#i'm only 3 weeks into school & i'm already so sick & tired of it all

[cheekblush]

spent the whole day in bed on my phone someone please assassinate me

[fuxuannie]

i lobe ur writing style sm its so comforting!

can i req a ‘things hsr men do when they have a crush on you’ ^^ (like some would outright flirt and others would be super flustered etc.)

* pairing(s) : various (4) hsr men x gender neutral reader

* prompt : request

* authors note : banabsmwns THANK YOU ALL FOR 700!!! the support really makes me so giddy and very happy n i hope i continue to make content you all enjoy ٩(ˊᗜˋ*)و i'm gonna lay off uploading as often as i used to, but It's not complete radio silence! i just wanna try and write when i want to, and not force myself. ♡

DAN HENG is VEEERY very nervous around you when he's realized his feelings towards you were romantic. He tries to flirt, (he tried to do the 'pinning you to the wall' thing but he backed out the second his hand made contact with the wall and you couldnt find him for a week) but is painfully bad at it.

You smile and his heart is doing BACKFLIPS, he has to clear his throat, turn around and hang his head down low just to fail and hide the pretty shade of red on his cheeks.

He's so easily flustered by anything you do, that man is crazy inlove that Caelus starts calling him delusional for thinking how yours and his hands briefly brushed over each other meant you may or may not reciprocate his feelings.

He likes to talk about you to March and Caeulus a lot, (they're sick and tired of him) but they're just happy you can bring that kind of smile to his face. The absolute adoration in his eyes and the fondness in his smile as he talks about you, who wouldn't be happy for their friend if they looked like that? Even if they're tired of him talking about eye contact wih you for 3 hours, he's happy and you make him happy. That's all they ever want for him.

JING YUAN is subtle, and tries to be cool when it comes to his crush for you. However, he trips on his words whenever you playfully tease back or anything of the such. He even makes stupid corny jokes that aren't that funny but are so bad you can't help but laugh.

His busy schedule does make trying to make time to see you much harder. Unless you work within his organization, he'll barely get to have a conversation longer than 3 minutes. So whenever he does see you during his non-work hours, he'll try to a lot of time with you to make up for the times that he couldn't be by your side.

He's pretty subtle with his flirting, offering to lock arms as you tour Luofu so that 'he can keep you close and won't lose you' and purely out of respect. He's probably really poetic with his teasing or flirting too, comparing your beauty to Aeons.

It's pretty much obvious that GEPARD gets nervous around you, but he's so adorable your heart cannot handle it. You loved to squeeze his cheeks whenever he's flustered, making it impossible to look away and leaving you to giggle at how he mutters how embarrassed he felt.

You're already well aware of his crush on you, (not that he was good at hiding it) but you just needed to be ready. You loved him back with your whole heart, but you just needed time, and Gepard could wait.

He even gained your guardians approval, that on the day you were ready, they would give him his blessing. They knew Gepard was a man with a pure heart, one that was ready to love you with the love you deserved.

CAELUS had grown fond of you, but his crush on you was surprisingly soft. He wanted to protect you, and with what he was capable of, he loved to do it. Your praise in his ears is like music, he could never get tired of taking care of you and it's almost like a love language.

He has such a sweet smile when he looks or thinks of you, something about you makes his heart melt, kick his feet and twirl his hair like a school girl or something. (this is a joke)

Spending time with him usually consists of you doing whatever you want, and Caelus following you like a lost duckling. He likes it when you grab his hand, and drag him wherever. You might be rambling about something, but his only focus is the way you and him intertwined fingers and how soft your hand felt in his.

taglist : @renalord @calxb-do @veezablog

[emepe]

— Pairing: Eren x Reader, friends to lovers

— General info: series, 18+, modern AU, serial killer AU, smut, fluff, angst, hurt/comfort

— Summary: Fate is a tricky thing. Certain situations can’t be avoided as much as certain people’s lives can’t be kept from intertwining. With a serial killer on the loose, and unexpected relationships blooming, how will the universe intervene?

— Chapter summary: The past is revealed to Eren, who can only do his best to prove that it doesn’t change his feelings.

— Content warnings: past child abuse/neglect, drug use, unstable family life, grooming, SA, slightly nsfw, mention of unprotected sex.

— Notes: Sorry for the cliffhanger last week lol but you should be used to it haha. Chapter 10 is now here! <3 There’s a lot going on in this chapter so please pay attention to the content warnings before reading. Don’t be shy to stop by my ask box <3 If anyone else would like to be added to the tag list, lmk. Happy reading!

Links: Read on AO3 | Chapter guide | Masterlist

then and now

It wasn’t always so bad.

My earliest memory is that of my mom giving me a warm cup of tea and honey when I fell incredibly ill at three years old. I'd eaten something unclean and I was stuck in my parent's bed for a week, feverish, with little appetite and even less strength. If I concentrate enough, I can still hear echoes of my parents sitting at the kitchen table, crunching the numbers from their pooled savings so they could afford a doctor's visit. My mom remained by my side the entire time to make sure the IV drip didn't spontaneously clog, or that I didn't move the hand that was connected to it and started bleeding out into the tube. The doctor said a little bleeding was normal, but she was scared of it happening at all. 

I developed a hatred for cabbage, which is what the doctor recommended to help regain strength without hurting my stomach. My father went out to buy it and my mom fed it to me in soup. She'd make a game out of it, and she promised to take me to the park to play as soon as I got better. I remember my childhood fondly if I focus on that first memory. So, I'm pretty sure anything before that was just as good. 

I didn't know until I was way older that my mother did drugs before she had me. She struggled with addiction at sixteen, which was well into her relationship with my father. The only difference was, he remained clean after my mom told him she was pregnant during their senior year of high school. 

I couldn't understand that I was witnessing her relapse after I started kindergarten. Apparently, being four and a half years old is the cutoff for being worthy of staying sober for. 

That's when everything started spiraling. My mom failed to pick me up from school several times, leaving me to spend hours tucked away in the library, keeping Mrs. Zacharias company while she pretended to rearrange already organized books. My father worked long hours at a factory, some of which had to be punctured like swiss cheese so he could take me home because my mom was nowhere to be found.

By the time she stumbled through the door, she was being brought in by strange men. I never met them, I just knew they were there because the noise would wake me up in the middle of the night and I'd hear my father arguing with my intoxicated mom after thanking them for bringing her home. 

My mom looked sick. As her number one fan, I was worried. She was getting skinnier, she barely ate and she seemed tired all the time yet never got enough sleep to heal the dark circles under her sunken eyes.

The first time I attempted to cook something, I was six. I could easily get by during school days. I had breakfast and lunch there, and sometimes Mrs. Zacharias would give me pretzel sticks if I read a book out loud to her while we waited for my father to come get me. But on weekends, I was on my own. My father was working even on weekends to make ends meet and even when my mom happened to be home, she wasn't truly there.

So, while she was locked inside the bathroom for hours, I went into the kitchen and tried to boil an egg. I couldn't find the small pot we always used, but my pink plastic bowl was on the drying rack from last night after my father fed me dinner. 

I didn't know you weren't supposed to put plates onto a hot stove. The plate cracked and stuck to the burner. I tried to pry it off but I burned my hand. It would take years for the scar to fade. 

When my mom saw what I'd done, she slapped me straight across the face. I was dragged by my hair and locked in the minuscule storage closet as punishment. That was just the first of many times. 

My father would always be the one to let me out when he got back from work late at night, and I'd quietly call him from the inside, scared because I'd urinated myself and he'd probably be just as mad as my mom. But he wasn't. He'd clean me up, scrape the plastic from my now useless pink bowl from the burner, and feed me.

My father grew tired of it. All the money that was meant for food and supplies went directly to dealers, meaning he had to spread himself even thinner. When he found out my mom had ransacked the secret place he kept his savings for the sixth time, he snapped. 

I was twelve by then, so I understood everything that was going on.

They had a huge fight and he stormed into the bedroom to pack his clothes into a bag. But my mom was ballistic. She took a pair of scissors and started cutting anything she could get her hands on into pieces.

I heard a series of slapping and punching before my father passed me by in the living room — no money or clothes on him — and slammed the door shut behind him.

Things got even worse.

My mom would constantly yell that if it hadn't been for me, my father never would've left. She'd tell me I ruined her life and that I was a burden. Had she not gotten pregnant at eighteen, her life would be a whole lot simpler.

But now we didn't have any money, I didn't have a father, and my mom's addiction pushed her into getting a job. Even back then, at twelve years old, I felt guilty because she had to work because of me. 

She started off at a laundromat. Mrs. Zacharias visited our apartment because I hadn't gone to school for a few days and she wanted to check in. Despite my mom's foul language toward the kind librarian, she helped her get the job. 

My mom was very happy to work at the laundromat, though it had less to do with having a purpose than it did with the crumpled bills she'd find in people's clothes that would later serve as pocket change for her dealer. 

After a year, she was fired after being caught stealing from the register. It was surprising she even lasted that long in that place. 

But now she was even more desperate. 

And that's when the men started coming.

I spent my elementary and middle school years hearing my mom having sex with strangers inside the room she used to share with my father while I did homework on the kitchen table. 

Some of them were nice. Some of them weren't. 

Sometimes my mom's dealer would be the one to come around. 

One day, when I was thirteen, I'd just gotten back from the school library from working on a group project and I was making myself a sandwich when he came out of the bedroom, still buckling his pants.

“Hey there, princess,” he said.

“Hi, Steve.”

I didn't think it was strange to be on a first name basis with the guy. He was around a lot and that in itself meant it was okay to be close with him, in my mind.

Besides, he wasn't that much older than me. I think about eighteen or nineteen. It just made sense to be friends.

“How's school?” he asked as he leaned back into one of the chairs at the table.

I knew he didn't really care — that's why he dropped out, he'd say — but I still answered him honestly.

“Math's getting a bit hard but I'm doing okay.”

“That's ‘cause you're smart,” he praised as he lit up a cigarette and took the first drag. “You're gonna make it outta here real quick with that brain of yours.”

He held my gaze as he blew out the smoke away from my face. It didn't matter because it drifted back to me anyway. 

“You're pretty, too,” he murmured before taking another long drag.

I shook my head, an unamused scoff leaving my lips.

“I'm serious,” he laughed.

I turned back to look at him again, suddenly feeling shy. 

He had very nice eyes. Sometimes bloodshot but always very blue. 

I always liked how blue his eyes were.

I also liked that he complimented me. Outside of school I was barely praised for anything. 

“You think I'm pretty?”

His smile slowly faded as he squashed his cigarette butt on the floor and leaned closer to me.

“Yeah, you're fuckin’ pretty, darlin’,” he murmured, his eyes flitting to my lips. “Wish I could taste you.”

I could feel my face grow hot at his words. At the time I thought he meant he wanted to kiss me, and perhaps that was all there was to what he said, but I found myself leaning closer to him, too.

I had my first kiss with a nineteen year old drug dealer. I didn't know what I was doing, of course, so I just tried to mimic his movements. He tasted awful but I felt my stomach fluttering at the thought that someone thought of me as pretty and not a disgusting nuisance.

The kiss was cut short when my mom caught sight of the scene and angrily kicked him out.

She was fuming when she got back to me, and I could feel my stomach trying to climb up my throat in anxiety.

“What the fuck is wrong with you?” she yelled.

I tried to explain that he asked to kiss me first, that he made the first move. But she overpowered me.

“You think I don't notice the way you look at all my men?” she sneered. “It wouldn't kill you to stop wearing that skimpy little skirt around, you filthy slut.”

I was next to be thrown out of the house. 

Living on the first floor of our apartment building included some perks, one of them being we didn’t have to climb the metal stairs attached to the side of the building to get to our apartment. There were no stairs connecting the apartment floors on the inside, either, which meant there was plenty of privacy. 

But it also meant I had no way of getting back inside that night.

It was December. It was snowing. And I slept outside.  

From then on, I was nothing but a whore, a vicious slut who was interfering with my mom's business. I had to leave the house each time she had someone over, or be locked in the closet until they finished. My mom said that as long as I was in view, men would be more interested in me, the pretty young thing, instead of her. And that wasn't fair.

Over the next couple of years, we coexisted with each other. I stayed out of her way as much as I could, a habit that ultimately translated to other aspects of my life. And she spared me just enough attention when I needed to be punished for taking money for school supplies and food. 

It got to a point when I started hanging around my high school more than I should. I'd get there extremely early and leave as late as I could without getting in anyone's way. 

And I actually really liked school. Steve wasn't lying when he said I was smart. I really did have a knack for picking up on things easily, and good grades came to me like a birthright. 

I was top of the list for everything.

Minus social skills.

I kept to myself. I was smart but I barely raised my hand in class so as to not rob anyone else of the opportunity to participate. I ate lunch alone in front of my locker to not take up any space at a table in the cafeteria. But I was fine with it.

Everything was fine.

Zeke Fritz was the youngest teacher at my school. He was well-mannered and charming, and he was very popular among all his students — but especially the girls.

He just had a dignified presence that drew everyone in. A lot of the female teachers would shamelessly flirt with him but he always remained very composed.

As the only male born to politicians with connections just about everywhere, Zeke Fritz could've lived a cushy life with a breezy job that would keep him comfortable for life.

But he wanted to be a high school teacher. So, fresh out of a masters program in math, he quickly snagged the open position at the high school I enrolled in years later. Not that an open position was a sign of good luck. For Zeke Fritz, spaces were manufactured for him wherever he chose to go.

He was well qualified for the job, though. He'd also taken a liking to me during my first and only semester of my first year. I was the first to pick up on every formula he taught and he found that endearing. 

“I think I want to be a teacher someday,” I confessed one late afternoon when he asked me to help grade my classmates’ recent pop quiz. 

I'd accepted out of a sense of duty, and because if I had rejected him, it surely would've caused him trouble of some sort.

Right?

“You'd make a fantastic teacher,” he smiled.

So, there we were. Looking back, that must've been the day I dug my own grave because Mr. Fritz seemed awfully delighted that I didn't reply to his request for help with an excuse, and that I basically confessed to looking up to him. My compliant attitude must've looked a lot different for him than it did for me.

He drove me home an hour later and watched me open the door to the apartment before leaving, like a perfect gentleman. I waved him goodbye and he smiled at me from inside his car, waving back as he sped off.

That was one of the last few times I saw him. Because just two weeks later, I dropped out of school. 

Little by little, my mom had built up a large debt with Steve, and seeing that she'd taken loans from different people, whatever she earned from selling sex just didn't cut it. Our water, gas, and electricity bills were more than we could pay for, so I had no choice.

I started mowing lawns, raking leaves, cleaning pools and houses, and walking dogs for extra cash. I wasn't rich by any means, but I'd split most of the money to appease debt collectors and whatever was left to save for a rainy day. 

When my mom noticed I was bearing most of the weight, she began slipping away from her own, leaving it for me to pick up. She continued abusing, and even developed more expensive tastes. There wasn't much I could do at that point. I could beg her to stop and flush her pills down the toilet but we'd just go in circles for hours and I'd end up huddled in the corner with tears, hugging myself in an attempt to feel some warmth. 

I landed a waitressing job at a diner. I'd go three days a week and on my off-days I'd keep working odd jobs to stay afloat. 

On one occasion, Mr. Fritz walked in.

He pronounced my name with surprise. I was even more surprised he remembered me. An entire year had gone by since I'd seen him, and I was sure he had plenty of fresh faces to occupy himself with to remember his student of roughly four months.

I politely nodded at him in greeting and showed him to a table. That night, after he insisted on driving me home, I finally caved at his fourth try. 

However, as we neared my neighborhood, I burst into tears. He pulled into a dead-end street and turned off the car. I cried for the longest time, explaining through sobs that I was tired and that I missed school but I felt forced to leave.

He held me in his arms, his hand brushing down my back in comforting strokes until I calmed down.

He began frequenting the diner after that. Every Friday, he'd invite me to sit with him during my break and he'd fill me in on what he was teaching that week. 

One night when he came in, I had a nasty bruise on my face. In one of my countless fights with my mom, she'd thrown a broken glass at my face and cut my jaw. It wasn't deep, but it was enough to leave a mark for a couple of months. 

I didn't go back home that night. I felt awful for intruding on Mr. Fritz’s space, but he was adamant I stay with him until I figured what to do. 

He provided me with food that night and clothes the following morning. I didn't want to burden him, but he'd already bought them, so I accepted the clothes with a polite nod. I remember my face warming up when I noticed his generosity went as far as new underwear and a plain white bra that fit me a bit awkwardly, but he seemed unfazed.

His place was closer to the diner I worked at, and odd jobs could be found just as well in his neighborhood. So, as long as I stayed there, I kept my routine and even helped tidy his apartment as a thank you. 

At sixteen and a half, I started studying for my GED. Mr. Fritz helped me cram for the math portion and did as much as he could for other subjects. I was incredibly grateful. 

The afternoon the results were posted on the testing portal, I was a nervous wreck. Mr. Fritz stood behind me, his hands resting comfortably on my shoulders as he assured me I'd done just fine. I scrolled down the web page in search of a passing score. When I saw it, I jumped out of my chair and screamed excitedly. Mr. Fritz picked me up and spun me around as he rejoiced in my success. 

Even when he put me down, he kept his arms around my waist as he smiled down at me.

“Congratulations,” he murmured.

And then he leaned in.

The kiss took me by surprise. His hold was strong so I merely stumbled as I tried to draw a distance.

“Mr. Fritz—” 

“What's wrong?” he gently asked me. “Don't you like me?” 

My face warmed at the question, and I barely stuttered out a response. 

“I do, but–”

I wanted to explain that my fondness was out of admiration, but he cut me off before I could.

“Then why can't we kiss? I like you, too. I always have. It's only natural. I'm a man and you're a woman. We live together; it was bound to happen.”

Confused, but trusting that his logic was a compelling argument, I nodded.

“I guess that's true.” 

“And besides, I've been helping you this entire time. I did it because I care. I'd be hurt if you didn't think I was worthy after all I've done for you. Think of it as a token of your appreciation.” 

“I don't want you to think I'm ungrateful,” I murmured. 

My voice was barely above a whisper, but my meek demeanor made him smile.

Lifting my chin, he leaned down to kiss me again. I didn't stop him that time, and he just kept going.

Before I knew it, I was routinely bent over his dinner table or pushed down to my knees so I could repay his kindness. 

This went on for months.

I felt a bit guilty. Because even though I could feel it in my gut that his logic had its flaws, I still let him have his way with me. But a few weeks in, I was convinced I was in love with him. 

It was only natural, as he once said.

People who love each other do everything together. People who love each other kiss in the shadows all the time. They sleep next to each other in the same bed and they wake up at three in the morning to have sex, which ends with the guy telling the girl he loves her because the girl asked what she means to him. People who love each other would rather stay home than go out on dates where people can see them because love is best kept private.

That's what Zeke told me.

And I trusted Zeke. I loved him.

After the diner I worked at closed down, I started making deliveries for a nearby restaurant owned by a family of the name Grice. They could only offer me weekend hours, which meant I had to move my other jobs around but I accepted their offer. Since I couldn't drive a car or a motorcycle, I had to bike everywhere. Thankfully, the Grice's eldest son, Colt, gave me his old bike to use.

Colt Grice was nice. He was only a year younger than me but we'd never met until I started working for his parents. He went to private school, so it made sense we'd never crossed paths. 

Colt Grice also had a thing for me. He asked me out a couple of times but I always politely declined. I couldn't tell him a name, but I let him know I was seeing someone. So he remained a distant admirer. 

One Saturday afternoon, as I was cycling to and from the restaurant to make deliveries, I got lost looking for the last address on my list. 

I took a wrong turn and ended up in a neighborhood I couldn't recognize. Frustrated, I hopped off Colt's bike and started walking, hopeful to find someone to ask for directions.

I passed by a dead-end and there I saw it. Zeke's car.

Confused as to what he was doing there, but relieved nonetheless, I started walking toward the car to surprise him. But I never made it.

Because as soon as I stepped forward, I caught a second figure inside the car. A girl around my age, or maybe even one or two years younger was sitting on his lap in the back seat, fervently kissing him — and he wasn't doing anything to stop her.

Stunned, I rushed out of there as fast as my feet allowed me. 

By the time I came through the door of the Grice restaurant, I'd succeeded in my last delivery but I was a mess. Colt's parents rushed to me, asking if I was okay but all I could do was apologize for the delay. 

Seeing as it was already dark out, Colt offered to walk me home. He remained quiet the entire way to Zeke's apartment building, which was perfect because I didn't have it in me to talk. As I stepped one foot in front of the other in a zombie-like daze, I thought about how crummy my life had been so far. I kept seeing flashes of Zeke and that girl in the backseat. I also thought about whether I should actually be with someone like Colt Grice.

If I was honest, had Zeke never entered my life, I would've said yes to Colt Grice ages ago. He was kind and tall, and he was nice to look at. Not to mention he was closer to my age than Zeke was. 

So when we reached the front steps of Zeke's apartment building and Colt bid me goodbye with a smile, I stood on my tiptoes and kissed him.

He was taken aback, of course. But he kissed me back as soon as the shock subsided. 

Blushing, he asked if I'd like to get a smoothie with him after work tomorrow. 

I decided right then and there, on the eve of my eighteenth birthday, that I would cut ties with Mr. Fritz.

“I'd love to.”

Colt nervously laughed, amazed that I finally accepted his offer.

“I'll see you tomorrow, then,” he smiled, my name sweet on his tongue.

I didn't know Zeke had been watching us the entire time from his living room window.

My resolve to leave him was literally beaten out of me as soon as I walked through the door of his apartment.

I never brought up the girl from the dead-end street. 

I never showed up for work the next day, I never showed up for my date with Colt, and I never saw the Grice family again even after I left Zeke for good six months later.

I went back to living with my mom. As expected, she was still a mess but by then all the crap in her system had worn her out so much that I had to do everything for her. 

She couldn't fight with me like she used to just a year and a half ago, but it was still hell. She'd throw plates at me and scream horrible things at the top of her lungs until I'd break down crying each time. And that just wound her up even more. 

I couldn't just leave her. She was all I had and I was all she had.

But even the most patient hearts are worn out, and so even though I held out as much as I could for six years — and I was probably just waiting to keep her company on her deathbed — I left. She was too out of it to realize who she was talking to, but angry enough to throw a picture frame at the door when I walked out.

I moved to a new city and got a job. I used my savings to furnish the small apartment I found for myself, filling it with soft pastel colors that made the place my safe haven. 

I started wearing neutral colors, not wanting to draw attention to myself, and eventually found comfort in treating myself to the nice things I never had. 

I only went back to my hometown to fill out paperwork when I got a call that my mom had died. That same week I spent there, I heard through the grapevine that Zeke got arrested after he failed to manipulate the young daughter of one of his family's friends, bringing shame to the Fritz name. I never saw him, or Mrs. Zacharias, or Colt Grice ever again.

You don’t seem to notice that your hands have been shaking for a while now, but Eren does. He's been holding them the entire time as they prune in the cold water. 

Tears are pricking at his eyes but he refuses to let himself cry no matter how heavy his heart feels. It just doesn't feel appropriate when he's not the one trembling at the retelling of their life's story. 

Words don't come easy to him, either. An apology seems out of place, and any string of comfort just doesn't seem to cut it. He wanted to know everything and now he does. Now he's just lost on what to say that could prove to you that you made the right call to trust him.

“I'm sorry,” you murmur, lacing your fingers with his, pulling his hand out of the water, and kissing his knuckles. 

The gesture makes him ache.

“I know it's a lot.”

Eren could never lie to you. Everything you just told him definitely took a toll on him, but he’s also grateful that you shared it with him. And you shouldn't be the one to comfort him. It's given him an entire new perspective on who he wants to be for you. 

It rips him apart from the inside to think that you grew up believing you weren't worthy of healthy parents or a proper home. To think that the only time you experienced love it wasn't even real, and that distorted your understanding of the word forever. To think you were present to help anybody you could without someone to do the same for you without any ulterior motives. To think you made yourself small when you deserved just as much as anybody to take up space in the world. 

What can he say to a person who refuses to believe she could be genuinely loved but whom he loves like it's breathing?

If he had met you sooner, he would've done everything to protect you. It kills him that he couldn't keep you from being manipulated and used. 

“Do you still like me?”

Your timid voice wavers in the air. 

It dawns on Eren that he has yet to speak a word, and that you have no clue of where his head has been for the past few minutes since you caught him up to your present life. 

You don't turn around to look at him, nor do you make any other move. You just remain with your back to him, looking down at your naked legs through the soapy water.

When Eren peers at you over your shoulder, lifting your chin with a wet pruned finger, you struggle to meet his gaze. 

“Why wouldn't I?” 

You crumble in his arms. 

Eren cradles you as you cry into his chest like an affection-starved baby. He presses your naked body against his chest, rhythmically shushing you as his hand soothes your bare back and he presses his lips to your temple. 

You cry out twenty-four years worth of pain with Eren as your anchor. Your eyes swell and your features contort in anguish as you sob so violently, the movement reflects on your shoulders and your cries are mute. You cry until there are no more tears to shed and all that's left are a few hiccups as your body comes down from its panic. 

Eren turns on the shower and scrubs your body down. His fingers massage your scalp as warm water pours down your fragile frame. He sweeps the suds from your face with a gentle hand, as he looks down at you, teary-eyed but smiling as warmly as ever when you blink up at him. 

A soft, fluffy towel is ruffled over your hair as he draws out the excess moisture before he wraps a second around your body and lifts you in his arms in one swift motion. You cling to him while he carries you to bed, where he carefully sets you down and he hugs you to his chest, coaxing you to sleep while the world outside your window slows down and darkens.

It's around three in the morning when Eren stirs awake. As his eyes adjust to the darkness, he finds you looking at him.

“How long have you been awake?” he whispers.

You smile.

“A while,” you admit. “I didn't know watching someone sleep could be so fascinating.” 

“Well, now I'm embarrassed,” he laughs, his voice still groggy.

“Now you know how I feel,” you smirk, reminding him of when he's done the same. 

His hand comes up to cup your face.

“How are you feeling?” he tenderly asks, his bright emerald eyes shining in the dark.

“Better,” you murmur. Then you meekly add, “I didn't think I would cry so much. I'm a little embarrassed about that.”

Eren leans forward to plant a brief kiss on your lips. 

“Thank you,” he says, to which your eyebrows upturn in confusion.

“For trusting me,” he explains. “I know it couldn't have been easy to relive everything.”

He clears his throat as he strokes the apple of your cheek with his thumb.

“I didn't know what to say at the moment. If that freaked you out, I'm sorry. But I promise none of that changes the way I feel about you. Not that, not anything. I swear. I won't fail you.” 

You thought you were dried out, but Eren's words draw another series of tears to well in your eyes and cling to your lashes.

“So you still want me?”

He smiles.

“I told you. I'm in it for the long haul.”

As you melt in each other’s embrace, you realize this is what genuine love is. People who love each other want to know each other. They hold hands and play on swings in childlike glee. They wake up at three in the morning to watch the other person sleep, careful not to disturb them because the image of them dreaming is just too precious. And whether it be in light or shadows, people who love each other kiss slowly as words of praise and worship are poured into each other's mouths and warm hands caress each other’s scars.

The last two days leading to the New Year's Eve party at the Jaeger house are spent making last minute arrangements and check-ins with the catering service, florists, pyrotechnicians, and others. 

You and Carla spend the last day shopping. You brought one of your fancier dresses in your suitcase, but after witnessing all the crates of champagne being delivered and hauled into the house in preparation for the party, as well as a preview of the flower arrangements, you felt the need to seek something livelier than the original sleek black silk dress.

It takes several stores and countless fittings until Carla finds you the perfect dress. It's simple but pretty and you and Carla are over the moon with the way it fits you when you step out of the changing room.

The following night, the music from the main house's terrace can be heard all the way inside the pool house. You haven't met anyone yet, but the sound of car doors and alarms have been faintly echoing in the background for a while.

Eren’s fixing his bow tie in front of the bedroom mirror when you slowly wander into the bedroom, in your pretty pastel dress and strappy heels, fixing your earrings as you go. 

Eren's mouth falls open when he turns around and takes in the sight. 

“What do you think?” you shyly ask.

You're in a flowy midi knife-pleated dress, washed in pastel colors that blend seamlessly between lavender, pastel pink, blue and green, like a watercolor painting. The bustier-style bodice is connected to dainty straps in the same soft colors. 

His lips part and close as he struggles to find the right words. When you giggle, he finally grins and pulls you in by the waist.

“Are you even real?” he murmurs.

You laugh as he pushes you back against the wall, smiling and cradling your face with one hand as the other keeps you pressed against him by the small of your back.

Your hands drape around his neck as he catches a glimpse of the angel necklace resting below your collarbone.

“I think we should bail on the party and just celebrate here,” he grins as his nose brushes against yours. “You know, in some cultures, New Year's is more of a private holiday.”

You throw your head back in laughter as he peppers your neck with short, eager kisses.

“Seriously,” he says, leaning back just enough to admire your smiling face. “You look amazing.”

“Thank you,” you shyly reply. “You look really good, too.”

“Well, I remembered you liked me in a suit,” he smirks, eliciting a pleasant shiver to run down your spine. “So… what do you say?”

Giggling, you shake your head.

“I think your mom will notice if her only son doesn't show up to the party.”

Eren pouts.

“You're right. Then at least I'll get to brag about having the prettiest woman in the world with me.”

He enthusiastically pulls you into a kiss, drawing out an amused giggle from your lips as you melt into his touch. 

When he pulls back, you're both smiling, connecting in one enamored look.

“Eren, I love you.”

Your eyes twinkle as they blink up at him.

“I know I haven't said it in a while but… you know I do… right?”

Eren's heart frantically pounds against his ribs as he caresses your cheek with tender strokes of his thumb.

“Of course,” he murmurs. 

Your shoulders visibly relax, like you've been holding back on repeating those three words and this moment has finally granted you with relief.

Chewing on your bottom lip, you nod. 

“Okay,” you sigh happily. You peck the corner of his mouth. “Come on, Carla's probably wondering what's taking so long.”

Eren doesn't move, keeping you in place against the wall.

“Wait,” he says, his voice quivering slightly at the end.

He brings your hand to his chest, giving you a second to feel the fervent beats.

You look at him curiously as your name rolls off his tongue.

“I love you.”

His features soften before you as the words leave his lips, like pronouncing them has lightened an unknown weight on his shoulders.

“I didn't say it back then,” he adds. “But it wasn't because I didn't feel it. I was just surprised you said it first. But you know I've loved you this entire time… right?”

His shy confession lines your eyes with tears. 

“Of course,” you murmur. 

He sighs heavily in relief as he kisses you once more.

“I love you,” he repeats, the words falling from his lips like it's what he was put on this earth to pronounce. 

“I love you.” Kiss. “I love you.” Kiss. “I love you.”

You cling to him, your fingers carding through his hair as he ruins your lipstick with his fervent kiss.

“I love you, Eren,” you repeat, as you fall back onto the bed, where his hand snakes up your thighs and his fingers tug your underwear to the side. 

“I love you,” you sigh as he buries himself inside you, the contact raw without a single thing to keep you apart. 

“I love you,” you whimper as your legs wrap around his middle and he finishes inside. 

You both rest on the bed, hands laced together as you regain control of your breathing. 

“I love you,” Eren smiles, your full name bouncing off his tongue and making you giggle.

“I love you, Eren Jaeger.”

The music from the string quartet on the terrace begins to play, reminding you of the night's agenda. 

“Let's go,” Eren says, helping you up with one hand.

“I'm gonna need a minute,” you tell him as you fetch a fresh pair of underwear from the dresser. “I'll be quick.”

He nods, a cocky grin taking over his lips when he notices the streak of your lipstick smeared on your chin. 

“I'll wait for you outside,” he smiles. “I gotta make a call.”

You nod and slip into the bathroom.

As you take in your reflection, an excited flutter stirs in your stomach. 

Being with Eren doesn't compare to anything else in your life. He's the warmth you've craved your entire life. He's deep in every cavity of your being, patching you up from the inside with his strength and affection.

You decide at this moment that you've never loved anyone until him.

As you trade your ruined lipstick for a tinted lip gloss and you clean the remnants from your spontaneous lovemaking, three little words shaped by Eren's warm voice echoes in your ears.

I love you. 

With one last look in the mirror, you walk out to meet him. 

As you shut the pool house door behind you, you pick up the last of Eren's call.

“I gotta go… Yeah… Good luck, buddy.”

Eren ends the call with a quick tap to his screen before turning to you.

He holds out his hand for you to take.

“Ready?”

The party is in full swing on the terrace. Champagne bottles have been popped and music and lively voices fill the air.

You feast on shrimp and cream puffs, bacon-wrapped asparagus and antipasto skewers. You clink your champagne flute with Carla and the ladies from her book club as you suggest titles for their next read and you look over at the pyrotechnicians as they finish setting up for the fireworks show with ten minutes to spare.

Eren never leaves your side. 

He laces your fingers with his as he tugs you away from the railing to dance. His hands fix your arms around his neck before settling on your waist.

He's not much of a dancer, but you follow his lead in swaying to the music. Your limbs tingle with the light buzz of brut.

“Are you happy?” he asks as he presses his forehead to yours.

You smile.

“I'm never not happy when I'm with you.”

He laughs.

“I guess I'm stuck with you, then.”

“You are,” you murmur as you draw closer to his lips.

He pulls back teasingly, chuckling when you inevitably pout at his evasion.

“Easy, you'll get your kiss in a couple of minutes.”

Resting your head on his chest, you continue to sway. It's not long before someone calls out that it's a minute to midnight. 

As fresh champagne flutes are handed out to every guest, you turn around in Eren arms so you can face the fireworks show. As everyone around you excitedly counts down the last ten seconds of the year, Eren hovers over your shoulder and lifts your chin between two fingers.

“I love you,” he murmurs.

“I love you,” you murmur back.

The two of you kiss as golden lights burst in the sky.

Later that night, buzzed from champagne and with a new bottle tucked under Eren's jacket, you stumble into the pool house, giggling like teenagers who just stole from their parent's liquor cabinet. As you clumsily undress each other and exhale sweet words in the air while reconnecting your bodies one more time, you think to yourself that Eren has managed the impossible — to heal every wound and make you happy. 

The following morning, you'll find a new series of text messages where Mikasa and Jean let their friends know they're engaged, and you'll be even happier.

Two days into the new year, you part from Paradis Island. 

At the airport, as you, Eren, and Carla have a quick lunch before you leave, Eren pulls out his phone and asks you and his mom to pose for a picture together, before asking a security guard to snap a photo of the three of you.

Carla hugs you tightly as she makes you promise you'll be back soon even for just a few days. You hold onto her just as tightly, thanking her for everything, even for the things she didn't know she gifted you, and you swear this isn't the last she'll see of you.

Roughly thirty minutes later, as you look out the window, waiting for the plane to take off, Eren's hand gently envelops yours. 

You turn to smile at him and he dips forward to kiss your temple. 

“I love you.”

“I love you.”

Previous chapter | Next chapter 

Minors and ageless blogs who interact will be blocked

Chapter guide  |  Masterlist  |  Navigation

taglist: @erenjaegerwifee @youatemylollipop @okaystopwhore @bakuhoethotski @f4irygard3n @saybeyonce @indeedbooks15

[smolbean12]

Hi, I love your heartbroken Haikyuu character stuff But do you think you can write me a scenario where the characters receive a really sweet confession or confess to someone? You can pick any characters you want. Also thanks for existing. I absolutely love your blog!

ohmigoshhh you're so sweet <3

Haikyuu!! Characters When They Get Confessed To

♡ Miya Atsumu ♡

Atsumu couldn't believe his eyes. Or ears. Or you. You confessed to him? YOU confessed to HIM?! He quickly grabs you by the shoulder and shakes you. "Ya are not jokin' right? Ya like like me or like like me? Like like or like??? Argh tell me!!"

By the time he's done shaking you and asking you those questions your head starts spinning. "Atsumu leave me! And-and I like like you alright?"

Atsumu obeys and stops but his hands are still on your shoulder. There was a moment of silence. And then:

"Wait- which like do ya mean? Like like or like like?"

"OH MY GOD ATSUMU I LOVE YOU OKAY?"

Atsumu steps back a bit, his hands raised up defensively. "Jeez calm down. Don't ya yell at me."

"Tsumu you're stupid," you chuckled out. However Atsumu doesn't pay any mind to that. Instead he smirks, smug and teasing. "Ya love me, huh? Aww I never thought you'd be so cheesy."

"I know, Tsumu. I have really bad taste in men," you reply with faux sadness.

Atsumu blanches. "Oh come on! Ya can't really say that. I'm a delight, no wonder ya fell in love." His grip on your shoulder tightens. "Besides I like ya too. Ya wanna go out with me?"

"You like like me or like like?"

The face he made was precious. You break out in laughter.

"Yes, Atsumu. A hundred times yes."

♡ Kuroo Tetsurou ♡

Practice had been the same as usual what with Yaku screaming at Lev and Kenma lazing around. Kuroo could not wait to go home, have a nice hot meal and sleep. He was too tired as he had pulled two all nighters to study for his exams.

He walked out of the school gym only to find you standing near the gates. He called out your name and jogged towards you. "Hey! What are you doing here? It's pretty late."

You waved back at him with a small smile. "Kuroo, I wanted to borrow your notes. I,uh, zoned out in class and didn't take any."

"Oh, sure why not!"

He started fishing for his notebook in his bag when he noticed that you were extremely fidgety. You were tapping your foot on the ground, playing with your fingers and glancing around the school grounds. He handed the book to you and before he could ask if you were alright you were already walking away with an urgent thank you and goodbye.

Kuroo went home confused and couldn't get it off his mind for the rest of the night. The next day you returned his notebook to him the first thing in the morning and this time, too, you were fidgety and seemed to be in a hurry. Again, you walked away from him before he could talk to you.

Kuroo simply thought you were sick, but something in the back of his head told him that that wasn't the reason. A week passed before you talked to him after volleyball practice.

'Hey, how ar-" He began to say but was interrupted by you.

"Kuroo did you not open your notebook after I returned it to you?"

Classes for that subject were canceled as their teacher had taken leave due to some family emergency, and since his exams were over too he never bothered to study. "No, not really," he said. "But why are you asking me this? And also why have you been acting so different?"

You ignored his questions entirely. Your mouth fell open in shock and realization. When you spoke again you seemed exasperated.

"Why didn't you? You should've opened! Oh, c'mon Kuroo," you rambled on and on.

And at that instant it felt like something had clicked in his brain. Oh. Now he understood.

He quickly pulled out the notebook from his bag and in his haste a piece of paper fell out of it. He picked it up and his suspicions were confirmed.

It was a love letter. Addressed to him. From you.

He looked at you, his face beet red just like you. "This is for me?" He spluttered out.

"Of course! God, I have been waiting for a whole week for you to reply to it but you never even saw it!"

Kuroo couldn't help but bark out a laugh. He was stupid, So, so stupid. He also felt really giddy. "So you like me?"

"Unfortuately, yes."

Work by: @smolbean12

thank you for reading :)

[lemmilemura]

Alright so I've had this idea for like over a month but only now am writing it!!! Somehow the Simon well hasn't completely dried out yet :D Also I know nothing about the american school system, so I'm either 1. assuming or 2. basing it off answers american friends have given

Based on the show All kept gender neutral but reader has a female reproductive system

Life started going by so fast. Your last week of classes, prom, graduation, and before you knew it, it was the last night you had with your boyfriend before he was leaving for college. You and the rest of your friendgroup was staying behind on Bayview for atleast another year, he was the only one leaving. Of course he was going far away, even with a timezone adjustment.

Neither of you could fall asleep, laying there in his now emptier bedroom. It was already close to 2am, but you were still awake. So much was going to change. Your entire daily lives. You spent almost every moment together, and now, he would be thousands of miles away.

"I can't believe I'm about to say this..." Simon suddenly started after you've both been silent for over an hour. "But I think I'm really gonna miss those two crazy lesbians." You chuckles. Maeve and Janae were both already a little off the rocker alone, but together they were fully unhinged. It was entertaining seeing their evolution, their awkward phases. You and Simon sort of felt like proud parents. You couldn't imagine how sad he must be to have to leave you all behind.

"I'm sure they're gonna miss you too." You wanted to reassure him the best you could, looking up at him and smiling. He smiled back. "You know what I'm gonna miss most?" He asked. You tilted your head. "You....r moms food oh my god it's good! Better than any restaurant I've ever been at that's for sure."

This jerk. This loveable, ridiculous jerk.

"C'mon Si! You're such a jerk." You jokingly swatted his arm and he started laughing. "I'm kidding sweetheart, I'm kidding. Of course I?m going to miss you the most..." he eached out and tucked a strand of hair behind your ear. "Don't know how I'll make to without you for a year."

And truth be told, that was the last time you saw him for an antire year. All 4 of you knew this, but none of you were ready. Sure he was only one of 4 people, but him being gone still changed so much about the friendgroup. Noone to make mean sarcastic comments, noone to be a sugar daddy... noone to tell you were having his baby.

You had all mutually decided to, atleast for the first year, have as little contact as necessary. It really was a random decision. One of a couple scribbled ideas on a piece of papaer thrown into a hat and pulled from. Why you actually went with it you didn't know. You could have had daily facetimes, you could have had monthly game nights, but no. All 4 of you agreed to no contact. If only you'd known.

It was about 2 or 3 weeks after he left that you started feeling weird, sick, tired. One doctors appointment later and there you found yourself, pregnant and the father gone for atleast a year. You knew this was crazy, life altering. Yet you didn't tell him, even with Janae and Maeve saying you should. "He probably has so muc hgoing on! I don't want to throw a wrench into his plans..." you said. "It's not a wrench, it's a baby! His baby!"

You weren't fully sure why you kept it. It would have been way easier if you hadn't. Afterall, you still had your entire life ahead of you. you never imagined having a kid this young, if at all. You think it might have been the dream you had. The dream where you were in a house, a beautiful one, during a summer golden hour. You could see the sun coming in through the windows, you could hear the birds and laughter outside.

And outside, in the perfect house's perfect garden, was Simon, and a child. Your child. The child you just found out you were having. The sight was one that made you happy. So, so happy. You spent the next hour after waking up crying. Because it wasn't real? Because it could be? You didn't know, and you still don't.

So you kept it. You went through all of those months, right until the end. You had Janae and Maeve by your side, and even before it was born they were already amazing aunts, they bought it toys and clothes and even that one "Get the fuck to sleep" book. Without them, you proably wouldn't have made it. That can be said about a lot of things and situations. they were your lifeline, your anchor.

You'll never forget the moment you first saw her, your daughter. After hours and hours of pain and agony she was there. The moment you held her and saw her tiny, wrinkled face, you were sold. She was, in almost every way, a carbon copy of her father. It almost scared you. Not that you considered it, but it was then that you knew you were never giving her up to anyone. It was impossible. Your little Lucy.

Maeve and Janae basically lived with you, they helped you take care of Lucy so you weren't alone. Maeve got the hang of it a little faster than Janae but can you blame her? The amount of babies she's interacted with in her lifetime is 1, that 1 being Lucy.

~~~~~~~~~~

It's a warm, summer day when Simon finally returns home. A year since he last saw his friends, his family. He dropped his things off at home in a matter of minutes and then went straight to your house. He couldn't wait to see you again, to hug you and to tell you how much he missed you. He wonderef if you'd changed, and if how so? Did you change your appearance? Your lifestyle? Did you move on and find someone new?

He had started speed walking, almost jogging, before he realized it. He just couldn't wait anymore. He ran up the steps of your porch and rang the doorbell, waiting for it to open. Through the glass he could see Maeve, still the same as ever. She was the one who opened the door for him. "Wait, Simon? What are you doing here?" She pretty much jumped at him with glee. "Well, I wanted to come visit my 3 favorite girls." "Never ever say that again." Maeve threatened, and Simon put his hands up in defense. "J! It's Si! Can you go get (Y/N)?" Maeve yelled in teh direction of the livingroom, from which came a "Riger roger", followed by Janae walking up the stairs, cradling something in her arms.

"So how's college?" Maeve asked to make some small talk. She cared, she really did, but she moreso wanted to make time go by faster for him to see you, and to see Lucy. "C'mon, it's easy. Fuh-ck." Janae said from the stairs. He heard your laugh, that laugh he had been missing for an agonizing year. He turned and saw you, as beautiful/handsome/appealing as the day he last saw you. "Janae if you actually manage to make her first word fuck I'll give you 50 bucks."

He now saw the small thing clearly. A baby? Why was there a baby in your house? Surely you were just babysitting, right? Yea, totally. You didn't move on, you're just babysitting. Simon hardly had the time to fall into a spiral of thoughts before you pretty much launched yourself at him. He managed to steady himself so you two didn't fall over from the force. You stood there in eachothers arms for a while. "God I missed you, so, so much." You whuspered. "Missed you too, sweetheart" he responded.

When you pulled away you just looked at eachother, taking in your features. Your eyes quickly shot over to Janae, now sitting down, but still holding Lucy. Simon noticed. You noticed that he noticed. Now was the moment. Nowhere to run, nowhere to hide. Time to face the past year head-on. Maeve and Janae got the memo and gave Lucy back to you, leaving the two of you alone.

You sat down and didn't say anything for a while. You didn't know where to start. "Who are you babysitting for?" he asked. Good, you didn't have to start. But how to respond? "Oh I'm... I'm not babysitting..." you trailed off. He raised an eyebrow. "This..." you started, slightly turning her around so he could see her better. "is Lucy. She's... my daughter."

That moment destroyed him. You did move on, and not only did you move on, you had a child with them aswell. He was crushed. There went the one good thing he had. Goodbye future with you, goodbye happiness. He felt like everything was starting to blur and slip away, until you took his hand and looked at him. He looked at you. "She's... our daughter."

He had to do a mental double-take. Him? A father? There was no way that would go well. "Ours? When... when did this happen?" He kept looking from her to you and back again. "The night before you left, I guess. I was shocked, too."

"Why didn't you tell me... that I'm..." "A dad? I just... didn't want to tear you away from college, I guess. I mean, you're finally out of Bayview and you're immediately called back?" You explained. "Sweetheart this is different! You really should have told me!" "Oh, come on, you have your whole life infront of you, Simon! I wasn't going anywhere anyway." You tried to explain. "No, no, you really should have told me! I..." he stopped for a bit and took a breath, the look in his face changing, becoming somewhat softer. "I missed so much..."

"I wasn't here to help you. I missed her birth I..." He took another breath and wiped tears you didn't even realize were in his eyes. He grabbed your hand. "I'm a dad. You're a mom/dad/parent. We're parents. We have a daughter. I have missed way more that I ever should have. I don't care how you interject, I am switching to online classes and I'm moving back here."

"Simon-" he cut you off. "I'm serious, (Y/N). I'm not going anywhere. I don't care about college. I care about you. I care about our family." That made the wall break, the tears you had been holding back breaking free as you started crying. He pulled you in for a hug and you swore you could hear him sniffling too. "We're gonna do this. We've got eachother, and Maeve and Janae."

"IIf she does acrually teach her fuck as her first word I'll also give her 50 bucks." He joked. You pulled away and he looked at little Lucy in your arms. "Can I hold her?" "Of course" Anyone could tell he wasn't used to handling infants, but he'd be damned if he wasn't prepared to do his best.

You watched as he held her, looking over her with love in his eyes. "Hey Lucy. It's me, your dad. I know I missed a lot, but I'm not going anywhere anymore." You laid your head on his shoulder. "We really have a Lucy now..." "We do indeed" you responded.

Any time the two of you played a game where you could have children, be it Sims, Minecraft comes alive or otherwise, the fist one was always, even if you had to cheat, a little girl named Lucy. Neither of you knew exactly why Lucy, but it stuck. And now here she was.

Your litte Lucy.

ALRIGHT HERE YOU ARE I HOPE THIS WAS GOOD this ended up at 1927 words which is really great, I'm so happy that I'm still managing to write stuff!! SIMIN IS A GIRL DAD AND NOONE CAN MAKE ME THINK OTHERWISE THANK YOU AND GOODNIGHT

~Taglist~ @pine-ferret

[overthinkingtaleblr]

Hey. Having a bad week day right now and your blog is a huge comfort. Can I request some fluffy headcanons for PIE?

Of course! I'm a couple days late because I was swamped with work when the ask came in, but this has been living rent-free in my head for the past 24 hours. PIE has SO MUCH potential for headcanons, it would be amiss to not to touch on the softer side of things! I like to think that PIE was a turn for the better in all of their lives, and I do want to see them happy in spite of my open adoration of dramatics.

Time to let them be happy 🥺 I may have gotten carried away. Everything is under the cut! There are a LOT of words and I don’t expect everyone to read it all at once, it’s okay if it’s too much/you need to stop and come back to it later ^^;

Fluffy PIE Headcanons For The Soul (and Anon <3)

Personal Fluff

Colon actually didn’t believe in ghosts before his first mission with PIE. He just thought Ghost was interesting, and wanted to see what the job of a “paranormal investigator” entailed. He was already a bit of a hobbyist, reading some books about them for fun instead of thinking it was real. Since being introduced, he’s dived headfirst into exploring the paranormal and some types of magic. He feels like a whole new world has been opened up to him.

Colon loves the idea of being a parent some day and has done quite a bit of research to learn how to be properly responsible of children. He was considering being a teacher when he first entered college, but he preferred studying forensics to teaching it.

Because Colon is the only one of the team who has never met any of the other members of the team until adulthood, they don’t know anything about his family. Sometimes he just makes things up because he genuinely thinks they’re making things up with how crazy their families sound. They take him at face value.

Though he’s doing way better now that he’s older, Colon had some notable health issues while growing up, and is no stranger to hospitals and medical procedures. Taking care of his own health and taking note of his symptoms and what caused them has made him very good at giving advice when others are feeling sick, meaning he’s very on-top of making sure everyone is taking care of themselves (if they come to him first, he’s not here to pry). Especially Ghost.

Colon has a kind of beautiful and deep singing voice… but he only ever sings show tunes since he did a lot of theater growing up.

Ghost is usually very prickly, but gets more friendly to social and physical interactions when tired. This usually means he actually ends up more touch-friendly during all-night missions.

Growing up, Ghost’s dads taught him to sew and repair his own clothes when he was in middle school. Meaning in middle school and early high school, he had a variety of fun and interesting patches on his clothes.

Part of the reason why Ghost is so annoyed about being confused for the Ghostbusters is that he really feels like they “ruined” public perception of paranormal investigators in general. Despite his irritable nature, he’s aware that there is more to his job than deleting ghosts from existence and seeing every undead as a threat.

This is also why so much of the team’s tools and machines are home-constructed because he refuses to buy tools that the Ghostbusters sell or are associated with and they are kind of an industry giant. Also they were given some training by his dad but he likes to ignore that.

Ghost actually can read, he’s just super dyslexic and he’s basically decided he doesn’t even want to try if he’s going to be such an annoying struggle.

Spooker has a massive collection of stuffed animals that he treats with incredible love and care.

Spooker is actually allergic to cats, but loves cats and cat-themed things. He is willing to cuddle with a kitty if it means he has to suffer itchy eyes and sneezing. Won’t stop him from complaining about the consequences, though.

Technically out of the whole team, Spooker is both the least and most qualified member of the team. Part of the qualifications for the job is a degree in something that matches the field/industry, and Spooker doesn’t have that… what he DOES have is first-hand experience with the paranormal since BIRTH. He thinks that this is the funniest thing.

Spooker has everyone’s coffee/not coffee orders memorized and sometimes buys for the team on days where he feels he can take the detour.

Whatever the opposite of a green thumb is, Spooker has been cursed for it. He has killed every plant that has passed through his hands unless it was somehow already dead. He’s gotten into flower pressing to make up for it, and presses flowers that represent important dates to him.

After developing an interest in art in university, Toast actually learned how to sketch borderline photorealism, and has tons and tons of doodles in his writings. Buildings they explored on their journeys, sketches of the ghosts they encountered, and a Lot of beautiful but haunting pictures of Mary… and Ghost.

Toast keeps a planner with important dates circled and underlined, including the date everyone joined the team, everyone’s birthdays, and other important dates that may need celebration or revisiting.

In the PIE HQ, there’s a random tape of the Great British Bake-off mixed among all the other work VHS tapes by an old office TV. No one’s noticed it yet, but if they were to put it on, they’d see a college-age Johnny Toast featuring as one of the bakers in the episode. He looks so squishy.

Despite his job, Toast actually hates really scary horror movies and finds them to be a little too much. He can take supernatural-based movies since they feel so unrealistic to him, but the blood and gore in a lot of them is too much. Also, a lot of possession movies make him uncomfortable because he’s had to live through having someone he loves being possessed, and he doesn’t like how much it’s treated like the end-all be-all with few options.

Toast has a habit of feeding local stray animals, but doesn’t know all the local fauna and was feeding opossums for a long while thinking they were some kind of cat or bald rat or something, he didn’t want to ask.

Relationship Fluff

In order of who met first:

Johnny Ghost and Fred Soup

Surprisingly in first, Spooker first met Johnny Ghost when he was Gregory Casket. Spooker’s dad had several positive encounters with Timothy Casket and Johnny Ghost Senior, allowing for the two kids to have semi-frequent playdates. Ghost doesn’t remember this at all, but Spooker’s known since after the puppet arc. Spooker considers Ghost his oldest friend before of this.

Always the commanding kid, Gregory/Ghost actually came up with the nickname Spooker, it just stuck. Fred stopped going by the nickname around high school, but chose to take it up again because it just seemed to fit the paranormal investigating job.

Ghost has one-sided beef with Freddy Fazbear’s Pizza because of his time as a McDonalds manager in a city where everyone preferred pizza. Unknown to Spooker, this is most of the reason why Ghost was so annoyed during Spooker’s first mission. Ghost did Not want to be there and just wanted to leave as soon as possible.

Around when Chris first getting used to the team’s dynamic, he told Ghost that he’s far too critical to Spooker, so for about a week, Ghost tried holding himself back and being “nicer”. Spooker quickly caught on and told him that her liked that Ghost was honest and serious with him— even if it was kind of mean. He felt it meant that Ghost would always be honest with him and didn’t see him as someone who needed to be coddled.

Ghost was pretty openly mean about Spooker’s stuffed animals when he first joined the team, but got pretty used to them after awhile and will offer to repair them when one gets ripped or damaged so Spooker doesn’t get upset.

For his fifth anniversary with the team, Ghost made a big deal about not wanting to get anything for Spooker, only to present him with a hand-sewn stuffed animal with the PIE symbol on its little arms and back. Spooker cried.

Ghost tried to make him stop by saying that it was only made from scraps that Ghost had lying around from repairing the team’s stuff. Spooker cried harder.

He named the stuffed animal Tart and lets Woah sleep with it when she needs something to hold at night.

Johnny Ghost and Johnny Toast

Toast was actually seen as the problem child out of the two of them when they first met. Ghost was still kind of shell-shocked and processing his PSTD, and Toast was lashing out at anything because the sudden change in his lift was stressing him out. The two were sometimes paired together by the school’s faculty because they were hoping Ghost’s easy-to-startle nature would make Toast settle down. Instead, Ghost got more hectic as he worked through his problems, and Toast barely mellowed out as he adjusted to life in the States.

Ghost was the first person to really be there for Toast after what happened to Mary. He was the only one who really had an idea of what Toast was going through, and tried his best to give Toast the comfort that he would have wanted when he was going through his own grief. It was more effort than Toast was hoping for and really helped him in ways he didn’t know he needed.

Toast tried to go no-contact with his family around when he graduated University, and maintained it up until the founding of PIE. He saw how much working several jobs for all hours just to keep the lights at PIE on was wearing out Ghost, and reached back out to his family for the money so Ghost wouldn’t have to work so hard.

For the longest time, Toast’s Home Screen on his phone was him and Ghost making a hand heart together… in front of an explosion. Ghost had a similar one as his Lock Screen, except his was over a swallowing abyss, and his Home Screen was all black. Ghost thought it was funny, but Toast thought it was adorable that they matched.

Though he’s very prim and proper with the team, Toast is actually pretty messy when at home. He can manage his own stuff, but he struggles at keeping a tidy space. To make up for this, Ghost regularly marks days on the calendar when they’ll spend the morning cleaning before they go to work, and take note of what specifically needs focus throughout the week.

When Johnny Toast first got into cosplay, he would go to stores to get the outfits and wigs or buy them cheap online and try to grin and bear the quality. Ghost couldn’t help with the wig aspect, but he’d sew incredibly complicated outfit designs for Toast under the guise that he wanted to prove that the quality of the store-bought stuff was That Bad.

That’s part of why he doesn’t want to go anywhere with Toast while Toast is in cosplay because he’s actually kind of embarrassed of his earlier work but doesn’t want to make Toast retire his favorite outfits.

Both Toast and Ghost have had long enough hair to braid in the past (or present, for Ghost), and they’ve had moments of absent-mindedly braiding segments of each other’s hair.

Toast was Not the only person getting fangirls and stalkers, Ghost just looked at Toast, saw him as the hottest man on the planet, and went ‘yeah, that’s the only reason why they’re here.’

Johnny Toast and Fred Soup

Originally, Toast didn’t realize that Spooker was going to be a long-term member of the team, and he thought Spooker quit when he went missing halfway through the Puppet Arc. Realizing that Spooker lowkey sacrificed himself to try to save Ghost made Toast come around to him staying with the team… Spooker also didn’t realize Toast was the other member of the team until after Ghost got back, though. Only Ghost knows that they were both confused.

Spooker insists upon keeping track of the birthdays of ghosts that they see frequently, and Toast has begrudgingly began adding them to his planner. It does require trudging through graveyards or examining old records sometimes, and it can be a lot more work than anyone was asking for… but Toast is glad it makes Spooker happy.

Spooker loves Toast’s art and is trying to convince him to try coloring some of it with watercolors. Toast doesn’t want to admit that paint deeply confuses him, so he just lets Spooker do it for him.

Lacking blood when he’s spectral (a consequence of being half-ghost), Spooker actually struggles with generating his own body heat. On the other hand, Toast generates warmth faster when infected with lycanthropy. That being said, when both conditions are met, the two can consistently be found together, as close as possible.

Unexpected to Toast, Spooker actually knew several werewolves growing up and figured out Toast was a werewolf before anyone told him. This led to Spooker giving Toast some really good werewolf-coping advice up until he was properly cured, and Toast thinking it was just a really insane coincidence for like. A year after it.

Despite Spooker not really having a paycheck for literal years, Toast would find “sneaky” ways to pay him for his work. Toast thought he was slick, but Spooker just didn’t want to comment about how he was being given like 200 dollars for gas money and 500 dollars to restock the fridge at the base. He just thought it was like how Ghost was bad at reading and didn’t want to bring it up.

Spooker saw a picture of Toast with his hair long and in a ponytail soon after college and has been begging him to grow it out ever since then. He thinks Toast’s hair is literally angelic and can’t imagine why he likes it short. Toast just says he got sick of brushing ghost slime out of it.

Spooker can’t tell Toast and Gavin apart, to the point where he kind of doesn’t remember they’re different people after being explained that they are. Gavin feels horrible for tricking him because Spooker is always really nice to him, even after being told that he isn’t Toast. Toast thinks it’s funny, though.

Chris Ghostie and Johnny Ghost

Ghost was really friendly with Colon while he was driving Ghost to his location. It had been a long time since a stranger who was ignorant about the supernatural was actually interested in learning about it and wasn’t judgmental, weird, or gave Ghost a fake smile before brushing him off. They had a long, friendly conversation that mostly consisted in Ghost explaining how the paranormal worked from a professional perspective, which Colon was very receptive to. That’s the main reason why he allowed a stranger with no experience to come with him on a potentially dangerous mission. He thought Colon really had the chops for the job. And he was right.

Though Colon was initially very drawn to Ghost, there was a period of time where he doubted himself because Ghost could come off as kind of cruel to the other members of the team sometimes. It took him awhile to realize it was just a front and that Ghost had a very soft inside with a very prickly outside… that was also when he realized Ghost probably really liked him to start their friendship by exposing his soft side.

Colon originally found his nickname kind of annoying, but Ghost laughing about it actually made it grow on him over time. He’s found he’s grown more comfortable with it over time. Also, he’s found ways to make fun of Ghost back if it ever strikes a nerve with him.

Despite spending incredibly minimal time with the team compared to everyone else, Colon was able to tell the difference between Ghost and Casket incredibly easy. He’s started spraying Ghost with water when he suddenly spikes with Casket activity out of nowhere to startle Ghost back to attention.

He can also tell the difference between Johnny Ghost and Johnny Cranky almost immediately, but didn’t tell Cranky the first time the doppelgänger tried pulling one over on him. He made up a Ton of fake drama happening inside of PIE to freak Cranky out and circulate false information around DIE. At this point, he sees Cranky as the most unthreatening version of Ghost.

According to Colon, upon realizing Colon’s love of research and learning, Ghost appointed him the team teacher so that Colon could teach every newcomer to the team. According to Ghost, he gave Colon the job so he’d stop suggesting they hire or adopt every vaguely paranormal-inclined person and creature, because then they’d be his responsibility to deal with (he did not stop).

When Colon gets really excited about a book, he usually tells Ghost about it because chances are, Ghost is never going to read it so he really doesn’t care about spoilers. This is the only way that Ghost has ever actually gotten invested in books— fiction and nonfiction— because Colon is very, very thematic when he summarizes stories.

While Ghost was retired, Colon sent regular emails to Ghost’s work email as kind-of a diary. He figured that even if Ghost opened his work email, he wouldn’t read most of them, even if he sent something back. Ghost didn’t actually open his work email again until right before he was considering joining the team. Part him wanted to find it annoying, but it’s part of what eventually pushed him into joining back. He used TTS to read them all.

Fred Soup and Chris Ghostie

These two have the strongest stomachs to blood and gore on the team, and first started going over to each other’s places to watch horror movies together. They tried making it into a team thing, but had to stop making it a horror thing when they realized Ghost and Toast weren’t as into it.

When Spooker realized Ghost only recognizes him with the hat, it was Colon’s idea to dye his hair a bubblegum pink. He dyed streaks of his own hair a temporary blue in solidarity, but it was kind of hard to see without bleach.

Colon asked Spooker why he acts kind of stupid on the job, and Spooker explained that most ghosts would underestimate him if they thought he was stupid. Colon thought that as a little bit ingenious and will sometimes join in, much to Ghost’s tired annoyance. To be nice, Colon will take missions seriously when it’s just him and Ghost.

They started putting on Bluey for Woah to watch, but Colon quickly realized that some of the episodes counted as honest-to-god parenting advice and pulled Spooker into watching some of the episodes with him. He didn’t realize it would be actually kind of therapeutic for Spooker.

They have a Minecraft server together. Woah has her own special area that Colon used mod privileges around to ensure mobs wouldn’t spawn. They put their minecraft beds together.

Colon has a lot of dietary restrictions because of his. Whole relationship with specifically his colon, so Spooker went out of his way to learn new recipes and double-check some of his old recipes so Colon would always have something he could eat without a stomachache anytime Spooker cooks for the team. It took some experimenting, but they figured out a system, and Colon is really grateful.

In spite of getting all his information from Johnny ‘they are the most threatening, horrifying thing on the planet’ Ghost, he’s chosen to go out of his way to give Spooker’s demon cat plushie a chance. Though he is still a little suspicious about it getting too close to Woah.

Colon is the only member of PIE that Spooker has personally introduced to his dad without his dad knowing they were involved with PIE, meaning Colon is the only member of PIE who Chakalata likes. (He begrudgingly kept liking Colon even after finding out the truth.)

Chris Ghostie and Johnny Toast

Out of all the members of PIE, Toast was the only one Colon knew of before joining PIE. How? He’s read Toast’s book cover-to-cover. Several times. He has multiple sections and most of the cases detailed in that book memorized.

Colon is gradually and slowly trying to teach Toast to drive in return for more background information about Toast’s book.

A big reason why Toast doesn’t experience curses or magical afflictions as often as he used to isn’t really because they stopped coming, but because Colon started making him different charms and curse-repellants when he realized how often Toast suffers because of the supernatural. He is a little disturbed with how quickly Toast goes through them, but Toast is just relieved to have any break. At all.

Colon was incredibly excited of Toast’s cosplaying when he found out about it, and has offered to tag along with him to contests, or to dress up with him if he needs a double. They’re the closest to being the same size out of everyone on the team, so Colon can actually wear some of Toast’s older costumes if the need arises.

Colon is sometimes disappointed that he missed out on Toast being a werewolf (in cases where Toast gets cured and manages not to get it again) because the stories from Ghost and Spooker makes it sound way cuter than it actually was.

Toast and Colon are both incredibly organization-oriented, and both have different methods of keeping track of things. Sometimes they compare notes to make sure that they have everything since they tend to value different information.

I dunno if I said this anywhere else, but I’m dubbing these two as the biggest nerds on the team. They will talk fandom and understand what the other person is talking about. They compare tv shows and movies and talk about the state of the animation industry and how best to support actors. It’s fun and exciting.

He’s also really good at telling Gavin and Toast apart, but tends to doubt himself since Gavin will commit to the bit as hard as possible and he doesn’t want to make Ghost panic. Sometimes, Toast is Just that chaotic and that’s okay.

Team-Focused Fluff

Every primary member of the team can pick up and carry Ghost with relative ease. On days when Ghost is dazed or out of it for some reason, he has been picked up and carried by the nearest teammate in the chase.

Toast getting strong-armed into keeping track of the birthdays of ghosts has actually had the humanizing but unintended side affect of actually re-learning and teaching ghosts their own birthdays. They all react differently, some better some worse. Maxwell actually eased up on them. Aimee cried.

Colon has needed a surgery or two since joining the team, and absolutely everyone joined in to make sure he was as comfortable as possible. They did give him space and time to recover on his own, but they also went out of his way to make sure they had snacks he could eat and that he was always comfortable and had something to do. One time he was bored to a point that the usual methods wouldn’t fixed, so they set up a whole mystery in his room for him to solve without straining himself.

EVERYONE on the team has a story around biting someone that they were too young to remember but their parents thought were notable/hilarious. Spooker bit another kid while playing a game where everyone was an animal (~1yrs old - he was probably just teething, but his dad thought it was really funny), Ghost bit someone while he was being taken in after being found wandering in the woods (~7-8yrs old something his dads always noted as being a sign that he was a fighter— trying to spin it into a positive), Toast bit one of the servants who was taking care of him when they tried to pry as to why the usually chipper toddler was suddenly being so closed off (~4-5yrs old - his mother’s first red flag that something was happening to her children, but it would be another few years before anything was done about it), and Colon bit a doctor while dazed and waking up after a dental surgery (~7yrs - old his mother thinks it’s hilarious). They find it funny that THAT’S a distinct and notable thing they all have in common.

It’s really hard to get a babysitter for Woah. Options in the past have ranged from random teens in the paper (Woah just does whatever she wants since they can’t touch her), Maddie-Friend per Gertrude’s recommendation (overall really responsible, but usually busy with college or stalking), Spencer Acachalla to keep him from coming on missions after he forced himself onto the team (puts Woah on the coms while playing online games to make them think a six-year-old girl is destroying them… also managed to burn water), Poppy Soup per Spooker’s request (she invited friends over without realizing one of them was the ghost the team was after and got herself banned from babysitting… but was otherwise okay.), and Maxwell Acachalla (Colon was hoping it would be therapeutic. It actually kind of worked. He has no idea how to cook food.).

They have talked about starting a band, mostly as a joke. They kind of stopped talking about it when they realized they would technically be a boy band.

Everyone in the team is actually pretty okay at cooking. Spooker is the most skilled at cooking a lot of food at a time for a group of people, of course, but that’s not the only needed skill. Toast has an incredible attention to detail when picking out ingredients but struggles at measuring time, Ghost is adept at using replacements when lacking specific ingredients but doesn’t keep track of the level of nutrients he’s taking in at a time, and Colon is incredible at making a little go a long way but gets easily overwhelmed in a large kitchen. Also, Spooker most struggles at cooking for just himself, often making wayyy too many leftovers.

Casket will sometimes bore and start poking around with stuff if he can’t find anyone after finding himself in control with Ghost’s body. That’s how the team walked in on him trying and failing to sing Karaoke with Ghost’s hoodie around his neck like a cape after they left Ghost at home for a mission because he had a migraine. This was the most humanizing moment Spooker and Colon have ever had with Jimmy Casket. It was also incredibly embarrassing for Jimmy. He tried killing Toast for managing to get pictures and everything devolved into chaos, but Toast ultimately won.

Everyone tends to wear different styles outside of work than they do in work. Toast actually prefers to dress down and wear more casual, rugged, and loose-fitting clothes. Spooker likes colorful, flowing stuff with sparkles and loose bits. He has also done some bedazzling of some of PIE’s tools. Colon likes wearing a bit of an academia look or business casual and enjoys jewelry. The only exception is Ghost, nothing on the planet will get him to part from styling his entire outfit around an oversized hoodie and thick-soled combat boots. They only ever look coordinated when they’re on the clock.

They celebrate Halloween like no one’s business. They also Hate Halloween because of the spike of absurd cases— both fake and real. It’s kind of hard to tell someone they’re overreacting when there IS a chance that SOME GHOST is crazy enough to do JUST ABOUT ANYTHING just because it’s Halloween.

Thanks for asking, and I hope your week has improved as much as possible since you sent that ask <3

[bowtiepastabitch]

.

I'm genuinely having such a moment. I saw one of those posts, really well meaning just a "I was backpacking in europe exploring all these cool cities for ten hours a day last year and now I'm disabled and can't get out of bed" and I'm just.... really sad. I never got to go backpacking in europe or explore cities and ruins on foot or anything I just skipped straight to disabled and can't get out of bed. I worked part time and then I worked full time and then I started uni and got disabled (but I'm still working because what other choice do I have). I've never left the north american continent, and the sicker I get the more expensive it gets to potentially do so because doing it cheap means doing it inaccessible. I got exhausted from walking around a grocery store today. Half my friends on instagram are in fucking Europe right now, spain or france or italy or whatever the fuck having a great time. One of the kids at the place where I teach is going on a two week london/paris vacation later this month and she's in fucking middle school. Meanwhile, I'm getting paid 8/hr to teach math and algebra and precal for parents who can afford to send their kid to a fancy tutoring center and even though I only work a couple hours a day I spend the rest of it resting and laying down and barely having the energy to scroll my tumblr dash most days. I'm so fucking tired. I pay money for doctors to tell me things I already know but if I don't then I can't prove I deserve my accommodations and even if I do I still feel like I'm fucking faking it to be lazy. I know the "1 in 3 adults in the united states has this that or the other" is supposed to make me feel less alone but instead it just makes me feel like I'm exaggerating and should be able to at least keep up with a good chunk of people my age but I just fucking can't. I can't do this. Maybe if I was fucking middle class and didn't have to work to live or if I was able bodied and could work a normal job, or if I had rich parents and could do the things I wanted without having to struggle for them things would be different but I have fought so. fucking. hard. for everything I have. I'm alive because of the work I put in to pull myself back from the edge over. and over. learning to keep myself alive until I could learn to want to be alive. working my fucking ass off to get into a good uni with a good scholarship far away from home so I could move out of my abusive household and get a good education. I've worked so fucking hard for every single thing in my life and now my body won't even cooperate and let me enjoy it and I'm so fucking exhausted. My memory's not working very well and my body gives up on moving from the couch half the time and I've got vague all over pain that never quite goes away and I can't sleep and I can't wake up and I can't talk to people without being awkward and weird and I can't save up my money and fly to europe. And because I made myself so sick in high school I've got a horrible nagging fear that it's somehow my fault in some way which is honestly maybe a worse explanation than "I'm being a whiny baby about things that a lot of people have dealt with better" and it fucking sucks. Plus I'm living with my parents for the summer because every single thing I applied to for the summer rejected me, so my mental health is wonky and I've got all kinds of little trauma things popping up from time to time but also they're getting better about some things sometimes so I feel immensely guilty to complain about them. And also they're helping pay my medical, even if it is coming out of the rent I paid to them during my medically necessitated gap year. So I again feel guilty bitching about them too much. And my car doesn't work anymore so I have to borrow or ask for a ride anytime I want to go somewhere and I don't have any close friends that live near me anymore anyway. And it doesn't matter because I'm fucking disabled and I can't do cool fun adventure shit and I can't find the energy for big creative projects and I can't fly to europe.

[carrickbender]

7

1. I'm sitting here drinking coffee, but I should be doing chores. It's a nice day, bug wants to do stuff later, there's email to catch up on... so yeah, do weeks really end?

2. Friday night was fantastic: got off work, listened to my mothers epic complaining while I took the flat tire off of her old suv, lost my phone, took it to town to be fixed only to find my phone on the bumper(IT WENT 10 MILES ON THE BUMPER AT 65+ MPH TO TOWN!!!!! PRAISE ALL THE GODS IT STAYED!!!!), got the tire fixed and back on the car in a very bad spot, went home, buggy got sick and I had to clean up his #2 mess<poor guy>, and I slept on the couch because sleeping is awful in a bed anymore. Great start, huh?

3. My current shame storm is making a hurricane look like a passing shower. No matter what I do, what I accomplish, how hard I try, it's just not enough. It's a stupid thing, and no matter how much I try to do the affirmations, they aren't working. #backtosquareone

4. I have a drs appointment tomorrow, and I'm dreading it. I've gained 5 lbs(or so my messed up scale says), but my pants fit better, so I dunno. Plus, there's the pain in other places thanks to fluid build up. Just another fun thing that's happened since I had bypass surgery. #insulttoinjury

5. I think after a certain age you should be able to trade certain things that still work on your body for things that would be more useful. For example, I'd gladly trade my still working sex drive for the ability to thrive on 3-4 hours a night of sleep. That way I could trade one useless thing for a useful thing. Pardon me for being slightly bitter. Im just over it. To be honest I wish I was working the 60-70 hour a week schedule and going to school like I was before. At least then I wouldn't think about it as much. #thanksihateit

6. My former employer is having a big meeting w/investors and politicians on the 25th, and theres rumours it might start back up. So im sending the HR manager my updated resume, and starting the conversation about a shift supervisor position. To be honest, I'd kill for it, and it would keep me on career trajectory. Fingers crossed.... I love my new job but I can't afford to work there.

7. I'm sorry to be such a negative person but I'm kinda reaching a hard spot in my journey. I have no real time to stop and process because if I did I think it would derail part of the rebuilding process for my life I started a few years ago. Part of that rebuilding process was prioritizing financial security, so even considering all the other stuff has to take a backseat... but how to do it when you're a novice at self care and are trying to reprogram your already f'ed up brain is another thing entirely. Bono wrote it best in the song Cedars of Lebanon: "The worst of us are a long drawn out confession; The best of us are geniuses of compression.You say you're not going to leave the truth alone.I'm here 'cause I don't want to go home".

Thanks for letting me vent. This week will be better... I think. Much love!

[koumeowkami]

🪐 no celestial ; kanallen

— chapter three

"Kanata was a poor little angel that heaven couldn't help. He'd always been a tough one, not trusting anyone but his little brother Nayuta, the only person that ever made him feel love. Growing up by themselves, he did everything in his power to protect his sick brother, things that dirtied his holy hands. "It's for a good cause though", he thought. But it wasn't enough, and Nayuta died soon after.

Kanata's soul was completely spent. He became unable to feel love, and adding to his dirty dealings that soon were found out, he got cast out of heaven. Fallen on Earth with his wings blackened, he felt so lost and empty he thought he could've just died.

But a random encounter with a very annoying, persistent, stupid redhead human boy would've made him discover love again."

1430 words

genre: supernatural, hurt/comfort, angst

warnings: none

previous ✧ next

Allen was finally back to his apartment, tired and with his mind clearly elsewhere. It was almost 3 AM. While he was trying really hard to be as quiet as possible, the lights in the living room were suddenly turned on.

"Where the hell were you!?"

Standing there was Anne, arms crossed and a scowl on their face. Hajun was behind them, looking immovable as always.

"Do you have any idea how late it is? I thought you fell asleep in front of your laptop!" Anne whispered-shouted, getting closer to Allen looking at him inquisitively. They might look cute and all but God, were they scary when angry.

"Sorry... I just took a detour when coming here. Tonight's soft breeze is so relaxing..." Allen replied, smiling softly with his head lowered. For some reason, he couldn't tell them about his encounter in the park. Well, he'd probably never see Kanata again anyways, would he?

Anne kept looking at him weirdly, as if they were trying to spot a lie, but in the end they accepted his answer. "Well nevermind, it's too late for a discussion now. We have school tomorrow so we'd better head to bed" they said yawning, and went towards their room. Hajun, who had been silent the whole time, got closer to Allen. "Don't go wander so late ever again, alright? Because if you don't get up in time for class the next day, we're leaving you here" he whispered, flashing a smile that made Allen gulp in fear.

"Understood."

Probably half an hour had passed, and Allen still had his eyes fixed on the ceiling of his room. He just couldn't stop thinking about what happened that night. For some reason, he was instantly attracted to that kid, as if he was put under some spell. He felt like he couldn't leave him alone. Behind the rage in those galaxy-colored eyes he saw so much suffering, one he couldn't ever imagine. Behind that steel barrier he put in front of his heart, he could feel his loneliness. He wasn't able to understand why Kanata would force himself to deny that despite everything.

Frustrated, he got up and sat in front of the window, gazing at the shining moon.

"How can I go beyond that wall of yours?"

— ☾ —

"...Allen? Hello? Earth to Allen!"

With a gasp, Allen paused the music in his headphones and raised his head from his songwriting notebook. He was faced with a pouting Anne, who was sitting across from him at one of the university's cafeteria tables.

"Huh? What is it...?"

"Look, I know you always get invested when doing anything that has to do with hiphop, but you've been really out of it for the past week. I've been calling you for five whole minutes!" they said, exasperated.

"Are you okay? You haven't even had your lunch yet" Hajun pointed to the ramen sitting beside the notebook, "We have class in fifteen minutes, so hurry up please. I don't want to be late because of you." he said, sipping on his coffee.

"Don't worry, I'm okay! It's just that I'm having trouble with this one... I haven't gotten much sleep lately either" Allen smiled, "I'm gonna finish lunch quickly, you guys can go already!"

Anne and Hajun took their bags. "We're waiting for you in the hallway, alright?"

"Sure thing! See you there!"

— ☾ —

Hajun and Anne walked, an awkward silence filling the air.

"So..." Anne started, looking at the boy beside them, "Have you also noticed something weird about Allen, lately?"

"Of course I did. He's awful at lying and keeping secrets, he wears his heart on his sleeve after all." Hajun said, "It all started when he came home late the other day..."

"Yeah. He always looks like there's something on his mind but he won't tell us! Ugh, it's so frustrating!" Anne pouted again, slightly gripping their hair, "I know he doesn't want us to worry... but if something is troubling him I don't wanna leave him alone!" they said, closing their hands in a punch, resoluted.

"Oh Anne, you're so cute~" Hajun teased playfully at the little display of protectiveness from Anne. "Shut up! I know damn well you'd do the same for him, even though you pretend not to!" they replied while crossing their arms.

"I wonder?" he giggled, while his eyes confirmed Anne's words.

— ☾ —

"Guys, I'm gonna head out for a bit to breathe some fresh air! I'll be back for dinner!"

Allen sprinted towards the park. There was one in a million possibilities that Kanata would still be there, but he wanted to see that with his own eyes. He hadn't stopped thinking about their conversation for the whole week, he tried to pour his feelings on a piece of paper like he always did, but something was missing. He thought that seeing Kanata would've cleared up his mind a bit.

The park was already almost empty when he got there, most people were already heading back home or going to eat somewhere; he immediately reached the most hidden part, where he was sure Kanata would be hiding, then wandered slowly to catch him, but to no avail.

"Tch. You're here again."

Allen turned around, eyes widened.

"You're still... here?" he said, looking over at the boy. His once white clothes got dirtier than the time before, his long hair a bit tousled, his eye bags bigger, his skin paler. Allen's heart was hurting. "Why does he keep doing that to himself?" he thought.

"Not that I could be anywhere else. I'm too tired to walk around this huge city" Kanata sat on a bench, "Didn't I tell you to fuck off, the other day? But you still came to me... you're really that stupid, huh."

His piercing gaze intimidated Allen slightly, but he still stepped forward. No matter what, he had to make his words reach the boy.

"Well... I just wanted to see you. You've been on my mind for a while" he said shyly, looking somewhere else, "And I still have a promise to keep after all. I really wanna understand you better."

"The only thing you gotta understand is that I wanna be left alone and yet you keep annoyin' me and bein' a creep. So I'm gonna tell you again, fuck off."

Allen looked at him properly and clenched his fists. There it was, that huge wall in front of his heart again. He didn't want to forcefully pry into Kanata's past, but he also didn't like standing there and watching him suffer. That boy surely didn't deserve it, despite what he said.

"I'm not going anywhere. Why do you want me not to get close to you? I'm not scared of you..." he got a bit closer, approaching him steadily but still not too much, "And no matter how much you push me away, I'll come back, 'cause I know deep inside... you don't wanna be alone. I know the loneliness in your heart, I know the pain-"

"...You don't know shit about me!!"

Kanata stood up, gritting his teeth. He pushed Allen, who only moved slightly. "Who do you think you are? Thinkin' you know me oh so well to make such stupid assumptions. You don't know all the shit I went through, the reasons why I ended up like this..." he said shivering, "You don't know why I deserve... all of this..."

"All I know is that you don't deserve it! I can feel you're not a bad person, and no matter what you did, there's always a second chance! The world is full of possibilities!"

"You're so naive it's pathetic... is your head filled with flowers and butterflies? Only the gifted ones are given second chances. If you've gone once through the mud, you're stuck in the dirt forever." Kanata wasn't looking at Allen anymore, the latter's eyes too intense they made him flinch. "Wake the fuck up, Suzaku. This is the real world, a fuckin' pile of garbage!"

Allen's gaze softened, but still let his tenacity flow out. "Well... if you put it like that, then I'm gonna prove you wrong. I will be the one to give you a second chance!" he said smiling proudly, "How about you move in with me and my roommates? Don't worry, we'll give you lots of personal space! The apartment is big after all and-"

"...He said what!?"

"Anne, you should lower your voice..."

Allen heard some not so muffled voices behind the bushes and immediately turned around.

"Anne... Hajun...!?"

[kelmcdonald]

How is it already April?

crossposted from my newsletter.

Thanks to everyone who came to Emerald City and stopped by! While I did recover from my sinus infection before going, my throat/voice didn't come back until like a week or 2 ago.

This month I'm redoing the Fame and Misfortune live reading. If you don't remember, when I did it in February my mic was broken. I have a new mic! So take two of the live reading is happening! Tune into my twitch on April 22nd at noon PST.

This month is also the release month of The Lizard Prince and Other South American Stories. This is the last Cautionary Fables and Fairytales volume. Iron Circus told me they will get the warehouse at the end of the month. Then it can start going out to backers and stores! 

Also, I want to give a shout out to my pal Matt Wilson's Zoop campaign, Imposter Syndicate. It's about folks who are hired to take over supervillian mantles after a supervillian dies or goes to jail. It has 11 days left to fund. 

Also this month's full moon movie is The Wolf Man, the one for the 40s. If you'd like to join we'll be watching it on April 6th at 4pm PST. Just click here to join the discord.

As always I'll be streaming art on Twitch. My schedule is currently the following:

Tuesday 8pm-10pm PST

Wednesday 8pm-10pm PST

Thursday 6pm-9pm PST (during the Iron Circus Geekshow)

March kicked my ass. Between Emerald City and being sick, I had a lot to catch up on. Both from Seven Seas, Iron Circus, and my comics all had a stack of work to finish up. Honestly, I'm kinda depressed about the fact that I still haven't been able to finish Blue Moon. While Spike is understanding about the delays (given that organizing crowdfunds for her is part of the delay), I'm frustrated at the lack of progress. 

I'm also kinda frustrated with my art lately. Last month I mentioned I might have to put You are the Chosen One on hiatus after the current chapter, but I think I might switch to every other week. It's only way I'm gonna have time to push myself on it the way I want. Regardless, I'd rather wait for Chapter 3 to wrap up before making that schedule change. Until then. I'll just be tired I guess.

But because I don't know any better, I started learning Japanese from Duolingo and Rosetta Stone. I appreciate that they are small enough lessons that I can do them little bit by little bit.  Anyway, while working this is what I've been watching and reading:

History of the World Part 2 - I basically grew up on Mel Brooks movies. I've seen all his movies before graduating high school. So when Hulu said it was making a History of the World Part 2 series, I had to watch it. I didn't quite know what to expect, but had to check it out. Like many sketch shows, the sketches are hit or miss. But when it's funny it's REALLY funny. Johny Knoxvill plays Rasputin in a jackass parody that shows all the way Rasputin is killed and it's so much funnier than it has any right to be. It's definitely worth a watch if you like Mel Brooks.

Palm Springs - This is another comedy where I didn't know what to expect. Groundhog Day but starring Andy Samberg didn't strike me as super original but the trailer looked funny, so I put it on while drawing. It was not only funny but much more heartfelt than I expected. Andy Samberg's characters starts the movie as having already been in the time loop for a long time. He has to relive a wedding he's a guest at over and over. The movies starts when the sister of the bride gets trapped in the timeloop with him. Having two people in the time loop gives it more interesting dynamic than the usual timeloop story. Both characters' different approach to the timeloop adds push and pull to the relationship. And it is just really funny. 

Tár - Right before Emerald City Comic Con a youtuber I like, Maggie Mae Fish, made a video about this movie. And how it examines how people abuse power. The basic summary of the movie is Tár is a conductor at the top of her field and she keep abusing her power, mostly to sleep with/date/groom young attractive women that work for her. It's an interesting movie because if it was about a man it would be a cliche. But because Tár is a woman, the movie can focus on the details and specifics of her abuse of power. There is a lot of attention to detail that helps the movie work on another level. I think if I say anything more, then I'd end up getting into spoilers/would basically be writing an essay about it.

Wolf Pack - I thought this was a sequel to MTV's Teen Wolf. And it is not. It has the same show runner and effects team, so it LOOKS like it should be connected to Teen Wolf, but instead it's much more serious. Which is kinda a shame. The show is kinda stiff in its seriousness. There are interesting bits here and there, like all the werewolves only get one werewolf power unless they are all together. But in its attempt to be series, it also tries to throw in one too many twists and then ends the show by taking a sharp turn into ableist messaging. 

Witch Hat Atelier Volume 1 by Kamome Shirahama - Last month I mentioned I've been listening to the podcast Mangasplaining. This and the next pick are the first of what will probably be several manga I check out based on that podcast. I had been recommended Witch Hat Atelier before and just put it off because time. Mangasplaining reviewing it was the final push I needed. They basically mentioned that magic in this series is 100% a metaphor for art. And appropriately, the art is just so beautiful that it's inspiring. I think it and Ghost Cage were part of what made me think I need to take the time to level up my art.

Delicious in Dungeon by Ryoko Kui - This series I read a bunch of before the pandemic and then the library stopped being up to date on it/interrupted me checking em out regularly. If you aren't familiar, it's about dnd style adventurers exploring a dungeon and experimenting with cooking the monsters they kill (so they don't have to go back for supplies). It's almost over so I went and grabbed the books I hadn't read yet (like 5 I think). This one is really cute and I've liked how the plot has developed from the original premise to something with more complicated.

Ghost Cage by Nick Dragotta and Caleb Goellner - I picked this up because I know both Nick and Caleb. They had the first few issues at SDCC and I made a note to grab the trade when it's out. The premiss is this little robot guy has to fight personifications of what humans use for power (above is Fossil Fuel). The art is the real star of the show. It looks cool as hell and it is the star of the show. The paneling is really rad and interesting. Like I said with Witch Hat Atelier, it left me inspired to try and up my art.

Backpacking through Bedlam (Book 12 in Incryptid series) by Seanan McGuire - The Incryptid series is about a family of Cryptozoologists. This books picks up right after a semi cliffhanger from the last book. It's kinda hard to talk about it on its own. I liked it but I kinda wish it and the book right before it were one book.

That's everything I've been from me this month. I hope I can get a little more time to focus on stuff.

[vanaera]

So I guess I am back

Hello, this is just a random update. It's been so long. I think I left this blog inactive for 2 years(?). So...basically life happened. I graduated from uni, struggled in the last 2 years of uni, and now I'm in my 1st year in law school.

Anyways, I'm here just to let ya'll know I'm still alive and I'm still planning to finish my ongoing fics (especially The Heart Holiday and TPAHR). I missed my babies so much.

For those who waited for me, thank you so much for your patience and I apologize for this super late notice and quite tired(?)-sounding post. Law school messed up my sleeping schedule and I sleep an average of 3 hours daily so I hope for your kind understanding.

So for just a quick catch-up on what I've been up to before I left this app:

🌸 I had COVID in 2021 and I almost delayed myself from graduating bc I was so sick and I was struggling with my thesis that I felt the need to drop it. Luckily, I didn't drop it and I was able to finish it on time. Big shout out to my family who knew I would hate myself if I didn't graduate on time and supported me all throughout my thesis era. Ya girl is a Magna Cum Laude graduate 🏅

🌸 I applied for law school, not really thinking I would get in (bc I was already dying bc of my thesis and the review period starts the same period of my thesis writing). I just applied for the experience so if I fail, at least I already know how to answer the exam for the following year. So I was shocked that not only did I pass, I was able to get into the top law school in my country.

🌸 I rekindled my love for watching anime and reading mangas/manhwas/manhuas. I've been in love with these stuff since I was 6 yrs old and they helped me keep sane in the past 2 years.

🌸 I love Haikyuu and I've been an avid fanfic reader of Haikyuu fics. It's amazing and I enjoyed myself a lot so expect some reblogs of anime-related content.

🌸 Last anime watched: Chainsaw Man

🌸 Last manhwa read: We are not Dating

🌸 I still love BTS and I listen to their music although I'm not as active as a fan like I used to be. I also started stanning groups like ATEEZ and The Boyz.

🌸 I started getting into Western shows (sorry, Kdramas took up the entire 20 years of my life) and oh my god, I love Breaking Bad and that show is hands-down one of the best I've ever seen. Better Call Saul is amazing (tho I haven't finished this yet) and Stranger Things is also cool.

🌸 Currently enjoying my subjects Criminal Law and Civil Law. I hate Political Law bc it's kinda draining and the cases are boring and my god the great disparity of page numbers in Political Law cases - they're either 10 pages long or 185 pages long and I have to read them all (they're 11 Arial, single spacing, narrow margin).

That's all for tonight as it's already 11:52 PM here and I have to get back to studying. Anyways, it's great to see ya'll again and I can't wait to start writing again in this blog! 🤗💖 Have a good week ahead, cuties! I'm wishing you all the best in your school/work/other stuff you're doing! 🍀💗🍀💗

[gremzon]

My parents are back at the "you should go to uni" and I'm already tired of it. This time they want me to try to study in another country. Yea going to Finland sounds cool but don't you realise that. I'm too disabled to study at all- especially living alone???

I'm a almost-20-yo-child, I can't even try to picture myself as an adult. I'm not responsible. Idk how to feed myself. I'm scared of being alone. But also I can't stand roommates if they are someone else than my parents. I'm a fucking BABY. I didn't even survive the 2 months of uni I tried last year before dropping out. High school was so rough I no joke need 20 years of rest. Or maybe just my entire life. I don't care about academic life. I survived until I graduated high school and I don't want to ever have to fight for my survival again.

Call me selfish but I never ask to live in this capitalistic world where you need to work until you die to be able to eat a single slice of bread a day. I don't care if people insult me because one day I'll be 30 and still rotting in my parent's attic. All I want is to live without being in pain. Without being depressed. Without being exhausted. Without being stressed. And I only achieved this after 6 months I dropped out. It's the first time of my life that I feel like I'm someone. First time of my life I'm proud because I'm working on projects and achieving goals I set to myself. First time of my life I feel like the things I do are actually useful, they actually make me happy.

In high school, I had to skip 2/3 days A WEEK because I was so exhausted I couldn't get up from bed. I was sick of seeing people. Sick of masking. Sick or working. Sick of trying my best to graduate so I don't have to spend an extra year in that hell. It was exhausting, I spent years with brain fog. years wondering if I'll still be alive the next day, because suicidal thoughts were going crazy. "Why am I even still alive? If I end it now, I'll never have to work.".

I don't care if people see me as pathetic, I don't give a shit at how people see me. I rather say at my parents' house forever and be happy with my stupid little hobbies than force myself to go to uni and get a job only to make people I don't even know happy.

I JUST WANT YO FUCKING LIVE

[deeppearldiver]

6.24.24

It's been a long time since I posted on this blog; I know no ones looking but this stands as another commitment I made to myself shattered. Since I've last posted I've enrolled in early college, missed the last 3 weeks of school, and found out my mother was bipolar. More has happened, but I can't seem to remember much else.

I'm excited for early college, though I'm nervous for the workload. As for the other 2 major events, my mother had an episode(?) in which she felt like she was going to be killed. She walked into my room on a Sunday morning and told me someone was trying to kill her and we were leaving. The night before she lied to me, saying she was going out to get Afghan food, she asked if I wanted to come. I said no. She was gone for a couple hours, I got a bit worried and checked her location. She was at the airport, I, like an idiot, gave her the benefit of the doubt, assuming that there was a restaurant in the airport. I got a bit suspicious when they didn't bring any leftovers, and my siblings all rummaged through the fridge looking for something to eat. But again, benefit of the doubt. Maybe the portions were small, or the food was expensive, or they didn't like it. Then I woke up the next morning. I cried, begged, and screamed; she didn't care. She took my phone, saying that it was being tracked. I begged her to give it back, she said she would after I packed, so I did, then she said it was on the bookshelf, I couldn't find it, then she said she'd bring it to the airport. I swore would never trust her again if she didn't, and that's something I'm sticking too. When we got to the airport, all of the sudden, she mentioned she forgot, I didn't think that I could manage to be mad while I felt so helpless, yet I'd never been angrier. It was the phone, but also the fact that she kept lying, she didn't care about me, how I would feel, how it would affect me. She told the lady at the service desk I was mad because she forgot my phone, which was only a part of it, she took me out of the country and out of my school because of her feelings, not thinking about mine, or my siblings. The old ady looked at me and told me to forgive her, I didn't say anything, I should've, maybe if I told her what was going on she could've saved me. I'll never know, because I stood there. I cried in the airport, and the whole ride there, I was so helpless, she didn't care. Then we touch down in London, and she embarrased me in front of my family, she made it harder than it already was, just to stick it to me. My family asks if she'd been taking her medication, I didn't even know she was sick. I spent my whole life feeling like my mom and I's horrible relationship was my fault, that I was wrong or bad, and my family supported that narrative. Then all of a sudden, she's at their doorstep, and they get to know what it's like to be me for a second, and now she's sick? She wasn't sick when she stalked me on the playground, or beat me, or invaded my privacy, or made fun of me in front of everyone, or forced me to stay behind while my famiiy went out and had fun when I was just a kid, or kicked me out, or laughed at me when I said I felt suicidal and told my brothers so she could seem like the victim or made me feel hated and unloved and horrible. but she yells at them for 2 seconds and shes sick. Maybe I'm making this about me, maybe I'm being childish or immature, and not been sensitive to her illness. But I don't care, I spent my whole life caring, and it did nothing for me, because thought I always loved her, and cared about her, she's never cared about me, or loved me, not in the way she should've, not in the way I needed her too. I never told her, because I didn't want to hurt her. but when I was depressed and suicidal, it wasn't because of quarantine, it was because of her. I tried to kill myself after a fight with her, because I knew then things would never be better. I was right.

this is only half of the story but I'm crying and tired,

goodnight diary.

[kichikumaboshi]

Where have I been?

Good question right? Well, last life post I talked about how I had gotten very busy then sick. Well...the truth, to put it bluntly, is that I was basically sick for 3 months straight.

The tl;dr on this is that ultimately, I had to leave Japan for health reasons, and come back to America in hopes I would get better. I have now returned, and within a week I am feeling almost completely better, so I'm gonna be getting back to streaming while I work on finding a new job. But for those who want more details, feel free to go through the read more.

That problem with my lungs didn't go away. They ran multiple tests on me, and found no allergies, or any other kind of sign of what was causing the inflammation in my lungs. It got a little better for a while, then gradually got worse again. For a few weeks, I was able to ride my bike to get places here and there. But, not long after I made that last update, my bike actually ended up getting stolen, and I never got it back, or any compensation for it, despite the place I left it having security cameras for this exact reason.

Not that it mattered much. The following week, I found myself barely able to climb stairs. I had an upcoming trip to Tokyo, for which I'd already paid, so I decided to go. Surprisingly, on the trip, I found my lungs feeling way better, and my legs and feet ached from all the walking and running I did, though I did still have some lung issues. By the last of the 4 days in Tokyo, I was tired, but my lungs felt pretty good. Then I came back to my city I lived in, and before even getting to my apartment, I was feeling worse.

On another trip to the doctor, I talked about this and basically got told "Well we can either do some intensive testing which could take months, or you could move away." At this point, with a doctor recommendation, and my chest almost always exhausted from just the effort of breathing, I looked into returning to America.

So that should give me more free time, right? Not really, sadly. I was still working for another two weeks while starting my preparations to leave. Despite repeated requests for help, neither my school nor any sort of management really helped me out, so it was mostly me and whatever help I could get from friends, none of whom had familiarity with the departure process.

During this time, my wife came to visit, and was a huge help, but after seeing me in person, was increasingly worried for my health. She was having to slow down her walking speed to that I could keep up without running out of breath, whereas normally it's very much the opposite for us. We had a good time while she was around, and she really helped lighten my load in moving back. She returned about a week and a half before I was scheduled to, and it was only after that that I started getting help from much of anyone locally. My last 3 days there really ran me ragged, especially since I had sold my car and had to get places by walking and busses.

So, I finally came home, with a desperate hope I would feel better, and as said, within a week, I'm able to exercise again! I can run, I can play beat saber, and work up a sweat without running out of breath too bad. So, the bad news is "so much for my job and life in Japan" but the good news is I am healthy again!

That said, from months of not playing Beat Saber, my stamina and capability have taken a hit, so I'll probably be streaming a lot of that for a while, so look forward to the Beat Saber Recovery Arc! Anyways, that's all from me for now, I'll hopefully see ya'all soon!

[323398149]

Hey besties. Another happy vibes post I guess. More like major life moment has been going on slash being prepped for and I haven't been able to process it properly and then I realized yknow what I gotta just journal it out bro that's the only way anything ever comes together for me.

So

Hello future old amms.

Three weeks ago your healthy parents booked an umrah trip for you and your sister. And you guys didn't even have passports yet so that was step one. And you went and got your photos. Oh wait gotta add detail you were at the gym about to do a madfit app upper body workout when ur mom called to congratulate you and then I was like uh can I get my pictures today and go tmr? And she was like sure anyways you went to the office near the peo office gah and yeah went to pick them up in the subway a week later. And yeah then you read an umrah prep book and made notes and then you've been shopping for necessities and coaching Fatima zohra twice a week. So that's pretty much been ur life. Also you went to your first Patel cousins potlock dinner and humairaa took you guys out for dinner last weekend. So that's pretty much been what's up.

So what that means is you stopped applying to jobs, you stopped going to the gym, and you honestly haven't got as far as you'd like to have with your knowledge prep. You've been listening to an audio discussion of sealed nectar tho so that feels good oh and you purchased your first ever own Quran!

Anyways you've also reflected a lot a lot on the past year and how much you've changed since 22. Your physical appearance has changed a LOT! lol you're way stronger looooool like not to say you're strong but just strongER than you were before which was random pains. OH SIDE NOTE you also cleaned the basement donation pile. And your hair is way shorter, you eat proper meals and you're less tired cause you get to sleep in all the time. You smile and laugh and are a person with a personality who reads books and makes jokes. You're alive. And you're so grown up lol.

Your friends tell you you're more calm. Oh I ALSO spent one day with zaibaa at her classes for her big kid engineering school and that was so dope and inspiring. Gaaah that's a whole other excitement to talk about. So yeah it's been an eventful start to the year.

Anyways back to the topic. A year ago you got sick and in the moment before you passed out you called out to your mom to alert her that something was wrong and as you were dropping and everything felt far away, you thought "thank goodness I didn't do the haram thing that was dangling infront of me 2 months ago" lol and in the hours after I realized like shit, I'm so grateful that it was that thought instead of one of fear of death and regret. Like yes obvs those were still there but there was a relief. And honestly that wasnt me, that was allah that stopped me and protected me from myself and from jahanam yknow? Anyways which started you on a slow crawl journey back to your faith, a reversal of like 3 years of pulling away. Idk maybe the journey has already started and halted before that but yeah. It's been such a slow crawl which means I still feel so behind where I'd like to be but I still love being able to look back and see that there HAS been progress.

So yeah a year ago I had told me classmate that my parents wanted us to go to umrah in may after exams but no way I wasnt ready or mature enough or at that place in life and I was gonna tell them that I didnt want to go. And here I am, terrified and not at all feeling ready yet still excited kinda. So that's the thing and what I want to say. Like I haven't really let myself get excited because idk I lowkey feel so undeserving loool. But yeah I guess now I need to put myself into that excitement because I need to prepare my soul for this big life moment that's happening and now it's really here and it's happening loooooool if that makes sense idk.

The main thing for me is working on forgiveness and like letting go of grudges and hard feelings. I lowkey dont even know how to gah but imma google it and figure it out tmr morning and then just work my way through everyone I know and like let shit go in my heart.

Honestly even a few weeks ago I couldn't imagine myself even WANTING to do that looool rip but anyways now thinking about it I'm like damn that acc sound kinda nice and like I'll be lighter. I'm looking forward to letting go now which idk if you know me loool idk that hasnt been my vibe in the past. So yeah I'm excited. I hope it all works out. By it all I mean everything. This trip, getting a job, starting a life, dying, the afterlife loooool I hope it all works out haha

[jewbeloved]

Team Stan + Wendy and Bebe playing Roblox with their s/o🎮🎮♥️🕹️🕹️

I feel like we need give the girls of south park some attention as well so I though of this scenario.

Warning: None

Gender: Neutral

💙 Stan Marsh 🐕

He didn't know exactly what this 'Roblox' game you were talking about.

So you had to explain and introduce him to it.

You help him dress his avatar by handing him your robux gift card that you were saving.

He still asked a lot of questions during the tutorial with you and you were happy enough to answer them.

When you both started playing one of the games from the main page, he was surprised to see that he can move his own avatar around the game that he was in.

Definitely would be the type to follow you around the map because he wants to stay close to you and not get lost.

When he starts getting the hang of it, he would want to explore multiple of other games on Roblox with you of course <3

Overall, he enjoys playing this Roblox game and would look forward to playing with you again 💙💙💙💙

💚 Kyle Broflovski 🧁

Similar to Stan, he has no idea what Roblox is either so you will have to explain it once again to him💀💀

But he will start to catch on what to do after you explained a few stuff to him, I headcanon Kyle to be a fast learner at everything.

When playing one the games on the front page he would be the type to check it for a couple of hours, give his opinion on it, and stop playing unless he sees you playing the game again.

Would also be the type to explore the map for himself for a few mins before wanting to find his way back to you, because he misses being next to you while playing 🥺🙏

If you get bored and leave the current game you were playing with him to go and play another one, expect him to leave as well and join you in the next one you want to play because he got bored of the game you were bored at.

Overall, this loving lil jew boi loves playing Roblox with you <3💚💚💚💚💚

❤️ Eric Cartman 🍒

He already knew about Roblox before you did.

He decided to introduce you to it because he sometimes gets sick and tired of playing by himself.

He wouldn't tell his friends about the game because he just want it to be only you and him together playing it <3

You both would sneak out of class to get on the school's computers to start playing Roblox when you get the chance.

You bring your devices with you to play on the playground as well.

Expect Cartman's friends and the other kids to be nosy to see what you both are playing °~°

"What do you assholes want?"

"Alright Cartman, you're hiding something from us now what you are playing?"

"Yeah right, like I would tell you. You can kiss my black ass Stan"

"Cartman, tell them what we are playing or no cuddles for a week >:("

"You heard them fat boy, now tell us!"

"Fine, I'm only telling you guys since Y/n wanted me to 😒"

After Cartman told the guys the game you both were playing, you also offered to help them get started on how to play it ^^

Cartman decided to make a private server for each and every game you play with him just in case the guys try to join you both.

You also ended up giving Cartman cuddles so he can stop being pouty❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

🧡 Kenny Mccormick 👑

He already knew about Roblox himself, but he could never play it because he couldn't afford a device to play it on.

You gave Kenny one of your spare phones that you don't use anymore so he could play.

This mf immediately dressed his avatar to look like his princess kenny persona because he could now catfish some dudes on roblox-

You might have to stop him before things get out of hand.

Probably might be the type to play games like Royale high where he can dress up his avatar how ever he wants.

He probably also gets way too addicted to the game that he will never sleep and stay up all night.

You will have to force him to sleep for that then :)🧡🧡🧡🧡 <3

💖 Wendy Testaburger 📱

You both overheard a group of middle schoolers gossiping about this cool game called 'Roblox'.

You and Wendy are inexperienced so you both don't have any idea what Roblox is.

Both of y'all went to go and install Roblox on your computers so you could start playing.

You both still have no idea what to do so Wendy probably asks Bebe If she knew what Roblox was.

Lucky, Bebe does know what Roblox is so she helps both of you learn how to play it.

You and Wendy are also both fast learners so it didn't take long for you guys to start having fun on Roblox after Bebe finished helping you both.

Wendy would probably be interested in playing games that have admin commands in them so she can fool around with people-

She might even create her own Roblox game If she has the motivation for it.

The only person who isn't allowed to join her game is Cartman-

She might even invite Stan to join you guys in the games.💗💗💗💗

💛 Bebe Stevens 🌻

Like in Wendy's scenario, Bebe already knows how to play Roblox.

You didn't think she would be the type to enjoy playing Roblox to be honest-

But you tried to learn how to play Roblox without asking her for help but your attempt didn't go so well and you ended up giving in and ask for her assistance.

She is quite glad that you are also interested in playing Roblox with her since she is the only girl in the group that plays Roblox, all of her other friends don't play it.

So she would be glad to help you with anything you need <3

You and her played for many hours and had great moments with each other, this continued for days until Wendy and the others started playing it as well since it became popular in their school.

Bebe was surprised to hear that her friends also started playing Roblox since they never played it from the beginning.

I guess she won't be lonely on Roblox anymore since she has you and her friends <3💛💛💛💛💛

I actually play Roblox myself so I was excited while writing this scenario 💖 But I'm gonna fulfil some more requests before some of you guys rip my head off-