#idk hopefully any of it makes sense but its smth very personal to me

[toastsnaffler]

weekend melancholy is starting to kick in >~<

[neon--nightmare]

How can a parasite devoid of all true emotions, only capable of emitting false personas taken from culture, consider themselves any gender identity?

Just because he has been called a he, and they have been called they, it doesn't define any gender. Sure, he can mean male, but they is used to define when you're unaware of someone's gender, so you use it to be respectful; it does not denote gender.

It is actually kind of disrespectful to people who are transgender, given that a "funky colourful skeleton" suddenly meaning transgender is rather offensive.

b. bro. I’M trans. i’m literally transgender, nonbinary transmasc, and have identified as such since i was ten or eleven? i’ve been diagnosed w gender dysphoria, i’ve been on T, and i plan to get top surgery in the future! I’m trans. (ofc those things aren’t necessary to be trans, but this is for my credibility on your end)

i say fresh is trans because he’s a very personal character to me, so i project that on him, and it makes me happy. i wasn’t born yesterday, man, i know the issue w the entire ‘nonhuman = nonbinary’ thing, bc, again, i’ve IDed as nb for almost ten years, and i would have when i was even younger if i knew the label existed! i wasn’t the one that created fresh or made the decision for him to be explicitly NB/agender, but it’s very personal to me as someone with the same label, so i’m reclaiming it. putting the rest under a readmore bc its long, and this ^ was the most important part imo

to me, it’s like someone who very closely identifies with mewtwo talking abt mewtwo being nonbinary. is mewtwo completely nonhuman and divorced from the human concept of gender? yes! but actual nonbinary people can see themselves in him, even with the negative connotations (that, again, has been a big issue in media for decades,) and reclaim it for themselves. it’s different than someone who isn’t trans or nb calling an alien or robot character nb, because we have the genuine lived experience, and if it makes us happy to do so, especially with such few nb characters in non-niche media that ARE actually human/aren’t some boy/girl fusion, i, personally, don’t see much of a problem with it.

i don’t joke about fresh being nonbinary because he’s a ‘funky colorful skeleton,’ i do it because 1. he’s a character that’s been explicitly identified as agender, 2. i’m agender and 3. he’s a character that’s very, very very personal to me, and it makes me happy to project my experience on him. obviously, he’s not trans, he’s a body-hopping parasite. but it’s something that brings me comfort and makes me happy, man, and that’s why i talk abt it, not bc hes the pinnacle of agender or aroace representation. (which, im also aroace! triple a, etc.)

it’s like how i personally project a lot of my autistic experiences on him, because even though he was never designed as autistic and it would be very harmful if he WAS, i see a lot of myself and my own experiences of completely missing social cues, not being able to truly understand or guess why others react the way they do to things so you come up w 1000 scenarios in your mind to ‘prepare’ before every conversation, and how once hes able to feel it leads to immense constant anxiety, the way letting urself actually feel is so so overwhelming and even tho it’s not healthy its easier to just bottle! was it intended to be that deep? no, but i still reclaim it, bc im just some guy on the internet who likes fresh way too much.

(I’m assuming you came here from my dumb fresh iceberg post, he is actually capable of more than anger and fear after loveball, he can feel joy, love, sadness, but he crushes all of it down because 1. allowing himself to feel those things will get him killed and replaced! by someone better. 2. he has extremely negative connotations with letting himself feel after a series of extremely traumatic events, (somethin else that’s also very very personal to me, and why loveball has been so important to me for years, but that’s another story i’m not goin to go into, esp not here!) especially since it would just lead to a future of horrible breakdowns and 3. his lifestyle and sense of purpose relies on not feeling. on convincing himself he’s still a hollow shell. in his mind, it’s his purpose, it’s the reason he was created. and if he ‘falls’ to the level of all the people he mocks and manipulates for feeling, than what is he?) fresh presents himself as an empty shell, even to himself, but after loveball, he isn’t. but he needs to be, so he lies to himself and tells himself that he’s fine. fresh doesn’t believe he deserves any kind of kindness or redemption. he can’t understand any of it directed at him. hes not just an empty shell or reflection of his surroundings, but he WANTS to be. bc its easier man! it’s less painful! but he cant go back to what he was!

ironically, to me, hes a very human character, while also being so fundamentally alien, he makes sense to me. ofc im not sadistic and i dont purposefully torture people for a living, but! hopefully this makes any sense. i didn’t pull any of this out of nowhere, and i can grab receipts off the top of my head if u need them bc i have so much pointless fresh lore memorized down to the wording (like how i remembered the wording for one of the asks was agendered instead of agender, it’s that bad. i have the Burden of knowledge)

[azucanela]

being sokka’s s/o would include hcs?

BEING SOKKA’S S/O HEADCANNONS [GENDER NEUTRAL!READER]

being zuko’s s/o headcannons | being korra’s s/o headcannons

SUMMARY: being sokka’s s/o from the confession to the marriage

WORD COUNT: 2.3k

WARNINGS: mild lok spoiler, fluff, kissing, do these count as warnings, yeah this is pretty pg man, blood, stab wound, sokka being sokka

A/N: im sick and dying h e l p, but also interact with me im lonely, become and elusive anon idc <3 also wow i have 500 followers??? idk why you all followed me?? but thanks?? hi??

getting into the relationship

oh god 

i see him with a friends to lovers thing where he either flirts with you from the moment he meets you or progressively begins to fall for you and is far to flustered to flirt because woah there why are you so beautiful

if its the former, then he’s probably gonna be ‘joking’ for the most part and you know this, so you two are just playfully flirting all the time until one day he realizes that he wants this to be REAL and panics 

when you flirt the first time he’s flustered, because he’s really just not used to the same level of forwardness that he has himself, but after a while Sokka is gonna get used to it and he’ll just roll with it

but when he realizes he wants more? he’s gonna be flustered all over again, and he’s probably gonna flirt with you signifigantly less, which is gonna cause you to confront him, much to his dismay, because oh no he’s alone with you-

“oh! haha.. hey y/n. yeah i need to go sharpen my boomerang-”

“sokka that’s not something you can do.”

when you confront him, he’s probably gonna be honest with you and tell you how he feels because he really cares for you and just wants you to calm down because no he does n o t hate you

“do you hate me or something now?”

“uh.. it’s the opposite actually you see-”

if its the latter, he’s gonna go from really calm and chill around you, because of the friendly vibes and such like cracking jokes and such, to a complete and utter mess

you two are really close as friends and that isn’t something he wants to mess up but he’s definitely gonna confess at some point because he’s not one to bottle his emotions up and hates how weird things are between the two of you now that he’s realized he likes you

in general i see sokka as a mess around whoever he likes, until he comes to terms with the fact that he likes them, and this likely won’t take long, he’s pretty in tune with his emotions

he’s not gonna wanna ask you out at first, in all honesty, i see sokka’s whole confidence thing as a facade, because in actuality he has really low self esteem and genuinely sees himself as the “extra” member of team avatar because he lacks bending and everyone around him is so talented that he sometimes forgets he is literally super smart and makes all the plans that save their lives on the daily

just things you are too good for him, especially if you are a bender

if you start hinting that you like him too, he is initially gonna think it is a joke until you start getting bold and then it’s gonna hit him like everyone hits the cabbage man’s cart

i can see either of you confessing first, if Sokka does, he’s probably gonna be really bashful and flustered about it, but he’s also gonna try and act cool because thats like his trademark

if you confess first, he’s gonna be in shock temporarily, but then he’s gonna jump right into things because you like him BACK omgomgomgomg 

he’s gonna wanna kiss you right after the confession, and it’ll probably backfire because he got really excited and ended up headbutting you and now you have a bruise forming on your head and a very apologetic sokka oops

in general, quickly recognizes his feelings and confesses shortly after, because he just hates the weird tension even if he thinks he’s the only one feeling it, even though hes NOT

during the relationship

so

a really attentive boyfriend, you will never feel neglected, he’s a very clingy person who gets intimate with you all the time, so if you like affection you got it

kissing him is nice, he’s good at it 10/10 recommend, always wants to hold you as close as possible, prefers a hand on your hip/lowerback and another on your face or neck to pull you closer

if you don’t like affection, he’ll express his love in other ways

for example, cooking, i see sokka as someone who can either cook REALLY well, or not at all. there is no in between. 

genuinely just really wants to make you happy

the type to bully you if you’re in a relationship, pls bully him back, humble this man. he’s gonna roast you but he doesn’t really mean it okay, he’s just doesn’t want things to change between you

loves that his best friend is his lover, would not want it any other way

probably forgets to tell the gaang you are dating and like aang and toph are gonna catch you two kissing or smth and sokka’s just gonna be like oh hey guys and they are both like ???

"when did this happen?”

“wym lol”

if you two are together during the war, he’s gonna wanna be by your side like 24/7 because he does not want you to die, like this lowkey stresses him so much that he will subconsciously, when developing battle plans either put you in the safest possible spot or by his side, and its because he has literally lost so many people he’s care for and now he’s distressed

remind him that he matters and is important to the team, because he forget that sometimes and falls into a mood, where he’s all sad and stuff and it just makes you sad so like

tell him he matters, because he does, tell him he’s great even if he can’t bend, and tell him he is a fantastic and brilliant leader, this will serve as an ego boost though so be prepared to humble him

steal his hair ties and do all of us a favor okay, just steal them, burn them because no littering, just make sure he cannot find them! he will walk around with his hair down in confusion, searching for them before he starts the day

speaking of starting the day, you always wake up first, this man is not a morning person and needs his beauty sleep, definitely have a 17 step skin care routine, change my mind, he is big on self care and will make sure you participate with him because he cares about you

speaking of care he knows you so well since you are his s/o so if he notices something is up he will not hesitate to confront you, and will ask if you want solutions or just someone to listen to

prefers solving the problem though

back to mornings, um have fun waking up to sokka with his hair down that sounds HEAVENLY um

mild lok spoilers but sokka ends up chief, and gets involved in politics over time, so he kinda runs out of time for you a bit until he figures out how to organize his time better, then he gets kinda sad, but he still wants to take you out on dates as often as possible ok no more spoilers

so speaking of dates, sokka wants weekly dates, this is a must, does not care if it is a fancy restaurant, cooking at home, or a picnic. he loves picnics most though, and please notice how food is the common factor here

sokka would never cheat on you but if he did he would cheat with food

arguments aren’t rare, but they are mostly over dumb stuff and you both know its dumb stuff so for the most part its a joke, but sometimes someone takes things too far so then apologies are necessary

like actual argument arguments are mostly rare because sokka doesn’t wanna pick fights with you and he’s fairly passive unless he feels really strongly about something

he can be REALLY MEAN THOUGH AND PETTY like wow sokka will go days without talking to you because of a fight

he can and will apologize first when he realizes the toll its taking on your relationship, probably will apologize first

if you catch him being a misogynist put him in his place :)

 he thinks you are hot when you are angry and might pick a fight with you just for that reason, pls make out with him

marriage n’ stuff

im still waiting for someone to explain what weddings are like guys please

anyways he’s gonna realize he wants to marry you when he nearly dies and is like wow life is really short also lets discuss him losing all the important people he’s loved in his life one more time, he does not want to lose you!!!

ever!!!

so he’s gonna nearly die and then be like i need to propose, like now, i cannot die without being married to the literal love of my life so i should do that literally the moment i get home instead of getting medical attention first

yeah he is the smart one, but he lacks common sense, so i hope you got a LOT of common sense. y’all do be sharing a braincell

stops by a ring shop place, and the moment he just feels like he saw the one, price does NOT matter he has purchased it and is now heading home to you

you on the other hand are PANICKING because what do you mean sokka just ran out of the hospital with no explanation and is nowhere to be found katara

what do you mean you thought he would be h e r e

yes katara went over to your house to see if sokka was there and he is not!!!

yet ;)

there is like a manhunt for sokka and he has yet to notice because mans has tunnel vision and as he opens the door to your shared apartment he does not expect to see a crying katara and oh no-

“SOKKA! YOU’RE NOT DEAD?!”

hes like of course im not dead what the hell

you’re seated standing next to Katara trying to console her when you see sokka and wow you are relieved to see he is not dead or kidnapped

“SOKKA DO YOU UNDERSTAND HOW WORRIED I WAS-”

lol he’s kissing you to shut you up how cute, now leave katara you are infringing on an extremely pivotal moment of this relationship

honestly seeing you comforting his sister just makes him love you more and he kinda just wants to marry you 10x more now 

you pull away from the kiss looking at him like what are you doing, and katara is like, “Sokka where the hell were you??? you have a stab wound???” and now you’re like WOAHWOAHWOAHWOAHWOAH

“stabbed? sokka you need medical attention-”

“to answer your question dear sister, i was getting a ring for your hopefully soon to be sister in law.”

“EXCUSE ME?” you are so confused, katara is confused and is now realizing that she was probably not supposed to be here

sokka is already dropping down onto one knee and pulling out the just bought ring as saying, “marry me!” now he’s high on adrenaline and pain has yet to hit him and he’s kinda just sitting there beaming up at you despite the blood seeping out of him at a rapid rate

“im sorry what?” thats katara girl be quiet they are trying to have a MOMENT

anyways you’re like, “sokka. hospital.”

and he’s like, “answer me first” and he’s giving you a weak lil smile as he realizes how stupid he was and he’s about to stand back up but you put a hand on his shoulder and just nod.

now he’s back to beaming so brightly, and he’s putting the ring on your finger and oh no- he’s passed out. is it from excitement or bloodloss? idk

he also might pass out before hearing you answer and then at the hospital you’re kinda sitting there like, “ARE YOU DUMB STUPID OR DUMB. YOU COULD HAVE DIED.”

and he’s like, “not without hearing your answer” <3<3 heart eyes emojis everywhere

alternatively, he is one of few people i could see having a public proposal, with lots of flowers, a band, fireworks, the whole nine yards

he’s gonna want it flashy

something probably goes wrong and he nearly cries but you say yes anyways and he throws a party after

anyways the actual wedding is preferably public, but if you want a more private one then he does what you want because he loves you most

he is gonna be very active in wedding planning, wants to try the foods and desserts and appetizers and everything especially. wants to do the weird stuff like picking napkins with you and flower arrangements and all that stuff i think this happens idk someone please inform me

this stuff just makes him fall in love with you more tbh, and he’s just so so sure he wants to marry you 

his vows will make HIM cry, like he is going to cry when he sees you walk down the aisle, he’s going to cry when he reads his own vows, and he’s going to cry when you read your vows, it doesn’t matter if they are lowkey bad

makes jokes in his vows because he is a nerd but can barely reach the punchline because he is in tears

fr though he is just so happy to be marrying you and wow you look REALLY GOOD in whatever you are wearing um damn okay you really went off

married life with sokka is elite ngl, mans cooks for you, he probably cleans sometimes, but otherwise chores are fairly divided 

he spoils you

overall sokka is a real great s/o and he gives you everything you deserve and yeah marry sokka 2020 everyone deserves a sokka 

taglists[lmk if you wanna be added or removed via askbox or replies]

atla:  @bubblebars @jada-cleo @Art-flirt @the-deli-meat @wemissyou3000 @ajediherowitchrunner 

sokka: @iammello

[smol-grey-tea]

I was gonna write the romo attraction thing today but honestly i dont feel like doing it bc im just rlly upset about smth that im sure a lot of ppl can relate to

So my irl friend groups are very... well they dont know much about these kinds of things, i had to be a walking encyclopaedia for them about my identities like nb stuff bc they didn't bother to just... look it up.

When i told them i was trans they would say "omg are you actually trans?? I have a trans best friend!!" Yikes

Instead they would ask me to explain it. Which is fine, i kinda hate having to explain for the 5th time that no, using the correct terms and pronouns is not a fucking burden, and that yes, dysphoria is awful and wont just magically go away.

and when i tell them to yk, not use pronouns for me and just use my name instead, not 1 person did that. They just... misgendered me and used she/her when i explicitly told them that it makes me dysphoric. I then told them to use coo/coos/cooself instead bc i quite like it, but they still didnt use it.

Then i gave up and told them to use they/them since it doesnt make me dysphoric even tho i lowkey hate it. They still misgender me but said "they'll try to get used to it". Its not that hard guys what the actual fuck???

Anyway, i was actually going to talk about aspec stuff. So i only told one of them that i was demiromantic demisexual, and they said "wtf is that" which yk is not a nice way to react to someone coming out, but i have thick skin so i just explained it bc again they couldnt bother to search it, and they said "ok ig" and changed the subject when i wanted to explain my attraction???? I've never had anyone that i could talk to about my complicated feelings with being aspec and just when i thought i could i was shut down.

I thought it was over and done with, until they started to... ignore my fucking identity??? Which i would say is way more important and personal to me than my bisexuality??? They never did any of that bs with my bisexuality probably bc they were pansexual themself, but jfc is it that hard to not make jokes about me being horny or having a crush or joking about setting me up on blind dates??? It legit made me so uncomfortable and i have no idea what to say.

Bc remember, they didnt exactly respect my pronouns and kept using gendered terms to refer to me even more after i came out??? I swear it feels like its on purpose every time they called me a girl but whatever

Istg they forgot that im demi bc they keep making these jokes and ignoring that i dont feel sexual or romantic attraction like that and keep acting as if i want to date ppl or fuck them when i say they look pretty??? I spent way too fucking long mistaking my aesthetic attraction for sexual for ppl to once again reinforce this idea and im done with it. Please for the love of god stop it.

I said i liked wilbur and thought he was rlly cute and they then proceeded to, you guessed it, act like im in love with him or that i want to fuck him. First of all, hes a real person on the internet that i do not know, 2nd of all, fucking eww, and 3rd of all, hes a whole ass adult and we r both in high school. Yikes again.

Ofc i didnt tell them these things and just said that i dont like him that way and just thought he was pretty and nothing else. They completely ignored this and thought i was just embarrassed or smth or that i was in denial. Yikes again again.

So yeah. The only lesson i learned is to never come out as aspec to anyone irl ever again. Tbh i kinda want to tell them that im not bi and that i dont feel any kind of attraction. It would be a lie but christ i wish they would stop. They can validate my bisexuality but not my nb or aspec identities? I knew that queer sexualities were more normalized now which is awesome but why cant they do that for trans ppl or aspecs? Why does it have to stop there?

Sorry for venting like this but i thought this might be relatable for yall. Ive never had the experience of feeling "broken" bc of any of my identities, im very confident in them. I just wish other ppl other than my online friends would feel the same.

Also sorry for delaying the romo attraction thingy i just rlly dont feel like it rn. Idk when i will write it but hopefully if i feel better i will finish it today

There's no pressure to write it up dude it's cool :) whenever you're ready ❤

And those ppl do not sound like good friends- idk exactly how old you are but ik I'm older, and I can tell you for certain that you will find better friends one day. It's guaranteed :) they don't deserve your friendship and I am glad to validate and help you in any way you need ❤❤

Yee I've never felt broken either! I think an element of that is that I thought I was allo for a very long time? But on the other hand I was bullied in my childhood for not having attraction so idk why that hasn't manifested into a phobia of romance but eh I'm better off this way whether it makes sense or not.

It makes me happy as well cuz a lot of ppl in the community seem very pessimistic abt how we're treated but it's nice to know that not all of us feel broken cuz the 2 of us are living examples of that :)

But unfortunately yeah, your experiences above are things many ppl can relate to. I'm sure almost everyone can remember a time where they came out to someone and weren't met with good responses,,

Let this be a reminder that this is not right and we deserve more support for something so personal. Even if you don't understand someone's identity that doesn't give you the right to dismiss or ignore them. Our identities are very important and personal to us and supporting them is basic respect.

[neo-shitty]

toffee!

hehe glad i could make you laugh, oooh that sounds awesome! yeah id love to be tagged it sounds great :)

YES the differences are so fucking weird. like, they do know they're the same age right? i feel like its just an exagguration of how much the persons role in the group matters, like we see chan being held up as such a mature, old leader while jungkook who is literally the same age, is still babied etc. like enha hyung line is basically the same age (if a bit younger) as chenle and jisung but somehow the rules are different?? as you point out, still legal but still bizarre. hehe yeah, i mean where else are we going to rant? quora lol. mmm, hopefully more people can just write less smut abt people who are barely adults

ah, no prob it didnt take long. yeah i think thats right (i keep forgetting you know my url lol) mmhmm :( i think if that happened irl there would be some major trauma going on. knock wood it never happens to you or me lol (/hj)

hehe same! oooh glad Redemption For Cheese was realised! yess we cant rllycomplain that theyve written/produced too much good music lol. yeah, ive dragged him into being a stay so *dusts hands off* mission accomplished. mmm yeah, they tend to have a certain vibe but tbh it couldve worked if they were any other group but ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ ahh ur one step ahead of me on the stages of listening to ssick i think, still not convinced but thats okay! hehe, it had to be said. yesss the itch in the back of my brain is very satisfied by sorry i love you, felixs vocals deserve to be appreciated! (side note i feel like hes trying to sing more like his speaking voice, sorta husky, but tbh i wouldnt be mad if he sang like in glow, his sweet honey vocals made my life lol. but i think ive heard him say he doesnt like singing like that cos it makes his normal voice less husky, so what can you do)

> YES SOMEONE SAID IT. seungmin rap KING, he sped thru that rap like it was nothing, he deserves more rap lines. i do like how they gave minho some melodic rap lines this comeback, my guy deserved to show off those skills that made him not be eliminated (flashbacks to stay collectively wanting to murder jyp) and we already know changbin can sing, my man murdered masked singer. hyunjin can obviously sing as can jisung and felix, and i want to hear chan rap more! i feel like he started as part of 3racha (as a rap unit not producing) and then just became a vocalist (which im fine with, but it could be nice to hear him flex his rapping skills) and was partially replaced by hyunjin. anywayyy

back to album talk. lmaooo sad music to twerk to PERFECTLY describes silent cry. yes secret secret is and will always be, a masterpiece. hehe glad i could make you laugh :) i just felt like they have similar vibes. putting off skz stuff bc of not having time to cry IS the kpop stan life summarised. oh my beloved track, red lights. ahh thats okay, we can have different opinions, but by god the lyrics are *chefs kiss*. *banging on table* TWISTED AU TWISTED AU TWISTED AU. yess id love to see ur take on it! sdfghjkl it would have been glorious

no no! not stupid, just able to predict my brainwaves. ooooh thats so cool! makes me want to go there (wherever there is lol) yeah the waves are pretty good here, but none of my familys a surfer, so we dont rlly enjoy the full potential lol. YES moving on to gone away, it is indeed a heartwrenching track, but the vocals and the bloody key change? makes me want to brave being sad just to listen to it. mmm yeah, good point :( i feel like ive just gotten used to overthinking so much so that it doesnt matter what mood im in, ill do it anyway, so might as well just do what i feel like doing anyway.

yeah i think ur right! it is quite comforting knowing that all the tracks will get the love they deserve. i feel like also people assume kpop is just one genre which is utter bs. there are so many different vibes and feels and songs, i couldnt get into kpop (of which i thought only the bright cheerful present day bts stuff existed smh) until i heard gods menu so... idk where i was going with this but yeah. :)

YES FUCK YG, theyre literally on the brink of being kicked out of the big three and they are holding their salvation hostage without letting them do ANYTHING. idek what thought process goes thru their minds but arghhh its so infuriating. yess lisa's cb will be awesome but ot4 is the gold standard here.

hehe, glad u could get to this point. no no! u dont sound like a cult member at all lol yeah, i loooove some of their songs but the whole 23 members thing is getting to me. thats prob a common problem with nctzens but what can i say? im a simple girl with a limit to how many korean boys i can give my money to. atm im just trying to get into ateez and finish memorising enhypen's faces. also kard is kinda sucking me into their fandom atm, as well as eric name lol. ah what can you do? ooh thats good!

hehe i love it too! its exactly like online penpals, that was rlly well put. aww ty! hmm im okay, recovering from a bad case of rsv so thats fun. im doing okay mentally, starting therapy soon (after having to convince my mother that its not just smth i can brush off). physically i wont go into, basically i should be doing stretches to help but they dont completely fix it so my lazy ass doesnt do them, plus i got told recently im going to be stuck with this condition for the rest of my life so thats fun! ah, before you type smth dw abt me ill be fine. the weather atm is cloudy but warm, its been raining on and off today which is good for the garden. uhh i just finished reading sunburnt veils and im in the middle of prom theory which is rlly good. ummm ive got a concert tonight? that i may or may not be able to sing in (bc of the whole rsv thingo) and uhhhh idk. my dog is cute? im drinking tea rn? ive got a school dance coming up?

wbu? hows ur day going, how are you? whats the weather like on ur end? done anything interesting lately? found smth that makes you rlly happy? just any random thing youve been dying to tell someone?

no no! dont apologise, i love these exchanges. i think im happy to continue them for a long time :) on the other hand, if you get tired of them, feel free to just not answer at any time. goodness gracious this was a long ask haha hope it isnt too annoying

<3 w.a. 🐺

sorry it took me a bit to reply, i was fixing my theme ;n;

yeah, i figured it was because of the roles too. my friends and i still get taken aback when 3rd gen idols are the same age as 4th gen ones. in my head it doesn't add up sometimes. PLS THE RANT AT QUORA SKJDK tbh tho it's just going to be normalized as the years pass? esp that the boys are growing older and the amount of explicit fics will just increase. i might have to start blocking tags.

i had to look up the previous ask to remember what we were talking about xd i hope the events in champagne problems never happens to anyone. realistically, it probably happens a lot. damn i really won't wish that pain on anyone. dragging your brother into being a stay i whEEZED JFKSA additional noeasy music enthusiast o.o and ALL I CAN SAY WITH YOU GUSHING ABT FELIX IS AHA WHIPPEEEED OML can't blame you tho, i also want to hear felix sing more in other shades (if that makes sense HAHA) i really hope they'll do the role exchange in the next comeback :( or like in the near future bc i know they can do it :( the day i hear seungmin rapping it i will respectfully pass away. minho was given more lines this comeback thank fUCK i could rmb my irl being vocal abt her frustration. i don't get why minho barely has center time/lines in title tracks??? like the line distribution in the past eras just made me ???? if seventeen can balance lines with 13 members why cant a group of 8 do the same? moving on. i haven't watched the stray kids show simply bc i don't want to cry HAJS but i've seen clips. imagine if skz debuted without minho and felix?!?!? i rmb another irl catching bias feels towards changbin bc of the masked singer only to find out that the man's a rapper. i love how skz's vocals were highlighted this comeback :c there were a lot of mellow tracks! i find it cute when chan sings/raps bc it gets kinda obvious that he's a foreigner? the accent (im not even sure if it's the accent) it just shows. "putting off skz stuff bc of not having time to cry IS the kpop stan life summarised." CORRECT.

abt the twisted au o.O i'll inquire my irl if she wants to write it or not. if she doesn't want to, i'll do it. i miss writing twisted aus <3___<3 and i also miss going to the beach with my friends :' ) but it's starting to get cold here and i don't think i'll be able to enjoy the beach as much as i would if i went beaching in the summer. so maybe next summer? gone away really has an sm-ballad vibe. the thing about skz being a self-producing group, their songs don't sound like typical jype songs? and i just appreciate that bc in all honesty im not a fan of jyp groups at all. PLS the overthinking. i wish i could mute overthinking.

anyone who assumes kpop is just one genre obv hasn't listened to a single track. if kpop was just one genre why do i like some tracks more than the others??? oh you've only recently become a kpop stan? tbh im not a fan of the bright songs of bts either. i liked their older ones *chefs kiss* really matched high school vibes. yg has good artists and they're just wasting the talent ~.~ that strategy they have will get tiring eventually. people will stop waiting on blackpink and move on to newer more active groups ://

HAHAHAH yeah the 23 members is pretty overwhelming! it was the reason i didn't bother stanning before quarantine started. i don't regret stanning tho, met my ult bias in that group <3___<3 i don't really purchase albums unless i like the tracks xd ohhh getting into ateez just in time for the comeback! let me know what you think about them! i was fond of them at some point but grew out of it. good luck with memorizing enhypen! it took me a while to distinguish to people there XD i haven't checked out kard yet but chan plays their songs during lives and they're sexc hype music me likey *u*

i had to look up rsv im sorry. i'm glad you're recovering! please rest more and don't stress yourself out. bro i wish i could go to therapy too bc i have weird issues i can't justify and i need a professional to tell me what's the reason behind it. stuck with what condition btw? what happened? i'm sorry in case i just forgot. yesterday was a bit rainy for me too :(( it's not the type of rainy that makes me anxious so B) oh concert! good luck and i hope you'll be able to sing but i also don't think it's best for you rn :c what's your dog's breed? and yes i just finished drinking tea too. AAAAA i miss school dances :(( the last one i was supposed to have was cancelled bc of covid.

i was less productive today and i'm teetering between being mentally stable and becoming a hermit again. i'm anxious with a lot of things atm so like : D not the best state. today it was a bit sunny but not hot hot which was nice. i changed my theme today bc i couldn't wait for sept. 1st. and no i haven't found anything that makes me happy HAHAHA shit like that's hard to identify. don't have anything to say too, i'm just thinking about why i'm procrastinating too much atm T_T and i'm listening to this rap song atm and one of the rappers sounded like han.

it isn't annoying! i enjoy the long exchanges but i do admit it takes me awhile to type down a reply. so if i get more busy, it'll prolly take a bit longer for me to reply.

[macklives]

session 81 end

wow, okay, first things first

AC!!!!!

shes so fucking cute holy shit i love her so much i dont even know where to begin??

i mean i guess its because im so used to troll snark and the way they just? banter constantly? seeing someone who is a literal ray of sunshine is so refreshing and wholesome and pure. god she’s great. shes a cat, she knows her stuff. she’s strong and theres also this guys???? who shes scared of?? and tells her what to do??? yeah no, idk who it is but let her make her own decisions lol

maybe its just over exaggeration or whatnot, and hes not bad but first impressions do a lot to me and right now the only thing i know about this guy is that AC needs his approval for everything. i guess ill see where that takes us. hopefully nowhere bad. but AC seems like she can take care of herself and knows how to be a good decent troll and i love her for that. wow it literally took me one dialogue to like her. damn, that was fast. jesus.

you know who else is great?

terezi.

yeah i know right. and that whole trial thing, which yeah i guess half the time i was confused by what the fuck is going on since i still cant grasp the idea of how alternia works, but i enjoyed myself with lemonsnout and how terezi roleplays and how much she gets into it. seeing a character that passionate about something is so sweet and nice.

god this was just a nice overall session

which i say, while i completely forgot about the banter TA and karkat got into

right, that happened. oh my god. they both literally stomped all over each other, dissed one another, still made up in the end because apparently thats their friendship and i guess it just works like that. depends on the friends you have, i guess.

its funny though, not gonna lie

and karkat as of now is just being a prick and honestly? 

like more than usual, which i guess is weird to say but i mean from present time to beginning of hivebent karkat. not that its uncommon for him to be a prick, he is, but seeing him go through the non-linear pattern with john is mmmmh interesting to say the least. though we havent seen his first trolling, just him constantly going “oh god what did i say, i was dumb” u know, not in those words but thats basically what he means. 

ooh im gonna analyze, i feel like analyzing right now my fingers have already typed so much as it is MIGHT AS WELL

and our candidate will be *drum rollll* karkat wow predictable (its below the cut because this is literally irrelevant now to the session)

okay, lets lay out the shit we have already. as i said before, the way he talks presently to john (meaning in the future) is so different than how he speaks to everyone now. of course the “i hate the world” personality is still there, and hes still just regular karkat, but karkat talking with john is patient to some extent and tells him what he needs to know for the game, lowkey kinda chills out once they started talking about movies or growing up as huh, didnt he say larvae or smth?

okay that whole grub thing makes sense now as i just wrote that but i am still confused as to what the FUCK that is implying because i dont think it crossed my mind this much, im repressing it for now until it comes up later. 

anyways, back to what i was saying. he was so DIFFERENT than the way he’s acting now which is bitch and moan and like? stfu karkat lmfao. i mean, its not THAT big of a difference in character, because i know he’s still his grumpy old self, and theres a lot of potential.. for growth? not sure if we’ll get it but i like to assume we will get character growth from these characters with fucking 8000 pages talking about them. but a story needs that growth and with karkat being just a straight up angry dude, in MY EYES, he should.. have growth, no? idk HOW he will grow, but im basically just taking what i have right now which isnt much but i analyze things for fun sometimes so let me be.

that being said, because its so early on, im not sure where homestuck is gonna go and i dont have much to go on but being in the psychology course shit happens when you have limited information and you gotta pin point what makes a person a person and how do they cope with things to grow further into life. many of my assignments involve limited info so honestly, not that hard.

but it is something that ive noticed, the way karkat is different as he grows which possibly means the whole veil thing happens later later on in his life and we havent yet seen that small growth become patience and not whining every time he doesnt get what he wants. but growth is common and it mostly likely happens to everyone, so its not like wow this is a surprise and a plot twist, more of something that i just wanna write for the sake of writing it. i hope that makes sense? i dont exactly know where im going with this. i just mean that im basically going to analyse karkat a tiny bit so idk how to otherwise explain it but you’ll get where im going with this as i type more lmao. 

anyways, so karkat literally said “pretend i dont think highly of my friend’s talents” as if he’s visibly trying to force himself from all emotions and bash on those who do (reference: “stop being sensitive, its repugnant” or whatever tf he said while TA replied with “hypocrite”) i take that as a key word. so honestly, while that was the smallest thing ive gotten from this session, its the thing im most curious about actually and i actually havent mentioned lol. because what ive learned in psych, which this is just common knowledge but i did an assignment on it so like?? could be useful?? is that people who hold off their emotions tend to hold off others as well, so there is no chance of mirroring each other. in other words, if someone is happy and starts to laugh and goof around with another, the emotions will mirror that other person subconsciously. like an addictive laugh. theres also another way to show mirroring, which is to mimic another person's actions, allowing another to establish a sense of empathy and thus begin to understand another person's emotions. in this case, im using TA and karkat as example. people who suppress emotions tend to see emotions as a bad sign and if somebody else portrayed any sign of it as well, they’ll basically say “gross what are you doing” because theyre so used to concealing it away, that they dont want others to think theyre into the whole mushy shit. so they pretend to hate it, pretend to not even be slightly affected by general sensitivity..

which basically means karkat is a softie, and even if he’s a prick right now, meeee thinks john, from earlier convos, is growing on him because john himself knows how emotions work and while i dont think troll culture does know much about it, considering the BLOOD AND CARNAGE thing, he is in fact growing and even if thats obvious, and you all know it, i am new to homestuck and am trying to see that for myself. its noticeable to some degree. he may always still be a jerk, but i am waiting to see how he slowly starts to accept things around him and to finally show what hes hiding inside. even if its just going up by a few percentages, i see its there and im hoping VERY HOPING he has the biggest character growth!

in other words, why else do i think this?? well nobody who watches romcoms can be that fucking aggressive. you need some sap in you to like it.

on that note, ill probably analyze alternia’s system and rules in another post later throughout these next few sessions because i feel it needs to be talked about and the way everything just.. is so different and doesnt seem right, you know?

thats it for now goodnight

[queenhawke]

ok goddamn here are all my Gripes with the timeless children/s12 more broadly in one post so i can just get it all out there and stop thinking about it hopefully. 

this is far too long and frankly very rambly and incoherent but i absolutely do not have the time or energy to write some sort of Coherent Essay lmao

but uhhh tl;dr get ya head outta the past and into the present, chibs

ok so first of all it’s just a badly written episode. like chibs my dude my bro my pal why the Fuck did u think having the master just Exposition at the doctor for 40 minutes was a good idea. why did u think that i would care about any of the 4??? side characters (i can’t even fuckin remember how many there were!!!) when they are just. complete nonentities. why should i care about obi-wan ko sharmus sacrificing himself when he’s just. There. and his backstory gets explained 5 seconds before he dies and it’s not even that interesting. wHyYyyy would u leave Time Lord/Cyberman Hybrid for the last 5 minutes and then have them just stand around doing nothing!!!! why on GOD’S GREEN EARTH would u take the genuinely interesting concept of a cyberman zealot/cult leader and then just be like ‘ye so he wants to be a robot and also he has a big Death Bomb now for some reason’. like having the master point out that it’s a dumb plan doesn’t make it any less of a dumb plan aaaahhhhhhhhh

BUT ALL THAT ASIDE all that nonsense aside.......... what is this timeless child thing, really. like what does it add to the doctor as a character. what does it add to the time lords as a concept? like. the Big Shocking reveal is that...... time lords are bastards, lied about shit and manipulated an innocent child? like YA BRO WE BEEN KNEW, that is exactly what they did w/ the master in the end of time (which. i also thought was dumb but w/e). like this ain’t new, chibs! except now it’s about them doing it to the doctor and now it’s Revealed that the doctor is the Most Specialest Person In Time Lord History and like

why tho

like is this really more interesting than the doctor just being a regular, even kinda shitty time lord who became a good person

“oh but it adds more mystery” does it???? how?? bc idk what y’all saw but to me it looked like they just explained the doctor’s entire fuckin backstory. like. all we don’t know is 

1. where the kid came from, which honestly...... isn’t that interesting a question bc it’s either like another planet/dimension or mayyyyybe it’s some sort of stable time loop thing idk but like. yawn. sorry maybe other people find that exciting, it sounds extremely boring to me.

and 2. we don’t know the full extent of what the doctor did w/ the Division (which. god i can’t stop thinking about the video game whenever i see that name) but like........ ok let’s say maybe the doctor did Bad Shit when they were w/ those time lords. that’s kind of the implication right? either they were forced to do bad shit or they initially voluntarily did bad shit and then rebelled and that’s where ruth!doctor comes in. like that seems the most likely trajectory that storyline takes

but

like

that’s all way in the past

like that’s happened and judging by ruth they’ve basically already learned and grown from that AND THEN presumably they got mindwiped and started over as a kid so like...... can you even hold the current doctor accountable and also like.

like it’s done

like it’s over

ruth is here

we’re already at the end point of this progression you know

i mean unless chibs intends to do episodes from the perspective of that pre-hartnell era, which i kinda doubt but who knows. but otherwise, the only way you can show that whole like... chain of events, is through flashback and exposition and i just. hmmmm im already tired

“oh but it fits perfectly in the lore and it makes sense and” ok but i don’t!! care!! how it fits in the Lore!! like if you do care about Lore that’s cool but like im sorry i fundamentally don’t give a shit UNLESS it is backed up by genuinely interesting character stuff and i just

don’t see anything here that wasn’t already in the show u know

“oh but morbius doctors explained!!” u think the casual audience knows or cares about the fuckin morbius doctors??? im not a casual viewer and i don’t even give a shit about the morbius doctors. im sure people do!!! i know people do But God Jesus Christ the last thing dr who needs to do is continuously go back into its own history to fix plot holes that really aren’t important to any of the characters at all. it’s a 56 year old show, there’s gonna be inconstencies and unless “““fixing”“““  those inconstistencies leads to actual interesting stories i Just Do Not Give A Shit

and like i get the feeling that this whole thing was smth chris chibnall has had in his head since forever, like this was his Big Bold Plan when he was a young guy watching classic who. and like. i get wanting to do that story now, but... the show has moved on, the world has moved on. he can do whatever he likes, but things have in fact happened, and sometimes you gotta adjust your big dream story to account for those things that have changed. sure, every showrunner is completely entitled to do with the show what they want, BUT the audience is still experiencing the show as one continuous story, and you gotta take that into account unless you want it to be super jarring for them! you want the master to blow up gallifrey, but gallifrey has been blown up + brought back in very recent history? find another way. this story could easily have been done without destroying gallifrey. i mean, have the master kill some time lords, sure, whatever. but keep them around! have them react to the doctor finding out the truth, have them confront each other!!! isn’t that a much more interesting story, anyway?

ok jesus this is getting way too long LISTEN

here are my main points:

- like the cartmel plan before it, it takes away far more mystery than it adds. it takes the vast and endless Unknown and turns it into like... a “mystery” plot the size of your average scandinoir thriller. before, the doctor’s life before an unearthly child could be anything you want. now it’s.... this

- the actual execution of it is bad. the dr sits in a cage for 40 minutes and is shocked and then she gets over it in that same episode

- it robs the doctor of a certain kind of agency and accountability. instead of a privileged time lord who got better through their travels and companions, now they’re an abused, adopted child who was always an outcast. and that’s not like..... an inherently bad story!! i get why that resonates with people, i do. BUT BUT BUT....... why does that have to be their story. why does that have to get shoved into the doctor’s backstory when that could be the story of a companion? why are you replacing one story when you could be creating new ones?

i think actually that’s my Main Gripe with all of this.

why is this the doctor’s story?

for an era that is supposed to be all about inclusivity and diversity and Space For All, why is the end result that the companions get shoved to the side in favour of doing gallifrey and the master again, in favour of Lore, in favour of the fuckin morbius doctors? why would you dangle jo martin in front of my face and then reduce her to the Magical Black Woman trope in this ep? why does the character who has up to this point been portrayed by 13 white men and 1 white woman, get the backstory about being an adoptee, why are you making all these past doctors people of colour and of different genders, instead of just... acknowledging that doctor who’s past wasn’t very diverse, and forging ahead with NEW stories instead. 

doctor who thrives on change, but this isn’t.... like it’s not going forward. it’s looking back and prioritising the past instead of focusing on the present, on the new generation. i didn’t like s11 much, but not using any past monsters was a good refreshing choice! no, they weren’t all great, but we got stuff like demons of the punjab and ITYA out of it, stories that were genuinely great and new. and in many ways s12 was an improvement, but going so full-in on classic monsters and stories... it felt like a step back.

i want new stories. tell me about yaz. tell me about ryan. tell me about places that aren’t england or gallifrey or other places we’ve been to. tell me about monsters that aren’t the daleks or cybermen or time lords. tell me about new mistakes the doctor makes. let her fuck up now, in the present. let her make bad decisions, let her do shitty things now, not lifetimes ago. let graham, yaz and ryan fuck up. let the fam clash with each other, really clash, not this half-assed stuff we had this season. tell me new stories with these new characters, that i still feel like i barely know despite having had two full seasons with them.

and give me jo martin as the 14th doctor goddamn

[blazinbran]

tagged by @leisuref0rce !!! tyvm dude im Honored :D

are you named after someone?: yeah :U my dads middle name is Brian and hes got a few pretty cool old relatives named richard which is my middle name. i think theyre both kind of lame names which is why i rlly like being called bran and like hey. i can say that dick is my middle name, so ive got that goin for me

last time i cried?: idk lmao im still not rlly good at letting emotions out :U im in kinda a Funk rn so hopefully ill have a good one soon so i can just move on w life kfhdja

do i use sarcasm?: recently ive realized that im for some reason kinda bad at detecting sarcasm? i used to use it a lot but when i started working people would think i was just being serious and i guess. kinda dumb or smth. and the awkwardness of seeing people just kinda say 'ok' without bothering to correct me made me stop :c

first thing i notice abt a person?: their sense of humor! i love to make people laugh so id like to think that i tune into that p quick c:

what’s your eye color?: brown :0

scary movie or happy endings?: happy endings for sure. stuff Not Workin Out gives me nerves hfksbdvz

special talent?: i played french horn for 8 years in school so i can lip buzz into my hand as though its a mouthpiece and it sounds like a kazoo! always fun for me, but it gets old real quick for most people.

birthplace?: A relatively small city in Northern Michigan. lotta cherry farms around here. im no country bumpkin but cant call myself a city slicker, either

hobbies?: i havent been interested in much lately hxksbd but id go with reading, journaling, and doin those weird abstract doodles of mine which are usually pretty relaxing and almost meditative :O

pets?: ive got two cats!! Michael is pretty snippy towards people because of his former home but he snuggles w me a lot :'> and Mr. Gatsby is a Leetol Bastard who will nap with you and then wake u up by dragging a single claw near ur eyes/nose/lips. i love them both SO MUCH i can and have spent hours laying around on the floor with them

do/have u played any sports?: i did Tae Kawn Do from when i was 5 until abt a year ago! im a 3rd degree black belt c: i tried running track and playing basketball in middleschool but ive bever been competetive and i didnt enjoy it gfksvd.

bonus fact: i was on a soccer team when i was 5 and i dont remember this but, according to my dad, he once watched me start chatting w a boy on the other team during a game. Every so often, the throng of kids chasing the ball ran past us and we both just sorta. watched em go by. and then resumed chatting

height: im 6' 4" and all my coworkers Love that im so tall but i have to duck through parts of the kitchen and the doorway. i guarantee my back is gonna be totally screwed in 30 or 40 years

fave subject in school?: english! i got the english department honor cord when i graduated and thats just about the only notable high school accomplishment i can think of. whats that post ant gay culture is being the teacher's favorite despite having the worst grade in the class? that was me but id do rlly well on tests and it would even out.

dream job?: idk ive always struggled w this question. maybe some sorta artist, maybe some sorta person who helps people. ive never once thought of something and said to myself 'yeah thatd be nice to do for my whole life'

ok @leisuref0rce thank u again VERY MUCH for tagging me!! Im gonna tag @snowy-taru-attack @sightlyhound @gaynihilist and @selachiihook just to keep the list short n simple! and if anyone else kinda wants to do this im beggin u to just go for it (and maybe tag me if you wanna :D)!!

[strawbterrys]

💖 🌹🍫 💗 🕊 🍰 💘 ⚘ 🍨 💝 💌 💋 🍒 💓 💐 💕 💫 🍓 🍦 ❣

💖 🌹🍫 💗 🕊 🍰 💘 ⚘ 🍨 💝 💌 💋 🍒 💓 💐 💕 💫 🍓 🍦 ❣

ok woW u asked ALL of them DBDIDOSMSMABD

Also sorry to my followers bc idk how to put stuff under the cut? So scroll super fast lol if u don't wanna see!!

💖 have you ever been in love? are you in love rn?

im not sure..i think so..? idk i haven’t rlly been in many relationships but I know whenever my gf talks to me I get all excited and happy!!!!! if it isn't love then idk what is!!!!!!!

but i believe in being in love platonically, if it makes sense? like i know it's a bit of an oxymoron but i love my friends and being appreciated by them and making them happy and spending time with them just!! wrow!!!

🌹 what do you think are the most romantic flowers other than roses?

answered!

🍫 do you have a favorite chocolate or sweet?

UUUU THATS SO HARD I HAVE SUCH A SWEET TOOTH LIKE .. WROW. ummmm. OH ! PANCAKES I LOVE PANCAKES THEYRE SO SOFT N FLUFFY AND PERFECTLY SWEET !! 💗✨🥞✨💗

OR BOBA!!! I LOVE BOBA in my milk tea!! Okinawa and matcha milk tea in particular are super good

💗 how do you show you care? what do people do that makes you feel loved?

I try to be considerate of ppls feelings. Like, I'll try to remember things abt them and i actually love spoiling my friends when I can? i guess I feel loved when ppl do the same for me, heheh;;

🕊 what do you think about marriage? how would you like to be proposed to?

marriage seems sorta scary on one hand,  but on the other,, spending the rest of my life with the person I love sounds pretty great too!! As for the specific proposal, Hifumi would invite me to the host club the works at and w

🍰 what’s your favorite dessert to eat? do you have a favorite to make?

macarons are fun to make! I always struggle and I wasted like 8 eggs trying to get the bitchass merengue to form and UGH but they're still fun,, esp when  u make them with friends! Also I liked shaved snow w pocky, mochi, and condensed milk yummm

💘 you would fall in love with someone who…

bro this is so embarrassing my answers are all the same pls just . just show me i matter to u

that or be @pukaaz

🍨 describe your ideal first date, what about it makes it perfect?

i actually rlly like aquariums! i love them bc theres so many interesting fish and sealife and just uGH I LOVE THE VIBES AQUARIUMS GIVE  YFEEL? LIKE im that bitch who collects every fucking fish in animal crossing and then sits in my museum watching them for five hours

They just make me feel so peaceful. A first date shouldnt be super nerve wracking and I would love to just be able to chill out and enjoy smth tranquil like that

(And obv we have to get ice cream or boba  aND!! I WANT A PLUSHIE FROM THE AQUARIUM GIFT SHOP DUH)

💝 what gift would you like to receive? what type do you like to give?

I like getting stuffed animals… or things that maybe I've  mentioned wanting and they remembered like?? Ok?? Wowowo???? and same thing when giving like i one of my dearest friends mentioned on her ig abt a plush she wanted so like...maybe a year later? idk?? i finally found it and got it for her and her reaction was so happy it was absolutely worth the trouble

💌 love letters or poetry? love songs or mixtapes? make out sessions or snuggling?

LOVE LETTERS VALIDATE ME   P L E A SE

and mixtapes!!! And snuggling bc im.  Tooshytokissanyonernoknextquestion-

💋 lipgloss, lipstick, or chapstick?

answered!

🍒 which is better- a down to earth, comfortable love or an exciting, butterflies in your stomach type of love?

umm .. im sorta shy so like. i get butterflies over literally anything? so someone who could be patient enough until im more comfortable would be so nice AHHHH cozy… (ㅅ´ ˘ `)♡

💓 what do people do that makes your heart skip a beat? what makes your heart melt?

honestly there's been so few times when this has happened like validation whomst but again,,, nothing makes me feel warmer than when ppl do stuff that shows they care,, like double messaging or remembering stuff abt me or knowing smths wrong w me without me even having to say smth

💐 how would you woo someone? how do you flirt?

I! CANNOT! FLIRT! ohmygod. but maybe i’d just try and spend time with them and pay attention to their interests? i’d also try to make sure they knew they’re appreciated

💕 vague about your crush or partner?

shes very pretty!! i had a fATASS CRUSH on her as soon as we became friends a few years ago but APPARENTLY she knew because i’m “”””obvious””””

nyways, she's super duper funny and her laugh is so cute!!! she doesn't love herself and i rlly wanna help her see how great she is!!!

💫 do you get crushes easily? what makes you fall for someone?

literally anytime someone decent looking even says my name I start blushing like an iDIOT but my validation deprivation (rhymes...hypmic wya) makes me interpret any form of non-hostile treatment as like… grounds for a crush? jesus.

as for what makes me actually fall for someone

hmm.... i think people remembering me and the things important to me really just makes me feel like i matter, and when even IM able to feel like i matter a LOT to someone? If it gets to a point where i,,, the most insecure person on the PLANET,,, knows that this person cares about me? Bam. I love u,,,, u own my heart,,, take my firstborn and h

🍓 what are you doing for valentine’s day? do you have any self care plans?

since its may already, i dont rlly know what i’m gonna do. hopefully by then i’ll be able to see my gf and obv shower her w love n affection and gifts and fun trip out somewhere, and also my friends! i try my best to come up with little gifts for them each year but I've been failing miserably the past two years TT

🍦 what are ten things you love about youself?

answered!!

❣ red, pink, or purple? glitter or sequins? silk or velvet?

PINK!!! look at my bLog BRO! also hmm….glitter….and velvet! PINK GLITTER VELVET

[survivorreelsmagicwithin]

Episode 5- “Good thing I bought a box of wine the other day.. I'm gonna need it.”-Jess

After Gryffindors tribal Raffy was voted out. This is either just bad news for Raffy specifically or for the Gryffindor tribe. I don't know how much what he's said and done as his tribe speaks to him, but I'm going to be stepping up my social game now to try and avoid a similar fate. https://am24.mediaite.com/tms/cnt/uploads/2015/07/Harry-Potter-Disgusted-Gif.gif 

 We are playing Mastermind this round and... I dunno what a good score is on this game ever. I always think I did well at it and then people blow me out of the water. I hope I did well enough that we avoid another tribal, but I have my own personal doubts. I explored the castle today. I went behind some barrels. I guess since I'm technically sorted into Gryffindor that I didn't know what the barrels are - I went behind them and found the Hufflepuff common room where I talked to Professor Sprout's flowers... They told me that Hagrid has a new dog. Either Hagrid is in the Forbidden Forest or these flowers are liars. I've been to Hagrid's Hut and interacted with each thing he owns. I saw no dog. https://dontyoushushme.files.wordpress.com/2015/11/tumblr_lp98471uss1qa8ir9o1_r1_500.gif

Mastermind is one of my very favorite comps so if someone causes us to go to tribal during this challenge I'm going to be VERY upset!! 

37 minutes later

If these people really think I'm going to rocks they have lost their minds. 

So I flopped the challenge and will probably have my name thrown out as an option so... PARTY! However, I decided to play the "omg I fucked up feel bad for me" card so maybe that'll either make people feel bad for me...or they'll make me a target. I kind of want people to feel bad for me? but also like I think people know I'm going through a rough time right now so if they vote me out they are going to hell xoxoxox But I'm gonna try and put in the werk to make sure I DON'T GET VOTES.. How may you ask? I think the key is Owen? I know Owen is a VERY social player and on a tribe like this I think having great social skills really can propel you into the top ranks. So I've decided to give Owen some "spell guesses" to help build some sort of trust moving forward.... will this help? probably not.... BUT right now.........the only kind of currency I have in this game is information (which I have none of because.. well new tribe...) and my guesses. Hopefully he feeds into my bullshit and sees that I do actually want to work with him (for now). So the goal is simple, I want people to think I'm NOT DISPOSABLE. People in games are selfish, they want to know what you CAN DO FOR THEM and I plan on doing just that. I also fucked around and shared guesses with Juls. She gave me a clue and I for the LOVE OF ME CAN NOT FIND THIS CRITTER. I thought it was that stupid Harry Potter spider but he told me to fuck off.. idk I'M SO STRESSED. Good thing I bought a box of wine the other day.. I'm gonna need it.

3 minutes later

PS: Landen is either playing too hard too fast or... he has my back? IDK. He's basically naming me as 1 of 4 people he doesn't want to go.. and we... we've spoken like twice. No game talk, nothing. We talked about MILK. How the fuck does he want me safe and not to go? IDK it seems fishy but I'll take it. Maybe he's just promising everyone safety right now and that's his game? I literally don't care. I will take whatever I get at this point. I want Max out. I've decided he really annoys me and I can't work with someone who thinks "penis" is a funny joke. I have nothing in common with him and... from the sounds of it something was "off" with him on his old tribe so... maybe just maybe..  that's something I can WORK WITH. Fucking weebz.

Oh my god, thank god we won! I do not want to have to deal with another tribal. For a unanimous vote, our tribal sure was messy. I think my position so far in this game is super solid, I'm in a great position with Nick and Kevin because we talk a lot and I have formed really strong relationships with both of them. My postion with Dan is honestly fantastic, I know he trusts me because he told me about his advantage in the game (a vote steal). Jules and I are good, we honestly just like each other and she was the first person to tell me that Miguel was throwing my name around. She also knows about Dan's advantage. I'm a little worried about her though because each tribal we have gone to she has gotten a vote, plus she started drama with Raffy before she left. I still think she is super sweet, but I'm worried that her confrontational personality is going to get her voted out and I'm not sure that there is much I can do about it. 

I'm going to mess around and get voted out, I have such a big mouth, y'all.  SO FAR TODAY, I have told Chips I didn't hear his name... then fifteen minutes later I DID hear his name.  Next I told Jess I heard Chips's name thinking she came up with it and she said it was news to her LSJFLDSJF.  Then I told Juls that I didn't hear anything... to which her and Jess are probably comparing notes.  I showed Lily all the places I've looked for the idol and last but not least I TOLD OWEN ABOUT THE OG HUFFLEPUFF ALLIANCE.  I AM GOING TO GET VOTED OUT, WHY DO I HAVE SUCH A BIG MOUTH????? SOMEONE HELP ME. 

hufflepuffle LOST immunity! that is so not the marshmallow move i was trying to make :/ over the course of the game, i've really bonded with lily, so i think that is going to be my close alliance here, obviously aside from juls, who i knew pre-game and we are just good friends. i do think juls would backstab me if she had to, so i'll keep my eye out for her, even tho id most likely die for her. *bleeds out* well when we got to this lil ol tribe, max made the bold move to instantly create a hufflepuffle group chat and declare how we are #HUFFSTRONG. i made the stupid decision to not trust my gut instinct on ruthie's distant responses, and now i am paying the price for that, because as far as i've heard ruthie is telling people hufflepuff is tight and is trying to blindside max, leaving me in the dark. i'm honestly less upset at the target on max, and more upset that she is trying to leave me (and pooossibly lily? cant be sure.) in the dark. I'm a little bit annoyed with it. like, we openly discussed voting about max on the original hufflepuff. i get that circumstances change, but there's no reason to leave me blind. i understand it from owen, jess, chips, but... why from ruthie lol? we've talked about it before and it's just like. bleh. that's my bad, for not talking to ruthie more on a personal level before and after the swap. i can be slow to make official alliances and cement my bonds in survivor, it's a strategy that's risky in the short term but pays off dividends in the long term when people really like AND trust you. that emotion is somethin necessary! it works its own kind of ~Magic~ so to speak. but right now it's definitely showing its weaknesses with ruthie trying to play me and my quietness with chips/owen/jess biting me in the butt a bit because they don't trust me. T_T i will have to work to prove i am a trustworthy ally for them, but in the meantime, as long as i can survive this vote (lol that means i am going home) then i'm fine and it's whatever. i want to try to think of a better wham line to close out this confessional, but i can't, so it's just going to kind of wither off and die here, as this sentence stumbles along on its meager way to find SOME version of sufficient punctuation to the topic, punctuated by actual punctuation.

this vote is gonna be.. como se dice.. interesting. working with max and landen while now being added to an alliance with owen, jess and chips um. smiles. it’s gonna be smth! but it seems like max is the target for this round which sucks but, i’d rather go with majority and help push that than make myself a target for wanting go against the odds.. idk if that made sense LMAO. but i’m just stressed! i love max so much but.. i wanna keep the people who weren’t on the og hufflepuff tribe close as opposed to letting them go so easily. 

THE WAY I HAD ONE OF THE LOWEST SCORES IN MASTERMIND https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f_Maspo1z34

Well here we are forced to actually play the game. And well.......this vote is crazy. I should have honestly anticipated this craziness but the craziness has been thrust upon us. Sincerely really enjoy everyone on this tribe. This meant that whatever decision I made on who to vote out would be strictly strategic. I know I can't vote out anyone from original hufflepuff because that inherently puts all of the original hufflepuff in danger of being easy targets in any future votes. I can't even in my brain consider voting out one of them at this vote because of this. I feel great about my social game rn. Several people are interested in working with me to my face and apparently in passing to others. This means that I'm unlikely to be a target for a vote but this could honestly all change after this. I feel the most trust and loyalty to Ruthie and Landen and I also feel like Max really has my back even though we haven't explicitly said this to each other. I also feel good about Jess. She told me today that she doesn't care too much as long as it isn't me or her and that semed honest to me? This leaves Juls, Owen, and Chips. Juls seems wishy-washy but I can tell she wants to vote Max but is nervous to say that to me. She is a newer player so this makes sense. I can tell that Landen doesn't want to vote Juls but no one really does so she doesn't make sense as the target. Chips has always been a good ally to me in the past but the past few games we have played together we have trouble being honest on what we want to happen.I want to work with Chips and don't want to see him go on this vote. I don't think he is as big of a threat at this stage of the game as Owen. Owen is one of the smartest people I've played with he has one of the best social games I've seen. He has a way of getting people on his side. I know he is thinking about a lot and knows that Max going right now is what is best for him. I want to trust owen and work with owen but my gut says that isn't what is going to work this time. Ruthie told us (Landen and I) about how they made a final 2 before the game even started (before we were told not to talk in the Great Hall chat in PMs) and now she is clearly backing out of that. Right now OG huffs are planning to vote Owen out. I think this is the best strategic play for us but will anyone else see it? Or will people be hyper focused on voting an OG huff that they would prefer to go to a rock draw than vote Owen. I'm not sure and I don't think I'm mentally prepared for what is about to go down. I'm hoping Jess, Chips, or Juls would be willing. But I'm also nervous not telling any of them about the vote could be the actual mistake we are making. Should I put my trust in Jess or Chips and see if they would vote Owen? I DON'T KNOW. Do I sound like I know what I'm doing??? NO. Am I attemping to make money moves??? YES. Is it the right decision????? PROBABLY NOT. But....we shall see. We shall see. 

Kind of happy we lost because this will be an interesting one for sure... As I said before, we have 4 hufflepuff and 4 non-hufflepuff on our tribe, and I wanted to jump on that IMMEDIATELY, so the second I heard Hufflepuff had a group chat (thanks ruthie hehe) I made one with Chips, Juls, and Jess. Jess and Juls are my gorls in this game, and I'm glad I finally get to make stuff happen with them. I want Ruthie to trust me (she messaged me for a final 2 literally night one before we found out we couldnt pm each other in the great hall), and I do really love her - but since we're on different "sides" of the tribe, I wanted to play smart. I originally threw out both Chips AND Max names, to make it seem like old tribal lines mean nothing to me, but then today I've been telling Ruthie and Landen I'm leaning way more towards Max beacuse he hasnt talked to me and Chips has, which is true. Ruthie seems to agree that Max should go - she told me he did some qweird stuff like pranks and things on their old tribe, and Landen said that Max would've been first boot. So it seems easy enough?? But then.... here comes Lily, with her own brain and stuff. Why can't people stop having opinions and just do what  I say??? I can tell Lily wants to keep Max, which makes sense. She probably wants to keep the Hufflepuff security in numbers. But I'm not writing Chips down, period, and they all know it. No matter what happens, as long as it is Max or Chips I'm fine. I'm just using this vote to have as many conversations with Lily, Ruthie, Landen, Jess, and Juls about game as possible to further myself, and I don't much care who leaves as long as it isn't me Jess or Juls. But I do think for the hell of it I'd go to rocks if I had to - bc if they're going to ROCKS for Max?? I sure as hell don't want to be outnumbered. Hopefully ruthie is being honest in wanting max gone and can change lily's mind.

https://youtu.be/TBrNjh2DnU4

SO my big mouth strikes again.   Landen came to me earlier and OWEN SPILLED ABOUT ME SPILLING ABOUT THE HUFFLEPUFF ALLIANCE.  I WAS SO MAD.  Mad enough to agree to voting him out and now I just feel guilty.  Jess, Juls, Owen and Chips don't know that there is going to be a tie tonight after all.  We feel like if we vote Owen that we can get Chips to vote with us in the revote and I hope that is the case because I REALLY don't want to go to rocks. Part of me thinks I should call Owen out on him spilling the alliance secret to him and try to fix things but I'm still very salty about it. I'm so sad and I feel so guilty but...  HE COMPLETELY MESSED MY GAME UP AND I TRUSTED HIM! 

So it has been a day. That's for sure. Got in my first alliance of people who didnt start Hufflepuff. Found out from two out of three Hufflepuffs my name was thrown out. May be leaving or at the very least the subject of a tie vote. If the target Max has an idol I leave guaranteed. I hope not. 

I am a horrible person. My heart is pounding so hard, this move is either going to make or break my game. :(

I would like to publicly thank Hufflepuff for extending my life in the game by another round- much obliged. Not sure how much of a difference it’ll make in the end lmao but nonetheless I’m still technically alive. Either this is the quietest game I’ve ever been apart of or everyone is definitely working together and I’m on the bottom. I know Kevin isn’t in on it but that Raffy vote was suspicious and you can’t tell me otherwise. Because how am I talking to everyone all day long but I don’t find out the vote is Raffy until 2 hours before the vote and that’s “what everyone is doing”? Not to mention it came from Jules, not Dan or Nicholas aka the people I thought I had a halfway decent relationship with. So the only way you can explain how I’m the last to know even though they were several opportunities for like 5 different people to tell me is that those 5 are working together. So basically I’m praying Hufflepuff can take one more L after tonight because if not, there’s a high chance I’m gonna have to beg for my life. And I’m not above it! But I also can do the math and I don’t know if Slytherin is smart enough to realize they’re handing the game over to Ravenclaw. Who knows though- maybe Jess or Juls will go home on the other side and that will strengthen my plea of attack Ravenclaw while we still can. Cause there’s 9 Huffleclaw left and 6 of Slytherdor so I’m like... we can’t all be the cute swing vote at merge that gets picked up to be a number but hey what do I know 

[flower-mist]

Ur gonna hate me but all of the crayon asks. Have fun!!!

*inhales* bOI

(ily)

answers are under the readmore bc l o n g

Macaroni and Cheese: What makes you think of your childhood?

crayons, ofc! also 2000s music (esp disney), yearbook photos, capri suns, those ice pop things that come in clear plastic, cedar point, the kid’s fantasy section at barnes and noble, i could keep talking for like 12 years

Spring Green: How do you relax when you’re stressed?

i read! i read so, so much. writing also helps, but it’s hard to make myself do it bc Issues™. i also watch an excessive amnt of john oliver

Asparagus: What’s an unpopular opinion you have?

listen, hot sauce on mac in cheese is so good

Bittersweet: Has someone you loved ever hurt you?

h*ck yeah 

Eggplant: Explain your url and avatar.

my url is a flower that means courage! and my avatar is that flower

Outer Space: Do you ever feel like you’re an outcast from others?

H*CK YEAH

Cotton Candy: What is your favorite dessert?

i will eat approximately 50 macarons if no one stops me 

Freckle: Do you have any marks on your skin? How do you feel about them?

i have a birthmark and a scar on my back from when i slid down a wall (long story) and freckles! idk i like all of them i guess, as much as i can like my body

Shocking Pink: Is there a trait that you have that others don’t expect from you?

when ppl first meet me they never expect me to swear as much as i do, idk why

Robin’s Egg Blue: If you were an animal, which one do you think would you be?

probably a cat? i took a test once and it told me i was a dik dik but like,, i want to be able to protect people, so a lion or a fox or smth would be chill

Granny Smith Apple: What’s something everyone else likes that you don’t?

WHY DO YOU ALL LIKE PEANUT BUTTER I DON’T UNDERSTAND

Dandelion: What’s a pet peeve of yours?

i rly rly rly don’t like the sound of people eating tho idk whether to file that under “sensory issue” or “pet peeve”

Atomic Tangerine: What gets you motivated to do a difficult task?

a time restriction, someone i care a lot about depending on it, spite

Wisteria: What’s your favorite thing about yourself?

im really really good at writing gothic post style things

Candy Apple: How do you think others view you?

l m a o y i k e s 

Plum: Are you insecure about anything?

im insecure about everything but one of the places im most insecure is whether or not people like me

Sky Blue: Where do you feel the most at home?

with the people i love most

Tickle Me Pink: How do you try to cheer others up when they’re sad?

being there to listen, sending them cute animals or memes, writing things for them, etc

Wild Strawberry: Do you care what others think about you?

wayyyy too much

Glossy Grape: Recommend something to your followers.

WATCH VOLTRON PLS I NEED SOMEONE TO TALK TO ABT IT

World Wide Web Yellow: What was the last thing you looked up?

“john oliver”

Shadow Blue: Do you have a darker side to you that most people are unaware of?

im not really sure what “darker” means but probably?

Electric Lime: What genre of music do you listen to?

literally everything tho im not super into hardcore country

Night Owl: Describe a very interesting dream that you had.

i rarely remember my dreams but one time i was definitely on a quest to save the world and i broke into a building via a roof

that’s all i remember abt it

Cornflower: What do you think about the most?

dogs and how much i love them

Grasshopper Green: Describe the area where you live.

my dad’s house is part of a complex of town homes. all the houses are very white, and there’s neatly trimmed park areas in between. my favorite part of this area is by the highway where the wildflowers grow. they cut down the last of the woods last year

Misty Moss: Is there anything you regret?

yes

Tiny Toad Brown: Do you find beauty in something that people consider to be ugly or undesirable?

snakes are pretty!!!! dont hate on snakes!!!!!!!!! unless you have a genuine fear of them bc thats valid but don’t be petty its not cool!!!!!!!

Sunny Side Up: Do you like waking up in the mornings, or would you rather sleep in?

i love waking up in the morning but i usually mess up my sleep schedule too much to be able to do it

Kitten Gray: Do you have any pets? If so, describe them.

I HAVE TWO CATS THEY ARE LARGE AND FLUFFY AND KIND OF ACT LIKE DOGS AND NOT THAT SMART BUT I LOVE THEM SOMETIMES THEY PURR AT ME AND IM A SUCCESS

Rose Dust: Describe your aesthetic in five words or less.

stardust, honey, rain, old books (hopefully)

Timberwolf: Do you give second chances when somebody has wronged you?

depends on how far they went

Freshly Squeezed: What excites you?

literally everything im interested in bc i get super invested in things and also my friends being excited about something 

Firefly Red: What gives you purpose?

the people i love, fear, spite, laughter, ice cream

Tiny Teapot Tan: Do you consider yourself to be attractive/cute?

lmao no

im okay sometimes but like, that’s rare

Rain Drop Blue: Describe the weather outside.

it is currently cloudy as fuck and also cold

Sweet Pea Green: Do you have/want children?

i don’t think im in a place where i can make that decision for myself yet

Pussywillow: Do you like being around others, or do you like being alone?

yes and no? social situations are very draining for me bc anxiety/introversion, but i absolutely love spending time w my close friends

Jack ‘O’ Lantern Orange: What’s your biggest fear and why?

highkey not gonna talk about that on a public forum

Baby Bunny Pink: Do you look young for your age, or do you look older than you are?

one time i went to get the oil changed for my car and the person at the counter asked me if i was 12

Mystic Maroon: What confuses you, and why?

people confuse me bc 

people

Cosmic Cobalt: What’s your zodiac sign, and do you think it’s accurate?

pisces! and it’s a very very good fit for me

Petal Pink: Describe your fashion sense as well as what you’re wearing right now.

idk rn it’s mostly sweaters and plaid and converse? but my style differs a lot based on gender stuff so idkkkkkk

Mountain Meadow: Do you like taking care of others, or do you prefer being care of?

yes?

Fuzzy Duckling Yellow: Is there something from childhood that you haven’t outgrown?

literally everything i will never outgrow my childhood

Brussel Sproutlet: Do you have any unhealthy habits?

*gestures to all of me*

Razzle Dazzle Rose: Describe an ideal date.

yikes this is hard bc like

okay this is going to sound rly rly stupid but im good with almost anything just so long as im spending time with the person?

i guess doing anything that makes them comfortable/happy

that was such a non-answer, ill come up with a real one at some pt

Periwinkle: What’s something ordinary that has personal meaning to you?

my necklace is gr8

Mauvelous: Do you think you deserve a better life than you have now?

probably not

Blueberry Blue: Do you get sad easily?

h*ck yeah

Purple Mountains Majesty: How does someone earn your respect?

by treating others with respect and kindness

holy shit that was so many but thank u!!!

jonathon took all of these so here are more questions if you want to ask some