#i've literally been so inactive on here for like almost a year

[chef-alta]

BESTIE IT'S BEEN A WHILE HOW ARE YOU???

Sending hugs and lots of love 💕

HEY BESTIE I'M SO SORRY I HAVEN'T ANSWERED THIS BCUZ I DON'T KNOW HOW TO MANAGE SOCIAL MEDIA!! Q.Q life had been a wild, hectic and chaotic ride since I've gone back to full time school while working part time, as well as a heap of other experiences that have happened! there's also been lots of health issues and personal things that came up which I still am working through, but I am surviving and I feel like I've been learning so much through these experiences! I'm still learning how to be manage, but I feel like I've been growing a bit more confident in my own skin and learning to embrace myself for who I am ^-^ still, it's a learning process!

and how are you?!?! i hope you've been well??? i've missed you, my friend!!! i've missed seeing all yall on here, i'm so sorry its been so long!!!

[darylssunshine]

Ride a Cowboy

genre: almost smut but like technically not

non-apocalypse au

can be imagined as any era!

word count: 1.4k

summary: Daryl has fun with you on a bar date.

Glasses clinking and joyous conversation filled the air of the club while you eyed Daryl down his fourth shot of vodka, barely grimacing as it went down his throat.

“How can you do that? I've only had two shots and my mouth tastes literally disgusting right now.” You chuckled at the tolerance of your boyfriend, sipping your sweet tea to get the taste out of your mouth.

“Years of practice, sweetheart.” He retorted, leaning his elbows on the bar in front of him and flicking a piece of hair out of his eyes.

Daryl had been wanting to take you on a date for a while, and it was his choice for the location this time. So, of course, you and him had ended up at a southern style club a couple miles into town. It was very old-fashioned, with all wooden furniture and brick walls, adorned with framed photos of the owners, along with iconic landmarks of the surrounding area. The lights, however, were colorful and energetic, flashing along with the beat of the music at times. The bar area took up half of the building, while the other half housed a mechanical bull that was currently inactive.

With your attire being black skinny jeans, a band tank, and a black cowboy hat you stole from Daryl, the regulars could tell that this wasn't your scene. Juxtaposed with Daryl's rugged dark red flannel that fit his biceps just right thrown over a v-neck and blue jeans, you two were a sight to see.

You were broken out of your thoughts by a man over by the bull with a microphone, his voice loud enough to be heard over Low blaring over the speakers. You snapped your head over to his direction, your boyfriend's head moving slightly slower than yours.

“Alright, y'all! Bessie over here is finally up ‘n runnin’ and ready for a ridin'! Any of you folks wanna give ‘er a ride? Show ‘er a good time?” The man in the beige cowboy hat gave a wink and a few women sitting at surrounding tables shouted and whistled.

“Oh my God, Dar, can we? Please??” You gasped, eyes gradually lighting up as you shook his bicep, signaling your excitement.

He chuckled in response. “(Y/N). Really? Ya wanna ride the bull?”

“Yeah it'll be fun!!”

A raised eyebrow was all you got in response.

“If you do it with me, I'll pay for your tab.”

He pinched the bridge of his nose and chuckled lightly. He then suddenly downed his fifth shot and placed it down on the bar harshly. “Aight. Fuck it. Le’s go.”

You immediately beamed and jumped off your barstool and basically pulled Daryl off of his, stumbling slightly from inebriation and the sudden incoordination. Daryl could only kind of keep up with the pace of your speed walking.

“Us! Us! We will!” You shouted, dodging a few groups of casually dancing club goers.

“Oh, we've got some volunteers!” A few patrons that were paying attention whooped and applauded your bravery. “Step right up!” He announced, motioning to an opening in the inflatable, cushiony material that surrounded the bull to avoid injury. “You better hold on, little lady.” the announcer said quietly to you, followed by a wink. You smiled and rolled your eyes while walking across the inflatable floor to the bull.

The bull was slightly elevated, so you were having trouble mounting it, and Daryl could tell. He let you try and struggle for a few moments before lifting you by the waist and placing you on the bull, the sudden gesture causing you to giggle and grip one of the bulls ears for balance. You felt the bull jostle and then settle, signaling that Daryl had hopped on behind you. You blushed at the feeling of his hands holding your hips.

“Y’all ready?!” The announcer shouted, talking to you and Daryl, but also everyone else in the bar, including the small crowd that surrounded the bull. You grinned and gave a thumbs up in the announcer's direction. “Alright! Hold on, you two!”

The bull then whirred to life and rose a couple inches higher than it already was. You kept both hands secured to it’s ears in front of you, thanking whatever deity that was listening that Daryl had agreed to go on with you.

Then, it began to move.

Startled, you gasped and moved your hands to the handle in front of you for more balance. You slowly got used to the up and down diagonal movement, even taking one of your hands off the handle to raise it above your head, only to return it a couple seconds on a particularly deep downward slope. Meanwhile, Daryl was calm, barely reacting to the movement at all, instead choosing to keep his hands firmly planted on your waist to ensure your security. He softly chuckled in your ear at your inexperience.

“Don’t worry, darlin’. I’ll make sure ya don’t fall off.”

You felt your blush grow impossibly bigger. What does that mean?

He started by stealing back his hat, placing it on his head and returning his hand to your shoulder and squeezing it. His hand then snaked to your throat, engulfing it with his large fingers and making your head lean back. Your eyes widened and your breath hitched.

“Dar we’re… we’re in public.”

He bit your ear lobe in retaliation. “Ya think I care?” Your airflow was then slightly restricted, and you sighed in pleasure.

“Yeah. Ya like it, ya dirty little slut.”

He then took a hold of your hair and pulled, continuing to leave your neck exposed, and cockily put the other hand in the air. Your eyes had closed and your hands had migrated to his knees.

The patrons surrounding the bull cheered and whooped at Daryl’s action, a few women squealing.

“Everyone's gonna know who ya belong to.”

Your head was then tugged to the side and his lips were hungrily latched to your neck, sucking hard and adding a good amount of teeth so that when he pulled away, there was a decent sized purple mark left in its wake, growing deeper by the minute. You let a small moan escape your lips and Daryl huffed.

He then had an idea.

The brunette let you and the crowd calm down a bit, riding the bucking bronco how it was intended. He waited until the bull moved diagonally downward, then he strategically flung himself to the front of the bull and moved his legs on top of yours, earning another cheer from the crowd. You, on the other hand, were absolutely stunned, staring at him with your mouth agape. Your heart was going a million miles a minute, and he could tell. He loved it.

“Wha’d I say, darlin’? Years of practice.”

The sporadic thrusts of the bull now had a new intensity to them, Daryl’s bulge clearly being felt through your thin jeans. You steadied yourself by gripping Daryl’s shoulders and looking at him with half-lidded, lust-filled eyes. Daryl smirked, leaned down to your ear, and grumbled, “What’s wrong, sunshine? Thought ya was worried ‘bout bein’ in public.” He bit your cartilage for extra measure and continued to smirk down at you, proud of the needy little fuck doll his actions have created.

Daryl’s lustful gaze along with the thrusts of the bull and the cheers of the bull were all too much to handle, so you shamelessly latched your lips with his with intensity, something that he gladly returned. Both of you barely even registered the roar of the crowd while your hands were tangled in his hair and his hands firmly held your torso.

Right after Daryl had drunkenly and fervently introduced tongue into the mix and was already winning the battle of dominance, an especially quick jolt of the bull had you falling off the side. You tried to stabilize yourself by gripping Daryl’s shoulders again, but that just caused him to fall as well, ironically, right on top of you.

You both gazed at each other longingly for a few moments before finally registering your surroundings. He stood up first and held out a hand to help you stand as well. The crowd was wild, some of them waving their cowboy hats in the air in excitement. Daryl snicked. He wrapped a heavy arm around your shoulders and used his other hand to take his hat off and return it to your head. Almost like he was showing off a shiny gold trophy that he had just won for his performance.

The announcer beamed. “Holy shit! We haven’t seen that level of ridin’ in a while, literally.”

Daryl looked over at you and winked.

You and him will definitely be returning soon.

[johnslittlespoon]

Gale finds John sitting on the steps of the back porch, elbows resting on his knees, head lifted to the sky, ever reminiscent of ‘45 when looking north was the only reprieve from chain link and barbed wire.

He shuts the cabin door quietly behind him before he follows John’s gaze, and then he sucks in a sharp breath, hand frozen on the porch railing.

The night sky is alive, rippling in brilliant luminescence, slow waves like sun rays filtering through cracked glass across the vast open space.

“Wow,” Gale whispers, lowering his hand to his side.

John’s eyes glimmer when he turns to look at him, refractions of emerald and indigo and magenta dancing across his irises. It feels like another lifetime that Gale watched similar hues paint his face while they huddled behind brick walls and peeked out at the bombs as they coloured the land– he can hardly reconcile the boys they were three years prior with the men they are now.

“I was gonna come wake you,” John murmurs as he turns his attention back to the light show, scratching at the collar of his shirt. “Just hard to look away, y’know?”

Gale does know, gaze jumping between neon shards and dark, sleep–mussed curls, unsure which he’s more keen to settle his eyes upon. He moves forward instead of deciding, sitting down on the step next to John, inhaling the familiar smokey scent carrying on the breeze from the cigarette that dangles from John’s right hand.

“You ever seen ‘em before?” Gale asks as he stares up at the vibrant patterns, pressing close to John to soothe the night’s chill.

“Never seen anything like it,” John says, quiet, plumes of smoke spilling from his lips, reaching up in a futile effort to join the holographic flares. “You?”

Yes. I've seen you.

“No,” Gale shakes his head, picking a ribbon of maroon to fix his eyes on. “Never thought I’d get the chance to.”

There are a lot of things Gale hadn’t thought he’d get the chance to experience, back when home felt like a universe away, and iron gates felt like a life sentence. Yet he still can’t help but yearn for something else, and though what he aches for should feel small under the atmospheric anomaly, the lights dim in comparison to the radiance of the man at his side.

He thinks the colours are even prettier when he glances to the side to watch them glide across the angular planes of John’s face, chest fuzzy at the look of pure boyish wonder that seems to smooth out the divots and lines and marks made by time.

He wants to tell him everything. Somehow that thought is almost scarier than all else he’s endured.

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

not sure if this is/will be anything, but i had to get my feelings out in writing after seeing the northern lights last night. literally cried like a baby while sitting on the top of a mountain alone watching them– it's been my dream since i was a kid, and i never thought i'd see them so young, or at all, really. a part of me feels a little healed and i'm still in awe. <3 then i got to thinking about john and gale buying and fixing up a small cabin together out on the edge of lake michigan, a sanctuary in the forest, a place to hide away from the world after the war ends. healing as friends, but the feelings never go away, and some rare pining gale. a love confession during a once in a lifetime event, etc. perhaps will turn it into a oneshot at some point, but for now here's a little drabble to make up for inactivity. x

[sensitively-taken]

five things i hate about summer (and the one thing i love about it: you) — huening kai | teaser

synopsis. As far back as you can remember, you've hated summer and all it brings. The heat, the sweat, the sand that gets everywhere—you hate it all and you almost wish the season didn't exist. However, when your best friend takes you on a trip to Muuido Island, an island full of history and memories for him, you realise that while there are many things you can hate about summer, there's only one thing you can love about it—him.

pairing. best friend!huening kai x fem-presenting!reader ft. other idols in the full fic!

genres/tropes. best friends to lovers, fluff, romance, 5+1

warnings. none in the teaser!

word count. 2.1k est word count. 15-18k date. tbd

taglist. send me an ask to be added to the taglist for this fic!! ♡

notes. after another year and some more inactivity on this blog, i am back!! and i'm back w a teaser bc i feel like dropping a full fic out of the blue would be a bit . strange so here's a teaser for an upcoming huening birthday fic!!! it's based on this drabble which i've been saying i would expand into a full fic for like . 2 years now. but it's here now so! yay!! anyways, enough rambling from me, i hope you guys enjoy this teaser and it excites you for the full fic!! ♡♡

Most people think of Huening Kai to be like the sun. Bright and warm. Bright in the way that when you look at his wide smile you can’t help but smile too, shield your face a little, in the face of such a gleaming grin. Warm in the way that he draws people in, pulling them in effortlessly and with so much joy.

As his best friend of nearly eight years, you’re supposed to find it hard to disagree.

And yet you do.

Because with the sun beating down on you, glaring harshly in your direction as you make your way to Huening’s car, you look up to find Huening smiling softly, kindly–nothing at all like the harsh sun you know too well. He squints, dark lashes fluttering against the flushed apples of his cheeks, and with every impatient step you take towards his car, his slender eyes only crinkle up further, softening the sharp edges of his face. Before you even open the door to the passenger’s seat, his eyes have disappeared into little crescents and there’s a full-blown smile on his face. 

Dropping your duffel bag on the seat behind you, you slide into the seat and close–slam–the door shut, huffing all the while. You don’t even have to spare the blond a glance to know he’s holding back a laugh. 

“Oh, fuck off.” Your words are punctuated by a harsh flick of your sunglasses down your face, settling to perch them down low on your nose where the least amount of sweat has formed.

At first, it’s a snort. A quiet, unruly sound that tiptoes around the silence you’ve imposed. Then, much to your annoyance, a few, low chuckles follow. As you silently simmer, both figuratively and literally, the chuckles increase in volume, eventually escalating to a wholehearted laugh that has Huening tipping his head back, his Adam’s apple bobbing as he does. 

You simply cross your arms over your chest, immediately regretting the action when the fold of your skin against itself only heightens your awareness of the sweat oozing out of you. “Yes, Huening, would you like to share what you found so funny with the rest of the class?”

“N-no,” he clears his throat and straightens his back at the sound of his last name, running a hand over his face to compose himself, “Not a single thing funny at all, ma’am.”

“Mmm,” you hum, ignoring his eyes burning holes into your outfit, “that’s exactly what I thought.”

Silence ensues in the car once more, as Huening hesitantly puts the key in the ignition and the vehicle slowly comes to life with a steady hum. It’s an old thing, a Kia convertible from the 90’s that his dad had gifted him for his 19th birthday. The red paint on the exterior is chipped away in certain parts and the dark seats have certainly seen better days. Nearly every time he’s taken it out for a ride, it’s either broken down in the middle of the road or not even started at all, so why exactly Huening thinks it’s a good idea to attempt a nearly three-hour road trip in the old thing you simply cannot understand.

As he’s about to pull out of your university parking, he spares you one last glance, forcing his lips into a taught, straight line. “Are you sure all… that’s necessary? 

You roll your eyes, tapping a finger on the inside of your elbow impatiently, as you gesture at yourself slowly. “Yes, of course, Hyuka. Look, I’ve got the wide-brimmed hat to block out the sun’s rays, obviously. Then I’ve got the shades to protect my eyes and the fan to well fan myself and–”

Huening calls out your name, raising a brow in your direction. “I’m clearly not talking about all that, I’m talking about all that, like the three layers of shirts you have on right now… Do you want to die of heatstroke?”

Pausing at his words, you realise you do in fact feel yourself getting hotter. An uncomfortable warmth, prickly and wet, has spread throughout your entire body, a sensation you only become more aware of with every brush of fabric against your skin. Maybe he’s right. Maybe the three layers are making you a bit too hot and a bit too sweaty, but the slow grin spreading on his lips incites a strange stubbornness within you.

“Actually, Hyuka,” you start, quickly dabbing away at the beads of sweat forming on your hairline, “More layers in hot weather is good, y’know. The more clothes you have on, the better your protection from UV rays is because–”

“They absorb the UV rays and stop them from reaching your skin,” he drones, interrupting you and finally pulling out of the parking spot. His smile only grows wider at your brief, annoyed sigh in response. “At this point, I think I could recite everything you’ve ever said about the sun and its UV rays. I’ve been fully indoctrinated.”

Your eyebrow twitches. “Indoctrinated? Wha–”

“I mean, that’s not bad,” he starts lightly, making a point to tap the sunglasses resting on his head, “Just maybe don’t go as far as covering yourself in three layers from head to toe? So, you don’t like… overheat and die, you know?”

You pause again, only becoming more and more aware of the prickling sensation of sweat clinging to your neck, your back, anywhere where your skin folds and creases. Once again the look on Huening’s face makes you want to keep the layers on for a little longer, but at the feeling of your head spinning slightly, you begrudgingly decide against it.

You begin to strip.

Removing your hat and shades from your head and setting them on the dash in front of you with your fan, you begin peeling off the excessive layers on you. Much to your annoyance, you hastily remove your white, long-sleeved shirt and spare it a glance to see that it’s practically damp with obvious sweat stains dyeing the shirt a darker white at the pits. Already, you can feel the beginnings of a cool breeze rush down your back, blowing at the white linen shirt you have on underneath. The urge to sigh aloud is strong, but Huening’s smug gaze on you is stronger. 

You settle for a contented hum as you begin undoing the buttons on your linen shirt, failing to notice how your best friend’s gaze on you is faltering. The navy blue tank you have on underneath is all but drenched, stained with the sweat that’s been trailing down your back all this while, but you still rip your button-up off eagerly and toss the two shirts in the back with your duffel bag. Picking your fan up again, you fiddle with one of the straps of your tank over and over, picking at the elastic hitting your skin and eliciting a loud snap.

Abruptly, you’re jostled forward as the car comes to a startling halt at the stoplight. 

“What the fuck?” you exclaim, turning in your seat to face Huening. The blond, on the other hand, is staring straight at the road ahead of him, his grip on the steering wheel tight. You snap the strap of your tank into place once again, as you sit back in your seat, missing how the knuckles of his fingers go white. “Don’t suddenly stop like that or I’ll think this car is finally giving out and get an Uber back.”

“I just… I just didn’t see the stoplight coming up,” he says, voice trembling and thick. He sneaks a peek at you out of the corner of his eyes and does a weird thing with his mouth where the corners pull up but the rest doesn’t. “By the way, I didn’t think you were, um, were literally gonna strip.”

You place your fan in front of your face again and lean back in your seat, closing your eyes. “Hm, why? Do you have a problem with it? Should I go back to my three layers and, how’d you say it, ‘overheat and die?’”

The car moves forward again, slowly climbing up to its previous speed. As it does, the wind picks up again, weaving through your hair and sending a chill breeze down your arms. It’s cool enough that you can put your fan away in your bag, so you twist in your seat to pocket it and retrieve a cream in its stead. With a loud splurt, you begin squeezing the cream out of its long tube and rubbing it on your arms.

You nearly miss Huening’s quiet and feeble ‘no’ that he mumbles out. You turn back to him, about to ask him what he’s talking about, when he cuts you off to ask–

“What is that?”

“Hm?” You raise the tube up. “This?”

He nods, eyes still on the road in front of him.

“SPF,” you reply, now moving to spreading the cream on your legs. It’s only when you dip down to roll up your linen pants and spread the SPF on your bare skin that you notice Huening’s ears are burning red. As you come up and place the cream on the dash, there’s a small smile on your lips. “Looks like you need some yourself.”

“Hm, what?” he asks, turning to face you for a moment and you gasp as you catch the sight of his face. It’s flushed a deep, splotchy red all across his cheeks, the dark rouge dusting his nose a light pink and staining his ears a bright crimson.

Without thinking, you reach out to him and grab his right ear, carefully rubbing the skin there. Focused on scanning his face, you miss his slight shiver. “Your entire face is red, even your ears.”

“O-oh,” is all he says, leaning away from your touch but not saying anything about it. As if he can feel your eyes burning into him, he concedes, “I-I guess I’ll put some on when we get there. I mean, it’s just a two-hour drive.”

“Two hours too long.” You leave his ear alone to lightly pull at the sunglasses on his head and readjust them over his eyes. “I still don’t understand the appeal of driving all the way to the island. I mean, we could’ve taken a bus.

“Imagine that?” you ramble on, “Sitting down in an enclosed vehicle with fans everywhere. Maybe even getting a little nap in. Not having to worry that the vehicle you’re in will break down at any moment, leaving you stranded in the middle of nowhere.”

Huening snorts at that. “We haven’t even left Seoul yet.”

“My point is,” you continue, shooting a pointed glare his way, “I don’t get the appeal of road trips. Especially in the summer. Like, you’re all cramped in a tight space for hours, the sun makes you sweat like a pig, the aircon barely does anything to cool you down, and don’t even get me started on gas station bathrooms.”

You groan at the mere thought of the dreaded bathrooms and Huening snorts once again. 

He tilts his head in your direction, the beginnings of a smug smile on his lips. “Well, if you hate road trips so much, then why are you here, hm? Why go through being ‘cramped in a tight space for hours, sweating like a pig, and having to go to gas station bathrooms’ if you hate it so much?”

Yawning, you pick up your hat and shades from the dash and settle them in their respective places on your head and face. “It’s for you, of course. How could I ever miss my favourite boy’s birthday?”

You say the words simply, so matter-of-factly because they’re true. There’s no one else you could imagine yourself waking up at eight AM on a Friday to go on a road trip for besides your best friend, Huening. You don’t know if it’s because of the way he’d already adjusted the passenger seat perfectly for you or because he got an assortment of your favourite drinks in a cooler you’d noticed next to your duffel bag, but all you know is that the moment he’d called you to ask if you’d go to an island off Incheon to celebrate his birthday, you’d said yes without giving it a second thought.

Still, your words catch Huening off guard, obviously so as, instead of teasing you about your rare moment of honesty, he turns bashful, looking out his window and trying to conceal a boyish grin you can clearly see through his side view mirror. You wonder why that is as you settle fully into your seat.

feedback & reblogs are welcome and appreciated!! ♡

copyright 2024 sensitively-taken, all rights reserved. no translations or reposts of any form allowed.

[lupins-hehim-pussy]

Hi i have sigewinne thoughts id like to hear your takes on

It is established that sigewinne is in the fortress wayyyy before wrio because she was also incarcerated for something right (or maybe she just has weird lingo that makes it SOUND like she committed a crime idk). And its still unclear exactly when she went from being an inmate to a working nurse (could be the same as wrio or she was also one of the people who chose to stay in meropide after her sentence is over who knows).

But like the warden before wrio is horrible iirc. And idk man horrible warden would equal unhappy, starving, desperate, and violent (and most importantly DEAD!) prisoners right?

I know melusines has this higher being-esque distant way of how they view humanity. They talk about humans being adorable like how humans would describe pets and animals. Im not saying its in a deragotory way, but theyre... a lil bit tone deaf because of it ya know. Like they KNOW they should do good for good sake but not exactly comprehend that good would make humans feel good (sedene literally went 'ah yes i remember that when humans are sad, you feed them, then theyre not sad!)

Do you think sigewinne would just... people watch? Would help humans that approach her yeah but she just... is aware that the humans around her are the sad and the hungry. And they are just less so when the warden changed? I doubt ANYONE would stay in meropide after their sentence during the previous warden era, but her staying solely to people watch and keep them healthy isnt.... that... farfetched.

And i love sigewinne, would probably need that level of distance to be a tiny nurse in a fortress of criminals. I just wonder how she is during the previous warden era because i dont really see her getting along with them either (or the warden kept her around for free labour who knows)

Sorry for the late reply, my social spoon has been low. The yap machine broke LOL

ANYWAY the melusines. I do honestly think Genshin Often write themselves into a hole with how they want to keep things "light" while still ... doing ... dark crazy shit. Putting a Melusine in Jail. Why. And also genshin's writer team is just... not good. But we have been through that I've rambled At Length about what I think there so.

Here's specific thoughts about Sigewinne.

Firstly............ what? I haven't touched new content since Fontaine MSQ finished, disclaimer, so I'm just taking your word for it. Secondly, making Sigewinne an ex convict is just so immensely Dumb of Mihoyo because that meant. Neuvillette had to sentence her. Right?? And how is That not more prominent to his story than him having to sentence Vautrin or even Wriothesley for that matter, given how he canonically feels about the Melusines and their safety. Sending one of them to Prison, where all of the Bad Guys who Hates Him and would kill the Melusines to get back at him. would ... have to fuck him up. Like he reacted so severely to just Hate Mail. How was Sigewinne's story Not At All impactful to his?

This is almost surely a Teams Not Communicating and/or Mihoyo Haven't Released Her So Everything About Her is Under Wraps thing. Which also makes no sense because.................. Wriothesley's sentence was literally referenced by that file on Neuvillette's desk. Which by the way is insane like sir it has been years. Put it away. But did they do anything like that for Sigewinne? I dunno. Haven't played in ages. The fact that she works down there At All is kinda wack if you consider how protective Neuvillette is.

So........ like... were the Melusines around even Before he was Iudex? He only brought them out of the water and into Fontaine but it's not stated that they're actually younger than him... or younger than 500 years right....... Was she sentenced by the Previous Archon? How can MHY tell a story that says so much and yet answers nothing.

Anyway, about Sigewinne and the Melusines' inaction specifically, I don't actually mind too much. They are so extremely different from humans in terms of how they age and what their maturity looks like, and that it's not too hard for me to grasp that they're just gonna act in ways that make them seem................... so out of touch. This layer actually adds so much to them in my mind in terms of how their immortality works compared to say, the Adepti, and how their emotions and memory function. I once had a thought that because they are so unaffected by loss and death all around them that they might... literally... be one of the only immortal species on Teyvat that is immune to corrosion lol. Or at least, the emotional anguish kind. In the sense they're almost like slimes. Where they just:

1. Don't recall their history with much intensity at all (that one melusine literally forgot Carole died. Or maybe it wasn't made clear to her that one of them just vanished. Maybe a lot more Melusines have died than we thought).

2. Don't care. #Live in the moment.

3. Don't ruminate (I literally said this in my fic funnily enough AHAHAHA).

Like if anyone in Fontaine is truly seriously impartial to humans, its them. Their ability to be so detached to suffering looks Frightening to outsiders (layering on their history with discrimination here lmao) but in actuality, if you consider that they're legitimately another species with a different brain, you'd be able to see their behaviour through less of a moral lense. It's literally as if they don't fully comprehend life and death— even Carole doesn't seem to fully understand death itself. And they forget things (Elynas, their 'father') which is arguably Not Erosion (forgetting small stuff is normal, and if you live as long as they do, yeah, you're better off forgetting things from 298274 years ago). Even if they remember it's probably like. Oh, that was sad! Anyway, what was I doing?

They just don't. Ruminate. They aren't built like that.

And I don't think that means that they don't care. They're just genuinely very different from humans in how they think and feel. And I refrain from saying "they're autistic" or "emotionally stunted" because these are human conditions and human terms, even if I very much frame my understanding of them through my understanding of these other human conditions. Which is why Neuvillette isn't exactly autistic either. But it's very Hard to say in his case because there's not exactly. Other Water Dragons for us to compare to and see if his cognitive/emotional abilities are Different from them (Unless it's modern au. In which yeah, he is lmao). But all the Melusines have this sort of detachment as if like, emotionally, they don't have... the trauma function basically. Or at least not one that's comprehensible to us.

So in my head, I do think Sigewinne tries her best, but she just simply isn't as emotionally charged by her experiences as, say, Wriothesley. She worked in Meropide while Wriothesley was sentenced there, so she did work under the previous warden as well, and I'm sure she did her job Well and she had her own way of caring for people but if they drop dead... genuinely, I think she'd just be like. "Aw, how sad. Anyway, I have other people to treat." Which, arguably, makes her a much more efficient nurse LMAO.

And it may seem so cruel to people do view her through a humanistic lense, but if you see it as like, if she's reached the level of enlightenment that Buddhist practitioners could only Dream of, and she's able to literally let these heavy events wash over her without letting it affect her, all while still being a caring being, this all would hopefully feel less uncomfortable. I do genuinely think she cares, but her emotional range and cognition just reaches. This point. Which is fine and doesn't make her inherently a bad character or person, I think.

I do literally think she can sit down with someone grieving and be like, "I understand that you are going through a process, and I will let you process things at your own rate, while I administer care as well as I can."

And they can be like, "Why don't you give a shit that they died?!!"

And she'd be like, "Would me feeling worse bring them back?"

Then, depends on how they react, she would continue like. "Unfortunately I do not feel things the same way that you do, and I do understand that humans often want their conversation partners to be able to relate to them, to feel as though they aren't alone in their feelings. Perhaps if you attend the memorial later, you'd be able to find those who can grieve with you. But if you feel any pain, or need any medicine, I will be here to help you!"

Yknow like. She's not Unkind. But she's very much... not gonna feel the same way about death as her patients. If anything this might make her the Best Suited person to be in charge of care in Meropide, and she might have already figured that out herself, and was like, "Monsieur Neuvillette, only I can do this without going insane. Please let me do this."

And he's like............... (shaking with fear for her) "Alright."

[practically-an-x-man]

Talk Shop Tuesday for how you first got into writing X-Men fics?

Ooooh thank you!!

Talk Shop Tuesday

So I feel like I've probably told this story before, but the abridged version is that I grew up on X-Men and other superhero movies, my dad especially is a big fan of them so I was exposed to them pretty early, but it wasn't until I was 12 or 13 that I really fell in love with that whole world.

Because when I was 12, I started having severe abdominal pain that just Would. Not. Stop. It lasted two whole years before I finally found the right diagnosis and got the issue resolved, and it turned out that it was caused by a very rare genetic mutation. And during those two years... I was in so much pain that I couldn't eat and dropped almost 50 pounds, I couldn't sleep, I locked myself in the bathroom because I didn't know what else to do, any semblance of a social life withered and I had almost no friends because I was in too much pain to go out, and it took months before the adults in my life finally believed it was real and not just faking for attention or to get out of school. And on top of that, my parents (my mother especially) still expected me to maintain my straight A's, practice my instruments, and train for martial arts.

Sound familiar? There's a reason my url on here is practically-an-x-man, and why I'm so attached to Angel in particular that I literally have a tattoo of his wings.

Anyway, superhero movies and X-Men in particular became a bit of an escape for me. I saw myself in their stories, I loved the characters, and it became a comfort media for me. In all honesty, it kept me alive during the worst of those rough times. And after a while, I'd start daydreaming up my own stories and characters in that world, as you do.

It wasn't until COVID hit that I actually began engaging with the fanfic side of things. I'd had my little plot bunnies and the early inklings of OCs for a while, but didn't even think about writing them down or sharing them until I started reading fanfic on AO3 and realized hey, this is a thing people do! So I took the leap and starting writing my first fanfic, I'll Be There to Catch You.

I was lucky enough to find a bit of a friendship with a more experienced writer on AO3 - they've been inactive for a while now, but they commented on every chapter of that first X-Men fic (even though it was... not great, and very obvious that I was a new writer) and encouraged me to keep writing and improving. I doubt I'd have the motivation or skill I have for writing today if it weren't for them.

So... yeah. That was how I started out. A lot of my other fandoms are more of the "hey, this looks cool, I'll give it a shot!" but X-Men in particular is incredibly close to my heart.

Thank you for the ask!!

[nerdylittleguy]

are spidersonas still a thing? yes? cool cool...

Okay, he's not my spidersona per se, he's based on a favourite character from a forgotten 80s show (robin of sherwood, and the character's name is Nasir, if you're interested) but I wanted to make a spiderman based on him since watching atsv, but because of how well Pavitr was designed (culture and representation wise) I wanted to make him also more representative, but had no idea where to start where to even find designs or inspiration. So I wrote down in one of my many diaries that he's Palestinian, and left it at that for months.

And, if you're somehow not yet aware, Palestine has actually been noticed by the west for the past month, though it should have been for more. People should not have to die, civilians should not have to die, hospitals, mosques, churches, schools, bakeries and people should not be targeted by a powerful military, blamed for the conditions of their suffering and resistance under an apartheid state. I'm Polish, fun fact, and when Russia started its invasion of Ukraine we were all crapping ourselves, supporting the Ukrainian fight back against people who had already oppressed them in the past. Of course, every story of oppression is different, but the moral is this: the world supported Ukrainian resistance against oppression, and suddenly when it's in the oh-so dreaded middle east, it's apparently a threat to everyone, and apparently it's completely justifiable to murder innocent civilians, but not justifiable for them to fight back. Ideally, I'd like to say "violence is never the answer, it's not correct to fight fire with fire" but realistically, after 75 years of oppression, of western ignorance, what other options are there? You cannot debate for peace with a government that calls you "children of darkness" or "human animals" or whatever other dehumanising things the Israeli government and military have been saying. Now is the obligatory time I feel I need to clarify, no, I do not support acts of terror (from either side!! Israel deserves as much criticism as Hamas, if not more, seeing as they are a powerful military) and no, I am not antisemitic. I have not been studying World War 2 for almost 4 years as an autistic hobby to be called antisemitic, but also neither to ignore a genocide unfolding before our eyes on social media. My issue is not with Jewish people, who have suffered for years, centuries, especially in Europe, my issue is with the weaponisation of the Holocaust and the misleading Israeli/ Zionist idea that they, the children of the Holocaust, cannot cause the same atrocities. Especially when many, many Jews, also children of Holocaust survivors have spoken out again Israel and its actions towards Palestinians. Trauma is a cycle, one that the state of Israel has clearly not dealt with and is now willing to cause in another population.

So. Autism and activism (another fun fact, I'm a former climate activist who quit due to burn out) combined in my brain to make this artwork. I have a few more drawings of Nasir as spiderman, I'm still mulling over if I want to post them, but if people want to take my design and run with it, redraw it, make it more accurate or interesting (I literally just took the patterns on the keffiyeh and threw them on a spiderman suit, not very creative, or not as much as it could have been) absolutely do so. I would ask for a little credit, but if you feel you make the design entirely your own, it's yours. I'm just some Polish idiot living in the UK, what do I know about accurate middle eastern representation? (Also feel free to use this as pfps and what not, I don't care, I'll be happy with the knowledge I drew it, and if it makes you happy, I've achieved more than I hoped.)

Obviously activism has more to offer than just drawing spiderman, so if you can, write to your MPs or representatives or what have you, share information (I will do my best to share information on tumblr as I have been very inactive on here recently), maybe even attend protests if you can, but first and foremost, stay thinking!! Stay learning and educating yourself as having information keeps you one step ahead of propaganda. If you have the energy to, compare and criticise different news outlets, find yourself some Gazan news sources and journalists (a lot of people have been following Motaz, Bisan and Plestia on Instagram, I don't have that but it's easy to find reposts of their videos on tiktok or twitter) and stay informed!! Boycott those companies suggested by BDS, MacDonalds, Starbucks and Disney as the main ones (or just ignore capitalism all together and shop local!! That's what I've been trying to do, but obviously it's not an option for everyone, it's better to have focused efforts on those big three than smaller, scattered attempts at boycotting). We all have something we can do to help and show out support.

However, from my burnt out activist's perspective I have to highlight that you MUST take time for yourself, your hobbies, your wellbeing. Yes, you are privileged to be able to turn it off, but from my privilege of experience, I tell you that you will burn out and loose your spark. You need to be able to support those who need us (and not just in Palestine, but in the DR of Congo and many other places where crises and genocides are occuring) but you can't do that if you've burnt yourself out. You, your comfort and safety is important, your ability to sustainably fight for these important causes is more valuable than you know. Important causes like these require a lot of energy, but we as activists cannot let ourselves become completely burnt out as there will be no one left to fight. Just pace yourself. Do as much as you are comfortable with. Everyone has different styles of activism, different abilities, and that's the beauty of us. We can do so much if we don't start with too much and end up burnt out.

In conclusion, Free Palestine <3

[honeekyuu]

hey this is the shy anon from the other day that read through your ao3 and i just wanted to stop in and say to take your time and don’t let these anons get to you. i know you’ve been writing on your ao3 for a while now but your tumblr is literally brand new and i’m honestly at a loss for words that you’re already getting rude anons and people pressuring you to post more.

you seem like a really busy gal and i’d hate for demands like that to burn you out. you’re doing amazing and don’t let anybody be an asshole to you. post what you want when you want/can, i’ve seen far too many people give up on fandom because they feel like they have to constantly churn out content to the detriment of their creativity and passion. you’re so talented and based on the frequency with which you’ve been writing in the last few months it seems like you have a fire in your soul for haikyuu. i hate seeing it taken for granted and i just wanted to let you know you have support in doing whatever the fuck it is you want.

(feel no obligation to reply to this, just wanted to offer some support after seeing such atrocious fandom etiquette literal days into the life of this blog)

wow, i really dont know what to say--

i saw this as soon as you sent it in, but i was honestly super shocked that id gotten it, so ive just been sitting here thinking ab it.

it means probably more than you realize that you sent something so kind. i've been writing for a long long time now (both here on a different blog and on ao3), and it's true that i am very busy, because unfortunately being a phd student and running experiments and spending all my time running back and forth between my advisors and conferences and the lab means i have a schedule thats not really a schedule, and i can never really say when or what im going to be inspired enough to write, enough that i can pull myself out of daily burnout. i experience writing droughts often, sometimes lasting up to a year before i feel the urge to sit down with a doc again. and i have a LOT of half-written fics that have never seen the light of day, which i plan to get back to eventually but which, in reality, may never get finished.

ive gotten so much love and support over the years, and it's brought me back to writing every time. i love haikyuu with my soul, and i think about my fics almost every day because i feel a burning need to write them. if not for anyone else, then just for me.

but this blog is brand new, so, even though that anon i received definitely tops the list of unfriendly comments ive gotten over the many years of writing, i wanted to be as kind and accommodating as possible. because i dont want people to think im ungrateful and will ignore criticism, because no one likes those kinds of writers. but i am also a person, and writing is hard, so i think i will continue to do things my way.

my writing style is this, for anyone who'd like to know: i am erratic, and i dont have an upload schedule, because i cant realistically manage one. i have periods of inactivity, because life is hard, and i have periods of hyperactivity, because i love this fandom and the way that haikyuu makes me feel in a life that's full of terrible feelings. this may annoy some people, and i can understand that. but i cant force myself to write if im not in a place to write, and i cant force myself to stick to one fic at a time, because then it'll be clear that it's been forced.

im extremely annoying and unhinged and feral and i will talk about several different fics and smaus and text threads and headcanons all within the same breath. but i will always write what i love, so if you'd like to see work that is well-loved, feel free to stick around.

thank you very much to everyone whos been so kind in my inbox tonight, and i hope to see you all tomorrow <3

[palacholic]

for someone called palacholic you sure don't talk about Palach a lot/silly (this is an invitation for you to ramble sometime if you want to)

short answer: i'm really shy and afraid of being obnoxious and annoying 😭. rn i'm trying to figure out what the right balance between oversharing and never talking about him at all is😅. and it's both online and irl, so thanks for the question 😁 if there's anything specific you'd like to hear me ramble about, you can always text me 😌😌.

longer answer, more background context: Jan Palach has been my special interest for the past almost 5 years. through reading about him i figured out that i wanted to live in the Czech Republic and study at the Faculty of Arts (dreams that eventually came true).

before coming to Czechia, i never talked about Palach to ppl. very few of my friends actually knew that i was interested in him. it's true that he's not very well known in my home country but i told some ppl and tried to show them why he's so fascinating to me. not always they understood and since i struggle quite a bit with rejection i was always very careful about whom i tell and what i say.

the moment i arrived in Prague, on the contrary, i started telling EVERYONE. friends, classmates, teachers, even random ppl. maybe too many random ppl🫣. i can be annoying af and literally talk about him for HOURS on end (ppl who know me irl - you can confirm) and most ppl don't care that much/don't know how to react/are uncomfortable with so much infodumping. i try to keep it under control but sometimes it's hard💀.

and then i created this tumblr to get more into Czech culture and stuff and find like-minded ppl (i did, big shoutout to them!!! ❤️‍🔥❤️‍🔥❤️‍🔥) but with school and other stuff going on i've been quite inactive over the last couple of months 😞, i hope i'll have more time now!!

also, some of the Palach related stuff is really personal, i'm not yet comfortable sharing everything but i've been thinking about sharing some of my writing (mostly poetry/short thoughts/storytimes) on here, so we'll see how that goes 🥺.

[rooftopwreck]

about me

tagged by @mathomhouse-e @immacaria and @wizardofgoodfortune thank you all so kindly

Nickname: Vi (you could call me rooftopwreck if you're more comfortable with it but I think just 'wreck' is also very funny and accurate)

Sign: Rabbit & Cancer

Height: 165 on a good day (almost 5'5")

Last thing I googled: metric to feet and inches LMAO

Song stuck in my head: Two Minutes by The Amazing Devil (#1 on Spotify wrapped 2022)

Number of followers: 314 (at least 60% are inactive after all these years, I've been here too long)

Amount of sleep: I try for 8 hrs minimum if I can

Dream job: I don't dream of jobs but if I did I'd love to be a sponsored artist

Wearing: black pajamas with yellow details

Movies/books that summarize you: not sure about summarizing but the following are pretty formative. Books: Percy Jackson! TV series (instead of movies bc I'm drawing up blank): Journey to the West (1996 version) & NBC Hannibal.

Favourite song: changes all the time but currently Ruin by The Amazing Devil (they're rly good) & Blood Upon the Snow by Hozier and Bear McCreary

Favourite instrument: I'm notoriously bad at music so I'm just gonna say what's the hottest one to wield: Bass Guitar

Aesthetic: whatever the hell Tom Sturridge's Dream has going on but much more jewelry and the occasional pop of colour

Favourite authors: as a tween: Rick Riordan, currently very much enjoying Neil Gaiman

Random fun fact: I built a wooden coffee table recently! Intended it to be curved so I can sit on the floor with my laptop and only when I was done did I realise it's shaped like a cat's head (cute tho)

literally almost everyone I was gonna tag has already been tagged in this 💀 cons of being late and a procrastinator :( I know FOR A FACT @ghostboyjules hasn't done it yet (unless I missed it) so you're my sacrificial lamb

[levbolton]

It is I, anon from earlier today and I can now in confidence tell you that your fics have broken me down into nothingness.

Not only am I stupid and cannot read tags but I repeatedly let myself be comforted by your writing only to be hit with the sad truth at the end. You can’t keep getting away with this /j .Your style is so unique and I can feel the passion you have for the characters as you can see their inner turmoils on the writings. I love how you bring them to life

My personal favourite is Monologue (which is highly underrated btw). I love the dynamic between Fumi and Maki plus Fumi talking about her day made me smile so much. Then cane the gut wrenching feeling about Maki. Honestly you managed to balance the fluff with the angst out so well and I really adored it.

To conclude this annoying fan’s rambling, you are my favourite blue period writer and such a great storyteller. I know how you’ve stated that the fandom is quite inactive (cause it is) but your presence manages to be so outstanding to me. I don’t know why I was too nervous to follow now but I might as well write my letter of appreciation so it can be covered by the bots.

I hope you are able to continue doing what you love and have a great rest of day. 🙃

thanks op, kinda figured bcs i have emails from ao3 and your usernames match

personally 'monologue' is quite the lackluster for me, i wanted to use the concept, i think i wanted to make it about ytyt with yotasuke that would tell yatora about the summer festival only to reveal at the end that yatora was unconscious the whole time so yotasuke wasn't talking with anyone, i got the idea while working on 'a psychological take' (where i wrote already a summer festival so it felt unnecessary to do it again) and at the same time i wanted to write fumimaki (bcs there's literally nothing for this married couple, almost canon i'd say, more canon than ytyt), so i combined both, i was still in a phase where i wanted to kill all characters and make them suffer which i think i did a lot and now i just want to write them relax and be happy (writing depression is hard), so it's not really that original inside my head, but im glad at least someone else likes it (for me billy of tea was way more fun to think about)

tbh i've been thinking about moving on from blp for quite a few months already but i simply can't find something else to interest me the same way ytyt does, which sucks bcs if i don't write then no one will write stuff, rn i want to finish this fic i'm sorking on (i hope i get to 100k), then a oneshot about ytyt soulmates and another oneshot about miki and ayano only, then idk, i think it would be good to retire (not to be petty actually, but i did write 40% of the words in the yatoyota tag on ao3)

fandom isn't really only inactive, it is now a bit (i continuously try to collect blp fans here and on twt, the more the merrier), but i just felt ignored since the anime was airing, again maybe it was the bad timing bcs i started posting my first fic towards the end of the anime when people lost the interest bcs that adaptation is horrible, then in february yamaguchi had covid and from march to july it was complete hiatus and then the whole dj drama (which i'd lie if i said the mob mentality to drop it didn't affect me too although i was the one to uncover the doujinshis on my own weeks before it got to twitter, anyway my idea was: this isn't a piece of media i care about and i am already deeply in love with blue period so whatever, my respect for yamaguchi decreased and i got a passive aggressive attitude towards her until she posted the new year ytyt picture with bunnies this january, now i seriously don't care abt whatever else she drew - also damn i'm really side railing with this)

thanks again for your support, sorry for the long unnecessary text lmao, i have too much free time

[xenodile]

Part of me is still apprehensive about sharing/talking about my smut and kink writing out of fear I'll say something wrong or get someone jumping down my throat about something problematic but also typing and talking helps me process my own thoughts so I can better organize and work through them so I sorta have to.

Anyway the wall I've hit in my Byl/Alisaie fic is that I like the idea of Alisaie being impatient and overeager to "prove herself" as Bylgrael's partner after the events of late Stormblood and early Shadowbringers, partly because she's been sitting on her feelings ever since Binding Coils back in ARR but isn't sure where to start because she didn't have Alphinaud's "success" with girls in school, and partly because she's scared she'll lose her chance if she waits too long because she's acutely aware of how cruel and unfair life is. So many of her experiences with Byl have been getting through bad times or ended in tragedy, and she's desperate to have at least one unambiguously good memory with the woman she loves because she'll never forgive herself if something happens to one of them after the promise they made, and then not have anything to show for all their time together.

For Bylgrael's part, she's still in a rough place emotionally after hitting rock bottom and almost dying in Stormblood. She's definitely attracted to Alisaie and reciprocates her feelings, but recognizes that she and Alisaie were both in a dark place when they finally made things official, and remembers how rough her early relationship with Alphinaud was in similar circumstances, so she wants to sort of take stock and make sure she's doing things right this time. Combine that with Tesleen's death and how soon after that Alisaie makes her move, Byl panics and worries that she's taking advantage of Alisaie's emotional distress in order to have sex with her, which just opens the floodgates of self-loathing and anxiety to completely take Byl out of the romantic mood. She wants to give Alisaie the respect and attention she deserves but how can Byl do that when she fucked Alphinaud's brains out in the shower like two days ago, she likes to get rough and be mean in bed but she has no idea if Alisaie will like or enjoy that, they don't have as much shared history so will she ruin things between them if she makes a mistake, etc. Bylgrael adores and almost reveres Alisaie, and wants to make her happy, but is so terrified of insulting or upsetting her that Byl is paralyzed into inaction.

Meanwhile, Alisaie reacts when Bylgrael tenses up and starts doubting herself as well, along similar lines. Does she not actually feel the way I do and was just humoring me, am I being selfish and pushing when she's not ready, etc. but is also frustrated because she really does want Bylgrael's affection, she's had three years to mull it over and she's certain it's what she wants, and Byl second guessing her is insulting, especially when Byl is more openly romantic and flirty with Alphinaud. She can't force Byl, but how can they move forward as a couple when Byl is stuck in her own head thinking she's not allowed to want Alisaie.

And here's where I've hit a snag, I don't know where/how to take it from there. I originally pictured it as Alisaie takes the lead and doms/power bottoms Byl, but passivity doesn't suit Byl and it doesn't feel right for Alisaie to try and force things if Byl is clearly uncomfortable. I picture Alisaie as being more of a brat and sort of teasing out Byl's more aggressive side, but it feels like the circumstances have rendered that kind of play impossible. I almost feel like having things fizzle out and they literally sleep together being the most realistic outcome, so they can tackle sex another time when they're in a better headspace, but I'm not sure I have it in me to write that in a satisfying manner, or when that second attempt would be in the timeline. Maybe after defeating Hades? But I feel like Byl would be distracted by the news that G'raha is alright then.

I relished the idea of Bylgrael dating Alphinaud first hanging over her relationship with Alisaie and making things difficult for them, and now I'm seeing the consequences of my actions.

I've played with the idea of Alisaie reluctantly talking to Alphinaud about what to do, but I'm not sure Alisaie's pride would allow that.

[raygothops]

10/29/22

I am probably 3 weeks late on doing this. It's been a while and a lot of stuff has built up in my mind and heart. There's a lot of things that I'm doing right, and a lot more that I could be much better at, and still so much more that I want. I feel like there's so much open in front of me and I want to address all of it honestly. That's how I'm wired so that's not a surprise but the real thing is that I've reached capacity. There's only so much I can do in a given day and it's frustrating that my life doesn't have the temporal space for the multitasking I like to do. I would love to be making videos, music, and finishing my book on the side of doing med school and learning bass but that's just not realistic. Maybe this decompressed schedule will allow more multitasking but I'm also a year behind so to speak so I can't just blow off that time. I'm not even into that phase yet so I have to be more present than that. I feel present for school and somehow I feel like I've been the worst friend the last couple of weeks. It's not even that I don't care about my friends. I'm not sure if I'm overstimulated, but that's never been a thing for me. I have been struggling to eat breakfast the last couple days, which was what happened when the Ukraine situation first started. Honestly, that probably is what it is because I've had this insatiable desire to talk to my people all week that I think needs to be addressed. It didn't even hit the same way viscerally this time but my heart is with them and I'm desperate to help people because people just need help. I don't know how people are just so self-concerned with the amount of brokenness and suffering around. I know it's easier to be inactive and ignorant but how does your heart not feel the pain of the homeless, the depressed, the broken people in our lives? It's like my heart has been radicalized to service, which is quite something given where it already stood in terms of service. It probably is related to my foundational trait of striving. Fortunately, I have positive goals in life because that drive in me is insatiable at the end of the day. The benefit is that it keeps me honest about my situations because I ideally know that I could always be better in one way or another. But it also just won't go away. So here I am: wanting more for people and having next to no capacity to actually create that "more" for them. It's frustrating and somewhat disappointing for myself. I just wish I could make changes, make impact, leave that mark. It feels like I'm doing almost nothing right now. I know I am though but that's the tough part of human experience: reality for any individual is really just whatever their perspective is.

I don't even know where to go with this next part but this is a stream of consciousness post anyway, organization is literally the last thing on the list of what matters lol. Not sure I've ever put an lol in one of these before but I'm in a weird place tonight. It's not a Wash U night in the emotional sense, more in the sentimental sense. It's a Friday night and I just wish I had someone. Relationship interest is drowning me right now. People swear people are interested but there's no one I know of. The boys say it's by choice and I'm like I've never told a girl I didn't have an interest in a relationship. There's just a lot I feel I have to sort through in terms of relationships, and I feel like I'm more a nice friend to most girls than an interest. It truly is weird that girls will not necessarily like guys that may have what they're looking for. I'm just trying to love someone honestly. It's truly beginning to feel like a hole in life and I'm not sure what to do given myself and my schedule. I obviously am looking for potential partners but so much comes up when I try. I would love to have a family but nothing is guaranteed, especially nothing like that. I don't even have anyone that's really drawing interest at this point. There's only Morgan but she had the guy she's talking to/dating. She cleans up amazingly though. I just would like more time with her I guess, especially with everyone at church watching harder than the feds. Beyond her, I have an empty hand honestly. Kayla is in her own category officially like Laura but she seems more closely bonded. I highly doubt it will come from school but hopefully good grounding relationships come from school. Still not sure that I've found those people yet but I have to give it time, that's only fair. I feel the emptiness without Jess and Jaz, the silence is deafening. I wish I never had to let Jess go after that last hug, I could've held her there. I live realistically though, and she needed sleep before her life changed that following day. I need to see Bella honestly. There's a lot of people I feel that I need to see. I'm not sure what is happening in this full circle phase but so many people are coming back and my heart seems to not have forgotten any of them. It's hard to believe but that's the power of my mind I guess.

My mind. It's getting better, more than I realized. I thought maybe minor things could change with the spectrum diagnosis but I guess having it running as a background process allows my mental machine to use machine learning to make me better with my autistic struggles. It's crazy how my brain will just hammer things out without letting me know. I just am becoming more responsive and responsible with things that were long-term struggles. I guess that's why you never say never. I just want to get back in my complete flow though: mental and physical, where I can just do what I want. That's difficult in the situation I'm currently in but I'm trying anyway cause that's how I'm built. I just want to get back to testing effortlessly and then figure out the rest. Maybe it's a humility thing (surprise if that's what it is, I'm not the most humble but also not the most prideful). I just need to maintain whatever my superpower is and continue to live in my lane.

I really guess I'm looking to do pediatrics in place of neurosurgery huh. It's not even disappointment, I'm just not sure what I will be. I want to be great and in my right place though. I guess doing it for the kids will be more that just a summer camp experience. That's a long way down the road though.

I need a hug. I could use a peck on the cheek. A cuddle, a road trip, a smiling friend, a baby to hold, just something. I've been lacking, I'm trying to do my best but I'm just lacking and it sucks. I guess this is the end. The eyes are heavy and I think I've said a lot. Oh but Liliana. I hope she's doing great in Europe. I miss that girl in a crazy way I can't even believe exists for her specifically. It's not even about deserving, it's just so unexpected, but I love her a lot. She's special. Ashlete also but she's my adorable little sister. Am I better? We'll see

[leportraitducadavre]

Man, I wish Kishimoto didn't just drop the Hyuuga plot like he did after the Chunin exams. The way he ended it with Hiashi apologizing to Neji and then Neji just being friendly with Hinata/happier with his clan is so... empty to me.

I've seen posts pointing out the absurdity of Hizashi's death being painted as "for himself/freedom" and was his choice when the dude was most definitely going to die for the Main family anyway. Like, he just decided that his death for them wasn't going to be the hard way. He just accepted it.

Someone said Hiashi was emotionally manipulating Neji with his apology and I agree.

And then, as you and so many others pointed out, there's still slavery, curse marks and no equality within the Hyuuga clan. Neji just gets faux equality and that's it. That's the "beautiful change" of the Hyuuga clan. Neji isn't treated like a dog, trains with his uncle, doesn't wanna merk Hinata anymore, and then leaps to his death for her, a Main house member. Wow.

In my opinion, that apology, the dumbass fight with Naruto and training with Hiashi shouldn't have been enough to change Neji's outlook. Kind of sounds like the easy way out to simply make him another Konoha dog. He's just content with his shitty life afterwards and I hate it.

Neji is certainly smart enough to look at the context of his dad's death and go "....but he still died for Hiashi. A Main family member like his fate intended." And it's not that I wanted Neji to forever be pissed off with his life, I just wanted better for him and the other Branch members. But instead, he has the same life but just a wee bit better and he looks at it happily. WHY.

And as much as I hate Hinata's privileged, selfish ass, Neji didn't need to continue channeling all his rage towards the Main family onto her. Not for Hinata's benefit but because I'm not biased and know that she literally couldn't do anything at their young age about the slavery.

...but then again as they got older (i.e. teenagers), Hinata got worse (way more selfish acting and even more Naruto obsessed). So maybe Neji hating her again would've been alright cause I sure would've. He's still a fucking slave like so many others and she's not advocating for any change, she's just obsessing over a guy who barely remembers she exists and then has the nerve to call Neji "nii-san".

It was necessary for him to end it in such a vague way because it would be like opening a can of worms, there would have been no justice until the dismantling of the Hyuga clan -which will lead to the dismantling of the shinobi system, and that can’t be done if the objective is making NAruto thrive and get the recognition he sought for.

I've seen posts pointing out the absurdity of Hizashi's death being painted as "for himself/freedom" and was his choice when the dude was most definitely going to die for the Main family anyway. Like, he just decided that his death for them wasn't going to be the hard way. He just accepted it.

Yes, I mentioned something similar here

Someone said Hiashi was emotionally manipulating Neji with his apology and I agree.

I’m not sure if it was another person, but I’ve said that before. So I agree as well.

And as much as I hate Hinata's privileged, selfish ass, Neji didn't need to continue channeling all his rage towards the Main family onto her. Not for Hinata's benefit but because I'm not biased and know that she literally couldn't do anything at their young age about the slavery.

But why are we asking Neji, a thirteen-year-old boy, a slave, to be logical and don't hate Hinata when she's someone who benefits from his enslavement and position as a Main Family member? Why are we being so harsh on him for lashing out to her and not on her when she acknowledges the reason for his anger only to brush it off (almost mockingly, as well). We excuse Hinata's inaction because she was "too young", but isn't he also too young as to understand to whom he should be directing his anger?

Furthermore, Neji told her to forfeit multiple times and she refused each time -his monologue about her weakness wasn't untruthful and it isn't something he hadn't heard before (the Hyuga clan's dogma literally educated him to believe that something as destiny exists, since because Hizashi was born after Hiashi, he was bound to obey him or get punished for his disobedience, as was his son). So how come is cruel of Neji to say those things when he believes them to be true because it's what happened to his father and to him? He can't force his own destiny because he'll never be allowed to disobey Hiashi -or Hinata.

He lashes out towards her because she's the only one there and who is in the same context as him. He wouldn't be able to touch Hiashi even if he wanted to (which he does, he also hates Hiashi), because not only Hiashi is the current leader, but he's also an experienced Jönin. And let's not forget that he was marked on her birthday -meaning, he's her slave.

So maybe Neji hating her again would've been alright cause I sure would've. He's still a fucking slave like so many others and she's not advocating for any change, she's just obsessing over a guy who barely remembers she exists and then has the nerve to call Neji "nii-san".

But again, why would she advocate for a change when she's not interested in such a thing happening? Nothing interests her outside her love for Naruto and her need to get acknowledged by him. Furthermore, she gets to have bodyguards; and she doesn't seem uncomfortable with the thought of them being punished if she gets hurt (to the point where she jumps in to fight non-other than Pein -who obliterated Konoha on his own).

[bloededhoine]

world building cause twn doesn't part 12: the hen ichaer

i realize i've been mentioning the hen ichaer without really explaining it, and for that i apologize. but without further ado, let's go

colour code cause i fucking love colour codes - already happened/introduced, probably s2, important background info, stuff that might be in the prequel, extras

series masterpost

general

the hen ichaer is basically a magical gene that originated with the elven sorceress, scholar, and princess, lara dorren aep shiadhal

it can lie dormant or inactive for generations, but when someone is an activated carrier of the gene, they are called a source

sources have an insane capability for magic, it's so intense that without instruction they are a huge danger to themselves and/or others. remember pavetta's betrothal feast? hurricanes should not happen indoors

same thing with ciri's sonic scream.

obviously, the hen ichaer is highly weaponize-able, but it's difficult to put this into theory since the magic is so strong that it can easily kill the person who carries it

most important is that the hen ichaer can open ard gaeth, the gates between worlds. you may remember that the witcher is a multiverse, and the continent is just one of countless worlds

aen elle

the aen elle, elves who live in another world called tir ná lia, controlled at least one gate that they used to get slaves from other worlds

however, this was before the hen ichaer was seriously studied. unicorns are also capable of opening ard gaeth, and were present in tir ná lia, so the aen elle would kidnap them to be used as their world-hopping-genocide key. yeah, the aen elle are seriously fucked

the king of the aen elle was named auberon muircetach, and he was very well known for his wars with the unicorns, who weren't too keen on being enslaved for the purpose of conquering other worlds

the hen ichaer came into play when auberon noticed that his daughter, lara dorren, had pretty intense magical abilities. like, ard gaeth opening abilities.

auberon, lara, and a few other elves began studying the gene and trying to figure out how it works and how to use it.

through this study is how we got the title aen saevherne, which is used to distinguish an elven mage with extensive knowledge of history, science, magic, and, most importantly, the elder blood.

both lara and auberon were aen saevherne, as was lara's husband-to-be, avallac'h, and avallac'h's foster son, caranthir ar-feiniel

ithlinne's prophecy

ithlinne aegli aep aevenien was an elven prophet known for her incredibly dark prophecies that she delivered at totally random times. how dark were they? ithlinne's prophecies were almost exclusively about the death of all humanity and/or the end of the world. she was fun at parties.

anyway, when we talk about ithlinne we really only mean one specific prophecy, aen ithlinnespeath. to be confusing it's usually referred to as ithlinne's prophecy

here's the prophecy itself:

Verily I say unto you, the era of the sword and axe is nigh, the era of the wolf's blizzard. The Time of the White Chill and the White Light is nigh, the Time of Madness and the Time of Contempt: Tedd Deireádh, the Time of End. The world will die amidst frost and be reborn with the new sun. It will be reborn of Elder Blood, of Hen Ichaer, of the seed that has been sown. A seed which will not sprout but burst into flame. Ess'tuath esse! Thus it shall be! Watch for the signs! What signs these shall be, I say unto you: first the earth will flow with the blood of Aen Seidhe, the Blood of Elves...

what does that mean? well, the white chill (aka the white frost) is a massive ice age that has been approaching the continent for years. don't believe me? the white frost has destroyed countless worlds in the past, and it literally cannot be stopped. the only way to save the world is by the power of the hen ichaer.

here's a perfectly frightening visual of the white frost

ithlinne didn't elaborate on the how, but we now know that the only to survive the white frost is by finding a new world and massively evacuating the continent through ard gaeth, which can only be opened by the power of the hen ichaer.

genetics

clearly, the hen ichaer is important enough to literally save, or end, the world, but the aen elle did a famously terrible job of studying it. like, you'd think they'd be good at that, but no. to their credit, it is a bit complicated

first, there are multiple types of elder blood genes, the main gene, the latent gene, and the activator gene. to actually show the powers of the hen ichaer, someone would need to either have one latent and one activator, or the main gene.

let's go back to secondary school biology for a second, remember punnet squares? these fuckers

the letters in a punnet square represent a genotype, or the two alleles that are inherited from the parents. phenotypes, on the other hand, are what you see on the outside. for example, a genotype would be Aa but a phenotype would be brown eyes.

while the main gene is a simple dominant allele (shown by a capital letter on a punnet square), both the latent and activator genes are semi-dominant, meaning that when they meet they create a new phenotype: the innate magical ability that makes you a source.

it gets a little less scientific here so bear with me; this new phenotype is so powerful that it sometimes creates a whole new genotype. so instead of having one activator gene and one latent gene, the two would merge and you'd be left with only one (very powerful) main gene. this is the only single gene that actually has magic and it's a dominant gene, so you only need to have one to have the power.

but, the latent and activator genes don't always combine. you still have the full powers when they stay separate, but it is then less likely to pass the hen ichaer your children.

complicated? very much so. but in practice it's a lot easier.

for simplicity's sake i'll call the activator gene g/a, latent gene g/L, main gene g/m and a regular nonmutated gene g/r. to be a source, the genes you inherit would be g/a g/L, but they may combine to be just g/m. your average person would be g/r g/r and a carrier would be either g/a g/r or g/L g/r.

clearly, this makes tracking it pretty messy, since generations of people can be carriers without having a single source

tracking the hen ichaer

for now, let's do what those elven sages couldn't and track then hen ichaer, starting with lara dorren

eventually, lara met an exceptionally talented human mage, cregennan of lod, and they were lab partners (oh my god they were lab partners) in the study of the hen ichaer.

eventually, lara met an exceptionally talented human mage, cregennan of lod, and they were lab partners (oh my god they were lab partners) in the study of the hen ichaer.

for all the studying, lara and cregennan's own genes have always been something of a mystery. elven mages don't tend to have any issues with using themselves as lab rats, so it's entirely possible that lara and cregennan, knowingly or not, mutated their own genes in their research.

ultimately, it doesn't matter what lara and cregennan's genes originally were. by some happy little accident, the two eventually ended up with at least one activator gene and at least one latent gene between them.

later, when lara and cregennan made their own happy little accident, riannon, she inherited one of each gene (g/a g/L), making her a source. however, riannon's genes did not combine as the elves expected, which made her a little harder to study.

riannon eventually met king goidemar of temeria (g/r g/r), and they had two children named fiona and amavet. i'll start with fiona, who the aen elle managed to figure out had the latent gene, making her g/L r

fiona ended up having a baby with king coram II of cintra (g/r g/r), they named him corbett, and he inherited fiona's g/L and one of coram's g/r.

the aen elle lost track of the hen ichaer when they studied riannon's other kid amavet. see, amavet was kind of a whore. he had twins, muriel and crispin, with the married countess anna kameny. obviously, these children weren't legitimate, and when the angry count kameny murdered amavet a few months later, he was officially childless

the elves did, however, manage to figure out that amavet had riannon's g/a gene and goidemar's g/r gene. anna kameny was just g/r g/r, and crispin ended up being g/r g/r as well. destiny does favour the hen ichaer, but sometimes it's just not meant to be. muriel, on the other hand, did inherit her father's activator gene and was g/a g/r.

let's hop back to corbett, fiona and coram's g/L g/r son. he and princess elen of kaedwen (g/r g/r) had a son, dagorad, who got corbett's latent gene and one of elen's regular ones, meaning he was g/L g/r

muriel married robert of garramore (g/r g/r), and their daughter adalia, the dramatically posed lady right there, had the same genetic combination as her mother, g/a g/r

this is where it gets even weirder

the lovely adalia married dagorad. her second cousin. they shared riannon as their great grandmother. feel better in the fact that it was not intentional, adalia's mother, muriel, was not officially riannon's granddaughter. no one would have even known, but adalia's g/a met up with dagorad's g/L in their daughter, calanthe

for the first time since riannon, the hen ichaer was back, and calanthe's parents genes combined to give her g/m g/r

while it took generations of destiny and accidental incest to make the hen ichaer happen again, now that calanthe had the main gene there was a 50% chance she would pass it to her child, which, of course, she did

calanthe and her husband roegner (g/r g/r) had pavetta, who inherited the g/m from her mother. no one knew about this until pavetta literally created a source hurricane, and was already pregnant

pavetta and duny's (g/r g/r) daughter, ciri, inherited the main gene from her mother and was a source.

sources

it's important to note that a source is not necessarily an incredibly powerful sorcerer, merely a person who has the genetic predisposition required to channel very intense magic

sources, like anyone else, can be bad students, allergic to potions, or just generally averse to magic on all levels except heredity. there is also no way to guarantee that even the most willing source will be good at using magic, in fact it's far more common that they will be really really bad at it. sources are extra susceptible to the chaotic state of magic in the world, and many end up pretty seriously harmed by it.

magical talent tends to make itself known in very emotional situations, like the death of a parent or a war. the same applies for sources, but they have an extra rule: their full powers are off limits until they lose their virginities

now, netflix has not mentioned that rule to be true or false, but i'm going to think of it as strictly book/game/etc canon, because ciri is 10 years old when netflix shows her using her source powers for the first time

the virginity rule makes things even more complicated, as customs about premarital sex are pretty strict in the witcher world (well, among nobility), and the dudes didn't seem to have fast reflexes. what i'm saying is that getting pregnant the first time you had sex was not uncommon. sources couldn't even use, and likely weren't aware of, their powers until they were already passing them on to another generation.

and even still, there is no guarantee that someone who is a source will ever actually show their powers. calanthe had the genetics, but she wasn't a mage. what happened? we don't really know. after calanthe married, cintra was pretty peaceful; there were no invasions or massive upheavals that could put enough stress on her to show her powers. plus, her parents didn't know she had any magical powers, so they didn't give her the training that would develop them, and she was a very level headed person who would likely be unaffected by many of the things that would make another source lose their shit.

[inlovewithaspider]

So...I'm back ig???

Hiii!!!

I guess I kinda owe you all an explanation, cause I've been gone for almost two years lmao

It all started as a small break from social media because a lot of stuff was happening in my life and it was taking a toll on me, but then my father died, so...I had to take some more time for myself

Then my last year of high school started and I barely had any time to be online and also my mental health wasn't great, both because of the stress of school and what had happened with my dad (I had a great relationship with him, he was literally like a best friend to me, so it's been hard)

And this summer has been crazy because I had to move out (cause I'm in college now hehe), so I didn't really think about coming back

My mental health is still pretty bad, especially because of college (it's hard lmao) and because I'm obviously still grieving, but I've decided to come back little by little

Now, my taste and hobbies have changed a bit lmao

I still like what I used to like but not on the same level

I'm mostly focused on playing games (especially Genshin Impact, Stardew Valley and Hades hehe) and watching anime (my fav is Hunter x Hunter)

I might do a list with some other stuff so you'll know what I like and unfollow me if you're not interested and/or maybe find more mutuals hehe

I still love Mark, Jack and Thomas very much, so I'll continue to post about them and also about Good Omens season two when it comes out

I'm not that into bands anymore, but I still love music very much, so I might recommend some of the stuff I listen to from time to time

Anyway, I'm super happy to be back and I'm so sorry for being so inactive, I still love all the friends I made here and if you are still around, message me! I'd love to catch up with you <3

That's basically it, I'll mostly just like and reblog stuff at the beginning, but as time goes by I'd love to be as active as I used to be

I'll probably change my name too, Idk when or to what, but I'll post about it so y'all know it's still me hehe

- Angel😌💕