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#if i make another appointment with you will you keep it
tasiawrites · 2 days
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"but I didn't shave" so what?
aot men + you happening to not have shaven. ft. eren, onya, connie, armin and reiner.
contains: smut, unprotected sex (wrap it before you tap it), cunnilingus, fingering, pet names (dollface, mami, darling, mama/ma) onya slaps you on the thigh once. if I missed anything let me know
MDNI smut below
onyakapon
onya firmly believes grown men don't care about that and well, he's a grown man.
"wait, onya I didn't shave-" you tried to tell your boyfriend. instead, you got a slap on your thigh. "move your hand mamas" he said pushing away the hand you were using to try and cover your cunt. "but-" "Move it ma, I aint gonna tell you again." as soon as your hand moved onyakapon buried his face in your cunt. you gasped as he took a deep inhale before eating you out like he had been starving. his tongue ran all over your folds before he placed a few well-placed licks on your clit. two fingers made their way into your hole as he continued to make a mess of your clit until you were cumming on his face
"acting like I ain't a grown man, now turn over so I can make her cream again"
Armin
he did not spend his life studying biology for you to think that was going to deter him
"Armin I didn't shave" you tried to explain but the blonde-haired man didn't care. armin’s fingers found your clit and rubbed small circles into it. "I didn't either, that never stopped you from trying to swallow my cum now did it darling?" he asked teasingly as he slowly fingered your sopping cunt.
"That's different," you tried to protest but his fingers grazed that spot in you that made your eyes cross. "Min!" you squealed as he continued to abuse that spot in you. "see, not shaving aint stopping you from making a mess now is it darling?" he asked as you creamed around his fingers
eren
first of all, he's the one paying for your wax appointments. second of all, you finna tell that man he can't have some of his pussy? crazy cause that's not happening
"Ma I ain't playing these games with you" Eren growled into your ear. you got him hard, and sucked him off but would not let him fuck you because you didn't get waxed last week like you were supposed to.  "but it's hairy ren" you tried to argue. "Ma, I don't care, shit ill stop paying for that shit if this is how you acting," he rolled his eyes and sat you on his lap. his dick rubbed against your pussy and you whined. "you're making a mess baby," he teased angling his dick to hit your clit. "ren!" you moaned before lifting your hips so that the next thrust would send his dick straight into your cunt.
Connie
 you crazy if you thought that man gave a fuck in the first place.  
"mami, lemme see her," Connie said looking at you with big eyes. he lay his head on your thigh, the only thing between your pussy and his face being your already soaked through panties. "but I didn't shave con," you responded feeling embarrassed. "mama I do not care, shes pretty either way," he said pulling your panties off. you whined as he pressed a kiss on your mound. "pretty as ever mami," he whispered grabbing his phone and opening his camera. "keep your legs open so I can show you how pretty she looks mami"
Reiner
Another grown man. He actually expects it not to be shaven
“Dollface, you're gonna deny me perfectly good pussy because of something as silly as shaving?” he asked spreading your legs and pressing his hard-on right up to your clit. “I appreciate the thought but good pussy is good pussy with or without the bush,” he said grinding up against you. “But Rei, it's not pretty,” you whined. “I’m a grown man dollface, and a lil exploring never deterred a grown man before,” he said sliding your panties off. It didn't take long for him to bully his fat cock into your messy pussy. And by that time you had forgotten about the fact that you had shaven long ago, not that it would have ever mattered to Reiner. 
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i stopped writing other smut to write this, its unedited and idek whats going on. whats crazy is that armin is the love of my life and his was the shortest. n e way, tell me what yall think ill be writing the shit I put off writing
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Can you write something like Evil Queens WandaNat x maid reader? Like reader is a new make and she’s kinda shy and quiet because she doesn’t wanna draw attention to herself, but she ends up doing that anyway when she manages to get out a really bad bloodstain out of the carpet (cause yk Wanda and Natasha did sum evil muahahaha- I’m sorry) Anyways, the maids usually have a hard time getting out blood stains which usually leads to them getting fired or uh- yk. But R caught their attention cause she could and was suddenly appointed as their personal maid and uh yeah you go wherever you want from there
Stains of the Heart
EvilQueens!WandaNat x Maid!Fem!Reader
Summary: Though you try to keep yourself hidden amongst the rest of the maids the Queens you work for take notice of you after being able to clean up properly after a mess they've made.
Word Count: 2.8K
Warnings: 18+, MDNI, mentions of dark themes, mentions of blood, sexual themes
A/N: I feel like I could have made them more evil, but this is what came out as I wrote. These two took over~
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The grand hall of the castle was eerily silent as the new maid, you, scurried about, nervously clutching your cleaning supplies. The atmosphere was thick with tension, an almost tangible sense of dread that had settled in ever since you had started working here. You were well aware of the fate of those who failed to meet the exacting standards of the castle's rulers, the formidable queens Wanda and Natasha.
You had heard the whispers among the other servants, the hushed tones speaking of what happened to those who displeased the queens. The stories were enough to make you keep your head down, blending into the background, hoping to avoid their notice.
Today was particularly nerve-wracking. A terrible incident had occurred the night before, leaving a significant bloodstain on the opulent carpet in one of the grand parlors. The maids who had tried to clean it before you had all failed, disappearing shortly after. You knew this was a test of your skills, one that could either secure your place in the castle or seal your doom.
With trembling hands, you set to work. You had always been meticulous, and today you put every bit of your knowledge to use. You mixed a special solution, carefully applying it to the stain. As you worked, you whispered a silent prayer, willing the stain to vanish.
Hours passed, but eventually, the carpet was spotless. You allowed yourself a small sigh of relief, barely daring to believe your success. You knew better than to draw attention to yourself, but as you packed up your supplies, you couldn’t help but feel a tiny spark of hope.
That hope was quickly dashed when you felt a presence behind you. Turning slowly, you found yourself face-to-face with Queen Wanda. Her piercing eyes seemed to bore into your soul, making you feel small and insignificant.
"What's your name?" she demanded, her voice smooth yet laced with an underlying threat.
"Y/N, Your Majesty," you replied, keeping your eyes downcast.
"You did this?" she asked, gesturing to the now pristine carpet.
"Yes, Your Majesty," you answered, your voice barely above a whisper.
She studied you for a moment, then nodded. "Impressive. Follow me."
Heart pounding, you followed her through the winding halls of the castle, eventually arriving at a grand chamber where Queen Natasha waited. Her eyes were just as intimidating as Wanda's, and you felt a shiver run down your spine under her scrutinizing gaze.
"This is the one?" Natasha asked, her voice cool and assessing.
"Yes," Wanda replied. "She has a talent."
Natasha approached you, her eyes never leaving yours. "We have a proposition for you," she said, her tone making it clear this was not a request. "You will become our personal maid. Fail us, and you know the consequences."
Your mind raced, but you knew there was only one answer. "Yes, Your Majesty," you agreed, bowing your head.
From that moment on, your life changed. You were no longer just another servant in the castle; you were under the direct scrutiny of the queens. They were demanding, their standards impossibly high, but you met each challenge with quiet determination.
As time passed, you learned more about them. Wanda, with her powerful presence and piercing gaze, and Natasha, with her calculating mind and cold demeanor. You discovered the complexities beneath their fierce exteriors, the reasons for their ruthlessness.
One evening, after a particularly grueling day, you found yourself alone with Wanda. She seemed different, almost... softer. "You surprise me, Y/N," she said, her voice thoughtful. "Most would have faltered by now."
"I'm just doing my best, Your Majesty," you replied, trying to keep your voice steady.
"And you do it well," she acknowledged, a hint of a smile playing on her lips.
In that moment, you realized that perhaps there was more to your role than you had initially thought. Maybe, just maybe, you could find a place here, earn their trust, and uncover the secrets that lay beneath the surface of their reign.
But for now, you would continue to serve, keeping your head down, your skills sharp, and your heart guarded against the enigmatic allure of the evil queens.
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Your days as the personal maid to Queens Wanda and Natasha had settled into a demanding yet predictable rhythm. The queens were strict, their expectations high, and every task carried the weight of your continued survival. Yet, amidst the constant pressure, you had begun to notice subtle shifts, particularly in Wanda's behavior towards you.
One evening, after a particularly grueling day, you were summoned to Wanda's private chambers. Your heart raced as you made your way through the dimly lit corridors, the flickering torchlight casting eerie shadows on the stone walls. You knocked softly on the heavy wooden door, waiting for her permission to enter.
"Come in," her voice called from inside, smooth and commanding.
You pushed the door open and stepped inside, closing it quietly behind you. Wanda was seated by the large window, her silhouette framed by the moonlight streaming in. She looked up as you entered, her expression unreadable.
"You wanted to see me, Your Majesty?" you asked, keeping your head slightly bowed in respect.
"Yes, Y/N," she replied, her tone softer than usual. "Come here."
You approached her cautiously, stopping a few feet away. She gestured for you to sit on the nearby cushioned chair, and you obeyed, sitting down with your hands clasped in your lap.
Wanda studied you for a moment, her eyes intense but not unkind. "You've been here for some time now," she began. "You've proven yourself capable, resourceful, and... loyal."
"Thank you, Your Majesty," you said quietly, unsure of where this conversation was leading.
She stood and moved closer to you, her presence both intimidating and strangely comforting. "Do you enjoy your work, Y/N?" she asked, her voice holding an unusual note of curiosity.
"I take pride in my work, Your Majesty," you replied carefully. "I strive to meet your expectations."
She reached out, gently lifting your chin so you were forced to meet her gaze. "You've exceeded them," she said softly, her thumb brushing lightly against your skin.
You felt a blush creep up your neck at her touch, your heart pounding in your chest. "Thank you, Your Majesty," you murmured, your voice barely above a whisper.
Wanda's expression softened further, and she smiled—a rare and breathtaking sight. "You've done more than just meet expectations, Y/N," she said. "You've caught my attention."
You blinked in surprise, not daring to believe what you were hearing. "I... I'm honored, Your Majesty."
She chuckled softly, her eyes never leaving yours. "You've been so quiet, so diligent," she said. "But I see you, Y/N. I see your strength, your determination. And I find myself... intrigued."
Her words left you speechless, a mix of fear and excitement coursing through you. Wanda's hand moved from your chin to your cheek, her touch warm and tender. "Do not fear me," she whispered, leaning in closer. "I do not intend to harm you. Quite the opposite."
You swallowed hard, your mind racing. "What do you intend, Your Majesty?" you asked, your voice trembling slightly.
She smiled again, her lips tantalizingly close to yours. "I intend to show you my favor," she murmured, her breath warm against your skin. "To reward your loyalty and dedication."
Before you could respond, she closed the distance between you, her lips capturing yours in a soft, lingering kiss. Your eyes fluttered closed, and you found yourself leaning into her, the world around you fading away.
When she finally pulled back, her eyes were filled with an emotion you couldn't quite decipher. "You are special, Y/N," she said quietly. "Remember that."
You nodded, still dazed from the kiss. "I will, Your Majesty."
Wanda's smile widened, and she gently brushed a strand of hair behind your ear. "Good. Now, go and rest. You have earned it."
You rose to your feet, feeling a strange mix of emotions. As you left her chambers and made your way back to your quarters, you couldn't help but wonder what the future held. Wanda's affection was both a blessing and a danger, and you knew you would have to navigate it carefully.
But for now, you allowed yourself a small moment of happiness, the memory of her kiss lingering on your lips as you drifted off to sleep.
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The days following your intimate encounter with Queen Wanda were filled with a peculiar mixture of anxiety and anticipation. You carried on with your duties as usual, but there was an underlying tension in the air, a sense that something significant had shifted. Wanda's affectionate gaze lingered on you more often, and you couldn't help but wonder if others had noticed.
One afternoon, as you were meticulously arranging fresh flowers in the grand hall, you felt a presence behind you. Turning, you found yourself face-to-face with Queen Natasha. Her eyes were as cold and calculating as ever, but there was a new intensity in her gaze that made your pulse quicken.
"Y/N," she said, her voice low and authoritative. "Come with me."
Your heart pounded as you followed her through the labyrinthine corridors to a secluded study. Once inside, she closed the door with a quiet finality that sent a shiver down your spine.
"Sit," she commanded, pointing to a chair in front of a large, ornate desk.
You sat down, your hands clasped tightly in your lap, trying to steady your breathing. Natasha circled the desk and took a seat, her piercing eyes never leaving yours.
"I've noticed a change in Wanda," she began, her tone even but with an edge that made you nervous. "She seems... distracted. And I believe I know the reason why."
You swallowed hard, unsure of how to respond. "Your Majesty, I—"
Natasha held up a hand, silencing you. "Do not lie to me, Y/N. I am well aware of the kiss."
Your breath caught in your throat, and you felt a wave of panic. "I—"
"Do not be afraid," she said, leaning forward, her eyes narrowing. "I am not here to punish you. In fact, I have a proposition."
You blinked in surprise, the tension in the room thickening. "A proposition, Your Majesty?"
"Yes," Natasha replied, her voice dropping to a seductive whisper as she leaned closer. "Instead of simply being our maid, would you like to be our plaything?"
Your eyes widened, and your mind raced. The suggestion was both thrilling and terrifying. "Your Majesty, I—"
She reached out, taking your chin in her hand, her grip firm yet not painful. Her eyes bored into yours, making it clear that this was not a casual offer. "Wanda seems to have taken a liking to you that just won't go away," she continued. "And I will do whatever necessary to make her happy."
Her words sent a shiver through you, a mix of fear and desire coursing through your veins. How could you say no to them when everything about them made you want them? You took a deep breath, trying to steady your voice.
"Of course, Your Majesty," you replied, your voice trembling slightly. "It would be the highest of honors to serve you and Queen Wanda however you need."
A slow, satisfied smile spread across Natasha's lips. "Good," she purred, releasing your chin and leaning back in her chair. "You will continue with your duties as usual, but you will also be available to us whenever we desire. Do you understand?"
"Yes, Your Majesty," you said, nodding.
Natasha's smile widened, a predatory glint in her eyes. "Very well. You may go."
You rose from your chair, bowing your head respectfully. As you turned to leave, Natasha's voice stopped you.
"And Y/N," she added, her tone almost teasing, "do not disappoint us."
You nodded once more, then quickly left the room, your mind spinning. The proposition was both a dangerous game and an intoxicating possibility. As you resumed your duties, you couldn't help but wonder how this new dynamic would unfold, and what it would mean for your place in the castle.
That night, as you lay in bed, you couldn't shake the feeling of Natasha's intense gaze and Wanda's tender kiss. The queens had ensnared you in their web, and there was no turning back. You only hoped you could navigate their desires and demands without losing yourself in the process.
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The past few weeks had been a whirlwind of intense and secretive encounters with the queens. Each interaction left you more entranced by their power and allure, yet there was always a lingering sense of danger. Wanda's tender kisses and Natasha's possessive touches had become a regular part of your life, blurring the lines between duty and desire. But until now, your encounters with them had remained separate.
Today was different.
You were summoned by Queen Wanda, a call that usually filled you with a mix of excitement and trepidation. Her affection was addictive, and you found yourself craving her attention more with each passing day. However, when you stepped into their private chambers, the sight that greeted you made your heart skip a beat.
Both queens were there, their regal clothes splattered with blood. Panic surged through you as you rushed over to them, your hands trembling as you cupped their cheeks, frantically checking for any cuts or stab wounds. To your immense relief, you found none.
"You're not hurt," you breathed, your voice filled with concern and confusion.
Natasha's grip on your wrist was sudden and firm, pulling you towards her. Her kiss was rough, almost punishing, and you found yourself melting into it despite the intensity. Her other hand tangled in your hair, holding you in place as her lips claimed yours. The taste of her was intoxicating, and you barely registered Wanda moving behind you until you felt her soft kisses trailing along your shoulders and neck.
Wanda's hands slipped around your waist, holding you gently but securely. Her lips and tongue worked their magic on your skin, sending shivers of pleasure down your spine. You were caught between them, their combined presence overwhelming and exhilarating.
"Don't worry, my sweet," Wanda whispered against your neck, her breath warm and soothing. "The blood isn't ours."
Natasha broke the kiss, her eyes dark and filled with desire. "We had some... business to attend to," she explained, her voice low and seductive. "And now we want to attend to you."
Your mind swirled with a thousand thoughts, but all you could focus on was the sensation of their hands and lips on your body. Wanda's fingers traced patterns on your skin, while Natasha's grip tightened, a perfect balance of tenderness and dominance.
"You've been such a good girl," Wanda murmured, her voice like honey. "Always so eager to please us."
Natasha's lips curled into a predatory smile. "And now it's time for us to show you just how much we appreciate your devotion."
They guided you towards the large, luxurious bed, each movement coordinated and purposeful. As you lay down, Wanda climbed beside you, her hands never leaving your body. Natasha followed, her eyes never leaving yours as she leaned in for another kiss, this one slower, more deliberate.
Wanda's hands roamed over your torso, her touch gentle yet electrifying. "Relax, my darling," she cooed, her lips brushing against your ear. "Let us take care of you."
Natasha's hand slid under your shirt, her fingers tracing the outline of your bra. "You belong to us now," she whispered, her voice sending a thrill of excitement through you. "Body and soul."
Caught in their embrace, you felt a surge of emotions—fear, desire, love, and a deep-seated need to please them. You nodded, your voice barely a whisper. "Yes, Your Majesties."
Their eyes gleamed with satisfaction at your submission. Together, they undressed you with a mix of urgency and reverence, their hands and mouths exploring every inch of your skin. The room was filled with the sound of your gasps and their murmured words of affection and desire.
Wanda's lips captured yours in a sweet, lingering kiss, her hand cradling your face as if you were the most precious thing in the world. "You're ours," she whispered against your lips.
Natasha's hands moved lower, eliciting a moan from you as she found your most sensitive spots. "Forever," she echoed, her voice a promise and a command.
In their arms, you felt a profound sense of belonging, a connection that went beyond mere physical attraction. They were your queens, and you were their treasured plaything, caught in a web of power, passion, and unspoken loyalty.
As the night wore on, you surrendered yourself completely to their touch, their love, and their power, knowing that you were exactly where you were meant to be—at the mercy of the queens who ruled your heart and soul.
@dorabledewdroop
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ms-demeanor · 16 hours
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Man, another "poor person who doesn't want to get mad at poor people but is in a situation that is definitely pinching" thing happened last week.
The plasma center makes you do an annual physical but they stop appointments at 6pm and weekend appointments are booked out for a while in advance and you can only schedule an appointment so far in advance and I get off work at 5:30 and because of schedule fuckiness if you go on a weekend you have to either commit to going on weekends or you basically have to accept at least one week where you're going to make less than forty bucks but the plasma center is only like twelve miles away from my house so i scheduled an appointment at six and they give you a grace period of ten minutes so I tried to go but traffic was *atrocious* so I'm sitting on the freeway at 6:07, still seven miles from the center, trying to keep my shit together because missing this appointment means bad things in terms of juggling power bills and credit card payments and traffic finally gets to an overpass and the reason everything is so slow is because people have done a Free Palestine banner drop and are waving Palestinian flags on the bridge and on the one hand I was so glad to see that and to honk and wave to them and on the other hand that was May seventeenth and the next appointment for a physical was June 1st so that's like two hundred dollars and I don't want to be mad but oh man it is hard to not feel that two hundred dollars.
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koolades-world · 18 hours
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Hiya! Hoping you’re having a good day :)
Can I ask for the Obey me! Brothers and the side characters for how they’d react to a low iron MC who just faints in front of them?
For example Beel would give MC more snacks which are rich in iron along side all of his snacks, just making sure they’re getting their iron.
Thank you! <3
hello! yes, of course :)
enjoy <3
Mc with low iron who faints in front of the brother + side characters
Lucifer
he looks calm but he's so freaking out inside haha
he does know what he's doing though and he stays by your side until you come to again
he makes a rule for the house that every dinner cooked must have at least one iron rich food in it so you get some daily
Mammon
he's for sure panicked, because you're his human after all
he uses his own lap as a pillow for you while he waits for you to come back
after this, he's ten times more protective and practically never leaves your side. he's holding your hand a lot more with some vague excuse of protecting you haha
Levi
he's full on panicking
he does need someone to quickly snap him out of it so he can help you
past you knew this might happen, so you told him what to do, and once you're awake again, he thanks you and sends you lots of tips he found online for low iron
Satan
he actually catches you but he wasn't actually expecting you to have passed out
he's very put together and makes sure you're breathing before setting you down, head on his jacket so it doesn't have to be on the floor
once you're awake again, he's not pestering you, but he does ask you and make sure you're meeting your iron requirements. if not, he'll help make sure you do :)
Asmo
he's the type to scream and cause a scene
but, it gets you the help you need and when you wake back up, he's crying happy tears and hugging you
he makes sure you add irons pills to your supplement routine and that you won't be getting too much iron now thanks to that
Beel
he's concerned but he's oddly silent the entire time
he totally forgets about his food and watches over you carefully
when you're back, he digs through his snacks and finds one high in iron and actually saves all of those for you in the future <3
Belphie
he seems pretty calm, and he is, but a small part of him is panicking
but, he knows how to help you and he knows freaking out won't do you any good
once you're awake again, he helps to soothe any injuries you may have gotten and puts in more effort to ensure you're getting your needed iron intake
Diavolo
he really wished he was calmer throughout the entire ordeal, but he was very worried
he lets barbatos care for you and when you wake back up, he's by your side
he's already arranged an appointment with his doctor to make sure this doesn't happen again
Barbatos
he's very collected and knows exactly what to do
he elevates your legs and makes sure you're breathing until you wake up
after this, every time you come over for dinner, he makes sure all the food is iron rich and that it's something you'll be sure to ask seconds of <3
Simeon
another one who's very calm and knows how to help you
after you wake he, he makes sure you're not hurt after your fall
he has you rest for the remainder of the day so he can monitor your condition and feed you dinner
Luke
he's so so worried about you
he'll be right next to you the entire time, very close to crying
once you wake back up, he's hugging you so tightly and is finding ways to sneak more iron into your diet through the desserts he gifts you
Solomon
he's quick to use a spell to wake you back up
he arranges for someone to craft a quick bowl of fruits high in iron for you to snack on while he checks your vitals
you notice him keeping a much closer eye on you from then on, but you're not opposed to it
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bigtreefest · 2 days
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Chapter 8: Golden Hour
From: You Catch More Bees With Honey Series
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Pairing: Mob! Bucky x Farmer! Reader
Summary: The sun sets on Bucky’s last week of the deal to work on your farm
Word count: 2,138
Content/warnings: kissing, cuddling, shaky voices aka holding back crying and emotions, avoiding a sensitive topic, drinking, pet name usage
Author’s Note: Although this chapter is kinda sad, I think it’s sweet to see how much they care for each other. You can really tell neither is looking forward to the separation but they’re both too stubborn to say something about it.
This is a shorter chapter, too, but I hope you enjoy! I’d love to hear your feedback!
Dividers by @firefly-graphics
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Bucky stayed on the phone with Andy for the better part of an hour to make sure he had all of the information. According to Barber, since the cow was given to you ‘in good faith,’ legally, you could keep it without being considered as in debt to Cole. That was a relief, and throughout the weekend, Bucky was being…well, Bucky. His normal controlling self, or at least as much as he could be while still under your roof.
All you wanted to do was enjoy your midday snack on Sunday afternoon before heading back out to do some minor maintenance work when he gave you an update.
“I’ve already gotten Jensen to set up an appointment with a vet who can scan it for chips or any nefarious devices to make sure we’re not being tracked or listened to.”
You stoped midway through biting your granola bar, gesturing with it out to the side of your house where the cow had been staying in surprise.
“Jensen? My ex, Jensen? You’re really working together? I thought you hated him. Fixing the cave wasn’t a one-and-done?”
Bucky shrugged as he looked through your cabinets for something to satisfy his cravings, already half-tired from starting to repair a shed with you and finding schematics for a porch swing. “Well, I technically do hate him, and it’s more like he’s working for me than us working together, but I saw how he’d give up anything to help you, and someone with that quality is worth keeping around.”
He finally settled on a cheese stick and a couple crackers before turning to face you. “Plus, the fact that somehow you don’t hate him helps a little, but I’m still gonna keep him in check.”
You smiled and nodded, throwing away your wrapper and going for another sip out of your water bottle. “Hm, I see. I hope that new training you sent him through will prove useful for the future. Seal his loose lips right up.”
Bucky stopped mid-chew, afraid to look at the knowing smirk on your face. You really were too perceptive for his own good. “Um, yeah. Be a shame to waste it on someone we don’t plan on using. Now hurry up and finish that water bottle. Gotta make sure you’ve got enough energy to finish the repairs on that shed this afternoon so your little cow has a place to lay her head outside. Plus, Curtis is coming over later to help me with a surprise and I’ve gotta make sure I’m ready for him.”
“I wouldn’t be worried about my energy, cowboy. Hope you can keep up.” And with a wink, you polished off your water and walked toward the door to slip on your boots and get back to work.
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After a mostly restful weekend, you woke up bright-eyed and bushy-tailed on Monday morning, the last of the month, the last of- no. You didn’t want to think about that. Instead, you took this early hour as a chance to be productive before you had to get Bucky up. A chance to fill your mind with anything but that thought. You figured you’d get a jump on gathering the eggs. You had time to make a breakfast casserole, that could be good. And then do the crossword from yesterday you hadn’t touched? And maybe read? Really, anything to keep occupied before you had to face the music.
Before you knew it, the oven beeped to signal the end of the casserole’s bake time. You pulled it out and slipped off your oven mitts, running on the cool wooden floors in your socked feet to the staircase and going up to Bucky’s room.
You lightly knocked on the door and cracked it open to see a lump tangled up in the old comforter. As you slowly crept forward over the creaky floor, you could just barely make out the rise and fall of his body. You hated to wake him as he looked so peaceful, but it was time for work, and sleeping in any longer would just postpone the inevitable and waste your valuable time together.
You took a seat on the edge of the bed and rubbed his shoulder gently. “Jamie, rise and shine. Time to get going.”
He groaned and rolled over, squinting at you through the one eye he could pry open.
“Hmmmm. Honey, didn’t I earn an extra five minutes? I’ve been so good and done all the shit you’ve asked of me lately.”
You let out a breathy laugh at his gruff morning voice as he reached out for you, throwing his arms around your hips and shuffling to place his head in your lap. You stroked his hair, basking in the early morning moment.
“Watch your tongue, but yes, you did, and I gave it to you fifteen minutes ago, so get up and ready for the day.”
Bucky grumbled lowly against your jean-clad thigh. “Fuck off, Steve.”
You remained silent until he turned his head up to look at yours at the lack of response. Bucky’s tired eyes were met by your firm warning glance, causing him to backtrack immediately.
“Um, sorry, I, uh… I meant of course, honey, excited to start my ….” His voice began to shake. You could’ve finished the sentence for him. You knew what he was going to say. His last week on the farm. But you didn’t. You didn’t finish his sentence because you didn’t want to hear it either. You simply patted his head and nodded, your eyes slightly more watery than before. You tried to play it off as a yawn before gently lifting him from your lap and standing again.
“Yeah. That’s what I thought.” Your attempt at a snarky reply came out as a whisper, caught somewhere in your throat, where you attempted to clear it out before starting again. “Breakfast is already cooked, just cooling right now. I’ll go ahead and serve it up. I hope you’re dressed and ready, downstairs before it gets too cold.”
By the time Bucky had the chance to process your words and demeanor and nod, you had already turned around and headed back downstairs.
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Besides the successful vet appointment, the rest of the days of the week were quite similar to the way Monday went, although Bucky kept getting up earlier, and pushing you to stay up later, not wanting to waste a single second with you.
The farm work went smoothly, much faster than you had recalled your first weeks with Bucky being, considering he couldn’t do a single thing without you by his side back then. The two of you still worked alongside each other, but now it made everything go twice as fast instead of creating roadblocks.
The fields were getting long enough to make hay bales, so you officially got to take Bucky up into the big green tractor and show him the way to properly weave and maneuver through the fields to cut it, turn it, and bale it. You didn’t miss the way he smirked when you told him the piece of equipment you’d be using for the job. That song, ‘Big Green Tractor,’ had played several times in the bar and it didn’t take too long for Bucky to catch on to the innuendo, but he didn’t do anything about it…yet.
For some of the other tasks, Peter came along, too, learning how everything worked. He caught on quickly, which was reassuring because you weren’t sure how things were going to be without Bucky by your side in the coming weeks. The increased speed on everything helped you to finish up earlier than usual, too, giving you most of the night for just relaxing with the two of them. Well, mainly Bucky, since Peter stayed out of the way when he could. You’d had enough time to hang out for a couple hours before dinner, then finish up the evening checks and milkings, and then go back to decompress before bed.
That gave plenty of time for you to go do something with Bucky, just the two of you outside of chores, outside of his scheduled phone calls, to just be. And then each night, after you changed into pajamas, Bucky crawled into your bed with you, his arms wrapped you in a tight embrace, holding lazy, yet deep conversation until the first one between the two of you fell asleep.
This new arrangement with no signs of Bucky returning to his old quarters allowed Peter move into the house. Sure, it may not have been that exact room in favor of one of the other guest rooms, but you insisted that now that the rest of the crew had finished up their work in the mines, there was no sense in him staying alone in the barndiminium. Especially if he was to be here for the foreseeable future.
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Another night, another chance for you and Bucky to enjoy the sunset out in the rocking chairs, facing west. Except, Bucky wasn’t the biggest fan of any sort of seating with armrests that might block your closeness, so the two of you sat pressed up against each other on the front porch swing, the surprise for you that Curtis had come over to help Bucky build earlier in the week.
You weren’t all alone in these moments, though. Sure, all the people around you knew to stay away and give the two of you privacy in these times, but it was different for the farm animals. As you leaned back against Bucky’s chest, his arms around your waist and head tucked over your shoulder, satisfied yet worried thoughts filling your heads, the two of you would laugh as the sheep and cattle dogs would run up to you, accompanied by the mini highland cow that you’d decided to let Decks name the next time she visited.
The week had flown by already, full of nights like this, the two of you sitting in the glow of the golden hour that Bucky would surely miss in the city, sharing kisses and everything you could think of.
The air was just cool enough on Friday night when the sun went down to make a bonfire. Cherry had the night off for once, so Curtis had brought her over for a small picnic in one of the fields before joining the two of you by the fire.
You and Bucky had made an ice bucket of beer for the occasion, sipping lightly throughout the easy conversation, your back to his chest as his was against a log, the both of you sitting on an old quilt. Curtis and Cherry were doing the same as you got to know the girl who seemed to be stealing his heart.
“So Houston, huh? How do you feel about here?” Bucky gestured across the fire to her with his bottle.
“Yeah, kind of glad to be out of there, though. Have some time to take it slow away from the city, ya know? What about you? You’re not from around here either, right?”
You did your best to hide your wince at Cherry’s response. Sure, she was just being nice and holding genuine conversation. You couldn’t blame her for not knowing the way you and Bucky were trying to ignore any topics that even came close to his departure or what he was doing here in the first place.
Bucky was much better at hiding his true emotions, though, a product of his livelihood. “Yeah, city life has been good to me. Doesn’t mean I don’t love it out here just as much, though. I think I’ve gained a whole new perspective on this place and the people just from a month.” He gave a small smile with his response which Cherry returned with a nod before Bucky leaned forward to give you a kiss on the cheek.
“I feel that. I kind of already feel at home. But you’re not sticking around, right? Curtis told me this was one of your last nights in town.”
There it was. She said it out loud, creating a pang of pain in both your and Bucky’s chests. He cleared his throat, throwing a quick glance at his stoic pal across the fire, and Curtis seemed completely unbothered. Perhaps he wasn’t aware of how much you and Bucky cared for each other. And maybe he was right for that. As soon as Bucky left, he had to go back to his normal, busy schedule that poor Steve had been maintaining this whole time, and then some. Bucky wouldn’t have space in his schedule to come back here or worry about you for anything but business, right?
You let out a shaky breath as Bucky rubbed his hand along your side, responding just barely loud enough to overtake the crackling fire. “Yeah.”
Next >
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Bonus A/N: when things heat up to be pulled apart…I’m sure there a scientific term for that (entropy?)
Series Taglist: @scuzmunkie @openup-yourmind @vicmc624 @hawkeyes-queen @blackhawkfanatic @morgthemagpie @buckybarnessimpp @calwitch @thesarcasmqueen-22 @mrsnikstan
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cyanbugremix · 21 hours
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Glasses - Stories of the Shaw Pack
Characters: Angel/David
CW: None; Fluff
Written in December 2023
Summary: David keeps getting headaches and Angel suggests he gets glasses
Can be found ✨here on Ao3✨, written by moi (cyan_bug37 on Ao3)
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Angel heard the growl from David’s office. Being curious they stopped putting the dishes away to go see what was wrong with their mate. They briskly walked as another series of annoyed muttering filled the house.
“Davey?” Angel knocked on the doorframe. “Are you okay?”
David swiveled his office chair around, rubbing his forehead. Angel came closer, wondering if he somehow hurt his head.
“I’m fine, Angel,” David grumbled.
“Why are you grumbling then?”
“My head hurts.”
Angel confusedly frowned, “Again?”
David got up from his chair, rubbing in between his eyebrows. He walked toward the kitchen.
Angel picked at their nails and followed. What could be causing these headaches? They come and go. . . and it seems it only really happens when he’s. . .
“I have an idea of what might be causing your headaches.”
“What?” David sighed as he opened a cabinet, still fixated on finding ibuprofen for his headache. He grabbed out a bottle and squinted to read it.
“You need glasses.”
There was a long silence as David paused. He moved again to open the bottle but still didn’t reply. He looked to see how many he needed to take, but the pain worsened and he scrunched up his eyes.
“Angel, can you tell me how many I can take?” Angel took the bottle out of his hands, and poured out the correct amount. David quickly swallowed them and put the bottle back.
“This is just proving the point,” Angel continued.
David scoffed. “I don’t need glasses.”
“Yet you can’t read what the pill bottle says, and you can’t look at your computer screen or notes without forming a headache.” Angel leaned back onto the counter.
David leveled his gaze with them, “It only has happened a few times.”
“This week,” Angel added. “And this happened last week, as well.”
David rolled his eyes. “I’m gonna go back to work.”
Angel dejectedly sighed at his response. While David was good at making sure he was healthy, he rarely accepted things that meant he wasn’t at his top performance. They followed him again.
“David.”
This caused him to freeze. They never called him that.
“Go see the eye-doctor. Please? For me?” Angel got close enough to put a hand on his arm. He scanned their face before nodding.
“Okay.”
- - -
The next week, David had set up an appointment with the optometrist. He didn’t want to believe that he needed glasses. He was as healthy as he could be. He made sure he exercised, ate the right food and vitamins, and he could still see things just fine. How could he need glasses? Would his mother have needed glasses? He didn’t remember his dad having any. He was a shifter, weren’t they supposed to have the best eyesight?
David made a note to try out shifting later to see if he still had good eyesight in that form.
His appointment came and went, and to his annoyance, he needed reading glasses. He picked out the frames at the end of the session, and was told they would send him his pair in the mail later that week.
Angel kept pestering about his appointment later that day. They immediately went out to find him in the kitchen, only taking a moment to take off their shoes at the entry, and asked what the doctor said. He had told them that they were right.
“I’m glad I could help,” They smiled. David counted the seconds, already knowing what his mate was going to ask next.
“What frames are you getting?”
David crossed his arms, “Not telling.”
“What?! But I suggested that you should go to the doctor in the first place,” Angel exclaimed, wrapping their arms around his middle. “Don’t I get to know what my stunning mate will look like?”
David’s face heated up at the sudden dramatic display. “It’ll be a surprise for you.”
“But I don’t like surprises.”
“You’ll have to like this one.”
Angel groaned into his chest. David chuckled and placed a kiss onto the top of their head. He held them for a moment longer before suggesting they start working on dinner.
The whole time, Angel kept getting distracted by imagining and guessing what frames he got. Were they rectangular? Circular? Both? Did he get a fun color? Probably not. Black? Golden? Silver?
“Can you at least tell me what vibe you give off when wearing them?” Angel wondered.
“Vibe?”
“Yeah! Like are you stoic, more than you already are? Does it make you look preppy? Do you look like a professor? Does it make you look like an old man?”
David laughed. “You’ll see. They’ll be here by the end of the week.”
- - -
Saturday came and Angel practically squealed when they grabbed the box out of the mailbox. They raced back inside.
“Oh Davey~” They sang. “Look what came in the mail!”
Angel went into his office, and brought it to his desk where David was sitting.
David pursed his lips as he opened the cardboard box. His eyes settled on the contents within. His glasses came in a boring, black case, with a free sample of cleaning solution. He opened up the case and took out the glasses.
He undid them carefully, as the unfamiliarity of the glasses made him wary of holding them. He looked over at Angel, who nodded encouragingly.
David placed them on his face. The rest of the world was blurry, but he could see his papers without feeling like his eyes were straining.
“Do they work well?” Angel quietly asked him.
“Of course, they work well. I went to the optometrist for them.”
Angel smiled, “No, I mean, do you like them?”
David turned to look at Angel, finding that their face was too blurry for his liking. “Yeah. What do you think of them?”
“I think you look handsome and intelligent,” Angel replied. David slid them down to the end of his nose, so he could see the rest of the world normally.
“Now you look like a hot college professor,” Angel laughed.
“You’re such a perv,” David commented. “Come here.”
David led their face down to his and gently kissed them.
Angel carded a hand through his hair before leaning to kiss his forehead. “I’m glad you won’t be having so many headaches anymore.”
David hummed in agreement, and turned to go back to his work. Angel began to walk away, but changed their mind.
Angel grabbed their phone out of their hoodie pocket.
“Hey, Davey? Look.”
David turned confused. Angel quickly took photos before giggling a “thank you” and running away.
David dragged a hand down his face thinking of all the trouble they could be causing. He gave a small smile before focusing on the spreadsheet again. Moments later, David’s phone started ringing. Asher. He swiped open the call.
“Nice glasses, big guy!”
He immediately hung up.
~~~~
As always, I have no ownership or rights to these characters, stories, or franchises. I write this to appreciate the content Redacted ASMR/audio makes. Anything I write is not official in their stories, other than using moments from the original story line. I make no profit from this.
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palmtreepalmtree · 4 months
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Made a phone appointment with the bank so I could take care of some financial stuff I've been procrastinating. I wrote it down. 3pm today.
At like... noon, I get a call and an email asking me to sign a release for some of the things I'll be doing today. At 2:30, in advance of the call, I do it.
3pm comes, no call from banker. I pull out the card I got when I made the appointment and call the number. No answer. I leave a message with my call back number.
I never hear from the guy until 5pm at which point he leaves a message vaguely referencing our scheduled appointment today and saying we close at 5pm.
Like... what? I'm the customer. I made an appointment. You have my phone number. Why are you waiting to call me back right when you're closing and then acting like I missed our appointment today?
I don't really want to chase this down, but I also don't want this to result in another procrastination on my part. My life is in shambles and I just want to take one productive step to doing better.
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goldkirk · 4 months
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I'm so proud of myself about finances in the past couple months. I still struggle with money but I did enough meditation and journaling and practicing about it to make myself able to actually face my loans and credit cards and savings and bills and start really truly organizing and addressing them for the first time in years instead of just flying by the seat of my pants.
Like. This is a huge deal for me. I've felt like I'm in deadly danger every time I've tried to think about money for years and years. I'm finally able to look it in the face and stare it down and start to organize and plan on purpose instead of just keeping up with the minimum to stay afloat. I'm so proud of myself.
It's still a refrain of "GUILT (funny link)" every time I think about money but I'm able to actually make spreadsheets and face the numbers and monthly tracking again, and even make a new full budget which I haven't been able to do in ages.
still feel guilt, overwhelm, and helplessness, but no longer feel as much deep elemental shame and terror. that's progress baby
#we don't need to talk about how many months and months of therapy visits and doctor appointments I put on credit cards#among other things#but I had to put my foot down about it a couple months ago and shout at myself a little saying HEY#I AM SHAKING YOU BY THE SHOULDERS I AM SHOUTING FOR YOU TO HEAR#OF COURSE IT WAS A TERRIBLE FINANCIAL DECISION BUT YOU WEREN'T EVEN EXPECTING TO BE ALIVE#THE CREDIT CARD DEBT WAS NECESSARY TO KEEP YOU ALIVE AND IT DID AND EVERYTHING ELSE IS WAY LESS IMPORTANT THAN THAT#why the FUCK are you feeling SO ASHAMED for making the best decision you knew how to make at the time???#just because you know NOW that you could have tried some other options doesn't mean you did THEN#you may have known enough to feel shame and guilt yes but you would never in a million years have gotten the help you needed fast enough#by attempting to go another route#you didn't trust anyone besides a very few handfuls of people and even them it wasn't fully#and the stress of running it through parental insurance was so terrifying to you bc you didn't know what that would do#and you never had cosigners for anything your whole adult life. it's OKAY#you fucking DID YOUR BEST#YOU HAVE LEARNED. YOU HAVE MADE CHANGES. YOU HAVE ALREADY DONE BETTER#YOU WILL CONTINUE TO LEARN AND IMPROVE OVER TIME#it is not the end of the world. even the utilities sending you to debt collections etc etc#YOU ARE FIGURING IT OUT ONE PIECE AT A TIME#MORE PEOPLE ARE ASHAMED AND AFRAID OF THEIR OWN FINANCES THAN YOU THINK#if the people who fought and argued with and shamed you for considering student loans much less taking them out#had wanted you to actually be financially safer and healthier#they could have just fucking helped out or cosigned your loans or actively helped you find other solutions#instead of spending months and months telling you it was the worst decision ever and would ruin you financially for decades and such#you made the best decisions you could with the level of terror and knowledge that you had. it was enough to keep you alive.#isn't that enough?#isn't it a victory to survive?? isn't that enough??????#god i'm cringing at sharing this but if it's been this hard for me surely at LEAST one of you has also made financial mistakes or regrets#and seeing me be honest that I fucked it all up too and it's a mess and I'm just climbing back through it as best as I can as I go#will hopefully make at least one of you feel a tiny bit less alone
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dontmeanyoudontmissit · 3 months
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voulezloux · 8 days
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#idk how to tag this but it’s about my dad who i just went NC with bc he’s abusive and hasn’t changed#so if you don’t want to read keep scrolling i don’t care i just need to fucking do something#i’ve passed rage and now i’m just sad#and i feel bad about being sad bc i don’t want to be sad bc being sad SUCKS#i feel like i’m burdening my friends by telling them the shit my dad did to me#ik realistically im probably not but i just#only three people would truly understand the situation#my mom my sister and my childhood best friend#my sister is off limits bc i’m not putting her in the middle of this again#my mom was also abused by my dad and i don’t want to trigger her or make her feel bad so i don’t feel like#i can always go to her about this shit#and i don’t want to take advantage of my best friend’s listening ear even though she is being supportive of me and everything#like i just feel guilty and i feel like im burdening others with my burden#i want it to all stop i just want to stop being sad#i want to stop feeling like im 7 year old me hiding in the pantry from my dad#i don’t want to go to work i don’t want to do anything really#and it’s not like i want to die i just want to stop feeling like this#i want to stop feeling like i somehow fucked everything up when it was my dad’s fault#ik i should book another therapy appointment but i can’t with the way my week is next week#and idk i’m just#im not having a good time#i’ve taken an ativan every night this week bc of all this#previous to this idk when the last time i took an ativan even was#and i’m not trying to read into it too much but its hard not to when ive gone literal months without taking it#and now i’m taking it every night so i don’t stay up half the night bc my brain won’t shut up
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daydadahlias · 4 months
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Omg I just saw your post about having to fill out a student alert form. Are you ok? Are you safe?
hi Dee :) ok so,,, some Jess lore right now is that I am currently being <3 stalked <3 a little bit irl. which is obviously not great lmfao and I am nOt loving it but I'm safe and I'm ok !!! my life is not in danger. it hopefully will not progress any further now that I've talked to my boss about it and she made me file a student alert form abt the whole thing but !! yeah. it's been. a very frustrating few weeks here in the real world :/
#pigeon#dee#for some context i work at this writing center at my school#assistant director of it in fact :salute:#and when i was doing research last semester for MiM (isn't it funny how all these things loop together)#i had a tinder for a couple days that I used to understand online dating dfghj and to write the chapter where ash/cal make ashton's tinder#and anyway i matched w/ this guy. and we talked for a day#and then i deleted the app bc I was done w/ my research lol#fast forward to now... turns out !! he goes to my school !!#and comes to my work to schedule appointments with Only me#he refuses to go to any other consultant#and he keeps trying/pressuring to ask to work on papers Outside of the writing center#and during appointments he always tries to ask me personal questions about <3 where I'm from and what I do on the weekends <3#and like he saw me at dinner recently on my day off and came and. sat with me at dinner. even tho I was like ~please leave me alone~#and emails me outside of writing center hours to ask to meet and look at his paper#and like ! no ! u fuckwad im not doing that lol#so yeah it's been a Constant thing these last four weeks and it's just been Annoying. but after the whole#dinner thing and the email thing. and then another thing today <3#i talked to my boss and she was like 'ok yeah this is a stalker situation and you need to report it'#soo i did#and we'll see if anything comes of that !!#i love being me it's very fun and exciting#i love how casually i can say I'm being stalked#bc this is not the first time this has happened dfghjk#which makes me sound like sUCH A PICK ME#but this will be my third time being stalked on this college campus#kind of a veteran at this point not to brag
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arctic-hands · 10 months
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I learned what a bullet journal was by watching a few YouTube artists set theirs up and my algorithm spiraled out of control from there so I guess I have all the bujo influencers to thank for getting into it because it has been a godsend so far on my third attempt, but damn if the over emphasis on aesthetic over the actual practical organizational aspect of it doesn't rankle me a bit
[thirty rambling tags later] huh. I didn't know there was a thirty tag limit in all the years I've been on tumblr. Whatevs I can't copy paste the tags onto the main body because I'm on mobile and I don't want to write it out again so I'll just summarize the last bit here:
If you are browsing the bujo tag because you feel bullet journaling will help you but you feel intimated because you don't think you can make it look pretty, or that the bullet journal method could never help you because it looks exhausting or the inspo you see doesn't cover what you need, I am pleading with you to ignore all the pretty inspiration, take the most common and even original Ryder Carroll formats and spreads with a grain of salt and eliminate or change them as needed, and talk to people who have similar needs than you even if they don't bujo and suss out what's important to keep track of. My bujo is eighty percent important medical bullshit, because that's what I need more than a book tracker. You prolly have your own unique needs. And hell, if you want a book tracker then add a booktracker. It's your bujo to format and plan out.
So like if you want to start bullet journaling, go to Michaels and get a seven dollar Artist's Loft dot grid journal. Or a binder you have left over from school years past and print out your own dot grid paper if you have enough ink and paper and printer that can do double sided (Kevin McLeod's site I forget the name of has free adjustable dot and other grids I've used), or buy a pack of 8.5x11 dot grid paper, and grab a crappy hole punch that just barely does the job. Get yourself a nice pen you think looks and feels nice in your hand and on the paper–or if that doesn't matter to you go get pack of Bics or even pencil if that's what you prefer (I use a pencil for things I can't have be permanent, like temporary meds or the dates of yearly vaccines). If you're twitchy about messing up then get the cheapest wite out they have (but don't worry about messing up especially if you're not even showing it off to anybody). A cheap yellow highlighter if you think it'll help. And a ruler if straight lines are important to you. I lost mine so I just wobble my lines now I don't care (and it's marginally easier to get a line adjacent to straight with a dot grid)
Anyway. If you want to bullet journal but don't know where to start or how to make it pretty or how to make it work for your needs, just try it in the cheapest way possible and rearrange the guts of the bujo as you see fit. And don't worry about the optics as long as you can make sense of your methods and writing.
(and for the love of God if you're bipolar don't make an hourly mood tracker yes our moods can and will fluctuate throughout the day but goddamn was that a bitch to log and abandoned a few weeks after inking it out)
#i see this with in regular journaling/diary circles too#people saying 'i want to start a bujo/diary but I'm not good enough at art ☹️'#like more power to you if you can make it pretty but it shouldn't be the primary emphasis especially with how useful it is#(it's especially depressing with just regular diaries and journals because like. you're under no obligation to share that shit with anybody)#I'm on my third bujo attempt because i got overwhelmed with my first two because i didn't know how to customize it with me and my needs#the most i got about symptom tracking was like a weekly layout checking off if the criteria was hit#and mood tracking was like daily smiley or frowny face in the corner#like my siblings in planning that is not enough for my chronically ill bipolar ass lol#i went way overboard my first attempt with just mood tracking. i planned it out HOURLY. every week#and that got overwhelmingly tedious and i use overwhelmingly deliberately. so i just stopped mood tracking#and then the whole thing got overwhelming so i stopped it entirely#gave it another shot because my method of scheduling things and symptom tracking was to write appointments and symptoms on post its#and pray they didn't fall off and i could remember where i even put them#and i see a lot of doctors so that was a LOT post its to keep track of#so i did another bujo but had the same problem as lack of resources and inspo and how to make it work for my needs#plus future logs were hard to parse AND i often felt too tired to lay out a new month or two every time#so like there were just whole months and the symptoms and appointments within just missing and i might as well not even have a bujo#so i stopped that one too#FINALLY after a little bit more watching Ryder Carroll and looking at prefab medical planners that were still woefully inadequate#AND MORE IMPORTANTLY talking to my fellow chronically ill. mentally ill. disabled. or all three. friends on what i should jot down#i finally got a system that worked for me thus far#i got rid of even staples like future logs and just laid out a monthly calendar format because that was easier FOR ME#and i laid out the year in advance so i could still have the scheduling part of i was too tired to do entire layouts at the beginning of the#month#my mood tracker was merged with my symptom tracker and turned into a symptoms *list*#with a section for every specialist i see. mood stuff just went under psych/therapist#also i switched to a binder format instead of a bound book for even more flexibility#i can easily remove things i no longer need. i can rearrange what goes in what section. i can easily add more to a section before the next#bujo#bullet journal
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just-rogi · 2 months
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#like I’m sorry#I love my best friend so so so much and she’s perfect and kind and has gone above and beyond to be rational and to be there for me#and I get it she’s an autistic woman and has faced adversity and has had to go on medical leave and that’s hard#and I’m not being dismissive of her struggles#but it makes me so angry because her parents unconditionally love her and her siblings and have always made her feel that way#and has never worried about money as a kid#and yeah her relationship with her parents isn’t perfect of course#but she literally cannot understand domestic violence beyond just reading about it in a book#like she did everything she can to understand and relate#but sometimes I want to scream because I feel so alone#because no one in my life fucking understands why I’m the way I am#and I’ve been struggling the past two months really badly with coping#I’ve had to go to the doctor to ask about PTSD and not like the tik tok OWO kind#but the I was in a car crash as a kid with my dad as a drunk driver and I keep getting flashbacks in my daily life to being a small child#that are impacting by daily life and interactions#and like I feel so fucking alone#and to hear from my friends ‘your right this is horrible and toxic but lots of people go through this’ ISNT FUCKING HELPING#I don’t want to hear that it’s normal I want to feel fucking safe in my bedroom without my mother blowing up my phone or calling the cops#I am unwell and I’m so stressed and I’m so sick and I can’t cope with this and none of the therapists I’ve tried to find handle ptsd#especially not therapists of color#I’m angry and I’ve been getting worse over the past two months#and not that it matters but due to ^^^ reasons my birthday has always been insanely fucking bad for me#like depression watch bad. when I turned twenty I was vividly hallucinating while walking around campus for a week straight having#flashbacks in class and I had to be taken out of the auditorium because I was physically unwell and couldn’t stop crying and shaking#and I told my friend I didn’t want to celebrate I just wanted to sit on her couch and not be alone and she fucking ditched me#because an emergency with a different friend came up the night before#like I have a history of suicidal ideation traumatic flashbacks eating disorders and self harm and I’m asking you to be with me on a very#upsetting day and you call me the night before telling me we have to cancel because another friend is having a bigger crisis#and like you don’t even feel a little bad about it??#I’m just upset and scared and I’ve got a doctors appointment tomorrow and I’m not in reality right now and that’s scary
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tardis--dreams · 1 year
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If this doesn't end Very soon I'll have to ask my professor to register my thesis in April rather than March because i don't think I can do this in the remaining 2 weeks in this state ahahaha
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girlscience · 10 months
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deleted youtube off my phone again, maybe it will stick this time. started duolingo japanese again, maybe it will stick this time. started doing math problems to relearn calc and physics, maybe it will stick this time. am going to the gym in the morning (psyched myself out this morning worried about time so I didn't go today), maybe it will stick this time. been working on keeping a clean kitchen, maybe it will stick this time. tried to get healthy(er) groceries yesterday, maybe it will stick this time. have actually read multiple books this year, maybe it will stick this time.... this isn't just a me problem right??? I feel like I am constantly spiraling around the things I want to do and never actually sticking to them. It's kind of exhausting.
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svnmouth · 7 months
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I think getting a hysterectomy would either help with my migraine issues or just give me different problems but I wont be able to know until next year minimum and even then I dont know if I can do a second surgery so soon. the way that birth control just utterly and completely fucks you over when youre starting it, when youre on it, and when youre getting off it is so. Idk if its even worth it to change my birth control if Im gonna get a hystrectomy in the vague soonish future even if I feel like absolute dogshit for an entire month for 1/3rd of the year.
#I take it back on whatever post I made recently about hrt. I think its making my migraine issues worse.#I would take back the smell issue over migraines that have me searching basic math to make sure Im still doing 3x3 correctly#in my head. and like. being unable to read more than a paragraph or two at a time.#honestly. Im really mad at myself for being caught off guard by that doctor and telling her I was on testosterone.#because now I have to jump through stupid fucking hoops to get a hysterectomy and shit and who knows what wouldve happened if I was able to#pretend I was cis. Im pissed about it. and OFCCCCCC she says 'yes I will make sure not to mention the trans thing outside of my notes!'#and WHAT does she label the appointment as?????? literally mentioning Im trans in the big ass header that my new primary doctor immediately#saw. like come on girl do your job better than this.#life sucks being disabled when you have to do all this crap. cant just Schedule a Surgery you have to go get approved by insurance and then#make sure someone can bring you and also you have food you can actually eat during recovery and take time off work and worry about money an#then find out insurance did not approve the surgery AT the appt and then you have to wait another 2 months to reschedule the surgery and do#all of the above alllll over again. but like even worse.#bro Im so stressed about money all the time my moms bills keep going up and her bills cost more than my monthly paycheck. its bad out here.#anyway. my nightly tag rant.
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