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alchemistc · 3 months

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Going to a baseball game tmrw night, I apologize in advance for the person I always become when I am in the middle of a shippy hyperfixation and go to sporting events.

If I'm still on this train in October y'all are in for a deluge of hockey hc's.

#i refuse to let any of my blorbos ever be a dodgers fan but maybe they go to a game and sit third base #just to hang out with all the away fans who actually stay for the whole game #maybe tommy is a huge fan of mookie betts #maybe three beers in buck realizes he had a crush on the varsity pitcher in high school #maybe they end up on the kiss cam #maybe the organist does something fun and buck goes on a ramble about the history of organs in baseball stadiums #maybe they're there watching when that car fire that broke out in the parking lot happens #and they're giggling over the organist playing we didn't start the fire #while station 133 rolls in the put the fire out #hell maybe they go to anaheim instead #maybe theres an au in there somewhere #a rescue they're both involved in #tommys filling in for a buddy on his honeymoon and there might be a bimb somewherr in the building only buck is infodumping #about the humidor they use in denver #and tommy doesn't even know how he ended up with the 118 but he thinks be maybe wants to BITE bucks birthmark #idk we'll see what happens after the game tmrw night

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bleakfortune · 7 days

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lalala la la lal ala la u dont have to read this your decision heed the warning tag

#cw scat #whatever #i like it as a offhanded accessory to neglect fear death impending doom etc. purposely invoking discomfort #not that liking it for the sake of it is bad but. idk. different intentions/focus.#i say all this because im thinking abt 1 my ddays au scenario thing where party gets braindead from like encephalitis or a head injury or w #atever and its just him and kobra and ks distraught obviously and (uncharacteristically! hed gladly old yeller anyone else or even p in any #other situation but hes fucked up here) like half takes care of him sometimes and molests him and theres spells where he spaces out for a #day or so and comes too to the both of them withered away moreso than usual and filthy and. yeah. p dies after a bit and k molests him some #more then kills himself.#its good w ddays because everyone everywheres malnourished and dying and fucked off research chems or we constantly so like. failing bodily #functions arent even gross to them thrers bigger problems to deal w. could go on abt my interpretation of its social culture forever but i #wont. anyways.#and 2 frank getting murderraped by some huge muscley guy and shitting himself in terror and getting made fun of for it. idk. its only #upsetting for the first bit then his heads stomped in to where hes actively dying and cant process anything other than pain #also bonus chronic pain/incontinence frm abuse as a child also mostly care abt frank w this k bye #yeah theres my piece. dont be mean plz and thx #definitely wont b a regular topic either i just Had to type it all out to organize my thoughts #text

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cloudbends · 15 days

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trying not to get disproportionately hyped but yesterday's horizons episode made me lose my mind to such a degree that I feel as though the next episode is gonna be like.. life-changing for me I fear.

#vi rambling #pokemon #i have so many thoughts and i cant articulate ANY OF THEM.#im just. so pleased. with the writing in this show. and so pleased with the direction theyre taking amethio. hes my character ever.#everything is so intriguing and has such a good build-up... idk IDK IT HAS ME SO EXCITED AND HAPPY.#seeing new things and older things click into place like this. the catharsis of liko and amethio facing off again and #being the first 2 major characters to interact in the series and being the lead narrative foils finally face off again and INTERACT again #is so incredibly rewarding.#spinel is such a fascinating antagonist to me theres so much to unpack with his relationship with umbreon and the organization as a whole #liko's emotional state was also really well executed i felt. amethio being so SHARP when it comes to spinels entire deal was also #a great aspect showing both his intellect and his being privy to information we arent and thus leaning into the mystery aspects #ARHHRGRGGGGH IM SOOOOO. i need it to be friday again im going a little insane.#also the rakurium being pink ... terapagos and likos colorschemes being turquoise.... opposing colors and in their middle....#is purple.... I WONDER.... WHO THE BRIDGING CHARACTER WILL BE..... GEHEUEHURGE #im just. so excited to see his arc unfold. and well... i hope their interactions ends on a more ambivalent note... things shifting a bit #when it comes to their perceptions of the other side ever so slightly.... ghfurhuhru #ok. im done i think.

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persimmontartkisses · 5 months

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Me, in a conversation: What's going on in Gaza is genocide and objectively abhorrent.

Them: Well, ya know the Palestinians *random bullshit justifications for the slaughter of thousands of innocent people*

Me:

#the cons of living in the bible belt #like i already think of every organized religion as a cult #thats so 'sanctity of life' of you #good to know youre cool with mass murder so long as its the enemies of your big guy in the sky #like idk how to tell you this but people tend to just be people #and jesus was brown but i guess you probably dont wanna think about that #its an entire can of worms that i dont have the mental power to sift through #i dont understand how some of the people over here can be so hoity toity on their high horses about their faith and race #then go on to hold such loyalty to a country that gives no shits about them #if theres a higher power i think it would be displeased #if i was the higher power id be pissed to have people killing other people in my name #in my eyes they constantly do their god a disservice #gaza #palestine #free gaza #im not saying that what ive got is even a good take #i admit im not the most well informed on most situations regarding this whole thing #BUT i think human life is important and special in of itself and that its wrong to take that life in most cases #after the Holocaust we said never again yet here we are doing it for the thousandth time #history does always repeat itself #this also isnt to say that youre a bad person if youre practicing some religion #you do you #religion and spirituality are separate for me and religion isn't really my cup of tea any more

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icewindandboringhorror · 2 years

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I kind of miss getting to know the interior of other people’s homes. So many of my friendships in adulthood are distant, or long distance/only talking over the phone, difficult to make actual plans with because of Real Life Schedules Now, etc. etc., but like in school and stuff as a kid you can just hang out at someone’s house for a few days, have a sleepover every weekend, etc. etc. I still remember the interior of all of my childhood friend’s homes, I remember all the details to the rooms and the layout of the yards and etc. etc. There’s just something kind of neat about Knowing another person’s housing space, what the décor says about them, the history of how they came to live there and their household routines and what it’s like, etc. I feel like it can be an important part of really deeply understanding someone so it’s weird to talk to and vaguely know a handful of people, but also not even know what their bedrooms look like or how they organize the dishes after washing them or etc. etc.

#'intrictae knowledge of another person in an extremely mundane way' my beloved #i also just really love looking at interiors like I'm fascinated with how people decorate their own spaces or what they have aorund #in the environment and what it says about them. Does anyone else snoop the backround of photos and videos and stuff?#like if theres a youtube video or a picture or something anyone posts and it has like a candid normal indoor space as the background #I'll pause or zoom in or whatever and really try to look around. see what's there. just make observations #not in a crerrpy way but just like.. idk I feel like it Says Something. I also love seeing people's computer desktops and phone screens #amnd looking at how they organize their apps or files or what aesthetic they give things. If I'm wathing someone play a game and they #accidentally exit to the desktop or something I always pause and try to see whatever I can glean from it lol #Bedrooms. Phone screens. Desktop of a computer. Also real life desk top that the computer is sitting on. etc. These are all spaces that are #mostly organized by and utilized by really just the ONE person themselves. like nobody else is going to usually be using your #computer or your bedroom nightstand. it's your space that you don't have to think about anyone else interacting with so they way you organiz #e and decorate it is very personal and Just For You. something about spaces like that are so interesting to me like in telling #little tiny details about someone and stuff. And also on a borader scale I just love thinking about how like. you could give 5 people the #same exact space and each of them would organize it and decorate it completely differently. and all of it would be an indication of their #tastes and personality and lifestyle. I used to want to be an apartment complex maintenace man because I would get to enter into everyone's #identical layout apartments and see how different they all are and what variety of things people have done to customize the same space #and what it might say about them or etc. etc. etc. Also probably weird but sometimes when throwing something away #I'll look at people's trash a little like if I'm in a realative;s house. which literally gives no important information but I love little #details like 'oh someone in the house had a snickers bar earlier today.' 'oh they bought a lightbulb I wonder which of the lightbulbs #went out' and then I look around the house at the shapes of the light fixtures or if there are any other clues (like a screwdriver or #ladder nearby) to see which one it is or etc. etc. ANYWAY .. idk..#one of my Big Fascinations. I just love seeing people's personal spaces and knowing little obscure mundane details that #dont matter really but it Matters To Me just because I love gathering every miniscule tidbit of data about anything in any situation #whether it's relevant or not. seek knowledge just for knowledge's sake I guess lol. Maybe thats an enneagram type 5 thing or something #else lol. ANYWAY.. thought about this because I have such a strong compulsion to ask everyone I know like long distance friends #for pictures of their bedrooms and phone screens and desktops but also for people who don't have the same Weird Interest In Interios #*Interiors and stuff that I do I feel like that just comes off extremely freakish ghbjhbb #I PROMISE IM NOT GATHERING DATA ON YOU! or like.. I am. but not maliciously. just in a manner of earnest detached intellectual fascination

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paging-possum · 5 months

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Who up listening to good luck babe by chappell roan and having it resonate not in the way intended but resonating nonetheless. About to go ham in the tags about the overlap of being a lesbian and being aromantic...if u even care....

#my art #gore #organs #its 2am so not a lot of this is going to be very coherent but this song makes me feel a lot of things about it all #like. its the Expectations #the expectation that im going to date men and the expectation that im going to date at all have always felt equally stifling #theres that feeling of not trying hard enough or not realizing it at first or trying to lean into what you're told you should feel #and having it not pay off time and time again and wishing you could just make it work #because everyone else around you has it just fine and you dont get why you're struggling with it so much #THERE ARE MORE SIMILARITIES BETWEEN THE TWO IS WHAT IM SAYING #like obviously figuring out aromanticism is especially weird because its a lack of something BUT THEYRE PRETTY SIMILAR #realizing I dont want to date anyone mirrors realizing I didn't like boys but like. idk man its worse sometimes?#I wouldn't trade it for the world it means a lot to me but its almost like people go out of their way not to understand it sometimes #at the end of the day I am the you in that song #it was a very very long road to being okay with never falling in love because that was something I wanted for a very very long time #at the end of the day I will never have to be someones wife and I think its better that way #but its also hard not to get jealous sometimes #like I know its irrational I know I get physically ill at just the thought of being asked out but like #sometimes ill see my friends with their girlfriends and ill feel like clawing my own chest out with want #but also if anyone asks me out I will have to dig myself into a pit and never come out. I think.#I want to be with women but I dont want to Be With Women if that makes sense #its another layer of difficulty that I dont think I'll ever be able to get past #I feel like at this point I should just be trying to conditioning myself out of any form of desire because its just not an option for me #which definitely isn't true and like chappell roan says. you'd have to stop the world just to stop the feeling.#but its also so tiring to have to sit here with the feeling and feel bad for having the feeling.#I dont know #I think if I felt a little more or a little less I’d be fine but I’m stuck in the middle #it feels very weird talking about this openly but also its very difficult to talk about with friends because most of them dont get it #anyways something something Josies monologue from bottoms #im going to bed

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bunnyb34r · 10 months

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I know I should just block (and not OPEN) tags and posts ab '24 but my brain is stupid and likes to be informed even if it makes me worse

#marquilla #im not even joking when i say this next election makes me wanna kms so bad. im fucking terrified and i feel like we already know what's #gonna happen. not bc people arent voting or organizing i mean bc of how far the right has gotten and how angry they are that a #dem won so theyre gonna show up in droves and it's like god i wish we could idk have some safegaurds in place??? like oh idk you #incite an insurrection you Can't run for president?? but also that wouldnt fully stop shit bc florida has its own neo nazi running and #theres more behind him in the wings. but like idk man i just get so fucking suicidal thinking ab the future #and my drs. are like well then dont look at the news??? 'i sure dont' mkay thats great (not) but um i CAN'T not watch bc i need to #be informed i need to know. and they're like well then stop worrying ab it til election day?? LIKE THAT HELPS #so i just dont bring it up. and i just spiral and have breakdowns in the shower and think ab making a will and shit yknow normal stuff #bc this is fine! just dont engage! stop worrying it's like a year away! it MIGHT get better! idk Join in your community then??#like yes yes thats a start but with what fucking energy when im bedbound most of the time im not working and that doesnt stop these fascist #s like me helping the community garden would be good for the community and probably my mental health in general BUT that doesnt deal with #the actual fear that makes me wanna Kermit #like it really fucking feels like all i can do is pray and hope god somehow intervenes (rapture anyone?) and that things do go well and #that the outright outspoken nzis don't win but like I really just wanna die man #i know the outcome more than likely will not directly affect my life bc im white. cis passing. and can go back in the closet regretfully #but like that doesnt reassure me any bc i have friends and loved ones and generally just give a shit ab other people and how this WILL #affect them directly and that terrifies me. it really feels like we cant ever have a moment to just exist yknow??#idk man i just wanna die bc im so scared haha how fun (: how normal (: this is fine. everything is fine.

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mejomonster · 8 months

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Huai dao chapter 25: so im only in the beginning portion. But id say a big difference between huai dao and modu is that in huai dao police (at least so far) have been portrayed only positively. Modu, while having luo wenzhous team be u know about as glorified in wanting to be good/do right by people as most of these types of main characters in murder mystery novels... theres also a much larger focus on corruption. Modu spends a lot of time on corrupt police working with their team, undermining their efforts to do good, their boss and bosses above that being corrupt, their fellow employees killing innocent people and people who do commit crimes being in danger they do Not deserve. How the poor, immigrants, drug users, are used by the police as scapegoats and their rights are not respected, the tragedy that is. And then outside the police, how corruption runs through corporations, through the rich, through politicans, through authority figures in groups who give them the kind of power able to be abused. Modu still ultimately has police as its heroes, like huai dao (and similar novels). But i think it does aim to do a more nuanced evaluation of what is justice, what do individuals have to do and consider daily to contribute to helping individuals/society, what corruption exists and its various forms of structural power that harm people. Huai dao maybe... maybe is trying, so far, to look into human nature a bit (im only 1/4 through tho). Modu was a lot more certain of what about human nature it wanted to touch - what corruption exists, who does it hurt, how do you help people in this world that has corruption in the justice system and in power, how many kinds of people are victims to it, how far does it reach. Modus even a bit conservative in looking at this (as i imagine the plot couldve spiraled out to encompass the whole country or whole World) since it tries to contain this examination to 1 fictional city, using the city as a stand in for the bigger world.

#lb #huai dao #modu #idk if this makes sense #like? yeah modu is copganda as much as SCI or Breaking Through the Clouds or Under the Skin or #most any story with cop leads.#but i would say compared to huai dao (which reads as Cops Always Good Protect Us)#modu instead makes a point that Plenty of cops might kill an innocent person. set them up. use them. deny their rights.#contribute to systematic corruption and harm of people #in modu theres no organization thats All Good Will Protect People #and a big arc for luo wenzhou is facing he is in a corrupt system and while he tries to Help #his own boss and his own organization does harm and hes stuck in that as a part of it #which is a bit less of a Perfect police take. u feel.#also i think thats why like. modu/justice in the dark maybe faced more censorship question issues #it does paint cops rich and government as corruptible and having systematic corruption #which uh. not like the ideal theyd generally like shows to go for

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monsterbisexual · 9 months

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another day another having a body sucks + is scary :(((

#p #theres so much that can be going wrong at any time like not even counting the general pain n fatigue i know abt already #part of me wants to google a symptom n part of me knows that will probs make me more anxious #but im anxious anyway so. kms #i dont wanna have organs n stuff theyre gross n can be fucked up n i could be dying idk #i know i make posts like this like every day sry #theres just always Something :(

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opens-up-4-nobody · 11 months

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...

#just turning over the idea of executive functioning issues in my head part by part. impulse control. im extremely tightly controlled. im the #best at control. the only times im impulsive is when someone asks me something and my brain doesn't work well in the moment so i tend to b #like fuck it: says something that might fuck me over later bc im like whatever itll prob b fine lol. but mostly not an issue. emotional #control. i dont lash out at ppl except myself i guess. ill sometimes have freak out meltdowns bc i get so frustrated with myself plus mood #weirdness. so not great. flexible thinking. im pretty rigid. if plans randomly change theres like a 1 in 3 chance ill freak out and start #crying and it takes me a long time to adjust to the idea that i have to chsnge something. and things tend to have to b a certain way #not for any reason in particular. thats just how it has to b. i have to eat the same foods. operate at the same times. do thr same things.#thats just how it is. and i find it difficult in social situations to adapt to the flow of convention bc its like but we're talking abt thi #now but something just interrupted and we aren't going abck to that thing. i dont make it other ppls problem but its uncomfortable for me.#working memory. my memory is pretty fucked. self monitoring. im good at that. too good. im pathologically self reflective. planning &#prioritizing. i can plan but i cant prioritize for shit. i will spiral for hours doing nothing bc i can't decide what comes 1st.#task initation. im good at torturing myself into getting things done but i anxiously avoid a lot of things but once i start its like: im in #this mode now. no i cant fucking stop i need this to b done. i need to sit here and finish it otherwise i wont come back to it. i cant do #moderation its all or nothing. all school and nothing outside of that. cant send mail. cant clean sink. i see it and kno i need to do it an #then i just walk away from the disaster area. organization. is ok. it looks a disaster but i only exist in like 3 places so i dont lose #things often but i dont remember where i put things once i put them down i have to deduce where i would have put it. does that paint the #picture of executive functioning issues or rigid and restrictive compulsive behavior paired with self destructive impulses leading to #absolute mental exhaustion which is y things arent getting done? could b either or both. idk my ability to do things 95% of the way and wal #away leaving a mess that ill never come back to strikes me more as the former but what do i #still its worth considering bc i do have an amazing to control myself in a way that's completely out of my control. maybr my start/stop #switch is just fucked idk. slow down and reorient says my counselor u never stop to rest. shes right but also im a grad student stopping #would mean death u gotta keep swimming and doing more than u should. thats how it is #but im so tired and i only get more and more tired. so somethings gotta give eventually #unrelated #i forgot focus. my focus is good sometimes and sometimes my brain is moving too fast and i cant focus at all. its static #but focus is not a thing i cna control

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destiny-moonforge · 2 years

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any janebill truthers out here (we need a better ship name there’s like 3 bills in the magnificent 7 help)

#pirate101 #pitty101 #p101 #calamity jane canary #wild bill peacock #7posting #calamity jane pirate101 #wild bill pirate101 #idk what tags to use because THERES HARDLY ANY FANCONTENT ON THEM #calamity jane canary pirate101 #wild bill peacock pirate101 #anyways would anyone here be interested if i posted a bunch of miscellaneous mag 7 headcanons #everyone in the pirate101 ocs server already knows about my brainrot but ive been anxious to make my brainrot public #i will also take specific headcanon requests.#i also need to make a google doc regarding character analyses but i dont know how to organize JACK SHIT #but basically: i care them. ask me about them. I Want To Talk About Them.

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butchshepherd · 1 year

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I've been thinking to myself hey I maybe I should email this breeder, just bring up our potential interest in a future puppy and also I guess ask if they think their dogs could have the potential for assistance work, but first of all I might as well have never written an email in my life bc I have no idea how to go about this!!! And second of all, especially for the latter but I could always leave that out for the first time lol, if they answer negatively in some way I would likely not recover (I am not a well adjusted individual and rsd is a lovely little thing). I know myself well enough to know I would find it very discouraging and the embarrassment would probably also make it harder to contact them in the future 🥲

#not to mention i likely will be taking a somewhat unusual route since im not even sure PSDs are properly recognized here #like if i do end up training a dog for that (bc organization trained isnt an option) i likely will have some administrative bs to deal with #and being young and doing smth out of the norm never gets you good looks haha #im trailing off here idk what i was going to say anymore really #smth smth i mainly want to know how tf you go about emailing a breeder?? like what do u say #hi i like ur dogs. ummm. yea. have a good day #what should u mention in a very 1st email? what should u ask?? what should u avoid?#keeping in mind this is all for years in the future #if nothing else id like to meet their dogs at least since they're open to that w arrangements #i would be delighted to say the least #also the SD stuff : if other things align right i wiuld still 100% want a dog from them even if they wouldn't be suitable for SD work #+ theres at home tasks i would teach to probably any nd all dogs we have in the future lol #this is a mess of tags thanks if u read through all of it? i guess?#im going to sleep now #mine

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poems-of-a-lover · 1 year

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ugh. romance is so hard. i just wanna live my life and sleep forever. im so tired.

#im so. im tired. dont mind me im tired theres a lot happening today and im too out of it to know what any of it is #my whole body hurts but what else is new yknow #agh. whatever. im chillin.#kinda vent ig???#idk if it is put im using that tag for organization

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gibbearish · 1 year

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also is the thing with the box ever. explained?