#idk it just annoys me esp bc it's personally affected me bc of both my gender nd sexuality

[dreamballade]

ok, i saw someone do this on tiktok and thought it looked fun so here is redacted characters and whether i think i could successfully date irl or not:

vincent: 100% yes. he’s my ideal type the loml. I LOVE HIM! 100000/10

ivan: probably…? we dont know much of him as flyboi so i cant really tell. we are both quite socially challenged though which would either be incredible or horrible. i picture him with a really beefy top half with arms good for hugging though. 8/10

ollie: no. our names are too similar. he is cute though but i am bad at board games. 4/10

david: no … i dont like vocal fry 😭 and i would just piss him off and he would be mean to me and i would get upset. we wouldnt mesh well i dont think… esp early david he was a bit toxic. 3/10

elliott: yes yes yes!!! i am super attracted to protector types i love the best friends-to-lovers trope i love how caring he is. i’ve only listened to his earlier audios so i dont know how he develops but im giving him a solid 10/10!

gavin: i think we would be better as friends but i cant give a good reason why. 5/10

asher: you know what yea!!! he’s cute fun and awesome. neither of us can answer the door tho 7/10

lasko: probably not only because neither of us would have the confidence to make a move on the other 💀 i would treat him like the babygirlest of babygirls though dont even worry about it. 6/10

damien: this man would hate me. ranked slightly higher than david because i wouldnt be as scared of him and he would be a lot funnier to antagonise. 4/10

huxley: YES. my boy!!! “dude” but in a romantic way. i would love to be around his energy i would love to spend time with him i would love to go on hikes with him. one point deducted bc i would probably feel guilty if i did anything to affect his positivity yknow..he’s TOO mentally healthy . 9/10

sam: it would never happen he is attracted to roguish dangerous badass types and i like to be in bed by 9pm. i love his character and voice though and i would love to keep him in a small room for a small amount of time. 7/10

milo: YEA BABEY!!! i like a man who understands the importance of dress socks. and a man who has a cat. and a man who speaks in that funny voice. AND I LOVE SHORT KINGS. i dont care about anything else i am attracted to him 9.5/10

vega: yes. it would be horribly toxic. yes ?/10

aaron: yes only because i think his bonus audios are hot. he’s so corporate and i am so not so its hard to imagine… i saw art of him cooking pancakes in his little red boxers he has a kind of reigen arataka appeal to him my pathetic babygirl… 7.5/10

geordi: YES! my angel my snowglobe my grain of icing sugar… i would love to hold his face in my hands and tell him that i love him. “you can never have too much garlic right” This man is my president. 10/10

guy: yes for the autism/adhd solidarity of it all . i feel like i could truly be myself around him his general personality is so attractive to me because hes so authentically annoying….although idk if i could stand smelling pizza all the time. AND he definitely snores every now and then. 9/10

[gloxinian]

it’s so hard to talk abt this nowadays bc (1) ppl that aren’t bi never want to engage with any topic that has to do w us in good faith and (2) ppl are so obsessed w everything being valid w/o questioning anything but like... the push to redefine bi as “attraction to 2+ genders” has caused so much dmg to literally the entire community, especially trans/nonbinary ppl.  that definition has othered nonbinary ppl in such a way where ppl think that being lesbian/gay/straight means u can’t be attracted to ANY nonbinary ppl bc that would mean being attracted to more than one gender (aka 2+ which makes them bi).

nd before anyone tries to say that isn’t true... i’ve literally seen that happen.  i’ve had ppl try to tell me that my ex couldn’t be gay bc if he was attracted to me that would mean he was attracted to multiple genders (i’m nonbinary).  i’ve had to explain to ppl on multiple occasions that YES lesbian, gay, and straight ppl can all be attracted to some nonbinary ppl, that attraction to us isn’t exclusive to being bi.

like... this concept of “2+” nd counting up genders isn’t good.  maybe it sounded nice nd progressive or whatever at first (as a way fr ppl to justify the “bi” prefix in bisexual w/o understanding or caring abt the ACTUAL context behind our label) nd came from a good place.  i’m so tired of ppl that aren’t bi trying to redefine our label.  i’m also tired of cis ppl or even ppl that just aren’t nonbinary trying to redefine labels to include us w/o considering the implications of these changes.  or considering how we’ve been included since the beginning nd none of this is really... necessary.

it’s much healthier to treat us as a case by case basis instead of listing out nd counting out every nonbinary gender u think u’d be attracted to nd defining ur sexuality based on that.

[flamediel]

1. who do u think uses the most petnames

Erick, he has a silly sense of humor so I think he comes up with crazy and silly nicknames that catch on with the rest.

2. What pet names do you think they each like to call you ~romantically~

Richard- shorty/shawty or baby girl. He has a height complex (short with a big attitude) so he is def gonna use petnames that accentuate that he is bigger than you. Though, I also think he would be the one to call you like the most grand stuff to hype you up like "my diosa" or something like that.

Chris- Cutesy version of your name. In terms of like terms of endearment I think he constantly changes them up, like for a month he calls you sweetie, then two weeks he can't stop calling you whatever cute wording the used in their new single (like honeyboo for example) and so on. He has a fun personality and needs to keep it fun and light in the relationship too.

Zabdiel- He will absolutely call you Mi amor when he is annoyed/frustrated, almost all boricuas do that. Prob just goes with mami , bebe (or the less common variant beba) and if you have a middle name he would 100 call you that. With Zabdiel, I feel petnames is all about intimacy so when he uses each petname kind of becomes code words for his moods or his feelings or just some secret joke between you two.

Joel - the one that goes absolutely into the ridiculously sweet petnames. He will call you honey, sweeatheart, mi cielo, mi reina, mi vida and prob refers to you when talking to other people as "the love of my life". This boy is a hopeless romantic and the way he uses petnames reflect that.

Erick- creatively made up petname...maybe based on something that reminds him of you or maybe some silly but adorable version of your name. Whatever it is, Erick came up with it just for you and it will 100% make you feel special. He just seems to be the type that can find humor in everything and will turn that silly humor into fun petnames.

3. What petnames do they like to be called ~romantically~

Richard: I feel that though he doesn't really care much, he would kind of love it if you called him by his middle name. And well, the classic Papi I guess?

Chris: He would be so upset if you called him by his full first name, he automatically thinks he did something wrong when you do that. I think he would be fine with anything as long as you say it in the write tone, like if you say a sweet name but your tone isn't sweet he'd put a pouty face until you use the right tone...what you are actually using as a petname he doesnt care much.

Zabdiel: I think he prob likes to hear you say his name just like that. But he prob expect a similar version of what he calls you depending the situation so nicknames like Papi and bebé/bebo are prob tossed around the most.

Joel: anything is fair game except his name, he will call you like at least 3 petnames when talking to you and he expects the same treatment. Mi amor, mi rey, mi corazón, ect are some examples.

Erick: Prob the classic baby? Idk tbh 🙈 Maybe he is into animal petnames? Yeah, I can see that like you calling him by whatever animal the first plushie he gave you.

4. What petnames do they call you but ~spicy~

Ok, Im gonna try it differently now, Imma say a couple of petnames and who I think would say them when getting spicy:

-Daddy's girl/ Good Girl - Richard, Chris, Zabdiel (when he is feeling in the mood to tease)

-Mami- Erick & Zabdiel

-My (insert degrading term here) -Richard and Chris

-Mia/Mine - Zabdiel, Joel and Richard (yeah they give the vibes to whisper possessively when going down on you)

Nena- Zabdiel & Erick (prob as a warning when being teased)

-Baby- Joel, maybe Richard (though Baby Girl is more his style)

-My pet -I think this might slip out of Joel's mouth in the right context.

Kitten/ Gatita :Richard, Chris and Erick

Belleza: Chris, Zabdiel & Erick

Mi diosa: Richard

Princesa: Richard, Chris & Joel

5. What petnames do they like to be called but ~spicy~

Daddy: Obviously Richard, Chris and Zabdiel (but I think Zabdiel specifically might prefer the spanish alternative Papi)

Baby: Zabdiel and Erick (Joel would be both turned on and offended by being called baby)

Calling them by their own names: All of them, have you seen the egos of those boys? Yeah

Calling them by their middle name: Richard and Chris

Dirty/ Naughty boy: Chris, Zabdiel, Erick & Joel

My pet: Zabdiel

Guapo: Richard & Joel

DAMN ok iara lets go!

1. who do u think uses the most petnames?

erick. i agree he’s so silly he’s always using casual nicknames it’s the cutest

2. What pet names do you think they each like to call you ~romantically~

richard: can’t lie if that man started calling me shawty i would call him that right back he’s barely a few inches taller and he comes in w that energy? but tbh i just feel like i would v much enjoy pissing richard off alkjdlshs. baby girl or anything romantic or extra like that tho? bro I’d be so RED and he knows

chris: i agree i don’t see him sticking to one name for too long he’s always changing it up. esp when he’s joking around he’ll sing those parts to you and just watch you blush and roll your eyes at him for it. 

zab: i love the idea of nicknames varying by mood. and it just turns into a thing where you can kind of figure out where he’s at mentally based on what he says. mi amor when he’s annoyed or frustrated, but then bebe when he’s tired and just needs a hug. mami when he’s all needy, just TONS OF NICKNAMES. i can see him using a middle name esp if you don’t love it to make it all cutesy, or your last name.

Joel: yep.. that fucking tracks dskjjdhjkshk man loves love and he is sickly sweet w his pet names. it’s honestly cute how constant it is and esp since it’s all genuine it makes you SOFT man

erick: look i see erick pulling a christopher w those song themes pet names like my boo and shit but he’s super jokey with it, he also uses like those ridiculously over the top ones but always w some humor behind them. and name ones, 100%, he’s really cutesy and jokey with it. 

3. What petnames do they like to be called ~romantically~

Richard: def papi, but i also do think he cares like. richard gives me lowkey romantic vibes like once he’s in w someone he’s IN yk? and I feel like he’d enjoy being called my love or amor or something like that bc he does have a soft spot and we gotta talk about it more dammit

Chris: you’re right christopher is so formal? and even chris i feel like he wouldn’t love. he deserves affection ok he wants to be called love and baby and like even papi casually and just w a ton of love in your voice and if you sound off he’s gonna be so confused about it. 

Zabdiel: ok but zabdiel as a name seems so intimate for some reason? idk why but it really does. i would call him baby 100% like idc if he’s twice my side and could physically split me in half he’s baby and if he’s MY baby then he will definitely be made aware of this lmao. 

Joel: joel needs love and affection and uou know what that’s valid. baby? sweetheart? amor? angel? he’s melting

Erick: not animal nicknames 😭i can see it tbh but he looks like my cousin so i can’t even imagine him like that lmao

4. What petnames do they call you but ~spicy~

Daddy's girl/ Good Girl - this is such a richard and chris phrase, zab when he’s teasing or feeling dommy but chris ESP like if you’re giving him head? “you’re being such a good girl for me, just like that baby”

Mami- Erick & Zabdiel, sure, but also chris. tho in a more casual way. he would DEF say it in bed too. 

My (insert degrading term here) -Richard and Chris. yes, tho rich uses more degrading terms i feel like. 

Mia/Mine - Zabdiel, Joel and Richard. yes but ESP ZABDIEL like? when he’s just, slightly jealous or put off. if you’re teasing him by talking to other guys or not giving him attention for example? he’s pinning you to the bed, kissing down your chest and just whispering it to you, reminding you who exactly can turn you into this mess.

Nena- Zabdiel & Erick definitely. zab in that quiet voice when you’re trying to tease him in public especially “later, nena”

Baby- Joel ESPECIALLY yes, and in that whiney babyyyyy when he wants attention

My pet ok yes i agree this is def only joel and only in specific scenarios

Kitten/Gatita: Richard, Chris and Erick. i can see this esp w richard in that teasing, degrading tone when he has you tied up and on your knees, stroking your face and wiping the running mascara off of your cheek once he’s finished fucking your mouth

Belleza: Chris, Zabdiel & Erick. erick for sure. big erick vibes w this one, whispered undfer his breath as he watches you undress. 

Mi diosa: Richard yes he’s such a ficking simp like? we need to talk about that more

Princesa: Richard, Chris & Joel. again w richard the band’s simp and then chris and joel for sure, both sexually and not. 

5. What petnames do they like to be called but ~spicy~

Daddy: I agree with this being a richard thing, but i think chris is definitely more into papi and zab would only really be ok with papi. I don’t see him liking daddy at all tbh, but papi? for sure. 

Baby: Zabdiel better like being called baby bc i will call him baby all the time he has such baby energy. I actually see erick being more offended by it as the baby of the group, and joel being surprised at first but leaning into it. 

Calling them by their own names: omg yes in bed? esp zabdiel he will MAKE you say his name in bed when he’s feeling possessive, asking you who this pussy belongs to. richard def prefers daddy in bed and might take his name as being bratty but in foreplay or less intense scenes he’s super into it. 

Calling them by their middle name: Richard and Chris. tbh idk about this one like? maybe? i really don’t know.

Dirty/Naughty boy: Chris, Zabdiel, Erick & Joel. ok i’m gonna have to say this one goes to joel i think he feels good about breaking rules and this is definitely one of those things that reminds him he’s being nasty lol. 

My pet: Zabdiel. i see that highkey. also likes callling you mami in the same vein esp when you’re taking the lead

Guapo: Richard & Joel. i very firmly believe if you call richard anything but daddy in bed he’s mad BUT i can see this in teasing or foreplay w him for sure. joel is def into it he needs an ego boost. 

come talk about petnames

[rqs902]

.

IS THAT WHO I THINK IT IS 

ITS MY BOY ENYU!!!! ON THE FRONT PAGE???? okay also a big deal for zhaohao and li hao too!!!

ok now into part 2 of the ep

interesting that they focused on junhao for everybody. can understand he probably has the most different and struggle experience so probably more interesting for dramas sake lol im surprised they dont spend more time on shengen, considering his popularity. 

HAHAHAHAHHAHAHAA JUNHAO FREAKING OUT over the fact that they only learned the dance for 40 mins. LOL thats the level of tyger + kou cong + shengen, i can imagine the struggle of the yang guang nan hai group in comparison AHAHA i just imagine him running down the hall freaking out like HOW DID THEY LEARN THE DANCE IN JUST ONE CLASS WHAT ARE THESE PEOPLE 

lollll “theyre all dachang boys” “theyre all zhang yixing’s students” HAHAHAH you know even though he is slightly struggling compared to the rest, he aint bad and theyre all taking it light hearted with laughter so seems like a good learning environment! and he’s confident he’ll get it LOL thats good! i think thats what makes him so amusing 

HAHAHA i love how lin mo just keeps giggling at junhao like he genuinely just finds him so amusing LOL yay for making new friends 

awww bc junhao’s always been a leader i feel like for him to finally feel like hes being taken care of is so nice. i have absolute confidence that this group will treat him kindly. AW HE CALLED HIM MOMO 

im still disappointed they have YET to show zhan yu’s funny/strange personality and this wouldve been a great opportunity bc hes surrounded by friends he’s comfortable with!! like his friendship with kou cong! or akey and lin mo! but sigh...

THEY PUT ZHAN YU IN THE FRONT FOR THE SEXUAL LINE HAHAHHA PERFECT BUT I SEE LIN MO BEING ONE OF THE ONLY ONES NOT SHOWING HIS ABS HAHAHAHAHHAHAHAA

wow the lyrics are so fitting for lin mo to scream LOL but also ay his vocals?! aw im glad they put in a little rap for shengen and akey! honestly was kinda hoping for more bc they havent had a proper stage together before and i feel like itd be awesome but also junhao and zhan yu vocalization at the end was on point!!

lol all the kids being like zhang pd’s words are so detailed and professional... sigh theyve been missing out until now 

im glad they really pointed out how each member of this team did well! they really all did a great job with each of their parts, and they each got a little part to shine, and when put together, it was a complete performance. im proud of them and happy for them!

aw.... i feel like we’ve been waiting so long to hear lin mo get complimented.... i feel like it’s been since qcyn namanana that we’ve been waiting for him to redeem himself and climb back up to the peak. ugh its been nearly a year and a half. im just so terrified of whats gonna happen next bc im way too skeptical at this point to expect this high to continue, esp with what happened after namanana last time......... but for now, im happy. relieved hes finally getting the recognition he deserves and im happy that hes happy. lol i was also half scared we were gonna get spirit of the knight-ed again with his pink hair (nightmare flashbacks to lin mo and changxi’s deletion from that perf) i dont think ill ever get over that :( i feel like as a lin mo stan, ive been trained to not keep my hopes up and to prepare for the worst bc hes the type of person who just always gets the short end of the stick, it feels like. 

aw the part when they go back to the waiting room and jin fan is waiting for them with an encouraging smile and the whole exchange of "帥的真的帥的" "哇~可以吧" "我沒想到" "那必須的" our leader did them proud :’) 

ugh the part where luo jie calls them and tells them he can’t come back........ heart breaking. i can see why lin ran and xikan would be really affected. lin ran has been luo jie’s go-to since he left and knowing how their usual friendship involves making fun of one another and jokingly complaining about each other, it hits hard when lin ran says he cried his eyes out. it hurts that they didnt get to share the stage again before he left. xikan may not have shared the stage with luo jie during ip, but hes known him since then and has been with him through both rounds here. it interesting bc i feel like the namanana perf was very light hearted on qcyn but i cant see that happening here, esp with their outfits? 

aw shiwei and chaowen taking charge to raise their spirits :’) 

lin ran’s voice fits so well with this song wow! i really like his lines! also lol i didnt know xikan would have abs but okay and tbh im always hesitant about dances with props bc it always is so easy to look messy..... like every slight difference in angle in the way you hold your arms is immediately magnified 

and like sxl’s fan is obviously broken and having performed fan dances myself i know that that’s like the most annoying thing to happen on stage, and can be really difficult to deal with, even tho it happens ALL THE TIME with those types of fans ugh :( 

i mean its super kind of them to leave luo jie’s space empty for him, but its kinda weird to have parts of the audio missing sadly :( and also chaowen’s voice did something weird in the middle there, like its sounds weirdly weak 

wait didnt yixing tell them to close the fan? but they didnt? 

xikan’s facial expressions are perfecttt, good for him! wish they gave more screen time to shiwei during shiwei’s lines lol... but also i cant help but hear lin mo’s voice during that part LOL ugh speaking of which i miss that team dynamic namanana team a on qcyn HAHAHAH hwx being a brat and fjj running around wild and lin mo giving up on them all just laughing like idiots for hours on end while bo yuan just judges them from a corner LOL i love the beginning of the wenxuan and lin mo friendship good times :’)  

HAHAH ENYU AGAIN WITH THE REALEST COMMENTS - i agree AHHAHAH i love these kids too but there was something off about this stage 

im surprised but also not surprised by what the judges are saying 

o didnt realize sxl was supposed to be center but i guess that explains the big puffy thing on his shoulder lol.......... agree with cx tho, even without his broken fan, i think the fans made them look worse bc it just looked messy 

well idk if we’re getting all the stages today but at least jin fan’s is also getting aired! TYGER HUG FOR JIN FAN YESS

jin fan teaching them dance? yes thank you for showing us he is a good dancer. oof jin fan’s just too nice :( hes trying to avoid conflict too much that it caused conflict smh......... lol oscar trying to talk to su er hes having such struggle i feel that bro LOL hes doing really well though, tbh being relatively young, hes really trying his best and is being reasonable. 

LOL HE CALLED HIM JIN FAN GE i forgot jin fan is considered old lol..... jin fan really taking the higher road here and im glad they sat together and talked it out a bit

THE JIN FAN VOICE YESSSS hahahhaha kou cong holding the tyger sign!!

oo is that some of his bel canto-style singing coming through LOL 

AY NICE for hong weihao and oscar to put in some rap 

some of those high notes were a bit questionable at the end but okay jin fan is really claiming that vocal + dance teacher role i see.... interesting 

but agree with yixing that he doesnt need to force himself to do high notes bc his voice is so nice regardless!! yay for oscar getting recognition! im still waiting for jin fan to do a cool dance performance sigh

wasnt expecting an enyu feature BUT ILL TAKE IT 

oof huang enyu saying hes really trying to put himself out there by going for leader and the realest comment that he hasnt considered getting to debut he just wants to pass this round oof and he feels like his opportunities may be cut short bc hes getting old oof

enyu and chenxu crying watching the movie 

AW THEIR HAHA VIDEOS ARE THE CUTEST THING I LOVE THESE KIDSSS so sad that so many of them are at risk of elimination :(  im glad these vocals made their own friend group! I hope itll be a memory they carry forward. they do all have shared experiences as vocals on this show. 

this reaction to junrong’s voice

same tho :’) but actually all of their voices are so so nice like actually these 5 are all people whose voices ive really listened for on this show, but wow renyu’s voice in particular like really ugh just sounds so pure 

also enyu looks really nice in this performance but thats a side note okay moving on

i mean literally these reactions

and li hao crying while singing and so many kids in the waiting room crying while watching OOF this perf has got me emotional 

HAHAHHAHA THEIR INTROS HAHAHHA

UGH ENYU his plea just.... the way he yelled it bc it mustve taken courage and it mustve been a frustration on his mind for a while now and bc maybe he wouldve broken down if he hadnt yelled it out but im really crying now.... and its so out of character for him that you know he really really is feeling desperate and feels the need to speak out

lol wait gjm posted on weibo about him? is that why hes getting more attention lol..........

i really hope the vocals win :( 

no tygers in the next ep preview? hmmMMMMMmm okay 

well also interesting that they put the other 4 perfs with the elims...... seems sketch but at least most of my kids got to go this week ahhhhhh i feel bad for the other groups already. esp the ones with the kids who arent as popular... 

[the-chattering-tower]

🎂🍪☕

🎂- if you had 3 wishes, what would they be?

Ooooh tough one

one would def have to be some v smartly phrased wish that fixes the big big wold problems like capitalism and global warming and oppression of ppl and all that

another to like. make teleportation devices a Thing and widespread and accessible so i can Finally visit my long distance friends without having to worry about money and flights and setting foot in the literal hell that is the US. the universe is cruel for not letting me hug my friends every day and i’m Done with it

if it’s a genie, i’ll set them free with wish no3 bc come on i have manners and also like. a heart. if not, i’d like to keep it for later bc who knows that i’ll really really need a magic wish for in the near or far future. if i can’t do that then idk?? maybe something like a Lot of money so i can make sure my family is financially secure now and forever and so are my friends and so that i could slap hundreds of dollars down for every gofundme and emergency fundraising and respectable charity i see

🍪- cookie dough or cookies?

i’m not really a cookie dough kinda person?? more of a “everything dough and batter even if it annoys my sister (everything i do ever annoys her anyway)” but that too only just to the extent of licking the bowl clean

so cookies. esp if it’s gingerbread (tho gingerbread cookie dough is also reeeeally tasty...................)

☕- coffee or tea?

both, mostly, but coffee wins. with lots of sugar and milk tho, idk how ppl can tolerate espressos, they just taste like sadness

(i’m shit at flavouring my tea anyway and my sister has probably disowned me for it at this point tbh, and also coffee as a flavour in things is also v v good so. coffee)

the cool thing about coffee is that caffeine just. doesnt really affect me?? so i dont get jittery from it or have to worry about not sleeping if i drink it late or Needing it in the morning, i just drink it for the joy of it. unless its what was the equivalent of probably like. four strong as shit freshly-ground-and-brewed espressos in half a day in which case it will knock me the Fuck out and i won’t even realise why (to be fair it was combined with a super intensive four-day course on something i’m not even good at but still. i didn’t realise it’d Do Things To Me??)

[dead-thorin]

man this might be mean but like

So a friend messaged me to vent and told me how his friend group in his program have been purposely excluding him from study sessions, even though they know hes struggling with some material. He was understandably super upset about that and we talked it out a bit. Heres the thing: I didnt know how to tell him its because hes like, not the greatest friend. Like i tried to get to that point without saying it, bc hes already down, but i dont think it clicked

it was just so frustrating because like

He never answers texts. If he does its days, weeks, sometimes months later and thats so fucking annoying. Like i get it, I have a lot of anxiety about that as well, but at the same time i push myself to answer it. If I dont, at the most, i apologize, let them know whats going on if that matters, and try to make it up to them in some way (eg with one friend i try and call her within the next few days so we can catch up). At the least? I try and make sure people know beforehand that im busy, stressed, anxious, etc and i might not answer asap. Do i always get it right? No, but i always try and do better and if the person has a real problem, we reassess boundaries. 

I dont expect everyone to do all that, but at the same time i never know whats going on with him and can never tell why hes not answer. Is he stressed/busy? Does he not care and is ignoring me? Like thats part of the problem as well: when i dont hear back from my friends, i just think theyre busy, they dont have the energy, etc and if they dont hear back from me, they think (or at least i hope they do) that im busy at the moment or just cant, but know ill get back to them eventually. With him, i never think that, which makes me second guess if were even friends, which makes it even harder to be his friend.

And that last part really bothers me, because im good with lowkey friendships!!!! I have friends who i dont talk to for months at a time, then we catch up for at least an hour, maybe talk a few times afterwards, then theres a lull. And im always cool with it, bc people are busy and i know were both on the same page that were friends. So in theory, id be much more ok with this friendship if he actually showed that we were like good enough friends for this. Maybe him ranting at me shows that because like, fuck dude, i know people come to me with intense problems and shit, but the fact that you didnt seem to go to anyone else first? It was also late at night and i was online so maybe that was why, maybe he did reach out to other people, idk

Because he doesnt answer, making plans is not even remotely possible. He mentioned he had tried to make plans before, but they fell through, and I believe him! But at the same time, im like how often? How often did you cancel from other people’s plans, or ghost people, etc? Because that affects whether people want to hang with you!!! Why waste your time with someone who doesnt want to do anything with you unless its their set plan, that might not even happen?

Im totally cool with people ranting at me about something, but he ended it with saying that i can rant to him any time and i literally thought lol no i cant what the fuck are you talking about. If i ever did, hed never answer. And that shit matters because, again, why bother trying to be friends with someone whos actions dont match their words? I texted him the night before the election asking if he was gonna be ok and i havent heard back. Honestly, its not that i dont care, but im also just like tired lol

Hes mentioned to me before that he has a hard time keeping friends and im just like dude, does someone have to slap you in the face with the answer? He knows he has to work on at least some of this shit, esp the texting, but he doesnt go to therapy or anything. 

Like i didnt want to hit him with all of this, but i dont know what its gonna take for him to realize this shit. The past few times weve texted, he initiated bc im literally being tired of ghosted and that last text will probably be the last time i text him first 🤷🏻‍♂️ Like i try to be as understanding as possible, and i enjoy low key friendships, esp if theyre long distance and were both busy, but Jesus, even i have my limits

And i genuinely feel bad bc hes having such a hard time with that happening, he lives in a relatively conservative area, he doesnt like his program but has to ride it out somewhat bc of his fellowship, etc. Idk, I just hope something good happens to him soon or something or he learns to like deal with this shit and maintain friends

[itsyaboisayori]

Why I’m questioning Sayori

I said I’d make this post so here it is! Even got on my laptop to properly do the post :p I’m just kinda winging this but I’ll try to list out everything I can. If I forget stuff I’ll go back and edit it later so if you’re curious, keep watch! I’ll reblog any time I make edits, at least somewhat big ones. 

Also, replies are welcome! I’m open to constructive criticism and anyone wanting to offer new viewpoints. I accept that I’m still learning and nothing is for sure yet. Also tbh anyone telling me I sound like I’m kin is validating as heck so if you’re thinking it then I’d appreciate you saying it ahaha, but please don’t lie to me because you think you know what I want to hear. I want the truth. I don’t want to be a confused mess ;n; And I know all/most of these could be COMPLETELY unrelated to being Sayori fictionkin, but I feel like they’re worth mentioning anyways. It’s more like, a bunch of little coincidences rather than big solid evidence, I’m aware of that and that’s a big reason why I’m questioning and not for-sure Sayorikin.

One thing I realized just a couple of days ago is how, since I was a kid I’ve had this like, ideal thing I guess? how do I put this into words lmao my brain is dumb,, I guess a fantasy, that I’d fall in love with a childhood friend, like someone I’m close with from a young age but strictly friends for a long time. I’ve always been in love with the idea of falling in love with your best friend. And of course that’s what happens to Sayori, due to her programming in DDLC. And if I’m kin with Sayori from other game(s) rather than just DDLC then it definitely could be something unrelated, just a coincidence.

I’m like, really drawn to DDLC?? Maybe just because DDLC is a great game and I love all the creepypasta type stuff behind it all, all the theories and dark shit, and also I think just as a cute dating sim it’d be great anyways (but nowhere near as great). But idk, when I saw it I immediately felt kinda drawn to it but maybe that’s just in my head or for some other reason like the characters look nice or smth.

Also it REALLY gives me feels. It makes me feel things in general. I rarely get genuinely scared from fictional stuff anymore but this game fucked me up. I’m still scared to play it on my own because, even after watching multiple youtubers play it multiple times, it still fucking scares me.

The Sayori suicide scene and her poem- especially the poem- really get to me. I saw people making hanging puns in the previous video before her death so it was kind of spoiled for me but even still, it got to me. And the scene where Sayori is freaking out because you deleted Monika before playing the game REALLY gets to me,, like I just understand that overwhelming, helpless feeling. Especially finding out why she acted that way, it’s so fucking hard to watch that scene and normally I’m not affected by this kind of stuff. So either DDLC is extremely good at psychological horror or I have some sort of connection to the scenarios, whether that be just that I’ve been through similar things and am projecting (not really that I remember though? idfk brains are weird) or ya know,,, I once lived as someone in DDLC or whatever.

(TW self harm/suicide/choking) Probably has no real correlation but when I have panic attacks/flashbacks (unrelated to DDLC I mean) I feel like I’m choking or like I can’t breathe. And when really frustrated I tend to choke myself? Sayori died from asphyxiation instead of her neck being broken, by accident because she used a stepping stool instead of something higher like a chair and jumping off. Btw I’m okay, I never actually choke myself to the point to causing permanent damage or anything, and of course I’m not saying this is like, okay or anything. I know it’s bad but I’ve done it completely on impulse, and this was all before learning DDLC even existed. I’m working on getting better and I’m not going to kill myself or anything, just thought I’d mention this.

I relate to her personality,,, so fucking much. Not just the whole pretending to be happy to make your friends happy thing, but how she is as a person besides her depression. Tbh I feel like a lot of people relate to her because of her depression and how she deals with it, but like she’s so much more than that. She pretends to be dumb but it actually pretty smart. Maybe she’s not the best with words but I think she’s a lot more intelligent than some people think. She’s so cheerful, maybe even annoying, and is kind of the class clown, and is a total weirdo sometimes but it’s GREAT and just,, same lmao. Like “looks like my boobs are getting bigger again >:D” is something I’d say lolol I just love Sayori so much, like idc if I’m kin with her or not she’s still fucking amazing.

Another reason I relate to her but probably is like not at all proof I’m Sayori or anything, just thought I’d mention anyways, but I was kinda like, really in love with my guy friend in high school for years, he’s actually kinda like MC in some ways, like he was kinda popular with girls but not like Popular(tm), super nice and couldn’t directly say no, but he knew I was in love with him (or at least knew I had a crush on him but he probably had no idea I liked him THAT much but hey neither did I for a long time lmao) and didn’t like me back and even started intentionally avoiding me. Like, he would make up an excuse to not give me a hug, like he was late for class, but hugs only take like a fucking second what the hell?? It sucked but like when the player turns down Sayori I Relate.

I just,,,,, want to hug Natsuki like she’s fucking adorable and I want to protect her the most bc she’s like a precious child and she’s obviously abused by her dad. Tbh Yuri is a little creepy and for some reason I don’t like her that much but I mean I’d still hug her. I don’t hate Monika, like it was just her programming to do all that stuff she did so I don’t blame her and she’s p cool and I’d hug her too tbh. When Sayori interacts with Natsuki it makes me feel all warm n fuzzy. Like I don’t think in my canon Sayori and Natsuki were dating or anything, I think I/Sayori am/was just really protective? Idk, thought I’d throw that out there.

I also heavily relate to wanting to be a mediator and wanting to help everyone get along and be happy. I often (try to) play that role in this life. I’m extremely empathetic, so that’s prob why, but I can’t stand when people are fighting or can’t see each other’s point of view. Though it also frustrates the FUCK out of me when people refuse to or just absolutely cannot see any point of view but their own. Maybe that’s not really a Sayori thing but ye

When I look at Sayori I get the same “that’s me!” feeling as when I see my kintypes. Who knows though, maybe in a month or two it’ll fade, we’ll see I guess. But right now it is Very Strong. Like I’ve somewhat questioned being fictionkin with other characters before but I’ve never had the “that’s me” feeling this strong with anyone else. Ruby from RWBY is a close second but I still think she’s just a kithtype.

I feel like having a past life or whatever as someone who was experimented on kinda makes sense?? Maybe I just enjoy horror a little too much but I really think if I am Sayori I’m kin with her like actual her not just the DDLC version of her. The new game hasn’t even been announced yet but I’m so excited, mostly because I feel like I want to learn more about my possible past life I guess. I wanna see if things in the second game connect with me or if it’s just DDLC. But I feel like, if I’ve had any past lives as any humans, they were probably really dark or smth. I kinda have a dark mind I guess and that would just make sense to me lmao, like I’m 21 why haven’t I grown out of my edgy phase, why the fuck am I still really into creepypasta? Damn.

I’ve been kinda obsessed with DDLC lately. I have BPD so it could totally just be a BPD obsession thing and maybe this obsession will fade and someday I won’t care too much about DDLC, only time will tell. Also I’ve had the song Your Reality stuck in my head for a week straight but it may just be a catchy song and I tend to have a song that kinda automatically starts playing in my head occasionally, usually lately it’s been Sad Machine by Porter Robinson (good song btw highly recommend)

Most likely unrelated but Sayori’s hair has been described as “strawberry blonde” on one wiki and my hair is like, light brown but reddish, though it looks more like Monika’s hair, especially because I keep my hair long. I’ve been kinda wanting to cut it but I like having long hair tbh and I feel like a lot of ppl don’t want me to cut my hair haha, though I really wanna get a short wig and maybe wear that occasionally (esp bc I’m non binary and wanna pass as more boyish sometimes, I know society will never accept me as nb bleh but anyways). Though, it’s been said that the reason her hair is short is because it’s easier for her to deal with, but I’m not 100% sure if that’s canon. Though I guess it doesn’t matter much? cuz multiverse stuff n all but, still.

Speaking of her appearance, she seems to not care too much about how she looks, which I relate to haha, especially because of depression n stuff. I mean I have Crippling Social Anxiety(tm) so I do care to an extent but usually I’m like, if someone likes me they’ll like me for who I am not how I look anyways. I don’t feel the need to dress super proper to impress anyone in casual social situations, like making friends or even going on dates (though I’ve only been on a real date like a few times and they were with my gf who I’d already been dating online for a while). And yeah a big reason she’s so careless about her appearance is depression but I think if I wasn’t depressed and she wasn’t depressed we’d still both have that mentality like, we don’t need to impress anyone with our appearance so it’s better to just dress how you want, whatever way makes you feel comfortable and happy with yourself and your body, than focus on being proper and stuff.

Maybe I’m just projecting but man I feel like a lot of stuff I do and my ways of thinking and stuff are very Sayori(tm). I feel like I am so much like her, like she’s so me. Though of course, maybe my reason for being kin with her is purely psychological. Maybe I “became” her after seeing DDLC. Maybe I am her because I relate to her so much. But again, only time will tell. If I still feel like I identify as her (which, currently, I most definitely do) in a couple of months or so, then I guess I’ll start calling myself fictionkin. Idk.

[habibialkaysani]

@therewas-a-girl

replied to your post

“preview of my next fic (Dinah/Diggle; T for now but will be higher)”

I like how well u capture dinahs dry sense of humor btw

aww thank you. she has a few of those moments in this fic. :)

@therewas-a-girl

replied to your post

“y'all why are you sleeping on my fic I want people to actually read it...”

I was about to write this in the fic but i realized it wouldnt be relevant there. I thibk one issue might be the cheating element. I mean it is for me. I dont willingly go out to look for fics about people cheating. Idk i never have. But then again maybe this is just me xause i know plentybof ppl who ship things like that - like canarrow even before sara came back and oliver and laurel were over. So idk

I mean - yeah. I get that. totally. and I’m not saying I’m condoning cheating or saying that this is in any way an ideal or healthy relationship. because like idk if you read my other spartancanary fic but I actually had dinah have the line “you’re fucking your problems away” and like, it’s dysfunctional and wrong but that’s... kinda what makes it a rich story, for me? idk if that makes sense. I just think it’s an interesting relationship, you know? plus, call me annoying but like - I like writing non-white ships. as in ships that have all parties be people of colour. (in fact I might include a white people joke just because.) there aren’t enough of them out there esp in dctv where most of the big superheroes are white.

and I’m glad you brought up canarrow. I’m sure I’ve come across a fic about sara and oliver’s first time together in the back of a car or at some kind of festival or something, and like, oliver was very clearly cheating on laurel and not just with anyone - with his girlfriend’s sister. but in the comments no one brought that up, that I can remember, anyway, and it was actually quite widely read if I remember correctly. but I’m searching for it and I have no clue who wrote it lmao so it’s not hugely substantial evidence that I’m right :P

I do get that maybe ollie was the kind of douche to do that to his girlfriend whereas diggle wouldn’t do that to the mother of his child, and I know it’s different in that sense. but I also think - john is in a realllllllly bad place rn with his ptsd (which he does have even if the show will never vocalise it) and the injury he sustained while on lian yu. and I feel like when you’re in a bad place you do things you regret. or things you wouldn’t normally do. I think that’s what’s happening to john here. and dinah is a good person too and she hates the idea of being the other woman but in the last month or so she’s found herself feeling really lonely. and it’s like that line from a streetcar named desire, my favourite play ever by tennessee williams - “you need somebody, and I need somebody, too. could it be - you and me?”

@therewas-a-girl

replied to your post

“preview of my next fic (Dinah/Diggle; T for now but will be higher)”

Your characterisation is on point as ever and i have a very special love in my heart for quiet moments between teammates - regartkess of if theyre lovers or friends. Im a tually very here for a fic exploring dinahs feelings and where her head is. What shes doing with her life. How THIS life has impacted her as a person. Id read that with love bc i love her character

yeah I mean the first bit minus a few moments could be construed as just a really intense friendship (which is what I’m feeling like the writers will go for with them because wendy mericle and juliana harkavy have both said that it’s not going to be romantic) and I am totally here for the moments of peace between the team. but yeah I think there are a lot of gaps to be filled in with dinah’s character and a lot to her story we don’t really know. plus those five months where she gets promoted and seems more confident as canary is also development done offscreen. glad you like my characterisation - esp because I barely write one character and have only just started writing the other and I wasn’t sure how they would come across on paper.

@lancedinah

replied to your post

“okay, medical people of tumblr. can anyone explain to me what john...”

I'm not the medical side of tumblr and I still need to watch the episode but usually with degenerative nerve damage it means that it is irreversible and once your nerves begin to get damaged they become weakened and that can cause tremors to occur.

ah I see. so basically (spoilers) diggle got a bit of shrapnel in his chest during the explosion on lian yu and that led to degenerative nerve damage, resulting in him being unable to fire his gun. but if you’re saying it’s irreversible I can see how it would affect john mentally too, as well as the tremor.

[whyshanti]

twenty nineteen. periodt.

i genuinely felt the need to write this because i was bored i have not written anything in a really long time. but mostly because there’s only a few who might read this and not care afterwards. it sucks to not be able to do something that i used to enjoy for quite a while. but here i am!

a lot of thoughts to unburden and a lot of unspoken feelings to unpack. let’s get to it, bih.

1. this year felt like it was dragging on. i wanted it to end asap.

so this year, i actually had A LOT of time. where did it go? 

to: movies, series, anime, music, watching youtube videos, breakdowns, feeling stuck & paralyzed,  academics, reading articles about pop culture & mainstream shit, going out with friends, chatting random ppl at night bc i thought i could trust them (and some of them, i can), and etc.

but on a more serious note, i really was more into the world of media, of both mainstream and indie worlds. i still can’t believe i got through this semester when i have been doing these things unrelated to uni. some ppl are also baffled by this activity log that i have. 

point is: i felt like a walking zombie. probably looked like one as well. there is this routine that i have to do and i got really sick of myself. i didn’t have the motivation to strive more. i was always either sleeping (at least for the first half of the year) or watching. it all feels lifeless. the latter part of the year, my body clock was wrecked. i did not like the weather during daytime. at all. i slept during the day when i did not have classes then i was awake at night. but i try to get as much sleep as i can because my health is declining. i think.

also this year felt like it had 3 sequels. unnecessary, boring, full-of-jump-scares type of sequels. fuck.

2. feeling anxious and chill at the same time.

the only thing that made me feel chill at the latter part of the year is the fact that this shit... like all these shitty things we’ve been doing... will pass anyway. 

i don’t know if it’s because of the new system that was implemented but it definitely feels like the stress levels were high only during exam weeks. for real. i am grateful to have THAT kind of “stress privilege (??)” but i also wish i was stressing over something that gives me LIFE. i know i’m studying for something that will actually help me provide something for myself and for my family but my soul (oh crap here’s where things get cheesy) screams i should do something else. 

my friend always tells me to chill but i couldn’t because there’s always that nagging thought that i have to do something productive everyday. i think it stems from past disappointments, failed expectations from ppl close to me, and just basically feeling like a failure. i’m a frantic mess who somehow has the time to do unnecessary things. wish the energy was put into finishing acads on time or earlier, but here we are. think they meant that i should be chill with mysef. to be kind to myself. to not panic and breathe.

another thing is that there’s a load of information shoved in my head that really paralyzes me to act on something.

3. leaving behind the things i’ve outgrown.

it’s so funny how i’ve met few new people this year who i already treasure only to have quite a number of people to walk out of my life.

it’s not really surprising to me. i think we all wanted it to happen anyway. i’m just happy that things kind of subtly fell apart for things to make more sense. the feeling is kind of like how a misplaced puzzle piece is put into its rightful place. finally, i don’t have to force myself and i think the feelings are mutual. anyway, this year was a revelation in itself despite how dragging the pacing felt. love how the gunk went out and i see now what i’ve been blind to. chuck the deuce! definitely a thank u, next moment.

4. meeting new people, unexpected unions.

i definitely did not expect to form connections and be reunited with some of my old friends this year. also witnessed deepened friendships. 

there’s always this thing where i put my energy on a high level when i’m meeting new people just to seem decent and happy then slowly revealing how tired, sad, and boring i can be. then there’s that fear of losing people’s interest in me or people not becoming excited to talk to me about... anything really. never thought i’d have this fear of losing certain people in my life. i want to detach myself from that and from people themselves too (in a healthy way ofc). 

i’ve never ever felt like i could lose people in an instant. there’s that thing where i worry if i’m too much or i’m lacking for people. so i appreciate people who let me know if i’m crossing the line or if i’m doing something that completely annoys them because i really want to be part of people’s lives, meaningfully and genuinely. a good one. i don’t want to half-ass my relationships with other people and i seek loving relationships that thrive and inspire where it doesn’t only get good at the start but is continually progressing even when we don’t see each other often. it’s fascinating how as we get older, we see how relationships are not as simple as we think they are but really are simple at the same time. we have different goals, we are at different stages in our lives, we are facing shit that nobody else seems to understand and things that don’t seem to end, and we can only hope that our mere presence and emotionally available hearts will listen to whatever the other person has to unburden. 

to somehow let them know that they don’t need permission to rest and to do things that they are afraid of pursuing. 

4a. discovering new artists.

AURORA: the most underrated artist for sure. watched every interview/video/set because she is that bitch. her SONGS, man. i swear. she is that ethereal fairy from the forest. her fucking voice just draws me in. she deserved a better role in frozen 2 tho. she needs to be a lead in a musical animated movie. idc idc i said what i said.

beabadoobee: fucking rockstar, reviving the 90s grunge music and looks.

Billie Eilish: a badass. hate how she still stans bieber tho. 

5. daydreaming of a new life.

you don’t know how many times i’ve been dreaming to have a big house. 

it’s time. we really need a new house. i’m not, as what the kids say, vibing with this old house anymore. this is what i wish to leave behind as soon as possible. how do i even get the MONEY to afford it? i’m just hoping for a miracle to happen, you know. i really wish my family gets to be in a better home soon.

i think if u know me, u might have caught me spacing out a few times. 

idk why this always happens. it’s so rude to the person speaking to me but my mind literally drifts off to another planet. it’s not that they’re boring. i just can’t help it. i feel like shit thinking about how many times it has happened to me. 

sometimes, i dream of being this whole new different person. 

someone who is better than who i am. someone who is good at something and is passionate about the things she does. there are a lot of things i am interested in doing but i don’t have the courage to actually do it. idk why i always turn into a statue when i think of things that i wanna do.

6. God.

it’s been a long time. i have lost contact with You but You are always there to patch things up for me. every effin’ time. i cry everytime.

it must be because i was raised in a christian setting. that’s why i always think it’s You who’s working behind the scenes. but still i am grateful.

saved me from certain people.

saved me this semester.

saved me from pulling worthless all-nighters.

provided me financially esp when i thought i had nothing.

prevented a severe acid reflux situation.

gave me new friends.

did literally so many things that saved me from bad situations and people in general like WHO DOES THAT??

7. a life without a plan.

this is literally what i wanted to happen. not carelessly but like where i don’t have to worry about what to do next. just let things be and go with the flow. the first half of this year, i really did not think things through as i normally would and i let plans fall just to enjoy what was in front of me. be at ease and be present during that time. and i did. it was a peaceful, cheery time tbh.

8. every day i wanted to start over just to get over a lot of things.

9. i missed a lot of ppl.

10. i wanted to be held. not by a certain someone. not romantically. but by anyone close to me. *plays i’m with you by avril lavigne*

sometimes we all just need a long hug. that’s all. and it’d be nice to hear more stories from people. :)

11. not everybody will reciprocate the same energy that i send out to them and it’s okay.

this bummed me out. felt like an effin’ loser but i’ve learned that people have businesses to do. life doesn’t always happen the way we want it to.

12. this the final year of college. just finish it already, dumbass. 

13. why can’t i just be kathryn bernardo or AURORA for like a month or a year? i promise i will not ruin their careers lmao.

14. i want to make major changes in my stupid life but money is an issue.

15. the stars are below the sky now.

the state of the environment is the same as of our minds. polluted and overloaded with gibberish to the point that we get scared of doing one thing at a time and where we also don’t throw away the unnecessary baggage/s. 

we’re so intent on doing things all at the same time. finishing everything in one sitting. being productive became an addiction and it scared me how i was becoming affected by this. there’s this constant thought that we collectively share which is to do something by every day and it only adds up to people’s anxiety and depression. social media definitely made us aware of mental illnesses/disorders but then it became a trend. people self-diagnose themselves and end up with the wrong treatment. some people use it as a tool to get followers and... ugh it’s all a mess. i hope people get the right treatment/s AND/or professional help because if they don’t, they’ll lose themselves. i mean... just look at the sky. there’s literally no sign of a star now if u live in the city. we’ve lost sight of what should guide us. we are unconsciously following a false light thru our devices. 

i’m not good at analogies or at explaining things as u can tell. but moving on...

this hyper self-awareness that i have gained from social media has its advantages but is also distracting me from living my best life. i didn’t realize that i was making my own christmas lights inside my seemingly dark mind when really... it’s just clouded by all this information that’s coming in fast and has affected who i am and certain areas of my life. i’ve almost forgotten this and i’ve come to believe again that there’s always an ever-present light and it will take time to get used to its brightness once my mind gets clearer by the day. hopefully, it will.

anyway, CLIMATE CHANGE IS REAL AND WE NEED TO SAVE EARTH. 

16. men are trash. 

17. the people who i should avoid always looks odd or unpleasant and has bad energy. i know shit when i sense one. 

18. i’m not happy with my life and with who i am but i’ll work with what i’ve got.

life gives u a mirror and shits on your face. sheesh.

for some reason, i can’t forget what my adviser told me during my 4th year of high school. she told me “it seems like you’re a person full of regrets” and every time i have a cryfest, i think of that. idk why. (never underestimate the power of a few words, folks). you know how like in flow charts, u encounter decision points? the diamond shapes? i think i always decide no and end up with the worst consequence and then there’s no more starting over. 

i don’t think i understand flow charts well. ugh. 

i can’t come up with a cool transition to me having insecurities so let’s say i did!

some people’s beauty, inspiring. but others just make you feel like shit.

i really want to explore my feminine side more because i was more masculine when i was younger. i’m not gentle, i’m a bit aggressive. and it just doesn’t fit with who i want to be. idk why. and also, it’s fun (!!!). you get a taste of what it’s like and it’s so EMPOWERING at least for the short experience that i had. but can make me feel very conscious of my entire being and i just end up wearing cartoony disguises. ironic but BABY STEPS. when i think about it, there’s really no black or white answer whether this or that is feminine or masculine.  

self-love is not a 5-step process. 

it is continuous improvement of oneself to the point where you don’t give a fuck about what they say. i really envy the ones who are comfortable in their own skin, who are totally embracing their flaws. they just bloom. some people just look like them. like it’s SO THEM. unmistakably them. and i think if everyone had that, we would not have standards anymore.

oh, to live in a time where individuality is encouraged but is also discouraged when not lived up to its standards. hurray.

19. this year was the year of mindless decisions. periodt.

20. hoping that the new year, 2020, will be the year of CLARITY where i know who i really am, embracing it, and where i will not be taking anymore of anyone’s bullshit. where i know where i stand in my relationships with other people and vice versa. there will be intentional but meaningful endings that will pave the way for blossoming beginnings. 

let’s hope it unfolds the way it should be. for the better.

bonus: nobody knows what the fuck they’re doing. everyone’s just going with the flow. be yourself.

note: this is a compilation of thoughts, informally. thank u.

[grandschemed]

All salty questions please

1. how salty are you feeling right now?

i had my cup of coffee and it’s 9:15 and i don’t have any work to do at work at the moment so u know?? i actually feel pretty good i’m chill it’s all good but please continue reading under the cut for more salty unpopular opinions by yours truly :*

2. what are your unpopular opinion(s) of the fandom you’re rping in?

3. what rp trends are you so over and can’t wait for it to die?

4. have you ever made a call out post or wanted to?

i don’t think i have??  i’ve never really had an issue with somebody to the point that i felt as if i needed to make a callout post which thank god??? i’m grateful i’ve ( for the most part ) had really positive experiences so far 

as for callout culture itself ?? i have mixed feelings about it bc the majority of callout posts i’ve read seem kind of Harsh bc ur essentially damning this person from the roleplay community forever esp. bc i personally don’t think roleplaying is That Deep u know??  like theft is annoying and whatnot but idk if it’s something i’d call somebody out for personally - MAYBE I WOULDN’T MIND CALLOUT POSTS if anons didn’t go overboard telling said individual to die / kill themselves ??? 

HOWEVER i think there are instances in which callout posts are necessary esp. when calling out tumblr users for being a racist / pedophile / etc. THAT’S SUBJECTIVE AS HELL i know but pedophilia is GROSS AS FUCK and SO IS RACISM and god forbid i accidentally follow / write with any of those people because ew ew ew EW it’s good to know who to avoid in the community at the same time so ... Yeah i’ve got mixed feelings about callout posts

5. a ship everyone in the fandom you’re in loves, but you can’t stand?

since i’m a multimuse part of 1002 fandoms i’ll focus on haikyuu!! except i’m pretty sure i’m going to get my ass roasted alive but i really can’t stand i/waoi LMAO but that’s mostly out of bias and the fact that a lot of i/waoi shippers have ruined it for me by viciously hating on u/shijima as a character calling him a r/apist and saying that u/shioi is abusive when u/shijima has done literally nothing ever to abuse o/ikawa like what ?? if anything i/waoi is the abusive ship considering i/waizumi’s the one who physically hurts o/ikawa all the time LOL

shitty shippers aside idk i/waoi’s personally just not really my jam?  to be honest all the super popular hq!! ships aren’t rly my jam - i don’t even really have good explanation for why i dislike i/waoi as much as i do from an unbiased point of view but i prefer them as friends ?? in all honesty ??  JUST MY 2 CENTS THO 

6. have you ever sent something to one of those burn book blogs?

lol no i might be extra but i aint That Extra laughs in all seriousness i rly haven’t had any major problems w/ other roleplay blogs to the point that i was tempted to send something to a burn book blog

7. has someone made you unfollow/block them without a second thought because of a petty reason?

i’m trying to remember if there were any instances in which i did so for a petty reason but most of the time ??? i usually unfollow if somebody writes something Inherently Problematic / over-the-top purple prose / they don’t follow me back ... there was one time when i unfollowed somebody bc i asked them for their autoplay bc i rly liked the song and i just wanted to listen to it??? LMAO but they thought i was going to steal from them just bc we wrote the same muse and i was like Bro. I JUST LIKED UR AUTOPLAY what the hell i just wanted to listen to it 200 times in a row on youtube chill so i unfollowed them bc lmao how dare you assume i’d steal from somebody in the first place Get Over Yourself Susan

8. are you good at dealing with personal problems?

i’d say so?? again i usually don’t rly have roleplaying issues but problems aside from those i usually like to vent on twitter and i feel Much Better after that??  im a pretty chill person irl and shit doesn’t rly get to me so i can come off as kind of blunt / insensitive but i feel like i get over most stuff pretty quickly - there’s no reason to get Angry and make somebody suffer when somebody tries to fuck you over imo??  True Vengeance is aspiring to be happier / richer / more successful / fulfilled than that person will ever be - that’s my Fuck You to those people y’know?? 😂😂😂 life is so much better when i focus on me and figuring out what i can do to fulfill my emotional needs - i feel very lucky with what i have and all my friends and family who cherish + support me of course though !!

9. what’s your opinion on duplicates?

i may come off as a confident self-assured person but even i get shaken time to time y’know??  but for the most part i don’t rly mind duplicates??  in fact i like to try to befriend them to get over any anxiety i might have over duplicates and i think it’s a silly thing to be uncomfortable by duplicates personally bc again roleplaying rly ain’t that deep you guys - in fact you guys both like the same character so you guys chose to write the same character??  duplicates + i already have a connection in that sense!!  also duplicate muse threads are SUPER COOL to write in my opinion bc it lets your muse face themselves and they can rly see themselves for who they really are which i think is Always Cool because i love writing threads in which i get to explore emotional depth with my muses ?? PLUS DUPLICATES ARE COOL bc it’s kind of interesting to see how other people interpret the same character you write bc everybody has different opinions 

i know the anxiety might be there but i think the best advice my mom has ever given me is not to compare yourself to other people even if you think they’re better than you or something and i know that’s hard advice to follow for everybody but roleplaying is a hobby and it’s done for fun - there’s so many other things you can stress about in life so why let roleplaying be one of those things??  focus on yourself and focus on your muse and developing that muse with other people and people will want to come to you to write with them.  preferences will always be a thing - it’s only natural but focus on having fun with your muse as opposed to worrying about other people!!

10. any fandom(s) you don’t want to rp in or crossover to?

11. are you for or not for purple prosing?

12. has someone in the rp community ever made you upset/cry?

i don’t think..... so??  upset maybe but not to the point of crying??  i mean again i’ve never really had a truly terrible experience but i did have an ex-writing partner who used to constantly guilt trip me until i finally broke it off with them because it was starting to affect my real life relationships and whatnot and i didn’t want to bear that burden anymore as much as i wanted to be their friend but i couldn’t singlehandedly bear all of their problems for them anymore because it wasn’t healthy for me nor was it good for them so i cut them out of my life for both of our sakes - i’ve had great times with this person but ultimately, i’m glad i did what i did and i’m proud of myself for being able to focus on my own emotional needs

13. ever told someone not to follow/rp with a particular person because something that happened to you in the past?

i ... can’t remember laughs I DON’T THINK SO???  people have told me not to write w/ certain people before when i go into new communities blind but for the most part i don’t think i’ve really had an overly terrible experience to the point that i felt i had to tell other people not to roleplay with / follow them ... i’ve been very blessed with a good experience so far!!

14. ever knew someone that everyone loves but you can’t stand?

i would say ‘can’t stand’ is kind of harsh but i dislike them because of a petty reason???  it’s fine tho bc they stay in their lane and i stay in mine - it’s all good imo.  i for the most part have enough decency not to hate on other people’s ships but this person kept telling me about how much they dislike my ships to my face on a consistent basis which again PETTY and i know they weren’t in a good place at the time but shrugging emoji idk i just thought it was kind of rude ??

15. have you ever done something out of spite?

i do everything out of spite im jk but seriously if you tell me i can’t do smth i will only do said thing with 100% more effort out of sheer spite like THERE WAS SOMEBODY who told me i couldn’t ship a certain ship so i proceeded to flood my dash with 300% more ship content you’re welcome headass spite is a Great Motivator

me: i’m a chill person and im going to be the happiest person ever :)also me: u test me bitch and im coming for ur entire life

16. what would you say to the one who hurt you in the past?

i hope you are incandescently happier than you were before.  i hope you are in a better place and i hope you are still writing with people who appreciate you and can give you the attention you deserve.  i hope you are a better person today and i wish you nothing but the best in a life without me, but i do not miss you nor do i ever want you back in my life.  i cherish the good times we had together, but we are better off without each other regardless of what you might still think and i hope you don’t.  i hope you recognize what you did and i hope you are a wonderful person today.

17. what are your opinions when someone makes negative posts constantly on their rp blog?

if you make more negative posts than roleplay content i’m gonna unfollow you??  i understand you’re having a hard time with your life but honestly i followed you to write with you - it’s not that your well-being doesn’t matter to me but i write to have fun + destress and ultimately, roleplaying is about myself??  im not doing this for other people - im doing this for me.  i don’t mind occasional negative posts ( ESPECIALLY WHEN THEY’RE TAGGED !! ) but if you’re consistently complaining about how much you think you suck compared to everyone else or how you think nobody wants you around, then i’m going to unfollow you because i came to write with you because i thought you were COOL!!  i know people just want to vent ( LORD KNOWS I VENT A LOT even if it’s about little stuff ) but consider making a twitter / a personal tumblr in which you can do so instead of your roleplay blog which is for roleplaying ???  idk that’s just my opinion but i try to keep my roleplaying blog strictly related to the content - i don’t even want to flood my blog with too many ooc asks bc u guys didn’t follow me to read my constant ooc posts ( even if i feel like i write a lot LMAO ) - u guys followed to write w me !!!!

18. do you hold grudges for long?

i say no but at the same time i’ve been really bitter towards an ex-best friend for three years now.  NONE OF THESE GRUDGES ARE ROLEPLAY-RELATED but again my way of vengeance is to be way happier and more successful than her and never ever see her again because that’s the decision she made??  we used to be Super Close but then she got a boyfriend and her entire life revolved around her boyfriend and we never spent any more time together after that like ??? it’s clear who she chose over me so if she doesn’t want to make the effort to spend time with me then i see no effort to give her any thought.  also the fact that she, as a white individual, complained to my other best friend behind my back that i’m apparently too “sensitive” about popular media.  like really?  wow, must be nice to have all the representation you could possibly ever ask for, karen.  get the fuck out of here with that attitude /:  

also SUPER PERSONAL but i’m salty about my kind-of-ex because he basically acted like he was really invested in me when he was still hung up on somebody else and i let myself be emotionally vulnerable around him until he confessed to me that he just wanted to be friends because he was still into his ex and then proceeded to neglect our friendship because he’d spend all of his time with his ex ( who he predictably got back together with + who turned out to be a really shitty selfish manipulative person who he broke up with anyway ) which was Fine i was already used to that anyway with SEE: ABOVE FRIEND but then after he broke up with her he’s tried to come back into my life on various occasion because he’s never had as Great of a Friend as me and frankly i can’t forgive him or myself for making myself invest any sense of emotion into him it makes me so angry to think i was actually upset because i actually cared a lot about him and he made me feel like i wasn’t good enough and how fucking dare he make me feel like that ever?  i’m the Fucking Best and he deserves absolutely nothing from me he deserves perfect indifference and i hope he never ever feels fulfilled in his life i wish him a great and terrible lack of satisfaction for the rest of his miserable life xoxo i’m going to be SO MUCH HAPPIER THAN THAT ASSHOLE i’m years and years better off without him i hope he pines for my friendship for the rest of his life

19. wild card: ask the mun any type of salty asks.

20. if you’re feeling salty right now, this ask gives you a free reign to pour out your frustration.

i feel like question 18 let me do that so i’m good but also ??? fuck the gangsta. novel ??? for its HORRIBLE characterization of worick + nic’s relationship ???  the gangsta. novel treats their relationship as if nic is some dog/servant to worick which in itself is gross in concept because haha yay a poc character forcibly being subservient to a white character THAT’S COOL :)))))))) but also ??????? uh AUTHOR ARE WE READING THE SAME MANGA ?????

worick has never treated nic as a dog / servant even when they were children - worick even taught him how to read / write ??? worick and nic were e/o’s first and only friends for a long while ??? they’ve lived together for so many years - they canonly share shirts, they’re business partners, worick was genuinely hurt to see nic in so much pain.  not only does worick NOT see nic as a dog / servant HE LOVES NIC ???  HE LOVES HIM SO MUCH THEIR RELATIONSHIP MEANS SO MUCH TO ME they’ve been through so much together and worick since he was 14 has literally supported the both of them via Really Horrible Means that i won’t get into - i’ll leave it up to your imagination but he split the profit he made from what he did with nic ???  there’s no way worick would’ve done that shit if he viewed nic as somebody beneath him esp. when survival was so difficult for two 14-year-old boys with no funds or resources they’ve survived together through thick and thin and there’s a special relationship they have and i love worick and nic okay I LOVE THEM SO MUCH EVEN IF THEY MAKE SHITTY DECISIONS AND WHATNOT nobody will ever convince me otherwise 

also if you’ve made it to the end i commend you and thank you for reading my salty opinions / personal problems / issues :* i hope you all have a wonderful day :**

[nemossubmarine]

For the Tabletop RPG Ask Meme: 2, 7, 13, 17, 21, 23, 26, 30

2.) When did you start role playing? How old were you?I’m quite new to this, actually. We tried to start few games of DnD back in high school, but never got farther than one session (and the second attempt stopped at character creation), so it don’t really count. It mostly failed on the fact that it all felt so complicated. I started the Dragon Age RP I’m still playing in 2014, actually, we’ll be going exactly 3 years this month. :P I was 20.

7.) Longest campaign you’ve run or played in?3 years of DA RP. :D I’ve both played in it and ran it. About 50/50 time-wise. Longest single adventure was 9-sessions of boats and pirates we did last spring, I was playing in that.

13.) Your most ridiculous character. Def Juicyman666 or just Juicy. I visited a friend last month for a week and he took me to his local RP-club and I got to partake in a Cyberpunk RP for a session. Juicy was my friend’s character’s bf. He did bodyguard jobs mostly. He always wore bright neon colored crop-tops and booty shorts with the word “JUICY” on the butt (the pre-rolled character sheet said that he didn’t wear much so I just ran with it). And he was really fond of one-liners. And really really 90′s in general. Like Wesley Snipes in Demolition Man? That’s what I imagined him like.

17.) Something that shouldn’t have worked, but did.Literally the first thing I thought of was the awkward seducing incident. So, the story goes, our characters are trapped in a dream-world. Our dwarf warrior, Randy, thinks he’s an elf, because dwarves don’t dream in DA-universe. Cahair (my elven rogue) and Elspet (human mage) try to go get him, but he has somehow gotten himself into this situation which involves lots of naked elves and rocking horses (don’t ask). So. Logical thing for my character to do is strip down and go seduce him. Right? Right?? It worked. And then Cahair spent almost the entire trip in the dream-world dragging Randy around, pretending to be his boyfriend (which was super-awkward bc Cahair’s unrequited love was there too). It basically ended with Cahair making a deal with a demon just to get Randy back to normal.(we… don’t talk about this incident IC at all, we have all agreed it’s for the best)

Oh and I guess, one time we were so lost we asked a demon for directions? It worked. We wished it wouldn’t have… Caused us a lot of trouble that.

21.) Your favorite NPC and how the party reacted to him/her  Aah, that’s no doubt Konstantine, my necromancer mage I introduced in last campaign as a teacher for one of our mages. Well that mage in question hit it off with him right away, though the rest were a bit slower to warm up to him, since y’know, necromancy (or “black magic” as some referred to it, even tho it’s totally respectable in Konstantine’s home country) Our templar was most suspicious, since Konstantine has escaped from the mage tower. But, he’s part of our pirate crew now, and people have warmed up to him, and they seem to think he’s good enough with his magic to be a teacher and not need constant surveillance.

23.) Something you made up on the spot. Well, the DnD campaign I’m running rn is at least 50% made up on the spot as I don’t have time to write very detailed things. :D That’s going to bite me in the ass. It already has. The party found a body last session and for some reason I went a lil overboard with the blood descriptions and it basically ended with me going “yeah, clearly there’s been more people killed here, but you have no idea where the bodies are”. And… I don’t know where the bodies are, or why, oh no…

I also held a one-shot story about one of our DA RP characters killing his father with the help of some assassins (well, he wanted to rescue his mother and the father-killing was an unfortunate plus) and since I didn’t want to tell the players playing the assassins that assassination was the order of business, I had no idea how they were planning on doing it, before we began playing. Had to play the whole session by the ear, basically.

26.) The craziest thing your players have ever done, and how it affected your plans.I don’t think my players do crazy things that would affect my plans so greatly. Partly it’s because (esp in the past, but I’m getting better) I’ve been a bit of a rail-roader. Secondly we have pretty level-headed characters, so that even if someone wants to do something that might fuck me over (such as killing the arl’s son since he saw them breaking into the arl’s mansion) they’ll usually come up with a better solution (drugging him).

Well.. I guess they did skip one side-plot completely, bc they were just having none of that. There was this cursed house campaign I did, and a side-plot had to do with helping the ghosts of the kids in the house to rest (it wasn’t like, spelled out to the players but would have quickly became apparent). One of the kids (a teenager) they found so annoying that they just didn’t talk to her after the first time. :D Other was a very tiny boy they found in his room. He started bleeding and screaming. And our templar just… closed the door. Ah well. Stay restless my kids. I just skipped that content completely, it was a side-plot after all. (although they found the third kid (who was turned into a glass statue) again in a later campaign and are now trying to free her, so I guess the key was not talking?? :D)

30.) What makes GMing fun for you. I really like trying all sorts of different things for campaigns, content and game-play wise. I don’t think I’ve written two campaigns that were the same. I also like that I can write stories that are more than just a bit cliche and that can have some self-indulgent stuff in them that can still be enjoyable to gm and for the players to play. And writing campaigns, it’s just like, this creativity that keeps on building and rolling. I get so much joy from trying to figure out the plot points I left for myself and making sense of things and thinking “how can I lay these things out for the players to pick up?”Also I like working with players in learning about their characters and incorporating some personal elements into the campaigns (though the second part might not always work).And and when players take something that has happened to their characters in a campaign and use that as character development moment. Rly makes me happy, even tho idk how often that happens either. I just rly dig when situations I put people into inspire them to have character moments. ;A;

[flyingcookierambles]

forgot if i already talked about it but i guess i honestly didnt like wolf children/boy and the beast that much lol and i think i finally figured out why

ok so ill have my original post and short convo i had with this one guy and then write about my feelings after those two that provide some context.

ok real quick so wolf children and the boy and the beast are both from award winning anime director mamoru hosoda!

wolf children has a single mother with 2 kids who are werewolves/shifters since they can change whenever they want. she’s a widow because her husband was walking around the city in wolf form, scared ppl, and got killed by animal control in tokyo. she and her kids move out to the rural boonies on a small homestead where she farms and stuff so that her kids can have space to be their wolf forms and run around without fear.

the boy and the beast has a human child fall into the hidden magical parallel furry world and get raised by this beast/bear furry? i...forget what his adoptive dad’s species is lol, sorry its been a long time since ive seen the movie.

spoilers for the ending but. here.

wolf children - yuki, the daughter, decides to stay in the human world with her mom and go to high school. ame, the son, decides to live his life as a furry/wolf boy protecting the forests.

boy and the beast - adoptive father sacrifices himself for protag, fuses spirits/hearts/whatever with protag so that they’re not really separated even in death, then the protag and dad defeat the antagonist and the protag decides to stay in the human world with his human girlfriend.

soooo. yeah. the movie ends with the families splitting up and the two cultures of mundane humans and magical creatures separating forever.

(og post) original post from my kitsu:

“ok, so like after watching wolf children tonight, im left with a bunch of questions and, idk maybe i dont understand the ending, but like. what. i also have a copy of the boy and the beast and watched it a while go. and like. i feel like, out of his two movies, they were overall very good. however, the endings always leave me with a ton of questions and mixed feelings? is mamoru hosoda just going to be “that guy” for me? you know, “that guy.” like, he’s an ok dude but you have mixed feelings about him? is it still worth watching his other movies, the girl who leapt through time and summer wars, at this rate? idk???? edit: …. i realized i also borrowed mirai from the library, am i going to watch the whole thing and then be like. what.“

response to this one guy, pseudonym:

I didn’t like wolf children and while I overall enjoyed the boy and the beast I did feel it was lacking something. Give summer wars a go though as in my opinion it’s easily his best film, that said I haven’t seen Mirai.

my responses:

“ that’s interesting. hmm im trying to figure out what i didn’t like about his endings for these two movies and i think it might be the whole separation thing? but the weird thing was that i didn’t mind the family separation thing in maquia, another family drama oriented anime? so idk ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ ????? what about you?”

pseudomym:

“I haven’t seen Maquia. It’s been a while since I watched either film but I just remember Boy and the beast feeling generally a little uninspired and wolf children feeling hollow having nothing going on but cuteness and idealization of the mother character that I couldn’t get behind. It also fell into the annoying and well worn trap of insisting the daughter come to terms with her wolf side as necesary but the boy’s arc is to go reject his humanity and abandon his family to live in the woods as a young teen and the mother learning to accept his really stupid decision. Fuck that, thats a shtty life decision and it should be treated accordingly.”

my response:

i agree with some points! like, i get that the mother was a hardworking single mother who needed to give her kids some more freedom and also isolation in life to hide the whole werewolf secret, but when ame was just like “imma drop out of elementary school,” and hana was ok with it, i was just staring at the screen like “no, why are you letting him do this?” i feel like my issue with the boy and the beast was that ren decided that “humans and monsters need to live in their own world,” and left forever when i was thinking “no man, you can have both, work in the human world on weekdays and just go back to the monster world on weekends or something, you have basically nothing in the human world but this random girl you met and whatever the japanese version of the GED is.”

so. after thinking about it. literally for a few years. i realized. the reason i don’t like these movies, or at least their endings, since the premises sounds interesting enough for me to try them. is probably because im projecting my own weirdo complex identity issues on them. (own ramble lol) (other ramble on kitsu) (transracial tag on main) (racial imposter syndrome with NPR’s Code Switch) (all mixed up what do we call people of multiple backgrounds, also on NPR’s Code Switch)

so. as you can hopefully see. i. am currently in a pretty big identity/culture crisis. and. i think that the endings of these movies rubbed me the wrong way because their solution was to choose one over the other. like. there’s no room to try to make it work, to try and have a balance between the two worlds.

as mentioned above, in wolf children, why the heck not try to make it work? be a furry forest protector and still visit your mom because you’re in the same area. in fact, ame is literally the stupidest kid/literal elementary school drop out because, instead of trying to help the forest with actual laws and such because bc, its sad but let’s be real, capitalism and bulldozers can affect the forest more than one kid trying to larp as the big bad wolf of the forest. and you know how ame could’ve tried to protect the forest in a more substantial way? literally just. finding a balance between the human and magical werewolf/animal world and becoming a botanist/biologist/ecologist/forest ranger. someone who can bring some actual solutions to fixing issues in the forest with science. instead of like. “feeling the forest vibes” or whatever the heck was even happening there.

and then also as mentioned in the boy and the beast, protag-kun leaves behind all his childhood friends and the ppl who helped his adoptive dad raise him, practically his adoptive aunts and uncles, behind for a random girl he met, his birth dad and step family, and whatever a japanese GED is. like. again, why not try to make it work? have two cultures????

you dont have to choose one over the other!!

i’m sure that mamoru hosoda didn’t mean to be like. idk. insensitive to people of mixed races/cultures, etc., esp. since japan is not a very racially/culturally diverse place so he probably didn’t even have this mindset when making these movies, but the message in the movies’ endings that you have to pick one culture, country/world, family, etc., over the other because they’re just too incompatible is just. absolute bullshit. do i care that they’re werewolf and magic furry world culture? no, i think you can and should still try dude.

like. i have. a bunch of intersectional race/culture/adoption issues, but am i going to try to have some balance and learn about all of them and live with them? yeah????? do you realize how stupid it is to me to think about like. having to pick between cultures???? its just like. to me, picking one over the other would be like forcing me to stay with white americans or just like. go back to china. like the boy and the beast protag did or someshit????? like???? i can try to balance them??? tisn’t that the whole point of like. chinese american/ immigrant created mixed culture/experiences, esp. for ppl like me who are transracially adopted and have complex life experiences???? wtf??????

like. i would love to learn more about my birth country and all but im not going to be an absolute dumbass like the boy and beast protag and move to another world/country just because “its where i’m from” or “i have biological family there.” i cant speak the language, i’d leave all my friends and family oceans away, how the heck would i even live??

anyways TL;DR - as a person with some complex feelings about identity, and culture, and a person greatly interested in intersectionality due to my lived experiences, mamoru hosoda’s movies and their bullshit anti-intersectionality messages, again most likely unintentional but my brain read it as this, make me not like his movies.