#idk. if he learns how to chill and is able to cope with not having control at all points

[luckiestblock]

im gonna be real cdream is only interesting in context of endersmile+staged duo

note: essay in tags. dont feel like retyping it in text. feel free to ignore. heart

[angel-of-the-moons]

Idk how tumblr works so, apologies ig this isnt a request place.

But i was thinking poly johnny cage and kenshi x reader, where its just fluff with johnny and reader helping kenshi get dressed, bc hes blind, or something like that♡

Gods im soft for this poly relationship😫

Nahhh you getting something because ashslnsl this shit is cute as fuuuuck

Little Wonders

Kenshi x Johnny x Reader

TW/CW: None!

A/N: This is what I was talking about @crimsonbubble lol

🗡️🎥🗡️🎥🗡️🎥🗡️🎥🗡️🎥

Yet again, Kenshi ripped the shirt open to try and rebutton it. He had been at it for almost twenty minutes, now; having to undo the pearl baubles and slip them back into their holes again.

Only to find that this time, he was not one--but two buttons off and the shirt was still lopsided.

He let out a frustrated hiss and yanked the buttons free, this time snagging one so hard the little object popped out of its stitching and skittered across the bedroom floor.

Hanging his head in defeat, Kenshi felt around until he found the foot of your ridiculously large bed, plopping down and sinking into the downy soft mattress with a hefty sigh.

Kenshi could easily call Sento to him; use the magic sword to grant him his sight so he could see enough to map out the buttons, to get dressed by himself like a grown adult should be able to do.

But without Sento, he was as blind as a newborn kitten. And Sento wasn't a crutch. Kenshi needed to learn how to do things without his eyes, to adjust. Because it's not exactly subtle or publicly acceptable to carry a goddamn katana with you to a red carpet event. Which is what he had been trying to get ready for. He just wanted to wait until you and Johnny were preoccupied with swimming out some of your pre-event jitters in his pool to try, to get some of the privacy he needed to spare his dignity. He needed to learn how to do this, how to cope...

He couldn't walk around like you or Johnny without some sort of aid, couldn't dress himself properly anymore... he was damn lucky he could still feed himself without assistance.

"Oh, Kenshi..." He heard you sigh from the threshold of your bedroom door. You and Johnny smelled like the chlorine from the pool; your bathing suits had been stripped away and you both wore your plush bath robes to ward the chill off your naked bodies.

"If you'd asked us, we could have helped you, Ken." Johnny replied as well, moving to sit next to him as you began to gently unbutton the expensive silk blouse.

"You shouldn't have to." He retorted, "I should be able to do it--"

"Hush." You say to him gently, your fingers gently touching his lips to quiet him. Johnny slipped a hand around the back of Kenshi's neck, kneading the thick knots of tension he found there. His mouth twisted briefly into a slight frown when he felt just how tense he was.

"C'mon, babe!" Johnny said. Kenshi could practically hear the cock-eyed smirk Johnny had on his face. "You know we don't mind. Though, taking your shirt off is more fun than putting one on--"

"Oi! Shut it!" You snort, swatting at him before putting Kenshi's popped shirt on the dresser before pulling out one of Johnny's to put on him.

"Abuse! Abuse!" Johnny laid across his lap dramatically, feigning injury. "Oh, oh my god! Kenshi, do you hear how our lovely partner is treating me?! I swear, I should have you locked up!"

He can't help but smile, despite it all. It never failed. Whenever he was down in the dumps, dealing with his new "handicap" as he so deprecatingly referred to it as, the two of you swooped in to cheer him up, pulling a smile out of him when he thought there was none to be had.

"Hah! Like they'd believe you, you drama queen." You scoff, flicking him in his nose. "Now get up, you cry baby!"

Johnny snickered and laughed as he sat up, crawling onto the bed so he was sitting behind Kenshi, his legs spread to wrap around him from behind casually as he leaned back on his hands.

"Kenshi, hands." You hum to him, brushing a hand through his short dark hair, bringing your hand down to touch his cheek, your thumb caressing the corners of where his eyes used to be, feeling the cratered scars left behind by Mileena's sais.

He complies, his body posture softening as you and Johnny help him slip into the soft, buttery smooth shirt.

Johnny buttons his cuffs while you button his front.

"I..." Kenshi tried to find the words; anything to say to the two of you about why you shouldn't be helping him, that he needs to relearn these things on his own.

Johnny interrupts him first: "Nope." He hums, burying his face in the crook of his neck, breathing in the mixed scent of his own shirt and Kenshi's favorite body wash that still lingered on his skin.

"Can already hear those gears working on your head, Ken. Stop it."

"We're a team, Kenshi." You say to him, cupping his cheeks in your hand as Johnny effectively becomes a human koala bear.

"And we aren't going to let you struggle on your own. It's not weakness to ask for help from those you love. A strong individual knows you can't survive without it."

"Without what exactly?" He sighed, relaxing into the two of you.

"Love, you fuckin' goober." You snicker, leaning down to kiss him, his stubble brushing your face softly.

If he could, Kenshi Takahashi would have cried.

[return-to-twisted-wonderland]

🔆anon

Futures that I thought of for everyone:

Dusk - He does eventually chill out. He’s still headstrong, but is able to think before he acts and speaks. He lives his life traveling from place to place. I’m not exactly sure what job he’d have (he is family to royalty, so idk if he’d need one), but he’d definitely try to help out wherever he is, usually physical labor. He also gets a better grasp on his magic and is eventually able to use it without feeling sick, though he let go of his need to constantly float. He still does, but not constantly. He’s aware of how similar he is and was to Lilia, and has come to terms with everything. It’s not magically all better, but he’s learned to live with it and learned to cope and let himself feel.

Domino - I’ve been over his future before, but I wanted everyone here. He gets an internship at a magical science lab, one he specifically chose to be near Clock Town so he could make sure his family was ok. That ends up becoming his job, and he gets pretty high in those rankings, and is working for a PhD. He does get with Silver and they end up with two houses, Silver’s childhood home in Briar Valley and a house near the lab in the Queendom of Roses. He does music as a hobby, and got pretty well liked, especially once it’s found out that Malleus likes his music (who knows if Malleus intentionally leaked that). He’s even thinking about perusing music instead. After a while, he and Silver end up becoming parents and he’s trying his best.

2!Canis - This is only 2!Canis because there’s nothing canon about what happened to 1!timeline. Canis grows up, surrounded by his family, even his new family from NRC. Vargas also learns to be less anxious about Canis disappearing again, so he is granted more freedom like a normal kid. He eventually learns what happened to him and understands why it freaked everyone out. He gets accepted into NRC and is put into Savannaclaw. He idolizes Leona because of his childhood, so he tries to take the housewarden seat. It doesn’t work, but he is granted the position of vice, which he realizes, suits him better. I haven’t thought too much beyond that for him, but I’d like to think he grows up to be an advisor or second in command for someone or something big.

Kit - She actually takes the housewarden seat with Epel as her vice once Vil and Rook leaves. With the help of Kalim and a lot of therapy, she eventually becomes less cynical. She has a sharp tongue and sharp wit, but she learns she doesn’t need to distrust everyone and give all her ire. She also does grow up to be an actor and model. It wasn’t something she chose, it was just those gigs worked out for her and she stuck with it. Once her story got out, she got the nickname of the “missing star” and became a speaker and face for anti-abuse and ways to help homelessness and prejudice against those in need. She also tries to support Fellow with her money, but Fellow also because decently popular as an artist (probably painter), and he denies taking money from her, as “he’s the older brother”. Gidel also ends up in NRC, ending up in Scarabia with the quick wit he learned from Fellow and Kit.

Baby Gidel in Scarabia~

And Domino the family man as well as Kit being a leader.

[slytherinshua]

Hopefully they will get a bit of rest before the show! They definitely need it after the tour though, the schedule seemed brutal. I don't think I'd be able to cope if it was me lol. You'll have to let me know what they are like to watch live, I'm sure they'll be amazing!!

Play is such a comfort song! I have definitely cried listening to it as well haha, also haze. I really do love how they have a song for every mood lol.

I'm honestly so glad that I started to listen to them when I did. I found them at a time when I'm finally starting to think more positively about myself and seeing my own potential, like seeing that I can improve myself but also being kind to myself when I inevitably mess up. I think the messages in their songs are really comforting and make me feel seen. (Although I still remember the night when hug by seventeen absolutely broke me ahaha) Finding a talented violinist who plays music that I like has helped me want to become better in that sense too, although admittedly I have wanted to improve for a while, but Yechan has actually given me a goal which is nice. (I've started to try and learn boogie man and my respect for Yechan has went WAY up).

I have wanted to watch super and for ages!! I never knew where to find it though. I found out about it because I'd started to listen to Hoppipolla and then would watch compilation videos of clips from superband. It seems so fun! And the amount of talent would make me cry ahaha. I'll and Ha Hyunsang's voices in 1000x almost made me cry the first time I listened to it because they blended so beautifully. After getting into Lucy, I was kinda like, the bassist in the awesome cover of the Coldplay song (I can't remember what it's called lol) was Wonsang?! Yechan played viva la Vida?? With Ha Hyunsang?? That made me want to watch it more ahaha (although I don't know if I'll be emotionally prepared to see Sangyeop cry)

I'll let you know if I have any ideas haha, but definitely keep writing for Lucy! I really liked your style of writing and thought you wrote Sangyeop really well!

Enjoy the show!!!!

okay now that I’m back from the show lemme answer this 🥹🥹 I think they did get some rest beforehand they were rly energetic and excited :( moreso than me cause I was so sore it hurt to stand and I was struggling when sangyeop wanted us to jump sigh

You could rly just tell they went all out for their last show of the tour and it was just so special :( I was right by wonsang bcuz he’s my bias and I wanted to watch him up close so most of the videos I took are of him. Whenever I could see sangyeop or get noticed by sangyeop I would die internally idk smth abt him live is just way too attractive and charismatic and he needs to stop being so fucking fine istg??? But wonsang was so cute I was chilling standing by him <33

I swear I can cry to any lucy song cause even the happy ones have sad or relatable lyrics… the sad ones hit so fucking hard absolutely when I need to cry colourless is my go to…. Sangyeop ugh 👹👹👹👹 and when it’s a song like boogie man I just cry cause of how beautifully crafted it is cause I think abt how hard wonsang works on every song LMAO IM SO EMO KILL ME

I also feel like I found them at just the right time but like for the opposite reason. I was going through intense burnout and listening to stove while I worked on schoolwork was the only thing keeping me going :( (along w bambam ty husband <3)

I NEED TO REWATCH SUPERBAND IN FULL TBH CAUSE 😭😭 I went back to watch the lucy stages but I just need to experience the WHOLE thing again… anyway here’s the link to the google doc with the google drive eps for you <3333 AND YES ADVENTURE OF A LIFETIME COVER!!!! Absolutely adored it sm I remember how everyone thought wonsang was selfish and trying to make himself stand out by only picking guitarists while he was the only bassist but then he got all 5 votes cause his arrangement was so beautiful and chilling and ethereal and I love him sm I always call him my lil genius :(

Dropping some photos from the concert hehe

[tesalicious2]

Clone OC 'Pyro' CT-5838

Pyro is part of the Commander Jet's Flamethrower Battalion. As a tubie, his tank had a heating malfunction. This is just the beginning of his relation to heat. As a cadet, he continueally has had incidents with fire, either the droids he was training with spontaneously bursting into flames, his bunk malfunctioning and catching his blankets on fire, or accidentally setting his Alpha trainer on fire (he is very sorry and no one knows how).

Despite his many childhood accidents, he was incredibly skilled and was at the top of his entire cadet grouping (idk there are like 6 squads (based on what we saw with Domino Squad) for cadets but 4 squads is a Platoon in the GAR so idk what the number is but you get it). Despite this his trainer removed him from his squad and reassigneed him to work with a new flamethrower squad, who were also trained as a bomb squad. Despite working primarily flamethrowers, they dealt with anything fire or explosive. Due to their suits and nature of their training, it is very efficient and practical.

He met and worked with Commander Jet as a cadet and was practically his second in command. They were very good friends and he does know Commander Bacara (along with the rest of the flamethrower battalion).

Now, all this fire and accidents does not mean he got his name from his curious accidents. In fact its quite the opposite. See, he is -by all definitions of the word- a pyromaniac. Sure these accidents were not his fault or he intentionally caused them, but here were many later in life that he DID cause.

He is a very chill and honest man, with a kind soul. He loves people and seeing new things. He can be a little mean when deserved and is serious when it comes to the lives of his brothers. However, once Commander Jet gives the go ahead, he becomes manic and laughs uncontrollably. He can and will set fire to everything he sees.

Eventually, closer to the end of the war (not Order 66 bc that doesn't exist to me) he develops pyromania. It had always been present but his brothers would help with the urges. As time went on, the urges became to strong and to cope he would carry a small lighter. While it didn't necessarily help, it distracted his mind and satiated the urges during missions.

Once the war had ended and the Jedi left Coruscant (getting into personal headcanons here). Though they still lived with the Jedi at one of the older renovated temples, he found life much too quiet. Unfortunately, unlike other battalions, the Flamethrower Troopers had to learn to skills rather than apply already known ones, most of the time. Several clones from all over decided to take up outside jobs or missions with Jedi Masters/Shadows, Pyro decided to work as a bounty hunter and Jedi Shadows.

During his time as a bounty hunter, his pyromania did not worsen. However, he did indulge it with more than a lighter. He would occasionally take work for a demonlition guild, allowing him to set fire or blow up whatever was required.

His time as a bounty hunter/shadow was not all wonderful. During a mission gone bad with Jedi Shadow Quinlan Vos, he had lost an arm below the elbow and a leg below the knee. With quick treatment he was able to get mechanical replacements, which he then had himself and his Flamethrower buddies upgrade to shoot fire from the arm.

While having jet boots would be awesome, he already had a jetpack. Instead he chose to upgrade the leg with several blades. The leg can fully split open and spit out a sword or the foot can push into the ankle joint and pop out a blade at the heel, like a bladed high heel shoe. With this blade, his kicks would slice whatever came into contact with it.

Looks wise, Pyro hasn't changed much over the years. He's not heavy into body mods like some of the others and keeps things relatively tame. He has simple flowing tattoos that resemble lava flow on his arms and down his thighs. The magma stems from his spine and reaches just at his jaw. The ink used glows bright orange in the dark. Down his spine says 'born of fire' in Mando'a that glows red.

He keeps his hair short and his eyes are a more golden than standard. Pyro, like most flamethrower trooper, has burn scars on his forearms and hands.

Due to his time as a flamethrower trooper, he has lung damage like most. His helmet is equipt with many air filters and seals to keep his lungs safe. Not only that but his lenses have multiple filters to see people/targets through fire/large heat sources.

[withloveajaxx]

for the ask game!! cinnamon, mauve, blush, fuchsia, lavender, umber, razzmatazz, safron YES <3

IVE MISSED U TOO ☹️💗 & TELL YOU EVERYTHING?? OMG OKOK (it’s mainly me being sad tho bc life is unfair)

I’ve been doing alright, the two times I moved blogs tho,, it had to do w personal problems & some people had the audacity to send in asks that they rlly shouldn’t have bc it made me so damn uncomfortable and it was not helping w my current state so I left :,) THE SECOND TIME I LEFT WAS ALSO BC OF MY PROBLEMS GETTING WORSE AND WORSE and everything was going downhill and I needed a break + people were still making me uncomfortable w their asks (turned them off before I left again) I had accidentally deleted my only moots blog which I had to replace but using the same url (@yonayie pls my layla theme was so cool I miss it) I then deleted my other blog and moved here!! away from the trolls!! and weirdos who can’t comprehend the fact that I’m a minor!!

I spent my Christmas and new years on the verge of tears, it was not fun 😭 my house started flooding on Christmas and it scared the shit out of me!!! & on new years?? i cried bc 2022 was an ass and sm happened it was terrible & we didn’t set off fireworks like we used to so that sucked :,)

school has been a PAIN. I’m a complete loner so that makes everything harder 😭 & my math teacher? literally how did he get hired he cannot teach to save his life he’s so unfair too it’s CRAZY HNGJSJWIJE the only way I get a passing grade is if I self-study and do rlly well on the end of course test in april (which is getting dangerously close im not ready) I dislike my drama teacher 👨‍🏫 I’m okay with my environmental sci teacher + history teacher theyre chill 🤞the workload is manageable so I think I’ll be able to get all of my credits most def!!

oh oh my birthday is on the 27th!! yes this friday pls im not sure if I’ll be able to do anything for it but if not it’s okay <3 (it’d be the 3rd year not celebrating it which is why I’m so chill abt it that’s so sad 😭)

wow omg that’s sm word vomit pls!! why has my life been so depressing I cannot!! i just hope this year doesn’t treat me as badly!! PRAYS 🙏

okay now ur turn TELL ME EVERYTHINGGG <33 (everything that u can ofc 💓)

STOP WAIT,,, I INSPIRE YOU??? HELP WHY DOES THAT MAKE MY DAY WTF YONA PLEASE ILYSM 💗💗

also omg that's a lot that happened in your absence,,, FIRST OF ALL, i will willingly beat up life and people for you i swear,,, those weirdos better watch out for these hands >:((. secondly, i'm sorry that school, christmas, and new year were a pain in the butt :((. i hope everything gets better for you!! and ofc if you need anyone to talk to, i'll do my best to reply mwah 🫶

AND OMG okay what's been happening in my life,,, i'll put this under a cut so ppl don't need to scroll for too long HAHDJXJSJD

OKAY SO FIRST OF ALL... COLLEGE APPLICATIONS. good god those humbled me HAHDJKDKSD LYK I AM ACTUALLY STUPID 💀 the one i recently took was so fucking hard it was not even funny,,, like they put shit i've never learned, heard of, or saw and it was HORRIBLE. i was literally guessing everything math related please pray for my future </33 HAHDJDJKD.

ALSO!! I GOT INTO KPOP MORE AGAIN HEHEHEHE. i recently went to a concert of one of my favorite groups and holy shit. i cried. like so many times. HAHDJCKDF IT WAS CRAZY GETTING TO SEE THEM IRL AND I JUST AAAAAAAAJSKCIISJD 😭😭 i'm also seeing another group next week,,, MY ULTIMATE FAVORITE ONE. and i shit you not i am not mentally or emotionally prepared to see those men up close and on stage HSJFKDKDD

also yea school was a bitch 💀 tons of freeloaders and horrible teachers but yk what,,, i got my report today and i passed so it's okay HAHSJFKKDD. also i'm graduating soon and that's kinda scary n idk how to cope but yes 😭 i'm just hoping for the best and giving it my all HSHDJKKFF

BUT THAT'S BEEN ABOUT IT FOR ME,,, HOPING 2023 IS GOOD TO US <33

also nah i'm making sure your birthday will be somewhat special <33 gonna hold a tumblr party n give u a lil something I SWEAR 💗

[kageyamatobiyogurt]

haikyuu boys and what they did over quarantine

a/n: we all maybe got into something new or fell back in love with something old and ngl i feel like we’re spiraling back into early pandemic vibes so here’s me coping and writing something lighthearted nsysys

includes: tendou, kuroo, iwaizumi, kageyama, sakusa

tendou: bread

i feel like he kind of always figured he’d be able to do it but never found the time ??

specifically hopped on the bread baking trend

mans started out very basic, a standard loaf of white bread and it turned out alright

this is good he thought, but also kind of boring 

so he began getting more curious

what else could he do?? what other ingredients can he use???

mans really starts his bread grind, basting some loads in butter and seasoning with different herbs

he becomes a master at grinding garlic lmao

when he figures out how to braid bread they all start to come out prettier with more elaborate designs

he learns that he can cut a loaf with a knife so that it’ll bake with certain indents 

he makes bagels at some point too???

also has to chill out at some point because there is more bread in his house than he can eat

lowkey gains a following on tiktok for his quirky self narrating his process

there’s always an aggressive bead slap somewhere and idk how else to explain it 

occasionally delivers bread to family and friends such as ushijima (while making sure he was quarantined and negative and following social distancing rules)

mans goes around his neighborhood on a bike with fresh bread in the basket and it’s just overall very wholesome 

overall, he establishes that he’s good with food :))

kuroo: knitting

he actually doesn’t know what possessed him to try this out

maybe he was feeling a bit antsy staying home all the time

maybe he felt unproductive, there was nothing tangible from all the time he was just inside 

one day he comes across one of those tiktoks where someone knits an entire sweater 

the lightbulb goes off in his head - maybe i can do that he thinks 

it’s just a loop in a loop, right? 

the first thing he ever attempts is a scarf because it’s essentially a really long strip 

it’s a bit wonky because it’s his first. there’s a random hole in the yarn here and there and the tightness of his loops aren’t very balanced 

you could kind of tell he was struggling with the first ten rows lmao 

but he does get the hang of it towards the end of the scarf 

eventually he finds himself trying to figure out more intricate stitches and following more intricate patterns 

knitting almost becomes therapeutic when he needs something to do with his hands 

ends up knitting presents for people: specifically kenma. kuroo makes him a little beanie to keep his little head warm :((

mans will also probably tackle knitting with the really big yarn- the kind that people knit with by using their arms as the knitting needles lmaoo

he does eventually knit himself an entire sweater and he is quite proud 

iwaizumi: actually resting

he’s usually a busy guy, really embodied the word “grind” pre-pandemic

he was satisfied with the routine he established for himself too 

his body was used to it 

he’d wake up at six every morning, have his lunch on the go, get to work, do his work, then go home, maybe look over some of his client’s workout plans, have dinner, and go to bed at a reasonable hour 

most minutes of his day had a purpose 

so when everything was suddenly work from home, iwaizumi was a bit bothered that his routine was disturbed

suddenly, there were a couple extra hours in his day he didn’t know what to do with 

suddenly, he didn’t have to wake up at six am 

suddenly, he could take more time to prepare and actually enjoy his meals 

suddenly, he had to change some workout routines because not everyone had access to a gym anymore 

so he had to look for something new regarding exercise too- he hadn’t done that in a while 

mans turned to yoga because he still had to exercise to maintain himself too 

but ultimately, being home so much allowed iwaizumi to slow down too. life didn’t have to constantly be a grind 

he could slow down 

so maybe he lets himself sit on the couch a couple hours to watch something 

maybe he takes a nap in the middle of the day because he’s feeling it 

maybe he even does those face masks that oikawa sends him 

there’s one moment in quarantine where he’s sitting with a cold, soothing mask, on his face. his eyes are closed and he just feels calm. there’s also music playing in his house and he realizes how good it feels to rest. to properly rest  

he takes note of this feeling and makes sure to never forget to give himself time like this - even after quarantine ends 

kageyama: bringing shows, movies etc.

sometimes kageyama could feel out of the loop 

maybe hinata or someone from the karasuno gang would make a reference to some show or movie -he didn’t know- and everyone would laugh 

except him 

being home so much irked kageyama mainly for the reason that he could not play volleyball (it irked everyone, but kageyama especially) 

setting to a wall and watching volleyball videos could only do so much 

but he remembers these moments where he’s the only one not laughing at a reference 

so he begins his delve

he messages the (very lively) karasuno group chat asking for pop culture recommendations and he’s hit with an absolute flood of movies and shows

first the chat asks him what he has watched and it’s very, very little

an outrage starts -with every person yelling in all caps and nishinoya in particular spamming angry emojis- when he innocently admits he hasn’t watched harry potter

so that’s his first assignment: he gets through all eight movies in about 5 days and he’s slowly updating the boys after every movie

he says the first one seems innocent, lighthearted. look at these kids doing magic! oh but how the turn tables when he gets to movie 4… he’s rapid firing in the group chat asking how that could even happen! isn’t this supposed to be a kid’s movie ??

honestly the entire group chat starts live streaming the movies together because they figure why not?

kageyama’s straight crying during the last movie ;-; he never knew what hit him. the other boys would joke around too but ngl everyone’s crying during movie 8

he’s in awe of the franchise for a good week when he’s given another recommendation, and the routine continues like that. if its a series, he usually watches alone, but the group does occasionally come together to stream movies because those are quick to get through

kageyama really does his deep dive

he gets through game of thrones, attack on titan (he started it a while ago but just never had the time to finish), the walking dead, breaking bad, the simpsons, the office… the works

hinata also gives him your lie in april as a prank and it’s so MEAN. everyone calls kageyama when he just so happens to get to the last episode too 💀😭

he gets through classic movies too as per recommendations on instagram too. akaashi gives him goodfellas, parasite, bokuto gives him mean girls (LMAO), titanic, somehow tendou recommends silence of the lambs and kageyama sleeps a little unsettled that night PLS

mans makes it through so many disney movies with yamaguchi snd yachi lmao - hinata joins sometimes

whenever kags does something, he wants to do it well

he spends a lot of his free time over quarantine watching anything and everything and it doesn’t mean he’s sitting on his butt- he works out a lot while watching too- but he does get a lot of new information 

just something he didn’t have the time to do before

sakusa: youtube video essays

he can’t deny that quarantine was inconvenient

while the idea of catching a virus was the last thing on earth that he needed, he missed his life and he missed volleyball

like iwaizumi though, sakusa began to enjoy the comfort of his own home

his house was clean just like he wanted it, and he already did enjoy spending time alone

he found himself on youtube quite often

sakusa still needed something to stimulate him and videos did range in duration.. so that worked well for him

he’d be watching the youtubers he kept track of and just watching volleyball content in general

but one day a video essay pops up in his recommendations and he clicks on it without much thought

it was a video essay analyzing the pixar theory out of all things

sine how he gets really invested??? there’s so many videos with deeper analyses of shows and movies he’s watched somewhat passively ???

somehow he watches a video regarding the demonization of femininity in hollywood, and he thinks, ‘huh there is a certain continuity with that..”

suddenly all these channels of his brain are being opened within videos that span 30 minutes

then he sees an analysis of the musical score of harry potter and the prisoner of azkaban and sakusa -with no experience playing an instrument or music theory- listens intently to every single minute of it

he finds that he loves it

he kind of loves all of this food for thought and all of the new perspectives he’s gaining

he finds a video on biblically accurate angels ? who knew they weren’t cute little cherubs usually!

he finds an analysis of hell’s kitchen? it doesn’t matter if sakusa can do only the most basic cooking

somehow he’s absorbing anything and everything and expanding his mind

and all from the comfort of home :)

he also sends kageyama the video essays explaining the ending of certain movies he didn’t get (one of them was american psycho)

[skullstarz]

dads when you have depression

-> father figure! present mic, aizawa, and all might.

i didnt know what to title this lol. i back. i uhhh have not existed for the last idk how long. i might explain what happened later if you guys are curious, its nothing interesting just my journey with trying to better myself 💆🏽‍♀️ [EDIT PRE POST: GAH DAMN WAIT IVE BEEN GONE A WHOLE MONTH... UM... IM SO SORRY]

warnings: uhhhh. homie idk obvious one is depression ig?? and language.

word count: 198 (present mic), 223 (aizawa), 225 (all might).

alternative title: i do not have a father figure so i must substitute my absent dad for a 2d dad LMAO ....

check out my masterlist for more of my works!!

PRESENT MIC

♡ the overly enthusiastic father figure.

♡ offers to drive you to the pharmacy for refills, therapy sessions, visits to your psychiatrist, anything you need.

♡ always makes sure you know that you can tell him anything, but also that he understands if something is too recent or uncomfortable to talk about, and gives you your space.

♡ tries to brighten the place, and makes your surroundings clean and lively so that your environment does not further depress you.

♡ is supportive of any type of way you try to cheer yourself up.

♡ you decide you’re going to try to eat healthy since you’ve heard a good diet can impact mental health? he’s all in with you, he’s giving up junk food too.

♡ is loud and boisterous to a certain degree. If he sees that its just irritating and frustrating you more than it’s making you laugh, he quiets down (dw, he’s not hurt by it).

♡ all in all, rather than just being understanding, he gently nudges you towards the self care route.

♡ no, not the face masks and bubble baths type self care, the cry it all out and dig deep to find what really is the issue type of self care.

AIZAWA

♡ the experienced and tired father figure.

♡ one of his “kids” is a traumatized little girl and the other is a sleep deprived homosexual, so he knows his way around dealing with trauma, depression, and pain.

♡ he’s much more chill than present mic, but he still worries his ass off because of you three.

♡ because of this little mentally ill found family you guys have, some days everyone is too emotionally drained so i feel like you guys have started a tradition of cuddling up on the couch to comfort each other without further stressing one another out.

♡ these cuddle sessions are very private though, because shinsou is probably one of those tsundere mfs.

♡ aizawa certainly has a unique and sarcastic way of joking around (as does shinsou) so i think he picks up on cues that today you’re just not in the mood and gives you a break.

♡ he’s much more of a sit back and observe type of person, only jumping in if he sees that you’re digging yourself a hole you might not be able to dig yourself out of in the end.

♡ he lets you take care of yourself because he wants you to learn how to be independent and form healthy coping mechanisms rather than depending on him.

♡ he still loves you and takes care of you willingly, though.

ALL MIGHT

♡ the inexperienced and stressed father.

♡ his ass probably reads books about depression because he just doesn't have a clue as to what to do.

♡ you know izuku’s broccoli ass probably has anxiety too so all might has a plate full of things to learn.

♡ he lets you explain and teach him what you think you need him to know and help you with, and never oversteps boundaries.

♡ he's very cautious about what may or may not hurt/affect you but doesn't show it all that much.

♡ it may at some times feel like he’s a bit distant but that's not because he doesn’t care about you, rather he is unconsciously putting space between you and him so he doesn’t accidentally do something wrong.

♡ lots of trial and error, but he takes it seriously and with some time and experience he gets the hang of being a father figure to you.

♡ he isn't the type to be visibly anxious or fretful, rather his worries are often things in the back of his mind or things he thinks about lying awake at night before falling asleep.

♡ he definitely seems like more of a serious/low energy person when out of his big muscle version so he goes out of his way a bit to ensure you know he cares even if he physically looks like he doesn't.

[tanaka-ryunosakes-husband]

If I met Karasuno, I would…

Daichi: idk. Have a long talk about philosophy or something.

I just. I vibe with him. He’s my unofficial kin.

Sugawara: fight him.

I don’t know why. But he just looks so fight-able. I wanna punch his stupid face. (I don’t hate him. I just. Idk. I feel like we would fight if he were real or whatever.)

Asahi: tell him to get a fucking therapist.

You gotta learn how to cope with that anxiety better bud.

Nishinoya: go to an amusement park with him. Or rent a gymnastic gym out (lol I have money in this theoretical universe) and fuck around for a day.

Just wanna do something fun with him. Get my manic energy out. (If I’m in a manic episode of course) or just. Get out of my head for a while

Tanaka: I would kiss his forehead. Tell him it’s okay to not be okay. Then get fuckin hype and do stupid shit.

I love Tanaka. So much. Mans deserves a good cry. It’s exhausting to be mentally strong and tough all the time.

Ennoshita: vibe with him. Maybe get high or something. Just chill out with him. Play some Minecraft together.

He seems like a good dude to de-stress with.

Kinoshita: hype him up. He deserves it.

Poor dude. Has no confidence.

Narita: who?

We have nothing on him in the anime. And if there is stuff in the manga- I just started it. Give me a break.

Kageyama: give him a taste of his own medicine

Make him ride a fuckin horse and call him worthless if he does it wrong. (I ride and train horses in my free time)

Hinata: cry

I love him. I really do. He just. I would be exhausted from sitting in the same room as him for a couple minutes.

Tsukishima: Make fun of him for getting so broken up over his brother lying to him.

Like. Really dude? That fucked you up so bad you became the shittiest dude ever? Grow a spine. A real one. Not the fucking back brace you have on to fake a spine.

Yamaguchi: call him beautiful.

Idk. He needs someone to be nice to him. Genuinely nice. Mother fuckers a bully too though. Maybe he doesn’t need someone to be nice to him. Idk.

Kiyoko: worship the ground she walks. Duh.

But fr. I would try to reassure her. That she’s a great manager, and a great friend. she deserves the friend she made in Yachi. She deserves more amazing friends too.

Yachi: sweet girl. Get a therapist for fuck’s sake.

For the sake of all fucks. Get one darling. You got a lot to unpack and process.

Ukai jr.: call him a bitch then tell him he’s doing great

I feel like he’s insecure about if he’s a good coach. He is. He also needs a fucking break. Maybe I’d take him out to lunch. Treat him to something relaxing.

Takeda: uh. Tell him he’s invaluable for the team. He believed in them the most. He’s the one who made nationals possible.

He doesn’t get enough credit. He’s an amazing supportive teacher. We need more Takeda’s in this world.

Seijoh

[aj28gaming]

Nagito's dementia and misuse of information

CAN PEOPLE STOP TRYING TO USE FRONTOTEMPORAL DEMENTIA SYMPTOMS TO EXPLAIN HIM?

.

What I mean is, yes he has dementia or is at least diagnosed with it

And I believe that he probably does actually have dementia (not saying he could've lied tho but he could've still been misdiagnosed)

But that doesn't mean he has all of the symptoms

.

I don't think we can confirm if he does or doesn't have dementia because he might just not have all of the symptoms

But I do know that using the symptoms to explain his character isn't a good idea especially since it usually undermines who he actually is

.

So stop using his dementia as a way to explain EVERYTHING HE DOES AND IS

He doesn't even have all the symptoms and is close to having almost none of them

Using a mental illness to explain a character's entire character is a bad idea and makes it seem like it's who they are entirely

Yes Nagito is diagnosed with dementia however that isn't who he is entirely

He is a complicated character with a lot of layers

And his illnesses definitely don't make up ALL OF HIS LAYERS AND CHARACTER

.

Okay now, let me explain

(These are a combination of all of the symptoms of Frontotemporal dementia that I have gathered)

.

(I AM NOT TRYING TO PROVE HE DOESN'T HAVE DEMENTIA BECAUSE HE MIGHT STILL HAVE IT, I'M JUST TRYING TO POINT OUT WHY USING THE SYMPTOMS TO EXPLAIN EVERYTHING HE DOES IS A BAD THING)

.

Now onto the symptoms:

.

Behavior and/or dramatic personality changes, such as swearing, stealing, increased interest in sex, or a deterioration in personal hygiene habits

- No, and no not even when the killing game started. Yeah sure he laughs now, but that's no different from how he is normally since laughing for him is what he does when he gets surprised or stressed. He doesn't change much in the killing game, he still believes in hope and everyone else, still respects boundaries, still have crazy high intellect and empathy, still pushes people away

.

Socially inappropriate, impulsive, or repetitive behaviors

- not really, again the guy is a freaking gentleman even during the killing game. He respects boundaries, reprimands Teruteru for sexual assault during chapter 1, pushes people away and distances himself from others, isn't at all impulsive (usually quite the opposite really), and is usually planning and tries to remain calm and composed throughout the killing game (struggling tho cuz yeah killing game)

.

Impaired judgment

- here, I kinda disagree. I wouldn't say that Nagito is entirely in the right with everything he does, but I understand his views. The guy knows that no one is truly a bad person in the killing game because everyone was forced into it. He knows that even the blackened escapes and everyone dies, it isn't fully a bad thing because that means someone escapes and goes back home to their loved ones while the killing game ends

If a blackened succeeds, the despair would be of course everyone else dying and the blackened going through a lot of trauma, but the hope would be the end of the killing game and the blackened going home or to their loved ones or to their goal in life or whatever

If the blackened dies, the despair would obviously be the blackened dying and the killing game still continuing, while the hope would be everyone else still alive

Nagito isn't exactly wrong in wanting to help the blackened as well, of course, Nagito would want him himself to be the victim so another person gets a chance at escape and no one else would be the victim

Sadly for Nagito, that time never comes

Nagito doesn't want others to be killed, he wants to sacrifice himself instead as the victim instead of everyone else

.

Apathy

- .....big no. Nonononono. The dude is anything but apathetic.

"Apathy is a lack of feeling, emotion, interest, or concern about something."

Seriously, being a dude who is constantly supportive of everyone and their hopes in life and how passionate this dude gets about hope and despair, and the fact that he is the most stressed 24/7 about something bad happening due to his luck, this guy is seriously anything but apathetic

.

Lack of empathy

- No. If the guy truly lack empathy he wouldn't need to use Hope desperately as a coping mechanism, wouldn't care about the ultimates and their hopes and despairs, wouldn't constantly be thinking about helping the ultimates and overcoming despair, wouldn't be the most stressed out of everyone, and definitely wouldn't be in love with Hajime or even act the way he did in chapter 1

.

Decreased self-awareness

- You don't actually understand why you act the way you do. A good indicator that you lack self-awareness deals with how well you understand your emotions, actions, and behavior. People who lack self-awareness often feel constantly off-kilter, anxious, or angry.

This is not Nagito at all. The guy understands his emotions and behaviors which is why he is able to do the things he does and is able to conduct plans based on how much he understands his own self and capabilities. The guy is actually the most self-aware out of everyone, he knows about how people don't understand him and constantly misunderstand him and his intentions, he is aware constantly of his inability sometimes to properly explain his goals to people.

The guy has a lot of self-awareness and isn't afraid to take responsibility for his actions. Actually, it's because of how self-aware he is of his own self and his destructive luck cycle that he constantly blames himself for anything bad that happens.

The guy is seriously self-aware as hell and it's scary sometimes

.

Loss of interest in normal daily activities

- Nope, he hasn't shown any sign of apathy towards anything and is usually pretty hyped about doing daily activities. He is paranoid though on the daily because he fears for what his luck cycle might do

.

Emotional withdrawal from others

- Emotional withdrawal involves bottling up your emotions. It involves cutting out the people who could help us, because we're so used to rejection that we've learned to anticipate it. Because we've learned to disconnect from others, we develop other unhealthy coping mechanisms

Emotional withdrawal is defined as pulling back emotionally or physically by bottling up your feelings or disconnecting from others. Emotional withdrawal can be far more complex at times. It is comparable to a breakup, in every way but physical.

Kind of? Yes, he pushes people away, but he is still willing to spend time with people, especially Hajime, when they really insist. He politely pushes people away, but he isn't opposed to hanging out with people either though it is sometimes rare

.

Loss of energy and motivation

- .... I already said it before, the guy is full of motivation and energy and passion that it is scary sometimes

.

Inability to use or understand language; this may include difficulty naming objects, expressing words, or understanding the meanings of words

-.....WHY IS THIS HERE? THE GUY IN THE JAPANESE DUB CONSTANTLY FLEXES HIS DAMN ENGLISH VOCABULARY DESPITE IT BEING A JAPANESE DUB

AND THE FUCKING ENGLISH WORDS HE USES ARE FANCY AND HIGH LEVEL AS FUCK THAT I FEEL SMART JUST READING THEM

.

Hesitation when speaking

- Definite no, the guy isn't afraid to voice his own opinions and never hesitates and can get very vocal about the things he is passionate about

.

Less frequent speech

- Again, definite hell no. I wouldn't be surprised if his voice lines are longer than the voice lines of everyone else combined

.

Distractibility

- Nope. The guy is focused on his goals constantly. No matter what he does, you can always be sure that it is for a certain goal. He pisses of Fuyuhiko? It was to get a reaction from him to confirm his suspicions about the true culprit. He lied about the rope? It was to see how Mikan would react and how the trial would go to confirm his suspicions about Mikan being the culprit?

The guy is focused like a damn soldier

.

Trouble planning and organizing

-.....do I seriously need to explain? This is Nagito we are talking about

.

Frequent mood changes

- Not really. He usually acts or reacts a certain way because something happened like someone died or something. He is actually pretty normal with how he acts and reacts and doesn't really change his mood rapidly that much

.

Agitation

- Yes and no? Sure the guy gets paranoid 24/7, but is still somewhat more chill than agitated to an extent. He is easy going and is just paranoid about what his luck would do, he is vigilant but not necessarily agitated

.

Increasing dependence

- No. The guy is independent to a fault and only relies on others when his plans call for it. He also usually does things of his own accord and rarely with a partner unless he really needs to or his goal is to help that person specifically, which knowing him is a usual thing

.

Unwillingness to talk

- Again, no. The guy talks a lot and while he pushes others away, he wouldn't turn down a conversation if the other person wanted one

.

Lack of inhibition or lack of social tact

- Again, no. The guy is a gentleman and respects boundaries and definitely gets stressed especially in the killing game. The guy is also paranoid 24/7 on a normal day due to his luck cycle

.

Obsessive or repetitive behavior, such as compulsively shaving or collecting items

- No? Sure he clings to hope but that is more of a coping mechanism. If he isn't in a stressful situation like a killing game he doesn't get that obsessive as much about hope since he doesn't need to desperately cling to it as a coping mechanism

.

Unusual verbal, physical or sexual behavior

- No? He isn't at all like this. It isn't unusual to panic or use a coping mechanism desperately when in a situation like a killing game, and he doesn't do anything unusual like this when it's a normal day. Sure the guy gets paranoid, but that's it

.

Weight gain due to dramatic overeating

- No? Actually, I don't really know how much weight he gains to be honest so idk

.

.

.

My main point here is, yes there is a chance Nagito does actually have dementia, but using the symptoms as a way to explain his character undermines who he actually is and can cause a lot of misunderstandings of his character

Especially since I remember being told that they only added in dementia to his character backstory a little late during his character development and creation

It isn't a good idea to use his symptoms because it usually gets his character wrong and sometimes makes them excuse a lot of the things he has done

The guy is self-aware, isn't socially inept, is a gentleman, and socially intelligent as hell

.

And again

Stop using his dementia as a way to explain EVERYTHING HE DOES AND IS

He doesn't even have all the symptoms and is close to having almost none of them

Using a mental illness to explain a character's entire character is a bad idea and makes it seem like it's who they are entirely

Yes Nagito is diagnosed with dementia however that isn't who he is entirely

He is a complicated character with a lot of layers

And his illnesses definitely don't make up ALL OF HIS LAYERS AND CHARACTER

.

.

.

[sparklinpixiedust]

Basic Training Headcanons

I don't know why but after reading @jennifer-10nyson post , ( here ) , I wanted to write this down.

This was supposed to be a small paragraph but then I got carried away and then OCs started coming in and well, it got long and ended up being this. Also I didn't re - read after it was done so sorry for the grammatical mistakes. Also sorry if things aren't Canon, I wasn't exactly thinking about it much when I was typing it out.

This is how the Basic Training episode [ or story arc ] should've gone in my opinion.

The trio is taken to the academy as usual

Ben complains , Tack is introduced

Brannigan is still a jerk, but still is head of the alpha squad.

They are the best ranking team in the academy

Ben and co will not be fighting with them or against them throughout their stay.

They've been training for a while and are on a whole other level. Ben and Co. are considered newbies to the program so it doesn't make sense for them to be together.

When they arrive , they are taken to the main hall.

Ben, even Gwen and Kevin don't really think the need training. They have saved the world a lot.

There are more aliens besides them , not just the 4.

Hulka informs them that they will have specific training to help them develop their own capabilities.

They will then also have common classes like what were mentioned in the episode about space ships n alike, and stratergy making sessions

One of the classes is a common combat class like using weapons and stuff we saw in the episode, for times when they can't use their powers for some reason [ like how anodites cant use mana on geochelones]

They have dinner and go to bed.

Next day they start their traning.

Besides Gwen , there are only 2 other anodites present, Josephine and Celeste.

Josephine is an anodite- petrosapien hybrid and Celeste is a splixson-anodite hybrid [ why are they like that? Lol idk, just thought I explore the whole anodites can have kids with any species aspect and these were the first aliens that popped into my head so I'm going with them]

The first session is to show what they are capable of by going through a stimulation.

Neither of them make it to the end, though Gwen puts up a good fight compared to the others.

Gwen's pretty irked because she's worked hard yet she's not much better than the other 2. Then again she's self taught, there wasn't really much she could learn on her own.

The magsiter in charge of them is anodite as well, a pure anodite.

He makes a plan. By the end of the program, each of them would be able to fly to a degree and cast "spells".

Nothing too major since proper anodite training lasts for like 60-70 years.

Plumbers just train them enough so they can put up a good fight.

Their powers are further specialised due to being hybrids. Josephine's mana is bulkier and doesn't flow as smooth. The shields she puts up are pretty crystalline looking. She treats her mana like it's taydenite , by forming it into spears (?) and such.

Celeste doesn't really focus on shields much but instead focuses on making multiple copies of her self. They don't all share feelings, their kind of like echo - echo but without with sonar.

Both of them do dual training , but major in mana manipulation and minor in the others because their anodite abilities are their weak point.

Gwen's human so nothing special for her :(

Now moving on to Kevin.

There are 5 osmosians , including Kevin

" aren't you the guy that destroyed the academy 2 months ago?" - uhh ..yes ? - awesome dude, up top"

Amanda and her twin sister Stacy grew up on a space ship in space. Their father was an osmosian plumber that constantly got relocated to different planets.

Jeremy is one of those stuck up dudes who thinks he's better than everyone.

Kevin scoffed him off initially but is amazed when he saw him absorbing and using electricity during the stimulation with great control.

Phineas is pretty much like Kevin. Chill and all about the tech.

Their Magister is one of Osmos V's elders. She exclaims her delight when she learns Kevin is Devins son, talking about what a great plumber he was.

Jeremy and Kevin finish the stimulation neck to neck.

Kevin's not as great as Jeremy, but he's been in enough difficult situations to cope well during battle.

The plan for them: learn to absorb and control small amounts of raw energy and learn how to absorb enough of the opponents energy to equal the playing field for a while.[ idea from the @theangrycomet ]

Now Ben

Ben has the most difficult time because he needs to learn basic fighting skills for not one, but over 10 different aliens.

Poor guy is all over the place.

He needs extra training to strategise what aliens would work best in sequence of attack, know a lot about their main strengths and weaknesses

Ben gets a shock of realisation that he doesn't know much of anything lol.

" how was I supposed to know big chill is allergic to vanilla, and why would that ever be important?!! - what if you get attacked by a giant vanilla alien one day huh? You choose big chill and youre out of the game for the next hour - wow.... there are vanilla aliens? Are there chocolate ones ? - focus tennyson!

Of course there's tons of other alien species ad well.

Over all, there's around 32 aliens in the given cohort.

This whole program lasts for the whole of summer , not like 5 days. You can't train properly in 5 days.

Gwen and the others get along pretty well. It's nice to spend time with people besides Ben and Kevin.

Kevin's good too. He's surprising himself everyday with what he can do.

He and Phineas are the cool guys of the cohort, throwing random dorm room parties and just having a good time.

Kevin has a rivalry with Jeremy , but its not personal or anything.

The trio are still kind of a big deal.

Initially there was some autograph signing and picture taking but after a while the excitement died down a bit.

At the end they have 5 tests.

One is the written exam on what they've learnt about space craft and Weaponry, different alien cultures and their planets, basic alien science [ strengths and weaknesses], a personalised obstacle course , and then a team [ teams of 4] obstacle course like the hostage situation thing in the actual episode.

No ones breaking out of the null void in this AU, no major enemy threat.

It's about training and it's going to stay about training.

Of course , enemies still attack Ben but since its at a training academy, there's lots of plumbers around so the situation simmers down pretty quickly.

Gwen gets a 97, Kevin gets a 100 , Ben gets a 85.

It's not like Ben wasn't paying attention. He was just really exhausted from everything.

[katsidhe]

7.02 final thoughts? (Idk if this one has been requested yet)

7.02 Final Thoughts

*rubs hands* Ah, yes, the episode that got me into SPN. I could talk forever about season 7. 

Fun drinking game: take a shot every time someone makes a different colorful idiom about Sam being insane. Hint: you’ll die, because I counted 25.

(I WONDER WHY Sam didn’t want to tell Bobby or Dean about his active symptoms of psychosis. Truly, a mystery for the ages.)

Even setting Hallucifer aside, this episode highlights so many of the things I high-key LOVE about season 7: the erosion of Sam and Dean’s support network (as tenuous as that already was)—take away Bobby’s house, take away angelic healing, take away the Impala, make them vulnerable and alone and crumbling under the weight of the trauma they’ve accumulated. The broken leg, Sam’s head injury and seizure in the ambulance? Strapped down, badly injured, the fates of their friends uncertain, headed into the belly of the beast? ICONIC. Over the top. Amazing.

It’s a similar kinda thing to Jody’s predicament—sure, she’s capable enough ordinarily, but if you give her surgery and drug her and leave her alone in a hospital with a liver-eating monster on the prowl, the stakes look a lot different, don’t they? I’ve seen this episode approximately one gazillion times but every time I get tense for her.

Quick thoughts on the Leviathans, which have a reputation as an underwhelming SPN villain. Perhaps because of how unsubtle and half-baked they are as metaphor for corporate greed/capitalistic consumption, perhaps because of how their promise of truly terrifying Old Ones, Cthulu-esque devourers, never quite came true (except for a bit in 7.01 and 7.02, yikes!). But honestly I’ve always liked them—I like how their organization and assimilation of knowledge drives the Winchesters deeper underground than even the Apocalypse did; I like how they made the Winchesters’ entire world into something mundanely unsafe and miserable; I like how they showcase the horror of a enemy composed of lockstep drones, the way that Heaven (and Hell, sometimes) tries to be, but never truly manages; I like Dick Roman’s gleeful ravenousness; I like their spooky mouths; hell, I even like the Dick jokes. 

Bobby’s solicitousness towards Dean, and how awkwardly he talks to Sam a little later in the episode, is very emblematic of how bone-deep uncomfortable he is around an honest-to-God mental illness, and, well, around Sam’s issues in general. Which doesn’t make him a bad person, or unsupportive, necessarily. But it’s very evident that he’s got no clue what to say to Sam or how to handle him, that he’s leagues more comfortable dealing with Dean’s problems (as has often been the case regardless of Sam’s mental health).

A related, but separate point: the lengths the show goes to to emphasize “look, Dean’s not okay,” while Sam’s in the middle of a psychotic break… It baffles me a little every time I see this episode, when Bobby walks away from Sam all “yyyyeah I gotta go do some work” and then is immediately all “ok but Dean, how are YOU feeling?” It’d be one thing if Dean weren’t emotionally demonstrative, and if Sam were—if Sam, at this point in the episode, was so obviously struggling to such a painful degree that Bobby wants to make sure Dean’s not overlooking his own reactions. But that’s not really the case. Apart from some flinching, Sam’s been very matter-of-fact about the whole thing so far.

This is our first deep-dive into Sam post-Cage, a full season about he returned. And I love it to pieces, you guys. I love how these inescapable, soul-deep consequences are the inevitable answer to the moral of Sam’s story, where he interred himself with his worst nightmare, forever.

Dean after Hell is clawing for moral high ground. Dean focuses on this bleak kind of virtue, this idea of martyrdom and righteous struggle that eventually unspools and reveals itself to be fundamentally unmoored. He needs some kind of redemption for himself after what he was forced to do in Hell; he needs to own his destiny, and he needs that destiny to be meaningful and good, and he channels his violence outward in that cause.  

Sam does not take any kind of high ground. He hurts... himself. He gnaws inward. No illusions about how “messed up” he is—he sidelines himself before Dean or Bobby can say a single word; he figures he needs to be on top of it, needs to get out ahead of the danger he could represent and reassure his family that he knows he’s a hazard. Sam has learned to repress and downplay and hide his traumas and his freakishness both to avoid feeling stigmatized and to avoid being a burden on the people he loves, especially on his brother. So when Dean reacts with fear (understandable) and anger (less so), Sam takes it in stride.

Hallucifer is probably my favorite thing this show has ever done. I could probably write another thousand words on Hallucifer alone—on how Sam’s using this face for coping, for compartmentalizing; both to hurt himself and to keep himself company, to sort through his pain and arrive at a place where it’s at all tenable for him to exist. 

Sam’s skepticism about professional mental health treatment—his idea that this is a problem he can handle himself, that a doctor would "just stuff [him] full of pills”—is clearly one born of the family mold. This is his dismissive response to Hallucifer!Dean’s accusation that Sam won’t be able to cut it on his own. This denial, this idea that Sam knows he needs to get a handle on this, and therefore that he MUST do it himself, make a science of it, is fascinating. 

On the subject of denial: Hallucifer poses a simple question to Sam: are you sure you got out? And Sam’s NOT sure. Faith that he’s free is yet another maybe-lie that Sam must tell himself with maniacal intensity this season, for the sake of his own sanity, to avoid the voice in his head telling him to shoot himself. 

That Scene in the warehouse. Dean’s advice to Sam is to trust in Dean as the cornerstone of his reality. Asks him to build his whole world on his trust in Dean. What choice does Sam have? Who else can Sam rely on? What else can he do? There is no one else, nothing else. There’s only Dean, or Lucifer. It’s a dichotomy. It’s so CHILLING.

Especially in the context of what we know comes next—7.03, where Dean lies to Sam’s face, murders Amy, and uses Sam’s ~insanity~ to defuse Sam’s (justified) anger. And then, season 8, and 9, and 10, and, y’know what, the entire show. 

Sam drives his thumb into his bleeding hand, and it’s SPN in a nutshell—forever choosing the claustrophobia of the path of slightly less resistance, forever clinging to the misery of a life that’s only just this side of bearable, burying yourself in the toxic fallout because the alternative is unimaginably nightmarish—using the trappings of free will, of defiance, to choose to claw holes in yourself so that someone else won’t. There is no escape.

Dean’s threat of murder-suicide on the phone is so clearly meant to be sympathetic. And yes, on a certain level it absolutely is; and then on another level, it’s, y’know, MURDER-suicide, where Dean’s taking explicit responsibility for and ownership of Sam’s life, even though Sam’s pretty clearly lucid. Dean’s assuming as a matter of course his ability and right to make that decision for Sam. How Dean views and deals with Sam’s instability in season 7 lays major groundwork for Dean’s willingness to let in Gadreel in 9.01.

[soularia]

Part 2 of Cullen's dialogue in Origins

There wasn't supposed to be a part 2 but the VO/Localization Comments actually give more insight on his mental state during Broken Circle, maybe it's just me but it wasn't conveyed properly in-game.

This is from his .chr file:

Description: Trained Templar. Appears in the Mage Origin as being a little sympathetic to the mages' situation. However, events in the Broken Circle have hardened him.

Archetype: Innocent that's been hardened by circumstance.

What do companions have to say about this?

Wynne:

Alistair:

Leliana:

Zevran:

Thank you, Zevran 😑

I've put these last two here because I think it often gets overlooked when people talk about his character: self-loathing, suvivor's guilt and having his ideals shattered.

Oh and this:

He’s not objectifying the Mage Warden.  The 𝐭ⒽĮ𝓝Ǥ in question is being able to be honest about his feelings without the guilt and shame, because he’s a proper Templar and a knight who is supposed to watch over mages...not have feelings for them.

Being a Templar is also a religious vocation and requires a great amount of conviction, which is why Alistair didn’t fit in (because excuse you, he's the arl’s ward.  He’s used to running around the castle and village with the other children, tending to the hounds and stealing pies from the kitchens...not sitting in a monastery studying the Chant).

Cullen reminds me of someone who is new to a job...in his case, it’s a dream job he worked really hard for: starry-eyed, idealistic, wanting to do everything perfectly and by the letter.  He would’ve chilled out eventually as he eased into his profession and also learned that there is more to being a Templar than being a knight in shining armor.  I can see him having doubts and being horrified about the Rite of Tranquility and talking to his mentor or Greagoir about it.  He also stops flagellating himself over his feelings. Maybe an older Templar telling him to stop feeling guilty because he’s not made of stone and as long as nothing inappropriate happens, it’s fine BUT Ser Cullen remember what Andraste said about...etc...etc...*mini-sermon*

I can imagine the dumbass being shook when he finds out that some Templars are involved with mages.  He’s so dumb, I hate him, I really do.

and before I wrap this up

People often say his torture is no excuse for the first half of DA2 and he should know better 🤨 ... that’s not how PTSD and depression works.

It’s always darkest before dawn, fire is the test of gold; adversity, of strong men.  He eventually climbs out of that pit...without meds, a therapist (hey that’s a fic idea) and didn’t resort to coping with alcohol and drugs (idk if lyrium and work counts).

Also, he’s dumb.

[vancilocs]

Personality and misc with kenjiro and marcy?

outer rim bounty hunter and almost outer rim almost bounty hunter

Personality:

21. What is their favorite thing about their personality?

He’s mellow and relaxed, so it’s pretty easy to just chill in his company

She’s balanced and rational

22. What is their least favorite thing about their personality?

While he is pretty easygoing it’s too easy to irritate him and also he’s too impulsive

She’s too shy

23. Do they get lonely easily?

Not really, he sees enough people at work and goes out often enough, so when he’s alone he usually wants to be

A bit, she’ll text someone if she’s left alone for too long

24. Do you know their MBTI type?

No idk anything abt those except what mine is

25. What is their biggest flaw?

Too impulsive, lacks inhibitors (because of straight up brain damage), addiction comes along the need for stimulation

She’s not really a leader type and has a hard time standing up for herself sometimes

26. Are they aware of their flaws?

He embraces or ignores them but sometimes he does things like trashes his own apartment and is like goddammit not again

Yeah, and is trying to work on it

27. What is their biggest strength?

Physical strength and reading people

Being balanced

28. Are they aware of their strengths?

Yes and he utilizes them well

When looking at her gf and gf’s partner she does notice it

29. How would they describe their own personality?

Easygoing, bit too easy to rile up

Nondescript, calm, shy

30. When frightened, will they resort to “fight” or “flight”?

Fight at the slightest sign of trouble

Flight

31. Does this character ever put somebody else’s needs before their own? Who do they do this for? How often do they do this?

On jobs he does keep an eye on his comrades and keeps them safe like he expects them to look after him, otherwise he does look after his old father when he asks him to and they’re on speaking terms for the time being

Daughter comes first, also when Shyn was pregnant Marcy would make sure she was as comfortable as possible

32. What is their self esteem like?

It fluctuates, goes from him being the best on earth to really hating his own reflection. Depends on what’s been happening recently.

Not the best, dysphoria is a big thing - but it’s generally positive. She works with what she has

33. What is their biggest fear? How would they react to having to face it?

He wouldn’t be able to cope in a restricted environment such as being in jail, that was a possibility with how he acted on the Citadel side and he just went back to where he could do what he wanted

Kid being in any kind of danger, if that’s the case that kid would be put in the care of either her parents or Shyn’s family

34. How easily do they trust others with their secrets? With their lives?

Not easily, plays his cards pretty close to his chest. Nor does he have much secrets, mind you. At work he trusts his comrades have his back but mainly also looks after himself.

Being good friends will let you in on her secrets, good enough and life too.

35. What is the easiest way to annoy them?

Touch him or his stuff without permission, get in his space, insults, be noisy

Getting too close and touchy-feely, insults

36. What is their sense of humor like? Give an example of a joke they would find humorous.

His sense of humor is a bit crude and dark, amputee jokes are a hoot

More of a memey kind of jokester, TV show jokes too

37. How easy is it for them to say “I love you”? Do they say it without meaning it?

Can’t remember the last time he said it, doesn’t come easily, not a part of his vocabulary in general

If she loves you she will say it, and she will mean it

38. What do others admire most about their personality?

Easy to chill out with, it’s not awkward even if you don’t know each other

A very calming and reliable presence

39. What does their happily ever after look like?

Doesn’t really know - very much lives in the present. Expects to die on a mission sometime soonish (though with his much he’s been battered already he’d just get more metal into him)

Still has her gf and their kid, more comfortable in her body

40. Who do they trust most? Is that trust mutual?

Probably if you ask he’d name a Citadel bounty hunter because those kids make honour a hobby apparently. He was trustworthy in a sense that he did the mission, he looked after his comrades, but he didn’t care about material damage he caused and the bounties were captured dead half the time

Willow or Shyn, they trust her right back

Misc.

81. Are they bothered by the sight of blood?

Not at all

A bloody nose or something like that won’t be a bother, but injury can make her a lil queasy

82. What is their handwriting like?

Quick, capital letters, scratchy, well legible (unless he’s drunk). He’s used to writing important things in his notebook so it’s useful to keep it easy to read

Kinda small and loopy, easy enough to read

83. Can they swim? How well? Do they like to swim?

He can, hasn’t in a long time, not super good in it and it’s not his favorite thing. Thankfully his leg or arm don’t weigh him down at least

She can’t, her homeland doesn’t have water and she never learned

84. Which deadly sin do they represent best?

Probably greed, the impulsiveness shows

Perhaps envy, would be nice to be in lingerie too but body looks too bad

85. Do they believe in ghosts?

Not entirely sure bc he’s seen some shit when high

Not really

86. How do they celebrate holidays? How do they celebrate birthdays?

Celebrates by getting shitfaced, forgets birthday

Very lowkey celebrations before, but after Mint came around she would teach her their culture through holidays. Birthdays are for getting drinks and cake and maybe a gift.

87. What is something they regret?

Thinks abt how he treated and left his husband and wonders what the fuck is wrong with him to act like that

Sometimes regrets leaving her homeland

88. Do they have an accent?

Outer Rim born and raised, so that’s the accent he has

Saborian

89. What is their D&D alignment?

Chaotic neutral maybe...?

Neutral good....?

90. Are they right or left handed?

Right, ambidextrous with weapons though

Favors right but can operate with left

91. If they were a tweet, what tweet would they be?

92. Describe them as a John Mulaney gif.

[fizzingwizard]

WOW this show is not pulling its punches! :O holy granola

I honestly don’t know what to think... at this rate original Adventure would be over already x’D

anyway ep 2 thoughts under the cut!

We left off with the end of the world! Already! We pick up with the somewhat low key first meeting of Taichi and Yamato. I’ll admit, I was expecting a bit more drama between them, but Yamato seems reserved, but mostly chill. He doesn’t let Taichi’s over-eagerness push his buttons. I suppose it helps Takeru’s not involved.

I like how he’s got his arms spread as if he’s gonna stop Garurumon somehow. Even with a giant dino backing you up, you just look silly!

First of all, Garurumon can JUMP. If I don’t see him jump over a building in the human world, I will be Disappoint.

So Greymon and Garurumon know each other. This is completely glossed over, btw! Looking forward to finding out what it means. They also sound not only like they know each other, but like something happened where they possibly could have died, and they didn’t know till now that they both survived. WHAT HAPPENED I HAVE TO KNOW.

Gawd, Taichi, RUDE much?? lol

Taichi takes out his digivice to reveal his POCKET KOUSHIROU. POCKET KOUSHIROU, EVERYONE. I CANNOT COPE

Taichi immediately introduces everyone and tries to make friends. That goes over as well as might be expected.

Yamato: “Ugh not this FRIENDS stuff again, this always leads to me crying and looking uncool, I hate looking uncool!”

I think the primary reason Yamato goes along with Taichi in the end is because Koushirou is freaking useful. He’s got all the info on the missiles which are apparently about to be launched from an American submarine. And apparently Koushirou speaks English fluently too. Behold:

It’s not that I’m surprised, it’s just WHEN DID HE HAVE TIME between becoming a computer genius and making friends with all these experts AT TEN YEARS OLD? How has this kid not been snapped up by some college?? I guess that sort of thing isn’t super common in Japan but STILL.

Yamato may be impressed, but he’s still Yamato:

Koushirou: “Uh... well, technically... yes, but... it’s just a matter of perspective, you see... classified, unclassified... i-it’s all semantics, really...”

The reason Taichi and Koushirou are besties (well, will be) and not Yamato and Koushirou is clear. Taichi doesn’t even care. Classified? Potential hacking going on? Who cares?? It’s cool!

So cool that he calls Koushirou “awesome” two MORE times in the space of like a minute.

HE LOOKS SO PROUD OF HIS POCKET KOUSHIROU

... idk man I can’t get over it what the heck is this. Taichi sitting on Greymon holding teeny hologram Kosuhirou in his hand like he’s his magic familiar. Omg.

Yamato: “Get a room you two”

Taichi: “A room? For what? Karaoke?”

Yamato: “sure thats totally what i meant”

Koushirou: *garbled sputtering*

The purpose of this line is to establish that shy though he may be, Koushirou is a level higher than Yamato in terms of *desire* to make friends and be social. Yamato’s like “Izumi” and Koushirou’s like “Uh Izumi is my dad...”

Taichi comes on as strong as you’d expect, but like I said earlier, Yamato doesn’t rise to the bait the way I thought he would. I kind of expect Taichi’s exuberance will wear him down in the future, though. In this ep, having Koushirou’s brains and Taichi’s extra fire power around is useful enough that Yamato tolerates it, albeit reluctantly.

They go off to fight the baddie of the day.

Holy guacamole, Greymon can jump too. Though he lacks Garurumon’s grace and ummm ability to land.

EPISODE TWO, HE’S AT IT AGAIN. PLEASE LET THIS BE A REGULAR THING.

There’s not nearly enough Koushirou in this ep for me, but what we do get is pretty good stuff. Besides, we can tell from the various graphs and squiggles on his computer screen that he’s doing Important Work.

Taichi and Yamato start to fight. Yamato clearly knows what he’s doing. Taichi is impressed, but not intimidated. A bit annoyed that Yamato’s not more communicative though. All things considered, they’re getting on ASTONISHINGLY well.

I mean, they’re already fusing together. xD

THE BIG BAD GOES AHEAD AND EVOLVES...

... into a hay stack. Digimon, man.

Side note: The music in this show is pretty cool so far. I love the creepy vibe with the viruses. Can’t be as complimentary to the art as I was before, but I am still digging the facial expressions and body language. Even when the art’s rushed, they get a lot more in than the old show did.

Yamato gets electrocuted! :o oh noez!

Greymon: “Don’t worry I gotcha!”

Greymon: “OOF I don’t gotcha...”

THEY BOUNCE LIKE SKIPPING STONES.

So, if this were an ep of Adventure, I’d expect them to evolve to the next level at this point. Except this is episode two. Getting to the next level should be hard... right?

More on that later.

Taichi gets a moment where we can see why he makes a good leader, when push comes to shove. He already figured out that Yamato Knows Stuff, even though Yamato won’t talk to him. Rather than feel intimidated (or jealous), he wants to pool their talents. Koushirou’s the research guy, but Yamato knows the turf. Taichi’s able to understand how valuable that is, so he won’t stop asking questions no matter how much he’s rebuffed. And Yamato’s not stupid. He may not want to talk to Taichi, but he wants to lose even less.

But while on the one hand we get a glimpse of Taichi’s ability to bring out his teammate’s strengths and utilize them in a strategy, we also get a peek at Yamato’s comparative caution and reluctance to take on danger if it’s not necessary. Yamato’s reason for not immediately telling Taichi “the way” is he’s concerned about the effect it’ll have on their partners. Something Taichi is not always great at taking into consideration when he’s hyped up. Koushirou’s not great at it either, for that matter. Which is why Yamato is so important: he’s brave and willing, but he doesn’t get so set on an idea without figuring out how it will affect those around him. It’s not that Taichi is insensitive, he’s just quite goal-oriented, and this is something he very much learns from Yamato as well as the others in the original Adventure.

THE TEAM IS ALL COMING TOGETHER MAN. I’M CRY.

More in part 2!!

[sometimesrosy]

(1) Thank you for the gif(t)s of Misters Elba & Morley. I could always use a little more of them in my life ;) Sorry for the last rant but I’m perplexed by those regarding Bellarke as a six season platonic friendship possibly to turn romantic in the last stretch or not at all. And “turn” is generous since some prefer to use “forced” instead. I suppose it can technically be true but only in the strictest, most surface-level sense. It’s been a long time since I’ve thought of Bellarke as NOT part

(2) of a romantic narrative. I look back and see Bellarke as a three-sided dynamic- partnership, friendship, and romance, with each side of the triangle pushing and influencing the others and each season deepening the dynamic. Even season 1 had elements of all three. I’d say progression is the most accurate term to describe their story. Strangers of different hierarchical classes to political rivals to co-leaders to friends to lovers separated by trauma, politics, death, time, other partners to

(3) future couple. Not a single step exists in a vacuum. Their relationship and individual character development are pieces fit to form a complete puzzle over time. Or as I’ve come to see, a seamless 100-episode tale with interconnected threads from start to finish. The only right way to decipher meaning is to look beyond a collection of scenes to the full picture of what we have so far. All stories are chronicles of progression from one point to the next and romance plots are no exception. JR

(4) didn’t invent some newfangled revolutionary storytelling protocol. His story just requires us to look beneath the surface and connect the dots across a seven season sequence. By 6x10, there are no layers needed to be looked under. The romance is smack dab in the middle of the room for all to witness, figuratively and literally. Even the nonshippers can see it, it’s not exclusive to the trained eye of the romance lover. I thought I signed up for a great story years ago. But I never would’ve

(5) known HOW great it was without the thought-provoking, deep-dive analyses by you, jeanie205 and the 3rd in the triumvirate of fandom heroes, travllingbunny, the kind of insights that bring an accompanying joy to the show itself and leave one stupefied in awe. Thank you all, truly. I don’t have sure plans to watch the prequel yet but if the 3 of you will, it may just tip the scales for me into the affirmative. It’d be fun to geek out with you guys on a new-ish adventure from the start.

+++

I got chills when you said, 

Not a single step exists in a vacuum. Their relationship and individual character development are pieces fit to form a complete puzzle over time. Or as I’ve come to see, a seamless 100-episode tale with interconnected threads from start to finish.

That was the most unexpected thing about this show. That it wasn’t just another fun show with hot people in the apocalypse with shocking twists dealing with complex questions-- which would be good enough, you know? Lots of fun. No, it was more. I did NOT figure out that it was a novelistic show until we got to season 3 and even then I didn’t understand how LONG TERM a novel was being told here. Not a novel, more like a series. A novel would be season long, but the narratives here have lasted for 7 seasons. 

It is seamless. Subplots weaving in and out of the 7 seasons. Character arcs taking the whole series to complete. That actually really confused me in season 3, because I expected both Clarke and Bellamy to finish their hero’s journeys in that season, and instead, there I was, feeling like it was unfinished because they HADN’T returned from their journeys wiser and stronger, ready to change their worlds. Nope. They were still struggling and learning. 

Just because I SAW the hero’s journeys in season 3 (a little late, mind you, since they started in s1 in the ‘hot people in the apocalypse’ phase,) doesn’t mean THAT was the entirety of the hero’s journey. It actually stands to reason that if they’re on a hero’s journey, that it’s a whole series long journey. Oooh. But then this hiatus, someone was like... are you sure Clarke isn’t on a HEROINE’S journey? And I, not really being an expert on the heroine’s journey and only seeing the hero’s part of it (which is like the first half of the heroine’s journey?) had to go research it and LO AND BEHOLD, her journey was the HEROINE’S journey, which TOTALLY fits with the dual protagonist, yin/yang, dark/light, head/heart, binary stars, feminist, mythic, epic love story of it all. NOW it all makes sense, why I couldn’t understand that her hero’s journey hadn’t finished yet (because it shifted into the more unexpected heroine’s journey.)

It always frustrates me when people say I can’t admit I’m wrong and am delusional about bellarke, because I have continually adjusted my theories as the story has gone on, changing them when something is off and doesn’t match canon and THAT’S why my theories are still holding up, which they are. Because I keep checking them back against canon. And when canon confirms the theories I have, I keep using them. When canon josses my theories and headcanons, I adjust. I ask myself, okay where did I go wrong? what is he really saying here? I’ve been struggling, particularly with Raven and Murphy’s roles in the show, and talked to various people about them, because I couldn’t grab ahold of them. With shipping, particularly, things can get confused. I’m wondering if Raven’s love story is not for another person at all, what if it’s self love? Because her most consistent relationships have actually been with familial relationships. Clarke as sister. Bellamy as big brother. Abby as mom. Sinclair as dad. While the romances have failed her. (whether they intended to start out this way or not idk, since all the actors who played her love interests asked to leave or were fired.) And I’m wondering if Murphy’s main love story is actually a spiritual love story. His romance with Emori is a good one, but here he is now wondering about immortality and morality, and he’s always been concerned with that just not secure enough to have answers. Maybe spirituality is his route to finding peace within his soul and coping with his mental illness and trauma? IDK. ANYWAY

I don’t think this show is flawless, and maybe they’ve had to franken-stitch some of their plotlines together to fit when things didn’t work out, and maybe some of their subplots ended in a way that didn’t satisfy us because we wanted something BETTER for those characters even though the tragic ending was part of the larger narrative, but I agree that it is seamless, one leading to the other to the next. When I look back at the storylines I didn’t understand or didn’t like as much, I can see how they fit with the larger narrative. How they lead to the ending the whole show is heading towards.

It’s actually very exciting. It’s not a new way to tell stories, it’s an old one, but it’s not one we see on tv very often, with its ratings and early cancellations and dependence on seasonal !POW! endings to keep people watching, and it’s impatience with slow story telling. They COMMITTED to a long term story despite the risk, and that must have been really hard with the pressures from hollywood and the money people and fandom and reviewers and even the cast. it’s remarkable and I can’t wait to see how it’s wrapped up. No matter what the endings are for our fave characters, I think it will be fascinating to see. And being able to watch the whole show, knowing how it ends, and that it was all crafted to be that way, is going to be really cool. It’s impressive, actually. I think the future will actually be much kinder to this show than the present is. Watching it week to week, you can’t see the development so much, but when we get the whole thing, everyone will be able to see it. I think this series is going to count as a future classic. 

It’s like the reverse of GOT. We expected GOT to be novelistic, based on the epic ASOIAF novels as it was, we expected it to have a grand structure that pulled everything together and gave it a bigger meaning, and in the end, it was trash shlock with no meaning past boobies, action, trauma porn, and dragons. HOWEVER, The 100 was thought to be some trash teen scifi soap with no meaning but hooking up, action, trauma porn and apocalypses, and it’s ending up being an epic novelistic series with a grand structure that pulls everything together and gives it meaning. Basically, if JR had been hired by HBO to do GOT, he would have done it right. But D&D were hollywood hacks and flim flam men who only know how to do surface and don’t understand story. (and are also racist and misogynistic bullies.)

ANYWAY, nonny. Do you have a blog? You should be writing this stuff down under your own name. If you send it to me on anon because you don’t have your own blog, you should think about it. I’m pretty sure that @jeanie205 and @travllingbunny would agree with me. I have limited what meta I reblog due to past experiences, but I think other people would like to follow you.