#id say ill do day 27 later

[aditublog]

my writing - dota - fictober day 28

"We all have our reasons." The Tusk sat on the ground, leaning against a tree, while he held a fishing rod in one hand. Behind him, a makeshift tent was spanned and a fireplace had been built, though no fire was burning.

“And what is your reason to be out here alone?” It had been coincidence that the Bristleback had stumbled upon Ymir. He hadn’t been looking for him, not yet anyway, though he had been puzzled when the Tusk hadn’t entered the bar they had met in during the last evenings.

“I like the quiet.” Especially compared to the sound level of a bar, this place was deadly silent. It wasn’t, there were animals, there was the wind and the water. But it was nothing like a room crowded with all kinds of creatures, all of them drunk.

“Isn’t it lonely?” The Bristleback decided to stay for a while, since the Tusk didn’t appear to leave his spot anytime soon. He sat down and stretched his legs out in front of him.

They both stared above the water of the small lake.

“Rigwarl, what do you want?” Ymir asked after a few minutes.

The Bristleback shrugged. “To keep you company.”

“Why?”

It wasn’t his intention to tell the truth, but the words were out of his mouth before he could stop them: “It is awfully boring in the bar without you.”

The Tusk laughed, the sound way too loud in this place. Then he reeled the fishing line in and turned towards the Bristleback. “Really? One evening without a fight and you are already bored?”

Another shrug. “What can I say, I like fighting. And against you at least it is a challenge.”

“Thank you for the compliment. I’ll be back tomorrow, today I will enjoy the quiet of this place.” Ymir hesitated, but then he continued. “You are welcome to stay but I won’t fight with you, so it might be even more boring than the bar.”

Now that he was here, Rigwarl thought he didn’t necessarily need a fight. Maybe it hadn’t been boredom that had made him leave the bar when Ymir hadn’t shown up, at least not only. That was a truth he wouldn’t admit, though. Instead he frowned. “I think I’ll survive one evening without a fight. For once.”

Ymir’s low chuckle rumbled in his chest. Then he gave Rigwarl the fishing rod. “Here, try to catch a fish so we have something to eat. I haven’t been lucky so far.”

Rigwarl had never held a fishing rod before and Ymir was clearly amused by that. Then he showed him what to do. It was the first time since the two had known each other that they were not fighting. The first time they talked instead of throwing insults back and forth. It was still a bit boring, nothing was better than a fight against a worthy opponent, but it wasn’t too bad, either. Especially when he caught a fish and Ymir grinned. The Tusk reached out as if to clap him on the back, then pulled his hand away.

“Bad idea,” he laughed. “I’ll only impale my hand on one of your spikes. I know how that feels.”

Rigwarl laughed as well. Yes, they were familiar with each other in that regard.

[autumnsnuggling]

Singleness and Sickness

I was struck by single parent drarry vibes and... here we are. Sickfic. Thanks to @rockmarina for all the incredible help! Also on AO3

The floo chimed at precisely 14:27, and if he hadn’t been so preoccupied preventing a human pile-up in his living room, Harry would have jumped for joy.

It was Saturday. A day of no school. A day for family. A day—theoretically—for lie-ins. But, as with every other Saturday since Albus had begun school, within only a few hours, his youngest son had crept up on him—this time whilst he was using the little boys room; he’d almost missed the toilet he'd jumped so badly—and lamented the fact he missed his best friend, bottom lip dangerously aquiver. So, once again, Harry had been forced to call Malfoy to ask if Scorpius could come to tea. He really should start pre-arranging these things. But thankfully, at long last, Scorpius was arriving, meaning Harry could finally stop worrying Albus was accidentally going to set James’ head on fire… Like he'd done last time...

The green flames had barely receded before Albus had surged forward and grabbed the hand of the still dizzy Mini-Malfoy.

“Hi Mr Harry!” Scorpius chirped, barely sparing Harry a glance as Albus dragged him away. “Thank you for having me! And thanks Papa, see you later!”

“Honestly,” Harry smirked, shaking his head as the pair scurried away. “You’d have thought they’d been apart for a month, not 17 hours.”

“It's eighteen, actually,” Malfoy muttered so quietly he was barely audible.

“Oh, of course, how silly of me. That extra hour makes all the difference.”

“It does, Potter,” Malfoy sighed, a bone-weary exhausted sound that was nothing like the sarcastic remark he’d usually make.

“What’s up with you?” Harry rounded on him. “Oh my god, Malfoy, you look like hell! What are you doing here?”

“I’b fide,” he rasped, watery eyes shuttering closed as he pinched the bridge of his ruby nose.

“Sure. And I’m tall and blonde. Sit down, for heaven’s sake, you look like you’re about to keel over.”

“It’s just a cold, Potter,” Malfoy protested, shuffling towards the sofa all the same. “I just deed sobe Pepper-up add I’ll be right as raid id do tibe—ohhh.” He all but crumpled into the sofa.

“You know, when you sound like you’re having an orgasm from just sitting down, it slightly undermines your claims, Malfoy,” Harry said, raising an eyebrow to the pathetic excuse for a glare being shot his way.

“I’b—”

“An idiot, yes, I’m aware. Why didn’t you just say you were ill? I’d have come and picked him up. You know what,” Harry waved his hand as Malfoy opened his mouth. “Don’t answer. It’s not worth it. Just stay there while I make you some tea and grab you some Pepper-up, and then you can go rest in the spare room until you’ve recovered.”

“I dod’t deed—”

“This is not a discussion, Malfoy. And for the love of God, put this on, you’re shaking like a leaf.”

Throwing a blanket his way, Harry rolled his eyes once again and set about collecting everything he needed, muttering under his breath the whole time. If it wasn’t for the fact that the twat looked like he was about to permanently melt into the sofa, Harry would have happily hurled the vial at his head.

“Here,” he thrust the tea and Pepper-up none-too-patiently at him. “And don’t you dare think about protesting.”

“Fide,” Malfoy grouched, accepting the potion with a wince. “Thadk you, Potter.”

“You’re welcome. Now be a good boy and drink your tea.”

Smirking at the watery glare Malfoy gave him, Harry left to set up the spare room—double checking the boys were playing nicely along the way—before returning to collect his now coughing and spluttering charge.

“Would you mind dying a little more quietly? You’re kind of ruining the happy aura I’ve worked hard to create in my home.”

“Fuck you, Potter,” Malfoy gasped.

“I’d say ‘fuck me yourself, you coward’ but you definitely won’t have the energy for that.” His smirk widened to a grin as splutters anew abounded. “Come on; bedtime.”

“Potter, really, I do appreciate it, but I—”

“Never know when to ask for help and are too uptight of an arsehole to accept it when you need it?” Harry asked innocently. Malfoy just glared.

“Thought so. Get up the stairs.”

*

He hadn’t meant to fall asleep—he hadn’t even meant to lay down. He’d just planned to sit and enjoy the quiet for an hour or so before feigning a full recovery and relieving Potter of his nursing duties. Yet as soon as Potter had left him in the soft, cosy room, somehow, head had found pillow, quilt had become cocoon, and all had gone dark. Now, Merlin only knew how much later, the chinks of light framing the window had disappeared and all was quiet.

Bollocks. There'd be no escape from Potter's smug smirk now.

Still, he had to admit as he pulled himself up, out of bed, and attempted to tame his sleep-mussed hair—did those strands at the back need to stand on end every chance they got?—the sleep had done him good. Gone was the pressure in his sinuses and the aches and pains that had ravaged him, and no more did the thought of facing the exuberant Potter-brood fill him with dread. Though, given that he didn't have a clue where his son was, a rowdy James, sneaky Albus, and happily squealing Lily were the least of his worries. He knew Scorpius would be fine, of course—Potter was nothing if not an attentive and loving father. But even with Albus to distract him, he could be an anxious child, and he wouldn't have anticipated the sudden change of plans.

With a final ineffective smooth of his rumpled t-shirt, he descended downstairs—thankfully far quicker than he’d managed to ascend them— and was pleased to find the world no longer began spinning after 10 seconds. But after a thorough check of every room, he was no closer to finding Scorpius or any of the Potters.

The entire floor was deserted, silent as a mouse hiding from a prowling kneazle, and tidy to boot. Sure, there was evidence of a colouring session, an enthusiastic sword-fight, and a family meal having taken place, but everything had been stacked into little piles or already washed and left to dry, like someone had gone setting the house to rights. Like he did every night after Scorpius had gone to bed. Which could only mean the day was over. Which was ludicrous, surely. He'd barely blinked! And he had a child to take home and put to bed, and a chicken for dinner defrosting on the side, and a load of laundry to finish!

Tripping back up the darkened staircase, sounds of soft laughter drew him further into the house, towards a door decorated with baby hippogriffs; clearly the boys' room. If he didn't know better, Draco would have sworn Potter had convinced his sons to adore the things for a bloody good laugh. But as the unmistakable sounds of a bedtime story trickled into the hallway and he caught a glimpse of the scene inside, even his hatred for the hippoglets flitting to and fro dangerously close to his privates couldn't stop him from grinning.

In the middle of the floor stood a proud—if haphazardly thrown together—blanket fort, offering cozy shelter to the entire Potter family and his son. As Potter read from a book he'd never heard of, Lily snoozed on his lap, James gazed over one shoulder, eyes alight with wonder, and Albus and Scorpius curled together under the blankets on his other side, looking suspiciously like they were holding hands. Like every good story-teller, Potter was throwing his voice for each different character, much to the obvious delight of all around, and fairy lights gently glowed and dimmed softly overhead. But no matter how entertaining Potter seemed to be, Scorpius’ eyes fought to close, a gorgeous sleepy smile settling on his face.

Like the utter sap he was, Draco was caught, insolent feet fusing to the floor as Scorpius slipped to sleep before his eyes—though how he managed it to the tune of Potter's abysmal attempts at a Scottish accent, for apparently that's what Candice the caterpillar was, he would never know. For all the money in the world, he couldn’t have done anything but lean against the door frame, grinning like a loon. In fact, so entranced was he that even as story time came to a cose and James and Albus hugged and kissed their father goodnight, it didn’t even occur to him to move. Only when Potter himself was heading for the door did his legs finally come to life again. But not before they'd practically collided, of course.

“P—Potter,” he quickly stepped back.

“Malfoy! I didn't know you were—”

“Sorry, I—I should have… I didn’t want to…”

“No, listen, I’m sorry,” Potter rushed. “I should have asked if Scorpius could sleep over, but I didn’t want to wake you. You just looked, well, bloody awful earlier, actually, so I just thought it would be better to have a sleepover. But I should have woken you and I’m sorry that I didn’t ask, and—”

“Potter!” Merlin, but he was the living embodiment of a headache, Draco grinned to himself. “Thank you.”

“Oh.” A crooked smile slipped onto Potter's face.

“Besides, I should be the one apologising—”

“What? No, you—”

“I'm the one that just dumped my child on you and collapsed in your spare room for hours on end—”

“Malfoy—”

“I don't even know how it came to that!”

“Well you were—”

“I knew I was tired and had had a few restless nights—”

“And then came down with the worst cold in history—”

“But even so, I really shouldn't have just—”

“Draco!”

He blinked, cheeks suddenly feeling vaguely feverish once more.

“You’re welcome.”

“Oh.” What an eloquent nitwit he'd become. “Right. Yeah.” And since when did Potter's eyes twinkle, for Morgana's sake? “Thank you… Potter.” He swallowed again, lips curling tentatively as Potter’s smile grew wider, setting his heart aquiver—definitely still feeling a little off, then. “Um, you should probably put Lily to bed…”

“You should learn to ask for help more often,” Potter said, moving towards another door all the same, this one decorated with brooms zipping around.

“Oh shut up, you wanker.”

“Ommm!” Potter mock gasped as he settled Lily in her cot. “You said a bad word!”

“You truly are a walking headache, you know that?” he snipped quietly, only to make Potter snort harder.

“Well, just remember that the next time you have a headache, you can call and ask for Scorpius to come over, alright?” Potter said, the hush of his voice in no way masking his distinctly dad-like tone as he adjusted Lily's door. “I'll even come and get him. You… you don't have to do everything on your own, you know.”

His mouth ran dry as emerald eyes bored into his.

“I—” he spluttered. “What makes you think—? Of course I know that— Stop being preposterous, Potter!” he hissed, smoothing down his shirt once more. “I thank you sincerely for your concern, but I can assure you that Scorpius and I are…” Potter glared. “I mean, really, it was really just a… And—and we're perfectly— Oh, stop looking at me like that!” he sniffed as Potter—bloody scarheaded stupid Harry freaking Potter—put his hands on his hips. The bastard only raised his eyebrows in response.

“Fine!” he threw his hands up in the air. “Scorp and I would really appreciate that, thank you,” he rushed.

“Good,” Potter clipped, before dropping the disapproving mother glare. “Don't make me make you pinky promise to call if you need it.”

“Oh fuck off!” he hissed, making Potter smile. “I will, I'm just… I'm not used to that being an option, what with being a single dad with no parents and being, well, me,” he sighed. “And I hope you know that taking you up on this could essentially mean Scorpius basically moving in.”

“And yet it still wouldn't be enough for Albus,” Potter chuckled.

“No, probably not," he grinned. "Or Scorpius, come to think of it. I think he'd riot if I tried to make him stay away on a Saturday.”

“Maybe we should just bite the bullet and move in together,” Potter sniggered.

“Can you imagine?” he laughed, shaking his head.

But as Potter glanced in at their peacefully sleeping boys once more—looking so besotted it was disturbed his still-sensitive stomach—Draco realised that that actually, he could. He could imagine it far too well.

Oh, fuck.

[fmdjaewonarchive]

event post time lets goooooo. as usual, under the cut there will be some general ideas for event, pls like this post or slide into my ims/dscrd if u wanna plot! i’m trying to be as detailed as possible but like, there is a lot going on, this list probs won’t be exhaustive. i’m also open to p much anything so pls don’t feel limited to any of these plots!! im down for anything!!! either way, continue below the cut if u wanna know more ab what my kids are getting up to (any dates that arent specified i just... didn’t decide on anything and am open to Absolutely anything):

JAEWON: 

general: backstage at the concerts is v welcome for any of the days, just idk, hanging out, i’m tryna keep this v general. pros: jaewon is p proud for unity snatching one of the three closing performance slots, dimensions’ pride indeed. cons: he probably has his tits out, jaewon always has his tits out on stage, he rlly lives like this. anyone is allowed to feel whatever way he wants ab either of those two things.

dec 26: jaewon pulls a blue card cuz sexy pool montage of jaewon. ok im kidding (kinda). idk, kick his ass at games, team up w him to crush the competition,  drown his stupid ass, literally anything.

dec 26: so SOMEONE learned his lesson from the halloween party, no alcohol at the ball for him. come clown him w/ memories of that night (he sure doesnt have any) or idk, try to talk him into drinking (he won’t)

dec 26: in general, i think jaewon might forego most of the party, just find a quiet spot to hang out, look at the sea or some fake deep shit. if anyone is feeling up to it come hang out w him and, idk, reflect on the past year. it’s a time for realizing stuff. (the muse in question would have to b somewhat close to jaewon for this but like im always down to plot that out!)

dec 27: idk, jaewon will probably forego most of the traveling and exploring, opt for a calm day on board instead, anything re: that is super welcome.

dec 28: jaewon ends up in team red for the day so like, kitchen antics w/ jaewon. he’s a surprisingly good cook (shoutout to grandma park, the real og, for kicking this idiot into the kitchen since a young age)

dec 30: jaewon pulls blue again and... you’d think he wouldn’t be as disgruntled about it? someone pls kick his shins till he accepts going to the spa isn’t such a bad thing sir just relax for one (1) day it will Not kill you

YUANJUN: 

dec 26:  yuanjun pulls a yellow card cuz dancing king xiao yuanjun sure as hell is fucking involved in this god damn flashmob sUE ME. local enthusiastic dance teacher, will annoy anyone who Doesn’t Want To Be There into having fun and partaking, cutely messing around w people who are having a good time anything you need him to!

dec 26: in their free time after that he’ll def drag someone along to come explore the ship with him so like!!! will they get lost? possibly, but it will be Fun

dec 26: someone decorate sugar cookies w him at the holiday ball pLEASE

dec 27: yuanjun is DEFINTELY exploring the hecc out of taipei, grab dinner w him, go late night shopping w him, sightseeing, ANYTHING

dec 28: he pulls yellow again so you know how it is, photo session at the zoo, you just know he’s going to vibing so hard taking pictures of animals. whether they succeed or not i’m not decided on, im down for either way tbh

29 dec: YUANJUNS BDAY BITCHESSSSSS. ill probs write up an open ab this, but he’s !!!! going to be so annoying the entire day, he WILL be acting like bc has organized this entire thing Just for his 21st bday and u can’t stop him (you can try tho, feel free to attempt and burst his bubble). again, i’ll do a general open for this but if anyone wants to do anything specific for his bday let me kno uwu

30 dec: this time he ends up w a red card and he will be whining and pouting about his, he rlly has to clean up? the day after his birthday? preposterous how dARE they

31 dec: firework go boom and yuanjun WILL be endlessly fascinated by it, idk man why do we let him look at dangerous explosive things. this isn’t an idea but? it could be? i think? idk man

MINAH: 

general: someone that teams up w/ minah and makes a pact to try every restaurant on the ship at least once,,, good food is important okay

dec 26: minah pulls blue and... why do they expect her to play pool games? idk man she’s just going to be worried ab people cuz pls don’t drown children. also good luck if u are on a team w her for anything, you’ll probs lose

dec 26: someone,,, come make,,, gingerbread houses w minah,,, i just think it’d be neat,,, pls i need this

dec 26: minah will mourn not having like a classic christmas at home watching stupid movies and shit, someone that sets up some kind of small tradition w her at the ball to make up for it?

dec 28: minah pulls red and wow kitchen work w minah thats neat she knows how to cook this will be easy WRONG ur stuck w her and shes a huge control freak and will correct every little thing you do and jesus christ woman leave them ALONE they’re TRYING

dec 30: minah pulls red,,, again,,, and tbh this time she won’t be as annoying, just some therepeutic cleaning, if ur muse complains ab it tho she might lecture them. alternatively: ur muse pulled yellow and they think they’re being casual but minah calls them out cuz “hey i didnt see u around before have u been slacking???”

dec 31: minahs baby sister minji is attending the busan concert and minah will be over the moon about it, odds are she will chat ur muses’ ear off ab it backstage, sorry not sorry!

YENA:

general: first things first, yena doesn’t have a roommate yet so like,,, any female-presenting muses hit me UPPPP 

general: yena will be complaining backstage at the concerts tbh, she’s tryna celebrate a vacation here why does she have to WORK, does anyone really care to see gal.actic perform anyway?

dec 26: yena pulls red and has to help decorating which honestly she’ll enjoy but i also just need someone to playfully fuck around w her cuz yena doesnt Do excessive labor and instead decorate her in tinsel instead because yes, yena IS the main attraction here thank you

dec 26: yena WILL spend most of the holiday ball in the indoor pool, chilling in a jacuzzi w a glass of champagne or smth, real hot girl shit, you know how it is

dec 28: lucky queen pulls blue which means she gets to go shopping, it also means she’s going to try and scam someone into spending their money on buying her pretty things, whether she’s succesful or not

dec 30: this time. yena is on team yellow and she ends up later tagging along to the spa day and tbh, id like to think she’d do a pretty convincing job at it, acting queen nam yena pop off

dec 31: if u think yena will see the new year sober ur WRONG and truly u should know better, if there is any night she goes stupid crazy its this night just saying

jan 1: god she’s going to complain the living FUCK outta the day cuz of that god damn fansign, in part cuz shes hangover and part cuz ew who even is a gal.actic stan in 2020. either join her in her complaining or lecture her ab being thankful for fans or smth!

[tvdversefanfiction]

Since i have done this 30day challenge on two of my other pages it was about time I did it for this page, starting firstly with The Vampire Diaries, The Originals and Legacies will soon follow I promise.

So if you do not already no I have zero chill and zero patience so instead of 30 days I just do it all in one go 😂 feel free to sound off in the comments with your opinions, open to reading others' opinions and share in the love for this fandom 💖

1 - Klaus Mikaelson 💖 my king, my heart, the unrequited love of my life (fictional ofcourse)

2 - (in order) Caroline Forbes 👑 Rebekah Mikaelson 👑 Katherine Pierce 👑

3 - Klaroline, always and forever 😍

4 - Bamon or Stexi 🤔 although Stexi was definitely a more loyal friendship and I didnt want them together as a couple like I did Bamon

5 - Claire Holt, Love her to pieces, love her interviews and her post and pre TVD and TO work as an actress.

6 - Joseph Morgan, my husband in my fantasies only 💖 fantastic actor who I cannot wait to see what he does next 😍

7 - Daniel Gillies and Paul Wesley, their bromance is both adorable, authentic and slightly homoerotic 🙊😈

8 - Bamon or Elenijah, Bamon id have legit loved to see as endgame over Delena anyday and Elenijah I'd have love to have seen explored at least.

9 - Although neither the originals or Katherine were in every episode they were far from secondary in my mind, so in terms of secondary I'd say Lexi for sure.

10 - 2 and/or 3, most of the originals arc and Katherine stuff was peak TVD for me.

11 - The 100th episode for so many reasons, the nostalgic lookback at previous characters, Klaroline finally getting it on, a Mebekah reunion and lots of Katherine 👑

12 - He is your first love, I intend to be your last 💖 Klaroline was all kinds of epic and how poetic is it that she wound up being his last love💔

13 - Caroline singing at her mothers funeral 💔

14 - Elena, I know she went through alot but who didn't in the TVDverse, she was the victim and stayed within that role from beginning to end and god was she depressing to watch. She was also largely hypocritical with her judgements over things she too was guilty off 🙄 the fact I loathe her and love Katherine shows the incredible acting range of Nina Dobrev though 💖

15 - Stefan, he is like Angel with the Angelus edge, id say the male elena but that would be harsh as he didnt piss me off nearly as much 😂 he was alright I suppose I just didnt care for him that much, if he died early I'd have been like meh! I couldnt buy evil stefan either instead it made me cringe which is weird because Paul Wesley plays unhinged so well in Tell me a story...oh and also Stefan killed Enzo, not once but twice and he can only blame the humanity switch for one of those kills 😡

16 - i did ship Delena till they got together and lost all their magic, i never shipped Stelena but they did suit each other better than Delena or the very ill advised Steroline which should have stayed a friendship! Bonnie and Jeremy made absolute no sense and had zero chemistry so on those grounds id say those two or Steroline, Steroline itches me up the wrong way the most tbf.

17 - Elena and Caroline, Caroline was the better friend hands down for both Bonnie and Elena but Elena always seemed harsher to Caroline and yet couldnt handle it when Caroline gave her tough love back especially over Delena which tbh Caroline was right....IMO anyways.

18 - I cannot say Candice, Nina, Kat or Claire are anything but amazing actresses so I would never say any of them...maybe the actress who played Liv Parker, she was always kind of one note to me although not terrible but nowhere near as good as the others....I could probably later think of someone else but for now I'll go with her.

19 - Zach Roerig, a typical answer from fans I've noticed but he was just so blah for 8 full seasons I totally get why Im not alone here...also so far him and Steven McQueen are the only ones from TVD to appear in Legacies...Jeremy's cameo i didnt mind, Matts however...like when is he going to die and stay dead already? Sorry matt fans 😂

20 - A good chunk of episodes in season 7, didnt like Elena but didn't like TVD without Elena...would've loved the actress to stay on and either play another role or make Katherine come back preferably 🤩

21 - Most of them I started liking then hating, or hating to liking then back to hating 😂 I dont think I hated anyone from beginning then loved them by the end so ill just give a love to hate, Alaric...I liked him in early seasons but thought he came to a natural end when he died...from 6 onwards after he came back he lost any appeal and felt like he was just there to have another dead ex, then to cockblock Steroline which tbf was a good deed but still didnt revive him 🤣 and I full out despise him in Legacies but I'll dig deeper into that come a Legacies themed version of this challenge 😂

22 - Damon wins hands down here, loved him in the pilot, love turned to like as the show went on and then Delena happened and completely destroyed his chracter, Bamon gave him a much needed revival but Elena soon dragged him down once more...his live for her was obsessive to me, unhealthy and toxic and he couldnt cope without it. BAMON would've fixed all this IMO

23 - Okay stick with me here as this one has multiple answers for me...I'd have rathered Caroline or Bonnie as the main character alongside the salvatores than Elena so thats answer one. Answer two would be I'd have loved Katherine to have been the mainstay doppelganger instead of Elena. Answer three would be more flashbacks of Lexi and her life away from the Salvatores would have been interesting. Last answer, Rebekah should have been in more episodes both on this and TO but I'll probs get more into that when I do TO.

24 - The romances, the vampires, the villains and the aesthetic of Mystic Falls 😍 if you follow my other pages you know obsessed im obsessed with the supernatural genre 🥰

25 - Too much time centred around Delena and Stelena, which I know was the main story of this show their love triangle but it didnt have to be...

26 - Elena daggering Rebekah, my heart broke for Rebekah and hardened towards Elena...her biggest hypocritical move of many too!

27 - Heres one so this post isnt all bashing poor Elena 🤣 i love when Elena and Stefan wind up drinking in that bar together having a good time as friends...honestly wouldnt habe minded more scenes centered on this friendship.

28 - Klaroline getting together in the woods and/or the Klaroline moment in the last episode where he donates money to the boarding school...tbh any Klaroline moment 💖

29 - Liz's death and funeral, my heart breaks for Caroline everytime and Damon too, loved Liz and Damon's friendship 💔

30 - Almost all Lily Salvatore scenes, the worst mother alongside Esther Mikaelson....their deaths make me so happy every single time and I will never apologise for that 🤣

[the9thbestchojin]

Kinnikuman arc 1 the kaiju extermination arc reveiw

well this was a while coming it would've been done sooner but then the pokemon DLC happened so that aside lets talk about Kinnikuman the super hero wrestling manga written by duo Takashi shima and Yoshinori Nakai under the pen name Yudetamago or Yude for short so lets get into it

and since there's no real plot lets start with our title character 

Kinniku Suguru or Kinnikuman is the prince of planet Kinniku and main character of this manga and if your expecting a Kenshiro esc bad ass I have bad news for you cus Suguru is a loud ignorant asshole who uses his farts as propulsion to fly hell the first chapter of the manga goes out of its way to make sure you know that in a pinch this is the last guy you want to save you but while Yude made sure you knew how far Suguru would sink in his envy of other hero's they also made sure you knew what lines he wouldn't cross he wont refuse to help someone just because they cant pay and even took mercy on a young kaiju once he’s not the ideal hero but he has a good heart that just some encouragement to come to the surface and for him to do the right thing

Alexandria Meat introduced in chapter 3 of the manga Meat is the boy genius assistant to the Suguru I was surprised by Meat in this arc as he is something of a smart ass I suppose after reading the revival and nisei mangas I forgot he was a bit of a smart ass in the first arc he serves as a of a straight man to Sugurus whacky antics but at times can be just as silly as the young prince tho later arcs he would be cemented into his straight man role he also had a crush on the preschool teacher Mari but its not given much attention nor is Meat really I only finished the first arc a few days ago and I cant remember any stories where he was the focal character and I cant find anything about a Meat story in my notes that said said smart ass Meat and wish he had that energy nisei 

Terry....Funk? regardless Terryman is the best friend of Suguru introduced in chapter 7 the man from America which I will talk about in a moment as I think its the best chapter of the first arc Terry is introduced as someone who will only save people from kaijus for money but after he meets Suguru he changes his ways while he still wants to pay rent he wont refuse people who cant pay him Terry doesn't make to many appearance's in the first arc but when he does he keeps his demeanor of a cool level headed cowboy he also has relationship with one of the very few prominent female characters in this franchise Natsuko Terry just like Meat would play bigger roles in latter arcs but at least he has the best chapter of the first arc as his introduction so lets talk about that now since every other character in this arc either plays bit roles or doesn't have much of a presence I mean what can I say about Mayumi beyond he’s kind of a shit dad and can only cook rice and curry

Chapter 7 a man from America

This is without any word of a lie the best chapter of the first arc its funny has a nice conflict and does a good job of showing what our hero Suguru is all about as well as having a nice arc for Terry in its 28 pages if I ever try to get someone into Kinnikuman ill show them this chapter as it does a great job of showing you what Kinnikuman is all about I’d also recommend chapter it was also redrawn by Yude last year and the difference between their original art style and current style is night and day that said I suppose I should comment on the art 

The art is very basic compared to their current style but thats not bad as it works for Kinnikumans gag manga roots while I much preferer their current style but their old style isn't bad by any means it just takes a bit of getting used to after reading their current style for over 200 chapters now 

In conclusion I over all liked the kaiju extermination arc it may not be on my list of favorite arcs but id be lying if I said there aren't some gems in the first 27 chapters of this mammoth series not just a man from America as their are plenty of heat warming and funny moments in the first arc I didn't talk about here but if your not good with reading monster of the week stories then id recommend the anime as the first arc is only 6 episodes there but that said please join me next time as Kinnikuman steps foot in the wrestling wring for the first time in the chojin Olympics arc

[theliberaltony]

via Politics – FiveThirtyEight

All eyes are on the post office lately. (Yet another sentence we never thought we’d write in 2020.) In the past few weeks, Democrats have alleged that Postmaster General Louis DeJoy, a major donor to the GOP and President Trump, is trying to slow down mail delivery and thus disrupt the election. And the U.S. Postal Service itself sent a letter (naturally) to 46 states and Washington, D.C., warning them that there could be delays in ballot deliveries.

Depending on your political worldview, one event seemed to be evidence of the other. But the letter isn’t part of a master plan to forestall democracy. It was instead about states assuming mail works differently than it does — regardless of who the postmaster is. And that could have a major effect on whether your mail-in vote is counted.

The post office has long-standing guidelines (which predate DeJoy) that recommend how much time voters and election officials should allow to apply for, send and receive mail-in ballots.

“We’ve been working on this for a while across the country to encourage states to update their laws to reflect the realities of how the post office actually works,” said Amber McReynolds, CEO for the National Vote At Home Institute, a nonprofit organization that lobbies for policies that make it easier for voters to cast absentee ballots.

In almost all states, even people who meet the deadline to request or mail back their ballot run the risk of their ballot not arriving on time simply because of how long the mail takes.

The USPS recommends voters allow one week between when they request their ballot and when they would like to receive it, and another week between when they put their completed ballot in the mail and the state’s deadline for receiving it. But many states allow mail ballots to be requested up until a few days before Election Day, which this year falls on Nov. 3, even if the deadline for returning the ballot is the day of the election. “The reality is that voters are going to fail if election officials are being asked to mail ballots out that late,” said McReynolds.

So if you’re among the 64 percent of voters who say they’re likely to cast a mail-in ballot this year, don’t wait until the last minute to request or return your ballot. When should you request or send it, then? We have a table for that:

Over 30 states have risky mail-in ballot deadlines

When voters should request and send back their mail ballots, according to USPS guidelines, and how different that is from each jurisdiction’s deadline

Recommended deadline How many days later jurisdiction deadlines are jurisdiction▲▼ Request by …▲▼ Send by …▲▼ Request▲▼ Postmark▲▼ Conn. 10/20/20 10/27/20 13 days — Del. 10/20/20 10/27/20 13 — Mont. 10/20/20 10/27/20 13 — N.H. 10/20/20 10/27/20 13 — R.I. 10/20/20 10/27/20 13 — S.D. 10/20/20 10/27/20 13 — Wyo. 10/20/20 10/27/20 13 — La. 10/19/20 10/26/20 11 — Ga. 10/20/20 10/27/20 10 — Mich. 10/20/20 10/27/20 10 — S.C. 10/20/20 10/27/20 10 — Ala. 10/20/20 10/27/20 9 6 days Maine 10/20/20 10/27/20 9 — Wis. 10/20/20 10/27/20 9 — Ark. 10/20/20 10/27/20 7 — Okla. 10/20/20 10/27/20 7 — Pa. 10/20/20 10/27/20 7 — Tenn. 10/20/20 10/27/20 7 — Minn. 10/27/20 11/3/20 6 0 Mass. 10/23/20 10/30/20 5 4 Ohio 10/26/20 11/2/20 5 0 Kan. 10/23/20 10/30/20 4 4 Ky. 10/23/20 10/30/20 4 4 N.C. 10/23/20 10/30/20 4 4 Fla. 10/20/20 10/27/20 4 — Ariz. 10/20/20 10/27/20 3 — Idaho 10/20/20 10/27/20 3 — Neb. 10/20/20 10/27/20 3 — Texas 10/21/20 10/28/20 2 6 W.Va. 10/26/20 11/2/20 2 1 Ill. 10/27/20 11/3/20 2 0 Ind. 10/20/20 10/27/20 2 — Mo. 10/20/20 10/27/20 1 — Va. 10/23/20 10/30/20 0 4 Alaska 10/24/20 11/3/20 0 0 Iowa 10/24/20 11/2/20 0 0 Md. 10/20/20 11/3/20 0 0 N.Y. 10/27/20 11/3/20 0 0 N.M. 10/20/20 10/27/20 0 — Calif. — 11/3/20 — 0 D.C. — 11/3/20 — 0 Miss. 10/27/20 11/3/20 — 0 Nev. — 11/3/20 — 0 N.J. — 11/3/20 — 0 N.D. 10/26/20 11/2/20 — 0 Utah — 11/2/20 — 0 Wash. — 11/3/20 — 0 Colo. — 10/27/20 — — Hawaii — 10/27/20 — — Ore. — 10/27/20 — — Vt. — 10/27/20 — —

Show more rows

Mississippi and North Dakota have no statutory ballot-request deadline. California, Colorado, Hawaii, Nevada, New Jersey, Oregon, Utah, Vermont, Washington and Washington, D.C., are currently planning to automatically mail ballots to every voter, so they also do not have ballot-request deadlines.

Sources: State Election Officials, U.S. Postal Service

We calculated these dates by applying the USPS guidelines to each state’s deadline for receiving ballots.1 As you can see, 33 out of the 39 states that require would-be mail voters to request a ballot by a certain date2 have statutory deadlines later than the USPS recommends. Alaska, Iowa, Maryland, New Mexico, New York and Virginia are the only states whose deadlines comply with USPS guidelines. Similarly, in eight states3 that theoretically allow you to postmark your ballot by Nov. 2 or 3, you’ll want to put your ballot in the mail before that deadline to ensure it arrives in time to count.

But don’t worry if you don’t get your act together in time, or simply want to take more time to decide who to vote for. In most states, you can both request a “mail” ballot in person and drop off a completed ballot at your local election office or an official ballot drop box instead of mailing it. If you’re willing to do that, it’s fine to wait until the statutory deadlines to request and submit your ballot. It’s not a perfect solution, but you can also pay extra to send your ballot by priority or overnight mail, which are faster than standard mail service. So while we urge people to meet the recommended deadlines in the chart, it’s important to know you have options if you don’t.

[50-percent-winchester-sister]

Valentines Pool Game

Sam & Eileen 24 & 30

Dean & Abigail 28 & 27

Y/N & Ben 17 & 15

Word Count: 1,553

HAPPY VALENTINES DAY YOU SPN FOOLS! I literally forced myself to finish this before the day and post the of Valentine's day, so here you go.

Prompt: Its Valentine's Day and nothing beats hanging out with your boyfriend and your brothers.

Angsty at the beginning but fluffy at in the middle and end :). I'm mean, not cruel

  You wake up when you check your phone and "Great its THAT holiday." Ben is grounded for sneaking out to see you, so you don't get to see him today, fantastic! You wake up to go in the kitchen to see Eileen and Abigail, your brother's girlfriends. You love that they make your brothers happy, but even if in your mind they could never compare to Jess and Lisa. You walked a little bit back to where they can't see you and you hear Dean say "Hey Sammy, is Y/N awake yet?" "I don't think so, I'll go get her." Once he left the kitchen he jumped a little when he saw you. "Oh Y/N, hey me, Dean and the girls are in the kitchen if you want to-" "Not really, its Valentines' Day, you four do your own thing, I'll just head back to my room." "I'm sorry" "Nothing to be sorry about Sam, now quit talkin' and get back to Eileen."

  Sam walks in the kitchen and Dean asks "Is Y/N okay?" "I don't think so Dean, today's rough for her" "What? Because Lis grounded Ben? Please it's her fault for making him sneak out to see her" "You used to do the same exact thing with Charlie Dean, don't say that" "And you with Jess when you went to college," Dean said with a smile. You heard all of them laughing which made you both pissy and sad. You loved Lisa like she was your mom and Jess like she was your big sister, so hearing the boys laughing with Eileen and Abigail leave you with a bitter taste in your mouth.

  You finally decide to come down in the living room around 5 pm and they look all nice and dressed up. Dean came up to you, shaking your shoulders and said: "Y/N you need to get dressed NOW!" Startled you asked "Wait Wha? What for?" "You're coming with us!" Sam chimed in. "But wait why though? I'll just be a fifth wheel..." "Okay, I didn't want to do this but.." Sam lifts you and picks you up over his shoulds by your legs "Samuel William Winchester you put me down right now I'm too heavy!" "Oh shut up no you aren't." He drags you to your room to get dressed.

  To say you didn't look nice was an understatement. you wore black tights, grey oversized dress sweater, brown kneehigh boots and you had your hair up in a ponytail, the way Sam used to put it up when you were little. "Wow bugaboo, you look really nice' "Thank you, I'm not big on formality so this is the best I got" "Well let's get rollin' I made reservations, Don't wanna be late," Dean says. You five walk outside when you decide to say "I'll take my bike, you four take the Impala?" "Uh no Y/N, you're riding with us." "But Dean-" "No buts Y/N, now come on" you heavily sighed as Dean knows exactly why you wanted to take the bike. Being so close to Abigail and Eileen makes you want to freak out. The whole time you were the only one that was quiet and thankfully, Sam let you ride shotgun with Dean so you don't have to sit so close with them.

  Once you get to the restaurant you blink for a second, "Wait, Dean, this place has expensive food, when did we get the money for this?" You turn to look at Dean to see him wearing a shit-eating grin. "Pool, of course, what do you take me for, a Real job employee?" he says as he chuckles afterward. "Alright whatever, let's just get inside," Abigail says while getting out. Everyone soon follows her when Sam lightly pushes you forward and says "You get to go in first" "Why?" "Just go," Sam says while having a big smile on his face. Dean holds the door open for you, Sam, Abigail, and Eileen, "Ladies first, you too Samantha" "Jerk" "Bitch" "Shut up" You say while walking passed them. You walk inside when you look up to your left and you see "Ben!" You run towards ben and he twirls you around. "Happy Valentines Day Y/N." He says while giving you a small box of chocolates and a single white rose. "You too! If I would have known you would be here I would have brung what I bought you, I thought you were grounded" "Yeah, hehe I am, I snuck out to see you, Its Valentines Day, you really can't expect me to leave you alone of all days." "Your mom will find out sooner or later" "Yeah yeah, I'll deal with her, but right now-" He looks behind you and looks at Sam and Dean, then looks back at you. "Right now, I'm here for you and you only."

  You and Ben sat by yourselves at a different table then Sam, Dean, and their girlfriends, but close enough to where they can still see you two. It's not every day that Sam and Dean actually let you have a boyfriend, let alone Dean letting you date Ben, Lisa's son. Its been around thirty minutes until Dean comes up to you and asks, "Hey, Y/N, I kinda need you in the bar, were hustling at pool and there's this guy with a LOT of money and uhh, Sammy kinda shot himself in the foot and decided to go up against him, we need you." You stare at him blankly, why does he need 'my' help? "Sure? Can Ben come?" "Yeah of course, just keep him hidden, he's too young to be in there." "Dean, I'm too young to be in there." He scoffs but has a smile on his face, "Yeah, but you have a fake ID, you're good." You, Be, and Dean walked into the bar to see Sam acting super tough to the guy he challenged. You whisper, "Sam, I got this." You walk up to the guy and say, "Well, hey there baby, it seems like you just leaped into hell for that money didn't ya?" "You wanna go, girly?" You really don't like the word girly, you aren't girly. "Stripes or solids, baby?" "You choose, I'll win either way." You go to the pool table and fix the balls into a triangle, "Ill be stripes then" you say as you smile as you pick up a cue stick. "You can go first, it won't be long until this game is over," you say smiling. You look at Sam who looks deeply confused, and Dean who is grinning like he's never had before.

  "What's your name girly? I want to know the name of the girl I steal thousands from." "The names Francisca Montiga, and don't worry, I won't be the one who looses." You won't tell him your real name since this will be the last him you'll ever see him. Once he goes he gets two of his balls into the nets, numbers 2 and 5. Impressive, you thought, but obviously not a pro. "My turn, you sure you won't back out baby?" "Just go, you're an easy target." Ouch, you're so utterly hurt, it almost makes you cry. you laugh as you take your turn. You hit the cue ball and boom, stripe numbers 9, 10, 13 and 15 falls into the net. 'Hell yes!' you think to yourself smiling hugely. You look back at Sam with a shocked expression and Dean laughing loudly. You hear Sam ask Dean, "Dean, how the hell did she learn to play like that?" Dean, still laughing says "Come on, don't act like it's my fault! She's always been a pro!!"

  Eventually, the game ends and of course, you come out victorious, but with a small problem, the guy was super pissed that you won and you walked out of the bar with a black eye. "Here," you say obviously in pain, giving the money to Dean, "It's yours I was just helping out." "No Jen, don't worry, keep it, but don't spend it all in one night, trust me, I've done that, not pretty." Once you six are outside, your brothers and their girls get inside the Impala while you stand there on the sidewalk talking with Ben. "Sorry this isn't the best day of your life," you say with a sad smile, you felt like you just ruined his day. "Y/N, stop this all of this was actually pretty fun, though, I didn't like it when you kept calling him Baby." You lightly laugh, but apologize, "Sorry, it was all part of the act, I promise I won't call another guy baby again." "Apology accepted." Ben is the sweetest boy in the world, you thought to yourself. "Well my brothers are probably mad I didn't walk with them to the car." "Once I get ungrounded ill come by to the bunker so we can actually be by ourselves." "Sounds like a plan." You hug him and kiss his cheek while walking to the passenger seat of the Impala. "Today was a fun day, We should do this again next Valentine's day, minus the black eye," you say to your brothers and even their girlfriends.

[clownbeep]

This is gonna be kinda brutal. But I want to put it into writing

Big vent/whats been going on

Hah... I guess this is like my life story or some shit...

Trigger warning ahead.. Depression and a bit of gore/suicide talk so if you are sensitive to that please, for your own sake and mental state you might not want to continue.

For those who dont want to hear a pretty dark vent, I understand.

And those who are just scrolling by feel free to scroll past. I just personally want to get this out.

If you have dealt with emotional neglect/abuse and need to know it isnt in your head this might be the post.

By writing this it feels like hopefully someone else will read this and realise certain things are NOT healthy.

If you are questioning if you are being emotionally neglected/abused (im speaking in a parental sense but even romantically or sexually) im not someone to give you answers, but the fact you are questioning it raises some red flags. In a healthy relationship you dont wonder those things.

Sorry for the long prelude but heres what I wanted to say

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.

.

.

.

.

Ever since I was young, ive had bad ADHD, manic bipolar/depression, and sensory issues.

I was diagnosed around 13 I believe. My family (I didnt realise it then) always showed pity. Like I was some wild animal that couldnt be tamed and there was nothing they could do. Id do and say stupid attention seeking things just to try and get a shred of empathy.

My family didnt care.

When I was in the hospital for a suicide attempt regaurding pills and my liver had a chance of failing.. None of my family members cried over me. But a family friend. Someone not. Even. Related. Wept over me.

My family didnt care.

I cant say they never cared. They give me food water and luxuries like internet and a phone. For that I am grateful.

But in many other ways they have hurt me faar more than helped.

Once I got out of a short term stay in an inpatient mental facility I desperately needed contact with anyone who would care for me.

I have a younger sister, quite young probably around 7 at the time. She was a close friend of mine for that time. Id hang out with her so often to fill the gap in love it felt my family didnt give. One day I walked into the dining room and overheard my mother and father talking to my little sister. They told her to keep away because I wasnt "stable" because I was "dangerous" and could give her bad Ideas. And with one single action my only friend at the time and way to find happiness was taken away.

My family did not care.

When I stay in bed every day for months on end not knowing which day ill snap and end it all.... I get called lazy.

My family did not care

When I beg for medication to make me a functional human being they brush me off for years on end. Im losing my grip. I can barely remember things that have happened last week because I try so hard to forget everything its my automatic response to everything.

When I cant get to sleep because all of the memories come flooding back and im hit by wave after wave of horrific memories and the feeling if worthlessness... When I cant watch any videos or read posts about families because it brings on unwanted memories and emotions....

Is it me being dramatic then?

When you hear your family openly mocking and laughing about how stupid and dramatic and fake trans people are... How weird and unnatural and mentally insane these people are not knowing they are the very reason grsm and trans suicides are so high...

Am I a liar now? Am I insane?

When I tried to talk to them about my mental health issues. They took my only way of contact and made me feel like it was my own fault.

My family didnt care.

When I was nearly passed out shaking in a bathtub covered in wounds and blood all over... They showed pity, then lectured me for an hour for not telling them or for being impulsive and basically cleaned my wounds and sent me into my room.

My family didnt care.

Yes. I do agree, they cleaned my wounds, the physical side of showing care. However emotionally they were not there.

When my father drinks so heavilly every day he is home from work that he forgets half the things he tells you and can barely function.. They lecture my older sister for having a glass of wine (legal age)

They did not care.

My sister (23) tried for so many years to cling to what little attention she would get by getting good grades and going to college... She realised that it changed nothing about how my family felt toward her.... She snapped.

My family did not care.

She starves herself for a disease she does not have, she uses religion as an exuse to be one of the biggest christian extremists I personally know. Half the days she doesnt eat... Other days she burns book and gets rid of items for being demonic.

My lovely sister used to be kind and quite normal. However she couldnt find comfort in what little live her family gave. Starved for care she turned to religion to un unhealthy degree. Finding any way to keep her mind busy. Now I worry she will end up in the hospital for weighing so little.

My family did not care.

My oldest sister (27) Is married to a continuously cheating husband who she keeps letting back into her life. She was raised with a failing marrige and doesnt seem to see when she should call it quits.

Not to mention her husband has touched someone legally under the age of concent. Did she report him to the authorities? No.

All of these horrific things stemming from bad parenting. Unhealthy relationships and neglect.

Neglect emotionally can cause just as bad things as physical neglect. They are both horrifically dangerous in different ways.

These are the only big things I can remember... Basically age 15 and below are a complete blur to me and I cant remember much of it without thinking for a looong time. Even then I cant remember a lot of it... I feel like ive lost my whole damn childhood. And it hurts more than if they had just hit me or physically harmed me.

Im not underplaying physically harm. But in my personaly opinion I would rather my family have beaten me badly because at least then id have an easier way to prove to people how severe the abuse was. You can see bruises and confirm broken bones... But years of feeling completely useless and being shut off from most of the world other than the internet... It fucks you up in a way I dont think can be healed.

I dont know if I can ever love myself or... Remember things. Its terrifying to think Ill post this and a few weeks later probably not even rememner unless its brought up. Or meeting people and having conversations... And they are just... Gone.

Gone.

I suppose the biggest reason im writing this is well... In the future I dont want to forget in some ways.. I want like to be 100× as awesome knowing itll start as soon as im out of here..

If I dont have anything to compare it too then what is the point?

Ive layed out basically most of what I remember

A large amount of time I look around and nothing registers... Everything is familiar but I cant remember anything for a moment or two.. I feel like my memory is slipping so fast and im terrified.. I cant do anything to stop it and I cant make my mood be stable without the medication my family cant be bothered to get ...

I suppose this is a bit of a vent. I know its kind of everywhere and unorganized..

If im honest.. Tumblr is the only place where people have given me a home I wish I had..

I came out as trans here... Everyone was so damn supportive.. I didnt say anything but I cried hard and the kindness.. It was amazing.. It was such a jarring difference to how I feel when I say anything in real life.

Ive met friends here and ive had some much fun here. If youve stuck around this far thank you so much.. If you didnt I dont blame you.

I just wanted to share what has been flashing in my head these past few days.. It hurts a lot and ive even considered suicide recently..

Im trying hard. As hard as I can.. I have no escape though.

I cannot leave home. I cannot escape. Im not being dramatic.

I

CANT

LEAVE

And its terrifying because I know without medication or at least being somewhere AWAY from family.... I feel like im going to break soon.

I dont want to do anything stupid.. But some days I cant think straight and do things that harm myself and its not good. Its not okay. Im aware that I need help but I have no idea where to go/turn.. I have no ID or drivers liscence.. I have no transportation to and from a job to get money so I can leave... I live in the middle of nowhere.... I just..

I dont want to lose touch. I dont want to do anything bad.. I want to be functional.. I want to do more than eat and sleep my life away because I have nothing else to do..

Im so damn sick and tired of this all.. And at times I really do feel like there is only one way out.

Its always there and I just feel like one of these days im gonna be pushed over the edge and not be thinking clearly enough to stop it.

Im thinking semi clearly right now which is my im posting this.. Because im afraid and alone.

I have nowhere to go irl I have no friends Irl i just have tumblr and media and thats it. I dont expect anyone to be able to help I just wanted to write this so anyone knows what happens if I leave media..

If I tell my family my issues they will blow me off again for the 11th time or so (not exaggerated)

And if I do something to get sent to the hospital and get the help I need the cycle will continue with them being pissed and me getting sent home in a month or less anly for my family relationships to get worse..

Im spiraling fuether and further and I cant keep up the facade of being fine. I need help. And i have no way to get it. Ive just been suffering for years...

Sitting around and doing nothing but using your phone or drawing or whatever sound fun in theory... But if thats all youve been able to do for years with little to no real life social contact its gonna mess with your head... I dont want to be a shut in... I just

I dont know what to do.

Im sorry for rambling. I will most likely delete this later feeling embarrassed I posted this...

Im just tired..

[culturati-club]

The Sermon of LIFE

The Sermon of (My Current) LIFE

Standing at the altar of my hometown church, I feels surreal. My hands holding the micorphone as I look out into a hundred faces…

All the while, never did I imagine I would be here where I am now, standing before all of these faces of my youth…but none of us really ever know do we?

God leads us to places we could never imagine.

I was an anxious child. as many people remind me of the way I stuck close to my parents.

but now I know it was the anxiety to get out into the world and see what else it was God had created besides myself and what I had already known.

I went to an international art school.

upon graduating I didn’t know what to do.

no job felt right.

I had this hunger to see where so many of my friends were from.

I prayed to the lord and I reminded Him that he was in control.

I acknowledged and spoke—

“you are my guide

and you are in control

of my ride.

I am just here enjoying the breeze.

take me where i need to go— i trust you”

And so the lord brought me many places—

each experience mysteriously preparing me for the next.

Hk-Italy-China-Spain- now Japan

Each experience being the grace of God

people ask me, how did you get these jobs??

And honestly, all were the through the grace of God—all through who I knew through the church.

So many times I didn’t know where to go.

In result, I prayed it was all the power of God.

I acknowledged my needs of Christ through prayer.

The church— God is the base of all things

never did I truly see that until this experience.

4 years ago I came back from a life-changing experience in rural China.

An experience so unique and so special.

That is an entire other story for another day. I arrived home from China, and remember feeling like my entire life was all wrong.

I was depressed.

everything I had known before felt so different.

and no one could understand what I was going through.

no one knew or could ever know the personal life-changing experience I endured in that rural china town.

I felt like I a giant who could not fit into the human home id always known.

I was lost.

but God could understand me. and he brought me where I needed to go.

I researched everything to go and get out into the world again.

but I also had people telling me to find “a real job”

I tried finding whatever a real job was,

but felt it wasn’t right.

I struggled with that. too much.

my life felt hopeless.

but I got through it, and God answered my prayers.

God always knows what we know deep down.

And God leads us down this strict path.

God knows we have doubts, but he keeps us going down that path because WE prayed for him to lead us and guide us.

so I surrendered my doubts to Him and said, “TAKE ME WHERE I NEED TO GO”

its what we all should do. honestly.

it can change your life.

so, one day I was at the church with my Mom, and she was talking to people as usual. I just kept looking at her, like, let’s goooooo. Then, I looked down… I came across this brochure I had never noticed before…

It was for ELCA global missions YAGM—volunteer program.

I applied, interviewed, and was denied for my “overqualifications”.

I did not understand it. “WTF. WHY????”, I thought.

And so I went on to the next adventure.

I’d wanted to go to Spain, so I took some time there trying to figure out what I needed. I went there to live with a family (I found on the internet) who needed help with their English.

While in Spain, I got this email from ELCA Global Mission saying they had needed this paid position filled, and someone had given my resume.

Suddenly I realized why I did not get that volunteer position. This new position was much better with pay and amazing benefits.

They asked if I would be interested.

OBVIOUSLY.

And obviously, I got the job because here I am almost three years later!

God always provides. We may not understand something at the moment, but we have to step back and look at the big picture.

Last week I was at a conference with ELCA- Global Mission in Chicago.

I was speaking with someone who said:

“life is like a big painting. sometimes we get to close to one aspect, we move in and cover our eyes to focus on that one spot. we get so close that it becomes dark from the shadow. That is how we are when we become obsessed with one aspect of our lives. it is important to step back and remember that there is a whole picture. we need that entire picture to explain the small detail.”

It is so true. And God always knows that picture.

We can not worry about one aspect. especially when we have the power to respond to a situation in any way we like. We are in control of our minds and how to respond.

It is important to keep that faith in Jesus. For our own sanity.

The three years in Tokyo have shot by. I have experienced so many things in that time. that have helped progress the time.

My term was ending and I did not feel like I was finished.

I had felt like my time had only begun,

and a blessing, I was asked to extend my time there.

the church was going through a lot of transition.

we needed consistency and we needed someone who knew this location well.

So what do I do?

I work for ELCA: Global mission who partners with other Evangelical Lutheran organizations all over the world. I have colleagues all over Africa, Israel, Germany, Malaysia, China, Hong Kong, India, Brazil, Columbia, Argentina… the list goes on…  I, as well as many others, are based in Japan. But I am the only one in Tokyo.

So ELCA works with the JELC: Japan Evangelical Lutheran Church, who has special programs with churches around Tokyo.

I am based at two locations in Tokyo: there is Hongo Lutheran Church who has a community Student Center and Koishikawa Lutheran Church who owns and operates a Girls Dormitory

I attend Hongo Lutheran Church each Sunday where I help with church activities and also teach Sunday morning English bible study. During the week I also go here and conduct English Conversation classes which sometimes result in more of a counseling session.

I have all ages… from 3 - 9-year-olds all the way to elderly adults in their 80s.

Many middle-aged moms come. and we have nice conversations and lessons about culture and self-love.

Honestly, when I was younger I loved kids. but after living in Spain, they kind of freaked me out. Then going to Tokyo I was forced to create classes for these little ones who did not know English. but God flows through me and somehow it happens. Now I love little kids and especially my little kids.

They are amazing. It is so cool how I, a 27 year old English speaking native can have inside jokes with little kids who speak Japanese natively.

My kids feel so comfortable and happy to come to the center each week.

My three and four-year-olds wear their princess dresses to class. It is awesome. They will dress up specifically for their thirty-minute sessions. Then we will sing and dance together. I have a little boy who has a stutter. He is three and is super self-conscious of it. He won’t speak. He will only tap and point. But he loves to come. The purpose is not to learn English but to feel welcome and loved. Each week he will bring a different toy to show me. He is always so proud.

In Tokyo, they don’t use cars. It takes to long. Moms have “mom bikes” verse “mom SUVs”. They tote their kids around on motorized bikes with car seats. Or they will walk if its close enough. So I just imagine these kids coming each week with these big toys and princess dresses walking down the street or on their bikes… so cute.

A lot of the mothers of my kids also will come to the adult classes.

I have kind of created a “moms class” and they come and talk about their lives and kids together in English.

Many elder students. I have students in their 70s and 80s. They make their way there every week. They have illnesses but they come! Its always awesome to talk to them about their lives. Many have come for almost twenty years, but have the same beginners English. We talk together through translations. One lady comes every week after her doctor’s appointment. Every week she shows her large full bag of medications. And every week I ask what it is. And every week she tells me. Every week she checks out my outfit and tries on my jacket. Every week she shows off her outfit and asks “how much?”… every week is a joy. Every week this lady comes to feel wanted. That is what I do.

Last year I started teaching English Zumba! I never taught Zumba or any type of exercise officially. but a student had approached me and asked to consider it… so I did. We have new students who come just to dance. We hold the class in the sanctuary one Sunday a month. It is a lot of fun. at the end of the class, we meditate on this Christian song called “Oceans” by Hillsong United. The parents especially love it to relieve stress.

This year I have started teaching English Photography classes.

Two Saturdays a month we meet— I present techniques and they go home and make prints and come back the next class for a critique and another lecture. It has been really great! A longtime student of mine—her parents are architects in Tokyo. they come to the class and it’s just really interesting to see their photos and hear about their work…

I have started these two classes specifically to get more people in the community to join our center. Why? English conversation is a difficult market. Especially in a busy city like Tokyo. Having classes with two ways of learning is good for Japanese who are busy and want to learn more than just English. They can come and learn photography, English, and build a nice community.

The second location I work at is the Girls Dormitory…

The dormitory is owned and operated by a Lutheran church. A majority of the girls who stay there are not Christian. And that is ok because true Christians do not discriminate or judge.

In Japan, Universities have dorms, but it is more common for them to stay in community dorms. Maybe it is cheaper.

Some girls come from out of state or country to study high school or college and stay in a dorm like this.

So my students are from all over Japan.

Some girls who stay there are returning students who were raised abroad with their families whose fathers work for a Japanese company in another country. Here I have an office where the girls can come to and talk with me. depending on their reason for the study, we have different topics. Usually, we talk about culture and have fun activities. The dorm gives me an allowance to do fun things with the girls. We have parties or go to dinners every once in a while.

They love when I have holiday parties at my home. We usually watch a Christmas movie like ELF and decorate Christmas cookies. I try to share with them, the real American way. Basically, my work is to share love and joy. Not talk about the word of God, but SHOW IT.

That is what we Christians should be doing every day. People do not respond to words, but they respond to action and spirit. And to tell people there is just a special story for each of us… big or small, we all have an important part in this world. your single existence is crucial to the balance of the universe.

We each have the opportunity to have a story as long as we turn it over to God with faith.

Look a the Bible… so many stories. The Lord has a special plan for each of us. No matter who we are and what bad we have done in our lives. WE are each redeemable.

Noah was a drunk, Moses was a murderer… God redeemed them with important tasks.

Many of us are not Noah or Moses. We have not done such bad, but the Lord does not judge based on that. The Lord wants us to thrive. Allow yourself to listen to what YOUR story is that the Lord is saving for YOU. Smile to people who seem sad. Share the joy. Your one small gesture has the ability to change someone’s entire day, and that person will go on to inspire another and another. It’s the ripple effect.

that is our mission as Christians. NOT to make people Christians, but to heal people. Make people feel loved. Make people feel inspired to live their life and shine brightly just as they were meant to. Our mission is to share the peace and understanding; share the unconditional love.

In your work, in your path, you have an opportunity to bring change. No matter what your job is. You have the power to inspire and save a life with a smile. You have the power to react the way you choose.

All this time and it is easy to forget what brought me here in the first place. those are my experiences.

We need those experiences. They are the small roads that lead you to the major intersections that take you to this big destination. Enjoy your path and remember to ask GOD for guidance.

Tell God you trust in him and the path he needs to you take. On that path, make sure you inspire and share this with those who may not know it either

Words and imagery by Jennifer Jarvie @clubjarvie​

[chiquititae]

50 questions tag

i was tagged by @softyoong and @queenyoonji ily thank u uwu

1. What takes up too much of your time?

   the internet and laying awake thinking of stuff lmao

2. What makes your day better?

   reading, talking with my friends, cuddling with my pets

3. What’s the best thing to happen to you today?

   umm my friend comes over later today and we will have a sleepover!

4. What fictional place would you like to go to?

    ummm maybe it’s not a fictional place but i would like to live in the doctor who universe and like... travel through time and space please and thank u

5. Are you good at giving advice?

  i honestly do not know im probably horrible at it

6. Do you have any mental illness?

   lmaooo i was diagnosed with social anxiety and depression but ther’s probably more

7. Have you ever experienced sleep paralysis?

   is it a sleep paralysis when you lie awake but can’t open your eyes or move?? then yes

8. What musician inspired you the most?

   bts bc they’re the only artist i actually felt a connection with (except halsey but it was a long time ago)

9. Have you ever fallen in love?

  no not really

10. What’s your dream date?

     it would be something chill like a walk in the forest or netflix&chil djghjshgkj

11. What do others notice about you?

      uhhhh idk?? probably that i have a weird laugh (and i mean the jin wind shield laugh)

12. What is an annoying habit you have?

      i always crack my neck by pushing my chin forward thats why people think i want to put up a fight jkghdkjfhkj

13. Do you still talk to your first love?

     more like crush and not really  

14. How many exes do you have?

     none

15. How many songs are in your playlist?

    i don’t have a playlist atm

16. What instruments can you play?

      a goddamn recorder

17. What do you have the most pictures of?

      my pets and memes

18. Where would you like to go before you die?

     literally everywhere wtf but lately i really want to go to greece

19. What is your zodiac?

    taurus sun, libra moon, aries rising

20. Do you relate to it?

     i don’t know shit about astrology pls

21. What is happiness to you?

     surrounding myself with people i love, feeling rested and at peace

22. Are you going through anything right now?

      a sexuality crisis sigh but also another wave of anxiety about my future 

23. What’s the worst decision you ever made?

     sharing too much with fake friends too soon without actually checking if they can be trusted and if they will be on my side

24. What’s your favorite store?

     thrift shops

25. What’s your opinion on abortion?

     it’s a woman’c choice and it should absolutely be legal

26. Do you keep a bucket list?

     not really bc i don’t think i will be able to do much with it

27. Do you have a favorite album?

      not really

28. What do you want for your birthday?

      so my birthday is tomorrow and i just want some people to at least wish me happy birthday bc some people i know irl and cared for totally forgot about it last year. also some goddamn peace of mind would be nice

29. What are most people’s first impression of you?

    that i’m quiet probably 

30. What age do you seem according to most people?

      i think i look my age, i’ve never been asked for ID at least jkdgkgj

31. Where do you keep your phone while you’re sleeping?

     next to my head

32. What word do you say the most?

     yikes

33. What’s the oldest age you would date?

    2-3 years older but the 3 years is a stretch

34. What’s the youngest age you would date?

      2 years younger?? but i would be most comfortable dating someone my age

35. What job/career do most people say would suit you?

     idk lmao

36. What’s your favorite music genre?

     literally everything sounding nice

37. If you could live in any country in the world, where would it be?

      germany or canada

38. What is your current favorite song?

       jamais vu at the moment

39. How long have you had this blog for?

     this one probably like over 1 year but my first one since 2013

40. What are you excited for?

      my friend coming over today bc she will finally meet my pets dfjkghdfkg

41. Are you a better talker or listener?

      definitely listener

42. What is the last productive thing you did?

    cleaned up my room 

43. What do you want for christmas?

     i never know what i want so djghdfkjg

44. What class do you get the best grades in?

       umm when i was in high school i had the best grades in english

45. On a scale of 1-10, how are you feeling right now?

    8. it’s actually a good day today

46. What can you see yourself doing in ten years?

      hopefully doing something i will not hate and in a small flat in a city with my future girlfriend uwu

47. When did you get your first heartbreak?

     oh my, idk i used to be (and still am)  pretty fragile kid so every little bad remark broke my heart djggjkldgj

48. What age do you want to get married?

    i don’t really have an age in mind

49. What career did you want to have as a child?

      a singer or an actress bc every little girl wanted this and now i’m like oH HELL NO

50. What do you crave right now?

     cuddles as always, to watch the handmaiden for like the 5th time, something sweet

i tag: @hamkis @eriiees @ssprlngday @jamaisvubf @piscesjeon @sopeshighnotes @biminie @parkjiminsprincess @joonieflower @rysiowate @rosegoldje0n

[pennywise-chenle]

50 Questions Tag

Letsgetit✊🏼

1. What takes up too much of your time?

P: Watching kpop mvs, listening to kpop, watching kpop broadcasts, watching kpop interviews, watching kpop- yeah you get it

K: anything that isn’t productive tbh

2. What makes your day better?

P: If I get to eat dark chocolate🤤

K: nct 🤩 they’re such crackheads I love them (also when my friends hype me up)

3. What’s the best thing to happen to you today?

P: Pressed shuffle on my phone, the first song that came up was CLC’s No (it’s really good, highly recommend)

K: I ate two eggs

4. What fictional place would you like to go to?

P: Marvel or DC universe? But maybe just visit for like a week I don’t think I could handle a new super villain popping up every week

K: the Harry Potter verse,, wielding magic sounds pretty cool

5. Do you give good advice?

P: I think I do sometimes, but rarely do I ever actually listen to it

K: only when I’m knowledgeable about the topic/have experienced it before. Other than that no lol

6. Do you have a mental illness?

P: not one I am consciously aware of...

K: nope

7. Have you ever experienced sleep paralysis?

P: No, never

K: not that I remember.. I do however have a weird recollection of dreaming about bert and ernie from Sesame Street shuffling around my room when I was like 4 (lmao I just laid there in bed and watched them in the semi-darkness it was freaky)

8. What musician inspired you the most?

P: Oh god uh Sunmi because she is an artist in every sense of the word and Ateez’s Hongjoong because of his work ethic and dedication

K: this is going to sound weird but Johnny from nct. his confidence and perspective on life is something that I look up to and respect (also I feel like he’s pretty hardworking cause dam 9 years as a trainee)

9. Have you ever fallen in love?

P: with myself, love yourself babies you deserve it🥰😤✊🏼🌸

K: Me and wonhos man tiddies are in a very committed relationship rn

10. What’s your dream date?

P: Oh you know nice walk on a beach, watching movies cuddled up on a couch~

K: we’re def hitting the arcade, eating out at a nice restaurant, and if they’re also into art we could draw/paint together 🤩

11. What do others notice about you?

P: My hair and the way I look, I’ve been told (even by my own mother) that I look intimidating which I DONT GET

K: poeple comment on my deadpan humor 💪

12. What’s an annoying habit you have?

P: Procrastinating and then having to go to sleep later than I need to

K: turning off my alarm in the morning and oversleeping

13. Do you still talk to your first love?

P: Yeah- every morning in the mirror, late at night when the procrastination has become too much, etc

K: I’ve stopped playing otome games

14. How many exes do you have?

P: one

K: none 😎

15. How many songs are in your playlist?

P: I have one playlist and it currently has 416 songs in it

K: 716 (I also have only one playlist)

16. What instruments can you play?

P: I’m pretty good at playing the recorder

K: I used to play the flute and piano

17. What do you have the most picture of?

P: kpop memes :)

K: memes 😔

18. Where would you like to go before you die?

P: Greece, Australia, SoUtH KoReA

K: Japan, Maldives, Europe

19. What’s your Zodiac?

P: I’m living that Sagittarius life

K: Libra

20. Do you relate to it?

P: yes? But I’m also a cusp so I’ve been told that I have Scorpio qualities🦂

K: yeah but I’m not “social” I’m like the opposite of that

21. What is happiness to you?

P: We going✈️ deep hours -being content with where you are in the moment and being able to smile for any reason

K: unabashedly being yourself while doing things that you love

22. Are you going through anything right now?

P: I’m going through something new everyday, but recently it’s been questioning my future

K: aren’t we all tho,, that’s the essence of life

23. What’s the worst decision you ever made?

P: I can’t say it’s the worst but the most glaringly bad decision I’ve made is not taking history earlier cause now I have to take it during the summer🙃

K: not being assertive enough

24. What is your favorite store?

P: probably ulta💄

K: Hollister lol

25. What is your opinion of abortion?

P: Well that escalated quickly- to each their own, if that’s the choice you take you should be able to make it

K: if u can’t properly support the baby why subject it to that type of life?

26. Do you have a bucket list?

P: Travel the world I guess

K: id like to hone my artistic skills

27. Do you have a favorite album?

P: Hell yeah, Ateez’s Treasure: All to Zero and Zero to One album (Say My Name, Treasure, and HALA HALA are BOPS)

K: EXO’s EX’ACT album

28. What do you want for your birthday?

P: To be acknowledged😪, no but my birthday often falls on Thanksgiving so it’s like me vs. turkey day

K: a macbook

29. What are most people’s first impressions of you?

P: I kinda already talked about this but intimidating

K: extremely quiet 🦶 it’s the biggest thing about me that I wish I could change

30: What age do you seem according to people?

P: I don’t actually know, but I will always be 5 in my own eyes

K: yo I actually have no idea

31. Where do you keep your phone while you are sleeping?

P: Next to me charging which is probably dAnGeRoUs

K: across the room so I can attempt to get my ass out of bed when my phone alarm goes off (spoiler alert: it doesn’t work)

32. What word do you say the most?

P: My daily vernacular is just littered with “yeehaw” and “oh my god” and “hahah”

K: “dude” and “like”

33. What’s the oldest age you would date?

P: Probably 3 years older than me

K: depends but nothing extreme

34: Whats the youngest age you would date?

P: Anyone more than 1-2 years younger than me is a no-go

K: same answer as the last question

35: What job/career do most people say would suit you?

P: A psychologist

K: art-related career

36. What’s your favorite music genre?

P: kpop and alternative

K: R&B, hip hop, lofi, kpop

37. If you could live in any country in the world, where would it be?

P: I don’t actually know, I would need to do a comprehensive search of all my options

K: ^^^

38. What is your current favorite songs?

P: Say My Name by Ateez, Noir by Sunmi, Thrilla Killa by VAV, Victory Song by Stray Kids, Beautiful by Monsta X, and Yestoday by NCT U

K: Don’t Hang Up by Suran, Light by ATEEZ, Trauma by EXO, Home by BTS, V by Jay Park

39. How long have you had this blog for?

P: Since late November I think?

K: ^^^

40. What are you excited for?

P: I got tix to see Monsta X!!🤠

K: school ends soon 🤠 can’t wait for summer letsgetit

41. Are you a better talker or listener?

P: Neither, I’m just a mess all around

K: listener, but if I’m comfortable enough around the other person I become a lot more talkative

42. What is the last productive thing you did?

P: I ate breakfast

K: I petted my dog

43. What do you want for Christmas?

P: That’s too far in the future man, idk

K: a macbook

44. What class do you have the best grades in?

P: French and Anatomy

K: art (does that count?) and Physics

45. On a scale of 1-10, how are you feeling right now?

P: Like a 7, it’d be a 9 but I have some projects that I need to finish :(

K: 6 cause I have so much work that I need to finish

46. What can you see yourself doing in ten years?

P: Getting swol💪🏼😤

K: managing an empire of meme accounts

47. When did you get your first heartbreak?

P: We going ✈️sad hours- when someone very close to me passed away

K: I actually don’t know if I’ve ever had a proper heartbreak

48: What age do you want to get married?

P: I don’t plan on getting married I’m gonna live forever

K: it depends honestly

49. What career did you want as a child?

P: You know the usual- actress, singer

K: a doctor/ smth health-sci related

50. What do you crave right now?

P: A full 8 hours of sleep

K: more free time to watch my kpop boys

P: Wow that was a lot of self reflection

Thank you for tagging us @jenoration !

Sorry if you’ve already been tagged, but we tag-

@lushnct @ed3en @softforseo @renminculture @crackteez @jaeminjubescrack

[narcissisticoptimist]

We have history

I.

I barely saw you. I mean, you were right there beside me, we hung out with our mutual friends numerous times. But you kept to the shadows.

The blinding light that was your best friend of the time blinded me for a long while too and it got scary not to see.

Until... i saw you

There u were. U were there all along and i loved your company and it was clear it was you.

We talked endlessly about so many topics for hours on end. We were as philosophycal as lonely and confused 14 year-olds can be.

I remember distinctly talking during christmas about your favorite kind of cake. I remember i was on vacation and you finally started conversation w me on your own but my internet was shit so we cut it short. I remember how frustrated i was that you never expressed care for me and that i tried so hard to get you to do so.

It was good but you had always kept to the shadows and you werent about to stop just bc you liked me back.

When i remember this time i can only talk about my perspective. And that pains me. But i was anxious and i was scared and i was confused.

I thought there was a way in which i *should* behave and i couldnt stray from that. I thought that was a way that in which you should behave and you strayed from that.

And i panicked.

So we stopped our long late night talks.

.

II.

There was still something that united us.

We played dnd and we had this deep bond. It was the four of us, me, you, her and him. We could do anything together, our very own midnight crew, facing the dangers of high school and relationships and mental illness together.

Except now, in my eyes, you glowed. I tried to stop it, i wasnt about to make the same mistake twice.

Still your eyes and your voice and our friendship burned in my heart.

I threw some coins and that was enough for me to decide to try again.

But i was anxious and i was scared and i was confused.

It felt wrong but i wanted it so bad. I forgive myself because i didnt know any better and i needed help and i needed company and i was but a product of my environment, i was someone who didnt think as critically as i thought i did and i kept insisting on this mistake that was so handsome and so funny and so warm to me.

Then my time ran out.

.

III.

24 hours of flight to japan and a few weeks later you were still in my mind.

"Ill do my best on this exchange year and ill forget him. Were just friends and thats all i can expect us to be." I lied to myself.

I hoped and fantasized abt coming back and us finally living the love story we were meant to live.

Until i actually *did* move on.

But i was still anxious and scared and confused.

Relationships scare the shit out of me. So it wasnt you, in a way. I just had to let myself deal with it alone and it felt good.

And i came back and we were just friends and it felt good.

You said to me one day "fuck i forgot how when youre here theres just this light and warmth around"

One day, in a feat i thought id never do, i said i love you to you but in the most platonic and sincere way, because i did. And you said it back.

Your friendship was great and it was unbelievable to be back somewhere i belonged after a year getting tossed around.

Until

My eyes played tricks on me again

Your smile, your laughter

But you were dating.

Your hair, your beard

But we were getting more tender

Your hugs, your smell

Then you broke up.

.

IV.

It was great timing, really. Kissing other people, something i was scared to do for the entirety of my 17 years of life suddenly wasnt so unfathomable.

And the same day i kissed for the first time, the same day i kissed a girl for the first time, the same day i kissed two people at once for the first time, i kissed *you* for the first time.

The exact same day you broke up w her. That night, i had no idea how you felt, but i wanted something and i got it.

It wasnt all that much honestly. Better than the others though.

The next day i went to school and i smiled the whole day. It was such a feat i had done. I, who was scared of phisical contact, who felt i had been toyed with by you, got kissed by you. And you liked it.

But it wasnt all flowers and sunshine. You felt troubled abt your break up and though we hugged and cuddled the next few times we saw each other, you never wanted to go further, you said you were confused.

But i was stronger and better, no longer anxious and scared and confused (or so i thought)

I kissed other people and moved on, you got more distant

I got more serious w someone and that blew up in my face

And you were there. I cried and so did you.

I try not to cry in front of others but youre on another level. You were so vulnerable w me. That was again, how our platonic friendship love flourished again.

I wanted to treasure that, not ruin it again just bc you were my first and apparently eternal crush.

But we kissed again

.

V.

And we kissed again. But it was no expectations, just fun. And it was a lot of fun.

We fooled around but you didnt pressure me. I did my best not to fantasize bc i know im prone to and we did well.

But yesterday was different.

Our fun was so much more tender and caring (while also painful like you like it)

We talked.

And it had been so long!

That took me off my guard just much as our kissing and our touching did. The fact that i had no expectations makes me so proud of myself. The fact that you said, word by word, that you wanted to fuck me, that expression of your want for me makes *me* so proud of *you*!

Because we have history, i know whats hard for you to say. I know your insecurities and you know mine. I can talk to you freely and so can you.

I hope we keep adding pages to our history.

.

BG

27/07/2019

[the-elegant-espeon]

I was tagged by @vanilla107

1. What takes up too much of your time?

social media (mostly here/twitter with discord and amino sprinkled in) reading and pokemon as well

2. What makes your day better?

talking to my friends, both on and offline ones!

3. What’s the best thing to happen to you today?

today was pretty lazy but I caught a Detective Hat Pikachu in PoGo! (it appears when you take pictures of your caught Pokémon instead of Smeargle to promote the movie)

4. What fictional place would you like to go to?

any show that I love tbh, so Duckburg/other places in the Duckverse Hogwarts/ harry potter’s world

also the pokemon world OBVIOUSLY 

5. Are you good at giving advice?

I try my best!

6. Do you have any mental illness?

I have ADHD

7. Have you ever experienced sleep paralysis?

no that sounds terrifying 

8. What musician inspired you the most?

Lindana, Love Handel, and the Hex Girls

9. Have you ever fallen in love?

no! I think I crush on ppl easily, but I need to get to know them better before I “fall in love” that also would entail knowing some of them irl

10. What’s your dream date?

see a movie, go for a walk, and then hang out and talk

11. What do others notice about you?

My smile!

12. What is an annoying habit you have?

I pick at my lips and my fingernails a lot. mostly because I get fidgety and need to do something

13. Do you still talk to your first love?

never really had one so no? technically?

14. How many exes do you have?

zero

15. How many songs are in your playlist?

oof about 249 in my regular playlist, because some of the versions were taken off amazon music and I haven't replaced them yet

on my disney/kids music playlist I have 291 but only because I just dumped the Detective Pikachu soundtrack in there so I didn't forget. once I listen through it ill remove some that I don't like as much/instrumentals

16. What instruments can you play?

I can kinda play piano. took lessons for a few years and can still remember the basics

17. What do you have the most pictures of?

pets and screenshots of stuff

18. Where would you like to go before you die?

Japan and England are the two that come to mind right now

19. What is your zodiac?

Cancer

20. Do you relate to it?

Yep!

21. What is happiness to you?

curled up on the couch reading a good book

22. Are you going through anything right now?

im in a group project with two ppl that are kinda difficult to work with. they just need a lot of direction, and I can't always be that person to direct them.

23. What’s the worst decision you ever made?

leaving this one blank for now

24. What’s your favourite store?

the book loft is such a great place! its a local bookstore that just has rooms and rooms and rooms of books. like you think you've finally gone through all of the rooms and then more just appear. its one of those places that looks tiny on the outside but in reality is huge

25. What’s your opinion on abortion?

Her body her choice.

26. Do you keep a bucket list?

nope

27. Do you have a favourite album?

been listening to Jack Johnson’s Curious George album lately. a few of the songs were already in my playlist but hearing all of them really brought back memories. honorable mentions to Daft Punk’s album Discovery, used in the movie Interstella5555 (such a great movie btw) and Michael Buble’s Caught in the Act (live) album, another one that brings back lots of memories.

28. What do you want for your birthday?

not much, probably some books and Pokemon stuff

29. What is most people’s first impression of you?

anywhere from lots of energy to a little shy

30. What age do you seem according to most people?

people have thought I was like 20 (this was a few years ago and granted I was dressed up)

31. Where do you keep your phone while you’re sleeping?

next to me on my bed so I can hear my alarm

32. What word do you say the most?

Fork! (or around people my age Fuck!)

33. What’s the oldest age you would date?

19/20

34. What’s the youngest age you would date?

because im about to turn 18, the youngest i’d date is 17 1/2

35. What job/career do most people say would suit you?

gonna think about this one too

36. What’s your favourite music genre?

a few pop songs here and there, and a bunch of other random stuff. also musicals

37. If you could live in any country in the world, where would it be?

id love to live somewhere with ancient buildings tbh

38. What is your current favorite song?

All Will be Well by the Gabe Dixon band. its an older song but it’s in one of my favorite episodes of Parks and Rec, End of the World. my favorite song released in the last few years is Simple as This by Jake Bugg

39. How long have you had this blog for?

two years!

40. What are you excited for?

hanging out with some of my best friends next week!

41. Are you a better talker or listener?

I can talk a lot about some things, but I love to listen too

42. What is the last productive thing you did?

I started making a map round to look like the earth, tomorrow im going to make it spin in Premiere

43. What do you want for christmas?

I celebrate Hanukkah, but I’ll probably want something for my Switch

44. What class do you get the best grades in?

right now im only in one class, but I have a good grade in it! I generally enjoy Language Arts/English classes and Arts classes!

45. On a scale of 1-10, how are you feeling right now?

7, im a little tired from doing nothing all day lol

46. What can you see yourself doing in ten years?

have a job that I love and a wife/gf as nerdy as I am!

47. When did you get your first heartbreak?

when my ex-best friend’s family started getting all weird when my parents split up. to make matters worse I occasionally run into her at the theater sometimes. then there was that one time, years later, when we went to the same pool, hing out there for a while, and then she was like, “sorry im have my bday party here and im only allowed to invite 6 ppl and you're not one of them”

(shoutout to her dad for being pretty cool tho)

48. What age do you want to get married?

mid-late 20′s but if it happens later that’s ok. this is just the earliest I'd like to be

49. What career did you want to have as a child?

an astronaut 

50. What do you crave right now?

im always craving ChipotIe tbh

tagging @pit0hui @metachiral and @thefangirlmonarchy 

(don't feel like you have to do this)

[lovebunnie]

Do all the asks coward

1. what does your wallet look like?

-i got it as a present from my uncle for christmas and its really expensive but also so ugly im sorry uncle tom. its like that ‘southern fashion’ bullshit that white MAGA moms wear. but it was better than my old wallet, which looks like this and i got when i was 12:

2. favorite color?

- baby pinnk

3. do you own a pride flag, or more than one?

-heres the thing: my parents basically know im not straight but i havent told them. my brother has thought i was a lesbian since freshman year, i have a small pride pin on my backpack, ive never been on a date, its complicated. but no, i dont have one. maybe one day, hopefully.

4. describe your favorite outfit

-black pants, platform doc martens, hoodie under a jean jacket, one clip on earring, and holding my crushes hand :]

5. when was the last time a girl made your heart flutter, and what’d she do?

-okay so theres this girl in my theatre class who is really cute, and she put her head on my shoulder and shes pagan so she drew a little sigil on my arm that means “safe and homely” so like :)))))))))))))

6. do you use nail polish?

-i do, i mostly do black tho

7. do you keep organized?

-absolutely. i have things online filed accordingly, i pick out my outfits the day before, my binders are neat, i learned how to army fold my shirts, i keep my shit CLEAN

8. ever take naps?

-only accidentally. ill be laying in bed watching youtube and next thing you know my autoplay has me watching a markiplier video even tho i dont like him and its 4 hours later

9. who was your first crush?

-idk if this is a real person or not so ill do both. my first fake person crush was either troy from high school musical or frankie stein from monster high. and my first real crush was on a boy named dominic in elementary school. i told him i liked him at the end of 5th grade because i thought i was switching schools but then i didnt and we never spoke again.

10. what are your crush tendencies? fall hard or often?

-both both both. i am the worst with crushes. i have crushes all the time because im romantic and a fucking fool. i have 3 crushes off the top of my head rn and i like them all for different reasons. thats not to say that i want to date them, but its that i like them a lot and i kinda wanna kiss their cheek or hold their hand idk

11. describe your ideal day

-play overwatch with my best friend (u gonble >:) ) then hang out with my cat, go get a smoothie, buy some cool shoes or something, take a shower and be asleep by 9 :,)

12. describe your ideal date

-i have stated that build a bear is an amazing first date and im NOT BACKING DOWN. ITS CUTE AS FUCK AND ILL ACCEPT NOTHING LESS!!

13. whats your favorite food?

-either sushi or strawberries :3c

14. who do you feel most comfortable around?

-my theatre class, people from camp, and gobble

15. what is your favorite compliment to receive?

-i dont have a favorite, any and all are going to make my face go red so i have to cover it and maybe make me cry

16. did you/do you like highschool?

-the first 3 years fucking sucked but senior year has been amazing so far. mostly because i just kinda stopped giving a fuck but its amazing

17. favorite animal?

-i think its cats now. i really like cats

18. do you like your name?

-eh, its okay. its pretty but also it seems like there are 60 million fucking people named grace and its so annoying. i wish it was something more unique idk

19. what kind of weather is your favorite?

-a light rain. no swinging trees or thunder, just lots of rain. its nice to stay inside and feel secure

20. do you believe in horoscopes?

-absolutely not. but theyre fun if you like them

21. tell us about your music taste

-its horrific. to sum it up, my two favorite musicians are the gorillaz and frank sinatra. take from that what you will

22. have you had your first kiss? if so, what was it like?

-i havent had my first kiss yet. gonna be honest, i felt like i was going to, a few times at camp and recently when classes ended. but yeah, nothing yet

23. did you have a favorite stuffed animal as a kid?

-i went thro cycles of favorites. but one ive had for years is a plush shadow the hedgehog from universal studios i got when i was 6. i used to carry him around, even to a pool once

24. what time do you usually wake up and go to bed?

-if you know me, you know i go to bed ridiculously early. i usually get tried at around 6pm and fall asleep between 7:45 and 8:30. and i always wake up before 6 am. i havent slept past 6 am continuously since the end of junior year. please help me

25. what dream trip would you take with your wife?

-maybe to go explore new york, just the two of us that sounds like fun :]

26. do you have any pets?

-i have 2 dogs and a cat. the family owns the dogs but that cat is mine

27. what pair of underwear is your favorite?

-uhhhhhhhhhhh i have some with rainbows that are cool? i dont have favorites, none of them are cute anyway

28. what makes you smile?

-funny jokes make me smile real hard, and if you compliment me at the right time, i kind of pull my legs up and hide my face? its cute and charming i promise

29. what makes you feel heavy?

-in both the physical and metaphorical sense, eating bread

30. what makes you feel better?

-watching bo burnham always makes me feel better, hes my go to whenever im really depressed

31. how do you show your love?

-i show my love in everything i do. everything i do is for love, i love love so much its sickening

32. when is it time to get a haircut?

-whenever u want to lol?

33. where would you live if you could live anywhere?

-maybe san francisco, its beautiful and i love the city

34. do your friends and family take good care of you?

-as much as i allow them to. sometimes i go days without communicating and i know thats annoying but my friends put up with it (they shouldnt have to, i know) and my family is okay. its cliche to say, but they honestly dont understand what im going thro alot of the times, esp with my anxiety and shit

35. have you always used the labels you use now?

-back in the beginning of highschool, i used they/them pronouns and identified as asexual/aromantic. eventually, it didnt feel right, so i know identify as cis and bisexual and that feels right to me

36. what makes you laugh?

-my friends, when people shit talk gobble and i in overwatch even tho???? we didnt know him?????? and the mcelroys always get me

37. who is your favorite fictional character?

-too many options, see list here

38. who do yo admire?

-my father when hes not threatening to throw my phone into a fucking lake and my friends for putting up with me

39. describe yourself in three words

-i am baby

40. how long does it take you to get ready in the morning? 

-usually about 45 min, more or less as each day goes

41. what do you wish you could tell your younger self?

-listen: STOP GIVING A FUCK ABOUT OTHER PEOPLE. YOU WILL NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN, BE YOURSELF. STOP HIDING AND BEING SCARED OF YOURSELF, BE GENUINE!!!!

42. what would you do if you win the lottery?

-get my parents settled, see about other family members, and then distribute the money to charities accordingly, starting with flint and getting them water

43. would you call yourself a romantic?

-yes

44. what is your gayest childhood memory?

-my mom had cosmos magazines

45. do you have tattoos or want any?

-i dont have any tattoos but ive been obsessed with them since the 6th grade. id love to get tattoos, i just dont know what or where and also im afraid of pain

46. whats your worst habit?

-either biting my thumbs, starving myself, or ghosting my friends. prob ghosting my friends

47. what are you proud of?

-i guess coming out of my shell finally? idk, i actually have friends now and it feels amazing tbh. im in 5 group chats now. i havent been in a group chat since 6th grade. :))))))

48. did you know that youre actually a gift to the world, for real?

-hi i love you?

49. whats your favorite memory?

-there are so so many. but what comes to mind first is our dance night at camp where we all stood outside and i finally gave ian my tumblr and we all ran inside to dance to mr. brightside then ran outside again and we requested nightcore and rivers was fucking dancing their hearts out and we all sang along and im going to crying just typing this out

50. do you have a sweet tooth?

-i guess so. too much makes me feel like shit but i do really enjoy smarties

51. what do you like most about yourself?

-this is dumb, but my sense of style. since i got a job ive been wearing shit i actually like and its amazing. ill admit i have cool clothes

52. what makes you fall for a girl?

-besides acknowledging me, probably getting to know me and not like, putting me on a pedestal. idk its weird, ive met a lot of people this year who like to place me so high it feels like i cant make a mistake around them without disappointing them. idk, i want someone to call me out on my bullshit instead of assuring me im okay. i want to know what i do wrong so i can fix it

53. make a recommendation

-for what? uhh okay for music, listen to ‘clay pigeons’ by michael cera (yes i know michael cera) and for television, watch bojack horseman and for movies, watch the docuseries called ‘7 days out’ on netflix

54. have you ever had your heart broken?

-yeah, when i broke up with maddy because we werent ready to date. i cared and continue to care about her and i didnt want to hurt her but i knew its what we both needed. its what i needed, atleast. and i cant be a good girlfriend if i feel like im doing badly. but also ive had friends break my heart and family break my heart. but im okay now, this heart is ready to be broken again

55. when do you feel most yourself?

-def when i was at camp, that place is magical in the way it allows you to be yourself. but also when i talk to gobble because hes my best friend and when im at college, we can talk more and its gonna be dope as shit

56. name a gorgeous celeb

-jake gyllenhaal jake gyllenhaal jake gyllenhaal 

57. what are some of your favorite songs this week?

-fake happy by paramore, im not okay (i promise) by my chemical romance, tomorrow comes today by gorillaz

58. tell us 2 or your biggest hopes and fears

-biggest hopes: i publish a book someday & i get a job doing something i love

-biggest fears: i end up homeless and broke & something horrific happens in college

59. what flavor chapstick/lipbalm is the best?

-raspberry i guess

60. are you okay?

-i answered a lot more honestly then i shouldve for some of these and i start new classes tomorrow so im feeling really anxious so im doing alright i guess.

gobble you test me but i do love you

[bts-love-sweat-tears]

Julie’s Love Yourself Concert Diary

Concert Date: September 29, 2018

Written: September 30, 2018

Warnings: I curse more than I should?

Words: 3,330ish-added a few  things at the last minute (phew!)

A/N:

[Update: Tumblr couldn’t upload all my photos that I spent awhile choosing and placing, so I’m going to have to pare it down. Sorry bbs! I opted to cut my personal & merch photos in favor of the boys]

So I have one thousand and one things I should be working on-for school, for work, for my eventual job hunt. But instead I am going to write about last night’s experience while it was still fresh in my mind. I was thinking of doing a song-by-song play-by-play, but you can look up the setlist on Wikipedia, so instead I am going to talk about the things that jumped out at me. WARNING: This is essentially one giant spoiler, so I will try to put a “Read More” cut, though it’s been being weird for me lately. So scroll carefully if you’re going to a later date and don’t want to know. All photos taken on my (now ancient) iPhone 6, so I tried to choose the best ones). Will edit as I see typos I made.

I’m a little nervous since I usually write fiction instead of sharing my personal experience. Anyway, full disclosure that this is just my perspective, and I’m (always) happy to discuss things (civilly) if you disagree with me.  <3  Photos and opinions are mine.- please don’t re-post anywhere else.

The Background/ Pulling a Namjoon and Leaving my Ticket at Home

Even though I was going to the Saturday show, I flew into LaGuardia using frequent flyer miles on Friday morning. I was staying with a friend in Queens, so I went straight to her apartment. I’m a grad student as most of you probably know at this point, so I spent most of Friday working on a paper that was due. I had two friends I met at last year’s concert going to the Friday concert, and they went for merch promptly at 9, but I had just arrived and had a deadline to meet for school.  Around 4:30PM, I decided that I was done for the day and opened Ticketmaster to print my ticket for the next day’s show. When I logged in, I saw the notice that the ticket had been mailed to me. I remembered having seen that when I bought the ticket in May, but in my defense I was jet-lagged and ill on that day. Furthermore, I moved to and from NYC in that time for a summer internship, and SO MUCH HAD HAPPENED. The tickets had been mailed while I was living here and I had never seen them, so somehow it slipped my mind. Obviously I lived too far away, but I didn’t know if I could express overnight them, but I think when I called Ticketmaster, the old ones were deactivated when the guy tried to send me the link.

Anyway, print at home was not an option, so I called Ticketmaster and in a panic explained my situation. They said it happened all the time and offered to send me a link. Luckily I kept the rep on the line, because it turned out that even they couldn’t email a link because of the anti-scalpers/fraud/whatever.

Then the rep said that I could show the credit card, but I had literally cut it up the week prior since the Vendor (e.g. the store that the card was through) had switched their card to a different bank (e.g. Visa to Mastercard), so I seemed shady af, even though I was telling the truth. He said as long as I had a login to a statement showing the transaction (I didn’t, since they had opted to close the account at an institutional level).  So I called my mom frantically, and luckily she is the hyper-organized type who keeps paper copies of everything and sent them to me. Seriously, Mom for the win!  I run to this print shop as it’s closing and print everything out.  I had the Ticketmaster receipt & order #, and two photo ID’s confirming my address. The guy said it should be fine, but I was on the verge of a mental breakdown. This was my one birthday gift and something I had been looking forward to for months. Anyway, my friend and I went out to a local bar near the Halsey (yes, the singer took her name from the station) stop on the L line, and I was super anti-social because I was so upset. I also burst a blood vessel in my eye  (it will heal, no worries) because of too much birthday partying the prior weekend, so I’m sure I was a (sour) sight to behold.

I slept poorly for obvious reasons, and left the apartment around 7AM, and arrived to Prudential center around 8:30ish. There were only a few people outside of will call, but the GA line was already wrapped around the building. I made small talk with people outside of the box office, and one woman told me she had gotten soundcheck both days. Seriously, what kind of karma do I need for that to happen to me? She and her friends had been camping out since Thursday, and they were SUPER organized: while she waited in line, one was at merch, and someone else was holding their GA site. I almost wondered if they were a fansite or something. ARMY are a truly organized bunch (except for me, clearly).

Anyway, after another half hour of pure anxiety, they opened up will call and I was panicking, but they were really helpful and gave me my ticket after I verified the order number, showed my id and confirmed some other personal data. I decided then and there that nothing else mattered and I was just happy to be there and be in.

Waiting in line/Logistics/Staff

I left the box office, and got into the GA line. It was probably around 9:15, and the line had already doubled-back on itself all the way around the building. The woman from earlier told me that her friend had got #1000 and was only 3 rows back, so I still had some hope. Basically, you line up to get your spot in line- though it’s kinda dumb that you have to line up twice, it makes security go faster and guarantees that there isn’t a huge surge/stronger people cutting  in line later.

I wore what I thought were my most comfortable shoes, but after standing on concrete for hours, I don’t think it makes a difference. People were so friendly though-  I never once felt awkward even though I was by myself. The same was true last year- the friends who had gone up for merch on Friday I met while in line at last years’ Wings concert. I chatted with people around me, drank the two bottles of water I had, and looked at my phone. Bring an umbrella for shade and sunscreen though-I didn’t and am rocking a nice farmers burn/tan today.  It wasn’t humid though, and it wasn’t raining, so it could have been so much worse.

Even though there were tons of people, everyone was well-behaved. I didn’t see any altercations, though as the day went on the staff seemed a bit overwhelmed with crowd control.  I didn’t see too many people selling unofficial merch like last year, though I did buy a few necklaces (Joon and Chim, ofc).

After 3.5 hours, I finally got my wristband. They told us to be back by 2pm to line up for real, as they were going to try to open the doors at 3 instead of 3:30 (didn’t end up happening).

Merch

I then ran to merch, but there wasn’t much left. The fans/pickets were selling out as I got in line, and people were basically yelling “NOOOOOOOO” everytime the staff put up a “SOLD OUT” sticker. I bought what I could that was left, including a bracelet, which I’m actually in love with, the eco-tote (super overpriced tbh, $50 for a canvas bag), but the shopper bags were gone and I needed something to carry the box and batteries V3 ARMY Bomb I bought. I had one from last year that I also forgot, but I think the new version was cool because they are synced up with the music so you can change colors and patterns along with everyone else. Overall, it’s EXPEN$$$$IVE, but if anyone’s worth it, it’s Bangtan.

Newark

I was getting super tired after this, so I kinda passed on the photo studio table, big poster, and UNICEF stuff. I tried to go to Starbucks, but even though it was the middle of the day, I didn’t feel that safe, even though it was like 11:45 in the middle of the day. I’m a 27 year old who’s lived in Latin America (which is generally stereotyped for violence), solo traveled around the world, and I’m from the Rust Belt (aka home of true urban decay), but that part of Newark sketched me the heck out. Probably it would have been fine, but I opted for caution, and went to a Dunkin Donuts and empanada place right around the corner. The timing was actually good since we had to get back pretty quickly to line back up.

The second line was where the staff struggled, telling people to back up and get in order, but it seemed like staff were doing different things. Plus, if they wanted people to back up, they should have created room at the back first, before telling the front to basically “back that ass up” on the people behind them.

GA vs. Seated

I can say this- if you are short, you probably want a seat. Or if you have any kind of knee, back, or joint problems- I stood for approximately 14 straight hours on concrete yesterday. I am just under 5”5” but I was probably one of the taller people in the crowd, so I had a pretty good view. Even though they asked people to not take videos or record, you WILL be looking through a sea of cell phones. I could see pretty well, but sometimes when they were on the main stage I had a hard time seeing around other people’s arms.

Last time I had P2 seated, and the view was wonderful. I went to the bathroom, charged my phone, and ate nachos (lol), so it was generally a more chill experience. I was still super close but up a little higher and could see absolutely everything. But last night I was SO close I could see Joon’s dimples irl, and got splashed by both Jungkook and J-Hope when they threw the water bottles.  Probably 100 people think this, but I’m also pretty sure Yoongi  (and maybeeee Jimin) saw me jumping and singing along like crazy since I was one of the taller people. At the very least, Yoongi keep looking in the general direction I was in. Ofc I looked gross af with my messed up eye and crazy hair, but what I loved about the concert is that I was 100% able to forget all the insecurities I carry around with me on a day to day basis and have an AMAZING time.

Of course the whole place is crazy high energy, but I feel like last night was INSANELY high. I’m not sure if it was the overall vibe or if that was the GA influencing my opinion.  It just depends on what kind of experience you want to have. Also, if you are claustrophobic, you should probably pass on GA. The guards kept forcing people to back up, at one point even coming in with a flashlight, and people would surge forward whenever a member came close. But someone said the night before was chill, so maybe it’s just luck of the draw.

The Show

The show was absolutely amazing. They opened with IDOL, which got people hyped from the get-go. Their dancing was ON POINT as always. People were chanting during the intro videos and chatting as it filled in, so it was a great vibe once again- just super happy feeling. The audio visual part was AMAZING, though I’m no pro, and I loved all of the concert outfits, especially Jimin’s super sparkly sweater. Lots of jumping, and lots of screams. I didn’t have earplugs and was fine, but if you’re sensitive to loud sounds I definitely recommend them. ISTG I remembered hearing a mashup of FIRE, but maybe not? Wikipedia seems to think not. But they played a few older ones too, which made me so soft and nostalgic.

More on the members during the concert

Kim Namjoon

Ok, this is so so so biased, let me start with that. If you’ve followed me for any amount of time, you know how much I love this man. Seeing him smiling and happy was amazing. And they had a professional translator for this concert, so I felt like Joon was able to relax a little and enjoy himself instead of worrying about translating for everyone else.  He is just as tall and proportional as everyone says he is.  Everyone talks about how soft he is these days (and I love it), but he has undeniable charisma when he raps. Plus him in sunglasses, ddaeng. Seeing him so close was akin to something spiritual for me (I SAW THE DIMPLES WITH MY OWN EYES), as were people shouting along with him to “Love.” At the end, he commented how we were all sharing the same air, and hearing him think the way (I know at least some of ) us think was so heartwarming.  

Also during some of the videos, there were some NOT AT ALL subtle Minjoon moments.  

Kim Seokjin

The crowd last night ADORED Jin and gave him all the attention he deserves to have all the time. People were chanting his name SO LOUDLY during instrumental breaks in Epiphany. His voice was phenomenal, particularly the high notes. it’s clear how hard he’s worked to make it sound so effortless.  I noticed that people weren’t moving as much during some of his notes and I can only think it’s because we were literally transfixed. It’s well established, but I don’t think this man has any bad angles. Even in the still pictures I took while dancing, he DOESN’T look awkward in any of them. #impossible.

Min Yoongi

Suga was clearly happy about something last night- he was SO cute and happy. Other ARMY on the train back to the city agreed with me. His rapping was fire (duh), but he was really smiley and took out his earpiece a number of times to hear us screaming. “Seesaw” starts with him laying on a couch and I can think of no better way to capture his true soul (lol). He was extra attentive to fans, and  I feel like what Tae mentioned in Burn the Stage, he was trying to memorize ARMY’s faces and live in the moment. I felt bad because there were clearly parts where he wanted us to sing along, but we couldn’t necessarily keep up with his tongue technology :P  But people definitely tried their best.  

Jung Hoseok

Idk what I can say here that’s new. J-Hope is one of the most charismatic members on the stage. And there’s something in the American air that turns him into Jay Hope. Seriously, he’s hard to move your eyes away from. “Just Dance” was the first solo track if I remember correctly and he did not disappoint. His glasses at the end were adorable, and one of the other members called him a “happy grandfather” or something like that.  Seriously, if you’re still sleeping on Hobi, we can’t be friends.  

Park Jimin

Jimin was ethereal as always, and the choreography for Serendipity was…..salacious, to say the least. Like if you thought the “Take Me Down” cover from last year’s Festa was too much, then idk what to tell you. Bring holy water or something. Despite  the free water that fans were providing to others (ARMY are seriously the best) there was a different kind of thirst occurring, if you smell what I’m stepping in. Jimin is pure charisma, like J-Hope. Obviously their styles are totally different, but when they move, you stop whatever you’re doing and watch. Again, I didn’t even see many ARMY bombs moving during Serendipity- I think we were too entranced. I personally thought that he killed his vocals and did great, but he seemed a little tired or like he was working hard at it. Jimin was also the one (at least that I saw from my angle) that got the closest to the fans, crouching down and leaning over the teleprompters/fans/lights/ whatever the black boxes were at the edge of the stage.

Similar to Tae and Yoongi, I saw him looking at fans A LOT during the show. He was exactly how he seems in V Lives and cameras, and I’m fairly certain I would spontaneously combust if I ever ran into him irl (even if I didn’t know who he was)- he just radiates warmth and friendliness. Seriously, if I believed in magic, I feel like he would be able to influence people’s emotions.

Kim Taehyung

So many fic writers have this ultra primal (for lack of a better word?) for Tae, but all I see is a cute sweetheart. Obviously I’ve never seen someone create as much tension with their own arm as he does during Singularity, but when he’s not dancing, I just got a super innocent, cutesy vibe from him. His voice was so smooth last night. I mean, I knew, but now I KNOW.  He actually was shooting hearts at one fan (how lucky they are), and pretended to fall down when they shot him back! They were further back in P2 as well so he really does work hard at paying attention to everyone. He actually called over another member (maybe Yoongi or Jimin? I was too busy trying to remember how to breathe, to see whatever he was seeing).

At the end he whipped a heart out of his beanie (how I pray to god someone got that moment on camera) a la Jin. He just seemed really comfortable in his own skin last night, and I was so grateful for it.  

Jeon Jungkook

I had a hard time seeing most of his Euphoria performance as it was relatively early on and people were taking a shit ton of videos. He also stayed mostly on the main stage, rather than come out to the extension area near where I was. His abs are just as great in person, and the screams were (as is to be expected), absolutely deafening. They’ve talked about it in shows, but his voice is  SO stable. Obviously they stopped at times and don’t use too much backing vocals, but it sounded EXACTLY how it does on the album. He threw something into the crowd  (I think a banner) at the end, and it FLEW so far-back to P2 or further. They’re not kidding when they talk about how strong he is.  

Final thoughts

At first, I was a little exhausted after my emotional trauma of the prior day, and from standing for so long but the minute it started I forgot everything else. I was salty when I couldn’t see that much bc of people recording (esp when they asked us not to), but I understand the specialness of the moment and wanting to have some tangible evidence that you were there. By the time the concert was over, I realized how special GA was, even if it’s more difficult logistically (since I went solo and didn’t have parents or friends to stand in). I still don’t know if it’s hit me that I was like 10 feet away from them, max. It reaffirmed how important they are to me. I didn’t write this to brag, but to hopefully share my perspective and let others live vicariously through my experience. If you want clarification or anything else, write to me!  

[chronicallyinspiredx-blog]

how it all started...

I started my period around age 13, and from my very first period, it lasted around 9 days and it was heavy, i remember having to change every 2/3 hours during school, and i also even leaked through during PE which was extremely embarrassing. My periods used to make me nauseous, and i felt faint and lightheaded, back then i didn’t understand any of it, I just thought i was being a drama queen, because it was all new to me. And my Mam always used to say to me “Come on, every girl in the entire world has a period, you can’t have days off school every month” So i dismissed everything I felt, it was normal... apparently.  By age 16, I remember one period in particular, i was in AGONY. Sweating up, so dizzy i could barely walk, and this went on for 3 or so days at the very start of my period. I was so heavy i was bleeding through a pad and tampon every hour and a half. At the time i did have a boyfriend, young i know... but I was sexually active. And my Mam scared me half to death saying it seemed like i was having an ectopic pregnancy, and started saying how id need surgery, id be super ill in hospital. Spent days sobbing in excruciating pain thinking i was pregnant and going to die, but the pain started to fade out, and the bleeding got lighter, i eventually came off my period.  So then i realised, well it would have been impossible to be an ectopic pregnancy so what could it be. I never ever thought anything of it. From then on i got the Depo Injection, and my periods disappeared, it was GREAT. 

Fast forward to age 18, still on the depo injection. I gained a whole lot of weight on it, around 8 stone to be precise, and the doctors said it wasn’t possible for the injection to make me gain that much weight. But i wasn’t eating any different, and i was doing the same amount of exercise, if not more... I played basketball at university level, i trained twice a day, some times 3, yet i had gone from 14 stone to 22. I decided to come off the injection due to the weight gain, it also hadn’t helped very much with my mental health. I had suffered low mood/depression since age 14/15 and it had progressively got worse this time. I had suicidal thoughts, i self harmed, i just genuinely did not see a purpose for me, there was no reason for me to be alive anymore.  Age 19, i had been off the injection for around a year now, and lucky me!! Still no period. I began wondering, when would my periods come back. About 2 weeks after it had hit the year mark, i began bleeding, medium flow. I was changing around every 4 hours, it was manageable, i had cramps but nothing i couldn’t manage. I would take paracetamol and it would take the pains away.  Fast forward 9 months, 2 weeks... still bleeding, over the months it got heavier and heavier. There wasn’t one single day i hadn’t bled. I definitely needed shares in Tampax by this point! Over this time i had been to A&E on 3 occasions with abnormally heavy bleeding, but all they ever did was check my blood count, i wasn’t suffering from Anemia so they told me to wait it out, see if the bleeding stopped on its own. It was called ‘Breakthrough Bleeding’ and this was due to me missing all those periods on the injection. The lining of my womb had started shedding and didn’t know how to stop itself. The bleeding got heavier again, i went to my local walk in centre, and the nurse timed 7 minutes, for me to bleed through a super tampon and a night pad... 7 minutes!! I was also passing clots the size of my hand... Something was up! I got sent straight to A&E again, expecting to be told to go home. I got admitted that night, i spent 4 nights/5 days in hospital. They put it down to a burst cyst, I found out that day i had PCOS, i was told the severity of the cysts on both ovaries would make it very hard for me to conceive children without medical assistance, i was heart broken. I was sent home with tablets called Tranexemic Acid to stop the bleeding, and Norethisterone which stopped and started your periods as and when you took them. After 5 days on those pills, the bleeding stopped. However i was so badly Anaemic, I had no energy at all to even be excited by this. I was on Norethisterone for 3 weeks, then a break for my period. In this time i had searched up something called Endometriosis. EVERY SINGLE SYMPTOM i had matched this. I thought this is great, all i have to do is bring this up next time i see my GP... If only it was that easy. I came off the Norethisterone and found the pain getting worse and worse, the bleeding heavier and heavier. All over again. I couldn’t cope with this, back to A&E. I was sent home instantly... told to come back if the pain got any worse. By 27 hours later, i was barely conscious, the pain had drained me. I went back to A&E and i was admitted again, to get the pain under control... Morphine was my life saver that night. 2 gynaecologist doctors came to see me on that morning, they said there was no reason for me to be in this much pain, maybe i just have a low pain threshold... i was gobsmacked... i brought up my worries about Endometriosis due to my Mams recent hysterectomy, she’d unknowingly had Endo the whole time without realising or having any symptoms. The doctor burst into fits of laughter, nudging the other doctor and she continued to laugh with him. “You’re far too young to have Endometriosis, thats a ridiculous suggestion, you have been using the internet too much. People who are 30+ get endometriosis” then the lady doctor chips in “Why don’t you get pregnant and have a baby, then you wont have periods and you wont have this mystery pain you’re getting” I asked them to leave and i burst into tears. Not only because i was so embarrassed for myself, but i was on a ward with 7 other people, who all heard the conversation. Humiliated with an audience...  From then i had 8 more appointments with Gynae, 4 more hospital admissions. A whole lot of crying and begging for a diagnostic laparoscopy. Until one caring and empathetic consultant finally gave in and signed consent for me to have it. I was put on a waiting list for surgery hopefully within 6 months,