#idk man you can stone me but this is my case. i'm not asking you to agree with me

[patronsaint-ofthedenial]

I don't like the term "platonic love" or "platonic attraction" mainly cause in my language we use that term for when there is romantic feelings involved but it's either unrequited or it's not acted upon, and also because we have separate words for just love in general and romantic love, but also like bro. I just love my friends it's not that complicated

[transmutationisms]

sorry could you explain your chatgpt essay thing again? i get the general gist of it (who cares if they cheat) but i still cant grasp it entirely as someone who hasnt experienced the college system 💔 i had thought that essays were a foundational part of undergrad education? and so cheating on that part would essentially mean that: a) their education/understanding is "invalid" b) it discredits the work of other people in the same system/their classmates c) their future publications/written work in academia are going to be of worse quality d) in cases of people going to non academia jobs, like being a doctor or a lawyer, this would negatively impact their clients e) they have bad work ethic = will not survive job industry

my guesses are that just in general theres no direct correlation between these things but ppl assume there will be? and that if a plagiarized essay ruins everything then the system wasnt rlly that good?

the only one im rlly unsure of is the second one, but i suppose thats always been a problem with any type of academic cheating amongst peers, and will persist unless academic rankings/validation of excellence/general attitudes toward "success" r also banished. still, while i rlly dont care abt anyone i know cheating on stuff like this lol, i cant help but empathize w students struggling under that same system feeling frustrated. tho Man seeing the lack of empathy they, in turn, can have with chatgpt users. idk, is it just a lose lose situation until you get through the system?

ok sorry again and also thanks

hi, no worries. let me try to break down my position here.

i had thought that essays were a foundational part of undergrad education

i mean, this varies widely by course / degree / department. but, even when it's true, it doesn't mean that the essay is inherently a valuable or helpful exercise. undergrad essays tend to ask for one of a few very formulaic responses and ways of structuring an argument. essays also often have a specific prompt, which can be better or worse in terms of its potential to generate engagement with the course / material. often professors who are getting a lot of chatgpt essays turned in are designing essays poorly (ie, asking for the types of formulaic responses that students find unengaging and unhelpful for their own academic development), and / or failing to provide instruction and support in how to actually write an essay.

on a more fundamental level, we often take for granted that essays are and should be foundational to an undergrad education, but i simply don't think this is self-evident or always true! what are we training students to do, and why? there are certainly jobs, career paths, and academic research areas in which essay-writing is an important skill. there are others in which it's not. the assumption that all undergrads need to demonstrate the same sorts of writing skills says more about the university and what pedagogues value than it does about those students' actual chances for future career success / financial stability. if we're designing assignments that, for many students, are mere hoops to jump through, then we shouldn't be surprised that many of them find ways to make the hoop-jumping faster and easier.

so cheating on that part would essentially mean that: a) their education/understanding is "invalid"

again, what i'm trying to get at here is larger questions about what we value in education, and why. it's true that if you don't practice writing the type of essay the academy demands of you, you won't learn that skill. but, why do we assume that skill is useful, valuable, or necessary in the first place? how many people actually need to write that way outside of undergrad classrooms? even for those who are intending to pursue a career in academia, the writing taught in undergrad should be, at best, a stepping-stone on the path to more effective and interesting means of written communication. once again, if the skill being mandated by the university is not useful for students, it should not be surprising that many of them resent having to demonstrate it, and turn to tools like chatgpt instead.

b) it discredits the work of other people in the same system/their classmates

this is an argument that many educators make, and i wholeheartedly disagree with it! first of all, i simply do not believe that student a's academic performance is relevant to the assessment of student b's. if a professor is grading that way, that's terrible grading and a terrible pedagogical philosophy. if a student has learned something from their coursework, that shouldn't be undercut or devalued by anything that their classmates have or haven't done.

what this type of argument points to on a deeper level is the fact that university degrees have acquired a sort of double meaning. although the university likes to propagate high-minded rhetoric about the intrinsic value of education, the degree granted is a class barrier that serves to allow certain people access to certain (usually promised to be higher-paying) jobs, and bar others from these jobs. this is a large part of what i'm talking about when i say that the university serves to perpetuate and enforce class stratification. and their narrative about degrees being markers of individual merit and achievement is undercut by the fact that they also plainly fear losing prestige status by granting degrees to those students considered 'unworthy'. if you can make it through an undergrad education without learning the skills the university purports to teach, that's a pretty massive indictment of the university—which, remember, is collecting a lot of tuition money for these degrees.

c) their future publications/written work in academia are going to be of worse quality

lots of assumptions baked in here—that undergrad essay-writing teaches 'good' (effective / clear) writing; that many academics don't already write poorly by these metrics; that aspiring academics have no other way of learning written communication skills (eg, outside of the academy, or in grad school).

d) in cases of people going to non academia jobs, like being a doctor or a lawyer, this would negatively impact their clients

firstly, i would again point out that in many non-academic jobs, academic writing is simply not a necessary skill; secondly, in both of the examples you cite here, these are people who need to go through a lot more schooling and training after undergrad, where they pick up what written communication skills they actually do need (eg, legal writing looks nothing like standard undergrad essay-writing anyway); thirdly, MANY people getting an undergraduate degree are intending to pursue jobs for which they need neither undergrad essay-writing skills, nor further higher education—there are so many reasons a person might want / need a college degree, and so many careers in which this specific academic skillset is simply not relevant for them.

e) they have bad work ethic = will not survive job industry

again, i think this is making some pretty big unstated assumptions! in general i don't really think that 'work ethic' (or the related 'laziness') is a useful way to try to evaluate people's behaviour, and this is a good example of one way in which it fails. if, like i said, we are dealing with a system in which people are told they need to receive a degree in order to have access to jobs they want and financial stability they need; and in which many of them are being forced to demonstrate a specific writing skill they may never need again and may have no interest in; and in which they are often not even receiving adequate training and help to learn and demonstrate that skill, even if they do want to; and in which they may be working other jobs, caring for family members, dealing with disabilities the institution does not provide support for, or any number of other life circumstances that make schoolwork difficult at best to complete; and in which a tool exists that may be able to help them complete some of this work freely and quickly... like, i simply do not fault students for using that tool!

there are so many points of failure in this system long before we get to this moment: the increasing pressure to get a college degree in the first place; the poorly designed curricula that prioritise skills considered 'standard' (for whom? why?) over skills that students actually need or want to acquire; professors who don't actually teach students how to write, yet expect them to turn in essay assignments anyway; specific essay assignments that are uninteresting and / or unhelpful to students; lack of support for students who are struggling with their workload or assignments in any number of ways (and no, 'come to office hours' is not adequate support for so many students and situations).

i simply do not care about people 'cheating' a system that is so fundamentally broken and unjust. it doesn't matter. the ability to write an undergrad essay is such an incredibly trivial and specific skill, and one that most people simply do not need. it doesn't make a person generally 'smarter' (fake concept) and certainly does not make them any more competent at the vast majority of jobs, careers, or general life skills. even for those very few who do need to know this specific thing, i reject the assumption that the university is the only way to learn it, or even a particularly effective way. once again, if chatgpt is successfully completing assignments, maybe those assignments weren't very good in the first place! and even the theoretical amazing professor is simply not able to counter all of the structural issues and inequities in the university system that produce students' desire to turn to tools like chatgpt in the first place. the textbot itself is simply not the issue here.

[passthroughtime]

coming to your ask box to tell you that what you said about kuwana being protective of yagami is real and true actually. if kuwana weren't so busy trying to keep himself safe, he'd be doing more to try and keep yagami out of this (though he also desperately wants to be with him more). kuwana knows that yagami can handle a few scratches (and an explosion apparently, lmao) but he would take it very personally if anything ever happened to yagami ....i think. perhaps we're having shared delusions

thank you jichan, you're still the only one ever

yeah. though, he knew if he just went and disappeared without letting yagami know where he's going, it would kinda slow his process of getting into shit and endangering himself, even if for a bit. if kuwana actively and purposely involved him into everything, yagami would be in much more trouble i think. killing him was always an afterthought for RK, but if he'd be involved with kuwana more, well... it just paints a target on his back. and yagami wouldn't try to hide. he has ties to other people, he has something to lose.

so pushing yagami away and out of this all was a bit "two birds with one stone" kind of situation

though he also desperately wants to be with him more

yeah lol, i just realized that when kuwana gives him the pendant so he'd help ehara, he says that yagami is the only one he can trust with it, and like, really? you have lots of accomplices whose actions you can literally control, jeez, man xD

and of course kuwana suspected (or anticipated) that yagami would use this against ehara, so there's that also. but. his motivations are a mess, so we can be a little delusional about this as well i think

and an explosion apparently, lmao

explosion is nothing compared to all injuries yagami suffered in the end of JE, kuwana figured, he can survive a little explosion <3 it'd be good for him <3

but he would take it very personally if anything ever happened to yagami

no no, you're right. i mean, he does beat himself up over sawa, as well as mitsuru. he couldn't not feel responsible if this case would lead to yagami's demise as well. if anything, i can't say that kuwana doesn't care about other people. he even cares about his students even knowing that they despise him (i can't stop thinking about the fact that he agreed to meet with yagami so they'd release mamiya... it's not like he was afraid she'd spill everything, i mean, he tells yagami about a lot of things himself)

or maybe i really want to think that kuwana is a better person than he actually is. idk.

tbh i doubt my characterization of them a lot, hence all these disclaimers lol. and i really want to know other's opinions and why i can be wrong in how i view them? i mean, we are a small community. i can see people disagreeing with me, though in silence. but i want to discuss this, because i strive to see all sides of things, and i think it's fun to take their relationship apart again and again

i re-watch quite, uh. let's say, often the cutscenes featuring the two of them, and sometimes the moments where there's only mentions of them. i've started to write an "analysis" of each scene and their (presumed) reactions to their interactions, because it really does make things clearer in my head. i'm replaying the game rn, trying to see anything beyond my insanity lmao, but it's still just one view on things, you know? i really want to have a discussion and see where i can be wrong. and just... it'd be fun to listen other people talking about my favourite characters.

(is this approach insane? of course! but i'm having fun at the very least, and if i can have fun two years after i've finished LJ for the first time, well, i'll take it.)

when i say that i think about them a lot, i really mean it lol. (that's not my first rodeo, so business as usual for me.) but even if i strive to open-minded, and even if i re-visit canon again and again, it's hard to not be biased about lots of things.

and, yeah, i'm really glad to hear that you agree with me on this hc. but even if you, or anyone else, didn't, i'd want to hear all about it

[typicalopposite]

W.I.P Wednesday

Hello Hello Hello again! And thank you to @hgejfmw-hgejhsf, @onthewaytosomewhere, @adreamareads, and @meraki-yao for the tags <3

I have been chipping away at this Psych fic for a while now and I always struggle swapping between fandoms when writing so I haven't wrote much for RWRB but I still have some written for all the WIPs I have for the fandom!

So to start I'm going to share the very beginning of the psych fic!

The color blue has never meant much to Shawn and yet lately it’s all he seems to be able to think about. Blue skies, blue water, blue(berry) cars — like the one in which he’s sitting while fantasizing about a pair of blue, blue, blue eyes.  Eyes that roll angrily the moment he walks into a room. Eyes that narrow into sharp slits when he – brilliantly, impressively, sexily if he should say so himself – swoops in and solves the cases the department can’t catch a break with. Eyes that always seem to follow him around the room like a magnet unintentionally drawn to its complete polar opposite…  Shawn looks through the windshield just in time to see that Lassie — stopped on the steps of the SBPD police station — is staring at him yet again; Shawn wonders if this recent infatuation he’s been feeling is really mutual.

rwrb below the cut! TW slight mentions of homophobia and racism

going to share another snippet from the first rule of fight club, but going to give a little more backstory to it this time. While Henry and Alex are out for dinner they encounter some very hateful men who frequent the pub they are eating at, and don't like that the owner allows 'anyone' inside. One in particular lashes out on them and Henry tries to stand up for them but only pisses the guy off who follows them out as they leave and ultimately ends up -- after the man starts spewing some slurs towards Alex that strikes a nerve and causes Henry to confront him -- punching Henry (Henry doesn't want repercussions taken on man, but after a few days is furious he wasn't able to fight back as he's never had to thus doesn't really know how to).

So he decides he wants to learn how to fight so if the situation arises again, he can handle it. BAMF protective Henry am I right? And who better for him to turn to than a certain BAMF secret service agent.

This fic is really just a deeper look at a part from Zahra Deserves A Raise where she has to go get them out of jail. So ye! It has been something on my mind for a whileee lol idk why! Anyway here's the snippet!

Henry licks his lips and takes a deep breath. “I need to ask you a major favor,” he says, wringing his hands together nervously and constantly checking around him as if this is some top secret request and people might be listening. Amy waits for him to continue, looking more uneasy by the second. “I– um– I want you to teach me how to fight.”  Amy blinks. “I’m sorry, you– you what?!”  “Teach me… how to fight.”  “Teach you how to… fight?” “Yes.”  Another few blinks, then Amy sets her jaw the way she does when she’s on the clock and in protection mode. “Is this about that dipshit that punched you? Is he bothering you again? I can -- and will -- find his address.” “No!” Henry sighs, looking down at his hands, rubbing a finger over the space his signet ring used to sit. His knuckles are just about healed, as is his brow, but the bruise is still very much there. A sickly green and yellow color now; he imagines what a sight he must be. “Well,” he says after a pause. “I suppose it is about him. He just hasn’t done anything.” “Anything else,” Amy corrects, he hears her tut and looks up to see her scowling. “God if I would have been there that asshole would have been leaving there in a body cast... or a body bag.” Henry can’t help but smile; since the incident it seems everyone has been talking about what they would do if they could get their hands on that man. Amy stares at him again, then that serious stone like — still slightly confused — face slowly breaks into a smile. “Does Alex know you’re here?” “No…” Henry admits, hanging his head. “He doesn’t know I want– he would try to talk me out of it.”

there you have it! hoping I have the Psych fic done by sunday and can get back to all my RWRB fics (without starting new ones first!)

pressure tagging @scripted-downfall and leaving it open for anyone else who wants to join in! :)

[silawastaken]

HELLO, ITS CHRIXYTY FROM AO3!!!! i decided to make a tumblr account just so i can interact with you on here :3 why? because i can. dont question me. i do strange things sometimes. (a lot of the time) but dont we all?

(i was serious when i said i would stop hovering like a ghost and start interacting. you better expect a LOT of comments from me from now on BECAUSE I JUST NEED TO SHOW MY APPRECIATION.)

ANYWAYS CHAPTER 13 🙇‍♀️🙇‍♀️ THANK YOU FOR THIS WONDERFUL PIECE OF ART. THIS WHOLE FIC IS A MASTERPIECE AND I LOVE THE ANGST !!! (ESPECIALLY DAZAI ANGST 🤗)

like im not even joking no fic has ever made my heart pound every second i read it before...like literally nothing could be happening and my heart is pounding at 150 bpm like damn its so good you might give me a heart attack frfr.

chuuyas so dense but i can kinda get his point of view :( UGH the slow burn is just making me anticipate the moment he finds out dazai's his soulmate even more...(betting chuuya will punch dazai out of anger because he realises dazai did all those things to himself...and then he'll feel the pain from the punch and be 100% certain and will start bawling cause idk emotion overload?? i can imagine it but yea im yapping a lot haha)

OH AND HIS FRIENDS FINDING OUT ABOUT ODAS DEATH??? AHH

also it makes me happy when authors refer to the canon universe in their fics somewhere like when dazai called his friends his "little detective agency" like its a small detail but it just makes me happy.

okay im SERIOUSLY yapping way too much but i needed to get all this out somewhere. my bsf is getting sick of me talking so much grrrrr >:(

(permission to one day when this fic is finished print it all out and bind it?? so i can forever keep it as like a memento and pass it down to future generations so they too can appreciate this amazing piece of literature??)

wow i wrote a lot. if only i could write this much for my fic in such a short time during writer's block.

WAITWAITWAITWAIT. I NORMALLY TRY TO ANSWER THESE TOPIC BY TOPIC BUT BINDING. MY. FIC???? HELL YES YOU HAVE PERMISSION WHAT THE HELL??? THAT'S SO COOL??? if i ask very nicely would you make me one too..? I'd pay postage and everything 🙏🙏 i wish i had the patience to bind fics into books but it requires so much time and patience that I don't have 😭

My only thing I would want to say is that I plan on revising some of the earlier chapters where it doesn't quite flow the way the rest of the chapters do, so if I finish it before I've done that (which probably won't happen, but just in case), I would recommend waiting a little!

ANYWAY. making an entire tumblr acc just to interact with me here? ...that's dedication man🫡 I already said it but I appreciate EVERY comment i get so i will be waiting with baited breath after every chapter!!

Glad you're loving the angst tho, I'm having a lot of the time throwing dazai and chuuya into a washing machine full of stones every chapter. great character building.

The reveals are gonna be so fun I can't wait to write them honestly. I'm so excited!!! Still got ages to go tho, so strap in it's gonna be a while.

I ALSO LOOOOVE REFERENCING THE CANON WHILE WRITING. THE NYE FLASHBACK WHERE DAZAI THINKS ABOUT HIS CONVERSATION WHERE THEY WANT TO BE DETECTIVES. OMG. I WAS SO PROUD OF THAT. AND THE 'soulmate detective agency'.

Do not feel bad about writing a lot cause I loved reading this and responding and once again YOU HAVE FULL PERMISSION TO BIND IT ONCE IT'S DONE.

[scoops-aboy86]

✨WIPS PLS!!!✨ 3! (i lov halloween), 4! (bc first was yUM), 8 (👀)

and some of my tru love baby girl ravening pls pls pls

(no pressure - like it said just ideas is fun!! or snippets if ur feeling generous ;3c )

(WIP ask game)

You got it! Heh, all of these are chubby Steve.

The Halloween one is fun. It's an anon ask that I'm working on a half conversational response, half fic for because I know it'd get away from me in a big way if I tried to write it now, but basically the Party pranks Steve with fake food (my addition) so Steve and Eddie prank them back by Eddie distracting them while Steve is going to pretend to eat all their candy (although there's backup candy to give them instead, because he could never do that for real… to El, anyway). Except this plan was both conceived and executed while a little stoned, so Steve gets the munchies and ACTUALLY eats all six bags of trick or treating haul. 😜 … Okay I might write some of the candy eating and the aftermath once I'm done spitballing a backstory, we shall see.

For all about that bounce, here's an excerpt:

Steve hasn’t seen Eddie Munson in seventeen days. Not since the quarry, where Eddie fed him and got him off in his car, then stayed to rub his belly through the ensuing stomachache and listened to Steve’s worries about his parents.  “Well, speaking as someone who lives with his uncle,” Eddie had said with a wry but understanding smile, “they’re gonna react however they’re gonna react, man. Not a lot you can do about that other than brace for impact and figure out what you want to do next once all the cards are on the table.��� “I’m planning on—hic—moving out to live with my best friend,” Steve had mumbled, too sated to be embarrassed about his case of the hiccups or the occasional burp. “Got—urp. Gotta save up a little more to keep eating like this, though.” That had earned him a grin and a gentle wobble of his tight belly. “No ‘if’ in that statement, I like it. You’re a man of action, Steve Harrington, seeing what you want and going for it. Don’t ever let them pressure that out of you.” It had been the most seen and listened to Steve had ever felt in his life—apart from with Robin of course, but that was different.

That's kind of just a recap, the next lil bit is Steve procrastinating on calling Eddie with an entire package of Oreos because he got it out of the phone book and what if Eddie doesn't WANT him to call. (Spoiler alert: he does.)

Ravening is kicking my ass!! I pick at it in little bits and starts, idk. I've gotten as far as, Steve is getting used to the vivid violence of the dreams, and if sometimes he thinks he caught a glimpse of Eddie's tattoos he Does Not Think About It. I gotta get him back to his government provided shrink at some point so he can pointedly quit going again when the guy starts harping on his weight gain, because even on the nights Steve doesn't have one of those nightmares and wakes up so hungry he raids the fridge, he doesn't sleep well. The only way to guarantee a restful night is to eat up and the shrink, Steve tells himself, just doesn't GET that. Maybe driving home from that appointment (and neglecting to schedule another one) is the first time it happens during the day, it's around lunch time so Steve stops for food, maybe he gets it all to go or he eats there and gets takeout for dinner because he doesn't feel like cooking, maybe he also stops by the store for some basic staples, but then autopilots home and… without really knowing when or why it happened, he realizes he's pulled over to the side of the road not all that far from his house surrounded by empty containers and wrappers, his face and hands messy and his stomach packed so tight that all he wants to do is lie back and groan. Or… almost all he wants to do, but he licks his hands clean and drives the rest of the way home and pulls into the garage before getting his pants open and desperately jerking off, the hint of a growl on just the edge of his consciousness and feeling watched the whole time. But not in a creepy or unsettling way, somehow—he wants more.

Another random ravening thought: maybe Eddie can't break through from the Upside Down until Steve bleeds for some reason. Maybe something as simple as nicking himself while shaving, or should I go for something more dramatic? Idk.

[gendrie]

do u think the faceless men are going to let arya leave willingly or is she gonna rebel? these days i lean towards the former bc tkm stops her from eating the worm and i believe they have some plan for her. i also just dont see how arya gets away from them with no repercussions. theyre an ancient order with some stake in the endgame… idk thoughts?

i got lots of thoughts and no answer. the very nature of the faceless men and their identities - or lack therefore of - makes them difficult to predict. unlike your typical asoiaf character they don’t have individual human desires. they’re a religious collective serving the many faced god - death.

theres a few key points that i see as main factors with how arya leaving the faceless men, though.

SLAVERY:

the entire setting for this portion of arya’s arc is founded on a strong anti slavery sentiment. the words are carved in stone: “no man, woman, or child in Braavos should ever be a slave, a thrall, or a bondsman.” arya hasn’t actually made an official commitment yet either and if they will try and keep her against her will that would be slavery.

"Arya." She whispered the word the first time. The second time she threw it at him. "I am Arya, of House Stark." "You are," he said, "but the House of Black and White is no place for Arya, of House Stark." (Arya, AFFC)

"Before you drink from the cold cup, you must offer up all you are to Him of Many Faces. Your body. Your soul. Yourself. If you cannot bring yourself to do that, you must leave this place." "The iron coin—" "—has paid your passage here. From this point you must pay your own way, and the cost is dear." (Arya, AFFC)

"You lie," he said, "but you may keep your secrets if you wish, Arya of House Stark." He only called her that when she displeased him. "You know that you may leave this place. You are not one of us, not yet. You may go home anytime you wish." (Arya, AFFC)

I have a hole where my heart should be, she thought, and nowhere else to go. "I'm strong. As strong as you. I'm hard." "You believe this is the only place for you." It was as if he'd heard her thoughts. "You are wrong in that.“ (Arya, AFFC)

"Do they frighten you, child?" asked the kindly man. "It is not too late for you to leave us. Is this truly what you want?" Arya bit her lip. She did not know what she wanted. If I leave, where will I go? (Arya, ADWD)

it’s difficult for me to accept his words at face value but the man has been nothing if not consistent from the get-go. i always got the vibe that the kindly man was manipulating arya into staying by telling her she’s soft/weak so she will want to prove herself hard/strong? and that might be the case but he puts a specific condition on the entire thing with the cold cup. if she cant do that then she must leave. he makes it sound simple. too simple, perhaps.

AGENDA:

for me this less about the faceless men’s overall political agenda bc i think we can see, at least, the outline for that. their interests align with the iron bank's so they’re, currently, working against the iron throne. plus, they have an operative in the citadel so they’re likely taking preemptive measures against the dragons. thats where we get into the more mysterious/magical element. i do believe they caused the doom. was it because the valyrian empire of slavery and fire had become too strong? now it looks like the balance is tipping in favor of this great ice power which is enslaving people. the FM's black and white symbol implies balance. do they have a stake in that fight? some magical conflict on the other side of the narrow sea?

it seems like they might. as soon as arya walked up to the doors of the house and black and white she thought “heart tree” and the place even smells like winterfell to her with a dark pool in the center. from the very beginning grrm started drawing connections between the two. the imagery with thousands of dead faces is reminiscent of the weirwoods and the consciousness that remains within them just like the masks! its all skinchanging too. the similarities here between arya and bran’s training arcs make me feel crazed bc i just cant shake the suspicion that theyre connected somehow. 

but wtf do the faceless men want with arya? what does the god of death (the great other???) want with her? big picture? to stay? to leave? honestly, idk. at this point im not sure we can know. its a guessing game. 

PAYMENT:

arya will find her way out. she's outmaneuvered the faceless men before. she tricked jaqen. she got the upper hand on the KM. she will have to exploit their owns rules to make her escape.

what it comes down to is the cost. its the same price arya had to pay when she escaped the red keep (stableboy), harrenhal (bolton guard), and even westeros (the tickler and squire). arya will have to kill someone to reclaim her identity and leave that place. no doubt in my mind on that point tbh. i think she will be permitted to go with no repercussions (ie: she won’t be hunted like she has in the past), but that will be a cost and only death may pay for life. 

[zhongrin]

*madly giggles reading horny thoughts at 12pm*

Now, now. Let me share the few I have written… idk if this will ever see the light of day otherwise (I mean where… how would I even post it, it's just me and my horny hormones… and I'm glad I can drag you into this >:D /bonked)

You know how Alhaitham isn’t exactly the most expressive man? But he tries. He tries so hard for you. It hasn’t been an easy road, but once you’re in his heart, he would spoil you every day if he could.

Now. You’ve moved into his house for a few months now, and there are a few things he has noticed about your behavior leading up to your period.

Filth incoming!

You’ve always been rather clingy when you’re alone with him, but he notices that you’d cling onto him even more than usual around one week before your period comes.

He may act aloof, but he actually likes it when you press your body—especially your breasts—against his arms or back. His claims of not liking physical touch really don’t apply to you.

You’d also request more frequent rough fucking. He doesn’t mind, not at all. If anything, he seems a tad bit overeager.

Once, he decided he’d tease you by barely touching you while (awkwardly) dirty talking. He’s amazed at how wet you get from his fumbling words.

He later (correctly) concluded that the closer you are to your period, the more intense your voice kink gets. Just his groans beside your ear and his breathing on your neck can flip your switch.

He tries to be more verbally expressive in bed after arriving at that conclusion, and boy, hoooo boy, once he got the hang of dirty talking, you can’t help but just spread your legs for him every time he calls you (pet) names, inviting him to pleasure himself using your body however he wants.

Yep, he asked for reference books to further improve his dirty talk. You shyly gave him your list of favorite adult short stories. He gobbled them all up over a Saturday and indulged in your fantasies the whole Sunday morning. (Kaveh gave up banging on the door in protest. He spent that day lounging at Puspa Café.)

One of said fantasies includes you getting tied onto the bed with vines from his Vision wrapping tightly around your forearms, a silk blindfold, and his tongue inside your mouth. His hands grip your hips to keep you in place beneath him, your legs spread wide as he slightly lifts your ass up so you can’t buck into his thrusts. You’re just a helpless toy for him to use as his cumdump, both sweet praises and degrading names whispered against your bruised lips. Needless to say, you needed to wear long sleeves for a few days after that.

His aftercare though. ;w; He’s practically at your beck and call after every intense, hours-long session. Water? No worries, there’s always a pitcher ready in your room, “just in case,” he said. Lots of cases had happened. Food? He’d make it himself if he could. But your favorite is just lying on his chest, listening to his breathing and sleepy rambles, one of his arms pulling your sweaty body against his while his free hand caresses your skin.

Uh-huh. Yep. Period hormones, encouraged by Azeru content. Tysm--

i was debating whether i should answer this privately but wtf bestie you need to share these thots with the world they're so good slhdfklsjdlkfjlksdjlkf oh m y g od

"His claims of not liking physical touch really don’t apply to you."

me, whose (giving) love language is physical touch: THANK ARCHONS

dear lord this hits home so hard... his voice (and zhongli's) does things™️ to me... idk what is it about voices... why do i have a voice kink this is unfair

al haitham with his vision... makes me think of zhongli with his vision ueuhuejdheudjeh stone shackles... little geo egg vibrators... archons risu look what you've done to me i'm brainrotting unholy thoughts now help-

his aftercare... oohhhh him and zhongli. kings of aftercare really. i imagine zhongli in particular loves pillow talk. asks you about whether you're satisfied and if you're okay. tells you how good you were being and how much he enjoyed the session. lots of praises and kisses and all the while being smothered within his arms...

random sidetrack i found this one guy who also does n.sfw asmr recently (not genshin related tho, and his style is different from azeru who is basically jp r18 drama cd-esque) and his voice.... ohhh my goddd the rumbles. the deep rumbles. and he does... quite a few... dark content.... and his dirty talking and the way he coos over the listener is really... hsdlfkjsdf listen to it if you have time: soft sample // spicy sample

[queenofbaws]

Hi!! I hope you are feeling better Queenie!! For the writers ask may I ask numbers 7,8,17 and 39? Thank you!!

ahhh, thank you!!! 🥰 i'm hangin' in there, haha! i hope you don't mind i shifted the order of these juuust a little, for reasons that will probably be obvious, hehe.

weird writing asks for weird writers!

7. What is your deepest joy about writing?

honestly, for all i complain about it when the words aren't coming out right (or, more often, fast enough for my liking, lmfao), my deepest joy about writing is.........most of it, actually. for me, writing is like......a puzzle. you have to put the right words together, the right sentences together, the right ideas and concepts and images together, and if you can do that, you can make something gorgeous, or terrifying, or hilarious, or tearjerking, or any combination therein!

i love getting to sit down to a project and think "huh, how am i going to tackle this one?" and i love imagining how people will respond to it, and i love lying in bed at night or standing in the shower and suddenly screaming because something makes sense where it didn't before!!! writing is just my happy place, and whenever you guys see me bemoaning it, i hope you know it's (mostly) me being a dramatic clown ;P

39. What keeps you writing when you feel like giving up?

god, time for cliché hour again, but...you guys 🥹 hahaha, seriously, whenever i get super stuck on a project or i just start hating my own writing - something that happens more often than i'd like to admit, lmao - knowing that out there, there are people who have taken time out of their day to sit down and read the words i put down just...idk man, it does something to the ol' heart. whenever i start feeling really down on myself, i pop over to ao3 and poke through my saved inbox messages, and without fail, that always puts a little fire back under my butt ;)

8. If you had to write an entire story without either action or dialogue, which would you choose and how would it go?

oh, without action, no question. dialogue is my JAM, and while i'm sure it'd be hard to get around my impulse to always have people shrugging and smirking, shrugging and smirking, that's all anyone ever does, shrug and smirk, i think i could PROBABLY make something work...lights get knocked out and it's two characters trying to escape a room in the dark? laura and max stuck in their itty bitty cells trying to scheme their way out? a long-distance phone call being spied on by a third party??? oh the possibilities are endless, and, i'm sure, full of ellipses!

17. Talk to me about the minutiae of your current WIP. Tell me about the lore, the history, the detail, the things that won’t make it in the text.

i'm lying down on the ground right now you don't even know. ooooooooooooh if you want some additional info about like wringing blood from a stone (i'm gonna be trying real hard not to spoil anything), it's under the cut akldsjfaklsdjf

so. as is the case with every longfic i endeavor upon, i've. i've gotten in too deep with my personal headcanons for the hackett fam lmfao. some of this is going to end up in the fic itself, some of it won't, but god. help me. i didn't intend to go THIS deep into the summer camp family aklsdjfklasjdkfjdf

i keep telling myself that one of these days i'm going to try and sit down to make a big, nice edit of the whole family, but then i chicken out and don't do it, but playing off the character intro cards/descriptions from the quarry, here are the descriptors i've personally been using for the whole racket:

KAYLEE: Athletic, considerate, lonely, defiant CALEB: Brooding, responsible, sensitive, creative BOBBY: Absent-minded, impulsive, obedient, excitable CHRIS: Charismatic, people-pleasing, emotional, paternal TRAVIS: High-strung, suspicious, insecure, defensive JACK: Superstitious, reclusive, sentimental, cunning CONSTANCE: Assertive, capable, obstinate, manipulative JEDEDIAH: Old-fashioned, stern, proud, aloof

they make such a pretty (and well-adjusted) picture when they're all together like that, huh? ;P

when i do character studies like this, usually i end up falling into rabbit hole after rabbit hole of backstories, and this is...this is absolutely no different - i don't think i'll ever sit down and write the whole thing out, but i do, for example, have the story of jed and constance's whole deal figured out in my head. i'm going to touch on it SO briefly in the fic itself, but god it's. it's all there. i have rough backgrounds for jed's siblings (that we don't see in the hackett family tree in-game, no, but boy howdy i have reasons for THAT too asdklfjlsdf), i just sort of.............as with any family, there's a whole story that obviously comes BEFORE the story we're seeing right now, the story that explains how everyone got to be The Way They Are, but there aren't werewolves in that one, it's just like. bad parenting. and child negligence. and alcohol. so it's staying in my brainbox where it belongs, but rest assured IT EXISTS.

i cannot for the life of me think of a way to present any of this clearly and in an organized manner, so...here are just some pieces-parts about the worldstate the fic takes place in, which may appear in the story itself aaaaaaand which might not!

the events of until dawn are canon - except, of course, jack and josh dying, lmao

the events of house of ashes are canon - sole survivor jason

the events of the devil in me are/will be canon - the shoeshine killer is a known entity

the fiddlers' visits to hackett's quarry always took place in the early spring/late fall and usually coincided with, let's say, parties going missing in the general area of the pines

...except the one time they visited at the height of summer in 1993 ;)c

amelia hackett (aka that grant girl) died from complications giving birth to kaylee

all twelve of the harbinger motel's guest rooms are color-coded according to the series of totems jack has placed inside for "protection:" fortune - white, guidance - yellow, loss - brown, danger - red; there's only one "death" or "black" room, and it's jack's personal quarters in back of the check-in area

none of the hunting trophies hanging in the harbinger are actual hunting trophies...except the jackalope. all the other skulls are wood carvings jack has made himself, finished to look like bone

growing up, chris only ever worked at the camp and bobby only ever worked at the scrapyard, but travis bounced around, working at the warrens' farm and the one (1) video rental place north kill had before winding up with the police, meaning, ironically, he's the sibling who worked the least for the family

all three hackett brothers played football in high school - to varying degrees of success

as used to be common, there is a family burial plot out in hackett woods somewhere, where many - but not all - of jed's relatives have been laid to rest

...kaylee and caleb still have not found it, but they TRY

jed says none of them will find it until it's time to bury him back there

travis has explained at least 47 times in the past two years that people don't get buried in their backyards anymore, that's not how it works, dad

jed insists that's exactly how it works, so help him god

bobby is so fucking good at shadow puppets. he's just. he's really, really fucking good at shadow puppets you guys

at the risk of continuing to ramble for five business days, i'll leave it there for now but aklsdjfldsjaf thank you for giving me the opportunity to barf behind the scenes stuff out onto a page XD

[cheemken]

Where do each of the champions go after Diantha disappears? Do they go to their leagues and discuss what happened? And how to protect their regions if Diantha ever comes there. Or do they just hide from the public

But what about the champions on Diantha side? I imagine if they ever go back to their leagues then they’re gonna threaten the gym leaders and elite fours. That if they don’t stay on their side than they’d face a worse consequence than death. Or maybe they don’t want to go to hard so they threatened to have their lives ruined if they betray them

But like uygnhh Lance, Iris, and Hau have family in their leagues. I don’t think Clair, Drayden, or Hala would take well to being threatened, so they’ll try argue back or reason with their champions only for them to let out one of their Pokémon who quickly attacks, not enough to kill but it definitely injured them well. Seeing their champion attack family would definitely show the rest of the league that they aren’t joking around

One more thing I wanted to ask, do you think the leagues, or at least the family members, would realize or suspect that Geeta/Lance/Iris/Hau is being manipulated and/or brainwashed by Diantha? Like they know that a strong enough Gardevoir can manipulate emotions? Or do they just think that this is a side of their champions that they’ve never seen

The champions did head back to their own respective region, Leon especially became so paranoid he discussed matters abt it w his own League. But I also wanna say that even his Gym Leaders start to low-key question him, not really saying it to his face y'know just being quiet when he talks, bc ofc, Dia was right, Rose did threaten them. Raihan got threatened the most, and Nessa knows how much Rose threatened Sonia to the point she gave up on the gym challenge in fear of being killed. I want Bea to be protective of Allister too, Leon would ask where the Ghost Gym Leader is, and Bea would just tell him he's at home, he may be Gym Leader, but he's still a child. Leon insists that next time Allister joins their meeting, he doesn't care if he's a child, he's a Gym Leader, it's still his responsibility.

Idk if the others would be that paranoid, I wanna say that maybe Steven kinda is, but he believes Wallace so much when he says that there's smth in Diantha that can still be saved, and Steven isn't one for giving up on his friends, especially since that friend also helped him out at one point and gave him Metagross' mega stone. But the two did became a bit more cautious, in case that uproar would encourage more fights and an actual war

Idt they'd stay out of the public, especially now since there are actually people on Diantha's side of the argument, justifying her actions too. I wanna say that the champions who were loyal to her were helping them justify those actions too, and told them that Diantha could still be saved, that maybe they should also help each other out on purging all the evil of their world

And just cbdmnd man idk I really don't think Hau would attack, neither would Iris, since the entirety of the Unova League is kinda like her family. Geeta I believe would just threaten, but y'know she does care abt her league, and her voice is too weak and too tired to be considered as an actual threat. Lance tho? Lance will kill. Like this mfer had his Dragonite Hyper Beam someone, and he will do it again, no matter who's at the receiving end.

Can you imagine the parallels between Lance/Clair and Diantha/Augustine tho😭

Lance is there glaring at Clair, his Dragonite right beside him, and Clair glares back, her own Kingdra preparing to battle.

"This is my last warning, Clair."

"So, it's okay for you to hurt others and none of us can ever question it?"

"Quiet."

"You told me you weren't like the elders, Lance."

"I'm not."

"Hah! Right, you're so much worse."

God that low-key fucks me up hahaha

But y'know, idt Lance would attack Clair, more like get pissed at her more and threaten her to retire her of her E4 duties (since Clair is one of Lance's E4 in my hcs, and Silver's the one in charge of Blackthorn's Gym) and he'd take her pokemon away. But Clair thinks that's all a bluff, and just left to head back to Blackthorn. The other members of the league do follow Lance, Clair just kept quiet now, if Lance won't listen to her then so be it, whatever happens will happen, and she's just gonna accept and watch that shit show go down. Will she join a side? Perhaps, maybe Diantha would convince her to join Lance, or maybe... Clair would see that Lance is right, and Diantha's cause was right too, that it really would be better to rid the world of all things evil. It would be nice, recreating a world, reliving her life, but this time around no one would be there to tell her everyday just how much of a disappointment she is

As for the family members,,, Drayden and Hala did think abt the kids being controlled by Diantha, Hala believes it. Hala believes that it's bc of Diantha Hau is acting strange, the boy would always say how he'd like to be in Kalos w her. Hala's not sure why, but even back then he didn't trust Diantha that much, or maybe that was his own envy over the fact that she could somehow make Hau happy, more than he ever could. Drayden doubts it a bit bc he had met Diantha before, and the Kalos Champion was so nice and kind and so caring to Iris. And even from the stories Iris tells him, she could ask for anything she ever wanted, and Dia would be happy to give it to her, Diantha even gave her a Goomy egg, since she knows how much Iris loves Dragons. So for Drayden it was,,, something,,, he does think maybe Diantha's just controlling the kids, but he also thinks that Gardevoir's or maybe even Yveltal's influence made Diantha like that

Geeta's league fully fucking believes Diantha controls her. They already know just how loyal Geeta is to Diantha, she wouldn't even question her no matter what, and that's one of the downsides of their own Champion. And maybe they think it's their fault too, Diantha showed Geeta kindness when they were still young, until now, accepted her despite how eccentric she was, despite the fact Geeta can't feel anything that much, and maybe if the Paldea League did just that too, maybe Geeta wouldn't have been easily manipulated.

Lance tho? His own League knows how hard he can get, he's always driven by his own beliefs and conviction, they don't think it's Diantha's influence, rather they believe that Lance finally snapped or maybe he thinks this is a mission he should finish, and Arceus above knows how fucked up he can get just to finish a mission he had set for himself. That fight w Rocket was actually really bloody, the news just won't tell you that. Some do believe Diantha had some sort of influence on him, but that was overridden considering that Lance was already brutal when it comes to criminals or just anyone who goes against him, even before he met Diantha.

[gliyerabaa]

what are some hot takes about the show not regarding casting? loved that post, but i was wondering more about the plot and fandom opinions etc!

ohhhhh ok I get what you're asking. Idk if I have any "hot takes" about the plot. The plot, tbh, is what it is. Are there things from the musical that I wish were different? Yes!! Do I consider them to be "hot takes?" No, not really??? I'm really looking too hard into what constitutes a hot take. idk.

I suppose I could address some of the popular (ha!) fandom ideals that get talked about a lot.

shipping. we are lucky to be in a fandom where (generally) people aren't too uppity about ships. I used to be so one-track dead set on gelphie but my ways have changed. in case you couldn't tell by my username, I am a firm believer that gliyeraba could/should be canon. it's not as much of a hot take as it used to be, but like. Elphaba has two hands, and let's be real she needs all the love she can get.

my god, people used to make SUCH a big deal out of who tops in gelphie. I used to have such a strong opinion on it (Glinda tops ofc) but like the more I write gelphie the less strong I feel about that opinion. Like, most of the time it still tracks, at least in my writing, but honestly I've seen it go either way and it's always well written. So yeah, I have an opinion on the matter, no its not necessarily a "hot take" but also I don't feel incredibly strongly about it.

Sexuality/gender headcanons (in the musical):

Elphaba- bi/pan, nonbinary

Glinda- lesbian, asexual spectrum

Fiyero- bi/pan, genderqueer(?)

^ here's the thing though, this is just what I think!! Is it a "hot take"? No, not really. It's just ideas that I like. And like, what I think depends on circumstances too! I've written Elphaba as a cis woman before, I've written Glinda as bisexual before, I've toyed around with the idea of Fiyero being a trans man. I have my headcanons but even those aren't set in stone

idk I guess what we've learned today is that the older I get, the less I care about how popular my opinions are. I'm just kinda here for a good time. Like, if you asked me four years ago about my opinions on the stuff I just talked about, I'd have been willing to throw punches (not literally) over this stuff. But now I'm just here for fun. Not tryna sound preachy or anything, this is just where I'm at now

[bug-crimes]

Rating Hermitcraft intros based on my synesthesia

aka it's 2am and I'm in hell, this is only gonna include the hermits that have actual Consistent Intros to their hermitcraft videos and also has absolutely nothing to do with how much I actually like their videos or even their voice!! there isn't a single hermit whose voice I don't enjoy in some form but I have opinions about their intros apparently so here we go,

(also I specifically have sound-texture synesthesia, sounds will have different textures associated with them, which aren't always.. real textures? in which case I might get a little abstract with feelings idk I apologize in advance)

cub: solid like. 5/10? smack in the middle pretty much, like super smooth paper, the kind that pen doesn't dry well on

doc: 9/10 his intro is. ough. if you included the goat tapes in his rating?? infinity/10 but this is just about his voice s o. his intro is like. being able to pick up a piece of storm cloud and squeeze it... a lil spark, a lot of rumbling fluff, very very nice to feel

etho: 7/10? I love listening to his voice in General but his intro doesn't have the Best Feelings of his voice, it's like. something almost crunchy that crumbles when you squeeze it

false: 8/10!! it is So Nice!!! a lil bouncy bouncy in your chest kinda like driving on a hilly road!! makes me happy

gem: solid like. 4.5/10?? feels like Too Much Grass. no I don't know what the fuck that means please don't ask (I love her voice in general tho this is purely just the intro sjjfjd)

scar: one that rly surprises me bc I love watching him but scars intro is only like. a 2/10 at best?? esp the hermits and crafting part feels a little like rubbing styrofoam together but it's Fine it's worth it for scar content beloved

grian: 5/10, middle of the road like cub! kinda like a freshly baked sheet of cake c:

hypno: 4/10? it's like. accidentally putting too much honey on crunchy bread in a way that's good when u want honey but not as fun when u don't

jevin: 8/10!!!! love!!!! it's like. you know those gifs of people jiggling gelatin shaped like animals. it's like those, esp if they're shiny

impulse: 6/10, I do enjoy but it is Pretty Average djjfd he's just!! sorta like an old blanket that is pretty worn but feels so familiar and nice anyways, it's Good

iskall: hrmgh. this is a weird one bc objectively I love his intro. but synesthesia disagrees and says it's a 3/10 at Best, like wet carrot peels?? I don't even know man I'm upset at myself for that one

joe: 8/10! it's like house siding! somehow this is a good thing!

keralis: yes/10 he just has a Good Voice it's So Good it's like rabbit fur

pearl: 10/10 brain happy moments,,, it's just smooth water!! like river water I think where it doesn't quite feel Real but it pulls a little and is just the right amount of cool

ren: 6.5/10? it's very fun skfjd he's like what I imagine it would feel like to smash a tiny round lightbulb mixed with bouncy ball vibes

stress: 7/10! first thought was like the handle of a pestle but honestly just any vaguely smooth Holdable Thing would probably work too, big emphasis on Holdable her intro is holdable

tfc: 7.5/10!! it's like. the stone of a firepit still warm from a fire,,, just really good vibes

beef: 9/10!!!! his intro is like a merengue it's so Light and Melts <3

wels: 10/10 makes me wanna cry happy tears sometimes it just hits So Good it's like when u get that itch u couldn't scratch

xb: 9999/10 literally I could just listen to his intro on repeat for hours it's s o good I just want to bury my hands in it

xisuma: 6/10 just full of scrungle. like a floppy ferret. or a frisbee??

zedaph: solid 8/10! a little bit like trying to hold fireworks, it always makes me happy :D

cleo: 9/10! I love the way she says hermitcraft it's just Smooth and Concave and feels like you can slide down her words it's v v good,,

[sincelastsession]

I've missed telling you things. But I'm stoned and I honestly don't want to remember.

How are lobotomies these days? Can they sever instead of do a nerve block to my lizard brain that keeps screaming DANGER DANGER DANGER? Is this an option? Do I need that part of my brain?

Travis is getting his drummer friend to find me noise canceling 🎧

They asked how quiet I needed it to be.

I told Travis "I don't want to hear a bomb go off" "Deafen me bröther"

So maybe that will help.

My mom wants to go to lunch tomorrow and look at garden homes. 🙃 I am scared I'll lose my shit because she presses my buttons like only a mother can. Just huge trigger if she's not calm and patient with me. She just had a huge fight with me about how she didn't want Mexican food because the Guatemalan ppl can't cook...and was acting like a racist petulant child.

I convinced her to go to spoke and hub. Then she will have a new restaurant to hate on I guess.

I wish the chill part of me would take over tomorrow but I feel like it's gonna be the take no shit manager and firefighters. I don't want that to happen but it's like so second nature to react to crap.

Yeah a nerve block sounds FANTASTIC

Honestly I'm constantly taking a leftover Adderall for a future session so you can see the difference and God maybe we can write a letter to the medical board and maybe my psychiatrist can just continue to write it. I only take 5mg max a day split up into 2.5mg doses...so I really don't see how taking that during the day with my xanax daily meds that oddly don't conflict and then just smoke my weed before bed.

But the problem is its 3 substances that are usually never prescribed together. They just happen to be the best combo for me and I'm a different person on it. I can hold a conversation.

Maybe the medical board would approve it if I could state my case and show them the difference?

Idk I just miss when I was a more functional person.

I have agoraphobia so bad some days I literally cry by my door because I can't leave.

But other days I want to go wandering around by myself in the woods.

I feel like a guy sometimes like that's weird because I do identify as female but yeah get moments of feeling like a man...I feel like I could maybe draw what the parts of me look like in minds eye.

Sometimes I feel like a small Asian woman like on kdramas and that's also odd.

Sometimes my little side pops out when I see cute things.

Sometimes a gruff dad.

Sometimes me at 16

And I'm sure there's more.

But idk if I'm me or if I'm somewhere else hidden

I say little me I don't mean inner child

My inner child doesn't feel there.

Honestly Joshua if I could afford it I'd see an emdr therapist in Lafayette and I'd make the weekly drive. I'd also see if hypnosis therapist would work. I would build an army to help me.

You aren't doing a bad job. I however haven't seen anything in my email you said you'd send and I'm not happy abt it but I'm sure since you are human you got busy

I do wish they had a manual for neurodivergent ppl and autistic ppl that translated what neurotypical ppl mean and tips and tricks on how to communicate with them.

They always think I'm fighting with em.

I hate one people call me negative. I mean I'm sorry I've been dealing with trauma since I was 2 years old so it's very hard for me to see the positives and it's not for lack of trying.

If I'd given up on getting better I'd have quit therapy years ago.

I feel like I could easily get a social work degree but it's not something I want to do as a profession. I mean do some LCSW just take like easier cases with big idiots that just need to be told to go ground and touch grass? (Joke) but no I mean I assume there's some easier clients is all.

I really don't find Myself to be a negative person I Find Myself to be a realist and I also Find Myself to be sort of a cynic and an absurdist. I do like philosophy but I do not like it enough to study it as much as other people get into it I do go down rabbit holes

I mean not only is my interest that is special and medical but I do like lots of other things it's just been had to be primarily focused in medical so I didn't get missed diagnosed and almost fucking die again because nobody likes that

It's aggravating to be your own advocate in the medical world Like it's really a big pain in the ass to fight doctors and nurses and people that do not know what they are talking about and I do not ever mean to sound egotistical but a lot of people mistake me talking like this for that

Like currently my rheumatologist is seeing a friend of mine that has a disorder that is very similar to what I had growing up and the woman is having a reaction to the method track state and I keep telling her to call our rheumatologist and go to the ER but the woman says that our rheumatologist said that's normal and I know damn well it's not normal and she's gonna end up in the ER somewhere or another and it makes me feel like an old retired charge nurse even though I'm not even old enough to be one of those sassy old charge nurses.

The funny thing is my mother is a charge nurse but she doesn't exactly act like one because she also has to make drama and play the victim.

I mean I really can't believe that she's trying to get my sister hooked up with medical marijuana right now

My sister already relies on street Marijuana that could possibly be laced and smokes it constantly all day every day

I mean honestly I sound like a giant hypocrite because I'm stoned right now but I don't smoke as much as her I used to smoke as much as her if not more and I got to a point where I could not get stoned anymore and I decided to quit until I had pain issues again and so now I'm having to legally medicate and that's pretty weird feeling when a couple of years ago you could have gotten arrested and it's weird having to convert the Scared emotions about taking my medicine into positive emotions about taking my medicine because I still get nervous when I'm about to smoke like I'm about to get caught.

I suppose you can say it similar to the feeling of walking out of a store and feeling like they're gonna stop you for shop lifting even though you didn't do anything

I have very intrusive thoughts like that all the time and I assume it's part of my o CD but it's really annoying and usually when I take my Adderall it goes away completely but I can't take it and it's pointless to take it because I only have a few left in the fucking bottle and the medical board won't allow me to have that prescribed and it's stupid bullshit and politics and the health care system for mental health is completely fucked and I've known this since I was a child And I don't even know if there's a way to fix it anymore honestly because they have screwed it so bad

I really wish that I could have made my goal make my brain better and then make me an independent and knowledgeable enough to live on my own without the help of others without my parents finances and So that I might travel or move elsewhere because I get so stir crazy but I've been stuck inside and helicopter and micro managed and harassed and terrorized and fucking abused for so long that it's scary to go places because I feel like I'm going to get in trouble for everything I do

I feel like I'm going to get in trouble if I breathe too loud

I mean I'm sure I could give you more examples because like sometimes I really do think that something takes me over and talks for me because I don't understand how else I would even function enough to communicate with other people with the insane amount of shit that has happened to me. I mean I still have things in my memory bank that are foggy and behind. closed doors. It sucks that I keep remembering things because it's the time where my brain feels safest to finally be able to understand what happened to me and stuff because I know it protected me a lot as a child and it's really weird that I just have all negative memories and only little glimmers of good things I really don't remember a lot of the good things my parents said that they did for me I don't remember a lot of experiences I've been told that I've had that were good. And you know that a lot of people have blamed on medications that I take but I have never had any memory issues due to this particular medication that I'm on that I have been on for a long time it has not really changed anything in that regard. The other ones however did fuck with my head like that.

There is something terribly wrong with my father mentally and I really would love to get him help but I don't know how to do that without it affecting my life in a major way and I don't know if I could handle another major life change without absolutely losing my shit

[satans-left-asscheeky]

Companions react to a random sexy times scene in a movie

Okay so in my head sole manages to get a TV to work and puts on a movie for them and their platonic/crushing companion, and about half way in there's a totally unexpected scene....

Maccready

*Chokes on drink* "Oh come on! I didn't need to see that..." que a very blushy and embarrassed merc.

Is very uncomfy. If he wanted to see adult content he'd go search for adult content some time when sole wasn't around.... he doesn't get why it's in the movie.... it's adding nothing to the damn plot

Idk about yall guys, but when I was younger and an "adult" scene would unexpectedly come on my parents would scrable for the remote inevitably drawing more attention and I could totally see Mac doing that.

Hancock

"Oh guess he's not a fan of foreplay.... Oh come on thats not how it's done. That poor lady can do so much better. Jeez sex ed apparently is a foreign concept to this sorry excuse for a lover...."

Judging the whole scene.... He wishes he could jump through the damn screen and give some pointers. By the time the scene is over sole is dying of laughter, and Hancock is disappointed in the underachieving boyfriend.

Cait

"What type of film are we watchin again? either way I'm not complaining..."

She'd be dramatically waggling her eyebrows. She doesn't really give a shit if it's in there. if anything it just causes her to focus on the movie more intently....

Danse

O.O "I- oh... um..."

The Paladin forgot how to form words temporarily and his face is redder than a tato. He's uncomfy and embarrassed to say the least.... Much like maccready he doesn't understand what this is adding to the plot...

Curie

"Oh what is going on-... Oh! Is this erm... normal to be on the television?"

Would cover her eyes. When asked why she'd say calmly "to give them some privacy". Sole of course finds that hilarious and starts laughing, which in turn makes Curie think the scene is over and something else is happening and when she uncovers her eyes and is greeted with the same image and she makes a sound in-between a screech and a squak making sole laugh even harder at her.

Deacon

"So this is the real reason why everyone watched TV before the bombs.... im not surprised, but I am disappointed in you sole... Ever heard of keeping it pg13? Seriously though if I was gonna lose my eye virginity to anyone I'm glad it's you" *Overly sarcastic shoulder pat*

He makes a whole dramatic scene himself acting as if what he just saw was the dictionary definition of vile, and then he starts smirking like a goddamn idiot. In reality he just feels awkward

Piper

"what the- OH COME ON BLUE WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU MAKING ME WATCH!?"

Once you convince her that no, it is indeed not what she thinks it is and that is safe to look she's pretty much fine and will happily watch the rest of the movie. Still though no matter what you say to try and convince her other wise she wholeheartedly believes it was your intention to about give her a heart attack mid movie. Even after you explanation you weren't expecting it either she still blames you and probably won't let you pick the movie for a very long time.

Nick

"Forgot how many scenes there were in old films. Heh, at least this one's tasteful unlike some of the things I've had the misfortune of seeing in my time...."

Hes an old man, he's seen it all. I'm sure he's had to watch some less than tasteful videos/holotapes he found well working a case that turned out to be anything but evidence. at the end of the day as long as there's not to much skin or excessive ridiculous moaning he's good.

Preston

"....."

He knows what's going on, but he's hoping if you don't know that he knows what's going on it'll somehow make this whole situation less awkward. That and he can't actual bring himself to say anything. This is not what he planned for movie night.... good thing he didn't bring a whole bunch of settlers like he had originally planned.

X6-88

"Ma'am/Sir might I ask why you're choosing to watch this with me?"

He's outwardly his usual stoic stone like self, but with a slight blush in his ears. He had meant for what he said to come out monotone like his words usually are, but it came out with far more nervousness then he intended. He's probably gonna wanna shoot some stuff after this. Probably best to let him go deal with his emotions the only way he knows how. violence.

[thenaivestatice]

"....She must be so disappointed in me, you know?"

".......She wouldn't. She would be proud of the kind of man you have become. I know it."

"..............."

@asoryuu-week ..................So, I'm late again, huh?

This is my contribution to asoryuu week day 3: family/double date. I'm so sorry, I swear I wanted to post it in time, but my schedule is a waking nightmare right now 😓

I chose the family prompt. And, ok, that said, I think this might need a liiiiiittle bit of context: it's settled a couple of years post canon, and Kazuma has returned from England. He is visiting his mother's grave alongside Ryuunosuke, paying his respects and asking forgiveness for breaking Karuma.

I'll give more of the context and about my personal thoughts of Kazuma's mom under the cut, and I'll also explain something about the grave....

The in-universe context of this piece: Kazuma, he....I got the feeling he wasn't very proud of the person he became, and had a lot of self-worth issues to get through, and all this time he like..... couldn't bear to face his mom??? He felt like he was undeserving of visiting her, and it's now, when he has healed and grown a little bit that he feels that he, at least can finally face her, even though he still feels undeserving. Ryuu is there for emotional support.

The meta context of this piece: I already had an idea about what I wanted to do for this prompt, but originally, I planned that the grave this two would be visiting would be Genshin's, but then, I remembered that Kazuma, when explaining his Tragic Childhood Backstory ™, mentioned that, after learning about the fate of his father, his mother's health declined and she ended passing away, leaving him all alone. And, I seriously thought we would get a little more info about her? And, we didn't. And, I kinda feel that Kazuma would have had a very strong bond with his mom, seeing that they only had each other for a very long time through his childhood(the kind of relationship I personally imagine they would've had is one similar to that of Gregory and Miles Edgeworth). Anyway, I remembered the fact that we, as a fandom, tend to brush aside the character of Kazuma's mother, and I felt like I had to remedy that a little, y' know? So he is visiting his mom. Also, *gasp* spoiler captain obvious alert!: His mom obviously never hated him. The "sword" and the "honor" are the last things in her mind! She is glad her son has grown up, is healthy and is happier than what he has been in years. And that, in turn, makes HER very happy 💖💖💖

And finally, about the grave: if you look, you'll probably notice that 1) there's two names there, and 2) one of them is colored red. About the two names: Japanese graves have monuments with the name of the deceased engraved on them, but when a married person dies before his or her spouse, the name of the spouse is usually also be engraved on the stone, with the letters painted red. After the death and/or the burial of the spouse, the red ink is removed from the stone. This was usually done for financial reasons, as it was cheaper to make a single grave for both spouses in one go instead of making another one later, but was also used a sign that they living spouse is waiting to follow their partner to the grave. It's like saying "Someday, we'll he together again; this, I promise". The name in red is the name of her husband, which is STILL red because, if I remember correctly, his rests were never returned to Japan, so even if he died, (and died first, at that) his name in his wife's grave would still be painted red, seeing as he is not resting beside her yet. I thought it would be a little romantic and a little heartbreaking??? Idk, I just wanted to draw that....

The kanji must look almost unrecognizable in the grave, but here's the name I used for Aso-Mom:

亜双義 紗也香, (Asougi Sayaka). I chose it in reference to THE Asougi's Mom OC created by Tumblr user kelseymichikoart. (Go see their stuff, it's wonderful! And their fics, are simply ✨beautiful ✨ go do yourself a favor and read them if you can.). I chose this variation of the kanji for the name "Sayaka" because I noticed that the last of the pictogram has similarities to the kanji for flower.(I then discovered that it's because, by itself, the kanji "香" means "fragrance", as in "the fragrance if a flower")

And here's the kanji for Genshin's name, in case any of you are curious:

亜双義 玄真 (Asougi Genshin. Fun fact: he shares the same kanji of his first name with his son, "真"(which means, by itself, truth, real). Kazuma's is written "一真",(which means "one/only truth". ) and his father's name is written "玄真'"("玄", which means "mysterious, nebulous, ambiguous". So his name means "false/unreliable truth")for comparison)

It seems as if I'm making "chibi, but angst" my thing now...

[fireandiceland]

Idk if my ask sent but in case it didn't:

As an Austrian, what are your thoughts on HWS Austria? Do you think he's a fun interpretation?

First of all I'm so sorry that this took me forever to answer D: It took some time to think about it.

The short answer is, he's a fruity little bastard man and I feel very well represented.

The long answer is, when I first watched hetalia I was really excited to learn that there was a character for my country, but I expected something completely different. I knew that the characters are supposed to be very stereotypical, but apparently what I see as stereotypically austrian is very different from what the rest of the world thinks (or at least Himaruya). What I expected was some type of farmer with one of those big hats and lederhosen (traditional austrian clothing) and idk.. more yodeling? Anyways, it was a pleasant surprise to see that we're not perceived as that from the outside!

What I like about him is the way his jokes are delivered, it's like he's seemingly unintentionally funny and that's something I can relate to a lot. That's also something that I talked about with @amber-isnt-a-precious-stone - that both Austria and England (in hetalia and real life) have this dry, british humor.

Something else that I immediately loved about him is his fondness for sweet things. I mean the food we have here is something I love and always miss when I'm on holiday abroad, but the cakes and especially sacher torte.. that's something I don't think I could live without. We eat a lot of cake tbh, especially when we have guests over or on Sunday's it's very common to go to a cafe in the afternoon and just have a nice cup of tea or coffee and a piece of cake.

Oh, one more thing! (I hope you dont regret sending this ask, I promise I'm finished soon!) What bothers me a little (and that might also be the case for other people and the character's representing their country?) is his human name, because it's not stereotypical at all. I dont know anyone called Roderich. It's a very old name so that might be why it's so uncommon (nowadays). And his last name is also pretty uncommon, if you ask me for a typical austrian surname I'd say Mayer or Huber. But it's okay, honestly it's a fancy name for a fancy person so from that perspective.. it fits him!

I could now go on about stuff like how I perceive the relation between Austria and other countries in hetalia and in real life, but I don't really want to get into politics here so I will skip that. Let's just say historically speaking his character traits make sense (doesn't want to get involved in fighting and instead solves his problems through marriage lol).

Thank you again for the ask and I hope you dont regret giving me another good opportunity to ramble <3