#idk why my brain is like: it is only work if u r suffering or doing something difficult

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

[mimibtsghost7]

Fuck you and all your little brain washed rats sending people hate because you cant take responsibility for your actions!! But go on stay silent like you always do, pretend its nothing of your business, keep being a fetishizing racist delulu like you love to be while pretending to be the best blog on tumblr!!!

NOT like anyone will see this but YOU will so LET’S GOOO!!!~~

TW: mental health and more (if you feel like this can trigger you, pls don’t read this, breathe in and out and listen to this HERE and remember I love you), loads of tea and Mimi NOT being a friendly and kind ghost. 

funny enough: 

I never pretended of said I was the best blog. But I guess the fact that you say it might be because you heard it frequently? Thanks for thinking so^^

I sent hate to no one and u r the one sending it to me rn ^^ In my whole 4 year journey on Tumblr I received a lot of love but also worse hate that you can imagine. Yes you are saying now you are receiving hate ... funny how it’s bad when It’s addressed to you but when it’s at me and my dear followers it is not. Still, I never told anyone to go hate on you. You were the idiot that tagged my old blog and as soon as my blog was gone pple searched me and found out you were the reason behind this. But as you keep hating on me. Let me tell you I am kind but don’t mistake that for me being a coward.

I am not into insulting others and I don’t care much if you insult me. BUT don’t YOU DARE touch my dear followers. Insulting ain’t hard. Let me try: The only rat here is you hiding in your hole as an anon. I went and compared your writing with this ask and previous hate asks. And it was you~ Good for you~ the sewers smell just like your filthy mouth spilling sh*t left and right. So on brand. However, I know who you are @hobisbeautifulass Hi ^^

Me racist? HAHAHAHAH you truly know NOTHING about me nor my ex-blog’s message. It was a place when you were welcomed no matter your skin color, religion, gender ... proof? well it got deleted thanks to you. but ask around this time and search for who reblogged my posts as they were always the top of the tags (even if I don’t trust how bad you are at research). I supported the BLM movement and still do and will always do but I did so veeery early without anyone telling me. Not for the notes but because of my humanity. I wished my dear followers’ happy holidays no matter their religions. And never cared about those things. Why judge someone on something based on religion or how they were born. As for the LGBTQ+ community, I was always and will always be there for love being love. I talked about mental health and opened venting nights. I helped left and right and when I was receiving hate because of people like you spitting lies about me. What did I do? Did I go online and called people bad? No. I looked back at myself and asked myself if I did anything wrong. I tried to educate myself and apologized sincerely when I had to. I read books and watched documentaries to learn how to become a better human. AND never repeated a mistake twice. You tend to forget that our cultures are different and sometimes you grow up to see some things as normal when they are not. This is not an excuse tho, so I always believed that I was lacking and if someone had something to say against me, there is a chance they are right and just in case I should reflect on myself. But for your case it was pure nonsense. ME? a stalker? how can I stalk when I have social anxiety and at that time couldn’t even leave my room? I am even afraid of taking public transportations and just the other days I was crying from joy when I took a taxi alone. they said I was in Japan stalking Jimin and Jungkook and took a pic when I was NEVER EVER was on that land. You put me on the same list as people who bought info about BTS’ flights to be on the same plane as them? I was stalked before and let me tell you it ain’t cute and fun. I am even scared of the idea of being followed. that’s why I never shared openly my age, country, or anything about me on my blog. that’s why I have no personal social media to this day and that’s why making my ex-blog was some sort of miracle in my life. 

Silent? yes I was silent when I received hate and didn’t even vent to my dear followers or pointed fingers. Why? because I thought as my day was hell I shouldn’t make anyone’s day worse. I was worried about my dear followers with mental illnesses being triggered. I tried to take my life so many times I lost count but I still came here and smiled. It was my safe place and you took it away. Yet, I should pity you? You hated on me first for no reason and you know it deep inside but right now you are trying to convince yourself that you are the angel and feel no guilt. Compared to you. I pointed fingers at no one and didn’t name you when my blog was gone. Why? because compared to you, I thought you will not be able to manage the hate and what was done .. I didn’t want you to suffer the same way I did when you are the one who made me suffer the most the past couple of days. But the kind Mimi is someone you will never remember because you dared touch the friends I love and calling them names. I don’t mind people insulting me but don’t you dare touch my people. I know myself best. My dear friends/followers know me best. I thought ... I could leave without this mess but you keep barking in my ask box and it’s annoying. I left this backup account just to talk to my friends and yet you are here to ruin things again? I should stop being kind to the ones who deserve non of it. I ignored you when I had so many followers and you went silent too because you were scared of me. But as soon as I lost my blog because of you, you went, edited and then reblogged that stalker post. How can I be a stalker? do you even know the definition of a stalker? do you even know shame? well .. I don’t think so.. you said it yourself. You are NOT ashamed (and you reblogged that so many time lol). 

Death threats? this is no competition but thanks to people like you I have been there and wish no one to be there not even you. The only difference is that you almost killed me for real. You were not the sole reason? Great job walking away from you beloved word: RESPONSIBILITY. And I didn’t get just anon hate, I got literal tagging by people like you, DMs, and people pointing guns at me. That’s why I didn’t mention you. I was worried about the one who took away what I worked for for 4 YEARS. I was more sad and concerned about the ARMY fandom here. Do you know how many rely on my updates? do you know how many people said I helped them? do you know any of that? do you think 200k people were “rats”? Do you think if I did and say wrong thing I will not be questioned by those people. I always told my dear followers: “friends, if I do or say anything wrong or share anything that hurts anyone please tell me. I am willing to learn from everyone.” But what did you know? what did you do? Well ..  guess you love notes? As the most notes you ever got and the most attention was when talking about me? 

Love how you talk about fetishing when my blog was what people call “family friendly”. I also like BTS. I love them for their music, talent, personalities and the happiness they give me. I also enjoy BTS’ bond and love their interactions. I posted content of all kinds of interactions JM X JK, JK X V, V X JIN, JIN X SG, SG X JH, JH X RM, RM X JM ... If you are calling this fetishing asian men just because I scream over BTS as a fan and love their bonb. Then aren’t you against the idea of being an ARMY? I was a clear OT7 and you were told that you weren’t right: 

 Then you answered this without even explaining the nonsense about me: 

idk .. I am trying to find sense in your nonsense so .. wait wait let me look at the definition of fetishism first. 

Fetishism /ˈfɛtɪʃɪz(ə)m/ noun: a form of sexual behavior in which gratification is linked to an abnormal degree to a particular object, activity, part of the body, etc.

Then .. judging from your URL alone hmmm ... cute. I won’t even talk about the SMUT you write that is full of kinks and fetishism. Well I have no problem with fan fiction but the irony you spit is out of this world.

Also, I made money out of mimibtsghost? HAHAHAHHAHAHAHAH no lil one. I worked day and night for FREE. At some point when BT21 just came out and there were no products on AMAZON or anywhere but S.Korea, someone reached out to me to offer 20% off or something for my dear followers. When they asked what I wanted I said what about international giveaways for my dear followers. Basically, made gifs, found content, updates, analysis, edits, and so on for free. Again, w-wait .. Aren’t you the one asking for commissions? Well .. It’s not wrong. But again THE irony. 

So, I went to see that post you made about me with “PROOF” and it was just another person who was salty as I got them blocked I can’t even recall who they were but oh well. Their arguments according to YOU and many should be taken as FACTS just because they said them?  You said HERE that your first comeback was MOST:7 that came in just last year (2020) SO what the hell do YOU know about what happened years before you came when all the proof you pointed at where baseless without any backing?

Let’s see this so wise person you used to delete my blog and what I have done ^^

The gifs: There is a story to this. The first week I came to Tumblr, It was my first time on this site and the first time I share anything. I shared some content and my analysis had a lot of notes for a small creator that started just a week ago. But I made a mistake, I found a gif and posted it while crediting the gif maker. At the time I had NO idea it was wrong. I logged off and after 5 hours I log in and there was a WAR for that ONE gif. The big blog had me blocked and her friend was telling me to take it off. As soon as the person told me I did IMMEDIATELY and apologized againa and again and told them to tell the original gif maker to deblock me as I want to apologize directly and that they can block me after that. They did and I apologized but they just kept insulting me. Of course it was MY mistake and that’s why I apologized. But for them. for a mere gif (yes I say a mere gif because I made so many gifs and they were used on all platforms but I never thought it was necessary to hate that much on someone like they did to me). That blog was big and had big blog mutuals. Thanks to that, I became someone you do NOT become mutuals with but block and never reblog content from. Without any big mutuals. Without any shoutouts. Only my love for BTS, my dear followers’ support and my hard work.. My blog, became bigger and FAST (I got 10k in less than 6 months after I started) and that brought loads of jealousy and thus more rumors. Even if, I apologized and since then made my own gifs. And I made SO many gifsets that I can’t remember how many there were. What I can recall is at some point I made them daily and many times a day.

Ships Jikook? I posted content of ALL the members interactions. I was here at a time where Jikook stans and Taekook stans where always fighting. BUT I posted about both and even made so many posts to encourage loving all the members and all the interactions. I also used the tags solely used for shipping with other big tags to show that BTS’ interactions are all important and their bond is beutiful. That our fandom shouldn’t hate on a member just because they are not part of a ship we like. And wait .. even if I shipped Jikook? I got called ALL those names by someone who ship the members with readers and write sexual scenes? Like, wait ... I am truly confused. Like, write fanfic and do all you want as long as you hurt no one I guess but why am I getting hurt for doing non of it? Like according to you, the person you should be cancelling is yourself?! I am also not into cancel culture like you so hahah whatever.

Posted stalker pics: well wow the story changes each time. Next thing you will hear that I was the one holding a camera for a member in a Vlive lol. Let me teach you about this update thing I was doing. I follow accounts I trust and that’s how we get info circulating fast. I always do reasearch but sometimes mistakes are made. For example when lately people shared pictures of BTS leaving their virtual concerts and schedules. There was a watermark of a news outlet. Normally we trust those but only later we realized that those people stalked BTS. You clearly can’t know it all. But I still didn’t share many pics related to many events (I will not name those as pple can search them even now because some pple never deleted those). And all big accounts shared many pics then deleted later. This happens all the time but it happened like ONCE for me. However, I am called a stalker for that? 

When Jonghyun passed away ... I don’t even wanna recall that night as the memories just ... when that happened I posted about it and send my condolescences. that post had over 10k notes and was at the top the tag. Why did I do that? I was devastated. Yes, many were but I will talk about me rn: I was suicidal the days before that and one of the songs that I listened to when I was broken where by him. I has been in the kpop world since 2006. And learned about his group since their debut with ‘Replay’. I was never a stan but I still knew of many groups and listened to all the songs I liked. I was very sad when he was gone and ANGRY mostly. Why is this angel leaving? Why is someone like me still here? Why did I not leave instead of him? How much did he suffer? And in the midst I posted a post from twitter that stated how agencies usually put down pple with mental illiness and hide it in the industry. Yes, that was important but NOT at that time. I shouldn’t have posted that and I realized after 5 min of doing so that it was WRONG. So I deleted it FAST but it kept being reblogged and I kept getting hate and people telling me: “Go kill yourself”... the sad part is that I almost did as my answer was “true ... why am I still here?” I apologized and logged off then to this day won’t forget crying at 3 AM while walking outside next to my dad. I was outside as I couldn’t breathe anymore and the idea of seeing the walls of my room was hell. I cried and cried and the teary eyes that my father looked at me with are something I am ashamed of to this day. To add one more thing while I am spilling the beans. I hate learning about someone dying. My grandma passed away sometime before that and it was so shocking to me. and some people came and told me when I was mourning her: Go follow that bitch of grandmother of yours. And for what? At that moment I didn’t think I would live to see the next year but I went to therapy and took medecine that was hurting and made me shake all day just to turn somewhat sane. No one knew tho ... I smiled all day and cried all night.. Even on the blog I fought no one of the ones who hated me. I just blocked them but even that was an insult to them?

Again, you said no one should defend me. Yet, you were ready to fight whoever touched anyone around you. What about changing your URL to beautifulassirony

Also THE hypocrisy. If you are sorry then why are you answering an ask of someone isulting someone you want to apologize to? Just make a post wher you apologize or ignore it from the start?

One more thing but surely not the last. You said you were good with research which you are NOT. So, let me show you what an OG detective ARMY can do. But first, as I was scrolling I saw some of your “work” (let’s not even talk about those gifs) and I am just giving my point of view here: I hate how you painted Namjoon as this horny-idiotic-make-dog. Like I get it it’s a fanfic or Namjoon as a dad but ... Namjoon is such a smart man who is very respectful and ofc he is a human with needs like many but what the hell is this way of portraying a character? Also a character is not cool, amazing, and a strong woman just because they curse and belittle their partner. 

Oh well, only you kept reblogging that as it show 36 reblogs when only 33 as still there when I looked and out of those 13 reblogs are yours? (you might have reblogged it more) but again some people might have liked ... people have different taste ... so ... whatever. 

Let’s continue, shall we ^^. You said you were the victim here when I was the one getting robbed right? How can I believe someone who reblogged the post below and was proud calling themselves an abomination or how the Oxford dictionary defines it:  a thing that causes disgust or loathing. For once you weren’t wrong.

What can you expect from someone who has the “I am not like others” kinda mentality while stating relatable things that everyone goes through?

This is getting pretty long. So to sum this up. You are now telling others that hate is NOt ok and that they should be ashamed of themselves when you yourself is not ashamed of hating on me?

I am not the type that sends anon hate. I might ignore some barking but the past days you came and bite me hard. I face the ones I have to face without fear. I know I am not the bad guy here and I don’t care much what you think about me. Even BTS got haters. This says a lot. BUT do NOT dare talk badely of my dear friends/followers. You said you do research well? Start by deleting the post below that was originally by ME from your blog ... oh how meticulous you are. From your baseless receipts to your twisted logic. Indeed people on the internet can say anything and it will be FACTS. You painted me as the devil and painted yourself as this researcher? What’s next you receiving a Phd in ‘pity me’ after your MBA in lies and irony? Whatever~ 

Whaaatever~ Karma will have upcoming talks with you. No need for you to apologize. I never cared about you and you only got attention using me. But I am not here anymore how will you get that blog running now? Are you gonna add me in a fanfic next? No need for you to send me my appearance fee when you do so~ And no need for you to apologize to me just apologize to you conscience if you have any left.  As for me @hobisbeautifulass​ you are just someone I will forget soon anyway~~ 

And because according to what you said HERE when you described the things you hate about people and I thought that was VERY close to how you treated me. Thus, you might really not stand yourself rn.

Do.Not.Worry. BTS are starting the Love Myself campaign again and just in time for you to jump in (you are good at jumping to conclusions about me so I won’t worry about you). I know you don’t like me or my friends but be sure to love yourself at least ^^ 

You are a Hobi stan? Then learn from Hobi to share some sunshine not bring the storm. Have a good day~

[fairycosmos]

can't believe you actually put that into words. i feel the same only i haven't ever even been capable of mantaining relationships or making friends but yeah. i feel like my brain does not work properly. i can't process words or even react normally. there IS a standard and basically everyone around me can function and i can't. it's just like you said. i feel like i am simply not fit to live. i can't function like a human being. i don't know if it's the trauma or some of us were not meant to live. i feel like i am never in myself or being myself like i am just a vessel and i don't even feel a connection to my body. also like you said like even the way i stand is wrong. like i am so out of it. it's all literally like you said. i can't even pretend or fake it and it takes all of my to even try to speak or make a facial expression too. i am absolutely certain i cannot live. like this is going to have to be over soon because it also can't be fixed. you just put all of this into words better than me but you are so right about everything. i don't know what are we supposed to do chloe? it's awful living like this everything is overwhelming and confusing and unbearable

:(( literally unbearable, that's the only word that keeps coming back to my mind, it's the only thing that comes close to describing it. i am really really sorry you can relate because it is is the worst fucking feeling but at the same time i have to say it's a bit of a relief to hear that someone knows what i mean. i'm so embarrased at my complete lack of ability to exist sometimes. facial expressions, completing simple tasks, emotional regulation etc it all escapes me. same, it's like there's quite literally a wedge in my mind stopping it from functioning. conversations are so hard, everything is. keeping up the facade. even when i'm just standing there, it feels so wrong. what you said about being a vessel, it's very much that. just the constant feeling of inhabiting some strangers skin. i am so clunky. i don't know what people want. and i feel like this has been talked about before in a, i don't know who i am, sort of way but it's not even that for me. i just don't know how to "be" in the first place, in the way that is deemed acceptable by collective society anyway. there 100% is a standard, yeah, idk why we pretend there's not. and most ppl seem to meet it. even if it's acting they meet it, and i don't know how. seems like they're all in on something i'm not?? i don't think it's that some people aren't meant to live, though i get feeling that way out of frustration, i do all the time. but we're all just here by accident, some ppl are just more.......compatible w their own brains maybe?? im phrasing that weird idk. i am glad you're here and i mean that in the least patronizing way. and u definitely shouldn't have to suffer so much just to make other ppl happy but just wanted to say it's a good thing you're alive and you do deserve better than what you've been through and i don't think it's impossible to think that better experiences r waiting for you. i think it's a mixture of trauma, mental illness, certain disorders, also just living in a world like this not 2 sound like the joker or whatever. a lot of that pain can't be fixed but it can be soothed, at least when it comes to trauma and mental health, adulthood CAN be a process of recovery, at least i'm hoping. well idk for me at this point w the whole money and therapist and working thing but for a lot of people, it can. i hope the opportunity for that falls on you soon and i really hope you just do what you can to take care of yourself above all else. ur messages make me feel a lot less alone, seriously. my inbox is always open and im always sending u sm love and gratitude <3 check in w me any time we will be neurotic and panicked and sad together

[voidcat]

Oh yeah, might as well make another part of 'spoon appreciating (simping for) someone's writing'

I'll just start with the first major problem!! Will you take responsibility of making me simp for Verlaine and Mori?? Like...how?? I am not exaggerating when i say that that would have never happened otherwise. Your writing just changed my whole perception of the two :D and i'd like to ask "how!?" I only ever simped for chuuya and dazai! And now i simp for the boomer-times new roman-cursive versions of the two :,(

What's the problem, you may ask?🤔🤔

Well maybe the fact that my brain only accepts your portrayal of them?! None other!! (I have reread your mori & verlaine work countless times. And i still haven't grown bored of it)

So you can imagine the death grip your fics have on me 😔😔 they hold me by the throat.

And then there is something that I had mentioned once before, but I got reminded of it when I was going through a writing high last week.

The way you write some of the x-reader pieces from the Canon character's pov??? Genius. I know you didn't come up with it, but those fics in particular live in my mind rent free. Looking inside character's minds, and seeing them be whipped for reader??? I just-- I can't!! And it's unrequited love too!!

Une Larme in particular!! What have you done to my poor heart!! >:(

I can't even convey just how much i love the things you've written. 

And when I say that, I mean, you indirectly changed my own writing style!! Which only happens when i read published work and see their writing style as ASPIRING...Who would have known a bsd x reader writer on tumblr will just go and climb on top of my 'fave authors list' ?? Is that allowed?? 👁👁

Yeah. 

Voidcat >>> my faves at this point

And I'll make sure to read A Case Of Bad Luck on ao3 and send you my opinions as actual comments, instead of these (whatever you can call these) asks!! 

The problem with these asks is that I started with just wanting to say what I like about your work, then I forgot to go into some things and had to send in another ask. And now that cycle continues as I keep finding things I have yet to say!!

(So yeah, part three of spoon dumping their unfiltered stream of consciousness on voidcat!! And this will surely not be the last!! the saga continues <3 )

And yes, I shall forgive your treason of doubting me 😌😌

ik i replied in a similar way to one of ur asks before but the fact that i LEGITHAVE NO WORDS THE WAY IM AT A LOSS OF WORDS WHEN I READ THESE?!?!??!!?PLSSSSSS idk what to say other than thank you for reading and thank you for sticking around dfsgdhf ily i May actually cry, im going thru one of my mood swings this week soif i cry its on YOU and You only (to emphasize my point:i rarely cry irl so magine the weight of my words rn... YEAH theyre huge)

and well.... good news ig? bc aqua and i were discussing abt writing a mori multchap fic adfsgxdhf genshin mafia au literally blinking at us rn it took us 6 months jusr to write the intro and we r gonna abandon it for a morally questionable hot doctor whos technically ex military....

and i suck when it comes to recording but i can naybe play une larme in vc one day if u want adfsgdfh i rlly dk what to say abt verlaine, his effect on me was so unexpected too...... i rlly a man suffering and go "yea bet im taking my claim on this poor meow meow now" (the meow meow in question: literally known as the king of assassings,,, but it ok im sweet he'd not harm me... right.....)

and ik i kinda exposed this bit abt myself in an answer to u before but maybe its bc i kinda write these stuff w7o a fic in mind???like as f wriiting smt and slapping a character name later on Or more like an analysis on a character/human and maybe thtas why it feels less like a x-reader fic sajdfdgf (i def opened this blog as 'wriitng practice' bc i wanted t expand my genre of og writings......now look at me still here after a year)

and ido like to tweak things from other character perspectivesbc i think i have this,, obvious profile for a reader adfsgd so i try to appear a bt more diverse. and ilikeexploring diff views if it makes sense:D (like how i cant relate to most mitski songs but i also /can/ bc i know i /couldve/ lived through the same pain, if not similar)idk humans are interesting and w bsd characters, the questioning of your humanity, emotions etc... i guess i just get it lol

and for bad luck i do have all the stuff posted and my links should work now so if its easier u can always read them here lmao

(also..... u can always have me as ur fave author ifi ever make that one idea of writingshort storiesinto a reality and get them published,,,,)

thank you for your forgiveness<333 i'll make sure not to hurt you like that next time ipromise

OHOH waiti forgot to add,, maybe the mori fic kinda hits bc at core,,, dazai and mori are not so different after all. in their few differences, dazai is (mostly) worse than him if we are being honest. but most of the mannerism and behaviors, even that damned smile and everything.... those are all the thngs mori has bled and blended into dazai. as much as the mighty feared port mafiaisactually just dazai, dazai mostly is just actually a copy of mori. (he just appears more charming/likeable)

so yea my "if you claim to like dazai but hate mori, youre a hypocrite" agenda is back again (lets ,gnore how i never mentioned it here before) <3

[atmo-spherique]

Kaminoan: Phonetic Inventory and Counting System

While discussing clone things with @daitoshi​, they offhandedly mentioned the weirdness of the number of clones in a batch (and incidentally the general structure of the GAR). Apparently this was all the inspiration I needed to decide I was going to create base-4 counting system for the Kaminoans. 32 clones per batch seems pretty random, but it is just 2 x 16 (2 x 4^2), so in a base-4 system, it’s no more random than say 200 (2 x 10^2) is in base-10. Base-4 also ties in thematically with DNA irl, so that’s fun for a bunch of cloners!

I’ve put together a guide to my process and rules for the enjoyment of all. And by enjoyment, I mean frustration because this counting systems it incredibly upsetting.

We normally assume most human counting systems are base-10 due to our (standard) number of fingers. How the heck to do count to four with three fingers, then?? Well, this is how Imma say the Kaminoans count on their fingers:

Does it make sense? I guess. Does it seem probable? Not really. But the joy of conlanging and worldbuilding for aliens is you can always just be like, “Whatever, their alien brains are built differently.”

Anyways, we’re gonna want some names for these numbers, so we gotta come up with some mouth sounds to represent them.

We do not have a lot of canon (or legends) words for Kaminoan stuff, and what we do have is of course plagued by the same issue that every collection of made up words in SW suffers from: absolutely no internal consistency. Okay, well maybe there is some internal consistency, so let’s look at what we got:

PEOPLE

Taun We Lama Su Kina Ha Ko Sai Nala Se Erla Halle Burtoni

PLACES

Tipoca Timira Derem Baran Wu Su Des Slici Tal An Glascretia Razoral

STUFF

aiwha nahra

AIWHA POD STORY

Protas Melkorr Kikla Thalina iiaa oii sso uded

DAITOSHI

Sre Len

Taun We, Lama Su, Nala Se: these are iconic of the vibe I want the phonetic system to embody. So, what features from this data set should I keep for the phonetic inventory?

I dismiss Glascretia and Razoral outright since they have a very “fake English vibe.” Same with Protas and Melkorr, since they just seem to be plays on Proteas (Greek myth) and Melkor (Tolkien) respectively. Also, I throw Halle Burtoni right out the window because every other Kaminoan we meet sounds like their name came from the same language. What the heck happened here?? Whatever language she’s named in, it’s not the one I’m building.

Get rid of thalina, too; I don’t like the <th> just because. Additionally, I’m not sure what the <h> in nahra represents (is it silent? pronounced? part of a digraph with <r>????), so we’re gonna ignore it for now. Finally, the terminal <d> in uded doesn’t fit the vibe I want to go for. I consider keeping the terminal <s> in Su Des but eventually decide against it.

From Tal An and Erla, I decide that approximants can occur finally.

I take <c> and <k> to represent the same phoneme.

For absolutely no good reason, I have always assumed the <wh> in aiwha was inspired by Maori, so I’ll count that as one phoneme. However, I decide to have all approximants have a voiced and voiceless form. So, I end up not using the Maori rendering anyways.

Great, overall we’ve got what looks like it could be a very CV syllable structure. In order to match the vibe I’m going for, I won’t complicate that too much.

We have several C<l> consonant clusters, so we’ll say that it can occur initially. And since we said all approximants can occur finally, we’ll just say all approximants can occur in this position, too. Plus, since I’m mostly just doing this project to amuse Daitoshi, this also allows for their OC’s name to be permissible in the system.

Now, what is going on with these words from the Aiwha Pod short story?? Suddenly double letters. Okay. We’ll say <a> and <i> have long forms, and then we’ll say <u> does as well for a more balanced system. Same with <s> and then <h>, again for balance. Do these words represent diphthongs? Meh. I’ll say no, they’re bisyllabic because I want them to be.

After all that, we’re left with :

m /m/ n /n/

p /p/ b /b/ t /t/ d /d/ k/c /k/

s /s/ ss /sː/ h /h/ hh /hː/

lh /l̥/ l /l/ rh /ɻ̊/ r /ɻ/ wh /ʍ/ w /w/

i /i/ ii /iː/ u /u/ uu /uː/ e /e/ o /o/ a /ä/ aa /äː/

ai /äɪ̯/ au /äʊ̯/

(C1)(C2)V(C3)

C1 = -approximant if occuring in cluster

C2 = +voiced approximant

C3 = +nasal or +voiced approximant

Yay! Let’s work on naming some numbers now.

We’ll obviously want unique names for 0-4. Additionally, the number 9 is very significant in the GAR; squads consist of nine troopers, so every other division ends up divisible by nine. Cool, let’s give 9 a unique name and let it play a role in counting. I also give 36 and 144 unique names, thinking of things like “dozen” and “gross” and “score” in English. Aside from these, we’ll want the various powers of 4 to be something simple.

Futz around with the phonemic inventory, maybe drop it into a word generator, and here are the unique number name around which all other numbers will be based:

And there you have it! The basics, at least. I’ve worked out the names of number 0-64 with which, as long as you know the powers of four, you can work out any number you’d like up to 206 billion~!

Additionally, I decided to create a numeral system (I mean, it’s only four characters, so why the heck not?) very loosely inspired by the structure of the DNA nucelobases (adenine, guanine, thymine cytosine), so here’s that:

And here is a list of the names of all of the numbers through 64! The general rule is simply that if the smaller integer appears first, it is multiplied by the following. If the larger integer appears first, it is added to the following. Aside from a few of the earlier numbers, it’s pretty regular! 9 lends its name to its multiples, and of course 36 (and 144) have unique names, as mentioned above. After hitting 64, the numbers repeat (the same way that they do in English after 100).

*both rai hhel and kwado lho are used, though the latter is rarer

Aaaand for examples in this system, I thought I’d convert some clone designations into it :3

Rex 7567 → 1312033

each digit: lho hhel lho kwa abo hhel hhel

full number: rai hhelto lho whenau kwaiil hhelte hhel

abbreviated: tehhel tekwa abo hhelte hhel

wooooow you can immediately see why they wouldn’t go with base-4 designations haha

Fives 5555 → 1112303

each digit: lho lho lho kwa hhel abo hhel

full number: rai te lho whenau kwaiil hhelrai hhel

abbreviated: telho tekwa hhel abo hhel

maybe we will just call him “Telhon” in Kaminoan :)

Cody 2224 → 202300

each digit: kwa abo kwa hhel abo abo

full number: kwate whenau kwaiil hhelrai

abbreviated: kwate dokwa abo abo (or perhaps “abora” for “double zero”)

I accidentally made his name start with “Kwate” which sounds enough like his nickname I suppose :)

And that’s it! If you read this far, um, thanks (unless you’re Daitoshi: curse you for inspiring me to create this). idk why you would, but anyone is welcome to use this for whatever purpose. Would love to see what you come up with if you do, though, so hmu~! ;)

[misterbitches]

i think what bugs me the most about people being lazy and not wanting to read or pushing a narrative of something you didn't say or do onto you, then saying something about the method of delivery, and then getting their hackles raised at anything that pushes back (i do this too. like many times i overreact because i didnt read something right, or i don't think that maybe i don't need to be heard, or i take on a more combative tone even if someone agrees. so i need to de-escalate for myself as well and be aware....) esp on the basis of length and some grammar and syntax issues—not necessarily the content itself—is that i like....edit for a living.

i have a dumb BA and i have my MFA. i copy-edit on the side as a side-job and i am good at it. i am a literal video editor, a script editor, a scriptwriter, and artist. so like not only did i "train" in that, i have experience, and like.... im good at it. but that's my WORK like that's LITERALLY MY CAREER so when im on the internet i'm not trying to write a fucking thesis that's so intense and edited. i do that for my career and it's effort. this is me time, leisure time, im not being judged or graded and i don't need to put my whole back into something that is largely inconsequential. i'm typing from the top of the fucking dome and that's it man like there's a diff between a thing that takes me 5m to write and something i have to edit a trillion times on top of my learning disabilities and adhd. which isnt a fucking death sentence. adhd helps me be more creative, my LDs are what lead me to art, i'm intelligent and talented even if i hate myself and it's painful. idk how many times i can say this you know. someone said to me once "you're obviously not a native eng speaker" and fucking obviously i am but that wasnt the issue it was saying i can't construct sentences or whatever when im literally just stream of consciousness and it is just so invalidating. i dont like saying it but it's literally people calling you stupid for something you're not trying to heavily regulate because you ARE ALWAYS SELF-REGULATING.

honestly i get shocked at my typos or ways i word things if i re-read them but in my brain it just comes out that way. it doesnt always make sense either idk i try and say it. but i dont want to call it ableist it's just weird. fucking weird and it feels soooooo fucking bad bc i already know lmao im sorry man sometimes commas look like periods and i think im typing in the right tense or the right word but im not idk what to tell ya. u can edit it for me if u want

yesterday i couldnt focus at all like i was watching history (surprise) and had to keep rewinding because my brain started to trail off and i would stare at this box. or ill be thinking about something else the whole time. then i get anxious and try and concentrate and i cant. it's a lot of adrenaline buddy and our brains are like rubber or whatever ok im built different ;-;

other things adhd makes fun:

- when you receive your THC and it takes you hours to use it because your brain is trailing off. DO YOU KNOW WHAT IT'S LIKE TO HAVE TO WAIT FOR UR BRAIN TO STOP PROCRASTINATING TO HAVE FUN? dumbest thing ever esp since ppl w impulse issues <3 drugs cos we r sad every1 thinks we r STUPID

- when u literally just stare at the same page for like 10m. when it takes u all fucking day to watch 5 minutes of a stupid BL bc ur brain is like THIS THEN THIS THEN THIS THEN THIS AND WHAT IS THAT? THEN THIS THEN THIS THEN THIS esp for me as a FILMMAKEURRRR AN ARTISTE A PRETENTIOUS BITCH i cant turn it the fuck off

- WITHOUT INSURANCE MY MEDS ARE 400 DOLLARS SO IF YOU GIVE ME THAT MONEY, I WILL LISTEN TO YOU

this is something i've talked abotu a lot and ppl who know me know that i really struggle with this. maybe that's why i turned to art i dont know but i think there is a gap between people who are willing to read and people who just aren't and then dont bother. but i feel like you should sort of take the time to maybe understand a person may have diff communication styles. like i can understand people or try my best if they dont have a great grasp on english. we know what the fuck communication is. there's this one troll i know of who literally just types nonsense because he doesn't know what he's talking about, he's a dick, and he's not a native eng speaker. that's a time where i'm like i literally cannot with this person because i dont think he even tries lmao. i just ignore him bc he says dumb shit now so maybe if someone thinks that of me they should just move it righgt along ithink im just going to start being a dick and calling eveyrone ableist and start acting like the ~*~*~*snowflake~**~~*~* they dont like bc bitch if im sad we all sad now

i also find it IRONIC when non black ppl comment on a flow or whatever since u all love to use our words wrong bitch back off if u cant say nigga i take 0 writing advice from u

all this is to say i know it's not cos of my adhd and learning disorders since i can do my jobs efficiently. i think that......people are just upset when u critique something that has nothing to do with them as a person but they tied their identity to it so now we all have to suffer im sorry that you...idk don't care about the world? who knows, what do you want? lol

[bitchynaruto]

Hey, not exactly related to ur fic maybe but I saw ur post about naruto being obsessed with sasuke as a manifestation of his trauma( I saw it the same way too). Do u then think it's like a character flaw that is never actually addressed? Like later on obvio he gets a broader justification as in Indra/Ashura reconciliation being imperative to world peace but if we take out the sog6 path folklore it becomes a repurcussion of his emotional issues. In that light what do u think if a fic where (1/2)

he learns that to "let go" would be a healthier alternative to his growth? In that light him being rewarded w what he wants(sasuke acknowledging him)leaves his issues unaddressed? This is a naruto centric ask like mostly abt his saviour complex/emotional codependency/acknowledgement complex if he isn't a messiah( if u take away the mythological folkore). Sorry if it comes across as stupid if u don't want to answer u can ugnore it( end).

thats a good question because its one that ive been rolling around in my brain, bc in the fuck konoha series i havent like fully comitted to them being reincarnated (even tho i love that trope lol). BUT ITS DEF NOT BORING TO ME AT ALL LOL. i mean part of the reason i started fuck konoha series is because of his unacknowledged flaws along with becoming a bootlicker 

anyway, the short of this answer is i definitely think naruto’s savior/acknowledgement complex and his codependency for sasuke are flaws that are masked as positive traits in the writing! this is one of those situations where the author’s intent/background is imperative to why these choices were made and the direction of the storytelling went the way it did.

my naruto essay is under the cut for further rambling on this subject cause idk how to shut up:

with a well rounded character , a character’s traits can easily be a positive or a negative. for example, naruto’s loyalty is considered generally positive, but the loyalty to the village is less admirable and more negative, considering we know how shitty the village is. his want to save sasuke is noble, until it gets to the point where he’s allowing himself to be a martyr, offering himself to be beat up by karui and sasuke bc hes the only one who can bear the pain and hatred of those two respectively. its the same with sasuke too, his determination is admirable because we can see his hard work, whether it be training or saving a comrade, but it becomes negative when it turns into tunnel vision and he doesnt care who he hurts in the aspect of his goal. its what i love about them, how their flaws and positive traits are really from the same source 

so in canon naruto’s issues regarding the big three as you said, his saviour complex/emotional codependency/acknowledgement complex, is addressed but in the terms of the narrative... it is actually considered positive traits of his. it’s why they’re briefly addressed following the pein invasion, but when it comes to a head at the waterfall of truth scene... naruto swallows it down and instead chooses to consider these things as what the village admires and expects of him.

the positive traits of a hero for konoha AND for naruto and co.:

the village is your home. protect the village over your own blood, bonds, and everything else.

not following the rules makes you scum, but abandoning your friends are worse than scum.

conforming to the village despite its atrocities > rebelling against the village

(abandoning friends is what will lead you into danzo territory, the other 2 is what lands sasuke in villain territory)

but that’s where kishi writes himself into an oxymoron with his themes, and why naruto’s character takes a turn for the worse after the waterfall of truth.

now his choice to continue being the village’s savior is in his own way of ‘letting go’ of all the pain and resentment and hatred he has for the village is seen as a positive trait and positive action, especially when you compare sasuke’s want vengeance and retribution for his clan. sasuke’s set up to be the antagonist, the opposite of naruto. if sasuke hates, naruto forgives. where sasuke refuses to forget, naruto insists on him AND sasuke ignoring their pain for the sake of the village (i.e. the greater good). 

the thing is... at a narrative standpoint, i understand why naruto makes this choice. its not really surprising. honestly narutos choice of swallowing his anger for the sake of the village or rejecting the village and following a path more similar to sasuke had both been set up in regards to kishi’s writing

to anyone with a brain and who isnt a nationalist, we actually see narutos choices as kinda horrific and impeding on his mental health. we see these as flaws, naturally. but to kishi, naruto’s choice is the ultimate one of sacrifice and heroism. turning the other cheek. it’s why sasuke’s redemption includes him allowing for naruto, kakashi, and the rest of the konoha to bury the truth of the uchiha massacre, for the sake of the village. a parallel to naruto accepting what the village has done to him for the sake of the village.

naruto is the hero, so he must forgive. sasuke is the villain, so he wants revenge. where sasuke cuts off bonds, naruto chases after him at the expense of himself. sasuke, according to the series, is selfish, whereas naruto is selfless. ultimately as a protagonist, naruto is given a choice between saving the village and saving sasuke. kishi lets naruto get out of that choice by allowing him to choose the village and sasuke

(which, ultimately, is seen as good. considering sasuke’s the ‘villain’, hes the one whos going to suffer from this decision i.e. no justice for his clan, not naruto, who gets to become hokage and have his best friend back)

so kishi’s plan is just to ignore the acknowledgement issues as a flaw and instead of like... growing past the need for acknowledgement, he gives naruto the acknowledgement from the villagers as a reward for his heroism. instead of dealing with the savior complex, he writes naruto as a messiah, so of course hes going to be self sacrificing for the sake of others! instead of dealing with narutos codependency and how  that negatively affects not only him, but sasuke (not in the way most sasuke stans say, i.e. not thinking of sasuke as a person. wanting to control him, etc. but in the way of.. sasuke give up your anger like me and return to the village, lets move on together), sasuke gives into the forgetting and forgiving aspect naruto falls into in the waterfall of truth. 

anyway tldr; to answer your question i definitely think these are flaws that are never addressed but instead are disguised as narutos positive aspects in regards to the narrative and direction kishi went in. allowing naruto to grow past these would’ve made a more compelling and less depressing arc than the one we got. but ultimately it falls into kishis themes of the village > everything

[talesfromacrip]

a h hhhhh:

tired of writing .feel like no ones even bothered to read it. I’m not gonna try and explain again about what’s going on with me. It’s all there and if there’s something after, then maybe I’ll talk about it.

fucking tired of this shit..

dreams are still the same, some aren’t but the hell am I gonna do about that?,

nights are still long and lonely which isn’t fun. I sleep almost halfw of my day away and do fucking nothing much. even if I say I am, I’m disassociating at times. which is difficult to say bc instant mood killer imo.

parents keep setting me off like a firework at times.

stressed with this political climate bc of these idiots

other miscellaneous events I’m too tired to even write out..

like,,what the fuck else do I say?? that already hasn’t been said ?

-

ohhhh, that I’m feeling suicidal again? no urges at all to drink.. but to die??how? Idk, I’m not quite sure but the feeling to just, log off the server is there. to disappear. no pain. just, leave and not have people deal with my shit it seems

lovely thing for people to know, ya know. especially now :’))

-

that I’m gonna die a lonely fuck with nothing to offer besides, I don’t really know tbh.. art, talking?? what else even is there? my money I get? which is ‘soooo much’ my ass.. mm

people really think I’m just this, sexless being now I guess as well. especially with my sexuality and the way I act.. I’m not and it pisses me off.. maybe if y’all read my pieces, you’d know why I’m like this. ._. 

-

that idk if my parents will be here any longer and that I’ll end up all by my fucking self?? my dad keeps bringing up his medical issues and hearing his words, makes me terrified for the future .for myself and my mom..

I can feel it though and I hate this feeling.. I know it’s true though in some way.

I don’t want to be put with anyone in either of my parents families.. or a home.

I don’t want toxicity anymore in my life.. I don’t even know if anyone will even deal with me thiugh and take care bc I’m such a big ass burden

im so lost on this 

-

thay I’m tired of the fighting, yelling and all this abled shit??

-

that my baggy asss eyes are tired of seeing my body at times? I don’t want to look at myself anymore some days when I pass by the stupid mirror. when I try.. a wave overcomes me. I don’t cry. I just glare and judge intensely for a second and then go on. I think of others comments, the positive ones that is, to work on mental sticky notes. reminding me but sometimes they fall. I pick em up when I can

must I go on ???????

———

I hope that I don’t come across as rude when I tell people that it’s alright if they don’t help me.. I’m such a fucking burden at times and some have more, important matters to attend to.. why help me? ._.

like,, I know people want to help.. but how?? If you do,I know I’m gonna snap at you like with my parents at times. back out or just, not accept it..

it’s not bc of how it’s being done either  but how I just shouldn’t even be receiving it in the first place.

I love help.. don’t get me wrong but I’ve gotten so much. I feel any more and I’ll get yelled at. which, I don’t want. other need it more, the help. don’t want people wasting their energy on someone with barely any and has to fake it at times :’))

-

I can’t even hold a proper conversation it seems bc I’m so, boring.. especially with this fucking cursed ass pain I get occasionally. ruins my mood and makes me an even bigger ass..

I wish I could hold one and not be so nervous. some I can but it’s a facade at times. I know no one is really thinking that yet my brains blares it.

I’m,suffering. I hate using that word but I feel like that.

not gonna let others down bc of it. some slips through but ‘yikes, sis’ as the kids say.

———

I hate how everything that’s so wholesome and genuine I see, I can barely even do. I especially hate how I imagine it with someone who deserves better. like, much fucking better.. ._.

I hate how heavy my heart feels when I’m in this, mood. every day.

I feel so lost at times

-

wish I could tell them how I feel.

how everyday my heart aches almost every moment we converse.

the pain reminding me how real this feeling is and how much I don’t want it to go away..

if only I can be so brave as before and others who have spoken such words. instead I’ll just ruin things as always which I tend to do at times it seems ._.

-

of course the ables get their attention, affection and whatnot from them..

how I envy them so much. especially when your told it happens as well.. like, thanks a lot for telling me events I’ll never be able to experience

I’ll never be good enough for that and if I am.. doesn’t feel like it at times. no matter what ido. don’t blame them thiugh..

-

I hope that whenever I post something regarding my personal feelings and all.. that is, regarding who I love and whatnot; that no one associates them with ‘s’. ._. I don’t have to say their name either. real or not, disgusting as it is but hopefully you understand.

all the art and whatnot, ughhhhhh.. it’s not them.. it’s someone else entirely and I’m just a coward as always .watching from the sidelines as time eats my heart away

hopefully no one thinks that.. feel like some do. annoys the shit out of me. not gonna ask but I hope it stops when it can...

like I said, it’s about someone else entirely 

who is much nicer and just, way better than anyone.. even ‘them’ as I preached before but they weren’t. never was. that was a lie to hide what was going on. this time, its not

-

how I wish I could hold them in my arms.. to just burry my face in their chest and hear their warm heart beat confirming that they are real. here. on the same planet as me. same time, place..but I can’t

how I wish I could move my hands up to praise them and gently bestow a kiss upon their delicate cheeks, forehead.. body.. but I can’t

how I wish to hold their hands gently.. the same hands that have helped me in the most low of times. creative, strong. I can’t..

can’t do anything of the sort, only imagine which makes my heart ache even more.. do you know how hard it is to imagine yourself disabled doing activities? N O, you don’t. when I do,it makes me cry bc it’s abled still. something I thought I was gonna be again.. I fuckingf hate it

how petrified I am to even speak these thoughts out loud to you.. I could before but that was a, different time. how I miss it but don’t bc a part of that,wasn’t me.

bit difficult to explain

———

that’s literally all I have for now.. the rest is the same. minor changes here.. s u r e. working on it thiugh ,,best I can

[studysnooze]

i kind of felt like i needed to make this post because i have been stressed out of my actual mind as of late and that isn’t helping me with my anxiety so i thought i would share some tips with you guys- friends in hopes that this helps you and also in turn helps me bc i am s t r u g g l i n g right now haha 

If you find yourself in panic attack/mental breakdown situations (during studying, sleeping, whenever):

1. TAKE A DEEP BREATH: this is legit some of the most underrated advice but this is so so so so so important. i often find myself holding my breath without thinking and even if you look stupid forcing yourself to breath between shaking and crying just do it. please. you will instantly feel better because bottling things up is legit the most toxic thing you could do to yourself

2. if the resource is there: talk to someone. talk to a trusted adult like a teacher, mentor, counselor, or even your parents. i know how it is: you might not trust them, believe me- i have had a fair share of adults who have let me down from time to time and trust me, once you find someone that is perfect for you to talk to, you will cherish that person for the rest of your life. I will never forget my first middle school counselor, i don’t know her name mainly because i was having a panic attack when i met her but i’ll remember her face and her hospitality forever. and she was a stranger to me at the time: sometimes you need that outside stranger to talk to you know? that way, you get a less biased? (idk weird wording there but you get it) response

3. FOOD AND WATER: i cannot tell you how bad i am at drinking water like it’s hopeless at this point but its SOOO important for you! pleaseee drink water. i think water tastes like nothing and it’s pointless to drink it but that is really crazy thinking so don’t follow me on that please because i am seriously working on it these days and my skin has started to clear up majorly but i also feel so much better in general? like hydration does wonders i’m serious- you might not even notice but it’s doing something nice at least to your body. food food food food food please eat something. i know sometimes when i dont eat a few meals because i am so caught up in work, i forget what it feels like to be hungry and that is absolutely ridiculous, do not skip that many meals. i don’t care if your grade depends on it tomorrow for chem or that you need to finish your slide for that group project: if you cannot remember what you ate last literally drop whatever you are doing and get a freaking granola bar- not even- get a sandwich, some chips, and a water or a salad or some carrots and hummus LITERALLY ANYTHING put it in your mouth and chew it slowly and savor your food and thank the universe that your food is making you more energetic to complete your work because honestly not eating makes you feel so weak and it shuts you down. and you know what? when you shut down, it gives you more room to be stressed and anxious because that happens to me too many times in my life and it is the worst feeling in the world: being anxious, sleep deprived, weak :( its not okay and i need my people to stop suffering so eat your carrots kiddos❤

4. nap! this is also extremely simple but soooo underrated. literally nap for like 10 minutes and you will feel SO GOOD afterwards. i know it takes me at least 30 minutes to fall asleep because that’s just me but as soon as i feel sleepy, i turn on my alarm. shutting your brain off for a few minutes does wonders: it actually recharges and resets your brain for a little bit and as long as you don’t sleep for too long, you will wake up more motivated than ever before! 

4.5 going off of the previous point: if you are truly tired, sleep. sleep. sleep. i cannot tell you this enough. there is absolutely no point and no shame in going to bed if you have a headache, your eyes are closing and you cannot focus anymore. plain and simple: it’s just a major waste of time and you will have to end up studying it again anyways. i try to get to bed around 11 which i know is already pushing the late boundaries but if you go to sleep and really, truly, need to finish your work in the morning, wake up a couple hours earlier and finish it quickly- maybe catch a few more z’s. it’s better to get your hours in earlier and wake up feeling better than going to bed at 4:30 (cough thanks nonso) and waking up 3 minutes before school because you shut off your alarm. i’m only telling you guys my stupid mistakes just so you know there are consequences to not following this advice people- this is first hand experience haha

5. TAKE YA MEDS KIDDOS: that’s literally it, you may have forgotten and now are in deep doodoo with yourself whoops set a reminder

if you have trouble sleeping/resting at night or whenever:

1. i have had trouble staying asleep throughout the night for the past few years now. i’m not sure how it started but my brain is just too hot wired these days to stay put: there are some quick things i do when i wake up shaking, panicking, restless, miserable, whatever in the middle of the night: 

 listen to rain sounds on spotify

listen to my favorite podcasts (i gotta make a post about this, message me if you want podcasts like asap after reading this something)

watch “planet earth” or “round planet” on netflix-  round planet is by BBC so there’s that old british guy talking and i think it’s nice :) overall, it’s super therapeutic i highly recommend 

make a warm cup of tea or milk: i usually put honey and cinnamon in my milk or honey in my tea and it’s quite nice i think, it makes me sleepy again

sometimes i wrap myself in extra blankets and cuddle with more stuffed animals to help me fall/fall back asleep. i think there is some nostalgic feeling about being tucked in and being all warm and safe that makes me calm down again i’m not sure why 

if you’re having trouble focusing while studying (i got through this at least once a day omg):

1. take a breather! drinks a glass of cold water, stare around the room for a bit, walk around the neighborhood or the house or the library or wherever you are for a bit- get that blood flowing again

2. look at something motivational! i have a motivation tag kind of thing on my page called #feelgood so you can check it out if you want haha but there are tons of motivational videos and posts from the studyblr community so :)

3. study something you are interested first! this is by far the most useful study advice i have ever received because it motivates me to subconsciously focus my brain and keep me in a “grind” kind of mood 

3.5 related to the previous point, study in small chunks! also switch up on the subject if you get bored.

4. do a hobby! i LOVE reading for fun during study breaks or when i can’t focus especially when i’m super interested in the book because i get sucked into that universe and after i finish a chapter i want to finish more work in order to keep reading- it’s great. i also love doodling intricate designs on my moleskine to keep my busy and i also like writing poems or editing photos. just find something that is calming to you in order to give your brain a break! once you have that little reset, i promise you will feel better going back to work 

5. stop studying? sometimes i burnt out in the middle of studying and you just have to realize when you’ve reached your limit for the night/day so just stop and get some sleep, there’s nothing wrong with sleeping or taking a rest just a reminder <3 and sometimes that means you can get back to your work later or not and that’s okay :)

along with my finals series, i’m going to dedicate an entire post for reasons as to why you should stop comparing yourself so look for that in the next couple of days or so :) 

and just a reminder that you can do it! no matter your barriers you WILL overcome them with flying colors and you will have an amazing summer very soon✨

love,

Nonso

[sw4tch]

Just watched this 2+ hour video essay about "why did we like elfen lied?" And like

I felt so seen.

((Be aware of [[Trigger warnings: anything related with Elfen lied and anything that happens in it]] for my upcoming rant because man i really need to talk about this. Also I made this yesterday, but published today bcus only on pc i can add readmores ))

As flawed as it is, elfen lied really resonated with me when i watched it at like 12? 13? and it validated the pain inside my heart back then. The canon of elfen lied is a cruel, relentless world where pain and suffering happens to people that don't deserve it.

So the story of Lucy called to me. Fascinated me! I was like "YES, THE WORLD IS CRUEL... THAT'S HOW IT'LL ALWAYS BE!!!" and lemme tell you, for a traumatized kid that shit is pop rocks for the brain. But the other thing that resonated with me in that moment was that despite all the cruel in the world of elfen lied, Lucy gets to have a heart and humanity.

She's the villain and the protagonist, but she's deserving of love and sympathy despite her crimes. Idk Lucy will always be an anime character i love, because of what she represented for me.

A traumatized bitch, a power fantasy, THE face of my edgy years (alongside another famously violent pink haired girl), and just. Idk. She Was All That, u feel? Maybe even one of my first anime crushes.

And another thing i liked (Or more accurately i just particularly noticed and it left a mark on my brain) was that it was the first story i ever saw in which a victim of c s a was just. Allowed to exist, even after the fact.

It wasn't handled spectacularly, mind you. Hell, i wouldn't even say it was handled well, with good intent, or even tastefully in retrospect.

But up to that point, stories about that were about victims and the horror of that, and that's it. What happens to the victim afterward? Unheard of. They're just another number, aren't you glad it will never happen to you? Aren't you?

But in elfen lied, you see that the girl runs away and then finds a new family. She gets to live and have a role in the story. She goes beyond what happened to her in some way. She gets to still be a person. A character with a role to play other than Victim. (Is she treated with respect by the story? Hell no, but back then it was still revolutionary to me)

Another media that does this in an also questionable way is Wadanohara and the Great Blue Sea.

Wadanohara, the protagonist, is revealed to also be a c s a victim (now that i think about it, im not sure if she was meant to be a child so I'd have to double check that, but i interpreted it that way, especially because the art style is Super Cutesy in an Anime Way). But this is her story, and in the best ending you get to kill her r*pist and move on. But by this point, she isn't only A Victim.

She's the protagonist. She has had agency this whole time. She is more than just What Happened To Her. She is The Hero. That's still mind blowing to me, even if you can certainly argue the author of the game didn't intend for it to be That Deep. But it was still powerful to me!

Bcus stories about that kind of abuse normally just don't have those characters as heroes, as characters, as people that exist beyond That.

Of course there aren't many protagonists that are survivors of that specific kind of abuse. It's shameful, it's horrible, it's inappropriate. Take those stories and hide them under your bed. Where they can be unseen and ignored.

Survivors of that will never be the protagonist of a PG work. Because it's shameful. It's horrible. Kids like that are better unseen and ignored.

So growing up in a world that knows but vehemently refuses to acknowledge your existence is deeply isolating.

But then you finally see something that mirrors your reality, and you go "Ah! You can hear me? Can you see me? I am real, i am real, the pain is real!" And you don't care how exploitative the work itself may be, it's the first time someone has bothered to give a survivor a story beyond That, so you can't help but love it.

Anyway smth smth elfen lied Good actually, if only because it was a comforting horror that back then provided catharsis and a power fantasy I could lean myself into. (I just had a powerful flashback... I used to pretend i had a double personality too like Lucy lmao... oh my dear little young me...)

[sufferthesea]

Hi again! Could you please do another scenario with Genma with a shy reader that's not a ninja and it's there first date but she ends up getting sick and he surprises her by coming to take care of her?

This was perfectly timed because I always get sick in October-November. Now if only I had a cute ninja boy coming to take care of me while I sat on the couch and watched movies all day. /sigh/ 

Thank you for the request!! I had a lot of fun writing this!! Please let me know if you think my scenarios/headcanons are too long! Also I literally just figured out how to write Genma, idk how he’d text 😂 I did my best. 

Words: 3.144Rating: General Pairing: Genma x Reader

Thiswasn’t how it was supposed to go. When Genma asked you out twoweeks ago you had been so excited that you were near to crying - butyou were also incredibly nervous. Genma was one of the mostinteresting guys you’d ever met, and you felt as if you were theequivalent of a talking potato sack. Not to mention you weren’teven a ninja so why onearth he’d even bother with a civilian was beyond you. Someone ofhis caliber should really be looking for a girl just as strong andknowledgeable and brave and outgoing ashim. (You’d barely managed to squeak out a “yes” when he askedyou to dinner, and it took every ounce of strength just to look himin the eyes when he spoke to you.) He must’ve read the confusion onyour face because almost immediately after asking you out, he said:

“You know, you’rereally cute when you act shy. And I figured if I didn’t ask youout, we’d never get anywhere.”

You’dthought about that for the last fortnight, your face bright red and ashy giggle falling from your lips whenever his face appeared in yourmind. But among the excitement was a bit of fear and the typicalinsecurity you often faced. You’d never really gone on a datebefore and certainly had never been asked out by someone like Genma.He’d suggested something simple - just a small dinner at a curryshop outside of the village. He said it was a cute little place andhe was sure you’d like it because it was out of the way and fewpeople went all the way out there to eat. It was nice of him to thinkof you like that, but there was still so much pressure. Would youlike the food there? What if it was too spicy? What if he thought youate too much? Or not enough? The thought of someone watching you eatwas a little overwhelming. And what if - did you dare to evenentertain this thought so early in the relationship? - what if at theend of the night he tried to kiss you? What if he kissedyou and you had curry breath? You’dabsolutely die on the spot.

Unfortunately,stressing out for the last fourteen days had done the exact oppositeof helping your health and you woke up the day of the date with asore throat, runny nose, and pounding headache. You had somehowstressed yourself into a cold,and now you were even more miserable than before. (Of course itsurely had nothing todo with the fact that you’d left open the bedroom window the nightbefore and had kicked off your blanket in the middle of the night…)

“I can’t go on adate l-like this,” you shuddered, pulling a thick woolen blanketover your shoulders and sneezing into a tissue. “I can’t l-lethim see me like this.”

Forlornly,you looked towards the clock hanging on the wall and your heartdropped. It was already noon; six hours until you were supposed tomeet Genma at the gates so he could walk you to the restaurant. Thiswasn’t good. It’s not like you could take some magic pill to getbetter immediately, and you were certain that if you decided to go onthe date then something mortifying would happen - you’d sneeze onhim, or go into a coughing fit while eating, or you’d get himsick. You couldn’t risk it - not when you’d somehow managed tograb his attention in the first place. You weren’t going to ruin itby being grossly sick all over him in a restaurant. There was onlyone option, and it killed you to even think of it.

You’d have tocancel the date.

It’d be a lie tosay you didn’t cry for a few moments as you convinced yourself thatit’s what was best. Did you want to cancel the date or did you wantto show up and gross him out?

Gathering whateverremaining strength you had, you dug your phone out of your sweatpantspocket and went through your list of contacts before you foundGenma’s number. He’d given it to you when he asked you out, butyou hadn’t texted him before. Would your first text to him reallybe canceling the date? Sometimes the universe sucked.

Steadying your handsenough to text out a legible message, you pressed send and waitedwith bated breath, the pressure behind your eyes and in the bridgeof your nose growing.

Genma - can’tmake it. im sick. rain check?

Itwasn’t good to sit there and wait so you placed your phone on thefarthest part of the coffee table and curled up on the couch, feelingawful. Everything was starting to ache and you weren’t sure whatyou should do to feel better. Going to the hospital was out of thequestion - you weren’t dying,you just had a cold. And you didn’t want to be a burden on anybodyelse by asking them to come over and take care of you. So you werestuck with the only solution - suffer alone until you were better.

Your heart jumped atthe sudden buzzing of your phone vibrating on the table and you leaptup to grab it, hands shaking as you eagerly read the message fromGenma.

That sucks. We’llreschedule. Hope u feel better soon

He hoped you feltbetter soon?! That was so nice of him! Before you could finishgushing over the simple text, a second one came through.

Let me know ifthere’s anything I can do to help

Yourfingers moved quickly to type that he didn’t have to do anything,but then you stopped. He was asking - offering - to help you throughthis dreadful time. Would it be ruder to accept his invitation andpossibly get him sick, or to decline it and spare him the vision ofyou stuffed up and snotty? It really didn’t matter if you were at arestaurant or at home, you didn’t wanthim to witness you blowing your nose or hacking or just looking likeyou’d crawled out some Pit Of Disgusting. You hated to admit it,but you got kind of whiny whenever you were ill and it was prettyembarrassing. With a little bit of heartache, you finished the textand sent it.

No, that’s okay- thx tho. I appreciate it

Almost immediately,another response sent your phone buzzing in your hands.

Anything for you;)

Youvaulted the phone away quickly, your body instantly burning hot, asurprised laugh escaping your mouth. “Wh-What? What was that?”you wheezed, pulling the blanket up to your face and staring inelation at the phone now lying on the floor across the room. “He -He put a - a winking face! What does th-that mean? Does he … oh mygosh.” Hiding under the blanket, you allowed yourself to gigglechildishly and closed your eyes tight. Genma’s perfect face wasthere - a smile gracing his features. He put a winkingface! That was good, right? Andhe’d said “anything for you”. Anythingfor you. Anything for you.How did he mean it? Would he really do anything for you? Your stomachgrowled and you grimaced; maybe you should have asked him to bringyou something to eat …

The phone buzzedagain and you practically threw yourself across the room to grab it,scrambling to clutch it close your face and read the message.

U allergic toanything?

Confused, you rereadthe message and checked to see who it was from. Genma had sent it,that was certain but … Did he think you’d called off the datebecause you had had an allergic reaction or something? Or - did hethink you’d canceled the date because you were allergic to curry?You were legitimately sick and this boy thought you were skipping outbecause you didn’t like his taste in food?

No - im good. Notcurry!! hahaha I was looking forward to eating there /:

Thatwas good enough, right? Assure him that you weren’t avoiding himbecause of that little restaurant, and that you actually didwant to go with him.

Same. Oh well.Maybe next week.

Then, a secondlater:

What r ursymptoms? Like are u coughing and sneezing? Sore throat? Or somethingelse?

Was he concernedthat your illness would still be there by next week when you actuallywent on your date? You shifted on the ground, resting on your elbowsas you thought over what to say. The point of canceling the date wasto keep him from knowing what you were going through at the moment.

Youtyped slowly, regretting every letter of your text: headache,sore throat, runny nose, congestion, sinus, everything hurts!!! ))):I feel like death tbh

Five minutes passedof absolute silence and your chest twisted in embarrassment. Had yousaid too much? You knew it - you’d messed this up. No good. Genmawould surely ditch you and go for some girl with a perfect immunesystem who looked absolutely glamorous even when she was suffering,and certainly didn’t complain about it. When another five minutespassed without a response, you pulled yourself back onto the couchand cuddled under your blanket and sighed heavily. Why did it have tohappen now?! Today of all days.

The phone buzzedagainst your chest and you yelped, jolting upwards and dropping it tothe ground. Fumbling around for it, you grabbed another tissue fromthe nearly empty box on the table and dabbed at your sore nose.

Grape or orange?

Nowthis was getting weird. Your response was only: what?

Genmaswiftly replied: Do you prefer grape or orange? Or cherry??

Uh… I don’t …care????? What is this for?

Insteadof answering, he simply asked: did u still want to go tothe curry place next week? I’ll pick u up next time. What’s uraddress?

Stumped, you staredat the glaring screen in your hands. What was going on? He was actingstrange. But your cold-infested brain wasn’t willing to work withyou to figure out what he was doing so you merely texted back youraddress. He stopped responding and you wondered if it was a mistaketo tell him where you lived. It was almost one o’clock and youreyes were feeling the weight of your illness. Sniffling into yourhandful of tissues, you curled up on your side and let yourself fallasleep.

An hour later youwere woken up by heavy knocks at your front door. It startled youawake and you rolled off of the couch, dazed and utterly lost as towhat was happening. Scrambling to your feet, you wiped drool off ofyour face and ambled over to the door, your voice croaking in pain asyou muttered, “Coming …”

Groggily, you pulledopen the door and looked blearily out into the bright world. Youshaded your eyes and squinted at the shadowed figure filling yourdoorway.

“You look as badas you said you feel,” came a voice.

Your eyes widenedand you dropped your hand, finally realizing that it was none otherthan Genma standing at your door.

“Wh-What are youd-doing here?!” you shouted, throwing your hands up to coveryourself although there was nothing to be covered. You were alreadydressed in a baggy t-shirt and sweatpants, and although your hair waswild and uncombed and your nose was as red as the swirl on Genma’sjonin jacket, you weren’t indecent. Still it was almost shameful tobe standing before such a beautiful man looking like you’d climbedout of a dumpster recently.

“Aren’t yougoing to invite me in?” Genma asked, a small smirk playing on hislips.

Youglanced back at your small apartment and you could almost feelyour cold lingering on the air. He didn’t want to go in there. “Uh… you’ll … you’re gonna get sick -!”

“Don’t worry, Igot it covered.” Genma reached into one of the half dozen bags hewas carrying and pulled out a white surgical mask, using one hand tomaneuver it onto his face. You’d only just now noticed his senbon was nowhere to be seen. “See? Now I won’t catch whatever youhave. Heh, do I look like Kakashi now?” 

“What?”

“He… you’re not a ninja. Right. You’ve probably seen him around.Kind of weird … got hair out to herethat’s silver, always has a mask on, always reading that orangebook.”

“No, I - I knowwho you’re talking about. I m-mean … What is all that?” Youmotioned to the different bags Genma was carrying and he grinned fromear to ear (not that you could see it).

“Well I figuredsince you weren’t up to going out tonight, we could have a nightin. Is that alright?”

“What? Really?”

“Sure.” He heldup a few bags with a local market’s logo across it. “This is somemedicine - I got three different kinds, since none of them coveredall of your symptoms. I also got you some tissues - it sounded likeyou’d need them.”

You looked away andblushed, trying to stealthily dab at your running nose with acrumpled tissue. “Th-Thanks.”

“Noproblem. I also got us dinner - or lunch, I guess.” He held up two paper bags from arestaurant you’d passed by before. “I wasn’t entirely sure whatyou eat, so I got a few different things.” He then shook a fewother bags strung along his arm, “And then I grabbed us somedrinks. Nothing alcoholic, though. Didn’t think you needed to betipsy and sick. Iwouldn’t make you wake up tomorrow hungover with a cold.” 

You stared inabsolute awe at the man, a happy smile spreading across your face. “W… Wow! That’s so n-nice of you! I d-didn’t think … I thoughtyou’d …”

Hecocked an eyebrow and showed you the bags again. “Listen, Iappreciate the thanks but canI come in? I’ve walked all over the village with these.”

“Oh! R-Right.Sorry.” You stepped aside to let him in and he glanced around yourapartment.  

“This is cute. Youlive alone?”

“Y-Yes …”

“Good. I don’twant anyone disturbing our date.” He dropped the bags onto thecoffee table and looked back at you. “Actually, I just don’t wantto share my food with anyone but you.”

A dry, croakygiggle jumped out of your throat before you could stop it and youcovered your face in shame. Genma gave a soft laugh himself and wavedyou over to the couch.

“Don’t beembarrassed; you’re sick. Come on. I also bought tea leaves to makeyou something hot to drink, since I’m sure you could use it. Whydon’t you put a movie in and I’ll get started on making the tea?”

Defeated, youcrumpled to the floor in front of the small media cabinet that yourtelevision was sitting on. You only had a few DVDs and you’dwatched them all to death, but if picking a movie meant you’d getyour date after all then you’d bite your tongue and suck it up. Youchose one of the more exciting films - something you’d seen once inthe village’s theater and had liked enough to purchase - and pushedthe disc into the DVD player. By the time you made it back to yourseat on the couch, Genma was arriving with two mugs full of hot tea.He handed you one and your entire body warmed with the heat of thecup. He pushed the edge of your blanket out of the way and sat downnext to you, setting aside his cup and digging through the plasticbags on the table.

“Here’s themedicine,” he said as he deposited one bag into your lap and pulledanother bag closer.

Whenyou looked through it you found three different flavors of cold syrup - orange, grape, and cherry. So that’swhat he was talking about.

“And here’s thetissues.” He then opened the two paper bags and pulled out steamingtake-out cartons. “Just tell me what you want and you can have it.”

Silently, youadmired the man beside you as he shuffled around the cartons and setup a line of bottled drinks. He caught your eye and raised aneyebrow, and you could sense the questioning smile hiding behind thesurgical mask.

“What?”

“Noth-Nothing!”You held your cup tighter and brought it to your face, breathing inthe earthy scent of tea. “I just … really appreciate this.Th-Thank you.”

“No problem. Iwasn’t going to pass on an opportunity to go on a date with you.Even if it’s …” He motioned around the apartment and shrugged.“I didn’t really feel like walking all the way out to that curryplace tonight anyway.”

Feeling a bit bold,you gave him a serious look (which was made fairly intimidating withthe deep bags under your eyes and the raw skin around your nose) andsaid, “Well don’t think - uhm - that you’ll get out of t-takingme there one day … You promised me a-a date there … and I expectt-to go there.”

Genma pulled downthe mask to reveal his broad grin, his eyes locked on yours. “We’llgo when you feel better. Promise.”

You smiled back andpressed the rim of the hot cup to your lips. “You know - you didn’thave to go through all of this for me.”

“I said anything,didn’t I?”

“Huh?”

Genma pulled out apair of disposable chopsticks and broke them apart, handing you oneof the take-out containers. “I said I’d do anything for you,right? I meant it. Mostly. Some things I wouldn’t - … Anythingwithin reason, I guess. This was no bother. This the movie you wantto watch?”

He changed thesubject so quickly your foggy brain had a hard time keeping up. “Yeah… uhm, thank - thank you.”

Genma gave you asideways glance and a small smile pulled at his mouth. “You’dbetter stop talking before you lose your voice. We won’t be able totalk when we go out next week. Then what’ll we do?”

Shrinking into thewarmth of the blanket, you nodded. “Uh - oh, well … What if I’mnot feeling better by next week?”

“Oh, you will,”Genma said as he relaxed into the couch, kicking his legs up onto thecoffee table. “I’m gonna take care of you until you feel better,so you’ll have no excuse for canceling our next date.”

Blushing hotly, younodded and smiled down into your tea. You were starting to think thatmaybe being sick wouldn’t be so bad after all.

[oh-mother-of-darkness]

asks (40)

Anonymous said: Holy frick that is so encouraging and I needed that so much bc I literally visited my college to measure my dorm room and drove home in tears bc I panicked myself into a frenzy about whether or not everything leading me to this point has been a mistake and what if I fail and ruin my life before it even starts (I have since calmed down a little) so your encouragement was much needed & is much appreciated

I’m glad I could help <3 <3 <3 Good luck at school! I’m sure you’ll kick its ass

areverieofchaosdreams said: It's Fanfiction Writers Appreciation Day. So thank you for all your amazing stories!!!

Oh goodness I’m all a blushin :’)

Anonymous said: *HAPPY WRITER APPRECIATION DAY* Send this to someone whose talent has blown you away, who you'd like to encourage to keep on writing always, and who you'd like to thank for working their butt off to provide fandom members with breathtaking stories to consume! THANK YOU :D

Aw thank you!

Anonymous said: Hi! I Hope you're well! Do you still take fic requests? Because I really miss Colin Wilkes and I'd love to a story of him with your writing!

Unfortunately I don’t often take requests these days, but I’ll definitely keep Colin in mind!

dirtycherrypie said: hey! applying for WE for the R&D department (may or may not be aware of producing bat gadgets)

dirtycherrypie said: SHit forgot my name - Bea, at your service!

[Bruce Wayne voice] hired

tigers-and-weeds said: Literally just fell down the rabbit hole on your tumblr for the last 12-24 hours. I am in love with with you headcannons and fics! The angst feeds my soul... So I figured I would request: anything angsty with Dick and Damian please please please

Okay again I don’t usually take fic requests BUT I like me some angst so the odds that this will eventually happen.... are extremely high. I’ll try to remember to dedicate the next one to you :) And thank you!

math--ew said: I went on a little birthday vacation to california and I've never been to the beach before. I was bending down to grab a pretty shell and this huge wave knocked me face first into the sand. Like, five people saw and laghed but I got the shell so I guess it's a win win.

Duuuude back at Lake Michigan last month the same thing happened to me. I was taking care of my little sister and her five year old friend, so I was so busy making sure they were okay that the wave plowed me halfway across the beach

babybatbrat said: when i was in ap physics i once spent an entire study period in my physics teacher's room working on one problem. as far as i could tell i was doing all of the work correctly and had all the initial values right so i was racking my brain trying to figure out why i wasn't getting the right answer. the third time i went up to my teacher and asked for help he told me to start at the beginning and walk him through my process bc he couldn't tell why i was getting it wrong either (1)

babybatbrat said: (2) so i start the problem and explain how i got through all the values - "okay so the rod is 5 inches long and half of 5 is 3 and a half -" and i stopped there bc it occurred to me that 3.5 is not half of 5. "it's what?" My teacher asks. i put my head in my hands and stood there for a minute before picking up my work and walking to the back of the classroom while he laughed, bc i had just spent 45 minutes convinced that half of 5 was 3.5 and not, in fact, 2.5, and that was the only thing wrong

Honestly??? Relatable

babybatbrat said: One time i woke up at six in the morning to hear the neighbor's dog barking and instantly realized that meant my dog had jumped the fence, so i went racing outside and sprinted down the street to catch her. when i did i picked her up and turned around to go home and then saw my neighbor standing on their front porch, realized i was in only an oversized spiderman tshirt and snowman pajama shorts, holding a twenty pound labrador and thats how i met my new neighbors

Incredible...... 10/10.....

thrakaboom said: Not a funny story,but two days ago at comic con I met Tom King and he showed me a picture of his kids while he was signing my books

Well hey that’s pretty cool

Anonymous said: I adore your Tumblr. It was a wonderful way to get into the Batfamily fanbase; prior, I thought that there was only one Batman and a single Robin, dearie me was I wrong. And those stories you write, just great. The Headcanons are just as enjoyable. As for Batman, that has come to be a sibling enjoyment. Thank you for your contributions and existence!

!!!!!! Welcome to the crew!

frnkensteingrrrlz said: hey!!! i just went through ur reasons to be happy tag and!! i'm so so happy bc of it (esp the damian hcs, they're spot on imo and he's my favourite) so i hope u have a good day!!!

Thanks! I am having a good day today! Although I’m sure it’s been a long time since you sent this :////

Anonymous said: HELLO I have just discovered and binge-read all of your fics with my homeboy Damian in them, and just wanted to pop by and say that I love you & you are my hero & you write my boy so well so thank u and I hope your life is blessed & you achieve your wildest hopes & dreams

My day is made :D

badfaith00 said: Best batman storyline you've ever read ?

Ooooooh hm I’m mighty attached to n52 Batman and Robin? Particularly the first storyline, but the second is also fantastic

Anonymous said: THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR SHAMELESSLY REBLOGGING YOUR OWN WORK BC I HADNT SEEN IT BEFORE AND ITS HONESTLY SO PHENOMENAL ITS GOING ON MY LIST OF ALL TIME FAVORITES THANK U AND BLESS U

THANK YOU!!! THAT ONE IS MY FAVORITE AND I AM VERY PROUD OF IT

onwardmotley said: In today's Detective Comics someone finally told Bruce and co that Tim's alive. They didn't explain where he is, or how to get him back, but hey. It might've had more impact if anyone was seen actually mourning Tim and it wasn't just played as him being in cosmic time out, but at least it should end soon idk. Hopefully.

Tim Drake? It’s been years since I heard that name.....

Finally. Thank goodness.

Anonymous said: Idk if I prefer your soul crushing angst or your heartwarming fluff... actually I like to suffer so I'll stay with angst lol

Y’all seeing this? Anon gave me permission. Can’t yell at me next time because it won't be my fault (thanks babe :))

Anonymous said: for music, idk what kind of music u like so here is variety: St. Vincent - Paris is Burning, Sea Wolf - Dear Fellow Traveler (tbh everything by Sea Wolf is great), Dirt Poor Robins - Eleanor Rigby, Between Wind and Water- HAEL, Ellem - Kings and Queens and Vagabonds, The Rigs - Rise & Fall, Tally Hall - Light and Night, and Streetlight Manifesto - The Hands that Thieve.

Thank you! I’m excited to listen to these! I’ll start right now!

Anonymous said: 1) What are the good comics to read for Batfamily stuff (from any point in time) and 2) what are the best Jason Todd comics? Thanks!

Okay for Jason I would definitely start with the big ones, which are A Death In the Family and Under the Red Hood. After that you could try Red Hood: the Lost Days and Countdown to Final Crisis. I would avoid the n52 series until you have a good enough grasp of the character to recognize bad writing when you see it. 

For the generalized batfam.... that’s pretty broad. My personal favorites are Red Robin, Batgirl (2009), and both B&R series. If you have more specific questions, you should IM me! I promise I’m better about answering those than asks

yellowwallsbluesky said: Have you heard Swooner by The Zolas? I've really been jamming to it lately

Listening to it right now! Sounds like a bop so far :)

Anonymous said: Hidden citizens paint it black 💜

Much obliged!

Anonymous said: Harry styles "sign of the times".

[adds to list] thank you!

neo669 said: I MISS CASA OLE!! Sorry just read that you lived in Bryan/College Station and I used to live there as well. It's kinda hard to find people that even know that it exists. But I'm sure you can kick law schools butt. You got this!

Yooooooo I miss cstat too :((((

palliddark said: Adalgiza, and I'll be a translator (English to Brazilian Portuguese)

[Bruce Wayne voice] also hired

maeofthedead said: I love your headcannons and now I sort of want to cry thank

Excellent that is the exact target response 

Anonymous said: Love your rant in the tags about the pizza making I'm laughing so hard

Listen..... I have strong feelings

Anonymous said: Did you hear they're making an omnibus of Tomasi's entire run on Batman & Robin?? I just heard and now I kinda want to get this massive book in honor of my favorite batkid and the series that made me love him so much

Man I already have all the individual volumes but if I didn’t......

sonicboom00724601 said: Hi. :) Nice headcanon. :)

I’m not sure which one you’re talking about, but thank you! You're real sweet

Anonymous said: can you maybe write an interaction between Wonder Woman and Captain America? I absolutely adore your style and would love to see your take on it.

Hmmmm I don’t really have a good enough grasp of Captain America’s characterization to try that one :////

Anonymous said: i tried to kill on mosquito that was on my ceiling by slamming it with a book but mosquito was on the move so i bounced swiftly and jammed both my wrist and thumb and now my existence is Pain. also my thumbs swelling and looks purple, so that's nice

Oh shit anon you good???

daziy said: Do we know who Barbara's mother usually is?

Yeah! In her original version, Babs had a birth mom and an adopted mom. She was originally Jim’s niece, so her birth mom’s name was Thelma Gordon. After the adoption, her parents were Jim and Barbara Gordon, with her adopted mother being her namesake. So two Barbara Gordons.

I think for awhile the canon was that her mother died in a car crash, but the current version has her still alive. She left Jim when Babs was young, taking her son (Babs’s brother) with her. James Gordon (the son) turned out to be a serial killer. 

Barbara Gordon Sr. and James Gordon Jr. both appeared in the n52 Batgirl series during the Death of the Family arc. There’s also a very good story about James from the Dickbats period. That one’s called The Black Mirror, if I’m not mistaken?

Anonymous said: Hi! What do you think of the upcoming metal event? Dick and Damian seem to have a big role in it ( I hope Jason is involved too but there's still no sign of it)

Hmmmm I don’t know that I have an opinion just yet, but as always, I hope to be pleasantly surprised 

Anonymous said: bless you are your wonderful tagging system. know that i may have avoided death because of how easy it was to f ind the thing I wanted in your tags. bless

Oh goodness anon I hope you’re not serious about almost dying.... but thanks?

Anonymous said: hi amy! would u say that damians narrative is written as a child abuse one? like there are definitely many allusions to it but its also not as explicit as say, cassandra or rose. like how much of it would u chalk up to comic world dynamics and how much to actual abuse? also would u consider jason to also be a case of this?

Oh I have very strong opinions about the role of abuse in Damian’s narrative. It’s absolutely there, and the effects are staggeringly large. There is no doubt in my mind that the league was an abusive environment, and I can’t justify some of the things Bruce did either.

I think I would say the same thing for Jason, if not quite as strongly. I definitely think that some of the things that happened to Jason as a child shaped his story later on, but less of those were abuse than outside circumstances. The n52 takes a different track on that one, I think, but I don’t put much stock in that characterization. 

Anonymous said: has jason forgiven bruce for not killing joker? if so, what made him?

Unlikely. They get along better these days, but I would argue that comes from poor characterization of Bruce, not an actual resolution process. 

mellenabrave said: My mom accidentlly threw my Damian doll away (╥_╥)

Tossed in the garbage by yet another parent--

Anonymous said: Whoa where'd you get that bat and oracle shirt you're wearing in your necklace pic? It's so cool! (The necklace is also gorgeous!)

Shoot I think it was from Redbubble? But I can’t find it now

Anonymous said: Omg that necklace was so cool!!! Kudos to the maker of it!! Also I really like your top!!

Thank you <3

[doetoes-blog]

7/22/2017

- i love my bf sm i can’t wait to marry him and have a little girl named josephine and two sweet bb golden retrievers and go on family hikes together and ahhhhhh

- i’m going to a gender reveal party for my step cousin thing and i’m supposed to wear a shirt the same color as what i think the baby is and i think it’s a boy but i only own pink and white shirts? help

- i called this place i used to volunteer at under the old management (a guided horse trail thingy thingy) 2 weeks ago, she said she’d text me the application, she never did. i emailed them one week ago and never got a response. i called yesterday and she said she’d email me the application within an hour, and i never got an email. DO THEY HATE ME? IM JUST TRYING TO WORK FOR FREE Y'ALL

- and speaking of that, the humane society hasn’t emailed me back either even though i got the direct email to the volunteer coordinator. i guess i need to call on tuesday. I JUST WANT TO HELP YOU WHY ARE YOU MAKING THIS DIFFICULT LET ME WORK FOR YOU FOR FREE

- i have yet to get a call or email or anything about any of the jobs i’ve applied for and idk where to apply next because idk of any other place i could work with my anxiety issues. and this is s t r e s s f u l because like if i can’t even get an entry level job how am i ever going to do anything with my life? i can hardly even find a job i can do, and i don’t even know if the jobs i’ve applied for will even make the accommodations i need. idk what to do.

- last night i woke up with my brain screaming at me that i’m faking my eating disorder because i ate a lot yesterday and if i want anyone to care about me i need to lose x pounds. i made a plan to start dieting again after today (because of the party and my family knows about my ed so i can’t not eat around them) but when i woke up i was like nah i like being healthy and not feeling sick all the time. so maybe i am fake???? everyone else takes forever to get back to eating normal sized meals and it took me like 2 months and now i’m eating like a cow. like even my mom said i was just making up having an eating disorder because i want attention so idk maybe she’s right and if i don’t starve myself until i’m thin enough i’m a disgusting piece of crap who just makes everyone around me miserable.

- i haven't been studying norwegian so i've lost all my confidence and i can't make myself study now so i guess i'm just going to suffer and die a monolingual SCUM. rly tho it is depressing because i want to learn the language, i just feel like i'm too dumb to ever be fluent.

[the-little-prophet]

CHARACTER QUESTIONNAIRE: CHARLIE LITTLE 

ORIGINS & FAMILY: Name: Charles Boon-Mee Kai Little   Nickname: Charlie, Kai (Kai is Charlie’s chu len-- or Thai nickname.) Reason for name: Charles’ father wanted Charlie to have an English name first and foremost and named Charlie after himself. Boon-Mee is Charlie’s Thai name which means “good fortune.” Kai was the nickname that his mother chose because he was born early and was very small. Kai means chicken. ;) Age: 19 Gender: Male Place of birth: Swynlake, England Places lived since: Nowhere! Number of siblings: Charlie has one stepbrother from his mother’s second marriage. He usually only sees them when he visits his mother-- usually twice a year, hardly ever more. 

Relationship with family (close? estranged?): Dad–Charles “Buck” Little used to be a pro baseball player from Los Angeles California, but an injury early on in his career benched him and ended that career. Instead, Charles “Buck” Little became an insurance agent and got a job working at InterPride until Taka Lyons took over and fired half his department. That was four years ago. Now Buck gets disability insurance and works at Pride U in their IT department.

Mum- Dr. Phailin Dilsworth, formerly Little, formerly Chaisurivirat. First-generation American, became a college professor and found a job teaching at Pride University where she had her first child, Charlie. She was NOT into the magick-friendly thing as much as Charles was and wanted to move for a long time. She blamed Swynlake as a big part as to why Charlie had his chronic sleeping disorder. Eventually she got a job teaching in a school down in Bournemouth and left Charlie and Buck when he was 9 years old. She remarried when he was 10 and moved with her husband, who was also a professor, to Toronto. Charlie talks to his mom on the phone every month or so and sees her for a few weeks in the summer/every other Christmas.

Sylvester Dilsworth- Charlie’s stepbrother-- same age-- who thinks Charlie is a #freak for growing up in Swynlake, aka England’s great failed experiment. Wants to go into Psychology like his dad (thinks Charlie is #crazy). Charlie does not like Syl.

PHYSICAL Height: 5’6 (teeny) Weight: 125 ish idk height Build: Charlie has always been very short since he was a child and grew very slowly. He’s kinda still hoping he’ll put on another inch or two before he’s done growing but… looking pretty hopeless Nationality: English Disabilities (physical or mental, including mental illnesses): Charlie has severe astigmatism in his eyes. He’s severely sleep-deprived and suffers from dissociative episodes. Complexion (freckles, acne, skin tone, birth marks): Olive-toned skin, and a few moles on his face and neck. Often times cuts himself shaving (does it like every few days) and so he’ll have tiny nicks here and there. Also misses lil hairs all the time, look he’s trying Distinguishing facial features: His very big thick glasses lmao and he’s got quite pretty eyes in my opinion, even if they are hidden behind his messy fringe and big, thick glasses.  Round cherub cheeks.

Hair color: Black. Usual hair style: Messy and long-- Charlie never has time to brush his hair in the morning   Eye color: Dark brown Glasses? Contacts?: yes to both though contacts bother his eyes.

Style of dress/typical outfit(s): Charlie comes from a middle-class family and dresses like a typical Brit-- sweaters over collared shirts, that kind of thing. He leans toward hipster-esque if only because he likes comfy sweaters because it’s easiest to fall asleep in haha, and he’s often seen around in pajama pants and zip up jumpers if he slept past his alarm and had no time to change. I would call his style “frumpy nerd chic.” Typical style of shoes: He wears a lot of Toms because they are comfy and easy to slip on, so you know, better than sandals. Health (is this person usually sick? or very resilient?): Chronically sleep-deprived, Charlie also suffers from migraines. He’s noticed that if he has bad migraines one day, he’ll probably have a night terror. Which stresses him out. And makes the migraine worse. Otherwise, Charlie is a relatively healthy young boy, with pollen allergies in the spring but no other sensitivities.   

Grooming (does she/he wear makeup? shower daily? wear only clean clothes? pluck her eyebrows?): NGL this could be better but it’s not his fault he’s just very tired. He does take a shower nearly every day (cold showers to wake him up) and does his own laundry so he had clean clothes. But he often does not brush his hair and wears hats to make up for it. Jewelry? Tattoos? Piercings?: None thus far! He does wear a watch. Accent?: Typical brit Unique mannerisms/physical habits: He rubs his eyes a lot and toys with his hair. He cleans his glasses both as a compulsion and because a lot of the time when he tries to rub his eyes he will hit his glasses and need to clean them from all the finger smears.   Athletic?: He’s pretty fast and limber due to yoga and many years spent running from disasters, whether real or imagined. But Charlie won’t be beating anybody up lol INTELLECT Level of education: Completed a nurse’s assistantship and has a pheblotomist’s license. Taking uni courses on the side, hopes to one day be a proper doctor/surgeon. Level of self esteem: Medium-low. Charlie feels like a burden to his father and a freak to other people even though he knows he can’t help his condition. Years of therapy mean he’s pretty in touch with his sense of self though so while he beats himself up, he does have coping mechanisms. He also knows he is trying his best !! Gifts/talents: An excellent drawer, a pretty great cook, and a hard worker. He also has a lot of practical life skills. He’s a practical guy. Shortcomings: He can struggle to concentrate because of his health issues, he’s pretty cowardly and paranoid, he overreacts, he’s a bit socially awkward (not in a shy kind of way-- Charlie is actually outgoing ish but because he doesn’t have many friends he doesn’t understand a lot of the social cues. His desperation for friendship is also Not Attractive). Style of speech (loud, mumbler, articulate, etc.): Nervous talker for sure. Doesn’t stammer, just goes on and on and on. Definitely overshares when nervous. “Left brain” or “right brain” thinker?: Left-brained.Charlie is deductive, rational, and wants to be a doctor someday. His secondary -claw is super strong and he craves an explanation for things and hates that he doesn’t have one for his night terrors. The fact that it could be magic also doesn’t comfort him but scares him, despite growing up in Swynlake (hey he thought he was a Mundus all the time ok!) beccause he doesn’t uNDeRstanD and can’t conTrol it. Artistic?: Yes, uses charcoal and pastels. Mathematical?: Yes, he’s p good at math. Languages? Just English. He once spoke in Tongues during one of his Doomer episodes but that was probably a glitch haha. His mother never taught him any Thai.

Makes decisions based mostly on emotions, or on logic?: Logic, always logic.

Neuroses: Thinks World Is Ending At All Times

Life philosophy: uh don’t die? Do the good you can with the tools you have. Be Prepared-- Two is one, and one is none (aka hvae two of everything; its a prepper mantra). 

Religious stance:  Is starting to explore aspects of buddhism which is tied to his Thai culture (something he’s very distanced from especially because his mother no longer lives with him and she was pretty removed from it too) and hopes will help him with his night terrors.

Cautious or daring?:  Cautious Optimist or pessimist?: Pessimist- the world is literally always ending.

Extrovert or introvert?: Ambivert, leaning to introversion. If Charlie had friends, he’d probably prefer smaller get togethers and that kind of thing but he would totally socialize and likes talking to people and working together in group projects charlie it is so sad that school is your main form of interaction.   Level of comfort with technology: Very comfortable. True millennial. Instagram, Twitter, FB, blog. He depends on his phone and computer a lot for his social life/coping mechanisms. He definitely has internet friends who are doomers like him.

RELATIONSHIPS Current marital/relationship status: Single Sexual orientation: Bi. Charlie doesn’t really think about romance that much because he’s mostly preoccupied with Death but he had a crush his bff as a smol boy (who was also a smol boy) and also has crushed on girls from afar (and tbh probably kinda crushes on Minnie a bit because she’s so pretty and kind to him). He never really questioned it and so its a nonissue for him. He would like to have a romantic life one day but kinda thinks its impossible like who would like him he’s CRAZY. He can’t even sleep a whole night thru let alone with another person in the bed.

Past relationships: As a boy, he had a crush on his bff at the time--Nate. Nate’s family moved away following one of Swynlake’s disasters bc they weren’t gonna fuck with that shit.

A social person? (popular, loner, some close friends, makes friends and then quickly drops them): Charlie is not afraid to strike up conversation and sort of accepts his reputation as a Crazy Person so that helps deal with any social anxiety (he’s too busy with his generalized anxiety thanks hahahah.) He has a few people in his classes who are willing to work with him on projects and stuff, a few internet friends-- but otherwise he considers a lot of the patients at the hospital his friends… problematic charlie ur friends r gonna die

Most comfortable around (person): His...cat? SECRETS Life goals: Charlie has always wanted to be a doctor. He wants to be able to respond to medical emergencies like the ones that he’s seen, so he’s thinking of trauma surgery but is open to other paths (he’s also pretty interested in neuro because of his own disorder; he also loves kids, so pediatrics). Just as long as he can help people.   Dreams: it would be nice to have a normal one whats that like   Greatest fears: Death, dying, disaster. And that he’ll be helpless in the face of all that and can’t save the ones that he loves. Also that he’s gonna be a lowkey embarrassment to his father for the rest of his life. Most ashamed of: His night terrors and the fact that he drove his mom away (he didn’t). Compulsions: Snacking. He snacks a lot during the night and when he watches tv. Obsessions: Watching the Golden Girls a lot, also the impending apocalypse which he had been prepping for since he was small.   Secret hobbies: ...being a prepper…. Is that a hobby…astronomy also thats more normal !! Secret skills:... prepping… Crimes committed (and was he/she caught? charged?): none thank god What he/she most wants to change about his/her current life: Find a cure for his illness/curse What he/she most wants to change about his/her physical appearance: Charlie would really like to be TALL. His dad is very tall and he got none of those genes and he feels like a pipsqueak and kind of helpless and he sort of is. So number one: TALL. Then he’d like to not have glasses and one day wants to get laser eye surgery to correct his vision, especially if he wants to be a surgeon.

DETAILS/QUIRKS Night owl or early bird?: Night Owl bc he’s terrified of sleeping. Light or heavy sleeper?: heavy sleeper. When he is sleeping, nothing can wake up but like, his dreams or his father shaking and yelling at him. He sleeps like he’s dead lmao Favorite food: Spicy food is his fave. Loves sushi, also loves chips and potato crisps and snack foods in general. When he’s too tired to cook, he’ll just eat an entire bag of crisps.   Least favorite food: Charlie isn’t a fan of a lot of red meats, like burgers and stuff. Favorite book: uhhhh mmmmm charlie isnt a big reader, he’s usually watching television. If he’s reading, he’s reading medical cases and articles.   Least favorite book:  horror story books Favorite movie: old musicals, honestly-- Hello Dolly, Pajama Game, that kind of thing. Very soothing. Probably LOVES It’s A Wonderful Life. Least favorite movie: horror movies leave him alone Favorite song: gosh idk Least favorite song: idk eIETHER probably does not metal Crunchy or smooth peanut butter?: crunchy Lefty or righty?: leftY Favorite color: green or brown Cusser?: er, a bit, normal youngin. He doesn’t curse in front of adults though he’s pretty good about that. Smoker? Drinker? Drug user?: Charlie has had a few drinks here and there a social drinker if anything. Though he does wonder if drinking a lot could squash the dreams though this is a bad path for him to wander down. He has also thought the same about #drugs but is kind of a wimp and so he hasn’t tried any...yet Biggest regret: Charlie feels like he was a big part of the wedge that drove his mother to divorce his father because they had diff ways of dealing with charlie’s condition aka-- his mother wanted to deal with it and his father didn’t. This isnt really true, just another thing the two disagreed on. Pets?: A cat that his mom left behind! She’s old and fat and grey and her name is Emily