#idk if this is relevant to literally anyone else but i just wanted to share

[ineffectualdemon]

Hot take that shouldn't be a hot take: having a fetish is fine actually

There is nothing inherently bad about being turned on by feet or a gay people or idk black lace

Like none of this inherently creepy or bad that you see something and have an involuntary reaction

People can make it creepy by making it other people's problem when it's not wanted

But like if you're in a relationship and you're into feet and part of what attracted you to your partner is their feet and you tentatively bring up the feet stuff and they shut you down and your reaction is "fair enough. We'll do other stuff" you're fine

And if your partner is like "oh sure we can do that" that's also fine

Like the vast majority of people with a fetish just go about their day and occasionally feel a little hot under the collar about random stuff and keep it to themselves unless it's relevant for someone to know

And before anyone accuses me of not knowing what it's like to be fetishised I identified as a bisexual woman between 2004 and 2015. I encountered my fair share of fetishisation

And most people will mention their fetish only if it's a relevant conversation and with no expectation that others will entertain it

Finding something sexually appealing does not a monster make nor does it make it something you want in the real world necessarily. Same with kink

Having a fetish is literally fine as long as you're not an asshole about it

Which is better than the evangelical churches and their fetishisation of virginity and purity. They love to make THAT everyone else's problem don't they

[amber-jinx]

Hi, it’s me again (:

What was your favorite character traits about Rachel Amber?

Hey! Happy to see you and boy what a great question, thank you! Loaded answer ahead; TLDR, see the good in Rachel Amber.

Rachel's many things. Pretty, hot, charming, stylish, not to mention her lovely voice, these physical traits are already a great start for many. Then you have functional traits-- ambidextrous (can I just say that's hella cool, omg I want that too), social genius/people skills, straight As student, drama queen, masked with a layer of mystery, many people would've already fallen for her, in-game and out, me being one of them when I first got to know her as a character (so pretty much those were my fav traits of her).

But if we strip her physical beauty down and shove aside her fascinating skillset, who is she really? We may never know 100%, but some character traits can still be found.

Here are some of my favourite (&underrated) Yangs to Rachel Amber's sides. aka why Rachel Amber should get more love & less hate from the fandom

Ofc there are exceptions, but those are not relevant in this post; assumptions & headcannons are added

1. A good heart

Kindness to me will always be one of the most important character traits to have for anyone. With all that powerhouse of a Rachel Amber can accomplish, she chooses to use them with kindness.

With her social skills she chooses to lift people up, saving Hayden from a quickly-escalating scolding from Mr Keaton in ep 1, asking Chloe in a nuanced way if she's "taking (getting kicked outta Blackwell) this a little too well", kinda guiding her independent thinking rather than directly telling her what's right or wrong. (There'd be constructive criticism between Chloe & Rachel, which I stan in a relationship/friendship.)

With her intelligence she tutors Justin & helped him improve his algebra from an F to a C I believe? That's pretty impressive, ngl

with her ambidexterity.. idk, she makes Chloe happy :> (yes i'm totally referring to doing graffiti with her left hand on Chloe's insistence *cough*)

This is why I'm inclined to believe that tornado was not Rachel's revenge. She'd never choose to put Chloe, her parents, her friends, at risk; if she wanted revenge she could've killed the men w her powers. Sure you can say some of these might be her trying to live up to her DA father / principal assistant's duties, but at least she chose to do them. She could very well be a kid who doesn't give a damn or fluff through some of these things that requires time & effort.

2. Sees the good in others!

One of the most underrated Rachel Amber traits imo. This girl literally has a reputation of "her friends are her friends", and does not discriminate in terms of friendship/who she hangs out with. She picked Chloe up from her lowest (saw her & praised her for backtalking the biker, defending Nathan, & "you're more of a hero than you think you realise", when Chloe didn't take Drew's money). Rachel stuck with Chloe when no one else did (puts up with her sh*t, which ofc Chloe does the same), literally chose Chloe to share her uncertain future outside Arcadia, did not take her chance to leave when she could in those 3 years, most likely cuz she wanted to leave with Chlo. She also hung out with Nathan (& Chloe when so many wouldn't), saw the good in Frank (yes. same as Nathan & Chloe his reputation is far from great and despite the unhealthiness of this relationship, she at the very least cared for the guy, & saw the humanity inside him), & very sadly fell for the portrayed "gone through some serious shit" act by Jeffers*n, all these showing her being an empathetic & sympathetic person.

I'll add non-judgemental as well, cuz it's why she's able to get along with so many people so well. Like what her VA Kylie Brown says in an interview, whoever you are, Rachel'd be like "hey you're a pretty cool person, let's talk!" It's inspiring. I love that about her. Gotta have more Rachels in the world.

3. Ambitious. Puts in the hard work. Persistent.

"One day, I'm gonna climb Mt Everst." says a 15 year old Rachel in Bts, who has posters of travelling in Asia (the green poster has Chinese words saying "go travel in China", amongst others), already speaks about her courage & ambition. And of course, leaving Arcadia with no one but Chloe for a better life. Yes you can say it's reckless, because it's a big idea for a teenager, but she didn't just give up on it. It stuck with her, and she worked hard for it. Doing photoshoots to get modelling jobs, maintaining her 4.0 GPA, finding opportunities to leave... she did those for 5 years. And in the comics universe, they made it out! Now they're over 22yos with an LA apartment, Rachel's in modelling gigs with her acting career kicking off... what could've been for game Rachel. (oh the things I'd do for Bts' ending to be Max appearing in the nick of time instead of that damn vibrating phone!) Also I wonder if in some universes, like the wheelchair Chloe one, a missing Rachel could mean she actually made it out without others knowing, instead of the darker end.

4. Caring & thoughtful & protective & passionate partner/friend/lover!

She listens to Chloe's problems (therapy session), she gives Chloe nice clothes to wear within the few days they'd met (what financially challenged Chloe needed, & in a way that wasn't awkward for Chloe), she sends post cards to Chloe while she's away (she thinks about her often), & "don't f****ing touch her". Passionate lover, I mean.. the way she kissed Chloe under that lamp (with high intimacy of course) is good enough an example. Chloe's the romantic one in my head. Rachel, the passionate.

*the way she puts her hand on C's shoulder after wiping her tears, OmO*

So far these are the character traits I can think of, and your question helped draw out Rachel's positive sides that are too under-recognised. Thanks again! :)

These links helped me understand Rachel & Amberprice better, here for people's reference:

Because I choose to see the good in Rachel, I'm her defender through and through. Join me, if you can.

Edit: damn I literally wrote an essay, maybe 1 day there'd be a video!

This pain wouldn't be for Evermore.

[straycalamities]

how did you come up with making Entre? What inspired you?

the onceler LOL and homestuck

okay story time w chase ahem

so actually how i got into tumblr at all is very relevant to the chain of events that led to entre existing. so before here, i was mainly on a...particular art webbed site that was basically a sinking ship circa: 2010 so i forgot how i heard about tumblr? but i joined here at first just to do naruto comm rp. like my only account was a naruto rp account for the first... i dont remember how long

eventually i got curious enough to make a personal account and started being active on that. a bunch of my friendgroup from the other site moved with me and we were just hanging out being naruto nerds. at some point i got into homestuck/learned about the askblog format. i don't remember which came first, but i DID run kibanaru and flutterdash askblogs before the lorax was a blip on my radar

i remember when i was in the homestuck fandom, i was so used to the naruto fandom where like..sure it's huge but i had established myself in a corner of it and it felt very like... it was a community! and in the homestuck fandom i didn't feel like that at all. i felt swept out to sea and it was very lonely tbh aside from the friends id manage to drag with me into it, but i always felt a certain dissatisfaction from my time in it

a friend of mine was the one to show me the lorax and the once-ler. i don't...remember how THEY found him, but they were already very into him before they even came to me about him. and they basically nagged me into watching the movie LMFAO (this was when the movie was still freshly in theaters so all we had was shitty camrips and LiveStream was a thing) so i started to draw smexy onceler and oncest fanart to mess with them and...well y'know ye olde saying about doing things as a joke.

so yeah i kinda got...genuinely interested in him. especially after i watched the 72' short and reread the book and was like wait. this movie is mid as hell actually. (the siren song of mid media) and i was like "well if /i/ wrote the movie id do this n this n this n this" and then all that added up in my head and i was like wait.

what if i did a once-ler askblog where i just change certain things to what i like? it wasnt gonna be a complete revamp/remastering because i wanted to do a proper askblog so i wanted to have his character be recognizable to any fans of the onceler. and this was wayyyyy before anyone was getting the idea to do the very creative and expansive onceler takes we have these days as a norm. so it was kinda like? being shoehorned into being Canon!Once-ler because?? that's just how you did askblogs back then

BUT!! there were a few other askblogs already around back then (end of April 2012 for ref) so i didn't wanna do what everyone else was doing (very much Established Business Once-ler/Greed-ler, Vest-ler/Oncie, or Aftermath Once-ler) so i got the idea to do the onceler but! he's still very fresh and new to his business. still basically vest-ler/oncie in personality but with big things on the horizon.

i started creating his blog the weekend before may. that's why his birthday is May 1 because that's when i officially started his blog and posted his first post and all that. literally when he was born.

so yeah this was all to try and find my niche in a community again as well as do what i'd already been doing for years now: waving my headcanons in ppls faces via my art LMFAO

it was honestly pretty new for me in a bunch of ways so it was very scary. i even tried to keep it a total secret at first. i thought people wouldn't recognize me for my art style.... (yeah idk how i thought that'd work either) and i mean??? for the most part that was true because it's not like anyone in the once-ler fandom would've known me beforehand anyways

so for the first uhhh...idk it didn't last long tho..i was a secret mod, but i got too itchy about sharing art that i didn't wanna put on his blog so i broke that pretty quick. i had a lot of personal rules i put on myself on what to do/not to do on and with his blog. and i still, to this day, follow a handful of them. so when i drew other stuff that i didn't think fit on his blog, i was like well damn i wish i could show this somehow...

tho sometimes i wish i'd tried to keep up the secret mod shtick a little longer

anywho. from there it's kinda like..he really just grew on his own. new ideas, new inspiration, new experiences shaping this or that. now i can write him without touching him for years like i just picked him up yesterday. he's that wormed in my damn brain at this point. he's basically his own person sitting in my head telling me what to do with him/what he'd say

so yeah at first? it was just me trying to write a very accurate 2012 movie onceler with a few tweaks. and then he just grew organically into what he is now. that's still his root and so that's still the default direction i try to take, but he definitely has a lot of things that make him his own person at this point too. even on his main blog.

as for why he's so stupid goofy. well. that's because i like drawing dumb expressions. the end. and in the end i'm glad his main blog remained super unserious and lighthearted because it really helped me mentally a bunch (those random spikes in activity? yeah it was for my own mental health LMFAO he helps me...a lot...because of the escapism and comedy)

bonus: as for truffula flu entre. i don't remember if something in particular inspired me to make him the ender of the world. i just felt like it'd be a fitting story for the once-ler for him to be in that spot. and from there i just approached him how i thought someone like him would react were he to find himself in that position.

my goal was always to make him as human as possible. like he's technically the villain of this story, but he's also the protagonist. yaknow. so i wanted to really interweave those two ideas interestingly into his character (and now im obsessed w it)

originally i thought of truffula flu as everyone doing their own storylines. i didn't expect at all that everyone would adopt MINE as all of THEIR canons. that was LKFJSLDKF a big surprise for me i was like wait what. i guess it seems silly now in retrospect that i didn't expect that, but i was just like "well this is entre's story. ppl can do whatever else they want tho" but suddenly entre's story was everyone's story. and it's pretty cool i can't lie

[storgicdealer]

OKOKOK so im re classpecting the sticks bc i understand much more abt classpects now than i did when i first classpected them. i hope you dont mind if i drop em here bc youre very smart and you know both avam and hs so

tsc - lord of space (this stays, its way too narratively relevant for it not to)

green - prince of breath (very passionate, perfectionist, tries to be carefree even when he cares way too much about what other people think)

yellow - mage of light (moreso on the knowledge front than the luck front, similar to rose but more active in his role, likes to figure things out but using what shes previously learned)

blue - witch of life (FEFERI WOOO obv shes very witchy, leaf feels like theyd be more rebellious, life player bc its very energetic and tends to take on a healer role in the group)

red - knight of heart (tends to jump straight to protecting her friends, very impulsive and passionate/soulful, acts confident but is sometimes more hesitant than others realise)

victim - thief of hope (man i was so on point with this one)

chosen - mage of doom (has a lot of firsthand experience with doom and suffering, also suffers from their aspect, and very good at causing doom *cough* chosen has never won a fight on the right side *cough*)

dark - heir of time (very destructive by default, causes a lot of death, RED 🔥🔥🔥, but also logical, at times a bit too laid back and chill)

striker - maid of mind (maid im not sure on i just wasnt sure what else to do, mind bc shes very straightforward, thoughtful, plans ahead, very serious and logical)

purple - prince of blood (accidentally or on purpose fucks up almost all his relationships at some point, at the same time is also the reason most of his friends met in the first place, Prince = royalty theming, also matches with green)

mango - rogue of life (acts very skeptical and un-lifey but takes life from others to give to the people they care about)

gold - sylph of hope (loves to cheer people up, very hopeful and energetic demeanor, fairly childish, wants to make everyone happy all the time!!!)

hangman - bard of rage (calms people down, fairly chill compared to the other players, prefers to support and wishes people were more peaceful and mature)

ballista - knight of breath (session lacks breath for reasons i dont feel like describing rn, acts chill but actually feels like he cant live up to the title of Hero and isnt that carefree, protects the few people he attaches himself too <- that one scene in his original short where he draws upon the memories of his friends to open the door)

hazard - seer of void (ngl this is mostly just process of elimination but hazard feels pretty void oriented tbf. hes so chill hes not minding anyones business)

paleo - witch of heart (same as above </3 very passionate headstrong etc etc)

sorry for the word vomit in your inbox i want to talk to you more and idk how to initiate conversation other than random infodumps

OH I ABSOLUTELY DONT MIND PLEASE DO SEND ME STUFF LIKE THIS

oh this is so good. this is so good

my knowledge on classpects is probably slightly closer to surface level than yours lmao but from what i get GOD yes !!!!!! yellow being a mage of light / red being a knight of heart is literally them hello. absolutely. its in their code

PRINCE OF BLOOD PURPLE !!!!!!!! WOOOOOOO !!!!! thief of hope victim OH this is so good. im eating this up (id say my victim leans towards being a rogue a little bit. my whole rambling on how much i associate the motif of them being a "divine being sharing the gift of the animators with the outernet" typa thing) mage of doom chosen DONT even joke with me lad. im shaking him shaking him so hard

MAID OF MIND AGENT !!! MAID OF MIND AGENT !!! (even if not a maid shes still very much a mind player methinks)

oh knight of breath ballista oohhh ... this is so smart oh my god (and very obviously. already fits with one of his forms in "wanted" of literally looking like a knight lol)

wait i just realized green & purple knight and princ. cinder im gonna. im. oh this is SO good

[crown-jay]

Some further clarification on my (suspected) plurality

I just wanted to add onto my recent post about my suspicions about being a part of a median system, both to clarify some things and add on new thoughts I have had.

Alright, we're gonna make this a list because... Why not, I do what I want.

I am not claiming that I am 100% a part of a system. I am simple sharing my experiences and trying to understand them in the process. I am fully aware that it could be something else, and I am willing, in the future, to accept whatever else it may be, if it is in fact the case. (This is the main thing I wanted to say, so it's at the top of the list)

I do not know much about the facets in the system, I am mostly just aware of their (probable) existence. I am endeavouring to learn about them, as I think that it's important to acknowledge their existences, cause, you know, they're people too? (That is, if they're actually there)

I have realised I actually use plural first person pronouns for myself, like, a lot. I even did it in the beginning of this very post and only noticed after writing it. So that's cool, I guess. I think I do it more than I realise.

And, finally. In my original post, I said this: "My 'facets' don't think to me in my head, we don't talk to each other to communicate." But here's the thing... I have an incredibly hard time communicating with them. To the point that, maybe monoconcious is the wrong label? Idk, I think I can still get basic things across to and from them, but it's not any real communication. So yeah, that was maybe a bit of misdirect on my part, apologies.

Back on the topic of facets, I think my Orym fictotype might actually be a fabeling? He just feels... Different? Than, say, my other kintypes. For example, my Doctor fictotype is "literally me"™, I always feel like him on a certain level, even more so when in a shift. But when I have a "shift" of Orym, it feels like almost an additive? But not in the same way as my kintype shifts do. It's really hard to explain, but an Orym "kinshift" feels distinctly different to any other kinshift.

In the original post I said "I haven't switched before" which I don't actually think is true? I think it's happened a few times but I also think I'm probably front stuck (yippee) I'm in no way trying to stay in front, I'm totally open to others switching in and I have tried to switch out but it's just not working 🥲

I think that's it for now. To end off, I just want to say that median systems (and anyone, I guess) are free to both reblog this post and the original one, and also, tell me about your experiences! Send an ask, comment on a (relevant) post. Idk. Just feel free, it'd be super helpful and cool to see.

(Also @median-culture-is , idk if you want to see this or not, but here you go anyway lol)

[drdemonprince]

hey i know what im about to ask for advice for isnt ur experience but i thought its possible someone else in ur audience has had a similar one its just starting to get unbearable. im in my early 20s and an autistic lesbian. im almost done with college, have had good friends here, have had good friends online as well, but to my knowledge no one throughout my entire life has had even a crush on me. ive never kissed anyone, no one’s asked me out, even as a kid at recess or whatever. like sometimes i even wish a boy had paid attention to me in that way because maybe then it prove theres not something wrong with me. its just so isolating because literally everyone else in my life has at least been kissed or had a crush situation by the time they were my age. ive tried to talk on dating apps but i just have zero confidence about it because no one who has actually seen me or talked to me for more than a couple times has expressed interest. maybe im oblivious to it being autistic but like i would know if someone said something explicit you know? i feel like it wont ever happen. idk. i think it would help to know if people thought the same things about themselves and then something did happen for them. because it just feels like im the only person alive with this experience who actually wants these things to happen (like i know ace/aro people are out there, its just not me)

Thank you for your question. I'll share some of my thoughts, with the huge caveats that I have not lived this experience, and hopefully readers with more relevant perspectives could also weigh in.

I notice here that you describe yourself and your relationship to attraction in terms of things happening to you, or you receiving certain kinds of attention. You frame yourself throughout this as the possible passive recipient of attraction. But what about what you want? How often have you expressed desire to somebody? How frequently and in what ways have you initiated contact, told someone you were interested in them, or invited someone on a date?

You mention using dating sites and talking with people, but those conversations never turning into anything more. That seems to be a very common problem in the lesbian dating world. I think a lot of women do not feel confident and comfortable in expressing their desires outright and it seems to lead to a lot of grinding of gears and people assuming that nobody is interested in them when really all parties involved feel too shy and disempowered to use their words and directly ask for a date.

I understand that to be a very common thing for queer women, though admittedly it is difficult for me to wrap my mind around as someone who was telling people on OK Cupid that i wanted to meet up and fuck them that evening back when I was like 21 years old, and who moves through the realms of steamworks and grindr and the cell block bar dancefloor now. I've had many interpersonal problems but telling somebody directly that I wanted to bang or even to hang out has not historically been one of them, and I really wish I could just lend some of that hutzpah over to my lensbian siblings because I hear people grousing about how dry apps like Lex are all the time.

It seems pretty glib and unhelpful for me to say "just act more like a bluntly direct gay autistic man" and to say that would be to ignore that a lack of confidence and queer women skewing a bit passive are probably not the only factors you're dealing with. There might be biases working against you like fatphobia, racism, or ableism that incline fewer people to openly express desire for you, and that's a real problem that operates outside of you and that no amount of self love can eradicate, and I think it's validating and important to just acknowledge when the deck is stacked against people.

But there are lots of people out there who will want to date and fuck you, for sure, even if you are dealing with any of those injustices, and additionally, I doubt from your message that you're doing anything particularly weird or off putting in your messages with people on dating apps that's like driving anybody away. You mention that you have a lot of good friends and that things are otherwise going pretty decently for you in life, so it really doesn't seem to me like anything you are doing or bringing to the table is "wrong". And over the years I have known a great many lesbians and wlw who were very social, outgoing, fun to be around, cute, and a total romantic prize who just did not fuck or date until their late 20s or 30s or beyond, because of some of the social forces I already described (and again I encourage my lesbian followers to contribute to the conversation because I know it's not my lane and I might not be explaining the phenomenon correctly).

If you haven't, I would suggest showing your dating app profile and messages to some trusted friends (maybe some gay men as well as other queer women?) to get a variety of perspectives and some reassurance.

But I think, based on the admittedly limited information that I have here, that you just need to approach people more and more directly, and that slowly through that you will become more comfortable with initiation and rejection, as well as with seeing yourself as a sexual being with agency, rather than a passive receiver of others' interest.

Try telling people directly that they are cute, that you like them, that you want to be around them, that you'd like to kiss them, that you'd love to go see a movie with them or tie them up or finger blast them or that being near them makes you happy or horny or etc as the situation warrants. If you havent already that is!

[autopotion]

Inconsequential things that frustrate me: I really cannot stand it when fans of something can't or won't acknowledge a perspective of the thing they like that is not wholly, effusively positive. Of course people can be rude or unfair if the critic is annoyed by the thing, but I'm also talking about the situation where, like, two people both generally had a positive experience with the thing, but Person A goes "but x thing didn't work for me" and Person B reacts condescendingly or with extreme offense or upset.

Like in this case I'm specifically thinking of Outer Wilds, which is a reddit darling, so you see it recommended all the time (regardless of, like... relevance). I love Outer Wilds! It was a cool game and it's in my top 50! But the way people talk about it, they act like it's the only mystery game with a heartfelt story ever made, and if you indicate that some things didn't work for you, they will mock you for not appreciating "games as art." This coming from a demographic that typically dismisses visual novels outright... Okay lmao.

It's just really annoying. Anyone who's followed me for more than a couple weeks knows I have no problem airing out my complaints about things I love. It's a critical part of engaging with media, to me. Not as like a "virtue signaling" thing, but like, if I want to make anything ever I want to get pretty good at picking apart what works for me and what doesn't! I love Dragon Age and despise the obnoxious elf racism worldbuilding. Final Fantasy has a pretty serious misogyny & transmisogyny problem; if we're talking about pettier quibbles, I deeply disliked the defanging of AVALANCHE in FFVIIR (a game I have also praised extensively for its characterization of Aerith), and I'm repeatedly frustrated by the many damsel plots & hanging plot threads re: relationships between women in FFT (my favorite game of all time!!). Transistor is gorgeous, and really fun, and uncomfortably homophobic. And even OUTSIDE of racism, misogyny, and homophobia, sometimes game mechanics don't work, and sometimes storytelling decisions fall flat, and I want to work out why they didn't work for me! I don't know!!!

It's just like... put yourself, briefly, in the shoes of someone who didn't care for some decisions in the thing you like, instead of, idk, mocking them? "I couldn't handle the flight controls in Outer Wilds" totally fair, they're an acquired taste, they were designed intentionally which I appreciate but it's not going to be for everyone; "I liked Outer Wilds but I don't think it's the most groundbreaking game ever made" LITERALLY NOT EVEN A NEGATIVE OPINION??? And that's the one that is CONSTANTLY derided and mocked on Reddit. "You don't get games as art, you pleb." I'm starting to think one of us doesn't, because a robust critic scene is part of what makes something art, and video games don't have that, much to their detriment, so the world of games journalism and even "sharing opinions online" is a shambles! IDK!!!

All I am saying is allow some space in your head for the acknowledgement of something you like not working for someone else. And it's not the end of the world. It's not even a value judgement. I've softened my hater attitude over the years but some knee-jerk defensiveness and cries of "well you must not really get it then" really make me want to pull my hair out.

[servin-up-surveys]

survey #152

boyfriend survey

What’s his first name? Donald Jr., but I've only ever known him as Girt.

Does his surname begin with the same letter as yours? No.

How old is he? 29 and thinks he's basically 60 lol dude you are still in the youth of your life

How long have you been together? A year and eight months.

Do you have a casual or serious relationship? Serious.

How often do you see each other? At least once a week, sometimes maybe one more day. In very rare cases it's gotten past a week, and then I'm just miserable lol

Do you live together? Not yet.

Do you have keys to each other’s places? I know I don't, and I don't think Girt does either, but maybe Mom's given him one at some point.

When was the last time you saw him? Uh it's been like... around five days?

What is the age gap between you? Is he older or younger than you? Two or three years, I can't math, like he's gonna be 30 before I turn 28, but right NOW he's two years older.

Have you met his parents? His mom, yes, his dad died before I ever met his family.

Has he met your parents? Yes.

How many siblings does he have? One sister.

Have you met his siblings? Yes, she's fantastic.

Has he met your siblings? Ashley and Nicole, definitely, and I feeeeel like he's actually met Katie once at Nicole's birthday party many many years ago? I know he hasn't met Bobby, and I'm quite sure not Misty either.

What’s his name in your phone? "Girt <3"

Have you talked about marriage? Yeah, it's not an uncomfortable topic for us, we're both very open about being in this for the long run, especially with just how long we've been friends, though being a couple is obviously different.

Does he have any kids? No.

Does he want kids? I don't think so, but since hearing him say he didn't early in our relationship, he's since said "every guy wants a daughter" when talking casually about kids and that he'd prefer one over a son, but I don't know exactly how he meant that, like how relevant it was to his own, actual life.

Do you see a future with him? Yeah.

Are you “Facebook official”? lol not technically, it's stuck on "pending" because he's never been one to pay attention to Facebook at all, dude barely even knows how things work on there, so he missed the notification to verify it at some point, but thankfully it doesn't bother me, he puts no effort into hiding we're together at all, and that's what matters.

How did you meet him? High school band.

Where did you go for your first date? It was actually bowling, the first time we tried dating, but during our current and much more "real" relationship, it was uhhhh... wow I'm not sure I remember.

Who was the first one to make a move? Originally, him; he asked me out the first time, but I asked him out this go, but I only had the guts to because I was pretty confident he felt the same still, lol.

Have you spoken to him today? On Discord, yes; we do that every day. I haven't verbally spoken to him.

What’s his favorite pizza topping? With our history I'm actually amazed I'm not positive on this haha, I wanna just say pepperoni though?

Does he cook? He knows how to cook two things and that's it, lol. Still better than me.

What sort of phone does he have? Some sort of good quality Android, idk the details.

What size is his bed? I literally still haven't seen his room lmfao, I'm not sure.

Does he like to be big spoon or little spoon when you cuddle? Big spoon, but there are definitely times in bed when he faces away I'm cuddling against him, he finds it hard to fall asleep facing/cuddling me.

Is he a good kisser? Yeah.

Does he make you happy? He absolutely does, more than anyone else is able to.

What’s his fashion style? Comfort haha, regular pants and t-shirts, particularly Saikou brand stuff.

Does he drive? If so, what sort of car? Yes, but I forget what it is. It's black.

Has he ever bought you an item of clothing? Haha he's wanted to before actually but I was too reluctant to share my shirt size, regardless of how stupid that is.

Does he have any piercings? No.

Is he more fun or serious? Fun.

What does he do for a living? He's worked at a big tire factory for like, nine years.

When is the next time you’ll see him? Probably within the next few days.

What’s his favorite thing to drink? Water, this man can destroy water.

Does he live alone, with roommates or with parents? Well it's technically her living with him, but his mom. Actually one of his best friends does too because of familial problems.

Does he have any pets? Yeah, he has a super sweet pit/shepherd mix named Charlie.

Is he your first boyfriend? No.

What was the last movie you watched with him? Wow I have no idea, we don't watch movies much, which is fine with me because I have a hard time getting through movies anyway.

Is he an active person? Well his job is physical and he has long shifts so kinda, but he doesn't do much outside of work.

What’s his favorite candy? Good question, he doesn't let himself have candy a lot at all. I do know he loves Sour Patch, though.

Have you ever met his best friend? Yes.

What’s your favorite physical quality of his? He has an adorable smile, and I like his arms/shoulders.

What color is his hair? Black but graying early and he haaates it.

Do you argue with him often? No, that's really rare for us.

Where was the last place you went with him? Red Robin for Mother's Day.

What color is his toothbrush? Don't know actually.

What kind of movies does he like to watch? Also a good question, but I can tell you he's not a horror fan.

Have you celebrated either of your birthdays together? Yeah.

Does he play any instruments? He was the guy who played tuba in band, and briefly the trombone before I started high school, but I'm doubtful he remembers anything by now.

Do you have any mutual friends? Yes.

How often do you talk to him on the phone? Basically never, I've learned that there have been times he's wanted to call me just to talk but doesn't just because he knows I hate talking on the phone haha, like dude you're an exception.

Does he have a beard or is he clean-shaven? He never has a full beard, genetically he doesn't get a lot of facial hair, but sometimes he has a little bit but generally stays shaved.

What was the last compliment he gave you? I'm not sure, even though he gives 'em quite a bit. We call each other cute a whole lot, so there's a good chance it was that, haha.

Does he dance? No, he's told me he can't and bitch same

Is he taller or shorter than you? He's quite a lot taller.

Has he ever bought you flowers? Twice now. :'D

Do you ever borrow his clothes? No, I doubt his shirts would even fit me; I weigh a lot more than him, although with how tall and broad he is, some shirts might but I kinda don't wanna try and find out they don't lol

Is he a clean or messy person? He knows he's messy and it's the reason I haven't seen his room yet lol, he doesn't believe me when I say I don't care.

What color are his eyes? Brown.

What does he wear to bed? Pj pants and a normal shirt or sometimes no shirt, he'll sometimes change into new work clothes the night before and just sleep in them so he can have more time asleep lol, extremely rarely nothing.

Does he keep his fingernails clean? Reasonably, but I mean he works in a tire factory with the tires so they're not like pristine.

Have you ever shared a shower with him? No, I don't want to share a shower with anyone.

How long after your first date did you see him again? I don't remember, but I'm sure it wasn't that long.

What’s his bedroom like? As mentioned earlier, I actually don't know.

Has he ever had braces? Uhhh I don't think so? I know he hasn't while I've known him.

When was the last time you kissed him? The last time he was here, a few nights ago.

Do you celebrate Valentine’s Day with him? Yes.

How long were you together before you said “I love you”? We never did the first time we tried dating years ago, which was around four months, and I can't quite remember how long it was until I said it and he said it back. It was definitely a few months, though.

What sort of shoes does he usually wear? Sneakers of some sort, I don't pay attention to exactly what they are.

Do you know any of his exes? No.

What’s his favourite cuisine? I'm not certain, but I know he likes Mexican quite a bit.

Was he born in the country he now lives in? Yes.

Have you ever been long-distance with him? No.

Does he ever wear any type of jewelry? No.

What was the first present you got for him? I'm not certain, it really might have been the Vitamin Me thing I got for our first anniversary, because I absolutely couldn't NOT get him something so I sucked it up and asked my mom, I'm still the one that made all the little notes, what really made up the gift.

What was the first present he got for you? ugh this is much harder, he's actually gotten a lot, apparently gifts are one of the stronger love languages from him. I want to say it was a Carbuncle from Final Fantasy plush, the first time we dated; I saw a picture of one and freaked out over how cute it was and then he fuckin showed up with it lmao, I still want to get him out of the bags with my other stuffed animals to keep out.

Does he smoke? No.

What TV shows is he watching at the moment? I don't think he's actively watching anything at home; it's usually us watching stuff together, and we've yet to start a new show since we just finished one.

Have you ever visited him at work? Yes, there was one day I brought him lunch.

Does he play video games? Oh yes, that's his "thing," he loves games.

What was the last thing you argued about? Well it wasn't really an argument since he agreed with me immediately, but he made a bad joke that just shouldn't have been made and it upset me.

Is he straight? Yes.

When is his birthday? I don't feel right sharing that on here.

Have you ever shared a bath with him? No.

Does he ride a motorcycle? No.

How long is his hair? Not very long, but it's not suuuuper short either. He has really thick hair like me and it's also curly, so while it doesn't actually like hang down his neck, there's a good deal of it.

Have you ever been overseas with him? No.

Does he have any tattoos? If so, which one is your favorite? Not yet, but he wants some. I know he'd like a big one on his back and he likes the idea of having a sleeve.

What is his favorite alcoholic beverage? He's never drunk and isn't interested.

Does he speak any languages other than English? He took quite a bit of Spanish in school and remembers some of it, but he's definitely not fluent.

Is he college/university educated? Mostly, yes, but he dropped out during his last semester because of his dad's death, it became way too much. He wants to go back eventually.

How long have you known him? Over a decade, I don't know the exact years by this point.

Does he text back quickly? If he's not at work, generally, yes, he messages back quickly. Off work though he will occasionally get distracted and forget to reply, he's one of those people that can read a message and then forget to message back by the time he can, but it doesn't happen a bothersome amount.

Have you ever celebrated Christmas with him? Not Christmas day, we spend it with our own immediate families.

Has he ever been in a physical fight? He's either been in one when younger or none at all, I can't remember which. I know he hit another guy once as a child because he wasn't leaving him alone, but I feel like he may have mentioned fighting with a guy once? I don't remember.

Did you go to the same high school as him? Yes, that's where we met.

[spacephrasing]

idk if this is true for anyone else but when i'm writing about mystery inc or reading other fics, i rarely think about the live action versions

[imperialkatwala]

Love languages of the people on the Dream SMP (/rp)

Dream: Words of affirmation, quality time

This is from earlier in the SMP when Dream actually, you know, cared about things

He loves talking to his friends and telling them he loves them :')

Also! Just before Doomsday, even though he wanted to get there early, he noticed that Techno was panicking a little and kept telling him it was okay, they had time

George: Quality time

He just strikes me as a quality time person, idk

Sapnap: Physical touch, acts of service

Watch Sapnap throw himself into danger to protect his friends and tell me I'm wrong

He looks like he would give very good very warm hugs and he deserves to enjoy giving said hugs

He's constantly just. Standing next to his friends. No personal space with this boy because he loves them :D

BadBoyHalo: Words of affirmation

He just says a lot of really nice things okay

Tommy: Physical touch, quality time

The BENCH

He loves people!!! So much!!! He Constantly wants to hang out with his friends and know what they're up to

This is the clingiest boy on the planet, you know I'm right

Also this is why exile and isolation hurt him so much :)

Tubbo: Quality time, physical touch

Also the bench

Anyone who hangs out that much with Tommy is gonna like touch, he doesn't have a choice

Vibes with his friends Constantly, he will just hang out in the background and chat :)

I feel like he's the sort of person to come up to you, curl up against you, and just stay there like a cat

Fundy: Acts of service, words of affirmation

He likes doing things for people! Like literally everything he did on the date with Dream and then everything he did for the wedding (give this boy some appreciation for his coding skills he deserves it)

Wilbur talking down to him REALLY bugged him, which is very valid, but also if words are important, then words that aren't supportive are going to be way more irritating

He just wants someone to tell him he's doing a good job ;-;

Wilbur: Words of affirmation

His squeaky little "Really???" when Phil called him the greatest musician in town

He threatens to cry Every Single Time Tommy calls him his brother

"No one's gonna laugh at you, Tommy," just that whole segment (before Techno shows up)

Niki: Acts of service

She's often in the background, a silent supporter (she deserves more plot relevancy but that's another post)

I feel like being present and quietly helpful as much as she is is less about the time spent and more about the being there for people

Quackity: Words of affirmation

I have no justification for this one, those are just his vibes

Karl: Physical touch, words of affirmation

Again, vibes

Also he's canonically engaged to Sapnap and Quackity and I am Soft for people sharing languages with their partners because it's really cute

Technoblade: Gift giving, acts of service

He is Constantly giving his allies armor and weapons (the vault in Pogtopia, the Welcome Home Theseus vault)

"Here Phil, take this totem, take these friendship emeralds, take this compass, take whatever you need"

When listing reasons he felt betrayed, he mostly mentioned the things he'd given people and the things he'd done for them

Kills (often silently and without being asked) any and all hostile mobs that come within ten feet of his allies (particularly baby zombies that come near Phil)

Philza: Quality time, acts of service

May I direct your attention to the streams he did with Techno during Techno's retirement? Watch the turtle stream and tell me I'm wrong

He built like three farms with/for Techno, after building a blaze farm in the Nether for the whole server to use

He likes to vibe with people :)

Ranboo: Gift giving

He is So Determined to not take ANYTHING of Techno's that he has not been explicitly given

"How do I make Techno like me? Oh I know, I'll give him an enchanted axe to replace his old one! :D" Like that was his first Make Techno Like Me strategy, just give him a present

There's something else. He has a secondary language. I just can't pin down what it is.

I know this isn't everyone and I'm sorry, but these are the only people whose content I watch enough for me to get a good read on them

[recookerator]

Im not really properly caught up on lore, but does anyone else find the plot point of people finding out about c!Tommy’s abuse and attempted suicid3 without Tommy’s knowledge like. Really gross?

It’s such a personal topic in general, and constantly seeing people within the story use it as like. Some sort of shock factor or to get a desired reaction/feeling/lesson out of their character is really fucking wrong to me… Especially when that character has little to no connection to Tommy what-so-ever.

Idk. Like, I know people can write their characters** to come upon Logstedshire without knowing, for example Tubbo (I’ll get into him in a sec), but with how it’s being treated, it’s dragging an onslaught of constant reminders of literally the lowest point of c!Tommy’s storyline, even if it’s well intended mourning/condolences (which I don’t even understand why they would do that considering the character I’m referring to has never had a single interaction with c!tommy ever). From a writing point of view it’s just pointlessly damaging to a character that’s already been damaged enough.

And sure, you can argue that it was a purposeful writing decision to set up for character growth or characterization, but like so many people have said: It’s getting old re-using one of the most pivotal moments in the story that, once again, has absolutely no relevance to your character.

(A perfect solution to this would’ve been c!eret telling c!aimsey that there’s a time and a place, and that it’s not their place to tell them what had happened! Gasp!!! I managed to imply the severity of the situation without directly disrespecting the victim effected 🎉🎉)

Anyways. Looping back to my first point. C!Tommy had willingly and openly stated what had happened at Logstedshire to one person, and that is because that one person is close enough to Tommy for him to feel safe and willing to share this information. If other characters have found out about it, they have no right to bring it up, even implicitly, until Tommy has. And it’s certainly not the job of someone else to bring others to a place that has no effect on them personally. Like I know it sounds like I’m preaching to imaginary characters rn, but I’m really preaching to the cc’s to know how to write respectfully when they decide to include themselves into a plot involving themes of su!c!de !!!! It just feels disrespectful and there’s easy solutions to the problems you want to tackle that aren’t this

Anyways I lied I’m gonna talk about Tubbo/clingyduo in a separate post cause this is taking too much brain power for me to figure out my wording (also it’s 4am and I have class at 9 oops)

** People out of character can also run into it on accident but I assume it has no relevance to the story considering they should be ooc :pp

[chussyracing]

☕ charles because I cannot help myself

Our sweetest baby, our little sunshine, the reason we wake up in the morning, our shared community girlfriend, our tiny little cherub, our sweet lil duckling, the cutest darling, the most polite babyboy, the snuggliest cuddle bug.

chrainrot (charles brainrot) under the cut

I can never put into words what he means to me, I like him so much it makes me look silly but I’m past the point of caring now. Everyone loves him (if they don’t, they’re simply not relevant for this conversation and they can die jealous of him) because he has this bright personality that makes u smile unintentionally. He gives everyone those heart eyes and smiles with that sweet soft look on his face whether he is talking to someone on his team or other drivers or in interviews or with fans. He adores his fans almost as much as we adore him, he will spend hours signing stuff just to make everyone happy, he will give out all the caps he brought with him to a race weekend just to give it to someone he meets, he will stop to take pictures although he is all sweaty and tired and hungry and what not. And he is the best brother to Arthur and Lorenzo and you can SEE how strong that bond is and it never changed with the fame, they are still the little boys who adore each other who won’t stop protecting each other although they are more grown up now.

He is so beautiful, like so beautiful he transcends sexuality. I haven’t liked LIKED a man in years and here we are. His hair is so soft and while other drivers ruin it with a new haircut or a ton of hair gel, it never happens with charles because somehow he still pulls it off (and when he takes of his balaclava and his hair is so sweaty and all over the place, some part of me always dies inside he’s just too pretty). His eyes are the shiniest little stars and they bear so many emotions in them they can make u cry or laugh or fall in love in seconds, he’s like a siren. His cheeks are asking to be held in your palms so you can feel it when he blushes underneath and when his dimples appear so u could poke them and make him giggle. His lips are so perfectly heart-shaped it makes u question if he is real or just a figment of your imagination. They look so soft and always so pink and he never stops licking them in interviews and it drives me absolutely crazy, i need to bite my fist just thinking about it. I will skip talking about the rest becasue again, I’m gay and I could genuinely write sonnets about the shape of his tiddies and about the purpose his thighs were shaped just like THAT. Let me just tell you they are perfect exactly the way they are they serve the purpose exactly how god intended. You can shit on his fashion sense all u want but i’m kinda digging it. He just pulls it off although I wouldn’t wear half the stuff in his closet (closet lol, no more gay jokes i know, i will shut up). You know how the clothes would look even better? on the bedroom floor. And his voice and his accent aww I could cry sometimes when he talks and i also wanna make a tape to listen to to fall asleep instead of a lullaby. He is so smart it only makes sense he can switch between like 6 languages. Idk what is bigger his brain his heart or his [redacted] (unrelated but one day we need to speak about his hands and fingers and rings and how he grips the wheel and how he stroked that trophy and how he plays piano gently and about the veins good lord take mercy on me)

Last but not least of course, he is such a talented driver. It was literally meant to be, he couldn’t be anywhere but in Ferrari. The fate threw everything at him and yet here we are, look at him thriving, look at him serving cunt, look at him being faster than anyone else on the track, look at him thinking about the race like a game of chess, knowing where to overtake anyone what is each driver’s weakness, where he gains and losts the most. He worked so hard on himself both mentally and physically and now they provided him with a car to shine and i can’t believe some people are only catching up now like sorry u uncultured swine why don’t u rewatch the whole 2017 f2 season and maybe u realize why he is called il predestinato. He can smash alfa 37902 B on his wheel while drivin 250 kmph, he can wave to the fans while speeding around the track, he has DEVILISH starts and can overtake from outside and from inside, he can pull out a perfect 360° and continue his lap unbothered and he can fucking pull xavi’s leg on the radio in the last lap of a race that ended prematurely for many drivers due to reliability issues. i am asking IS THERE ANYTHING THIS MAN CAN’T DO?

Send ☕ + [topic] for spicy opinions

[thirstyforoc]

🎂

I know his birthday was a couple days ago but my brain doesn't work that well and I'm always early for everything else, I can be late for this.

Here's something to read that's probably not great and wordy and rambly and really only relevant to my own interests. I had to hammer this out because I just had to and it took longer than I expected because I can't shut the fuck up. Read it if you feel like it or don't, I'll still love you either way.

Using real names so don't keep going if that bothers you. I didn't post the picture but I make a reference to that one pic of him at Medieval Times, you know the one, at least I hope you do. Enjoy.

Idk, I just like picturing every single birthday Dustin and Jim have spent together since they became friends. Sue me. I have too much time on my hands and like to think about their relationship so I have to get this out. Here. Take it.

It's early in their friendship, a few years in. They're in Philly for a show and Dustin knows it's almost Jim's birthday, he's aware it's coming up but he forgot what day it fell on and that it was so soon until Jim brings it up. He's never super sober or super clear on what day of the week it is, that's just how he lives. If anyone has a problem with it that's on them. Jim never seems to take issue with it though. Maybe that's why their friends?

It's the Friday before his birthday. They're hanging out at Dustin's place before heading to the show and Jim reminds Dustin when his birthday is. "Tuesday? Your fucking birthday is on a Tuesday this year? Gross. Jim Day on a Tuesday. Lame."

Jim laughs a little, the soft laugh he always gives Dustin when he's being a certain kind of ridiculous or obnoxious, like he can't believe he's saying what he's saying. "You know I don't get to pick what day my birthday falls on, right? Tell me you know that. I need to hear you say you know that."

"I mean, yuck. What's there to do on a Tuesday?"

"I dunno. I don't really have any plans this year." Truth be told Jim's not all that concerned with how he's going to spend his actual birthday. Perhaps he'll do something with friends or family back in Jersey? Maybe he won't. It's not a big, special, milestone birthday or anything. No reason to go all out.

Dustin absolutely, positively will not shut up about it. No matter how many times Jim grunts or rolls his eyes Dustin just keeps talking and babbling about how it's a crime for someone's birthday to fall on a Tuesday. Jim's on the verge of asking Dustin exactly what is wrong with Tuesdays anyway when Dustin pauses to look right at him. "We should just start now."

"Huh?"

"Today."

"Today?"

"Yeah. Like, spend the whole weekend partying. Today is your birthday. Tomorrow is your birthday. Keep the Jim Day train on the tracks through Sunday, Monday, your actual birthday. You said you didn't have plans, right? Just stay. You'll stay and it'll be like...like one long birthday instead of a fucking boring ass birthday on a Tuesday of all days. Yeah, you'll stay and...and you'll stay and we'll find things to do every day. So, you'll stay." It's never a question. It's already been decided that Jim's going to agree. Dustin never sounds uncertain, says it with such confidence. He's not fearful even for one second Jim might say he isn't down.

Dustin wants him to stay so Jim does. Sure, he's got things he could be doing at home, was planning on staying maybe through Saturday and heading back Sunday morning, Sunday evening at the latest but he could stay. Yeah, he will stay. Dustin wants him to stay so he's staying.

Work will go on without him. He'll call his family and tell them something came up. If his parents or siblings are upset they can find a way to celebrate his birthday once he's home and recovered from what's bound to be a bender if he knows anything at all about Dustin. Dustin wants him to stay. He'll stay.

Man, go home where he's made no plans, where there's no party, and most of all no Dustin or have the time of his life all weekend with one of his best friends? Wow, that's a hard choice. Dustin really seems to want him to stay so he's staying.

Friday night they head to the nearest bar after the show is over, close down the damn thing and stay up laughing and talking on Dustin's couch for three hours once they get back. They're not even paying attention to the time, neither one cares. Drinking and partying with all their wrestling friends was fun but at the end of the night it's nice that it's just the two of them. It's nice.

The next morning is a bit rough. Ok, they aren't conscious until afternoon but 2pm counts as morning when it's Dustin and Jim you're talking about. Saturday-it's Saturday, right?-is pretty much the same only the drinking begins much earlier, like pretty much as soon as they're both showered and get some food in their stomachs. Day drinking is a lot of fun, so much fun that a short nap is necessary before they head out to meet their friends again. Actually, they kind of passed out together on the couch watching tv, it was completely unintentional and unplanned. They probably would have slept the rest of the day away if not for Dustin being startled awake by Jim's loud snoring. "Thank god we don't live together." Dustin thinks for a moment while watching Jim sleep. Well, maybe that wouldn't be all bad. Whatever, can't think about it too long, they have to get up.

Saturday night is even wilder than Friday night. They drink too much. Way too much. They're tanked. Bombed. Blitzed. Completely fucked. Dustin kept buying them shots and when their bar tab got a little too high he simply shifted to telling everyone who would listen it was Jim's birthday, coaxed a bunch of other drunks into buying them more shots.

Sunday is the worst. They're suffering when they finally roll out of bed and off the couch for good and both agree easily, immediately they should take it easy today. There's a shitty, cheap diner close to Dustin's place so they stop there to eat dinner, share a huge plate of greasy diner food that Dustin pays for. Friends keep asking if they're coming to the bar again but both of them are in rocky shape from the night before. They sit Sunday night out, convalesce on Dustin's couch quietly, chug water and make small talk while they recover.

Monday evening Dustin takes Jim to Medieval Times because the little guy has talked about it so many times since they first met, drops hints constantly about how he wants to go-not this weekend but Dustin remembers him mentioning it-so Dustin figures now would be good. It's the little hunk's birthday after all.

On the drive there they swear they're going to take it easy, agree to have a couple glasses of wine with dinner and call it good. What a crock of shit. After cracking open their third bottle of the night Jim insists he's going to sit on that throne because he'll look badass so Dustin follows. He follows his little drunk blond friend everywhere, why wouldn't he? Gotta keep tabs on him, make sure he's safe, keep eyes on him. Jim doesn't ask but Dustin takes several pictures of him on that throne, laughs the entire time because Jim is hilarious and fun and cute, really fucking cute, especially with almost two bottles of wine in him.

"Ooh. C'mon." Jim grabs Dustin's wrist so fast he damn near drops his phone, leads him towards the photo booth in the lobby. The little shit is lucky Dustin has some cash on him, Dustin can tell from the look on his face he isn't going to take no for an answer. Jim shoves Dustin in first and almost crashes down on his lap, drunk on wine and apparently really fucking excited about them taking pictures together.

The booth is tiny. The seat is narrow. Jim's a compact little guy but Dustin's certainly not. To say they're crammed in there would be an understatement but they manage. Dustin forgets to look where he's supposed to look, far too preoccupied with staring at the little blond planted on his lap. "King for a day." Jim laughs, flashes Dustin a huge, vibrant smile as he points to the novelty crown on his head.

Maybe Dustin's going soft? Maybe he had more wine than he thought? Maybe they've spent a little too much time together the last few days? Maybe. Maybe not. All Dustin knows is it's easier for him to blame the urge to kiss Jim right in this photo booth on one of those things instead of being honest with himself and admitting he has feelings for the guy.

"Maybe Jim shouldn't have such pretty pink lips if I can't kiss him." Definitely can't say that out loud. Hold on. Rewind. Go back to the beginning. Jim's drunk and smiling and the booth is still snapping pictures of them. "Say something that doesn't involve his lips, you moron!"

Easier said than done. Dustin's brain makes it sound so simple. The truth is it's really difficult, borderline impossible to stop thinking about his pretty mouth. Jim's still looking at him so Dustin smiles back, reaches over and brushes his fingertips across Jim's cheek. "You're always a king to me, baby." Why the fuck did he say that? He would have been better off just kissing Jim. Jim just laughs, a huge, easy laugh that goes on until the little voice in the booth tells them to wait outside for their pictures to process. Jim climbs off his lap and the moment is over, gone, finished just as quickly as it came. Oh well. Maybe next time. It's not like Dustin's going to forget he wants to kiss him anytime soon.

They're so drunk at the conclusion of their night at Medieval Times they need to leave Dustin's car there and catch a cab home. Whatever. He'll have someone drive him back so he can pick it up in the morning. They had fun. No harm done. A friend gives them both a lift to pick up Dustin's shitty old car and they're already out so they kick off Tuesday by going out for brunch. It's a lot pricier than the greasy spoon diner by Dustin's place and they'll both be broke by the time they're done celebrating but that doesn't really matter does it? Birthdays only come once a year and today is literally Jim's birthday. It's Jim day.

They're full of delicious food by the time they're through and stop at a liquor store to buy supplies for mimosas to drink at home because they both agreed it'd be the cheaper route. They're not trying to get hammered, just sip throughout the day and maintain a nice buzz until it's time to head to the bar. It's Tuesday. Fuck, when did they start this again? Who cares. It's Tuesday. It's Jim Day. It's not until almost midnight on Tuesday that Dustin realizes neither one of them has bothered to talk to a single girl all weekend. Huh. Weird.

Shortly after midnight they toast with a couple shots of whiskey. They call it a night before last call and pick up the most unhealthy food they can find on the way back to Dustin's place, devour it while relaxing on his couch. That's where they fall asleep too, Jim slumped over in a heap on Dustin's shoulder, Dustin simply smiling before putting an arm around the little guy and drifting off shortly after.

Wednesday is pretty chill. Jim's actual birthday has passed and they've been going pretty hard for the last few days. Dustin's suggestion to hit up the grocery store and make dinner at his place is half because they're almost broke and half because they're both sorta worn out. Jim agrees, seems happy about it if Dustin's being honest and that's a relief. He's not much of a cook but for Jim he'll make an exception. It is his birthday, or was his birthday. It may never end, may never stop being his birthday.

They leave the dirty dishes in the sink and waste the rest of the night playing video games, stay up damn near long enough to see the sunrise before they remember it'd be a good idea to get some sleep. It's strange watching Jim curl up on the couch that final time. Dustin knows he's got to go home at some point. The guy doesn't live in Philly, doesn't live here. He's got a life to go back to. He can't just spend all his time hanging out, that's ridiculous. Dustin knows it's completely, utterly ridiculous but he wants Jim to stay. He can't stay.

When they finally wake up on Thursday Dustin is oddly nervous, uneasy. They've never spent such a long stretch together, this is easily the most he's seen of Jim, the most time they've shared since they became friends. It's difficult to admit to himself but Dustin liked it. He liked having Jim around. He liked what he saw. Yeah, they were already friends, best friends but it seems different now and Dustin isn't sure what to do with that knowledge, that feeling.

Time for Jim to leave comes quickly. Before Dustin's had an opportunity to process everything that transpired from the time Jim got to his place Friday afternoon to now Jim's ready to make the trip home. It sucks. There's got to be another excuse, another reason to ask Jim to stay, right? No. He can't do that. He won't do that. Jim can't stay. His birthday has passed. Back to normal, regular life. He'll see Jim in a couple weeks for the next show anyway. He can't stay.

Dustin's not expecting Jim to hug him goodbye. Normal people, friends hug goodbye all the time, he's not sure why it comes as a surprise when Jim's hands are on the back of his neck and the little guy is mumbling something about how much fun he had, thanking Dustin. "You're welcome. Happy birthday." Dustin barely manages to say. Fuck, he's such an idiot. He's not even hugging Jim back. He really should do that.

He does hug Jim back after a few awkward moments, squeezes him a bit too tight judging by that little noise Jim just made. Why else would he make a sound like that? Dustin eases up, lets go of his waist and looks down at his little blond friend. Yeah, this sucks. What, like he's supposed to spend almost six full days with a guy like Jim and not be bothered when it's time for him to leave? He can't stay.

He can't stay but Dustin's not about to let Jim escape without joking around with him one last time. "So, same thing next year? Holy shit, your birthday is gonna fall on a Wednesday next year! Lame. A birthday on a Wednesday is even worse than one on a Tuesday. Gross, dude."

"Shut up. Your birthday rolls around first, remember? Let's plan for that first."

"Deal."

[aks3raao1]

Ah, yes. My first Tumblr post. Idk why I felt the need to share all my pet peeves abt Tokyo Ghoul here since it's already on my wattpad in my Shitpost but ig a part of me wants to see how this works...

You can find me on wattpad if you search this username: Ax3lQu33n

Ok, let's get started. Don't attack me. Btw, I made this like a rlly long time ago fyi

My Opinion on Tokyo Ghoul Even Though No One Asked

I just finished Tokyo Ghoul and I gotta say...good anime. I liked the ending a lot. But I understand why people don't like it... I understand that a lot. And I feel like ranting about it because many of these points are my pet peeves when it comes to stories. Oh, and I never read the manga. This is strictly about the anime.

This may seem offensive to anyone who likes Tokyo Ghoul so just beware. Also, SPOILER ALERT! Btw, I had a really hard time not dropping this.

1. Too many characters

Tokyo Ghoul had WAY too many characters that they didn't know what to do with. It's like Pokemon. Eventually, they added so many Pokemon that they didn't know what to do with them so in the end, they were just...there.

An example of this would be in Tokyo Ghoul: Re (don't remember which 1 tho), there was a girl with blonde hair over her face like a mop bc she didn't like her freckles. They literally just used that scene to explain a character death but it was really...irrelevant. At that point, they literally just killed off a character bc they could. And we barely knew that character too so...it made no sense.

And a bunch of characters didn't have any relevance to the main plot and were mostly just seen fighting. That really peeved me off bc...you just don't do that if you want a good story. Plus, too many of the characters were only introduced way later. Always get the character introductions out the way before you carry on with ANYTHING else.

Tip for writing: Don't use too many characters. Give yourself a minimum and a maximum or else everything will get confusing/seem like it has no relevance. And ALWAYS introduce the majority that will have major plot relevance first.

2. Too much and yet, not enough character backstory

They gave almost every character a good backstory and only discussed it briefly. Instead of hooking the audience and making them wanting more, they just carried on to the next character which made it seem...boring. And the characters they made us want more of, they never even discussed them. It was like everything was left in subtext/watcher's interpretation which is a huge pet peeve that I have... If you're gonna do that, do it right.

Ayato Kirishima was e p i c. You can't change my mind. But...we barely knew anything about his past. We just knew he was Toka's brother and that he was mad at his dead dad. We still didn't know for WHAT. He was an interesting character that showed up at the right time in the right ways and was important to the story as well as certain characters but

We. Didn't. Even. Get. A. Full. Back. Story.

They give us a backstory on the dude with the white hair that was like their body guard or smth rather briefly and even tho it was linked to them and their parents, it still didn't explain why Ayato hated his dad so much or why Toka was dead set on defending him and then later called him an idiot... ONLY IN TG: RE DID WE HEAR THAT THEIR DAD HAD BEEN KILLING BC OF BLOODLUST

Bro...that was srsly too fucking late...

3. HEAVY plot armour and not sticking to the basis

Did y'all notice that in TG: Re, Kaneki and everyone else ate...human food? As sustenance and nutrition?? Not to lessen suspicion??? When in season 1, Kaneki couldn't even stomach down a sandwich? What happened here-

And in the first season as well, they said that ghouls can't have their skin penetrated by things such as knives and etc. Only if your strength is comparable to that of a ghoul's will you be able to deal such a blow. Or if you were using your kagune. That's the reason they invented those weapons using ghoul's kagunes, right?

So...why did they drop that at a point? Juzo (bless his soul, I love him) used literal knives, normal knives to fight off ghouls when the scythe was impractical. Now...where does that make sense? It definetly wasn't a quinque-

Not only that, but somewhere in TG: Re, someone uses a golden sword thingy that's mainly used as a prop in a household. It has a thin blade and is for speedy attacks. It wouldn't work against a ghoul. Yet, he pierced one with it. Then there's me wondering why it didn't break... Forget the guy not being strong enough to deal such a blow, WHY DIDN'T IT FUCKING BREAK?!

And the plot armour part: the things you're supposed to die from just...don't kill you? Heads were still fucking talking after they've been decapitated and people got slashed to PIECES but THEY DIDN'T DIE. Only if it was to continue on with some 💖drama💖 in the plot, did they die by smth trivial. And most characters just got cut off for no apparent reason...

It's like a clear message to us that the world is unfair.

Tip for writing: Don't just kill off characters to advance toward a certain point in the plot, there are other ways. And REMEMBER THE BASIS THAT YOU LAID DOWN!

4. Characters not shown enough

Certain characters were taken out of the story for literal seasons and then only revealed again after the entire thing was finished. I LIKED HIDE, WHY DID HE HAVE TO BE SHOWN DYING AND THEN ONLY COME BACK AT THE LAST 3 EPISODES OF TG SBEJWJIWI2I2

H E D E S E R V E S J U S T I C E

I have seen that most animes do this... Like in BSD, Chuuya is gone for literal seasons and in the BNHA manga (no, I don't read the manga, @travalerray just enjoys telling me stuffs about it), Katsuki and Aizawa (and I think Shoto?) Are gone for a really long time as well. Like-

Please stop this... It's torture and makes no sense.

5. Too many plots all at once

There wasn't just one plot. THERE WERE LIKE 50- It became really hard to keep up and legit so confusing because each one was somewhat different... They shoulda just made a separate anime for everyone's journey bc, suddenly, EVERYONE was the main character but still IN THEIR OWN STORY.

Tip for writing: If you write a story, stick to 1 plot, stick to 1 or 2 main characters and the rest can be an entirely different book. If you put them all in 1 book with each one telling their own story, it's gonna get way too confusing and become an absolute flop. Trust me. Backstories are still fine but not each a different journey...

6. Repeating tropes

This is 1 of my worst pet peeves. Each ghoul character went through smth known as insanity and displayed a whole damn lot of it for no apparent reason other than, "I am a ghoul". They were PERFECTLY normal in human form but then all of a sudden, it's cackling and saying weird shit to sound creepy just bc their eyes changed😐

Mutsuki has a pass, they went clinically insane by normal circumstances (more or less) but...really, man? They...didn't matter to the main plot at all and they were being...pretty dang stupid. I can't...

And Kaneki just kept turning emo. It became so frustrating that I just...really wanted to slap him outta the window. The first time was cool but then I started to hate him. A lot. Like-

I really really really hate this trope.

8. Bad animation

I have only watched the anime so I will say this: the animation could have been better. After the 1st season, the fights seemed sloppy and the movement was stiff... It made me sigh. I can't do better but I feel like the animators could have after seeing season 1.

9. Basically, general knowledge flew out the window

Kagunes changed, ghouls had tattoos, everyone turned insane, emo was apparently a trend the main character picked up, noonethoughttoexplainTokaandTheGourmet'srelationship?

In all honesty...Tokyo Ghoul was bearable with a good plot at first but... It became too much with way too many things.

Ok, that's all from me. And can I just mention that ik the main theme was smth like despairing bc things will never change or etc. (Don't quote me on this) but having to repeat the same thing, same ending (for Kaneki specifically) over and over is not good writing. As compelling as the concept is, that's just sloppy and it gets boring. And the plot was rushed beyond like- dude, we need a breather

Ok, enough of me roasting Tokyo Ghoul. Many people most likely made a post on this already but w h a t e v a h. I had fun when I wrote this. I am sorry (not)

Also...WHY IS MAKING A SIMPLE POST SO DIFFICULT- Or is it just my phone...

[thedreadvampy]

Ok please if you don’t mind saying - who is Stuart semple and what did he do? I’m so confused. Like I recognise the name and I think he might the an artist or something but I have no idea

He is indeed an artist! He’s a English multidisciplinary fine artist best known for his ongoing beef with English sculptor Anish Kapoor over the 2016 exclusive licensing on the process to make Vantablack colour coating, which meant Kapoor was the only artist allowed to use it. Then Stuart Semple made Pinkest Pink pigment and said it was available to everyone but Anish Kapoor, and there was a big blowup which there’s a lot of documentation of - it was very memed.

Since then, Semple has made a bunch more pigments, most of them with the available-to-everyone-but-Anish-Kapoor disclaimer, and the beef periodically flares up, although I will say as time goes on it seems to me to have got increasingly one-sided given that Kapoor has pretty much wandered off.

(I’ve used several of his colours, btw. Pinkest Pink is pretty good. Blackest Black, his attempt to make the blackest possible paint (as opposed to Vantablack which is a nanofibre coating) I was pretty disappointed in, I’ve honestly had better light capture from mid-range art shop paints. His other pigments vary in quality - some I really liked, some I was meh on, but I think Blackest Black is the only one I was actively unimpressed by)

Anyway. Where I come in is much less exciting. 

A few months ago I reblogged a post on Tumblr asking about Semple from a discourse tag (my reblog did not tag or @ anyone), and I made a glib comment where I said (very truthfully) that while I thought he was pretty decent at pigments, both his paintings and his online persona came across pretty adolescent to me.

so it turns out Stuart Semple is an inveterate name searcher (hi Stuart if you’re reading this!) 

(Side note: I actually should have guessed this from 2019 Twitter when he saw and commented on an untagged thread I wrote about him and Kapoor’s beef (which was because I’d seen an article in which Kapoor, a British-Asian man, said that the racist Prevent strategy was liable to drive young British-Asian men into the arms of terrorist groups by making it clear their country hates them reblogged on Semple’s account with a caption claiming Anish Kapoor was pro-terrorism, which, while tongue-in-cheek, isn’t a neutral statement for a white person to make about an Asian person and was a pretty phenomenally bad-faith reading of Kapoor’s actual words) and in my thread I pretty much said that when the story had broken, I, like everybody else, had found it very funny and been firmly on side with Semple’s bit, but I felt that a) after a couple of years it really wasn’t very relevant any more and it had started to feel less like Fighting The Power and more like bullying the amount of Semple’s web presence was devoted to talking about Anish Kapoor; b) that it was a shame that Anish Kapoor was increasingly only known as The Vantablack Guy given that I really like a lot of his work and c) that continuing to frame a Jewish person of colour as the Face of the Artistic Elite was a bit weird given how overwhelmingly white the high-end art world is. but I digress. Semple responded to that thread, I don’t really remember what he said, it wasn’t an acrimonious response but it was a bit Oh I Didn’t Do Anything To Tag You?)

so anyway he found my reblog and commented saying ehhh I don’t remember, something along the lines of not feeling like I was being very kind and that he was trying his best. also I think he said I had accused him of being racist? which again the actual Tumblr post literally just said I thought his art and persona came across as juvenile and I think in the tags? I mentioned that I thought it was time for him to step off the Kapoor beef. 

then he screencapped my post, including my profile picture and username, and posted it on all his socials with a kind of :( people are so mean on Tumblr :( caption and um

idk if you know this about Being A Public Persona With Tens Of Thousands of Followers but. if you post someone’s identity and say ‘I do not like what this person is doing’ it. can get messy fast.

uh I don’t follow Stuart Semple (see the original post I made) but he commented to make sure I knew he’d posted my post on Instagram and “all my followers like your wig :)” which. according to my partner who did go and look at the time, the Instagram comments were largely about how I was an ugly non-passing trans woman aka “man in a wig” which. throw the whole suitcase out. There were a good few days where I got a lot of angry anons, ranging from ‘stop bullying Stuart Semple!!!!!’ to ‘die in a ditch graphically’ to ‘how can you claim to have opinions on art when You Are On Tumblr’ (I have been a freelance illustrator for 7 years and I have a Masters in art and design) to ‘your art sucks and you’re fat and ugly’ and my personal favourite ‘how can u be cis and use she/her pronouns you dumb snowflake’

(within that furore was a whole branch where someone was like ‘sex worker huh bet you’re bad at it’ and I was like ‘yep! that’s why I don’t do it any more! it’s hard work and it involves a lot of self-promotion and customer skills which I don’t like and am not good at!’ and this was a Whole Thing where they kept trying to insult me (much like today’s anon) about my supposed failures as a Slut Who Is Bad At Sex and I kept going like ‘ok but here’s how that just. doesn’t make sense in reference to what sex work actually is so like, ok?’)

and Stuart Semple and I were also having a conversation which, depending on your perspective I would call his attitude either conciliatory or passive-aggressive, there was a lot of ‘me and my followers would never say rude things about you :) keep up the art kiddo :)’ and being charitable I would say he was trying to be nice while being angry, and to avoid escalating (but with the added context I got later about the wig comment, I think that interpretation of his behaviour maybe. has some cracks?) and ultimately he took down the posts, we had a brief conversation about keeping pet reptiles (apparently he has a lizard) and we left it on, if not good terms, at least peaceable ones. 

however I still periodically get messages about it from angry Semple stans. and I’m not sure the argument was resolved, in that I still very much think it’s fair to make criticism, including quite harsh criticism (which I’m not sure ‘adolescent’ is), on art which is put out for public display and enjoyment, and that it isn’t a personal attack to post a criticism of someone’s public-facing work and statements on social media unless you actively target it towards them (for example, @ ing them), and Semple still thinks there’s no difference between a random blog with under a thousand followers criticising a public figure’s work and a public figure with 100k followers on most platforms criticising that blog (out of context - he clipped out the post I was reblogging from and my explanatory tags, and looking at my blog you may notice that 90% of my nuance is in the tags) while giving his followers all the information to find said blog.

(also as multiple people have remarked. if you want to say it’s an unfair criticism to call your online presence immature, being a middle-aged artist who as far as I can tell has a net worth over a million who spends your time name searching yourself in order to get mad at untagged mild criticism from strangers on the internet and share it on all your socials for your followers to join you in Being Big Mad is uhhhhhhh. it uh. it’s not like. not super thin-skinned and immature)

(also also I just googled his net worth and unsurprisingly I can’t find a source on it I’d consider reliable, but I did find multiple articles about him getting in trouble for breach of contract and nonpayment for gallery employees, including two accusations of him writing a big defensive blog post then changing it after a few hours to a very short post saying I LOVE YOU so like idk how true that is but it does seem. consistent with the above interactions.)

[whatifyoulivelikethat]

warnings: extremely negative feelings towards a sibling, distressing / intrusive thoughts. placed under a break due to the content of the message. remember, I'm not a mental health professional.

updated with additional viewpoints from readers at the bottom!

I'm sorry in advance.

I really hate my older sister. She never respects my boundaries, insults me frequently, and is just annoying and hypocritical in general.

I've always had these issues with her, but she lived at her own apartment away from me and the rest of my family, so I've been able to control my hatred of her. But last year in March she moved back in and sold her apartment. She has no plans of leaving anytime soon, and I can't stand her.

We shared a bedroom for about a year because we were also taking care of my cousin who also moved in with us last year. My cousin has since moved out, but my sister is unfortunately here to stay for a couple of years. But with extra space, I was able to move into the spare bedroom and thought that would be the end of my problems.

It wasn't. In fact, she has become even more unbearable. The hardest part of this relationship is that she has a weird obsession with being with me. I'm not sure if this is because she loves me, or she's just weird. I think she's weird because my parents never act like she does.

Our bedrooms are right next to each other. There's really no reason for her to miss me. But every single fucking minute she's coming into my room to bother me. I would have more empathy for her if she acknowledged my limits, but she doesn't.

She's constantly cuddling me after I've said for MONTHS that I don't enjoy it and it makes me uncomfortable. She constantly belittles me by saying I couldn't live without her, and that I would be a mess if it wasn't for her (mind you, I've lived without her at the house for YEARS and I was perfectly fine). She's constantly in my business, interrogating me about every little thing. She once locked the door and wouldn't let me leave the room without answering her questions for 20 minutes; she asked me about a $30 Amazon order containing manga I ordered with MY OWN MONEY. And I had permission for my parents to order it! It wasn't her business whatsoever.

I've tried to keep her out numerous times; I've gotten in trouble for it. My parents say I'm being mean and that this is her way of loving me. What I feel like they ignore is that I'M UNCOMFORTABLE. Her way of "loving me" HURTS.

I've tried communication. I've had multiple meetings with my family about my boundaries and they say they'll change, but they never do.

Another factor that worsens this is that I have borderline personality disorder. I'm currently being denied therapy or intervention of any kind. I get told my mental illness is a result of me having an attitude and hating my family.

I writing this to you because I've been having very alarming thoughts recently. I'm been somewhat suicidal as long as I can remember, but this is different. I've been having nightmares about killing my family/my family killing me. I don't want to kill my family. As much as they have abused me, I know they truly love me deep down. But when I'm in a mental breakdown, I don't think for the most part. I'm afraid I'm going to do something to hurt them if they continue to push me. I'm too scared to turn myself into the police and I don't want to be taken away from my home. I truly need therapy, but it's expensive and I'm not allowed to get it.

Are there any options left for me? I love my family and I want to get better, but I can't stand them. It'll be a while before I can live on my own, and I don't think I'll make it that long.

I'm so sorry.

I appreciate that you came to me, however, please remember I am not a mental health professional.

I do not have the best relationship with my family. I've come to accept that they just exist and I moved away from them. I keep a strict level of familiarity with them for my own sanity and well-being. There are people in my immediate family I don't talk to anymore or only speak to in certain situations, with other people around to buffer my emotions. No one in my family understands or respects my mental health issues and I have ceased talking about it with them.

I will admit, I had to ask for help. I'm going to share the answer of someone I trust, because they are much more level-headed when it comes to something like this.

Use different words with your sister. Instead of "I'm mad or annoyed", use words that bring out more empathy - "You're making me sad and uncomfortable. You're hurting me." Anger is usually perceived as something within you, something you must control. But sadness is usually not perceived in the same light. People usually see sadness as something that has a cause and perhaps letting her know that she is the cause will have an effect on her. Using different words when speaking to her may slowly change her perspective.

When it comes to your parents, well, parents do not usually understand sibling dynamics. They're fucking useless most of the time when it comes to problems specifically between siblings. It might be better if you say something like, "Her constant intrusions are affecting my school work. My grades are going to drop." Usually, parents respond more urgently if you say you education is affected - and it doesn't matter if it's true or not, we're just trying to get them to help in some way.

I had to remind them it's summertime lol

Oh shit, you're right. Er. Well, In any case, it seems you've tried having reasonable discussions with your parents and it doesn't seem helpful to continue discussing this particular topic with them. Maybe get into fitness since it's summertime. Go outside, do something active. She can't cuddle you if you're running, right? Then you can also be stronger and feeling better physically improves mental health. Put some music on, go hiking or running, take yourself out of the situation.

I don't know if this is possible, but perhaps if you're experiencing a mental breakdown and you're afraid of hurting your family, run out of the house? It might be better to be physically away from them at that time to avoid saying or doing anything you regret. It may help clear your head and help your family realize that this is something that is truly debilitating to you.

I don't know your age, so I don't know if the school thing is relevant. It's only a suggestion.

You said it will be a while before you can live on your own. When I knew the cons of living with my family outweighed the pros, I did everything in my power to prepare myself for leaving because I needed a goal in order to survive. I needed distractions, reading, writing, gaming, music, anything else to occupy my mind and help control my thoughts. There was a time when I needed music to fall asleep (headphones in on low volume).

Also... uh.

I'm not saying you should do this. I'm only saying I did.

My siblings and I have physically fought before. One has scars from fighting me. The scarred one is the one closest to me currently.

Not saying you should do it.

But I did.

If anyone feels comfortable enough to share how they dealt with it in their own situation, please do. Maybe more perspectives can help this person.

--

some other experiences sent to me:

anon #1

I don't think I had a situation that extreme but my brother was a little like that. I honestly had to become kinda rude and indifferent. Like he'd always use my laptop and stuff and I put passwords on everything and just don't tell him. And then when he tried to hug or cuddle id say I don't liek it and just push him away physically now this soudns fucking obvious when I say it this way but like I don't think I read that u tried it ? Idk I discovered I have a loud annoying scream that neighbours will hear, and fucking strokg legs I used to kick him away but like I was tiny so I don't really endorse violence but I didnt like being close to a 'boy' essentially at taht age so yea... Idk man siblings are weird and I have had intrusive thoughts so I think I didn't handle it well but for a few years I became an asshole to him and then now I'm good with talking sometimes and I keep it short and sweet and I've mentioned that I'm sorry for being mean in the past bcuz like I am ? Bcuz I'm not an asshole ? ( But like I did what I had to do ) I hope u get the help and support u need

anon #2

I read the message from the previous anon and I have to say I relate to what they say. I wouldn’t say i’ve completely dealt with the situation when it comes to my parents.

I have 4 siblings and i’m the oldest, my sister that’s 2 years younger than me always gets in my way and is a tyrant. Because she’s much taller than me she overpowers me and i also have scars from when we’ve fought. My parents don’t intervene because they say we’ll make up soon and I honestly can’t stay mad at people for long. I also live with my parents and am not able to move out anytime soon until I get my degree.

A few weeks ago my mother was complaining to my father that I don’t help around the house and all that bullshit but it’s obviously not true. Anyway. My father came into my room and threw all my clothes from my cupboards on the floor and said my sister and I must get out of his house. He was literally pulling us and we were crying because where the hell would we go. My smaller siblings were begging for him not to chase us out of the house but he was ballistic. He was constantly throwing insults at me, calling me selfish and disrespectful. I was having a mental breakdown and I said i hope that God takes my life away because i’m too weak to do it myself. I kept saying that and when my parents heard me. They called me crazy and were laughing at me and said i should take it back because instead of me another one of my family members would go.

My parents don’t care about mental health and therapy. It’s all unnecessary to them. But after that night I tried to find my own way of getting rid of the negative thoughts, I choose to ignore what everyone tells me. I agree with everything that you said about trying to get away from their family when they have those thoughts. I try meditation and praying. I’m not sure if that person follows any religion but that’s what helped me. And writing can be cathartic. Also remember that you’re not alone, there are so many people out there who share your sorrows and can relate to your situation. I think about my little siblings who i’m close to and what it would be like if i wasn’t there.

Maybe if they could get a pet? I know having a pet can make you feel less alone and you feel a sense of responsibility towards them. As for their sister, she needs to see their point of view and tell her that she makes her feel overwhelmed with the things she does. She can spend time with her and try to make her understand that they need their space too.

anon #3

I also have sum advice 4 the sibling anon frm a fellow bpd buddy:

Does ur view of ur sister change from "i hate her" to "she's alright" sometimes? Viewing sum1 as all bad or all good is common in bpd ppl and usually changes alot. I rec writing down the moments where she shows she loves u. This could be thru buying smth for u or doing smth 4 u. I had a similar relationship w a friend and this exercise helped me remember that she might not have intentions to hurt me and might b trying 2 bond. Repairing the relationship might take a while. Talk alot if u can, it seems like ur family is at least willing to hear u out, even if there behavior doesn't change much. Keep sum distance if needed. Working out and finding fun hobbies is good.

If u feel like ur breaking down, try breathing exercises n identify 5 things u notice thru ur senses. What do u feel? What do u smell? What do u taste? What do u see? What do u hear? I personally like taking myself down rabbit holes. For example: I see a yellow jacket > this shade of yellow is a cool tone > what makes a color "cool" or "warm" > why do we associate red with warmth > what if the sun was blue > what if ocean water looked orange > is water wet

I usually end up forgetting what was making me upset. If it was a big deal I would still remember, but at least I would b less emotional and a bit more rational.

Search up cognitive behavior therapy and dialectical behavior therapy and try 2 practice sumthing similar 2 exercises u would perform w a therapist. Squeeze stress balls. Masturbate (this blog is perfect 4 that lol). Maybe watch some videos done by therapists on youtube. I watched a couple of videos abt therapists reacting 2 fighting in movies and I learned alot (this video was very fun to watch)!

Anyway that's what helps me! Good luck 2 u!!!