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ihavethedreamies · 30 days

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From Afar | What the Heart Wants (1)

Qian Kun & Nakamoto Yuta (NCT)

Rating: Suggestive (18+) MDNI

Nothing explicitly is said or done, but sexual interactions are implied.

The beginning of this story has the reader underaged, but nothing happens or is implied to happen before she turns 18.

Word Count: ~14.2k

Pairing(s): Kun x AFAB!Reader x Yuta, the primary pairing is Kun x Reader, but it's kinda both for the first part.

Genre: Reader-Insert, Altered History AU!, Royalty AU!, Plot! (wow), Fluff? (not for sure that's what to call this), not quite smut (yet), Angst (but angry)

!!There are mature themes discussed…if that much isn't clear you should probably leave now!! MDNI!

Warnings: She/Her pronouns used, Arranged Marriage (ish), Harems/Multiple Wives (more fiancées…), Bullying (see Caution), Some Swearing, Borderline Misogyny/Sexism (you'll see, not from the boys, just like…society), Favoritism, Love Triangle, Jealousy, Pining, One-Sided Crush/Infatuation (or is it?)

Caution: This story is a bit darker than my normal stuff. There isn't bullying throughout, just one intense scene. It's not in a school setting, but I do want to warn anyone reading this that it could be triggering. I'll be real and admit that there is definitely toxicity here, and I know that's what it is, I try to be realistic with my stuff. There is also a part where the reader has a severe allergic reaction, so if that is something that is hard for you to read, be aware. Please let me know if you think I need to add in any more specific warnings or cautions.

Author's Note: This is based off of a dream I had while I took a nap a bit back. I changed some details because what happened in the dream was a little too unrealistic. But, most of it is pretty much the same. I have a lot of Kun dreams, but most of them I can't write a story with because there are weird cross-overs with my real life and often the video game Mass Effect (lol), so…

P.S. Kun is my Ultimate Bias and so…I held back for so long of going down the rabbit hole because I knew I wouldn't be able to crawl out once I did. I am working on another much longer series so that's why I don't have much posted for him yet since I want to get it mostly done before I post any of it.

P.S.S. The reader has a bad allergy to coconut, which is one I have. So, it might seem a bit extreme with her reaction to it, but I know from personal experience how bad I can be with it. I haven't had the same thing happen though.

I split this into two different parts because I hate reading a long story, and then the app or page somehow gets closed, and then you have to scroll to find your spot… The second part is just smut, literally just the smut part, but it was so long I needed to separate the two parts.

Part 2: Up Close (Smut)

I am cross-posting this on Archive. Please reblog! If you know anyone that would like this or future fics but they aren't on here my name and icon are exactly the same on the other site. Happy reading!

Your life seemed to end before it really began. Things like harems for royalty and royalty itself should be in history books and old stories, not modern times. Yet here you were. Historians often talk about how much different the eastern world might look had Japan been successful in taking Korea nearly 100 years prior. Would they have ruled East Asia rather than the Korean Monarchy? Would China be its own country still? Siam? All you knew is that if World War II had gone much differently, you wouldn't be in the situation you were.

In order to keep the commoners and everyday folks of each country of the Korean Empire in line, the Emperor would marry a noblewoman from each land, therefore forming his Harem. When he was a prince, he had his little group of girls that followed him around and did everything with him, almost like some kind of harem anime or even American dating show. One would be picked to be his 'main wife' and the rest were concubines. That's what you were. Well, almost. You were 'in training' to be a possible concubine or wife. The king had five wives, and a son with each woman. The eldest was Taeyong, from the king's first Korean wife; then Prince Yuta, whose mother was Japanese; third born was Prince Kun, from a Chinese mother; second youngest was Prince Ten with a Siamese mother. His birthname was not used very often since most people didn't know how to pronounce it, and finally the youngest Prince was Prince Doyoung. His mother was Korean as well and since he was the youngest, he had the least responsibilities. Not necessarily in a bad way, but he was quite lazy and didn't go out very often. Each prince had a symbol that then was used to name his girls. Taeyong's was a rose and so his girls were The Petals. Yuta's was the Cherry Tree, so his girls were The Sakura. Kun's was a Bear, and his girls were The Ursas. Ten's symbol was a cat and his girls, The Tabbies. Finally, Doyoung's symbol was a rabbit, so his girls were The Bunnies. The name he chose somewhat showed how little he cared for formality. It was too much effort, and he was actually considered the best prince to follow. None of the princes were bad, though, it was simply that Doyoung was the least strict, and there were less rules overall. Taeyong's group was the most prestigious since he was the Crown Prince, and so it was hard to stay in The Petals.

Many different things could make a girl leave or get kicked out. It was pretty easy to get kicked out actually, but most of the time it was by the other girls. Jealousy and competition were rampant, but if sabotage or cheating was ever even just suspected, you were out. Each prince got their initial set at the age of eighteen, and the girls would be at the most two years younger, never older. So, when Prince Yuta hit the proper age, they sent out the search committee. Your father had told you as a little girl that he would never, no matter how much money was offered, let you go. Unfortunately, he didn't get to make the decision because he passed two years prior. Your mother couldn't manage the family estate and business well either, so she remarried, and of course your stepfather was more than willing to hand you over. You never learned how much he was paid, but you knew, to him, it was more than you were worth.

There were always five girls, two from Korea and one from China, Japan, and Siam as well. When you were escorted to the royal palace, you looked up at the tall arch allowing entry onto the grounds. Due to historical preservation laws, no one actively lived in the palace, but there was a modern campus built for the royal family. The guards let the fancy black car you were being escorted in through and it continued down the road past the elegantly preserved palace. Finally, after nearly five minutes of driving, the vehicle stopped in front of what appeared to be an extremely fancy hotel. You were told the main estate was further into the campus and was where the King and Queen lived with the Concubines. Where you were to live was where the princes and all of their entourages lived. Shakily, you got out of the car when it came to a stop, the heels of your black Mary Jane's clicking on the stone pavement. Your suitcases were removed from the trunk, and they went off to your room as you were led down the opposite hallway. Looking around at your surroundings, the building felt less like a royal residence and more of a luxury apartment building, there were even a few restaurants. Finally, after a long walk in very uncomfortable shoes, you were told to enter a large ballroom and you stood in line with what seemed to be twenty other girls. That was a surprise, you thought for sure you had already been chosen. While you wanted to pray you wouldn't be chosen, you also feared being sent back to your stepfather. Your soft yellow and white dress was probably just as expensive as the other girls’ but seemed much plainer. Standing straight, trying to remember your etiquette training, the line of girls all did the same, stiffening when a door on the other side of the ball room entered. At least, you thought it was a ballroom. There was a stage on the opposite wall and that was it. No tables or chairs, nothing. You felt the girls to your left and right turn their heads to try and see who entered, but you just stared ahead. The three people that entered stopped in the middle of the room, a bit to your left since you were toward the end of the line. The other girls were whispering, and curiosity took over and your eyes flicked to look at them. It was a servant, most likely since he was in a butler's outfit, a man in a business suit, and who you assumed to be the prince. He was beautiful, and that was an objective fact. His dark brown hair was longer, hitting his shoulders and he had it tied back into a half-ponytail. He was not dressed like a prince really; he had on a black T-shirt or tank top with a soft-looking grey sweater over it. He was in jeans and sneakers, and you looked down at your dress, then at the others. You were sixteen, but you felt like a little girl then, with your high-collared, long-sleeved white button-up with a yellow sundress over top. Though, it seemed he preferred casual, and you were the closest to that. His stance was casual as well, arms behind his back, leaning his weight on one leg as he lightly swayed, looking over the line of girls. The servant cleared his throat, and it was like some kind of primal instinct took over, and you placed your hands together over your stomach, and bowed low. No one else did. Panic set in when you realized this, hearing the other girls whispering. Now too nervous to stand back up, you pressed your lips together, but stayed bowed.

"It seems she was the only one raised correctly." A new voice, a woman's, cut in and you heard another person walk in. The woman stopped in front of you, and you only saw the bottom of her dress and shoes, she was dressed in the traditional dark green and blue hanbok.

"You may look up, dear." She prompted and you straightened, looking up slightly at the much older woman. Her hair was graying at the roots, but she was still quite beautiful. Her hair was tied back in a bun with a simple wooden pin and you swallowed under her sharp gaze.

"Prince Yuta, please come here." Her tone changed, and she bowed, stepping to the side and you froze as he left his original position and strode over to you. He stopped before you and you dropped your gaze. Don't look at his face. That was clearly something no one else learned and you were a bit worried about that, though, his handmaiden seemed pleased with you. Didn't mean he would be.

"How old are you?" His voice was soft, deeper than you thought it would be.

"Sixteen, your highness." Your hands still rested over each other, flat against your stomach and you tried not to flinch when his finger went to your chin. He lifted your head, but your eyes stayed down, no matter how badly you wanted to look at his face better.

"Look at me." He prompted and you obeyed. He was even more attractive up close, more handsome than you thought, still pretty. He tipped his head and a similarly pretty smile spread on his face.

"Her."

After that, you were quickly whisked away.

"What will happen with the other girls?" You asked the maid that was taking your measurements after you reached some sort of dressing room.

"He will pick the other nine and you will begin training." The same older woman from before entered then and you nodded jerkily, trying to process everything.

"Training?"

"It seems you have begun on etiquette already, unlike the other girls. That will help. Ten girls will start and after your four years the final five will graduate up. You will all learn everything you need to, to be a good woman of the royal family and possibly a future princess."

"I see." The same maid began holding up different swatches of fabric next to your face, flipping through different colors. Seemingly making a decision, the maid nodded to the head handmaiden, and you stepped off the small pedestal you had been set on.

"Let us go child, I will escort you to the dormitory."

~*~*~

Over the next four years, as you were told, you trained. Ten girls all lived in a four-bedroom apartment, three in two, and two in two. It was miserable. You really didn't mind the training and tutoring itself, it was the clique-like mentality the girls had even within the dorm. Let alone in the other training groups. You felt like an outlier the whole time but staying quiet and laying low helped. You yourself were not bullied, but you weren't friends with the other girls either. Not in any of the groups. Prince Taeyong's girls were a few months ahead of your group and the other three were not even a year younger. The eldest prince was only about four months older than Yuta, and he was only a month, maybe two, older than Kun. The youngest were each a month after. It seemed the King had gotten to work quickly…

For the first year you almost never saw any of the princes, not even Yuta. It seemed the first year was really used to weed out girls, and that was when some of the original twenty made a return. If one of the ten got kicked out or left, they replaced her. That was not what you expected at all, but it seemed you were relatively safe. You only got one demerit over the first year, and it was minor. The rules were strict and after your first dink you never messed up again. What did you mess up? You forgot to put in your earrings before the morning check.

After the second year, you would have more interactions with Prince Yuta, and sometimes the others. That was when you first met the third-born Prince. Kun. Your eyes widened when you saw him, it was like some kind of rose-colored filter hung around him. He was…perfect. You weren't sure exactly what drew you to him so heavily, but it was nearly backbreaking, the weight of your crush. It didn't help that your infatuation was with the completely wrong prince. Most of the girls were good at staying loyal to their boy, and if they weren't, that was grounds for expulsion. It was your first true hinderance and possible snare. The only one, really. Luckily, he wasn't around too often in the second year. For no reason, really, you hated the girls in his group. They were so incredibly fortunate in your eyes and didn't realize how much so. Was Yuta bad? Not in any way, shape or form. He was extremely sweet and kind, generous…but he wasn't Kun. To you, that was his greatest sin. Your obsession was a bit worrying, honestly. Though the girls were given a therapist they could talk with, she was there for things like homesickness and anxiety. Not near yandere-levels of love for a Prince not their own. Okay…it wasn't that bad, but you feared that if your mind ever got too weak, if you broke, it would be that bad. When third year rolled around… It got so much worse. The princes did a lot of things together and if a girl made it to year three, then she got to as well. On the new year of year three, the girls remaining were the final ones. One could leave, but she wouldn't be replaced. So, what most often happened, is the gaggle of fifty girls would each take turns with which five would go on an outing with their prince. What killed you about those, was when you were picked, and Kun would be there. It was hard to keep your wistful stares off of him and you prayed he would stick near Yuta for as long as possible, so you could look at him all the more. He was what most considered to be the handsome one among the half-brothers. Taeyong was what the girls defined as cute-hot. Could be either. Yuta was handsome-pretty, Ten was just pretty and Doyoung was just cute. Kun was handsome to the rest, but to you he was also the cutest, prettiest, and hottest. He was by no means buff, but he was able to build the most muscle tone out of all of them and you couldn't help but stare when his pants were just the right amount of tight around his thighs. When you finally got close enough to really look at him the first time, you cataloged every little feature you could. Especially the beauty mark under his right eyebrow.

~*~*~

You were truly a goner when you attended a causal tennis game the princes were engaging in. Doyoung sat off the side with his girls, and they were literally playing some kind of board or card game instead. You sat with the four other Sakuras on a bench, not even watching the tennis ball fly between Yuta and Taeyong's rackets. You were staring off into the distance, messing with a stray string at the top of your knee-high socks. If the head handmaid saw it… Wrapping your finger around it tight, you yanked to try and pull it away, the elastic tightening with each tug. You were so preoccupied with your sock that you didn't even hear the warning call, but something thunked against the back of your head. You yelped, falling forward off the bench, managing to catch yourself with your hands, but you scraped your knees up badly on the court-floor.

"Hiyomi!" Yuta immediately called and was at your side. You weren't even sure if you would have known he was calling you if he had said your real name. You hadn't heard it in such a long time.

"Good job!" Ten shouted sarcastically and you heard another come to your side.

"Hey, you okay?" Yuta helped you sit up a bit, letting your rest your forehead on his shoulder as he looked at the back of your head.

"I'm so sorry, Hiyomi." Your body froze when the other person's voice seemed to speak right in your ear and another hand rested on your upper back.

"Does it hurt there?" You hadn't even realized Yuta had pressed on your neck at the base of your head. He must have taken your sudden rigidity as a pain response. Carefully, slightly, you turned your head so you could glance out of the side of your eye, through your hair, at a red shirt. Only one of the princes was in a red shirt that day. You were sure your face turned about that same shade when you realized the other boy so close to you was Kun, and that the hand on your back was his.

"Hiyomi?" Yuta prompted again and you flinched back to reality.

"Uh, no." Your own hand came up to run over your head, wincing as you felt the small bump forming under your hair. The hand left your back and you felt Yuta move your hair so he could see where you pressed. You gasped when Kun's hand came back, his fingers gently running over the bump.

"She should probably go to the infirmary." The younger prince decided, and Yuta hummed in agreement.

"I'm so sorry, Hiyomi." He apologized again, and even though it was your alias, hearing him speak your name twisted your insides around.

"I-It's okay." You were too scared to lift your head as Yuta helped you stand, knowing that if you met Kun's gaze then you would fall back to your knees.

"Come on, sweetheart." Yuta wrapped an arm around you so he could lead you toward the building and you felt the glares of your team boring through you. It was evident even before then that Yuta favored you, and it made the girls mad. You never made more of an effort to woo him like they did, you just lived your life naturally, and that seemed to be what appealed to him.

"I guess the nurse isn't here right now." Yuta had helped you sit on the edge of one of the two cot-like beds and then he kneeled in front of you.

"Do you mind if help with your knees?" He had noticed the scrapes, and you shook your head with a hum, and he left to get the first aid kit. It was then you really felt the pain in your head, but you hadn't even seen stars, so you doubted you had a concussion. The tennis ball hadn't been going that hard, it had bounced on the court before it hit you, slowing it down pretty good. When the prince came back, he cleaned the scrapes and you winced at the sting. He was so gentle and put ointment on as well before the band-aids. As his thumb smoothed over the bandage, he opened his mouth to say something, but the nurse decided to return right then. He went back out to the tennis court as she looked you over and she suggested you rest for a bit, there was no concussion evident, but you did still get hit in the head.

You had managed to drift half-way to sleep, and you somewhat registered hearing the nurse step out, and someone not too long after coming in. It was a different person for sure, they weren't in heels, and you wondered if it was the head handmaid. Flittering your eyes open when you felt them move to your bedside, you jerked in shock.

"Sorry, did I wake you up?" You tried not to panic, eyes falling quickly to the white logo on his red shirt. You were allowed at that point to look at Yuta's face, but you weren't sure about the other princes. Plus, if you did, you might just explode.

"N-No." You shook your head against the pillow and shuffled under the light blanket. Fuck. You tried not to wince when he kneeled down so he could meet your gaze. He smiled. You were done for.

"Sorry, I really didn't mean to let the ball hit you. I tried to go after it, but I'm not very fast." Kun huffed bashfully and you just gaped. Speak! Say something, stupid!

"I-It's okay."

"Can you tell Yuta you're not mad at me? He looked like he wanted to kill me." You knew the look. Yuta was definitely the scariest of the brothers.

"Y-yes." He sighed in relief at that and stood back up.

"I should probably go before you get in trouble for me being in here." He huffed in annoyance and then waved as he left the little infirmary. You were truly and royally, ironically, screwed.

~*~*~

Of course, it got worse through the third and into the fourth year. All the teams had been narrowed down to the final five, the girls that were weeded out were essentially turned into the reserve team. You didn't know what that meant until after you graduated. And you did. You were in the final five for The Sakuras, the little junior harem of Prince Yuta. You were also the forerunner, the informal leader despite being the youngest, but you were the least popular. Out of all twenty-five girls, they all either hated you or didn't care to acknowledge your presence. To them you put in very little effort to get to your rank, well, how you ranked to Yuta. In actuality, you put in the most effort, and had no demerits and never had to make up in any of your training. All of the other maknaes, the youngest, were the favorites of the other girls. Not you. You didn't fit the cutesy, sweet image you were supposed to it seemed. The graduation wasn't going to be until April. Because the princes were so close in age, they decided to just do everyone at the same time, and that just made the internal competition even worse. Though, your favor with the head handmaiden granted you a privilege. Early information. You knew things before anyone else, you were warned. That's how you saw it anyway. It seemed that there would be another year of training after graduation. Everyone was of age by then, which meant the sexual teachings started. It had to wait till you were finally assigned to your prince, since he would head your 'studies'. You were to learn what he liked, how he liked it and so on. It was a rumor by that point, and many girls were unbothered by this. It made sense and they were okay with it since they would be future wives anyway, and some were even looking forward to it. You didn't hate Yuta, not anything close. You did like him, but… You decided then that you had to give up on the younger Prince. You were Yuta's, and that was final. You also learned that the girls that fell through the cracks more or less joined a brothel, modern day gisaeng for the princes and their friends. Not only did the girls graduate in April, so did the princes. And that meant everything changed. You wouldn't say that they turned into scoundrels, but finally they were more-or-less unrestrained, so they let loose. Parties. Drinking. Sex. Lots of it. You never asked about the other princes, not wanting to learn that your beloved prince had fallen into debauchery as well. Their personalities hadn't changed, they weren't abusive or even rude, but they turned into animals. You heard that Ten and his friends had full orgies with his girls and the extras. You knew when Johnny showed up that something utterly filthy was about to go down.

Taeyong seemed to be more restrained, but he was somewhat selfish. He didn't want to share his Petals, but that didn't mean that it wasn't just as naughty what happened in his quarters. Doyoung preferred more low-key engagements, but just because there was only one girl in his bed didn't mean they weren't going at it for hours on end. The only first-hand knowledge you had was with Yuta. Obviously. Honestly, you seemed to be corrupted more and quicker than the other girls. It was one of the few times you felt like you could be yourself, not constantly worried about doing and saying the right things. It was a good outlet as well for all the emotions you pushed down and hid. You were open to most things, mostly because Yuta was by no means selfish. You preferred the more carnal and kinky acts honestly; you weren’t sure you could ‘make love’ to him. The only thing that first gave you pause was when he asked if you would be okay with two of his friends joining. No other girls, just the three guys and you. It was a bit scary at first, and you wondered if your future husband had some sort of fetish, but his reasoning shocked you.

"You let me do whatever I want, Hiyomi. I want to spoil you." He spoke between kisses along your neck, your shoulder exposed from where his shirt had fallen over it. Yuta wasn't that big for a man, but he was bigger than you, his clothes baggy on your body. If you asked him, he probably would be okay with just one wife. And it would be you. You wished it wasn't though. Even with the comparatively few interactions you had over the years with Kun, you had hopelessly fallen for him, and you were content to pine after him in the distance for the rest of your life. That was better than nothing at all.

"W-which friends?" You shivered as his fingers ran over your back under the garment you had on, one finger slipping under the waist band of your lacey panties.

"Jungwoo. Mark?" His arms wrapped around you and pulled you down further into his lap, his hard cock straining against his pants. It seemed the thought alone turned him on. Those two? That was fine. Most of the princes' friends were shared, but Yuta was the closest with the two he offered. It made sense. It was odd at first to think about it, but if you weren’t sleeping with Yuta out of love, then it wouldn’t be too much different with them. And, based off what you knew the other girls did, it was actually relatively mild.

"You don't have to, sweetheart." Yuta nuzzled under your ear, and you sighed.

"That’s fine." It became a somewhat regular occurrence. And, as far as you knew, the other girls were not in a similar arrangement. But they knew, or at least, knew parts. This made them hate you more, they saw it as favor. It was one thing for a prince to indulge himself in three women, it was another for one woman to get ravished by a prince and his two friends. That was the ultimate sign of favor, you were good enough to not just get solo access to Yuta whenever but get the same treatment from his two just-as-attractive friends. The other girls knew, but they didn’t realize it was a common thing, just once in a blue moon. You didn't talk about it, because you knew how the others would be with it, and it honestly made you want Kun more. Somehow. Even with three men only wanting to please you, you wanted more… Not more, just someone else.

~*~*~

You had a close call though, you almost got found out. There was some big event that the princes were having, some formal party. It wasn't a drunken orgy or anything, almost like some kind of game night with all their friends. All of the girls went as well, it was supposed to be childish fun. You hated it. Not minding cuddling up with Yuta, you hated doing it with all the girls glaring at you. Mostly the other four in your group, because it made his favor toward you all the more obvious. You managed to get through the night, taking the chance to watch Kun without restraint when they decided to start some karaoke. He was the second-best singer after Doyoung, but none of the brothers were slouches. Some of their friends were pretty good themselves, could have been their jobs. It wasn't you ogling him while he sang that gave you away though. And, either fortunately, or horribly, Kun was the one that noticed. The guys were all taking random pictures together, and you stood at the side watching, honestly enjoying the random things they were doing. At some point Kun ended up sitting on the floor, holding up his closest friend, Chenle, so he didn't fall off of Jeno's back where he stood. You covered your mouth and giggled, eyes flicking to Kun as they tried to hold the pose for the picture. His eyes flashed to meet yours and you felt yours grow wide. He smiled, straight at you, and not the sweet one he normally gave at formal events or to diplomats and other public figures. It was a smirk, and it was the sexiest thing you had ever seen. You knew your face was once again red as a cherry, you could feel the heat leaving your skin. You quickly avoided his look; hand going to try and cover your face as you slipped away from the crowd and toward the restroom. You splashed cold water on your face, then met your own frazzled gaze in the mirror. Taking a few deep breaths, you moved to leave but heard voices in the hall, so you halted.

"You know that Jingxian girl is a bitch, right?" The voice was familiar, but quieter than you were used to, so you almost didn't recognize it was Chenle.

"That's harsh." Another person replied. Renjun?

"It's true." That was Yangyang.

"Wait, was she the one who threw her soup at that maid while they were in Europe?" Renjun asked.

"Yeah. She also apparently pretty much stole some girl's necklace that she liked when she went to Japan with…I think her name is Eiko?" Chenle replied.

"Kun-ge told me that she had taken some book from one of Yuta's girls and threw it in a fountain. It was signed or something. He made her replace it and she had to pay like a million won." Your arm jerked away from the handle then. Yuta told you a maid had done it on accident…

"Was it the quiet one he got the leather satchel for?" You shook your head a bit in shock. Yuta got that for you…you thought.

"He told me he tried to get Yuta to let him have her in the beginning, but he said no." Chenle continued, and their voices faded as they continued down the hall. Your head was swimming and your heart had started to race again. There was nothing you could do if all that was true. You were Yuta's, and that was final.

~*~*~

There was a final straw for the other Sakuras though. At it would be their downfall it seemed, and they only fell because they weren’t careful when trying to push you over the edge first.

You were in the lounge, the area big enough to easily accommodate all of the girls and let them have all kinds of fun. Your favorite place was on the top bunk, of essentially a bunk-couch. Instead of a bunk bed, there was a nice soft couch with a wooden loft over it, and another couch on top with ladder-like staircase to get you up on. That was your favorite place. It was removed from the central conversation-pit-like area where most of the girls gathered. They would play drinking games and tell all sorts of lurid stories and secrets, while you would sit under the dim light of a lamp and read.

"Hiyomi, come here!" The girl that called you, Eiko, was the second eldest of your group. She was the only one that was actually Japanese herself, but even then, she was given a different name. You each were granted one from Yuta himself, you weren't even sure he knew any of your real names. Your birthnames didn't matter anymore.

Sighing, you reluctantly put your bookmark in your novel and trudged over to the group. Not everyone was there, Ten's girls were probably off getting drunk and defiled, and three of Taeyong's were with him abroad. Sitting down gently in an armchair, you smoothed your skirt down as you did and stiffly rested back.

"We're playing truth or dare." Of course they were.

"Okay?" They never invited you to play anything or do anything with them unless they were forced to. The competition had gotten much worse lately. As the Princes all approached the grand age of 25, they would finally choose their main wife. You were in the lead, to no one's surprise, but to everyone's chagrin. Yours included. You shot a quick glance at Jingxian. She was the forerunner of the Ursas…Kun's favorite seemingly. She was refined, elegant, beautiful. To many she was kind, sweet, but she was cold to you. She was never rude in person and as far as you know, after the book incident she didn't do anything. That was better than cruel though. She was close with Eiko, and you assumed that was why she disliked you so much, since Eiko cared so little for you. You didn't associate much with any of Kun's girls, but still you hated them. No, that wasn't the right word, you envied them. The worst thing was, you knew that Jingxian didn't love Kun. Just like you didn't love Yuta. She was enamored with Taeyong. Well, maybe not him, but his status. He was the crown prince, which would mean she could be queen if she was chosen. You weren't sure who else knew this, but you knew it was grounds for her to be more-or-less banished. If you really wished, you could out her, and get her kicked out, but what was the point? That wouldn't help you any, and there was no point in lashing out at her out of jealousy. That would make you just like all the others.

"Come sit here." Eiko was being way to friendly, which made you way suspicious. You followed her prompt though; you were the youngest after all. There was an empty soju bottle in the middle, the girls clearly having finished it off earlier.

"I'll start." One of the Petals started; her name was Anjeong. She spun the bottle, and you held your breath, only sighing gently in relief when it landed on Eunhwa, the eldest Bunny.

"Truth or dare, unni?"

"Hm." Eunhwa tapped her finger on her chin, "truth."

"How big is Prince Doyoung's cock?" She prompted and the girls chattered with curiosity. You zoned out then, knowing how this whole thing was going to go. Your eyes drifted to watch the gas flames in the fireplace. As you glanced back at the bottle as it was spun again, not even hearing her answer, your eyes passed over Lumei. She was the maknae of the Ursas, and you hated her the most. You could have been her; she was only about a month younger than you. She didn't seem to notice your glare and she giggled when the bottle landed on her when Eunhwa spun it.

"Truth or Dare, Lumei?"

"Dare!" She decided quickly and Eunhwa looked thoughtful for a second, looking around. She smirked and cast a devilish look at Jingxian before looking back to Lumei.

"Show us what Prince Kun's favorite position is." You wondered if they noticed you go still. Completely. You couldn't show a reaction, you didn't want to let any of them know your secret. They would use it to assassinate you. Jingxian scoffed at the question, over-dramatically.

"I don't think she's can." She grinned coyly, taking a sip of her wine and Lumei sent her a playful sneer.

"Honestly, I can't really show you, because I myself can't do it. But…" Lumei looked around and then climbed onto the couch behind her. She sat on it backwards, knees on the back of the couch, back to the cushion, her head hanging over the edge, hair flowing to the floor. She opened her mouth wide and just sat there a second, the other Ursas giggling. Your jaw clenched, eyes stinging, but you still didn't move.

"Her gag reflex is too sensitive." Jingxian pressed on her throat, and she hacked, sitting up to catch her breath around laughs.

"I can't even open my mouth that wide…" Mianyu mumbled, and the girls chattered and giggled. Your tongue ran over your lips, and you pondered if you could. You were all too familiar with that position Lumei mimicked, and at first you had been disgusted at her pose. But now you would enjoy it with Yuta more, you could imagine Kun instead. Like you often did. Your gag reflex was practically nonexistent, whether it was genetics or a fluke, it had always been that way.

"Okay!" Your eyes flicked to the bottle as Lumei spun it, still giggling, clearly tipsy. You sagged in relief when the bottle landed on Aikiro then. She was your biggest rival…in her eyes anyway. She outright despised you, she felt she should be the favorite just because she was the ‘leader’. Okay…whatever.

"Trush or dare?" The Ursa maknae hiccupped and you wondered if the blood going to her head made her drunker.

"Truth." She leaned back against the couch she sat in front of, sending a wry look your way. What did you do? You rolled your eyes and looked back at the fire.

"How many times have you done it with Yuta, and Jungwoo and Mark?" she asked, and silence fell over the group. Your eyes widened a bit, but you didn't look back to the group.

"You idiot!" Mianyu slapped the back of Lumei's head, and she yelped.

"What?" Aikiro nearly growled.

"W-well. I mean, everyone knows that Yuta invites them over a lot. Jinyu said…"

You felt four heated gazes fall on you and you licked your lips, looking slowly back at everyone else. Your eyes flicked to Jinyu who was staring at the floor, zoned out.

"What do you mean, a lot?" Aikiro looked back at Lumei who shriveled under her glare, pressing closer to Jingxian.

"E-every Friday." She replied. Before you could look back to your fellow Sakuras, you flinched as Aikiro stormed over, dumping her wine all over your head. You exhaled in shock, closing your eyes to prevent the alcohol from running into them.

"You fucking bitch! You told them? I bet you brag about it." You grit your teeth, reaching for the nearby tissue roll, but Eiko snatched it from your reach, her own drink joining. The fruity scent of whatever kind of pre-mixed cocktail she was drinking stung your nose and your hair started to drip.

"H-hey!" Gyuri, the kindest one there, the maknae of Doyoung's bunnies, tried. She really did try, but… You winced and grunted when a hand grabbed the back of your hair, yanking your head back so were forced to look up at the owner. Keiho was the oldest, out of all the girls actually, but she was the most cruel. She was the most two-faced as well. Your eyes flicked to her drink, expecting her to dump it on you as well, and your face fell. It was a bottled pina colada. Coconut. Everyone knew you were super allergic to it, couldn't even eat anything made in the same factory as coconut products.

"Hm, I wonder if you would like the taste of this?" Keiho took a sip before looking at the label on the bottle and she let go of your hair just long enough to let Eiko take over.

"Wait, Keiho-" Mianyu stood then, trying to go forward. Before she could get very far though, Jinyu grabbed her wrist, halting her. No one but you seemed to notice Gyuri slip away from the group and out the door. You prayed she was going to get help. Your heart was pounding, you were scared, legitimately. This wasn't a joke, not a game anymore. They were seriously out to hurt you. Keiho swirled the bottle a bit, and let it tip slightly, a drop falling from the mouth and landing on your cheek. It didn't take any more than five seconds for your skin to start itching, and the girls around you could see the skin already starting to redden, following the path of the drop before it landed on the floor. You tried to wiggle free at that point, out of Eiko's grip, but the final Sakura, Yumi, sat behind you in the chair, holding you in place. She giggled, leaning down to whisper in your ear.

"Should I tell them about Kun?" Her voice was so soft you almost didn't hear her. You froze then, eyes wide, looking toward Jingxian.

"She knows too, you know." Yumi whispered and then you saw the other woman smirk. The other girl still didn't let Mianyu go and help you. Aikiro kneeled then, joining Yumi in restraining you, her hand going to your face and pressing on your cheeks to force your mouth open. A tear fell from your eye, and you tried to shout, but Eiko's hand left your hair and landed on your throat. Not enough to cut off your air, but in just the right spot to silence you. Keiho swirled the drink again and was just about to tip it again, but she hesitated. Why? Your eyes met hers and she seemed to realize how bad it would be to do what she wanted, seeing the raising red welt on your face from just a drop. It wasn't like your tongue and throat would slowly swell shut, it could shut your body down faster than anyone could get help.

"Don't be a fucking coward." Jingxian snapped, slamming her wine glass down onto the side table so hard it sloshed from the glass. She snatched the bottle from Keiho, and she tipped it-

The sliding door slammed open, the loud noise startling her. The girls all looked in horror at the door, and you watched in terror as the bottle fell from her hand, the alcohol splashing onto you, and a swig or two fell into your still open mouth. You choked, trying to spit the liquid out, your mouth already burning, and the girls let you go as Yuta stormed into the room and straight to you.

"Hiyomi!" You spat more out, nearly tempted to force yourself to throw up…if you even could. Your mouth and face burned, your skin and eyes itched, and tears fell from your eyes as your head grew foggy. You were already wheezing, and Yuta was at your side immediately. A second person landed on your other side.

"Sit her up." You let Yuta move you, slumping back into him and watching blearily as the nurse brought the EpiPen down and injected the medicine into your thigh. You felt some relief at the moment, and you grew tired quickly but your breathing was still shallow. The nurse went ahead and injected the second shot and your body seemed to get enough relief that it wanted rest then.

"Hiyomi!" A third voice hit your ears and you blearily looked to see someone else dash in, heading for you as you fell unconscious.

~*~*~

You awoke to the sound of beeping, and distant voices. You blinked to clear your vision and it was clear you were in a hospital. You cringed, looking down at the IV in your arm…You really preferred it in your hand. You felt like you couldn’t bend your arm, and they had put it on your dominant side to boot. Groaning, you adjusted in the bed, your body and head felt heavy. The voices got louder; you could recognize one was Yuta's.

"They did it on purpose, everyone knows how allergic she is to coconut."

"I'm not saying what they did wasn't bad, but are you really okay with getting rid of your entire harem but Hiyomi?" It was another man, a voice you only ever heard in person once. It was the King.

"Father, if I had to pick only one wife, ever, it would be her. She was going to be my main wife anyway. I think having five of them is ridiculous anyway."

"Yuta-"

"I'm not the heir, anyway, so why does it matter?" You didn't hear a response if there was one.

"What about Jingxian and Jinyu?" Jinyu? She was there, but she hadn't done anything that you remembered.

"Get rid of them." Kun's voice was clear. And sharp.

"Didn't you tell me Jingxian was most likely your choice?"

"Not anymore."

"Jinyu too, then?"

"Wasn't it her idea?" Silence.

"Yuta, did what those six tell you not matter?"

"What?" Kun asked then, confused. You strained to hear Yuta's response.

"Yumi. She…she told me that Hiyomi likes you." Finally, your prince spoke. You heard the beeping of your heart monitor increase and felt it in your chest.

"Your highness, I found it!" A maid's voice joined, and you furrowed your brow, listening.

"There's a lock on it." What?

"Just snap it off." Your mouth went dry. Your journal. How'd she know about it? You were more than careful. Or so you thought.

"Did Miss Janyeon have the key to her lock box?"

"Yessir." Fuck. But, if the King requested, it wasn't like she could refuse. That was it. You were out. At least you didn't die.

"I knew all this." Yuta's soft voice was loud in your ears and your breath hitched. What?

"You did?" Kun and the King asked at the same time.

"She's careful. But I know her too well by this point."

"Why didn't you say anything?" the King prompted.

"She was mine, that's all I cared about. It was selfish, but… It is a bit worse than I thought." Yuta huffed.

"What do you want to do, Kun?" Their father moved on.

"It's up to her." It was hard to read his tone, and even in the other room, you could feel the tension rise just by the lack of response from Yuta.

"She's mine." His tone was harsh, you had only heard him angry one other time. Right before you passed out. It felt like minutes of silence passed.

"If that's what she wants." Kun spoke finally.

"I think we owe her a decision, since she went through such an ordeal. It’s impressive she kept it hidden so well, and didn't ever act on it, or act out against the other girls. I might not be around much, but your mothers are, and they tell me everything. She's brave and strong for all the shit the other girls put her through. For now, let's keep it hidden we all know, let her choose her next actions without interference. If she chooses Kun, what will you do Yuta?"

"If you love something, you gotta learn to let it go." His defeated tone made your throat clench. You didn't want to hurt him, you really cared for Yuta. You also knew that your feelings for Kun were borderline insane, if not straight-out irrational. It was infatuation, you weren't allowed to get close enough to him to call it love. You were starting to realize then, that it was probably Yuta's doing. Especially if he knew. Maybe that was why he kept you at his side if the others were around, you thought it might be to protect you from the other girls…

"That's a lot different than what you said three years ago."

"Fuck off."

"Yuta, if you allow her to choose Kun instead, you won't have anyone. It would look bad on me." their father pressed.

"If she leaves me, I'll abdicate." You gasped at that. Yuta was second born, even if he wasn't the crown prince, he was closer to the throne than anyone else. He was right after Taeyong, which would put him in a high position when the eldest became King.

"Yuta-"

"If Kun ditches his girls. If Hiyomi chooses you, you can only have her. She deserves the world, and you better fucking give it to her." You closed your eyes, a tear leaving your eye as you made your own decision. No matter how desperately you had wanted Kun the last four years, Yuta was willing to risk everything for you. You couldn't let him do that.

"Would it look bad for the third-born to have one wife?" Kun asked then and you clenched your jaw, the beeping on the machine picking up. You glanced at it, not sure how to read the numbers, worried if you got any more emotional it would set it off.

"I'm going to tell you boys something that no one else can know. Doyoung already requested that he only marry Gyuri. He's tired of dealing with the girls' drama. Ten doesn't care much for an actual marriage to anyone. Taeyong is willing to have the harem if he's king, since it was the deal for the imperial alliance. He already chose Sooyoung to be the crown princess. I remember when I was your age, all of the crap the girls did to each other, the backstabbing, the gossip. The only girl I've seen that hasn't played into any of it was Hiyomi. Even your mothers love her. If she chose Yuta, what would you do Kun?" More silence.

"If that's what she wants-"

"What the fuck do you want?" Yuta spat.

"Honestly? I want to take her from you. I have for years. I know you said, father, to let her decide without us interfering, but… I'm not going to just sit by." The King sighed so hard that you heard it, your head was spinning trying to process everything.

"If she feels safe with it, I want to bring those six to her. Make them apologize. Hiyomi can decide if they will simply be expelled or if she wants to press charges legally." Your mind ran rampant in that moment. The king was letting you decide? All of your hurt and anger, resentment, jealousy; everything bubbled inside.

"I will have someone speak to Mianyu and Lumei as well. I have a hard time believing they had no part to play, or at least that they didn't know." The king finished and the conversation died, and you assumed they left. A door opened and you realized they had been in the room next door, sharing the wall that was behind your head. Your own door started to open, and you partially shut your eyes, pretending that you just woke up.

"Miss Hiyomi?" A woman spoke a nurse entered, with Yuta behind her. No one else.

"Yes?" You opened your eyes more, continuing the act.

"Do you know where you are?"

"The hospital." You hadn’t hit your head, why wouldn’t you know?

"It was good the nurse had those EpiPens ready, you had a very quick and severe reaction. We're going to keep you here overnight and if all is good, you can go back tomorrow." The nurse smiled and then left after taking note of your vitals, leaving you with Yuta. He sat in the chair next to your bedside, taking your hand in his.

"How are you feeling?"

"Like crap." You admitted and he couldn't help but sigh with a defeated smile.

"I would think. Do you want to talk about what happened?"

"Could I have some water first?"

"Oh!" He got up and went to get what you requested, probably from a vending machine or something. You hated tap water… Yuta returned, and he helped you sit the bed up more as you took a swig from the bottle. You noticed his brow furrow, and his thumb rubbed over your cheek, it must have been a bit red still.

"What happened, (Y/N)?" You nearly choked, luckily you hadn't taken a sip.

"W-what?"

"(Y/N)." He reiterated and you closed the bottle, lip quivering a bit. It had been so long since you heard that name…

"I didn't know you knew my real name." you whispered.

"I shouldn't. But I asked." You had a hard time meeting his eye, so you just rested back, eyes closed.

"I was stupid. I was just reading, and they invited me over to play truth or dare." You huffed in annoyance, "I was suspicious immediately, but I went along with it. I…" You didn't want him to know you heard their conversation, or that you knew he knew about your feelings for Kun.

"I hadn't even been picked, but Lumei asked Aikiro about…about Jungwoo and Mark." You finally looked at him and he nodded, realization painting over his worried expression.

"It was clear that only I get the…privilege." You weren’t sure what else to call it.

"Aikiro got pissed and so she dumped her wine on me. Eiko dumped her cocktail on me and they with Yumi held me while Keiho threatened to make me drink her pina colada." His brow instantly furrowed, anger clearly taking over. But he was the quiet, scary angry type.

"Keiho hesitated, so Jingxian grabbed it from her and decided to do it herself…" You shivered a bit, feeling angry yourself. You never felt so mad. Sad, upset, hurt, frustrated? Yes. Not anger, not the rage you felt taking over.

"What about Jinyu?"

"Jinyu?" You played along. Yuta sighed.

"Apparently it was her idea. We decided that those six need to go. Father wants them to apologize first. He said it was up to you if they get expelled or if you want to get the police involved." You knew all of that already, but you were able to put on a bewildered expression.

"I can decide?" Your prince didn't say anything, and you wondered if he was thinking about his willingness to let you decide about him, or Kun.

"Yes, of course."

"What…what about you and them?" He didn't look at you and you wondered how he would word what you already knew.

"I only need you." He told you softly and you tried to hide your wince.

"Will you meet with them? You don't have to."

"No, I want to hear them apologize. And I want to tell them they're expelled. And I want to press charges." You turned your determined gaze to Yuta; he had never seen you look so harsh. But it made him smile.

"Good."

~*~*~

The doctors determined you were good to be discharged the next day and when you got back to the Sakuras’ dorm, it didn't look any different. You then remembered you wanted to be the one to tell them they were expelled, so you got to. The rest of them weren't in there, but there were maids scurrying about in their bedrooms, packing up their stuff.

"Hiyomi!" You turned as the head handmaiden came in and her hands went to your face, looking you over.

"You poor child." She sighed after you told her in detail what you went through.

"I'm sorry I had to help them find your diary." She pulled the journal out of the top of her hanbok, the lock had been broken off.

"It's okay." You took it from her, "did you look at it?"

"No, child. I know how to respect someone's privacy." You nodded in thanks, and she left to attend to other duties and so you entered your own room. Nothing had been touched, at least it seemed that way, but you still checked. Finding everything was in line, you got changed into something a bit more formal for the rest of the day. Looking in the mirror, you put on the brown and black plaid jacket that matched your skirt. Adding the beret of the same pattern, you pulled it further back, then readjusted your thigh-high socks. After, since you had about an hour to kill before you were supposed to confront the girls, you rummaged through your things. Many of your nicer accessories and little trinkets were from Yuta. Your mind went back to the conversation you had overhead nearly three years prior. Plucking the familiar book off your shelf, you looked over it, the spine was wrinkled from many read-throughs and the signature was in a slightly different spot than the original. It was your favorite book, and it made sense why Jingxian targeted it, but how did she know? Probably Eiko… You then looked at your leather satchel, you used it constantly, and you had nearly forgotten that apparently, Yuta hadn't got it for you. Did Kun really get it instead? Or did he suggest it? Get it for Yuta to give you? You didn't know. The other little gifts started to leave a sour taste in your mouth, making you wonder if he had lied about any of the rest. Your glass paperweight in the shape of a cat went missing, and supposedly a maid found it in your laundry, so he brought it back. A set of manga you liked had a limited edition only sold in Japan that he got for your birthday. But…he hadn't been in Japan when they were on sale. Kun had been though. Letting your thoughts loop into the negative, you gathered all of your gifts, minus the bag, and piled them on your desk. The bag was a practical item, so it was allowed some grace, but you wanted to ditch the rest for some reason. Why did you feel so mad at Yuta? It wasn't like he did anything wrong, technically, he just continued to act like he didn't know about your feelings for his half-brother.

"Lady Hiyomi?" A soft voice called after a knock on your door. A younger maid had come to escort you to a sitting room where you were to meet with the girls. Swallowing the few nerves you had, surprisingly, you followed after her and entered the room. It was empty, no one else was there-

"(Y/N)." You startled, only noticing Kun as you got further into the room. He was sitting on the couch under a window, and you wondered why Yuta wasn't there. He looked gorgeous as always; his hair dyed a dirty blonde and slightly wavy, and he had on a navy and white letterman jacket.

"(Y/N)?" If Yuta wasn't supposed to know your real name, how did Kun? That didn't matter, you were there with him, alone. And he was coming toward you. That's when you got nervous, and you gripped your hands together to hide their quaking.

"Yuta told me. I…I needed to show you something before everyone else gets here." He pulled his phone from his back pocket, and you glanced up at his face to see his clearly upset expression. He tapped on the device, and you heard an audio recording start.

"Can you help me or not?"

Yuta?

"I can, but what's in it for me?"

Was that…Jinyu?

"I'll make it so you can leave. Get out of here." "What do you want me to do?" "Come up with the plan yourself but figure out a way for the other four Sakuras to get expelled." "Can't you do it yourself?" "Not without a reason. Public image and shit. I really don't care about the rest of them, I just want Hiyomi. Can you do it?" "Probably. You wanted me to drag Jingxian too, right?" "Please. She's gotten on my last fucking nerve. She has to know about Hiyomi and Kun, why else would she be such a bitch?" "I know that's it. What was the last thing she did again?" "Something petty, poured bleach on her favorite dress. I got her a new one and she didn't even notice, but…" "How many things have you replaced?" "Like seventeen or something crazy. Those are just the ones she doesn't know I did, too." "You know, if you weren't my cousin, I wouldn't do this." "Bullshit, you know that's not why. We're only second cousins." "I'm serious, Yuta. I couldn't care less about the others." "Even Kun?" "Kind of hard to like your future husband when you're a lesbian."

It was clear there was more to the recording, but he cut it off. You were silent for some time, trying to process everything you just heard. You stumbled and Kun quickly pocketed his phone and reached out to stabilize you, then led you to the couch.

"Did…did Yuta know what the plan was?"

"I doubt it. But…it still was partly because of him." You slumped against the back cushion, resting your cheek on it, mind swirling. Your hat fell from its place, and you just pulled it all the way off.

"W-what do you make of it?" You needed more information; your emotions were so turbulent you couldn't even decide for yourself what to feel.

"Well…I know Jingxian was such a bitch because I like you." He just straight out admitted it and your body froze, your default response. He must have noticed the jolt you gave as your body stiffened and his hand went to your chin, prompting you to look up at him. Being so close to him, it took your breath away, he was even more stunning up close. And his eyes were so gentle and warm, not the same sharp heat you normally got from Yuta.

"Honestly, early on I tried to get Yuta to let you go, so I could have you instead, but he refused." Kun sighed, then huffed with dry amusement, "I'll admit I'm a little crazy when it comes to you."

"Birds of a feather…" You mumbled and he let your face go and you just slumped against the couch again.

"You know how Yuta gets you two presents for your birthday?"

"One's from you, huh?" You guessed accurately it seemed.

"How-"

"A few years back, I overhead your friends in the hall. They said that you made Jingxian replace my signed book. I know my bag was from you. Looking at it now, those gifts make a lot more sense. They would be so different from each other. Yuta would get me a pretty set of earrings and a necklace, but then there would be a full book series. Or instead of nice shoes, it would be a galaxy print. The year-long pass to the planetarium?" Kun was more of an intellectual than Yuta for sure, he was the only one of the princes that went to college. That was part of the reason you liked him so much, he was more similar to you than anyone else there. You knew that even with the restricted amount of time you had around each other.

"How did you get that recording?" You asked when it seemed he was struggling to find a response. He glanced up at you, head still bowed, dirty blonde bangs falling over his brow.

"Jinyu sent it to me with a caveat. She made me promise that you wouldn't press charges against her. She doesn't mind the expulsion, would welcome it…"

"Did you know that she was…?"

"Yeah. She told me early on."

"Yes, it was her idea, but… Yuta prompted her, and if you promised her that, I'll respect it." Your expression hardened then, so quickly it made Kun raise his brow in surprise.

"I can't believe him. I know…" You swallowed hard, "I guess he did it because he loves me. Or that might be what he says, but for all this time…" You exhaled hard through your nose, brow furrowing.

"Yes, I want to get back at the girls even past kicking them out, pressing legal charges. They put me through so much shit for so long…And I shouldn't be this mad at Yuta, but… I want to get back at him too." Your last sentence was much quieter, you felt ashamed of your rage toward him, but that recording just bubbled everything over. You looked up then, fully to make eye contact with Kun.

"I just…I don’t know how. Help me?" The other prince hummed, leaning into the back cushion himself, looking pensive.

"I shouldn't be as sadistic as I want…" Your phone alarm went off then, meaning the others would be coming rather soon.

"Think on it, I'll go with what you plan." You told him, standing to adjust your clothes. Stepping over to a mirror, you put your hat back on, fixing your rumpled hair as well. The king was coming too after all. As you primped, Kun stepped up behind you so you could see him in the reflection as well. He wasn't any taller than Yuta, but that did still put him nearly a head taller than you since you weren't in heels. You gasped, watching his arms wrap around you from behind, his cheek pressing against the side of your head. The black fabric of his sleeve smelled amazing, like him of course. Your heart started to beat so hard you were sure he could hear it, maybe even feel it where his chest met your back.

"Tell me, what does Hiyomi mean? Do you know?"

"Something with sunlight and beauty." You had learned Japanese in your training, but that didn't mean you knew name etymology. Yuta had mentioned it before though.

"How do you like Yuhua?" You assumed it was something similar…was he already thinking of picking a different name for you? Honestly, it was the next best after your birthname.

"Perfect." You whispered and nearly whined when he pulled away abruptly, the door opening not even thirty seconds later. Your posture immediately corrected itself, and you bowed your head as the King entered, followed by Yuta, then the six girls were escorted in by a few of the royal guards. Though, they looked more like federal agents…

"Sit." One of them ordered and the clearly dismayed girls followed. There was still evidence of mascara running and their faces were blotchy and red. They weren't in their fancy clothes either, having been dressed in clothes similar to the uniforms worn as trainees. Plain pleated skirts and button ups with a cardigan. For once, you weren't the plainest dressed one in the room, and you felt more smug than angry looking over them.

"Come here, child." The king prompted and you stepped to his side at his prompting, head still bowed to avoid looking at his face. You didn't notice the glare Yuta had sent Kun's way when he realized he had arrived there early. And that he had access to you without your prince being there as well.

"Tell them, Hiyomi." He motioned with his hand, and you turned to face them fully. They were clearly shocked by your cold gaze, and your eyes met Jinyu's. She looked significantly less nervous, and it was clear she was putting on an act.

"Expel them, please, your highness." The five other girls had various reactions, all forced down and if glares could kill, Jingxian would succeed in her mission.

"Of course. Now, you six. Apologize." The King's tone was hard, and the girls shakily stood and moved to face you. They clearly didn't want to do what followed, but they had little choice. They fell slowly to their knees, and bowed low, foreheads on their hands pressed to the floor. You barely registered the clearly scripted words they spoke, and you turned to look over your shoulder at the princes. Your gaze first went to Yuta, and it was clear he had no idea that you knew everything. He gave you his classic smile, but it just pissed you off then. You then looked at Kun and he gave a subtle nod.

"Jinyu can go." You then noted and the King was curious why you only let her go, but he allowed it. He knew there was something unspoken since Jinyu seemed to sag in relief as she left.

"We'll tell them the rest, father. Would you mind leaving us to it?" Kun stepped forward and his father turned to look back at him. They exchanged something unspoken through their gaze.

"Very well." He nodded and he left along with the guards, who stayed stationed outside the door as it closed.

"Hiyomi?" Yuta stepped up closer, but you ignored him, going to where the girls had sat back down. The other Sakuras looked a bit more nervous, but Jingxian was steaming. All of her hard work over the years, desperate to get whatever wealth and power she could, gone. The sneer she shot you pissed you off, hand flying up without thought, smacking her hard enough to snap her head to the side. She just sat there, not looking back at you. Not sure what to say to them, you turned and looked at Kun who was in the same spot, a little behind his slightly older brother. A smug look fell on his face, and he stepped around the other prince, shedding his letterman-style jacket and laying it on the table. You wanted to swoon as he rolled the sleeves of his white button-up, so they bunched above his elbows. Paired with his watch and the ring he had on his index finger, it was so little, but so hot. Yuta must have noticed how your expression changed, recognized it even, but you knew it was different than anything you gave him.

Kun sidled up next to you and he raised a brow, silently asking if you were ready. You nodded so slightly, with a tiny hum and you gasped as his hand grabbed your chin. The move was a bit rough, but your gasp was of delight, not fear or shock. His eyes were still warm, and he had the sexy grin back, your thighs twitched along with your core.

"You know, it’s a shame that only Yuta could get a girl so good." His grip softened, and he cupped your jaw instead. The room was so quiet you could hear Jingxian's jaw clench and made her teeth grind against each other. Kun's face was so close to yours that you felt his breath on your lips.

"Kun, what are you-" Yuta started, coming closer.

"But it's also a shame that she got stuck with him." His tone was incredibly patronizing, derisive and you just took the chance to bask in his presence and attention as he pulled his phone back out, stepping back slightly. He still had the audio clip paused where he left it off before, and you saw then it was half-way through.

"At least you only have to deal with one guy. He also knows. I have to get it up for four other sluts I couldn't care less for."

The four other Sakuras gasped, and your eyes flicked to look at Kun's phone, but his hand at your jaw turned you back to focus on him. It was hard to get mad with the following audio while looking over him, so close to you. You didn't even care to look and see what Yuta's expression was. He had frozen, just behind his half-brother, almost scared to move.

"Viagra?" "No, I just pretend they're Hiyomi. Hard to do though. Eiko's so fucking annoying and won't shut up. Sounds like a bad porno. Aikiro still doesn't know what the fuck she's doing even after training for a year and more. Yumi has no stamina and is selfish to boot. Keiho-"

Your eyes flicked to the phone again, waiting for him to finish. It seemed he paused to take a drink or something, because the audio kept progressing.

"Keiho is a fraud. She thinks I don't know that she goes to Ten's little orgies or whatever. I know she's slept with half of the guard too."

All the girls looked at Keiho then, her cheeks that were bright red with anger were now horribly pale.

"She acts like she wants stuff vanilla, loving. I know she can only get satisfied with two cocks in her."

Kun shut it off then, only a few seconds left but you had heard enough. How dare he criticize Keiho when he was the one that brought his friends in to fuck you at the same time? Did he think it would be flattering that he only thinks of you when he's with the others?

"Hiyomi-" Yuta tried to start, and you wanted to push around Kun, smack his stupid pretty face. But you trusted the other prince to come up with the best thing he could. He already tore down the girls, that much was obvious from their faces and the devastated looks they sent Yuta.

"Despite his supposed love for you, sweetheart, it’s a shame you don't feel the same." Since it wasn't directed at you, and it would still be incredibly hot if it was, the smug sadistic grin he had riled you up all the more. Kun hummed, prompting you to respond and he chuckled at the dazed look you had.

"No, I don't." It was like he was some kind of drug; your thoughts were foggy, and you needed more of him. He had taken out the girls, they looked like all the fight had been ripped from them, slumped on the couch. It had hit Yuta too, but not enough, not yet. Though, Kun needed to finish Jingxian first.

"Do you know how hard it was for me? From the moment I saw you, I wanted you. The only reason I was going to choose Jingxian was because I hate her. I couldn't live with myself if you weren't my wife, my princess, but I didn't want to hurt the other girls. They didn't deserve the hurt like her. She's a horrible human being and she seemed all the worse compared to you, (Y/N)." Hearing him say your real name again did it, you were head over heels in love with him and you thanked whatever higher being finally graced you with something good. All of the shit you had put up with came to the best moment of your life, knowing Kun wanted you just as badly as you wanted him. Even if you both knew it was crazy, even sick; at least you could be lovesick together. The final hit to the girls, hidden from Yuta since Kun blocked you from his sight, was the extremely gentle kiss he pressed to your forehead, followed by him gently brushing his nose over yours.

"Guards, take them to the police." The prince let your chin go, just enough so he could step back so as not to shout in your ear. The door opened and the suits came in, quite literally hauling the girls away, Jingxian now just as broken as the others.

"Only one left." You whispered when Kun came back to you. He shifted where you stood with a hand on your lower back, making you visible to Yuta then.

"Show him you're mine." He told you and it seemed your minds were linked. At graduation, each girl would kneel before the prince and swear their loyalty, almost like being coronated. You sank to your knees, but you looked up at him instead. The normally practiced display of reverence for a girl's monarch was corrupted by the desire you looked at him with, and he you. You were submitting to him as a man, not as a higher-up, nor a prince. He grinned when your hands gripped his belt, not moving to remove it, but the implication was clear-

"You fucker." Yuta shot forward, hand burying in Kun's shirt and yanking him away from you. You flinched back as Kun was pulled away and you quickly stood as the brothers stared each other down.

"You lost, Yuta. Move on, she's mine now. Ready to abdicate?" You flinched back with a gasp, hands covering your mouth as Yuta's fist moved toward his brother's face. Kun deftly moved his head the little bit he had to for the blow to miss.

"Wait!" You tried to weasel your way between them before the elder landed a punch on the younger. Even though they were the same height, Kun was bigger, Yuta had a hard time gaining any kind of bulk and he looked like a twig next to the other prince. While he wasn't the most muscular man you knew, he was outright perfect to you, and it was clear he was strong because Yuta barely budged him with his tug on his shirt, he moved with the pull. That was beside the point… You got back at Yuta, what happened was enough, you could tell by the hurt etched into his face. Your anger had immediately dissipated, a better solution hitting your mind. Neither of them knew you had heard the full conversation the day before, but that didn't change that you had.

"Don't abdicate. You already are losing your harem, but you told Kun to only have me, right?" Both men were clearly shocked that at your words and you took the chance to shove Yuta off, standing in front of Kun, clearly in a show of protection. Like you could really do anything…

"Y-yes." Your prince's voice was soft and rough. He didn't deserve how much you really wanted to wreck him. Your rationality had kicked in, logic taking over, he was already defeated.

"We’ll tell the press that the other four turned against me because I didn't want to be involved with you. Turn it on me. You take the three from Kun, and I go to him. You're second born, you can't just give up those rights-"

"(Y/N), I don't want to be a prince without you as my princess." Your chin quivered a bit at his tone, his eyes glassy.

"And I don't want to be a princess without Kun as my prince." You countered. You needed to break his heart for him to let you go. You didn’t turn to look at the other man even though Yuta's eyes flashed to look over your shoulder.

"Take the other three, add two more from wherever, do whatever. Wouldn't you rather move on and find someone else than love me and know I don't feel the same? If you love something let it go? Do you think I want to be restricted to you, when I love someone else?"

"You love him?" You didn't respond to his question. It wasn't the real definition of love, it wasn't that pure, but you had some twisted loyalty to Kun that you never did for Yuta.

"Do you love me?" You pushed back. You weren't sure, it seemed somewhat like you were a trophy, a luxury item that he might adore, but…

"You're supposed to be mine." He didn't answer the question. Not directly.

"You don't love me, I’m just your favorite. You liked that I didn't fight the other girls tooth and nail just to get your attention. You liked the challenge. If you really cared you would have told me all the shit that Jingxian did, and the others, I'm sure. You never even bothered to learn who I was, getting me pretty, girly things. You played up the romance but never did anything I liked with me. I might have been in your bed the most, but I wasn't in your heart."

"And you were in Kun's?" Yuta nearly spat, not trying to defend himself, because you were right.

"What's her favorite thing?" The man behind you cut in and you turned to look at him. You didn't answer, genuinely curious if Yuta knew, because he never acted on it…

"Books."

"Wrong. Space. She goes out at night to watch the stars. All her books are science-fiction. Her favorite sweatshirt is of the milky way and if there's ever a special event at the planetarium, she's there." How did he know all of that? The other prince was silent, clearly not sure what to do or say next. His eyes went back to you, and you couldn't meet his look, and stepped closer to Kun.

"Favorite animal?" Kun continued.

"Dogs-"

"Goats. She just can't have one as a pet, she asked. The keychain on her bag is a goat. So is the plushie she takes with her on out-of-country flights. She tells people she likes dogs because it's more accepted.”

"Her favorite color is dark purple because it looks like the night sky. She loves snow but hates rain. She's the only girl fluent in all four languages. She hates moths and loves fireflies." He kept going and you wondered how he knew all that. Though…it was all things that were more or less common knowledge, things your friends knew. It wasn't creepy, just observant, and it should be things Yuta knew. But, based on his face, he really didn't.

"He loves planes. He took lessons to learn to fly one. He loves cats but doesn't have one because Lumei is allergic. He wears a lot of black and white, but he always uses a blue pen because he likes blue too. He hates cold weather; he knows how to cook, and he even is scared of butterflies." You smiled softly, realizing all the things he knew about you, you pretty much knew about him as well. It was things you overheard while near him or figured out by watching him from afar. After an uncomfortable silence, you finally looked up to meet Yuta's gaze.

"I'll go talk to father. I'll… if you ever break her heart, I'll fucking kill you." The prince exhaled, seeming to get some kind of closure and he stepped closer, reaching for you. Midway though, his hand stopped, and his eyes flicked to the side, at your earrings.

"They're moons." He noticed.

"Yes." Your voice was quiet, and the prince dropped his hand, cast one more look to his brother, and left. Watching him go was…a relief. You thought you might feel something else, be a little sad, or hurt, but you just felt at ease. As you turned to face Kun once more, he was already there, his hands at your jaw and he pulled you to him, kissing you so hard your teeth clashed against his. The force of him pulling you into him knocked your hat off, falling to the floor. You whimpered, hands holding his wrists as you try to meet his fervor. Your butt hit the table when he turned you with his leg wedging between yours. One hand left your jaw to cup the back of your head, blunt nails scratching your scalp. The other hand found its way to your waist, then his arm snaked around your middle, helping you up to sit on the table. Kun finally pulled away, both of you panting and your dazed eyes met his sharp ones.

"Fuck." He sighed, leaning forward and resting his forehead on your shoulder. His hands rested on the table, holding him up so he didn't rest his full weight on you, and he stood there for a while. You pressed your cheek to his soft hair, basking in him finally being so close to you. Slowly, you brought your arms up, shaking, and wrapped them around his shoulders. The hug was quickly returned, Kun enveloping you back, and you pressed your face into his chest. With your ear over his heart, you closed your eyes, listening to it beat, soaking in the scent of his cologne. Neither of you really wanted to pull back, but never-the-less did so. He took your hands in his, bringing them up so he could kiss them.

"I need to talk to father as well, sweetheart," his hand cupped your cheek, thumb rubbing your soft skin, "wait for me."

Due to formalities and legalities, you weren't Kun's right away. Because of all the rules, you both were moved into a guest house more or less, still on the royal campus, but not one of the official palaces. You had to wait for nearly a week as the ministers convened, trying to figure out what the hell to do. Taeyong remained the heir and was the only one that kept the harem as promised. Yuta didn't abdicate, but he didn't rebuild his harem either. He ended up moving to Japan then, becoming the ambassador for that part of the empire. Kun adopted most of his roles and rights, and it was well received by the public that he wanted to marry for love instead. He wasn't the heir, so the ministers didn't mind too much. Ten had some of his privileges revoked when it was revealed how debaucherously he was living, but he didn't mind. Doyoung too gave up his harem, minus Gyuri. A lot of things changed fast, but it was welcome. Finally, once everything was official, you stood in the middle of the foyer of your new home, watching people mill about as they moved the final things in. Looking around, you startled when someone snuck up behind you, hugging you.

"It's done, sweetheart." Kun nuzzled behind your ear, and you bit your lip, giggling.

"Once everyone leaves, I'm going to take you, since your mine now."

Part 2: Up Close (Smut)

Master-Master List

NCT Master List

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readychilledwine · 1 year

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Incoming extra long post 💜

Pushing something a little different today-

Let's talk banned and challenged books

Warnings- this post is going to mention racial and gender issues, violence, and use some foul language. I do not graphically discuss anything, but I want that warning out there right away.

I've gone through 5 different banned/challenged books lists, and I wanted to share with you my favorite books on these lists and why I think everyone should read them.

I want to start with WHO creates the banned book lists and what it is. The banned or challenged book list is a list of books that are not allowed within a school district, and sometimes, when pushed hard enough, public libraries. It is meant to limit access to materials deemed "explicit in nature." It's not made by the government. It's parents and average people create these lists and typically threaten schools if they teach from them or offer these books to kids in libraries. I fully believe and support parents having the right to ease their kids into adult topics, but challenging your kid is the point of school.

I did notice there's common themes in the books on these lists

Race and race theory is discussed in the books

Mental health is discussed in the books

Body autonomy is discussed

The women's rights movement, LGBTQ+ movement, BLM, or any other minority movement it discussed

The book is critical of the government or religion

The book discusses war and the toll it plays

Slavery is ACTUALLY discussed

The book contains sexual content (consensual or nonconsensual)

The book questions society norms

Magic (Yes. Magic)

This list is updated almost weekly in some school districts, and 99% of the time, it is not to remove a book. It is to add one.

A few of these I won't discuss in as much detail in fear I will risk a community guidelines report, but I wanted to discuss some of them and why I love them.

Always keep in mind that you alone are responsible for your reading intake, and check your triggers on all the books mentioned. I will be posting my personal feelings on which age I feel the books are appropriate for as well. I also have not read a few of these in a bit, so hopefully, I have everything as accurate as possible!

If the ✨️ emoji is by the book, it's one of my personal favorites. Like, I may have multiple covers and editions favorite, or it is a book I frequently think about, or it holds a special place in my heart. Without further ado, I present to you Elizabeth's 21 favorite banned books in no particular order:

Maus by Art Spiegelman - banned for discussions of violence, torture, and death- This is a comic book/graphic novel series based on the author's father, who was a Polish Jew and is a survivor of the Holocaust. It is gut-wrenching. It is disgusting. It is heartbreaking. I do not recommend it for anyone under 16, but I personally think it's okay to be uncomfortable and learn from the past.

✨️Animal Farm by George Orwell - banned for open criticism of the government - I LOVE Animal Farm. Animal Farm is based on the Russian government/monarchy being overthrown (which is why it surprises me that it is banned in so many districts in the US.) In summary, animals over throw their human masters and create a society of their own. It is meant to challenge and discuss the fact that no matter how small a person is, the revolutionary mindset is a powerful one. I highly recommend Animal Farm to 16+.

✨️Beloved by Toni Morrison (get used to her name. You'll see it one more time. I could make a post solely on her.) -banned for violence, SA, realisitic depictions of segregation and slavery - Beloved is about the treatment of black women in the south during and after slavery, and how things circled for them. This book has haunted me since I read it at 15. I'm 27 now. Toni is a superb writer who truly pulls at your heart with her stories. I do not feel this book should be banned. What happened in the United States needs to be discussed openly to work on the racial divide. Please consider reading this if you haven't, and if you have siblings 16+, let them read it as well and have an open discussion with them on how it made them feel. This is one I also recommend checking triggers for.

Burned by Ellen Hopkins (you'll see this name several times, too. I'm shocked her name isn't plastered as the first thing on every list honestly) - banned for questioning religion and parental figures - I also love Ellen Hopkins. I have paid to listen to her lecture several times. I love the way she writes. I love her willingness to challenge society. I love her openly discussing hard topics. This book is one of those topics. It is about a young group of kids sent to what my brain thinks is a religious reformation camp in Nevada. They are supposed to be finding salvation and redemption in Christ, but instead find love and acceptance in each other. There's a few heavy topics (the whole book is heavy. Her books, in general, can be heavy). I'd recommend it to anyone 14+.

Call of the Wild by Jack London - if you're my age and grew up in the American School system, take all the time you need to process the fact that this book is on all 5 of the lists I looked at- banned for animal cruelty and violence - this was required reading when I was in school. I was 12. It is focused on the Klondike Gold Rush, and arguments could be made that it is more based on the treatment of animals at that time. I do not feel I should have been exposed to this at the tender age of 12, but I tend to carry more sympathy towards animals than I do people. I feel safe saying 15+ with discussions being had regularly.

✨️ Fahrenheit 451 by Ray Bradbury - banned for challenging the government and violence - I have chills as I am getting ready to write about this book, tears are welling up, this is my coming of age novel. It is one of the books I read by choice in high school that actually began my question everything and look at all angles mindset. I can not recommend this book enough. It is about book and media censorship and a dystopia based society where common practice is to burn books, a real thing that has happened in so many countries, on government orders in order to keep the general population conformed and uneducated. It discusses the consequences of that on society and humanity, it discusses the dangers of rebellion against that mind set, and I could not put it down. 15+. Please please please read this book if you never have. Especially as an adult who can recognize the behaviors discussed in the book and how it parallels modern society

For Whom the Bell Tolls by Ernst Hemmingway - banned for discussions of war - this book graphically discusses the consequences of war. I am not overly comfortable getting too far into it. I will say, this one will shatter you if you are an immeserive reader who gets so into a book it becomes your surroundings and reality instead of just a pleasure reader. Please read with caution. 17+

Lord of the Flies by William Golding - banned for violence and language (I personally think there's more reasons and those two are the scapegoats) - again, if you are my age, take the time to process your shock. This book centers around children who survive a plane crash on an island and are forced to create their own society and government, and it quickly goes to hell in a hand basket. Everything from sex, to racism, to discrimination against disabilities (does it sound familiar yet) is discussed and challenged by the groups formed in this book. 15+ with supportive discussions

Of Mice and Men by John Steinbeck - another one for people my age to go "wait what" to - banned for "depressing themes" and "antibusiness" - this book discusses the tragic lives of two migrant works and the conditions they were forced to endure. It's main lesson is about humanity and compassion. This is a really educational book that I feel should be in classrooms. 14+

Tricks by Ellen Hopkins - banned for SA and sexual nature - this one I would not recommend to anyone under 17. It is about teens trapped in sex work. Please check your own triggers before reading this.

✨️The Crank Triology by Ellen Hopkins (Crank, Glass, and Fallout) - banned for open discussion of drug use and addiction - these novels are actually based on the life of the author's daughter and her downwards spiral into m3th addiction. They are heartbreaking (fallout will hit you HARD if you have friends who are the kids of an addict or you are a child of a parent who is an addict). They were the first books I read by her, and I am sad to say I live in a community where they were banned hard enough that it passed to all three school districts and the public library. 16+ and please check triggers

Hold your breath, my loves. ✨️A Court Of Mist and Fury by Sarah J Maas -banned for sexual content, violence (domestic and situational), and ✨️magic use✨️ - if someone can explain to me why this is the only book from this series I've found on a banned/challenged list and why NONE of the Throne of Glass books are on them, I'm all ears. Do I think your 13 year old should be reading this? F no. A 16 year old, though? Yes. Let them have that Rhys Crease in those paperbacks. I'd rather my kid read smut than watch it. Also, kudos and congrats to SJM for being a banned author in 12 school districts, thus making her one of the top bans for the 2022-2024 school years. There's some great authors and novels on this list. It was pretty cool to get to include her.

✨️The Bluest Eyes by Toni Morrison - banned for race theory, racism, abuse - oof. This one is hard. Be ready to cry if you read it. It takes place after the Great Depression in the US and is mainly about a young black girl. It centers a created inferiority complex she developed because, due to societal norms regarding beauty, She does not see beauty in herself and her skin. Definitely 14+. Definitely should be read in classrooms as it is one of the most powerful books I've read that centered on black women and their voices that need to be heard.

✨️ Milk and Honey by Rupi Kaur - banned for sexuality and representing the feminist movement - this one is quite frankly insulting. This is a poetry novella about healing and finding power inside of yourself as a female and finding your self-worth. It's banned in 10 districts, making it part of the top 10 bans. I might actually cry over this one being banned. My daughter will read it 14, and we're going to discuss it. I think it is that worthy and powerful. I will leave you with my favorite quote from this one "I am not a hotel room. I am home. I am not the whiskey you want. I am the water you need. Don't come here with expectations and try to make a vacation out of me."

✨️ The Catcher in The Rye by JD Salinger - banned for teen rebellion - this is the first book I gave to my younger brother that I thought would resonate with him, he still has that torn up, creased, and notated copy that was passed from my mother to our big brother, then to me, and now to him. He told our parents once he's pretty sure it saved his life. This book centers around 16 year old Holden after he is expelled from school. He begins to challenge adults and societal norms regarding children. It critiques a superficial society and brings to light the consequences of some choices we make. Teens can relate to this book. My siblings and I all did. This book has sat on a pretty much national ban list for far too long. It needs to be brought into classrooms, especially classrooms in schools with behaviorally challenged teens who've never found a book that speaks to their soul and feelings. 16+ with guidance and open discussion.

✨️I Know Why the Caged Birds Sing by Maya Angelou - banned for "bitterness and hatred toward white people" in the majority of the state Texas - break my heart harder, Maya. This is the only autobiography on I have on my tops list at the moment. It focuses on young Maya Angelou and the discrimination and racism she faced. There is so much symbolism and history to dive into with this book. Have tissues ready if you read this. 16+

The Kite Runner by Khaled Hosseini - banned for open discussion of war and violence - another oof. This is another book I handed to my little brother and said, "Read this and get back to me." It was not one of my personal favorites until he sat me down and told me how the book made him feel. I genuinely wish I could have him typing this one out, but he's off doing his adventures and seeing the world. It is a beautiful coming of age novel set in the Middle East during the invasion of Soviet Russia to the United States and the downfall of the Taliban. It centers around the importance of paternal figures, friendship, and key relationships. 15+ there is a SA scene that is rarely mentioned on the banned books list so keep that in mind.

✨️The Lovely Bones by Alice Sebold - banned for discussions of childhood SA, pedophilia, and murder - one of my top 10 favorite books of all time. If you've watched the movie, please read the book. It is about a family struggling after their daughter is SA'd and killed by a serial predator, and it is told from the daughter's perspective in the afterlife and from the eyes of her family. You will go on a roller-coaster of emotions. Anger, sadness, joy. I really do love this book. I have a hardcopy for display purposes, and a paperback with a separate note book filled with notes, quotes, etc. 16+ just due to the heavy nature of it, but for a mature reader and personality 14+

✨️I want to scream from the rooftops on how bullshit this one is. To Kill a Mockingbird by Harper Lee - banned for open discussion of segregation, racism, violence, and "general hatred towards white people - this book should be required reading. This book openly discusses consequences of false accusations based on race, it discusses the mistreatment of minorities, and it discusses a white superiority complex. It needs to be read and discussed, and I will die on that hill. 14+

This one also makes me want to scream✨️The Great Gatsby by F. Scott Fitzgerald - banned for violence, alcohol promotion, anti business beliefs- this book is a classic and it brings to question a lot regarding income levels, old and new money, and financial segregation. It has beautiful symbolism that you have to be paying attention to catch, and is so much more than a Leonardo Dicaprio movie. 14+

It is with a heavy sigh and heart I introduce the next author: ✨️JRR Tolkien✨️ if I would have just listed his books, it'd be this whole list - banned for violence and ✨️magic use✨️ - these novels and short stories are the back bone of the modern day fantasy writer and have even created countless table top RP games. The fact that so many Middle Earth based novels are banned is almost a stab in the back to the idea that schools are supposed to push and celebrate growth, individuality, and knowledge. I have the Lord of the Rings and the books that prequel it on a pedestal. They are my comfort novels and go tos when I'm feeling down and truly want to lose myself into a well-done and built world. I recommend them to anyone who already loves Fantasy or wants to get into fantasy 15+

EDITED TO ADD ✨️Slaughterhouse Five by Kurt Vonnegut - there's a lot of reasons this book is now banned, and I was just informed by my best friend she saw it had hit an official list - If you want science fiction mixed with anti war look no further. This book addresses a very deadly and tragic bombing in ww2 using a narrative from a character who is "stuck there" over and over again. Please really check triggers for this one. It's easily another 16+ book.

Theres a few books I came across on these lists I haven't read yet, but currently have in my cart to purchase. Do any of you have a favorite banned book? Are you interested in any of these books? If you are and have questions, please shoot me a message or comment. I'm always happy to discuss banned books. They're my favorites. 💜

#readychilledwine's random thoughts and blurbs #banned books #banned and challenged books

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playgrl0 · 2 years

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hi guys!

this is kinda important so i'd appreciate it if you'd take a minute to read through this.

i'll also add this to my navigation.

tw: contains mentions of suicide

so, i've been receiving a few asks from people asking me for "easy ways to off themselves" ect. and, first of all, if ur gonna send me an ask which includes any triggering topics PLEASE put a trigger warning first. you'll never know if it'll trigger me when i receive that ask or, it could trigger someone when i do post it. (i always put tw's) so please, add a trigger warning first or i won't respond.

it took me a few days to write this because i dont want to come off as rude or that i dont care or anything like that so i really hope u guys dont take it that way,

i have no issue with people coming into my inbox and asking for advice or if they just want to vent, ect. i like being there for people and listening. i know what its like to have no one to talk to and just wanting to let it out somewhere. i get it. however, i do have a problem with heavy topics like suicide. (and other very heavy topics) so please, please add a trigger warning first. im actually begging.

asking for advice how to "off yourself" is so???.... i would NEVER give advice on that. anyone in their right mind would not do that. if you think u need help, or want help, get professional help. asking a random person on the internet wont help u. call a hotline. visit websites, talk to family/friends, talk to a therapist, ect. there are so many options. i understand getting help is hard, it took me a while to get help as well. but, this is not the right way to do it.

its just very hurtful to read and it also makes me feel horrible because i cant actually help you. especially when youre on anon. like, i dont know who you are, i cant contact you. and it'll leave me fucking anxious and wondering if youre okay. are you hurt? are you still here?, ect. did i just hurt someone? am i the reason theyre not here anymore? these are just a few questions that'll drive me insane. this is so damaging.

so please, think before you send stuff like this and if you do, please, fucking PLEASE, put a trigger warning!!!

thank you

love, p.

<3 @ playgrl0

#p!talks!%*#important

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elskamo · 1 year

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Alex's family is fundraising to cover funeral costs if anyone is able to contribute. Not 100% sure if Alex wasn't out completely before he passed, I and others knew him solely as Alex but the media coverage and fundraiser both use his deadname.

Please let me know if I need to add any trigger warnings to this or my other post!

#death #funeral #fundraiser

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carlatsukinamistolemyhamsandwich · 5 years

Text

Amaryllis - Chapter 1

Summary: Set in an AU created by @dixbolik-lovers, in which the boys are ordinary humans sent to live with the sadistic daughter of the vampire king.

Extract: “And finally, perhaps the most damning of all,” she said casually, as though she hadn’t been choking the life out of him only moments before. “I have very very sharp fangs,” a grin revealed her teeth and even through his swimming vision, Shin could see that they looked deadly. “And now, Tsukinami Shin, you’re about to find out what I use them for.”

A/N: As mentioned in the summary, this AU belongs to @dixbolik-lovers. Please check out their blog, their writing is simply amazing. I cannot thank them enough for letting me post this and giving me the inspiration to write it in the first place. Expect the boys to be a little softer than their canon selves as they’re no longer the ones with the power. Also, warning: this story is going to contain dark themes, depictions of violence and a lot of other things associated with the darker side of DL.

Chapter 1: Blood and Peaches

“Is this really the right place?” Shin asked, eyeing up the imposing mansion that stood before him and his brother. There was nothing wrong with the building per say, aside perhaps from a large and vaguely unkempt wisteria plant curling up one side of it. The odd thing, however, was that not a single light was visible from the outside, even though the sky had long since turned dark.

“It should be,” Carla muttered, his own suspicion at the place clear.

It seemed surreal, only two days earlier they’d been seated around their small dining room table, when a knock at the door revealed a man Carla could vaguely remember from a couple of family and business gatherings in the distant past. He’d introduced himself as Karlheinz, a prominent businessman and the husband of their late cousin, before making them an offer they could ill afford to refuse. And now, Carla was beginning to feel the weight of that decision.

“Damn, there’s not even any signal here.” Shin shoved his phone back into his pocket, attempting to balance their luggage using his other arm as he did so.

Carla glanced back down the gravel path, looking for the sleek black car that had transported them here but the only thing visible in the distance was an empty road. All they were left with was the entrance to the place that was supposed to be their new home.

There was no knocker on the dark wooden door and so Carla settled for rapping his knuckles against it. The sound was loud and clear but it seemed to draw no response. He knocked again, flickering through their options should no one answer. Unfortunately they were severely limited. For a moment nothing happened and Carla began to contemplate the very real possibility that they would have to walk along the side of the road until they could find the closest town.

Suddenly, the door to the mansion swung open and Carla peered at it for a minute, waiting for someone to step forward and usher them into building but no one appeared. Stepping inside, he searched for any signs of life and found none. While the entrance hall was decorated in a grand fashion, not too dissimilar to the one from their old home, there was no one in sight.

Shin came after him, dumping their luggage on the ground as soon as he was over the threshold.

“Oi, is anyone there?” He called before muttering, “don’t tell me the door just opened on its own.”

“Hmm…” The lack of a reception was rude but the vibe surrounding the mansion made the situation downright unsettling. It felt too much like a set up. Were he still a wealthy heir, Carla might have had cause for concern, but as matters stood, there was little anyone could gain from him. “We should see if -“ Carla broke off abruptly, hunching over as coughs racked his body.

“Shit!” Shin was at his side in an instant, guiding him to one of the plush seats by the wall. “Where’s your medication?” He said, his tone alarmed, but Carla only shook his head in response. He’d already taken enough medication for today, far more than he was supposed to and it was ultimately of little use. For all the pills they could prescribe him, no doctor, in the two years since the symptoms had first appeared, had actually been able give him a proper diagnosis.

Shin was just as much at his wits’ end as Carla himself, perhaps more so given that he was the only one left to take care of him when the flare-ups were at their worst.

They sat there for a few moments, Carla’s coughs the only sound audible in the large empty mansion. Shin curled his fists in frustration, he couldn’t take just sitting there, being unable to do anything. As soon as the fit had seemed to reach something of an end, he shot to his feet.

“The hell with this, I’m going to go and find someone.”

Carla thought for moment, before nodding. They would get nowhere if they stayed in the entrance hall all night, and as much as he knew it would be faster for them to split up and search for the house’s occupant separately, a tremble lurked in his limbs and he hated his younger brother seeing him so unsteady on his feet.

Just as Shin started to walk further into the house, Carla called out to him.

“Shin, don’t cause any unnecessary trouble.”

“Fine, I’ll be quick.” And with that he disappeared into the mansion’s dark halls.

***

Growing increasingly frustrated, Shin scowled as he came upon another dead end. Not only did this place seem to be devoid of any sort of inhabitants, but its corridors formed some twisted sort of maze as well. Turning back the way he came, the male shivered slightly as he walked through the unfamiliar halls, his light summer clothes doing nothing against the chill that hung in the air of the mansion.

This was beyond weird. He and Carla had agreed that Karl’s offer seemed suspicious but they were behind on rent for their cramped city apartment and it seemed that they had little left to lose. It’d been well over a year since they’d fallen into ruin, their father vanishing with what small amount of wealth remained and their mother passing soon after. With Carla’s illness, it hadn’t seemed their luck could get much worse, however now, in a strange mansion full of mostly poorly lit hallways, the crumby apartment didn’t seem so bad.

Something cold brushed against his hand and Shin flinched away from it, turning to find the perpetrator. All that greeted him was an empty corridor. A shiver ran down his spine. Shin was not easily scared, but there was something deeply wrong here. He should have spat in Karl’s face the moment he’d turned up on their doorstep. That man was a snake, he should have known that nothing good could come out of he and his brother involving themselves with him.

Just as he’d convinced himself to return to the entrance hall and get himself and his brother out of the creepy old mansion, a cold breath fanned over his ear and Shin felt his heart stop dead. Daring to look out of the corner of his eye, he couldn’t decide whether he was relieved or horrified that he couldn’t see anyone there. A dark chuckle echoed from his other side and Shin felt his nerves fraying. He needed to get out of this creepy as hell corridor. Now.

A door slammed shut at the end of the hall, the sound making him jump. Shin turned to go back the way he’d come and halted in his tracks. The hallway leading back to the entrance hall was cloaked in darkness. While the lighting in this place had thus far been dim at best, he didn’t remember having to walk through a pitch black corridor to reach this part of the house. His heart hammered like a drum inside his chest, this was like something out of an overly clichéd horror film.

Another bang sounded from the other end of the corridor and Shin whipped his head around to find yet more empty space. Someone was fucking with him, but even as he told himself that, it didn’t stop the tremor from entering his legs.

Just when he decided to venture through the darkness back to his brother, the lights in the corridor went out, plunging him into blackness.

He yelped in surprise and blindly grabbed the handle of the nearest door. Shin swung it open in a panic, barrelling into the room and slamming the door shut behind him. He even turned the lock for good measure. It was pathetic to be jumping at shadows but he couldn’t shake the hideous feeling curling in his gut.

As his heartbeat slowed, Shin examined the contents of the room, he’d entered. It was well lit compared to the dim corridors and a fire roared in the hearth, keeping the chill that seemed to permeate the rest of the mansion at bay. The bed was quite possible the grandest he’d ever seen, including from the time before his family had lost their fortune. Fine quality, dusty pink sheets patterned with black roses were draped over the king-sized mattress, a matching canopy hanging over it. A plate of freshly sliced white peaches lay on a bedside table, along with a steaming cup of tea and a half read book that been casually left open to the side. This room was lived in, he realised, the question was, where was its occupant?

“Do you make a habit of entering young women’s bedrooms while they’re in the middle of bathing?” A feminine voice tinged with amusement spoke from the other side of the room.

Shin looked towards the source and found a woman standing in the doorway of what must have been an adjoining bathroom. She was tall and slender, the white fluffy robe she wore reaching just above the knee. Wisps of dark brown hair framed a pale face, with the rest being pinned up in a messy bun. Stunning, he thought absently, she was utterly stunning. And then he remembered who and where he was and shut off that particular train of thought immediately.

“Who are you?” He demanded, slightly furious that he and his brother had been left to linger in the entrance hall, while the mansion’s inhabitant had apparently been lounging in her bedroom eating peaches.

The female blinked at him. “Given that you appear to have locked yourself in my bedroom, I’d think it more fitting that you introduce yourself first.”

He didn’t want to admit that she had a point but he was all too aware of the bathrobe slowly slipping down her shoulder, revealing some of her chest. It was an effort not to stare and so he focused on his anger instead.

“I’m Tsukinami Shin. My brother and I were sent here by a man named Karlheinz,” he practically spat the name out. “Now who the hell are you?”

“Kuronagi Seiren,” the girl replied, slowly walking towards him. Something about the way she moved set his nerves on edge. It reminded him of the way a predator would stalk towards its prey. “Tsukinami, huh? Ah, my father did mention that some boys were coming to live here but he failed to inform me that you would be arriving today. My apologies, I’ll have someone get the rooms ready.” She extended a hand. “If you’re going to live here then I suppose we’d best get acquainted, unusual introduction aside.” A smile flashed across her face and for a moment Shin could have sworn he got a glance of too sharp teeth. He took her hand and nearly flinched the moment he touched her skin. It was ice cold in spite of the warmth of the bedroom. That awful feeling he’d had in the corridor came back full force and he felt the sudden urge to rush out the room, in spite of the questions he still wanted answered.

Slender fingers gripped his hand with a surprising strength and pulled him so that he was standing right in front of her. She was only an inch or so shorter than him and it meant her lips were in distractingly close proximity to his.

“Is something wrong, Tsukinami Shin? You look a little troubled,” she asked in a low voice, cold breath fanning over him.

“It’s nothing,” he replied hastily, trying to step away. Pretty as she may be, he didn’t want to touch her. Some gut instinct screamed at him that there was something horribly wrong with the beautiful girl who had freezing cold skin and too bright grey eyes.

Her grip on his arm remained strong however, and no matter how hard he pulled, she didn’t let go.

“Interesting,” she muttered, expression changing from one of false concern to curiosity. “Most humans aren’t quite this aware but you’re in a real hurry to get away from me, aren’t you? A lot of men would be falling over themselves to be in your position right now.”

Shin didn’t want to diagnose everything that was wrong with that statement.

“Let go,” he barked, curling his other hand into a fist. He was not above hitting a woman if he needed to, even though it was already a dent to his pride that he couldn’t simply wrench himself free.

She ignored his remark completely and continued to examine him with those big grey eyes. “I don’t think it’s because you’re prudish, not with the way your eyes keep glancing towards my chest. No, you can sense something, can’t you? Interesting, very interesting.”

“I told you to let go!” He swung his fist towards her gut and, at the same time, yanked his arm back with as much strength as he could muster. Before Shin could process what had happened, he was on the floor, his arm being wrenched behind his back.

“My, my, how feisty,” she breathed into his ear, her weight pressing down on him. “Don’t you know it’s generally frowned upon to hit a poor, defenceless woman.” Her voice dragged on the last few words.

“Get off of me!” Shin twisted fiercely underneath her, panic truly starting to set in. Every part of him was screaming that he needed to get away. Now, now, now.

“Oh no, let’s not have any of that,” Seiren said as though scolding a small child. She twisted his arm until he cried out from the pain. How could she be so strong?

“You!” He spat, only stilling to spare any further agony from lancing through his shoulder. “Just what the hell are you?”

“Do you feel like having a guess? Perhaps I’ll let you go if you get it right.” Frigid fingers trailed over the back of his neck, sending a shudder down his spine.

“Quit trying to play games with me! Just let go of me already, you damn bitch!” But the angry words were just to cover up his fear. This had to be a dream. There was no way he was being pinned to the ground by a slight woman who was so cold she might as well be dead.

“Now that,” Seiren twisted his arm further and a sickening pop rang out as she did. Shin howled in response to the pain. “Just won’t do. I won’t tolerate that sort of language towards me.” Her voice had changed from being full of amusement to something cold and hard. “Remember this pain, the next time you think it’s a good idea to address me in such a way. Now as for what I am…”

Her weight vanished from him for a moment before Shin was lifted from the floor and tossed onto the bed as though he weighed barely anything at all. Pained lanced through his shoulder at the impact and he hissed out a curse through his teeth.

“Really it shouldn’t be that hard to work out, so let’s sort through the clues, shall we? Firstly, I live in a big, dark mansion and I’m awake even though it’s the dead of night. Secondly-” she wrapped her hand lightly around his throat “-my skin is as cold as death itself. And then, there’s my physical strength, which is far far greater than yours.” Her hand tightened around his throat and Shin immediately began scrabbling at her hands. He couldn’t breathe. Although his fingernails scrapped against her skin, she didn’t let go and if anything she only squeezed harder. Just when he thought he might pass out, she released him and he took deep gasping breaths.

“And finally, perhaps the most damning of all,” she said casually, as though she hadn’t been choking the life out of him only moments before. “I have very very sharp fangs,” a grin revealed her teeth and even through his swimming vision, Shin could see that they looked deadly. “And now, Tsukinami Shin, you’re about to find out what I use them for.” Seiren leaned down over him he felt her mouth against his neck. Too weak from oxygen deprivation to try to struggle, Shin could only lie there as she slid her fangs into his skin. Pain sliced through his neck, hot and heavy. And then she was sucking on the wound, eagerly lapping up the blood that welled up from his flesh.

Seiren pulled her fangs from him, running her tongue, warmed by his blood, over the puncture wounds she’d left behind.

“Not bad, not bad at all.” He desperately tried to push her off with his good arm as she leaned in for another bite but he might as well have been pushing against a brick wall. He couldn’t decide whether he wanted to cry out in pain or frustration at being so utterly helpless. And then her fangs were piercing him once again and he couldn’t think of anything at all. Shin wasn’t sure how long he lay there for, being fed from by some ungodly monster dressed in the skin of a pretty girl. Long enough that his vision began to swim and a soft ringing could be heard in his ears.

Panic surged at the thought that she might have robbed him of enough blood to kill him. But it remained trapped inside his chest as his limbs lay motionless at his sides. They felt so unbearably heavy, more like they were made of stone than flesh. When he was almost sure she’d gorged herself so much that there couldn’t be any more blood left in his veins, Seiren finally moved away from his neck.

“Well,” she whispered conspiratorially into his ear, “have you worked out what I am yet, human?”

“Vampire…” He wheezed as darkness claimed his vision. The last thing he saw was Seiren’s answering smile, revealing fangs still red from his blood. And then there was nothing at all.

***

Seiren rose from her bed and walked over to her bedside table. It was unlike her father to fail to give her exact dates, and she’d been rather caught off guard to find a rogue human wandering the halls. Still, she’d certainly been able to have some fun with him. Unfortunately however, she thought as she glanced at the still full teacup, it meant her tea had gone cold. Glancing back to her bed, a smirk formed on her lips. As lovely as it was to start the day with tea, it was far nicer to start it with blood. It’d been a while since she’d fed too, and the remaining blood on her lips tasted all the sweeter for it.

Reaching for a slice of peach, she mused over what to do with her new guest. He’d mentioned a single brother, which meant there must be one more human lurking in some other part of the house. If she remembered correctly, the letter from her father had mentioned thirteen boys, so it appeared they would be arriving separately.

However, Seiren was in a good mood and dealing with that could wait.

“Ah, is there anything better than starting the day with blood and peaches?” She asked, popping the sliver of fruit into her mouth.

A cold gaze swept over the unconscious boy on her bed. “You know, I think we’re going to have a lot of fun together, Shin.”

***

Chapter 2

#my writing #Amaryllis #AU #tw:choking #my OC #if anyone needs me to add any other trigger warnings you'll have to let me know #I edited this at almost 2am while running on 5 hours of sleep which was a really questionable decision

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rouge-variant · 2 years

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Hello! I loved the fic you wrote for me so I have another Levi Ackerman x femreader request in the canon universe where they're not in a relationship yet and are enemies and he's the usual cold Captain whereas she is his cadet. For the plot, I was thinking of Levi being so annoyed at the reader that he orders her to do a personal expedition with him but he starts to notice that she's not her usual sharp self towards him and then she ends up fainting or something and he has to look after her. Preferably where they're in the middle of a forest somewhere and it's getting dark so he has to set up a camp for them both. Fluff, angst and hurt/comfort would be much appreciated. Hope that's okay, thanks :)

Absolutely!!! I'm so glad that you came back!!! I gave you an ask earlier, asking if you wanted this to be 'enemies to lovers' or 'enemies to friends'. My Tumblr has been glitching so I'm not sure if you saw it or not but you've been waiting for this for too long so I'm sending it now. Let me know if you wanted it changed to enemies to friends! I struggled with writing this one but I still enjoyed it, so let me know if there's anything you wanted changed! Thanks for your request and I hope you enjoy!!!

Levi Ackerman x Y/n: Wrong Idea

Trigger Warning: there will be mentions of fainting and Levi and Y/n being idiot jerks to each other because they don't know what to do with their emotions. Nothing too serious but please keep this in mind while you read.

He hated you and you hated him. How else did it need to be said? It was clear that Levi never wanted you in his space and you never wanted him in your space. Yet Erwin still assigned you to Levi's sqaud, where you have to deal with him. Every. Single. Day.

Last time you checked, you didn't do anything to receive this poor treatment. Levi just decided, 'sure let's be angry at Y/n just because we can' and it pisses you off.

So like an other person would do, you ignored him. You already had constant missions to worry about and you didn't need to have an additional distraction. Since you've been added to Levi's sqaud, you've constantly found him to be critiquing you more than anyone else. You're better with your ODM skills than Oulo. The added pressure hasn't help either. You're a pretty sensitve person under the surface and you take the negativity poorly. As a result, you started training more on your own, often overworking yourself and staying out past curfew which only increases the nagging from Levi.

Your behavior didn't make any sense to Levi. He thought that you were going to back off and start listening to him more after constant punishments and harsh scoldings during training. Yet you still continued to sneak out late and find other ways to piss him off. You were going to get yourself killed one of these days and he didn't need to add another person to the list of soldiers he failed to protect.

This was your fault. It was your fault that he was mixing up his emotions and struggling to get you out of his head during the long night his insomnia kept him up. He's never felt like this before and it scared him. He hated the idea of seeing you go out on a mission and not come home. But you were always so reckless that you created a distraction to him, which is why he constantly was harsh to you. It was the only way he could cope with the confusing emotion that you created.

He planned to end this and get you to stop being a reckless brat. So when the next supply base check in approached, Levi planned to take you alone with him. Maybe once you two were away from the rest of the nosey Scouts, you'll finally tell him what's going on and the problem will be solved.

"What?! Since when have you taken your subordinates individually on missions?" You snapped once Levi had told you the plan. Just what you needed. More one-on-one time with your 'favorite' person. If your words affect him, Levi didn't show.

"We leave at sunrise tomorrow" he responded then dismissed you from his office. You left with a loud slam of his door and made your way back to your room. You were exhausted and dizzy from missing dinner. You knew that you weren't going to be able to keep up to his standards tomorrow, let alone your own but you refused to take a night off of your grueling night training.

The following day, you were ready to go waiting for Levi in the stables. Your horse already tacked up and ready to go. You gave Levi a nod as a greeting and the two of you headed out in silence. You knew the route to the supply base at the old castle ruins well as you often joined Hange when it was their turn to check on it. Levi led his horse ahead of you which you were very grateful for. Your mind was all foggy with exhaustion and your body ached in pain from overexertion due to pushing yourself too hard last night. You used more of your energy to focus on keeping your balance on your horse than focusing n your surroundings which gained Levi's attention.

"Brat have you been listening to me?" He scoffed, startling you out of your haze momentarily.

"Of course I have. I didn't find it interesting enough to keep listening Captain" you sassed and pushed forward. Levi rolled his eyes, giving up the battle for now. He knew something was up, more than usual, but your stubborn self wasn't helping his investigation. He would press more once you finished the initial mission since the remains of the castle were now in sight. You smiled slightly at the sight of the castle as it would give you a break from your captain's presence.

"Give me the list and I'll start the initial inspection," you said after getting off your horse and leaning against them to steady yourself from the sudden dizzy spell that hit. Levi raised an eyebrow at your sudden weakness as you've never had problems getting down from the animal.

"No, I want you waiting here until whatever 'that'," he referred to your unsteadiness, "has passed. I'll start" He ended the conversation and headed into where the Scouts hid their supplies. Once he was out of sight, you mocked him silently and sat against the wooden post that the horses were tied to. You hated the way his concern made your heart flutter. You were supposed to hate him, not act like a lovestruck idiot. Besides, you already felt like crap, you didn't need to throw 'love' into the mix.

Your head started pounding from your exhausted state and you had to fight against your eyelids to stay alert for when Levi returned. This hasn't happened before and the black dots gathering in your eyesight, started to scare you. Maybe you really did push yourself too hard. But Levi would never let you live it down if you ended up passing out on his watch.

"Oi Brat, you're up" the piece of paper was shoved into your hands as Levi suddenly appeared in front of you. His brows furrowed at your slow reaction and he was about to point it out but you got up quickly.

"Took you long en-*ngg*" Yup not your smartest move. The dizziness came back three times worse and suddenly the small black dots became one giant blur as you felt yourself fall.

"Y/N?!" Levi grabbed you and held you against him to break your fall. You were unresponsive as he shifted his hold and lowered you to the ground gently. You were still breathing, much to his relief. But you were in no condition to travel back home. So instead, he picked you up and made his way inside and up to the higher levels of the castle. That way, you both had cover from the Titans come the early morning in case you still didn't wake up by then. He made a makeshift bedroll for you from some of the blankets the supply base had and covered you with his cloak while he started a fire.

"What the hell have you done to yourself Y/n?" he muttered softly so as to not disrupt your sleep. He knew that this was partly on him as well but for now, you waking up was the top thing on his mind. He reached over and moved the stray hair out of your face before letting you be.

"Smart Levi, real smart" he scolded himself for his actions that led to this while he watched the sun finish setting.

It took until midday for you to wake up. This time, feeling far more refreshed than other times. You unwrapped yourself from the blankets but let Levi's cloak on, finding comfort in it, before making your way down to find him. He was with the horses and the minute yours smelt you, it whinnied, getting his attention. You've never seen Levi's face relax, so seeing it now was a complete shock. But it made your heart flutter nonetheless.

"Good to see you finally woke up. Care to explain what happened yesterday?" Levi's voice was demanding but it was gentler than normal. You dropped your gaze as you responded.

"I fainted, what else do you need to know?" you mumbled. Footsteps caused you to lift your head and have his steel eyes bore into yours.

"I need to know the cause behind it...because I know that I'm partially responsible for it" he sighed and it made you relax slightly.

"You think? Took you long enough" you scoffed trying to cover up the vulnerable side you were showing at the moment but his glare quickly made you correct yourself.

"Your scoldings during training have made me feel like you see me as unworthy of being part of your squad, so I've started doing extra training into the evenings to make up for it but I guess I've pushed myself too far" you hated how easily the confession fell out of your mouth. Levi responds with only a nod, leading to several seconds of silence before he speaks up again.

"I see. I should've caught onto that earlier. This was a mistake on my part" that was the closest you've ever heard to Levi apologizing to you were going to take it. You nodded and muttered out a quiet thanks before falling silent again.

"I'm glad to see that you're doing better now. You gave me quite a scare yesterday" he speaks up again, shocking you for the second time. Since when did he finally care about you instead of hating you?

"I've never hated you Y/n" oh crap, you said that out loud didn't you?

"I'm your captain, that itself means that you are under my protection, but lately there's been another reason. One that I'm struggling with understanding is why I treated you the way I did. I'm in love with you Y/n but that scares me. I don't want to see you leave just like everyone else that I've cared for. Losing you is something I don't think I can handle" he rambles and his ears heat up. You, on the other hand, are at a loss for words. He loves you? Captain Levi, the man who you thought hated your guts, is in love with you.

" I am too," you say quietly. If he just confessed to you, then why not do it as well. He was going to find out sooner or later.

"I've only been trying to be someone who you respect in your squad instead of a burden"

"You've always had my respect for your skills. it was your attitude that was the problem" You chuckled at his remark.

"Then maybe this is something we can work on together if you wanted to" you offered and Levi nodded with a softer expression.

"I like that. But for now, let's get you home. I want you getting more rest as soon as we get back" He took your hands and pulled you along gently.

"Aye Captain" You smiled and Levi shook his head.

"Just Levi when we're alone Y/n" he corrected and your smile grew.

"Aye Levi!"

Who would've thought that the two of you both ended up sharing the same feelings? Erwin did, that's why he placed you two together in the first place. He knew that you guys would make it work and he was tired of seeing Levi act like a love-sick idiot all the time, in his own way. Now hopefully this will create more peace and maybe make his friend enjoy life a little more now that Levi has you by his side.

#levi ackerman fluff #aot x reader #levi ackerman x y/n #levi x you #levi ackerman #aot x y/n #levi x reader #drabbles #levi x reader hurt comfort #levi x reader angst #levi Ackerman x Y/n fluff #levi ackerman x reader #Levi ackerman x Y/n

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comfort-comfort-comfort · 3 years

Text

Kankuro

Comfort Headcannons

Hey, I am Rae! Written below is a couple comfort headcanons I wrote. The two links below are the songs I listened to while writing along with the trigger warnings, please read them carefully. Appreciate you!

🚫Reader is experiencing an extended emotional low, gender of reader is not specified, boob/peck mentioned(non`sexualy), and Kankuro has a potty mouth.

Let me know if you think any Trigger Warnings should be added, if it could benefit you or anyone you know, I would love to add them.

💽Dark Read(Slowed) by: Steve Lacy

💽Time Moves Slow by:BadBadNotGood

🛠Kankuro is constantly telling you where he is going to be; Just incase. "Babe, I am going down stairs,- stomp if you need me." He doesn't know what emergency could possibly happen in the minutes or hours he is gone; but if he leaves it to his morbid imagination, it would be terrible. "I'm gonna take a shit, then a nap. Yell if you need me, I could be here in like 3 seconds. Well, make it like 5 and a quarter seconds if I'm still on the pot.-"

🛠His youth was hectic and as a result he is on edge, not in fear of his safety but for your well being. "You going to be alright, or nah?" He whole heartedly thinks he has a sixth sense when it comes to you. You can assure him, you'll be fine, but he think he knows better. You'll catch him making excuses not to go places or do certain things or hang out with certain people. But only his close circle will hear the truth.

🛠"Nope, gonna go home early today, Gaara." He sighs and stuffs his hands in his pockets and leans back on his heals, "No, nothings wrong or anything, just think my Babe is having a bad day." He likes that Gaara and Temari are so invested in your well being and asking questions, "No, they didn't mention anything this morning, but I fuckin know it, somethings wrong, I just got that feeling while we were in the negotiations this morning."

🛠Temari doesn't have the heart to tell him that the feeling is just anxiety and Gaara doesn't know any better.

🛠When he sees you emotional he not surprised but still terrified. Stopping over to where you are, "What's wrong with you?" Grabbing your arms in a gentle but firm grip, lifting them up and over your head so he can inspect them. Rolling down your sleeves, or pulling up the back of your shirt so he can see your spine and shoulder blades. Pulling you along and checking you over the way you would a china doll or a puppet. If you don't respond right away or deny it, he is literally grabbing your leg, bending your knee, and checking your ankles, doing the most.

🛠"Why are you upset?"holding your chin with one hand and feeling the temp of your forehead with the other, before turning your face side to side to look for bruises or cuts. He is whiping your face clean and looking around the house, moving quick."Why the hell didn't you send for me? I could have been here!" Walks around opening random doors and looking around as if a burglar is chilling in your broom closet, or sadness hiding on the top shelf of your pantry.

🛠when you tell him he gets super into it; his reactions are animated and expressive. Every sentence is a cliff hanger for him and he has to react because he wants you to know he is invested in you.

🛠"So, like, what are we gonna do about it?"

🛠He is the type to get upset if the answer is "nothing." Cause there is always a plan in his head, always an obvious answer. 'If this happens we do this' or 'if that happened than we won't do that,' if the head is blown off one of his puppets, he makes the head into a rocket loncher. Boom planed and executed. He is frustrated when he can fix whatever has you down, he is used the being in control and pulling the strings. It scares him to think that your health, happiness, and life's problems can't be solved by a tug of a string.

🛠His childhood was only about bettering his craft and planning ahead so things that aren't logic based always stump him, he doesn't know how to comfort you in every situation. He has close family he can rely on though.

🛠When things are especially difficult for him to understand or respond to he will tell Temari or Gaara, they understand his struggles and could give helpful advise, sometimes.

🛠It can get you in strange situations though, Gaara told him that you releasing frustration could help, and Tamari told him he doesn't spend enough time with you, his sensei said you were being moody and needed more sleep. He didn't agree with any of them, but he tries for you.

🛠He comes home with new plates, picture frames, and pottery. Then strategically works it into conversation that you have too many of A, B, and C; what should you do? He then is like, "Wouldn't it be cool if we, like, smashed all of the old plates? Sounds like fun to me... Who knows, it could help relieve some... frustration... maybe?"

🛠He wants you to know that he still likes you, even when you are unhappy, he and Gaara where shafted as children when they weren't perfectly agreeable. He wants you to know that his love isn't conditional, that is what he is trying to get across to you. Especially when acting out Temari's advice. Instead, what you get is Kankuro suddenly remembering that he hasn't see you in 15minutes, so he is putting down a puppet, sprinting upstairs, and standing in the doorway, all weird like. "Hey, I still love you." He nods to himself, "and I'd still love you if you were a little bit more of an asshole to, just a heads up." He then turns around and goes back down stairs.

🛠He even follows his sensei's advice even though he thought it was stupid. That night and every night for a while he asks, "What's good?" And he wants to hear about every thought you had that day, important ot not. No one was there to listen to him when he was a kid. His father was shit, his sister was struggling herself, and Gaara had the emotional understanding of an infant. He wants to understand you and you understand his thoughts and responses. After the long talk he will ask, "Am I doing this right?"

🛠"Am I doing this how you want?" Should he be nicer? Should he stop trying so hard? Should he stop smothering you? Should he really trust his own instincs? Would it be wrong to hold you now? He has never been close to others the way he is and wants to be with you. He honestly doesn't know, "Is this what you wanted, could you tell me if you needed something else?" Your comfort is his comfort and he wants you to feel better so he can be better.

🛠He takes comfort differently than most but still knows what it should feel like. He will be the big spoon and wrap his arm around you to grab your peck/boob, it is warm, soft to the touch, and he can feel your heartbeat. And if he can do something to take your mind off of the trouble, even for a second, he will. This is something only he can do, something special he earned the right to, something intimate and comfortable. His hand kneads and massages is you in his sleep, as if hes pulling strings.

🛠He complains to his siblings and sensei about how dumb he feels for trusting their strange advice, and they blame him for applying it incorrectly but apologize anyway.

🛠 Gaara sends flowers, Temari sends letters and a meal, Baki sends a half assed apology, but best of all- Kankuro's two nephews send hand made cards. They say strange things like: "Uncle Kank stinks but I hope your happy." Or "Get well soon even if you're not sick"

🛠Kankuro nearly cries over the messages his loved ones send with him, "Listen, I know I'm all shity with feelings but you're loved." He says it quietly, holding you close, whispering it into the shell of your ear, like it is a dirty secret. "yeah, you're loved by a bunch of weirdos, but like, take what you can get."- It isn't a secret, he tells everyone he meets you're his one special person and all of his homicidal family loves you to, and if he didn't say it, people would still know.

🛠probably by the purple face paint slightly smeared off his lips from when he kissed you last, or the practically permanent purple stain on the back of your neck from him cuddling you before his shower.

by: Comfort-comfort-comfort

Thank you for reading, stay safe, and I'd love to hear from you.

#comfort-comfort-comfort #naruto comfort #naruto imagines #naruto x y/n #naruto x you #kankurō #kankuro x reader #kankuro x y/n #kankuro smut #kankuro comfort #gaara x you #gaara of the desert #gaara of the sand #gaara x reader #gaara x y/n #kankuro headcanons #kakuro imagine #kankuro of the sand

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itsthestutterforme · 3 years

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Becoming Mine (Vincenzo)

Summary: Y/N is working with Vincenzo and a loyal ally from Italy. Han seok captures her and tortures her for information. She holds out longer than he hoped and wants her loyalty for himself.//SMUT WARNING, MINORS DNI

Jang Hanseok sent Ms. Choi to get her hands dirty and oversee the torture of Y/N for information. Y/N and Vincenzo grew up in the Mafia together. They taught each other everything.

He has asked Y/N for help with taking down Babel and she said yes without any questions asked. And now she has to suffer the consequences of loyalty.

First they started with electrocution. They tied her to a metal chair and put spark plugs on the back side of the chair. They would send a jolt, each longer than the last. "Go to hell!" She yells at Ms. Choi after the jolt that lasted 20 seconds.

Then they moved on to cutting with the thinnest daggers. Death by a thousand cuts, she always thought it was a cliche thing to use. But hey, to each their own torture method.

Her hair sticks to her forehead and the sides of her neck as he digs his knife across her collar bone. "Fuck!"

Ms. Choi walks into Hanseok's office with a grimace. "What's wrong?" "She's not breaking. She's a lot stronger than I thought." Ms. Choi says, linking her hands behind her back. Hanseok stands from his chair and rounds the desk.

"What tactics have you used?" He asks. "Electrocution, cutting, waterboarding, fire and even bludgeoning and she still tells me to go to hell." Choi rambles.

"I could use someone of her loyalty," Hanseok states. "I want to meet her," he adds. "With all due respect, sir, she'll never agree to that. She's endure days of torture for Vincenzo, she isn't going to give him up or betray him. She's willing to risk her life for him." "Will you risk your life for me?" He asks, searching her face for a response.

"I'll kill anyone you tell me to, sir," "That didn't answer my question. I still want to see her." He says. Ms. Choi drives him to the warehouse where they keep Y/N. She was currently unconscious from the pain she has endured. Hanseok's face grimaced and he says, "You took get your hands dirty a little too literally."

Y/N gasped as she regain consciousness and she groaned softly. She looked up to see Jang Hanseok and he smiles. "Who the hell are you?" She asked before spitting out some blood in her mouth. "Hopefully, I'll be your new boss." He says, stuffing his hands in his pockets. "In your dreams, tough guy." She snarks.

A man punches her across the face and she looked at him with pure annihilation and vexation. That look gave Hanseok butterflies in his stomach. The feeling was beyond the norm and he had no idea what the origin was. She opened her mouth to say something else but Hanseok intercepted.

"Touch her again, and I'll have you thrown off a building." He threatens. Hanseok watched as the man stepped away from her. "You, cut her loose," He adds, pointing to another man.

"Sir, are you sure about this?" Choi asked and he didn't answer. She was cut free and the first thing Y/N grabs is the man's throat before breaking it.

Another man came at her and she ducked under the punch before punching him twice in his armpit before punching his throat. She limps over to the table where her weapons were and grabbed her smaller knives.

She tossed them in the air and within seconds, three men dropped dead with the knives in their skulls. Which only left Ms. Choi and Jang Hanseok.

She grabs a gun from one of the corpses and aimed it at them. "Tell me why I shouldn't kill you both," "Do that and my men sets that entire plaza on fire with everyone inside."

"I'm calling your bluff lady, you're just trying to save your ass because you know that I'll put bullet in your head without blinking," she says as she cocks the gun and applies steady pressure on trigger.

"Wa-" she pulls the trigger and sends a bullet straight through Ms. Choi's head. Hanseok chuckles wryly before saying, "Now I'm in need of a new lawyer and strategist," he says, his hands still stuffed in his pockets.

"Who are you?" "The CEO of Babel," he answers nonchalantly. "So you're the one who started all this,"

"Well I can't take all the credit. She had her fair share," he says, referencing to Ms. Choi. Red dots appear on Y/N chest and she notices. "I have this place surrounded. One move to shoot me and you'll get shot to pieces. Just take the easy way and work for me. It'll be a lot of fun." "Right, like killing innocent people is fun,"

"It seems like you enjoy killing people." "Only those who deserve it," she snaps. "Regardless of your intentions, my guys wills drop you before you can fire. Question is, do you want to live and be treated like a queen?"

She doesn't respond and he adds, "Or I can kill both you and your mother. She loves to visit a little shop in.. Siena, right? What's it's called again?"

Her grip tightens on the gun before tossing it across the room. "Kill her and I promise to kill you and every single one of your sponsors," "Looks like you and I have more in common than we thought. Come on, let's get you cleaned up." He walks out of the warehouse and she hesitantly follows.

Y/N's POV

You sigh softly as you stepping into the cold, crisp in contrast of the warm, misty air in bathroom. You had pulled your hair into a loose ponytail before you put on Hanseok's shorts and t-shirt. You hate to say it, but his clothes were extremely comfortable. He promised to take me out shopping tomorrow for clothes.

"I didn't know what you liked so I bought everything," he says, referencing to the various plates of food on the kitchen counter. Your eyes settle on kimchi jiagae and you make your way over to the table.

You a grab a few bowls to try some of the kimchi jiagae, bulgogi, dakdoritgang, dakgangjeong and mixed rice. You set them on the tray sit on the pillow he prepared for you.

"You like spicy food, huh?" He says and you nod. "Yeah, my brother likes spicy food too." You wait until he comes back with his tray of food to dig in. You hum lowly as you eat your bulgogi and you feel a hand touch my chin. You pull away and look at him with confused.

"What the hell are you doing?" "I'm sorry, I just.. you look.. you're beautiful," "If you think that you can someone convince me into sleeping with you, you have another thing coming,"

"What? I can't appreciate your beauty without something in return?" He asks innocently. "Hell no," you sneer. He chuckles before saying, "I'm going to have some fun with you."

Over the next few weeks, he has bought you a whole new wardrobe, shoes and jewelry. He's even made sure my hair and nails are done with complementary spa days.

He's been pampering you ever since you were a part of his life. You've been enjoying it but you've developed a sense of waiting for the other shoe to drop.

It also raises questions. Why did he choose you? How long will this pampering thing last? Is your mom still held hostage? What is he planning on doing with Vincenzo?

"Hey, kitten." You roll your eyes at his new pet name for you. You have no idea where he got it from because you are nothing like a kitten. You were playful or adventurous, but you were high maintenance.

"How many times do I have to tell.." you trail off as you see him in a light blue three piece suit with white leather shoes. His hair was combed to the side with gel and you could smell his cologne from where you sat.

"Why are you dressed like that?" "Do you like it?" He say, nearing you slowly. "No," you lie and he smiles at you. "You sure about that?" He leans his hands on either side of you and ducked his head to be at your eye level. "I bought you a matching dress. Get dressed, we leave in an hour."

He nudges his nose against yours before leaving the room and leaving you hot and bothered. Ever since you walked in on him lifting weights without his shirt, your mind came up with various, filthy scenarios that made your panties soaked.

You stand up from the chair and walked into the bedroom to see a goregous silk, light blue dress with diamond seam around the midrange of the stomach.

You take a shower and apply your favorite lotion and perfume before you slide on the dress. You latch on the sparkly, light blue heels. You put on your robe and sit down to apply some foundation, highlight and mascara on to your face.

You were just about to clip your hair up and leave a few curls out but you hear Hanseok say, "Leave your hair down." You look at him through the mirror to see him leaning his arm on the door frame, pulling his dress shirt taught around his solid biceps. He eyes you with a soft smile on his face. "You look beautiful," he says as he nears you once again.

"I know." You stand up and meet him half way across the room. "Shall we?" He says , offering you his arm. "Let's just get this night over with,"

You two return at one in the morning and you were infuriated. He spent the whole night flirting with random women at the gala. "You make no sense to me, Jang Hanseok." You say, taking off your earring and tossing them on the dresser.

"What makes you say that?" He asks, sitting on the bed to take off his shoes. "You pamper me with all these gifts, clothes, jewelry to convince me to stay in your life and then you spend the entire night flirting with every one you could lay your eyes on." You snap.

He takes off his vest with a sigh and loosens his tie. "I wanted to see if you cared. Cared about me and my attention." "Well, do you?" He adds. "If I didn't care, do you think I would have said anything?" You snap.

He grabs the back of your neck and pulls you inches away from his face. He tightens his grip and says through gritted teeth, "I've had enough of your attitude, just answer the question."

"I just did." His fingers dig into you neck enough to cause discomfort but not enough to break skin. "Do you care about me?" He asks. "Unfortunately, yes." "Why unfortunately?" "It only makes it harder to-" "

"To betray me?" You push his hand away and say, "What the hell makes you think of something like that? I was going to say it makes it harder to say no but you always think everyone is out to get you. It should be me asking the qu-"

He stops your rant by slamming his lips on yours. One hand rests on the back of your head and the other smooths over the dip of your back.

Your fingers work on unbuttoning his shirt as you walk him onto the bed. He sits on the edge and pulls you into his lap. You pull his shirt off his shoulder and leave kisses up his chest in it's wake.

He moans softly and you could feel his hard on press against your inner thigh. You tug the rest of his shirt off and push his back on the bed. You buck your hips against him and a soft whine leaves his lips.

You quiet him by tenderly biting down on his bottom lip. His lips latched onto yours and presses your core harder against him.

He pulls your hair gently to evade your attention from his lips. He rolls you on you stomach and stands. "Han seok, what are you-" he rips the dress open from the back, making you yell out in surprise.

"Damn it, I liked that dress." "There's plenty more where that came from kitten," he smooths his hands up the back of your legs and squeezes your ass.

You pull off the rest of your mangled dress, leaving you in your white lace set. "And don't you dare rip-" he rips the lace underwear in two and pulls you so your knees are on the edge of the bed. "I'm going to kill you, Han seok."

"I've been wanting to get a taste of you since I set my eyes on you." You let out a squeak when you feel his hot breath agaisnt your core.

You've never been in the position before so you have no idea what the expect. He licks up the stripe with slow, deep licks, each lick lasting longer on your clit. "Oh God," you grip the sheets with a white knuckle grip when he curls his tongue along the upper wall and caresses a g-spot. Your legs started to shake and loud moans leave your lips when he slips in two fingers and curled them hard.

You tried crawling away from him, feeling overwhelmed of the pleasure but he holds you back by your thighs. With a few more licks, you release yourself on his tongue and he hums with satisfaction.

"You taste a lot better than I thought, baby." Your body already started to twitch and you could tell that this was going to be a long night.

You roll onto your back and chills roll down your spine when you see him licking your juices off of his fingers. Pushing yourself backwards, he pulls you closer to him by your ankles. "Han seok, please. It's too much."

"You're doing great, kitten. Just relax and let it wash over you." He says softly, pecking your lips before settling himself between your legs once again.

He spreads your legs wide before he sucks on your clit harder and faster than the first time, sending shock waves through your body. "Fuck! Oh my God!"

Looking down at him, he locks eyes with you and he completely devours your bundle of folds. He alternate between licking side to side and up and down with a curl of his tongue.

Your back arches and stars cloud your vision as you come down from your second high. He pulls away from you with his lower face covered in your juices. "Come here," he lifts your trembling body and dropping it into his lap. He smooths his hands over your ass before unbuckling his dress pants.

He pulls down his boxers and his erection stands up tall, making your whimper. He's going to destroy you. "I'll be gentle," he whispers, lifting your chin to meet his gaze.

You nod your head in agreement and lines himself up at your entrance. Throwing your head back as your walls expand and contract around him. You wrap your arms around him and bury your face into his neck and he bounces you in his lap.

Time slows a few seconds when you meet his gaze. "Oh God," you chant as the knot intensified in your stomach. "I'm close, Han seok."

His lips locked with yours and your boys jolts forward when his thumb rubs hard circles on your clit. Your entire body spasms as he cums inside of you but he continued to rub circles until you came.

He stayed buried inside of you while you sat in his lap as you both catches your breaths. Resting his forehead against yours, he says, "I love you. You believe me what I say that, right?"

You nod and holds the sides of your face. "Say it," "I love you," "Good girl," he pulls out of you and slides you both under the covers.

You lay directly ontop of him with a thin sheet covering the both of you, sighing as he draws circles on your back.

#kdrama fanfic #vincenzo #kdramas #smut

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bat-eclecticwolfbouquet-love · 3 years

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Do you have any type of writing tips? When I write most of the times I get lazy other times my wording isn't good enough and nearly nobody notices my work or bothers to read it. All of this resulted in me deleting everything I wrote. Since your writing is so good. I just wanted know if you have any sort of advice?

I'm flattered that anyone would ask me for tips. I'm sorry you are feeling like this but I get it. My writing needs so much improvement but let's see.

1. Pace yourself. Do not burn out. I know alot of times people will post so much at once and it will kill your enthusiasm.

2. Don't try to please everyone, you can't. Wriye from the heart of well what's be5ween your legs if you do smut. Chances are if it turns you on it will others.

3. Make sure to tag your stuff. For instance I use the most popular tags (Shigaraki x reader Shigaraki tomura x reader tomura Shigaraki x reader Shigaraki smut mha fic. Make sure you are tagging things that are triggers but do these last. That way the character tag will show up.

4. Don't be in a hurry to post. Read it over several times then let it sit cause I guarantee you'll see something you could of changed.

5. I usually start by making a very rough draft that bullet points all the main ideas I want to do. Then go back and add more. And keep doing that. When your done proof read several times.

6. I have a cheat sheet of words or phrases I like (literary 9 docs full) so I'll go through there and put them in the draft somewhere to see if I can add them later.

7. Jot down any inspiration you get during the day. That's when my best ideas are scense come to me, at work, so I would quickly type them up.

8. Read other fics. You may see a term or a way of describing something that you like just make sure to not straight out copy it.

9. It helps to get reblogs by other writing accounts. I only reblog Shigaraki stuff on my blog but if you write for him I'd be happy to reblog. Reblogs are life on here and are not done enough.

10. Don't compare yourself to others. I do this. Tumblr is not really popular and declining. I've seen great fics get no attention. My stuff use to easily get over 300 in 2 days now it takes a month. I see other writers who use to get 1000s in a week get 200.

11. DO NOT FORCE IT. Let the writing flow. If you have to force it people can tell and write what you want. Just know people want it to apply to them so describing has to be vague and it can be difficult although for me I can easily read a fic with flat chested or chubby reader and change it in my head to a busty girl like me so I'm never offended but alot are

12. Don't use the same word all the time. I'd your writing cock everytime (in the same fic) it gets old use different terms (dick hardness length etc)

13. Check spelling and grammar. There are apps but you can have someone proof read. I'm so bad at not proof reading. Feel free to ask people for help as well.

14. Use readmires on long fics and put warnings at the start as well.

If I think of anything else I'll add to this and if anyone wants to add something please do. I hope you see this and it helps. 💖

#tumblr advice #writing tips #anon help

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ghost-nabbers-imagines · 5 years

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👶 The baby is mine isnt it? Larry x reader

Ok so two things about this request. One, this is Larry's I have one started for Sal but really wanted to get this one up And two, a trigger warning is in effect. And in both instances the husband or boyfriend is an asshole who does not treat you well but it's going to be bad in Sal's.

Larry

I never meant to be the kinda guy who slept with another man's girlfriend. People who cheated on their partners were assholes and I wasn't like that. However, Sebastian was worse than any other asshole I've ever met. I've always thought he treated (Y/n) terribly and that she deserved better. I mean the guy treated her like shit, he was constantly poking fun at her, and making her feel bad about herself.

The day the affair happened she showed up at my door crying about how he had apparently cheated on her with a friend of his. We spent the night at my place hanging out like always except we got a bit too drunk and ended up having sex. It was the best sex I'd ever had with anyone and I knew that my love for her was genuine. I thought she felt the same way about me, I thought she would leave him and finally be mine. But I was so wrong.

She all but promised me she was leaving him that they were done. She told me she was leaving him for good this time, but a month later they were back together and she was avoiding me all together. I noticed she was different after that, more closed off, distant, almost scared. It was two months after that Ashley informed us that (Y/n) was pregnant. The news broke my heart and shocked me to my core.

It took me two weeks to get fed up with my feelings and to tell myself I had to to confront her about it. Pulling my hood up over my messy brown hair I trudged down the snow covered pavement. My hands were trembling and my mouth was dry, not because of the weather but from nerves to how she'd be towards me. Had I become a dirty secret that she wanted to hide away? Did she lie when she said she'd always felt that way?

As I knocked on her door a million ways this could go wrong flashed through my head. 'Shes pregnant with his baby what are you doing here?' My head practically screamed at me. Before I could turn and run the lock clicked and the door opened. (Y/n) peaked her head through the door her eyes widening when she saw me. She stepped out into the hallway closing the door.

"Hey Larry."

"Hey really that's all you have to say?"

"I'm sorry I know this is hard to understand right now but please try and believe me I'm doing what's best."

"I thought you were leaving him but now all of a sudden your pregnant?"

"Larry I wanted to leave I did but the baby changed things."

"Did you know you were pregnant when we slept together?"

"N-no I swear I-"

"And what about how much we drank that night? Did you tell the doctor you had gotten drunk within the first month?"

"Larry-"

"No please explain to me how you could be so damn careless. Not just to me but to the baby. And with everything you've told me about that jackass how could you want to raise a kid with him? Do you seriously think he'll get any better? For fucks sake (Y/n) are you really gonna let him treat your kid that bad?"

I truly didn't want to be yelling at her but I couldn't help it I was angry and hurt. Silent tears were cascading down her cheeks falling to the floor. Part of me wanted so badly to wrap my arms around her and stop her tears but the other part of me was focused on the pain in my chest. She didn't bother to wipe her tears away till the door clicked open again. Sebastian stepped out a frown already plastered on his face.

He glared at me in a way animals look at their rivals. It took every ounce of strength I had to not pounce on him, however whether I liked it or not he was still the father of her child. She would need him and that almost angered me even more. "What's going on here?" He asked putting his arm around (Y/n)'s shoulders making her flinch. I clenched my jaw shut balling my hands up into fists in my hoodie pockets.

"Nothing. I was just leaving." I scoffed turning to leave. "Wait Larry please." (Y/n) pleaded in a broken voice making me stop in my tracks. "Yeah. Larry (Y/n) hasn't told you the good news yet." He said in an odd voice. I turned to face the two, (Y/n) was looking away fresh tears pooling in her eyes. He had a boastful smile as he lifted up her left hand revealing a small diamond ring.

I like a sharp knife had pierced right into my heart at the sight. (Y/n) couldn't face me but she had tears falling down her face again. "We're engaged. Right after graduation we're getting married and then moving to Santa Fe with my mom." He informed me. "Congrats. You deserve each other really." I spat turning to leave their building. I felt numb but also broken as I made my way home.

What was the point of any of this any more? The girl I'd been in love with since fifth grade was pregnant and engaged to another man. I had truly lost her for good. I hated thinking I had become just another regret to her. Our drunken one night stand was nothing but that to her while I had hoped it would be the first of many times I'd get to be intimate with the girl i loved.

With slumped shoulders and silent tears I made my way into the apartments. Sal would be with Ashley so I knew I could get what I needed from his apartment. I grabbed the bottle of pills petting Gizmo on my way out. Next I went out to the treehouse turning on some of my favorite music taking a seat in a bean bag chair. I sat pondering the whole situation while staring at the bottle of pills now sitting on my shelf.

"She chose him over you." The voice in my head whispered. I squeezed my eyes shut trying to focus on the lyrics and drown out the voice. "They're going to get married, and have their baby and you'll just be a bad memory she wants to forget." The voice continued. I cranked up the music louder pressing my hands to my ears but it was no use. The voice was in my head, and unfortunately it was right.

Finally giving in I quickly scratched a note for mom and Sal. Once it was finished I began taking the pills followed by a swig of Fireball I kept up in my treehouse. I didn't cry or feel angry it was like something inside me was urging me to continue to take the pills. I made sure to include an apology about taking the pills to Sal in my note. Pretty soon there was only a small amount of pills left and I was feeling almost relieved.

As I took the last pill I leaned back in my beanbag chair my eyes landing on a Polaroid of (Y/n) and I. It had been taken by Sal just two weeks before the affair. Despite the drowsiness overwhelming me I picked up the picture a sad weak smile on my face. (Y/n) had a really bad day at school between Sebastian being a dick and apparently having her period, she ended up borrowing my jacket so she could tie her jacket around her waist. That's when it clicked in my head.

I tried to do the math in my head but I was slipping into unconsciousness quicker than I could add. The world began to get darker and darker. The last thing I saw before I passed out was (Y/n)'s beautiful face. I felt like such an idiot. Now both my girl and my baby would be stuck with that monster.

The next thing I knew I was standing across from my own corpse. "No! No I take it back! I'm not ready! I don't want to die!" I screamed at my slumped over body. Black opaque tears began to fall from my eyes never landing on the floor but disappearing mid air. "No you asshole! The babys yours! Wakeup and go save them before it's too late!" I yelled at my corpse. It was too late, I'd truly lost them both for good now because of my issues.

"Larry dear dinner is ready!" I heard my mom call from the ground. My poor mom would he the one to find me rather than Sal or anyone else. I felt even guiltier for leaving my mom alone. First my dad disappears on her now I kill myself? I felt selfish for leaving so may people behind.

"I'm so sorry mom." I whispered unmaterializing so she wouldnt see me. I stood there and listened as she called me once more still not getting any response. She began climbing the treehouse ladder mumbling something if I was asleep up here in this weather she'd kick my ass. My ghostly tears quickened hearing my mom's voice. When she reached the top of she immediately noticed the bottles and my body.

"Oh no oh god! Larry!" She screamed tears falling down her face. She kneeled next to my body her hand reaching up to feel my forehead. I could practically still feel her warmth but she felt how cold my body was. "Someone help! Please oh god be ok Lar Bear!" She screamed through sobs. She turned me on my side trying to get me to vomit.

Henry came running out to the bottom of the treehouse. "Lisa what is it what's wrong?" He asked in the same panicked voice Sal has sometimes. My mom tried and failed getting me to throw up the pills. "Call 911 Henry hurry!" She sobbed. Henry shakily pulled out his phone and ordered for an ambulance to come quickly before joining my mom in the treehouse.

"Oh no Larry." He said in a saddened voice as he knelt down next to mom who was cradling my head in her lap sobbing and taking her fingers through my hair. "My poor Lar bear." She choked out. I kneeled next to them placing my hand on my mom's shoulder making her turn and face where I was confused. I knew she wasnt ready to see me yet but I kept my hand there till the sirens came.

I watched from the treehouse as the loaded my body into a bag and into an ambulance. My mom and Henry went with a couple officers leaving me alone. After rematerializing I debated going into the actual apartments and talking to Megan but before I could I heard someone shouting my name. "Larry? Larry! Did you think that was funny? Because it was a really sick fucking joke." Sal's shaky voice yelled. I looked down to see him climbing up the treehouse.

Taking a deep breath I stood back preparing to deal with a very hurt best friend. When he got up to the treehouse he was shaking and had clearly been crying before. His eyes wondered up and down my ghost form seeing that it was in fact not a joke. "No. Not you. How could do this? How could you leave?" He said through a sob. "I'm sorry Sally Face. I left you and my mom a note. I went to see (y/n) today and Sebastian said they were getting married and moving so I lost it. I felt broken so I came back here to do this." I explained.

He shook his head sadly using his sleeve to wipe under the prosthetic. "I'm sorry Sal the voices got to me. By the time I realized the truth it was too late." I said apologizing. "Realized what truth?" He asked confused. "I found that picture the one you took remember?" I explained pointing towards the picture.

Despite being hurt and angry he leaned down grabbing the Polaroid. "Yeah that's the day you spent like all night cheering up (Y/n) and making her smile as much as you possibly could." He said confused as to why this was important. "Do you remember why I had to give (Y/n) my hoodie even though she's got a flannel around her waist?" I asked pointing to her in the picture. Sal went to speak but before he did his eyes got wide and he looked up to me.

"Oh my god dude!" He yelled shocked. "I know. I'm an asshole and now I'm no better than my dad." I said sadly. For along time I had a constant battle in my head about why my dad had left and why he didnt want me. Now here I was abandoning my baby and (Y/n). It made me hate myself even more to think about.

"But Larry you have to stop her from going!"

"How the hell do I do that when I'm stuck here? Not to mention, what would I say 'oh hey i know I'm dead and all but since you're pregnant with my baby you should stay in town and not marry that fuck head of a boyfriend of yours."

"You have to do something Larry. I mean she can actually see you and the baby will able to too."

"You're right as always little dude. Just hopefully she'll come over here after I was so horrible."

Not even minutes later we could here someone calling for both Sal and I. The voice was sad and scared but i recognized it immediately. "Go ahead hide for a second I'll try to break it to her." Sal said. I nodded unmaterializing as Sal and I made our way down from the treehouse it seemed like I could only go as far as the ground underneath the treehouse. The sight of (Y/n) almost hurt worse than that of my mom.

Her eyes were red and puffy and she had tear streaks down her slightly pink cheeks. She had a hand on her stomach the other clutching the necklace that had been a birthday present from me. I'd recognize the guitar pick anywhere it had been one I'd gotten at a Santiy's fall concert that she'd been to sick to go to. "Tell me it's not true Sal. Tell me it wasnt him." She pleaded crying. Sal pulled off his mask before comfortingly grabbing one of her hands.

"I'm so sorry (Y/n). But you should know he loved you so much." Sal said as she gradually lost it more at his words. She began shaking her head her other hand covering her mouth. "No! No no it's not true it's not true!" She cried out sinking to the ground. My heart ached and screamed for me to hold her but I knew I couldn't yet. Sal crouched down next to her placing a gentle hand on her back.

"(Y/n) do you remember what Larry and I told you about this place. About how we showed you Megan?" He asked trying to ease her into the subject. She looked up sniffling thinking for a brief minute. "About the ghosts? I thought we made all that stuff up." She said tears still falling down her precious face. Sal shook his head before answering "it was all real Megan was real. If you die in this building you stay here. Larry is still here." He told her. She let out another small sob.

"Where is he?" She asked looking towards the treehouse. I took a deep breath and materialized making her eyes widen in shock and she stood up quickly. "I'll give you some time alone." Sal said excusing himself. I turned my stare to the ground I couldn't look at her knowing what I had done. "Oh Larry. I'm so sorry this is all my fault." She said sadly. I finally looked up at her meeting her sad eyes.

"No I'm sorry. I was an asshole. A jealous fucking asshole and I'm so sorry."

"Larry theres something you should know. About-"

"The babys mine isnt it?"

She nodded and I felt myself begin to weep again. I fell to my knees the pain of this whole situation hitting me again. She moved in front of me and I wrapped my arms around her waist letting my head barely lean against her stomach. Her arms hovering around my neck. I sobbed into her stomach till I felt something gently nudge my cheek.

I looked up to face (Y/n) confused but she gave me a weak smile moving my hand to her stomach placing hers next to mine. "She's kicking." She whispered. Sure enough I felt the smallest little nudge once again. My face broke out into a grin. "She? I have a daughter?" I asked happily. She nodded giggling "Yes Larry we're gonna have a little girl."

My grin only got bigger as I stood up pulling her into as much of a hug as I could manage. "I fucking love you (y/n). I know i can't really be what you need considering I'm a ghost but I want to be a part of your life and our little girl's life." I told her pulling away from the hug but continuing to hold her hands. When I looked down I saw her hand no longer had a ring. "I want that too bear. I told Sebastian earlier it was over. That I wanted to be with my baby's actual father. He yelled and threatened me but I had already packed up my stuff and left. I was heading here when the ambulances passed me. I asked someone out front and they told me the young stoner Overdosed in the treehouse." She said frowning. "I'll have Sal fix my note to mom so she knows about you." I told her knowing despite my moms broken heart she would love to take care of her grandbaby and sort of daughter in law.

"Does Lisa know about any of this? Or about you still being here?" She asked. "No I haven't talked to her about it yet. She asked why you weren't coming over anymore I just told her you were back with him. And I dont think shes ready to see me just yet." I explained making her nod her head. Sal came back out his prosthetic back on but I could tell he too had been crying. "Hey Sal can you grab my note from the treehouse I need to have you change something." I asked smiling at my best friend. He smiled back climbing the treehouse before returning with the note and a pen.

"Tell my mom what happened, that I thought I was losing them both and how much I really longed for (y/n) to be mine and the baby to be mine. And add that Henry was the best step dad I could have asked for." I told him. He scribbled everything down as close to my handwriting as he could get before folding the note back up. "(Y/n) you can stay with me tonight if you'd like and go to Lisa's tomorrow." Sal told (Y/n). She turned back towards me smiling softly. "I'd ask to stay in the treehouse with you but I take it you won't want me climbing up there and everything. I laughed shaking my head. "I'll be watching over you dont worry." I promised.

~your pov~

The next morning I made my way down to Lisa's apartment with a lasagna I had picked up the stuff to have Sal help with. From the outside of the door I could hear Lisa's soft crying coming from inside. Taking a deep breath I knocked on the door. After a couple minutes the door opened to reveal Henry. "You hang out with the boys, (Y/n) right?" He asked observing my growing belly. I forced myself to nod with a smile before answering "Yeah Hi Mr. Fisher. I wanted to bring this by for Lisa."

A moment later Lisa appeared next to Henry. "(Y/n) sweetheart come in." She sniffled offering me a broken smile. Henry let me in and took the lasagna to the kitchen for me. Lisa pulled me into a hug holding me tightly. She was wearing her pajamas but with one of Larry's jackets on. "He loved you so much dear I hope you know that." She said with a small sob.

"I know Lisa. I loved him too. I'm so sorry this is my fault. If I had just told him the truth about the baby, or if I hadn't been so scared of Sebastian he'd still be here. I'm so so sorry." I choked out feeling myself break down into tears again. Lisa pulled away pushing some of my hair back. "Now dont you talk like that Larry wouldn't want you blaming yourself or stressing about his actions. We'll all miss him of course but he wouldnt want you to be in so much pain in this state. He loved you and if you're saying what I think you are he would have loved this baby too. It's not your fault you were in an impossible situation." She told me sternly. I nodded trying to wipe away some of the tears. "The babys a girl. I wanted so badly to go tell Larry when I found that out. But Sebastian said if I talked to him there wouldn't be a baby to talk about." I admitted making Lisa frown before smiling and putting a comforting arm around me as we sat on the couch.

"Where are you staying dear?" She asked taking a sip from a mug on the coffee table. "I stayed with Sal last night once I found out about Larry. I was coming over here to talk to him about our baby but I got here too late." I sniffled. I pulled the picture from my pocket, I had brought a copy of the ultrasound picture for Lisa. She smiled grabbing the picture. "Is this her?" She asked. I nodded smiling at the picture of my daughter and her granddaughter.

"I hope she has Larry's eyes." I sighed. "Hopefully she doesn't have his nose. My father gave him that nose and he hated it. I cant imagine it's a trait he'd want to pass on." Lisa said with a pained laugh. "Oh god yeah. I kinda hope she does. It'd be like having a little Larry running around." I laughed. "What if you moved into Larry's room? I couldn't stand the idea of getting rid of his things or donating any of it." She suggested looking up from the photo. "Are you sure I dont want to impose Lisa especially with everything that's happened." I asked. She shook her head smiling. "Of course dear. I could use more family right now." She smiled.

~Third person pov~

Over the next couple months you lived happily with Lisa helping her around the house while she helped you with baby stuff. You spent most of your time after school hanging out with Larry in the treehouse. Sal and Lisa went with you to your appointments. Sal would take his walkie and let Larry listen in each time. Of course when you'd get back you'd go straight to him and talk to him about it anyways. As the baby was born and got older Larry was an amazing father in your opinion. He was always there for you and your child.

~Lex💛

#larry johnson sally face #larry johnson #larry johnson x reader #sally face imagines #sally face #sal fisher #sally face x reader #sally face oneshots

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