#idk if this is considered a vent i have never vented in my life

[hauntedpotat]

I love finding out there's yet another small thing wrong with me 👍

[peapod20001]

I’m the type that can and will cry if think too hard <3

[angeltism]

out of the shower , feeling slightly less shit about myself (and way less like saying uncalled for immature mean things) however still dealing with the realization that I am possibly the most replaceable person in the world

[agrebel18]

 does anyone else have that feeling when you’re good friends with someone and you genuinely love them but don’t like mentioning them to specific people because you’re afraid they’ll start shipping you guys or something

[daz4i]

when ww said "this is not my life, I'm no survivor, i only happened to survive"

[welcome-to-the-cattle-dome]

treating someone like your kid aint mean you’re treating them like a person

[salsflore]

[snekdood]

bitches prolly out here psychoanalyzing my old art on behalf of my abuser to cushion their belief that im a Horrible Person but then dont see the irony when I point out the shitty things my abuser has drawn and how I see it as clear evidence of their mindset and beliefs (of what's okay to do and how to treat people) descending and pairing that along with everything else they've done and it paints a clear picture of how this person got to the point of thinking it was okay to abuse me the way they did and then the people looking for reasons to hate me through my art will act like "they're just drawings !!!" about their art. which one is it. does someones art say something about them or not? or does it only say something about them if you hate them?

[yelloworangesoda]

genuinely like passively suicidal at this point bc i literally dont know why i bother. im not gonna kill myself but like someone deal with me im just dead weight

[strawberry-miiiiiiiiiiiilk]

sitting in my room for a half hour thinking about how if we lived in a better world Ada Wong would be the Ilsa Faust of Resident Evil (primarily in how she's introduced in Rogue Nation), with a dynamic to leon not unlike Fujiko Mine's and Lupin's in which they are both extremely competent and in situations in which they may have to work against and occasionally with each other on a mission, but ultimately are forced to stay apart and while they may be apart and even have different love interests from each other, ultimately still care deeply for one another. They are compelled to go after each other in part because it's so difficult and they are so often in circumstances in which they can't be with each other. The thrill of the chase and all that.

Ada being only tangentially related to the other character's stories because the world is simply larger than them and she has her own concerns and problems to deal with, and to have that be given any care or weight in a story, let alone focus. That she can be cunning and even manipulative but because she needs to and will still choose not to when the chips are down because she is genuinely caring--which I know none of that is new ground for her but I wish it was done in a more interesting way and *without leon at all*. She chooses to show mercy in a key point not because she's in love with that other character.

And also that she has more personality. I dig the subdued nature of her in 4r and her subtle sarcasm but it's just crumbs. I want her to be silly on occasion and say dumb jokes because she's alone like in 2r. I want her to shed a bit of that seriousness when she's on the clock because she's confident in herself as a professional and again has no one to put up a façade to.

It's honestly kinda embarrassing reading this back as I realize most of what I'm writing is not only already present in the games but incredibly tropey in and of itself, and wouldn't improve the character much. Dear god I think too much of my view of the character has been marred by shallow fanworks depicting her. I think if anything it's a sign that:

I'm a shit writer and need to do way more than watch movies and gesture vaguely at them to come up w a decent story or character (that being said as much as I prefer Fallout as a film, I stand by my earlier statement of Ilsa Faust being the ideal spy woman as she's depicted in Rogue Nation as she has a distinct set of goals and needs that are complex and developed largely tangentially to the protagonist's, at least initially).

It's going to take a completely new approach to her character to get something remotely interesting and that takes advantage of her potential.

For as mired in tropes as she and every other character and story in Resident Evil is, Ada could be far more memorable and enjoyable if only there was more care and effort to giver at least some interests and goals (perhaps even...characterization) on her own other than being a sexy love interest and potentially traitorous (as so many femme fatales already are).

[woodsy-hoe]

realizing i’ll never be enough for anyone or anything in my life bc i just wasn’t meant for this life but ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

[linktotheheart]

I feel like so many people misunderstand BOTW/TOTK Link especially (Zelda too, but that's another topic entirely)

His lack of expressiveness IS a personality trait. It's a direct result of the pressure on his soldiers to be a perfect soldier, hero, and savior. No, he's not Skyward Sword Link, and never will be, because his story is completely different.

"But [other Link] hugged Zelda when he got her back!" and this Link maintained a respectful distance as his princess's subordinate - but ALSO out of respect for Zelda as a person, because she spent her whole childhood having her agency denied and he wants to let her initiate even something as simple as platonic contact whenever possible. He's being kind!

(And yes, I know that primarily only the "he is a knight and she is a princess" part is directly supported in the actual game, but I'll remind the people making comparisons that the dynamic was COMPLETELY different in their favorite comparison game, Skyward Sword. But also... look at the gentleness with which Link interacts with Zelda, the tenderness that he shows so few other characters - Mipha probably being the closest example. Look at the way he looks to her first to see what to do in every scene they're in together, unless he's protecting her from an immediate threat to her life. Notice how outside of that, Zelda IS usually the one to initiate any physical contact)

I also personally hate it when people describe quiet, not very expressive people as "lacking personality" because... my partner IRL is like that. If she expressed herself at all around most people, it's in a very flat, reserved way. I've seen how it hurts her that people treat her like she doesn't have a personality, like she isn't even a full person - and I know that's real life and Zelda is fiction, but come on, do you think all the people that aren't highly expressive and extroverted don't hear that about very popular characters and internalize it?

Being reserved is a personality trait. Being cautious and not impulsive is a personality trait. In fact, I'd even say just because you as an expressive, extroverted person see Link as a blank slate to project your own personality onto, doesn't mean he actually is or was even intended that way.

(I also think this is a very US-centric point of view, honestly. There's plenty of cultures where even BOTW Link would be considered at least close to average - Finnish culture specifically comes to mind, even if he's still slightly exaggerated in that regard as, y'know, a character.)

Idk, this is as much a silly little vent post as anything, it's not that serious, etc, but whatever

(and don't get me started on "oh Zelda got no agency in TOTK and she learned the powers she was struggling overnight". No, it's called a time skip, and just because she learned her powers before the 13th hour this time - which yeah, she would get them easier this time with a mentor who could actually use the same powers, and having already learned to use her light powers - doesn't mean it just "happened overnight". And... she didn't express agency? She was actively influencing the entire flow of the timeline, changing the actions of her ancestors by convincing her ancestors to act, learning to control her powers and fighting Ganondorf, and finally expressing the ultimate form of autonomy in choosing to sacrifice herself to save the world. Some of the criticisms of TOTK didn't even seem to play the same game. Just because a heroine isn't a pop feminist badass who *gasp* wears pants and easily and perfectly kicks every villain's ass, doesn't mean she "has no agency" and is being sidelined. Like, a princess engaging in courtly politics is neither powerless nor "doing nothing")

[rottiens]

hi sorry for coming in your asks again lol but I'm thinking about endeavor..... like idk he's just always in the back of my head

anyway have you considered divorced detective endeavor??? like he's completely neglecting his family & responsibilities as a father, his ex-wife is shacking up with his younger (hotter) subordinate, basically drowning himself in alcohol and cigarettes. the one routine he's kept all these years is coming into your bar at the end of the week, getting a little too drunk, and letting the alcohol flirt with you (but you've always brushed it off knowing he's married). you've listened to him vent countless times and had to call a cab to take him home just as many.

you can clearly see the ways he's fucked up (it's pretty much always his fault) but you also see the regrets washing through his mind. he wants to be better, but he keeps slipping into the same habits.

he's been coming in a little more often lately, he hasn't mentioned the wife and kids in months, and he's not wearing a wedding ring anymore. He doesn't flirt with you as often as he used to, but not because he's not interested, because he is. because he's afraid of it going somewhere. because he's afraid he'll ruin your life like he has done to the rest of his family... and because he's convinced he doesn't deserve you.

i'm sorry i'm just so obsessed with a divorced detective au ok and i cannot believe this thought has not entered my head....

You really put me in a difficult situation here. Because I'm torn between the idea of, what would he really do? Would he walk away from you completely or would he continue to indulge a little more in the idea of flirting with you, knowing he shouldn't have you?

You miss him. You miss the Enji who would come to talk to you, babbling on about work problems without getting to anything specific because, of course, he can't discuss such topics with a civilian. But you are so full of life and hope, unlike him and everything he touches that he can't help but want to spend a little more time with you and Enji hates the bitter taste the hangover brings along with your image the next day.

After the divorce, he keeps wearing the ring for a few more long weeks, hoping that his failed marriage could be mended again. He knows he did it wrong, he knows he's been careless and a bastard, but he also knows he's selfish at heart and that the idea of having a happy family is so appealing.

Yet he lets it go. He lets go of his wife and his kids who are leaving with her, and you. He cuts off every shred of happiness in his life because he is tormented by the idea of being truly happy. Enji convinces himself that he doesn't deserve it. After all the bad decisions he has made throughout his life, he only deserves to sink into his misery, into the boxes full of items his wife never went to pick up from the house, into the loneliness of the cold walls, and into the ghosts his children's laughter left behind.

Enji refuses to go back to the bar, to see you. But he has no choice but to accept when one of his subordinates invites him for a beer, something to relax for the weekend.

Like every Friday, the bar is full of people. Pop music he dislikes is blaring from the speakers. I should go home, is what he's saying to Keigo just as he catches your gaze behind the bar. Your fingers greet him animatedly, sealing the words he was about to say and walking, as if spellbound, to where you are.

Enji can't believe you look prettier than the last time he saw you. You have a different haircut, a new uniform and your smile is so warm and genuine that his chest hurts; he couldn't remember the last time someone greeted him with such joy to see him.

Immediately, guilt grows like weeds inside him, weaving through his insides and creating roots.

You pour him the same old drink and his cheeks heat up at the thought that you remembered exactly which beer he likes.

"Thank you," he says without looking at you, picking at the foam dripping off the rim of the glass with one finger.

Your warm fingers cover his for a moment, drawing his attention to you. His fingers are still trapped on his lips, the gesture of tasting the beer foam.

"Is everything okay?" you raise your voice above the music.

Enji hesitates for a moment. "Work keeps me busy."

You purr away from him and turn your back on him, clearly not believing the half-truth he just told you, but you don't probe further.

Other customers approach the bar and you continue to prepare the drinks. Enji feels your gaze on him, which he avoids at all costs, gulping down the beer as fast as he can and eyeing Keigo on the dance floor, enticing some dance partner to accompany his peculiar moves. As he comes back to the front, you're smiling at him again, placing another full glass of beer in front of him.

"I thought you forgot about me," you comment innocently, leaning a little into his personal space.

Enji doesn't pull back, but you see him tense under the white shirt with rolled-up sleeves and suspenders that cling to his broad shoulders. His lips quiver not knowing what to say. Pathetic. Maybe you do the same with the other customers, and yet you still have him trembling with your mere presence.

"I couldn't forget you. You guys are my favorite."

You purr, reaching out to touch his hand to the watch hugging his wrist. The hand reads 11:35 at night.

"Are we your favorite or am I?" You look up at him through a slow blink.

Fuck. Something beats in his chest and in his pants. He'd forgotten this: the thrill of flirting with someone, with you, of feeling wanted. Of feeling desired. When was the last time someone touched him? He doesn't remember the last time he came in someone.

Enji clears his throat and, against his will, pulls his hand away from yours to toss a few wet red locks back.

"I think I should go."

"So soon?"

Enji had to get up and run before anyone else noticed the visible bulge against his thigh, smothering between the fabric of his pants and his now damp briefs.

"Yeah, I-"

"Stay. One more beer, on the house," you smile at him. Enji barely notices that you had clung to his forearm before he could escape. "Please." You lean in, and he takes a peek at your cleavage. Your lips find his hot cheek and leave a fleeting kiss there. Enji feels his whole body boil with heat.

He knows he's going to ruin you and hates himself for it. But he can't think of the consequences when that pussy wraps around his cock like it was made for him.

"Slow down, it's been a while.."

But you cling to him like you don't want to let go. Your nails on his back, mouth open gasping for air.

The bar is already closed, so your moans and his grunts are the only thing accompanying the music now. Your hips buck desperately as he thrusts you upright against the counter.

"Easy there.." growls enji, burying his fingers in your hips to keep you still. "Hold still. Just feel it."

Enji rolls his hips deep, his pants puddling at his knees. His curly hairs meeting your bare clit.

"Like this… nice and deep. Take it like a good girl."

His heart beats so fast, his balls tight around your drooling pussy. Every time he thrusts deep you lose the rhythm of your breath for a moment, the full force of his body and thighs pushes you against the counter, weakening your feet off the ground and you can only look at him with eyes full of eagerness as you split on his fucking thick cock.

And when you ask him to cum, to cum inside you; enji has no doubt. He's going to ruin you. And he hates himself for it.

[jiraisupportgroup]

why do you get to sit in your heated home with daddy’s money and tell everyone who can and can’t wear jirai kei?

I don’t usually respond to stuff like this, especially because I’m fairly certain this was just ripped from a popular j-fashion creators video, but:

I feel like I make it quite clear that when I talk about jirai kei it’s just my opinions. I openly state that I’m likely a dumbass and you should take my word with a grain of salt considering I’m not a spokesperson for the Jirai Kei community, I’m not an expert on Jirai Kei, I also don’t speak Japanese so I can’t rly access a lot of “OG” jirai kei content that launched the community.

Additionally: I’ve never stated that anyone can’t wear anything. The closest I’ve gotten to that is when I state that I don’t generally believe “jirai kei” is the appropriate term for the fashion (therefore you can’t rly “wear it” if we want to be super technical) or when I said that “fashion jirais” who complain about the community can fuck off.

Never at any point in that did I say that anyone can’t wear anything. If you want to wear girly kei or dark girly or larme or ryousangata or whatever the fuck you want to wear - by all means please do. My main point is if you don’t like the jirai kei community, don’t interact with it. You can post coords and find friends and have a lot of fun with the clothing if that’s want you want to do. You can buy Liz Lisa & MCM bags and generally live your best ryousangata life. You don’t have to interact with the jirai kei community to do that. Block the people you find annoying. Block tags, block accounts, block whatever you don’t want to see. No one is going to be mad at you for not wanting to interact with the “dark side” of jirai kei (as people love to call it for some reason) UNLESS you’re adamantly saying “the dark side is wrong” and then using a shitload of jirai-related tags. Other tags for these clothes exist. Separate the two if you want, I don’t give a fuck; jirai kei doesn’t own the clothing.

I’m not going to sit here and outright defend people in the jirai kei community posting people’s coords and bullying them, I’m not gunna sit here and defend the fatphobic or racist things that have been said on jirai kei twt. I will point out that those posts are not actually super common in the jirai kei community, and the people that post them generally aren’t very well liked by other landmines either, they also tend to be very young. It’s a really big community. There are going to be “bad apples” especially because it’s a community based around mental health issues. You can’t look at that handful of posts and say “the entire community is toxic and awful”. Venting & the like are very common, but it’s pretty rare that I see people actively posting hate like that, and there is a huge difference between the two. Most of the landmines I see are too scared to even make vague callout posts. Maybe that’s just Tumblr, idk, but honestly the amount of hate I see in this community is rather small.

Secondarily to your point; my house is not fucking heated. I can barely afford to run the AC in the summer or the heat in the winter - typically I turn it on when my BF is here and turn it off when he leaves to save money. I have my own apartment. I work for my own apartment. I can barely fucking afford it. I make about $2700 a month and my bills add up to be about $2400 a month (and it’s not like an expensive or nice apartment it’s literally full of roaches and my oven doesn’t work). I usually end up spending about $100 of the leftover on cat food, and then have $200 left over for gas to get to work AND food AND toiletries for the MONTH.

I don’t have “daddy’s money”. I live by myself about 8 hours away from my family; they don’t have shit to send me. My dad died 3 years ago and left us with 50k in debt because he decided paying taxes was optional. When that happened - I was making 17.50 an hour and I had the HIGHEST WAGE out of anyone in my family. I was trying to finish college which I was attending on a scholarship bc I couldn’t fucking afford it, I was working overtime, trying to organize my dad’s funeral bc no one else in my family could do it, and paying tax payments. “Daddy’s money” was a negative sum. I frequently send leftover cash to my family if there is any just to help them in any way I can.

The cute and nice things I can afford are typically bought either because I pick up overnight shifts at my secondary serving job or from sugar daddies. Although I stopped sugaring about 3 years ago.

I started working when I was 15. I started SW when I was 17 to help my family pay rent. I did SW from about 17 years old to 21 and stopped shortly after my father died because I didn’t have the time anymore. And I fucking hated it but it made money.

Don’t fucking come at me saying I’ve got a nice house and daddy’s money when I’m sitting in a roach-infested apartment that I work myself to the fucking bone for & I spent multiple years trying to pay off my dad’s debt.

Fuck right off with that dude.

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

am i the asshole for cutting off my mentally unstable friend without any explanation whatsoever?

(🧠🌩️ so i can find it)

tw for abuse and cheating mentions

ok typing out that title makes me feel like i might be TA to, like, some degree but just hear me out first.

i (19, f) was in my first semester of college when i met rachel (20). we shared a class and grew to be friends over our shared nerdy interests. i admittedly didn't really like her that much at first and didn't consider her to be that close of a friend. she was really just someone to talk to when class got boring or we had a break or something.

i was actually kinda regretting talking to her at all because i clocked that she was a little unstable almost immediately; she was very quick to anger and constantly talked about fighting people that had ""wronged"" her (which included our professor who she was convinced was out to get her for some reason?? idk why our prof was a really nice lady), constantly trauma dumped without asking (i'm talking like early into our relationship too. first day we met she was ranting about her abusive mother and her childhood trauma and stuff), and always found a way to turn the focus of the conversation about her any time i tried to talk about myself or anything that wasn't our shared interests. the only reason i gave her my number is bc she asked for it and i didn't know how to turn her down without hurting her feelings--i'd been planning on ghosting the second our class ended.

so we continued to talk/text for like a year and (at her insistence) met up for lunch in between class the following semester. i warmed to her a little at this point so it wasn't too bad; at the very least her constant drama gave me something to talk about with my real friends, and like i said i didn't really know how to cut her off in a way that wouldn't start something.

so time goes on and she shuffles through a few boyfriends--all who either cheated on her or were inattentive/verbally abusive. she constantly asked me for advice, which was confusing bc she never listened to it? like she asked me if she should take back her ex who cheated on her 3x and i said "no that sounds like an awful idea" and then she exploded at me and screamed that i could 'go fuck myself' and to 'stay the fuck outta her business bc it's her fucking life and not mine'. but then the minute he (predictably) cheated on her again and dumped her guess who had to sit with her on the phone for 2 hours while she cried? yep. me!

this kinda bullshit continued all the way up to a few months ago. she met a new guy, told me all about how he was "the one" and "he's gonna be different this time" blah blah blah. at this point i genuinely stopped giving a fuck about her and her problems. the only reason i hadn't cut her off was because my other friends loved hearing about her drama secondhand and i admittedly did enjoy making fun of her with them. which i know is kinda shitty but at least she'll never find out about it?

anyways, shit starts to get particularly juicy bc two months into rachel's relationship with this new dude he proposes. and she accepts (?!!) not only that but she informs me (not asks. INFORMS) me that i will be a bridesmaid. and i panicked and just said "uhhh cool i'm so happy for you!!" so this is the point where i decide that i need to end this relationship bc having to attend her wedding is just not something i wanna be apart of and i felt that if i went through with that it would solidify our ''friendship'' in her mind and i'd never be rid of her.

so i stop responding to her texts as frequently and began ducking her calls. didn't have to stop initiating bc i never initiated convos with her in the first place. i'd answer every once in a while bc she would start spamming that she was having ""emergencies!!!"" which. they never were true emergencies; she just wanted to vent about her fiance and his shitty family or something his ex-wife did to piss her off (her fiance was like 20 and divorced twice with three kids. YIKES) and i'd listen until she got tired of talking and ended the call. not once did she ever ask about me btw. at this point she wasn't even to pretend to care about me or my life; i was just her dumping grounds for all her trauma and venting.

i thought she might've got the message that we were done bc she hadn't texted for like a month, but a few days ago i recieved a message that said something like "omg i haven't heard from you in a while, are you okay??" and. i'm not sure if i can put into words the sheer amount of exasperation and annoyance those words filled me with. like i could tell right off the bat it was just a ploy so she could get me talking and then vent and saddle me with all her stupid emotional bullshit. so i blocked her, finally. this shouldn't cause any problems bc she dropped out of school last semester (she was failing so she decided to start her own business).

the thing is, i know that she's mentally not well. she is very erratic and immature, add that to the fact that she's gone through a lot of trauma throughout her life and the end result is a deeply flawed person. at the same time i'm not responsible for her mental health and continuing to play friends with her what i don't even like her in the first place seems disingenuous. but she's got abandonment issues, so me doing this is probably gonna hurt her. although me being honest and saying that i can't stand her and her drama anymore probably wouldn't feel any better.

AITA?

What are these acronyms?

[sillygooseassociation]

Messy

Requests: Heyyyyy, could you write ted lasso x reader where reader likes ted, and she vents about it with rebecca or keeley and ted listens to it but thinks it’s for somebody else, not him? I’m so sorry for my English, and thank you very much! /// hiiii could you write ted x reader where reader gets jealous of ted with sassy (like reader has a crush on ted but never told anyone about it) and reader is younger than him and thinks that maybe nothing will happen between them?? the drama of it all lol, okay thank you byeee

Description: When you and Ted both eavesdrop on conversations of the other, miscommunication occurs that leads to tears, laughter, and confessions.

Warnings: lots of angst, idk, kinda mentions of divorce

Pairing: Ted Lasso x reader

Word Count: 4.3k

-

You drop the stack of files on the desk outside Rebecca’s office, pulling a highlighter out of your pocket, needing to mark one more line that you noticed was missed on the walk from your room. Biting the cap off, you hold the plastic in between your teeth as you trace the line on the paper, pausing to listen when you overhear voices from the office. “Now boss, you know I wouldn’t keep anything from you, it's just not in my nature. But a gentleman doesn’t kiss and tell, and that includes the person that signs my checks.”

Initially, you chuckle at Ted’s mannerisms - even after two years in England, he hadn’t lost that endearing midwest charm. However, your laughter falls flat when you realize the implications of his words, who did he kiss and how did Rebecca know to ask? You weren’t one to eavesdrop, you knew it was rude and you would never want to invade someone’s privacy, especially not the privacy of your two bosses. However, all logic seemed to go out the window when imagining the American gaffer kissing someone. 

“Oh Ted please, we’re both adults, we’ve both been married, we’ve both been through heartbreak, so please tell me, what do you think of Sassy?” Sassy? Why did you recognize that name? Well, if you could even consider that a name. You cap the highlighter, returning the writing utensil to your pocket before listening back in, “Why she’s just fine and dandy, nicer than the whole French city.” 

Discarding your previous plan of handing the files directly to Rebecca, you instead write her a message on a sticky note and place it on top of the stack, leaving said stack on the desk. As you leave, you hear one more pressing question from Rebecca, “Oh Ted, please speak plainly for once and tell me what you think.” As you head back to your office, you can’t help but wish you were on Ted’s mind as much as he is on yours.

As you sit at your desk, you can’t help but think about Ted and Rebecca’s conversation, how did Ted meet Sassy? And where in the world do you know this name from? It feels like Ted spends all his time devoted to the team, how could he even have the opportunity to meet someone? He eats every meal at Crown and Anchor with Beard, and oftentimes you, that doesn’t give him much of an opportunity to meet a woman at the pub. The rest of his life is spent at his flat or Nelson Road, at least that’s how he made it seem when you all talked about your lives outside of work.

The Liverpool match took up so much of his attention, and it paid off if the game was to be used as evidence. Liverpool! That’s why you know the name Sassy! She was Rebecca’s mate who you met briefly after the game, Keeley was practically attached to her hip. Of course, it had to be Sassy, you couldn’t even go talk to your best friend about how you were feeling, she was practically in love with your competition.

Not that Sassy could even consider you as competition, Ted hardly knew you existed, well, on a romantic level at least. Working as Richmond’s physical therapist, you often made decisions hand in hand with Ted. It was not something you had experienced before with coaches at the previous amateur teams you worked with, they just did what they wanted and left you to pick up the pieces of their sore players. Ted, on the other hand, wanted you right there as he created plays and decided which players should fill which roles, he wanted to make the decisions that were best for the team’s success but also best for the safety and health of his players.

You considered Ted a close friend and you liked to think he thought the same of you, but that’s all it would ever be in his eyes. You were about twenty years his junior, after all, he was far in his career and a wonderful dad, and he had been married before. You, on the other hand, were just starting off, Richmond was your first role as head therapist, many still saw you as a kid even in your mid-20s, and your longest relationship had only lasted a year before your ex decided you were “too much” for him. 

To the rest of the world, you were at two stages in your life, how could that ever even work? But in your mind, none of that truly mattered. Different stages in your career didn’t really mean anything, you loved kids and were getting to the point of wanting to start your own family. But at the end of the day, you were inexperienced, you had run off every partner you ever had because of how “needy” you were. You were young. Too young. So you would love Ted from afar, laughing at pop culture references that no one else but Beard understood, nodding in agreement at his motivational speeches to the boys, and admiring the way he put his entire self into everything that he did.

Noticing the time, you realize you would be running late for the pre-training meeting if you didn’t get a move on. You grab your copy of the playbook, checking the pockets of your athletic leggings for your signature highlighter and red pen. You head down the hallway to the locker room, passing through the gym when you hear low voices, looking over to notice the window shared with the coaches’ office was open. “Well, are you going to ask her out, Coach?” 

Your eyes widen, walking far enough into the room where you are hidden from the view through the window, deciding to again selfishly listen in, “That’s the thing Coach, I would love that. But I’m me and she’s… well, she’s her. I tell the boys to not be judgmental, but I can’t help but judge myself for having these feelings.” You sigh softly as you shake your head, you hated that Ted thought this way about himself. Any woman would be lucky to have Ted, even if that woman was Sassy and not you. “Ah fuckin’ ‘ell Lasso, you would tell any of those muppets in there to go for what they wanted, why shouldn’t you get to do the same thing?” 

You clear your throat quietly, pushing down tears as they well in your eyes, rounding the corner to make yourself known before you have to hear Ted talk about Sassy even more, “Hey team!” Three men in the room jump slightly, startled by your appearance while Roy remains still, not being surprised by anything apparently. Ted runs his hand through his hair, seeming to be frazzled, “Well what do you know, Ms. Sheryl Crow, how’re you Y/N?”

A laugh leaves your mouth though it is much quieter than your normal response to Ted’s humor, something you hope goes unnoticed by the rest of the room. “Oh, I’m okay, just life as normal.” Giving a tight-lipped and forced smile, you thank every god above as Nate asks a question, a stupid one at that, which switches the conversation off of you. Roy lets out a groan and disgruntled mutter about Nate, an offhanded comment that brings out a laugh, hoping your smile dispels any suspicions anyone had about you and your short response to the earlier question. And for the most part, it does, no one in the room is any the wiser about how you are truly feeling, no one, that is, but Ted, whose concerned eyes never leave you.

By the time training was done, you felt emotionally exhausted. After hours of canned laughter, forced smiles, and repressed tears, you just wanted to go home. But nope, it was then a couple of hours in the clinic working on the players. Thankfully with a more hands-on task, the time passed quicker than it did during training. Back in your office, you pack up your backpack before hearing a knock, looking up to find Keeley at the door with her signature smile. “Babes! You’re not answering your texts!” You turn on your phone as it sits on your desk, realizing you have numerous texts from her as well as other contacts, “Shit, sorry Keels, I’m just out of it today.”

Keeley’s smile falls, clearly able to tell that you are not your normal cheery self, “What’s up? Why are you so frowny?” You attempt to give her a smile but before she can even call you on your bullshit, your tears can no longer be held back. “Oh, babes!” She walks you over to the couch in your office, and sits you down, passing you a tissue from the box on your coffee table, “What is going on? Does Roy need to beat some prick up?” You laugh lightly as you wipe away your tears though your effort is for nothing, more tears just falling in their absence, “N-no, it's okay. I don’t want to bother you.”

Your friend looks at you with wide eyes, “Are you absolutely mental? Something that is bugging you like this is never going to be a bother.” You shrug slightly, looking at your lap in embarrassment, “I know I’m not your only friend though, and I don’t want to be an arse and talk shit about someone you like.” Keeley pulls you closer, rubbing your arm in a comforting manner, “You’re right, I do have other friends. But none like you, you’re my best mate. Now tell me what’s going on.” 

Taking a deep breath, you tell Keeley what you overheard earlier in the day, both from Rebecca’s office and the coaches’ office. She nods along as you speak, paying close attention until you let out a sigh after finishing your story, “Well, I haven’t talked to Rebecca today, so I don’t know what Ted said. But I do know that Sassy left to find Ted the other night in Liverpool and then came back like, ten minutes later.” You shake your head as you wipe away your last tears, “But that doesn’t mean anything Keeley. They still kissed. It's not like I had a chance with Ted anyway but now I really don’t, he has real feelings for her!” Admitting out loud what you had been ruing all day, you begin to cry again, sobbing softly at how stupid you felt. 

Approaching your office door, Ted ran through his script in his mind. He wanted to check on you but he also didn’t want to cross any boundaries. Sure, you were friends, really good friends he would say, but you also technically work for him and you’re a beautiful young woman. He would never want to make you uncomfortable. Which is why he came up with what to ask you, wanting to be careful to avoid stepping over the line. 

However, his script was immediately forgotten as he reached your ajar door, hearing your cries from behind. His brows furrowed, terrified that you were hurt, either physically or emotionally, and determined to help however he could. But before he could push the door open more, he heard someone quietly shushing you, someone he soon recognized to be Keeley. He paused, relieved to know that you weren’t alone while feeling this way. He weighed his decisions, popping his head in to offer his aid and support or leave you two ladies be. But before he could decide, he hears your soft voice from the other side of the door, “There’s no reason he would want to be with me, I know that. He’s absolutely perfect, he would never want an idiot kid like me when he could get someone like her. Even though I always knew that I just feel so broken now that it actually happened.”

Ted backed away from the door, slowly walking to Nelson Road’s exit and making his way home, sending a quick text to Beard to apologize for not being able to make it to beers that night. As he walked on the cobblestone path, he couldn’t help but feel his heart hurt, how could you think that way about yourself? You were one of the most amazing people Ted had ever met. You were incredibly intelligent and ridiculously gorgeous; you appreciated all of his humor and had compassion that rivaled that of the virgin Mary. Hell, all of this and more is why he fell for you. But of course, you had your eyes set on someone else. It only makes sense. You were still young, you had so much of your life ahead of you, and he was a tied-down old man with a kid. Let’s be honest, your job was literally to touch and massage some of the most athletic people in the world, why would you want to be with him?

Even though he was feeling a bit torn up at confirmation that his feelings were unrequited, he felt most sad about how you talked about yourself. No one deserved to feel unworthy of love, but you especially didn’t deserve that. You always made sure everyone in your life was supported and had all they needed, it was one of the first things he noticed about you. When he was putting together birthday celebrations for Sam during his first week, you were already making a grocery list of cake supplies before Ted even came to you with his idea. You had a calendar with all of the players’ birthdays sitting on your smaller desk, working as an assistant physical therapist at the time, and knew that Sam’s was coming up. On your small salary and in your unappreciated position, you wanted to make sure the birthday boy didn’t go unrecognized. If you could offer that love to everyone in your life, even those that annoyed you like Nate, you deserved to have someone show you that same love, if not an even greater love.

After a talk with Keeley that was full of hugs, tears, and dirty jokes (mostly from her), you made your way home, deciding to have a quiet night filled with ice cream and Nancy Meyers films. Keeley offered to join you though you quickly brushed her off, sending her to have a conversation with Roy after she told you about their kiss over the weekend that ended with him running off like a fucking twat. Pulling your fuzzy blanket over your crossed legs, you pulled the ice cream carton from its spot on your coffee table and into your lap, pressing play on The Holiday. You roll your eyes at Jude Law’s flirting, what bullshit. A man with an accent foreign to the woman, a man with a young child mind you, was gonna get the girl, and that girl was gonna get her happy ending. Fucking Hollywood lies.

Your internal screaming fit at the television was interrupted by a knock on the door. You groan, putting the frozen tub back on the coffee table, wrapping your blanket around you as you walk to the door in your pajamas, “Right as I got fucking comfortable.” You open the door, planning to rudely take your anger out on the person likely meaning to knock on your neighbor’s door, but instead, you find your favorite American standing there, hands in his pockets as he nervously makes eye contact with you, “Ted?” He takes a hand out, giving you a small wave, “W-what are you doing here?” He ponders your question before looking around, seeming to remember he’s still in the hallway of your flat building, “Can I come in?” 

Nodding, you open the door wider to allow him in, closing it behind him before you walk over to the living room, grabbing your ice cream container and then making the short walk to your kitchen to put it in the freezer. “I love the soundtrack for this one.” Walking back into the living room, you offer Ted a confused look before noticing him point to your film selection, “Oh yeah. It’s a great one, even if the plot is unrealistic bullshit.” Ted’s eyes widen as you cross the room to the couch, sit down and turn off the television. Sure, you cuss occasionally, but never in such an intense and negative tone. He apprehensively sits on the other side of the couch, turning to see you looking at him expectantly, “Why are you here, Ted?”

Ted clears his throat, his mind suddenly blank. He had practiced exactly what to say to you on the way over, how to gracefully tell you that he accidentally eavesdropped while also telling you that anyone would be lucky to have you but keeping his feelings a secret. He had figured it all out but the moment he saw you, he lost it all. He could only focus on you. “Oh, um well, I was worried about you. This morning, you weren’t exactly yourself and I wanted to check in.” 

You show a small smile at his compassion, of course, he noticed that something was wrong and of course, that meant he then took the time out of his evening to come and check on you. This man was practically perfect, and yet he wasn’t yours, “Yeah, I mean, it was just a rough morning. Got some bad news before training, that’s all. Ted, it's nice and all that you came over to check on me, but you really didn’t have to change your evening plans to do that.” Ted nods in response, looking down as he plays a bit with his fingers, he knows he didn’t have to, he wanted to though, “I know that. Truthfully, I stopped by your office earlier to check on you but you already had company.

Cocking your head to the side, you look at him confused, you had no clue what he was referring to. No one had been in your office that day, no one but you and, oh god, “Shit.” You stand up, beginning to pace around the room with anxiety. Of course, your luck worked out like this. You cried at work about being in love with your boss and he overheard, of course, because why wouldn’t that happen? He was there to fire you, to let you down easily both about your feelings and your job. “Shit, Ted, I’m sorry. I-I promise, this won’t get in the way of my job. I love Richmond and I love the team, please, I would never want to put that in jeopardy.”

Looking confused out of his mind, Ted stands up and steps in front of you, stopping your pacing, “Woah, Y/N, I’m not firing you. Honestly, I don’t even know if I have the power to do that, I like to leave all that stuff up to Mrs. Big Boss. But, even if I did, why would I fire you over being sad that someone you like turned you down? Now, I thought you would know me better than to think I would do something like that.” You look up with wide eyes, he didn’t know, he didn’t know the ‘someone’ was him. “Oh no, um, I know that Ted, sorry. I just, I thought it was something else.”

Thankfully he lets you off without further explanation, though he was still incredibly lost, what else could it have been that you would think would be worthy of him firing you? You return to your spot on the couch, expecting him to follow you except it was now his turn to anxiously pace. “Now, one time in middle school, we had a dance unit and were taught different kinds of dances like line dancing and square dancing. They also taught us disco and I was just absolutely horrible, could not get it down no matter how many times I watched Saturday Night Fever. I bring this up because I don’t want that again, I want to avoid bad vibes as much as I can.” You nod, holding in a laugh at his story, not wanting to interrupt whatever he was working up to say, “I overheard what you said to Ms. Keeley and I just want you to know, Y/N, it is not true at all.”

Your breath catches in your throat, what did he just say? “Now, I don’t know who this guy is but he must be darn stupid if he’s letting you get away. But ya know what, forget him. You don’t need him. You are just perfect on your own. You are not an idiot and you’re not a kid, which I’m pretty sure means you scientifically can’t be an idiot kid. I know I’m just an old man saying all this and it probably doesn’t matter but just…Hell, I’ve been out of the dating scene for a long time and I’m still not entirely in it, I’m as single as a batter running only to first base. None of this probably means anything to you, but I hope you believe me because you are one special woman, Y/N.”

You were speechless, Ted just said everything you ever wanted to hear and yet you could only focus on one part, “What about Sassy?” Having turned himself away from you in his nervous pacing during his monologue, Ted turns to face you with a wild expression on his face, “What’re you on about?” You look down at your hands, shrugging as you wonder if you can get yourself out of the situation, “Just, this morning, before training, I overheard you talking to Rebecca and she asked you about Sassy. You said you don’t kiss and tell…” You trail off, not wanting to finish your sentence one because you hadn’t stayed around long enough to hear Ted’s response beyond that, but also because you were worried about what that answer was. “Before training? Was this before or after you got your bad news?” 

Fuck, he was figuring it out.

Sighing, Ted walks over to the couch, sitting closer to you this time, your knees almost close enough to touch but still leaving a distance between the two of you, “Y/N, Sassy found me this weekend after the match and kissed me,” you nod sadly in response, looking away as you hope he can’t see the tears beginning to roll down your face, “but I pulled away so I could tell her I was interested in someone else.” Why was he telling you this? He’s not interested in Sassy, so what? Not like the specific person matters to you, it hurt just the same. Ted sighs again, sliding just close enough that your knees bump each other, “Honey, please look at me.”

You turn to meet Ted’s eyes, his expression falling when he sees the tears running down both cheeks. He raises a hand, gently brushing the tears away, “Why are you crying?” You shake your head which then shakes his hand off, bringing your palm up to wipe away your tears, “’s stupid.” Ted tuts at you, “It’s not stupid if it’s got you worked up like this.” 

Well, you’re already crying in front of Ted and are too embarrassed to ever show your face at work again, hopefully, Rebecca will accept an emailed letter of resignation and still be willing to be a reference, “It’s you.” Ted’s heart drops, he made you cry like this? Should he have not said any of those things? Did he say something wrong? He should have never come over, he just knew it, stupid Ted, always messing things up, “I-I made you cry?” You shake your head again, still not meeting his eyes, “No, well, kinda. Ted, it’s you, you’re the guy. I was talking to Keeley about you.” 

Ted lets out a chuckle, unable to keep it in. What the fuck, you basically just told this man, your boss that you’re in love with him and he has the audacity to laugh? Before you can ask what the hell is wrong with him, his voice interrupts his laughter, “Well, this is perfect.” You lift your eyes to meet his, seeing a bright smile across his face, how can he possibly be smiling right now? Seeing the confusion on your face, Ted places his hand on your knee, “You’re the ‘someone else’, Y/N. I told Sassy I’m not interested in her because I have feelings for you.” 

The world stopped. Well, it didn’t, it still moved on its axis while also moving around the sun but for you, the world stopped. The world stopped as your world sat in front of you, telling you that he felt the same. “What?” You were struck with disbelief, how could Ted feel the same? He was a successful coach and the best father in the world and you were merely a member of his team who can only barely rent a car legally. Ted nods, his smile seeming to grow even though you didn’t think that was possible from how wide it had been, “Yeah darling, it’s you.” 

Your smile matches his as you launch yourself at him, wrapping your arms around his neck as his wrap around your waist, it was perfect, it was natural. Though you wish you could spend the rest of the time like that, you pull away, your faces close enough that he rubs the tip of his nose against yours. “Are we really doing this?” Ted smiles softly at you, sensing your euphoric feeling of disbelief because he was experiencing it too, “I think we are.” 

You let out an excited squeal, pulling him in for a kiss. It was messy, far too much teeth from you both still smiling and your dried tears seemed to stick to his skin but it didn’t matter. It was messy but it was perfect, just like the two of you.