#idk. i could be bullshitting. ig what it comes down to is

[trainingdummyrabbit]

see the thing that i like so much about ruina so far is that it doesnt feel like its telling you to do something. like, specifically, it presents characters in situations, and reveals how they handle it. and afterwards... its just over. theyve simply done what they had to. theres never really any "ah, they were Flawed because they did This, so instead of doing That you should take This lesson from it." characters just... Are, and Do. theres no heavy urge to chamge the way you think, for lack of a better description. rather, it places down concepts and leaves it there, giving space for Thought rather than Explanation.

even with cut ins of angela and roland doing their own commentary-- it's never really presented as a You Should Take This Concept From This, but rather as... them Also figuring it out. because Everyone in the cast is just... odd, messy, flawed-- human. you can take away the same thing they do, or not. because everyone just does what they think is right, and deal with the consequences of it. it doesnt matter. things just move on. theres something refreshing about it.

[snackugaki]

... just make an iteration* for fun, I said

a universe where they've made it into their late 30s-early 40s and they chill and can be serene in the company of friends and family for once. maybe a flashback or two for the action moments

"fix" your childhood turtles so they can have a reprieve and some shenanigans, i reasoned with myself--

WELP.

my tmnt au iteration (where everyone made it past their 20s, splinter’s alive just old, venus is here, and they deserve some goddamn respite and shenanigans)

tmnt au iteration part 1 | part 2 | part 3 | part 4 | part 5 | part 6 | part 7 | part 8 | part 9

tmnt au iteration omake 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11

lny visit 1 | 2

is this actually new ramblings for the iteration or like one new lore bit and just a rerererererehashing of lore i sprinkled across the other posts.

first though, with my sorta-outsider-not-active-participant-in-fandom history I realized "au" isn't the proper term for what I've been doing, the more suitable term is "iteration".

and we're gonna sit with the fact that even someone at my old-ass age recognized my previous understanding of a term was, for all intents and purposes, not entirely correct and that I acknowledged it, rectified when I could, and that's it, it can be that easy.

...

okay back to the bullshit.

so my Mondo was introduced in the Archie run, a funky guy with a metal band called Merciless Slaughter, dressed like a punk Hulk, all around good peoples, hung out with the Mutanimals.

His design cobbling isn't too deep, I don't think. Just thought it'd be more rad if he looked more like a guy who fronts a band called Merciless Slaughter while remaining the same ol' Mondo inside, post mutation.

Kept some of his original color palette around in his hat, his pants, his NYHC logo (links) knockoff, and his little dyed leather cord bracelets.

the letters for the logo are for, Skate or Die (across), and Merciless Slaughter (down)

hmm still waffling on if I'm more tickled by him being taller than Mikey or the same height (5'4")

_________

and now for the rererererehash rambling because none of this design progression is coming out linear for me. so super quick, am an original 90s turtlemania survivor, Rise brought me back, gorged Rise then Bay then 2007 movie then rererererewatching of Next Mutation and the 90s trilogy for fun then hacking my way back through the Archie and Mirage runs then caught up with IDW and then just... slogging through 2003 and 2012 which honestly I feel like I got the gists of through gif sets alone.

one hand I can see why old fans (90s turtlemania) didn't seem to like the Rise designs, ours really were just the same li'l green dude but in different colors and hit sticks looks-wise. But here comes Rise with all the character design classics: different shapes! different sizes! exaggeration! and that's on top of all the nudges and twists made to the usual lore; Raphael is now the oldest, Leo and Donnie are now twins, they're different species of turtles, they're tools for war, brand new antagonists etc.

idk, to me when I was watching that shit, it was fun and refreshing so... ionno, built different cope maybe to the other oldheads pissing their pantaloons still ig whatevs

what tickles me most, personally, is the utter fuckton of Rise AUs, and a few Rise-driven iterations, and also some of the other non canon media iterations. so tickled that I got hit by the makeaniterationigitis itllbefunoccocal virus too. UnU (i'm kidding, i'm having so much fucking fun) just I'm addressing the flowers I wanna give to the kids who took Rise's take on tmnt and just RAN with the "different turtle species" from full out coloring their turtles the same as the species they picked to mimicking Rise's design language with different markings.

God, the markings thing just really nestled into my heart, it's such a simple thing and yet it took Rise to just try it, not even a lot, just a little for flavorrrrr. It's just enjoyable as fuck to me tbh and I'm sharpening my teeth when I revisit my coloring choices for the 8th time... fuck where was I?

right, mine are mistakes. wrongright place at the wrongright time, mutagen was there and now they can swing swords around and eat pizza.

someone(s) was high tailing it outta a TGRI lab with some mutagen barrels, driving recklessly while a bunch of eco-vigilantes had broken out of a pet shop that was the face of a black market pet trade/medicine/exotic food racket of endangered species. hence where their bit of human pre-mutagenic contact comes from (the strike team of people who freed them from their cages because all of them were endangered species & destined for a tank, a cutting board or a pill box); including a sea turtle Venus, Leatherhead, Tokka, Rahzar, Man-Ray some others etc etc. Jennika keeping her origin because it was dope as fuck. splinter was just there watching this symphony of human fuckery happen and decided to adopt some kids with no one asking (it was tang shen's onryo that is rooted in Splinter's mind that was asking, shh)

and ever since it clicked when I was gathering ref shots, ✨sea turtle Venus just makes sense✨ to me, it's taken my brain stem and rung it like a bell for new year's nonstop and i am not mad

... fuck, I am but also am not looking forward to when I start delving into ninjutsu, ninpo, Venus' whole schtick and how the supernatural fits into this world that I definitely don't need to be fleshing out this much just to draw them chilling on April's couch.

i've got like over 70 refs, holy shit

[seongminiz]

hello my luv!! ngl i was laughing my ass off when i found out seongmin had beat taeyoung’s horse cock allegations😭😭 but like picture this.. you’re taeyoung’s best friend who came along that exact video and decided to tease him over it when he came for movie night.

“better shut your mouth before i shove it in to shut it for you”

also would it be alright if i could become 🫙 anon? much love to youu🤍🤍🤍

(not me turning this into a whole ass fic help)(n ofc u can be 🫙 anon !!)

review : ★★☆☆☆ , not that big tbh

minors dni ; ~1.7k words

warnings not proof read its like 3am i'll fix this in the morning , dom taeyoung , bratty reader , rlly lighthearted unserious n kinda fluffy , oral (m rec) , unprotected sex :3 (its not a jo seongminiz fic without it tbh) , creampie , big dick taeyoung :') , bulge kink n a little of size kink ig ? idk taeyoung refers to reader as tiny in one instance , liiittle bit of dumbification , i used the words cock n dick so much in this they dont even feel like real words anymore send help , some of the dialog is kinda cringe sawrry abt that , the whole smut part is cringe tbh im going to set myself on fire how am i a smut writer that doesn't know how to write smut

note no bc the way they were talking abt cock n balls on national television like CAN WE HAVE SOME DECORUM PLS anyways ! THE WRITERS BLOCK HAS BEEN CURED Y'ALL cant believe it took taeyoung having a small dick to fix this i love ur brain anon bc like .. YES . i can picture this so well . n i am NAWT letting the taeyoung monster cock agenda go no matter what seongmin says ik hes lyingggg

deep down u know what seongmin said was nothing more than a joke with barely any truth to it. it's not like you're unfamiliar with taeyoung's size, having your fair experience of accidentally rubbing ur ass against him while you were cuddling one too many times and causing some awfully awkward accidents because of it.

still, teasing taeyoung is wayyy more fun than acknowledging any of that. and for once, actually grinding down on him to get a reaction while you're cuddled up on your couch, watching a shitty movie you picked randomly, is fun too.

you can clearly feel taeyoung's bulge growing, just as you can feel him trying to move behind you to make it a little better (and ultimately making it worse each time), and you can hear the way his breath gets heavier by the minute, trying to stifle a few whines here and there you want to hear more of so badly.

when you 'innocently' grind against him once more under the pretense of stretching, taeyoung's last weak bit of restraint is gone. he groans, a hand firmly gripping your hips to hold you in place and finally stop your cruel shenanigans.

'can you stop that?' taeyoung asks, voice strained. 'stop what?' you look behind you and up at him, eyes wide in the fakest innocent expression you can come up with.

'you know what i'm talking about, you're...' he sits up, finally freeing himself from the close contact with you and quickly grabbing a pillow to hide his boner. you smirk to yourself, shaking your head as you sit up too. 'you're making me hard...' he finally says, lowering his voice so you can barely hear him over the movie playing.

'oh!' your expressions shifts to one of even faker concern, pouting a little. 'sorry about that. i didn't really feel anything, though, that's why i didn't notice...' you both know your explanation is bullshit. taeyoung knows that, he's sure of it even as you whisper something along the lines of 'i guess seongmin was right about it not being that big.'

still, he somehow finds himself trying to desperately defend his pride, barely managing to stutter out something about seongmin being a liar and how you both know you're just playing along with that whole bit for shits and giggles.

'am i?' you tilt your head to the side, keeping up your act as well as you can until the inevitable happens. 'you know, i've never really seen it, so how would i know? i guess until i do, i'll just have to trust seongmin on his word...'

for the first time that night, taeyoung actually laughs. 'if you wanted to see my dick that bad, you should've just asked,' he moves the pillow away, and you can finally shamelessly stare at his very obvious bulge as much as you want. taeyoung takes his sweet time with it , undoing the strings of his sweatpants and hooking his thumbs in the waistband before looking up at you, taking in your shocked expression and the way you're basically hypnotized by the sight of his still clothed cock.

because holy shit. you knew seongmin was just messing with him when he made that joke, you knew he was somewhat big, but this?

'this is a fucking monster cock what the fuck?'

the words leave your mouth before you can properly process them and, at the same time, with a quick motion taeyoung gets rid of both his sweatpants and boxers at once, finally snapping you out of your dick-induced trance.

just to have you plummet into an even worse one, probably. because not only is taeyoung's dick enormous, it also looks pretty as fuck.

'told you so,' he simply says, one of his hands gently lifting your chin so you can face him, his demeanor suddenly more serious. 'you're still okay with this, right?'

'of course,' you manage to say, breaking the heavy eye contact for a split second to steal yet another glance at taeyoung's dick. despite your voice shaking, and your actions not matching your words, you try to once again keep up that same act that brought you exactly where you are right now. 'plus, i was right, it's not even that big.'

'oh, really?' taeyoung's hand leaves your face and slides down to your shoulder, a silent command you follow with no objections, sliding off the couch and to your knees on the cold floor beneath you, right between his legs.

and face to face with his cock.

'let's hope it's at least big enough to shut you up, then,' taeyoung runs his hand through your hair, firmly gripping it 'maybe you'll be able to put your moth to good use for once.'

at that moment, you genuinely wish taeyoung was smaller. because no matter how hard you try, you can't seem to be able to take all of him in your mouth, using your hand to cover the part you can't reach.

truth is, taeyoung isn't as relaxed as he would want to be either. the simple fact you can't take all of him is enough to rile him up even more, fighting the urge to just take charge and fuck your mouth like he really wants to.

'so much for it not being that big, huh?' his words come out weak, broken by small moans and whimpers in between them.

of course you don't- you can't reply to taeyoung's taunts, at least verbally, so you opt for trying to take him deeper. the action makes you gag, the tip of his cock hitting the back of your throat. taeyoung almost cums right then and there, his resolve slowly crumbling and breaking down as he pulls you off of him.

after all, he has greater plans than just cumming down your throat. and if the way you whimper and rub your thighs together once he leaves your mouth empty is anything to go by, you do too.

taeyoung gently helps you up and back on the couch. his lips are immediately on yours, pulling you into a heated makeout as he gets rid of your shorts and underwear, sliding one hand between your legs to be met with your soaked cunt. you whine into the kiss, pulling away from him and grabbing on his wrist.

'don't tease me,' you complain. taeyoung wants to laugh at you. after all you've done and said, you are the one who doesn't want to be teased? if that's what you want, though...

'right, you said it's not that big anyways, you should be able to take it right away, no?'

what taeyoung didn't expect you to do was actually agree. you desperately nod, hand still wrapped around his wrist 'i can take it, please.'

or maybe you can't, but at this moment you'd rather die impaled on your best friend's cock than admit you were wrong, even when all the evidence - especially your own lived one - points to your defeat.

you definitely can't.

that's what you realize as taeyoung starts to push the head of his cock inside you and your eyes immediately fill with tears.

'fuck... you're so-'

'i'm not the problem here, you're just fucking big.' you cut him off. your head is spinning and, despite the pain, you can't deny how good you actually feel. how full you are, even as you look down and realize he's barely halfway inside of you.

you close your eyes, squeezing taeyoungs's hand. when did you even start holding it? you don't remember, probably somewhere between when you yelled at him to 'fucking slow down' and when you threatened to 'cut your dick off if you dare to cum before you're all the way in'.

luckily for taeyoung, your threats will have to wait and his cock - a national treasure at this point - will live to see another day.

now that he's fully buried inside your cunt, you can finally adjust to his size, slowly relaxing until it doesn't hurt (that much) anymore. 'you can move,' you say after a while, your hips bucking up in encouragement as taeyoungs's grip on your sides tightens.

'fucking finally, i thought i was going to die before i got to properly fuck you,' his joke and your laugh to it are short lived, cut off by the both of you moaning in unison as he starts picking up his pace.

you're so overwhelmed, you can feel taeyoung everywhere inside you, so deep you're pretty sure you should be dead at this point. you're grateful you're not, though, you're pretty sure if you were you wouldn't be able to feel the way the tip of his cock relentlessly bullies your sweet spot, paired with his fingers right on your clit and...

'fuck look at this,' you whine when the stimulation on your clit subsides, but your disappointment doesn't last long, taeyoung places that same hand on your lower stomach, pressing on the very evident bulge formed by taeyoungs's cock ramming inside you.

'but it's not that big right? fuck... maybe you're right, i might not be that big, maybe you're just too tiny for me.'

you moan at taeyoung's words, too far gone to properly process them as you mindlessly nod. 'aw, did i fuck you too dumb? can't think properly when i'm fucking you this good?' he coos at you, and you can't do anything but nod again.

'so full... going to cum,' you can barely speak before you're clenching down even more on his cock, cumming with no further warning.

if taeyoung wasn't about to cum before, he definitely is now, his hips picking up the pace even more as he helps you ride through your high and starts to overstimulate you chasing his own.

his dick twitches inside of you, and you swear you couldn't almost cum again just from that, as his hips stutter and finally slow down, his cum filling you up.

you're both panting, trying to recover from probably the most mind blowing highs of your life.

when you make eye contact with taeyoung, he starts laughing again.

'what?' you ask.

'so? did i change your mind?'

you shrug, suppressing your own laugh 'eh, not really... it wasn't that big to be honest'

:3 thats it bye omg shitty ending everybody say thank u jo seongminiz

[underworld-park-offical]

CRAIG: Hiiiiiiiiiiiiiii

TOLKIEN: Hey

CLYDE: I can’t believe you’re alive right now, holy shit

CRAIG: Rude!! Smh my fuckin head Clyde!!! TOLKIEN: Sooo…. about this dream?

CRAIG: Oh yeah it was whack like

CRAIG: Weird

CRAIG: And I don't even remember most of it atm

TOLKIEN: Then why are you telling us about it?

CRAIG: Idk tbh

CRAIG: Was my current aesthetic ig

CRAIG: So like, in my dream y’all left and I was alone with the Ouija board

CRAIG: Then I did what anyone would do

TOLKIEN: Put it away?

CRAIG: Uhm, no????

TOLKIEN: Of course you didn’t

CRAIG: ...

CRAIG: Shut up

CRAIG: ...

CRAIG: Anyway

CRAIG: I was talking to this demon or whatever the hell, and then it told me it hated me

CRAIG: Which is such BULLSHIT oml 

TOLKIEN: No its not

TOLKIEN: You’re one of the most fucking unbearable people I’ve ever met

CRAIG: I am literally SO pleasant to be around tf do you mean?!?

CLYDE: You’re worse than my IBS dude

CRAIG: NO I AM NOTTTTTTUHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!

CRAIG: GODDDDDDUHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!.

CRAIG: ...

CRAIG: So then

CRAIG: There's a knock on my window, right?

CRAIG: I'm scrambling around trying to find my phone then I turn around and see this demon guy?

CRAIG: Idrk

CRAIG: I'm half convinced he was like

CRAIG: A furry or a cosplayer idrk

CRAIG: But he was speaking in like

CRAIG: Tongues or something?

CRAIG: I asked them to speak English but he didn't

TOLKIEN: What if he couldn’t speak English you insensitive asshole?

CRAIG: Oh no he could

TOLKIEN: How could you tell?

CRAIG: Amongst the gibberish, there was like

CRAIG: Bits of English?

CRAIG: Idfk

CLYDE: Woahh

CLYDE: Freaky dude

CRAIG: No shit

CRAIG: I recorded like EVERYTHING

CRAIG: But I didn't have any time to edit it so like

CRAIG: Flop

TOLKIEN: You almost died and all you care about is getting likes and views?

CRAIG: Uhhh, yeah?

CRAIG: Like I said last night, 

CRAIG: Followers ain't gonna get themselves

CLYDE: Dude, do you have gum?

CRAIG: No?

CLYDE: Shit

TEACHER: Okay Class! Sit down and shut your damn mouths

TEACHER: I hope you all worked on the weekend homework

TEACHER: I will be collecting it from you all shortly, but first,

TEACHER: We have a new victi-

TEACHER:  (Ahem) I- I mean student, yes…. student…

TEACHER: Well come on up!

TEACHER: Come on, don’t be shy!

TEACHER: Tell the class your name, sweetie

???: Uhhh…

TWEEK: T-Tweek!

TWEEK: Tweek Tweak!

TWEEK: I uhm

TWEEK: I- I just transferred! Fr- From uhh...

TWEEK: O...Ohio....yeah...

TWEEK: Ohio...

TEACHER: (Oh my god can I just have one normal student for once)

TWEEK: W…what was that?

(EDITS MADE BY @pissblanket )

[faggotmox]

oh you know I gotta. "tell me it was a lie. tell me you're playing with me right now." with eddieclaudio

angsty romance prompts [ @sarahcakes613 ]

summary: this prompt was perfect for the "trauma magnet" series. actually fits perfectly into the plot. ig technically this is a spoiler but i was able to write it without really any of the details that spoil the plot. idk if that makes sense. Eddie learns something about Claudio's past that could cause the end of their relationship. prompt: "tell me it was a lie. tell me you're playing with me right now."

The papers were tightly clutched in Claudio's hands as he tried to offer them to Eddie, but the New Yorker shook his head. Heavy boots thumped on the wood floors as Eddie paced for a moment.

"Eddie--"

"Tell me it was a lie." Eddie stopped, his eyes fixating on the Swiss man. "Tell me you're playing with me right now."

"Eddie--"

"Tell me it was a lie!" Eddie kicked over the chair at the kitchen table. "Tell me you're paying with me right now!"

The loud clatter and breaking of the chair was enough to make Claudio back up a few feet. His eyes on the floor, and shoulders hunched. Clearly he couldn't answer Eddie the way Eddie was demanding. Tears started rolling down Eddie's face, his words came out choked and pained.

"We been together for six fuckin' months, Claude." Eddie couldn't even look at his boyfriend. "I moved into your home a month ago and you've been lying the whole time!"

"I wasn't lying!" Claudio pleaded, finally looking up. "See!" He held the package of papers up as if that would quell the raging anger in front of him but Eddie just knocked the packet out of his hands.

"FUCK YOU!" Eddie screamed. "You've been lying to me! Why didn't you tell me! WHY!"

"Why would I when this is how you're reacting?!" Claudio finally felt defensive enough to respond. "I didn't want to ruin the first good thing--"

"Oh, fuck you, man." Eddie shook his head, having to pull his t-shirt up to try to get the tears out of his vision. "If you'd told me all this bullshit first off I wouldn't be this mad."

"I was starting over. With you!" Claudio tried moving closer but Eddie pushed away from him. "I wasn't ready for you to walk into my life, and I couldn't just let you pass me by. I came here to start over my life, to do what made me happy, and then you happened. You make me happy. I just wasn't ready, but I am now. None of that means anything to me anymore. Even before I met you I was pushing to get everything finalized, he just won't..." Claudio spared a glance at the scattered papers.

A long silence stretched between them. Claudio let it go, hoping Eddie could find understanding or empathy for the moment. It was a mistake, Claudio could admit, but it wasn't as bad as Eddie made it out to be.

"You shoulda told me." Eddie shook his head as he pulled his phone out, walking away from his now ex-boyfriend. "I'm movin' out. I'm getting what I can right now, and Moxie will come get the rest. I don't wanna fuckin' see your face ever again, scumbag."

Eddie slammed the bedroom door hard enough the weak hing Claudio had been meaning to fix broke. The door still shut and locked behind the other man but it'd be damaged. Maybe even fall mostly off when Eddie opened it again. Claudio paused in that thought, because Eddie was definitely going to throw his bags out the back window and have Mox get the ladder for him to climb out the second story.

Soon the only evidence Eddie was there at all would be a broken chair, a broken door, and two broken hearts.

[ishouldreallygetofftheinternet]

What if I just had a breakdown here because it's the only fucking social media that won't end my fucking career, not that I have one, if I say how I'm actually feeling. I don't want 12.4k people over on Instagram to know that I'm a self-hating, self-harming, self-serving piece of shit with extremely treatment resistant depression, that I know will never, ever even get a tiny bit better but I wish to god I could delude myself into believing that it would to give any one of the six different meds I'm on, or the TMS a fighting chance.

And don't anyone dare come at me with a *hugs, or a *pat, or a "none of that is true!" because it is. Even implied digital physical contact makes me squick. I have heard it all a million fucking times and I don't want to fucking hear it ever again. Even in this state, I know that's going to hurt some people to hear. But it's how I've felt this entire goddamn time and I only haven't said anything because my fucking feelings don't matter. I have to be as small and as palatable for my chosen people as I possibly can be and if I dare hurt their feelings I should slit my fucking wrists, claw my insides outside until I'm covered in my own vile blood, kill myself in as painful and as grisly a way as possible.

And I have these thoughts and visions constantly. They never go away and they never will and I wish so fucking desperately that I could make them a reality. That I wasn't a fucking coward and I had the guts to kill myself, and actually fucking succeed for once in my pathetic life. And I know I've used this turn of phrase already, but this is my fucking breakdown and if I don't give a fuck then no one else gets to: don't you dare come at me with the "it's actually braver to go on living uwu", "you're so strong for keeping on going" because it's bullshit and if you actually believe that horseshit, then you're deluding yourself and/or you've never fucking been through this and have no idea what you're talking about. And I don't even want people who HAVE come out the other side of this going "I felt the same... etc etc" because great. I am actually genuinely happy that you found a way out. I love for you that this too really did pass, and all the other bullshit they say. Idk how in this venom filled rant to make it clear that the sentiment is genuine, but it is. But it does not change the fact that I don't want you dropping into my reblogs or replies or inbox or whatever because I KNOW that yours is the majority experience. Or at least it's the one they advertise. Majority is not all. I've spent my whole life going there's no way I could be part of the exception, that I could be the worst kind of special, because I don't matter, I'm not worth shit. Well I guess I believe I have some value because I am in the minority. I am the exception. I am the experience that they will never tell you about on the official websites, somewhere between life and death, and you have to track it down in random anecdotal Reddit threads because it's one of the few places on the internet that hasn't been sanitised beyond usefulness. But you already know all that internet bullshit and, for once in my fucking life, this is about me.

Oh Emily but you post about yourself all the time on Instagram! First of all: fuck off. You are smarter than to fail to recognise that anything anyone posts on IG is the most sanitised, best, most productive facsimile of themselves. That is not me. That is a character I play. I play her every fucking day because I don't want the pity, or the disgust, or the contempt, or the hatred that I know is inevitable if I were to put her away for even one moment. If I were to show this side of myself that I hide from everyone but I am locked inside my own head with day in day out.

And I'm also aware that, probably a few paragraphs back, you were thinking about how best to alert the authorities, friends who actually live in the same town as me. To which I say really? You're going to get me locked up in a useless psych ward and for what? I'm not a danger to myself. We've been through this I'm too pathetic. The worst that'll happen is I'll have a few more cuts on my thigh that will be healed by the time I go home, if you let me, not even scabs. That is all I am capable of "oh but Emily, what about your previous overdoses!?" What about them? Did any of them ANY OF THEM do a single long term thing to me? No, so sit down and shut up. Psych services are less than useless to me - all they serve to do is to remind me that I am a problem. That I am difficult. That I am a complex case. I fucking know. How DARE you assume that I am not fully aware of my reality. That I haven't been in this fucking swamp long enough to know what everyone's next move is, what they think about me, what they want for me. Misplaced hope. After a decade I have seen it all before. There is nothing you can throw at me that I cannot anticipate, that I haven't thought through on my own, that I haven't tried yet. If I told you that I hadn't tried something you suggest in the last five or so years, I was lying to make you feel better. Maybe I'll be proven wrong about this, I fucking hope so. I'm a scientist - we fucking love to be proven wrong (or at least those of us who aren't a particular flavour of arsehole do)

And I can feel myself calming down. So there's even less reason for anyone to act. Just let me lie in my bed and cry myself to sleep as usual without the cops or the paramedics or whoever the fuck busting down my door. I'm autistic. Do you know how much fucking extra stress with literally no positives that puts me under? If you actually care, if you actually want to help first, I'm sorry that I've tricked you (and yes, I'm fully aware that that is the bad thoughts talking. We've been through this: in this moment I don't care) then do something practical. Do my taxes, fill out forms for me, clean my flat, make me actually nutritious food and then force me not to snack because no matter what it is, I'll want to eat within an hour, take me to go exercise, respond to the 27 men in my socials inboxes at any one time, make my appointments, manage my money, secure specimens and collections visits and collaborators, manage the multiple emails I get a month asking for my advice or expertise or to communicate my science and everything else, explain to the people I love who I desperately desperately want to be happy and unbothered and flourishing, explain to them why I am a constant disappointment. I know those people are reading. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry that you had to see the ugly creature behind the curtain. If this rant ends up as a copypasta, or in some video so be it, exploit my pain as you do dozens of others for your own gain, be that monetary, fame, or just sick satisfaction and delight. I want to actually post one of these rants. Know that I will not answer the door to the authorities and for once in my life I will not be the placid little lamb who follows their every order even though I am dying inside even more than I was. I will kick and scream and run and fight. If you bring that upon me, you will actively ruin my life, so have fun living with that for the rest of yours. I will have my visa taken away, I will be barred from working in any country other than my own, I will be forced back into the NHS system that I am actively working through the trauma of to this day. But if you've decided you're going to do that then there's nothing I can say that will change your mind because in this moment I am not human I don't have rights and I need to be detained for my own safety. So fuck it post tweet

[dabistits]

quick bullet point of 394 thoughts again:

-at face value, the chapter holds up! it's pulls together ochako's changing thoughts throughout the 2nd half of the series and brings them to a conclusion as she's faced with someone else's pain who isn't the ~victim of a villain~ but an actual villain herself.

-himiko is in turn affirmed by someone who is "normal," who has never been abnormal and never been in her shoes the way the league has, who actually adjusts her (ochako's) perspective and admits her perspective was wrong in order to accept himiko.

-i do find this to be a much better turn than the todofam or (jfc) the mutant storyline. yes, todofam is forced to confront the skeletons in their closet and "own" their mistakes (not gonna get into whether or not that's correct given how it's mostly endeavor's fault <3) but i think there's a notable lack of acceptance of the way dabi is now. the focus was on the mistakes of the past and how they failed touya, not about what dabi might want to hear and do now. dabi was fought all the way to the end whereas ochako actually did reach out.

-and this might be bcs of where himiko and dabi's problems diverge (himiko's problem is one that is inherent to her, an instinctually-ingrained drive that doesn't necessarily entail harming people, whereas dabi's is explicitly taking out a bunch of uninvolved people to stick it to a shitty father) but positioning dabi as an issue to be solved by the family, rather than as somebody deeply wronged by multiple people who has a right to his hatred and rage (disclaimer: ~but not to hurt other people~) was weak and unsatisfactory. especially when contrasted with the fact that he has been more harshly judged, scolded, and physically beaten down in comparison to an actual abuser.

-the mutant storyline is just blatant libshit that horikoshi couldn't even hide under the guise of being about interpersonal relationships lmfao.

-in short, himiko's story actually gets a nod about how people were wrong about her and how that led to her mistreatment in a way that todofam and mutant storylines don't acknowledge. there is actually a focus on her feelings and how she was wronged, instead of being preoccupied with listing reason #872 why dabi/spinner are bad people.

-thematically though, does the chapter hold up? i'm still never going to be a fan of a story where the answer is assimilation into a society that scorned them. while this chapter is better than the mutant storyline, it still feels like it'll take a similar path: bnha teases "the attitudes of society has to change," but it also pins the responsibility of incremental/respectable change on marginalized people. idk ig this will either be addressed way into the future or not at all so we'll see.

-himiko's (and the league's) fate is still a huge elephant in the room. you can call her cute but can you be in her (and her friends') corners if the state wants to imprison or execute her?😳 how much is the acknowledgement of the league's importance to himiko worth if we're comfortable putting them all in jail? if i wasn't already a prison abolitionist bnha could make me one.

-being a qwoc myself i can say that a nice girl can call me beautiful all she wants but if she's in favor of putting me in jail her words would mean jack shit <3

-the other huge elephant in the room is twice. like genuinely no one acknowledged that he is dead, he was killed by a hero, and that fact is responsible for 99% of himiko's current rage😭 and then he just dissipates like he's a metaphor for himiko's hate-fueled rampage😭 come the fuck on stop treating this like it's a metaphor with no answer, we know there is a specific person who is responsible for this. hawks🤝endeavor, characters the story can't accept are directly responsible for this bullshit.

-good chapter canceled, horikoshi drew a teenaged girl nude again.

[incarnateirony]

Idk dude, I can’t force you to tag or not tag what you want on your blog, but I would perhaps argue that video is not as widely known in popular culture as you say it is, considering I’ve been alive 25 years and I’ve never heard of or seen it before and I do my best to not live with my head under a rock. And I get if you want to call white libs getting their knickers in a twist over Carlos talking about weed pearl clutching, or how their privileged bitching and moaning about Spn/TW queer storylines and representation is pearl clutching - but boiling is not a primary method of euthanasia for frogs accepted by the American veterinary medical association, it’s inhumane, it can be disturbing for people who don’t wish to see animal cruelty, and you’ve never given any previous indication that your blog could contain content like that, so I don’t think asking for SOME form of warning is such an inappropriate or pearl-clutchingy thing to do.

Calm the fuck down and go outside if you try to avoid acting like you don't go outside

It has literally been a thing since the 1800s and is a whole fucking figure of speech.

Yes, this is PEAK white lib bullshit. "I saw a metaphor that made me uncomfortable, can you enact bizarre levels of censorship over things that most socially exposed adults have witnessed?"

For fuck's sake google "boiling frog" and then, read your anon back over about "how it's not that well known or popular", go back in time, and delete all the concern trolling in my inbox.

Writing wholeass anons about euthenasia bullshit over a 200 year old fuckin metaphor.

GO OUTSIDE, TUMBLR

I can't get over this. "I (somehow) haven't personally heard of it, so it can't be that common." The fucking. obliviousness. you could have googled "boiling frog" before going this weird about it. So yes, perhaps you are, in fact, not as adjusted or socially exposed as you've decreed for yourself. When you need trigger warnings for 200 year old metaphors, we're off the edge of the socialization map, mate.

Me: Man this whole fandom has so many lessons coming to it in TW, this is robbie straight up boiling the frog

Some anon frog, in the pot, boiling slowly: I am offended at this violent metaphor and will continue standing here acting like I do without any need to change or self inspect and-- urk

THINK OF THE FROG CHILDREN or something ig

Methinks the people who managed to never hear about the boiling frog metaphor are the people that need to learn it in life most. Interesting overlap.

[kurazaru]

The honeymoon phase of my college is over✨ I've started to slowly dislike some ppl... My roommate is too fucking touchy md annoying. Two of my roommates including this one talk shit abt my north Indian frnds. Like fuck y'all they r wayyyyy better nd understanding u guys could ever be. I hate the racism here. Idk why we as adults are so fucking divided by race. It's so goddamn shallow and disgusting. Refusing to accept an entire group of people just because they are frm the northern part of your own country is sooo narrow minded nd backward. And the same thing goes to my north Indian frnds who don't particularly like the south Indians, though it's not as much as the south Indians... And omg ive removed all my college frnds frm my CF on insta. Most of them were north Indians. They keep telling me "why are you posting such stories" and "stop posting stories of what you eat" like??? It's my fucking insta and hence it's my fucking choice. And it's not even some aesthetic insta bullshit, like I ate this one new chips and it was really good and so I posted abt it and they got offended like??? So yeah they aren't there anymore.

And I haven't found that "one frnd" you know. Like that one frnd who u can go to anytime. Like whenever I'm feeling down or just want peace I can go to their room nd chill or study. But I don't get that vibe frm any of my frnds.... Nd i feel like i won't be finding someone like that anytime soon... Nd i feel so undesirable coz almost everyone I see has that one frnd nd i don't.... I wanna go home dude... I tried spending time with 2 ppl nd I thought they could be that one person but then i tried testing something. I am the one who usually goes to their room and calls them to come and eat food with me, but this time I didn't do that fr like 2-3 days. They never called me. I felt really hurt dude. But it's fine ig. You can't expect everyone to like you. Or maybe I just hv a bad personality idk. Anyways I'm gonna keep to myself more now. I'm just gonna grind nd study nd have my own fun. Anyways IDC abt what ppl think of me or my interests. If I like something I will do it nd if i don't like it i won't. Simple. Im not changing anything for you. They aren't that close to me for me to change things I like abt myself. Anyways enough ranting fr todayyy

[99griffon]

Rdr 9, 10, 14

9: most disliked character

I hate Micah... but that's because his character succeeds and what he's meant to do. ...Strauss however! He is loyal and I guess that's supposed to make us think "oh, he wasn't that bad" ig, but I just can't get over the usury bullshit. I'm with Arthur, kick him the fuck out 💖

Arthur could have killed Micah if he wasn't sick and who told Arthur to beat up Mr. Downes? Just sayin'

10: most disliked arc

Ch 5... not a controversial pick lol

Guarma didn't hook me super well + all my boys are fucking dead 😔🙏 At least in other chapters, there are particular missions that stand out to me. Colter comes second, but Colter generally felt way more important + John got to pet the puppies.

14: unpopular opinion about the fandom

People want to continue following members of the Van Der Linde gang in a possible RDR3. They want to continue on with Jack or Sadie but I don't think we should continue with them. I think our best options for RDR3 would be either going back to the birth of the gang or to a new cast. Idk who another prequel would follow but... everyone wants to see baby Arthur and I gotta agree, I wanna see him and baby John and Bessie 🙃 regardless the RDR world is big enough to continue on with a new cast. There are other stories to tell! Red Dead Revolver was the first game, Red Harlow's story is entirely separate from RDR and RDR2. Sure it's fun to have connected stories but we shouldn't limit ourselves to these existing characters just because they are very cool and awesome.

[dykecolumbo]

finally sending you this :) also how was your day today <33

baby - what makes you feel better when you’re down?

sugarpie - what’s your favourite sweet treat?

darling -  what romantic gesture makes you feel the most loved?

button - do you have a type? what is it like?

sunshine - what’s the nicest compliment you’ve ever gotten?

baby girl - how do you like to be held?

lover - how do you show someone you like them?

buttercup - what does/would your online dating bio say?

boo - what’s your dream date?

wild thing - what’s something about you that surprises people?

bubba - tell me a funny story from your childhood. 

honey - what’s your favourite hot drink? (I SWEAR TO FUCKING GOD IF YOU SAY PINEAPPLE FANTA BUT MICROWAVED-)

my love - what would your dream home be like?

(i started answering this when i first got it like. 3 or more months ago. i just finished it now it's been in my drafts forever im SORRY I LIVE IN SHAME)

my day was goood i played an absurd amount of solitaire and thought about ripping my business law teacher apart with my teeth

baby- i go for a lot of walks and bike rides. sometimes i'll bike out to one of the many playgrounds near my house and chill on the swingset

sugarpie- im a total gummy bear pilled gummy bearcel. i love gummy bears so fucking much

darling- oh god idk. im classy at heart. id love to be wined and dined. never have been thought so i can't say it makes me feel the most loved. i rlly don't know

button- mmmm not really? not at all actually. if i like you i like you and if i don't i dont

sunshine- is it bad nothings coming to mind??? not in like a "everyone is so mean 2 me" way just like... idk. im very average. ig i like it when people tell me i'm funny

babygirl- dude i do not know. im awful at like... cuddling bc i just cannot sit still for the LIFE of me. ig just hug me idfk

lover- uhhh kiss them on the lips repeatedly "but in a friend way" which is tbh how it normally starts but whatevs

buttercup- uhhhhh god i don't know. "in need of a lobotomy but my head's still ok" or some dumb bullshit like that

boo- wined. dined. sixty nined is preferred but not a must

wild thing- when i was at work because my hair is technically past my jawline i had to have it tied up all the time when i was working with food, but the one, SINGULAR time i was doing something other than food i got to have it down and i got to show of my huge ass curly ass hair. ik this is boring but so am i! one of my many charms

bubba- my gramps used to live in this apartment building down in florida, and my mom and i went to visit him one year, right? so my grandpa had just moved into this building and little 5 year old me really wanted to be shown around. i don't know why because it's not like we could go into any apartments other than his, so we just walked down 5 identical hallways on 5 identical floors. but i really wanted a tour, so he showed me around while my mom stayed behind in his place. now my grandpa lived at the FIRST DOOR on the SECOND FLOOR. so my gramps and i get to the FIRST DOOR on the FIRST FLOOR, and because all the floors looked identical, my goldfish memory was like "my mom is in there!" and i put my face up against the window and yell cus i wanted to surprise her. i did not surprise my mom. who i DID surprise was a woman in just her bra and underwear watching blue bloods, who jumped out of her seat and screamed at the 5 year old staring through her window, which scared ME and i cried the rest of the evening. fin

honey- NO ONE MICROWAVES FANTA?????? i like peach oolong tea

my love- im flexible. log cabin in oklahoma works just as fine as a studio works just as fine as townhouse as long as that bitch isn't minimalist, and near civilization i will be CONTENT. im not an off the grid type of gal i need to be near people and places

[gender-i-hardly-know-er]

I wrote a tiny thing based on Passing Through (Can’t the Future Just Wait) by Kaden MacKay bc that’s the only song I can listen to rn for some reason

kinda a vent fic ig idk

Can't the future just wait?

Logan cursed the thought as it came through. The future is everything. It has to be. What are plans for, if not? Were all of his efforts in vain?

Can't the deadlines come fashionably late?

Deadlines he set. He was bringing this on himself.

I could push every goal back, take control back-

No. It wasn’t him. He did his job; Thomas just never listens. If he could just gain ground, something, anything!

-if they’d roll back the rate at which time starts to fly.

He missed school. He was in control then. Thomas listened to him then. They had concrete plans, practical goals, none of this loose nonexistent schedule bullshit. Everything seemed to go so fast.

Never landing or standing by, never taking a break.

Thomas’s life might as well be a whole long break at this point. Breaks are healthy, yes, but there’s a difference between taking a break and procrastinating. Not even trying to finish things on time, focusing on new ideas, new relationships, forgetting about what they’re supposed to be making, posting, filming. That was what was happening here.

Ever making me retry…

He couldn’t take it anymore. Making a bit of progress, only to halt because Roman had a new idea and figuratively ran with it. Because Patton can't deal with his feelings about things changing in the mindscape. Because Janus insists on constant breaks (again, good to a point, but this was excessive and detrimental to production). Because Remus decides to mess with Thomas just as he starts working again, and Thomas seems to forget everything Logan ever taught him about intrusive thoughts. Because Virgil is worried about making everything perfect, audience perception, not finishing on time, extra random irrational bullshit, slowing everything down. Because Thomas meets some stupid boy.

…If the future is bright, it doesn’t shine with that “end of the tunnel” light; more like a deer in the headlights, sudden red lights, or “you’re dead” lights as the anglerfish bite.

If they continue like this, Thomas will figuratively crash and burn. Logan can't see a future where Thomas stays as popular as he’s been thus far… People fall out of public favor quickly, unexpectedly, unforeseeably. They’d known that YouTube would be an unstable career, but they weren’t doing anything to help themselves. Eventually… people will stop caring. It’s inevitable. If you stop making the content you’re known for, your most popular series, with the promise of new episodes never delivered, your audience won't stay. That’s how it works. Then, money would get tight, they’d have to find a new job, but they couldn’t really go down the chemical engineering path anymore, they let that opportunity go a long time ago and- He was sounding like Virgil now. His concerns were legitimate, though! That’s why they were so terrifying.

It’s not fair. The past is clear, but it’s clear back there.

The decisions they should have made are obvious now. But what could they do about them now? Hindsight is the cruellest trick of time.

What’s ahead? No one knows. But it’s closing in, we swear.

Now, Logan couldn’t have a clear picture of the future. They chose a tumultuous career path (against his advice, as always). They had no schedules. No plans. The future would have to figuratively come and smack them in the face soon, and wouldn’t be pretty.

Still not in my prime, I have so much to do, but maybe it’s time to let time pass through.

They’d wasted so much time. Taking nothing valuable from it, getting nothing done, letting it pass them by without thinking. They had to use the time they had. Otherwise… What were they even doing?

I can't just rewrite decisions when life gets strange. Should I go with my gut on which door I should shut? I’m unsure: I’d keep exploring this rut, but what good is time without change?

What was he doing? Why was he sitting there, complaining, when he should be doing things? The past has to stay the past, they did what they did, and there was no changing it. He had to work with what he had. He was wasting time lamenting about wasting time! Nothing was changing, letting time pass by.

Move on. ‘Cause these things never last. Just move on! ‘Cause it goes too fast, and the past is passed, so move on…

Right. No use fretting about the things he should have done. He could do things now.

…Why are we still spending so much time dreading our lives instead of living them?

The future was coming, whether they liked it or not. So, why don’t they just live in the present? The future would slowly become the present, becoming the past. So, they should stop thinking of all the things that could go wrong later, start thinking about what they can do now!

We may never know why time is always in limited supply, but we’ll live to regret it if we get it and then let it slip by. It can never rewind. Once you’ve lost it, it’s hard to find; Take the journey in stride when your plans have been sidelined.

No one makes it out of this life alive. No matter what, they could never infinitely extend their time on this earth. They had one shot at every minute, and those minutes tick past with no regard for their plans, their aspirations, their feelings. So they had to keep going. Using their minutes to the best of their ability, not cursing themselves when they accidentally waste one, just moving on.

Every hourly chime could begin something new…

So maybe it’s time to let time pass through.

Not passing by,

Just passing through, till the well runs dry.

Just passing through…

That’s all anyone can do.

[blitz0hno]

posting for attention

i wrote down some stream of consciousness stuff. Maybe someone will relate. Please don't worry, they are only thoughts and feelings we are coping with.

TW// suicdal ideation, awful grammar, prayer (for my religious trauma girlies)

enjoy my suffering /gen

AAAAAAAAAAAAGH WHAT CAN I DO RN 

I CAN”T CALM TF DONW 

I CAN’T CAN’T I CAN’T 

I FEEL SO FAKE AND SO VIOLENT 

AND FUCKING INSANE 

AND LIKE MY LIFE IS FALLING TO PIECES 

NO MATTER WHAT I DO 

BECAUSE I CAN’T SEEM 

TO UNDERSTAND ANYTHING 

OR DO ANYTHING OR ACT ON ANYTHING 

WE WANNA DO BC WE R SO SCARED 

OF POURING OUR HEART INTO SOMETHING 

AND BEING REJECTED

 F U C K IT HURTS IT HURTS THIS HELPED IG

IDK EVERYTHING HURTS

NOT EVERYTHING

UH I AM ACTUALLY PHYSICALLY GOOD

BUT THE FLASGBACKS NEED TO STOP 

THEY NEED TO STOP.

GOD HELP ME WHY AM I SO FUCKED UP 

I WANT TO FUCK UP ANYONE 

WHO WOULD DO THAT SHIT TO A KID 

WHY IS THIS EVER ALLOWED TO HAPPEN 

EVER WHY ARE SO MANY PEOPLE 

SO FUCKING TWISTED 

I JUST WANT IT TO STOP 

I WANT PEOPLE TO STOP 

HURTING EACH OTHER 

I WANT PEOPLE TO STOP

HURTING ME 

NO MATTER HOW MUCH I TRY TO AVOID IT. 

I AM NOT HERE RN 

I AM DISSOCIATING 

LIFE A MOTHERFUCKER

 AND I CANNOT DO THIS SHIT

 I NEED IT TO STOPPPPP

I WANNA FEEL BETTER

 I DON’T KNOW WHY I HAVE TO CARRY AROUND 

ALL THIS BULLSHIT

PEOPLE WHO HURT PEOPLE 

WILL GET WHAT’S COMING TO THEM 

BUT WHEN, WHEN????? 

I cannot rn, 

how are we gonna get our shit together 

when we’re burning the FUCK out? 

Ugh. 

deep breath, deep breath. 

There’s a hole of grief on my chest. 

My socks are wet. 

I wanna cry in the fuckin library, 

It’s too cold. 

I am scared.

my head hurts. 

I need to complain ig. 

Why do i do this? 

I have everything I could need 

but no matter how grateful 

i try to be, 

instead of getting a break 

i just get more and more piled on 

how tf did this happen 

why did we lose our job 

to some douchebag family member 

of the shittiest manager around 

oh my fucking god the cowardice 

and entitlement 

of all the soft fuckin SHITHEADS i keep meetign 

like PICK A STRUGGLE. 

I keep zoning out dear god 

let me find something to do with this rage 

stop the rain for two minutes 

I don’t want to drive 

i don’t want to think

and the visibility outside is awful 

WHY IS FEBRURARY LONG 

it’s longer this year 

I want spring 

I want sun 

I am sad that it’s getting warmer out 

and weather is getting extreme so 

I wish it was at least weather I like. 

My routine is shot, 

I have none. My phone is dead, 

doordash is too much energy rn. 

I am. 

Killing myself. 

Not really but 

jfc I am so tired 

in a way that weighs on you. 

And I feel survivor’s guilt 

about the whole fucking world. 

Guilt guilt guilt 

that is ALL we ever feel 

everything is our fault somehow and 

we can’t fix anything with that attitude 

I am so upset. 

Fuckin hell. 

Make it stop make it stop 

but don’t let me die 

I’m not ready. 

And I feel guilty for that too, 

because who IS ready? 

It just happens. 

And instead of happening to rapists and serial killers 

it happens to sweet people 

who made the world better. 

Fuck this. 

Where’s the divine punishment 

for the WORLD LEADERS????? 

What’s with the collective 

capitalist punishment? 

I constantly feel like 

I’ve done something wrong or bad. 

Constant. 

Stupid fucking axel, 

screaming in our face and starting this whole mess. 

My life is great overall 

but my heart and mind are fucked up rn.

Are you there god? It’s me.

And me. And me.

Etc..

I don’t wanna kill myself it just sounds really easy (it’s not you will not go out without a fight so it’ll just be a llot of medical bullshit.)

[venting-town]

Ig I’m here because of me or something, idk

Because I didn’t want to be an adult or a grown up in a different realm or something, because after my first near-death experience I kept having theses fucked up ( but ofc likely true ) visions or memories or something of me as a little kid in different places

The first time I remember a lot was when I was actually dead, and I kept saying that I didn’t want to come back here.. I guess because I knew that more stupid shit was going to happen or something

And I was being pressured by other beings/people that I had to choose whether to come back or to go away, and I know at least one was calling me selfish because I was trying to go away and another was saying something about that I was doing this for a purpose and that I was brave

Of course, that’s why I’m here now ( even though I shouldn’t “ be “ at all )

And another one was where I was in some room with a ball pit and other kids/beings were there and we were all playing. Then I had to go somewhere ( I think because there was an adult that told me ) so I had to go down a slide that was connected to the wall

And for what?? Because I was/still am a horrible being and I kept/keep on hurting everybody, and since I’m still being pressured to exist at all ( which I should’ve never existed in any place but ofc here I am ), so I have to keep coming to these stupid fucked-up realities/sub-worlds to learn/experience/re-experience things, because ig I forgot or didn’t care before, or I simply didn’t want to experience them

But if I keep hurting beings and I don’t want to exist anymore because I’m tired of this ( and not tired of this, to a point at the same time ), then nobody should be trying to make me stay here. You can love me and let me go, even if that is hard to do. We’re all just going to do this same stupid-bullshit over and over “ because.. “ or something around that or not or whatever

If I loved and cared about anyone then I wouldn’t exist in the first place and I wouldn’t keep fucking everybody up, REGARDLESS of what any of you all/I say, and you know it

And healthy balance is great, but unhealthy balance isn’t! But how would you know healthy if you don’t have unhealthy, right? How would you know good if you didn’t know bad?

How wouldn’t you, though? None of this shit makes sense, and whether we were sentient before or not doesn’t really matter; we can acknowledge/experience things without having to know/experience the opposite of said thing

What are we/this/other stuff even for? For entertainment? And I can understand why we’d want entertainment because being bored/unstimulated ( to a point ) sucks!

So what is it for? Anything/everything/something/nothing/all things/other things??????

Because.. * ???? *

And ig it could be different for everyone else to a point, but for what?

And these voices keep claiming that when others hurt/harm me, it’s wrong, yet they turn a blind eye to ( or don’t care or whatever they do ) when they get to do it to me

You all aren’t exempt, and neither is anybody else. And it’s okay if I do those things to myself, REGARDLESS of whatever else trials and others there is somewhere that I have to do

Regardless of moving forward or staying back or being in the middle or on top or bottom or whatever else there is, you all are NOT exempt from this particular situation ( and you’re not from other particular situations either whether anyone acknowledges/accepts/admits that or not or whatever else )

And you all kept/keep asserting that there’s nothing other than those 5 things, but how would you know? How would I know? How would ANYBODY know? By knowing, ig, but even then you could still be wrong, or even in the middle or whatever else aside from those things!

And I understand that time exists for a structure ig but that’s overwhelming too, but I guess when you have more power you have more responsibility, but regardless of more power or not or whatever else, that doesn’t give ANY of us the right to be horrible to somebody else

But it happens anyways, because “ ???? “. To each their own I kind of guess

Regardless, I’ve been in something real mates to this particular reality before, and I’ve been to those places multiple times. Because I’m not getting/understand/caring about what the point is or isn’t or mixed or whatever else

Point or not, purpose or not, I shouldn’t be.

Not even shouldn’t be because ( to a certain point but not fully ) that would claim that I had been before, but either way doesn’t mean that that’s inherently true

And they keep saying I have to go through this one more time. Because if you exist then you have to keep getting more and more knowledge/other stuff or else you’ll hold everyone else back or something

I’d do it anyways whether I wanted to or not, purposely or not, or whatever else

And everyone should stop trying to make me stay, but even THEN some being would be created to replace me because ig somebody has to play the part

And for what? For more control? More power?

It’s more like a “ mom said it’s MY turn to fuck everyone/everything/myself/etc. up! “ kind of ordeal we’ve got going on, and for what?

Does anybody truly “ know “? With or without “ knowing “ or whatever else there is?

Does the universe know? Together, the same, separated, or whatever else?

And we’re/they’re/etc just buying more time until this all inevitably resets because OF? Or whatever else there is?

And we all are just in this inevitable loop REGARDLESS of whether it’s connected or not.. because?

[introwalktheline]

caught ya!

↳ genre: enemies to lovers ig? idk

↳ summary: you and sunghoon hated each other’s guts, or so it seemed. until you got caught by an unwelcomed guest

↳ word count: around 1230

↳ warnings: again, bad/basic english and possible grammar mistakes; swearing; heated scene (it's not completely nsfw but please do not approach if uncomfortable anyways)

you and sunghoon hated each other’s guts. blood would boil in your veins whenever he’d start to speak; your remarks were as venomous as a wild snake attacking its prey.

as cliché as it may sound, while you were the typical diligent student, always topping your classes and working hard, he would often slack off, prioritizing the ice-skating rink and hanging out with his friends, not even once bothering to focus on school, homework and tests. you two were as different as day and night, as the sun and the moon; yet, it seemed quite the exact motive of your attraction towards the raven-haired boy. of course, you’d never admit it to anyone, not even to yourself, your pride obscuring your reason. little did you know, sunghoon felt the exact same way, too proud to voice his feelings, just like you.

it was quite ordinary to watch the two of you quarrel over the stupidest things in the hall of your school. being extremely short-tempered, even though rational enough to notice and control yourself most of the time, you’d somehow fall for his teasing remarks. and he secretly loved watching you get all worked up. you were so adorable: your face often turned red from turmoil, and your brows formed a cute frown. he just couldn’t stop.

you and sunghoon hated each other’s guts. the problem? you two shared the same group of friends. things would normally go rather smoothly; you both loved your friends way too much to cause unwelcomed troubles. hence, you tried your best to stay away from him when you guys hung out together.

finally happy to be free from homework and to spend the evening with your friends, you decided to watch a movie with them. while getting in line for the tickets, a smug comment from the person you were the least - or so you kept telling literally anyone all the time - interested in made you halt right away. you tried to remain calm, you truly did, as you didn’t want to ruin the night out.

“so you’re telling me they make movies out of classics? like…these little women? how boring would that be? are there actually people who enjoy those kinds of movies? that’s bullshit”

see, those sentences, as if out of deliberate malice, were not simply put out there for everyone else to hear. he wanted YOU to hear them. he knew how much you were fond of period dramas, and how you would easily walk into the trap; it was so easy to exasperate you at this point. the poor guy had become addicted to teasing you.

compressing your mouth, holding a silent combat with yourself, you simply could not manage to control yourself anymore. they say the eyes are the mirror of our soul; well, at that moment, your unflinching, ferocious stare was quite eloquent. it goes without saying, you haughtily answered him.

“why, don’t tell me you’re the type of person who actually enjoys watching…i don’t know, horror movies? please…the plot is stupid, it’s literally all about weird scenes and jumpscares. and i bet you even shit yourself while watching them.”

that's it. he didn’t see that coming. you were basically calling him a coward? hell no, he couldn't back down so easily.

“well, princess” sunghoon said while hovering way too close to your figure, “why don’t we put this to the test? we’ll watch a horror movie together, and see who’ll be the one shitting their own pants. you decide where and when. what do you think, love?”

if you said you weren’t turned on, you’d be a liar. you would never give in though; you quickly focused again on the matter, and accepted the challenge.

sunghoon joined you in your house the day after your little dispute. your parents were never really at home, and that night too, for they had an important business dinner to attend. at times, it felt lonely, being an only child. however, it was the perfect time to end it all with the guy, not having to answer unwanted questions nor wanting to give false hopes to your mother, who would shriek at the thought of you finally getting a boyfriend.

as was anticipated, the movie he picked was quite boring, not to mention the fact that you’ve never really been a scaredy cat. an hour into the movie, you snort loudly; of course this didn’t go unnoticed to your companion.

“what now”, asked sunghoon bitterly.

“how can you enjoy this kind of movie? seriously. they’re just plain, and boring, and don’t make any sense, and-”

“can you shut up? i don't care whether you like them or not, just keep quiet till the end. unless you’re too scared to keep watching it?” retorted the boy complacently.

and that you did, for a while. you kept quiet. nonetheless, sensing how vexed he had become, and being bored to death, you couldn’t lose the opportunity to make him even more exasperated.

“that’s literally trash. why would a kid enter that weird ass, dark door, it’s not what would normally happ-”

now. that you would’ve never seen it coming. sunghoon had roughly placed his lips on yours, his body acting quicker than his own mind.

you and sunghoon hated each other’s guts. if so, then why was that kiss so intoxicating? why did it feel so right? after a few seconds of disbelief, you reciprocated the kiss, allowing yourself to deepen it. at that moment, you didn’t care about the possible teasing that would’ve resulted from it. at that moment, the tension between you two vanished into the air, growing stiffer as the two of you transformed a simple kiss into a heated make-out session. hungry for sunghoon lips, you wrapped your hands around his neck, not letting go. his moans were pure music to your ears, and made something click into your brain. you interrupted your ministrations only to straddle on his lap; his hands reaching your hips, keeping you secure and in place. even in the unlit room, you could clearly see his hooded, dark, hungry eyes staring deeply into your soul, and that’s where it hit you: you and sunghoon didn’t actually hate each other’s guts.

you two were so different from one another, yet you’d just become one in a warm embrace.

too caught up in your actions, the arrival of sunoo, your best friend, whom of course you’d given the spare key to, was unnoticed. well, only for a few seconds.

“oh my god, i totally knew it! i knew you two would be making out, i’m so telling the others” a smug settled in his visage. you hated to see that face, it meant trouble. this time wasn’t an exception.

“for god's sake sunoo, when did you come here? you scared the shit out of me” you answered, your cheeks getting redder and redder.

“well, well, well… i guess he won the bet then, didn’t he? you didn’t finish the movie”, continued the younger one, indicating the tv, still on.

“anyways, please don’t go further, we don’t want to babysit another child, we already have niki and it’s like having ten children".

“GET THE HELL OUT” you screamed at a satisfied sunoo, already on his way to tell everyone what he had just seen. you and sunghoon expected a long, embarrassing conversation with the others.

author's note: i wanted to thank everyone who read this, it means a lot to me! i'm not sure about what i'm doing, especially since i've never really used tumblr to post my writings,,, also if you have any requests i'm always here :((

[jiamour]

take it slow

pairing: jisung x reader

genre: fluff, brothers bestfriend, ¿mutual?pining, jisung is so awkward i want to eat him

est word count: too many

est post date: 50000 months from now

a/n: this isn’t like a teaser thingy or anything i just wanted to write shy, sweet, jisungie darling and i was like might as well post this to force myself to actually write it :] it’s also mostly from jisung pov bcs i found him cute, this has been in my drafts for atleast half a year

· · · ───────── ·𖥸· ───────── · · ·

chenle: your coming over later right?

jisung: probably

jisung: is your sister home?

jisung regrets asking as soon as the text sends.

· · · ───────── ·𖥸· ───────── · · ·

chenle: idk

chenle: why?

chenle: why?

he let’s out a sigh of relief, happy his best friend didn’t immediately flip on him but he knows he’s not off the hook yet.

jisung: just wondering

jisung wipes an imaginary bead of sweat from his brow. saved it.

chenle: that’s a weird thing to wonder

fuck. his fingers are already typing away on his phone preparing to get him out of this. he types the letter ‘i’ and deletes it three times.

chenle: are you scared of her? did you break something of hers again?

chenle: you should have told me early i could have totally covered for you man

jisung: you’d rat me out for a green apple jolly rancher

chenle: so you did break something

chenle: get better hands dumbass

chenle: what was it?

jisung: i didn’t break anything

chenle: bullshit

jisung: honestly

chenle: then why are you scared of my sister

jisung: i’m not

jisung tries not to feel too intimidated by the three dots that appear on his screen in a fraction of a second. he rushes to think of an excuse that isn’t straight out admitting that he has a huge, embarrassing crush on his bestfriends sister, who he’s barely spoken to past simple pleasantries.

jisung: i was just thinking about mario party

jisung: like if we played we’d need more people right

jisung: and she could do that

jisung: i guess

jisung: if she wants

chenle: 🤨

a breath gets stuck in jisungs throat, he should have known chenle was going to see right through him. this was it, today was the day jisung would get murdered. he always knew he wouldn’t last long but he didn’t expect his end to come from someone so close to him. but maybe chenle would take mercy on him, he was kind, sometimes. jisung’s sure he’s seen chenle do something kind at least once in his life, probably. so maybe if he got down on his knees and begged he’d be saved from-

chenle: didn’t know you liked mario party that much

chenle: ok i’ll ask her if she’s interested ig?

nevermind. apparently begging wasn’t necessary.