Tumgik
#i'm talking about staging alone
phoet · 1 year
Text
suzume and howl's moving castle parallel?
Tumblr media Tumblr media
nobody? just me???
1 note · View note
apollocabinrep · 4 months
Text
That one fanfic series with Percy being a "son of Aphrodite" (it's a whole thing, he's adopted.) has me hyperfixating on Castor and I haven't finished the 2nd fic yet, but istg I will be fighting someone if Castor doesn't get his man back. It's actually so foul-. I can't even say more without spoiling it 😭😭😭
24 notes · View notes
kkujo · 1 year
Text
something i don't see people talking about is the way hyperfixations come in like stages and cycles like it's not just "i'm obsessed with this thing" it's like. euphoria from finding something new and it brings you so much joy and then as that initial dopamine rush wears off you start to get more and more down and feel isolated as you start to realise that no one else cares about it as much as you do and you feel silly for being so into it and the thoughts become repetitive and boring so you get more and more depressed and lonely and then you inevitably lose the hyperfix which leaves you drifting feeling miserable and hopeless until you start the cycle again. idk if i explained this well or if other people will understand but it brings genuine phases of euphoria and straight up depression and this is why i get annoyed when neurotypicals use words like hyperfixation to describe like, an interest. bc it's not. just an interest it becomes who you are and when you lose it it's like losing yourself and you spend so much energy thinking about it that it interrupts your daily life and it's so fucking draining 👍
#like if i see one more nt being like hyperfixation this hyperfixation that SHUT UP!! YOU HAVE AN INTEREST#talk to me when you stay up until 6am every night bc you can't fucking sleep bc ur thinking about it.#talk to me when you can't process emotions in a normal healthy way because you can only relate it back to your hyperfix#paired w madd especially it's IMPOSSIBLE to be normal about shit i swear 2 god because the second i'm upset or lonely it's straight back to#immersing myself in another world and being someone else and not facing my emotions instead letting 'someone else' deal with them#not just negative emotions yk it's anything it's fully immersive to the point i end up not knowing exactly who i am myself bc i'm rarely#myself in my head yk#and it's so isolating#and this is why i get mad when people use these terms lightly bc they don't fucking get it#oh you're hyperfixated? oh you're delusional? you're delulu? watch this#< guy who has delusions that all of his friends secretly hate him bc he's too insane abt xyz media and who feels alone bc no one else is as#into it even though it wouldn't be reasonable to expect them to be#like i'm constantly questioning whether all my friends are secretly against me & finding me annoying anytime i talk about it but it's fine#it's so fucking isolating#i'm not losing my hyperfix yet thank god but i am in the stage of like realisation where the initial euphoria has worn off and i'm like#fuck no one else gets it. no one else is thinking about it like i am. and it's so lonely#< like not to sound like 'i'm 14 and no one gets me' or i'm not like other girls or whatever 😭#it's not me being dramatic i genuinely. know that no one else is spending every waking moment thinking about the things i am the way i do#and it's so incredibly depressing i can't even explain it in a way that will make sense#because i want to talk about it so fucking bad and i can't. even to my friends and gf who always listen i end up feeling annoying#and then i get genuinely delusional not like tiktok girl voice delulu like i genuinely start questioning my entire reality#just if i talk about something a little too much#bc i'm convinced i'm fucking annoying and no one gets it and they're thinking bad things about me#but i know they wouldn't. but it feels like they are#idk#anyways !
29 notes · View notes
recklessmoss · 2 years
Text
maybe it’s just my paranoia & general unsafe feeling when it comes to the internet, but the way just a huge majority of people disregard general internet safety is so scary to me...
34 notes · View notes
zannolin · 1 year
Text
you ever get an idea that is sooooo. arghhhhh bites into a roof tile and cries.
#zanna talks#i cant like word it good yet#but i think if mia ever got to talk to ethan after he died like either bc he came back or a SOR situation or whatever#that she should be allowed to be a little angry at him for just giving up. not facing the aftermath.#like you went somewhere you knew i couldnt follow. you left because you knew i was still here to take care of rose.#but you left us alone. you left ME alone.#YOU KNOW like not bc he's a terrible horrible person for doing that but bc shes human and it hurt. what he did hurt.#and anger is a stage of grief for a reason you know#i am 110% convinced he was only able to do that because she wasn't there for him to look her full in the face and say i'm leaving#you cannot change my mind on this#not bc hes scared of her or whatever the fuck ppl seem to think. but bc he loves her. and how can you do that to someone when you can see#the hurt and the realization and the grief dawn in their eyes you know#anyway. sorry ive been thinking about this so hard i had to stop reading rwrb#putting this all in the tags btw bc iiiii am scared of mia winters antis here on tumblr okay dont come for me ppl let me chill#let me have my little ideas. let me be.#like mia would understand in a way why he did it bc she did the same thing except it was different then#they could have saved him. or at least they could have tried. and he just gave up#meanwhile mias been living with the consequences and the guilt of what she did every day for years now#YKNOW.
10 notes · View notes
dragonsarecats · 10 months
Note
I actually would consider Lysithea as Houses! Claude's other best friend rather than Lorenz just like I wouldn't say Ferdinand is Edelgard's other best friend(I'd say it's Dorothea tbh). Lorenz inherently splits on Claude in most Houses! timelines unlike Lysithea & Claude's A support with Lysithea is Claude expressing that Lysithea is very uniquely dear to him whereas with Lorenz it's more about mutual respect. There's stronger feelings at least from Claude to Lysithea versus Claude to Lorenz. What do you think
I think that each character in the Deer in uniquely close to Claude in their own way. I don't think best friend is the best way to have described Lorenz's relationship to Claude, but it's hard to come up with another descriptor that describes their closeness without putting rank into play.
I mentioned it before, but when Claude faces down Dimitri in Three Hopes he takes Hilda and Lorenz to do so, which to me indicates that Claude relies upon him greatly. Each house has sort of a "right and left hand man" kind of deal with the retainer and a rival? Hubert and Ferdinand and Dedue and Felix, being what comes to mind for me. It's different for Claude, purposefully, because Hilda is a retainer in name only and again more of a friend (not to say that Dedue and Hubert are not their Lord's friend, they very much are, but that for them "retainer" is an actual role with duties while Hilda's just prevents recruitment in all routes) and Lorenz's rivalry with Claude ends up with them being equals.
When you say "split" I assume you mean endings and not recruitment? I think that Lorenz and Claude build up that respect partially because of the mutual fondness they develop for each other during Three Houses. Their A support shows off the high opinion they have of each other; the way Lorenz is able to be critical in good faith and fondness while Claude is able to be trusting and open. The whole conflict between them initially was Claude appearing out of nowhere to take the reigns of the Alliance, and the A support shows just how far they've come--that while Lorenz would not hesitate to step up to the plate, he refuses to let Claude disappear or die on him so that they can shape the future together.
Even though their A support ends up with them physically separate from each other, the fact that they're both strong leaders meeting on equal grounds to shape the future they both want.
I think the relationship between Claude and Lorenz and Claude and Lysithea is very different, and thus hard to compare. On the surface, it seems similar; they both have fond antagonism and worry in their supports, but politics and dreams of the future really define Claude and Lorenz's support chain in a way it doesn't for him and Lysithea.
Actually, I think the most interesting thing about that support chain is the fact that Claude never tries to sus out Lysithea's secrets. At least three other support chains with Lysithea involve heavy discussion of her two crests (Lindhardt comes to mind, as well as Edelgard), but Claude, who's entire support chain with Marianne centers around her secrets (and eventually apologizing by revealing one of his own), isn't particularly interested in what she's hiding.
(Although, and not to tangent--Marianne's secret and Claude's own are much more similar in that if they get out they would both fear for harm coming to their person's. Although Marianne's makes her feel like a monster and Claude's does not even though other people might want him to be.)
I think Claude and Lysithea do have a very close relationship! I think Lystithea is uniquely dear to him, but I think all the Deer are. Lysithea definitely holds a special place in his heart (and in my soul I think any child of his with a Fodlan name would probably be named after her), but I don't think there's much to get comparing her relationship with him to Lorenz? Even putting their support chains aside.
Lysithea is a character who very much believes she is going to die young, and is desperately trying to wrap up her affairs before she does so. Despite this, it doesn't really have a baring on her relationship with Claude aside from the fact that it's her unseen motivation to work herself so hard.
I will say, their A support ending is adorable and super romantic. I think Claude abandoning his post for her says a lot about their relationship--he's not entrusting his dream to her, but rather taking it out of his own hands in order to ensure that she will be apart of the future he envisions. Insane. I love love.
All of Claude's paired endings involve him working with the person he loves to achieve his dream. While some are comparable (while I don't ship them, I think Hilda working hard to be good at diplomacy so that she could help Claude improve relations between Almyra and Fodlan is absolutely adorable) in their intensity, I think Lorenz and Lysithea's actually really are not. Because, really, while Claude is trusting an unknown family member to his throne in Almyra when he abdicates to be with Lysithea, who is he trusting Fodlan to but Byleth and Lorenz (and all their other friends of course).
Again, as I've said before, it's hard to compare some of the relationships (particularly romantic ones) in three houses purely based on the fact that a big feature of this game is that every character needs to be able to end up with Byleth or another one of their friends
It's really hard to discern where exactly the relationships between Lysithea and Claude and Lorenz and Claude differ in closeness, but I think I've come to this conclusion:
Lorenz is Claude's other "best friend" in the Deer, not because he's closer to Lorenz then anyone else, but because Lorenz is the one meant to fill the rival role of left-hand man, in the way Ferdinand does for Edelgard.
I agree with you, Lysithea and Claude are very close in a way that differs from their relationships with other people. I just don't think that Lysthiea fills the narrative role that Lorenz does.
(I do think Claude names a kid of his after her, if you don't chose their ending.)
#twila talks#twila answers#fe3h#lysithea von ordelia#claude von riegan#lorenz hellman gloucester#thank you for the ask anon i really enjoyed writing this#i'm not sure if i came to an acceptable conclusion but i think it's important in three houses esp#to acknowledge the frame work and narrative aspects of the gameplay#jeralt is as they say: doomed by the narrative haunting the narrative narrating the narrative lmao#I can't really compare claude's relationship with anyone to hilda and lorenz because they are his narratively assigned right and left men#and do a great job at it considering the golden deer have much more non traditional versions of that role compared to the other houses#in a world with just platonics i think claude and lysithea are more likely than claude and lorenz to just hang out in a non formal setting#alone i mean#trying to establish that i think they're besties while also clarifying the narrative role i meant in my previous post lol#i also don't want to diminish how much lysithea is relied upon by claude both in universe and out of universe#out of universe i mean me specifically using the leonie felix lysithea stride dance warp combo to one turn post timeskip levels with claude#or lysithea just casually nuking people in one hit when you play her in any stage of the game i love her#even at the roundtable i think the ordelia's probably provide Claude with a support due in part to lysithea herself#although again her family is similarly to lorenz cautious about the empire during the war since they're a border territory and well. you kn#TO CONCLUDE. FOR REAL THIS TIME I SWEAR#lorenz is claude's narrative assigned best friend (left hand man) and does a good job of that and i didn't fully clarify that in the previo#post. Lysithea and Claude have a relationship not affected by politics but not detached from it. they are exceedingly close in a notable wa#love both lorenz and lysithea with my whole heart <3 deserve the world or maybe just a second gloucester relic#someone go kill another one of rhea's siblings or maybe just find a clone glitch skjdfhdksj
2 notes · View notes
fluffypichu876 · 10 months
Text
can we appreciate the amazing predators that are the riots?
I swear to god riot packs have killed me in bloody palace more often than anything else.
2 notes · View notes
Text
feeling extremely emo about the incredibly emo poetry I used to write.
#I don't remember all the stanzas#and I don't remember the exact write.. pretty wording but...#but#When we yawn- we force a tiny bit of oxygen directly to the brain- allowing us to stay awake a split second longer#With enough air- it is possible to play a note on a trumpet so loud- and so brash- that it will splatter brain matter against skull wall.#In africa- there is a tribe that drills holes in their skulls in order to talk to God- isn't it amazing what a little bit of oxygen can do#insert stanza that was almost definitely about shooting myself in the head#'She asks me what I'm thinking about- I yawn and say 'nothing''.#I think about death the way other people think about dinner menus#which is to say... on and off throughout the day- every day.#.... truly loved to get on a stage and just be The Worst.#all my poems were about mental illness- sex- or death... and tbh half the ones about sex were about mental illness#I wrote about about bi polar once that basically like- depression was a familiar boyfriend who was terrible for you... kept you home#who never wanted you to do anything. but meant that you would never be alone. and then Mania was this exciting temptrest of a woman.#'WIth her I was all lips and fingertips'#about knowing it was wrong but still being unable to stop myself from courting her- knowing I was cheating.#and then in the end- the poem ends with a bipolar diagnosis#and I just remember Sam... looking at me and being like ???? was that about bi polar the whole time.#yes Sam. Yes Sam. I wrote about making out with mental illness whatcha gonna do about it.
4 notes · View notes
Text
.
12 notes · View notes
king-kaneki · 2 years
Text
I finished reading Golden Terrace and it has left a hole in my heart.
12 notes · View notes
icedille · 1 year
Text
i think we should bring back the stereotypical therapy couch like how do you even make eye contact during a session. my neck hurts from keeping my head turned to stare at the wall because i'm sitting right across my therapist and i just. cannot look at him while i talk
1 note · View note
youssefguedira · 3 days
Text
in a lapse of judgement i have decided to move directly onto fleabag season 2 because i am so endlessly curious
1 note · View note
cry-ba-bys · 8 months
Text
YOU'RE AN ANGEL I'M A DOG OR YOU'RE A DOG AND I'M YOUR MAN YOU BELIVE ME LIKE A GOD I DESTROY YOU LIKE I AM
#Rant ahead I'm already sorry but yk. I'm actually not.#My mental health has been so bad in the last months and right now it feels like I will just never leave the stage of being a mentally ill#Loser. I know I've made so much progress over the years but right now everything hurts again and I feel more alone than ever. Maybe that's#Also why I made this blog but I'm not ready for that thought yet. I built such an amazing social circle with genuinely the most amazing#people ever around me and now I feel like I've destroyed everything again by just not answering them and completely isolating myself for#Fucking months and I can't tell if it's because my friends actually hate me now (which tbf I understand#I love them nonetheless.)#Or if it's just my bad mental state that's making me belive that#That and everything else that just seems to be going wrong is just so so much for me right now. I don't know how long I can do this anymore#But I also don't know any way out of this#I always end up like this and it's so annoying. How am I supposed to ever be a functional adult when talking to people is too much for me?#How am I ever supposed to believe someone can love me when I'm just the way I am#God I hate myself so much.#A few days a week I see one of my friends on the bus when we have to go to work and we chat until it's my stop. Its never more than 5#Minutes and it's always about school or work and because of that I feel more alone than ever. How am I ever supposed to built meaningful#Friendships If I know after next winter our conversations will just revolve around meaningless shit again. We used to joke about#Building a utopia through political action and we used to sit in a kitchen until 3 am and talk and talk and talk but it all felt so#Meaningful cause we were together and that made everything better. And now I talk to one of them if so happen to catch the bus at the same#Time and we talk about school. It fucking sucks#And it's all my fault
0 notes
babyleostuff · 1 month
Text
𝐝𝐫𝐞𝐬𝐬 𝐭𝐨 𝐢𝐦𝐩𝐫𝐞𝐬𝐬
Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media
𝜗𝜚 𝐓𝐇𝐄𝐌𝐄: fluff, established relationship, down bad wonwoo (he’s a certified simp) 𝜗𝜚 𝐏𝐀𝐈𝐑𝐈𝐍𝐆: idol!wonwoo x fem!reader 𝜗𝜚 𝐖𝐎𝐑𝐃𝐂𝐎𝐔𝐍𝐓: 1.6k
⦗💌 ⦘ though it didn’t bother wonwoo that his girl wasn’t a gamer like him, he was over the moon when one day she proudly declared she started gaming. one thing he forgot to ask - what kind of games she was playing.
𝐧𝐚𝐭𝐚𝐥𝐢𝐚'𝐬 𝐧𝐨𝐭𝐞: guys if i play dress to impress does it mean im finally a gamer?
Tumblr media
wonwoo was having a stroke. 
months ago, when you first started going out, he of course had to mention his love for gaming and computers, no matter how lame it made him - he figured if it bothered you then you simply weren’t fit for him. but, thankfully, you didn’t find it unappealing whatsoever, you even asked him questions about games and whatnot, sounding genuinely interested. 
and he wouldn’t lie - it’d be cool if you were a gamer as well, but… 
“no, it’s not for me,” you said when he asked if you played. “i don’t really get the hype, and to be honest i just suck really bad.” 
…but wonwoo understood that you didn’t have to share his every passion, besides - you had your hobbies, he had his, and that was perfectly fine. he was more than happy to indulge in activities that you enjoyed and getting to know you even better through them. 
during the course of your relationship you still didn’t show any interest in his games. well, maybe except for when you wanted cuddles, then you suddenly took a great interest in what was happening on his computer, but wonwoo didn’t mind. it was cute how you tried to keep up with the game though you had no idea what it was about, especially when you were sleepy.  
sometimes, though, you felt bad that you didn’t share his passion, that you didn’t know about all of the new updates, and gaming terms, or what the different keys on the keyboard were responsible for, but wonwoo was always quick to shut down those silly thoughts of yours. “i don’t mind, honey,” he always said and kissed your cheek. “i really don’t”. 
so it was safe to say that he had never expected to hear, "i'm a gamer now, baby. i play games," with a proud smile on your lips. 
wonwoo’s day had been long and hard, his muscles were aching from the hours spent on dancing and moving around the stage, and his head was begging for a moment of silence from all the yelling and yapping of his members. 
but that, that just woke him up like no amount of coffees or red bulls could. 
“huh?” he managed to say in utter confusion. 
he didn’t like how you were smiling. there was something sinister about it. 
“there’s this game everyone is playing now. i saw some videos on tik tok,” you had to stifle a giggle seeing your boyfriend’s expression upon the mention of the app he considered cursed, “and it looked fun. so… i’ve been playing it ever since you left for work.” 
well, maybe you did find it on tik tok, but a game was still a game, so wonwoo figured he should count that as a win. 
“let me show you,” you declared and took his hand with an excited grin, before he could say anything else, let alone ask you what kind of game you were talking about. 
you quickly pulled him into his bedroom, totally dismissing mingyu’s “hello”, and made him sit on his gaming chair. 
“i know you don’t like it when people touch your computer-,”.
“you can use it, honey, i don’t mind,” he cut you off and wrapped his arm around your waist, pulling you closer to him. as ecstatic as wonwoo was about your breakthrough in gaming, he could wait to go to bed and finally get his well deserved cuddles from you. 
“okay okay,” you said and unintendedly ran your fingers through his hair. “so here it is,” you pointed at the screen behind him. 
wonwoo had no idea what game could have finally caught your attention. even the adorable characters from animal crossing weren’t cute enough for you to spend more than five minutes on the game, but what he saw on his computer...
"what, uh," he gulped. "what is that?"
“dress to impress!” 
well, it certainly did not impress wonwoo. 
“it’s like a dressing up game,” you added, when your boyfriend didn’t say anything. “here.” 
you rolled him a bit away from the desk so you could take your designated place on his lap, and disconnected the headphones from the computer, which made everything so much worse. the music that was playing in the background had to be one of the worst sounds he had ever heard. 
“look,” you pointed at the timer at the top of the screen. “the game is starting.” 
he could feel how you were buzzing with excitement, clapping your hands in tiny, waiting for the time to run out. 
“okay, see? here’s the theme,” wonwoo nodded sceptically, but nonetheless tightened his grip on your waist. 
album cover. 
then the screen changed to what looked like a large walk-in closet the size of his and mingyu's apartment. a bunch of other characters were running around, and the god awful music was still playing, and you started to run around as well, and, “oh my god, what was going on?”. 
“who should i dress up as?” you bit your nail, clearly very focused. wonwoo took a peek at your furrowed brows, and small pout and for a second he drowned out the annoying sound coming from his computer, just to focus on your adorable expression.  
“i can do you!” you said, and turned around to quickly place a kiss on his cheek. “from the “face the sun” concept photos. technically it’s not an album cover, but… no one here is ever on theme anyway”.  
wonwoo could only watch as you slowly changed your outfit into something that was supposed to resemble one of his concept photos, only in a more cutified version, because as you said, "you're a babygirl". with the minutes ticking by, he couldn’t help but smile at you being so focused on putting the whole outfit together. 
"okay, it's done," you said, leaning back so you were resting against wonwoo's chest. "now it's show time."
one by one, the characters walked the carpet, presenting their… whatever their outfits were. 
“ugh, this fit sucks ass,” you groaned, and nuzzled your head into his shoulder. “wait til one of them hits the twenty eight pose,” you said, and by the tone of your voice wonwoo did not want to see that. 
“why are you giving everyone one star?” he asked, confused. “that one wasn’t that bad,” he pointed at the character that dressed up as ariana’s dangerous woman. 
“you never give anyone more than one star,” you stated as a matter of fact. “oh, look,” you squealed. “it’s me.” 
indeed it was you, and for what it was worth - your outfit looked the best in wonwoo’s opinion. but then again you were best in everything to him, so his opinion didn’t count. and then the screen turned black again. 
the winners are… 
“now we’ll see who placed on the podium,” you explained, and grabbed his hand that was still resting on your waist. 
wonwoo nodded and put his chin on your shoulder. “i’m sure you’re going to be first, honey.” 
“huh,” you huffed. “i wouldn’t be so sure about that.” 
and yeah, you were right. in the first place there was a character that wasn’t dressed up at all, in the second someone with the vip sign dressed as if they were going to the circus, and in the third there was a very creepy character of a man.
you clicked your tongue annoyed. “told you.” 
well, that was an experience wonwoo had never thought he’d have the, uh, pleasure to go through. 
“so,” you got up, and just when wonwoo was about to whine about the lack of your warmth, you straddled his lap. “what do you think?” you cupped his cheeks and smiled at him brightly. 
he wasn’t sure he was thinking at all, at this point. 
the annoying music? unbearable. the clearly not on theme outfits? hideous. the weird poses that freaked him out? he was sure he’d get nightmares from them. 
wonwoo must’ve been thinking too long about his answer so as not to hurt your feelings, because the smile slowly started to disappear from your face. "you think it's weird, right?" you asked and looked down.
"what? no, it's not that, it's-,".
"sweetie, i understand," you laughed quietly. "it's a game for kids, and a little cheesy at that but-,".
"no no," wonwoo quickly said and grabbed your face in his hands so he could lift your head. "i just didn't expect this. you always said you didn't like to game and i didn't know what to expect."
"yeah, but still-,".
"oh could you be quiet for a second?" he smiled when he saw the corners of your lips lift up. "i didn't mean to make you feel bad and i'm sorry if it did.” 
yeah, the game might not have been his style, and he would never have played it himself, but you liked it. and that was all he cared about. he had never seen you smile like that when he was gaming - your eyes were practically heart shaped when you were dressing up your character, and if this wasn't the most adorable thing ever he didn't know what it was. 
if it made you happy, then it made him happy too.
"you have no idea how glad you found a game you like," he ran his thumbs over your cheeks. "and you know what? if i played myself i'd definitely give your outfit five stars."
you giggled, and wrapped your hand around one of his wrists. "thank you, wonwoo."
"of course," he muttered and pecked your forhead. "now tell me, is there a way we could play it at the same time?"
"wonwoo, you don't have to-,"
"but i want to," he said.
for a moment you just looked at him with a raised brow, as if you were trying to figure out if he was really telling the truth. and he really was. wonwoo would survive any horrible outfit and that annoying music just to see you so excited and happy again.
"are you sure?"
he quickly nodded.
"okay, then let me get my computer."
Tumblr media
taglist (if you want to be added, check my masterlist): @jeonghansshitester @weird-bookworm @sea-moon-star @hanniehaee @wonwooz1 @byprettymar @edgaralienpoe @staranghae @itza-meee @eightlightstar @immabecreepin @whatsgyud @hyneyedfiz @honestlydopetree @vicehectic @dkswife @uniq-tastic @marisblogg @aaniag @daegutowns @carlesscat-thinklogic23 @embrace-themagic @ohmyhuenings @nidda13 @hrts4hanniehae @k-drama-adict @isabellah29 @f4iryjjosh @bangantokchy @mrswonwooo @bangtancultsposts @lllucere @athanasiasakura @onlyyjeonghan @haecien @caramyisabitchforsvtandbts @hannahhbahng @valgracia @ohmygodwhyareallusernamestaken @mirxzii @hhusbuds @wonranghaeee @rosiesauriostuff @gyuguys @tomodachiii @veryfabday @lilmochiandsuga @asasilentreader @mrsnervous @bewoyewo @sharonxdevi @wondipity @gyuguys @raginghellfire @treehouse-mouse @waldau @wonootnoot @hellodefthings @dokyeomkyeom @sourkimchi @bbysnw @hoichi02 @aaa-sia @haneulparadx @minvrsev @zozojella @wonootnoot @kimingyuslover @wntrei @honglynights @jihoonsbbygirl @uhdrienne @bloodcanbehot  @iamawkwardandshy  @icyminghao @heeseungthel0ml @goyangiiwonu @bath1lda @ruurooozz @ny0sang @luuxian @onerubii @iamawkwardandshy @hurrican3-insert-nam3 @mekuiikore @luvseungcheol @thenotoriousegg @yuuyeonie @soffiyuhh
2K notes · View notes
inkskinned · 1 year
Text
so while i was writing the book, i became violently suicidal.
this was mostly due to the fact that i had a very bad reaction to some meds and my brain stopped producing any serotonin. also i was in the last semester of grad school where it's actually illegal to feel anything but dread. so it wasn't going well.
somewhere in the fog of it i became aware i needed help. nobody was taking clients or my insurance. i didn't want to do inpatient care - it wasn't right for my needs. there's not really an "in between" stage between "inpatient" and "no care," but i was trying to do the right thing. i was trying to activate the chain of command that was my emergency plan. i knew i needed help now.
i used betterhelp.
i know, i know. i'm a straight-A student and so smart and so clever, how could i ever use something so blatantly bad. to be honest with you, i didn't feel particularly keen on it from the getgo - things that seem too good to be true usually are. also, if something online is free, the price is usually your privacy.
the thing is that there was kind of a global pandemic happening at the time and i worked 5 jobs alongside of being a fulltime student and also like writing a book on the side. it is a miracle that i even thought about getting help. i would love to tell you i had the mental wherewithal to like, process whether this was the right choice for me. mostly i was desperate. i was so suicidal that i was trying to find a reason to stay inside of fortune cookies. i was the kind of suicidal that looks like splatterpaint. i hadn't been that bad in an entire decade.
they took my data. i gave them it freely. somewhere out there, they have a dossier on me. on everything i survived. my story in little datapoints, scattergraphed beautifully.
the first woman told me that really i should be grateful, because (and this is a direct quote): "at least you're not anne frank." i said that i felt that statement was antisemitic, as anne frank's life and experience shouldn't be compared to like, a nonbinary lesbian in western massachusetts. the therapist said that i should try to use lucid dreaming to try to picture myself in an actually scary situation, like running from nazis.
i applied for another therapist. i was willing to accept the possibility that there was a bad apple in the bunch. the next therapist and i even laughed about how inappropriate that statement was. and then, in our next session: the new therapist said if i was struggling with body image issues, i should just work harder on my appearance. she spent 3 sessions in a row talking about how she was grieving, and made me memorize facts about her grandmother so "she can live on through my clients."
i am a three's-a-charm kind of person. okay, so what if the last person made me uncomfortable. i figured it was just a misunderstanding of priorities - she had felt she was sharing with me, i had felt like i had to take care of her. i applied for another therapist.
the last woman asked me to help her pray. she bowed her head. i stared at her, frozen, while she said: lord, i beg you: cure her. take the pain of being gay away from her.
i spent somewhere between 2.5 and 3 months on betterhelp. in that whole time, i was not getting the professional help i so desperately needed, even though i was fucking trying.
in the end, i survived this because i finally could get off the meds that were literally killing me. a request for a real therapist finally went through. i survived because my friends saved my life. because nick let me sob myself dry in his arms. because maddie took the razors out of my room when i asked them to. because grace slept over in my bed for like 3 weeks in a row since nobody trusted me not to hurt myself when i was alone. i survived because i got fucking lucky. because even when i was desperately suicidal, i was too old and too self-aware to take "you need to be prettier" as good advice.
the thing is that there's a 19 year old me who isn't like that. who would have heard "just think about how grateful you should be" and said - oh, i see. i would have assumed that is what it means to be in therapy: the same thing my abusers used to tell me. that i am just pretending and lazy. that i am ugly and unworthy.
betterhelp positioned itself to take advantage of an incredibly vulnerable community. it preys on desperation. it knows it is serving people who are not doing well mentally. it saw that there is a huge need for real, immediate, compassionate mental health care: and then it fucking takes your money and privacy.
i still get their ads on instagram. last night i watched as a woman in a pool pretends to talk to a different woman. they discuss her anxiety.
there's a 19 year old version of me, and she didn't survive this. she was too tired, and drowning. i almost fucking died. this thing almost fucking killed me.
in the ad, the woman playing the therapist takes a note on a clipboard and then nods once, sagely.
i have to admit it's a pretty scene. the steam and light coming off the pool water lands on the actresses. like this, it almost looks baptismal, holy.
10K notes · View notes
021894s · 1 month
Text
THE GIRL FROM THE BAR ⭑ lhs
Tumblr media
SYNOPSIS: After a tough workday, you visit a quiet bar to unwind, but are harassed by a persistent stranger. The charming bartender, Heeseung, steps in, defending you, sparking an unexpected conversation. As you connect, you feels your stress melt away, drawn to Heeseung's kindness and charm, setting the stage for a blossoming romance.
GENRE: romance, mutual pining
PAIRING: bartender!heeseung x f!reader
WARNINGS: fluff, smut, unprotected sex, oral (m & f receiving)
wc: 6.5k
Tumblr media
It's an unusually quiet Wednesday night when you push open the door of the dimly lit bar. The cool air inside is a welcome contrast to the stifling heat of the summer evening. You make your way to the bar and take a seat, the events of your rough day still weighing heavily on your mind.
As you settle onto the stool, a man approaches, a sleazy grin spreading across his face. "Hey, beautiful," he says, leaning in closer than you'd like.
You roll your eyes, not in the mood for this. "Not happening," you reply, hoping he'd take the hint and leave you alone.
But he doesn't. "C'mon, don't be like that," he persists, his persistence grating on your nerves.
Before you can respond, a voice cuts through the tension. "Pretty sure no means no."
You look up to see a man standing behind the bar, his gaze fixed firmly on the man bothering you. The guy scoffs, looking the man up and down. "Oh, and what are you, her boyfriend?"
His expression remains calm, but there's a steely edge to his voice. "No, but I don't need to be to know how to respect women."
The man's bravado falters, and he mutters under his breath, "Whatever, you weren't that hot anyway," before slinking away.
He turns his attention to you, his features softening into a concerned expression. "Sorry about that. We get the average asshole in here every night."
You're momentarily stunned by his beauty, the way his dark hair frames his face, and the warmth in his eyes, his lean build that wasn’t remarkably bulky, but just enough to make your mind race at the thought of being wrapped in those arms. It takes you a second to find your voice. "N-no, it's okay. Thank you for that."
Heeseung smiles, a genuine and reassuring smile that makes your heart flutter. "Can I get you anything to drink?"
You manage a small smile in return, feeling the tension of your day begin to melt away. "A gin and tonic, please."
"Coming right up," he says, his hands moving deftly to prepare your drink. You watch him, fascinated by the ease with which he works, the smoothness of his movements.
When he places the drink in front of you, you take a grateful sip, savoring the way the cool liquid seems to calm your frayed nerves. Heeseung leans against the counter, his gaze steady on you. "Bad day?"
You let out a bitter laugh. "You could say that. Work was a nightmare. Everything that could go wrong did."
He nods sympathetically. "I know how that feels. Sometimes it seems like the universe just has it out for you."
You raise an eyebrow, a playful smirk on your lips. "You? I can't imagine someone like you having a bad day."
He chuckles, a low, comforting sound. "Looks can be deceiving. I'm Heeseung, by the way."
"Y/N," you say, offering a small smile in return. "So, what brought you to bartending? Surely someone like you has other options."
He shrugs, a hint of a grin playing at the corners of his mouth. "I needed a job, and I like talking to people. Plus, it's a good way to pay the bills while I figure out what I really want to do."
You take another sip of your drink, feeling the alcohol begin to take the edge off your day. "And what do you really want to do?"
Heeseung's expression turns thoughtful. "I'm not entirely sure yet. Something creative, maybe. Music or art. I just know I don't want to be stuck in a nine-to-five grind forever."
You nod in understanding, your eyes sparkling with interest. "I get that. Sometimes I feel like I'm just going through the motions, doing what I have to do to get by. It's nice to meet someone who dreams big."
"Yeah, but sometimes you need to take a step back and figure out what makes you happy," Heeseung says, his gaze intent on yours. "Life's too short to be miserable all the time. And you seem like someone who deserves to be happy."
You feel a warmth spread through you, not just from the drink but from the unexpected connection you feel with this charming stranger. You continue talking, sharing stories and laughter, and as the evening wears on, you find yourself feeling lighter, the burden of your day lifting with each passing moment.
Heeseung leans in slightly, his voice dropping to a softer, more intimate tone. "You know, I don't usually see someone as intriguing as you walk through that door. It's a nice change of pace."
Your heart flutters at his words, and you can't help but smile. "Well, I'm glad I came in then”.
By the time you finish your drink, you realize you haven't felt this relaxed in a long time. "Thank you, Heeseung," you say sincerely. "I didn't realize how much I needed this."
He smiles, a genuine, heartfelt expression. "Anytime, Y/N. Sometimes all it takes is a good conversation and a little company to turn things around."
You stand up, feeling a sense of clarity you hadn't had before. "I'll definitely be back."
"I'll be here," he says, his eyes lingering on yours. "Looking forward to it."
As you walk out of the bar, your spirits lifted and your mind clearer than it had been in a long time, you can't help but think about when you'll see Heeseung again.
Over the following weeks, you find yourself returning to the bar with increasing anticipation. Each visit seems to bring you closer to Heeseung, and your interactions grow more flirtatious and comfortable.
Heeseung greets you with a wide grin. “Look who decided to make my night again.”
“Couldn’t stay away,” you reply, sliding onto the stool. “I’ll have a gin and tonic , please.”
As he mixes your drink, he leans in a little closer than before. “You know, you’re quickly becoming my favorite customer.”
“Am I now?” you tease, meeting his gaze. “Does that come with any perks?”
“Maybe,” he says with a wink. “Depends on how many more times you show up.”
Conversation always came naturally in the time you found yourself spending with Heeseung. You’d find out something new about each other every time, like how he actually lived right above the bar. Perks of being close with the owner. It didn’t surprise you, his charms and genuinely good heart making it easy for anyone to love him.
You hadn't realized how much you’d come to rely on your nightly visits to the bar until your job started to get more demanding. The project you’d been assigned had become increasingly complex, with tight deadlines and a seemingly endless series of business trips. Each day seemed to blur into the next, and your usual escape—those comforting evenings at the bar—became a rare luxury.
One particular week, a major client needed hand-holding through a difficult negotiation, which meant back-to-back meetings and a whirlwind trip to a different city. You barely had time to catch your breath, let alone think about your next visit to the bar. The days were long, filled with endless calls and emails, and the nights were spent in sterile hotel rooms, far from the familiar warmth of Heeseung's presence.
As the days turned into a week, you couldn't help but feel a pang of regret each evening. You missed the easy conversation with Heeseung, the way his smile seemed to make your worries melt away, and the genuine connection that had formed between you. You wondered if he noticed your absence, if he missed you even half as much as you missed him.
Finally, after what felt like an eternity, you wrapped up the business trip and headed back home. Exhausted but relieved, you decided to head straight to the bar, your need for familiarity and comfort driving you forward.
As you walked in, the bar was just as you remembered it, but something felt different. The usual hum of conversation and clinking glasses seemed more subdued. You made your way to your usual seat, and there he was—Heeseung, looking up from the bar with a mix of surprise and relief in his eyes.
"Y/N," he called out, his voice warm and welcoming. "Long time no see. I was starting to think ran off with a secret boyfriend "
You smile, feeling a weight lift from your shoulders. "oh yeah, couldn’t wait any longer we just had to elope." you joke back “don’t worry though you can still be my lover”
He laughs, the bright smile you missed bringing a smile of your own to your lips. "tempting. you think he’d be ok with that?"
You take a deep breath, his flirty response catching you off guard despite knowing it was coming. "what he doesn’t know won’t hurt him.” you flash him a smile, “seriously tho, It's been... a lot. Business trips, endless meetings, demanding clients. I’ve barely had a moment to myself."
Heeseung leans on the counter, his eyes soft with sympathy. "Sounds like you could use a drink and some serious relaxation."
"You have no idea," you reply with a tired smile. "I'll have my usual, please."
As he mixes your drink, you let out a long sigh, finally allowing yourself to relax. When he sets the drink in front of you, he doesn’t pull away immediately. Instead, he stays close, his presence comforting.
"So, tell me more," he says, his tone gentle. "What’s been keeping you so busy?"
You take a sip of your drink, savoring the familiar taste. "Where do I even start? This project I’m on has been a nightmare. We had to fly out to meet with a client who needed constant reassurance. The whole team is exhausted, and I’ve been living out of a suitcase for the past week."
Heeseung listens intently, his eyes never leaving yours. "That sounds rough. I’m sorry you’ve had such a tough time."
"Thanks," you say, appreciating his sympathy. "I’ve missed this place. I’ve missed... you."
Heeseung’s smile is soft and genuine. "I’ve missed you too, Y/N. The place hasn’t been the same without you."
You feel a warmth spread through you at his words. "Well, I’m back now. And I plan to make up for all the missed nights."
Heeseung grins. "I’ll hold you to that. You know, I was worried about you. It's not like you to disappear without a word."
"I’m sorry," you say, feeling a pang of guilt. "I should have let you know what was going on."
Heeseung shakes his head. "No need to apologize. Just glad to have you back."
As the evening wears on, you finish your drink, feeling the comforting buzz of alcohol mixed with the profound exhaustion from your grueling week. Heeseung has gotten busier, a rush of customers filling the bar and demanding his attention. He glances at you frequently, concern flickering in his eyes whenever he catches sight of you.
You try to keep your eyes open, but the combination of exhaustion and the alcohol makes it increasingly difficult. You rest your head on your hand, your eyelids growing heavier with each passing moment.
From your spot at the bar, you watch Heeseung expertly handle the crowd, his movements fluid and confident. Every so often, he throws a reassuring smile in your direction, but the bustle of the bar pulls him away each time he tries to come over to you.
Finally, the exhaustion becomes too much. Your head droops, and you find yourself struggling to stay awake. Just as your eyes begin to close, you feel a gentle touch on your shoulder.
"Y/N," Heeseung's voice breaks through the fog of sleep. "You okay?"
You blink a few times, trying to focus on his concerned face. "Yeah, just... tired."
Heeseung's brow furrows as he takes in your weary state. "Why don’t you come upstairs and rest? You’re not driving home like this."
You hesitate, shaking your head slightly. “No, it’s fine. I’ve been up longer before. I don’t want to intrude.”
Heeseung’s eyes soften, his concern evident. “You’re not intruding, Y/N. I insist. You need rest, and I have a spare room. Please.”
"Come on," he says softly, guiding you to the door at the back of the bar and up the narrow staircase to his apartment.
Once inside, he leads you to the spare bedroom and helps you sit on the edge of the bed. "Stay here. I'll get you some water and something for the morning."
You nod, too tired to do much more than mumble a thank you. Heeseung disappears for a moment, returning with a glass of water, a couple of pills, and one of his soft t-shirts.
"Here," he says, handing you the shirt. "You’ll be more comfortable in this."
You change into the t-shirt, the fabric soft and comforting against your skin. Heeseung returns with the water and pills, sitting beside you on the bed.
"Take these," he says gently, holding out the glass and pills. "They’ll help with the hangover."
You do as he instructs, feeling a bit more coherent now. "Thanks, Heeseung. For everything."
Heeseung smiles, his eyes soft with concern and something else you can’t quite identify. "Anytime, Y/N. You know I’m here for you."
You look around the room, taking in the minimalistic decor, the photos of Heeseung with his best friend Sunghoon, and pictures of his family. The personal touches make you feel closer to him, a warmth spreading through you that has nothing to do with the alcohol.
"You really have a nice place," you say softly, feeling a bit more grounded.
Heeseung chuckles, his eyes crinkling at the corners. "Thanks. I’m glad you think so."
As you settle into the bed, Heeseung stands, looking down at you with a mix of concern and affection. "Get some rest, okay? I’ll be right downstairs if you need anything."
You nod, already feeling the pull of sleep. "Goodnight, Heeseung."
"Goodnight, Y/N," he replies, his voice gentle as he turns off the light and quietly leaves the room.
In the darkness, you let out a deep breath, the events of the past week finally catching up to you. But despite the exhaustion, a sense of peace settles over you. Knowing Heeseung is just a room away, that he cares for you enough to make sure you’re safe and comfortable, fills you with a warmth you hadn’t realized you were missing.
As you drift off to sleep, you can’t help but feel grateful for the connection you’ve found with Heeseung. And maybe, just maybe, there’s something more than friendship growing between you.
The next morning, you wake up to the soft light filtering through the blinds, your head surprisingly clear thanks to the water and pills Heeseung gave you last night. You stretch, feeling the comfort of his t-shirt against your skin, and remember where you are. The events of the previous evening come back in a rush, and you’re filled with a sense of gratitude and a hint of embarrassment.
You decide to freshen up, so you get out of bed and make your way to the restroom. Just as you reach for the doorknob, the door swings open, and you find yourself face-to-face with Heeseung, freshly showered, with only a white towel hanging low on his hips. His hair is damp, drops of water still clinging to his skin, and his well-defined torso is on full display.
For a moment, neither of you moves. You’re too stunned to speak, and Heeseung seems equally taken aback. His eyes widen slightly as he registers your presence, and then a slow, teasing smile spreads across his face.
"Good morning," he says, his voice a little huskier than usual. "Sleep well?"
You swallow, trying to maintain your composure despite the sudden heat rushing to your cheeks. "Y-yes, thank you. I was just... heading to the restroom."
He steps aside, still smiling. "It's all yours."
You nod, squeezing past him, trying not to brush against him too much. Once inside the restroom, you close the door and take a deep breath, trying to steady your racing heart. After a moment, you gather yourself and freshen up quickly.
When you step out of the restroom, Heeseung is in the kitchen, now dressed in a t-shirt and jeans, his hair still slightly damp but styled. He’s making coffee, and the rich aroma fills the apartment.
"Feeling better?" he asks, glancing up at you with a warm smile.
You nod, walking over to join him. "Much better, thanks to you."
Heeseung pours you a cup of coffee and hands it to you. "Good. I’m glad. I didn’t want you to go through today feeling like a wreck."
You take the coffee, savoring the warmth. "You’re really kind, Heeseung. I don’t know how to thank you."
Heeseung leans against the counter, his expression thoughtful. "You don’t need to thank me, Y/N. I’m just glad I could help. You work so hard; you deserve to take care of yourself, too."
His words touch you deeply, and you find yourself smiling despite the lingering awkwardness of the morning. "Well, you’ve definitely made a fan out of me. I don’t know what I would have done without you last night."
Heeseung chuckles. "I think you would have managed, but I’m glad I was here. Besides, I like having you around."
You both fall into an easy silence, sipping your coffee. The atmosphere is comfortable, and you feel a sense of closeness that goes beyond the usual bar conversations. It's as if the bond between you has deepened overnight.
"So," Heeseung says after a moment, his eyes twinkling with mischief. "Do you have any plans for today, or are you just going to recover from the week?"
You laugh softly, feeling the tension of the past days finally lifting. "I think I’ll take it easy. Maybe catch up on some sleep, watch a movie, and just relax."
Heeseung nods approvingly. "Sounds like a good plan. If you need anything, feel free to hang out here as long as you like. Mi casa es su casa."
"Thank you," you reply, genuinely touched. "I might take you up on that."
Heeseung’s smile widens. "I hope you do."
As you both finish your coffee, the morning sun streaming in through the windows, you realize that this simple act of kindness has brought you and Heeseung even closer. The easy conversation, the shared laughter, and the mutual respect all make you feel incredibly lucky to have found someone like him. Friend or someone thing more.
Heeseung’s expression brightens, and he leans forward, his eyes twinkling with mischief. “How about we make today fun? I know you said you wanted to relax, but maybe we can do something together. It doesn’t have to be anything crazy—just something to take your mind off work.”
You feel a flutter of excitement at his suggestion. “That sounds great. What do you have in mind?”
Heeseung grins. “Well, there’s a little café down the street that makes the best pastries. We could start there and then see where the day takes us.”
You can’t help but smile back, the prospect of spending more time with Heeseung lifting your spirits. “I’d love that.”
As you get ready to head out, you glance around his apartment once more, the personal touches making you feel even closer to him. The photos, the simple decor, everything speaks of the man you’ve come to care about.
Heeseung grabs his keys and turns to you, his smile warm and inviting. “Ready?”
You nod, feeling a sense of anticipation. “Ready.”
The café Heeseung mentioned turns out to be a charming little spot with a cozy atmosphere and an enticing display of pastries. As you walk in, the smell of freshly baked goods and brewing coffee envelops you, making your stomach growl in anticipation.
Heeseung leads you to a table by the window, and you both take a seat. He smiles at you, his eyes sparkling with excitement. “What do you want to try first?”
You glance at the display, feeling a bit overwhelmed by the delicious options. “Everything looks so good. Maybe we should get a few different things and share?”
Heeseung nods enthusiastically. “Good idea. I’ll get us a selection. Be right back.”
As he heads to the counter, you watch him interact with the barista, his easy charm and warmth evident in every gesture. You can’t help but feel a surge of affection for him, grateful for his presence in your life.
Heeseung returns with a tray full of assorted pastries and two steaming cups of coffee. “Hope you’re hungry,” he says, setting the tray down with a grin.
You laugh softly. “I am. This all looks amazing.”
You both dig in, sharing bites and commenting on the flavors. The conversation flows naturally, the ease between you growing with each passing moment. It feels like the perfect way to unwind after the stress of your job, and you find yourself relaxing more and more.
After you’ve sampled nearly everything on the tray, Heeseung leans back in his chair, a satisfied smile on his face. “That was a good call. I’m stuffed.”
You nod in agreement, feeling content. “Me too. Thanks for bringing me here. It’s exactly what I needed.”
Heeseung’s eyes soften, and he reaches across the table to take your hand. “I’m glad. You deserve to have a break and enjoy yourself.”
Your heart skips a beat at the tenderness in his voice. “Thank you, Heeseung. For everything.”
He gives your hand a gentle squeeze. “Anytime, Y/N. You know I’m always here for you.”
As you both finish your coffee, the café begins to fill up with the lunchtime crowd. Heeseung glances around, then back at you with a playful glint in his eye. “How about we take a walk? There’s a park nearby that’s really nice.”
You smile, feeling excited at the prospect. “I’d love that.”
You leave the café and head to the park, the sun shining brightly and a gentle breeze rustling the leaves. As you walk along the winding paths, Heeseung keeps the conversation light and playful, making you laugh with his witty remarks and stories.
At one point, you come across a small pond with a few benches nearby. Heeseung leads you to one of the benches, and you both sit down, enjoying the peaceful surroundings.
He turns to you, his expression thoughtful. “You know, I’ve really enjoyed spending this time with you, Y/N. It’s nice to see you relax and have fun.”
You smile, feeling a warmth spread through you at his words. “I’ve enjoyed it too, Heeseung. You make everything better.”
Heeseung’s eyes hold yours, a hint of something deeper flickering in their depths. “I’m glad to hear that. You mean a lot to me, Y/N.”
Your breath catches at the intensity of his gaze, and you feel a rush of emotion. “You mean a lot to me too, Heeseung.”
For a moment, the world seems to fade away, leaving just the two of you in a bubble of shared feelings and unspoken words. The connection between you feels stronger than ever, and you realize that what you have with Heeseung is something truly special.
Heeseung breaks the silence first, his voice soft. “I’m really glad you came into the bar that night. It feels like we’ve known each other forever.”
You nod, your heart full. “Me too. It was the best decision I’ve ever made.”
The following week, after a particularly easygoing day at work, you decide to stop by the bar for your regular visit. The familiar sight of the dimly lit interior and the hum of conversations usually bring you comfort, but tonight, something feels off.
As you walk in, your eyes immediately land on Heeseung behind the bar. Relief washes over you, but it’s short-lived. Standing in front of him is a blonde girl, effortlessly beautiful, with a radiant smile. She's leaning over the counter, clearly flirting with him.
You freeze for a moment, feeling a pang of something sharp and unwelcome in your chest. Jealousy. It's a bitter taste, one you’re not used to, but there it is, gnawing at you as you watch them. The blonde girl is everything you feel you’re not—gorgeous, confident, and completely at ease.
Heeseung laughs at something she says, and it’s a sound you’ve come to cherish. But hearing it now, directed at someone else, it feels like a punch to the gut. You glance down at your work attire, feeling frumpy and out of place compared to her chic outfit.
Taking a deep breath, you steel yourself and walk towards the bar, determined to act like everything is normal. As you approach, Heeseung’s eyes meet yours, and for a brief moment, his smile falters. He quickly recovers, but you can see the flicker of surprise and perhaps guilt in his eyes.
"Hey, Y/N!" Heeseung greets you with his usual warmth, but you can’t help but notice the way the blonde girl glances at you, her expression curious but dismissive.
"Hi, Heeseung," you reply, forcing a smile. You sit down a few seats away from the blonde, not wanting to intrude but unable to completely leave.
Heeseung shifts his attention to you, his gaze lingering as if trying to gauge your mood. "The usual?" he asks, already reaching for a glass.
"Yeah, thanks," you say, your voice coming out steadier than you feel.
The blonde girl pouts a little, clearly annoyed by the interruption. "I was just telling Heeseung about this new club that opened downtown," she says, trying to pull his focus back to her. "Maybe he could come check it out with me sometime."
You feel your heart sink further at her words, but you try to keep your face neutral. Heeseung, however, surprises you. He doesn’t immediately respond to her invitation. Instead, he finishes making your drink and slides it over to you, his hand brushing yours ever so slightly.
"Here you go, Y/N," he says, his voice soft. Then he turns to the blonde girl, his smile polite but distant. "I'll think about it, but I’m pretty busy these days."
The blonde girl looks disappointed but doesn’t push further. She lingers for a few more minutes, trying to engage him in conversation, but Heeseung’s attention keeps drifting back to you. Eventually, she gets the hint and leaves, though not without casting you one last curious glance.
As soon as she’s gone, Heeseung leans across the bar, closer to you. "You okay?" he asks, concern evident in his eyes.
You take a sip of your drink, the familiar taste grounding you a little. "Yeah, just a long day," you reply, managing a small smile.
Heeseung studies you for a moment, then nods. "Well, I’m here if you need to talk," he says, his voice gentle.
You nod, feeling a bit better knowing he cares. The jealousy still lingers, but seeing the way he prioritizes you over her, even subtly, helps ease some of the sting. For now, that's enough.
Over the next few minutes, the bar starts to fill up, and Heeseung gets busier, but he still finds moments to check on you, giving you reassuring smiles or quick touches on your hand whenever he passes by. It helps, but the image of the blonde girl still lingers in your mind, gnawing at your insecurities.
You watch Heeseung work, marveling at his ease and grace. He moves behind the bar with practiced efficiency, chatting with customers, mixing drinks, and flashing that charming smile. It’s clear why people are drawn to him.
“Another drink?” Heeseung asks, stopping in front of you.
“Sure,” you reply, handing him your empty glass.
As he makes your drink, you can’t help but blurt out, “She seemed nice.”
Heeseung glances at you, a small smirk playing on his lips. “Who? Amelia?”
“Yeah, her,” you say, trying to keep your tone casual.
“She’s a regular. Comes in every now and then,” he explains, sliding your drink over. “But I wouldn’t read too much into it. She flirts with everyone.”
You raise an eyebrow. “Everyone?”
“Everyone,” he confirms, his smirk widening. “It’s just her way.”
You nod, feeling slightly better but still uneasy. “Well, she’s really pretty.”
Heeseung leans closer, lowering his voice. “So are you, Y/N.”
You blink, caught off guard by his comment. “I—what?”
“I mean it,” he says, his eyes sincere. “You’re pretty, and you’re interesting. I enjoy our conversations a lot more than random flirtations.”
You feel your cheeks heat up, and you look away, flustered. “Thanks, Heeseung.”
“Anytime,” he replies softly.
Just then, a group of rowdy customers enters the bar, and Heeseung has to attend to them. You take a deep breath, letting his words sink in. It feels good to hear that from him, to know he sees you differently.
As the evening progresses, the crowd in the bar begins to thin out. Heeseung wipes down the counter, glancing at you with a playful smile. He sets down his cloth and approaches you, the energy between you two crackling with unspoken words.
“You know, Y/N,” he says, leaning closer, “I’m due for a break. Mind if I join you for a bit?”
“Not at all,” you reply, your heart racing with anticipation.
Heeseung slips around the bar and takes a seat next to you. He stretches his legs out and leans back, looking more relaxed than you’ve ever seen him while working. His scent infiltrates your nostrils. The cologne he was wearing wasn’t remarkably strong, but it mixed with the scent of fresh laundry and a little sweat. You thought the combination worked quite well. “So, how’s your night going so far?” he asks, his eyes twinkling with mischief.
“It’s better now that you’re here,” you say, your voice soft and genuine.
Heeseung laughs, a sound that sends warmth through you. “Glad to hear it,” he says. “It’s nice to get a break and actually talk to you without having to rush around.”
“I was thinking the same thing,” you say, feeling a growing confidence. “It’s good to have some uninterrupted time with you.”
Heeseung’s eyes lock onto yours, and the intensity of his gaze makes your pulse quicken. “I’ve been looking forward to this all week,” he admits. “It’s like the highlight of my Fridays.”
You smile, feeling a thrill at his words. “Really? I didn’t know I had such an effect on you.”
“You have no idea,” he says, his voice dropping to a low, intimate tone. “I find myself thinking about you more than I probably should.”
You laugh softly, feeling a blush rise to your cheeks. “I guess that makes two of us then.”
Heeseung shifts closer, his arm brushing against yours. “You know, Y/N,” he says, his voice husky, “I’ve been wanting to ask you something.”
“What’s that?” you ask, your breath catching.
“Do you want anything to eat?” he asks, his eyes searching yours.
You feel a little disappointed at his question. You’re not quite sure what you expected but if your were being honest, you were hoping he’d finally ask you out. Moving past the disappointment, you feel a sudden surge of boldness, you lean in slightly, your lips curving into a mischievous smile. “You,” you reply, your voice barely above a whisper.
Heeseung’s eyes widen slightly in surprise before a slow, delighted smile spreads across his face. “Is that so?” he murmurs, his voice thick with amusement and something deeper.
“It is,” you confirm, holding his gaze.
The playful banter between you intensifies, and Heeseung inches closer, his face now mere inches from yours. “you sure you can handle me baby?” he says softly, his breath mingling with yours.
For a moment, the world around you seems to disappear. Heeseung’s eyes are locked on yours, and you can feel the magnetic pull between you. He inches closer, his breath mingling with yours, and you realize that this moment could change everything.
“Wanna find out?” you ask, your heart soaring with anticipation.
Heeseung takes hold of your hand, leading you through a door at the back of the bar, up a narrow staircase that creaks under your feet. The air grows warmer, and the intimacy of the space makes your pulse race.
Heeseung unlocks the door and pushes it open, revealing a cozy, modest apartment. The soft glow of a lamp casts a warm light over the room, highlighting the simple, comfortable furnishings. It feels like a sanctuary, a place where the rest of the world fades away.
Heeseung turns to you, his expression serious but tender. “I want you to feel comfortable here,” he says. “If at any point you want to stop, just let me know.”
You step closer, reaching out to touch his arm. “I trust you, Heeseung,” you say, your voice steady despite the butterflies in your stomach.
He smiles, a mixture of relief and desire in his eyes. “Come here,” he murmurs, pulling you into his arms.
The embrace is electric, and you feel the tension between you dissolve as you melt into each other. Heeseung’s lips find yours in a kiss that is both gentle and passionate, a promise of everything you’ve both been yearning for.
He leads you further into the apartment, his hands never leaving yours. The world outside fades away as you step into the intimacy of his space, every touch and whisper drawing you closer together.
Heeseung guides you to the couch, sitting down and pulling you onto his lap. The feel of his body against yours is intoxicating, and you lose yourself in the sensation of his hands exploring your back, your sides, your face.
“You drive me crazy, you know that?” Heeseung murmurs against your lips, his voice filled with a raw honesty that makes your heart ache.
“I know the feeling,” you reply, your fingers threading through his hair.
You leaned in and kissed him again. The kiss becoming hungrier, the both of you unfraid to show how needy you were for each other.
You could feel his growing length pressing against your clothed core, the both of you letting out a small moan when you ground your hips against him.
He reached down and pulled up your skirt, slipping his fingers inside your panties and finding you wet and ready for him “shit baby you’re so wet”. You gasped as he stroked your clit, his long, slender fingers applying just the right amount of pressure to get you squirming on top of him.
“shit, seung feels so good” his fingers slide down your folds, prodding at your whole. Without warning he slips one in, that singular finger reaching places you haven’t with your own. “You’re all I’ve wanted since I met you”, Heeseung tells you, his words making you clench around him , “m-me too”. He quickens his movements inserting a second, and then a third, the coil in your lower belly snapping at his “seung im cumming” you hardly manage to get out.
“let go for me baby, show me how good I make you feel” without another word, you’re coming undone.
Desperate for more, you reach to unbutton his pants pulling out his hard dick. It was long and thick. You didnt deem it possible for a penis to be considered pretty, but that’s the only word you could think of at the sight in from of you. You couldn't wait to feel him
“like what you see?” he asks. confidence in his voice, it was a stark contrast from how gentle he was towards you on your frequent visits to the bar. It made him all the more desireable. “mhm more than like”
You wrapped your lips around his mushroom tip and sucked him deep into your mouth. His length being enveloped bya warmth that had his eyes rolling to the back do his head. “shit baby”.
You clench around nothing, the newfound nickname one you never watched to stop hearing.
He groaned and grabbed your head, running his fingers through your hair, gripping it. You could feel him getting closer to cumming, but You didn't want him to just yet. You pull away and His eyes shoot open, looking at you with confusion “are you okay?” you smirk at him, climbing up from your spot and straddling his lap “mhm i’m more than okay”. You guided his dick to your entrance, teasing the tip on your slick. You slowly sank onto his cock, a low groan escaping his throat at the newfound feeling of your tight, wet heat.
“hee” you moaned, digging your nails into his shoulder at the feel of him stretching you so deliciously. “I got you pretty, s-shit you feel so good around me” He smashes his lips against yours, capturing you in a hungry kiss.
He pulls out slowly, whining at the loss, only to let out a loud moan as he slid back in, inch by inch until he was buried to the hilt. He repeated the action several more times until you grew frustrated with the pace. “Hee, please go harder”. At your plea, he snaps his hips forward, faster and harder, making you cry out in pure pleasure.
He grabbed your hips and thrust up into you, harder and faster, “y/n… come on baby cum for me”. You could feel yerself getting closer to cumming. You leaned back and ground your hips against him, rubbing your clit against his pelvis.
“hee i’m so close”. He reached up and squeezed your tits, pinching your nipples “so close, I can feel it”. You moaned, your pussy clenching around his dick. Felling you come undone around his cock, he couldn't hold back any longer. He grabbed your hips and pulled you down, cumming deep inside you. “f-fuck baby. so good”.
You pull yourself off his lap, collapsing next to him onto the couch, He joins you not a minute later, pulling you to him, your heard laying on his chest, hearing the quickened beats of his heart begin to settle down back into their normal rhythm. You lay there, panting and sweaty, for a few moments.
"I’ve been wanting to do that since I first saw you” He confessed. You couldn’t help but laugh at his honest revelation. “yeah well, at least i’m not the only one”, you tell him, a smile spreading across your face, as you look up at him.
He grinned down at you leaning in to press a soft kiss on your lips. "so…" he started as he pulled away, “I don’t want this to be a one time thing… but I also don’t want it to be casual”.
Your heart skipped a beat the moment you heard his confession. You’d fallen for him the moment you met, and the time you spent together did nothing to but increase those feelings. “well it’s a good thing I feel the same way then”, You smile, your big brown eyes bright, filled with promise as you kissed him again. The promise that you wanted him just as much as he wanted you.
Tumblr media
taglist: @chaeyunloveeee @llvrhee @yohanabanana @simplicitysbabe @woorcve @soapsters @hwhjsthetic @iisvlinaiii @jaehoonii @txnwvc @rbf-aceu @vhuteryh @shuawons @tanisha2060 @mheretoreadff @laurradoesloveu @bllueorchid @seungjiseyo @isa942572 @deobitifull @soobieboobiedoobiedaboobie @yjwluvs @penny44224 @yohanseyebrowmole @blockbusterhee @cha0thicpisces @soobnuuy @slut4hee @pprodsuga @ineedsomezzz
1K notes · View notes