#i’m not gonna lie to y’all

[clovermunson]

author’s note: so i’d listened to anti-hero probably ten, maybe fifteen times prior to writing this. it’s just such a billy song and i felt that i had to write this to justify it. likes and reblogs are very much appreciated, i just ask that you do not repost my work and claim it as yours! — xo, morgan❤️

word count: 930 — just a baby blurb

warnings: mentions of trauma and abuse (rather vague, but can be easily inferred), internalized misogyny and toxic masculinity, angst, and general sadness. if you aren’t a billy hargrove enjoyer, then you’re in no way obligated to read this! you are responsible for your own media consumption.

tags: @nevermore66 (i remembered you commenting on my post about writing more for billy and how you wanted to be tagged, and i just want to thank you so much for that little bit of support!💕) and also the lovely @kc-needs-coffee who basically beta read this for me and gave me her thoughts— i love you so much for that!!❤️

**gif found on pinterest!!

Billy stood with his back against the closet door, his face hidden in his hands to hide the fact that he was crying. It didn’t matter to him that the closet door was thin and flimsy— he’d take support from anything he could get it from at that point. He felt hopeless, alone even. Like he’d never escape whatever hell he’d been subjected to living in.

Don’t let him see you cry, it’ll only make it worse.

It played through Billy’s mind like a personal mantra, a stinging reminder that he wasn’t supposed to show any emotion, that he was supposed to be tough all the time.

But he wasn’t. Billy was sensitive, more sensitive than he ever let on. There were many nights where he kept himself up, trying to find the answers. He tried to make sense of it; why he wasn’t the son his father wanted or why he wasn’t allowed to be sensitive. But he never found those answers, no matter how many times he looked through every imperfection, no matter how late he’d stayed awake wondering what he did wrong.

The only thing he could determine from many sleepless nights spent staring at his ceiling was that it was all his fault. His mom leaving had been his fault. The endless torment from Neil had been his fault, though it was disguised as ‘tough love’. Any trouble that Max got herself into was his fault, despite him never having a part in it. The family, if he could even call it that, as broken and dysfunctional as it was, being uprooted from sunny California to Hawkins had been his fault, even though he never understood why he was to blame for that. Everything was his fault, and he couldn’t escape having the blame thrown on him without so much as a second thought.

He wiped away the tear that had begun to roll down his cheek, flinging his hand down as he did so, almost as if he were throwing the tear away. He took a few deep breaths, trying to regain any semblance of his composure before going to find Max. He couldn’t let anyone see that he was crying, or even let anyone know that he had been crying. Once again, he’d be left to clean up a mess he hadn’t made or run the chance of suffering the wrath of his father for a second time that night. In a wise decision to try and save his own ass, he decided to just stop arguing and agreed to find his sister before it got worse for him.

Looking at the small calendar on his wall, it reminded him just how much closer he was to graduating. How that sweet freedom was almost in his grasp. He’d have to find a job immediately or hope he'd get accepted into a college far enough away, but anything that promised him a shot at getting out of this hellhole and finally being able to support himself was good enough for him.

He then shifted his gaze to his own reflection, noticing how his eyes were still red and slightly puffy. He noticed his tear-stained face. He looked weak, vulnerable even. Why did he hate that he looked vulnerable? Why did it make him damn near viscerally sick to see himself like that?

Oh, that’s right. Because men aren’t supposed to cry. And if Neil saw it, his face wouldn’t be red from just his tears.

He held so much hate and rage in his heart towards Neil for that, sure that he’d never forgive him for burning that into his mind. But, no matter how much it burned him from the inside out, he couldn’t directly take that out on his father, it would only make matters worse for him.

Billy gathered himself, going to his bathroom to splash some cold water on his face in an attempt to try and combat the redness around his eyes. After a few minutes, he looked at his reflection again, content with how he looked, sure that it would save him from the ridicule from his father or anyone else.

He grabbed his keys from his nightstand, feeling his muscles relax a bit from knowing that he’d be leaving the house for at least a few hours. Looking at the key that matched the lock on his door, he smiled to himself, knowing that at least he could keep cherished photos and things his mom had left him safe from Neil.

Without saying a word, he walked through the hallway and living room, right past Neil and Susan, on the way out to his car. It was the one place where he felt comfort, and a little bit of escape from the cruel reality he lived in. He sat in the driver’s seat, his head resting against the headrest as his fingers aimlessly tapped against the steering wheel. A thousand different thoughts raced through his mind, each one making him feel differently about himself, but he settled on one that didn’t make him feel shitty as he looked in his rear view, turning the key in the ignition.

The camaro roared to life, and he felt his body relax for the first time since that morning. He sunk down into the seat, taking a moment to himself as he took another deep breath, stabilizing his menagerie of thoughts. Finally, he’d been granted some clarity.

You’re not the bad guy. You never were. You don’t always have to look for a fight, because that’s not who you truly are.

[saetoru]

i don’t rly understand what’s happening but shes gorjus

[the-mad-prince-of-denmark]

[silliestintheworld]

more milesganke centric tweets!!! bc boredom is for losers

(I KNOW PAVS PFP IS GAYATRI HE JUST SEEMS LIKE TO TYPE TO BE OBSESSED WITH HIS GF😭😭)

[15-lizards]

My friend tried to be my wingman and was talking me up to my crush cause they were at the same party and my crush fully goes “oh I don’t like Hannah like that” and my friend had to save it by being like “oh nah she justs think ur chill and wants to hang” and he called me relaying all of this information and I have never felt so many horrifyingly embarrassing emotions at one time

[insanesonofabitch]

Horrible, horrible thought but what if spn s16 was about Sam and Dean and Cas but the next generation. What if it’s Sam and Cas Fitzgerald and Dean Winchester Jr.

[x-zho]

“alhaitham! look, it’s a padisarah! isn’t it pretty?”

“well done, you can see.”

“…seriously? would it kill you not to be such an ass all the time?”

“i don’t know, would it kill you not to comment on every single thing we pass by?”

“hey, it’s my first time here! i’m trying to enjoy myself,” you pout indignantly. subconsciously. “you’re so unnecessarily rude…”

alhaitham all but scoffs at your comment, bangs swaying from the curt shake of his head.

the majority of people in sumeru would describe him as such- rude, unapproachable. cold and calculating.

it’s not like your opinion of him and his… less than amicable personality mattered to the man. it wouldn’t change how he interacted with rambling fools.

“and you talk too much.”

“it’s called being sociable and nice. you should try it sometime.”

it’s your turn to scoff at his quick, deadpan jab but you quickly decide you don’t have the energy to continue bickering with the grouch.

with a less-than-gentle shove to his side, you briskly speed in front of alhaitham in an attempt to enjoy the scenery by yourself- without any of his negative remarks.

he doesn’t chase after you.

instead, he finds himself focusing on the pep in your step and the way the wind caresses the hair atop your head, and on the way your mood had seemingly brightened after finally gaining a moment of peace.

it’s odd- you’re nothing but a nuisance and a thorn to his backside, but he’d much rather have you to argue with than anybody else.

the realisation is tossed to the back of his mind before he could ponder it any further.

it’s just an observation. nothing more, nothing less.

another observation was the lone padisarah along the path you were both just walking through.

smoothly glancing to check that you were still happily strolling in front of him, alhaitham silently stoops to pluck the beautiful flower from its stem.

; — alhaitham m.list

[chipthekeeper]

sorry to everyone that I have upset by loving something with my entire heart. it will happen again

[cuddlebugmonster]

Making you something.

Get ready.

:3

I frightened

[pebblezone]

Hiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiooooooooii

[eternal-reverie]

was trying to get home from a work training and the gps put me on the highway 😱

[hyacinths-in-a-storm]

Bout to get stoned by the whole atla fandom but after the kickass Percy Jackson live action (THE SERIES, THE SERIES NOT THE MOVIE) I’m intrigued by the new live action atla series.

[bleue-flora]

It’s Duck Season. :]

“He was not going to get away that much was clear, the only question was how long the duck hunting season would last.”

Go check out @midnight-fangirl01’s new chapter, co-authored by yours truly. 🦆

[leejihoonownsmyheart]

I was off of Tumblr for two weeks and now when I open it the first thing I see is we are getting pathetic Jeonghan, and I was like brie are you serious, this ain't a joke.

Brie is serious. But be warned brie has been UNFORTUNATELY series about the return of pathetic jeonghan for months and he still sits in my drafts

[lemonleafloser]

As a SPN fan (not so active now but still)

Hearing that Ty Olsson and DJ Qualls are engaged! This is the HAPPIEST surprise I would’ve NEVER expected!

Like seriously my brain is still processing and my heart is so full for them and just wow!

They’ll never see this but I wish them the absolute best!