#i wrote like 40 pages of one but then i DIDNT LIKE IT so now idk what to do

[scarlct-vvitch]

what if i got back into spideypool again. what then

[inevitably-johnlocked]

i have a confession

recently i had some trouble and had to delete an email

problem is, i used the google docs there to write my fics. and i thought i downloaded them all, but only one of my major ones did, and i lost everything else

literally all of it

i am anonymous because i lost my tumblr acc but on ao3 i am veetheree, and i had this longer dilemma regarding my potterlock fic (pretty disillusioned with rowling and all.that, unsure whether to continue) but even so i saw that a lot of people subscribed to it and i wanted to at least see where the story leads, i had over 300k words apart from the 40k i published

and i domt hve it anymore :') i didnt check the process because it seemed okay and i had other uni and work stuff to take care of, and now i check it and :') it's gone :')) im not doing well, and i am going to delete the fic i think

i dont have the energy to maintain it and i dont want it to be left in the dust either - i have lost all hope for it, and this is just a punch in the gut. and i was proud of the plot and how i intertwined the 2 worlds too

this is mostly just a rant because i dont really have anybody else who can relate to the pain of fic writing and the challenges that come with it

also, as to why i had to delete the email - it's complicated, hacking situation and such, but it happened over 2 months ago so im not able to retrieve it and neither do i really feel like looking into it, im done with that fic for good 😭

that's all, thank you for being a safe space for me to go to, and i apologise to anyone who was waiting for that fic to be updated :(

Hey Lovely *HUGS*

OH GOODNESS, I'm SO sorry you had a garbage time with your email, and even more so, accidentally deleted fics from your Google Drive without saving all of them. I'm TERRIFIED of losing my own fics from my G-Drive all the time (I do actually write and have about 15 "snippets" of fics on there) and back them up religiously.

That said, I can understand how life can overtake literally everything and just make being online Too Much™ – happens to me all the time 💜🖤. And I know how disheartening it can be to just... not have the motivation anymore to continue on with something, heaven knows I've done that plenty in my 40 years, LOL. And Lovely, we have to remember to do what's best for us in the long run.

When I was a teen, I wrote a fairly popular Sonic fanfic series that I never completed, literally left it on a cliffhanger. This was back before even FFNet, and fics were distributed in the Sonic fandom on our Geocities pages via Webring, LOL. After life took over, it still remains unfinished over 20 years later. I recently found the original word docs of all 9 of the stories (with the 10th one half-finished) and while I cringe at my bad writing from back then, I still love immersing myself in that world. One of these days, maybe I'll finish it, because I do think it was a great concept and intriguing storyline that dealt a lot with humanity and sentience, just obviously written by a teenager, hahaha.

The point of that anecdote? We can still love the things we wrote, and still want to engulf ourselves in that world from time to time and not feel bad about it. And if you decide to come back to it a decade from now, that's okay too. You're only human.

And never EVER hesitate to come here for a friendly eyeball to vent to. I try my best to make y'all feel not so alone. Glad to see you are okay, Vee, truly. That's what's most important.

*SNUGGLE BUGGLE HUGGLE* I hope you have a beautiful, prosperous day. And I'm sure your fic-fans understand <3

[wollemi-whump]

🍓🌵🍄

🍓 ⇢ how did you get into writing fanfiction?

When I started plotting fanfic versus when I started actually physically writing it is different. I was always so sad when bad things happened in my shows :( that I would just make up fix-its (though I didnt call them that because I was five) where all the characters were happy (I watched a lot of adult shows, sad things were happening all the time).

When I was old enough for school, I would always use character names for my worksheets (god. there were three. if youve been on tumblr for five minutes you can take a guess which three.)

For assignments, I wrote stories inspired by shows and movies I'd seen (usually very dark and definitely not for children lmao). Perhaps the most obvious example of this was the 22-page story I wrote in fifth grade which was a blatant Charmed x Supernatural crossover with most of the character names changed. (I think the funny thing was I didn't even include the sisters, just a side character they had helped in one episode who was the protagonist of my story. Saying this now, that's about as fanfic as u can get lol).

The first piece of actual fanfiction I can find is a 15-line fic I made when I was twelve. The 2nd was a 40 word whump snippet. The third was a 350 word crackfic (same fandom as the first).

I seemingly took a break for a while as I discovered you could read other people's fanfiction and promptly devoted all my free time to it.

I continued physically writing but it was all original fiction, not fanfic. I started physically writing fanfic snippets again (whump) a few years ago for an interest of mine and eventually started doing it for more fandoms, leading to now where I'm working on completing my ~10k White Collar fic.

🌵 ⇢ share the link to a playlist you love

I actually don't listen to any playlists surprisingly, except my own which are just grouped by genre. I do enjoy "Grand Canyon Suite" by Ferde Grofé. Love "Painted Desert". I also like the soundtrack for the game A Short Hike.

🍄 ⇢ share a head canon for one of your favourite ships or pairings

I like to think the Neal celebrates all the holidays with the Burke's. It's already established he goes to their house a lot, but I like the idea of them doing various holiday things especially since Neal likely never got the best version of that growing up.

Thanks for the ask!!! :D

[wifiwuxians]

quick aside for my moment of befuddlement because ive always misunderstood the idiom "like a house on fire" LOL. i always thought it was a passive aggressive way of saying "dude, we would destroy each other lets not talk" so when i first read that I was like ??? context??? doesnt match??? did they misunderstand the idiom? DID I? then i googled it and you're right lol its a nice thing. (tho now i wanna put that in a fic bc i think that would be a delightful misunderstanding for characters to have). IM SO GLAD I MADE UR FUNK SLIGHTLY LESS FUNKY THO. you're great and you're super sweet ;w; if i had more self-confidence, i would definitely jump at the opportunity to befriend. maybe when i get more gutsy

BACK TO THE SONG LAN HATE THO. im sorry, im still in shock. just HOW. also..... how is my interpretation of them not the common one??? again, i stay so strictly to my lane i didnt know other lanes existed and i definitely dont want to hear about it bc i think song lan hate would hurt my heart. it already hurts my heart sometimes when i see xue yang hate and XUE YANG DESERVES IT. literally i despair at media literacy sometimes. i absolutely cannot understand how anyone consumed the same content as we did and decided to be mean to song lan.

YOU ARE ABSOLUTELY A FAVORITE ARTIST, DUDE. have you fucking SEEN your stuff?!? like, are you as blind as xiao xingchen? (my sweetie, may he forever regain his sight). your art is GORGEOUS. absolutely worthy of being a fav artist and i am sure im not the only one. for starters, your pieces always have a depth to them that sets them in a scene so freaking beautifully EVEN WHEN THERES NO BG or even in your more simplified styles. when you come out with a "silly phone doodle of xue yang", i see the freaking SKILL needed to make THAT adorable lil gremlin as just a 'silly doodle'. like BRO, youre so skilled that i think youve lost depth of how good an artist you really are. i wish i was smarter with art words so i could tell you in color theory exactly why your colors are so beautiful but im dumb and all i know is "color pretty" BUT SINCE I CAN PORTRAY STUFF WITH WORDS SOMETIMES i'll try to just express how your colors alone can evoke emotion and tell a story, how you use the contrast to make your art pop off the page, the way that the colors caress a scene and show so much more inside. its beautiful, your art is beautiful, i can look at a piece for such a long time and still find interesting details that make me smile. oki i'll stop beng weird now but like NEVER DOUBT YOU'RE FREAKING SKILL BRO. (shit i didnt even get to how your animations just break my brain oeuihgo i love)

lolololol dw abt telling me about the cannibalisms piece, i look Specifically disrespectfully at that one. not big into cannibalism but damn dude, there is a Mood to that piece and frankly, something that messed up sort of suits them on their worst days euorhgioeurh i like me a fluff au or a fix-it fic but damn those two can get Dark.

My otps are often rarepairs ;A; i never do it on purpose, im normally jumping headfirst into a more popular ship but then i just See the potential in two other lil guys and im like.... holdup, wait is no one else seeing those two??? AM I THE ONLY ONE WITNESSING THIS? (yes, yes i am). And the hyperfixation begins and its just me alone at a bar with no bartenders so i make my own food. but im a weird lil guy so my cocktails are always strange and im alone at the bar lol. tbh songxue is one of my LESS rarepair rarepairs. like... theres actually fics that i didnt write for them LOL. (there was one fandom where there were 40 fics for a ship and i wrote all 40. i am a sad and lonely lil loser lol)

(scuse me one of my fav artists said they think i'd write my otp well, i can die happy oaierhgoeirh i actually do write ff for songxue but hahaha im still just a silly anon but its rlly good to know that the person i think characterizes them best in the fandom (that ive seen) thinks i would do a good job with them aoeghuihr thankyou for the high praise, i guarantee i dont deserve it)

(sometimes i've wondered if the reason you draw/write them so well is bc you dont ship them? weird take but like, shippers have shipping goggles right? we see what we wanna see a lot of the time. but since you just think they'd be neat standing next to each other (much agree), you actually put thought into their characterizations and personality instead of just "this is how they'd F*CK" or smth similar. and bc the personalities and stuff mean way more to me than sexy stuff (thats the whole reason i ship them! their personalities!) the fact that even your crack stuff has such a good basis in who they are as people makes your content just so good. whereas sometimes i see content by shippers (no disrespect meant, everyone ships in their own way), its very actively ooc, usually for a kink fill, and im just... but what abt their personalities? what abt the whole reason i think they'd be good together if given the chance?! WHAT ABOUT THEM? and then u come around drawing them like that and i just wish more people portrayed them the way you do. this isnt meant as like an anti-smut thing, i like smut, its just that sometimes pwp is just two strangers who happen to have the character names of my blorbos and literally nothing else in common and theyre my BLORBOS. more power to people who like that stuff, i will stay in my lane and bother this poor lovely person who doesnt even like the ship but is kind enough to see their potential to be pals cuz damn im in it for the emotions)

heh heh yeah it means we'd get along well but i like that interpretation too and think it would make a great story!! here's to you becoming more gutsy! (though again you're very free to use an alt or something!)

genuinely why i don't go looking lmao... song lan fans are so fucking strong to have to deal with the shit people have said BUT nowadays the climate seems to be a lot better :D i see lots of thirst for him at least KFHKDJ and my appreciation post of him has 800 notes so that's hopeful at least! but same i don't get it at all (though honestly i will say a lot of character hate stems from shipping. legit.) but yeah regarding xy hate for me it's gotta be for the "right" reasons LMAO

LJHLFHFD ALL THE COMPLIMENTS MY BRAIN CANT TAKE EM!!!! genuinely!!! THANK YOU!!!! i do often tell myself 'your stuff doesn't have to be perfect it just has to spark joy' to feel better about not rendering a piece to hell and back and mostly taking the lazy route, though this year i really wanna branch out and try more! but all of this has shot me in the heart... emotion to me is the most important part of art, and one of my favorite responses to get is laughter, and you don't need a 4K HD piece for that haha BUT LISTEN YOURE NOT WEIRD EVERY ARTIST I KNOW WOULD KILL TO HEAR THIS im gonna frame it. but after ive printed and eaten another copy like wow you think i set the scene ;_; will cry (agsjdhf sorry i really do read everything im just. PROCESSING!!!)

ahaha yeah for sure! i do love me some cannibalism (i am the cannibal friend) but absolutely that was just intended as a very dark place. song lan has Had it (the premise was xy thinking hey, he likes me, let me remove the nails i am sure everything will be fineOHNOOO)

oh dude i have chronic rarepair disease. most of what i ship is stuff i've come up with myself so any content is me + 2 souls maximum who i have managed to drag with me and make content KSGKFJ (case in point, xuechao) i just have this compulsion to do what nobody else has done

(you do deserve it! and dont go looking i wanna keep being the one who portrays them best :p)

and hey maybe because YES!!!! my work almost exclusively stems from personality oh my god thank you for acknowledging that i think that is the highest praise of all... how their personalities gel together is SUPER important for me, shipping or otherwise!! i'm telling you you and i would get along really well since we agree on the fundamentals i think! like yeah there's nothing wrong with some good old self indulgence but ooc takes me out of stuff a fair bit, and trust me i feel like most people would think MY stuff is ooc! but the thing about the strangers with blorbo names made me laugh so hard lhKDHJAfhsg i am so guilty of that in the past, i've read my old stuff and i'm just like damn. i just projected onto these dudes. NO MORE (it is bound to still happen privately but hey, ultimately, write what you want to read)

song lan and xue yang, in the 'if given the chance' realm, have exactly my favorite type of duo dynamism which is why i cannot stop drawing them lol like some funky spin on boke/tsukkomi... generally speaking ">:D -_-" is visually my favorite thing to draw haha and again! i wanna say it's not an all-out global dislike, i just a) understand most people are NOT coming at it from where i am so it doesn't interest me/makes me sad, and B) understand WHY people wouldn't be into it. because wow. um. ouch. that sure is some shit

i am gonna take a moment to plug an author i think you might really enjoy, pomegranites on ao3 (@pometogo on here!) ! i can't speak for Every flavor in there being to your tastes but there are definitely a fair few fics that made me bonkers, namely not easily let go, written for song lan love week :D

[seekinginnerwisdom]

I am an older female INFP and I first took the test as a teen and have consistently gotten the same results, regardless of website or version of test. And I was always kinda secretly proud to be one because my mom was struggling with my teen sister's bipolar/hormone powered rage and my dad, I think, was one of us too. He was a reserved, weird, sweet, unfocused mess who avoided conflict unless drafted (little war humor, get it from my dad). So I became my mom's confidant which made me feel helpful and special at the time but i now know probably wasnt "healthy".

Fast forward to now and I've earned a number of invisible "survivor of *insert trauma*" medals for myself. And just recently earned myself a small one for "surviving break up with first boyfriend after divorce" Its doesnt have a catchy title and I dont know how I they fit all the words on such a small surface but I'm proud of my small accomplishment. 13 years married, 6 years single, 2.5 years with him...alone again.

Shouldn't I be devastated longer than a week? He did it really poorly, too. Asked for a break a week before which took me by surprise, then 4 days later he told me he loved me and didnt want to break up but still needed time to figure things out, a few days later and its I want to be your friend but nothing more.

It was a back and forth conversation and he's telling me he's not attracted to me anymore and quickly adds "it's not because of the weight" (to clarify I have been struggling with my stomach and have lost 40 lbs which sounds great, unless you weren't overweight before and now I look like a skeleton). When he said that I couldn't help but laugh in that hurt way, where its brevity and pain mixed with a scoff (just me?) And not expecting a reply I rolled my eyes away from him and ask "so it's just me as a person" and there wasnt much hesitation before I hear a soft but steady "yes" behind me. As you can imagine, I didnt respond well to having my entire existence be rejected so i did something he had never seen me do. I yelled at him and kicked him out of my car. Then I tried to go back to work. Yup, he broke up with me in the middle of the work day. I'm sorry this is so long and I even skipped parts.

I left early and took a pill or two more than recommended and just ran away from consciousness as fast as modern medicine could get me there. (I dont post much so I dont know if I need to worry about responses but I took low doses of anti anxiety meds that wouldnt harm me unless i consume the whole bottle. I took 1 mg more than normal. Dont attack me). I got him to be more specific in his choice of break up methods the next week after texting to let him know I wrote a 7 page goodbye letter and how he has come out of this looking like a psychopath.

Is it an INFP thing? When someone hurts me or angers me and I'm trying to speak it's a lot of ums or long pauses. But hand me a pen or a keyboard and fill me will righteous rage...you cant stop me. If I know anything at all about you then you will receive a paragraph like you are reading right now filled with oddly observational criticism, I will hit upon at least one thing your sensitive about and end it all with a guilt trip so strong only the Catholically trained can weather it well.

I think he was afraid of the letter because he had been receiving the texts but not replying. He responded pretty quickly after that. After days of contradicting actions, trains of thought that burst into flames as it derailed and red string theory memes he finally told me that his decision to take a break, reassure me and then dump me in such an abrupt manner on a workday, twice btw, was because he really hadn't thought about it...

Now this is going to sound strange but I am so glad my exhusband had been abusive because it taught me control. Otherwise I would have hit him. Who does that?! Im 99% sure he wasnt lying because he's a blunt INTJ and he explained his incomprehensible thought process earlier and I've had previous experience with his type of obliviousness. He really didnt mean to hurt me, he doesnt have any social circle to speak of so when planned this whole thing his feedback was a crowd of 1.

But I saved the best for last. He appears to genuinely like me and really doesnt want to lose me. He wants to be friends...and my dumb ass said yes. With a caveat that the second he starts dating I'm out. I dont do lover to friends. I'm possessive and wont share. So as long as he stays single I'll be his friend. I know I'm dumb. I know I'm just going to be hurt by another display of thoughtlessness from him. But except for the week of hell I've been truly happy with him until I got sick. He's a jerk. I deserve better. But did you know, that INFP can be shallow too. I didnt until i met him. He is so pretty (in my eyes, he is definitely not to everyone's taste) and 7 years younger and he picked me 2.5 years ago. I am not pretty. Hard marriage, lifetime of depression, rather read another chapter than apply a layer of makeup, etc. but he eavesdrop me talking to my work friend and liked what he heard and asked me out.

God I'm dumb. Wow. I'm so sorry. It just happened today and I needed to let it out and when it started I tried another forum to get perspective from similar wired people as my boyfriend so I could do whatever was best for him and some responses were productive and informative if a tad blunt. One or two tried with all their might to be kind and I love them for that. The rest can burn in hell. I know I'm what people consider an "unhealthy" version of my type but I've just been considering myself a survival INFP. I think we all get broken a lot thanks to our inner compass. And when we build ourselves back up again our structure gains or loses new aspects. My corners are sharper, and someone broke my glasses so things arent clear all the time and when my belief in human goodness broke off I wasnt able to find all the pieces but it's still there. I'm still here. And now I will shut up. Sorry again. Still gonna post it though! :p

[callousdegenerate]

critical comments hurt but they dont usually go without point. I've gotten a good few of them lately, and I want to sort of address things about the story I'm a little disheartened with (no hard feelings to critics whatsoever! its just me going on a little self-analytic expedition in response to more frequent criticisms)

I know I said I'd keep my self-criticisms explicitly for the end of the story, but I feel like giving this a go. (Besides, this is not the whole of what I'll say when the story does end. Just a part of it.)

I do think people forget just how directionlessly this story started and how that really contributed to things down the line. I figured this would go down after maybe 20-30 chapters but kept on trucking anyway. I didnt know what I was going to do with it then. I guess it'd have helped if I knew way beforehand what I wanted rather than playing it by ear, but maybe that's not an excuse when a lot of people know how to improvise effectively. I never figured that out.

The result of this being so badly improvised (even with me planning ideas/chapters in advance to some degree) is that it does feel very jumbled and slow, and narratively unsound. I get that.

It's been a while since I've written, and it's been even longer since I wrote anything that wasn't a short story. I feel like I'm messing this up really bad because of how easy it is to predict the story beats, but I am trying. I knew from the get-go that this was going to be an imperfect beast, and I knew that I needed to focus on writing this for myself. This project has been a rather interesting exercise for me and even though I'm trying to find ways to wrap the main story of a somewhat unlikable protagonist up, I know many readers are tired of the formulaic aspects of it. Even I catch myself going "you've said this before" yet I struggle to stop myself from cutting it out. I'm not sure why, but maybe I'm out of practice. I never used to be this wordy. I was once seen as a very effective writer, but I haven't been able to replicate past successes here, and nobody would ever get that impression based on this story.

I feel bad that I have to be more lore-descriptive in parts of TF beyond the main story because of how much surrounds this place and how limited our knowing of it is through Ten, but I made my decision and I will deal with it. I feel as if the shift in POV and focus will make these a little better, and potentially far more liked than the main work itself. I can't predict that now, but it's something I feel will happen.

I think another crux to how this has been written is that I wanted chapters to be longer. After some of the first major long chapters, I kept wanting to write more and more. When big things started happening, it was exciting! But then (likely after Jay) things started to lose focus to some degree, and I do feel terribly guilty about it because I still wanted to keep writing smut while incorporating sprinkles of plot. It's hard to balance the visit-rest / POV rules I set for myself and still produce an effective and concise story. People aren't even really reading the smut anymore because the story slowly stopped being focused on just that and drew reader interest to the plot itself, so when the plot doesn't go very quickly, it is disappointing. I understand that. I think what this story wanted to be is very hard to place because it changed from chapter 1 to chapter 60 to chapter 70 and so on.

Even when I try to limit my chapters to 20 pages now, because of the notes in each chapter I want to hit, it ends up almost twice that, depending. I also forget very minor details sometimes even with all the notes I've made for myself, so I may forget entirely that I've said something already in a different way. I also struggle finding a cohesive way to connect chapter plot points. Maybe I don't need to write every transition between rooms, every instance of thought, every comment or idea, but I can't help but do so because I feel weird being too concise now. I think that's something I still need to work on. I feel bad going from a 40 page chapter to a 15 page one, so I try not to write that little anymore, and so it ends up feeling cyclic. I may try to fix that, but I don't know how right now.

In the end, I'm certain this story will continue to feel repetitive until it ends, even when bigger plotty things I plan to happen do happen. I do apologize for that. It's something I'll have to try alleviating in future works. I think the limiting perspective of Ten is one part of the problem, but I don't want to believe against the effectiveness of 2nd person POV that many writers argue against. I just can't be the writer who makes it work, but I'm glad to have given it a shot. It's important to try new things to expand your horizons as a writer!

I am disheartened with criticism, but not completely put off from my writing (you can't get better by quitting, but taking a step back and a deep breath in is okay). I know I need to take a step back myself, and be more self-critical, but often I just struggle to be an effective writer. This is why I don't take ill with people who choose to break from the story because they can't stand how it's going and how repetitive it is. I know well some of its issues even though I struggle to avoid them. I will miss those ex-readers, but I am glad for those who genuinely see something in my writing enough to stick with my story this long (from what I'm gathering, people think my writing is good, but my narrative structure is bad, which is fair).

Again, there are things that will happen in time. At this point it's likely it will exceed the 100 chapter count, but I will try to avoid going over too much. The chapters I have planned will still have visit-rest formats, but some things will happen soon, if that's anyone's concern. I do apologize if I bore anyone with my structure! I hope this clears up my thoughts on all that.

[hangingfromchandeliers]

hey sanne i hope youre doing well! i saw ur post abt u finishing an entire book in a day (congrats btw) and i was wondering if u have any tips on how to improve ur reading stamina? like is there more to it than just reading consistently? because im currently at the 10 pages per day stage and id like to finish dracula by the end of this year cjdjdjdkdk (if u dont have any tips thats fine too im just curious abt how u made it!) have a nice day 💗

nita 💕💕 i love youuu! thank you! i think a huge part that you cannot underestimate when it comes to reading for long stretches of time is your emotional well being. if you’re stressed and anxious it’s gonna be harder to focus so just in general taking good care of yourself (regular showers, meals, bedtimes, exercise etc) helps so much. i know that sounds a bit preachy.. but i think thats why people have this “i was a gifted kid but now im ruined and i cant do anything” mentality. of course you could read finish a book in two days as a kid because you didnt have all the worries you have now. so taking care of yourself as if you were your own parent is the first big step to being able to read more in a shorter period of time. you gotta be in the right place mentally to be able to enjoy reading

ill make a bullet point list of some more concrete tips that arent so abstract hehe

turn off your phone and computer. i swear im the worst with this if i have my phone next to me while i read i start randomly checking the time/tumblr/my emails. its okay to let your eyes wander and to put your book down for a while to just let your mind run for a bit. but for me checking my phone always disrupts my flow

read around the house. read in the living room/the kitchen/while you’re taking a bath. anywhere thats not your usual comfortable space where you chill on social media. for me it helps a lot to get out of my desk chair and sit on the couch downstairs. ive even read that it helps people to stand up and walk around while reading?

plan breaks, and try to do something that doesnt involve your brain during those breaks. when i finished that 500 page book in one day i took breaks to make meals, do the dishes, and to go for a walk. do something with your hands or something that involves physical exercise

read about what other people think of the book or read a short summary. this may just be me but going in completely blind doesnt always work for me. its like my brain doesnt have anything to hold onto those first 40 pages and it helps to have prior information so im familiar with the setting. i usually try to avoid spoilers but if im reading classics its not really a big deal for me.

start off with novels that are written in a vocabulary that you fully understand. you can build up to big titles as you read more often. archaic language isnt necessarily a sign of profoundness or intelligence. and if you do start with classics i suggest horror or thriller novels because they cant afford to be tedious! they gotta build tension! you’re almost always in safe hands with those

pick a set time to read. i always read before bedtime! sometimes i only get through 20 pages before i pass out but it creates a routine. and its also better for your brain not to look at your phone before you go to sleep so reading for a bit solves that for me

be proud! share your process with people! reading shouldnt be a solitary experience. post about the books you read and passages you liked and look up reviews that other people wrote. find youtube essays about your favourite books. tell other people that youve been reading more!

don’t be hard on yourself. some days its easier to read than others. some days you get distracted and you have to read the same page 3 times over, and other days its so easy its like youre having coffee with a friend and the book is telling you its story. your head cant always be fully focused so put that book down if you feel like you’re giving yourself a headache

ultimate powerful secret tip: read along with an audiobook. i do this when i NEED to read something usually for uni and i need to force myself to focus. you get all the inflections, jokes, and extra flavour added to the characters from whoever reads the audiobook that you may sometimes read over when you’re not fully focused, and you can’t zone out! because the audiobook keeps going! it helps me a lot especially when i read plays. its great too to visually see how long it will take for you to finish the book on a screen. you can always drop the audiobook halfway and just finish the book yourself if you feel like it.

[paralianprince]

1, 6, 10, 17, 20, 25, 31, 38

oh holy shit 

1. What does your writing process look like? 

answered here!  but tl;dr it is pathetic. 

6. What kind of research do you put into your writing?

i’m ... a little bit obsessive actually!  though i think in this rpc that’s actually quite common.  ... as obsessive as one can be about researching a micronation of all things, anyway! 

i ordered a bunch of old radio essex interviews / broadcast excerpts on CDs (a few small pieces of which i’ve actually posted!! 1 2 3 4 5), i have prince michael’s book, there’s this really great look into internet crypto in the form of a gigantic pdf titled “sealand, havenco, and the rule of law” in case anybody’s into That, i post so many photos of the place that i once got an anon asking if i LIVE THERE, i’ve found transcripts of certain legal proposals / communications regarding sealand, i’ve dug pretty deep into learning about fort madness and pirate radio... that sort of thing!  i do have a history page where i paraphrased basically all of it, but i havent got off my ass to update it since 2014 and i think i have the occasional detail wrong in there, like specific dates and such. 

or, literally, ask me anything about sealand, i dare everybody 

10. What’s the most challenging thing about writing replies for you?

starting!!  even if i know exactly what i intend to do in my reply, figuring out exactly how to start takes up most of my time.  i usually cheat this by starting off with a line of dialogue, if possible 

17. Does writing energize or exhaust you?

answered here, but tl;dr unfortunately it tires me out!  and that’s a big part of why i’m Pretty Slow and don’t usually involve myself in time-sensitive threads or Dash Awareness type interactions.  i get tired really fast! 

20. What inspires you to write?

aside from an overpowering love for my son and shining star who i will love forever and ever for my whole life until death and well after, i really love seeing how my partners react to my replies, and i like getting reactions out of them! 

among other things of course, but that’s what’s coming to mind currently. 

25. Do you put parts of yourself into your writing or muse? Can you give an example?

to an outrageous degree, yes!  i don’t think any of my characters are remotely close to self-inserts, but i really can’t write a character who i don’t at least 40% relate to - though, i think this is true for a lot of people? 

mk helped me with the examples so ... TALKS A LOT, wants to be entertaining, apparently the way i describe his posture or gestures are things i also do (which i didnt realize!), and the way he reacts to being angry or upset, being physically knocked to the ground with the force of how hard he’s laughing, etc.  that kind of thing! 

31. How different is your muse now compared to when you first wrote them? 

i really didn’t have a clue what i was doing when i first started - of course - but i did know that i wanted him to a bit more combative than he was usually portrayed, because i just thought it felt more fitting, and even when i first started i knew i wanted to distance myself from the sort of... Stock Annoying Child Character Personality with all the Child Character Tropes tacked on for no reason other than he was, for a time, the only young character and only micronation in the cast, so all Child Tropes got attributed to him, and even after other micros got introduced, the effect of this still persists - that almost everybody gives sealand before ever considering what his personality would actually be like. 

so i thought if i made him a bit more disagreeable, it might surprise people into paying attention to how i’m writing him, and not just go off of fandom assumptions.  (this was 2012, so that kind of thing happened!)

this is a whole other rant that i’m apparently just chomping at the bit to go off on, but i need to actually finish this post omg 

anyway, he went thru a time where he was sort of being attacked and derided on almost all sides even by his friends, fighting with people constantly and not being listened to in any capacity about it, and over time it wore him down and it resulted in him being VERY defensive, stern, panicky, and irritable.  he’s much better now! 

38. Do you have a wishlist? Can you share what’s on it?

you know ... this is weird, but, i actually can’t think of anything!  lmao sorry !! 

[nyctolovian]

Trust

Merry christmas, Sincere! So hi im ur secret santa hahahaha! I know it’s kind of weird to have a sickfic for christmas but I rly tried to write something christmassy and ummmm yeh as u can see it didnt work out hahaha! Hope u still enjoy it with its fluff!! 

Summary: Trucy is running a fever while Mr Wright's at a trial so Apollo takes on the nursing duty. But health issues aren't the only issues Apollo will help with today.

AO3 Link

“Trucy has a fever?”

Upon hearing that, Apollo and Athena turned away from the client to look at their boss concernedly.

“Mm. ... Yes. … Oh... But I’m in the middle of a trial...” Mr Wright glanced at the clock. They only had five more minutes before the trial began again.

Eyes wide with worry, the client stared at him, wordlessly begging him not to leave. At that, Mr Wright flashed her a smile that assured her that he will be staying.

“I’ll ask someone to head over to fetch Trucy on my behalf,” Mr Wright spoke into his phone. “I’ll text you that person’s number. ... Yes. Thanks.” He pressed the “End Call” button before pulling his two protégés aside. “Well, you guys heard it. Trucy’s school called and she’s running a fever. And I can’t exactly leave halfway. Could one of you help me out?” he said with a sheepish grin. “I’d usually ask Edgeworth but he’s in Germany now...”

“I’ll go,” Apollo said, raising a hand. “Our client seems to need some help managing her fear, doesn’t she?”

“She does,” Athena affirmed. “It’s making her mess up a lot of her statements.”

“Then, it’s decided. I’ll go.”

Mr Wright wrote down something on a notepad and tore the page out. “This is the school’s address.” He handed Apollo the note and patted his shoulder. “Thanks for your help, Apollo. I’m counting on you to take care of her till the trial is over. I trust you’ll be fine though.”

The bailiff called the defense back to the courtroom and the defendant jolted in fear. Calmly, Mr Wright turned to her and comforted her. Athena held the defendant’s hand and squeezed it comfortingly.

Apollo glanced back as the three of them headed back into the courtroom before heading out. He took a look at the note Mr Wright had passed to him. The school wasn’t far from here. He quickly reached there by bus and got a visitor’s pass from the security guard before heading to the reception area.

“Hi, I’m here to pick up Trucy. Trucy Wright?” he told the receptionist.

“Ah, she is in the sickbay. I’ll wake her up,” the receptionist said.

Apollo pursed his lips. Was Trucy asleep? This fever seemed to be doing a number on the usually energetic magician. And he was right. As Trucy walked out of the sickbay, she looked incredibly exhausted, slinging her bag over her shoulder.

“Oh! Polly?” Her hand flew to her mouth. “You’re here?”

“Uh, yeah. Your dad’s in the middle of the trial so I’m here instead,” Apollo explained. He glanced over her quickly before gently tugging at her bag. “I’ll carry that for you. You look terrible.” For a moment, Trucy stubbornly tightened her grip around the strap. But Apollo was just as stubborn and she was feeling tired after all so she let go and sat at one of the benches.

The receptionist took out a form and told Apollo to fill it up so Trucy could sign out. He nodded and quickly filled it up. When he gave it back to the receptionist, her eyes widened in surprise. “You’re her coworker?”

“Um... Yes?” Well, technically I’m her employee but that’d be harder to explain. Apollo thought, cringing internally.

The receptionist laughed good-naturedly. “You two look so alike. I almost thought you were her brother! So you are a magician as well?”

“No, I’m not her brother,” he said, scratching the back of his head sheepishly. “And I’m not a magician either. I’m a defense attorney. See?” He lifted his lapel.

“Polly, are you flashing your badge again?” Trucy asked from behind him.

“... No.”

The receptionist giggled as she filed the form away. “You two really get along well. Thank you for picking her up.” She craned her neck to look at the sick girl. “Rest well, Trucy!”

Seeing how tired Trucy was, Apollo got an Uber to take them back to the Wright Anything Agency.

As soon as they got in, Trucy started to nod off. However, when her head began to droop, she would suddenly straighten up again and the cycle would repeat.

“Just close your eyes,” Apollo said, leaning towards her. “You’re tired, right?”

“Ey, lass, y’ sick?” the Uber driver boomed, peered behind.

“Please look in front while driving,” Apollo reminded.

“Yep,” Trucy replied. “Fever.”

The driver nodded and turned his body slightly to look at her. “Thought so. Take forty winks, lil’ lady.” (“Oh god! Please look where you’re driving! Car! Car!”) Yer brother there can wake y’ up when we reach.”

“He’s not my brother,” Trucy said with a slight pout. “He’s just Polly.”

“Ey! Sorry ‘bout that! Y’ two got the same face!” the driver guffawed so loudly the car seemed to be shaking. Apollo clung to the roof handle for his dear life.

“Why do so many people say that?” Trucy mused aloud. “My friends in school say that too. Remember that time when I forgot my umbrella, Polly?”

Gulping, Apollo nodded. He won’t be remembering that any longer if the driver kept turning around to talk to them. “Alright, nice. Can you please nap now? No talking while napping,” Apollo said, patting her head. At least then Trucy won’t goad the driver into talking again.

“Good night,” Trucy muttered absently as she curled up in her bed.

“Good night,” Apollo replied even though he knew that was a weird thing to say at 10am. As he sat at the living room, he texted Mr Wright.

You: Trucy’s home now. She’s running a fever of 38.5 degrees. [10:34 AM]

Tentatively, he peered into Trucy’s room. Apollo felt pretty useless as he watched her tossing and turning uncomfortably. Never had he been needed to take care of someone else with a fever. And usually when he was sick, he’d just sleep it off.

Surely, he shouldn’t just be telling Trucy to sleep and leaving it at that. He frowned in thought for a while and paced around. Then, he picked up his phone again.

You: im taking care of trucy cos shes got a fever. 38.5 but wth do ppl usually do for fevers??? [10:39 AM]

The reply was almost instantaneous.

spaceman: Oof [10:39 AM]

spaceman: Give her water [10:40 AM]

spaceman: And paracetamol or watever [10:40 AM]

spaceman: Put a wet towel on her forehead [10:40 AM]

You: im not sure where mr wright keeps his medication stuff though. i asked trucy and she doesnt know either [10:40 AM]

You: shld i ask mr wright??? [10:40 AM]

spaceman: Yeah. Do that. [10:41 AM]

You: not sure when he can reply. hes at a trial now [10:41 AM]

spaceman: Ohhhhhhh [10:41 AM]

spaceman: No wonder ure the one taking care of her [10:41 AM]

spaceman: Good luck bro!! Dont die!!! [10:41 AM]

You: ok tks i wont [10:41 AM]

spaceman: Btw for the towel, get a basin so u dun need to run abt [10:41 AM]

You: k [10:42 AM]

After sending a message asking Mr Wright where he kept his medications, Apollo placed a cup and a jar of water on Trucy’s bedside table. With a bit of nudging, she finally sat upright to down an entire glass of water before sinking back into her bed with a flop. Then, he followed what Clay said and got a basin of water and a towel. Apollo soaked the towel and wrung it before placing it on Trucy’s forehead.

Apollo noticed the minute relaxation of her facial muscles so he supposed he was doing this right at least. Thank god for Clay. What would he ever do without him?

Feeling his phone vibrate in his pocket, Apollo picked it up again.

spaceman: AND SOUP OR PORRIDGE [10:53 AM]

spaceman: FOR LUNCH [10:53 AM]

spaceman: Im kinda assuming mr wright wont be back before lunch cos ure usually MIA for almost an entire day when uve got a trial [10:54 AM]

You: good idea [10:54 AM]

spaceman: Careful not to drop the entire bottle of pepper in the pot again. Itll kill the poor girl. Her dads a lawyer, apollo. Dont risk it ;-;[10:54 AM]

You: THAT WAS ONE TIME [10:55 AM]

spaceman: Tell that to my poor tongue :( [10:55 AM]

You: I GET IT STOP [10:55 AM]

spaceman: RIP Clay Terran’s tongue. 2004-2024 Death by pepper poisoning. [10:55 AM]

You: ITS TIME TO S T O P [10:55 AM]

spaceman: Dont. Stop me nOOOOWWW [10:55 AM]

You: why r u quoting queen in 2027 [10:56 AM]

spaceman: Why r YOU quoting filthy frank in 2027 [10:56 AM]

You: why r we even friends [10:56 AM]

spaceman: What do u mean?? This is precisely why we r friends [10:56 AM]

spaceman: IVE BEEN CAUGHT MY PHONE NOOOOOOOO [10:56 AM]

You: wow. a murder right before my eyes. ngl i feel nothing for ur death. [10:57 AM]

spaceman: Aura speaking, apollo, stop texting clay while hes at work. [10:57 AM]

You: Noted. Sorry. [10:57 AM]

“Trucy, please get back in bed,” Apollo said. “You’re still sick.”

“My fever’s gone, isn’t it?” Trucy said, puffing her cheek, as she continued to carry things out of the fridge to be defrosted.

“Well, yeah,” Apollo said. “But you’re not completely well yet. The sick should stay in bed to rest.”

“Do you even follow your own advice?” Trucy said, arms akimbo.

“Yes?” Apollo tried, rubbing his bracelet.

The piercing look Trucy gave him made him shrink back. Lying was futile. She could perceive lies too after all. Was this what it felt like at the other end of courtroom scrutiny?

“Okay, fine. I don’t,” he admitted. “But you’re a kid! A growing kid! I’ll do the cooking, alright?”

“The guest shouldn’t be doing the cooking.”

“I’m not guest, Trucy! I’m supposed to take care of you!”

“Look, Dad’s coming back for lunch. I can’t leave him hungry,” she said.

Apollo drooped with a sigh. “I’m sure what he means is that he’s coming back to settle lunch for you. Look, I could even ask him right now!

“I highly doubt he can cook,” Trucy stated, pouting.

“Mr Wright’s an adult. I’m sure he can settle his own meals. But if you really think that, I can just do the cooking. Your germs are going to get in the food anyway.”

“I can wear a mask,” Trucy rebutted.

Apollo waved his arms wildly before dropping them in exhaustion. “Rest. Please? Trucy?”

Trucy frowned at her feet. “It’s just a meal. I can do a meal.”

“Exactly! So can your dad. It’s just a meal. He can handle that by himself,” he said.

“I’m cooking,” Trucy insisted, stomping her foot.

“Why are you so stubborn about this?” Apollo sighed. Then, he noticed her fists shaking with emotion. “Trucy…” He watched her closely. “Is this really just about cooking?”

Her sharp blue eyes shot up to glare at Apollo. “Polly! You’re perceiving me?!”

Rubbing the bridge of his nose, Apollo muttered, “Sorry. Habit. But answer me truthfully, Trucy.” He looked at her again, his brown orbs warm and gentle now. “This isn’t just about cooking lunch, is this?”

“I’m supposed to be the one who cooks lunch every day,” Trucy replied.

“So you see it as a- um… a duty?”

A silent nod.

“So skipping out makes you feel bad?” Apollo asked as he pulled a chair out and sat on it. “Like you’re not doing your part?”

Another nod. This time, she tentatively added, “It’s like a contract.”

He hummed in understanding. Then, he dragged another chair out and patted the seat.

Gingerly, Trucy sat down beside him. Her hands gripped the sides of the chair, tense.

“I kind of get it,” Apollo began. “I mean, being a foster kid, most of my relationships with my guardians feel like contracts too. ‘If you don’t do this and that, you won’t get, um, whatever.’ So I kind of get it. That kind of spread to my other relationships to be honest. So I always get this guilt when I’m not — I don’t know — performing?”

Trucy huffed in amusement.

“Have I ever told you about my best friend?”

“Clay?”

“Yeah, him. I used to always set rules for myself on what I should do for and with Clay,” Apollo continued. “I’d, um, not go for things, like parties or school projects, if he wasn’t going with me because I felt bad enjoying myself without him and stuff like that. When he found out, he got so mad at me and said it was dumb.”

Trucy snickered. “That is dumb.”

“Yeah, because, you know, he really hated that I wasn’t doing things for myself because I had set my own rules for our friendship. Well, the point I’m making is this,” Apollo said. “People who care about you wouldn’t want your relationship with them to restrict or hurt you, you know? People who really care would want the best for you, I think.” He looked up at Trucy. “And I think your father cares about you. A lot.”

Trucy was silent. She wasn’t meeting his eyes.

“I-I hope the things I said made sense,” Apollo stuttered. “I was just saying what I thought. I’m really not that good with words- URNGH!”

Trucy had slammed her face into his chest. Stiffly, Apollo’s arms hovered at his shoulder level as the teenager tightened her embrace. A fond smile spread across his face. Slowly, he lowered his arms over her shoulders and pat between her shoulder blades.

“Thanks, Polly,” Trucy said as she pulled back. She shot him a cheeky grin. “You make a pretty decent older brother.”

Apollo rolled his eyes. “Quit teasing me. Now, go sleep. I have a meal to make.”

[incorrectchoniberonicaswangs]

hey baby won't you look my way (i can be your new addiction)

Chapter 3: ...no these are fuCKING SEXTS

ao3

Chapter Summary: There's a substitute teacher, Cheryl and Toni have a plan, and Betty is a "good fucking person."

Monday, 7:17 AM

gays united

hbicheryl: good morning gays

wannabett: CHERYL

hbicheryl: good morning gays, cousin betty

hbicheryl: happy?

wannabett: yes

hisshissmotherfucker: why the fuck are you texting us at this ungodly hour

hisshissmotherfucker: go back to sleep

nopeaz: school starts in less than an hour dipshit

hisshissmotherfucker: whatever

veroffica: cheryl, you're in a way better mood than normal. what happened?

hbicheryl: im offended! cant i just be in a good mood because i feel like it?

wannabett: no

hbicheryl: fine

hbicheryl: the history teacher is sick so we have a substitute

hisshissmotherfucker: FUCK YES

wannabett: im confused why is this a good thing??

spillthefogarTEA: oh betty

spillthefogarTEA: poor, sweet betty

nopeaz: substitutes are naive and cant control the class

nopeaz: so we can do whatever we want

wannabett: im not sure thats the best idea

spillthefogarTEA: choni and i have history first period with you, cooper

spillthefogarTEA: we'll show you what we mean

8:16 AM

hbicheryl + nopeaz

hbicheryl: this is even better than i thought

nopeaz: he looks so timid

hbicheryl: this is going to be so much fun

hbicheryl: lets begin phase one

8:19 AM

gays united

wannabett: is this cheryl and tonis master plan? to text out in the open?

jugheadalones: theyre cheryl and toni

wannabett: meaning??

jugheadalones: im sure theres more to it than that

goingtoheller: ^^tru

wannabett: i guess ill just have to wait and see

8:23 AM

gays united

wannabett: okay the sub is asking cheryl and toni to get off their phones

wannabett: theyre ignoring him ofc

wannabett: asdJFDJJSSSKKDXM

hisshissmotherfucker: WHAT HAPPENED

spillthefogarTEA: HE GRABBED TONIS PHONE RIGHT OUT OF HER HANDS SHE LOOKS SO FUCKING STARTLED

goingtoheller: LMAO

spillthefogarTEA: OH SHIT NOW HES READING CHONIS TEXTS FROM TONIS PHONE

wannabett: ...no these are fuCKING SEXTS

veroffica: I'M WHEEZING

hisshissmotherfucker: WHAT DO THE TEXTS SAY

spillthefogarTEA: "maybe after this we can sneak in a quickie between classes"

spillthefogarTEA: "i could finger you up against the bathroom wall"

spillthefogarTEA: "or i could eat you out in the storage closet"

spillthefogarTEA: "of course... youd have to be quiet"

spillthefogarTEA: "do you think you can do that? can you be a good girl for me?"

wannabett: cheryl is as red as her hair

wannabett: toni looks like she wishes the earth would swallow her whole

goingtoheller: I'M DEAD.

veroffica: THIS IS THE BEST THING I'VE EVER HEARD

hbicheryl: GUYS STOP LAUGHING THIS ISNT FUNNY

goingtoheller: no, this is definitely funny.

hisshissmotherfucker: wait were the texts from toni or cheryl??

wannabett: he didnt say

goingtoheller: ooh, any theories? i'm still on team vers. cheryl, can you confirm anything?

hbicheryl: SHUT THE FUCK UP THIS IS SO EMBARRASSING

veroffica: i should hope so!

jugheadalones: ...i did NOT need to know this much about chonis sex life

wannabett: i guess the sub isnt as incompetent as you thought

spillthefogarTEA: lmao sucks to be you guys

spillthefogarTEA: oh shit i think hes looking at the notifications

spillthefogarTEA: "spill the... fogarty!" yep im done for youre all invited to my funeral except for choni bc they got us into this mess

wannabett: fangs' phones has been confiscated as well as cheryls in case you were wondering

wannabett: haha thats karma i guess

wannabett: fuck now he wants mine too why me??

veroffica: ...guys?

goingtoheller: that was the most exciting thing that i've witnessed secondhand in a WHILE.

hisshissmotherfucker: i hope nothing bad happened to fangs

hisshissmotherfucker: or toni or cheryl or betty

jugheadalones: i wonder whats going on there right now

veroffica: well, i don't have any classes with any of them for a while, so i won't be able to know what happened until they get their phones back.

hisshissmotherfucker: ^^

jugheadalones: ^^

goingtoheller: ^^

12:03 PM

gays united

hbicheryl: WE FINALLY GOT OUR PHONES BACK

hbicheryl: I CAN PRACTICALLY TASTE THE FREEDOM

nopeaz: now i just have to go live in a cave for a few years until everyone forgets about that debacle

spillthefogarTEA: thats not going to happen any time soon

goingtoheller: fangs is right, that was iconic.

veroffica: you two will never live that down.

jugheadalones: half of riverdale high is already speculating as to which one of you two sent the texts and which one of you received the texts

hisshissmotherfucker: cheryl, toni, care to make a statement?

hbicheryl: no

nopeaz: fuck off

goingtoheller: well, at least they seem to be on the same page.

wannabett: can we talk about whats REALLY important now??

jugheadalones: and what would that be?

wannabett: ALL FOUR OF US GOT DETENTION!!

veroffica: can the substitute even do that?

spillthefogarTEA: yeah, he wrote us all up for "repeatedly disobeying a clear set of instructions"

nopeaz: at least its only for today

wannabett: ive never gotten detention before! how the hell am i going to explain this to my mom??

hbicheryl: lmao cant relate

wannabett: im a good fucking person i dont deserve this

12:39 PM

gays united

hisshissmotherfucker: wait cheryl and toni what was your master plan?

hbicheryl: oh we were just going to sext for a while and then make out in the back of the classroom

veroffica: ...that was a letdown.

goingtoheller: yeah, i expected better.

nopeaz: we were horny when we came up with that plan okay

jugheadalones: now THAT makes more sense

spillthefogarTEA: tbh im still kinda disappointed tho

1:22 PM

gays united

wannabett: SHIT

veroffica: what's wrong, betts?

wannabett: i think the school told my mom about the detention :(

goingtoheller: what makes you think that?

wannabett: shes called me four times today already

wannabett: ive been ignoring her but knowing my mom she'll probably just show up here to talk to me

jugheadalones: she wouldnt do that

wannabett: you underestimate her

veroffica: b is right. her mom is just crazy enough to do that.

1:40 PM

gays united

wannabett: huh i wonder why the secretary is calling me to the office

wannabett: it couldnt be my mom, could it??

wannabett: who wants to bet against me?

goingtoheller: a, congrats on finally living up to your screen name!

goingtoheller: b, there is no way that i'm going to be stupid enough to take you up on that.

jugheadalones: i'll bite.

jugheadalones: 20 bucks it isnt her

wannabett: youre on jug

wannabett: be prepared to lose $20

1:55 PM

gays united

wannabett: angry-mama-cooper.jpeg

wannabett: fork over the money jones

jugheadalones: ...fuck

jugheadalones: this is what i get for believing that alice cooper wouldnt be that petty??

hbicheryl: no this is what you get for being a fool

wannabett: same thing

spillthefogarTEA: okay im sure that im going to regret asking this, but what did mrs cooper want that took fifteen minutes to talk about?

wannabett: the usual

wannabett: "youre disappointing your family, you need to do better, you dont want to end up like polly," etc.

veroffica: i'm sorry, b. :(

wannabett: it isnt your fault v

veroffica: i know, but your mom clearly isn't sorry for the crazy expectations she puts on you because polly didn’t turn out the way she wanted, so somebody has to be. and i want that somebody to be me.

wannabett: you really think so?

veroffica: i know so.

spillthefogarTEA: thats so sweet

hbicheryl: and REALLY gay

spillthefogarTEA: ofc

veroffica: *bi, and betty and i are just best friends.

wannabett: ^^^

spillthefogarTEA: sweets and i are best friends and if i had said something like that to him yall wouldnt think that we were just being friends

wannabett: thats bc you and sweet pea are super gay for each other

hisshissmotherfucker: false

spillthefogarTEA: ...you dont think that im hot? :(

hisshissmotherfucker: no i think that youre the hottest person in the whole damn universe

hisshissmotherfucker: but that doesnt mean that im in love with you

hbicheryl: babe do you see this shit??

nopeaz: i see it all right

hbicheryl: im so glad that we arent like that

nopeaz: me too :)

hbicheryl: i love you toni

nopeaz: i love you too cher

veroffica: awww, that was adorable.

veroffica: but also: what will it take to convince all of you that betty and i are telling the truth??

goingtoheller: nothing, ever. you are both so clearly whipped it isn't even funny.

jugheadalones: like cheryl and toni levels of whipped

hbicheryl: except you two arent even dating!!

nopeaz: the same goes for sweets and fangs too

hisshissmotherfucker: whatever

spillthefogarTEA: ^^^

wannabett: ^^^

veroffica: ^^^

jugheadalones: why do i even try anymore

2:29 PM

gays united

hbicheryl: well its time to go into the hellish pit the school calls detention

wannabett: i wonder if theyll make us do manual labor

spillthefogarTEA: sweet pea practically lived in detention at southside high, ask him

hisshissmotherfucker: thats true

hisshissmotherfucker: and yes sometimes they do make you do some janitorial work around the school

hbicheryl: oh my fucking god im going to die

jugheadalones: stop being so extra cheryl

goingtoheller: no never stop being extra cheryl it is the best part of this chat

hbicheryl: for your information hobo i will never ever stop being dramatic and if you say that again i will fight you

hbicheryl: and dont worry keller i wont change

nopeaz: thats my girl!!

hisshissmotherfucker: as i was saying

hisshissmotherfucker: youll probably just sit in a room and do your homework

hbicheryl: thats even worse

2:34 PM

gays united

hbicheryl: THEY WANT TO TAKE OUR PHONES

hbicheryl: WHY DIDNT YOU TELL US ABOUT THIS SWEET PEA

hisshissmotherfucker: i thought it would be a nice surprise

nopeaz: screw you

hbicheryl: IF I NEVER GET OUT OF HERE TELL MY MOTHER THAT SHES AN AWFUL BITCH AND THAT I HATE HER

veroffica: sure thing, blossom.

3:00 PM

gays united

hbicheryl: MY PHONE IS BACK I LOVE IT SO MUCH THIS SCHOOL IS SHIT AND DETENTION FUCKING SUCKS

goingtoheller: that's a lot of moods.

jugheadalones: ^^

veroffica: "that's a lot of moods" is just cheryl's personality in a nutshell.

wannabett: tru

hisshissmotherfucker: tru

nopeaz: tru

hbicheryl: tru

Notes: Writing choni's sexts was the best part of this chapter, honestly. Also, I noticed that I refer to Cheryl and Toni as 'choni' an awful lot, which probably has direct correlation to my laziness. I know that this chapter has a lot less to do with the overlying plot, and that's because I'm trying something different. Tell me if you like it this way or if you want me to go back to more plot-heavy chapters.

[isensmith]

Have a great holiday and we’ll see you next week.

So i just got back from the set where i did my gig as an extra. It was super fun and went even better than i hoped for!

Before Shooting:  I had a brief freak-out when i tried to tame the epic frizz in my hair with some hair oil. I made the mistake of sleeping on it wet last night and it just didn’t look good. I’ve never used hair oil before and i definitely probably should have. i used too much and my hair got over greasy. I tried blow drying and using a flat iron, but it looked worse. so with an hour to go before i had to be on set i washed it again. I quickly did my makeup and blow dried it again (since it typically takes hours to dry). I had my bag packed with my changes of wardrobe from the night before so i ran out of the house and made it to set exactly at my 1pm call time. 

At the office building location the suite number was 590 and guess what service required a keycard to work on weekends. that’s right, the elevator! so then i climbed 5 flights which was really NOT what i wanted to do before being on camera. When i finally got up there i found the tell-tail cables, sandbags, and c-stands out in the hall so i knew i’d found it. inside the suite was a long hall and lots of offices branching off and one conference room. There were sound people and a couple of lighting guys and a stressed out looking director. in the conference room were 4 other extras. We greeted each other and lamented the climb and talked about changes of clothes and what projects we’d done. 

Shortly, the extras wrangler came in and asked me if i had a jacket or something similar that i could wear over the black blouse i already had on. I said i didnt’ have a jacket exactly, but i had a silk short sleeved loose top thing (i honestly dont know what to call it, it’s open and has no fastenings and it’s flowy and pretty and goes over another shirt). I showed it to her and she said that would probably work and they were wanting me to be an ‘executive’ rather than an ‘office worker’. So i put it on and showed it to her and the director and they said that it was good. 

So then the makeup artist came in to do some touchups on the others and then they were all called away except for me. They began shooting something down the hall and walking all the way back up towards the conference room so i could see them but nothing else. Meanwhile the makeup artist came back to pay some special attention to me. He was a super sweet guy and when i told him that i was going to be an executive rather than an office worker he said “great well then you can afford to look nicer than them” lol. I had actually done some eyeshadow and eyeliner myself before i left, and and typically only do the liner, i have no idea how to do shadow. But i watched some youtube and had a go. He said it looked really good and didn’t do anything to them besides fill in my eyebrows a bit and apply some extra volume stuff to my eyelashes. He also put some peachy lip color on me which i would typically never choose, but looked really good so now i’m going to try to find some. 

While he was working i asked if he was local or maybe came down from portland. i still was thinking this was a pretty small film. he said he actually was based in LA and had been working down there for 4 years. He’s worked on Terminator 5, and X-men Days of Future Past, and Guardians of the Galaxy 2 and we talked about the tattoos for Drax that he was really involved in. He was awesome and made me feel pretty :]

The other extras came back to change their clothes and then shoot the exact same hall walking sequence again. Then they were wrapped and told they could go and it was only 1:50. And then i was alone in the conference room and waited. Two other actors showed up, one of which i found out later was actually another extra like me, but he was wearing a suit so he’d clearly been tagged for the ‘exec’ extra already. We didn’t really chat much, once the actor (a tall handsome african-american man) found out i wasn’t playing any part he turned his attention to his sides and studied his lines. The other guy was staring at his phone so i assumed he was doing the same. 

Then the actor left and there was more waiting. I began to doodle. For one thing my phone was nearly dead so i didn’t want to use it, and for another i didn’t want to get so distracted with other stuff that i wasn’t present. I filled a whole page with pen doodles. 

During Shooting:

It was close to 2:40 when i heard the director down the hall say something about extras. So i poked my head out of the conference room (the other guy had been standing in the hall watching) and sure enough they needed us to walk by the office where they were shooting a scene. Which was simple enough and yet still made me a tiny bit nervous. it’s only when you need to “walk casual” that you suddenly forget how to fcking walk at all. I didn’t look in the room while i passed of course, so i barely saw what they were doing in there. But the lighting guy was sitting on a  box just outside the room with the slate since he was on double duty. and the sound guy was sitting in front of his big sound boards rig in the office next door, and there were more cables and sandbags. 

After that scene was done then they began to pick stuff up and move down the hall towards the conference room. The makeup artist said “time for your big scene” and i was a little surprised, i nearly thought that walking by might be it and i’d be all done. I waited at the other end of the hall with the makeup artist and the extras wrangler and ate some chocolates while the crew shifted the gear. Then i saw the actor had changed his suit and i thought “oh no, this is a different day. I brought a change of wardrobe but this is the nicest stuff i brought and the other stuff is more ‘office worker-y’”. So i showed my options to the extras wrangler, i had taken photos of the outfits last night to have them on my phone so it was easy for them to choose. She picked the outfit with a white collared shirt under a sky blue sweater with the sleeves pushed up. 

I went all the way down the hall passed the conference room to find an alcove and quickly change my clothes. I could tell there wasn’t time at this point to find the bathrooms. Sure enough, as i was putting on a different necklace they were already calling for me. 

In the conference room the actor guy was sitting at the head of the table, the main character actress was to his right and me and the other guy were on his left. Initially they put me between the two men, but as they were framing the shot from the far end of the table the other guy was too big and blocking me so they had us switch. which put me closer to the camera, (!!). At the far end was the director, the camera person, the boom mic operator who had brought in a ladder to get high enough, and the DP, a woman named jessica with hot pink hair. Just outside the door were the lighting guy, the makeup artist, and the extras wrangler watching. 

While they were setting up the shot i turned to the actor guy and said “hey so i haven’t read the script, can you tell me what this scene is about?” He explained that pretty much we’d just hired the main character and were closing up our meeting and congratulating her. I also really felt like i needed something on the table in front of me so i quickly got up and grabbed the pad i’d been doodling on and the pen, i tore off the top couple pages so it was blank and quickly scribbled some fake notes. Most of it was not even real words, but one whole sentence i wrote was:

“Fifty five alligators formed a posse and it was the greatest.”

I felt much better with a prop in my hand than just sitting there.

So first we did a run-through without the camera rolling. The actor did one line and then we all sat there doing nothing since we didn’t know what else to do. And the director said “there’s more right? isn’t there” and they all consulted the script. Sure enough we were supposed to shake hands and congratulate her and there was a line of dialogue. The director said “a different executive should say that since you have a line right before” but he didn’t indicate who. There was some chatter among the sound guys and the DP and the line was read from the script “Have a great holiday and we’ll see you next week.” They asked him which person should say it and he said “i don’t know, one of them”. So i said “I’ll say it” and he looked at me and said “Ok fine.” he was clearly stressed already and it was only the first day of shooting lol. 

So then they worked a bit on framing us when we stood up to shake hands, the DP asked me to take off my heels so i’d be a little shorter. and the actress asked me if i remembered and I quickly rattled off “Have a great holiday and we’ll see you next week” which pleased her a bit. When the actress and i shook hands over the table the DP said that she got caught by the light. So i asked if i should be the one to lean in more and she said “no then you’ll be caught by the light.” so i said how about we do more reach and less lean. So we tried it again and she said “that’s good that will work.”

Then it was time for a take. Someone called “rolling”, the camera person confirmed “speed”, the sound guy said “speak” which was a call i’m not familiar with, then the lighting guy did the slate and the director said “action”. The actor removed his glasses, said his line (which now i can’t remember) and then we all stood and each shook hands with her, i was last and as i shook her hand i said my line. It was great, i’ll win an oscar for sure.

We did 4 more takes of this, 5 total, each the same and i didn’t flub the line once. I felt remarkably calm doing it. The only thing that made me worry is how much of me is in frame in the shot. I’m still pretty heavy so i’m sure i’ll look pretty fluffy on screen. oh well. #large-female-executive-representation

When we were done with the last take the director said that was it for the extras so that meant i could leave. As i was packing my stuff the boom mic operator, a wiry fit older black man, approached me and said “you’ve acted before haven’t you”, i said “eh, not really”, “but you’ve been on set before” and i replied “yes i have.” he said “you had really good instincts in there, the choices you were making were really good and you had good ideas and you got your line.” i was so flattered i shook his hand and said “thank you so much!” he said “i’m sure we’ll be seeing more of you” and i said “i think that you will!”

As i was leaving i got a handshake from the main actor guy and a hug from the makeup artist. I also got a wave from the main actress and i told her “have fun!” then i made my way to the elevator, which apparently had no issues with going down. walked the long way to my car since i was really excited and enjoying walking in the fresh warm afternoon air. and now i’m home trying to decide where to go eat for celebratory dinner. 

:]

PS. i checked the box on the release form that i wanted to be listed in the film credits. If they also feel like it, they might make me an IMBD profile, which is something of a childhood dream of mine. we’ll see :]

[commic-jester]

!!!!!!!!!!! spoilers ahead for the book, miniseries, n 2017 + 2019 movies !!!!

so okay ive read the book through twice now (skipped That One Scene . i might have torn the pages out lolsies um anyway) but ill b honest im bad at retainin info BUT ANYWAY

so the 1990 miniseries adaptation . three hours long . tim curry pennywise . he was honestly so fun tbh . like not scary in the slightest but Fun !!! seth green was richie tozier which i ??? n the worst part is like . hes My richie . when i think of richie tozier i think of Him /neg . anyway .

2017 movie . two hours long . not really as faithful as the miniseries i dont htink but oh well . bill skarsgard pennywise . TERRIFYIN but only in one scene LLLLL . finn wolfhard who plays mike wheeler in st is richie tozier in this n i picture him as richies voice . like seth green appearance wise but finn wolfhard voice wise .

2019 movie . sequel to 2017 . three hours . even Less faithful . james mcavoy was adult bill denbrough which was fun . bill hader was adult richie tozier . :]

okay so actual plot . clown guy pennywise is actually an ancient bein that comes every 27 in the town of derry, maine to kill children !!! seven kids known as the losers club stop him once at 13, then come back at 40 to defeat him one final time .

theres . theres so much w the characters . okay .

bill denbrough . georgie denbroughs older brother . hes the one that makes georgie the paper boat . hes the one who encouraged georgie to play (bill was sick so he didnt go) . he blames himself when georgie goes missin . bill has a stutter n the bowers gang bully him for it . he has a romance w beverly (i dont see it personally) . in the books hes said to b taller than stan but shorter than mike so i assume hes the second tallest . definition of Just Some Guy .

eddie kaspbrak . eddie is bills best friend . theyve been friends for a while before the events of the book . eddie is asthmatic (not really, its a placebo . hes not sick but his mother convinced him he is . oh also every one of these characters either dont have parents or have shitty ones) n thats why the bowers gang targets him . i cant remember how he was described exactly in the books, but im fairly certain he was the shortest . the miniseries has him as blond but the movies have him as brunet so i Dont Know which one is right but in my head hes blond .

richie tozier . trashmouth !!! richie is stans best friend, but knows bill n eddie . cant remember how . anyway . richie has glasses n i think thats why hes targeted (hes also gay but obvi not out . its the 50s in the book n miniseries . in the movies its the 80s i think . i digress) by the bowers gang ?? anyway . richies parents pop up briefly in the books but they kinda . dont do much JDSKLLJFDSK . im p sure richie is shorter than stan so i have the heights so far as mike > bill > stan > richie . anyway richie has a major crush on eddie that lasts for 27 years ANYWAYYYYYY

beverly marsh . bev is the token girl ! she gets bullied for bein a slut (despite not bein one !!!) ig . anyway shes kinda everyones best friend after meetin them but shes bill n bens love interests . in the book there r some really sweet moments between her n richie !! i like their friendship a lot . she has a really bad relationship w her dad in every version, n her mom is dead . shes the only character ever .

ben hanscom . ben is the new kid ! he moves in w his cousins n aunt ! his died died in a war i think ? anyway ! he gets really interested in derry history ! the bowers target him for bein new n fat n henry bowers actually almost carves his name into bens stomach w a knife before ben gets away . ben is also a poet ! he wrote a poem for bev ! "your hair is winter fire // january embers // my heart burns there, too" . ben ends up seein a mummy (hes afraid of mummies + pennywise turns into peoples greatest fears) ! fun !

mike hanlon . mike is the homeschooled kid !! hes like . heavily targeted by the bowers gang . i mean all of the losers are but ESPECIALLY mike . the bowers gang r mega fuckin racist . uhhh mike is the actual historian i think ? i know ben was the historian in the movies but mike is the one w the photo album . anyway mikes parents burned to death ! he lives on a farm w his granddad ! he meets the losers last bc they save him from the bowers gang by throwin rocks at them !!! mike sees a bird that hes afraid of !!! hes prob the most important character when theyre adults but im talkin ab them as teens rn . anyway .

stanley uris ! my blorbo ! richie's best friend ! stan is jewish n thats why the bowers gang hate him blah blah blah anyway he also birdwatches !!! he was the last one to see IT over the summer . i cant remember what form he saw IT in, but he got locked in a standpipe n had to get himself out by recitin bird names ! stan is also a boy scout n a baseball player !!! OH hes terrified of a lady w a flute in a paintin in the movies !!! also in the movies he almost gets his face ripped off by her when IT takes her form !!! in the miniseries, he gets seperated from the losers while in the sewers n almost gets literally murdered by henry bowers !

bowers gang ! patrick hockstetter, vic criss, n belch huggins r all led by henry bowers !!! theyre horrible !!! i dont wanna talk about them !!!!

as adults time . acutally . yknow what . this is too long already i cant do this again . i havent even described some important events . OH WELL

i can’t read all of this in one sitting but i will Come Back To It this is genuinely so cool /gen

[adhdvane]

i have so much angel halo fodder to farm but its magna fes so now is the best time to do it anyways i’m gunna try and 5* eahta today/tomorrow/at least before 25th is a reasonable goal. i need to max 11 more silver relics so 11 lazuline vessels for that + it takes 745990 exp (approximately ~25 lazuline vessels) to go from lv 1 to 150 (but I might be able to do it in less with journey drop boosts when using them since it seems to say that journey drop boosts and such only have no effect on the exp gain when putting weapons into the reserve and not the act of using the vessel on a item and vessels are also special considering unlike other exp upgrader items they can have a chance of grand success and its double jour drops right now so might as well) then other than that all i need are 6 more silver centrums, 4 of which i can get from just hosting the raid twice today (if i somehow get blessed i can get all six if i can get them to drop from the share chest both times) (otherwise getting 8 more heavenly horns from just joining raids to get 10 to trade for the other 2 centrums will be easy) (i have the two peacemaker stars for the two hosts) (i then proceeded to ramble too long so the rest is under the cut. ii keep writing shit out tat’s too long and then just deleting everything and never posing my rambling anymore but like fuck it at this point im keeping this)

and that’s it, i already did the awakening step on all 10 katanas yesterday which was the most painful step bc need 500 white dragon scales will always be the worst step in my opinions, which is why i spent yesterday getting to like 438 yesterday using the campaign exclusive quest (bc the drop rate for scales on that quest is surprisingly amazing considering the low ap cost even after you’ve done it 30 times) (but i ended up quitting 438 and then proceeded to buy the remaining 62 with cerulean stone bc i have a bunch still and tbh the only thing worth spending cerulean stones on are white dragon scales or shit like translucent silk, broken teacup, coverging rays, etc bc the drop rate for those is stupid, and i guess technically i’m going to need those 50 jumbo best bones when i get to the 5* part of death, but i still have more than enough stones if i wanted to buy all 50 of those drops and i’ll defiantly be getting even more after the roulette starts so i’m not even concerned, bc yeah i got the sunlight stone now for death but i’m still pretty damn far from deal w/death, though maybe not as far as i think if i just remember to host my go and primarch raids for a couple days, wow yeah actually im stupidly closer than i thought bc im only 12 celus fragments from all 30 i need, the only annoying issue in the last step is going to be taking the time to farm the 10 primeval horns bc sometimes they don’t drop when you join proto hl, i know its guaranteed from share i’m just always weary about hosting that raid since it is 18-man elixir limited and i can’t solo it, and have had a time in the past were i was only joined by people leaching and it sucks when only you and like 1 other person contribute. so i always feel better join one bc i can make a decent contribution (and even like sort of mvp race or usually more vice mvp race for like 2nd or 3rd) (okay one time i joined a proto baha hl raid that was between like 70~60% bc it was on earth and 8 ppl already, and upon joining discovered like most of them had jumped ship, and the log was dead and was like well fuck, but started raiding anyways, and trying to send back up requests anyways, ended up getting some momentum, painfully got it always through to 50% dark by my self (kind of annoyed i took my light grid with my spheric harp bc i thought it was going to be an instance were it would get to 50% super fast so the off element wouldn’t matter and not that everyone but host had retreated) and then like around ~45% another person finally joined and me and this one other person destroyed the rest of the boss in like a minute, that was one of like 4 or 5 times i’ve mvp’d proto baha hl upon joining. tbh i kinda wish i knew what the host was doing, like if they were sitting there watching, was afk, or had like left the raid page to do other things. like if they were just hoping someone would come in and beat it for them, or had sorta given up but didnt want to fully end the raid just incase, look okay i just felt fucking good thinking i helped out a lower rank player get through a hl raid that they were abandoned on by several other players who appeared to have either not being strong enough, or joined saw the damage and jumped ship bc it looked like it was going to fail. though if i remember correctly the time limit was pretty far gone so that’s probably also why no one was joining, i was just a dumb fuck who didn’t look at the time before i joined, then realized, and then just fucking felt bad and was like well fuck it lets see how far i can go by myself bc clearly everyone else is dead and i don’t have anything to lose and im not stoping anyone else from potentially saving this bc there’s still like 7 slots open that anyone can join at any time...) anyways the last thing i wanted to say was i remember i was like a little peeved when they announced everyone who finished chapter 4.5 in the demon slayer collab would get kengo for free bc FARMING FOR KENGO AROUND THE TIME IT CAME OUT HURT BC I HADN’T BEEN HL FOR VERY LONG SO IT TOOK A LOT OF EFFORT, esp like bc extra II class suck worse than row iv bc you have to make the ccw element change for every goddamn class. but i was glad they compensated us with materials and i was mostly just glad for the extra silver centrums and steel brick (even tho i just realized i have fucking 50 steel bricks where the fuck did those come from like i don’t remember having so many), but i remember thinking to myself like oh wow thank 40 samurai distinctions, thats so useful, wow, what am i going to do make another murakumo and unsigned kaneshige?? i think im good. guess those will sit there forever... and then a couple days ago when i started thinking about finishing eahta up since i literally finished farming the demon slayer event the day after the second half was unlocked (when u can just auto extreme+ with ur fire team u don’t have to do shit, i got all the items i wanted and after than even played to get the 200 battle trophy for the heck of it. i only wanted the tickets, ring, dama crystals, steel, summon unlock mats just ‘cause those spellbooks, skill jewels, the fire urns bc i know they’re farmable but they’re annoying and i am low on fire urns, and then i was like i guess the summon since it’s a 1 copy only thing and can’t be reduced even though i’ll literally never use it bc i have gabriel and gabriel has a sub aura, i guess maybe it could be potentially useful for prometheus solo’ing because of the 1 turn debuff resistance, but the times i did solo prometheus i never had problems running out of veils or clears and tbh garnet carbuncle has a shorter cooldown and again i’ve got lily and gabriel already (and 5* lucifer now) so like i’d much rather have my four summon slots for that be gabe, moon ssr, luci, garnet carbuncle. (heck i don’t even take extra damage cuts for the wilnas trial vane, lily, gabriel, and 5* feower’s gravity and delaying the everloving shit out of wilnas is enough for me, though i’ve never done the raid so maybe it would be helpful there.) anyways then i just spend the rest of the event drops on half elixers, and back to what i was saying i was thinking about finishing eahta and looking at all the mats i need and then remember oh yeah i need 30 class distinctions don’t i? which ones do i need for eahta??? oH THAT’S RIGHT. SAMURAI DISTINCTIONS. so that fuckin worked out perfect (not that i don’t have the pendents to just buy them anyways). anyways im going to shut up now and probably never re-read any of this ramble i wrote ever again bc adhd brain be like no read only write

[wallpapernifty]

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[shytiff]

Small June Wins

1 - UKMPPD class, ((kind of)) tidied my room

2 - Danced to 2 vids of MyLee in front of the mirror that I moved to my window behind the laptop, late night discord sesh from 9-11 pm talking about stagnant life in quarantine, personality test, and hilarious roleplay

3 - read a little bit of ensiklopadi with my horrible attention span, watched time to hunt with rchl

4 - read "so i married my antifan" on naver (with google translate) until they finally kiss, dreamed about the sun rising from the west. A reminder indeed. Astagfirullah

5 - read 50 ayat of Al-Kahfi

6 - read the final chapter of tsubaki chou lonely planet

7 - finally posted tamel on mamikos, awaiting for confirmation by admin (later on i found out mamikos is now a paid thing -_-)

8 - finally changed my bedsheets (an amazing feat since it was supposed to be done like,,, 2 weeks ago. Mom was getting annoyed), wrote something on tumblr

9 - prayed Dhuha

10 - read 3 pages of ensiklopadi, did duolingo while jotting down notes, watched bts korean lessons on weverse

11 - made a spotifart with the song interdimensional portal leading to a cute place, nemo meeting, watched bts korean lesson eyes nose lips

12 - started my day early, exfoliated my face + lips and put some vaseline on my brows and lashes, duolingo, solid aspiration forum

13 - bts 7th anniversary, exercised (mylee and sun salutations) bitch i can literally feel my wretched back improving and when i pray i dont lean my leg asymmetrically?! I stand tall and proper!? Wow

14 - made crepes but it came out a little bit thick but its delicious! Even the plain batter tasted nice. Also tried to make upgraded la fonte mac n cheese but there was no blueband so the milk kinda evaporated. Watched bang bang con ☺️☺️ even though rchl and i must jump from links to links bcs we broke af

15 - started an online course on mechanical ventilation (hope i can actually finish it!), progress test study with meno, listened to a bit of podcast (makna: unfinished catwomanizer and dr tirta lol, relatif perspektif: prof chaula and dr mesty)

16 - continued online course (currently on mechanical ventilation physiology), duolingo, one MA article about acne vulgaris, podcast (relatif perspektif: dr andreas kurniawan)

17 - podcast (30 days: minimalism, home & millenials), assessment of mechanical ventilator, 40 progress test questions, neverland ended

18 - podcast (30 days: dream house), extubation, made crepes but this time the color’s lighter and not brown lol, exercise (dance workout, a little bit of abs), progress test study with meno

19 - setting up mechanical ventilator, progress test study. Felt kind of sluggish, maybe its improper sleep maybe its post workout tiredness bcs my energy is THAT little. Lazed around for quite sometime the first time this week. But its quite enjoyable compared to my super lazy days when i toxicly felt not like getting up

20 - did progress test and got 70 (plenty of questions similar to the past), podcast (30 days: vegan), made mac n cheese with quickmelt, wrote something on Tumblr

21 - podcast (30 days: yasa singih), mechanical ventilation in ARDS, exercised (dance workout, a bit of dumbbell, did static bike and im sweating and its not even that long lol), watched the latest run BTS and theyre always hilarious, tried baked spaghetti made by pupuy, ate sweet and delicious banana nugget, im supeeer full and sleepy

22 - finished the harvard online course. The certificate made me feel like I got a tiny achievement. Felt proud of myself for doing the bare minimum of finishing it. But after that i kinda fell into a slump. I think concrete goals is key to live day by day. Somehow the course felt different from studying for ukmppd. Maybe i felt some novelty. I dedicated my fresh brain in the morning to watch the videos. Trying to figure out what goals fits me next

23 - read a super good unfinished zutara fanfic by kittenshift17 til 2 am. Felt too lazy to do anything, even to wash my face, until i finally picked myself up after somehow managing to open duolingo and shower

24 - duolingo food is fun (maybe because bts speaks about food a lot), SLE webinar (quite interesting, further cemented how difficult rheumatology is ckckck)

25 - read ensiklopadi a bit (psych, a bit of neuro, stats), fk digital webinar (radiology)

26 - passed lvl 1 duolingo, read ensiklopadi (a bit of DV)

27 - fk digital (neurology: headache), saw a bit of wethehealth webinar (DV), duolingo, watched wecoc_ykvi's ig live, there are plenty of stuff today on the internet, it seems

28 - literally 1 (one) duolingo lesson, exercise

29 - duolingo, padi CBT, a little bit of exercise

30 - duolingo, finally met up with college friends, padi CBT, dreamed about bts at night. Didnt realize that june is over :")

I finished an actual monthly documentation (of some sort) WOWWWWW will try to continue it. Lets see. Thanks bts for inspiring me and making me happy enough to do this lol

[glisteria]

all of the nsfw asks pls ?

(lowkey doin it bc u asked even tho i wanna do it anyways)

1. Are looks important in a relationship?•In my personal opinion? No. If you focus truly on the outside you may never find someone you connect with that is pretty too yknow? If that makes sense??

2. Are relationships ever worth it?• Of course

3. Are you a virgin?•No

4. Are you in a relationship?•God i wish i was

5. Are you in love?•Wouldnt classify it as love? but maybe

6. Are you single this year?• Uhhh for the most part

7. Can you commit to one person?• Yes

8. Describe your crush•Well you see im weird and like boy a guy AND a girl so ill give u 2 description? The guy is loud and stupidly funny and is a dweeb. The girl is cute asf and very smart and talented plus i keep circling back to acting like a school girl over her so 👀

9. Describe your perfect mate• Someone i can talk with. Make jokes and be comfortable around. Someone who understands my weird mood shifts or try’s to understand

10. Do you believe in love at first sight?• Maybe

11. Do you ever want to get married?•Depends ask me in 10 or so years

12. Do you forgive betrayal?•Depends on how bad it was

13. Do you get jealous easily?•Honestly situational but sometimes yes

14. Do you have a crush on anyone?•Ya yeet

15. Do you have any piercings?•Oh dude ya i have 3 per ear and would like more

16. Do you have any tattoos?•Cat on my inner right ankle (want more tho)

17. Do you like kissing in public?•Yes

20. Do you shower every day?•Try to but #depression

21. Do you think someone has feelings for you?•Haha i thought so but then he decided he didnt wanna be around me :)

22. Do you think someone is thinking about you right now?•Hope so. maybe not im a dISASTER

23. Do you think you can last in a relationship for 6 months and not cheat?• Yes

24. Do you think you’ll be married in 5 years?• 🤷🏻‍♀️

25. Do you want to be in a relationship this year?• Plz

26. Has anyone told you they don’t want to ever lose you?• Yes

27. Has someone ever written a song or poem for you?• No but i for them

28. Have you ever been cheated on?• No

29. Have you ever cheated on someone?•No but i was ‘the other girl once’ and i regret

30. Have you ever considered plastic surgery? If so, what would you change about your body?•Idk smth about my stomach? Breast reduction

31. Have you ever cried over a guy/girl?•Oh yea all the time

32. Have you ever experienced unrequited love?• HA yes

33. Have you ever had sex with a man?•Yes

34. Have you ever had sex with a woman?•Not technically

35. Have you ever kissed someone older than you?• 👀 yes

36. Have you ever liked one of your best friends?• Oh yes the cliché friends to lovers trope. Yes ive fallen for friends

37. Have you ever liked someone who your friends hated?• OH YES

38. Have you ever liked someone you didn’t expect to?• 👀 Sophomore year looking @ u

39. Have you ever wanted someone you couldn’t have?• Do idols count

40. Have you ever written a song or poem for someone?• Ya

41. Have you had sex so far this year?• HA in a dream yea

42. How long can you just kiss until your hands start to wander?• Depends on the persons preferences

43. How long was your longest relationship?•6 months

44. How many boyfriends/girlfriends have you had?• I dunno 6?

45. How many people did you kiss in 2012/2013?• Considering i was 13/14 from what i can remember not many

46. How many times did you have sex last year?• 0

47. How old are you?• 18

48. If the person you like says they like someone else, what would you say?•Id support them because the heart wants what it wants

49. If you have a boyfriend/girlfriend, what is your favorite thing about him/her?• Physically probably their eyes and hands

50. If your first true love knocked on your door with apology and presents, would you accept?•No absolutely not

51. Is there a boy/girl who you would do absolutely everything for?•Yes multiple

52. Is there anyone you’ve given up on? Why?• Yes and because i cared too much and he cared not at all

53. Is there someone mad because you’re dating/talking to the person you are?• I have friends who dont like my other friends if that counts

54. Is there someone you will never forget?• Of couese

55. Share a relationship story.• Haha i dunno. Most are bad

56. State 8 facts about your body• I have a tattoo. I have horrible acne. My right ankle cracks if i bend it. I have a random hard spot on my right leg. I have a large belly. I have a freckle on the outside of my right hand. 3 holes in each ear. I have large brown eyes

57. Things you want to say to an ex• Please stop toying with my even though you are out of my life

58. What are five ways to win your heart?• Be kind to me. Dont pressure me into anything and let me be the way i am. Plz dont make fun of my obsession with kpop or certain games. Food? Literally just like me. Bam you got me

59. What do you look like? (Post a picture!)• HNNNNN ill send (the asker) a selfie

60. What is the biggest age difference between you and any of your partners?• 2 years

61. What is the first thing you notice in someone?• Personality wise probably sense of humor and physically eyes and hands bc dont talk to me i love em

62. What is the sexiest thing someone could ever do for/to you?• Like me?

63. What is your definition of “having sex”?• Situational imo

64. What is your definition of cheating?• Romantic/Sexual advances or actions with someone that isnt your partner without exolicit permission

65. What is your favourite foreplay routine?• Idk kiss me and let’s figure it out

66. What is your favourite roleplay?• Not gonna out myself

67. What is your idea of the perfect date?• Listen to music and talk

68. What is your sexual orientation?• Idk? I like someone for who they are not what they are

69. What turns you off?• I dunno honestly been too long

70. What turns you on?• haha not gonna out myself too much but uhh anything on my neck/behind my ears. Praise like fuck

71. What was your kinkiest wet dream?• Never had a wet dream :)

72. What words do you like to hear during sex?• My name honestly

73. What’s something sweet you’d like someone to do for you?• Idk. Write something about me on their page? Tag me in smth nice? hug me? come to ohio and socialize with me? (come see the nutcracker and phantom of the opera with me this month plz plz)

74. What’s the most superficial characteristic you look for?• Idk

75. What’s the sweetest thing anyone’s ever done for you?• I honestly dont know?

76. What’s the sweetest thing you’ve ever done for someone?• I dunno. Wrote a song to make them feel better? Sent them a whole care package when they were depressed? idk

77. What’s your opinion on age differences in relationships?• As long as its legal idc

78. What’s your dirtiest secret?• O boyo if you wanna know you gotta dm me

79. When was the last time you felt jealous? Why?• Literally any time my friends do something without me or with a new friend

80. When was the last time you told someone you loved them?• Other than friendly and parents probably about a month? i just masked it as friendly?

81. Who are five people you find attractive?•The Person who asked this 👀•Literally all my kpop boys• uhh

82. Who is the last person you hugged?•My dad

83. Who was your first kiss with?• His name was John

84. Why did your last relationship fail?• He decided his ex who was manipulative was better than me

85. Would you ever date someone off of the Internet?• Yes. I actually have