#i'm asking about autistics specifically bc i'm wondering if this is a me thing or an autism thing <3

[magdaclaire]

hi question for my autistic besties of the dashboard

this is the autism website so reblog to spread or honestly don't i'm just curious this has little to no actual importance or weight to it

[waywardsalt]

the phantom hourglass manga is the one i care about the most out of all of the loz manga and therefore the one i am most willing to rip apart because of its relation to the game, its own problems, and the potential that was lost or thrown away for any reason at all

making this separate than the list of things i liked about the phantom hourglass manga

im not going to be too organized about this; ill go by topic and in each topic go in chronological order through the manga and everything else will probably be all over the place

im not even going to touch the story yet and just go after the art off the bat because i really believe that this manga has the weakest art of all of them. i dont know if its due to some kind of time crunch or a lack of care but its really… im not expecting any of these books to have killer art, but in ph it just feels like there was less effort with inconsistencies in some designs and either very low detail or just absent backgrounds. this feels like a mean-spirited critique since i understand that manga is difficult to create and requires a lot of effort but its just visually… worse than the loz manga that came before or after it.

some specific grievances i have with the art are things like inconsistent designs of some characters (linebeck is hard to draw and i get that but hes just… never totally consistent) and some items like weapons (the shape of bellumbeck’s sword changes during the fight for some reason) and stuff is… left out. the fire temple has basically no layout since link’s just in some flavor of void for the entire blaaz fight. one of the panels with linebeck’s ship shows it from the behind at an angle where you should see the deck but its just not there

his ship is also missing its chimney on the cover art

this is also more of an opinion thing but the way astrid looks almost nothing like her game counterpart is just… it’s a nickpick based on opinion but that is Not The Same Character.

you can absolutely tell a fantastic story with lacking art, but the reason why im criticizing this manga’s art is because its the tenth in a series of manga who, up until this point, has had consistently good art, and then it drops off with weak backgrounds and character inconsistencies.

plus, i really care about how this story is visually portrayed.

the pacing, even with half of the story cut, is also a bit of a problem. as far as i'm aware, this is the only loz manga to have significant chunks of the story cut out, and while it admittedly works well with only half of the story, it fucks with the pacing a bit. specifically, it screws over linebeck's arc, which i'll talk about more in a different section, but it also kind of glosses over the phantom sword and (obviously) loses some possible time for further character exploration and whatever. the cut from the ghost ship right to jolene right to the final boss is, while handled well, kind of abrupt.

obviously, cutting half of the damn story will make what's kept feel a little too fast, but even some of the stuff more original to the manga is paced weirdly or is just... eh.

there's a bit after neri is found where linebeck decides to stop working with link and basically ditches him and this whole thing lasts one to two goddamn pages before everything is patched up and good and... why even include it if you turn the page and oh problem fucking solved. it's even a little out of character for linebeck at that point since a few pages before he's seen getting the sands of time for link and it's... it make sense but it's a really extreme character choice and while it serves its purpose (introducing the idea of linebeck not valuing other people very much and realizing that) it's still extremely brief.

the added stuff with linebeck being a past member of the ghost ship, while fine and interesting at first glance is also a strange choice that doesn't work all that well? it works for characterization and all of that but it makes for a weird situation with linebeck's character motivation where he's a coward and after the ghost ship for the treasure on it, but if he was present on the ghost ship literally as it was fucking gutted then he would know exactly what the danger of the ship is and want to avoid it no matter what. in the game his motivation for going after the ghost ship works because he doesn't know for certain whats on that ship and has never been on it. plus, aside from character backstory and whatever, it doesnt serve much of a purpose. linebeck even makes some comments about the ship's interior and the like but it all amounts to nothing because link never actually goes into the ship anyways. it's just a weird backstory to give linebeck.

the shuffling around (and cutting of one of) the three final bosses is also weird. it makes sense for the story order the manga goes with, but it actually lowers the stakes for the bellumbeck fight (in the game literally everything is on the line but in the manga its just linebeck and they absolutely use that to their advantage but still) and mixing the ghost ship fight and bellum fights make the final encounter really brief and kind of anticlimactic in some way. it's difficult to express, but the order of the final bosses in the game makes bellum a more interesting villain and melds with linebeck's arc in a much more interesting way. it feels like there was a specific reason for that given order and for the manga to just toss that aside means it loses something.

also reserving pretty much an entire chapter for jolene is A Choice to make. there's nothing wrong with using an adaptation to flesh out a character but here you don't learn anything new about jolene she just kind of makes very little sense in her motivations when you give her more screen time but dont change her from wanting to kill linebeck for fucking off but also still liking him maybe. good for you if you like jolene since she got more time here but they did pretty much nothing interesting with her

this is something i figured out while writing this, but the manga actually does Fuck All with the actual hourglass. you could've cut the fucking thing out and it wouldn't have effected the story too much. link never goes into the temple every again and the phantom sword is just. made on request with link having no interaction with it before using it to kill bellum. the only time the phantom hourglass is actually plot relevant aside from link first getting it and then using it to gather sand is when bellum tells link to bring it to the temple and then it's used exactly once to stop time and then it's used as proof that everything happened. oshus says link needs to use it and the sand to break the curse over the temple of the ocean king and then that never actually happens the sand and the hourglass is just used once to stop time once and otherwise it might as well not be in the story it's so weird. it's also implied that oshus needs the sand to restore tetra after he returns to his own true form but they dont say anything about that after he initially mentions it so who cares. oshus also tells link that zuaz will teach him how to defeat bellum. link never meets zuaz and still beats bellum anyways.

it feels like they cut the latter half of the story but forgot that the fucking majority of linebeck's entire goddamn character arc happens in that part of the story. sure, most of the cutscenes and whatever happens in the first part and linebeck does develop a bit in the first part but he doesn't really start to change until after the ghost ship, when you get his letter and his dialogue starts to change slightly to suggest that he's starting to like link more and care about something other than the possibility of treasure. the manga cutting out the latter half of the story but still making linebeck's arc end in similar places makes his arc feel really fast and even abrupt in the manga. he goes from being fully motivated to get treasure and still kind of selfish to caring a lot for link and deciding not to wish for treasure and the time was just NOT put in to make that a smooth transition.

honestly linebeck overall got fucked in the manga more than any other character. his arc was shafted, his characterization is strange and even kind of changed from the game, he's never drawn consistently and doesn't even look great since he seems to be stuck between two styles when he's drawn, he's more shallow and generally a less interesting character, and while most of that is probably a product of having one book to cover ph, it's still a problem.

like with all of the loz manga, the extremely limited amount of space and time the story is given absolutely fucks it over so you really are stuck with telling nothing more than an abridged and seriously inferior version of the story. i dont care how good the original stuff is if it barely qualifies as a good adaptation. the story wasn't told all of the way and none of the game's strengths are kept or expanded upon. you lose the majority of the best character's arc and depth. half of the story was cut. the title item is barely used. it feels like they didn't really care about adapting phantom hourglass and just hashed out a trimmed-down version of the story to fit into 188 pages and while there was some effort put in with a bit of a unique take on linebeck but it just falls flat when everything around it feels like it wasn't given a second thought.

i'm not suggesting that the author's didn't fucking care, i don't know what the process was with this, but it just... it doesnt feel like they actually wanted to earnestly create a good adaptation of this game. i have an altered perspective on all of this because this game is my special interest and something i deeply care about and inspect the little details of and it kinda just sucks that phantom hourglass never got a good adaptation because... this game has some serious potential for a really good extended adaptation.

Unlike the other Zelda games that the other manga cover, the structure of the journey in Phantom Hourglass has an insane amount of space for fleshing out of character, exploration of new concepts or character relationships, or just.. whatever you want. Providing you cover the original story, of course. Off the bat, there's a nebulous amount of travel time between islands, which can be used by authors for character moments and interactions and just little moments that can be used to further themes or concepts. You can use the implied time overseas between islands to have some interactions between Link and Linebeck. Show the three fairies hanging out with each other. Show the whole crew becoming closer to each other as time drags on.

Linebeck's existence and function within Phantom Hourglass alone is so fucking unique and amazingly good for an extended adaptation. In most other Zelda games, the companions are pretty much glued to Link's side and follows him through dungeons, or they're characters locked in a specific place, more or less divorced from Link's quest, but Linebeck is an integral part of the plot, present for every part of it as it advances, and yet he's out doing fuck-all while Link is in dungeons. He's a great excuse for authors to add detail to islands, write new characterization for background characters, or even just give Linebeck his own b-plot running concurrently with the game's normal plot. He's important to the plot and yet doesn't touch the gameplay; he's free to do whatever you want while Link does dungeon stuff. One possible idea I've mentioned before is the idea of, while Link is in the temple of the Ocean King, is to create and explore a possible relationship between Oshus and Linebeck. Scenes of them talking can be used to flesh out Oshus as a character and to add some extra depth to Linebeck and make his arc more interesting to follow.

There is... SO MUCH you can do with Phantom Hourglass if you care enough to do it, and I'm just so frustrated that we got this solid 4/10 of a manga.

[konboyblues]

Hey so I'm interested in writing for bartkon week, but I like doing frankly excessive research on characters before I try writing them...and honestly I don't really want to read all of SB94, impulse and YJ just to get a handle on what I'm doing, that's a lot even for me. I know some general stuff about the both of them, but not to the point where I'm like "Ah yes, I understand the soul of the matter" So I was wondering if there were like any specific arcs or points of characterization that I could read through to get the dynamic right?

shfkjdsfd ngl, I'm the worst person to ask bc my romance with BartKon didn't even start with BartKon....... it started with Clark/Bart from Smallville 😭😭😭 I'm exceptionally weak for Kryptonian/Speedster romances, but whereas Clark/Bart was the gateway, Bart/Kon is where my heart resides. And I don't ship any other Kryptonians with Speedster. Literally just Clart from Smallville and BartKon from the comics. Just giving you context so you don't think I'm some subject matter expert with a phd in BartKononomics ...... I am just a lady in her thirties who has carboard boxes full of sb/imp/yj singles cuz Clart made her Feel Things when she was a kid and she decided to Do Something about it (aka read comics).

BUT TO YOUR QUESTIONS!

If you want a high level overview of the ship, @radioactive-earthshine's KonBart Manifesto is a great place to start. It has the ship's Best Highlights, and really sums up why there is a small but dedicated fanbase to it. Dedicated enough that I broke my near-ten year cold turkey of mainline DC comics because my main man Bendis put BartKon back on the map while I was living my life blissfully unaware that DC had even hired Bendis to begin with and that the Diamond distro monopoly died. I was shocked. Still am. Two things I never thought would happen in my lifetime.

Now to understand the soul of Bart and Kon.... you're gonna have to look at that things that don't really have Bart and Kon on the same page. Part of the reason why BartKon Speaks to Me is because their relationship progression over the year directly ties back to their individual growth as characters.

So reading material 1: In Impulse, Bart starts off as the speedster equivalent of a feral bobcat, but slowly progresses into an empathetic, understanding, and an overall Good Man. Much of his story deals with the harsh realities of simply growing up different. Running theme of Imp fandom is that Mark Waid created and wrote an autist with ADHD without meaning too, and by Allah he sure did. It's fascinating because Bart harbors both grief and rage due to his predicaments, and the adults in his life are incredibly unkind (even if they are well-meaning), so Impulse has always been, in my understanding, the slice-of-life that really helps Bart to come of age into a Man and a Great Hero. You don't have to read the whole series, but if you can read at least the first twenty or so issues, you'll find yourself rooting for the little man and see how he shines in terms of empathy, understanding, love, and dealing with unresolved rage/grief/loss.

Reading material 2: Superboy is a trick and a half because it deals with issues of child neglect, grooming, the allegory of child star exploitation, and so on and so forth. The BartKon implications are There, but the reason why Superboy is incredibly important is because Superboy as a character is more than just his parentage. Contrary to popular belief, Geoff is NOT the main man in this story. Reading even just the first twenty issues of Superboy will show you Kon was failed by most of the adults in his life, and Superman is NOT his villain. Or the root of his daddy issues. Bro didn't even have a name until much later. If you wanna know who Superboy REALLY was before the Geoffian Era, you can read the first twenty odd issues. If you wanna go earlier, you could read his parts in Reign of the Supermen, just to get an understanding as to why he HAD to be the way he was during this time.

Reading material 3: I do not recommend reading all of YJ 98 for the BartKon bc YJ 98 is hijinks fun. It's GREAT reading for absurdist and comical situations, but only really works with context from Impulse and Superboy to get to the BartKon heart of it all. Not to say YJ 98 wouldn't give you the BartKon goodness, it sure does, but the soul doesn't come together if you don't get how Bart evolved in Impulse and how terribly Kon was treated in Superboy. You can read really anything in YJ to have fun with the group, but if you wanna fast track, you can read the last twenty or so issues and Titans/Young Justice Graduation Day.

Reading material 4: The Geoffian era..... I wouldn't wish Teen Titans 2003 on my worse enemy. Funniest thing is that at the time, I was just starting to watch Smallville. In love with Smallville!Bart already, I embarked on my Superboy journey.... had mixed feelings, so I stuck mostly to the 90's content. Ended up reading impulse a decade later, but long story short.... the Geoffian Era set a Tone and Direction for Bart and Kon that never sit well with me. There IS story there, if you are interested in reading about Daddy Issues, Masculine Identity, and a shit ton of other stuff that really pulled Kon away from his roots and made him more of a Emotionally Tortured Super. If that floats your boat, you may enjoy it. You can read a handful of comics from this era. Just know that in the end, he suffers anyway, just in an ugly ass outfit. The only real bit I'd recommend forreal forreal is when he dies. His whole arc in the Geoffian Era really just tells us he doesn't know how to live and thus he... dies. It's sad bc the writers before him despite having tortured Kon relentlessly, never really made him so...... hopeless.

Reading material 5: Flashpoint.... Bart dies, but I personally did not feel much for him because Bart didn't feel like Bart in the end, but yeah, he kicks it. This is where I pretty much kicked DC to the side too, minus the mistake that was reading RHATO. You can read Kid Flash Lost if you'd like.

Do not read New 52.

Reading material 6:.... my main man Bendis. No you do not have to read all of YJ 2019, but BartKon reunion and then Bart's explication as to WHY he found Kon is all you need. Bendis, despite the hate he gets, actually shows that he has great love for the YJ line. BartKon especially. The bald headed demon proves yet again that he care not for the world, only for his faves, which I'm cool with bc BartKon are me faves.

I know. A lotta reading. Those numbers I gave you.... you can also just read half of what I said kjdhgkhd Googling also helps! I know it's not always feasible to read so many comics, and I'mma be real, the Tone for many may not entice you either. Impulse feels like a slice-of-life to me, but YJ's an absurd shounen, and Superboy is the saddest book you'll ever read that is absolutely hilarious when you can accept that 90's writers just Did Not Care. Geoff hates Bart and Kon. New 52 is not real. Bendis actually loves BartKon a LOT, so you can just read their tidbits and find peace in the fact that Bart Allen, the loneliest fucker in existence, found his Kon El, who is the saddest fucker in existence. Something something, I will find you even if God wants us both dead. And God (editorial) did. I don't know how Bendis pulled the shit that he did, but he put a decades old rarepair back on the map after the Geoffian Reign. And Geoff hates Bart and Kon.

Happy Reading/Googling/Researching!!!!

[bytedykes]

What is ORV actually about? I assumed that it was like... A modern psychological thriller with a bit of queerbait, but now I'm seeing your posts and reblogs tagged ORV that are all kinda surreal and fantasy type stuff, I feel like I saw the word isekai a couple times? So what is ORV actually?

ok i have been sitting on this ask for a few days bc i. have no idea where to even begin trying to explain what orv is about

here's a post by tumblr user ot3 that does a better job of explaining orv than i ever could. below the cut is MY attempt at an orv summary

"what is orv actually about?" this is a wonderful question. i don't know. i did nothing but read this novel for 2 weeks straight and i could not for the life of me tell you what orv is "about"

the thing about this book is that if you're reading it, it makes perfect sense. the events are linear. there is a bunch of mindfucky bullshit BUT it all happens in a relatively straightforward way. i understand orv perfectly. but at gunpoint, could i put the events in chronological order? no. pull the trigger

ok. orv is about a salaryman named kim dokja who has the most uninteresting boring life in the world. this is a lie. he does nothing but go to his job he's about to get fired from, eat convenience store kimbap, and read webnovels. he reads a specific webnovel (twsa) that has been updating daily for 13 years straight. he has been reading it since he was 15 through his entire adult life

twsa is about the apocalypse, starring protagonist yoo joonghyuk. the day kim dokja reads the last chapter and eagerly awaits the epilogue to be published the apocalypse happens. exactly like in the webnovel. now armed with a .txt file of twsa and his autism superpowers he navigates the apocalypse trying to reach his ideal ending

orv, for lack of better term, does not take itself very seriously at times. frequently, even. at least half of the major plot points are comprised of complete bullshit. every few chapters i had to put the book down and go "no fucking WAY is this actually happening" but it was! it was happening every time! its hysterical!

orv is also extremely meta. every time you think "ok it cannot possibly get more meta, this is it, this is the peak" ur wrong. u are wrong every single time until the very end of the epilogue. it can ALWAYS get more meta. orv is 100% the most meta thing i have read in my life

on top of all this, pretty much anything you can think of has happened in orv. "orv is a book about everything" while an exaggeration, this is true. it really fucking is. it has everything in it. you know that poem by shel silverstein, "everything on it"? that's what reading orv is like

it tackles many serious topics (such as: loneliness, the desperate desire to connect with other people combined with the inability to allow yourself to be loved, finding the things that push you to keep surviving) and many topics that are. not that (such as: "what if a dumpling had a face how would that work", "what if gay people were insane and not even friends", "what if a guy was so autistic his brain started eating people", "what if a monkey was actually 4 monkeys" and more such things. wouldnt that be fucked up)

orv definitely. yeah. surreal and fantasy type stuff is a very appropriate descriptor. a modern psychological thriller is... also appropriate i suppose. "a bit of queerbait" is NOT appropriate because orv is built on queerbait but not in the sense of it being baiting. in the sense of it being canon but unsaid. like its not canon. but it is. its canon and it is constant. there is an archangel that ships said queerbait she is a proud yaoi supporter. this is a real thing i am not making up

on top of that insane queerbait. there is insane polycule bait as well. like i need you to understand that while its not "canon" in the traditional sense of the word it IS real and it IS on screen and it IS as explicit as it could actually be without it actually being, you know, explicit. it literally makes me feel insane

ISEKAI. RIGHT. im not really familiar with isekai as a genre so take this paragraph with a grain of salt but orv is more of a reverse isekai? the fantasy world comes TO the "real" world. however there are in fact multiple isekais-within-the-isekai later on. multiple types of them even

anyway orv is also heavily based on the theme of stories and like. god i hope you've read ot3's post because im sure they explained it better. its a very theme-heavy piece of media where the rules of the world aren't based on logic but based on how they can further the themes. its very intricately constructed and like

it will blow your mind. god. i dont even know what im saying anymore. its good is my point it is so fucking good. orv changed me. it is a very hopeful piece of media and i am sure that rereading it will devastate me even harder than it did the first time

TLDR: orv is an insane long book about literally everything and at least half of those things are complete bullshit but are incredibly integral to the plot. somehow. it is very worth reading and will change ur life forever

[drewsaturday]

idk why i'm thinking about this but random memory

back in high school there was an incident where a kid in one of my classes was being bullied and singled out by our teacher. i wasn't friends w the kid, he was a few years younger than me (but same class bc it was elective), but our moms knew each other which is how i heard the situation had escalated through the system.

aaaaand that our guidance counselor had handled the situation really unfairly, calling in other kids from the class (not me) to specifically ask them if the kid acted out a lot which... was to pin blame on that kid, as opposed to recognizing "hmm maybe he's acting out BECAUSE it's a fucked up environment and we should inquire about the causes" because then they'd have to acknowledge A Problem. instead they were just gathering "evidence" that the kid was a troublemaker.

i ended up speaking to our guidance counselor on behalf of him because like, i'd been Witnessing this since the start of the school year and i also just did not vibe with that teacher much anyway. he had a very funny charismatic exterior so a lot of kids liked him, but he really was just an asshole at the end of the day. and i think other kids did see that, but for whatever reason (assuming this was even the truth) the kids that had been called in were on his side, and anyone against him didn't know there was an investigation going on at all. i would not have known of his mom hadn't been my mom's coworker, my mom relayed the info to me, and i made the connection.

anyway i later learned at a meeting between that kid, his mom and the school they tried to claim that in their investigation no one had mentioned the teacher being unfair to that student. meanwhile the kid's mom kNEW I HAD SAID SOMETHING. which also called into question heyyyy had you guys been truthful at all about the other kids vouching for that teacher? because lol you're lying? and it's just such a random thing where i'm really glad i did chime in and insert myself where i did not belong, because if it weren't for that random connection that kid's family wouldn't have had any insight beyond the school's word to go on about it.

i am fairly certain that teacher was either fired or left by the next year, possibly partly due to this situation but more likely due to a combination of Situations (there was a sexual harassment claim against him as well a prior year i think) and idk. it's just something i think about sometimes, how unfair and manipulative the school was about it all, and i'm not surprised since that school failed me a bunch as well but god. i was a socially anxious autistic trainwreck of a teenager but the couple times i did put myself out there to try and help were always so worth it.

tl;dr school tried to lie to a family friend that their kid was not being bullied by a teacher, and that no one had ever vouched for the kid during their investigation, but because i did the family was able to realize the school was lying to them about it all and the teacher was mysteriously no longer there the next year, and i have to wonder how many other situations were swept under the rug because of the administration lying. (i don't have to wonder, there were many others.)

[a-casual-kpopfan]

I have this question for the entire angst genre, but you're my go-to for stories like that, so I figured if there's anyone to ask, it'd be you. Why do you write angsty stories(especially those centered around cheating that aren't necessarily smut)? Not a writer myself, so I'll make a few assumptions here: People write fluff for feel good purposes, people write smut because they're horny(don't blame them), and people write smut with cheating in it sometimes bc that's something that gets them going. But why do you write fics where there is no happy ending and it just leaves you with a sinking feeling in your stomach? Please don't get me wrong, I love reading them, but I have to say that if I ever created any story, something sad would be the last thing on my list, especially when you can create any fantastical, unrealistic, magnificent, perfect world with your imagination. Sorry for rambling, or if any of this doesn't make sense. I was just wondering if there was any specific thing that drove you to write about this topic. Thank you, if you end up giving this the time of day to read(Ik it's a monster but I really just rambled, I'm not great at articulating things I mean succinctly).

Well anon, this is a great ass questions and really you’re the first one to ever ask me about this.

We’ll get ready to go balls deep in why I write.

I like to write my fics with as close to life and as realistic as possible. There’s always going to be fics of a perfect guy or a OC in the perfect situation to get or meet an idol.

Yes idol fics already scream fiction and unrealistic situations but hey, I try?

And why the angst?

The world isn’t a perfect place, far, far from it. Did you know that 7/10 marriages end in divorce? Did you know that in 1/10 births, they will be born autistic or something? I’m not entirely sure if my numbers are 100% accurate but these are facts I learned through my life.

Life doesn’t bring you flowers and rainbows, it doesn’t bring you definitive happiness.

Believe me, I love, love stories and movies but the endings, the feelings, it feels so unrealistic to the point that I don’t believe in real love, just comfortability in another person.

I want my stories to hit hard at home, in you and in my other readers. Where feelings can actually be felt, not to live in bliss and fall that people or in this the characters to live in a happily ever after.

A lot of it comes from personal experience and I want to write about it.

But to be fair, I like making people sad with my fics, it tells me they work. 😂

I’m sure my Ghost partner feels the same as I’m the only who actually got him writing angsts too, but yet he still calls me evil for some my plots. Lol

Well thank you reading my TedTalk, I hope you enjoyed.

Don’t forget to like, subscribe and ring that ding a ling bell for notifications of my postings. 😘

[formulatrash]

hi! if you don’t mind talking about it, how would you say being autistic has shaped you working in media/journalism? just curious bc we’re obvs all different, as are our traits, but i feel like a job in that area would be so at odds with my experience of my autism and i was wondering how you feel about it <3

been meaning to answer this for ages and then there's autism discourse (one of the worst five discourses) on twitter and I suddenly remembered about it.

as you say, everyone's experience and traits are different. and I didn't know I was autistic until I was in my late 20s, so have a particularly different experience of it. so, this is not 'how all autistic people would experience it' it's just like, how I find it.

I'd also say there is an extremely high prevalence of neurodivergence in motorsport journalists. probably journalists generally but particularly motorsport. but mileage varies across all of that, of course.

things that make it hard: I struggle with, for instance, asking visibly upset drivers for interviews. it makes me feel sick with empathy (it's not true autistic people don't have empathy, we often have too much) - but I don't think that's a bad thing. tbh I think there's too much emphasis on trying to be hard on interview subjects and it's like, what do you expect to get out of this?

conversely, I think it helps with interviewing drivers other people can't. I get interviews other people don't and there's people who'll talk to me when they won't talk to others. so, that's a mixed bag.

it's difficult in terms of the job being social but honestly I don't know how much that's being autistic or being a woman. you get excluded from stuff a lot but I don't think that's because I'm not friendly or can't make friends. stuff like drinks receptions or whatever is difficult, especially in places where it's sensorily overwhelming but like, that is what it is and it's not technically a necessary part of on-the-clock work.

where it doesn't help, at all, is some social media stuff. I can get wound up and overwhelmed relatively easily and I find it hard to step away from things. meltdowns are just, well, meltdowns and I am chernobyl in that respect. it's not, y'know. dignified or acceptable and I've never worked out a balance of how to remove or protect myself from it; obviously being autistic doesn't mean you have meltdowns on twitter but for me it's definitely one of the things that I can't cope with as part of being autistic.

it also... I know I would be bad at TikTok because I don't smile and I'm not expressive. that sort of to-camera Insta story and TikTok stuff, I can't do and it frustrates me a bit because that seems to be the only way to get traction and it's also tied up with male journalists not having to do it and oh [pulls duvet over head]

anyway; other ways it helps are the travelling, for me. I know some autistic people would not have this experience and might find it overwhelming but I can memorise huge chunks of stuff, like airport layouts and maps of cities and use the puzzle-solving bit to figure stuff out even when I can't read a language. I'm an information sponge and can process it quickly - which can sometimes make situations overwhelming but so long as I'm travelling on my own I'm quite good at retreating into myself to deal with that. (I can't stand travelling with anyone who faffs around, it's the absolute worst. do or do not there is no faff)

I can grasp topics easily and complex stuff goes into my brain fast (and stays there) which is helpful for the tech stuff. some of that is that I am smart in that specific way (which is not the only way to be smart, obviously) so

I don't think my mental health is dogshit because I'm autistic, I think my mental health is dogshit because I have a laundry list of trauma that, honestly, it's quite impressive I operate despite of and try to be relatively kind to myself about, with mixed success. but sometimes it is also affected by being autistic; I can be very sensitive to things that other people don't think are anything and upset myself for days. sometimes, even though I am very highly trained to understand cues, I don't and then I'll misunderstand something and upset myself.

some things, like being nervous to email pitches - well, it's just cus emailing pitches is fucking scary as hell to everyone. a lot of stuff about motorsport journalism (or anything, frankly) is just scary and hard and complicated and it's the same for everyone. sometimes it helps that I have a ruthlessly efficient bit of my brain that deals with things like accreditation systems, sometimes it makes me feel like shit because I'm anxious and paranoid about what's been used from filming I've done and whether I missed obvious cues that they were going to fuck me over.

so: a mixed bag, I guess. and it would be different for everyone.

[everyone-with-a-para]

i'm sorry if this sort of ask isn't allowed, you can delete it if that's the case.

when i was a kid i created space that exists in my brain where i talked to the characters from my special interests (i'm autistic). sometimes i'd make people up too. there rules that must be followed there and i'd spend a lot of my time daydreaming about it. but i knew it wasn't real, it was just a way to have fun and feel something i guess. i'd infodump and they'd listen and there were some games in which my fav characters had to listen to specific songs or listen to me read a story i've chosen bc i liked imagining their possible reactions. nowadays their "presence" is much more mild and they only ever show up when i still want to have them react to something (which happens at least once a day bc even now that i'm an adult it's still so fun). only one character is "present" all the time bc i created her to help with intrusive thoughts (she is the personification of my subconscious so if i had an unwanted thoughts i could say it came from them). when i'm in distress i also talk to this character and she helps me calm down. i know she's not real, but i've grown so used to having this private space and this specific 'person' around since i was a child that it all just happens naturally now. i don't have to think about it, it's just there and it's how things are. i think it helps me get through the days. i've been wondering if this could possibly be madd? i've always felt so ashamed of it but i can't help it

That definitely sounds like it could be immerssive daydreaming or MaDD. I used to have a lot of out-of-paracosm para presence where the characters from my special interests (autistic buddies!) could interact with my real life too and although most of my daydreams take place within paracosms now I still have them show up to react to stuff as well

Feeling ashamed is smth a lot of ID/MaDDers can relate to unfortunately. It can feel childish or antisocial to still be "playing pretend" but it's your life, it's your mind. You can daydream whatever you want forever and no one can stop or judge you

[chaotic-queer-disaster]

hi! so i'm currently trying to figure out whether or not i might be autistic and echolalia specifically absolutely blew my mind because i feel like i do that all the time. so i'm wondering what has been kind of- your experience with it? like what exactly does it mean for you? because clinical definitions are hard to understand sometimes

i answered another ask giving more information about echolalia in general but here's more of my specific experience:

its often automatic. i don't think about it. ever since i was little i've been repeating back things (mostly jokes) said by TV characters, and i don't do it on purpose; it just happens

i do sometimes use it for communication, but it's done not very well lol. specifically when i am communicating i often use delayed echolalia of. uh. my cat! and he is a cat he is a kitty he goes meow and humans do not understand what "meow" means as a form of communication (it means i want attention) (again, it's automatic, i dont rlly control it/think about it before it's said)

sometimes it isn't automatic (rarer). i feel a need to say the thing and therefore i Do Say The Thing, but i can refrain from saying it if needed. example being "fuckin MINT" which my friend used to say a lot and i would say it but i could hold that one in around my parents (who don't like me swearing)

sometimes it's repeated once, sometimes SEVERAL TIMES. most notable example: when i read skullduggery pleasant for the first time, i said "Skulduggery Pleasant’s 1954 Bentley R-Type Continental is one of only 208 ever made" about 15 times before i continued on with reading (not sure if that's exactly echolalia because i wasn't repeating something that was originally said out loud, but it is some sort of echophenomena)

the thing isn't necessarily a vocal stim; i'm not doing it bc it feels or sounds good (though sometimes it does, too), i'm doing it bc. brain says so. brain says so before i can even say "no im not going to say that" sometimes, in fact

[notabled-noodle]

Hey so a few days ago you said a thing either about or that I read as special interests in autism being kinda like a lens, so I was wondering if it’d be ok for me to ask if my situation applied?(if not it’s fine, feel free to stop reading now bc idk how long/short this’ll be)

So I’ve been someone who adores stories most of my life, and it has been a way that I’ve explained real world stuff to myself, little and big, to the point where my brother(who is diagnosed with autism and is into music and reptiles) has said it’s weird and possibly problematic. But it’s just the way that I get stuff to make sense to me. If a book I’ve read has a scenario that mirrors an exact moment in real life, it’s going to be easier for me to understand. And apparently I’m pretty good at storytelling too(though one of my favorite things is world building).

As long as I can remember stories of some sort have been my go-to for anything. Motivation to clean my room? Make a story out of it. Focusing on school? I can read my book afterwards. I stayed up late last night designing a complex monetary system and making up words to correlate with different numbers to help me calm down from feeling really stressed for most of the day.

Idk if this is enough info to go off of, especially without actually knowing someone, but do you think stories might qualify as a special interest?

(I’d also like to say that while my brother is diagnosed he’s also had therapy for a good while. My parents were saying they’d work on getting me therapy pre-Covid but once everything happened in 2020 they kinda just forgot, plus I’ve kind of always been the later focus for medical and mental health stuff. Also I won’t take anything you say as a diagnosis, I’m just hoping for further insight)

yeah! special interests can definitely be a lens we use to look at the world. that's one of my favourite special interest metaphors, actually!

what you describe sounds a lot like what I'm talking about with that, yeah. anything can be a special interest, and every autistic person will have a different set of special interests. a lot of what you see online nowadays is autistic people who have specific media as a special interest, but there are definitely people who have special interests that are ideas, tropes, time periods, styles, and other more vague concepts.

I'll also say that... if it helps to have more concrete examples of a special interest being a lens, here are some examples!

I use my knowledge of dog body language and behaviour in order to understand my own emotions, and the emotions of others. dogs have literally taught me emotional intelligence

certain tasks from Taskmaster have encouraged me to learn new skills, such as hula hooping. the show has also helped me to learn the difference between a playful argument and an actual argument, and other human interaction type things

there's always a fact from a special interest that I can relate a real life event to, and this helps me to process the world around me

I hope this helps, and that it makes sense. remember that I'm just one autistic person, and every autistic person will have a different relationship to special interests

[c0smicfern]

today, i find myself thinking a lot about if it could just be high sensitivity that i'm dealing with. to clarify, i definitely am a highly sensitive person, but i'm wondering whether or not that's a complete answer for everything that i'm dealing with & generally what the actual difference is between having autism or being highly sensitive. here are some things i've been considering:

sensory sensitivities. on one hand, i don't seem to have as severe sensory sensitivities as most autistic people seem to have. on the other, somebody yelling (in general, doesn't even need to be directed at me) or having too many people talking around me can cause a meltdown or a shutdown. but then again, these could just be things triggered by a high sensitivity to emotional stimuli, not necessarily sensory stimuli, which would point to me just being an HSP. i struggle to think of other sensitivities that would even qualify. i have a weak sense of smell & awareness of my own balance & where my body exists in space that is exacerbated by stress, but that's really it?? i also enjoy listening to music & smelling things more than the average person as the former helps me regulate & i enjoy the latter bc i don't normally pick up scents very well. these things could point to autism, but they're not the only factors i have to take into account.

early development. i engaged in imaginative play, made eye contact (i assume bc i forgot to ask my mom when i was asking her about this stuff last week), and woke up when i heard my name called at 9mo. i mean, if that isn't a silver bullet for any chance at me being diagnosed with autism, i don't know what is. i was relatively nonverbal for much of my childhood & especially when i started school, but this could be construed as me just being overly shy. in reality, i generally had no idea how to engage in conversation beyond the things that interested me. can that be explained by HSP? is there room for a relative lack of symptoms in early development where an autism diagnosis would be concerned? i don't know.

communication issues. i don't remember when i started having issues with eye contact or if i always have, but i know that i definitely do now as i generally prefer to avoid looking people directly in the eye too much. i just find it to be kind of stressful & disorienting during conversation. i've always sucked at small talk. i mean, it's boring, and i still struggle to think of what to say if i'm not talking about my interests. i also have somewhat inconsistent difficulties with reading social cues as i trend towards interpreting things negatively if there's any room for ambiguity. gestures can confuse me at times as well. i work in a very diverse area, and we oftentimes have customers come in who speak limited english. sometimes, they'll point to something on the menu, and it'll take a second for it to click what they're trying to communicate. after that, figuring what they're actually pointing at can be a struggle as well. i also don't generally use a lot of body language or gestures because it's not really something i think about. on my end, i experience nonperformative facial expressions normally, even if they can appear flat to other people. social smiling, on the other hand, creeps me out even though i've had to be on the receiving end of it my entire life. i also rarely do it back bc my smile either looks flat or unnatural depending on if i'm trying to smile with my teeth or not. i generally experience these things as a physical inability to replicate what other people are "performing" for lack of a better word, though.

monotropism. my mind does often get stuck on things, and i can spend most of my waking life thinking about them. after i've watched a show/movie & if i really liked one of the characters, i'll continually go on yt just to look up specific scenes or lines of dialogue with that character. is this normal fangirling or autism, though? i genuinely don't know. i feel like i also don't experience what i consider my special interests the same way as most other autistic people do because of my issues with executive functioning. i care about writing & being a writer deeply, and i especially love worldbuilding & sussing out the mechanics/concepts i need to build in order for a setting to function & appear how i want it to. i feel like i only do it a few times a week, though, just because i find it incredibly difficult to start tasks or see things through to completion. not exactly the stereotypical vision of autism.

so what have i learned? what is the most accurate theory of mind for me to hold about myself? i can't say. in some ways, i relate to the autistic experience deeply. in other ways, i don't seem to fully meet the diagnostic criteria. could it be inattentive adhd (formerly add) & being an hsp? could it be generalized anxiety & being an hsp? or is it really autism & i don't know, depression? i may not know or learn until i finish the diagnostic process. or i may never know, and that scares me on a level that i can't express.

[the-lincyclopedia]

4, 5, 6, 35 (IK it's not mine; that's okay XD), 43, 48, 50? :))

4. Do you write original stories as well?

Yes! I'm hoping to start draft three of the novel I'm working on soon, and I'm waiting to hear back from an anthology where I submitted a short story. Usually fandom gets my energy for short pieces of writing and original stuff gets my long-form energy; the fact that I'm trying to be a novelist is one of the reasons I don't write multi-chapters anymore.

5. What fanfic of yours should everyone have read?

This question makes it sound like I expect people to already be familiar with my work, which feels kind of arrogant to me. Assuming it's asking what fic I'd like everyone to read . . . see, I still want to let people pick and choose (and avoid stuff they're not going to enjoy or that they might find triggering)!

That said, I think I'm going to rec "To Every Single Kid I Used to Be" here. It has a much higher ratio of comments to hits than most of my other stuff, meaning that fewer people have read it than have read a lot of my other fics, but a lot of the people who read it wanted to let me know how much they liked it. It's a Jack Zimmermann character study, and I highly recommend bringing tissues given that most of the commenters say they cried (but also felt happy/hopeful at the end).

6. What is a fandom you will never write for?

Uh . . . it's hard to know where my obsessions will take me next, and I've definitely eaten my words before when it comes to thinking I wouldn't get into something. I guess I'm pretty confident I won't get into Hannibal? A friend from another fandom got really into Hannibal and never tagged their posts, and eventually I had to unfollow because some of that stuff really turned my stomach.

35. What is your favorite review?

Honestly, your comment was very very sweet! "I'm not even in this fandom" comments are very special and I definitely don't get them often!

That said, probably the most gobsmacked I've ever been by a fic comment was when I got this one (on "To Every Single Kid I Used to Be," actually):

I reread (and finished) the comic after I put it down 5 years ago and I didn't really mean to end up on ao3 but I had to see what kind of things people were writing about Jack being autistic (I refused to believe people just wearnt writing autistic jack of course) and shit. Not only is this an incredibly creative way to tell a story. It's a very fitting way to tell Jacks story specifically. This was absolutly wonderful. I had to take a break in the middle bc of how emotional I was, I still ended up crying. Thank you so much for this. I genuinely don't know if I'll read another OMGCP fic I've read two after this reread (yours being one of them) and they've just been so perfect I don't know that I need to read anything else. This was absolute brilliance. Thank you. Thank you so much.

Like, I genuinely don't know how to be worthy of this.

(Runner up to this comment on "Face the Future with You":

I havent even actually started reading this fic yet but i thought you might enjoy the fact that i'm BIG dumb and thought the name of this series was "Neurodivergent Zombies" and i was looking at the tags like 'it doesn't mention that this is a zombie apocalypse au'

Very excited to read this Zombie-Free fic tho

Just. The pure hilarity.)

43. Guilty pleasure tropes and scenarios?

When I got this one earlier I said insecurity, but now I'm thinking about tropes, and honestly? If you do it well, you can definitely throw the kitchen sink at me: fake dating, only one bed, amnesia, whatever your heart desires. I adore fic tropes (though I read them MUCH more than I write them).

48. What is your favorite sentence that you’ve used in a fanfic?

Oh wow! I have over 400k on AO3, so that's a big question. The first thing that comes to mind is "Caroline’s laugh tinkles like glass breaking, musical and jagged and dangerous," which is from "The Difference an Evening Can Make," one of my Lizzie Bennet Diairies fics. I want to think there are better sentences in some of my other stuff, but honestly I feel like I'm better at the story level than at the sentence level.

50. Can we get a teaser for an upcoming chapter?

I'm not really working on anything at the moment. The only thing in my Google Drive that I think has a particularly high chance of getting finished is the sequel to my summer camp AU, and I haven't touched it in a while, so who knows. Anyway, here's a snippet:

They reach the lake and walk out onto the dock. As they lay down next to each other, Jacques says, “Can I ask why you wanted to get out, or is that too personal?” 

Bitty tries to shrug. It doesn’t work very well given that gravity is pressing his shoulders into the wooden slats of the dock. “It’s okay. I’m gay, and I’m not out to my parents. Honestly, I don’t think the camp I’ve worked at would ever have hired me if they’d known. I could handle it when I was in high school--I’d never come out to anyone--but now I’ve moved out and come out to my college friends, and I just didn’t want to go back into the closet for a whole summer.” 

“Yeah. I get that,” Jacques says. “The closet is even less fun to return to than it is to live in the first time.” 

“Oh!” says Bitty. “Are you--I mean, sorry; I shouldn’t ask--” 

Jacques chuckles. “I’m bi. I’m, uh. Honestly I’m more public about it here, with the other staff, than I am at school. My parents have known since I was 17, but . . . well, let’s just say that it’s not exactly rare for American guys who voluntarily learn French to be some variety of queer. Actually, sometimes when I’m here I have to explain that I’m not gay. Which is very much not what it’s like at school.” 

“Where do you go to school?”

“UW-Madison,” Jacques says. “It’s . . . I mean, it would probably be fine if I weren’t on the hockey team. I mean--shit. That sounded terrible. I like that I’m on the hockey team. I like playing hockey. I just. My teammates, sometimes, I guess . . .”

“I get it,” Bitty says. “I play hockey, too.” 

“Really?” Jacques sounds surprised. “But you’re . . .”

“Tiny, I know,” Bitty cuts in, chuckling. “And fast as hell, thank you very much. With very soft hands.” 

Get in on the ask game!

[hoothalcyon]

Hiya! You asked for asks, so I'm sending you one!

1) What are some random opinions/ headcanons about the dragon prince that you've never published before?

2) I felt that you should know I recently bought a copy of The House in the Cerulean Sea because of your posts. I bought it at my local English bookstore, it was 15.50€ and it's now on top of the pile of things I have to read after I finish The Return of the Kings (so like in 15 years), but I feel like I won't regret that purchase ;) so if you have any advice before I start reading (like best setting / time of day or night / things I should know / anything you'd like to share), I'm all ears :D

1 ) one thing I really love about TDP is the way it portrays disabilities! I feel like a lot of media, specifically media made by abled and/or NT people, feels like it has to treat stories about disabilities with such an inherent seriousness; like they have to pay 'respects' to the 'less advantaged'. but TDP basically subverts that by not only making their disabled characters as well-rounded as their abled counterparts, but also not being afraid to make light jokes about their disabilities! the important thing with this approach is that the humour doesn't become degrading and it's laughing with and not at. one example that comes to mind is Rayla lightheartedly apologizing to Ava after making a comment about having/using all four legs (can't remember exactly) and Ava just barks like "I got u!!" 🤣

I hesitate to include Amaya in the umbrella of disabled characters only because I've heard differing statements on whether deafness is a disability or not, but her playfully jabbing at Viren by saying "you don't have to whisper, I'm deaf" is unironically wonderful; I'm glad TDP feels like they can approach disability in a way that doesn't always carry so much weight!

TDP is doing a good job of showing disability the way I, an autistic person, would like to see it represented! Being disabled doesn't have to be a sad or serious story. I regularly laugh at my inability to read social cues.

2 ) AHHHHH!!! that makes me so happy!!! I kinda feel bad that I've unknowingly spoiled some things for you... :( hopefully you'll have forgotten them by the time u get to reading it. also, I'm confident that the book will still be great even if you already know a few things!

I really hope you love it! it's currently my favourite book probably ever. it fulfilled and exceeded my need for a warm, happy story with very authentic and heartfelt found family and finding happiness. this book far exceeded my expectations. I literally read more pages than usual at a time bc I couldn't stop. I would do flappy hands while sitting down to read it bc I was so excited! it's not the kind of book where it keeps building and building before it gets to the good part; the book IS the good part. admittedly, there are some sad parts, especially in the beginning, but once you get going it hits you with all the warm feelings. I promise you'll fall in love with AT LEAST 4 characters if not all of them.

as for the right time of day to read the book, I almost always read (in general and THITCS) at night because I'm able to focus more effectively, so I was able to devote all of my attention to THITCS. I've also read it on the bus, coincidentally during the scene where Linus is first travelling to the island, which was ✨immersive✨

I could go on and on about this book. I'm currently rotating it in my brain nonstop so u arrived at a good time 🤣 the only content warnings I can think of are mentions of negative self-image relating to weight, and mentions of child abuse.

lastly: please share your thoughts with me once you start reading!! I'd love to read them!!

[hanarinhightown]

Can i ask how you went about getting an ASD diagnosis ? I've been trying for uhh two years now and I feel that little things that "don't fit" (like you were saying with you being spontaneous) are keeping dictirs from even considering but i know there's something going on

hi anon! thank you for asking -- i 100000% relate to what you're saying. like, just as an anecdote, when i was a baby, i refused to learn to walk, or even crawl until really late. i just was not interested. i sat in a corner and did puzzles all day. the other main thing i know about my infancy is that i would hold eye contact a lot. i know this because my parents would bring it up...weirdly often? only recently did i come to find out that especially in the 90s late developmental motor skills like walking and not holding eye contact are like the two main criteria they were using for babies??? so the reason my parents were so keyed into those things was bc doctors were using the second thing (the fact that i held eye contact -- earlier and longer than even a baby without autism) was used as a reassurance that i couldn't be autistic. part of it is i think those kinds of things having to be filtered through regular physicians who aren't trained in these things other than a checklist? so what you're saying is super duper real. neurodiversity isn't just a checklist. it specifically is a descriptor for people who fall outside of some invisible checklist of traits for neurotypicals. your mileage may vary.

[more under cut bc i don't know how to shut up]

anyway. for me it was just, unfortunately, a lot of talking to a lot of people that i didn't want to talk to and paying for lots of appointments. i didn't have the money or doctor's reference to just walk into one of those testing places and have insurance help, so. when my main therapist (actually my therapist for my eating disorder that ended up becoming my general therapist bc it just worked) began to suspect that i may be autistic, we started talking about the possibility of me meeting with a different therapist who specializes in ASD. it wouldn't be an "official" diagnosis bc to get that (where i live at least) you have to go through the testing places, but an ASD therapist could all but confirm it. so that's what we did (eventually -- i weighed how important a diagnosis actually was to me for a few months), and within two appointments with the other therapist she basically said "i can neither confirm nor deny the very obvious fact that you indeed are autistic wink wink."

after that, i started saving up for an examination (again, after months of going back and forth about whether it even mattered to me to have a piece of paper that said it -- i think the answer might be different for everyone) and i was fortunate that my therapist was extremely supportive and made phone calls for me and also waived her fees for me for months. like. a whole year-- so i really did get lucky and i hate that i had to. this kind of things should be accessible. and it's honestly not really all over yet because i keep getting bounced around now with other diagnoses? like people being like "well what if you also have adhd" and other (wrong) people being like "you can't have both, maybe it's ocd" "no it's ocd + adhd" "no wait maybe it IS just asd and adhd." so. that's cool. :-) luckily i'm not seeking medication at the moment (although that's partially bc no one will give me a straight answer on adhd or ocd and i'm scared to mess around with medicine bc drugs of any kind really affect me easily -- that's just a personal thing though). but while i still wonder/struggle with some stuff, honestly just knowing that i'm autistic has been so freeing for me. not that people should need permission to be themselves, but you know that's only realistic to a point with pressure from society. i stick up for myself more now, ask for what i need, say when something is too much or i'm overstimulated, etc. and i'm just... idk. me? idk i'm trying to walk a line here b/t being informative/supportive and being realistic about the nightmare it's been? sorry anon

and i know this has gotten long but i also just wanted to say that you don't need a diagnosis to be autistic. people talk a lot about self-diagnosing being a "problem" but i would argue that the inaccessibility/expense/apathy of medical professionals is a bigger problem, especially if a diagnosis can potentially change your entire life in a way you aren't prepared for and you more just want confirmation for yourself for peace of mind after having had a feeling that there was always something about the way that society has been set up to function that doesn't fit your needs or the way you see the world. and honestly? talking to other autistic people on places like tumblr helped me more than anything else tbh. giving myself a vocabulary for talking about it and having the words to explain what i meant when talking to doctors, just for them to be like "yeah ur right so tru autistic bestie" so take that fwiw

[livebloggingmydescentintomadness]

there's a difference between general usage and calling a specific person who hasn't said they're okay with it derogatory terms to do with their marginalization, or what you think is their marginalization (which frankly isn't cool to be speculating about at all). calling a specific woman a bitch, a schizophrenic person crazy, an autistic person stupid, a sex worker a whore, etc, is not okay, and neither is calling real queer men fruity. people saying things like 'crazy,' 'crackhead,' 'whore,' etc

in general, but i called you on it here because--again--you are using homophobic language against /specific real people on the basis of their (supposed) identities,/ & acting like it's fine bc it's a joke & 'not that bad.' that is on a whole other level. i can't stop you--in the end it's up to you whether to continue making excuses, or pull up & examine your actions--but i'm telling you right now that you /are/ being homophobic. you can't say you didn't know better now; it's on you. i'm done.

hey, my problem with you right now is not the content of what you’re saying, but that i am trying to have a discussion with you in a calm, rational way about this, and it seems like you’re acting as though i’m being a completely unreasonable asshole. i’m not trying to argue, i’m trying to figure this out.

yeah, i get what you’re saying, but when i’m also provided with contradictory opinions on a topic i’m not necessarily well-versed in, i am not just going to immediately side with one of them, especially when it seems to be a complex issue. in my last answer i asked my followers, is ‘fruit’ a word that makes you uncomfortable? because i genuinely wanted to know, and so far i’ve had 5 people say that it’s fine/it’s funny/it doesn’t bother them at all, and 3 people, not including you, say that it makes them uncomfortable either in general or in specific usage. 

so what that tells me is that this is a more complicated thing than i realized, which deserves to be talked about, because neither side is inherently right or wrong. i am definitely not here to tell anyone “stop being offended by a derogatory word, it’s not even that bad” but i’m also not going to tell anyone they’re wrong for not being offended or that they must censor themselves.

on the one hand, some people find being able to joke about things a really positive aspect of the queer community. laughing, even sometimes about something as dark as homophobia, relieves tension.

but on the other, there are certain behaviors that are getting out of control. @nilescranephd left a comment on my last reply, which reads, “it’s more that it is used constantly at the moment. it’s more that it is used towards misha and jensen the actors. it’s more that this is coming from a majority non gay male fandom perspective. i get it. i am trans. i make these jokes too. but i don’t make it the entire personality of my online content. i don’t say, for instance as i saw someone say yesterday, ‘i want to be homophobic to him so bad’ and for someone to reply ‘you really summed up perfectly how misha makes me feel’ on a video.” (and several other comments, which i think raise really good points.)

and that is extremely correct. that is really out of line, because sometimes good, positive jokes can go too far and become way too crass and derogatory. i don’t like that behavior at all and i would want that called out whenever i see it.

but, it is not possibly an overreaction to say that because joking CAN go too far, ALL joking is going too far? i’m legitimately not saying that to cover my own ass, because again, i’m not trying to be one of those “i have the right to say slurs” kind of people. ever since i saw people start using fruity i’ve been wondering where the lines on it are, if it’s something that i personally am been allowed to say or not. 

if you think i’m being an argumentative, pedantic asshole who just wants to say whatever i want to say, please understand that i’m autistic and this is just how my brain works. i need to figure out the ‘why’s of things to do them properly, and talking things out and examining from all sides helps me do that. i’m not just trying to defend myself, i am trying to understand this issue in its entirety so i can figure out my place in it and how i should react to it in the future.

what i’m getting so far is that some people think it’s bad and slightly more people think it’s totally fine, but there is a significant problem of people who think it’s fine going too far and crossing lines. 

to err on the safe side, i will refrain from saying it in the future, and i sincerely apologize to anyone who might have been made uncomfortable by me saying it once. but i feel conflicted on the concept of across-the-board refusing to reblog things with fruity in it, because it seems like something we haven’t quite figured out and should probably be judged on a case-by-case basis depending on the overall sense of the post.

i think this is a conversation that definitely needs to be had, and i’m not the one to lead it in any way, but i’ll keep a look out for what other people have to say.

[ashen-crest]

Hello, I want to say that I really love your WIPs, especially for all your incredible characters! I'm curious if you intentionally write any of them as being on the autistic spectrum (even if you can't name that in-world bc fantasy)? I've wondered for a while, but the detail about Ambrose complaining about the loud fluorescent lights in the modern AU about the scholarship specifically stuck out at me. If you don't want to answer that's ok too, thanks again for sharing your work with us!

hello!! thanks so much for the ask, I really appreciate it!

for that specific beat, I did think as I was writing it that it could come across that way. I was actually basing it off some objectively loud and obnoxious fluorescent lights in my actual college library. That said, I really don't wanna take that away from you if you're particularly vibing with it, you know?

[oh no here comes an Ambrose rant, apologies] Ambrose is an interesting one, because he is pretty withdrawn, isn't super great at social interaction, does totally hyperfixate on potion-making, but I based it more off his upbringing and his very flawed credo than autistic traits, if that makes sense?

He was more or less raised by his potions master, who was...not a very cuddly guy. Knowledgeable teacher, not a good father figure. Very much instilled in him a sense of self-sufficiency, self-isolation, don't owe people, don't bother people- and that's just the motto that Ambrose follows. He really doesn't know anything different, and doesn't think he wants anything different.

Over the course of the book, he doesn't lose his introversion, or his hyper-fixation, and he still struggles to vocalize his emotions and needs to others. BUT he starts to let people in, and starts to pay attention to others' needs, as well. And it's not just Eli I'm talking about. He starts actually stepping into the community of merchants on Rosemond Street- people who have watched him and taken care of him from afar, for years without him realizing it. And he learns that maybe leaning on others and being Perceived(TM) is okay.

I don't wanna be like "oh ambrose totally isn't autistic," because let's be real, I'm not even done writing this first draft yet, and I want to see where the character goes. But right now, I'm not coming at him through that specific lens, if that makes sense.

(also- elements of my anxiety and adhd just slip into my characters whether I realize it or not, so I bet there are a bunch more things that I'm adding in that I'm not even aware of! example- Emry Karic. so much about Emry Karic....so sorry, bud. so sorry.)

Anyway, this was way too long of a response. Thank you for being patient!!