#i'm off school this week but it's just flying by and i've barely got the time to recharge and idk when i'll actually get to any of this :

[chasing-chimeras]

.

[powderblueblood]

I know this has been done a million and one times, but Eddie just vibing at the gas station. Something inevitably goes wrong. Please and thanks dear Powder

jo my love i present to you 1k+ words of eddie munson's no good very bad wednesday night no warnings! just silly. and acab includes hopper

So it's eight thirty on a Wednesday night, the very armpit of the week, and Eddie's standing there under the glare of the gas station fluorescents. Right in the heart of the snack aisle.

"What's become apparent to me, Sam, is-is-is-is that it's fear. It's the iron claw of the bonds of being a scaredy-cat little bitch that has stunted me fundamentally."

Loaded. So stoned he's stalagmite.

"See, I'm a capable guy. Many capes have I, but it's like, I've finally mastered the fuck-you-chip-on-my-shoulder adolescent thing that I'm reluctant to let it go. I'm skirting around putting on my big boy pants. I'm failing my courses. I'm dumbing myself down to stick around high school, seemingly, on purpose. Because I'm afraid!"

Eddie's pouring his heart out to the narcoleptic octogenarian cashier, the guy that likely built this place out of shiplap and bullet casings way back when it was a horseshit stop for Buffalo Bill's Wild West Freak Show or whoever.

"And I know what you're thinking." Sam isn't thinking anything. Sam's sleeping with his eyes wide open. "Why not really, grr, take root with that family tree, huh? Drop out like my old man and my uncle did? Well, I'll tell ya--"

Eddie wonders, in the middle of his own sentence, what it'd be like to hitch his wagon to an operation like that and coast solely on being a moorless weirdo.

He's really stoned, okay?

"--high school is easy to fail in. Real life? Isn't."

And look, before you get all, he's got good reason. It's been a particular drag of a week, a real sandpaper to the balls kind of kick off. Corroded Coffin's Tuesday night engagement at the Hideout was a special kind of bust--not least of all because the slapdash stage finally gave way under all that threatening creaking, and almost took Jeff's neck with it.

The neck of his bass and his human body. Neither of which Jeff's ass is in any position to fix.

So Eddie's got a band that's bruised and barely in the pocket, and a mouth that won't stop running.

“WSQK 94.5, The Squawk!” Eddie echoes the radio, complete with eagle screech, as the opening chords of Renegade by Ted Nugent & the Amboy Dukes pick up. "Hawk-ening right back to a time when Ted Nugent hadn't yet sold all his actual guitaristry to that pissant Wango Tango-ing... You know what, man, this is it!"

His ringed hands come down on the counter all a-clatter, chip crumbs flying out the bag he hasn't quite paid for yet.

"Lock me in a room full of records under a radio tower and throw away the key, I mean, I would be good to fucking go. None of that shock-jock shit, either. I'd play nothing but real music. The Hawkins Midnight Rambler, huh?" But Sam isn't paying sufficient enough attention. "Think I got a face for radio, Sammy?" Because he's asleep.

It takes a couple of molasses-slow moments for Eddie to register this, he himself still working through his own big sluggishness. I mean, damn, even waving a hand in front of the old man's face is an effort.

He's out, though, like a light. Makes Eddie wonder how this place stays open, much less unrobbed.

Well. Careful what you wish for there, buddy.

His hand is slinking toward a Three Musketeers, ready to nab it from the shelf right under old Sam's nose and write him a little IOU for whenever he next has the cash, but Eddie senses a shuffling behind him.

"Put your fuckin' hands in the air!"

Oh? "Dude, what?"

There's this guy behind him, this guy whose corporeal form Eddie can't be a bajillion percent sure isn't, like, a vivid hallucination, with pantyhose tugged over his face. Poking a pistol around under the cover of his camo jacket. The whole bit.

"Put your hands in the air or I put a hole through ya, asshole! You too, old man!"

Eddie tuts, hands still very much hovering near that candy bar.

"What's the fucking hold up, you and your grandpa tryin' to get shot or somethin?!" this very serious masked assailant demands.

"He's asleep, guy," Eddie says. "He can't hear you."

"What?!" our villain splutters, "Well... wake the fuck up! I ain't got all day and I want what's in that reg--"

He goes to point his still-concealed fuckin' sharp shooter or whatever it is he has at Sam's face, and Eddie, with this strange surge of protectiveness and complete buffoonery, nudges his arm away.

"Don't! Number one, dude's a narcoleptic, you could give him a heart attack if you just woke him up like that--number two, I saw him pull a sawed off from under that counter one time and you're in way closer range so the hole he blows through you is gonna be, like, way bigger and... like, he'll kill you and shit. Be cool."

The would-be thief groans. Oh, god, Eddie just knows he thought this hit job would be way easier. In and out, quick and dirty, wham-bam-thank you Sam.

Eddie nearly laughs. He does laugh, actually, because he's still super-mega fucking high and can't exactly control the noises that come out of his mouth, so next thing the dude is rounding on him with the thing in his pocket. Eddie actually puts his hands up this time. Feels a cold shock go through him somewhere that he really hopes isn't piss.

You ever get that? Get so stoned you constantly think you're peeing yourself? Anyway.

"Get the fuck behind the counter! If the old man can't open the register for me, you're gonna do it!"

"But I don't know how." Liar. Lying ass. Eddie knows how to work a goddamn register. It's not like he's tucking that money from the Hideout straight into his garter belt. Though he could. Maybe he should. Maybe he should buy a garter b--

"I'm gonna tell you how, dickhead!"

"What's in it for me?"

"Is that a fucking joke, wise guy?"

Only kinda. Closed mouths never get fed. "Worth a shot."

But Eddie doesn't really love this dude's tone, so he obediently scoots behind the counter, and almost gets distracted by all the copies of Penthouse Sam is keeping back here. He knew the bastard was holding out on him.

"Um..." Eddie gingerly starts, hands just sort of floating in the direction of the register in a way he hopes to Christ won't disturb Sam and wake him into a world of cardiac calamity.

So the guy tells him what buttons to push, clearly a man of the trade, a fellow familiar with wiling countless hours away behind a counter, which makes Eddie be all, why don't you steal from your own job, you shyster and keeps hitting the wrong buttons on purpose.

But dear old Sammy must have this thing rigged to make Eddie look like an asshole, because out pops the fucking drawer anyhow!

This guy, the pantyhose head, the robber, lets out an honest-to-god yippee! as he reaches over to snatch that cash.

And Eddie, working solely on instinct at this point, narrows his lovely red-rimmed eyes and shoves the drawer right in on the unlucky fuck's fingers.

He screams. And Eddie screams. And something falls out of his pocket. And Eddie leans over the counter, expecting to see and hear the shiny clatter of a pistol hit the lino.

But there is no such hardware.

It was a banana in his pocket. He was not happy to see you.

"What the fuck, man!" they chorus in near unison. They could have been brothers in another life, says some disembodied voice in the back of Eddie's head.

But then, something yellow flies towards Eddie's face and the shock of it knocks him right back into the lotto tickets and cigarettes. Thunk! His head knocks far too hard against the fire extinguisher and now there's two unconscious guys behind the counter.

Now, I don't know if you've ever had a banana thrown in your face by a masked assailant before, but I would call that something of an overreaction.

Anyway, he wakes up to police sirens and that Callaghan dweeb hauling him up by the front of his Hellfire shirt.

"Sshsjesus, Officer Handsy, buy a guy dinner first," Eddie slurs, head pounding. Callaghan's dorky Buddy Holly glasses have an aura around them that he unconsciously tries to swat away.

"He's resisting arrest!" Callaghan yells.

"Keep it down, I have a headache!" Eddie blinks once, twice, twenty-million times and is still having a tough time taking stock of his surroundings. Cash drawer's open and empty, and Sam is nowhere to be seen. "Didja catch the guy or what? He had a banana gun. Threw it right at me."

"Pipe down. Edward Munson, you're under arrest for armed robbery--"

"--wait, hold on--"

"--endangering the elderly--"

"--hold the fuck on!"

"--and swearing at a police officer!" Callaghan clicks the cuffs on and Eddie's about to burst, he's so mad and his head is pounding with such a fury. Shuffling him out into the forecourt and into the squad car like some kind of penguin idiot!

"That last thing isn't even real!" he spits, "None of this is real--I was trying t--fuck, did you not hear me about the banana gun?!"

"Reminds me to drug test him when we get back to the station," Callaghan puffs as he slides into the passenger seat.

"No one's drug testing anybody," Chief Hopper grumbles from behind the wheel. "We don't even have those facilities. Plus, kid doesn't even have any of that stolen cash on him."

"Thank you!" Eddie barks from his seat in the back. He can't really seem to sit upright, and he doesn't know whether to contribute that to the lump that's risen on the back of his head or the drugs that are definitely still in his system.

"W--well, why are we arresting him, then?" Callaghan blubs. Which is actually a salient point.

The Chief shrugs. "I'unno. Wednesday night. Somethin' to do."

[dxmedstudent]

I haven't been on Tumblr in a while but wanted to check how you're doing! How is married life treating you and how is work- I remember last time you were applying for GP training! I'm just coming to the end of F1 :)

Me neither, Anon! Honestly? I have been meaning to come back to Tumblr a while ago, but life has been busy! I had tried to spend less time on socual media so i could focus on my membership exams, and that went too well.

Time flies, I can't believe it's been more than 10 years since I joined tumblr or graduated from med school.

I can't remember which updates I've already shared, so I'll make a list.

Married life is great - pretty similar to pre-married life. Because we started off in different cities due to my training and covid, it's honestly just a joy to live together and be able to hang out. I've been meaning to post a couple of anonymised wedding photos. It still feels amazing that we managed to get all the people we love together. We also managed to fly out to my birth country so that DxDude could meet my relatives...most of whom don't speak English. It was hilarious and lovely and he took being mobbed by an army of Eastern European Babushkas very well.

We adopted a cat! His owner died suddenly and my parents sort of got left with the cat. It was at a difficult time, as it was around the time my beloved cat passed away last year. I still miss her. But I couldn't let someone's baby, a lovely senior cat, live out his last days in a shelter. He's a little 14ish year old man called Sherlock. He loves being held and sitting on my shoulders and he drools when he gets excited. We've been trying to discourage his habit of nipping you when he wants something.

My houseplants and balcony plants may be slowly getting out of control, but I'm happy I have lots of them, and i would have more if we weren't running out of space. I'm currently waging a war against mealybugs. Send thoughts and prayers.

I did get into GP training! And it was local to where I wanted to be, which made it much easier to finally move in together. In fact, I JUST finished GP training a couple of weeks ago and am now living my GP dreams working in one of the practices that I trained in. It's very inner city London. Our patients have complex needs, and I'm honoured to ve in a team that have a lot of experience serving patients affected by substance abuse, homelessness and refugee populations and other complex issues.

We went on Honeymoon to Japan! It was amazing, and I'd still love to go again. I was bold enough to arrange my Honeymoon to be barely a month before a postgraduate exam, but I passed!

This past academic year has been filled with sitting exams and jumping through the hoops required for my eportfolio. On top of working full time as a GP. I didn't think I would do it all first time TBH, but my supervisor had more faith in me than I did. It's honestly been amazing to work for a few jobs in GP training where I felt seen and wanted and where my hard work was appreciated. I can't believe my supervisor offered me my current job, and wanted me to stay on, but they did!

I finished a diploma in sexual and reproductive health and trained in fitting contraceptive implants. I'd like to train up to fit IUDs also to try to improve local access to sexual health services.

I went on strike these past couple of years, when the junior doctors went on strike again. I'm still processing the pay offer and the new government. But I'm relieved we're no loner under the Tories.

We'd like to move house, but we've not gotten around to trying to do this seriously, because my life was already stressful enough. We do need more space, and I hope we'll find somewhere modestly nice that we can afford.

We're trying for kids, and it's sadly taking much longer than we hoped. Being a patient is...a slow and frustrating experience because it already feels like I've had to work harder than I should to advocate for appropriate care. I could say a LOT about the postcode lotteries that come with UK fertility care but I'll leave that for another post.

I've finally accepted that my hair is wavy, and I'm trying out different products to lean into the natural waves and bring them out without leaving it a frizzy Hermione-esque mess. It spent tge past years mostly in a plait or cadet bun, but I'm finally giving my hair a bit more freedom. I have NOT yet accepted that my hair is mostly white at this point. I alternate between wanting to go grey (because that would look cool) and wanting to stay brown because that's kind of how I've imagined myself for the past 35+ years.

I finally get to indulge in painting my nails. I've loved it since I was like 13 and seeing my nails sparkly and colorful brings out my inner 13 year old and she is thrilled. Every time I make my nails glow in the dark, I show them off to DxDude before bed.

My laptop died and then I inherited an old laptop from my parents which is also dying. Which is part of the reason I haven't created much art in recent years. I should probably just bite the bullet and buy a new one, but my exams and diplomas have been expensive so I've been putting it off. To be fair I also made the decision to use my limited free time to keep up with friends and family IRL and try not to feel bad about taking a break from creating. I felt like I was blaming myself for not managing to do everything I wanted to do. I've slowly accepted that none of us can do everything.

I think that's it for now. Looking forward to catching up with what medblr are up to 😃

[lacyjaybird]

@inukag-week day 3!

Theme: Bickering

"Can't Win For Losing"

“IF I GOTTA HEAR YOUR WHINING ONE MORE TIME I'M GONNA RIP MY EARS OFF AND THROW ‘EM AT YOU!” 

“WELL IF I HAVE TO WATCH YOU SCRATCH YOUR ASS BEFORE CLEANING THE NIGHTS DINNER I'LL JUST USE YOUR EARS TO THROW UP IN!” 

Sango and Miroku sat, side by side, their heads turning to each combatant as they screamed towards each other. 

“I've got one mon on Kagome throwing things first.” Sango whispered, bringing a bite of rice to her mouth as she leaned to the monk. 

“You're a cleaver one, slayer. But I'll bet one mon that our hot headed friend gets sat before anything starts to fly.” Miroku countered, pinching a bite of mackerel in his chopsticks and downing it. 

“Y’all are BOTH wrong” a third voice chirped, causing their eyes to drop from the raging duo before them to between them. 

“I bet all my trinkets that he's gonna say something stupid that makes her grab her stuff and high tail it for the well.” The redhead nodded, accepting a fish cake from Sango's outstretched hand. “Oh, thank you “

“You're in.” the schemers say, in unison. 

Turning back to the show, they tune back in right as Kagome starts pointing at Inuyasha with her hairbrush. 

“And ANOTHER THING. If I have to root around another oni brain for a jewel shard that IS CLEARLY VISIBLE, I'm gonna WIPE ALL IT'S BRAIN GUTS ON THAT RATS NEST YOU CALL HAIR!” Kagome hollered, waggling the potential projectile in her hand, accusatory in all manners possible. 

“Oh, well EXCUSE ME, Miss Prim and Perfect refuses to get her fuckin hands dirty like the rest of us! How are you gonna complain when you only have ONE JOB to do? The rest of us are doin ten times what your ass does!” 

Eyes dart back and forth, breath barely concealed behind chopstick covered lips. 

“Oh. So THAT'S how you feel! Sorry I wasn't born a priestess and made to swear my life away to service! MY BAD that I wasn't trained how to shoot DEMONS out of the sky by the time I was ten! I was in PRIMARY SCHOOL. Where I learned to READ.” The high schooler mocked, hands on her hips as she leaned forward. 

“Kikyo never complained this much over doin shit she was supposed to do..” 

“Oh, shit” the trio whispered as one. 

Waiting, Miroku was sure this was going to be an easy win, and began to hold out his hand for his winnings when Kagome surprised them all. 

Standing straight, she nodded her head. 

“You're right. She probably didn't. That's why you two are PERFECT for one another. Cause she's willing to take your bullshit and YOU'RE ONLY INTO SUBMISSIVE DEAD GIRLS.” 

Turning on her heel, Kagome snatches her yellow backpack off of the fallen log it was sitting on. Shoving things inside, she shoves an entire rice ball in her mouth before letting out a tight “HMMGPH!” and setting out towards East… and towards the Bone Eater's Well. 

Scrambling hanyou feet followed with a much less heated, “ Wait… Kagome…I didn't mean it like that!” as he dissapeared behind her into the woods. 

“Pay up, losers.” 

The remaining pair look down to see the little kitsune with nothing short of a shit-eating grin, both tiny palms out. 

Sighing, the humans deposit each a single metal disk into his hands. 

“Y'all grownups shouldn't gamble. It's bad for your wallets.” 

The boy chuckles, tucking back into his dinner as the slayer and monk mumble behind him, just two more sore losers in the game he knew as “love”

[darkhorse-javert]

Hazy Summer, Shadowed Days

@flashfictionfridayofficial- Canon complient musings from and about Andrew Foyle post war

Hastings June 1945

He slipped down the stairs in the bright summer moonlight, keeping his feet light. Shouldn't wake Dad, not his problem I'm awake at a god-forsaken hour of the night. He pulls his dressinggown closer around himself, skin cold with nightchill even in the warm air of the summer, pads across the hall and curls into the armchair by the unlit fire, seeking comfort in the familiarity of the moment. But the empty grate stared back at him, hollow, bare a shadow of it's normal self. Bit like me really. 26 years old, and what have I got from it? Five long years flying with the RAF, but my eyes are crocked, so that's out for a job, could never stand being a groundbased teacher even if they'd have me, Debden proved that.

Two-thirds of an Oxford degree in English, could finish that I suppose, I've got the papers, but I'm not the merry young lad who bounced into the Quads all those years ago, can't see myself going back there, with all those who are young enough, even if they had enough places.

Scraps and litter of poetry, all based around war-life and flying, but they wouldn't sell- we all want, need to move on from that, I don't want to be one of those Glory Days Warhorses that were a joke in stories. Who would buy them anyway? I'm sure there were better poets than my efforts who were already published

Might have to go in for an office job- as I said to Sam - but when I flinch at a phone, that's going to be a joke and a half for anyone I'm working with. And what skills have I got to offer them that another man hasn't.

Sam- the thought was a slap across the face, his glib words to her of weeks ago 'I'm going to work on you Sam', ah Hell, what have I got to offer her, such a smart, diligent girl as she is, she's found a job of sorts, as well as helping Dad. If I made a go of it, kept up the freindship and we got to something more I'd be sponging off her even as a friend. And if we got married, what a dream that was, would her empoyer even keep her on? Unlikely.

No, Sam was doing far better off on her own, not with me dragging her down like a stone, an old figure in a young skin, scraping around for what I can get, nothing to get it with. Can't even fish well.

"Andrew?"

He turns, Dad a soft dark figure in the doorway,

"Sorry, couldn't sleep."

"Mmm", Dad walks softly across, and perches on the end of the sofa nearest to Andrew.

"I wrote a poem, just before I came home," Andrew, looking back at the empty fireplace finds the words flying desperatly from his tongue 'talked about 'Summer Haze', and 'Uncertain Days' -sounds truely poetic doesn't it? But it's more like trying to walk on thick sand, everything slipping about under your feet, tumbling you down... What have I got Dad? Except wrecked eyes, and a degree I can't face finishing. And yet I'm not really really broken, thank God, and I'm grateful for that."

He hears his father swallow, then finds an arm slipping around his shoulders, tugging him insistantly close.

"Give yourself a chance, Andrew, ask around. Give yourself time."

But- but his mind says what if my time has gone, and I'm a lost fossil before I'm even thirty. And I don't want to have to go cap-in-hand to the RAF or SSAFA, leaning on others, Grammer School and Scholarship boy that I was. I should be able to do something.

[bowtiepastabitch]

.

I'm genuinely having such a moment. I saw one of those posts, really well meaning just a "I was backpacking in europe exploring all these cool cities for ten hours a day last year and now I'm disabled and can't get out of bed" and I'm just.... really sad. I never got to go backpacking in europe or explore cities and ruins on foot or anything I just skipped straight to disabled and can't get out of bed. I worked part time and then I worked full time and then I started uni and got disabled (but I'm still working because what other choice do I have). I've never left the north american continent, and the sicker I get the more expensive it gets to potentially do so because doing it cheap means doing it inaccessible. I got exhausted from walking around a grocery store today. Half my friends on instagram are in fucking Europe right now, spain or france or italy or whatever the fuck having a great time. One of the kids at the place where I teach is going on a two week london/paris vacation later this month and she's in fucking middle school. Meanwhile, I'm getting paid 8/hr to teach math and algebra and precal for parents who can afford to send their kid to a fancy tutoring center and even though I only work a couple hours a day I spend the rest of it resting and laying down and barely having the energy to scroll my tumblr dash most days. I'm so fucking tired. I pay money for doctors to tell me things I already know but if I don't then I can't prove I deserve my accommodations and even if I do I still feel like I'm fucking faking it to be lazy. I know the "1 in 3 adults in the united states has this that or the other" is supposed to make me feel less alone but instead it just makes me feel like I'm exaggerating and should be able to at least keep up with a good chunk of people my age but I just fucking can't. I can't do this. Maybe if I was fucking middle class and didn't have to work to live or if I was able bodied and could work a normal job, or if I had rich parents and could do the things I wanted without having to struggle for them things would be different but I have fought so. fucking. hard. for everything I have. I'm alive because of the work I put in to pull myself back from the edge over. and over. learning to keep myself alive until I could learn to want to be alive. working my fucking ass off to get into a good uni with a good scholarship far away from home so I could move out of my abusive household and get a good education. I've worked so fucking hard for every single thing in my life and now my body won't even cooperate and let me enjoy it and I'm so fucking exhausted. My memory's not working very well and my body gives up on moving from the couch half the time and I've got vague all over pain that never quite goes away and I can't sleep and I can't wake up and I can't talk to people without being awkward and weird and I can't save up my money and fly to europe. And because I made myself so sick in high school I've got a horrible nagging fear that it's somehow my fault in some way which is honestly maybe a worse explanation than "I'm being a whiny baby about things that a lot of people have dealt with better" and it fucking sucks. Plus I'm living with my parents for the summer because every single thing I applied to for the summer rejected me, so my mental health is wonky and I've got all kinds of little trauma things popping up from time to time but also they're getting better about some things sometimes so I feel immensely guilty to complain about them. And also they're helping pay my medical, even if it is coming out of the rent I paid to them during my medically necessitated gap year. So I again feel guilty bitching about them too much. And my car doesn't work anymore so I have to borrow or ask for a ride anytime I want to go somewhere and I don't have any close friends that live near me anymore anyway. And it doesn't matter because I'm fucking disabled and I can't do cool fun adventure shit and I can't find the energy for big creative projects and I can't fly to europe.

[loser-female]

Nothing, just every time I sit around to think about ADHD I inevitably see all the abuse I've been through in front of my eyes again.

Now I just want to go cry in a corner.

The truth is that... I don't have any superpowers. I'm a 2x dropout. I cannot remember years of my life and the memories i have are extremely fragmented and difficult to put together. If I didn't have ADHD I wouldn't have been abused causing trauma that will never go away. I barely graduated high school - it took me 7 years instead of 5, I was too depressed to get out of bed at a certain point -and for some reason I thought I could do physics. And I can understand very difficult concepts, they don't fly over my head. But my country universities are completely unstructured. I got told "do these things in a three months time", so I couldn't keep up (and I also had chronic pain). I just cannot. I need a degree to keep going with my career but at this point I 100% believe it's over my possibilities, so I don't think I will ever reach the role of a SOC manager or a CISO.

I struggle daily to daily because all my energy goes to my job and when I'm done I'm exhausted. I have to make my boyfriend that does a physical heavy job (he is a factory worker) do 70% of the stuff because I just cannot. I do want to, but everything goes out of the window because I spent my whole day trying to focus. And he needs to double check because I forget. I forget to do laundry, I forget to take out the laundry and it then smells bad and I need to rewash it, then I forget it again. I don't miss my cats stuff because they are annoying.

While I'm actively monitoring I sometimes forget what I'm doing. And with sometimes I mean twice a day. Then I remembered and I have 10 alerts to analyse and then I get distracted again. It doesn't compromise the quality of my analysis for a miracle. Because I triple check everything, but I'm slower than my coworkers.

I called a customer yesterday because I contained his asset from the network (which is a very invasive operation) and I couldn't remember for the sake of my life if he disabled the email only or the whole o365 account. I still don't know. And it's a problem because I need to report to my coworkers and I will definitely look like an idiot if I gave them the wrong information. (They know about my ADHD and are very understanding)

I say"I need to reply to that email" and it's four months and now it's unacceptable to do this.

I recently failed a job interview because I forgot crucial information at the wrong time. I rely a lot on my notes and mindmaps which are great if you do intelligence analysis, but not that great when people expect you to remember everything.

I forgot to pay my water bill for 6 months because it got lost. I misplaced it, everyone thought it was being paid and it wasn't. (Idk how I didn't get my water shut off. Learned my lesson and now it get out directly from my bank account).

I forget to call my family for weeks because to me time makes no sense. Which is the reason why I struggle so much with my very necessary self study things. I need to get them done. I don't have the brain parts required to do that.

It's so awful, I get help but it cannot change the biology of my brain. I hope I will get some sort of "cure", although I rationally know it's impossible.

I'm scared to have kids because no way I'm condemning someone else to the amount of daily struggle I have. Especially my own child!

This is what living with ADHD actually looks like. Failing over and over again, and if you have good people around they will not mind that much, but I admit I wouldn't give me half of the slack my loved ones do to me. It's not the secret of any success, it doesn't make me "creative" or anything. In fact, I would have written how much stuff if I could finish what I start! How many things could I have done! I'd be a physics professor now. I'd have a PhD or something. I wouldn't have lost a decade of my life (1/3 of my life) to depression and anxiety.

Not that I have a bad job, I love my job, I earn more than I would have if I actually stayed in physics. even if things turned good for me that doesn't mean I don't miss what I could have been.

[biographydivider]

Based on a dream I had a few days ago; may I present my first attempt at writing the MM!boys. Donnie is in a bad mood mostly because I'm super duper tired and overwhelmed, but I've tried to keep him in character nonetheless.

Donnie had no idea how he'd been roped into this.

Well, no. He did. The kids wanted to go the the movies, and no-one else was around to take them. And dear Raphala had fallen in love with the tiny, hyperactive versions of themselves when they fell through a crack in the air last week - a side effect of a Mikey-and-Leo based portalling exercise gone wrong, thank you very much bretheren - and found himself literally incapable of saying no to them.

'They're just kids, Donnie. Be nice, Donnie. You might like being the eldest for a change.' Bah, is what he said to that. Bah! These were not his brothers. They were funhouse mirrors. The sooner Mikey could work out how to boot them back to their own dimension, the better.

Still. It was interesting to see the differences between the eight of them. Donnie leaned against a poster for the latest blockbuster dreck, tub of vanilla ice cream in hand as he watched the little Leo stammer his way through getting some popcorn for his brothers; blushing furiously as the lady behing the counter told him to enjoy the movie. His Leo would have turned on the charm in an attempt to get a free drink.

Now the smaller Raph? He was a ball of barely contained energy; spoiling for a fight, spatting with his Leo about who paid for what. No big bro vibes, which was intriguing. Donnie wondered if his own Raph would be this tightly wound if he hadn't had to force himself to have a gentler hand.

"Guys! Stop fighting! Look look look; they're making a new Gatoraptor movie! The poster looks sick!"

"Mikey, we don't even have Gatoraptor movies where we come from."

"So I gotta catch up before I go home!"

Apparently, a Mikey was a Mikey, no matter what universe you take him from. Optimistic, sunny and constantly bopping from place to place. Cute. The kids were apparently teenagers, but they reminded Donnie of when he and his brothers were about…

Something tugged on his belt.

"What about a scooter?" whispered a squeaky voice at Donnie's hip. "Does your bō turn into a scooter? Maybe with, I dunno, jet propulsion?"

Donnie looked down into the face of his own tiny counterpart; blinking up at him through glass-bottle lenses, gripping his staff in both hands against his chest.

Hm.

"No," Donnie said crisply.

"Oh," Tiny Donnie's sparkled like Donnie had gifted him a friendship bracelet, not given him the brush-off. "You GOTTA get a scooter attachment. Like, your bō could be the, the-the handles, and --"

"I can fly," Donnie deadpanned. "You can make your own bō into a scooter."

"Okay!" And off he scarpered, beaming and shaking his Raph's shoulders, talking about how 'Donatello totally just invited me to hang out and work on my bō!'

"Donnie, stop being such a pick-me."

"I'm not a pick-me. You're the pick-me, Leo!"

"Why me?! I wasn't even talking to you!!"

The Tiny Donnie was…chafing. There were ghosts of hints of whispers that they were the same person; their inherent sassiness, their mutual razzing of their respective Leos…Donnie had to admit, his young counterpart was ruthless in that regard.

But Tiny Donnie was overly eager and inexperienced; interested in tech but no more proficient (yet) than anyone in April's Computer Science class at school. They shared a love of media, especially anime and niche movies, but none of their favourites were known to the other. It left their relationship at one-sided, 'you-got-games-on-your-phone' hero worship and a begrudging, eye-rolling tolerance.

"Children," he called, quirking an eyebrow in their direction. "Let's go. In the words of my twin, let us vamanos."

"Oh, Big Leo?" beamed Tiny Raph. "That guy's the GOAT of all time!"

"You see him do that swisha-swisha stuff?" chimed in the small Leo. "He's amazing!"

Ah. They were Nardo stans. Nardo stans who couldn't use acronyms properly. Joyous. Donnie chomped on his ice cream spoon so hard he shattered the plastic between his teeth.

The movie he'd chosen was some superhero thing; all poorly rendered green screen and bad acting. Where was the pathos, the dramatic speeches, the practical effects?! Despairing sigh. Anyway. Donnie had done a little Von Ryan Engineering to make sure the entire theatre looked booked out on the box office systems so they had the whole place to themselves; mostly so he could settle himself into a chair about three rows back from the kids. They were already giggling and shoving each other and bulldozing their way through their snack quota.

"A real movie theater, guys! Inside!"

"M&Ms taste waaaay better fresh from the bag!"

"Hey, remember that time we snuck into the projection booth?"

"And Leo turned the security camera on?!" Tiny Donnie laughed so hard he inhaled a popcorn kernel and began to choke. "So - ack! - s-so cringe."

"That was one time!"

"This is way better, though. We get to sit in seats, this time! Oh my god; they move!"

"Ooooooooh…"

A chorus of squeaking chairs. Donnie closed his eyes and attempted to find that Hamato soticism that was meant to be inside him somewhere; or even just some standard Michelangelo goodwill and understanding.

That ambition wasn't to last.

That whole 'a real movie theater' conversation should have clued him in, tbh. The kids had clearly never been to see a movie before, and were grating on Donnie's last nerve before the trailers were over.

"Hey, I know that guy!"

"Mikey, pass my drink."

"Oh my god he kicked that guy's entire face off! Awesome."

"We could totally learn to do that, you know."

"Hoo! Haah! Hyah!"

Donnie could feel the blood boiling under his skin. He could actually feel little bubbles of rage and oxygen move along his arteries.

"Guys, shut up, I wanna watch," hissed the small Leo.

"'Guuuuuys, shut uuup…'"

"'I'm Leeeo, I'm the Movie Police…'"

"H-hey! Not cool!"

"Oh, have a nacho and calm down, Officer."

Now, Hamato Donatello was not opposed to a bit of call and response in his movies. You couldn't hear a scrap of Jupiter Jim dialogue for him and his siblings yelling over it on Movie Night. But that was in the confines of their own home! In private, among kindred spirits! Plus, you know. His family weren't annoying little doppelgangers from another world, wearing approximations of their faces and almost talking in their voices. How did Raph do it? Donnie would crack this; he'd find a way to channel that kind, nurturing, eldest brother vibe…

"Oooh, now they're kissing. Everyone shut up so Leo can watch the kiiissiiiiiing…"

"What?! I don't want to watch the kissing!"

"But you said you wanted to watch!"

"Ohhh, kiiiiisssssing…do you wish that was you and April, Leo?"

"What?! No!"

"Oh mwah mwah mwah, oh April I love you sooo muuuch, let me kiss your weird soft lips and smell your haaair…"

Oh. Okay. Now it was annoying and disgusting. And sometimes, a turtle needed to take action. Donnie pushed his goggles over his eyes and slammed his tech bo into the ground, setting off a flashbang prototype he'd been working on. For a second, everything went white; the theatre filled with blinding light, the echoes of the sonic boom reverberating off the walls.

Donnie flipped his goggles up from his eyes and stalked down the theatre aisle towards the four terrified little faces, their necks craned and eyes round from sugar highs, light exposure and terror looking back up at him.

"If you uncanny valley hatchlings don't shut the fuck up," Donnie hissed, leaning down and relishing the feeling of the unfamilliar swear word through his gritted teeth - Raph would have an aneurysm - "your world will be known as the home of the Middle-Aged Mutant SONLESS Splinter."

To his immense satisfaction, all four kids snapped back to face the screen, shuffling down in their seats.

"Yep. Yep. Shutting up."

"Yes, sir, absolutely."

"Never spoken before in my life, not gonna start."

As Donnie turned to walk back to his seat, he swore he heard a squeaky voice whisper;

"I told you he was a psycho. I'm gonna be so awesome in the future!!"

The future? They thought Donnie and his brothers were...

Oh. Oh, this could be fun.

A smile curved across Donnie's lips. You know what? Raph was right. Donnie could get used to this Being The Eldest business.

[2darklymelanatedstories]

Dragonball High (ft Goku)

It's the first day at a new high school. I wasn't really nervous, I loved meeting new people plus my friends Bulma and Krillin were there. We've been friends my whole life. I put on my uniform, the classic white shirt, black pants and red tie. I gotta say I don't like formal wear so I put my jacket over it since I didn't have a blazer.

"Goku, hurry up its time to go!"

Master Roshi is calling. I better hurry, can't wait to see the strongest kids there and take them on.

I grabbed my stuff and ran out my room. I grabbed my giant lunch from the kitchen before saying bye to Roshi and flying off Capsule High. The first high school that let aliens and anyone else that wasn't human learn on Earth.

I landed outside the school gate. Half monsters, animal people, aliens and humans all together. It was a beautiful site. If only the rest of world was this accepting.

Next to me pulled up a nice, blue Capsule Corp brand car. Immediately I knew. She stepped out of the car dressed in her white shirt, blue skirt, wearing a signature brown glove, red Capsule Corp jersey and pink sneakers.

Looks like i wasn't the only one changing up the uniform.

"Hey Goku."she said. "Its been so long. How you been?"

"I'm good Bulma. So you finally got that drivers licence huh?"I asked, practically stating the obvious.

"Yep and my dad and I made this beauty. Now its perfect by my standards and full of surprises."she said confidently. "So you ready for your first day?"

"Yeah and I can't wait to join the martial arts team I've been hearing about and fight the strongest fighters here."I said, hitting my fist in my palm in excitement.

"Typical Goku."she sighed. Though Bulma does know how I get. "Though there is this guy who just transferred here a few weeks ago and he's a Saiyan too."

"Really? Another Saiyan!?"I exclaimed. Great. He must be strong.

"Yeah but he's a real meanie though."she sighed. "Anyway let me show you around." She led me inside and showed me around the school. Man was it huge. But anything sponsored by Capsule Corp should be.

The tour ended at my locker which was across from hers. She said I'd probably lose the key or forget the combination so she made me a fingerprint scanner on my locker. She knew me so well.

"Hey Goku!!"I turned away from Bulma to see my old buddy, Krillin, running towards us. He hasn't changed at all besides the fact that he grew hair.

"Yo, Krillin."I said waving to my shorter friend. "So whats new? Are you in the Super MMA team I've heard so much about?"

He expression changed after I said that, like he was angry and disappointed. He looked down in disappointment, his fists clenched.

"What happened buddy?"I asked.

"Well...its just..."

"He didn't make it."Bulma said, cutting him off.

"It wasn't my fault!"he exclaimed. "If it wasn't for Vegeta..." He was so mad, I've never seen Krillin this way. What did this guy do?

"Woah wait, who's this Vegeta?"I asked. They both just stood there in silence for a moment.

"Vegeta is the other Saiyan I was telling you about."Bulma said. "And he's not exactly Mr. Popular more like Mr Thinks-he's-high-and-mighty."she said sarcastically. "He's tormented a lot of people since he got here."

"That bad huh?"

"Yep and he's one of the strongest on the team, he's beaten everyone."she stated.

"Well in that case, how bout I teach him a lesson for bullying?"I asked. "Just lead me to him Bulma."

"Hold up. I can't, Goku, class is about to start and you can't just punch a guy you barely know in the face."Bulma said stopping me in my tracks.

"Wait, are you defending him Bulma?",Krillin asked accusingly. He folded his arms and glared at her. She immediately just laughed it off as a bead of sweat trickled down her forehead. "What....no, how could you even think that. Hehehe."

As if on cue, the bell rang. Karma taking Bulma's side once again. "Oh look the bell, lets head to homeroom Goku.",Bulma said, she grabbed my wrist and practically pulled me to class. I was actually unable to keep up and almost stumbled twice. Boy, was she in a hurry.

We entered our homeroom and immediately people started acting buddy-buddy with Bulma. She's probably the most popular in this school.

The teacher introduced me to the class before I went to sit by Bulma, Krillin and their friends.

I sat on an empty seat next to Krillin by the window. Bulma introduced me to their friends.

Tien, a triclops, I had to try so hard to stop myself from touching his 3rd eye.

Yamcha, Bulma's ex boyfriend, I'm pretty sure she's the one that gave him those scars as a warning to other guys below her standards.

18, she's apperently an android. And I caught Krillin looking at her funny. Whats all that about?

Apparently they're all part of Super MMA team too. But not Krillin, what the heck? He totally deserves to be on the team.

We were all talking for a while till the teacher started calling names. I was too distracted, thinking about the Super MMA team to notice the teacher calling my name three times.

"Goku!"everyone shouted causing me to fall off my chair in surprise.

"Ow.",I whispered. "Oh sorry Mrs...uh whatever your name is. Here." I nervously said.

"Goku, her name is literally engraved on the front of her desk.",Bulma stated. I scratched the back of my head and chuckled. "Sorry I cannot English today."

"Boy you're hopeless."

I sat back down as the teacher called Vegeta's name. I searched the room for him but he wasn't there.

"Vegeta?",the teacher called again.

"Calm down I'm here.",a voice said. I glanced at the door to see a spiky haired dude leaning against it. He was wearing a grey denim jacket over his shirt, no tie and black fingerless gloves. So that's Vegeta.

Everyone just stared in silence, some kid even stopped breathing once he saw Vegeta. Even the teacher looked nervous.

He walked past us and gave Krillin a glare. Poor guy almost fell off his seat. I'm pretty sure that amused Vegeta because he just chuckled then glanced at Bulma. A grin appeared on his face to which Bulma responded with sticking out her tongue. After seeing this he slowly licked his lips, which made Bulma blush and look away. He saw me staring at him and gave me a dirty look then sat in his seat at the back. This guy practically took the whole back row.

I was about to get up and talk to Vegeta when a black haired girl stumbled in. She was wearing the same uniform except with red fingerless fighting gloves and red sneakers.

"Chi Chi you're-"

"Yeah sorry I'm late Mrs...uhm...ms...sorry ma'am.",she stammered. Looks like I'm not the only one who forgot the teachers name. She looked familiar and I feel like I've heard that name before.

She glanced at me. I immediately sat back down, feeling a little weird. She came up to us.

"Hey guys.",she greeted.

"Hey Chi Chi."

She looked back at me. Her eyes hungrily stared at me like I was a piece of steak.

"Hello Goku.",she said softly. "Never thought I'd see you again."

What? How'd she know who I was and where have we met before? Well she looks like a fighter, maybe we met at a tournament. But I just stared in confusion.

"Uh. Do I know you?",I asked nervously. Everyone just fell to the ground. Chi Chi's eyes which were filled with what seemed like adoration changed to pure rage. I could literally see flames.

"Why you!",she started. "Bastard!" Woah, language.

"I can't believe you don't remember me!"she said as she punched me in the chest. It really hurt, I couldn't help but smile. Boy, she was strong, beautiful and fiesty. I just wish I could remember where we met.

"Hey sorry, its not my fault.",I said defensively.

"Yeah Goku fell on the head as a child and ever since then he'd sometimes have the memory of a goldfish.",Krillin said, stepping in between us.

She just huffed and sat on the chair next to Bulma, her arms folded.

The bell rang and we proceeded to head to our classes. Krillin and I had most of the same classes. Though I did see Vegeta a lot but he kept to himself unless he was terrorizing students.

It was lunch time and me and the gang headed to the cafeteria where I met some of their other friends. Puar, Oolong, Chiaotzu.

I left my table to get my food, the cafeteria food smelled delicious. Another perk of having rich people sponsor the school. I filled my plate but the lunch lady stopped me before i could finish everything. She even took five burgers off my tray. Aw man, now I was left with four burgers, two small bowls of noodles, 3 cupcakes, 7 apples and 1 pudding cup. I'm not gonna survive on this.

I sat back down in disappointment and everyone was staring at me.

"I forgot that Goku loved to eat." Krillin laughed. "Well I didn't, thats why I sent Roshi those lunch boxes as a welcoming gift for Goku.",Bulma said.

I immediately remembered the lunch boxes Roshi gave me today.

"Oh my lunch boxes. Almost forgot."I cheerfully said. Now I can snack after MMA tryouts. "Thanks Bulma!"

Suddenly I saw a hand snatch three of my burgers as fast as lightning.

"Thanks for the lunch, you fool."

I looked up to see Vegeta staring at me for a moment. Like he was observing me. Like he knew something about me that I didn't.

"Hey you!",Bulma shouted. "If it won't trouble your inconsiderate, annoying, high-and-mighty ass, we'd like to get back to our lunch."

He glared at her, he was really pissed, guess he wasn't use to someone speaking to him like that. Everyone in the cafeteria was soon staring at our table. Vegeta turned around, his eyes travelled around the room. The whole cafeteria bowed down to avoid his glare.

"Oh and keep the lunch. I know you don't get fed decent food and you're probably tired of eating out of the dumpster you call a home." Oh snap! Everyone lost it. The rich, preppy prodigy dissed the Great Vegeta.

"Why you little-",he started. I stood up in front of him so he wouldn't get any closer to Bulma. I knew she could handle herself but I really just wanted to see this guy fight.

"So I hear you're the king bee of this school, huh?"

"You could say that."

"Well I got a question for ya'.",I said. He grunted in response. "How 'bout we take this outside."

He smiled and followed me outside. Soon half the school was surrounding us.

I got in my fighting stance. "So Bulma tells me you're a Saiyan and that you're really strong.",I said.

"Oh she did, did she?" He glanced over at Bulma for a moment.

"Hey don't get any ideas!!"she shouted at Vegeta. He frowned and turned back to me.

"Lets see what you've got.",he said, getting into position. We both just stood their for a moment till Vegeta came at me with a punch. I blocked it then hit him in the jaw, sending him back.

"Not bad, for a peasant."he said. Wow he really does think he's high and mighty.

We went at each other with everything, well I was. I don't know if he was doing the same.

"Get him Goku!",Yamcha shouted.

"Yeah, punch that smirk off his face!",Bulma added.

Vegeta's foot aimed at my ribs but he got distracted by Bulma's words. That was my chance. I grabbed his leg and swung him around a few times before releasing him into a wall.

"Grrr...Kakarot.",he mumbled.

I looked at him confused. "What about a carrot?"

With no response he tackled me to the ground and punched me repeatedly, barely giving me a chance to block.

"Goku!" That voice. Chi Chi?

"Goku get up and crush this dweeb. Make him suffer!" Why do I feel like I've heard all that before?

"You dweeb, I'm gonna crush you."she said after trying to kick me in the face. I dodged it and tackled her.

"Do you give?",I asked, satisfied with her defeat. I held her arm tight and gropped her waist with her other arm in mine. Preventing any escape.

"Never!",she said. She stomped on my foot, making me release her arm as I winced in pain. "I'm going to make you suffer." She jabbed her elbow in my stomach. I coughed, clutching my stomach and chuckled.

"My you're strong. I've never met someone like you before."I, stated, still in a little pain. She positioned herself in her stance and smiled.

"Thats because there's only one of me."

Chi Chi, I remember now. I snapped out of it after hearing Tien.

"Shouldn't we help him?"

"Yeah, I say lets do it."Yamcha agreed.

"Guys wait Goku will be-"Bulma said. "Yeah, we should help him, Goku's my friend."Krillin said cutting her off.

Vegeta sent a ball of energy towards them before they could reach me. Guess, he didn't want any interruptions. I could hear their screams but knew they'd be fine.

Now's my chance. I punched him in the face and kicked him off me. I started forming my Kamehameha in the palms of my hand. Vegeta immediately followed with his own. We just stood there, balls of energy growing in our hands.

"KAAAAMEEEEEHHHHAAAAAMEEEHHH-"

"Stop!",a stern female voice made everyone freeze on the spot. Even Vegeta.

"Oh shxt its the Principal.",said someone in the crowd. I glanced over to the light purple woman, she had pointy ears and small white horns on her head, she wore a white suit, white heel boots and her light lavender hair was tied into a cute messy top bun.

She actually didn't look bad. Looked like she trains...wait the principal is an alien too!?

There were a bunch of guys in black suits behind her. Some alien, some human. Next to one of the guards stood a green dude in our uniform but with his sleeves torn, showing of his ripped muscles. He had pointy ears too and antennas on his forehead. He didn't look quite happy to be here.

The Principal glanced over at Vegeta. He tried to look tough but I could sense he was getting nervous.

"Vegeta.",she said.

"Yes I know ma'am, wont happen again."he said, his voice lowered a bit out of embarrassment.

"Hmp." She turned to me. "I assume you're the new student, Goku." It wasn't a question. She already knew.

"Uhm, yes and you're the principal right?"I asked. I lent out my hand hoping for a handshake but as soon as I did everyone gasped. She glanced at my hand and back at me.

"I'm Principal Toriyama. Goku, Bulma says you're close friends and she's convinced me to enroll you in our school.",she said leaving me hanging. "I hope I didn't make a mistake."

I frantically waved my hands in the air. "Uh no, no, ma'am, I promise it won't ha-happen again."I said.

"Good because I've requested Sensei to add you to the Super MMA team."

"What!!",Vegeta and I screeched in unison. But for completely different reasons.

"Yes, we'll be battling students from across the galaxy and we could use someone like you.",she said. "So, I assume thats a yes." I glanced over at my best friend for a minute.

"Only if my friend Krillin can join too."

"Really Goku!?",Krillin asked with hope I'm his eyes.

"Yeah you're my best friend, I'd be crazy to leave you behind."

"Well I was planning on filling that spot with Piccolo over here.",she said pointing at the green dude, who's arms were folded, still didn't look happy to be here. "But I suppose we have room for one more."

"Yes!",I shouted.

"No!",Vegeta retaliated.

"What was that Vegeta?"the principal asked. "I could easily give away your spot."

"Uh...nothing."

"Then its settled. Now-",she said. She snapped her fingers and a bunch of guys in suits came with a toolbox, a bunch of flowers, paint supplies, shovels, bricks and cement, a wheelbarrow. "-you three are going to clean up this mess and fix what you broke."

"Three?",I asked.

"Yes, you, Vegeta and Piccolo. Piccolo destroyed a few things too, earlier today."she clarified. After all this, her expression never changed. It was still cold and emotionless.

The bell rang and the principal cleared her throat. "Get to work you three. As for everyone else, head to class. Now."she ordered. "Oh, and stop calling me ma'am, makes me feel old."

"Umm, Principal Toriyama.",I heard Krillin say. "Can I help them?"

"Me too."Bulma raised her hand. "And us." The whole gang offered to help. Good 'cause I dont think it'd be a good idea to leave me alone with Vegeta and some grumpy looking green guy I've never met before.

"Sure, I don't care as long as everything is clean."she said blandly. She then left us there, with the men in suits following her.

"Aw, thanks guys."I said. Vegeta just scoffed, grabbed a shovel and began filling the crater we made, alone. I grabbed one too and went over to help him.

"I don't need you're help."he growled.

"Would you just get off your high horse and let us help."Bulma said. Vegeta just grunted and continued.

Boy does she have a way with him. If I said that I'd probably get punched in the face.

Everyone started working. Vegeta and I were filling the crater. Tien and Yamcha were fixing the wall. Krillin was fixing and repainting some benches and poles we broke. Chi Chi, Puar and Oolong tended to the flowers and plants. 18 was helping Bulma fix the wires Vegeta blasted when he tried to hit Krillin, Yamcha, 18 and Tien. Piccolo was fixing the fountain by himself, he enjoys his own company.

"Hey Piccolo."I called out.

"What?" He sounded almost annoyed.

"I'm excited to have you on our team. You must be really strong if they added you.",I said cheerfully.

He smirked and went back to working on the fountain. New school, new friends, new partners and a chance to fight the best fighters across the universe.

Yep, I'm gonna love it here at Capsule High.

[sapphic-space-syren]

okay below the cut is a summary of sorts of the ridiculous quasi-relationship I've been in since the end of last year because I need to put this somewhere (links are to my own Tumblr posts, no nsfw images)

no trigger warnings (except maybe infidelity? not sure on that one) but this is a story about sex

at the end of 2022, I moved back with my parents and got a barista job while I waited to see if I'd got into grad school. at said job, there was another barista who was friendly and always told me I was doing a good job (lonely, insecure me appreciated this very much). nice.

after a few weeks, we exchanged numbers and he started sending me... poetry. which became kinda kinky poetry. which became sexting.

which became 'do you wanna get a room'

which became meeting up to spend a night at a hotel on the edge of town. and then when the deed was done and we were waiting for food delivery, he decided to tell me that he's actually a felon who did jail time for [redacted].

might have appreciated knowing that before I drove to the middle of nowhere to fuck you in secret, but alright.

anyway I found out the next day that I was accepted into grad school and would be moving across the ocean within weeks. before I left, he snuck me into his parents' house in the middle of the night for one more ~night of passion~ (this is insane I genuinely can't believe I went along with this) and met me at a tea shop to give me an admittedly lovely set of farewell gifts.

and he told me he loved me. (we're in February now, 2 months after the texting began)

so then I fly away forever and I think good, we'll gradually drift apart and I won't have to deal with the drama of long distance or being with someone who can't even legally travel to my home country because of a criminal record. also he smokes. in general there are a lot of red flags and this is easiest way for it to just... fall apart on its own.

except it doesn't.

the thing is, I've got used to texting him every day and I'm not very good at making new friends within my grad school cohort. I'm still struggling with bipolar symptoms I can't really talk about with anyone but him because there's no-one else in my life who gets it. (he's bipolar too) The fact is everything kinda sucks, school and moving aren't what I thought they would be, and talking to him is the best part of my day. and he calls himself my boyfriend. fuck.

around May-ish, he asks if I'm still planning on visiting my parents soon because he has.... a friend...... a woman.... who he's mentioned in passing but I've certainly never met or spoken to..... but she's seen photos of me and thinks I'm cute.... and she wants to have a threesome.

well, alright then. I'm like... tentatively into it.

except my symptoms are getting worse, a family member died, I'm not handling school very well, so my visit to my parents is postponed a few months. until it's august and I come in bottom of the class, I can barely function, and we decide it's for the best if I take a medical leave of absence.

and fly back to my parents.

so, I'm back! he's so excited! except it takes 3 fucking weeks for him to see me because he keeps ghosting me. or cancelling. or standing me up. so that feels great. and when we do finally meet up he has to go shopping for shampoo for this woman he mentioned earlier. so that's a bit weird.

we spent another night together (his parents were out of town this time, but I still had to dodge their security cameras) and then I don't see him for another month because he keeps. standing. me. up. every other day I drive somewhere only for him to call and cancel while I'm still in the car, or just not appear at all. no explanation.

he does tell me he takes time off work for a hotel night with our alleged threesome partner, though, because (wait for it) she's his GIRLFRIEND and it's their 3 YEAR ANNIVERSARY.

which he NEVER told me. not when he was flirting with me. not when he was sexting me. not when he was fucking me and not when he told me he was in love with me and wanted to be with me.

now I'm not opposed to polyamory, but it would be nice to be aware I'm practicing it.

anyway.

I've seen him... once in the last month. He gave me jewellery and kissed me and promised he would see me soon and apologised because he had to leave early because his (other?) girlfriend (who I still have not met) needed him.

I have not seen him since. He never calls when he promises, sometimes barely texts, and it drove me absolutely nuts for a bit but I've been trying to just... disengage. I've stopped asking when I can see him, stopped texting first. I'm alone in this town with no friends or social support but I'm starting to think his company is just not worth it.

He promised weeks ago that he would see me this weekend. I haven't asked if he remembers. Stay tuned. 🤷🏻‍♀️

[boldlyvoid]

Paging Dr. Reid

18+

Summary: After being shot once again, Spencer invites the doctor who patched him up over for drinks... she ends up inside him all over again.

warnings: gun violence switch reader and spencer, age difference (9 years), pegging, rimming, oral (female receiving) strap-ons, sex toys, multiple orgasms, penetrative sex (both of them get fucked in this btw)

Word Count: 4.1K

a/n: i've been working on this for Months™ i'm so glad it's finally finished!

Y/N was the best trauma surgeon in all of Bethesda General Hospital. Having blown through medical school by the time she was 18, spending the last 10 years mastering her craft.

“Derek just called me, his buddy from the FBI’s been shot and we need the best hands on deck,” Savannah rushed through the sentence as she ran up to Y/N.

“Tell me what OR and I’m there,” she said, getting cut off by the sound of EMTs rushing him in.

“38-year-old GSW to the lower abdomen, massive blood loss but we’ve managed to slow the bleeding.”

“Follow me,” Y/N instructed, taking hold of the gurney and rushing him to OR 4. Her lucky OR.

The surgery was rough. A bullet had struck him in the side, avoiding his kidneys, pancreas and barely fucking up his intestines— but still entering and exiting his body in one clean motion. She took her time, making sure to patch him up to the best of her ability to leave minimal scarring on his tummy one day.

She didn’t know anything more about him till he woke up the next day and asked to meet ‘the doctor who saved his life,’ just a tad overdramatic but she thought it was cute. So she made her way to the agent’s recovery room.

She knocked on the door lightly, a pretty blond woman was sitting with him when she arrived. “Hi, agent Reid? I heard you were asking for me?”

“I’ll see you later Spence,” the woman smiled at him softly before squeezing past Y/N in the doorway.

“Doctor, but you can just call me Spencer,” he welcomed her into the room. “I wanted to thank you.”

“The pleasure is all mine,” she assured him. “It’s not every day I get to add ‘saved a fellow genius,’ to my resume.”

“Fellow?” she was met with an inquisitive stare.

She sighed lightly, giving herself away when she was trying to be modest about it at work. “You know who Doogie Howser is right?”

“The doctor from the television show who graduated medical school at 15?”

“That’s the one,” she laughed. “I finished high school at 13 and medical school at 20.”

“You got a medical degree in that time I managed to get 3 PhDs,” he politely bragged.

She smiled, feeling like she might have found someone on her level for the first time in years. It was just the large age gap that made it feel wrong, not even the fact that she was the one inside his body a few hours ago, sewing him back together.

“This might be inappropriate, but would you like to get a drink when you’re all healed up?” She took her shot.

His face lit up, he tried to sit up a little bit more before wincing a little. Sending Y/N hands flying to his side as she pressed on his bandages lightly. Shushing him as he winced.

“Yes please,” he said. Their faces were so close together as she held him in her reflexes.

She was lost in his eyes, his hand over hers on the side of his chest while they looked at each other. He looked like she took his breath away, but she knew it was all from the pain in his side and the fact he declined pain medication.

She backed up slowly, blushing slightly as his hand lingered on hers. “Try not to move so suddenly for the first few days.”

“Makes sense,” he smiled at her. “Can I have your number so we can get that drink you mentioned?”

“Of course,” she nodded feverishly. She took her pen and a business card out of her doctor’s coat, writing down the 10 digit number and placing it back in his hand.

“I’ll leave you to your recovery, doctor Reid,” she made sure to correct herself.

“Thank you again, doctor Y/L/N,” he waved.

—

12 weeks went by and she heard nothing from Spencer. She knew her exact words were ‘when you’re all healed up,’ she just didn’t expect him to take it so literally. He was either waiting till he was fully healthy, or he just didn’t want to talk to her again. Either way, she hasn't been able to stop thinking about him.

She thought they had a real moment. His big chocolate puppy dog eyes made her feel so safe and calm at that moment she wished she could live there forever.

“Earth to Y/N,” Savannah waved her hand in front of her face. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah,” she cleared her throat. “Actually no, would you tell Derek I have a message for Doctor Reid if he ever decides to actually call me?”

Savannah looked surprised, “okay, I see you.” She teased her. “Derek’s going to love this.”

Apparently, Derek and Spencer were very close, close enough that Savanah agreed to name her son Hank Spencer Morgan. Her opinion of him mattered a lot to Y/N. Savanah was her best friend at work, the only one who didn’t seem to put her career above people’s feelings.

By the time she was back in her apartment for the night, an unknown number started blowing up her phone.

“Well, well, well,” she took a leap of faith and teased the caller in hopes it was Spencer.

“Hi.” She heard his sweet voice finally. “I’m sorry I didn’t call sooner, I thought I imagined a hot doctor was hitting on me because of the anesthesia.” He apologized with brutal honesty.

He made her laugh, “guess again, handsome.”

“If you’d still like that drink, I’m making pasta and I have a new bottle of wine you could help me break into?” He offered.

“Is this a date Doctor Reid?” She blushed.

“The first of many I hope,” she could hear his smile on his voice.

“Text me the address, I’ll be there in an hour,” she said before hanging up. Rushing to her bathroom to start the shower.

—

She got all dolled up just to sit in an older man’s apartment. Legs shaved, new underwear she’s been dying to break out, the best bra she owns and a dress to cover it all. She was excited to see his reaction, yet her leg wouldn’t stop bouncing the entire Uber ride to his place.

His apartment building was nice, well taken care of and surprisingly larger than it looked from the outside. She eventually found his door, knocking 3 times and trying her best to look calm.

“Wow,” he was blown away by her the moment he opened the door.

“I could’ve shown up naked and it would still be better than my ugly blue scrubs,” she nervously laughed as she was ushered into his apartment.

He laughed, “that would’ve been interesting for sure.”

His apartment smelled amazing, she followed her nose to the kitchen where he was making, homemade and absolutely authentic, Italian Carbonara.

“It smells fantastic,” she complimented him. Picking up a wooden spatula and lightly moving the onions and pancetta around so it wouldn’t burn on him.

“Thanks,” he let out a deep sigh, “I did my absolute best to copy my coworker’s recipe.

Her heart swooned. He really cared about impressing her, “is there anything I can do to help?” She offered.

“Nope, if you want to sit at the counter here, I can open that bottle of wine?” He suggested.

“I’d love to,” she said. Walking around his kitchen counter island to sit on the stool.

He set out placemats and fancy napkins, there were candles lit all around the room as soft piano music carried through the room from a nearby record player. It felt like she slipped back to the 60s, and this man was trying to woo her.

It was working, if he wasn’t already smart and sexy this would have been the main selling point. He made her realize just how much she had been settling for decent men in the past when perfection was only a few blocks away.

“So, how long have you known Savannah?” Spencer asked as he began to unscrew the wine.

“We were surgical interns together, we’re actually the only two from our year to be hired on as residents in the ER,” She subtly bragged. For once she didn’t feel like it would scare him off or wound his ego like it would with most men she knew.

“So, you’re almost 30 now?” He asked lightly, not wanting to offend her but also not wanting to break any laws.

She laughed, “just turned 29 in January.”

“Good, 29 was a great year for me,” he added before popping the cork out of the wine bottle.

He poured her a decent-sized glass and passed it over to her. “Thank you. You know, I would never have thought you were 38 but the EMTs wouldn’t lie to me.”

“No they wouldn’t,” he smiled into his sip of wine. “9 years isn’t a huge difference.”

“My intelligence probably makes up for the age difference,” she teasingly tossed her hair over her shoulder.

“In my line of work, if a man told you that you were smart for your age I’d tell you to run,” he was completely serious.

“You catch serial killers, don’t you? I know Derek stopped, but you didn’t right?”

He shook his head as he put his focus back into the pasta. “Not currently, I’m on a mandatory stress leave right now.”

“From getting shot?” She asked softly. Watching him carefully mix all the ingredients together in a bowl.

“Partly,” he lifted the pasta from the bowl with 2 of the wooden spatulas, dividing it into two plates that he set on their placemats.

He sat beside her now, watching her delicately swirl the pasta with her fork. Not wasting a second before digging in. “Sorry,” she covered her mouth. “I worked a 10-hour shift today, I’m starving.”

“Dig in,” he enthused. Copying her and taking a bite.

“So what did you do that made them put you on leave?” She asked.

“I went to prison,” he awkwardly smiled as she choked on her wine.

“Seriously?”

He nodded silently, “I was framed by a hitman that I had a hand in capturing, it was only 3 months but the trauma was enough to have my boss set new boundaries for me at work. One of which being that for every 90 days that I work, I have to take 30 days off.”

“Makes sense, your mental health is as important as your physical health. I try to take time off as much as I can for my own sanity.”

“What do you do for stress relief,” he asked out of pure curiosity. Sounding like he was desperate for a new trick.

“I masturbate,” it was his turn to choke on the wine. “What? I thought we were being completely honest with each other?”

“Yeah, no, I mean yes honesty is great,” he stumbled over his wording. “Going to prison is a big thing to just drop on a first date.”

“Dude,” she looked at him softly. “I’ve already been inside you, is this really only the first date?” She teased him.

“Normally I don’t let a woman inside me until I get to know her a little bit,” he replied. Teasing her right back.

She felt her body temperature change, he was trying to get her all flustered and it was working. Something about him made her feel like a horny teenage boy. “We’ll see about that.”

—

They continued sharing their life stories as honestly as they could. She found out about his drug use, his dead girlfriend and his mother’s health issues in a very short time span. Sharing back that her parents passed away when she was young. Explaining that if it wasn’t for Savannah, she might’ve really lost herself to depression after med school only to be met with the nicest response from Spencer.

He was lovely, the most perfect gentleman and host she could have asked for. She helped him with the dishes, asking him with complete sincerity if he was over his dead girlfriend.

“Honestly, I don’t think I truly knew her enough to miss her as much as I do,” he explained. “I was so obsessed with the idea of loving someone I didn’t actually appreciate the time I had with her.”

“So you haven’t been with anyone since?”

He set the last plate in the dry side of the sink, letting the water go before drying off his hands. “I’ve tried.”

“No one felt right?” She pried.

He watched her dry the last plate and place it in his cabinet. She moved so smoothly in his space it was like she had been there a million times. “Then I got shot.”

She couldn’t help herself from smiling, feeling just a little bad that he needed to literally get shot for them to meet. “Would’ve been so awkward if you died,” she cut the tension with a joke.

“Then I wouldn’t have been able to do this,” he said before placing his hands on her waist and pulling her in close.

She placed her damp hand on his shirt. Leaving a handprint on the purple fabric. Those big brown eyes got her, she was lost in them as his focus flickered to her lips.

“Can I kiss you,” he asked.

“I’d be pissed if you didn’t,” she replied before closing the gap between them.

His lips were so soft as they brushed across hers lightly. They softly kissed a few times before she snaked her arms around his neck and ran her tongue against his bottom lip. Begging to taste the expensive wine on his tongue.

She had never really done this before. She was never one for one-night stands, let alone fucking on the first date. Spencer made her feel alive like there was a fire in her that she needed to feed. She was more into him than anyone else she’s ever slept with.

She let him press her against the counter, lifting her up and setting her on the cold stone. She was a little taller than he was now, sitting up straight with her breasts in his face, he lightly kissed the centre of her chest

Dragging his bottom lip along her skin, she shivered, “fuck,” she whispered. “Please?”

“Please what?” He teased, “I thought you wanted to be inside me?”

She laughs, “maybe later.”

Reaching between them, she unbuckled his belt and pushed him back enough to hop off the counter. “Bedroom?”

“Up,” he whispers, wrapping his arms around her and letting her hop into his grasp. Carrying her to his bedroom as she kisses his neck, “If you’re serious, I’ll need a quick bathroom break.”

He sets her down on the bed, hovering over her as she sucks one more mark into his neck and flops back against the mattress. “Okay, so you’re telling me you just have a strap lying around?”

“Don’t you?”

“Well,” she gets all flustered, “yeah? Where is yours?”

“Bedside drawer,” he smirks, “I’m going to shower, you can make yourself comfortable in here?”

“Okay,” she smiles up at him, “hurry back.”

“I will,” he slips away and into the bathroom and she’s left in his apartment.

Sure enough, in his bedside drawer, there is a collection of sex toys, lubes condoms and a harness. She adjusts it to her size, steps from her dress and slips inside it when she notices one of the toys. Almost double-ended, to fit a g-spot vibe inside her while she fucks him, it made her blood rush with excitement.

Staring at herself in the mirror behind his bedroom door, the outfit she picked was perfect, she had no idea the night was going here and yet this is like a dream come true. She looks amazing, so much so that Spencer returns with a gasp and the drop of his towel.

Hard, gorgeous, and practically drooling over her.

“On the bed, big boy,” she instructs, easily slipping into a more dominating personality the second she sees him.

“Yes ma’am,” he teases, biting back a smile as he gets on the bed, staying on all 4’s, presenting himself to her easily.

She runs her hand along his ankle and along his leg, up to his perched ass where she lays a light slap. “Safeword?”

“Is red okay?” He looks back at her, still smirking.

“Sure is, do you have hard no’s?” Her hand trails up his back as she walks towards his night table, he shakes his head in response watching her take out the lube before winking back at him. “Lie down, on your back.”

She places the lube on the bed beside him, grabbing a few pillows to place on the end of the bed, she grips his legs and pulls him down the bed with a smirk. Propping him up, she spreads his legs and gets a good look at all his glory. She drags the tips of her fingers from his knees, down the inside of his thighs towards his groin, making him shiver.

Leaning in, she presses a kiss to his cock, “so pretty, you know that?”

“Mhmm,” he hums, watching her carefully with his bottom lips sucked into his mouth.

She looks at his scar quickly, feeling around it with a few fingers… because even when she’s off the clock she can’t stop being a doctor. Replacing her fingers with a kiss, that makes him suck in a shaky breath.

She takes the lube and drizzles it on his cock, lazily jerking him off with a smile, teasing him until he starts to beg but he keeps holding off. Hips moving with her stroking, following her hand and she jerks her hand a little faster.

“Flip.” Y/N insisted, guiding Spencer’s hips till he was on his stomach with his ass perched in the air once again.

He couldn’t see Y/N but he could only imagine the hungry look she gave him as she spread his cheeks. She gave it a smack, sending a shock wave of arousal through Spencer’s body that generated a shocked moan.

Spencer melted at the feeling of Y/N’s tongue at his entrance. Hot and slick, she licked a stripe over him. Spencer grabbed a pillow and shoved his face in it to hide his moans, but she just reached forward and yanked it away from him.

“Let me hear you.”

She pressed two fingers to Spencer’s perineum, pushing ever so softly but just enough to make Spencer let out a small scream as Y/N’s tongue rammed into him. Y/N’s other hand gipped his cheek, squeezing and pulling at it.

When she pulled back, Spencer immediately missed the feeling, pushing his ass back in an attempt to bring her back. He heard Y/N pop the cap on the lube and moaned back into the pillow. Before he knew it, Y/N was running a cold lubed-up finger over his hole. Circling it lightly before pressing in.

Spencer relaxed, letting himself pull Y/N in more while she curled her finger, she lightly pulled out and pushed in again— it was intoxicating, the feeling of her opening him up. A second finger, and a third, all working harmoniously prepping him, rubbing ever so slightly against his prostate and sending shockwaves through his body. Y/N pulled out and the empty feeling was back.

Spencer rolled back onto his back, Y/N slotted herself between Spencer’s legs once more before leaning in for a quick kiss. Spencer placed his hands on Y/N’s cheeks and pulled her in for a soft kiss at the same time.

“Hi,” he whispered.

Y/N giggled, kissing him again, “hello.”

“Are you going to fuck me?” he asked with a cheeky smile, knowing the answer but it was fun to ask anyway.

Y/N smiled and sat back on her knees, it was fascinating how quickly they changed between desperate want and passionate lust. Sure he wanted Y/N to fuck him senseless but he also just enjoyed looking at her and falling for her.

she lubed herself up and slowly slipped back into Spencer. He was thick and warm and it felt fantastic, his body tingled and the sheets suddenly felt like a cloud beneath him. He’s in heaven as Y/N bottomed out.

Stilling, she reached under Spencer’s knees to hold them up. She pulled out slowly before pushing back in and starting a rhythm. She angled the dildo up, hitting Spencer’s prostate with force, Spencer covered his mouth to muffle the scream.

“Fuck, baby, like that?” Y/N teased, fucking him harder and watching the glory on his face.

Spencer let out a soft chant of “fuck, fuck, fuck,” as Y/N hit that beautiful bundle of nerves over and over and over. Spencer jerked himself off in time with Y/N’s thrusts, feeling his orgasm building inside him. Right as she turned on the vibrating aspect of her strap.

Trembling slightly as she felt it against her clit with each thrust and grind of the harness. It felt amazing for her, but the residual vibrations travelled along the shaft of the dildo and to Spencer as she fucked him.

Part of him wanted it to last forever, the feeling of euphoria right before he came that made everything feel good in the world.

Y/N was getting desperate now too, her thrusts getting more erratic and her breath was equally as uneven. Spencer felt himself getting close, his veins were on fire, his toes started to curl, “fuck,” he said one last time as he squeezed the base of his cock and came all over his chest.

“Shit, fuck,” Y/N said before biting her lip and stilling inside him as she ground against the vibrations. Shockingly reaching her own high, dropping to his chest with a gasp and a tremble. She was panting, coming down from her high, she let go of Spencer’s legs and pulled out before dropping to Spencer’s chest again and cuddling into him.

“Holy fuck?” Spencer’s still catching his own breath, hands roaming her back as he held her against his chest. Then he does the unthinkable.

He unclips her bra before rolling her over, she’s laying on her back now as he kisses her chest. She arches her back as he pulls her bra off, throwing it to the floor and proceeding to take the harness off her. Peeling her underwear off with it, spreading her legs and lapping up her last orgasm with all the want in the world.

Her hand reaches for his hair, holding it at the root as his tongue circles her clit. A finger slips in easily, rubbing her g spot with each thrust, she can’t believe how good it feels as she ruts against his face.

“Fuck,” she moans, “I need to you fuck me with something, please? God, I feel so empty.”

He groans, kneeling between her legs no, his cock getting hard all over again. He streaks himself lightly, reaching into his drawer for a condom, “can I have a vibe too?” She smirks, never this confident to ask on most hookups, but Spencer was different.

“Yeah,” he hands her a bullet vibe, “should be charged?”

“I won't last that long to care,” she teases, “hurry up.”

He slides the condom on, taking his time as he pushes her legs back up and slides in with little resistance, she tosses her head back with a sigh, “thank fuck.”

She rubs the vibe over her clit as he fucks her and he’s so thankful, being able to finally give some well-deserved attention to her tits, gripping them both as he thrusts into her again. Finding his rhythm with his hips while lazily sucking on one nipple and palming the other breast.

She moans over and over, “yes, oh fuck, right there baby, please?”

“Yeah?” he mumbled against her skin, “wanna cum again?”

She nods, legs shaking as she gets right to the edge and she forgets how to breathe because it feels so good. Mouth opening and back arching as he sends her orgasm through her, a high-pitched sigh escapes her as she tosses her body back against the bed, hands in Spencer's hair as he switches between tits and fucks her through his own impending orgasm.

When it’s over, she has no idea how they managed to do that. Spencer’s resting on her chest, which is still heaving as she searches for whatever oxygen is left in Spencer’s stuffy bedroom.

“Can we do that again sometime?” Spencer asks carefully. Nervous and meek, secretly hoping she wants more time with him just as bad as he does with her.

“Page me the next time you want me inside you.”

Permanent tag list

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[yourmidnightlover]

never go back

Summary: spencer notices how your boyfriend takes advantage of you and finally does something about it.

TW: titty sucking, oral (female receiving), cheating, dom!spencer, scratching, slapping (only one), cursing, choking, spencer dirty talk lol, penetrative sex, creampie. *let me know if i missed anything*

WC: 3,724

A/N - i'm using noah as the 'other man' schtick in probably all of my future one shots bc i can't find it within myself to create a new character each and every time. so your douche of a bf will always be noah miller. if you ever get a nice bf i'll be sure to change his name but for now this is what we're working with. got it? got it.

masterlist

-------------------------------

there are many things that people should go back to. schooling, maybe an old job, an old vacation spot.

your boyfriend was not one of those things.

mostly because your boyfriend sucked.

it was now a fact that spencer reid himself had come to believe quite a while ago and now, well now he had reason.

he had always felt as though you were too good for noah, similar for practically anyone in existence (himself included). he was always a complete ass to you no matter the circumstance.

there was one time the entire team had been back really late from a case that took a toll on all of you. it was emotionally and physically draining. the flight back had been delayed because of weather issues in the state you had been in, meaning you couldn't leave until days after it was solved.

any time you had gone to answer the phone, spencer would be able to see your stance and body language through the glass window. you had been apologizing for something you couldn't even control. you would narrow your brows the way you only did when you were being yelled at. you bit your lip the way you did when you were being made to feel guilty.

he was guilt tripping you for something you couldn't even control.

when you had gotten back it wasn't any better. noah had been giving you the cold shoulder. he was defensive when you asked what was wrong.

and that was only 3 weeks into the relationship.

after being together for 2 months, you had gotten flowers delivered on your desk. you assumed they were from your boyfriend, reasonably so, and went to go thank him. spencer saw the shock in your eyes when you saw your boyfriend huddled in the corner with some new intern. spencer saw the look in your eye change from sadness to anger in the blink of his own.

you took a deep breath, and walked away from the situation, completely missing the way he tucked the intern's hair behind her ear as he leaned in to whisper something to make her giggle. when you got back to your desk you threw the flowers in the garbage can, not even bothering to read the note.

it was pretty indirect, but looking into it he realized it was an issue that should've been addressed. every time the team would go out together, everyone was clearly invited. you would always decline because 'noah wanted to take me out tonight' or 'noah said he needs me, so i'll have to rain check'.

it wasn't because you were a bad person, the opposite actually. it was because noah was taking advantage of your kindness.

because any time you needed him, 'noah's out with the boys' or 'noah had to work late' or, here's a kicker, 'noah had a hard time at work'. as if you don't have a hard time looking at dead bodies while he just has to write up reports.

even when you got injured during a case, shot in the shoulder, noah seemed as though he couldn't have cared less. he wouldn't even go to your apartment to visit you while you were in recovery because 'noah didn't have time to visit'.

spencer could even recall when you went out with the girls one night, spencer being the designated driver, that you had told them how 'noah didn't want you to dress too provocatively so you had to wear something more modest'.

now, spencer doesn't care all to much about what you wear because, frankly, it's none of his business. but now that he heard how noah cared oh-so-much, he decided to wrack his brain for the 'provocative' outfits you've worn. there was not a single one that anyone should make a comment about. you looked stunning no matter what you wore, so you'd grab any man's attention no matter the clothing on your body.

but spencer? he made sure to never be that much of an asshole to you. he made sure to make up for him being an asshole.

he would grab you some morning coffee like you always had before you had a boyfriend. he would make sure to tell you that you looked lovely when you were able to go out with the team. he would visit you when you injured yourself and were lonely, he even stayed back for a few days with you to help you get through it.

hell, he was the one to get you the flowers. you had been having a rough week and spencer thought it might cheer you up. he had gifted you a bouquet of 12, blue chiffon flowers because those were your favorite.

but this was his breaking point. you had come to his apartment, once again in the middle of the night, talking about noah fucking miller cheating on you.

he had done it once before when he was 'out with the boys' you decided to stop by when he said he'd be back, wanting to just be the amazing girlfriend that you are. so when you walk in and hear your boyfriend moaning along with another woman that isn't you, you immediately run back out. you run back out and drive all the way to spencer's.  

and here you are again. spencer wasn't mad at you, it was noah he was mad at. he couldn't believe what he was hearing.

spencer had always liked you, no, he's always loved you. everything about you. how could he not? you're perfect.

but loving you how he does and seeing you being used as a toy to fuck for a certain noah miller not only made his heart ache but also made his blood boil.

spencer wasn't an idiot. he had heard the way the old morgan had referred to women. the thing is, noah is way more of a fuckboy than the old morgan ever was. and that scared spencer to pieces. he knew that you would only be missing out on team outings just to get fucked by a douchebag. he knew that the only reason said douchebag wouldn't visit you was because you couldn't fuck. he knew that the reason said douchebag was cornering that intern was to fuck her, too.

so when you arrived at spencer's place, this time you weren't crying. you were furious. you were angry and upset, as was spencer.

"he did it again, spence," you breathed out as you paced across his living room floor. "i was supposed to meet him in a few hours but i was going to surprise him and i caught him with another tramp! i didn't even confront him. i just- i just left!"

"cheated? noah?" he asked as if he didn't believe it at first, not wanting to seem like as much of a dick as noah.

"yes! cheated. god! i am so ANGRY!" you ran your hand through your hair, a grunt leaving your mouth. "and... and frustrated! and... UGH!" you sighed aggressively.

"and what?" spencer asked as he stood up, slowly making his way to you. "what else?" he said, his hand now brushing that stubborn strand of hair behind your ear.

"i-i'm..." you trailed off, getting lost in his beautiful eyes.

if you were honest with yourself, you'd admit how much you loved spencer. but you thought he'd never love you like that. not since you helped him through jj getting married. he really thought she was it for him, at least that's what you'd come to think he believed. over the years you had grown so much closer and grown such an attraction for each other that the other person knew about. it was ironic, truly.

"say it, y/n," spencer leaned over you, his lips ghosting over yours. "i need to hear you say it."

"god, just kiss me," you said, your hands flying to the back of his hair to push his mouth to yours.

there was no hesitation from spencer to give you everything he had. his hand on the side of your face remained there as his other hand drifted to your waist to pull you closer to his body. your tongues met fervently with covetous, passion, and longing yet with just gentle firmness that felt protecting and as if it was how everything was supposed to be.

"please, spencer," you quietly whispered once you unlatched from one another.

"please what, princess," he asked, his hand running through your hair.

"i just... i need you," she pleaded with him, her hands still tugging gently on his hair. "please," you put your foreheads together, breathing in each others air as you silently begged him to help you in any way that he could.

"i'd do anything for you," he whispered so delicately as if the entire team were standing right beside you. "you know i'd do anything for you."

"then do something," you demanded.

spencer took action by kissing you just as intensely as before, this time his hands went to your ass. he grabbed your thighs to signal for you to jump, once you did you wrapped your legs around his torso as he carried you into his bedroom. he set you down just in front of the bed before you began to undo his shirt, him returning the favor by undoing yours.

"god, i've wanted you for so long," he growled, nipping gently at your earlobe as he laid you back on the bed. "lift your hips," he ordered, you obeyed his every command. you always would. "good girl," he praised as he ran his hands down your now bare waist.

"please," you begged, your hips bucking up to get any source of friction. "spencer..." you trailed off.

"i know, princess. i know," he said before climbing on top of you, connecting your lips with his once again, this time much more eager than before if that were possible.

as you arched your back, he took the opportunity to unclasp the hook on your bra. you shrugged it off your shoulders to allow him to throw the bra somewhere else in his room. he finally took a breath, removing his lips from yours to admire the view in front of him.

"god, you're so beautiful," he growled before placing gentle but eager kisses along the tops of your breasts, massaging the one his mouth wasn't on.

he pressed his knee between your legs, allowing you to buck your hips up to get that release you wanted so bad. you whined as he took your nipple in his mouth, his tongue flicking past it rapidly as he occasionally nibbled on it gently.

"spen-spencer," you ran your hands through his hair, tugging gently on the roots.

"mmm," he sat his head up, trailed kisses up your throat. "god, i love you so much."

"i-i love you," you moaned, pulling his head up to connect your lips together. "i love you so so much."

"i'm so glad to hear that," he huffed a sigh of relief. "because otherwise it'd be awkward when i did this," he began trailing kisses down your body, leading down towards your center. "i'll show you what it's like to be with a man that actually loves and respects you, yea? show you what it feels like to actually be pleased by a man? what it's like to be with a real man?" he teased.

his fingers trailed around your entrance, gathering your arousal that'd been building for what felt like ages. he pressed gentle kisses around your pussy before finally connecting his lips with your clit, a low groan emitting from your body because of the contact.

"yes, please," you shot your head back, relishing in the feeling of the direct skin contact.

"hey," spencer slapped your thigh, your head shot back up to see him between your legs, a truly beautiful sight that you'd never get tired of. "eyes on me," he demanded before going back down on you, not breaking eye contact as he brought out sounds from you that you weren't even sure you could make. "talk to me, princess. let me know how it feels."

"fe-feels so good," you sighed, taking your breasts in your hands and massaging them. "i-i can-can't even think," you stuttered out, too caught up in the pleasure to form a coherent sentence.

you had felt so good as he sucked on your clit, succeeding in bringing you closer to the edge than noah ever has, but when he inserted two fingers into your entrance...

"oh my fuck!" your hands shot down to grab onto his locks, pushing him further into your body, a low groan leaving him.

his fingers didn't stop their work. he curled them at just the right spot, sending you flying over the edge. spencer used his free hand to grab onto your thigh to keep them from closing in completely on his head, still working you through your high. he placed a kiss on your clit once more before he brought his head up to you, connecting your lips passionately.

"could noah ever make you come like that? huh? could he make you feel so good you could barely even think?" he grabbed your chin in his hands, holding it in place to look at him as you shook your head the best you could. "no?"

"mm-mm," you tried to shake your head 'no' once more.

"did you think of him while i was going down on you? were you thinking about how he fucked that little tramp?" he asked harshly, you shook your head 'no' again. "oh, what were you thinking, princess?" he finally released your face so you could speak.

"ab-about how well you know my body. about how, how good you looked between my legs. about how much i love you," you replied quickly, knowing exactly what to say.

"right answer," he connected your lips once more. "what do you want, love?" he asked, peppering soft kisses along your jaw where his hands once held your throat firmly.

"you. i-i want you in-inside me," you swallowed, your hand finding his and pulling it up to your lips to press a kiss to it, then another, then another, then another. "please, doctor?" you used your best puppy dog eyes you knew he couldn't resist.

"god, call me that again," he rasped lowly.

"what... doctor?" you took his hand and started sucking on his fingers, letting them slip in and out slowly and then moving onto the next.

"fuck, yes," he growled as he pressed another kiss to your lips before lining himself up at your center. "are you sure, princess?" he traced your jaw with the fingers you were previously sucking on.

"yes, sir," you nodded. "i'm sure."

you felt him slowly push inside of you slowly to allow you to adjust to his size. you had your suspicions of how big he was, but feeling him inside of you made it all much more real.

"fuck, you're so tight," he moaned into your ear quietly as he slowly pulled back out, going in just as slow.

"sp-spence-"

"wrong," he slapped your face gently, a whimper leaving your lips before he grasped your face to make you look him in the eyes.

"doc-doctor," you corrected yourself.

"good girl," he said, feeling your pussy clench from the praise. "oh you like that?" he felt it again. "maybe you just like hearing me talk, yea?" his pace began picking up slowly. "you like hearing how this pussy makes me feel? how tight... and warm... and wet it is?"

"u--uh huh," you nodded your head the best you could as he began thrusting much more rapid, hitting that special spot inside of you with each movement.

"it seems like you haven't felt this good in a long time huh? haven't had your pussy pounded like this in a while?" he asked as he was catching his breath.

"ne-never, doctor," you confirmed, hands reaching around his back and dragging your nails down, surely leaving scratch marks all down them.

"fuck," he growled. "noah never made you feel this good princess? never made you forget how to speak in sentences? never knew how to get you going like this?"

"n-no, no! never! god, never!" you cried as you pulled his body even closer to you. "i-i'm close, please!"

"you wanna come all over my dick, yea? you want to show me how much your pussy loves it when a real man fucks it?"

that was it to let that spring burst inside of you, parts flying everywhere. you cried his name as he worked you through your orgasm, holding onto his shoulders and hair to keep you grounded.

"cum inside me, please," you begged. "fi-fill me up."

"fuck, whatever you want, princess," he kept pounding into you at a rapid pace. "god, i'm gonna come inside you, and send you back to that scumbag of a boyfriend so he can see that you're mine now. so he can see what happens when his girlfriend is mistreated and fucked by someone who knows what they're doing, yea?"

"yea, yea!" you whined, nails digging back into his skin as he released his load into you, thrusting it gently back inside after.

"god, i love you so much," he moaned into your ear, pressing a kiss to your cheek by your ear.

"i love you," you replied, stroking his hair to help him come down, him still inside of you. he began thrusting inside of you once again.

"don't want any of it to spill out before you get to him," he felt you clench around him one more time. "you're very responsive, princess. i like that about you."

"it-it's just you, spence. it's always been you," you pulled him in for another kiss.

this one was full of passion but not the kind of eagerness. it was full of desire and longing, pent up emotions flowing out into one another fluidly.

"now let me go see my soon-to-be-ex-boyfriend," you huffed as he pulled out of you, wincing from the overstimulation. "i'll see you later?"

"i'll see you later," he pressed a kiss to your forehead before helping you gather your clothes.

driving back to his apartment, you felt rather giddy with yourself. should you have felt bad? absolutely not. he's a manipulative asshole who's used you for sex on numerous occasions, so he deserved the bittersweet irony of what was coming to him.

*get it, coming to him? lol i'm sorry i had to :)*

you knocked on the door softly, greeted by a rather chipper noah who grabbed your face as soon as he saw you, connecting your lips. his kiss was nothing like spencer's. his lips weren't as soft and tentative. they weren't plump and round, they were harsh and rough and unpleasant.

he quickly led you to the bedroom, not to your surprise. he sat down on the bed, you straddled his hips, acting as if it were spencer instead - which was pretty hard to do after knowing what he was like in the sack.

you felt his boner through his pants quickly after you got on top of him. then when he flipped you over and pulled your pants and underwear down, he was met with a surprise.

"someone's excited to see me," he chuckled before licking a thick stripe from your slit to clit, very aggressive to where it almost hurt to have the pressure. "god you taste so good, doll."

he continued at this for a while, inserting his tongue to your hole very once in a while and licking up yours and spencer's arousal with it. you faked your moans and whimpers as his ministrations became more eager, not really getting you anywhere.

after he was finished with your turn - no, he didn't even make you cum - he laid back on the bed as if he were waiting for you to get on top of him again.

"actually," you stood up from the bed, pulling up your clothes with you. "i'm done with this. we're over."

you watched his face as he took in the information just released to him. it changed from surprised and shocked, to confused, to disgusted, to angry and frustrated.

"what the fuck?" he sat up from the bed, a disgruntled look on his face. "you wait until after you cum to tell me this?" he walked over to you, arms flailing in the air.

"yea. i did. and by the way, i didn't cum," you informed him. "that's something you've never really been good at making me do. although i'm not sure how you've been able to convince me to do anything with the way you treat me."

"what do you mean? i'm a good gu-"

"shut up for one second, please," you rolled your eyes, running your hand through your hair. "i know you've cheated on me numerable times. i stayed because i thought that maybe there was a reason, but i've come to realize that i was just... settling with you," you shrugged.

"you've treated me like crap since this 'relationship' started and i'm tired of it. i know someone who not only treats me with respect and kindness, but can also actually make me cum. shocker," you chuckled.

"who is this asshole? what the hell-"

"i wasn't finished, sweetie," you spat out viciously. "he's not an asshole. you're the asshole. you're the one that's getting dumped. so this is goodbye," you turned around to walk out of his room before leaving him with one more thought. "how did his cum taste with mine?" you tilted your head innocently, smiling at his shocked face as he realized what you meant before walking out.

and you were never more glad that you didn't have to go back to him anymore.

taglist:

@muffin-cup​ @greenprisca​ @averyhotchner​ 

[shadowturtlesstuff]

You belong with me

so i decided to post wadsworth first. modern au cressworth- you belong with me taylor swift

Thomas throws his phone down on the bed with frustration swirling around him as he paces. I set down my pen and wait till he turns and spots me. We often find ourselves talking via paper throughout the nights, from questions about our day to helping each other study. It is also often we watch each other be angry at something, yet I've not seen him this bad before. Finally Thomas turns and catches my eye. He stands there for a second before smiling and I quickly move around my various workbooks till I find my notebook I use to talk to him. I take my sharpie and write: ‘Are you okay?’

I watch him shake his head ever so slightly, seemingly baffled at it, but he walks to his window and opens it. The wind brushes his deep brown hair and I can't help but want to reach out and run my hand through it. I curse myself for it as he motions for me to open my window. Moving my books and pens off of me and cursing at my stiff leg as I go and open the window. Somehow I manage to hit my arm in the process and I curse, which makes Thomas laugh slightly so I forgive my body for hurting me. 

“You have a wicked mouth Wadsworth. Did you not learn cursing is unlady-like?” he teases and I relax slightly because of it.

“Fuck you,” I scowl at his smirk and the frigid wind. His eyes light up at my temper. We live across from one another, if we were to reach out we could hold hands. Which we have done. When I got rejected from the specific school I was desperate to go to, Thomas had managed to climb into my room and hold me as I cried. He's only ever needed to climb over twice to cheer me up, the other times have been to study or watch some romance programme he thought was good. I hoped wherever was troubling was something that wouldn't resort to me having to climb over. As much as I would want to, my brain may have a hard time letting me attempt it. 

“I assume dear Wadworth, you want to ask what has made me so irate?” he asks, eyes focused on behind me and fingers tapping his window sill as he sits. I watch as his cat, ridiculously named Sir Isaac Mewton, jumps off his bed and onto his seat next to him. He grabs the cat and kisses the top of his head before holding him in his lap.

“Perhaps,” I say, moving so I rest my head on the wall, “perhaps I merely wanted to ask if Sir Issac was okay.” his eyes shift to mine and despite him still being angry they soften at my attempt at humour. I am not as good as Thomas at using humour to help someone, but he always does it for me. 

“Really? You always refer to him as a little pest, whereas as with me, I am your dearest person, of course you want to know how I am feeling. My son is good though, very energetic today.” he smiles down at his cat. I remember the day he brought him home, he made me go over to his house and we spent all night playing with him. Thomas did, I ended up studying and making notes for the both of us while he gave Sir Isaac a ‘grand tour’ of his new home. The smile vanishes off Thomas's face and once again his gaze goes past me. “I assume you saw the call, well that was William. Yes, awful. Apparently though, there is a rumour that I'm with Miss Whitehall. I don't even remember her first name, but he was convinced of our relation despite my protests. Madness.” I watch him scoff, anger once again taking over his features. His cat nuzzles into him and Thomas leans into his cat. If I wasn't also mad now I'd smile at the sight. 

“Is this the same William that had convinced everyone I was dating him?” 

“Yes.”

“Bitch. Why on earth is he such a problem? Where on earth does he even make this assumptions about us?'' I find myself standing and pacing, trying to quell my own rising anger. A year ago, William had been my lab partner for a few weeks, he was friendly, but people had got it in their head that we were somehow together, and he went with it. Gossiped about me, even Thomas, and then was somehow enraged I dared to stop those rumours and be angry at him. I'd come home one day when it was particularly too much, when my father had found out and lectured me about it, as though I was in the wrong for standing up for myself. He'd cancel my lesson with my uncle out of spite, and I stormed upstairs. Thomas had been at the window, as if he was expecting me. One look at his face made me cry. I managed to open my window and he'd once again climbed in and held me as I cried. Then he made us watch this awful romance film together and held me still as I fell asleep on him. 

“I have never once,” Thomas says, dragging me back from those awful memories, “shown interest in her, nor will I ever.” He drags a hand through his hair. “She's just- a lot.”

I huff a sigh. She is awful. Had been awful to Liza and I for years. With her short skirts, high heels and the most rotten attitude I have ever witnessed. It wasn't often that I'd hate someone like that, someone so different from me in nearly every way, but she has tried to make me feel that I don't belong because of my interest in science and not the traditional girl interests.. “That is the understatement of the year Cresswell. Beside, you wouldn't work, she's too- your,” I have no idea how to explain how excellent Thomas is, how wonderful his mind is and how kind he is. It's not a side he shows to most, yet if he was ever with someone like Whitehall, it would be disastrous. I take my seat again and find him looking at me, suppressing a smirk and raising an eyebrow at me. “What?” I ask. I shrink under his gaze, pulling my hoodie over my legs as I curl in on myself. 

“I’m what? I'd be delighted to know your innermost thoughts of me, Wadsworth.”

“Your absurd but fine I'll elaborate,” I roll my eyes as he shifts so he is fully facing me, eyes completely focused, no sign of the anger he had only moments ago, “your too kind, too witty and clever and Whitehall wouldn’t appreciate you enough. You-” don’t belong with her.

Ever since he mentioned the idea of being with someone else, real or not, I have tried to ignore how much it pained me that he would be with someone else. I never expected to want to be with him, yet lately the premise of dating him has seemed very pleasing to me.

“You forgot to mention how handsome I look, or how charming I am, but I'll take it,” his voice is deeper than normal and his gaze travels over me even though his eyes are on my own. Thomas pats Sir Issac and his cat jumps off behind him with a whine. His hand reaches out for mine and I lean forward, wind making my loose strands of hair fly across my face. His hands are warm as I take them but his smile warms me more. It is small but genuine and filled with the normal Cresswell charm mixed with something I can't quite name. 

“I don’t need to inflate your ego further Thomas.” 

“I know but it would've been nice. I did say the inner most thoughts but we’ll get there. Audrey rose-” he looks down contemplating his words before he once again locks his gaze on mine, his dark brown eyes bright, “I dont belong with her, your right, my heart would never belong to her especially since it already belongs to someone else.” 

I blink at the honesty. I want to scream that you belong with me; but if Thomas is in love with someone else then I suppose I will have to find a way to deal with it. I try to keep the hurt of my face even as he smiles at me. 

“I-” Thomas lets go of my hand and stands. There's a silence between us until he motions for me to move. The idiot is going to climb into my house so he can tell me about his new found love. Like the fool I am, I'm going to let him talk about this girl who makes him look this happy. Even though it hurts that it's not me who is making him look like that. Even though I'm the one who makes him laugh when he is angry or upset. Even though I'm the one who knows his favourite songs, the books beside his bed and all his hopes and dreams.

He climbs over and sets himself on the window sill, giving me room to sit across from him. I do, even as I try to ignore the weight pressing down on my chest. “I hope you are happy with whomever has your heart Cresswell.” I say and mean it. I once again curl into myself, hoodie covering my legs as i watch him continue to smile at me, 

“Of course I'll be happy. She's amazing. Let me tell you all about her. I met her many years back and was instantly smitten with her emerald eyes and her quick witted mind. How she sings to herself every morning and how her dark curls fall across her face whenever she sits on her bed and reads. I adore her curiosity for the dead and how wicked her mouth is and how delightful it is to watch your mind at work. I love when she shows me a note through the window to see if I'm doing okay and-”

“Wait,” I blurt out, my mind catching up, “Thomas, are you talking about me?”

“Yes, finally! I thought I'd have to keep speaking forever till you realized it was you.” He starts laughing at my gaping mouth until I collect myself enough to scowl at him slightly for laughing. Thomas reaches out for my hand, moving closer to me until my back is pressed against the wall, my hoodie no longer over my legs as he rests his other hand on my leg, warmth seeping through me. “Wadsworth, darling, I have been in love with you for some time now.” 

Silence washes over us as we stare, trying to convince ourselves this is really happening. “I have something to show you.” My voice is barely about a whisper and I slide out of his grasp even though I don't want to. I walk to my bed where all my notebooks were left open and my notebooks sits. I open it out and let a piece of paper fall out. Facing Thomas I open the sheet slowly, watch him read the words. His eyes lit up at them.

I love you.

I take my place beside him again, his hands finding their way in mine once again. “I wrote that the night after you came here the second time. Something in me clicked that no matter what you'd find a way to comfort me. Not save me, but work alongside me. I wanted to tell you I just couldn't face it. But I needed to acknowledge it. So I wrote it down, and I look at it every time we use the note system; I try to convince myself to show you.” Thomas just stares at me, eyes flicking down to my lips every now and then. His hands are making circles on my leg, not entirely intentional. Thomas has always shown if he is excited or nervous by either tapping or making shapes on surfaces. The world slows completely as he leans in and presses his lips against mine. He pulls back ever so slightly, resting his head against mine and we are both smiling wildly at each other, pressing kisses until he leans further away. Thomas goes back to his side of the wall, which may as well be across the other side of the world, then he pulls me to him and I twist so that my back is against his. He holds me as we both look out the window, enjoying the freeing feeling of telling each other how we feel. 

“Now would be a perfect time to tell me how handsome I am, my love.” 

@fangirling-again @kittycat2187 @goatahoan @city-of-fae @the-hoofflepooff @padfoot-sirius-black-blog @purplecreatorhorsewagon @boredbookwormgirl @goddess-of-writing-wars @lovecakeandmore ​ @yikesitsmaddie @loveyatopluto​ @throneofsc @bookscressworth​

[missymurphy1985]

The Return

It's been 2 years since you were last in Dublin. 2 years since you up and left without warning, saying goodbye to your life there and restarting somewhere completely new. Sometimes, you have to go backwards in order to move forwards.

Requested by @noctvrnalmoth I hope you like it!

*Featuring Jim from the Delinquent Season*

Stepping off the train into the platform, you sighed. It all looked the same, and yet so different. Pulling the buggy open, you gently strapped your sleeping son in and made your way to the taxi rank, your suitcase trailing behind you. A kind lady helped you with your bags and waited with you for an available taxi.

"You look like you have the weight of the world on your shoulders there, are you okay?" She sat next to you on the bench as your son murmured adorably in his sleep. "Sorry, I don't mean to pry..."

"No don't be sorry.. just been a long time since I came back here is all. Few loose ends to tie up." You glanced at your son's sleepy features as his eyes started to open. Beautiful, ocean blue eyes alongside his dark hair, growing more every day... The memories of that night flooding back before you took a large gulp of water from the bottle in your bag, forcing them back down. You'd done so well... 2 years and you'd built a new life in London. New friends, amazing new job allowing you to put that degree in marketing to good use - you were finally making a complete fresh start. But the secrets you had buried deep inside kept coming to the surface the more your son grew. He deserved to know his roots, who his father was, you knew that, but you couldn't do it.

Choking a tear back, you thanked the kind lady for helping you as a taxi pulled up and she helped you to get in.

Pulling up outside your cousin Natalie's townhouse in the city centre, she was waiting for you at the gate to help with Jackson and your bags. Grinning from ear to ear she pulled you in for a huge hug once you'd got inside and settled on her couch as Jackson sat in this new lady's lap tugging at her earrings.

"I can't believe I'm only just meeting him y/n.. he's the image of you!!" She kissed his cheek, bringing him up to look at him properly for the first time not over Skype.

"I never see it, I just see.... I just see him I guess..." You mind wandered to the man you actually saw, but you didn't let it slip.

"Those EYES!!! So blue and vibrant, just beautiful!" Natalie was swooning now, she'd never seen eyes that blue on a baby. Your eyes were brown, so he clearly inherited them from his father, although you had never revealed his identity - just a drunken one night stand and he wasn't involved. You weren't lying, technically...

After catching up properly, Natalie told you she'd planned a few people coming over to welcome you back that evening - nothing major, just a few friends from years ago that were keen to see you after so long away.

"Oh.. yes, that would be nice... Um, who's coming?"

"Well I think David and Amanda, possibly Caroline.. I think Liam is asking Jim too but I'm not sure if he's up for it - he's been through a tough time lately.." you caught a gasp in your throat at the sound of his name. Last you heard, through Natalie, he and Danielle were going through a rough patch. Cheating accusations on both sides, they'd agreed to a trial separation. "Apparently she isn't as broken hearted as once thought - already shacked up with someone new, fancy house on the coast, new Jag on the driveway, she's doing quite well for herself!" Your chin began to wobble, not unnoticed by Natalie, who placed Jackson in his bouncer on the floor and moved to place a hand on your shoulder.

"I'm fine Nat, honestly I'm good. It was a long time ago, things have changed. I'm not that silly little girl with a crush anymore..." Natalie looked into your eyes. Nothing ever got past her.

"Y/n.. when I said I'd never seen eyes that blue, I meant on a baby. Only one person I know has eyes like that, and I think you know too. Tell me the truth, please?" You were frozen, until tears escaped and you couldn't stop them. Jackson looked to see his mum crying and began crying too. Scooping him up, you held him close.

"It happened once... Just once Nat... And he doesn't know and he doesn't need to know, let's just leave it there, yeah?"

"What?? This is Jim's son? I was almost kidding y/n... How could you keep this from him for 2 years??" She was stood up now in complete shock. Jim wasn't just her friend, he was her husband's brother - this made things even more intense. The atmosphere could be cut with a knife.

"Please Nat... This wasn't easy okay? I was 21, I slept with a married man, and I got pregnant... Then mum died.. I had to go back to London to sort out the funeral and the will... I didn't want to be seen as the homewrecker that got herself knocked up..."

"And what about Jackson? Doesn't he deserve to know his father?"

"Of course... And he would.. when I was ready Nat. And I'm not ready..."

"Not ready for what?" Liam, Natalie's husband was stood in the doorway, as you heard the front door close. Now standing next to him was the man you were desperately trying to avoid... Jim stood behind him, eyes wide at the sight of you with a baby in your arms.

"Baby, we need to go pick up that delivery from the post office, remember the one we missed last week?" Natalie pulled a confused Liam out of the room, leaving his brother and you alone.

"Y/n... Hey.. um.. how are you?" You tried to smile in response but your heart was pounding in your chest, you could barely breathe.

"I.. yeah.. um, yeah I'm okay.." you glanced down at his hand.. the wedding ring was gone. "I'm sorry to hear about you and Olivia..."

"Probably for the best eh... We weren't exactly getting along, just stayed together for the kids I think. They're older now though, they're fine. Y/n.. where did you go? Why did you go?"

"My mum was ill... She'd had a stroke and they couldn't save her, I had to go... I just stayed.. and things happened.."

"You had a baby..." He looked at the little boy in your arms, feeling extremely nervous now. "He must be just over a year old, right?" You nodded.

"13 months.."

"And we... We had sex y/n.. the day before you left..." His own breath was faltering now as the dates in his mind started to catch up. Again, you nodded, tears rolling down your cheeks. The realisation of what was happening dawned on Jim. He started to back away, before shaking his head and storming out of the house, the door slamming behind him making you and your son jump.

Your sobs came out in full force now, Liam and Natalie coming back into the room. Liam took Jackson into the kitchen to find him something to eat as Natalie held you.

"It's okay y/n... Give him time yeah? Poor guys just had the shock of his life, he'll come round." Your heart was sinking.. you hadn't meant for any of this to happen, but here it was. The memory of that afternoon had never left you, you hadn't even been able to move on - your son, for starters, looked just like him, how could you find love with anyone with the constant reminder of the man you'd never have around you 24/7.

Flashback

"I'm so sorry Jim, I didn't know who else to call..." You climbed into his car, cheeks burning as he picked you up from outside the pharmacy. You'd been walking along the road when a pothole in the pavement took you by surprise and you'd tripped, your ankle turning funny - the pain was horrific, but no one seemed to be answering your phone calls when you rang around for someone to come pick you up. Reluctantly, you'd dialled Jim's number, your cousin's brother in law. He'd given you his number the previous week, after offering to help you move into your new apartment later that month.

"No problem, I was just dropping the kids at school so I was only round the corner." He helped you into the car and drove you back to his house. "I figured your place is in boxes, no chance of a first aid kit either, I'm guessing?"

"No," You laughed. "Thank you so much.." you grimaced as you turned your foot round, trying to ease the pain.

"Definitely not broken, just need to rest it. I'll put the kettle on." Jim led you into the kitchen and sat you down at the kitchen table, and grabbed an ice pack from the fridge. Lifting your leg onto the chair opposite, he placed the ice pack onto your ankle. "Feeling okay?" He asked, flicking the kettle on and preparing two mugs of coffee.

"Much better.. thank you." Definitely better.. the physical contact from him was driving you insane, you had to swallow the blushes in your cheeks, praying he hadn't noticed.

"I've only got instant coffee... Hope that's okay - Danielle won't let me buy a coffee machine." He rolled his eyes. His wife was one of the tightest women he'd ever met.

"It's fine, thank you.. and I honestly can't thank you enough for coming to get me.. I can't believe how clumsy I am!"

"Hey those pavements are a nightmare - I'm surprised no one's broken a leg yet! Don't you be moving now, I'll take you back home once that swelling has gone down."

"How did you know how to fix it all?"

"I have a son, y/n, who at one stage a few years ago thought he was an actual superhero and would fling himself off anything to check if he could fly.. you learn the difference between a broken ankle and a twisted one pretty quick!" He laughed, remembering the time his son climbed the tallest tree in the park, giving him a heart attack before throwing himself from the top - luckily Jim caught him before he hit the floor.

"I think it's better now, Jim, I can try and walk." You said, after chatting for a while in the large kitchen.

"Let me help you.." he held your hands and guided you upright, your chests now pressed together as you placed your foot gingerly on the floor, testing it's strength. Stumbling slightly, Jim caught you, your bodies now even closer together. You could feel his heart racing, could he feel yours? His hands wrapping around yours, holding you up, an arm snaking round your waist. You looked up and found him looking right back at you, your face inches from his. Before you had time to think, you kissed him, before quickly pulling back.

"Shit I'm sorry... Oh god.. no... I'm sorry..." He took your hand in his and pulled you back to him, pressing his lips back to yours. This time you didn't pull back, your mouth opening allowing his tongue to dance against yours. Lifting you up, he sat you on top of the counter, his hands roaming your body hungrily.

"I can't... I shouldn't..." He murmured against your neck, the vibrations driving you wild with need. "You're so fucking beautiful y/n..." He ground your hips against yours, you could feel his erection through his jeans as you reached down to cup it through them, kneading it slightly. He growled, pulling your hand up to his chest, his heart hammering underneath his shirt. "You feel that? Feel how fast that's going?" Silently you took his hand and placed against your chest.

"Feel mine...." You pushed his hand down lower.. over your breast... Down your stomach and under the waistband of your skirt. His fingers found your folds, and he gasped your name. "I'm wet... I'm so fucking wet..." Lifting your skirt up, he pulled your underwear down. You relieved him of his jeans and they fell to the floor, revealing no underwear, just his huge, hard cock already leaking.

"I see you are too..." You ran a finger along the slit, taking some of the precum and lifting it to your mouth. "You taste good..."

"You want this...?" He asked, lining himself up against you. You nodded, and he pushed in easily, you gasped his name and threw your head back as he filled you completely. Pulling on your hips, he rocked you against him as he moved his own hips back and forth, fucking you against the countertop. You legs wrapped round his waist as his thrusts came harder, deeper, faster.

"Fuck... Right there... Jim... Oh god...." He bit down on your exposed neck, hands pushing against your still covered breasts, he moaned.

"Feels so good y/n... You feel so good... That's it baby, I need to feel you... Cum for me..." You leaned back, and eyes locked with his you drew a hand down to circle your clit as he moved inside you.

"Gonna make myself cum on you... Gonna cum hard for you... Faster Jim..." He pounded into you now, your moans echoing through the kitchen as you came over him, his release following seconds later. Both of you leaned your heads together as your worlds came back into focus.

Present Day

"Hey."

"Hey.." you'd agreed to meet Jim for a coffee a few days later. He'd called you the evening before, slightly tipsy which made you chuckle. Liam and Natalie were watching Jackson while the two of you caught up.

"How's the hangover?" You smiled, he grimaced.

"Well I've definitely felt fresher.. it was a bit of a shock y/n..."

"Listen.. for what it's worth.. I'm sorry. I didn't know I was pregnant until I was nearly 20weeks. With the stress of losing mum and the funeral, I hadn't had a period for a while but I thought it was just the stress.. then my friend convinced me to take a test and the doctors confirming it.. it was too late to do anything about it.. then I heard you and Danielle were trying for another baby and I just couldn't do it Jim.. I couldn't destroy your life like that.." your hands were shaking. He leaned over and took your hands in his.

"I understand y/n.. I do. I spent most of this week thinking about it. I don't blame you for what you did.. but I do wish you'd told me."

"I'd done enough damage Jim, sleeping with a married man? On his kitchen counter where he makes his kids breakfast? Where his wife makes her coffee in the morning? I couldn't face you.. I couldn't face what I'd done.."

"You know where my wife was, that morning?" He leaned back, smiling a little. "At her office, bent over the desk while her boss fucked her from behind. She called my number by accident while it happened. I didn't answer, obviously, I was busy.. but my voicemail picked up the whole thing. I'd had my suspicions for a long time, but that confirmed it. We were never trying for another baby - that's just what she told people to distract them from the fact we were clearly falling apart at the seams. Couldn't exactly be mad at her after what I'd done with you though."

"Did you tell her?"

"Yes, but she didn't know it was you. Then you up and left.. I thought there was no need to tell her who it was. I guess now we kinda have to, right?"

"Jim, I don't expect anything from you, okay? I have an inheritance from my mum, I'm fine for money, there's no need to be involved if it'll cause you problems.."

"No. You've kept him from me for nearly 2 years y/n, don't do this again, please? I'm not asking you to move in, I'm not asking for a relationship, I just want to get to know our boy.. that's all.. please?" You saw it in his eyes. It was there, for all to see. Was it love?

"I'll call Nat.. ask her to bring him over, maybe we could go for a walk?" Jim smiled, nodding. You made the call, and an hour later you were walking to the local park, Jim pushing the stroller. He took Jackson out of the buggy and placed him inside a baby swing, pushing him gently while pulling silly faces making him giggle. Your heart swelled watching them.

"He's incredible.. those eyes.."

"Your eyes, Jim." He looked up at you and smiled listening to his son's giggle, before he started becoming grouchy again.

"He's teething... Come on little man, let's get you back shall we?" Jim lifted him from the swing and placed his little finger in Jackson's mouth. He responded by sucking his gums along it, finding relief. You smiled, watching Him soothe your son's whimpers of pain as his teeth came through.

Making your way inside Natalie's house, you were surprised to find it empty. A note on the kitchen counter read that they'd gone out for the afternoon, they wouldn't be home until the evening. You warmed a bottle of milk for Jackson as Jim gave him some Calpol. Taking the bottle from you, he fed his son, as you watched, heart pounding as you watched the man you were still in love with take such good care of your baby. Within 15 minutes, Jackson was fed and had been rocked to sleep in his father's arms, you took him and placed him upstairs in his cot to nap. You knew he'd be out for at least an hour after all that fresh air. Walking back into the lounge, you found Jim sat on the sofa waiting for you.

"Come here, y/n..." You sat next to him as he turned to face you, hand gently caressing your cheek. "What are we going to do now?"

"I'm heading back to London tomorrow Jim..." His eyes glistened slightly. He'd just found his son, and now he was going again. He'd just got you back in his life, and now you were disappearing again...

"What can I do to make you stay?" His question took you by surprise. Stay?

"Jim, I..."

"I haven't stopped thinking about you.. about what happened 2 years ago. How long I'd wanted you, how long I'd dreamt of you, how I still dream of you even now.. and we share a son y/n.. I can't let you go again, it'd break me.."

"I'm half your age Jim! I'm barely older than your eldest child, how can this possibly work?" He answered with a kiss. Leaning forward to take your mouth against his, without thinking you returned it, linking your fingers with his as he pulled you into his lap.

"It'll work because we'll make it work.. nothing else matters.. all of that other stuff is irrelevant.." he felt you grind your hips against his and his erection was burning against his jeans. He needed you, now.

"And Danielle?"

"Is fucking a man old enough to be her own father - opinion invalid. I don't care about her, I care about you.. please.." he was aware of how desperate he sounded but he didn't care. He had his hand under your t-shirt against your breast, no bra in the way this time. Lifting you up, he carried you upstairs to the guest room you were staying in, and laid you down softly on the bed underneath him.

"Birth control?" He looked at you, smiling.

"The coil - don't worry, I'm covered this time.." You smiled back as he lifted your t-shirt over your head and kissed you again. The reason for being at the pharmacy 2 years ago was to collect your prescription for the pill - you'd not taken it for a couple of days after running out suddenly. After Jackson was born, you switched to a more efficient form of birth control.

Pulling your skirt down and off, along with your underwear, he nestled his face between your thighs, now parted by his hands.

"I want you to watch me y/n... Watch me as I make you cum..." Your core burning, you raised yourself up on your elbows as he blew a hot breath against your wet folds, causing you to shiver under him. He parted your lips with his fingers, before licking from your pulsing hole up to your clit, finding a rhythm that made you cry out and shudder underneath his tongue. Smiling, groaning into you, you tried to keep your eyes on him as he licked and sucked your throbbing clit in his mouth.

"Jim.. don't stop.. oh god..." You hadn't had sex since that afternoon 2 year ago, no one being good enough to compete with the man currently buried between your legs. No pleasure you'd given yourself since was a patch on this, and you felt that burning feeling in your stomach starting to rise. "I'm close... Mm... Fuck I'm close..." Your words barely a whisper but he heard them, pushing harder with his tongue as a finger entered you, hooking upwards to find that spot inside, the one you didn't think actually existed, but there it was.. you bucked against his mouth, coming hard and fast - you felt your liquids gush over his chin, there was no stopping them... "Aha... Oh god Jim... Fuck... Stop, it's too much..." He smiled, blowing another warm breath over you before moving back to your mouth. You could taste yourself on his lips, turning you on even more.

Flipping him onto his back, you lifted his clothes off him and kissed down his chest. Your core needed a breather before you took him inside you. Licking the top of his now rock hard cock, you slowly sank your lips down, taking him fully inside your mouth. You'd never had a strong gag reflex, and you enjoyed the feeling of his cock hitting the back of your throat.

"Holy fuck... Jesus y/n... That's it baby..." Up and down your head bobbed, swapping between hard and light sucks, your teeth gently scraping the underside of his cock and your fingers lightly playing with his balls underneath you. Every time you felt them tighten, you'd ease off, allowing him to catch his breath, before bringing him into your mouth again. After a few near explosions, he couldn't take anymore and lifted you off motioning for you to sit on him. "Ride me y/n..." You smiled, and sank your pussy onto him, allowing him to fill you. Slowly so as to adjust to his length, your hips moved, back and forth, up and down, finding the right rhythm for you both. He sat up, chests together and his hands under your thighs as he rotated his hips from underneath, driving his cock against that magical spot again.

"Yes... God that feels good... Jim..."

"I'm not gonna last long y/n..."

"That's okay.. we've got plenty of time to make up for this... Cum in me, give me all of you..." You felt his cock twitch inside you as he moved your hips faster. Leaning back, you rode him hard, the bed frame squeaking underneath as you both cried out, your climaxes arriving simultaneously. Coming back to rest your head against his, you clenched your core once more causing him to gasp as you drew yourself off him slowly. Lay down next to each other, he pulled you into his arms.

"Did you mean what you said?" He asked, kissing your head gently. "Plenty of time?"

"I meant it, Jim... I need to get back to London to sort a few things, put my flat up for sale.. my job... But yes. If you'll have us, we'll come back.." you looked into his eyes. He lifted your head to kiss you and you felt it. All the love you thought you'd never find, in the man you thought you'd never find it with.

Everything was going to be fine, you couldn't wait to start your life over again, this time for the last time.

@margoo0 @queenshelby @peakyscillian @cloudofdisney @ntmynouis @being-worthy

[ilove-cedricdiggory]

Collide

George x Hufflepuff Reader

Summary - You and George have a few years difference, but have been dating sense your second year at Hogwarts. But, after he leaves during his 7th year without telling you and his letters stop coming, you assume a break up. After the war, you collide.

Trigger Warnings - Angst to fluff, cussing, panic attack.

Your hand burned with pain, drops of blood still seeping past your bandage and onto the floor as you sat in the Great Hall. You were sitting at your house table, not being allowed to sit with your boyfriend now that Umbridge was around. Not that you wanted to right now anyway. George was the absolute love of your life, your relationship two years strong now. The only problem is that George is overly protective of you.

It never bothered you, you actually loved it. He would make sure the stuck up students in the houses didn't pick on you, that you are properly, and, just recently, you didn't have to endure a punishment with the toad. He couldn't control this one though, seeing as how you had passed out some of your homemade cookies and she assumed they were Weasley products, meaning you broke one of the many new school rules.

You had tried to explain to her that they were normal, warm, homemade snickerdoodles, but you found yourself sitting at her desk writing 'I will not break rules' until it "sunk in". You knew George would just about hate himself if he was an extension of why you were punished - seeing as how she wouldn't have assumed they were prank cookies if you weren't dating George, but you didn't care either way. You loved him, more than anyone or anything (don't tell that to your muggle succulent sitting next to your bed).

George had been eyeing you all throughout dinner, getting Fred and Lee to trying to get your attention. Your hand was hidden under the table, and you waited until the three turned to discuss your mood to jump out of your seat and leave for the common room. You assumed they heard the door open, because right as the door began to close, you heard your boyfriend yell out for you, "Y/N!"

Your speed picked up, moving to the hufflepuff entrance, but his feet were more determined and his hand gripped your wrist, only, the bandaged on.

You hissed out in pain, pulling your hand from his as you eyed him. "When? When did she get you?" His questions were quick and to the point. "Right after you left to rush to potions. I was handing Laurence his batch of cookies and she thought they were..." you trailed off, not wanting to direct tell your boyfriend why you got punished. "She thought they were Weasley products. Shit, y/n, I'm so sorry."

You shrugged it off, not wanting to make it a bigger deal. "It's fine, love. It was bound to happen sooner or later." you reached up to kiss his cheek, but he took a step back. "Bub, it's really okay. Lindsey has some healing potion left over from when she brewed it last and she told me at dinner she's more than happy to give me some. I'll be all fixed up before bed." You reached for his hand, but he brought it to his pockets, nodding.

"Okay, well, get inside and get all fixed up please. I told Fred I'd let him know exactly what was going on with you, and he'll be worried if I don't go tell him." your eyebrows furrowed in confusion. "You usually wait until tomorrow to tell him, what's going on?" You were offended he wasn't going to come in and help you apply the potion, having done the same for him quite a few times.

"I really should get going. I'll talk to you soon." he left a very quick kiss on your hairline, moving to step back. "Okay? I love you." you stated firmly, but watched as he turned around and left you standing next to the entrance to Hufflepuff.

The next day, you found yourself running into the hallway with Ginny, watching as Fred and George tossed their fireworks up in the air and fly around the loose papers, laughing brightly. Fred's eyes met yours momentarily, but looked away quite quickly and moving with George to leave hogwarts in their dust, flying far away from you and all their classmates.

"What. The. Hell?" you turned to Ginny, your best friend, feeling your heart begin to rip. "Y/n, I have no idea. I don't know what just happened." Your breath was shakey as you nodded, moving to your room quickly to send him an owl.

Weeks past and you heard nothing from your boyfriend. Owls upon owls were sent his way, but nothing ever returned from him. You received one letter from Fred, but didn't open it. You didn't want to hear his version of his brothers excuse, you wanted it straight from your love. You wrote to Molly in confusion, but got a letter back with her own. She had no idea you and George had ended, confused with her son's actions.

During that summer, you still got nothing from him. You come to accept that the two of you were over, not even heading to the Burrow until the last week of summer, but your heart broke even more every time one of them looked at you with their sensitive eyes.

You found yourself fighting alongside everyone during the war, having seen their flashes of red hair once or twice. The only moment you had that was noteworthy, was the moment you stood behind the rubble, hearing Fred cry out, and quickly levitating the rubble off of him, conforming he was okay. As soon as you saw people coming to his assistance, you fled the scene, not wanting to speak with George about it.

You watched from across the room as the Weasley's hugged his body, crying tears of joy. Fred was still your brother, no matter if you talked to him or not. The last thing you would ever want was for the world to be without him. After the war was officially over, Voldemort long gone, you found yourself lost again. You wouldn't go to the Weasley's, you didn't know if Fred saw you help him and didn't want to speak to George about it.

You didn't go home, not wanting to try to explain to your muggle parents exactly what happened. Your feet lead you to the hufflepuff room, smiling as you entered it, feeling the warmth still seeping through it's walls.

You stayed behind, helping to rebuild the school. You still had a year left of schooling and you wanted to get as much time in Hogwarts as you could. But, sooner than you expected, you were officially graduated from Hogwarts school of Witchcraft and Wizardry. Your grades immaculate and you quickly found a job in Herbology.

Your office was in Diagon Alley, working in one of the shops. Your job description being to assist students in their search for specific ingredients for potions, but also keeping the ones in the store to their best condition. After about a month, you were surprised that you still hadn't run into either of the Weasley twins, but you weren't complaining about it.

You had met with Ginny a few times for lunch, loving seeing her more than anything. You both were out, catching up on your week with each other. Listening to her go on and on about her love with Harry filled your heart. You were never upset with her for finding her true love when yours slipped through your fingers.

"Were thinking about getting a place of our own, y/n. Harry has been staying with us for the most part, having done it so often before we were together. Now, we might as well." You smiled widely at your best friend, loving how happy she was.

"Ginny, what are you doing here?" Your heart squeezed in your chest, hearing his voice. "Fred?" Ginny looked behind you at her older brother, smiling and standing to hug him. "I'm eating lunch with-" she cut herself off, not wanting to make you uncomfortable. She was the only one who knew about what you did for Fred and how you still felt about George, but never pushed you about it. She had been livid with her brother for leaving you the way he did.

"Uh, with me." You stood, turning to look at Fred. He had a few scars from the rubble that fell on him, but looked just like himself. "Y/N." he breathed out, his face lighting up with happiness. "Holy shit! I've missed you!" His arms wrapped around you quickly, pulling you to him and kissing your head. "Thank you." he whispered in your ear, holding you tighter.

You were confused at his thanks, but sharply exhaled when you realized. "You saw." you whispered back, feeling him nod. "Yeah, I looked for you for a year and a half to thank you sooner, but I couldn't find you. Ginny here wouldn't tell me where you were." You nodded, moving yourself from his arms.

"Yeah, I couldn't really bare to be around, you know." you whispered, looking at your feet. "Y/N, that's beside the point. You saved my life. You did. Even after what we did, even after how we both treated you without telling you, you saved me." This caused you to look up at the twin, who looked so much like George. You were always able to tell the difference, from the moment you met them. You didn't know how, but you could.

"Fred, you're my family. I would save you no matter what, just like you would me." You reached to brush some hair from his eyes, smiling.

"You did what?" It was now George's voice that filled your ears, causing you to turn around and look into his own eyes. "Nope, nope, nope, not doing this. Not ready." You felt your breath quicken, moving to grab your purse and kiss Ginny on her cheeks. "I'll owl you about next time. Bye." You put a few coins down for your lunch, seeing as it was your turn to pay, then moved past Fred quickly.

"Y/N!" All three of them called out for you, but you raced through the streets of Diagon Alley. You weren't immediately going back to work, not wanting them to know where it was. Your feet carried you past a building and into it's alleyway, your eyes clutching closed. This time, you outran him.

"Y/N." he whispered, standing in front of you. Or not.

"No, George. No. No, no, no." Your hands went to grip your hair, squeezing it. You had panic attacks before the war, George knew that, but they increased considerably after it. It had been a few days sense your last, but this one was coming on quickly.

"Hey, hey love, it's all right. I'm right here." He slipped your hands from your hair, moving them to your sides then hugged you tightly. One of the things he learned during your relationship was, holding you as tightly as he could, letting your senses fill with him, helped incredibly. While you wished they wouldn't this time, your body found itself calming down like it did each time in school.

"Hey, it's okay. Come on." He grasped your hand softly, knowing how tired panic attacks left you. Your body was still shaking softly, and you knew if you spoke, you'd be a stuttering mess. He lead you back around and into the shop, causing you to laugh at your own misfortune. Of course you'd try to hide behind his own building. He guided you into the foreign store, you not having stepped foot into it once. Before you had time to register the absolute wonder of it all, he had you upstairs into the flat and sitting on their couch. "Chocolate, chocolate, chocolate, I know we have some."

He had left you to walk into the kitchen, searching for their normal candy, not wanting to make you puke or cause your hair to turn orange. "Ah." he quickly moved next to you, protecting you like he used to as kids.

"George." you whispered after you calmed, keeping your eyes from his. "No, let me, please." He took your hand with one of his, the other guiding your head to look into his. "I was so, so, so idiotic. When you told me about your detention, I thought it was my fault. If you weren't dating me, she wouldn't have ever thought you were handing out products. Fred and I had already planned to leave, but I told him to move it up. I don't know how many times I wrote to you, but tore it up before I sent it. Then, during the war, I don't know how I didn't just walk up to you and keep you protected in my arms. It killed me to know something could happen to you and I wouldn't protect you from it. Now, I'm hearing you saved Fred. You protected yourself and him at the same time. I was an idiot to ever think that you couldn't protect yourself. I was an absolute git for leaving you like I did." you had hardly breathed while he spoke, your tears falling just as freely as his.

You nodded, kissed his cheek, stood up, and apparated home without a single word.

You sat in your own living room, breathing treatment done, your hair pulled up in a ridiculous bun, and your face mask sitting on your face. You had cried your eyes out for hours when you arrived home, but you couldn't let yourself be hurt by George Weasley again. You had your legs pulled up, a book in your hand, as you tried not to cry yet again. The whistle of your tea kettle brought you out of your own world. Setting your book down, you moved to your kitchen. After taking it off the heat, a owl flew into your kitchen, looking at you.

"Y/N, come to the burrow quick, it's Ginny." The words were scribbled in the handwriting of Harry, and you immediately apparated into the living room you spent so long in. Only, the lights were dim, the candles lit, and it just about silent. You heard a muggle record playing, and looked around the room.

"Ginny? Harry? Molly?" you called out, moving to the kitchen. Only, you were met with your ex boyfriend, standing there himself. "I don't know. I got a letter from Ginny saying mom was unwell." He spoke, looking around the kitchen. "I got one from Harry about Ginny." you said, but let out a screech of fear as the doors slammed shut.

"You're not getting out until you make up and promise me I get to be the maid of honor at your wedding." Ginny's voice filled the air, causing both of your eyes to widen. "I'm best man!" you heard Fred call out, causing you to let out a light laugh.

"Guys, let us out." George said, moving to the door. "No, make up, make out, make babies." Fred said, a smirk heard through his words.

George turned to you, looking into your eyes. "I know, were stuck." you said, laughing softly. You felt confused with yourself. While you were absolutely heartbroken with the man before you, you felt as comfortable with him as you did before. "I'm sorry I left you like that. You didn't deserve it." You spoke first, looking at him.

"I kinda did." he chuckled, scratching the back of his neck. "Yeah, you did." you said, looking into his eyes. "I'm so sorry love." He said, moving closer to you.

"George Weasley, I am beyond mad at you. I am beyond hurt with you. You broke me into tiny pieces. You were my protector, my best friend, and the love of my life, and you left me. Without a second look, you left me." You said, looking at him, letting your feeling spill from your lips. "You protected me from the one thing you thought I needed protecting from most, yourself. While you are a complete and utter git for it, I understand." you finally voiced your true thoughts to him, biting the inside of your cheek.

"While I will be so absolutely terrified you'll leave me again without a second look, incredibly insecure of myself every single day, the only thing I want more than anything is for you to kiss me again. And while I can't promise you marriage or kids like your family wants right now, I'm giving you a chance. But George, if you break me again, I will hex you so hard." You spoke, looking at the man.

He didn't speak a single word, but wrapped his arms around your face like he did oh so many times, and kissed you like his entire life depended on it. Collided your faces together, your bodies together, just like your souls did so many years ago.

You collided.

[jenodunno]

Studying

a/n: aish i’m sorry i haven’t written in a while, i have no excuses for myself other that i had no inspiration to write. Anyways i hope you enjoy this cute little story of Jaemin tutoring you hehe

pairing: Jaemin x Reader

warnings: none ?

"How can you even get good grades in this class" You sigh looking at your boyfriend's test paper that the teacher just handed out.

"I don't know," He shrugs looking over at the grade on your paper "But I do know I'm better at it then you" He lets out a small laugh

"Instead of laughing you should be a good boyfriend and help me" You sulk, laying your head on your desk.

Let's just say Human Anatomy isn't the class you do best nor do you even like it, but the sadly you still need to pass the class to no disappoint your parents.

"Of course I'll help you out, love," He smiles looking at you before petting your head "I'll come over after school, like that we can get started"

"Wait, what ? Now ?" You asked in disbelief "I know I asked for help but not right away I want to rest my brain a little"

"Yah...no, the faster we study the faster you'll understand what's going on and anyways the next test is schedule for next week so it's best if you start now, love." He says letting out a small laugh at the end when you sighed once again for like the one hundredth time.

"Fine" You mumble burying your face in your hands.

-

Wednesday at your place, (A week till the test)

"Wait" Jaemin says trying to hold back his laughter while looking at the test you received back from your teacher yesterday because he's a great boyfriend and doesn't want to laugh at your failure "You're really going to tell me you don't know where the esophagus is,"

"No, I know where it is, It's just that-"

"Then why did you put throat instead,"

"Because technically-"

"No baby no, technically it isn't our throat"

“Well technically yes because when we eat food goes down in it-“

“I can tell this is going to be long” He sighs chuckling

“Heyy don’t laugh at me !” You huffed, pushing him lightly “can we take a break we've been reviewing for hours" You sighed

"It's only been 30 minutes, my love," Jaemin says and looks at you with an 'are you serious' face "And I pretty sure we'll need more than that if you don't know where the esophagus is" He chuckles

"You're really not going to let me go for that one" You say getting up off the floor

"Nope" He smiles at you, before kissing you on the nose.

-

Thursday at Jaemin's place, (6 days till the test)

"Maybe you'll focus more at my place" Jaemin mumbles opening the front door for the both of you.

"What's that suppose to mean" You say looking up at him

"I mean that, maybe studying in another environment that's not your usual one might help you focus more" He explains

"I practically live here with you, Jae" You looked at him laughing a little

“Yeah yeah whatever, come on” He laughs stepping a side a little letting you go in first before closing the door behind himself.

After getting settled on the kitchen counter with all the school work laid out in front of you guys and Jaemin to your left you try to pay attention. In the end you actually are paying attention to what Jaemin is showing and explaining to you, maybe he was right earlier....

"So as long as you can try to remember this graphic by heart you'll at least get a 10 out 35 on the test" He says trying to make you feel better

"Yah but that isn't enough," You blow out a breath

"I know it isn't, love, but that's still better than the grades you got yesterday, and anyways I'll try my best to help you" He says grabbing your hand into his own "Anyways let's focus on this chapter, most of the vocabulary and work that'll be on the test is in this chapter, okay ?" He says softly looking at you and when you nod at him he starts explaining.

After 2 hours of studying flying by, you both decide to take a break.

“You know I hope you focused more on what I was explaining to you and not my face.” He smirks before drink out of his water bottle

“W-what do you mean,?!” You answered back in a flustered state “I was paying attention to you.”

“Yeah to me or to what I was explaining,” He chuckles before raising an eyebrow at you “because to me it seemed like you were paying more to me, as in my face and not the work.”

"T-that's not true," You defended

"Come on just admit to it and I'll give you a kiss" He once again lifts the corner of his lips forming a smirk

"J-jaemin !"

-

Saturday at Jaemin's place, (4 days till the test)

You don't know if Jaemin is actually a really good tutor or he is a good tutor because suddenly you can understand things you didn't think you could or at least you think so. I guess you could say you were lucky to have him.

"Are you guys really studying on a Saturday ?" Jeno says walking in Jaemin's house as if it's his own with a basketball in his hands

"Hmm, Oh yeah I'm helping my princess over here not fail for our next test" Jaemin hums a response to Jeno barely acknowledging his presence "Anyways, do you understand the graphics over here, It's explaining how the fluids in-"

"What's up fuckers" Donghyuck says bursting into the living room with a football soccer ball in his hand "Jeez it's literally the weekend and you both are in here studying, tsk, you know it feels really good outside ?" He smirks at you, dropping his weight on the couch "I would say the weather is about 28 degrees with a few clouds and the wind is-"

"You know it's better to stay in here than to be outside with your presences," You playfully glare at him

"Oh come on, stop acting like you hate me when you don't" He laughs before throwing the ball his holding in the air before catching it again.

"Stop being lame Donghyuck," Jeno chimes in "Anyways come on Jaems, It won't kill to take a little break and have fun, right Y/N ?"

"Okay, okay fine how about about we take a small break," Jaemin says getting up before smiling at how happy you looked

Let's just say it wasn't a small break you both took.....

-

Tuesday afternoon in the library (The day before the test)

"I'll never understand why it's so important to learn this, I honestly don't care about the human anatomy and how it works," You whine pushing your folder away from you

"You know your only learning about this because you chose this course" Jaemin says letting out a small laugh at your defeat

"Yeah well I only chose the scientific course because I wanted to have Laboratory but even that is hard and boring, I should have chosen the literature course like that I would of gotten art and I'm pretty sure that is much more fun and less hard than this human body thing. And also I wouldn't be alone because Renjun is there" You ramble out.

Jaemin pauses looking at you, then looking at all the school work flared out in front of you both before letting out a small sigh with a light laugh at the end.

"Look baby, I'm going to be honest with you. I know we've been studying for this test since last week but going the way we are going and the fact that the test is tomorrow, you're going to fail this test, I love you, but there's nothing we can do about it now" Jaemin says looking over at you before you let your head fall on the table with a bang gaining peoples attention. Jaemin just smiles at them before bringing his attention back to you caressing your back

"I knew it, I'm going to fail again and like you said there's nothing we can do" You mumble out lowly with a sigh following at the end

Jaemin doesn't respond but just sits there and comforts you.

-

Wednesday, ( test day )

The moment the teacher handed out the test papers, you knew you were doomed. On the first page you barely understood anything and the second page even less, though on the third page there was the graph that you studied so hard to remember, which you shockingly did. While filling out the graph you started remembering a few things Jaemin had taught you a few days prior.

30 minutes passed by pretty fast before you heard your teacher's timer going off "Okay times up, everyone pens down" He then proceeded to collect everyone's papers before going back to his desk to grade them leaving the class to do whatever.

"So how do you think you did ?" Jaemin says looking over at you, who was staring at the bracelet you were wearing

"Hm ? Oh umm well honestly I'm pretty confident, after I completed the graph suddenly things you had explained came into my head and I feel like I got a lot of things correct !" You say cheerfully. You honestly do think you did pretty well, all the answers suddenly came into your head at one pointed so yeah you are confident in yourself.

"I'm glad to hear that you're confident, It puts me at ease knowing I tutored you well" He smile at you like always

"Of course you did, you're a pretty good tutor y'know now I understand why Jisung always comes to you for help" You laugh softly

-

"Good morning everyone, i hope that today has been a pretty decent day for you all" Your teacher speaks out to the class walking in front of his desk. "Now before you ask yes I've graded yesterdays test, I will now hand them out" Your teacher announces.

"Yay finally, I could barely sleep last night because of this." You giggled cheerfully

Your teacher finally reaches yours and Jaemin's desk handing out your papers. When giving Jaemin his paper, you didn't miss your teacher giving him a small pat on his shoulder before giving you your paper with a small smile on his face. Giving him a small smile back you checked out your grade on the top right of the paper. The moment your eyes landing on your grade, you practically had stars popping out out of them.

With a little squeal of happiness you turn your paper around to show it to your lover with a huge grin on your face.

"Look !" You beamed happily at your boyfriend "Ahh thank you so much" Leaning in giving him a hug

"You're welcome my love," He chuckles looking down at you on his chest, reaching to pat your head "But you do know that having a 14/30 doesn't exactly mean you passed"

But you were quick to look at him and shush him with a finger to your lips "Don't ruin it for me, it's the highest grade I've gotten in this class" As your face changed from having a playful pout on it to having a smile letting a few giggles escape from your lips.