#i'm so proud of them for everything they've been able to accomplish

[wwwkissu]

MIFFYYY..... we are two otters holding hands floating away in the universe T_T oh aaa it's going to be okayy becausewe'll always be able to go homee i'll take u home (gnf's eyebags)

[ateez-himari]

SOCIAL MEDIA UPDATE 231024

NEW TWITTER UPDATE

[NEW UPLOAD FROM HIMARI]

ATEEZ(에이티즈) @ATEEZofficial

[#히마리] Five years ago we made our debut with hearts full of anxiety, wondering if anyone would even bother showing up, and now we've just ended a world tour. At first they were strangers to me, people I was too shy to approach but now whenever someone asks about them I simply say 'my second family'. They've scolded me, cared for me, held my hand, showered me with love, dried my tears, created my smiles and played a part in raising me. We're much more than friends, we're soulmates...because in every life I would choose them, no matter where or who we are. I know Chuseok has passed but I want to make a wish. I wish for the nine of us to keep standing by each other for a very long time...so that we can get old together. Let's continue our journey okay? ATEEZ HWAITING! ㅋㅋㅋ Happy 5 years to us, to my home.❤️9 MAKES 1 TEAM! (I can't ever get them in a picture together sorry ㅠㅠ...) #ATEEZ #애이티즈

Translated from Korean by Google

10:45am. · 23 Oct 23 · 2.5M Views 41K Reposts 1,267 Quotes 1.3M Likes

mikah @himaswife Replying to @ATEEZofficial We always joke about Joong and Hwa being the parents of the group but think about it...Hima was around 14 when she came to KQ and hadn't been with her family much for about a year cuz she was at JYPE. So they basically finished raising her🥹

koala koala @koalazia Replying to @himaswife omg yes she even has similar habits to each of the members😭idk who else knows this but in an interview Yeo said he saw her copy her older brothers' actions a lot and he noticed she was doing the same with them

cheongdam pepper @33khj Replying to @ATEEZofficial new pre-debut photos yes omg! i've been an atiny since the beginning and i can't believe they've already grown so much- hima went from hiding behind the members bc of all the hate and social anxiety to being a global ambassador for versace and 4th gen's little social butterfly

nabi @jigeumfly Replying to @ATEEZofficial happy 5 years our ateez 🥂we're so proud of you! you went from performing in small theaters to your first ever stadium, becoming the most successful 4th generation group not from a big company. you truly deserve all the happiness that comes your way (also the way she talks about them...my heart can't take this i'm crying)

TOQTOK UPDATE

CHECK OUT THIS NEW COMMENT FROM 히마리

🐯: I didn't think they'd remember either but my brothers all sent me congratulation messages this morning ㅋㅋㅋ My parents called me instead and my mom was really emotional so it made me cry a little bit but it's okay because it was tears of love. I'll go see my birth parents soon! I haven't brought them flowers in a while so they must miss me a lot. It's okay though I'm sure they've been watching over our shows and ATINY as well so they'll understand!

CHECK OUT THIS NEW COMMENT FROM 히마리

🐯: I guess it's true that sometimes I act like the members ㅋㅋㅋ I've always had a habit of copying people who taught me so since they raised me for a while I copy them a lot. Hongjoong oppa says I started biting people only after meeting Wooyoung oppa...so I guess some of them are bad influences ㅋㅋㅋㅋ

5TH YEAR INTERVIEW

'As we're filming this it's ATEEZ's 4th debut anniversary already which means we've pushed through a lot of bad times, a lot of physical and mental struggles. My hope for you is that when thinking of the past you're able to see the happy memories more than the negativity, that you can see everything you accomplished over the years. I also hope you've gotten strong enough to let go of the members' hands sometimes and that you can help them as much as they've cared for us. Learn to take a break sometimes so we can go back to painting okay? Hwaiting!'

Q: Do you feel you've become stronger since last year and that you've learned to rest?

When looking back it simply feels as though I've become more free in the past year, not putting as many harsh restrictions on myself which makes me a lot happier...and I guess it's a form of strength so yes. It's still a bit hard to get into the mindset of taking a moment to rest so the process is slow but I'm getting there at my own pace. I think past me would be proud to know that I've started to paint again...actually my room is filled with messy tools a lot nowadays.

Q: How would you describe your relationship with ATEEZ?

In very short terms...a group of eight chaotic big brothers who would be willing to steal the moon if I asked. They've shown me so much love that it feels as though I can't refer to them simply as friends anymore so...family.

Q: What modifier do you want ATEEZ to have in 2024?

Growth has always been very important to us so even if there's nothing I would wish to change within our team, I want us to keep growing. Whether it be as people, musicians, dancers, performers or even our career, I want us to have come a farther way next year than where we are now. Not only for us but also for ATINY to be able to grow with us without thinking that it is something much too intimidating or unachievable.

Q: A word for ATINY who's been with ATEEZ for 5th anniversary in 2023.

It might seem like something we say very often...but thank you. ATINY have been our biggest motivators from the moment we made our debut and they've always laughed with us, cheered us on, given us words of motivation and during hard times they continued to support us no matter what. They make ATEEZ whole. So ATINY make sure to stay healthy and know that we're behind you too no matter what. We'll make sure to work hard so you can always be proud of us. I love you!

Q: A letter to myself a year from now.

I'm sure that there are still a few mental struggles you need to face but remember that with the members behind you, you won't ever fall far so please don't be afraid of anything. Continue to give as much love as you can to our parents, our brothers, our members, our friends and ATINY so that they can also find the same hope we have. I know you'll be a lot stronger by the time you see this and I promise that I'll keep working hard okay? I can't wait to meet you next year!

[bearterritory]

Bears Three-Peat For Third Time

Papanikolaou Wins MVP As Cal Claims 17th National Title

LOS ANGELES – They didn't want to talk about it all season long. So, no one really brought it up.

But, with so much proven talent returning and the established championship pedigree on their team, every Golden Bear knew there was only one real mission in 2023 – to become just the fourth men's water polo team ever to win three straight national titles.

California (24-5) accomplished that mission, defeating top-seeded UCLA 13-11 at Uytengsu Aquatics Center behind a third straight NCAA Championship MVP performance from Nikolaos Papanikolaou. After dispatching #1 USC on Saturday, the Bears were once again able to tackle another championship game with laser focus.

"Incredibly proud of these guys. Everything that they battled through this year," Cal head coach Kirk Everist. "It's only been done a few times. To be able to figure out how to win three in a row is something that's very rare, but this is an extremely rare group. I'm proud to be a part of it."

For much of the game, the only way the Bruins (26-3) could stop the two-time Cutino Award winner from scoring was by fouling him. In the four possessions following Papanikolaou's seventh drawn exclusion early in the third quarter, the Bears got the separation they needed, scoring three unanswered goals to put them up 12-6.

UCLA clawed its way back and would have cut Cal's lead to just two goals on a promising counter attack at the end of the third period if not for a heroic save by goalkeeper Adrian Weinberg. The three-time ACWPC All-American finished with 11 saves, including four in the fourth quarter.

The Bruins did eventually cut the deficit to 12-10 with 5:36 left in the game, but Max Casabella answered with a dagger from straightaway on the following play, lasering in his fifth goal straight down off the crossbar. Casabella and Weinberg both joined Papanikolaou on the NCAA All-Tournament First Team, while Jake Howerton earned second-team honors.

"There was a lot of adversity this season, but the best part about this group is we're always going to stick together no matter how bad it gets," Weinberg said. "I was pretty confident (since the start of the season) that we'd make it here."

With time on their side, the Bears leaned on their defense and let the clock run out, cementing their place alongside Cal's 1973-75 and 1990-92 squads as the only Golden Bear teams to win three straight national titles.

"It's pretty nice. You don't accomplish something like this without incredible players," said Everist, who won his sixth NCAA championship as a coach and eighth overall. "It takes a lot more than just great players to do this time and time again though. I'm just grateful to have been around these guys."

After missing the first two games of the tournament, Roberto Valera returned in a big way, contributing to more goals than any other player with four goals and two assists. Albert Ponferrada finished with game highs of four assists and three steals.

A send-off following a third straight championship game victory was always going to be the best possible scenario for Cal's nine-man senior class of 2023 – eight of whom are in their fifth year as Bears. Everist reiterated how proud he was for all that they've battled through and accomplished for the program, while Papanikolaou and Weinberg lightheartedly joked about where this championship ranks among the three.

"I think both of us can agree that this one was very special because it was a culmination of everything we worked for," Weinberg said. "It's very special and it hasn't really registered yet, but it probably will in about a week."

Weinberg ends the year with 984 career saves, placing him at No. 3 all-time in MPSF history. Still fresh off winning a gold medal for Team USA at the Pan American Games in November, Weinberg is hopeful to continue competing at the highest level for Team USA as it prepares for the 2024 Paris Olympics.

Papanikolaou reached a tally of 253 goals which ranks No. 2 all time at Cal. But according to Everist, when it comes to overall Cal legends, that's not where he places Papanikolaou in the rankings.

"I played with a guy who lives in Greece now. His name's Chris Humbert. He, rightfully so, thinks that he's the best player who ever played at Cal," Everist said. "I keep telling him he's the second-best player, but he would say, 'I have 3 championships and [Papanikolaou] only has two.' So, now I can text him and say, 'Alright, take a step down.'"

No. 2 California 13, No. 3 UCLA 11 Cal 4 5 3 1 – 13 UCLA 2 4 3 2 – 11 Cal Goals: Max Casabella 5, Roberto Valera 4, Nikolaos Papanikolaou 2, Garrett Dunn, Nik Mirkovic UCLA Goals: Rafael Real Vergara 3, Frederico Jucá Carsalade 2, Ben Liechty 2, Makoto Kenney 2, Marcell Szécsi, Giorgio Alessandria Cal Saves: Adrian Weinberg 11 UCLA Saves: Garret Griggs 9  

[diabolikpersonals]

Tell your 5 top ships in DL .

5 was a tie, I couldn't choose between them, so there's two #5s :')

5: azushin - my rarepair! when other people talk about their rarepair and it has like 50+ fics on ao3 I get jealous because up till recently azushin had exactly 0 xD I love their interactions and I think they're a really good fit for each other. shin's powerful and violent so azusa likes him, but shin, the proud founder himself, gets all freaked out when this measly little halfblooded vampire is around for some reason...! ^^

5 also: ayayuma - I've already talked about it a bit but yeah, it's like a nice little comfort ship to me. I have a lot of sketches of them just hanging out. very very important to my bisexual ayato headcanon

4: reijiruki - reiji's quest for love and approval continues but this time he's pursuing someone he sees as an equal, perhaps even…gasp…a love interest?! I get nothing but immense joy and pleasure watching reiji trip over himself to impress ruki. like he'll invite himself to the mukami house and act like the picture of respectability and authority and he'll be like "I know we just met not that long ago but may I join you for dinner and sleep over at your house and also I got you this gift thats WAY too important and meaningful" and he doesnt even realize that he's being SILLY!!!!! and ruki's reactions make it even funnier bc he's like "??? what the fuck, sure I guess" so it's a great ship lol

3: ayayui - my fav yui ship!!! I love them together!!! I've wept real tears at how much ayato is able to accomplish when he has yui at his side. when you look at a character like ayato and everything he's been through, u can start thinking like "oh his mother's expectations were too high and she traumatized him so much that he can't even do normal things like school assignments anymore" but when ayato enters a relationship with yui and realizes that he wants to do these things FOR HER, he'll end up conquering even the most difficult things for him. it really compels me, because these things (like college or work) dont magically become EASIER for ayato, he just really wants to do them because he loves yui so much, and in the end he's able to do them. they're both so brave and I'm so proud of them. sobs

2: subakou - enemies -> rivals -> best friends -> lovers!!!! they've got a little something for everybody!! subakou have some really nice moments in the games that suggest that they really love each other (play lost eden play lost eden play lost eden) and on twitter kou can flirt with subaru pretty shamelessly, it's awesome lol. like bringing a wheelbarrow of chocolates to him on valentines day. how else am I even supposed to interpret that

1: shuuma - if u took a sample of my blood and put it under a microscope u would see pictures of shu and yuma exchanging a soft and tender fistbump

[fueltoabsence]

Road to D-DAY Thoughts

I finally got around to watching Road to D-DAY, 

which I only avoided watching because I knew it would be an emotional experience. I needed to be ready. I know I'm a sap about my feeling of connection towards BTS and their individual experience. For some reason I feel relatability especially with Yoongi, so I knew D-DAY would be hard hitting.

SO. Here are my thoughts (because I have to put them somewhere since yk I can't say it to him) in order of how they’re mentioned in the film:

When it was announced the members would be working on their own albums and individual projects, I was ecstatic. I've been a fan of the unofficial songs and solo works from the moment I got into BTS. I knew this meant they finally made their interests a priority, and Yoongi's right, they should've done it a long time ago. Of course, with the context of there already being solo music released during the time the group has been together I figured their choice wouldn't interrupt the bands plans to continue together. But hey, fear spreads fast. 

It's hard to watch Yoongi's very, painfully accurate performance of “극야” aka “Polar Night” about observing society today. I often feel just as swallowed by the world, but he's a celebrity. He's not allowed to have an open, unyielding opinion. He's not allowed to interact, because the backlash is tenfold. That's the harsh reality of living in the spotlight. I can't imagine never being able to actually be a part of the world, in a specific sense. 

Ever since I gained a slight bit of self-awareness I've feared losing my imagination/losing my passion for my dreams too. To even theorize about not wanting to ever make anything ever again is a terrifying thought.

I can't relate to the part of his life where he's been hoisted so high in accomplishment that he doesn't know what his dreams are, because I'm nowhere near accomplishing mine, but I do know what it's like to not know where to direct your voice, and it’s quite isolating. 

I appreciate Yoongi for bringing this very vulnerable perspective to the world, even when he's aware how easy it is to slip into backlash. Everyone's heard that money doesn't buy happiness, **pause for laughter as myself and the rest of the lower class laugh through the pain**, but I personally haven't seen any real exposure to this type of reality from fame. Fame is glamor and gold or its hellscape of a reality is glamorized by television in the end anyway. 

Here, you can really humanize Yoongi because he's not trying to glamorize anything about the situation he's in, even though he could so easily let his entire world be consumed by greed (idk about HYBE though). 

"I didn't mean to make Korea proud," he said. Some might think he’s ungrateful but that isn’t the case. They've often reminded us they're all just ordinary boys from Korea, and that's never been a lie. They've only followed their passions. They did so with good intent and stayed true to their morals, but all the same they never intended to break barriers for everyone. They're just honest, good people.

My girlfriend commented something while I was watching D-DAY, that Yoongi seems to have a cynical view on a lot of things, but that's not necessarily a bad thing. I replied with something along the lines of "that's why I like him. Everything he says feels relatable." I'm a cynical person in many ways. It's still up for discussion in therapy as to why I like being this way at times, although I know it's partly because it has kept me safe all these years. 

When I initially saw Yoongi had written a song called AMYGDALA it hit somewhere very deep. As most BTS fans do, I've done my research on the members' history to understand them better. The members' experience with mental health has always felt personal to me, simply because it's very relatable. Yoongi, in particular, has consistently displayed a certain level of unapologetic vulnerability in his words. Even in his aggressive lyrics there are emotional truths that others may shy away from showing to such a big audience. 

It's worth mentioning I feel so strongly about the band and the members because their attitude feels so personal. Having said that, the fact that Yoongi wrote a song about using trauma as a way to keep you safe speaks volumes to my own experience with trauma and anxiety. AMYGDALA is very relatable to a lot of people for different reasons, in different ways.

The fact that they're a boy band, and he's a member of one, means they automatically get dismissed by many because, as he said, it doesn't mean anything to them. And believe me, I was there once upon a time too. It's ridiculously easy to reject a new interest/part of life that you don't believe you'll like, simply because you tell yourself you're better than it in some weird way. It's elitism, because who doesn't want to feel their taste is superior? You can't blame people for thinking their reality is black and white/good and bad. However, speaking as somebody who's pushed so many artists out of my listening wheelhouse, simply because I was under the impression that I could only appreciate certain types of artistry or I wasn't "cool", I promise you, once you let go of what others think of you, you'll be so pleased you allowed yourself to find more joy. I often felt conflicted about my liking a korean boy band whilst calling myself alternative/goth, but the reality is that liking one thing does not take away from liking the other. All parts of me are me. I say this to highlight how easy it is to listen to that pressure of disliking something/pushing it away because you're insecure about what it means about you. In a sense, I'm glad Yoongi is aware that they will get heat simply by existing as a boy band. This way he knows that not all the hate is from sasaengs.

In all artists there's a drive that is so rooted in your personal world, you can barely manage to know where it comes from, you just know it's there. For Yoongi the recognition drives him, even though he feels disconnected from the world of achievement that he lives in.

There's a perfect example of artistic drive. He doesn't completely understand it, but he knows he has to keep going. He spends all his time on his music even when he has the opportunity to travel, despite the stress he’s putting himself under. There's a level of commitment that can only be described as a love towards it. I like to believe it makes the world wider, our passion to keep creating. Within this reality I find a very special comfort in how we seek the understanding of our own dreams. How can I not smile from ear to ear as I watch this incredible musician that I look up to, gush while talking to an incredible musician that he looks up to, about what keeps him making music. It feels like an indirect cycle of recognition, in a way. Soul healing. 

Snooze was written to inspire and comfort aspiring artists like me, and I want to thank Yoongi for making it. I have never taken that level of appreciation and support BTS gives towards their fans lightly. Snooze and other songs are a significantly important gift to me. What other artists do you know that commonly write music to their fans like that?

Yoongi's personal drive to create is not far off from his attitude towards other aspects of his life. His ambition to move forward regardless if he understands what it will look like is a characteristic of a true artist. He mentions in this how America makes the best music. I believe this is because we have the opportunity of living in a melting pot. As Americans, we get to experience varied cultures. With the state of music constantly changing, it's clear to producers that the way to keep up with that rate of change is to integrate different sounds and genres together; to never tie yourself down to one thing. I believe Yoongi will always be successful if he keeps that attitude of adapting to the music world in his own way, with his own flair. One of the reasons I've felt I relate to Yoongi so much is because of his character and attitude towards music. Like Steve Aoki said, he's very "forward thinking." 

What D-DAY is really about: The end of wanting to compete for knowing more. What are we living for?

Anywhere you direct your attention these days, it's maddening. It's so angry, it's so clashing. I often think of the comment that the world is too mean for neurodivergent people when I think of the world or look at my phone. Like Yoongi, I get stuck in the despair of it all. You cannot contribute to the issue of the fight against knowledge superiority, because you just get shit on for thinking your knowledge is correct. It's not a valuable way to live life. It's feeding into a bottomless pit of negativity, of which I get caught in more than I'd like to admit. When so much of our world that we know is dictated by our phones/computers, when all of our information is accessed that way, it's pretty damn hard to ignore how horrific the attitude is. I wonder if there ever will be a day where it genuinely feels like the world is capable and ready to celebrate differences. When can we move forward from this in a fulfilling way?

My final thoughts on the whole film:

Yoongi puts a lot of thought into everything he does. He is a lot like me in a way. Neither he nor I can really relax like we want because we feel a sense of never-ending responsibility. He has a harsh view of the world but through that there is a reality that carries hope for our words and our actions. If there are people who can understand his thinking, that it is not inherently negative to recognize bad the way he does, it would give me hope for change. His view is a driving force that makes the good that much more meaningful. Through the trees the sun is brightest, and damn, does he know how to paint the sun.

Additional notes: 

I write this for myself but on the slight chance it can, to inspire and bring comfort to others who may feel just like me. The artistic fan, spooning inspiration one lyric at a time, hoping that one day it pays off, and you can thank the people who helped you remember your own passion.

There's a very special place in my heart for Halsey and BTS' friendship. I'm so happy they can have that safe environment.

"The sounds that are filling up this world" makes me think of August Rush. Making something creative out of the sounds around you is such a humble way of appreciating life/making the best of what you've got. I love those who see/hear things that way.

So many were comforted by "people." Personally, I also listen to it to cry and to calm down. There's a specific type of pain that sits somewhere in between grief and hope, that's what "people" feels like to me.

"So why am I shackling myself when no one is telling me to" is an incredibly poetic line and I will definitely be stealing it.

Ultra down to earth people scrape their hearts the most- we feel it too much.

[and-stir-the-stars]

For the ask game, I'm curious about 6 & 8 in general, and 9 for By Cain's Own Hand. ~Dire Kumori

6. What character(s) do you find most difficult to write?

William, kinda? I have an idea of what I want William to be: a man obsessed with image and control, a man who must be in control or at least APPEAR to be in control at all times; a man who must be the one with the power in any situation; he loves his children but only as extensions of himself, his power, and his own accomplishments; a quick-minded manipulator who can both sit back and watch things play out and be the one pulling the strings the whole time. I just don't really know how to take that idea and make a believable person out of it yet. That's why he's been so "conveniently absent" in My Brother My Wound as of yet.

Buuut, I haven't actually written William yet, so he can't really be my answer, can he? So, I'd have to say Elizabeth. I have difficulty writing her because... well, to be honest, my whole Thing in fandom is "choose one character and completely obsess over them with everything I have" and that one character is very obviously Evan. For fnaf more than any other fandom I've been in, I usually care about characters other than my Comfort Character in terms of how they relate to my Comfort Character (my CC if you will, lmao). It's easy to care about Michael because his and Evan's stories are so hopelessly intertwined, but there's been no semblance or suggestion as to the kind of relationship Liz and Evan had/might have had in canon, as far as I'm aware. That gives me a sort of double whammy in terms of having difficulty writing Liz because 1) she's not clearly connected to Evan despite being his literal sister, and 2) I have no canon to draw ideas from in how to present their relationship even in the times when I WANT to write Liz. I have to rely heavily on other fanon interpretations of her character, which feels like stealing tbh. It's hard to be excited to write a character with a stolen personality.

8. Which fic or hc do you feel the most proud of?

Ack, asking to me to feel positive emotions about myself and my work? How cruel of you; I have too much anxiety for that :/ (<- complains about the ask game I myself created)

I'd have to say I'm the most proud of the Dire Consequences, Springlocked Mike, and Silent Protector aus, because 1) they were originally based completely on my own ideas rather than being tweaks of other people's aus, and 2) they've gotten so much attention from other people, oh my god. Literally everything from chaotic DMs at midnight to one-shots written at two in the morning to (multiple!) comics and fanarts. It's genuinely... so much (/pos). I'm literally just a Little Guy, yk?

9. What scene in BCOH took the longest to write, and why?

I'd say the hardest thing to write was the beginning sequence in chapter 2. It ended up being completely different in my hesitant outline.

I wanted that chapter to start with some of the anger Evan has been unknowingly feeling finally being unleashed. In my hesitant outline, I actually had the thing that pushes Evan over the edge written as Mike asking Evan about seeing Liz almost die to Circus Baby.

Before writing chapter two, I noticed that Evan and Mike actually have a bit of a parallel: in my version of the canon game timeline, Evan feels guilty for not being able to stop things when he watched Circus Baby kill Elizabeth, and Michael too feels guilty after he watches (well, is the contributing factor) in Evan dying to Fredbear.

At first, i wanted to make a reference to this parallel in the Nest Torn Empty verse. I wanted Mike to ask Evan in a fit of hopeless desperation how Evan could have possibly dealt with the guilt of almost watching Liz die to Circus Baby (not that Michael really believes Evan's "tall-tale" about Liz almost dying, but he knows Evan believes it) since Mike is having so much trouble dealing with Evan's almost-death himself. Only Evan misinterprets Mike's questioning as Michael making fun of him for being scared of the animatronics, and after almost dying to one at Michael's hands, Evan snaps.

This idea didn't work for... several reasons, and I ended up scrapping it entirely.

One reason is that yeah, this parallel exists, but I only noticed it because I'm a fic author/reader who was looking at Mike and Evan's stories as just that: a story. Michael wouldn't be looking at his and Ev's lives in the same way. Michael isn't introspective enough for that, especially not at this age. But the most obvious reason is that Liz ISN'T dead in this story, so Evan doesn't feel guilty about not being able to stop Liz's death. And, I don't know, something fundamental about the idea just didn't work.

I tried to think of another version of events that could make Evan upset enough to have him yell at Michael to leave. I couldn't really think of anything, though.

But, I did already have the Hell Scene (where Evan asks what Hell is like because some part of him thinks Mike wanted to send him there) already written out. The Hell Scene was one of those ideas I really liked but wasn't sure yet where to fit in the timeline, so I wrote it out while I still had the motivation and excitement to write it. I kinda thought that I wanted the Hell Scene to come later in the timeline while I was writing it. And I wanted to drag out the dynamic of Evan believing Michael wanted him dead and Michael being unaware of that detail for way longer by not having Evan mention the hell thing until sometime after the Stairs Scene.

But I decided to move the Hell Scene to the beginning of chapter 2, and then having Michael realize "wait, my little brother really thinks I wanted him dead" just seemed like it should naturally fall after the Stairs Scene, where Evan genuinely thinks Michael would have thrown him down the steps.

I think replacing the Circus Baby thing with the Hell Scene worked a lot better, although the hell thing was rather abrupt since I could no longer go back and plant seeds to foreshadow that Evan had been thinking about hell after moving the scene back so much in the timeline.

@dire-kumori

[softambrollins]

Putting aside all the poor writing and how WWE has handled The Shield's story in recent years, I'm proud of everything they've done and have been able to accomplish, and how far they've come. I hope Roman and Seth take the time they need to rest and recuperate and take care of themselves, and that they come back stronger and healthier than ever.

With that being said, I wish they that they didn't have to undo Seth's redemption arc and all his character development from 2017-19 just to make the feud for 2022 and the storyline going into this year's WrestleMania make sense. Don't get me wrong, I'm all here for the Shield music and Shield gear, and I'll always pop anytime it's shown. But rewriting history and undoing past character development for the sake of fitting a narrative in a current story, so it makes sense should never happen.

As far as WrestleMania goes, I'd say for me this was one of the best ones in a long time and that I could say I was overall happy with and wasn't left feeling disappointed and upset with, like others in the past have. I don't always agree with certain things that Triple H does, but you can very much tell how much of a difference there was with this WrestleMania and all the others that were under the control of Vince for many years.

I'm all here for a new era in wrestling and change being made, but that's on Triple H and everyone else in charge to make that happen, and to put in their part. And I do see they are trying, but there's obviously still a lot of work that has to be done. They still have a long way to go.

i think by now everyone knows how i feel about how they've handled seth and roman's story the last couple years. their 2022 feud really turned me off from wwe in a lot of ways. it's clear they both still care about that history and know how important it is but the way wwe has used the shield has been pretty questionable in the last couple years. i liked seth being cody's shield but him being a supporting character in the feud when the narrative was supposedly seth being roman's biggest weakness and that being his 'final redemption' when we already saw his redemption doesn't make a lot of sense. like if you want to use the shield then commit to it. don't just use it for a cheap nostalgia pop and lazy callback that's already been done. i think there was a big disconnect between the shield and who seth and roman's characters had become and they should have tried to tell a different story with them instead of just going back to the same old well again. seth's betrayal was a huge moment obviously but like, it's been ten years, get some new material maybe. roman getting revenge for that made sense back in 2016, not now.

i'm glad some people are enjoying the new era of wwe. it's not really for me personally, except for the odd story here or there. i hope they do something actually interesting with roman when he comes back instead of the same character or just a standard face turn. and i hope seth eventually gets the big happy victorious babyface moment that he totally deserves after this wm and everything he's done in the company.

[wishfilled]

I'm proud of myself. I'm surviving. I have a successful business that I created and run solo doing something I love. I get paid to play with dogs and cats and more.

What makes me proud, though, is exhausting. I have been working on saying no to clients. I am trying to make time for myself. I have been so super stressed lately. Heartburn nonstop. Sleep is a battle nightly.

I know if I can find time and do the paperwork that needs doing, I should be less stressed, but knowing and accomplishing are two completely separate battles. I've been trying to plot us making a real home of our own. Either buying a house or buying the house our apartment is in (our landlady suggested they'd like that a year or so ago). It's our parents who are causing my stress.

They are now getting to the point where they need help. They are fighting it tooth and nail, but they can't do everything anymore. My husband's Mom wants us to get a place together, but unfortunately can't without selling her condo, which has major issues and hasn't been able to gain interest despite being on and off the market for years.

My parents have a decent sized house in a prime location that is worth a ton. We could easily sell their house and afford a perfect place for them and us, but I'm terrified to even suggest it. It would be a blow to their pride. They'd have to downsize (they've been there 38ish years so they have a house full of stuff). Plus they are used to living in their town. They're overpriced, white centric, snob filled town.

Instead, I need to find a place we can afford without their help, which has room to host all holidays and has space when they eventually have to live with us anyway. I know I should at least ask them if they'd consider it, but the question is daunting.

[fiveisnumber1]

So after reading yesterday's oneshot I coincidentally came across a song I love that fit the H8 during the final minutes of the apocalypse. I know Five wasn't technically a part of them at the time but essentially it fits all of the younger group and their final thoughts and feelings. Also Five and Reader are together at the end and the rest of the group are together at the end so none of them are alone and I figured it felt flitting for how each would see the end based on their experiences. The song is Forever Young by Boy in Space: https://youtu.be/PpL0P_s6Fe8 and I just had to do a lyric analysis too cuz of course! It just fit so perfectly.

The H7:

"Let's dance in style, let's dance for a while. Heaven can wait, we're only watchin' the skies. Hopin' for the best, but expectin' the worst. Are you gonna drop the bomb or not? Ah"

This is obviously all of them together, trying to ignore the impending apocalypse. Dancing away the fear but they're also watching the skies and wondering if whatever is causing the apocalypse is gonna cause it or not. I feel like these lyrics paint the picture of them simultaneously trying to ignore the apocalypse while also waiting for it to happen so well!

Five:

"Let us die young or let us live forever. We don't have the power, but we never say never. Sittin' in a sandpit, life is a short trip. The music's for the sad man, ah"

Five literally experienced life in a sandpit of the world's ruins but even after getting back he didn't have enough time to live or even accomplish what he set out to do so hence his life being a "short trip". He knows he has very little power to stop the apocalypse and the commision has a lot but he keeps fighting for a better world anyway. And he wishes the commission would have let him die early in the apocalypse because technically he's lived a lot by seeing how it played out. If he dies then he'll have died young but also really old and despite how much he had fought, he feels his life is short anyway cuz he never had enough time to accomplish his goal which was to save his family and the Reader. Also the last line makes me think of Five seeing his favorite sibling on stage and Vanya's playing music which would always make him happy in their miserable home as a child but she's bringing the apocalypse with it this time and I feel like the line is a very good way to describe how the music is for a "sad man" cuz he was that sad man who had to live alone for decades.

Reader:

"Can you imagine when this race is won? Turn our golden faces into the sun. Praising our leaders, we're gettin' in tune. The music's played by the, the mad man"

This stanza for the Reader because she keeps hoping that they can win somehow. She wants to believe she has more time with the H7 and the UA and her beloved Five. And she wants to believe they can pat each other on the back for a job well done and she wants to believe she can be proud of the UA for getting their shit together to solve the apocalypse but then she also knows that they're damaged by the madman AKA Reggie who played their strings to a point where they will never be able to work together and they won't get in tune together in time to save the world.

Reader:

"Some are like water, some are like the heat. Some are the melody and some are the beat. Sooner or later, they all will be gone. Why don't they stay young? Ah"

I feel like this is Reader describing the Hargreeves personalities (Klaus and Ben are water, Luther and Diego are Heat, Vanya is a melancholy melody, Allison is a beat). She's wondering why the Hargreeves had to grow up and leave and why she had to time-travel and find them gone. She wonders why everything happened the way it did. Maybe if they never left the mansion and worked it out after she came to their time then things would have been different?

Five:

"It's so hard to get old without a cause. I don't want to perish like a fadin' horse. Youth's like diamonds in the sun. And diamonds are forever"

Five wanting to die in the apocalypse. To perish like everyone else but also not wanting to die without reason or meaning. He gives himself a cause to grow old and fight for cuz otherwise he has no reason to. And his youth and love and intelligence is like a diamond cuz even tho he travels back in time, he looks the same and his intelligence is the same and his love for his family is the same. It's forever. He doesn't want to fade away into oblivion without at least trying to do something to save the ones he loves.

The H7:

"So many adventures given up today. So many songs we forgot to play. So many dreams swingin' out of the blue. Oh let it come true"

The moment the H7 give up their normal lives to start fighting crime they give up their free time and energy willingly to fight and their ability to be normal children but at the end they have dreams they still wish they could fulfill. Being a younger UA was their dream and they fulfilled that. It came true. But the rest of their dreams coming true becomes difficult cuz of the apocalypse so they're wishing they all had more time.

All:

"Forever young. I wanna be forever young. Do you really wanna live forever? Forever and ever. Forever young. I wanna be forever young. Do you really wanna live forever? Forever young"

This part is the chorus and I feel is just for all of them. They're all so young in different ways. They don't want to live forever but they don't want to die so soon either without getting a chance to really live the life they each wanted. And also since they've all experienced so much in so little time, especially Five and Reader, I feel like it's also a way of saying they wish they were all mentally young as well. Even the H7 grew up faster to fight crime. So they all just want to enjoy youth without responsibility but will never get to. Five will never get to experience normal life the way he should have and Reader will never get to spend the rest of her youth with Five and her friends either.

It's just a tragedy all around as they all wish they could have had more time before it all ends cuz they are still young and have so much left to live for. And in a way they'd be eternally young then even after death cuz they never got to grow old.

Anyway, I'm really excited to hear your thoughts on this! I just loved how the song fit perfectly. I didn't even realize it myself at first but when I did I knew I had to share it because it just has this ethereal melancholy to it that I can see the H8 all feeling, individually and grouped together, as the apocalypse happens.

First of all I just want to say that I love the song forever young ever since I heard one direction sing and I haven’t grown out of my love for that song because of them. (Unrelated but I bet you can’t guess which one direction member is my favorite)

Anyway, I love your interpretation and I can definitely see all of this based on the side story I posted and just the story in general!

For the one line of “Sooner or later, they all will be gone. Why don’t they stay young?” I think it could also be applied to Reader’s thoughts about the H7, especially when they’re struggling to stop Vanya from causing the apocalypse. She didn’t know if they would stop Vanya and if she would see her friends again. She didn’t even know back at the bowling alley if that would be the last time she was with them. Reader knows that someday they’ll be gone but is coming to terms with the fact that it’s probably sooner than later due to Vanya’s apocalypse. And the question of why don’t they stay young is less so of pain like losing the UA but more so trying to comfort herself in the case the apocalypse does happen. They’re young and together and so why not be young?

Also I like to think of the lyrics “Let's dance in style, Let's dance for a while, Heaven can wait, we're only watching the skies, Hoping for the best but expecting the worst” in terms of Five and Reader as well. As a common theme throughout the story the two of them enjoy dancing together as it distracts them from the reality of what is going on. I like to think of these lines as Five coping with the impending 2019 apocalypse. He’s trying to enjoy being back in reader’s life again and distracting himself with her presence but he knows what happens after the world ends. Time is ticking towards doomsday and although he’s hoping he can stop it the closer it gets the more he expects the worse.

Anyway those are some of my thoughts but I love all that you presented and of course I love you too♥️

[darlingdtarot]

8/8/2021 - New Moon In Leo Rituals & Horoscopes For All Signs

The New Moon is here again to remind us to let go of ideas that no longer serve us. It's about wiping the slate clean and setting intention on the rest of the month. Are you excited to start a new chapter? Each sign is going to experience new heights of happiness, emotional security, and financial bliss. It might not always be easy, but it will always be worth it. This is a great time to show off your confident side and get into a deeper level of Self-Expression. You are called to feel more confident in your own skin and as the amazing individual you are. There is truly only one you on this entire planet – embrace that! Those that are going through quarantines again, or just find themselves in the house more often, wear those fancy outfits in your closet that has been catching dust! Get it out, dust off your nicest shoes, and get dolled up. You don't need an excuse to feel good about yourself, Darling. Now is a great time to take pictures for social media as well, as the sign's physical attractiveness will be heightened during this Leo New Moon. Follow your passions and hobbies too, as it's important to express your creativity.

Working on manifestations will be amazing during this time as well, so make sure to be utilizing the Law Of Attraction! This could be through Manifestation Journals, Meditations, or Vision Boards. Making a Vision Board by cutting out images and pasting them onto a piece of paper or a literal poster-board will help you manifest easier as it will focus your mind each day on visualizing your goals and desires. You got this!

Rituals that you can do during the Leo New Moon:

Along with the upcoming changing of leaves (depending on where you live), us too are going through a change during this New Moon to leave behind what no longer serves us. Yellow and Red are really important colors during this New Moon, as it symbolizes Confidence, Self-Fulfillment, Expression, Self-Comfort, and Joy. You can wear these colors throughout the month leading up to the Full Moon for added luck.

A Spiritual Bath might be something that would be wonderful to be implemented. You can add flowers, herbs, essential oil, bathing salts, and/or crystals to make the perfect spiritual cleanse. Sunflower scented candles are going to be very important as well – so if you're needing a new smell for the month, this will be a great time to utilize Sunflower Candles for manifestation! There are other scents as well that are just as important over this time.

Scents / Flowers You Can Utilize:

Lemon

Sunflower

Lemongrass

Dandelion

Crystals To Charge During The New Moon in Leo:

Yellow Aventurine

Citrine

Honey Calcite

Golden Hematoid

Amber

Carnelian

Tigers Eye

Leave these on a towel in a windowsill on the night of the New Moon to charge in the energy. The next day, place the crystals near your bath as you take it – or near your bed / in your purse for added optimism and comfort throughout the month. Remember that not all crystals can be put in the water, so make sure to look it up before you dip them in! If your crystal is water-hardy, you can place it directly into the bath as you soak.

For those that have gardens, consider planting wild flowers, sunflowers, gladiolus, etc. (Depending on where you are!)

Horoscopes for Each Sign and Element over the New Moon in Taurus:

Please make sure to check your Sun, Moon, Rising, and Venus Signs as you might resonate more with their energies. :)

EARTH: Ace Of Wands – Earth Signs are going to feel renewed and as if the fires of their passions are finally alight again. You're going to be receiving a lot of messages and ideas during this time, so trust what you come up with as creativity is going to be through the roof. If you have craft supplies that you haven't touched in a while, Earth Signs, get ready to start crafting. The energy this Leo New Moon is bringing in for you will help you to soar and reach greater heights within your hobbies, workplace, and imagination. Others will feel compelled to pick up an instrument that has been laying around catching dust for a while. Express yourself! Some Earth Sign's might start feeling compelled to play the field and date around a little to see what's out there – go for it! Remember to wear protection though if you aren't planning on getting pregnant during this time of reignited passions!

Virgo: The Star – Virgos are going to be feeling more hopeful over this New Moon in Leo. You might have felt a bit downtrodden or as if everything were spoiled, but now it's finally coming back together. It's a relief in so many ways, because after being told for so long that you'd be okay, you're finally starting to see things 'Getting Better'. It was something that took a while, but peace of mind is here to stay for the rest of the year, Virgo. Rest assured on THAT. Clarity will also be coming to those that have asked for a sign recently in regards to a situation you're stuck on. It's as if the Universe is finally handing you the new pair of glasses that you had ordered and had been waiting on. You'll be able to see things crystal clear, and in a way that you might not have before. Can we say Perspective Shift? Virgos, remember to take care of yourself too! Spiritual baths are SO important during this time period! Drinking coconut water and bathing with coconut scented washes will be vital right now as it will cleanse you.

Taurus: 10 Of Wands – You're overworking and overloading yourself with chores and things to do, Taurus. Over this New Moon in Leo you're trying to take on too much. I keep hearing Spirit saying, “You're Biting Off More Than You Can Chew”. As proud as Spirit is that you're wanting to conquer the world and take on as much as you can – They want you to remember that the name of the game right now is to pace yourself and take your time on the tasks in front of you. Rome wasn't built overnight, so stop making yourself go on endlessly like a workhorse. Yes, you're in the homestretch, but that is even more of a reason to take your time with tying up those loose ends. Work Smarter – Not Harder. For other Taurus that are taking on their friend's and family's responsibilities – you're being asked to focus on yourself as opposed to trying to fit in one more task to appease someone else. Instead of taking on those side missions right now, why not follow your main story-line for a bit? There's no harm in saying no every now and again; especially with all that you already do for those around you. For one Taurus in particular, you cook and clean for those around you constantly without praise or recognition. It's almost expected of you to drop your entire life just to do that. Again – it's okay to say no, or just to decide to order take-out for the night.

Capricorn: Queen Of Wands - Capricorn's are being asked during this New Moon period to use your passions wisely. Now is the time to really put your mind to what you want to accomplish as it's going to fall into your lap quicker than you expect. The World really IS your Oyster, Capricorn, Remember that! Some are embarking on brand new business ideas. I'm seeing for some starting a new Bakery, a local Shop in your town, or an online store with products unique to you and your calling. There is something very niche about what you do, Capricorn, and you're excited to corner the market with your ideas. You might be looking into business licenses, copyright, and trademarking. You're deciding what the best way to tackle your dreams would be – and if anyone can do it, Capricorn – it's you! Your business oriented mind will focus brilliantly at the task at hand, so make sure to trust your instincts here. It really is a case of You Knowing What's Best. Trust that you have what it takes to achieve your goals. You're brilliant, you Sea Goat, you.

AIR: 8 Of Pentacles – Wow, Air Signs! You're focusing on getting to work right now, as you know that whatever you're putting your mind to is going to be abundant and successful. You're feeling energized to get to work, which is a welcomed change compared to the last few weeks where you have been feeling tired and drained. So long to energies of exhaustion or frustration – you're headed towards smooth sailing now! And rightfully so, if you ask me! You're ready to put in the work! I keep hearing Spirit saying, “The Squeaky Wheel Gets The Oil”, so you might decide to focus on things that you feel have been put off for way too long. They can no longer be ignored, they have to be taken care of now. For some this might have been projects that you procrastinated on, a cabinet you never fixed, or a leak in a pipe ; now is the time to attend to these things! Putting yourself on your grind is going to be incredibly influential during this time, so make sure not to hold yourself back!

Gemini: Death – Wow, Gemini! Things are changing for you on a molecular level. You might have felt it coming for a long time now, but you're starting to become more open to the idea of endings and change. You're deciding what you want to stay in your life and what you know needs to go. For some that are leaving a situation, perspective, or relationship behind, you're feeling excited to be starting on a new chapter in your life. It's as if you've grown tired of reading that same story over and over again and you're ready to take on another book entirely. You're the main character and now you're really starting to recognize it. Take those risks and go on those adventures, Gemini. I'm hearing, “Life Is Too Short To Not Do What You Love”. Make sure that you're taking that into consideration today as you go forward, Gemini! Only go towards the things that you know feel right to your story-line!

Libra: 2 Of Wands – Libra's are going to be faced with a choice over this New Moon. Do they embark on something different than they've always known? Or do they decide to stay the course and continue down the path that might have not worked out so well in the past? Regardless of what you choose, this is a time of starting over fresh. The New Moon will bring brand new energies your way that will feel brilliant, vibrant, and uplifting. You'll be inspired to go down the route less traveled, but give yourself the space to do so. Be brave, Libra! Some of the best things are worth the risk! For other's, you're deciding to go down a new career or academic path that you know will bring you to your ultimate happiness. Don't put yourself on the back burner and go towards it! Regardless of what others have to say, you know best. (AKA don't listen to your Great Aunt Linda saying, “But you were supposed to be a Lawyer!” If you weren't happy in that field, that's all that's needed to be said.)

Aquarius: Strength – Aquarius, you're really channeling your inner strength right now to go the distance. You might have been applying yourself more recently to your career or the environment around you, which has been making you feel as if you either need everything on a time constraint or you need to take every little thing seriously. Spirit is telling you it's okay to lighten up and let your hair down. For some I'm also hearing, “Comfortable And Functional Can Still Be Fashionable”. Other Aquarians are feeling more comfortable expressing their emotions too as you're letting yourself be more vulnerable during this time. You're feeling affectionate and sentimental, craving more attention and love during this time. You might find yourself craving connection with others – and wanting to meet new people. Those in relationships are going to take their time more to understand their partner's and their own individual feelings, which will lead to more common ground. Now is the time for emotional healing and understanding!

WATER: The Magician – Water Signs you are being asked to trust your natural abilities as they are a gift. You have all the resources that you need in front of you to accomplish your aspirations. For some I am sensing that there was competition in a workplace environment. Spirit is showing me someone starting a candle business, only for another person to then follow suit. It's out of jealousy and spite, and not something you need to concern yourself with. Copycat energy is really strong here. Water Signs are manifesting right now on such a high level, that they can be expected to have a harvest in soon. For some you might be bringing in a romantic partner, new financial growth, or new opportunities. You'll be excited to see things that you wished for coming true. I keep hearing someone saying, “This Is Exactly What I Asked For, But Better!” Things are working out in your favor, Water Signs. Keep putting in intention and give it some time – it will pay off.

Cancer: The Emperor – Cancer's are really harnessing their Divine Masculine energies and feeling determined to take the bull by the horns over the Leo New Moon. Leo ignites your need for self-expression and freedom within your passions at this time. You're not letting anyone hold you back or put you down any longer – you know what you deserve and need. You're really starting to feel in your element, and you're wondering why you didn't realize you could accomplish this sooner. (“There's Nothing Holding Me Back” by Shawn Mendes energy here strong!) With the number 8 being so strong and prevalent within the month and the day, it really emphasizes the fact that there is a lot of forward movement going on. You're tired of playing it small and not going home with a good prize. “Go Big Or Go Home” is what I keep hearing for you, Cancer.

Pisces: The Empress – Pisces, you're going to be embracing your Divine Feminine energies in the most beautiful of ways. You'll be nurturing both yourself and those around you. You're giving yourself room to grow and consider other avenues of creation. Pisces, you might start to notice that your peers and new acquaintances want to open up to you and tell you their entire life stories. Let them – you never know where you might gain a little bit of insight on your own life while helping another. Trust your intuition during this time too, because your spiritual abilities will be heightened during this New Moon. Pisces might notice seeing more shadows, shapes, or spiritual messages. Don't fear; you're protected, loved, and divinely guided. You might feel guided towards getting more plants for your home – go for it! Bring nature in!

Scorpio: Ace Of Pentacles – A prosperous new beginning is yours, Scorpio! This is going to be the stable, firm, and financially free foundation that you always dreamed of. This is something that you have been manifesting for a long time. You might have had blockages in regards to money, but your luck is changing now. For some Scorpio's you'll be receiving a job offer from a friend. This friend could have a short, brown bob haircut, and they're going to be very excited over the idea of working with you. Take this offer seriously as it will provide so much excitement and comfort into your life! Other's will notice that there are going to be an influx of interviews and job offers over all. I am also hearing that while you work at your new job, you will be provided with more chances to travel as well, Scorpio. Go for it! You deserve it for how much work you've put in.

FIRE: The Wheel Of Fortune – A lucky period of time is coming into your life, Fire Signs. Are you ready to embrace this exciting turn of events? It's going to be a wild ride, so buckle in! You're going to notice that your luck is changing for the better. This is going to make you feel inspired to take large leaps of faith into a brand new lifestyle. No more small potatoes, Fire Signs. You're ready for the wheels of fate to finally turn in your favor after a long period of feeling shut out in the cold by the Universe. After a perspective shift, you're understanding how lucky and talented you are – and gaining a new perspective of gratitude for life. I keep hearing as well that Fire Signs are going to have the Mitas Touch, where everything they touch will turn to gold. Now is a brilliant time to focus on academic and financial goals. Why not make a Vision Board of everything that you want to bring in over the next year, Fire Signs?

Leo: Judgment – You're closing up Karmic Cycles and breaking Ancestral Curses, Leo. It isn't always easy to have to do this, but it is something that has to happen in order for you to get to the next level. It's okay to feel frustrated, angry, or overwhelmed during this time. Feel your emotions and express them to those around you as they are your Soul Family, and they genuinely want to help you in any way that they can. Leos are also going to be realizing who is actually in their corner. I am hearing that for a few Leos, you're going to understand that someone you thought was there for you no matter what, never really had your back to begin with. Process the pain, grieve the loss of a friend, and continue forward knowing you are doing your best every day. Some Leo's are understanding and identifying longstanding self-sabotaging energies and are deciding to nip it in the bud. Good for you, Leo!

Sagittarius: The Devil – Sagittarius might be dealing with some mental worries and anxieties. The Universe is wanting you to lighten your mental load and decompress some. It's okay to have some alone time just focusing on your relaxation. You don't need to always be on the go or doing something, Sagittarius. Even in different Mythologies and religions the God's took rest – set aside this idea that you don't deserve some rest and relaxation. Other's might be struggling with addictions, but you're going to find it easier over the next few months to distance yourself from self-sabotaging tendencies or toxic patterns. Good for you, Sagittarius! I'm proud of you for recognizing what in your life isn't fulfilling you anymore – and for wanting better going forward. Some in toxic relationships are being asked to take some time to travel or be away from this person to get a clear head on what it means to be healthier by yourself. (You will feel a LOT lighter without this individual around)

Aries: The Tower – There is a major shake-up in your life emerging, Aries! Don't feel scared or intimidated by this, as it's actually a great thing! This is to realign you with where you actually have to be. Spirit is showing me an image of a dog on a leash, getting wrapped around a tree while running while it's owner is frantically trying to unwrap them and saying “No, This Way, Honey!” The Universe is untangling you from a messy situation, and it's going to be for the better. Whether this be through an unexpected job or opportunity loss, a move, or something that you see as unfortunate; it might just be a new opportunity to start over fresh. Now's your chance to turn a new leaf and go towards a firmer foundation for yourself. Some Aries might realize the connections (both platonic and romantic) aren't the healthiest for you. A friend might decide to betray your trust or kindness. You're being asked to let this rug be pulled out from under your feet, so a newer one can be set in it's place. After all, when one door closes – another one opens.

[hearteyes-for-killmonger]

In My Mind x 05

Firm foundations and sturdy hands

still crumble under tyranny

---

"Where exactly are you taking me," you slur through toothpaste, spitting it in the sink before rinsing. It's still early, 8:45, but he's fast, putting on clothes in his room while you take the bathroom.

"Well you need clothes, I ain't forget."

"And hair products, a curling iron, satin cap, my own body wash," you add using his mouthwash. It's good he has extras of the basics. The bathroom door is cracked so he can walk in and hand you a stick of deodorant which you jam under your arms and set in an empty drawer with your toothbrush for your own. "Okay, v-neck come through."

Full business casual, he comes up beside you in the mirror brushing his shaved sides down and you walk out to put your shoes back on, wearing the same clothes from yesterday.

The way out of the building is just as smooth as the way in. You take a staircase to a display where his glossy burgundy BMW sits with tinted windows and custom tags.. his trophy.. and then you get in. He presses a button and you sink through tinted glass looking out at the view until you reach ground and the wall goes up behind you allowing him to back out onto pavement.

"I'll never get over that," you mumble looking through the side mirror to watch the opening shut. His own private entrance. A 'sky garage' he called it.

"Nia.."

"Hm.."

"What do you think about Black Wall Street?" He's driving somewhat normal now, only six miles over the speed limit and you haven't felt like you were going to fall through the door yet which is a plus.

"Black business, black mecca."

"It's been the pinnacle of black successful business. If you look at Tulsa, Jackson Ward, Durham.. We were at the height of self-sufficiency. We had bankers, builders, mechanics, electricians, cooks, shoemakers, tailors.... hairstylists. Anything you needed, you'd get from your own people and it worked! We were putting money in each other's pockets and building wealth with each other, taking pride in our blackness instead of tryna be the third white race... you know Asians are the second."

"I was with you until that last one."

"Nia, you know what happened to all them cities?"

"They were destroyed."

"By who? Did we destroy ourselves?"

"Boy. Who are you, Dr. Umar?"

"That's what you think?"

You touch the small black, red, and green beaded necklace with the wooden brown carved Africa pendent sitting in his cupholder.

"Umar Johnson is an ignorant misogynist who uses his platform to spread false information while robbing his followers. That's what you think of me?"

You blink. "No, I only meant the superwoke part."

"Unlike him, I have a Ph.D and I don't think AIDS came from gay black men, but it was intended to decimate the black population."

"I get it, don't compare you," you mutter watching the Oakland city views through your tinted window. People are out, strutting and power-walking on sidewalks and jogging across streets to work.

"Who destroyed our black wall streets?"

"White people," you sigh giving him what he wants.

"Never forget that the US National Guard united with White Nationalists in 1921 to bomb and shoot up the Greenwood District of Tulsa. They destroyed 35 blocks of self-sufficient black business, murdering an estimated 200 people and injuring more. This is what happens when you and I pull ourselves up by our bootstraps in this country. Jackson Ward? Socio-economic assault. They built a highway right through it and put their own businesses around it to undercut our efforts. They chased us out and sent us to housing projects then filled them with drugs. You see where I'm going with this?"

"I think I'm starting to."

"Nia, you've seen my dreams, you've seen where I've been. I've stood on both sides and seen firsthand how easy it is to infiltrate and decimate an entire city, a region even with the right intelligence and firepower. Hell, I've even pulled the trigger and I'm not proud, but it was a necessary evil for me to see that it doesn't matter how strong you build or how pure your intentions are. When a government decides that you've surpassed the ceiling of poverty they've designed specifically for you they'll wipe out a generation, drug you up, and restart you from zero. Do you understand how deep this goes?"

You finger the beaded necklace in your lap. Of course you understand everything he's saying, but what he's expecting from you is a different story and you won't agree to anything prematurely.

"Where's the end," you ask. How will he know when he's accomplished this great mission he's been on for most of his life? It's all he breathes. Will he even survive without the fight as his purpose? Keeping your silence, you watch his profile as he turns left.

"Africa. Africa was the start and it'll be the end, but in the meantime we need to provide legal and physical protection here, major city by city. We need safe houses, secured and armed.. built to withstand the force of a nuclear weapon."

"How will you manage that?"

"How long will it take is the question." Pulling up to a building standing among other buildings, this one is as big as a high school with lettering across the front reading Wakandan International Outreach Center. Temporarily, you put the fact that you're supposed to be shopping to the back of your mind. You've heard of this place on the news, but somehow you didn't put this together. He parks in front of some well manicured bushes in a space marked for the CEO.

"You're the CEO?" You look around at the cars in the lot, the WIOC bus, and to the people walking inside.

"You ain't know? Ms. See Everything?"

"If I saw everything, I'd have figured this thing out between us. Don't ya think?"

He steps out and adjusts his tie. He's got the grey v-neck sweater vest, the white collared shirt underneath. The navy chinos.. and the navy oxfords.

Getting out, you spin showing off the same outfit you've been wearing and his brows raise subtly as you walk in beside him. Immediately he's rushed with greetings from the three people at the front desk, two guys and a girl, all wearing black WIOC shirts with blue and purple lettering that reminds you of a 90s paper cup pattern. Very stylish and retro.

The girl with the baby face and two long feed-in braids, is reaching out, grabbing your hand to stamp with some sort of mallet which he gently blocks with two fingers on her wrist before it makes contact.

"Shakila, this is an affiliate," he stares. The girl straightens, backing up meekly and the guy to her right.. the one with a rougher feel and a troublesome glint in his eye can't be over 21, you guess. He rolls out from behind the desk and you see he's wearing all black roller skates with orange and green swirled wheels. They look custom.

"72 people in the building, boss, counting you two. Ghost and Slim out patrolling, say we gotta bluebird.. 5-0 campin at Fuller's they up to something but they been quiet..up there since about 8:15 this morning."

"Keep watching. Let me know if anything changes."

"Yezzir." He rolls off down the hall and makes a right, disappearing.

"Donnie, how you doin," Erik asks the man who's been reading a magazine, chillin. He's bald, light skin, and looks over 40. He's also as big as Erik! His muscles make his t-shirt took like a muscle shirt, it's tight, but it seems more of a personal style choice than an issue of not being able to get a bigger shirt.

Erik taps the desk before continuing down a short hall that splits into three and you walk alongside him, making a left when he makes a left and passing two young boys in the hall.

"An affiliate?"

"They thought I was bringing you in for assistance," he clarifies and your face scrunches. "But you and your salon might be interested in becoming affiliates after I give you the tour."

"Really? Wow.." This thing with him just keeps getting stranger.

"This is the women's dorm," he stops in front of a large expanded room, a space filled with about.. "Twenty beds, ten bunk beds. Forty women can sleep here with their kids. They call and we hold the spot or they show up and take it. That's all the beds we could fit in there but I'm thinking of expanding. The men's dorm is on the other side of the building. Don't worry, we have security. No incidents yet. Further down," he leads and you follow him down the clean tile hall. He takes you into another opening that says locker room.

"It's like a YMCA in here." You turn looking all through at the rows of lockers with actual locks, the showers, four toilet stalls, four sinks.

"There are 60 lockers, eight showers, eight stalls, eight sinks, two washers, and two dryers."

"Y'all water bill high." Looking back to him, he smiles and nods for you to head out into the hall again as you follow him. "This place is nice, if I didn't have my apartment, I'd try to stay someplace like this."

"It's our safe place for homeless kids and families or just people who need a place to be without having to look over their shoulder, wondering where their meal coming from or who's after them."

Pausing, you look around and Erik stops. This place is beautiful. He's even got the babies' art hanging on the walls making the place warmer.

"You good?"

"Yeah.. You know, I'd actually love to be affiliated with this place. I wanna donate. How do I do that?"

"I'm glad you asked, Nia. Keep walking with me. Let me show you the rest," he smirks, speeding up as he unlocks a door with his handprint that lights up blue.

"What the hell," you mutter staring between him and the door.

"Staff only entrance. Extra measure to keep the women safe on this side, if you wanna leave or come in, there's one way and you gotta get through security, that way you're only back here if you're supposed to be.

"Makes sense."

Through the door is another hall that's perpendicular to the one you just left. You follow him left and come to a large open cafeteria full of people sitting at tables, eating. Men, women, small children, teens, all black for the most part. There is a sprinkle of darker skin that isn't black. A mother with three young kids and then an old man.

"How do you get away with only taking black people? Isn't that 'discrimination'," you ask with air quotes. Not that you take issue with it, you're just curious. He laughs.

"When the colonizers come we just tell them we don't have the space and if there's an issue we have Donnie escort them out. We don't get governmental assistance, we're not required to run how they think we should run. We screen everyone who comes through and take who we think will benefit from our programs.

"Wow, I'm with it," you smile following him to the food line.

"Gone 'head baby," the older woman in front of him waves for you both to go ahead. He puts his hand on her back and kisses her cheek and the line ahead happily parts like the red sea letting the both of you through with a quickness. They love him. They genuinely love him. They also all have stamps on their hand. One woman is trying to pull her stubborn toddler aside and out of the way, but Erik sweeps him up and sits the boy on his hip, winking at the woman before passing you a white dish and grabbing two more.

"What you want lil man," he asks as he goes through each option fixing two plates. One (sausage links, grits, eggs, bacon, fried potatoes, pancakes, fruit cup) for himself and one (sausage links, bacon, eggs, pancake, fruit cup) for the kid.

Choosing a table, you sit with your plate (some of everything because it looks good) and Erik follows, sitting across from you with the kid and the two plates.

"I'll get the drinks," you offer heading back to pick up two glasses of apple juice, making it to the table before returning for one more glass and three straws. You pass them out and take your seat, mouth watering and ready to eat.

"Bow your head and close your eyes, please." You lower yours and wait.

"I don't close my eyes." He lowers his head and you say the prayer as the toddler reaches into Erik's plate grabbing one of his sausages. Erik doesn't look up but he shakes his head with a slow smile and you try to keep from laughing as you finish saying grace.

"Amen," you snort picking up your fork.

"This why I keep my eyes open," he points to the kid, shaking his head in humor. He sets the boy in the seat and hands him a piece of his own sausage. Looking over, you see the mom approaching with her plate and an apologetic smile.

"Lord," she sighs. She's pretty though she looks tired. "I'm so sorry, he's a handful, I know."

"Not at all," Erik smiles. She sits next to her son and he automatically starts pulling on her, saying "mama, mom, mommy," just busy, so she pulls him onto her lap to keep him still. They're both cute and remind you of Lia and her son, Jackson.

"This is Chyna.. and Orion," he palms the boy's head playfully. "Chyna, this is Nia," he nods digging into his plate.

"Hi Nia," she smiles and you reach out to take her hand, asking how she is. She's great but ready to eat, she laughs and for a while you all just focus on eating.

"Mommy," Orion starts and you understand 40% of what he just said. His mom entertains him with hums of "Really? Oh wow," as she eats, feeding bacon into his hands.

"You here for a job," she asks looking up and it's an innocent question.

"I'm here on tour of the facility, just lookin-"

"Nia is an affiliate and potential shareholder. We're in discussion," he interrupts.

"Oh okay..," Chyna's eyes widen. "So you're getting a feel of the center. Let me tell you why this place is so important," she says all humor gone.

"Me and my son have been here for the past few nights.. a few nights before that.. and then maybe a week prior." She looks to Erik and he nods.

"His father, Rashaad," she continues, gesturing to her son, "He died last month and didn't leave a dime. I talked to his family and my family and they told me I could sign over his body and the state would cremate him," she pauses, still in shock from it. "...But I couldn't do that..." Tears leak from her eyes and you look around for a napkin. She swallows, her eyes turning pink, and takes a breath. "Then there was the rent.. We hadn't paid it for the month and our extension was running out," she sniffs. "Well I had a funeral to plan, I couldn't let the state take him."

Orion, feeling her sadness, rubs her face to try to make her feel better and she tries to pull herself together.

"So ah-" she wipes her nose. "I took a chance and contacted the Wakandan International Outreach Center and they not only paid for the burial and the coffin, they sent a representative to the funeral for words of encouragement and I'll never forget that," she sighs. Erik keeps his eyes down to his plate.

"See, his daddy.. was a hood," she continues, eyes dead on yours. You know what she's talking about. You don't have to grow up in Cali to have family in the streets. "He was shot out there in the streets in a driveby...," she sniffs. "And you know.. people like to talk a lotta shit, but even if he wasn't nothing to nobody else, he was someone to me. I loved him."

"We're working on getting Chyna a higher paying job to cover her rent," Erik interjects giving her time to wipe her face.

"Yeah, they paid the rent for the month and they're paying next month. I'm taking the class on building a resume now. I'm still working at Ross, I'm just trying to do everything I can.

"You're doing a lot," you offer and Erik gestures for you to stand to follow him out. "It was good to meet you and hear your experience," you smile shaking her hand.

"Thank you, and I'm glad you're trying to help. We need more people like him," she points to Erik.

"Shit, don't boost me," he smiles. It's something he's done a lot since he's been here and you've noticed that his smile is something that brings so much peace and a sense of safety to these people. Still, looking at him you can see deep down there's a spot in him that isn't touched. It's full of rage and intense sadness that his smile can't cover. If only the peace he provided to all these people would reach him.

@thickemadame @just-juicee @kenbieeereadss @honeytoffee

Previous Chapters:

[gmadison]

I've been sleeping so long in a twenty year dark night....... and now I see daylight ✨

I'm bipolar, autistic, I have ocd, severe anxiety disorder, adhd, and trichotillomania (compulsive hair pulling disorder).

I'm almost 21 years old and my disabilities have made the whole "adulting" thing and gaining independence to be incredibly difficult. I can't drive (which is severely limiting), have no concept of time management, lack social skills, can't handle criticism, don't do well with authority or being pressured, can't stick to consistent schedules, my energy levels fluctuate from day to day, and oh I could go on. People don't understand how hard it is, they think I'm just lazy or not trying hard enough. But I truly can not work. And it's frustrating because I really do wish I was able to support myself and be independent. I rely on my parents still for almost everything. It's so easy to compare myself to what other people my age are doing and feel like I'm a failure.

BUT. Even though I may not be accomplishing the "conventional" milestones, I am successful in my own right. Furthmore, I am using my disabilities for good. I've presented workshops at conferences for my disabilities, and a couple years ago I spoke in front of 500 people at the closing ceremony of a conference. I started a support group in my area all on my own because there were limited resources for people with trichotillomania.

I just recently started a mentorship program for little girls with trichotillomania. I send them a personalized care package with things like hair accessories/head covers, fidget toys, a teddy bear, and uplifting messages, and I act as a pen pal and "big sister" to them. So far I've sent out over 25 packages to over 25 girls, who range in ages from as young as 2, up to 14 years old. I love kids and work with children at my church and as a babysitter, so I combined that with my passion for advocacy, to create Trichster Sisters. The responses I've received from theses girls and their moms is overwhelming with love and gratitude and it makes my heart soar 🥰 I'm so happy to be helping so many young girls feel understood and supported. I've done this ALL. ON. MY. OWN. And I'm going to brag for a minute, and say that I am unbelievably proud of myself. I've found my purpose. My disabilities have taken so much from me and I truly hate them sometimes. But they've also blessed me with many unexpected gifts. I've gained a platform and a purpose. I'm changing lives :'))) So yea, I guess it's not all bad.

⭐ The Trichster Sisters program has been funded almost exclusively by generous donations. I'm in need of funds to continue this program to help as many girls as I can. If you're able to, please consider donating, even just a little. 💜 You can donate and learn more about my work here:

@taylorswift @swiftiesofcolor

[myblckcty]

Savannah Williams

Join My Black City in Celebrating and Supporting Savannah Williams. We Shine Brighter Together. #MyBlackCity https://myblackcity.org/savannah-williams/?feed_id=8275 >> #1 ranked boxer in her weight in USA Boxing, Outstanding leadership and sportsmanship. >> Nominations Nominated by Yevgeniya Tsyganok "Outstanding leadership and sportsmanship" My Black Colorado Interview What school do you attend and what year are you in? I'm a junior at Palmer High School. What do you think others would say they like about you the most and why?  I feel like others would point out the fact that I'm caring and I love to be able to help. I hate seeing people sad or angry. I can be someone's comfort. When you're not in a class, what are the things you enjoy being involved with the why? I love to be in the gym, around my teammates, and coaches. I like to be present and what's going on in my community, around my family, and friends.  How did you get into it, or what do you like about it?  My mom wanted my brother to do boxing at a young age then I came into the gym and tried it, and I loved it both more than my brother. So that's what got me into it.  What do you love about boxing?  I love the challenge because you have to learn just so many different things before you can get into the ring.  Was it hard for you to learn or did you pick it up pretty quickly? I picked it up pretty quickly, but it takes time to get all the skills down before you can get into the ring and start boxing and competing and stuff like that.  Well, if I heard you were right, you've won some awards or recognition? I'm currently ranked number one in my weight class and USA boxing.  What is the best advice someone has given you recently?  People have told me never to give up and stick with this sport because even throughout the years, it's been challenging for me and to keep up with it. But I never give up because they've always told me you never know how far you can go with it.  Where do you train?  I trained at Triple Threat Boxing Gym.  What is one thing that you want to get better at?  I still want to get better at boxing. It's just something I don't want to give up on, and I feel like there are so many different skills that have room for improvement. Has boxing helped in other aspects of your life? Yes, because being disciplined, you have to know your body and know yourself more than other people know you. What do you think is one piece of advice that adults need to hear to help them connect with the younger generation I feel like an adult should be more open-minded with everything around us changing and evolving. There are just so many things that are different now that weren't like this before. What accomplishments or awards are you most proud of and why? Being ranked number one in the nation in my weight class is the one thing I'm proud of because I never thought I could be at that level, but here I am. There have also been many opportunities for me, like traveling around the world and getting to see others: different cultures and people's way of living. What are some things that you think you want to do for a career when you get older? I've always wanted to be around kids, and I think my career choice would be a pediatrician.  What role has your parents played in helping you develop and grow and mature? My mom has always been my support. She's still there for me. No matter what, no matter how badly I'm doing or if I'm not doing my best. She's always there to help me keep going and not give up.  What advice would you give to kids your age? Know yourself and know what you can do. Don't let others tell you what you can and cannot do. 

[planetdream]

HELLO HELLO I FORGOT I SENT YOU AN ASK???? AND I WAS THE ONE ASKING IF IT GOT DELETED? VERY RUDE OF ME

okay no but yes I just got sick for another week 😭😭😭 life is not kind to me,,,,I JUST finished an essay and it's 6:19am rn and the sky is lighting up this is homophobic </3

I'm trying to get to terms to losing it but mannnnn I'm so pissed and upset because I had three kpop photo cards in it 😭 (along with other very important stuff ofc like my old student cards and I, obviously, alr graduated)

What can I say I'm just someone who loves the dark too much sksksksks jokes aside tho the dark is nice cos it makes me less guilty to be depressed - it's so weird to see it still light outside at 7pm rip

DREAMIE I WAS LOWKEY KIDDING BUT YOU ACTUALLY SAVED A SPOT FOR ME ALDHFJSJSHDJSKKDDK I LOVE YOU HELLO?? Okay but yes I will Sit Down and Think About It and come back to you with an MV uwu

Also Maniac omg,,,,Felix is such a queer king with that skirt and his HAIR as always a fashion icon. Hyunjin with red hair?? Chan with blue hair?? Changbin with green highlights?? Freaking LEE KNOW with purple hair?? These boys are here to slay and they aren't leaving anyone alive oh no. And Han with that slicked back hairstyle </3 I'm sorry Seungmin but Han is killing me there I can't skskkzsksksksks Also erm no hate but I didn't like the song at first? But it's so catchy?? Like does it sit at the top of my skz playlist? Not really. But is it so catchy that it makes me want to loop it so many times my brain explodes? Yes.

(also sorry if everything looks incoherent I've been writing a 2k essay for the past seven hours and I desperately need sleep)

Bestie SAME on the touch starved end 😭✋ and yes physical emotional connection desperately needed here as well pls 😭😭 I think my friend's constant complaints rubbed off on me because he's always like omg I want a boyfriend and there can only be one touch starved hoe between us so I have to be the bigger person ☠️☠️ but yes much love needed here as well

SCREAMING CRYING MOANING AT THE MENTAL IMAGE. just,,,,seungmo trying to not betray his feelings but ultimately man is a human as well and at the end he's not even scrolling through his phone,,,,the screen is black and it's just something to anchor himself onto </3 absolutely insane with that idea

Also that anon who said Lee Know <3. Massive vibes <33

How are you doing dreamie? Hope all is well hehe :)

-seong

ok first off—get some sleep (maybe u already are idk) can't have u out here sleep-deprived AND sick omg.

and the wallet 💔💔💔 three pcs and important things oh baby i really feel for u...tbh i dont think i'd be able to come to terms with losing it...

as for the collab—there's not a set deadline for posting the fic at the moment (and there probably won't be lol) so you can take your time choosing the fic, but that seungmin spot is 100% yours, babe!

maniac—the boys all look so good and im proud of what they've accomplished this era so far. i was talking about this with moon the other day but it's so fun to watch all of this happen in real time. like bb200?? so sexy of them, really. and yeah, at first listen i wasn't vibing with maniac like i did the other songs on the album (chalking it up to my general occasional dislike of singles) but after the second listen i liked it a lot more ahaha

— apologising for things seeming incoherent?? welcome to my entire blog fr

i've been going outside more and more lately since it's getting warmer and idk im just so...starved of different types of connections. i think i want a romantic connection lol, but that's a lot of work rn and i can't put someone through the stress of dealing with me atm rip

how am i doing? well it's pretty late now and i had a pretty busy day and im finally settling in at home fr and im just....so emotional for no reason?? wanna cry a little bit but other than that im doing good. upset bc i don't have any weed rn but it is what it is lol