#if i don't write niche stuff i'll die

[leavinghell]

watching lovers part

haitani ran/hanma shuji

4.4k ; rated e ; genderswap + roommates au

Shuji doesn’t cry, but Ran could make her. Anything Shuji doesn’t do, Ran could talk and lure and fuck her into it. A testament to how much Shuji loved her. But testaments expire as love runs out, and now that things don’t serve Ran benefits anymore she no longer sees the point of letting Shuji stay aside from personal sentiment.

read here

[imptwins]

Why making any concessions to puritan rhetoric is a bad idea

(note for the uninitiated: 'anti' is short for 'anti-shipper', 'anti-ship', or 'anti-fan'; in this context it refers to people who get very vocally militant about opposing dark kinks/problematic ships in media, especially creative fandom spaces. Proship is simply the opposite, people who vocally believe people should be free to make/indulge in whatever as long as a line is drawn between fiction and reality.)

(note 2: this was written for cohost, i cbf rewording it lol)

I very often see people - both websites and individuals - making a concession to the people who come up to them yelling about problematic kinks and guilt by association and 'why didn't you block this person' blah blah blah. It's happened with a few BNFs (big-name fans) in the UTDR scene lately, I've seen it from artists I respect, from friends, hell I used to be in this camp myself. And, of course, it happened to this website about a year back, and the conversation has come up again recently due yet another tumblr exodus.

It makes sense. The most common stuff that antis go after is stuff very few people are into: lolisho/cub, ferals, heavy gore, heavy noncon. It's niche, the real-world applications are unquestionably vile, it's very easy to just say 'I also find this icky regardless of whether I really believe that all people into it are secret criminals, so, I'll just block the people who they say are bad and move on.' I can't tell you the amount of times I've seen someone respond to proship/antiship discourse with "I'm an adult with a job." Going to bat for this content is high risk, low reward. You're not going to make friends, you're going to lose them. YOU WILL LOSE SUBSCRIBER, etc. As a result of all this it's very easy to assume that anyone defending it must be into it.

But I'm not. I'm a writer who often deals with darker subjects, but most of the first-on-the-list anti stuff, I'm not into at all. I'm not into ferals or gore period, noncon I like purely as character exploration, lolisho I can enjoy from the perspective of what I call 'trauma repair.' There's probably a proper term for it. But the tl;dr is I've never been actively aroused by any of these things, not in fantasy and especially not otherwise. Whenever I write them, it's just fascination or character analysis. Whenever I have a 'this character can be any age you want' fic, in my head, they're 18+. Writing noncon is a weird challenge for me because I'm constantly battling with the alternate ending in my head where the victim breaks free, beats the shit out of their captor, etc. This isn't me trying to claim virtue through this, just stating my position.

So… Why do I go to bat for these things? Why do I get annoyed when websites block lolisho, when artists have 'proship DNI' in their bio, etc? It's lost me a couple friends, it's certainly cost me followers and general reach, it's gotten me blocked by countless people I respected the work of. It's earned me a few callout posts, multiple with 1k+ followers, and one particular obsessed stalker who tells anyone who will listen that I actually groomed a child (despite all evidence otherwise). It's caused me a really significant amount of trouble. Why die on this hill?

The answer's kind of simple, when you boil it down: fictional fantasies either affect reality, or they don't. This is why I go to bat for things I'm not into, but it's also why whenever you see someone making concessions to antis, it's never enough. Cohost banned lolisho last year (I believe it's still banned?? Unclear), but the antis still make constant callout posts about this site and its owners. Some of the team have even gone out of their way to state very firmly that they're against these things, they've gone above and beyond just 'ban the bad thing' and broadcast their views about the morality of it. You'll frequently see artists write some huge apology or clarification when a callout post hits, usually involving some variation of 'I do not condone x y z and think it's disgusting.'

It's never enough.

But it makes sense, when you think about it. By drawing a line, you have essentially agreed with the core angle of the people screaming at you: that a fictional fantasy affects reality. That it's dangerous. You will, by necessity, now have people start to work down the list. Incest, ferals, gore, noncon, sure. Any relationship with any kind of skewed power dynamic. Sibling-coded, minor-coded, postminor nonsense. All of these things are less easily agreed to than lolisho, I've seen countless porn artists concede with the core idea that lolisho is immoral, then they act like it's unreasonable that people just keep going until they're being told that a knot on a furry is bestiality, or a 23 year old dating an autistic 21 year old is pedophilia. These are genuine examples of things I've seen people dogpiled for. Seriously look up "postminor" if you want to see how bad this can get, on top of being absurd it's one-for-one the kind of gross ableist shit that Autism Speaks gets into.

But YOU AGREED TO THEM. You agreed with the core concept, that the fantasy must reflect reality. Of course they're going to keep demanding more; by the logic you used to agree with them, you are doing immoral things. If fictional lolisho is immoral, so are the rest of them. It's way easier to look at your average pic on baraag or inkbunny and go 'oh, eugh, vile,' but at the end of the day the cutesy played-for-laughs sleeping kiss, the dubcon bondage that you don't call dubcon, or the meet-cute where they're a bit too drunk, they're all immoral fantasies.

That's not even to get into non-sexual stuff. If the lolisho fantasy is wrong, so is running down civilians in GTA. Suddenly your notifs are full of 16 year-old Jack Thompsons with rainbow flags in their bios.

This really is an all-or-nothing debate. If fictional fantasies affect reality, then even the immoral fantasies that you're personally comfortable with, the cutesy coy playful ones, must be immoral. If fictional fantasies don't affect reality, then even the ones that make you uncomfortable, the ones that have you scrambling to close your browser in case the feds are looking, must be fine.

It should have become very obvious over the last decade that you cannot fence-sit on this. There's a huge internal disagreement going on among progressive/queer/compassion-minded people, on whether these kind of things affect reality, or whether they don't. You can learn to apathetically dismiss stuff that squicks you, or you can learn to sanitize everything you ever make so there's not a trace of contentious theming left. Immoral fantasies are immoral, or only immoral actions are immoral.

You're going to have to pick one.

[tagedeszorns]

What's boring you about the fandom? Sorry to hear you're struggling with that at the moment.

Just wanted to say though, it is normal to go through stages of fixation and ambivalence, especially if it feels like you might have plumbed the most exciting depths of your preferred niche. (I have felt like that so many times in other fandoms lol...) Maybe it's worth exploring other parts of the fandom, you might find something that ignites your passion again. Alternatively, if you need a break or feel the need to branch out, do it. The fandom will still be here when you feel like engaging again.

(Also, if you feel like it sometime, please tell us more about your minis and joytoy figs. Are they named? Do they have backstories?)

I'm not bored. I'm just having a severe "old man yells at cloud"-moment, like I do semi-regularly. 😉

When I came to the Tumblr-branch of Warhammer-fandom it felt so very exciting - artists and writers regularly got 80 to over 100 notes in a few days on their texts and pics (not just memes and/or shitposts, mind you! The real stuff!) - and not just likes, a lot of reblogs, comments and so much discussion! So many HC were developed here for everybody to see and to participate.

But this all changed. No fire nation, though.

I'm getting a bit tired of saying it over and over myself, but in my opinion it still is true: Discord is slowly killing fandom-permanence. Discord isn't good for conserving things. Ideas vanish. Pics get consumed like fast food and digested just as fast, leaving no nutritional value for viewer or artist. Thoughts get lost, because they wander down the chat-drain and vanish into nothing. HCs get no engagement, fade and die.

The slow, ugly decay of Twitter didn't help. A lot of new people not getting how Tumblr is supposed to be played and take the easy way out to Discord, too.

A Tumblr-blog is a very intimate showcase of a person's journey as a fan. It's like a geological slice of their interests and thoughts. I love that. I want to keep that. I want to get to know other fans. And not the shallow, fleeting way of Discord.

Yeah, as I said - old man yells at totally uncaring cloud. I can't stop time. I have to adapt or remain behind.

And the other thing is my "ceterum censeo" of being bitter about people just paying attention to Primarch-content and don't care about the guys from second row who are in my opinion so much more interesting and colourful. And if they get the spotlight it's just some meme-shit or being waifu'd to hell and back.

I love being silly about characters I like. I love making up shitty sidestories, silly AUs and other absolutely hilarious OOC-stuff. But if that's all that remains from a character, that's just sad.

I need way more Credible Hulks who love quoting the books as much as I do, around me!

But anyways, I'll come around.

That I had quite a few not so very good books this year didn't help either. I need both the Eidolon- and the Xantine-book to be good, next year! And St. Martin better NOT writing any shit about Lucius attacking Fenris (I mean, WTF, St. Martin! That short story was the worst you ever wrote, man!).

[olderthannetfic]

Tumblr seems to be sliding in a downward spiral, and it feels like the start of the end of a fandoming era for me. I've been through it before; platforms are born then die, and life fandom finds a way. I'm just not looking forward to floundering for a bit, and dreading what the next hub will look like.

AO3 isn't really a place geared or meant for the same thing, and that's fine. My only fandom-related activity took place on AO3 only for a few years between my leaving LJ and joining Tumblr, and I lived ;-) But during that time, I was my own little island in fandom. Reading, leaving a few comments, not being super active. It's only when I found a community again that I was back to being really active in fandom once more.

And it's not that I actually use Tumblr to post about myself, but I do use it to read and reblog cool things - art, gifsets, science stuff, discovering new fandoms, and the like. I'm not sure where else I could find my people, with sameish purposes. The other sites I've tried didn't fill that niche in a way that suited me, in part because of how they look and work, in part because of who and what is(n't) there.

I have DW & PF accounts just to be safe, but I'm not very fond of group chats Discord-style - and without Tumblr, IDK how I'd even hear of new communities where I might pop in once in a while, loins girdled and everything. The micro-blogging platforms are not what I'm looking for either. Sure, I can follow a few DW comms and blogs; I already occasionally do and I will be more consistent about it if I must.

But one of my greatest fear is that the next platform will be phone-based, app-only, or some such BS - and that is something I just won't be able to deal with. Phones are tiny, it's uncomfortable to write anything, I don't like touch screen and much, much prefer a proper keyboard and a mouse (copy-pasting on a screen? (x_x) << it me), art/pics are too small to properly appreciate, a phone isn't comfy to hold for a long time for me, and the app system means you have no control over anything as a user… and that anything there must be Apple Approved, dick-free, blood-free, and tasteless. And I say this as someone who's pretty much uninterested in sex IRL or in my entertainment ;-) I still support and want the tits, the gore, the everything, and as long as I have the tools to curate - oh, wait. Curate things myself? That's not something that's popular these days, is it? It's not going to generate money, if I'm happy ;-)

So… I guess I'll play some more on Neocities, and see if anyone wants to have webrings again? (it would be fun and nostalgic, but not really viable on a large scale; people who haven't known those would just laugh and point and go on the InstaTok of the time).

So here is my little cane-waving rant of the day! I know things evolve and change and that in ten years I'll be rolling my eyes at my moping. It's only that I feel tired of moving from one shitty platform to another, of fearing I won't adapt (or more accurately won't want to adapt given the annoyance/benefit ratio) to whichever new place things will move in a few years. It's saying goodbye to a former home, moving, and hoping you'll make another home elsewhere kind of sniffles today!

--

We already know the next platform. It has been Discord for a few years now.

If you want the one after Discord, I think you're looking at waiting things out for quite a few years (or until Discord makes a major misstep as a company).

True, real time chat is not for everyone, but small discords with well-chosen channels can operate more asynchronously. Just like a lot of people who hated the look of Tumblr early on eventually capitulated, a lot of chat haters have jumped ship to Discord already.

Realistically, 90% of fandom always goes where the action is, no matter how much they claim the features make that space impossible, and 10% disappears.

We might get the 10% back on the next platform or they might leave fandom for good. There were LJ-haters who resurfaced post LJ era.

But as for where you'll find out where people are... probably AO3 author's notes.

[alliluyevas]

Fic Author Interview (meme)

I was tagged by the lovely @heckofabecca. Thanks, Becca :)

1- How many works do you have on AO3?

71...I honestly was a bit surprised it was that many. I guess I've had that account a while and it adds up! Almost all of them are oneshots, though.

2- What's your total AO3 word count?

204,091.

3- What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

They're all ATLA, which makes sense when you think about it. ATLA is probably the second-biggest fandom I've written for other than ASOIAF, but ASOIAF is so big it's sometimes hard to get noticed. That being said, when I sort by hits, three of the top five are ASOIAF so I guess more people are reading those and not liking them. It probably helps that my top-kudos ATLA fics are all Zuko-centric and he's one of the most popular ATLA characters in fic whereas I think the ASOIAF topics I focus on are perhaps a bit more niche.

tongued with fire (728 kudos)

i got soul, but i'm not a soldier (714 kudos)

cold fire (655 kudos)

we die with the dying; we are born with the dead (597)

the sword and the pen (577 kudos)

4- Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

I try to! I'll respond to all comments on recently published fic (unless it's a hate comment, which I delete) and for older works I try to respond, especially if it's a substantive comment. I like to engage with readers, especially since I tend to write a lot of really niche fandoms and it's nice to connect with other fans.

5- What's the fic you've written with the angstiest ending?

probably either another atla fic that's set right after ursa leaves zuko and azula behind or this big love fic which has an ending that is... not necessarily angsty for the narrator but super bleak in context.

6- What's the fic you've written with the happiest ending?

I don't typically write fluffy romantic fic (I usually do more bittersweet gen focused on family relationships) but I did when I participated in the Jaime/Brienne ship exchange a few times and this bakery-themed modern AU is probably my fluffiest/happiest ending. Exchanges are kind of fun because this is very much the type of fic I would not have ever written on my own.

7- Do you write crossovers?

I have not!

8- Have you ever received hate on a fic?

Yes, lol. My Lannister twins genderswap fic was very controversial among a certain subset of fans who vocally disagreed with my characterization (I will sum this up as them basically believing that genderswapped Jaime would just be canon Cersei which...lol). That's the only fic I've ever got hate comments on, though I did get a really bizarre comment back in ninth grade on FF.net before I migrated to ao3 where the person enjoyed the fic but also used the comment to grandstand against abortion, a topic that in no way was mentioned in my fic. Sir This Is A Wendy's.

9- Do you write smut?

I do write sex scenes but I wouldn't describe them as smut because they're non-explicit and mostly like fade to black stuff.

10- Have you ever had a fic stolen?

YES LMFAOOOOOOOO SOMEONE TOOK A MULTICHAPTER FIC I WROTE ABOUT NINA AND OLEG FROM THE AMERICANS AND SELF-PUBLISHED IT ON AMAZON AS AN EBOOK.

11- Have you ever had a fic translated?

I think someone asked if they could translate one of my fics into another language but it was years ago and I don't remember if they did it or not or which fic it was or even which language it was.

12- Have you ever co-written a fic before?

Yes, my first ever fic! Me and my best friend wrote it in sixth grade and it's an unfinished sequel to Ivanhoe. We never published it, though. It's really, really bad lol.

13- What's your all-time favorite ship?

Tony and Carmela Soprano. sorry. Not ship in the fandom sense but...relationship of all time. (I honestly tend to write for canon pairings that I want to build on, anyway). In the traditional sense of "wanting them to get together in canon", probably Jaime/Brienne.

14- What's a WIP that you want to finish but don't think you ever will?

I honestly don't really have a lot of published WIPs, because I tend to do oneshots and if they're not ready they're just not published. Right now I do have a two-chapter Greek mythology/Iliad retelling I wrote in high school that is absolutely never going to get updated ever, but frankly I don't feel particularly strongly about finishing that. I did have an actual multichapter WIP with the Lannister genderswap fic that I really felt bad about not working on, but I finally finished it!

15- What are your writing strengths?

I think I'm good with dialogue and characterization! A lot of my fic focuses on precanon/younger versions of canon characters ("flashback fic") and I think I'm pretty good at developing backstories. Also if I may say so myself, I write decent prose.

16- What are your writing weaknesses?

Plotting, which is why I tend to do shorter character-study stories. I really struggle with doing actual plotlines. (This is also a problem in my original fiction, lol. I'm always like. Okay I have these fascinating people in an interesting setting. Now what the hell are they going to do).

17- What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic?

If it makes sense in context, like a bilingual character, sure. I do think it should probably be written so that it's clear what is going on to readers who only know the primary language of the fic, though.

18- What was the first fandom you wrote for?

Other than the aforementioned Ivanhoe sequel, it was Harry Potter.

19- What's a fandom/ship you haven't written for yet but want to?

Can't really think of anything!

20- What's your favorite fic you've written?

I'm very proud of the Lannister genderswap fic because it's probably my most significant achievement in terms of plotting, which as I mentioned is hard for me, and I'm really happy I returned to it after over a year's hiatus and finished it! I'm also really proud of this big love fic because I appreciate the effort I put into fleshing out the characters' world (including historical research) and I think it is a really good work of character study.

Tagging @when-did-this-become-difficult @ofhouseadama and anyone else who wants to do this, I can't think of many mutuals on here whose fanfiction output I'm particularly familiar with.

[birlwrites]

2023 writing roundup!

i did this last year, so here i am attempting to make this a tradition. once again, i'm basing this on ao3 because i don't want to go through all my documents looking at timestamps of edits lol. it's been a year of a lot of changes in my life, but the one thing that always stays the same? FANFICTION

here's what i did this year:

posted the follow-up getting-together chapter of sun and shadow, my soft regulus-centric pjo au

got even more niche than rosewater with a sirius/barty ficlet in which they run into each other when they're both out after curfew

wrote a rosewater fake dating AU in a week when i definitely should have been working on a final essay

got into seer regulus for the first time with let me living die

started a messy ex-death-eater-regulus and healer!sirius first war fic featuring regulus who survives the cave and inadvertently reveals himself as a traitor in the process

brief diversion into another fandom with another installment in my 'jean and andrew are roommates, neil lives across the hall' series for AFTG

got more into seer regulus with lachrimae (5 chapters posted, 16 drafted!)

continued digging myself deeper re: niche ships with a sirius/barty 5+1 companion fic to evocatio, because why not

and finally… continued writing ttdl! i've posted a little more than 100k words on that this year, bringing the total to a little over 250k, not counting the prologue. goddamn

right now, i'm in a marathon session of 'trying to finish lachrimae,' and ttdl will probably be on a hiatus until that happens because i'm on a roll - after that, i'll start posting lachrimae updates on a weekly basis and keep chugging along with ttdl!

in 2024: keeping up with ttdl and lachrimae, perhaps finally writing that wedding fic in the promise of series, more ykiybtib when the urge strikes, and probably a return to original fiction - i have something in mind that i want to start when i finish lachrimae, as it seems that i can kind of hold 2 long stories in my mind at a time. if you like my hp stuff, and especially if you like let me living die and lachrimae, i think you'll like this story ajlgshkjdf - it'll mess around a lot with the question of 'if you love someone so much that you reset time to undo their death, what happens afterward?'

i'm sure i'll write more random ficlets as well, and we'll see where the year takes us - perhaps i'll even finish ttdl and move on to the next fic in the series!!

[zannolin]

20 questions for fic writers

tagged by @beautyofsorrow, tagging @lordgrimwing @faebriel and anyone else who wants to do it!!

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

publicly associated with my account, 45. in total, including a couple i orphaned before i knew you could put them on anon, 84 i believe. 85 if you count the two chapters of that leakira zine i wrote that are up there somewhere. i could be off. but i forgot how to get to where it shows me the total number and i can't be bothered lol.

2. What's your total A03 word count?

438,464 baby. maybe 500k in 2024? who knows.

3. What fandoms do you write for?

ones 90% of you have never heard of, at this point. it fluctuates depending on whatever i'm getting ideas for, but actively at the moment, the mullverse (mostly beyonders), resident evil, and lockwood & co, national treasure (might be done with that tho, i've exhausted my must-writes). i have other stuff knocking around, like life is strange, mona lisa smile, mlp, some more shazam, bendy and the ink machine, a tlou fic...but who knows.

4. What are your top five fics by kudos?

ugh. 1. in this fearful fallen place (i will be your home) 2. welcome home, theseus 3. sanctuary 4. i'll carry the weight of you, i swear 5. eat you alive. it says a lot that only one of those is still publicly listed on my profile. even then i'm tempted to put it on anon. they're only my top kudos'd by virtue of being from a big fandom. definitely not my best. at all. even within that fandom. free me and my stats page.

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

not all of them, but i make an effort when comments are thoughtful or especially brighten my day. it's easier now because writing for smaller very niche fandoms you don't tend to get a lot so i don't feel overwhelmed or anything, but man responding is hard sometimes. i want people to know they made me happy, though, when they do. so i try.

6. What's the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

i mean there's that tododeku one where they both die brutally and were supposed to get married next week. there's also the batcat fic that i wrote solely for the purpose of killing bruce wayne (sorry). there's um. also the klance titanic (historical not titanic the movie) au i wrote ages ago. haha. yeah. anyway.

7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

all of them. hfdsjkhfs no i honestly couldn't tell you. i have a mike flanagan-ass idea of a happy ending these days. maybe three's a crowd? hell if i know.

8. Do you get hate on fics?

i've had a couple instances of people harassing me over them but never like. "your fic is so bad i hate it die". so maybe?? i'm too obscure to be getting hate at this point lol. who out here is gonna read beyonders fic just to comment mean things.

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

i do not. i did try years ago. that notebook has since been put through the shredder and dumped into the recycling bin for good measure. (yes, it was that bad.)

10. Do you write crossovers? What's the craziest one you've written?

technically no but i've thought about it sometimes. they've all promptly fled my head though so just trust me on this one.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

gee i hope not. there's been a lot of suspicious similarities in some old cases but like. that literally does not matter to me anymore idc. it's not straight up theft in any case so not to my knowledge ig?

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

again not to my knowledge but i do have blanket permissions for that if anyone ever wanted to. it's cool.

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

back in the 2010s my friend and i were writing a warriors fic together. she did one chapter, i did one, etc. i've had collaborative aus as well (cat's cradle and whatnot) but not a collaboratively written fic for any of them. me and tam were writing the coma au together but we're no longer in the fandom for that anymore, rest in peace coma au you were genuinely wonderful. i'm not opposed to the idea of collab fics but they always feel like a lot of work and i'm way way way too anxious to approach anyone about them.

14. What's your all-time favourite ship?

ah hell. i dunno. do i have to pick one?? like right in this moment i'd say locklyle and they've been here a hot minute (like. ten years almost) but i don't really have A Favorite I'd Choose Over Anyone Else.

15. What's the WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

mm. penumbra anastasia au haunts me. i want it out of my wips folder. also wild geese is probably never getting finished ever. i do think i'll get split ends done eventually but that one's taking forever. as for ones not posted, well, rip the gospel tent au. i might try to convert it to a short story but lord. i don't know. and don't get me started on the final girl au or the empty grave possession au. throwing myself out a window. they'll never be done i'll never be free.

16. What are your writing strengths?

uh. i honestly don't know anymore. knowing exceedingly tedious canon details to the point where i can make all sorts of metaphors and allusions relevant to said canon? i really couldn't say. introspection i guess.

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

yes. next question

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic?

i have an overbearing anxiety that i will fuck it up somehow since i am a monolingual american loser. if i ever did need to i would definitely see if there's any native speakers willing to help translate or whatever bc i am not relying on google translate for that.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

like liv, lord of the rings. i still have my first fanfic btw. it's written on tinkerbell notebook paper.

20. Favourite fic you've ever written?

it changes. if i were to be completely objective (or as close as i can get), completely removing my emotions on fandom from the equation, prob without anesthetic. because i think i constructed it just right. being a dirty little subjective, right now i think it's three's a crowd or swallowing jupiter or the swing of things. they're all wonderfully unhinged.

[that-one-lotr-orc]

One post gotta be the first

So, for me Reddit finally died. As a programmer who is generally in favour of making stuff available for as many people as possible, they did right by that for many years. Giving everyone who wanted that access to it was generous of them, and made it a very fun platform. Random bots everywhere, apps catered to whatever preference people had, even -dare I say it- the tiniest bit of the wild-west-internet that once existed. But they got to greedy, flew to close to the sun, whatever analogy you want to have for it. I don't fault them wanting to make money off that, hosting is expensive, but the way they lied to everyone, attacked the Apollo developer for outing their lies, "riding the storm until it died out", it was too much.

So now I'm here, hopelessly lost in land I only got glimpses of on r/tumblr. I don't even know why I write this. I doubt many people will read it, or even see it. It's my first Tumblr post, and it probably will be very rambly, incoherent, and missing any kind of red line. The shortest answer to "Why I wrote this?" is probably "Because some google doc in '#tumblr help'" told me to post stuff!".

And I'm bad at posting stuff. I never done it. In the olden days, when forums were all around, I was a lurker. I'd read about everything, posted when I actually had something relevant to say, and shut up otherwise. I was known within the communities, generally active in the adjacent msn/skype groups, but not on the main spam threads in the forum.

When the forums began to die out, I got on Reddit. My account is 11 years old now, I've been using it almost hourly over the last 6 years, and it has a grand total of 9 posts. There's a bit more comments in that, but it's probably basically nothing compared to the average comments per hour spend on other accounts.

Why do I tell this? Because I might change that here. I've been lurking around Tumblr for the last few weeks, and the interaction and people are way different than I'm used to. Honestly, it's refreshing, and nice to see. But entering a new environment, one has to adept.

And I've been stuck too long in my old habits! I am often hesitant to contribute to anything, because I never did. I don't write, because I never wrote. But having a new environment, new people, new interest around me makes me wanna try out new stuff. And who knows? Maybe I'll like it, maybe I'll find people who like what I write, and I'll have more stuff to interact with.

And maybe I don't. Maybe I'll feel too unsure, too self-conscious, to change my lurking habits. I'm fine with that. I got other places to interact about my passions. Most of them are through Discord-groups nowadays, others through the few still-existing actual forums out there, but they still exist.

That's my last thing. I don't know what I even write about. Some of my interest are too different from the usual Tumblr-niches to have any kind of following. While typing this I had a look at the "enlisted game" tag, which has a grand total of 1 active poster. I had some looks at the different Magic the Gathering tags, but (as I expected), most of the people in there are about more about the lore of the game than I do. That's fine, I got my spike-talking places, and I will probably lurk those tags anyway.

The one place I'll probably feel most comfortable is the Brandon Sanderson-aligned tags. I'll be there, maybe even contributing, once I finished the last books (or I find the appropriate tags to block, I probably gotta look into that).

That uncertainty makes me circle back to a point a made a few paragraphs ago. I can explore, I can try out new stuff. Maybe I'll try to add to some of the punk tags here, maybe I'll hop onto some of the computer science tags and see if I can wordvomit there, maybe I'll go to something completely new! I can go exploring again, discovering things I never saw before, and that makes me eager.

[dlamp-dictator]

So... Limbus Company sure is a thing, right?

...

...

...

Okay yeah, I'm just gonna' rip off this bandage will quick, because much like Tomodachi Game, this won't be leaving my head any time soon until I actually type out my thoughts and finally purge them from my mind. And with all the controversy stuff still rattling around the fanbase I figured I'd say my two cents and thing finally have these nagging thoughts leave me for... well, until I talk about other things.

In any case...

Short Version: While I've personally stepped away from the game and company, I'm not too hostile toward anyone still in it. This is a silly auto-battler phone game at the end of the day after all. Rabid niche fandom or no.

Long Version:

Where do I even begin?

To put it bluntly, I'm annoyed. Mostly because when the whole debacle over Molar Ishmael came to light I had just finished the entire season 2 pass and purchased the premium. I was locked in and was just about to write up my thouts of the series when Project Moon, the developers of the game, essentially exploded with controversy.

For those wanting a quick and dirty summary (bearing in mind this is with minimal research), the summer event of Limbus Company had some character designs that were, to put it mildly, not what certain aspects of the fandom expected or wanted, this lead to a big amount complaints, review bombs, and depending on the source some actual riots in South Korea. This outrage was also along with the controversial Uptie 4 update that was essentially a big shift in the soft level-cap, and after the previously mentioned riots Project Moon had fired one of their popular and beloved artists in a way that was probably very illegal according to some South Korean labor laws. After this legal faux pas a necromancer decided resurrect all the other skeletons that were still hiding in Project Moon's closet and essentially had them conga line out of it with all the dirty laundry that has been stinking up the company from behind.

I'm being hyperbolic about the necromancer, but several staff and contracted artists were risking NDA to speak out about mistreatment and lack of professionalism within the company. Keep in mind that a lot of misinformation has been strewn about and everything in that above paragraph, my joke about a necromancer aside, should have massive air quotes around it and be taken with a grain of salt.

My overall feelings are both disappointment and mild shrug. This isn't really anything new in terms of mismanagement corporate nonsense. Artists getting screwed over by corporations, misdirected fan outcry and borderline doxing over assumed slights, niche/small fandoms of an indie game turning rabid over something that goes against their expectations. I've been in a lot of fandoms and seen a lot of nonsense, this is nothing new. That said, like every other time this happens I tend to back away from the series until things either calm down or public apologies are made. Neither seems to have happened yet despite Project Moon's insistence on pretending things are back to normal with their continued pumping out of content.

For those wanting my earnest opinions, here's a few small points I think about in regards to this:

General Thoughts: In general, those still playing Limbus either because they don't know or care about the behind-the-scenes stuff are... fine. EA, Activision, Blizzard, and other companies don't exactly die due to them doing a lot shady and immoral acts going public. This is nothing new. That said, if Limbus Company and Project Moon go under due to all the protests and revenue losses then that's egg on the faces of those dumb enough to mindlessly consume. I'll simply say if Canto 5 isn't absolute gangbusters then a lot of people are going to look very stupid for being stubborn.

Content Creators: Because this is absolutely going to come up in certain discussions I'll say my piece here. In terms of content creators my above point is the same. This game is losing revenue and profit with the only saving grace being its next big content updating having a chance of being good enough to bring people back. It's gonna' take a hell of a lot of effort to keep the game afloat outside of an extremely dedicated niche fanbase and whales, and know that niche fanbases turn rabid fast if people take or don't take certain actions. Content Creators that haven't flipped to a different fandom are playing with fire, and they've got a good chance of being incinerated if this game truly dies.

"Boycott": For those even speaking the word "boycott" please understand that it is a known fact that Tumblr can't boycott shit. Ever. I'd recommend just stating you as an individual aren't going to be posting about Limbus for awhile and move to other fandoms. This site does not care about your moralism or virtue when the biggest complaint is that Tumblr is wonky about porn and adult content. Especially about a month or two after the controversy, you're either playing this game or you're not. Unless you're from South Korea and have boots on Ground Zero proper I wouldn't recommend screaming about boycotts unless you've got a better game with a better gacha system to crawl to. That said, everyone should play Arknights instead of Limbus Company for now.

With all that said, I'm still not completely going to jump ship. There are still some things that could bring me back to this game. These would be the following: :

Public Apology: A public apology or admittance of all the skeletons in the closet, controversies, and other mistakes recently made would go a long way in rebuilding goodwill with me. As much as I would like see to see a rehiring of fired artists I know some of those folks might had broken NDAs to speak out and professionally that wouldn't be a good look to ignore, so maybe a quiet and private restitution for those effected would be a good way of good PR.

Uptie 4 Fixes: Namely making Uptie 4 a more reasonable thing in terms or game resources and time by lowering the cost of thread needed would be nice. Not a thing that'd completely bring me back, but something nice to make it more tempting.

Transparency: Any form of public transparency on what's happening in Project Moon would be nice. A willingness to pull the veil a little and show that things aren't completely on the up and up either by admitting that their little incidents have caused major profit loss or that their firing of certain staff as a kneejerk reaction weren't smart moves on their part will be as close to an apology as a company can get while still saving face. I'd definitely be willing to come back something like that happened and they've learned their lesson.

Okay, that's it for now. Just needed to get that off my chest. I'll talk to you folks later. Hopefully on more positive things. Maybe even about Limbus Company. Who knows?

[phtalogreenpoison]

20 Questions for Writers

@myfairkatiecat and @nobodysdaydreams Thank you so much for tagging me, both of you!!! <33 :D

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

7! I don't have a lot, that's for sure, but hopefully people enjoy it.

2. What’s your total AO3 word count?

15,936 words! Which is not that much compared to some of you, but I tend towards the shorter side of things anyways.

3. What fandoms do you write for?

So far, just the Mysterious Benedict Society and lately Bungou Stray Dogs. Which is funny to me because they are so wildly different. But! I also plan on writing for the Starless Sea by Erin Morgenstern eventually because it's one of my favorite books. Nay, dare I say my favorite book.

4. What are your top five fics by kudos?

I'll also just list all of my fics, because I don't have many.

The Sweat Beneath One's Eyes - This is my Reynie as a Messenger/Executive what-if fic, which while I had a lot of enthusiasm, I was still new to the writing of longer form fics.

Fish Eyes - This is my Dazai one-shot. I love himb. He is quite messed up (but honestly not darker than canon)

Food for Thought - A Number Two one shot.

The Brightest Eyes - Sequel to the TSBOE and from Martina's perspective :).

I Will Not Be Swept Away - This is actually fanart of Sticky and the Whisperer, but you guys seem to like it!

Sweet as Cherry Pie - Moocho/Milligan one shot!! I LOVE THEMB. They are my sweet big guys.

The Door Opens... - This is my OC & Dazai one-shot. I am currently obsessed with the idea. I don't care if no one else likes it. This is my baby.

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

YES!! I love getting comments, but I mostly write niche what-ifs, so I don't get too many. I will respond to pretty much every comment if I am able. <3333333333

6. What’s the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

Probably either The Door Opens or Fish Eyes. They are kinda sad and angsty. If you read these, consider this post a free hug.

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

Probably Sweet as Cherry Pie. It's just tooth-rotting fluff and gahhhhhoaoodihfiods.

8. Do you get hate on your fic?

Not hate per se, but I've had a slightly negative comment before. I was still kinda a mess over it, but I got over it.

9. Do you write smut?

No. Just not for me! Also definitely not for MBS, and I don't have the will to do it for BSD.

10. Do you write crossovers?

I've contributed to some what-ifs on tumblr! But that's kinda it.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

I don't think so? I trust that it wouldn't happen for MBS, and I doubt my stuff is appealing enough to the masses that it would happen for BSD.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

No, but that would be super cool if it happened!

13. Have you ever co-written a fic?

No, but I did come up with a BTXT au on Tumblr with my friend @1001galaxygal!!!

14. What’s your all-time favorite ship?

Currently at the moment, shin soukoku. I LOVE THEM. They were enemies, they were rivals, to lovers, to everything. They would die for each other in a heartbeat. They bully each other relentlessly. I just ahiofewihofwioiomowiijedshnvgowoiwejroiweirowioefjioeewioioew. THEM.

15. What’s the WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

I'm worried I might not finish my sequel to The Brightest Eyes, but I AM working on it. It just might take me forever.

16. What are your writing strengths?

I'd guess characterization, dialogue, and inner monologue/stream of consciousness, but you tell me!

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

I can't write long fics like ughhhh I just want to write short poetic stuff, and even though I have longer ideas, I get bogged down in the planning and execution of longer fics.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic?

I think I could do it but probably only for a language I somewhat understand the mechanics of (not like fluent, but just a basic understanding of how it works). Otherwise I'd have to do some research.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

MBS! This was what drew me to finally get an AO3 of my own and also what I initially posted a lot of on Tumblr!! I'm really grateful for all the support from the fandom I've gotten, even though I'm relatively new and haven't done a lot.

20. Favorite fic you’ve ever written?

Probably Fish Eyes. With Maybe Food for Thought in second. But OOH I really wrote some banger lines in Fish Eyes. LIKE. Please. Ask me questions if you're interested.

[thebahwrites]

For the “an ask game ft niche questions i don’t see very often” I would like your thoughts on my all time favorite: Iceman!!!! I just love him so much

have I said today yet I love you? ❤️❤️❤️here are my objectively correct personal opinions on Iceman no one COME FOR ME

an ask game ft niche questions i don’t see v often (send me a character)

Tom 'Iceman' Kazansky (more under the cut so I don't bother anyone)

a song that reminds me of them the REASON it took me so long to answer this one is precisely because I am so picky with songs and it took me FOREVER to get to this one but I finally got the right one: Be Yourself - Audioslave Even when you've paid enough Been pulled apart Or been held up Every single memory of The good or bad, faces of love Don't lose any sleep tonight I'm sure everything will end up alright You may win or lose But to be yourself is all that you can do I actually love this song so much and the entire Out Of Exile album reads Iceman to me in different ways but this one? It's this one.

what they smell like I think it's a common kinda-canon/fanon thing with the coconut scented stuff because it shows up in the movie??? Won't say I don't subscribe to it but I'll add further: I think once my mans gets over smelling axe bodyspray or some random tropical shit because it was the easiest, closest available thing, I'll just say he favors the sweet-scented stuff. Coconut, pineapple, cinnamo, cardamom, orange if we go further but mostly remaining on the sweeter side of the aisle.

an otp Yeah we all know I'm down that IceMav train but I WILL say Iceman/Slider is almost right up there for me. Almost, though. Because I just love Icemav way too much. They're meant to be, your honor. They're rivals, they're insane, they're at each other's throats 36 years down the line and love each other so much. I WILL write about it.

a notp Don't think I've read anything with Ice that physically made me recoil but as per usual: Ice with the younger folks just is a no for me because ~I don't see it~. I've recently been presented with a couple of those possibilities and it wasn't for me!

favorite platonic/familial relationships Ice/Slider (when not a ship) OBVIOUSLY, that's his brother, that's his best buddy aside from Maverick, that's his sweet cheese, that's HIS BOY. Also Ice and Goose!!!! Everyone forgets they went to school together!!! They were friends!!!! And yet again I'll die on the Iceman/Hangman hill that no one want to hear from me but I WILL die on it.

a headcanon that is popular in the fandom but that i disagree with oh boy. There's quite the handful of them but I think the most... like, how do I put it, it's just sort of a fanon consensus thing that Iceman is a full rule-abiding stickler/is somehow detached from things and I just. Disagree. I think Ice to ME reads as truly 'lawful neutral' - he follows codes and abides to things such as honor and respect but by HIS OWN STANDARDS. He also happens to have goals (i.e. rank climbing, etc) and knows what he needs to do to get there, so of course he's 'ice cold, no mistakes' when it comes to flying, because it makes him good. And he needles Maverick about being dangerous and leaving people behind but doesn't actually calls him out on his rule-following issues, he calls him out on behavior. I think people confuse those. So much so that in TGM Cyclone says Maverick wasn't even originally CONSIDERED for the list of whoever would teach the squad but Ice dragged him there because they needed someone who could: think outside the box & believe themselves able to pull off impossible features. No one, not even Ice, who flies within a strict ruleset could do it and that to me is the greatest strength between Iceman and Maverick. You've got Ice as a guy who allows himself to be limited by rules and regulations in a way because he has a goal and you got a guy who doesn't have the same goal so those same rules would limit him. And yes I rambled I THINK ABOUT THIS A LOT OKAY.

the position they sleep in On his stomach, a little curved, either hugging a pillow or someone. I will not elaborate. <3

a crossover au i’d love to see them in bro, SO MANY and I think I've cited them all already but I'll say it again: PACIFIC RIM. A PACIFIC RIM THING WITH THE '86 FOLKS, on my desk, RIGHT NOW. Though maybe some kind of western too because young Val as a cowboy has me-[GUNSHOT]

my favorite outfit they’ve ever worn Ngl, the beach getup is slutty enough. But also he looked so damn good in the dress whites so, take ya pick.

[bengiyo]

I love your commentary on every show you watch! I have started watching several shows because of it :) I have a question: how do you handle a show not going the way you anticipated? How can one react to it and not be swept away by the online fandom breaking down? (It's ok if you don't have any answers, it was just something I have been thinking about after being a mostly a bystander in fandom for several years. I hope you are having a nice day 😊

Thank you for taking the time to read my silly little thoughts. Sometimes a show brings out a lot of big ideas in me, and sometimes I'm just giggling at little stuff. You can tell when I'm tired and watching a show, because my commentary might be a bit pat.

I think the healthiest way to deal with a show not going the way I anticipated is to question my base assumptions in the first place. I ask if the show ever promised me something I was hoping for, and then I'll ask why they chose to go some other way with it.

I think the most recent example of me breaking with the primary online reaction was with I Promised You the Moon. I understood that Oh-aew and Teh were not a perfect couple, and that Teh's fundamental insecurity was an intrinsic part of his character. I also appreciated a story about a couple that was always going to struggle. So, when I see fans deeply upset by the drama that unfolded there, I appreciate that they're connecting with the characters and aching with and for them. I focus my feelings on what's next, and hope that those fans can see the mistakes Oh and Teh made, and hopefully avoid them or manage them more effectively in their own romantic endeavors.

I think it's also important to build my own fandom niche of perspectives you can appreciate and enjoy. I think the KP fandom is too broad to reasonably be part of the entirety of it. It's the same with big fandoms like superheroes, Star Wars, Star Trek, etc. They're too old and too popular for me to allow mass frustration or mass praise to color my experience too much, because I don't know exactly where everyone is coming from. I interact with fans who are vibing the same way I am, and avoid talking about things I know I'm not vibing about with fans. This happens with people I've known for years. Someone who is ride-or-die with me on one show may have a hard line about another show that isn't a line for me.

Right now we're seeing some of that with The Eclipse and Love in the Air. There are a few distinct approaches to those shows that will inherently color the viewing experience. With the Eclipse, I find that one must engage directly with the politics of the show to appreciate the relationships because these characters represent much of the political action happening in youth protest culture in Thailand.

With Love in the Air, I've approached the show as work from a survivor and a kinkster who is working through things in her writing. It allows me some emotional distance, and so I treat her characters like I might a stage play rather than real people; they are meant to fill a thematic role in the conversation being had. So, I think it's okay to reject the core idea that "people who have built up walls after trauma need someone to break them out of it" as well as the idea that "good relationships can have bad/terrible starts."

For me, I think I judge a work based on its execution of its core premise. I don't ask romcoms to be super serious, and I don't ask psychological horror to be slapstick. So, if a show is frustrating me, it's usually because of genre-blending not going well, or some latent cultural theme I'm not fully connecting to going over my head. When that happens I'll do some reading about what the intent may have been, or just politely drop the show. There's enough entertainment that I won't let a few disappointing shows define my experience online.

Also, the filter button is strong. I will not watch TharnType for a variety of reasons, and so I filter it. I have never once said that I think TharnType is bad. I just know it isn't for me. Being able to look at something a lot of people are saying is really good or really bad and saying, "Ah, I don't think that's for me," and then going about your life is extremely liberating as a fan. I don't need to moralize my tastes.

Thank you for your question. It gave me a bit to think about, and I am glad I took the time to write out vaguely how I engage with fandom.

[baladric]

What first got you into writing? How did you develop your style? And have you got any tips for other budding writers out there? Also who are your favourite authors and poets?

this got LONG but i'm going to tell myself you were ASKING FOR THAT and take a breath a;ldfkjwo;dfjsf

i can't remember if my inuyasha self-insert fic days predated my gaiaonline roleplaying days, but it was one of the two! definitely entirely a form of escape from a very painful and lonely life, but i think it was actually several years after i started definitionally Writing™ before i got into it, you know? i don't remember what kickstarted it, but somewhere along the way, i realized that i could really do whatever i wanted to, and i discovered figurative language and non-linear storytelling really went hogwild on some super niche death note fics ;alkfjwd and from there i started writing prose-poetry and really just. splashing around in there. i've been a musician my whole life, and it was like i'd realized that i could put music into the written word, like i wrote entirely for the way things tripped off my internal ear—like this one line from a poem i wrote when i was 14 still sticks with me, Leaves stain, leaves stains (rough obviously, but it was my first foray into writing about visual imagery that stuck in my sad little head)

my style started as its own nascent messy little thing, and like. man, people on here don't talk about Lolita because. you know. it's literally the apotheosis of the stuff that gets people wound-up in fandom spaces? literally a novel about SA and pedophilia and grooming—but the thing is, there's a reason it's considered a central part of the western literary canon, and that book revolutionized me as a writer. nabokov's entire thing really is just. ear-worms as text, like i cannot even express how often i still think "I am just winking happy thoughts into a little tiddle cup", or how many times i'll echolalia my way through this one line from the intro bit of the book: "Lo-Le-Ta: The tip of the tongue taking a trip of three steps down the palate to tap, at three, on the teeth." take or leave the content of the book, nabokov does it like none other—or he did until ocean vuong published On Earth We're Briefly Gorgeous, which is just. idk if you haven't read it, please please please, do yourself a favor and make space for it. it's the most effecting book i've ever read, as well as the most gorgeous and the most lovingly, grievingly composed.

You once told me that the human eye is god's loneliest creation. How so much of the world passes through the pupil and still it holds nothing. The eye, alone in its socket, doesn't even know there's another one, just like it, an inch away, just as hugry, as empty. Opening the front door to the first snowfall of my life, you whispered, "Look."

if i can ever write a single sentence that pins the wide universe and the complex sorrow and joy of the human experience in place the way ocean vuong does, i will die happy. honestly.

favorite authors/poets is in vein with that last bit, but the short list anyway:

ocean vuong, esp On Earth We're Briefly Gorgeous (novel) and Time is a Mother (poetry)

maggie stiefvater, specifically The Raven Cycle—i could (and have) gone on for hours about the way she puts her readers into a tactile, vivid world, and her singular skill for spinning characters so contradictory and multifaceted that, to my mind, they're whole entire people, instead of the archetypes or loving stereotypes of most other fiction

richard siken, for Crush, which. i mean, i'm a gay man obsessed with words, this one really goes without saying lmao, if you read nothing else from it, read Snow and Dirty Rain. it is my gospel and my lifeblood, i have it memorized and still i reread it every week.

katherine addison taught me so much about storytelling, unreliable narrators, and the complexities of healing/trauma recovery while contending with rigid society (tragically pertinent to our present lives)—her Chronicles of Osreth (comprised of The Goblin Emperor, Witness for the Dead and The Grief of Stones)

maggie nelson, both for Bluets and The Argonauts

becky chambers—Psalm for the Wild-Built altered me as a person, it is gorgeous and soaring and humble and such a necessary book

donna tartt, obviously

anne carson, also obviously

freya marske—will read anything she ever writes, her language is lush, her worldbuilding is unique and spectacular, and her smut is HOT

alexandra rowland, for the same reasons as freya marske, but also their characters are so stunningly sympathetic, as well as really loving examples of neurodivergence in fiction (evemer hoşkadem, my deeply autistic beloved)

robin hobb really writes a toxic, complicated relationship saga like none other, i am stunningly enraged by Realm of the Edlerlings and also am physically incapable of not thinking about it constantly

and then there's the authors who taught me about magic: Garth Nix (The Old Kingdom Series), Holly Black (Modern Faerie Tales), Tamora Pierce (Protector of the Small), and Francesca Lia Block (Weetzie Bat)

writer tips!!!!!! this is hokey, but honestly my main advice is READ and also HAVE FUN. storytelling is the oldest human act, and language is the show where everything's made-up and the points don't matter. language is a sandbox, and it's there for you to literally just fuck around in. it can be whatever you want—it can be your raison d'être as a writer, but also it can be incidental. it can be a means to an end, economical, and some of the best stories are taken with that approach. but also you can paint with language, if you want to. you can compose music with it. you can do whatever suits your fancy.

my second tip is WORD COUNT DOESN'T MATTER. stop counting. stop stop stop holding yourself to the weird, quantity-obsessed writer culture. 2,000 words a day? nobody has time for that except full-time writers or those really rare writers who blink and 5k words fall onto the page. personally, if i'm sitting down to write and i'm really determined to actually get something onto the page, whether or not it's necessarily good, i'll force out 200 words. 200! i can't remember where i got this tip, but the point of that number is that 200 words is attainable even on the most blocked day, and by the time you hit your 200th word, you're gonna be in the middle of a sentence or a thought that you'll have to finish, and you end up with 300. or you hit 200 and you've broken through the fog and warmed up to it, and you leave with 700 or 1,500 (or a couple wild times for me, 5k).

my third tip: if you're a writer, EVERYTHING IS WRITING. this goes for art, music, literally any creative pursuit. walking out your door in the morning is writing, because you're learning things about the world, you're processing stimuli, your wheels are never not spinning. every video game you play, every show you watch, every fic you read is inherently a generative act, because that story is entering your store of knowledge to be processed and synthesized and lend you inspiration for the kinds of stories you want to tell, or the characters you want to make, or even the kinds of things you want to avoid as a creator. i can't tell you how much i've learned from games (Outer Wilds, i'm lookin at you!!) or tv (Station Eleven....) or music (Joanna Newsom really should be on my list of authors) or fanfiction (if you're a goblin emperor beastie and you haven't read celebros's Blackbird series, RUN, don't walk. i learned literally everything about creating character conflict within a framework of love that really motivates characters to work at it and not just get angry and walk away, and i remain uhhHHH fuckin Gobsmacked and reeling that she wants to write with ME a;lkdjfalw;dfs also literally one of my most formative collaborative and creative experiences came from reading kingdom hearts fanfiction in 2010, so) so!!!! just live your life!!! think about what makes you tick, what makes stories tick, think about the stars or birds or the history of glassblowing, whatever lights you up, and that energy will find its way into the things you make.

oh and also NEVER FEEL BAD FOR TAKING BREAKS. and i don't mean a 5-minute break, or a few days. i mean weeks. i mean months or years or what-have-you. sometimes it's just not there, and that's not a failing. your creations aren't content, they're little critters you make with love, and you can't love a thing you're banging your head against day and night. take breaks. allow yourself ebbs and flows in your creativity. everything hibernates, and i promise it'll wake up again and it'll be better than you left it.

end point: i Love You, and if you're writing or hoping to write or planning to write, i love your writing, too, nascent or tangible.

[studentofetherium]

quarter for your thoughts

if a penny is worth one thought, then 25 thoughts...

just finished watching Shinjuku Boys, and i think it was a really interesting film. i think it's cool to see a film focusing on trans men, when a lot of historic queer films tend to focus on trans women, and i also always love films that focus on a specific niche subculture, in this case, trans men working at a host club

i've been getting back into regularly watching film this year, and it's been so fun. i really, really love film, and particularly over the last few weeks, ive been trying to explore films from countries i don't usually watch films from. Korea and China are the two ive been thinking about, but also Australia, and once i get through all that ive set aside for that, i keep this up, tho i'll decide where next later

purple is a really nice color, y'know?

my music taste last year was the most singular and consistent it's been since 2018, since i was listening to a lot of postrock and emo, particularly The World is a Beautiful Place & I Am No Longer Afraid to Die, but this year i haven't really been stuck on any one genre or artist all that much, except maybe Owl City

i miss having air conditioning, but having an excuse to spend more time outside (where it's generally cooler than inside) has been nice

i need to read more. I have the Prose Edda and Understanding Media sitting on my desk, plus Ougimonogatari and Ikusamonogatari on my phone, and i wanna finish those before starting anything new

Svefn-g-englar is one of the most gorgeous songs i have ever heard

i keep thinking that i want to get back into keeping up with chika idol music, but there's just so much, and i haven't really followed it for a few years now, and i'm not listening to much current music these days anyway, so i keep putting it off

despite all the posts i'm making about Koyodachi, my takeaway from Ikusamonogatari is that Koyomi and Hitagi are truly perfect for each other. the whole relationship is so sweet, and it's great to see them have come so far together. the "18 years" motif is a little heavy-handed, but i think it's a great throwback to the origin of the series

i'm still not over how surreal it is to see covid brought up directly in a Monogatari novel, considering they all take place in the same general timeframe and ive been following these books since before the pandemic

i should reread Juuni Taisen. it's been a while

i'm coming to realize that i much prefer to write stories for my ocs than to come up with details to include in a planning document. it's just easier for me to create a character when i'm putting words in their mouth and thrusting them into situations, because that way i can get an idea of how i feel about them as a character. i'm also more of a storyteller than a write (meaningless distinction), so i naturally find it easier to tell stories

ive been pushing myself to watch more films this year, but ive also been trying to push myself to read more, and i'm hoping to finish some of the stuff that's been sitting on my bookshelf for years, unread

similarly, and back to movies, there's a lot of stuff ive bought and local video stores that i haven't watched, because i do most of my watching on the computer, and i really should start watching that stuff more

Caligula Effect is a fascinating game and i cannot wait until it's cool enough in my room that i can play more, because it sounds like it only gets better from here

as i keep practicing Japanese, every now and then i think that i should try to read something in Japanese, but it always goes poorly and puts me off from trying it again... but it's been a while and i'm thinking that i should maybe try it again. something simple, but still, something

having self-confidence is so cool. i play up my pride a bit because i think it's funny, but i genuinely think it's really important to take pride in oneself and what one does because that's a really easy step towards a better mental health. thinking of myself not only as a good writer, but a great one has done wonders for me

i keep a sticky note on the wall behind my computer monitor with all the numpad codes for special characters that i use most often. my most used ones are —, Æ, and á

i haven't stopped thinking about the quote "can you really say a song is your favorite if you've only heard it once". it hasn't even been a year, but that has definitely led me to rethink the way i look at art, and in particular value returning to things i love more highly. my most recent Monogatari rewatch in particular has been an effect of that

having a girlfriend is so cool

i wish TJPW shows weren't all 3-4 hours long, because that makes it a slog to catch up

hey nuriel we don't talk much but you're a cool friend

i really should just commit to learning to draw. actually looking up tutorials, actually practicing with regularity, etc. all my efforts in the past have been half-hearted, but i really should commit myself to it one of these days

i'm so excited to rewatch Adolescence of Utena in a couple days, even more than i'm excited to rewatch the ending of the tv show

i'm still trying to find a new hyperfixation! nothing has really landed, but i was getting into a couple new things (Ruina and Caligula) plus was about to commit to finishing some other stuff, but then the ac broke and that's totally thrown me off any sort of schedule, so i have to wait for that to be fixed before i can really get back into any of it

there we go :) 25 thoughts

[longeyelashedtragedy]

for the writing ask game... this was SO HARD and i've picked too many!!!

23, or if not applicable, 12, or if not applicable, 13…

36

37 (&. maybe 38)

40, and 41 if you like

whichever of 45 and 46 you feel more comfortable answering/think is more interesting

thank you for sending me all these questions omg!

23. What’s a trope, AU, or concept you’ve never written, but would like to? i think i'd love to write some real historical fiction AU, like one that i actually do some research for. or, some sort of mindfucky thing where i really play with people's conception of how a story should be told (in the style of my fav author, julio cortázar), but i'm not a good enough writer for either of these LOL

12. Are there any tropes you used to dislike but have grown on you? i'll do this as a bonus because yes! i used to be really eye-rolly about found family but dangerous au will have some of these elements and it's so soothing. of course, in my case my found family is 'violent and suddenly orphaned mafia boys'--something that i tend to not like about the trope is how uwu it can be lol.

36. Do you visualize what you read/write? very much, though mostly what i write and not what i read. i often see things playing out very cinematically when i'm planning a story--my head zooms out kinda and i can see everything from so many angles. however i have some big visual-spatial deficits so the stuff i imagine is kind of floating in my head instead of in a particular imagined space? hard to explain 😂

37. Promote one of your own “deep cut” fics (an underrated one, or one that never got as much traction as you think it deserves!). What do you like about it? ok so like my deepest cut that i think is one of my best things is a super niche football/crossover AU written in the style of the 'what we do in the shadows' movie and i'm always hesitant to recommend it lol but in terms of more normal things...

this is a deep cut because it's a rare"pair" but this movren/granit threesome i wrote last year, A Team This Good, i'm just really proud of. it was the first time i ever wrote granit actually and i just think i really pulled off all the dialogue and constantly shifting power balances and honestly it's just really hot and managed to have a sweet ending too? i'm really proud of it hahaha

40. Do you tend to reread fics or are you a one-and-done kind of person? oh, i def reread. mostly because i'm pretty picky about what i like, deep down, so i wind up just rereading that stuff. currently on heavy reread rotation is the "ice ice baby" series 🫣 --i am a frequent rereader of your stuff too ESPECIALLY the granit/aaron tho i am biased there

41. Link a fic that made you think, “Wow, I want to write like that.”

need you by loveleah (sergio ramos/luka modrić, this is old at this point but this fic is my ride or die, it changed my life 4 real)

gulls in the sky by Deinde (erling haaland/martin ødegaard, part of the 'ice ice baby' series, i'm just so impressed by how like disciplined and professional this fic is and by how much it manages to do)

i guess any thrill will do by juskisa (old fic where dries mertens has a gangbang with the entire napoli squad--this is really explicit but such porn goals)

save me from myself (dejan lovren/šime vrsaljko)

if moscow is forever, where's your home sweet home? (luka modrić. & ivan rakitić, this is an example of like, fics that fuck with your expectations that i wish i could write!)

last but not least: in praise of limestone (not kidding!!!)

45. What’s something you’ve improved on since you started writing fic? dialogue--at least i think so, or hope so! and writing more efficiently, throwing less clunky backstory into places that don't need it, inserting my own voice into it less. i hope. though i feel like my writing has actually gotten worse, i don't know how true that is!

legit thank you SO much for sending all these questions you made my day!

questions for fic writers

[glitt3r-litt3r]

hi! i'm doing a presentation on the impact and community of tumblr for my media studies final and i wanted to reach out to my mutuals and fav blogs with some questions that relate to my topic. i would so totally love and appreciate if you could answer some of these for me.

it would be so totally rock and roll and awesome and amazing and i'll literally love you forever and ever and ever! :)

thank you thank you thank you!!!!

the questions(i know it's a lot, i'm so sorry):

1. how is tumblr different from other social media platforms?

2. how has the tumblr community affected you as a person/online presence?

3. do you feel more inclined to post more personal or private aspects of your life and or opinions on tumblr rather than other apps? as in do you feel you are less likely to be judged on tumblr than other platforms?

4. what are your favorite aspects of tumblr?

5. what would you do if tumblr got shut down?

6. what are some things that only tumblr bloggers would know/understand?

or

7. are there certain traditions on tumblr that you think other media sites wouldn't understand?(an example being our site wide celebration of the ides of march)

8. what are some of the largest fandoms/inner communities on tumblr? are you apart of these fandoms/communities? if yes, what is that like for you?

9. do you find tumblr to be educational in terms of academics? among other things such as politics and general life experiences?

10. all in all, how has this app changed your perspective on social media, the world, your life, and so on.

11. why do you think people should download tumblr?

12. what's your favorite and least favorite part of being on tumblr

please add anything else you find to be important!!

HiHi!! of course i can help <3

1. One key difference i've found from Tumblr vs other apps is the kind of niche community finding. When I first joined Tumblr it was because I knew there were ways to find exactly what I was looking for which was at the time for fandoms that i participated in. I wanted character analysis, fanfiction, discourse on the themes. On Tumblr I don't feel inclined or forced to share like I do sometimes on other social medias and I really enjoy the way reblogging works here! Being able to add onto a persons thought with your own has been super fun and cool.

2. So there's two kind of answers for this. The online community as a whole is very intense for people and I find that Tumblr has lessened that pressure by allowing this sort of allowing me to share my thoughts under categories that make sense. I think it's also helped my writing skills because as everyone who follows me knows I write fanfiction duhh!! But the kind of writing I see here, the critique/praise I get, even just asking followers what they want to read makes me a better writer.

3. Definitely feel more inclined to share some stuff like my opinions on certain aspects of media. Also it's great for being anonymous because unlike instagram that's used to connect "people you know" I use Tumblr to exist with people I don't know as we engage in whatever we like which is part of the allure. If i wanted to be known on here I could but the fact that it's not forced is nice.

4. Art, fandom, memes. People are hilarious and I get to see it and giggle. I also love the ways we get to interact around movies/books/shows almost like everyone's already friends.

5. die. or something less dramatic like be really upset and long for the days which I could use Tumblr freely.

6. The importance of support through reposting/reblogging people's works. This site isn't instagram or tiktok, liking something isn't enough for artists/writers to get recognition on here. Reblogging opens up their art to an entirely different community than if it just remained on the original persons blog.

Another thing I'd like to mention is that there's definitely bad stuff on Tumblr it's not a perfect site at all. I've seen some really terrible discourse from some chronically online people that made me feel like my brain was gonna leak out of my ears lol. Good thing is, I scrolled away and it didn't cause real harm because I have media literacy and can understand when someone's wrong vs just hurts my feelings.

I love Tumblr a lot, she's like an old friend to me and I hope I don't ever lose that feeling.