#idk much about it yet but I’m genuinely so happy she’s back I love her soooo much so so much I can’t wait to see more of her

[retrace-104]

I’ve been thinking about sn vol2 ch2-3 a lot ... dodora is such an interesting character with the context of her living in ninir, the comparisons you can make between her and lilith REALLY fascinate me. sorry this is gonna be long and it might come off reachy since dodora doesn’t have that much screen-time yet. also I,m just insane about lilith.

from how I read her, dodora is someone with a strong sense of self, of character. I think she’s confident in the identity she ends up forming for herself, and she clearly treasures it, and the life she now lives, so, so much. which is why when she encounters nikki and the player, she ends up so anxious that it will be taken from her, that she’d have to conform to a role that isn’t /her/, to a life she doesn’t want, to a duty that she doesn’t feel is fitting for her, to have her dreams and ambitions taken from her.

but, dodora was born from people’s desire for beauty, of style. styling is an expression of your sense of self, it’s a way of showing the world who you are, it’s you. she was born to express a sense of self, an identity, and that identity could only be formed by her. because you can’t force a sense of self on someone, it just wouldn’t be good or healthy for that person (hey that sure sounds familiar).

dodora’s existence has to be free, she’s inherently free, to be herself, to be with others. because she is dodora, no one else. absolutely no one can take that from her.

now compare this with lilith. lilith. was not born from someone’s desire to express themselves. lilith was born from someone’s /desperation/ to just be able to /live/ a life that has love, that has peace, because they were robbed of it, in one of the cruelest ways imaginable. and to get that life, she had to give herself up entirely, to be loved, to have peace, to be accepted, she had to be beautiful. beauty is still tied to this birth. even if it’s a completely different story. even if it’s a much more heartbreaking existence. this is still a result of beauty.

this birth, this existence, devoid of a desire for a sense of self, lead to an empty person. someone who lost herself, someone who will always want for more, who will always feel void and empty in her heart. someone who was left to be used as a puppet by others. it’s the complete opposite end of dodora.

just. I think it’s really interesting that these two girls, who both embody ninir, who are both symbols of beauty to it, are complete opposites. they’re so drastically different. dodora challenges lilith, in the ninir elections, and her birth challenges the hidden demons of ninir, in my view.

and that!! winds up improving things, to an extent, in a way!! because with dodora’s introduction and story, we get to see things changing for lilith, lilith’s narrative shows growth alongside dodora’s introduction!!

this is the point in the main story where lilith makes an effort to be rid of mercury’s control, to gain more power as queen, to no longer be a puppet. the release of dodora’s chapters is tied to when we get lilith’s double ssr event with modric, where lilith is shown to change, it continues to show her efforts as queen, BUT it also shows that something within her is changing. her view of love.. her desire, desperation for it. I’m not really sure where this is gonna go for her but something IS changing in her.

ashley also makes her return... ashley, who lilith tries to bury down, deep, deep in the darkness of her heart, she yet exists. she’s still here. she’s still alive. there is yet hope for her identity, for her sense of self. I don’t know how they’re gonna go about this narrative but, but. I think it’s safe to say, lilith is her own person now. she was born of loss, she lost her sense of self for so many years. but she is herself, now. she is lilith. and ashely is ashley. they are each their own person. lilith can’t deny her existence anymore, lilith can’t bury her, she can’t burn her to ashes, ashley will shine.

[etherealising]

hey vee! omg i’m so glad you extended your celebration. i’ve been drowning in schoolwork and kinda losing my mind but i totally wanna participate at least once!

ik we’re team barmy in this house but i’m curious to see a drabble on what this day was like from camry’s perspective.

that day baby came to work and he was on a date with claire. how did he bring himself to even go especially after their previous night together. (ik this may be a lil agnsty, i’ve been loving that kind of stuff lately) 💞💞

stawph!!! this request excites me every time i read it and idk why lol. i love writing pre-aiekoy barby it's so much fun to just invent a bunch of lore!!

thank you so much for requesting!!! i see you in my inbox bestie and i promise i’ll get back to you love!! also your constant support really is one of the reasons i keep posting so thank you so much for indulging me 🫶🏽

After baby leaves the berzatto household carmy literally has zero clue what to do with himself, like man is just staring at his bedroom door 30 minutes later trying to figure out if what just happened was real or just his imagination.

He definitely brushes his fingers across his lips a couple of times, tingles racing through his body every time he thinks about your lips on his.

Carmy goes to sleep happy that night his mind full of visions of you as he finally lays his head to rest.

Sunday rolls around and he’s feeling a bit anxious that neither of you have seen or spoken to each other since that night.

Carmy is freaking out like it genuinely hasn’t even been a full 24 hrs since the moment the two of you shared and he’s sure he scared you off. Maybe you just kissed him back because you felt sorry for him man is running through all the worst scenarios in his head.

He’s definitely picked up the phone to call you and typed out messages but was too scared to do either one in fear of rejection or worse in fear of ruining your already rocky friendship.

At some point, he just relegates himself to finishing some English final essay to keep his mind off of you (it obviously doesn’t work).

It’s getting later as the day passes by and Carmy’s just staring at the few words in the notebook and the eraser marks decorating the page.

The sound of his phone vibrating against the table pulls him from his thoughts and that boy is racing from his seat to answer it, no hesitation no checking the caller ID nothing.

He answers breathlessly and calls your name with a smile on his face because who else would be calling him?

The devastation radiates off of him as Claire’s voice rings into his ears. He gives her an uninterested “Oh, hi.” Mans is not happy at all but he was raised right so he indulges her.

Carmy zones out as soon as he realizes it’s not you, moving through the living room to peek through the curtains at your house, your car is still in the driveway so you must be home, maybe he can go see you after this phone call.

Claire’s voice drifts through his ears asking where he’s at and homeboy is confused most of his focus going to how he’s gonna get his girl who isn’t yet his girl.

And then he remembers before his moment with you, before he knew what it felt like to feel the soft caress of your lips, the weight of your body in his lap. Claire asked him to lunch and he said yes!

He stumbles over his words, he can easily tell Claire that he’s not interested, that there’s someone else. But only an asshole would do something like that over the phone. So with one last look at your car, he decides he’ll meet up with Claire, let her down easy, and then you and him can figure out what this is between the two of you.

Carmy uses the back entrance not wanting to engage with any of the many people crowded in line at the front of the shop, easily finding Claire alone at a table a sigh of relief escaping him that she hadn’t chosen yours and his special table.

It’s awkward for the first few minutes after he sits down. He promised himself he’d start by admitting to Claire that he thought she was nice and pretty even, but that he realized he was in love with someone else.

Claire breaks the ice before he can even get his little speech out, maybe he’ll wait till the end of this little hangout maybe that would save the awkwardness of having to eat with someone you admitted you didn’t have feelings for.

Somehow the two of them go from awkward conversation to joking around about the previous night at prom.

Carmy’s back is to the entrance so he doesn’t take notice of your presence but he watches as Claire’s eyes drift from his face her eyes lighting up hand waving with gusto as she says your name.

Carmy doesn’t even need to turn around to see you, a heavy weight growing at the bottom of his stomach, but he does anyway and the way you avoid his eyes is enough proof that this whole situation upset you.

He doesn’t even give Claire a second thought before he’s out of his seat trying to find you, the muffled cries leaving the walk-in lead him straight to you, and he can’t help the annoyance that builds up in him at hearing Mikey’s voice.

His older brother, always there to save the fucking day. He stays a bit longer just listening to you sob and he knows he was the cause of your anguish.

Carm returns to Claire and apologizes for leaving and he doesn’t explain anything but he can see the sadness in her eyes as a silent conversation passes between the two of them her eyes watering with her hurt and realization.

Claire was kind enough to offer him a ride home, but Carmy decided to walk home, he didn’t know how he could live with the weight of making two girls cry in one day.

On the tedious walk home, Carmy comes to the decision that it’s best if he just lets you believe what you want. You’ll be gone soon and there’s no point in clearing anything up, no point in putting his feelings about you into words if the two of you will be apart soon.

So he self-sabotages allows you to think he’s the bad guy (i mean he kinda is lol) doesn’t clear up what you think you saw, and doesn’t address the kiss and intimate moment he initiated.

And as the days tick down to your departure he watches you grow closer to Hayden, ignoring Claire’s questioning looks as she tries to understand why you and Carmy aren’t together yet.

The time comes for your departure and he’s built up some false confidence about telling you the truth about everything but he chokes. Wishes you luck in college and mutters promises about keeping in touch, promises he knows are a lie as soon as he speaks them because he doesn’t think he could pretend to be happy for you knowing his own happiness lies with you.

a/n: gosh do i love making these two suffer, there’s some tidbits in here that i might expand on in a carmy interlude i have planned but only time will tell. enjoy!

[onyourowndaisymae]

Yoo I have two request which I’ll send the other one separately but I am in an ANGSTY mood rn sooo yah also been binging ur headcanons and stuffs and I just love the way you write ?? It’s so entertaining lol

AnywY the actual request: can you write like a one shot or headcanons if you prefer of mc who is struggling after the belphie incident ?? Like they feel like they’ve mostly forgiven him and can act normally around him and they’re friends and take naps together but sometimes the flash back just HITS THEM and they have nightmares and panic attacks that can be so bad sometimes someone needs to get Simeon to calm them down. Maybe something of how the brothers react/treat mc and belphie? Idk I’m just thirsting for like MEGA ANGST rn bc my dad made me cry little bit lmao 😭

it comes at night

hello anon! i'm terribly sorry you're in such an angsty mood, though i thank you for all the love-- and for sending this request right as these ideas were on the front of my mind. it genuinely makes me so happy to see people enjoying my work, and it makes all the writer's block and such worth it. i cannot express enough how much i love seeing all the comments, reblogs, etc. as people engage with my work.

anyways. i'm not sure how i feel about this piece, especially with how LONG it ended up being, but maybe that's just my mushy brain talking after looking at it too long. regardless-- i hope you enjoy (well, y'know, in like a sad and angsty way).

synopsis: you thought you would be able to move on like all the others. your body was healed, your anxiety tucked neatly behind a mental wall built to keep you safe. yet something in you was stuck. you couldn't just move on. you were trapped in a battle between your friendship with belphegor and the fear gnawing at your brain as you remembered what exactly he did to you. when the dam finally breaks, your whole brain floods with terror, until you're swept away with it. nobody can save you now.

genre: angst, no happy end, just a big ol spoonful of sadness

word count: ~3.1k

content warnings: chapter 16 spoilers, graphic(?) discussions of death, depictions of panic attacks, nightmares, mc progressively getting worse from fear + lack of sleep

it's funny how time works. 

you'd been around your fair share of years. you’d grown, you’d changed, you’d spent your entire life looking toward the future you had planned. then you, a mere human, were yanked into an unfamiliar world. you spent an entire year in the devildom– a year that simultaneously dragged on and flew by– and came out the other side a new person. a single year in the devildom has changed you more than the human realm has your entire life. time was a mischievous thing, always leaving you chasing behind in a fruitless pursuit of something you’ll never quite understand.

but, she also brings blessings with her. they say that time heals all wounds. you've always agreed with that sentiment. scraped knees and adolescent broken hearts are swept away with the passing days, trailing further and further behind you until one day you forget to look back and remember them. the pain scribbled down on diary pages or cried into pillow cases no longer stings like a fresh burn. these things are nothing but scars now. time has a special way of patching you up, of rubbing your back until the tears clear up and you can finally see again. that is how it's always been. 

where is time when you need it? 

she hasn't quite abandoned you, this much is true. cuts and bruises heal over the passing days. your hair and nails still grow. your body still changes, slowly but surely, marching onwards week after week. yet your mind is trapped in stasis. you struggle to break free, but at times the rot consumes you whole, until you’re crying under the covers and begging from respite from the memories. 

on the worst nights, you find yourself in the attic again, watching the door between you and belphegor swing open. you watch yourself march towards death.

you can still feel his hands around your neck, digging his claws into your fragile human skin like you're made of sand. the scent of blood-- your own blood, on the floors, on the walls, leaking from your torso and staining your clothes a permanent maroon-- still clings to the inside of your nose. even your wildest dreams could not erase the sight of his smug grin, the way his eyes lit up looking at your battered body.

no one person should have to carry the weight of realizing they're going to die. that's what you thought about when your body hit the bottom of the stairs, when belphegor tossed you down from the attic with a harsh laugh and punted your limp body into the entrance hall. you thought about how unfair this all was. you were just trying to help. you thought you were doing the right thing.

one of the worst parts of your untimely demise was watching the others react. the voices pool together in your head, like the colors of the rainbow twisting together on the surface of an oil spill. asmo's panicked shriek blends into satan's angry shouts, desperate to understand what's going on. lucifer's yelling almost drowns out the fearful cries coming from levi, held back by a very silent beel. 

but above all of that, you remember mammon. your first man, the first demon who took a chance on the defenseless little human, rushing to your side and gathering you in his arms like you were about to break. his hand on the side of your face, the tears streaming down his face, the shaky, desperate voice assuring you that you'll be okay and begging you to hang on, okay? please don't leave me. you can't remember if he was shaking or if it was your body's last ditch effort to stay conscious-- maybe both. your trembling fingers intertwined with his. words came out of your mouth, and you're not sure what exactly you said, but he only cried harder in response. 

and then, as your eyes shut for the final time, you woke at the bottom of the attic stairs. you had cheated death. 

your price? you had to carry the memories. 

the world kept spinning. days passed in the devildom. you returned to school, kept on top of your homework, spent your days in the house of lamentation alongside the seven demon brothers. you even got to know belphegor as he navigated his return home. he quickly grew fond of you. that, in and of itself, was jarring. but you returned each and every smile with one of your own. his actions were rooted in his own grief for his sister, you knew, and for that you could not fault him. you helped him repair the severed relationships between him and his elder siblings, stitching the family back together like a prized quilt until the seams of betrayal were sufficiently hidden. 

time is a traitorous bitch. why did she choose now to leave your wounds bare and bleeding?

everyone moved on but you. everyone got to wake up in the mornings without a nagging anxiety holding them back. the others could hang out with belphegor day in and day out without a growing feeling of dread popping up when you think you're safe. 

he killed you. he was grieving. your blood drenched the entryway floors as he laughed. he has grown. you watched the light leave mammon's eyes as you slipped away. belphie has been nothing but kind to you since that day. you fucking died. 

you wish your mind could pick a side. did you forgive him, or did you resent him? was he your friend, or your killer? these answers evaded you in the dead of night as you struggled to sleep again. it was becoming more common for you to lose hours of rest to these nagging fears. who are you? are you even you anymore? did the switch in timelines scatter your atoms across countless universes, leaving the you that looks back at you in the mirror nothing more than a hollow shell? 

you thought that you could keep your mind on a tight leash, keep your cards close to your chest as you continued to live with the brothers. you were wrong.

the first meltdown came during a nap with belphie. you had grown to trust him-- you thought you trusted him-- enough to sleep around him. he'd coax you every so often into an afternoon nap. always in the light of day, always your choice. and for many afternoons, you were perfectly content with this arrangement. belphie was warm and cuddly, a perfect companion for a lazy afternoon. he had this way of making you feel safe as you slept-- the nightmares couldn't come when he was snuggled up next to you, when you were sure his actions were ones of affection and not another trick to gain your trust.

one afternoon, while the sun was beginning to set, you stirred under the warmth of the blankets. the body next to yours lingered close, steady breaths lulling you back to dreamland. you could stay like this forever, you thought.

and then you felt it. the gentle graze of a familiar cow tail against your skin.

something inside of you, a dam you didn't even know was there, snapped. a hot flash of panic rose up your throat as your whole body jerked away from the feeling. your eyes shot open and you found yourself in the last place you needed to be right now: the attic. you pulled yourself out of bed before your brain could catch up. colors flashed across your vision as a consequence. you whipped around, disoriented and upset, and spotted a sleeping belphie in the bed where you once were.

a sleeping, demon belphie.

the familiar curve of his horns made your throat spasm as you tried to breathe. the colors flashed in your vision again-- oh god, what a terrible time to be left defenseless-- as your brain tried to drag you back to that day. you could practically see his face shift from relief to malicious, insidious joy as he began to attack you.

"hehe... does it hurt? finding it hard to breathe? i'm sure it must be very unpleasant."

please. please no.

" i have to say, seeing a human face twisted in pain like this... why, it's so much fun that i can barely stand it! i... i can't contain the laughter!"

you weren't quite sure when you hit the ground, but it was loud enough to wake belphegor from his slumber. he peeled his body off the mattress, slow and dazed, as he looked for you.

"mc? what're you... what's going on?"

please don't. this can't be happening.

your lungs collapsed from the weight of your own panic. you gasped-- once, twice, as your vision went in and out. were you bleeding? your hand loosely brushed at the front of your clothes, but couldn't process whether that was blood or your vivid imagination. were you even breathing? your head felt light and heavy at the same time. the wires in your brain were all crossed, sending both resuscitation and shutdown signals to each part of your body. this feeling... this was too familiar.

were you dying?

"mc, what's going on?"

you came face to face with belphegor. your friend, your killer. the demon who had lured you up to this very attic to kill you, now gripping your shoulders as interrogated you inches from your face.

you screamed. you screamed until your brain shut off completely, leaving you in an inky pit of darkness as your consciousness slipped away.

the house was in disarray for several days. apparently, lucifer came in shortly after you passed out, mammon at his heels, to save the day. you woke up later in his bed, the room cold and empty, with a throbbing head and a tear stained pillow. you stumbled out into his office to find him at his desk, lost in some paperwork like always. the solemn look he gave you as your eyes met told you everything you needed to know.

from this day forth, your fear was now your constant companion.

nobody in the house of lamentation knew how to move forward. not you, not the brothers, not the widening gap growing between you all with each passing day spent in emotional limbo. finally, lucifer called everyone to a family meeting where, over the course of an hour or two, everyone came to an agreement to acknowledge what had happened and why, promised to be mindful of this trauma that you're carrying, and move forward like you requested.

silent days slowly but surely filled back up with laughter again. the brothers came back to your side at their own pace-- asmo first, within a matter of hours, then mammon shortly after, then the others in the following days.

belphegor was the last to come around. his silence spoke volumes about his guilt. he had no clue how to comfort you. he'd do anything to repent for his actions. yet that was the way that life worked, didn't it? some actions simply cannot be undone.

but you didn't let that stop you. despite the panic that closed your throat every time you saw him for the next month, you slowly earned his friendship again. you assured him that the attic incident was a one time thing, the remnants of a lost nightmare blending into your consciousness as you awoke.

until it wasn't a one time thing.

the nightmares crept up on you. the first one happened, of course, that same night, as you thrashed and wept into lucifer's pillows. then a week later, another. a week and a half after that, another. the frequency eventually became higher and higher, until you started planning your sleep schedule (or lack thereof) around your new insomniac tendencies. but even you couldn't manage to stay awake forever.

on a bad night, you'd wake up in tears, crying weakly to yourself as you tried to coax yourself back to bed. on worse nights, you'd shoot up out of bed, limbs tingling in fear, opting to spend the rest of the night in the common room until the others woke for the day. on the worst night, you finally broke. you shattered worse than you could have imagined.

you finally collapsed into bed, body shutting down after a three days of minimal sleep. you were starting to get shaky from the lack of rest, and your lack of appetite was upsetting the others. you crawled under the covers and let your brain slip out of your hands and off to dreamland.

what a fool you were to think you'd get by without nightmares.

visions of demonic teeth tearing at your flesh filled your head. you tried to run away, tried desperately to wake yourself up, but their claws sunk into your flesh. the pain was vivid, was real. memories of your death lived underneath your skin, ready to resurface in the dark of night when there was no escape. you fought back as best you could, kicking and screaming and trying to run, but you were no match for the supernatural strength of your demons. you eventually gave in, an act of learned helplessness, and surrendered yourself to your worst nightmares.

you woke up choking on your own tears. heaving, gasping breaths tried to save you, mixing with coughs as your body struggled to hang on. the tears finally gave way to the memories-- hot blood dripping from your torso, screaming faces begging you to stay, your head going fuzzy as your vision followed--and your screams escaped without a fight.

a mixed cacophony of voices came flooding in the room. you'd be touched by the gesture, seeking comfort in the arms of your dearest friends, if your brain hadn't reminded you that they were demons as well. nightmarish beasts with fangs and claws, predators built to rip your soft flesh from your bones and leave you to die like roadkill.

you felt a hand on your shoulder. who's was it? you could not tell. your first and only instinct was to scream for mercy, hot tears streaming down your face as mammon's hurt expression moved back out of your line of sight. your chest heaved with effort. it felt like your whole body was caving in on itself. you didn't even realize you were shaking as you curled your body into a ball. your side hit the mattress with a pathetic thud and you wept, bitter and fearful, as a panic attack kept you trapped in its grip.

you don't know how long you stayed curled up like that, wordless cries echoing from your room and into the hallway, but eventually the sound of approaching footsteps caught enough of your attention to forget the panic, even if just for a moment.

"hey, it's okay," a familiar, comforting voice approached, cutting through the fear like a moonlight on a stormy night. "mc, it's me, it's simeon. it's going to be okay."

you felt the bed shift under the weight of someone sitting down, and you blindly threw your body at the person before checking to see if it was really him. it took you a few moments to raise your head, and when you did, you saw him: simeon, your angel, blue eyes full of worry as he met your gaze.

you cried in his arms until you fell into a fitful, dreamless sleep.

the next morning was miserable, to say the least. breakfast was tense. they all watched you like a hawk, like you were a powder keg about to explode with one wrong move. you couldn't blame them. you were afraid of your own emotions, and on some level, you were afraid of them. your trauma was making you afraid of the very people you cared about the most. these brothers had welcomed you into their home, took care of you as you adjusted to life in the devildom, and yet you couldn't hold eye contact without breaking in to a cold sweat.

the only person who did not watch you was belphegor. he was nowhere to be found during breakfast, nor dinner, nor breakfast the following day. you tried to seek him out, but somehow the avatar of sloth had become a skilled sneak in his silence.

you finally caught him alone on day four of radio silence. you both had stayed home without realizing the other had also skipped school that day-- you, from the lack of sleep eating at your brain, and belphegor, with his usual routine of missing class to nap at the house of lamentation. he was curled up on the couch in the common room, basking in the warmth of the fireplace in his slumber. you decided to wait for him to wake up. you sat down on the couch opposite of the one where he rested and watched him, quietly, like he'd disappear if you dared to blink.

creepy? yes. but your brain was long ruined by sleep deprivation and gnawing anxiety to worry about such trivial things.

when he finally stirred, you gently called belphegor's name. he took a moment to finally look at the source of the voice, but when he did, his body froze as the two of you made eye contact. a few moments passed in silence. finally, he sat up and began to make a move to leave.

"wait."

he stopped, but his gaze did not meet yours. you rose from your seat and joined him on the couch. the youngest pulled his legs in, twisting his body into a defensive little ball, and countered your next sentence before you could even open your mouth.

"you shouldn't be here with me."

"i think i'm old enough to make decisions for myself."

he shifted uncomfortably in the silence. you spoke again.

"i miss you. and i'm sorry."

he scoffed to himself and stared at the fireplace. "don't know why you think you should be apologizing to me. i'm the one that's the problem."

"you're not a problem, belphie. i never meant to make you feel like one."

every hair on your body stood on end. your hands trembled against your wishes, so you sat on them to stay focused. you had to do this. you had to keep moving forward.

"i hurt you, mc. you're afraid i'm going to do it again."

you sighed-- it came out more shaky than you would have liked-- and looked down. how had it come to this? how had someone you'd grown to hold so dear become a stranger again?

"i don't want to stop being friends. i don't like when you avoid me."

"you still get nightmares, don't you?"

you pause. his icy gaze on the side of your head sent you into a cold sweat.

you smiled-- it felt more like a grimace, personally-- and prayed it didn't come across insincere. your fingers carefully intertwined with his. he met your gaze. you were thankful he couldn't see the way your chest tightened when you made eye contact. 

"i'm okay, belphie," you lied. 

this fear was going to be the death of you. 

[greenxgloss]

Honey To The Bee

Clyde (Electrik children)

Y/N and Clyde have feelings for each other but y/n is unsure if he’s being genuine in his confession

A/N: i haven’t written and posted in a really long time so excuse any mistakes or inconsistencies i’m way too tired to proofread i just wanted to get this out lol just an idea i had idk. sorry for being MIA and like popping in and out of tumblr so much i honestly thought i’d given up on writing lol also though i’ve been on here a while i still don’t know how to write the warnings and stuff so please bare with me

warnings?: Fem reader, mostly fluff, clyde being very slightly pervy yeah i didn’t feel the need to add smut today lol

“what’s going on between you two?” johnny asked clyde as he closed the door behind their closest friend. he blushed trying to keep a straight face. “man nothing it’s never like that with her.” he lied. he sort of has a massive crush on you and it had increased ever since you’d met.

“you act like we’re not bestfriends and roommates.” johnny said glancing over at him for a moment waiting for clyde to fill him in on something that clearly happened. but clyde just sighed, rolled his eyes and retreated to the bathroom to wash his face to cool himself down.

y/n was a block away in her car, equally as red as clyde but she has no one around to ask questions so she quickly slowed her heartbeat. he probably wasn’t even being serious she thought as she drove. he was probably playing a joke like usual. either way she wasn’t gonna let it bother her so she headed in to work.

y/n worked at a tattoo shop, designing tattoos. she loved watching the modded people walk in covered in silver, colors and ink. they were everything she wanted to be but she was too scared of doing too much and going overboard. clyde, johnny and snow always said it would suit her. they maybe didn’t say it so appropriately but that was the idea.

tonight johnnys band had a show and clyde was supposed to be going on stage to escalate the mood. he wanted y/n to do his makeup so she sat in her office looking through pinterest for inspiration after drawing up her last tattoo. “hey you busy tonight?” asked her coworker from the door. “yeah i got a gig.” she replied. “how late you gonna be out? i need you to pick something up for me.” he asked. y/n thought it over before just agreeing.

clyde was excited for the show. he’d been on stage with the band before but he wanted it to be more of a permanent position since he had to attend all their gigs because he’s their driver. y/n always felt her knees go weak when she watched him on stage. to her he looked so free and so happy and his happiness always made her happy. but he also looked really fucking hot. that’s when her feelings for him started. the first time she saw him on stage.

as she picked up her makeup bag and headed to clyde’s van outside the venue she began sweating. clyde had confessed feelings for her and though she had feelings for him too she was worried that maybe he was joking. that snow or lola told him and he was playing a trick on her. so before she was in view of the van she called snow.

“so.. clyde told me he likes me. but it didn’t feel genuine. and listen i won’t be mad but did you or lola tell him i have feelings for him?” she asked the moment the ringing stopped. “what no?! he actually told us he likes you and asked how he could ask you out.” she laughed. y/n turned red. “clyde’s a great guy so i think you should go for it. you trusting us with telling us you like him is a big deal to us we wouldnt betray that.” she informed y/n and she felt relief wash over her.

once they hung up y/n proceeded to the van. "hey you're almost late." clyde said as he opened the van. "yeah sorry i was on the phone with snow." she laughed. "do you wanna talk about earlier?" he asked. y/n stayed silent and set up her makeup. "maybe not yet." she still had to think about how it would affect the friend group. he nodded and sat back. she sat next to him and began the clown makeup she'd thought up before playing billie piper on her phone. "whats this music?" he asked quietly trying to hold still for her. "i actually dont know i found out billie pipers a musician and ive had a recent interest in 2000s pop." she said, applying the white foundation. he hummed in response.

"wouldnt this be easier?" he asked as he pulled her on his lap. she blushed, getting comfortable. "just not so much movement i assume." she joked but it made him blush. they stayed quiet for a moment while she focused but all she could think about was his hands inching down her back.

“woah watch it.” she said, pulling his hands up and he giggled and lightly gripped her making he jump slightly. she willed herself to continue his makeup when they made eye contact and she leaned in to kiss him. it was the sweetest kiss she’d ever had. though the position they were in was very compromising it felt gentle and warm dare i say wholesome?!

they pulled away and sat it a comfortable silence before giggling. “we’ll at least now i know for sure you weren’t joking earlier.” she looked away sheepishly trying to hide her fluster. “i have no idea how you thought i was messing with you. have i not been obvious?” he said, turning her head to look at him. she shrugged, thinking back to all the moment when he laid his hand on her lower back to guide her or got her a meaningful gift that only the two of them would understand or how johnny described to her the excitement clyde would suddenly have when he knew she was coming over.

“there was just so much overwhelming me. i didn’t want to put our friendship at risk.. ours or with the group.” she said sitting back up and looking at him. “well i definitely risked your makeup i have to start over.” she laughed wiping the black lipstick off his chin. “i’m definitely not mad at it. i like this type of alone time.” he let his hands rest on her thighs.

she grabbed a wet wipe and took the mess off of him, wiping gently to not irritate his skin. she’s done his makeup so many times before, sitting on his lap but it’s never felt the way it does now.

——

LAST A/N: sorry if this was short i usually make these so long that i just lose interest and never finish them so this is the best i can do right now. i’m still organizing my tumblr even after what like 3 years of being on here? welcome to all the new followers i do intend on continuing posting at least for a while lol i really enjoy interacting with anyone and i will take constructive criticism ofc :)

[grazillaa]

So I recently started hyper fixating on Hanoi Rocks and I just learned that Sami had his son at around 21 or 22. So can I get a fic or head canons about Sami figuring out he accidentally got fem reader pregnant and her having a panic attack over it because she thinks he's going to leave her and he doesn't want the child.

i just learned abt this too, i like this idea a lot cuz :((( also i’m giving this a good ending wether you like it or not 👏

Don’t You Ever Leave Me- Sami Yaffa

*that gif isn’t mine btw idk where it’s from (he’s so cute)

it had been an entire week since you took the test, and that was when the secret started. and you’ve been carrying it around all week, figuring out what to do while you further pushing off telling sami that you were pregnant.

“y/n! i’m home, baby!” you were sitting on the bed, staring at the ceiling. as much as you loved sami, you’d been dreading him getting home, because it reminded you that you would have to tell him sometime. you’d been unintentionally avoiding him lately, and even though you didn’t realize it, he did.

”hey, there you are.” he stood in the doorframe of the bedroom, smiling at you. you noticed there was a little bit of concern in his eyes once he sat down next to you on the bed, and you started to panic as you realized he was very much into you.

“hi sam.” you said in a squeaky whisper. he was facing you while you remained looking at the ceiling. he grabbed your hand and you squeezed it back.

“what’s got you worrying, y/n?” he asked, sounding very genuine and worried. you hated that he felt your anxiety secondhand. you started crying, wiping away the first tear before it rolled down your face.

“well… sami…” you stuttered in between long pauses of trying to figure out what to say. and he was so patient. “i do have to tell you something.” you finally turned and looked him in his pretty, sad blue eyes. it was very hard to refrain from sobbing once you did.

“i’m gonna have a baby…” you whispered, not knowing how quiet your voice was. his face instantly relaxed and he even seemed to smile the littlest bit. he moved stray strands of hair from your face and held your cheek delicately.

“really?” he smiled a little wider. your head dropped and you started to cry again. “baby, why are you crying?” he became worried again at your state. you shook your head slowly.

“i t-thought you were gonna leave me.” you confessed, sniffling. he waited a short second before pulling you to him and putting his arms around you as you continued to cry. he kissed your head repeatedly and responded calmly,

“i would never ever leave you. i love you.” he explained clearly. you smiled against him, still breathing heavily after the tears begin to dry. you looked back up at him, a loving smile on his face while he kissed away the remaining tears. “i’ll never leave you.” he repeated, foreheads now pressed together. he kept holding you as your heart steadied and you felt you could breathe again.

“i love you sami.”

“i love you so, so much, y/n.”

he asked if you felt alright, if you needed anything or if there was anything he could do for you. you laid with him, and understood that he was actually pretty damn happy about the whole situation. he wouldn’t stop talking about it for days, and he was excited to tell the rest of the band and literally anyone else who could hear him. he would lay with you with his head on your chest and a hand placed gently on your tummy, smiling to himself and thinking about what was yet to come.

[nikethestatue]

I feel like the timeline of releases also has to do with why HOFAS was bad and why I’m nervous for Elain’s book. So much time passed between HOSAB and the release of HOFAS. Maybe if they didn’t make us wait so long for a mid book, people wouldn’t have been so mad about the book being mid. And SJM is so fickle, the time in between publishing books she changes her mind so much I think. That’s why IMO her older books were more consistent, she wrote them so close together back to back, whereas now she’s taking over a year. Prior to September 2023 when she said she’s working on the next ACOTAR, I think the last time she touched ACOTAR was summer 2020. That’s the main reason I’m now nervous for Elain’s book. 3 years in between writing is just a recipe for disaster when it comes to SJM. First because we’ve had so long to think of all it could be and theorize and get our expectations and hearts set on an amazing story. Second because i don’t think SJM will deliver a good story based on where she is and how she’s writing rn. And like, if you’re gonna take that long, you better have been working really hard and the book better have no flaws! HOFAS felt like she rushed it yet she had 2 years to get it right?? Idk. Well, I guess we can only hope she will suddenly get back on track with Elain’s book! Wishful thinking tho. (I honestly don’t even mind if the Elain book is mid overall, so long Elain is true to character, has a good arc and gets to shine, and has a good romance storyline with Azriel, I’ll be happy.)

it saddens me that after HOFAS, all or most of hope and excitement over the next ACOTAR book kind of died down. I think it will come back once we know something, but seeing how SJM didn't stay true to anything in HOFAS, it seems that the wind's been taken out of everyone's sails. Whether it's Eluciens, Elriels or Gwynriels. It seems that everyone is very meh now.

I think whoever is still excited about this is not genuinely thrilled about the potential of the book, but is more like, let's get it over with. Which again, is sad.

Let's hope that she got new ideas, that now she doesn't need to hold back, that the crossover explained a lot of things that she can now incorporate into the ACOTAR world.

Let's hope that Koschei is a red herring and we'll be in for a true shock over the real villain Amren. Let's hope that because there wasn't much romance in either CC or ACOSF, SJM is yearning to write something romantic and a love story and not just cringey smut.

Let's hope she is brimming with amazing ideas and will deliver an incredible book.

[hoodie-buck]

20 Questions for fic Writers!

—thanks for the tags loves @monsterrae1 @spotsandsocks @wikiangela 🩵

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

—230

2. What’s your total AO3 word count?

—1,349,088

3. What fandoms do you write for?

—mostly buddie, but some teen wolf here and there. used to write a lot for animal kingdom; i miss them 🥲

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

—nobody can do everything (this has over 2k kudos now??!! 🥹)

—if i lay here, would you lie with me (forget the world)

—five +1 (who allowed me to use this for the title 💀)

—i want to love you (but i don’t know how)

—someone to stay

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

—always! (even if it takes me a while 🙈) i appreciate anyone who takes the time to read and comment on my silly little stories. it genuinely means so much to me 🫶🏼

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

—ohh definitely come back home (version 2) i made myself cry with it 🥺

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

—hmm most my fics have happy endings, after all the angst 😅 but maybe: when i lose my grip, you pull me back (you're my universe) idk i just loved bringing that one full circle!

8. Do you get hate on fics?

—mm not really hate, more like unnecessary comments/feedback? idk it’s not very often thankfully

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

—yess! umm idk mostly soft and sweet or really emotional??

10. Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve written?

—not yet but i’ve had a buddie/chenford one in my wips for forever…maybe i’ll finish it one day…

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

—not that i know of?

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

—no. someone asked once but they didn’t have an account so it never really went anywhere

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

—yesss 2...wait 3 with my wife @loserdiaz 🩵 (we need to do another one soon <3333)

—this is my idea of fun (playing video games)

—i don't want to keep secrets just to keep you

—no body, no crime

14. What’s your all time favorite ship?

—hmmm there’s so many to chose from! i will say buddie has had me in a chokehold like no other

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

—mmm probably my smutty author!buck…idk maybe one day i won’t hate her

16. What are your writing strengths?

—hmm i tend to just think i’m terrible at everything lmao, but i always get comments that i’m really good at keeping them in character even with all the aus i write!

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

—hmm probably overuse of punctuation or run on sentences ?? i feel like maybe i’m bad with description bc i have such a vivid imagination i forget to write that, but idk

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

—i’ve done it in the past but not in a long time. as long as it’s done tastefully i don’t mind

19. First fandom you wrote for?

—teen wolf (the chokehold that fandom has on me istg)

20. Favorite fic you’ve written?

—i always say coastlines which i’m sure y’all are tired of hearing 😅 but she’s my baby girl, the loml and i will never shut up about her

tagging: @loserdiaz @redlightsandicedtea @honestlydarkprincess @monsterrae1 @onward--upward @buddierights @barbiediaz @eddiebabygirldiaz @elvensorceress @ronordmann @witchesdiaz @spaceprincessem @giddyupbuck @disasterbuckdiaz @jacksadventuresinwriting @thewolvesof1998 @daffi-990 @arthursdent @wildlife4life @hippolotamus

[coffinpal]

Loved Mama Duck Part 2! You guys are both so talented! That must have been a work!

I know someone theorized that the pizza employee might be Jennika I think. I kind of thought they were Casey!

Also Hunee is equal parts unhinged and calculating, she looks to be terrifying.

How do you and 0ddbugs feel about fanart of redline? I kinda want to draw Donnie comforting April with a hug. That was so sweet he went back to check on her. A good hug after a big cry is just really comforting.

Ahhh thank you so much! （＾∇＾）It took a while but it was fun!!

Idk how much I’m allowed to say before 0ddbugs comes after me but I will say we haven’t seen Casey yet , but he was mentioned. Just not by name. 👀

SJNDIDBDISNAKS IM SO GLAD YOU LIKED HUNEE we were kinda scared to post her tbh we were worried ppl wouldn’t like her or smthn but I’m very happy with her reception so far. She is a force of nature not to be underestimated for sure.

We ADORE fan art, we genuinely love what we’ve received so far from people and we like to go back and look at them all from time to time! So if you wanna do art we would love to see it 🥰

That would be so sweet! 0ddbugs is working on her official reference so it should be easier to draw her after that but I do have a full body doodle of her on an extra info post I’ll link it later

Thank you for the ask!!

[sadesluvr]

FNAF TRAILER THOUGHTS

Once again, this is for fun💀 Don’t come at me if you disagree, unless it’s done respectfully. This may be a long, rambly post but I’ll be as coherent as possible🤣

THE GOOD

1. In love with Mike now, IDK. The teaser didn’t give me much to work with, but he’s so cute and babyfaced yet rugged and dark😋 His relationship to Abby is giving me horny thoughts™️, like Ineedhimtobreedme… He seems to have dry humour which is totally how I imagine and write him to be!!

2. Why did Henry get jumped by Bonnie omg💀 Anyway, he’s looking like a total dad ™️ , love the long hair and mature look…Definitely how I imagine him to be!! He looks like a wrestler named Mick Foley (also a good guy) which I find funny lol

3. SO HAPPY CORYXKENSHIN GOT A CAMEO! I was going to be quite annoyed if he got left out over all the white FNAF youtubers, he’s just as deserving.

4. Pizzeria layout looks interesting!

THE BAD (loose term)

1. The animatronics and aesthetics look too clean…IDK

2. I also don’t know if this is going to be as dark as people hope? I didn’t get the vibe from the trailer, but it could always surprise me. Also, (genuine question, enlighten me) from what I know, Peacock is known for not liking unnecessarily violent content (ref: It hosts WWE and censors mature/violent content at times) so how comes its being released to the platform? Or is it because it’s a movie so it doesn’t matter?

THE INBETWEEN/ OTHER THOUGHTS

- Where Mike and Abby live is interesting to me, because it seems like a house? But he clearly lives away from their mom, as he surely would’ve left Abby with her if they were close? I guess they’re estranged or have a really loose relationship - She could even be dead and might just appear in flashbacks only💀

- STEVE! (Jokes aside, I feel like this is a Mike centric film)

- UMMM so towards the end of the trailer there’s a kid holding a toy gun being carried at the back of a car whilst Mike screams - I THINK THIS IS EVAN?? All the siblings have the same hair colour, and if he was one of the missing 5 he would’ve been in the circle in the forest? I even think the woman driving him is their Mom…

EDIT: Or it could be Michael too! I wonder why he’s running after him, and why he looks so sad though?

- I feel like the forest stuff is out of place, but now that I’ve thought about it I think it’s just dream sequences…Weird setting though

- So, Vanessa might not meet Mike at the mall after all - Still don’t know what to think about her but she’s obviously shady asf. On the subject of her, I’m holding onto the theory that they’re siblings (source: i made it up). Something could happen in the hospital where he has to sign for her, and he’ll see the ‘Afton’ name (If she’s still Vanessa A Ness). Once/If they show William’s hair colour I’m doing a genealogy tree😭

- William always in his damn office staring at the camera…Get ur fucking ass up and WORK!

Anyway, share your thoughts too! I wanna hear them :) You can DM me too 🙈 <3

[goblins-riddles-or-frocks]

@doomsayings I had to make a separate post bc I have too much to say for a reply lmao. But I’M OBSESSED!! I literally only started Housewives to humor a friend but then it got me like immediately lol. I’m not current on either tbh tho. Housewives I’m on season… four? The one where Carlton and Joyce joined. And VPR I’m on season two. I’m trying to watch to keep up with both so that they’re like around the same time ish for any crossover content.

General thoughts, I’m in loooove with Lisa Vanderpump. She’s so sexy 😭😭😭 and she seems like the most genuine and normal of them? Hate that they’re all turning on her rn where I’m at in the season. Like leave her alone!!! She hasn’t done anything wrong ever.

Season one was really funny with the insane Kyle and Camille drama. Probably the only time Kyle has ever been justified imo sjdhdd. It was really cool how Camille turned around and became the least dramaful person over the subsequent seasons tho. Like she ended up leaving the show but Good For Her. It sounds like she had some like capital T Therapy and became way more mature and mellow.

Kyle was fun in like season one? But she’s been kind of pearl clutchy and annoying since idk. It’s good drama ig. But I’m neutral on her. I liked her relationship with Lisa a lot though rip it made a lot of sense why Lisa wanted to step back. And it’s been really funny how Kyle’s legit just acting like a jealous ex over it and being like “but why don’t you love me anymore :C” I was very 👀👀 when they kissed in Paris as a “joke” tho.

Adrienne seemed really chill and level headed at first at least next to the others and then got bizarrely touchy by the end. I love drama but hers seemed really petty all the time, so I was glad she left the show. Also she like transparently absolutely LOATHED her husband from the first episode, so I’m surprised it took her that long to get divorced.

Also past season but the Taylor thing was scary!!! It was insane seeing the “woman yelling at cat” meme in context and it’s like in the middle of her mental breakdown due to her abusive af husband.

I used to like Brandi a lot but she’s spiraled pretty bad? Like on intro she seemed genuinely really nice and just vaguely without a filter (same) and everyone was ganging up on her for objectively really minor things or interpreting her in bad faith all the time. But idk she got genuinely super racist with Joyce. And now she’s being mean to Lisa 💔

Carlton’s fun but insane. Love her weird goth house and how she and her husband are both clearly sleeping with the nanny. Also just all the very gay moments with Brandi and it’s hilarious how much she seems to hate Kyle for no reason?? Kyle could just be like “hi” and she’s like WHY WOULD YOU EVER SAY SOMETHING SO PASSIVE AGRESSIVE?? I’m sad to see her go but also shdhdfd she is just kind of crazy.

Joyce is meh. She’s just kind of boring. But very pretty. I am happy to stare at her. I know she doesn’t last past the one season either.

Yolanda seems deranged in her personal life but the most solid and reasonable in like the friend dynamic and when drama goes down. It’s really insane though how she’ll just say something completely crazy in passing and then gloss over it shdgd I think she also leaves soon? But she’s fun.

Kim’s also eh. She has soooo many issues but she handles them kind of annoyingly. Her life story is so fucked up and interesting though.

Re: VPR Stassi is probably my fave, she’s so messy 😭😭😭 That entire friend group is just awful! The way they have zero boundaries lmao. It’s like sitcom levels where they’re just together all the damn time. It also makes me feel better about adulthood lmao like these people act like insane teenagers!

Stassi is probs my fave. Love her mean girl energy. Scheana is vapid but probably like… the most solid friend? All the others are such assholes lmao. They never show up for each other!

I’m also not like there yet obvs but I have heard of Scandoval. So rn being at the point where Sandoval and Kristen break up (probably for good?) and the initial #vibes with Ariana, loosely knowing how it goes, is insaaaaane.

I also love every time there’s Housewives crossover, and they’re catering a party or something and are like “what the fuck is wrong with these rich people” shdhff like yeah.

So I’m having a great time! I love Mess!

[sentientgolfball]

Someone a few days ago asked me why I don’t correct people when they misgender me and I’ve been thinking it about it nonstop so im gonna put all my thoughts under the cut. This isn’t like a vent btw it’s more like a…collecting my thoughts all in one place

I am openly nonbinary in my daily life…for the most part. I’m out to all my friends, I have a little pronouns pin on my bag, my preferred name and pronouns are on my school ID and when asked i introduced myself with my pronouns

But I won’t correct people. I won’t tell people either unless we get closer or I’m asked. Because I’m afraid. It has nothing to do with where I’m at, actually the school I go to is literally the most progressive school in my state. I feel genuinely safe here.

It’s because of where I came from. The Midwest is already touch and go, but coming from a small town in the middle of a cornfield? Yea it wasn’t good. I used to have a little pride flag wallet on my keychain and then I got followed home by multiple trucks after making a quick stop at Walmart. I got a new wallet the next day. I was 17 when that happened. I was one of the quiet kids in school and I listened to everything around me. I heard a lot of things that made me feel unsafe. I remember one of my teachers had us debate the ethics of allowing trans people in sports and only 3 people argued for trans athletes myself included. It sucked.

But now I’m here. I’m on the opposite side of my state in this is very open and very supportive community. Granted all it takes is about a 10-15 minute drive to be back in that territory but for a majority of my time I’m in an environment where I’m not 1 of 5 trans kid but 1 of hundreds. I know I’m safe. I know I’m not the only trans person my professors or coworkers have met.

I am still afraid. I’m afraid I’ll lose my job. I know this isn’t true because one of my coworkers is an openly trans woman. I’m afraid I’ll be followed home again.

And then I’m asked “why don’t you correct people?” It was actually my coworker who asked me this. I’m not upset with her, I told her she could ask whatever she wanted and I was happy to answer for her. It’s just…put a lot of things into perspective I hadn’t really thought about.

This year specifically for some reason I've also been thinking a lot about my gender. Tried a few different pronouns, got my first binder, realized I get top surgery and start T one day. Yet that one question for just a moment made me question everything. Made me stop and go "am I really nonbinary because I don't correct people?"

And I thought to myself "no that's silly" because if one of my friends ever purposefully misgendered me for no reason other than to not out me I'd feel wrong. Itchy. Because for a brief moment I considered using he/they pronouns and it just felt so wrong to be he. I am not a he or a she, I am a me. And idk that was really weird for me because I've never had that moment before. Granted I was never really in the space to explore my identity before but now that I have steady meals and my own little space my brain has been able to ponder.

I've been thinking about legally changing my name, but once again I am afraid. Doing it when I turn 21 in November would be easiest because I have to renew my ID anyways, but that means looking my parents in the eye and explaining. That would mean telling all my old lady coworkers at home why. That would mean telling my boss here why. And that scares me so much. Because once I do they'll look at me differently. But it would make my life so easy to be able to change my name before I graduate. Because then I can go into my career field as Rain and not [redacted]. Granted as a teacher I'll just be referred to by my last name 90% of the time which tbh is somehow worse than redacted?? Explain that one to me.

Idk this is a very long ramble that pretty much sums up to be I am nonbinary and I love being nonbinary but man is the brain a funky place.

[imaginespazzi]

Alright bestie, I have sufficiently recovered from my hangover and can actually form more coherent thoughts. It’s gonna be LONG (can you tell I love this chapter so much?), so here goes:

Honestly, this is mainly just going to be me gushing about your writing because genuinely, the way this whole chapter was written was just – it was so beautiful.

Like the past 3 chapters were too, don’t get me wrong, but this one was just oof (I’m running out of words)- I had to re-read paragraphs or sentences several times over because it was just THAT GOOD.

The exchange between Azzi and Zoe, poor Zoe man, and Zoe saying “let me remember you as someone good- someone great” 😔 when you find the love of your life but you’re not theirs ❤️‍🩹 Thank you for your service (to the plot), Zoe.

And then the accident – babes you really put me through it with this part. This in particular though, “Uh yeah- I told her Azzi called and she seemed pretty sure she wanted me to pick up.” Maybe Paige does know what it would do, does know how it would make Azzi feel, maybe that’s the whole fucking point. The rage I felt towards Paige in this moment, like I know she was hurting bad but oh man doing this after having gone back to being radio silent had me fuming!

And then we get to THE SCENE. Which might be one of my favourite things you’ve ever written and that I’ve ever read. Was it one of the most heartbreaking things I’ve had to read? Abso-fucking-lutely. But my god, the way it was written was IMMACULATE. DIVINE. Just absolute perfection.

I could go on about this part forever, and the number of lines/quotes that just pierced me to my core, but this ask might just become as long as the chapter was but far less eloquent so I won’t put anybody through that.

This bit though - “If I hadn’t called you that night would you have called me first Paige?  If I hadn’t gotten into that stupid accident, would you even have texted me ever again?” Paige’s silence is an answer in itself. I was starting to trust Paige again before this chapter and so I was severely disappointed in her with this one. Look I know she starts redeeming herself towards the end, but she’s still got a ways to go before, even I, trust her with Azzi’s heart.

Oh and then when she talks about maybe entering the draft if Azzi gave her a reason to. Like I know baby girl was desperate to save them at this point, but I kinda hated her for it because to give Azzi that small flicker of hope when Azzi was right, she probably would have just resented Azzi for it eventually.

Quick side note though: can I just say I love how real-life circumstances line up perfectly for this fic – Sparks having the second pick of the draft and that being where Paige was projected to go, and then the bracket having UCLA and UConn in a potential Final Four match up. I knew the committee were fans of the fic too! 😭

Azzi giving Paige a taste of her own medicine – AS SHE SHOULD.

The game – Nika hugging Azzi?? Love that growth. And then “good game Bueckers” – again, I’m team Azzi here right now but my heart still hurt for Paige in that moment.

But also, Azzi still being so happy for Paige despite her own heartbreak at losing, the love she still has for her despite everything is so 🥺

The final part – Paige desperately wanting Azzi there for the championship game and just her entire proclamation of love and always being there from now on. Like ok maybe I’m team Paige again too, but she really has put my poor sweet princess pookie through so much so…IDK I’M CONFLICTED.

OKAY FUCK IMMA WRAP THIS BIT UP NOW EVEN THOUGH I COULD KEEP GOING

Thoughts on what’s next?

Fluff, maybe? 😭

I’m actually so curious what Azzi’s response will be, because I think I recall you saying way back when that you envisioned them not ending up together until much later in the story? So does she give in and finally give them a chance? Or is she still not ready yet? Either way, I think for Paige, this is it – she’s all in and even if Azzi says she’s not ready yet, I know she’ll wait however long it takes and she’ll keep showing up (or at least I hope she does).

But also, Azzi showing up to the championship game in Paige’s jersey, maybe? Please?

Also, I just realised that since we don’t have Azzi getting injured in this fic (thank you, because we need at least one alternate universe where it doesn’t happen) – does that mean they’d be getting drafted in the same year? Oof so much potential with that! 👀

Ok ok I’ll stop here now, but again, even in my extremely hungover and half-dead state (which I was in when I first read part 4), trust that my brain was constantly WOW WOW WOW while my heart kept breaking.

Favourite line/quote (there are so many, too many, to choose from):

“I think you mean it now. I don’t think you’ll mean it forever,”

Also just another quick side note, as always the song choice is on point, but when I was listening to my UCLA au playlist (I know, I literally made one too, I’m just too invested lmao), I Was Made For Loving You by Tori Kelly and Ed Sheeran came on and idk the chorus of “I was made for loving you, even though we may be hopeless hearts just passing through. Every bone screaming I don’t know what we should do. All I know is, darling, I was made for loving you” just felt really poignant when reading the ending.

Thank you for this bestie. Have a great day/night and hopefully we get the W tomorrow 🙏

So much love always, Nivi 💗

-🙋‍♀️

Have I mentioned how much I love you? And every time I see you in my inbox, especially with your long reviews, I get to so excited and honestly they'll never be too long for me. <3

First of all babes thank you for all the compliments, like you had me blushing throughout reading because it really means a lot, especially because this fic really would not exist without you. 💗

Zoe really is just a good pure soul and breaking her heart sort of broke mine

Paige (as she realize eventually) really fucked up in this chapter like even I, as the person in control of this lmao, was pretty upset with her but as you said, this is it for Paige. She's fully out of her stupidity era (I think) and completely into her *fight til the end* era now

I had a lot of fun writing the fight scene so the fact that it's your favorite makes me so happy and lowkey babes we're the same, cause gut-wrenching heartbreak scenes really are my most favorite thing ever.

No but actually though so many things lined up really well for the fic to still stay really close to reality (except well UCLA isn't gonna be in the F4 but still if they had Azzi....) and the draft worked out really well. I think for Paige to get to the point that she did, she needed to to be put in a similar situation and the draft really worked out well for that

Okay I'm ngl to you bestie, I actually don't know what's next. I had a vision but I'm also very go with the flow, so a lot of my initial plans have gone out the window. So honestly, currently, I don't know if Azzi's gonna say yes, no or maybe something in between?

I'm glad you picked up on them likely being drafted in the same year because as it stands, the two of them are not gonna be able to be in the same state/city for a hot second and that's gonna be the new point of contention, especially with Azzi's trust issues.

That quote was one of my favorites too!

YES I WAS MADE FOR LOVING YOU FITS SO WELL WITH THE END. I'd also recommend listening to Just Give Me a Reason because the duet fits both Paige and Azzi very well, with one of them being hopeful and the other on the brink of despair

Always happy to see you babes <3

[celestie0]

(sending you an ask as a reply to your response to my reblog, because my network is being a bitch and idk if it went through the first time, it showed it failed to go through to me, and also because it’s easier this way, to type it out in the comment section or reblog)

ANYWAYS(

think i’ve said it before but i’ll say it again; gojo loves reader so passionately, so devotedly and even unconditionally. he fell so much harder, it’s heartbreaking that she doesn’t know, but it’s even more heartbreaking that he’s suffering alone, i’m genuinely waiting for the day she gets to hold him through the night and reassure him that’s it’s fine, that they will be fine. idk perfect, but i think they will be the nearest thing to perfection. perfectly splendid.

there’s nothing sexier than a man who loves passionately and consensually. idk about the rest, but personally him looking at her with so much desire and still letting go of her hands when she interlocks it because she might regret when the sun comes up is undeniably one of the most passionate moments ever. i cannot really explain how it is tbh, but there’s something so strong over there. it’s angsty, it’s heartbreaking, and there’s so much selfless love. he’s so good AND he does it so well. iykyk. also that was indeed a “slut” reference because isn’t gojo a gentleman? a man who loves you more than himself? id dedicate all my favourite ts songs to him! any day.

my favourite part about you showing her vulnerability is how it all came together since the beginning, like there were always hints and words of it and they fall together so elegantly. the pacing, the eloquence, everything has been so well put together.

her problems are so relatable…like i get that feeling when you question your calibre, your career choice and everything you’ve ever done. the inner conflict about your cv and if it’s even acceptable, unique, extraordinary? the world is so fast paced and theres only so much we can do,. it’s been refreshing to read about a character who does express their vulnerability regarding their career. i personally think we lack that substance nowadays. even in published paperbacks.

im screaming that i could make an impact on you with my words, because your words definitely made a huge impact on me. they’ve not only refreshed me, but also inspired me, i obviously cannot write a story this well, but i can write poems, i’ve done that most of my lives. i struggle with keeping up with the pacing in stories tbh. and dialogues. (and insecurities)

i’m keeping your fic in my favourite reads ever!

🫶💌

hi dear aaa im not sure if the reblog went through for me so im glad you sent the ask!!

ouu your analysis of gojo’s emotional wellbeing has me tearing up 😭 i think it’s sad too how he struggles to open up quite yet and im sure it feels like two steps forward one step back w reader so far, but im hoping that w more scenes reader can show him she’s trustworthy and can be someone there for him ☺️💕 its going to be a joy to build more of their connection. i’m suuuuper excited for gojo’s last pov chapter which i wont spoil which chap it’ll be but im alr so curious how you will receive it dear reader given how deeply youve given his character thought 🫶🏼💕

haha i LOOOVE the wildest dream ref n just all the ts refs in generaaaal i listen to folklore/evermore when i write each chap <3 and thank you it’s so flattering that you could pick up that energy btwn them in the writing i was rly hoping i could capture it 🥺

and yesss i really resonate with that! i think ive read a lot of works that do have aspects of career and romance but for kickoff im really trying to marry the two :) both w gojo grappling w his focus on soccer due to his father’s legacy rather than his focus on the more “important” things in life such as love n happiness (which his father only rly learned after he couldn’t play the sport anymore), but also in reader who holds on very tightly to her dreams & has only had them in mind since the beginning (her “terms & condition” from gojo) but she’s struggling in dealing w her fears of failure. i think that the two of them have valuable insight that they could offer each other and help them trust one another more bc of these two situations theyre in :) and could build to a more healthy and genuine romance

and yesss to all of the career doubts and wondering if you’re good enough 😭 thats something so universal and also something i genuinely wonder if it will ever go away

THANK YOU AGAIN SM FOR YOUR WORDS I HAVE SM FUN TALKING AB KICKOFF W YOU omg its got me out here emotionallll. that’s so lovely you write poems my dear i could TELL honestly haha you have such a breathtaking way w words n deliberation

also i’ll respond to your reblog of the writing tips post here but you are so very welcome im really rooting for you and awaiting your tag <33

so much love 💕

[evansbby]

wg3 was SOOOO GOOD😩 definitely worth the wait and i read the entire fic in one sitting !!! i also wanted to answer the questions you left at the end🥰 i took this so seriously like a discussion board for uni😭

i'm leaning more towards team ari since he broke up w sharon but i'm honestly team kira🥺 she seems so sweet and seems like she needs a good friend and ik in my heart that reader is a girls girl

i think steve threw a tantrum bcz reader wasn't letting him hit and he only saw her as a way to get back at ari for something and was mad that she was rejecting his advances OR he has serious anger problems and ari was genuinely looking out for reader when he said steve is bad news

i hate wanda 😒 she's a bad friend who only cares abt her boytoy and i'm betting she was the one that reader heard snicker when she got hit by the basketball

i have a feeling ari or someone on the basketball team did something to kira while she was at st. andrews... i have no idea what and i hope it's not something too bad but i feel like there are layers to their hatred for each other and kira's nervous demeanor toward a stranger (reader) and how she dropped out because of a specific person obviously implies she was bullied or worse

THANK YOU SOOO MUCH BESTIE! I was scared people would think it wasn’t worth the wait but I’m happy that you liked it!! 🥹🩷

1. Kira really is the sweetest 🥹 I mean, we don’t know much about her yet but I think many people, including you, have started making theories which I looove! And hehehe I think everyone is leaning towards Team Ari now (which I was lowkey surprised about!)

2. Hmm, interesting theories! Although idk if it had to do with reader not letting him hit… I think Steve’s mood was already off even before that 🤔

3. LMFAOOO I LOVE THAT YALL PICKED UP ON THE SNICKER BAHAHAHA I ADDED THAT IN LAST MINUTE WHEN I WAS EDITING! Wanda was a terrible friend in this chapter 😔😔 I wonder if she’ll improve or only get worse??

4. INTERESTING VERY INTERESTING MWAHAHAHA BUT I CANNOT CONFIRM OR DENY 🥹🥹🥹

[jellycubecorner]

Rowan AU (breakup scene)

My cruel little raven. How I love you so… I hold her tight against me and kiss her forehead, I’d love to stay like this forever, feeling the warmth of of cold hearted love. I can’t help but feel that I’ve clipped your wings… your cynical humor and quick wit, it’s too much to take in all at once. I feel her caressing me and cuddling closer, I can’t help but feel more guilty. Am I really making the right choice? Just look at the way HE looks at her… The more I get to know Tyler the more I regret meeting him. He gets her more than I do, it’s like they have this hidden connection that I can’t help but feel that I’m getting in the way of. He never meant to hurt anyone, the dude genuinely is really nice and has no intentions on ever making a move on her, gosh I hate him more for that, if he was some obnoxious jerk like Xavier I’d gladly screw him off… dude’s too likeable tho. I hold Wednesdays face so I can get a good look at those piercing obsidian eyes, perhaps for the last time. Those very same eyes I fell for after that weak attempt at beating Bianca at fencing, she’s like the embodiment of a poem, so intricate and beautiful, drowned in tempting mystery. “Rowan, what’s wrong?” she can read my like a book, I take a minute to think, is this REALLY the right choice. “Wednesday… idk how to say this but-“ “you want to break up…” “NO- I mean yes- I mean no I don’t want to but- aghhh this is so hard to explain” she simply stares at me while I collect myself. This better be the right choice… “Wednesday, you know I love you and I’d never want to hurt you, which is why… why we should just stay friends… I love you so much, an embarassing amount really heh-“ this is pathetic… “I just think you deserve someone who really gets you, I just don’t think I could live up to that, and I want the best for you in life, I want you to be happy and if that means we just stay friends then I’m willing to do that, I love you so much but I’d hate myself if I let my own desires get in the way of yours” She stared at me longer, then she turned around. damnit DAMNIT! Did I really mess up that badly, the last thing I’d want is to lose her forever. Or maybe she was just looking for ways to hide my body after she let out her rage?? Either way I probably hurt her… damnit!!! I heard a sniffle, she was clearly crying. Wednesday was still new to sadness, she’s gotten better about being supportive and open, in her kooky way ofc, but our late night talks made it clear that tears still made her feel weak. I stepped closer and hesitated but found myself hugging and comforting her, is it wrong that I wanted to kiss her and hold her forever. The last thing I wanted right now was for us to end, but… I’m not the one. We were just a mismatched pair, and I’d like to think that since Wednesday hadn’t killed me yet, she saw some truth in that too. “Wednesday” she turned to look at me “listen I love you so so much, and I’d completely understand if you didn’t want to um… see each other after this, but please try to consider staying friends, I’d love to be there with you when you find the guy who’ll love all your kookiness.” We both let out a small chuckle, I could tell she was holding back arguing with me, that she’d likely give me every excuse of why we should stay together, we were both stubborn and I loved that about her at times. There was also a sense of understanding in those teary eyes. “Can you stay with me til I feel better? Just for today””Of course Wednesday”.

[gianna-palazzolo]

BASIC INFORMATION:

Name: Giovanna Palazzolo. 

Nickname: Gianna to most. Gigi to her family and close friends. 

Birthday: July 24th.

Age: 32.

Gender: Female.

Place of Birth: London, United Kingdom.

Places Lived Since: Hereford, United Kingdom.

Current Residence: Camden, London, United Kingdom.

Nationality: British.

Parents: María Morelli (mother, originally from Naples), Giancarlo Palazzolo (father, originally from Agrigento)

Aunts & Uncles: Emilio Morelli (maternal uncle) 

Number of Siblings: Nine. Five brothers: Carlo, Marcello, Francesco, Roberto and Antonio. Four sisters: Chiara, Sofia, Laura and Caterina. Gianna is five out of ten, and was the first of her siblings to be born in London instead of Sicily. (For my reference, the order: Chiara, Carlo, Marcello, Francesco (dad’s prison time gap) Giovanna, Roberto, Sofia, Laura, Caterina, Antonio.)

Relationship With Family: Very good. Even though they sort of encouraged her to leave at an early age (hence her signing up for the army at sixteen) she never begrudged her parents that. There were a lot of kids living under the same roof, and it wasn’t always easy for them. They never went without love, but they sure went without a few luxuries that her friends at the time had, and whilst it might’ve been hard to deal with back then, she definitely looks back on her childhood now knowing how lucky she was to have what she did. She’ll take seeing her parents in a happy, loving marriage, spending as much time with their kids as possible over it all being substituted with material things... Gianna definitely prefers what she had. Was close to her father, in particular, and that remains the case to this day. There are ten siblings all together, and whilst she’s naturally closer to some than others, family is hugely important to all of them. There are no rifts, there’s no drama, no estranged siblings. They genuinely all get along when it matters (arguments and disagreements are always sorted quickly) and she’s fully aware she’s lucky to have that. All of the sisters are equally close, one hundred per cent inseparable no matter how far life takes them from each other, but of her brothers, the eldest, Carlo, is her absolute rock. Loves him to fucking death, and he’s for sure her best friend in the world. Marcello and Francesco have since moved back to Sicily to work for the Cosa Nostra, so she’s sees them the least. Doesn’t hold it against them, though. They’re still always there when it counts.

Happiest Memory: The trips they’d take to see her paternal grandparents in Sicily as a kid. They were few and far between because getting them all over there was a logistical nightmare, but she still visits whenever she can to relive those moments where her family was free of London for just a little while. Gianna loves London, and being British, but there’s always a part of her heart in Italy, for sure. They try to all get over there once a year, together, as a family, and apart from the times where work kept her away, they usually manage it. Her happiest memories will be her happiest yet to come, too.

Childhood Trauma: Not really. Though I’m sure finding out her family moved to London after her father did prison time for the mafia was an...unusual pill to swallow. He was very honest about it, though, and she appreciates that.

PHYSICAL:

Height: 5'11”

Weight: 140lbs.

Build: I mean. She’s built enough that you might question trying to fight her idk. Not insta fitness model style muscle mass but enough of it to get some looks at the gym. The abs, man. She works hard on those abs.

Hair Color: Brown.

Usual Hair Style: She wears it up in a ponytail specifically so she doesn’t have to do anything to it. Gianna cut her hair into a short bob whilst she was in the army, and was pretty excited to grow it out once she left, until she remembered that requires actual work to maintain. So yeah, usually up, because she’s lazy.

Eye Color: Dark brown.

Glasses? Contacts?: Neither.

Style of Dress/Typical Outfit(s): Big Gianna vibes here. Usually just blends in. Nothing too in your face, because she’s used to trying not to attract attention. 

Typical Style of Shoes: Flats. Anything as long as they’re flat. Can she walk in heels? Absolutely. Does she ever want to? No.

Jewellery? Tattoos? Piercings?: Wears a gold St. Christopher medal that her Nonna gave her at all times. Has three tattoos. One of Mary on her right forearm which can be found here. All of the Palazzolo sisters got matching ‘sorella’ tattoos, in different fonts, on their left arms, which can be found here. (Gianna’s is the middle one, pretend there are two others okay.) Had to get an underboob tat because she can, and it reads ‘be beautiful in your own way’ and can be found here. 

Scars: Many. Most that she will never discuss. 

Unique Mannerisms/Physical Habits: None.

Athleticism: Very high. Marathon level runner. Sure not afraid of weight training at the gym, either, and could undoubtedly give some of the guys a run for their money. Keeping fit is a big part of her lifestyle because it’s pretty engrained into you in the military. Especially if you’re going to make it through SAS selection; she really went overboard on the being fit thing because it was the one variable she could really control. I think she had ideas about having a more laid back approach to it when she left, but it didn’t work out that way. It’s something she enjoys. Too much of a habit to shake. Actively trains in both boxing and Muay Thai. Loves playing football almost as much as watching it. 

Health Problems/Illnesses: Eh, she went through some pretty heavy shit whilst she was in the SAS, not going to lie. I imagine there’s a little PTSD going on, but nothing bad enough that she’s willing to confront it. Yet, anyway. Nothing physical, though. 

INTELLECT:

Level of Education: Rudimentary secondary school education. Signed up to the army before she ever got to sixth form to take her A-Levels. Look, she’s not super smart, but she’s not unintelligent, either. School just wasn’t for her. 

Languages Spoken: Italian and English natively. Spanish fluently. Intermediate French. Enough Russian to get by if she’s thrown into a conversation with one. God forbid.

Level of Self-Esteem: Healthy. I wouldn’t say she’s arrogant, but confident. Doesn’t beat down on herself like a lot of people. 

Gifts/Talents: Not really, as much as she wishes she did. Maybe if she’d had one, she wouldn’t have ended up in the military...

Mathematical?: Eh. Sort of, if she needs to be.

Makes Decisions Based Mostly On Emotions, or On Logic?: Logic. 

Life Philosophy: Family first.

Religious Stance: Roman Catholic. Though certainly not as staunchly as some of her family is, much to the disappointment of her mother. 

Cautious or Daring?: Daring. It’s in the motto...

Most Sensitive About/Vulnerable To: Oh, her family, without a doubt. If anything were to ever happen to them, she’d lose her mind. Apart from that, I don’t really think she’s sensitive to much at all?

Optimist or Pessimist?: Pessimist. Hard not to be in her shoes.

Extrovert or Introvert?: Mid-ground.

RELATIONSHIPS:

Current Relationship Status: Single.

Sexual Orientation: Heterosexual.

Past Relationships: Nothing with any real longevity until Jasper Menzies. They’d pretty much planned a life together until he decided, out of nowhere, that cheating on her with Lara Rutherford whilst she was deployed was a good enough reason to throw that all away. Broke her heart, honestly. She really did love him, in spite of the absolutely glaring differences in their starts in life.

Primary Reason For Being Broken Up With: I think career first was a problem for a lot of people who tried to date her. They didn’t like being second priority, which is fair enough. Gianna doesn’t blame them for that.

Primary Reasons For Breaking Up With People: Honestly, she can be kind of fussy. If the vibe isn’t there, she won’t stick around and waste her time. 

Ever Cheated?: No.

Been Cheated On: Yes. 

A Social Person?: Somewhere in the middle. Though she’s not introverted by any means, and is definitely comfortable around people. she also needs time to wind down. Some of her work took her away from her friends and family for extended periods of time. And then, sometimes as part of those deployments, for weeks on end, she’d only see the same handful of people. Gianna likes to be social, but she’s learnt to cope without. I think she’d changed a little since coming home.

Most Comfortable Around: Her family. Her former SAS squad. That’s it. Everyone else, thus far, she still has a little guard up.

Oldest Friend: Doesn’t really keep in touch with anyone pre-military. Hasn’t spoken to anyone from her school years since she left. Has a couple of girls she went through basic with that she still stays in touch with, though. 

How Does She Think Others Perceive Her?: I cannot tell you how much she doesn’t care enough to put any thought into this.

How Do Others Actually Perceive Her?: Not a clue. I guess she’s a bit of a difficult one to figure out because she doesn’t really share much. Gianna tries to be a nice person, though, so I don’t think people would view her negatively.

SECRETS:

Life Goals: Eh, she’s working on that. Doesn’t really know what the fuck she’s doing right now, because she’s still trying to transition back to (sort of?) normal life. For a really long time, her entire life was focused around succeeding in her career, and now that it’s gone, I guess she’s trying to find something else to focus on.

Dreams: Retiring to a vineyard in Sicily. That’s the whole dream. 

Greatest Fears: Gianna certainly fears failure, and that might be the only thing she’s ‘sensitive’ to apart from her family. Any of them getting hurt is a major fear, too, of course, but that goes without saying. 

Most Ashamed Of: Nothing. Genuinely. Gianna tries to live her life avoiding regret, because you can’t change the past. There’s no point dwelling on it. I think she’d prefer to focus on doing better than being ashamed, even if there was something that would meet that mark. Maybe crying over Jasper, because he’s trash af.

Secret Hobbies: Not being interesting.

Crimes Committed (Was she caught? Charged?): Hahaha. Is it illegal if you’re doing it for the government? No, then. I guess there’s plenty of time as she explores her work for the Sovrani to make up for that, though. 

DETAILS/QUIRKS:

Night Owl or Early Bird?: Early bird.

Light or Heavy Sleeper?: Somewhere in the middle. Leaning toward light.

Favorite Animal: Ferrets. They’re fucking chaotic and she loves it.

Favorite Foods: Sfogliatelle. Anything with Nutella on it ever. Sweet stuff, generally. Also seafood. All the seafood ever to have existed.

Least Favorite Food: Pesto. Worst Italian ever.

Favorite Book: The Foundation series by Asimov.

Favorite Movie: The Matrix.

Favorite Song: Time of the Season - The Zombies. 

Favorite Sport: Football! This girl supports Roma like no other.

Coffee or Tea?: Coffee. Espresso with one sugar.

Crunchy or Smooth Peanut Butter?: Neither. 

Type of Car She Drives: Driving? In London? Pass.

Lefty or Righty?: Righty.

Favorite Color: Pink.

Cusser?: Not often. Gianna prefers not to, but sometimes they slip out if she’s particularly mad or upset with somebody. Never around her parents, though. That’ll earn a good clip around the ear. 

Smoker? Drinker? Drug User?: No to smoking. Drinks very regularly, in true British fashion. Never used any drugs, and never will, grazie.

Biggest Regret: Answering this question earlier.

Pets: Three moon jellyfish that she never actually named because she can’t pretend to tell the difference between them. But she loves them, though. Adores them. Never really had pets whilst she was in the army because of how long she had to be away from home at a time, but I think she’d like a dog one day if she can ever afford her own place. It might be a nice change for her, and she had one growing up.