Chapters: 1/?
Fandom: Stargate SG-1
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Relationships: Jonas Quinn & SG-1 Team
Characters: Jonas Quinn, Jack O'Neill, Sam Carter (Stargate), Daniel Jackson (Stargate), Teal'c (Stargate), Janet Fraiser (Stargate), George Hammond, Original Stargate Character(s), Original Goa'uld Character(s)
Additional Tags: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Whump, Torture, Grief/Mourning, Suicide Attempt, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Aftermath of Torture, Natural Disasters, Hurt/Comfort, Angst, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, excessive Jonas whump, Explicit Language
Summary:
After the downfall of Langara, Jonas is struggling to come to terms with his new reality. While he's trying to adjust to a permanent life on Earth, a failed mission puts him in danger, with no hope for help.
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Something something... Eddie and Steve are mirror images of each other. Both start as larger than life caricatures of a high school stereotype. But one is "cool, jock, athletic" and the other is "nerdy, freak, outsider"
Something something... except jocks are supposed to be 'aggressive' and nerds 'passive' but they are each the opposite. Eddie starts out as seemingly VERY aggressive (manhandles the boys, yells, makes scenes, etc). Steve starts out as relatively passive (snarky, flirty, dorky, lover-boy).
Something something... they end up flipping back to pre-conceived notions. Steve fights Jonathan, fights the demogorgon. Eddie runs away, hides in the boathouse.
Something something... weapons with nails. A baseball bat is direct fighting, aim to hurt, melee, aggressive. A trashcan lid is a shield, aim to protect, safe.
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Hello cuties,
Tell me your favorite redacted character
Your favorite redacted pair
(Platonic or Romantic idc)
And then tell me your height.
My turn:
My favorite character of all time is shocker shocker David fucking Shaw.
My favorite pair is shocker shocker David x Asher
And I am (no shock) 5'2 🥲
I'm trying to see something
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He refuses to fall for the first person to show him kindness. He may be feeling sorry for himself, but that's a bridge too far.
Even if they are beautiful. And kind to everyone, not just him. And brave. And clever. And strong. And they love animals, and reading. And they have a wry sense of humour that he adores.
He won't. He can't. Besides all else, this is decidedly not the time. A bomb in his chest and a worm in his head and a weight on his shoulders and a shame in his stomach and a shattered heart he's still trying to gather the pieces of. Desperately clinging to the cloak of his past, wrapping himself in his former confidence, pretending it hasn't been worn threadbare with time in isolation and eaten ragged by the moths of doubt and fear and past mistakes.
He fell from grace so far so fast, but he cannot beg affection off the first hand to offer him help up, even if it is the first time he's touched another person in months. Even if that hand did send a sudden warmth through him and feel so right in his own he could almost cry from it.
...This is getting out of hand.
He can just be friendly with them, surely. How does one make friends, again? Shared interests? He mostly just has the one, so he'll share what he can. They pick it up quickly, and the warm magic that surrounds them is a balm on his soul. Right up until they imagine kissing him, and his heart skips a beat. It can't be. It can't be. They can't want him back. It's not possible. And how, after it all, after everything, is he meant to resist the overwhelming temptation of being wanted?
They don't let up, either. Lingering glances. Warm smiles. All but propositioning him at the tiefling party. If there is a single positive thing to be said about his year of orb-imposed abstinence, it's that the willpower he had to build up and the practice denying himself were the only things that enabled him to decline their advances.
Well, that and the risk of blowing up the both of them, along with everyone else in or near the camp.
The warm smiles and lingering gazes and casual touches still continue, though.
This is fine. He's fine. He can't remember the last time he felt like this, someone cared for him like this, and he can't do a damn thing about it, but he's fine. Everything is fine. As fine as it can be, anyways, given everything else about the situation.
He supposes he should probably be more upset about Mystra's orders. At this point, though, it's hard to feel like it's anything besides a way out. A relief that he can be good for something. One more miserable experience, and then he's done with it, and all their problems are solved. There are worse things.
Except.
They're so angry about it. Everyone is, but them especially. Arguing with both him and Elminster the entire time, insisting there's another option. That they'll find or make one. Whatever they have to do to keep him around.
Gods help him, but he does want to stay with them. Stay for them.
He sleeps that night, and awakens with a jolt, a groan, and a realization. He's glad that prestidigitation exists to clean himself up without leaving his tent and risking the others' notice. His body had, apparently, caught up with certain implications before his brain. Though from what snippets of his dream he remembers, maybe it was only his waking mind that had been lagging behind.
He wants them, and he can finally have them. Can give them as much of himself as he's able, in the time he has left.
He had refused, at first, the idea of falling for the first person to show him kindness. And he hasn't. He's fallen for someone who is so much more that that. And he will not, cannot, die without letting them know. If he has to leave them, and he fears he will, then he will not leave them feeling unappreciated, or uncherished, or unloved. Not when he can finally embrace the full depth and breadth of what he feels for them. Has felt for them for what can't have been more than a tenday or two, but feels like a lifetime and a moment all at once.
He will not leave without showing them the full scope of his admiration and appreciation and sheer joy at their presence. The full scope of how impossibly deeply he already loves them. Not while he has any say in it.
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