#i would like for my exchanges to not feel like a performance to compensate for the void inside of me

[mylovesstuffs]

I just saw your requests is closed and I'm still sending requests lol SORRRYYYY but about the dino and the backup dancer maybe write it like Dino's always staring at her THEIR GAZES WITH EACH OTHER AHH yeah but he's still not asking her, they're oblivious lol and others are tired all of them all of their staffs lol maybe something like that IDK LOL could be a drabble but i fear it would be too short (i want to read more of your writings😔😔)

Oblivious Gaze — Lee Chan

Genre: Fluff (light-hearted moments), performance/stage life and idol au

Pairing: Dino × fem!reader

Content: Stage performances, Attraction, chemistry, slow burn tension (?) Awkward interactions and nervousness (particularly from Dino), teasing from other members, intimate moments shared on stage and off, the tension builds slowly and is never explicitly acknowledged by the characters (?), set during a concert, awkward shy Dino but not on stage lol, both of them are aware of the chemistry between them but neither acknowledges it outright (at least not initially), teamwork & performance, featuring Jeonghan, Joshua, Woozi and Seungkwan

Word count: 2296 words

A/N: This one sounded and tasted so artificial to me, it almost made me gag 😭. I promise, it was way better in my head, but somehow, it didn’t turn out the way I expected. I really hope it’s still okay! To the anon who requested this, I truly hope you like it. If not, I owe you one! Please feel free to let me know if you want compensation for wasting your time or if you have any other requests!

↻ If you enjoyed this, please reblog! Likes are appreciated, but reblogs help writers the most on Tumblr ♡

The lights of the concert stage were blinding, and the roar of the crowd felt almost suffocating. But in the chaos of it all, there was something even more intoxicating.

Jeonghan's voice echoed through the speakers, cutting through the air like a blade as he led the members in their final few tracks before break. The sweat beading on their foreheads, the exhaustion creeping into their limbs – none of it mattered to Dino right now.

All that mattered was you.

Your movements were fluid, almost as if you were part of the music itself. You weren't just following the choreography, you were living it. Every spin, every sharp turn, every hair flip – it was like watching art in motion, something so graceful it made Dino forget how to breathe.

From the corner of his eye, Dino could see you on stage, perfectly in sync with the rest of the dancers. Yet, every time you two crossed paths, his gaze followed without fail. A quick flick of your wrist, the way your eyes sparkled with energy—it had his heart stuttering, hands momentarily forgotten as he found himself caught in the rhythm of your movements.

There was no denying it; he was mesmerized.

But Dino, in his usual fashion, was painfully oblivious to the fact that everyone could see it. His eyes would always wander back to you as if he were waiting for something, some kind of sign or confirmation. Every time you'd glance at him, a brief but meaningful moment that only he seemed to notice, his heart would skip.

But you'd never linger. No, you were a professional, just like him.

And so, your silent exchange became the rhythm to his heartbeat. There was something familiar about the unspoken connection, something that felt both new and oddly comforting. Yet, neither of you would acknowledge it. Not yet, anyway.

Meanwhile, the rest of the members and staff were barely holding themselves together.

-

Amidst the synchronized moves, there was one moment that always made your heart skip. It wasn’t the fast-paced parts of the performance, nor the explosive moves you executed perfectly with the group. It was the moment when you, the backup dancer, were paired with Dino—your heart always fluttered.

The part in the choreography was simple yet intimate, and each time it came, your chem with him felt undeniable. You and Dino had practiced the moves together, yet each time he touched you, you couldn’t help but feel the electric tension growing between you two. The way his body moved with yours in sync was something you couldn't ignore—every breath, every fleeting touch made your stomach turn.

The cue came as the song hit its smooth bridge, the music slowing down to the sensual beat that set the tone for the choreography. You stepped into position, waiting for your part knowing that Dino would be right there with you at any moment now. His eyes locked with yours and then, the movements began.

Dino approached, his hands sliding around his waist as he slowly circled you. You mirrored his every move, the choreography deliberate but full of sensuality. As his face hovered inches from yours, you could feel his breath against your skin, your heart rate quickening. His hand brushed the back of your neck as he guided you into a turn, your body coming so close that the heat radiating from his chest almost made you lose track of the steps.

The music intensified again, and now, with his hand on your waist, he guided you through the intricate sequence where he lifted you up, your legs wrapping around his waist as he held you steady. You could feel his muscles flex under your touch as he twirled you in the air with practiced grace. His face hovered near your neck, your heart skipping at the thought of him so close, his lips almost grazing your skin.

“Careful,” you heard him whisper under his breath, voice low and intimate as you twirled. His hands gripped you firmly, the warmth of his touch sending sparks through your veins. But his grip didn’t loosen.

For the final part of the performance, the entire group was back in sync, moving and singing around you. But you and Dino were positioned at the side of the stage, his hands holding you still in front of him. The crowd’s energy was wild, but the chemistry between you and Dino was so thick that it felt like you were the only two on stage.

His gaze never left yours, the intensity in his eyes making your chest tighten. His breathing was shallow, each movement, each beat, syncing perfectly with yours. As the last notes of the song echoed, he leaned closer to you. You stood there for a moment, breathing heavily, the atmosphere around you felt thick, the tension electric. He was so close, and yet, neither of you made a move. Neither of you said a word.

And yet, as the music ended, Dino hesitated, his hand just brushing against the side of your face before he turned away to rejoin the rest of the members. But that brief touch, that lingering moment, spoke volumes.

As the performance came to an end, the members all gathered at the center of the stage, high-fiving and smiling at each other, but Dino didn’t glance away from you. And as you both caught your breath, the last thing you saw was the soft smile on his lips—hidden beneath the loud applause and cheering of the CARATs, but meaningful all the same.

-

“Dino,” Seungkwan muttered under his breath, wiping sweat from his brow as they made their way to the side of the backstage, waiting for the next segment. “We’ve been performing for hours. Can you please stop staring at her? You’ve barely said two words to her but your eyes are glued to her every move.”

Dino snapped out of his trance, quickly glancing over at Seungkwan, who was giving him a knowing, albeit exhausted, look. “Huh? What do you mean?” he asked, blinking rapidly, his mind still foggy from the mesmerizing performance.

“Seriously?” Joshua chimed in from the other side, a tired grin on his face as he slung an arm around Dino’s shoulder. “You’ve been eyeing her the whole time, and you’re not even trying to talk to her?” Joshua didn’t even need to wait for an answer before he sighed (dramatically). “You’re killing me, Dino.”

“Stop it,” Dino muttered, but it was clear he was trying to hide his flustered expression, his cheeks tinged a shade of pink that couldn’t be more obvious.

“Dino’s just shy,” Woozi teased from across the room, though it didn’t take much to see he was barely keeping his eyes open from exhaustion. “I’m pretty sure he’s too scared to talk to her.”

Dino’s face turned an even deeper shade of pink but he was too tired to even protest. “It’s not like that...” he mumbled, though his gaze still drifted back to the dancer, you, who was currently chatting with a few staff members.

And that was when it hit him.

You looked...perfect. Your tired smile, makeup slightly smudged, but your energy still unyielding, had his heart racing in ways he couldn’t explain.

“I’m serious, though, Dino,” Hoshi said from behind him, walking up with a water bottle in hand. “She’s literally been giving you eye contact for the last five minutes. What are you waiting for? Go talk to her.”

Dino froze, feeling a lump in his throat. What was he supposed to say? What would he even do? “She’s a dancer, and I’m just...me,” Dino said quietly, more to himself than to anyone else. “I don’t think she’d even be interested in me like that.”

“Dude,” Joshua started, throwing his head back with a laugh, “it’s just a conversation. What’s the worst that could happen?”

The sound of someone clearing their throat echoed through the room, and Dino snapped his head to the side, realizing that his eyes had landed on you once again. But this time, you were looking directly at him.

Your gazes locked, a moment that stretched longer than either of you expected. Your eyes twinkled in the dim stage lights, and offered him a brief but kind smile.

Dino’s heart skipped a beat. But instead of turning away like usual, he found himself smiling back. Just for a split second. And that was when Jeonghan, who was near the backstage entrance, caught the moment too.

“Seriously, Dino?” Jeonghan said, loud enough for everyone to hear. “You’re just going to stare at her like that? Go talk to her already. It’s getting ridiculous.”

The entire room went quiet for a split second, and Dino’s face flared up in embarrassment. He opened his mouth to protest, but he couldn’t. His body was already moving before he realized it. His feet carried him over to where you stood, and as he approached you, he almost tripped over his own shoes.

“Hey,” he said, voice hoarse, his stomach doing somersaults. “I—I’ve been watching you...for few weeks now, and...you’re really good.” He immediately regretted his words. Why did he have to be so awkward?

You couldn't help but smile as Dino awkwardly stammered over his words, looking at you as though he’d been caught in the act of something mischievous. Your heart fluttered in your chest. The attention felt different. The way he stared at you, as though he was finally seeing you beyond the performer’s role you’d played all night, had your pulse quickening. And when he complimented you, his voice soft and hesitant, you felt that familiar feeling stir within you. It was as if the stage lights weren't blinding you anymore, and instead, everything just fell into place.

"You're not so bad yourself, Dino," you said, trying to ease the tension that hung in the air. He looked adorable and all flustered like that.

He blinked, his cheeks turning a soft shade of pink. He looked almost like he wanted to say something more, but the words seemed stuck in his throat. You couldn’t help but notice how his hands fidgeted by his sides, the usual confident Dino was nowhere to be found. It was charming, in an oddly innocent way.

"Thanks…"

You could see how uncomfortable he felt but it only made him more endearing. You were about to ask him something to ease the awkwardness when suddenly—

"Dino!"

You both turned to look at the familiar voice. Jeonghan was standing off to the side, leaning against the wall with a smirk on his face. Behind him, you saw the rest of the members, all watching the scene unfold with amusement and curiosity.

"You’re still just going to stare at her all night?" Jeonghan teased, making everyone else chuckle lightly.

You could see Dino’s face turning an even deeper shade of pink than previously, his hands now nervously raking through his hair. He shifted on his feet, obviously torn between wanting to run away and wanting to stay.

But you weren’t about to let him squirm too much. Before you could even think about it, you stepped closer to him, your smile softening, trying to ease him.

“I don’t bite, you know,” you said with a gentle laugh, hoping to make him feel a bit less self-conscious. "I’m really just here to dance and enjoy the show like everyone else."

Dino blinked, his eyes flickering down to your face. For a moment, it felt like time stopped. The bustling backstage noise faded away, and it was just the two of you, caught in a fleeting moment of connection.

His eyes softened, and you saw something you hadn’t noticed before, a hint of a smile tugging at his lips, and then, surprisingly, he laughed, though it was soft and shy. "I guess that makes two of us then."

He just stared at you and you could feel the nerves bubbling up in your chest. But then, the sound of someone clearing their throat made both of you snap back to reality once again.

"Alright, you two," Joshua said, his voice light but with a teasing tone, "we've got to get back on stage in a few. Don’t leave her hanging too long, Dino."

You turned to look at Joshua, and then at Dino, whose gaze was still on you, though he now seemed a little more at ease.

“So...I’ll see you after the show?” he asked, the words coming out with a hint of uncertainty, as though he was testing the waters.

You nodded, a soft smile on your face. "I’ll be here. Don’t worry."

-

You couldn’t help but glance over at Dino and sure enough, he caught you looking. He smiled awkwardly but didn’t shy away. It was a small moment, but it meant something.

As the concert came to a close and everyone gathered backstage, you felt your excitement rise. It was no longer just about going back home, it was about what could happen after the concert and when Dino made his way toward you once again, this time with a little more confidence in his step, you couldn’t hold back the smile that spread across your face.

"Hey," he said, "You wanna grab something to eat after this? I mean, if you’re not too busy…"

Your heart fluttered again. He asked.

"Sure," you said, trying to keep your voice casual, but you couldn’t hide the excitement in your eyes. "I'd love to."

The connection was finally being made, slowly but surely, and with every passing second, something more than just your usual backstage routine was beginning.

And Dino? He couldn’t wipe that grin off his face as he led the way, feeling like he had finally taken that first step.

The end.

ⓘ If you made it this far, first of all, I’m impressed. Second, I’m sorry. This didn’t turn out the way I wanted and I feel like I could’ve done so much better. I swear it sounded way more natural in my head, but somewhere between my brain and my keyboard, it lost all its charm. If you didn’t like it, I completely understand, and if you did…well, I’m both grateful and concerned for your taste. Either way, thanks for reading ◜‿◝

[darkshelbyfiction]

Personal Whore (Kink Series)

Pairing: Tommy Shelby x Female Reader

Summary: This Series will explore different fetishes including an innocence kink, somnophilia, anal play, watersports, bdsm, marking, edging, and anything else you would like me to include!

In this series, you are Thomas Shelby's maid. You are innocent and shy. This is your first job. Thomas Shelby takes an interest in you and pays you to become his personal whore. He makes you have sex with him in exchange of money, every day, using perverse techniques to satisfy his needs.

PART ONE: ORAL SKILLS

"You have been working for me for two weeks now Love and you recently turned 18, right?" Thomas questioned and you nodded timidly, nervous about what might come next.

"I... yes sir," you whispered softly, averting your gaze slightly out of shyness. The room seemed impossibly large and dimly lit, accented only by the flickering candlelight reflecting off the pristine white sheets upon the bed.

"Very well, that means that you are of legal age for my proposition." His voice dripped honeyed promises.

"Now let me ask you, Love... Do you know what some of the other maids here do for me in order to earn some more money?" your employer asked quietly, watching you closely.

"They perform various tasks, sir," you answered hesitantly, trying not to imagine where he could be going with this conversation.

"That's right," he said before looking at you with even more intensity in his gaze. "And do you know what these tasks entail?"

He asked, leaning closer, his proximity sending waves of anxiety through your body.

"Well," you began cautiously, choosing your words carefully. "Sarah said that, occasionally, she would touch you down there," you blushed, feeling mortified at having revealed such intimate information, albeit indirectly. You noticed a flash of excitement in his eyes when mentioning sensitive areas—a sign that perhaps this wasn't all just talk?

Thomas nodded thoughtfully, his expression unreadable as he processed your response. Then he rose gracefully from his seat, moving deliberately toward you like a predator closing in on its prey. It felt odd being so close to someone with whom you had worked for almost two months without any physical contact beyond casual banter.

"She occasionally touches me, yes," replied Thomas, maintaining eye contact. "But it isn't always required – merely desired. So I wonder, my dear, how far would you go for some extra compensation?" He smirked subtly, inviting himself deeper into the territory where you were reluctant to venture.

The heat of the moment caused you to feel flustered and uncertain as you attempted to gauge the severity of Thomas' intentions. Your heart raced faster than ever before, threatening to escape your chest as sweat glistened lightly along your brow.

"You want me to touch your pe..., uhm, you know...down there..." your voice trailed off, unable to find the courage to say the word 'penis'. Thomas smiled reassuringly, appreciating your discomfort as he realized you hadn't quite grasped the extent of his proposal.

"Yes, sweetheart. I want you to touch my cock and, maybe, one day, you will even take it in to your mouth or let me put it into your pussy, eh," Thomas stated confidently while running his hand across your cheek, causing involuntary shivers to run up your spine.

Your face colored deeply with embarrassment, though it also held an undeniable hint of curiosity. While your desire to please and satisfy your newfound benefactor burned intensely, something inside you screamed that taking things further than simple caresses went too far - yet another layer of turmoil added to the complex relationship unfolding between you both.

Having sensed your inner conflict, Thomas chose to approach the subject tactically.

Slowly, tenderly brushing aside a lock of your hair, he asked: "How does that make you feel, sweetheart?" His tone betrayed no judgement or impatience, instead offering understanding and acceptance. "Do you think you can handle that sort of responsibility?"

You trembled underneath his gentle ministrations, torn between fear and arousal, struggling to process your rapidly evolving feelings towards your once strictly professional superior.

"I never even seen a man's private parts before, sir. I was saving myself for marriage, but some extra cash would sound nice too," Your statement came out as a quiet plea for guidance, a confession of ignorance that exposed your vulnerability.

"Well, for what it's worth, no one would ever find out, Love. Not even your future husband," Thomas said and there was a sinister edge to his tone.

"I know that you are a good catholic girl, but sometimes it is worth doing bad things for the right incentive, wouldn't you agree?" Thomas said before he decided to lay bare his plans for you. "So, listen very carefully. If you agree to carry out these tasks, then I promise you that I will give you double your usual wages for the duration of your employment. In addition, I will give you £500 for your virginity and loyalty. How does that strike you?"

Stunned and bewildered, you stared at him in disbelief. Double your pay for doing things you didn't understand fully and parting ways with your cherished purity – your whole world suddenly seemed to spin wildly out of control. Yet despite the magnitude of the choices facing you, one thing remained clear: continuing as your present self would lead to financial ruin.

With tears swelling in your eyes, you found yourself considering Thomas' offer, wondering whether surrendering everything you believed in truly amounted to nothing less than selling your soul. Still, it was difficult to resist the lure of instant prosperity, particularly given the dire straits you faced otherwise. As you struggled internally, Thomas watched patiently, waiting for you to decide. Finally, with a heavy heart, you made your decision.

Nodding solemnly, you declared, "Alright, Mr. Shelby, I agree, but I need you to triple my wages and add another £500 for my virtue."

With an approving smile curling at the corner of his lips, Thomas conceded, "Agreed. I will triple your wages and pay you a lump sum of £1,000 for your precious purity," your employer said before unbuckling his belt without bothering to remove the rest of his clothes.

"Understandably, you may need time to become comfortable enough to execute these duties adequately, so I shall start you off slowly," Thomas explained calmly before unzipping his pants and thereby exposing his erect member. Despite your reservations, you couldn't help but notice the size and firmness of his cock as he pushed down his pants halfway. 

"It doesn't look so scary, does it, Love?" he murmured, his voice holding an undercurrent of amusement, attempting to ease your apprehension as he reached for your hand, guiding it tentatively towards his penis. With an anxious breath, you followed his instruction, marveling at the weightiness of his organ, still unsure of exactly what he expected from you.

As your fingers traced delicate patterns over his length, you discovered small nubs on the underside, eliciting a deep groan from him. Uncertain about your progress thus far, you glanced upwards briefly to catch sight of his reaction, finding satisfaction etched upon his features.

"See, Love, we're making headway already," Thomas commented gently, encouraging you with warmth.

Despite your lingering apprehensions, the confidence exuded by your master proved infectious, allowing you to relax somewhat and follow the path laid out before you.

Inch by inch, your exploration continued until you encountered the tiny knobbiness located near the base of his organ. Upon stimulating it, Thomas' moans grew louder, confirming your suspicion that you had struck gold.

Encouraged by this success, you bravely moved onto his sacrum, discovering that a soft ticklish patch accompanied it. Smiling sheepishly, you proceeded to explore the area thoroughly. After satisfying yourself with a leisurely tour, you finally turned your attention back to the main event – his impressively throbbing phallus.

Feeling emboldened, you took hold of the tip, applying a slight pressure that resulted in a low grumble emitting from Thomas.

Taking hold of your hand again, he positioned it correctly, demonstrating proper technique. Encouraged by his expertise, you mirrored his movements and gradually increased the strength of your strokes, matching his fervent pace.

"That's it, love! Keep going!" he urged, his hands now wrapped tightly around yours before making a somewhat unusual request.

"How do you feel about taking my cock into your mouth, Love?" Thomas whispered huskily, watching your every move closely.

"You want me to do what?" you asked, still feeling uneasy about performing such acts. The mere idea sent waves of nervousness coursing through your body, prompting your limbs to quiver.

"I want you to practice sucking my cock, Love," Thomas insisted matter-of-factly, a commanding authority evident in his tone.

Swallowing hard, you hesitated for a brief moment before asking timidly, "Like a lollipop?" 

"No, not like a lollipop, Love," Thomas replied, his words filled with amused indulgence. "Just wrap your lips around the head first and start by licking off my pre-cum. Trust me, it won't be as terrible as you might imagine."

His assurance did little to alleviate your anxiety, but nonetheless, you nodded obediently.

Gingerly, you took his thick shaft into your small hands, immediately experiencing a strange mixture of revulsion and fascination.

Carefully lowering your head, you pressed your tongue to the engorged head, savoring the salty taste of his precum.

"There you go, sweetheart. Lick around the ridge just above the hole," Thomas instructed you kindly, clearly aware of how intimidated you were feeling.

"That's a good girl," he told you and, just as you obeyed his directive, your fingers simultaneously worked to stroke the entire length of his impressive manhood.

"Now take me in your mouth, sweetheart. As far as you can," Thomas commanded authoritatively, his voice full of raw demand as, with trembling fingers, you complied, opening wide to accommodate his girth.

"Beautiful," Thomas breathed, appreciating your attempt before holding onto your hair and pulling slightly to guide your mouth deeper down on his erection.

As your lips grazed the sensitive skin beneath his glans, a wave of dizziness assaulted you, leaving you gasping as you tried to regulate your breathing.

"There you have it, sweetheart, take it all," Thomas directed firmly, pressing your mouth harder against him. Gulping reflexively, you felt the foreign object filling your mouth, causing your cheeks to bulge comically.

"I will fuck your throat now," Thomas muttered roughly, thrusting himself further into your open mouth, causing you to gag involuntarily. Your eyes watered with the unexpected intensity of sensation. But even amidst the choking panic, something inside you recognized an undeniable thrill.

Thomas held you firmly in place, ensuring you maintained eye contact throughout the experience. As your struggle to maintain control intensified, so did his aggressiveness.

"Good girl," he growled approvingly when you managed to adapt quickly, albeit tears streaming down your face and saliva dripping from your chin.

His cock now nestled comfortably within your tender throat, Thomas began moving faster, building momentum. His touch became more forceful as you submitted to his demands blindly, consumed by newfound passion.

"Do you know what happens to a man when he orgasms, Love?" Thomas asked teasingly, raising an eyebrow playfully as he continued to use your mouth and throat for your pleasure. 

Confusion crossed your face, unable to discern the meaning behind his inquiry as you shook your head.

"Well, when I cum, seed will spill out from my cock right into your eager mouth," Thomas clarified casually while fondling your wet cheek. "Are you ready for that?"

Your brow furrowed, processing the implications of his statement. It dawned on you that your role as his sexual submissive required complete submission, including receiving the ultimate release from your employer.

You nodded silently, acknowledging your willingness to accept whatever fate awaited you. And as Thomas' hips started bucking violently, indicating his imminent climax, you steeled yourself, preparing for the inevitable outcome.

"Good girl. I want you to swallow my load completely," Thomas ordered, his voice rough with anticipation as he thrusted in and out of your throat. Without question, you opened wider, bracing yourself for the sudden explosion. As Thomas' hips jerked forward, releasing a torrent of hot semen directly into your gaping mouth, you could barely contain your shock. The searing liquid burned your throat, stinging fiercely, but you endured, determined to satisfy your master. Consequently, Thomas let loose a powerful roar, his muscles tensing powerfully, as his body convulsed in ecstasy.

Pulling away from your tender mouth after the volley was spent, he looked deeply into your eyes, searching for any signs of resistance or regret. Finding none, a satisfied smirk formed across his lips. "Very good indeed, Love. Now open your mouth and show me your tongue once again," commanded Thomas, placing one palm on either side of your face. Submissively, you parted your lips to expose your reddened tongue, waiting patiently for further orders. "Keep practicing, because soon you'll be giving me blowjobs regularly until, in two weeks or so, I will fuck this virgin pussy of yours," he informed you confidently, running his finger along your neck, arousal evident in his gaze.

Understanding implicitly that your services would extend beyond the confines of today's encounter, you silently accepted your fate without protest.

After all, despite the humiliation and unfamiliar experiences you underwent, there remained an inexplicable allure. Something about submitting entirely to the desires of another piqued an unidentifiable desire deep within you, stirring feelings that seemed almost forbidden. In time, perhaps these indistinct yearnings could evolve into something concrete and tangible. For now, however, you must focus solely on perfecting your skills as Thomas' personal pleasure provider and you soon learned that his requests are more than just a little unusual. 

[lurkingshan]

Unknown Episode 11

Well, let me get this out of the way upfront. This episode brought us to the big moment we've all been waiting for, the final turn in Yuan and Qian's relationship--and unfortunately, it didn't quite land.

I've been sitting with this episode, contemplating my disappointment with the first sequence, and I think it comes down to this show that has been so assured and confident through most of its run faltering at the crucial moment and seeming to lose faith in its own storytelling to the point that it used editing tricks to compensate. The choice to chop up and sequence this narrative lynchpin of a scene out of order is baffling, and it's a choice that significantly stepped on the most important emotional climax of the story. I was confused to go from the conversation outside to a sudden kiss, then disappointed when we cut back to a very short exchange between Qian and Yuan that was supposed to provide the basis for this turn with only some thin dialogue that didn't connect the beats of the scene, and then into an intense sexual encounter (that was constantly interrupted by repetitive flashbacks) that should have felt like a triumphant and revelatory moment but didn't because of the way we got there.

I know I'm not the only one feeling that way, since folks have been creating and distributing reedited versions of the scene, and Youku actually uploaded a new version free on YouTube with all the flashbacks removed (a clear move toward fan appeasement after the show received a lot of negative feedback on the scene). The editing and the flashbacks were annoying, but honestly the fundamental problem was the scene they wrote did not sufficiently sell the change for Qian--he goes from saying he is still not certain what he wants to being ready to be dicked down in a couple minutes' time, with nothing in the exchange providing any new information or impetus for the shift. The performers did great work but unfortunately the writing and directing and editing decisions around this sequence were just bad; it's frustrating for this to happen with arguably the most important scene of the romance.

A note about the novel: the way this final turn happened there was quite different and, candidly, better in just about every way, from the impetus for the change to the beats of the revelation to the progression of physical intimacy on a pace that felt much more attuned to the emotional complexities at play. I do not know why the show did...this when they had better source material content to work with, but here we are. I absolutely recommend that anyone who loves this show read it!

So, with that disappointment expressed, on to the rest of the episode, in which Yuan and Qian settled into their couple era. I was deeply amused by Qian taking to their sex life like a moth to a flame to the point of daydreaming in meetings, but I do wish the episode had focused more on the natural tension and role confusion that should have resulted from this huge shift in their relationship. They touched on that a bit in the scene where Yuan asked Qian if his hug was from his brother or his boyfriend, but they didn't delve into those complexities in the way I hoped they would. I enjoyed their date at the local restaurant (and loved their friendly neighborhood gangster helping to set the mood) and how much it felt like they were surrounded by their history as they moved through all of these familiar locations where they've had important moments. I didn't much care for the insertion of the health scare plot or the time spent on Le and the doc, though I'm always happy for more Sam Lin even if it comes in the form of a weird late stage and wholly unnecessary ship.

My favorite scene between Yuan and Qian in this episode was far and away the discussion on the stairs with Qian reflecting on his fears of becoming more like his mother and Yuan biting him to snap him out of his fatalistic attitude (this felt like such a classic Priest tribute, she always has biting in her romances). It was a helpful re-centering of what they do for each other and why Yuan is an important presence in Qian's life. I didn't think we needed the health scare for Qian, but I did love Qian choosing to go to this place where he found Yuan to contemplate his life and what matters, with Yuan in turn reflecting that even though he's seen a lot more of the world now, he still prefers to come home to this street. I found that exchange so moving and I think it was important for Qian to hear that.

And that scene led to my other favorite thing in this episode, which was everything to do with Lili and her bond with her brothers. I teared up to see her standing against the wall where Qian has measured their growth talking about the sneaky ways she would try to care for Qian when they were younger, with San Pang listening attentively and gazing at her adoringly. It was such a small moment, but a really lovely window into their relationship dynamic and the shared history they also have together. And when Yuan and Qian came in hand in hand and she just ran to them and offered up her love and acceptance, I felt so much warmth for this family and everything they've survived together.

[crystalelemental]

Figured since I've been playing Etrian Odyssey games, I'd do something silly. Tier list of the classes. This isn't strictly by their combat performance, although at times it factors in, but rather it's more about the classes I like a lot.

F-Tier

Fortress. This is intra-tier ranked, so we'll start at the bottom. Tanks in EO tend to not be great when their focus is pure defense, and in EO4, you lose the skills that block elemental attacks in exchange for middling damage. Hooray. Garbage class.

Yggdroid - I'm so sad about it, but Yggdroid is just so bad. Despite being a tree robot, it just has nothing going for it. Admittedly I don't even love the designs. I dunno, not a fan.

Necromancer - Wraiths suck, and Necromancer sucks. I cannot find a single skillset in this class that I actually think is good. The one (1) thing people talk about is "Make a 9999 HP Wraith and deal 9999 damage." Which requires too much, and conflicts with better ally row summons. It sucks.

D-Tier

Gladiator - Awful design, bit more competent as a fighter, but I'll never use it. Better as a sub-class than a main.

Landknecht (1) - I will never play EO1 again, but in EO2, why would you ever run this? Even in the remakes, I feel like Landy is just so boring.

Nightseeker - Has some fun skills, a bit of a status option, but really not my favorite by any means. I don't like the costume choices, this happens often.

Beast - I've never run one. It might be fine? But I dunno, it never clicked. It should be more interesting to me but I find it hard to project a personality onto the animal.

Medic (4) - This is a holdover class. Medic exists to carry you until sub-classes, where you instead turn them into an Arcanist and slap sub-Medic on it for an objectively better medic.

Wildling - Should be cool, I like the status/bind focus, but it got hit so bad by the bind nerf. EO2 made binds too strong, so they made you need to summon something to apply, and it's a huge skill point sink with bad damage and little utility. Postgame lets it do some stuff because you have skill points, but I never respected it.

Alchemist - Boring standard mage. Nothing too interesting to me at all.

Masurao - Way too high-risk high-reward on the damage output class, but Blade Master feels like it does absolutely nothing. I know there's Helm Splitter on petrified foes, but that is asking a lot for pretty middling damage.

C-Tier

Survivalist - Good gathering skills, I'm tempted to use them because I like archers, but they tend to lack much combat use. Generally non-preferred.

Ronin - I do not like stance skills. EO2 lets them be really good damage dealers, but I still don't love them, admittedly.

Protector - Boring knight class. Has elemental negation skills so they're really useful to near-mandatory depending on the situation. Still feels kinda bland.

Rover - Sadly, not good. Hawk rover suffers from taking too long to hit the nuke attack, which doesn't do enough damage to offset that delay. It offers too little outside of that as well. Hound is an okay healer but lacks consistency.

Bushi - Bushi is a cool animal person design, and the concept behind them is a bit more fun? They're not all-in on losing defense, using two weapons instead. My main issue is that...well, they don't do much to compensate. They have strong basic attacks and the threat of killing themselves with their own buff. I don't actually like them too much, and never got them to work, which is a shame because look at it!

Monk - I should love Monk, but I've never used it. Princess sub-Monk is the way to go. They'd be fun if their punch skills did goddamned anything, but they're so weak.

Farmer - Really cute, really effective gathering skills. No combat ability, but unlike Survivalist, kinda actually makes up for it on raw field utility.

Medic (1) - Immunize in EO1 is really funny, and in classic EO2 War Magus has no revive skill so...Medic winds up being needed. It's kinda bland, standard healer though.

Arbalist - No TP, sorry, can't use skills. Front Mortar is good damage but you get to use it like twice without healing items, and the elemental bolts suck as an alternative to magic. Really not impressed.

Warlock - Elemancer is fine, Omnimancer sucks. Mages also tend to be really bad in EO by endgame. In fact, I'd say in Atlus games broadly, magic just winds up sucking ass in most cases.

B-Tier

Ninja - I haven't ever found a use for main Ninja. It's a better sub-class than main. Just no damage output, and anything it can try to do is often done better by the other class being main with sub-Ninja. Does conserve TP, so there are a few wins, but those rely on removing Charge.

Buccaneer - Pincushion is all you're good for. It's a damn good thing to be good for, but still.

Botanist - Probably the saddest case for me. The healer route is classic healing that's pretty boring, but the Graced Poisoner should be right up my alley. It's a great idea, I love a good status bot, and they keep revive as a skill! Unfortunately, while good for conditional drops, they offer nothing in a real fight. No team-wide healing is somehow worse than no revive, and status rarely impedes a major boss the same way it impedes a mob. It's basically a dead slot in boss fights, which is really sad. Still love it, though.

Troubadour - Fun buff class. Can set elemental effects that reduce elemental damage to offset need for a Protector, and applies elemental damage to weapons to offset the need for a mage. Unfortunately, I like Gunner a lot, but removing Protector is an option I guess. Hard to slot in, is my point.

Dancer - Much easier to slot in. Loses the elemental stuff, because elemental damage is everywhere in EO4, but I always really liked the buffs, and their Chase Samba is critical to my most devastating composition in any EO game, so I'm fairly attached. Also I just really like her hair, it's super pretty.

Brawler - The bind-centric master class is divine, excellent damage and utility I rarely see. The pure damage one is another high-risk high-reward that I don't like, but can be set up to one-shot the superboss. Which is more fun to watch than to do.

Fencer - A class I love the design of, and should love the concept of more than I do. Dodge tank Fencer is bad. Like, really bad. It can be good with the right team support, though! And chain Fencer is...also bad. Chains are a lot more demanding than Links, so it's a lot harder to make it work. But it can be really good with the right setup! One of the few relatively simple superboss clears I had once we had a team entirely dedicated. Fencer runs off its team in a way that is too restrictive to be a top tier, but I do really love the concept of the fencer's skills

Zodiac - Cooler mage, just has a good aesthetic. Still falls off in endgame. But also has Charge Meteor, and Muscle Wizard set with that Ice attack from Gladiator that relies on TEC.

Samurai - Really cool design, huge fan of her. Dual swords isn't quite as high-risk as other classes lower ranked, but it does hinder her. I think sub-classing kinda saves it, with the sub-Ninja thing for massive evasion with TP recovery, and AoE attacks that can clear mobs with 5-Ring Sword to truck bosses. Takes a long time to get going, though, and 5-Ring Sword is just insanely RNG dependent.

Hoplite - Really sturdy tank in a game that needs a really sturdy tank. Hoplite comes in and does its job, but I'm not particularly dazzled by its job. It's an essential option, but I find that more constraining than I'd personally like.

A-Tier

Imperial - Cool heavy armor unit with super big burst elemental damage, adore the concept. The management of drive blade cooldown is a little finicky for me, and I really hate that it's effectively unusable for like 80% of the game, but it's a fun consideration to double back for if you get to a level 70 retirement.

Hexer - I love a good debuff class, and Hexer offers a lot of the fun utility I'm after with a combination of debuffs and status. The team can get a little passive with a Medic on board, but still.

Shaman - Buffs are another big thing I like, and Shaman offers some fun ones. I actually rank it this high because of the punisher class, giving everyone elemental affinities and then popping an opponent to debuff. Either master class can do this, but punisher can re-apply your buff as needed, which gets some great setup.

Dragoon - Buster Cannon is Front Mortar but good. Better TP conservation, way higher damage (in my experience), but also you are a massive tank who summons other tanks to draw aggro that boost your damage when they're hit. Dragoon is just so much fun with the Cannon. Shield Bearer leaves a lot to be desired, but is essential for Masurao or damage Pugilist.

Sniper - I love archers, I love binds, Sniper just gets me. And it's the only source of Scavenge in a game with pretty low drop rates!

Landsknecht (4) - Okay, we are officially in the Fun Zone. Landy from EO4 has Links, which deal elemental damage to an opponent as a follow-up to other strikes. In EO4, this is the dominant meta, because it counts per hit from an opponent, allowing Sniper and Runemaster's multi-hit strikes to combo. It also means Dancer's Chase Samba with a dual-wielding Dancer and Nightseeker can just chain combo like a billion attacks and shred the superboss on the first turn you attack. Delightfully fun class that has become very over-centralizing for me.

War Magus - By concept alone I love it. EO2 is kinda yeah sure whatever, lack of revive makes them ill-suited to healing, but the remake. Oooooh the remake. Revive spell, effective double casting, and the glorious Ailment Slash to combo with Hexer. War Magus goes nuts in EO2U, and is a big part of what puts it up here. I just love that class so much.

Dark Hunter - Another just excellent class all around. Binds are great, good damage, very similar in structure to Pugilist, BUT! Critically. Has actually excellent damage output with Ecstasy. Also, listen, Dominatrix Class that mains whips and uses binds into skills like Ecstasy and Climax? That's great, that's super creative, 10/10.

S-Tier

Harbinger - By raw combat potential, Harbinger is kinda whatever. It has good abilities for most of the game, but I feel like it's very specifically ass against the superboss, which is the major concern of every run I do. However. This is such a cool concept. Grim Reaper style frontliner with excellent debuffing or status potential, both of which flow into either good single-target or AoE damage output. It's so much fun.

Gunner - Really cool concept for a mage, I love this idea. Excellent design, too. EO2U once again bringing the best of the class with Burst Shot, a skill that hits for all elements, prioritizing damage off of whatever their weakness is. Finally, a reasonable means of defeating the elemental dragons with their own element.

Runemaster - Runemaster is actually the class that first got me invested in this series. I adore that design, and I love a good mage. And fortunately, Runemaster gets to be good all game, because for the fist time maybe ever, an Atlus game doesn't have a postgame where everything is hyper resistant to elemental damage and still have actual weaknesses. Meaning Runemaster puts in legitimate work. It's a bit of a standard mage class, but it's so, so fun to me.

Princess - Top two are pretty close, but far and away the best. Princess (no, not Sovereign) is a buff bot. Which uses heavy armor. And heals. And has elemental affinities. And is also a TP battery, recovering TP when she buffs herself and when buffs wear off. Princess rules. It's such a pretty design, it's such an effective class, and it does all the stuff I love.

Arcanist - But I do still love Arcanist more. Circles are ridiculous. Binds, status, and healing, all in one action. Combo with sub-Medic for passive recovery after battles and you've created a healer that is actually interesting. Go team. What sets it over Princess is the actually effective untyped spell that can truck enemies with high resistances across the board. Looking at you, Pumpkin fuckers. Princess can remove enemy buffs, which is definitely valuable! But Arcanist's nonsense is just even more fun to me.

[yuseirra]

If the way I view him is correct,

Kamiki actually wants to exchange his life for Ai and die in her place and have her be reunited with their children. He loves them all.

The reason he's been doing whatever he's been doing is not just for Ai, it's for the twins too. He doesn't really care about his OWN happiness. He just wants Ai to live and live alongside with their children and he'd be okay with him being out of the picture like how it always were, that's what I think.

If you examine the lyrics for Mephisto (which I concluded is written from his point of view) the speaker does not care about their life. They want to bring their lover back, but they don't even dream of being together with them, (giving their life away for someone means THEY'D die instead and that's... really far from staying together or being reunited with said person) and this actually is fitting to the narrative because he believed Ai never loved him back. He just assumed everything would be better if he dies instead of her. He thinks Ai's life holds much more value than his own (and maybe that's why he tries to make his life "bear more weight" because his life cannot compensate for hers just yet.)

Why be so desperate to bring back someone, if they can't enjoy the reunion? Well, 1. he's ridden with guilt and he believes Ai died because of him so he wants to fix that, 2. he also thought she wouldn't want to see him(if you devalue yourself that much, you tend to overlook the obvious-the fact that Ai actually called him to visit her and the kids- and believe they would hate you) 3. She left their babies behind...

If Kamiki has some fatherly feelings as he claims, (I keep saying this but this is true. Ai wanted to raise her kids with him and those visions she had, I feel they would be pretty accurate of how he could have been. He treats his children with tenderness when he comes to meet them and is actually pretty attentive to their wants. The reason he didn't get close to them was probably because he was really unsure of himself/self-hatred/thought Ai wouldn't want him near their kids/He's going to die anyway if he goes through with his plans)He'd want the twins to have their mother back.

So... I doubt that he wants to hurt Ruby or Aqua. It's honestly really far from what Ai would want too, and he WANTS TO DO SOMETHING FOR AI. He can't be that delusional that she'd want to live in exchange for Ruby's life or whatever.

If this line of thought I have about him turns out to be true, He's going to be immensely hurt if his children believes he's capable of using them or killing them for his own good, because they're also people he's willing to give his life for, as well as he'd be for Ai.

This guy has no reason not to love the kids Ai's left behind. In fact, I think he'd be proud of them. I bet they gave him some happiness, as he watched them on TV and made their debut as celebrities. I think he was really proud of Ruby when she's said she's going to surpass Ai, and he sent bouquets to Akane after learning she was Aqua's girlfriend from the TV shoots with the intent of, "take care of my son well"... If you think of it. Kamiki also performed in the Lala Lai theatrical company and met Ai there... He could have felt it as a nice coincidence that Aqua met his girlfriend the same way he did. That's something I'D feel pretty melancholic about, I'm sure he felt that way.

This guy loves his kids. They are what Ai and he have together. He refers to them as "our children", so he associates the twins with Ai AND himself and that cannot be anything negative since he LOVES her from the bottom of his heart. I'm sure must have been caring about them all along from afar.

He's in this to make their little family return to it being "perfect" the way it was (and his view of it DIDN'T include him, being the depressed and miserable state of mind he is, which is WHY he was so surprised when he saw Ai say she WANTED him to be with her as she raised their kids, he HAD NO CLUE SHE WISHED HIM WITH HER.) and he doesn't mind dying in the process. That's how I see him for the time being.

He would have been a good dad. Ai is right. I take Ai's interpretations of him as the most accurate ones when it comes to this character, she's the one who saw through him and claimed "they're the same" and decided to have children with him and said as far as "wanting to live forever" with the man. And as a "father", I feel like he'd be able to sacrifice himself for his children's welfare as well as being able to do the same for Ai. He has many reasons to be desperate about bringing Ai back. He didn't even want to live alongside her!!!! Then what would that mean? He wants to give his children their mother back, the mother that he feels responsible for having taken away from them from the mistakes he's made!!

So, that's my theory for today :)

it's really sad when you think about it?? he's doing a lot for Ai but he never even thinks he deserved to live with her, to have his own happiness. That's why Ai wants to save him. He never values himself too high and is too ready to throw himself away.

[greenplumbboblover]

Looking at your Downloads page, I see you have a section entitled "Terms of Uses", in which you have numerous restrictions on how players may use your CC. I was wondering where you think you get the right to restrict usage of your material, since EA owns all rights to anything made for Sims games. Additionally, and in particular, the Sims 3 EULA specifically says that there can be no restrictions on how players use each others CC (section 2B4). Why do you think these laws don't apply to you?

Hey there,

First things first: I get why people ask others about this. I really do. But I think we sometimes forget that, TOUs, from a *legal* perspective, are incorrectly set up. (with other words, even with my TOU, I could technically never send a DMCA claim as the setup is incorrect).

We shouldn't forget that creator TOUs are there from a more morally correct perspective. My personal feelings on people just grabbing my items, especially meshes I meshed without asking, and then claiming as their own is just a dick move. Whether the EULA allows it or not. In the end, we're a community. Not a company.

Conversions on the other hand, that i've done (which my TOU does say) you can do all you'd like with it, as I don't own those meshes/textures at all. All rights reserved there.

Now, diving into the contract:

Section 2B4 says the following:

B. Contributing Content through The Sims 3 Launcher (Emphasis on LAUNCHER here)

(...) 4. In exchange for the right to use content contributed by other users through the Software, when you contribute content through the Software, you expressly grant to other users of the Software the non‐exclusive, perpetual, transferable, worldwide, irrevocable right to access and use, copy, modify, display, perform, and create and distribute derivative works from, your contributed content in connection with the Software, and to distribute and otherwise communicate your contributed content as a component of works that they create using the Software, for example, The Sims lots or The Sims videos, without further notice, attribution or compensation to you. You hereby waive any moral rights of paternity, publication, reputation, or attribution under applicable law with respect to EA’s and other players’ use and enjoyment of such content contributions in connection with the Software.

(SOURCE: https://media.contentapi.ea.com/content/dam/eacom/en-us/eula/eula-the-sims-3-row-pc-11-2015.pdf)

The way I, personally, understand it, and I read Copyrighting & Rights documents A LOT for my work and often confirm my findings with a third party, is:

It has to be content that's from and to the Launcher. Specifically with the exchange website in mind. We're talking Lots, Sims, Sims3pack store items. Videos recorded from TS3 > The sims 3 Launcher. Screenshots even. This is what this section specifically refers to.

The content needs to have come in a Sims3Pack specifically. Package files cannot be installed through the launcher, and therefore rules this part of the contract out as a potential illegal move. In fact, reading the full contract, it's a very gray area in said contract.

The "Software" (The sims 3) can't make meshes for you. It can't make textures, it can't make a script mod for you, but what it can make is the following within the game itself to share: Lots, Sims, Worlds (well, the TS3 Worlds EULA would come into play here, which is practically the same as TS3's), CASPart presets (So NOT CASparts), Patterns (again, TS3 Pattern tool EULA, assuming you didn't use a third party tool for this instead). Sharing "Objects" (in the sense of simply Presets), Pets and "Tattoos" (in the sense that, within CAS, you save your "Layered" tattoos and then share it on the exchange). With other words, the things you download OR share from/to the exhange, but not limited to third party websites, where the content also has to be installed through the Launcher. Those are the people you want to talk to, when they're complaining that people are modifying their Sims3packaged Sim/Lot. I'm the wrong target for this EULA honestly and sending this ask to.

In fact, just to do other people some favours, let's go through the whole Section B in a summarised, humanly readable way (Remember this is for the LAUNCHER)

EA/Origin account grants you the ability to download/upload from and to the launcher and it's websites (The Exchange for example)

Don't upload copyrighted stuff to the Exchange. EA has the rights to remove them then.

EA can use your lots/sims/presets of CASparts/objects in their promotion materials. As well as your images and videos even. You automatically grant permission to this once you share it to an EA website. (The Exchange)

See above.

The part that I do find interesting, and I know TS2's EULA had the same thing, is the following (I bolded the interesting part):

2. Intellectual Property Rights and Ownership. A. Reservation of Rights. You have purchased a limited license to the Software and your rights are limited to the license grant above and subject to this License. You may not otherwise copy, display, distribute, perform, publish, modify, or use the Software or any component of it. You are prohibited from making a copy of the Software available on a network where it could be used or downloaded by multiple users. Except as expressly licensed to you herein, EA and its licensors, as applicable, owns and reserves all right, title and interest in the Software, and all related data, characters, themes, objects, storyline, images, photographs, graphics, animations, video, music, text, and the associated copyrights, trademarks, moral rights and other intellectual property rights therein. This License is limited to the intellectual property rights of EA and its licensors in the Software and does not include any rights to other patents or intellectual property. Except to the extent permitted under applicable law, you may not decompile, disassemble, reverse engineer or created derivative works of the Software by any means whatsoever. You may not remove, alter, or obscure any product identification, copyright, or other intellectual property notices in the Software. All rights not expressly granted herein are reserved to EA

Now, you may think the term "Created Derivative works" must mean specifically modified meshes, but I'm guessing this was actually put in for in case someone is modifying Speed tree trees.

Besides, the meaning is:

Derivative work refers to a copyrighted work that comes from another copyrighted work. Copyrights allow their owners to decide how their works can be used, including creating new derivative works off of the original product.

Regarding the part of software modification: Third-party tools (such as S3PE) would seriously edge the line here, contract speaking. They don't have disassembled/reverse engineered code of the "Software" but they do create a copy of the content(s) in memory. (Think: meshes, textures, reading of package files)

The contract, however, is in this section extremely vague for a court to figure out whether they also mean textures/meshes taken from the game and modified as an override.

So if I have some feedback for their lawyers who wrote this, here you go :p. Though, let's be honest, the contract is only set up with EA's services in mind. I actually think those are the huge shortcomings in this contract.

Sorry this got so long. But I've had these talks SO often, that it's getting a bit tiring.

Please PLEASE PLEASE send the contract first to a third party that has a degree in law (which I have done, to someone who does international laws & Software laws), before sending asks like these. I know you mean it out of goodwill, I really do, but it's simply incorrect the way you're interpreting it.

[winstonhenderson]

𝟏𝟗𝟕𝟓.

𝓖𝓸 𝓦𝓲𝓽𝓱 𝓣𝓱𝓮 𝓕𝓵𝓸𝔀

𝙎𝘼𝘾𝙍𝙄𝙁𝘼𝙈𝙀 𝙎𝙀𝙍𝙄𝙀𝙎

David Bowie’s Notebook

“Fame” was released. It was a busy day. We had to do some check ups for the records and sort out management. Yes, we. John decided to jump in and help me. How does he make decisions? He was waiting for me in the studio.

“Hullo.”, he plainly stated, “Want to listen to the freshest record?”

He smiled and I chuckled.

“Yeah. That would be great!”, I sat down in thought.

The song played and we carefully listened. Even though John usually looked very stoic, then he was cringing everytime he heard himself.

“I told them to iron out my voice…”, he huffed.

“I like it.”, I shrugged, “Why change something that works?”

He laughed.

“You are right.” “Let’s move onto the paperwork.”, I sighed, “This is going to suck.”

“Now, now, David. Everything is going to be fine, I’m here to keep ya company remember?”, he took one pile of papers and began sorting, “Maybe it would’ve been easier to sort this if I brought May along, though… I don’t really want to misuse her services anymore.”

I took a pile of papers and began sorting it. We sorted in silence, until I heard John.

“David, I admire your bravery.”

I was shocked.

“I could never make so many different creative personalities and then perform as them on stage.”

I stopped sorting.

“John, you are the brave one here! Your every other song is problematic and makes people rethink their actions.”

He continued sorting, stopping after a few moments.

“How do you do it?”, he looked at me.

“Hm?”

“How do you face public performances?”, he shyly brushes his hands, but quickly corrects himself and stands confidently. I was shocked.

“Why would you of all people ask me that? You are great at that! People loved your jokes in the Beatles.”

“Right, in the Beatles. And when I’m with Yoko. Can you see where the problem is? I meant alone. You do it completely alone.”, he casually explained.

“John…”, why was he so afraid and vulnerable?

 “Okay, if you want a taste of my way of performing, I can guide you through the process.”, I offered. He lit up.

“Lead the way, Mr. Stardust.”, I could hear how excited he was.

“The personas I create are to ease my fear of public performances. Nobody knows me that way. They are usually tied to my emotional wellbeing and my hobby of the day.”, I explained.

“Oh, so they are you but exaggerated.”, John smiled.

“That sounds about right.”, I chuckled, “Well, what do you feel the most, John?”

John flinched, he doesn’t share his problems that much, and when he shares them it’s usually in the form of jokes.

“I’m usually trying to be happy.”, John obviously lied.

To compensate for that I said: “Go with the opposite.”

He lifted an eyebrow and wrote down “depression”.

“Hobby of the day?”, I asked.

“Hm… What would I like to do?”, he spun around in the office chair, “I would love to write something. Maybe… Poetry, did that. Story, did that. Hm, maybe a play!”

“That’s interesting.”, my eyes widened.

“No, no, why would I write a play when I could direct one. Put on a show! That’s a great idea, a director. A play or film director.”, he got engaged. 

I got us some pens, and we laid down on the cold floor. We exchanged some ideas, he was building a narrative, while I guided him and gave him some heads up. Just like when I was learning to manage myself. He was always on hand to explain and give tips which I wholeheartedly stick to.

“So, depressed director… The budget is never enough, nor the time. A perfectionist to the core. Does everything to keep the project going.”, he frantically wrote down.

“Why would they want to keep it going?”, I asked.

“Because they, hm, value themselves through their work. Their private life is not fun. It’s a routine of daily chores and the same people that repeat over and over.”, he added.

“Same people?”, I continued.

“Low expectations for people, low standards, they can see right through their facade. Each person has their own story? Maybe they can say that.”, he became playful.

“Are you staying with they?”, I asked him.

“Huh, I didn’t even notice we were calling the character they. Let me think about it…”, he stared into a point in the studio. He abruptly stopped and looked at me.

“What do ya say, pal? Should I stick with it? Or should I go with high heels or disgusting sandals?”

Now I’ve joined the staring squad, staring deep into his eyes trying to read his sorrows. His eyes were smiling on the outside, but under the surface they looked like they were tired of everyone and everything. Tired of looking after people. Yet, something in him put up with all the problems he had to face. Something that wanted him to persevere and wanted him to be the perfect ideal all of us made him out to be. Something that controlled him like a puppet and to which he has no control over. I was reminded of Yoko, because of the controlling part, but she was never that authoritative. Maybe I should give him a chance to be authoritative in a more professional setting. He was always up to challenges and it would be a good way for him to let out his frustrations. It’s an exercise after all.

“You should go with…”

“High heels.”, both of us said at the same time.

“Glad to know you agree.”, he joked. What?

“David, you were staring for so long I didn’t know if you’d say anything so I thought “fuck it, let’s play dressup”.”, he patted me on the shoulder.

I chuckled.

“Alright, John. Now, use all of this information and take one of your songs that would suit her and sing it to me.”, I explained.

“That would suit her…”, he thought out loud.

He wrote down a list of his songs, then played around with his pencil, scribbling around.

“I don’t think my solo career suits her.”, he erased all of the songs, “But I have an idea. I’ll do something I was afraid of singing for a while, and that was never done live in the first place. Though here is no audience but alright, you’ll do.”

He became nervous.

“Are you okay?”, I asked him.

“I am fine. I’m not really looking the part so I don’t think I can sing yet.”, he chuckled.

I decided to let him go all in then.

“We should get you an interesting costume. You already dress strikingly, so we’ll go with the opposite.”

“You are correct. She just wants to work on her project- and I made up my mind- she should be a play director. The world's a stage.”

John was really getting into the process and I was so happy he felt that way, even though we weren’t serious. I looked up to him for so long, so for him to look up to me for something was so exciting!

“Style me. You are the master after all.”, he said.

“Alright.”, I joked, “We’ll not do much.”

I untied his hair, it fell too flat. I roughed it up, and it became a bit more curly and it fell naturally.

“I think I won’t use my glasses. It’s a John thing.”, he put away his glasses.

“I forgot to mention you should alienate yourself. But I think you’ve figured that one out yourself.”, I was impressed.

He turned and looked at me, swooshing his hair. It was weird looking at him without his recognizable glasses. His eyes seemed bigger and his nose smaller. That was a good decision on his part.

“I haven’t seen you with long hair and no glasses. You look so much softer.”, I admitted.

“I had long hair in the Beatles during the early years.”, he argued.

“It was tied back.”, I was doing his eyebrows and noticed I was scraping some gunk away. Was it some kind of makeup or something… No, no, I’m overthinking things. He became quiet. He had a small stubble that could easily be covered. I thought it would poke out a bit, but no, it blended in perfectly. It was quite soft… I thought he could just take off some stuff and he would have a character.

“What makeup do you want?”

“Oooh, I know. I want to be like Twiggy herself. I like that bird a lot. I remember, when we were still teds, the band used to wank off to her. It was like a competition-”

I was laughing out loud.

“I don’t want to listen to your wet dreams, Lennon.”, I was on the brink of choking.

“If you say so, though, it is quite spicy. Maybe even inspiring.”, he winked. “Take off everything that is too extravagant off yourself. So as to not ruin your precious makeup.”, I joked.

“Fine, David.”, he took off his scarf, his jacket, his belt, his pins and his watch. Leaving him in his shirt, jeans and worn out trainers. He rolled up the sleeves of his shirt and left one pin on. “I love Paul”. I always wondered why he liked that pin so much.

I added blue eyeshadow and did the eyeliner like Twiggy did. I put some blush on his cheeks. I gave him lipstick.

“It’s the last step.”, I chuckled.

He smiled and put on lipstick.

“Are you now comfortable?”, I asked.

He was quite nervous. Maybe he was nervous as himself, but now his nervousness was more evident with those accented doll-like eyes. 

“He, he, of course.”, he said.

“Then it’s time for the last step in my process. Just sing.”

He went to the table and took his guitar. He tuned it meticulously, he never tuned it that much trying to get the right note. He stood up, and began playing. It was “Happiness Is A Warm Gun”. But he changed the lyrics…

I’m not a girl who misses much

Do do do do do do, oh yeah

His voice was the same though it began to gain a much more sad and slow tone.

I’m well-acquainted with the touch of the velvet hand

Like a lizard on a window pane

My man in the band with the multicolored mirrors

On his hobnail boots

Lying with his eyes while his hands are busy

Working overtime

A soap impression of his wife which he ate

And donated to the National Trust

His voice didn’t go deep on this next part. It remained as high as when he sang the first.

I need a fix 'cause I'm going down

Down to the pits that I left uptown

I need a fix 'cause I'm going down

He got more theatrical. It’s like he felt the lyrics hit him for the first time.

Mother Superior jumped the gun

The unexpected falsetto here scared me. He felt like doing everything different. He continued repeating it that way, each time feeling more and more like a call for help.

He put on a smile. His voice gained a more elegant and cute tone. It was like when I embraced my character. Singing even the smallest parts. Though I helped him with that.

Happiness is a warm gun (bang, bang, shoot, shoot)

Happiness is a warm gun, momma (bang, bang, shoot, shoot)

He took his glasses and didn’t play this part.

When I hold you in my arms (ooh, oh, yeah)

He caressed the glasses.

And I feel my finger on your trigger (ooh, oh, yeah)

He began to put them on, but decided to put them in his pocket.

I know nobody can do me no harm (ooh, oh, yeah)

Because

He went back on the guitar.

Happiness is a warm gun, yes it is (bang, bang, shoot, shoot)

Happiness is a warm, yes it is, gun (happiness, bang, bang, shoot, shoot)

Well, don't you know that happiness is a warm gun momma?

He didn’t wait for me to clap, dropping the guitar. I was astonished. It was so different from how he used to do it that if anyone said it was a different person I’d believe them. I don’t know if John would be comfortable for me in costume to call him she. 

“Bowie.”, he continued in his higher pitched voice, “Was I any good?”

“You were great and different.”, I said, “Different in a good way. You played your, or um, John’s song in a completely new way…”

“Hahaha, David, tis fine. I know I did, plus it’s in character for me.”, he chuckled wistfully and caringly. Yet that wistful smile got lost as fast as it came on.

“You know, David… I wonder how it would’ve played out…”, he spread himself out on the floor. He patted the floor to say I can sit beside him, so I did. The doll-like eyes gazed into the abyss that was the ceiling.

“If I played in front of many people. Me. A small unimportant artist, a small unimportant woman against a whole bunch of gits. They would’ve torn through me…”, I concluded he was comfortable.

She rustled her sleeves…

“Exactly why John can do it. He has… The energy needed to survive the crowd. I don’t.”, she sighed.

“But then why would he ask me for advice?”, I asked. Why would John say this? Or John’s counterpart? Or this role he is playing?

She ignored the question.

“He won’t be playing for a while.”, she shrugged.

“He won’t be, what!”, I was saddened.

“He won’t. It’s because of Sean and a bunch of disappointing turnouts. He is burnt out.”, she explained.

There was something she wanted to tell me, but couldn’t. She graciously stood up.

“You know, I like this role.”, she twirled around, “I…”

“I really hate I’m going to tell you this.”, she exhaled.

“What?”

“John’s songs are very touchy and private. Every song. Him saying they’re not us upright lying!”, she jumbled her words.

John lost himself.

“Really?”

“Yes.”

She played with her hair.

“Do you… Feel any better?”

“Feel, hum, I feel fine.”, she giggled, “She’s in love with me and I feel fine.”

“Why “Happiness Is A Warm Gun”?”, I was quite interested in the choice.

“It’s my everyday.”, she said looking at me, “I feel like I’m overworked, yet I do nothing. I grab my guitar and sing and write nothing. Of course, compositions for the plays. Everything is meaningless without an audience. One person is enough for an audience. Though it doesn’t have to mean that if they don’t give you any useful feedback.”

Her smile differed from John’s usual one. This one was full of hope and amazement.

“My meticulous planning and execution make the difference. My “gun” are the tools and ideas I incorporate in my life that make my art great and me satisfied. Yet there are always ideas that have to be benched for some time.” 

I was confused. She noticed and booped my nose. This character by her composed stature, melancholic stare and patient smile didn’t remind me of Lennon in the slightest, except her ideal chasing nature. John was direct in his songs, but when I talk to him I see a lot of excuses and sugary sentences to make me accept something. Though when something was bad, he would tell me. This woman was straight to the point.

“David.”, she became serious, “Don’t hesitate, any question is fine, really. Just keep me occupied, John needs a break.”

“John needs a break?”, I listened to her order.

“An actor needs a break to collect himself. A role can tire a person out.”, she described it, “They should try something new and see if they like it. Maybe a different role.”

“You existed even before today?”

She smiled and chuckled.

“Cheeky bugger. Depends on how you look at it. With these characteristics him and you gave me, no. But, at the core, for as long as John knows himself.”, she took a piece of paper.

“John fantasized about you? Or being you?”, I concluded.

Her face was ridden with uncertainty.

“Don’t know about that from his point of view, but I wanted to be like him.”, she grabbed my shoulder, “You said earlier today his songs are brave, yes?”

“Yeah, I did.”

“I could never do that. Go out there with my stuff and be seen with it. Be a target. Exactly why you need actors, because the director is a figure in the darkness. Maybe John’s question about your process could be better worded as this: how do you manage to be an actor and director at the same time? Johnny and I would love to know the answer, so please pray tell.”, she asked me.

“You went through it with me. You should be able to conclude now.”, I wanted her to think.

“No. Then it’s exactly the same as for us two.”, she said, “You, David are the director, while your personas are the actors. You perform as them, or they perform for you, and… Wait. You always credit yourself in the end, even though you let them perform instead of you…”

“Yeah. It’s my creation afterall.”, I affirmed.

She hugged me all of a sudden. The first hug I got from John.

“You’re so lucky, David.”, she squeezed me, “I wish I met you earlier. In good old Liverpool. You would’ve appreciated me from the beginning… Like…”

She sniffled, “I want to see her again… I hope she found someone else. She had to have found someone else.”

“Who?”

My question was downright ignored again.

“I told him to leave her, for her health. We both loved her. And the child… He was in the middle of everything. John hurt him too. What an awful person. What an awful actor. No, I am an awful director.”

This is going downhill really fast.

“Lennon, are you okay?”, I asked her. Her face was buried into my shirt.

“Bowie, I’m so thankful.”

“This is helping?”, I asked.

“This is helpful, yes.”, she said, “John needs to visit Julian at all costs. The lads were right about us… Oh, Paul…”

I realized everything. John views his emotions as feminine. He was repressing this for so long. And is still repressing them by putting them in a different persona.

“I couldn’t have guessed that John has been feeling this way.”, I sighed and hugged her back.

“John is not writing and performing for a while and that is the end. He needs to let off steam. He is tired of playing the cunning and smart Britishman. He is neither cunning nor smart in person. He is just a normal Liverpudlian with a nasally high voice that he absolutely despises and high standards, nothing more, nothing less.”

“Everything will be alright. John is like a mentor to me.”, I reddened because of embarrassment, “I believe he’ll figure things out.”

“First person to say he is a mentor to them, I always viewed him as a playful guy who acted like a child. A smart child.”, she was proud.

“If I call you John, would I be wrong?”

“Yeah, because I passionately deny it in front of an audience. My crew gets the other answer.”

“John, why would you go through this? It was simpler to tell me as yourself. You don’t need a spectacle to tell me the truth.”

“He needs to rest. He wouldn’t tell you the truth, he is imagined that way. A brick wall.”

“You are still talking about yourself in the third person and you told me all this.”

“Force of habit. My little beloved actor side…”, she wiped her tear smearing part of the makeup… I don’t remember applying that much.

“Why does he even need to let off steam? Isn’t he ideal? He should be able to withstand whatever I throw at him, not let me take over. Life really knows how to set me up. I should be able to get through this.”, she pouted.

“John isn’t perfect.”, I told her.

“John is perfect by his function.”, she proudly stated.

I got sad. John just admitted to me he was fake. He was fake with me. What did he mean everytime we played, what did he think of me?

 “Wait, wait, no, no! David… ”, her view fluttered towards my eyes, like an older sister watching her upset younger brother, “You took it the wrong way, no, I explained it wrong.”

She smeared the makeup, finally breaking the boundaries for John.

“Bowie, I’m so sorry… I got too into character.”

“She is you, of course you got into character, when it’s your feelings Lennon.”

“David…”, he struggled to get anything out.

“You really can’t tell the truth huh?”, I was astonished with the amount of anxiety and pain he must’ve been feeling, “John, I still respect you and I think you respect me too by sharing all this. But this kind of behavior is damaging for you, so tell me directly what is bothering you? I’ve heard what she thinks. I need to hear it from you.”

He was quiet, pondering my question, staring into my eyes.

“What’s bothering me is that I’m trapped in a loveless marriage with a child that I am not sure is mine, and even songwriting and peacemaking doesn’t satisfy me anymore. I only like working with people, because I’m sick of writing on my own. I’m sick of running after George and Paul, fuck ‘em both.”, this was unexpected.

“How long?”, I pat him on the shoulder.

“Yoko and I have been in a bad spot for some time now because of the May situation. Sean will make or break our marriage completely in private. Yoko knows me all too well, she knows how much I regret not taking care of Julian and how much I have a soft spot for kids. If I leave her, I’d look like I’m running away from the responsibility of being a parent, I’d hate that to happen again.”, what interesting phrasing.

“I’m sick of pretending that I know everything if I know nothing. That’s it. I know absolutely nothing.”, he is going from one extreme to the other. When I look back on his attitude, he always acted like he had everything under control. It was contradictory that he was prone to panic. It’s like when a play goes wrong and the director can’t correct it. Everything was preplanned, John came here with the thought of doing this. He wanted to tell me something and I think I can dig it out of him.

“What does your aunt think of it?”, could be tied to her.

“Mary? She told me she supported me whatever I do. But she is scared. Of course she is. Her nephew is in a big city in an another country.”, he said, “I should pay her a visit soon. Maybe next week.”

His face became melancholic, “She is scared for me and Julia…”

Julia. First I heard that name from John’s mouth. 

“Jules is depressed all of the time, she is alone, I think she liked Paul for a long time and they used to hang out, but they never got together. She just gave up when everything “didn’t go according to plan”. No wonder us two are still in a quarrel, so I’m not paying her a visit. We are too different. I’m impulsive and rash, she would pre plan every single thing down to the minute detail.”, he sighed angrily.

“John, stop lying. You predicted my behavior. You arranged my behavior like a director to get me to give you space for your problems. You two are more similar than you think.”, I calmed him down, “You should both resolve the conflict. It’s clear you care, because you are still angry.”

“No, we are not similar, and how would you know what she is like!”, he was angry, or no, he was panicking.

“She is caring, she is funny and melancholic, slow, truthful and direct. She holds her own and likes to write using metaphors…”

“Yeah, that’s her.”, he facepalmed himself and laughed quietly, “I am really getting out of hand. I should resolve that with her.”

Is that what he wanted to tell me? To help him with resolving his conflict with his sister. That is very sad and I’m grateful he thinks we’re that close.

“Anything else?”, this was getting sadder and sadder. John Lennon was unraveling in front of me. The description that fits Julia could fit him then, broken on the floor, smiling like everything was meaningless except the moment he was sharing with me, which he planned for I guess long before we met today. He wiped off the rest of the makeup. The frail stature of the man didn’t suit the picture we all had of him for so long. His eyes remained doll-like. He had a stubble but it was missing!

“Did you apply makeup before this or what?”

“I dunno, but I do know we should finish sorting and we lost time on my confession. Let's sort this out.”

“John, explain, please, I’m so curious! I am most curious to know what you have been hiding! You cannot cut the story where you like!”

“Except I can David, I am the director.”, he joked, “And this part of the play has gone on for too long. Let’s get back to the script.”

I sighed and laughed. I’m glad I got to see his vulnerable side. I could've been overthinking things. We sorted through the documents and parted ways.

“Thank you once more, David. It helped me so much.”, he said sincerely smiling, “I will visit aunt Mimi during next week, I missed Liverpool.”

“I’m happy I got to share this moment with you. Please consider what I said. Don’t let my words be for nothing…”

I went home and began thinking about visiting Liverpool. I’ve never been there and inspiration could be anywhere. This week, I went there. It was very nice and quiet. I headed to Strawberry Fields, since it was John’s most inspiring spot. In here I found some Beatlemaniacs, but the fuss they were making was much smaller than I expected. Other than them, there were few people on a walk… I  found a spot in the grass and relaxed. John liked the place because the two of them could focus on the songs. I stared off into the sky that was framed by trees, giving me a sense of intimacy.

“Why must you always complicate things? You did the best thing you could’ve done at that moment…”, I heard a familiar voice.

“I don’t know how you look me in the eye sometimes.”, another quite familiar voice, “After everything we did to you. It’s not just him…”

I moved my head to the source of the voices and spotted two women. I recognized the first one immediately, she was Cynthia Powell, while the other one was a tall brunette with cat-eye glasses. They sat on the bench in front of me. Cynthia sat ladylike, while her friend spread herself out, making Cynthia chuckle.

“I missed you a lot. I’m glad you took precautions and only visited Julian, but you could’ve used more chances to check on how I was doing y’know? We’re still best of friends.”

“Cyn…”, the brunette hugged her, “You always understood me. Yet I always misused that.”

Cynthia lifted an eyebrow.

“Julia, you and your theatrics. Stop repeating yourself and relax…”, she patted her younger friend on the head.

Julia and John have a history with Cynthia.

“Everything is quite simple. It’s just your poetic head that makes everything complicated. Just like your songs.”, Cynthia said.

“They’re good.”, Julia stated, “I’m done with them.”

“You are done with them? But why?”, Cynthia asked her.

“Enjoy the view, Ms. Prim, and don’t think about it.”, Julia joked.

By John’s description, Julia writes too. Could Julia have been writing John’s songs all along, or no. That would be stupid. John and I wrote “Fame” together over improvised live sessions.

“You know you could tell me anything, Lennon.”, Cynthia looked at her with a sense of longing.

Julia stared at her the same way John stared at me after I asked him.

“I think that my little actor has passed his boundaries.”, Julia explained, “Even though Yoko keeps him in check, you could include May as well. He needs a break.”

She was using the same terminology as John, making me question are John and her even in a fight.

“I…”, Cynthia glanced at her friend in tears, “But songwriting has become the only thing you love. After Paul left you…”

“After I left him. He just rejected me. I don’t need his sorrows and explanations. I still love him… John still loves him. I don’t understand why he was so against everything!”, Julia was angry, “And I love Aunt Mimi, Julian and my friends, including you. You said it yourself, I did the best thing. And sometimes it meant John leaving you. He needed to go. The selfish prick with no boundaries.”

My question was answered.

“Could you do me a favour? Just one.”, Cynthia asked with a sense of playfulness.

“What?”, Julia looked at her with her doll-like eyes. Her eyes shifted to the behind of the bench.

A small sign passed behind the bench. It was exactly like a sign I noticed on a picture of Cynthia and John. Julia blushed a bright pink.

“Ah, Cynthia Powell, whatever shall I do with your lovesick head?”, Julia joked.

“Well, Julia Victoria Lennon, whatever shall you do? Ms. “I forgot my best friend” and Ms. “I love Paul”.”

“I told the pricks multiple times that it's as it says… Augh, that’s not important. And this one is for Ms. Prim and Proper.”, I couldn’t believe it but Julia planted a kiss on Cynthia’s lips. A kiss of friendship and lost passion. A parting one. Or a kiss they haven’t shared for so long. Were they together before John and Cynthia or what is their story?

“I listened to your new song. I liked it.”

“Oh, yeah, y’know, the kid I worked with is great. Were it not for him, I wouldn’t have visited Aunt Mimi and you.”

Wait.

“He reminds me of you, so artistic and introverted. Proper when he is himself but his personas are full of life.”, she booped Cynthia on her nose.

This can't be.

“You have adopted another rock star. Oh, Julia.”, Cynthia chuckled.

“Don’t remind me of Geo, he fucking gets on my nerves. He can’t stand Yoko. How are the two of us supposed to hang out if he keeps being such a drag?”

“You can’t go anywhere without dragging her with you, am I really getting replaced as a best friend too?”

“Cyn, you cheeky woman.”, Jules chuckled, “She needs to keep me in check, I can’t trust meself. Though I didn’t bring her to practice with Bowie that day… Hm.”

“Oh, oh, John is queer. I could have expected this, no, who am I kidding. No.”, were the words I thought while freaking out. 

The two women chatted some more while my jaw dropped. Julia told Cynthia John’s problems like they were nothing, just a story she thought up over a cup of tea. Cynthia listened to her, gave her advice. They were close, and I understand why - they were together for ten years.

“Cyn, want to go to my place? It was nice to visit Strawberry Fields. See, this tree behind us is where Paul and I wrote most of our hits.”, she pointed in my direction but didn’t see me.

“Yeah, we could, I want to say hi to your aunt.”, she chuckled, “Proudest aunt in Liverpool.”

“Second to Paul’s scumbag father.”, Julia scoffed.

“Don’t fret over that, Jules.”, she kissed her on the cheek.

Julia took Cynthia by the hand and led her home.

“It’s you and I, Ms. Prim.”, Julia chuckled.

Leaving me imagining what part of the illusion was real; Julia or John? Only thing I knew for sure was they respected me and I respected them and their choice, making me feel less alone and alien in this weird world.

Rest of Sacrifame

[anna-pineappel]

This has been sitting in my Tumblr Drafts for a while, and I'm finally putting my thoughts in on this. Fair warning: this is going to be a long rant of a post, sorry not sorry!

I will NEVER write fanfic for financial gain! Obviously, with fanfiction, I don't own the characters/setting/Source Material, so it would not be wise to put my work behind a paywall. I do have some OC writing content, I was getting back into it earlier this year, then Peace in the Moonlight's prequel, Terror in the Shadows entered the chat and I am now high off of my Crackship StettiHo 😅 ANYWAYS... even if I ever got to the point where I wanted to 'Publish' my OC writing, I would do so on AO3/Tumblr/Google Drive PDF... where no money would be exchanged. I've been told I have potential to write professionally, and while it is very validating and flattering, it is not something I'm interested in, for a number of reasons:

Anytime I decide to make money off a creative endeavor, I almost immediately lose interest in that endeavor. I love writing fanfiction and posting it up on AO3, absolutely. HOWEVER, the moment I write for money and then feel Obligated to do so, I will never write again. This is just how I am.

With money on the table, I feel pressure to perform to standards set out by the person paying me. I will set impossibly high standards for myself and feel like it isn't good enough.

Or I'll feel like I can't write the story I want to, since someone else is dictating the content (i.e. they want a certain pairing, certain characters to be featured). I also feel safe pushing my own comfort levels within my writing when I'm writing for free. (I have learned wayyyyy to much about BDSM practices, the Gestapo/SS... it's a wild ride, okay??)

Life is expensive as is/capitalism/monetizing everything = blegh! I want people to be able to access my writing without having to pay for it. I write because I enjoy it, and it's a piece of my soul I'm baring to the world. You shouldn't have to pay for that!

If you feel compelled to donate money to me/you feel l deserve to be compensated for my writing (or any other writer), may I suggest donating to AO3 instead? It's sites like that that allow me and other writers to share writing in the first place and they are completely run by volunteers! Also, my favourite currency is in the form of kudos and comments... THAT'S ALL I NEED!!!!

Even if you ever did pay me for my writing, somehow, I would just turn around and throw the money at AO3.

Oh and if you're a writer who thinks they deserve to be compensated for writing/have exclusive fics under a paywall/what have you... SO MUCH OF LIFE IS ALREADY MONETIZED... WE DON'T NEED FANFIC WRITING TO BE ONE OF THOSE THINGS!!!!

The rest of the thread is here.

tl;dr: Don’t monetize AO3, kids.  You won’t like what happens next.

[chirp-a-chirp]

Ikemen Prince: Breaking Point

Description: A chance encounter with a young boy forces Leon to confront his past. Spoilers from Leon’s route. Quotes from Leon’s route are in bold text.  

Ikemen Prince: Leon

Other Characters: Nokto; Yves; Sariel; Jin (briefly)

Word Count: ~2,700. 

Tags: Angst and comfort; mentions of slavery, abuse, trauma, and parental loss

*Lion picture generated using Art AI App Gencraft

…

“He’s replaceable.” 

The voice was dismissive, petulant. The Duke gestured irritably at a young boy hastily picking up a pile of silverware that had scattered across the floor. The boy was no older than six, the youngest servant at the Duke’s gala. The boy’s amber eyes flickered at the Duke’s outstretched hand; he flinched reflexively, his body prepared for the blow that was sure to follow. 

Leon’s eyes opened in shock. The servant boy was a virtual replica of him as a child, down to the sunken hallows beneath his eyes and the mop of dark hair that refused to be tamed. Leon winced internally as he saw what appeared to be bruises on the boy’s wrists beneath his jacket. But it was more than that—though the boy’s body’s flinched as an automatic response, his arms hung listlessly at his sides. The boy’s eyes were dull and flat. Leon knew what that feeling of resignation was like, perhaps more than anyone. 

Instinctively, Leon stepped in front of the boy. “Every life has meaning, Your Grace.” A growl emanated from Leon even as he plastered a smile on his face. “He’s not replaceable.”

“And he has a name. Charles.” Emma crouched beside the boy, helping him pick up forks and spoons. Her eyes flared at the Duke. The Duke laughed dismissively. “He’s here upon my charity. The urchin’s mother was one of my maids; she died several months ago. He has a roof over his head as long as his does his job competently. He has failed to do that so—“

“So let us remedy that for you.” Leon’s eyes narrowed. “We will take Charles back to the Castle.” Leon gestured gently for the boy to get up. With some quiet encouragement from Emma, Charles scampered behind Leon, clinging to his cloak like a lifeline. Leon grab Charles’ hand and began to turn around. The Duke’s voice brought Leon back to the conversation.

“I believe you’ve forgotten something.” The Duke held out a hand. “Compensation for the clothing the boy wears. A coin would do.” The Duke’s attempt at a power play was painfully transparent. Leon barely heard the Duke’s sneer—it faded into a blur as Leon was pulled back into his childhood past. The sound of feet trudging through mud, whips lashing and breaking against his skin when work was not done fast enough, his life bought with a single coin. Jin, who had seen the verbal exchange between Leon and the Duke, stepped in. “Of course, Your Grace.” Jin dropped a small bag of coins in the Duke’s hand before Leon could respond. The Duke had powerful friends and trade connections. The princes could not afford to make him an enemy. Jin guided the Duke away, handing him a glass of wine. As Jin walked past Emma, he mouthed to her, “Go with Leon. Please.” 

Emma quickly picked up the remaining pieces of silverware, placing them on a nearby table. Leon and Charles had already left. As she began to leave the gala, Emma felt a tug on her elbow as an arm encircled her waist. 

“That was quite the performance just now.” Nokto’s breath tickled against Emma’s neck. His red eyes sparkled in mischief. 

“You could have intervened any time,” Emma glared. Nokto shrugged, “Jin beat me to it. But, on to more important matters.” Nokto lifted his eyebrows and whispered in Emma’s ear. To anyone watching, it would look like no more than a man flirting with a pretty girl. “Do you recall the conversation you and I had while you were Belle? About Leon’s kindness?” Emma’s cheeks flushed. Nokto chuckled, “Play along, my dear. You’re doing well.” 

Emma huffed and stepped back a pace. “Yes,” she hissed. “But this kindness is not cruel. Kind people want to help everyone. Leon wants to protect Charles, like he does with all the people in Rhodolite.” 

“But at what cost?” Nokto studied Emma, a smirk on his face. “Leon can’t hide a thing, especially now that’s he’s with you,” Nokto murmured. “His eyes give him away. Leon will break tonight. Too many memories brought back to the surface.” Nokto stroked his chin and added; “his kindness is the ultimate cruelty to himself. When you care for everyone, there’s nothing left for yourself.” Nokto adjusted his white and gold jacket and sauntered towards Jin and the Duke, leaving Emma with her thoughts. 

Damn Nokto’s perceptiveness. He could read people as easily as she read books. Leon had always been cheerful with everyone, friendly, charming. He was the smiling stranger with a ready laugh, the charismatic but distant hero, the man surrounded by others but somehow just out of reach. It was a kindness removed from emotional intensity; to be future king, it had to be so. Leon’s love for Emma had changed that perspective; he had become more approachable, more honest with his feelings, his heart lighter. But it left him vulnerable—to love was to risk suffering, and he loved Emma, Rhodolite, and its citizens more than anything. When they suffered, Leon suffered. And now, he did not have the emotional distance to preserve himself.    

Emma sprinted out of the Duke’s villa. She found Charles and Leon on the side of a road, Charles staring at the prince in disbelief. Emma hid behind the villa’s gate, watching the scene before her. Charles lifted his hands towards the sky, gesturing at the fourth prince. It was as if the boy was pleading to Leon, daring to ask more of him. “You’re so big.” 

Oh no. 

For an instant, Leon’s eyes widened and trembled. Dark memories of him reaching out towards the sky as a slave boy, bleakness and resignation his only companions, enveloped him. Leon blinked a few times, willing himself back to the present. “You’ll be big like me one day.” Leon ruffled Charles’ hair. “And you’re not alone. Not anymore.” The prince picked the boy up and perched him on his shoulders. “Race you to the Castle Charles!” Leon ran at breakneck speed, a determined smile on his face. Normally, Leon’s smile shown brighter than the sun, providing warmth and strength on even the chillest of days. But now, Emma saw this smile for what it was—a shield protecting fragile feelings.  

Emma walked as quickly as the cobblestone road would allow—she wondered if the heroines in her stories were capable of sprinting in heels. Thankfully, the Duke’s residence was a manageable distance to the Castle by foot—the carriage that brought Emma to the gala would not be back for several hours. After nearly getting lost, she arrived at the Castle, Sariel greeting her inside. 

“Prince Leon and the boy are with the palace mutt in the kitchen.” Sariel looked unsurprised to see Emma back so early. He peered at Emma’s feet—she had unceremoniously kicked her heels off, rubbing blistered toes. Sariel lifted the corner of his lips in amusement. “Given your and Prince Leon’s escapades in town, I would have thought you’d wear more practical shoes.” His eyes shown wickedly. “Perhaps there is a sadistic side to you after all, Emma.”    

Emma inclined her head and left, not wanting to acknowledge Sariel’s comment. As she approached the kitchen, Emma popped her head through a crack in the door. Emma was startled to see only Yves, slicing apples to place in a nearby pie-tin.

“Yves?”

Yves howled in surprise, nicking himself with the knife. He jumped back so quickly he nearly hit his head on a series of pots and pans hanging nearby. 

“GAH! WHAT THE—!” 

“Yves! I didn’t mean to startle you!” 

“I wasn’t startled!” Emma and Yves barreled over one another with repeated apologies and Yves’ insistence on not being agitated. Yves calmed down enough to allow Emma to wrap a strip of cloth on his bleeding finger. Emma took a peek at the pie-tin. Next to it was a picture of several stick figures gathered around a pie.

“Charles likes apple pies. His mother used to make them.” Yves looked sadly at the photo. The black marks on top of two of the stick figures identified them as Leon and Charles—the figures held hands and were smiling. The other two figures—Yves and Rio—had yellow marks on their heads and held apples. Yves’ eyes flickered back to Emma’s, his haughty glare returning. “I’m sure his mother was a good baker—but my pie will surely be better.”

“Where’s—“

“Charles is with Rio. Rio is setting up an extra bed in his room so Charles doesn’t sleep alone. Leon said he had something he needed to take care of.” Yves’ voice trailed at the mention of Leon. “Leon was smiling but…he wasn’t here with us somehow. It was like he was away, deep in his own loneliness.” 

Yves and many others had worked together seamlessly to save a little boy tonight—and watch over Leon. It was the nobler side to the princes’ beastly natures. Emma placed a hand on top of Yves’ shoulder. “Yves, don’t worry, I’ll make sure he’s OK.” As Emma walked away she heard Yves call back. “Emma?”

“Yes?”

“I…I have a soldier in my ranks with a brother who has been wanting to adopt. Charles would be very happy with him and his wife. N-not that I care, of course!”

“Of course not, Yves.” Emma shook her head and closed the door.           

Leon was not in any of his usual haunts within the Castle—the rose garden, training grounds, the Domestic faction’s room. Now more worried, she ran to his room and jiggled the door knob. Locked. A clear signal he wanted to be alone. No. He’s so used to helping others he doesn’t know how to ask for help. Emma reached inside her dress pocket for a bobby-pin to pick the lock. She knew Clavis’ breakfast parties would pay off. After a few moments, Emma heard a click and opened the door. 

The windows to Leon’s room were cracked open, gossamer curtains fluttering in the breeze. Leon was laying in bed, on top of the covers, his back facing Emma. His body was curled inward, one hand clinched to his chest, the other reaching out towards the window. His breath was loud and ragged, his shoulders shaking. 

My God, thought Emma. He’s crying.   

Her eyes shimmered with tears—he looked more alone in this moment than any other she could recall. He was not standing regally, staring at the sky, like she had found him numerous times before, lost in thought. These thoughts devoured him, debilitated him, the enormity of them so strong he could not stand, or even sit. He was broken and had locked himself in his room until he could fix himself again. 

Emma closed the door quietly. She glided to the bed, laying behind him. Emma nuzzled her head against the back of Leon’s shoulders, hiding the wave of emotions hitting her at once. Leon gasped, tensing. 

“Don’t be alone like this. Please…let me stay with you.” Emma hoped she wasn’t pushing him too hard. After a moment, she heard a reply. 

“You’ll stay with me…like this?”

With one hand, Emma grazed the back of Leon’s head, scratching lightly. She draped an arm around Leon’s torso, finding his clinched hand, laying her fingers on top of his. Slowly, Leon’s body unfurled at Emma’s touch. His sighs became a series of baritone purrs, a rhythmic buzz releasing stress and nerves. 

Emma sensed a need for Leon to collect himself. She pressed her forehead against the back of his neck and hugged him from behind. The duo breathed in sync with one another, finding mutual peace in the stillness of the room. Eventually, Leon turned to face Emma, burying his head in the crook of her neck. 

“You always find me. The real me.” 

Emma sighed, threading her fingers in Leon’s hair. “Seeing Charles like that must have triggered memories for you.” A silence hung in the room as Emma continued to stroke the back of Leon’s head. Finally, Leon murmured, “Yeah, it did. But…I’m fine now. How was the rest of the gala?”

It was a classic Leon move—pivoting the conversation from himself. Emma moved slightly away; Leon leaned towards Emma, missing her warmth. Emma put a hand up between them. 

“Don’t try to distract me, love.” Emma stared intently at Leon, taking his wandering hand away from her waist. “You’re not fine. You pretend you are, but those days still affect you. How could they not?” Emma brushed away locks of unruly hair covering Leon’s eyes. “You always wake up before dawn. An instinct learned through hard labor I suppose.” Emma stopped briefly as Leon’s eyes widened. “Every time Silvo comes to the palace, you flinch at the sound of his jangling jewelry. Does the sound remind you of the chains you wore?” She heard Leon catch his breath, his body still with shock. “Whenever Sariel talks with a group of children, you always stand in front of him. Is it so they won’t be scared by seeing the whip he carries?” 

“I...I do that?” Leon’s voice shook slightly. Emma closed the distance between them, caressing a cheek with the pad of her thumb. “You do. You’re also the only prince that rides a horse without a riding crop.” 

“Physical pain doesn’t motivate. It teaches fear, nothing more.” Leon’s voice was harsh. Emma unconsciously rubbed Leon’s ribs, which bore subtle signs of unhealed whip marks. “Charles knows that truth.” 

“And now Charles is away from that fear.” Emma pulled Leon close, arms encircling him.   

“Charles was all but a slave. Here, in Rhodolite.” Leon’s voice shook with frustration. “For every boy like Charles, there are countless others. I can’t…I can’t protect them all.”

“It’s not just you protecting people. You have a pack of brothers and friends wanting to help. Men who did help tonight—Charles was saved by you, but he has a warm bed tonight thanks to Rio, a full belly and a potential family thanks to Yves, and he is no longer under the thumb of that Duke thanks to Jin and Nokto.” Emma cradled Leon’s face between her hands. “And you may not want to hear this, but I bet Chevalier has a plan for stopping elites like the Duke from taking advantage of people like Charles.” Wanting to lighten the mood, Emma added. “If not, Clavis’ traps will finally be put to good use for those elites.”

Leon’s booming laugh echoed in Emma’s ears. “Yves will appreciate that.” 

How Emma missed Leon’s laughter. But, Emma felt the need to press her point. “Yves would also appreciate you talking to him more. Jin too. It’s not good to keep things bottled up inside.” Emma’s voice was gentle. “And I’ll always be here if you want to talk.”

Leon absently rubbed Emma’s lower arm. After a while, he quietly uttered. “I’m sorry.”

“There’s nothing to be sorry—“

“I should have gotten you that bracelet.” Leon’s fingers caressed the inside of Emma’s wrist.

“What are you talking about?” 

“The merchant had a matching bracelet for your ring.” Leon gestured to the silver ring on Emma’s hand. “It had a silver plate you could engrave an inscription onto. The plate was held by a chain. I…couldn’t bear the look of it.” Leon held Emma’s hand tightly. “It reminded me of the insignia bands slaves wore on their wrists.”

Emma gasped. This was the first time since her time as Belle Leon volunteered information about his childhood. “I told you I never knew my actual name before assuming Prince Leon’s identity. I had a number though. Fourteen. Marked on that insignia on my wrist.” 

“Leon…” Emma held Leon tightly, the warmth of her touch telling him she was there for him. And with that, Leon found himself speaking. A trickle of words at first, then a flood. Memory after memory of his early childhood tumbled out, like the rocks he rolled out of the quarries. Leon spoke until exhaustion overtook him and Emma both. 

…

Emma woke the next day to the sounds of birds chirping. Light poured through the windows, the sun well above the horizon. Emma turned to see Leon asleep, an arm wrapped tightly around her. 

Emma smiled. For the first time, Leon slept past dawn. The healing had begun.  

[kyglow]

mutually sharing a sympathetic thought associated with a point she made of how disappointing and sad that screenplays and studios were far more focused on casting young women which is what the industry had done decades ago. " it's not easy trying to make our living but most importantly for an actor who is trying to get work and recognition. most actors don't have to try but with you when i used to watch you that is you certainly gave a powerful performance you were picture perfect and managed to sell the dialogue they were feeding you that's talent that can't be taught or even bought. " it was unlike him to praise actors usually only seeing them as set pieces yet he had someone he viewed to be an irreplaceable superstar who had an unfortunate fall from grace. his smugly arrogant cocky mood would shift yet he remained confident just gentle and smoother with his words and particularly in the way he eyed her with fascination and attraction. his lips pursed mildly for a moment before addressing his plans he had for her in mind. " i want to make you a star again not just in one project but in as many as you can take. i know you miss the attention everyone likes being a star. " the corner of his mouth hiked up tugging lips into a smirk.

his hand would boldly then reach out to take her own yet his eyes remained locked on her enchanting alluring gaze. " life won't have to stop for you if you stick with me. " making a determined promise yet he knew that in the back of his mind he was already feeling guilty for what he was about to request in exchange for getting her a leading role a fantasy of his he wanted to bring into fruition. " you're going to make me feel bad now with what i am about to ask on how you'll compensate me but i might as well tell you rather than leaving you on edge with no climax." slipping his hand away as eyes briefly diverted down only then lift back up to gaze upon her face as he drew in his breath and revealed. " i want to fuck you. " keeping his voice down yet he couldn't hold his eye contact feeling flustered and shy with his request. unintentionally he chuckled softly and turned his face away. " my father's control over me and you is beyond his reach. he's a dying breed headed for extinction where as i am the future. i am god and my father is nothing more than a parlor trick magician who thinks he's all powerful. i assure you that you will rub him the wrong way but there's nothing he can do to ruin you again. " admiring her confidence finding it displayed to be attractive only to illustrate and assure for certain that his father will no longer meddle in her and his life. a tiny smile would then perk up on his lips as he studied her with soft eyes. " you don't have to convince me you'll nail this role but as horrible as it may sound i have to take a stab at saying this - will you allow me to nail you tonight? " teasing her as a dry chuckle erupted.

Gaia needed another chance in the film industry and do something different this time around. And the movie the young producer was working on looked very promising, hence she insisted on this meeting. Slashers were taking off again and became quite popular. And Gaia never stared in a horror movie before. Meeting young Kross was going to be an intriguing event for sure; she knew him, but never really spent a lot of time around him, it was always his father that Gaia would have conversations with. And Kross did have a bit of a reputation, which intrigued her. Hopefully he wouldn't be an asshole like his father was.

"I do appreciate it you talked to the writers to change up the script. It's sad to see how most roles are written for younger stars when they already get so many chances... If I was a man, things would be much different. But god forbid you're a woman of my age, it's like all life stops for you."she said with a dry chuckle. "I'm very interested in the project, never did I play the final girl. And i'm ready to compensate you, Kross, if it'll secure my role in the movie."Gaia said openly. "You don't have to remind me. Your father ended up being an asshole to me. It might rub him the wrong way that you'd give me a role in this movie. But perhaps I want to rub it in his face, because I know i'll nail this role."she said with confidence. @sxlcst

[justalazytrashpanda]

Soooo guess who took the secrets list and tried to predict who’s is who’s? Spoilers undercut.

The original image is on the right for reference

Ok so I won’t go over the ones that were confirmed (J, Arei, Charles, Rose, and Nico) since it’s unlikely that the validity of those secrets will be brought into question. I’ll go over the reasons for my predictions below, in order of most confident to least confident

Xander

This falls in line from what we see from Xander in the Bonus episode. He’s a very self-blaming person and it would make sense that this would be both a massive source of guilt and a source of motivation behind his talent.

Min

In her bonus Episode it was revealed that Min and her family were receiving financial compensation in exchange for Min passing the Ultimate student test, and that mounting pressure could have led her to poisoning some top performing students so that they wouldn’t be able to take the test. Plus if this is accurate then it makes sense that min and Xander got each other’s secrets

Levi

Levi keeps referencing his family‘s past turmoil and also mentions living on his own, so if he had a toxic family I could see his departure potentially leading to the younger sister's death. He does mention specifically having brothers in one scene, but it’s possible that since she’s dead he didn’t want to bring her up.

Whit

Listen listen Whitt has spoke on multiple occasions how much he loves his mom, to the point where we know her name (Elizabeth I think), so to go and have it be revealed she’s dead would be the biggest most awful gut punch. He could also have the „i kissed a girl“ secret but he doesn’t seem very ashamed of his sexuality or his attraction to women.

Veronika

This one just felt like it fit Veronika Tbh. She is wearing those fingerless gloves, which could be covering up self-harm scars. The fact that it specifically mentions that the self harm was “for fun” does make me think of that one scene where Veronika was talking about how boring her plan for escape would be and how she would likely “do something very selfish”. Plus “horror fanatic” is the only talent that really fits with this secret.

Arturo

Since Arturo is so obsessed with beauty I could see him potentially developing dangerous eating habits because of it. He’s also wearing a mask and while at first I thought that it was because he was insecure about his looks, it could also be because his immune system is all fucked up due to him not taking care of himself. Speaking of his appearance he does seem rather lanky, however it’s unclear if that was intentional or not.

Teruko

This feels way too obvious. Like it fits perfectly with what we know so far, all the sussy foreshadowing and the note Xander got. But teruko flat out states that she doesn’t know which secret applies to her. If she can’t connect the dots there’s probably a good reason why. Regardless this probably should be at the top of the list, but something just doesn’t feel right.

Hu

Listen I really want sapphic Hu please just let me have wlw Hu just one (1) lesbian Hu pleas. Ok but in all seriousness Hu specifically stated that her secret was “embarrassing” and all the other secrets felt too heavy to be considered so lightly. Hu was also very vocal about supporting Nico and their identity, which could reflect the lack of support she fears for herself.

David

This goes along with what he said his secret was earlier, and if just left with the secrets this is likely the conclusion I would’ve come to. However the scene with him acting shady towards Teruko’s questions makes me hesitant to call this for certain. It’s possible he was just upset with everyone he makes friends with dying, but it’s also possible that he’s one shady motherfucker.

Eden

Just bear with me for a second, I know Eden’s the sweetest girl ever but she is just so so incredibly suspicious. Shes been following Teruko around this entire time and has been so friendly it feels fake. I’d also like to bring up how she blackmailed Teruko with the cactuses in order to get her to participate. Arei’s assessment of Eden might not have been that far off, it might actually come up in the trial.

Ace

I’ll be honest I have no clue with this one. I briefly considered Ace for the poison secret but discarded that since A. Min has better motivations and B. he stated that he hated his talent. I do think it would be ironic if Ace was a murderer, since he got so butthurt about Nico making good on their word.

[oodlyenough]

last of us 1x07 left behind

left behind is like. my fave dlc ever so i was anxious for this one

I anticipated from the start this episode would be unpopular with both the action-oriented crowd (who I... have to assume aren't really enjoying this show at all at this point? lol) and homophobes, so I'm unsurprised to see it ranking lower with people and getting reviewbombed by losers

but TOO BAD it's an episode for ME

I've been liking Bella Ramsey more and more as the series goes on but this episode really clinched it for me I think, I felt she gave a great performance and all those longing looks and mixed emotions around Riley all ep were super well done. I'm sure some people were still shocked Pikachu by the kiss bc that's how dense the audience is sometimes but Ramsey was really giving it their all. Adjusting her hair in front of the window fjlghlksg... The awkward ping-ponging between trying to seem cool and unaffected, trying to impress Riley in both more adult ways (like fixing her hair, drinking the booze) and such kiddie ways (showing off on the escalator)... very good

Storm Reid's Riley was very good as well. I thought the tension between the two of them -- not just the romantic tension but like, both trying to have fun while ignoring the elephant in the room, etc, was well played.

They got a bit luckier in some places here than in the DLC (Riley got to ride the carousel too; the photobooth actually printed, albeit a washed out shitty copy; the arcade WORKED) which felt like kind of nice compensation and a nice way to adapt it to a passive medium lol.

This was quite a faithful adaptation despite changing some of the core conflict between Riley and Ellie. I don't mind the changes... I really loved the "you mattered to me first" exchange, you can really feel all of Ellie's Issues, poor kid. I also felt Riley's impending sewer assignment vs Ellie on the officer fast track was an interesting contrast.

I realize the Firefly pendants are an in-game collectible, so putting them on screen doesn't really make sense (and if you think about it, having a token on you that instantly identifies you as a rebel to FEDRA is simply just Not a good strategy LOL) ... but I did miss it in this ep because Riley ripping the Firefly pendant off her neck when Ellie asks her to stay is imo more powerful than Riley just going "okay". I mean I know Riley meant that "okay" geuinely, but lol, doesn't hit the same.

My biggest reservation this episode was probably that I'm still not really ...sure about/comfortable with the Both Sides-ing of FEDRA and the Fireflies. (I know some fans will scream up and down about how the Fireflies were always some evil sinister shadow org or whatever but 🙄 lmfao) The Ellie-Riley-Marlene relationship being changed I'm on the fence about until we see the rest of Marlene's backstory... I feel like it could go either way depending what they do. I suppose the Fireflies were always a bit morally gray....

But the softening of FEDRA is very questionable to me lol -- Riley's clearly right that Ellie is parroting propaganda, but I think we're also meant to agree with Ellie that Riley doesn't know what the Fireflies are really doing, and that Riley is parroting THEIR propaganda, and I just... like... I dunno man. FEDRA is pretty awful. FEDRA rounded up citizens and then shot them all and left the bodies in a ditch. FEDRA uses the death penalty for minor infractions. They overthrew the government in a military coup. Dwight Schrute voice FEDRA are the bad guys Jim.

Other notes:

-loved the water gun reference, hehe

-I was so happy for them getting to play the actual arcade games mlao

-OMG the masks are like pixel perfect to the game...

-miss u skeleseer ... you live in my heart

-it felt like a stretch to me that Spirit Halloween would be Ellie's fave (hence saved for last) after the other things were SO cool lol

-I get why people missed current-day Ellie scavenging in the mall but I think it would've been mostly meaningless on the show, and having her tear the house apart to find some needle and thread worked the same really

[buckyownsmylife]

Somewhere only we know - Steve Rogers/Reader/Bucky Barnes smut

The one where your married best friends ask you for an anniversary gift: for you to sleep with them.

Warnings: poliamory, squirting, p in v, p in a, threesome, anal fingering, oral (f, m, performed by m and f), dirty talk, curse words.

A/N: Prompts for today were Double penetration + squirting. I really, really loved creating this universe where Bucky and Steve were married and I loved this reader, so I think I might be adding more fics about their relationship in the future.

Bucky’s P.O.V.

I could see that she was nervous. Even if I wasn’t one of her bestfriends (or a trained killing machine), it was pretty obvious by the way she was biting on her lower lip and avoiding both mine and Steve’s eyes.

She’d never been timid around us before. In fact, I couldn’t even remember a single time I’d seen this spitfire of a woman silent, much less uncomfortable. She just had this way about her, this confidence about who she was and of her own worth that stopped anyone who might try to treat her like something simple. She really was anything but.

Which is why the way she was behaving, so out of character for both herself and our relationship, brought a heavy weight to my heart.

“Sweetheart,” I called out, approaching where she was sitting on mine and Steve’s bed before stroking her cheek softly, silently asking her to look me in the eyes again. “You know you can say no, right? We don’t want to do anything you’re uncomfortable with. You’re way more important to us than our attraction to you and this silly fantasy that we created.”

I watched as she blinked twice, and from the corner of my eye, I can see Steve approaching, suddenly catching onto the change of circumstances. Bless his heart, as much as he truly loved this girl, he really was an airhead when it came to women and their feelings, always needing Y/N to spell out what was going on in her life for him to understand that something was wrong. But what he suffered in distraction, he certainly compensated in his caring heart.

I knew better than anyone how my husband could be when he deeply loved someone, and I also knew just how deep both of our feelings ran for her.

“He’s right, Y/N.” The bed dipped as he sat on her other side, reaching for one of the hands on her lap to run his thumb over the back of it. “If you’re worried about finding us another anniversary gift, you can always relent and give me your brownie recipe.”

She snorted, and just that silly sound had the tension on my shoulders suddenly disappearing, a silly smile opening up as I realized that I just might have read her wrong in the midst of my own nervousness over what we were about to do.

“I don’t know what’s more stupid, the fact that you both think I don’t want this or that you actually believe I’d ever give you my family recipe, Stevie.” The words were said in her usual non-bullshit tone and just like that, we were all back to being bestfriends and not a couple about to fuck their closest friend. We laughed, and Steve and I took the opportunity to graze our eyes over her body, tonight clad in a little summer dress that really had no reason to be as tempting as it looked, but the truth was that anything she wore enticed me. 

God, how I wanted her.

She drew in a sharp breath before finally spilling out, “I'm just nervous, that’s all. And maybe a little bit confused. Like, what is this? Something to spice up your decades old relationship? How did you even come to decide on doing this with me? Don’t you think it’s going to ruin our friendship? What about…?”

Steve and I exchanged one of our significant looks before he swiftly covered her mouth with his palm, effectively silencing her. “Calm down, doll. Deep breaths. Of course it won’t ruin our friendship.”

I stopped then, opting to let my husband take the lead of the conversation. Y/N’s eyes followed mine, although her head was somewhat restricted by the weight of Steve’s hand, and she raised an eyebrow in curiosity when he opened his mouth only to close it a few times.

“This isn’t just an… exotic experience to us,” he started, and I nodded in agreement. “We’ve actually been thinking about opening our relationship to embrace one other person for sometime now.”

Her eyes grew huge, the weight of our words clearly surprising her. It was silent in the room for a while when she didn’t immediately offer any response, until my stupid boy realized he still had his hand over her lips, obstructing her speech.

“Sorry,” he sheepishly smiled, making her roll her eyes but smile back at him with fondness. God, how I loved them. My heart pounded desperately against my chest, terrified of her reaction, fiercely hopeful to have her as mine too.

“For how long?” Was her question when she finally was free to speak, and I chuckled lowly, my eyes never straying from hers.

“Ever since we met.”

Y/N’s P.O.V.

My breath hitched as I felt like my heart stopped beating for a few seconds, Bucky’s words barely processing in my swirling brain. I didn’t know what to say, which was never a good thing when it came to me, but how could one so simply deal with the fact that her married best friends who she had secretly longed for had been interested in her all this time? 

So all it came out of my mouth was, “You’re telling me we’ve all been crushing on each other for three fucking years and you only now got the courage to talk to me about it? And using sex as an excuse?” I scoffed, crossing my arms while fake pouting. “I expected more from the both of you, seriously.”

Their roars of laughter were just breathy enough for me to know that they had been nervously anticipating my reaction, which was understandable. For all the hard time I was giving them, I knew how… peculiar this entire situation was, and I couldn’t really say I’d behave any differently if I was in their shoes.

“Well, you know…” One of Steve’s fingers trailed down my jaw before turning my head to face him, and I fucking shivered at how the stupidly simple touch ignited fire in my veins. “It is a decades-long marriage. We couldn’t just very well open it to someone who we didn’t really know and love, just because we were attracted to her.”

“And believe me, sweetheart…” This time, it was Bucky’s voice talking by my ear and Bucky’s fingers tracing over my exposed collarbones, before he leaned down to place a sweet kiss between them. “We’ve been dreaming about fucking you senseless ever since we met.”

A beat as I let their words rush simmer the arousal built inside of me. “Well, don’t you fellas know just how to get a woman going?” Another pair of breathless chuckles, this time for a completely different reason, and I felt Steve squeeze the hand he still held in his.

“Can we kiss you, sweetheart?” He asked, and I found myself swooning - not for the first time - under the blue of his eyes, a soft smile on my lips before I licked them in preparation, quickly nodding.

“Yes,” I breathed out, my gaze falling down to his beautifully pink lips. “Please,” I urged, ignoring the cheshire cat grin that took over his entire face when he realized just how desperate I was for them.

Kissing Steve was everything I thought it would be, except reality felt nicer than even my most realistic dreams. His lips were soft against mine, slowly taking control of our movements before prying them open to accept his tongue.

He tasted like the wine we had shared and I was hooked already. But then a rough beard tickled my neck as Bucky nuzzled his face against it, and I turned around to grant him the same treatment, excited to know how he tasted too.

He was more eager, his hand quickly pulling me by my nape to meet his mouth as mine cradled his face. Instinctively, I knew that despite his rough ways, he liked to be touched softly, and that only became more obvious when I let my own hands fall to the back of his neck, scratching the skin there with care.

Steve’s P.O.V.

I watched with fascination as my husband fell apart in Y/N’s soft hands, my pants growing more uncomfortable each second. A strangled moan escaped Bucky’s lips and I knew he had his tongue inside her mouth now, exploring her sweet taste just like I’d been doing just minutes before.

By the way he easily pulled her to sit on his lap, it was clear that he enjoyed it, just like I did. She was straddling him now, and it didn’t take much longer on their makeout session for her to start unconsciously rubbing herself over his crotch.

My mouth watered at the thought of him being half as hard as I was. Automatically, my hand went over the bulge on my jeans, palming it, feeling it without any urge to take care of myself whatsoever. I knew there was a long night of exploration ahead of us and I wanted it to be the best any of us had ever had.

So I started by massaging Y/N’s scalp, a reminder for her to pull away and breathe, because I was desperate to have a taste of my husband. “Do you mind scooting over, darling? I want to show you something.”

She went without resistance, resuming her previous spot in our bed while I sank down to my knees in front of Bucky, who looked at me with lust-filled eyes and reddened lips that I briefly kissed before my hands made quick work of the fly on his jeans.

“Stand back and watch the show,” I whispered, winking at her when she gasped as Bucky’s cock became visible and I immediately went to work, my lips stretching to accommodate his thickness even after so many years on my knees for him. Even only half-hard, he was still impressive, and it only took a few bobs of my head for him to grow to his complete size.

“Fuck.” I let go of Bucky’s cock with a pop to look at Y/N, who had made herself comfortable by our headboard and now had her fingers under the skirt of her dress, her eyes going from my mouth to the member I still held in my close fist.

“Now, we didn’t say you could touch yourself, did we, pretty girl?” I smacked my lips as I crawled on top of the bed to kiss her before making my way back, Bucky and I exchanging a few loving glances as we undressed in front of her. Then, he beckoned her to the edge of the bed before signaling for her to raise her arms before taking off her dress, leaving her in just her panties.

My eyes were immediately attracted to her breasts, admiring the weight, the aureolas. I itched to suck on one of her nipples, maybe while Bucky did the same on the other, but for now, I knew he had other pressing needs, so I just knelt once more, taking her underwear with me until she was completely bare in front of us.

Y/N’s P.O.V.

I saw Bucky exchange another silent conversation with Steve before his husband nodded, climbing on the other side of the bed while the brunette man came to stand by the foot of it. “Lay down,” he ordered, already wrapping a hand around my ankle and tugging, forcing me to do as he said. “Spread those legs.”

Man, I liked this dominant Bucky.

He noticed my staring, suddenly realizing the reason for my fascination, but instead of apologizing, he just smirked. “I’ve been dying to taste that pussy,” was his admission, and suddenly there was no more air in my lungs. Steve’s chuckle right by my ear made me realize that they both could see right through me, and so I surrendered, opening my legs and exposing just how wet this situation had made me. 

“How long has it been since you’ve eaten pussy?” I blurted out, honestly curious and so fucking horny I couldn’t even find it in myself to be embarrassed. I was expecting a few laughs, but to my surprise, the response I got was a very serious, “For how much I enjoyed it, too fucking long. Come here.”

Once again, he didn’t give me a chance to obey him, instead pulling me even further down so his face was just inches away from my glistening cunt, and the feeling of his hot breath over it had me panting in anticipation.

But of course, I should have known that Bucky Barnes would be a fucking tease. 

“You smell so sweet,” he murmured against the soft skin on the inside of my thighs, where he kissed and licked and sucked while Steve deposited sweet, wet kisses over my chest before finally wrapping his beautiful lips on one of my nipples.

“Ste-Steve…” I moaned, buring my fingers on his locks so I could pull them while chasing away his teeth when he released one of my breasts in search of the other. “Fuck, then why are you teasing me so much?” I asked Bucky, trying to get him to come closer to where I was dripping for him, but he only looked up at me with those mischievous fucking eyes.

“It’s called building anticipation, darling.” 

I honestly didn’t care for it.

“If you touch me right fucking now, I’ll let you do anything to me. Both of you.” That caught their attention. I watched Bucky lift his head to meet his husband’s gaze, another silent conversation between them before his eyes returned to me.

“Anything?” he confirmed, and my body shuddered in expectation.

“Anything.” He didn’t hesitate any longer after that, immediately diving in to taste my pussy with a hunger I had never witnessed in any of my past lovers. Or even in porn, actually. He moaned at the first taste of my wetness, and my thighs already trembled from the reverberations of that simple sound.

“So sweet,” he whispered, and then he was lapping me eagerly, and my moans were echoing around their bedroom before Steve pulled me to kiss him again. He liked to make out, I realized, starting to file my little discoveries for future reference.

Bucky’s P.O.V.

Fuck. I’d always liked to eat a girl out, I could remember that, but I swear, no one had ever tasted as good as the beauty I had sprawled out in front of me. Dipping my tongue in her hole one more, I hummed before lifting it to play with her little nub before repeating the process, making sure to nudge her clit with my nose when I was fucking her with my tongue.

A symphony of moans reached my ears, male and female intertwined, prompting me to open my eyes and trail them up Y/N’s body to find her and Steve kissing deeply. The sight made my heart grow twice its size, and I smiled against her cunt as I watched them make out while Steve slowly teased his own cock.

Of course, Y/N wouldn’t have it. Oh, no. The second she realized where his hand was, she wrapped hers over it, assuming the control over his movements until he allowed her to do as she pleased, letting his hand fall back on the bed.

“Actually, you know what?” She suddenly asked, sitting up before waving me off of her. I was about to complain, not ready to separate myself from her taste just yet, but that was until she flipped around and crawled between my husband’s legs, wrapping her hand on his boner before taking it into her mouth.

I was so completely taken away by how hot the whole image was - her on all fours, Steve with his head thrown back as the slurping sounds of her sloppy blowjob surrounded us - that I almost missed the fact that she was shaking her fantastic ass at me, presenting her pussy for me to feast upon again.

Guess I was doing something right, then. I buried my face in her cunt again, licking her from behind and rejoicing in this opportunity that I dreamed about for so long. I couldn’t even remember how many times both Steve and I had made each other cum just talking about what we would do if we ever got the chance to have her in bed with us, and now here we all were. Together.

Trailing my fingers up her thighs, I finally pushed two of them inside, swirling them around in an effort to find her sweet spot. I didn’t manage to locate it that easily, but I figured, we had time. For now, I had other plans in mind.

I collected some of her wetness with two of my fingers before raising them to circle her puckered hole, and she moaned in response to the new touch. Good. I wanted her to desire this as much as we did.

I slowly pushed a single finger in her ass, relishing in the way she thrust back against it, crying out around Steve’s cock. “That’s a good girl, taking my finger so easily inside this pretty little ass.” I had to slap one of her cheeks, I itched to see it bounce. She continued to move against my finger, so I figured it was safe to do the same.

Y/N’s P.O.V.

The second I felt Bucky’s finger inside my ass, I knew what the last silent conversation between him and the man whose cock was currently between my lips was about. And I couldn’t wait for it.

“Bucky, please…” I released Steve’s beautiful cock momentarily, too overcome with desire to be able to suck on it properly. “Please, give me another.” Abruptly, his lips left mine, and I looked over my shoulder to find him staring at me with wide eyes.“Oh, fuck, I wanna hear you moan my name again.”

“Put another finger in my ass and I will.” He didn’t wait another minute before doing just so, and I fucking cried out at the feeling of being stretched open, already yearning for the feeling of one of their cocks replacing Bucky’s fingers.

“Fuck, Y/N, I had no idea you were so into this. I love the way you look with my fingers deep inside your ass.” Fucking hell, Bucky’s mouth was just sinful. And he got his wish, because as I fucked myself back into his fingers, all I could say were versions of his name, under Steve’s watchful gaze. His cock throbbed in his fist, and that’s when I took it upon myself to stop Bucky’s actions.

“Okay, okay. Fuck, I need you inside of me right now. Both of you.” Steve reached out to pull me over his lap, so I was straddling him, and I took the opportunity to once again substitute his hand with mine, lightly jerking him off as I heard Bucky look around for some lube.

“Are you sure you can take us?” I cocked an eyebrow at the blond man underneath me, a true work of art. I wanted to play it off as irritated, but I could only find giddiness inside of me over everything that was happening, so I leaned down and captured his lips with mine, releasing his cock to rub myself against it.

“Just get inside of me, will ya?” I rubbed the mushroom head against my clit before slowly sinking down on him, biting my lip at the beautiful moan Steve released upon feeling my walls clamping on him. And then I braced myself for Bucky’s cock.

Ironically enough, as I gasped from the feeling of being so amazingly filled, they both hissed, four hands pressing down on me in a clear sign that they were already dangerously close to coming. I inhaled sharply, taking sick pleasure on the burn of being so stretched out as I waited for them to start moving. And when they did, I simply let myself go, allowing them to use my body as they thought best.

“Fuck, darling, do you know how fucking great it fells to be inside of you?” Steve asked, his hands cradling my face to pull me into another breathtaking kiss. “You’ve been teasing us like hell all those years, we were going crazy.”

Steve’s P.O.V.

“He’s right, baby girl.” Bucky couldn’t take his eyes away from mine as he continued, “Do you know how many times I fucked Steve in this very bed, pretending you were here too?” The sounds that were escaping her were better than any music, and it was getting harder and harder to focus on not bursting inside of her tight, wet pussy.

Both Bucky and I had been wanting her for so long, the need to worship every inch of her body was strong inside of us, but hopefully, we’d have other opportunities to take our time. For now, I knew we needed her to cum, and soon.

I pressed her clit as Bucky’s hands went to graze her nipples before harshly pulling on them, and she sobbed as her hands covered ours. “Please don’t stop, please.” Fuck. Hearing her beg was torture, but the sweetest one possible.

“C’mon, sweetheart. Cum around our cocks like a good girl. Don’t you want to be our good girl?” The fact that those words were the ones who did it for her brought us excitement like nothing else. So much so that when she finally relaxed, falling against my chest, it only took a little incentive for us to meet our highs, too.

“Do you like that, doll? Do you like the idea of being ours? Our sweet, pretty girl?” Bucky was brushing her hair away from her face so we could get a better look of her, but all we got was another sob as she trembled in my arms. 

“Please be ours, sweetheart,” I urged, holding her face so she’d look me in the eyes. “Say you’ll be ours.”

“Fuck, yes, I’m yours, I’m yours.” As both of our cocks twitched inside of her, an explosion of wetness started to drip on the duvet underneath our bodies, all the while Y/N’s body kept trembling.

“Did you just… squirt?” My husband’s face was priceless, and I didn’t need to look down to know that his cock still hadn’t softened, despite the strengths of our orgasms.

“There’s a lot you still don’t know about me,” she yawned, adjusting her head on my chest, my cock still throbbing inside of her warm heaven. “Classes start in twenty minutes. The professor just needs a quick nap for now.”

➡ click here to read about the progression of their relationship

[yostresswritinggirl]

Alatus' Weakness

Even the strongest, mightiest men carry with them their ultimate weakness. And when it is under the wrong hands, their power won't be enough to prevent them from crumbling... What is it? What was it that the Evil God took hold of that forced him to serve his evil deeds for years?

Pairings -> Alatus x Reader (Xiao)

Word Count -> 1350

Themes -> You won't find happiness here.

Series -> #SojournerSpecials (600 Followers Event)

Warnings -> This is punishment for Xiao forcing me to whale for him. As well as the Oceanid anons. (EDIT: THIS HAS MADE PEOPLE CRY, PLEASE READ AT YOUR OWN RISK)

The Yaksha of the wind dances in fluid whirlwinds as the breeze makes its rounds over the plains, his lightness barely wrinkles the green grass underneath his uncovered feet as the robes he dons flutters behind him.

It was so beautiful, he looked so ethereal.

And when his spear finally settles in a sharp swing, the force manifests into harmless gusts that sweeps the pasture for a second before straightening up again. Alatus had always been an agile dancer. And everyone in the village knows of this.

He offers a slight bow and a smile upon your loud clapping, so giddy of the exclusive performance that you were lucky to witness. It was a treasure that every local wishes to see beyond the battles he fights. Men and women alike yet out of them all it was you who was graced with this blessing.

"Beautiful as always, Alatus!" Your wide smile was infectious and his grin grows the closer he comes to you, arms finding its way around your waist and across your back in a soft hug. The giddiness continues as you turned into a giggly mess from his special affection, reciprocating with a tackle of a hug.

"Did you miss me that much?" He was answered by wordless nuzzles to his chest, making him chuckle and pull you closer.

Alatus was a great and powerful spear dancer, and he had been protecting the village you two reside in ever since. Gods and beings trekked the world commonly and it was too dangerous even for stationary communities. More so for those who lack the Vision to fight in the first place.

He was one, if not the only one capable enough to protect everyone. And many times he would go beyond the parameter to exterminate threats before they became an issue. Most of the time he disappears for a while during this expedition and then return triumphant as the village people greet him and praise him for his hardwork.

But at the end of the day, he settles down in your quiet home where he engulfs you protectively in his arms. There you two would exchange your tales during the span of his expedition, and he would indulge you in a showcase of his dances as compensation for his absence. The highlight of your day.

"There seems to be higher activity in the surrounding territories regarding monsters and Gods," he introduces the topic as he picks up the nian gao with wooden chopsticks, munching the soft treat as you poured a cup of tea to match the snack. "The other villages are asking me to patrol their parameters for a few days to at least clear some of them."

"There's been disturbances around here too," you worriedly chewed at your own snack as you two sat by the veranda of your home, watching the whole of the village from your spot over the cliff. This must be one of the reasons he liked staying here too, an easy access and overseer to the whole area for his duties.

Alatus hums in agreement but continues eating. The way he chews his meal was a telltale sign that there's a worry gnawing at the back of his head. And you had the same worry, except much lighter than his.

The growing tension between the Gods of Teyvat spurs on more turmoil at the news of Celestia's sudden challenge over the archons. And with such offers and desperation, powerless humans and villages had been wiped recently courtesy of the war.

It was a matter that didn't really bother him nor the village, but somehow it came back to him tenfold in multitudes of worry. He has a gut feeling. But Alatus cannot make himself turn away from the pleas of the people that call his name for saving grace.

"Come home soon," your smile snapped him back to reality upon knowing that he wouldn't just leave the other villages behind.

Yet when he left, there was still a gnawing anxiety at the bottom of his stomach.

Alatus for once... had lost his grace for in his hand his spear shakes in unspeakable fear. In front of him beyond the cliff's edge is the blazing ruins of a village he protected for years, day and night diligently. Monsters and men ravaged what's left and he tries to push away the guilt of ignoring them when he rushed immediately to his home.

To where his home should be.

"Alatus," the towering figure turned around to face him and his pupils dilated at the image, muscles flexing to dash when its hand raises in a motion to stop him, tutting mockingly at the warning. "Ah, ah, you wouldn't want them to die like this, would you?"

The being of pure evil had your unconscious form in its arms, a fight evident on your bruised and cut form as blood trickles from your forehead to the earth beneath. And on your head, the source of the wound, is a crown of thorns. He fights the urge to cry and vomit at the state you were in, at the state he could have prevented if he'd just STAYED.

"Please," his broken voice ghosted a smile on the God's face, "Please leave them alone."

"I'm afraid I can't do that," Alatus' heart sinks at the refusal with his gaze unfocusing at the difference in power. "After all, they're the one I wanted in the first place, everyone else is just collateral damage."

From that point forward, to preserve the little life force you have, Alatus was under the grasp of the evil god. Under his command he razes the villages he once protected, eating the dreams of the humans that only wish to live in peace. His hands of grace grips his spear with the stains of blood as he kneels in front of the evil God, its name he didn't bother to remember anymore at this point.

It smirks at him while over its hand floats a cube only a few inches bigger. Your cell, where you're cooped up with only a glow of deep blue indicating your existence within it. When he misbehaves he hears cries of agony from it, when he does very satisfactory he even gets to hold it but only that.

The years of painful service had wiped off his smile and most of his memories. Alatus had already forgotten your voice and your face at this point, only the humans and beings he had killed comes to his memories.

Soon after, he has only known the cube to hold something dear to him, a weakness that is a precious one he could not risk. When he tries to remember, he's reminded of a vague visage and a sweet taste on his tongue. If he could cry now he would. It was one of the only good things in his mind now even tho its details continue to ebb away with his horrific deeds.

And finally, like a light that shines through the canopy of the overhead trees, a being mighty enough to contend his evil master comes down to end his suffering.

Rex Lapis, the Geo Archon, the one the evil god desperately tries to overthrow died in his hands.

It is done, all of it. No more innocent blood should stain his hands. "The cube this god possessed is a cell." What should he do now? There was no other place to come back to, maybe the You that resides in the cube had any ideas, to start over. That sounds like a good idea.

"Alatus, was it?" His head slowly picks up from the blank stare it had on the ground.

"Yes, Rex Lapis?"

"Do you know of the one who resides within this cube?" There was a hesitance in Rex Lapis' voice that passed through him.

"They are someone that I know."

"It seems... that human... has perished 200 years ago in this cell."

Alatus, like that last day in a ruined village, had lost his grace when he collapses to the ground. His weakness and his hope both gone.

Seems to me my writing has been short lately

@moaa @dandelion-dreams @witchsungie @lehra @zelos-simp @legionqueensav @snackgod @rxsalinee @cala-ran @wind-wheel @lilydewi22 @yellowflowre @traveler-lumine @nonniechan @kookieyachi @struggljng @bunniesrorange @anormalguyreader

[bloodycassian]

 Cauldron Damned. 

Reader x Cassian + Feyre BFF

Prompt -  bestie bestie bestie a cassian x reader fic where reader helps feyre with the cauldron - not rhys and she ya know  like rhys did and cassian basically breaks down and it’s super angsty but rhys lives so the reader gets to aswell ig tag @ bellefleurs and @ eerievixen

Her hair was a mess and painted to her neck with sweat but you still held her. Still gave and gave, until you were out of breath. Until you could feel yourself slipping. "Keep going.... You're doing so good." You panted out, trying to put a smile in your tone. She was the Mother herself, forging that cursed Cauldron back together.  Rhys was breathing heavily behind you after being knocked out by Lucien. You had given the Autumn court son a look and he had known what you needed him to do. Rhys would be snarling mad when he woke, but you knew what you had to do. To save your home, to save the entire world. Feyre was ready to risk it all, fearless and full of hope. You had to save that hope for your Court. Better you than her, better the high lady and lord survive than just an officer. You smiled at the thought of what you'd told Cassian before this final battle. Before you knew it would turn into saving the entire world from the Cauldron's vengeance.  "You better make damn sure my memorial statue looks fantastic. No priestess, though. Make sure it makes my wings stand out." You joked on the flight to the base camp. Cassian danced around death like he was it's balancing point. Like he was in tune with each and every death or life dealt. He laughed at your abruptness on the subject.  After months of skittering around each other, of trying not to stare too long or acknowledge that pull you felt towards him... It was nice to finally be alone. To let that tension ease out with a few jokes. It was too easy to be with him, like you'd known him much longer in the year of preparation for this battle.  "And you better make sure my wings are bigger than yours on that sculpture." He banked around a large cliffside and you followed, like a magnet. Like you could read his mind, you turned when he did. He rose with you, compensating for the cool mountain wind.  You rolled your eyes dramatically, flapping a bit higher than him for emphasis as you drawled out "Poor War General, his wing size matters so much to him." He shrugged, circling lower and lower with you until you were on the ground together amid a clearing. The grass was soft, covered in early morning dew. "Some say wing size dosen't matter, you know." You said with a wink, making him double over with laughter. It made you begin laughing too when he started running out of breath.  Once you had both collected yourselves, You began building a fire together. Rather, a massive bonfire that was to act as the signal to the army for where to move. His face was grim when he threw the last of the logs together. You understood why. "The Kings army will be here before us." You said, voice low. He only nodded. You kneeled in the wet grass, one knee down the other one supporting your wrist bracer. He followed you silently.  You spoke in unison, the ancient words from all the Illyrian warriors before you: "Name me God of Death today. Let us bring that name to those who do us wrong." + Feyre muttered something you couldn't hear. The darkness crept further in on you. You could see some light between your blurred vision. You could see how her hands lit up the cracks in the ancient stonework. You could feel her practically vibrating with the strain.  Your tears dribbled on to her shoulder, knowing these would be your final moments with her. Your final moments in this world. There was no better way you'd spend it than saving her. Spending those last few minutes being able to tell her how amazing she was. You felt her smile when you leaned your head against hers. Your heart ached. You whispered what you hoped were encouraging words in her ear. A rupture of sound- a crack fully mended -and your chest filled with blooming pride at your friend.  There was something crackling, ripping. You weren't sure if it was inside you or if it was the magic Feyre was performing. There was a gasp behind you and rustling, but you dared not take your concentration away from her. Away from how she leaned back into you. Dared not speak a word to distract her other than giving her those little jabs of confidence when she started to shake.  "You got it, Feyre. You can do this." You managed, before that caving feeling in your chest seemed to give in. You were breaking, you knew that much. But she wasn't done yet. Your breath leaked out from you, like you were being squeezed.  "Make it all worth it, Feyre." You managed to whisper out before you could no longer hold yourself up anymore. You laid back, your legs wrapped around her, mirroring her own. You hooked a foot on top of hers and gave her what you could from where you crumpled.  Death was easy, slow. Like a soft lullaby taking you away. You knew what lay before your body, and only hoped you were enough to get Feyre to where she could mend the rest on her own. You gave her all of your soul, all your being. She had to make it. You let the wave of that soft lullaby take you under.  + Cassian didnt think before shoving his way through the crowd into the tent. Didnt consider what he might find there, and how his heart may be ripped from him at the sight of it. The death that crept at that tent was a feeling he wouldnt forget in a thousand lifetimes.  His best friends lying unconscious on the floor before the cauldron. He went numb, still like a cold glacier. Lucien frantically shook Rhys, attempting to wake him. Cassian's head roared and he was falling to his knees at your side. He took your head in his lap, gently. As if he could still hurt you. He didn't notice he was crying until he saw the fat teardrops on your cheek. He wiped them away, leaving dirt smeared there. Another yell of anguish, and Rhys was coming to. From the sound of the yelling or from Lucien shaking him.  Azriel entered the tent then, solemn. Then his eyes widened. Those shadows darted around the room, taking each member of the court into account. The shadowmaster rushed to Feyre, checking her pulse and sighing. He noted the way your leg tangled around hers. His heart gave a painful squeeze. He saw both his brothers in agony. And he swore on his life there would be no place for the cauldron to be found again. Cassian cradled his mate's head in his lap, rocking gently. Rhys' dark power cracked the sky outside the tent once he was conscious.  Rhys rushed to Feyre, scooping her in his arms. He brushed her hair back from her face. Azriel could practically hear the mental screaming coming from both of them. The shadowmaster laid a hand on top of yours, closing his eyes and letting his tendrils of power, of those whispering shadows reach out. They circled your head, slowly like a snake.  He felt that song then, singing back with his own. The essence of your soul, dancing around your aura.  His eyes flashed open in surprise, then a manic laugh rumbled from his chest. "Rhys-" He breathed, pulling his attention away from a waking Feyre. Cassian looked up in a flash at his brothers, watching them exchange looks.  "Bring my mate back now." Cassian growled at Rhys. The tone was utterly deadly. Promises of death from the Lord of Bloodshed if his command was not answered. Azriel's eyes darted between his brothers. As if he was expecting Cassian to attack. The high lord would have been gaping at him if he hadn't experienced the same pain of almost losing a mate. He nodded, pulling himself together long enough to enter your vacant mind. Then the cauldron was humming, as he dipped a mental hand into it as well. +  Rhys' commanding voice rang out over your land of lavender and sunshine. "She will miss you." His voice was soft, but the attention it drew was still there. The meadow you laid in was softer than any silk in Velaris. More luxurious than any chair made to accompany your wings. You sighed, taking in the sweet scent before he spoke again.  "Too much, I believe. Especially when she hears about what you did to save her." He appeared at the edge of the soft meadow, the grass around him waving like the sea. You sat up, dazzled at the sight of him here. In such a bright, lovely place. His tanned face seemed to glow with the smile he held for you. "I'm tired." You said, voice groggy. You wanted to lay back down. You closed your eyes, for just a second and when you opened again he was in front of you, crouched. He held a tattooed hand out, giving you a nod. "Just come with me and you can nap all you want." His eyes sparkled. Not with that starlit power, but with tears ready to spill over.  You took that hand and closed your eyes.  + Feyre's warm hand in yours was the first thing you felt when you woke. Rhys held her in the corner atop a pelt rug beside you. The brothers leaned against each other. Rhys played with Feyre's hair as she rested. The sight of them together, him protecting her so well made your heart sing in approval. you knew she always deserved someone as good as Rhys. The fire where the Cauldron once was made the tent cozy. There were no sounds other than the soft breathing and the occasional pop of wood on the fire.   Azriel sat at the door, sword on his lap. Ready to kill if anyone dared enter. Then, you looked to the softness that cradled you. Cassian's face was covered in dirt, blood and more. He looked exhausted. Like he had been beaten, lost and beaten again. You tried a weak smile at him.  Clean rivers ran down from his eyes, revealing the dark skin underneath. "I couldn't let you get a statue without me." He said, voice trembling. You smiled the best you could and reached a hand to stroke his cheek.  "How-" You began, but he shushed you. "Just..rest for now. We can talk in the morning." He brushed a thumb over a silent tear that trickled from your eye. You nodded, and let him pull the blanket more firmly around you. Lulling you to sleep with soft humming.

[ariel-seagull-wings]

TOP 12 SNOW WHITE PORTRAYALS

@princesssarisa​ @superkingofpriderock​ @sunlit-music​ @mademoiselle-princesse​ @amalthea9​ @theancientvaleofsoulmaking​ @astrangechoiceoffavourites​ 

Lips red as blood. Skin white as snow. Hair black as ebony. The fairest woman of all.

Snow White is one of the most iconic fairy tale characters ever created. And also  one of the hardest to portray. This happens because, the story is less about her as a person, and more about following her exploration of the world and how this world reacts to her. The tale calls her a princess, but really she is more meant to be a common everygirl for a variety of readers and audiences to see themselves in. So the greatest challenge to portray the character becomes how to make at the same time universally relatable, and an individual character, and today, i’d like to share my favorite portrayals, that camed closer in acomplishing this goal.

12º Laura Berlin in Sechs Auf Einen Streich (2009)

Berlin’s Snow White acts as an outgoing, playfull young lady who deep down is trying to deal with the longing for her dead mother. And then, her father marries a new, vain and cruel woman, and sayed woman orders that the portrait of the previous queen be trown out, wich obviously makes the princess verbally snap against her father weak-willed and her tyranical stepmother. And then her father has a stroke and her stepmother orders her death. Here is a young lady in an emotinal turmoil and distress, wich makes her very relatable to audiences.

11º Nicola Stapleton and Sarah Paterson in Canon Movie Tales: Snow White (1987)

One of the first times that we see the fair princess explicitly growing up from child to young adult. Nicola Stapleton is probably more charismatic as child! Snow White, having more time on scene where she gets to sing with her father, explore the room where her stepmother keeps the magic mirror, until finally having to run trough the woods and meeting the dwarfs, but Sarah Paterson also makes adult! Snow White likable, singing about her desire to someday leave the dwarfs house because she is growing and may need her own space, and showing the doubt between fear and curiosity in her interactions with her disguised stepmother. This highlights more the themes of coming of age and confronting ones fears from the tale.

10º Yuri Amano/Donatella Fanfani/Eileen Stevens in The Legend of Snow White (1994)

In this italian-japanese coproduced anime, the twelve year old Snow White is an inquisitive, merry and kind girl, that has to adapt to a more scary reality when she has to run away from the castle to not be killed. At the dwarfs house, where she is so hungry and tired she takes all bread from a basket and sleeps for hours, she decides to give her hazelnuts and try to do shores to compensate for entering the house and eating the bread. Unfortunally, being a princess who lived in comfort all her life, she fails hard when she tries to do domestic shores, burning bread and cutting lettuce that she tought were garden plagues. But she is so sweet and kind, that it doesn’t matter. Conquering the affection of people for who she is, and not for what she can do in exchange, is the greatest strenght of this encarnation.

09º Elizabeth McGovern in Faerie Tale Theatre (1984)

A lonely girl who just wants some atention and love. Those are the characteristics that McGovern’s Snow White extablishes for herself in her first appearance, trying to impress her stepmother with juggling tricks learned with the Court Jester. Later, in the forest, when she is about to be stabbed, she prays to God for the soul of the Huntsman who is about to kill her, and to her surprise this act of kindness is what changes the Huntsman’s heart and convinces him to spare her life. In the woods she finds the dwarfs cottage, and can finally have friends to talk about things like her nostalgia for swiming in the castle moat/pit. She won’t feel alone again. 

08º Kristin Kreuk in Snow White: The Fairest of them All (2001)

In this Hallmark TV Movie, Kreuk gives a 16 year old Snow White who searches friendship in garden gnomes. In a way, she expands the theme of loneliness explored by McGovern, and goes deeper about it, relating sayed loneliness with beauty: she is an awkward and melancholic person, who feels that people only care with her pretty appearance, but don’t actually come close to truly meet her as a person. In a lesser hand, this idea of a person who thinks being considered beautifull is hard could sound absurd and over dramatic, but the screenwriters and Kreuk’s sincere performance make it a compelling dilema.

07º Natalie Minko in Schneewitchen (1992)

An energetic fifteen year old, who likes to run around to play with the Court Jester, and mess up the kitchen while doing pancakes that glue in the ceiling. Minko’s Snow White is one of the few Snow White’s who is allowed to act as a normal teenager: she makes messes, she sometimes verbally fights with people, she constantly questions the adults around her, all the wille still being a genuinelly kind hearted person pursuing the path of truth.

06º Tamara Rojo in Emilio Aragon’s Blancanieves (2005)

I loved watching the DVD of this ballet production over and over as a kid. Trough dance movements, Tamara Rojo gives us a gracious and fun princess. Whetever she goes, a party will always start.

05º Adriana Caselotti in Disney’s Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs (1937)

My first portrayal of Snow White. The Disney version was raised working as a palace scullery maid, wich her stepmother hoped would make her ugly. But that didn’t work. She grows beautifull in body and soul: her singing voice is so sweet it is enough to make a dashing Prince fall in love with her, the animals are always engaged by her joyfull and sassy conversations, and she has a firm way of talking that assures a position of leadership among both the animals and the dwarfs who later befriend her. Really, she is awesome. What can i say about her that hasn’t been sayed already?

04º Marguerite Clark in Snow White (1916)

The version that inspired Walt Disney to make his version. Based on a 1912 stage play, this is the version that extablished being raised as a palace scullery maid as the reason Snow White is good with domestic tasks despite being a rich princess. Clark’s Snow White is also compassionate, sweet, romantic and dreamy, and she mix those qualities with some energy and spunkiness, being an almost wild girl.

03º Carol Heiss in Snow White and The Three Stooges (1961)

The sass, spunkiness and sweet romanticism are back, but with a new adition: an athletic hobby. Carol Heiss was originally a golden medal winner olimpic ice skater, and this movie was made to capitalize in her popularity at the time (along with reviving the Three Stooges popularity). So, we extablish in this version that the heroine who is linked to the snow loves the winter, and one of the most popular sports in this season. No other version before or after that did this, even tough its the most obvious and most awesome thing to do with the character. Ad to that the (uncredited) singing voice dubbed by Norma Zimmer, and you have one of the most complete portrayals of Snow White: she is beauty, she is grace, she can sing, she can cook and she can ice skate. She is the most interesting woman that ever lived.

02º Sakiko Tamagawa/Julie Maddalena in Grimm’s Fairy Tale Classics (1989)

Orphaned from her mother at birth and having a father who is always too busy rulling the kingdom to pay attention to her, this version of Snow White grows up raised by a nurse named Doris, and playing on the garden with a young boy named Klaus. Her favorite pass time is to climb trees to pick apples, her favorite fruit. But one day her stepmother, who for years has been ignoring her, calls the princess to her chamber, and asks if she thinks herself to be most beautifull than the Queen. Annoyed with the absurd of the question, Snow White calls her stepmother out in her vanity. What follows is her running away, having to survive as a fugitive. Getting lost from her Klaus and stumbling in a root, she crawls for her life, until being saved by the seven dwarfs and their wolf friends. Time passes, and she finds a bit of fullfilment while slowly learning to do domestic chores to help the dwarfs, and finding friendship in the wolfs and a giant black bear. But she still craves to reunite with her friend Klaus and to find some love, while the Queen’s menace lures in the air.

And now the moment everyone was expecting... My number one favorite portrayal of Snow White is:

01º Camryn Manhein in The 10th Kingdom (2000)

I know what are you thinking: “Wait, a two episode cameo in a tv minisseries, instead of a protagonist, this is your favorite”? Yes. Yes, she is. In the Hallmark minisseries The 10th Kingdom, a young lady from the real world comes to the magical world to help to disenchant a Prince that has been turned into a dog. This dog prince is Snow White’s grandson. And then the heroes arrive at the Dragon Mountain in the 09th Kingdom, and Virginia has a conversation with the spirit of the late Snow White for counsel. And Snow White counsels Virginia by simply telling her story of once being an afrayed, lonely lost girl in the woods, finding new friends in the dwarfs, suffering three murder attempts from her stepmother, being aesleep for years with the poisoned apple in her troat, until the Prince’s servants stumbled with her casket so she could trow away the apple piece, so she could finally live happily ever after. While she narrates the tale, she says that she knew the danger presented by the ribbons, the comb and the apple, but she also knew that she could hide in the dwarfs cottage, afrayed to be hurt, forever. And her husband was a good man, but she saved herself from death. With that dialogue, Manheim’s sensitive and wise Snow White ressignified the fairy tale for me, making me appreciate better the story and her character. And that is why she my number one portrayal of the fairest princess of all.

HONORABLE MENTIONS: Elke Arendt in Schneewitchen (1955), Maresa Hörbiger in Schneewitchen (1971) and Elaine Bilstad as White Snow in Happily Ever After: Fairy Tales for Every Child (1995).