#i've had to plug in my phone so many times in the past few weeks to get the internet to work

[rapha-reads]

My laptop likes to remind me to "go to bed, you unhinged bitch, it's almost 4am, why are you still up listening to the entire discography of Poets of The Fall when you have work at 10" by suddenly turning off the wifi without warning and shutting off my music, brutally taking me out of the perfect vibe I'd gotten into reading my gay little fics and blasting my emo music.

Gah. Guess I'll shut it off, put down the fics and go to bed, then. *rolls my eyes so hard they fall off my head*

[syn4k]

He sat in his chair in front of his newly minted desk with a slight stretch upwards, facing the shining planks and gentle orange glow of the rest of house. A well-worn pen lay on the surface of the desk, next to a new notebook and a small cordial of black ink. Out of a small leather pouch came a small box, inside which rested a nib, which was then screwed onto the pen in place of the old one.

After months of travel, Pixl figured he'd take the long way round with his journaling tonight.

He hadn't had much time to jot things down ever since he'd shown up here- between running from spiders, trying to cobble (hah) enough diamonds together to craft a pickaxe, running from spiders, and visiting the Nether to make some horribly time-consuming roof tiles, he'd been a bit busy. But new worlds were always lots of work, after all, and he'd thrown himself into the hustle and bustle of getting started so many times that the routine was more like supple leather: worn and familiar, the actions practiced and almost a dance.

Ah. There his mind went, wandering again as it often did when he wasn't able to access a pen or paper or (more commonly) a reliable power source to plug his laptop or phone into. Some worlds didn't even *have* electricity as Earth knew it- redstone was just a crude spark of magic dust to them, but he'd gotten lucky this time. At least he'd be able to actually contact people without resorting to magical means.

The pen hovered over the paper, words momentarily forgotten, and with a sigh Pix set it to the paper and starting writing.

"June 6th-

The long gap between this update and the last has an actual explanation this time: I've finally found the world that Fwhip sent the details of, after weeks of getting lost. Walking out of time and space is really weird. I got there in the end, though, hence the new journal and the first entry.

It seems the universe is not done with Pixl the archaeologist, not yet. I arrived- (fashionably) late as I often am) -not in my regular outfit, but something very close to what I'd worn in the second world of Empires. I've discovered that I can pull some rather strange and downright improbable things out of gravel, including lapis lazuli, carrots, and once an entire cake that I refuse to touch. Shelby says it tastes fine, with a faint aftertaste of dirt. I have not asked why she knows what dirt tastes like, nor will I because I do as well.

This world is populated with most of the people who were on Empires but with a couple new faces as well. I'm familiar with Scar, of course, but I've heard of Owen- a pilot who crash landed here and is on a quest to get an origin of his own beyond human. Sausage told me that, and also cheerfully informed me that he blew up the poor lad's camera. I'll have to figure out how to make a new one and also inform him when we inevitably cross paths that being human isn't quite a bad thing.

I myself have spent the past few days seperated from contact with the rest of the world, though, busy running around and gathering samples of literally every cool looking rock I could get my hands on and unfamiliar fauna, including Nether reeds- the lava equivalent of sugarcane- and proceeded to spend the next three days weaving it into roof tiles. No regrets.

I know I'll be here a while, so I've gone ahead and built myself a nice little house on a stony outcrop. It has four wings with things like tinkering tables, my desk, a loft with my bed, and of course, the front door, because I'm not interested in phasing through walls. Again. That was a difficult month and a half.

That's about everything, I suppose. I've been building for two days. I'm going to go to bed now and probably sleep in."

The journal snapped shut with a satisfying thock, glass dinged as the cap was screwed back onto the jar of ink, wood creaked as two feet climbed the ladder, and then the little house was silent for the rest of the night and well into the morning.

[xkittypunkerx]

SCREAM - A Beautiful Lie

Chapter Summary and Gang Members: Punk and his gang realize that AJ Lee has returned and begin to make their plans.

Gang Members

2009 Heel CM Punk

SOA Season 1 Jax Teller

James Keenan aka Corey Graves

The Shield Seth Rollins

Jimmy Jacobs

Chapter two

-April Mendez-

Within the next week or so, any stranger would think that we've been living here for years. We installed an amazing improved stereo system, flat screen TV, and a few other needed appliances and such. I guess you could say that our parents really love us.

I groggily opened my eyes to the smell of bacon and eggs flowing through the house. Kofi must be over here showing off his secret culinary skills. I stretched as I got out of bed, and made my way down to the kitchen. "Well look who finally decided to get up," Kaitlyn laughed as she swallowed a forkful of hash browns.

I rolled my eyes, "C'mon, I didn't sleep in that late!"

I noticed that both Kaitlyn and Kofi were staring at the oven clock and suppressing laughter, so I followed their stare and saw that I had slept in until 10 AM! I was supposed to be at an illustration intern meeting in exactly 30 minutes...

"Shit!" I cursed as I ran down the hall to my room and quickly changed into a black and grey pinstriped business suit, straightened my hair, and applied just a slight amount of makeup, enough to look like myself but not so "scary."

I rushed to the kitchen again, noting I only had 10 minutes left. Good thing that this event was on campus, otherwise I'd be mega screwed.

"Ok, I should be back around one, so you guys can go to lunch without me if you want. Um...don't forget to clean up. Peace out!" I yelled as I ran out the door to the truck.

If I wasn't in such a rush, I could've had just enough time to laugh at myself. Seriously, I just sounded like their mother! All humor aside, I pressed the pedal to the metal and pulled into the parking lot mere seconds before the meeting was about to begin.

When I walked in, it turned out that they were still distributing name tags. And much to my surprise, people were still stumbling in after me. Sometimes I honestly believe I worry way too much.

The meeting itself was a great success. I ended up meeting some pretty cool people, some of which I had common classes with this semester, got brochures for internships, and even received a couple of compliments on the drawings I've gathered thus far for my portfolio. Anyone near me could tell that I was excessively ecstatic as I practically skipped back to the truck. At this rate, tonight would definitely be a party night.

I drove home to find two very strange things: it smelled like shit and Kaitlyn had left a note. I plugged my nose in suspicious disgust as I crept into the bathroom to see if I could figure out the source of the massive stench.

I groaned as I looked at the chunk of nastiness resting at the bottom of the toilet. The water was raised unnaturally high, and something told me this thing was clogged. My suspicions were confirmed after four flushes, and no success. No matter how many times I tried to flush afterward, it didn't go up or down...now that's really gross. That note better explain what's going on here.

The note was written on the back of some receipt and resting on the corner of the counter.

It read:

AJ, I'm leaving to go look for a job. Kofi said he'll stay here a little longer, but he'll probably be gone before you get back home.

Love, Kait the Great

I rolled my eyes after reading her signature, but then realized that it must've been Kofi who was the one responsible for the clogged toilet, though it doesn't really seem like something he would do...

I groaned as I pulled the phone book out from under the kitchen desk and looked for a plumber. I dreaded the thought of some gross fat man coming here while I'm helpless and alone - talk about paranoia. Remember: keep the past where it belongs.

I forced myself to dial the number and sat on the couch waiting for him to arrive.

-Jax Teller-

"Is anyone else ready to go look for new prey? I need someone to fuck with," I asked in a bored tone as I skimmed through some text messages in my cell.

All of the guys agreed in their own way as we chugged our liquor besides, as if it were water. At this point in our world, liquor was almost necessary to keep the entertainment and creativity flowing.

As I lounged back in the leather recliner, a random memory suddenly entered my mind, causing some beer to slip past my lips as I began laughing. "What's so funny, man?" James asked, eyeing me strangely.

"Do you guys remember April Mendez, from like 3 or 4 years ago? Damn, I would just love to go hunt her down and finally finish off our first project," I suggested.

Punk had a thoughtful look on his face, as if he was reliving memories, before he finally ended up cheering for the idea. He should be the one to support the idea the most, considering the fact that AJ Lee was his girlfriend at the time.

"You know, that would probably be way better than any of the kills we've done lately. It would be challenging to find her, but damn would it be worth it."

Seth stood up and walked over to the computer nearby. He was always the pro when it came to stalking people. "Don't worry, I'm on it!" he announced with a confidence-filled grin.

He quickly typed April Mendez's name in some weird college database and you'd never believe it, but we found her. It would seem that AJ Lee must have forgotten all about us, because she was stupid enough to return to the neighborhood for her college education.

It's a shame she has no idea what she's in for. And I can promise you that she will greatly regret the day she ever decided to return to Chicago. We each exchanged pleased looks as we gathered around the kitchen table, shoving all the fast food wrappers and bloody utensils out of the way so we could plan properly.

The following morning, Punk, Seth, and I decided to go gather some dirt on AJ Lee, find out where she lives, and create a reason for us to return to her new home later tonight. AJ Lee attended a rather prestigious college located right in the heart of Chicago. It was a sprawling campus, with several residential locations.

Of course, since AJ was so much classier than the other freshman, she's living in the gated community of condos. Luckily, the community was along the edges of the campus, right near a thick forest

Seth drove the van off the main road and down the bumpy, grassy hill to the right. If our calculations were correct, then we should be close to her condo...number 233 A. Once we saw the black rod iron fence, we decided to jump it and try our luck.

"Hers is just a couple feet down the street," Punk noted as we walked slowly down the sidewalk.

I decided to go ahead of the other two slightly, just to get a sneak peak inside the house. As it turns out, it would seem we weren't alone. A girl and a guy were both sitting at the kitchen table, chatting. Looks like all we can do is sit and wait until these little inconveniences disappear.

"Hmm, maybe we could snag that chick as an encore or something?" Seth suggested, nodding toward the black and blond-haired girl.

"That could work...or we could just use them against AJ somehow. I don't really give a shit what we do with them, I just want this to be the best work we've ever done," Punk said.

I nodded, "Don't worry, man. We'll use all our tricks on this one!"

We waited in the bushes until we were sure that both people left the condo. Then, we picked the back door lock and made our way inside. Seth whistled and said, "Check out this place!"

I made my way further into the condo, walking down the short hallway until I ran into two closed doors. "Which one do you think is hers?"

Punk shrugged and kicked both doors open with just enough force to get the job done, yet keep the doors' hinges intact. One room was green and the other was black and white. "This one's definitely her room," he confirmed as he stepped into the green room. Oh that's right, green was her favorite color.

She had tons of band posters plastered across the walls, a HIM comforter on the bed, and framed pictures of her with those two other people along the shelves attached to her desk. Punk stared hard at the photos, his eyes holding a hint of resentment.

He shook his head and placed a hand over his heart and said with a tone of false pain, "She doesn't even have a picture of her and me together! I'm devastated." I humored him with a laugh as I scanned the rest of the room, memorizing every bit of it for our return tonight.

"Hey guys we don't know when the bitch is gonna be back so we better work fast," Seth pointed out, leaning casually against the white door frame.

I got up off her bed and found my way down to the basement to mess with the electric system. And just for a little bit of entertainment, Seth decided to run over to the bathroom and take a massive dump to give me a reason to return as a plumber before the real fun begins.

Before we left, Punk changed the locks around so that we had easy access to the condo tonight, regardless of whether or not little defenseless AJ thinks that the door is locked.

"How'd it go?" James asked, briefly glancing up from his Sports Illustrated magazine.

"It's perfect! We've got the whole house rigged for our benefit and Teller's is gonna head back over there in a couple hours just to fuck with her," Punk exclaimed, reaching into the fridge for an ice cold water bottle. "Also, she doesn't live alone. A girl and guy were there earlier today, so we have a couple toys to use on the side."

"The guy actually lives across the street, but the girl does in fact live with AJ. I think we should take her too for a little extra fun for the rest of us," Seth added, showing off his stalker skills once again.

"I agree with Seth. Do you think you two can keep this chick out of the house until we give you a call confirming AJ Lee's capture?" I asked James and Jimmy.

"Her name is Kaitlyn," Seth interjected.

James smirked, "Sounds hot. Besides, Teller, you know we're the best at stalking, distracting, and capturing!"

I assumed that AJ had to be back home by now, so I drove over to this plumbing place downtown that we had a special connection with. Clearly, we've pulled this particular maneuver before.

Before entering the building, I changed into the navy blue jumpsuit and pulled the hat down low over my forehead. I nodded curtly at the young guy working at the front of the counter.

"Tell... Teller, what are you doing here?" he asked, just barely above a whisper.

I stared at him intently, savoring the fear in his eyes. "Relax kid there's nothing to worry about. I'm actually doing the job this time. No bloodshed involved."

He knew all too well that in most cases I used this cover up to sneak inside homes and steal the beautiful women inside. Technically, I wasn't really lying. AJ would stay safe and sound while I fix her toilet. I wouldn't be using a disguise to take her away tonight.

Ten minutes after my arrival, the phone rang shrilly through the tiny building. "I've got this one," I said reaching excitedly for the phone, clearing my throat to sound professional. "Hello, J T Plumbing. What can I plumb for ya?"

"Um, yeah, my toilet won't flush and, well, someone...you know...emptied a little too much and it won't budge. Do you think you can come out here and fix it?" she asked timidly.

I smiled as the tone of disgust in her voice reached my ears. "Sure, thing darling, that's our job. Can ya give me an address please?"

She told me the address and even gave me the code to get past the gate. I told her I'd be there momentarily and hung up the phone. I loaded a few things into the van and headed back over to the campus.

I arrived at her place a few minutes later and had to silence a laugh as I rang the doorbell and waited to see her filthy little face. The hardest part of this whole thing would be pretending to be nice to her, but it would all be worth it in the end.

I formed a perfectly fake, business-like smile on my face once she opened the door. Her eyes widened momentarily and she hesitated to speak after first seeing me. I knew she didn't recognize me... probably assumed I'd be fat and creepy...even though I didn't think all men of this profession were like that.

But then again, I'm not really a plumber.

In the next Chapter: The Gang Kidnaps AJ Lee

[harrysmimi]

A Baby!

Synopsis: Where Harry's wife have a big surprise for him.

More of my work

It was quater past eight at night in middle of November as Harry was being dragged out to drive around by his wife. It is a late night date; she said but is making him drive.

He was a little tired from shooting his music video all week, but he can't really say no to her, can he? Even if he wants to he can't, he knows he'd give in eventually and just do anything she is asking for so sweetly. She usually never let's him drive as his driving scares her to death it was weird.

She had made a gourmet meal for them, it was like at home date. He drove to the Starbucks knowing how much she loves hot chocolate, and there wouldn't be any other cafes she likes open this time.

"Put on some songs!" She demanded.

"Oh, I forgot my phone back home." He patted his sweat pants pockets. YN pulled out her own phone and pressed play on Taylor Swift's discography starting off with her single Style, earning a hard look from Harry before he started jamming with her.

"So it goes

He can't keep his wild eyes on the road, mm

Takes me home

The lights are off, he's taking off his coat, mm, yeah"

"Giving me ideas, huh?" He said making her laugh.

As much as YN hates to admit it, she is a pretty dope singer. She earned a smirk from Harry at the last the certain line to.

"I say, "I heard, oh

That you've been out and about with some other girl, some other girl"!"

"It's not true." He added as he finished singing that line, not wanting divorce papers sent to his house just after eight months of being married.

She sang signing him to sing the next lines, giggling.

"He says, "What you heard is true, but I

Can't stop thinkin' 'bout you and I""

"I said, "I've been there too a few times" "

She sang before both of them started singing the chorus like crazy people. Next came on was All Too Well the ten minutes version of it. It came to YN's favourite part, the second verse.

"Photo album on the counter, your cheeks were turning red

You used to be a little kid with glasses in a twin-sized bed

And your mother's telling stories 'bout you on the tee-ball team

You tell me 'bout your past, thinking your future was me

And you were tossing me the car keys, "fuck the patriarchy"

Key chain on the ground,"

Both of them yelled the last line loud. "Also, fuck you, Jake!" YN exclaimed making Harry laugh.

"we were always skipping town

And I was thinking on the drive down, any time now

He's gonna say it's love, you never called it what it was

'Til we were dead and gone and buried

Check the pulse and come back swearing it's the same

After three months in the grave

And then you wondered where it went to as I reached for you

But all I felt was shame and you held my lifeless frame."

Harry kept quiet just to hear her sing that, he loves to hear her sing. He'd always come home to hear her singing whilst doing her chores, she always have music playing around or have her earphones plugged it (not always, she is aware it's damaging to ears). He have many sneaky videos on her in his camera roll jamming to all the artists like Taylor, all the One Direction boys and some other except for him. She knows about the videos on his phone and can't do anything knowing he won't delete them.

Harry finally stopped at the Starbucks drive through, he chose the farthest outlet as they're on a long drive date. He ordered hot chocolate for both of them.

"Do you want to go back home now or should we stay out longer?" He enquired parking in the car park making sure to roll up the windows and lock the doors. It was very empty there just one other car which parked just on the very other side of the parking.

"We can stay a little bit longer here." She suggested.

Both of them sipped on their hot chocolate and snacked on the junk food YN got along with them, whilst watching an episode of the show both of them were watching together.

"It's almost ten-thirty now darling, do you not want to go back home?" He asked.

"Yeah, but I have something to tell you." She said.

"Yeah, what is it?" He placed his empty cup in the holder turning his full attention to her.

"Don't stare at me like that, I'm very nervous." She said.

"You're scaring me now baby, you don't have to be nervous around me. Do you want me to drive back home so we can talk if you're not comfortable here?" He suggested.

"No, I said we go out because I have something to tell you." She started, pulling out a little stick from the pouch of her hoodie, "I took this in after, and it came out positive with another one but I threw that away."

Harry half confusedly took the little plastic thing from her, and his heart just dropped to his stomach seeing Pregnant written on the little digital monitor thing. He legit froze for three seconds.

"Oh my god, baby why were you nervous about this? We were trying for a baby!" He looked at her with his jaw dropped. Both of them were to have a baby and make a family of their own, it's been three years of them being together. Harry felt ready to take up that responsibility for the rest of his life and so was YN and it worked out for both of them.

"Don't be mad okay, promise you won't be mad?" She rushed.

"It depends..." he shrugged.

"I kinda sorta might have passed out at the office today..." she chose her words carefully, "I had a lot of work to do I'm fine though." She added on quickly.

"What the fu- how?" He was definitely a tiny bit mad. He can list out a shit load of things which might have caused her passing out like that. At the office! Yes her job as the secretary of the company is fucking tiring, she should take of herself.

"Stress." She took a deep breath before starting, "we have a new project coming up and we're running low on staff so I have to like do the extra bits but the manager called the doctor immediately and I had to tell the doctor about this before she gave me any medications just to be sure I took the test she gave me and it came out positive luckily ny boss let me go home early because I couldn't take any medication thats I was sleeping on the sofa when you came home." She finished her rant in one breath exhaling a sigh of relief that she got it all out.

"Oh my god, I don't want to stress now!" He exclaimed, "breathe, breathe." He told her doing the breathing exercise with her.

"You good now?" He enquired and she nodded in answer.

"Don't be mad, I know I wasn't eating properly, or drinking enough water, I might have also forgotten to take those prenatals." She explained.

"Hey, it's okay." He followed her gaze at her hands on her lap fiddling with the popsocket on her phone, trying to just drown down her nerves, he grabbed her hand gently along with her attention on him.

"I know work can get very stressful, honestly it sucks, we don't have control over it some times. Am I mad? A tiny bit yeah, you really can't look after yourself no wonder why your parents never let you move until eight months ago." He started his pep talk, "just shows that I need to check up on you a little more than I already do. And I have told you you can talk to me about everything and anything you don't have to be scared or nervous. I'm your husband not a vampire."

She chuckled at the last sentence of his talk, "I know, I love you so much!"

"I love you so much, too!" He cooed bring her hand up to his lips pressing kisses on her knuckles affectionately. "Looks like you have something more to day, don't you?"

She nodded, "I know we've been trying to you know put a baby inside me. But I just can't help but think, that I can't even look at myself. I fucking passed out in my office. I don't think I'll be able to responsibly look after another human who is going to be dependent on me for next two or decades of their life. I don't think I'll be a good mum."

"Don't talk yourself down like that," he warned her, "I know it's a very huge commitment, but you're going to be an amazing mother to our kid- or kids if we decide to have another on in future-, you check up on me like my mum does and that should explain everything it self, you know? Don't say that you're not going to be a good mum, okay?" She was crying by the time he finished talking.

"And if you still want to go through this we can, if not, then we don't have to. I just want you to happy and healthy. We have ten kids in future when you feel ready." He added on quickly, "like a football teams, or add another one to make a cricket team."

"I'm talking about not being able to look after one kid and you're talking about having ten of them!" She whined but crying at giggling at the same time. "But yeah, I want to have this baby."

"Are you sure, you need more time to think about it?" He asked.

"Mhmm I'm sure." She assured him.

Harry leaned back on his head resting his head on the head rest bit, letting the news process in his head now. He glanced at the test in his hand once.

He was going to have a part of him and his lovie soon, he was going to be a father!

"Awh! Harry!" YN cooed seeing tears in his eyes.

"We're going to be parents now," he told her as if she doesn't know.

"We are!" She nodded.

"Our baby's in there!" He cooed keeping his hand on her lower tummy, YN did not expected him to go soft all of a sudden like this but it was cutest thing ever. "Is there a bump already?"

"No that's my tummy!" She chuckled.

"Pretty tummy!" He leaned over the centre console, with a hand on the back of her neck he pulled her in for a kiss.

"Don't cry you're going to make me cry, I already cried this morning!" She whined seeing him cry his happy tears was the most adorable thing but it made her emotional too.

"Can we keep this to ourselves for a little bit, please?" He asked already working out the maths in his head, he do not want this word to go out like his wedding.

"Can we at least tell your and my parents? Just so you know in case if we need help, like we haven't had a baby before." She suggested.

"Okay just our parents." He agreed because it made sense to have the elders know when they've never had a child before. "Do you think she or he- I mean they can hear now?"

"I'm not even twelve weeks in, so no. It's just a size of a chia seed, or maybe smaller, I don't know." YN explained, watching him rub her still normal tummy.

"How do you know that?" He was surprised.

"I was twelve when my parents had my younger sibling, no one was there to baby sit me so they took me to the first ultrasound appointment with them, I heard the doctor saying that." YN shared the little memory, "but they have a heart beat by now."

"You know so much without even reading anything, that's not fair!" He huffed, he's been reading books and articles and blogs and what about pregnancies and parenting and fatherhood, like a maniac; he'd describe.

"General knowledge Harry." She chuckled seeing his puffy face.

"Let's go home I want to you!" He put his seat belt on quickly and started pulling out of the car park already.

"You can still hug me."

"No, I want to hug you properly, this centre console is being a thrid wheel right now." He explained.

"Okay, drive slow and carefully." She warned him.

"I am an amazing driver darling, what are you talking about?" He scoffed.

"Yeah, that's why you drove over the curb yesterday when you were picking me up." She reminded him.

"That was one time!"

"I have more one time reminders for ya." She said.

"No that's enough," he smiled sheepishly and safely drove both of them back to their home, parked in the garage. "Wait, wait..." He ran to her side and opened the door for her, helped her out.

"I swear to god if you annoy me giving me special treatment because-" she was interrupted by him smearing his lips over, whilst shutting the door of his car. His arms snaked around her waist.

"We're having a baby!" He said in a sing-sang voice doing his little dancy dance making his wife laugh.

"Yes, we are!" She nodded.

"I love you so fucking much," he hugged her again. "I want to scream but I can't, I don't want our neighbours to be pissed. But, I can still thank you for carrying our baby and letting them borrow your womb!"

"Awh Harry! I love you too, don't have to thank me, wouldn't have happened without you." She hugged him back.

"I take credit for that." He bragged.

"Let's go in, it's cold in our garage!" She whined.

....................................................................

It was a couple of days later, it was conveniently Saturday. YN and Harry went for the first ultrasound sound just on Friday, to double check and she indeed in pregnant. YN had called her mum and dad and have told them about the new and have asked to keep to themselves for until she tells them. She felt bad because they lived a different country. Almost on the other side of the world.

But they're having Gemma and Anne over for now for dinner.

Harry was still freaking out, but in a good way, like he was floating in happiness of having a baby of his own soon. He'd help YN like he usually does but he even did some of her chores. He was freaking out how he is going to tell his mum and sister.

"Harry it's your mum why are you freaking out?" YN enquired trying to fix up the appearance of the living room, he was rolling on the sofa like a toddler throwing a tantrum. YN didn't wanted her mother in law to think she can't take of her own house.

"Exactly! She is mum! I can't-" his hands covered his face as he layed down on his side.

"What is up with you?" It was Gemma.

"We're having a baby!" He cried dramatically, "wait... What? Gemma?"

"Your door was wife open." Anne said, "so we just came in."

"A Baby!" Gemma exclaimed, "are you being serious right now?"

"Yes he is, and a little dramatic." YN nodded.

"Oh my god! I can't believe this, congratulations!" Gemma went in straight to hug YN.

"My baby is having a baby!" Anne cooed, "congratulations both of you!"

"Thank you Mummy Anne!" YN smiled giving her a hug as well.

Harry was gone back to being his normal self. YN got the little ultrasound pictures to show to Anne and Gemma.

"I am going to be Aunty!" Gemma was crying looking at the grainy pictures.

"You're going to be best Aunty!" Harry said sweetly draping his arm around his sister's shoulder.

"I know!" Gemma nodded still crying.

"Can't wait to meet my grandchild now!" Anne was very smiley, just like Harry's been since last night.

YN really saw Harry looked exactly like his Mummy when smiling. One thing she hopes is her baby have their smile, both of them look like absolutely sunshines whilst smiling.

[niemernuet]

Podcasts and Other Favours

@wunderlichkind pointed me in the direction of Loïc's podcast. I knew it existed but I've just never listened to it bc I'm just not that podcast-y. I like reading better; I can choose my own tempo, and skip or re-read stuff the way I want. Tbh Loïc's podcast did nothing to change my opinion about that format but there are some funny things to learn about him and the rest of the gs-team. The funniest moment though comes thanks to Tanguy, who manages to drag the entire dh-team with one sentence, and I just had to write a little one-shot about it.

It was rare that so many of them ended up in the same place at the same time but the pandemic had locked them all inside Switzerland, and thus they all had to share the few slopes on the glaciers that allowed for training during the off-season. Corinne had to admit that it was not bad, overall. Sure, the slopes were mostly too short to really practice downhill but then again most of the rest of her competitors could not practice on snow at all. So. Also, it was fun to hang with the other teams. Or, at least it used to be. Corinne's anticipation of the coming week wavered though when she returned to Zermatt on Monday, and found the slalom team bent over their phones, earbuds plugged in, with varying expressions of suffering and pain. All of them but Mélanie.

"Good, you're here," she said, and waved to Corinne and the rest of the downhill-team, "I need your phones."

Lara of course immediately started sputtering with indignation. "Beg your pardon?"

Swiss Ski had denied her private team a separate slope to practice, and she had not been beating around the bush with her opinion about having to share the snow with the rubes. Normally, Corinne would have welcomed any occasion to annoy her further but Michelle, Wendy, and the others seemed to be in serious distress, so that had to wait.

"What is going on?" she asked, and plopped down onto the bench next to Andrea. The sun was shining onto the terrace of the hotel, a soft wind was cooling down the heat, and they would not have any physical training today. There was no reason for them to look like that.

"Meli needs a favour from us," Michelle explained from a deck chair, and her tone revealed that it would cost Mélanie many coffees and chocolate bars to make up for that favour.

Corinne, Priska, Joana and Jasmina looked at Melanie expectantly. Lara was still glaring at her.

Mélanie sighed, and visibly braced herself. "Loïc has a new project."

The impact was as expected.

"Oh God!" Priska groaned.

"Again?" Joana shrieked. "Where does he find the time?"

"Is it another Instagram-account?" Jasmina asked. "I'll follow it but I can't guarantee that I will like every post. Sometimes I don't see them, and I can't go looking for them every damn time. Also if I like too many posts it messes up the algorithm and I start to get these weird suggestions."

"If it's on Instagram I can't help you," Lara declared smugly. "Or any social media, for that matter."

"It's not on Instagram," Melanie snapped before catching herself. "Well, it is, but the Instagram-account is not the main thing…"

Corinne leant over Andrea's shoulder and peeked at her phone. She was just as excited as the rest of them but she would do anything for Mélanie. Nobody could refuse her sweet personality.

She frowned when she read the text on the small screen. "A podcast?!"

Okay, maybe she would be able to refuse Mélanie after all.

Mélanie gave them a sheepish smile. She picked up her phone, and typed something. A few seconds later, Corinne felt her phone vibrate.

"It's called 'Behind an Alpine Skier', and he's interviewing, well, Alpine skiers," Mélanie explained.

"Ground-breaking," Lara muttered, though she dug through her bag, and opened her phone.

Mélanie ignored her. "He's been a bit disappointed about the feedback, so my parents and I have been playing the episodes on our phones for the past few days. But apparently he can see that the hits are always coming from the same devices, and he's starting to get suspicious. That's where you come in. Could you please play the episodes on your phone? You don't even have to listen to them, I just need the hits."

Joana snorted. "Yeah, right! And next thing I know I'm being interrogated about my favourite parts, like the time I left a comment on his photography-blog." Mélanie's smile turned even more sheepish.

"I like to listen to podcasts from time to time," Corinne admitted. She had caught herself, and was ready to take the plunge for Meli. "I'm looking forward to listening to it."

Wendy's cackling did not bode well. "Don't get ahead of yourself. You don't know everything."

Before Corinne could ask, Michelle helpfully informed them: "It's in English."

Corinne winced.

"And his first guest is Odi," Wendy added.

"Dear Lord," Priska whispered, and Corinne agreed.

"Are you sure it's a genuine project?" Lara asked. "Sounds to me like he's trolling."

"He is not!" Mélanie hissed, and Lara raised her hands in defence. "And don't you dare say anything to him!"

"All right," Lara muttered. "Sheesh."

"Thank you so much," Mélanie said to them, smiling again. "I owe you big. I'll…wait…" She whirled around. A group of bikers turned into the street, and approached the hotel at a leisurely pace. The broad wheels and the sturdy frames of the bikes were spattered with dirt, and the men were joking and laughing. Beat rode at the front, followed by the rest of the downhill-team. Mélanie jumped up from her chair, and ran across the lawn in front of the hotel.

"Hey, you guys!" she yelled. "Hey! I have to ask you something!"

They watched from the comfort of their deck chairs and benches how Mélanie delved into another explanation while the men on the bikes listened intently.

"The good thing is that we will have so much more stuff to mock them about," Michelle began eventually. "The bad thing is that it's a real slog to find."

"In the episode with Gino they talk about drug tests," Andrea piped up. "I never knew I'd one day listen to a podcast about pee but here I am." Corinne patted her arm, and Andrea sighed.

"How many episodes are there?" Priska asked, staring intently at her phone. "Wait, I found it. Odi, Gino…and Tanguy. So, three."

"Three so far," Wendy said. "Scroll down, he's promising more."

"Damn it."

---

Two things Corinne required in the morning: peace and quiet. Thus when Luca suddenly appeared at their table in the breakfast room before she had even had a chance to sip on her coffee, she was not amused.

"What?" she snarled, and Luca flinched away from her furious glance, almost spilling some of the orange juice he carried . He took a cautionary step away from her before he turned to Mélanie.

"Did you send the downhill-team a link to Loïc's podcast?"

Mélanie frowned. "Yes. Why?"

"What? Aren't we allowed to listen to it?" Priska asked.

"Not you," Luca said, and rolled his eyes. "The other downhill-team."

"Of course," Lara said. "He was talking about the real downhill-team, not about us."

Luca gulped as all eyes at the table turned towards him. "I did not say that!" he hissed. "Stop twisting my words!"

They glared at him for a little while longer before Joana broke down giggling.

"I hate you," Luca muttered.

"You were saying?" Wendy asked with her sweetest smile, and stole a piece of cold cut from Luca's plate.

Luca took another step back, and glared at her. "Niels listened to Loïc's podcast."

"That's nice of him," Mélanie said.

"And he told the rest of the team what Tanguy said about them."

Corinne frowned, just like the rest of the table, and she wrecked her brain as she tried to remember what Tanguy had said about downhill. Luca looked at them expectantly.

"The thing with the Nutella?" he added.

Oh, that. Corinne nodded, and took a bite out of her bread.

Mélanie shrugged. "And?"

"And?" Luca exclaimed. "Do you want to start a war? We'll never hear the end of it."

He did not explain further as the downhill-team walked into the room.

"Anyway, thanks for nothing," Luca spat, and joined his teammates at their table.

They all watched expectantly what would happen, the ones with their back to the buffet turning around in their chairs.

"Do you think they're going to…?" Priska asked but did not finish.

Michelle shrugged. "Could be. They're very sensitive."

Tanguy was cutting a piece of bread, deeply lost in his thoughts, and it took a moment for him to realise that he had the attention of every woman in the room. He smiled uncertainly, and gave them a little wave, not realising that Beat and Niels were approaching from behind.

"Wha…hey!" he exclaimed when Beat slapped him hard on the shoulder, and picked up his plate.

Beat hissed disapprovingly, and shook his head. "I don't think I can let you have that," he declared, and pointed at a piece of cheese. "Do you see that?"

He turned to Nies, who eyed the plate just as gravely. "Impossible. We have to save Tanguy."

"What are you doing?" Tanguy asked, and tried to snatch his plate back from Beat. On the other side of the table, Ramon stared at the scene with wide eyes. Luca, however, calmly buttered his bread.

"This cheese has too much fat for a dainty slalom-racer like you," Beat explained, and held the plate high above Tanguy's head. "If you eat that, you won't be able to fit through the gates."

Tanguy gave a groan. "Is this about the podcast?" he asked. "I said sorry."

"We're just trying to help," Niels said, and ate the cheese. "You're welcome," he added with his mouth full.

Corinne laughed together with the others as Tanguy chased Beat and Niels for his breakfast.

"What are they doing?" Loïc asked, both hands full, and stopped on his way to the table where Odi and Justin were already waiting.

"They heard that Tanguy called them fat," Mélanie explained. "On your podcast."

"It's not funny anymore!" Tanguy exclaimed from the other side of the room, and lunged at Niels.

"Really? My podcast?" Loïc beamed with joy. "They listened to it?"

"Of course," Michelle said. "What, you think they wouldn't want to?"

Loïc shrugged. "To be honest, I started to think so. At first it was a bit disappointing. But this week the number of listeners really exploded. I think it's finally getting some traction."

"Rightfully so," Wendy said. "It's really…great."

Priska spluttered into her cup but Loïc was too happy to pay her any attention.

"Thank you," he said, and smiled at them. "You know, I've only interviewed one woman so far. Maybe one of you would be up for an interview once?"

Corinne showed him her shiniest smile, and gave Loïc a thumbs up. Under the table, something heavy kicked her in the shin. "Sure!" she said. "Just…whenever."

"Of course," Lara added, hiding her mouth behind a napkin.

"Great!" Loïc laughed. "I'll get back to you! See you later." With that, still overcome with happiness, he floated back to his table.

Once he was gone, Mélanie distributed some more kicks under the table, one of them aimed at Corinne.

"Ouch! What was that for?"

"For laughing at my brother!" Mélanie hissed.

"I wasn't laughing at him," Corinne said. "At least…not much."

[serenityseventeen]

Love & Letter: To The Thirteen Boys I've Loved Before

The Third Letter

-----------------

To: Hong Jisoo/Joshua

From: Y/N

To Joshua,

this is a letter for you, confessing my true feelings because I can't do it in person and I never will.

I also want to apologize for overhearing what you said a few hours ago. I don't know if it was sincere or if you just wanted to make an excuse and hide your feelings. Don't worry, I'm not thinking that you did the second one. I believe that you truly don't like me back the way I like you. I truly believe that you told your friend that with full sincerity. You denied it when he asked, “Do you like Y/N?” because you don't like me in that way.

Honestly, when I heard that from my bedroom window, I was heartbroken. Of course, that's because I just found out the guy I was beginning to fall in love with didn't like me the same way. I didn't cry, just sat in the corner of my bed, in the dark, listening to sad songs.

“Do you like Y/N?”

You chuckled and I can picture you covering your mouth habitually.

“Y/N? Why do you ask?”

“I'm just curious.”

“Well, you two hang out a lot lately.”

“No, I don't like Y/N like that.”

The conversation is still fresh in my mind.

Joshua, hope that we can still be friends. I hope that we can still be neighbors. I know that you're a good person inside and out, Joshua. If I can't love you in the way I do, I won't love you at all. I don't want to ruin the neighbor-friend relationship we have even if I want more than that. You're a great guy and I mean that.

I still have the shirt you gave me but I've stuffed it behind my closet so that I won't have any traces of you. I want to stop my feelings for you as quickly as possible because I know, I would still have to face you, talk with you, and see you. If I can't tuck away these feelings, I'll fall deep. I just want someone to come into my life and take me away from you. That's how much I liked you, Joshua.

I want to ask you, am I being too obvious with my feelings? Are my insecurities showing to you? When you see me, can you tell that my heart is jumping because of you? Joshua, I think you're aware of how I feel but you're just not accepting it because you don't want to hurt me, am I right?

That shirt that you gave me, I can't just return it to you out of the blue, it's probably too strange, right? If I did, you would realize that something was up with me. I can't let that happen now so I'm writing you this letter.

I think about the day we both had our first interaction a lot. It was the week after your family moved into the house next to mine. You were watering the flowers in the front yard and got distracted by a bird. I remember, as I was walking by your house to my bus stop at the corner of the block, I caught a glance of you waving to a common brown bird.

Thinking about this meeting made me laugh. I didn't know I would meet a person in this kind of way but apparently, I met you like this. Just one second after I turned on my music and plugged my left ear, water just splashed on me! For some reason, I wasn't angry, I was just flustered and a bit amused.

I froze in the middle of the sidewalk and when I turned to you, I guess I looked intimidating? You bowed so many times and kept on repeating your apology.

Of course, you didn't know that you looked so cute while bowing and apologizing.

I guess you told your mom about it while expressing how sorry you were. When I came back home from school, your mother confronted me to give me some food. I don't know if you knew about this but she told me that she was sorry for you getting me wet this morning.

The next day, you came up to me with the shirt, continuing to apologize. I think that sparked our friendship. Soon, we were inviting each other over for a barbeque. Your family and my family were both small so I guess it felt like we were just one big family having dinner, cooking outdoors. It makes me feel guilty for thinking of you like that but was I able to help it? No, not really.

Gosh... Am I writing too much? It's not like we did much together. We talked a lot. You talked with me a lot. You also helped me whenever I was having a hard time with schoolwork. At first, you seemed like a mature and gentleman type of guy but the closer we grew made me realize that you're a bit playful too. That's a quality of yours, Joshua. To me, it seemed like our personalities fit perfectly.

Of course, you don't see it that way though. I was probably just a friend that helped you get used to the area. I think I was able to tell you just about everything because you were so trustworthy. You were just a friend I was desperate to keep but that desperation led me to grow feelings for you. In time, I'll get used to it.

There were times aside from when we talk that made me fall for you. To you, I'm probably nothing more than a sibling-like neighbor. Do you treat me like a sibling because we both have none?

Sometimes, you would fix my hair for me, tucking a strand behind my ear. Sometimes you would pat my shoulder and compliment me, saying that I looked good. You always remind me to be careful. You always remember things about me that I don't.

Sometimes you would joke around, saying I had something behind my ear, or in my hair, and then you'd give me a flower. I noticed your love for grass because of that.

Why are you such a warm, gentle, and kind guy? You've only fed me sweet moments.

Even your warm smile is always stuck in my mind. Do you know how much comfort I receive from your smile? Whenever I look into your twinkling eyes, I always feel my heart skip a beat. The sun seems to always be on your side, making you glow.

Do you know that whenever you're focused on creating bracelets and stuff, you look handsome? I don't want to sound like a fangirl, but I think you look attractive when you're focused. Plus, you create each bracelet with so much care and sincerity that it makes me wonder when I'll get one. They are all so pretty.

I also want to ask this.

Gizzy. Who is she to you?

I first met her when I was going to your house to return a cup that your mother gave me. Gizzy was standing there with her twin brother and she asked me who I was. At that moment, I knew what kind of person she was. You seem to be friends with her twin but she always tags along to your house.

Joshua, I don't know if you can tell, but she's not right for you. I know that you know she likes you, but please, whatever it is, don't date her. If you do fall for a girl like her, I'll be questioning myself all year long.

I'm deciding not to love you anymore but I'm not writing this piece of advice out of jealousy. You two are truly a bad match. I don't want her to change you. Once she does get you, she's going to make you distance yourself from me. I can tell. She doesn't like me and I don't like her either.

I'm sure you know yourself better, Joshua.

That's just a piece of advice that I'm scared to say to you. Maybe one day I'll tell you to not date her. For now, I'm going to stay silent and act as if I don't have any opinions. I don't want to distance us and since you're my neighbor, I especially don't want to make you angry.

I also noticed that you don't get angry easily, which makes me think that you're scary when you're angry. You seem so angelic that I can follow you to the deepest ends of the world, giving you my whole trust. Even if you do get extremely angry at me one day, enough to yell at me, I will still trust you fully. I can trust you with my hand when on the edge of a cliff.

You did get slightly angry at me a few times and whenever I think of those moments, my heart still beats nervously.

I remember once when you were extra sensitive and I accidentally provoked you by continuously asking how you were feeling and you sort of snapped at me. I don't blame you though because that day, I must have been annoying, worrying about you too much and getting too much into your business. The feeling... It was a bit shocking.

After that, you could tell by my expression that I was shocked and you apologized, saying you didn't feel well. I apologized too but whenever I thought of that time, I would feel my heart grow heavy, even though you had patted my head that day.

Joshua, I hope that you can find someone good for you. It won't be me or Gizzy. Find someone that you truly love.

I hope we can still be friends because you're a really great, amazing person. I hope that we can still be friends, neighbors, continue having our barbeques and family gatherings. I'm determined to fall out of love with you so that I can see you as a brother-like neighbor. I want to have that kind of close relationship.

Let's be good friends and neighbors.

You won't even know I ever liked you.

I hope you'll just think that way.

Your friend and neighbor,

Y/N.

-----------------

© serenityseventeen

6/19/21 - 5:48 pm

a/n: A few days ago, I powered off my phone since the keyboard was laggy (it does that whenever I copy and paste too much) and it had to go through a factory data reset, which meant I lost all my data since I don't use an SD card... I had to redownload everything, including apps, music, etc. THANK GOD I moved all my writing to my Google drive. Sigh, I wanted to write but I had to redo everything and I lost all of my plot ideas for my requests...

[itsthestutterforme]

Coma (Aaron Hotchner)

Y/N falls into a coma after getting hit by a car that ran a red light. The team fears that she might never wake up.

--

Y/N and Hotch have been past lovers but they managed to find a common ground to keep a professional relationship at work. But when Haley died, the first person Aaron turned to was Y/N. He spent countless nights over her house and he didn't have to ask her to hold him. That became first instinct.

Their relationship remained platonic and professional, but they both knew that at the very least, they had each other. Two years have passed and Aaron has met Beth. He seems really happy and geninuely moving forward, but he didn't want to tell Y/N because he feels that she would feel betrayed in some way.

Rossi and Hotch talk about it on the way to the conference room. "I've seen Y/N care more about your wellbeing than her own. How is this any different?" Rossi asks.

"What if she distances herself because she feels that I don't need her anymore?" Hotch asks. "Well do you.. need her?" "Of course," "Why?" "I--" "Good morning, Hotch." Y/N greets as she walks up to him and hands him a cup of coffee that she got for him.

"I saw this and thought of you. I tried it before but I have a feeling that you can make one better." Y/N adds as she hands Rossi a pannettone, an Italian pastry. She smiles at them before walking into the conference room.

Rossi and Hotch look at one another and Rossi says, "Now I see what you mean," "She's just so.." "Perfect for you. You two are on the same wave length." "I lost my chance, Rossi." "You don't know that," "Is everything okay guys?" Y/N asks as she peeks her head out of the conference room.

"Yeah, we're coming," ""Just think about it," Rossi says as he pats Hotch's back. Hotch sits next to Y/N and she repeats, "You sure you're okay?" "Yeah, I'm alright." Y/N doesn't believe it for a second, but she knows that he'll tell her in his own time.

This particular case was dangerous because it involved a schitzophrenic Navy Seal with severe PTSD from his time in the field. Y/N had seen the unsub kill a child and she was dead set on getting him. She knew she should have waited for back up but she wanted to catch him before he kills someone else.

"I'm in pursuit of the unsub," I say over coms. "No, Y/N. You stay and wait for back up." "He's getting away, Hotch. I'm not going to let him kill another kid." Y/N looks both ways before crossing the street.

She dashes across the street when minivan runs a red light and crashes right into Y/N. Her body crushes the windshield as she rolls over the top of the car. The impact of her head smacking against the concrete sends her unconscious. The worst part about it was that Hotch and Morgan stopped at the red light across from Y/N. They watched the whole thing and couldn't do anything about it.

They had to wait for the light to turn green before they rushed over to her. "Y/N!" Hotch says with tears threatening his eyes. He kneels down next to her and presses his fingers to her neck. Mor-" "They're already on the way here," "Y/N, can you hear me?" "She isn't moving," Hotch says to Morgan. "She's probably unconscious," "Damn it! I told her to wait. Why didn't she listen!"

"Hey, yelling at her won't wake her up, man." Morgan states. "That car was going at least 60 miles per hour. There's a chance she's--" "Stop, Hotch. They're on their way. Relax," "I can't relax because I love her!" "I'm sorry, I'm.." "At least you finally admitted it." "She'll wake up, Hotch." Morgan adds as he pats his shoulder.

**

The doctor comes out to a very distressed team. He sighs as he stuff his hands in his pockets. "No, no, please, not again." Garcia says with tears leaving her eyes. "She made it off the operating table but she's in a coma. There's no telling when or if she'll wake up." The doctor explains.

"Come on, man. Don't dismiss her like that. She's strong and she'll make it through this." Morgan defends. "I really hope so," "'Can we see her?" JJ asks. The doctors nods and motions to the room where she was. The team slowly walks in and Garcia falls into Morgan's chest as she sees how many bruises Y/N had littering her face and body.

"Oh God," JJ says as she claps a hand over her mouth. Emily offers JJ a shoulder to cry on.

The only thing they could hear was the high pitch beep of the intubator making sure she's breathing correctly. As well as the beeps of her heart rate. "I can't, I'm sorry." Garcia says as she leaves the room and Morgan follows her. Emily and JJ left the room soon after. "Can I.. have a minute with her?" Hotch asks Rossi. "Of course," Rossi says before closing the door on the way out.

Hotch sighs as he sits down next to her. "I should have told you about Beth. But for some reason, I thought that I was betraying you so I held off and now you." He trails off as tears prick his eyes. "What am I going to tell Jack ab- he loves you and I have no idea what I'm going to do without you." He rests his face into her stomach and cries into it.

Over the course of two months, Y/N was still in a coma and Jack would always ask to visit her whenever he was sad. There was something about Y/N that just calmed him down. Anyone that went around Y/N would feel calm and collected, that's just the vibe she gave. Hotch would always visit her whenever he needed to clear his head, which happened more times than not.

Hotch was feeling angry the entire day because one of the nurses gave him a pamphlet that talks about letting go and accepting loss. Y/N wasn't dead, she was in a coma. There a chance of her waking up. Hotch thinks to himself.

"Hey, are you okay?" Morgan asks Hotch, pulling him out of his thoughts. "The doctor thinks we should pull the plug," Hotch says, clenching his jaw.

"They have no right to say that. It's been two months, not two years. There's still a chance for her!" Morgan snaps. "I know, but I'm.. what if she doesn't wake up." "Don't you dare give up on her, Hotch." "Believe me, I haven't and it cost me Beth." "Hotch-" "The little free time I have, I spend visiting Y/N. And Jack has been asking about her since the accident. Beth feels like we're shutting her out,"

"Are you?" "Not intentionally. I was just so used to Y/N. I feel like I've taken her for granted and there's no way of her knowing. It's been eating at me for months." "Hey, studies have shown that coma patients can hear people when they're under," "I don't know what I'm going to do, Morgan." Hotch runs a hand over his face and Morgan was about to say something when Hotch's phone rings.

"Hotchner," Hotch answers and his face softens when he hears the nurse saying that Y/N has woken up. Hotch decides to keep that information between him and Morgan. He didn't want the rest of the team distracted like he was. Images of Y/N smiling and the sound of her laugh echoes through his mind. She's awake. She's finally awake.

**

Y/N's POV

My throat still stings from the intubator rubbing against my vocal cords. The doctor insisted that I drink a lot of fluids and the nurses helped reintroduce my muscles to the different movements. And now they- my calfs in particular- are screaming at me right now. I look at the TV in the top left corner.

There was some cheesy hallmark movie on but my mind drifts off to hearing Aaron's voice. Hearing him cry. Hearing everyone cry for me was worse than getting ran over by a car. The sound of the doctor's voice pulls me out of my thoughts. "She said she wanted to speak with Agent Hotchner privately," the doctor says.

Seconds later, Aaron appears in the door frame. "Hi," I cringe at both how raspy my voice is and how painful it was to talk. "Hi," he whispers. "How's Beth?" "We separated a few weeks ago," "I'm sorry to h-hear that," I trail off into a cough and reach for my water. He rushes over to my side and hands me the bottle. A rush of seratonin explodes in my brain as the cold water soothes my throat.

"You shouldn't be talking. It's too soon." he says. "But I have so much to say," "Me too, but we have time. The team is really eager to ta-" "I saw a light," I interrupt as I see him advance for the door. He stops in his tracks and I continue, "The light was bright and warm.. and it smelled of vanilla oil and honey. Everything drew me to it and I was so close to it that I could almost taste it."

"What drew you back?" "You did," I watch as Hotch plays his hands on his hips and drop his gaze to the ground. He was trying to hide his tears. "I heard everyone but you and Jack were the most clear." Hotch doesn't say anything but I hear a soft sob leave his lips. "Hotch?" He shakes his head and I slowly move my legs over the edge of the bed.

I inhale sharply as my feet makes contact with the ice cold floor. I take the rack with my IV catheter attached to it and walk over to him in small steps. He finally looks up to see me standing and his eyes widened. "What are you doing?" He takes me into his arms and I softly moan at the warm radiating off of his body. "I'm tired of waiting," I explain.

I wipe the tears from under his eyes and hold his face in my hands. "The fear of losing you makes the blood run cold in my veins. The doctor wanted me to pull the plug and-" I shush him and he whimpers. "I'm here now, Aaron." I rest my face into his collarbone and smell his alluring cologne. "I'm so sorry that I doubted you and took you for granted. I-I love you so much," he cries.

"Marry me," I say as tears escape my eyes. His eyes snap to mine and my breath leaves my lungs. "Like I said. I'm tired of waiting. If I learned anything it's that life is short and I don't want to waste any more time not being w-". He crashes his lips against mine and I finally feel the air restoring in my lungs.

My eyes flutter closed as our lips move against one another. His tongue dips into my mouth and I groan against his lips. His hands slide down to my lower back and I pull him closer by his beck. He pulls away from me but I find myself following his lips.

"Yes, I'll marry you." "You will?" "Of course,". He rests his forehead against mine and I lovingly rub my nose against his. "Did I just hear a proposal?" Rossi says as he walks in. "Proposal?!" Garcia yells. "Finally!" Emily says and everyone filled into the room.

Hotch positions me so his chest and pressing against my back. His arms wraps around my waist and would occasionally kiss my temple. Everyone all tried to talk to me all at once, something that I truly missed. I don't regret running away from the light at all. This is exactly where I'm supposed to be.

[xerospaced]

So i was curious as to whether a meltdown could be catatonic

As I feel, on an emotional level, that I am having a meltdown but rather than the crying/rocking/moaning/stimming/hyperventilating and what have you

I'm stuck

Like i managed to sit up to plug my phone in coz an hour or so ago coz it hit 1%

But otherwise I've been locked in this position for about 4 hours.

So anyway, I google catatonic meltdown to see if it's a thing

Lo and behold!

Not only is it a thing

But I've been having catatonic episodes for weeks IF NOT MONTHS

The lack of initiation, agitation, limited movement, limited speech, slowness (and I mean wow fucking slowness!! Im moving so slow I am losing literal HOURS without realising it)...

Ykno what

Lemme just post a screencap of the list of presentations

And... it is presentations in autism - I was searching meltdowns so makes sense

What I'm saying is that I have [and have had in various combinations over the past weeks/months] ALL OF THESE FUCKING SYMPTOMS

Even down to the grimacing ayfkm

And the only reason I even noticed the grimacing was coz i realised it was happening a few weeks ago but couldn't seem to stop it and I thought it was fucking odd.

Aggression and difficulty initiating actions CHECK AND FUCKING CHECK- it's getting our of hand.

Hesitations. Repetitive movements! My back is FUCKED coz i can't maintain a suitable seated position for longer than im stuxk thinking about it.

I legit feel like I'm losing my grip on reality. Like I'm not here.

Weirdly... scary to know this is it's own thing I'm experiencing. Daunting. But also - I've been dealing with this my whole life. No exaggeration. Sometimes I have months where I'm clear. But I would say I experience at least half of any one of these given symptoms at any given time.

That's....

Incredibly fucking upsetting if I'm honest.

I kept thinking that one day I would just figure it out.

I will be able to move when I want to. Eat when I should. Pull myself away from my interests when I wish. Not lost untold time getting stuck repeating the same motion with no end goal. Urinate when my bladder is full rather than the last second where my body is right about to override my fuggen brain! Work when I want to work!

But the aggression. These past days. I put it down to PMS - I'm sure it's played it's part. But last weeks. The consistent agitation. The inability to perform any necessary task. Falling behind on my work. The absolutely NOTHING mood. But agitation gnawing away consistently.

I feel like a powder keg.

I have no support.

I have no diagnosis [it's become impossible to believe that I'm wrong about my suspicions of ASD at this point].

I have no idea how to manage it.

And all the live long day it's "try this and try this and figure this out" and I just want to fucking scream because my brain is NOT WORKING!

What's the solution that fixes the line between I WANT to do something and me Actually doing it!?

I want to play sims but even something I actively enjoy I miss out on because I can not initiate action.

Yes, I find it easier to accomplish tasks when I am around people. BUT I AM ALONE 95% OF THE TIME. Soon to be something closer to 99.

SO.......!!??

And I feel guilty

I feel shitty

I'm underperforming!

I work quickly and to a high standard but I'm lagging because I can't start. Or I do start but I can't maintain course.

Im still stuck in the same twisted position as when I started typing this 20 mins ago and I'm sure it hurts but I cant even tell if it hurts anymore.

I can't remember what natural hunger feels like. I'm talking ravenous or nothing - mostly nothing.

And there's been so much going on lately.

And all I'm hearing is what I'm not doing.

What I need to improve.

Where I'm falling short.

Do more. Do More. DO MORE.

My moods are shifting too quick for me to log them. Not that it matters anyway coz I lack the ability to initiate that fucking task too.

There are so many things I want to do. And I know exactly how I want to be living. And I know (from the short few months in which I actually managed it) how good it feels to live the way I want.

But I can't make it happen.

I can't even decide if I should feed myself rn.

All this shit going on has not had me mentally stressed - at points, I'm not exactly big on stressing or worrying - but what has become undeniable is that it has fucked me on a functional basis.

I'm not steering the ship. And I don't know how to take control.

And I'm on a fucking 11 month waiting list for an autism assessment.

When I say life has been Hard.

The ADHD that was only diagnosed last year, the likely undiagnosed ASD, also diagnosed last year was the autoimmune connective tissue disease. Major depressive disorder. Multiple forms of anxiety. The misdiagnosed bpd. And then IF WE REALLY HAVE TO let's add on the self-harm, failed suicide attempt(s), ostracisation, emotional abuse, physical abuse, being literally left for dead, the plethora of hospitalizations as a child, childhood emotional neglect, abandonment, overlooked behavioural issues, teenage self-medicating, bullying, and fuggen MORE

I mean

Life

Is

Fuxking

HARD.

With a brain and a body that won't connect (and is also trying to destroy me for shits and giggles).

And I'm still wanting to keep going.

At this point... purely out of spite.

Because fuck this hand I've been dealt. But Fuck Me if I'm not a sharp son of a bitch! Ima play the fuck out of em.

Almost 27 years I've dragged myself through misery and I'm still in it.

I refuse to tap out now. I got no choice but to make it worth something. To make it matter. To make my existence mean more than a stupid fucking mistake the universe has been trying to erase.

I gotta be in this for Something.

This can't be all life has to give me.

Surely.

[nosleepuntilvacation]

Hi! I've got another Mettaton×reader request for you, if you don't mind. The setting is that Mettaton gets badly damaged, and of course his crush is worried sick. They insist on helping Alphys with the repairs, even if it's small things like handing her the right tool or something. The repairs take a week or two, and the crush just camps over at Alphys' lab the whole time. But anyway! The scenario I want you to actually write is when Mettaton is finally rebooted and wakes up. (cont.)

(cont.) So when Mettaton comes to, his crush is sitting next to whatever table/bed/thing he’s laying on. They go “Thank god!” and probably tear up a bit, smiling like a fool. Mettaton is like, touched that they’ve waited for him like that. When he asks about it, the crush gets all flustered. Mettaton ofc teases them, and as the conversation/banter goes on they accidentally mention at some point that they helped Alphys with the repairs… Que more flustering and eventually (cont. IM SORRY)

(cont.) eventually they end up telling him how much he means to them. In their nervousness, they get a bit rambly and end up confessing their romantic feelings to him. Then they hang their head and don’t look up again until Mettaton tells that he feels the same. Then they’re both awkward and happy and they smooch and stuff. // Sorry if this long, 3-ask explanation is unclear and sorry this is so dramatic. Thank you for considering this.             

…this has been sitting in my inbox for over a year hasn’t it

dishonor on me, dishonor on my miltank, etc. etc. etc.

But I guess it’s better late than never…?

Below the cut: A Storm Leads to a Rainbow

(TW: Discussions and descriptions of a car accident, and the emotional and physical injuries resulting from it; brief mention of alcohol)

Two synthetic eyes open, and their owner groans, clutching his forehead. “Ugh… what happened?”

He looks in his immediate line of sight. The space-printed sheets on the bed he currently occupies, the posters displaying different franchises he likes (his own included), the star-shaped stickers on the ceiling… yep, this is definitely his guest room in Alphys’ place.

“But why–?” He reaches down and touches his hip. Just as he suspected, his charging cable is plugged securely into there. He barely has enough time to register this before he hears a familiar voice.

“Mettaton? Thank god!”

He sits up and looks over towards the source of the voice…

…and he promptly sees you sitting in one of his pink beanbag chairs, smiling like a weight had just been lifted away. And was he seeing things, or were those tears in your eyes?

“[Y/N]? I wasn’t expecting to see you here, sweetheart.” He smirks a bit. “Have you appointed yourself the president of my fan club? I’ll have you know that you’re competing with me for that position.”

“Heh…” To you, the sound of his voice is exactly what you need right now. You pull out your phone and open your text message program. “Just gonna let Alphys know you’re awake. She’s off jogging with Papyrus.”

After a few chuckles at his own joke, his smile soon becomes more genuine. “Thank you for thinking of me, though.”

“Of course.” You put your phone away after sending a message, and your smile becomes a little more sad as you try to ward off the rock forming in your throat. “When I heard about what had happened to you, I was so worried, and I couldn’t just…” You take a few deep breaths to keep the dam from bursting.

At this point, he can’t help but frown. “If you don’t mind me asking… what did happen to me, anyway? The last thing I remember was Bryan and I driving home, and before I knew it, our car tipped sideways. My whole body was in pain, I heard Bryan calling Alphys… and then I blacked out.” His hand clenches the mattress. “Is Bryan okay, by the way?”

“Yes. He had to visit the ER, but he wasn’t hurt too badly, and they let him go home after a few days. Anyway…”

After swallowing your nerves, you begin to explain the full story.

A little over a week ago, you had been visiting Alphys and Undyne and watching a movie with them. At one point in the movie, Alphys received a panicked phone call from Bryan, an orange mammal monster who seemed to be Mettaton’s frenemy of sorts. The two had been driving together to their respective homes after a production at the local theater when a drunk driver veered into their lane and crashed into Bryan’s car. When Alphys headed out to help, the scene indeed looked grisly, with roadside assistance having to help put the car upright again - and it was clear that at least half of the car would need repairs. Paramedics were helping Bryan into an ambulance…

“…and when she brought you back, I almost couldn’t look.” You shudder. “You looked like something chewed you up and spit you back out again!”

With a sneer, Mettaton folds his arms. “Oh, come on. I don’t taste that bad! Ask anyone who’s ever had one of my world-famous face steaks!” He taps his chin in thought. “Although, maybe I shouldn’t have made them so expensive at first…”

You chuckle nervously; at the time, you definitely wouldn’t have laughed if someone had made that joke, but now that Mettaton’s awake, the whole thing feels a little easier to put in the past.

“Honestly, though…” His expression softens into concern. “…my body looked that bad when Alphys brought me in?” He holds his hands in front of his face and wiggles his fingers, before peeking under the blankets and presumably checking his feet in a similar way. Next, he grabs a handheld mirror from the nightstand and studies his face, brushing his hair out of one of his eyes.

“Yeah…” You wipe away a few tears forming near your eyes. “If Alphys and I hadn’t fixed you up right away…” A shudder takes over your spine; you’re still not entirely sure how all the intricacies of his body work, and this was one situation where experimenting was not an option.

For a moment, Mettaton is silent…

…only to give you an odd look.

“Wait a minute… you helped Alphys with the repairs?”

“Uh–! Well!” Oh god, does he already know what you think of him? “She did most of the big work! I was just there to help hold you still, or to get her the right tools, or to keep an eye on you to make sure you were still stable while she was out getting more supplies and stuff. Undyne helped, too, when she wasn’t at work. Alphys and I took turns watching over you the first couple of nights, while you were still in somewhat critical condition…”

Mettaton blinks. “You even stayed over?”

“Y-yeah… I haven’t actually been home since I heard about the crash.”

By now, you can feel the floodgates open, tears rolling down your face as you explain yourself.

“I wanted to help Alphys as much as I could… I was so scared. You could have died if we hadn’t done enough in time, and if I hadn’t helped and you ended up dying… I don’t know if I could ever forgive myself if that happened. Especially because you’re my friend, and, well…”

Despite the more reasonable side of your mind not feeling ready to say it, your emotions are in full force right now, and you just blurt it out before you can stop yourself.

“I don’t know when it started, but I really wanted to tell you I love you.”

And with that, you lower your head and finally allow yourself to let out some quiet sobs as the many emotions of the past several days swamp over you: relief from knowing that Mettaton is most likely okay now, fear and sadness from the fact that he probably wouldn’t have made it if Alphys hadn’t gotten there in time, and that hard-to-describe sensation of knowing that, in the heat of the moment, you just confessed your romantic feelings towards your longtime crush. Your body and mind are just frozen like a slow computer as you try to quell this maelstrom of emotions.

It gets to the point where you can barely register it as Mettaton whispers your name and gently takes hold of your hand.

“Shh… everything’s going to be okay, darling. It was horrifying, and I was scared, too… but I feel so much better now.” A smooth thumb strokes the top of your hand as he continues. “In fact… as of late, I’ve realized that I’m in love with you, too.”

“R-really…?” You finally look up; despite your likely looking like an emotional wreck right now, Mettaton doesn’t seem to judge you for it, instead smiling.

“Absolutely, sweetheart. I’ve wanted to tell you for a little while; you’ve been such a wonderful friend to me. And knowing that you would go this far to help save my life… honestly, I’d do the same for you.”

A cheerful laugh escapes your throat; you’re not sure what to say, but you still manage a “Thank you…”

“And thank you, beautiful.”

For a few moments, neither of you are sure of what else to say amidst the glow of relief and new love, but eventually, Mettaton has a thought.

“Darling, when all of this has blown over a little more… would you, perhaps, like to go on a date with me? I can show you a few of my favorite places in town, and you can show me your favorites, if you’d like.”

“Sure.” There are still a few tears, but they come from a much happier place now. It’ll probably take a little while for everyone’s fears to disappear completely, but what’s important is that everyone is safe right now, and a potential tragedy has been averted.

Before you know it, you wrap your arms around Mettaton in a big hug, which he soon returns in kind before leaning in close to your face. He stops himself and looks into your eyes as if asking for permission, and when you smile and nod, he presses his lips to yours. It’s not the smoothest of kisses, but most first kisses typically aren’t.

Either way, you’re definitely not complaining.

You’re so lost in the kiss that you don’t hear the sound of the front door opening and closing in the other room, nor do you hear the sound of footsteps. Shortly afterwards, though, a small eep does get your attention.

The two of you break off the kiss and look towards the doorway, where Alphys is standing, still in her jogging outfit, with wide eyes.

“Oh! Uh… am I interrupting something?”

As you wave hello to Alphys, Mettaton gently smiles. “Alphys, darling, I’m so glad to see you. And don’t worry; I think everything’s going to be just fine.”

Alphys returns the smile. “Yeah… I’m so glad you’re awake. I’ll probably want to keep an eye on you for the next day or two, though. Just to make sure I didn’t miss anything.”

“That’s all right. As long as I have everyone cheering for me, I can absolutely manage this!”

You gently squeeze his hand, and he smiles at you.

After a second or two, Alphys pulls out her phone. “So, uh, want to order some pizza or something? I can shower while we wait for it to get here.”

Mettaton rests a hand on his soul casing. “Darling, I haven’t eaten in days, so that sounds absolutely perfect right now.”

“That sounds good to me too,” you say with a nod.

“Great! Let me open the app…”

As you all begin to figure out what you want, you can already picture the delicious taste of the food in your mind. Not only that, you can also picture some of the exciting, lovely things in your and Mettaton’s future… a future that you helped to secure for him.

Sometimes, even a harsh rainstorm can leave behind a beautiful rainbow.

[queenchaos]

So...I did a thing....

Ahhhh I’ve been so bored during these times that I went back through old art n my many DED DeviantArt accounts. I found this old beauty from 2013-14.... and I decided to redraw my girl in the middle

It’s me and two old friends during our TMNT phase in middle school. Kelsi (Sophie), Ella (Me Emma), and Tara (Sara). We’d actually call each other by these names and have over text Role plays....

Wrote fanfics bout us n everythin! Here’s the only one that I help with:

Kelsi gave a tiny wave to Donatello as he left with his brothers for patrol. He turned around and looked at her with pleading eyes. He had tried to convince them he needed to hang back, but now that Tara was here they decided to let her take over on watch patrol there. He glanced between the Shellraiser and his friend.

"You sure you don't want me to-"

"Nope! I'm fine, Tara will be here, and if I run into problems I can call. Just go, I can handle myself!" Tara gave a sharp nod and motioned with her hands for him to move along.

"Go on Don, I've got her." He hesitated before slipping inside and driving off. There was a moment of silence between the two cousins, smiles beginning to form on their faces.

"Is he gone?" Kelsi stretched her neck in an attempt to get a closer look. Tara ran over and peeked out.

"Gone, the taillights just disappeared." She looked back with a grin. "Ready?"

"Ready!" She snatched her laptop from underneath her wheelchair and opened the lid, browsing through the list they had made an hour earlier, complete with links and information underneath each case.

It wasn't that they were hiding this from the turtles they just…they wanted to do this on their own. If any of them figured out what it was they were up to, they were toast. No doubt that they would immediately be banned from continuing their new pastime, and life would go back to its former dull throbbing. There were nine pages worth of things to look at, and they couldn't choose for the longest time.

"We might want to start with something easy." Tara sighed, leaning back and scanning her eyes over the list. "I don't know, like maybe a missing cat."

"That's way too easy."

"Not for you." She teased. "But yeah, I know. What are you thinking?"

"Maybe bump it up a notch and try missing person?" Kelsi scrolled the cursor over the link to the site.

"You do realize you're on that list right?" Tara smirked. "Lucky me, I found Kelsi, how much money do I get?"

"Shut up." Kelsi threw her head back and laughed. "Just shut up, that's not funny."

She turned back to the screen while her cousin gave a fake pout. "Seriously, they'll be back in a few hours we need to pick something." She opened a link up to a case involving a missing car. It was merely out of curiosity, she had a feeling their first job would end up being a cat after all. She skimmed over the article and blinked in confusion, mumbling to herself.

"What is it?"

"Just reading, according to this article the car disappeared last Sunday when some hijacker stole it, but according to the owner, the car never left his garage."

"Pshh, well it's gone now, it had to end up leaving at one point or another." Tara leaned in closer to read the tiny print. "Footage? The guy kept six cameras in his garage? Must be quite the car."

"Yeah, it is actually." Kelsi opened up the picture attached. A cherry red Corvette that shone like the sun came up on the screen, and Tara could only cringe and suck in air through her teeth.

"Ouch, talk about money down the toilet."

"If there's a reward of over 1,000 dollars then he's not too hurt over it."

"One thousand?! For a Corvette?! This guy's trying to pull off some bargain, nobody's going to look for a Corvette with only one thousand dollars to gain."

"Nobody…except us."

"No."

"Tara! Come on!" Kelsi whipped her head around and pleaded, whining and shaking the monitor. "One thousand dollars, we can get it if we try!"

"Absolutely not. Not for that much money."

"We could weasel more out of him when we're done." Kelsi gave a grin. She wanted this really bad, Tara could tell. Though she didn't blame her, she spent a lot of time down there after all. The smell was beginning to become the norm for Tara. That was new.

"You are evil." Tara laughed.

"Come on, are you in or are you out?"

Tara hesitated. She wanted the money out of it, she wanted the adventure out of it, and she wanted to completely defy all rules she had been given in the past week. And finding that Corvette with her cousin could give her all of it. Kelsi held out her hand and raised an eyebrow, giving another annoying whiny plea. Tara sighed and shook her hand, letting another smile spread across her face.

"I'm in, let's go get that car."

Tara had her head phones plugged into her phone, simultaneously FaceTiming Kelsi as she walked down the streets of New York. It smelled like gasoline and crap, but she had started the mission and she was fine with it. The boys were on the other side of town, nothing could bother her as of right now.

“Okay, the garage should be coming up on your left,” Kelsi said. She was peering at the directions on her laptop and looking up to check on her cousin every two minutes. “There’s an alarm planted on every angle of it though, watch it.”

“How am I going to get in then?” Tara replied, making eye contact with her cousin through the screen. The resolution was fuzzy still, but she could manage. “I can’t take down all of the alarms, there are probably hidden ones.”

“Yeah, there are.” Kelsi began squinting at the screen again. “But you might be able to take them all out if you could disable the mainframe on the top floor.”

“I don’t know how to disable the mainframe Kels’, I’m not that smart.” Tara approached the building and crossed the street, leaning up against the side of it and pretending to smoke with a fake cigarette she had made a few minutes earlier. “I wish you could take it out for me.”

“I can’t, I would have to be there in person, besides, I’m not even sure I could accomplish that, I’m not terribly good with computers outside of error code fixes.”

“Then what do I do? I’m lost as to what you want from me here.” Tara peeked down the sides of the alleys, hoping nobody was listening in on their conversation. The feed went static, then came back in.

“You need to climb up the fire escape on the tattoo parlor next door and hop across to the roof of the garage.”

“Hop across? As in, jump-in-mid-air-and-land-on-the-other-rooftop across?”

“Yes, that kind of across? Cool?”

Tara swallowed a lump in her throat and shrugged, stuffing her fake cigarette back into her pocket. She found the fire escape and swung up trying to make as little noise as possible. It was really dark outside, but a few people roamed the streets checking out street vendors. Her main fear was either falling from the building or getting caught. She couldn’t choose which one was worse.

“I’m at the top.” Tara’s hair blew off to the side and she looked back down at her phone. Kelsi had her eyes fixed on her cousin with a weak smile and twitchy hands. “I’m going to jump now.”

“Just pray you don’t end up like me.”

“Thanks for the encouragement.” Her heart pounded as she approached the edge of the building and scuffed her foot on the concrete ledge. It definitely wasn’t comfy below, but she had to jump now or the entire mission would end. Was this even worth it? Self-doubt was incredible.

Tara gripped her phone tight, took in a deep breath, and pushed off. The first few seconds were slow motion, she couldn’t even tell she was falling or flying through the air. She didn’t dare open her eyes, she shut them tight enough for them to split. Her legs flailed around uselessly. She landed on the other rooftop with a solid thumping, and all the air in her lungs whooshed out with a grunt. Concrete again, she had made the jump.

“Yes! Tara you made it!” Kelsi clapped and gave a cheer.

“I…I need a moment.” Tara’s body shook with fear and her limbs ached, but she was more than proud that she had made it. She was okay now, she could complete the mission. After thirty seconds she managed to stop shaking and stand up again.

“Okay Tara, see the entrance?”

“No, there’s an air vent and weeds up here.” Tara said. “And a few dead cockroaches, ew.”

“About that air vent…hehe…”

“NO! ABSOLUTELY NOT, NOT IN A MILLION YEARS KELSI!” Tara glared at her phone, her cousin rubbing the back of her neck and whistling awkwardly.

“That’s the only way into the mainframe com-“

“NO! I AM NOT SQUEEZING THROUGH SOME DUMB AIR VENT, THINK AGAIN CHAPMAN!” Tara shook her head furiously. No way in no universe was anyone, especially Kelsi, going to force her down a stuffy air vent where she couldn’t breathe, and where she would get her arms stuck a moment later.

“Tara, there is literally no other way to get in, I’m sorry.”

“Then the deal’s off, I am not climbing through an air vent.” Tara shook her head and pursed her lips. “Not today, not ever.”

“Tara!” The whiny voice had come back, Tara hated that voice. “Please, don’t you want that money?”

“Yeah, but it isn’t worth a trip down that death hole air vent.”

“Tara, I didn’t want it to come to this but…climb down that air vent or I will tell Raph.” Kelsi had a slightly amused face now.

“I don’t really care if you tell him.” Tara shrugged.

“We aren’t talking about the same thing Tara. I’m talking about this mission, here and now. He will kill you.”

There was a moment of silence where they just stared at each other making strange faces and giving glares. “Don will kill you too to be honest.”

“No he won’t. I didn’t leave the lair. He would kill you though for leaving me down here alone. Options Tara, tick, tock.” Kelsi seemed really amused now, she had the worst poker face known to mankind. Tara stared at her with a hard glare.

“What if I told Donnie that you did something illegal?”

“I didn’t do anything illegal. That argument is invalid.”

“You’re assisting my break-in into some rich guy’s car garage.” Tara gave a smirk and crossed her arms. “So much for ‘invalid’ sister.”

“Why are we even talking about this, get into the air vent and get those tapes!”

Tara really hated this. She really hated this. There was nothing else for her to do, she didn’t fancy the idea of jumping across the buildings and climbing back down the fire escape again. She didn’t fancy sitting there waiting for the cops or Raph to find her either. She could always try climbing down the side of the brick building though. “I’m climbing down the side of the building and coming back, let’s get a new mission.” Tara headed over to the side and stuck one leg over when-

“Tara you’re a coward! Get in that air vent or I’ll tell them all you were a wimp when I reveal our mission!” Kelsi shouted.

“THE THINGS I DO FOR YOU KELS’!” Tara swung her leg back over and punched the lid off the vent, sliding her body inside. Hot and stuffy. Delightful. She crawled further down and it got cooler though, before she knew it she was directly above the entrance to the mainframe security, and she dropped in as quiet as a mouse. “What now?”

“There should be a power switch on the wall, flip that down.”

Surely enough, there it was, a big red switch she took pleasure in killing. The lights flickered out, leaving Kelsi’s FaceTime as the only source of light. “Now turn it back on, the computer should have corrupted.” And corrupted it was, error messages flashing on the screens, security cameras twitching, and not a single alarm going off.

“Genius. You’re a genius Kels-“

There was a soft thump behind her and she whipped around to face another girl about her age with medium length dark hair. She wore a jean jacket and black leggings, and she brushed off her legs with a huff. Tara’s heart leaped and she took a staggering step back. The girl looked up with a crooked smile and shoved her out of the way, opening the door to the garage and slamming it behind her.

“Get back here you punk!” Tara stuffed her phone in her pocket and ran after her, trailing the ear buds on the ground and nearly tackling the stranger on the concrete if it weren’t for her quick dodge and arm lock. “Let go of me you idiot, I will kill you right now!”

“Yeah, sure.” Her voice was soft and delicate. “I’m guessing you’re looking for the tapes on that Corvette too? Well they’re mine, thanks for taking security out for me.” She dropped Tara and ran to the back wall, stumbled up and freed one of the cameras from its plastic holders. Tara was red in the face and ready to kill.

“What right do you have?!”

“Every right, the same rights you have.” She landed softly back on the ground and gave another grin. “But your nerd forgot to tell you that there was only one camera working that night. And that’s this one.” She pointed at the device and sighed. “Such a shame you missed out on that money. Well, I’ll catch you later!”

“NERD?! EXCUSE ME!” There was a muffled shout from Tara’s pocket that she ignored. She reached in and hung up the call. Kelsi couldn’t bother her right now.

She made a dash for the exit but Tara grabbed her by the arm and slammed her into the ground. “No thanks, I think I’ll catch you later!” She snatched the camera and sprinted out the door and down the stairs to the exit. Her feet practically flew across the cement, but the same girl flipped over her and landed in front of her, hand outstretched.

“It was mine first.”

“I don’t care.”

“Who do you think you are?” She crossed her arms and glared.

“Tara. Nice to meet you. Now if you’ll excuse me…” She ducked in-between her legs and kept running. “I have business to take care of!”

Tara hated this girl, she wanted to put a good nineteen feet between them and get back to the lair before any of the turtles came back. Patrol time was almost up. She could hear the footsteps behind her though, that idiot was going to follow her. She needed to lead her in the wrong direction.

She reached the bottom and skidded across the ground to the fire exit, but the girl yanked her hair, stole the camera, and pushed ahead again. Tara shouted and cursed, waving her fist and chasing after her, but the dark haired girl disappeared into the dark alleys across the street before Tara could catch her. A small piece of paper fluttered in the breeze, Tara figured it were just a shred of a magazine or newspaper. But instead it had handwritten words on it in silver sparkling pen ink. She snatched it from the wind’s grasp and fumbled picking her phone back up to redial Kels’. The note made her even angrier.

Have a wonderful day!

~Ella

Tara crumpled up the scrap and stomped on it, her breathing heavy again. She slipped back into the sewers and trudged through the raw sewage all the way back.

Ella was going to regret messing up her chance for the money.

She was going to regret it.

[thatlongspringnight]

I've Made a Mistake (Ch.3 )

Chapter Three is here! More Ieyasu, more MC and a promised mention of a certain professor with an interesting habit. ___________

The library was eerie quiet. MC grimaced as she stared down at the papers on the table, her mind seemed just as eerie quiet now when it needed to be learning chemistry.

Why was chemistry so hard?

She was good at biology.

Okay at math, well most math.

But chemistry? She might as well have been reading a foreign language.

Social sciences were so much easier than normal sciences.

She sighed, biting the tip of her pencil in thought.

If she could finish this question, that would get her an 85 on the homework. She could be a happy B student. B’s got degrees, right? Except would those B’s get her into a master’s program? Doctoral work?

Dammit

She had to finish all of her homework.

“Inuchiyo, what is the formula we are supposed to have for question eight? Do you have last thursday’s notes with you?”  MC waited a moment, met with silence. She glanced up from her school work to see him staring at his laptop, headphones on, definitely not doing the assignment that was due in less than twenty-four hours. “Inuchiyo!” she hissed, smacking his arm. He pulled out one earbud, an odd look on his face.

Was he flustered?

“What the hell, MC?” He barked, frowning at her. “Can’t you see I’m busy?”

“Busy doing what? Failing chemistry?” She gestured at the work on the table. “We came here to do our homework, Inuchiyo. Not to waste our lives on the internet. I could have done that at home.” His frown only seemed to deepen.

“Mine’s already done MC.”

“Seriously? Can I see it?”

“Er. Well one of the guys from our club did it, and he’s going to give it to me before class-”

“You can’t be serious.” MC stared at him, her grip on her pencil tightening. “The fight club does your homework? What in the hell, Inuchiyo?”

“Hey, hey, no names.” He shook his head rapidly. “Look, I have to keep my GPA up to keep my scholarship, and one of the guys is really good so Nobunaga-”

“Alright that is enough, no more.” MC dismissed the rest of his words with a wave of her hand. “I have heard enough. It's fine, I’ll figure it out.” She couldn’t believe it. That fight club was something else, basically the mob. “I would have thought you had enough of that sort of thing with your fraternity.” She packed up her things as she spoke, glancing at him as she did it.

His headphones were back in, he wasn’t listening to her.

Oh no, that was the last straw.

MC grabbed her backpack and walked past him, hooking her finger into the wire of his headphones, pulling them out from the jack.

A loud and masculine moan cut through the dead silence of the library.

Oh shit, he had been watching porn. MC blanched, picked up the pace of her steps as Inuchiyo scrambled to plug his headphones in. The damage was done however.

There was Mitsunari, as livid as she had ever seen him, anger boiling on his features.

“How dare you disrespect this sacred space with...with that filth!” He hissed, grabbing Inuchiyo by his ear. “Perverted dog!’

MC shrugged, stepping out into the sun of the late afternoon.

The hell was he watching porn for in the library anyways?

That was a psychological case study waiting to happen.

With a sigh MC faced the facts, she would have to go home to study. Home to her crabby roommate, who after the last week and a half had not mellowed at all.

Maybe she’d ask him to help her with her chemistry?

No, definitely not.

_____________________

“Sit.” Ieyasu commanded. MC had only been in the house for a few minutes, a glass of water in her hand, confusion on her face.

“Hm?” She responded, taking a sip. “I was going to go to my room, I have school work and I know you don't like-”

“Did I ask for an explanation?” His tone was all but exasperated, he was still in his pharmacy uniform. MC bit her lip, with his sleeves rolled up like that and that almost too tight button-up he cut a nice figure.

“Ah, no, no you didn’t.” She followed his instructions and perched herself onto the couch glancing at him curiously. “Can I ask why?”

“We’re having a visitor.” He continued, that too-sweet unnerving smile gracing his features. “One of my buyers.” MC froze. Other than watering his plants, she had all but forgotten what he did for a living. She knew that most of his selling took place when she was either out of the apartment or asleep.

Ieyasu kept unhealthy hours for someone parading around as being health conscious.

“Stop giving me that deer-in-the-headlights look.” He huffed, looking away. “I thought we might as well pull this bandage early on, it is almost midterms, business is going to start picking up. I’m not going to have your ‘sensibilities’ interfering with my business, got it?” MC nodded, a sort of anxiety building in her stomach.

“O-Okay.”  right at her feet, Ichigo hopped over, so she reached down to pat the little bunny, scooping her up in her arms. At least that relationship had grown positively. Ieyasu really doted on his pet, but Ichigo seemed to love her as well.

A knock at the door made MC tense all over again.

It wasn’t the first time she had sat through a drug deal, but the first time to have it happen in her home, where the cops could come and arrest her for accessory.

Ieyasu rose, opening the door and leaning against the frame.

“Hanzo.”

“Tokugawa” The quiet voice cut through the room.

Hanzo….Hanzo, why was that familiar? Hattori Hanzo, the TA? He had helped run MC’s world literature class.

Whoa.

Ieyasu really had a wide network of buyers didn’t he? Hanzo had always seemed like such as straight laced guy.

Hanzo stepped into the living room glancing down in surprise at MC, who was still absentmindedly cuddling Ichigo, who looked supremely content to be loved on.

“Is your rabbit sick?” Hanzo asked, looking at the rabbit with open surprise. The last time he had seen her she had been latched on to some freshman who owed Ieyasu money. The kid ended up in the E.R and with stitches.

“Do you think I would ever let her get sick?” Ieyasu kept his smile plastered on his face. “I was surprised when you called Hanzo, I thought you had finished this when you started graduate school.

“Its not for me” Hanzo stated plainly. “I’m sorry for the question, Tokugawa, that is just the nicest I have ever seen the rabbit behave.”

“Ichigo likes her new pet.” Ieyasu gave a pointed look at MC, who flushed at the statement. Of course she would be the rabbit’s pet. “If you aren’t here for yourself, then to what do I owe the pleasure?”

“I am buying for someone else.”

“Don’t tell me that Yukimura is at it again.” Ieyasu let a laugh leave his throat, and the MC could have sworn it was genuine. MC had seen Yukimura several times since their first meeting and she had the distinct feeling that he and Ieyasu did not get along.

“Like I said, It isn’t for me.”

“Well you tell Professor Kirigakure that I don’t mind meeting him on campus.” MC’s eyes widened.

Ieyasu was selling pot to their professors.

She had met Dr. Kirigakure a few times, very handsome, quite mysterious. She had known he living in the apartments, but had no idea that he was one of Ieyasu’s customers. She tried to picture the stoic man getting high, and she couldn’t help stifle a giggle at the thought.

Hanzo only rolled his eyes in response.

“I’ll be sure to pass it on.”  he handed over the money, and with a pass of the hands it was done.

The room had gone quiet in the interim, MC scrolling through her phone, Ieyasu handling his finances.

“Oh Shit.” MC’s eyes widened. “Oh, my homework.” She grimaced, a feeling of defeat welling up in her. “I have to do that.” She reached for her backpack on the ground, pulling out the material.

An hour passed, and then another.

She had moved to the floor, leaning on the living room table as she worked. Ever so often a sigh would leave her mouth.

Why was this so hard.

Ieyasu had milled around her, fixing himself dinner, putting Ichigo back into her hutch, getting several phone calls, and watching her with a mixture of displeasure and curiosity, although she had no idea.

At her latest sigh he finally had enough.

“What exactly has you sighing so dramatically?”

“Chemistry.” She replied, not bothering to look up from her work.

“What are you, an idiot?” He stood, walking over to her, leaning over to look at her work. “That is the wrong answer.” He pointed down at the last problem she had done. “This is simple, how are you even in college? They must let in every half-decent girl that applies” His tone was dripping in superiority. But…had he just called her pretty?

“Well I’m not a science major.” She shot back. “Or some supremely gifted Pharmacy kid”

“Obviously, someone struggling over a basic problem like that couldn’t even pass the first year of classes.” At that MC slammed her book shut, rising to her feet.

“Okay, I appreciate that, Ieyasu, I’ll take that advice in my room.” As she turned on her heels he grabbed her wrist, holding her in place. “What now?”

“Who is teaching you this?” Ieyasu appraised her with cool eyes. MC gave him the professor’s name, shaking her head.

“I just don’t get anything he says.”

“Because he is an ignorant.” Ieyasu stated plainly in response, rolling his eyes. “And so are you.”

“Hey, I bet if you had to-”

“I’m not interested in the details, just sit down.” Ieyasu cut her off, disinterest written all over his face. “You’re just one underachieving  girl of many underachieving, I don’t need your sob story.”

“No.” MC frowned, she was not about this attitude.

“Sit down, this isn’t even that hard.” MC watched him warily, but she took a seat, maybe he would at least help her do the work after all this bullshit. ‘I’m not doing this children’s work for you, but I’ll tell you what you actually need to be doing”

And he did.

For several hours. By the end of the night MC was positive she could teach that class herself.

Maybe she should have asked him first after all.

________________

Inuchiyo stared at MC in shock, holding up his C- homework assignment.

“How in the hell were you the only person to get a perfect score on this, MC? You didn’t even know what you were doing the other night.”

MC shrugged, smiling at him.

“Dunno, hard work I guess.”

____________________

“Hey, Ieyasu I made the highest score in class.” MC grinned, thrusting the paper with her score into his face. “You mean, I made the highest score in the class. For the entirety of my time in his class.” Ieyasu sounded bored, and looked even worse.

“Well uh, I just wanted to thank you so…” MC trailed off, pulling out a bag from behind her. “Here are some strawberries.” She set them down on the table in front of him. “I got them at the farmer’s market by campus, they are supposed to be organic. I figured you liked strawberries because...um...Ichigo.” She blushed a little as she talked, looking away from him.

Everything was quiet.

“Idiotic wench, do you think this is enough of a thank you for what I did.” MC looked back at him in surprise.

“Seriously Ieyas-” Before she could finish his name, he was pulling her to him, his lips pressing against hers as she fell into his lap.

Fuck.

______________

 Thank y'all for reading!

Tagging: @tokugawalady @jemchew @frywen-babbles @singokumaiden @cottonballwithmustache @held-hostage-and-happy

[xerospaced]

So i was curious as to whether a meltdown could be catatonic

As I feel, on an emotional level, that I am having a meltdown but rather than the crying/rocking/moaning/stimming/hyperventilating and what have you

I'm stuck

Like i managed to sit up to plug my phone in coz an hour or so ago coz it hit 1%

But otherwise I've been locked in this position for about 4 hours.

So anyway, I google catatonic meltdown to see if it's a thing

Lo and behold!

Not only is it a thing

But I've been having catatonic episodes for weeks IF NOT MONTHS

The lack of initiation, agitation, limited movement, limited speech, slowness (and I mean wow fucking slowness!! Im moving so slow I am losing literal HOURS without realising it)...

Ykno what

Lemme just post a screencap of the list of presentations

And... it is presentations in autism - I was searching meltdowns so makes sense

What I'm saying is that I have [and have had in various combinations over the past weeks/months] ALL OF THESE FUCKING SYMPTOMS

Even down to the grimacing ayfkm

And the only reason I even noticed the grimacing was coz i realised it was happening a few weeks ago but couldn't seem to stop it and I thought it was fucking odd.

Aggression and difficulty initiating actions CHECK AND FUCKING CHECK- it's getting our of hand.

Hesitations. Repetitive movements! My back is FUCKED coz i can't maintain a suitable seated position for longer than im stuxk thinking about it.

I legit feel like I'm losing my grip on reality. Like I'm not here.

Weirdly... scary to know this is it's own thing I'm experiencing. Daunting. But also - I've been dealing with this my whole life. No exaggeration. Sometimes I have months where I'm clear. But I would say I experience at least half of any one of these given symptoms at any given time.

That's....

Incredibly fucking upsetting if I'm honest.

I kept thinking that one day I would just figure it out.

I will be able to move when I want to. Eat when I should. Pull myself away from my interests when I wish. Not lost untold time getting stuck repeating the same motion with no end goal. Urinate when my bladder is full rather than the last second where my body is right about to override my fuggen brain! Work when I want to work!

But the aggression. These past days. I put it down to PMS - I'm sure it's played it's part. But last weeks. The consistent agitation. The inability to perform any necessary task. Falling behind on my work. The absolutely NOTHING mood. But agitation gnawing away consistently.

I feel like a powder keg.

I have no support.

I have no diagnosis [it's become impossible to believe that I'm wrong about my suspicions of ASD at this point].

I have no idea how to manage it.

And all the live long day it's "try this and try this and figure this out" and I just want to fucking scream because my brain is NOT WORKING!

What's the solution that fixes the line between I WANT to do something and me Actually doing it!?

I want to play sims but even something I actively enjoy I miss out on because I can not initiate action.

Yes, I find it easier to accomplish tasks when I am around people. BUT I AM ALONE 95% OF THE TIME. Soon to be something closer to 99.

SO.......!!??

And I feel guilty

I feel shitty

I'm underperforming!

I work quickly and to a high standard but I'm lagging because I can't start. Or I do start but I can't maintain course.

Im still stuck in the same twisted position as when I started typing this 20 mins ago and I'm sure it hurts but I cant even tell if it hurts anymore.

I can't remember what natural hunger feels like. I'm talking ravenous or nothing - mostly nothing.

And there's been so much going on lately.

And all I'm hearing is what I'm not doing.

What I need to improve.

Where I'm falling short.

Do more. Do More. DO MORE.

My moods are shifting too quick for me to log them. Not that it matters anyway coz I lack the ability to initiate that fucking task too.

There are so many things I want to do. And I know exactly how I want to be living. And I know (from the short few months in which I actually managed it) how good it feels to live the way I want.

But I can't make it happen.

I can't even decide if I should feed myself rn.

All this shit going on has not had me mentally stressed - at points, I'm not exactly big on stressing or worrying - but what has become undeniable is that it has fucked me on a functional basis.

I'm not steering the ship. And I don't know how to take control.

And I'm on a fucking 11 month waiting list for an autism assessment.

When I say life has been Hard.

The ADHD that was only diagnosed last year, the likely undiagnosed ASD, also diagnosed last year was the autoimmune connective tissue disease. Major depressive disorder. Multiple forms of anxiety. The misdiagnosed bpd. And then IF WE REALLY HAVE TO let's add on the self-harm, failed suicide attempt(s), ostracisation, emotional abuse, physical abuse, being literally left for dead, the plethora of hospitalizations as a child, childhood emotional neglect, abandonment, overlooked behavioural issues, teenage self-medicating, bullying, and fuggen MORE

I mean

Life

Is

Fuxking

HARD.

With a brain and a body that won't connect (and is also trying to destroy me for shits and giggles).

And I'm still wanting to keep going.

At this point... purely out of spite.

Because fuck this hand I've been dealt. But Fuck Me if I'm not a sharp son of a bitch! Ima play the fuck out of em.

Almost 27 years I've dragged myself through misery and I'm still in it.

I refuse to tap out now. I got no choice but to make it worth something. To make it matter. To make my existence mean more than a stupid fucking mistake the universe has been trying to erase.

I gotta be in this for Something.

This can't be all life has to give me.

Surely.