#idk what this means either so don't ask
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Alloaro culture is wanting a similar word to qpr for a committed partner you have sex with sometimes that is not romantic: qpr isn’t right because it has the word platonic in it.
hi! in a very gentle way, i am vibrating to let you know this is incorrect :)
from the POV of someone who's been around the aro community since ~2013-2014 on tumblr, the only time i've seen folks start to say that qprs couldn't include sexual components has been when
they've learned an incorrect definition of QPRs, or
in one particularly notable case, the individual proposing it turned out to be quite sex negative and upset at the mere thought that people could think that qprs could include sexual activity. this individual suggested an alternative term for individuals desiring sex in QPRs in a rather explicitly alloarophobic measure. when gently called out from what had seemed to be a genuine attempt at coining a new term, the above came to light. smaller cases of this pop up every once in a while, but this one got some notoriety.
queerplatonic was always meant to mean "queering the idea of a platonic relationship", "queering the idea of what a relationship means", and by explicit definition, has always been broadly and radically inclusive. any relationship, so long as the partners involved agree it is a queerplatonic one, is queerplatonic. no exceptions. this can mean it involves romance, sex, traditionally platonic elements, and anything and everything those involved desire out of it.
tldr; the word platonic is in queerplatonic to say it is counter to the idea of a restricted "platonic" relationship.
#Anonymous#aro culture is#aro#aromantic#actually aro#actually aromantic#ask#mod phoenix#pls don't ask me what the term had been or who the blogger was. i forgor#idk when it was anymore either cause it was uuuuhhhhh really distressing#i do think this blog existed tho so probs 2019 ish#sex negativity cw#alloarophobia cw#queerplatonic#i know it can be easy to get an incorrect or like. sanitized take online of what things mean#but generally speaking if the word is queer + [something] that [something] is being modified to be counter-cultural intuition#not just queer people *doing* the culturally intuitive version of that word#like... our system is genderqueer broadly speaking [i ID as agender or genderfuck primarily but most of the system also IDs as genderqueer]#and trust me this is not queer person doing Cis Binary Gender this is queer person says 'fuck that gender shit imma do what i want :)'#also pretty please know this is all being said in like. a smiling happy-to-share way!#this is not being said as like. 'uhhhhm aktually' mansplaining
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ok maybe they're the same amount of usefulness in terms of harm reduction or whatever but if nothing else, I have infinitely more respect for people who are planning to vote third-party or write-in than those who are trying to... make a statement by not voting? Like the only statement you're making with that is that you don't care anymore. Voting for a third party candidate at least says that you're voting against both options.
I'm not saying this in a 'voting third party is the way to go' sense, I'm just saying that if you're going to throw away your sway in who wins to make a point anyway, there's an option that actually communicates your point and it sure as heck isn't refusing to vote.
#This post is brought to you by seeing a really annoying probably-a-psyop on my dash#from someone who I honestly don't know if i followed by accident bc idk what on their profile i followed for#But yeah#Like this has gotta be THE most infuriating part of the 'don't vote' posts to me.#If you're morally opposed to voting for either major candidate even for harm reduction that's understandable#But if the conclusion that leads you to is 'so don't vote at all' then i think you're ignoring some options#uspol#ask to tag#I mean I'm probably going to be voting democratic but like.#I can see the case for third-party candidates. I can't see the case for not voting.
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I’m here to bother you again!!!
You don’t have to if you don’t want to but maybe dark ship bingo with timjay or brudick????
hELLO i love being bothered by you this is delightful omg thank you, i would love to
Here is JayTim, I can't believe I only got one bingo for them. Ironically I genuinely don't view Jason and Tim as family, even when I'm not shipping them, I think they're tentative allies at best and you can only brother-ify them if you're doing very generously OOC fluff, a la WFA-style. They're absolutely toxic and codependent on each other's existence, Tim wouldn't exist without Jason and Jason is Undeniably Weird about Tim, but not brothers so I can't check off the familial squares. Also, I have no idea if I've been blocked by 10+ people, but it'd be funny if I am. And funnily enough, I don't think Tim or Jason are vanilla in any capacity even when they're not fucking. Especially not Tim, that boy is Certified Weird.
and ofc BruDick I nearly blacked out the whole board because they absolutely are weird and unwell. Some of these only apply to certain AUs of BruDick (like an idea I have rattling in my skull rn with Talon!Dick) but most of it applies to them all the time. I really need to write some fucked up BruDick, it's tragic I haven't yet. Right now the two fics I'm working on are a weird JayDick and a more fluffy DamiDick, but I have Plans™ for BruDick too. They are the OG and deserve their flowers for being the most toxic mess you've ever seen.
#necrotic answerings#batcest#jaytim#brudick#i loved this so dearly ty your asks mean everything to me <3#so do your tags on my posts you reblog i love your thoughts you Get It™#when i say timjay isn't brotherly i am mostly referencing pre-flashpoint but i don't think they're familial in the new-52 or rebirth either#i haven't read a *ton* of rebirth but knight terrors: robin was *not* brotherly and idk why ppl try to read it like that#shipping brain aside i think they can like each other in canon. get along be friends. if dc actually tried to put work into developing that#but it's not brotherly. they may both view dick as a brother. but that axis point doesn't make *them* siblings and I'll die on that hill#brudick is far more complciated because they're father/son/brothers/mentor/mentee/rivals/friends all at once#it entirely depends the comic#but i don't enjoy them as a nuclear father/son either and i think making their relationship that destroys nuance#*especially* if we're talking early pre-flashpoint or pre-crisis#it's not devoid of fatherly love but it's not defined by fatherly love either#they're complicated little guys who are barely on speaking terms half the time <3#you can tell when i get passionate about something bc my typing style changes entirely.#talking about myself? no capitals bc i'm boring as the hate anon put#talking about the ships? all uppercase and proper grammar. we must be Professionals™#anyway i loved doing this it made me rlly Think about what dynamics i like about both ships this was delightful#of all the batcest ships i think jaytim and brudick get the trophies for Most Unwell#and damitim can clock in at third#i don't yuck anyone's yum who wants to domesticate jaytim or brudick the fluffy fics can be cute and power to you#but it's not how i fundamentally ship them and i don't have interest in writing them clean or healthy
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household enemy to the yyh watchthrough number one is the olympics. it's taken us a week to get two episodes into the gamemaster fight
#out of three. please the third episode's what makes it okay im fighting for my life out here#it is NOT for lack of trying on my part but theres only a brief window of time when the olympics is not happening#and as it turns out the watchthrough is Not my mom's first priority (how dare she etc)#i do feel slightly bitter that we've gotten through two eps of band o brothers in the same time#we are fighting for the same timeslots yet somehow the hour long show's gotten a leg up??#you don't have time for a 23 min ep but DO for a 60 min one?? explain the math to me please#idk how to explain the vague feeling of betrayal bc it Does Not make sense Nor matter in the slightest#but cmonnnn we were doing so well. and my little bro's starting up school again soon and my dad's gotta go back to work#sometimes eventually (<- hes on medical leave) and my grandparents are coming over next week We're Losing Time Soon#ughhh if i'd known the olympics were happening (<- somehow completely oblivious to this) i'd have accounted for#my mom getting whisked away by the land of synchronized divers and shot putters and whatever the hell#happens in the summer olympics (<- only pays attention to winter olys)#bc that always happens. and *i* have to go back to school in Some Amount Of Time Im Too Scared To Check (p sure it's late aug though) and#when that happens i'll (hopefully) be stuck across town which means we won't be able to do it any time besides the weekends#and i don't wannaaaaa#i know this is the least important problem anyone's ever had like i get that i know but#it's important to me that they sit down and watch this with me. and watching it pull apart and being#the one who's easily the most invested it makes me look all desperate when i ask them for their time and they can't give it#we can only pull this off neatly in the summer and we were so close and now we're losing it right at the finish line#i don't want life to get in the way of this little bubble i've fought so hard to make y'know#and it's childish and embarrassing and whatever but i just want them to have fun with me with this thing i care about a lot#but i can't do that bc my mom needs to watch the judo matches at Every weight class#even though she's recording a lot of them? i don't understand but whatever i know it's her thing im just moping about it ig#i want it to be as perfect an experience for them as possible and it's slipping away from me#and i don't wanna leave this project unfinished when i start school y'know. sighh#i think they might feel like i only want them around when we're watching stuff. whcih is weird bc that's like#The Singular Way we family bonded literally my whole life so idk why they wouldn't get that when reversed#but either way that IS how i wanna spend time with them. i want them to understand this thing that's become a part of me#and i wanna talk With them about it. and so far it's been fun in a way it's never been before. my mom at least seems to really like it#and i want it to Keep going well bc if we lose momentum im worried they'll start finding it tedious. sighh
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Why do I still hate myself for not livin up to the person I used to pretend to be
#i don't wanna be that guy anymore#n it's not like anyone else wants me to be that either#except val maybe but fuck what he wants n also it was still never good enough for him anyway#or i guess it used to be. back home. long as i kept the act up at least.#wanted me to compensate w/ somethin else when i couldn't make him any more money i guess#but even when i put on my best damn performance to be what he wanted he found smth to pick apart#it's been easier than it used to resisting when i feel the pull again but....#i still feel like he was right about everythin. so now that i don't let him have me anymore i'm just a waste of space#still don't know if it's better this way or not#he wasn't always this fucking mean. i think he got worse here than he was back home.#i mean he was always an abusive piece of shit but. it wasn't impossible to keep him happy. just had to keep my head down n do what i'm told.#now if i seem too into it he'll just find a way to ruin it for me#he wants me to want him but not enjoy any of it. i'm supposed to hate every moment but still ask for more.#i don't fucking want that#so idk what it even is anymore that i think i'm supposed to be. i just know it's something else than this.#spdrvent
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"people love you uwu people care about you" okay? not my problem. love me less. can we work out a reasonable level of care where it's obviously not cool if horrible things happen to me, a human being, and you won't do any horrible thing to me, but you don't feel obligated to fuss over anything out of the ordinary i do and i have to shut up about it and perform Normal Human Emotions lest i commit an awful social faux pas and hurt your feelings?
#like idk. can you care about stuff that matters? i guess is what i'm asking?#sorry that my own self-directed problems hurt you <3#sorry that i'm a horrible person if i talk about it and a horrible person if i don't <3#i just shouldn't have problems i guess cant believe i didnt think abt that#sorry i don't really care if people would be sad to see me die#would actually be pretty nice to get past the huge feeling of guilt over not being helpful all the fucking time#like i can't go through life being a service dog for everybody around me#(and i dont to be clear. it's not possible and when i say i feel guilty over not doing it it doesn't mean i do 100% of the time)#(i do try to be helpful and useful and i hate missing an opportunity but also i don't have 24/7 free of obligations)#(and i can't magically spot and correctly understand what could need help)#(but i feel like it does take up a good portion of my life. mostly bc everybody around me has Problems rn)#(and because the overlap of ''things that feel good for me'' and ''things that are good for other people'' is pretty small so far)#it's just. yknow. i would like it if for once i could express a negative feeling without it being a huge offense to people around me#ejhrkthrjeh i know i'm just asking the universe if pretty please my actions could have zero consequences and it's overall unrealistic#but like. god. i wish for once it was met with indifference. casual vibes. not a huge deal yknow.#some of my friends do sometimes! it's nice! but of course i can't talk abt the problems that directly include them#i know it makes me so shit at reacting to ppls problems. like either i overcompensate with the worry cuz i feel like thats what they want#or i react coldly and dont provide anything useful to the situation#broadcasting my misery#vent
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The worst thing about suffering is that it still hurts when the danger is over but no one cares about it anymore because it shouldn't hurt. No one will ever say "I'm sorry that happened to you" especially when they barely say "I'm sorry that's happening."
#Okay to tb btw all the personal stuff is in the tags#Like. Not eating for a week because you couldn't get groceries hurts#and people will say 'oof sorry that's happening' but then#after you're able to get food no one will ever say 'I'm sorry that happened' even though you think about it and hurt from it constantly.#No one will ever say ':( that must have been so hard' because you're fine now right???? No psychological damage there?????#This example is stupid but I do think about it every time I feel hungry. I told people I wasn't able to get groceries#and there was no food in my house. And they said. Oof.#Instead of idk Oh God Are You Okay ??#No one cares when you've been abused your entire life and behave the way you do out of genuine terror because your brain is fucked forever#They don't say 'I'm sorry that happened it must have been really scary to turn you into Such An Asshole. I pity you like a dog :('#Speaking of man everyone loves fucked up abused terrified dogs and wants to be the one who makes them open up#And shows them that people can be good and kind and that touch doesn't have to hurt#But everyone is scared of fucked up abused terrified people#Humans are capable of harm even more than dogs and fear is understandable but.#Can you please call me good boy and shush me and tell me nothing's going to hurt me and let me curl up on your lap#And not hit me if I get scared and start to growl and feed me good and take me on walks and play with me#Even though I'm not very fun to play with and I'm still learning what's fun and what's mean and what's a toy and what's a hand#Plleeeaaase don't be jealous of a dog that doesn't eat good don't say 'tch he's so thin what am I doing wrong'#I want to eat good and grow and gain fat and be warm and be comfortable I don't want this#Don't say 'if abused dogs don't eat good then I don't deserve to either' no no no no eat good so you can take care of us both#Please please please I learned so many tricks to make people happy and call me smart but I don't actually know how to do anything I'm#Literally like such a stupid dog it takes me like one day of no one paying attention to me for me to become un-housebroken#I make a lot of mistakes even though I know better or I really should know better#And sometimes do things wrong on purpose to get attention either yelling or showing me how to do it right#But most of the time I genuinely don't know how to do stuff because I was never taught or I was taught and#My previous owners said 'this is how it is. It is this way because it is and it is forever. The answer is Because.'#'now quit asking repetitive questions before I pop you'#If I do something Because and not know the reason why I'm doing it that's not learning that's acting#Especially habits taught specifically to hurt me and not being allowed to question it or know why I'm being hurt#Oh my god I acted out so much when I was younger and all my friends were so disgusted and hurt by me and yelled at me every day
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Beginning to really wonder how much of my financial concern is manufactured and handed to me as opposed to something I'm genuinely concerned by
#bc like. i'm getting by just fine. i don't have anything to be reasonably worried about#but also when i was a kid my father would break down my mother's paycheck and basically explain how broke we were#and that May Have Affected Me Somewhat#as well as just. the way you consistently see the advice to just save! don't get takeout! necessities! and i'm not intent on living like#a monk nor am i intent on being on that grindset for financial gain#it's like i don't intrinsically care but i have so many messages given to me about how i need to care a lot and it puts me in a weird spot#i am simultaneously standing still and moving at mach speeds#i mean right now i just need a safety net while in between jobs; after that i need to save up to move out of state bc the uh#political situation and upcoming presidential election don't seem very sustainable for someone like me anymore#they weren't to begin with but i don't wanna stick around to see how bad it's gonna get#but it's like. okay and then what? save for what? going back to school i guess? idk#i feel like i keep asking myself what i'm trying to accomplish and keep trying to force myself to have answers#here and now when i have to be okay with taking things one step at a time instead of having everything here and now#it's simultaneously fine and terrible and i am holding two conflicting yet equal truths#i feel i may have a clearer head once i leave my current job. i'm trying to look but nothing feels appealing given how#burnt out i already feel. i dread going back into my workplace and i fear it's showing to the patients and i don't want that#i want a month off to rediscover who i am as a person outside of getting yelled at in retail and then pick something back up#could be feasible. genuinely could be. i need to sort out the health insurance aspect but. that's lowkey the plan?#to construct a financial safety net and then slam on the breaks for a while; see if i can strike up a deal with the staff about me#coming in for specific tasks bc we already know i'm quick and efficient with the inventory so i do have a little leverage#you know what. this is getting some of it off my chest and i'm starting to feel confident again lmao#i won't be doing weekends starting either next week or the week after so that's a start! i just think i want everything done right now#bc i'm afraid i won't have the chance again but i will. i definitely will#i just need to let myself get to that point; it's just the immense drain from the register work and the Everything that comes with retail#also having to accept that it's okay to leave this; there's not something wrong with me like. ''not being able to handle it'' or w/e#no mindfulness or detachment could've saved me; it was shit and i'm hitting the bricks and that's all there is to it#i've been thinking a lot about it all lately bc it's what's most prominent in my life rn of course#idk. pondering. introspecting. as i am wont to do#anyways if you've read all this you're a real mvp and i am kissing you on the hand#shai speaks
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EEEEEEH honestly during the time we were mutuals we interacted like a maximum of . two times. perhaps even just once. which is a bit crazy considering all of this now. i was just scared of trying to keep interacting honestly HSJAHDJSHD but if you dont feel like dating after i reveal myself that is completely absolutely alright! i would appreciate having you as a friend just as much! its whatever you prefer and whatever you feel more comfortable with :3
- 💌 anon
oooh well . still honestly I bet uur kewl <3 and yayaya !! thank uu for being understanding , I very much appreciate it . to be faaair , I do . kinda . have a soft spot for uu , y'know ? so even if it isn't immediately . . . the idea isn't something I'm opposed to ^_^
#➳ the fool's mail box#➳ sender; 💌 anon#with all of this being said . there def are things I'd need to know before like . being in a relationship#likeee . are we close in age bodily . nawt that uu would know since i don't share my age online idk but still . like . age range ?#but also no need to directly share that . at least for nyeow ? at the least i trust uu are a minor 😭#um . and also if uur . dating anybun else ? aha ? <- very monogamous very mono . unlike a lot of the beings I've met on here . scary !#augh it's purrobably obvious by nyeow but I'm a clingy jealous mess so being with anybun who'd be dating others . i just . can't#and that's honestly something I'm worried about a little bit like poly beings r so kewl but it just isn't for me#and a lot of beings i know on here are poly . ^_^'#or like idfk being poly itself is fine in a theoretical partner as long as they aren't strictly poly#like ''no if i wanna date other people will i can't just be with only one being bc that doesn't work for me''#but ''i could theoretically be in a polycule but I'm okay with being in a mono relationship'' is good !#and ofc ''i am fully mono just like uu'' is . also something that works for me#idk#these are the kinds of things i didn't wanna ask right off of the bat and i suppose I'll purrobably find out for myself whenever uu reveal#but like . still . uu can easily see why we could be incompatible lol . so .#augh idk where I'm going with this . I mean uu should know my boundaries n such if uu like-like me I just feel like a bit of a downer#bc boom what if everything is ruined nyeow or whatever blehhh#but anyways I'm gonna stfu nyeow i have some chores 2 knock out so I'll speedrun em while uu either write back . or do something else and#then write back . orrrr while uu do something else and write back when I'm done and at the computer so I can reply asap etc etc#agh i feel like i got weird w this even if uu are currently w others or something again we can totally just be friends . buddies . pals .#uur still kewl and really niceys so !
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I just want you to know that I so deeply cherish all your untamed and murderbot (and raksura) thoughts that I started reading ORV just so I can get MORE of your fandom thoughts. I wanna be able to understand your new posts!!
this is so sweet 😭 thank you i'm flattered!! there are some really fabulous posts in this fandom, so i'm excited for you to experience them! my own posts are fairly shallow because i haven't done a reread and the story is so long i already can't remember most of it haha, but the fandom seems pretty active on here so it's gonna be a while before i run out of other people's fanart and meta to reblog. standard disclaimer that you read orv at your own risk and i will not be held responsible for any feelings you may or may not experience in the course thereof. godspeed <3
#wow what an incredibly lovely thing to say thank you 😭😭😭#i do think it's funny how i almost never rec anything‚ i just say unhinged shit & people go okay i need to know what that means.#i don't know that i personally would actually recommend orv to people. my own experience reading it was kind of weird#and i did not have the like. spiritual breakthrough that other people seem to have had#i would recommend that if you are going to read it...take your time with it if possible !#i was so impatient to start reading meta that i sprinted through a book that's more of a marathon than a sprint#which was utterly exhausting as you might imagine#and idk manage your expectations i guess bc i went in with expectations that were basically impossible to fulfill#just based on the way other people talk about it#i am either too mentally ill not mentally ill enough or the wrong kind of mentally ill to be affected by this story in the way that#other people seem to have been#still really liked the story! just don't have a new lease on life or whatever lol. which is fine! my current lease hasn't expired!#anyway i would love for you to have context for my shitpost on lee jihye's theory on the joongdok lovechild. if nothing else.#it's my chef d'œuvre#asks#not anon#NICE SHIT#orv#new affirmation to say to myself in the mirror every morning: YOUR THOUGHTS ARE DEEPLY CHERISHED
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Events of last night:
Me: *crying*
My girlfriend: what's wrong?? :(
Me: *struggling to form words* intrusive thoughts are bad... I don't want to talk about them because then I'm scared that they're true and you might think I'm awful
My girlfriend: ah I actually get that. I have those a lot. It doesn't mean anything though, intrusive thoughts are just like dreams. Like the things you do in them aren't really things you want to do, it's just stuff your brain comes up with.
#we then very heavily related over having the same intrusive thoughts and now I'm suspicious#thinking about when i told her i might have ocd and she said i didnt#and starting to feel like thats because... what if we both have ocd#it seems like she was basing her entire knowledge of conditions on people shes known with those conditions. which makes sense#but the person/ people with ocd had severe cleaning compulsions and the like#where as me and her obsess much more over morality#like its very clear we think about it so much. and idk what to do with that information#we both feel like the intrusive thoughts and obsessive ruminating are the only things that keep is from being bad people#or that prevent us from being bad people i guess. idk why that wording is just slightly more accurate#like people who dont think about these things (apparently all 'normal' people since this could be *an actual disorder*)#they're not constantly analyzing. trying to be aware. asking themselves questions about their true nature. judging those answers#theyre not really doing that with other people either. of course i could be wrong since im very clearly not a normal person.#but this is what i mean! im speculating about other people and acknowledging the ways i could be wrong and just trying to figure it all out#but it seems like no one does that and it doesnt *make them* bad people. it just doesn't prevent them from that happening either#like theyre just as likely to hurt people as the 'bad' person thats thinking the same way they are#and i cant ever be comfortable with me living that reality even when *this reality* is a waking nightmare#sure im tearing my skin off (good ole skin picking disorder) when im thinking about these things. sure im crying. sure i can't sleep.#sure it makes me feel like im constantly a horrible person and need to attone for everything ive done and havent done#sure. but then i turn around and say its helping me. because why else would my brain torture me? isnt it always about protecting me?#i don't know. all i know is who i dont want to be and what i dont want. so that exactly what my brain convinces me is real#i guess what it kinda comes to do is#would you rather live a reality where everything around you is superficial. your thoughts behaviors and thoughts. your reactions#all of them are things youre never aware of. you could be hurting people or you could be helping themm#you could even be hurting yourself. but you would never know. its a comfortable reality that youre never really aware of#OR would you rather live a reality aware of all those things. seeking answers and sometimes finding them.#trying your hardest to help others and better yourself and fix the broken things in this world#your reality is one where you recognize every threat that no one else does and it kills you inside because they wont always listen#theyre comfortable and you're stuck in a reality where you try and try and try but even when you succeed#your brain forms its own reality. a metaphorical jail. where you never get to experience the reality you fought so hard for#instead you exist in this sort of purgatory where you live out your own worst fears and the worst ways you could have failed
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ok so today i had my first thai class after a really long christmas break and somehow andreas gabalier (an austrian folk singer) and his music came up. and i don't remember what exactly my teacher said but he made a comment along the lines of "andreas gabalier is considered a standard good looking dude here in austria, right?" (my teacher is from thailand, so he wasn't sure about austrian people's preferences)
and his question was met with complete silence, because the thing is... our class consists of 3 middle aged guys plus one more guy in his mid 30s. and then there's me. the only girl
and since no one answered the question about andreas gabalier's looks, our teacher then addressed me directly and following conversation ensued:
teacher: "[airenyah]?"
me: (feeling slightly shy and embarrassed) ".....i don't know what andreas gabalier looks like 🙈"
everyone: (breaks out in laughter)
middle-aged classmate: (highly amused) "i suspect he's not your type..." (me: "oh 🙈") "you're not missing out on anything :D"
i really like my teacher but god, let me live. don't put me on the spot like that 😩😩😩
#i hate when people ask me my opinion on somebody's looks#esp if that somebody in question is an older dude (as in significantly older than me. doesn't have to be ''old'' in reality)#idk!!! the person looks normal to me!!! person-shaped!!! idk‚ what do you want from me!!! i'm too asexual for this conversation!!!#we're not super close in this class (it's online which doesn't help with that either) so no one actually knows shit about my sexuality#and idk if my teacher put me on the spot for heteronormative reasons bc i'm the only girl in class#or bc he trusts my opinion (technically i could be considered an expert in austrian culture‚ i have a BA for that now lol)#but somehow my classmate's comment felt really reassuring to me somehow#i have no idea what made him think that that singer wouldn't be my type (maybe the age difference??) but like#so true man. so true. you don't even know#what even IS my type#airenyah plappert#stories from my thai class#also yeah everyone was laughing but it wasn't mean-spirited like. they weren't laughing AT me#i think my comment was just funny to them bc they probably weren't expecting it and so maybe they were surprised#or maybe bc i'm also the youngest in the group so maybe in their heads they were going ''aw she's too young to know andreas gabalier''#(i mean i WAS very much aware of him‚ i just never cared about him and his music and so i didn't care to know about his appearance)#the guys were laughing very amusedly while i was just sitting there like ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ lmao (i too was amused when they laughed tho)#anyway i have since looked up andreas gabalier's face and he is literally just some dude to me#i do hate his hairstyle tho. it looks greasy with gel ewww#but yeah apart from that my opinion on his looks is that he looks like an ordinary human being idk#nothing good and nothing bad about it#(except yeah. the hair gel maybe. maybe that IS bad actually)
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.... Oh god
I have to do conversations tomorrow 0-0
#johnny's silly rambles#.....i just hope they have a lot to talk about#i mean they all do one of my friends has been abroad for a while now#and one friend moved#oh god oh lord#i mean I'm happy to see them don't get me wrong#but they're living an absolutely different life from me#and i don't have much to talk to them about#so i can hopefully just sit and listen and hope they're not gonna ask about me#idk what i would say#that i started my thesis? wow not too much information here jeez🥲#anything else is either meh or they don't understand#It's not even that I'm particularly disappointed or sth (at least atm)#im just very fascinated#by how different it all is
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why did i decide to take a job at an extremely active and sport-focused camp this summer.
#well on the bright side i got my legal name changed to phoenix on the staff portal#but training starts tomorrow#and im gonna be the bitch that's slower and less fit than everyone else#like i genuinely do not see a scenario where that doesn't happen#i'm either gonna have to push my body beyond what its capable of doing comfortably#or ask for breaks#i hate the society we live in#where i internalized that asking for breaks is weak and embarassing#but to answer my own question. it's because the pay is so much better than the other camp jobs i was applying to lmaooo#i mean i'm sure i'll get more fit as the summer goes on#but being behind everyone else in the beginning is gonna be so stressful#i tried so hard to exercise more this month. but i don't think i did it more than 3 times a week#which i don't think was enough#but hopefully it will be something#i also hate the sun and bugs.#WHY AM I DOING THIS KASJHDAKSHD#i don't even know if i like working with kids :''')#i hate new situations where i have no idea what to expect#i did as much research as i could but the autism can't handle the things i can't know or prepare for#idk what i need rn. everyone's who's told me that its gonna be fun or a good time or whatever has not helped#and anyone who's validated me and said that it sounds stressful hasn't helped either#so i will take your likes on this post as a little kiss on the cheek <3#that's all i need#phoenix talks
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my review of the mario movie
fun and entertaining with really really beautiful animations
bowser musical number(s). kids screaming laughing crying in the room
plumber sex joke within the first 10 minutes of the movie (in the french version at least)
embarrassing 'I need a hero' moment, you will never be shrek
on the topic of shrek: toad is basically just donkey
amazing orchestral music pieces from the games
3 real life songs that clearly say "we want to appeal to millennials who listened to their white dad's music"
dixie kong on screen for a few seconds <3 I love her so much
fun easter eggs you know are gonna appear in every IGN listicles for the next 3 months
fun overall :) kids around you will sing the bowser song for the next 5 days (practice your dramatic villain skills)
#mario movie#mario movie spoilers#ask to tag? spoilers should cover it I think#also ppl were dressed up in the theatre which was pretty fun :)#I saw it with a kid I would have waited to watch it online eventually otherwise#^ idk how this post sounds but I'm not being mean or ironic or overly positive either. like it was fun :) you know what I mean#ugh I don't think the tone translates well so please read this in good faith
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I love my friends
#i think im just going to talk in the tags for a moment. got a lot on my mind#for starters. the fnaf movie comes out soon. really looking forward to that. think its gonna be awesome and amazing and I'm super excited!!!#secondly. waiting on funds so i can buy that mask i saw the other day and some Halloween candy from Walmart#i . want to do little goodie bags for the kids in my building. but im too scared to go up to their parents and ask candy preference and#allergy concerns. so. idk. maybe I'll just save it. I think it's a cute concept but it makes me feel like my mother.#she loved to do little gift things for people. but it was always people that didn't like her. i don't want to be that way#i know my value. i know my time and energy means something. i don't want to waste it on people who don't give a shit. ya know?#not saying the kids are those kinds of people. not what i mean. but just as an overall thing. i don't like being like her.#...yeah. i dunno. you get raised by one person your whole life. you pick up some of their characteristics#i can't sob without sounding like her. safe to say i am a little emotionally constipated. so i seek other means to relieve that feeling.#like yesterday when i threw up. i played it off like that was a blunder on my body. but i know what i did.#hey. at least it's not the other method. right?. .. yeah. okay. i know. not great either#but it hurts. and I'm so fucking sick and tired of crying over her. genuinely. it's exhausting crying all the time#but that's the only way I can get those emotions out#I've tried to do the counseling thing. but other things made that impossible. then i moved.#and i tried the grief thing but instead i just got a talking buddy? he helps me get out of the house yeah.#but we dont talk about her#... i dunno. I'm just here.#guess i waited long enough. now you get a mini secret. every time i make an i love my friends post. I'm reminding myself why I'm still going#I'm usually sitting around somewhere in my apartment (desk couch bed) crying. alone. thinking about you guys.#so uh. thank you.#i love you guys so much. and i don't know where I'd be without you#probably dead.#💖#vent
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