#idk i worry the last paragraph is a bit out of line

[duskwingmoth]

"But did you do it? They say you did it. So did you?"

W-what!? Why would I be killing people??? Why would I want to kill people!? Ignoring the fact that I'm literally a doctor and took an oath, think for a second – blood is a non-negotiable part of my diet and it kind of requires people to be alive and willing to give it! Oh I see, Dracula. It's always Dracula. Ooh, killed people en masse one time hundreds of years ago. It was one guy. One guy But suddenly all sharps are crazed serial killers forever, itching for the second they can get away with sinking their teeth into the nearest random blunt! (Yeah, that's what we call you! You call us sharps, we call you blunts! But I digress.) You don't even know. You don't even understand. I'd rather have a hundred Draculas over one limp centrist liberal talking about Nightborne rights! He knew we were in danger, and he did something about it! Because we're just people, asshole! People as scared and confused and clueless as the next guy, who can't even enjoy the luxury of going out for a walk on a sunny day. People who need other people to be there for them! There's no magic hypnosis, no freakish chimeras, no immortality. Your precious shitlib governor and every leader just like him is only mad that we have to work twice as hard to get half as much, and we charm the pants off of people in the process. Dehumanize us like you dehumanize everybody else, kill us like you kill everybody else. Get hung up on the one time we had a place by us, for us! Fuck you and your boogeyman Dracula. If a vampire is out there killing people I can assure you it's not just because they're hungry. I'd heard about that dead bastard, he was wanted on rape charges! Are you really willing to call the sharp the monster in this situation? Even if there wasn't any other reason he was killed than a in some kinda sick power play, what makes the killer any different from any blunts who did the same? You can "one guy" us all you want, I'll one guy you back! How do I know you won't kick me out of my home, white man!? How do I know you won't put me on the plantation, white man!? How do I know I won't be put in a cage in the desert, white man!? How do I know you won't let me die of a preventable STI!? Is that what you'll do to me? To us?? For one murder I didn't commit? For history you don't care to learn??? Fuck you and your sunny days.

[therealflickerman]

Split Lips (tasm!peter parker x reader)

Part two

series summary: Its simple hating peter parker, the cocky asshole who has made it his mission to one up you every chance he gets. In the same vein, its simple loving spiderman, the sweet masked vigilante who has made it his mission to ensure your safety. How simple will it be when the two worlds meet.

______________________________________________________________

chapter summary: You never want Peter Parker around, but you find he tents to show up whenever you need him most.

word count: 4.9k

chapter contents: reader is intended to be fem! , language, a little banter and a little fluff, reader is anxious and a mess,  idk anything about american diner culture, these two r awkward idiots that don’t know how to be soft 

note: poor pete just wants to be your friend, and poor reader is a disaster girl. I had so much fun writing this chapter I hope yall enjoy it!, thank u charlie for editing

masterlist

series masterlist

chapter one / chapter two / chapter three / chapter four (ongoing!)

Your earphones carry music to your eardrums, blaring at the highest volume possible, it's a feeble attempt to drown out your thoughts and you’re not quite sure it’s working. It crosses your mind that you should probably lower the volume sparing others in the library from the distraction, however, as you find yourself re-reading the same sentence for the third time, you can’t quite find it in yourself to care. 

A groan slips past your lips, the heels of your palms find the sockets of your eyes and you sit like this for a moment before dragging your hands down your face in irritation. Your biology textbook sits on the desk in front of you, the annotated page, a testament to last night's productivity, mocks you with its perfection. 

You’ve been at this since Eleven a.m. and you can quite literally feel your brain melting out of your head, it’s rare you have trouble studying, actually, you would go so far as to call it a forte of yours. You blame your recent bout of sleeplessness and curse how busy your brain has been the last few nights. 

Sliding your sleeve just above your watch, you check the time, it reads ‘one twenty-six p.m.’. “Shit,” you exhale, scolding yourself for letting the time slip through our hands.

You look at the testbook with disdain, promising yourself at least fifteen minutes of study before your shift at the diner begins. You flip to a new section and pray a change of scenery will kickstart your brain into surrendering a bit more work, though you feel deep down that it’s a lost cause. 

A defeated sigh escapes you, your eyes lock on the start of the page and you begin to read. The chapter talks of the immune system's response to pathogens and you recall touching on the topic in class. You specifically remember that day because Peter had ‘accidently’ spilt his milk all over your notes during one of his usual attempts to irritate you, despite the way his grin curled into that of a worried frown, and the way he had jumped into action, letting out frantic apologies, you’re not so sure it truly was an accident, though maybe that's what you’d like to think. 

Your brows furrow as you realise you’ve in fact lost your train of thought once again, your brain had wandered off about a thousand times already that morning, but it particularly bugs you this time as it dawns on you that you are unable to escape Peter Parker, even as you sit alone with your thoughts. For a second your throat feels tight and you think you could cry from pure frustration, though you look to the library that surrounds you, there are a mix of silently working students and businessmen, and you decide you don’t want to be the deranged woman crying into her biology textbook at one-thirty p.m. the afternoon before her test. 

You opt to take a deep breath rather than the later and you reread the line, taking a note on the sentence before completing the paragraph. You turn the page and you finally feel concentration begin to build. 

A yelp slips from your lips as a book drops and lands before you with a soft thud, it breaks the still silence of the library, shattering the first string of focus you had managed since last night's study session. Your gaze shoots upwards and you’re met with the same big brown eyes you’ve become accustomed to.  

“Enjoying your last-minute study session?” he plops into the chair across from you carelessly. 

You struggle to hear him through your loud music though you quite like it that way.

Your eyes narrow and you rip your headphones out with a swift tug. Music plays from them softly as they’re discarded on the desk. “Peter-”, you start, and wish you had the chance to finish. 

“I finished studying last night but,” he slides your textbook across the table, spinning it in his direction so he can read your annotations, “it’s good to see you putting in the work,”

“Peter, I am going to kill you” In a fit of irritation, you aggressively shove the textbook back to your side of the desk, you genuinely cannot believe your luck or lack thereof. 

“That's not very nice,” 

“You…” you spit loudly, wincing at the volume of your voice before lowering your tone, “are not very nice.” Your hand motions to all of him and your eyes narrow further in aggravation. 

He mouths a humoured ‘wow’, and leans back in the chair with an arrogant grin and a cross of his arms.

“How did you even,” you find the words, “there are like twenty libraries in Queens and you’re

sitting across from me…” your arms crossed, “uninvited” you emphasise. 

He shrugs with a grin and leans over, digging through his beat-up backpack.

He silently places his things on the desk, ‘just make yourself at home’ you huff ironically with an eye roll. He laughs softly at your comment as he pulls out a small pencil case, it's dark blue and covered in Sharpie doodles, then grabs the rest of his books, piling them on top of the one he had used to startle you. 

“I thought you were done with studying” you deadpan. 

He hums a laugh, “you can never be done with studying" he quips sarcastically. 

You let out a breath of frustration as he continued digging through his bag. 

“Look Parker I really need to focus-”

“Oh I wanted to give you this,” he mumbles, cutting you off and pulling a sheet of paper from the backpack, sliding it across the desk to you. 

You look down at the page, it's a photocopied version of his messy, yet readable notes. 

“Your bio notes…?” you look up at him and meet his eyes, “why?” your brows furrow further though this time fueled by confusion. 

He hums, opening his book, “felt like being nice” he adds and you let out a humoured scoff. 

“And you just somehow knew…” you correct yourself with a clearing of your throat, “Well, thought I needed these” You watch him, a brow raised in confusion, 

“I can take them back,” he grins, meeting your eyes and reaching across to snatch them from your hands. You pull away, further furrowing your brow and begin reading the notes. 

“What did you do to them,” you ask, sceptically as you skim the page. His work seems genuine, in fact, the notes are far more well-versed than the half-assed sheet of scribbles you’ve been working on and you swallow the insecure feeling you’ve grown used to. 

He laughs, his smile growing as his hands pull back and raise defensively with a soft ‘nothing’. 

You spare him a cautious eye with a shake of your head, continuing to look through the notes. 

“Hey… look at this way,” his face turns earnest as he leans in to speak, you humour him, placing the paper down and giving him your attention. 

“Now you won’t fail” he nods, the mask of seriousness slipping away as he breaks into a stupid grin.

‘Asshole’ you mumble to yourself softly, a gentle smile tugs at the corners of your mouth and you shake your head. 

He watches you carefully, satisfied with the faint smile that curls on your lips. 

“Seriously though, how’d you know I’d be here?” your focus turns back to the notes with the raise of an eyebrow and the linger of a smile. 

He shrugs, leaning back in his chair, “remember that one time in English,” he says in an attempt to jog your memory, his hand finds the textbook in front of him and he fidgets with the pages, “we were fighting about the best libraries,” you’re sure he’s right because the two of you fight about everything, “you said this one was your favourite, specifically this area because you like to look into the garden” 

He’s right, you like to look out of the giant glass windows and watch people sitting in the library's garden, studying with their friends.

“And what, you wrote all that down in your journal?” you joke, watching as he laughs.

He hums nodding his head with a, ‘Yeah, wrote it all down in my personal diary’.

“No um,” he breathes a laugh, “I just have a good memory,” his eyes flick to meet yours, you exhale a sceptical hum, nodding your head in response. 

“How else do you think I beat you in all those exams,” he smirks watching the grin tug at your lips,

“What, like the one on friday?” you mock.

“No like the one tomorrow” he retorts. 

This pulls a laugh from your lips, you roll your eyes with a shake of your head. 

You hum as the laughter dies down, “you might’ve got me there” you say softly, letting up the teasing and your eyes leave his, suddenly very interested in your textbook. Unconsciously your lip slips between your teeth and Peter notices. 

“Do you… want help studying?” he offers awkwardly, it’s unusual for him and your eyes flick up, sending a sceptical look.  

You’re met with a genuine smile. 

You beckon him towards you with furrowed brows, he leans forward, accepting your hand against his forehead, with a roll of his eyes and a sweet laugh.

“No fever,” you hum, “but you’re just not acting like yourself,” you mumble in sarcastic dismay and your hand pulls from his forehead, sitting back in your chair, you turn your focus back to your textbook. 

"You're a regular comedian," he remarks dryly, a humoured smile never leaves his lips.

Your eyes keep on the page in front of you, “so I’ve been told” your voice drips with irony, pulling a laugh from Peter. 

“So…” his words fade though you know what he’s asking, he bites the inside of his cheek watching you. 

Your eyes drift to your watch before meeting his, they’re already staring at you. 

“I truly, truly would love to you” you deadpan with a nod, “I would, but luckily for me, I have work in about ten minutes and my boss will wring my neck if I’m late” You give a wry smile, collecting your things. 

A stupid grin stays curled on his lips, ‘yeah yeah’ he shoos you off with a roll of his eyes.

You’re satisfied with his reaction and push your chair into the desk. 

“Thanks for the notes!” you tease, waving them in his direction as you head for the door. 

______________________________________________________________

As dusk settles outside, the diner is left lit by the dingy light bulbs that hang overhead. Your eyes hurt from their flickering and you blink tightly with a shake of the head in an attempt at dulling the pain. 

Balancing a coffee cup in each hand and a slice of hot apple pie on your left wrist, you tread cautiously, one foot after another, approaching an older couple on the far right of the diner. The heat from the porcelain kisses the tips of your fingers, both cups filled to the brim with boiling hot coffee, your eyes trace the black liquid, watching as it sways with each step you take.

“Here you are,” you give a sweet smile to the older couple, placing their coffees down and hiding a wince as your raw fingers place the hot plate of apple pie between the two of them. The wife thanks you sweetly with a smile and you ask if there's anything else you can help them with, to which they politely decline. 

You offer a smile before turning on your heels and heading back to the kitchen, pushing open the swinging doors softly and slipping inside. You quite narrowly dodge a kitchen hand who’s balancing a towering stack of porcelain dinner plates, frantically apologising, you offer to help out but she swiftly brushes you off, rushing in another direction before you can finish your sentence. 

You slip to a quiet corner of the kitchen, avoiding the preparation benches and bury your face in your hands for just a moment, an exhale of frustration slips from your lips.   

“Hello!” Your manager's voice is grating as he calls your name, your hands drop from your face and you quickly turn to meet him, instead you’re met with clicking fingers inches away from you eyes, you recoil at his obnoxiousness with a flinch. “You’ve still got twenty minutes on the clock kid, get out there” his voice is raised over the sounds of the kitchen, he points to the kitchen doors and you send him a sheepish smile, ‘sorry’ rolls off your tongue but you’re not sure he hears, let alone cares for your apologies. Your expression drops to that of disgust as he passes by, heading to grab something from the freezers, and you throw the finger in his direction. 

You push through heavy kitchen doors, and you notice the back of a man's head sitting in your section of the diner. Rushing to the booth, your eyes flick to your watch quickly and you make a mental note that you have around fifteen minutes left. 

Your hand feels around your apron for your small notebook and pen and your eyes flick down to assist, “Hello welcome to Uncle Bills,” you find it and flip it open giving the man your name, “I’ll be your server today,” you plaster the usual cheesy smile on your face and look up to meet the eyes of the man you’re serving. 

“What a surprise seeing you here” 

“Parker…” your eyes narrow and you try to find the words, “Do you not have a job or like, anyone else to bug?” you genuinely wonder how it’s possible to see someone that you actively avoid twice in a day. 

“That's not a very nice way to talk to customers” he quips, tilting his head to the side.

“Seriously are you stalking me or something,” 

“What you didn’t know about that journal of mine?” he grins up at you, “the one with all that info about your favourite libraries” he laughs with a shrug, and mumbles a ‘thought you knew’.

You roll your eyes with a cross of your arms and turn to clean the table of an old trucker who had finished his burger.

“Wait, I’m sorry,” he laughs out, “I promise. I didn’t know you worked here,” his face is sincere though that stupid grin remains.

You raise your brows at him and a beat passes. 

“I just want a coffee,” he smiles sweetly. 

“Okay” you exhale a sigh, “how do you like it” 

“Just black,” he answers, “so um… when do you get off?”. 

“In like ten minutes thank god, why?” you question writing in your notepad.

“Sugar?” you ask before he can answer and he shakes his head with a, ‘no thanks’

“Well, I just thought, maybe I could walk you home”, he offers with a hint of uncertainty

“What, is my address missing from your journal?” you joke, putting your notepad back into your apron. 

“You’re just on fire today aren’t you” he teases. 

“Aren’t I always,” you give him a sarcastic grin. 

Before turning to get his coffee you pause a moment, meeting his eyes with a genuine smile, “Look Parker… thank you, for the offer but I’m… I’m just exhausted, maybe another time”, you nod and your teeth catch your lip picking at the skin as he responds. 

He nods softly, “Yeah, for sure”. 

You offer a pressed smile before turning to brew his coffee

You return just a moment later, lowering the near overflowing cup ever so slowly ensuring none of it spills. 

“There you go,” you lean in slightly, “I found you our biggest mug, absolutely free of charge” you whisper with a wink, sending a sweet smile.

“My hero” he murmurs sarcastically, matching your low tone with a grin. 

You let out a hum and stand up straight brushing your hands down your apron, “well I’m just about off” You smile and there's an awkward beat of silence.

“Hey you keep those notes I gave you safe, I heard they’re worth a lot” he teases, looking up at you. 

“Hmm, I don't recall any important notes, I did throw away a sheet of paper with unreadable chicken scratch on it though” 

He offers an eye-roll laced with amusement, wishing you a good night. 

You return the sentiment with a sweet grin. 

______________________________________________________________

Awkwardly, your hands fumble behind your back, untying your firmly tied apron. You grab your tips from the pocket and stuff them in your jean pocket. With care, you fold the apron neatly and slide it into the pigeon-hole designated with your name, swapping it with your jacket which you slip on. 

The image of Peter's big brown eyes flash in your mind and you feel the all-too-familiar pang of guilt rising in your throat. Your teeth snag your lips as you frown slightly and for a moment you think you should have accepted his offer to walk you home. 

You swing your backpack over your shoulder, taking a second to think, and release it’s likely you’ll catch him on your way out, you swallow your nerves and decide you’ll take him up on his offer. 

You let your manager know you’re leaving and push through the kitchen swinging doors, expecting to see Peter still sitting at the booth. 

Instead, you’re met with a half-drunken cup of coffee and a five-dollar tip. Your lips curl into a smile and you roll your eyes, ‘always the gentlemen’ you think to yourself as you pocket the money. 

______________________________________________________________

The soles of your shoes tap against the floor of the subway, and you hum along to your music, resting the back of your head against the cool of the glass. The subway is quiet at this time of night having just missed rush hour and you’re more than grateful for the peace. The voice of the announcement system warns you that your step is the next, you hear it quietly through your music, opening your resting eyes. 

You step onto the quiet platform, thankful for the more peaceful trip this time around. You walk slowly through quiet backstreets taking your time and mindlessly listening to your music, the volume is gentle, wary of the softly throbbing headache that you’ve acquired from the day. You hum along softly, and your teeth sink into your lip, occupying themselves. 

“I thought we weren’t doing that anymore” a familiar voice calls out and a flash of red drops down next to you. 

You jump slightly, turning to look at the man. “And I thought we weren’t scaring young women at night” You let out a breath attempting to control your heart rate, he laughs with an apology and follows your footsteps, walking by your side. 

“I didn’t think I’d see you again?” you utter, though it comes out as a question. 

He hums a laugh, “I just couldn’t stay away” he teases sarcastically. 

“Seems to be the way a lot of people feel” you mumble with a grin. 

“Elaborate”

“I’m fairly sure I have a highly dedicated stalker” you nod playfully. 

He chuckles, “And what makes you think that”. 

“You know that kid I was talking about, Peter?” you ask and Spiderman nods along, “well, he first found me at my favourite library and then walked into my job four hours later to order a coffee”. 

“Sounds like we have a high-profile case on our hands,” he jokes and it pulls a small laugh from your lips with an eye roll. 

“You know you sound a lot like him” you say matter-of-factly. 

“You don’t know what I sound like” he retorts rather quickly. 

“No I mean,” you think for a moment, “you’re both annoyingly witty”. 

“I’ll take that as a compliment” he jokes with a satisfied nod. 

“How does the um,” you raise your hand to your lips, “the voice thing, how does it work” you question with a small tilt of your head. 

“It’s just a vocal converter” he nods. 

“Like Ghostface in Scream,” you add and he nods. 

“And the um,” your hand hovers over your wrist, and you contort your hand into his signature pose. 

“Oh, here look” he stops the both of you and flips his wrist, a white web shoots onto the brick wall behind you. 

“Try it,” he mumbles, your hand hovers over his wrist and he gives you a soft nod, encouraging you to press down on the sensor. You press the heel of his hand and a web shoots past you, sticking to the wall in one swift motion. Your mouth forms an ‘O’ as you mumble a soft, ‘woah’,

Spiderman watches you, a soft smile sits behind his mask. “So do you, like, have any actual powers?” you ask with a furrowed brow, “besides being a genius” you add and the irony draws a small laugh from the boy. 

He hums a soft ‘hmh’, he shakes the web from the shooter and walks past you. You stand with crossed arms and watch as he climbs the walls, his hands and feet sticking to the vertical bricks. “So you can do that without the suit?” you call up at him and he gives a soft nod, releasing the wall and gracefully falling from the height. 

“What else can you do?” you ask in awe, you had never particularly been a fan of Spiderman, you’d watched the news clips, and defended him when your mum questioned if his presence was ethical, though you’d never questioned, nor ever thought of, the logistics of his ‘powers’. 

He lets out a laugh, “I have um, enhanced strength, agility, stamina, all that” he nods, “Oh and um, a tingle?” it comes out as a question and he tilts his head slightly.

“I do not want to hear about your tingle dude” you laugh with a disgusted face, he elbows you gently, with a, ‘Not like that you weirdo’. “No it’s like, I can tell when there’s danger,” he attempts to explain, “like, I know to duck before something hits my head”. 

You shove your hand in your pocket, pulling out a scrunched-up receipt and throw it towards his head. His hand raises swiftly, catching the ball of paper, “really?” he questions before unravelling it, with a serious face and a hum he reads, “Hemorrhoid cream?”. 

Your brows furrow and you quickly grab the receipt to see a grocery list of, ‘gum, Coke Zero and a KitKat’, you roll your eyes with a ‘ha ha, very funny’. 

“So,” he looks down at you and the two of you make eye contact, “tell me about your day,” he mumbles as the two of you continue your stroll, you accept his offer once again. 

“It was pretty boring… I studied for like god knows how long and got nowhere,” you grumble and Spiderman listens attentively. “Then, just as I was on a roll Parker interrupted me… but he gave me his notes so,” you give a pressed smile, “never will I ever tell him how much it helped me out but he is a lifesaver.” you nod. 

Spiderman's lips curl into a wide grin behind the mask and he lets out a hum in response, ” Anyway my boss is an asshole,” you add with a, ‘but what's new’.

“What’d he do today?” he questions and watches as your eyes roll at the thought of your manager. He’s so intensely focused on you and for the first time since knowing you he’s able to take in the small imperfections on your face, he observes the slope of your nose and the way your mouth moves as you speak, and suddenly he’s all the more grateful for the guise of his mask then he’s ever been before. 

“He’s just an asshole you know?” you ramble, eyes locked on the floor in front of you as your brain trails back to your manager's fingers in your face. “I mean he clicked in my face as if I’m like some dog,” you let out an angry huff, “seriously, get your dirty ass fingernails out of my face dude, and then he yelled in my face!” you take in a deep breath before releasing it with the rest of your frustration. 

Spiderman frowns slightly behind the mask with a shake of his head, “you want me to web him up?” he attempts and grins as your lips curl into a smile. “That would be great actually,” you giggle. 

There's a beat of silence before you start up again, “and, I don't know, I feel guilty, I think Peter keeps trying to hangout with me, I mean I refused him like twice today and I don't know…” you trail off for a moment, “It’s not like I hate him, I mean he’s annoying, but so am I, and… well I actually really like talking to him, I just,” you look up at Spiderman, “I’m not blabbing on too much?”. 

His masked face shakes slightly with a soft laugh and a, ‘You’re good.’

“I just don’t think I’m that great at being friends with people,” you exhale a sigh. 

“Well we’re friends” he adds and the Peter behind the mask feels a pang of guilt.

“Yeah, I guess,” you mumble. 

“What you don’t think we’re friends” he quips, nudging you softly and you hum a laugh. 

“Well this is our second time talking…” you trail off and look up at him, sending a stupid grin. 

“That's okay… we just… move fast,” he mumbles and you hum in agreement with a nod, ‘really fast,’ you add and he laughs with an, ‘Exactly’.

“No… you’re right,” and you send him a genuine smile, “Thanks Spidey, for listening”. 

“Spidey huh?” he asks teasingly. “Well I’m not going to say Spiderman every time we talk” you ask with a grin, “I bet you’re not even a man,” you add teasingly. 

“What makes you say that,” he asks defensively. 

“Well first of all that was a little defensive,” you giggle, “and I don’t know,” you shrug, “I’m a teenager, I go to school with teenagers, I know how they act,” you mumble matter-of-factly with a grin. 

“Also I would be a little worried if a forty-year-old man actively sought out walking me home at night,” you add 

“Proud of your detective work are you?” he teases and you give a cocky nod. 

“Well I can’t actually tell you my age-”, he begins,

“Oh come on,” you grin, cutting him off. 

“Okay, you wanna know?” he asks, his tone is earnest and you respond with an eager nod. He pauses and leans in slightly, and you follow his action,

“I’m actually eighty,” he says and a giggle slips from his lips. You grin with an eye roll and hit his arm playfully, he lets out a joking, ‘ow’.

“I think you should have a little more respect for senior citizens,” he laughs following as you continue your route home,

“I have plenty of respect for real senior citizens,” you mumble. 

As the two of you reach your apartment block you let out a huff of pain. “I’m going to rip my feet off,” you groan, wiggling your toes in your shoe. 

“Not so sure that will do any good,” he quips and you grin. 

“What kind of apartment building doesn’t hand an elevator,” you moan, 

“Why don’t I swing you to your fire escape,” he offers sweetly, and you send him a smile, “really?” you ask. 

He hums a, ‘mhm’, and your smile curls wider, before dropping ever so slightly, “my mum… she’ll wonder why I didn't come through the front door,” and Spidey gives a shrug. 

“Maybe she just didn’t notice,” he offers, winking behind the mask before he remembers that you can’t see his face. “Yeah… why not,” you shrug dismissively with a smile. 

He wraps a tight arm around your waist, ‘which is yours?’ he asks and you point to the one lit up with a string of fairy lights with a sheepish smile, he lets out a small laugh finding your attempt at decoration sweet. 

“You’re going to need to hold onto me okay,” he mumbles and you swallow a pang of nerves with a nod of your head before wrapping your arms tightly around his neck. 

He shoots a web, swinging you both upwards and you let out a small yelp at the feeling of the floor disappearing beneath your shoes. Your arms tighten around him and your eyes slam shut at the strange feeling of freefalling for short bursts of moments. 

You feel his chuckle rise with a chuckle as you cling to him tightly. Wind rushes past your ears and through your hair before you feel your feet land on the slightly shaky fire escape, it's over before it begins and you let out a breath you didn’t know you were holding. 

“Holy shit that is terrifying,” you mumble with big eyes, a laugh escapes your lips and you meet his gaze. 

“Next time you should try opening your eyes,” he teases and you mumble a ‘next time?’ with the raise of a brow. He nods with a laugh, “I’ll take you,” he says and his voice is sweet. 

You breathe out an, ‘okay’ with a sure nod of your head. “You should see how beautiful the city is at night,” he mumbles softly and you feel a grin of admiration grow on your face. 

“I’ll look forward to it,” you smile and you wish each other a goodnight before he swings off.

TAGLIST

@chaoticcoffeequeen

[averseunhinged]

it's wip wednesday again and i've been working on slogging my way through finishing things, one agonizing paragraph at a time. however! i think i finally unpacked the last of my notebooks and found this. idk when i'll get back to it. i have a pretty solid amount of it written, know where it's going and how it ends, but there's a middle bit i'm still not sure how to do.

it's canon divergence from the prom episode on, with klaus and caroline and silas's twisty machinations.

“How are you putting Shane in my head? It's, like, an illusion, right? And I'm the only one who can see it. So, you must be getting it from somewhere, but is that really him, or are you what my brain thinks an evil college professor would look like?” Caroline frowned as she thought back over the past months. “I don't think I met him.”

“No,” Silas said. “You do tend to have your own separate storyline, for better or worse.”

She blinked and reared her head back. “Excuse me?”

“Never mind. The hybrid is very fond of you. You weren't a player in my game until now, but your mind has a fascinating complexity.”

Caroline bared her teeth in a cruel parody of her pageant smile. “Please tell me you're not flirting with me by reading my mind. There is so much wrong with that, I can’t even begin to get into it, and I already have one morally bankrupt megalomaniac to manage. I do not need a second constant disappointment.”

“You're mean,” Silas said pleasantly with a quiet laugh. “In all those legends, they only ever spoke of my love’s sweetness and beauty, but a handmaiden wasn’t a servant. They were friends, companions–close as sisters. Qetsiyah had loved me from childhood, but my darling girl didn't care. She was greedy and wanted me for herself. She wanted me, eternity, and the world as well. I only want her. Stop worrying I'm going to be like Damon.”

“Not super-thrilled about you hanging out in my head.” She crosed her arms over her bodice, the beading digging into her skin and the corset constricting her ribcage.

“Are you super-thrilled about anything to do with me?” he asked with a surprising dry humor. “You don't give a damn about the cure. You never did. Don't deny it.” He held up one hand to quiet her when she tried to protest. “I'm in your head. I know your little, secret shames. The only thing that matters to you about any of this is the number of unnecessary deaths. No, I don't mean your witches.”

Silas moved to her, step by slow, even step. She would not move back, wouldn't show that much weakness, even if he could pluck the fear of the closeness of his body right out of her mind.

“I said secret shames. You wear the witches where everyone can see, because you think you’re supposed to. It's the others you hide. You're glad the hybrids are dead. They hurt you, stole away the boy you thought you loved. Plotted without your knowledge, because they didn’t trust you to agree to your hybrid's permanent incapacitation, and made you confront the envious, jealous, hateful beast he can be long before you were ready. And the council of fanatical imbeciles? You may have known them all your life, but it didn't stop them from hurting you. Do you have any idea what they planned for you? Experiments, Caroline. Supposedly to advance modern medicine, but in truth, humans love having an excuse to hurt something.

“It's certainly not the hunter boy I ate, because deep down inside, you know he got what was coming to him. Face it: it's your hybrid's brother and every last one of his line you mourn, because you might not be sweet, and you might not be kind, but you have a just heart. You know it was wrong. An entire line. Do you want a number? Do you want to know how many that boy and his sister murdered? No?”

Caroline tried to back away from him, his rapid-fire recitation chipping away at her bravery. He cupped his hands around her bare shoulders and held her in place in a gentle, but unyielding grip.

“Over seventeen thousand. That is the sort of atrocity a doppelganger is capable of, addled by a sire bond or not. Kol was prolific and his children followed suit. You wouldn't know the sort of vampires he created, but I have to admit, I think they were my favorites. He turned libertines. Actors and singers. Cyprians and courtesans. The makers of his favorite spirits. Particularly creative chefs. Like calls to like, of course, and when the time came, they sired more of their own. A line of hedonists who lived for a good time. For joy. For fun. All dead in the search for my prison. No wonder you contain so little sympathy for the Gilberts. You should have killed the girl when you had the chance."

She struggled against his hold in earnest. He gave her shoulders a fatherly pat and let her go, but her dress was heavy and awkward, and her heels weren't made for the uneven terrain of the woods.

"Whoops!" He steadied her when she tripped and nearly fell backwards, one hand around her upper arm, the other on her shoulder. "Sorry about the inappropriate apparel, but there's a time and place for everything."

"You couldn't have kidnapped me earlier, when I was wearing flats?" she complained.

"Afraid not. Like I said, it’s all about timing. I’ve had eons to plan. Don’t worry so much. Your disappearance has already been noticed.”

She didn’t want to admit how much of a relief it was to know she hadn’t been forgotten. Fury rising at her own pathetic, needy anxiety, she demanded, "Why are you being so nice to me? You've been terrorizing everyone for weeks! You made Klaus maul himself. I had to dig around in his back with pliers! And I know you were torturing him while you looked like me."

"Do you think you'd be happier if you were uglier, Caroline?" Silas asked conversationally, ignoring her question. "I know you wonder why people always want you, but they never, ever love you. You're clever, though. You've turned being underestimated into an art form."

Her mouth fell open in shock. "I have not! I'm not--it's not--"

"Manipulative? On purpose? I'm in your head," he reminded her. "You can be honest with me. It was so easy to get to him while I looked like you. Of course, that's not entirely your doing. The curse, killing his father, his mother pretending to love him, family no longer willing to endure his abuse. He's been turned around and tied in knots until he'd do nearly anything for a kind word from you. I cupped his face in your hands, and he nearly broke apart into pieces. So desperate for your gentle touch. Asleep and awake, he dreams of you. The fantasies that torment him the most aren't the ones of your body that make him take himself in hand." Silas leaned closer to her, nearly nose to nose. His borrowed brown eyes were dark and terrifying in their gentle, knowing sincerity. "He doesn't want to long for a life with you, of travel and family, home and love, but he does, Caroline. You can't fathom the atrocities he would commit in your name. The degradation he'd endure for your approval, for the blessing of the only god he knows."

"Let me go," she insisted, panicked and shrill. "Let me go!"

When he did, she pushed him back and bent over to unbuckle her shoes. It was a relief to drop them carelessly, even though her stockings would be ruined. She hadn't had any illusions about this being the perfect night she'd constructed for years, but it was destroyed beyond anything she could have planned for.

"I could help you with your hair," Silas offered. "You've barely noticed, but the pins are digging into your scalp."

She dropped her second shoe and stood up, clenching her hands into fists to stop their trembling. "Does that mean I'm not going to prom at all?"

"I can't be sure." He shrugged and admitted, "I don't think so, but I've been wrong before."

[wetcatspellcaster]

Hi! Sorry to bother you again, I'm the one who asked you a while ago if it was okay to ask for some tips on writing dialogue. Thank you so much for your availability and time 🙇‍♀️ I'm mostly curious about how you structure your dialogues and how you manage to build chemistry between the characters through banter. Do you follow a particular set of rules or does it just come natural to you? You write so many ideas and cool dialogues, how do you manage to come up with so many? In general, if you have any tips for a fledgling "writer", they are super welcome. No pressure, of course, I really don't want to intrude/steal your time. P.s. I forgot last time to tell you that I also really loved your AU fic, Party Favours. I was hooked from the first lines and I had so much fun reading it. It was a really comforting and entertaining read, like drinking a hot chocolate in winter. Honestly, thank you so much for gifting us with such a warm and funny story. 🥰☕

Hey! Thank you for being so nice about my writing and the strengths you think I have - I didn't know I had them, so it was interesting to see my work from someone else's perspective.

And also don't worry, it's not a bother to answer this question. Although I'm not sure how helpful I'll be as I have no formal training and that might mean my explanations aren't useful!!

I'll try to answer as best I can :)

I don't really have rules for chemistry, I'll be honest, but my favourite dynamic (as is fucking obvious from many a fic I've written) is overconfident flirt/straight-laced practical killjoy. Luckily for me... there are a lot of these in media (Howl/Sophie, Tamaki/Haruhi, certain flavours of Buffy/Spike, Jude/Cardan from The Cruel Prince, Labyrinth fanfiction, whatever was going on with Emily Wilde's Encyclopedia of Faeries)! So I guess, if I was to give advice on that... I'd say if you really like a certain dynamic, go and look for examples of how they work elsewhere. Work out what it is about the pairing that makes your brain itch, or examine how these characteristic interactions play out, if there's any kind of formula to them - for instance, in Party Favours, the bit where Astarion is actively and overconfidently faking while talking to Threnn while Rose gets more and more flustered, was based partly on a fake relationship episode of Buffy lol. Like I didn't copy it word for word or anything, but it was an idea I saw elsewhere that I knew would be good for the pairing. .

Coming up with ideas... again, idk how idiosyncratic my process is. I maladaptive daydream a lot, and I really like scripting arguments (see above about what dynamics in fiction work for me, lmfao). i just love to hallucinate bickering, apparently. If I have any lines of dialogue that occur to me in any situation, I tend to put them into my notes app on my phone, to revisit later. If I have a scene with a particular purpose, I might look through my dialogue on my phone and try to find a series of quotes that work. Other times the maladaptive daydream for a few days might be the scene, and I'll write down any notes on what I want to happen and let it percolate for a few days before I actually write it. Sometimes pieces of dialogue will come to me before the scene does - Astarion's speech in chapter 7 of pieces happened before any of the rest of the fic, and then I was like "fuck. well. now i've got to get myself there." Mostly, this seems to just be a result of having these people live in my head rent free, but I'm also pretty autistic and so I script conversations a lot in social interactions anyway. .

Dialogue. I think dialogue comes naturally to me (see above comment about autism) and as such, I don't really follow any strict rules, I'm afraid... but these are some things I do formally try to do-

If a person is talking at someone (again, see how much I fucking love writing people bickering), you need to make sure it's not just a wall of text. Adding in paragraph breaks, even if it's a monologue, is kind of essential (speaking as someone who did not do this in the beginning, and it shows, particularly when you're reading my earlier fic on mobile rather than desktop). Often I will break it up with a one sentence interjection, a false start from the other person trying to get a word in edgeways, or a stage direction. I had a problem with one pairing I wrote for where one of the characters just would never speak... I needed to engineer lines for him to say even if it was completely superfluous. Sometimes, now I look at my writing, I feel like these are obviously fake and unnecessary... but they help break up the text and give the reader pauses. So they must be helpful, even if they're kind of just... there. it makes the dialogue a dialogue, with two people involved and reacting to each other. -

Similarly, speeding stuff up can be useful when creating banter, to keep pace and avoid people monologuing at each other. The key ways I tend to speed stuff up is usually a) characters finishing each other's sentences (derogatory or affectionate), b) interrupting each other (you'll notice my repeated 'Astarion-' is often used to get Astarion to just talk quicker and at more length and in more detail until Rose loses her goddamn mind), c) quicker back and forth where you don't need dialogue tags or stage directions bc characteristic voices will make it clear who is speaking. -

I read everything aloud as I post. This is how I proofread. Reading aloud helps me find spelling errors/sentence errors, but it also means that I have to speak all my dialogue aloud to my own wall like a crazy person. If I'm speaking it aloud in a different way, like the phrasing changes subconsciously to what's more natural in my mouth, I will often edit the dialogue to reflect that. I speak it, to see how it is spoken. -

Second to the above point, if you have a character who's voice you struggle with, listen/watch clips of their voice. I do not think I can write Lae'zel (or Gale tbh, and I'm now writing a whole fic from his pov so I clearly hate myself). I watch back clips of them all the time, and then I go to my dialogue, and see if I can hear it in their voice. If I can, I keep it. -

...Be brave enough to tell jokes. I genuinely can't tell you how much I don't think I'm funny. Every joke I write in my fic, I have no idea if anyone else will enjoy it, or if it only makes me laugh. But I put it in there, for me. I'm lucky, bc now some people tell me they found a joke amusing, and I'll know it landed with someone else other than me. But you tell jokes with your friends, presumably, and you're playful with them. So allow your characters to joke with each other, even if you're scared that no one else will 'get it'. If no one else finds it funny, at least the characters are having fun! -

Anyway, those are my main 'tips', I don't know if any of them are helpful!!

My other one main piece of advice is... read. Seriously. Even if the media you want to write for isn't a literary novel, read other people's writing, and I do mean both fic and published books, because published books (if they're good) have an editor. I read a lot of books/webtoons/manga before I ever wrote a fic... like for 12 years or something. I was a big reader, and reading good writing is useful - it's inspiring, it's also just technically helpful. These writing tips might be useless, because lot of what I've done in my own writing I've learned through osmosis - just by reading a fuck tonne of books, good and bad. I'm not saying you have to read 60 books a year or w/e, but read like, a few good books!

(also, just write a bunch. I am only becoming a 'read' fic author on my 11th project??? basically??? so I've had a lot of practice at this point, and grown in confidence. The more things you finish, the more ambitious you get. I couldn't have conceived of Pieces when I was writing my first fanfic, bc I thought plot was my main weakness... now I'm writing an almost entirely original premise and that's bc I've learned a lot since I started writing!)

[cerealandchoccymilk]

Trigun Bookclub: Trigun Vol.1, Chapter #06

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I’m doing a deep-read of the Japanese original print (reread) and Overhaul 1.0 (first read) side-by-side, and writing down everything I notice from small details, version differences, translation differences, etc.

Here are the non-analysis meow meow panels (only 2 today, sorry 😔)

And the rest is under the cut.

[link for if the images aren’t in horizontal rows]

I really love the "train conductor/bus driver/etc puts themself in danger to protect the passengers" trope- NOOOOOOOOOO COOL CONDUCTOR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Small correction: These first onomatopoea are actually...flesh sounds...... And I wasn't really thinking about corrections for this one, more just for nuance, but Neon says something like "it's unfortunate, but..." in this line.

A small difference here: in my version it's actually CO2, not oxygen that's being supplied to the Heat Plant. However, considering that O2 is a fuel for combustion and CO2 is a byproduct, it may be an error on Nightow's part.

This is one of the first indications of who Kaito actually is. He knows all of this off the top of his head, which catches the Captain by surprise.

It also provides information about Plants. This could either mean that all Plants require some kind of fuel, or that the Plants can utilize those resources in some other way to help the Sandsteamer.

Get graphited idiot.

We also get to see more of Kaito's attachment to this Sandsteamer.

Here, the original line is more like "Why would Brilliant Dynamites Neon have to listen to you when this treasure—the prey I've been hunting—is right in front of me!?"

This is where I notice that Neon has a sort of obsession with "beauty," not just in the regular sense but also in his own way. He obviously values visuals—his over-the-top fashion and desire to go out with a bang—but to him, it's also a question of dignity. (this will be on the exam yall)

Even the gang member is getting worried about what Neon might do to Kaito... And here's where we find out why Kaito knows so much and wants to protect the Sandsteamer!

Notes on the original phrasing of this line, since I saw a few posts comparing the Dark Horse and Overhaul versions.

The Japanese line is「パッと散りな　小僧」 パッ(pa') is an onomatopoea for "pop," "poof," or a release (e.g. letting go of an object). 散る(chiru, used here in command form) means "scatter," most commonly associated with falling cherry blossom petals. From that, it's also a euphemism for dying. i can go on for another paragraph on the association of cherry blossoms with Japanese views on life/death but you can figure that out. or google it idk

I think this line is another excellent representation of Neon's values on beauty and death.

I love this page so much!! The flow comes to a complete stop, and the tension that has been building throughout the last few pages is at its peak here. The composition is also excellent. The art is symmetrical, and Neon's giant outfit follows the lines leading from the bottom corners of the page up to Vash's gun, where they intersect right in the middle. I JUST LOVE THESE KINDS OF COMPOSITIONS SO MUCH.....

can't remember why i wrote "sike" there

It took a while to figure out what happened here, but I think Vash either sensed danger or actually dodged a bullet, and chose to jump back out. Love the way he's firmly holding Kaito's overalls while Kaito doesn't understand anything that's going on lol

The silly goofies... theyre screaming crying shitting themselves out there....

It's a bit hard to see, but Kaito is screaming "AAAHHH PULL ME UPPP" in the middle panel.

This exchange after the two get to safety is also so silly... There's a missing "whrrrr drill drill" SFX for Vash's drill hand (?). I saw a photo of the Dark Horse version which was missing it in the same way, with the leftover ン on Vash's cheek.

I forgot to highlight it, but this note pertains to Vash's second speech bubble about death and destruction. The Japanese version of the line is something like "I swear!! I have at least 2 digits' worth of death-gods(死神) or poverty-gods(貧乏神) haunting me!!" Death-gods/shinigami are already well-known in the West so I won't explain that here. The second one, poverty-god/binbōgami, is a similar kind of thing, except it brings poverty to whoever it clings onto (instead of death). Fun fact: Binbōgami are said to like yakimiso (grilled miso paste).

VASH'S SOUPY BRAIN!!! The mystery has been solved!!!

But first, in order... Vash's first line is more like "We can't be worrying about all this right now." It could keep the original phrasing, but the main idea is to change "me" to "us."

The next (most important) line is actually "We gotta save brainpower [for the matter at hand]." The confusion lies in the word 脳みそ, which literally translates to "brain miso," but is actually the word for brain tissue, and thus brainpower. It has nothing to do with miso soup! The origin I wrote in the middle-left of the image is...dubious.... I told my mom about this just now, and she mentioned that it might be called that because みそ(miso) also means the center or key aspect of something. Weblio also says it signifies innards (like from crab or shrimp), similar to what I wrote in the annotation at first. I'll fix it in the document later

Also, I would phrase the last line as "I mean, we're gonna stop this ship, right!?"

Kaito's skills are actually insane. What do you mean you just copied the entire blueprint... Mistranslation: The respect is directed towards his dad, so it should be "You must really look up to your dad."

I didn't know his name was spelled Kaite in this version. My Japanese version copy has that bottom part in a regular speech bubble, and with the font for the boxes. It's most likely just a version-exclusive error. He also says that his dad "found" the ship, but I'm not sure if that's another error or not since this translation makes more sense.

This line is phrased more like "Just for a little bit of cash, I'm now taking advantage of you for a deal with a crook."

I really loved the execution of this scene in the '98 anime. get hammered into the ground boy The final line is from Kaito, not Vash, and should be "...Yeah!!"

And that’s it for Chapter #06! Sorry for the wait, I couldn't work on this as much as I'd liked because of the smoke and rainstorm, combined with weekend responsibilities. Feeling better now though 💪 As always, the Japanese annotations are in the reblogs.

~~~

Bonus: reactions to the soupy-brained Vash post

[supermacaquecool]

About my Hairy Matters fic.

I'm really proud of the opening paragraph for this one because it gets across really really really well how mad Aoi is at the siblings lol

'Miu, Miu, Miu.' Kaito's voice echoes incessantly. 'I told you to do it before you went out.' 'Ugh, you're so annoying, why don't you ever shut up?' And so on. The Shinonome are back at it again. They fight over everything, even about where they sit at the table. Aoi wishes there were a way to make them stop. Whatever the issue is, it surely doesn't warrant all the yelling, all the name-calling, all the tantrums. Is it that hard to listen to each other and cooperate? Should she get involved? If only Takuma were here… In his absence, she has no choice but to step up to the task.

The way their usual song and dance gets recalled is just so irked up. It's not just that they're fighting but that they fight nonstop and that she finds their behavior unreasonable lol

This one was written because of a twitter poll where I asked who cuts Miu's hair, whether it was Miu herself, Kaito, their parents or a hairdresser lol I'm pretty sure this was because I was thinking on another pair of siblings from the game "World's end game club", where hair-cutting was a significant bonding activity between them (plus the cute fanart with Miu retouching Kaito's root). I got some pretty interesting answers that I felt could evidence their complicated dynamic/household situation. Why write it from Aoi's pov? For one, she's my fav. But another thing is that I wished that the Shinonome making their rocky dynamic everyone's problem was more explored in the game, and Aoi is their leader + the one who is the biggest Harmony proponent, so I thought it could be interesting writing her dealing with them.

When writing Aoi's pov for this fic, I wanted to get across a number of things:

Her hidden anger–I quoted in the notes her wrathful line "Siblings should get along" because it really highlights how much she resented them for being so disruptive without saying a peep. She gets really condescending to Kaito and Miu in her debut as Plutomon, so I wanted to explore some of that.

Her near-constant state of complete anxiety and the causes it stems from. Her lack of self-confidence showing through how little faith she has in her speech. Lots of worries about whether she can do it, whether she can pick the right answer to pacify them and reach harmony, whether they'd hear her (I think this can have a bit of a tenous implication about her worries on whether her authority is respected). These anxieties also show her obsession with doing things right, which adds to her tension (my friend remarked that she's so careful with every aspect of her actions, it made her felt unnerved alongside Aoi lol).

Aoi's constant self-monitoring and self-censoring based on being on high alert about others' reactions at all times.

Her tendency to feel deeply for others still pushing her to empathize with them/want to help them.

I was quite pleased with how, despite the intense anxiety, Aoi still comes across as fairly driven, scanning for the next task to tackle.

The conflict between Miu and Kaito lasts a fairly small portion of the fic, which ends up mostly devoted to Kaito's perspective on it. It was challenging to figure out a way to get him to open up and talk about it in a way that felt organic— channeling his protectiveness over Miu's peculiarities was a really effective way to do it. Overall, it felt a sucessful try at capturing the way arguments get complicated between the clashing perspectives and personalities, and using Dracmon to smooth out the interactions via teasing and cheeky remarks was a blast.

Miu's part is very small, and the unwritten and unposted chapter two to this thing is meant to remedy that... At some point. But I still had fun writing her snapping at Aoi. It basically went like this:

Miu: pls pls pls get kaito off my back.

Aoi, missing the cue: idk how to do this thing you're asking me to.

Miu, alrededy furious bc Kaito is bothering her: UGH

It was a really comedic interaction to me LOL

Other things:

I got a good chuckle out of my friend pointing out how stressful living with them sounded bc of the remark of them fighting about their seat at the table LOL She said she could picture Kaito insistently sitting besides Miu and that it irked her really badly. In my mind, he'd do it because Miu is the only one from the group he's truly close to, no meaning any harm lol But Miu'd be fed up with him breathing over her neck, so...

I was pretty proud of how I wrote Aoi's uneasiness to speak on a physical level. Again, my focus on phisicality really comes in handy to show how easily she gets overwhelmed.

There's some nice emotional ambiguity with how strongly her emotions come across in the narration yet are never acknowledged nor named directly.

The tittle. Is. Really. Funny LOL I usually half-ass the tittles, so the fact it's a corny joke should be taken as a Win

[manofmanymons]

do you have any tips for writing?

I feel unqualified to answer this question because 90% of my writing process is me throwing words at a paper and hoping something sticks but like I do have some things that I’ve learned are helpful to me (also I tried answering this like three days ago but tumblr force quit and deleted everything I typed and I was too tired to redo it I’m so sorry)

Although I almost feel the need to put a disclaimer here that my writing kinda falls into a very specific niche of like…dialogue heavy lighthearted character interactions written in the third person limited perspective because that’s what’s fun to me so idk if what works for me is remotely helpful to anyone else

But I would say my #1 tip would just be to make an outline

I am so serious my life got so much better when I stopped trying to write things in one straight shot and started outlining them first

The last fic I wrote had an outline that was 1.2k words long because that’s how many words I needed to organize my thoughts before I could write the actual story

Because sometimes you have certain scenes or lines of dialogue that exist very vividly in your head and you just want to write those but you don’t know how to start the fic or how to transition between the parts you wanna write and rather than getting lost in the weeds tryna write those in-between parts I say just write the part you wanna write first

Get every last little thought out of your head before you forget it

If I can’t think of the right word for something in the moment, I won’t waste time tryna figure it out, I just keep going and then come back to it later (e.g. my brain will blank on the word “asserted” so I’ll write something stupid like “said in like a confident? Authoritative way?” and then come back to it)

And once that part is over, then I’ll worry about putting those scenes in order, and I’ll write vague ideas of what I want to happen in the in-between parts. It’s hard for me to explain what I mean so I’m just gonna humiliate myself on the internet and insert this screenshot from my aforementioned 1.2k word outline

It's literally bullet points, the one paragraph I knew I wanted to write, and then more bullet points.

And that applies for dialogue too! Sometimes I don’t even know what I want these mfers to say. I will make in depth notes about how I want a conversation to go before I even think about most of the words.

And when I do write the words, sometimes my outlines will be so adverb heavy an actual writer would cry like I will legit have a whole conversation of “they said nervously” “they said awkwardly” “they said uncomfortably” “they said irritably” and then go back and fill in better words for said or add actions that convey nervousness or whatever later

BUT ALSO PERSONALLY THIS ISN’T A REAL TIP THIS IS JUST LIKE AN OPINION TAKE IT OR LEAVE IT I do not agree with people who act like you have to replace ALL of your adverbs in writing I think adverbs exist for a reason and as long as you’re not abusing them, people who complain are just being annoying alkfjdaj N E WAYS

On the topic of dialogue (like I said I write a lot of dialogue-heavy things so most of my brain power goes into dialogue okay I’m sorry) several things I like to ask when I write a line are

-Did that come out of nowhere or would a person actually say that? If it did come out of nowhere, how can I bring it up more naturally?

-Would this character react that way or did I just write what I would do? (and if it’s the latter, fix it) Here’s where I admit I cheat a little bit by heavily gravitating toward writing characters who already act similarly to me so I don’t have to think about it too much. That’s not a tip. I’m not telling you you should do that. It’s probably bad that I do that. I just felt like sharing.

-Similar note as the last one, does this line sound like something this character would say, or does it sound super generic like I could swap in any other character to this role and it would make equally as much sense?

-This tends to work better for me if the thing I’m writing for has an english dub (so you can imagine that Survive regularly gives me panic attacks when it comes to character voice and characterization and I’m in a permanent state of second-guessing myself and crying inside) but I also like to try and see if I can read the line in the character’s voice. I feel infinitely more confident in a line if I feel like I could really hear them saying it.

I realize I’ve talking mostly in terms of fanfic writing specifically but like other than that last one it can apply to original stuff too y’know like you wanna write your characters consistently and make sure you’re not randomly changing their personality and how they talk just to fit a situation

Obviously I'm not infallible and I've probably fucked up my own advice before but to quote alice in wonderland, I give myself some very good advice but I very seldom follow it

Uhhh, use whatever perspective you’re writing in to your advantage. I like third-person limited because it lets me convey certain thoughts/feelings through the style of like,,,the paragraphs themselves without always having to write their exact thoughts + I can really hone in on the perspective character.

But like if you’re a fan of first person then you can really go ham with writing the whole thing in their voice, and if you’re into third-person omniscient then you don’t have to confine yourself to the knowledge of one character, you can flat out say what everyone is doing/thinking and why they’re doing/thinking it.

If you are like me and you like to confine yourself to a specific perspective character, one thing I have a hard time doing sometimes but I think you just gotta do is…leave some things unsaid. Y’know like as the writer you know why a certain character is acting a certain way, but your perspective character doesn’t. You can say why they think the other character is doing something, but I think you gotta ask yourself “is this character good at reading people/do they know this person really well or would they more likely misunderstand?” Sometimes they can be an unintentionally unreliable narrator, as a treat.

Don’t be afraid to use the ctrl+F if you think you may have accidentally used a certain word or phrase too many times. I’m a California valley gal do you have any idea how many “likes” I have to edit out of my rough drafts

Other than all that I guess I would just say…fuck around and have fun with it. Sure I write in a certain perspective now, but I messed around with first and even second person pov before. I’m not trying to sound wise or motivational I am being 100% serious when I say just write for yourself. Don’t even think about whether your writing appeals to others. Go girl (gender neutral) give us a fic about that character/ship that only you like.

Literally my first fic in Survive fandom was a painfully self-indulgent deep dive into a character that at the time I was like 90% positive no one but me gave a shit about and I had more fun with it than you could ever imagine

Write in a weird format. Write 0 dialogue. Write only dialogue. Get overly descriptive or poetic. Refuse to describe anything. Try imitating a writer you like. Write a canon x OC fic. I cannot stress enough how much I think you should just do whatever you want.

[jungw8ns]

GOING TO AN ESCAPE ROOM WITH ENHYPEN !

PAIRING: boyfriend!enha x gn!reader. GENRE: established relationship, fluff, crack. WARNINGS: profanity (not that much tho), mentions of death (?). WORD COUNT: 100 - 200 each member.

HEESEUNG:

the two of you were so pumped playing an escape room together for the first time that the other people in line had to calm you guys down (which was trully embarrassing to say the least 🤐🤐)

he was looking at the ranking board filled with pictures of players that had succeeded in the shortest amount of time and he just wanted nothing more than to see both your faces on there

but anyways, we all know how competitive heeseung gets 🕴️

oh boy let me tell you, this guy WAS SPEEDRUNNING IT but not the kind you were thinking

the second the timer had started he was literally SPRINTING AROUND THE ROOM LOOKING FOR CLUES YET COMPLETELY MISSING THEM 🏃‍♂️💨💨💨

while he was busy running around, you were picking up the little details in the room and in no time managed to open a few locks

"y/n look i found– oh 😐😑😐"

HE WAS SULKING PLSSS 😭😭😭

when you noticed him standing from afar staring at you with his arms crossed, you called him to solve this one puzzle you already did

*gasps* "oh no! babe i don't understand how to do this, please help me 😔😔🤥🙏🙏"

he had to bite his lower lip to stop himself from letting out that cocky grin but it got out eventually

"oh it's so easy sweetheart, just put this here and then voila! 😉"

when the two of you escaped you suprisingly got to take a polaroid with him home after ranking 2nd in the records

heeseung was the one who held onto it tho, placing it underneath his clear phonecase for safekeeping <3

JAY:

GOD THIS DUDE

THE ESCAPE ROOM WASN'T EVEN THAT SCARY AND YET EVERYTIME YOU GUYS OPEN A LOCK OR A DOOR HIS FIGHT OR FLIGHT INSTINCTS COME UP 😭😭👊👊

"y/n stay behind me >:(("

"um, babe, you do realize that's just a door right?"

"WE'LL BETTER SAFE THAN SORRY?? THE STAFF COULD'VE PROGRAMMED IT TO GROW LEGS?? 😵🧐🧐"

you knew you shouldn't have played horror games with him a few nights ago cause he looked like he was about to lose his mind 😔

you had to shove his ass aside and move on to the next mission cause the both of you knew that he was stalling 🏌️‍♀️

jay was being extra clingy the whole time you were playing, he'd either link arms with you or hold hands (he's literally so adorable) 💞💞

BUT THEN YOU THOUGHT OF DOING A PRANK ON HIM

while you were roaming around the room trying to solve a puzzle, you saw this horse mask on a nearby table

and so you made sure jay was distracted and put on the mask

you could've NOT worn the dusty old thing but where was the fun in that?

"jay can you come here for a sec?"

you hid behind the wall beside the door frame waiting for him to come into your sight and attacked him

now, how about we guess what happens next?

a. he faints

b. he runs away

or c. he slaps you in the face and forces you to buy him food for the rest of the night

if you guessed c then YAY! YOU'RE CORRECT 🥳🎉🎉🎊

THIS HOE SLAPS YOU AS HE SHOULD

"$##/@+(+'£%(:?!!)&£**/*%@"

when he finally takes off the mask like those scenes in scooby doo he's never felt so betrayed in his life

"i- I TRUSTED YOU 😭😭😭 YOU BETTER BUY ME FOOD LATER, I CAN'T BELIEVE THIS, THE BETRAYAL???? LITERALLY UNPROVOKED?????"

he wouldn't stop side eyeing you until you guys finally pulled up on the mcdonalds drive thru

"hi, can i get two um– bts meals please? 😒😒 and two oreo mc flurries 🙄🙄 and also large fries 😐😐"

sane (1/3)

would be trailing behind you like a little puppy (i love him so much 😭😭😭)

he either has his arm linked with yours or held hands every five minutes

JAKE:

really focused on the puzzles he's doing but the second he hears you call out his name for help he's there beside you with the sweetest smile

but anyways, mans was POPPING OFF the entire time you were playing

he was solving problem after problem in no time (he wanted to impress you is why he activated his inner flash ⚡⚡) but he did let you play tho, the last thing he wanted to do was make you pissed at him for hogging all the games

def buried jake with compliments and forehead kisses right after ❤️__❤️

and so the two of you got out in like an hour and a few which you were very proud of

"you were so cool today babe, good job !!"

"aww thank you angel 😊😊"

sane (2/3)

SUNGHOON:

would be linking pinkies with you the whole time, only letting go whenever the both of you had to solve something that needed two or more people

there was this one game tho where he had to arm wrestle this literal hand lever to open the door to the last room (yea...don’t ask why, the staffs were pretty weird 😬😬) 

it made him enjoy the experience a bit more as it was only the two of you playing instead of getting accompanied by strangers

HGAWAHSGDHSGHDA PLSS THIS GUY

“oh this’ll be easy, y/n step aside, i’ll handle this 😏😏😏”

idk if you were supposed to think about how handsome he looked with his serious expression on and his veiny hands coming into frame or be worried for him because the lever was REAL HARD to pull that his veins looked like they were going to pop any second soon, you stepped in and helped him tho cause you were a good s/o <3

from a spectators point of view, the two of you looked like y’all were about shit your pants but the two of you eventually succeeded on beating it, immediately dragging him to the next room which had a sofa in it, laying down to catch your breaths

cliché moment ahead ⚠️⚠️

the two of you shared a few laughs before standing up on the empty space, held hands and started to jump in circles to celebrate your success 💃💃

yupp, y’all were never going back to that hellhole again

very stubborn at first, he wanted nothing to do with the game but then you held him at gunpoint by saying:

SUNOO:

"please just this once or else i'll revoke your mint choco ice cream rights 🔫🔫🔫"

"BUT IT'S SCARY IN THERE BABE :((("

"it won't be that scary sunshine, besides, i'll be ready to 🤜💥 yk?? trust me babe i would never let anyone hurt you <33"

kinda pissed since you blackmailed him into the place and also bc he wanted to play bumper cars and dance mania but he yea he caved in pretty quick 😋😋

(y/n let him play his games in peace tf >:(((( )

once you guys got in tho he realized how normal it was and that it was not terrifying at all

THE EPITOME OF CLINGY OMFG

he wouldn't stop back hugging you and you couldn't bring yourself to push him away to play the games so you just let him walk behind you with his arms on your shoulders 😩😩

(y'all were walking kinda funny but don't tell sunoo that 🤫🤫🤫)

yea the two of you ended up escaping with a whopping 2 hours and a few minutes

but it was the effort that counts so A+++++ for the both if you 😜👍👍👍

sane (3/3)

JUNGWON:

was the one who suggested going, he even searched on naver about really good escape room places to visit and was overall really looking forward it

he liked going to places and having fun with you so it wasn't a shock how his eyes were literally crescents and his dimples were so evident

yea he literally rushed the both of you to the place that you were the first in line 😵

while waiting for the staff to finish setting up he was playing with your connected hands like 🖐️✊🖐️✊ (so precious 💞💞)

"y/n why are you taking so long 😭😭 what if they close and we end up not solving a single lock, hurry up por favorrr 😩🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏"

when they finally lead you to the room he was kind of surprised that they had separated the two of you into different spaces (like the one with txt where they had the answers to the other member's puzzles yk???)

he was locked inside a telephone stand while you were handcuffed in the main room

dw the two of you reunited after a few minutes cause jungwon was rushing his lock to get to you 🤭

you both were progressing at an average pace and it made you guys a lot more closer (not that you guys weren't before but you get what i mean)

after you guys escaped the two of you went to eat curry and talked about the whole experience 😋✌️✌️✌️

this boy literally dragged you in the escape room with him

NIKI:

HE DIDN'T EVEN GIVE YOU TIME TO REFUSE HE JUST 😐👉🚪

"ok masterchefs, in order to test your abilities we must go through series of puzzles and make it out alive, understood?"

he tried ignoring how confused you were and went on to try and get you guys to escape

HE'S LAUGHING AT YOU FOR WHATEVER REASON AND OBV YOU LAUGH ASWELL CAUSE WHO WOULDN'T??? his laugh is so contagious pls 🤖🤖 he was so close to d wording cause he couldn't breathe from laughing too much

yea.. you guys spent so much time laughing at each other for being so dumb at this that you ended up playing 'till closing time

spoiler alert: he fails on doing anything cause the second you made eye contact with him this child collapses 😍🤩

GIRL SO EMBARRASSING 🤡🤡

THE STAFF KICKED THE BOTH OF YOU OUT AND NOW YOU GUYS WERE BANNED FROM THE PLACE ☠️☠️

"haunted house next weekend???"

"BET"

NOTE – god they were WAY funnier in my head but yeah.... i love them so much AND OMFG HAVE YOU GUYS SEEN HEESEUNG’S SELCAS LAST NIGHT???!?@??#?@?!?@ HE’S NOT REAL WTF ⁉️❓❓⁉️

also, idk why BUT EVERY TIME I SAVE A DRAFT the paragraphs get scrambled?? £!?) 6=6) 🤣😂💔💔🤣🤣😂💔 it's so annoying but anyways, ilysm pls stay safe and have a great day <33

[step-on-me-khun]

Your Voice Ch.9 - timeskip Kenma x Reader

i still have no schedule for this, if i can add to this every so often i will. but there will be nsfw chapters in like 4 or 6 chapters. idk let's see what happens

afab!reader

Warning(s): no just fluff

Word Count: 1388

Taglist: @jaundrew @kaieoh @zjmbaek @bqkuho3 @kryptidkova @yuriewolfhard @lucyrocks86 @yukihime-mikeys-girl

[|Ch.8|] - [|Ch.10|]

After a stressful day at work, you arrive home. Any energy you had had slowly dwindled into near exhaustion. But you remembered a weird text you received earlier on, only thinking of it as your mind playing tricks on you.

Your hand dove straight into your coat pocket, picking up your phone and reading who the newest message was from, Kenma. It wasn't like Kenma to text you early in the morning, but that wasn't what got you all wide-eyed. It was his confession that left you staring at the screen.

Maybe Kuroo took his phone and did this secretly? They're close friends. It wasn't a stretch to think that Kuroo would do that. But would he? And did he even have the time to do that?

There was very little doubt in your mind that it was Kuroo. The confession felt genuine.

So you replied to the very last line in the text, which asked said: it doesn't really matter if you feel the same or not, I just had to get it said and out of the way. Now, you could've wasted your remaining energy on writing a paragraph of your own emotions, but you just kept it simple. You did love Kenma, and you wanted to say that to him. That's what you did, giving a short and sweet response to him.

The only problem you had now was keeping it off your mind as you slept.

__________

Physical affection was nothing you worried about, and if you knew someone long enough, you were happy to show it to others. Kenma wasn't all used to this.

You were the one to go to him, knocking on the front door to his house unexpectedly.

The minute Kenma opened the door, the two of you were red-faced.

But you felt brave, and you would soon show Kenma just how brave you were.

As soon as you entered the living area, you grabbed Kenma's sweater and turned him around to face you.

His eyes widened once you pulled him in quickly for a kiss. The heat and sudden shock sent both your faces red.

Was it a reckless thing to do? Yes, but both of you had confessed, so there was no problem. To you, at least, there was no problem.

"Sorry if you weren't ready for something like that. I just had to act on my feelings. I'll go now," you quickly say before moving to the door. But as you rushed to the door, Kenma grabbed at the sleeve of your coat.

Feeling the pull on your arm, you turn to Kenma, your face embarrassed and still red.

"Can I return what you gave to me?" Kenma asks shyly.

Sure, you were both adults, with anxiety over your trapped emotions. It was as if you went back in time and were a teenager again.

You gave Kenma a soft smile and replied, "if you need to act on how you feel for me, then I won't stop you,"

"You're the first person I've had these feelings for," Kenma explains, his hand softly caressing the skin of your face.

Kenma was a little hesitant to move his mouth closer to yours, but you keep patient. He was shaking a little, his fingers like feathers against your pink cheeks.

As his lips gently pressed onto yours, you felt a slight relief rush up from your toes to your head.

It was a short kiss, but it felt like it lasted forever. That was how you wanted it: something that would linger in your memories for as long as you wanted it to, or until the next kiss.

Were you moving too quick? Yes, but you wanted to get that small act out of the way, and you were sure that it must've made Kenma a bit relieved, too. His hands drop from your face.

As your lips pulled away, the sight of Kenma's face caught your attention. His face was red, and it was also such a sweet and cute sight.

But to Kenma, you looked like the most precious and cutest human on the planet.

Eye contact wasn't the easiest, but the two of you would have to get used to your new relationship.

"Does - does this mean we're a 'thing' now?" Kenma asks.

"Do you want us to be like that?" You respond.

"Kinda, do you?"

You smile, "I'd like us to be like that,"

You knew it was a bit too soon to take your actions further. But for now, it was fine. I love you would come later on when the two of you were more confident in saying those words.

"Okay, I'm going to go home and scream into a pillow," you announce as you walk to the front door, finally giving Kenma eye contact as you reach the front door. "I suppose I'll talk to you later," you say as you leave.

Kenma knew what you meant when you said 'later'. It was a night he was supposed to be streaming. And instead of being able to stream, his mind was going to be clouded by the thoughts of you.

Still, the thought of you possibly watching or joining him in the stream made him feel both elated and anxious.

None of his viewers knew the two of you lived close. One change in look or speech from Kenma could prompt a reaction from his fans.

But you never showed up in his chat or even joined Kenma's stream. You silently watched as you gamed, not wanting to distract him.

After all, the one thing that attracted you to Kenma was his face as he concentrated. Was it a bad thing that you were replaying the day's actions in your head, rethinking the words you said and how you acted? You could've sworn that Kenma was doing the same.

Even after being quiet in the chat, Kenma's concentration wasn't the best, and you couldn't blame him. Whenever frustration got to him, he would take a deep breath, close his eyes and calm himself down.

It was rare for Kenma to be so out of focus. But as his frustration grew, so did the redness on his cheeks.

This situation was all your fault, but it was a little fun to see Kenma act in a way you had never seen. I'm sure some of his friends were watching and were wondering what was wrong.

Apologizing wasn't an option that would mean taking back your admission. Maybe kissing him was a little bit cruel on streaming day, but oh well. If he's going to be like this every time you kissed, there'd be a problem.

'Your face is all red, is something wrong?' you asked teasingly.

Kenma glances at the screen and sees your comment. Again Kenma closes his eyes and calms down.

At this moment, chat knew it was you and questioned if you were being nice and sweet or sarcastic. You smiled smugly, knowing what you had done to Kenma.

Even after trying to calm himself down, Kenma's expression changes. He's not happy that he can't concentrate, and with you for asking him that question. Kenma knew what you were doing and decided to end his stream.

"I'm getting a little stressed, so I'm going to end things here and do something, other than streaming, that calms me down," Kenma says as he ends his stream.

As Kenma leaves the stream and turns everything off, a message from you pops up on his phone.

'I'm sorry, I didn't mean to send that, I just couldn't help it,'

Kenma's frustration simmers away as he sees your reply.

'I should've just cancelled earlier. You don't need to apologize,'

Any worry you had about before faded, replaced with relief as you read Kenma's message.

Your insides flutter with joy. Kenma loves you, and you love Kenma.

The bed pillows had been screamed into multiple times since you got home. All you could do now was sleep and remind yourself of the day's events.

[scalpel-mom-mori]

Chrome Glory voicelines

THEY'RE FINALLY DONE!!! SIMP KING AND HIS PARAGRAPHS OF SIMPERY

Anyway, uhhh yea. Tooth-rotting shit ahead. As always, my notes ar in parentheses, and reblogs are appreciated!

Also, I don't bite smh. Feel free to talk to me! Also lmk if you wanna be tagged!

Google docs ver

Construct joins:

Strike Hawk’s team leader Chrome reporting for duty. I will temporarily be assisting the commandant. A pleasure to see you, Commandant.

Level up:

Self-improvement has no room for slacking.

(Lit: “Improve yourself, don’t slack off” but that seemed a bit harsh for Glory. Arclight less so, but still)

Promote:

This is a promotion, as well as an unwavering faith placed in me. Thank you for allowing me to represent you, Commandant.

(So, this is loose as fuck. Lit: “This is [I couldn’t find a translation for 讓可 so I assumed it was a transliteration for rank oops] a rank, as well as a trust I can’t disappoint. Thank you for your ribbon commandant.” I assume “ribbon” here refers to a military award, since the little promotion screen has a set of small accolades that change as you promote them. I could be totally wrong tho)

Evolve:

Increased frame control synchronization rate stability. After today I’ll be able to perform better.

(So,,, I have no idea what frame control synch is supposed to be. This line could be completely wrong.)

Skill upgrade:

There are many good things, Commandant, thank you for being generous.

(The first part might also be something along the lines of “you’ve gained many benefits” but idk)

Equip weapon:

Pneumatic chamber, trigger, inspection complete. Cutting force measurement complete. This is both an offensive and defensive weapon. In battle it will do its job well.

Added to team:

This is where we’ll use the strategy we discussed last time, Commandant.

Set as leader:

I have already sent out the mission debrief and the planned strategy for this mission. If you’d pardon my forwardness, I think these would be helpful to the commandant.

Activity at max:

I hope this result is satisfactory, Commandant.

General greeting 1:

The difference between a construct and a human is only the composition of the body. What is truly important is the individual’s intentions. Disregard the material vessel.

(Lit: “Strip off what makes up the shell.”)

General greeting 2:

This battle plan could be more efficient in places… Commandant? When did you get here? It’s no trouble, just reviewing the last mission.

General greeting 3:

I’ve already sent the Commandant a copy of the mission report. The style of the report is different from usual? Oh. Undoubtedly, as soon as the Commandant sees it, they’ll notice. I had Kamui write the report this time, thinking it was time for them to master skills outside of battle, after all I… Never mind. Based on this, would you give me your evaluation of his report?

(Small note here: “never mind” is just 不, when literally, it would be 算了, but it flows better as nvm.)

General greeting 4:

There’s no need to worry about meeting others’ expectations, Commandant. As long as you do what you believe, I will support you/I will stand by your side.

General greeting 5:

Do you play chess? While I was studying at Faust I played quite a bit as training, but I haven’t played since becoming a construct. Does commandant want to play a round? Perhaps… never mind. Only if you’d like to.

(I am crying. God fuckin dammit lmao this line was so annoying because I could not for the life of me figure out that 法奧斯was a transliteration)

General greeting 6:

Did Banji ask you to let him hide out here? My deepest apologies… no, right now there is no mission, I won’t interfere on this. I just worry it will disturb you.

General greeting 7:

Faust Military Academy, valedictorian. I was just reminiscing… It’s no matter, Commandant. The things I experienced as a human are not inviolable taboo. I can speak with you like this and realize… I can find joy in our similarities.

(“Valedictorian” here is lit. “seat of honor” or “chief” but I don’t think Chrome is involved in the academy in any capacity anymore lol. Could also be “honors” as in an honors student. Not super sure)

General greeting 8:

Oh? Hairstyles….? I don’t have any particular preferences, it’s just that the way it is right now is simple. If the Commandant wants to see something else, I can do that…

General greeting 9:

Are you asking about this? This isn’t for work, it’s a piece of Golden Age literature, Poe’s short stories. Is the Commandant also interested? Perhaps it’s not something you’d read to relax… but if you would like to discuss it, I’d be more than happy.

(So… 埃德加 is translated as “Edgar,” so I just guessed at the author. Based on the rest of the line, Poe fits pretty well.)

General greeting 10:

If there comes a day when humans and constructs can be equals, may I… call you by name?

General greeting 11:

When did the Commandant graduate Faust? Forgive me, I was just a bit curious. If I was still human, the commandant would be my senior… or would you be my junior? To think that you and I used to study at the same place, Faust’s classrooms… are not the same place.

General greeting 12:

Mind linking is truly an amazing invention. There is someone else inside the ocean ego to share burdens with… No, I don’t repress such feelings, especially… with you.

(“repress” lit: reject. I think repress is just clearer. “There is… to share burdens with” lit: “There is someone else to bear the entire ocean ego with.”)

General greeting 13:

Even this far away, even through the dark night and torrential rain, you are still… the goal I am striving for, you are still the light that inspires me.

(“Inspires me” lit: “lifts me up/uplifting”)

General greeting 14:

All my glory is yours. (Alt. translation: All I am is yours)

(OKAY SO I HAVE THOUGHTS ABOUT THIS ONE. He uses 榮光 here, which is the same as his model name and I’m losing my shit-)

General greeting 15:

In the future, I want to be by your side. In order to do so… I’ll do everything I can.

Affection increase 1:

Kamui may seem he’s always messing around, but he’s actually a very reliable companion. I hope Commandant gives him some time. He will surprise you.

Affection increase 2:

My sincerest gratitude.

Affection increase 3:

This battle plan seems familiar? Of course, this is a strategy the commandant has used before. It’s outstanding. I found that the other direction would allow the team more options. Commandant, when you’re done with your work, I would like to speak with you about this [strategy]… will it disturb your rest?

Affection increase 4:

Is this specially made for me?

Affection increase 5:

I am letting go now. The perfect “Langston Smith” may exist, but he is not what my father had wanted, nor is he a front made of hypocrisy. It was my own choice, a final answer of my choosing… So, this isn’t too arrogant.

(this one,,, idk mate. I’m pretty sure this is the general gist lol.)

Affection increase 6:

If this is a thank you gift for the last mission I helped with, this is too expensive…

Affection increase 7:

Maybe I’m not resisting being “Smith,” but “Smith” has a whole new meaning. If there is no Strike Hawk, there is no you, I’m afraid forever has no meaning.

Affection increase 8:

I want to prepare you a gift in return.

Affection increase 9:

The commandant is a good listener by habit when other people are confiding in them… I find this a very valuable trait, but if you ever need to talk to me about something, I will always be here.

Affection increase 10:

I want to see more… Oh, no, I wasn’t talking about the gifts. I meant the smile that comes out naturally- because to me, that is the most precious thing.

(Note here, he doesn’t use the superlative 最, so a more literal translation would be “is the more precious thing”, but most flows better, I think)

Affection increase 11:

I want to always see you. / I want to always be looking at you.

(Mm it’s a lot more innocent in CN lmao. He ends the sentence with 爲此而已, which translates loosely to “only this.” It’s not that creepy I swear)

Affection increase 12:

I cannot just feel your intentions this way. I have to… do something in return.

(Note on the second sentence: 做些什麽 is “to do some” and 才行 is literally “an then it will be okay/acceptable.” JP sounds a little like “Is there something I can do in return” but idk JP very well)

Affection increase 13:

“I am not a sailor, but if you were across the ocean, I would face the wind and waves to follow you…” Forgive me, I don’t know… this sort of thing is an expression of my feelings.

Affection increase 14:

I want to give all the beautiful things in the world to you.

(mm it’s prettier in CN, sorry EN only :p)

Affection increase 15:

I used to strive for the “perfect creation,” just an ideal that was infinitely close, but never attainable. But you gave that ideal a new meaning- You’ve shown me the answer I want to pursue.

Affection increase 16:

From this moment till forever, I will be by your side.

Idle 1:

It’s unbecoming of a leader to take this approach toward work, Commandant.

Idle 2:

If there is no work for me here, please allow me to return to Strike Hawk headquarters to finish some work.

Idle 3:

If it’s not me by your side, please don’t let your guard down like this.

Idle 4:

Commandant, commandant? Don’t fall asleep out here. You’ll catch a cold.

Idle 5:

If it can always be like this, always with you… Ah, that’s inappropriate. This is not… I should be working right now.

(Not that kind of inappropriate git ur mind out of the gutter smh.)

Extended time online 1:

You’ve been working a bit too long recently, please manage your time well.

Extended time online 2:

How many times to I have to say it before you take the consequences of overwork to heart?

Extended online time 3:

You’ve already worked long enough, don’t… Oh? You say I’m like this too? I’m a construct, you’re human. We don’t need to rest. Alright, please go rest.

(“We don’t need to rest” is 我們不要一概而論, lit: “we don’t need to generalize” but that didn’t make sense lol)

Extended online time 4:

What do I need to do to get you to rest properly?

Extended online time 5:

You don’t need to do everything yourself, so… stop hurting yourself like this. Even when you’re resting I’ll be by your side

Connection made 1:

Chrome, awaiting orders.

Connection made 2:

From that time… too much had already happened, but only the battle changes in the end.

Connection made 3:

Commandant, you’re here. I need your approval for today’s schedule. I’ve already marked the most important parts for you.

Connection made 4:

You’re looking well today, Commandant.

(Lit: Today your coloring looks alright”)

Connection made 5:

… Am I the first person you’ve seen today? No, it doesn’t matter, I’ve already prepared today’s work.

(re: it doesn’t matter, liar)

Connection made 6:

Looks like today is going to be a beautiful day.

Connection made 7:

The me from before thought books be my only refuge. Those ideas in print were my other mentors. They are beyond imagination, but level-headed and reliable. And the time I spent with them kept me from losing myself, but books cannot answer… but now I have you.

(ayo I have no clue what that was supposed to mean. I tried to clean it up as best I could but no promises.)

Connection made 8:

Good day, Commandant. I am always here… waiting for you.

Extended offline time 1:

Welcome back. There are any issues you’re having trouble resolving from our last meeting, please remember to contact me. I will do everything in my power to assist you.

Shake 1:

Another unexplained tremor… Commandant, please be careful!

Shake 2:

Is this some kind of training?

Shake 3:

If I may, was that deliberate?

Quick tap 1:

Eh? Do you need something?

Quick tap 2:

Um, please don’t do that, it’s rather… strange…

Quick tap 3:

Sometimes you make me… I don’t know how I should react.

Activity at max:

Whenever you go on a mission, Chrome will be waiting for you.

Begin battle:

Our precious troops’ labor will not be in vain

(Sooooooooooooooo this one I have no clue. It might be an idiom, but the original CN is 兵貴勝，不貴久 which I could not for the life of me find a literal translation, and there is zero, zero grammatical indication of what refers to what. Loosely has something to do with the cost of a soldier’s victory but idk.)

Battle skill 1:

Calm down and think.

Battle skill 2:

Attack within projected range.

Battle skill 3:

Please don’t leave my line of sight.

Signature:

This attack will pave the way to victory!

Injured:

[Pained noise]

(it’s literally just a choking sound lmao)

Danger:

Prepare to use the backup plan!

Knocked out:

I need to get up… faster…

Assist:

Arrived at the target location. Initiating assist.

QTE:

I have already seen your weakness

Victory:

A truly outstanding strategy, Commandant.

[blazichu]

#catch me rattling on about GG pt 2 for paragraphs

Please continue when you can. I love your reading your analysis!

Apparently I'm incapable of looking over one half of Good Genes without doing the other, so I guess we get a double feature tonight:

Part 1:

I am, of course, contractually obligated to point out my favorite line from the cold open: "My friend Donatello is one of the gentlest souls I've met, with one of the finest minds I've ever known." It seems especially relevant since, later on, Stockman reduces Don to "The smart one"

One thing I noticed this run through is that Leo's speech is slightly different than usual this arc. My favorite is his response to "It's only a matter of time before [Don] is lost forever"; his tone changes dramatically between the two halves of his line, "That's not gonna happen" and "We can't let that happen." The first is his usual 'decisive leader' voice, but the second has this kind of worried warble to it. It's great, and Sinterniklaas gets an A+

Of course there's the breakfast sequence. I don't really have much that hasn't already been said about it, but there's something sweet and sad about how Mike says that he "Just wanted to give him some food". It's just so little, a basic need that he's trying to fill because he cares, and it goes so wrong so fast.

My fourth point is kiiiinda weird and a stretch, but I've always loved the way Outbreak (as an arc) sets up so many bits and pieces that pay off specifically in AiTS/GG. It's usually stuff Don's been working on-- like the trapper gear, the tunnel to April's, or Stockman's helicopter. It's just neat, kind of setting up how indispensable Don's presence really is if he's able to help without being mentally present.

Anyway, right back to Leo and line delivery. The other part of this is that he keeps hesitating and grasping for the right words when it comes to what happened to Don. He refuses to put a name to it when he tells everyone that the helicopter was the last thing Don was working on, "[...] before... Before."

There's also "Don got infected. He's been transformed into... into a monster."

This is something I've definitely written about before, but idk if I ever posted it. Don's behavior after arriving at Area 51 is remarkably intelligent. He's able to use the guards' taser sticks against one another to get free, take out Leatherhead while he has the element of surprise (notable in that Leatherhead was the biggest threat/the one to subdue him in AiTS), turns on Stockman (who was responsible for the transfer in the first place), uses the glass from the containment unit as a shield, and actively prevents Splinter from doing whatever mind thing he did earlier. It's a far cry from lashing out and snapping wildly, and I've always thought it was interesting.

And the tranquilizer scene. Honestly, I find it kind of hard to watch, but I do like the way Leo kneels down next to Don after he's knocked out.

Part 2

I'm gonna talk about cold opens again, because I just realized that this episode essentially begins and ends with the same message: "It's an impossible mission, but what can we do? Our brother is sick, and there's nothing we won't do to save him."

So. The really cool thing about Good Genes Part 2 is how much it directly highlights the lack of Don's presence without actually saying as much. Raph splits off to handle the technology (albeit in an explosive manner) and is seen hauling the duffelbag around. Leo has the headset and is coordinating with April throughout the mission. Which leads me to...

One of the major set pieces in this episode is a callback: the obstacle hallway, Mystic chamber and elevator from Return to New York. I don't think it was an intentional connection, but part of their plan involves repurposing a mech suit to use against the Foot, which is exactly what Don did with Stockman's robotic body in Return. This bulletpoint is 100% me finding meaning where there probably wasn't any, but still.

This one's slightly off topic, but I've said before that I thought it was a dumb decision to have Leo confirm to Karai that the rest of his family was alive and well at the end of Prodigal Son-- this episode is 99% of why I think it was a missed opportunity. Iirc, Karai doesn't appear between then and now, so this would be the first indication she'd have that anyone survived her assault-- and all the boys are here except Don. I just think there's a lot of potential there.

At one point, as Karai calls the Elite into the fray, Leo tells Mikey to take the Heart of Tengu and run-- that he'd hold them off. 'Them' being the Elite; he's about to face the Elite by himself to ensure that this works out. Just try to tell me that's not a statement and a half.

Idk why, but "Get in get out, right? It's not about Karai, right?" always stuck with me.

It's interesting how the episode also calls back to the old intro sequence, where April's piloting a helicopter and Don's jumping onto the rope ladder hanging down from it. Not much to say here, but it's neat.

I'm really bad at making out overlapping voices (and can't make sense of Mikey's line here at all), but after Leatherhead catches Don, you can hear Raph ask him how he's feeling, and Leo say "It's so good to see you again"

I mentioned Raph helping Don to the helicopter in the tags of that last post, but I'm also going to point out that Leo, who is supposed to be flying the helicopter at the end of the episode, is emphatically not watching where he's going.

And, of course, the big one: "I hope you guys didn't go through too much trouble for me."/"Nah!"

In addition to the first point for this episode-- the implication that NO trouble would have been too much-- there's the fact that, when nobody answers for a bit, you can see Don's expression fall. It's that fact that makes me love Mikey's reaction so much-- the way he grins back and tries to sooth that worry down.

Idk how much of this was really analysis, Anon, but I did promise to rattle on for paragraphs, and had a good time doing it. I hope you get some entertainment out of this ;)

[anxiety-culture-is]

Hello! I feel like sometimes I suffer from anxiety, or maybe more than sometimes, because I feel something even if there isn't really any reason to, and I know you're not a doctor, nor a professional, but could you explain more about anxiety disorder? I could search on google, yes, I could, but idk if it would just show me things for when feeling anxious, other than telling me about the disorder?? It probably could tho, but I feel like hearing it from someone could be better, and also maybe I would see some things that can indicate I may have anxiety disorder.

You don't need to do it, tho. Hope you're doing well!

(Alright I’m here! After the previous ask I was hungry so I got a late night snack, I’m rambling so anyway onto the actual ask topic)

Before I begin I would like to mention my anxiety isn’t considered (in my opinion, I actually have no idea half the time) severe, I definitely have anxiety just not as severe as others I think? Also I do deal with depression, so sometimes my anxiety sparks from my depression and vice versa.

We all know the definition google will give you, somewhere along the lines that anxiety disorder focuses on the fact of excessive worrying.

Don‘t get me wrong, that definition is technically correct, but it can be confusing to others if they question if they have anxiety such as yourself and me a year or two ago.

Most will agree that anxiety is so much worrying about said idea, person, fear ect that it interrupts everyday life. It prevents you from doing actions or facing people, events, ect that other wise a normal joe on the street might be stressed with, but can still go about facing/completing said thing without the worrying stopping them (stopping them as in, more than the average person.)

Now if that sort of definition doesn’t help you, I’ll explain what it is like for me. My anxiety don’t stop me all the time, but I have a lot of specific triggers though. (blood/injuries, too much attention on myself, excessive fear of failure, and other things spark off from thinking too much about my traumas (which usually sparks from depression as mentioned above), too much stress, ect.)

Worrying too long/hard can sometimes lead into anxiety attacks (anxiety attacks usually stretch out for a period of time compared to panic attacks, though my panic and anxiety attacks are really similar, one basically faster than the other)

My anxiety attacks usually consist of worrying (a given), crying maybe, heat flashes, and if it drags for a long time I lose a lot of appetite. After the heat flashes (or is it waves? I don’t know but anyway) I usually have to step in a cool shower or bath to decrease my body temperature.

I consider my anxiety as not as severe as I don’t have anxiety attacks as much as I used to have them.

Also please note that anxiety can form different for everyone, these are my personal experiences in these last paragraphs. Triggers will most definitely be different, and anxiety attack symptoms might be a bit different too I think.

As always anyone can add to this if they feel like sharing for the anon’s sake <3

Anon I hope this was of some help, I apologize if this didn’t. A doctor may be of better help than I am. <3

[daydream-believin]

Flowers Have Feelings

summary: it's valentines and you're making some gifts for your good pal douxie,,, also confessing

warnings: swearing probably, no proofread cause tired

word count: 2659

a/n: i've been struggling with writers block. i guess. i've returned to this only to write like, a paragraph so many times. which is bad cause like cheese designed the bouqeut and this should have been done ages ago. idk idk bon appetit

tags: @yagirlcheesely, is for you

image below: sketch of the bouquet

You jumped out of bed and slammed your alarm. Today was the day. You had to get everything ready today. Tonight would be the presentation. The night you finally do it. The night you confessed to your closest friend and crush, Douxie. Also happened to be Valentine’s day.

Your friends may have told you: “Just be patient. Drop hints. If he likes you, he’ll let you know.” But you weren’t about that passive love life. You liked to grab that strawberry cow by the horns. Subtly was boring and took far too long. You were in love with your friend and you were gonna let him know frankly if it killed you. It probably would, to be honest.

As confident as this makes you sound, you were aware of the possibility of him not liking you back, and that was okay. Sure, your heart would be shattered and you might not be very peachy for, say, a month or six, but you accepted that. At first, you had resigned yourself to just adoring him secretly. But you quickly grew impatient with that. What were you afraid of, really? Him letting you down gently, and ushering you two into an era of awkwardness? Okay so maybe that was worth considering. But not really. You wouldn’t let it come to that. Even if he did turn you down, you weren’t about to let that fact taint your friendship like that. You two were very close, and Douxie wasn’t the kind of guy to suddenly treat you differently after such a thing. Just a few weeks of awkwardness at most before all was forgotten (on his end at least). Only a problem for you. But, boy, it would be really, really nice, and not awkward, if he reciprocated.

You and Douxie were thick as thieves. There wasn’t a thing you hadn’t told each other. Not a secret between a pair of buddies as close as you. Oh, one thing, you know. The fact that you had caught feelings, that was definitely something you had kept secret from him. As eager as you were to do so, you couldn’t just drop a bombshell like that at any old time. That’s why you chose today of all days to confess; a little extra luck from St. Valentine. A little magic to give you a boost, placebo or not. This was going to happen. This was going to work.

You strapped on your helmet, safety first, before heading out on your bike. You cleared your schedule for the day cause you weren’t really sure if everything would work out or not. You could have everything done and ended wrapped up neatly in a few hours, or you could have a complete disaster on your hands, which could take up all your time. Time you would happily give, since you were determined for everything to be perfect. It was also nice to know you didn’t have to come in to work later,, lest you spend the whole night, crying your eyes out. You shuddered at the possibility. You were gonna stop thinking about that now. Yeah, only confidence now.

You may be a teensy bit sleep deprived. Only a teensy bit. You chugged a monster this morning, you’ll be fine. It wasn’t your fault you were up all night researching flower language. There were so many flowers, and those flowers had so many feelings. Eventually though, you managed to settle on a bouquet of roses, daisies, and dandelions. Fern leaves for greenery too. Greenery was important for flower arrangements. It tied the whole thing together. While it wouldn’t be the most on theme color scheme, the yellows, whites, reds, and greens, would mix together prettily. You definitely didn’t have to go as far as this, and you were banking on the fact that Douxie even knew flower language, but it was sweet, it was romantic. And you were going to be romantic about this, dammit.

Daisies, for friendship. It was really important that you communicate just how much you valued Douxie’s friendship and how nothing would change between you two if he were to not return your feelings. Red, red roses, classic romance. There was a reason the blooms were so strongly associated with the valentines holiday itself; no one sees a red rose and thinks of anything other than love and romance. A clear message to your beloved. And well, the dandelions? Cheery, beautiful, resilient, common weeds, never to be approved of, finding the strength to bloom despite assholes like Merlin’s best efforts. Dandelions were Douxie’s favorite flower.

Too bad the florist didn’t even consider them to be anything but said common weed. You had included them in your order when you called it in and you could hear the florist laugh, but muffled as if he put his hand over the receiver, before returning to the phone to inform you that you would have to add them yourself. Pretty rude, if you say so. No matter, hand-picked dandelions would be romantic, anyways. Even if no one else knew about it but you.

You placed the bouquet neatly into the basket of your bike. You’d pick the dandelions to complete it later, right before the big confession, in order to keep them fresh. But as of now, the bouquet peaked out of your basket, the floral fragrance wafting up to your face as you made your way to the next store.

Last week, you had seen such an adorable little box of chocolates. It had chocolates shaped like little skulls, flowers, and ghost cats, and the box had a silly pun about death. Goth chocolate, def. It would have been perfect for the edgy wizard in your life, but alas, it was way too fucking expensive. Like obscenely expensive. But no matter, you’d just steal the idea. How hard could making chocolate be anyway?

You left the grocery store with your haul safe in your skull-patterned reusable shopping bag. Wizard-chic and eco-friendly, it was your favorite bag. The contents of the much-loved bag? Melting chocolates, a jar of marmalade, a jar of raspberry jam, a jar of strawberry jam, and a new roll of wax paper, since you were out. Now you weren’t as ambitious as to make your own jam here. This was a failsafe. There are only so many ways to ruin chocolates if you did not make the chocolate nor the filling yourself. Now just a quick run in the stationary shop on your way home for a cute box, and you were all ready to start your chocolatier career.

 * * *

Douxie was getting antsy. Not many patrons had paid a visit to his bookstore this afternoon. Which was strange for valentine’s. and it left him with nothing but his thoughts to entertain his anxious mind. Doux had a lot to worry about. His band had a gig in a new town, so he wasn’t sure how they would be received. He was waiting on a shipment of books that was supposed to show up days ago. It may have gotten lost. That Lake kid was getting himself into more and more trouble these days and it was starting to become hard to help out without overstepping his vaguely imposed bounds. But most of all, at the very moment, he was worried about you.

You had asked him to meet up for dinner tonight. Okay, pretty normal for a Sunday night. Not that the weekend meant anything to either of you, but you normally set aside Sunday for dinner hangout. So nothing to abnormal. But then. Then, you said, something… Douxie actually can’t recall what you said, per se, just that it was along the lines of “we need to talk.” And that your tone sounded nervous. He did not like that one bit, nope nope. He had spent a great part of the day just revisiting every interaction the two of you had had in the last month or so, desperate to figure out if he did something wrong. But he was coming up blank, for all his efforts. Across the room, the clock ticked on. It would be closing time soon enough, and then he’d no longer have to wonder just what he did wrong, as you would be there to tell him directly. Fuzzbuckets, he couldn’t wait.

* * *

You wiped the goopy chocolate off of your cheek with the back of your hand. So far this wasn’t a total disaster. You had at least seven chocolate skulls filled and drying in the molds. The white chocolate seemed to have melted smoother than the regular chocolate? The regular chocolate ones looked kind of lumpy. You hoped they came out of the molds okay. Not to mention the ones you already messed up. A little mountain of chocolate pieces and jam had started rising from your table top corner.

It had been lots of fun at the start. melting the chocolates with a double boil, planning out which molds would be which flavors. But actually filling those molds? A messy, messy ordeal. You had chocolate and jam all over your kitchen, up to your exposed elbows, and even a little in your hair. But that was okay. You’d clean the kitchen later. With the molds in the freezer to set, your priority now was cleaning yourself up rather than the kitchen.

And you cleaned up nice, if you did say so yourself. You got the chocolate out of your hair, and had on a fresh outfit, taking a little time to put effort into your style. You looked snazzy, but not too fancy. You needed to stay casual. Something that you hoped would make Douxie be like ‘wow they look pretty okay’ but not freak him out with formality. Yeah. This was good.

Your watch beeped. Okay, you needed to get out of here, no more dilly dallying. You pulled the candies you made out of the freezer. Moment of truth. Thank the stars, all of the chocolates came out of the molds smoothly without breaking. You arranged them in the cute circular box you set up earlier and folded the tissue paper over them. They all fit in perfectly. The cheesy valentine card, the most important part, didn’t quite fit on top of the candies, you’d have to put it with the bouquet. You slid the lid onto the box and fastened a bow around it with a blue ribbon. Maybe this was a bit overkill, but Douxie knew how to appreciate the dramatic. He’d love it, you were sure.

Last but not least, you headed to the greenspace across the street from your apartment for the final ingredient in your Douxie wooing, dandelions. You were lucky that the empty lot had recently bloomed an entire garden’s worth of the yellow things. The chilly breeze mussed up your newly-fixed hair as you danced about gathering the tiny flowers, adding to the bouquet until you felt like it was enough. Which took longer than you had hoped. You definitely could have kept adding in more dandelions but your watch beeped once again and you had no choice but to make peace with the level of yellow and book it to the bookstore where you and Douxie were supposed to meet before heading out for the night.

* * *

Hearing the ding of the door chime, Douxie turned around to kindly inform the customer who came in that he wasn’t open, but the words caught in his throat when he was met with your smile. There you were, standing in the shop with a box in one hand and flowers in the other. You looked cute. Really cute. But Douxie chased that thought away. He fumbled with the book he had been re-shelving. It fell out of his hand unceremoniously, landing with a thud.

“Hey,” Doux managed to get out. “What’s all-”

“These are for you!” you shoved the presents into his now empty hands. That courage you had earlier? Gone. Your resolve? Dissolving as we speak. You had to get this over with before you chickened out. He was just so good, okay. And why did you think this was a good idea. Douxie looked down at the gifts in his hands confused, before blushing. If he could have reached a hand behind his head and rubbed the back of his neck he would have.

“I didn’t know we were doing Valentine’s, uh. I feel bad I didn’t get you anything.��

“Oh! Don’t be. I just,, felt like doing something nice for you and uh, special,” Douxie tilted his head. You took the box, freeing up his hand. “These are chocolates I made, like, like you’re supposed to do.” You waltzed over to the counter to place them out of the way. “The bouquet is the real star here, uh, I picked them out very carefully.” You tucked your arms behind your back. “I, uh- I brushed up on flower language, and I hope I got it right.”

Now Douxie may have been a Victorian once upon a time but he had barely any surviving memory of the frilly flower language people socialized through in those days. But thankfully, the blooms in the bouquet in front of him were straight forward enough that he did in fact get the message without taking too much gear turning in that noggin of his. Although, the friendly daisies with the red roses were kind of sending him some mixed signals. He knew what he wanted them to mean, but he could just be misinterpreting. You seemed to notice his hesitation.

“Um, there’s a card too. In the flowers somewhere. That. Probably explains what I’m trying to say a little clearer.” You carded your fingers through your hair. You had anticipated not being able to really speak with your voice, as you barely could now, so you’d written it all out on the card as backup. But damn, that card had everything on it. You maybe got a little carried away. There wasn’t going to be any going back from this.

Douxie dug out the card from amidst the blooms. It was handmade, with a cheesy little drawing on the front complete with a pun. And then he opened it. It was almost solid black with ink. Yeah, you had written that much in there. Both sides. And a little on the back. Wow. Doux tried his best to keep up a poker face while reading it but failed quickly as the first few lines alone left him flushed. It was true, everything was on it. From how much you adored Douxie as a person, to how much you valued his friendship, to how pretty you thought he was, to how you longed for something more, with him? Douxie felt like his hands were getting the card all sweaty.

It was nerve wracking watching him read that card. It seemed like he was finished, since his eyes stopped raking through it, but now he was staring intensely at the words written on the pages, in a trance. He broke focus, looking to the bouquet, back to the card, and then finally settled on you.

“Wow.”

“… is that a good wow?”

Douxie caught you by surprise. He pulled into a hug. “Yeah, a good wow.”

You and Douxie’s first non-platonic hug? Yes please. You didn’t even mind the flowers pressing into your back. Okay so a few rose thorns were poking you but that was fine. Douxie smelled like something you couldn’t name, but it was spicy, and cozy. He let you go sooner than you were ready to, but he grinned at you as he left to rummage through his things in the back for a vase. He turned to you as he proudly displayed them on the store’s counter, right where he could look at them all workday,

“So, where are we going tonight? For our first date?” Doux chuckled, “and, technically, our first Valentine’s day too.”

[prongsies]

Lights Up • Sirius Black

PAIRING: Sirius Black x Reader SUMMARY: Sirius finally gets the freedom he deserves as he reunites with an old “friend” WARNINGS: Mild language, a bit sexually suggestive but not that much, shitty writing A/N: I found it a bit hard to write for this song idk why :( Fine Line Master list

"Do you want to stay?” Your voice echoed in the silence of your living room, eyes watching Sirius, trying to memorize every detail about him before you’re all forced into hiding a week later. As friends of Lily and James Potter, whose first and only son is being haunted down by a power-crazed wizard otherwise known as Voldemort, you’re part of the few he considers a hindrance from him “unleashing his full potential” - meaning, he’s got his eyes on killing you too.

Because of this, Dumbledore had asked all of you to go into hiding, and for Lily and James to assign their Secret Keeper. Which led to the dinner you had all shared just moments ago, prepared solely by you, in the small cottage you shared with Remus, skillfully concealed with Charms you had learned and relearned for the sole purpose of this meal.

It started off smoothly, all of you sharing your memories at Hogwarts and teasing James for how love-struck he was over Lily, until you got to the primary matter at hand: deciding who their Secret Keeper was. They were a hundred percent sure they wanted it to be Sirius, and no one questioned it knowing how much he meant to James and vice versa.

But it seemed Sirius didn’t like the idea, pointing his finger towards you or anyone for that matter, just not him. Knowing that as James’ best friend, they will come for him first. But everyone else insisted, Remus backing up the Potters’ statements which resulted in a verbal argument between him and Sirius, Remus eventually leaving to “go get some air”.

The rest of the meal continued in silence though, tensed after that little spat that ensued between your two friends. When it (finally) concluded, you walked your friends out your flat, James and Lily lingering longer to exchange sentiments and expressions of love before you cut off communication indefinitely. Then, with a kiss on Harry’s forehead - and a knowing look from James who gestured towards Sirius - they left, disappearing into the night.

“Sirius,” You tried once again, eyes studying the boy who wouldn’t so much as spare you a glance, “Do you want to stay?”

“I could,” He seemed to consider it for a moment, before his face morphed into a sour expression, “but I wouldn’t”

“What do you mean?” You approached him, taking careful steps towards him trying to avoid any kind of negative reaction, “Is it Remus? You know he won’t mind. He- he just needs some time to think, you know? But he’ll understand when you talk it out-”

“It’s not that, (y/n)!” Sirius exclaimed in obvious frustration, running his fingers through his hair, “It’s just.. I don’t think we should keep doing this anymore”

“What, being friends?” You asked humorlessly, bitterness seeping down your throat.

“Friends don’t fuck around while ignoring their feelings for each other, (y/n)! you know that!” He practically growled at you, eyes softening at your scared expression, yet the rest of his face remained cold, “and I can’t face Remus, especially after practically shoving his illness to his face”

“You just need to talk it out” You reasoned with him, trying to hide the hurt you felt when he backed away from you, “We’re all each other has, Sirius, especially now with James, Lily, and Harry in danger! We can’t- we can’t turn against each other now”

“I’m sorry, (y/n)” 

With that, he rushed out the door, leaving you behind with words paragraphs left unsaid. 

A month later, you and Remus find out about James and Lily’s deaths, then a day after that, the murder of Peter and 12 other muggles at the hands of the person you used to call you friend.

A shiver ran down Sirius’ spine at the sudden cold breeze that brushed his shoulders. Shutting his book and placing it atop the coffee table, he stood to get the fireplace ready, igniting his with his wand, before settling back on the armchair he had occupied.

Sighing at the warmth, he allowed his eyes to trail over the interior of Number 12 Grimmauld Place, where he had been residing in hiding after his escape from Azkaban five years ago. The war had finished, concluding in the so-called Battle of Hogwarts where he fought alongside his best friend, Remus, and godson, Harry. It ended victoriously, Voldemort finally descending into the pits of hell where he belongs.

With his contribution to the war and the countless proof pointing towards his innocence, the Ministry decided to open his case after almost two decades, allowing him the opportunity to walk the earth as a free man once and for all. The thought brought a smile onto Sirius’ lips, which didn’t go unnoticed by his godson who was descending the stairs from his room in the second floor.

“You nervous?” Harry asked as he neared, propping himself onto the armchair across Sirius with an envelope in hand.

“Very” Sirius nodded with a grin, “Although, I’m more excited than nervous”

“That’s alright” Harry shrugged as he pulled out the documents, spreading the papers onto the coffee table so he could sort through them, “Besides, the woman who had taken over your case is supposedly the best one out there. In fact, she was the one who insisted to handle it, apparently she’s been sending appeals to the Wizengamot the moment you’ve been locked up”

“I didn’t know it’d be a woman, do I know her?” 

"Too well, I believe” Harry replied simply, looking up at Sirius with a smirk playing in the corner of his lips as he busied himself. As if on cue a knock sounded from the front door, followed by Remus’ footsteps as he rushed from the kitchen to the entrance hall.

“Remus!” A woman’s voice echoed through the quiet home, followed by the sound of shuffling and the gentle shut of the door. “Is Teddy with you?”

“‘fraid not. He’s with his mum and grandma for a few days, with the full moon last night”

Sirius’ eyes furrowed as he eavesdropped on the conversation. Who could this woman be for Remus to mention his lycanthropy so nonchalantly? 

His question was answered as she stepped into the room, body going rigid at the sight of Sirius on the sofa. The latter was unaware he had rose to his feet as he saw her as well, his breath caught in his throat as he took the sight of her in. (y/n), the same girl he had loved for years, whose thoughts plagued his mind with regret the day he left her standing in her own living room after she reached out to him. 

(y/n), whose skin he used to caress almost every night as they lay in bed after  hours of intimacy and passion, whose lips he swears he could still taste up until this day. (y/n), the name he’d moan in her ear or against her neck, as pleasure overtook his body, he knows he could never be silent around her. (y/n) whose years of stress had aged her features significantly yet, much to Sirius’ jealously, remained youthful and beautiful after all this years.

“(y/n)” He found himself breathing out, his cheeks heating up at the small crack in his voice - a failed attempt of keeping his emotions at bay.

“Sirius” She seemed breath-taken as well. But she was quick to compose himself, hiding the admiration from her features and replacing it with something Sirius assumed to be her professional face. She cleared her throat, shaking her head slightly, before reaching a hand out towards him, “It’s great to see you again. I hope you don’t mind me coming at such a short notice, I just really need to prep you for your trial tomorrow”

“Drop the formalities, (y/n)! We all know your heart still beats for Sirius!” Remus commented from behind her, watching the scene in amusement. He reached over to share a high-five with Harry, who immediately settled after a playful glare sent towards him by Sirius

“Shut it, Moony” (y/n) rolled her eyes.

Hesitantly, Sirius took her hand in his, biting back his smile as his cheeks managed to heat up even more. It all ended far too quickly though, since just after she pulled her hand away, she ushered everyone into the dining room, ordering Remus to shut the door behind him as she charmed the small area to mimic a courtroom - which looked far too realistic that the sight of it brought chills to Harry as he recalled the way he felt in his own trial years ago.

(y/n) motioned towards a chair in the middle of the now-circular room, waiting for Sirius to take his seat. “Now, I managed to collect some of the many questions to be directed your way. Don’t worry though, we’ve also collected some memories to put into the pensieve to back up your statement”

“The pensieve?” Harry asked. He didn’t know they were allowed to do that.

“It’s a special privilege” (y/n) answered his unvoiced question, not tearing her eyes away from the mountains of paperwork she was pulling out from her bag, scanning each one as she placed them gently onto the table, “Help me with this, Moony, will you?”

Remus was quick to her side, helping her look through the documents. It was funny seeing them now, as Sirius had always thought they’d end up together eventually, which had been one of the reasons why Sirius refused to stay when she asked him to - he thought they had feelings for each other, (y/n) just taking it out on Sirius, but he was very wrong.

“Here we go!” She exclaimed triumphantly, grabbing a stack of paper from the pile, circling the table to stand in front of him, “Are you ready, Sirius?”

“Let’s have at it”

___

“This is undeniably one of the worst days of my life” Sirius grunted as he collapsed onto the dining room chair in exhaustion, dropping his forehead rather harshly onto the table in front of him. 

The room had been reverted to its original state when they had concluded the prepping session, something Sirius didn’t enjoy even just one bit.

“Remus, I was overcame by my emotions back then” Sirius deadpanned, earning a grin from Remus. It’s nice they could talk about the past so lightly now, no matter how dark it had been, “My vision literally went dark when I went after Peter. As soon as I calmed, I was already sitting in my cell in Azkaban”

“It wasn’t that bad” Remus tried to make light of the situation, yet upon recalling how it actually went, a cringe made its way onto his face. He could still hear Sirius' loud voice echoing the room just hours ago, trying to defend himself from the accusations thrown by (y/n).

He had thrown harsh words towards her, settling down whenever she would correct his wordings or point out the slight raise in his tone which the council wouldn't like. Sirius tried to keep up with all her suggestions, but doing so would mean he would need to keep his frustrations to himself - which was rather difficult since he had done just that when he was locked up.

He settled mugs of coffee in front of Sirius and (y/n). They had only taken a short few minutes for dinner before continuing their session again, and Sirius didn’t think it’d be that difficult to recall what happened in an event that occurred long ago. By the time they finished, it was near midnight.

“We can request to submit a memory to the council though” (y/n)’s voice was rough as she spoke, an effect of her consistent interrogation towards Sirius, teaching him how to respond in a way that would work in his favor. “Besides, we need you as calm as we can. Merlin knows you can be dramatic sometimes”

“Dramatic!” Sirius exclaimed in mock offense, “Love, you of all people should now how false your accusation is”

“Pads, you literally first appeared to me as a large black dog in the middle of the night” Harry reminded from beside (y/n). Sirius could see the familiarity in (y/n)’s eyes upon hearing Harry call Sirius by his Marauder name, knowing deep down she heard James’ voice as well. 

“Imagine being a thirteen year old finding out your godfather was “on the way to kill you” while seeing a literal death omen all the time. I was literally so afraid I thought I might shit my pants” Harry continued, earning a laugh from Remus.

“And what is it you told me when I transformed that night?” Remus quipped humorously, “You know the man you truly are, Remus!”

“Sod off, Lupin! Bloody hell” but Sirius couldn’t help the smile forming on his face as his eyes found (y/n), watching the way her eyes crinkled at the sides in laughter. Remus noticed this, sharing a look with Harry before nodding him out the room, disappearing up the stairs in hushed whispers.

When (y/n) calmed, she was left alone with Sirius, nursing her mug of coffee in her palms, the way she used to do when her hands started feeling cold. Sirius didn’t want the awkward silence to take over, so he initiated a conversation, “So... how’ve you been over the years?”

(y/n) gave him a look, and Sirius could just hear her teenage self utter a sarcastic ‘really?’, but she answered anyway, “It was rather peachy. I mean, losing James, Lily, and you in two days? It was really hard”

“I’m surprised you and Remus didn’t end up together. I was assuming that after living together for all those years, you’d develop something” Sirius jumped right into it, regretting the years he had spent not even trying to ask.

“Really?” And there it was, the face. She sighed, standing up from her seat to claim the chair beside Sirius, smiling up at him, “We were only friends then, Siri. We both couldn’t afford a place of our own so we figured we could live together. I mean, if you weren’t staying with Lily and James then, I would’ve offered you to live with me”

“Did you see someone else while I was gone?” 

“You’re actually being so blunt right now” (y/n) laughed. “If you had been this straight-forward then we would’ve been together by now. But yes, I had been in many relationships. Remus and I even tried going out once - too awkward so we reverted back to being friends. There was also this one guy who actually proposed to me 6 months into the relationship, but I declined”

“Why? You could’ve had a family by now”

“Let’s just say I was waiting for the Ministry to finally accept my petition to reopen your case. It’s the main reason why I joined the Wizengamot council really, so I can set you free” She said softly, “I’ve always known you wouldn’t betray your friends like that, especially James”

“Yeah” Sirius couldn’t keep his eyes off (y/n)’s lips as she spoke, swallowing audibly at the thought of how easy it is to connect their lips in the small distance between them. “Can I kiss you?”

“I could say yes, but I wouldn’t” She replied cheekily, reminisce of one of the few words Sirius had told her before he left.

“I’m sorry, by the way... I was young then - scared of the war, of being given that much responsibility which I ended up chickening out of. I- I didn’t know who I was then”

“Do you know who you are now?”

“No, but I’m certain I am hopelessly in love with you - have been all these years” His face neared hers, lips mere centimetres away, “And I know I’ll go mad if I don’t get to feel your lips again”

“I can’t” She pulled back, surprising Sirius. She was staring at his lips though, while biting her own, an indication of how much she wanted to do it, “I want to but I can’t. As of now, you’re still a client”

“Oh”

“But if you do a good job tomorrow, maybe I can reward you with one? and maybe something more?”

The grin on both their faces confirmed an agreement, and although Sirius’ nerves had settled once again in his stomach, at least he had something to look forward to.

___

“Are you ready, darling?” (y/n) asked as she stood beside Sirius near the front door of 12 Grimmauld place, her hand on the knob ready to turn it at any second. Harry and Remus had gone ahead of them, bringing Sirius’ belongings to (y/n)’s home somewhere in London, and mainly to give the two some privacy.

“Ready as ever, love” Sirius grinned. 

With a grin, she swung open the front door, allowing the sunlight to enter the house while the cold afternoon breeze nipped at their skin. 

Finally, after twelve years in Azkaban, and five years hiding in the Hellhole House of Black, he was finally able to take his first steps outside as a free man. Pulling (y/n) towards him in a tight embrace as they stood on the porch, he couldn’t help but let a few tears escaped. 

He had thought this moment would remain a dream, something so impossible to happen that he hated himself for even considering it. But here he was, not needing to transform into a dog just so he could roam the streets. 

He’s a free man now.

With a grin he turned back towards his old home, glaring at it as he raised both his hands, flashing the front door with his middle fingers, before shouting, “Fuck you, Number 12 Grimmauld Place! Fuck you, Azkaban! I’M NOT EVER GOING BACK!”

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[roanofarcc]

Lol even though this is like only a day late I still feel kinda bad. But I also like had to study for a midterm all day yesterday and this morning sooo. Okay I didn’t even think of Mike coming out as his monologue but that could be soo cool and interesting. Because they kinda keep doing the same thing with Mike in a way now (he hangs out with el, he is incredibly loyal to his friends to the point of death (everyone is like that but..), he loses his friends or he’s wary of everyone else, he has bitchy moments, and is like the leader of everyone). Idk I’m kinda just realizing that now that I think with multiple characters they kinda do the same thing in a way. Which is why I actually love the development of Dustin having a crush on max and then being in a cute and loving relationship with Suzy in the next season. Cuz I feel like even though that does involve his romantic relationship I feel like him and suzie just fit so well together and honestly they are so cute. Everyone was hating that never ending story song but I loved that scene! I feel like they needed that bit of funny in there especially since the stakes were higher. Like I got the vibe of Steve freaking out in season 1 type of funny. Like yeah everything is serious and stuff but that just adds to it. And I think that it adds to Dustin’s character especially because he was so hesitant to do it but realized that they couldn’t save the world if he didn’t do it and satisfy suzie. He knew all of his friends would hear it and they were in a dire situation. And then it was so cute how he just got so into it after that like he really enjoyed singing with her. And you can just tell that the two of them had such a fun time with that. Dammit now I really wanna know how they started singing it and how that came to be.

Also I loved everything that you said about Nancy! I have like nothing really more to add except the same thing. Sooo. Yay! I am so glade you agree with me in the el and max thing. Because I see so many people hating that storyline just because of they want to see ‘girl power’. And I guess maybe when we didn’t know how that storyline was going to go it was a little bit worrying and off putting but it’s been a few years now and we know how their friendship goes so idk why anyone still upholds that heavily. And somehow they still hate it even though it’s ‘girl power’. It legit just confused me some of the fandom say they want el and max to be friends but when they actually do it’s just viewed as a forced girl relationship. I love el and max’s relationship/friendship so like I’m kinda biased and get annoyed when people are like ‘but it wasn’t done right’. Idk if that’s just me but also I’m sorry if not articulating correctly I am soo sleepy.

Okay I legit just came up with that reasoning for Steve on the fly. Idk why but my mind just somehow thought of the cheating and what we know about what Steve said with his parents and I was like wait what if he helped out his mother when he was younger. Because also Steve has so much experience with kinda just shrugging topics of and his emotions off. Like he kinda just keeps that to himself and we even saw that with ‘it’s okay Nancy’ which I think even though it’s just three words it’s kinda poetic. The way joe just says it and the way Nancy and Steve look at each other in that moment speaks volumes!! And they’re barely even talking!!! They don’t have that much communication in that scene and yet they’re able to understand what is happening! It’s an amazing scene and gets overlooked with the babysitting line. Also another line that gets not enough attention from Steve is ‘nobody is leaving anyone.’ God it is such a good line! Also the best part is that the lines aren’t even that long and yet it gives you so much insight into Steve.

Okay another paragraph for this because I don’t want to get it confused with that last one. Okay the line you said about Steve not knowing whether Jonathan would actually spread that around!! I never thought of it like that. Like what was he actually going to do with it?!? He kinda just says that he likes looking at the small details and what people are like underneath. But he only tells that to Nancy and not Steve. Which stills brings up the whole Jonathan also violating Steve’s property and just Steve in general. Honestly steve had a right to be pissed about that. (However what he said in alleyway is still awful and I don’t want to make it seem like I think Steve can do no wrong). Like Steve was with his friends and in a very private place. Because also it was a very private together: it was legit just 5 people if you include Steve. Jonathan was not invited at all and Steve was legit just trying to protect himself, Nancy, and his friends. Which something I also kinda find interesting is the fact that the Nicole girl I believe she was a redhead. She saw the photos and just brought it up to Steve (assuming here) but she also didn’t even say anything. But like she goes to Steve and I don’t believe carol or tommy even knew before the confrontation. Idk what I think this means but kinda interesting. Also about the whole how the supposed cheating thing hit hard with Steve in season 1. I honestly feel like they could have developed that so much. Cuz I kinda feel weird with how they treated everything. Like Nancy and Jonathan weren’t cheating so Steve did unforgivable things. And when they do actually cheat on him (knowing that they’re cheating as Nancy even had the most guilty face while also not even looking that guilty at all) Steve has to just take it. And also it is legit when the entire world is resting on their shoulders and they’re all gonna die. And the whole thing blew up on Halloween too. So like Steve would legit have to spend his night feeling so upset (which even though Will’s Halloween was way and much worse I kinda just was like parallel in my head even tho it really ain’t). Anyway sorry if I either rambled or didn’t address some things I am just like so tired but I also wanted to send this and come up with everything sooo.

don’t feel bad!! I totally understand I was studying all last week for midterms and it was rough lol, but I hope you did well :)

yeah you’re right, a lot of the characters do kind of have the same pattern that they follow. but I think with the whole growing up and things changing we’ll get to see new sides of characters and hopefully new storylines that really expand on what they’re capable of. I actually liked the never ending scene too lol! like yeah it was weird and out of left field but it really added some lightness and humor to the scene. like it (and Dustin’s whole thing was suzie) was cute and funny! and I hope they bring it up next season bc if my friend did that shit I would ever let them live it down lol. I also liked dustin’s arc with max and I hope they make them into close friends next season (if they add in romance between those two I will pay the writers a VERY unpleasant visit). because max isn’t that close with mike (and I don’t think he’ll be with the hawkins gang for long anyway), she and lucas are dating and having their on-again-off-again situation (which I have a lot of feelings on how their relationship was treated in s3 but that’s a whole other conversation lol), and el is gone. so max doesn’t really have any like close friends. and we were robbed of a dustin and max friendship in season 3, so I hope they give us that this season. 

I think max and el’s friendship was done right and like you said, I don’t really get why people don’t like it? like it doesn’t feel forced, it feels like two girl who haven’t really had close female friendships finding their way together. like el has so much to learn about the world and not all of that can be taught or helped by the boys or hopper. she needs someone like max to tell her that it’s okay to dump your boyfriend if you’re not happy, it okay to be your own person and stuff. and yeah, was all of her advice sound and did it take into account the fact that el has difference circumstances compared to max? no. but like we said max is a child, like she’s only telling el what she knows. and max is still technically the new kid in a sense and there’s a lot she has to get about the party and hawkins as a whole. that’s were el comes and plays an important role in her life. I think they compliment each other nicely and they make a good team. 

steve definitely is the kind of person that just shrugs off his own emotions, and I know I sound like a broken record but hope we see more of that next season. like eventually that’s gonna come back and bite him in ass, and he’s gonna have to face all of the shit that he’s been through (along with every other character). but that conversation with nancy really does tell a lot about steve’s character and especially his growth from season one. like yeah, he realized he’s good at watching for the kids, but more importantly that conversation really shows up where his priorities lie, you know? he really does love nancy and he just wants her to be happy, even if that’s not with him. and he knows that she’s struggling with everything with barb. so when she says she’s not leaving mike, like how she “left” barb, steve, in a roundabout kind of way, reassures her that it wasn’t her fault and helping jonathan deal with will doesn’t mean she’s abandoning mike. 

yeah the way they made the steve, nancy, jonathan ordeal revolve around steve thinking nancy’s cheating on him but they were really only monster hunting, and they they turned it around and had her actually cheat on steve in season two. like that was so messed up and could have been handled differently. even if they would have had steve and nancy break up for real on halloween instead of making steve still think he could fix it and change her would have been better and wouldn’t have changed much to their plot. because at the end of the day everything that steve thought was happening in s1, happened in s2. and obviously what steve did in retaliation was totally wrong on his end. like I’m not justifying the movie theater thing or what he said to jonathan at all. but it was like...they made it out to be a whole ordeal that was resolved by the end of s1 (even though it was pretty clear that nancy had some sort of change in feelings for jonathan at the end of s1). then they turned around and both threw steve’s feelings under the bus while trying to make him into the very lovable character. and that worked, obviously, he’s a fan favorite now. but I hope they pull him out of his whole relationship slump and give him some kind of promising relationship before the series ends. not that characters need to have some sort of love interest, but I feel like after everything steve deserves that much. 

[agendratum]

OK so, i wanted to put my two cents in on these two topics:

1. the statement i once saw, made by someone, who, i’m not sure, was reading the same novel as i am. it went somewhere along these lines: “the novel implies that in his first life wei wuxian wasn’t interested in lan wangji or even in men at all”

2. the general idea that wei wuxian (specifically novel!wwx, i mean, obv all of this is just about novel!wwx or novel!lwj) is oblivious dummy, who can’t see what’s happening in front of his own nose, doesn’t understand not only lwj’s feelings towards him, but also not even self-aware enough to understand his own 

(idk if it was obvious from my previous posts on this website, but i’m a wei wuxian apologist so you should probably know that before i proceed)

i’m gonna quote the paragraph that prompted me to think about all this, it’s worded a bit differently in russian, but the point still stands:

Although in the past few days, he felt that Lan WangJi probably regarded him highly and differently from other people, he’d never dared to guess just how ‘highly’ it was or if ‘differently’ was the kind that he thought. Wei WuXian never thought of being confident as bad, and in fact prided himself on such a thought. Legends often gossiped about the YiLing Patriarch’s allegedly amorous life, but in reality, he’d never experienced such hectic feelings before. He used to think that Lan WangJi was too easy of a person to understand, but things were different now. He feared that he was the only one who thought of them that way, that it was all his own wishful thinking, that he was too confident for his own good.

lets start with the first statement and go waay back in time. first of all, the idea that wei wuxian wasn’t interested in lan wangji is kinda ridiculous to me, as this boy spent the entire time he was in gusu summer camp trying to get lan wangji’s attention, annoy him into friendship with him, he gifted him rabbits goddamnit. he had a whole fanclub of boys going on in gusu summer camp, he had girls in the nearby town swoon by him, and yet he focused his attention on lan wangji, but clearly he wasn’t interested, right. 

and then during sunshot they kept arguing and having bad experiences with each other, and yet wei wuxian couldn’t stop himself from being drawn to lan wangji, initiating conversation, that situation with the headband, that time he invited him to the inn. considering that every one of their encounters would end pretty badly, there was no reason for him to try again and again to build that friendship that he told himself wasn’t even possible. and yet he kept trying, and then in yiling he invited lan wangji to have a dinner with him, but of course he wasn’t interested. 

second of all, and it kinda bothers me a lot, actually, he wasn’t interested in men in his first life? yeah no shit. for starters, how old was he? 15? 17? you know, not all of us came to terms with our sexuality when we were digging up shit in a sandbox. it can happen later. it can happen much later. but what caught my attention in that paragraph i quoted above “but in reality, he’d never experienced such hectic feelings before.” was wei wuxian not interested in men in his first life? sure! according to the novel, he also wasn’t much interested in women! was it ever a consideration, that perhaps, for a teenager going through war and also shitload of other terrible events, romantic endeavors might have not been a priority? sure, he had an image, he had a reputation of a shameless dumbass to protect, but do we not know it was a pretence? it’s almost like characters like nie huaisang don’t exist. 

but also specifically for a teenager who was already experiencing his first crush, that he didn’t acknowledge much, because, once again, he had a lot of other shit to worry about

this brings me not very smoothly to the second statement. and i wanna start by giving some more credit to wei wuxian (who isn’t as dumb as he sometimes seems) and take some credit from lan wangji (who is a bit dumber than i thought he is), which brings them to the same level of idiots in love. 

wei wuxian doesn’t understand what lan wangji is feeling towards him. yeah. to be fair, adult lan wangji did a lot of things, some of which were more obvious than the others. but lan wangji wasn’t always like that. if i recall correctly, he spent almost the entirety of gusu summer camp rejecting wwx’s attempts in friendship, being an asshole and just plain rude (yes, wwx also was rude, but still) (yes, on the inside lan wangji was panicking in gay, but on the outside he was Just Rude, and WE know that, wei wuxian doesn’t). in the cave? lan wangji is overwhelmed and once again kinda rude to wwx, and he bites him, and again, WE know that lwj is probably going through a lot, wei wuxian knows less. moreover, later in the novel there is some more context given to why wei wuxian reacted like that to being bitten by lan wangji, our guy is straight up scared of being bitten, because he associates biting with dogs. they both were having kinda a shit time in that cave and i can’t blame them. during sunshot lan wangji was constantly arguing with wei wuxian and pretty openly dissaproving of his ways that he didn’t understand for obvious reasons. none of this says “i’m your friend and also i’m in love with you and i’m not actually trying to control you or reject you, i just don’t know what else to do”

and every time lan wangji would master his bravery to do something that would make his feelings more obvious, he would do it while wei wuxian couldn’t possible know that lan wangji was doing it. (e.g. singing wangixan to him in the cave while wei wuxian is out of it because of the fever, kissing him while he’s blindfolded). and the last chance in wwx’s first life that lwj got to confess his feelings, wei wuxian was simply not in the state to remember it or even process what was happening at all. 

coming back to his second life, wei wuxian actually becomes aware of his own feelings. not immediately, but dude was just dead like a few days ago, give him some time. and it’s not that he doesn’t notice that adult lan wangji now treats him differently, and certainly not how he treats anyone else, wei wuxian is straight up just afraid, without a direct conformation, that he’s still misunderstanding something. and taking in consideration all that i said previously, i can’t blame him. if any of these two could actually use their words, and ask questions they wanted to ask, this whole mess could have been avoided. but lan wangji can’t be direct (he doesn’t want to impose), and wei wuxian can’t trust indirect hints (he puts lan wangji way above himself and doesn’t believe hanguang-jun could get down to “his level”). 

and so they operate on this perfectly dysfunctional system of “i’ll just carry on with my own agenda, hoping for nothing in return” and also:

wwx: i’ll get him drunk (if he wants to get drunk) to just ask a few questions that i can’t ask while he’s sober

lwj: i’ll get drunk to be a little bit more free around wei ying, as i can’t be like that while i’m sober and i won’t remember it anyway

and, surprise, it doesn’t help their understanding of each other’s feelings. it doesn’t mean that wei wuxian is that oblivious, it just mean that things can’t work out like that, you need to TALK sometimes. (i didn’t get there yet, but thank god for lan xichen). in fact, that terrible system of communication makes things worse and i’m pretty sure the novel is being very clear that it wants you too to understand that it makes things worse.

their terrible inability to communicate properly results into that chapter that i just read. they operate in the previously learned patterns: wei wuxian buys alcohol, cause he wants to ask lan wangji this important question, lan wangji gets drunk, cause he doesn’t want to be present in this reality (relatable) (drinking to forget is bad, kids), and shit goes down. 

wei wuxian doesn’t want to take advantage of drunk lan wangji, but then he gets carried way, and drunk lan wangji gets carried away and things happen. and by the end of it, both sober, they BOTH think that they forced the other one to do something he didn’t want to do and they both feel terrible about that. (once again, i’m pretty sure that the novel is very clear about how it’s actually bad to have sex with someone blackout drunk) so wei wuxian ends up thinking that he took advantage oh lan wangji who wasn’t in control of himself, lan wangji thinks that he lost control of himself and took advantage of wei wuxian who didn’t protest out of gratitude to lan wangji (his worst fear, btw). 

i got slightly carried away from my original topic, but it just pisses me off that someone looks at this and really thinks that the novel is glorifying this behaviour or whatever. it’s terrible, they both feel terrible, the novel is yelling at them to talk instead of getting drunk and fucking. 

so yeah, wei wuxian isn’t that oblivious. but that situation doesn’t clear anything out, actually, because by the end of the day lan wangji sobers up, and wei wuxian sees his reaction to what happened, which was not a good reaction, and how is he supposed to understand lan wangji’s thought process correctly if he never says anything?  so wei wuxian ends up thinking that yeah, he gave in to his own wishful thinking, and terribly terribly fucked up (i mean, he did fuck up, but not as much as he thinks). 

idk how to end this so i just hope my point came across as i intended it and i’m just glad it’s all out