#i will now TRY to sleep and its only 50/50 whether or not im actually able to

[clonewarsahsoka]

I've just had such an awful fucking time

[mybatimblog]

my head feels like TV static

tw venting i am overwhelmed this is mostly a stream of consciousness and makes only half sense

i need to spill things somewhere i hope it helps

sirry this is kind of like real life stuff

i do not have anxiety in the diagnostic sense but there is so much in my body right now its going to pour out of my eyes and i'm worried i will drown in it

there is too much going on and not enough sleep to function i can either take my medication be productive and not sleep until four hours before my alarm or allow sleep instead of work

i can only pretend to be someone else for so long to keep my mood up i can only pretend for so long until i run out of fuel and it does not help much to pretend to be "Sammy Lawrence" or "Remus Lupin" or "Bucky barnes" before the character's instabilities actually make it hard to feel better and then i am back and so tired

i can pretend to be one of my own characters but they are pieces of me and it doesn't help much

the dopamine it gives me to spend time with stuff i like doesn't help my brain is moving too fast i feel like im spinning

books and paper and paint are so expensive i didnt get a textbook until yesterday because it took me two weeks to make the decision about whether i should risk a virus and get it for $20 or spend 50 dollars more just to rent it digitally and as for the art supplies i need to buy special paper? and the project is due sooner than id like

and food is so expensive i have food but not REAL food and I cannot eat cereal and popcorn forever but i have dishes to do and its either a drive to the less expensive grocery store or a 20 minute walk to the more expensive one

ive been trying to start a patreon but have no time to make content for the patreon

sunlight never reaches my window and my apartment is very dark but if I open my windows to let light in, people can see me so easily. my plants will die soon. i got a new plant recently as a reward for working so hard this summer and im afraid its going to die and im afraid that if this were a book and some student were reporting on it they'd relate my plant's health to mine and how i may be slowly falling apart

putting the light on helps a lot but not when we pay for electric and i have to think about how expensive it is to exist

i have been trying to pay my water bill for days and watching every drop i use because the other day my tap was on for 4 hours while i was away from home but the water lady has not emailed me back

i make list after list after list and its the same tasks that i still have to do them all

last night i tried to watch Fresh because i started it two days ago and sebastian stan is candy for the brain and i did not finish the movie but i had to pay for my enjoyment because the next day i feel like THIS and it is a punishment for trying to relax

when you look up how to deal with anxiety everything is things i cannot do except for breathe and breathing is not helping its all "sleep better" and "eat better" and "exercise" and "plan a time to worry"

i would like to melt but i have so much work to do

[lowlaif]

Konpeito

never seen a star up close.

kinda wanna eat one.

and no, not one of those starlets hanging out in ridiculously overpriced LA villas - now finally available in "sustainable" minus an ecological footprint rivaling the size of their range rovers. the owner will fly in from two towns over so they get there early for their yearly yacht trip and ill activate adblock so palantir cant pester me with 50-euro airline ads to the maldives because shit, money is going to be a bit tight this month

i want to eat a star. actual heaps of gas and space dust and heat and whatdoiknow, im not a scientist, id rather not belie my words by googling the exact chemical configuration of something thats just bright and pacifying to me, something thatll melt on my tongue. 'm not even gonna chew. just gonna swallow it. the way i ate chocolate as a kid because relishing in something meant enough time for it to be taken away. the way i drink medicine because - if you gulp it down really quickly, it doesnt have time to taste bitter: anything can be honeyed milk if you clench your teeth hard enough

did you know thats what galaxy means anyway? milk? i wonder what galactical honey would be, then. whether id think its sweet or spicy, whether id like the taste or want to spit it out. if itd go down with well-rounded corners or lodge itself into my throat and stay there. fishbones. i also wonder whether astronauts ever feel scammed when they set foot on the ISS and realize theyre not going to bear witness to a sky made out of sparkling lights and silver threads and golden spots and rainbow clouds but rather just a sea so inky black it's going to make breathing difficult not just by lack of oxygen alone. earths much too reflective for any other luminescent object to be visible to the naked eye, ive been told, hence why youd just be looking at a planet so bright it surely hurts to stare at it, and i wonder what it feels like, being up there and gazing down only to be blinded when youre so used to looking up and squinting?

im homesick thinking of kids drawing earth into the upper right corner of their drawings. i dont actually know if theres stars up there though everybody tells me those pinprick lights are, and i cant breathe when im busy trying to figure out what exact level of depression the stale air around me tastes like. but something in my brain clicks when i think of shiny things and theres no empirical evidence that grabbing the sparkly stuff up above my head wont cure me so i want to, i want to, i want to. wanting always boils down to sinking your teeth into it and ive filed my canines far too often to fear the force of my bite now

people dance on the moon and i mimic their steps in my bedroom and though these are just small steps i dont know the names of the poor sods stuck on the ISS either, even though there's only been like 500 of them and they're all way better at living life than i am. my hands ghost over where i instinctively know the light switches of my flat are and wonder if up there somebody's got a nightlight, cheap plastic stars attached to their ceilings, one of those little projectors that put constellations on your walls. whether they ever have trouble sleeping and if yes, what the hell do they look up at then? who do they cast their wishes to?

never seen a star up close. never held one. but the concept is so familiar, so ingrained into whatever our shared consciousness is made out of, that i want with my molars. i itch to keep it in my tummy so it keeps me warm on the cold days and i only trust what i see so i want to look at it until my retinas burn, until the sound of the big bang echos in the confines of my brain. itll drown out all other unwanted thoughts and itll sing in the genetic make-up of my descendants long after my neighbours cant hear me sing in the shower anymore. ill cup my palms and pray into them. begging is easier when youre in position and im on my knees and i swear ill never run out of things to whisper to the radiant little ember in my hands because it is beautiful and because i like shiny things and because stars have always made us look up at them and

When I finally get my teeth on it and swallow it whole I'm sure a piece of the star will get lodged in my throat like. fishbones. in a last-ditch effort at vengeance. I'll spend the rest of my life attempting to choke it back up.

"I made it with love," I'll say after I finally managed to do so.

"Careful, it's hot."

[wh6res]

127 SQUAD AND ROMANTIC BF TINGS

tw a lil bit of suggestive on jae's but nothing explicit

✰ — TAEIL would sing lullabies over the phone or video call. you and him would just be doing your own thing, not talking but enjoying being each other's presence. he'll probably pull out his guitar and start singing random songs until he eventually notices you fell asleep on him. will not end the call and when you wake up in the morning, his snores and his cute sleeping face is the first thing you see. "love? you still there? ... taeil?" then laugh out loud when you hear his snores instead. "okay yeah lets sleep more" the call will only end probably because his phone died. he kinda strikes me as a guy who's phone is always < 50% battery lmao

✰ — JOHNNY is your everything. literally. as long as he has the power of youtube, google, and instruction manuals on his side, he can fix anything and everything for you. we've all seen him do crafty things on jcc lmao so it'll probably apply to relationships as well. will 100% say you now owe him cuddles for fixing something for you. you kinda dont like the fact that he's doing all these things for you so you try doing them on your own without him knowing only to fail big time. "what did we learn today?" "never touch the pipes under the sink" "and?" "and always ask johnny for help" "nuh-uh thats not how i said it" you sigh exasperatedly "always let my smokin hot amazing handsome boyfriend johnny suh get the job done"

✰ — TAEYONG doesn't care whether you take the time shopping or not. in fact, he loves seeing you all excited and giddy for pampering yourself as you should. totally the type to hold the paper bags even if you complain and say you can manage on your own. is a complete angel and will wait patiently outside changing rooms and will give you genuine insight he has of the clothes you picked. "that looks nice. you should get that. the length is just right and the sleeves help accentuate your waist" "really yongie?" "yes love. i mean you look pretty in everything anyway" miss ma'am my heart just fucking melted ?¿?

✰ — YUTA doesn't look like it but will exert real effort into things. would be the type to have a note or a google doc about your favorite orders from restaurants because he just loves how your eyes light up appreciatively and you look so smitten by him. its like a cheat sheet. eventually he memorizes the list with how much time he spends with you and he wont even need it. the type to always bring you food before meeting you (if its just hanging out inside the house). "no way! i was just craving for these!" he smiles before kissing your forehead, volunteering to put the food out its container for you. "i figured. you'd been working since this afternoon. lets eat first then you can tell me about what you've been working on so i can help you, okay?"

✰ — DOYOUNG loves cooking for you. i highkey feel like its his love language? like cooking for you and seeing your eyes light up as it darts back to him after you take your first bite from whatever he cooked just gives him so much happiness. its disgustingly sappy and he doesn't like talking about it. now he understood fully what it meant to see your loved ones eating and being full yourself or some shit. idk how the actual quote goes okay dont come 4 me but u probably get it. anyway the type to always pack you lunch and will get hella mad if you skip meals. "what do you mean you havent eaten yet?" "yeah but i will after i--" "you mean you're going to eat Now?" "what? no maybe later--" "thats it im coming over"

✰ — JAEHYUN would be the type to make you playlists. its really random sometimes he'll send them to you in the early morning for the heck of it bc he cant sleep. most of the time its him being horny lmao the frat boy in him awakening and sending you a playlist called imma blow your back out or something extremely cringey and thirsty pls dont block his sorry ass maybe he'd spell out the words using song titles too! idk jae just rlly strikes me as a guy who's love language is music. "hey babe did you check the playlist i sent you?" "wtf its 4am???" "oh so you havent listened to it yet?" "fuck off" but at the end of the day he'll come over and will use the playlist to,,, you know,,, do the sexy thing ;)

✰ — JUNGWOO always makes sure you walk on the inside of the road. you know when you're walking in the street and he softly nudges your waist? yes. will probably even scold you playfully because with how long its been since you both are together, "babe you always walk on the inside of the road how many times do i have to tell you?" is also the type to remind you to wear your seatbelt immediately after hopping onto his car. would ask you Again while in the middle of the car ride because he forgot that he already asked you earlier. please don't mind him he's just looking out for you bb. "seatbelt?" "yes, babe. already done" "are you sure? i dont think i heard it click--" "babe eyes on the road please" "oh right sorry"

✰ — MARK sends you tiktoks, vines, or memes. this is his love language fite me im calling it. he just wants to see you laugh too okay? thats why he does it. i mean it made him laugh, so maybe it will you laugh too. also because he hopes to make inside jokes with u cuz he believes thats how people really get close and stuff. would definitely love it if you do the same thing with him. you'd be chilling in the sofa while khalid plays on the bluetooth speaker and he'll suddenly go "babe babe babe check this out!" then you both proceed to laugh at a vine for the next thirty minutes <3 #living.the.yn.life

✰ — HAECHAN will do your skincare for you when you're drunk or super tired that you just passed out cold on the bed. would probably come into the room to see you snoring and tutting bc now he has to do it for you again but meh deep down he loves it because he enjoys admiring your sleeping face. its sorta like a healing thing for him? yeah it just washes away all the stress he's feeling and bb is just excited about the idea that this becomes "your thing" with him if u get what im saying? altho the next day he'll probably use it as a leverage to get out of chores :) "no way im not folding our clothes" "and why is that?" "i took your make up off yesterday u know how hard that is? im still tired" "but its literally the next day--" "awww thank you for doing my chores, baby! u the best!" ._.

[dinthehottotty]

Cultural Differences - Part 1 - Din Djarin

Summary: Din proposes and you have no idea that you said yes. Not that you'd say no but you don't have the heart to tell him when you realize.

A/N: Before ya ask, yes, I do play assassin’s creed. I’m shamless, I don’t care.

Warnings: Fluff, maybe a sprinkling of angst, part two will have all the smut for @buttercup--bee​.

When you'd met Mando, you thought the same thing as everyone else from a glance. You believed him to be cold and dangerous. Very quickly did that entire idea go up in big, black smoke. It didn’t take long to watch this man ask for compliance rather than immediately demand it. He always did please and thank you’s when necessary and it was a surprise when that only got you hot and bothered.

Love was not on your radar when you joined his crew. Even now, months after you'd been working with him, you felt like you were pining for the man. That would imply that the awkward Mandalorian would ever foster the idea of a relationship with you. So instead you'd happily day dream your way through the days.

It was easy to do. There was no resentment at unspoken affection. You just loved both Mando and that little green bundle of wrinkles with everything in you. It always made you smile at how much he was an overprotective dad with his 50 year old baby. Even if he tried to deny that he was a dad now.

You found it too easy to tease him about it and your cute aggression reared it's ugly head. You were a person who's love language was physical touch. Constantly touching the bounty hunter surprised him in the beginning. But now it had no effect on him. You probably should have asked him more about Mandalorian culture because that would be your down fall with him.

It was a joke the first time you'd kissed his helmet. Planting a big, obnoxious kiss right on the top of his helmet when he was in the pilot seat and had maneuvered the razor crest out of quite the spot without killing you both. Now it was second nature to peck his helmet's cheek. A warm, friendly greeting when he'd returned from a hunt and when he departs for supplies. A quick smooch to his forehead and a pat to a pauldron as a thank you. Nudging his knee under the table at cantinas to tell him to calm down. A reassuring rub to his strong arms when Peli stresses him out too much. He even let you grasp his arm or thigh when you get excited about something. You were physically affectionate, you didn't think twice about gently bumping your forehead to his helmet when you were purposefully being annoying.

The last thing on your mind when doing this was actually whether or not Mando even thought much of it. He didn't tell you to stop, he never spoke about it, how were you to know.

One day, while Mando was on the floor trying to wear the kid out to go to sleep, you found teasing him all you could do. A light laugh bubbled up from you as his attempts failed repeatedly.

"Hand him over, Daddy." Squating down next to him. He turns his helmet towards you.

"I can handle it. Just go to bed," he orders, with no bark in his voice.

"Not a chance. Give 'im here." He heaves one of his heavy sighs before allowing you to scoop him up and into you. It was routine that you took the kid to bed most nights, Mando was okay with it, but he gives a frustrated sigh when the kid looks quickly like he's getting sleepy.

"Why is that so easy for you?"

"He's just used to me putting him to bed, Mando." You throw him a wink and bounce hip to hip as the kid jabbers sleepily.

There's a silence that feels a little heavy and the Mandalorian shuffles awkwardly. "I... I kind of wanted... nevermind," he cuts himself off, turning away.

That catches your attention very quickly. "No, no! Tell me, it's okay." Your hand darts out as he turns to leave and you catch his arm. He pauses even though he can easily push through it.

"I mean... you're like his mom. Kids like their mothers more. They sooth their children better and women are instinctivly better with kids." That startles you. Mando had never once referred to you as anymore than the kids nanny at any point. You weren't even originally hired to watch the kid.

You're cheeks flair up at that, burning uncomfortably and you feel... giddy perhaps? Did he think of you as a mom to his son? It catches you off guard.

"He definitely doesn't like me better," you reply softly and move closer. "I just put him to bed more often and it's close to bed time, that's all. Come here," you coax, your voice lowering to a warm tone. The bounty hunter twists reluctantly back towards you with slumped shoulders. The kid, who's half dozed in your arms, blinks up at him.

"He adores you, Mando, just take him."

"You don't have to-... its not a big deal."

"Take him," you insist. Finally he lifts the kid into his arms which makes the kid blink up with bigger eyes, a confused coo rising from him.

"Hes waking back up-"

"Shhh." You press forward, against Mando's arms as you run the pad of your thumb along the big ears. Softly you hum, no song in particular, and prompt the Mandalorian to sway with you both. It's a soft, intimate moment, that you never want to end.

It takes a few moments for the kid to settle back down and you hope it doesn't take to long but part of you longs for it not to end. The man-droid calling you his sons mother, or comparing you to one at the very least, is enough to fuel your longing for you employer with out a name for months.

At some point you glance up, expecting him to be watching his son. It paralyzes you when you find his visor trained on you. Gently you clear your throat, blush raising more on your cheeks.

"I didn't mean to overstep. I-"

Thunk.

The Mandalorian tilts his helmet forward and it knocks against your forehead suddenly. If you're honest, it actually hurts a bit with how hard he crashes his head into yours but suddenly the bunk feels so much smaller with him blocking the doorway. "You didn't." Is all he says, in his softest voice.

This was purposeful. He wanted to lean his head to yours. Not to be annoying. There was nothing practical about it, but he was doing it on purpose. Maybe he was feeling playful, you think. 

The both of you stay like that for a while, as you allow your eyes to close. It could have been seconds or hours but finally he shifts away to gently put the kid in his hammock.

"I have something for you." He admits.

"For me?" You repeat, a little dazed. He nods.

"You don't have to accept." You arch your eyebrow as you both exit the room and you watch him mosey over to his weapons vault. Your curious as you attempt to guess what it is mentally. You didn't need anything.

But then he drew out a bundle of fabric and brought it over with both hands. He doesn't say anything, instead he just holds the bundle. You pause, hesitantly taking it. It was heavy and solid with plenty of ridges. When you peel the fabric back, the beskar gleams and a surge of emotion rushes forward as you twist the gauntlet. As you look to the inside you see it, the hidden blade attached to the bottom, something you explained to him before.

A rite of passage from your assassin training on your home planet. Yours had long since broken and you couldn't wear it anymore and it had been two years. You’d only really brought it up to him once, cursing that you would of had the bounty he’d only had the chance to capture after he slipped from your grasp. Mando had given you a short, “I still got him,” and carried on until you were both in the safety of hyperspace. The bounty had been sealed away and you couldn’t even remember who it had been.

“Like a knife?” He prompts in a way that made you both confused and suspicious. 

“Knife? What knife?” you asked.

“You could have won the bounty if you had your blade?” he responded, he partially tipped your way. It was a bit odd of him to focus on that, a little out of character. You brushed it off, especially because he had previously explained that Mandalorians were religious about weapons. 

You hadn’t known much about them (really anything) before him. You just pegged him as having an unhealthy fixation about any type of new weapon.

“Oh, my hidden blade,” you hummed and leaned back, making a face. “It broke a while back. I was apart of an assassin’s group on my home world, they had a few initiation practices. The important one was when you get your hidden blade. It’s like a gauntlet without the hand and the blade sits on the inside of the wrist. When you flex your wrist, the blade extends. My safety broke on it, nearly lost my ring finger.” You’d wiggled your finger that had a deep scar on the inside of it. “Then the blade snapped clean in two and I haven’t found anyone to fix it. I have to go home, since the mechanisms are broken. There are so few of my people left, however, that I’ve just put it off.” Was your response. 

After that he’d never brought it up again. 

"Mando," your voice cracks as you glide your fingers across it. "Mando, it's beautiful." You slide it on. It's heavier than your used to, but it fits like a glove. A quick click and the blade shoots out with a flex of your wrist. "Thank you," you murmur before sinking the blade away and launching into a hug with him.

"Din." He says, making you peer up. "Din Djarin is my name." Your heart skips a beat against his chest. You gaze up at him for a moment, before smiling back down at it. You turn, switching the safety off, before twitching your wrist. The mechanism was backwards from what you were used to, but the shiny blade jutted out as fast as your original had. It’d take a while for you to adjust to the weight of it, but it’s like having a working prosthetic after missing a limb for years. 

“Din,” you test, “how did you get it to fit so well, my old one had straps I could adjust,” you ask. Drawing you eyes back up to the helmet, you let the big smile grow on your face. 

He clears his throat a bit and twists to look at the blade that slinked away almost soundlessly. “I... I would measure your wrist when I grabbed your arm. To move you or stop you while we were out.” You grin at him, switching the safety on so that you didn’t accidently stab him.

“I didn’t even notice!” You quickly, jerk forward and hug him. He squeezes you back eagerly but a thought occurs. “Wait,” you draw back to look at him. “This beskar, right?” 

“Yes.”

“I’m not Mandalorian, though. Won’t I get in trouble?”

“No, it’s given by a Mandalorian. There is no issue.” He promises and that’s the end of it because he thunks his helmet a little too hard against you again.

...

It goes on for months. Din suddenly being more physically affectionate with you. It makes you feel like you can have the softness that comes from a domestic relationship, the kind you never thought you could have. He called you something in Mando’a which seemed to change all the time. It was always at times you weren’t focused on what he was saying so you could never listen and try to look it up later. 

You had found a short list of terms people had translated from the lost and secretive language. Most were mean ones, and you’d only heard him use a couple of those, but never toward you... well... maybe one. But that’s not the point! You were so lost with him. 

It wasn’t until after nearly dying on Hoth, and then again on whatever water disaster of a planet this was. Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned. And when Din dove in after those fisherman launched the kid in to be fed, you ripped those black market trades apart in sheer rage. Fortunately, or un fortunately, Mandalorians arrived and slaughtered more. You were happy to not have Din or the kid drown, but your want of revenge was exponential.

In short, it was a really rough week. One of the worst since the kid had arrived. He wouldn’t stop eating the frog lady’s kids that you were transporting. Not that your really surprised, but you were at the end of your rope.

Sitting in a warm little bar was nice. Between the kid warming himself in your arms and Din’s casual hand on your knee, you were simmering down. You were pressing yourself into din’s side, hoping to leach some of your warmth between his armor. He wasn’t even shivering anymore.

After quite the shock for the both of you when the other three took their helmets off, you had now been stunned into an exhausted mode. Anger had disappeared and replaced it’s self with the same distrust you felt radiating off Din. Shock seems to be the trend on this planet because one moment you’re ready to hear about the fall of Mandalore and the next Bo Katan is twisting to look directly at you. 

“I find it strange that you’re wearing beskar at a black market beskar port.” She throws at you. Everyone glances at your wrist. 

“It’s a gift.” Your rumbling response is the first words you’ve spoken to her from your sour mood. She lifts a condescending eyebrow at you. 

“From you I assume?” She asks Din. 

“Yes.” Is his response. 

“Why a gauntlet?” Bo Katan makes a face. A flick of the wrist and the blade makes and appearance. Eyes widen. “Ah. An engagement gift.” Your brain stuttered in your head. 

“How romantic,” her sidekick, Koska chirps. You were waiting for Din to deny it, all the while rushing through the encounter of when he gave it to you. Had Din proposed? Were you engaged to him this whole time? You weren’t even sure if he saw you in a romantic light, nevermind him actually wanting to marry you. 

“I’m surprised you accepted a proposal from a watcher. Can’t be easy to love someone if you can’t see their face.” Bo Katan remarks. Din’s head turns a little towards you, he’s trying to read you right now. He’s waiting for your response. Had he done this on purpose? He wouldn’t do it out of malace, that you’re certain on. You wouldn’t put it past him to go this long into a relationship and not talk about his feelings. 

“Hardly.” Koska smirks towards Bo Katan and you feel Din slowly let out a breath from beside you. You gently nudge his side. 

“But to never kiss, to never see his face, might be harder than you think.”

“She can see me once were married.” Those words shock you more than the actual announcement that you were engaged. It sealed it for you as well. This surprises those sitting across from you. The ring leader grins suddenly. 

“You really should communicate better with your partner. I don’t think she realized that you were even engaged to begin with.” Din swivels his head and you bite your lip as you’ve been caught red handed.

“You didn’t?” He asks, more of a demand. You wince.

“No, but even if I did know, I still would have accepted.” Din sighs, next to you, clearly frustrated. “In my defense, the only thing you asked me was, ‘Do you accept,’ which granted is a little cryptic, if I’m being honest.” Din takes a deep breath, shaking his head at you. 

“What normally takes place on your world? A gift, correct?”

“Yeah, a ring! Not a hidden blade, you dork. I will say, I prefer this, it’s much more practical.”

“You don’t know anything about Mandalorians, do you?” Bo Katan prompts.

You pass her a look. “I’d never even heard of a Mandalorian before I met him.” All three of them have amused reactions and Din just sinks more into your side. You drop your hand down to his knee. 

The conversation takes a new direction after that and your thankful to not have the attention on you anymore. 

It’s not until you have agreed to help the three of them that the both of you decide to take the oldest (and smallest) clan member to the frog lady’s house.

“If you don’t behave,” you murmur, bristling in the cold ocean breeze rolling through the streets, “I will allow the frog lady to eat you, okay?” you promise the kid. Din pulls you to a stop and the kid perks his tucked ears up, prepared for your betrothed to deny that promise.

“Were you pulling their leg in there? Did you really not know we were engaged?” 

“I mean, I suppose you were pretty forward with me, but I had no clue.”

“You think I was forward?” he demands. Uh oh. You were not expecting that response.

“What... what did I do that was forward?” You hear yourself ask when your not sure you want the answer. Din shakes his head at you. 

“The keldabe kisses?” 

“The what kisses? You mean me kissing your helmet?” 

“That too. Obviously, I’m not able to kiss you the way you’re used to. I won’t be able to until were married, so what Mandalorians do instead is the keldabe kiss.” His hands are placed on your shoulders to hold you in place and he leans down, thunking his helmet against your forehead. “This.” 

You’re eyes go wide as you think about the many times that you basically laid a big one on Din. “Did... did you consider us being in a... romantic relationship before you proposed?” 

“I believed we were, you didn’t?” What a question. Mortification filled you and you could feel your cheeks burning despite the brisk wind. “Do... do you love me?” Your chest aches deeply at the insecurity in Din’s voice. The sound that rumbles isn’t like his warm and gentle tone he usually has. It’s brittle and frail.

“Of course I do! I just... I thought we were just really close friends, that you didn’t see me in that way so I bottled it up and hid it away. I mean... I wanted to mean more to you, but I just... maker, I feel so stupid.” The kid coos with confusion in your arms as you pull away. “Din, I’m sorry.” 

“Do you want to marry me?” He asks so softly it’s almost taken by the wind. You find yourself immediately folding into his arms.

“Yes, Din, yes, I want to marry you. I love you.” You murmur the last part against his cape, feeling to shy to look at him when you say it. His rigid body soften around you and suddenly you’re clutched tightly to his chest. Tighter than he’s ever held you. Ironically, for the first time all day it feels like you can actually breathe. 

“Good... good.” He breathes near you. 

“Can we get out of the wind for a bit?” you prompt.

“Yes, let’s go.” Not how you were expecting your day to start... or end. But there are worse endings to bad days.

Tagging:

@lxdyred​, @boliv-jenta​, @amidjarin​, @buttercup--bee​

[domesticated-feral]

ask game!

thank you for the tag @scribeoffate and @nacreousgore

Name: Feral also known as Tyler.

Fandoms: I like a lot of media, of various types. But the ones I've done the most interaction with is this one bandom that shall not be named and the Teen Wolf fandom. Although im not as immersed in these as I was because other cool things joined the chat, but im still knee deep in it though.

Most popular oneshot:

By Kudos: surprisingly (because i havent gone on ao3 in like months) Fake It 'til You Make It is top with 174 kudos!!!! It's a stackson fake dating/office setting/besties AU

By hits: it's I'm Yours which is also surprising but not unexpected. A smutty sciles oneshot.

Most popular multichapter: I have like 4 multichaptered fics and its undoubtedly the sterek AU fanfic i pantsed during nanowrimo of 2020.

Actual worst part of writing: having no time to write, having motivation but being unable to write. As a writer, thats the most frustrating part to ever experience and continue to experience.

How do you choose your titles? I understand that many writers find this part hard. But I find it pretty easy and I can think of titles in a moderate amount of time. I have three methods: placeholder title that you get attached to, or jumble up key words to make something or PUNS. If situation is dire, just resort to fic #19239283. (this is a callout to 2019 me who titled the first two sterek oneshots i posted to ao2 titled sterek oneshot #1 and sterek oneshot #2 respectively)

Do you outline? Pantser here. But sometimes i write down how i want a fic/chapter to go if i get too confused, its a 50/50 chance whether the outline gets followed or not.

Ideas I probably wouldn't get around to, but wouldn't it be nice if I would?

Most of ideas, blurbs, vague plotty dialogue exchanges which end up jotted down in the notes app probably. Some of them, I think about a lot, I yearn to write them but I haven't gotten around to doing it yet. For one, I would really love writing a fic where Scott is as recklessly selfless as he is in canon and Jackson having none of that bullshit, uses his paralyzing venom to stop Scott from being selfless to the point that he's willing to risk his life against a threat. He can get around to defeating that threat later when there's a better plan but for now, Scott's gotta sit tight. Whether that be voluntarily or involuntarily is up to him....or not.... idk where this idea is going but i want more of it.

Callouts @ Me: liking other things doesn't mean you're abandoning one thing for another. ALSO, don't feel guilty that you're prioritizing studies and stuff like that over stuff that's less arduous like fic writing or drawing...you'll get time to do them soon.

Best writing trait: I don't necessarily overthink about what others might think of what i write and i just write what i want? is that a good trait?

Spicy Tangential Opinion: S4 could've been greater if they had gone with one plot arc instead of trying to balance both the kate werejaguar berserker arc and the deadpool arc at the same time.

I don't think that's as spicy as one would think, but like...s4 could've been less confusing if the writers just focused on one or the other.

Tagging @ all my writer friends who havent been tagged to do this, i cant think rn im so tired and i wanna sleep. it's only been 2 days into this week and im already tired whyyyyy

[oswinunknown]

I posted 99 times in 2021

30 posts created (30%)

69 posts reblogged (70%)

For every post I created, I reblogged 2.3 posts.

I added 76 tags in 2021

#artswin - 14 posts

#lupin iii - 11 posts

#daisuke jigen - 9 posts

#lupin the 3rd - 8 posts

#fanart - 7 posts

#jigen daisuke - 7 posts

#lupin the third - 7 posts

#jigen - 5 posts

#lupin iii part 6 - 4 posts

#self ship - 4 posts

Longest Tag: 114 characters

#i cant tell if this post was made by zenigata jigen goemon or fujiko but it still makes sense for all four of them

My Top Posts in 2021

#5

schreepy mumbo doodles in replacement of me actually sleeping during chem

also not grumbo (its up to ya if it is, i just wanted to draw mumbo resting his head onna shoulder n sleep)

also that comic ive redrawn over 4 times already and im still gonna i firmly believe if mumbo didnt slick back his hair n didnt say anything hed get mistalen for wilford motherloving warfstache

33 notes • Posted 2021-10-14 05:02:24 GMT

#4

i have been blinded by part 6's major-jigen that i failed to notice how kissable cgi-jigens lips are

like yall seeing this shit?????

(pics taken from this vid that i rewatch daily)

like damn here you see the full picture face, lips, nose, n all (plus a one-eye shot godbless)

See the full post

36 notes • Posted 2021-11-16 06:44:41 GMT

#3

jigen

jigen

64 notes • Posted 2021-11-13 02:50:05 GMT

#2

more mumbo brainrot art because hes the only one im drawing rn

also, hermit!tommy because i felt like it shut up

(i cant draw tommy sue me)

See the full post

94 notes • Posted 2021-10-18 05:15:46 GMT

#1

LUPIN III: Castle of Cagliostro REANIMATED! (OPEN SPOTS AVAILABLE)

Hello Lupinblr!

There is a Castle of Caglisotro Reanimated Colab happening right now, and there are many spots open for those who want to join!

Hosted by Corn on discord, the current goal is animating the first 10 minutes of the movie and expanding by 10 minutes as the project gets bigger and bigger.

You dont need any animation expertise in order to join the project! Whether your completely new to animation, experienced, or do other forms of animation like stopmotion, brickfilm, claymation, etc, then you are more than welcome to join and take a part of your own as long as you try your best!

Heres the link if you want to check out the trailer video: (also includes the link to the discord in the description if you are interested in seeing what spots are open and the rules!) https://youtu.be/1oF8tZdk-NU

Please reblog this so this spreads and we can get more lupin fans onto this project! Hope to see you all there!

180 notes • Posted 2021-12-07 03:15:36 GMT

Get your Tumblr 2021 Year in Review →

[aesudan-kholin]

If Kaladin had actually given Elhokar hero lessons, how do you think those sessions would have gone?

so... i made a post recently about how i understand (i know lots of things, but not understand) literally nothing about them whatsoever. so answering this ask isnt going to keep in line with what i usually do of only saying something if im confident in it and reasonably sure it wont change later. AKA me from the future might not agree with what i think and say now. so just putting that out there.

so the thing about this is it probably never could have happened. elhokar was desperate, and in his desperation, whether this idea of kaladin teaching him was something that he had been stewing on for weeks to months, or something he thought of while drunk (i imagine it would be the former, though he probably didn't think about it in specific, accomplishable ways), he finally worked up the courage with the help of some alcohol to ask kaladin to do this completely un fleshed out plan of figuring out how to make elhokar not be a shit king. now, this was doomed to fail for a few reasons.

number one: elhokar had a very very good chance of legitimately being incapable of being a good king.

maybe he could have ended up (with some guidance) as a good leader at some smaller scale, like a small town, but even that is debatable. kaladin instinctively knows things, and while i definitely think he had a negative bias against elhokar and his King Skillz in that moment due their relationship being at a low point, his instinct saying 'yeah thats never gonna happen' was probably completely correct.

number two: kaladin probably would not agree to it.

2a. in that moment where he did ask, kaladin thought he was being weird as hell and was so fucking confused. he didn't know at all where this was coming from, because he is blind to how other people view him a lot of the time, and by extension how elhokar had been idolizing him. they probably hadn't seen much of each other ever since elhokar tried to execute him and throw him in jail. from kaladin's perspective, elhokar tried to kill him, then is coming to him like he has all the secrets to life, which is very baffling to him. unrelated sidenote i need to rewrite this stupid coppermind article on elhokar i did not write it but i want to fix some shit in here. so kaladin in that situation is like WTF????? in his head but out loud he's like 'um.. i dont know if thats possible for you' which is a rejection. i don't know if he would have said the same words if he was at a relative high point in his opinion of elhokar rather than potentially the lowest point that he got in wor that he was in that chapter (thinking about it the chapter where he was in prison might have been the lowest but this is a low point is what im saying), but thats probably an opinion he would have kept throughout the bumpy road of whatever tf their relationship is.

2b. kaladin has shit to do, man. dude was working double triple shifts in words of radiance, got into urithiru and was like the only windrunner, and was training overtime to train some windrunners to have some squires ready for the expedition to kholinar. after he got back he was made a highmarshall and we dont see too much in the ob-row timeskip but he wasnt getting much sleep either, and he probably had a lot of shit to do when he was awake, battles aside. when would he have had the time to even begin to think about lesson plans for this goal that in his head is sort of unachievable, let alone find time for actually talking to elhokar about shit.

so like even if elhokar did ask at a point where kaladin felt less like he was absolute crap and more like [??????? but more positive than the absolute crap thing], kaladin would still have been like dude what. and kaladin also would have been like dude i do not have the time. even in an elhokar lives au (because the first time kaladin would have potentially had any time whatsoever for that is post-kholinar), shallan would probably be the radiant he was interacting more due to lightweaver reasons. and elhokar has a great deal of respect for shallan as well, certainly not as much as he has for kaladin, but he does value shallan's skill and opinion, and shallan would not only be a lot more willing to give elhokar some support and advice, they would be working closer together anyway because of their shared order. he wouldn't be getting this nebulous "secret to life" stuff that he wanted to get from the guy who survived a highstorm, almost single handedly saved an army, beat shardbearers with nothing but a spear, and fell into the chasms only to crawl back out again even after a highstorm, but, and my future self might disagree on this, but he might have just been looking for advice on how to live his life.

but, all of that aside. lets say that kaladin for some reason decided that it was personally important to him to train elhokar to not be a shit leader, that he potentially thought it was not a lost cause, and if he did then he cared enough to try anyway. postponing kholinar (which he would have the power to do in this case, since elhokar would be listening to whatever he said*) might have given him more time for that after that request, or else he might have had to think about it and agree post-kholinar, which would involve an elhokar lives au, which i dont want to deal with all the implications so im going to say in this scenario he accepted after elhokar asked in wor 80, or maybe directly after urithiru was discovered (aka later that night) with a promise to start teaching him right after he got back from hearthstone. god i feel like alternate history hub. the later that night thing would have been more likely because that is after his whole 180 about elhokar. that way, the weird intense commitment to help elhokar be a better leader was baked in to all the other weird dramatic shifts about how he thought about elhokar.

what i think kaladin would do?

possibility 1: he would have elhokar start small. i think he would have elhokar teach a single person to do something. he would get a new recruit, and tell elhokar to teach him to be a soldier. maybe the new recruit is one of lopens cousins who saw elhokar blackout drunk and being pushed around by lopens mom to eat his food, so he's not intimidated by him. the new guy not being intimidated is key, because he can't just do what elhokar says because he's the king. after the day, kaladin talks to the new recruit then elhokar, seeing what went right and wrong, then tells elhokar what changes to make. if somehow everything went right with that, kaladin would next give him a group of 5 to lead in some way, and if that worked, a group of 50.

possibility 2: a job shadow. either kaladin job shadowing elhokar, watching all his fuck ups happen in real time, and constantly whispering advice which is offputting to the people elhokar is meeting with but its funny. the issue here comes with kaladin not knowing a lot of political theory. as good of a leader as kaladin is (which is insanely), elhokar is more well versed in political theory (as an example think of the time kaladin was like 'why is beating sadeas in a duel going to wreck him its literally just a duel' there would be a lot of situations in elhokar's work as a king that kaladin would probably be similarly confused on), even if he doesn't apply it well. either that, or elhokar job shadowing kaladin, watching kaladin train the windrunners, and breaking to explain some things to elhokar every once in a while, which elhokar would theoretically learn from. the issue here of course comes with how both of these guys both have sort of incredibly important jobs that they could probably only carve out a few hours at most for something like that. unless elhokar abdicated.

abdication.... no i shouldn't go into all of this this should be a separate 2000 word post. but abdication could come into play and is related to that *asterisk earlier.

i can not think of a third possibility, although there probably is one. i would think that possibility 1 would be more likely in my opinion.

some meme possibilities i came up with:

- kaladin lets elhokar borrow syl and elhokar wears a hat and syl is in the hat pulling bits of his hair like ratatouille and basically operating elhokar and she makes him be an ideal windrunner whenever she feels like he's fucking up

- kaladin presides over the document signing meetings and whenever elhokar is about to sign a document he thinks isn't good he slaps the pen out of his hand and has a disapproving glare. elhokar has to do the walk of shame across the room to get the pen everytime this happens

- training montage with "Gonna Fly Now" in the background where there is no dialogue and it just shows elhokar visibly failing and he tries to lift a rock with a piece of paper on it that says "kingly responsibility" and fails and kaladin shakes his head, then there's a training montage of idk him learning the spear or training other bridgemen or other kaladin-y things and wearing a bandana for no reason then by the end of the montage he successfully lifts the kingly responsibility rock

- they just completely switch jobs for a while while elhokar gets his shit together. all hail king kaladin

(+ my first thoughts)

[shadowheartssimp]

pc/shadowheart (another modern au fic help) sub 3k words.

-- x -- 1:21 am - 1 new message

Xildi groggily reaches out to her buzzing phone, only a little peeved that something so easily broke her from her trance. With a sigh she gazes at the awfully bright screen and finds herself frowning before her mind can even process. She doesn’t even get to unlock her phone before another message comes in.

1:23 am - 2 new messages

Sitting up straighter, she finally unlocks her phone.

2 messages from Shadowheart

1:21am → 

hey, are you awake

1:23am → 

youre probably trancing

With a sigh, Xildi weighs her options before realizing there’s not exactly one. Her fingers move fast as she types her reply.

1:24am ← 

I’m ‘awake’ now. What’s wrong?

1:25 am →

i didnt say anything was wrong

1:26 am →

you assumed that

Xildi rolls her eyes before looking back down to her phone.

1:27 am →

anyways

Moments pass, and the elf is torn whether or not she wants to return to her trance. She wonders how pissed Shadowheart would be if she accidentally left her on read, and decides that it’s likely not worth finding out.

1:31 am ←

Shadowheart?

1:31 am ← 

You’re making it seem like something’s wrong.

Most likely because something is wrong, but getting the half-elf to admit that is half the battle. Huffing, Xildi shuffles off the bed and begins traversing to her kitchen. Might as well get a snack if she’s about to be up all night waiting for whatever is wrong with her friend. 

Her phone buzzes as she’s prepping a light snack for herself, at least signaling that Shadowheart didn’t pass out on her. Scratch wakes as well, trotting into the kitchen and wagging his tail in hopes for a midnight snack as well.

1:38 am → 

someone from the orphanage contacted me today

1:38 am → 

i didnt want to even message you but idk

1:39 am →

unfortunately you know my past

Xildi rolls her eyes, it wasn’t her fault that Shadowheart blabbed it out when she was drinking too much wine at Wyll’s party. Either way, the story did already peak her interest and Xildi found herself approaching her couch with warm toast.

1:40 am ← 

The orphanage? I thought you told them to never contact you again.

1:41 am →

i did

1:41 am →

that’s why its bothering me

Quizzically Xildi bites on her toast.

1:42 am ←

Wait… you didn’t answer? Are you telling me they called and you let them go straight to voicemail?

1:43 am → 

and? i didnt want to be reminded of that awful place

1:44 am → 

i dont want to listen to it

1:44 am →

at least alone. im coming over

Xildi blanches. She’s coming over, now? She’s hardly well dressed for visitors, practically in her underwear and hair a mess. Not to mention that the place was in an array (not really, but in her eyes it was a pigsty that couldn’t be seen by anyone else’s eyes).

1:45 am ← 

Now?! Seriously? Couldn’t you wait until morning?

1:45 am ←

Shadowheart, my place is a mess.

1:46 am →

yes. now. 

It starts processing in her head. Shadowheart doesn’t live far, perhaps 15 minutes minimum if she takes the bus, but there aren’t any at this hour. At least she’s pretty sure there’s none.  So she’s walking, that gives her probably an extra 10 minutes. Then she’s reminded of how incredibly dangerous that is to begin with -- but it’s Shadowheart and she likely doesn’t care to begin with. She grew up in this neighborhood, this is nothing!

1:48 →

i need you

Oh. Xildi knows her cheeks are warm, because never has Shadowheart ever been so forward. A heavy breath leaves her lips as she knows she has no choice now but to let her come over and likely listen to this voice mail with her. Whatever comes afterward will be another story she’s sure.

1:50 am ←

The door’s unlocked, please be safe getting here.

1:51 am →

im fine

1:52 am →

but youre sweet to worry

Frantically Xildi shoves the now cold toast into her mouth and begins cleaning at an incredible pace. She starts with the kitchen, disturbed that she even let there be dirty dishes to begin with. A few minutes later and she’s drying her hands, curiously peaking over at her phone to see if anything else has come through. Thankfully nothing and she sets off for her bedroom.

It only takes a few more minutes to tidy up before she goes back to retrieve her phone. 

1 new message from Shadowheart

2:04 am →

bitch’zel stopped me on my way. im omw now

Xildi purses her lips, it was awfully late for Lae’zel to be out and about. Now that she thinks upon it, she does recall Astarion’s door closing roughly ten minutes or so ago. Interesting. 

2:05 am ←

Any chance there’s a bus going at this hour?

2:06 am →

already ahead of you

2:06 am → 

last bus of the night… guess im staying at your place again

2:07 am ←

Glad I cleaned my room then :/

2:07 am → 

how kind! bold of you to think id actually sleep with you though

Xildi feels her heart strings pull at that one. 

2:07 am →

well…

2:08 am →

perhaps a discussion for another night

Dropping her phone onto the bed, Xildi falls back and stares up at her ceiling. She’s already on a roller coaster of emotions, she can’t imagine what must be barreling through Shadowheart at the moment. Scratch trots into her room, whining slightly before laying on the floor by the foot of her bed. 

Her phone buzzes again and she lazily reaches across her bed to find it. She doesn’t even get a chance to look at the screen before it drops on her face with a defiant thud. Groaning she picks it off her face and squints at the bright device.

2:14 am →  

or i guess you dont want to talk about it

2:14 am ←  

I do.

2:15 am → 

😤😤 good

Xildi finds herself laughing and lowers her phone onto her chest. 

2:18 am ←

Do you have an ETA?

2:19 am →

excited to see me?

2:19 am →

bout five minutes though

Xildi decides that staring aimlessly at her ceiling is her best way to waste time, not finding energy to do much else. She knows Shadowheart arrives when the door creaks open slowly, and Scratch jumps from his spot on the floor and sprints out of the room. She can hear the light grunt from the half-elf as the dog nearly knocks her over, a fragile laugh echoing the silence as claws scratch along the wooden floor.

It thankfully doesn’t take long for Scratch to settle, Xildi notes from the sudden silence. There are light steps, from both the dog and Shadowheart as they approach her room and the elf gradually rises herself into a more approachable position. Finally their eyes meet in the dim room and she can just tell how worn Shadowheart is.

“Hey,” comes lightly from Xilid as she offers a faint smile. She figures if anything she should try to be welcoming. 

Something close to a response comes from Shadowheart who sulks into the room, dropping her backpack on the way. She practically falls face first onto the bed and lets out what Xildi assumes is a much needed breath.

Tentatively, the elf places a reassuring hand on her shoulder.

“Do you want to change first?”

“I guess.”

So it was going to be a difficult night -- morning? Xildi isn’t sure anymore. Gradually Shadowheart rises from her spot and keeps her gaze away from the elf, absolutely avoiding the pressing matter on hand. The tension stays thick as she digs through her backpack and eventually pulls some sweats out.

Pointendly looking away, Xildi focuses on the ceiling once more as Shadowheart changes. A few quiet moments pass before the mattress shifts and the half elf hesitantly lays down next to her. Now two sets of eyes focus on the white popcorn.

Shadowheart is silent for a long time -- long enough that the elf fears that she has fallen asleep. Just when she’s about to ask, she hears Shadowheart say “I don’t even know if I want to hear what they have to say.”

Xildi shifts her gaze to a troubled Shadowheart who still casts her hard stare to the ceiling. “Do you think you’d be better not knowing?”

“No,” comes first, followed shortly by “I don’t know”.

Finally dark green eyes meet Xildi, ones filled with exhaustion and definitely some fear. The elf can’t help but wonder of all the horrors her friend(?) grew up with in that orphanage. “I could always listen to it, so you don’t have to.”

“And hold it against me?”

“You know I wouldn’t do that.”

Something close to a soft smile eases its way onto Shadowheart’s face, scooting closer and resting her cheek on Xildi’s shoulder. The half-elf’s phone does a light drop on her stomach, almost as an invitation before she sighs. 

Taking the hint, the elf lifts Shadowheart’s phone and goes to unlock it. Truthfully it felt wrong to be even doing that, but she figured if she didn’t there was no way in hell Shadowheart would. A light mutter from her side tells her the passcode that she already secretly knows from another drunken night, and she quickly exits her messages before seeing something she might not meant to be. 

Hell, she shouldn’t be navigating her phone to begin with. 

Her thumb taps the phone app and she feels Shadowheart tense against her, digits gripping her arm. “We could always listen to it later.”

“No,” says Shadowheart as she glares at her own phone. “I didn’t come all this way to continue ignoring it.”

With a slow nod, Xildi continues and clicks on the voicemail tab. She’s only a little surprised to see a few from Gale and Wyll, from today even, but ignores it for the sake of seeing the number sticking out like a thumb between it all. Tentatively she glances to the woman beside her, who holds a fierce look before she taps the number to play the voicemail. 

It starts casual enough, the shuffling of papers, stating who is calling and stating that they were looking for, yes indeed, Shadowheart. To this day Xildi is shocked that they truly messed up her birth certificate that badly. Just when they’re both thinking that the call is a fluke, that they’re trying to bait her back into calling without anything, they hear: “Please call us back when you can, we believe we might have found information about your parents.”

It clicks.

Shadowheart is still, terrifyingly so.

Xildi glances from the phone in her hand, to Shadowheart who is practically cuddling her side, to her white popcorn ceiling. Even she is unsure if it’s the truth or a white lie to get back in communication with her.

“I hate them,” comes quietly from Shadowheart, who’s biting so hard on her lip that blood dares to drip. “I hate them so much.”

Xildi remains quiet, completely and utterly unsure of how to proceed with this new information. A part of her feels that she shouldn’t have just heard this voicemail. She can only imagine how Shadowheart would have handled the news alone. Poorly, if she really has to guess.

Said woman exhales loudly, her grip on Xildi’s arm tightening before gradually loosening. Her breath is fragile for a moment, teetering on the edge of likely tears -- the elf doesn’t dare to look -- before mellowing out to an extent. She shifts slightly before sitting up and crossing her legs. 

“I don’t even know if I want to meet them.”

Her voice is so fragile, unlike herself, that it takes Xildi by surprise. She’s sitting up faster than she can imagine and wastes no time placing a hand over Shadowheart’s own. The very least she can do right now is be supportive. “You don’t have to any time soon.”

Briefly the half-elf tenses from the touch. “They left me there.”

“Sometimes there’s not a choice,” says Xildi with a frown, remembering her own past all too well. She wonders if her brothers are still well even after all this time. “Even so, because of that it led to us meeting, right?”

“Look at you, trying to make this positive,” scoffs Shadowheart, but the faintest of smiles shines. Their eyes lock for a few seconds and the same butterfly feeling stirs in Xildi’s stomach. “It’s crazy how one even can change everything. That orphanage was shit, but it led me to Shar -- something to believe in.”

“Are you thinking how things might’ve been different if you grew up with them?”

Shadowheart tilts her head. “My parents? A little,” pursing her lips, she gazes intently at the wall behind Xildi. “I hate that they left me in that awful place, never once tried to get in contact with me. And now I despise that the orphanage is trying to bring me back.”

“You don’t have to go, or even call back.” With a reassuring smile, Xilid takes her hand back and runs it idly through her hair. “If you’re happy where you are, why change it?”

The half elf pauses, as if Xildi’s words struck her like a bolt of lightning. Her gaze shifts from the wall to her lips, then to her eyes. “Would you change anything?”

“Me?” A bit baffled, Xildi raises a brow before shrugging it off. “A few things here and there sure, but I suppose it’s often better to let destiny take its course.”

“You think us meeting is destiny? That’s cute.”

Xildi gives Shadowheart a look, despite it all there’s something deeper that she’s not inherently saying. It gives her an inkling that somewhere inside, she’s actually agreeing with her -- and that they should continue letting it. Her heart skips in her chest, unsure whether to take the advance before she manages a response. “Do you disagree?”

A long silence fills the air, as if Shadowheart is weighing her options carefully. What is likely only a moment or two feels like an eternity, dragging on and eating away at Xildi until finally -- finally! -- the bed shifts underneath Shadowheart’s weight and the woman is sitting next to her. Polished nails gently scratch at Xildi’s fingers before resting. “No, I don’t think so. In fact…” trailing off, Shadowheart uncharastically fails to meet Xildi’s gaze. “I think you should let it take its course, right now.”

Oh.

Mustering up all of her courage, Xildi leans forward and lifts her free hand, cupping one of Shadowheart’s cheeks. Her skin is warm and soft against her cool hands, a dull reminder of how chilly she prefers to keep her room. Her heart is pounding against her chest as she leans closer. She can see all of her eye lashes, how they begin to flutter nervously, and the dark hues of green in Shadowheart’s eyes. 

Her breath catches, perhaps the other’s too, before she sets her mind on it. Her chest practically explodes as she timidly presses her lips against Shadowheart’s, a full eruption of emotions consuming her as she suddenly gasps for air. How she frees her other hand to cup her other cheek, the need to feel incredibly close to her rising as her heart continues to pound. 

Shadowheart chuckles against her lips, the hot breath tickling her lips as she finds herself smiling. It’s not long before she goes again, parting her lips just enough to ensnare the half-elf’s lower lip. To feel how soft and full hers are against her own, the warmth that comes to her cheeks, face -- hell, her stomach too. All overwhelming but wonderful at the same time. She wasn’t aware how much she was craving this moment.

After what feels like an eternity (but definitely was a couple minutes at most), Xildi pulls herself away and shyly drops her hands to the bed. Her cheeks burn as she stares at a lopsided and completely goofy grin that stretches on Shadowheart’s face. Endearing? Absolutely.

“Perhaps… it was destiny -- us meeting that is.”

Xildi smiles. “Perhaps it was.”

[just-random-obsessions]

Funny Moments In Thor The Dark World

Find Thor 1 here

Find Avengers 1 here

This is the second part of me watching all three thor movies and the avengers movie and comparing the humor pre-ragnarok to the humor in the 3rd Thor movie. And, as before, I’m writing this on my computer where the I and U keys don’t work so sorry for any spelling mistakes.

Tag List: @nikkoliferous @fyrecrafted @lokijiro @miskiett @darthxerik @icyxmischief @iamanartichoke @juliabohemian @official-and-unstable-satan @melodylnoelle @just-another-human-2019 @fandomsfanfiction @mentallydatingahotcelebrity @cateyes315 @burningarbiterheart @imnotacreepijustlikeyou @usedtobegoodfriend96 @alexakeyloveloki

Official-and-unstable-satan and fandomsfanfiction weren’t tagged sry

Anyone who wants to be added/removed to the tag list please let me know! and if I missed someone please also let me know. Sorry this post is so long

~ “Hello Mother. Have I made you proud?”

~ “Please don’t make things worse” “Define worse”

~ “I really don’t see what all the fuss is about”

~ “Just like you”

~ *That smile!!!!*

~ “I’ve got this completely under control!” “Is that why everything’s on fire?”

~ *About the Scary MonsterTM: “All yours”

~ *Thor says hi to the Big Scary MonsterTM*

~ “I accept your surrender”

~ “Anyone else?” *All the people simultaneously: NOPE*

~ “Perhaps next time we should START with the big one”

~ *Odin obviously shipping Thor and Jane* (idk I got a kick out of this)

~ *Jane awkwardly avoiding her date*

~ *Date: hi*

~ *Him awkwardly talking about his ex*

~ “And the fact that she kept sleeping with other men” “NO!”

~ *Darcy being mistaken for a waitress*

~ *Darcy mouthing “Cute” to Jane about Richard*

~ *Darcy embarrassing Jane by talking about Thor*

~ “Is there a point to all of this cause there REALLY needs to be a point to all of this”

~ “That’s what I said!”

~ “That’s what I did!”

~ “He’s not interested” “I’m interested” (Am I the only one who feels like his awkwardness was actually kinda cute?)

~ “He’s my intern.” “You have an intern?”

~ *Intern is fucking adorable like Richard*

~ “I have totally mastered driving in London!” *Has not mastered it at all*

~ *Selvig running around Stonehenge naked*

~ *Darcy keeps calling Ian ‘Intern’*

~ *Darcy calls Jane cause she didn’t wanna shout*

~ God I fucking love Darcy she’s so criminally underrated

~ “I am not getting stabbed in the name of science”

~ “It’s okay, we’re Americans!” “Is that supposed to make them like us?”

~ “We’re scientists-well I am” “Thanks”

~ “That doesn’t seem right”

~ “I wanna throw something! Jane give me your shoe!”

~ *Jane ignores Darcy*

~ “Give me your shoe”

~ “Were those the car keys?”

~ *Ian’s face when he realizes he threw the car keys to another planet*

~ *If you have to bury so many people then you’re doing something wrong you hot dumb fuck* (I mean that’s basically what Heimdall said right?)

~ “Typical” *after being left behind while Jane goes to talk to her boyfriend*

~ *Jane! Love of my life and most talented and beautiful person in the world oh how I love yo-SLAP*

~ “As excuses go, its not terrible”

~ “I know” “You do?” “Do what?”

~ *Darcy interrupts the KissTM*

~ “Um I’m pretty sure we are getting arrested”

~ “How’s space?” “Space is fine”

~ “He’s my intern… My intern’s intern”

~ “Holy shit!” (after Jane went up in the Bifrost)

~ *Heimdall calmly dodges the car*

~ “We have to do that again”

~ “Hello”

~ “What’s that?”

~ “It’s a soul forge” *No I’m pretty sure that’s a quantum field generator*

~ *Jane being ready to fight Odin for comparing her to a goat*

~ “You told your dad about me?”

~ “It must be so inconvenient, them asking about me day and night”

~ “Please meet my mother” *Jane shies away from Thor*

~ Loki casually tossing the thingamajig in the air like the cute little shit he is

~ Lord, he’s so damn pretty

~ *Kurse being like: Lol I ain’t touchin’ that boy with a ten foot pole*

~ “It’s as if they resent being in prison”

~ “There’s no pleasing some creatures”

~ *Loki calmly reading a book while all Hel breaks loose*

~ “You have my word that no harm will come to yo-” nvm bitch die

~ *THAT look between Sif and Jane*

~ *Frigga immediately seeing through Odin’s bs lies*

~ *Heimdall: I have defeated the big space ship!! The bigger one behind him: Bitch you thought*

~ “WITCH!!!!” *Now I know who Loki gets his amazing aforementioned smile from*

~ *Selvig using shoes to explain complicated science*

~ *Selvig then using pencils*

~ “Any questions?” “Yeah, can I have my shoe back?”

~ “What’s SHIELD?” “It’s a secret”

~ *Darcy’s cute af face when she sees that Selvig is in the mental hospital*

~ “Are you sure you wouldn’t just rather punch your way out?”

~ *Loki shapeshifting into the guard*

~ “Mmm Brother, you look ravishing”

~ “Costumes a bit much”

~ “So tight!”

~ “I can FEEL the righteousness surging!!”

~ “HEY wanna have a rousing discussion about truth?”

~ “Honor?”

~ “Patriotism?”

~ “GOD BLESS AMERICA!”

~ “At last. A little common sens-”Bitch are you really fucking kidding me? (What do you mean that’s not what he said?)

~ “I thought you liked tricks”

~ “I’m Loki, you may have heard of-” SLAP

~ “That was for New York”

~ “I like her”

~ *Loki gazing lovingly at Jane in the background*

~ “Betray him, and I’ll kill you.” “It’s good to see you too Sif”

~ “If you even think about betraying him-” “You’ll kill me? Evidently there will be a line”

~ “I thought you said you knew how to fly this thing.” “I said how hard can it be?”

~ “Whatever your doing brother I suggest you do it faster.” “Shut up Loki

~ “You must’ve missed something.” “I didn’t, I’m pressing every button on this thing”

~ “Well don’t hit it. Just press it, gently.” “I aM pReSsInG iT gEnTlY AND ITS NOT WORKING!!!”

~ *Thor starts slamming buttons and it starts working*

~ *Volstagg: Oh fighting is much fun- OH SHIT IM FALLING!! HELP!!!*

~ “I think you missed a column.” “Shut up”

~ “Why don’t you let me take over? I’m clearly the best pilot”

~ *Bitch I’m the one who can actually fly*

~ “Oh dear. Is she dead?”

~ *Thor knocks over a column* “Not a word”

~ “Now they’re following us”

~ “Now they’re firing at us”

~ “Yes thank you for the commentary Loki, it’s not at all distracting”

~ “Well done, you just decapitated your grandfather”

~ *Seriously, whoever wrote the escape scene is a genius!!!*

~ *Loki yelling at Thor about how thIs was a bad idea you dumb fuck- wait wtf are you doing AAAAHHHHH!!!!1*

~ “You lied to me. I’m impressed”

~ *That smile again snfnejaihfeqrqrsbdsalxdjewonjfeq*

~ “For Asgard!” YEET

~ “Nothing personal boys!”

~ “If it were easy, everyone would do it”

~ “Are you mad?” “Possibly”

~ “TADAAA”

~ “Oh yeah, my father. Eric Selvig”

~ “And these” “yeah… those”

~ “How did you find me?” “You were naked on television”

~ “I don’t get paid enough. I don’t get paid at all”

~ “What’s happening? Birds? Birds are happening?”

~ “All right are you ready?” “I am”

~ *phone rings* “It’s not me”

~ “Why are there so many shoes in here?”

~ “I’ll just text her”

~ “So who’s Richard?”

~ *Thor hanging his hammer on a coat hanger*

~ “Where are your pants?” “Oh he says it helps him think”

~ “Loki is dead” “Oh thank God!”

~ “Better get my pants”

~ “Do you even know what these things do?” “No” “…Neither do I”

~ “Ooh get the guy with the sword!”

~ “Oops”

~ *Ian’s high-pitched scream*

~ *Does car insurance cover My Car Was Sucked Into Another Planet Due To A Cosmic Event That Only Occurs Once Every 5000 Years or no?*

~ *Thor and Malekith fighting between worlds and poor little Mjolnir trying to keep up*

~ *The two of them against windows*

~ *AAAHHH*

~ *Awww! Look at the cute little Jotunheim monster! He’s so adorable I wanna pet him so much!’

~ *Darcy and Ian kissing after he saved her life*

~ “Darcy?” “Jane!” “Ian?” “Selvig.”

~ “Myuh Myuh!!”

~ *Thor ends up on the subway*

~ *The girl taking 50 photos*

~ *Thor and the woman colliding into eachother*

~ “I’ve come to accept your surrender”

~ *Malekith gets crushed by his own ship. Now that’s some lovely karma right there*

~ *Darcy and Ian go back to kissing*

~ “He kinda committed treason on our way out” oops

~ Jotunheim Puppy chasing birds

Wow I’m so sorry this was so long. But guess what? It’s gonna get even longer. Sorry, again.

So one of the differences between the first and second Thor movies is that Thor 2 has humor in the climax whereas Thor 1 doesn’t. This is because of the differences with who is the villain. In Thor 1, Thor is having to fight his brother. To quote Avengers, they “played together and fought together” for several millennia. Of course there’s not going to be any humor in it cause there shouldn’t be. The climax at the end of the movie isn’t supposed to be some epic battle between the forces of Good TM and Bad TM. It’s supposed to be tragic that he’s having to fight his own brother because Loki lost his mind due to so many factors. The last joke in the film is “You’re an amazon liar brother, always have been” “It’s good to have you back”. There’s nothing else till the end credit scene. That’s because Kenneth Branagh knew that this was supposed to be viewed at as being sad a hopeless, not some awesome upbeat battle.

Thor 2 on the other hand, is exactly that. Thor has known Malekith for.. what? 2 days? Maybe 3? His relationship and dynamic with Malekith is different than with his brother. To Thor, this is just another enemy attacking Asgard. And I’m not sure whether this was intentional or not (because I remember reading somewhere how Allen Taylor had a bitch of a time in the editing process so I think the movie came out different than he intended) but the lack of any personal relationship will Malekith means the film can make really funny jokes and still have it fit with the film. If anything, I might even argue that the humor helped the film to maintain a very nice positive vibe. Idk I can’t think of the right words to explain it but the jokes actually fit the film very well.

However, then we move on to Ragnarok. With Ragnarok, Thor is fighting his sister. While (just like Malekith) he has only known her for two days, that still doesn’t take away the fact that he is having to fight his sibling. And I’m not a film director but if I had the option of approaching this situation and taking it the Thor 1 route or the the Thor 2 route, I’d go with Thor 1. Because it’s actually incredibly tragic that Hela has been driven to insanity like Loki (though ok a different level) due to Odin’s shitty parenting. She is the horrible way she is because Odin made her that way. And that could’ve been an AMAZINGLY complex story with the audience feeling so much sympathy for Hela like we did with Loki in Thor 1, but the narrative just falls flat for two reasons. 1) Taika admitted he didn’t want the film to be emotionally complex so 2) The humor in the climax completely detracts from the seriousness of the situation.

Also, some side notes: Yes, this is edited from the original. I accidentally deleted everything and then had to go back and add everything back in. So I also had to re-tag people too. And I also added a bit more explanation at the end. I meant to do so when I originally posted but it never got done till now. Sry. Also sry that it’s so long

[nerdgul]

Could you explain the brain receptor thing and unmonitored internet usage?? I wasn’t monitored either and now I’m gay but like what else this shit do

i certainly can 

first off ill start by saying the internet didn’t make you gay. it may have opened you up a bit  and gave you more info on the subject, but thas you own shit my dude. good shit, but yours

and secondly, its way to late for me to be scouting academic articles n shit so this is gon be more of a long winded rant than anything proper. and even simplifying it down this is gonna get long and be badly spelled so sorry in advance (especially to mobile users who don't gets a keep reading break) 

*** now for the tldr; you may not have been monitored but things are significantly different than it was a decade ago. internet addiction is a much more prevalent and real problem. addiction of any kind fucks up how your brain chemistry. today’s tech is essentially heroin for kids and children do not understand the concept of self control. 

so children brains are not fully developed when they come out, but we’re learning and making connections from day 1. thing is is that when a connection is made it pretty damn hard to sever. even as an adult unlearning shit is a lot harder than learning it and when ur a kid your learning shit constantly and it gets cemented way faster. so essentially what happens to your brain in childhood will be pretty damn hardwired into you forever. (there exceptions of course but were talking habits and brain chemistry here) 

which means it’s super fucking easy to get a toddler addicted to shit. like stupid insanely easy. they're little fucking suckers for some sweet sweet pavlovian conditioning.  

but what qualifies as an addiction? a lot of people debate whether or not things like video games/internet can qualify as a legit addiction cause they aren’t chemicals that directly impact the brain but are instead things that cause your brain to produce its own feel good chemicals that still fuck up your brain. but they cause all the same reactions in the end. 

basically the internet make you feel good. you want to feel good all the time. you fuck up your dopamine receptors by overloading them with cat videos. it takes more internet to get the same good feel. you start avoiding other less pleasurable parts of life (school, family, sunlight). bam, addiction. 

i’ve seen toddlers that had symptoms compared to actual meth junkies, the only difference is that when a toddler has a screaming crying raging fit over not having their fix its seen as ‘kids just being kids’ and many parents will roll their eyes and to get them to shut up will just let the kid have 5 more minutes of screen time… or 50. but thing is, that shits not normal. sure tantrums every now and then happen but it is the responsibility of the parent to help their child regulate screen time because children are not yet developed enough to self regulate shit.   

this is especially bad for video games. it might seem harmless enough to hand over some phone game to your kid while your busy running errands to keep em quiet but mobile games are designed to be colorful busy give constant achievements and keep you playing (so you’ll watch more ads or pay more money). its overstimulation and the child doesn’t even realize it, instead they see anything outside the game as being the ‘too much’ and lash out at the parent trying to get their attention instead. 

and beyond the part of addiction too much screen time has also been linked to lack of sleep, delayed speech development, and poor social skills. 

babies literally need to be touched or they’ll die. lack of eye contact at a young age can fuck up their sense of self and connections to others. so if your a parent looking at your phone instead of your kid it already is teaching them the phone is more important. and when they finally get to the screen they will also start prioritising it over socialising  and i cannot stress enough how fucking important regular social contact with children is. they need it to develop right. seriously just look up ‘feral children’ and see what happens (granted those are worst of the worst cases but even self inflicted isolation still isn’t good for anyone). 

so what does poor social skills and a fucked up domaine receptor get you???  DING DING DING, LIFELONG DEPRESSION AND ANXIETY!! a slu of mental health issues just waiting to feed on them poor deep fried serotonin nuggets.  

now im not saying internet gives people depression. that would be a gross oversimplification of the subject. and in many studies its been shown the correlation (wich is very high btw) between internet usage and depression is because internet attracts people with pre-existing depression but when talking specifically about children who dont already have these issues its a different story. 

however if you were born in the 1990s to early 2000s you have a different story than children today. so far i’ve been talking about mostly toddlers who use modern tech (phones, kids tablets ect). millennials and early gen z era were a little special having grown up with this technology but in such a way it was much harder for us to abuse it. sure there were some kids who would play webkinz for 5 hours a day and live in front of the TV, but there would also only be a single computer in the house which the whole family shared, and the internet was probably slow so it was a lot harder for this generation to have these kinds of issues. TVs also had to be shared and had regular commercials and reruns so your get bored and go outside sometimes. no constantly continuous streaming of any new content at your fingers. things just.. didn’t need to be monitored as closely back then. 

thats not to say it didn't need to be monitored at all, but more so issues with technology were less likely to happen or developed to a far lesser extent. it’s also why i see a lot of millennials defending the internet. making memes about overprotective moms being worried about video games n shit. They dont relize just how different things are and what that means.

but the reality is technology as it is today is much different. everything wants your attention all the time and growing up in a world where you get your very own touch screen device at a young age to do with whatever you please, that opens the door to a lot more potential issues and they’re things we shouldn’t ignore. 

and thats not even getting into the specific types of content children could be consuming or the effects of social media and internet culture has on older children and teens. but thats a whole other rant. 

anyway if its requested ill make a more informed fully sourced post to tackle any particular subject with more depth, lord knows i’ve still glossed over about a million other parts of the topic, but for now hope this helps. ps; if anyone wishes to add on/correct me/phrase something better please feel free to doso    

[plantcore-posterboy]

75 reasons we love you

Here ya go, baby. @your-friendly-neighborhood-enby

(Credits to Me for these)

1. You're kind, its something I love about you, even on your darkest days, you can make someone else happy.

2. Your interests. You can go on rants about things, and honestly, it's amazing, because once you're interested in something, you're interested in it.

3. You let me rant to you. You can be having a really bad day, but you'll always listen to me.

4. You're an amazing writer. I've read your work for a long time, and you never cease to amaze me.

5. You're adorable. I love your smile, and no matter how much you disagree, you really are adorable.

6. You may not always know how to respond to something, but you always respond, so I know that you're still there.

7. You are a good singer. Your voice is calming and easy to listen too.

8. No matter what you see about yourself as a flaw, you can always see the good things about people.

9. You put others before yourself no matter what it does to you, you just genuinely care about other people.

10. You've managed to survive, yeah it gets rough sometimes. But guess what? You've made it.

11. Nicknames. You're just really good at using nicknames, which is honestly a skill.

12. Common interests! We have quite a few, which honestly I find amazing.

13. You deal with me no matter what stupid crap I do, and I admire you for that.

14. You're accepting, you've never judged me, and I appreciate that.

15. You always know how to calm me down. A skill I both admire and adore about you.

16. You put effort into everything you do.

17. You are always willing to fight people with love.

18. You mean what you say, as far as I can tell. Honesty is good.

19. You've always been nice, which is why I got along with you so easily in the beginning, there's so much more now.

20. You have the ability to easily make friends. I mean, so many people on here love and adore you, including me.

21. You've always been there for me when I've needed it.

22. Your personality is amazing, you're sweet and loyal and I love it.

23. Your smile. Its adorable and I wish I could see it more.

(Credit to @thelonelycreature for the next ones)

24. SMOL SOFT CHILD!

25. SUPPORTIVE!

(Credits to @ihavenoclueanymore for these ones)

26. They are smart

27. They are themselves and unique (which is a good thing because they aren't fake! Which happens a lot)

28. They are very into musicals

29. They are are very easy to fluster and make blush

30. They have great writing

31. They are super adorable no matter how much they think they aren't

32. They have a very great dream and is good at musicals (and singing)

33. We have a bunch of stuff in common (we will probably find more as we get to know each other better!)

34. They have a cute smile

35. They are very cool person who deserves lots of love

36. They are an amazing arospec and enby who cares for others and isn't mean.

TOP 10 REASONS @nonbinaryroyaltylove LOVES LO!!!

(37) Reason #1: Lo is the most caring person on this planet and will listen to me rant my little heart out about something that they don’t even know about but they will make an effort to understand it anyway.

(38) Reason#2: Lo makes me smile whenever im down and they always know the right thing to say when im angry or sad.

(39) Reason #3: Lo is so so so so so so so so smart, they always come up with little jokes on the spot or things in their stories that i love.

Reason#4: speaking of Lo’s stories, don’t even get me started!!! Weather it’s late at night or early morning or anytime, I love reading their one shots and all their stories. They are so creative with their content and they are so friendly to their followers. (No wonder everyone wants to be their friend)

(40) Reason #5 Lo is really good at listening and when i say really good i mean REALLY GOOD. When I feel really down i know that they will always be there with a virtual hug and some yeeted love in my direction. The best part is, even if your an anon and they don’t know you they will still give you all the love in the world.

(41) Reason #6: you can count on Lo to never tell anyone your secrets and insecurities. Lo knows a lot of things in my life and only one other person i know knows as much about me as they do. If you tell Lo something they will take it to their grave.

(42) Reason #7: they deal with all the sap juice that we all give each other everyday and even through the shitty times they help others and honestly they handle the sap so well and its great.

(43) Reason #8 Lo is really good at just being a friend no matter what you need they will provide it. If you need love they will yeet it at your face and if you ask for space they will respect it, they are very patient always.

(44) Reason #10: lastly is that Lo will make sure you are ok. I was recently in a very dark place and Lo helped take me off the edge I was standing on. Lo will rant to you and make sure you eat and sleep even if it means sacrificing their own. (Which we will all rant back to them that they need)

(45) Reason #11 Lo is the actual fucking imbodyment of a hufflepuff!!!!!!!!! That in its self should be reason enough to love them

(Credits to @lovelylogicality for these)

(46) 1. They inspire me to write, and actually help me feel proud of my work

(47) 2. They make me feel important, like something really special instead of just boring.

(48) 3. Lo makes me feel better about myself (especially my weird eyes)

(49) 4. They’re kind and sweet and always try to make me feel better.

(50) 5. Always there with encouragement

(51) 6. Lo writes amazing little fics and I always love seeing their stunning work on my dashboard

(52) 7. THEYRE JUST AS SAPPY AS US

(Credits to me, again, for these)

53. You always know how to make me smile, whether its intentional or not.

54. Honestly, I smile anytime I see something that reminds me of you.

(Credits to @ihavenoclueanymore , again)

(55) 1. calls everyone a sap even tho we are all just telling truths

(56) 2. knows (with me telling) just what pet names to use to make me heart completely melt and my brain short circuit

(57) 3. very loveable human!

(58) 4. prefers to read the book (best type of human)

(59) 5. is poly! (Us polys need to stand together!)

(60) 6. makes nonhuman noises when flustered (need to hear these)

(61) 7. is very precious baby (in a non weird way)

(62) 8. very kind to everyone!

(63) 9. introvert (we also have this in common and need to stan together!)

(64) 10. favorite side is virgil (best side besides patton)

(65) 11. is legit the only human I've seen use greetings and salutations and it's awesome

(Credits to @lovesupportandcookies for these)

(66) 1. Heccin adorable

(67) 2. Does their best to be nice even in hardship

(68) 3. Incredibly sweet in general (all the sap)

(69) 4. Oh! And very trustworthy!

(Credits, again, to @nonbinaryroyaltylove )

(70) Reason #12: when Lo send out ask requests on their blog they actually do them and answer everything with the upmost importance. Lo puts their people before everything and will take time out of their precious day to care for them. Weather it be answering a simple and silly ask or responding to a more personal problem and he treats them all with importance.

(71) Reason #13: Lo is so accepting, you could tell them anything and no matter how messed up or strange you might think it is, they will embrace it and love you for you, which in my book makes them of the best people I have met.

(72) Reason #14: They know musical theater just like any lord should, you can talk to them about any and all musical theater and on the rare occasion that they dont know what it is they will make an effort to listen to and/or watch it so they talk about it with you.

(73) Reason #15 Lo is the most adorable lord you will ever see on earth, their smile is infectious and whenever they look at you, or if they are online, text they have the ability to make you feel safe and its like they are giving you a huge hug in a blanket of safety and trust. So yeah Lo will instantly make you feel safe and loved whenever they talk to you.

(Credits to @marshmallowmischief for this one)

(74) they're so valid in everything they do

(Credits to me for this last one)

(75) You give the absolute best virtual hugs.

Lo, this is for you. We thought you could use some love, so I asked some people to help and we put this together. Sorry it's a bit of a mess, but it's made with love

Overall credits to:

Me

@thelonelycreature

@marshmallowmischief

@lovesupportandcookies

@ihavenoclueanymore

@nonbinaryroyaltylove

@lovelylogicality

[marculees]

50 Questions Tag

Catching up on my tags! Tagged by @sunshine-jaehyun and @pikachulein thank you <3

What takes up too much of your time? Thinking too much and making myself panic hahah

What makes your day better? Getting the early bus home from college while its still sunny outside and I can eat dinner with my family rather than alone at night

What’s the best thing to happen to you today? I can’t pick one particular thing but it was a nice day!

What fictional place would you like to go to? Neverland pls

Are you good at giving advice? I think only someone else can answer for me hahaha but I get asked for it a lot so maybe? Everyone likes to hear different things so it depends on the person >.<

Do you have a mental illness? No, I don’t think so anyway

Have you ever experienced sleep paralysis? No but I have nightmares nearly every night lol

What musician inspired you the most? Kodaline <3

Have you ever fallen in love? I think love is a very strong word and while I have certainly had crushes, I’m not sure whether I’ve really experienced true love yet. I’ve recently gotten into a relationship though and I’m very soft for him so he could convince me otherwise if I try to be vulnerable enough, pls pray for me ;-; his moon is in my 8th house so i probably wont have a choice and just do it naturally oops

What’s your dream date? I have multiple ones: arcades/bowling/picnic in park/playing sports/homemade dinner/orchestra/petting farm or rescue shelter to play with the animals uwu

What do others notice about you? A lot of people point out my accent and ask where I’m from because they don’t believe I’m from my town (I sound ‘posh’ apparently dklshjvgv), they also make lots of comments on my figure and lips. In terms of personality, a lot of people point out my public speaking and contributions to class discussions or small conversations which has led to me getting very flustered but proud when pointed out :S

What’s an annoying habit you have? Turning down 99% of invites to go on nights-out/parties and then getting offended when not asked anymore lmao

Do you still talk to your first love? No, he’s a very different person now and so am I and there’s nothing wrong with that :)

How many exes do you have? 1

How many songs are in your playlist? I have multiple playlists that range from 10 - 700+ songs :’)

What instruments can you play? Tin whistle nearly everyone in Ireland can so I don’t really count it haha

What do you have the most pictures of? My cat lol

Where would you like to go before you die? Iceland to see the Northern Lights

What’s your Zodiac? Leo

Do you relate to it? In parts, yes. I have other signs for my other personal planets though, so no Leo stellium or anything

What is happiness to you? Acknowledging negatives but choosing to appreciate the small things in life more

Are you going through anything right now? Yes, I think we all are! Please know that there are so many people out there who can help you and we’ve all got each other here <3

What’s the worst decision you ever made? Being nice to people who didn’t give me the same treatment oof

What’s your favourite store? Toy shops! I always feel happy in them c:

What’s your opinion on abortion? If you don’t want one, don’t have one but don’t stop someone else who does or needs one. Its none of your business so fck off -.-

Do you keep a bucket list? I do actually

Do you have a favourite album? Politics of Living - Kodaline

What do you want for your birthday? Headphones or money. Its depending on what news I am yet to have confirmed with me...

What are most people’s first impressions of you? Again, everyone assumes I’m posh? In school I was considered “smart, quiet and nice”. Now in college, a lot of people have said I come across as confident and outgoing shkdvjkgvjk so identity crisis much?

What age do you seem according to most people? Appearance - 12 y/o and personality - 5 y/o

Where do you keep your phone while you’re sleeping? On my dresser

What word to you say the most? “Grand”, “lads“, “f*ck”

What’s the oldest age you would date? I’m turning 20 in August so like...22/23? I have a big worry about being looking really young compared to my partner and people thinking they’re my older brother/babysitter/dad :L

What’s the youngest age you would date? A year younger but that’s it, otherwise I feel like a creep lmao

What job/career do most people say would suit you? Either teaching or something to do with activism and politics. People also say therapist but I get frustrated with overly negative/lazy people far too easily and I’d probably snap, I’m really sorry :(

What’s your favourite music genre? I listen to a bit of everything but rock has a special place in my heart <3

If you could live in any country in the world, where would it be? It has its flaws but I’d still pick Ireland. However, I really wanted to do a study abroad in Canada next year so if I had enough money I could have lived there for a year dkvhdklhdkv

What is your current favourite song? Ready - Kodaline

How long have you had this blog for? 2 or 3 years, I think?

What are you excited for? A possible seaside holiday with my family and best friend, starting pole fitness class next week, and seeing my bf this weekend ^-^

Are you a better talker or listener? Talker, I think. I love public speaking and I get many compliments for it! I’d love to inspire people through my words and presence *-*

What is the last productive thing you did? Scrolling through job listings and realising how unqualified I am >.<

What do you want for Christmas? Video games

What class do you get the best grades in? It was sociology and then I dropped it this year which was probably a mistake lol I still get firsts (A’s) in my international development modules though and this semester was definitely an improvement in my business modules!

On a scale of 1-10, how are you feeling right now? Like a 7?

What can you see yourself doing in ten years? Hopefully an author or entrepreneur who is inspiring young people to chase their own dreams and not let anybody tell them they can’t <3

When did you get your first heartbreak? 14 maybe? I was actually relieved when I broke up with my ex (17) but I felt like sh*t when a crush said they liked me back and then asked if they could date my friend instead, when I was 14 lol

What age do you want to get married? At the very least 28 but there isn’t any rush and idk if I want to anyway because tbh I just want the whole cute dressing-up and ceremony with loved ones and softness oops buuuut people just keep asking if you’re gonna have kids after and its like pls stfu :))))))

What career did you want to have as a child? Ballerina and a bodybuilder simulataneously O.o

What do you crave right now? A cuddle and kiss on my cheek from a certain someone <3

I’ll tag @happysmilebtr @wouldujae @im-mei @youmademydawnh @castielsinwhite @9empo @smittenbyschmidt and anyone else who would like to do it!

[doctormage]

hi i just need to be really dramatic and long winded bc if i dont get it Out im going to fucking explode

ive actually been trying really hard this semester with my thesis and its REALLY fucking difficult for me. my depression makes me catatonic and unable to complete simple tasks or be motivated to do literally anything; my anxiety paralyzes me at the slightest unexpected change and then obsess over whether everyone in my life hates me because of my anxiety; my sleep schedule is constantly fucked and my doctor is unhelpful; my bdd will sidetrack me from my work and responsibilities for literal hours or days, and sometimes if its feeling spicy send me on a full scale fucking breakdown; and my adhd makes all this shit worse on TOP of all the NORMAL adhd shit. like thats just!!! my life!!!! at all times!!!!! and there have been several times where i have genuinely considered leaving this program or not continuing school after bc i was so fucking overwhelmed and exhausted and scared but i didnt!!! like i make a lot of jokes about procrastinating and wasting my time and doing the least and whatever but in reality its really fucking difficult for me even when im medicated!!! but i dont like admitting that bc of all my exhausting childhood baggage and shit but that is not the point of this rant so anyway

this semester i made a specific effort to try and be a better student even tho all of this stuff has been exacerbated by grad school. i felt i owed it to my director and one of my committee members because theyve been so fucking helpful and put their faith in me and took a lot of their time to help me. i wanted to show them i was worthy of it and capable of being a good student who does all the shit she’s supposed to do, does it well, and does it on time. i overloaded my fall semester and nearly lost my goddamn mind JUST to have a lighter class load this semester so i could focus most of my time on my thesis (like for real that was actually incredibly stupid of me. i lost almost 30 pounds from september to december without conscious effort just because i was so fucking stressed. not a brag and actually kind of concerning bc that has LITERALLY never happened to me). it has been like....significantly taxing, but i wanted to show them how much i appreciate their time and effort and help by being responsible and respectful. my Trying Hard is a lot of people’s Barely Doing Their Best and i know that. turning something in 2 hours early is below average for some but for me, literally anything more than 30 minutes before its due is an actual goddamn miracle. but i wanted to work hard and do things right for my committee members because they deserve it

this christmas my parents asked what i wanted and the ONLY thing i asked for was help with my library dues. last year from like march to october i was significantly depressed and entirely out of my head, and i racked up some pretty bad overdue fees. i didnt even ask them to pay all of it, just some of it. less than $100. im really truly grateful for the gifts they DID get me, but i didnt ask for them for any of it, and my overdue fees were left alone. i was under the impression that they got paid and, like a fucking idiot, i didnt check up on it to confirm. ive been so hell deep in my thesis and teaching and grading and applying to phd programs and looking for apartments and shit that it really just slipped my fucking mind!!! crazy!!!!

today i was in crisis bc i thought i fucked up with scheduling my defense/exam/whatever the fuck. im going to call it defense and i dont give a shit bc everyone calls it some other shit and i dont CARE. anyway i really thought i fucked up but i went and talked it out with my director and it was all sorted out. i’ve gotten like 50% of her feedback on my thesis draft, which i’ve incorporated, and im waiting on comments from another reader (the other helpful person on my committee). we have to run some dumbass software before scheduling, so i ran it today and tried to schedule it but couldnt bc theres a hold on my account. i went on a fucking....ALMIGHTY QUEST to figure it out and i finally discovered that guess what!!!!!!! its my GODDAMN LIBRARY OVERDUE FEES!!!!!! THAT I THOUGHT WERE PAID!!!!!!! i had to pay them myself which is fine idc but it takes several days to process. this fucks up my life on SEVERAL levels

for one, its fucking impossible to get a hold of my third committee member. she is a vapor in the wind. shes like super busy and thats all good and well but the point is theres like zero communication there. i finally got confirmation on a defense date from all 3 members and had been literally planning MY ENTIRE LIFE around this date. after todays first scheduling crisis i was so happy i was still on track, but now this? now i have to wait 3-4 days before i can even SCHEDULE the defense. the super delightful part is that we have to schedule a minimum of 2 weeks in advance. so now i cant schedule my defense until tuesday at the absolute earliest, but that ALSO bumps my defense date several days ahead. i have no fucking clue if my committee is going to agree on another day that works for everyone bc theyre all busy as shit and we’d been working toward the original date for weeks if not months, and im so fucking upset because this is exactly what i DIDNT want to have happen. i havent tried to email them yet because im hoping beyond fucking hope i can call somebody at the university tomorrow and see if the hold is something else besides the fee, but it makes me sick to think of having to be like “oh sorry i know i constantly fuck up everything ever and im a piece of shit but can we change this date we’ve had set since january because i was an extra shitty piece of shit this time??” like OHHH MY GODDDDD

and the thing thats really fucking with me is that like, yes its my fault but this one time its not ENTIRELY 100% my fault. i asked for a favor and had the understanding that it was taken care of. yes the fees were my doing and yes i shouldve checked but oh my fucking god. i feel like all the effort ive put into being a better student this semester has been for fucking nothing because im going to have to email my committee asking for a different date and ruin all their fucking lives and theyll be so disappointed in me. i have like legitimately been crying on and off about it since like 4:30 today

it so shitty in and of itself but i especially dont want to do this to my director bc she is legitimately the reason im finishing this program AND that im going to a phd program. a year ago i’d barely spoken 20 words to her but she still agreed to be a reader on my committee just because she heard me explain my thesis for all of 30 seconds and decided to give it a try. she literally had not read a song of ice and fire at the time and she started reading them for me to help me with my thesis. in the fall when my original director basically threatened to leave my committee if i didnt change all my ideas, my current director stepped in and helped me and talked me through it and then offered to take her place even though my research is BARELY distantly related to hers. through all of this she’s been so insanely patient with me, super encouraging of my ideas both in this project and in others, helped me decide whether it was right for me to get my phd immediately after my masters, proofed and edited and helped me with ALL my phd application materials, and STILL is in the process of reading these goddamn books just to be a better director. i have lost my head so many times and shes always been there to help me figure my shit out, and i wanted to have it figured out for once. how stupid of me

like bumping the date isnt the end of the whole world but its really not just about the fact that i have to reschedule. i was trying real goddamn hard to be a better student this semester and i REALLY fucking owed it to my director and other reader, but especially director, and i still managed to fuck up this bad. i feel like such a DISAPPOINTMENT and it just will not leave my brain bc im so mad at myself. i tried watching shows and youtube compilations about game of thrones and shit but now my bf is asleep and im alone and its all i can think about. im so fucking tired of being the person i am honestly and i dont mean that in an edgy way its just like jesus christ i wish there was less shit wrong with me. i wish i had any kind of willpower or discipline so i couldve learned these skills and been a better student from the start. i wish i wasnt a giant piece of shit!!!!! 

and now im going to be up late being anxious about all this which means that i will, once again, wake up late but also still be really exhausted, which means i’ll do a shitty job teaching and get overwhelmed by everything and who the fuck knows what fun bullshittery will ensue because of it. i am so fucking tired of me and my fuckery and the fact that it fucks with other people even why i try so hard for it not to. tired!!!!!!!! fucking tired

[eligrantbooks]

gotta vent about my day real quick

highlights of the day

> be professional ghostwriter.

Agreed to edit a 25000 word segment of a finished manuscript for a much loved regular client, who said the MC’s dialogue needed to be punched up. Easy enough. I figured it would take a few hours.

Was briefly excited to discover the manuscript was for a concept I had outlined and written several chapters for a few months ago.

Excitement rapidly dwindles as I realize that beloved client has hired another ghostwriter to write the majority of the book. Which would be fine, except this other ghostwriter has no fucking idea what they are doing.

Formatting is a god damn disaster and I spend several hours just getting the document into a workable condition.

You ever open a word doc, look at the navigation pane, and just see a wall of blank links, because someone applied the header formatting somewhere and then just hit enter a million times instead of using a page break like a civilized god damn human being?

in the middle of this forest of blank headers, actual chapter titles are scattered at random, and also they only applied the header to roughly one out of every five chapters or so, you know, just, when they felt like it. when the spirit took them. when the stars aligned. when the feng shui was right.

Also, apparently they like the way first line indenting looks but don’t know how to make word do that (spoiler: its easy as shit and takes like two clicks) so every once in a while they start manually hitting tab before every line, until they get distracted and stop for a while, luring you into a false sense of security before they remember and start doing it again.

Sometimes, when a scene transitions but they dont want to just end the chapter for some reason, they break it up with spaces. Other times, they like to use asterisks. Once or twice, just for flavor, they throw in one of those page width lines that word makes when you type a line of hyphens.

There is random highlighting in places, for no discernible reason.

Once I have the document formatted in a way I can bear to work with, I start actually reading through it. About the first seven chapters were written by the client. They’re cheesy but solid.

Then I get to chapter eight, and the suspicions i had begun to form while putting the formatting through traction (namely that whoever did this was a fuckwit) quickly crystallized into a shining certainty that my beloved client had mistakenly hired An Ass Clown.

Not just An Ass Clown, but An Ass Clown who thought 50 Shades was a beautiful love story, actually.

And they gave This Ass Clown, this literary reprobate, this paste eating remedial english mother fucker, my outline.

let me clarify that i did not expect to have sole control of this story when i produced the outline for beloved client, and I was okay with that. That’s how it works. If I’d been dead set on writing this myself, i wouldn’t have sold the outilne to beloved client. but it really rubs salt in the wound to have spent hours of my life crafting the bones of this story, which i really liked and was excited to see take shape

and then find out it has been put into the pie fondling hands

of An Ass Clown.

first hint that something has gone drastically wrong: the arrival of completely unnecessary and ridiculous fantasy names for things.

“oh we dont drink coffee in this book. it’s kofee. at least until three chapters from now when i forget and it becomes kofe. Oh, and watch out for those thornaby bushes! I’m going to misspell that one literally every time I use it! It’s entirely possible that this isn’t a fantasy name at all and I just have a small seizure whenever I try to type the word thorn bush!”

second omen of my impending anuerism: phonetically written accents which are so comically stereotypical and inaccurate that native speakers of that accent should be entitled to financial compensation, except they can’t even stick to the stereotype accurately, producing gems such as  “It’s not safe in that there pen with ‘em swine, young miss.” I don’t even know what accent that’s supposed to represent. To top it off these accent abominations are sprinkled in with all the consistency and reliability of a lactose intolerant cheese enthusiast’s bowel movements.

But this, I tell myself, moving on, is not my problem. I just need to punch up the mcs dialogue. It’ll be fine. I can do this. I just need to take this shit: “A fond idea, but I doubt I have that ability.” I joked. “I can’t imagine living without true sunshine. Even the triplet moons must shine less brightly without their sister sun.” and make it… not like that.

Except, and here’s where I start hitting the real roadblock guys

this book is in first person.

essentially, the entire novel is the MC talking.

So sure I can change the spoken lines, but her internal monologue

which is, i remind you, the entire narrative

her internal monologue is going to keep being maggie gyllenhal’s character from The Secretary if her copy of the script had been swapped with just a binder full of sonnets written by a middle school english class during the Shakespeare unit.

I get to chapter ten around three in the afternoon. I have been working steadily, with an unusual degree of focus thanks to my recent adderal prescription, since ten in the morning.

this is where shit begins to go truly bananas.

this is a YA beauty and the beast type fantasy

that good fun indulgent shit that’s almost as enjoyable to write as it is to read

usually. previously. before i had to endure this traumatic twelve hour experience.

Chapter ten is the first big “dinner” scene. this book isn’t being shy about pulling from the source material, but that’s fine. the beast “apologizes” (heavy quotes there) for having earlier used magic to force the heroine to answer his questions truthfully. They talk and almost seem to making progress for a bit, and then have a fight and storm off. Standard stuff.

Except, uh, the beast’s apology is, essentially “Yeah I shouldn’t have done that.” “so you’re apologizing?” “no but it’s the best you’re going to get so deal with it.”

and the headstrong, independent heroine who wears pants and wrestles pigs and dont need no man

just kinda rolls with this. There’s giggling.

They have their big dramatic fight, exit stage left, much angst and todo.

The next morning heroine wakes up to find the beast has (presumably) snuck into her room while she was sleeping and dumped a bunch of new dresses on her. he has also (apparently) replaced her brain with Bella Swan’s more vapid cousin.

She forgives him instantly. Because pretty dresses. She also starts calling him master, because why not. She has, over night, become the darling submissive Tumblr doms dream of.

This is not a bdsm book. I am eighty percent certain it doesn’t even include soft core smut. I’m telling you this so that you understand this transformation was not a contrivance in order to facilitate kinky sex. I have written a contrived set up to a sex scene or two in my day. This is not that. This is Not what is in the outline. I know, because i wrote the outline. It is My Outline.

No, The Ass Clown just… decided to do this. Apropos of nothing. I’m beginning to think the Ass Clown’s decision making process involves whipping pies at a comically large dartboard. And all the options on the dartboard are just “lol whatever”

By the time I get to chapter eleven, wherein our newly lobotomized heroine is “excited to wear a new frock and please the master!” - direct quote I have given up any pretense of editing dialogue and I am just straight up rewriting shit using the previous garbage as a loose outline.

I have eaten, maybe, three bites of a bowl of oatmeal all day. I have not taken a bathroom break since before noon. I have missed my deadline. Beloved client is concerned. I’m sure I can still do this, I just need a few more hours.

the words sound like truth but my soul knows i am a liar

I frantically restructure scene after scene, deceiving myself each time that it will be the last, and I will be able to get this crazy train back on the rails. But this crazy train has no interest in being on the rails. It’s a direct line no stops right off the edge of the cliffs of insanity.

The beast jumps unpredictably from homicidal rage and threats of violence to jokes and flirting as though he did not just declare her his property and threaten to rip her tongue out a few paragraphs ago. Heroine swoons and sighs and giggles regardless of whether she is dealing with Dr.Jekyll or Christian Gray on PCP.

But I’m still sure I can do this. I’ll just adjust these two full chapters to make her appropriately scared and angry, and then replace this weird conversation here with a heartfelt apology from him and an effort to do better. That will totally work. Unless, you know, it turns out that conversation I want to replace only starts out with them joking and laughing together, and turns into him berating and abusing her mid paragraph of a fuckin montage a page later! But, haha! Why would The Ass Clown ever do that? It would be completely irrational, tonally jarring and out of character! Only a seltzer slinging rainbow suspender-ed peanut butter fumbling son of six fucks would do that.

so of course The Ass Clown did that.

It’s eleven at night. I know when I’m beaten.

I inform beloved client that the Ass Clown has bested me and I can do no more.

She is very understanding.

I send her what I managed and I check the added word count while im at it

i added a full 6,000 words to that manuscript just trying to patch up this sloppy motherfucker’s lopsided prose and gossamer thin understanding of narrative structure

son of a bitch had about as firm a grasp of romance as i currently have on the trembling shreds of my sanity.

their grip on character writing could not be more tenuous if they had first dipped the target brand Hulk Hands which I assume they always have on their person into a barrel of adult-film-grade silicon lubricant and then taken their Leapfrog 2-in-1 Leaptop Touch down a waterslide.

Do you know how much I usually make for 6000 words?

$180.

Do you know how much I made for enduring this ass blasting, which I naively believed I could tackle in a matter of hours?

$100.

You owe me $80 Ass Clown. And I aim to collect.

Also I lost my damn mind for a minute and said the words "i dont know shit about fuck my guy” to my actual father on facebook

so there’s that.

[kyunsies]

MADCH MADCH <3

hello fam - I've had a weird day, I'm super happy I can take the time out to reply to you. always thinking of you though, I hope you're always having a great day. today's been a bit of a non day - a family member has to deal with operations and that's on top of me too so i've just felt a bit winded in life?

YES to you finally conquering that damn cold! do you feel properly replenished now? omg i hate sore throats too - okay i hope this doesn't give you nightmares but when i was a kid i saw a documentary about this terrible disease that manifests at its worst a bit like alzhemiers but it can hit anyone of any age and for the majority of people who get it... one of the first symptoms is a sore throat and i have literally lived in terror of sore throats ever since. but luckily it's a very rare disease. so basically, yes, i understand you.

OMG you know when you're like eight and you don't want to sleep and you're like no i will adult and stay up and it will be glorious - i'm like, CHILD YOU FOOL you could have gone to sleep XD and ugh no responsibilities?! i remember working most of the time when i was a kid and i kind of wish i had wreaked havoc? what was your childhood like? did you get to do lots of fun stuff? i know my mum wishes she had been able to spend more time with me when i was a kid and i'd like to have a family and i'd love her to be able to relax and just spend time with her grandkids? OMG well when you come to europe let me know and then i can show you around and give you a hug in person!

so we're mainly cofe here though cahtolic culture is still big and honestly i'm with you. like religion can be a great influence on you if it's not used in nefarious ways and can help you learn so much - like even if there are things you don't end up agreeing with at least you learn about then so you can make a choice for yourself as opposed to not really knowing anything? agree - people that are really boastful totally put me off, i just can't deal with it at all. but you're right, like it makes us so so hard to forgive ourselves for anything right? like, even if we've done nothing wrong and we shouldn't have to punish ourselves? like i swear i'm apologising for everything haha XD once someone pushed me off the tube and i ended up apologising like ON REFLEX? hasjdkahds XD but i really hope you have people around you that keep bigging you up too! if not i will keep bigging you up :D :D so you know that you are worth it.

i'm sorry you're not looking forward to your final year of uni! think you're almost there though - like this is the final stretch and you'll have like conquered everest you know?! and even if your landing at the end of it isn't as perfect the fact you landed at all means so much and that means you can stand up again and keep going! day at a time and moment at a time you know? i kind of had this moment today (hence my wierd day) when i was worry about everything and i literally sat there like - have i made the right choice and done the right thing and surely i've made the wrong choices in my life and do i actually have any talent cause if not people would actually like my stuff and i had to just be like... a moment at a time sometimes you know? like, just bit by bit and don't sweat the stuff you don't have to? idk i find it hard to do but i hope that helps you - like you'll surmount every little thing bit by bit and before you know it you'll have made it! you were born ready you were <3 <3

TINY SQUAD IS GO! the pant dilemma is truly a massive issue, like IDK how to deal OMG OK SO LAMPSHADING is like when you do big baggy like tops and then like leggings or tights or something skinny on the bottom so... you look like a lampshade? like i guess it makes you look cute and then also it's such an easy way to dress without worrying if you look like a kid that's wearing your mum's clothes?? ahsdjakdhsa XD

AHHHH YES BASIL ME TOO!! what scent did you end up buying? i'm sure it was lush - are your parents near you or is it like a massive special occassion to get to see them? YES agree with your take on musk though! like it feels like idk, something a 50 year old with a cigar in a stuffy country club would wear? like, there's no energy to it but not in a chill mellow way either??! like even if i was going to a dinner thing I would still rather not wear something musky? like i'd still rather it be something a bit sweeter? also like some musk perfumes can be SO STRONG? like i'm like - my nose is choking on this perfume XD

YES BLUE MOON SQUAD AAAAA it is literally one of their finest ever, it's always stayed on my top faves list by them. like ugh yes to the lofi stuff sometimes i just wanna VIBE and be in my feels but not so much i'm too angsty but enough that I'm FEELING feels ya know? what did you think of kiss or death? it really wasn't that kind of vibe but yh i hope they do more lofi jazzy stuff - also cause like not a lot of korean groups play with that sound a lot?

hello mädch's mom as always! nerer apologise for being late, always just happy to hear from you and i hope you are super super well and looking after yourself first and foremost! more than anything <3 (also i take ages to reply too ya know and omg this is so so long ahsdjakhdaskjdh)

love you lots and lots and lots xxxxxxxxxxxx

ANGEL ANGEL !!!!!!!! <3 i know i'm really late to this LKDFJS i've had such a busy week getting some overtime in and then visiting my grandparents' house so i didn't really have a lot of energy to reply to all of this BUT IM HERE AND i can finally give u a good response <3

firstly is your family member okay??? i hope so ;____; how was the rest of your week, and how was your weekend angel? i hope u were able to enjoy your weekend and that everything is okay in the family <3

but YEAH my mom and i are over the stupid cold ;_____; i hate colds,,,, they last way too long lol like i say i know the flu is a little more serious than a cold but i would rather have it for a day or 2 than being stuck feeling lousy for a whole week :( ALSO SLDKFSJDFKLJ OH GOD SEE we are both hypochondriacs ( that's not the best trait to have as a nursing major lol ) but tbh i'm really curious about this rare disease ????? :o sounds really scary tho goodness gracious i wonder what it could be ;____;

also god i was always awful at staying up late as a kid LOL but i know what u mean !!!!!! honestly there was only one time i can recall i had a sleepover with my friend in like the 3rd grade and we tried pulling an all nighter so i think we made it to like 5am but i had to go to bed omg i felt like such garbage LKDSFJ </3 it's just funny bc like as u get older u realize that staying up late is really nothing special and if anything u feel like a train hit you the next morning and adults are so sleep deprived as it is we just *try* to prioritize sleep SLDKFJSDKLJF :') you worked a lot as a child bub?? what kind of things did you do? i didn't start working until i was 15 bc most places here don't allow u to work until this age (unless you're in a family business i guess lol) but all the jobs i had in high school i hated so much ;_____; but my childhood? i would say it was relatively normal LOL like we say all the time i've had a single mom so life was really stressful for her but i always felt loved <3 i always had my mom <3 and we took trips to the beach with my family every year, it was our little tradition !! i went to san diego to visit disney, you know little trips here and there !! and then when i got into my sport and i started getting older my mom and i spent a lot of time and money investing into my sport so most of my weekends consisted of a lot of tournaments and driving far away for me to compete :') i do remember when i was really young like in kindergarten my mom's work was really far away from my school and we had a recital ; i was the "host" where i would introduce all of the songs and stuff and my mom didn't get off of work until like 6 and by the time she made to my recital, it was over :( she told me she cried a lot that night :( i don't remember her doing this (i don't even remember the recital all that much lol) but now that i'm older and i understand more about adulting, i'm sure she was so devastated thinking about it now :( anyways about visiting europe LOL I WILL DEF GIVE U A CALL AND LET U KNOW SO U CAN SHOW ME ALL OF THE COOL PLACES <333333

and about the religion ....... yes ;____; i think it's a great thing if a family decide that they want to do this when they're families; i hope to continue to practice it (even tho we aren't regularly going to church at all hhhh gotta work on that) but there is something about catholic guilt specifically that just makes it soooo hard to like, be easy on yourself? but ,,,,,, i guess it keeps me grounded :( in a self depreciating way ??? LDSKFJ I KNOW U UNDERSTAND ... it's weird for me to put into words ;____; and YEAH :( i think i'm getting a little better at this but i used to apologize all the time for things i never needed to be sorry for hhhh (still do) :')

and yes babe honestly i'm really terrified to start uni :( i think i have this weird anxiety issue i've had it ever since last year but i don't know why i'm so scared and anxious about things that haven't even happened yet ;____; are u like this too? is it normal? i wish i knew :( i guess i won't really feel better until i have made it to graduation, but i just want to do well this year. whatever i do, whether it's exams, or clinical rotation or my preceptorship, i just want to do well ;____; i don't want to do poorly, i want to make my mom proud and i want to work at a place i'll be excited to work at, and most of all i just want everything to work out ,,,, i wish someone could just sit me down and say listen i know what you're going thru is hard but you CAN get thru this and EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OKAY NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS bc no one in my family is in the health sciences (besides my cousin who is studying to be a doctor but she doesn't give a shit about what i do lol) so ;_____; yeah ,,,,,,,,,,, lots of anxiety and apprehension of the unknown :(

LSDKFJSD FOKAY NOW I KNOW WHAT LAMPSHADING IS LMAOOOOOOOOOOO yes i wear those clothes on lazy days LOL the thing is i'm really picky about the length of my oversized crewneck sweaters hhhh the can't be too long bc if it goes below my butt i look like i'm wearing rags LOL so i have to be careful :') but most days i do like, reverse lamp shading lDLKFJSDLKFJ i like wearing flowy pants with a more tight top or like baggy jeans with a tighter shirt or a blouse i can tuck into my jeans LOL but omg its so funny i didn't know what that was :') thank u for the explanation my love <3

OKAY BUT HALF THE REASON I DIDN'T RESPOND IS THAT i was saving this weekend to go to the jo malone store in my mall and !!! I GOT A NEW SCENT AND I'M IN LOVE WITH IT SO MUCH BABE ;____; you have to go smell it if you go there soon and tell me what u think !!!!!! it's called wild bluebell (here is the scent description lol) but the guy behind the counter helping me was soooo amazing and helpful like they really do treat u the best at the store and AH i’m so happy with my purchase <3 my wallet isn’t so much LDSKFJ but nonetheless i know i’ll have it for a long time :)

KISS OR DEATH !!!!! i actually really enjoyed it lol i have seen some ppl not really like the rapping so much but i loved it ;____; i’m super biased obviously LOL but gosh i thought they were all great and minhyuk + hyungwon killed the song for me <333 wouldn’t expect anything less from our monstas !!!!! and my mom is sending her love lol i tell her the work u do and she’s always wondering how ur doing :(((( same for my moots she always asks me about 2 in particular LOL she’s always asking me <3 i love u so much bubbie !!!! iM SO SORRY FOR BEING LATE MY LOVE again i always just want to give u a quality response <3 i love u the absolute most and i hope u had a great weekend !!!!!!! this is my last week at work before i have a week long break before i head for uni so :’) can’t believe i’ve done all this LOL :’) i will be happy to hear from u whenever u come back hun !!!!! TAKE CARE LOVE U <3