#i will miss your work kaz

[remember-to-be-gentle]

NOT KAZ TOO???!!!?? WHAT?!!!!!! 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

[ellewritesalright]

The Lost Princess - Part 1

Kaz Brekker x fem!reader

Synopsis: The old Queen Mother of Kerch's former royal family is offering a hefty reward to whoever returns her rumored-to-be-alive granddaughter to her. Kaz being Kaz hears about the reward and hatches an elaborate plot involving a fake princess. Reader is a lowly amnesiac orphan and escaped indenture who flees to Ketterdam where she gets tangled in Kaz Brekker's plot.

A/N: Hello friends!! Here is part one of a series I started writing a few years back but never published. It's inspired by the movie and musical Anastasia. I hope you all enjoy, and I hope it makes enough sense haha

Warnings: sickness, mentions of death, mentions of drowning, mentions of violence. pls let me know if I've missed anything

Word Count: 2056

..........

It was happening again.

You sat upright in the bed of your cheap lodgings, swinging your legs to the side and touching the floor. The threadbare rug was itchy against your toes as you took deep breaths, a desperate attempt at grounding yourself. Still, the dizziness did not subside. It came along every so often, never without the cryptic nightmares. There was always vertigo and memories of plunging into dark waters.

At least, you thought they must be memories. There was a significant gap in your mind from birth to the age of about ten, and the first thing you could remember was waking up on a fishing boat on the True Sea. The fishers handed you over to their boss, a wealthy merchant named Devisser, once you made port, and you were made to work for him in a fifteen-year indenture. You had worked as a scullery maid in that man's second home on the southern shores, but you managed to escape your indenture five years early, running off to Ketterdam.

Nowadays you were free to do whatever you pleased--if it was within budget, of course. You had precious little in your life, and you couldn't squander your money in the gambling dens of the city. 

You had to be smart if you were to make it to Os Kervo. Another maid at the house had said that there was a better chance of smuggling yourself to Novyi Zem than to find a safe passage to Ravka, but you didn't let her sway you. You had to get to Os Kervo. It was difficult to explain, but you felt instinctively that someone was waiting there for you. In your dreams, the better and brighter ones where you could feel the warmth of arms around you, there was a voice that whispered, "I'll meet you there, my little tiger. We'll be together in Os Kervo."

The only trouble was how you could get there. You had no travel papers or identification, and it was difficult to obtain any--even fake ones--with such little money. It was a difficult position you were in. 

So you went about your life, picking up odd jobs using fake names. Your name is already fake as it was. The surname, Vos, was given to you by one of the more kind fishers who pulled you from the water. He gathered a mound of blankets around you and sat with his arm around you, trying desperately to keep you warm. Sometimes you wondered about him, wondered whether he was still fishing for Devisser. Perhaps if the captain of that ship had not seen fit to hand you over to their boss the kind fisher would have taken you in. Life might have been better if you had been offered a chance at a family instead of an apron and a crushing daily workload. 

Your feet carried you to the wardrobe in this shabby lodging room. You had to sweep a spider off your jacket before you slipped it on. The morning air was a nice reprieve against your warm face as you walked down the streets. Shops were opening, food vendors were starting the fire in their ovens; Ketterdam was waking up.

You meant to walk further than the Barrel, but you stopped as you saw the window of some sort of pawn shop. There was a dress in the window. It was the emerald green of a kind of fabric you had never owned but knew instinctively would be smooth to the touch, like a flat stone one might skip on the ocean. There was something so familiar about the short ruffles of the over-the-shoulder sleeves; perhaps you had seen a guest at the big house wearing something similar when you used to spy from the door to the servant's quarters. 

There was no way you would be able to purchase such a beautiful gown, you barely had enough money to get by as it was, but you were drawn into the shop because of it. You had to spend some more time around it and the other beautiful items in the shop. You hadn't been around such lavish things since… well, never.

The bell above the shop door jangled, alerting a woman at the counter to your appearance. She smiled, but the sight struck you in the chest. As an amnesiac orphan, you learned early on that people saw you as weak, helpless, and naive. For your youth and lack of guidance, you were perceived as easy pickings, and people tried their tricks on you more often than you could count, especially here in Ketterdam. You'd learned to tell what was genuine and what was fake when you interacted with others, and the woman's smile was the first real smile you'd seen in a long time. 

"A beautiful dress for a beautiful young lady," the woman said.

You shook your head with a pleasant enough smile. "I was just looking. I could never afford such a thing."

"And yet here you are in my shop." She followed your eyes to a case of assorted valuables. When she saw the dull music box you stared at she hummed. "Would you like to know a secret?" You turned to her "That music box is from the old palace. It belonged to the missing princess herself, I swear on Ghezen and the saints."

You pondered the validity of her words, keeping a level expression so as not to upset her with your doubt. Everything you heard about the dead royal family seemed like it happened a lifetime ago, and no amount of rumours about one of their daughters being alive somewhere would make it any less a ghost story. 

Still, you smiled politely. Despite her pleasant expression, she was only trying to sell you something, something you would not need even if you could have it. It wasn't even the most eye-catching thing in the display, just a decrepit old music box of tarnished silver. The music probably didn't even play anymore.

"It's lovely," you lied, "though I don't believe I could afford it."

"I could give you a special deal. I like to think there's something in my shop for everyone. The music box deserves to go home with you."

"That's generous, but--truly--I cannot make a purchase."

She tilted her head at you. "What is it you want, my dear? You've come into my shop, looked around, and you have the nerve to refuse my generosity--what is holding you back?"

"I've already told you," you said, "I couldn't afford it."

"And if I gave something for free?"

You brushed her off. "That's a terrible business model."

"Perhaps. But I like you, little runaway that you are. You're a long way from home--you deserve something nice."

You felt your pulse quicken. She shouldn't have known that. You weren't on the list of runaway indentures, so the stadwatch wouldn’t be looking for you. You breathed in before you could turn to her, balancing your composure with great care. Emotions were not useful in situations like this. "What brought you to that conclusion?"

"You keep your head down, which is normal in the Barrel, but you're not doing it out of habit, you're doing it out of fear. You must be hiding from something--from someone."

She was apt, you'd give her that. The trouble was figuring out the degree to which you could trust her. She could sell you back to Devisser in a second if she wanted to, but she could also be willing to help you. After all, she did say she liked you. You looked her in the eyes and then spoke.

"I'm trying to get to Ravka. The thing is, I don't have the money for travel papers, be they legal or illegal. I can't afford even that, and I could never afford anything in your shop." You straightened out, about to leave. "I'm sorry to have wasted your time--"

"Brekker can help you."

You stopped in your tracks. 

“He can get you to Ravka, no travel papers necessary.”

You faced her again, questioning, “Where can I find this Brekker?”

“He owns a club down the road from here. The sign has one of those annoying blackbirds on it.”

“A raven?”

“No, a pesky crow.” She fiddled with a set of keys around her neck. “Anyways, he can help you on your way. I assure you.”

“How much will this information cost me?”

“Nothing, my dear. I hope you make it to Ravka.”

You thanked her, ducking your head as you left the shop. You kept a wary eye about you as you wove through the streets, finding your way back to your lodgings. There was little trust in such a wicked city as Ketterdam, specifically here in the barrel, and you were constantly looking out for any sign of danger. The shopkeeper wasn’t dangerous, not from what you could tell, but you had to keep your wits. One false move and you could be sent back to Devisser. 

You couldn’t let that happen.

..........

Kaz stepped out from the back of the shop after the bell above the door rang out once more, signifying your departure. He was lucky to have been behind a particularly packed shelf furthest from the door, else you would have seen him and wouldn’t have explained your plan to Eugenia, the shopkeeper. Eugenia, for her part, did well to nudge you in the direction of the Crow Club. Undoubtedly she would want some credit for that, he knew. And, just as he thought, she brought it up as soon as he reappeared. 

"I've found your missing princess for you, Kaz," Eugenia smirked. "And how valuable she'll be for you."

"You didn't do anything for me, Eugenia. She'll be just as impossible as the others," he retorted.

He'd been auditioning young women to play the part of the missing princess for months now. Ever since he'd heard of a hefty reward posed by the old duchess and grandmother to the princess, he'd devised a plan, learning everything he could about the toppled royal family.

"I think she's the one. Do you know why?"

He kept his stare neutral, but the disapproval remained on his lips in permanence. Eugenia liked to speak as though she knew best, leading tourists and tramps into traps as she sold them tin under the guise that it was rare silver. Even wisdom offered by her would be false.

She continued. "She'll play the part--and she'll be damn good at it--because she's desperate. Desperation makes us do what we otherwise would not."

He tilted a brow at her. "What do you want?"

"Waive six months of my rent," she said. There was no way she thought that he would accept this deal. He didn't even have confirmation that you would find him or that you would be willing to go through with his masquerade. Eugenia was a fool.

"If she is a good fit for the princess, I will waive one month of your rent," he bargained.

"Hold on, she is going to make you a million Kruge--I deserve more than a month for that."

Kaz frowned at her, leaning into his cane. Who was she to make demands? "Firstly, there's no guarantee that she can do the job. Secondly, even if she is a good fit, I don't owe you anything. You decided to send her to me before you thought to broker a deal; I don't owe you a thing." 

She thumbed at her ring of keys. Eugenia was upset with herself and with him, he could tell. 

"If she can play the part," Kaz said, straightening out, "I am willing to waive three months of your rent on the condition that you supply me with whatever I might need from this shop free of cost."

"Whatever you need for the job, right? I can't just give you anything you want from now on."

He nodded. "Just for the job. Do we have a deal?"

"Deal."

Kaz left the shop without the rent that he'd initially come to collect, but with something much more valuable if he played his cards right. He'd only caught a glimpse of you, but he was inclined to believe what Eugenia said. Desperation makes us do what we otherwise would not, and you had sounded plenty desperate.

..........

A/N: Thanks for reading! Feel free to like, reblog, and comment if you want to read more, I really appreciate the feedback! If you want to be tagged in the other parts of this series please comment on this part or send me an ask. And if you want to request a fic, please feel free to send in an ask. Otherwise, I hope you have a great day/night :)

Masterlist

Part 2

Tags: @justvibbinghere @happyhauntt

[happyhauntt]

— april fic recs, brought to you by happyhauntt.

it's that time again! a wee fic rec post for a few of the fics i read in april that altered my brain chemistry!! i've put a lil comment next to each rec because honestly writers don't get praised enough for their work these days and i wanted to show my appreciation for these talented souls!!

criminal minds.

➡ spencer reid.

in every other life by @irndad. notes: adorableness incarnate honestly.

trouble almost all my life series by @januaryembrs. notes: might honestly have to put this on every masterlist til the end of time.

forgiven by @reiding-writing. notes: um HOW DARE YOU i sobbed my way through this

grishaverse.

➡ kaz brekker.

breakfast by @sophierequests. notes: look i'm a simple human i see badass characters and i fall in love

➡ jesper fahey.

i'm your gal by @atlabeth. notes: NOT ENOUGH JESPER FICS and this one is GLORIOUS

star wars.

➡ poe dameron.

the f-word by @the-little-ewok. notes: i reread this constantly pls it's so good

moon knight.

➡ marc spector.

i should've been there by @januaryembrs. notes: not em out here ruining my life and making me sob AGAIN you simply never miss

9-1-1.

➡ evan buckley.

take my hand by @redocity. notes: cute cute cute cute cute

emergency room by redocity. notes: the ANGST i feel well-fed

won't say i'm falling by @borntobewondering. notes: this was DELICIOUS

➡ buck / eddie.

a bleeding sun on a silver screen by @hoediaz / rarakiplin on ao3. notes: i was fully choking back sobs while reading this. i binged this fic in less than 24 hours and it has changed something fundamental inside me. i will never be the same person again. i'm billing you for my therapy.

good luck, babe by @hattalove. notes: i cackled my way through this, potentially the funniest shit ever.

hate to say i spent it all on masquerades by hattalove. notes: i sobbed and sobbed and sobbed while reading this. this fic is everything to me, it should be required reading for all my friends who want to understand me, it is beautiful and magical and i want it tattooed on my face.

don't wanna let you love somebody else but me by @shitouttabuck / fleetinghearts on ao3. notes: sheer adorableness i will well recover from this!!!!

tried and true blue by shitouttabuck / fleetinghearts on ao3. notes: SCREAMING I'M SCREAMING I MAY NEVER STOP SCREAMING

like a dog with a bird at your door by shitouttabuck / fleeting hearts on ao3. notes: iconic. truly iconic. quite possibly one of my fav fics ever written.

let the world have its way with you by shitouttabuck / fleeting hearts on ao3. notes: you don't understand how hard it was not to include every single one of shitouttabuck's fics on this list and there will almost certainly be more in future but i just want them tattooed on my forehead i feel insane

i have dreams where i kiss you and it's pink by shitouttabuck / fleeting hearts on ao3. notes: the cutest and i mean THE CUTEST shit ever

all my shattered oaths by letmetellyouaboutmyfeels on ao3. notes: i sobbed. i sobbed so hard i think i burst something honestly. everything from this author is immaculate but THIS is the holy fuckin grail and i will truly never be the same again.

let my ink stain your pages by letmetellyouaboutmyfeels on ao3. notes: castle au CASTLE AU i'm a sucker for a castle au and this is EVERYTHING

even in winter there is eranthis by letmetellyouaboutmyfeels on ao3. notes: i think about this fic daily.

your love is an oil slick by letmetellyouaboutmyfeels on ao3. notes: this is everything this is EVERYTHING to me i will reread this weekly for the rest of my life

even the darkest night by letmetellyouaboutmyfeels on ao3. notes: stardust au STARDUST AU aka my favourite movie and my favourite ship combined into a fuckin masterpiece

curl up in my heart and let me keep you by letmetellyouaboutmyfeels on ao3. notes: soft sweet my brain is mushy and i adore this

hoping it gets to you by @bucktommys / hammersmiths on ao3. notes: cute adorable stunning MAGNIFICENT

you're my whole house by @/bucktommys / hammersmiths on ao3. notes: THIS FIC OUT HERE MAKIN ME SQUEAL AND KICK MY LEGS

left unsaid by c_m2 on ao3. notes: this is mcfuckin adorable i'm crying buck deserves everything in the world

say yes to heaven by dylaesthetics on ao3. notes: okay full disclosure this made me cry so much i threw up. also it hit some pretty intense trauma for me. still so glad i read it because it was also kinda healing. and i want everyone else to suffer like i have because fuck i suffered.

if i need to rearrange my particles, i will for you by dylaesthetics on ao3. notes: author you will always be famous bc you're knocking my emotional stability OUTTA THE PARK

honestly, truly, completely by dylaesthetics on ao3. notes: simply fuckin adorable

feels like magic by 42hrb on ao3. notes: there's nothing i adore more than an urban fantasy au and this one is EXQUISITE

fallin' into your ocean eyes by princessfbi on ao3. notes: okay every part of this au is absolutely fuckin perfection i am so deeply in love with it

until now by tearsthissideofheaven on ao3. notes: a reincarnation au??? it's like you know how to ruin my life

if i never hear your voice again by @actualalligator. notes: disability rep!!!! brilliant writing!!!!

life sure can try to put love through it by @capseycartwright / wafflesofdoom on ao3. notes: ahahaha ruin my life why don't you

sometimes its hard to see what the future holds by @/capseycartwright / wafflesofdoom on ao3. notes: olympics buddie au??? didn't know i wanted it but now i can't live without it

all good things come to an end (but it's not the end) by @/capseycartwright / wafflesofdoom on ao3. notes: i will, in fact, devour every buddie!fwb au ever written but this one is especially great

you smiled and it was the most beautiful thing that I'd ever seen by @/capseycartwright / wafflesofdoom on ao3. notes: coffee shop!buddie have become everything to me wdym

it's funny 'cause i've always dreamed of me and you by @/capseycartwright / wafflesofdoom on ao3. notes: yes i did sob my heart out reading this and i'll do it again

'cause darling, you're the one by @/capseycartwright / wafflesofdoom on ao3. notes: icymi i think this author is the best author to ever exist and i want to devour everything they write forever

i don't think that we should have friendly sex, anymore by @/capseycartwright / wafflesofdoom on ao3. notes: !!!!!!! that's it that's the note. brain: faye you can't put this many fics by the same author on one masterlist. faye: bET-

still i call it magic (when i'm next to you) by @clusterbuck / lecornergirl on ao3. notes: urban fantasy is, in fact, my shit.

(this kiss is) something i can't resist by @/clusterbuck / lecornergirl on ao3. notes: NO BC THIS HAD ME CACKLING AND ALSO IT'S BRILLIANT

give me five more minutes, baby (i'm not finished loving you) by @/clusterbuck / lecornergirl on ao3. notes: fake dating or immaculate writing??? both

cuffing season by @/clusterbuck / lecornergirl on ao3. notes: i am still laughing at this and i may never stop

[syllvane]

beginnings- nikolai lantsov x reader

In another life, you might have found him handsome.

You might have been attracted to his golden hair and the arrogance that he carried with him, but it was hard to be attracted to him when your hands were locked and he had the key.

Besides, you don’t have room in your life for romantic machinations 

“You know, I think what’s been throwing me off is that you’re too pretty to be a criminal.” He said towards you and Jesper and Kaz fell silent.

Oh you were never going to hear the end of this.

“We should see how pretty you think I am when I break your fingers.” You retorted, slowly and silently working on the lock mechanism.

“Promise?” He replied almost instantly and your fingers stopped working for a second, stumbling at his response. “Oh, that reminds me, Alina Starkov. She-”

You tuned him out as you undid the rest of your restraints, starting to plot your escape from here.

The window was likely your best and only option, with guards conversing outside of the door behind you three, and the Sturmhond blocking the door in front.

The pirate caught your attention once again by producing more Kruge than you had ever seen at once in his hand, setting it down on the table.

“Twenty seconds,” he nodded to Kaz, turning to leave before looking at you, catching your eye one last time. “You could always join my crew. Always looking for new talent.”

“Go to hell.” You shot back and a wide smile appeared on his face.

“Worth a shot.” He said while walking through the pair of double doors.

Both you and Kaz shot out of your seats, Kaz walking towards the Kruge and you towards the window, which luckily had a landing empty of guards.

“I can’t believe he was flirting with you. A little help?” Jesper said, half-annoyed and Kaz tossed a coin towards him. You rolled your eyes.

“What am I supposed to… when did you know? That I’m a Durast?” Jesper asked, his voice growing soft as he transformed the coin into a lock pick with nothing but his hands.

“In the train, when we were crossing the Fold, in the train. And besides, when you shoot, you never miss and no one is that good.”

“I don’t-”

“Neither of us are gonna out you, Jes.” You said, half-focused on the guards trying to break through the door.

“I appreciate it, but I’m more interested in hearing that from him.”

You turned to Kaz. His eyes never left Jesper.

“I’m not going to out you.”

Jesper gave Kaz a single nod, the handcuffs falling to his feet.

“Let’s go.” You said, one leg already out the window.

[jccatstudios]

Just wanted to say I LOVE your comic adaptation and all your art, especially your Inej and Kaz!! You're awesome! Thanks for sharing your amazing talent with all of us (but especially me) <3<3

Thank you very much!!! Always happy whenever I get the time to work on the comic. Doodling this reminded me of how much I miss drawing them together…

[futurecorps3]

Hello my love! I have heard your call for Kaz requests and I have an idea rattling around in my head!

Could you maybe do a Kaz x fem!Reader where they're in their early 20s and have been together for years and overcome Kaz's touch aversion (bc our poor boy deserves some healing 😭)? But that's not the idea, the idea is that the reader hasn't been sleeping for a few nights and ends up getting hurt because of it? Could be from fainting and hitting her head, slow reflexes on a job, etc. I trust your brilliant mind!

I can't wait to watch you grow as a writer!!!! ❤️

𝐒𝐨𝐦𝐧𝐮𝐦

Masterlist<3

Summary: The lack of sleep Kaz has been warning his girl about finally has consequences. Pairing: Kaz Brekker x fem!reader Warnings: Mentions of overwoking, lack of sleep, blood, a very angsty moody angry sad Kazzle, mentions of blood and lost of conscience. The usual crow violence! Lmk if I missed any. Word Count: 3.5K whoops Requested: Yes

A/N: IM SORRY THIS TOOK SO LONG! :( I love the prompt, however and am very excited to work on this. Hope u like it nonnie and that last thing means the absolute world! <3

˚ · • . ° .

Now he knew he was in no position to demand her to rest. Kaz Brekker was known in his close circle for two things; killing whoever disrespected his love and always scheming. The electricity his brain consumed when plotting the next heist didn't even allow him to sleep when being tucked in with Y/N laying over his chest. But she never had the same issue before!

That's how it worked. She got mad because he wasn't sleeping and would reproach his ears off until he folded and left his papers to join her in bed. So, it was safe to say Kaz was startled when he noticed the absence of steps approaching his office. The clock read the time to be a quarter past midnight. He learned by endlessly scolding from you the hard way it was no use staying up late for a job when he had pretty much everything prepared, so he dropped everything and left to his room.

"Darling, are you-" his question was answered as he opened the door and saw her drawing on the little desk he got for her. "Hmm, hi love. It's quite early. What are you doing here?" Kaz wanted to laugh at that. Had she really lost notion of time that badly? "It's past midnight now, Y/N. What are you working on?" His shirt was discarded in some chair, along with his coat.

He was now in his dress pants and a black sleep blouse, leaning over the back of her chair to see the canvas. It was a picture of the sea, surely an image she hadn't been able to get out of her head after the quick trip you took to the docks with Wylan to ensure a better hiding spot, in case things went south on Saturday.

"I don't know if I'm getting the blues right... you know how it somehow turns gray when the day's rainy?" she wondered out loud. "Don't throw it away altogether, I know you're already thinking about it" "I'm not!" Y/N giggled, knowing fully her boyfriend could read her mind. "Fix it in the morning. Let's go to bed now, yes?" Kaz tried, tilting his head to her right side and nudging his nose a little on her cheek as she hummed in response.

It had taken a long time, many years, to reach these moments. Years of hoping she could one day have his arms draped around her waist in security, head on his chest without a care in the world, because all that really mattered was they'd be keeping each other warm with their bodies. Y/N was patient, not minding the baby-steps and Kaz's constant need to push her away because he thought she deserved better. Truth is, there was no one better for her.

Kaz had a hard time wrapping his head around this fact. Did you love him for him? A limping criminal who was too weak to even bear the thought of embracing you when tears streamed down your cheeks on a specially tough day? Why? It took convincing, long talks, difficult moments and even worse fights... but you made it.

She felt his steady heartbeat as they lay together in their silk black sheets, indulging in the beauty of it. Their breathings became one, and she swore there was no better place the saints could come up with as heaven. "Everything's ready?" "Yes, I figured I should come here with you instead of overthinking it all. I'll tell everyone the plan tomorrow and revise it again the day before" he took a deep breath, turning to face her and leaving a soft kiss on her lips.

"It's late, you don't seem tired" Kaz noted, Y/N's eyes nowhere near closing as they usually would by now. Her boyfriend, on the contrary, was starting to hide that beautiful icy green his irises held, then came a yawn to confirm his fatigue. "Rest, my love. I'm sure I'm not too far behind," she assured him, pecking his head as he lay on her chest now.

"Goodnight, Kaz".

˚ · • . ° .

It may as well have been minutes, or hours, days, for all she cared to reason. All she knew was that she couldn't sleep for the life of her. Kaz moved a lot in his sleep and after he lost hold of her, the night became a non-stop tossing and turning in their shared bed. She could hear the faint sound of carriages passing down their street, surely carrying some rich merchant who just had the night of his life betting or in one of the pleasure houses.

It had been a while since she felt this way. Pretty much every night prior Kaz offered her a permanent position on the crows after she worked with them was like this. The clock in their room, hanging on a wall distant from her, kept ticking and if it got quiet enough, she could've been able to hear the gears turning. Three in the bloody morning and Y/N had luckily gotten by far twenty minutes of sleep. The girl sighed and lay down again, looking up at the ceiling briefly before closing her eyes in hopes of resting a little more.

She didn't, not even in the days ahead. Kaz pointed out how he could feel her moving way more than usual as his a light sleeper, not blaming her whatsoever but more concerned as to what was keeping her up. Y/N didn't know either, so she figured solving it with Jesper's coffee and quick (very ineffective) naps on the couches and tables at the slat so she could at least be aware of the task at hand; the job.

The day came, and she felt very optimistic about it all. Truth is, Y/N loved dressing up with pretty dresses and daggers hidden around her thighs. She found some kind of satisfaction in keeping this knowledge to herself, the men and women throwing looks at her, completely unaware of how dangerous she happened to be. People on the streets knew her as the wild child... ruthlessly gorgeous, is what Kaz called her.

The girl had a habit of getting carried away in a fight. Too much anger and resentment for the past had to find an exit. It did when she killed, leaving a scared Jesper to deal with an even more scared Wylan who wouldn't dare look her in the eye for weeks after she kept on punching a man's face she saw was trying to kidnap a little girl right after a job years ago. Kaz helped and understood.

His revenge was calculating and took years in which she was by her side, but Y/N just couldn't help herself when it came down to the people who did unspeakable things to her. With the years, she got a hold of herself even though her nickname on the barrel stuck, adding "the crow queen" when word got around she was Brekker's girl. Now, she was still ruthless but way more cold-headed and grounded, Kaz's doing.

She wore a pink dress with embroidered roses around the floaty sleeves. Inej had a blue set of dress pants and shirt, long-sleeved as well as Nina sported a hot red strapless dress with a lot of cleavage. "We're a smoke show! Those fuckers will barely be able to keep their eyes off of us." The last one squealed, adjusting her hair "That's the point" Inej giggled, agreeing clearly as she looked at herself in the mirror.

Y/N laughed at the thought and her head pained a little; Girls on those big houses did the very same thing they were doing now, with very different intentions. Those ladies wanted to find a rich husband, and they'd be set. Her friends were dressed to kill, and so was she. A little fucked up version of a cliché she, too, wished to live when she was little. "I hope these sleeves aren't an issue" she wondered, picturing them getting stuck on their knife or maybe being too tight to throw a punch.

"It's a simple job, love. There's nothing to be worried about! Also, I can bet on my life Kaz is going to be drooling over you when he sees." Nina smiled, playfully smacking her shoulder. "Even more so if you fight in that, he's going to go insane" spoke the Suli girl with a giggle "Kinky" the heartrender added, making the girlfriends break in a fit of laughter. Nina was right, Y/N knew, but decided against confirming her friend's assumptions.

Her eyes felt droopy from the obvious lack of sleep but nothing a cup of coffee couldn't fix, right? She walked down the stairs and into the makeshift kitchen they owned, heating up some. The smell filled her body with pleasant chills, and suddenly some more energy invaded her. "Wacha got there?" asked Wylan, who was quietly sitting behind her. How long had he been there? How did she not notice?

"Coffee, want some?" "Right before a job?" "Yes, I haven't been sleeping too well the last couple of days". Certain zemeni voice erupted from outside the room, exclaiming a brief "Neither have us!" that had the merchling blushing like he got some contagious disease. Y/N delivered a pat on his back, and coffee in hand she exited the room.

Kaz gathered everyone in the living room, to revise the plan once more. "...so make sure you cover that corn-" He stopped mid-sentence when Y/N came into view. Her hair looked polished, but she could be bald for all he cared. The dress complimented her figure beautifully, adjusting in the right places, which to Kaz was any place, really. Inej and Nina giggled and high fived. "Go on, love." She smiled, ready to listen attentively at his plan even though he made sure to walk her through it personally a few hours ago.

As Y/N brushed next to him, he grabbed her hand to make her stop right before she got seated. "You're stunning. Is it comfortable?" he whispered, looking at her with a certain glow in his eyes he once thought lost. "Yes, dear. Thank you" she pecked her boy's cheek and took a seat behind him. He went on with the plan, and everyone seemed pretty much ready to leave.

So they did.

˚ · • . ° .

"Darling, watch out!" Jesper exclaimed, shooting at a man behind Y/N. Things went south, they did. In the hiding spot Wylan and the girl had settled; some dreg must've ratted, they guessed. An ambush from some new-forming band trying to get known by stealing from The Crows themselves, pathetic. Inej had gotten there to help, but Y/N and Jesper insisted she went back and warned the others so to spare them from possible damage.

The wild child and Jesper were a great team, who knew a durast and an avid fighter could take down men three times their size and weight? They proved on many occasions to be useful for situations as these, so there was no problem. They'd be out of there in the blink of an eye. Around ten people had arrived at the scene, and four remained, Y/N realized as she took a kick in the gut and fell on her back, jumping back on her feet with a flip.

Jes' revolvers did the job for two others as she managed with the guy in front of her. "Come on, big guy, that can't be the best you got, aye?" she smiled wickedly, taunting the man with a daring hand despite the very much broken rib she could feel. The dress was ruined with blood she was sure wasn't hers, shreds ripped it off so largely one of her legs was now exposed.

He lunged forward, coming with a dirty blade to her throat, and she skipped it. Came again, now, aiming for her arm and she skipped it again, landing a kick on the throat that left him coughing on the ground. Y/N crouched to his level and grabbed him by the hair, sliding a knife in the same spot, careful not to cut. She noticed a tattoo on his neck, a beaver. Couldn't help but laugh. "You tell your boss not to mess around with us, or next time he won't get too lucky as to get less than half of his men in one piece. And change the tattoo, a bloody beaver? Seriously?"

The man nodded furiously, tripping on his way out of the warehouse. "A beaver? Their thing is beavers?" Jesper laughed, putting his babies back in place and making sure the painting they had stolen was still with him. "I know, couldn't pick a funnier thing" she answered, giggling. Looking around, something was odd. Yes, Y/N was not very well educated and lacked the month of college her best friend had, but she thought she counted four men remaining in this spot of the building.

The other six lay limp near the door, and there were two next to them, plus the one who ran with the message. One was missing. "Hey Jes I think we're missing one" "What do you mean? There's no one here". She stopped listening and her world went quiet when he met his yes. A lanky, tall figure could be seen next to a stack of boxes on her right, a flicking light revealing him for brief intervals of time. Ugly motherfucker carrying a gun that pointed straight at her.

The blood started gushing out of her leg before she could even react. "Too slow" she faintly heard. He wasn't stopping either; shooting at various places until one loud boom next to her made it cease. Was concrete always this cold? Oh, she was now feeling Jesper's soft suit. Warmer. "Is that wool?" Y/N asked and realized her voice sounded a little quieter than she meant. "Yes, it is doll. Open your eyes for me, okay? You can't die on me now"

She really tried. She really wanted to look at her best friends face and maybe hear him crack a joke or two. But her eyes felt droopy and her head felt heavy so she finally fell asleep.

˚ · • . ° .

Kaz arrived minutes later, Wylan, Nina and Inej by his side as they all rushed to a crying Jesper, desperately trying to wake Y/N up. "S-she got shot, didn't flinch.. like she didn't even see the bastard," he hiccuped, letting his boss take his place next to a limp body as his boyfriend helped him up and hugged him tightly.

Brekker's head spun. A thousand possibilities. There was blood all over the dress, and leaking over his clothes but he couldn't give a fuck. Not her. He couldn't bare it. Y/N was a piece of heaven in that saint forsaken island, the only saint he ever believed in and the angel that saved him from himself. If he lost her, there was no coming back for him. The water rose to his nose again for a brief moment.

It hadn't happened in a while. And he chose the techniques his lover taught him. He acted. "Nina" he mumbled, taking Y/N on his arms as the grisha girl assured him she had a pulse. His legs carried him to the slat, never too far from Nina, as she was making sure her pulse didn't slow down too much. He didn't even notice the pain in his bad leg. He felt a sting on his heart, so sharp it seemed as if pieces of broken glass would poke through it at any moment.

The boy sent Inej looking for whatever idiot decided it was a good idea to try and steal from them. Only information. He'd take care of them later. The Wraith left and was out all night, returning with a lot to say the next morning. Kaz looked over at Y/N's face and the utter peace that brushed over her features scared him even more. Not now. Not like this.

"Is she going to be okay? T-there was definitely something wrong with her back there" Jesper started once the girl was on the bed and getting healed with a few healers in the dregs and Nina. Kaz was sitting, head propped up in his hands as he stared at the wall opposite from him. "She didn't move! At all! He shot her three times and looked amused while doing it". The zemeni man had to stop if he wasn't trying to reunite with the other deceased blessed people on his bloodline. Kaz's stare hardened and his jaw clenched tightly.

"Wylan, I can't lose her. She was too slow a-" "ENOUGH" Kaz stood up, looking at him with murder in his eyes. "If you were more aware of the surroundings, she would be fine. Don't you dare call her slow. This is not her fault. You should've been there" menacing gloved finger pointing to his friend. "Oh, so this is my problem now?" Jesper countered in complete disbelief. "If you don't consider your best friend's life being at critical risk a problem you're much more of a superficial, incompetent and heartless bastard than I thought." Kaz spat.

He knew this wasn't Jesper's fault, maybe it was the lack of sleep or you just weren't on your element. But he had to let it out with someone. Anyone. Pain turns into anger and screaming at your brother when it's too strong. He knew that better than anyone and couldn't care to stop himself this time. "Kaz, stop" Wylan said, and then he noticed Jesper's puffy eyes with a sigh. Then he felt his own neck starting to tickle. He was crying. Kaz Brekker didn't cry.

"Out" "But Ka-" "I SAID OUT"

And out they were. Everyone who didn't need to be there to save his girl's life. He could hear Nina struggling between wrecked sobs, fast pacing around the room and a distant sound of water running non-stop. Hours passed, and he remained in the same position, in the same chair, with the same thoughts running wild inside him.

Not you. Please. I should've been there. I'm going to kill them. Please be okay. I can't do it without her. Please.

Kaz Brekker was repeating pleas, thinking out loud to whoever was listening. Let her live. Please let her live. This is not her fault. Not to a god, neither to those saints who proved to exist so many years ago. He didn't know who he was asking for help to. But he was screaming, please don't let her go. He was leaving with her if she did.

All sound stopped, and Nina emerged from the dimly lit room, drying her cheeks. The boy stood up, looking at her with the most terrified look he ever gave someone. Fuck the facade. He was utterly afraid. "She's okay, not waking up, but she will". He let out a breath he didn't know he was holding and couldn't help but throw himself into Nina's arms in search for some comfort to his wrecked sobs.

His friend received him with open arms, careful not to squeeze him too hard, as she knew that could trigger him. "I can't lose her, Nina" he whimpered before pulling away. "You're not. Not now and not soon. She's okay, Kaz. Stay with her, will you? She could be a little startled if she wakes up in an empty room"

He almost scoffed at that. What else would he do? A quiet nod was delivered, and he stepped inside to accompany her in an uncharacteristically unsettling silence. There were dirty gauzes everywhere, her dirty dress discarded in a corner and a blanket covering her figure. Kaz stopped, looking at your chest. It rose and fell in a moderate rhythm. Good.

Taking a seat once again, he held her hand and brushed a thumb over it, grateful to whoever listened. And Nina.

Sun bled through the curtains, filling it all with a pleasant orange hue Kaz knew Y/N would appreciate. Jesper came by every few hours and amends were made. He understood how badly everything hit Kaz the day before and didn't need an apology. They were all under intense pressure the day before, couldn't blame him for a such a reaction. Wylan had brought flowers and Inej made sure everything was ready for when she regained consciousness.

His crows got it handled.

A whole day and a half had gone by and he was reading beside her when she woke up. Her hand moved and he could feel the twitch in his palm, looking up frantically to find those pretty y/e/c eyes looking back at him. "Finally, got some sleep," she joked and laughed at her own joke. Kaz laughed back. "Hello" he offered, kissing her hand and never really wanting to let go "Hi". "Are you feeling okay?" the boy asked, happy to see his lover once again awake.

"It hurts a bit but I'll live" "I'm counting on that, my love". ♡

[kasagia]

Bruises and scars

Pairing: Kaz Brekker x fem! tidemaker! reader Summary: Kaz Brekker believed he was too broken and bruised to ever count on you reciprocating his childish crush. You were a powerful Grisha, someone who wouldn't be content to be in a relationship with the human shell that he was. That's why he gives you the cold shoulder, that's why he avoids you like the water you wield so well, that's why he tried to drive you away after the day you confessed your feelings to him. Kaz Brekker couldn't love anyone. It would not be beneficial to either side. But Kaz Rietveld rises from the dead, reminding him of what it's like to feel unconditional, blind love. And he won't give up. Not until he gets his girl back... isn't it too late for that, though? Warning(s): Kaz and his trauma; violence; he's afraid of his feelings but loves the reader; generally Kazzle misses the reader; angst with fluff; I'm a sucker for happy endings, but the boy suffered WITHOUT HIS INVESTMENT; mentions of de@th and bl00d Word count: 7,4k

Counting days, counting days since my love up and got lost on me

"You're sending Jesper to do your dirty work for you? I didn't know you were afraid to talk to one of your own crows." you stormed into his office without even bothering to knock. Kaz swallowed. He really should have been better prepared for this conversation. After all, he knew you wouldn't give up so easily. "What is this?" you asked, slamming the wad of paper onto his desk.

"I thought you could read. This is your next job." he replied calmly, not looking up from the papers in his hand.

"In some snobbish fucking king's palace? Are you kidding me?"

"Nikolai isn't that bad. You'll see when you get there."

"And what makes you think that I will voluntarily leave Ketterdam, the club, my friends, and the Crows for two bloody years, Kaz?" for the first time since you walked into his office, he looked up from his papers, fixing you with a cool, impassive gaze.

"That I'm your boss, and you have to obey me. You needed a reminder, judging by the tone of voice you use when you speak to me."

"Was it because of what I said to you when I almost..."

"No!" he growled at you, stopping you from finishing your sentence. That day had already joined his nightmares anyway. He didn't have to constantly recall your almost-death. "It has nothing to do with it." he said, hoping that would put an end to your conversation and went back to writing down the numbers.

"Do not lie to me. I know when you do it, Kaz. You got scared because I said I love…"

"You can go and get ready, Y/N." he said without looking up from the paper he was holding. He had never felt her gaze so hot and intense on him before. They always glanced furtively at each other, discreetly indulging in the silly fantasy of loving each other.

Like they could ever afford to live a normal life. As if he could ever love you properly—the way you deserved.

You stared at him intently, trying to find any trace of emotion in him, any evidence that he didn't really want to send you away from Ketterdam, that he was only doing it because Dirtyhands was afraid of the growing feeling between you two.

"I can hold on like this, Kaz." your soft whisper cut through him, making him shiver. He could bear your screams, your anger, your madness, but the tenderness, the vulnerability you showed only around him… was much more dangerous to the cold Barrel Bastard. "I can go and return to you like nothing happened. I can stay near you and pretend I don't feel anything towards you. I can stop myself from wishing for your slightest touch. I can hide my true emotions around you and other people, just like I have done before… but please just prove to me that it's all worth it. That you can slowly take off pieces of your armour and let me see and be with the real you. Not the Brekker's mask you wore every time we were on Ketterdam's street. Not the Dirtyhands' cruel version of yourself that you created to survive in this town. Not the Bastard from the Barrel, who has so much power in his hands to take down his every enemy. Just the real you, Kaz. The genius-mind boss who cares about his people, not only the kruge. The man who loves his friends more than anything on this earth. The man who risked his own life and saved me from death's arms more times than I could count. Please… just give me this little piece of hope." he tried hard not to raise his gaze to meet your captivating, imploring irises that could touch Brekker's heart.

He knew that the moment he looked at your face, he would doom you both by giving in to this burning desire to be with you.

But he couldn't.

He had to keep you away from him.

"You must be foolish or delusional to think like that. I'm the Bastard from the Barrel. And I care about my crows, because they are good investments. Nothing more and nothing less, Y/L/N."

"Is this everything that we are? What am I to you? An investment?"

Kaz's mouth went dry as he felt the waters rising around him, when a familiar feeling of panic began to seep through his practised mask. He looked away, not wanting you to read his true emotions. Not wanting you to see how much he wanted to confess his true feelings to you.

No. You're my moon, my sun that illuminates me in my darkness. The reason why I'm even bothering to learn how to touch people without going under the water again. You give me hope and peace every time you're close to me. You're my greatest power and weakness. The only one in this bloody world who can change my plans. The only one I care about in the mornings, afternoons, nights, and midnights. I can't drink, eat, think, sleep, or work without thinking about you. You have the power over me. And that's terrified me.

He desperately wanted to give in to his desire.

But he couldn't.

He was too bruised and broken for you.

"Then I have my answer, Mr. Brekker." you broke the long, tense silence between you two. Kaz was too terrified to shift his gaze from the papers on his desk to the only woman who could easily crack the wall around his cold, almost dead heart with one of your smiles towards him. Too afraid to watch the tender expression on your face turn into a cold detachment, just like your tone of voice. "Sorry for taking up your precious time, boss. But I would rather be the foolish girl who falls in love too easily for her own good than a powerful man who doesn't want to feel anything. Nobody will sit around the table and tell a story about a man who loves only his kruge. No matter how great he was." your disappointed whisper lingered in his office long after you left.

He sat dazed in his chair until the candle stub burned out completely, leaving him alone in the darkness of his office. He stood up, lit a new candle, and watched the flame. He couldn't focus on anything other than replaying your conversation.

Rietveld's voice echoed in Brekker's head, somehow getting through his wall, mocking powerful Dirtyhands.

Coward.

And every breath that I’ve been taking since you left feels like a waste on me

"No way!" Jesper's loudspeaker scream snapped Kaz out of his thoughts. He sighed, rubbing his face with his hand, and got up from the desk.

He has done nothing since that fateful conversation. Absolutely nothing. He limited himself to staring blankly at the wall as his thoughts of Y/N effectively took complete control of him. He needed a distraction. Jesper's screams outside his office were perfect.

Without his cane, he walked to the door, eavesdropping on what was going on outside his office.

"Find another idiot to tell him. Or better yet, grab some suicide guy from the roof. If he wants to die anyway, he might as well act as a messenger for their one last time before Kaz rips their head off. SHIT!" the sharpshooter screamed in panic, nearly losing his balance as the door he was partially leaning against was opened by his rather worried boss. "Kaz, the fuck, since when are you sneaking around like that?!"

"Why exactly would I want to have ripped someone's heads off, Jesper?" he ignored his comment, eager to find out what they were hiding from him as soon as possible.

Maybe that would effectively occupy his head, so he could stop thinking about the tidemaker for a while. Unfortunately, neither of the two were in a hurry to answer his question.

"You know, there's always an occasion. Theft, insult, threat, frown, bad day, wedding, christening…" Jesper shut up, seeing that his attempts at a joke only infuriated an already irritated Kaz.

"Y/N is gone." Kaz unconsciously held his breath, feeling the whole world freeze around him for a moment, until anger and panic took hold of him.

"What? Did someone kidnap her? How did you look after her?!" he growled furiously, walking back to the office and limping towards his cane. His crows followed hesitantly, watching him struggle as he tried to put on his cloak in his haste.

"She runaway. I lost track of her around the harbour." a new revelation made Kaz freeze again. He stared blankly into the space between Jesper and Inej, turning his cane's crow head in his hand.

He should have anticipated that too. Had a backup plan. But he didn't. He's been acting strangely lately. He didn't recognize himself. But after all, that was what he had wanted all along - to stay away from Y/N. So why had her disappearance made him feel so much worse?

"Kaz? Should we send some people to…"

"No need, Inej. Go back to work. You too, Jesper." the gambler looked like he wanted to argue with him, but the Wraith, seeing their friend's strange behavior, grabbed his hand, and they obediently walked away from their boss.

Kaz leaned against the desk, dullly staring at the closed door.

It was supposed to be better that way. Neither you nor he will ever meet again. You won't exchange those longing glances again. You won't act like a couple of teenagers in love, and no one will ever attack or harm you to get to him again or to threaten him. Nobody was going to get hurt.

So why did he feel like he was going back under the water?

I’ve been holding on to hope That you’ll come back when you can find some peace Cause every word that I’ve heard spoken since you left feels like an hollow street

One week, two days, 10 hours, 34 minutes and 29 seconds. That's how long it's been since he last saw your face.

He was secretly hoping you'd come back to him and the crows. Fuck the crows, he just wanted you to walk through that damned door again and start arguing with him, shouting at him, cursing his name at all the saints you knew, so he could hear your voice again.

He missed you. More than he thought he would.

Irritatingly, everything around him reminded him of you.

Especially your empty seat during Crow's meetings. No one dared to occupy it, as if every one of the gathered was waiting for you to come through that door (or window) again with a malicious, characteristic smirk on your face, mumbling some insincere apology for being late.

It never happened. Though Inej prayed to her saints every day for your return. Just like the others. Although each of them experienced your departure differently. Jes stared often at the places you once occupied, imagining you were still there. Nina found herself often making too many waffles (of course, accidentally making exactly the few you were used to eating). Wylan often creates his bombs and other things in your favourite colours.

But Kaz probably took your absence the worst of them all.

If he had slept little before, fearing that nightmares about Jordie would haunt him, now he hardly slept at all. Because every time he closed his eyes, he saw your face. He heard your laugh. He smelled your perfume. He felt cursed. Cursed by you the moment your eyes looked at him full of sadness, anger, and disappointment... full of pain.

He thought that if you disappeared from his sight, he would forget about you and go back to normal. But your leaving only made him think of you more often and longer. He sat behind his desk for hours, staring blankly at the papers in front of him. Spread out plans, bills, and maps; it all stopped making sense to him. It stopped coming together, creating a perfect plan in his head.

All he could think about was you.

And Rietveld's voice, instead of being silenced and buried alive in his cold heart with your disappearance, only broke through his hard surface more and more often with the passing days without you by his side. And he wasn't holding back from taunting Dirtyhands at all.

The great Kaz Brekker fell victim to one of his own plans.

There must be something in the water Cause everyday it's getting colder And if only I could hold you You'd keep my head from going under

Even Ketterdam has felt your absence.

This time of year, it usually warms up enough for people to shed their heavy winter coats. However, it was the middle of spring, and a cool, icy wind still blew through the streets, bringing occasional, small snowfalls that melted on the street, creating mud.

Kaz had never despised the city he lived in more. Even it laughed in his face at his stupidity, reminding him that it was his fault that the only spark of joy and bewitchingness in this damned city had gone.

He shuddered as a child shoved past him, running happily to the ship that had come into harbour and thrown itself into its father's waiting arms. Brekker began to take rapid, panicked breaths. He closed his eyes and leaned against the wall of one of the buildings, trying to imagine something other than Jordie.

His haphephobia got worse.

Earlier, he could bear the fleeting touch of strangers, such as being brushed up against him in a crowd. It was no problem for him to touch his crows for a few minutes (especially you and your comfortable hugs, holding your hand, or just feeling your warm skin under his bare fingertips).

But now even the slightest contact with a stranger brought him immediately under the water. And the tiny touch from his crows raised the waves he had to calm in the privacy of his office.

He was rolling down. He knew it well. But he saw it as his personal punishment for hurting your feelings in a brutal way instead of gently cutting you off. Maybe then it wouldn't hurt so much.

Kaz knew he was fooling himself. He would suffer anyway. He let you go too deep under his skin, penetrate his essence, and know his soul too well to just give up on you, and forget about you.

And what terrified him most was that, given the choice, he would let you in again. Even knowing he would be devastated after letting you go.

But it was better for you. You deserved something better than this life you would live with him.

And that one thought kept him sane. That he did it for your own good, that wherever you are now, he's sure you're better off than you were in Ketterdam.

Which didn't stop him from checking every ship that came into port in the sick hope of seeing your angelic face.

He just had to get over his grief. He did the same with Jordie.

The only difference was that he didn't dream of holding his brother back in his arms like he dreamed of you.

Maybe I, maybe I’m just being blinded By the brighter side Of what we had because it’s over Well there must be something in the tide

Kaz was on your bed, reading one of your books you accidentally left behind. It was all he could do lately. He wasn't sure how long it had been since he'd left that room for anything other than food and a change of clothes. He missed you. And he had no idea what he should do.

He inhaled your faint scent on the pillows.

In some strange way (probably because of your ability to control the water), you always smelled of the sea, even when you weren't near the harbour. Kaz hated water and hated the salty sea smell that hit him whenever he passed near the harbour. It reminded him of Jordie. But inexplicably, the smell of the sea on you brought him comfort, safety... peace.

Now it was a reminder of something else—how he let you slip through his fingers. In fact, he pushed you away from himself.

He shook his head, trying not to think about you. However, the world was always against him and never made things easy for him. The fact that the dried flower had fallen out of the book onto his chest was proof of that.

With trembling hands, he set the book aside and reached for the flower, afraid he would ruin it. However, the need to see if his eyes were deceiving him was greater than the fear of spoiling such a precious thing.

He remembered that flower. He put it in your hair himself.

"Just the two of us in a field of flowers? If I didn't know you better, I'd think it was a date, boss." he rolled his eyes as you giggled at his reaction.

"Stop it. Or they'll notice us." he muttered, trying to ignore the cool wind that somehow made its way through the high grass. He wrapped his cloak around him, enviously noting that the girl next to him didn't seem to feel that cold. He internally slapped himself for wanting to share his cloak with her.

"I highly doubt they'd want to look for us in that thicket of grass. Besides, usually when a woman is giggling at a place and situation like this, stealing some noblewoman's jewels is the last thing on her mind, Kaz. The same applies to her potential partner."

"As if I heard Jesper." he sighed, focusing on the nobles in front of them. The plan was for Jesper to distract them while he and Y/N collected what they had come for. Simple and fast, if his childish desire to be paired with Y/N did not overwhelm his senses. She distracted him more than he could afford.

"You and Jes also had a secret meeting among the wildflowers? Now, I'm jealous."

"Jes?" he asked, turning his surprised gaze on her.

"Yes, do you mind?"

"You've known him for a week." he remarked dryly.

"Yes, and what?"

"It took you two months to start calling me by my first name, let alone a nickname."

"Just because you preferred to call me tidemaker instead of using my name."

"To be honest, it might have slipped my mind then." he muttered under his breath, not realising she heard him.

"You forgot my fucking name?! Kaz Brekker you are the most ignorant person I've ever seen." Kaz knew from the anger in her eyes that only his haphephobia kept him from getting his ass kicked by Y/N.

"Well, now I remember." he tried to defend himself.

"I don't care, Brekker. Now you can even call me the fucking Easter Bunny and I won't answer you anyway."

"Don't be a child, Y/N. Y/N?" Kaz sighed in frustration when he got no response from you.

He had to come up with something; he knew this name thing wouldn't be resolved until he appeased you properly. And he didn't have time to indulge in your sulks. You had to rob these people. (It's not like his heart ached when you were mad at him.)

Fortunately, out of the corner of his eye, he saw something that might help him. Your favourite flower, growing at his fingertips. He plucked a plant and put it behind your ear without thinking. You flinched at the sudden touch, staring at him in shock as the material of his gloves brushed your cheek as he pulled his hand away.

"Maybe I forgot your name then, but now I remember and know a lot more about you than just a stupid name."

"But how… how do you know I like y/f/f?" you asked in shock, never in your wildest dreams imagining that Kaz Brekker would bother with something like your favorite flower.

"You are my tidemaker. My most important investment. It's logical that I'll know you inside out."

"Should I be afraid or appreciate this unsettling but sweet effort?"

"You should know by now that nothing I do is sweet."

"Of course, big, terrible, Dirtyhands." you replied with a small smirk, similar to the one that kept Kaz from your sight.

To her, he could be more than Kaz Brekker. He could be Kaz Rietveld. And it terrified him more than the urge to reach out his hand again and fix her windblown hair.

The mastermind has been deceived by his own heart.

I’ve been told, I’ve been told to get you off my mind But I hope I never lose the bruises that you left behind Oh my Lord, oh my Lord, I need you by my side

"Zenik. Follow me." he muttered as he finally found the woman at the bar. He headed for his office without looking back, knowing full well that she would do as she was told this time.

"Yes, Kaz?"

"You are contacting Y/N." it wasn't a question. He knew it the moment Nina sent you her first letter a month ago.

He himself tried to send you his letter a week ago. It came back unopened, and the delivery man said no such person lives at this address. A lie he recognised without even knowing that Nina and you were still writing to each other.

"I am." she replied coolly. Kaz, seeing that he did not want to voluntarily cooperate, sighed and sat down in his chair. His leg was starting to hurt more and more often - another thing that went bad with you leaving.

"How is she?"

"Happy. Relatively. She is tormented by nightmares and unwanted thoughts about you." if Nina wanted to make him feel guilty, she did it brilliantly.

He already felt terrible without her judging eyes and dry answers. She must have seen the shadows under his eyes, as he did in his mirror. He had no right to pity himself. He knew it well. That's why he put up with Nina's attitude, in his stupid desire to know how you were doing.

"So… is she better off than here?"

"No. But that's not your problem anymore."

"Did she find someone?" he asked hesitantly, afraid of an affirmative answer.

"Possibly, things are evolving."

Kaz felt the world stop around him for a moment. The idea of someone else watching how you play with water and create ice sculptures, someone listening to your beautiful voice and making you laugh, someone capable of holding you and kissing you, made him sick. A sick sense of jealousy that Kaz only experienced when he saw the wealth of others.

A rash desire to come for you overtook him. He had to have you back. Before you fall in love with someone other than him.

"Do you think if we…"

"No, Kaz." Nina cut him off before he could ask a question. "You wanted to get rid of her, so hold on to your fucking decision. You hurt her, and you knew damn well you would, by ordering her to return to Ravka. Honestly, Kaz, did you think about how it would impact her? How she would feel? If you wanna break her heart again, go on. Chase her. Let's see if she forgives you also this time."

"Then what should I do?" he asked, and the desperation and hopelessness of his tone terrified both him and the woman standing in front of his desk. Nobody had ever seen him like this. Even you. And now he was ready to open up to anyone just to have you by his side again.

"Forget about her. After all, that's what you wanted, right?" he did not answer.

She was right. He wanted to get rid of you. Now he was paying the price, and he had no right to ask you to ease his pain and return to the Kettedram. Return to him. Which doesn't mean that his stupid heart will just let him forget about you. He's learned that over the months without you. And he cursed all the saints that he didn't know it until he gave you the cold shoulder.

Kaz no longer had the right to your affection. He had to accept it. He had to accept that he had given up his chance to love you. That now you had every right to go and love someone else. Even if the very idea drove him crazy and desperate.

He must have forgotten about you. For the sake of all of you.

But Nina's slamming of his office door only brought him back to his memories of you.

There must be something in the water Cause everyday it's getting colder And if only I could hold you You'd keep my head from going under

Kaz fell. He was in the most pathetic position.

He didn't care, though, as he sat like a fool on the shore of the same lake where he met you. At which he irreversibly gave you the remnants of his heart a few years ago, without even knowing it.

He told himself that Nina was right. Once he let you go, he had to persevere in that resolve. Ketterdam will only bring you pain... so why was it so hard for him to let go of his last ties to you?

"Why are you coming here with me?" your gentle voice snapped him out of his thoughts as he stared spellbound at your little water show.

"Am I bothering you?" he asked, shifting in his place on the dock as he watched you float in the lake.

He wouldn't even dip his little toe in himself, but he liked to silently watch you become one with what was dear to you. And by the way, he could admire your skills and beauty as much as he wanted. He didn't have to look for any particular excuse.

"No. It's just that I've never seen you watch your other crows train."

"They're not like you." it slipped out before he could think about it. "If anyone sees you, I better get them before they announce to the world that one of the Black General's tidemakers has taken refuge with me." your smirk dropped at the mere mention of your former life. Kaz cursed in his mind. "You are also too valuable an investment. And the rest of the crows liked you. It's a big achievement. Inej doesn't let new people in so easily... me too."

"So you like me after all, boss?" you asked with that mischievous smirk on your lips that made his heart beat like crazy. Good thing water was your specialty. At least you didn't hear his heart pounding.

"You're tolerable company, and what you can do… what you can do is amazing."

"It's just little tricks." you murmured, forming different shapes out of the water. "At the king's parties, I was quite often one of the highlights." you waved your hand, freezing the water to form an ice statue. His statue. "Not every tidemaker is strong enough to freeze water." with another wave of your hand, to his silent displeasure, you melted the ice. "Not to mention turning ice into water again. Most just stop at its liquid form and don't train any more. I like to think I'm too curious to ever stop exploring my powers."

"Or stubborn." he said with a small smirk, listening to your wonderful laugh.

He must have been cursed from the start, since fate had put someone so perfect in his path... someone he could never have. But he could have been watching you. Enjoy his eyes with your beauty and his ears with the tone of your voice.

"Sometimes that's a good trait too. You taught me that yourself."

"How convenient for you to learn from me only what you want and not what you need."

"Sometimes what we want is more important than what we need and what is more rational for us."

"What for example?"

"Love." he tried to keep a poker face, but apparently his eyes betrayed more than he would have liked, as you gave him a confused, questioning look. "What? You've never been in love?"

NO. Not until he looked into your eyes and heard you laugh. Not until he got into your first argument with you and lost with a smile on his face. Not until he first saw you use your powers to outsmart the bandits who attacked you. Not until he saw how the moonlight in Ketterdam made your eyes shine even more than usual, so that you might as well have lit up all of the city with your beauty. Not until he first heard his name come out of your mouth. No, until he foolishly began to believe in Inej's saints, when he saw how tenderly and kindly you treat the orphans in the streets of Ketterdam.

"This silence means either a very powerful heartbreak, or you really only love a kruge."

"What if I really never loved anyone? What if I don't believe in love?" he whispered, looking up at you. You sneaked up to him so that you were standing in front of him. Water trickled down your hair and along your neck to the hand you held out to him. You opened your hand, handing him a small shell.

"The world is too cruel for such beliefs, Kaz. If we don't believe in love, why should we get out of bed at all? Why do we accumulate all these riches and try to survive each day?" Kaz didn't know the answer. Not one that would allow him to avoid the uncomfortable subject of his feelings for you.

He took the shell from you and, being careful not to break it, put it in his pouch. Along with the other little things you fished out of the water.

Your eyes met. You stared into the other's eyes for a moment, lost in your own dreams, which were not too different from each other... Yet neither of you had the courage to admit them out loud and risk everything you had been so carefully building between yourselves. Even if your hearts burned for more.

So he sat with you in silence, watching you play with the water and analysing what you told him. What was the reason for his existence?

Kaz from a year ago would have answered quickly and without thinking. Revenge. But now that he was looking at you, he wasn't so sure about his answer… or at least it was closer to something much different than his desire for revenge.

Ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh Ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh Ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh Ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh It's your love I'm lost in Your love I'm lost in Your love I'm lost in And I'm tired of being so exhausted

He sat behind his desk, involuntarily reminiscing about the day it all began.

The day he almost lost you. The day you almost died in his arms. The day you told him something he secretly wanted to hear but wasn't prepared for. The day he will curse forever.

This was your first assignment after returning from Ravka and the whole sun summoner thing. A childish, simple burglary. Something to warm up his crows—a return to the reality of Ketterdam without queens and kings and politics.

And so it was. You filled your pockets with valuables and were about to leave when one of the guards spotted you. They were much better armed than you (it was supposed to be a simple robbery with no witnesses and no blood spilled, so you only had daggers and knives "just in case") and strangely familiar with all the secret passages in the small mansion.

Even though you found yourself in a terrible situation, you managed to leave the property. You laid out in the finish as you and Kaz ran towards the club. One of the guards shot at you and hit you. Very accurate, almost piercing your heart with a bullet.

Kaz stared dazedly as you screamed in pain as you clutched your chest and tumbled onto the muddy, cobbled road. He reacted faster than he thought, throwing the dagger at the man who shot you and killing him instantly. Inej would have praised him for such a throw.

But that effective kill didn't matter to him now. He ran over to you in a panic and kneeled beside you, tugging at the fabric of your shirt. He hissed as he saw the blood pouring down your skin.

"Kaz..." you groaned, looking at him terrified. Kaz ripped off a piece of his shirt and wrapped it tightly around your waist, trying to stop the gushing blood. "Cold." you mumbled, shivering in his arms. Brekker didn't even notice as he placed you in his lap; he was too busy to stop the bleeding until he found bloody Zenik. Where was she when he really fucking needed her?

"Shhh…. I know. Just try to hold on a little longer, okay? Nina and Jes will be here soon." he tried to calm you down by running his hand through your sweat-soaked hair. He rocked you back and forth, not knowing who he was trying to reassure—you or himself.

"We both know they won't make it on time."

"If you're wasting your energy talking, at least say something useful instead of talking nonsense, tidemaker." he growled at you, tightening his grip on you. "You're not getting away from me that fast. I didn't invest so much in you to make you leave before…" Until I tell you how much you mean to me... "Until we fill our vault with tonnes of Kruge."

"I could have predicted that even on my deathbed you'd be talking about the fucking Kruges." you laughed, coughing up some blood, which didn't calm his already madly beating heart. Where is that damn Zenik?

"Die in my arms and I promise I'll go back to hell for you. The devil can wait for you - I signed a pact with you first." you suddenly became serious, squeezing his gloved hand tighter and staring into his eyes as if they were the only stars in your dark sky.

"Kaz… I… I have to tell you…"

"Shut up, Y/L/N. You're not dying today." he snarled a warning, squeezing you so hard that he was sure to leave bruises on your arms. Panic rose in him as he felt your body slowly go limp, your breaths becoming less and less frequent.

"Kaz… I love you." you whispered, making him freeze in a daze. You only said those words in his wildest dreams. He had secretly dreamed of it many times, but certainly not like this. Not while your soul was slowly escaping from this cruel world unworthy of you.

He doesn't remember exactly when Nina came running, or how Jesper took you out of his arms, or how he kept up with Jesper's frantic pace as he ran with you in his arms.

But he surely was shaking all the way to the Crow Club. He only breathed a few hours after Nina announced to everyone that you would live. Then he left, without even entering your room to make sure Zenik's words were true, and locked himself in his office.

Tears began to fall from his eyes as he leaned against the door.

He could have lost you. Forever. Another person close to him.

His dreams would be tormented by the sight of your bloody corpse in some dirty alley. Again, he felt like that helpless little boy who had lost his brother. He found himself with Jordie THERE again.

Kaz couldn't go through all of it again. He wouldn't get up after your death. And there was only one thing he could do...

Fuck it all.

He needed you.

He was too exhausted to pretend any longer.

He was Kaz Brekker. He didn't need a reason. But his slowly dying heart without you seemed to be enough of an excuse to see you. Even if you're going to completely break it. Even the cold Bastard from the Barrel saw it as a good deal.

"JESPER!" he shouted, jumping out of his chair with his cane in hand.

"Yes?" his friend was at his side faster than ever.

"Tell the others to pack up. We're leaving in an hour." he muttered, taking out his travel bag from the wardrobe. Even without turning around, he knew a big smile had formed on Jesper's face.

We're going to get my girl back.

"About the damn time, Kaz." he patted him on the back and ran out of his office, telling the other crows the good news.

Your love I'm lost in Your love I'm lost in Your love I'm lost in Even though I'm nothing to you now Even though I'm nothing to you now

Kaz had been afraid of a few things in his life, but walking through the threshold of your new apartment seemed to be the most terrible of all his fears.

His crows obeyed him without objection for the first time in their lives and stayed at the hotel. He came here. On trembling legs and a rapidly beating heart. With his soul on his shoulder, ready to sacrifice and do anything to get you back. And if you didn't change your mind, it would be with a mind ready to carve your image into his memory so he could enjoy seeing you one last time in his miserable life.

Before he could change his mind, he knocked on the door.

He waited patiently, hearing footsteps approaching. He held his breath as the key turned in the lock.

But you weren't the one who opened the door for him.

"What?" a well-built, dark-haired man stood in the doorway.

Kaz began to compare himself to him, concluding that, when it came to appearance, he was superior to him in everything. He didn't stand a chance against someone like that for your heart. Doubts began to flood back into him. What if Nina was right?

"Are you going to stand here for half a day or..."

"Jackson!" your voice from the depths of the apartment shook Kaz. It froze him completely, irritating the man in front of him even more. "I need your help here, you big fool. What are you doing?" a moment later, you were standing in the vestibule. Your eyes met. Kaz shivered under your gaze, cursing himself for how quickly he fell under your spell as he stood there completely dazed.

"Y/N." your name came out of his mouth reverently, like a prayer, like a song long forgotten by a wanderer. You looked exactly the same as you did a few months ago. Except for the faint shadows under his eyes, which Kaz considered his greatest enemies.

"Kaz."

"Jackson. Hello there." the man waved at him, stepping between you. Jackson looked at you, worried. Kaz felt both anger welling up in him, a feeling of envy at how close you were with this strange guy, but also relief that you had someone close to take care of you. Not that you couldn't overcome the worst hell alone. He just felt relieved that you didn't have to. "Let him in, or should I kick his ass, wave?"

Wave? Did you two have nicknames for each other?

"It's all right. You can leave us." you said as you walked past him to face Kaz. The man behind you sighed, shaking his head.

"I hope you know what you're doing."

It might as well have been directed at Kaz. For the first time in his whole new Dirtyhands' life, he didn't have a plan, an emergency exit, or another backup plan. But now he was standing in front of you, staring at you helplessly as he absorbed your form. And that damn sea smell in your hair...

"Kaz."

"Y/N." he said as he came back down to earth. He took a small, calming breath. "How are you?"

"Really? Are you here just to ask how I'm doing?" she asked incredulously, folding her arms.

Kaz wrinkled his nose at your dry, angry tone. As he could see, it would be even more difficult than he thought. He stood in front of you, twirling his cane nervously in his hands.

"I'm here for a completely different reason, but I couldn't… I couldn't not come and see you." he admitted turning his gaze back to you after lowering his head in embarrassment.

"I'm alright. My brother and I are having a great time."

"Brother?" he asked. Relief and joy washed over him. Nor could he help himself to this naive hope, which began to warm his cold heart.

"Yes... Jackson. Who did you think he was?" he did not answer. You could have guessed. He knew you saw the flicker of jealousy in his eyes after that strange man called you a wave. You were his tidemaker, his wave, his sea, and all the fucking things. For a moment, he forgot that he was the one who had deprived himself of the right to claim against you. "You saw me, you asked how I was, so you can go now. Goodbye, Kaz." you were about to close the door on him, but at the last moment he put his cane between them, preventing you from doing so. You opened your door again, giving him a questioning look.

"Come back with me." he whispered, defeated. He couldn't let you go. Not again, not after there was still the slightest chance you might still want him.

"What?" you whispered softly, pretty sure you misheard him.

"There's no other reason why I'm here... I can't eat, I can't sleep, and I can't think or function like a normal person without you next to me. I'm one step away from daydreaming about you, hallucinating, and being insane that you're still by my side, so please... I'm begging you to come back to me. I know I don't deserve you and that I hurt you. You have every right to kick me out, but please, Y/N, just come home."

"What exactly am I supposed to come back to, Kaz? A cold, surly boss who is afraid of his feelings? Who doesn't hesitate to hurt me to protect his heart?"

"I'm not... I'm not good at this. Feelings. I... I don't know what it's like to love, but I know that when I'm with you... when I'm with you, nothing else matters. Not Ketterdam, not power, not Kruge, not wealth, not profit—nothing has ever been on my pedestal. Only you. Always you. And maybe I'm terrified of it, but now I know that I'd rather fight my own demons for you than let you go. I will try my best. If you still want me." he stared at you with undisguised hope in his eyes, only now realising how close he had come to you during your conversation. He tucked a strand of hair behind your ear, cupping your cheek uncertainly. "I love you, Y/N... even if I'm nothing to you now." he murmured, risking everything and resting his forehead against yours with a sigh.

There must be something in the water Cause everyday it's getting colder And if only I could hold you You'd keep my head from going under

He inhaled your scent with his eyes closed, waiting for your move. Hope grew with him every second you continued to let him be so close to you.

"You're an idiot, Kaz Brekker." he didn't contradict or argue with you. He was a complete idiot, pushing you away and begging you to come back, all the while acting like a love-crazy fool… however, he wouldn't have it any other way if it meant you taking your place in his office again. If someday he could hold you in his arms… "You have lucky you're my idiot. With all of your bruises, scars, and everything else." you promised, hugging him tighter. You pulled away from him with serious eyes, making Kaz swallow. "But if you do that shit again, forget I'm coming back to you. Also, we need to seriously work on your communication, Brekker. Do you know how long I've had to struggle here with that other idiot who claims to be my brother?"

"I can hear all of it!" you sighed at your brother's grumbling and gave Kaz a meaningful look. Brekker smiled slightly, causing a matching goofy smirk to appear on your face.

"See? But seriously, I'm not kidding. Last chance, Kaz."

"A deal is a deal. You're never going anywhere without me again."

"A red flag!" your brother coughed from the kitchen. You rolled your eyes, grabbing the edge of Kaz's coat sleeve.

"Shut up, Jackson. I'm leaving, I'll be back in an hour! Try not to burn down the apartment, spitfire."

You didn't wait for his answer as you slammed the door behind you and stepped out with Kaz into the street. Brekker led you towards the hotel where the other crows were staying. His hand in yours, which did not escape your notice. You turned your head towards him, giving him a confused look, which made him smile slightly, shifting his gaze to the port and the sea.

At one point, he noticed that one of the waves "attacked" a trader, washing him over. He cursed so loudly that you could hear him even from this distance. Kaz shifted his gaze to you, immediately noticing the sly smirk on your face. Suddenly, the wallet fell from the sky right into your waiting hand, along with droplets of salty, cool water.

He chuckled, shaking his head in amusement as he pulled you closer to him, wrapping his arm around your shoulders. A self-satisfied smirk formed on his face after seeing your blush.

One day, he will be able to touch you without his gloves. Hold in your arms without layers of clothes on. He will do it. No matter how long it takes him to get rid of the greatest demon of his past. But something told him that you'd keep his head from going under the water again. His queen of waves. His crow. His anchor. And he will make sure that he holds you in his arms forever. 

[aysegust]

JUST A HEALER. - K.B

Pairings: (Kaz Brekker x Reader) A/N: Hey Everyone! I hope you all are fine and feel good. May goodness be with you… So this is a new fiction of mine. About Kaz Brekker… Well, I was so stressed about my studies so I wanted to write something to keep my mind occupied. English isn’t my native language, as reminding it again, I might have mistakes. If you saw it feel free to correct it with kindness of course! I hope you’ll like it. There will be a part two. Warnings: Kidnapping, Pekka Rollins, mention of Kirigan. It is mostly based on the first season of the series but I changed things. Word Count: 1.997

You can read the last part here: More Than A Healer. - K.B

A soldier, a healer.

That was all you were to him. A soldier, a healer. Well, the story of you and his crossed in a different path. You escaped from the Little Palace and took a ticket from an unknown ship, with that you went overseas.

As the ship sailed to the shore of Ketterdam, the city where every young-blooded Ravkan wanted to see, you were finally there. Freshly dressed and eager to see a new world. Other than forced to work under king’s command. Well, the missing state you were in probably put a traitor stamp on your name but you didn’t care.

Your parents died, because of Ravka. Because of their policies about taking Grisha’s away from their parents. Your parents die because they never wanted you to be taken from them. They died, because you were a Grisha… You blamed yourself for it from such a long time. But in reality, the blame wasn’t on you, it was on them.

A week passed since you were in Ketterdam, hiding your powers and blending into public. Well, it was safe to say that you were expecting difficulties. You had nothing so it would obviously difficult.

However as the weeks passed, you were able to find a shelter to stay, foods to feed yourself and a job. Well, you were taking care of wounded people, they thought you were talented. Not a Grisha. They thought this woman, you, are just talented and hardworking about what you do. But inside of every touch of yours, you were slowly recovering them faster.

Of course, you bandaged them, cut them, stitch them, clean their wounds but without the people of Ketterdam’s knowledge, as every slight touch of your fingers did the magic.

However, as you were so good at what you do, people talked. Pekka Rollins, offered you a job which you declined smoothly a time. He was pissed but you told him you work openly. But you treated his wounds so that’s why you were still alive.

Even Pekka Rollins didn’t realize you were a Grisha but a certain man, who likes to stay in silence and sees everything in a different gaze, such as reading between the lines, he noticed it.

That night you were going to your home, you heard a sound. It terrified you, so you touched your gun. Then you understood the sound of the cane, was on purpose.

The alley was empty. It was just the two of you, you thought. “It is not a daily thing you see a Grisha in Barrel.” As hearing his words, you turned to him slowly.

“Who are you?” You said to him coldly. He looked at you ruthlessly. As you were looking at his eyes, it was harsh, you felt goosebumps. “The right question is… why a Grisha is doing in the Barrel, Miss L/N?”

You furrowed your eyebrows. “I don’t know who you are, but you surely are mad.” He smiled to that. But the smile didn’t match his eyes. “I wouldn’t say that.”

He stepped firmly into your way, you didn’t back away. You wouldn’t show any weakness to him. You were a soldier.

“There’s no need for fighting, I present you an offer.” You looked at him with curiosity after hearing his crooked voice. “I’m listening.” You said firmly.

“You can work for me, and I’ll keep your secret.” You looked at him bitterly. “I don’t work for anyone.” You looked at his eyes. “Believe me, Miss L/N, in the Barrel, a woman like you would be a great investment.” He stopped briefly. “I have been watching you, and it wasn’t hard for me to understand of your little powers.” He looked at you so smoothly.

“Bold of you to assume, that I’ll work under you.” You said it confidently. He looked at his gloves for a moment. “If they finds out you are a Grisha, you won’t last long.” You squinted your eyes. “Is that a threat?” You said.

“No, it is just a warning.” His glances wasn’t disturbing it was frightening. “I give you a day, you can find me in the Crow Club.” Then he disappeared into shadows without even waiting for you to say anything.

After that night, you thought many things. You didn’t know the man, so you pulled strings and searched his name. The Dirtyhands. Bastard of the Barrel. The owner of the Crow Club. Kaz Brekker.

Kaz Brekker.

The Dirtyhands.

He had people work under him. The Wraith, The Sharpshooter… The Dregs. The informations you learned about the infamous Kaz Brekker, led you to his Club.

As you stepped into the Club, it was lighting with warm but sharp colors. You heard every laughter on gambling tables. Some smiling like devilishly, some whine in losing.

You stepped surely to inside. As your gaze fell upon to the upstairs, your eyes met in a brief moment. From the moment you stepped inside to the Club, he knew you arrived.

He made a small gesture, the way his face turned slightly to side, it was a gesture for you to come closer.

You walked slowly into his way, as he lead you to his office. Your gaze wandered the room. The walls were covered in a thick layer, the furnitures are covered in black as the way he dressed. The room looked tidy but his desk was filled with full of papers which looked pure chaotic.

The light of the room was dim. It was weirdly calming but as his body turned to you, your gaze met his. He looked like a wall. No emotion, not even a slight expression.

As you looked at his face, two days ago, looking at him briefly on the streets was not enough for you to look deeply into his features.

Now that you see him, well, he looked beautiful. In a disturbing way, he was looking good. Except for the fact that, he knows your secret and he is threatening you. Also, adding the fact that he is the Dirtyhands. You heard rumors about him before.

“So, you heard about me.” As he broke the silence, you nodded. “The Dirtyhands.” You said with a straight impression. “I heard about you.”

He leaned back on the edge of the table. “Then you heard all the things they said about me.” He replied.

“Look, Mr. Brekker, I don’t work for people. I don’t want to make enemies.” He almost laughed at that. “No, Miss L/N, the clear thing you don’t understand is…” He paused briefly. “Eventually, when people find out who you are, you are not gonna survive a day in here.” He looked at you sharply. “I won’t expose you, but, imagine if Pekka Rollins finds out?”

As he said it, you turned your gaze into one of painting on the wall. “Okay..” It was reasonable. You turned your gaze back to his. “I’ll work for you but under one condition.” You said. “I want a good check.” He looked at you.

“Then we have an agreement.”

-

Yeah, after that day a year passed as you worked under the Dirtyhands. Well, he didn’t trust you a bit and you weren’t trusting him too but you just had to trust the promise he made.

You were clearly a good asset to him. You treated Inej and Jesper’s wounds. Other members of his crew too. Also you were a great soldier so when a mission arrives, after some time of him trusting you about coming to his thefts, you were quick, strong and loyal.

He even gave you a new identity. Helped you to have a new identity in Ketterdam. So, you wouldn’t suspected to be a Grisha, a Ravkan.

But Pekka Rollins wasn’t happy about the idea of you working under the Bastard of the Barrel, which caused you some headaches. However, Kaz was cautious about everything.

A soldier, a healer.

You were all that to him. Well, you got along with Inej and Jesper. They had unique characteristics. You could feel the joy around Jesper while feeling safe around Inej. She was quiet but she made you feel comfortable.

You can’t say much things about Kaz. He was complicated. Never trusting you much, always prepared for everything and too cautious, too careful. As you observed him through the months, you saw how he deprived himself from touching. You saw the sour face of his after someone in the crowd bumped him with no intention. They thought it was just Kaz hated people. But to you, the way he looked with every little touch the furrowing brows of his tells a different tale.

Which you were curious about it. However, you never had the intentions of learning it. So you slipped the thought away and got along with your life.

You were walking around the corners of the Barrel, you wanted to be alone, as you blended in with the others, the crowds noise was silencing your thoughts. Well, under Kaz’s command, it wasn’t very easy but you felt safe and powerful. The threats of Rollins wasn’t new, but it didn’t scare you that much. Since you were a traitor in Ravka. You flied away from there and left the Army.

Of course, over the time passed Kaz learned why you were in Ketterdam as you told him the story of your life. You thought he would judge you but he was no better man. So he just didn’t mind it.

You earned his respect with how much you cared for his crows. How you treated their wounds after a fight very gently and how you were loyal to him and his team. It didn’t slip from his gazes.

As you turned around the corner, you felt a pair of hands grabbing your mouth harshly. You panicked just for a second. Then you tried to fight back to the man who held you tightly. You took a knife out of your pocket and hit him on his belly, as he whined in pain, you freed yourself from his prying hands. As you turned to look at the man, you heard a strong accent.

“I can say, I was very disappointed to hear you began to work under- Mr. Brekker, aye?” As you heard his voice, you turned to the owner of the voice. Pekka Rollins.

“What do you want?” You said sternly. He approached to you. “It is such a clever move, I say,” He looked terrific. As meeting his gaze, Pekka’s gaze didn’t seem to move away from you. “Hiring a healer? A Grisha.” He smiled. “A traitor…” You look at him disgustingly.

“Well, I don’t know what you are talking about.” You said it dumbfounded. He looked at you with range. “What should I do to you, Dame Blanche, huh? Or should I say… Miss L/N?”

You looked at him with anger. “I don’t care what you’ll do. I won’t back away from a fight.” You said it confidently. He looked at you with smug smile. “Oh, I won’t do you harm, The Black General, I think he is going to do.” You looked at him disbelief. As two of his guy grabbed your shoulders, you fought to get away from their grip but you couldn’t succeed.

Pekka approached to you and squeezed your cheeks in a hurtful manner. “After what would done to you, you are gonna regret to work under that bastard, lass.”

The next minute, you felt pain on your back as slowly, your vision blurred and your eyes went black.

As couple of hours passed and you opened your eyes, the sharp pain on your head was making you feel uncomfortable. You tried to open your eyes but your eyelids were too heavy and you feared.

What if Kaz couldn’t find you?

What if Kaz wouldn’t find you?

What if he doesn’t care about your sudden disappearance?

What if he,

if he thinks you betrayed him too?

[bubbles-for-all-of-us]

Hi grl! First of all I wanted to tell you how much I ABSOLUTELY ADORED your kaz x reader series (exactly as you are)! The way you treated kaz character, how he actually cares (even if he tries to mask it) about the reader and his crows, how he wants to be better for reader, and how he consideres himself weak when he fails at a simple thing like touching his loved one or expressing his feelings... Besides, I hate it when people just ignore kaz haphephobia and trauma but, again, your work was amazing.

Now that you're taking requests, could you maybe do a one-shot/two-shot about him and non grisha crow!fem!reader? Maybe a flangst/fluff, something to do with him trying to overcome his touch aversion brick by brick for her, or with a sunshine reader who's been through so much trauma but she's a sunshine (not naive) with everyone to try and lighten their moods and hide her trauma... or idk literally about anything you can think of (I just want some kazzle dazzle content tbh hehe)

Thank you so much, you're great <33

Your girl is rusty when it comes to Kaz but boy do I miss him. So, I hope you will enjoy this!🫧

warnings: abuse, blood and implied violence.

Petal

On nights when Kaz felt like sabotaging himself, and that was most nights, he forced himself to watch your restless form as nightmare after nightmare ripped through your mind, making you claw at the plush blanket beneath you, drenching you in cold sweat. Kaz forced himself to watch because it’s his fault. His fault that he didn’t see it. How could he sit here and claim that he knew it all? Knew even the exact time a leaf was going to fall from a tree when he missed something so important right in front of his nose.

Kaz remembers the time you had first stepped into the club. Hair windswept. The cloak way too thin for the winds outside. You had barely given yourself a chance to look around before your whole body grew stiff as you prepared yourself for the worst. See, Kaz had been forced by Nina to hand out leaflets about the club hiring new staff. “You can be wiping your ass with the coins you have and I’m there alone with cracked skin on my hands”.

But everything had screamed at Kaz to say no from the moment he saw you. Too sweet. Too pure. Too innocent. Who even wears flowers in their hair in the dead of autumn? Yet he couldn’t look away. “We don’t sell cakes here, move along”, his cold voice cut through the silence, as he motioned you back to the door with his cane. One more beat of surprise and fear. And yet another beat came out clean and steady. “I can sell beer too or whatever that you sell here”, your hands had been clenched in fists as you spoke. A slight tremble. But even the dismissive silence hadn’t chased you away. “I can mop the floor, I can do it all. Can even sing if guests need entertainment. I just…”, that whole time you had been talking to the darkness. Since the club was empty still Kaz was a fan of hiding in its corners. “You don’t even have to pay much just so I could buy some food”, that had stirred something deep in Kaz. Imagines of Jordie flashed by. Empty stomachs. Cold streets. But then if you were suffering from the same fate he had you wouldn’t be standing there shining like the sun in the spring sky.

But Kaz hadn’t even been close to imagining what you were going through. Nina had fallen in love with you almost immediately so the hustle of you two twirling through the club had become a regular sight. It was the difference in your stance that the first monthly pay had made. You had been late to work the first day after. Your movements were slower. Eyes hollow and tired. “Well one of us celebrated nicely huh”, Nina had nudged you, “Up all night spending that earned coin”, you had returned her smile with a somewhat made-up smile of your own but that had been the first time Kaz had an inkling that something was happening behind close doors.

“You can eat food in the club, you know”, Kaz had managed to find you alone in the storage room, organizing the boxes. Your hair was falling out of the loosely done bun, draping across your face in such an enchanting way that Kaz had to make sure to not let his jaw hang low. You had swept some of it away with the back of your hand, “there’s no need, plenty of food at home”, you said. It was a slight jab and your eyes instantly had grown wide at the realization so you added, “Thanks to you, of course”.

Kaz had humbled, letting his gaze linger. “You can also, as an employee, stay here for the night if there’s a need”, and there it was that sharp bob of your throat. But you shook your head, “I appreciate it but”, you shrugged, “I’m fine in my own home”. You wondered if he was going to push or order you to do so but Kaz had simply turned around and walked away but his mind was already set. Just things had been set into motion even sooner than he expected because a couple of days later you had once again barely been walking at the end of the week.

“You’re stalling orders, man don’t like waiting”, Kaz said firmly, for the first time making you flinch slightly. “I’ll pick it up, I’m sorry”, you said bluntly, reaching for two more pines when Kaz’s eyes drifted to your exposed wrist.

The end of his cane pressed against the purple mark, “What is this?”, his tone was cold, dripping ice. You knew how he was with his investments. No flaws. Always useful. “I… A barrel fell…”, you mustered, making Kaz raise a brow, “A barrel?”. You nodded eagerly, maybe too eagerly. “And left fingerprints on your skin? Do you think I’m stupid?”, Kaz’s tone had turned sour. You quickly shook your head, “Of course no, you are the best…”, “Who did this to you, YN?”, Kaz cut you off making you look up at him instantly.

You couldn’t tell him. He couldn’t know. “It’s nothing…”, you whined right as Kaz stepped right in front of you his gloved hand now the one wrapped around your aching wrist. That not only was purple and blue but also broken. “Looks like something to me. Who?”, Kaz demanded. His electric blue eyes pierce your soul. You let out yet another whimper as your eyes started burning with tears. You had a feeling what end the person would meet and her and now you were the one vowing the thread of life. “My father”, your voice had been barely a whisper but Kaz’s face had turned ashen. And then he turned around. As if haven’t just given him your biggest secret.

“Kaz”, you called after him. Wanted to reach for him yet more than aware that he hated touch. “Go to the office in the back of the club”, he turned back, white medical wrap in his hands, “You are staying in the house from tonight”. Taken back all you could was watch him. As his trembling hands reached for your wrist, wrapping it up for support.

“But…”, you muttered. “Nina will bring you food and then walk you to your new place”, he was speaking as if all of this had been set for months. “Kaz…”, you tried to cut in but it’s like your words didn’t reach him. “You won’t be working for the rest of the week”, he grumbled and you failed to understand if that annoyed him or not. “Kaz, please”, you muttered but once his eyes met yours his expression was like nothing you had seen before, “Any stuff you want for yourself from that place?” You blinked a couple of times before shaking your head. Kaz’s fingers lingered on your skin before he dropped your hand, “Good”, he said as if you had signed your life away to him fully and stepped out of the back room.

Now weeks down the line here he is. With your father’s blood on his hands. Still lingering. It didn’t give him the closure Kaz wanted. The old fuck died too quickly for his liking. Not to mention that Kaz hated the man even more now because even if physical he wasn’t here. His actions still haunted you. “Please”, you cried, head turning to the side as you tried to flee from the horror, “Don’t lock at the door, no, papa”. Kaz pulled back from the wall he had been leaning against, crossing the room in a couple of strong steps. Then there was the choice that he had to make. He doubted that seeing him first thing out of a nightmare would make you happy. So he slowly, through gritted teeth made himself lay on the side of your bed. Now his own frightened eyes watched you because Kaz could feel the heat from your body.

Your head turned to the side with another plea, this time hitting Kaz’s arm. His whole body got ridged. The salty smell of the sea filled his senses. But then a content sigh leaves your lips and Kaz sees the tension in your body fading. The content was minimal. Your forehead was resting against his upper arm, fingers grazing his palm. Kaz took a sharp breath in. Making himself turn to look at you fully. His heart practically clawing at the chest at the sight of your clam features. All because of… but he didn’t let himself entertain that thought. Not now. Not tonight, “I’ll always protect you, petal”.

[jakescakeislateforourdate]

Hi! I really like your work and was wondering if you do requests? If yes, I would like to suggest something...like it's more a prompt but idk why I see this with Kaz Brekker, so prolly Kaz Brekker X Reader or anyone you'd like to do

"If you do that again, I'll throw you out of the window you- what are you doing?"

"Checking how high the drop is, see if it's worth it"

^this or like a rendition of it or something and you can put whatever you want in it

BUT I JUST READ "HUSH HUSH" AND THE WRITING IS SO BEAUTIFUL, ESPECIALLY THE ENDING

Thank you for requesting. I apologize for the wait.

Kaz Brekker x reader

angst, fluff, Kaz having feelings, hurt and comfort

The gloomy sky hung over Ketterdam like a noose. The filth of the streets complimenting the grungy grey with drip-stained rooftops bridging the space between murky sky and muddled ground.

You stepped onto the dock, legs like jelly from being out at sea for so long. Kaz was waiting for you, scowling and growling about the harbor. His disgruntled stare catches first on the scuffed heel of your boot as you lower yourself onto the tattered wooden planks of the dock. Then his eyes drift up to the gleam of the sunlight in your hair and the redness of your sun ravaged cheeks.

He'd think to call you beautiful but he's so angry right now he can hardly stand still. "You imbecile!" He seethes, teeth clenched and lips drawn back in a snarl.

Jesper drops onto the dock behind you, eyes wide with fright and mouth thinned in resignation. Another day, another job gone wrong. You'd been off your game for a few days now but this last heist put Kaz at his wit's end.

"Easy, Kaz," Inej murmurs as she moves out from behind Jesper. "Everyone did bad today."

You think you catch Kaz's eye twitch subtly. His murderous gaze lands on Miss Ghafa and then moves to Jesper.

"You're lucky we're in public." He turns and begins to limp his way down the dock.

A good sum of money had just gone down the drain. Some jewelry had been taken from a merchant's wife and she'd desperately wanted it back. The merchant offered to pay more than the jewelry was worth pawned and had enticed Dirtyhands into accepting the job. It was an easy job. Simple.

So why had it gone so poorly?

Well, for starters it'd been raining. The rooftops were slick and unfit for climbing. Even Inej had been struggling. Visibility was low which made things difficult for Jesper. The location and party was another thing entirely. An island, hard to get on and off of discreetly, was jammed full of gaudy lads and ladies prancing about a wedding venue.

The jewelry, a diamond necklace and matching pair of earrings all of which were worth your weight in kruge, were the last thing. They dangled from the lobes and clung to the fat throat of the bride. Difficult to procure.

You followed the tacky creature around the venue, trying to get in close enough to nab the items but the damn wedding party blocked you at every turn.

They complained noisily about the rain and about how it would ruin the wedding. Kaz hounded you about obtaining the pieces. You caught glimpses of him everywhere: tucked into an alley, ducking into the kitchens, stalking through the gardens.

You became a target of suspicion. None of the other guests knew you and you didn't have a plus one. Not to mention your constant approaching and then backing away from the bride couldn't have gone unnoticed.

It all came to a head when you finally got in close enough and made a grab for the pieces. The bride was in her dressing room after the ceremony, stripping off the necklace and earrings before slipping behind her the ornate dressing screen to step out of the frilly white dress. You hurriedly entered the room, not wanting to try Kaz's patience, and snatched the jewelry off the vanity.

The bride heard you come in and ripped back the folding screen. She saw you stuff the glittering diamonds into your pockets and screamed "THIEF!" for the whole island to hear.

You grimaced and dashed from the room but it was too late. All the guests were made aware of your juvenile failure at stealing and the struggle to get off the island began. In the hysteria that ensued, Kaz had gotten separated from the team so you returned on two separate boats. Hence his impatient prowl of the docks.

The trip back to the Slat was completely silent. You brooded over your failure. What was wrong with you? Why had you been so stupid?

The crew dispersed upon arrival, locking themselves in their rooms to mull over the mission. Kaz tapped your calf with his cane and nodded towards the stairs. The fix of his jaw and his glowering eyes told you all you needed to know.

You stomped up to his office, already angry because he was going to berate you more than you already had. Kaz slams the door behind you. "What is going on with you? You've been like this all week."

"I know."

"That's all you've got to say?"

"What else is there to say?"

Kaz's face goes red with rage. "You cost us the job! How can you not have anything to say? I should knock your teeth out and cut off your fingers for this! It was easy. How could you possibly have messed up this bad!"

"I'm sorry." You feel tears burning.

"That's not going to fix this. I can't have you on this team if you're going to be inconsistent. A mistake like this could cost us much more. Someone could die and that's on you."

You pull the necklace and earrings from your pocket and drop them on Kaz's desk. His eyes flicker to the diamonds and then back to you. He's upset you. He didn't mean to but all he can think about is if you had been caught. He'd have to go through so much trouble to get you back. And he would.

Gladly.

But what if you got hurt. What if they stuck you in the gallows or shipped you off somewhere he could not reach. But that had not happened. It was not physical pain nor the thought of prison sentence that was making you cry. It was him.

You were both aware of Kaz's feelings. Neither of you said anything but you both knew from the tender brushes of palms and long lasting gazes that something was lurking under the surface.

"Just," Kaz swallows when you turn away from him. "If you do that again-- mess up like that-- I'll throw you out of the window you... what are you doing?"

He watches you cross the room to the window, where rain drips from the soaked wooden window frame. "Checking how high the drop is," You glance back at him, fighting tears and trying to bring on a smile. "see if it's worth it."

Kaz sighs. There you are. Trying to make light of the situation. He looks at the heap of jewels on his desk. You did retrieve what he asked. He'd still get his money. And if he played his cards right he could still have you.

"Come're." He waves you over. The leather of his gloves groaning a little.

You arrive in front of him and Kaz raises a palm to your cheek. He doesn't touch, only lingers over the warm skin. He juggles emotions, anxiety and love hashing it out. He settles for a feather light sweep over your temple and a barely-there kiss to your forehead.

"Try not to provoke me."

"You wouldn't kill me."

"I don't even want to think about it."

[ashessonfire]

Bonjour, lovely!! I adore your fics, your choice of words are just *✧delectable✧⁠* and I'm amazed at how you beautifully written Kaz. If you may, could you write a little fluff with the reader being a skilled painter/sculptor and she helps the crows in art forgery. (I personally love when there's a little angsty yearning in the mix but I trust you will blow it out of the waters). Mercii!!

Stolen hearts - Kaz Brekker x Reader

Prompt : As a crow who specializes in art, what happens when Kaz stumbles upon one of your personal sketchbooks and gets a little jealous? - Pairing : Kaz Brekker x Reader - Warnings : Jealous Kaz, Kaz being an idiot, he gets a bit upset but nothing too crazy :)

A/N : Hi my loves, this is a pretty long one but I ADORED this idea, and so I let myself run with it.This may just be one of my favourite things I have ever written so I really hope you enjoy it as much as I did writing this!! As always requests are open, and please check my list here for other characters I write for!!

click here for masterlist

click here for characters I write for

(Also it seems as if we are getting closer to finding out if we are getting a SOC spin off!! After the writers strikes we should hopefully know, so lets try keep the Grishaverse fandom alive on here!! <3 )

════ ∘◦ᵒ 𓅓 ᵒ◦∘ ════

"You want me to recreate that in two days? Kaz, the original is painted in oils, they don't even dry in that time!" You exclaimed, peering over the top of a stolen painting at your boss, his gaze hard yet not harsh.

"I am aware," Kaz began, "But that's why I hired you, isn't it? You have not missed a deadline once, and I know you won't miss it now," his firm voice rung out into the acoustics of his office.

And of course, he was right.

Although you would have to take a few shortcuts, you could feel your fingertips twitching against the oak frame of the piece, mind already composing each element of the scene. Tucking it beneath your arm, you let out a gentle sigh, nodding swiftly in his direction before departing from the room.

He had saved you, and this painting was only a fragment in your repayment of Kaz Brekker.

════ ∘◦ᵒ 𓅓 ᵒ◦∘ ════

A fire had swept through your village just beyond the confines of the Barrel, leaving you with nothing but your pouch, filled to the brim with pencils, inks, and as many types of paper as you had been able to salvage. The corners of your paintings began to singe as your home was engulfed, pain piercing your heart as you sprinted down the path to evade the impenetrable walls of flame.

Ketterdam beckoned you into her grip, as you ventured through the dim alleyways until shadow gave way to dazzling light displays. The Lid revealed itself to you, and with no other choice you slotted yourself in with the penniless street merchants that lined the alleys of Ketterdam.

For years, you offered sketches, portraits, and paintings to the rich tourists that marveled at Ketterdam's wonders. Although mere pennies were offered in exchange for your work, it was enough to renew your supplies and evade sleeping by the canal, or being trampled by tourists.

As time crawled along your skills blossomed, transforming your rough ideas into magnificent pieces, worthy of far more than a few kruge. Soon, you began to slip into galleries, memorizing each stroke until your mind could guide your hands without a single thought. Portraits that were worth thousands were then being passed into clueless pigeon's hands for only a few hundred kruge, as your skills were unmatched in the art of forgery.

Little did you know that you were being kept under the watchful eye of Kaz Brekker's wraith, your talents being thoroughly observed and reported back to the leader of the crows.

You were able to swindle the pigeons for a few months until the Watchstadt began to take note of the remarkable artistry of your paintings. Overnight, the tides of your fortune changed, awaking one evening to the thudding of leather against stone, inching closer to you as each moment passed.

In a desperate attempt to escape your fate, you clutched your belongings and shot down a back alley, shadows offering you a blanket of protection from the moon's shimmering light. However it seemed as if your luck had reached its limit, as several guards barreled out in front of you, as your other exits were swiftly stolen from you.

Tears began to blur your vision, lightheadedness overtaking your senses, the guard's words became muffled and distant, as panic overtook your being. You were barely aware of a gentle voice calling you from your terror, a soft hand wiping away the beads of pain falling from your eyes.

In the hours that followed, you scarcely registered anything but your gratitude towards Inej, and ultimately to Kaz who had been increasing the hours that his wraith was sent to protect you. In a few swift meetings, Kaz Brekker had settled a deal with you, sheltering you from the darkness of the Barrel, whilst securing a valuable new member of the crows.

════ ∘◦ᵒ 𓅓 ᵒ◦∘ ════

"Thank the saints that that is over," Jesper all but shouted, falling backwards onto the sofa in the common room of the slat. Placing yourself on a worn armchair opposite, you felt somewhat peaceful as your painting had been so seamless that the entire mission was cut short by a few hours.

After jobs, each crow fell into their own routines to unwind the tension that undeniably interwove into each of them. Kaz's cane thumped lightly against the creaking oak of the staircase, ascending to his room to continue plotting. Hushed whispers often omitted from Wylan and Jesper as they basked in each other's company.

Inej was usually missing, as she was now, exploring the endless expanses of rooftops whilst allowing the bitter air to cool her down. Taking in the couple across from you, and a now slumbering Nina beside you, you reached for the familiar leather binding of your sketchbook.

The glowing embers of the low-lit fire cast soft shadows on your friends, and the light washes of orange and red watercolour aided in your attempt to capture the peaceful scene unfolding before you. However, the absence of a certain presence pulled you from your portrait, thoughts straying to the man who undoubtedly was scheming once more in his office.

Since joining his crew, a small fondness for the "demjin" had harbored itself deep within your heart, impenetrable and unmoving. He treated you with a cold kindness, gifting you small tins of expensive paints, or the latest papers, completely dismissing the fact they were irrelevant to your job.

With a short shake of your head, the thoughts dispelled, returning your mind to the clarity it needed to produce your sketch, the flames from the fireplace dimming as the room began to fall into shadow. The peace that art instilled you with returned, as your heartbeat slowed and a sense of calm washed over you with each brushstroke.

════ ∘◦ᵒ 𓅓 ᵒ◦∘ ════

Settling into his chair, Kaz let out a short breath, tension easing slightly from his body as relief gripped him, all thanks to you. Your painting had exceeded his expectations, not a single person suspecting the image to have been forged, and the original stolen into the possession of the Dregs.

Few things could entrance Kaz Brekker, yet something about the way your colours melted into each other, or the clear emotion engrained into every miniscule detail of a painting pulled him in. Perhaps the depth of your sculptures, or the smooth yet carefully crafted edges of the clay coming to life in his imagination were to blame for his admiration for you.

Kaz's mind wandered as he thoughtlessly ridded his desk of it's papers, hastily stacking them into neat piles as he tried to shake his thoughts of you.

Suddenly, Kaz was startled from his inner battle, gloved fingers brushing against a foreign texture, a hard leather cover of, something? Curiosity urged him to retrieve the book from underneath the blueprints and paperwork, eyes scanning over the front in search of a clue as to what the binding held.

Carefully undoing a well tied string, the front page fell flat against his weathered desk, the candle beside him offering a gentle illumination. Kaz's breath caught in his throat as he recognized the contents of the book, the etches of the pencil being too precise to belong to any person, but you.

The charcoal marks formed on the fraying page to portray Jesper, content as he sat on a patterned bar stool in the Crow Club, eyes slightly creased in content. Thumbing to the next page, Kaz discovered another depiction of his sharpshooter, however this time he was polishing his guns. Unlike the previous image, Jesper was now depicted in a light wash of colour, bringing him seemingly to life.

Enchanted by your work, Kaz continued to marvel at each sketch and painting, however a sharp feeling grabbed at his chest as he came to a realization. Apart from a few pages here and there, the subject that lined the parchment was always Jesper. Turning the pages increasingly quicker, a feeling of dread seeped into his stomach, a twisting combination of jealousy and annoyance building within him.

A gentle knock broke him from these thoughts, as your voice called out in the hope you would be permitted entry. Carefully, Kaz slid your sketchbook to the opposite end of his desk, pretending to analyze a discarded stack of papers before allowing you in.

"Hey Kaz, I was just coming to check in on you, I didn't get to catch up with you after..." you began, speech diminishing as your eyes fell upon the bronzed edges of one of your sketchbooks. Your eyes lit up as you began to grin.

"You left it on my desk," Kaz stated, trying desperately to burry the knot in his stomach, as your expression brightened at the thought of finding the book full of Jesper. "I've been looking everywhere for this one, thank you Kaz," you respond, hastily reclaiming the book, folding it snuggly between your arms and your chest.

"It shouldn't be here," Kaz snapped, a sharp tone piercing the previously warm atmosphere, "It's your personal sketchbook, so it needs to stay personal. Understand?" Kaz bit out, stunning you into silence as you backed away towards the door.

"Oh," you began, "I didn't mean to leave it here," voice cracking as you battled through the shock of his manner, and the hurt of him snapping at you. "Make sure I don't see it again, although I'm sure Jesper would love to," Kaz concluded, practically spitting out your friend's name.

The dismay you felt began to ebb away as you took in your boss' expression more closely, your upset being replaced with something resembling humour. "Kaz," your voice quietly began, "You're not jealous, are you?" you question.

Although the room remained silent, his features spoke a thousand words to you, his eyes widening fractionally to reveal fright, face becoming tinged by a rosy blush. Before you could utter another word, Kaz had guided you to the arched doorway, pushed you through the threshold, and slammed the door before you could witness the tips of his ears turning crimson.

════ ∘◦ᵒ 𓅓 ᵒ◦∘ ════

Through the warped glass pane of his window, Kaz was stirred by the early rays of sunrise, face gently caressed by each stream of light that infiltrated the darkness. Despite the restless sleep he gained, the bastard was surprised he had managed to fall unconscious at all.

From the moment he had shut the door on you, feelings of jealousy and shame had consumed him. He swore he had heard a splinter echo throughout his chest as he recalled the hurt spreading across your face the previous evening.

Letting out a short breath of frustration, he slowly contorted his stiff limbs into a sitting position, and only then did his gaze cast onto the unfamiliar shade of leather perching on his nightstand. Unease began to spread through his body, fingertips sparking with anticipation as he reached over to retrieve the sketchbook.

Frustration began to wrestle with the discontent, as he unwound the ribbon binding the wrinkled pages together, yet the colour of the leather seemed to shift underneath his gaze. Unlike the book he had previously discovered, this one was made of a darker material which he could only liken to the darkness of midnight. As he angled the cover, flecks of gold appeared, the early sun dancing light off of each one, illuminating the leather as if it were a sky full of stars

Nimbly undoing the ribbon on the side, the first page fell open, and to his surprise, a neatly penned note fell out of the cover, revealing an image behind it that Kaz was sure he would have permanently engraved in his memory. A pair of sharp eyes met his own, and his breath caught in his throat as he questioned whether he was glimpsing into some sort of mirror.

With a desperation he himself could not even comprehend, Kaz began to flip through the pages, the guilt he had initially felt now burning him from the inside out, singeing at his chest. Each portrait captured his every emotion, each stroke precise and beautiful in a way he had never experienced before.

Gently unfolding the corners of the note, Kaz's gaze deepened with each curling letter of your short message -

Dear Mr Brekker,

After your discovery yesterday, I thought it only fair to also show you your notebook too. I have one for each of the crows, yourself included, and so I kindly ask you not to panic further about Jesper being the only muse of my pieces.

Love, your favourite artist

P.S ~ You also have a second book, if you are interested.

Kaz's breath hitched at the word 'love' before his mind could even comprehend it, head spiraling with thoughts of you as he pictured your gentle teasing laughter as you penned the note to him. The guilt and shame became so consuming in that second that his chest constricted, and he knew the only way he could alleviate the weight was by visiting you.

════ ∘◦ᵒ 𓅓 ᵒ◦∘ ════

A sharp knock pierced through the silence of your room, pen stopping mid point as you called a gentle welcome to the man behind the door. Kaz's figure slowly filled the doorframe, waistcoat slightly untucked, and hair somewhat out of place as if he had raced to see you.

A teasing grin began to illuminate your features, and the sunrise seeping through your window was more than bright enough to display Kaz's rose dusted cheeks as he averted his gaze. Without so much as a sound passing through his pursed lips, a gloved hand directed itself towards you, clutching onto the dark sketchbook.

You smile faltered, the glimmer seeping from your eyes as your lips fought to stay curved, as you questioned, "You didn't like it?" Kaz shifted his dark gaze to meet your own, brows lightly furrowing as he grumbled "I thought you might want it back."

Your gaze softened as the walls you had been beginning to construct around your heart crumbled, "Oh, I meant it more like a gift Kaz, plus I have several more books dedicated to you anyway," you uttered tenderly. The figure before you lowered his head towards the object in his hands, knuckles whitening beneath his leather gloves as his grip hardened.

After a fleeting moment of your boss' gaze sweeping over your features, he gave a swift nod in gratitude, the scent of ink and secrets trailing behind him as he ventured back to his office. Disappointment clung to your chest at his swift departure, hoping that he would have remained in your presence for a few moments more.

However, as your gaze travelled upwards to glimpse at his departing figure, you noticed how he had faltered in your doorway. His broad shoulders were facing you, allowing you to to observe every deep yet ragged breath that lifted his chest.

"I..." He began, voice so low that it was barely audible, "I'm sorry for last night, I shouldn't have said those things to you," Kaz almost spat out, the words tasting foreign on his lips as he attempted to quickly escape to the confines of his office.

"Kaz," you called out, hope unravelling the knots of anxiety from previously, leaving you with streams of a newfound confidence, "I just thought you should know you are my favourite subject. No one else in Ketterdam seems to have a better facial structure than yours."

Kaz could hear the thick inflections of your smirk within your words, ribbons of humour intertwining with each letter you spoke. Despite your teasing being met with a remarkably loud silence, your words had planted themselves deep inside Kaz's heart.

Racing back towards his office, the beat of his cane against the oak panels of the slat hastened by the second.

Yet not even they could match the pace at which Kaz's heart was beating, as his mind replayed your words over and over in his head until the way the word "favourite" was all he could hear.

Thinking back to your short note, Kaz's lips formed a ghost of a smile, since not only were you his favourite, but he was yours.

════ ∘◦ᵒ 𓅓 ᵒ◦∘ ════

Kaz Brekker tag list : @pansexualwitchwhoneedstherapy @ell0ra-br3kk3r @swhisperer @sleepynightchild @atlasiiae @kaiinohh @sannunah28 @at-the-chateau @withbeautyandragendrage @animalistic00 @whos6claire @any-corrie @daisydark @shara-ne @xxinvisiblexx @ldhpeter @viperinferno @kozbtchx @wishyouwere-sober (please comment if you would like to be added to the Kaz Brekker taglist)

════ ∘��ᵒ 𓅓 ᵒ◦∘ ════

P.S - The best way to support writers on here is to repost / repost + add tags! If you could spend a minute or so doing this, it would mean the world <3

[shadowbriar]

Regulus Black - Asking for a Friend

Pairing : Regulus Black x (she/her) Reader Word Count : 4.4k Warning : I'm not sure if there's any, but let me know if I missed any. Synopsis : Regulus comes to the realisation that the admiration he holds of her was more than a platonic one and it just so happen that Valentine's day was just around the corner. Notes : Post no 2 for my 1 Year Anniversary Celebration. Don't forget to fill the form here if you'd like to be tagged for my future works. If you like this story and would like to support me, please visit my kofi page and perhaps get me a coffee?☕ Regulus Black's Masterlist click here. Taglist : @jsjcue @coffeehurricanes @ell0ra-br3kk3r @kaz-mf-brekker @sofiacblair @when-you-cant-think-of-anything

“Have you ever had a friend that you're just so fond of and you wish that your partner would be just like them?”

Regulus’ question broke the stillness of the table, making his study mates to look up. Now Pandora, having been known to be the most studious of the group, has always hated it when someone causes any distraction in their study sessions yet for this one particular topic, she seems to be intrigued rather than looking bothered. It isn’t everyday your best friend of 5 years would talk about their romantic interest, after all.

“Elaborate.” Pandora says, her brows knitted together.

“I mean, you know.. You wish that your partner would be just like them.”

Evan squints his eyes, seemingly confused at his brief explanation, “I’m not sure I’m following you, mate. Doesn’t that just simply mean that you fancy them?”

The nonchalant expression on Regulus’ face turns blank in an instant. As if someone has just flicked the light bulb on top of his head, clearing the haze that has been fogging his mind. The sudden clarity has knocked him for six. Is that truly what it means? Days spent silently praising her beauty and nights wasted recalling their conversations were because he fancies her?

Over the years Regulus would find more of her personality to be his weakness, growing the softest spot in his heart specially reserved for her. He would always admire her witty comments, how she always conveyed her mind with the most articulate and intelligent words. Her friendly and warm nature is always something he adores and the way she would always listen to every worthless remark Regulus has with that magnetising smile and understanding eyes, it was impossible for Regulus to not wish his partner would be someone like her.

“So,” Barty asks, nudging on the raven haired boy with a teasing smile “Which friend do we fancy?”

Regulus’ cheeks turn rosy. All hell would break loose if Barty or Evan found out about it. Those boys are as good as a toothpick for a door bolt. The moment they knew about his growing affection for her, they would most immediately spill the beans and make things awkward between them.

And no, Regulus could certainly never have that.

“No one.” Regulus lies as he looks back down to his parchment paper “We fancy no one.”

“Oh come on now, Big Boy.” Barty whines “You’ve ripped off the bandage, might as well show us the scar.”

Regulus rolls his eyes, attempting to look as nonchalant as he could, “You’re fond of Evan’s presence, doesn’t mean you fancy him now, do you?”

“I don’t know, I wouldn’t say that’s impossible.” Barty jests as he begins to make fake kissing expressions to Evan.

“Oh, my Darling, Barty Bear.” Evan indulges in his best friend’s stunt, fake snogging Barty.

Regulus’ lips twitch into a smile, amused at the play-act his best friends are performing. He let out a relieved sigh, knowing that he’s just flee himself from being pestered by questions about his crush, but when he turned his gaze to the only girl at the table, Regulus knew that the little smirk plastered on Pandora’s face would be a form of nightmare he’ll be facing from that day onwards. He knows that she wouldn’t rest until he gives out a name and though she looks like she already knows who the lucky girl is, Regulus is certain that Pandora wouldn’t show him any mercy from the teasing and taunts.

—-

Dinner has been hard to swallow ever since the realisation of his budding infatuation for her. Regulus finds it impossible to not glance at her table, watching her from his peripheral vision as she chats and laughs with her group of friends. Whatever joke Barty throws or moans Evan has about his class have entered and left his ear like an insignificant noise, mind completely enamoured with her candid beauty.

His grip on the fork only tightens as he realises that she was walking to their table, a brilliant smile decorating her face as she takes a seat next to him, “Evening my favourite Serpents.”

“Fantastic, you’re here!” Evan exclaims gleefully, taking her hands to his that made Regulus’ stomach drop a little “Regulus here has been so out of it since this afternoon, we think he’s broken.”

Barty nods eagerly, “He didn’t even twitch a muscle at my joke and mind you it was bloody brilliant!”

She let out a chuckle, looking at Regulus lovingly (at least in his mind) before turning back to face Evan and Barty. Now the words exchanged between the five of them have gone from a trifling noise to a completely deafen sound. His eyes were glued on hers, taking mental notes of all the little gestures she made. How she would close her eyes shut whenever she laughs, how her brows crinkled more often than not, and how her cheekbones pop wherever she smiles, making her look a thousand times more hypnotising.

Now it was nothing out of the ordinary for Regulus to be the most quiet party of the table, but the little to no words uttered by him was making her suspicious. Sure it wouldn’t be the first time he would watch her intently and just agree with whatever is being discussed, but something’s different this time. The way his shoulder relaxes and how the small curl on his lip never waters was making her feel a little bit flustered to say the least.

“You’re awfully quiet,” She says as she turns to the lovestruck boy, resting her chin on her palm to stare back at him “Cat caught your tongue?”

Regulus blinks, gulping at the close proximity, “Just— Didn’t really have anything to say, is all.”

“Really?” She asks with a raised brow “That’s very unlike you.”

“How is it unlike me?”

“Well, you always have something to say. Whether or not you speak of it is an entirely different conversation to have, but you always have something to say, Regulus.”

Regulus bites his inner cheek. How is it that she could read him like an open book? Was he really that transparent or was he really that spellbound in her charms?

“Don’t bother him. Big boy here is trying to sort his feelings out.” Evan retorts.

“Really?” She replies, amused “What sort of feelings?”

“The loving, sappy kind of feelings.” Barty mocks “Regulus is in love.”

“Shut up, Barty!”

Regulus turns to her, uneasy over the fact that she might figure out his little secret but the look on her face was disheartening. As much as he wished he could have just half of her ability to read him, it was nearly impossible for Regulus to decipher her expression. She was staring back at him, her brows knitted as if she’s trying to read through him too but wasn’t sure on what to look at. It was a whole new expression he’s never seen before.

“Reggie wouldn’t give us the name,” Evan continues, completely oblivious of the awkward tension rising “Can we take a guess, Reg? Say yes if we guess correctly?”

“I bet it’s that girl Regulus always sits next to in Potion.” Barty mutters.

“Or that girl Regulus did his Herbology essay with. They spent weeks on that assignment, remember?” Evan counters “Or maybe that Gryffindor—,”

“It’s not any of those girls,” Pandora cuts.

“How would you know?” Evan asked.

“Oh, I just do,” Pandora says with a confident shrug, turning to Regulus “Don’t I, Reg?”

Regulus shakes his head, still trying to do the most possible damage control though he knew that such effort seems fruitless now. Cat’s out of the bag. It would only be a matter of time now until she realises that she’s the girl he’s been swooning over.

Ironic how long it took for him to realise that he fancies her yet it took no time for the secret to be spilled.

“Don’t push his buttons, guys,” She says with a warm laughter “If Regulus doesn’t want to drop names, then let him. It’s not our business now, is it?”

Now Regulus frowns a little. Her words sting a way he was never familiar with. What does she mean that it isn’t their business? Does she not care about who he’s crushing on?

“If you say so,” Pandora said to her, winking as if there was some secret message sent between the two.

Regulus studies her expression intently, trying to see if Pandora has cracked his secret and is now spilling it to her. Salazar, Regulus hopes that that wasn’t the case. He needs time to sort out his feelings, as Evan said, and if she found out about his budding infatuation before he could figure out a proper way to profess it— Well, Regulus hoped that it would never get to that point. Ever.

—-

If Regulus was ever asked, which of the following could ever compare to the beauty that is her: sun, moon, or star, Regulus would argue that she is the beautiful crescent moon with its bright yet soft light washing over his skin as he stares at her silently on his window pane. Regulus would argue, if he ever allows himself to be so bold, that she is his ideal. Her intelligence not to mention beauty would be the sweet honey to his tea, the butterfly to his garden of flowers.

But Regulus was never half as confident as she is. Never half as open and friendly to others. He was reserved, quiet, oftentimes perceived as cold and callous. But not to her. She could always see him through his distant exterior, involving him in every discussion they would have and perhaps that was the one thing that made him yield his heart to her.

Regulus never paid any mind to big dates and celebrations, but something about the upcoming Valentines date shakes his core. Perhaps it was the fact that it fell on the very day of their Hogsmeade trip this week, or the fact that all of his friends were buzzing about who they're going to ask to be their Valentines date, or maybe the fact that for once, Regulus might have a proper chance to ask her to be his date.

Chance. That word felt too optimistic for his presumptive mind. It was as if she ever looked at him that way.

“Regulus?” She called and squeezed his forearm lightly, making him burst his bubble of thought. He turns to her, cheeks slightly rosy from the shame of having ignored her. Just how pathetic he is to zoned out about her when she's sitting right beside him “Are you alright? You've been off of it all morning, I’ve noticed.”

He nods, flashing a shy smile, “All is well, no worries.”

She smiles, taking her hand off of him and continues her work.

Regulus turns his head, stopping at the sight of some Ravenclaw boy asking some Hufflepuff girl by the library entrance. The bashful gesture he’s showing and the giddy smile she shows makes it easy for him to tell the situation is happening at the spot. Another couple for the Valentine's Hogsmeade trip, he reckons.

A little twist in his stomach grows. With the many people asking each other out for the Hogsmeade trip, it would only be normal for him to ask her too, right? The timing was right, they could just go as friends in the worst case scenario. All he has to do is ask, but why are the words stuck at the tip of his tongue?

“Actually,” Regulus starts, secretly playing with the hem of his robe in nervousness “I have something to ask you.”

She looks up, meeting him with a warm smile, “Shoot.”

“I was wondering if you have a date for the Hogsmeade trip?”

“Oh,” She answers, utterly taken aback by his question. A hint of rosiness spread on her cheeks, something Regulus has to convince himself has nothing to do with his question. She always has that natural flush on her face, surely it must be nothing as pleasant as his stupid heart is hoping for “No, I don’t have a date at the moment. Why do you ask?”

“Just.. Asking for a friend.”

Regulus mentally slapped himself, having to be defeated by his anxiety once again that he has to come up with a lie. She stares at him with a confused look, the glimmer on her eyes dims down from the words he uttered. It was as if she was disappointed at his answer.

“I see,” She says with a nod “Do you plan to ask anyone?”

“Not sure,” He answers truthfully “Do you have anyone you hope would ask you?”

She plays with her quill, tapping it to the parchment paper as if she was piecing the right words to reply to him, “I suppose I do but I’m not counting on it.”

Regulus frowns, ignoring the slight crack of his heart, “Who?”

“I’ll tell you mine if you tell me yours.”

Regulus pursed his lips, acting to be in a deep thought, “No.”

She chuckles, turning back to her paperwork.

“But, if—” Regulus calls again, not wanting to end their conversation just yet “If my friend were to ask you, would you say yes?”

“Well it truly depends on which friend you’re talking about now, isn’t it?”

“Yes, but what is the possibility of you saying yes to my said friend? 50%? 60%? Or are you fully waiting for your prince charming to ask you?”

She stares at him with a smile, looking completely amused at the questions thrown at her. If she didn’t know better she would think that Regulus was asking for himself from all the persistent queries, but then of course, we all know how Regulus Black is. No girl in this castle is good enough for him and this rule applies to her too.

“Why don’t you just tell this friend to come to me himself, hm?” She answers, resting her chin on her palm and stares at him fondly “I truly can’t give you any answers unless you give me a name, Reg.”

“It’s Evan.” He blurts, cheeks feeling hot from her gaze.

“Rosier?” She asks with a raised eyebrow “I thought he’s going with Pandora? I was sure she told me he asked her last week.”

“Did I say Evan? I meant Barty.” Regulus fake coughed, clearing his throat “Barty wanted to ask you to be his date.”

The soft and gentle expression on her face turns into an appalled one, bewildered at the answer Regulus gives. His brain has haywired that he neglected the fact that Barty was her cousin, and though cousin romance is deemed acceptable in the wizarding world, Barty and her would never pursue each other romantically for one too many reasons. If Regulus could just tame his nervousness for just a degree, he would’ve realised how idiotic his answer was.

“Barty wants to be my date?” She asks, trying to confirm his answer that sounded like a death sentence for her.

Regulus nods, “He does.”

She narrows her eyes, trying to catch his lie but the stern and rigid expression on Regulus’ face makes her question her own mind. Regulus was never one to be deceitful yet the idea of Barty wanting to ask her to be his date is just as illogical. The only plausible reason behind such a stunt would be them trying to pull some prank on her, but even with that, Regulus was never one to ever indulge in the mischief her cousin and Rosier would always find themselves in.

“I— Well, I guess you should tell him to ask me himself?” She answers, questioning herself.

“I’ll do that,” Regulus nods firmly, trying to keep his act in place “I’ll tell him you said that.”

—-

A couple of days has passed ever since that incident of him blurting Barty’s name at the library. Regulus was still ever so stressed out to ask her himself that he still hasn’t realised the stupid mistake he’s done. Now with the Hogsmeade trip coming closer, Regulus really has no other time but now to ask her.

Yet before he could do so, the universe crushed his dream.

Barty entered the Slytherin Common Room with the brightest grin on his face, making Evan, Regulus, and Pandora look at each other from the strange sight. He jumps to the sofa, sighing with delight as he lay on it and rests his feet to the hand rest. Barty turns to see his friends who now still look at him with a baffled expression, enjoying the sight and looking forward to stomping on one of them in the next minute.

“Gentlemen,” Barty greets before turning to Pandora “My Lady.”

“What’s with you?” Evan asks, an amused smile plastered on his face “You look like you’ve just won a lottery.”

“Even better, I just got a date.”

Regulus raised an eyebrow, “A date? Who?”

Barty coos, saying her name.

“Wait, isn’t she—”

“Brilliant, indeed.” Barty cuts, not letting Evan to correct the fact that they’re cousins. He shot him a look, one that conveys I’ll tell you later and Evan nods in understanding.

Colour drains from Regulus’ face. Just when he finally gathered enough courage to come forward, he just has to be beaten to the race. By Barty of all people. Supposed she came and asked Barty about their conversation that day and knowing Barty, he would never let such an opportunity slip. Who would ever not want to have her as their date after all?

“Who would’ve thought, right?” Barty fawns, pouring Regulus’ jealousy with petrol “Barty Crouch Jr having such a beautiful bird as his date for Valentine's.”

Evan was eyeing his friend with a sceptical look, clearly lost at the scheme Barty was pulling, “Barty, can I see that Transfiguration homework you promised me now? I have quite a lot to catch up on.”

“Sure,” Barty says, catching Evan’s bullshit right away as he stood from the sofa “It’s in my room.”

And so the two boys left, leaving Regulus who looks like he’s second away from vomiting all contents of his stomach and Pandora who’s casually flipping the pages of a magazine in her hand, an all knowing smirk present on her lips.

“Pandora,” Regulus calls, eyes still vacant “Do you have your wand with you?”

Pandora hums.

“Please hex me to death right now.”

The girl laughs at his request. Pandora put down the magazine and looked at Regulus with a teasing smile, “Why would you ask me that, Reggie?”

Regulus glares, “You know why. I saw your smile the other day when she came to our table. You know about it, don’t you?”

“About what?”

“That I was crushing on her.”

Pandora shrugs, “Maybe.”

“Ugh,” Regulus crowls “What am I to do now?”

Pandora chuckles, patting Regulus’ shoulder in an attempt to console him. Pandora felt cruel now to be the one to suggest the prank, to tell her and Barty to go on a fake date just to mess with Regulus. In her defence, out of the five of them, it seems like Regulus is the only one who doesn’t realise his growing affection for her. It was a public secret for the group now that he’s been sending her heart eyes. All he needed was a push and Pandora felt like it was her duty to help him.

Even when Regulus would surely throw a fit once he knew she was the mastermind behind his distraught now.

“Why don’t you just come to Hogsmeade, Reg?” Pandora suggests, playing the innocent supportive friend now “If their date doesn’t go well, you can go and rescue her.”

Regulus turns to see Pandora, his eyes hopeful at the advice, “You think so?”

“Yeah,” Pandora encourages “I mean, how many similarities does she have with Barty? Almost none. I’m pretty sure their date will turn downhill the moment they step into Madam Puddifoot’s shop.”

“How do you know they’ll go to Madam Puddifoot’s?”

Pandora shrugs, “Don’t all couples go there?”

Regulus bites his inner cheek as he gives it a thought. The idea of her going to such a sappy tea shop with Barty peels his skin. It should be him and her, not Barty and her. What was in her bloody mind to ever say yes to Barty’s invite in the first place?

“Fine,” Regulus says with an exasperated sigh “I’ll go to Hogsmeade.”

—-

Regulus’ tea has long gone cold, untouched as he impatiently waits for her and Barty to enter the tea shop. He figured, if they wanted to have their date here, where else would be the best place to spy on them than the very shop itself? So he got himself a table, ordered himself tea and biscuits that only served as props on his table, while his eyes were glued to the door. Every jingle of the bell felt like an invisible blade thrown to pierce his heart.

He looks down to his watch. It’s been more than an hour now. When would they come? How long should he wait? Will they even come to this tea shop like Pandora said?

Before his head could explode with more questions, Regulus’ breath was held on his chest as she finally entered the establishment. Her cheeks were rosy, probably from the cold wind outside. Regulus wished he could take a picture of her now because Merlin, just how hypnotising could she be?

To think that she dressed up for a date with Barty crushes him, but where even is Barty?

Regulus’ brows were raised now. Did Barty stood her up? Is that why she’s alone now? But she doesn’t look the slightest bit annoyed or sad if such a scenario did occur. She has her eyes scanning the tables now, looking for something, someone, and when their eyes meet, her smile blooms and walks closer to him.

“Hello, there,” She greets, pointing at the empty seat in front of him “Is this seat taken?”

Regulus shakes his head, in loss of words as he tries to assess the situation happening.

She happily took her seat, ordering herself something to drink before turning back to Regulus. Her gaze met his, hands clasped on the table. Her brilliant smile was still evident and it’s making Regulus feel like he could melt and die right on that instant.

“So,” She started, her tone cheerful “What are you doing here, Regulus?”

“I— Uh—” Regulus stutters “I— I was supposed to meet someone.”

“Really?” She asks, intrigued “Who?”

“Just— No one important.” He answers, running his palms to his trousers in nervousness “What are you doing here? I heard you have a date with Barty today. Where is he?”

She shrugs, “I don’t know.”

“You don’t know? Did he stood you up?” Regulus asked, his anger starting to rise. How dare he stood her up?

“Oh, no, he didn’t. I just cancelled our date.” She says nonchalantly “I find it too cruel to proceed so I bailed on them.”

“Cruel? Them?” Regulus asked, confused “What are you talking about?”

“Oh, you sweet soul,” She says with a gentle chuckle, taking one of his hands softly and caressing the back of it with her thumb “Who is it again that you said was asking me for a date?

“Barty.” Regulus says with a nervous gulp.

“Yeah, well, it wasn’t truly him now, was it?” She asks “Cause I’m pretty sure Barty would never be interested in me in that way, seeing that we’re cousins.”

Regulus closes his eyes, letting out an embarrassed sigh. That day in the Common Room must have been some sick joke the other’s were pulling at him. How Barty entered with such a huge grin and Pandora’s pitiful yet teasing look at him. They both must have been the miscreants behind this humiliating act.

“I’m going to kill them,” Regulus mutters, not meeting her eyes.

“Please, don’t,” She answers with a laugh “They mean well, I promise you.”

“They’re making me look pathetic in front of you.”

“That’s debatable,” She remarks “I find it cute and adorable, to be honest. And to be fair, it was you who lied to me first. They’re just following your ruse.”

“I’m sorry,” Regulus says “Are you angry at me?”

“No,” She says, shaking her head “I was appalled at first, but then I realised that you might just be shy about it so I just brushed it off.”

Regulus nods, smiling at her weakly from her understanding.

Now what? He thought. Cats out of the bag, for good this time. What should he say now? What should he do? Would she like him to say anything about it? Do anything about it? What if she’s just here out of a friendly gesture? That she doesn’t want to embarrass himself further in front of the others?

But the tender gaze she gives to him now, the understanding smile and the gentle touch she’s giving him, it all feels like a supportive push for him to go forward. To finally embrace his realisation of affection and hand his heart to her now.

“So I guess you know already..” He begins “About my feelings.”

“I have a rough idea of it.” She teases.

“What do you think about it?”

“How do you mean?”

“Well, do you think it was okay? For me to fancy you?” Regulus asks, uncertainty bleeding out of his voice “Would it be okay if I like you?”

“If it wasn’t okay with me I wouldn’t be here with you, would I?” She argues, her kind smile still tugging on her lips “I do have to confess that I expected more than just ‘fancy’ or ‘like’. I thought we’ve gone past that phase already.”

“We?”

She raised an eyebrow, “You didn’t really think that this flows one way, did you?”

“I— I don’t know.”

“Oh, you blind child,” She chuckles “I fancy you too, Regulus. Perhaps even more than that.”

“I— Really?” Regulus asks, blushing yet still trying to understand her words as if she’s been speaking in a different language “This better not be another prank you and Pandora or Barty or Evan is pulling on me.”

She chuckles, “It’s not, I can assure you.”

“Prove it.”

She squints her eyes, giving his challenge a thought before standing a little from her seat. She begins to lean in, inching closer to his face and closing her eyes when their hot breaths begin to meet each other’s skin. She gives the lightest brush to his lips, so soft that it felt feather-like but still sent jolts of electricity down his spine. 

She pulls away a little, still so close to him that their noses brush with each other. She gazes into his eyes, lovestruck and content, “Was that enough of a proof?”

“No,” Regulus breathes, whispering “Do it again.”

[ellewritesalright]

Nine Long Years - Part 7

Nikolai Lantsov x Rietveld!reader, Kaz Brekker x sister!Rietveld!reader (platonic)

Part 6 --- Masterlist

Synopsis: After watching your brothers die, you found yourself working on the Volkvolny. In the many years since then, you somehow became the queen of Ravka while your brother somehow survived firepox and life in the Barrel, rising through its ranks. In disguise during a diplomatic trip with your husband Nikolai, you meet Kaz Brekker for what you think is the first time, only to find out that he is your long-thought-dead little brother.

Author's Note: Well... long time no see. I'm happy to finally share this part. it's been several months in the works since I have been very busy with college. So thank you to all who have stuck around. This part takes place around the start of the Ruin and Rising book, and is a fair bit shorter than the last few parts have been (btw I can't believe I've written over 40k words for this series) but I hope you all like it. I went a bit easier with the angst than I expected by giving these two a slight break

Warnings: mentions of death, angst and fluff, mentions of sickness, injury, panic attacks, firepox. If I'm missing something pls lmk

Word Count: 3,570

……….

SIXTH YEAR

Genya's handiwork stung. Though she was fixing your injuries, the nature of her Corporalki abilities was that she had to undo your injuries in a similar process as their infliction. You tried not to complain as she treated your fractured and cut shoulder, but you were still swallowing back a scream. Tamar ran a soothing hand along your head as she and Tolya held you down.

"Hold still for me." You could vaguely hear Genya say.

You gave a slight nod, all you could manage at the moment. The pain was excruciating. There was fire all along your shoulder blade and up and over to the corner of your collarbone where the Darlking's nichevo'ya had clawed at you. Like sticking a red hot iron to flesh. You were biting down so hard on the handle of Tamar's axe that you thought you might break a tooth. The Tailor's hands hovered over your shoulder and your body jolted but Tolya tightened his grip.

Everything was dark. It never occurred to you how musty and dank an underground tunnel system would be. You'd never considered a place like this could even exist. But here you were, below ground, in the darkest, dankest little "room" you'd ever been in. And no amount of candles or incense trays staved your new fear of the dark.

When you closed your eyes, you could see Nikolai. The way his eyes frantically found yours across the room. How he screamed when his brother was torn apart by the Darkling's shadow creatures. The silent nod of understanding as you guarded Alina while he helped his parents escape.

You wondered where he was now. With any luck, Nikolai escaped on the Kingfisher. He was safe and sound and able to fight the war while Alina and the rest of you were all underground. He had to be safe. Saints above and below, by the grace of Ghezen, and on the holiness of even the Fjerdan god, he had to be safe.

Because if he wasn't, you simply wouldn't know what to do. 

You felt the pain end, and you glanced back at the trio of corporalki behind you.

"There," Genya spoke softly, easing her hands away from your shoulder. "This is about all I can do. The scarring doesn't go away completely."

Her eyes dropped in shame, one of the scars on her cheek pulling as she frowned slightly. Tamar and Tolya had released you, and you sat up. You gently took Genya's hand, giving her a grateful smile.

"You've healed me to full strength, and that's all that matters," you said kindly. "Thank you."

She smiled back at you.

……….

Time blurred together underground. You were still guarding Alina, and you'd constantly accompany her through the elaborate tunnels. You didn't trust the Apparat running this little underground cult. He had come to Alina's aid, that was true enough. But there was no doubt in your mind that the snivelly, power-hungry little man had some ulterior motive. Nikolai had told you about him many years ago while at sea.

"The religious counsel to my father is a weasel of a fellow. That man would bite the head off a live snake if it meant he would gain control of a single chapel, let alone the whole of Ravka," Nikolai said of the Apparat. 

You could only hope Alina wasn't the snake in this case.

You worried for your sun summoner. It was no wonder that you all looked worn after your fight with the Darkling, but most of you had healed up despite your weariness. Yet Alina didn't seem to recover. She had lost use of her summoning in the past few months. It was difficult to say if that was because you were so far away from the sun, or because of the strain from her last fight with the Darkling; either way, you'd never seen her look so pale and sickly. 

"It doesn't seem like anything helps her," Mal worriedly whispered to you one evening as you two ate off to the side of the usual huddle your group maintained. "Not water, or food, or any sort of activity."

"She probably just needs sun," you said, trying to ease his mind. "Once we figure out how to escape this place, we'll get her above ground and she'll be better."

"What if that's not all? When she fought the Darkling--"

"Don't think on it, Oretsev." You cut him off. "That's no way to be, with your worrying. We'll get her out, and she'll get better. That's it."

Mal let out a long sigh and went back to eating.

Your words had carried conviction. You had no idea how your group would escape, but you didn't mention that. It was all you could do to lift your friends' spirits, even though you were as unsettled as you'd felt since you were a girl in a Ketterdam harbour.

In the evenings, you roomed with Tamar and Tolya. Often sleeping between them, their breathing--and Tolya's snoring--reminded you that you were alive and somehow safe, no matter how temporary.

But even so, the dank underground smelled like death. It was like you were back on the cobbles of Ketterdam, seeing your brothers in every corner of every dark cavern in this place. They haunted you, even here. And, with no one to distract you from them, no one to hold you and reassure you that you weren't at fault for their sickness, their ghosts dogged you all hours of the day.

There were a few children underground, and sometimes when they'd cry you could just feel the sobs your baby brother cried against your shoulder when Da had passed away. You could taste the sick you emptied into the harbour after you lost your brothers. 

It occurred to you that maybe this was your lot in life; maybe you were just meant to be haunted. You were plagued, for lack of a better word.

You couldn't count how many times a day your mind strayed to Nikolai. Worries or memories would surface, and you were unable to stave them just as you couldn't stave thoughts of your family. Truthfully, you didn't want to keep them at bay anymore. If you could die tomorrow and join your brothers, you would rather die with Nikolai in your thoughts than with nothing but fear and grief dogging your brain.

The anger you'd harboured for Nikolai had vanished. Your grudge seemed so insignificant now that you were separated like this. Everything seemed insignificant when you were trapped in a tomb.

At night the only reprieve you had from all the ghosts was when you'd finally fall asleep, your fingers clutching Nikolai's ring on the chain around your neck. 

……….

When you and your friends finally surfaced again, it was a mad dash escape from that weasel and his cult. 

You were running through some forest with them. You had no idea where you surfaced, all you knew was that it wasn't just the Aparat's cult after you, but a sect of Vasily's old Grisha-hating First Army. The soldiers were hot on your tails as you dashed through the trees. Tolya and Tamar were on your right, Genya was to your left, and Alina and Mal were slightly ahead of you. Shots were being fired behind you, and you weaved and ducked to avoid bullets as you ran aimlessly. Some of the Grisha you were travelling with used their skills to take on those in pursuit of you, but there were too many of them. 

Just when it felt as though you would never make it out of this forest and away from the soldiers, you heard a familiar shouting of command. Repeat revolvers starting gunning from above, and you grabbed Genya and ducked to the side as the Kingfisher flew overhead, taking out your remaining foes. 

It was all a blur as the flying ship landed. Your mind was whirring as Genya helped you to your feet, guiding you to the ship. You watched the others climb aboard, then you took your turn as well. As you clutched the wooden rails, you remembered the last time you'd been on this vessel, how you fell asleep below deck, curled up against Nikolai.

Nikolai.

As soon as he reentered your mind, your head was whipping around to catch sight of him, for surely he was here. It didn't take you long to hone in on him. He was speaking with Mal, grim expressions on both of their faces. Alina was there too, guzzling down a water flask; she looked automatically healthier now that she was out of the dirt and into the sun, but still not at full strength. Your eyes went to Nikolai again, and he seemed to be glancing around as well. When his eyes locked on yours, you swore you almost started to cry. The tension in his brow loosened, his strong shoulders relaxing for a second before he quickly excused himself from Mal and Alina. He strode directly over to you, bracing you in a hug. You clutched him back, face bundled in his chest as he gripped you so tightly.

There was a long moment in his arms as you embraced, but you both needed it. You'd gone months without knowing if each other were alive, much less alright.

"Thank every Saint that ever was," Nikolai chuckled in relief as he held you. He leaned back, bracing your arms. He noticed the rip in your jacket where the nichevo’ya had cut up your shoulder in the chapel. While the cult was able to provide a new shirt and trousers for you, there'd been no replacement jacket for you underground. "That's no good. Here." 

He shed his military coat and slung it over you. He dusted off the sleeves as you just stood there watching him. You'd almost forgotten how warm his hazel eyes were.

"Are you alright?" He whispered, his hands still holding to your forearms almost as if reminding himself that you were really there in front of him.

There was no way to tell him about your time underground, about the scar on your shoulder and the feeling that maybe your whole life was just haunted. It took everything in you to reply with hope.

"Better now," you whispered back, nodding softly.

He smiled regretfully at you. You knew him well enough to know that he had something to say, but you weren't going to pressure it out of him. The last time you'd seen him you were still upset with him over his engagement–something that felt inconsequential now. Months away from him had turned your anger to dust, and now you just wanted to wipe clean and move on as best as you could--with or without him.

Nikolai looked at you for a moment, then hugged you again. He whispered something in Kerch, an old saying that you could remember your Ma and Da saying to one another when you were younger and your world was a farm and a family that was whole.

"My soul knows no richer than yours," he muttered into your ear, speaking your native tongue in his pretty lilt.

You teared up slightly. Your hand made a weak fist against his chest as you replied in Kerch. "You're infuriating."

"I know." 

He cupped your cheek, and you leaned into his palm, staring at his soft hazel eyes.

"Go below deck, and I'll join you in a moment, alright?" He whispered kindly.

You nodded and made your way below. It took Nikolai longer than expected to join. There were others below deck, a few injured Grisha and Nikolai's First Army soldiers being tended to. You watched bones being reset, blood being transferred, and breathing assisted. You flinched as one of the soldiers coughed up blood, making a hauntingly familiar noise. Just as you looked away for fear of nausea, a hand grabbed yours. Nikolai had sat down beside you, and he gave your hand a comforting squeeze.

He let you lean into his side as the two of you sat there in silence.

……….

The Kingfisher flew for nearly a half hour more, but Nikolai stayed with you below deck until they had to dock the flying ship. When you arrived at the Spinning Wheel, there were lots of Grisha-friendly First Army there to greet everyone. The rescued were all led to different rooms, and as someone approached you to get you settled, Nikolai murmured something to them. They nodded and helped you through the winding hallways. You were given a bedroom with an adjoining bathroom, and you wondered what you'd done to earn a private space like this. Surely many people at the Spinning Wheel had to share rooms. 

Once you were alone, you shed your dank, dirt-covered cult clothes and discarded them in the bedroom while you ran a bath for yourself. 

As you sank into the warm water you let your mind settle. It felt odd to feel safe again. After your time below ground, you didn’t know when you’d feel this way again, but you were grateful it was now.

There was a soft knock on the bathroom door, and you heard Nikolai's voice.

“I took your clothes to the washers and brought you clean trousers and a shirt. I'll leave them just outside the door here for when you're finished your bath," he said kindly.

"Thank you," you called out, your voice slightly unsteady. 

The thought of Nikolai on the other side of the door made your heart race. There was something about the moment that felt distinctly like your first trip to West Ravka back when you began to know him more as Nikolai than Sturmhond. The separation by only a door felt as excruciating as it used to feel watching him get into bed beside you without being able to reach for him. Prudence and politeness governed you both so strictly back them, and it had taken reign once again.

You shut your eyes and tried to relax some more in the bath, but your peace had shattered at the thought of Nikolai being so near yet so out of your reach.

You huffed to yourself as you got out of the bath and dried off. You took the clothes Nikolai had left for you and dressed yourself. The layers of soft white linen were slightly thin, but certainly not unappreciated. After months in the same clothes that you were rarely allowed to wash, you were overdue for something clean and fresh. 

Without realizing it, your feet carried you to your bedroom door. It wasn't as though you knew where anything was in this place, but you twisted the knob and stepped into the hallway anyways. You made it two steps before you realized he was there, leaning against the wall beside your door.

"Hi," he said, blushing slightly.

You nodded at him. "Hi."

"Can we talk?" He asked, his eyes earnest.

You nodded again, stepping back into your room and letting him follow.

There were no other chairs or seating in the room, so you sat on the edge of your bed.

Nikolai sat a respectable distance beside you. "I wanted to tell you that--what's this?" 

His eyes were on your shirt's wide collar, where the edge of your shoulder scar peeked out. You hooked a finger into your collar, pulling it to show a bit more of the scar as you angled your back to him too.

"Oh… it's from the nichevo’ya. One just barely nicked my shoulder as we first escaped into the tunnels." You felt a slight sting as he gently grazed his thumb along it. You relished his touch and the reminder that he was alive and with you so much so that you didn't even mind the sting. "Genya says it's permanent."

"I should have been there," he murmured.

You shook your head, turning back to look at him. "No, I'm glad you weren't. You needed to be above ground."

"I should have been with you." His eyes had that earnest look crossed with slight guilt.

"You had to get your parents to safety and rally what was left of the First Army, Nikolai."

"I wanted to be with you." He said as he held your hand, interlocking your fingers. "You're the woman I love, and I thought of you every second of every day I wasn't with you. Saints, I need you more than I need air."

You leaned closer to him, pressing your forehead against his collarbone. It wasn't meant in any romantic way, more just as a silent way to express that you loved him too, that you cared deeply for him. He brought his one arm around your shoulder as the other still held your hand.

"That's why I'm not going through with it," he said, and you could feel the rumble of his words against your head.

"With what?" You whispered.

"The engagement with Alina."

You leaned back slightly to look in his eyes. "What?"

He thumbed along your cheek. "Once the war is won, Alina and I will not be getting married. She and I have spoken already."

"But what about the unification of Ravka and the first and second army?"

"That can happen some other way." He looked deeply into your eyes. "But once we've won this war, I only want one thing."

You sighed and gave him a sad smile. "Niko–"

"Will you marry me?"

Your breath caught in your chest.

There was a time you thought he would ask you this, before you landed in Ravka more permanently, before you got launched into this war against the Darkling. But you knew he still had his ambitions.

"Is it because your brother's dead? Because you're guaranteed to be king now?" You asked.

He sighed and shook his head. It was hard to tell if he'd expected any apprehension from you. "It's because I love you. More than anything else I could ever think of. When I first arrived at the Spinning Wheel, everyone else whined about the cold of the mountains or the fact that they missed tea service and their evening kvas, but all I missed was you." He gently squeezed your hand. "Every day I spent not knowing if you were safe, if you were alive… I could barely sleep, barely eat… You're all I could ever want."

The look in his eyes was reminiscent of his soft yet resolute stare when he’d placed that crown on your head. It felt like a lifetime ago that he whispered honey in your ears and you listened without a shred of apprehension. But right now this wasn’t honey. This was raw. This was real. This was Nikolai in a state of total resolve. And you knew you wouldn’t be made a fool if you accepted him.

"I am all you want?" you whispered in response, your lips curling upwards slightly.

"You are. I want to spend my life with you," he smiled. "Will you marry me?"

“Yes." You nodded, a full smile forming on your lips. “I'll marry you. Of course I will.”

Nikolai broke into a grin. He cupped your cheeks and kept grinning at you, his eyes locked with yours. “Saints, I love you more than anything.” He pressed a quick kiss to your forehead, then dipped down to capture your lips.

It was the first you’d kissed him in months and months. Truly, you hadn’t felt his lips on yours since before you’d crossed the fold. It ignited a forgotten hunger in you, and you kissed him back with a deep longing.

“I missed you,” he murmured as you pulled back for a moment. You noticed tears in his eyes. “I was so stupid, and I’m sorry for how I treated you. I never should have proposed to Alina, or made you feel like I only wanted you in secret. I want you, I’m proud to want you, and I never want my love for you to be a secret. I want you as my queen–my truest companion, as you have always been. I just… I want you.”

You kissed him again, wrapping your arms around him. You leaned so far against him that he rested his back against the headboard, bringing you with him. You missed the closeness with him, the intimacy of being pressed into his body as you kissed. Your fingers threaded into his golden hair as you sighed into his soft lips.

“Do you forgive me?” He whispered and you took in a breath.

Your fingers idly traced the skin right above his shirt collar. “I’ll forgive you once you get me a ring and make it official.”

“I gave you a ring years ago, my dear.” His finger went to the chain around your neck, and he pulled it loose from under your shirt, making his old silver ring dangle between you. “One could argue that we’ve been engaged all this time.”

“Then one could also argue that you were most definitely cheating on your fiance when you proposed to someone else,” you smirked at him.

“Ouch. I deserved that,” he chuckled.

He cupped your face again, his palms warm against your skin.

“I’ll get you a new ring. Something regal and fit for the most beautiful queen Ravka will ever know, moi tsaritsa.”

You smiled and leaned down to kiss him again. “Good.”

..........

A/N: Thanks so much for reading! Feel free to like, reblog, and comment on this new part--I really appreciate the feedback! If you want to be tagged in this series or to be added to the Nikolai taglist please comment on this part or send me an ask. Otherwise, I hope you have a great day/night :)

Masterlist

Taglist: I will reblog this part with the tags because there's too many of you to tag and tumblr won't let me do it all at once :)

[crowsnqueens]

Bibliophile; Pt. i

Kaz Brekker x Bibliophile!wife!reader

Summary: Kaz returns from a meeting to find his wife (that was meant to attend) with a book in her hand and a drink at her side. Unfortunately, a fellow crow sees their interaction and is itching to find out more.

an: i had so much fun writing this bro y’all don’t even KNOW

Warnings: Kaz can tolerate reader’s touch, alcohol and drinking it, little bit of irritated Kaz, fluff for DAYS, reader uses she/her pronouns and is described as female, marriage??, the book “The Language of Thorns” is presumed in canon, the crows are about 22 in this (which is what i imagine to be in the show), OOC Kaz (i tried y’all) I may have missed some 💁🏻‍♀️but enjoy!!

Kaz sighed as he scanned the room for his wife, finding that she was in fact, not present.

“Have any of you seen Y/n?” he tooka large breath,”Never mind, let’s continue.”

“But boss, doesn’t she have a big chunk of the job?” Jesper swirled a pistol around his fingers then re-holstered the weapon with ease and precision.

“I can inform her later.” His teeth slightly grit, his hands working in the beginnings of a loose fist.

“As we were…”

~

Once the meeting was finished, Kaz gathered up the papers to re-place them back with his files, and shrugged his coat off. Descending the stairs of the slat, he noticed some of the books on the shelf had slanted in their places, as if a support had been pulled from under them.

Curious, he smirked.

he decended the stairs further to the crow club’s nightly regulars either gambling or drinking, conversing or laughing, scheming or wishing. But among them all, he found a familiar face in a quiet secluded corner, with a book and a glass of Kvas.

Continuing his way across the floor of his club, he stopped to ask one of the other Dregs about the upcoming job.

Slowly from her corner, Y/n heard a certain man’s voice and found him in discussion with the woman who tended the bar named Sylvi. They were presumably discussing a new job or a previous one, but nothing other than work. She knew that, but she still couldn’t help but keep an eye on the interaction.

Eventually she grew tired of surveying her husband’s every move, and returned to her book. “The Language of Thorns” is a collection of six fairytales and myths she had been read as a child, and when she found it on the shelf she just had to reread it.

“You look invested.” Kaz’s voice softened from his previous tone with the other woman.

“Oh I am, this book is very good. I used to read it quite a lot when I was young.” She smiled over the top of the book, knowing exactly what he would bring up next.

“Was there anything else you needed to do or, attend possibly, this evening? That you perhaps weren’t there for?”

“Oh there was this meeting, yes, my dear husband told my to meet him at 9 bells and it must have slipped my mind.” She smirked in the taller boy’s direction over her book.

“I’ll make sure to tell him about your predicament.” Kaz sat beside his wife, grabbing her hand that was laying on the couch.

“She is forgiven.” He placed a kiss to her knuckles and smiled lightly at her.

“Thank you, Mijn liefje.” She leaned her head on his shoulder and Kaz kissed her head.

“Of course, schatje.”

Little did the two know, a sharpshooter watched and observed their interaction, slowly piecing together that their relationship entailed more than expected.

[swanimagines]

Hello! Can I request D47. Letter with Kaz Brekker? 😘

Prompt: D47. Letter

Kaz had gone missing. 

It wasn’t unheard of, your boss was often going on his “walks” and just happened to come back with a DeKappel, but you having new intel that should be told to him as quickly as possible, him being absent was particularly frustrating.

Jesper had seen him standing by the bar, looking even angrier as he usually looked like when Jesper was going to the kitchen. When Jesper had greeted him, Kaz had told him to shut up, and after Jesper came out of the kitchen with a cup of coffee, Kaz had disappeared into thin air and had been away from the Slat since. You had checked all the usual places he was in. The Crow Club, the usual places around the Barrel, the roof, the harbor and no sign of him anywhere. You even asked from the harbor if there was a chance he had gone to the Black Veil Island for some reason, but no one could confirm they had seen him rent a boat there. You had also asked the barkeeper Joris about him, but he had just shrugged, telling you he hadn't seen him either even though he was scheduled to come meet his new employee. The poor boy had sat in the backroom for over two hours, sweating so much because of being nervous that Joris had thought he could even melt.

All of it was making you pace around the house. Your fellow Crows were telling you to calm down, but you just couldn’t, the opportunity you had was a golden bullseye, Kaz would be incredibly angry if he found out too late.

You had followed that old rich fool Van Benschoten for months, just waiting for him to slip, to lose his guard, to show you how to get into his manor’s cellar. The man was an idiot in many ways, but he had had his wits present when he had chosen his security architect. It had been incredibly hard to find out anything about it, because he kept changing it up every few days, and tomorrow could be too late for this information.

When you couldn’t take it anymore, you decided to climb into Kaz’s office to wait for him there, to make sure he wouldn’t be able to slip by your attention. You knew he didn’t like you or Inej going there without him being present, but if you happened to fall asleep, Kaz would wake you up once he came back.

“Kaz?” you called out from the window just in case, even though you didn’t expect to get an answer. And you didn’t. You slid into his dark office before you lit the oil lamp and took a seat across from his desk. You stared at the door for a while, but then turned your head to his desk. Maps, a blueprint, one of his ledgers, and… in the corner of your eye on the floor was a crumpled paper.

Your name was written on it.

You swallowed, looking around as if to make sure no one sees you looking at it, that Kaz wasn’t hiding somewhere observing what you do when you see it. And you knew you shouldn’t snoop. It was nothing, probably. Likely. But what would Kaz write about you, that got him so worked up that he’d crumple it up, toss it aside and march out of the Slat in a burst of anger?

But still, you found yourself picking it up from the floor and carefully straightening it. It was clear Kaz had squeezed it into a ball before throwing it aside.

Was it the reason why Kaz had been angrier this morning, barking at Jesper like that?

You just couldn’t help yourself, just a few words, you promised to yourself. You just want to know what it's about, if it was something important. Maybe something to do with one of the upcoming jobs.

The ink had dried, but it had still been wet when Kaz had crumpled it up. Most of the letters had blurred, but you were able to distinguish what one paragraph said despite it. You took in a deep breath and began reading.

“I wanted to tell you yesterday. But I didn’t. I couldn’t. What use would it be, why would you want me? I’m broken, I wouldn’t even be able to hold your hand, I wouldn’t be able to tell you my feelings, you’d always have to guess and speculate. It wouldn’t be fair to you. Ghezen, these times I wish I would be able to be like others, I—”

The rest of it was too smudged to read, and you lowered the letter slightly, standing up and starting to pace. Your heart was thumping as you stared at the words, they didn’t sound like Kaz at all, and you doubted your eyesight for a moment, wondering if it was someone else’s handwriting instead.

And your name in that kind of letter… did it mean Kaz had feelings for you? After all this time of you believing he had feelings for Inej?

Then it hit you, and your shoulders slumped. He was sketching a letter for Inej, and had accidentally written your name into it. You had seen them together, they had their moments, their own language, heads pressed together in the corner as they shared secrets. It couldn’t be you. Or maybe Kaz had thought about asking for your opinion about the letter draft, a bizarre idea, which is why it had your name.

Then, you suddenly heard the key turning in the lock, and you quickly threw the letter back on the desk to see Kaz coming through the door. He stared at you for a moment, and you dug your pocket before finding your written-out intel, barely being able to hold his gaze. “Van Benschoten is ready to be picked, I found out this morning.”

Kaz narrowed his eyes on you. “What were you doing?”

You swallowed. “Waiting for you. And, uh… I saw my name, and I thought…”

His eyes flickered on the letter on the desk. “Have you always read things that aren’t yours?”

You felt like your heart stopped as you quickly stepped aside, trying to blurt out an apology, but Kaz ignored you, striding over and grabbing the letter, crumpling it into a ball again.

You shook your head. “No, I’m sorry, I thought it had something to do with the job, because it had my name on it. I thought you had left it for me to read.”

He leaned over the desk, throwing the letter into the trashcan before looking at you. “You surely saw it wasn’t about the job once you read the first word. It’s personal, not for you to read.”

You nodded, lowering your gaze to the ground. “I’m sorry. It won’t happen again.”

He was quiet for a moment, before he looked at the little paper in his hand you had given him and sat down, placing his cane next to him to lean against his desk. “Tell me about Van Benschoten.”

You sat down immediately, starting to spurt out everything you had found out. “He changes up his security arrangements every few days, but he has a secret hatch behind a small hut in the garden. I bet we could get to his treasure chamber from there. Inej agrees, I talked about this with her this morning.”

You continued your explanation, tracing your finger along the blueprint in front of Kaz, and once you had finished, he leaned back. “I will send out Inej to scout ahead. Jesper will handle the guards. Wylan creates the distraction. You… you will guide us to the hatch. You’ve seen it in action, I trust you know how to open it?”

You nodded, clasping your hands behind your back. “I do.”

He stood up, picking up his cane again. “Good. Let’s move.”

---

Requests are open! FANDOM LIST | PROMPT LIST(S) | RULES (READ!!!)

[marsplastic13]

'Complicated' (part 14) - Kaz Brekker x Reader

Idea - Kaz Brekker hires a prostitute to overcome his touch aversion, and be a better man for Inej, but things take an unxepected turn.

Pairing: Kaz Brekker x Prostitute!Reader, (had to use y/n because I'm bad at names)

Genre: modern AU, slow burn

word count: 5.8k

notes: let me know what you think!

@millercontracting @coldmermaidhologram @syd649

@luffysprincess @cryptidghostgirl @beekeepingageissome

@hufflepuff-16 @lukepattersin @jay-is-a-pinguin

For the next few days, Kaz and Y/N let themselves get lost in the simple pleasures of their trip. But the looming task of preparing Y/N to lie to the police hung over them like a shadow. Kaz knew it was time to shift gears.

Sitting on the couch, Y/N watched as Kaz paced back and forth, his mind clearly in strategy mode. He looked like a professor preparing to teach a critical lesson, his sharp eyes focused on the details only he could see. 

Kaz finally stopped pacing and looked at her, his voice calm but firm. “They won’t accuse you of anything, but they’ll want to talk to you. Your ex was abusive, there’s a record of it. You went to the police and the hospital because of him multiple times. Now that he’s taken his own life, they’ll be interested in whether you had any contact, if he was still stalking you, or if you noticed any signs of what he was going to do.”

Y/N shifted uncomfortably on the couch, the gravity of the situation sinking in. “Okay, what should I say?” she asked, her eyes searching his for guidance.

Kaz stood in front of her, his posture confident, like a teacher about to deliver an important lecture. “Tell the truth until the day of my birthday. After that, stick to the story we discussed.”

Y/N sighed, gathering her thoughts. “So, I was getting ready to go to my…” she hesitated, feeling the weight of the words. Kaz raised his brows, urging her to continue. “...my boyfriend’s birthday party, but when he picked me up, we went to the airport instead of the restaurant.”

Kaz couldn’t help the smirk that played on his lips. “And who’s your boyfriend, miss?” he asked, teasingly.

Y/N rolled her eyes annoyed. “Kaz Brekker,” she replied, clearly unamused by how much he was enjoying this. “How much are you liking this? Why can’t we just say we’re friends?”

Kaz leaned back, his expression serious now. “Because it’s less suspicious. Why would a friend just surprise you with a trip abroad?”

Y/N shot him a look. “I don’t know, why would a friend kill someone for you?”

Kaz’s eyes narrowed slightly, his tone more intense. “Remember, no unnecessary details. If they talk to you again, you have to be able to say the same things, no doubts, no hesitation.”

She nodded, mentally going over the details again, trying to make the story her own.

Kaz leaned forward, his eyes locking with hers as he asked, “Why didn’t you come back for the funeral?”

Y/N took a deep breath, knowing this was a tricky one. “Well, as I’ve repeatedly told the police, he was very abusive. So, yeah, I’m shocked by what he did, but it wasn’t my place to be there. We broke up a long time ago.”

Kaz’s eyes scanned her face, reading her every expression. “Hm, we’ll work on that,” he muttered, before sitting down beside her on the couch. Y/N immediately rested her head on his legs, seeking comfort in his presence.

For a moment, the seriousness of their situation hung in the air, but Y/N couldn’t help but ask, her voice tinged with worry, “Are we going to be fine?”

Kaz’s expression softened, a rare smile curving his lips as he brushed a strand of hair from her face. “Of course. Our story is solid. We just need to stick to it.”

He felt her relax a little against him, but he could still sense her anxiety as his hand moved gently through her hair.

“Do you want to take a bath with me? That bathtub looks insanely big,” Y/n suggested, with a smirk.

Kaz had overcome the majority of his issues, but mixing bodies and water seemed like a recipe for a disaster, even if the idea was really tempting. “I don't think I would be able to do it without having a bad panic attack, maybe another time,” he said gently, his voice betraying a hint of regret.

Y/n nodded, understanding. “Can you keep me company?”

They both went to the bathroom, and Kaz studied her intently as she began to undress. The sight of her bare skin always captivated him, but he was careful not to let his gaze linger too long. “Your side looks better,” he observed, noting the fading bruise on her rib.

“Right?” she said, glancing at herself in the mirror. “It feels better too. Maybe he lost his touch,” she joked harshly.

Kaz watched as she immersed herself into the hot water, swearing silently that he would definitely work on solving his problem with water. The steam rose around her, and she hummed in satisfaction, closing her eyes. “Are you sure you don't want to jump in?” she asked, her voice soft and inviting.

“Trust me, if I could, I wouldn't hesitate,” he replied, the longing clear in his tone.

She smiled, eyes still closed. “Do you want to try holding my hand?”

Kaz considered it for a moment, the thought both tempting and terrifying. “Maybe we'll work on that when we get back,” he decided, his voice firm yet gentle.

“Your call, baby. Can you get my vape?”

Kaz nodded and came back with her vape and a bottle of wine, feeling a surge of satisfaction when he saw her eyes light up. He poured her a glass and brought the vape to her lips, letting her take a deep drag.

“You're spoiling me,” she laughed, the sound like music to his ears.

Kaz made a crooked smile, “Told you I would,” he said before taking a few drags himself, settling on the stool next to her.

“We're not dating,” she said, her tone teasing but with an edge of seriousness.

“I know,” he replied, meeting her gaze.

“We never will,” she continued, testing him.

“Alright,” he agreed, his voice steady.

They locked eyes as he brought the vape back to her lips. The intimacy of the moment hung between them, unspoken but palpable. 

“You know, my side is still sore,” Y/n said after a while, her voice low and seductive, “but my mouth...” She licked her lips suggestively, her eyes locked onto his.

Kaz shook his head, feeling a mix of excitement and unease. “The idea feels weird.”

“Why?” she asked, her brow furrowing slightly.

“I don’t know,” he admitted, avoiding her gaze. “Do you really like it that much?”

“Seeing grown men squirm and twist under me? Absolutely,” she replied with a smirk, rising from the water and splashing him playfully with her hand.

Kaz chuckled, grabbing a towel and passing it to her. “We should start thinking about going back home.”

“We should,” she whispered, her tone softening as she wrapped the towel around herself.

They settled into bed, the effects of drinking on an empty stomach making them both feel pleasantly lightheaded. Their slow kisses deepened, hands roaming each other’s bodies with a blend of tenderness and urgency.

“Kaz, I want you,” Y/n murmured, her voice breathy with desire.

“I don’t want to hurt you,” he said against her lips, his concern evident in his tone.

“I don’t care,” she moaned, pulling him closer. “I’ll be fine, I swear.”

“You’re injured,” he reminded her, his hands resting gently on her hips, his concern evident in his eyes.

“I’m sure you’ll be very careful,” she whispered, her fingers threading through his hair as she guided him closer. “Please, I’ll stay on top.”

Kaz hesitated for a moment, his mind racing with the fear of causing her pain. But the look in her eyes, the way she was holding him, reassured him. He kissed her deeply, their breaths mingling as they moved together, slow and careful.

He was hyper-aware of her every reaction, his hands gliding over her body with a delicate touch. Y/n’s soft gasps and moans encouraged him, her fingers digging into his back as she pulled him closer. He could feel her body responding to him, her movements gentle but insistent. Y/n was naked under the towel, while Kaz remained half clothed. The urgency of having him without even giving the time to undress made him feel desired in a way he never thought could be possible. 

She slowly slid on him, moving without giving herself time to adjust. He held his breath, every fiber of his being focused on her. Her warmth enveloped him, and he felt a surge of raw, primal satisfaction.

“You really don’t like foreplay,” he commented, trying to mask his awe with a teasing tone.

“You noticed?” she laughed, biting his earlobe lightly, sending a shiver down his spine.

Kaz smirked, but his worry never fully dissipated. “Does it hurt?” he whispered, his voice barely audible as he paused to look into her eyes, searching for any sign of discomfort.

She shook her head, her lips curving into a reassuring smile. “Enough to keep things interesting.”

He chuckled softly, shaking his head. “I should’ve expected that,” he murmured, his hands sliding up her sides, feeling the soft curve of her waist beneath his fingers. 

Kaz's movements were slow and deliberate, each thrust measured to ensure her comfort. The towel slipped away, leaving her completely exposed beneath him, her skin flushed and glistening in the soft light. 

Y/n’s nails raked gently down his back, his hips rising to meet her rhythm. His body responded eagerly, matching her every move. The heat between them built steadily, their breaths mingling in the intimate space they shared. The urgency and rawness of their connection made every moment electric, every sensation magnified.

Kaz felt a mixture of emotions. The desire to protect her clashed with his primal need to be close to her. He marveled at her strength, the way she embraced the pain and turned it into pleasure. 

“You're so good, love,” she whispered into his mouth, her words sending a shiver down his spine.

“Yeah?” he responded, a hint of vulnerability creeping into his voice. He wanted to believe her, but doubt lingered.

Kaz knew that she was used to doing pretty heavy stuff. He wasn't sure if she was restraining herself with him because she thought he couldn’t keep up, or if she was giving him time to understand how he liked it. The uncertainty pressed heavily on him, making him question his every move.

“Of course, baby,” she said, cupping his face and kissing him gently. Her touch was both tender and reassuring.

“Are you sure?” he asked between heavy breaths, needing her validation more than he cared to admit.

“You're perfect,” she murmured, her voice filled with genuine affection. Her praise reassured him a bit, but he couldn’t shake the underlying sense of inadequacy. He wanted to be everything she needed, to meet her every expectation.

As their bodies moved together, Kaz focused on her reactions, seeking to please her in every way he could. Her soft gasps and moans guided him, each sound a small victory that bolstered his confidence. He traced the curve of her spine with his fingers, feeling the slight tremor that ran through her at his touch.

Her hips moved in a steady rhythm, her eyes locked onto his. There was something in her gaze that made his heart race, desire and something deeper, something he couldn’t quite name. He leaned in, capturing her lips in a kiss that was both passionate and tender.

“You’re amazing,” she whispered against his mouth, her breath hot and urgent. “Don’t doubt yourself.”

Kaz swallowed hard, her words sinking in. He wanted to believe her, to let go of his insecurities. He deepened the kiss, pouring all his feelings into it. The way she responded, her body arching towards his, made him feel more confident.

“It’s so good,” she murmured, her voice a soothing balm to his troubled mind.

Her words filled the empty spaces in his heart, giving him a sense of purpose. But a voice in his head kept saying that she was lying, that there was no way she could enjoy that. His mind raced thinking about the screams that her clients made her do, the things he heard her say and ask for while staying outside her room.

She never screamed for him.

“Y/n, wait, I can't—” he said, stopping her hips, feeling a wave of guilt wash over him.

“Is everything okay?” she asked, scanning his face with concern.

“Are you sure that you like having sex with me?” he blurted out, his voice filled with insecurity.

Y/n frowned, clearly taken aback. “What? Of course, Kaz. Why are you asking me that?”

He sighed, feeling the embarrassment burning on his cheeks. “You’re used to all this crazy stuff, and I... I have zero experience.”

“So?” she replied, her tone gentle but firm.

“Are you sure you’re not bored?” he asked, the question hanging heavy in the air.

“Did I sound bored?” she asked, raising an eyebrow, her voice carrying both surprise and hurt.

“Well, no, but—” he started, but she cut him off.

“Kaz, oh my god, I’m not faking it. I never would,” she said, her eyes wide with genuine concern. 

Kaz looked into her eyes, searching for any hint of deception, but all he saw was sincerity. He wanted to believe her, but the nagging voice in his head wouldn’t quiet down. He swallowed hard, trying to find the right words.

“I’ve heard you with your clients, the things you say, the way you sound,” he admitted, his voice barely a whisper. “I can’t help but compare. Rationally, I know, it's stupid, but-” he admitted, feeling the weight of his insecurities.

Y/n’s expression softened as she cupped his face in her hands. “Needing reassurance is not stupid, love. I imagine this could be a bit weird sometimes.”

“It is,” he conceded, his voice tinged with vulnerability.

Y/n moved to lay on the bed, gently guiding his head to rest on her stomach. Her fingers combed through his hair soothingly, and he felt a sense of calm wash over him.

“Kaz, I would never fake it, I really like having sex with you. It's completely different from being with a client,” she said softly.

“Yeah?” he asked, his fingers tracing idle patterns on her navel.

“Of course. I mean, the mechanics are the same, but emotionally speaking, it's completely different.”

“And why is that?” he probed, seeking more reassurance.

Y/n sighed, her hand continuing to stroke his hair. “Because we care about each other.”

“I care a lot about you,” he whispered, his voice heavy with emotion.

“I know, I can see that,” she replied, her voice full of warmth.

“Are you in love with me?” he blurted out, immediately cursing himself for asking such a loaded question.

“Kaz, don’t put me in this situation,” she sighed, closing her eyes as if trying to shut out the weight of the question.

“I want to know, Y/n. You said it to me,” he pressed, his heart pounding.

“I don’t want to talk about it,” she said, her voice tinged with frustration.

“Why?” he asked, his curiosity and need for clarity pushing him forward.

“I don’t like my answer,” she confessed, her voice barely above a whisper.

Kaz hummed thoughtfully, his eyes studying her face. He moved his hand to tangle it with hers, and she held him, a small smile playing on her lips without opening her eyes.

***

Packing to go back home was more chaotic than they had expected. Kaz was darting around the house, retrieving his scattered belongings, while Y/n stood amidst a mountain of clothes and souvenirs.

“I can't believe you're so messy,” Y/n commented, watching him with an amused expression.

“I'm not messy,” Kaz retorted, his tone defensive. “I'm just having a hard time remembering where I left my things. Are you done?”

Y/n glanced at the array of items around her, shaking her head. “I think I need another suitcase.”

Kaz paused, surveying the chaos. “Maybe we shouldn't move in together,” he quipped with a smirk.

“Pity, I was accepting the idea,” she replied sarcastically, rolling her eyes.

“Are you sure you can't put some things in my luggage?” he asked, trying to help her manage the clutter.

“I already did,” she laughed, leaning in to kiss his jaw.

Kaz sighed, trying to formulate a plan to fit all of her stuff into some suitcase they might have to buy. He had to check again for half of his stuff, all in time to not miss their flight, and oh, she was kissing him. “Y/n, let me think for a second.”

She hummed against his neck, her lips sending shivers down his spine.

“Y/n, come on,” he chuckled, trying to focus despite the distraction.

She laughed at his reaction, stepping back to give him some space. “Alright, alright. I'll finish packing.”

Kaz watched her for a moment, a fond smile on his lips. He couldn’t help but admire her as she deftly folded clothes and organized her things. The way she moved, even in the midst of chaos, had a certain grace to it that captivated him.

He shook his head, snapping back to reality. He needed to find his missing items. With renewed determination, Kaz began methodically searching the apartment, checking under beds, behind curtains, and in drawers.

***

When Kaz's car stopped in his parking spot, he still couldn't believe they had managed to catch their flight on time. As he expected, the police were waiting at the airport, and Y/n had been impressive in dealing with them. His arm never left her waist as she talked about the romantic surprise trip he had planned. The officers left, mentioning they might need to talk to her again, but it seemed more procedural than anything serious.

Y/n turned to him, leaning back in the car seat. “Are you sure you still want me around? We've been together for a week.”

Kaz shrugged as he got out. “What's one more night?”

They stumbled into his apartment in a flurry of suitcases, hands, and kisses. The moment felt electric until a voice cut through the air.

“Kaz.”

He froze, looking up. Nina and Matthias were seated on his couch, Nina glaring daggers at him.

“How many people have your keys?” Y/n asked through clenched teeth.

“I swear I'll change the lock,” he sighed, addressing Nina. “What are you doing here?”

“Oh, you know, just checking on you,” Nina replied, getting to her feet and crossing her arms.

“Hi, I'm—” Y/n began.

“Oh, I know who you are,” Nina interrupted coldly. “I had a lovely chat with Inej.”

“Of course you did,” Y/n whispered, her eyes narrowing.

“Nina,” Kaz said, his patience wearing thin.

“Sorry, Kaz, if we waited for you at your birthday party for hours and then my best friend comes back crying, desperate, saying that you broke up with her and fled the country with another girl. You're lucky I didn't come all the way to where you went to kick your ass,” Nina spat, her eyes blazing with anger.

Kaz rolled his eyes, though he knew she had a point. “Nina, what happened is between me and Inej.”

“I feel pretty involved when you hurt my friend,” Nina's voice was sharp, her hands clenched into fists at her sides.

“We just came back. Can you spare the scolding for another time?” Kaz pleaded, trying to maintain his composure.

“No,” Nina snapped, stepping closer, her gaze never leaving his. “You don't get to just run away from the mess you made.”

“Nina, it’s not that simple,” Kaz began, but she cut him off.

“It is that simple,” she retorted. “You broke her heart, Kaz. Do you even care?”

“Of course I care,” Kaz shot back, his frustration mounting. “But I can’t change what happened.”

“Convenient,” Nina scoffed, crossing her arms. “And now you’re just moving on, pretending like nothing happened?”

“I’m not pretending,” Kaz said through gritted teeth. “Inej and I were over long before this trip.”

Nina's eyes narrowed. “That’s not how she sees it.”

Y/n, who had been standing quietly beside Kaz, sighed heavily. 

Nina turned her fiery gaze on Y/n. “And you. How could you do this? You knew he was in a relationship.”

“I really didn't do anything,” Y/n let out a nervous laugh, her eyes darting to Kaz for support.

“Anything? He was in a relationship. You should have backed down,” Nina accused, her voice rising.

“Are you blaming me?” Y/n scoffed, her own anger bubbling to the surface. “You think I’m the one responsible for their breakup?”

“Yes, you should’ve had some respect,” Nina snapped. “You knew he was with Inej, but you went ahead anyway.”

Y/n’s eyes narrowed, her temper flaring. “It wasn’t like that. You don’t know the whole story.”

Nina took a step closer, her fists clenched. “Enlighten me then. Because from where I stand, you’re the one who swooped in and ruined everything.”

“Nina, leave her out of this,” Kaz's arm slid protectively around Y/n’s waist, and the gesture didn’t go unnoticed by Nina and Matthias.

Nina’s eyes widened with disbelief and anger. “You’re defending her? After everything?”

Kaz tightened his grip on Y/n, his gaze steady on Nina. “Yes, I am. Because this isn’t her fault.”

Nina scoffed, crossing her arms. “How can you say that? She knew you were with Inej.”

Kaz sighed, his expression weary but resolute. “You have no idea of how things went.”

“That doesn’t justify what you did,” Nina shot back, her voice trembling with emotion.

“I know it doesn’t,” Kaz admitted, his voice softening. “And I’ll live with that guilt. But Y/n didn’t do anything wrong. She didn’t ‘swoop in.’”

Nina’s anger faltered for a moment, but she quickly regained her composure. “And what about Inej? How do you think she feels?”

“Inej deserves someone who can love her fully,” Kaz said, his voice heavy with regret. “I couldn’t be that person. And I’m sorry for that. But blaming Y/n won’t fix anything.”

Y/n looked at Kaz with a small smile. He turned to her, his expression tender. “You don’t have to justify yourself to anyone, least of all to Nina.”

“So you want us to believe that this,” Nina gestured between them, “is serious?”

Kaz hesitated, but y/n passed her arm around his waist, leaning more into him, “Yeah, we're thinking about moving in together.”

Nina’s eyes widened, her mouth opening and closing as she struggled to process the information. “Really?”

“Yes,” he said firmly. Kaz was taken aback by her quick response, feeling a surge of gratitude toward her. Internally, he thanked her for her quick thinking, knowing that this lie might help diffuse Nina’s anger. He couldn't help but marvel at how effortlessly Y/n had stepped into the role of his defender and partner.

Matthias raised an eyebrow, his usually stoic expression showing a hint of surprise. “That’s... a big step.”

“Yes,” Kaz repeated, finding his voice. “It is.”

Nina shook her head, still in shock. “I can’t believe this. You broke up with Inej a week ago Kaz.”

Kaz felt a pang of guilt but steeled himself. “Things change, Nina. What happened with Inej was inevitable. We both knew it.”

Nina's eyes narrowed. “A week ago, Kaz. A week. And now you’re moving in with someone else?”

“That’s none of your business,” Kaz retorted, his tone sharp.

Silence fell in the room, heavy and tense.

“Inej asked me to take her stuff,” Nina said after a long pause, her tone softer but still strained.

Kaz sighed heavily, feeling the weight of Nina's disappointment and his own guilt pressing down on him. “Yeah, I'll show you,” he said quietly, turning to Y/n with a gentle expression. “Are you okay, love?”

“Yeah, go, don't worry,” Y/n replied with a small smile, squeezing his hand reassuringly. “Unless Nina is scared of leaving her boyfriend alone with me.”

Nina’s eyes narrowed at Y/n’s teasing remark. “Oh, my boyfriend certainly doesn’t go for cheap ones like you.”

Y/n raised an eyebrow, a playful smirk playing on her lips as she looked for her vape in Kaz’s pocket “You’d be surprised. And cheap? Really? You have no idea of how expansive I am.”

Obviously, Nina, who had no idea of what y/n job truly was, wasn’t able to thoroughly understand the joke.

Kaz interjected, hoping to diffuse the tension. “Let’s not make this any more uncomfortable than it already is.”

Y/n shot a look at Kaz, her smirk still in place. “If she can go around insulting me, I can’t see why I shouldn’t defend myself,” she replied candidly, her voice tinged with amusement.

“Please, love, let it go,” Kaz asked, sighing, his tone pleading. Y/n rolled her eyes, but Kaz could see the amusement flickering in her expression despite the tension.

Nina scoffed and turned towards Kaz’s bedroom, her footsteps echoing through the apartment as she headed to retrieve Inej’s belongings. Kaz exchanged a look with Matthias, who gave him a sympathetic nod before following Nina.

When they returned with Inej’s things, it was clear that Nina was far from letting the issue drop. She glared at Kaz, her arms crossed defiantly. “I still don’t understand how you could hook up with her with Inej’s clothes still in your wardrobe.”

Y/n, seemingly unfazed, interjected without lifting her eyes from her phone, “Do you want me to draw you a picture?”

Nina’s jaw tightened, clearly annoyed by Y/n’s nonchalant response. Kaz stepped forward, trying to diffuse the tension. “Nina, you have everything now. Let’s talk about this another time.”

Nina shot a sharp glance at Y/n before turning on her heel and storming towards the door. Matthias followed closely behind her, casting a brief look back at Kaz and Y/n, his nod a silent acknowledgment of their situation.

“Thanks for handling that,” Kaz said sincerely, a note of gratitude in his voice. “And for letting them think we’re in a serious relationship.”

Y/n looked up from her phone, a small, amused smile touching her lips. “Anytime, love,” she replied softly, her tone playful as she settled her head on his lap. “I figured it would be easier than explaining how things really are.”

Kaz chuckled softly, running his fingers gently through her hair. “You’re right. It spares us a lot of unnecessary explanations.”

They sat together in the quiet of the apartment, the tension of the evening slowly dissipating. Kaz appreciated Y/n’s willingness to play along for the sake of defusing the situation, even if it meant leaving Nina and Matthias with the impression that their relationship was more serious than it actually was. He glanced down at Y/n, now scrolling through her phone, then felt his phone buzz with a text from Jesper: ‘Talked to Nina, can I come over?’

Kaz sighed, typing back, 'Sure, Y/n is here. Use your keys.'

When Jesper arrived, Y/n was already asleep, her face buried in Kaz’s stomach while he gently played with her hair. The sight brought a small smile to Jesper’s face as he quietly took a seat across from them.

“How was the trip?” Jesper whispered, careful not to wake Y/n.

“We managed to have fun,” Kaz replied, a slight smile tugging at his lips.

“Nina said you’re moving in together,” Jesper said, his voice laced with curiosity.

“It’s not true, we just wanted her to stop scolding us,” Kaz explained, his eyes focused on Y/n’s peaceful face. “I asked her, and she said no.”

“You what?” Jesper’s eyes widened in surprise.

“She didn’t exactly say no. I think I can convince her,” Kaz murmured, a hint of determination in his voice.

“You really want this? Live together?” Jesper asked, his tone skeptical.

“Why not?” Kaz shrugged, his gaze still on Y/n.

“I don’t know, because you broke up with your girlfriend a week ago? After years?” Jesper’s voice held a note of incredulity.

“Okay, so how much should I wait?” Kaz asked sarcastically, a hint of irritation creeping into his voice. “What’s the right time, Jes? Since everyone seems to know what’s best for me.”

Jesper sighed, running a hand through his hair. “I’m just worried about you, Kaz. You’ve been through a lot.”

“I appreciate that, Jesper,” Kaz said softly. “But I need to figure this out on my own.”

Jesper studied his friend for a moment, seeing the sincerity in Kaz’s eyes. “If she makes you happy, then I’m all for it. Just... take it slow, okay?”

“What’s this fixation about taking things slow that everyone has?” Kaz scoffed, annoyance creeping into his voice. “I tried slow. Look how it ended. Maybe it’s time to be a bit less cautious.”

Jesper looked at him thoughtfully. “She’s changing you.”

Kaz shook his head, a small, incredulous smile playing on his lips. “She doesn’t even want a committed relationship. These are all my ideas. y/n is just bringing them out.”

Jesper raised an eyebrow, genuinely intrigued. “So, all this talk about moving in together, that’s you?”

“Yeah, that’s me,” Kaz admitted, his gaze drifting to Y/n. “I want to see where this goes. I’m tired of holding back, of second-guessing everything. With her, it feels different.”

Jesper nodded slowly, absorbing Kaz’s words. “Different how?”

Kaz took a deep breath, his eyes softening as he looked at Y/n’s sleeping form. “She doesn’t judge me. Well, she does judge me, but in a good way? I don’t know how to explain it. She doesn’t expect me to be someone I’m not. And she’s not afraid to call me out on my bullshit. She makes me feel... real.”

Jesper's eyes softened, understanding the weight of Kaz's words. "Real, huh? That’s not something you hear every day. Especially from you."

Kaz chuckled softly, his fingers continuing to play with Y/n’s hair. “I know. It’s strange. With her, I don’t feel like I have to put up a front.”

Jesper smiled, feeling a sense of relief. “That’s good, Kaz. Really good. But you know, you don’t have to rush things. Just because you feel this way doesn’t mean you have to dive headfirst into everything.”

“I get that, Jes. But I’ve spent so long being cautious, being careful. Maybe it’s time to take some risks,” Kaz said, his voice resolute. “With Inej, I was terrified of screwing up. I was always walking on eggshells, afraid she’d leave at any moment. I was so focused on not making mistakes that I lost sight of what I wanted. But with Y/n…,” he chuckled softly, a mix of amusement and frustration in his tone, “we’ve already screwed up everything we could. We fought, we made mistakes, we patched things up, and then we messed up again. And through all of it, we’re still here.”

Jesper leaned back, a thoughtful expression on his face. “So, it’s like you’ve already been through a lot, and you’re still standing?”

“Exactly,” Kaz agreed, his tone lightening. “There’s a certain freedom in knowing we’ve faced some things and come out the other side. It feels real.”

“I know,” Kaz said softly, his eyes drifting back to Y/n’s sleeping form. “She’s not what I expected, but she’s what I want.”

Suddenly, Y/n stirred and mumbled, “Can you go have this heart-to-heart conversation somewhere else? I was sleeping.”

Kaz grinned, gently brushing a strand of hair from her face. “We’ll keep it down.”

Y/n sighed, her eyes still closed. “Just... less existential crises and more cuddling, please.”

“I’ll head out,” Jesper said, standing up. “Get some rest, both of you.”

Kaz nodded. “Thanks, Jes. See you tomorrow.”

Getting back to their usual lives proved to be more challenging than either of them anticipated. Y/n had to practically beg Kaz to take her back to her own house. Even then, he only agreed on the condition that she left most of the items she bought during their trip at his place.

“Goodnight,” Jesper replied, making his way to the door and closing it quietly behind him.

***

As they stood outside her building, their farewells took on an intensity that suggested they might not see each other for years. They were pressed against his car, hands and lips exploring with an urgency like they were about to part forever.

“Sorry,” a woman’s voice cut through their heated embrace. Y/n and Kaz looked up to find a middle-aged woman staring at them with a mixture of disdain and curiosity.

“Yeah?” Y/n asked, puzzled as she pulled away slightly, still wrapped in Kaz’s arms.

“Are you one of the girls that live on the third floor?” The woman’s tone was sharp, her eyes narrowed.

“Yes,” Y/n replied, her brow furrowing.

The woman’s expression hardened. “The noise from your apartment is unbearable. Is it true? Do you have sex for money? Are you really prostitutes?”

Y/n’s eyes widened in surprise, but she quickly regained her composure. “What?” she asked, incredulity lacing her voice.

“You heard me,” the woman said, her finger now pointing accusingly. “Is it true?”

Y/n raised an eyebrow, her lips curving into a smirk. “Do you want to book an appointment?”

The woman’s face reddened in shock. “No!”

“Then no, it’s not true,” Y/n said, her tone dripping with amusement and defiance. The woman muttered something under her breath and walked away, shaking her head and casting dark looks back at them.

Y/n sighed heavily, her shoulders drooping. “I guess we’re changing apartments sooner than we thought.”

Kaz, ever quick to seize an opportunity, leaned in closer. “You know…”

Y/n cut him off with a heavy sigh. “I would still need a place to work, Kaz.”

He raised an eyebrow, clearly intrigued. “Or…”

Y/n crossed her arms defensively. “You know I can’t even begin to consider doing this”—she gestured between them—“if you don’t accept my job.”

Kaz rolled his eyes, but a hint of a smile tugged at his lips despite the tension. “That’s not a no,” he said, his tone light yet thoughtful, clearly enjoying the banter.

Y/n shook her head, a small, amused smile playing on her lips despite the uncomfortable situation. “Don’t get any ideas,” she said, her voice carrying both warning and fondness.

Kaz chuckled softly, the sound warm and genuine. His eyes sparkled with a combination of affection and mischief as he leaned closer. “Oh, I’m sure that tormenting you is going to work,” he said, his voice low and teasing.

Y/n arched an eyebrow, clearly intrigued by his persistence. “And how do you figure that?”

Kaz’s eyes softened, the playful glint in them turning more tender. “I can be very determined, and very annoying.”

Y/n met his gaze, with a smile, “And I can be very patient.” she said before kissing his cheek and entering the building.