#idk what I'm saying it's been a long day and it's only a quarter to 2

[kindahoping4forever]

Ash with Jordan Greenwald on IG

[callsigns-haze]

Style

Pairing: Jake 'Hangman' Seresin x Y/n 'Haze' Mitchell

Word count: 2.1k

Summary: Y/N and Jake don't hate each other as much anymore…maybe it's time for a date......

Based of the song: Lavender Haze by Taylor Swift

Warnings: Fluff, idk maybe cursing, sexual theme

Part 1 / Part 2/ Part 3

THIS IS NOT PROOF READ SO A LOT OF SPELLING MISTAKES!

I used the script for the Rookie phone call for the call!

Work.

You hated it. Especially if you've been here since 4 in the morning and it's only getting started.

The days till you have to put in the reports on the daggers were coming closer each minute.

It was torture. You didn't mind the whole flying part of your job; you loved it over the moon but the paperwork. Not just any ordinary paperwork. Jake's.

What were you supposed to write. That he's an arrogant, cocky, handsome devil that you'd let him fuck you into next month's Sunday. Yeah, that's definitely off the table.

You haven't seen him since the teasing game of pool and the watch. His watch. It lies on your nightstand. Every single morning you wake up and check the time on his watch.

You have a phone right beside you. Two centimeters away from your hand but because it's his… That's why you use it.

Days like this are slow. Probably the slowest in existence. You're buried in piles of paperwork and files.

Right now you're working on Paybacks. His abilities are top notch and his biggest priority besides the mission's aim is to get his WSO home, to him that's more important than himself.

You're about to fall asleep while there's a loud but sudden knock on the office door.

"It's open," you say waked, straightening your uniform quickly and elegantly sitting back into the chair.

"Well hello, angel," that Texan accent you could recognize from miles away. In his voice there's still some of that morning rasp. It's only quarter to 9 but for you it's like 6 in the evening.

"Hangman," you say closing over the opened file book and leaning further back into the black leather chair as Jake takes a seat in one of two empty chairs at the other side of the table.

"You say that with such disappointment and disgrace, I seen the way your eyes lit up when my presence entered," he smirks, his tone is more smooth now, more awake, happy, illuminated.

"I'd be happy if a rodent came in here at this point, but I see that one just entered," you smirk.

"Oh you little bitch, daddy thought you no manners?" He says cocking his head to the side, that smirk of his own coming onto his face.

"I'm working on your file right now, Bagman. Wanna call me a bitch again?" You say getting up, placing the file book onto a shelf and bring a stack of papers with it.

"You know I mean a bitch as a good thing, right? Like a compliment!" Ridiculous that's what he is and you can't help but smile at this. He never changed and never will. He's a Seresin after all.

"Nice try. Now what do you need?"

"You."

"What?" You squeak out, turning around from the shelf to see the crossed legged devil himself looking up at you.

He gets up which causes you to take a step back, your back hitting off the shelf making yourself cornered as he moves forward and holds out his arm onto the side of the shelf and leans into you.

"Since you're about to end our little check-in and might move to another station, I wanna take you on a date," he says, those green eyes in line with yours, height difference non existing to him.

He caught you wayyyyyyyyyyy of guard. Jakob Thomas " Hangman " Seresin the second just asked you out and you're too stunned to answer.

Wow. You weren't expecting this, today or even ever.

"Shit, sorry if I came on too strong there. I had a while entire plan and everything but I just haven't been able to spend time with you for so long and in always wanted to take you out bu-" you cut him off with placing your finger on his lip making him look down at you but all you do is smile.

He gently grabs your wrist and removes your finger if those delicate, rosy lips of his and he continues.

"It's just ever since I saw your dad at the Hard Deck, for some reason I thought you'd be with him. I know that's ridiculous, your not a child anymore but I just wanted to see you again, talk maybe, I don't know," he says which makes you beam even more.

He just told you that you were on his mind after all this time. Even before you came back to top gun. You were on his mind. Now that's just pure wow.

"If you really wanted to talk with me so bad, you could've asked my dad for my new number," you place your hand on his cheek, the heat of your palm against those calmed features feels right.

"I know but I wanted to see you in person," he admits, leaning in forward, distance barely exists anymore. You can feel his breath against you and those lips were so close. With just a lean they could be against yours.

"Well cowboy, take me out on your date then."

"Free tonight?"

"Tonight"

--------------

"So..." Javy wiggled his eyebrows. "Tonight's the big date night, right? Are you hyped?"

"Yeah." He tried to say it confidently but the crack in his voice sold him out. He sighed and slouched his shoulders. "I'm nervous."

"Why? It's not like you guys haven't gone out before."

"It's not the date I'm nervous about..." he admitted. "It's what could happen when we get back."

"Oh?" Javy responded with a suggestive tone and an eyebrow raised. "Since when is that something you worry about? I know it's been a while but we were roommates at one point. I'm well aware that you have plenty of experience. And it's not like you've never done it with her before."

"Jesus Javy"

"Well then my advice would just be to go for it and whatever happens, happens. I'm sure it's been a while for her too. She's probably just as nervous. Just enjoy each other; you guys have been waiting too long for this just to let some dumb nerves get in the way."

"I guess you're right," Jake sighed.

------------

You dug up half your wardrobe not finding anything to wear. Every outfit just doesn't seem right. With another sigh you keep digging through more clothes as your phone rings.

"Hi. I'm almost there."

"No. No... No, you're not."

"No, I'm not. Sorry. Um, are you?"

"No! Uh... Does this restaurant have a dress code?"

"Uh... no. I mean, you could wear cargo shorts if you wanted."

"Really?"

"Yeah. I mean, what does it matter, as long as you're comfortable?"

"Nice try. That was clearly a test. ( Laughs ) And you should know better than to test the master."

( Scoffs ) "What are you wearing?"

"Yeah, um, I don't know yet, but I do have a lot of outfits that I am not going to wear, so... Well, we are running low on time."

"Traffic's getting ugly."

"Yeah, totally. I... It's silly. I just need to make a decision..... Uh, yes. The green dress. It is decided."

"Great. Well, I-I'll see you soon."

"Okay. Bye."

'No. Oh, my God.' definitely not the green dress.

--------------

"You look beautiful," he says as you both are enjoying your meals. He looks handsome, with the hair slipped back and white t-shirt.

"And you look equally as handsome," you say taking a sip of the red wine you were served. The professional man is gone and instead it is the eyes of one who loves deeply. If it were anyone else you would drop your gaze, but with him you're drawn in closer, always wanting more. Then he says the words you need to hear, "We're ok, you and me. Okay?" You just nod, taking in every moment for your memory, knowing it is the medication you need to survive the next few days. In all the world there isn't another like him, or you for that matter; you are two souls who feel like once upon another reality we were soul mates, eternal flames. "Why did it take you so long to ask me out?" you ask, catching him way off guard.

"What?" He did not expect you to ask that, not now not ever. He's shocked that you did ask about it.

"Oh Jakob, from the moment I walked into the hard deck I knew that you wanted to fuck me."

"I did not." He held his hands up to his chest like a sign of fake offence.

"You sure did!"

"Haze, I did not." He says moving closer to you in the booth you sit in and the distance between the two of nearly doesn't exist. "Well I think you definitely did," you say as you feel his breath on you and still continue to annoy him.

You're trying to be indifferent. It doesn't do to let someone with an ego like his know how much power he has. You don't lean in, don't make it easy or seem too keen. Then he brushes your hair back from your shoulder and moves in so close you can feel his lean body pressed up against you. You feel his warmth and already your mind has placed your lips together.

But instead he leans in to caress your neck, slow and gentle. He's making you wait and you can hardly bare it. You want his lips now, you want his kisses. Then he cups your face in his hands and gives you what he knows you want.

His kiss is not at all the same as those movie stars, but one steeped in a passion that ignites. It is the promise of realness, of the primal desire that lives in us all. And with it he tells me that he is awake, connected within, that he embraces himself rather than hide as a copy of those romantic idols.

"That was wow," you say subconsciously as he smirks, putting a loose strand of hair behind your ear. He's such a gentleman and he's doing everything to make you fall for him more.

"It sure was," he says smirking leaning in for another kiss but your phone ringing interrupts.

"It's nothing." You say looking down at your phone as he takes his hand off your cheek.

"You sure?" he ask with a look that tells you he doesn't mind if you answer or not. He always didn't mind things like this, he always approved.

"I'm sure," you say leaning in kissing him again. You both forget the people around you, each consumed in the other.  A small smile spreads over his lips and his face comes closer to yours slowly.  His nose nudges yours gently making you giggle and his smile widens before he finally presses his lips to yours tenderly.  His hands hold you close, your chests pressing together and keeping you warm as he kisses you slowly and tenderly, wanting to savor the moment.

"I'll get the bill and we'll leave," he says, feeling like the two of you are done in the restaurant for the night.

"Nah-ah, I'm paying," you say reaching into your wallet but he gently grabs your wrist.

"I wouldn't be a gentlemen if I let you pay," he says lifting your gaze and smirks.

"Jake, you're forgetting I know you. You're far from a gentlemen. And I never let people pay for me on the first date," you say getting up and getting out of the booth the two of you sat in.

"What about on the second date?" He asks cheekily.

"Who said anything about a second date?" You answer sheepishly.

--------------

"You know I loved tonight," you say as the two of you stand in front of your apartment.

"I loved tonight to," He says smiling down on you.

"Jake..."

"Mhhmmmm?"

"I'm so sorry for all the pain I've caused you. You probably don't want to talk about it, but...After that night with everything going on, I felt so dead in the inside because I knew already how bad I hurt you. I didn't expect for you to forgive me and I guess I felt even worse when you did. I blamed everyone and everything, but myself and for that I'm truly sorry. I wont ever in life do it again. I also know that my promises haven't been very credible, but if I ever hurt you like this again-I want you to never come back to me, okay?" you asks, he bending down to kiss your forehead. He nod his head. He couldn't help, but feel touched by this. You finally opened up to that night. He finally got a look into your head.

"Angel, whatever happens in between us, I'm never letting you go again okay."

"Okay..."

A/n: And this is the fourth post for Haze and Hangman! Please reblog this post and give them love! Please tell me if you want to be added to the taglist and follow this blog since we're only getting started!

Tagging some friends:

@callsign-magnolia

@shanimallina87

@callsign-dexter

@rosiahills22

@horseslovers2016

@djs8891

@hookslove1592

@emma8895eb

@hardballoonlove

@kmc1989

@dempy

[ladystardust-thinks]

you are in love - t.e.

taron egerton x fem!reader, fluff

request:

Hi hiii! Can I request a fluffly imagine w Taron Egerton where he's simping over the reader during an interview? Thank youu have a nice day!!!

a/n: Aloha! I'm scared of this fic not getting seen by the anon that requested it bc I thought I had kept another ask by them, were they talked about it being neutral, if possible, but turns out I deleted it (😭) so now I don't know if they see it. IF YOU DO PLS SEND ME AN ASK SAYING YOU SAW IT, I AM BEGING. Btw inspired by you are in love by taylor swift, I thought that was obvious though, kinda want to do a part 2 where you keep his shirt and he keeps his word, but it's just an idea

tags/warnings: not proofread at all, wrote it half-drunk idk if it's obvious lmao, language, mention of reader's hair, taron & reader swooning and dying and being obsessed with eachother, she/her pronouns, drinking, casual love confession, third and first person pov, i think that's all.

word count: no word count bc I was bored, but it's pretty long ig

dividers

"I think being unofficially adopted by Elton was inevitable on set. We've just recognised that only one could be the favourite."

She nods slowly and a grin forms on her face. Taron can't form more of a smile. His cheeks were in pain. Three minutes into the interview and still, not able to answer a question. That's a lie, actually. He could answer a lot of questions. What her favourite song is, the amount of summer fruit she eats in wintertime just because they look cute, the color her eyes have when she sits in front of the sun, every tiny little thing, but that'd be useless in a press tour.

His favourite questions though would be the ones he asked her. The ones about music. How much she relates to Vienna, the guitar solo from Killer Queen, what does she think of the cowboy like me lyrics. Anything she could talk about for hours, he could listen to for hours.

"My back hurts." She whispers to him during the commercial break he didn't realize they were in. "What?"

"My back hurts from carrying this interview. Say something. Otherwise I'm going to die the day Jimmy Fallon makes an interesting conversation point." She whisper-shouts and him.

"I mean it's pretty hard to be hated when you don't have a personality, isn't it?"

He shrugs and smiles at her.

"I feel bad, we're sitting here gossiping about our host. But yeah. True."

She giggles thinking of his joke again. He looks at her as he is trying to keep his smile from exploding. As if he'd laugh with all his teeth if he let go. He's looking at every part of her, his eyes following the curves of her hair, her cheeks with their smile lines, because of her wide beams throughout the years. His eyes going all over her, as if he was scanning her, as if he'd been memorising every little one of her characteristics.

"What's wrong with you today, did I turn into a ghost?" She asks him, smiling.

"What?" He laughs slightly.

"You look at me all the time with that dead fish face. As if you're constantly wondering about something."

"I wonder about a lot of things, I'm a very philosophical man."

"I'm pretty sure that's how Freud's mommy issues started."

"Stop it."

"You stop it."

"Stop what?"

"Being so distracted."

"Only when you stop being so distracting."

"I know, I'm gorgeous but get your shit together."

"You are." He turns to look at her and smiles.

Stunned, she pauses a bit, pursing her lips together. As if she wasn't expecting the compliment. As if he didn't look captivated by every little move she made, the fidgeting of her hands or the twitch of her nose when she was confused. She also turns to look at him.

"Thank you." She lets out a breathy laugh.

"You don't look half bad. Actually, no. You don't look quarter bad! I don't even know if that makes sense, but it felt nice to say." She feels something newfound. Something hopeful and surprising all together. She wondered if he could see it in her eyes, though she hoped he couldn't because it felt vulnerable. She wasn't at ease, she was just delighted enough to only fly right over her safety net. Just in case.

***

As a person I have a lot of qualities, whether people would argue if they're good or bad, I did and they were a lot. Sadly, being patient is not one of them. I have to be distracted from everything at anytime and be constantly stimulated. Sitting down on a makeup and hair chair to be Laura's laboratory animal was one of these activities. One that could bore me very easily, but I also loves doing. It makes her happy to try new things and it makes me happy to see it.

Scrolling on tiktok, I land on a clip from last night's interview, with Taron.

'Currently needing someone to look at me like Taron Egerton looks at his co-stars',

read the caption.

"You're a lucky ass girl." Laura howls seeing my screen from over my head.

I look up and grimace at her.

"You're invading my personal space."

"You are my best friend, I've been invading your personal space since we were 20 and you were crying in the bathroom of a bar because the little umbrellas the cocktails had were 'just too cute'. Get over yourself, he's as cute as the umbrellas, you were thinking it, I said it."

"I- Touché."

Is he?

I mean he's really nice and you'd probably call him charming. And he hears me, which not a lot of people do - including me - anytime i ramble on about... anything.

You could call him cute, yes. He can be funny aswell. It might be the british-ness, I'm not sure. Though, I do enjoy spending time with him.

He's also nice to look at. That sounds weird. He is objectively, and only objectively, really attractive.

"Laura." I say sternly and look up at her through the mirror.

"Mhm..." She's so nonchalant about this. I need some sympathy here!

"You think?" My eyebrows furrow and I tilt my head. I belive I was denying my thoughts more than I was questioning them.

"If you don't, I will. I guarantee you though, I won't be as successful." Her grin makes me frown in thought. At least this is going to be an interesting press tour, isn't it?

***

"I can't say something like that, she'd kill me."

"You smile like an idiot when she talks to you. If she were to kill you she would've already."

"I- I don't think I would mind. I mean, it's from her hands, at least I'd die a happy man."

Richard squints his eyes. "Yes... And you still can't find a way to say that. Uh-huh."

The backstage for their interview had an air, heavier than it needs to be for Taron to process. Variety interview, press event, after-party. That was the schedule for the day, as of 5 minutes prior. Five minutes, in which he felt actually, relaxed. All until we had to shove a 'Confess your immortal passionate love to your co-star (bonus points if she doesn't hate you)' in the To-Do list. Taron thought Richard might, could, maybe, possibly, ever in a million years, be a bit of help.

But he wasn't, he was just being a dick about it, no pun intended. 'Yeah, you're smitten mate.' as if he didn't know that! He didn't need a doctor's diagnosis to tell him he was absolutely and utterly in love. What were the possibilities he wouldn't be? How could anyone not be? He hadn't ever met a more genuine and caring and generous and sweet person in Hollywood. No, fuck Hollywood, his life.

***

Entering the venue hurt him physically. At least that's what it felt like. You cannot judge him, if you had her waving at you from across the room with this wide smile you would've understood. He purses his lips into an upside-down smile he couldn't hold, he would never want to disappoint her like this, but he couldn't wave back of course. He thought he'd faint any moment if he moved. Right, fun. What was he supposed to do, ignore her? Avoid her? That might aswell hurt more. His breath hitched when she began walking over to him. What was wrong with him? He is a confident grown ass man, why does she make him act like that, how does she manage that? Why can she walk in and make the room shine? Why is she so genuinely funny and interesting? How can she be so talented, but at the same time so understanding of others. If it wasn't her Taron wanted to confess to, he'd ask her for advice.

"Thank god you're here! The music is boring, the food is bland and the people are so rich I can't even comprehend if they're talking about their yacht, their Oscar or their villa."

She clearly wasn't doing any better. "Need saving?" he teases and she finds herself chuckling. That's a sweet thought. A nice way to put it. Need a knight to save her from the absolute dread of boredom.

"Yes, Romeo."

"Romeo? I'm flattered."

"You shouldn't be, you die."

"I die in love."

"You die heartbroken, have you read it?"

"Under love's heavy burden do I sink."

"Very well delivered, congratulations."

"Thank you very much."

She smiles and sighes, he's so stupid, it's kind of adorable. What's even more stupid is how stupid he makes her feel. She feels like a fool when she can't come up with a sarcastic comment. She feels like a fool when she notices looking at her and can't even whisper, if ever utter a word. She just smiles. It's annoying.

"Well Romeo and Juliet is pretty fitting, considering you look like you just escaped straight out of some fairytale." He had to gather all his courage and make this compliment, but at least she liked it. No, she loved it. She adored it. It was so adorable, it was so nice. It's a compliment you see being said in books and movies. Made her feel gorgeous, like she was the only one in the room.

"I- Romeo and- Sorry. Romeo and Juliet is a tragedy, not a fairytale." She wasn't sure what else to say and what she did already was supposed to come out way more confident, it didn't. Obviously.

***

I’m not certain how we did so, but we ended up in the backyard of somebody, who knew somebody, who knew somebody who had cheap wine and a good taste in music, but we did. I had a drink in my hand and I was going off about something, but the conversation was changed soon enough. When Taron asked me, how the hell was I single. I looked at him. I squinted and sighed. "Why wouldn't I be? I mean I'm fun and pretty and famous, but who does commitment with a cat lady?! Who would want something long term? Pffft nobody."

I don't think I realised what I was whining on about until I heard him speak up. He said 'Me.' He really said me! It was so foolish, and I was so drunk, but he did say it.

"You."

"Me."

"You're funny."

"Only when I'm joking."

"Fuck. Would you?"

"Would I what?"

"No like, would you actually?"

"...Yeah. Yeah, probably.".

"That's- So you like me?"

"No, I don't think so."

"But-"

"I love you, I believe."

I was just looking at him. I could not function. I thought about the cost of being hospitalised for possible heart abnormalities and cardiac arrest. Saying me too seemed cheaper and more beneficial, so that was what I went with.

"Are you joking?" I let out a breathy laugh, thinking his concerns were ridiculous. "This whole time? Oh my god. I just wasted all this time."

"All this time of what?" He asks and I wonder, how could he not understand? It was so painfully obvious that I wanted him. I craved to hear his laugh and listen to him every day, 'til I would die.

"All this time of not being with you."

His mouth was left a bit agape, but I could see a smile being formed slowly. He just looked at me. With that stupid dead fish face he'd done at first. Laura's gonna love this.

"Could you do me a favour?" I look at him and chuckle.

"What is it?"

"Could you say it again?" I smile, tight lipped.

"I love you."

[sentientgopro]

Coming up on 3 months since cracking. It's still, like, a week away, but honestly, close enough and I wanna write this post now. Not much is gonna change in that time anyway.

The main thing I wanna note is like, the SIGNIFICANT mental changes. There is a name. I have never uttered that name out loud. Noone knows the name IRL. Noone has used that name for me online. Nothing.

...But If I, just quickly, imagine someone calling my name, or getting my attention, that's the name they're saying. If I quickly imagine someone referring to me in third person, I'm she.

And I think of these same things with my current name and it just doesn't quite feel right, or the same anymore.

People always talk about the infamous "I'm a girl" dreams. and I've started getting, like, 3 a week? Or atleast 3 where I'm, to some extent, trans. Like, even if I wasn't quite a girl yet, I had a dream that included picking up an estrogen prescription.

And all this, after 3 months, while deep closeted and unable to do anything about transitioning.

And, for my own sanity, I've had to find things to appreciate during this time. I can't spend the next year and a half avoiding acknowledging myself and what I look like. So I've atleast started to appreciate the little things. If I look closely at my eyes and ignore the rest of my face, I feel happy. idk, there's just something about my eyes in isolation that feel different to the rest of my face somehow, idk what it is but they feel more feminine, if that makes any sense.

And then there's my hair. Look, I have really short hair. Pretty average hair length for a guy. But my parents have been incredibly militant with keeping my hair very short for, well, as long as I can remember, until recently when my Dad abruptly asked if I wanted to grow it out (unbelievably convenient, he's transphobic and hss no idea about me. We take those I guess?)

But now, even the slightest bit longer hair feels great to me. Those little bits that grow down infront of your ears? Love it. Never had that be that long before. My hair ain't much, but its alot to me. And its only gonna get longer and longer, better and better.

And, look, this one sounds weird, but thighs. The way the fat squishes and flattens out when I sit down. I am a very skinny person, to the extent that my thighs are probably the fattest part of me relative to the body part. They aren't that thick, but relative to the rest of my body, it's enough to make me really happy. One time I was reading something about a lil deep-closet trick of wearing a long shirt and a shorter/ rolled up hoodie, and I kinda like it. Doing that, while sat down causing my thighs to squish slightly just looks so right.

(I was strongly debating whether to actually include this section. I doubt this would ever be the case, but just in case, don't be weird about it?)

I'm not gonna keep commenting on dysphoria increasing. I've kinda figured that's just par for the course. My general mood has decreased, I just don't feel good, but I'm not actually in that bad of a place mentally. I'm feeling optimistic, a solution to my problems is out there and I am gonna make it. It's already been a quarter of a year since cracking, that's no small amount of time relative to how long I have to wait. No matter how much I feel like shit about not being able to transition yet, it's better than when I didn't know what the problem was and thought I would just find myself ending it at some point. Now I know that isn't happening.

With each day, each little daydream, every time I imagine a scenario where I'm me, I get closer to actually being me. Physical is just a wait, but mental is a gradual process that is already well underway.

[saltygilmores]

Thoughts While Watching Gilmore Girls- Season 2, Episode 16, "There's The Rub", aka A Sheer Masterpiece of GilmoreDom, AKA The Gilmore Geller Mariano Trio, And Everything is Right With The World Until Forrester Shows Up, Part 4

I realized I’ve been spelling Dean's last name wrong all this time (it's only one R, not two) but I'm going to keep misspelling it on purpose because it's what he fucking deserves, frankly. You can find parts 1-3 and all other episodes I've recapped in my pinned post. Leggo.

All of the purest and most heartwarming episodes & scenes are the ones that take place outside of Shit's Hollow. Emily and Lorelai at the spa. The Bangles Concert. The time the Dragonfly Inn crew+ Rory and Emily went to a drag show. That time Lane and Rory went to Madelyn & Louise's party and Lane danced with Henry. Various scenes that take place at the mall. Rory's trip to New York City to see Jess (MY FAVORITE EPISODE). The time Jess, his uncle and his stepfather took him to see some naked mud wrestling (ah, family bonding).

It does not get any better than this, people. Let us all bask in this warm, peaceful glow, the smell of french fries, the sound of gentle literary debate, the absence of Dean, Lorelai and all of the other loudmouths of Shit's Hollow, who are safely (if temporarily) contained in secondary locations. *breathes in* Ahhhhhh.

Person: Hey ThoughtsWhileWatching, what day of the week is it? Me: Idk but I will never forget the weird way Milo held this can of salt

The fact that a friendship between Paris and Jess wasn't allowed to develop past this episode, in large part due to Dean Ruins Everything Forrester, was another one of AmyShermanPalladino's high crimes she needs to answer to. (and let's not even start on how a nice little friendship based on a shared interest in music could have formed with Lane but AmyShermanPalladino decided to make Lane salty at Jess for no reason until literally the last episode before he splits from Rory. I remember a scene in a later episode where Lane tries to run away to New York to meet up with her band but when she gets there she finds she's lost and in over her head I wanted her to get in contact with Jess so badly so she could have stayed with him or he could have helped her out. Speaking of salty.

He's so frigging cute, my heart hurts. Ow. The phone rings in the Gilly Girl household and this is one of the many times I wish I was still a GG virgin and didn't already know it was Dean the Serial Killer on the other end.

Someone who is already violating her boundaries by inviting himself over, knowing full well she wanted to spend the night alone, is totally going to double-super-duper respect-her-boundaries if she says no to this additional boundary violation. Asking her permission, that's rich. And Dean the Abuser totally won't triple violate her boundaries when he finds out her circumstances changed and she ended up spending her time with someone other than him. This is going to go just swell.

Oh god, she's still wearing the Quarter on a String and it's even uglier than I could have imagined! You can finally see it well in the harsh light of the Gilmore Kitchen. I still need an extreme closeup. D: I know you want to be alone but I just want to stop by for a minute and say hello. Actually, what I meant to say was, fuck you Rory, even though you told me repeatedly you wanted to be alone I'm coming over anyway because I'm an abusive piece of shit. R: But you just said hi.

R: But I look like a mess. I'm not pretty. You wouldn't recognize me. D: Fuck you I'm coming over.

Dean Forrester is a straight up horror movie villain or at the very least the villain in a bad Lifetime movie/cautionary tale about an abusive boyfriend. Gilmore Girls really is a 7 year long Lifetime movie. (for the youngn's, Lifetime Network was a tv network primarily targeting women, something akin to the current Hallmark channel, and although they had their share of wholesome movies like HC they also produced dozens of low budget movies about men who stalked and abused women) TWWGG's Memory: "Hey TWWGG, remember in 2020 when 4 years had passed since you had watched Gilmore Girls for the 1st time, and you wanted to watch it again during the pandemic, and halfway through the 1st season you said to your best friend, "boy howdy I'm glad Dean finally leaves after Jess and Rory start dating" and she said "I hate to tell you this but Dean is around untl the middle of season 5, and also Jess leaves at the end of season 3" and all the color drained from your face and your whole world crumbled to pieces?" TWGGG's Memory Replying to Her Memory: Yes. I remember.

This "Dean not taking no for an answer" is terribly frightening and disturbing. My skin just prickled. When you take into account the fear and sheer desperation in Rory's voice it gets even worse. I feel like I should be putting trigger warnings on these scenes or something?

But what? But why? FUCK YOU DEAN FORRESTER!!

Thats true, you're not ruining her night. You're ruining her life and you're ruining everything you touch. The sidewalk you're walking on doesn't even want your smelly shoes walking on it. You are Dean the Ruiner. You make this show unwatchable. I hate you. Look how proud of himself this motherfucker looks. "I just violated Rory's boundaries. I violated them so hard. I'm gonna barge into her house without her consent and yell at her in front of her friends. She’s gonna love me so much. I'm such a good Dean. Yeah." Dean's holding a bag of something that we're supposed to believe is a pint of ice cream. But this is Dean so it's probably a human head on ice and not ice cream. "Ice cream" is just serial killer lingo for "human remains."

[docilepillow]

2024 February Media Post Thingy : Featuring Movies Also

I've never really liked doing editing " do-overs". i think if this was like a normal year with no leaping ( As of starting this post a couple of minutes ago ( 4:51 PM ) , i only just learned that this year was a leap year? Just goes to show how little i pay attention..! But yea, on topic, on topic, i don't look back to edit these kind of thought pieces after i write them, it'd feel odd to do so, ,and january's post was a mile and a half to write , so, after finishing the Big Thing for this year, i'm starting the writing on this on the 28th so i dont have to finish it all in one sitting this time. I'm not sure when i'll drop or pick up on it, and its not like, done Live with the month, so the actual timeline of things won't be completely perfectly accurate, but anyways : the things covered here are in rough sequencial order, mostly focused around New Media i've tried this month, with an added blurb about anything ive revisited this year at the very end. I'll try to add a blurb about everything, but no guarentees. Also, i said i'd have more screenshots to share, but i forgot again. A significant number of games here were also on 3ds which i have no good way to get screenshots for. planning is hard This month was heavily characterized by the absolutely wonderful time i had for my birthday and the days surrounding it, because wow, am i in love with my boyfriend! after many, many months spent long distance, i'm extremely glad to say that the first few days of this month were absolutely heavenly, and i do absolutely "get" all the lovey dovey emotional stuff that surrounds it. While he was over, we got to watch a whole bunch of different movies and such, and most of the video game focus was directed towards one big game, being God Of War Ragnarok, which is an absolute behemoth of a triple a game and also one aattached to the very sentimental god of war that i've also shared with him in the past ( they're some of his favorite games of all time, and he's especially knowledge on Norse stuff, so it's cute to listen to him ramble about it whenever actual mythology stuff comes up. Its absolutely adorable the way his voice lights up..! ) So, you'd expect the first piece of media i got through this month would be God of War Ragnarok, after all the time i've spent hyping it up already, while it's still fresh in my mind as of typing, And i'm on a massive, sentimental tangent on it, But...! TRUMP VS ILLUMINATI < Least Romantic Movie I've Personally Made Out With Someone Over >

theres not all that much to say on this movie as the title'd show, actually, and, obviously, the movie's a complete joke, through and through ( the titular protagonist isn't even the real deal, he's just a clone of the guy who lives on mars for whatever reason as the last human alive (?) ); and it's so ameturishly put together that i'm almost certain the entire scripting process of it was put together by looking at the title of the movie and quipping in a discord call brainstorming for a couple of hours, but it's absolutely great for virgining couples beccause you'll want to watch the movie for a bit, a bit that's been going on for i want to say little over three quarters of a year, but then, when you actually get to watching, it, you'lll both decide unilaterally to make out sloppy style instead of watching the movie, wow!

by the way, most of the movie is just weird little stock models talking at each other for what i rememeber being 50 or so minutes. i dont tihnk this is a good movie buut i thought itd be funny to bring up because in a shirtless daze after watching it i had the mortifying realization that this shitty movie was gonna be on the top of my media diary if i chose to go through with it . so here it is ! ! ! CATS & DOGS < tulpa movie >

idk what to blurb about this movie i think its entertainment value comes from the varied" WHAT DOES THIS IMPLYYY " moments in the movie and how like

excessively silly it is im not sure if it was this movie in particular but i have a very specific anecdote of this movie as a child before my parents divorce where i was actually Forced to watch it for some reason with my dad and with an anecdote like that the only thing i can think to say about it is that i think i actually enjoyed it more then Wonka theres some puppetry with the cat villain in this movie thats actually pretty endearing actually. its a decently entertaining spy movie. DOCTOR STRANGE

not having a title for this one isnt like reverence or anything i still watched this with my boyfriend in our little place and it was very enjoyable, and, in particualr, this was actually the first movie i watched of this list that i actually wanted to seek out to watch, actually! i've never been an mcu guy ( And, if you expect my movie reviews to professionalize, with like, research on the actors anything, you're dead wrong, i think , also. i think when it comes to assosiating characters with their actors or whatever celebrity or director or whatever, i just. .dont do that. i can see why normal people do but i dont have that built into me. so if i refer to a character it'll be for their character. ) i think this is a good movie i think this is a neat movie i think this a very pretty movie and i like mister stranges arch alot and i think it was really well characterized and enjoyable and id watch this movie again sometime maybe. im not a live action head but i think this movie just looks cool and is well presented in general. i think as an asshole mister strange is very watchable which is unusal for me cus i wince whenever characters do a thing thats like regrettable like noooo dont do that like an autistic weirdo but that wasnt really a problem with me for this movie i think its cool how this prick gets grounded by the fantastical shit in the movie and i think his little mini arch over the movie really stands out as a good character piece. thats all i have to say about it as someone who doesnt super hero movie this movie movies really good and stands on its own. i think its cool. i think this is a very enjoyable movie. i think people should watch it if theyre on the fence on it beingg mcu bc i dont think its like thoose other movies at all. im repeating myself. w/e Alot of early febuaary is characterized by movies bc i want to make it clear that the main game i played in that arch of time was God of War, and there were very much Not Media things that were more pressing for my time. lol VIDEO GAMES!!!! VIDEOVERSE < Most Heartwarming Eboy Game >

the docism i picked for this game sounds demeaning but thhis game is absolutely worth i think everyones time and if theres a game from febuary i'd make as a general reccomendation to my friends, it'd be this one, i think! it's an absolutely heartwarming narrative about an early 2000s era internet community that's being shut down, and its very resonant to at least Me, as a wii u / 3ds era fan

though it kinda melds that kinda stuff with a more early internet aestetic , which i think the combo works Really Well in terms of like vibe alone. the game is very naked with how it presents an early internet community and id describe it as being like hypnospace outlaw but without you the player being in the seat of like an internet moderator. Like you can moderate in the game a little bit but it's much less of a focus compared to the being in a game community with your friend aspect

this games a very well executed narrative about this emmet guy ( in the image above this one, he's on the far left of the screen ) and playing it as the first non GOW game of the week was definitely a choice i made that made me kinda sappy and clingy ( since its very much about the internet anxiety of losing a bunch of friends you care about due to dumb internet social media crap, which feels pretty well timed with this whole tumblr drama going on. also, as someone in a long distance relationship, the romance thing in this game also is pretty relatable in parts )

idk! its a very short game. i played it on deck and it was a very short but sweet pair of game sessions. i think if u like what you see here i reccomend giving it a shot if you're looking for a visual novel . ithink it is cute. if you like cute things this game is for Cute PRINCESS REMEDY IN A WORLD OF HURT < cute em' up where nobody has to die ! >

i actually falsely appraised this as gameboy color style when its supposed to be dos evokative. i knew i was missing something.

this is a free top down shmup game from steam about a cute healer girl! the game has really cute writing and is about an hour long. i think the writing makes it worth giving a try if you have an afternoon! the final boss is litearlly a guy with Every Disease that also has a refrence to ff6, so me being charmed by this game was kind of a given. Oops! I think more people should look at this game! it's worth it !

also, since everyone in the world of hurt has some kind of injury for you to remedy, some of the ones that get picked out are pretty amusing, also. its usually structured around " heres the problem with me " dialogue and " thank goodness im better " dialogue. this game is also for the gays because u can marry whoever you want after the credits. Yay! SUPER MONKEY BALL 3D < worst game icon ive ever seen for a video game award >

the games just kind of mediocre and the only reason i downloaded it is bc it was on 3ds and i just want to point out the games icon is Just a low resolution picture of ai ais face on a white bg. i think thats funny but the games so easy that thats pretty much the only novelty you'll extract of it if youre a monkey ball fan. oops .

something like this ive spent longer trying to find this games home menu icon then thinking about the game after playing it sorry i dodnt think this game is worth that just kind of sad

MEGAMAN XTREME

no reverence for this either pretty much all the games thatre gonna be talked about thatre on 3ds were just me looking through hshop slightly interested in something to do while waiting for my bf to wake up for more gow

all i can really say is that this game is a gameboy demake of the x games thats just slightly worse and going in with that expectation is correct but also its just Really annoying sometimes is very much a game where the levels are short and easy and the boss fights are kind of choppily designed and difficult and i think finishing this game was kind of more of an act of stubbornness then anything. theres this one boss second to last from sigma thats just killing this boss that spams 4 nearly undodgable spammy fast projectiles while you're on two tiny platforms over death spikes and i think that kind of speaks for how much id reccomend this ( not at all ) i think this is the angriest ive been at a game in a bit actually remembering it . i think i said a funny misnomer about it but i dont remember. something about this contributing to why mega man fucking died or something. im realizing i didnt actually consume alot of good media this month took a break writing this on leap day and umm FIRE EMBLEM WARRIORS ( The 3ds version ) < POPCORN VIDEO GAME >

as someone whose never played a dynasty warriors type game this was actually a little less boring then i was expecting it ? you'd assume picking the switch or wii u version would be more ideal, but, as someone whose favorite console is the 3ds , and considering it'd take less time to download to my system, i ended up picking this version. it actually runs pretty well and my only real complaint is that the character i wanted to play as is thuroughly stuck into the post game ( Celica from FE echoes ).

functionally this is kind of just a game that exists to be a stim device while you're in like a voice call or something but at that its pretty good from what ive played. used minerva for most of it and it wasnt too hard but not especially annoying either. its okay. i never got to unlock celica though ( bummed out ) and its not bad at all for somemthing i pretty much only played to pass the time between when my BF was awake to watch me play god of war, which it succeeded at. ive played every FE naturally available on the 3ds. TOM AND JERRY WILL WONKA & THE CHOCOLATE FACTORY

huh what happened howd this happen

guh MARIO MAKER 3DS

game i actually owned legitimately that i forgot i did. technically since the games are going down in a month from now this is my way on reminicing on Maker in general , but i mostly just reflected back on itt as a cute wii u memory and that cute packet that comes boxed with the game. the 100 or so challenge levels in this are neat but not Especially special. kind of existed to pad out the games i've tried and finished this year so far to an even 15. its not bad or anything, it did remind me of a few interactions i didnt know about before. maybe sometime before maker 2 goes down ill finish making that super world i started on when the game was new... putting all my thoughts togetherrrrr GOD OF WAR RAGNAROK

Igod of war ragnarok is pretty cool. for context, im pretty sure the first game of the i wanna say ps4 " duo " of norse GOW games are the two video games that both started me on my ps4 journey recently and got me and my boyfriend together? which i think is very sweet its also very unexpected cus other then being a soft mythology nut i dont see how id get into these kinds of games naturally, considering i'm less genre savvy when it comes to i guess " modern-style " story focused 3d adventures. Considering i'm a nintendo head, these could count as some of the only super duper gamerhead games i've ever played? though i don't know if it means anything when i say that . i think this game definitely needs the groundwork of the first gow to stand up, but, thats not a bad thing, its a very well thought out start to end NARRATIVE, and its a really good one at that. lots of well thought out character interactions and setpieces,a friend of mine described it as a universal ride-style game , and , in terms of linearity, it kind of IS that, but in like the most postive way i can think of in terms of the kinds of games i play , this is probably the drop-dead most prettiest game i've ever looked at from start to finish ( When it comes to detail and realism, i mean. .i think its very pretty to just look at the environments n stuff ) god of war ragnarok is pretty cool. for context, im pretty sure the first game of the i wanna say ps4 " duo " of norse GOW games are the two video games that both started me on my ps4 journey recently and got me and my boyfriend together? which i think is very sweet its also very unexpected cus other then being a soft mythology nut i dont see how id get into these kinds of games naturally, considering i'm less genre savvy when it comes to i guess " modern-style " story focused 3d adventures. Considering i'm a nintendo head, these could count as some of the only super duper gamerhead games i've ever played? though i don't know if it means anything when i say that . i think this game definitely needs the groundwork of the first gow to stand up, but, thats not a bad thing, its a very well thought out start to end NARRATIVE, and its a really good one at that. lots of well thought out character interactions and setpieces,a friend of mine described it as a universal ride-style game , and , in terms of linearity, it kind of IS that, but in like the most postive way i can think of in terms of the kinds of games i play , this is probably the drop-dead most prettiest game i've ever looked at from start to finish ( When it comes to detail and realism, i mean. .i think its very pretty to just look at the environments n stuff ) ( I have screenshots of the game on my ps4, but as i'm a day late to uploading this in the first place, i'm too lazy to both fetch them with my capture card and upload them to an image sharing site, so here's a picture of Jalla, a cute cow critter you get to ride in the game thaat made me very happy . )

I've heard of games that take up entire segments of people's lives for months , and while i've played lots of " longer " games, gow despite being shorter then something like SMT 4 is definitely one of the first games i've played thats been defined like that to me. i dont wanna say too much on the plot because i think these games are worth playing back to back on their own merits, though for me the experience definitely was raised above by , you know, sharing it with the love of my life, haha. its very cute to listen to someone visibly light up when talking about a game and its definitely my boyfriends infectiousness for the game that motivated me to keep coming back to it and dig for all the little details, even if i play 3d games like this like a game's journalist.... but yea god of war is really good i dont want to spoil anything on it but even if you haavent played the past games but have a ps4 and an appreciation for storytelling, i'd definitely reccomend it. Surprisingly cozy, heartfelt story on parenting and war and lingering regret n junk. also i like mimir alot hes silly and brok theres alot of characters in this i like alot

if you know you know TERMINATOR 2

oh yea i watched terminator 2 also very gripping very cool top moms in media for sure i can see why this is a classic movie it abosluely rocks and i was technically present for the voice call where they watched the first movie but i wasnt paying attention to it at all whoops thats technically the last of the new media i did but i also tried out a pokemon X nuzlocke and i replayed king of cards which was really fun and i remembered how much i liked madam meeber

the nuzlocke was a disaster but i actually did do it so winner

im sure there was other stuff too but im tired of typing and i forgot CLICKING SEND!!!!!

[hxzy-sunrise]

ok so this was less of a fic/hc and more just a little scenario that I thought up after a dream. little sort've silly goofy one shot I suppose.. idk I'm so uncreative i need requests or something.. or just a random prompt or hc generator.. yeah something like that. and maybe grammerly, grammerly would help too. I also sort've rushed this randomly rather than taking the time to be descriptive and really work in depth.. so maybe I'll rewrite it sometime

also I have like.. no clue how to use Tumblr.. I'm learning.. slowly but surely. next if I don't have any requests I'll probably do either a list of hcs/replies to hc templates, or maybe work on a nsfw alphabet.. something of the sorts.

after a long, long day of training it was finally dark, which meant you finally got to go to bed. the sheets felt softer than any silk, and it was like a cloud to finally collapse down into bed. it was like a dream come true- the rest you'd desperately been craving suddenly handed to you. safe to say within seconds you were out, slipping into a dreamless yet peaceful sleep. finally the worries and burdens of the day had been carried off, and your body and mind had time to recover.

you didn't know how long it had been since you last opened your eyes, all you knew was that there was something incredibly heavy crushing you. after squirming and struggling you hear your bedmate eren grumble something, and you feel the weight slightly shift. at this point you've started coming to your senses- looking up at the bottom of the bunk on top of yours. you were in the sleeping quarters, and eren had rolled half on top of you. not only was he heavy- but also insufferably hot. now see- normally you were fairly matched in strength, close in height, and overall size. but his dead weight body and your weakened half asleep state seemed to turn the tides and leave you horrendously out matched. " eren..! " you whispered quietly, elbowing him awkwardly from the angle you were at. waking up the other cadets because you were stuck under him would be embarrassing. in fact- you would never live it down. so you had to figure this out on your own. in the middle of your dilemma you felt eren start to move. it was a blessing from ymir! the relief you felt was short lived, as he seemed to just pull himself closer. he buried his nose into the crook of your neck- leaving your cheeks dusted a light pink color. now.. the temptation to stay and just try and go back to sleep was strong.. after all.. this was.. well no- this would have been nice if he wasn't crushing and cooking you alive. after a moment of debate you accepted that you can't sleep like this, and slowly moved your hand to aggressively poke him in the cheek. he grumbled, trying to tuck his face further into you and away from the prodding assault you had begun. eventually a mix of your squirming, whispering his name, and stabbing him in the cheek had awoken him. confused teal eyes slowly met you e/c ones, blinking slowly. his brows furrowed, and he seemed like he was about to go back to sleep. " don't you dare fall back asleep, jaeger. " you warned, seeming to catch his attention. " y/n? " he asked, looking to the other boy in confusion. " what's up? " he asked, yawning and stretching his limbs. " you're kinda heavy. and on top of me. " you reply, now freed from his grasp as he moved away. you kick the blanket off with glee and feel the cool air rushing around your body. " I'm not heavy.. " you hear eren whisper, rubbing his eyes. even half asleep and delirious he was still as stubborn as ever. it seemed he didn't even know what he was defending against. but you didn't mind all that much right now. after cooling off for a moment, you lifted up the blanket, sliding back under it. as he shut his eyes you took a moment to admire his face. he wasn't textbook perfect in anyway- messy hair, half drooling. but to you? he was everything you could've asked for. and right now, he seemed at peace. and that? that was all you could ask for. after a moment, eren slowly opened his eyes. before he could say anything you quickly interrupted. " don't say anything. " you mused, realizing eren knew. you slowly rolled over away from him, and looked at the wall. eren however just slowly inched his way closer to you- tucking his nose into the back of your shirt and wrapping one of his arms over your side. he sighed peacefully, slowly drifting back off to sleep. as he felt you slightly shifting he dragged himself back into reality. " is this.. alright? " he double checked, about to pull away. " yeah.. just don't crush me again or uh.. I'll do.. something. " you replied, slowly moving to catch his hand with yours. " yeah? " he began with a small grin. " I'd like to see you try.. " he whispered in reply, a challenging tone. " maybe I will.. in the morning.. " you mused, trailing off with a small yawn. eren mirrored it with one of his own, nodding and shutting his eyes. at last comfortable once more- you slowly trailed back off to sleep.

[afaramir]

I love your posts about Denethor and Faramir. I'm always glad to see someone who loves both him and Faramir and gets that Denethor being this hugely impressive tragic figure makes Faramir so much better and more interesting. The relationship between them is so complex and I love it so much. The film versions make me angry as well.

oh man thank you so much...i find it kinda crazy that you're saying this to me bc im pretty sure i have a bunch of posts from your denethor tag sitting around in my drafts so i can look back at them later. many days i feel very much like an Amateur Denethor Enjoyer but i am thrilled that me just kind of being unhinged on the dash has brought you joy. and get ready bc here i go again LOL

yeah exactly what you said...denethor's tragedy informs and is informed by faramir so so so much and it's just kind of wild to me that on the tragedy enjoyers website so many people refuse to see it. on the second-best enjoyers website...the guilt-and-despair enjoyers website...the "the unimaginable has happened and i AM going to kill people and then myself" enjoyers website...i could go on! he is literally doomed by the narrative and just goes well ok fuck you i WILL die at the end but it will NOT be in the way the narrative wants me to.

it is truly the relationship of all time. faramir does love his father and yet because of the strength of his principles he is genuinely incapable of showing it in a way that denethor can understand. and denethor loves him too but after a certain point just cannot show it anymore because duty has to take precedence. he's not allowed to give faramir any quarter even in private. and YES that includes anything that would resemble a normal emotion. ngl i wouldn't be surprised if that's the only way faramir is like. LETTING him communicate with him. like i feel like the final assault on osgiliath is not the first time faramir's taken the "if you want to get me to do something you ARE going to have to order me to do it" stance. and yet denethor tries. at the end he takes trying to an unhinged level. idk it often feels like even in the general fandom insistance on one-dimensionally dickish denethor there's somehow also a lack of understanding that it IS a toxic expression of love but that doesn't make it not love. like He's Not Winning Dad Of The Year that is not what we're saying at all. we're saying is "it was born of love. it was a terrible thing yet born of love." thats all! that's why it's so tragic because it's all about love!!! augh...

ok i don't typically put quotations from my own writing in like real posts but also ive been thinking about the faramir goes to rivendell au 24/7 and i just. HAVE to pull this line bc it kind of captures exactly how i feel about the denethor-and-faramir mutual Character Honing.

Yet he [Faramir] cannot deny that each of them sharpens himself upon the whetstone of the other, and it is a debt he loathes to owe and yet cannot hope to repay.

i mean.......like are you picking up what im putting down! like! AAA! both in-narrative and out of it they are always ALWAYS making each other better (or worse. but worse in a More Interesting Way) but AT WHAT COST!!! he loves his father he would not be the man he is today without his father both in a good and bad way he HATES that these two things are true. faramir and denethor are not foils they're parallels they build each other's characters up when you put them next to each other!! faramir is who denethor wouldve couldve been without the war!! hey hang on a second is denethor who faramir would've become if he were the lord steward during the war of the ring? (this is a little reductive i think faramir's susceptibility to despair is quite different to his father's. and i wonder how long his gentleness would've prevailed / worked side by side with his duty instead of being diametrically opposed to it. but anyway. well i'll be thinking about THAT for the rest of the night. i cannot start another au i cannot i cannot i cannot). anyway you can't get one of them without getting the other and that is all...

man i always say like oh don't get me started on movie faramir and denethor and then the don't think of an elephant effect GETS me and it gets me started. last night i genuinely said like "well i won't get into it" and then three hours later it was 2am and it was so very clear that i had Gotten Into It. i had to tell our other roommate like "tell me when ur going to bed i am talking about denethor and i will be yelling." my roommate just came home and i told her about this post and then i had to explain a detail and she SET ME A THREE MINUTE TIMER bc she was like i have to go study. and that's fair

anyway i hope you are having a good night/day/whatever time it is for you. thank you for this ask it is always fun to see you pop up in my notifs whenever im denethorposting lol

[stormyoceans]

what the actual fuck i'm so fucking mad you got that message in your inbox, you're like the most loving most positive person here always enjoying your interests in such a nice way like that personally angered me you don't deserve that at all. that was written only to piss you off please don't let them, your love for vice versa and jimmysea is honestly the cutest most endearing thing and it makes me genuinely happy seeing you talk about it so excitedly every day. their episodes were soooo good imho so cute so them! i've missed them a lot and i'll be rewatching FOR SURE! what were your fave 3 moments? if you can choose! fuck that anon and the other ones that might be the same person. love you monica keep loving them as hard as you do <3

ANON YOU'RE MAKING ME TEAR UP THIS IS SO SWEET 😭😭 idk if i deserve all these nice words but please know that i deeply appreciate them and that they mean a lot to me!!!! thank you so so much for this 🥺💜

honestly i LOVED the our skyy episodes like i know im terribly biased, but out of all the ones we got until now i think the plot for vice versa felt the most organic and coherent to the characters and their journey. once again everyone involved in the show put so much care and attention into it, and jimmysea have such a natural easy chemistry to them, they sell the lovesick fools who have been married for five years SO WELL. IDK IF I CAN PICK ONLY 3 FAVORITE MOMENTS BECAUSE THEY WERE ALL SO GOOD BUT LET ME TRY:

1) the beach scene. IRREVOCABLY CHANGED ME MY LIFE MY PERSPECTIVE THE FOUNDATION OF MY PERSONHOOD THE BIOCHEMISTRY OF MY BRAIN AND THE ENTIRE MAKE UP OF MY BEING ON AN INTRINSIC MOLECULAR LEVEL. AGAIN. i haven't even begun to process A QUARTER of the insane amount of parallels they managed to pack in just 3 minutes of screentime and how, by doing that, they were able to show just how far puentalay have come in their journey: from strangers to lovers, from a one sided drunk kiss to a passionate yet tender mutual kiss, from a mouthed 'i like your name' to a mouthed 'i love you', from talay's life ending in the ocean to the ocean being the witness of his love, that same love he once thought was just an annoying distraction in the way to achieve his dreams and that now has become an essential color in the palette of his life..... literally made me experience every single emotion present on the spectrum of human consciousness, im gonna need a 2 weeks long vacation in a controlled environment to decompress and recover from the sheer high romance and the whole entire everything of it all

also not to toot my own horn but i love being correct and never losing:

2) both the birthday conversation and the drawing one. SORRY I KNOW IM CHEATING BUT I JUST CAN'T CHOOSE BETWEEN THESE TWO MOMENTS. WHEN I SAY PUENTALAY INVENTED COMMUNICATION UNDERSTANDING CARE LOVE SUPPORT!!!!!!!! im not mentally stable enough to be coherent about this but like.. one of the reasons i adore puentalay is that since the beginning they have always been willing to try to understand each other. no relationship comes without misunderstandings or conflicts, they're always bound to happen from time to time because we're all different and we all react to things in different ways, but what matters the most is the way you can come together after that to face the issue and make it better. i feel like people often have this idealized vision of love where everything must be perfect and passionate and all-consuming, but i believe love is actively choosing to share your life with someone every day as you help each other navigate through it and enjoy the quiet moments together, and i think these two conversations show that puen and talay have this kind of love, a love that will last forever because whatever happens being together is the most important thing for them

3) puentalay and jigsaw sleeping in the same bed. LITERALLY DON'T KNOW WHAT TO TELL YOU EXCEPT THAT I PERSONALLY DON'T EVEN WANT KIDS BUT SEEING PUEN AND TALAY BEING SO TENDER WITH JIGSAW AND REARRANGING THEIR LIFE TO MAKE SPACE FOR HIM HAD ME LYING IN THE DIRT SOBBING FOR SEVERAL HOURS TO CLIMB DOWN FROM THE SUGAR HIGH THIS SCENE GAVE ME WITH ITS SWEETNESS. it also reminded me a little of the scene in episode 6 when talay admits everything he has missed about puen: talay has always been more rational and reserved with his emotions compared to puen, but it's in quiet moments like these that you can see how deeply his feelings actually run. both puen and talay have so much love to give and one day, when they will be ready, they're gonna have a kid of their own and expand their family, and this knowledge is gonna MAKE ME DIE HAPPY AND IN PEACE

[queerautism]

Kind of a long vent with autism confusion. Sorry for the long rambling... thing. Please feel free to ignore because I know you're going through it too. I am just trying to sort my thoughts out and my journal wasn't helping.

I had a fight with my boyfriend and I'm so confused. To me it's not invalidating someone's medical conditions to ask if they've had any symptoms that could be COVID if they've recently been around non maskers in close quarters. But to him I did it in a way that was.

My boyfriend has some symptoms that are explained by him having overexerted himself and eating not so great food lately (upset GI, chills, muscle aches, headache). Because I'm really concerned about COVID I always check to see if he feels sick in any other ways if he has 2 or more symptoms. That's normal for us. But asking this time apparently was, to him, invalidating the fact he'd overexerted along with his medical conditions (reflux for example).

I'm autistic and I don't understand why the rules changed or if he's just being super sensitive about the fact he was overworked and isn't feeling good. I clarified that I know that if he had COVID chills or aches it would be on top of the ones from overexertion. I was still invalidating him though.

Apparently I am "pulling out the COVID list" and "trying to fit his chronic issues to it". I don't mean to do that though. I did send the list to him to ask if had any of the symptoms but I have made sure to clarify I know anything is on top of existing issues after the first time he brought up feeling invalidated.

He had a recent risk of exposure, about two days ago, and had some stuff that could have been concerning so I asked if anything else was going on. Which again has been normal for us since the pandemic started. But that's not okay anymore all of a sudden. Or I did it wrong. But I don't think I asked any different from how I have before.

And now I'm getting the "Not every sneeze is Covid" talk and as far as feeling invalidated goes I feel really invalidated. I tried smoothing things by saying I was just paranoid about it (I don't think I'm actually paranoid about this, and I meant it in over concerned usage, though I do have paranoia about other stuff) but that just got mentioned later in the fight. I apparently am "taking his laundry list of hell and fitting the puzzle pieces to [my] COVID paranoia ". Which. Great. That's not what I was trying to do but at this point I know I communicate wrong all the time so it probably came off that way.

He isn't a covid denier or anything which means it's literally about me saying I was paranoid about it. Which is on me for using the wrong word and minimizing my concerns to try and smooth things but it still doesn't feel good and feels like having my issues used against me. If I'd actually been paranoid it'd be on me to manage and I shouldn't have used that description lightly but I also wasnt trying to mean actual paranoia with it (still have to work on that).

But now I don't know how to avoid invalidating his stuff other than never checking on other symptoms or anything. And he says he'd let me know if he felt anything other than his usual, which is like half the symptom list. But not everyone gets the cold like symptoms he keeps saying he'd tell me about. so IDK. I guess the only thing that's okay here is to assume the rules changed now and I can't ask anymore or I'll cause a fight.

Which worries me because he does have chronic stuff, including ADHD to the point he often forgets to bring up when something has changed or he's got something new going on. Which is part of why I check. But that's a problem now.

So I just have to hope he remembers to tell me, and also doesn't decide to just keep it to himself like he does sometimes because he doesn't feel like it's important for people to know what he's going through because it's "not like he can avoid doing things no matter how bad [he] feels". Which is a mood but the not telling people thing is concerning and means there's a history of him doing exactly the opposite of what he's saying he'll do here.

And I don't know how to respond to him and I kind of shut down verbally and in typing to him and every time I try and type I get so stressed I can't form words. And I'm having the one side of me saying I mess up communication, I always mess to communication, so obviously I said or did something wrong and actually invalidated him and my brain is just too weird to see how.

And then another side of me is like "he is taking a misunderstanding about what I meant (thinking that I am chalking his chronic symptoms up to COVID) and feeling invalidated because of that, even after clarification, and there's no way I can understand that but I recognize those are his feelings and he's entitled to them and I should try and not make him feel that way.

And there's another part of me going "This is all stupid and irrational and a misunderstanding I already clarified and things aren't any different from other times so why is he changing the rules and getting mad at me for not following new ones I didn't know existed?"

And I don't know what I should listen to.

And being told repeatedly that I'm not going to get it when I ask why is an issue this time isn't helping. Especially since he tried explaining it and I don't get how it's different. So it's great when someone predicts correctly that I'm too autistic to understand. And I want to not be mad because he's the hurt one here and I get angry too easy but I feel like maybe I should be a little mad?

Anyway I am trying to be supportive but I both don't get it and feel hurt by some of the stuff he did/said and I am worried I'm too wrapped up in that to properly listen to and support him. I still don't get what I did wrong post clarification (should have been clearer before) and I'm worried I really did invalidate him and am being an ass and just not getting how.

Vent over

Thank you for having your inbox open. Whether you read or respond to this or not it means a lot to be able to send something like this to someone since I don't really have anyone other than my bf to talk to and I think by talking to people.

I'm sorry, that sounds like a really difficult and frustrating situation. I would be really stressed too, and I don't think you did anything wrong. It's a reasonable worry to have, and you are not being overtly concerned by considering covid here. If possible at all, your boyfriend really should get a covid test.

A lot of people at this point are exhausted with thinking about Covid, precautions, etc, which is understandable - But it cannot be a reason to pretend it's not a thing anymore.

If your boyfriend has ADHD, rejection sensitive dysphoria (RSD) might be part of the reason why he reacted that way, and felt his issues were dismissed? I know I can get pretty bad RSD myself and it's at least in part a reason for a lot of misunderstandings and small fights I've had myself.

I'm glad sending this could help you a little, and I hope everything goes okay for you 💜

[rowanoke]

I'm home now. Went to the bar after work. I actually had to run home first to drop off some stuff I bought at work.

As soon as I got to the bar, I took my seat, ordered a drink, and my fucking nose started bleeding

This is my 7th nosebleed in exactly 1 month. My first one of the dry season was Nov 17th at like 2pm, and my 7th one happened Dec 17th at like quarter after midnight.

It lasted about 40 minutes. About half as long as the average among those 7. One of the shortest. It was just a trickle of blood, really. Puke you'd see when a character has overused their psychic powers.

For 5/7 of these nose bleeds, my nose has gushed and sprayed blood like a horny anime protag. And other than those 2 that were just a trickle of blood, they all lasted over an hour.

To be honest, I'm a little afraid of what could be causing my nose to bleed so much.

I know it's not the most reliable source, but Google says I should be worried if my nose bleed lasts more than 20 minutes or happens 6 times in a month. None of my nose bleeds have lasted less than half an hour, and I'm at 7 now.

Idk if something is wrong with my nose, and is making it bleed constantly, or maybe I have something like hemophilia or leukemia.

I don't have insurance, or a primary care physician to talk to about this. Several emergency and urgent csre visits that were over $2k usd, some of which were billed at over $6k usd. I have literally tens of thousands of dollars in medical debt.

I know something is wrong. I can feel it. I'm frequently lightheaded, and I've almost passed out several times. I've been lethargic, and haven't had much of an appetite. I'll start shaking at random throughout the day, which I've noticed has happened when I have a panic attack since I was like 13, but without the other signs and symptoms of a panic attack, just the shaking.

Anyway. My physical and mental health have been rapidly declining over the past month, and now I'm in my first depressive episode since like, March or April of this year.

If you saw my post at my lunch, you might have seen that I had already cried 3 times in the first half of my shift. In the second half, after my lunch, I only cried twic.

The last few days for me have felt like the embodiment of Murphy's law. What could go wrong, has gone wrong.

My boyfriend and I are fighting right now, and they won't be staying with me from Christmas to new year's anymore. Also I won't be seeing them on Christmas anymore. Tbh I don't know if we're going to stay together through new year's. Part of me feels like we'll break up before then.

My fucking apartment complex towed my car a few weeks ago and I didn't find out until like the 15th, meaning the lot that impounded my car - which charges by the day - had already billed me at $290 and I won't be able to get a ride out there until Tuesday (which is gonna cost me like $350 at that point, and I have to pay them to tow my car back because it's not even fucking running right now so I can't drive it home)

TW: Suicide mention, self harm mention

Tonight I've thought about suicide for the first time in... probably 8 or 9 months. Like, actually thought about it, not just "I'm gonna kill myself lol" which happens any time something mildly inconvenient happens.

I thought about self harm tonight. For the first time in a l o n g fucking time. The last time I self harmed with a blade, which is what I was thinking about tonight, I was 17. It's been over 6 years since I've done that, but the cold kiss of the blade was calling my name tonight.

I've always hated the holiday season.

I'm from a split family made of split families. Growing up, I went to probably 5 or 6 Christmases per year on average. Each one with different members of my absurdly large family, unrelated to the other groups but all connected through me.

I never felt like I belonged at any of them.

Maybe it's because I'm autistic.

Maybe it's because I'm just bad with names and faces

Maybe it's because I grew up among so many households, I have hundreds of family members, but I only met most of them a handful of times, some of them only once or twice in my life.

This year for Christmas my best friend and I are gonna get drunk and watch anime.

I love her. We used to date. Then we fucked behind our S/O's backs, and then we learned how to be friends. We really just had to fuck once to break the sexual tension.

But anyway, her family is going to Florida or something without her. And I'm not going to visit my boyfriend anymore.

I actually made plane with my best friend first, then cancelled on them to go visit my boyfriend. They even said they would give me a ride to the train station so I could catch a train across the state Christmas morning.

But since my boyfriend and I are fighting now, we're not doing that. I won't be seeing them for the rest of the year.

So I but them my best friend up and she's cool with just picking up our original plans where we left off. She's the best.

She's been telling me, literally for months, that my boyfriend isn't the right one for me. That I should find someone who wants the same things as me, instead of someone who I have to compromise with. Win-win instead of lose-lose.

I don't know what I want right now. Literally 3 or 4 days ago I was so happy. My boyfriend got us promise rings and did like a proposal at the park while we were taking Christmas photos and it was the single most romantic thing anybody has ever done for me.

And now I'm having second thoughts about the whole relationship.

Any time I try to have a conversation about my feelings or boundaries in our relationship, I feel like there's a 50/50 chance they'll either give me a hug and tell me they'll happily do that for me, or they'll get really upset and we won't talk for 2 or 3 days and it will be really tense for like a week. I really don't feel safe or comfortable bringing up those conversations because I never know whether they'll give me a hug or the silent treatment.

We started out as polyamorous, then we were in an open relationship (free to have other sexual partners, but not romantic partners), and we're currently completely monogamous until we sort some things out

Except that my boyfriend still has another sexual partner that they're seeing and have refused to stop. They said it was a personal boundary of theirs and not to even ask them to stop, so I haven't. But I'm really not comfortable with it. And they were with him today, and that's what lead me to being a whole mess today

That alone is making me question things. Add on top of that that I don't feel safe bringing up boundaries with them... I don't know if we'll make it until the end of the year at this point...

On an unrelated note, I'm 2 days into 5 nights of closing in a row. I normally only work 2 or 3 days in a row, and normally only close on Fridays and Saturdays, so it's already weird enough closing instead of going in at noon Mon-Wed, but also 5 nights in a row?

I was this 🤏 close to calling off work tn and it was only the second shift of five.

I hate my fucking job and I resent the fact that I have to work in order to justify my fucking existence under capitalism.

I just want to spend all day browsing the web and learning way too much about niche topics and playing and making video games

But even though I have a fucking degree in game design and 10 fucking years of experience with C++ I have to work at fucking cvs because I can't get a job as a designer.

I don't think I posted about it, but I've been putting in applications to like, all of the game studios in Michigan. Of the applications I sent in, only one made it to the point of the design test, and I didn't make it past that.

I've been looking for a job as a game designer for 8 months now and haven't even been able to get an interview.

My relationship is falling apart. My dead-end job isn't going anywhere and I can't get a job in my field. I hate the holiday season. My whole life feels like it's crumbling before my eyes.

Fuck.

Fu k fuck fuck fuck fuck fu k fu k f uck dcuk fuck duck fu k fuck duck fuck fuck fuck duck fuck fuck fuck fuck fick fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck duck fuck fuck fuck fuck fick fuckfuck fuck fuck fuck

[weabooweedwitch]

I uh

I dont even know how to word this and not sound kind of cruel but I think I lowkey met like an actually evil mentally ill person today. I think she may have tricked me into doing something I wasn't supposed to do for the purpose of reporting me for it later because she's been deliberately causing scenes at our store and acting like she wants financial compensation for it.

This is a really long vent post but uh. I feel like I need to write this to save these details into my memory and on print

Today she was acting totally fine and i didn't realize who she was until i was outside alone with her. She basically "revealed herself" by bringing up a specific story that allegedly happened to her, I story I immediately recognized being told by a manager about "this nightmare woman screaming abuse". So she basically comes to our store, shopped, and said "im disabled i need help loading my car" which, guess what, is not actually a service our store provides nor is obligated to provide but she will not take no for an answer. So I help her because I like idk didn't want the store to get in trouble or us get in trouble for refusing, and she wanted to give me a tip for helping load her car. I told her no multiple times and was really nice like "oh no, I don't want you to feel obligated just because I was nice" but she talked me into accepting a single dollar bill

This woman was already, uh, "showing signs of her disorder" and was threatening to sue another coworker over severe abuse and she started mentioning like, disability lawyers and shit, and now hours later now that im calm,, I'm thinking "fuck she actually straight up tricked me into taking money from her when im not supposed to" and im absolutely positive she had malicious intent because of the way she gave me the money. I saw other cash in her wallet and she was speaking like she wanted a specific denomination of money but only gave me a single dollar bill? She's going to come back later and say I violated my job or took advantage of her as an elderly disabled woman or something and

And I just. She like. Did something that kind of chilled me a little bit. I'm talking to her and she's being kind of incoherent and unreasonable, complaining about my coworkers but being nice to me,, and I go to hand her a quarter back and she notices my hands are shaking. She's sharp amd present enough to notice my hands were shaking from me quickly handing her a small coin. And she commented on it, all sweet like "oh im sorry to have to put you in this position" (this position being,, outright asking me to report "my abusive coworkers" to management)

She just. She just legitimately manipulated every single interaction she had when she entered the store. And you know what? The first time this happened, the incident where she claimed she was so horrifically abused, which again did not happen? On that day, she had gone up to a manager and said something like

Oh my god wait. The very first thing she said to me was asking if I was a new manager. She was checking to see who I was and how nice I was and she specifically requested me by name to help her with her groceries. She was planning on using me from the very second she walked up to me. Jesus

But continuing that previous thought she deadass asked my manager "isn't there usually some sort of discount or compensation when there's been cases of abuse"

This woman is deliberately making us go outside to load her car where there aren't any cameras and she's trapping us into these horrible conversations where she's talking about how old and disabled she is and how abusive we are and threatening to report people to law enforcement and she's called corporate several times apparently, and the entire time, even as im giving her the 500% ass kissing best customer service treatment, she's still being unreasonable, basically being "my way or the highway"

At some point im trying to get her to empathize and I say something like "im so sorry someone made you feel scared like that. I can relate as someone with an anxiety disorder who has panic attacks and

She interrupts me. Interrupts me, with this, like, I don't even know, literally says "you don't have anxiety, that's just what happens when you work in a hostile work environment with abusive people" and was asking me personal questions about how my coworkers treat me

It's just. I'm so like fucking legitimately scared of her now honestly. She played the part of this helpless old woman but she deliberately did crafty manipulative things and at the end of the conversation she was saying "oh thank you for your help Miranda, bless you" and I get an idea and I say "and thank you, and im sorry I think I forgot to ask your name?" and she just smiles and says "bless you" again, and that's sketch as fuck, deliberately not wanting to tell me her name

But. Yeah uh. I'm just kind of shaken because she was really hammering home to me how she wanted to pursue some sort of charge against my coworker and I just. I worry about things like ADA law and how what if hypothetically "she wins" you know....

[commodifyme]

what classes do you recommend taking at the evergreen state university in olympia washington?

what an excellent question that really helps me see how much the work i've put into creating a recognizable brand has paid off! it's genuinely exciting to me every time one of you messages me saying you're considering evergreen for college or that you chose it as your college because you heard me talk about it on the podcast.

anyway, don't know how far you are into your research or admission journey so this might be something you know already, but technically evergreen doesn't have classes. it has "programs" which are like classes, but if you're a full time student you usually only get to take one at time (or two maximum if you are like i was as a student and broke/insane). and there's usually more than one professor teaching it but not always. it seems like since i graduated there are more normal sized classes, but idk why you would want to do that if you're already at evergreen. go big or go home.

it has been some years since i was a student but this was at least true when i was: the professors teaching the program make more of a difference to your experience than the actual subject material. you're going to be in seminar 2-3 days out of the week, you want someone who knows how to organize and facilitate group discussions where your classmates actually use those multi-hour blocks to talk about the reading. i was often afflicted by classmates who not only refused to do the reading, but also insisted on taking up valuable airtime going into long-ass hypothetical scenarios or initiating debates about the "inaccessibility" of said reading in order to distract from how they hadn't actually read it to even know whether or not it was accessible.

fortunately this was mostly curtailed by the faculty teaching my classes! shout out to them. if you're a first year student, i would also avoid the social justice-y themed stuff until at least after your first quarter so you can scope out which professors know how to hold their own in a classroom that will contain at least one person with the most ridiculous beliefs you've ever encountered in your life.

it doesn't look like professor eirik steinhoff (who deserves all credit and all thanks from me for all time) is teaching anything this fall but i will always recommend him before anyone else, regardless of your area of interest.

i did peep the academic catalogue, so in no order, here are some that look interesting to me or with faculty i can vouch for. i'm assuming you're asking for fall! sorry if you aren't. 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10

[electricaquarius]

More stuff with my self insert Tav! This one is heavy on Karlach even though Joanna is a Gale girly. Lots of negative self-talk from Gale too. I feel like the ending of this one is kinda weak? Eh, idk, I like it enough to post it so whatever.

Joanna woke after a moment to Karlach's voice in her ear with a slight tone of impatience. ‘Hey, soldier! Anyone ever tell you that you sleep like the dead?’ Her voice was well above a whisper but with the breathiness that usually accompanied one, so Joanna could only guess that she was attempting to speak privately. It was fair enough, she supposed. Living in such close quarters meant that conversations inevitably carried, and there was simply no such thing as a secret kept between only two of them. 

Joanna stretched and pulled herself up, sitting upright and crossing her legs underneath her. ‘Karlach? You need something?’ She yawned and rubbed her eye. It couldn't be an emergency, she seemed… well, ‘calm’ wasn't a word one used with Karlach, but she didn't seem alarmed. 

‘I've been waiting ages to talk to you, one on one.’ She beamed, planting herself on the bedroll next to Joanna and scooting over so that they didn't quite touch. Even with the space of an inch or so the heat radiated from her, although that was a comfort on a cold night. Karlach settled herself down and cast her gaze up at the night sky. ‘Isn't it mad? How good life is?’

Joanna frowned. ‘You mean aside from the tadpoles? Well, I have to say if we can get them out of our heads without much incident, it will have been worth it to meet you all.’ It was true enough, Joanna had never had a group of friends quite like this before. Unfortunate circumstance had forced them all together but even making the acquaintance of a githyanki wasn't an opportunity she was presented with all too often. 

‘I dunno, it's thanks to our little stowaways that I got out of the hells in the first place.’ Karlach sighed, perhaps with relief. ‘You're right about the company, though. Gods, I want to ride you until you see stars.’

It was at this point the conspiratorial whispers and giggling had caught Gale's ear. He'd been woken up by Karlach's attempts to get Joanna's attention but had decided to ignore it and try to get back to sleep. That was until he heard Karlach's proposition. Now his heart was pounding in his ears and he was holding his breath to try to hear the conversation between them more clearly. Of course he and Joanna were nothing official, but they'd shared that moment hadn't they? She'd imagined them kissing and that had to have meant something. Damn it all, were it not for the orb he'd have taken his chance right then! Still, he heard Joanna’s voice and tried his best to calm his mind to listen for her response.

A light giggle, first, then she stumbled with her words for a moment. ‘I, um, wow, I didn't think…’ She looked down at her hands in her lap for a moment and tried again. ‘I won't lie and say I'm not interested, Karlach…’

There it was, proof positive he’d let himself get carried away with schoolboy notions of romance. What could he possibly give her? He was a doomed man and they all knew it, it was only a matter of time before the orb consumed him completely. Stripped of his powers, what did he have to offer? Karlach was strong, kind, beautiful, and with an infectious optimism that brought love and light to everyone around her. In contrast, Gale was nothing, or very little at all. His knees ached after a long day of walking and where once there was boyish good looks, age and stress had taken their toll. And this wasn't even beginning to take into account his attitude. He'd tried, oh he’d tried his absolute hardest, but it was impossible to stay cheery all the time. Joanna had been privy to some of his darker musings already, his lamentations over losing his mastery of the Weave, and he knew it wasn't easy to listen to. Karlach’s suffering was all the worse considering she was stolen away before she'd even truly entered adulthood and yet here she was, with the strength to put it all behind her and enjoy every single moment of her new life. Joanna's voice once again brought him back to the present.

‘... but, well, I feel like there's the beginnings of something special with Gale. I can't quite name it yet but it's definitely more than friends.’ She brought her knees up to her chest to try to cover her blushing cheeks. ‘I'm sorry. For what it's worth, I think anyone would be lucky to have you. You're a knockout, Karlach. Don't ever forget it.’

Karlach laid back and puffed out her cheeks, putting her hands behind her head. ‘Nothing like getting rejected to take the wind out your sails, eh?’ She gave a wry laugh. ‘It's alright, solider. I respect it. He does smile at you a lot, yknow. None of the rest of us get smiles like that.’ 

‘Is that right?’ Joanna couldn't hide the smile growing across her lips. ‘He certainly makes me feel very special.’ 

Gale honestly had no idea how he'd managed to pretend to be asleep through all this. He was… conflicted, as usual. On the one hand he was elated, if confused. He hardly seemed like the more appealing choice compared to their tiefling friend. On the other, he felt as if he'd truly doomed Joanna alongside him. What was he thinking, playing with her feelings like this? After they were rid of the tadpoles she had the opportunity to return to her normal life, not cloister herself away in Waterdeep alongside him. That's even if the orb were to remain as it was, of which there was no guarantee. But, the selfish, jealous part of his mind had never been happier. So what if she was wasting her future with him? They had each other, and Gale hadn't even had a friend to call his own in a long time. 

Still, he thought, it was something to chew over in the morning. He rolled over and put his back to them, the conspiratorial whispers and giggles now having died down. He was determined he'd be able to speak to Joanna privately eventually, even if it meant casting Silence on the rest of the camp. 

[devilsurvivor-2-recordbreaker]

Do not read (long)

I'm just thinking about my junior year and it was just terrible for the shortest explanation.

In greater detail it wasn't the worst but it still sucked, that part is true. Like half of my classes for the first half of the school year just felt awful to be in. But atleast half of those classes got better with time and did become enjoyable. Other half still sucked ass.

I wanna say my biggest pain in the ass's I had all year were my literature and global perspectives class. The first because it felt like my teacher was pulling fucking mind games to mess with me plus had THE COP FLAG. I could taste the patriotism in the room. No amount of blindly picked quotes could deny it.

The other, global perspectives, was a absolute hell in the second quarter. Like it was entirely dedicated to these massive projects atleast I wasn't prepared for. Like the first semester was just spent lollygagging. We barely did anything and then suddenly it's 'your going to have to surrender your entire life to these assignments for the next six months l, have fun :)'. And it made me want to hust drop out. Like legit I wanted to just drop my entire career because working on those projects were hell. I felt like I was experiencing first hand what those development horror stories were like. Bad team management and all. Like it was so bad that one of the students I worked with refused to work with me afterwards when we had to do a tiny two person assignment after all was over.

That class just drained all the energy I had. Straight vamperic effect on my mental well being. Like knowing I would have to go to that class made me irritated and annoyed. I've never have had a class so swiftly have my opinion on it turn on its head so suddenly.

Now that I've survived it I just feel entirely out of it. I felt no reward no release that it was over. I just felt like I was going home, nothings changed. Nothing conquered or earned. Just routines and cycles repeating.

I don't say it much on here because I very much want to separate my personal life from here but in my irl friend group the seniors left and since then the groups has just been wayning. They were the glue of the group. And I thought maybe I could be the glue that kept us together but I just felt like it wasn't ment to last and accepted that the friendship I had made in this group wouldn't last past this year. So I spent the last full day together at our usual lunch table alone.

Idk I don't mean to get sappy but these people basically were what were holding me together. I never have had many friends in my short life and I struggle to make them, let alone maintain them. I didn't have friends for the most part. I knew people and I would hang out with them but I'm not sure I would call our time together as a friendship. It was much more mutual and acquaintance like. Plus for another multitude of reasons it was a real struggle. So becoming apart of this friend group was one of the best things to happen to me in a long time.

But then it ends and I feel like reset to zero. Like it meant nothing even if it meant the world to me. I blame myself partially. I never extend a hand first expecting these friends to be the first to open the possibility for communication or a relationship outside of school. I feel like I didn't make them care enough about me to warrant them wanting to do that. So just seeing them so easily move on feels like a brick to the face. The harsh reality that whatever friendship I thought I had with these people was no as strong as it was in reality.

And that just hurts. I have difficulty trying to gage if I am friends with people or just that, acquaintances. The person you meet in this place, say your his and hellos and move on. Maybe think about me once in a while or get reminded of me when something related to me corpses your mind.

Which is why I fear sometimes that it's pointless to try and make friends because it'll only end in me crying over people who just don't feel the same way. Again, I feel like I'm to blame for these failed relations.

Worst part is that I feel like they can move on because they have people of their own. Like they can move on with their life and go to their friends. But I can't. I don't have any other friends. I don't mean to discount my online fiends, but I feel its important to have real life friends. (I feel like I should qlarify that the online friends I have made have absolutely helped me, that is undeniable.)

It's why I feel like I've returned to square one. I've revert to this base state of being where I feel alone. And I fear with my life at times that this cycle will just repeat. That feeling got really bad this year because I knew that the seniors would be leaving soon and I wanted to make the most of it while it lasted. But it wasn't enough. It almost feels like it was predestined. Maybe because I knew I made the mistake to think that they make the first move when they were just fine sticking to the equivalent to office cooler conversations.

And then there I am. Feeling dead on the bus ride back on the last day of school year, having survived, but feeling defeated.

I just had to work through some things here.

I feel obligated to thank all the people I've met here because I absolutely would have not survived if not for all of you. Too many to thank so to all of my mutuals and friends here from the bottom of my heart, thanks for being a friend.

[eclipsedpascal]

Devil Inside

Outpost!Michael Langdon x Female Reader

Michael’s father had been ignoring him for weeks, so in a fit of rage he decides he'll wait on him no longer. He'll bring forth his new world now, starting with you.

Warnings: lots of blood, a tiny bit about Michael's ritual, breeding kink, choking, a tiny bit of scratching, mentions of daddy kink but not rly? idk, gagging with fingers, oral (female receiving), Michael uses his powers on the reader, and just bcs i'm a freaky bitch, Michael whips out his demon face again.

Notes: This is just porn without plot. I started writing this so long ago! Literally like I wrote the entire first half of it on the summer solstice and then didn't touch it again until tonight ?? like ok then whoopsie ig. ALSO I really hate the only other Micheal fic I have up,, like that shit makes me *puking noises*. Yeah anyways its so bad that it gave me the motivation to finally post this one lmao.

Word count: 3k

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You sat on the kitchen counter of you and Michael’s shared sanctuary quarters, the only light in the dimly lit room coming from the few candles you had lit earlier in the day which hadn’t yet burned out completely. Your bare legs dangled over the counter top as you sat alone, scrolling through your phone mindlessly and finishing the small mug of lavender tea you had made for yourself with the hopes it would help you sleep better.

As you sipped down the last few drops of what was now lukewarm tea, you heard the unmistakable patter of Michael’s bare feet padding along the marble floor towards the kitchen. He had been trying to contact his father through ritual for weeks now, but he had received nothing in return other than unwanted silence every time he tried. He had been doing the same tonight, hiding out in hopes of hearing even a whisper from his father. He usually devoted hours at a time to contacting him, not finding his way into bed until the wee hours of the morning; so it surprised you he had given up so early on.

You looked up from your screen to find him stood just past the kitchens entrance, completely naked and covered in blood, the wounds he had carved into his arms not too long before already healing; his blood was still fresh and dripping down his toned body. You noticed a change in him. Whilst he usually came to bed feeling exhausted and disappointed, all you could feel from him was anger. It was seething from him as he stood, dripping crimson all over the recently polished floor.

He didn’t speak, eyes focused on the growing puddle of blood that surrounded his feet and filled with so much emotion. You joined him in silence, setting your phone down besides you as slowly and quietly as you could, feeling as if any sudden movement could set him off like a wild animal disturbed from its slumber. You watched as he dug his fingers into the palms of his hands, something you often caught him doing whilst trying to contain impending outbursts he didn't want let loose.

Deciding you should say something, you spoke what could perhaps be called a whisper. “He’s still not answering you, is he?” He ever so slightly shook his head at your question, emitting a low chuckle as he ran his tongue over his top teeth and looked up at you. He struck eye contact with you, his eyes bloodshot and his pupils blown wide. “No.”

You stayed like that for a moment, staring at each other from opposite sides of the room as the tension in the air grew so thick it felt as if it was choking you, your worried eyes looking across into his own rage filled ones.

He started sauntering towards you heavily, eyes never leaving your form and neck slowly craning itself down to continue staring you out the closer he got. Reaching where you sat, he gripped the counter either side of you, his defined hands leaving crimson stains on the previously pristine kitchen counter from the fresh cuts his nails had made as he towered above you. You looked up at him, feeling what you could only describe as fear, waiting for him to do something. anything.

Your own breathing was the only thing you could hear, and you could feel Michael’s fanning over your goosebump decorated skin. You couldn’t figure out what he was thinking, his blank facial expression masking any thoughts running through his mind as he stared you down in a contest you’d never asked to be a part of. You opened your mouth to speak but he cut you off, grabbing your colour drained cheeks roughly, smearing blood on your face and kissing you so violently your teeth were clashing against his.

He was practically shaking with rage, which only fuelled him to move against you faster. His hands stumbled their way down to the thin black shirt of his you’d been wearing all night and ripped the front in two, aggressively yanking the cloth off your body and taking rough handfuls of your breasts. He massaged and squeezed them, pinching your nipples so hard it made you squeak through his kiss and arch your back at the pain.

He moved his hands down to your thong and attempted to pull it down your legs, but let out a grunt of irritation when it was taking longer than it should’ve and ripped it off you too. It dropped it to the floor, following the fate of the shirt he had also just ruined. He pushed his mouth over your face and neck, rushing to taste you as if he would soon run out of time to savour it. The tips of his hair tickled the top of your exposed breasts, teasing you with their delicate touch.

“I don't need him, you know.” He stated, his voice surprising you and deepened with fury as he nibbled on your jawline, leaving the slightest of teeth marks on your skin.

“I’ll create our new world now! without any of his input. Since that’s so clearly what he wants.” He moved down to suck on your breasts somewhat aggressively, his teeth grazing the sensitive skin of your nipples as you writhed and moaned underneath him, feeling his anger, but too lost in the pleasure of his lips to understand what it was he was hinting at.

“And I think the perfect way to do that is to start right here, don’t you agree pet?” he husked out his words with vengeance, angry at his father for ignoring him after so many nights spent trying to contact him and growing impatient with the need to fill you with his seed. You gasped, realising what he meant and smiling up at him wildly. You knew this was going to happen at some point; the two of you spoke about bringing your own little antichrist into the world constantly, but you hadn't guessed it would be happening so soon.

He interrupted your thoughts by lifting you up and lowering you down onto the floor, pressing your bare body onto the cold flooring below and inserting himself between your legs. He grabbed ahold of your throat, using his choke hold to pin you down and taking the slightest moment of calm before scratching his hand down your body. You let out a pained whimper, feeling the leftover blood on his fingers mix with your fresh blood in the claw marks he had left in your skin, trailing from your chest to just over your bellybutton.

He looked up at you and tilted his head, a smirk creeping onto his face. “What do you say we make your little nickname for me official, breed you and make me a real daddy? Hm?”

Your chest heaved underneath him, rising and falling quickly as adrenaline coursed through you. You nodded back as fast as you could, still taken aback by his sudden need to breed you and shocked any of this was happening in the first place.

His eye twitched with impatience as he squeezed your neck momentarily, letting you know he felt your nodding was unsatisfactory. He wanted you to spell it out for him.

“Yes Michael! Please breed me!” You gave him what he wanted, lifting your thighs to wrap them around his torso as you spoke, trying to gather more control over the situation. You needed the sudden thirst of lust he had thrusted upon you to be quenched.

“Thats my fucking girl.” He moved to hover above you, bringing his face down to yours and grazing his nose over yours teasingly. He took a hold of his cock pumping it into his hand and trapping you under his intense gaze.

He pushed inside you, needing his cock to be buried as deep inside of you as physically possible. You let out a strangled cry, gripping onto his arms above you and staring into his blackening eyes. They had grown blind with rage, staring into yours soullessly when he pulled out of you almost entirely, stopping only to smile at you devilishly for the first time that night before slamming back into you at a viscous pace. His balls slapped against your skin ferociously, the noise of it and your moans were the only thing to be heard in the dark room.

Every second it felt as if the room grew darker. Michael felt like the only thing that was real, he was definitely the only thing you could see at least. It was as if everything else was falling into the darkness and dissipating from your mind entirely, as if the room was getting closer and closer to your sweating skin.

“You’ll be so beautiful filled with my seed.” He spoke his thoughts allowed, his brutal thrusts taking his breath between words. You rolled your hips over his in response, wishing his words to be true with every bone in your body. He moaned at this, reading your thoughts and taking his hand from your neck and sliding his bloody fingers into your gaping lips.

“Your stomach all swollen with my child.” He continued his stream of thought, forcing his fingers down your throat and making you gag on them, your tongue adjusting to the sour metallic twang now coating it and licking his fingers as if it was his cock he had placed in your mouth.

He yanked his hand from your mouth, leaving you to gasp and cough out between moans. He instead grabbed at your delicate wrist, his large hand easily wrapping around it and brining your palm to lay flat over your lower abdomen. “Can you feel me?” he punctuated his words with deep movements, pressing your hand down to feel his cock moving inside of you. “Yes I can feel you! oh my god fuck!”

He throws your hand to the side, holding your forearm down on the stone. “God isn’t here, Darling.” his voice came out in a snarl, deeper than usual as a demonic tone overcame him. You grabbed at the back of his neck with your spare hand, pulling him down to meet you in a moan filled kiss.

You’re interrupted when you hear a low hissing to the left of you. You turn your head to find the sudden noise and notice snakes. Actual snakes, impossibly slithering their way from under your kitchen counters and leaving trails of more blood on the floor beside to you.

He pulled himself out of you, centring your attention back to him when he leant down on the floor and brought your cunt to his face. He licked a long stripe up your folds, rightfully earning the pornographic moan that escaped from your throat. Your fingers grasped and slipped across the bloody marble floor when his tongue started flicking vigorously at your clit, pressing hard into your sensitive numb and forcing you to move your empty grabby hands to his dampening locks.

He dipped his tongue inside you, still moving it quickly and making you open your mouth to scream without any noise spilling out. He replaced his tongue with his skilled fingers, pumping them in and out of you and curling them into your g spot. “Nothing satisfies me more than that look on your face when i’m about to let you cum.” He muses, a kind of amusement apparent in his voice when he pulls his fingers back from your greedy hole. “Except from the look you give me when I take it away.” He watches your next moves carefully, wanting to get a rise out of you.

“Don’t fucking tease me Michael Langdon!” You raise yourself on your elbows and shoot him an angry glare, caught up in the moment and pissed off at his cruel edging. He narrows his eyes at you, a flick of his wrist forcing you down onto your back as you mentally curse yourself for talking back to the demon situated between your legs.

He rose above you again, sliding into your wet pussy with ease and stroking your face with the backside of his hand. “Should’ve known better than to tell me what to do.” He tutted at you, His knuckles grazing over your face so gently that when he started his swift pounding it nearly gave you whiplash.

“You either beg me to touch you, or I won’t do it at all.” He warns you, his tone still deep as he grunts at the feeling of your walls clenching around his pulsing cock. His hands move to the floor to hold him up, waiting for your whiney begs to soon hit his eardrums.

You didn't want to beg him after his little stunt, but you had no choice. “Please, please Michael, please touch me.” You gasp and cry out to him, your head lulling back to the dark voided ceiling above you, needing the feeling of his fingers on your clit as you near your impending orgasm. He obliges of course, fulfilling his earlier words and rubbing rapid circles onto the neglected little ball of nerves.

His moaning and grunting was much louder now, somehow managing to drown out the noise of his skin slapping into yours. His breaths had too become heavier, his face growing paler and his thin red veins pulsing onto his perfectly countered cheek bones. His skin appeared as if it was cracking, flickering hollow red lighting onto his illuminated face. His face had become the lightest thing in the room, and yet still managed to be the most nightmarish.

You were on the edge now, watching Michaels anger and pleasure turn him not the ghastly demon before you. You felt your limbs start twitching and shaking. “Ahhh fuck, Michael!” You cried out at him. “I’m gonna cum around you so good, you’ll spill every last drop of your seed into me.” You giggled out your words, underestimating the carnality of Michaels reaction to them.

“Then I’d better make sure I’m deep enough into your greedy little cunt to fuck a baby into it huh?” Your words had now spurred him on to the point of fucking you so brutally it hurt, having somehow managed to pick up his already agonising pace. He leant down to your trembling lips, giving you one last reassuring kiss before he lost the little control he had left.

A fucked out haze fogged over your mind, legs falling numb with the shocks of pleasure emerging from your exploding core. You screamed out Michaels name over and over, letting it loose from your lips like you’d been holding it locked up inside your chest for an eternity. Your tingling skin grew wet as the blood and snakes around the both of you began to boil, as if your skin had set a flame under its bubbling surface.

“Fuck Y/N!” He watched your eyes pierce into his as you came, your tight walls squeezing and tensing around him until he had altered his movements. His quick pace nearly halting, he held onto your hips and rutted into you deep and languidly, filling you up with his sputtering seed. His eyes blew wide, as if they were two blackholes consuming the room around them and drawing you into their endless gravity pools. You could feel him stuttering inside you as he stared into your soul, mouth open slightly ajar and pouty lips shaking with the weight of his orgasm.

You knew you should have been terrified of him. The once expansive and flowing cuts down his arms had now healed completely, the only reminder of them ever existing being the multiple pints of blood he had left trailed from his ritual room to the kitchen floor, he’d painted your willing body with now the flaking crimson in mosaics. His face was enough to give a child cataclysmic nightmares for years to come, but yet there you were lying underneath him, admiring the way the red streaks on his skin showed more emotion that you could ever have put into words and how good his messy eyeshadow looked on his macabre face. The only thing that had ever truly frightened you about Michael Langdon was how madly in love with him you were.

His face fell back to its former glory, colour seeping onto his skin and bringing life back to his breathless face. His arms moved to rest near your face as he pulled out of you, the snakes that had once been slithering next to you having suddenly dissolved as if they were never there in the first place. Michael let his head fall, his long hair laying over your chest as he panted down onto you, staring up at your eyes as his own were flooded with an ocean like blue again.

You stared up at him, not a word having been said since he had shouted your name in the midst of his pleasure, it made you almost.. nervous? You’d never seen him take his anger out on you the way he just had. What was he thinking now he’d ‘decided to start his new world early’ in a fit of rage?

“Mikey?” You called out his endearing nickname timidly.

He changed the look on his face, a questioning expression obvious on his handsome features. You knew what that look meant, he was listening in on your thoughts. Something you’d asked him not to do many times before, but yet you were grateful for it in this moment.

He smiled up at you, chuckling in a little more of a domestic manner than his demonic voice had allowed him to before. You rolled your eyes at him and he kissed you again. It was the kind of gentle kiss that felt like it would linger on you afterwards for days.

“I honestly don’t know how I’m going to cope with a little demon running around the house.” You joked, earning another laugh from Michael. His fingers still covered in blood as he played with the bruised bites he’d left under your jaw.

“I think we’ll find out soon enough.”

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Thank you sm for reading!! likes nd reblogs are v appreciated:)💓

Tags: @celestialrequiem @ntxoza @dark-mei-rose @sojournmichael @blakescoven @ritualmichael @ghostangels @ferndolan @brattylovee @7-wonders @lavenderahs @9layerdevilfoodcake @dailylangdon @kitty4860 @lovelylangdonx @langdoncult @langdonsbitch @imnotheretobeliked @paulsons-baby as always i just tagged whoever i thought may be interested, if you wanna be removed or added to the tag list please let me know!:)