#i wish it would activate by making me insane about a topic in a fun way

[gideonisms]

I love that there are no bugs in my new unit bless ♥️

[charmixpower]

what are your hc's when it comes to the specialists hobbies? (+Nabu)

i'm kinda sad we don't really know a lot about them.

YEAH!!! Or if we know their hobbies, WE NEVER GET TO SEE THEM ENJOY THEM??? Unless ur Helia. Pretty people privilege

Sky

Listen, I need you to look at Erendor and Samara and tell me if Sky has a life or any real time for hobbies. The answer is no he does not

Listen dragon equestrian is a thing that exists in the magic dimension and he loves it do not argue with me this man loves it. Riding a dragon and doing tricks, what more could you want out of a sport???

He also spends so much time teaching Lady tricks you'd think he was entering her into a competition. He's not, he is simply having fun

Sky really likes running, and walking. With or without Lady, he is content to run around with this thoughts. It's his favorite form of exercise

I think Sky would enjoy at least some of the royalty approved activities pushed on him, like riding horses and dragons obviously, but also dancing. (Though he would hate learning how to play an instrument or something that required sitting without movement)

I think he'd like the fake duel's and mock battles like fencing over real combat but that's just my version of Sky that lives in my head talking

I don't think Sky is really snobby about anything that isn't tea. Does he argue with other people about which tea tastes the best? Maybe. It's like part because he and Diaspro have opposite tastes in tea and they will argue about anything, part because tea was the only meal he wasn't being hovered over because it's supposed to be a bit more informal than a real meal, half because magix doesn't have all that good tea options

Brandon

He suffers from has no life syndrome too but worse actually bc he's had a government job at 17!!!

Does crafting and maintaining an Instagram presence count as a hobby? I mean I do this as a hobby so I'm gonna say it counts. Making thinking your hot into a hobby, I wish I were him

I have no clue if Brandon genuinely enjoys weightlifting or gymnastics or if he does it because it's literally required of him but I DO think he'd enjoy exercise in general. Like?? He's getting hotter, better able to handle situations, AND it makes him feel great. 10/10 he loves it

I think Brandon would enjoy calligraphy. I have like multiple friends who are on their handwriting bullshit and Brandon would absolutely be one of these people. He'd write exclusively in fancy capital letters while pretending to be Sky, but he also like genuinely knows calligraphy and enjoys it. No one knows cept Sky until Stella wants to write something formally and he writes it for her

Brandon is way too chill of a person, and while I think he's like naturally good at controlling his emotions I also think he does SOMETHING for mindfulness. Reads self help books, does meditation, something that helps him stay so fucking chill all the time

On that topic I also think Brandon likes psychology, like the "why do people act the way they do?" side. Just a little bit, he gets along with way too many insane people to not have at least a little idea

Timmy

He's the least interesting specialist to me in canon so he's where I'm on my bullshit. Listen man we don't need TWO computer wizs, we can have one computer genius and an engineering nerd. For the sake of everyone around Tecna not being the exact same as her AND for my enrichment

Timmy is obsessed with their air crafts. He can talk for HOURS about types of planes, the Owl assigned to their squad is literally his fucking baby and Riven is NOT allowed to pilot it EVER. He lost his mind just a little bit when he's got to pilot a Hawk with Helia, he was so excited. This is definitely his main hobby and why he's in the RF air force track instead of the engineering track, he WILL fly and nothing will stop him

If Legos exist in the magical dimension he's obsessed with them and makes the most insane builds and you know I'm right

Riven absolutely gets Timmy into lock picking. Lock picking is just a logic puzzle that also has a real life application and they spend so much time trying to pick difficult locks when they need a no think thing to do

And speed running, all the specialists have a tendency to just watch him play a video game stupid fast and it's group bonding

Shooting is a sport and one that Timmy enjoys immensely

Riven

Reading. No I'm so serious he's the character shown holding a book the most often. This man reads. Tbh he's probably reading about types of magical animals that specialists are called in to deal with, and their behaviors. That and like lists of forgeable plants

Riven also sews and makes his own clothes! Like it's a restoration thing but also Riven just likes fashion and has very specific ideas for clothes so he just makes them himself.

Riven is the most passionate about sword play and combat. Like it's genuinely fun for him, I think if everyone was set loose they'd drift away from being in the military except Riven. This is his passion. Survivalist stuff is also a huge passion of his. It's his concentration at RF I will never shut up about that hc. His dream job is dealing with magical animal threats in the wilderness, everyone thinks he's just a little insane

That and podcasts. Oh my god the podcasts Riven would have listened to in middle school, cringe worthy, they're EXACTLY what your thinking and it's terrible. Thankfully he listens to calming podcasts and like educational podcasts now, and the occasional true crime one

I'm not sure if lock picking is a hobby for him or if it's just something he HAD to learn, but he takes a lot of pride in it so I'm assuming it's a hobby. Riven likes logic puzzles and that's what lock picking is

Does Riven have an interest in photography or did he print off pictures from Musa's Instagram, the world may never know

Helia

We know the most about his hobbies. Painting, origami, and poetry. Helia is well and truly vibing, and by that I mean I bet you he spends hours agonizing about every detail <3

He probably also has a bullet journal, it's the vibes, do you understand where I'm coming from?

I think Helia would be super into general DIY in every area and at one point he gets Timmy into helping refurbish a chair he found, sometimes he just wants to work on something and that something is a chair he picked up off the curb

Helia definitely picked up how to use his string gloves for fun and to have a body active hobby and he loves it? I think Helia would really enjoy doing things that challenge him and he has the most esoteric weapon so it fits

I also think Helia's glove string weapon is as much of a weapon as it can be used for string art? I think he'd like string art

Helia can parkour and that's on wanting to get the PERFECT angle for his reference piece and know he's 40 ft in the air, Saladin slowly lost his mind when he adopted Helia after his parents died because the kid would not stop climbing on RF

Helia is also a chronic people watcher. At least 70% time when he's people watching he's also drawing them but sometimes he's too tired for that XD

Nabu

Learning about his hyper fixation magic. Listen this man will DEMOLISH a library in a week to learn about the intricacies of runic magic, he is vibrating in his shoes

Okay I know Timmy is the one who you'd assume would like this the most, but I think if you put a ttrpg in front of Nabu he'd fucking love it??? He would either spend 2 million hours world building as the DM or get way into role playing

I think Nabu spends a lot more time fucking around and having fun with his magic than most magic users. Like learning how to make small intricate beautiful things with his magic. I definitely think there would be an art form based around magic that Nabu would be super into that

Nabu absolutely is a history buff too. Like knows about ancient techniques for making things off the top of his head can list most major developments in each century when prompted history buff and I love him

He probably also has a rock collection, this man is autistic and we have rock collections. Sometimes the rocks are magically and that's always exciting

Nabu and Flora spending hours researching a random ass specific phenomenon and having the time of their lives

[calico-heart]

8, 26 and 30 from the Ship Creative Process Asks, please! (Though feel encouraged and welcome to skip over any questions you're not feeling.)

Thank you for the ask! :3

8. To what degree do you use your OC as a means to explore your own romantic proclivities (or shortcomings)? Is your OC a self-insert and the relationship a form of wish-fulfilment and/or an means to explore certain fantasies? Or do you enjoy exploring something completely different to your own experiences and preferences?

I wouldn't consider my OCs self inserts, though they certainly end up getting small bits and pieces of me sprinkled in. There's absolutely loads of wish fulfillment in them! I'm physically disabled, and unfortunately that translates to what I can personally accomplish in a variety of physical activities xD They're definitely also a safe space to explore fantasies in that I wouldn't enjoy irl, but I'd say I like exploring things outside my purview with them, too. I've discovered a lot of new kinks and fantasies just by testing them out with my ocs, things I never would have thought to try if not for the influence of things like Kinktober prompts!

26. Have you given much consideration to specific "kinks" or sexual likes and dislikes for your character? If so then is this something you feel comfortable talking about or describing?

Absolutely. All the time. Nate even has a full on File with notes about what he likes or dislikes and why LOL Going into detail could be a multi-page essay in and of itself which is probably beyond the scope of this ask. But I'll say the man does love his badonkadonks, eats pussy like a champ, and accidentally getting his girlfriend pregnant has happened in enough AUs now that it's become a theme. He's very sensitive to touch, so things like spanking and rough sex won't really do it for him, but the flip side of that is you can get the guy off without even reaching below the belt if you're good with your hands LOL He also loves edging/orgasm denial and you could keep him going all night thanks to that insane Endurance stat of his. He gets a lot out of seeing his partner satisfied, and doesn't even have to climax himself to feel good about sex if his partner is fulfilled at the end. Lyra on the other hand really likes getting spoiled. Penetration alone isn't generally enough to get her off, and if you can't give her something better than what she can do with her own fingers she's generally not going to be interested.

30. What advice do you have for someone considering creating a ship for their character? Or for someone unsure about writing relationships and/or sexual scenarios?

I had a really great poetic response for this in my head last night and went to sleep going "yeah I'll remember that tomorrow" :) But I'd probably say something along the lines of - write what you're curious about, and don't be afraid of doing it "wrong." If you're really nervous, don't share it! Just write little blurbs for yourself to explore ideas without shame or "I should"s. Everyone has unique tastes. If you're not making a career out of it, then I think romance and smut writing should be about what is interesting to you, personally. I would say be open to new ideas. Not every trope or kink will be gratifying to you. Certainly sometimes you just know it's not going to be your thing. But if you remove fear of being "wrong" from the equation, push back against disgust at the unfamiliar, and give yourself permission to test out ideas you've never considered before or even explore them again from a new angle, you can learn some surprising things! And gain access to a lot of fun new stuff to write about. If you don't end up liking something, that's ok too! You still learned something about yourself. If you want smut, but are nervous or embarrassed about it, find people who are both respectful of boundaries and chill with sex as a topic - and just hang out with them. (Or follow their blogs!) Over time you'll probably get more comfortable through exposure and learn a lot just by being around to those different perspectives and ideas! Above all, be patient with yourself and practice saying kind things about your work <3 Romance and smut don't have to be a big deal, but they can also be really vulnerable and intense subjects, and you deserve gentleness and self-care as you make creative forays into them!

Relationship Ask Game

[yellowocaballero]

Are there any fic ideas that you'd want to see but don't want to write?

Oh boy! Of course!

To be honest, the Green Lantern story is one of the big ones lmfao. It would be a massive undertaking for an audience of maybe five people. A niche audience normally doesn't stop me, but for such a long story, there's other uses of my time. There is also the fact that it just feels made for television. Same with my Legion of Superheroes Zoobomafoo thing - it just doesn't feel right in a text format. It's webcomic coded. I wish I could draw sometimes!

Then there's the story ideas for my AUs and other fandoms I've moved on from. There's still a few ideas for the No Chip AU in my back pocket (Cody redemption feat. Boba Fett following him around Tatooine yelling at him; Fox as the vigilante sidekick to his insane PA) and my normal Roleswap (Luke & Leia embark on a Great Father Mystery Hunt and bother Fox in the woods). There's also the continuation stories/sequels I've started but haven't finished and don't know if they will get finished (Roleswap Obi-Wan meets his birth family; my Buffy fic Angel and Cordelia through the years). There's other unfinished stories there (the Frenchie story which is literally only missing the final scene, the Heroes For Hire meeting story which is literally only missing the final scene) which I'm pretty sure I'll finish when I feel like it. I don't consider those WIPs so much as 'when I care again I'll go finish them'.

Then there's the stories that I just couldn't make into a decent story (the Naruto fix-it; the roleswap(ish?) story with adult bounty hunters Boba and Omega teaching runaway clones Luke and Leia the power of family and incredible violence). Not every idea is good outside of concept lol.

TL;DR: If I have a fic idea but haven't written it, it's because of one or more reasons: a) the idea itself is too big, b) the idea just doesn't seem right for fic, c) I've moved on from the fandom and don't want to work on it at this moment anymore, d) it just wouldn't make a good story.

If you notice, these are all active choices on my part. I only mention this because a lot of my friends can't relate, so I don't know how common it is even though I assumed it was common, and it's kind of hard to describe: there's no barrier between me having an idea and writing it. Does that make sense? If I have an idea and it'll make a good story and I want to write it I'll write it, at least until I realize that it wouldn't make a good story and I scrap it. If I think about something for too long I write it [this is why I am easily egged on][this is also why I write things I swore never to write very frequently].

Writing is like. It's easy. You just write stuff. You just think something and then you write it. It's uncomplicated.

If it's bad. Writing is easy if what you're writing is bad. It's easy to write 100k if the 100k is bad. There's a ton of shortcuts you can take, which are really useful for beginning writers and was really useful for me a few years ago. I can describe those if you'd like. It's much, much, much harder to write something good. It's hardest when you need something to be good. Writing a good 100k is really hard. I am constantly telling people not to jump into the novels kjlsdf.

Double TL;DR that has nothing to do with the topic: You can write whatever you want if you're okay with it being bad. Making bad art rocks and is a lot of fun and completely necessary towards my emotional well-being. I highly recommend it.

[adamsvanrhijn]

What do you think the show’s long-term plan is for Oscar and/or John? Or where would you like the plot to go for them?

thank you 🥰

honestly i try not to speculate about long term plans at this point but i do have lots of Hopes And Dreams...

i think the thing is like. i want blorbo to be happy. but blorbo being happy does not necessarily make for a very interesting or exciting story... and also is not necessarily feasible in the current setting at all. so my extremely long term end goal is that blorbo is happy, but my in between goal is that blorbo has screentime while wearing fun outfits.

which has me somewhat at odds with where the story might be going, so i am trying not to think about that!

what i would really like to see in s3 though is movement in a direction that allows the audience not only to find value in oscar and john having a relationship, but to actively root for it, and that's something i think Could realistically happen.

their previous relationship conflict has been against one another — friction around their opposing goals and desires for themselves as individuals and for their relationship. this is unfortunately not very sympathetic to a lot of viewers, especially when we effectively opened in media res on that conflict — we don't actually know what was working for them before because the first scene we have that is Their Scene is oscar avoiding the wife topic on purpose, and the second scene that is Their Scene is. oscar bringing up the wife topic (albeit only when prompted, which does make one wonder how much longer that would have gone if john had never asked?).

so they have not had a common goal yet though is my point. and i would love for them to have a common goal that the audience can root for. i would also really appreciate a will they or won't they scenario either alongside or in advance of that... it would be sooo funny to me if they are like. obviously gravitating toward a relationship due to mutual love and attraction but have considered reasons about why they cannot be in a relationship... and then ending up in a relationship again but on a much stronger foundation of communication and respect

i mean i would go insane while watching and fear that every next episode would be the one where they break up forever. but.

i think this would necessarily involve demonstrating what is in this for john.... a lot of people do not See that and it would be nice to get a little screentime there but if wishes were horses etc.

and at the same time — i want them to be successful as a couple and i want them to be Endgame but i don't want oscar to truly genuinely Only have john on his side, in the end. i think that is an intermediate point i would Love to see more of, but i don't want that to be endgame. in an ideal world they get to be together and still have meaningful ties other than just to one another.

but the 1880s is not their ideal world at all. so i don't know!

[formulatrash]

While we are loosely on the topic of IndyCar, I've been getting into other racing series and am planning to actively follow some more this year and the culture shock as a fan is real. I can actually ask questions about IndyCar and FE without getting some smart ass "DTS fan" response, coincidentally with them still being unable to answer my question themselves though. Generally people just stay in their lanes and focus on the teams/drivers they support instead of wasting so much time and energy on the teams/drivers they passionately hate. Death threats and harassment aren't normalized. Maybe the haters aren't the only ones who want to see my favs get "demoted" to IndyCar or FE because they're genuinely so much more chill to follow as a fan. With F1, you can do all the blocking and unfollowing not just on Tumblr, but on websites with a lot of grown 50+ year olds and still come across some of the most file shit you've ever encountered. I've met some great friends through F1 and as a STEM student, love the engineering aspect, but the 24/7, 365 fighting and drama amongst fans doesn't make it fun to follow, it gets old and annoying pretty quick.

in all honesty, it's that lack of exposure thing. people are excited to see other people getting into the smaller series we like cus there aren't very many of us, innit. gotta have people to blorbopost with. love to get the moots in on my nonsense.

(this was, in short version, how I ended up writing about Formula E for years)

the sheer scale of F1 fandom has always been one of its issues, like football fandom. there's no sort of curated community areas where everyone's decent to each other cus there's so many people involved. and there's lots of ways in which the media is responsible for that

I'm glad you mentioned the 50+ year olds cus honestly, it's always been this way. and particularly if you're from any of the demographics not assumed to be somehow naturally an authority on F1. I say 'any of the demographics' - you know exactly the one that gets the pass and then the rest of us can waste our lives proving we know anything and drive ourselves insane or just accept you have to love it in spite of it all.

ultimately, it's on F1 to actually call off the dogs in the sense you can absolutely start effective comms campaigns that address harassment and exclusion. you can breed healthy dialogue, you can put a less combative and rage-fuelled version of the sport out there. but what's happening right now is doing numbers for a series that - and remember this was as recently as 2018 - was absolutely on its knees.

shrinking, ageing viewership was impacting sponsorship while costs escalated, manufacturers all threatening to pull out, brands questioning the point of being involved, media coverage that was shrivelling up and dying, no social and digital presence to speak of, very little visibility outside specialist channels.

F1 has, by a combination of luck and a sort of 'try pressing every button at once and see if something works' managed to reverse those fortunes and now the influencers it didn't understand 5 years ago are clamouring to get in the paddock. that's a good thing! F1 desperately needs attention or else, like a Tumblr user, it will literally die because sponsors are only interested in paying for exposure and F1 needs such vast amounts of money.

so: I'd love F1 to have more fans. my friends who've suddenly got into or back into it the last few years rock. but with great capacity for sponsorship deals comes a huge hot mess of governance, calendar bloat and subterranean discourse.

although Extremely Online F1 Fandom is only a small slice of it all, regardless, which I kinda try to remember.

main thing is: enjoy things how you want to! engage with and boost content you like! block everyone annoying, life is too short.

(I genuinely wish more people would just block me when they find me annoying on Twitter or whatever rather than turn it into a strange obsession. think I'm an idiot? cool, block me. massively more peaceful for us all)

[dimiclaudeblaigan]

How or when did you realize that you love Dimiclaude as a ship? Was it already while playing the game/their routes or some time later? I already picked up on their chemistry in the game, especially their banter during WC (incl. El here, wish there was more House leader content) but tbh it really got me trough good fanwork. Probably bc I'm not that much of a shipper, in 3H there are few pairings I really care about, Dimiclaude and Sylvix on the top there. So, slowly I thought more about their[1]

[2] canon interactions and how good they would be for each other. All the things you and others already mentioned in "why do you ship them" answers, but also they do complement each other so well. Even in Hopes you can see Dimitri really needs someone to help him relax and take things a little more easy - Claude could help here. And Claude really needs someone who he can trust unconditionally to work on his issues there, and who better than someone as honest and good-hearted as Dimitri? ♡

[3] adding to my prior post: I also noticed that there are a fair number of fics that include both Dimiclaude and Sylvix, which is nice for me since I ship both. Most of them are modern au and often one of them is more in the background, but I do think it works really well in the post-AM universe, too. Imagine the King of Faerghus/Fodlan and the King of Almyra, and the Duke and the Margrave (who are more or less the most powerful nobles in the kingdom after the King himself) ... if I ever heard

[4] of two power couples it would be them. Though ofc that means a lot of responsibility and some long distance longing as well, ah poor Dimitri and Claude. Imagine, when Sylvain got send off to deal with Sreng/work to negotiate with them, at least Dimitri and Felix can exhaust themselves in practice, like the training maniacs they are (win-win!) while they "secretly" pine for their loved ones (secretly = obviously Dimi a little down, Felix more grumpy). Ok I'm getting a bit off-topic, sorry lol

Tbh I don’t really remember exactly what made me love them or when I realized it. I know it started in 2019 so it wasn’t too far into the game’s existence, but I don’t recall if it was fanart, Tumblr posts, their chemistry or a combination of those things. I do know it was BL/AM where I first really gave it thought. Originally my main ship was Dimitri and Byleth, but somewhere along the way it just kinda shifted to DimiClaude.

Generally I very casually ship things, like I can say I ship Hilda and Marianne or Ashe and Dedue, but I don’t really actively seek out content for it nor write it myself. It’s rare for them to be really dedicated to a ship and I have a few other OTPs from other fandoms that I love a whole lot, but I have comparatively way more casual ships, so DimiClaude being so interesting to me was surprising.

Aside from their canon interactions, for me it’s also the amount of possibility they have together and how many fic ideas, AUs or canon, could fit with them perfectly. They fit into a whole lot of ideas and concepts that always help explore different aspects of both of them. Having that is fun because it also helps me really see the kind of relationship they could have. They have an insane amount of potential and I love that.

Personally I do think Dimitri’s openness and honesty is perfect for Claude. I think if anyone else just said overly nice sounding things to him he wouldn’t immediately believe it, but considering how earnest and easily excited Dimitri can be, it’s hard to believe Claude would look at him and be like nah he’s lying. After Claude had such a terrible childhood, I think Dimitri would be perfect for making him feel better about himself and really giving him even more motivation to achieve his dreams. Being with Dimitri would also definitely help with his dreams since they want the same thing.

When I write them in fics I like to explore a sillier side of Dimitri that he starts to ease into because of Claude. It’s obvious throughout the game that he really does try to be relaxed and not so formal, but it’s just difficult for him. Claude is basically like... the kind of person who can be joking around one second and then get to work and do what he needs to do the next second. I feel like it’d be easy for him to slip into a relaxed, casual attitude to make sure Dimitri doesn’t tend to feel too uptight or serious around him. I like to think that eventually, being with Claude would help him open up to being a bit more silly and joking more. The way they banter in the game makes me think they could easily bounce off each other in a silly situation and have a really lighthearted moment.

Typically I am one of those DimiClaude/Sylvix people lol. For me it’s mainly because Sylvain and Felix are so close to Dimitri that they’re going to be the people who see Dimitri pretty regularly even post war. Also, I think Sylvain would notice Dimitri’s feelings pretty fast, and Sylvain is pretty loving and protective over his childhood friends. I think he’d want to stay close at first just to make sure Dimitri is alright, kind of also with the whole “if you hurt his feelings I will slay you” kind of thing with Claude. Protective older brother kind of deal.

Another character I love incorporating into DimiClaude is Dedue, because I think he’d be both so happy to see Dimitri happy and so happy and grateful that it’s someone with the exact same ideals as Dimitri that Dimitri is with. Both of them want the same things and have been planning for a long time to work on the same things. I think he would get along well with Claude and be really grateful to him for helping Dimitri.

I have headcanon about DimiClaude to keep them from having a long distance relationship because I’m a nut and I can’t handle them being apart lol. I like to write them as always being together like a normal couple, but they go back and forth between Fodlan and Almyra. Basically they’ll stay in Fodlan for half a month or a month or something at a time, then they’ll go to Almyra together. I headcanon that while they’re away from Fodlan, Sylvain, Lorenz and Ferdinand are the Help Desk instead of Dimitri. Generally I headcanon post AM that Lorenz takes care of the former Leicester territories and Ferdinand takes care of the Adrestian territories, so Sylvain would take care of Faerghus while Dimitri is away. And, of course, people know better than to try to start something while the kings are away, because Felix is grumpy and impatient and will just slice. When the boys are away from Almyra, he’d probably leave his dad and mom in charge like before he was king, or maybe have Nader be his temporary replacement while he’s away.

That way they’re always together and grow together as a couple, which would also help them get very used to each other and being around someone else in their daily life. Dimitri mentions in Houses that he didn’t have friends in the palace after the Tragedy besides Dedue because they all died, and of course we know his only other friends were long distance. I think it would make Dimitri really happy to wake up to someone every day and not have to worry that Claude will have to leave soon and be apart from him for long periods. I think Claude would also be really glad to have someone he knows loves him by his side regularly, because he’s already spent his whole life alone. Both of them were pretty lonely people. I like to think they can help each other not be lonely because they know no matter what, someone will always be there now.

Plus, I think if they show up together a lot, whether it’s a formal event or even just walking around a town together, people would get used to seeing them together and it could open up a lot of chances for their nations to get along better. I feel like Almyra would take to Dimitri faster than Fodlan would take to Claude once they know he’s Almyran, but I also think since their leadership would be so good to the people that they would start to accept Claude (and the marriage) a lot faster than they otherwise would.

One of my favorite ideas I still need to write at some point is Dimitri going with Claude to a poor area in town and visiting the kids... I have a n o t h e r and it’s that Dimitri learns to sew from Mercedes like in their supports but he handmakes things for the kids, and he often visits orphanages to bring the kids gifts. It always makes the kiddos super excited when they hear he’s gonna stop by, and when they get gifts from him they like to tell everyone they got presents from the king. Of course, you know Claude’s good little heart is melting whenever he sees this, and after going with Dimi a few times he starts to also learn some things so he can make some Almyran gifts for the kids. Sometimes they also bring ingredients so the kids can have a huge meal that day, and usually enough for leftovers for another day. They’re kings, they can afford more stuff than they’ll know what to do with in their life!

And yes, bodyguard Yuri will usually be shadowing them... even though Claude insists they’ll be fine because he’s used to being targeted. Yuri is a worrywart though despite his denial about that and will often be making sure they are safe. 

[suguruswife]

Slashers with a S/O who has insecurities.

Includes: Michael Myers, The Sinclair Brothers, Jason Voorhees and Freddy Krueger.

Warnings: ooc(maybe), explicit oral (f receiving), mentions of sex and nudity.

Well, hello✨ Even cockroaches die from the heat in my country. I hate them ♥ ️ they make me want to move to the moon. But hey, I have to endure the summer! 

I don't have much to say, I just want to clarify something, I don't get too into the sexual topic here, I just added it to some of the slashers, there is nothing too explicit and everything is consensual!

I apologize for any possible grammatical errors, I'm still learning.

Hope you like it, I wish you all a good year!

𝐌𝐢𝐜𝐡𝐚𝐞𝐥 𝐌𝐲𝐞𝐫𝐬.

To be honest I don't think he cares lmao but he won't be indifferent either.

Yeah, he will surely notice your discomfort with your body and won't say anything about it -he simply watches carefully every look or comment you make to yourself- but he'll end up showing that he loves you and he doesn't care about your body but you. For who you are.

Doing a mundane activity? He will touch your back slowly just to proceed to grab something from the fridge, only to show you that he always needs to feel you in some way. Might also brush his hands with yours while watching a movie, Michael is not naive at all, he knows what he's doing to you. If he's in a good mood, his touches escalate to the body parts he's seen you despise: hands, shoulders, face, belly, legs; absolutely anything.

While having sex? He will squeeze you a little more than usual here and there, lovingly and admiringly. You won't be able to see his face or his expressions either, but his callused and rough hands speak more than a thousand words or actions, telling through gestures how much you attract him without doing anything, as attractive as a forbidden fruit. The touches burning through your body, marking you and reminding you that in his eyes you are the most beautiful hot person.

He worships and loves your body with warm touches, in those moments you are everything. Something of seeing you so ethereal, pure and fragile beneath him drives the man to the brink of insanity. Making him dizzy and let himself sink into you and your feelings, those that shake and destroy the walls of the fearsome killer, leaving just a man who wants to admire his lover's body.

At the end of it all, prepare to be greeted with pampering from him into the sheets -maybe it's a little awkward with the mask but he will try either way- and if you are lucky enough you can earn a direct kiss with him. That's the most he would do but the message is clear and loud. Leaving you satisfied, knowing that indeed, Michael does love you in any way.

𝐁𝐨 𝐒𝐢𝐧𝐜𝐥𝐚𝐢𝐫.

Probably the bastard who made you feel bad in the first place.

Wasn't his intention tho. He just made a very bad joke. He didn't expect you to stay overthinking it a lot.

He's like that annoying relative who bases all their humor on mistreating and making others feel bad, just to have some entertainment.

So when he saw you looking at yourself for a little too long in the mirror, he automatically knew it was associated with today's 'joke'. Bo's selfish side wanted to let this go, he was sure that by tomorrow you'd forget it -being a thing of the past- and that was until you made a grimace in front of your reflection.

I think that was a little clue that this wasn't going to be solved tomorrow, was it?

Approaching behind you, he put his chin on your head, looking at you through the mirror.

“Havin’ fun there? Admirin’ and touchin’ that body without me… that's rude of you, darlin’,” he said while squeezing your tummy then your hips lovingly, amused by the frown you had.

Clearly his clever shitty comments didn't help him with the situation, but a bit of eating you out and he already had you in heaven, being putty in his hands. All this while he whispered the most pleasant things in your ear, many praises that elicited the odd moan from you.

Degrade you? Not tonight, he was going to apologize and make sure to earn your forgiveness. Making you feel like the owner of the world.

Bo Sinclair doesn't know how to apologize, he's a man of actions but at least he tries (?

“Gotta stop believing the shit that comes out of this mouth, sweetheart,” Bo said before sucking on your clit while his fingers worked on your cunt, causing a breathless moan to come out of you. “Such a figure of yours was made by God himself, and that ain't bullshit,” he muttered with a mischievous smirk, raising his head and stealing the pleasure of you.

After unintelligible whispers escaped from your mouth, you finally managed to pronounce, “A-alright, why don't you prove it to me then?” You returned the smirk and with your hand you directed his head to where it should be.

𝐕𝐢𝐧𝐜𝐞𝐧𝐭 𝐒𝐢𝐧𝐜𝐥𝐚𝐢𝐫.

The insecurity probably starts more with 'does he really love me or am I the only thing he has?' and then goes to 'I'm disgusting, he would be happier even with a wax figure'. And that's absolutely wrong!

Yeah, maybe Vincent concentrates more on his waxworks than on you but always when he's free, he gives you his full attention, pampering and touching you. All of that is proven with his wall full of drawings of you, all kinds of drawings...

After thinking so much about yourself, you decided to go and talk about it with him, it would be the healthiest thing to do and you knew that Vincent would praise you in any way to cheer you up. That's what you most needed and longed for.

Although he certainly had a mask like Michael, he would be the only one who shows the most concern with his body language. This man would throw down a mountain if that could make you feel better. The least he wants is for you to worry about nothing. Ugly? You? If he could laugh out loud he would, because it's the best joke he's heard in all his years of life.

On the other hand, he understands you, he understands that feeling of inferiority and low self-esteem. He always has it. But he steadfastly refuses to let you, of all people, go through that. Mainly because you are the light of his life, his little muse, you don't deserve that.

So it doesn't matter if you are in his room or in the living room of the house, he will carry you in his arms and take you to the basement. He will make sure you know that you are beautiful and will erase any worries you have.

Already there, Vicent sits you in one of the chairs, you carefully observe his movements with a small smile tugging at your mouth. This felt like a game, you were the target and Vincent was the key to success.

He had his back to you but still the sight of some sketchbooks and pencils didn't escape your eyes. Excitement began to bloom in your chest, trying to think of whether he would do what you thought he would do or if he'd invent something else. If he would get bold, more daring than ever, all to please you and your fantasies, trying to calm your insecurities and bad thoughts.

Vincent calmly approached the table where you were, and once again, you cursed the fact that he wore a mask, covering whatever emotion he might have, depriving you of them. You longed to know if he had the same or more lustful thoughts as you. You crossed your legs to ease your restlessness.

After resting his materials on the wooden surface, he took a few more steps to face you. He directed his right hand up to your neck, slowly stroking that area as if he were pampering a cat. You leaned into his touch, his warmth, automatically wanting more.

“Vincent,” you pleaded, wanting him to be encouraged to rediscover more parts of your body.

He started undressing you, starting at the top of your clothes. Vincent enjoyed putting you in your underwear first, but this time there was something more delicate about him, as if he wanted to take his time, no rush. While enjoying the view, he ran his fingers over certain places. You didn't like your mole? He'd be running his fingers over there, making you let out a satisfied sigh. What about those supposed awful marks of you? He would give it a double tap, trying to convey thousands of emotions. Wanting that they reach you and you understand them.

When he already has you in the position he wants, he will return to his seat in front of you, not before signaling you to stay still. One of his hands took a thick pencil between their fingers and with the other, he took the sketchbook. At this point, his intentions were clear, Vincent planned to draw you naked. The shame consumed you a bit but it was him, he would never judge you and what he was doing now was for you.

You couldn't feel less beautiful, you were under his gaze because he wanted to, because he would choose you over many other things. Because he loves you.

𝐋𝐞𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝐒𝐢𝐧𝐜𝐥𝐚𝐢𝐫.

He would be the best of all perhaps.

The thing begins when a group of teenagers arrive at Ambrose, they were looking to fix a tire on Their car, apparently it was urgent since they had to be in a neighboring town in the next hour.

Then two girls got out of the car, both stood out drastically, they looked like something out of a modeling magazine. You were distracted until Lester's voice was audible again, he was kindly offering to take one of the boys to go 'find' Bo, so you had no choice but to stay with the two girls and the other boy.

And there the problem began.

You hadn't even thought about how they stood out more than you or anything, your first thought was that they were pretty and would be better off in the house of wax, a separate section for 'models'. The thought made you smile, could you consult with Vincent, he'd surely be delighted. Your little smile faded when you heard noisy little laughs behind you, you turned to the direction of these girls. You totally doubted they were looking at something funny on their cell phones because it's impossible for them to have a signal.

So when you turned your gaze towards them, you saw them whispering to each other while 'sneaking' a look at you. You frowned at them, unfortunately you couldn't harm them for various reasons, the main one was that they were three people and also, Vincent needs the victims to be intact, almost like dolls. Seeing how they laughed at your reaction made you even more angry and that's when a realization hit you like a train. They were good looking.

Meanwhile, you looked dirty and you had no doubt that you had some strange smell, probably of death and blood. Feeling too bad inside, you swallow hard trying to calm yourself, you could put on makeup whenever you want but there are no occasions, that's all.

Even when you came back to the house and heard their screams, you didn't feel any better. Because although they are probably wax figures now, their evil and disgusting laughs echo in your head, like a horrible song, over and over again.

Lester saw you somewhat uncomfortable when you arrived, but didn't say anything, he was going to wait for you to tell him on your own. Overwhelming and making you feel worse would be impossible for him, and that's the last thing he wants.

So later, with your thoughts wandering, you decided to ask Lester about your appearance, his view of you.

“Where that come from? Yer more beautiful than any other flower in existence. Perfect just the way you are,” Lester exclaimed at your comment about your lack of cuteness.

Slowly you started to speak, “I don't know, Lester. These girls today were—”

“Is it because of them? They ain't even reach the tip of your feet,” he interrupted, taking you in his arms, squeezing you as if you were a plush. “Neither they nor any other person.”

“It's just that I saw them and I thought about the times when I used to dress and put makeup like that. I wondered if you would like me more if I was prettier.” You murmured relaxing into his embrace.

“Wouldn't change absolutely nothing about you, your whole body is perfect just the way it is, you don't need any kind of costume to look beautiful because you already are.” He started pecking at your face with kisses, making you giggle at his display of affection.

“Wouldn't mind either if you wanna do your makeup for fun, we could do it together, whatcha think?” Lester proposed while caressing your shoulders tenderly. It wouldn't be the first time that you two have put on makeup together but since the 'work' had become complicated, you had less time to spend with each other.

"I'd love that." You said giving him a kiss on the lips, he happily reciprocated, not wanting to get away from you.

𝐉𝐚𝐬𝐨𝐧 𝐕𝐨𝐨𝐫𝐡𝐞𝐞𝐬.

He would never, absolutely never hurt you. Either physically or psychologically.

Wouldn't make jokes about your body or insecurities with it. It's practically impossible for him to even look at you with disgust or with some strange look -let's ignore the fact that he wears a mask as well- Jason literally adores you, you are everything he knows.

But suppose that in a hypothetical situation you look at yourself in an odd way, Jason would be analyzing you there, he wants to know why you look at yourself like that, what do you think is wrong with you? Are you sick? Does he need to get some medicine for you?

Don't make him worry like this :(

After seeing him behind you, you decided to tell him that you have felt bad about yourself because of your appearance. Probably some pretty girl from the lake made you feel uglier or maybe it was just your haunting thoughts convincing you that you are not worthy of attention and less that of your beloved man.

At this point you don't know who feels worse in the room, if Jason for allowing those bad thoughts to cross your head or if you with your supposed extra pounds and unpleasant marks.

To get started, he gives you a bear hug, so firm that it almost makes you forget why you were sad in the first place. That is the first stage.

The second stage is when he begins to bring you flowers, pointing his finger at them first and then at you. You didn't know if he clarified that they were for you or if he compared the beauty of flowers with you, you hoped it was that.

Be that as it may, Jason would always treat you like a queen/king, taking you here and there, giving you a lot of gifts and especially making you understand that you are the most beautiful thing in the world, in his world.

“Oh, Jason, these are beautiful!” you exclaimed when you saw the flowers that your beloved had in his hands. You found the scene very amusing, the menacing murderer was nothing but an affectionate bear as soon as he got home.

He approached you and hugged you firmly, being careful with the delicate flowers. He missed you a lot; you, your pretty figure and especially your smell, everything about you reminded him why his house was a sweet home.

Because you were there.

𝐅𝐫𝐞𝐝𝐝𝐲 𝐊𝐫𝐮𝐞𝐠𝐞𝐫.

Another bastard who would poke fun at your insecurities.

I feel like he is literally capable of making you feel very bad and would totally laugh at it.

The only way for him to 'apologize' would be if you get so mad that you ignore him. And don't even expect it to be a decent apology.

“Heyy, nice ass, sweetie,” Freddy said while patting 'your friend'. You continue your task determined to ignore him and his crap.

“What's up with that face, sweetheart? And why are you dressed like a fucking tent?” He laughed at your choice of baggy clothes, oblivious of the fact that you were wearing them since of the comment he made a few days ago regarding your deformed body -he is the least indicated to speak of that but well.

“I don't know, maybe I decided to take your advice seriously and began to cover this horrible body,” you replied, crossing your arms and frowning your eyebrows (which deepened when you saw him laugh at your answer).

Hugging you from behind, he said, “Come on, you know I never meant to say that your boobs looked like a cow's.” He gave one of them a steady grip as if to emphasize what he said. His touch made you shiver with excitement but his comment infuriated you even more.

“Huh? You never said that!” you exclaimed with an angry blush peeking out your cheeks. You'd remember if a man had told you that your boobs are similar to a cow's.

“I didn't? Then I definitely did think about it.” You hit him as hard as you could and his laughter only made you want to beat the shit out of him even more. 

Before your hand hit his face again, Freddy took it tightly, not causing pain but showing that he was still dominant. Staring at you, he whispered, “Is there anything I can do to make up for this mistake of mine, my beloved?” He kissed your knuckles, an action that caught your eye. It felt very romantic on his part, something you weren't used to.

“Could you not call me like that? It sounds weird.” You sighed heavily before approaching his ear. “Though I know of many ways you can fix this little mistake of yours. You can give me a ride, one of those that leaves me wanting more.”

With a mischievous and feverish smirk crossing his face, he took you in his arms and created a room -advantages of having your own world I guess.

“Tighten your belt because it will be a long ride.”

You were sure you won't get an apology but you can at least get something, right?

﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏

Thank you so much for reading!

[thegingeralien]

Thought I might share my “doing homework with adhd” tips in case the might help even just one person (because that would make me feel happy).

Who am I to be giving you advice? Good point! I am still terrible at studying and I’m 26 and at University for the millionth time. But I have studied A LOT in my 22 years of schooling with varying degrees of success.

I see a lot of people, especially teenagers or first year university/college students, with ADHD asking for tips on how to study. But if you do a google search most of the websites and advice that comes up can be extremely ableist. So I hope I can help someone!

TIPS TO HELP YOU STUDY WHEN YOU HAVE AN ADHD GREMLIN BRAIN!:

1. Chewing gum!

- This might come across as a weird one, but it has actually really helped me. I use it as a form of stimming to help keep me focused and concentrating. Other forms of stimming can potentially end up being more of a distraction when you actually need to be reading or writing - but they can help if you just need to be listening. Try not to get a bubble gum or fun flavoured one though - as they can end up making your mouth feel dry, lose flavour quickly, and just give your brain way too many sensory things to become distracted with.

2. Buying colour coded stationary!

- New stationary can make me really excited to start studying, but that excitement never lasts long and the act of buying stationary can sometimes become it’s own hobby. That’s not what we are going for here. I really recommend, especially if you are a visual learner like me, to buy colour coded stationary. This means removable page markers, different coloured post it notes, highlighters, sometimes even pens. This way if your mind jumps from one topic to the other, it doesn’t matter. Go with the flow. Forcing your ADHD gremlin brain to focus can be extremely counter intuitive. So pick a colour for each topic, and stick to that system to find organisation among your own chaos!

3. Buy a really cheap, boring year diary with hardly any writing inside.

- Not sure if your school/university has their own diary but they can be perfect for what I am on about. Generally you can find them for really cheap, soft cover, no writing or designs within the dates. Just dates, days, weeks and lines where you can write your homework. This helped me a lot in High School. I wish I had kept doing it in University, but I am good with giving advice, and not so much with taking it. I used to decorate the outside of it however I wanted. Some years I would redecorate the same diary every semester. In the public holidays or holiday days I would colour those lines in with different highlighters to make it look like a rainbow. But every assignment due date, homework, draft, rewrite, form I had to bring back, library book due date, school activity days, ANYTHING to do with school I would write in there with reminds and check lists. Important due dates would be highlighted, general homework and daily to do lists t(o help me not leave my assignments to the last minute) would have a tick box beside them (because ticking tick boxes is free dopamine). Try to not put birthdays or fun things in it. This is a small way to stay on track so it helps you actually stay on track with the big things when you’re home.

4. Big whiteboards stuck on the wall where you can’t avoid it.

- This is not something I had in school, but I so wish I did. I have been using this recently to keep on top of house work (as maintaining your own house is tiring) and my small business or other things I really can’t avoid. If I physically write it down (not just in my phone) it psychologically does help you commit it to memory. Again, physically putting a line through a task you just completed is a hecking great rush of dopamine. But the biggest reason I love my white board, I can’t ignore it. It is stuck to the wall and is never out of sight, out of mind. I can’t put my phone or diary down and then refuse to look at it until I’m past the due date. Again, I’m not a perfect person, there are days where I don’t do anything I have written on the white board. But the great thing is, I don’t have to continuously feel like I failure, as I can wipe it all off the next morning or week and start fresh. I also put important things I have to remember that I’m doing during the week so I don’t forget them.

5. Icky Medication.

- I know not everyone wants to be on medication, and I understand. I am not forcing you to. No matter what your opinions are, you lovely gremlin who is still reading this post, regarding medication, you are valid and I respect you. My personal experience with medication has not been the best. I have been misdiagnosed for a severe chunk of my academic life which has seen me trying to focus and maintain school work under some even worse states then I am unmedicated! However, since receiving my diagnosis and finding the right ADHD medication for me, I have the ability to get so much work done without having to unnecessarily struggle. It’s unfortunately not magic, it will not turn me into a robot that makes me do work and turn out incredible, noble peace prize winning assignments (as much as I wish that were possible). I still have the ability to be a lump, doom scrolling through tumblr, forgetting to eat, and ignoring responsibilities. But it really helps me when I sit down and start that thing that isn’t fun. Yesterday it helped me hyperfocus on cleaning my office which was a terrifying room to be in. So it’s pretty close to magic in my opinion!

6. Accessing Disability Support at your place of learning.

- Not all of you taking the time to read this will have either a) an offical diagnosis or b) a good disability support available to you wherever you are completing your studies. And that is okay. This dot point just won’t be for you right now. But keep it in mind for a time when it might apply to you, as it’s something I never thought I would need, but will never take for granted ever again.

- If you have an offical diagnosis and Disability Support, make an appointment with the disability support adviser. DO IT NOW! Get your psychiatrist to write a diagnosis letter outlining that you have <enter superpower that makes you hilarious here> and that you are receiving <enter x,y,z treatment here> and that you would benefit from receiving <enter what you have always wished you had on the days you can’t make your ADHD gremlin brain do the thing here>. Now these benefits can be, but not limit to: automatic extensions on ALL assignments, extra time on exams, extra breaks to walk around while taking exams, special consideration when marking assignments, my university allows me to take exams in a separate room with only the other students in my subject who also have disability support (occasionally I have taken an exam alone with only a tutor present) so I don’t get distracted, permission to take fidget items into class or exam (I have the option to wear headphones, as long as I can display that they are not connected to anything). Maybe you can come up with some great ones for you with your disability advisor or your psychiatrist.

- The disability advisor will often go through your course outline with you at the start of each semester or year. This is annoying and a great time for disassociating, but can be useful in hindsight because you are made aware of everything that will come up during your class so you are not surprised. Because lets be honest, it is unlikely you are going to look at the course calendar too often.

- Side Note: I make an appointment every semester with my disability support officer for my area of study to make sure I have my special considerations for the year. Now I may go through the whole year without ever using my considerations. However, the fact that I know they are there takes an insane amount of pressure off of myself. If I’m having an insanely screwy loony tune mental health moment, I can email my coordinator my disability plan and say I need an extension due to personal reasons, and WHOOP, there it izzzzz.

7. Dedicated one thing or a few things that have nothing to do with food/alcohol/other substances to reward yourself with for doing the thing!

- This may not work for everyone. It doesn’t always work for me. I used to reward myself with food, but that only reinforced my stimming with overeating and my already bad relationship with food. And I feel as though that would be the same with any other substance that can be linked with addiction. (Addiction is a tough word, cause what aren’t I addicted to, I have ADHD, but hopefully you get what I mean!).

-Now, boring try and not choose this aside, lets think of somethings that work really well as rewards!

- My partner likes to come give me a kiss and a hug when ever they have written and reread a paragraph, you might buy a book when you get a really good mark, you might want to go make a cup of tea and watch an episode of your hyperfixation after studying for <enter a good period of time here>, you might allow yourself to partake in an activity you usually do while procrastinating (but at least this time you know you aren’t putting something off), talk to someone who you know will tell you they are proud of you as they understand the mental struggle you go through to concentrate (if you can’t think of anyone, it is 110% okay if that person are the amazing people on tumblr or the adhd tumblr chats. We will freaking pop a bottle of champagne for you cause we get it!).

- Try and make what ever you choose be something in a different room or away from your working space. Getting out can really calm you down.

8. Don’t be afraid to ask for assistance.

- This is true for anything, but I don’t mean just asking your teacher to give you extra help understanding the task and marking rubric. Many people online, tutors, librarians at your school, past or present students offer assistance rereading and making small edits (they won’t make it magical unfortunately) to your assignments. If you are like me and once you have written or completed the dreaded thing, you can not imagine or force your gremlin brain reread or edit the thing. So it can help to just delegate this to someone else, who hasn’t read it before, so they won’t disassociate or skim read it. They will often notice things you never would have even if you were neurotypical as that is just what happens when you have been working on something for so long.

9. Repetitive music.

- It generally helps if this has no lyrics. Lo-fi is amazing. Classical is alright too if it works for you, but both my partner and I agree that it can really assist you to keep up pace and focus when the beat is a high and repetitive (almost meditative) tempo.

10. Limit your screen space.

- This is a tip completely from my partner @dr-adhd who also has ADHD, is an avid PC gamer and is consistently in a battle with their gremlin brain to focus on completing their PhD. They have discovered that it really helps them to limit their screen space - simply put, work on one screen only. They have done more work more easily when they have their one screen on their laptop to focus on. Whereas their office has multiple screens so they could be playing runescape, watching YouTube, listening to lo-fi and doing work - which never worked (shocking right hahaha).

11. At the risk of sounding like a Mum... Put your phone and other electronics other than the assignment necessary one, away.

- I am a Mum, but to a fluffy puppy dog, so I hate to sound like my Mum when I was in high school, but she was right. Mobiles are the single easiest and biggest distraction in ADHD history. I often, even at coffee shops, have to turn my phone over so that I am not consistently looking at it every time the screen lights up to say the pizza place has sent me a coupon, or a carpet place that has been having a sale since I was born is... still having a sale, or a friend from school wants you to watch this TikTok. Even though you might not want to ignore your friends, because people pleasing, difficulting making/keeping friends and RSD are hecking real things, but they can all wait. Trust me, none of them are urgent. That TikTok will still be funny in an hour or two. And I’m probably completely right when I say that whomever just messaged you, never replies as quickly as you want them too. So I doubt they are going to think twice if you are MIA to finish your thing.

My partner or I might add to this later, but at the moment I already know that I probably wouldn’t read this wall of words if I was the one reading it, so if you are still with me, THANK YOU and I really hope I might have helped you. Sorry for the mound of words, but maybe you can reblog, screen shot, or save this and read a dot point at a time or refer to it when you need. Don’t be afraid to ask questions, I promise what ever it is, I’ve asked the same thing once in my life or something MUCH stupider.

[deanandthephantoms]

Perfect Harmony Pt.1 - Reader x Charlie

Soo.. This is my first attempt at writing a story. This story is, in a very short summary gonna be about how the reader and Charlie Gillespie met, became best friends, drifted apart, and found each other again. Thank you @happinessinthedarkesttimes for giving me the idea to write this. I hope you’ll enjoy! This is chapter one of.. who knows how many, it might become a long one. Oh and all feedback is welcome :). You can read chapter 2 here and chapter 3 here !

Start of something new

When Y/N was 16 years old her mom thought it was a good idea to send her to a summer camp for teenagers to young adults. Now that may sounds like a fun thing, but Y/N was always very shy and very insecure at first, I guess that’s what 10 long years of being bullied on the regular does to a person.. As you can imagine going out and meeting a insanely large group of new people was a pretty terrifying thing to her. So when she was on her way in a bus to the summer camp surrounded by other camp-goers she was in full panic mode thinking things like; WHAT AM I DOING? I DON’T WANT TO GO! WHAT IF THEY’RE ALL GONNA BE MEAN TO ME?! there however was no turning back now.. Luckily it was only a week, she would survive.. Right?

When the bus arrived at her home for the coming week y/n was overwhelmed by the amount of people that were already there.  Luckily a camp staff member came up to her soon enough and told her she was placed into a smaller group with 8 other people from around her age. Still scary but focusing on meeting 8 new people sure was a lot less scary than having to meet at least 100 people all at once. The counselor also showed Y/N where her room for the week was.

When Y/N stepped into her bedroom for the week she saw 3 pairs of eyes looking at her. One of the girls jumped up from her bed and said; “Hey! I don’t think we’ve met yet? I’m Madison! That’s Savannah” she said while pointing towards the blonde girl sitting on one of the beds, Savannah gave you a smile and a small wave. “And that’s Jadah” she said while gesturing towards the girl making her bed. “hi!” Jadah said with a big smile. I took Madison’s held out hand and shook it. “Hey nice to meet you all.” You smiled shyly. “You’re right it’s my first time here so I haven’t really met anyone yet.. My name is Y/N by the way.” “ Nice to meet you too Y/N!”Madison said. “So since you’re sleeping in our room I bet that means you’re also in our group, right?” “Oh.. eh.. I’m not sure..?” “I replied. Is that usually how this works? Have you 3 been here before?” I asked while claiming my bed for the week. “Yeah!” They all said at the same time, sounding very excited. This time it was Savannah who continued to speak; “I’ve been coming here every summer since I was 13. That was also the year I met Madison and Jadah and the rest of our group, who you will meet soon enough. We actually have become really close friends over the years so we keep coming back here to see each other. You’re gonna love our group!” I smiled at her excitement. “I sure hope so.” “So.. Jadah began, how did you end up coming here?” “Honestly? I said, my mom thought it would be a brilliant idea to send me here, to meet some new people..” “You don’t sound very excited about it”Jadah noticed. “You picked up on that huh? You’re right..” I quickly explained to the girls that I’m very shy and insecure at first which makes meeting new people a hard and scary thing. They all nodded understandingly. “Hey, Madison said, we got you okay? no need to feel scared or anything.” The 3 girls smiled at me and for some reason I felt they meant it. “Thank you I said, that really does mean a lot. So.. while we’re on the topic of meeting new people, when will we be meeting the rest of our group?” I asked nervously. “In 30 minutes or so Madison replied, our first group activity starts at 3pm”.  “Group activity?” I asked with a nervous look on my face. Savannah laughed,”don’t worry they call it a activity but it’s basically just some time to meet everyone in your group and the leaders of your group.”  “oh, that doesn’t sound tooo bad” I replied, still feeling very nervous but at least I had those 3 girls who genuinely seemed nice.

3pm came sooner than I wanted and before I knew it Jadah was dragging me along to my first group activity. When we got there the rest of our group and our two older leaders we’re already there. Jadah sat me down next to this boy with brown hair and hazel eyes the boy greeted Jadah and gave me a smile. I soon would learn that his name was Charlie. He came to camp with two of his friends, Owen and Jeremy who were also in our group. Then there was this boy called Taylor and another girl called Tori and last but not least our leaders, a man called Ray, who seemed super chill and laid back and a woman named Rose who seemed to be the sweetest person. During that first time meeting everyone I actually started to feel more comfortable, they all seemed pretty nice. Maybe this week wouldn’t be so bad after all.. Soon after meeting your group it was time for dinner with the entire camp. Madison gestured for you to come sit with her, an invitation you happily accepted you had met enough new people for the day. During the dinner the head camp counselors asked for everybody’s attention. They introduced themselves to us and told us some crazy story about how we were gonna play ‘glow in the dark paintball’. Madison laughed at my confused face. “I hate to break the fun but this all just means we’re having a dropping later tonight. they try this every year. They try to prepare us for an intense, active night without actually saying they’re dropping us in the middle of nowhere.” She whispered to me. “Oohhh” I simply replied, actually feeling a bit disappointed.

-Later that night y/n found out Madison was right, the group and their two leaders got dropped in the middle of nowhere and as we speak were trying to find their way back “home”.- 

I found myself walking next to Charlie, he was chatting away about all kinds of things I learned all about his family and about his girlfriend who apparently was a staff member on this camp and he promised me, he would introduce me to her. I had to admit, I had the worst experience with boys I had kind of decided that I hated all of them, but this Charlie dude was very easy to talk to, he has this energy that just makes you feel at ease and the other boys seem very nice too.. Charlie ripped me away from my own thoughts, “Sooo Y/N what kind of music do you like? Please tell me you like music..” I couldn’t help but laugh, “If I like music? nah”. I left a short silence before continuing;  “I love music!” even though it was dark I could tell he smiled at that answer. “What kind of music is a hard question though. I literally listen to all kinds of things from rock to silly boybands.. I enjoy it all.” It was that moment a song of  the band Linkin park popped into my head and I softly started singing it “When my time comes Forget the wrong that I've done. Help me leave behind some reasons to be missed.” Realizing what I was doing I quickly shut up again. “Y/N, were you just singing a Linkin park song?” Charlie asked me. “Yeah..” I replied half ashamed, “they’re one of my favorite bands actually.” I said. “NO WAY!”He replied all excited. “I love them too!” And without any warning he continued singing the song I started singing. – this boy can sinnnng I thought to myself before joining him and singing along, it only took Owen, Jeremy and Taylor 5 seconds to join us and before I knew it we were walking through the woods at night just singing apparently this entire group really loved music and i was not complaining. After a good while of singing all kinds of songs we quieted down and just had many conversations about everything. And after a few hours of being lost we found our way back. Me and the girls wished the boys a goodnight which apparently goes along with a lot of hugs, this is where I learned Charlie gives the best hugs. They’re some of the tightest hugs I’ve ever had, but at the same time the most comfortable and save feeling ones as well.. I went to sleep as a happy girl that night, so glad all of those people were so nice to me I actually may have found myself some new good friends here.

When I stepped out of my room the next morning I saw Charlie talking to a girl. “Y/N!” He motioned for me to come over, so I did. “Morning Charlie” I said. “Good morning” he replied ,sounding a lot more alive than I felt. “I promised you I would introduce you to my girlfriend didn’t i? So Y/N this is Emma. Emma meet Y/N it’s her first time here and she’s part of our group now!” “Ohh,” Emma replied. “It’s so nice to meet you! I hope you’ll have a lovely time here” she smiled at me. “It’s nice to meet you too, Charlie has told me quite a bit about you” I told her with a smile. “Only good things I hope”, she said more to the boy than to me. “Anyway breakfast is about to start so I should go and meet my fellow staff members”. She gave Charlie a quick kiss and gave us a ‘I’ll see you soon’ before running off. “So that was Emma, she seems nice” I told Charlie. Charlie smiled, “She is! She came into my life when I was feeling very low. In some way she really saved me you know.” “Well I’m glad she did” I told him. I couldn’t imagine this happy, social, excited boy being depressed.. this Emma girl sure did something right.  “Yeah me too” Charlie replied, “should we go get some breakfast?” And before I could even say anything Charlie was already on his way.

The rest of the day was filled with playing games with our group against other groups. Not gonna lie, we were the worst we lost every single game but boy did we have fun. We were cheering each other on, Tori thought us some cheerleader dance, we were laughing at our own failure and singing random songs trough out the day. After dinner there was this thing called “Family time” which i learned, basically meant getting together with your own small group and talking about a more serious topic. Ray and Rose , our older leaders, were talking to us about believing in yourself and knowing that you’re good enough just the way you are. And while the others were saying things here and there, I was quiet. Veeery quiet. I never really believed in myself, all I had been hearing for 10 years is how ugly I was, how I failed at a most things, people laughed at me when I did something wrong, boys told me I didn’t deserve to be loved.. and i could go on..  I did not like myself at all and I sure didn’t think I was good enough for anything or anyone. Rose ended our night by reading us a little poem she wrote about how loved we were. As soon as we were allowed to go I walked off quickly I felt the tears burning in my eyes. I couldn’t cry, not in front of my new friends.. So I sat down in a somewhat hidden spot and just silently cried with my head in my hands.

After a minute or so I felt someone sit down beside me and putting an arm around my shoulder pulling me a little closer. Then I heard a voice ask me “Y/N are you okay? What’s wrong?” It was Charlie genuinely sounding concerned, he slowly rubbed my back trying to calm me down. This entire thing he did was new to me, I wasn’t used to people noticing something was wrong or asking me if I was doing okay and I was definitely not used to a boy comforting me. I-I , I began but the sobs made it impossible to speak. Charlie pulled me into a hug and kept telling me it was okay. After a few minutes of sobbing into his shirt I calmed down a bit and Charlie let go of me. I smiled at him with a tear stained face, “thank you for that and sorry about your shirt..” “don’t worry about it”he replied “Now do you wanna tell me what was wrong?” “ I uhh.. I guess I’m not really used to people telling me I’m loved or people telling me I’m good enough. I’m actually more used to the opposite of that.. so hearing those things just really overwhelmed me and apparently broke me..”I could see in Charlie’s face that he felt bad for me. “I’m so sorry”he said, “you’re such a cool person Y/N! We all happen to think that so you better believe it.” “Stop!” I said slapping his arm playfully “or you’ll make me cry all over again.” He laughed, “I’m sorry. But it’s true.” Not really knowing how to deal with that compliment I just smiled at him. Charlie continued ;” hey listen, if you.. you know ever need someone to talk to. I’m here okay?” “Thanks Charlie, that means a lot.” Charlie smiled at me and got up from the ground holding his hand out for me, “Come on. We’re gonna go back to the others, they were planning on playing some boardgames tonight. Are you in?”  “Yeah I’m in,” I replied while taking his hand he pulled me up from the ground. When me and Charlie got to our friends Madison Savannah and Jadah immediately stood up and pulled me in for a hug. “Are you okay?” Madi asked. “Yeah I am now. Thanks” I replied with a smile. “So I heard we were playing games I’m in!” I said changing the subject. “Heck yeah!” Sav replied “you’re on my team Y/N! we’re playing against the boys.” “ Alright, Let’s show ‘em what we got!” I replied. And so we ended the night on a very competitive but good note.

Part 2 // Part 3

[scummy-writes]

This is really awkward but heyo lets talk about things I never wrote when I said I would

There's probably been a lot, though first thing that comes to mind is me promising to at least try to finish requests that were sent out to me as far back as literally a year ago. Then, it's the 'suitors reacting to mc being pregnant' series I wanted to do, but ended up being unable to. I think there's been snippets of old fics I've wanted to publish (like some kinktober snippets, or drabble ideas I shared, other small things), said I would publish sometime 'soon', and then never did.

I don't know how to really Approach the topic because it's going to be a lot of excuses in the end, even when I'm wanting to try and explain the reasoning behind it all.

I can be firm in saying that, at the time, I did fully plan on finishing what I had set out to do. I wanted to, but then I got held back from doing so. From life events, but also a lot of mental issues.

This is probably going to sound so stupid, especially since I've been writing for years, but I have such godawful anxiety when it comes to writing.

I used to have a lot of fun with it, and I still do whenever I manage to finish something, but as much as I hate to admit it, being hounded on for over a year about writing a character 'ooc' in a past fandom really did a number on me. It's not fun waking up to messages chewing you out about how ooc a character is, and that stretching out to cover a whole year.

I've gotten made fun of irl for my writing as well. Like back in highschool teachers mocking my stuff in front of the class and my friends chiming in, all of that fun stuff.

In a lot less words; now I just get scared of writing characters that I don't feel at least like. 80% confident in writing.

So thats the reasoning behind me saying I'll do a full suitor series in xyz, and then never ended up doing it. I get too nervous its going to be too disappointing, and even when I thought I could do it and had ideas to apply, I chickened out. I couldn't convince myself any of the ideas were good enough and constantly scrapped it all.

And that in turn stretches out to requests. I thought at first I was just too stressed from comms/pandemic starting/work, but i think it still links back to that. I get insanely nervous about posting things, and its only gotten worse as time goes by. (Like, hey, I've been trying to work through it. I was seeing a therapist, but after her kinda scoffing and laughing at me regarding writing, kinda accepted she couldn't help me out in that department. )

And then, in turn, a lot of this applies to fics. I know I've posted drabble snippets before and said something along the lines of trying to tackle x drabble after I finish y thing, and then seemingly never doing so.

When, currently, a lot of kinktober drafts have morphed into a longer christmas fic that I never got done on time. (And, you guessed it, it's because I keep convincing myself its not good enough to pursue). Not all of them. I mean, some have pushed towards a oc fic for Amélie, some for other smutfics, etc. (Recycling I guess?)

I sound completely bonkers in all of this

I just don't know how to explain it. I mean "Hey, I fucked up, I'm sorry if you all felt lied to, I'm sorry" just seems lazy, and I just want to make it clear that there's reasons behind everything, the lack of fulfillment wasn't supposed to hurt anyone, it just. Happened. I'm sorry.

I wish it could be as easy as just sitting down with a word document open and just Going, but it's not. I'll sit in front of an open word doc for hours and just spend the time convincing myself no ones going to enjoy whatever it is I'm working on.

Which, is NOT a commentary on a lack of support or something. You guys have always been sweet, and in my opinion you are all quick to leave nice comments on whenever I do manage to post. (And those comments are not tossed aside, I really do appreciate all of them)

It's more of a commentary on my mental state I guess, and how bad my anxiety with writing how gotten. You guys don't get to see a lot of the 'fun' behind the scenes of a few select friends having to basically hold my hand while I agonize over publishing a new fic or not.

None of this is said to guilt anyone, because no one following me should feel guilty. No ones pressuring me outside of myself, and you guys support me and are always nice. It's just the remnants of a weird stalker/harrassment issues I've had, and irl issues. I mean. Hell, I feel like it's normal to have issues after going through a year of regular harrassment.

Just. Hoping it sheds some light on things. I get that it's annoying regardless, and I understand that, I would just feel worse if I didn't try to explain why I never got around to finishing them.

I'm trying not to promise stuff as often. Because I'm going into another month of working overtime, and, honestly, I'm trying to prepare on finding a new job. My current one is causing me to go through new anxiety meds and making me freakout way more than a job should.

In light of that, I will guarantee that I'll do the theo pegging fic. I can't promise finishing other fics or drabbles, but since the fic is supposed to be a celebration for you all, I can't not do it.

I can't guarantee *when*, it might be months from now, but I will have it done eventually. I'd feel worse than ever if I didn't, and that will drive me to finish it eventually.

That's the only thing I feel comfortable promising right now.

I'm sorry for such a long and spirialing post. I've been feeling guilty about a lot of this for a while now, and then it was brought up that I've probably or have made a lot of people feel lied to. So I thought I would attempt to address it.

In other news, due to work, I haven't been posting much and have been somewhat 'hiding' in my server. Sorry for barely any activity, I just feel kinda. Annoying. So I haven't been on tumblr much.

[frei-und-schwerelos]

“I wanted to understand her” - Willemijn’s interview from blickpunkt’s Elisabeth magazine.

(Translation under the cut. Many thanks to @beautifullmadness for sending me the magazine and to @imdezembervorjahren/need-not for revising my translation!)

When did you first have contact with the topic of Elisabeth and then also with the musical?

Of course with my parents we always watched the “Sissi” movie, but I first genuinely engaged with it when the musical came to Holland in 1999. Back then I was not yet active in the Musical realm, but I went to a performance with a friend and was really excited. Then in 2000 - actually only for fun - I auditioned and found myself in the ensemble for the first time. Pia Douwes was Elisabeth at the time and I was in the ensemble and on stage, for example, I was her Governess (laughs). For me that meant that Elisabeth in Holland was my first meeting with working in a musical theatre production and I thus had the possibility to learn if that was something for me, because before I sung in pop bands. So everything was new for me, but I quickly realised that you can learn so much and I used that by I standing in the wings and watching how Pia and all my other colleagues did it.  

Which memories do you have in your time with Elisabeth?

After I learnt so much from Pia in Scheveningen, I sometimes wished to stand on the stage as Elisabeth myself one day. So the engagement in Thun was a nice challenge to play the role myself. In addition the magical Thun Seebühne (Lake Stage) where actual nature forms the backdrop. When you perform in the evening, the mood of the pieces gets darker and darker, the same way it becomes darker and darker around you, and when you then sing “Boote in der Nacht”, the sun sets. That was fantastic.

From what you say, in your experience in the Netherlands, Elizabeth also worked Open Air.

It worked really well. It was even exactly right for me because the dusk over the mountains matched the scenes in Elisabeth really well. There was no set, so you couldn’t hide, as actors we stood on the stage with the crew who changed the elements for the next scene and that was a great experience.

How was it acting on the stairs and tilted levels of the set design?

So that you couldn’t slip, the areas were strewn with sand, but if it then rained and became too dangerous, the choreography had to be adjusted somewhat. Luckily, my shoes didn't have very high heels.

Did director Ueli Bichsel speak with you about his intention with this very abstract set design and own production?

It was important of course that it worked without having to make frequent exits and entrances from the stage. The abstract set design in combination with the insane natural scenery was just a really harmonious combination and so I think we were taught that too. It was really open and honest because one - as I said above - couldn’t hide. As a result there was also no distractions from the end of the show.

With the stage design and costumes, modern and historical elements came together. Also in my costume were modern facets added to the traditional picture of Elisabeth’s time. It was important of course that it should be wholly different from the theatre versions in order to not make any comparisons. On such a big stage with wide spaces, strong and bright colours were chosen to make the whole thing for visible and eye-catching for the audience. That’s why Death and his followers were red. And what remained in my memory was ultimately about using everything we find - the lake, the mountains and everything in the background - as a space to play with, to include them in telling the stories of Elisabeth.

Was Elisabeth somewhat of a dream role?

Yes, very. It’s a really great role and she goes through such a beautiful development. And her songs are fantastic to sing.

What was important for you to show in your portrayal?

I already knew what was important by watching Pia. You have to play someone who experienced the time from 15 to 61 years old, either you’re somewhat too old or too young, you’re always stuck in between. It’s a big challenge to portray that tremendous development with the role and the voice. I read the book by Brigitte Hamann (Elisabeth: Kaiserin wider Willen) and also made a trip to Vienna, simply to find out more about her. Back then I also saw the Vienna production. I wanted to understand the woman and know more about her before I played the role myself. There was Elisabeth, she isn’t fictional character, so it was really important to me to know where her story comes from.

On that foundation I tried to depict her development in the 30 shows, which is really too little.

You said that you wanted to understand her. What was it like to put yourself in this person?

It’s not easy for a woman today to imagine how it must have been like back then. She experienced so much misery, it’s understandable that she lost touch with reality and didn’t know who she should believe anymore. I can only imagine how it was as she lost her child and wasn’t allowed to see Rudolf and basically had no more freedoms.  I don’t presume to really understand but you can imagine that it had not been easy.

Did she love Franz Joseph?

I think in the beginning. She was only 16 years young and probably really naive. She believed that it was true love. So I clarified that to myself. But then she had to grow up really quickly

You’ve already said yourself that Elisabeth isn’t a fictional person. Is it more difficult to play a person who has lived?

It’s more difficult in the sense that I have great respect for her and would like to show what drove her and want to be close as possible to her real story. There are so many books and other things about Elisabeth and you would like to take as much knowledge about her as possible before you play her. At the same time I believe it makes it harder. With a fictional character you can draw more from yourself, with Elisabeth you have to really slip into her skin.

(Already translated this part about if the part was a challenge)

How was performing together with Christoph Goetten as Death?

It was great. I never knew him before and had always seen Stanley Burleson as Death. Chris plays Death wholly differently and it was so much fun. We were supposed to show the desire for one another and it’s important that we understood each other.

Is there a favourite scene or song that you especially like in the show?

What I always found especially moving, even in the ensemble in Holland, is the song “Nichts, nichts, gar nichts”. I found it really beautiful and heavy at the same time because everything is totally hopeless for her and she doesn’t know anymore what she should do. I find showing the hopelessness in the situation in this song fantastic. I found this scene really beautiful when watching it and then also playing it myself.

Do you have a theory as to why the Elisabeth has always been previously played by a Dutch woman?

No, I often ask that myself and of course have also been asked. I personally think it’s a big coincidence. But if anyone finds out why that’s so, I would also like to know. (Laughs)

What is the myth of Elisabeth for you and why does it still reach so many people to this day?

I think a reason is that she’s just not a fictional person. People find that really interesting and it doesn’t matter in Holland that it’s a story from Vienna that they see on stage. That’s what makes it so appealing to me personally, that it’s a true story. I believe that it’s also the contrast between what you expect as a beautiful story of a princess and her real life, and that also makes you think. Sometimes beautiful appearances are deceiving. Furthermore is music by Sylvester Levay simply wonderful and beautifully written, and Michael Kunze described incredibly well how Elisabeth played with Death again and again. It’s so dark but simultaneously really moving. Because of these points, I think Elisabeth is fascinating.

[norgestan]

I'm going back for seconds! Viri/Hugo, Nora/Miquel, Lucasim, Emma/You. Lol tbh I just want an Emma ship and I feel like we haven't properly settled for one. 😔 Who should end up with Emma, Mia excluded since you haven't watched Druck yet?

ardi round 2, i loooove this :)

VIRIHUGO:

i think at the end of the day i’m just resigned to virihugo’s existence. do i hate that they just Start pining for each other with no setup at all? yes. do i hate that their relationship was a noorhelm+vilde esque get-together where dylan is the one who ends up alone? yes (imagine if noora had told william something like “oh lol vilde is just some slut that goes for every boy around her, she’ll get over it soon and she doesn’t really care about us being together ;)”. bc that’s essentially what virihugo did LOL). do i hate that half of their clips are they just standing still and monologuing about each other? oh yes. do i care? not really. i would resent them a lot more if viri had been the protag of s3, but eskam had really compelling couples with noriquel and norandro so i just spend my time focusing on them and not the lesser part of the season.

viri is an endearing character, and although i didn’t like most of her subplot in s3, i do think eskam made her an interesting character with what they had and i’m happy she got a nice boyfriend that she has lots of fun with. moreover, norandro was lacking the enemies-to-lovers snarky interactions (too busy being a really compelling couple!) and the trope was picked up by hugo and viri. which i kinda dig, because those interactions were the only things that i enjoyed about various noorhelms in the skamverse - if most of them were like that and less bad abusive boy feminist girl jerk-fest, i wouldn’t loathe noorhelm as much as i do. although this also makes me wish viri and hugo had been that kind of dynamic from the start, and just gotten a lot of will-they-won’t-they glances from their friends throughout the show until they finally got into each other on s3. but i guess that would’ve made it impossible for eskam to use dylan just to *checks notes* make every person in the love triangle insanely infuriating, oh well.

tl;dr: they are allowed to exist.

NORIQUEL:

ardi, you just want to see the world burn LMAO

to me it’s hard to dislike any pairing with nora on it because she’s a very good character and that just means she’ll always have great dynamics with other good characters. and oh is miquel a good character. in a lot of ways, eskam gave us two great williams in one season: my boy alejandro, who is the perfect candidate for a nora love interest, who earned his place and then helped nora earn her place as the best candidate to be his love interest as well, and then miquel, that has just enough characterization to be exactly what the narrative of the season needs him to be - not only a mustache-twirling antagonist who will punch out then smirk his way out of situations, but a real person.

see, they could’ve made miquel into a one-dimensional asshole that nora is stupidly into because he’s hot (does that sound familiar to you? LOL) but oh no, miquel is way more than that. he earns nora’s trust because he’s not an asshole, he resents olga for cheating on him and you can see how nora waits until the moment where he’ll call her a slut but it NEVER comes, he defends nora in front of his friends... he gives her what she needs, and he fits right where she expects him to. and that’s so important in a season where every other character is challenging nora in one way or another: alejandro doesn’t fit in her box of “incorrigible fuckboy”, viri doesn’t fit in her box of “helpless friend who needs my pity”, emma doesn’t fit in her box of “s/a victim”. being with miquel is easy, when he just humors her and spits out thoughts that nora agrees with all the time. it’s just REALLY great to watch. not only is her season a display of how emotional abuse looks like, but also her entire relationship with miquel showcases her shame, her flaws, the things she needs to work with to better her relationships with the people who ask more of her because it’s only fair.

i honestly never was in the miquel hate train. once you get the point of the character, it’s easy to love him for what he is. as i said before, miquel was also a call of attention because the conversations that he had with nora reminded me of talks with male friends i’ve had in my uni years, and it really put it in perspective and made me realize that i have been humoring numerous miquels by sitting through their “i’m actually a feminist, ya know” think-pieces and agreeing with the general feeling of it. and i don’t think a character like niko could EVER make anyone feel like that.

i’ve checked the middle square because that was my reaction every time eskam made a point to parallel noriquel to noorhelm. like YES. YOU DO GET ME. TRULY A SEASON FROM NOORHELM ANTIS TO NOORHELM ANTIS. what a skamverse treat. this relationship is good for the SOUL. that’s why i never got infuriated watching the couple, despite knowing what the point of their existence was: at the end of the day, i knew that the signs of abuse weren’t pointless and just fillers for an end-of-season sex scene, but they were actually going to do something interesting with them. and that’s exactly what they did. noriquel is actually a perfectly crafted relationship for what its message is and it deserves to be remembered as that.

LUKASIM:

oh BOY.

i just.... kasim is in this relationship. that already makes this REALLY difficult to tackle it. the thing about kasim is... if you only watched the season as the movistar+ channel shows it, kasim is simply a plot device. he’s not a character. he’s only there to introduce conflict and stir some shit and then fuck off to the sunset. he doesn’t have an og counterpart which meant that eskam didn’t have to actually try with him, and kasim is just what they need him to be: a way to introduce the main conflict, a reason for dounia to hate amira, boy on boy action for that sweet fanservice, misogynist microaggressions towards amira, a loose way to wrap things up at the end of the season and absolve her from any guilt or shame, etc. he just shows up when the plot needs him and then walks away very swaggily. and that’s why kasim is an essay kind of topic because to talk about him, you have to tackle the racism in s4 and all the ways they could’ve made a conflict-inducing gay muslim guy actually likable. which i won’t do here.

but then if you look at the lucas extra clips... he’s actually LIKABLE. he’s a character: he has personality, he’s funny, he doesn’t take lucas’ shit, he will only be with him if lucas apologizes and changes first. and as someone who desperately wants to protect kasim from the shit characterization and treatment he got in the show, i treasure those clips immensely - which i don’t think a lot of people do, and i can see why. it’s just sad that the moments where kasim was a likable, real character were hidden behind a paywall, and drown in a convoluted plotline of outing people when they behave badly as a good punishment. the thing about their get-together is that their impact relies only on amira, and is meant to make her life a living hell. other than that, there’s not really a narrative or character reason why they’re both into each other. is it only because they’re conventionally attractive guys and the only recurrent mlm in the show? wow, that shit’s BORING.

sigh, anyway. in a slightly better world, kasim being gay wasn’t actually a nuance as it was presented in the show. rather, kasim was out and confident about it, close to his sister, probably a regular in las labass where he could also work with organizations of other queer muslims in madrid. this also means that lucas and kasim’s relationship wasn’t the typical hidden gay love story that they were in the actual show, but they’re just, ya know. typical gay kids who made out in the club and then became just friends. or lucas’ activism on s2 warranted some instagram dms and then they upgraded to acquaintances. it’s upsetting that lucas is the only eskild who doesn’t really get to hangout or be in queer circles like other eskilds are implied to, so it would be great for him to actually have gay friends that he enjoys just as much as his primarily friend group. like, their version of lucas’ queer lifestyle being going to bars and hooking up with older guys it’s so....................... why. they didn’t have the time to say anything interesting about it and so obviously they didn’t do it lol. at this rate lucas’ only platonic queer companion is cris, which is lackluster to say the least.

the decision of making kasim lucas’ endgame is just another one on the list of things s4 got so, so wrong. what for? why does lucas need (another) boyfriend, again? why does every queer person in this show have to be dating someone and also come out to their parents? again, their relationship is just another rushed hidden gay love story that i found interesting at 13 years old and then never again. they could’ve taken it into ANY other direction, please. i’m begging.

anyways, you had really nice headcanons of lucas being the only eskild willing to revert to date a muslim guy, so that’s the only reason why i’m open to the idea of them being a couple. in a better universe, eskam actually made a case for these two being a good couple, and i agreed with it. as it is for now, it’s just really pointless, and rooted on the fact that kasim is not a real character to begin with. so i’m OBVIOUSLY sending them to superhell <3

EMMA/ME:

standard wlw relationship that would probably get sooooo much backlash about how neither of the characters Really feel like wlw and the emma love interest being boring as fuck, tbh.

alright, now that we’ve covered all that.... should dear emma grace even end up with someone in the skamverse? maybe one of the skamau girlies, given the proximity? maybe she’ll hook up with the female eskild that i know so many people dislike? idk. emma deserves a nice love story, in the same wavelength as nora. she deserves someone who is patient, who communicates well, who establishes boundaries and asks for respect, who understands she’s not only the act of crazy party girl and there are really interesting, carefully placed layers around her. maybe someone who went through a similar situation or at the very least sits down with her and tries their hardest to understand all the things going on with her life. like... there’s something about emma dropping the accusations and then dipping to another country, away from her parents and even her hometown in the states, just to throw herself in a city as busy as nyc is, that is desperately asking to be explained and explored. in a lot of ways, emma’s story is the other side of the noora story that couldn’t be told through nora’s perspective. in a perfect universe, there’s a spinoff that takes place right between s3 and s4, where emma gets the news of how much of a shithead miquel actually is and she has to question all of that yet again, and break the sense of normalcy and comfort she had built during all those years. it would be great if that story featured her closest friendships, and a newfound love. yes i was serious when i talked about the emma grace spinoff @ movistar+

[dropintomanga]

A Look at “I Sold My Life for 10K Yen Per Year”

We all have kinds of taboo topics that reinforce what’s appropriate to talk about. Religion, money, politics, sex, etc. While these are reasonable topics to avoid addressing in many cases, there’s one taboo topic that really affects everyone. It’s death. In modern urban society, we all avoid any mention of it with good reason. Yet we live our lives to a point where we may feel that death is an appropriate way to escape.

What if you felt that way? What if you realized that life is mostly meaningless and then try to get rid of your future? A manga adaptation of a well-known Japanese novel takes a look at that possibility and how it can lead to an unexpected and profound experience for the better.

This manga, “I Sold My Life for 10,000 Yen Per Year” by Shoichi Taguchi, made me wonder about how much people matter in living a life well lived.

The series, based off a novel called “3 Days of Happiness” by Sugaru Miaki,  is about a 30-year man named Kusunoki, whose life hasn’t turned out the way it expected for him. While he was an ace student in his younger days, Kusunoki has no direction in life. He spends his days living off of part-time work. One day, while selling old books and DVDs to a secondhand shop, the owner of the shop tells Kusunoki about a place that buys your lifespan for a set price depending on how much value your life has accumulated. Kusunoki finds the place, gets a quota and sells off the 30 years of his life for 300,000 yen. He only has 3 months to live. Kusunoki is assigned an observer, a girl by the name of Miyagi, whose job is to chronicle the rest of his existence. The two would find a connection through shared experiences and the story becomes a sad and beautiful story about love in the face of certain death.

Death is scary to talk about and it makes us feel alive. When confronted with their own mortality, people tend to live life differently. They may focus more on helping other people as they want to be remembered well by those that love them. Of course, there’s a flip side where people aware of their death start to become more protective of themselves and lash out at anyone different from them. A big key to this is anxiety without any sense of reflection. The more anxious you are, the less reflective you become. Self-reflection isn’t something that’s taught very well to many people (and arguably a major reason why therapy exists).

Kusunoki starts to develop a sense of self-reflection when it comes to his past relationships. A big theme of this manga is relationships and how easy it is to lose them. 

In the first chapter, there’s a flashback of Kusunoki and a girl he liked named Himeno. Both got along with each other during elementary school as they were smart and disliked by their classmates. They made a promise to get together as a couple after their ‘20s if they couldn’t find a partner by then. One of Kusunoki’s bucket list wishes was to reunite with Himeno, which Miyagi protests. Kusunoki wants to tell Himeno how he feels and goes through a makeover. The two do reunite out of chance, but their reunion turned out to be sour. It’s later revealed that Himeno was planning to kill herself in front of Kusunoki as she wrote him a letter back in high school asking for his help, but he never responded. This ties to how Kusunoki felt about life after school. He never kept in touch with his friends from those days due to him looking down on others.

However, Kusunoki’s connection to Miyagi becomes something more than observer and subject. They both fall in love with each other. Kusunoki wanted someone to acknowledge him even if the person may not always agree with his way of thinking. Miyagi later reveals that she lost a childhood friend like Kusunoki. She empathizes with Kusunoki because of their desire for closure involving their childhood friends. Plus Miyagi loved that Kusunoki made her feel important by dragging her around to do his activities with him.

When people talk about what it means to live, they think about factors involving only the self. Get a high-paying job, getting a nice house, buying a fancy car, etc. There’s no emphasis on helping someone in need, donating money to a good cause, having an enlightening conversation, and/or making someone’s day better. Stuff that involves being around other human beings that feel insecure as much as you do.

Speaking of human beings, Kusunoki’s connection with Miyagi makes him frowned upon by his local community members. That’s because Miyagi is literally invisible to other people. When he talks to her, other people see him as talking to air. They start to think he’s insane and/or delusional. Kusunoki doesn’t care since he’s accepted his circumstances. The fun part is near the end of the series is that his neighbors start to accept Miyagi is there with him. They start to feel more optimistic and happy because they see how happy Kusunoki is. He’s enjoying life more than they are.

It made me think about someone with a serious mental illness and has delusions. They are avoided because no one understands them. More often than not, they’re labeled as dangerous to talk to. But once you’re able to talk to them and not feed too much into their delusions, you start to find how lonely they are. You realize that they’re trying to live their lives as much as you are. You realize they want some kind of connection (there’s a movie about this which covers how the mentally ill may need some kind of community acceptance to manage life). I see this with Kusunoki finally getting love from his neighbors as he deep down wanted some kind of connection that makes his life meaningful after seeing how hollow he became without the lack of emotional support. 

Kusunoki’s desire for meaningful connection can be reflective of how hard it is for adults to make friends/relationships of any kind as they get older. Asking someone to be friends feels “childish” as it doesn’t always lead to external outcomes that mark “success.” I read an article from someone who believes wanting friends in contexts outside of socializing is considered shameful. Kusunoki feels like an all-too-real example of someone who was taught that you can wing it with relationships since materialism will solve all your emotional needs.

The ending to the manga (and the original novel) isn’t exactly a happy one and it teaches some great lessons. Death comes for everyone at some point and all we can do is live life in a way that matters. However, we need acceptance of one another in order to do so. When you see how the relationship between Kusunoki and Miyagi blossomed until the end, it will make you wonder if what we really need in life is someone who’s willing to embrace our emotional vulnerabilities and continue to love us despite them. It may not be the ultimate solution, but it’s an important one to consider as there’s still am alarming amount of people who want to die because no one truly hears them.

If the world realizes how having an accepting person/community can lead to better outcomes, maybe we can go beyond just a few days of happiness into a lifetime of joy. 

[mcrmadness]

Madness draws: my dä fanart from when I had my (arts) comeback in 2018

For years I didn’t draw anything because of a personal (art crisis) and because I simply was studying and working so much I just had no energy left for arts.

In 2018 I was done with schools and studying and dropped out of the school I was in at that moment, and also the horse stable I was working at (school related stuff) was sold and closed its doors so also my work ended. For the first time in almost 5 years I was actually free. The longest holidays I had has was 3 weeks summer holiday in 2016, I think. I had another in 2017 but of that I actually was having health issues (nothing serious) for 2 weeks and then had to be in school for the 3rd one, after which I even got the flu.

So I was SO excited when I finally was free the first day of November in 2018. After I had got enough sleep and rest, I started to find my creativity again. And I started to “daydream” before falling asleep every night, I started to write fanfictions in my head and I started to draw, too. Partially it was also because for the first time in years I had an online friend I enjoyed talking with and we had similar interests, aka dä and Bela/Farin, and that inspired me a lot to draw even more - but unfortunately that friendship did not work out in the end and we’re no longer friends.

Anyway, most of these drawings are very much Bela/Farin related again because I talked about that a lot with this person and I often asked what they’d want to see and then drew it if the idea was something I could carry out.

This is not the first one I drew but maybe the 4th or so. I’m just putting this here first because it’s the most “innocent” aka not too much shippy stuff rubbed into the faces of my followers who don’t care about that. There’s 5 different drawings + 1 comic behind the read more link. All of these, apart from the comic, where drawn into my old sketchbook.

About the drawing above - I didn’t use pencil for these first ones at all yet, I just drew them with the fineliners as I was still a bit rusty as the last time I REALLY drew anything was in 2013 aka over 5 years ago from 2018, so I had to actually look at my old comics and drawings to even figure out how to draw these characters anymore. And I think the last actual time I drew in this style was in 2011 even. And that is very visible from the first 2018′s drawing I did! ↓↓↓

This is the one - and wait, I have an explanation!

So with this person I mentioned, we just constantly had this playful debate over whether Bela is “bottom” or not - and honestly I couldn’t care less about that because I no longer read any fanfics. I do write fanfics - or a fanfic - but only for myself and as an asexual I have never been interested in writing about certain themes so I never need to think about the whole top/bottom stuff anyway. I used to read smut before until I one day just realized it’s SO BORING and uninteresting to read, started skipping all smut scenes and wanted to read fluff but all the fluff was so quickly and badly written because everyone wanted to write smut only, that I was left with absolutely nothing to read. So it was the old story again: I started writing/drawing the stuff I wanted to read and see.

However, back to the top/bottom topic, I always base my opinions with everything over how things are in real life and with these guys, if you look at how they are in interviews and on stage, the dynamics are not just plain black&white. I’ve never seen there anything that would indicate that just one is “top” or “bottom” whatsoever which is why I kept saying imo they’re more like just switching if you listen to their jokes. Remember: I don’t read any fanfiction and don’t give a fuck about smut (lol at the pun) and honestly, even tho I understand those jokes they do and say on stage, I wish not to have any visuals about any of that “activity” in my head.

So, to support my “they switch!” opinion, I drew this, just for fun. And it is the official first drawing I did in 2018. I just needed to fire back bigger than I could do with simple text messages :D

***

Moving on. The person in question was very fascinated by the idea that Farin would be a vampire and not Bela (to support their top/bottom views...) which is why I drew this:

Also a very quick one, without sketching anything before drawing with fineliners. This and the first image of this post both are very small in real life actually, the signature is about the same size in every drawing so you can see from that that they are actually pretty small.

Talking of the signature: The funniest thing to me about this IS the signature. Because I was so rusty I didn’t even know how to write it anymore :DDD You can compare it to the signature in the other drawings because in them it’s better. Why it’s so funny to me is because it should say “Aada” but it looks more like “Hella” which means “stove” in Finnish.

***

Next one was something I saw in my head and wanted to draw - I think this one was also done without sketching it at first:

Kinda simple, right? :D I just wanted to draw something with heavy shadows and they’re meant to be watching TV at night. I guess it came out pretty okay.

***

The next two I drew based on one of my old fanfics I wrote years and years ago. I’m a bit annoyed that I decied to draw these into my SKETCHBOOK when I could have used just paper I use for drawing but I guess I didn’t know yet where I was going to end up with these and drew them into the sketchbook because of that. I thought I didn’t sketch these at first but I have found photos of these with sketched with pencil so that means I started sketching my drawings at this point.

So, back to the fanfic, it’s one of the longer ones I wrote (but still not that long even) and set to happen in the late 80s. There was some drama in the story because of Bela’s drug use and Farin was very harsh and Bela left altogether. For some time they had no idea where each of them were but then one very rainy night they both were on a walk at the same time and happened to stumble upon each other for the first time in weeks or so. I can still see those scenes so vividly in my head and here’s my artistic view over those scenes:

Yes. I love drawing stuff like BRICKS.

I have used my Promarkers with the second image, the paper was not the best for them which is why the black looks awful.

What comes to the image... it really annoys me to look at that because how the FUCK that is something I have drawn? And it’s legit based on something I have written. ME??? Like wtf. My aroace ass just can’t handle me writing/drawing fluff like this. I have days when I need to see fluff more than anything and then have to produce the content because can’t find it from anywhere else and my brain is simultaneously like “flufffff 8))))” and “boohoo whyyyyy how staaaaaph D:” because I am so afraid of being connected to what I draw. Like. If I draw or write fluff, it doesn’t mean I would be a romantic person nor allosexual nor alloromantic, right? Because I can also draw a comic or write a story about a murderer and it doesn’t make me a psychopath either. It’s the exact same thing.

And in fact: I had a comic book character who was called Micro the Insane Murderer because that’s what he was. Also I once wrote a story about a serial killer but she was also insane. But for whatever reason it’s much harder to show people fluff I have written or drawn than my fictional serial killer stuff... I guess people just easier assume that you’re an allo, thanks to anormativity, but usually don’t think you’re a psychopath just because your OC is :D

***

The last one is the comic that has a Halloween theme as it was around Halloween and the person I talked with still wanted to see/read something where Farin is the vampire instead. So here’s something that was my first B/F comic in 7 years. I didn’t remember how to do pretty much anything anymore and the coloring is a bit off, and I was really still just trying to figure out how to do all this again :D

At that point I think my head was still filled with fanfiction stuff so the comic also is full of (hurt/comfort) drama - and a long-ass “backstory”. You can see that from this on I have moved to more humorous stories. Sometimes I draw occassional fluffy comics when I’m really on that weird mood (usually 1-2 days/month thanks to the uterus and hormones), but my main focus is on the humour and I wish to make people laugh.

But that’s about it. I think I have now posted everything here, the newer ones I have posted here after drawing them since 2019 but this post is the “missing link” between those old old comics and the newer stuff :D Then I of course have all the other traditional art like potraits and such I did in 2009-2012 which I have never shown here. Maybe I should post those too?

[closer-stars]

It Just Takes A Little Pull - Yunho

Member: Yunho (with mentions of Mingi and Yeosang) Genre: Fluff Requested: Yes @atinyxtopia AU: High school (Prom) Word Count: 3k Content: It’s High school. Prom things. Kind of a slow start. Female reader. Boys being fun boys.  Note: I have not thought of prom since I left high school so this was an interesting thing to write. I tried my best and I hope it reaches your standards.

A part of you wished your school accepted both girls and boys, it might have saved you from spending double on events such as school fairs, fundraising events, prom. Unfortunately, you went to a school that was exclusively for girls. Yunho was also at an exclusive boys school. Truth be told, a part of you also wished that your school accepted both girls and boys just so you could see him more. Alas, you could only see him after class hours or on weekends-- at least you had something to look forward to. 

You were part of the varsity, while he was on the dance team. Both of you were a world or two apart for a good majority of your school years. You’ve heard of your fellow schoolmates fawn over his skills and face more than one. Deep down, you actually considered him your school’s representative heartthrob. The same could be said for you on his side. Boys have come to respect your skill and often talk about you in their hallways. In the end, you both knew each other by face and reputation but that’s all. 

Some of your friends have wondered just exactly how you became friends with him. It was always the same story. Yeosang’s sister was your senior captain, you crashed at her place one time, from there you met Yeosang and then you met Yunho. 

“Crap, I’m so sorry!”

“Oh my god, I’m sorry!”

Yunho and you ended up crashing into each other. Only thanking each other’s fast reflexes for being able to avoid falling over. A quick glance at each other’s face then either of you bolted in the other direction, too embarrassed to say anything else.

“Unnie, who’s the other guy? I thought you only had one younger brother?” You asked, as you towel dried your hair. 

The older female looked up at you after a moment or two, she was always a sucker for these dramas. “Hm? Oh! That’s Yunho. I think he’s sleeping over tonight since he and Yeosang has a project or something. Dunno with that kid.” She said with a shrug. 

Play it cool. “So that’s Yunho..” You mumble. You knew who he was but it was always from a distance. 

“Sang. You didn’t tell me you have a twin sister.”

The boy looked at the human embodiment of a golden retriever in surprise, a bit of annoyance on his features as he had to pause his video game. “Yunho, what are you even talking about?” 

“I saw another girl earlier??” He explained, gesturing at the direction of where he saw you.

“Dude, that’s my sister’s teammate.” Yeosang explained, mentioning your name. That’s when it clicked in Yunho’s mind. That was you. 

“She looks cool.” 

“I’m more concerned for your head if you think we look alike.” 

“Think you can introduce me to her?” 

A yell from Yeosang and Yunho looked up at him in concern. Yeosang dropped the gaming console in disappointment before turning to the male.“I’m blaming you for making me die.”

Yeosang did follow through with Yunho’s wish, after plotting with his sister that is. How else do you get insanely active people to bond? Food. Their mother had left them money for the night while she had to go on a business trip. What were the chances that the both of you would sleep over at their place on the same day? 

From that day on, the rest was history. You and Yunho were now pretty inseparable (as inseparable as you guys could be that is). The both of you would talk to each other whenever possible, much to the teasings of your friends because hey, what’s so funny? Why are you smiling while messaging something? Do you have a crush? 

You were finally one of his admirers, eventually catching feelings for him. It was hard not to and you could see why he had a fanclub or two in other schools. Did he return those feelings? You weren’t sure but you were happy with how the both of you were now. 

Fast forward a year later and the friendship has become one of the strongest friendships you have in your high school life. Both of you are now at the fated year level where the main topic of discussion would be prom. 

“Hey, do you have a prom date already?” Your best friend asks you as you ate your lunch thoughtfully. You look at her with suspicion. “What?”

“You have plans of setting me up with someone?”

“Why would I have plans? Also does that mean you haven’t asked Yunho yet?”

Your bottom lip juts out and you continue to eat, thus causing your best friend to groan. 

“My godd, you’ve known Yunho this long and you haven’t asked him?! Hey, did you even know he doesn’t entertain any of those love confessions anymore?” She complains to you. 

Confused eyes look at her for saying such things. “What does that even have to do with me?”

She shakes her head. “I’m just saying, ask him. If he’s not available then I can ask my brother, Hansol to go with you.” 

You flash an ‘okay’ sign at her, mouth full with noodles. Your free hand then reaches for your phone. 

[KKT: Dancing Doggo] Hey are you free on February 21 5PM to 10PM? It’s my prom, I was wondering if you wanted to go with me?

Your best friend watches as you compose the message and before you could even stop her, she had already pressed send for you. “Hey!” A tone of mild annoyance was clear in your voice as you try to bring your phone away from her. 

“Believe me, you’ll thank me later.” She says with such a grin, you might as well have called her the devil incarnate. Your phone buzzes almost immediately making you jump. Without another word, both of you huddle around your phone. 

[KKT: Sonic] Yeah! Of course I’m willing! Are you free also on March 6, same time? Same reasons. Hehe. 

That was when your best friend suddenly tackled you into an almost bone crushing hug. “I told you!” A hand is then placed over her loud mouth as you try to hush her. 

[KKT: Dancing Doggo] I’d be honored! It’s a deal then! :)

Maybe having to pay double for two proms wasn’t that bad then. 

The fateful day of your own prom arrives and you were actually pretty nervous about it. You’ve worn your own share of skirts and dresses but it was never this extravagant or feminine as your prom dress. A high-low skirt that starts below your knees down and ends just brushing above the floor when you’re in heels. The color matched your skin tone well, making you practically glow under the lighting. Your hair and face was all made up and to be honest, you were surprised that you could look like that under that much makeup and hair spray. A small part of you worried that the color you chose wouldn’t go well with Yunho but even before you could say your worry, he reassures you it was no problem. “Besides, if it doesn’t. I can pick the color for my prom.” He joked to you a few weeks back. Your mother takes a few photos of you before letting you go. 

You head towards the lobby that’s sprinkled with your own classmates in dresses that are just as beautiful if not more, along with a few familiar faces from Yunho’s school and others in suits that fit them nicely. You sent Yunho a message wondering where he is and just as you did so, you immediately spot him by the elevator, with Yeosang. 

“Yunho!” You call out, speeding towards the two boys and they look up at you both in shock. Your eyes lingered on Yeosang’s amusing reaction, it was rare to get a big reaction from him so having him look at you with eyes wider than him being caught eating his own sister’s food was fun. While on the other hand, Yunho was gazing at you, clearly dazed. He’s had his share of harbouring romantic feelings for you but to see you in such a dress that gracefully brought you out of your comfort zone had him at a loss for words. 

You squish Yeosang’s cheeks together much to his annoyance then shift your attention to your partner for the night. You look at his suit properly and find yourself breathing a sigh of relief. “At least I picked a color that suits you well too.” You say as you pin the boutonniere on his suit carefully. 

“Hey, I told you I’m lucky boy.” He points out as he slightly bends lower to not give you a hard time. His statement makes you hit his chest lightly. 

“Whatever, Yunho.” You return with a roll of your eyes. Yeosang excuses himself as he finally spots his prom date, who was surprisingly your best friend. “Yeosang! Tell her she owes me an explanation.” He looks at you, confused at the vague wording but knows better than to pry. He nods before making his way to her, leaving the both of you alone. 

Some of your peers slowly start to enter the venue. “Should we follow them or do you want to stay outside a little longer?” asks Yunho, turning to you. 

A small hum of thought slips through your red lips. “Let’s go! I want to see how they made the place.” You reply with an excited grin. Your partner for the night then offers his elbow for you to hook your hand to. 

“M’lady.” he jokes and for a moment he swears your giggle actually sounded cute. Your hand shyly holds on to the crook of his arm. 

“How cheesy of you.” 

“It’s prom. Might as well make the most out of it.”

He was right. For the entire night, the two of you exchange laughter and sassy remarks, ultimately becoming the life of your table (much to the embarrassment of your best friend and Yeosang. Athletes and dancers in one table might have been too much for her heart to take). He made you join the games that were sprinkled throughout the event (you guys won and Yunho wasn’t going to let you forget that). His presence was enough to make your stomach hurt from laughter. There was something in how he interacted with those around him that made them feel at ease. A small voice in your head thought of how you were perfectly fine keeping these feelings to yourself as long as you don’t lose him. The only time both of you mellowed down was during the meal proper. It wasn’t anything over the top but it was fancy enough to let you know the organizers put enough thought. 

The much awaited slow dance had come-- as if it weren’t obvious by the cheesy lightings and song choices by the DJ. Some couples have made their way to the dance floor, excited to have some sort of “moment” with their partner. You didn’t say much, being fine in your seat as you watched the others dance. This wasn’t going to pass with your partner though. In fact, he stands up first and offers his hand. You look at the hand that comes up to your view towards the owner of the outstretched hand.

“Let’s dance. We’re not leaving this place until we get to dance.” Yunho says firmly. 

“Fair warning, I don’t have feet like you do.” You return as you take his hand and stand up. 

“I got you. Don’t worry.” He reassures, flashing you that charming smile that has managed to get the girls to squeal earlier in the games. He leads you to the dance floor, guiding one hand to rest on his shoulder (thank god for heels), the other hand laced with his. His free hand then rests on your waist and for the first time that night, you felt conscious of how you looked in front of him. You had to admit, the dress, makeup and hair you had on tonight was lovely but to be under his gaze at such close distance for who knows how long has made a pink hue dust your cheeks, and you were sure that wasn’t blush. 

“Just follow my lead okay?” He says softly. His feet then slowly step to one side, letting you follow him. Just below his breath, soft enough for no one to hear but loud enough for your ears only, he counts to the tempo of the song, helping your ears tune in to what he hears. He’s done this in the past with you, with songs that he covers: all of which were fast paced. A slower paced song such as the one playing on the speakers was new to you. You have songs that you’ve shared in the past where you can pay attention to it as a whole then pay attention to what beats he catches underneath all the layers. This time though, you had nowhere else to distract yourself with. After getting the hang of the motions, you look up at him and find him gazing at you softly. “Got the hang of it?” 

You nod, trying your best not to look at his lips. He smiles again, proud of you for having done so. “We can stay like this for another song or two if you want. I know you’re tired of being in heels for the past few hours.” He reassures. 

“I’m fine. I promise. Maybe another song wouldn’t hurt.” You return. One song was enough for you to feel light headed from how close the both of you were, much more when you get a whiff of his cologne. The cloud nine feeling ends soon, with the MC letting the rest of the night be upbeat songs. You breathe a sigh of relief, wanting to give your feet a break from having to almost be on your tiptoes for the entire night. Yunho leads you out of the dance floor, and out into the lobby where the cool air helps you breathe easy. 

Some familiar faces were already outside too. From the looks of it, you could tell that Yunho also recognized them, judging from how jumpy he started to be. “Oh, Mingi’s here too huh?” He muses. Uh-oh. That meant one thing. The group was about to only have one brain cell for the remainder of the night. 

Both of you make your way to their table, the girls having the couch and the heels off their feet-- which you quickly followed once you sat down. The boys on the other hand sat opposite their side. Both having either iced tea or iced coffee with some snacks. Yunho then introduces you to the rest of his friends. You knew the girls too from another class. The rest of the night was once again filled with laughter. As some of the boys decided to try to fit their feet into the heels, some using the heels as a phone. Hell, Mingi tossed a heel at Yunho and they quickly hit the whoa. The girls, including you, found entertainment and embarrassment at their antics, even going as far as teaching them how it feels to be a girl at the worst times. 

One by one, the people in your table leave. Either to be picked up by their parents, or up into their rooms in the hotel. It was only you and him left once more. Your coffee was watered down and half empty. Yunho’s bottle of water wasn’t any different from yours. A comfortable, yet slightly awkward silence goes over the both of you. 

“Thank--

“Thanks for--”

Pause.

Laughter.

“You first-”

“You fi-”

Pause again. 

Then Yunho gestures for you to speak first. “Thank you for coming with me. I had a lot of fun tonight.” Your heart races as you speak. You hope this isn’t from the coffee and rather from the nerves of being just alone with him like this. “I’m sorry also for having you to bring me out of the venue when it was your type of music playing… I know you like to dance to those songs too..”

“I should be the one thanking you for inviting me. Even if you didn’t, I would’ve invited you to my prom.” He confesses, ears bright red as he does so. He rubs the back of his neck as he finds the next words. “Don’t worry about the music part. I can always play those songs in my free time and there’s still my prom. More chances to embarrass you too.” 

“Jung Yunho.”

“What?” He laughs at the sight of your stern face. “You know your strict face isn’t scary to me. You love me too much for that.” You hate how right he is, you also hate how he doesn’t know just how right he is. 

He looks at the clock then helps you into your heels. “Let’s get you back to your parents. They’re probably wondering where their little princess is.” He teases again which causes him to receive another whack on his arm. “What? You do look like one tonight!” You slowly push yourself to stand up. The pain of being on your tiptoes rushing back. He holds you gently, making sure you don’t wobble. 

“Easy there. I know you’re strong but even you got your limits.” He accompanies you to the elevator. 

“How about you?” 

“What about me?”

“How are you getting home?” 

He glances at you, somehow catching himself off guard with the change in distance. Why was it only now that he gets surprised by how close your face was to his. Heels really are something. 

“Oh, Yeosang and I got a room too. Are you worried about me?” He teases, batting his eyelashes at you. 

“Yunho, I swear--”

Before you could finish your words, the doors of the elevator slide open and both of you immediately enter. 

The ride up was a slow one. Both of you didn’t know that your rooms were on the same floor too, only on different sides of the building. 

Somehow, a part of you was hoping for something. You didn’t know what it was but you wanted something to happen. The same goes for Yunho. His hand immediately then holds you back gently. 

“I need to tell you something.” He says softly, his eyes downcast. Your stomach drops at his body language. Did he like someone else? Was he leading you on this whole time? 

“I actually wanted to tell you this earlier but there wasn’t really a good time for me to say it.” The words were flying a mile a minute. He could’ve beaten Mingi when it came to fastest speaker at this point. “I just really wanted to tell you that I have feelings for you. Not.. as friends but as something more.” He explains. His eyes steady on you, with no sign of his signature mischievous glint in his eyes. 

It catches you off guard, a little too lost for words because, Jung Yunho? He has a crush on you? Are the feelings mutual? He takes your silence as something else and drops his hand. “If you don’t feel the same way, that’s totally fine. We can stay as friends. I just.. Felt--”

“Jung Yunho, I like you too.” You immediately blurt out. 

His face brightens up at your words and he wraps his arms around you in relief. “We don’t have to be officially together if you want. We can just take it slow or just--” 

His lips feel nice against your own. The taste of the chocolate he ate earlier is still apparent. “You talk too much.” You say simply when you pull away and for the first time that night, he was speechless.

“I’d love to be your official girlfriend, you dumb butt.” 

“Your lucky dumb butt.”