumbagainst her son’s forehead as he weakly whines “Mama…”

“Maybe you three and Travis could take Eponine up; she’dprobably like watching the seagulls and stuff.”

“I wont go,” Travis said, and Laurance nodded. Taking theirdaughter in his arms, he smiled as he softly asked her, “Do you wanna see somecool clouds, Nina? You been cooped up here way too long.” She giggled, thenreached over to Zenix. Laurance laughed, handing her to Zenix, who gave his ownsmile and with that, all three left.

Travis joined her on the bed, one arm around her shoulderswhile the other hand rested on hers that laid on Hughes’s back.

“How is he doing?”

“He’ll live, but…” Katelyn frowned, “I’m so sorry,sweetheart. You just had to get my seasickness, didn’t you?”

“I suppose sons really do take after their mothers.”

“Especially him,” she chuckled. Travis pressed a kiss to hisforehead, then her temple. From the corner of her eyes, she could see his formshift; horns start to show, sharpen teeth and purple eyes gave way. Not hisfull form—they realized, a bit ago, it distressed the kids in ways they didn’tquite understand but for now, Travis kept way.

“It’ll be over soon,” he said reassuringly.

“Mmhmm,” she smiled, shutting her eyes, “Soon you’ll seeUncle Liochant, Auntie Isabel, Mama Aph…”

“Also, Alina—she’s dying to see you again. Lilith too.”

She hummed again, in agreement. “You’ll love it inBrightport. We have such a big home—you could have your own room, if you want.”

“He probably wouldn’t though,” Travis said, laughing, “hecan barely sleep alone in the same bed.”

“And there’s no shame in that.”

“Oh yeah, definitely not,” Travis patted his head, “I mean,I sleep with your mother to this day, so I cannot judge. It’s always nicer thansleeping alone.”

She hummed again. Leaning against him, she sighed as sheshut her eyes. “Just a few more hours.”

“A few more, love.”

She laughed, shaking his head, “I hope I can make it.”

He laughed too, howdramatic he said but nothing more. Soon, she felt herself slipping intosleep; her arms empty, as Travis pry away their son, who didn’t make much of afuss beside a small confused whine.

It’s strange, almost two years ago, they left Brightportwith the intention of just spending a few months. A few months became a year.Then two. Now they returned with two children, a home left behind and…amusingly, being more in love and loved than they started.

She suppose this wasn’t quite a honeymoon, since it wasanything but relaxing and lounging… yet sincerely, she felt only fuller andhappier.

She mumbled sleepily, ”I love you.”

“Get some rest, love,” he said back but she already wasthere. Smiles on both their faces, leaning against each other as they listenedto the sway of the ocean and heartbeats.

#aphmau #travlyn #minecraft diaries #minecraft mystreet #travis valkrum #katelyn mcd #my writing #yells #this took 5 hours yall #i think i found my new fave fic #i love this sm i wish i can expand #i kinda wanna #*runs off to do chores*#anonymous

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buckybee · 7 years

Text

Once a bee learns to fly

Written for @acespnminibang

Author: ifonenight / buckybee Artist: Thette / @bold-sartorial-statement Rating: Mature Pairing(s): Dean Winchester/Castiel Word Count: 5195 Summary: Cas, ace as they come, hand makes sex toys as a job-slash-hobby, and wears things that make him feel pretty in his spare time. He’s doing well all by himself, but when a client, impalabatmobile-67, asks for a special tutorial, Cas will find himself intrigued. Author Notes: I wanted to write a story where Cas didn’t care for sex at all, but still enjoyed some things that society associate with sex. And how he lived it. Links to fic and art: FIC/ART

Mid September

The water was warm on Cas’ skin, chasing the last residues of sleep away. He tilted his head up, letting the spray hit him on his chin, nose, eyes, a last goodbye to the cozy atmosphere of his bed, and then turned the shower off, stepping out onto the worn out carpet. He shivered at the cold room - save money, save money, save money - and hurried to cocoon himself in his big towel, one of the only luxuries he allowed himself.

Mornings had always been hard for him. Waking up was really one of the worse parts of his days, which probably told something about himself he didn’t want to analyze too deeply. But alas, it had to be done.

He yawned, pulling on a soft pair of pants and an old sweater, and wandered in his tiny kitchen. Time to start the day, apparently.

Sitting at the kitchen table some time later, a cup of coffee and a snack on hand, Cas felt definitely readier to start his day. His laptop was silently coming to life in front of him, and he put his password in, lazily watching the enlarged photo of a bee appearing on the screen.

It was a nice picture, good quality and a lovely subject, and he smiled faintly at it; that had been a nice summer, the year he had taken it, mostly spent bonding with his sister and coming to terms - good terms - with his sexuality. It would always be a fond memory, captured in an almost monochrome photo.

As soon as all the icons settled on the screen he opened his browser, starting to type in the address bar - he need to check his email, couldn’t postpone his assignments any longer - but his eyes were caught by Tumblr’s little square, listed between his favourite websites on the home page.

He hesitated. He really should’ve started working on his essay, but he still had a week before he had to turn it in, and seeing how his business was doing wasn’t exactly the most irresponsible thing to do. Just a couple of minutes, ten at most, and then he would face the first, blank page of the essay.

His personal blog’s dashboard appeared on the screen, full of kittens’ videos and fandom posts, but he managed to resist the temptation and ignored them, quickly changing blog and switching to his professional one.

Dildos, lingerie, padded handcuffs, floggers, feathers, they were all there, showing up nicely in his layout. And he had had fun making every one of them.

His business was simple and entertaining, yes, if a bit unorthodox. Handmade sex-toys, not too expensive but of good quality, simple yet original, seemed to be well liked out there.

He had started making them for friends, fellow students who came to know about his art-and-craft skills by his brother.

They were the ones that actually suggested to expand his work to something less innocent than stuffed animals, only half-seriously. He treated it as a joke a first, giving a sparkling dildo to a girl as a birthday gift, making the toys funny rather than useful, but it turned out he was actually good at it and he had slowly got more and more requests, until he had decided to make a little business out of it; he had also started to offer advice and tutorials after a while, for free. He didn’t earn a lot, but it was still something, and it was nice.

Despite the endless teasing his brother subjected him to every time he saw him, Cas was quite happy with what he was doing.

It wasn’t fancy, or big, but it was a nice way to help paying for his everyday needs. And it wasn’t really demanding - he only had to do what he liked to do, and he usually found a way to include his work in his classes’ researches, and that made things pretty interesting.

His askbox warned him he had almost fifty new messages; opening it, he began to sort through them: a dozen were specific orders – mostly for dildos and collars; some were from shy anons exposing their problems with their sexuality or gender and asking for someone to listen – and he would have to answer them before the next day, as he didn’t like to leave that kind of asks lingering more than it was necessary; one was from a customer who hadn’t understood that this blog was only a catalogue and that, unless it was a custom made order, clients were to go to his Etsy, linked at the end of each toy post, and in his description, and in his FAQs, and buy his stuff there; finally, there was a request for a tutorial.

He send back a short reply to the inattentive customer, redirecting him to his shopping page, and then, curios, he scrolled up to the tutorial request.

impalabatmobile-67 asked:

hi! uh, i know this probably sounds weird, but can you make a tutorial for edible panties? i tried to make them myself but they, like, melted before i finished them, but your tutorial are always easy to follow so maybe i’ll understand what i’m missing here. i get it if they’re not your thing, don’t worry. thanks.

Edible panties. Well, that was new and he would have to do some research before giving instructions to anyone, a couple of tries maybe, but yes, it was doable. And kind of interesting, as he usually found new things to be.

Sex-aced-it answered:

It’s not “weird” at all, don’t worry. On the contrary, quite vanilla , I’d say. I will have to investigate a bit on how to make them, since it is new to me as – I suppose? - it was to you, but yes, I will make a tutorial about it.

Are you interested in underwear in general or panties specifically? And will they be for male or for female bodies? I don’t know if this will influence the product, but better safe than sorry. Were you thinking of classic candies and sweets or something else for the food? Let me know.

He checked the message again, and then sent it. He got up to make a peanut butter sandwich, taking his time to spread the butter meticulously on the bread, and took a bite while settling in front of his computer again. He refreshed the page automatically, his mind already on the essay, when he spotted a new message at the top of the page.

impalabatmobile-67 asked:

thanks man, you’re awesome. i guess underwear in general’d be fine, but my panties are for a guy. candies&sweets are good.

Before he could have done anything, another one arrived, and then another.

impalabatmobile-67 asked:

didn’t mean mine like *mine*, only that i asked for them. and, uh, can you not show my url when you’ll do the tutorial? it’s kinda personal. i probably sound like a repressed guy but my little brother is on tumblr as well and i don’t want him to see this.

impalabatmobile-67 asked:

sorry, i’m rambling. u didn’t need to know that.

Cas sighed a little and hit the ‘reply’ button again. This guy didn’t seem a jerk, only a little… lost. His essay would have had to wait apparently some more.

Sex-aced-it answers:

Again, please don’t worry. You don’t have to justify your actions with me and I’m not going to judge you. I completely understand wanting to keep your own business private. Have you already thought about the design? I could help you with that too if you’d like.

Unsurprisingly, impalabatmobile-67 answered only a couple of minutes later. He really had a piercing imagination.

They chatted for almost an hour, exchanging ideas about the shape and the size and what kind of flavors Dean would have preferred. He seemed nice, and when they said goodbye, Cas had a little smile on his lips.

Early October

“Do you have the munchies?,” Gabriel asked, and Cas could hear some sort of admiration in his tone.

“It’s for a project,” he answered distractedly, examining a licorice strip and carefully lowering it inside a paper bag.

His cart was full of similar bags, stuffed with candies. He wasn’t sure he could add them to the panties, actually, but Halloween was close anyway. Better safe than sorry.

“A project?,” Gabriel answered, amused. “For you porn blog?”

“It’s not a porn blog,” Cas answered automatically, passing the cart to Gabriel so he could ring everything up.

Gabriel snickered but didn’t press on. It was a familiar banter by now, nothing they couldn’t recite in their sleep.

“What is this project about anyway?,” Gabriel asked, giving Cas his change and rummaging on his desk, triumphally popping a lollipop in mouth once he found it.

“Edible panties,” Cas said, hiding a smile when Gabriel choked on his own spit. For all his flamboyant sexual life, his brother was definitely more of a prude than Cas himself was.

“You’d be such a perv, I swear,” Gabriel muttered, and Cas gave him a dirty look.

Gabriel rose his hands up in surrender. “I know, I know, you can be a perv right now, too,”

Cas just grabbed his bags and got out the shop, giving Gabriel the middle finger on his way out.

The ingredients were spread on the table, resting on a cheap table cloth.

Cas eyed them dubiously. The recipe seemed easy enough, but he wasn’t sure how resistant they could actually turn out to be. Or comfortable. Or igenic. Honestly, the idea of eating something that had rested on someone else’s crotch made him nauseous, but he guessed that once you swallowed what came out of a person’s genitals, you could brave anything.

He picked up his phone and shot Dean a message. They had abandoned the inbox a while ago and were using Tumblr’s messaging system now.

Sex-aced-it

I’m starting. I cannot guarantee a satysfing result though

Dean’s answers was almost immediate. Cas had warned him that he was going to try today, and apparently Dean was eager to know how it was going. He seemed very invested in these panties.

impalabatmobile-67

don’t worry 2 much about it man

impalabatmobile-67

i mean if they turn out a mess u can still eat them

Cas’ nose scrunched up and he looked down again at the table. The whole ensamble just didn’t look that appealing.

Sex-aced-it

If you say so

impalabatmobile-67

don’t u guys like sweet things?

Cas frowned down at the screen, leaning his hip against the table.

Sex-aced-it

What do you mean?

impalabatmobile-67

all those talks about cakes… made me wonder

It took Cas a moment to understand Dean’s allusion, and he found himself smiling when it clicked.

He could still go a little on the defensive sometimes, when the topic of his sexuality came up - and who could blame him, really? - but he found these sort of jokes funny, if a little cheesy.

impalabatmobile-67

im more a pie kind of guy myself

Sex-aced-it

Don’t you like cake at all?

impalabatmobile-67

oh I like cake alright at times ;)

Sex-aced-it

What was that wink for

impalabatmobile-67

like… cake as a metaphor for… someone ace?

impalabatmobile-67

nvm, it was dumb

Cas stared at his phone, the text clear on its white background. He admittedly wasn’t the best at social interaction, and social clues, in certain context, could be somewhat a mystery for him, but he most certainly wasn’t stupid.

Dean and him hadn’t started talking that long ago - a month at best - but Dean had been friendly and their interactions easygoing. And, sometimes, very clearly, flirty.

Not much, nothing over the top, just a joke here and a compliment there, but it was still more than Cas had done in some time, and definitely not something he usually did with his clients.

Dean seemed nice, though, and funny, and a little cute. Cas had always had a weak spot for cute boys.

But it still was only something to put a smile on his face after a tiring day - he didn’t stop to consider the implications, because he didn’t think there would have been any. Besides, an internet romance, without even knowing what Dean’s last name was, or where he lived, or what kind of skeletons he hid in his closet - Cas was brave, and he was reckless, but he had learnt self-preservation along the way. And this? This was not something he could endorse in in good conscience.

But here Dean was, with his lame lines and flustered-looking backtracking, and Cas’ walls had never been that solid to begin with, honestly.

He had started tapping an appropriate reply when a new message appeared under the last one.

impalabatmobile-67

so are u gonna try to make them??? i’m getting old here dude

And just like that, the moment was lost.

Late October

Parties at Charlie’s were always very liberal, very queer, and almost always tipsy, at the very least.

Cas, throwing back a shot of vodka, mused that Halloween was the least probable time to be an exception to the rule.

His corpet was starting to squeeze him a little too much, and his ankles ached, but there was no way in Hell he would have given up his costume now. Well, thinking about it, maybe the shoes could go, the stockings were the important part anyway…

He tried to lift his right foot and unfasten the lace of the stiletto, but the room suddenly started to shift and here he went, falling from his heels with an empty glass in his hand and oh god please let there not be any sharp edges on his way down-

Something strong and firm collided with his chest, but it was a gentle blow, and Cas found himself staring at an illustration of a yellow bat.

He looked up, questioning, and green eyes blinked down at him, surrounded by a black mask with pointed years.

Cas started giggling.

The masked man frowned and straightened him, passing an arm under his armpits to help him support his own weight.

“Are you okay?” he yelled in his ear, trying to make himself heard over the music, but Cas was laughing too hard to answer.

The man rolled his eyes - so green - and started to drag him over to the stairs that led to the upper floor. Cas weakly hit his cheek to get his attention. “Bridal style, bridal style!” he hooted when the man turned toward him, trying to throw his leg over the man’s arms and managed only to send them both staggering against a wall.

“Dude, I’m not bringing you upstairs in my arms,” the man grunted, tugging him on the first steps.

“But I’ve been saved by Batman!,” Cas protested, gripping the man’s shoulder for dear life now that they were climbing the stairs. “I demand it!”

“Jesus, you’re really in the part of Frank, aren’t you,” the man muttered, but Cas, a little dizzy, a little nauseous, could still see the amused smile on his lips.

He didn’t remember much after that.

"God,“ Cas lamented, trying to get his coffee machine to work. The smell of beans only had already cleared his head a little, but now he needed the real deal.

"Tell me about it,” Dean’s voice said, equally roughed, from Cas’s phone’s speakers.

Charlie’s Halloween party had been hard on Cas the night before, and apparently Dean had had a similar experience, if his pained tone was anything to go by.

“I was at this friend’s place,” Cas said, finally managing to turn the machine on. The scent of strong coffee rose from it, lazily diffusing in the air, and Cas had never known a sweeter blessing.

“Did you just moan?,” Dean’s voice came, a little belwidered, but Cas ignored it.

“I guess I had a little too much to drink,” he continued, pouring himself a cup of coffee and sighing in it, inhaling the fumes. “And then Batman saved me when I was about to fall on my face, and then I blacked out.” He reverently had a sip, and had to actively force himself to keep quiet, this time.

It took him a moment to realized the line was silent on the other side.

“Dean?,” he asked, catious, and Dean cleared his voice over the static.

“Were you wearing a Frank-N-Furter costume, by chance?,” he asked, voice neutral, and Cas froze.

“How do you know that?” he replied, confused and a little scared, but Dean didn’t say anything.

“Dean?,” Cas pressed, even though he should have had hung up, turned off the phone, what if Dean was a stalker, what if-

“Do you know Charlie?,” Dean finally said, and Cas’ heart almost stopped.

“How…?” he asked, and he heard Dean’s breath rushing out of him, amplified by the speakers.

“I think,” Dean said, very carefully, “that we have a common friend.”

Early November

The coffee-shop was crowded, but not unbearably so. Cas was sitting at one of the tables, near the window, nervously watching the street. Anxiety hadn’t really kicked in, but he was still a bit tense.

Rationally, he knew that this wasn’t like meeting a stranger, nor a person he wasn’t certain he could stand, but it was a big deal for him nonetheless. This was a relationship he had invested times and energy and feelings in, and if it didn’t work… He didn’t really want to think about that option.

Discovering that he and Dean lived in the same city had been kind of a shock.

Everything that Cas had been cautious of, that he had protected himself from thanks to the hypothetical distance between them, and the net’s impalpability, had suddenly came to knock at his door. Young feelings, still fragile and new, that were slowly twisting themselves inside Cas’ blood vessels and shooting right toward his heart, hidden among blood cells and oxygen.

And what was Cas supposed to do with them?

Meeting today had been a jump in the dark, that Dean had agreed to make with him. It had made the abyss a little less scary.

Still, perhaps arriving half an hour before the actual date hadn’t been the smartest idea he had ever had, since the more he waited, the more he freaked out. He sipped his water, checking his watch; he wasn’t supposed to be there for ten more minutes. He took another gulp, and then promptly choked on it when a hand clamped down on his shoulder.

He sputtered, coughing and trying to breath some air in, feeling the light weight of fingers gently rubbing his back.

“Cas? Are you okay? Come on buddy, don’t die on me now.”

Eventually managing to breathe again, he turned his head up to see Dean smiling down at him, eyes actually a bit worried, and still so, so green, and really, Cas realized, everything could be really going to be just fine.

“Assbutt” he rasped, cautiously taking a sip from his bottle and glaring at him.

Dean’s laughter was so much more breathtaking in person than on the phone.

Mid December

“I’ve been hurt before,” Cas said, quietly, on their maybe fifth or sixth date, while they were having dinner at Cas’ place, on Cas’ comfy carpet. A sort of indoor pic-nic.

Dean watched him attentively, warm and reassuring, but Cas kept fidgeting with a loose thread on the carpet, not looking up.

“When I was young, by my own doing, trying to feel things I couldn’t feel, and later, by partners who said that they understood and that sex wasn’t a requirement when instead… it was.”

He could see Dean’s hand twitching to reach out, but they weren’t yet at a point where they could just understand what the other needed without asking, and Cas was particular about touching.

Hiding a smile, Cas brushed his fingers against Dean’s, and let him squeeze his hand in his own.

“I need you to understand, Dean,” he started, trying to make his voice firm.

No matter how happy he was with himself, how comfortable, there was always a little voice in his head that whispered to him he was being selfish, unreasonable, when he did this kind of talks. But he had built himself so much stronger than those ugly murmurs, now. Let them come. He was not afraid.

“We will never have sex. Ever. I won’t start liking it just because I’m with you, and I won’t do it just to make you happy.”

He looked at Dean, trying to see any sign of discomfort, but Dean’s face was blank. It happened sometimes, when Dean wasn’t ready to let others know what he was thinking, but it wasn’t necessary a sign of something bad.

And then Cas felt fingers drawing gentle circles inside his wrist, and relaxed a little.

“No matter how turned on you get by something, if you try to pressure me in any way… I won’t react nicely.”

Dean still didn’t say anything, and Cas smiled quietly at him, bringing Dean’s hand to his lips to kiss it lightly.

“You can get turned on, though, masturbate, whatever you need. I’m not sex repulsed, just indifferent towards it in general. Moreover, I don’t mind being in a open relationship, if that’s what you want, but we would need to establish clear rules in that case, and it’s an another whole conversation,” he added, interlacing his fingers with Dean’s. “If you want to stay with me, these are the conditions. I’m done with my speech. Now it’s your turn. Did I weird you out? I didn’t mean to.”

Dean looked at him for a couple of seconds more, and then nodded. “Alright,” he said.

“Alright?,” Cas echoed.

“Alright,” Dean said, and grinned at him with his golden, beautiful eyes, and Cas, somehow, trusted him.

Late January

“I still can’t believe I got to do this,” Dean murmured against Cas’ skin, in the quiet of Cas’ bedroom.

Cas shivered a bit at that and settled better against Dean’s chest. “Doing what?,” he asked, even though he knew exactly what Dean was referring to.

“Touching you, smelling you, hell, even seeing you.” Dean traced light circles on his covered belly with his finger, resting his chin on Castiel’s shoulder. “Are you okay with this?” he asked, loosening the hug.

Cas grabbed his arm and tightened his hold again. - I am - he answered, turning his head for a kiss.

Dean gave it to him, and Cas thought that that Heaven his mother was always talking about when he was little could be found much easier than she thought. And then distracted himself because thinking about his mother in that moment seemed really a waste of time.

When they separated, both of them smiling like the idiots they were, Cas hold out a hand and gently freed himself from the embrace.

“Wait there,” he ordered, pointing the bed. While Dean obeyed, he took an anonymous bag out of his drawer and went to the bathroom, closing the door behind him.

He wasn’t completely sure of what he was about to do, but then again, when ever had he been completely sure about anything? It didn’t matter. It was for Dean, and for himself, too, and if it didn’t work out, well, nobody would be seriously hurt. A bit embarrassed, sure, but he could live with that. Dean would have never made him feel inadequate.

He undressed, folded his clothes, and opened the bag.

He took the stockings out first, feelings their softness between his fingers. They were beautiful, white silk and lace, and he couldn’t wait to wear them.

He put them on, careful not to break the texture, and spent some moments admiring his legs. Smooth and elegant, just like he liked them.

The white panties, adorned with black lace, were next, and he shivered a little at the feeling of them on his skin. He took his time adjusting them, and when he felt like they were good, he took the neutral lipstick out of the bag and turned toward the mirror above the sink.

His lips were chapped like always, but he couldn’t do much about it. Besides, Dean had never complained.

He uncapped the lipstick, and squeezed the tiny bottle to put some on his index finger. Watching his reflection in the mirror, he applied it on his bottom lips, and then pressed his lips together to spread them on the whole mouth. He cleaned the area around it a bit and smiled at his face in the glass, satisfied.

The thing was, Cas liked to be pretty. He liked to wear things that made him feel sensual, even though he didn’t care for others’ attraction toward him. If you asked him why, he probably couldn’t have explained it, but then again, the reason behind it wasn’t that important. It was all about sensations and nerves’ reaction to stimulus or something like that.

Dean had already seen him in flimsy clothes, but it was a costume, at the time. Just a mask, not the real Castiel, just being himself, in pretty lingerie. Showing off to his boyfriend in a way he never purposely did with anyone else.

Because Cas liked to be pretty, but he didn’t really like the attention that came with it. Or the expectations.

With Dean, though? Cas knew that Dean would look straight at him, and see exactly what Cas wanted to show him.

He turned to the bag once more, biting his lips. One last thing, and then he would be ready: a pair of black high heels, sleek and shiny.

The action of putting them on went less smoothly than the others - he stumbled and nearly fell into the tub, and had to yell at Dean he was fine and not to come in - but finally, everything was in place.

Taking a deep breath and shaking his head a bit, as in to clear it, he squared his shoulder and exited the bathroom.

Dean looked up from his hands in his lap and did a double-take, freezing on the spot.

Cas waited for his eyes to roam oh his body, taking him in, searching for what he could find sexy, but they remained fixated on his face, instead, without wandering even a little bit.

Actually, Dean seemed not be breathing at all.

It would have been hilarious if Cas hadn’t been so nervous.

“Dean?” he asked, finally, uncertain.

That seemed to shake him out of his trance, and he coughed, cleared his throat, and then diverted his eyes, fixing them somewhere on the wall.

“Cas, fuck” he answered, his voice lower and rougher than usual. “This is harder than I thought.”

Yeah, that wasn’t helping his nervousness at all.

“You said you would have liked it.” Cas said, confused and a bit mortified.

Dean let out a weak laugh. “I do, Cas, and that may be our problem here.”

Cas frowned, but after a moment, it clicked. It wasn’t difficult to understand what Dean was worried about, really. Cas should have anticipated it.

He approached the bed slowly, as if not to scare Dean, and sat next to him.

“Dean,” he called gently, and Dean shot him a look, but he apparently couldn’t maintain it.

“Dean,” Cas said again, taking of of his hands in his own. “You don’t have to be ashamed of your attraction, just like I don’t have to be for the lack of mine. I wore this because I knew you would have liked them, and I also knew how you would have liked them, and done it anyway. Your erection won’t make me uncomfortable.”

Dean twitched at the word, and Cas laughed quietly against his cheek.

“Stop worrying so much,” he said, kissing the side of his mouth. “You won’t hurt me. I promise.”

“I just,” Dean said, but didn’t continue.

“You just?,” Cas repeated, nudging him, with his cold nose against Dean’s neck.

“I just don’t want to do something, without meaning to, and scare you off,” Dean finished, looking at the ground.

“Oh, Dean.” Cas grabbed Dean’s face in his hands, gently, forcing him to look at Cas in the eyes. “Let me lead, okay? I promise I won’t let anything bad happening to us.”

Dean’s eyes were still doubtful, a little afraid light shining in them, but he nodded, and Cas released him.

“I feel good like this,” he said, taking back one of Dean’s hand, putting it right on his legs, on the soft fabric of the stocking. “I wore all of this as much for you as I did for me. Will you look at me, Dean? Tell me how pretty I am?”

Dean took a deep breath. “You’re always pretty, Cas.”

Cas stand up, letting go of his hand, and moved in front of him, between his knees. He put his palm under Dean’s chin and tilted his head up gently. Dean finally, finally, met his eyes on his own.

“Tell me again, like this,” Cas ordered him softly, smiling. Dean stayed still for a moment more, and then, surrendering, he slowly, hungrily, let his sight slide all over Castiel’s body. Cas felt it like a caress all over him, tender and butterfly light.

Once Dean’s look had reached his feet - and he had gasped loudly - his eyes met Cas’ own again, and they were dark and full of heat. “You’re beautiful.” he said, voice rough and full of awe. “So fucking beautiful, Cas.”

“As you are, my love,” Cas murmured, and letting himself be laid out on the bed, admired as a work of art, he thought that, yes, no matter how much it took for him to reach this point in life, it was well worth it.

July, years later

“Sam,” Cas groaned in his phone, blindly patting around on the bed to wake Dean up. Dean grunted and swatted his hand away, cocooning himself against Cas’ back, warm as a stove. Cas tried to roll away but Dean sneaked an arm around his middle, lightning fast.

“I hope this is important, Sam, it’s eight a.m. on a Sunday.”

“Sorry!,” Sam exclaimed, excitedly, not sounding sorry at all. “But I think I found an investor for your shop!”

Cas abruptly woke up, finally managing to disentangle himself from Dean, whose protest was apparently to slobber all over Cas’ pillow.

“What?,” he asked Sam, putting a pair of pants on and quietly exiting their bedroom.

“Yesterday I went to this corporate party,” Sam answered, talking one mile a minute, “and there was this very rich european lady who I somehow ended up talking about your project and she was really interested in it!”

“Somehow?,” Cas asked, distractly, heart pounding.

“Well I may have done some research before the party… But who cares, her name is Bela Talbot, ace as fuck, very kinky. Loves your idea. I’ll drop by later to explain everything?”

“Yeah,” Cas mumbled, still dumbfounded, and the line went dead.

He felt Dean padding into the room and then hugging him from behind.

“Everything’s alright?,” he asked, voice deep from sleep.

And Cas’ face broke into a smile, toothy and huge. “Yes. Alright.”

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27 notes · View notes