#first chapter of red flags is done and just needs final edits

[chasing-chimeras]

.

[elisysd]

19. And in a blink of a crinkling eye I'm sinking, our fingers entwined

Masterlist - Previously - Next

Chapter soundtrack : So High School - Taylor Swift

Charles let out a scream as his engineer announced the P1 after crossing the checkered flag. Pole position. Finally,  And in front of you, he cockily thought. He was so excited to see your face, to hear your words and your analysis. That was his favorite part after a race. Listening to you commenting on his moves, praising him and calling him stupid when he deserved it. He went through his duties with a smile on his face but was already fully focused on the sprint shootout the next day and the sprint race. When Silvia told him he had a little time to relax before the team meeting, he jumped out of the media pen and ran towards the hospitality. 

You were there, talking to Joris and Antoine, a smile beaming on your face. Joris was the first one to notice him and to tell the group he was coming. You turned around and Charles took a second to appreciate how you looked in your blue jeans overall and cowboy boots. Casual but very on-brand with the GP atmosphere. On his way to you he picked up a cowboy hat left there for decoration, and put it on your head when he got closer. Now, you were perfect. 

“The one-lap king has arrived,” you greeted him, putting both hands on his shoulders to pull him into you. 

“King? Where is my crown, then?” he joked around as he shook his best friends’ hands. 

You left his embrace to take your hat away and place it on his head.

“Here. You look good, now. All sweaty and red with a sparkling cowboy hat.” 

He didn’t notice straight away Antoine snapping a picture of him. 

“Hey! I swear if you upload that picture, you’re fired.”

“And who would make you look good on Instagram?” Antoine shrugged. 

“I can find a new photographer.”

“Maybe but you’re too lazy to actually search for one.”

Charles tried to hit his friend’s shoulder but missed it, making everyone laugh. This day felt good to Charles. He was happy and confident about the weekend, for the first time in months. 

And he was right to be, despite being a bit salty from missing another pole, for the sprint race this time, for a few tenths. But it didn’t last long as your smile and your support were everything he needed to have before the sprint race. He ended up P3, a good result for him, confirming the pace and how he felt driving the car for a few GPs now. But now that the sprint race was over, his eyes were on the trophy and the pole position he wouldn’t easily give up the next day. 

That’s why it hurt him so bad to learn about the disqualification a few minutes after the race. Your smile wasn’t as happy and bright as the day before, replaced by a pitying look and a consolation hug. Austin was a race to forget, like most of them since the beginning of the season. 

The next two races were like a rollercoaster with some highs and some lows. A podium in Mexico and a DNS in Interlagos that had Charles crying in your arms, defeated and frustrated. It had taken a while to make him forget his worries and you were relieved to have a break before Vegas. He needed it. As for you, you had worked tirelessly on your podcast, managing to make a few interviews. The editing for the one with Silvia was almost done and you had managed to talk to Ruth Buscombe who knew Charles very well. It had been an enlightening hour for you and you couldn’t wait for people to hear her words. You also were on your way to book an interview with Claire Williams after Abu Dhabi, you only needed to go over the details. The visuals for your media was also ready and the announcement had been shared online. It had only taken an Instagram’s story from Charles where he had reposted the poster of your podcast, for your media to gain a few thousands followers in a few minutes. Now, you just needed to build up the hype around it before launching the first episode. 

“Still working?” Charles asked, appearing in the kitchen of the villa rented a little outside of Los Angeles, in his swimming trunks.

“I’m almost done. I need this to be perfect, I want it to be interesting for people, I want them to learn stuff…”

“You’re putting too much pressure on yourself.”

“You’re one to talk mister ‘I’m blaming myself for every little fuck ups that are out of my control’.”

“Okay, you won. But you are missing out on something great out there,” Charles shrugged. 

“Is the pool that good?”

“The pool is and the view as well,” he said, pointing at himself to make you chuckle. 

“Give me five more minutes and then I’m all yours.”

Five minutes turned into a whole hour before you finally closed your laptop, happy and relieved to be done with the editing. It was becoming more and more real, now, and you were half excited and half anxious to upload the first episode. You already had a date. It would be the first Monday following Abu Dhabi. You still had a lot of things to prepare before the release date. 

Walking outside you took a little moment to look at the view in front of you. Your boyfriend was playing with Joris in the pool, like two kids, while Andrea was trying his best to make sure they wouldn’t hurt themselves and Antoine was filming the whole scene. You smiled blissfully. If life was always like this with Charles, you would sign up for a lifetime in the blink of an eye. 

You didn’t know how much you needed holidays until you were actually on holiday. Charles had convinced you to leave your laptop on the side for a few days and since then, you had spent every single day, sunbathing with a book in your hand while Charles was making sure you were properly fed. It had even turned into a joke at some point, Joris saying he acted like your personal slave. You  had fun. And you couldn’t remember when was the last time you had felt this carefree. You were walking hand in hand with Charles in the streets, sharing ice cream and fighting over which flavor was the best. For you nothing could beat strawberry when Charles was deeply attached to his good old vanilla. You even went to the Universal Studios where Charles had dragged you and Andrea on the scariest rides. 

But soon, it was time for you to leave for Las Vegas for the penultimate race of the season. You were excited and curious to see what it would look like and you also knew Charles was eager to perform there. He was in a winning mindset and you would lie if you were saying you didn’t find that very sexy. Everything in Vegas was made for tourists and F1 fans, from goodies, to extravagant posters, to people stopping you in the streets to tell you all about the opening ceremony and how grandiloquent it was going to be. It wasn’t hyping you in the slightest, instead it was starting to annoy you. F1 was not a circus, it was first and foremost a sport. But Charles was excited and you didn’t want to kill his mood, so you kept your mouth shut. 

“It’s fun, it’s different! And if it can bring a new audience to the sport, who am I to criticize it?” he told you when you first started to emit some doubts. 

“Max sure has a different opinion than you.”

“But you know Max. I’m not him, I’m more optimistic.”

“You’re an idealist, Charles. It’s both of your biggest strength and your biggest flaws,” you gently smiled at him, while you were adjusting your dress, all dolled up for the ceremony. He sent you an appreciative look when you made your way into the room. 

“Now, seeing you in that red dress might be a good reason to stay there and to skip the ceremony.”

He got up from the bed and took you in his arms, trying to kiss your mouth but you deflected at the very last moment resulting in a simple kiss on the cheek. 

“I spent almost an hour on my make up, I won’t let you ruin it.”

“Fine. If you don’t let me ruin it now, maybe you’ll let me later, right?”

“Behave and you’ll find out,” you winked at him before taking your purse and his hand as you both made your way out of the hotel room. 

Arriving at the track, you were blinded by the lights and the crowd. Soon enough, you found yourself being separated from Charles as he had duties to attend. You wander along the different activities and sponsor stands trying to get yourself into the mood of the weekend. But the noise, the crows, the lights soon left you lightheaded and you decided to isolate yourself. You had almost made it out of the paddock when you bumped into a hard chest that made you look up to apologize. What, or more like who, stood up in front of you made your heart miss a beat and your mouth turned dry. 

“Y/N… fancy, seeing you here.”

“Stan? What the hell are you doing in Vegas?”

“I’m accompanying my girlfriend. Her work brought her here. I thought you could be around but I didn’t think I would see you this soon.”

You didn’t know what to say. He was the last person you expected to come across. He looked the same as before but everything in him was disgusting to you, to the point you wondered how you could have ever thought about dating him. 

“Your girlfriend?” you managed to stutter. 

“Yeah. She is right there, by the way. Roxanne ? Please, come here,” he waved at someone behind you. And when Roxanne stood up in front of you, a cold smile on her face, you felt your stomach drop. 

Because Roxanne was looking exactly like you, despite a few differences. So much that it was uncanny and unnerving. 

Author's note: So this is not my best work and I'm sorry about that. It's a filler chapter. I just hope you still liked it!

Don't hesitate to leave a comment or an ask, as well as reblogging and leaving a like. Besides the fact that I absolutely love to read you, it helps a lot for the story to find its audience. I also have a taglist for this story, so if you want to be added so you never miss a chapter, let me know.

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[redgyl]

I actually wrote this up at the same time as the first chapter, but I held onto it for editing purposes. That's always wise, editing, thinking things through, all that jazz.

Much thanks to @applestruda for creating this AU, and to all the other commentators for their contributions.

Here be Chapter 2 of my version of the "Scar attacks Grian" story. Enjoy!

Chapter 2

“Hey, Scar, could you hold this for a minute?”  The winged man was crouched on the ground, holding a leather pouch up to him.  On the ground in front of him was assorted stuff.

Though the tone and the question were completely ordinary, a red flag rose up in the minds of those who knew him best.  Pearl peeked over, then quickly ducked behind a tree.  Mumbo, who had seen what Grian did, stepped behind his horse and covered his ears, suppressing his laughter.  Only Impulse continued packing his gear like normal, oblivious to the danger.

“Sure,” Scar said, reaching for the bag without the least bit of caution. 

The bag exploded with a BOOM and in a huge puff of gray smoke, thoroughly startling Scar enough to make him scream and fall back.  Impulse jumped and yelled in surprise.  When the smoke cleared, Grian, covered in white ash, hugged his sides like they hurt, laughing like a maniac.

“Geez, Grian!” Impulse exclaimed.  “What was that?!”

Grian was laughing too hard to answer right away.  “Oh, that was good,” he managed between gasps.  “So, so good.”

“Gr-GRIAN!” Scar finally shouted, wild-eyed and shaking.  He was sitting up, cuddling and petting Jellie like his life depended on it.  “What the hey — What WAS that, Grian?!?”

“Lava salamander scales, ground up and mixed with an anti-fire powder,” he finally answered, wiping a tear from his eye.  “So you wouldn’t get burned, just scared.  Oh, that was glorious!  I knew I could count on you to hold it.”

Mumbo peeked out from behind his horse, smiling.  “You’re a bad, bad man, Grian.”

“I know, and it’ll all catch up to me,” Grian impishly finished the light-hearted lecture, drawing the “all” out.  “Bad karma, all that.  But I was bored, so …”

Mumbo stifled another laugh. “How can you be bored first thing in the morning?”

“If I waited until evening, your guard would be up.”

“Oh, it’s ALWAYS up with you around.”

“Everything’s alright, Jellie,” Scar continued muttering, petting his familiar.  “He’s not going to hurt you.”  Then Scar started laughing, and everything was all right again.  He looked at his ash-covered armor to Grian’s.  “You’re all covered in ash.”

“Yeah, I didn’t mean for it to go off so soon,” Grian said, brushing off the ash before gathering all his things into his travel pack.  “Didn’t have time to get away.  I’ll need to fix the timing of the explosion better.  Can you help with that, Mumbo?”

“No way,” Mumbo said, though flattered.  “I’ll have to keep SOME of my secrets safe.”

“Ooh, nothing is safe …”

Before too long, they were on the road again.  At some point during the day, Scar had spooked Grian’s horse, sending the steed careening through the woods with Grian barely holding on and Scar laughing.  No harm done, and the pranking scales had been balanced, so all was well.  The forest seemed to go on forever, then it finally opened up into a huge meadow.  The flower-covered field was a welcome sight after all of the endless green, brown, and gray shade of the trees.  By then, the sun was already setting, so they set up camp.

The next day woke bright and beautiful, except that Mumbo found that Grian had hidden his travel pack while he slept, while Grian took his turn to stand watch.  Mumbo said to go on ahead, so the rest rode on slowly, Impulse and Pearl taking the lead, as Scar and Grian lingered.

“What’s with the canaries?” Scar asked Grian.  There were three small songbirds riding on the smaller man’s shoulders.

Grian looked grouchily at the creatures.  “They’re finches. Pesky birds …”

Scar chuckled, a strand of his hair turning pale.  “You’re like a fairy tale princess.”

“Not really,” Grian said, glaring at the birds.  “The fairy tale princesses could actually talk to the animals and get them to do useful things.  These birds are just annoying.”

He felt a darkness, then.  It was a deep, supernatural darkness, one that physical eyes could not see.  He followed the sense of it with his inner and physical eyes, finding himself staring into the trees they were approaching.

It was just the very specific type of danger he had made a pact to combat.  He was certain Pearl could sense it, too.

All business, he didn’t notice the birds taking off.  With a start, he saw Jellie zip ahead, making the fastest beeline for the place where the spiritual Darkness was at.

He didn’t have time to connect the dots about what happens whenever Jellie leaves Scar’s side.  Something hard and fast hit the side of his head.  Painful stars exploded in his vision and brain, and he, thankfully, knew nothing else.

~~~~~~~~

Grian was right:  Pearl felt the deep Darkness up ahead.  She took a sharp intake of breath, and her hold on her scythe tightened.

Impulse, who couldn’t feel it, noticed her movements.  “Pearl? What …”

Just then, Jellie dashed past them both and disappeared into the trees.

“Jellie?” yelled Pearl.  She paused and looked back.  “No, Scar!”

Horses screamed shrilly back in the clearing, prompting impulse to also look back.  His blood ran cold.  He saw Scar in his Vex form, shattered crossbow in one hand, a limp winged knight held by the ankle in the other.  Grian’s horse had taken off at a fast gallop, its eyes wild with terror.  Scar’s horse reared back, screaming and shaking its mane, eyes rolling in horror.

Pearl made a split-second decision.  “I’ll get Jellie back!”  she yelling, spurring her horse to go deeper into the woods off the trail.

“Right!” Impulse acknowledged, wheeling his horse around to face Vex-Scar.  “I’ll get Grian!”  He dug his spurs in, and his warhorse charged forward.

Scar’s horse started bucking, and the monster on its back let go, hovering in the air on his own set of ghostly wings.  Grinning fiercely, Vex-Scar dropped to the ground, slamming Grian hard.

Then Impulse and his steed was upon them.  In an instant, Vex-Scar phased into the solid earth to dodge the horse’s hooves, which was exactly what Impulse hoped for.  The knight reined back hard, careful that Grian didn’t get trampled as he stopped right next to him.  Knowing that Vex-Scar could attack straight up through the ground any moment, Impulse jumped off his horse, scooped up the light avian, and climbed back onto his steed.

He took a brief moment to check on his limp companion.  The side of Grian’s head was bloody, and his skin was deathly pale.  But Impulse could see his a faint movement under the skin of his neck, where a vein pulsed with a heartbeat.

‘He’s alive,’ Impulse thought, relieved.  ‘How did this happen so quickly?’  Putting off the question to explore later, he shifted his hold on Grian to a more secure one, and spun his horse around to try and get him out of the clearing before Vex-Scar resurfaced.

“Wait for me,” a raspy voice called behind him, a voice so unlike Scar’s usual smooth baritone.  Impulse urged his horse into gallop, ignoring the command.  He looked back to see Vex-Scar rise out of — and off of — the ground, its eyes fixed on Impulse’s back.  Then he spurred his horse forward, giving it its head.

They almost reached the trees when Impulse felt a grip on his shoulder.  Vex-Scar grabbed ahold and yanked, pulling Impulse and his limp cargo off.

Impulse swore as he rolled to his feet, drawing his sword.  “Scar, wake up!” he called, holding his sword at the ready between him and the monster.  “I don’t want to fight you!”

Vex-Scar grinned diabolically, but his eyes shifted from Impulse to Grian.  Horrified, Impulse realized what he was going to do, and surged forward to attack.

Vex-Scar lunged at the unconscious knight.  Impulse intercepted him just in time, slamming him to the ground with the flat of the heavy blade as the Vex’s claws gouged Grian’s chest plate, the big man’s attack making those claws fall short of their intended target.  Vex-Scar immediately fell through into the ground, Impulse’s sword bouncing off the hard dirt and grass.

‘He’s targeting Grian!’ Impulse realized, feeling a lump of cold in his gut.  Quickly, and not nearly as gently as he would have liked, he scooped Grian up with one arm and slung him over his shoulder, holding his large sword one-handed.

Vex-Scar slashed upward where Grian had been just a second before.  The monster’s eyes locked laughingly onto Impulse’s face.  “You’re a quick one.”

“Nah, you’re just slow.”  In Impulse’s peripheral vision, he saw Mumbo riding hard over the flowery meadow.  Involuntarily his eyes flicked that way, then he made a point to look the other way.  Eyes back on the vexed creature, heavy sword held at the ready, he sidestepped toward the forest, hoping the floating Vex-Scar wouldn’t see the rider in the clearing.

Vex-Scar chuckled, an unpleasant, rasping sound.  “You should have run.”

There was no more room for words.  Vex-Scar dove at him, giving a barrage of slashes and strikes with a speed and power far stronger than his own.  Impulse blocked and stumbled back, shielding himself and Grian as he kept the monster’s eyes fully on him, backing away deeper into the woods.  Every block sent a shock through his arm, threatening to knock his only defense loose.

A tree root betrayed him, and he lost his footing.  He fell back, almost dropping his sword and his companion, the tip of his sword on the ground and the hilt above his head.  Laughing with sick glee, Vex-Scar almost struck again when Jellie leaped into his face.

He started to a halt, all his attention now on the ghostly, friendly, little familiar.  His eyes already regained their natural dark color, and his skin started losing their glow, and color was starting to seep back into his hair, starting at the roots.

“Jellie!” Vex-Scar said in his raspy voice.  “Where have you…”

Right then, Mumbo beaned him over the head with his small rocket launcher, knocking the man clean out.

[h0n3yk1tt3n]

4 17 22

4. How many fic ideas are you nurturing right now? Care to share one of them?

I think for simplicity's sake I'm gonna say.. three. Tales From The Lagniappe, Pink Foam on Play Night, and the newly renamed freshman fic My Kingdom For a Whole Lotta Bullshit. TFTL is still pretty loose, MKFAWLB is still mostly comprised of old ass crumbs from 2018-2020, so here's a snippet for PFOPN

A simulated hand gave him a pat on the shoulder. “That’s your cue, slugger,” the SQUIP almost sang. Jeremy swallowed thickly, voice wavering. “She’ll do whatever I want.” “That’s what I promised.” It sounded so innocently proud of such a horrific feat, like a cat that'd brought a dying bird to the doorstep, the poor creature’s blood staining the concrete as it struggled to cling onto each weak breath it took. But the cat didn't know that its act of affection wouldn't translate the way it thought it would. Or it didn't care; you could never really tell what was going on in the cat's head. 

17. Do you write your story from start to finish, or do you write the scenes out of order?

Oh out of order as fuuuck. The Swamp Fever campaign (ch 14-17) of L2C was closer to being finished than Dead Center (ch 2-5) for a looong time before I finally focused more on finishing the chapters chronologically so they'd be done in time for posting.

22. Choose a passage from one of your earlier fics and edit it into your current writing style. (Person sending the ask is free to make suggestions).

Um. Funny story, that's like. Exactly what I'm doing with PFOPN and MKFAWLB lol. Pink Foam is a spiritual rewrite of The Play-centric chapters of my first fic and My Kingdom is going to completely overhaul what I was planning to do for this. (I was debating on whether to add onto this fic like it hasnt been 6yrs since ive touched or to just start over and rewrite the first couple of chapters. For archival purposes, im leaning toward the latter) So. Uh. Lemme see what I've got!

The SQUIP didn’t even need to actively fight Michael to make it difficult to give Jeremy the Red Dew, as his pained writhing was more than enough to make the task near impossible. It might’ve been easier to wrap him in a blanket burrito just to keep his limbs from flailing around, like he were a skittish cat that needed to be held still for a vet. But Michael didn’t have a blanket or some readily available equivalent, and straddling Jeremy wasn’t getting him very far, so the best he could do was try and restrain him from behind. This was more effective at keeping Jeremy still when it was a full body effort, but it didn’t give Michael the freedom to actually get the bottle open, so the victory was hollow.

A recently familiar clickity clack caught Jeremy’s ear, and thankfully Michael’s too, as he was waving a hand trying to flag down a certain popular kid on crutches. The context of Jeremy being locked between Michael’s legs on the ground was clearly lost on Jake, but they couldn’t really complain when he hobbled over to see what all the commotion was about.

“Jake! This is gonna sound weird, but if I hold down Jeremy, can you make him drink this Mountain Dew Red?” Michael tossed the bottle up to Jake, watching him catch it out of the air.

Jake looked between the bottle and the two of them for a moment, then flashed an annoyingly charming smile that anyone attracted to guys would swoon at. “Actually? That doesn’t sound weird at all.”

Thank fuck for chaotic theatre nonsense expanding Jake’s horizons on what constituted ‘weird.’

“Up, up, down, down, left, right, A.”

Jake hissed and winced at some internal pain - one that Jeremy immediately knew the cause of when he felt it too - bringing one hand up to his forehead. He grinned unnaturally wide and unscrewed the bottle's cap with just his thumb and index finger. Carbonation escaped with a fizzy hiss as the lid clicked against the ground and rolled under a prop dresser. Pastel soda foam poured over the lip of the bottle like a baking soda volcano before Jake turned the capsule upside down, letting all the Red Dew come down like a bloody waterfall with several glugs in rapid succession.

[aohendo]

Hallo there and happy STS, my friend!

Today I'm asking a question about editing: Once you're done with a first draft, what's your editing process (timeline, software, other writer/reader feedback, etc.)?

Happy STS, @aschlindartroom!

I love editing. There. I've said it. I love editing. Getting the content down is nice, yeah, but making it work is something special.

Answer's long so it's below the cut. I'm happy to share pics or examples or explain anything in more depth, if anyone would like!

Throughout my first drafts I leave notes for myself in <<triangle brackets>> because they're easy to search. My first task after completing that first draft? Searching for the triangles and sorting out whatever I was complaining about/flagging for later. This normally takes a hot minute.

But yay, let's say I finally got through the triangles! Now it's onto the "to do" list in the project's Onenote. These are things which would have been in-text triangles, but I realized would need to be fairly major changes (as in, outside of that particular page or chapter). Accomplishing these to-dos takes even longer than dealing with the triangles, often requiring rewrites, restructuring, and continuity searches.

Finally I've completed those to-dos! This is where I take a pause to scribble out the plot and put it on some sort of structure. For Attenuate/Reverberate, it was an 8-step hero's journey. For Prince for Hire, it'll probably be Save the Cat. Usually my plots don't exactly hit the main beats, so that's something I flag to work on during draft two.

Okay, we've got out plot scribble out, our notes and to-dos fixed, and we're ready to go. Time to reread and make more triangle notes, and more to-dos. I'll re-read the entire draft in its entirety, pausing occasionally to throw in comments of things to fix, emotions I'm missing, areas to clarify, etc. IE, it's death by triangle note again. This is the moment where if a scene or section is just absolutely not working/accomplishing what I need, I'll open up a new word document and rewrite it. I'll keep the OG version open on one half of my screen (to save the good parts), but then I will make the scene accomplish what it needs. This serves to tighten the pacing and ensures I hit my plots and subplots, as well as my worldbuilding.

Draft two has been thoroughly noted-up and rewritten (as required). Time to go back through and fix those triangle notes. Again, this takes a hot minute, and may result in more rewriting.

Let's say I've finally finished with that. Now comes the fun part! I tend to be very wordy when I write, which jacks up my pacing. This next edit is the "destroy it with a chainsaw" edit. I change the font to something easily readable (like Open Dyslexic or Comic Sans), I set that spacing to 1.5 or 1.75, I pop by the local office supply store and buy a three ring binder, and... I print it. The entire thing. All 600ish pages.

From there it's a classic hack-and-slash edit. I like using pink pens because I think it's funny to use something not red, and green is far too serious. I look for redundancies. I look for sentences which are just too long and winding. I look for unnecessary descriptions (or descriptions which are simply stage directions). I look for overly verbose dialogue. I look for anything confusing. I slash through them.

This is mostly a subtractive edit. That said, it'll happen that I end up hand-writing entire pages to fill random gaps, or to clarify things, or whathaveyou.

Okay, we're finally done this "destroy it" edit. The next bit is fairly logical: I take those handwritten edits and I apply them to the digital manuscript. This is then what I term draft three.

In draft three, my primary focus is clarity. Does the plot work, does it make sense, and are the characters' actions logical? Are there any areas I still have mentally flagged as "not what it should be, and I will be able to fix it on my own"? Draft three is for ensuring I have the manuscript where I want it to be.

If I've got the manuscript to the point where I can't fix it any further without outside input, I set it aside for a week and use that time to search out a critique partner. We'll arrange a manuscript swap (usually via Google Docs), let each other know our harshness tolerances and things specifically we're looking for, and then we'll go for it. Treat their manuscript like your own. It needs care, and it needs love, and it probably needs some help, too. If it didn't, they'd be querying/readying for self-pub rather than working with a critique partner.

In my mind, critique partners are more like an editing buddy than a beta reader. Beta readers read from a reader perspective and share their reactions, while critique partners read from a writer perspective and share their techniques. I've learned so much from previous critique partners, it's absolutely astounding how talented they are.

After draft three's been thoroughly torn apart, and if I agree with what my critique partner suggests, I'll go in and try again. Fix it. This becomes draft four. Usually, there's so many significant changes after editing the digital version of draft four it's worth printing again for another subtractive edit. This print and destroy edit is the same as the original one, and once it's all tapped up again, it becomes draft five.

Draft five is usually where I feel confident in the manuscript, and this is where I'll look for beta readers. Basically, I want it ready to publish before I send it out to sample readers.

Anywho, that was long! Like I said up top, I actually love editing, and would be happy to go more in-depth/share examples/pictures if anyone would like me to :)

[mskimkaty]

Quit | J.JH

Angst, Smut, fluff (little bit on the end)

Synopsis: You might think that some people who did you bad have little impact in your life, tip toeing from situations that you knew could repeat the same mistakes but there will always be that one person who will destroy all your resolve and you’ll find yourself fucking your rules for them.

Word Count: 7.1k

A/N: love u all. pls enjoy! (not really proof read)

Edit: uhmmm pls don’t judge me but this is actually my bf and my story of how we met to how we become couples. Alright. Enjoy!!!!

You hated how you didn’t take “searching for college schools” seriously, and now, you’re all but stuck for the rest of your college years in the same school you graduated from High school. You know it’s a good school, having to be in the top 7 elite schools all over the country that has an institution that offers all levels of education— but you honestly don’t care about that right now. You wished you didn’t choose the easy road in finding a good college because now you’re stuck with a university that has zero-base for their grading system, 75 marks as their passing grade, and put their students with fully loaded units— having up to 30 units per semester. How Asian can it get?

 Fourth-year high school wasn’t your year, when a particular boy, Jeon Jungkook broke your heart. He was a close friend first before he became someone more than that, you told yourself not to be involved with the likes of him in any way, you first meet during your junior year by a mutual friend—Joy, your best friend, was in the same class as him, thus, the reason the both of you became close.

 Joy warned you about him and you knew because that’s what you told her base on your first impression on Jungkook, but you still tested the waters. And that’s how you broke your heart for the first time, you let yourself trust him despite all the bad things that you heard about him, you ignore everything because you were happy around him, but you were tired of having a relationship without a label and the fact that he doesn’t want you to be seen together speaks so much. You went on a retreat for 3 days in your senior year as it was a requirement for every graduating students by your catholic school, you weren’t going steady per se, but you still talked nonetheless, as he was getting busy with basketball, and you, having the cheerleading competition around the corner, training, exams, and graduation. You both have so much on your own plates.

 You kept on seeing red flags— the way he’s not responding to your calls and messages for a week, you haven’t really seen him around the school as varsity players have their own retreat, and when you saw a photo posted in his Instagram account with a girl in your year. She was a transferee, that’s all you remember after receiving a text message of him saying sorry. You hated how forgiving you can be, you hoped you can be tough and talk back to him— but no, you never had the chance to say what you wanted to say to him. You just let everything go. You can’t even ask someone to comfort you because of the fact you were a secret. You didn’t even know why you agreed with that kind of set up in the first place. Why did you choose something temporarily for a piece of mind? You hated how easy you can get sometimes, but you closed that chapter in your life after cursing him for months in your head and some Friday night parties until you graduated High school.

 And now, you’re in your second year of college and very much single. You received a message from Seulgi, saying that she needs to cancel your plans from eating out because of a midterm exam that got rescheduled she was your best friend together with Joy, Irene, and Wendy since high school but college happened and the five of you went with different schools except for Wendy and Seulgi who enrolled at the same University. You have a heavy sigh, it’s not that you don’t have friends in your own department, you do. It’s just that all your girlfriends have classes and won’t be done until 3 in the afternoon— and you’re very much hungry.

 You saw a very familiar face exiting the lesson hall next to yours and you’re quick on your feet to hide behind the walls of your classroom.

 “Y/n, I’ve already seen you, you know.” Suh Johnny stands beside you with Ten beside him smiling at you, you three both did your handshakes after getting drag out of the room. “Have you eaten already?” Ten asks and you shook your head. Johnny put his arms around your shoulders and the three of you walked out of the campus to eat out.

 “Oppa, what’s that?” you asked Ten preferring to his phone when you all settled down while Johnny browses the menu on what to order. “Jaehyun asked if he can join.” He says to the both of you, you look at Johnny as you both shrugs. Jung Jaehyun was once an IT student, he shifted after a year into your department and incredibly smart in mathematics. He was instantly everyone’s friend in your year.

 “I’m cool with him,” Johnny says and they both look at you. You’re not really fond of everybody and not entirely friendly with everyone. You’ve been close with Johnny and Ten who were much older than you only because you knew them since High school. “It’s cool.” You muttered.

 “But you wouldn’t be comfortable around other people, though.” Ten commented. They were completely aware of your introverted ass. They know what happened to you during your fourth-year high school, not only with Jeon Jungkook but the fact that all of your female classmates during your senior year made you an outcast. You honestly find it funny now, since you know that you have four amazing friends who stuck with you through thick and thin. You wished you had taken up the opportunity when Seulgi asked you to join her for hunting college schools before graduating High school so that you can be with her throughout your college years, but what’s done is done, what happened to you in the past brought you here right now and made you who you are. It wasn’t a problem for you— you like having the quality over quantity. You like how your circle of friends isn’t that big, too many people in your life can cost you too much trouble in the end, you know that because you’ve already experienced it first hand, having many people in your life will only lead you to disappointments.

 You weren’t familiar with Jung Jaehyun, per se, you just had a class with him during the second semester of your first year of college, that one professor you disliked so much teaching algebra instead of business mathematics and had the audacity to fail you. You hated how you got a failed mark while Jaehyun passed the subject despite his absences, you acknowledge him for having a big brain when it comes to numbers but you still find it unfair how he passed and you failed, you wished you could be as smart as him. You first met him when Mark introduced you to him after your Psychology class, you were talking with Mark about your Final output for the subject when he came up to Mark— fist-bumping, while wearing a white hoodie and black jeans, had those big Nike bags that you knew Basketball players uses, his white sneakers clean and you look at yours— completely worn out and definitely needed a new pair.

 He was smiling at you, eyeing Mark while waiting to be introduced to you. That got you rolling your eyes at him unknowingly, making him slightly intimidated with you. You shot Jaehyun a fake smile— he was cute, charming, tall, and obviously another varsity player. God, your skin starts to crawl, another varsity player is being too friendly with you. You bid Mark goodbye, and that was the start of your acquaintances with Jung Jaehyun, he was everywhere, becoming the Mr. Congeniality of your Department in no time when he shifted after a year in Information Technology.

 The three of you waited for Jaehyun to arrive before ordering your lunch, you waited for another minute before the door opened and Jaehyun walked in wearing a black long tee and denim jeans paired with his clean white sneakers. He settled down beside Ten who was in front of you and you started to become uncomfortable. Johnny and Jaehyun decided to get your orders and you were left with Ten in your booth.

 “Y/N, Jaehyun’s a good guy, you already know him for half a year, why are you still uncomfortable around him?” Ten asks you as you heave a heavy sigh. It’s not that you're uncomfortable around him because of your trust issues, you’re uncomfortable because clearly, he’s your type, and you’re not comfortable with the idea of it, you know he already had a girlfriend, you saw his wallpaper for a second when he put it down on the table before locking it. “I’m not. It’s just that—Oppa, can’t I be shy around people?” you countered, Ten looked at you funnily. “Don’t kid with me, y/n- ah. You guys both have International Cuisine, right?” he asks and you nod. “Then, you’ll be around him more often from now on, loosen up, He’s a great guy, if he did something to you, just tell me and Johnny and we’ll take care of it for you.” he flashed you a smile and you brush it off while giggling at him. “Thanks, Oppa, but no thanks.” You say and the two came back with two trays full of food. “It’s on me.” Johnny settled down next to you and you shoot him a grateful smile as the four of you started digging.

 “Are you throwing a party for your birthday?” Johnny suddenly asked, you nod at him and he muttered a small okay while your eyes darted at Jaehyun— it would be totally rude not to invite him for your birthday party when the topic is already laid on the table. Plus, he was looking at the three of you intently, seemingly out of place with the subject of the conversation. “Jaehyun, you should come on my birthday, It’s on the 19th, just some drinks and food on me, nothing too grand.” You find yourself saying and Ten and Johnny were shocked that you invited him. you clear your throat and continued “Can you guys ask everyone? I haven’t seen Yuta, Jungwoo, and Taeil Oppa but I already asked a bunch of people.” You added. They all agreed. “Thanks for inviting me, I think I don’t have anything going on that day,” Jaehyun commented. “Sounds like a plan.” You say and the four of you continued digging in.

 That night on your birthday, everything made a 360-degree turn in your life. Having 23 boys in your flat and some of your girlfriends turn out to be so much fun. When you run out of drinks you find yourself on Jaehyun’s passenger seat as the two of you drive to the nearest store to purchase some alcohol— You and Jaehyun seem like the only person sober enough to walk and drive your way outside the comforts of your home. You felt really comfortable around him, he hasn’t made a move on you or anything, and you think that maybe it’s because he already had a girlfriend and is faithful to their relationship.

 “Why didn’t you bring your girlfriend with you?” you asked just to start a conversation. “You knew?” he asked you while throwing you side glances, you nod your head yes. “It’s kind of complicated, plus, we're not official.” He continued which made you shocked, he was being open with you shockingly. “What? Why?” for some reason, it made you really curious. He gives you a heartily chuckle “It’s complicated.” You only nod.

 When you came back to your flat, you and Jaehyun were left to sit together, Mark and Haechan were completely out of it, while Joy and Irene are having a conversation with Jisung and Chenle. It’s nice to see them conversing with each other. Johnny was busy preparing the drinks with Yuta, Taeyong, and Seulgi, while the others are setting up the karaoke on your flat screen Tv hanged on your living room’s wall.

 You thought that was the last time you’ll see Jung Jaehyun, or you thought that was the last time you’ll be together in the same room as well as be at the same table together. You forgot that you both have classes together, that you’re practically in the same department, you honestly forgot that you’re both in the same circle of friends.

 You’ve been closer with the guys as time goes by, they were nothing like the people from your High school, they were honestly cool to be with, it just that, they like to unwind sometimes, and that “sometimes” means every Friday of the week, unwinding with drinks and such. This time, Jaehyun was the host, and Jungwoo together with Taeil managed to dragged and convinced you out of girlfriend nights. You have been hanging out with them more than usual and you were getting closer with Jaehyun, particularly, you keep on looking for him at gatherings and he kept on looking out for you. There was an unspoken mutual understanding between the two of you, you know it was wrong, even if you find yourself giddy and happy when he messages you or when he calls you before you go to bed when the two of you meet in between subjects just to eat together. You knew you were repeating the same mistakes as you did with Jungkook, and you can’t help but fuck yourself because everything is wrong at the same time feels right. How screwed can you get? Why do you always choose temporary happiness over a peace of mind?

 That night, when most of the guys left to go home and some of them left to smoke outside, you find yourself alone with Jaehyun in his living room. You poured him and yourself a shot, the guys were surely taking their time outside. “One-shot.” You tell him and you both down the tequila in seconds, hissing at the taste burning your throats. You stared at him, thinking that you have to start distancing yourself from him, you don’t want to ruin what he had with his girl. Your stomach turns just by thinking about the possibilities of ruining someone else’s relationship. You were better than that.

 You move your gaze away from him, you were about to pour another shot when you felt Jaehyun’s warm hand on your neck pulling you closer. You felt his warm lips on yours, it was sweet and warm, burning you within, but the taste was anything but sweet— you tasted the tequila out of his lips as he licks your bottom lip that got you responding to him, you closed your eyes and find yourself fucking your boundaries for him. You wrap your arms around his neck as he pulls you closer by the waist, rubbing small circles on your skin. You break the kiss as you put your forehead on his, trying to catch your breath. He was about to kiss you again when you move your face away from him, trying to put some distance away from him. “Did I do something wrong?” you heard him saying. You wipe the smudged lipstick on your skin below your lips as you face him. “Jaehyun, you’re not completely single.” You said. “But I’m not in a relationship either, I told you months ago, it was complicated.” He sits beside you properly, a hand clamped together as you look at him.

 “Jaehyun, this is non-negotiable. I don’t want to ruin someone’s relationship.” You say, and Johnny walks in. you poured yours and Jaehyun’s shot glass clicking with his before downing it in one go. If Johnny felt the thick air between the two of you, he doesn’t comment on it.

 You choose to forget what happened when all of the guys started walking back inside. Started conversing with Johnny about this student in your department that got kicked out of the university because of some issues. You got your self a couple of drinks before standing up to head to the bathroom, but since it was your first time at Jaehyun’s house you ask him where it was, plus Lucas was incredibly taking his time in the bathroom so Jaehyun leads you to his room instead. “Just use mine, Lucas is taking forever.” He said. You nod and head for the bathroom in his room. His room was surprisingly clean and very much boyish in your opinion, the walls are painted blue, his bed covers are white and was neatly done, the cabinets are on the side while a bunch of basketball trophies is beside his computer.

 When you were done with his bathroom, you find him sitting at the end of his bed, browsing his phone while waiting for you. “I thought you already went down,” you said. Jaehyun looks up at you. “Can I look at your trophies?” you asked him and as he walks to you and standing beside you to look at his achievements during his High school days.

 “Wait, you went to Santa Clara?” you asked him. “So, you know, Jeon Jungkook?” you asked shocked at the information when he said as small “Yes. Why?”

 You shook your head and muttered nothing. “We went with some tune-up games in the past, but I know him, he and his group keep on hitting on our cheerleaders it was kind of funny.” He says to you and you laughed. “What’s new, but— wow, what a small world.” “Oh, that’s right he graduated from St. Vincent, right?” you turn your head at him and you see Jaehyun looking at you while waiting for your answer, you only nodded your head, not having the gusto to talk about Jeon Jungkook at the moment. You felt Jaehyun’s hands circling around your wrist, turning your body against him making you look up to him.

 You were completely drawn to him, from the way he pulls you closer by the waist, the way he lifts your head as he put his other hand to your face, he has you completely wrapped around his fingers. You felt his lips doing wonders to you and this time you let him kiss you. You find yourself wrapped around him for the second time. “Jaehyun—”

 “Hmm.” You felt him deepened the kiss as he pulls you impossibly closer, hips to hips pressed together and you hated how right it felt. “We need to go down.” you tried to push him away but he won't budge. Jaehyun, slips his thumb just above the exposed skin on your hips, rubbing small circles that got you moaning “If you haven’t noticed, I’m actually crazy for you right now.” He says under his breath and you felt warm all over. Jaehyun has his brows furrowed, his expression as if he was hurting all over the place, and you laugh at him. “Fine, I’ll spend the night here.” You hear yourself saying and Jaehyun only pulled you closer for a hug.

 When the night ended, Jaehyun tells the guys that he’ll be the one to give you a ride and no one suspects it— agreeing to him and biding the two of you goodbye while the two of you cleaned up the living room. Moments after, you find yourself having second thoughts about staying the night with him. You know this will only lead to you on Jung Jaehyun’s bed. “Do you want to go home?” he asks you as if reading your mind, and you shook your head. “But can we go grab some late snacks? I’m kind of hungry.”

 The both of you drove to McDonald's and ordered some take-outs, Jaehyun drove to a good spot and parked his car, handing you your orders after putting on some good music— fit for the atmosphere. “Ohhh, this is actually good, huh.” You say while smiling at him. Jaehyun put your drinks in the cupholder between the both of you and handed you some tissues after. The warm feelings are back and you hate to admit that he gives you butterflies in your stomach.

 “I mean, this could be our thing, y/m.”

 You didn’t comment on that. Digging into your burger as a distraction to the strange sensation that you kept on feeling. You were quietly eating your food while having mixed feelings about him. you know this familiar feeling— you’re not stupid enough not to know your catching feelings and that you’re starting to fall in love again.

 When you finished up, you turn your body towards Jaehyun, deciding to confess, it’s better to be turned down than to keep on catching feelings for someone who isn’t going to return it at all. It’s not like you to be so brave, in the past, you always wait and that was the problem. You wait until the opportunity slides away from your fingers— from you. Deciding to risk everything this time, you braced yourself for the rejection.

 “Jaehyun.” You started and he turns his head towards you. “You know, I like you, right?” you continued. “You’re not stupid and you know there is something going on with the both of us.” Silence feels inside his car to the point it got so thick you can even cut it with a knife. “I may sound like a bitch but you have to choose between me and her.”

 “Remember when I told you on your birthday that my relationship with her is complicated?” you nodded your head. “I wasn’t lying about it. We’ve known each other for a while and it’s been eight months that time when I wanted to take our relationship to another level.” Hearing him talk about some other girl and the fact he wanted to make their relationship official hurts you in so many ways possible. You find yourself nodding at him as you ignore the lump in your throat. “But she won’t even admit that she likes me, not even one “Thank you” for all the effort I’ve given her, I understand that saying she loves me is a different level, it’s an understatement, but you know, I’m just someone who also needed affections. I don’t understand her for being so high maintenance.”

 “I actually talked with her personally this morning.” He continued. “Was that the reason why you’re absent?” you asked mad over the fact that he was absent for some uncalled reason. “Okay, let me finish before you get mad at me, baby.” You hate how endearing that sounded but you let him talk anyways. “I told her, I was done waiting and that I was sorry that I didn’t keep my promise.”

 “You actually courted her?” you asked and he nods. “Yeah, she is high maintenance and stupid.”

 “And you know what she replied? She says that she’ll say yes to me if that will make me stay or shut my trap, even, you know how the thought of actually agreeing to that one person to be together was gone just for the benefit of the doubt? She should have said yes from the beginning, I don’t have issues with waiting, I waited for almost a year, I know I can do it again, but not like this.” He moves his hands in the air just to set his point. “Was it my fault that I fell out of love?” He asks you and you turn your head away from him, guilty with the fact you are the reason he fell out of love with her. “Y/n, just give me time, I don’t even need that much.” He says and you nod your head.

 When both of you got back to Jaehyun’s flat, it was already midnight, Jaehyun handed you his white clean shirt and boxer shorts to change in to. Giving you some privacy that you needed while he brushes his teeth downstairs. So many things have been running through your mind for the past hour, Jaehyun didn’t turn you down but he didn’t say that he likes you back, either. So where do you stand in his life? You should have gone home; you didn’t want the same mistakes you did in the past to be repeated, but you were tired of waiting and beating around the bush.

 Confessing to Jung Jaehyun that you liked him first made you feel naked around him, having your feelings out in the open. When Jaehyun walked in you were still dazed, thousand of thoughts running through your mind. This wasn’t the first time that you’ve to spend the night with him having sleepovers at Johnny’s or the others but this was definitely your first time spending the night with him.

 It wasn’t an issue for you to sleep beside him since you already confessed, anyway. And in no time, you slip off to dreamland instantly, shocked at how comfortable you are with having his arms around you as you drifted off to dreamland.

 You stir in your sleep when you felt Jaehyun’s hands all over your upper body as he peppers your neck with wet kisses. you fight the sleepiness and look at his nightstand to see that it’s only been two hours when you drifted off to sleep. “Jae, It’s only three in the morning. Can’t you do this later?” you asked as you fight the sleep in your eyes. You felt Jaehyun’s hands hover around your left mound, squeezing it slightly and you look at him fully. “You agree on doing this later?” he asks out of breath.

 “You expect me to fall asleep when you’re on my bed in my clothes?” he whispered in your ear and you moan when his fingers slip in your undies— rubbing circles in your clit. “Already this wet?” Jaehyun continued his ministration on you, adding another finger inside you while he kisses you on the lips. You felt him retract his fingers away and you were about to protest when you felt him lift your shirt just below your chin, your mounds completely in view and ready to be played with. His hands went back on your thighs as he separated your left leg from the other, urging you to open your legs more. His fingers are back on your clit, drawing small circles that made you clenching on nothing. Jaehyun frowned when he felt your walls incredibly tight when he inserted two fingers at a time. “Baby, so fucking tight.”

 Jaehyun throws his shirt over his head and helped you undress, completely impatient, and you tried palming him just to get a reaction. You heard him grunt lowly, shocked at how big he is when Jaehyun got rid of all the clothing. “That won’t fit on me.”

 “Where’s your casual bravado at?” he asks as he pulls you to his lap. You look anywhere but him as your cheeks started to flush. “Don’t tell me— are you a virgin?” you nod your head at him as you felt his cock stood out more to the revelation. “Fuck, well take it slow, baby.” Jaehyun guided you to his lap as you ride him, moving your hips as you coat his dick with your juices. You have your bottom lip trap between your teeth as you let his dick slide in your pussy’s lips. Feeling embarrassed but desperate you tried to push yourself back to meet his hips as you whine with the newfound sensations. You look so lewd above him riding his cock as your tits bounce from your movements, your eyes start to water from the thrill Jaehyun gives you. “I need to hear you.” Jaehyun pushes the messy strands of hair that frames your face.

 You moan at the feeling of his veiny cock sliding in between your pussy’s lips. He hums, pleased with your sounds around him, and rewards you by inserting his fingers all the way inside you, the numbers doing wonders and stinging you a bit, but it still felt better than having to clench at nothing. Jaehyun marks you up all over your neck and just above your mounds, flesh to flesh as you moan for him. He pumps his fingers in and out of you as you ride his cock continuously. He gathers you in his arms and lays you on your back, pulling your thighs against your chest, keeping your legs spread as he pushes inside you slowly, grunting. “I wasn’t planning on putting it inside, but you just feel so fucking good.”

 You cried at the stretch, slowly tearing you apart as he moves inch by inch just to be inside you fully. When he’s all the way inside of you, his breath leaves him in a shaky sigh, and he takes a couple of moments for the both of you before he started moving. You know Jaehyun was holding back, as he focusses on your breast as they bounce up and down in a humiliating manner as he pushes into you slowly for his liking, while his hands keep your legs spread wide for him, you felt embarrassed and humiliated with the way you’re positioned under him, but you can’t help every moan that escapes you as it started to feel amazing more than a while ago. The sting you felt was gone and all you can think is the pleasure that he gives you.

 “Fuck, you’re tightening up.” You turn your head to the side, trying to bury your face in the pillows around you as you hide your face from him, but Jaehyun doesn’t allow it, he bends down— his upper body draped over you, his face mere inched from yours, the new positions has his right hand pulling your right leg further upwards, thigh pressing harder against your chest. “Say it, baby. I need to hear you.” His gaze pierces through you, ordering more than asking you to obey him, and you find him looking sexier as he looks even as his skin glistens and how some strands of his hair started to stick over his forehead.

 Docilely and submissive, you answered him. “I- I want to cum, please.” You sounded so lewd; you didn’t even recognize yourself anymore. His gaze doesn’t free yours as his hips started to pick up the pace. “Do you know how hot you look right now? Spread out on my bed with nothing but my cock in you? fuck, fuck.” You started clenching around him as he put his thumb on your clit, drawing circles as you cry out his name in ecstasy.

 He fucks you through your orgasm, grunting as your walls get even tighter, making it harder for him to keep on moving inside of you but that made him ravish you more with fervor. Your orgasm feels like it will never end as he drags it out in order to reach his own high, finally, his hips stutter as he pulls out of you and pumps his dick more as he comes in your stomach and breasts.

 When he was done, he moves away from you and walks to the bathroom, you heard the faucet running and Jaehyun came out with a wet, warm towel in his hands and uses it to clean up the mess the two of you made. When he’s done, he tosses it to the side and scoops you in his arms, covering both of your naked bodies with his blanket that smells like him. He had you trap in his arms and sure it felt good to be treated like this, the feeling new to you.

 “Sleep, let’s not think about what happened for now.” He murmured and you agree. “I’m sorry.” You heard him say. You look up at him and see different emotions flickers in his eyes. “Honestly, I’ve seen this coming, I’m not usually like this but I always find myself fucking my rules just to be with you.” Jaehyun pulls you closer to him. “That’s because you liked me.” He told you before you drifted off to sleep for the second time.

 The next morning, Jaehyun give you a ride home, you— being awfully quiet after realizing everything that happened when you saw the bloodstains in his bedsheets that morning. You didn’t utter a word throughout the ride, reality downing to you one by one. Did you just sleep with a guy who wasn’t your boyfriend in the first place? When you got in the comforts of your home you smack your head for the stupidity. You knew how boys can be, and you just give Jaehyun the chance to have his way with you easily without a fight.

 When a day passed by without seeing even a shadow of Jaehyun, you sent him a message asking what was he doing. You waited for hours but you didn’t get a reply from him that day. You’ve been overthinking things and didn’t have the energy to be productive at all, you tried calling him but he wasn’t answering at all. The next day came and you checked your phone for any notification from him but there was none, you were about to get up when you heard a car honking in front of your house— you walk towards your window and there, you saw Jung Jaehyun, standing beside his car in your front yard, smiling up at you with his hands tucked inside his jean’s pockets. You ignore the raging butterflies in your stomach and hide the blush creeping in your cheeks with your hair as you give him a bashful smile in return.

 When you came down after washing up and getting ready for school, you kissed your mom goodbye saying you’re skipping breakfast and will just eat out in the café next to the University. You run to Jaehyun, his arms open and ready to catch you in his arms— and you embrace him. “Haven’t heard from you yesterday.” You push your self a little away from him to see a smile playing at his lips. “I miss you too.” He answered and for some reason, cat got your tongue.

 “It’s still early, do you want to eat out?” Jaehyun asked you when you both settle down inside his car and you nod your head after checking your wristwatch, you still have two hours to kill before your classes start, it’s Tuesday, so the both of you are packed up with your chef’s uniforms in your bags.

 “I hate cooking.” You tell no one in particular as Jaehyun started to drive away, “But you’re the top in our department.” you only give him a glance as you relax your body.

 When you arrived at the café next to your University, it was still spacious as it was still early, most of the time students would fill the room up, studying or just talking with their peers. You both settle down on the booth next to the window— Jaehyun, ever the gentlemen ordering and buying you your food. “Jaehyun, I really appreciate you spending your money on me, but next time let me pay for my own food.” You say when he came back with a tray of pastries and coffees in his hands. “Why?” he asked.

 “Because it’s your money, and we’re still students you know, we shouldn’t spend recklessly.” Jaehyun was bewildered by what you said and it was clearly written on his face. “Why?” you asked scared that you might say something wrong. “It’s just that, I was used to spending money for her even if I get to eat nothing as long as she gets hers.” He says. You felt horrified after hearing that. “No way, if you ran out of money, you say it and I’m going to pay for us, all right?”

“You sure you haven’t been in relationships?” there was a bashful smile playing at Jaehyun’s face, “No, it’s called basic manners, Jung Jaehyun.” You laughed at him. “So, I haven’t heard from you at all yesterday.” You watched as Jaehyun sipped at his iced americano— nodding at you as if you’ve stated the obvious.

“I ended everything with her, what she said doesn’t really sit on me right. I didn’t take her to be that hypocrite in the first place.” Jaehyun started. So, he was with her last night, you think, but not in the way that you think, he meets with her to cut and finish everything between them. “I just hate that every time we fought, she would always turn the tables around, guilt tripping me so I can admit that I’m wrong when she also has her mistakes in the first place. Don’t think that this happened because of you, it started happening before you even came, I don’t want you to beat yourself thinking that you ruined my relationship with her, because in the first place there’s no relationship between us.” You nod your head and all you can do is listen.

“Do you regret everything that has been happening?” you asked as you hear your heart beating rapidly inside your chest, you look at him and he did the same. “No. You happened unexpectedly, but no, I don’t regret you.” you fought the tears away, feeling the warmth and comfort inside, this has never happened to you, someone choosing you over anything, and you can’t help but tear up.

“Why are you crying? It’s not me who’s choosing you but you’re the one who is choosing me. If you haven’t noticed a lot of guys wants to be with you, so I’m really grateful that you liked me instead.” Jaehyun wiped the tears that threatening to fall down your check and pulling you close in his arms after. You put your head in his arms, everything feels surreal and if ever you are dreaming you don’t want to wake up anymore. “I really like you,Y/n.” you look up to him laughing as you cry harder, all this baggage and walls gone because of one person.  

That was the start of your relationship with Jung Jaehyun, all those crazy days and nights with him, long drives and Friday nights, eating and pigging out with him, he knows you more than the back of his hands, he knows that you get moody every month, he knew about your introverted ass, he knows that you can be basic and simple at times— you don’t expect too much of him and he does the same with you, on your first year of being together, you introduced Jaehyun to your whole family on your reunion day and they instantly love him— specially your brother and cousins. They enjoyed talking to him, and you’re honestly surprised at how welcoming you parents are to him, asking him to sleep over, Jaehyun and your brother having the same interest, playing computer games until the sun rises, His mother sending a box full of apples to your mother because he mentions that it’s your mom’s favorite.

Sometimes you get scared of breaking up with him, fighting isn’t something that the both of you can avoid, there are times the you just want to strangle him to death, but that makes everything real, being jealous and having make up sex, all those time the both of you fight for something trivial, those moments make your relationship stronger. And now you’ve been with him for the past 4 years, going steady and strong.  

“Babe, you ready?” you both settle down on his car, you just finish your final exams for this week, you and Jaehyun are up for a 2 hour long drive to get to your vacation house, most of your family are already there since this morning and the both of you have to finish your exams and classes first before joining them, you nod your head at him as he pull his jacket over his head and handing it you. Jaehyun knows that you get easily cold but you don’t want to turn the heater up and make him suffer as he tends to sweat a lot, that leads you to having his hoodies stack up in your closet.

“You have to cut your smoking off you know it’s not good for your health.” You say as you saw him scratch the back of his neck, a freshly lit stick in his mouth, when the both of you started going out you have seen him smoke a couple of times to the point that it got you curious and tried it, you have been smoking in the past but you cut it off as it was unhealthy. Jaehyun on the other hand finds it hard. “old habits die hard.” He told you once.

“You got to compromise, baby.” Jaehyun blew the smoke outside— his window rolled down and one hand on the stirring wheel, you got to admit though, your boyfriend looked hot. “Fine, what do you suggest?”

“Marry me after we graduate.” Your head snap back to look at him, as you waited for him to laugh and say that he was joking. Jaehyun throw the cigar outside reaching for the rubbing alcohol to clean his hands, you tend to hate the smell that clings to his hands whenever he smokes. You were awfully quiet, shocked at what he said, and you found yourself caught in your thoughts.

“If you promise to be with me forever, until the day that our hair turns white, then I promise to cut my smoking off.” He smiled at you, reaching for your hands that was placed in your lap as he pulls it closer to his mouth to give it some kisses. You can’t really say anything as tears started to fall one by one, you we’re just so happy that he thinks of being together with you for that long. “I know I’ve done so many things that disappoints you, but you still choose to be with me, and for that, I’m really grateful. So, I’m asking you this right now, I know we still have to graduate and we still have a long way ahead of us. And I would still have to buy you the most beautiful ring in the world. What I can give you right know is my hopeful words— promising you that I would be faithful and love you until the end, so are you going to say yes?” he asks while holding your hand.

“Yes.” the both of you laughed at the situation as you reach out to kiss him in the cheeks. “Babe! Stay seated or will get into an accident” he shouts but laughs with you.

You definitely don’t regret falling in love with Jung Jaehyun.

  Fin

[nanowrimo]

5 Tips for Finishing Your Novel

April’s session of Camp NaNoWriMo is drawing to a close, and you might find yourself nearing the end of your novel. If you need some tips on writing and polishing the ending of your story, author Derek Murphy is here to share a few! Plus, you can check out the rest of our novel-finishing resources on our #NaNoFinMo page. 

You won NaNoWriMo and have a 50k collection of scenes and sentences, but how do you clean it up and get it done? How do you make sure it’s finished, satisfying and enjoyable? Here are 5 powerful strategies for finishing your novel and some helpful writing tips that will push you past the finish line.

1. Give it a satisfying resolution.

In order to have a powerful story, your book should probably focus on a main character’s change or transformation. There’s an inner war, a.k.a. the character’s emotional healing, and an outer war: the conflict that forced the reckoning. If it’s a purely symbolic internal realization, you can mirror that with actual conflict in the real scene: the breaking of a dish, a fit of rage, a sudden ray of sunlight (or a storm… this should not be pleasant; It’s a breaking point and spiritual death/rebirth).

You can clarify the moment of change by setting up an illustrative contrast, a before and after, that shows how those internal changes have resulted in real-world consequences or benefits. Each character’s unique challenge will match their personal weakness or fear. The price for victory is the one thing they have so far refused to do, or something they cannot give up or bear to lose.

Make sure your protagonist has gone through a transformative struggle to arrive at deep insights, knowledge or awareness. Find a way to deepen the incidental scenes so that they become instrumental to a deeper purpose, leading towards an identity-shifting event.

The plot is what happens, and it’s important. But you can make it more dramatic and meaningful by making sure you demonstrate how hard it was and what it cost. It matters, it is remarkable, because it forced your protagonist to change.

Your conclusion might include:

Physical tension as allies perform a tug-of-war battle against resistance, that shows how difficult this struggle is, and how much force is required.

The consideration phase, as characters are tempted last minute or the price for victory is revealed: the sweet memories that give them awareness that this fight is worth the cost or risk (you need to show them making the choice, knowing what they will lose).

The final flashback, as the full backstory is revealed so we can see exactly why this conflict is so difficult or meaningful for the main character.

2. Add (unresolved) conflict.

Your story is made up of the events and scenes, where something happens. Each new event will push the characters further into the plot. Slow scenes where nothing is really happening can be red flags, so the first thing to focus on is increasing conflict, drama, suspense and intrigue. This is what creates urgency. The full reveal, demonstrating why THIS challenge is so difficult and powerful, should happen just before the final battle or resolution.

You want to make sure every scene, especially in your conclusion, has enough conflict. I recommend these three:

Outer Conflict (threats): Challenges or obstacles that prevent the character from achieving goals.

Inner Conflict (doubts): Moral struggles, decisions, guilt or shame, anger.

Friendly Fire (betrayal): Strong disagreements between allies or supporting characters. 

You want to extend and deepen the potential conflict, without resolving it too easily. The biggest destroyer of conflict is conversation: when your characters just sit around and talk to each other. Most conflict involves a lack of information, and a desire for clarity. A lot of conflict is perceived or imagined.

The most important information needs to come last, and come at a great price. The information that has an emotional impact, and influences their actions and decisions, should be big reveals at dramatic peaks. A surprise or twist should be treated as an event: each scene is leading towards a change or new piece of information that provokes the protagonist to respond.

3. Fill plot holes with character motivation.

After you’ve made sure that “what actually happens” is intriguing (opening questions and raising tensions without resolving them) you can focus on making sure the plot holes are filled, and characters are properly motivated – these two things are usually adjacent.

You can find and fill plot holes by asking:

Why are the characters doing this?

Why does any of it matter?

Basically, readers need to respect the main characters enough to care what happens to them, so their choices and actions need to make sense within the given information. If there’s a simpler, easier solution, readers will get stuck up on “why didn’t they just…”? To fix plot holes and gaps in logic or continuity, or make the story go where you need it to, you can add urgency, fix the mood of the scene (bigger stakes require bigger justifications), show characters in a weakened mental state, or raise concerns but have them dismissed, with an excuse or justification.

You need rational characters to make plausible choices that lead to dire consequences. You need show why they don’t do something easier, or nothing at all, or why they face clear challenges, despite potential obstacles.

They’ll also require a deeper motivation, for why they’re willing to put themselves in identity-destroying conflict, rather than just giving up or running away. Why do they stay in THIS fight, when they’ve run from similar ones? If they weren’t ready at the beginning, why are the ready now – what changed in them, as a result of your story’s journey?

Your protagonist needs to have a strong, consistent internal compass, and it needs to be revealed through incidents that establish their character. This is who they are. Without this reliable core identity, we won’t be able to tell a story that forces them to change. 

4. Let readers picture your story with detailed description.

In the final stages of revision, you can begin improving the description with specific details.

It’s smart to start – or end – a chapter with a vivid, immediate scene. You want to leave readers with an image they can see in their minds, hopefully connected to the feeling you aim to evoke. You can close a chapter with a reference back to a motif or image, with a deeper or more reflective context; applying meaning to the metaphor. This will help readers feel engaged, be moved, and leave a lasting impact.

Vivid scenes are mostly a matter of detailed description, so add the specifics about the story environment. Be precise, not vague. Instead of “she put a plate of tea and snacks on the table” you can write “she gently placed an antique porcelain teapot on the table. I could smell it was Earl Grey from the scent of bergamot. The half-sleeve of Oreos and can of onion-flavored Pringles seemed incongruous with the fancy dishes, but I knew she was making an effort to welcome me.”

Focus on the sensations and feelings; but also zero-in on any potential sources of conflict or internal emotions or states of mind. In my example above, the host might be nervous or ashamed of her spread; or perhaps she has a degenerative brain disease and doesn’t notice the incongruity. Tensions are unspoken, potential sources of negative feelings. They hover in the background of your description.

Readers will remember the pictures you put in their heads, not the words on the page.

Description should serve and be bound to the story, not distract from it.

It should be squeezed into and around the scene action, when the protagonist is using or exploring.

Show what’s different, not what’s the same.

Leave space for readers to fill in the gaps, but get them started in the right direction so they aren’t surprised later.

Sidenote: be careful about your metaphors, analogies and similes. Each one will put a picture into readers’ minds, and it can quickly get overcrowded with imagery. You’re asking them to ignore your real scene and think of something else. Use them to confirm and amplify the scene you have, and limit distractions.

5. Prepare to publish.

Typos are bad, but perfectionism will ruin you. This section is about editing and proofreading, but I don’t have time for all that, and you don’t either. The real problem with a story is rarely the number of typos. A very clean book isn’t better if people stop reading.

You can solve a lot of common writing problems, with my big list of 25 common writing mistakes, and self-edit your manuscript to make it as good as possible. After that, a copyeditor or proofreader isn’t always the best investment (and it can also be the biggest publishing cost).

Instead, use an editing software (I like Grammarly) to root out obvious mistakes, but don’t dwell on the small stuff like perfecting every word or rearranging the commas. Spending a very long time wrestling a poorly-written manuscript in shape is less effective than getting something (actually) done to the point where you’re comfortable sharing it.

This may be difficult at first, but you can’t learn and improve without genuine reader feedback (from people who aren’t your mom or best friend; nor the short-sighted opinions of a self-proclaimed literature enthusiast). You need to find readers who enjoy your particular genre, and the sooner you find them, the more valuable feedback you can get.

Shorten the feedback loop: Get over the fear and focus on learning by getting feedback early and often. However, this doesn’t just mean joining a writer’s club: writers are brutal and might focus on trivial things. The safest bet is to make it public, on Wattpad at least. Or get a cheap cover and throw it up on Kindle, Draft2Digital or even your own blog.

Making it public is scary and vulnerable, but it’s better than letting the fear of messing up keep you from the brutal, necessary experience of allowing readers to tell you what they liked and disliked about your writing. Will some people be critical? Yes! But guess what, you’ll get negative reviews even if you’re a brilliant, famous writer. Those are inevitable. And the first negative reviews may teach you more about writing than 10 years attempting to self-edit, afraid of putting your book out into the world.

PS. You can use resources, like my 24-chapter plot outline, as a way to spot story gaps in your manuscript and improve the structure (especially if your book suffers from a “soggy middle.)

Derek Murphy has a PhD in Literature, writes urban fantasy and is the founder of the alliance of young adult authors. More recently, he’s started sharing writing tips on http://www.writethemagic.com

Top photo by Adegbenro Emmanuel Dipo on Unsplash.

[awhitehead17]

100 ways to say I love you - TimKon edition:

Number 92: “I want you to be happy.” 

A/N: This chapter was inspired by Imagine Dragons song, 'One Day.'

Enjoy! :D

The cryptic, yet concerning, message replays in Kon’s mind as he lets himself into the apartment. The journey over has been torturous as several scenarios ran through his mind on what to what the implication of the message could mean. Typically his thoughts jump straight to the worst case scenario options although he’s quick to disregard them because he doesn’t want to be thinking about those.

‘Check on Tim, it’s been four days.’

As well as the message not having any details to it, the fact it came from Stephanie raises red flags all on its own. Steph never messages him. They have an odd relationship, one of which is awkward when they’re in proximity of one another yet they stay civil, it’s a non-spoken thing between them that they’re friendly for Tim’s sake.

Kon tried calling her back but it only ended up going to voice mail. Feeling frustrated and confused, Kon left Kansas immediately and headed for Gotham hoping everything isn’t as bad as he’s thinking it could be.

Not knowing what to expect Kon enters his boyfriend’s home cautiously. When he enters he finds the place encased in darkness and it’s quiet like no one is home. Shutting the door behind him, Kon toes off his shoes and adventures further into the apartment. He first checks the living room and finds it vacant, he goes through to the kitchen which is also empty before finally making his way to the bedroom.

Just like the rest of the apartment the bedroom is dark too however with his enhanced sight, Kon can make out the lump on the bed from where he’s standing in the doorway. Kon’s heart drops at the sight and everything finally makes sense. They couldn’t reach out to Tim because Tim didn’t want anyone reaching out to him.

Had he known what was going on, Kon would have stopped by Tim’s apartment a lot sooner than now, he honestly thought his boyfriend was nose deep in a case that’s why they haven’t been in contact this week. Oh how wrong he was. Guilt instantly eats away at him, while he had been galivanting around Kansas playing with farm animals, Tim has been cooped up in this room suffering all alone.

He can’t change the past, what’s done is done, all that matters is how he’s here now. He’ll hopefully be able to provide Tim with some comfort and give him the reassurance that he isn’t alone.

Kon steps towards the bed and when he reaches the mattress he carefully sits down on the edge, being sure to not jostle it too much. He leans over the bundled form and takes in the way Tim’s got the covers pulled right up to his face, the way he’s buried his head into the pillow underneath him and the fetal position he’s in.

For a while Tim doesn’t acknowledge his presence. Not knowing what to really do, Kon lays a gentle hand on Tim’s covered shoulder and squeezes it lightly. “Tim? Hey buddy, talk to me. What’s going on huh?”

Tim doesn’t respond to him so Kon shakes him a little, trying to rouse him to respond but not forcing the issue. While this seems to get a reaction from Tim, it’s not exactly one Kon had been after. All his boyfriend does is huff and grips the covers over him tighter.

Not deterred by the lack of response, Kon moves to running his hand up and down Tim’s arm. “You  can talk to me Tim, you know that right?” Kon says softly. “Whatever is going on you can tell me, you don’t need to keep everything locked and sealed inside yourself Tim.”

Underneath his hand Tim shifts but doesn’t move out of his curled position. “I can’t right now Kon.”

Kon frowns at the response. Despite him kind of expecting it, it’s still heart-breaking to hear. Tim’s in a vulnerable position right now and Kon needs to tread carefully, he doesn’t want to make it feel like he’s ganging up on Tim by trying to force him to talk, but he wants Tim to know he’s there no matter what.

Continuing with the stroking motion of his hand, Kon asks, “is there anything I can do for you?”

Tim lets out a long sigh and underneath the covers Kon feels his shrug.

“Do you want me to go? Would you like to be alone?”

Of course that’s the last thing Kon wants right now is for Tim to be alone even more than what he has been already. He asks out courtesy, knowing sometimes when he’s like this Tim prefers the solitary atmosphere. If he does want to be alone Kon won’t go far.

“No.” Comes the mumbled answer.

“Would you like me to stay by your side?” Again Kon asks out courtesy, when it’s situations like this it’s always best to be as clear as possible to make sure there aren’t any misunderstandings. Just because Tim apparently doesn’t want to be alone it doesn’t mean he wants Kon right next to him.

“No.”

Kon thinks about this for a moment. Not that it’s Tim's fault, but his boyfriend isn’t really making this an easy situation to deal with. He doesn’t want to be alone but he doesn’t want Kon to stay.

After a moment of thinking Kon comes up with an idea, he leans over to tell Tim this. “I won’t be far, I’m just going to be in the apartment alright. If you need me I’ll be in hearing distance, if you want to get out of bed and join me then that’s completely fine too. I’m just on the other side of that door.”

He doesn’t get a reaction from Tim, not that he was expecting one. Kon gives his shoulder one more squeeze before getting up and leaving Tim’s room. He’s planning on staying in the apartment until Tim tells him otherwise. If it’s been days that means the place will most likely need a freshening up, it’ll give Kon something to do and then afterwards he can attempt to get Tim to eat something as well. He doubts his boyfriend has had anything substantial recently.

Kon takes his time tidying the apartment. He opens the windows to allow fresh air in, he clears the mugs scattered all over the place and he clears the sink of the array of dishes that’s built up over time.

It’s when Kon’s in the middle of making dinner Tim makes his appearance. Kon is both surprised and pleased with his presence, he honestly didn’t think we would be leaving the bedroom that day. It’s amazing he’s been able to get out of bed.

Kon’s at the counter chopping some vegetables when two slender arms wrap around his waist. Wordlessly Kon shifts to accommodate the new weight leaning against his back and continues with the food preparation.

Moments later Kon hears Tim mumbling behind him from where his boyfriend has his face buried in his shirt. “I’m sorry.”

Kon frowns at the vegetables he’s chopping. “What for Tim? You have nothing to be sorry about.”

“For being difficult, for being a burden.”

“Hey,” Kon chides gently, he reaches up and squeezes Tim’s arms, “you are not a burden. Not now not ever. You’re going through a tough time and that’s okay.”

“I’m always going through a tough time.” Tim mutters unhappily.

Kon squeezes his arm again before carrying on with the task at hand. “I know it feels like that right now but we just have to try and take each day as it comes and eventually it’ll pass. I’ll be by your side the entire time.”

When Tim doesn’t say anything Kon feels a jolt of anxiety pass through him. His earlier thoughts coming back to the front of his mind. While he had been cleaning he was thinking about Tim and what may have caused this recent depressive episode.

Dipping into his own insecurities Kon’s mind came up with an answer that their relationship has caused it to happen. After all he didn’t even know Tim was feeling low, he hadn’t been paying enough attention to his boyfriend, Tim didn’t want to spend time with him, perhaps Kon is forcing himself on Tim when it’s too much for Tim to handle, Tim’s only with him because he feels obliged to be.

“Kon?”

Kon’s snapped out of his thoughts when Tim calls his name. He looks around to find Tim now standing beside him leaning against the counter staring at him worriedly.

Forcing a smile Kon asks, “sorry what?”

“Are you okay?”

“That’s my line,” Kon jokes lightly. Tim doesn’t look impressed.

“Kon.”

Kon sighs and turns his attention to the vegetables in front of him, all of which were now chopped up. He moves about the kitchen starting the next steps of getting their meal sorted. He glances at Tim as he works, as much as he dislikes the idea of speaking to Tim about this when he’s already feeling low he knows that he needs to talk about it. Communication is key after all.

“Please be honest with your answer Tim, and I will totally understand either way, just as long as you’re honest.” Kon speaking starts nervously. “Is our relationship too much for you right now? I mean with everything going on and how you’re feeling I don’t want you to feel obliged to stay with me when you may be better off focusing on yourself first.”

Tim stares at him with a shocked like he couldn’t believe Kon just asked that question. When Tim still hasn’t said anything after a while Kon begins to really worry, he has no idea what Tim’s response is going to be.

“Are you being serious?” Tim exclaims suddenly. “I can’t believe you asked me that! Kon you honestly have no idea how much you mean to me, how much our relationship means to me. You are the thing that keeps me going everyday Kon, I know sometimes it doesn’t seem like it but it’s true. You feel like a breath of fresh air compared to what I face in Gotham every damn day. You brighten up my darkest days Kon.”

Kon blinks at him, now he's the one feeling a shocked. He didn’t realise that’s what their relationship meant to Tim.

“Is our relationship too much for you Kon? I understand that I can be a handful to deal with, especially when the depression hits.”  

At that point Kon couldn’t do anything other than stop what he’s doing and go over to Tim to pull him into a tight hug. Tim goes along with it willingly and they stand there together for some time.

Kon leans his cheek on top of Tim's head. “I love this more than anything Tim. As I said, I’ll be here by your side no matter what. Good days and bad. I want you to be happy. I didn’t know if I was helping with that or making it worse.”

“You make everything better Kon, I’m always happy with you, even when sometimes it doesn’t seem like it.”

Kon hums and sways them side to side gently. “I’ll do my best to keep it that way.”

Tim lets out a small laugh at that and that sound alone makes Kon feel a hundred times better. He presses a kiss to Tim’s hair before letting his boyfriend go. He glances at Tim and the ingredients he had abandoned on the side.

“How are you feeling? Fancy helping me make the stew, though if you want to lay down I’ll understand.”

Tim sends him a small smile. While he looks exhausted Kon could see a spark of interest in his eyes. “I’m okay, tired, but I want to help. It’ll keep my mind busy at least.”

Feeling lighter than before, Kon beams at him. He quickly catches Tim up with what he’s prepared and together they continue to prepare the stew for their dinner. Everything isn’t magically fixed, Tim’s suddenly not cured and his insecurities haven’t suddenly vanished, but Kon is left feeling hopeful about the future.

[taeyohonic]

stolen dances | chap. V

summary: sometimes supporting the person you love is the hardest challenge you’ll ever face.

pairing: jeon jungkook x fem!reader

rating: m

warning: one/two swear words

additional tags: f2l, ceo!jungkook, bestfriend!jungkook, shrink!yoongi, my best friend’s wedding meets 27 dresses (if the boss/secretary couple had happened), angst-y

words: 1500

links: prev. | next

note: lower case letters intended

chapter summary: a muffin never tasted so bittersweet

can you believe it’s been three years? i miss you army

you can’t help the bittersweet memories flooding your mind at jungkook’s tweet. it’s been such a long time since bangtan stood in front of their fans – performing their music to the people who adored them with all their hearts.

you, yourself, were part of this crowd, more times than your bank account wishes to remember. their stage presence was so enticing, so alluring, you could not not fall in love with them.

jungkook shared some pictures in his tweet, old photos of jin and him demolishing a plate of deep-dish pizza in chicago, of jimin and taehyung posing in front of their pop up store in seoul, and one with all four of them bowing to the crowd in tokyo dome.

there is a smile on your face – not because you think about their shared journey, but because your best friend chose photos of events that you attended. sure, you hadn’t known them back then. but it can’t be a coincident that you have similar pictures – granted from another perspective – on your own camera roll. it makes you miss him.

“what’s going on?”, yoongi asks as he slides your coffee across the table. your starbucks is full of people, but namjoon, yoongi’s dear friend, works here. so, there is always a spot cleared for you. you don’t mind the special treatment as you sip your white mocca.

“just thinking”, you mumble, warmed by the caffeine.

“that can’t be good”, he says and sips his iced americano. he looks as tired as you feel. yoongi is recording his second mixtape right now. so, after he finishes his work talking to people about their problems, he starts rewriting, taping, recording, mixing and editing. no wonder he looks like death.

“i have you know that i’m actually thinking 67 percent of the day.”

“that can’t be good as well, ______. please use your brain more often – it might evolve with training.”

you gap at his audacity. “you do know i’m not paying you to talk me down, right?”

yoongi’s eyes smile while his lips are still half asleep. “you’re not paying me right now, _____. we are just friends meeting up for coffee before we have to… be a part of the working class.”

“i still can’t believe i get to see beautiful, brilliant, boisterous butterflies”, you say. your friend answers with an unattractive snort as his hands move into his thick, bleached hair.

“and i can’t believe you’re getting paid to watch bonkers, brackish, boring butterflies.”

you look away as you see his biceps flex. when did get this muscular? it takes a second for you to register his insult. maybe you need another coffee before leaving.

“i do have to care about my class as well, yoongi. it’s not all sunshine and butterflies. it’s also children’s snot and education.” still, you’re not making eye contact. if this was a therapy session, he’d ask for you to look at him, to ask why you’re feeling uncomfortable. but here, you are… just his friend.

“your work is important, _____, i know”, yoongi answers honestly. he knows how much you love these animals and children. and it is a big deal that seoul’s butterfly exhibition opens up just for your excursion. it makes him happy to see you this excited.

“and because i know that, i’ll remind you that you had to leave three minutes ago.” what? your eyes rush to your watch, only to widen in surprise.

“damn it, namjoon”, you mutter. your barista friend did take a long time with your order.

“don’t blame joon, _____. we were the ones who missed the train”, your friend reminds you as you put on your jacket in a rush.

“less correcting me, more helping me, yoongi”, you shush at him and make a motion to your heavy bag right next to his chair. “come on.”

yoongi doesn’t know why he agreed to help you carry all the lunch packs to school, he really doesn’t. nevertheless, he gets up and slings the heavy bag onto his shoulder and grabs his half-finished drink.

“let’s go – teacher of the year.”

**

the exhibition is amazing. you feel true bliss walking around the nature themed rooms, all home to one of the most rare, beautiful creatures. the kids hang on their tour guide’s lips as she tells them interesting facts about butterflies.

your phone is a constant companion – the camera roll now filled with funny pictures for the moms and dads to enjoy at the next parent-teacher conference. there are even a few photos of just you with a pink butterfly resting on your shoulder. jisoo, your coworker, is an amateur instagrammer, so the results of her taking your pictures are… really flattering.

now, the kids enjoy their break before you guys leave to drive back to school.

“really, you amaze me, ___”, your coworker says as she sits next to you on the bench – eyes trained on your students chasing around the butterflies.

“why?”, you ask, your attention monopolized by the two boys in a heated exchange over their shared butterfly net.

“getting the exhibition to open up just for our class? after hours? without additional fees?”

you flinch at her words as your heartbeat quickens. “wha- what? jisoo? i-“, you start to stutter, “i thought… you organized that.”

there is a fruit basket waiting on her desk with a thank you note for all her planning. now jisoo, too, looks uncomfortable.

“i didn’t”, she says.

**

it takes you a long time before you reach out. the whole train ride was spent with a pro and contra list on your ipad. then, while you were making yourself a two-person bowl of ramen, you crafted more than one email, only to delete every attempt. you haven’t talked to jungkook for more than five days. that’s the longest period the two of you ever went without seeing each other.

there is still a tightness in your chest when you think about his insult that night on the terrace. at first, you weren’t sure if jungkook realized that he hurt you – admittedly you aren’t the best with communicating your feelings. but your cold responses to his texts the next day must have been enough of a red flag for him to act.

then came the gifts: a triple chocolate muffin, still warm, delivered to your home before you had to leave on monday.

on tuesday, there was a singed copy of the unreleased album from one of your favorite kpop groups.

the next day, there was a poem collection where he scribbled in some commentary. you nearly teared up at that because this used to be your ritual when you first got to know each other: lending books with marked and commented pages for the other to enjoy.

on thursday he was strangely silent – only a single daisy decorated your briefcase.

but now, on friday, he went out of his way to get your class into this exhibition. you don’t even want to think about what that must have cost him.

there is an uneasiness in your fingertips as you dial his number. for one fleeting moment you want to call your therapist instead. but you can’t… because you may have left your whole “cold-shoulder-to-jungkook”-move out of the last session. and you really can’t take yoongi’s probing right now.

he answers after seven rings, breathlessly happy.

“______”

you smile and it’s not uncomfortable.

“jungkook… you didn’t have to”, you greet him and can’t help the endearment in your voice. he picks up on that and chuckles.

“of course, i didn’t… i wanted to.”

“thank you”, you answer, “it was really the highlight of my week.”

you can hear his cockiness at your words. “better than stray kids’ new album?”

“better than your thoughts on contemporary poems”, you counter teasingly. then, there is a beat of silence.

“______”, jungkook begins, “i… i really didn’t want you to think i’m not … or that i wouldn’t… do anything for you. you mean so much to me… it’s a shame i have to prove it to you… it should be… obvious.”

you suck in air as if your life depends on it. his words warm your heart and his awkwardness makes you smile.

“i get that i wasn’t the best of friends… but i’ll improve – trust me!”, jungkook vows with fire in his voice. “the winter collection has been kicking my ass… my family has been nagging about christmas… and the wedding…”

there is a beat of silence you do not dare to interrupt. this is his moment, not your responsibility.

jungkook collects himself fast and continues. “i know how much you’ve done for this wedding, for me… for us… and i want to be more involved… i’ll be by your side for all of next week’s appointments. ms yang already cleared my schedule.”

jungkook wants… to be by your side when you talk to the dj? the cake decorator? when you finalize the seating chart? dear lord.

“let’s spend some quality time together, ____. just you and me… and the wedding.”

you cannot find the right responds as you gap silently into your phone. after a moment, another voice is heard through the speaker.

“ask her if she liked the muffin i baked her.” his fiancée’s words punch you in the gut without ill-intent.

___

hi guys! I hope you are doing well! i had to take my first covid test this week – it was negative but that’s an experience for itself, right? i hope you are healthy and you enjoyed this chapter. i’d really love to hear your thoughts! next up: junkook and the reader tackling some of the wedding preparation… love, dana

taglist: @livewittykid​  @thequeen-kat​ @kagami-s-void​ @goldenclosethobi​ @youwannabelostandnotbefound​ @jinsalpaca​ @bishuthot​ @laabellaavitaa21​ @baekstans​  @jalexad​

[jinterlude]

Knock

→ Pairing: Kim Myungjun x Reader (female OC) [feat. Kim Seokjin and Park Jinwoo] → Genre(s): Romance, Fluff, Friendship, Humor, and & Slight-Angst → AUs/Tropes: Non-Idolverse, Fashionista!Reader, Fashion Editor!Reader, Accountant!Myungjun, Strangers to Lovers trope → Word Count: 5.6K → Warning(s) & Rating: alcohol, alcohol consumption, heartbreak, swearing, & shameless flirting from MJ | PG-15 → Summary: In what seemed like a normal meetup with a friend ended up changing your life forever... → A/N: The majority of this story is set in the past; hence, the past tense, but near the end, it does switch to present tense as the two leading characters finish reminiscing about their first meeting! I apologize in advance if it’s a bit confusing and/or hard to read! I will use some sort of line break to separate the past from the present to make it, hopefully, a tad easier!  ☄ This one-shot is dedicated to an incredibly good friend of mine, Beanie @jinned​, who is the sole reason why I even got into Astro and officially place MJ on my list of ULTS. He may or may not even be ult of ults. We will see! 

“In the end, you’ll thank me as our marriage would’ve been a mistake...You know it. And I know it…” 

That phrase knocked the wind out of you as you remained speechless ‒ practically mute ‒ while the loud and bustling noise of the fine dining restaurant continued in the background. You opened your mouth, desperate to form a coherent sentence. Shit. Even an audible word would suffice, but you honestly couldn’t.

The person you firmly believed, with all your heart, that he was the one for you, sat right across the table and declared that the wedding was off—terminated. 

The wedding was scheduled to happen in just two months. Two...fucking...months…

“___,” Your fiancé began, breaking you away from your thoughts, “I honestly can’t express how deeply sorry I am for doing this to you, but it was the only way I can preserve our twenty-something friendship.”

“Friendship?” You scoffed, finally finding your voice. “You broke our year-long engagement so that you can PRESERVE OUR FRIENDSHIP?! Are you kidding me, Kim Seokjin?!” You practically boomed, alarming the patrons around you, but you didn’t care. 

Seokjin tried to calm you but ultimately fails. Your emotions ran rampant throughout your body that nothing and no one could relax you. Well, Seokjin used to be able to, but since he’s the source of your fury, it’s pointless. 

Forcing an airy chuckle, you reached over to your wine glass, drinking it all in seconds. The cool liquid hits the back of your throat but soon leaves behind this warm sensation. You felt that warmth settles within your cheeks, creating this pinkish hue, as you flag down a passing waiter and swiftly order another glass of your favorite wine. Within minutes, your second glass of wine appeared right in front of you. At first, you’re tempted to down it as you’ve done with the first glass, but then you opted against it. The last thing you needed to be was a drunken, heartbroken woman in a luxurious restaurant. At the same time, your ex-fiancé remained calm and collected. Then, the surrounding people - both the workers and customers ‒ would sympathize with him and utter phrases like, “Damn. He dodged a bullet. Look at the way she’s behaving, especially after he explained that he only wants to preserve their friendship.” 

“God damn it…” You whispered, taking a long, deep breath, as you realize that Seokjin is right. Your marriage would be a mistake, especially if you’ve fallen out of love with him. 

“___?” Seokjin questioned, noting this trance-like expression written all over your precious face. 

“Why do you have to be right? Even up until the end of our relationship, you just have to be right…” You trailed on as a small, almost nostalgic-like smile slowly dances across your face. 

Seokjin chuckled softly, “Well, someone has to be.” 

“Yeah…” You nodded, maintaining that tiny grin as your eyes trail down to your ring finger. Slowly, you slid off the engagement ring, freeing yourself of this heavy burden that you’ve never known you had until tonight. Then, with your right hand, you placed it gently in front of Seokjin, saying one last farewell to him. You thanked him for being your first of every romantic milestone you’ve experienced.

As you stood up, placing a few twenty-dollar bills on the table, you said softly, 

“I hope you find someone that will make you unconditionally happy.”

“I hope the same for you, ___. I truly do hope you find your soulmate.” 

You uttered a quick thanks before walking from the table and towards a new chapter in your life. 

An intriguing yet uncertain chapter where you explored the idea of being single again after so many years. 

It should be a fun adventure, right? 

Well, it was in the beginning. Yet like with everything else in life, it was only natural you’d experience some ‒ let’s just say ‒ writer’s block. 

The first few pages contained incredible details of the first year since your breakup from Seokjin. You found yourself going back to school and majoring in fashion while finding the time to minor in journalism. During that good old university life, you met a person who you now considered a dear, close friend of yours. 

Eun Byeol. Now that was a true definition of a “ride or die” friend. To this day, you still remember how you essentially handcuffed your roommate-turned-best friend to the closet door handle, preventing her from driving over to your ex-fiancé’s place and destroying his most prized possession. Yep. You guessed it—his 1960s candy red Jaguar E-Type car. Stereotypical of a fella valuing his vintage ride above anything else, but shit. Even you found yourself admiring that beautiful car once in a while. 

But that was ancient history. Old news—just like your editorial on the most fashion show in Milan would be if you didn’t stop reminiscing about your first love and haul your ass. 

Lightly shaking your head, forcing yourself back into reality, you cleared your throat a few times, sniffing the Tropical fruit scents that lingered around your office. 

“I could really go for a mango shaved ice…” You muttered, blankly staring at your document as little to no inspiration enters your mind. You drummed your fingers against the keys, desperately hoping that something - anything - would jump right out of your brilliant mind and land directly on the page; thus, resulting in a finished article to hand over to the boss lady. 

Yet here you sat for another couple of hours staring at the same paragraph. You were pretty sure that you edited that paragraph to the point that it wasn’t even a paragraph. You somehow managed to dwindle it down to a three-sentence summary of Emma Aruda, a rising top model, and how stunning she looked walking the runway. Great. Now your column was too short, thanks to your sudden need to edit before it was even completed. 

“Come on, inspiration…” You groaned, slouching in your office chair as you swiveled back and forth, looking at the blanket of white that you called a ceiling. 

“You know...the longer you keep your head positioned like that, the higher the chance of your brain cells leaving will be…” quipped a familiar voice, causing you to swivel towards your door. 

Soon, a small grin formed on your face as you lightly scoffed at that person’s words. 

“Well, hello to you too, Eun Byeol.” You greeted, sitting up straight but still resting your elbows on the arms of your chair.

Eun Byeol flashed a warm smile ‒ so warm and inviting that it could even get the coldest, most standoffish person to greet her back ‒ as she strode towards your desk and leaned against the edge. 

“Dumb question, but what’s with frustration radiating off of you?” 

“Oh, my brain stupidly remembered my relationship with Seokjin while I was in the middle of writing this article, and now I’m stuck…”

You heard Eun Byeol winced, grimacing as you went into details of the memories that resurfaced in your mind. As each word escaped your sweet lips, the more this unbearable stab pressed against the chest. To be more precise, this cruciating pain that invaded your heart. 

“Damn, ___. It’s been like, what? Five years since he called off the engagement? I thought you were officially over that arrogant ass.”  asked Eun Byeol, clearly fed up with your ex, as evidence in her tone of voice. You couldn’t help but shrink in your chair as each of your drear friend’s words grazed your soft skin. 

Taking a long, deep breath before exhaling slowly, you tilted your head towards your friend, revealing a small and remorseful smile. You felt guilty mentioning him towards, fully aware of how she had rather colorful opinions of him. 

“I am over him, but can you blame me for remembering the good old days I experienced with him?” 

Now, it was your friend’s turn to feel a tad guilty for allowing and directing her fury towards you. Eun Byeol knew you were over him, but you fell victim to the old saying, “One never truly forgets their first love,” and that was Seokjin. He was your first love, and he might be even your last—unless her boyfriend’s longtime friend was still single. 

Then, a lightbulb lit up in her devious mind as this scheming smirk danced across her face, instantly alerting you. That smirk usually led to some rather “exciting” shenanigans, and most often than not, you went home questioning your life choices and wondering how on Earth did your friendship with Eun Byeol last this long. 

As you opened your mouth, ready to warn your friend, she beat you the punch. 

“What are you doing tonight?” 

“Uh, besides pulling an all-nighter to finish this article? Nothing. Why?” You asked with a wary expression. Your eyes slightly narrowed while your brows became knitted together. 

“Wrong! You’re coming out with me for drinks at this bar Jinwoo and I usually frequent whenever our schedules allow it.” Eun Byeol announced, overly excited, further adding to your suspicions. 

You swiftly glanced at your editorial piece before flickering your gaze back to your friend. You sucked in some air through your clenched teeth. Your mind desperately tried to find any, if at all, hidden motives behind Eun Byeol’s random invitation. Unfortunately, you came up with nothing. No secret plans that laid underneath the seemingly harmless invite that your brain could zero in on. 

“It’s just the two of us, right?” You asked, feeling apprehensive towards Eun Byeol’s invite. 

Eun Byeol simply nodded, smiling brightly as she promised you that it would be just the two of you, and that was all. 

After mulling it over for a good minute or two, you whined loudly before agreeing to go out with her. 

“But I’m stopping after two Whiskey Sours! I still have a deadline to meet, unlike someone who’s currently in my office and clearly being a bad influence.” 

Eun Byeol snorted in response, “Please. If I was such a bad influence, would I suggest that we steal Seokjin’s car and take it on a joy ride?”

“Actually, you did. Like, several times.” 

“Shut up and write your damn column.” Teased Eun Byeol before exiting your office. As she created enough distance between her and your office, she fished out her phone from the pocket of her black slacks and sent a quick text message to her boyfriend. A message that read,

“Hey, can you convince MJ to come to our favorite bar? I’d think he’d be perfect for ___!” 

Not even a minute after pressing send, Eun Byeol received a response that said, 

“I’ll do my best, but he’s been moping lately since his last date ghosted him without any warning. Plus, you can’t forget how soul-sucking our line of work is, babe.”

Eun Byeol giggled softly as she typed out, 

“Even more reason to add a certain fashionista to his dull life. She’ll liven it up with her colorful and bright personality,” 

She then scrolled through her list of emojis, picking the perfect one before sending it. After waiting for what seemed like ten minutes, her boyfriend didn’t reply, meaning that he was on board and hopefully planting the seed at that moment. 

“Oh, please let them hit it off…” thought Eun Byeol as she journeyed back to her office, dying to know if her boyfriend executed his mission perfectly. 

Yet like with any task, there were bound to be tiny hiccups as Jinwoo exhausted all his go-to methods to convince his close friend, Kim Myungjun. While Eun Byeol and ___ worked at one of the top fashion empires, he and Myungjun worked a regular office job, crunching numbers for their CEO. 

Again, a soul-crushing type of profession, and it didn’t help that their office space was oddly white. Everywhere Jinwoo turned, it was just pure white. Apparently, someone thought it’d be a brilliant idea to add fluorescent lighting into the mi; the entire building gave off this abnormally cleanliness vibe. 

Every day that Jinwoo walked into the office, he seriously felt that he entered that agency from the hit movie Men in Black, especially in his black and white two-piece suit that his company required the workers to wear.  What was next? He’d get a cool gadget that wiped civilians’ memories? 

“Oh, man. That’d be amazing…” He mumbled, unaware of someone standing behind him. 

“What’d be amazing, JinJin?” asked an all too familiar voice belonging to a person that Jinwoo actually had to see. 

The eager man turned his chair around, now face-to-face with his close friend and coworker—Myungjun. 

Quickly clearing his throat, Jinwoo plastered on the warmest smile his face could handle and happily greeted his friend. 

Myungjun, at first, felt weirded out by his friend’s sudden surge in energy but soon brushed it off. He then matched Jinwoo’s energy, capturing the attention of a few bystanders. 

“So back to my question, what would be amazing?” questioned Myungjun, ignoring the strange glances he and Jinwoo earned from their coworkers. 

“Um…” Jinwoo began, nervously chuckling, “It would be amazing if you and I go out for drinks tonight, especially after how shitty this week has been.” 

“I don’t know, man, like you said, it’s been a shitty week, and I don’t think I’m up for going out and having a fun time with you and the rest of our buddies.” 

“Come on, MJ, you’re still not moping about what’s her face? She’s not worth your time, especially when you weren’t worth hers.” Jinwoo retorted, hoping that his tough-love approach would entice him to come out and meet his girlfriend’s friend. Sadly, it didn’t. If anything, his words made Myungjun even more upset as this solemn expression washed over his once joyous face. Now, his friend looked as if someone took his heart right out of his chest and crushed it with their bare hands. 

“Alright...new approach…” Jinwoo switched tactics, going for the more “brotherly advice” approach, “Look, I was out of line, and for that, I’m sorry MJ. But I honestly hate seeing you upset over her, so please come out with me tonight. Tomorrow, you can sit at home alone and mope on the couch. Deal?” 

Myungjun made a face, weighing his options but ultimately leaning towards going out. After all, Jinwoo was right. His loneliness and favorite couch would be there tomorrow, so where was the harm in downing a few shots of Vodka to numb the hurt?

“Fine, deal. What’s this place called?” 

“Ahora.” 

A quizzical expression slowly washed over Myungjun’s face as he couldn’t help but question the intriguing choice of that bar name. 

While the uncertainty still filled his entire body, something deep within told him that something ‒ or maybe someone ‒ would change his life after tonight. 

Mustering his signature thousand-watt smile; his eyes practically disappeared as he did, Myungjun gave his friend a thumb’s up and said, 

“Alright. See you tonight! Maybe you and I can finally see who can drink the most without acting goofy after the third drink!”

Jinwoo playfully shook his head, letting out a few light chuckles. 

“I don’t know, my dude. I think I got you beat the last time we had our little drinking competition.” He teased, masking his hidden motive behind inviting his buddy out. Secretly, he hoped that Myungjun would ask like his goofy self since, according to Eun Byeol, you had a thing for comedic guys. 

Now, the real question was, how would Myungjun successfully capture your heart? 

“So, what should I wear?” Jinwoo heard Myungjun ask, forcibly removing him from his frenzy thoughts. 

“Um…” Jinwoo paused, silently panicking since his girlfriend never told him what you were going to wear tonight or even your preferred style on men. “Do you still have that purple and black striped sweater? You know with that creamy-tan color as well? I think it might be cold.” He suggested though he was unsure of his own recommendation. Honestly, he began questioning his life choices when he said, “purple and black striped sweater.” 

A faint hum emitted from Myungjun’s lips while he mulled over his buddy’s fashion suggestion. Then, he simply shrugged, going along with Jinwoo’s choice. 

“Yeah, I think I have that sweater still. Wait.” The biggest grin danced across his handsome face, “I knew you loved that sweater on me!” He cheered, flinging his arms around Jinwoo’s neck and giving him the warmest hug known to man. 

“Let go! People are staring at us weirdly!!”

“Let them stare! I want the entire world to know how amazing of a friend you are to me!”

“Damn, you just had to make it even creepier. Didn’t you?” 

“You know me so well.”

Later that evening, while Myungjun knew what he’d wear on his night out with the fellas, you were the polar opposite. You rummaged through your walk-in closet, flinging every single clothing hanger you could get your hands on. You tossed aside the latest peacoats, dresses, wool sweaters, everything onto the floor because nothing matched the vision you had in your fashionista brain. While, yes, it was just going out for a few drinks with Eun Byeol, you still wanted to look reasonably decent just in case Mr. Right made an appearance. 

Silently scolding yourself while you tap the pads of your fingers against one another as you desperately try to capture the perfect attire you envisioned yourself. Minutes had gone by, and you still drew a blank. You even pressed your cold lips against your fingers, slightly enjoying the warmth that radiated from your hands. Then, it finally dawned on you as millions of light bulbs lit up in your pretty mind like a beautiful and well-organized lamp display at a furniture store. 

“I’m a dumbass.” You teased, softly chuckling as you pulled out this dark gray pin-striped black peacoat and gently draping it over your desk chair. Then, you flipped through your rack, your fingers grazing the fabric of your blouses, button-ups, and plain old t-shirts. Your eyes scanned each article of clothing until you found the perfect blouse that would compliment the jacket perfectly. You pulled out this satin white long-sleeved blouse with ruffles on the ends of both sleeves and the collar. 

With a pleased smile, you gently laid the blouse over the jacket before grabbing a nice pair of navy blue slacks. The very same pair of slacks that Eun Byeol has dubbed “the highlighter” because apparently it perfectly accentuated the best parts of your body—whatever that meant. 

Grabbing both the coat and blouse with your pants draped over your forearm, you made your way towards the restroom. Just as you’re about to disappear into the well-lit room, you commanded your Alexa to play your go-to “getting ready” song, “Rebirth of Slick (Cool Like Dat).” The second the opening beat dropped, you bobbed your head to the tune, even swaying your hips as you jammed out.

One by one, your lounge clothes dropped to the floor and soon replaced with your jaw-dropping outfit. You smoothed out any wrinkles that your eye instantly locked on before switching focus to your makeup. 

Now, this might not be an easy task compared to picking out your current outfit. Any look would pair well with your fashion statement. You could go for a “girl next door” look, but did you really want to portray an innocent person tonight, especially with drinks involved? Probably not. 

Suddenly, a short gasp exited your lips as you grabbed all the necessary components for your femme fatale look. Your outfit almost reminded you of the main heroine in a 1940s movie. 

“Okay, let’s see how red I can get my lips this time.” 

Meanwhile, on the other side of town, Myungjun wasn’t exactly having the time of his life.  He remained still as a statue, staring blankly at his closet. Did he genuinely want to go out tonight? Part of him firmly believed that he only agreed to drink his sorrows away and forget about this girl that ghosted him a few weeks back. That was always his problem—he had the tendency to develop an infatuation before the girl does. It was honestly quite pathetic. 

Just as he was a step away from backing out from the hangout, a high-tone pitch echoed throughout Myungjun’s condo. 

With a curious expression, Myungjun shuffled his feet towards his phone, taking it off the charger. His brows perked up as he saw that he received a text message from Jinwoo. 

“Huh. Maybe Jinwoo wants to back out.” He wishfully thought, unlocking his phone to read the message. It said, 

“Hey man, I’m going to be a few minutes late, so you can get a head start on our little drinking competition!” 

Nodding his head, Myungjun hit the message box. Just as he was about to type out his reply, a photo appeared. The image contained a person, who looked to be female, and to his dismay, her head was cropped out. 

“Okay?” He thought, typing out his reply and asking his friend why he received a picture of a woman with excellent taste in clothing. Then, for laughs, Myungjun added, “Is that what you’re wearing, JinJin? I didn’t peg you as the type to wear a frilly blouse.” 

Not even a minute later, the playful fellow received a response, 

“Fuck you, MJ! And to answer your serious question, if you see this girl, can you politely let her know that Eun Byeol is also running late. Apparently, that lady is a college friend of Byeolie, and they coincidentally also wanted to meet at the bar we’re going to. Cool? Thanks!” 

Slightly shaking his head, Myungjun replied with a thumb’s up emoji before locking his phone. 

“Well, I guess you can’t back out now,” He muttered, opening his closet doors and revealing a wide array of clothing, coming in every color known to man. “What did that old man suggest earlier? Oh! Purple, cream-tan, and black pull-over!” Then, a sudden pause filled the air, “That was oddly specific of him to suggest…” He realized, thinking back to their conversation at work. Yet he merely shrugged it off, thinking nothing of it except his friend perhaps wanted him to look good just in case he’d were to meet his Miss Right. 

“Alright, MJ. Pick up the pace. We don’t want the pretty lady waiting too long, do we?” 

Sadly, that happened, and to put it frankly, you were pissed off at Eun Byeol for making you awkwardly wait for what seemed like forever. Granted, it was only an hour that you waited for her, but that was beside the point. 

Nope. The long wait time was not the sole reason behind your agitation. Nuh-uh. It was the fact that your oh-so-dear-friend failed to mention that every couple known to man appeared at the bar tonight. Thus, resulted in you nervously sitting alone at the bar, running the tip of your finger against the rim of your whiskey sour. You then gulped down the last remaining sips before almost slamming it on the counter. With a sour expression, you held up one finger and politely asked for another glass. Just as you mumbled a quick thanks, you felt someone tap your shoulder. 

Instead of giving the “drunken” stranger, more than likely looking for a one-night stand, you wave the person away, citing that you were already waiting for someone. 

“I mean, from the looks of it, I don’t think your friend is coming.” pointed out the stranger, with an unusual high-pitch voice. Though, to give the person the benefit of the doubt, you were used to deep, manly voices. This unknown bystander’s voice was honestly a breath of fresh air. 

Reaching for your second glass of the evening, you swiveled in your seat, coming face-to-face with the stranger. But the moment your eyes landed on him, you felt your jaw drop slightly, forming a tiny “o.” Holy crap, this guy is incredibly gorgeous. 

Quickly snapping out of your gaze, you cleared your throat. 

“I’m sorry? I. Um. What do you mean my friend is not coming?” 

“Just that. I mean, originally, I was supposed to be here 45 minutes ago and give you a heads up that Eun Byeol was running late. Still, I lost track of time getting ready to meet my friend here. However…” he trailed on, looking around. He, too, noticed all the couples chatting it up everywhere and anywhere in the bar that evening. “I’m starting to think that we were set up on a blind date.” 

You softly giggled, “Yeah, I’m getting that hunch as well...I’m sorry, I didn’t catch your name.” You replied, unknowingly disregarding the fact that Myungjun mentioned your best friend’s name. 

“Oh! I’m Kim Myungjun, but my friends call me MJ,” Then he playfully winked at you, flashing a bright smile, “I can’t forget pretty girls, like yourself, as well.” 

You snorted, shaking your head in disbelief, “Well, I’ll think about it, but thank you for that disclaimer. Also, you can call me ____.” 

“What? No playful yet flirtatious tactic like me?”

“Maybe. Maybe not. The night is still young, MJ.” 

Hearing his nickname slip past your innocent lips, Myungjun couldn’t help but raise a brow with an interested gleam in his eyes. One corner of his mouth curved upwards as he observed your body language. He silently hoped for your non-verbal cues would give him the “okay” to continue his flirting. When he didn’t see any signs of uncomfortableness radiating off you, he took that as the first and ‒ hopefully ‒ of many positive reactions he’d gained from you throughout the evening. 

Clearing his throat, the suddenly nervous young man glanced around the busy establishment, looking for a vacant booth for the two of you to occupy. Lucky must be on his side as his focused gaze immediately locked on an empty stall in the far right corner. With pursed lips, he swiftly analyzed the location and the atmosphere that surrounded it. Myungjun noted how dimly lit that corner was. With the added candles, that location had this romantic aura swarming it and those who sat in that spot. 

It was perfect for this sudden blind date. 

“So, would you like to sit over there?” asked Myungjun, pointing towards the only empty booth. 

You followed his finger and landed on the isolated corner that screamed passion. Instantly, your eyes widened as your heart rapidly drummed against your chest. Oh, you weren’t prepared for this, but at the same time, you couldn’t help but feel this unexplainable excitement and giddiness. A few emotions that you hadn’t felt in a long time—not since your relationship with Seokjin. Yet to be quite honest, you didn’t feel scared. In fact, you were ready to take that plunge into the deep romantic ocean. You weren’t worried about drowning or hitting a bunch of jagged rocks. You just wanted to take that leap of faith and, perhaps, maybe Myungjun would catch you. 

With a long, drawn-out breath, you steadied your racing heart before answering him, 

“Yeah, let’s do it.” 

In return, Myungjun greeted with his signature thousand-watt smile, resulting in this warm sensation creeping on your pale cheeks. 

“Positive reaction number 2.” He silently cheered as he abruptly held out his hand, hoping you’d take it. “After you, m’lady,” said Myungjun with a hint of playfulness. 

You couldn’t help but chuckle, slightly shaking your head in the process.

“Why, thank you, my kind sir.” You played along, gently grasping his hand and curling your fingers around his. The second you did that, this unspeakable spark shot through both of your arms, surging through your entire body. What made that reaction spectacular was that he interlaced your fingers together as he softly smiled with a genuine warm expression written all over his handsome face. With that smile alone, all recent thoughts about Seokjin and any doubts caused by your former relationship evaporated into thin air. Now, it was just you and Myungjun. 

You took a mental note to thank Eun Byeol for setting up this blind date as you guided your bodies towards the booth. Naturally, you picked up the pace as you didn’t want anyone else to steal that perfect spot meant for the both of you. 

Little by little, you pushed through the sea of people, swiftly closing the gap between your bodies and the table. 

“Which side do you want?” You politely asked as you couldn’t help but notice a defeated couple look for somewhere else to sit. Huh. Perfect timing on your part. 

Myungjun softly tapped his chin with his free hand as this faint hum emitted from his lips. Then, a bold idea appeared in his mind. Depending on how you’d answer, he could either make incredible progress or back to square one with you. Well, it was time to find out. 

“I have a better idea. Why don’t I sit right next to you? You know so that you can hear me better, especially with how noisy it is right now.” 

A tiny squeal escaped your lips as your eyes went round. Your face flushed from Myungjun’s boldness. 

“Okay, ____. You need to form a string of coherent words.” You chastised yourself, feeling a tad foolish that you’re this nervous to the point that you can’t even form a simple sentence. “You can do it. All you need to say is, “Sure. You can sit next to me.” Is that so damn hard?” You mumbled to yourself—or so you thought. 

“Um. I don’t know, sweetheart. Is it tough to say that you want to sit next to me?”

“Uh...no?”

“Really? You don’t sound so sure of yourself.” 

“I mean, yes, we should sit right next to each other.” 

You nervously chuckled as you entered the booth, placing your drink on the edge of the table just before shuffling towards the middle of the table with Myungjun following after. You then kindly ask him if he could slide your almost finished Whiskey Sour to you, which he did but not without some playful quips towards you. He teased you for acting like a nervous wreck, blaming the fact that you probably had one too many drinks already. You argued back, stating that you only had two drinks and that it was all his fault for making you this worked up. 

Myungjun chuckled in response but soon, that boyish grin vanished from his face and was replaced with a scheming yet charming smirk. What was he planning? And as soon as you parted your sweet lips, Myungjun’s face was inches away from yours. One wrong you move and the two of you would lock lips right then and there. That’s how close you were to each other. 

“Oh? So, it’s my fault, then how are you feeling now?” He whispered. His warm breath fanned your cheeks as his gaze darted between your doe-like stare and your apple-red lips. “Am I making you extremely worked up—”

“Hold up! That’s not how our first date went, MJ.” You say, interrupting your boyfriend’s somewhat exaggerated story. You’re almost sure that he’s currently telling a rendition of what he wishes occurred on your first date. 

Myungjun scoffs, putting on the theatrics, clearly finding your words offensive. 

“It is so! I distinctly remember you had two drinks that evening; hence, you becoming a blushing mess around me. Ooh! You can’t forget the fact that you wanted to kiss me as well.” He argues, acting like a child debating who’s the better superhero, Superman or Batman, with a school friend. You don’t know how you’ve managed to last an entire year with this dramatic fool. 

“JinJin! Tell her how wrong she is!” Myungjun whines to his close friend and boyfriend of Eun Byeol. 

You shoot Jinwoo a look, questioning why he’s even there on your anniversary date. 

Jinwoo pauses, silently sipping his Coca-Cola as he still needs to drive home after he’s done hiding from his girlfriend, who he accidentally angered. A look of hesitation washes over his face as the poor fella absolutely does not want to get in the middle of your guys’ argument. After all, Myungjun is the reason why he’s able to safely hide from his furious significant other. But also, that stupid pretty boy is the cause of his and Eun Byeol’s argument in the first place. 

So…

“Well, first of all, you’re both misremembering your first date because it actually wasn’t a blind date. You two had met previously at mine and Eun Byeol’s housewarming party. Then, you two decided to start out as friends because,” Jinwoo points to you, “You're in a relationship with Seokjin. Myungjun was seeing some random chick that I’ve forgotten the name for her.” He stated, debunking the first part of your love story. Before continuing with his explanation, Jinwoo chugs the rest of his soda and holds up a finger, flagging down a waiter to order another glass of Coke. 

“Alright, now where was I?” He releases a tiny burp as he continues his journey of stating the facts of your relationship, making Myungjun protest and whine. 

Then, your dork of a boyfriend leans towards you, his lips hovering over your ear. 

“Why did I let him tag along with us again?” 

“Because you two are tighter than a clam’s ass. That’s how close you two are to one another. It’s quite freaky at times.” 

Myungjun, being his dramatic self, gawked, stumbling over his words, 

“W-what? Name one-time that JinJin was with us.” 

“Last night.”

Suddenly, Myungjun’s face becomes blank. Checkmate. 

“And another thing! I wasn’t even the one who convinced you to go out that evening! It was Eunwoo!” 

Knock is copyright 2021 by jinterlude, all rights reserved.

[kumoriyami-xiuzhen]

Hakuoki Shinkai: Ginsei no Shou - Saito Hajime Chapter #1 English Translation

well... it’s going to be a long while before I finish translating another chapter from this game, though I will definitely finish at least one more before the end of the year. 

please note that i will not be posting any translations next week on account of me taking a break for CNY and studying... so, to whom it may concern, Happy Chinese New Year~! Alternatively, Happy Lunar New Year~! also happy early family day (Canadians only xD)!

anyway, enjoy! as always, tl is CN->ENG so it may not be 100% accurate while the final edits will be done later though I’m not sure how long that will take with my current schedule. 

Hakuoki Shinkai: Ginsei no Shou - Saito Hajime Chapter #1

Translation by KumoriYami

12 month of the 3rd year of Bunkyū

In order to find my missing father, I left Edo and came to Kyoto……

The night I arrived in Kyoto, I was attacked in an alley by a group of men.

They had ominously blood red eyes, were armed with vicious blades, making one feel one's blood run cold [reword later].

They smiled/laughed eerily at me as they drew/came closer, at that moment/then in a split second, the silver light of the moon flashed, and someone had cut them in half.[reword later]

Those swords that helped me—— [they were from] Shinsengumi First Division Captain Okita Souji and Third Division Captain Saito Hajime. [reword later]

I had accidently caught a glimpse of their secrets, which was why I was taken back to their headquarters and questioned by their executives......

I didn't expect for them to also be looking for my father, which was why I agreed to stay, on the condition that I helped find him.

As a result of that entire incident, I was to be treated as a page by the Shinsengumi.

Even among the executives, Saito-san was especially taciturn.

He doesn't say anything more than necessary, if he is given a mission, he will fulfill it better than anyone else [reword later].

Although I accepted how he was basically a cold person——

I however thought that this was because he always prioritizes devoting everything to accomplish his missions.

That's why he never ridiculed my swordsmanship as a woman [check jp mtl] and calmly evaluated my capabilities, and supported me accompanying the patrols [reword later].

During this time, I already knew how extraordinary his strength was, and in the following days, I witnessed that strength and his seriousness countless times.

For example, during the Ikedaya Incident, when the Shinsengumi arrested a large number of the Choshu [? check jp mtl and game. this wasn’t translated well] who had been flying the Emperor's flag and expelling foreigners.

There was also during the 7th month of Genji, a month after the Ikedaya Incident, at the Hamaguri Gate Rebellion......

While the Aizu and Satsuma were fighting against the Choshu who attacked the Imperial Palace.

Saito-san was facing Amagiri Kyuuju from the Satsuma/who was associated with the Satsuma Domain, who had seriously injured Heisuke-kun during the Ikedaya Incident, and stood his ground, not allowing for the situation to develop further.

Because of these events, at the end of the first year of Genji, I had come to a gradual understanding of who he was.

This is the story of what happened in the winter, one year after I came to the Shinsengumi [check jp mtl if this is more 'in the first year i came to the Shinsengumi'].

11 month of Genji

Approximately half a year after the Ikedaya Incident, and about three or four months after the Hamaguri Gate Rebellion......

I had more or less become accustomed to my life with the Shinsengumi.

Today, in order to look for my father, I was accompanying the Third Division's patrol.

I heard that after the Hamaguri Gate Rebellion, almost half of Kyoto had been destroyed by fire......

Yukimura: Quite a few homes have been rebuilt.

Saito:......Ultimately, it was a very large fire.

Yukimura: …………

The Shinsengumi has been patrolling the streets everyday, doing to their best to protect the people and streets of Kyoto, [though] many people still lost their homes and property in the fires caused by the Hamaguri Gate Rebellion.

Although the division members didn't say anything, they probably felt incredibly remorseful at being able to prevent this disaster from reaching the streets.

Child 2: What are you looking at? If you want to say something, say it/talk!

Yukimura: ?

Hearing a child's/children's voice/s from the other end of the ally, I glanced at Saito-san.  

Yukimura: Saito-san, just now that was......

Saito: That sound was probably from a child playing around with their friends.

Yukimura: But that voice right now, rather than playing, it sounded more like......

It sounded like a fight.

Yukimura:…………

Since we were still on patrol, regardless of what I think, this matter is highly unlikely to concern my father or the Shinsengumi, but I......

Yukimura:......Saito-san, can I take a quick look?

Saito: Right now we're on patrol, I can't waste time on matters that have nothing to [my] division's [our]work [check jp for taishi].

Although I thought he would say that.

Yukimura: Please...... I'll come right back.

I asked him again and again, and he seemed to be in a bit of a dilemma, but......

Saito: Okay, in that case, I'll go with you. You aren't allowed to move on your own/be alone.

Yukimura:......Thank you.

Soon after he gave orders to the other soldiers, we went together in the direction where I heard that child's voice came from just now.

Yukimura: The voice just now, it really did come from around here......

Following that voice, there was a tea house in front of us.

Yukimura Huh [check jp mtl]? Shouldn't it be here——

Sure enough. There were some older kids surrounding a smaller child [/boy. check jp].

Child 2: Aren't you learning kenjutsu? Come on, take your revenge!

One of the children spoke sarcastically, hitting the small child's head with a shinai.

Child 1:…………

But, the child being beaten who was beaten just bit his lip tightly, and resigned himself.

Child 3: Why is the child of an ordinary family learning kenjutsu?

Child 2: Are you wanting to rob my family's store?

Child 1: I don't, I'm not……！

Child 2: Lies/You're lying! Isn't your family's business not doing well?  Furthermore, my parents said that your family's store burned down a while ago.

Child 1: Wu......

Yukimura: What are you doing!

I couldn't continue watching this, and moved without thinking.

The children backed away for a moment, but recovered immediately——

Child 3: What? What's wrong with you? Go away!

Yukimura: You're bullying this child, right? Why do you need to do that?

Child 2: What I say has nothing to do with you. My father is popular around here. If you're going to go against me, I'll make it so that you can't stay in the capital.

Apparently these children are not going to listen to me talk.

Yukimura: Hey, you kids/children——

I was about to start speaking when Saito-san stepped forward.

Saito: Yukimura, as I said earlier, we're still on patrol, time cannot be wasted......

The children froze as soon as they saw his uniform.

Child 2: H-Hey, that haori......! Isn't that what the Mibu Wolves wear [check game if it's Wolves of Mibu or Mibu Wolves]?

Child 3: That's right! My parents said that! We absolutely cannot get involved with them!

Child 2: We might get killed! Run for it!

Yukimura: Ah, wait a moment......!

Before I could stop them, they abandoned [dropped] the shinai as they ran away.

Child 1: Wa-Wait for me......!

Although this child was left behind, he also wanted to escape......

But it seemed that he had no strength, and wasn't even able to stand up.

Yukimura: Are you okay?

Child 1: Ah......! This, I......! I haven't said bad about the Wolves of Mibu.

This child apparently believed in the negative rumours about the Shinsengumi that were going around and was terrified.

Yukimura: Uh......

I don't know what to do......

Without any better idea, I picked up the fallen shinai, and handed it to the child.

Yukimura: This..... does this belong to the children who were here just now? If that is the case, can you please return this to them?

He visibly trembled, as if he were using the entirety of his strength to answer.

Child 1: That...... it's mine......

Yukimura: This is your shinai? Then I'll return it to you.

The child hesitated for a moment, fearfully taking the shinai.

I've heard it from the other warriors before......

Kyoto's populace does not have a good impression of the Shinsengumi, apparently this was true.

Yukimura:......You don't need to be so scared. The Shinsengumi only goes after people who do bad things.

Child 1: But, everyone says that the Wolves of Mibu are extremely scary/terrible......

It was different from me who was in contact with these warriors every day/I was different since I was in contact with these warriors every day...... [check jp]

This child had little chance to be in direct contact with the Shinsengumi, so it was difficult to imagine that prejudice would be eliminated any time soon.

But......

Yukimura: Although those children spoke poorly of the Shinsengumi just now, however [check jp. either reword or remove], do you think that I'm scary?

The child desperately shook his head.

Child 1: N-No no, don't...... I don't think that......

Saito-san had been silently watching our exchange.......

Saito: This matter appears to have been settled. Let's go, Yukimura.

Yukimura: Ah, okay, I know/understood.

I turned to the child again.

Yukimura: You should go home, be careful on your way back.

Child 1: Nn......

I said good-bye to the child, and left there with Saito-san.

After/Afterwards/Later, on our way back to headquarters, Saito-san quietly spoke/spoke softly.

Saito: You're very caring about children.

Hearing him say something so suddenly, I felt puzzled./I felt puzzled to hear him abruptly say this.

Yukimura: Eh? You're talking [referring] to just now/what just happened?

Saito: Nn. I didn't expect you to have a side like that.

Yukimura:......While I lived in Edo, my family's clinic also provided medical care to children. Certainly, I might get along well/be good at dealing with children.

My answer was apparently unexpected to him, and his eyes widened slightly.  

There was silence for a moment......

Saito: No, not only that.

Yukimura: What do you mean?

Saito: Nn, it should be said that I feel like you would be a good elder sister...... No, you'd be a good mother. If you have children, you should be able to guide[tl word can also mean teach or instruct] them well [check jp mtl].

Yukimura: Eh……！

I didn't expect him to say that [I'd be a] "good older sister" or "a good mother"......

It was surprising/I was surprised.

Yukimura: A mother....... me/Me...... as a mother? I've never thought about that until now. Furthermore, rather than saying that I care about children......

In fact, I was bullied by other children when I was a child.

As a result of that, I wasn't able to ignore what happened to that child just now.

Saito:......What's wrong? You've suddenly stopped talking.

Yukimura: No...... it's nothing. However, as far as I'm concerned, even if I can be a good mother in the future, I would need to find the[/a] father of[/for] the [/my] child first. Meaning, I would first have to find a lover.

He held his breath, apparently somewhat nervous.

I was used to seeing him always look calm, so it was hard to imagine how his words were so awkward [now]......

Saito: Th-That's right...... Indeed, that is true. Still, that's probably too early for you.

After he spoke, Saito-san seemed somewhat embarrassed and averted his eyes.

Saito-san had actually brought this subject up first.......

He was so embarrassed as he spoke that I started to feel embarrassed [reword later].

Yukimura: Yes......

Thinking about it, until now, I've never had the opportunity to talk about this subject with anyone.

I didn't expect to actually talk about this with Saito-san..... it was quite astonishing.

Afterwards, we chatted about some other topics on our way back to headquarters.

A few days later.

I was in the middle of sweeping the entrance of the Yagi residence [check game for capitalization].

Yukimura: Mm......!

The winds of the eleventh month were cold and bone-chilling.

I was planning to finish sweeping a bit earlier then go back to my  room.

Okita: Areh, sweeping here?

Yukimura: Ah, Okita-san. Are you back from patrol? You've worked hard.

Okita: That's right..... There was a bit of trouble though.

Yukimura: What was that trouble [reword later].

Okita: While we were on patrol, a kid kept on following us. Since they were in the way, we tried to send them away, but they were really persistent and kept following us/ insisted on following us.

Yukimura: Was that child not one of Okita-san's friends?

Okita: I don't/didn't know them. They weren't a kid who lives nearby/It wasn't a kid living around here. I think/feel that they weren't so much as chasing me, and were rather looking at the [our] uniform[s] to keep up/follow [us?].

Maybe they wanted to join the Shinsengumi? Well, that/it'd be impossible for such a little kid.

Yukimura: That child, where did he go?/Where did that child go?

Okita: Who knows? They seemed to have followed me/us/made it to the Mibu Temple. Though they might have given up already?

Okita-san wasn't interested in saying anything else and went back inside.

A child who was interested in the Shinsengumi......

......I couldn't help but feel concerned.

According to Okita-san, that child had followed him all the way to the Mibu Temple.

……Mibu Temple was right behind headquarters, and many of the warriors went there to practise kenjutsu.

It should be okay/shouldn't matter if I go look there for a bit [take a quick look].

Having thought this, I decided to go check the Mibu Temple.

Yukimura: Huh......?

Okita-san clearly  said that a child followed him here/ had come to this place.

But there was no one around.

Was it possible that they gave up and went home?

Regardless of how close the Mibu Temple is, it's not possible for me to leave headquarters without permission, so I still needed to return.

I was just about to finish my sweeping.

Saito: Yukimura, where were you just now? [might swap this line with the 4th one after. tl is almost the same]

Yukimura: Ah, Saito-san!

Saito: You need to be accompanied by one of the executives when you leave, this should have been repeatedly explained to you/this should have been repeated several times.

Yukimura: Sorry, I thought I'd be able to just to quickly go there and back, that's why......

Saito: Where did you go?

Yukimura: Here's the thing—— [reword later. i don't like how it reads]

I told him everything Okita-san had just said about the child.

Saito:......A child was following the Shinsengumi around?

Yukimura: Yes, I feel that I can't just stop thinking about this. But it seems/appears that no one's no one around the Mibu Temple anymore/ like they're no longer around the Mibu Temple. It'd be worrying if they got lost and were unable to go home.

Saito: That's true/It's as you say. We should try looking around for a while then.

Yukimura:……Is that okay?

Saito: I don't have any particular arrangements now. Of course, if it's not necessary, then I will refrain/stop.

Yukimura: That isn't the case. Thank you.

Saito: okay, then let's go.

Thus, Saito-san and I went to go look around.

As we looked for the child, we walked down the main road.

Yukimura:......I can't find them anywhere. Maybe they're gone home.

Saito: Perhaps. If that was the case, it would be good if these were just groundless worries.

Yukimura: I'm sorry to have wasted your time. Let's go back to headquarters......

After I said that, just as we were planning to go back.

Yukimura:……！

Saito: What is it?

Yukimura: A familiar looking child ran down that alley just now...... I want to go chase after them/catch up and go look at them. Can I ask Saito-san to come with me?

Saito: Nn, there's no problem, let's go.

Saito-san and I started running.

Then, in the a narrow alley that lead to the Mibu Temple——

Yukimura: Hey, don't run [away].

I finally caught the child.

Child 1: Ah……！

The face of the child looking back was very familiar [reword later].

Yukimura: You should be the child from that time......

Child 1:…………

Saito: Is this the child who was following the First Division?

Yukimura: I think so.

Saito: Why have you been following the Shinsengumi around?

This child seemed to be scared of him.

He timidly opened his mouth.

Child 1: I want...... to learn kenjutsu.

Yukimura: You want the Shinsengumi to teach you kenjutsu?

Child 1:......Nn. Adults say that the Shinsengumi is frightening/terrible. But I hear that even if you aren't a samurai/warrior [check audio],  even if you're an ordinary person...... it's possible to join their ranks [literally: team/group. may reword later]. I want to become stronger....... please teach me kenjutsu.

Saito-san frowned and/as he glanced at me.

Although he appeared to be very calm......

I think he was probably worrying about how to respond.

After a while......

Saito: The Shinsengumi is not a place for children to learn kenjutsu, and a child like you will not be allowed to join. [/it is also not something a child can become a member of?]

Child 1: Eh...... But...... I've helped around the store several times already, and I'm not that different from an adult!

Saito: That's not the problem. With your height, do you think that you will be able to fight against ronin [check audio]?

Child 1: That......! That might be true now, but I'm still growing! So please, teach me kenjutsu!

Once the child finished speaking, he bowed deeply.

Saito:…………

He seemed very unaccustomed to this type of situation, and was apparently/seemed to be worrying about how to convince this child.

Seeing how troubled he looked, I——

Choices

[ Asked for his reason/Asked for a reason] <-

[remained silent]

Yukimura: You just said that you were learning kenjutsu to become strong/more powerful, so why do you want to become stronger?

Child 1: Because…………

Saito: If you want to get stronger than those kids who bullied you to then retaliate against them, I cannot approve of that as your/will not acknowledge that as a reason to join the team [thesaurus later]. Kenjutsu is not to be learned for that sort of purpose [reword later?].

Child 1: Ah......

Hearing such strict words, the young boy's eyes were filled with tears.

Looking at his demeanor, Saito-san bearing softened somewhat.

Yukimura: Wait, Saito-san, this child looks like he has something to say.

Having said that, I turned to the boy again.

Yukimura: If it's not for revenge, is there/do you have another reason? Can you tell me?

The boy took a moment to hold back/suppress his tears

Child 1:…………Nn.

He nodded slightly.

Saito:......I really am no good at dealing with children. Fortunately, you are here.

Yukimura: Such a thing......

It was great that I was able to help him.

Child 1: I…………want to learn kenjutsu so I can protect my family, and my little sister. That's why I started going to a dojo to learn kenjutsu. But the other kids told me that "it's strange for ordinary people/civilians to learn kenjutsu".

Saito:……Indeed, to protect your family, that responsibility/duty belongs to the town/it is the duty of the town to protect your family. You do not need to learn kenjutsu  for this. Everyone has their own responsibilities.

Child 1:Those other children's families are well-off, and as long they hire people, they'll be able to entrust someone with that responsibility, but....... my family only has a small store, and during the previous conflict, part of it burned down......

Yukimura: I see……

Saito:……You mean to say that you only want to protect your family, with your own hands, right?

Although I knew that many streets had suffered losses during the previous conflict.......

It was still very painful to hear about someone personally talk about it.

After Saito-san thought over it, he crouched down next to the boy.

Looking directly into the child's eyes......

Saito: I understand your circumstances. In order to protect your family and the weak, those are good reasons for wielding the sword.

Child: Re-Really!?

The child's face immediately lit up.

Saito-san however, still had a serious expression as he spoke.

Saito: But even if that is the case, I naturally cannot teach you kenjutsu. Of course, you can't become a member of the Shinsengumi.

Child: Ah......

The boy's face was full of disappointment. However, it wasn't a face that was on the verge of crying.

Saito-san was taking him seriously, and although he was a child, it seemed that he understood that.

Saito: In order to protect yourself, and one's family, practising in a dojo will suffice. Kyoto is protected by us. No matter what happens, we will certainly protect you all. Please pass that onto your family.

The boy's eyes widened, almost as if he was striving to engrave Saito-san's words into his memory.

Saito-san lightly nodded, then he placed his hand on the child's head as his expression relaxed.

Saito: The purpose of the Shinsengumi is to protect the helpless in Kyoto. For the sake of becoming strong to support those who are weak, we practise kenjutsu together here. In the event that one day, you truly need the assistance from the Shinsengumi...... Then, we will certainly be there to help you.

Child: Really?

As if to confirm this, the child asked this again.

Child: Really....... they'll help me?

Saito: Of course. We — as warriors, if a promise is made, we will never break it.

Hearing Saito-san's words, the boy's eyes seemed to glow with strength.

Finally, he firmly nodded......

Child: Mm, I understand. I..... will believe the Shinsengumi.

Hearing those words, Saito-san, his mouth formed a satisfied smile.

Saito: All you need is spirit. I also believe that you are determined to become stronger.

After saying that, Saito-san slowly stood up.

After we watched the boy return home, we started going back to headquarters.

Yukimura:……Saito-san is such a kind person. Even when speaking to a child, you will treat them so sincerely.

He narrowed his eyes in embarrassment.

Saito: I didn't treat him as a child. While addressing someone [who has chosen to] wield a sword to protect the weak, even if the other person was an adult, I would have said the same thing.

Yukimura: But, I think, to be treated as an adult…… for that child, it must have been a good experience.

Saito:……If that is the case, that's good.

As expected, he was still embarrassed and refused to meet my gaze. [depending on jp sentence, change to as 'really']

Saito: I really am unable to deal with children. It would be better for Souji to handle children/Children should be left for Souji to handle. [depending on jp audio, change to 'as expected']

Yukimura: Is that so? But, I think that if Saito-san had children, you would be a very good father.

Saito: Me, a father……？

He froze with a face full of embarrassment, almost as if he heard something completely foreign.

Saito:……For this sort of thing, I haven't even thought about it until now. After all, let alone a child, I still haven't married yet……

I'm afraid I said too much.

Yukimura: Th-That's right. Saito-san is busy doing work for the Shinsengumi, and can't be bothered about these things……

I quickly retracted my thoughtless words.

Saito: No…… it's not that I'm not a little interested……

Yukimura: Eh?

Saito:…………It's nothing.

He walked away with a shy/embarrassed look on his face.

Yukimura: Wa-wait for me, Saito-san!

Just now he said, it wasn't that he wasn't uninterested…… [reword later...? kinda gave up trying to tho]

Did that mean he had someone he liked?

Or was it……

After, I asked him several times, but he never answered back.

—The End—

after chapter 4 (still 40% done T_T)... i’m probably going to focus on chapter 2 then 5.... tho who knows when that will be since im translating at a severely reduced speed since school> all else, though i will definitely finish translating at least one more ginsei chapter this year (can’t say the same for videos given how painstaking it is to format everything lol). 

anyway, the reason why i say that i need my queued filled up to november before working on translating another ginsei chapter in earnest is cuz i don’t want to worry about meeting my self-imposed weekly translation goal and cuz i prefer having lots of time to work on full chapters given how long they take for me to get done... while also having pleeeenty of leeway for procrastinating lol.

also my laptop had a stupid error so everything shut down (though on the upside to that, i can see all my pc text again). thankfully robocopy makes it so that i don’t need to duplicate everything, but it’s seriously taking a long time for everything to move...

after everything finishes, i think im going to have a calendar that celebrates each month of no computer problems lol. 

[evening-starlight]

Chances {Chapter Eight}

Late night writing bender Pt2 :))

Edited in Grammarly

Stevie Does Wonders

Word Count: 1389

    Tom and I started seeing each other a lot more after that. He was the second most significant reason for getting out of bed every day - the first being recording, of course. He made me happy and excited to wake up every day because I knew I would talk to him every time. There was no mystery on which Tom I would get. It was always a caring, supportive person on the other end of our conversations.

    On nights the band and I were up late in the studio, Tom would send us treats and dinner. He took care of not only me but my family too. Heather was the first to point out how my attitude had changed.

    "You don't usually sing in your higher range," Heather points out from outside the booth, her voice coming through the headphones I wore. I shrug. "Tom's got you all girly; you're even singing like one." I flip her the bird, but really I can't help but smile. Tom really has brought out the best in me in the three months I've known him.

    I'm starting to think he's good luck. Jared has pulled back on his attempts to contact me, sending flowers just once a week now. The band and I are almost finished with our second album, including the deluxe version with four added songs. I've cleaned my apartment thoroughly since it's become a depression pit, and I feel like a brand new person as a whole. So Tom has got to be a good luck totem.

    "Hey, Stella, Stevie is here for your session," Naomi speaks. "We're going out to lunch. Do you want us to bring you anything back?"

    "Surprise me," I smile. Stevie is my therapist. I hired him during my divorce and have kept him ever since. He lets me vent before coming up with solutions and has been fantastic at helping me overcome my anxiety and depression. We hold our sessions in the studio to record them and listen back to them when I need to. Some snippets have made it onto our album as well.

    Stevie walks in as I set up the audio for two-way without him having to press any buttons. "Hey Stella, it's been a while," He greets. Stevie went on vacation to Germany over the last three months. He offered alternatives to waiting for him, and I used them when I had to, but nothing beats the real deal.

    "Hey, Steve. We're all good to start recording." He starts with his standard starting comment, 'start with a sour and find a sweet.' "Sour," I begin. "Jared continues to send gifts to my apartment. Robbie is still using my car. And I still get awful depressive episodes," Stevie nods as he writes down some notes. "Sweet," I stop, thinking over everything that's happened in the last three months. "Everything else.

    "I met a guy, and he makes me feel like I'm walking on air. He makes me feel appreciated and comfortable. He supports the band and me, sending us gifts and food when we need it. I do have my reservations about it, but we've seen each other at least once a week for the past month if not more times a week. The band and I are almost done with our album, and my apartment is finally cleaned." Stevie waits a few seconds before asking any questions.

    "It sounds like you've been having a very productive few months, Stella." I nod. "So, tell me more about his guy. Why do you have reservations about it?"

    "Well, he's just as close to perfect as one person can get. He waits for me to talk when I'm in a mood, and he started keeping my favorite snacks in his car for me. He texts me in the morning and asks me questions about my day at night," I start pacing the recording booth, caught up in my tangent about Tom. "He knows my favorite coffee order and my favorite coffee house. He asks how the guys are and what I want to do when our deal is over. He doesn't push on the Jared topic." I stop to look at Stevie. "I let it slip about being divorced on our first date."

    "Date?" Stevie asks, biting his lips to hide a smile. "So you're dating again?"

    "I wouldn't say that. Just," I pause to think. "Enjoying. I enjoy being around him. Everyone's noticed a change too. Heather was talking about it before you came in. Tom is just amazing."

    "And why are you having some reservations about it?"

    I sigh and start to pace again. The main reason is our age difference. It's almost as close as mine and Jared's gap. Sixteen years. "Well," I start. "For one, there's the age difference. It's significant. Not quite as bad and Jared's, but it's noticeable. Then there's the fact that he's way too cool for me and also the fact that maybe he's just like Jared, and this is all just to get me into the position again. I don't think I could go through that again and come out alive." I admit.

    "Alright, do you have an Expo in there?" Stevie asks. I hold up the red one we keep in the booth for notes. "I need you to make two lists. Red flags and green flags."

    Green flags: he's an amazing listener, he lets us go at my own pace, and he respects my boundaries without argument or guilt-tripping

    Red flags: age gap

    I make a third collum, yellow flags. He hasn't made a move to kiss me yet.

    "I can't read backward to tell me the lists," Stevie tasks. That is a fat lie, and we both know it; he just wants me to read out my lists. I do quickly, watching him write more notes. He takes so many notes when he's with me, I wonder if he does it to other clients. "Does it bother you that he hasn't made the first move yet?" I nod. "Why?"

    "Because I'm worried if I do, he'll think I'm too much to handle or that I'm coming off too strong. That he'll lose interest when  I'm not submissive anymore?" The last sentence comes out as a question.

    "Jared always made you feel like you needed to be submissive." Stevie states. We've been over this a thousand times. "But this guy, you mentioned his name is Tom. Tom isn't Jared, is he?" I shake my head. "So why are we treating him like Jared? We don't know if he'll end up like Jared, but that's a risk we take with every person we meet. We can't avoid it."

    "We can if we stay in our apartment our whole life," I sass. Stevie tilts his head to the side with an amused eyebrow raise. I sigh. "I know we can't judge people off of my past mistakes, but it still feels petrifying knowing he could be."

    "Has he given you any reason to believe he might be, besides the age?" I shake my head. "So why don't you explore it more? Try being more dominant in your role with him and test those waters. I'm not saying go headfirst into the deep end, be careful. But you have your support system always here for you and ready to catch you when you fall." I mutter an 'I know' and look over the lists I made again. "From my perspective, Stella, you seem to be smitten, and I don't want to see you lose something that could be good for you. We can't live life without risks." And there's a snippet for our song Risks.

    I nod again. I know everything Stevie's saying is right, but that doesn't make it less terrifying.

    This therapy session has played in my head repeatedly whenever I'm scared to try something new to this day. I even got 'We can't live without risks' tattooed on me to remind myself of that. That's Tom's second favorite tattoo of mine. He says it's because I would have never gotten it without him, which he's right. We'll talk about his first favorite in this book as well, don't worry. I know you all bought it so you can have a closer look at the god, that is Tom FUCKING Hiddleston.

@queenofallhobos

[steve0discusses]

The Full Metal Alchemist Live Action Movie Part 8: Watch This Episode Covered in Butts be the Only One Not Flagged by Tumblr

Gonna be risky business and not only upload all of these caps the way I screenshot them--which has just SO MANY poorly CGI’d butts but also gonna do it on the Tumblr Drafts folder, which I have been assured works now.

I’m so worried about so many things, but considering all the fears I have about like...everything else in the world right now...I guess I’ll take a risk on tumblr.

Edit: I cannot believe that I had 8ish episodes of Kaiba’s tall dueling tower get flagged but not this movie. I just....wow I cannot.

So anyway, last we left off, General Hakuro stepped in and was like “Hi guys, you like my wily plans that no one in their right mind would have ever guessed???”

Yo remember this part of the anime? Where the bodies drop from the ceiling and it’s a hunk out of the final arc--it’s here. In this movie. This movie that can’t possibly afford to do that. Lets get some CGI animated bodies in here ASAP.

(see some texture regrets under the cut)

It’s like a Monet, as the Mean Girls say, because far away and shrinked to 500 pixels this looks kinda neat. They sort of look more like those slime ball that grow in the back of your throat rather than human bodies, but they still look pretty gross hanging up there.

But then.....we zoom in. Remember again that this was full screen on my computer, and at one point was on a freakin movie screen. This level of 3d...was on a movie theater screen.

The mind boggles. The mind boggles!

Like as you know, I am an artist, and I’ve dabbled in...basically everything in my pursuit to make a dollar...and I have taken about 2 years of classes in 3D art with Maya and all those. I’m not thaaat great at it--I’m much more an illustrator/painter--but I feel like I have that reference point. Can I just say--the model is...fine...you can do a lot with layers of bump maps so you don’t need a truly detailed model (not like they did that, because they didn’t do that, but I can figure that maybe they had an intention to do that and forgot?)

But, there’s no connection of the wires to bodies. They just kinda float? The bodies are also all the same shiny-ness? To the point that it looks like a copy paste? (I don’t think it is, the wires are slightly different on a few of them) There’s just not much in the way of a texture map or a bump map. It just...there’s also something missing from the skin.

Skin is actually kind of rough to render, so when I did it back in the day, I followed like a checklist to make sure I had all the layers and steps to make someone look...clammy. Some things are kinda translucent, they reflect light a different way...especially white skin like this wouldn’t be just...white like putty. Dunno if you ever saw a white person, but we got so many veins...there was so much potential to make something really gross and fleshy.

Instead we got silly putty. It’s fine. I’m fine.

So General Hakuro decides to just...kill everyone right now.

This makes no sense to me.

That means that the whole thing of Lust killing Hughes was completely unrelated to General Hakuro. All Hakuro needed was Shou Tucker, who has been in prison for...I assume months since Ed shipped him off. And Shou was only released today? Just now? Just now when Hughes was shot?

So this all just happened at the same time by accident?

I mean the General sent us to the wrong lab initially, so he didn’t actually want us to be here, and now that we are here, he’s going to set off an entire army as a reaction to three people walking in and going “oops”?

So, lets get a look at our army.

Oh it was so disappointing, this reveal. Not just the eyeball that has a bounce light coming from below the top lip there (how did that even happen???) but also when it opened it’s mouth, it had a flat animation of skin breaking--it wasn’t actually rendered 3d skin, it was like a jpg wrapped around it or something (or at least that was the illusion I got. That is fine for a video game or a TV show, but this is a movie. This is shot so that it can be displayed in a size bigger than your own house.

What happened to the animation team on this one? Not saying I can do better, cuz no, I can’t, that 3d chapter in my life was a while back, but I’m just one guy. This was an entire animation studio and they just...didn’t render 3d face ripping (which is their entire job, to work in 3d) and then they kinda just turned on the stock physics dynamics and dropped em instead of animating them.

The way they fell was like fish from a bucket--the same amount of speed, too. they all ragdolled like a 3D shooter, their rigs just hanging on for dear life (and yes, you could see the deforming happen on the joints of these models.) I’m fine with having a computer program render something out with a physics engine...but there is a balance.

You do have to still go in there and finangle it back because...real life is hella stupid. Real physics? So stupid. It was hilarious how nonthreatening it was, too because they’re like...the size of shrimps in that zoom out image. The scale is just so wild!

It was like one bored guy in a sound booth and they multiplied his voice three times. Golden. Absolutely golden.

So these guys stride over, all of them with the same amount of speed (leading me to think it was probably a recorded walk cycle they all share with slight alterations between all of em) and they kinda just...pile on eachother in a weird way.

I will give them this: I was happy to see something that wasn’t physics or procedural. They mo-capped and animated that part for sure. It had the touch of an artist’s hand. It was also a very funny way for Hakuro to die because this guy was on screen for like 5 minutes, and maybe 7 minutes of this whole movie.

Youknow...I think it really says a lot about your nude 3d models if they’re not disturbingly human enough to trigger the tumblr filter, youknow?

Anyway, Envy looks on.

And then Gluttony saves the city.

Meanwhile, they decide to bust out the fire effects and Mustang becomes the most useful person in this entire movie. Like honestly this movie was poorly named, because it should have just been “Mustang saves the FullMetal Alchemist’s Entire Ass.”

The next part seems like I forgot a cap, or maybe missed something. I swear to you, I did not.

First off, Al becomes fullmetal and makes this happen without an alchemy circle. The show doesn’t really care to talk about that though, it’s just a thing he can do now, and you’d only notice it if you were writing a Tumblr post about it.

I swear to you, Winry is just inside of Al and there is no explanation.

There is no explanation for this.

She was on the couch...why is she not on the couch? What?

And then when you think they might have a moment, Ed’s like.

Damn.

For reals what the hell was that entire scene except for a way for Ed to get his arm stitched back on in like 2 minutes?

Outside, Envy and Lust are just strolling around the back-alley of this red brick building we have seen used for this entire movie.

And like...it’s so funny to me because they weren’t trying to run or hide. It makes complete sense why they got shot. This is what happens when you just...walk away when the whole military guard wants to kill you.

Now lets go see how Hawkeye is faring.

Luckily, all of the ambling bodies have decided to walk slowly through this one weird grass section between extremely long buildings.

And Hawkeye tells everyone “You have to shoot their heads off” and I want you to look at that scene and tell me how many of those bodies still have heads.

Oh, all of them. Don’t worry about it.

Kinda hard to see, but Ed shows up to give Mustang a hand, which was fully unnecessary but we’ll get to that in a bit.

This movie is such a gem.

Ed goes big brain and realizes that Envy is still burned up, and thus is about to pass on.

And whatever, I’ll take it. It’s not like the movie has told us that they are made out of 1000000 lives, for all we know, in the movie universe, they really are only 4 lives. Like half a cat. Maybe Father only killed half a cat instead of an entire city.

Yugi Muto would be so freakin proud of Envy for how often this guy gets hit square in the chest with fire balls. It’s basically every scene where Envy and Mustang share screen time.

And don’t worry, I don’t think Envy died? But they sure made it look like he did, which I’m sure everyone everywhere was really happy to see, since Envy’s death was one of the climaxes of the whole series. Like people used to make these lists of “top 10 saddest anime deaths” and how many people had Envy on there? Like everyone? People freakin love Envy and they did him so much dirty in this movie.

Again I have no explanation for Winry.

So Mustang is like, Ed, you make sure Winry doesn’t biff it in that corner, and I’ll do my actual job over here on this side. And yo, he did.

And so then that’s it, Lust is dead, and now we have a Sorcerer’s stone.

Man it looks delicious, right?

I’d eat the hell out of that.

Anyway, we only have one more update and we’re done with this movie!

I know!

I know! They only have 10-15 minutes to resolve pretty much everything, and that’s assuming that the credits don’t take up a heap of that. Hell, I might only have 3 caps next episode if that’s all credits. I honestly don’t remember.

Anyway, hope y’all take it easy this February, here is a link for people who just got here to read these FMA recaps in Chrono order.

https://steve0discusses.tumblr.com/tagged/fma/chrono

[wkemeup]

Fireworks

summary: Bucky Barnes doesn’t do crowds. He certainly doesn’t do fireworks. But he’d follow you just about anywhere. 

pairing: bucky x reader

word count: 3.1k

warnings: PTSD symptoms, panic attack, a very sweet bucky 

author’s note: So I had no intentions of writing anything for today until I woke up at 6am and had this idea and couldn’t fall back asleep. This fic is shorter than my usual and didnt go through the pretty long drafting/editing period as my other fics, but I hope you like it just the same! ❣️

“Bucky you have to come with us,” you urged light-heartedly, tugging on his sleeve as he kept himself planted on the couch; nose deep in To Kill a Mockingbird, the lasted book on the line of a long list you had written up for him. A smile pulled at his lips, though he made every effort to suppress it.

He allowed his eyes to glance up to you over the top of his book to find you dressed in a red and white striped blouse that tied at your waist, revealing just an ounce of skin above your jean skirt, a red bandana in your hair tied up away from your face, and press on tattoos of Steve’s shield and the American flag on your cheeks. Bucky did his best to hide how endearing he found you.

“It’s Steve’s birthday, too, you know,” you drawled out, pulling out your last resort with a slight whine in your voice as you purse your lips into a frown. Puppy dog eyes and all, even Bucky had a hard time holding his ground.

“I’m not good at this kind of stuff, doll,” Bucky finally admits, setting the book down on his lap. He sent you an apologetic smile, mouth pressed out into a thin line. “You have fun for me, won’t you?”

You eventually nod, though your heart breaks a little every time Bucky shoots you down politely, keeping himself isolated and alone at every opportunity. He hid under the disguise of soft smiles, of wanting to finish his latest read, or the certain knowledge he carried that his presence would only end up being unwanted. He was wrong, and you told him so every time, but Bucky Barnes was a stubborn man.

“Ok Buck. You know where we’ll be if you change your mind,” you reply, careful to hide the hurt in your voice though Bucky picked up on it rather quickly. You brush your hand over his hair, the only person he ever let do that, and retreated over to the elevator to meet the rest of the team.

Bucky watched as you disappeared, swallowing back the guilt in his chest every time he had to say no to you.

It wasn’t that he didn’t want to go, didn’t want to spent time with you, because he did. He latched onto every moment he could get with you. But there was something about large crowds and the Fourth of July particularly that didn’t sit well with him.

He knew you’d stand next to him the entire time, keep yourself at just the right distance away in case he needed an escape or something to ground himself to. You’d done it for him in the few times he had allowed himself to venture out to these public events Stark put together, but it never ended well for him.

He’d either end up having a panic attack in closet by himself after he ran from you in the brief moment your back was turned or he’d have to struggle simply to endure the whispers of Tony’s guests mumbling about whether he deserved to join the avengers after all he’d done and if he was even still human at all. Sometimes he wondered that himself.

Bucky let out a heavy breath. The tower was always so quiet when you were gone. He used to enjoy the quiet. Somewhere, along the line since he met you, that had begun to change.

He missed your laugh as it echoed down the hall, the sweet sound of your voice as you teasing argued with Sam over the last bowl of cereal, the soft patter of your footsteps upon the hardwood floors in the early hours of the morning to make the first pot of coffee.

Bucky tried to concentrate on his book instead of the image of you in the back of his mind, but found he could hardly get past the next page. He chewed on his lower lip, willing himself to at least finish the chapter. You had so many books on his list for him to read and he wanted every excuse to make you smile, and nothing did that quite like when he finished one of your favorite novels and you could finally talk about it with him. The excitement in your face, the passion behind your words; it was enough to make his heart sore.

His concentration was shot.

Bucky groaned, setting the book down on the coffee table, and found himself glancing back towards the elevator.

“No, don’t be an idiot,” he grumbled to himself, getting up to grab a glass of water from the kitchen. Even as he poured the water to his glass, brought it to his lips, and drank it dry, he still couldn’t seem to pull his eyes away from where you had left.

“Shit,” he cursed, the weight of the realization that he’d follow you just about anywhere heavy on his chest, even if it was to some glorified propaganda style event with a crap-ton of people that were guaranteed to set him on edge.

Bucky set the glass in the sink and stalked off over to his room. A quick glance through his closet and he didn’t seem to have much along the times of America themed attire. His red henley, the only bit of color in a sea of black clothing, sat at the bottom of his laundry basket. Couldn’t be easy for him, could it?

So, he found himself in Steve’s closet. He rummaged through the motorcycle jackets, the white button down dress shirts, the series of navy skin tight t-shirts, until he found the shirt he was looking for. It was a loose fitting, heather blue t-shirt with the Captain America insignia at the center. You had bought it for Steve jokingly after he found out about his merch line.

Bucky pulled the shirt over his head and adjusted the bottom as it sat on the edge of his jeans. He caught a quick glimpse of himself in the mirror and grimaced at how silly he felt. Grabbing his navy bomber and shrugging it over his shoulders to hide the reflection of his left arm, he did his best to exhale away the nerves in his stomach. He shook his head, not giving himself another chance to back out, and made his way to the elevator.

The streets of New York were always busy, but it seemed that everyone was out tonight. Back before the war, Bucky had loved the Fourth of July; the picnics in the park, the celebration of the country he had loved, the hot dogs and hamburgers, the fireworks.

These days, crowds weren’t his friend and the fireworks presented a problem all their own, though he did his best to push that to the back burner for now.

Bucky twisted his way through the upstream of pedestrians, keeping his head down and hands tucked into his pockets to avoid recognition. He wasn’t too far away. He’d only have to spend another few minutes on his own before you’d find a way to help calm him down. He tried to focus on the smile upon your face when you realized he came. The thought alone was enough to make the corners of his lips twitch up.

By the time Bucky found himself in yet another elevator, this time on his way up to the rooftop where he’d be sure to find the rest of the team, his heart was beating rapidly in his chest. The doors parted to an influx of Bruce Springsteen playing over the speakers, the loud chatter of the guests, and the sizzling of the grill to his left.

Bucky stepped out into the crowd, hands clenching in his pockets as he searched for you amongst the sea of faces. He kept himself still, just waiting for the moment you’d come into view, when suddenly a hand clamped down on his shoulder. It nearly set off his defenses enough to rip the arm off whoever laid a hand on him when he turned around to find Steve staring at him.

“Wow, Buck, I didn’t think you’d make it,” Steve grinned, looking him over and his eyes narrowed on his shirt. He lifted an eyebrow quizzically. “Is that my shirt?”

“It’s all I could find,” Bucky grumbled, offering Steve an apologetic glance though he brushed it off rather quickly as he swung an arm around Bucky’s back. Bucky sighed, trying to let himself relax. “Is everyone here?”

“Everyone but Sam,” Steve replied. “He usually gets a cabin out in the woods on the Fourth. You know, to get away from the fireworks and stuff.”

“Right,” Bucky nodded, exchanging a kind of knowing look with Steve.

“Y/n should be over by the bar,” Steve said after a moment, a smirk upon his face letting Bucky know he was fully aware of the reason why he was at this party and it wasn’t for him. He didn’t seem to mind much at all. “Try to have a good time, Buck.”

Bucky pressed his lips into a thin line, the best he could do for right now, as Steve disappeared back into the crowd towards Natasha who was waiting for him by a table with a series of cups standing in the shape of a pyramid and waving a ping pong ball in her hand.

Clenching at his jaw, Bucky turned back to the crowd. It took a moment longer, but then he spotted you standing by the edge of the roof, leaning against the barrier as you sipped from your drink. Bucky found himself smiling, his heart rate already coming back down, before he could realize it. He carefully weaved his way through the crowd until he stood just behind you.

“The city’s real pretty from up here,” he said casually, watching as your shoulders froze at the sound of his voice. You set the glass down on the wall and turned ever so slowly to face him, as if you were worried your ears were playing tricks on you.

The smile that curved up on your lips, the light in your eye, was enough to make Bucky’s knees weak. You shouted his name, half-laughing as you swung your arms around his neck, pulling him flush against you as you squeezed him. He chuckled, letting his arms drape over your waist as he caught the scent of your shampoo in your hair.

“You’re here!” you exclaimed giddily, pulling back enough to see his face. He nodded, trying to act more nonchalant than he felt. You ran your hand over his shoulder, somehow still able to sense the tenseness in his muscles even under layers of clothes. “I’m proud of you, Buck.”

“Yeah, well, it was about time I got out of that tower, huh?”

“I’m really glad you did. This’ll be so much more fun now that you’re here!” you replied, grabbing a hold of his hand to drag him over to the table where Steve and Natasha were throwing ping pong balls into plastic cups full of beer. He tried to ignore the jolt in his heart at the feeling of your hand in his. “Come on, Buck! We’re going to destroy Steve and Nat in beer pong.”

An hour later, and you were right. Bucky never missed a shot. Nat had complained that he was a sniper and that put her and Steve at a disadvantage, to which you argued back that Steve was a super solider and Nat was a world class assassin. It all seemed to even out alright when Nat brought up the fact that you were trained by Clint before you were even a Shield agent.

It was coming up on ten o’clock, when the crowd began to gather over by the edge of the roof. Bucky narrowed his eyes, watching as everyone seemed to know what was happening before he did.

“What’s going on?” he asked you as you began to drag him over to the edge of the crowd, standing just enough away that he could still be a part of it with standing too close to the strangers. He appreciated you more than he could ever say aloud.

“Fireworks,” you replied with an excited grin as bright as your eyes.

Bucky swallowed, forcing out a smile, and turned away from you to face the night sky before you could see the panic in his features.

He’d dealt with fireworks before, heard them in the distance on unexpected nights in the tower. They never triggered him into the winter soldier but they did find a way to bring his heart up to a rate that felt like it could pump right out of his chest and onto the floor at his feet, make his breathing so tight he could hardly get air in, and brings thick line of sweat to his brow.

Tonight though, he’d find a way through it, he decided. For you.

When the first one shot into the sky, he had to admit it was beautiful; red and gold sparkled amongst the dark blue of the sky, peppering amongst the stars. He only flinched a little.

The second one was bigger, completely gold in color and it seemed to last for eternity as the colors brushed upon the darkness like tinsel. He tried to focus on the beauty of it, on the ‘ooo’s and ‘aww’s of the crowd, but found that the booming sound settled too deep in his chest. He hadn’t even noticed your hand slip into his.

After a few minutes, he couldn’t even look at the fireworks anymore, unable to find the beauty in the sparkling colors when he was wincing at every thunderous explosion.

A flash of the trenches in France, to the roar of the train, to the bombs that took out his friends in Germany; dozens of images clouded his mind, bringing him far away from the rooftop garden. His chest was aching, heart pounding painfully through his veins, and he found himself stepping back, retreating away from the crowd. He couldn’t hear your worried voice call his name, not with the pounding in his ears.

Bucky couldn’t quite focus on where he was going, breaths catching in his lungs and unable to find air despite the rapid intake of his breathing. He stumbled through the sliding glass doors, searching desperately for a dark space, somewhere isolated, somewhere he could get a grip before someone noticed.

That’s when he felt a gentle tugging on his hand. He couldn’t quite make out what it was, his vision blurring, as his feet led him through the loft. Then, he was ushered into a back room and helped to the bed where his aching legs gave out. The door to the room was closed and the explosions were muffled.

Hands brushed along his thighs, then up the sides of his arms to cup at his face. He was breathing too fast, becoming light-headed in the effort, but somehow he could still catch sight of you standing cautiously over him, worry etched in your features as your thumbs brushed against his cheekbones.

“Bucky, I need you to breathe,” you said calmly, offering him the sweetest smile he’d ever seen. He nodded, doing his best to follow your request. Your hand swept over his hair, pushing it behind his ears. “You can do this, sweetheart. Here, try and breathe with me.”

Bucky watched as you took in an exaggerated breath, letting your chest raise as you inhaled, held it for a moment, and exhaled with your whole body. You nodded for him to try and he reached out to grab onto the fabric of your shirt by your waist, bunching it into his hands just to find something to hold onto.

He took in a breath, though it was shallow, it was more than he had a second ago, and he let it go.

“Good. You’re doing so well, Bucky,” you praised, nodding encouragingly for him to try again. You took in a deep breath yourself and Bucky followed, focusing on the gentle hue of your eyes, how you watched him struggle to breath without an ounce of pity, with only a sea of adoration and sincerity.

Slowly, he began to find his breath again. Though his lips felt numb and his head was a little dizzy, his heart came back to a normal pace and you let out a sigh of relief. He barely registered you leaning forward to kiss his forehead before you sat next to him on the bed.

“Sorry, doll,” Bucky said after a long moment of silence. He winced it his own voice as it came out, breathy and rough around the edges.

“Oh, no, please don’t apologize,” you shook your head quickly, turning to face him. “I should have never pressured you to come. I should have realized the fireworks would affect you like this. We could have gone somewhere like Sam does...”

“You’d do that for me?” Bucky asked, genuinely shocked.

“Of course,” you said, as if it were obvious, as if it didn’t make Bucky’s heart skip a whole beat. “Maybe next year? I think we’re safe before the next round in an hour. If we head out now, I can have FRIDAY can soundproof your room and we can catch up on the next show on your list. What was it again?”

“Parks and Recreation,” Bucky replied, a smile upon his face.

He couldn’t seem to fathom how you had stumbled into his life and took on his burdens so willingly. It was a constant effort to remind himself that he was allowed to enjoy the small things, like reading with you on the couch and watching tv through the early hours of the morning, that maybe he deserved to find happiness.

“Oh right! That’ll be a good one,” you giggled, tugging on his hands to help him back to his feet. “I’ll text Steve so he knows we’re heading out. He’ll understand if we don’t say goodbye. No need to get back out into that chaos huh?”

You really thought of everything.

Bucky could only nod, too caught up in how much his heart had begun to swell. A blush in his cheeks as you took his hand in yours, so casually, like it didn’t mean the entire world to him, and led him back to the elevator. You didn’t let go the entire walk back to the tower.

Even as you helped weave him through the sea of people bumping into his shoulders that would have normally set him off, your cautious glanced back to him and the gentle squeeze in his hand was enough to keep him grounded. He found that he didn’t much mind the crowds, didn’t mind much of anything at all.

Not when he was with you.

Thank you so much for reading! ❤️ If you enjoyed this fic, please consider supporting me at my ko-fi account ✨

[metalotaku-da]

Kolivance Halloween 2

so thanks to @leadernovaandthemacabre there is now editing. so less brain bleed. this is shorter. and I have I think 4 chapters worked out in my head currently.

Lance sat at the kitchen table glaring at his plate of eggs and toast. Flat out refusing to look at the rest of his coven. Particularly his teacher and childhood hero. He stabbed his food so hard a grating sound made everyone wince. 

"Stop playing with it and just eat. You need to replenish your energy." Keith snapped. 

"Maybe I just don't have much of an appetite!" Lance snapped back pushing away from the table as he glared at Keith. He crossed his arms across his body looking at the floor again. 

"Lance, we know you're upset but…" Shiro started console his student.

"Upset, no Shiro I'm not upset, I’m embarrassed and humiliated. It’s a miracle he didn’t severe our bond the moment you guys threw him out!” Lance cut him off stomping his foot as he stood, nearly knocking the chair over. 

Shiro let out a growl nearly matching his familiars, but Adam jumped in with clear headed words. “Lance, we didn’t throw him out, he agreed…”

“You threatened him! You threatened my first and now probably only familiar. I don’t even understand your problem with him!”

“He’s Galra, Lance, a quintessence demon. They…” Curtis tried. 

“So is Keith. I don’t know why you guys are freaking out!” He shouted back throwing down his arms.

“I’m half, you ass, I don’t have to feed on quintessence to live. He does! You know what happens when you run out or don’t have any magic and a Galra feeds? You idiot.”

“He fed off you without any warning or permission. He separated us. He could’ve killed you!” Shiro shouted over all of them whirling on Lance. His prosthetic hand slammed onto the table. 

Lance squeezed his eyes, swinging his own clenched hands down at his side ignoring Adam and Curtis standing up and moving towards himself and Shiro. “Why is my familiar any different than yours! You don’t mind when Keith feeds from you or me!” 

Keith’s eyes widened and he jerked back knocking over his own chair. Adam and Curtis turned their eyes on Keith who hunched into his own shoulders. Adam mouthed, ‘We are going to talk about this,’ to the small demon.

Shiro’s focus stayed on Lance, oblivious to the others’ silent conversation. “This isn’t about me or Keith. It’s about your inexperience and gullibility. That monster isn’t going to be your familiar and that’s final. This is my coven, and it’s my job to keep it safe.” His hand lit up with magic for a moment before Shiro gained control of it again. He was panting a little bit and red in the face just registering how loud he had gotten.

“Right.” Lance said quietly his eyes shimmering with unshed tears. His arms hung limp at his sides. Keith and Curtis turned their attention on Lance instead of Shiro as a small hint of his fear and hurt started to mix with Shiro’s own fury and fear. Adam moved towards Shiro seeing the man was practically vibrating. “Cause the real red flag here is that someone wanted me right?”

“Lance that isn’t what…” Adam tried to console lance, knowing Shiro wasn’t in a state to argue with him any further.

“I need to go…” Lance cut in before turning and running to his room. Curtis and Keith both tried to follow him while Adam tended to Shiro, but were stopped at the base of the second flight of steps by a barrier of Lance’s making. 

Keith made an attempt to claw at it before Curtis grabbed his arm and started pulling him away. “Give him a little bit of time to cool down and collect himself. He is hurting and doesn’t understand. Shiro needs you right now too.”

The two returned to the kitchen to find Adam running shiro through his breathing exercises and asking him questions to make sure he was in the present. Shiro slammed his fist glowing purple with magic on the table as he saw Keith move into his view. A crack formed along the surface. Adam and Curtis’s magic holding it up from the assault. “You fed from him?! When?! Why?!” 

Keith’s ears plastered to his head and he ducked and hunched to make himself as small as possible. “I didn’t know that he knew I fed from him,” Keith said softly.

“Is that supposed to make me feel better here, Keith?! That makes it worse!” Shiro seethed. But he closed his eyes and willed his magic to recede. Adam coaxed him to breathe through his regiment again.

“I’m so sorry, Shiro.” Keith said softly. Tears welling up in his own eyes. He refused to meet his bonded’s eyes.

“Keith, can you tell us when and  why you did it? Why you tried to hide it?” Adam asked keeping his own voice calm and level. 

“Last time was months ago, when Shiro first brought up lance’s summoning. It was late, and I woke up to his magic smells. He had filled the whole house and more. It felt volatile. When I went to his room, he was tossing and turning he wouldn’t wake up. He felt like a powder keg ready to go off. He’d felt like that before a few times. So I just ate a little each time when he got like that. Just enough so it didn’t have as much pressure. He’d sleep with less fits after. He was sleeping. I didn’t know he knew, I swear I wasn’t trying to hurt him or anything. I was trying to help. And I knew, knew Shiro would get mad at me.” Keith tapered off looking fearfully at his witch not meeting the man’s eyes.

Shiro let out a tired sigh, “Keith what you did was wrong, but I know your heart was in the right place, and I'm sorry I made you too afraid to speak to me about it. That isn’t an excuse nor are you getting off without some sort of punishment for that breach of trust between us or Lance.” Keith nodded his head in understanding. “You did most likely save us from some serious damage and repairs to the house by doing so, but that doesn’t make it right. Especially without asking Lance first. And it could’ve been dangerous. What would you have done had you taken too much?”

“I didn’t, I wouldn't, I was careful.” Keith pleaded and defended. 

“You can feel my magic like your own. You can’t from someone you aren’t bonded to, Keith.” Shiro admonished. 

“I’m sorry.”

“The one you really need to apologize to is Lance.” Adam cut in. “And I think you should as well, Shiro.” Adam shook his head with his eyes closed. “He is hurting and has no idea why we all freaked out about his familiar. When he comes down again calm, I think you should at the very least give him a rough idea why we are against him having a Galra demon bond personally.”

“He took that a really wrong way.” Curtis said softly.

“I know, I know. I screwed up.” Shiro pinched the bridge of his nose and closed his eyes. “I was just,.... And he ..., I don’t want what happened to me to happen to him. I can’t let that happen. I’d…” Shiro started shaking a bit squeezing his hands together. “I won’t.” He added with determination as he felt Keith take his hand into his own giving a comforting squeeze. Curtis and Adam each giving their own matching to each of his shoulders. 

“None of us are going to let that happen to any one in our coven again.” Adam said softly.

“Lance deserves not to be left in the dark too.” Curtis added as a reminder.

Shiro knodded. He would explain to Lance once everyone had calmed down why he lost his temper and why the Galra weren’t safe familiars. Lance had been with them for a long time. The conversation was way past due. But Lance had never asked probing questions of Shiro or his past and Shiro never offered them up in fear of what it might drag up, or he’d lose control of his own magic much like his pupil whom he was supposed to be helping.

Lance didn't come down for the rest of the day. The next morning the barrier on the stairs had seemed to be fading. Curtis and Keith took it upon themselves to break it and try and coax Lance out with breakfast. He would still be in need of building back up his energy. 

 When they knocked they didn't receive an answer. In frustration, Keith let himself and Curtis into his room. Only to find it empty of Lance's presence. And some of his belongings. Keith wasted no time rushing down the stairs to tell shiro and Adam, giving Curtis the time to look about the room. He found a note carefully placed on the lap desk Adam had gotten him. He picked it up to read just as the others burst into the room. 

"He left." Curtis said sullenly, passing the note to Shiro who it was addressed too.

[makeste]

BnHA Chapter 248: Internships II: THE MENTORING

Previously on BnHA: Endeavor asked Deku and Kacchan to give him the rundown on their character arcs, and Izuku said that he was trying to master his new definitely-not-a-second-quirk quirk, while Katsuki explained that he was trying to find “what he lacks” because he is going for 100% completion in his redemption arc and will accept nothing less! Gotta finish all those sidequests! Anyway so Endeavor was surprisingly into the whole mentoring thing for both of them, but then his own son was all “dad I’ve got something to say too” and Endeavor was like “oh shit” and Shouto was like “I still don’t like you as a person or a father and I only came here to learn flashfire from you!” and fandom was like “HOLY SHIT RIP THAT MAN HAD A FAMILY” and Shouto was like “YEAH I KNOW THAT’S THE WHOLE PROBLEM.” Anyways then they went on a walk, and Endeavor told the boys to try and take down a villain faster than him before the end of the winter break.

Today on BnHA: Endeavor and the Rowdyruff Boys take to the streets and fight some crime. Endeavor spends a lot of time giving the youths advice about how not to be so fucking slow, and even though he’s a bit of an ass about it, he makes some strong points about how a split second can mean the difference between life and death in a hero’s line of work. Anyway so he tells Shouto and Kacchan to work on storing up their power and releasing it all at once, and he tells Deku to work on making his Air Force as automatic as his Full Cowl is. They all sit around and munch on some bread, Deku does a bit of monologuing, and then we cut to ONE WEEK LATER and FUYUMI WANTS TO INVITE ALL THREE OF THE BOYS TO A FAMILY DINNER!? Motherfucker why does the last fucking panel have more exciting content than the rest of the chapter combined. Well anyways, at least we’ve got that to look forward to.

(All comments are my unspoiled reactions from my initial readthrough of the chapter. I did a quick edit for grammar and clarity afterward, and added a few ETAs in the process, but aside from that there are no changes.)

YESSSS IT’S MY GIRLS

is this a new dragon form for Ryuukyuu? it seems like something in between her big ol’ Smaug form and her human form? or maybe this is just forced perspective making her seem smaller than she actually is here. anyways she kicks ass as always and still want to see her breathe some fire

I just realized everyone on this team can fly? except maybe Hadou? but I seem to recall her hovering over some bad guys when using her powers a while back though. I really don’t remember much about her quirk; I’m glad the anime will be getting up to that soon, because actually seeing it in motion will probably help it to stick more in my memory

(ETA: she can release her shockwaves from her feet to levitate! everyone on this team can fly confirmed! well Tsuyu can’t, but her quirk is basically an offshoot Spider-Man brand so it’s close enough.)

moving on! looks like we’re getting some DEKU INNER MONOLOGUE

okay, several things that I like about this before we continue:

look how fucking comic-booky this is. the main character parkouring through the city streets, thinking Deep Thoughts in square boxes? pretty sure this is the first page of every single comic book ever made and I LOVE IT

that metaphor about learning to walk when everyone else was already focused on where they were going to run. god I love me a good metaphor. though Deku, you were technically 15 when All Might actually gave you the quirk. that’s not on you though, that’s on Horikoshi who I’m sure has already realized the error by this point and is probably kicking himself and will write a 10,000 word apology in the volume omake

the fact that SIXQUIRKS!! IS FINALLY BEING ACKNOWLEDGED AS A THING AGAIN OMG. I’ve only waited like 5 million years for more of this, so pardon me if I lose my fucking shit depending on where this is all headed. omg. this stupid manga

anyway!

they seem to have stumbled upon a game of Mario Kart in progress. at least I’m pretty sure this is a Mario Kart character. actually it might be Knuckles from Sonic the Hedgehog

so now Endeavor is MERCILESSLY CUTTING OFF HIS PATH WITH A WALL OF FLAME forcing him to abandon his bike if he doesn’t want to die a fiery death!

Endeavor truly does not give a fuck! not that All Might was any better, punching huge dents in the hoods of cars and shit. the moral of this story is, don’t be a villain. just don’t. because the number one heroes will fuck you uuuuuuup

now Endeavor is yawning and looking over his shoulder at Kacchan and Deku all, “oh you guys were there too?” but not really but basically though

(ETA: oh my god I just noticed the “hit-and-runner” part. have the people in this town never heard of brakes? do they know that red means stop?? also does Endeavor really spend the majority of his day just flying around dealing with traffic violations. I guess technically it’s still New Year’s, so it’s probably a slow day and also everyone is probably drunk.)

god you kids are so slow. it’s because you’re on that social media all the time! and watching all that MTV. kids these days don’t play outside in the fresh air anymore! back in my day!! anyways tough luck you young whippersnappers

Kacchan is grumping that he’s at a disadvantage because of the temperature. I forgot all about that

hey Kacchan I think your best friend has something he wants to tell you there

loool

OF COURSE HE REALIZED but uh, go ahead and spill it anyway if you want. but he definitely did realize. whatever it is that you’re about to tell him

so Shouto says that Endeavor is propelling himself by shooting flames from his feet, and that it’s probably a compressed version of the “jet burn” technique he used in Kyushu. you know, the one he used to fly, and Hawks was all “Endeavor you can fly!?” and Endeavor was all “this isn’t flying, this is falling with style” and we all rolled our eyes

anyway guys. if this is the beginning of Shouto finally learning to fly as well, I will get up and do some kind of happy dance, I don’t even know. do you even know how long I’ve wanted this. PLEASE

lol so Kacchan is all “okay I actually did know that, are you telling me you only just figured that out now” aaaaand yeah. I wasn’t gonna say it, but. Shouto how many times did you sit there and watch Endeavor blast off before you finally said “oh my GOD he’s BLASTING OFF!” sob. IT’S ALL THAT MTV AND AVOCADO TOAST! that noise isn’t even real music! get off your phone and have an actual conversation!

Shouto is so handsome and so good at accepting criticism. what an all-star. please start flying around soon my little Canadian flag

so now Endeavor is blasting off again and sassily hinting at which direction he’s flying off to next. “there’s a major street in that direction”

so now they’re taking off after him

that’s an interesting way of saying that he’s setting the whole town on fire. how do the people in Endeavor’s territory all manage with their daily commute? “almost there boss be there in five... oh hold up... Main Street’s blocked off by a raging inferno, I’ll call you back”

Endeavor says that heroes must be able to do “anything and everything” on their own, which is a curious thing to say in this manga which has time and time again made a point of demonstrating how teamwork gets the job done! I’m not sure I agree with this, Endeavor!

though I guess he just means they need to be able to handle it all if necessary. but I mean, sometimes that’s just not possible. using his own example of Kyushu, there’s no way he would have been able to handle the Hijinks Noumu while protecting all the citizens and fighting off all the other cannon fodder noumus all at the same time. I’m not even sure All Might would have been able to do that. maybe this is an example of how Endeavor still doesn’t have all of this hero stuff figured out yet

lol oh my god

Endeavor that was like four chapters ago, why are you only now bringing this up. act your age

OH SNAP GUYS HE’S MENTORING BAKUGOU. AND BY MENTORING I MEAN PICKING A FIGHT OH MY GOD

DON’T MIND ME I’M JUST WATCHING THIS OLD GRUMP TEACH THIS NEW YOUNG UPSTART JUST LIKE TOMMY LEE JONES IN MEN IN BLACK OMGGGG

so Kacchan is again saying that he needs more time in the winter, but like. Kacchan that’s not like you to make excuses. are you just going to hibernate for three months out of every year and only save people when it’s warm out?? or what

and Endeavor’s saying the same thing

oh shit y’all he’s getting real with them now

oh shit

by the way how fucking dangerous is this town, jesus. supposing that Endeavor wasn’t out here on patrol, what would be the daily casualty rate? first we had that glass guy rampaging downtown earlier, then that motorcyle guy who probably hit a dozen people, and now Tommy and Gina here nearly get run over by a speeding truck. what is this, Gotham City

anyway now Endeavor is saying TodoBaku rights so I’ll shut up

BECAUSE SOMEBODY UP THERE LIKES ME KACCHAN THAT’S WHY! now hush!!

Shouto’s asking if this is related to him learning flashfire, because lest we forget, he’s here for ONE REASON and ONE REASON ONLY lol

so Endeavor says the two of them have to learn how to store up their energy and release it, and how to “condense” their power

you guys I am super hyped about this. not only because BEST FRIENDS PART TWO: THE FRIENDENING!!, but also because this will be the first time Kacchan has gotten a physical power-up in like, ever. (well, AP Shot I guess, but shh.) if he and Shouto are not both flying by the end of this arc then what even is the point!

anyway so Endeavor’s telling them all this technical shit about what to do, blah blah blah, but the short version is they need to be able to go from zero to sixty instantaneously, and release all the stored-up firepower focused into one single point, and to practice doing that until it’s second nature to them

omfg Deku’s so excited

BECAUSE HE HEARTS YOU KACCHAN lol this isn’t anything new, don’t be so shocked. ACCEPT HIS LOVE

though come to think, that really is impressive even for Deku that he knows about that particular technique, because Kacchan created AP Shot back when Deku was supposed to be developing his own ENTIRELY NEW FIGHTING STYLE, which you would think wouldn’t have left him with much time to spare to also keep tabs on his rival and write down his every move. so is his Big Hero Brain just that good, or is this chapter also promoting BakuDeku rights in addition to TodoBaku rights? you decide! but you already know which one I think it is lol

so now Endeavor is giving some bonus mentoring to Shouto

(ETA: why is Kacchan the only one who actually eats his lunch sitting down. these weirdos.)

you guys I love Shouto so much but does he really need it broken down for him to this degree? “son, you know all the things you do to control your right side? try doing those things to control your left.” Shouto: “!!!!” all those video games and participation trophies have fried his brain! too much Instagram! this new generation is going to the dogs

now Endeavor is turning his attention to Deku! but I’m more focused on the fact that they’re eating lunch, because my priorities are just like that

like lol, check out this panel of Deku talking with his mouth full

whole chapter was worth it just for this. boy you’re gonna get crumbs all over your super suit

Endeavor’s asking if Deku can raise his power level subconsciously, and he says he can for Full Cowl, but not for Air Force

so he says the first thing Deku should do is learn to control Air Force subconsciously, and forget about the Bloop for now

and Deku is all “what about parallel thinking” but more importantly, LOOK AT THIS

CAN I JUST GET A WHOLE CHAPTER OF EVERYONE EATING BREAD. LOOK AT THOSE CHUBBY CHEEKS. THIS IS AMAZING

Endeavor says a big part of parallel thinking is being able to do it without consciously thinking about it, and damn he’s right

IT’S ALL ABOUT THAT INSTINCT! also how does he know the man is yawning? you can see him from up there?? DOES HE JUST KNOW EVERYTHING

and he says that once Deku can do two things at once subconsciously, he just needs to add one more thing. damn, he really managed to break it down so that even this chronic overanalyzer can understand the concept

practice, practice, practice until it’s second nature. solid fucking advice

hey everyone Kacchan is still eating. just a PSA

that’s one for the family album. my handsome boy

okay like. it’s a nice speech, but we get it already dude. you can stop talking now and we can move on to something new

so then there’s some more Deku monologuing, pretty much the same stuff he was saying at the start of the chapter, and then Endeavor hits us with this little bait and switch gem

like, the first part sounded almost comforting, and then PSYCH!!!! but I guess he’s just trying to get them all fired up

(ETA: and like, just a few chapters ago we established how the success of these three kids is actually CRITICAL TO THE FATE OF THE ENTIRE WORLD, APPARENTLY. so yeah this is a total bluff. deep down he’s actually sweating and thinking “holy shit they better not fail.”)

and Deku’s finishing up his monologue by saying his maximum speed is doing things one by one. well that’s fine. so now will there finally be a segue?

YAYYYY

OH SHIT YOU GUYS!!!

are we gonna finally get into that TODODRAMA I have my popcorn ready to go!

lmao “and he’s even got friends with him, right?!” ah Fuyu you are the best. she’s so happy Shouto has finally found himself some good pals

OH MY GODDDDDD

HEY WHAT THE FUCK!!!

YOU SON OF A BITCH!! TWO THIRTEEN PAGE CHAPTERS IN A ROW, AND YOU FUCKING END WITH “NEXT TIME, IT’S A TODOBAKUDEKU DINNER AT THE HOUSE OF DRAMA!” AND THEN YOU HIT US WITH THIS. NEXT TIME I’LL JUST HAND YOU A KNIFE AND YOU CAN JUST STAB ME DIRECTLY IN THE CHEST TO MAKE IT EASIER FOR YOU, YOU BASTARD. WHAT AM I GONNA DO FOR THESE NEXT TWO WEEKS WHILE I WAIT FOR THIS CHAPTER OF EVERYONE SITTING AROUND AND EATING BREAD WHILE FUYU PRESUMABLY TELLS THEM THE STORY OF “THERE ACTUALLY USED TO BE A FOURTH KID BUT WE DON’T TALK ABOUT HIM ANYMORE BUT WE WILL NOW!” BECAUSE THEY GODDAMN BETTER

sob. this chapter was basically just a thirteen page trailer for the real meat of this arc. some nice mentoring did occur, I’ll give them that, and I very much enjoyed it. but I’m tired of feeling like we’re just treading water waiting to get to the next big thing! surely all of the set-up is finally done now, right? everyone has their goals established now, we’ve had a mini-time-jump and school is about to start again, and we’ve done our preliminary testing of all of the TodoBakuDeku dynamics and confirmed that all components are firing on all cylinders. basically what I’m saying is we are good to go! ready to get off of this bench! GO AHEAD AND PUT US IN, COACH

anyway guys so here’s a list of what I want to happen at this dinner:

Shouto being all “this is my sister Fuyumi” and Kacchan and Deku being all “COME AGAIN?” because they legitimately thought he was an only child

Fuyu chuckling about how Kacchan reminds her of her dad, and both Kacchan and Endeavor being grossly offended by this

Deku and Kacchan spotting a family photo on the mantel, and Shouto explaining “yeah, that’s my mom, and my brother Natsuo... AND... MY OTHER BROTHER, TOUYA” and then the camera rapid-fire pans to Fuyu and Endeavor and Shouto’s SUPER AWKWARD EXPRESSIONS, before ZOOMING IN ON THE PHOTO OF TOUYA, AND BOY DOES HE LOOK FAMILIAR OH MY GOODNESS

Deku and Kacchan eyeing each other all “holy shit wtf did we get ourselves into” as it begins to dawn on them that they wouldn’t have enough time to unpack all of this even if they had an entire crew of movers on the job. not even Marie Kondo could clean all this shit up. GOOD FUCKING LUCK BOYS

so yeah! lots to look forward to! so I’ll try and be patient. at least we’ve got the anime to keep us all occupied. who’d’ve thought the Basement arc would one day be our salvation. life sure is funny