#idk if i could see myself spending most of my time alive doing it for the remainder of my existence though

[infamouslydorky]

Why is it so controversial to want to be able to have a life outside of work? Why is it expected to work extended periods of time with heavy workloads to the point that by the time you get home, you're too pooped to actually do anything? I don't mind working but I don't want it to be my whole life. I want to work to live, not live to work

[joenotexotic99]

Idk if you're still making this, but I want to let you know that we're waiting for BoB Lovetropes p2. My suggestions: Toye, Eugene, Malarkey, Guarnere, Luz, Sobel. Hope you're doing okay <3

A/n: I've been dealing with some stuff lately and now finally have a little time to catch up on old stuff. I also want to apologize anon I couldn't bring myself to soble. Sorry couldn't do it.

-Warnings: fluff, tiny bit of language, got wayyy to carried away with malarkey’s, oops. Might have to turn that into its own thing, if it's not already. Luz is slightly spicy, nothing crazy but you cant miss it.-

Masterlist

Joe Toye

-grumpy vs sunshine trope. Omggggg, the idea of this has me kicking my feet and giggling. Joe Toye is rough around the edges, tough skin. You on the other hand have always been the positive one, keeping the people around you spirits high. Being an optimist of sorts. Maybe not cheerful but you could definitely make someone's day. Yet behind his grumpy facade, he can't help but notice your unwavering optimism. He wasn't opposed to love; he just never expected to be swept off his feet so quickly by one person. Your personality was anything but the same. Never in a million years did he think he was going to fall in love with a bright and shiny person, which was the exact reason why he loved you so much. You two were like night and day. You were the beacon of light in all the darkness. I feel like Toye would also be super protective over you. Kinda the same vibe as liebgott. But that's for another time. 

“Is that a smile I see on your face toye?” “I'm one lucky bastard you realize that?”

Eugene roe

-office romance/forced proximity. I didn't exactly know what to call this one. Both you and roe are easy company medics. Gene from the start, harbord a crush on you. And mean big time crush. Thinking about you he got butterflies in his stomach. You both spent significant time together. Typically the only times you were separated is when you were attending to fellow paratroopers. Bastogne was a turning point. You were in a jeep headed to the church, your hand and a cloth being the soul thing keeping a man alive. You almost made it before the church burst into flames. When Gene heard what happened he got the first ride possible to bastogne. When he saw you, hand now on a clearly dead man, he took you into his arms. He brought you back to the Adrennes forest. As usual you spent the night in genes fox hole the only difference was you both saw what was right in front of you for the first time and kissed. It wasn't until Austria where he gave you a promise ring where he promised to spend and devote the rest of his life with you.

“you make me the happiest man you know that y/n?”

“Tell me that again at our wedding”

Donald Malarkey 

-friends to lovers? Maybe a sprinkle of enemies to lovers?? I don't know but here me out. So you join the paratroopers as a female, the reason you got in was from connections in the army. Seeing how even if you are the most talented female there is, it's still the 40s here. I wouldn't think that the Toccoa men would flat out bully you, but would more just not believe in you. Probably leave you out of a lot of things. Kind of just pretend you weren't there. But not malarkey. He saw something in you that the rest didn't. Honestly he was shocked to see how they treated you. You were the best paratrooper there was in this company. You stood your ground. You met and exceeded in all categories. Passed each test with flying colors. You also were able to do it with the most incredible smile. As much as you disliked it, he stood up for you. Complimented and congratulated you when you did well. You really liked him. He was cute, kind, and not a douche wad. But sadly, most guys here if they weren't mean, they were trying to get Into your pants. As much as you wouldn't mind that with malarkey, you weren't here for that. One day in Aldbourne England you had enough. You weren't going to get swooned into bed and he had to know it. When you had a spare moment you grabbed him and pulled him aside and told him to stop. He was bewildered that this is how you perceived him. He explained to you that was not his intention. You could hear the sincerity of his voice. He meant it. This was the start of your friendship. You both were like a thing but not? Kinda a situationship. But it wasn't official until Haguenau. The effects of war painted across your faces. In one of the houses you laid in one of the beds, trying for the hundredth time to get some rest to no avail. He came and found you. There was little and a lot to say. Instead he kissed you. The past two years of friendship melted instantly into a lifetime of love. 

“god i've wanted you to do that for a long time”

“What happened to ‘I'm not here for a relationship’?”

“shut the fuck up and kiss me again would ya”

William Guarnere

-Enemies to lovers. Come on, this is so perfect. Guarnere is a natural bully. He bullies everybody all the time, but you? He loves bullying you. He always has an insult special for you up his sleeve. However, that's a lie. He hates it to his core. You are the sweetest person ever. All he wants to do is not bully you. He's somewhere in the middle of liebgott and Speers. He doesn't want to be seen as weak. He has this demnor he feels the need to uphold and that everybody around him expects. Not some ooey gooey man. Even though if he could he'd probably worship you. You were perfect in his eyes. He hates himself more and more but the more he digs himself into this hole the harder it is for him to get out. He finally cracks when someone else makes a particular mean stab at you one day at a bar in holland. He can hate himself all he fucking wants for bullying you. But somebody else is doing it? Hurting you? Not going to happen. He breaks his nose, jaw, maybe a rib or two, black eye and busted lip, all before he could get ripped off this guy. You get wind of this later. Within minutes you're confronting him. Before he shuts you up with a kiss.

“I thought you hated me”

“Hate you? No, For fuckes sake sweetheart, I'm in love with you”

George Luz

-meet cute. You originally met just before you signed up to be paratroopers. And I mean just before. You were getting blood work done to test how fit you were to fight.  As you waited in the lobby to fill out paperwork, you went to reach for your pen. That's when you realized it wasn't there. It just so happens that a very cute guy next to you had an extra with him. You quickly filled the paper and exchanged names and conversations. On the way home you couldn't get him out of your head. So couldn't he. Later when you were assigned to easy company you found the one and only George luz. The same extremely handsome guy at the clinic. He immediately recognized you. How could he not? Your face and laugh had been at the front of his thoughts a lot lately. You tried to keep both of your composure during Toccoa seeing how you didn't want to get into any trouble. But that all fell apart after one weekend with a pass and some alcohol. Kisses were shared, clothes were shed and hands roamed. After that night you made it official. Luz also started writing his vows.

“you know I've never felt this way before”

“What the sex or me? Because If it wasn't the sex let me know so we can go again”

“both luz, but I can't turn that offer down now can I”

[sorrinslays]

More about the Belobog Roleswap AU

So, I decided to make this post because of @lesbianbootheng. Specifically, their reblog right here:

#hsr#role swap au#op i hope u know much i enjoy those aus and the fact u made one is So Cool to me#pls tell me u have more ideas bc dude? i’d love to hear em#and i hope ur comfy w/ me adding some ideas myself bc this sounds soo fucking cool dude like wtf#love the idea of clara and hook being assistants to the silvermane guards that’s so cool <3 it fits them surprisingly well#ALSO THE FUCKING NERD PELA BEING PART OF THE FIGBT CLUB?? idk that’s so funny to me idk why LMFAO#oleg being luka’s father is rlly cute i love that <3 my HEARTT#also svorg being slowly being aaprt of the landau family by serval fixing him and they start to consider each other as the other loved ones#serval is still a musician i hope she’d just be one of those underground artists (literally haha)#also love the fact cocolia/serval r a thing in this au that makes me so happy u don’t understand :3#their yuri is NOT doomed after all :3#also… bc this is a roleswap au imagine bronya as the new supreme guardian… can u see it?#how do u think she’d act as leader?#sampo + bronya would DEF need to reign her in haha#also. do u think geppie sees sampo interacting w/ hook/clara & thinks of lynx & wants to sob when he’s separated#bc I DO. i so fucking do

So here's some more insight on the lives of the characters!

Gepard

He has this rule he set for himself that he doesn't steal from the less fortunate, guards and children. Those he does frequently steal from are nobles and since he used to be one (technically still is) he knows the obsolete worst ones. Sometimes, when he learns something particularly bad, he leaves an "anonymous" tip in Sampo's office.

He tried to grow a side business out of selling flowers. Since he's not a guard he has way more time to actually engage in his hobby, unlike his OG counterpart, he can actually keep a plant alive. However the business sadly didn't end up working out.

He does have "disguises" so he can get groceries without being chased around, although they are all kind of terrible. He doesn't know jackshit about makeup so he relies on hiding his face instead (hats, masks, sunglasses and the like). Almost all of Belobog knows this but they just kinda don't bother him cause the disguise is so bad it's sad.

Whenever Clara and Hook see Gepard in his "disguise" they try to get Sampo to arrest him cause "it's literally the guy you chase everyday, he's right here, just get him!!!!!" only for Sampo to pretend not to recognize him. Gepard goes through all five stages of grief whenever this happens.

He has accidently bumped into Luka sneaking into the restricted zone on numerous occasions and both kept it secret. They have even fought together in secret.

There are rumours of the "Phantom Shielder" amongst the guards, which is just Gepard. He keeps trying to help in the snow plains, since he feels guilty for adding to the workload of the guards by committing crimes. He believes it to the least he could do.

He is a supplier of automaton parts and the like for Oleg. Luka has a sneaking suspicion that's the case but since it's Gepard's most legitimate business venture, he doesn't bother reporting it. Oleg is, like, the closest thing Gepard has to a father figure.

Sampo

As the Captain, he rarely has time to relax alone and anytime he does have the time he spends it in the far away snow plains looking for medicine for Cocolia. He sneaks away when he's supposed to be doing paperwork. Or he "loses track of time and stays on patrol for longer periods".

He has made deals with pharmacists all around Belobog, asking for "defect medicine" that cannot be sold to the public (because of such things as a wrongly colored bottle, wrong print, a small cracks etc.). Basically, he collects it without telling the pharmacists where it actually goes. They don't really question him and he brings it to Cocolia.

He has a house near the restricted zone, not because he wants to be "closer to the actions" as he tells people, but so that he can have more alone time. You need a good reason to be anywhere near the restricted zone or you have to sneak in, so his apartment is like a safe haven to him.

He doesn't have any tells when lying, contrary to popular belief. He has fake ones that he uses to trick Natasha. She believes him to be a bad liar because of this.

Anytime he has free time (which is not all that often) he is surrounded by children anywhere he goes. If you hear manic giggling across the streets you know Sampo has a day off. He will have at least two kids around him at all times and the parents have to practically peel them away from him.

Sometimes, whenever he spots Hook bothering Gepard while he's "in his disguise" he walks over and chats with Gepard just to fuck with him. It's incredibly entertaining watching the poor guy squirm as his voice cracks in ten different ways.

He actually knows if Luka sneaked in and disguised himself as a guard because there's a standard hair length soldiers in the restricted zone have to have that Luka does not follow. He never mentions it, just let's him do whatever since he believes Luka to be capable enough. He does like ordering him around just to fuck with him, seeing Luka flinch and do anything without making a sound or "deepening his voice" so that Sampo "doesn't recognize him" is very funny to him.

Luka

As much as he hates paperwork, he's infuriatingly good at it. So he's probably staying an intelligence officer for a long while. Seele told him as much after a meeting with Natasha. He had begged Seele to bring up his situation, arguing that he's healed now and can go back to the front lines. Seele, true to her word, did mention him, but Natasha shout down any conversation about him, stating he's "too useful as an intelligence officer".

He used to have a small crush on Sampo. He was impressed by his fighting and was asking the Captain for a spar for weeks before the other agreed. It's still unknown if he still harbors that crush. The crush doesn't necessary have to romantic, it's honestly up for interpretation.

He attends every funeral, celebration and memorial held in honor of the Silvermane Guards. It's based on respect but also a little bit of guilt on his part. He believes that if he hadn't lost his arm, he would've still been in the front lines and he could've stopped some of the death that happened in the snow plains.

Whenever he is cooped up in his office for long periods of times, Clara and Hook are tasked (by Sampo, as their "superior") to get him out. Usually, they steal an important document and have him chase them all over the city. By the time he gets back, the day is over and he is ordered to go home and rest.

During his days off, he helps Oleg around the workshop. Oleg has tried to reassure Luka many times before that he doesn't need to keep helping, although all of them were in vain.

He has tried getting new hobbies to distract himself, and one that he enjoyed more than he thought he would was crocheting and knitting. He made matching scarfs for Clara and Hook and Seele called him a granny. He challenged her to a spar after that (he lost).

Whenever Luka and Gepard sneak into the snow plains together, they get into "competitions". Basically, they try to kill more fragmentum than the other. Usually, it's a tie or one of them winning by a small precent (like one or two more kills).

Natasha

Just like every other Supreme Guardian, she graduated in history. Although that's the case, she was always fascinated by human biology and the structure of the human body. She became even more interested after she met a man by the name of Vache, who told her he wanted to make a medicine specifically for people to be able to survive the bitter cold. After Cocolia banished Vache to the snow plains, Natasha brought him to Qlipoth Fort. He is still alive, even after the Astral Express' visit.

She really likes teddy bears, they used to be the only emotional support she had back when she was first selected to be the future Supreme Guardian. She had shared this information with Oleg, and since they used to be very close back in the academy, a lot of her stuffed toys were left at Oleg's place. So their absence during the Stellaron's manipulation helped her spiral quicker.

Vache lives in the lab of Qlipoth Fort and he is, basically, Stellaron 2.0. Since he also believes the Stellaron, he tries to pressure Natasha into following its plan. Natasha, isolated from any actually healthy influences, gives in and soon orders that result in more deaths than victories follow.

She and Oleg used to be very close, to the point that they even grew flowers together and used to babysit children together as a way to gain a little something something on the side. Whenever Luka reports to her, she asks about Oleg and how he's doing, every time she asks she has a wishful expression on her face.

Natasha was actually very suspicious of Sampo in the beginning, after all, before he joined the Silvermane Guards she hasn't heard a thing about him. She remained suspicious of him even after years, until the end of the Belobog arc. When he first made waves, she researched every little thing about him.

Oleg adopted Luka after his break up with Natasha, so when she first saw his last name she cried. She genuinely thought that she had missed a wedding or something.

Doctor handwriting. Even in another universe she couldn't escape the illegible doctor handwriting curse.

Seele

Used to go to the same elementary, middle and high school together with Luka. He was just a year or two younger than her. As a kid, she used to think he was okay, then during middle school she found him annoying and now it's a mix of two. However, he's probably the closest thing she has to a best friend and it's the person she trusts the most outside of Natasha.

She focuses a lot of her combat abilities. Since Natasha doesn't let her go on too many missions and she's not aware she's supposed to be the next Supreme Guardian (she is under the impression that she is just Natasha's adopted daughter) she doesn't think about the political situation or strategies all that much. She much prefers fighting the fragmentum.

Although technically she has a higher position than Sampo, whenever she gets overzealous during training or pushes herself too hard, she'll "be put in time out" by Sampo. Basically, she will be training and Hook and Clara pop out of nowhere, telling her how it's "time for a break, or else Sampo will put you in time out". She always tries to get out of it because she finds it stupid, but honestly dealing with Hook and Clara is a challenge in it of itself, so, unfortunately for her, Sampo's tactic works annoyingly well.

At first, she was struggling a lot in school, specifically with writing. When Natasha first caught wind of this, she sat down with Seele and they spent a whole evening just writing and Natasha helping Seele with school work.

For almost her whole life, Natasha and Oleg were together, so when Natasha turned distant and they broke up, she basically lost her parent. She visits Oleg's workshop every now and then, but they definitely aren't as close as they used to be. Now, unfortunately for her, the closest thing she has in her life that actively acts like a father figure is Sampo.

She regularly makes bets with soldiers in the front lines. Like, "oh, I bet Kyle can't headshot five fragmentum in a row". In general she is very friendly with them. Natasha is not a fan of that.

Luka asks her for a spar session almost any time he sees her. While it "annoys" her, she find comfort in the fact that she can tell him mood easily like that. She knows that if he's just fired up he gonna ask one or two times and if he feels bad for whatever reason, he's gonna be more persuasive.

Oleg

To him, the Neverwinter workshop was something that would've happened one way or another. He always knew that at some point he would own a workshop, however, what he didn't expect was how soon it would happen. He imagined opening it in his late forties - early fifties after passing his Stellaron research to a younger researcher. He never expected to have the nasty break up with Natasha and getting kicked out of the Silvermanes like that.

A side hobby he picked up after losing his job as a researcher was sketching. Whenever the workshop goes through a slow period with no customers or any work to do, people can find him outside, sketching whatever he sees.

When Luka lost his arm, he was devastated. He was so scared for his son he soot out Natasha, asking if she can find a better position for Luka that doesn't endanger him so much. Although he feels guilty for taking the choice from Luka, he also prefers feeling guilty with a son than feeling guilty without a son.

Back when Luka used to be in the frontlines, he wanted to meet his superior (Sampo) just to be sure that the Captain was capable. His first impression of Sampo wasn't a positive one, but after hearing about his achievements in battle, anecdotes from other guards, seeing Luka's admiration of him and seeing him around the street playing with the kids, he backed off.

He still misses Seele, even though technically she's not his kid. Even though that's the case, he still makes sure to prepare birthday gifts for her and congratulate her on any achievements.

He teaches Hook and Clara the basics of engineering. Every week he dedicates two hours for them. It's actually one of his favorite past times cause it livens up the place and reminds him of back when Luka and Seele used to be kids.

He still thinks about his research, specifically the Stellaron. He really wants to continue studying it and oftentimes thinks about it. He has a lot of theories about it but can't test any of them out.

Cocolia

She met Serval when the Landaus first moved to the Underground. While all the siblings have a positive opinion of her and they generally get along well, she and Serval clicked almost instantly. Serval helped her a lot with the orphanage, then with the clinic and finally with Wildfire.

Even though the Underground's atmosphere is pretty depressing, Cocolia tries her best make it more homey, warm and, in general, uplift the people. There's a reason why the people of the Underworld trust her with more than just medical issues.

One of her attempts to make the Underworld more welcoming was plants. Although most of them require sunlight, she got Sampo to look for ones that can survive without it. And just like that the Underworld is full of plants (as much as it can be). Unfortunately not all parts of the Underworld have a flourishing flora, the unlivable parts (thanks to the fragmentum) don't have any.

While she is a doctor and a healer is general, if it comes down to it, she can hold her own in battle. She uses a bass guitar when fighting, the one that in the original Serval broke during her companion quest.

She and Bronya have a very strong bond. They spend hours talking about different ways to optimize Wildfire. Serval helps with that too, either as the face of Wildfire or by suggesting ways to update equipment or create new weapons. Whenever Sampo is present, his input is asked as well, although he mostly helps with strategizing and ways to get rid of the fragmentum.

The hardest choice she had to make was exile Vache. She was conscious of his downward spiral when he started obsessing over blizzard immunity but the human experimentation was kept a secret from her until Lynx mentioned hearing something about it. Needless to say when she found out she was heartbroken.

She is well liked by all the children, and she always has some sort of candy on her desk. It's either for children who are being treated or, at the end of each day, the most behaved kid gets two.

Bronya

Although she didn't go to school, she knows the basics thanks to Cocolia and Serval. So now, her favorite hobby is reading. She has read as many books as she could get her hands on. Anytime she sees Sampo, she asks him to deliver her a book or two.

While she is part of Wildfire and she does fight against the fragmentum under Serval's command, whenever fragmentum activity is low, she is seen helping around Cocolia's clinic. While is mostly acts as a nurse following Cocolia's orders, she is still very skilled, to the point that other nurses sometimes call her "Cocolia 2.0".

She has learned the basics of engineering from Serval. It's a skill that comes in handy more often than not, from fixing up children's toys to helping fix equipment that was broken by the fragmentum.

The kids love her too. Whenever they get into trouble the first person they go to is Bronya due to her "not being an adult" (she is, she is just the youngest one working in the clinic so they assume she's still a teenager).

She has heard a lot about Gepard, but she has never actually met him since she wasn't adopted back when the Underworld and Overworld weren't separated. Despite this, she feels as if she had known him forever because of how often Serval and Lynx mention him. As if he's still here, with them.

She and Pela are good friends. Thanks to her, Bronya got into the Tales of the Winterlands. That series got her to wish to one day go to the topside and see the snow plains for herself. It's a wish she holds close to her heart.

She is close to Lynx as well, they spend a lot of time together due to her being the little sister of Serval. The two of them started reading Tales of the Winterlands together thanks to Pela and both of them loved it. They have spent hours talking about what they want to do in the Overworld.

Pela

She is a very important part of Wildfire not only because of her strength but also because of her great investigation skills and data collection. Thanks to her, Wildfire is not only able to catch troublemakers but also because she could predict future fragmentum activity based on the data she managed to collect.

She was the one who investigated Vache when Cocolia first heard of the rumours. She had come to Pela as a friend, asking for help, not as part of Wildfire. Pela accepted to look into it for free, and gave it her all. Let's just say the investigation wasn't all that pleasant.

She has created a fake identity that she uses to bet on herself. She is very strategic about it too. If she wins too many bets, she makes sure to stage a few loses to keep the attention away from her fake identity. She has made bank with that strategy.

Moreover, the reason she is still technically in debt is because the person she owes to is in the Overworld, so she had no way to reach him and she can't ask Sampo for help. She has a small box in her apartment that is the payment to her debt. She's not sure if there's any extra payment due to being late (although it's not really her fault) but just in case she keeps some extra shield.

Her closest friend is Lynx, they hang out together anytime Lynx isn't with Svarog. There's moments were they don't talk, Lynx just shows her picture as they cuddle on Pela's sofa and that's probably their favorite activity. However, anytime Lynx is in a talkative mood, the two of them theorize on what Gepard is doing in the Overworld.

She preforms in Mechanical Fever with Serval. It's a way for her to gain an additional income while hanging out with her friends (Serval, Lynx and sometimes Cocolia (when she's not busy with Wildfire and the clinic, which is pretty rare)). She is a drummer, her drumsticks are handmade and very sturdy (build by Serval) and she uses them when fighting as well.

She participates in a lot of food completions (like eating all 5 crabs that are in the game), but her favorites are the ones with spicy food. She and Serval were the ones with the biggest rivalry in a spice tolerance competition.

Serval

When she and her siblings first moved into the Underworld, they could only afford a one-bedroom apartment. She and Lynx shared the bedroom and Gepard slept in the living room. Soon, after Cocolia formed Wildfire, Serval go the opportunity to move. Now, she lives with Cocolia in a four-bedroom apartment, one for her and Cocolia, two bedrooms for Lynx and Bronya and the last one for Gepard.

While she is part of Wildfire, she also has her own "workshop" which is just her "experimentations" on automatons. She wants to create truly sturdy ones that can handle the fragmentum so that people don't have to risk their lives (and to also win in automaton fights shhh!!!!!).

While she doesn't like Svarog, she still helps him fix up a few things here and there, although she doesn't approve of the way they run their part of the Underworld she understands that he is an important ally. Plus, she gets access to better tools/materials.

She is still the lead singer/guitarist in Mechanical Fever. Most of her songs are about hope and a brighter future, it's her way of helping uplift the people of the Underworld. She is the most popular artist in the Underworld because of this.

When Sampo first arrived to the Underworld, she asked him about Gepard. More specifically, how he's been, if Sampo knows anything about him (whereabouts, health and the like). While he answered her questions, she asked if he could bring Gepard down, but he said "not yet". He did give her other reasons as well, but the "not yet" stuck with her.

Whenever Bronya and her go for patrols or missions together, they just talk. Like, they do get the work down, but they have insanely good coordination skills and synergy together that it's a breeze for them so it works more as a bonding moment rather than work.

The one taking care of most plants in the Underworld is Serval because they remind her a lot of Gepard and his love for plant life. On especially lonely nights she imagines his reaction to seeing how much the Underworld has changed since last time he was there.

Lynx

The reason Lynx got so attached to Svarog was because he possessed a lot of knowledge about the outside world and he could answer a lot of her questions. He once even showed her a projection of how the aurora looks back in the snow plains.

Before meeting Svarog she had tried to go to the surface to, one, find Gepard and, two, to see the Overworld once more. She went pretty far, but she couldn't unlock the Furnace Core, so she had to leave before Svarog found her.

She once confided in Pela that she doesn't remember Gepard's face, that it's very blurry for her and that she feels very guilty about it. She is frustrated because she does care about him and Serval always gets a sad distant look when he's brought up, but whenever she is trying to imagine the three of the reuniting, she can't picture it.

She has tried reasoning with Svarog on multiple occasions, but the robot never changes his mind. She still hasn't lost hope whatsoever. After all, her dream, aside from reuniting with Gepard, is to visit the snow plains.

She knows basic engineering thanks to both Serval and Svarog. Although she is not very interested in it. She prefers learning about the outside world much more, but it's useful information so she doesn't argue.

Whenever she wants to get a few extra shield, she goes to the fight club to bet on Pela. If she is not participating, she follows Pela's betting advice. She almost always wins, but that's because she doesn't visit the club that often.

When she met Sampo, she had asked for pictures of the snow plains, since she learned he fights the fragmentum there. He obliged and now she has a whole pin board dedicated to those pictures in her room.

Hook and Clara

The two of them are a very big deal in their school. They brag that THE Captain of the Silvermane Guards has them as "assistants". At first, the other kids didn't believe them when Hook said that they work for Sampo until he comes pick them up from school one day (Fersman was busy).

While the two of them have their separate bedrooms, every night they have "sleepovers" which is basically them sleeping together in each other's bedrooms. On Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays they sleep in Hook's room and on Tuesdays, Thursdays and Saturdays they sleep in Clara's room. On Sundays they play rock paper scissors to decide where the sleepover will be.

Seele had to explain to them on multiple occasions that they are not official Silvermane Guards. Hook refuses to listen and Clara is just confused. Both insist that they are cause "uncle Sampo told us we are under his command!!!!!!!!! You're just jealous your boss isn't as cool as ours!!!!!"

While they get a lot out of following Sampo's orders, they are still not allowed in the restricted zone. They don't get it, and Sampo dances around the issue, ordering them to do things outside it like bringing lunch to Luka or something.

Both of them are really scared of Natasha. They've seen her once or twice in public appearances and whenever they bumped into her in Qlipoth Fort, and while at first she seems nice, something about her scares them. Most of the time whenever they see her they run to hide either behind Sampo or Fersman or Luka.

Once, Sampo had an infiltration mission but Hook and Clara kept wanting to hang out with them. Sampo noticed Gepard in his terrible disguise and told them to follow him. They ended up pestering Gepard all day instead.

Anytime there's a disagreement between them they solve it with a game of rock paper scissors. Even when doing homework. If one of them got a 7 as an answer while the other got a 100 they play rock paper scissors and list the answer as whatever the winner got.

[heyidkyay]

Who can say no to bridezilla? |

Part one

I had to write another after seeing the love the last one got, thank you btw! I've actually missed writing a fair bit so I'm glad you enjoyed it.

> With this one, I started and just couldn't stop, so I might make it into a couple of parts? Maybe? Idk, let me know if that's something anyone would want:)

Summary: With no date to your sister's wedding, what are you to do? No worries though, she's already got it covered, well, sort of...

Masterlist

--

"It's just annoying. I mean- don't get me wrong, I'm proper chuffed you're finally tying the knot and all, but it's just a shitty situation.” I huffed defeatedly as I leant up against the cabinet, watching as a grey sky crept by my kitchen window. 

“I know,” I heard my sister sigh, her voice soft even through the phone’s tinny speaker. “And I’m sorry, but you know what mum’s like, y/n/n. She’ll be devastated when she finds out you’re coming alone! That, and the fact that if you don’t end up bringing a plus one, all of my wedding photos will turn out uneven… And I really, really need this day to be perfect! I want you to think its perfect! To enjoy it! Not just be sat there on the sidelines, watching.”

I closed my eyes for a long moment as I ran a hand through my hair. It was in dire need of a good wash, but between my job and the stress of having recently moved, I hadn’t found the time to even sit down. Still, I could understand where my sister was coming from, and I really wanted her to have the picture perfect day she’d always dreamt of too. But, we both knew that she was laying it on thick now, and with me being the eldest, we both also knew I’d do just about anything to make her happy. This though, was a big ask.

“Listen, yes things ended badly between Alex and I, but now that it’s all finally over, I just don’t think I have it in me to try and force myself to find someone else to replace him. Not yet, anyway.”

Alex, being my most recent ex. We’d parted ways about three months ago now- though ‘parted’ definitely wasn’t the term I preferred to use. But how else was I supposed to describe him cheating and me having to walk in on it happening? With my best mate of all people, too. 

Yeah, that hadn’t been the easiest of transitions, especially since I’d also been flat-sharing with the pair of them.

But my sister knew all of this already.

“Mum will just have to worry about me being lonely a little longer, y/s/n, and I'll just have to prepare myself to deal with her constant fussing over me for the entire evening.” I attempted to cajole, not wanting to outright deny her. “As well as the rest of my life, I suppose.” I added unhelpfully under my breath.

It wasn’t that I didn’t love my mum, God, she was just about the only person who truly understood me. That, and she’d done absolutely everything within her power to make sure that her kids had gotten everything she'd never had. She was an utter saint. But saying that, she could also tend to be a tad bit… overbearing. 

“Ah come on, she won’t be that bad!” My sister fired back before she then paused, as though she’d only just understood the words she’d spoken. I couldn’t not let out an airy chuckle when she sighed, “Alright, fair enough, she will be. But! If you just ask someone along, you won’t have to spend my entire wedding day avoiding her!”

I groaned, rubbing at my face.

“It’s been months since I ended things with Al- mum knows that, babe. I’ve had her on the phone almost every day since, hassling and FaceTiming me constantly to make sure I’m still alive. She even sends down little care packages in the post! Care. Packages. Y/s/n.”

I actually looked over towards the most recent arrival which had awoken me early the previous morning. It was still where I’d left it, chucked beside the foot of the sofa, barely opened. 

Again, I adored the woman, but she tended to be a fair bit dramatic. I could really see where my sister got it all from.

“Besides, how am I supposed to convince her I'm perfectly fine with someone I've only just met hanging off my arm?” I added, puttering on over to the sink to fill the kettle. I think I could feel another migraine coming on.

“I get it, y/n, I do. And I’m also sorry for suggesting it, but if I knew of an easier solution that would magically solve all our problems, then I would. But I don’t, and even though I want the biggest day of my life to go perfectly, I also want you happy.”

I could hear the sincerity in her voice and as I picked up my mug and tossed a teabag inside, I could also picture her sat at the dinning table back home, foot anxiously tapping away in an attempt to conjure up a better idea. She was a nitpicker, right down to the very bone, and I could only guess the amount of stress she was putting herself under in order to make sure that her wedding went off without a hitch for all those involved. 

After a few moments of shared silence, she spoke again, “To be honest, I can’t believe you stuck around as long as you did.”

My mind wandered back to all the time I’d wasted on Alex. We’d met growing up, he’d been our next door neighbour. We went through all of primary school despising one another, only to end up in the same friendship group come secondary. It didn’t take much more than that for us to suddenly become joined at the hip. He’d been my best mate, and when we finally got together, I’d pictured the rest of our lives spent with one another. 

He’d honestly really fucked me over in the end. I hadn’t just lost my boyfriend that day, but both of my closest friends, as well as a few others who’d taken his side in the awkward aftermath that came when most relationships ended. But that being said, I felt more at peace now than I had in a long while. With every relationship came troubles, and by the end of ours, I guessed we had more than most. That wasn’t me making excuses for him though- nah, he was still a massive prick.

“Yeah, me either.” I admitted, a breathy chuckle slipping from my lips as I softly shook away the rest of my thoughts. 

“I am proud of you though, for moving on as well as you have. Always knew he was an arse.” Came my sister’s voice and I couldn’t help the laugh that escaped me.

I grinned, so very thankful for her.

“God, was he!” I agreed instantly, listening to her giggle as I laughed, “A right tit.”

“Oh!”

I blinked at the sudden exclamation heard from down the phone and furrowed my brow slightly as the last of my laughter tittered out, “You alright there?”

“Uh, yes! I’ve just had the most perfect idea!” My sister declared, not even giving me the chance to question her before she was off on a tangent. “Forget about having to chat anyone up, or having some godawful colleague of yours to pose as a fake date- I’ve already got the perfect person for you!”

I felt my mouth part slightly in confusion and was just about to speak up when she beat me to the punch, seemingly excited about whatever plan she’d formulated in her head.

“Right, okay, just listen. I know this guy, a friend of Adam’s, yeah? He’s been off of relationships for a little while now, not really looking for anything at the moment ‘cause he’s been away for a bit. Busy, and what not. But y/n, he’s a right charmer, proper looker, too! He also happens to owe Ad a big favour!”

I closed my eyes for a moment, frowning. “What are you getting at here, y/s/n?”

The huff that sounded then, all but echoed in my ear and I couldn’t not roll my eyes at her dramatics.

“He can be your date, y/n! I know he’d be well up for helping us out if I give him free-rein to do what he pleases, always up for a laugh, and he'll be able to keep mum off your back about finding someone new. Plus, I can guarantee you a good time because I just know that the two of you will instantly hit it off.”

“What?” I squawk, far beyond perplexed. “You can’t just ask some randomer to pretend to be my date to your wedding, y/s/n! Are you actually insane?”

“He’s not some randomer though! I know him through Adam, and Adam’s known him since school!” My sister pestered, and I could practically feel her excitement bubbling up from down the phone. “He’s well lovely, nothing like He-Who-Shall-Not-Be-Named— Plus! When we were first introduced, I’d had the thought of setting him up with you, but well, you know, you were still with What’s-his-face and you seemed happy enough.”

I couldn’t believe what I was hearing, to be frank. And went to say as much, when she cut me off again.

“Come on, y/n/n! It’ll be so great! And besides, who would it hurt? You’re both single, not looking for any sort of commitment, and both without dates to my wedding. Mum’ll be over the moon about it, too, once I let her know! And this way, I won’t have to fork out God knows how much on another two plus ones.”

“I’m really not sure about- hang on, he’s already going?” I questioned, confusedly. 

“He’s Adam’s best mate, of course he’s coming!”

“I thought Ad’s best mate was George?”

Her eye roll was implied when she retorted. “You can have more than one best mate, y/n. Look, you worry too much. I’ll have Ad phone him now and ask, yeah? If he agrees, I’ll get him to message you.” I was still beyond fucking baffled and could hear the obvious delight which lined my sister’s tone. “That settles it, I’ll do it right now. So talk to you later, yeah? God, I'm so excited! Love you lots!”

Then she was gone.

I let the phone fall away from my ear and stared down at the blank screen with vacant eyes.

What the fuck.

“What the actual fuck?” I found myself asking my empty flat aloud. I rubbed at my forehead tiredly before I ultimately tossed the device onto the pile of cushions perched on the nearest armchair, leaving it there to hopefully die, or something. 

Didn’t quite turn out that way though. I ended up fishing it out about an hour later when I’d started running a bath, needing it for it’s musical capabilities.

It was then, after the tub had filled and I’d slipped into its mountain of bubbles, that a notification disturbed the perfect playlist I’d curated. 

I grumbled as I pulled myself up and out of the water.

It was a text from an unknown number, I frowned as I unlocked the device.

“Oh, for fucks sake!”

I hadn’t actually believed that she would do it. Ask someone to be her sister’s fake date to her own wedding! But I really, really, really should’ve known better. 

And so I tossed the phone back on the side, submerging my body in its entirety back under the soapy water in hopes that I might just drown. She was so dead.

—

Maybe I’d been a tad bit hasty in scheduling the perfectly timed event of my sister’s impending death. 

Listen, I could admit when I was being a total drama queen, but my sister had well and truly pushed her luck this time around, and so I’d been quick in my judgement of the situation. Perhaps a little too quick.

Several weeks had passed since that day and in the time leading up to my sister’s wedding, I had spent a good portion of it texting Matty back and forth. 

That was his name, by the way- the poor bloke my sister had roped into accompanying me on her big day. And if I was being honest, I was rather grateful for the fact that she’d chosen to stick her big nose in where it wasn’t wanted and set the whole thing up. Though, I might have been better inclined to admit so if she’d been a whole lot more normal and just introduced the two of us in a much more conventional way.

When Matty had texted me that first night- rather delighted by the fact that he’d been gifted the privilege of a front row ticket to the shit-show I was still calling my life- I’d been dreading the entire thing. 

He had taken the utter piss out of me in all truth, and had then proceeded to rinse the shit out of the entire situation for all it was worth. But, strangely enough, he’d done so in the very best way. 

I can honestly admit that I don’t think I’ve ever laughed as hard as I have than when I’m messaging Matty. He was everything my sister had described and more.

He knew how to have a good laugh, when to flirt or to tease, and he was pretty open about the things that mattered most to him once you’d bartered your way past that overzealous ego of his. He also appeared to love music almost as much as me, which was honestly saying something. And he spoke highly of his family and friends, in length too when they had come up here and there in conversation.

I really hadn’t expected to have grown so close to him in the time we’d spent texting back and forth, but there was just something about him, in his nature maybe, that just made things feel so easy.

It was so, so strange, because I hadn’t even seen a picture of the bloke, and I’d only ever heard a few short snippets of his voice through the odd voicenote we'd shared here and there, but I’d openly call him a close friend to any one who now asked. It was as though we’d known each other for years. 

And I really wasn’t one to let many people in, I liked the small family I had created for myself, one full of friends I’d known for eons, and relatives that meant the world to me. So to have Matty slip by all of my defences so effortlessly, was something I thought a lot about.

“Oi,” Jamie suddenly prompted with a bright grin, a jabbing finger to my side untangled me from my thoughts. "You ready for the big day?

I’d been stood a little way a way from the chapel’s entrance, waiting for everyone else to arrive, and was seemingly a little lost in my own head. Apprehensive, maybe. Jamie had startled me slightly as I’d not even heard his approach, but I allowed myself to relax somewhat as I gave him the once over.

“Just about.” I replied with a teasing smile, “Clean up nice, Jim. Loving the suit.”

Jamie was my cousin, but we were so close in age I practically saw him as another brother. We’d grown up together, which also meant that he’d been close with Alex too.

Though, he’d actually been one of the few people who had taken my side after everything that happened, even with the two boys having been rather close since they were kids. I was glad to still have him, so glad, even if it did mean that I still felt a little guilty about the whole thing from time to time.

“Don’t look too surprised.” Jamie laughed at my light jab as he pulled me in for a short hug. “Though, you are looking good too, I suppose.”

I swatted at his shoulder when we parted. “Don’t be a twat, you know I’m the best dressed here.”

“Oh yeah…” He dragged out sarcastically, a small smirk playing on his lips. “Definitely ready to upstage the bride.”

I just rolled my eyes as I laughed. “Where is bridezilla anyway?”

“Just saw her with your mum, actually. They were fussing about something or other, but I reckon they ended up sorting it out.” Jamie replied with a small shrug as he pulled on his lapels.

I let my eyes roam around the surrounding area again for a brief moment as he did, skirting over the mass of maple trees, which were now in full bloom, and the familiar faces that crowded the gravel drive. 

“Exactly why I can never see myself going through with any of this.” I commented offhandedly, too preoccupied with the anxiety of finally meeting my so called date.

My gaze found Jamie’s again when he wearily voiced, “What- even when you were with…?” His voice held a hint of genuine curiosity.

I shrugged, in truth, I’d never really given it much thought, my wedding day. Even after having been with Alex all that time. I could just never see it happening for myself.

“Not really.” I said, “How about you though? Can you picture yourself all kitted out and waiting at the end of that aisle?”

Jamie laughed, his eyes squinted. “Not too sure about that. I mean I like the sound of it, spending forever with someone and all, but I dunno who’d be brave enough to have me.”

I snorted as I clapped my cousin’s shoulder in condolence. “They’d have to be a tad bit mental, Jim. But they’d also be fucking lucky too. You’re a gooden.”

“Love you.” Jamie smiled as he enveloped me in another hug. He was a lot taller than me now so he all but squished me into his side, but I couldn’t bring myself to mind even as I jokingly shoved him away.

“Stop, you’ll ruin my hair and makeup.” I scolded lightly, wrinkling my nose.

Jamie just chuckled, “Since when have you cared about any of that crap?”

“Never.” I grinned back at him in retort, “Just didn’t want you sliming all over me, snail-face.”

“You’re a right fucking weirdo, you know that?”

“I do, Jim, I do.”

I fixed the side of my dress whilst my cousin just rolled his eyes, seemingly content with waiting beside me now.

When I’d made sure that I was still somewhat presentable, mostly for both my mother and sister’s sake, I allowed myself to reevaluate the rest of the oncoming arrivers. Still no sign of that date of mine.

I sighed quietly, checking the time on my phone again to make sure I hadn’t missed a text.

“You all good there?” Jamie questioned quietly after a few minutes, I looked up to find him staring down at me with a concerned frown. 

I hummed, “Fine, why?”

“Just seem a bit nervous, not like you that.”

I huffed a light laugh before shooting my cousin a somewhat strained smile. “Yeah, maybe a bit. It’s just I’m waiting for my date to arrive and-”

As I uttered that sentence Jamie’s eyes all but boggled out of his head, “You never said nowt about a date!”

I gave him a sheepish grin, I hadn’t really mentioned Matty to anyone. Only having allowed my sister to pass on the message that I wasn’t turning up completely alone to my mum. I’d not given much thought to anyone else’s reaction.

“Um, yeah.” I replied, feeling a little uncomfortable upon having to mentally decide whether I should let Jamie in on the truth or not. The kid had always been a massive blabbermouth though, he just couldn’t seem to help it, but I knew he’d understand wholeheartedly. “It's new, but it’s going good…”

Jamie’s smile was wide enough that I could practically see either side of his molars, a megawatt sort of thing.

Immediately I felt my stomach churn. There was that guilt again.

“I’m well chuffed for you, y/n/n! Can’t wait to meet the lucky fella- when’s he set to get here? Didn’t you come together? Where’d you even meet him, anyhow? Does y/s/n know you’re bringing him along?”

Fucking hell, what was with the twenty-one questions?

I swallowed thickly. I hadn’t realise how hard this was all going to be. Was the rest of the day going to be like this? All consuming guilt?

“Er, should be here soon enough, I think.” I found myself saying, playing with one of the rings on my left hand. “Something came up last minute- his mum needed him. Urgent, you know how it is… and he’s a right mummy’s boy that one! So I suggested he just meet me here, and well, he was grateful. Felt really bad though. Promised he wouldn’t be late and all that.”

Jamie seemed to be eating it up and just kept nodding along, making me feel as though I had to continue on.

“We actually met through y/s/n, weirdly enough. She introduced us when I’d popped round to surprise her a while back. He’s close with Adam, best mates and that. We just hit it off I guess.”

I silently cursed myself and my ability to not know when to stop. fucking. rambling. But I was too nervous to think up a believable enough lie and so I’d decided to just tangent off from the truth. It was close enough, I figured.

“Awh, I’m so happy for you, cuz. Congrats!” Jamie said, obviously thrilled for me, as he wrapped an arm around my shoulder and squeezed. “Know why you’re so wound up now, your mum will be on your case all night!”

We shared a laugh. Because wasn’t that the fucking truth.

I tried my hardest to hide my slight grimace though as I allowed my cousin to congratulate me. During a few shared conversations with Matty, we had thought up a convincing enough plan, but now that it was time to put it all into action I wasn’t sure we’d actually be able to pull it off. Especially with the reminder that we’d be lying to my mum of all people.

“Oh shit, there’s Laura! Best head on over.” Jamie suddenly announced, his eyes focused on a brunette in the distance, far enough that I had to squint to even make out who he was referring to. 

But before I could comment or question Jamie’s twenty/twenty vision, my cousin was already bouncing on the balls of his feet, all but ready to run off.

He turned to me before he did though, squeezing my shoulder slightly. “Make sure you come find me with this date of yours, yeah? Gotta make sure he meets the mark.” I smiled, a little touched. “But I truly am buzzing for you, y/n. After everything, you deserve someone good.”

My chest ached and as my cousin gave me one final grin I couldn’t help but feel a little like the grinch, my heart had to have shrunk to half its size at the very thought of having just lied to Jamie. 

I couldn’t linger too long on the regret I felt though as my phone buzzed in my hand. Immediately I peered down at it, chewing on my lower lip. 

As the screen lit up, I frowned. What the fuck had I gotten myself into?

Matty had just messaged, but before I could even think up a reply I heard a few of the other guests around me start to whisper. I glanced up and over to where I then heard a muffled squeal. I pulled a face as I watched one of my younger cousins, Arielle who’d just turned fifteen, jump behind Jordan, her older brother. 

I shook my head and pivoted slightly, eyes scanning over the rest of the guests who had yet to make their way into the chapel. A few of the women were openly staring down the gravel drive, gossiping amongst themselves, and I couldn’t not follow their gaze.

I was really confused, everyone’s attention seemed to be drawn towards the figure who was wandering closer. He was decent looking, I supposed, clad in a fitted tuxedo he'd paired with a black bowtie and an uncaring expression, but he was no James Dean. So I couldn’t quite get my head round why they were all so bothered.

As he grew nearer, I took in what I could. The dark narrowed eyes hidden beneath a pair of furrowed brows, the cropped cut of the hair he’d greased back, the handful of silver rings which cluttered his fingers. What caused me to pause though was the cigarette, which hung effortlessly from his bottom lip. Because, shit. 

Instantly my focus moved back down to where my phone screen was now dimming and I quickly tapped at the home screen to view the last message I’d been sent. 

Keep an eye out for the oncoming smoker, alright x

My heartbeat quickened, and my gaze flitted back and forth between the approaching figure and the text. Surely it couldn’t have been anyone else.

“Sweetheart?” A voice called out with a sure northern twang, erupting goosebumps up both of my arms. I glanced up.

Sure enough it was him, he’d been the only one to ever call me that.

My throat grew dry, “Fuck me.”

“Little early for that, I reckon. Heard about there being an open bar though, buy me a drink and we can talk again later, yeah?” The man ribbed, smirking as he plucked the fag from his lip. He drew closer and I was taken back a bit from how confident he appeared, almost identical to the way he seemed over the phone. But now in tenfold.

"God, sorry.” I laughed, covering my face with the back of my hand as I shook my head to try and cover my reddening cheeks. “Didn’t expect, well- this.” I added, only furthering my embarrassment by vaguely gesturing towards him.

Matty’s grin dimmed almost immediately then, and I frowned.

“Hang on, you are Matty, right? The same Matty I’ve been messaging for weeks. The guy who texts me at all hours of the night going on about how ripe a banana has to be before you can eat it… and who sends me little voice memos of theme tunes he’s rewritten so that they sound aesthetically more pleasing?”

The man looked confused for a moment, and his brown eyes surveyed me before he ultimately chuckled. I blinked at the sudden change in behaviour.

“Guess you could put it like that.” Matty laughed once more, this time a little more airily. And God, did I want to listen to it on repeat. I’d thought about it once or twice, what it would be like to hear him laugh, to listen to him talk. “Hope you weren’t half-expecting some model to come waltzing in here. I mean, I’m fit but I can only do so much, babe.”

It was said jokingly and though Matty was probably one of the most vainest people I’d had the pleasure of meeting, I also knew that there was some genuine apprehension in his eyes. Almost like he’d been both dreading and craving this moment as much as I had. 

“Fuck off! Model.” I scoffed, and laughed alongside him as I shook my head. But then I peered around at the few who were still staring and was now suddenly hyperaware of them all. I didn’t really think too much about it as I stepped in closer to shield him somewhat. “Christ, Matty. Feels like you’ve just walked off an album cover or something, with the way you’ve got everyone leering at you.”

And wow. I watched in slight disbelief as Matty scratched at the back his neck with a small, almost bashful smile. I took note of the small hoop he had cuffed around his lobe.

“Piss off.” The man chuckled, finding his feet again as he realised the proximity we now held. “Reckon they’re all looking at you though.” He commented, looking me over with a sly smile. “Hann painted a good picture, but you’ve exceeded all expectations, darling.” 

I couldn’t help but smirk, regaining my usual confidence. “Spent a lot of time thinking about me, have you Healy?”

Matty’s tongue darted out to wet his lower lip, his unlit cigarette dangling between his fingers in the small space that separated our bodies.

“You’d know all about that, babe. Your first words, if I do recall, were 'fuck me'. And though I’d be happy to comply with your reasonable request, I don’t think Adam, or your sister, would very much approve of me taking you in front of all these lovely people.”

I hummed mischievously, eyeing him. Yeah, this was my Matty alright.

“Can’t say I’ll come to regret those words.” Then, before Matty could even think up another retort, I wound my arm around his and started leading us in towards the chapel. “Best play the part, yeah?”

And I had to dampen my grin when I heard the man’s joyous laughter sound beside me. Ignoring all of the other onlookers to sneak a peak over at him, I found myself loving the squinted grin he made as he tucked his cigarette behind his ear.

This night would definitely be memorable.

Part two >

[taggedmemes]

SENTENCE MEME ⟶ IDK HOW BUT THEY FOUND ME / RAZZMATAZZ always feel free to tweak the sentence to fit your muse.

"Big shot, so what?"

"You took the money but the money couldn't buy a friend."

"I want you to leave me alone."

"They say the devil that you know is better than the devil that you don't."

"You're a big shot here but nobody else knows."

"Go fly a kite until you're tangled in the hanging tree."

"Four in the morning but we've having such a lovely time."

"Mad as a hatter with a dagger and a dollar sign."

"Tip your hat and break your mother's heart."

"When the sun comes up you'll find a brand new god."

"You'll never gonna stop me."

"I'm never gonna quit."

"Lose yourself inside the city."

"Lose your mind inside the week."

"We can live while we're alive."

"Come inside, twist the knife."

"I'm a voluntary victim."

"Watch your colonial tongue."

"I'll watch you tighten the noose."

"Don't you lose all your control."

"You can't get into heaven if you haven't got a soul."

"They'll replace you with machines."

"Paralyzed by the sum of your parts."

"Abstract with a human heart."

"I'm captivated, but I'm so confused."

"Come and see the opening band."

"No one likes an opening band."

"Chances are they won't go far."

"Career is sure to end."

"Unfamiliar things will make us nervous."

"You've got the devil on your shoulder."

"You better shut your mouth just like I told ya."

"You've been controlling me through fiction."

"I got to break you like a bad addiction."

"I can't say no, I'm losing control."

"I'm having bad dreams."

"Nothing you can do will keep the bad things away from me."

"Despite your good intentions."

"I am just the new invention."

"Feels like you're running out of holy places."

"It's a miracle I'm standing."

"You're dragging me back."

"You're beautiful and evil too."

"You're sinister and vile."

"For you I'd die, or kill myself."

"I'd swing from the gallows and wave."

"I'd carousel into my grave."

"You're right down vicious."

"I can't help it, but I still wish I was with you."

"I'm a teenage beauty queen of sorts."

"I'm calculated, cold, without remorse."

"Only if you'd like me, I could fall in love with you."

"You're a holy quarantine."

"Could it be that it's only in my head."

"Give me something more for my wild imagination."

"Tell me that you're more than a sick fascination."

"You're with me all the time."

"I don't care about anything at all."

"I know that girls like you don't come with guarantees."

"You've got to spend your time, won't you spend it with me?"

"I hope we kiss goodnight."

"It might just end my life."

"I'll be a gentleman, or you can show me the door."

"I don't want to spend my life with anyone else."

"Pardon me if I forget your name."

"Is that any way to talk to me."

"Corrupting the young with your uncivil tongue."

"What a shame if you misspeak now."

"I need you here."

"There is no other place in the world I would rather be."

"Can't you stay right here forever, pretty please?"

"Where do you go when you're not home?"

"If I'm out of line, just show me the door."

"Don't hold your breath for goodness sake."

"You've got parliaments filled with parasites."

"Let's go paint the town on our way home."

"The blinking lights are breaking bones."

"Then you have that good old fashioned razzmatazz."

"You broke my heart again."

"Some things just cannot be fixed with sparkled tongues and politcs."

"In a fascist little paradox, we all become anonymous."

"I would say I'm sorry if I thought that it would change your mind."

"I know that this time I have said too much."

"I've been too unkind."

"I tried to laugh about it."

"I covered it all up with lies."

"I tried to laugh about it, hiding the tears in my eyes."

"Boys don't cry."

"I would break down at your feet and plead forgiveness, but I know it's too late."

"There's nothing I can do."

"I would tell you that I loved if I thought you would stay."

"I misjudged your limits."

"I pushed you too far."

"I took you for granted."

"I thought you needed me more."

"I would do most anything to get you back at my side."

[themediummultiverseau]

Sorry I put the question in the wrong place before. What were the ghosts favorite holiday when they were alive?

(pretty sure you put it in the right place before! dont worry haha)

dream - i never really paid much attention to holidays, but there were some people in the village celebrated something they called "Litha," id see them light bonfires and dance, flowers woven into hair or fur, and i just remembered they looked so pretty and like they were actually having fun, but i dared not join in, not after my brothers death...

Dust - New years, i always saw it as a time to improve myself....make a new start and leave it all behind. Of course, that never happened, im such a failure, i could never improve

Killer - i was never raised very religious, but mum was, so i guess Eid ul-Fitr. We always had great sweets and i remember putting up pretty decorations, it always looked pretty and i just remember it being like, so cool

Horror - Christmas, spending time with my family and cooking a huge meal for them all to enjoy? Right up my alley! I always hosted, pretty much every year, and seeing the joy on my siblings face at the food that was so limited dressed up to be a meal fit for a king... It was just perfect!

Nightmare - I was always fond of All Hallows Eve. Once, i dressed myself up to be seen as a demonic spirit to scare some villagers scream, i can still see the look on their faces all these years later, and i could help those who were kind to me when they came to my door for offerings, of course, i couldnt let them know thats what i was doing. I did always enjoyed apple bobbing too... That always upset mother haha, something about it "disgracing our souls," never cared much myself honestly.

Ink - oh, huh? Holidays? uhhh, i dont know... Oh! Guy Fawks - Bonfire Night! I always made the guy to put on the bonfire, and fireworks are pretty too! Great to paint, and pretty simple haha! (Nightmare looks on in horror)

Error - Bah humbug - (Its christmas; he likes spending time with family, even if he doesnt want to admit it)

Geno - oh, i always liked boxing day, christmas was always so hectic, and the next day you got to just sit around and eat leftovers! I liked halloween too, we always went to the graveyard and lit candles for the graves, i always liked doing that.

Cross - ...Would it be silly to say St. George's Day? I grew up on those stories, and wanted to be like him when i grew up, a strong and noble soldier...

Lust - Valentines..... ( he used to give out wild flowers he picked to people on the streets as gifts, but he never found anyone who'd give one back...now he never will.)

Sans - not a ghost, but i think you can guess... (its april fools)

I really wanted to put a variety of holidays in here, but i myself am pagan and brought up in a mostly christian country, so if i messed up with anything, im sorry, it was not my intention - also, i put a bunch of holidays that are only celebrated over here in the uk, i didnt really think about it, and now there here - this au is mostly based on british history, because thats what im familiar with, and most of my historical knowledge is just from my own head, but theyre not really british, they live in some weird world that doesnt really exist so idk, think what you will haha

ii was not sure what i wanted to draw here, and it ended up being nothing - but theres a change i might add some at a later date)

Thank you for your support decadentroadmakerturtle, it means the world! :)

[voidcandle]

long, rambling diary entry below. idk if any of it necessitates a cw but if it does please let me know.

the near daily realization and reminder of how most of my life has been spent barely holding it together as my brain required more and more energy just to go through the day, meaning everything else on top of that was drinking from a well barely able to sustain itself.

for one reason or another or all of them at the same time ive spent nearly my entire life barely being able to just be much less be more than just a quiet, lonely, well-behaved, pleasure-to-have-in-class, good-enough-grades kid.

spending every day barely being able to fight off the constant impulse for flight while trying to get through every painful step of just being alive.

having to get through it with no awareness or understanding or compassion of all of it.

until one day at a routine check-up, my doctor asked me if i was experiencing any anxiety, as they normally do, and, too exhausted to maintain the the self-delusion that no really im okay dont worry about me, I said yes.

and he prescribed me a low dosage anti-anxiety medication and really recommended i start seeing someone for help.

and i started feeling better.

and realizing that, no, im not okay and, yes, please, someone worry about me in a way that means i get help.

so i did start seeing someone for help, and i started getting on medication to help get my depression under control. and then i started seeing someone else and i tried out different medications, eventually finding a cocktail that really, really helped.

and then the next person took my concerns about me potentially having adhd seriously. finally, for the first time in my life, someone who could help me saw the specific ways i was struggling and took it seriously. so i took the assessment.

and i finally had confirmation that, yes, i needed help in a specific way and it wasn't all my fault. i was doing the best i could. and somehow i had made it to 30. and i did more than just make it. i accomplished important things.

im not "normal." i do need more help than many others. and that's okay. and im so happy to finally know im not just a broken person who used up all the goodness they had in them.

and now i have to live the rest of my life wondering

why didn't anyone notice? why didn't anyone try to help? how much did i miss out on, ruin, let rot away?

and im not sure if it just takes a long time or if i'll never really be able to get over it, and if the latter is the case, then how can i learn to live with it?

even on my good days, i can often feel myself putting everything i have into barely holding myself together. i can't maintain proper hygiene. i cant feed myself as much as i need to. i cant do the things i need to do, and sometimes not even what i want to do. i have to continue wrapping the building together in webs as it gets closer and closer to falling apart, and hope the entire time that it'll be okay before i run out so it stays together.

[kiwiwinjindouche]

hiiii show your dh ocs!! (if you want to ofc)

YES YES YES!!!!! (thank youuuuu)

They're on ToyHouse too (just Octave is hidden and Nelly you have to be logged or idk cuz I have some things to change)

i'm about to kill myself I was almost done with the post and then lost everything

Aldina's story contains spoilers from the last book, The Veiled Terror!

(also this is set in the AU where Jindosh lives because the denial is real, and they almost all met him at some point too omg my love for this man is showing a lot)

I have a lot to say about some of them, so left to right =>

Sybill Howlet (SH)

I'm obsessed with Sherlock Holmes too and this was a way for me to combined two things I like, even her name is a ref to Sherlock!

She's from Dunwall, she was living in the streets with her sister but they lost each other a long time ago. The Bottle Street Gang was her family (Slackjaw went to father figure to friend over time). Then, one day, Archibald (Vinz's dad (see later)) found her and got impressed by her thinking and mind, and decided to take her out of the streets and help her use her full potential. Soon enough, the Outsider took great interest into her, and started to visit her dreams and help her find little secrets about everyone. He never gave her his mark.

When the Coup occurred, she left Dunwall a few weeks, only to come back and finish her current cases then leave once again but for Karnaca this time. That's when she heard about Billie's actions and omg what a queen. The Bank Job? such a masterpiece, outstanding, amazing. She loved following her trail around the city, trying to understand what she was looking for. She met Jindosh because of this, cuz she wanted to talk to him about the break-in. She enjoys quite a lot to annoys him (and just to roast people).

Aldina/Al

Her parents were nobles/friends with Luca, but she always despised him a lot actually. She prefers women company, and that's how she found out she was lesbian. The only man she never really hated was Jindosh, because she likes the Clockwork Soldiers. Her biggest inspiration was the witches, tho. She loved going to the Conservatory and spend time with Breanna, she wanted SO MUCH to meet Delilah, to be part of the Coven, to join them!!!! it was her biggest dream. But then, what?? Corvo comes and the witches are now gone.

Old men are so BORING.

Later, when the Outsider was no more, her parents died because of the nightmares. Then, she wondered alone on the streets, and kind of managed to fix a Clockwork Sentinel because the main program and such were still in good condition. That is how and when Jindosh met her for the first time. He took her to his mansion, thinking she could be of some use, and taught her some things too. Al' likes to creep behind the walls and scares the staff by singing lullabies and sea shanties.

Everything was fine, until Corvo came back. She wanted SO BADLY to kill him, to rip off his skin, to boil him alive, for what he's done to her, to the witches, to Delilah, to her first found family, to her broken dreams. She wanted so badly to do it, then found out Jindosh cared about him. She's making a very lot of efforts to accept the fact that the man who destroyed her hopes and dreams is now part of her new family, and eventually she'll come to terms with it... many years later.

Thanks to the Void stones in her arm, she can use a little magic, but it's very complicated. Jindosh likes to call her "little mouse", and she's friend with rats. Also she steals Jindosh's stuff a lot and likes to spend time with Alex'.

Vincent/Vinz MacIntosh

Archibald MacIntosh is a private detective from Morley, after a failed attempt at the Academy. He married a tailor, who died cuz of the plague, and likes to paint too. He worked with the City Watch for some time.

As for Vinz, he got inspired by his father, but decided to become a journalist instead (not like it was less dangerous, moreover he's working with one if not the most dangerous gang in Karnaca, needless to say it worries his father a lot). Anyway, Vinz came to Karnaca a few years before the Coup, and he's more than happy to be part of this major history event. Because of his father's past and everything he was taught, he recognized Corvo quite easily, and tried his best to convince him NOT TO KILL JINDOSH. Because, yeah, Vinz is a HUGE fan of Jindosh's works.

The silvergraph? omg THIS IS SO COOL to illustrate the news or just have portraits of people! The audiograph? perfect to record things and testimonies! The Clockwork Soldiers? They're not really worse than the Tallboys back then, and they could be useful too!! for, like, THE FUCKING BLOODFLIES??? people of Karnaca have more chances to get killed by the bloodflies than the Clockwork Soldiers. It's not like Jindosh was kidnapping children to torture them and eat their organs??? He's killing INTRUDERS in his very OWN HOUSE. How are thieves treated at Dunwall Tower, I wonder?????

Anyway, Vinz likes to draw and to listen to Jindosh ranting about his inventions, trying his best to understand.

(Archibald doesn't have a clean ref but he's not really important anyway)

And then, I don't have much about them.

Nelly

She's a maid at the Clockwork Mansion, and quickly became friend with Aldina. The two of them like to prank the others and going out. I think, at some point, Nelly will leave the place and do something else. It's not like she has a bad treatment - Jindosh barely knows about her, mostly thanks to Aldina (also she's the maid I make appear when I need someone in the mansion) - it's just she wants to do something else. Going on a trip maybe. I have to think about it. Btw, she's from Serkonos, and knows many things about Corvo because he's such a legend there, everyone knows about him. She probably likes to cook.

Caleb

He's a grumpy old man from Tyvia, but he lived most of his younger years in Baleton. He went to prison, but soon entered the navy when the choice's been given to him. They weren't expecting him to last this long. Now, he's pretty strong, and would like to have a fight with the Royal Protector to test his limits. Caleb likes poetry and the sea.

Octave Hearly

He's also from Morley. Octave is into cartoon and cinema, mostly. When he heard about Jindosh's work on the silvergraph and the "moving images", his heart skipped a beat and he decided to join him and work with him on all this.

[aberrant-winter]

Murder Drones experience- Word Count: 615

Hi nobody will prolly read dis and that's good it's great it's fantastic so nobody can see my stupid ramblings

Anyway

When i join a new fandom i'm usually super chill, i search a few drawings to feed on look at, if i can i draw the characters i like tge must but i usually do that wayyy later like weeks the months or years or never

And i never make ocs, i did make a Peppiclone oc but It's because everyone else's obsession with Pizza Tower kinda dragged me down as well but i never liked PT THAT MUCH. It's cool but i don't love it with my entire soul and go apeshit every time i see PT stuff

Maybe it's because i mostly stay in old fandoms and i probably was obsessed with them a lot as a kid but over time the intrest faded and faded to the point where i don't "LOVE" it anymore, i just like It

B U T with Murder Drones i finally felt this again. It's been years since i liked something so much, more than 7? Prob

And i kinda forgot how it felt! So now i'm lost and confused and i keep on asking myself if it's normal or if i should be locked up in an asylu-

So. Didn't vibe with Murder Drones cuz it was too popular and seemed like a cringey thing. Then i saw an incredibile Murder Drones animation and thought.. fine whatev i'll try and i was ABSOLUTELY BLOWN AWAY. Didn't expect that at all

Watched the full season and immediately drew my favorite character. With other fandoms it takes weeks to do that

Watched the entire season a second time and then i doodled even more characters (in another fandom it would take YEARS or i would not do that at all)

Searched many fan arts to feast on to satisfy my immense hunger of MD content

Considered the idea of making an oc (i usually never do that-)

Considered the idea of buying a plushie (all the official merch plushies i have are either gifts or from ages ago and i have a smol amount lke very very smol and only characters)

Watched the entire season A THIRD TIME

And considered the idea of making a MD Diorama/ Bendy wire posable figure

I only made dioramas with fandoms i've been in more than 2 years and the posable figs are all just fnaf. And uhh yeah that fandom is old as fuk)

All of this happened in LESS THAN A WEEK-

And with any other fandom it would have been wayyyyyy slowerrr

I went batshit crazy super sayan mode and i still am-

It's concerning and i don't know how to make this stop

If i should try to stop myself or embrace It

I mean- this is great tho! I'm usually very low on motivation. I don't do shit and spend the entire day watching YouTube

With Artfight i have a bit more motivation but with MD too

I finally feel... Alive

Like i genuiley enjoy what i'm making instead of forcing myself to draw random things just to do something

Most of the time i'll be like "try to draw this character because idk just do It to pass the time" it feels forced . For some reason and i don't even know why

But now it's "OMG!!! this character is so cool i have to draw it! I absolutely want to see how it would look like in my art style and all the fun poses i could do! Sadly it's kinda hard to draw but that's fine. Just practice and ur good"

[streettealee]

Not to out myself as PB Choices: Stories You Play trash because I've been in a love/hate relationship with that app since I was like 13 and began with The Crown & The Flame (I feel like we should count online visual novels as able to shape the stories we write because somehow Choices has), buuut the way Prince Aerin in Blades of Light and Shadow reminds me of James Herondale fucks me up. My guy is literally a major antagonist of the first book and, admittedly, I did not spend the diamonds to track him down and bring him to Whitetower prison, so now I'm hoping he turns up later in the game (alive), AND IF HE HAS A REDEMPTION ARC AND THE ROMANCE THAT WAS AVAILABLE IN THE FIRST BOOK COULD PICK UP AGAIN, I WILL NOT COMPLAIN. Except maybe about how I committed myself to romancing Tyril and so then I'd feel awful about pursuing Aerin, but then if Aerin is available... IDK what I'll do. It's like he was designed to be the guy that worms into my heart. He has honey golden brown eyes, the most lovely dark mess of curls, godforsaken pale vampire skin, and he's a nerd and I truly believe he was once a good man with good intentions before the Shadow Court got to him.

Anyway, I hate the direction PB has gone with most of their books and it's why I wasn't on the app for ages again (always a dry spell). Someone's probably already said it but they really went from having diverse genres coming out all the time to leaning heavily into the NSFW category (as a genre rather than simply an element of another genre if you paid diamonds for those extra choices in romantic moments). I think they're just following the trend though of smutbooks in general and which of their books have been most popular (if I have to see any more The Royal Romance promotion, I'm going to kick a man) but even that wasn't NSFW in genre, just cheesy romance. But it's no secret booktok trends favour the spicy books traditionally published and so it makes sense why PB writes their own. I mean, they literally have a spicy fae one now (I played The Cursed Heart, yes, but for diamonds so I wasn't spending on the actual NSFW scenes that the book intends readers to indulge in).

I replayed Endless Summer and I will forever be mad that Kele was only a romance option for Quinn and not MC. Jake is my love and I adore Estela (but honestly female!Lancelot in Guinevere (a book I became obsessed with) made me well and truly fall in love with the muscly-woman-with-long-dark-hair-and-stoicism character type that I think they both share) BUT KELE. HE IS SO CUTE. WE WERE ROBBED.

Anyway, Endless Summer demonstrates I have a history of falling for the character that shows up halfway through books/series, and it does not help that Aerin's appearance reminds me of James Herondale, my greatest fictional crush. I don't know what to do. Hell, I'm tempted to replay Book 1 so that I can get that scene with Aerin in Book 2 Chapter 2 that I saw someone else had. For now, my fingers are crossed and I'm hoping to see him again later on in the updates.

[altschmerzes]

Hi! For some reason, your Locked Tomb resurrection story has constantly been on my mind ever since I first read it a few weeks ago. I don't have an Ao3 account (yet) so it took me a while to find the fic (once the brain worms got too intense and I knew I had to reread or I would go insane)- but I am so glad I did!

A bunch of my jumbled thoughts about it:

Marta is suddenly a really interesting character?? I will admit, she didn't really captivate me that much when I read the actual books but the way she's portrayed in this fic made me abruptly care a lot about her. I'm really curious to see how she will contribute to the story going forward

Magnus and Abigail, on the other hand, I did very much care about on the first read of TLT and your fic only made me love them more! IDK what it is about their characterization, I just felt like they brought a very distinct warmth to the scenes, and it made the moments where their grief shows through all the more poignant. Their relationship with the fourth house teens is obviously completely heartbreaking (one thing that each of the reunion scenes with them had in common was that they all made me fucking cry) and it just makes for the perfect combination of hurt and healing. It's the amount of love and care that they have for those kids and the way that it pains them to see them suffering- more importantly it's the fact that you wrote a story that could make me feel this way about people who aren't even real. So much talent T_T

There is too much hate in this fandom directed towards one (1) child cult leader with serious issues, and it sure isn't Harrow

Your story is one of the few that actually aligns with my interpretation of Silas Octakiseron. And does it well. The guilt and the repression and the need to repent for every action and the justifications...it all shows up in the way that you wrote him, and it shows up perfectly. I honestly don't know what you're going to do with Silas next, but whatever it is I know that it will be cleverly devised and I cannot wait.

Harrow....baby....I can't even

She's so alone and just completely undone by Gideon's loss...any fics that take place right after the conclusion of Gideon the Ninth must be hard to tackle because of how apparent Gideon's absence is. It manifests itself in so many ways in this one, but in Harrow most of all. She's lost her sense of purpose, and so she needs another one. She finds an anchor in the task of resurrecting people, and she seems to be at least alive on a functional level right now- but it does make me wonder what will happen after all of this is done. Where will Harrow even go? What will she do? Will she have the strength to do anything any more, or will she spend the rest of her life repenting for all of the ways in which she failed Gideon?

(Silas parallels, yet again ^^^)

The only minor complaint I have about this story at all is that the timeline is kind of confusing (probably just a me thing TBH. I don't read into this stuff very well) and I don't really get how much time passes between each of the resurrections. Like is it only a few hours or a day or so etc.?

And I have so many more thoughts. My brain is literally about to split. Now you can see why this could not fit into a single Ao3 comment

In conclusion: absolutely scrumptious fic, nourished the Locked Tomb brain worms more than sufficiently and managed to go beyond recommended levels of both hurt and comfort just to spite me, an inferior author of both, with how it can be done near perfectly. The day that the next chapter comes out I will become the absolute most annoying version of myself and it may even be enough to cure my depression. Or make it worse. Either works, as long as it's as remarkable as everything you've written so far!!

SO SORRY IT TOOK ME SO LONG TO ANSWER THIS i had like paragraphs typed out and then my page refreshed and i had to wallow in misery for a week

ANYWAYS. thank you for this. thank you so so so so much for this. this message is beyond delightful, i am so floored that my little story has been enough to spark this many thoughts in you. i'm responding at length to the stuff you've said (AGAIN. THANK YOU FOR IT. I GO NUTS FOR THE ABILITY TO TALK ABT MY PROJECTS LIKE THIS) so it's under a cut because it got,,,, long sldkf

marta!!!! i'm SO glad that she's a character i've made you care about in this fic, and that my take on silas strikes true for you. those two are my little pile of personal high investment blorbos. the second and the eighth are My Little Guys and i'm absolutely obsessed. they weren't there much in the books, for obvious reasons, but what WAS there got me so good and now i can't stop rotating them in my brain. i keep waffling on whether my take on silas particularly makes.... sense? so i'm always thrilled to hear when someone enjoys my presentation of him.

especially bc that like....... captivates me. the parallels between silas and harrow, both that exist and that sit sorta just past the presented in what can be extrapolated. it makes me want to chew drywall. the parallels, the reflections. (the siken quote right - they are the same and they are not the same. they are the same and they hate each other for it.) i could write one million words about these two and then write one million more after that. this fic is a little window into all of my very big and very complicated feelings about silas and harrow and the potential of putting them in a room and making them deal with each other. augh.

AND THE FIFTH...... i'm SO glad they had the impact i wanted them to here, that was part of why i sent abigail with harrow in her journeys through the penumbra. i'm a big believer in dark or sad or difficult stories needing moments to breathe and take a second, to show that there ARE good things in this world and this life. it makes the absence of those things or when the sources of those things are hurt hit that much harder. i'm SO thrilled i could manage to get you to feel even MORE abt them and their relationship with the fourth. that whole thing makes me SO upset especially getting to contrast the fifth and the way they interact with the fourth and how the fourth view them back, and how they've impacted the fourth's view of the world. and then the way that the other teens and young people around here - you've got 17 year old harrow, 16 year old silas, 18 year old gideon, judith is in her early 20s, even the sixth are like. baby years old and they're doing better than some of the others but oy vey.

the fourth feel so much different than the others and it's not just about their age, they're not that much younger than harrow. silas is only two years older than jeannemary. they're so different and it's not because they're so young, though that is a factor. it's that they're young in a way that harrow and gideon, and by extrapolation the others, just never got to be. because they had magnus and abigail, and that made a world of difference. im SO deep in my feelings about it 100% of the time.

about the timeline - i promise that's a bigol 'it's not you it's me' moment sdlkfjsd, that's my big flaw in writing XD i can either nail down the setting or the timeline but never both. if i have a coherent setting, i have no idea what day it is. if i have a concrete timeline woven into the narrative, the country it's set in slips out of my hands. such is the way!! at any rate, i don't even know what the timeline really is, but it's way closer to a couple of hours between resurrections at most.

again, seriously, thank you so so so so so so much for this. i can't put into words how beyond delighted this made me, and i've been reveling in it since i got it. the next chapter should be coming out soon (though i know i sound like a broken record about that by now lmao) and i really hope you enjoy it when it does!!! and i know this was a joke but don't let anything i've written discourage you from your own writing! i feel the same way so much of the time about other stuff i've read, and it feels so much better to turn it into motivation. like oh this is exactly what i want to do, what makes this work for me? etc. anyways. thank you so much, again. i'm so thrilled you liked it enough to write me a message like this about it. really, really made my week.

[the-anonymous-vent-blog]

Idk man. I just need to scream to something or someone. I'm good at art. That's what I've been told. That's what i believe. That's what I spend most of my time doing. So tell me why the hell does everything I draw look like shit? I've tried dozens of times on a simple face and can't get anywhere. I know it sounds stupid, but if I'm not good at anything I do, I have no purpose. Every time I pick up a pencil I am filled with the urge to just rip chunks of skin off. But I can't do that, sadly. I'm trying to be clean but it's fucking hard when everything I do looks like shit. Everything I do I mess up in one way or another. I can't keep a job, I can't keep friends, I make everyone annoyed at me cause I'm fucking annoying, I can't commit to anything, I make my parents wishing I was different, I can't starve myself without caving, I cant purge, and I can't even hurt myself right. I kid you not, the only reason I haven't committed yet is that IM A FUCKING COWARD. IM SCARED TO. I'm stuck as me. Stupid little me that can't do shit and I can't escape. I just need to destroy something to get the anger out or something.

Sorry for throwing this all at you, btw lol

Hey man, it may seem hopeless to try and change, but I promise you can.

I'll address everything in the order you brought it up, so just bear with me here.

First of all, realise that everything looks like shit. Like, genuinely. You can pick and prod at the imperfections in all of the world's greatest artworks and find something wrong or something you think could have been done better. Try it! Everything is an ugly mess of colors and features melting together to create a hopefully intelligible scene. Beauty is genuinely in the eye of the beholder.

Also, get comfortable with failure. Revel in it. Do it on purpose.

Secondly, when it comes to keeping a job, I can't say I've got experience in that either, so don't feel too bad about it. Everyone's suffering in the current job market, so the faults not all yours.

Third, when it comes to keeping friends, I'll always give this one piece of advice: Get comfortable being alone. I've got a grand record of three friendships lasting longer than 2 years. One of them I'm not as close to them as I was at the beginning of our friendship. Of course, reach out to others. But when it's inevitable, choose to be alone.

Fourth, being annoying really isn't that bad. You're probably less annoying than you believe you are, and even then people love annoying. Like class clowns who are always surrounded by people laughing, or youtubers taking in millions by being obnoxious. They're annoying yet people love them anyways. Maybe because they're annoying. You just got to be confident in it. You will find people who love you anyways.

Fifth, it's most definitely a good thing you can't commit to self harm. That fear is a healthy thing, and a good thing too if it keeps you alive. I was too cowardly to die a long time ago, the same as you.

If you want to change, you must do so as a coward. You need to know who you want to be, something new you want to try, or habits you want to develop. Start easy, with something that requires the least amount of preparation or can be done on a whim, and throw yourself in the deep end. Make a decision and do it scared. Do it crying if you must. Sink or swim, and I cannot tell enough you will fail again and again.

You've just gotta remember there's a future where you're happy.

Lean on the people and things that can help you. You've gotta prioritize that happy future. Try to hang on to the small good things you have, because it will take forever to change. It takes years to see the smallest change, but it will happen.

Lastly, destroying something is a good idea. Expand on that. Can personally attest to wrecking things being an effective form of stress relief and anger management. Go hit trees and tear apart plants. Get a punching bag or just play videogames where you get to shoot stuff. Seriously, its good.

[ilaiyayaya]

🤔i don't know what to do now.

I was gonna look into getting HRT, and I'm probably still gonna do that pretty soon, but then my car died and I had to spend nearly 4k on a new one, which luckily I saved enough to where I'm still fine, but it did completely interrupt my streak of productivity towards doing trans stuff. On top of that, having to be around both my father and one of my uncles almost every day for the last 2 weeks to deal with said car has caused a massive drop in mental health and I've especially been in kill mode for the last 48 hours, which makes it kinda hard to get anything else done.

Overall tho, getting a car now is probably a net positive, I'm not gonna have to worry about panicking to get a car as quickly as possible after I moved out because if my old one had died after I left, but before I was able to get a new one, I would've probably been really fucked. Not great timing to happen at this exact moment though.

And on the topic of moving out, I don't really have any reason to not just move to an entirely different state now. I'm not entirely sure where to move, wherever it is, realistically it'll probably be relatively short-term, but every reason I had before to stay in my current area is kinda gone, I have a car now and thus won't have to worry as much about dying on the road while driving 500,000,000,000 kilometers to another state, I pretty much exclusively talk to all of my friends online now, even the ones that I do live near, so that won't really change much, I kinda hate my job now and have been heavily considering quitting since like, November so like, don't really care to stay here just for that. The only real reason I have to stay here is that living expenses are fairly cheap, but this is far from the only area in the country where that's the case, and I know there are other places that are even cheaper. My reasons for needing to leave keep increasing too, the core general reason is just, my family live here, and I want most of my family dead (and some of them want me dead too!) but more specifically, my mother almost certainly knows I'm still living here by this point, I learned about 6 months ago that she had moved back here after being in another state for the last 5 years, and while I'm not in contact with her at all, it's not unlikely that she's heard from someone else that I'm here, possibly even where I work or any other information, and her knowing literally anything about my current location pretty much puts a timer on my life because she really does not want me to be alive. Tension with the rest of my family has also gotten significantly worse in the last few months (which is largely my fault but like, what am I supposed to do, not tell my uncle to kill himself???), which really I don't care much about, most of them I normally see 5 times per year max, and even the few I do see more often than that have extremely little impact on my life, but the bigger concern is that a couple of them have definitely, at least to some degree, caught onto me being trans. Or maybe they just think I'm gay but like either way it's a potential problem for me, my family is extremely bigoted (the uncle I told to kill himself literally prompted me to say that by going on a massive rant about electric cars being bad because, something about them all being made by f*gs??? idk being in the same room as that man is like being in the same room as a stereotypical 4chan user, but like, the worst kind) (that uncle btw is not one of the relatives that have probably caught onto me being trans, he is so incredibly dense that I could probably directly tell him I'm trans myself and he probably just like, wouldn't even process it and then somehow use it as an opportunity to tell me to remove all of my money from the banks because the blog he read says joe biden is gonna pass a bill tomorrow that makes banks disappear). Biggest reason why I think some of them know is because a couple of them (one in particular, a different uncle than the one i told to kill himself) have really started to enjoy bringing up conversation topics related to trans and gay people, and my answer is always just complete neutrality, but in a way where it is so extremely obvious that I am just trying to say whatever gets them to shut the fuck up. If any of them, or especially my father who I currently live with, had 100% concrete proof that I'm trans, it would become completely insufferable, I would actually end up murdering one of them within a week I am certain of it, even just being in the same area and them knowing where I live, they would make my life hell immediately, and I'd really rather just not deal with that, and it's really hard to fully cut contact with those people if I'm living in the same town as them, even if I try to.

Another one of the other reasons I had for just getting an apartment where I currently live was that I had a few options for potential roommates, which would make paying rent a lot easier, but that's not the case anymore, some of those options went away once I came out as trans, some I am absolutely not comfortable with living with anymore, a few have since found other roommates or just moved out on their own, and the rest are all just other miscellaneous reasons. I don't really have any viable options for roommates in other states either, but since I don't have any here either, it doesn't really make much of a difference. I technically do know people elsewhere that would probably be willing to live with me, the problem is they're all either in other countries, which I'd be fine with eventually, but not right now, or they're in texas or florida, so, so many in texas and florida, texas especially, why is everyone i know in texas i am not moving to texas especially when most of the people i know that already live there hate it. so yea I'm pretty much on my own unless I want to move to the UK or Texas and I'm not doing that, luckily I expected and prepared for this so I should be fine financially for at least 1 year even on my own, even if it's not ideal. Financially I'm probably fine moving somewhere else, the main concern is everything else cuz like, I'm dumb. and stupid. and incompetent. and i fuck everything up and am bad at everything. Me being stupid and incompetent still applies to living the same state i currently do but like, 🤔idk i just feel like i'd be more likely to have actual consequences for being a massive fuckup somewhere that isn't here. But like yea I'm an idiot.

I don't even know where I would move, for the last few months I was looking into apartments with the intent of temporarily living here for like 6 more months, but again, new car, no more reasons to stay, I think it'd kinda just be a waste of 6 months at this point. But if I commit to moving to a different state I'll have to completely restart the process of searching for an apartment, except it'll be even harder because I don't even know where to look for an apartment at, like I don't know where I want to go I just know I can't be here for much longer. Plus moving states probably requires a bunch of paperwork stuff, like, I probably need a new license for that state and like uhhh new bank account because the current bank i use only has locations in this state and i don't know how hard all of that stuff is to do, like I said I'm a stupid idiot that's incompetent and dumb and should die. Guess I'll die then cause as I've been writing this I'm becoming more and more committed to the idea of just saying fuck it and leaving, I have no clue how much longer it'll take to find a place and get everything sorted out in order to move states but like, if I stay in this town for another 6 months or more like my original plan I am absolutely going to end up killing myself, and that would not be fun so I'd rather not do that.

Idk whether it'd be better to just start hrt after finding another place, or go back to trying to get it now, because on one hand finding somewhere in another state could potentially take a lot longer than it would've taken to find a place in this town and each month that goes by without me being on estrogen is another month closer to the guillotine, but also if I try starting hrt immediately after I move out it'd just be adding to the pile of things to be stressed about because I'd be going through the whole process of trying to get it while also trying to figure out everything else. I was trying to list reasons why both starting hrt now, and starting hrt later have downsides, but I think I literally just gave reasons for why starting hrt later would be bad, but like trust me there are reasons why looking into getting it now would also be hard and potentially bad, it's fine it's fine I have the excuse of being kinda tired and extra mentally ill after just getting out of one of the worst meltdowns I've ever had over the last 24 hours so like it's fine if everything I say is completely incomprehensible verbal slop I get the free pass to be unhinged right now if you yell at me for being insane right now you're being mean and unfair and i'll cry. Mods decipher what anything said in this entire multi-paragraph rant means even I, the writer, the author, the director, the lead actor, do not understand what literally any of it means. I should probably sleep but mania hittin too hard to do so so instead time to listen to the Colress battle theme on loop and walk in circles (a normal tuesday (chewsday innit)).

I am so confused

[traumasurvivorshelpingsurvivors]

cw a but political kinda, ableism, elitism, most -isms

I was watching this video about ppl who need financial support from the state (because their job doesn't pay enough) and one guy was an ambulance driver and ppl in the comments were furious "someone who contributes to society should be paid enough and not need support!!" (which is true) but the stress was on the "contributes to society" (gets lost in the translation) and that's an opinion most ppl have.

I am mentally (so, invisibly) disabled (and decided not to work although I could, for some hours a week, but to prioritise therapy and getting better) and I disagree that you need to do anything to deserve a good life. But I am afraid of such people. I know they wouldn't deem me of worthy of a happy life (and I really really strive to have such, to balance my childhood out). And that makes me very anxious. My country is in a... changing progress. And it could change either to the left or the right (we are middle now but sure as hell won't stay for long). And even "moderately conservatives" are becoming so hateful and aggressive (I just read several books about that because it's a well known issue). They want to stop any governmental support for anyone and make more changes that will harm disabled ppl (and single parents, immigrants etc pp). This is not theory, they are talking about "Ah well, yeah, ppl from working class should lose their right to vote" in talkshows, I shit you not!

And I am afraid that that will happen soon.

All people in my country became so fucking hateful during the last few years, everyone fights and tread inferiors underfoot. Everyone believes, they are sooo superior. My dad is a worker, never was anything else, but he sympathises with his boss (who gave him 4 burnouts and is not paying him properly) and bullies his fellow workers and gets them kicked out. My mom has a job for now 5 years after being unemployed for many more years and she's constantly talking shit about unemployed ppl, as if she forgot she was one of them, not so long ago. And she was a normal person and the others are too.

And most ppl are like that. Everyone has become racist, sexist, antisemitic and ableist and everything else. Just so fucking hateful and that makes me afraid, not just for myself. Actually, I rarely worry about myself so today this stroke me. That I need to worry about myself too. Take ppl just hate me and think I don't deserve a happy life.

Idk what I expect. I needed to tell this someone, who might understand.

⭐ And Bun, you are doing a great job, take care of yourself! ⭐

Hi anon,

It sounds like your parents have internalized a lot of the, I wanna say propaganda, that your country promotes regarding worth being tied to employment status. I can see how that affects you as someone with various disabilities.

I wish we could live in a world where we could spend our precious time the way we want to, and not become a servant in a meaningless, boring job. We have one life, we should enjoy it the best we can.

I hate hate. You don't deserve to feel afraid. Everyone (generally speaking) deserves a happy life by virtue of being alive, yourself included.

You are valid.

I hope I could help. Thank you so much for the comment at the end. Please let us know if you need anything.

-Bun

[srlkiller]

my mom is up to some shady shit… i need to jus say fuck everything n take her to court to sort it all out 4 good. from now on im gonna move in silence.. im gonna gather all my evidence & meet w the ppl i need to meet w. in 2023 im going to live for me, no one else. if you have parents that love you… please realise how truly blessed you are. i am so envious of those of u who do, that’s all ive ever wanted. idk what my parents are up to.. but i jus know it’s not good. i couldn’t imagine ever treating my child this way… n going around acting like some kind of ‘amazing mom’ knowing full well that u couldn’t care less if i was alive or dead lmao. we jus had a conversation about how much money SHE would get if i died… that’s how fucked up she is. i am being so serious when i say this. if i die… she did it. she knows the EXACT amount that she will get from my death.. she knows the terms in which i have to die in order to collect the money. she told me if i kill myself she doesn’t get anything so if I plan to ‘commit suicide anytime soon’ atleast make it look like it was accidental or from other causes so that she can collect.. who the fuck says that shit to their child? while laughing. she’s serious.. she’s said it many many times & tells me when ‘my policy changes’. im not being dramatic. im 10000% sober & keeping it that way.

what’s worse is that my dad has been texting her about his own ‘death beneficiary’ & asked for my full name??? i was already on his will so im almost positive that they are conspiring (she would have said something to make him do it - most likely so that i don’t get any of his money or his house??? which is SO FUCKED UP like WTF) together to basically take me off of it & put her on it. they’ve been divorced since i was not even 2 years old. how evil can someone be… all she gives a fuck about is MONEY. ive never been like that.. im sentimental. i spent all my $$ on the ppl i love n they all fucked me over. i still.. to this day.. buy her whatever she wants.. anything she likes.. just to try & get her to be nice to me… to pay me some attention.. to spend time w me.. it works for about 30 seconds if that. she usually RETURNS my gifts for the cash bc she knows how much money i have spent on her. she doesn’t buy me a single gift for any fucking thing. yet id still give her the world if I could. i hate myself for it. i will NEVER FORGET my dad calling me around the time my nan was dying and telling me how much of a piece of shit i am & saying that im “nothing but a fucking bitch” bc my mom straight up lied to him n told him the only reason i talk to/see my dad is so that when he dies I’ll be able to get his house & money. LIKE WTF. she saw my dad one day when he came to visit my nan & he mentioned he started seeing some girl & the first thing she did was run home & tell me.. “you better start talking to ur father more.. he has a gf now so ur gonna end up w none of his money when he dies.” i was like where the fuck did that even come from… who thinks like that… who says that shit to their only child about their kids father???

he wasn’t sick.. he wasn’t dying… but i immediately panicked n thought something was wrong. that’s all i cared about. n she was like no he’s fine just though u should seriously rethink talking to him more before he changes his will…… i was like I DONT GIVE A FUCK ABOUT HIS WILL OR HIS MONEY???!!??!! so this makes COMPLETE SENSE for her to do to me… total sense. i should have seen this coming. especially from her. i jus never expected it from him.. but she’s so manipulative & has him twisted around her little finger now to the point where she’s somehow convinced him that this is ‘what is best’. she’s already stolen all of my own money… she took the money that my nan left me when my nan died. hid it in a secret bank account & most likely has already spent it (BUT I BET MY FAMILY DONT KNOW THAT RIGHT?! NOR DO THEY KNOW HOW SHE RLLY IS BC SHE ACTS FAKE AF) now she’s trying to take over my dads shit n he’s too blind to see wtf she’s doing. this is so fucking upsetting. like wtf…………….. who the fuck does this. then goes around talking shit about me to every family member?? to the point where i can no longer attend any family gatherings bc they think she’s so sweet n innocent n im some crazy delusional bitch? IM NOT UR FUCKING ENEMY IM YOUR CHILD. I HAVENT DONE ANYTHING WRONG TO YOU. i never wanted to take her to court.. i never wanted it to go this far… but holy shit… she is so evil. it hurts me so much. i just want a mother. that’s it. it hurts so bad. longing for something that’s so close.. yet so far removed. i genuinely do not know where the fuck to go from here… i just want her to give me everything that is legally & rightfully mine so i can LEAVE if she wants me gone so fucking bad. i feel like that’s the only way out. so i guess im gonna have to just do whatever it is i have to do to get all my shit legally & then just cut ties completely. she doesn’t deserve any of my kindness or my love.

& to anyone reading this n thinking/saying shit like “omg stop complaining if it’s so bad then why don’t u jus leave.” - im not stupid. if it was that simple don’t u think i would have left a long ass time ago? no one wants to be in an extremely toxic & abusive environment day in & day out. no one knows all of the shit i have gone through & it’s VERY HARD to just up & leave when you have been manipulated, brainwashed, exploited, controlled, & abused in every single way but the only two people who brought you into this world & were supposed to show you love, protect you & care for you. i have NEVER HAD THAT. EVER. this shit isn’t something new.. this is life long… i have only jus started to become aware of how bad the situation actually is within the last few years with the help of other adult professionals which i used to never be allowed to talk to. unless you have been subjected to the same exact shit you won’t understand it & pls realise how truly blessed u are to not know that kind of pain. it’s a miracle i am even still here standing on my own two feet. even if this legal shit doesn’t work.. atleast i can honestly say that i tried. but i need to start using my fucking smart ass brain instead of following my heart bc when has that ever worked out for me/helped me lmao? i need to now remember to always b alert of absolutely everything when it comes to her, i need to stay on my toes & make sure that i remain 10 steps ahead of her at all times. rn i feel like idk what’s going on n im extremely scared n it’s the worst feeling ever. that’s why i have written this n put this here for documentation & also evidence just incase. todays date is 13/12/22

[devildomdisaster]

Idk if you read Lore Olympus but chapter 129 gave me an angsty request idea.

So Persephone, who’s the goddess of spring, goes into a hibernation-like state and when her emotions go out of control, she ends up growing her hair really long and her body sprouts a lot of plants from her; to the point of covering her and whatever area she’s in with her plants.

So I would like to request head cannons of the Brothers reacting to an MC who gets really sad whenever the brothers insult or threaten them and after several weeks of being berated by demons it causes MC to shut down and go to their room but mistakes a comfort spell with a plant curse that causes their hair and plants to grow continuously long. The plants fill up MC’s room and while they would normally be surprised at the mistake, they don’t care any more. They allow the plants to to grow, even wrap around their neck and body, and hopes the curse kills them off before the brothers notice as they go in the “hibernation” stage of the curse (The curse causes the victim to grow a lot of plants and vines from their body until they die, which can take a few days).

I’m sorry for being so long and descriptive, I just wanna see the Bros panic and feel guilty that MC felt pushed to do this to themselves but I understand if you don’t want to do it

I don't read Lore Olympus but you described the situation really well so I hope this is something close to what you wanted.

Comfort spell gone wrong

Lately, nothing seemed to be good enough for the demons. No matter what you did one of them would find something to berate you for.

“Mc, your grades are subpar even for an exchange student. You’ll have to try harder in order to not be a disappointment to Diavolo and myself.” Lucifer warned over breakfast.

“Mc, you burned dinner. You should learn to be a better cook.” Beel grumbled. As if you had ever seen any of these ingredients before ending up in the Devildom.

Even Mammon seemed to be in a particularly unpleasant mood. A never-ending string of complaints about how hard it is to protect an ordinary human. “Geez, you’re such a hassle human.”

Taking refuge in the library to study and to give Mammon a break from you proved disastrous and nearly deadly. Somehow you’d managed to spill your cup of tea all over an old somewhat rare text after Asmo had barged in and startled you. Your string of bad luck continued when Satan rounded the corner and saw the soggy tea-stained pages you’d been trying to decipher. In his fit of rage, he’d called you several unpleasant names and asked if you were “capable of doing anything right or if all humans are as stupid as you?” You’d left as quickly as you were able to avoid any more of his wrath.

No matter where you went you kept walking in on Belphie napping and without fail he’d say something nasty to you, that would make tears burn the backs of your eyes.

Levi had angrily called you a “useless normie,” who he wished would “never come back.” and had pushed you from his room with a slam of his door.

Even Asmo who usually just ignored you when he was upset found every reason imaginable to critique your every aspect. Physical and personality. Not a single one of which made you feel any more than worthless.

So was it any wonder when at the end of a long week you’d locked yourself in your room and decided to try that comfort spell you’d heard Solomon talking about? It seemed simple enough. But then your tears had blurred your vision as you’d recited the words and your Latin was still shaky at best. But it was just a few lines! And there was no way you were going to go to one of the brothers for comfort when they had seemed perfectly happy to make you miserable for the last few weeks.

You’d read the spell aloud and curled up hoping that the spell would kick in and you’d feel even just the slightest bit better. The blinding green light and sudden drop in energy was the first and only warning the spell had gone wrong. But being new to magic meant it still sapped your energy, so you didn’t stop to think something might be wrong. By the time you realized what was happening, everything was out of control. Plants had begun to sprout from your skin and the floor around you, growing and growing. With each inch they grew you felt your exhaustion creep up and consume you. You were just so tired. Your eyes fluttered closed. This was wrong! You forced your eyes open again. You need to fix this. The spell! But a short nap wouldn’t hurt, would it? You’d have more energy after you woke up. Then you could go get one of the brothers. Satan would know how to fix this. Or Lucifer! He’d clean the spell up easily. Yes, after you woke up…

Lucifer hadn’t seen you all weekend. He figures you’re most likely studying. But you don’t show up for meals and none of his brothers have seen you either… and oh Diavolo! He can feel the spell from the dining room. How did he not notice sooner? The cold pulling sensation of the spell, like it was sucking the warmth and life from its surroundings.

When Lucifer reaches your door Mammon is already there. Knocking and shouting for you, but there's no answer. He all but breaks your door down, his brothers behind him, and finds you at the center of the spell. Unresponsive and covered in the plants using your energy to grow. The plants had begun climbing up the walls and twisting through your hair, sending out snow-white flowers.

“Beel! Don’t!” Lucifer warns as Beel reaches out to pull a handful of plants from you. “We don’t know what did this and what will happen to Mc if we just rip the spell off like that.”

“Lucifer, Mc did this to themself,” Satan points to the open spellbook. “It looks like they got a comfort spell mixed up.”

Fortunately, your last tired thoughts were correct and Lucifer is able to break the spell quickly. You wake surrounded by the brothers.

Lucifer:

All this happened for a comfort spell? Because you didn’t feel like you could come to him, to any of them?

He’s so sorry Mc. Enough that as he leans down to pick you up out of the mess of withering plants you can feel tears fall onto your face.

“Nothing I did was good enough for you Lucifer. Any of you. I just wanted to feel… I just wanted-”

His heart breaks when he realizes this is his brother’s fault, his fault. “You are always good enough, Mc. Much more than I could ever ask you to be, and if I ever made you feel like you weren't. No, the fact that I made you feel like you weren’t, means I have been truly terrible.”

You’re choking back your own tears now and you curl further into his arms as he carries you down the hall. “You said I was a disappointment.”

“My dear Mc, you have never been, nor could you ever be a disappointment to me. Forgive me for ever making you feel as if you were.”

Lucifer takes you to his bathroom and draws you a bath to wash away the last of the plant matter from your body.

Afterward, he’ll bring you anything you ask for. He wants to wrap you in his arms but doesn’t want to push you, so he asks softly if he can hold you.

He’ll spend weeks trying to make this up to you, even after you forgive him, he’ll be sure to tell you how much he loves you more often than he did before.

Mammon:

Shit human! Why didn’t you come to him? He loves you so much and oh. He made you feel like a burden.

How could he be so stupid when he knows how his brothers make him feel?

Mammon begs for your forgiveness in front of all his brothers.

“Please can ya forgive me? I never meant to make ya feel like a burden. You're the only human I- I want to protect you Mc. I’m so sorry.”

Mammon helps you up and since your room is covered in plants he offers to let you sleep in his room for the night.

He wraps you in blankets and brushes the hair from your face with trembling fingertips.

There are still a few stubborn leaves sticking to your face and in your hair so Mammon takes a warm washcloth and wipes them from your face before gently untangling the plants from your hair.

You’ll be getting little gifts and tokens of mammon’s affections for the foreseeable future.

Levi:

He threw you out of his room when you came to him for comfort and the guilt at seeing you almost die because of it is eating him alive.

He feels frozen

Maybe you would be better off without an otaku shut-in like him. He starts avoiding you like the plague.

You start to think that Levi is so disgusted with the fact that you did that spell that he doesn’t want anything to do with you anymore.

Despite this Levi still checks up on you. He wants to know that you are ok, he just does it without you knowing.

He’ll ask his brothers about you and discreetly glance at you during meals to make sure you’re eating enough and look healthy.

A few days later when your favorite and manga anime start showing up outside your door you confront Levi. “Are you mad at me? Do you just not want to be around me after what happened? Levi, I miss you!”

He is shook, and he can’t believe he messed up so badly.

He’s happy that he can invite you to hang out again, and he makes sure to spend long nights gaming or watching movies with you until you fall asleep against him. He’ll even stutter out how much he treasures his time with you, blushing fiercely all the while.

Satan:

Satan feels anger swell up inside him. How could he have let this happen? How could no one have seen how upset you were?

Once the spell has been dissolved he is at your side instantly. Brushing vines from your skin. His fingers are shaking in anger but his touch is so gentle.

When both you and your room are cleaned up Satan sits at your bedside, book in hand, reading to you.

He just wants to be close to you now. He wants you to know how much he cares about you but is still too worked up to get his thoughts out properly.

Eventually, his thoughts calm and he stops reading in the middle of a sentence. “Mc, I am so sorry. I never meant to make you feel unwanted. Every day I spend with you is infinitely better than a day without you. I know the spell was a mistake but… we almost lost you. I almost lost you.”

He wants to talk about what pushed you to do this. He won’t push but he really does think that he will be better able to help you if he understands.

Satan makes sure to spend more time with you from now on. He makes a conscious effort to check his temper at the door and be with you when you need him.

Sometimes he’ll just read to you until one of you confides in the other in quiet voices.

Asmo:

As you blink your eyes open Asmo gently brushes some plants from your cheek.

You are so pale and his heart breaks as you flinch away from him. You feel like a mess and you know you must look like one too so curl your body away from him trying to hide. Trying to avoid his critical gaze.

This is the moment Asmo knows he screwed up.

He draws his hand back, for a moment, before reaching out to you again. Cupping your cheek and wiping your tears away with perfectly manicured hands.

Lucifer has him take you to his bathroom to clean up while the rest of the brothers work to clear the plants from your room.

Asmo is quiet for a long while as he untangles plants from your hair.

“You’re so loved, Mc,” he says softly. “You are.” he insists when you shake your head no.

“More than you could ever know, and it’s our fault for not telling you. My fault for not making you feel worthy.”

After this incident, Asmo wants to make sure you know how beautiful you are. He starts self-care days once a week that soon turn into whole family affairs. Each week different combinations of his brother attend and you all work to pamper each other.

Asmo makes sure nothing like this happens again, he never wants to be part of the reason you feel unloved ever again.

Beel:

At first, Beel thinks you did this on purpose. Once the brothers realize you messed up the spell he is less angry but no less distraught.

Once you wake up, he wants to take you to get desserts. He’s heard humans eat Chocolate/ other sweets to feel better. And this makes sense to him, food does make everything better.

But you don’t want to go to Madam Screams or the kitchen to make your own. You’re still so tired. Not to mention embarrassed that you screwed the spell up this bad.

And now they are all staring at you like they care so much when none of them had any time to notice how they were making you feel before.

When you become unresponsive to the brother’s questions and apologies Beel scoops you up in his arms and walks away with you.

Something about the way he holds you close to his chest and his warmth causes you to finally let go.

You bury your face in his shirt to muffle your crying.

“I just… I felt so alone! And… I...but no one” you gasp out shakily between sobs.

Beel soothes you with soft murmuring as he gently cards his fingers through your hair and strokes down your back.

Once your crying quiets he starts to speak “Don’t do that again. You can always come to me Mc. I’m so sorry you felt like you couldn’t”

Belphie:

Belphie thinks it’s a joke at first. “Man, how could they mess up this bad?”

Then he sees Lucifer’s panicked expression and it hits him how serious this is.

Belphie is immediately by your side. Hands frantically feeling your wrist for a pulse.

After Lucifer breaks the spell and your eyes flutter open Belphie is filled with relief until a wave of guilt washes through him.

He can’t believe he fucked up so badly again. Sure this time he didn’t directly cause you physical harm, but he did play a role in causing you to almost die again.

“I am so very sorry Mc, I never meant to hurt you.”

He does everything he can think of to make it up to you. Anything you ask him for, as long as it’s within his power, is yours. No questions asked.

He asks permission just to hold your hand for weeks afterward as if he thinks you’ll come to your senses and decide you don’t want anything to do with him.

He wants to comfort you so bad.

To make sure you don’t feel like this again Belphie pulls you away to nap with him as often as he can get away with it. Most likely only a few times a week (much less often than he would like). Sometimes he uses this time just to talk with you. Others you really do nap, and Belphie curls himself around you. Occasionally he enters your dreams while you nap together to make sure no nightmares can touch you.