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dre6ming · 2 years

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Actors on Actors

The delicate beginning rush

Austin x singer/actress fem reader

Masterlist <all chapters here>

Instagram photo dump masterlist

Pairing: Austin Butler x singer/actress fem reader

Warning: none

Plot: you and Austin get to be a part of the series Actors on Actors with Variety and you talk about both of your careers and his upcoming movie ‘Elvis’

Word count: 5630

Disclaimer: everything fake

Intro

Y/n:

Growing up I was surrounded by the magic of Elvis Presley, I would listen to his songs and watch his movies all the time. You know even as a young girl I was immersed in his craft and then learning more about him, finding out how much he borrowed from black culture was a big thing. How did that play out in the movie? Are we going to see some of that? Because I don't think he would've been as successful or would've found his own voice had he not seen those gospel musicians in church. Because Elvis loved gospel music so much as well.

Austin:

So true, he did love gospel and jazz and blues, you know. He curated his own sound based on that and he was living in a time when those artists that he loved so much didn't really have a voice, because of their skin. But he did, he had that privilege, so he was able to take this beautiful sound, that not many people, back then, paid any mind to, because of who was singing it. He took that and he made it into a phenomenon. So Baz wanted that the be very clear and he wrote it beautifully in the scrip, I-I hope people like the way we brought that to screen. Because Elvis was in awe of that culture and it was crucial to his success.

*video montage intro*

Y/n: *nods towards him and smiles*

Hi Austin

Austin: * scratches his beard and smirks*

I'm so happy to be here with you today, truly.

Y/n: *blushes*

Aw, I'm so, so honored to be doing this with you! I was gonna ask what was it like being a kid and living next to Disneyland? I've never been there, but I've always dreamed of going.

Austin: * fidgets around with his rings, looking down*

Oh that's a good first question.

Y/n: *laughs*

Because it would've been the only thing that I thought about, if I were in your place.

Austin: *giggles*

Um that's crazy though, that you've never been to Disneyland.

Y/n:

It's like I would've skipped school, I would've- So what was it like?

Austin: * shakes his head in disbelief*

I did, I did... so my, um *licks his lips* my mom homeschooled me for a couple years in elementary school

*y/n giggles in the background*

Y/n:

Oh ok

Austin:

And so she would just say and even when I was in elementary school. She would say: hey you wanna take the day off school and just go to Disneyland

* y/n audibly gasps*

Austin:

She was the most fun mom

Y/n:

Aw oh my goodness

Austin:

So we would just go and we'd ride Pirates of the Caribbean or something like that

Y/n: *swoons*

Oh, god what a lucky kid.

Austin:

That was, a lot of my childhood, was wrapped up in that

Y/n:

I'm so jealous, I never did anything like that with my mom, I grew up in Brooklyn and I loved it, I really did, but the most fun I had around there was going to this old record store. And when I was really young, I used to come home from school, go into the shop and the owner and I would just listen to lots of old records. *laughs* since I didn't have any money you know, *Austin nods smiling* Frank, the owner he, he introduced me to so many of the classics and quickly Frank Sinatra, Aretha Franklin, Elvis, they became some of my favorites.

Austin: *hums*

That's beautiful, but I still can't believe you've never been to Disneyland. *shocked*

Y/n: *shakes her head*

I actually never went out of New York as a kid

Austin: *adjusts in his seat*

Wow

Y/n: *leans a bit forward, adjusting the neckline of her dress*

Yeah, no, my, my parents worked a lot, they also didn't make a lot *shrugs* , so for vacation we would just visit Coney Island for a day in the summer time.

Austin:

What about now, what's like your favorite vacation spot, I'm sure you've been on few.

Y/n: * crosses her legs*

I haven't actually, besides traveling for work, I haven't been on a vacation. Growing up in a middle class house hold, made me very self conscious about how I spend my money and I guess paying for a vacation is something that makes me a bit uncomfortable, even if I can afford it now. But I'd love to go visit Scotland.

Austin: *licks his lips again, listening carefully*

Oh I'd love that too, I've never been either

Y/n:

What's your favorite vacation spot?

Austin: *looks around deep in thought*

Ugh, I think Florence, Italy, I've been there, a few years ago, before the pandemic and everything, it was so beautiful, I stayed over at a Vineyard, it was so amazing.

Y/n: *pushes her hair behind her ears*

Still I can't move on, like I would've been all day: take me to Disneyland

Austin: *chuckles*

I'm gonna take you to Disneyland

Y/n: *gesticulates*

Can you? Take me to Disneyland! Please!

Austin: * laughs *

It'd be so much fun, let's go

Y/n: * holds her hand up*

I know, I want to go, pinky promise!?

Austin: * extends his right hand and intertwines his pinky finger with hers*

Pinky promise! You know I'm always curious for people who didn't grow up around Disneyland, If it would make them feel as nostalgic as it makes me because every time I go to Disneyland I feel like a kid again.

Y/n:

Ooh, that's interesting, probably it would, I don't know, I loved and still love Disney so much.

Austin:

Yeah

Y/n:

By the way, you looked absolutely phenomenal in the first Elvis trailer, I can't wait see it. Ugh

Austin:

Oh thank you

Y/n:

I was really blown away and as someone who's now, you know, stepping into the music industry and being creative that way, seeing another fellow actor, go that way for a role it's just made me... I ...I was- I was amazed, I was impressed. Watching you go into this character and have the stamina have the presence, the spirit, the essence of what I, you know, grew up looking around at, looking at Elvis, but bringing it and making it your own is no small thing. I have yet to play a character that requires me to do that kind of change but it must've been, it must've been difficult I, I imagine. And you had to play Elvis as a teenager tapping into that kid-like spirit, all the way to his passing.

Austin:

Mhm, that's *pauses* that was one of the challenges of it.

Y/n:

I was gonna ask you...

Austin:

We're shooting it out of sequence as well

Y/n:

Okay

Austin:

To lock into each period of time and know where you are spiritually and emotionally, in every moment because one day we're shooting 70s and the next day it's the 50s and then he's 19 or you know.

Y/n:

Did you did, you have to do a lot of , you know, cause I saw even with just how his physicality was, his body changing as he aged and got more mature from that teenage boy to the man we knew. Was there a lot of prosthetics? Like what was the physical transformation like.

Austin: *clears his throat *

Initially Baz, when we started working on it, he said we could film it in sequence, so we thought ok well I can take a break and I can gain the weight and do that, but then with Covid and everything the whole schedule got turned upside down *y/n hums listening closely* . So we ended up, working a lot with, you know, finding the subtle ways that you can age. A lot of that was, I had a movement coach named Polly Bennett that was amazing and she was great at working from the inside-out and that, that was the way that I knew how I needed to approach it. And so we could work on how your body changes with time when you start aging and he's performing and there's lots of movement, you know, I wanted to ask you, cause you did professional dancing for a while, cause towards his fourties' he started expecting a lot of pain and I felt that completely.

Y/n: * breaths in deep *

Yeah so for my first ever job, for the "50 shades after" series I had to do professional dancing for 3 years and I don't know if I ever expected the toll it would take on my body. Even though I was so young, I was 11 when I started and at 14 when I finished I had to go into a lot of physiotherapy, because my muscles and my joints, just hurt so bad. And even now I have to be extremely careful with the way I move around because I get this extreme back pain and my muscles get locked in, it's it's really not that great so yes sports is great, it's healthy, but performing and dancing are very different from just doing sports and it requires a lot of engagement from your body. I swim a lot now, to keep myself active and I have to watch myself when it comes to doing stuns on set.

Austin:

What's like the hardest stunt you've done

Y/n:

The hardest one wasn't necessary physically hard, but I needed a day to recover from it. So Amelia, the character I play, her death is mysterious she falls or she jumps from the rooftop of her high school and we had to film that and I'm extremely scared of heights and yes I was in a harness and there was a huge mattress at the bottom, but it was still so scary to do and I was so afraid of it and during the time that I was falling I would tense my muscles so bad that the next day I just had to take a day off because I couldn't, I couldn't get out of bed, because I had contracted my muscles so hard, it sent me into a fit of pain. How about you, how did you recover from the physical effort? Because I imagine that everything you did took multiple takes as well.

Austin: *looks concerned*

It, It definitely was challenging from many many points, I- I was always in the gym trying to keep myself fit, but I definitely did have days when I felt like my body would give up on me, but I pushed through somehow I did.

Y/n:

And did I, did I understand it right? That you actually did the 68 comeback performance first, that that was your first time in full Elvis costume, right? How was that?

Austin: * scrunches up his nose and takes a deep breath *

Oh my god that was so nerve-racking *y/n giggles smiling* because I had a year and a half before that point to prepare. And suddenly the moment of truth is here, where are you gotta go out and all the preparation is, it's for nothing if you don't get it right within action and cut.

Y/n: * nods approvingly*

Yeah, yeah

Austin:

And so before walking on the stage I had the terror that, what if I'm not good enough or if I go out there and I fail everybody? And my carrier feels like it's on the line in this moment right...

Y/n:

*whispers* I'm so sorry

Austin: *breaks a smile*

But ,you know, I thought of Elvis and the way his career was on the line back then and he had terror and so I could end up just living in that and realizing that fear isn't the enemy in that moment and that if you use it, is the same energy that he was going out there with and started channeling it into the audience. *he absentmindedly points around*

Y/n:

Mhm, yeah

Austin:

And then you see somebody in the audience really genuinely smile and then somebody else laughs and a girl blushing when you get their energy and you have the rapport with the audience. You actually performed live on stage with Taylor recently, right, did you feel that? Do you connect with people while they're in the audience? Do you feel the energy of that?

Y/n: *laughs nervously fidgeting with her bracelet*

Yeah you, you feel it all and you know Taylor Swift fans, they're just, they're so passionate about the music you're playing to them and it was my first time ever performing a song in front of an audience and nonetheless a song that I wrote, so I was so scared before I went out there and started singing. *Austin looks in awe at her* I was trying to talk myself up, but I was so so nervous and I almost had a panic attack and you know Taylor was there trying to calm me down, but nothing actually calmed me down until I was in front of the audience. I started singing and I saw people resonating with my words and with my energy and the way they were mirroring my feelings * puts her hand over her heart* it was truly just magical it's all I can say.

Austin:

Right, beautiful song by the way.

Y/n: *mouthing thank you*

Austin:

Yeah I was listening to it on the way here and in a weird way, I relate to it. Before Elvis I was in a place in my career where I felt like "at this point I'm about to quit acting". Because nothing out of what I had done until then really felt good enough for me to still stay in the business. My career, I never felt like it took off or anything so listening to you and Taylor saying about this fear of going out of style and becoming old I've been there and I felt like that. So what was the writing process for you?

Y/n: *looks up thinking*

Hmm... Well I was doing the background vocals for the re-recording of Red in January of last year and one day I came to the studio and Taylor was there strumming the guitar singing "nothing new" . But she only had the first verse and a few bits of the chorus and she wanted to put the song out because the fans had been expecting it, she had teased it before, so now she had to put it out and after listening to the bits that she had written I asked if I could take the song home and try to write on it. *snickers * Which was very bold of me, because I had never done anything like that before and it took me like two days to feel confident with what I had written, because I finished it the night I came home with it, but it took me some time to actually get the courage to show it to Taylor. And for me I didn't personally write from the perspective of someone who feels like their career is in jeopardy or they are going out of style. I wrote from the perspective of someone who feels like their youth and innocence are in jeopardy.

Austin: *picks at his chin, tapping his foot against the floor*

Do you feel pressure of having to grow up faster than you're ready to?

Y/n: *sighs looking at her hands, cracking her knuckles*

Yes I do! The media puts that pressure on me and on girls in general. A week after my 18th birthday I stumbled over this article on the Internet *whispers covering her mouth playfully* it is a dark place everyone should be wary of it, *speaks normal again* but I couldn't help myself and I, I opened it and I read it *pauses to breathe* and someone a man, a man well in his 40s, had written about me. It was an article wishing "happy birthday" to me, followed by the question: when will I play characters *stammering* characters who perform adult scenes on TV ? Will there be a "Fifty Shades of Grey" remake with me as the protagonist? Would I be down to film those kind of scenes and how soon should fans expect to see that from me. *hands shaking*

Austin: *leans forward taking her hands in his*

That's horrible

Y/n: *breaths*

And I don't know I felt just so humiliated and ever since then every few weeks articles like this pop up. I sat to close next to a boy, I looked way too comfortable with a guy and people start throwing around things like: am I dating? are we getting some action? feels so dehumanizing and it makes intimacy feel so filthy.

Austin: *pulls his chair closer looking her in the eyes*

It shouldn't feel like that, I'm a man, so in a way I've never experienced that part of media. But my past relationships have. I hate how easy people strip artists of their work and reduce them to a product. I watched "Reconstructing Amelia" three times so far and I have to say, you're performance was incredible.

Y/n: *sniffs breaking a smile and squeezing Austin's hands*

Thank you!

Austin: *gives her a toothy smile*

What was the preparation for that role like?

Y/n: *sits back in her chair adjusting her dress*

I read the book 1st of all and then it wasn't much that I needed to prepare for. I related to Amelia to a T, I also was bullied back when I used to go to public school and I felt how mean kids can be and I definitely felt pressured to do certain things to fit in, never things like what Amelia had to, but her story is meant to just shine light on something that's so big, that's so talked about , as well , but still it's so ignored and people just look over it you know.

Austin: *nods bouncing his leg up and down *

You also got to work with Orlando Bloom and Emily Blunt, what was that like?

Y/n: *tilts her head*

They're incredible and I'm sad that I didn't have more scenes with them because of the way we filmed the movie, we have the present time and the past time. The past time being Amelia's point of view, things that are happening at school with her private life and there's not that much interaction between her and her mother or her father and so I didn't really get to bond or work with them too much. There was also Covid that kinda of kept us separate but they both made a point to reach out to me and be supportive and give their advice and I got to see them at the Oscars again and talk to them for longer than I got to through the whole process of filming so that was great. *laughs*

Austin: *starts clapping*

I wanted to congratulate you for that, it was well deserved

Y/n: *blushes and tries to hide her face with her hands*

*Austin laughs at her silliness*

Y/n: *gets composure and clears her throat*

Yeah I - thank you! I can't even say that it was a dream of mine to win an Oscar. I... I have this thing where I don't even dare dream certain things because even doing that feels like too much for me, but it is nice to see my work being paid off in such an honorable way. But the list of nominees was huge and there were many talented names on it. By no means do I believe I'm the best out of all of them, but I am happy to have taken the award home. I am!

Austin:

I was rooting for you the whole time

Y/n:

Where you?

Austin:

Yeah.

Y/n:

I'll make sure to do the same for you next year and circling back to you, you sing in this movie, right? Was that the first time for you singing in a movie? What was it like, trying to sound like Elvis?

Austin: *blushes*

So flattering to have you say that, thank you, I’m excited to hear what you think after you've seen the movie. * scratches the back of his head* it was my first time ever singing in a movie or in front of anyone other than my mother or close friends. I worked with vocal coaches, because I have a similar tone to Elvis's voice but I had to work with it in a way that wouldn't hurt my voice, but I haven't seen the movie or anything other than the trailer and I don't know how it ended up sounding. I did a few tracks for the movie soundtrack, that will be coming out, but I haven't heard much of those either so I don't really know how it ended up sounding but I'm, I'm hopeful.

Y/n:

When did you first fall in love with music?

Austin:

I can't remember a time when I didn't love music. I got my first guitar when I was 12 and since then I couldn't put it down. I'm not shy about playing an instrument around other people, but my singing voice has always been an insecurity of mine because I never felt like it sounded good, so it was a challenge to break out of that shell. I think my love for music and for Elvis, as well, helped a lot there. How about you? How did you come to love music and song writing? Because you write a lot of songs and you have a song coming out soon.

Y/n: *crosses her arms over her chest*

I've always love music also and when I was eight I begged my parents for a guitar as a Christmas gift and I received one, but when I asked for them to take me somewhere I could learn how to play guitar that's where they drew the line and said “no”. So I had a guitar sitting around in my room for a long long time and I decorated it with Hannah Montana stickers. *Austin laughs clutching his stomach* Then I got casted in "50 shades after" and Jamie Dornan, who plays Christian Grey, is an amazing guitar player and I asked him if he could teach me guitar. Also my character, Phoebe, is a pianist, in the series and I asked if I could actually learn how to play the piano and the studio paid for me to have piano lessons and that's how I learned piano and guitar at the same time and now I also play the ukulele and I'm learning violin.

Austin:

Amazing. *mumbles the word “beautiful”*

Y/n:

And then songwriting... I've always kept a journal, always and I used to write these poems in it. Then I got to work with Taylor and saw how her poems were brought to life by the melodies she composed and I thought: is that something I could do? And now I have a song that's coming out and I'm excited about it.

Austin:

I'm excited about it too.

*both laughing*

Y/n:

You said there's a soundtrack coming out for the movie, I'm guessing Baz Luhrmann is on the production of it. Tell me more about him. What’s Baz like?

Austin:

He's incredible

Y/n:

A director with whom I hope to work some day. Meeting him at the met gala was so surreal, he's so nice and he had so many wonderful words to say about my performance in previous projects that I have done and he seems like such a wonderful human being and I wonder what was it like to work so closely with him. Were you a big fan of his before? Because I've always loved Romeo and Juliet ever since I first watched it when I was 10 and I adored the directing of it. Was there something in his style of directing that surprised you?

Austin:

I often say he is the closest thing to a jazz musician when it comes to a director, you know, other directors they are like classical musicians they have specific directions and notes you follow. Then you have Baz who does so much homework and his team does so much work and you have a year and a half to prepare for this thing and you show up to work and he says “ I just re-wrote this entire scene last night” and you're like a deer caught in the headlights because suddenly you have to re-learn what you've been doing for a year and a half and he has this freedom to him. He had this thing that he used to say on set all the time, that we are all a big family and there's no place for fear in art.

Y/n: *nods listening closely*

Wonderful, I hope I get to experience that one day.

Austin:

I really hope you do, he really brought me out of my hiding, I was so shy and he took me and turned me into this rock 'n roll star. But it was mostly about finding my sound, I didn't want to be just an impersonator, I wanted to do justice to the person and Baz played a big part in achieving that.

Y/n:

Was it hard finding your sound? To make it be like Elvis's?

Austin:

I worked with multiple vocal coaches, over the course of two years, trying to find my sound in Elvis's music. I hope we did it, as I said I've only heard what it's played in the trailer so far. But the sound became more fluid and a lot more easy to get into when I got to actually do it and be there in action, it was like when you finish school and you’re finally are in the world trying to show to everybody what you've been learning. What was it like for you to match your sound to Taylor, to sing backing for her?

Y/n:

I also worked with vocal coaches prior to actually going in the studio with her. It was my first time ever in a studio when I recorded with her and I was so emotional over it because somewhere in the back of my mind I think I always dreamed of becoming a singer and finding my voice around Taylor was the best thing I could've ever asked for. Her and Jack Antonoff are so supportive and so understanding. I have a very similar voice to hers if I try hard enough we almost sound identical which is part of why she wanted me to do the background vocals for her , but I have this thing where I can get into a higher vocal range than her and she can go very low where I can't and so we complement each other in that sense and it works very well, but I think I'm still trying to navigate my sound. I hope with future projects I get to play with my sound and adapt it to myself even more.

Austin:

Well I can't wait to hear more of your singing.

Y/n:

Thanks

Austin: *rests his hands on his knees*

I also had this amazing experience when we were recording in Nashville there was this old wooden church where we recorded some of the gospel numbers and there were 30 people there and I was the only white guy and I felt so out of place. But the moment they started singing and they just let it all hang out, I felt so welcomed and so privileged to be a part of that and I got to enjoy gospel music for eight hours straight and it was so beautiful how they transitioned from one gospel to another so smoothly. In that moment I really, really understood what drew Elvis in about those kind of sounds and music. I felt this electricity in my body and I always went back to that feeling when performing my scenes and every single time I didn't feel like that, I knew I was off so I always tried to go back there mentally to get myself into character.

Y/n:

That sounds beautiful. I had that for of the confrontational scenes I did as Amelia. I watched hours and hours on YouTube of female actresses having these raging screaming matches on the screen and I took note from that and from the feeling of how frustrated I felt for them. I was like these are fictional people on the screen and the feelings of rage and frustration that they are making me experience, I need to be able to do that and so I would just before we would do a scene where I have to fight with someone I would go back and watch some of those scenes that I loved so much. Actually there's one that makes me laugh now thinking back but there was that scene of Zoe Saldana in "Avatar", that rage she felt and betrayal, in the way she literally send it home to you through the screen it always touched me and I tried to do that.

Austin:

You were doing it. I'm here to say you were, there were times watching you do these scenes where I felt like I wanted to fight with you, on your side.

Y/n: *placing both hands over her heart*

Aw you have no idea how much that means for me. But what else did you do in order really buckle down and focus on the role?

Austin:

*mumbling* I'm so interested to hear your take on this *clears his throat* So during Elvis I didn't see my family for about three years because I was prepping with Baz in Nashville and then we flew to Australia and I had months where I wouldn't talk to anyone and when I did all I could think of was Elvis

Y/n:

Wow

Austin:

And so I was trying to do everything like him, my voice, my accent, my laugh so I don't think it was very enjoyable to talk to me anyway. I would talk to my sister and she'd be like

Y/n:

Austin what are you doing?! *laughs*

Austin: *also laughing*

Yeah yeah oh my, at first it angered me a bit, but with time I think I understood her. What about you, was there anything you did?

Y/n:

Yes I unfortunately also went into a period of time where I didn't talk to anyone for months. I went into this spiral, into this very dark corner of my mind and I- I was forced to pull myself out of there because I was not doing very well. I'm thankful to have people like Timothee by my side. He saw the signs of depression and then came to the rescue because I don't know where exactly the line between me and the character I was playing got so blurry that I couldn't feel it anymore. I was lost in this person who wasn't me, but was becoming me. So I don't think I was ready for that kind of method acting.

Austin:

I can definitely say that happen to me too. I got lost in Elvis, but I had Baz, who at the end of the day would always call me aside and be like: just go home and be Austin. I didn't listen every time, but sometimes I did and that helped a lot.

Y/n:

You also started acting very young like me, I watched you on tv many times, on Disney and Nickelodeon. What's something you took from those acting days and brought into the way you work now

Austin:

I'm sure you know what I'm talking about, but as a kid surrounded by adults who are telling me, teaching me how to work in front of a camera I just was so disciplined and I had this desire to be perfect and that's definitely something I carried with me. I'm not sure it's the healthiest thing though.

Y/n:

Oh I know that all too well *chuckles* I'm also a perfectionist, my whole life I've been one, it's not healthy, it gets the job done it gets rewarded, but it's not healthy for you as a person to always raise the stakes higher and higher and make the standards sometimes unachievable

Austin:

Sometime ago I watched a Ted talk where they talked about the difference between shame and guilt. I thought: how can I put that into acting. As I do with everything. Difference is shame is "I am a bad person", guilt is "I did a bad thing" and every single time I felt off I would just say to myself "I'm a bad actor". It was never about "I did a bad scene" , my craft was off, you know I always took it so hard upon myself but in the end what even is bad in art...

Y/n:

Right it's so subjective.

Austin:

So I'm working on just getting to free myself up from that, that weight we put on ourselves.

Y/n:

Well this has been such a crazy day, I'm so happy to have done this with you.

Austin:

Pleasure is all mine and I look forward to talking to you a lot more, I'm so grateful we got to do this today.

*they both stand up and hug each other*

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sigmastolen · 9 months

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It's Repotting Day!

aka i am Literally So Normal about my african violets

(for reference here are the Before pictures)

elmyra got the most work done today—i divided her 3 crowns into separate pots. allow me to introduce, l–r: elmyra prime aka big elmyra (henceforth just "elmyra"), little elmyra, and baby elmyra. they're all super leggy rn, not sure if that will change now they're separated and no longer have to compete with each other. you will notice baby elmyra has moved into little sister's tiny pot- she will be moving into little sister's old spot on the suction shelf as well.

pinky was business as usual, but i do think i managed to get her sitting straight in her pot for real this time! her neck (now buried) has like a 90° angle in it, it's so dumb. pinky, elmyra, and the brain all got graduated to tall 4" pots bc they are big girls and also bc pinky and brain's cheapie purple outer pots were well and truly finito.

side-by-side like this you can really see the color gradation in the brain lineage—l–r, brain, little sister, and baby brain. little sister moved from the tiny pot to a short 4" like little elmyra and baby brain, bc she was super rootbound and she deserves it. you can see her foliage is more compact than baby brain's though, because of the tiny pot. after her current flowers, she probably won't bloom again until she matches baby brain's sprawl. i actually didn't do anything with baby brain today—she moved into the big pot relatively recently, so i'll leave her alone until next winter. you will note brain looks intensely leafy in this photo; it was incredibly difficult to cram the soil into her pot at the very top bc of how many fucking leaves she has. pinky was a little hard, too, but brain and her children are on another level.

the propagation box also got a restock, although not with nearly as many leaves as i removed (intentionally and un-) during today's operations. i only added 4, because there were already 4 growing in the box; the rest i regretfully (read: catholic-guiltily) threw out bc honestly i already have more violets than i can handle.

the ferns also got new soil and big fern moved into a tall pot as well bc she was also super rootbound and i want her to continue to grow large and luxurious. not that i really have space for her to luxuriate in—

—as you can see, my shelf situation is ridiculous. it is cantilevered out from the windowsill and as such has a visible downward slant due to the weight of all the plants; i super need to figure out a bracket situation underneath so it doesn't dump my best beloveds all over my bed, and i need to do it before i can get bigger and better (and not-plastic) pots for the big girls. the elmyras are all in baggies bc i wanted to baby them after the trauma of their separation. all the others, i'm leaving to the open air bc hopefully they're all robust enough to withstand the stress of today's repotting, but if they start to look like they're going backwards i'll bag them, too (even if i have to buy roasting bags or something to even fit over brain and pinky—even in her diminished state, i could barely squeeze elmyra into the 2-gal bag, and not without tearing the mouth to make it wider).

so that was today's big adventure! it took i think a little over 2 hrs and my leg fell asleep so bad sitting on the concrete and i got so fucking cold working in the shade so the violets wouldn't get sunburned and my back hurts! but my girls all look so happy!

#vanitas vanitatum et omnia vanitas #african violet #boston fern #again: sorry not sorry abt the bathroom photos

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sunsrefuge · 2 months

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hiiii guess what. random liifa backstory-dump because I'm changing my GW2 characters code on toyhouse and he's like. the only mf with a pretty comprehensive typed out backstory :thumbsup: and i don't want to lose all of it and i want to start posting again. so !!! safekeeping it on tumblr dot com where u can all read it if u'd like to <3

there's no photos and many paragraphs. i'm sorry for how long this is in advance. this is also Still Not Everything. details are missing and it's only up to LWS4 ... i should go back and add more Personal Story time details and Heart of Thorns and such! so. technically a big WIP but what can ya do !!!

Backstory

He spent the majority of his childhood underground, knowing next to nothing about the surface or its troubles. His time was spent studying material he was never quite interested in, and picking up hobbies from his mothers, Lenna & Azzun. He was distant from his father, but close to his half-sister Rylii and twin Lusii. The year he and Lusii turned 11, in 1078 AE, they were forced to escape to the surface. As far as Liifa knew, only he and Rylii had made it out. They surfaced somewhere in the Crystal Desert, uncertain of where they were and how to survive. Luckily, it was only a few days before they encountered Sunspears, who ended up offering them food and then shelter after hearing their story. As the years went by, Liifa grew up on stories of the desert, and of the newly ascended Kormir, and something had finally caught his interest. He took up field medic training with his half-sister, and ended up making friends with a few training Priests of the Six. Nadia ended up his best friend, and strongly encouraged him to train as well, since he was so interested in and devoted to it. The elder Priesthood always tried giving him trouble, but thanks to Nadia and their friends it didn't get to him too much. Unfortunately, tragedy struck before either he or Nadia could ever enter their actual respective Priesthoods. During their training, they’d traveled far from the Sunspear Sanctuary, and ended up right in the crosshairs of an Awakened attack on a small town. They both did their best to defend the townspeople, but ended up being forced to retreat. Nadia, unfortunately, went missing during the attack. Despite extensive searching, both with groups and on his own, Liifa was unable to find her. Being unable to save his best friend is a wound he still carries today, but back then it also made him more determined to not lose another soul. In the midst of his grief, he met a mysterious figure, who cheerfully offered him an ancient tome. He was rightfully suspicious, but they convinced him to accept it as a gift, claiming that wouldn’t it be right for a Priest of Kormir’s to cleanse a book of Abaddon’s, and make use of the power inside for good? Of course, the Sunspears didn’t take this book lightly, even though Liifa had the good sense to hide it for a while. To them, that made it appear all the more suspicious. He was exiled from the Sanctuary, and forced to strike out on his own. Rylii was hesitant to keep in touch with him, for fear of being exiled herself, but sent some letters nonetheless. Liifa assumed a personal vendetta with Joko and the Awakened, figuring that if he hadn’t lost Nadia then he wouldn’t have made the decisions that got him here, on his own. He kept tabs on the Awakened’s movements, and stopped them where he could with some of his newly discovered magic, courtesy of the Binding. Eventually, Rylii’s line of travel lined up with the Awakened. He got there in the middle of the battle, desperately searching for his sister as he feared losing her how he lost Nadia. He finds her fatally injured, but still alive. Without considering the consequences, he draws power from the Binding in order to aid himself in healing her - he’s successful, but not without unforeseen consequences that will follow them both centuries later. They’re both unknowing for the time being, but the magic from the Binding creates a lich-phylactery bond, making them both effectively immortal unless Rylii was killed first. They both separate from the Sunspears, finding a place to settle in western Tyria, although Liifa’s much more taken with the ship Captain that offered them safe passage. He and his sister’s family split ways, though they sometimes exchange letters over the years, until they eventually drift apart. As Liifa gets to know the Binding better, it gets to know him better, and the demons inside taunt him with anything they can, such as what he’s unknowingly done to his sister. The next two centuries are rife with struggle and distress, and the newborn lich settles for running from his troubles instead of dealing with them.

Present Day

Now he travels the world on his own, sometimes joined by the Binding, and sometimes not. He’s got a lot of loose ends that he doesn’t pay attention to tying up, assuming time will take care of them for him, like it has with so many in the past. He makes deals in place of the Binding to keep the demons from getting too feisty, and he’s always avoided those he places the Binding in the hands of after. It always makes its way back to him anyway, whether he wants it to or not. He hasn’t spoken to his sister in years, though he’s occasionally taken the jaunt to check on her from a distance. He’s become a shadow in modern day Tyria, unaware that some of the Elonian legends he’s heard over the years line a trail right back to him. He’s always been meaning to go back. He has unfinished business with another lich, after all.

Living World Season 4

After getting stuck in Gandara with Eliana for nearly a year during the first half of LWS4, he joins the Commander's team with Eliana after Phoenix offers the duo a place with them. He becomes the team's official field medic and keeps his identity as a lich under wraps for as long as he can. (Khozzak, however, makes that very short-lived.) He's very anxious around Aurene, as his only personal histories with dragons so far has been Primordus destroying his home in his childhood, and briefly helping the Pact against Zhaitan as a favor to Trahearne. He stays close by Eliana's side, making sure that she's alright and that Ipos hasn't returned to causing her trouble. She still carries the book, after all. His opinion of Aurene takes a sharp turn after the events of All or Nothing. During the struggle against Kralkatorrik, Aurene breaks from harassing the Elder Dragon in order to kill a Branded creature that had nearly caught Liifa off-guard. Her gentle demeanor toward him after that kill, ensuring that he was unharmed, and then chirping brightly before taking off once more, did a lot to endear the little blue dragon to him. It was his first actual interaction with her, and it struck him that she seemed to keep it as brief as she could, possibly for his comfort. He's a trainwreck during the lull between All or Nothing and War Eternal. Liifa briefly leaves the team to visit his sister, Rylii, for the first time in over two centuries. He tells her nothing of the current state of the world, as her hermit home has kept her mostly out of the loop anyway, and he doesn't want to stress her out. Talking with her after so long also helps to provide clarity to his own feelings about the blue sylvari he's been accompanying. Whether he wants to acknowledge his feelings or not.

He returns to the team, and to Eliana's side, shortly before War Eternal, intending to at least attend the official funeral for Aurene and her Champion. Liifa picks up on what's happening before Aurene is even fully revived. The heartbeat-like pulse of her glow makes him run through all of his medical knowledge, before remembering how Gandara ended. He's the first to inform the group of "Of course she's still alive, she ingested lich magic!" He doesn't say it out loud, but he does hold the hope that maybe she'll have enough strength to revive her Champion as well. He tends to Eliana after she expends much of her energy to use her connection with Aurene to help revive the duo, and he's stunned by the manner of how Phoenix comes back to life. Liifa very much expected her to still be human, maybe just crystallized like how Caithe appears. Instead, the remaining life and magic in Caladbolg is used to assist her revival, and in turn, turns her into a sylvari. A living thorn of the Dream, now. Something about it makes him remember his old friend Trahearne. Assisting as well as he can while keeping an eye on Eliana's health, he happily avoids treading anywhere near Kralkatorrik. He's already narrowly avoided death by one rock-related dragon, and he doesn't feel like making it two. The duo is relieved as Kralkatorrik officially passes, and standing on the bow of an airship as Aurene ascends. As frightening as the journey had been so far, Liifa could tell in his bones that there would still be more to come. The duo mutually agrees on staying with the Commander's Team, intending to help see the Dragon Cycle through to its very end.

Icebrood Saga [WIP]

[To be continued! maybe. someday! when the backstory writing bug hits me again.]

#ok. going back to coding now that that's done.#if u read this whole thing im giving u a forehead kissie <3 #c:Liifa #c:Backstories #*sable's stuff #i DO NOT guarantee that the backstories tag will become a thing but Who's To Say...#maliac has backstory that i need to save also. so his might come about in a few days !!#ANYWAY OK THANK U BYE <3

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fleabagoflowers · 6 months

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Anna

One of the first genuine memories I have of us is knowing who you were before ever meeting you. I remember the teacher taking attendance in the first day of class and a new name popping up: Anna. Even though I didn’t remember ever meeting you, I knew that name. And in a way, I felt a certain ownership over you. When you arrived and became best friends with someone else I was immensely jealous. It was probably the first time I ever felt jealousy in my life. We eventually became friends that same year, but I still wasn’t your priority, your bestest friend. I was all but a spare, a second best friend. I knew, nonetheless, deep down, I would prevail, we would prevail and become the bestest of friends. And that we did. The years in which we were best friends were some of the most incredible of my whole life. So amazing that I blocked out who I was before them. Before you. I simply denied such a joyless existence because you were everything to me. My source of joy, comfort and inspiration, but also of approval and validation. So many times, the one thing that made me feel not like a total reject was being your friend. You were always so easygoing and likeable, everybody just loved you and wanted to be with you or just around you. And never having had that, I took some pride in having more of you than anyone else. - Enjoy her while you can, because she’s MY best friend, MY person in this world, in the end she’ll always turn back to me. - And our ordeal was perfect for the time it lasted. But then, it started to dissipate. Slowly, but steadily like thick smoke. You got a boyfriend. I remember the exact feeling I had when you told me. Dread. I knew that nothing would be the same after that day. And I was right, it never was. We were still best friends for a whole year after that, but I wasn’t your person anymore, he was. There was suddenly this enormously significant part of your life that I not only knew nothing about but also couldn’t take any part in. We prevailed for a while nonetheless and, after the initial shock, we fell into a lovely routine: you and me. And him. But then we graduated from school and the unescapable everyday meetings were gone and so were we. It’s funny, I always imagined I’d lose touch with some friends from school after we left it, I just never pictured it’d be you I lost. Realistically, there is no one to blame apart from ourselves. It wasn’t him or any of our other friends and neither of us are so busy that it would be an impediment to the survival of our friendship (even though you like to pretend you are that busy). We just drifted apart. Lost our connection. It seems you just don’t care that much and I’m too proud to admit to you that I care this much. This made rethink our whole relationship. Maybe we never had that much in common. Looking back I actually don’t think we did. I overly obsess about things so quickly and you are casual about every single interest you ever harboured over anything. You’re very much into your looks and establishing a social media persona that you deem worthy and you judge people so much and therefore expect people to also judge you as much as you judge them and I want to remain as far away as possible from this type of twisted perspective on interpersonal relationships. I was never really comfortable opening up to you and yet you loved to dump your problems on me. It feels like everything you do is so effortless and you’re such a natural and all I ever do is try, try and try. I always imagined you and I would remain friends forever and in 10, 15, 20 years would look back at our life together and rejoice in it and be able to tell everyone how we’ve known our best friend for over 20 years and how cool and exciting and movie like that is, but maybe what will happen is we’ll both separately remember each other and, in 20 years when looking at old photos of our time together, we’ll wonder what went wrong and what would have happened if we’d remained the number 1 person in each others lives like we were for the most marvellous years.

#words #<3 #love #friendship #writing #original story #stories

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oodlyenough · 2 years

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hmmm finished the first episode of new tales. i've been more or less unspoiled and have been avoiding any particular spoilers. here's a reaction post for posterity, lol

so far I feel like the game is a solid... B-. it's better than the worst promo clips, but it's not yet spectacular in any particular way. there are some funny jokes, and probably at least twice as many unfunny ones, lmao, but such is a borderlands game i suppose

i like anu a lot, even though i think her acting is probably the hammiest. it works better in-game than it does in isolated clips, IMO. also the inherent concept of her character is just likable, lol. ALSO... lesbian anu? she got teased for having a siren thing, phuong AND stapleface are both into her... hope there's more there lol

i also like phuong. i assume we see more of her later. i was disappointed we left her behind so quick.

i don't mind octavio and louie but they do kind of flip back and forth for me on the charmingly pathetic to just pathetic line. so tbd i guess.

similarly with fran I like some of her stuff and then they'll blindside you with classic gearbox borderlands uncomfortable sexual humour... is she octavio's surrogate mother figure or does she want to fuck him? PLEASE pick one of the two and not both. jesus. i want to say it's nice that they have a fat disabled bisexual woman but i find gearbox often rides the line with these kinds of characters where it can feel like the punchline IS "hahaha she's horny AND she's fat [or autistic or otherwise weird or whatever the case is]"

so far the choice mechanics are kind of oblique... i both do and don't like it. there's some times (like breaking sponsor bot) where i "make a choice" without realizing in the moment it's a choice, which i suppose is uh Realistic or whatever but (like with sponsor bot) can be kind of annoying

other stuff:

i was spoiled for the fact that sasha and fiona got a namedrop but sasha and rhysha got a much bigger presence in ep 1 than i expected. i sent the photo "on a vacation" and was gratified by rhys freaking out and by the fact that apparently i was right about fiona being the missing one in bl3?

aside from that rhys' writing is uh. not great. and i mean that fairly literally, in that there are actually bits I like, and then other bits that I do not like at all. but whatever lmao. i guess i'll assume he had a nervous breakdown because sasha dumped him.

the animation is not very good...i mean it's about on par with Telltale's, but so many years after Telltale that it seems kind of embarrassing. i don't thin animation makes or breaks a game and I don't expect naughty dog level animations from a bordylands game, but this game needs all the help it can get

the voice acting like all of gearbox's stuff is hit and miss

it's cool what they did with lor. i can't think of any other characters you see transition during their series. (I'm sure some must exist, but I'm not familiar with any.) i wonder if he's just a cameo in ep 1 or we'll see more of him later

ep 1 took me a few hours, so this game may take me longer to play than I anticipated. who knew. i'm not NOT enjoying myself, but I think borderlands no longer being my primary fandom is acting as a comfortable buffer

#new tales from the borderlands #bl spoilers #borderlands

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aregnier21 · 2 years

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Using what you have

Art can sometimes come off as pretentious and showy with large installations and canvases the size of walls. People often think that in order to be a good artist you have to have the highest quality of paint, brushes, and other materials, but that isn't necessarily true. While it might aid in the creation process to have high quality materials, it is not essential. This carries over to subject matter for artworks as well. While you might not be in Paris, France sketching the Eifel Tower, there are many other things in your vicinity that you can sketch The world around us has a vast amount of synthetic and organic inspiration that can be utilized at any time.

An artist that displays the true organic creation of art is Andy Goldsworthy who is a sculptor from the UK. Goldsworthy uses the nature around him to create temporary art pieces that decompose over time. Some of his works include fallen leaves, rocks, sticks, stones, and even the manipulation of ice. If you have the chance I would suggest watching Rivers and Tides: Andy Goldsworthy Working with the Time. It is a 1hr 34min long documentary on Andy Goldsworthy and his art and I think about it a lot. Excuse my photo dump, but here are some of his artworks that are stunning.

^^^ THIS IS ICE!! ^^^

Seeing the Possibilities

There are many ways to utilize the space around you and use objects that are readily obtainable to create art. The earth is very organic by nature and also geometric by nature. There are plants that grow geometrically and look very similar one plant to the next. It can also be found in beehives with the hexagonal honeycombs that the animals create. The way people cut grass in an back and fourth fashion and even the way houses are built along streets all follow some sort of geometric pattern.

Organically speaking, the earth also grows and creates based on the recourses available and the treatment it faces day-to-day. Trees are a great example of this, because they grow according to how much light and water they receive, as well as soil and air quality. Reefs are similar and grow depending in the conditions they are in.

Utilizing nature and man-made patters, or lack there of, can be a great source of inspiration and ideation for artwork. Speaking of using what you have, I would like to introduce still life artwork. In my experience, still life has a bit of a bad wrap to it, and its understandable to see why. They have this sort of stereotype to them where you have to paint bowls of fruit and glassware perfectly. This used to be the case because it helped with learning techniques of painting. The citrus peels were for the artists to display their upmost talent in painting because peels are hard to paint. That being the case, if you don't want to paint fruit and glass then use every day items! I'm talking like your favorite plushy, a tennis racket, a funko pop, an old flip phone, and maybe even your furry friend - if they will sit still for a period of time - and put all the items in front of you. You can either lay them out in a line or build them up like a triangle and go crazy! There are a large amount of textures that can be found using these everyday items that are often overlooked.

Tip of the Post

One way to spark creativity is to draw random everyday items. My friend recently sent a page of their sketchbook to me, and I though that the idea was so big brained that I would like to share it with you. They took a random object generator and for every object they got they drew a thumbnail of it on the sheet of paper. They continued to do this until the entire paper was filled and it created an amazing piece of artwork in the end.

Burnout

Burnout can often be a response to the overwhelming feeling and expectation to go big or go home when it comes to art. It makes the artist feel little to no ambition to create any type of art and inspiration plummets. Slowing down and reacting to the space around you instead of composing a grand piece can often be beneficial and can limit burnout. It is okay to work simple as long as you are doing what fulfills you.

#collage art #art tips #art style #artists on tumblr #art #artwork #original art #concept art #illustration #drawings #painting #photography #insperarional #insperatinal #geometry #geometric #organic #art supplies #burnout

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bokutosbabe · 2 months

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It's Nice to Have a 'Friend'

( soft launching with the haikyuu boys )

a / n — these are fun to make so i thought i'd do one for my favorite boys. find the blue lock version here !!

content — haikyuu characters x gn! reader, takes place during timeskip, fluff, tried to make it as gn! as possible, but the photos have women, lmk if i missed anything!

synopsis — soft launching with the haikyuu boys <3

✿.｡. “ sun sinks down, no curfew, ” .｡.✿

has a great following for being 'aesthetic' even though they rarely try. most things they post have photos of things they've done in the week like pictures of their food or them working.

their followers are used to aesthetic photo dumps with 10 photos each that have no rhyme or reason to them, so when they get online and see a post from their favorite account with only 3 photos and the caption

" my love " with the song 'my love mine all mine' by mitski attached? there was immediate reactions, some trying to find out who this mystery person is while others seemed to be happy with just these little snippets of the relationship.

theyluvmeee: OMG?? anyone know who this is??

↳ anon2001: it's a soft launch for a reason. that's like- common sense i fear.

they don't think of themselves as a 'content creator', they just like posting their photos. however, they did like how much strangers on the internet would stand up for them and your relationship.

°❀⋆.ೃ࿔*:･ AKAASHI KEIJI, ennoshita chikara, ARAN OJIRO, daichi sawamura

has a decent amount of followers, mostly just people they'd known in high school and family, but there were a few hundred people who followed for the cute quotes that they would post before one of their chaotic photo dumps.

their usual feed was filled with the first picture being a quote that really made you think and then the craziest pictures. them face down in a puddle after a night out? yep it's there. pictures of them at a scenic dog park? also there

people began following them for the stark contrast that showed in every post they made, but when they posted something with no quote and it was a soft launch? their fans had immediately blown up the comments.

volleyballfreak: A SOFT LAUNCH? with who? omg.

and they had replied to almost every comment asking just who you were with...

' my lover <3 '

oh he was down bad.

°❀⋆.ೃ࿔*:･ YAMAGUCHI TADASHI, aone takanobu, SUGAWARA KOSHI, osamu miya, NISHINOYA YUU, kita shinsuke, TANAKA RYUNOSUKE

so so so sooo many followers (that came with being a professional volleyball player you supposed) many people who didn't even enjoy volleyball followed them because of the silly stuff they posted.

their fans watched their stories where they would post memes and such, something that many pros didn't do on the daily...because they had a reputation to upkeep. to be fair, all of their followers never knew them to be the brightest, so nothing they posted caused up a stir.

until they posted photos they took with, what was supposed to be, some mystery person with the caption ' a soft launch on MY minecraft server ? '

and it would have been an AMAZING soft launch...if they didn't tag your PERSONAL ACCOUNT on every. single. picture.

you weren't a pro volleyball player, you weren't an actor, you weren't even a manager, nope! you were just some normal person who lives an everyday normal life.

they had the spirit, just not the execution, but that's why their fans (and you) loved them <3

°❀⋆.ೃ࿔*:･BOKUTO KOTARO, atsumu miya, HINATA SHOYO, KANJI KOGANEGAWA

didn't get a chance to soft launch you before the paparazzi put out the tabloids of the both of you. the titles always saying something like "STAR VOLLEYBALL PLAYER WITH MYSTERY LOVER??"

the article was posted ten times over on every single social media platform there was, with many people with many different reactions replying to it

MSBYmomma: ur joking. he's literally mine

goofgoob: thank god one person on this team is in a loyal relationship.

the two of you hadn't even gotten the chance to open your own social medias before hundreds of texts invaded both of your phones. only from the people who knew of your relationship and were worried about the both of you.

so what did they do? reposted the photo on their story with two simple emojis...

"👍❤️"

°❀⋆.ೃ࿔*:･ USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI, kageyama tobio, OIKAWA TORU, sakusa kiyoomi

✿.｡. “ twenty questions, we tell the truth. ” .｡.✿

i love soft launches and haikyuu <3

likes, comments, and reblogs are appreciated!

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bluedalahorse · 1 year

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Does anyone else ever post their unfinished fic excerpts?

I was talking to @frogprincesnowglobe about unfinished fics from like, Fall/Winter 2021 last night, and then I showed her a little bit, and then she peer pressured me to post an excerpt. And I was feeling brave. SO I AM GONNA POST IT.

Some notes as to how this all came to be:

In summer/fall 2021 I’d just seen YR and it took over my brain. Because I’d been exposed to a lot of verse novels at grad school, I decided to write a fanfic in verse where Sara dates August with the purpose of going “undercover” and getting revenge on him. But these are teenagers so also some ~complicated feelings~ happen along the way. But also, there is a kind of revenge. I do love a good revenge narrative.

The fic I mentioned above Sara’s POV (and I did finish it and post it) but then I decided to do like a B side fic from August’s POV? That’s what this excerpt comes from. It’s in prose, because I also have been known to write prose.

Even right after season 1 finished, I was fairly certain that Sara and August were going to have some sort of romantic relationship in season 2 and he was going to fall in love with her and be absolutely swooning all over her in an unexpected way, so I kept trying to write that out to see exactly how it would play out. In the scene I’m posting below, she has just dumped him, and it’s totally upended his emotional world and he is very sad.

Eventually this fic was supposed to culminate in August turning himself in, though it wasn’t being dumped by Sara that was going to cause him to do that, at least not on its own. There were going to be Many Factors involved.

August griping about his stepdad is never not amusing to me.

Another plot point in this fic is that once upon a time, August’s mom and the queen had a secret sapphic relationship when they were teen girls at Hillerska. And now that’s all coming to the surface as the family tries to contain the scandal of the video and everything.

Anyway, I find this snippet of fic to be a SUPER interesting relic of like, my interpretation of August as a character right after I saw the show, possibly before season 2 was even announced. No, I don’t know why he’s the easiest character for me to write. He always has been, though.

Anyway. There’s not enough of the fic to make it an AO3 one shot and some of the canon is now contradicted anyway. I’m going to put the snippet behind a cut, because it’s long and because I know not everyone’s personal choice is to read August POV. That’s valid! But it’s here if you’re interested in reading more/seeing a glimpse of how I wrote before I de-lurked in the fandom.

After Sara leaves, August is a silent, seismic column of anger. First, he texts her. His messages plead, then compliment, then insult. No response arrives. For hours August paces through the hallways of the house, drawing power through its aging frame, until he’s hot like an overcharged battery. He dreams up every kind of revenge he can imagine: rumors he could spread about secrets Sara never told him, crude nicknames based on things they never did together, photos of her he could leak online that he never took. Except, none of it is based on the truth. Not like the actual truth of what he did to her brother. Anything he does, anything he says, she can throw that back at him by telling everyone about the video and turn him in. She probably will, soon. Or she’ll try.

And then August will have to tell everyone about Simon selling the drugs.

And then Sara will hate him even more.

The energy builds and builds inside of him, sparking like Tesla coils, but it has nowhere to go. All his answers to questions from Mamma and Rickard are one, two, three terse words. More like growls. He rips up old math tests as he clears out his school bag, and doesn’t care, smashes glass bottles as he takes out the recycling, and doesn’t care. He runs and runs and runs until he’s sure he’s done something to his knee but he keeps running anyway. Then on the final day of the long weekend he’s packing to go back to school, cleaning his toiletries out of the bathroom. It’s there that he finds a cluster of Sara’s hair elastics tied together with a ribbon in Hillerska red, and starts to cry.

He hasn’t cried for over a year. The crying is sudden and violent and convulsive, battering his entire body, forcing him to double over, to brace his hand against the wall for support. There are no single, silent, stoic teardrops. August can’t stand upright anymore, and he can’t touch enough of his face that he stops it from happening, so he sinks to the bathroom floor and lets it happen to him. On the other side of the wall he probably sounds just like his Pappa used to.

The real truth, one of a series of truths: he doesn’t want to hurt Sara. He’s thought of a thousand ways he could, but he won’t, because he loves how insistent she is that animals are better than people, loves how fussy she gets over table settings. He loves the few times they’ve shown one another childhood memories, like rough unfinished rocks, and the way they found beauty in the roughness without trying to polish everything over into meaningless crystal platitudes. He even loves Sara’s nobility—a new kind—nobility that has nothing to do with her birth, that instead erupted in the fierce defense of her brother and friends that ended things between them.

So August cries about Sara, because he already misses her, and underneath that he misses Pappa and Erik too, so he cries for them the way he hasn’t, yet. He cries for his mother, for all the pain she carries and hides every day. August cries for Wilhelm, because he understands now what it’s like to have a person you didn’t expect to feel so much for. He and Wille could have been friends, helped each other through this, joked about both falling hard and fast for Hillerska’s working class misfit siblings and how did they manage to coordinate that? Except that the timeline doesn’t work out, and Wille and Simon can’t be together because of what August himself did, and it can’t work because of what August believes to be true about the order of the world. At one point, August tries to tell himself that it’s Simon and Felice’s fault that everything is his fault, that it’s their fault that he leaked the video and spent last term being a dick, except, that isn’t true either. So he cries for himself, and what he’s let himself become.

He’s still crying when his mother finds him and sits down at his side. He’s too big for her to rock but she rocks him anyway, calls him mitt barn in a way he can’t remember her doing before. But she must have done it once, because something about it feels familiar. Mamma takes the hair ties out of August’s hand, gently. She looks at them with understanding before pressing them back into his palm.

“You really love her, don’t you?” Mamma says.

August nods against his mother’s shoulder, surprised and grateful that she knows to use the present tense. He thinks he’ll just leave it at that, and not say anything more, until his thoughts escape him just like the tears did.

“I don’t know why I feel something so grown up,” he says, “But now I’m acting like a bratty little kid about it. This crying is stupid. It all hurts and it’s so stupid.”

“You’re not even twenty yet.” Mamma lifts his chin and looks him in the eye. “That’s what it’s like at your age.” As he looks away, she adds, “That’s what it was like for me, too.”

“Does it stop?” August asks.

“Not really.” Mamma squeezes around his shoulders. “You’ll learn to push it down so it doesn’t bother you. And you’ll meet other people after high school, I promise.”

She looks up at the door, where Rickard is standing with a glass of water. How long has he been standing there, August wonders? Ordinarily August would glare or yell, but the inside of his mouth and his throat feel like cracked dry earth, so he takes the glass when his stepfather offers it to him.

Everything is surreal and quiet for a moment as August drinks. When the glass is empty, Mamma asks if he’s finished packing for Hillerska, and reminds him that he’ll need to go to bed early so they can be on the road before there’s too much traffic.

“Don’t make me go back to school,” he says. “Please. Not tomorrow, anyway.”

“You’ll be fine.” Something about his request is upsetting his mother. “You need school. You’ve never missed a day in your life.”

“Why not let him, if it’s just this once?” says Rickard, as if he belonged in this conversation at all.

“There’s a practical concern,” says Mamma. “I won’t be able to drive him back after tomorrow. My schedule’s tied up until—but maybe if I move things around I could—”

“I can take him.” Rickard nods toward August. “If that’s alright with you?”

“That’s fine,” August says.

Mamma looks back and forth between the two of them, bewildered. August thinks it shouldn’t be that hard for her to understand: if he’s going to be a miserable mess anyway, he may as well be stuck in a car with boring Rickard for a few hours.

Two days later, that’s exactly where they are. Rickard keeps his eyes on the road while August stares out the window, not even bothering to focus on the landscape. The trees and fields are so monotonous it’s easy to slip out of the world entirely, to let one’s mind go blank and detach from one’s body. Every time August notices it happening, he wonders if that’s what happened to Erik: no thoughts, only metal and fuel and velocity and oblivion.

“I promise I’m not trying to replace your father,” Rickard says, interrupting August’s imagination. “But if you need to talk to anyone about what happened with Sara—”

“No.”

“I thought so. In that case, I promise not to put on a breakup playlist. Though I did search for you. They had some inspired options on Spotify.”

“No.” A fucking breakup playlist, what the fuck. “You’re so annoying.”

“At least I’m consistent.”

August hates how in a way, the consistency helps.

The atmosphere in the car changes as they hit familiar stretches of evergreen forest and turns in the road that August recognizes. Soon the austere stones of Hillerska are visible between tree branches and, in spite of everything, August feels a surge of—not power, but possibility and control, at least. It’s like Mamma says: you need school. Even if he has to see Sara there. If August sticks to a schedule, attends all his classes, stays on top of his prefect duties, keeps playing the model student that the crown wants him to be, well. If he does all that and makes it through graduation, maybe he’ll finally be able to put everything behind him.

At school, August can put his armor back on.

He just can’t pretend that the armor is his skin anymore.

#young royals #august young royals #sara young royals #sargust #i mean i guess it’s sargust they are broken up here #my fic snippets #a fandom time capsule of sorts #this isn’t meant for ao3 but it may as well live here!

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hejscandinavia · 3 months

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Hey everyone! Classes for session two finished so now I’m going to recap the past two weeks! Get ready for a post dump haha. For my study tour, I’m going to have a post per day because there was so much to see!

Well I’ll start with Sunday arrival in Svalbard! It was so cool to walk out of the airport! Mountains were everywhere surrounding this giant lake. The lake is a crystal clear electric blue with hints of green as it gets closer to shore. The tops of the mountains have several patches of snow. Most of the time it was between 30 to 50 degrees Fahrenheit. We first walked out to the main sign outside. It is a pole giving directions to different big cities around the globe. Right beneath, a polar bear watch sign. These things are everywhere AND I LOVE IT. I got so much merch with it on.

After loading up the bus, we drove to the Seed Vault. Yes, THE seed vault, where most crop seeds are stored in cause of a natural disaster! We aren’t able to go inside, but we got to walk near it. It looked a lot smaller outside. My favorite part about the building is the top part reflects the northern lights due to its glass shard design!

After taking so many photos, we went to unpack at the Coal Miners Hotel. It’s called this because the coal miners on Svalbard used to live there. Who could have guessed. I stayed with Ava on the second floor. Its was pretty good. It had two doors, with soft robes, a sink, a closet, and our beds. Our beds were SO soft.

We then had 2 hours to just roam around. The main thing was head to the “city” center to go shopping. It’s a 20 minute walk on one road. You can’t get lost. The most annoying part was it would seem so much shorter because there are no trees, but it does take 20 minutes.

Already on the walk we started to see wildlife such as barnacle geese and REINDEER! You are guaranteed to see them, at least one a day. They are so much shorter than what I imaged. They are the size of medium sized dogs. There were shedding their winter coat so they were a mix of light grey/cream and light brown. They had felt on their antlers and dark circles around their eyes.

So began souvenir shopping. So many things to buy! I ended up purchasing stuff more so for my feet. I’ve been getting really bad blisters on my feet when I wear my hiking shoes. I didn’t know what to get and we didn’t know if we were going to be shopping before the flight. So I purchased some leather/wool gloves, a patch, a sticker, a head band, and a key chain. We also went to Husky Cafe. It was super cute with, yes huskies!!! I had a poppy seed cake with tea.

After shopping, we took the bus to Camp Barentz. It is a recreated cabin of William Barentz’s crew, the first known people to arrive in Svalbard and survive a winter without previous training. We had two speakers, a French man and a German women in their late twenties. The French man was the main speaker who talked about William Barentz’s crew. During the late 1500s, the King of the Netherlands wanted to find a quicker route to Asia. He sent a group of men to go do that but had to bring back gifts from Asia. Even though the men had roughed several months in the polar night and found a new land with many minerals, the King put them in jail because they didn’t meet the requirements.

We then learned about polar bears and how to protect yourself in Svalbard. The main thing is to avoid being with a polar bear in the first place such as going out in high visibility and making loud noises to scare them off.

We learn all this over a lovely meal! We had drinks including a shot of liquor traditionally given to new comers to the island. I also got a glass of white wine. Over the fire, the German women made reindeer soup. It was really good! It’s supposed to be based off a dish created by the Sami. With it we had the best bread and butter. After that, we had polar brownies. Which means double sugar, double butter, double everything to increase the fat for winter. It was very dense but very good. Lastly, we could have either a berry drink or Svalbard coffee. They put hot coffee over the fire and dunk a BURNING LOG into it. Well it was smoky haha.

We left at 10:00 pm and it still looked like 12:00 pm. Finally, we crashed out of our rooms for the next day of hiking.

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craftherpes · 2 years

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NYC trip

Hey. I took a trip to New York January 12-16. I’m going to write about it here and link to my other social media so I can just type it out once. Please see earlier posts for photos- I made like, 15 posts to dump all the pics.

So, the inciting reason to go to nyc all alone was because Joey McIntyre (of The New Kids On The Block) was having a concert at Carnegie Hall, announced as how he was planning to celebrate his 50th birthday. If I had done nothing else, this concert would have made the trip worth it. It wasn’t the only thing, though!

So, I work nights. I finished work Thursday morning, and after a stop at home for my winter coat, I was on my way. I drove to visit some friends north of Philly, so I could leave my car with them. It was so good to see all of them. We went out to dinner (I had to do something to thank them for watching my car), which was so nice- I’ve only seen these friends once since the beginning of the pandemic, and sitting down to have a meal together made me feel so good.

Friday morning, I got dropped off at a train station in New Jersey, from where I took a train to NYC. I enjoy trains- it was a quiet and pleasant journey.

When I got to Penn Station, I transferred to the subway and dropped off my luggage (it was 2 duffles, one of which I had torn on the way). Then I took off to wander around Manhattan. I had no plans for the afternoon. I threw on my The Wanderer t-shirt (the one I embroidered the signatures onto) and went over to FAO Schwartz to find Johnny Tammaro, who was in that cast and whose signature is on the sleeve. All of his coworkers were so sweet, making sure I knew that he was around and needed to see my shirt. I also got to a few other shops, and I bought myself a new wheeled suitcase because I was over carrying duffle bags.

I went back to my hotel and checked in, caught a few hours of sleep. I got up and had a bath, then threw my Wanderer shirt back on and headed out to see Wicked. I bought this ticket when I found out that Mike Wartella (who starred in The Wanderer) was playing Boq. He was amazing, as was the rest of the cast. I cried, even though I knew the basic plot and the music. I waited outside the stage door for him, and the grin when he saw the shirt was totally priceless.

After getting a quick picture with him, I headed to RPM Underground, where I met the fabulous BlockTok crew. They were so charming and welcoming, but they’d been there for several hours, so we didn’t stay too much longer after I arrived. I had a lovely walk back to the hotel with C and her hubby D, who were also staying there. They were really awesome, and we made tentative breakfast plans.

Saturday morning was breakfast with my hotel buddies, hearing about their family, their NKOTB experiences, and sharing mine. We were going shopping together, but lost each other in the M&M store. We texted that we’d catch up later. Noon was the planned BlockTok meetup in Times Square (C and D had other plans). So I got to meet a few more of them, and after we hung out there for a bit, I headed back to the hotel to sleep another few hours and get a nice long bath.

Then it was time to get ready for the *main event*. I didn’t get a picture of my outfit, but I was very happy with the look I put together. As a bonus, there’s a really awesome acquaintance I had been struggling to maybe meet up with- guess who was seated right behind me? I was luck enough to have a really good seat- I was in one of the boxes along stage right, in the first tier. And when I say it was really good... the comparable box on stage left was occupied by Joey McIntyre’s wife and kids.

The concert was... epic. He had so many fabulous guests, including one of his sisters, his son (the talent runs in the family in both cases), Debbie Gibson, Shoshana Bean, and of course the other 4 New Kids. I can’t begin to explain what a wonderful show they put on. I laughed, cried, sang along, was silenced by awe, and touched so many times. It was amazing watching him, especially when he was trying not to cry himself.

When I left the concert, I broke off from my friends to drop my new tshirt off at my hotel. I headed back out one of the fan-run afterparties. I turned onto 7th Ave, and someone walking up behind me quickly was making ‘brrr’ noises with their lips. I was a little weirded out. The person passed me... and it was HIM. Joey McIntyre. I moved a little faster to keep up with his group and took a couple of pic of his back because my friends weren’t going to believe me. I didn’t speak to him because he was talking with someone next to him, and I didn’t want to be rude. I did turn my head at one point and realize I was walking next to Griffin (his eldest son), who wasn’t talking to anyone, so I told him that he had done a brilliant job. They crossed the street and I continued to the party.

I didn’t stay long, the party was just so crowded. So I headed out. I ended up at Krispy Kreme in Times Square and had a short conversation with some random teenagers about Broadway, Billy Porter, and the fab dresses he wears. I stopped to pick up some takeout and as I left, a pair of people, one in a NYNUK hoodie, was walking by, and I spoke to them (Can I just say I love being in a group that wears their association almost literally on their sleeves?). We walked back to our respective hotels which weren’t far apart, and while I don’t remember her name, but I told her that if she contacted me, I’d send her the one song from The Wanderer.

Sunday, I put on my ‘The Middle Ages Were Magic’ shirt and grabbed a subway to Washington Heights. I’ve been trying/hoping to go to The Cloisters for literal years. I’m a little upset that someone put it at the top of a hill- that was mean. But once I made it to the top, it was worth the climb. This is where most of the pics I posted were taken. I was there for hours, though a good bit of it was spent sitting. My feet hurt so badly by this point in my trip. But I had a lovely chat with one of the security personnel, and her insights were really interesting.

I went back to my hotel and crashed. I went to bed at about 5pm, slept solidly for about 5 hours, spent an hour setting my stuff up to be ready to leave quickly, and then slept at least 5 more, maybe 6 hours. (Can you tell I didn’t sleep a lot on my trip?)

I caught another train Monday morning and my amazing friend picked me up and took me back to her house. Then it was all long drive. I made it back in plenty of time to be at work that night, if a little worn out by then.

If I met you and left you out, I’m so sorry. I have memory issues, and I hope you’ll let me know what it is that I forgot. Also, if you have any pictures that include me, I’d love to see them.

#nyc #nkotb #joey mcintyre #concert #carnegie hall #blockheads #travel #met cloisters #blocktok

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boldlyvoid · 3 years

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Wheels Up

Characters: Spencer Reid, Reader (Y/N), Aaron Hotchner, David Rossi, Derek Morgan, Savannah Hayes, Emily Prentiss, Elle Greenaway, Tara Lewis, Jennifer Jareau, Matt Simmons, Luke Alvez

Summary: JJ goes on maternity leave, Spencer falls in love with her replacement that he's supposed to be mentoring, Emily Prentiss and Elle Greenaway work a case together that brings Simmons and Alvez in for help...

Warnings: Genius!Reader, mutual pining, idiots in love, drinking, star gazing, lots of fluff, mentions of past assault, grooming, drug addiction, spencer's trauma, Abductions, Rape, Murder (typical canon violence)

word count: 9.4K

a/n: this is for @starry-eyed-spence and @simmonsmilf CM fanfiction week, Day One: Favorite Character... only I couldn't pick just one.

To say Spencer fell in love at the least opportune time was a bit of an understatement. Everyone he’s ever come close to admitting his love to has either left him or died. Now he’s stuck with loving someone in secret, keeping it to himself and hoping that one day she’ll love him back.

He fell in love with a co-worker once again… which wasn’t the worst thing, office romances happen and it’s quite frankly all Rossi’s fault that they even had to worry about fraternization policies. The part that makes liking Y/N so difficult is that he’s supposed to be her mentor, he’s 5 years older than her, and if he was to ever make a move she would feel inclined to reciprocate in order to keep her job because that’s the unfortunate truth behind office relationships with significant differences in positions.

And worst of all… she doesn’t like him that way at all. She’s called him the brother she always needed, a best friend, the best mentor ever. She wasn’t interested in him in the slightest.

“And why would she be?” He’s said this to everyone who knew about his crush on her. “I’m old and boring and she’s so cool?”

But he didn’t get it. He didn’t understand that every time she asked him to hang back to help her file something, or when they would buddy up in hotel rooms to discuss cases all night and end up down some star trek rabbit hole instead, every time he talked to her she was falling in love with him right back.

It once again all circles back to Rossi, if it wasn’t for him, Spencer wouldn’t even know her. She wouldn’t have ever been introduced to the unit, he wouldn’t be attached to her at the hip and he probably wouldn’t be as happy as he is with her in his life. Even if she wasn’t his girlfriend.

He’ll never forget the day Rossi asked him to meet her, to help her settle in…

“Spencer, can I talk to you for a minute?” Rossi called him into his office.

He sighed, putting his book down and walking up the stairs to his office. He closed the door behind himself and smiled awkwardly, “what’s up?”

“Sit,” he gestures to the chairs in front of his desk, where Spencer pulls one out and proceeds to sit down, anxiously. “As you know, both Kate and JJ will be out of the field in the next few months to have their babies and we need to bring someone in to fill the void until they return, so I reached out to the academy to see if they have any up and coming Dr. Reid like agents that they could loan us.”

“Why?” Spencer laughs at the choice of words.

“Well, honestly, why get new 2 agents when we could have two Reid’s? JJ will be back after a month or 2, it’s better to have more brains than brawn.”

“So they found someone and you want me to be their chaperone?” Spencer clues in. “Who are they?”

“Y/N Y/L/N, she’s a wonderful agent, but she’s pretty quiet, I don’t know much about her personally.” Rossi prefaces. “She’s a genius, high IQ like yours and just a plethora of knowledge inside that mind of hers. You’ll like her.”

“Alright,” he nods. “When do they start?”

“When JJ’s water breaks, but I’d like you to meet them and maybe even have them shadow you for a day?” Rossi asks, “I’ve actually arranged for you both to get dinner at a friend's restaurant?”

“Is this an arranged date or purely business? Don’t send me in there blind,” he worries. “I need at least a week's prep before I go on a date again.”

“It’s not a date, kid,” Rossi laughs. “She's just a lot like you were when I met you, and I know from watching you all these years that it’s not easy to do it alone, so can you just walk them through it?”

“Of course.”

That first dinner Rossi set up for them was more exquisite than either of them prepared for.

They spent the whole night discussing dissertations and their independent journeys through becoming a genius. He understood perfectly why Rossi and the Academy would think she was a lot like him, she was a genius, but she was awkward. It took a while for her to break out of her shell and open up, but by the end of the night, he already knew they were going to be friends.

“So,” she smirks, “would you mind telling me honestly how hard this job is?”

“Why?”

She sighs, “I’ve heard a lot about Thee Doctor Reid and how you were the youngest hired to the BAU and all the shit you’ve been through.”

“What are the rumours these days?” He awkwardly smiles back, rolling his eyes slightly.

“That you were brain dead in a cemetery from an overdose and yet you’re so smart you came back from the dead to kill the unsub and escape…” she looks more and more disappointed in the rumour as she tells it.

His tongue hits the roof of his mouth as he opens it to speak, making a tsk noise as he shakes his head. “Well, I did OD but it was the unsubs main personality that resuscitated me.”

“Holy shit,” she whispers.

He nods, “what about you? I’m sure you have a reputation based on a rumour?”

She presses her lips together the way he always did, just as awkward. She sighs, huffing the air out of her nose and looking fed up. “I was groomed and assaulted by an older boy who then told kids I had a stalkerish crush on him so if I was to ever tell anyone what happened, then no one would believe me.”

“I’m so sorry,” Spencer knows the words don’t make up for what happened. “I’m guessing that’s why you wanted to get into profiling?”

She nods, “I got away with some PTSD and trust issues, most girls go through much worse… they deserve someone who gets it to look into their cases.”

Spencer nods. “That’s how I felt after my kidnapping too. It took a while for me to look at crime scene photos and not think about how they felt, and wonder why I lived when so many die?”

“I’ve never been a religious person,” she prefaces. “But I do believe we are here for a reason. Whether you choseto be here after your last life or this is some learning opportunity, or God is actually real? And you’re supposed to do good.”

“In narcotics anonymous, they reference god a lot, it’s helpful for the addicts, but I never get into it,” he opens up with her more than he’s ever opened up with any friend. “If my Devine purpose is to suffer in order to relate to those I’m supposed to help that’s a load of bullshit… honestly, I can get pretty angry thinking about why I’ve gone through what I’ve gone through doing this job, but it’s not as bad as what happened to me growing up, and it leads me to believe that I probably wouldn’t have had an easy time no matter how I live.”

She nods, “I know, I get that.”

“Sorry,” he snaps out of it. “I didn’t mean to trauma dump on you.”

“It’s exactly what I asked for actually,” she reminds him with a soft smile. “If you can still come to work every day, after all that, you must be incredibly strong— and if I’m anything like you the way people say I am, I guess I can do it too.”

He had no idea she would end up being his best friend.

She shadowed him just once in the office, picked up everything right off the bat and immediately made a name for herself in the unit. Derek tried multiple names on her before one stuck, and they knew it stuck when even Hotch called her Baby Genius.

She brought a different knowledge base to the team, similar to Spencers but visibly younger. She fit in with the crowds of kids they had to interview, she understood why kids reacted the way they did to trauma and abuse, and she was still a kid at heart. It was the reason Spencer fell for her.

She allowed him to feel free again. They went out together outside of work, going to events he always wanted to go to with a partner but never had a chance. She loved all the same things as him, and she takes him to places he’d never imagine enjoying before her.

Like laser tag… that was an afternoon he’ll never forget with her.

When JJ went into labour, that’s when Y/N started full time and Hotch hired Tara Lewis in the same week. The team barely had time to adjust to being undermanned before they were restocked.

Joining Spencer every morning for every case, she waited out front of her apartment for him to pick her up most mornings, sticking to his side throughout the long days and nights until he drove her home again. Even at work, they were partnered up for everything: heading to the M.E. together, bouncing facts back and forth at the precinct, playing good cop bad cop with perverts, and her personal favourite… Making the geoprofile.

And Spencer liked doing that part with her as well. Because it typically meant they were completely alone in a room, spreading out a map and leaning in close to each other as they placed every sticker and marker. Brushing hands, bumping shoulders, longing glances as they made connections… he also just liked to watch her hands move.

She was delicate and careful and precise… and he was falling in love with everything about her as the days went by.

Everyone on the team had noticed. It was really hard not to when they’ve all known Spencer for almost 11 years now. He was so different with her in his life, he was happy and giddy and dressing even better than before. His hair was perfect and he was glued to Y/N’s side. Or she was glued to his.

Even though they were mentally similar, physically they were polar opposites. Y/N wore all black and was a lot more outgoing than they expected. Rossi thought she’d be quiet… But she was constantly talking. To Spencer, to other officers, to witnesses, she never stopped talking and starting conversations, and thank god she did because she’s cracked 4 cases that way.

The biggest surprise the team learned about her happened on a case in Florida, a shooting in a local park in broad daylight with lots of witnesses meant the whole team was on the boardwalk asking questions. She went out to do her thing, talking to the local skaters, asking them if they knew anything but they didn’t want to cooperate.

They were too cool for the feds.

“Can I see your board?” She asks, “if I do some tricks will you answer some questions for me and Doctor Reid?”

“Knock yourself out,” one of the boys laughs as he hands her his board.

She hands Spencer her gun and shoots him a wink before taking off to do a few tricks. The whole team watches in awe then as Y/N showed off. Cruising along the halfpipe effortlessly like she was a professional.

“Okay Tony Hawk,” Morgan teases her, “where did that come from?”

“Skateboarding is easy, it’s just physics,” she shrugs. “I can figure skate too…”

“What do you want to know?” The boy takes his board back. “We always see some sketchy guys around here.”

Morgan pats Y/N on the back with a smile, applauding her ability to get anyone to open up before leaving her to take the statement.

“Agent?” One of the girls pulls her aside just before they are about to leave, “how did you do that kickflip? I’ve been trying to learn and the boys won't help me.”

“Sure thing,” she takes the girl's board and demonstrates a kickflip first.

“So, you see as I start the kickflip I bend my knees?” She shows her another kickflip all while explaining it. “Much like the with an ollie, I’m building pressure so I can apply it to the tail, making the board pop. The one thing that makes this trick different from the ollie is that instead of sliding my foot up, I just flick my toe out to the right of the board, by doing this, the board flips in a 360-degree motion.

She demonstrates again and it’s another flawless kickflip, and a huge smile on her face as Spencer watches her.

“How fast the board spins depends on how much force I put into it when I flick it out. As soon as the board flips in a full 360, your feet should connect and drive the board back to the ground.”

She hands the board back to the girl, “your turn.”

She takes a deep breath and shakes her nerves out before taking off on her board, looping around and carefully bending her knees, she follows every step and it’s a flawless kickflip.

“Flawless!!” Y/N claps. “Those boys better watch out, you’re a natural.”

“Thank you,” she wraps her arms around Y/N and gives her a hug, “it’s taken me so long to be able to do that, you’re so cool.”

“You’re welcome,” she smiles. “Good luck out there.”

She waves as she takes off on her board, leaving Y/N with a smile as she turns to Spencer. “I miss being that age and thinking everything is so cool.”

“You are really cool,” he agrees. Smiling softly as a blush fills his cheeks. “You’re always surprising me. Is there anything you can’t do?”

She laughs, “yeah the one thing I want to do the most.”

“Which is?”

She sighs, “maybe I’ll tell you someday.”

—

He’s sitting beside Penelope and Savannah, watching Derek and Y/N get drinks for what’s left of the group as the night drags on.

“When are you going to tell her?” Savannah asks.

“What?” Spencer pretends he doesn’t know what she’s talking about.

“You have a crush on the new girl…” she pokes his cheek as he blushes and gives it away. “Tell her, what’s the worst that can happen?”

“She could feel forced to say yes because I’m a supervisory special agent and she isn’t and she wants to keep her job so she feels like she needs to,” Spencer worries. “I want her to like me back because she fell for me and I want her to initiate it because then I’ll know it’s not just a power dynamic issue.”

“Have you tried asking her, genius?” Penelope teases. “Because if you asked her then you’d know she has a crush on you and she’s afraid you’ll turn her down because you’re an SSA and she isn’t.”

“When did you hear that?”

Penelope pretends to lock up her lips and throw away the key, making Savannah laugh loud enough to get Derek's attention at the bar. When he and Y/N return, that’s when the questions start.

“What’s so funny?”

“Nothing,” Spencer gets up and leaves the booth, walking out towards the smokers' exit at the back of the bar, getting a moment of semi-fresh air to think about what Penelope said.

“Spence?” She calls to him from the door, “are you okay? Can I come out here?”

“Yeah,” he nods. “Sorry, I needed some air, it’s nothing.”

“Do you need a hug? I read it helps the most when people are stressed out,” she plays it off with a shrug.

“So you do have a crush on me?”

“She told you?” Her face lights with fury, “what the fuck, Penelope?”

“She didn’t mean to,” he tries to cover it up. “It was only brought up because I have feelings for you as well.”

Her eyes widen, her brows raise and her mouth slowly opens as she freezes.

“Y/N?”

She blinks a few times and shakes her head, “impossible. There’s no way.”

He laughs, “I’ll take that hug now?”

She lunges for him and wraps her arms around him so tight. Breathing him in, her hands wander his back as she takes in every second if it and he does the same. He can’t believe she’s that close to him, her hair smells nice and she’s so soft in his arms.

It’s quiet outside, they can hear the music behind the door, the people in the ally talking and the crickets in the night. It’s just them outside, holding each other in the smoking section with smiles on their faces, amazed that it’s finally happening.

“Can we keep this between us?” She whispers into his ear. “Just for a bit? I don’t want to go through all the paperwork and have to separate in the field if it doesn’t work out?”

“Wait,” Spencer pulls back. “Are you asking me to be your boyfriend?”

She nods, “well yeah isn’t that what happens when two people have a mutual crush? They date?”

“Okay,” he smiles, staring at her lips and then flicking his gaze back to hers with a blush. “I have more than a crush on you, I really, really like you.”

“Prove it,” she teases, “let's go on a real date soon?”

“You know what, let’s get out of here. I have something I want to show you,” he takes her hand and waits for her to nod.

“Take my lead okay? You don’t feel good and you’re going to wait outside while I say goodbye,” she has a plan right away

“After you,” he holds the door open for her and lets her inside first.

—

“I’m taking Spencer home, he’s not doing well,” she’s a much better actress than Spencer expected, patting his back and watching him leave the bar before her like she asked him to do. “He’s really anxious?”

Penelope looks worried, “oh no, I fucked up. I told him you like him.”

She just shrugs, “if he didn’t know that already then I guess he’s not as smart as he pretends to be.”

“See,” Derek looks at Savannah. “I told you everyone else also thinks he’s faking being that smart.”

“Shut up,” she shoves him and turns her attention back to Y/N. “Go make him feel better, he’ll like your company.”

“I’ll see you guys at work on Monday,” she waves them goodbye, surprised they bought it as she rushes her way back outside to Spencer.

He’s already in his car, engine running and waiting for her with a smile. “Come on,” he hurries her inside and is taking off down the road before she even has her seatbelt on yet.

“What’s the rush, Spence? It’s only 1 in the morning I’m sure tones of places are open still?” She teases.

“You’re going to like this, I used to go here all the time when I started with the bureau,” he explains, leaving the main road to take a back root, and eventually they’re driving on gravel.

“If you’re taking me here to murder me this is a dumb way to do it because they all know I left with you,” she teases. “At least when you go to get rid of me, do yourself a favour and dig 6 one-foot holes instead of one 6 foot hole…”

He laughs, “would you really give your murderer tips?”

She nods, “my goal would be to piss him off so much he either lets me go or murders me quickly. I don’t want to go through all the pain.”

“It’s not fun, that’s for sure,” he shrugs it off but she knows it hits too hard.

“I’m sorry,” she whispers, reaching her hand out for his to hold by the gear shift. “I think you’re like the strongest guy in the world, you know that, right?”

“Why?” He asks as if that's a preposterous thing to say.

“I think if I got kidnapped and tortured at 24 I wouldn’t still be working in the FBI,” she admits. “I barely made it through the academy, I know this job is intense but I don’t think I could handle being in that situation.”

“If it’s up to me,” Spencer squeezes her hand tighter and brings it to his lips for a kiss. “You’ll never experience anything like that.”

He’s so good at making her feel safe that she almost believes he has the power to do that. He would do anything and everything to move fate for her safety.

He turns down another back road then, around the edge of a lake and towards a clearing. He follows old tire tracks and parks by the dock. “I found this spot one night on a random drive to clear my head.”

“I thought you hated driving?” She quizzes him.

He shrugs, “I like to drive at night when no one else is on the road because then I don’t really have to worry about anyone else. I hate driving because I can’t always anticipate other drivers' movements. If I could read minds, then I’d drive more.”

“Valid,” she nods, “now why is this such a special spot that you needed to show me right away?”

“Well, I have a telescope and it’s been in my trunk for the last 13 years so that every time I come here, I can look up at the moon…”

“You brought me here to look at the moon with you?” She swoons, “that’s so cute.”

“You think?” He looks like his heart is doing the same swelling as hers.

She gets out of the car before she can lean over and kiss him the way she wants to. In his trunk, he does have a telescope, and a blanket, which they set out on the dock and sit upon.

The sound of the lake, the loons in the distance, frogs and crickets and music travelling from somewhere down the lake. The moon was big, the stars were amazing, and this was the closest she has ever seen them. It's amazing, and of course, it was Spencer showing her everything.

He was everything to her.

And it didn’t take long for him to become everything to her either.

Joining the BAU was a dream to many at the academy, but Y/N never thought that she would get the job, overjoyed that she did. They were a family unit; they got the job done, they protected each other, and it was a wonderful environment to be a part of. She obviously liked Spencer the most out of everyone. He took her in, he made her feel comfortable and safe and she opened up more with him than she has with anyone she’s labelled a “best friend” in the past.

She liked everything about him. The way he talked with his hands, how his sweater, vest, shirt and tie always match, his gun looks a little out of place on his belt, like it’s too big for him, but it’s cute. His hair’s been getting longer too, sometimes he wears glasses and sometimes if she’s lucky, he doesn’t shave every day.

She can’t take her eyes off him when he’s busy and won't notice, just to then move her focus away when he stared at her. She only wishes she could see the way he stares at her in awe, because if it’s anything like how she looks at him, he must love her.

She keeps her hand in his, trading the telescope back and forth in turns, her face was close to his every time they switched and she kept getting bolder with each exchange. Letting Spencer look, she kept her face close to his, kissing his cheek softly as soon as he was busy peering up at the moon.

He turned to her with a gasp, “what was that for?”

“You’re cute,” she shrugs. “I’ve wanted to kiss you for a while.”

“How long?” He teases, leaning in closer and kissing her nose to make her laugh.

“Since you dropped me off at my house after that first dinner…”

“So this is me,” she nods out the window, “thank you for the ride, I appreciate not having to be in an Uber all by myself.”

“Anytime you need a ride, you can give me a call?” He asks. “Seeing as we’ll be going to the same place anyway.”

She nods with a smile, “I’d love that, do you live close to here?”

“Just up the street,” he nods. “So we could carpool?”

“I can drive some days if you want?” She asks, “I know you mostly take the subway, and I know that because I’ve seen you reading on there before.”

He can’t help but smile, “so you never thought to say hello?”

“No,” she shakes her head, “you looked peaceful, and I’m sure you don’t get many moments like that in your line of work.”

He sighed, knowing she was right. “If it ever gets to be too much for you, please never feel like you have to pretend to be okay? None of us expect you to be stone cold, none of us are either. The job gets to us, just tell me if it gets to be too much?”

She looks from his lips back to his eyes and over again, “thanks, Spencer.”

He does the same to her, “anytime. Should I walk you to your door?”

She shakes her head, “that’s okay you’ve done enough for me tonight.”

“Fair enough,” he laughs. “Have a good night Y/N.”

“You too, Spencer,” she smiles before she exits his car, smiling at him from her porch before he drives away.

“So it’s been mutual this whole time?” He shakes his head at the absurdity. “I’ve been so lonely for so long and then I found you and you make me feel like I don’t need to be alone anymore.”

“You complete me too,” she makes one more comment before connecting their lips.

It’s like the world stops then. It’s silent and serene and everything she thought kissing Spencer Reid would be.

She pulls back with a smirk, “oh no.”

“What?” He worries.

“I’m going to want to kiss you all the time now…”

“Good,” he mumbles the words against her lips before reconnecting them.

—

At work on Monday, it’s very hard for them to look at each other without remembering that they’ve kissed. Spencer’s practically glowing with admiration for her that he gives it all away. He’s overly happy, offering to do things for others, standing way too close to her and bringing her coffee all morning.

“Okay, pretty boy,” Derek takes him by the scruff of the neck and redirects him into his office. “What’s going on with you today, I know you’re not this happy for JJ’s return?”

“What do you mean?”

“Did you get laid or something?”

Spencer laughs, “no, you know I don’t get laid. You actually remind me of that fact quite often.”

“You’re so happy I’m worried you’ve moved to crack,” he says it. “Okay, you were acting weird on Friday, you missed brunch on Sunday and now you’re waaay too happy.”

“I’m not on drugs again,” Spencer assures him. “I’m just letting myself enjoy my time with Y/N, if she falls in love with me in the meantime that would also be nice.”

“Oh, so you’re doing this to get laid,” Derek teases him again. “That’s good, I’m sorry if I triggered you by asking, but I had to make sure you’re okay.”

“No, no,” he places his hands on Derek's shoulders, “thank you for caring.”

“Always—“

“Guys!” They hear Hotch yelling from the bullpen, cutting the tender moment short, saving Spencer from spilling the truth.

Rushing back, he sits beside Y/N at the briefing room table. “We have a bad one,” Emily Prentiss of all people walks in the door, followed by Elle Greenaway.

“We’ll have time to mingle in a minute, right now there is a woman who needs our help,” he announces.

Spencer quickly reads over the case files, recognizing Elles handwritten notes, she was a private investigator now. “With Penelope’s help, I’ve been able to set up alerts in College chatrooms in the area so that I can help to missing and assaulted women right away.”

“She’s alerted when someone reports a missing woman and she has advertisements for people to reach out to her for help,” Penelope explained.

“I’ve been working on these cases for the last 9 years,” Elle announces. “This morning Aasia Desai called me saying her sister Bahni never showed up for lunch and it’s not like her, we know she went clubbing last night and so far Penelope’s tracked her down an ally and then she’s gone.”

“Her parents are British diplomats so Interpol has asked me to join, luckily I was just in Ontario so it was a short trip over,” Emily adds. “JJ will be here in half an hour for her first day back, and we will celebrate when we can, but I see we have some new faces here?”

“Special Agent Y/N Y/L/N,” she waves, still glued to Spencer’s side. “I’ve heard a lot about you both from Doctor Reid.”

“Doctor Tara Lewis,” she stands and shakes Emily’s hand, and then Elles.

“So it says here that the first missing case was in 2006 just after you left the BAU?” Spencer changes the subject before anyone can pry into why he would be telling her about the women who worked there before her.

“I did,” Elle nods. “I was too late for her, by the time her parents realized she was missing and called me in the case was cold. I started this as a way to get ahead of it.”

“How long has she been missing?” Tara asks.

“She was last seen at 1:07 this morning,” Elle confirms. “We have 25 hours, maybe, to beat the odds.”

“Reid,” Hotch cuts in, “I would like you and Elle to go check out the street she was last seen on, find any private cameras or anyone who might have seen something.”

He turns to Y/N who just shrugs in silence; “it’s fine.”

“Tara and Derek, I’d like you to interview Aasia when she and JJ get here, Garcia can you do a deep dive into Bahni’s spending and academic records?”

“Sure thing,” she starts clicking away on her computer immediately.

“And Y/N,” Elle looks at her. “I need you to go over the footage of the man who followed her to the alley and get familiar with his face. We’re using you as the face of the investigation to hopefully draw the unsub out.”

“How would she be able to do that alone?” Spencer gets defensive, a way he used to with JJ when she was the media liaison.

“If she goes on the news and makes Bahni seem like a person while describing the unsub as someone who can help solve the case, it will draw him out,” Emily explains for Hotch, who is glaring at Spencer for second-guessing the plan already.

“And she’s college-age,” Elle adds. “If that’s who he’s been going after all this time he will want to come in and talk IF he can talk to her.”

She places her hand on his leg under the table, “it’s a good plan.”

“It is,” Hotch agrees.

“What do you not have a saying to replace wheels up when they stay in town?” Elle teases him.

“Wheels away?” Emily joins her, “that works?”

“just get to work,” Hotch tries not to smirk at them.

Spencer stands up to leave with Elle, “can I just talk to Spencer before he leaves?” She carefully asks Hotch.

“Make it quick,” he agrees reluctantly and lets her follow him down to his desk.

Spencer rests his hands on the back of his desk chair, holding it tightly in an attempt to calm himself down.

“I’m going to be fine,” she assures him. “I don’t think the guy on the tape took her, we’d see him leave if he did.”

“Unless he lives in the alley,” Spencer combats. “Can you ask Penelope to do a background check on all the cars coming in and out of the campus and that street between midnight at 2 am?”

She nods, placing her hand on his gently. “Good luck out there, okay?”

He nods, “it’s been 2 days they’re going to know by the end of the week.”

She laughs, “so be it.”

He says fuck it right then and there, wrapping her up in a hug and kissing the top of her head as the team watches in the briefing room. “I’ll see you later.”

“Yes you will,” she smacks his side as he lets her go. “If you’re going to make a scene at least give me a real kiss.”

“Hmm,” he teases. “No cause then I’d have to sign some paperwork and I’ve got to go…” he starts to back away.

“Coward,” she teases.

He just shrugs, meeting Elle by the door and heading towards the elevators in silence.

She doesn’t ask, not even when they get to the garage or inside the SUV. They’re driving down the road for maybe 2 minutes when Elle finally brings it up. “So—”

“What do you want to know?”

“It's that easy now? What happened to you?” She teases. “You’re so different from the baby Spence I left.”

“Well you missed my drug problem, my dad being a possible child molester, getting shot in the knee, getting shot in the neck, my girlfriend dying, and now my mom might have Alzheimer's so you know… I had to grow up a bit,” he lays it all out for her to ask any question she wants.

“Why don’t you ever call me? I would have been there for you through anything,” she reminds him.

“I know that,” he reaches over for her hand, “thank you. But I was a big fan of suffering in silence… and now I have Y/N and she makes me feel normal?”

“That’s good, you deserve some fraction of normal in your life and she’s really cute,” Elle smiles back at him before returning her focus to the road. “How old is she?”

“27,” he smiles. “She’s the best.”

“You love her,” Elle notices it.

He presses his lips together to fend off a smile as he nods, “I think I do.”

“Tell her, you deserve to hear that someone loves you back.”

—

She’s anxiously tapping her foot as she waits for the elevator to arrive with the suspect, Rossi standing just behind her. Only 15 minutes after being on the news, the man that was in the security footage contacted them. Making his way over for a voluntary interview.

He looks Y/N up and down with a smile, “I heard you were looking for me.”

“I sure was,” she plays along with it, smiling and making him think she’s interested as well. “I knew you’d get the message, we just need all the help we can get right now.”

“Of course,” he has his ego stroked so well that they can roll with it.

“Would you mind coming with me and Agent Rossi to talk about everything you saw?” She batts her lashes at him, really selling it.

“Sure,” he follows them down the hall.

Rossi opens the door and lets them in first, letting her get him settled and a glass of water. “So you can tell me everything from that night?”

“Sure,” he nods, explaining his taxi job, his run for the night and his alibi.

“So why did you step back into the doorway?” She asks as she sits in front of him. Straight-faced as she catches him off guard.

“Excuse me?”

“You stepped out of the way to let her pass and then followed her, she made no motion to say she wanted your services, so I’m just wondering why you would follow her before she disappeared?”

“Huh,” he suddenly feels played and his personality switches. “I thought this was just a chat?”

“I’m simply asking you questions? If you don’t have answers that makes you suspicious. An innocent person would have given me an answer,” she fights back.

“She’s right, you got very defensive very fast,” Rossi finally speaks up.

He shakes his head with a huff. “I was going to ask if she needed a ride, she looked pretty messed up. And then some guy came over and wrapped his arm around her and they walked off. They seemed to know one another. I thought she was safe in his hands.”

Only his tone doesn’t match the words. He sounds jealous— It’s not like she would have been a large tab, he wasn’t jealous because he lost a customer. No, he’s jealous like someone stepped in and prevented him from snatching an easy victim.

“Fair enough,” she pretends to believe him. “Thank you for your cooperation.”

“I can go now?” He changes right back to confused.

She nods, “I’ll escort you down if you’d like?”

“Thanks,” he stands and follows her to the door where Rossi stops her.

“Are you sure?”

She nods, “I’ll be back up shortly.”

She catches up with him by the elevators, “did you have to drive far to get here?” She makes small talk.

“Not really,” he shakes it off. “I like your necklace.”

She touches her necklace and her face drops, “thanks.”

“Necklaces are my favourite.”

“You don’t wear any?” She notices in the form of a question.

He shakes his head as the elevator opens at the ground level. “I think they’re nice gifts.”

She nods along, pretending that didn’t set off every ret alert and alarm in her mind, “well here you are. Thanks again for all the help.”

“No problem,” he goes to leave, turning to stop and block the doors from closing. “If you want, later tonight I can show you everything I saw at the alley?”

“Yeah, sure,” she agrees with no plan to go.

“8 pm? At Cafe Linda?”

“See you then,” she agrees and he steps back letting the door close and then she loses her cool.

Feverishly smashing the floor 6 button, and begging to make it back up to Hotch to tell him everything. But she also just wants to cry but she holds it in as she makes it to their floor matching past Rossi and right into the briefing room.

“He may not be our unsub but that man is a creep,” she announces. “He not only complimented my necklace but he asked me to come to the alley tonight so he can walk me through what he saw.”

“You’re not going,” Hotch announces.

“I didn’t plan to,” she snaps. “I think we need to look into him because he’s either giving little girls necklaces to keep them quiet or he’s taking necklaces after he kills women.”

“Kathy’s parents said she was in a necklace when she went missing,” Emily adds. “His connection to this case and being at NYU right before she went missing gives us enough probable cause for a search warrant.”

Hotch sighs, “fine. I’ll call a judge, you and Y/N can go and search his place.”

“So shouldn’t we arrest him before he leaves the building?” Morgan asks.

“He’s still in the garage, I’ve let the security know to stop him and arrest him at the gate,” Garcia adds, listening in and planning in advance.

“Thank you,” Hotch smiles at her, “you’re always reading my mind.”

Garcia smiles back at him, “always, sir.”

“Okay, let’s go,” she looks at Emily and waiting for her to turn to leave the room.

“Let’s,” she motions for Y/N to take the lead and follows.

The drive to his house is so weird… she doesn’t quite know how to talk to Emily, knowing only slightly about her and her knowing nothing about Y/N.

“So how long have you and Spencer been dating?” Her first question just gets right to the point.

She laughs awkwardly, “3 days…”

“Oh…”

She hums as she nods along, looking out the window and avoiding Emily’s eye contact. “It’s new, we’re both pretty infatuated with each other but we’re taking it slower than most people because I’m afraid to let my feelings change how I do the job.”

“Makes sense,” Emily replies. Her voice is so sweet, she has an aura of calm that follows her and lets Y/N feel safe. She gets why Spencer said she was his best friend on the team before her.

“The necklace comment… why did it make you so wary of this guy?”

“When I was in middle school a guy gave me a necklace while he was grooming me,” she whispers. Looking out the window and pretending it doesn’t bother her now. “It’s fine, I don’t have it anymore, but I knew this guy had that same vibe.”

Emily put her hand out, letting Y/N interlock their fingers and hold it. “I know I just met you, but you’re family now. I’m here if you’re ever suddenly not fine with it anymore…”

“Thanks,” she smiles. “Let’s get this fucker.”

—

By the time the warrant went through, Spencer and Elle had joined them to search the first suspect's house while Emily left to help the rest of the team with suspect two. Tracking all the license plates in the area like Spencer suggested lead them to a Chinese food delivery driver in the area.

That didn’t stop Y/N from destroying her suspect's house. They tore the house apart, searching every nook and cranny for any answer that would make sense. She was tempted to lift the floorboards up, call in SCSI to run ground-penetrating radar and search the fucking walls if they had to.

But then she found it.

A small metal box in the laundry room contained some tools and when she lifted up the fake bottom, she found 5 necklaces.

“Elle!!” She yelled through the house.

They both came running down the hall to her, “is this Kathy’s necklace?”

“Oh my god,” she whispered with a nod.

“I want to kill this guy,” she mumbles under her breath as she places the necklaces back in the box and closes it up.

“Spencer doesn’t need another girl he has a crush on to murder someone and get kicked out of the bureau,” Elle teases.

“What?” Y/N asks.

“Way to go,” Spencer nudges her.

Y/N stands up with the box and slides it into a large evidence bag before taping it up. “I guess he has a type then.”

“I don’t,” Spencer tries to cover up. “I mean, if I do then it’s people who are nice to me…”

She smiles at him, unable to even pretend to be jealous or mad. “It’s hard to be mean to you when you’re so cute.”

“Ew,” Elle announces her disgust as she leaves the room.

“Let’s get out of here before I end up kissing you in a murderer's laundry room,” Spencer teases, taking her hand and leading her out of the house as the rest of the forensics team takes over the bagging of evidence.

“Guys,” Elle rushes back to them with her phone pressed to her ear. “We have a bigger problem than we thought with Bahni.”

They rush into the SUV, putting the team on the speaker to hear the most unthinkable. “So I did what Y/N suggested and searched every single driver coming in and off-campus and the last street she was seen on,” Penelope explains back. “And I came across a man who was delivering Chinese food under the name Tom Larson… and it’s ironic his name is tom because he has a plethora of peeping offences and general creepiness alongside a metric shit-ton of abuse from his dad and dead mother.”

“Okay?” Elle follows.

“Tom Larson lives near Bahni,” Emily explains, “I was just at his house where I found him and his father had been murdered.”

“So we have not 1 but 3 creeps in this case, and none of them are who took Bahni?” Spencer rubs his eyes. “Please tell me we know who was in Tom’s car last night.”

“That’s where it gets tricky,” Penelope says with the doles tones of keys clicking behind her words. “We were just contacted by the fugitive Taskforce because they believe one of the murderers they’ve been tracking took Bahni… but he has ties to a much larger scale global sex trafficking ring.”

Elle flies through the streets with their lights on, pulling back into headquarters and right up to the security check. “So who is this guy?”

“Once you get back up here, Agent Simmons and Alvez will explain everything,” Hotch confirms. “I’m taking Derek to see Cruze, we need to tell him what’s going on.”

“Sounds good,” Elle hangs up and throws the SUV in park.

Y/N hesitates, staying put and taking a few breaths as Spencer watches. Elle’s left the car and is already on her way to the elevator. “What’s wrong?”

“Can I just have a hug real quick?”

“Yeah,” he wraps his arms around her and holds her close. “Are you okay?”

She nods against him, “yeah it’s just good to have at least 8 hugs a day.”

“Hug me whenever you need to,” he whispers against her hair, kissing the side of her head before she pulls back.

“Kisses are helpful too?”

He smiles, leaning in and pressing his lips to hers, mumbling against them, “how many?”

She hums, “10?”

He pecks her lips 10 times and counts each one, making her giggle, it takes so much effort to hold her smile back to keep kissing him but she feels much better.

“Thank you,” she beams and she can swear Spencer's eyes sparkle as he smiles back.

She pulls him into another hug, “I hate that we have to go catch a killer right now.”

“Come on then, as soon as we get him we can go on another date somewhere?”

She shakes her head, “after this case I think we should take a nap together… I’m exhausted and I don’t want to let you go.”

Spencer shakes his head in amazement, “you really like me?”

“Yeah, maybe I do,” she teases him. “You should get used to it because it’s only going to get more intense and I will smother you with love.”

He just shrugs, “it’s about time—“

They’re startled with a knock on the window, “we get it you’re in love, can we go now?”

“Sorry!” Y/N calls back with a giggle, pulling him in for one last kiss before getting out. Spencer follows with a deep blush that everyone will see when they get back upstairs, but it looks cute on him.

Luke Alvez has been trying to catch one criminal for the last 2 years. Simon Garrett has been a pain in the ass for the FBI, the CIA and DEA. He first showed up on their radar when his DNA was found on 14 women’s remains, all of who had been missing for at least 5 years.

His DNA was then traced to his son in the foster system, who’s been off the radar for the last 10 years. Everette Garrett.

“Now he’s interesting because I’ve been investigating his sex trafficking ring between Canada and the United States,” Matt adds. “All 14 women his father's DNA was found on were thought to be in his ring, which means when they get too old he hands them to his father to take care of.”

Y/N shakes her head as she listens, “so if you’ve been looking for them for this long what makes you think we can find them in time to save Bahni?”

“We’ve been tracking him for a while, we knew that he had a new girl on his radar and when we heard it was Bahni Desai we knew it was time to get you guys,” Matt explains.

“So far we know that she has to be taken to this warehouse in Alexandria before she goes any further, we’re going to intercept them before they make it to the warehouse and then use their car to gain access to take the whole thing down,” Luke rolls out a map of the facility then.

“We need to have the place surrounded for any runners, SWAT is getting prepped, we’re going tonight at 3 am,” Matt adds. “Morgan, Hotch, Prentiss, Alvez and Myself will be running a team at each of the 5 exits. Once inside, each team's swat unit will deploy gas to carefully knock everyone out, from there we need someone to cuff everyone at least until we know who is a victim and who is working there.”

“We’re taking everyone alive?” Spencer makes sure he hears them right.

“We need to know what the step after this warehouse is if we want to rescue more victims,” Luke’s voice is gentle yet stern as he explains. “I’ve seen this man take too many women from good homes and ruin their lives, I’m not letting him slip out of my fingers.”

“We’ve had this planned for months, we just needed to wait for the next confirmed drop-off.”

“Who’s driving?” Y/N asks, having a feeling it was her and Spencer.

“He’s Reids age,” Hotch announces from the door as he walks in with Cruze, “so we’ll replace Everette with Reid and Bahni with Y/L/N.”

“Rossi and Elle will be there to apprehend Everette, we’re setting up a fake traffic spot to irritate him and inhibit him from running. You two will be in a duplicate car arriving at the warehouse at the arranged time,” Emily confirms. “We just have to prep SWAT and then we can leave.”

“Alright, let’s get ready.”

—

Pretending to be kidnapped in the back of a car driven by her boyfriend was possibly the weirdest way to spend a Tuesday morning. Driving the exact make and model as their unsub, her heartbeat was loud enough to cover the sound of the engine and distract her from the long drive. She was overly anxious, and rightly so, it was her first sting.

And she was doing it all without coffee. Tired but full of adrenaline, she wanted to close her eyes and drift off but she knew she needed to be ready to apprehend the men at the gate with Spencer.

She feels the large bump, indicating they just went over a speed bump and she knows what that means. The car slows and she can hear the muffled talking before swat steps in, soon enough Spencer is cracking the trunk open and reaching in for her.

“Are you okay?” He helps her to her feet and makes sure her bulletproof vest is on right before handing her, her gun and watching her clip it on.

“Yeah, what happened?”

“The guards are down, Swat moved in as soon as we arrived, now we have to stand here and wait for them to clear the building,” Spencer explains as they walk to the front of her car.

She draws her gun and keeps it pointed low, guarded as they watch the front entrance for anyone to escape. “Do you know if Bahni is okay?” She whispers towards him.

He nods, “they radioed in that they got her, she’s being airlifted to the hospital with JJ right now.”

She nods with a deep breath, “okay good.”

“It’s going to be fine, we have enough SWAT here to take the government,” he tries to joke, getting a laugh from one of the officers… very strange to see someone laugh while holding an assault rifle.

One of the swat side steps towards Spencer, “I’m hearing on the line that they’ve cleared every room. They’re cuffing everyone, you’re free to enter.”

“Thanks,” Spencer replies.

The high-pitched screech rubber gripping asphalt in an attempt to stop draws their attention backwards. Elle and Rossi jumping out with their guns drawn, ready to join even though the exciting part is long over.

“No runners?” Elle asks, holstering her weapon. “Aw man, I was excited.”

“Not a one,” Y/N adds, watching the front entrance for the rest of the team to start funnelling out with the unsubs.

Luke exits first with a big smile on his face, Simon Garrett cuffed and barely stumbling out the door in front of him. He finally got him.

“well done,” Elle congratulates him. “Let me help you get him in SWAT van.”

“I think she has a thing for Luke,” Rossi leans into Y/N to gossip. “she wouldn’t stop asking about him on the drive…”

“Ooo,” Y/N teases, getting more and more tired as her adrenaline drops. Her eyes are heavy and Rossi can tell.

“Why don’t I bring you and the good doctor home, I don’t think they need all of us for the wrap-up,” Rossi pats her back. “You’ve had a long night, kid.”

“Thank you,” she smiles, holstering her gun and turning with him towards the SUV. “I’m so exhausted.”

“Well you’ve been on the job for almost 24 hours now, you’ve officially made it through your first overnight sting op,” Rossi congratulates her like he’s her grandpa.

She turns back when she doesn’t hear Spencer following her, “Spence? Are you coming?”

“Um,” he has something to ask as he follows then but he doesn’t say it. “Yeah, sorry.”

“It’s okay, come sit with me in the back?” She asks, sliding in beside him and resting her head on his shoulder as soon as their seatbelts are on.

“Did you still want to have a nap together?” He whispers, feeling her nod against his shoulder before she pulls back.

“Come here,” she tugs him in against her chest, snuggling in as best as she could in their sitting position. Holding him close and feeling him drift off in her arms. She has no problem following suit.

When she wakes, Rossi is parked outside of her apartment, “here you go, Y/N.”

She hums as she comes to, shaking Spencer awake too, “Spence, come on, let’s get to bed.”

“He’s going with you?”

She nods, “don’t tell Penelope. She’ll have a field day, I just want a nap.”

“You better get more than a nap,” Rossi orders. “You guys need to actually rest before you come back to work on Wednesday.”

“Thanks, Dad,” she teases him. “We will.”

“Bye Dave,” Spencer whispers as he gets out of the car. “Thank you for the ride.”

“Anytime kid,” Rossi waves them off, waiting for them to enter the building before driving away.

“Finally,” she sighs, dragging Spencer down the hall and towards her apartment. “I’m so fucking tired.”

“me too,” he barely says.

He follows her inside like a lost puppy, taking off his vest and shirt, slipping out of his pants until he’s in an undershirt, boxers and his mismatched socks. She’s amazed by how comfortable he is with her, but she has known him for 3 months, it’s enough time to fall in love with someone… right?

She’s loved him since she started working with him. When she realized he valued her opinions, he looked at her as a person and he genuinely loved her company. She felt a real connection with him, not just childish infatuation. He was everything to her.

She slides into bed beside him and snuggles in, wrapping an arm around his middle and resting her head on his chest.

“I guess I really can do everything,” she smirks.

“What is that supposed to mean?”

She pokes his chest and giggles away the awkwardness, “the thing I wanted to do most, the thing that I couldn’t do… that was to fall in love with you, but I did it anyway.”

“Well, then I guess I can do everything too.”

She pulls away to look at him, “I love you, Spencer. I don’t know if it’s too soon, but I’ve loved you for a while.”

He pulls her in for a kiss, shocking her as he breathes her in and holds her there. “I love you, more Y/N.”

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