#if so was that a hint she could also channel or something even more sinister as book fans would know

[nervouspearl]

So um...maybe I went a little unhigned after watching episode 2.07 and wrote a whole piece about how it could make sense for Siuan to believe that Moiraine (and Lan?) have turned to the dark?

First of all, I should preface this by saying that I don’t 100% believe that this is what happened, or that this is the thought progress Siuan went through, but it seems at least plausible? Many have suggested that seeing Moiraine channel is what made Siuan believe that she could be a darkfriend, and that would explain Siuan enforcing the sacred oath despite Moiraine's pleas, but it didn’t sit right with me as the only explanation because Moiraine never directly told her that she was stilled, and therefore did not directly lie to Siuan about it.

But taking a few steps back and looking at the whole episode, and even the previous episode, and considering the possibility that the seed of doubt had been sown in Siuan from the moment Lan told her Moiraine had been stilled for months, it started to make more sense to me how the episode could unfold the way it did. Maybe I’m giving more credit to the writers than what they deserve and this is not what really happened at all, but it was an interesting thought experiment to go through.

Now, starting from episode 6. Siuan has been corresponding with Moiraine for 6 months after the Eye of the World, and not once has Moiraine even hinted at being stilled. Lan then appears out of the blue one night to stop her carriage, telling her that Moiraine has been stilled ever since taking Rand to the Eye of the World.

Now, that simply does not compute for Siuan. Her and Moiraine keep secrets from everyone else but never from each other. For 20 years they have shared this mission and the Moiraine she knows would not keep something so big from her, or so she had thought. 

So what does mean for Siuan? Either Moiraine has been stilled for six months and she hasn’t said anything to Siuan about it, or something even more sinister happened at the Eye of the World and the Dark One somehow got to Moiraine.

For the first time in her life, Siuan has to seriously doubt Moiraine, and by extension she also has to doubt Lan: because why is Lan the one to tell her that Moiraine has been stilled? If it’s a lie, of course it makes sense to send Lan to tell it, because if Moiraine herself was caught in a lie, it would immediately be obvious that she has broken the three oaths.

And so Siuan arrives in Cairhien, with 14 Aes Sedai in tow, because she doesn’t know what she is dealing with and whether she is entering a trap or not. She needs to see Moiraine, alone, to determine where they stand, but she can’t go there without reinforcements and a back-up plan.

It’s telling that she doesn’t disclose to the other Aes Sedai why they are there. As she tells Liandrin: “We’ll have to wait and see.” Even Siuan isn’t sure at this point what she will need the 14 Aes Sedai for, if for anything other than show. It will depend on her meeting with Moiraine.

Then she meets Moiraine, and immediately opens with “Why didn’t you tell me? Why didn’t you tell me you’d been stilled?” because that’s what it all boils down to.

She desperately wants to believe Moiraine and needs to hear her explain why she has not communicated this monumental thing to her before, but she finds Moiraine distant and defensive. They are alone but Moiraine isn’t talking to her. She is avoiding answering anything and is in fact countering Siuan’s questions with questions of her own (an effective way to avoid having to lie) and no matter how closely Siuan is looking (and she is looking very closely) she cannot glean the answers from Moiraine that she’s looking for.

As a last resort, she approaches Moiraine and tries to directly appeal to the love they share, the mission they share together and Moiraine visibly flinches under her touch before surrendering to it.

The change that has happened in Siuan's expression by the end of the “interview” is noticeable:

She still may not fully believe that Moiraine has pledged herself to the Dark, because that would be a huge leap, but it’s an option she now has to take very seriously and act accordingly.

Next she has to meet Rand. She is in no mood to have a real conversation with him, nor give him a pep talk like she did to Nynaeve and Egwene. She just needs to find out what she can and learn if Moiraine has actually held any part of their deal and taught him how to channel - the answer: she has not. Rand is completely useless and unprepared, which happens to be hugely convenient for the Dark One.

Siuan now knows what she must do: the Dragon Reborn must be separated from Moiraine, for the sake of the mission, if there is any chance that Moiraine is now a darkfriend (and maybe for Moiraine’s sake as well, because maybe things are not as bad as they seem and there is still something that can be salvaged) and at the moment, the best action Siuan can see before her is to fall on Tower protocol, especially, as Siuan has found during her interview with Rand, the Dragon Reborn is still weak and easy to control. They had tried their way and it now seems to have cost her Moiraine. What else is there to do now but try the other approach?

When Moiraine enters the room again, Siuan meets her, not as her lover, but as the Amyrlin: cold and detached.

When Moiraine asks “have you forgotten that day” it clearly affects Siuan. She has not forgotten. But has Moiraine?

“Of course I’ve not forgotten, but YOU were supposed to be with him”

Now, it’s unclear to me if Moiraine is imprisoned with Rand, or if she is there with him by her own will, but clearly she is at least under surveillance. Leane tells Verin not to let Moiraine get close to her, implying that Moiraine is now considered a threat. Presumably these are  instructions from Siuan.

Things are already bad, but they are about to get worse, and confirm Siuan’s worst fears which she still might not have fully allowed herself to believe.

Lanfear is on the loose, and Moiraine and Rand escape. Verin seems to be in on it too. The person that Moiraine recently spent several months with. (I’m not sure if Siuan knows that's where Moiraine was, but since she and Moiraine did correspond during those months, I assume Siuan was aware of her whereabouts.) It doesn’t look good.

Siuan rushes to find Moiraine and Rand because it’s now of paramount importance that they don’t leave the town together. The best case scenario remains that Moiraine has simply lost her mind due to being stilled, but the worst case, and now a seemingly very possible scenario, is that she could be worse than that. But still, Siuan has not let go of all hope and she goes alone to deal with the woman she loves - to try one more time to either reason with her or stop her by force.

She finds her at the waygate and arrives just in time to see that it’s Moiraine - the supposedly stilled Moiraine - who has opened it. Whatever hope she was still clinging onto is gone.

“You lied to me about being stilled.”

Moiraine denies it but what value do her words have anymore if she has pledged herself to the Dark and broken her oaths?  And she looks utterly unhinged too. This is not her Moiraine.

But also Siuan can’t play her hand and directly accuse her of being a darkfriend because what good would that do? If she is a darkfriend she can lie, so her words are worth nothing.

But there is another oath that Moiraine has made directly to Siuan. Maybe that’s been broken too, but it’s all Siuan has now.

Moiraine is begging her not to, and it’s almost enough to break Siuan’s resolve, but she can’t know anymore what Moiraine’s motivation is. Is she begging her not to enforce the oath because it’s wrong, or because it would reveal that she is no longer bound by it, or maybe there is even a possibility that she still is bound by this oath because her deal with the dark one only included freeing her from the three oaths of the Aes Sedai, and now being commanded by Siuan would simply prevent her from taking the Dragon Reborn to Ishamael?

Siuan's command works and it hurts her more than anything to watch Moiraine being moved against her will by a force she cannot resist, but maybe there’s also some relief in seeing that the oath is still in place. Maybe, just maybe, Moiraine has not turned to dark after all?

When Siuan looks at Moiraine after the deed is done, she sees  her Moiraine again and she is beyond sorry for what she has just done. There is a fleeting moment where things could have been said and misunderstandings cleared, but it's too short. There is not time, because Lanfear appears before any of those things can happen.

Siuan doesn’t have any answers yet, but one thing she knows is that she’s not going to let Lanfear go unopposed. It was a valid effort but completely useless. Siuan gets tossed aside as easily as she herself had just knocked out Lan.

Now, I don’t know how Siuan interprets the last things she sees before passing out, whether she believes now that Moiraine remains true to the mission and can appreciate the fact that Moiraine having managed to win Rand’s trust is a good thing. She is awake to see Lanfear about to attack Moiraine, and to see Rand stand between them, which should suggest that Moiraine and Lanfear are not working together, but then Moiraine does go with her to the ways, so it’s open for interpretation I guess, but that doesn’t really matter in the sense that it’s something that must be dealt with later. What matters more is what Siuan believes up until the moment she forces Moiraine to close the gate.

If this is what happened, it kind of makes sense to me. But I guess only time will tell what the real story is.

[everybodylovesrand]

Rafe/Rosamund Q&A

Q: Will there be a second trailer?

Rafe: Yes! and longer! What’s the thing you’d like to see most in it?

--

Q: For both Rosamund and Rafe - How do the final visuals effects align with what you had in mind when reading the script/filming on location?

Rafe: Making a TV show at its best is about collaboration about seeing how your initial version for something is lifted and changed and made better by the people around you. So my favourite visuals in the show are the ones that are far better than I’d ever imagined writing the scripts.

Rosamund: It’s so important to have a living vivid world inside your imagination when you are shooting sequences that will be completed with CGI, and the production have always made sure that we had plenty of visual references for how things would look as we went along. We have never worked on a set on which at least part of the world is not built. We have always had elements of the texture and atmosphere of the finished world to work with.

--

Q: Can we get some information on the composer or the score for the show? SO excited for this! Thank you both so much for bringing this to life!

Rafe: If Amazon lets this answer go through, this is me proudly announcing that we have the most incredible composer working on the show by the name of Lorne Balfe. You’ve gotten a tiny hint of his music with the reveal of the Logo, and what he’s doing is really special.

--

Q: For Rosamund: how different is acting in a high-fantasy TV show from your previous work?

Rosamund: The biggest most important challenge with fantasy is making the stakes your own, making the concepts and ideas that are so outside our own experience feel real and immediate.

--

Q: How much of the myrddraal is practical effects?

Rafe: The Myddraal, like almost all elements in the show, is as much practical as we could manage, enhanced by VFX. I always think that gives a more disturbing and real-feeling quality than full VFX creatures.

--

Q: My question is – What do you think Moraine’s favourite food is? (2) Does she prefer coffee or tea?

Rosamund: I don’t think Moiraine cares too much about food. (Rafe thinks she likes buffalo wings). She eats to live. But don’t worry, you will only ever see her drink tea.

Rafe: Buffalo wings.

--

Q: For Rosamund: How did you feel seeing Moiraine’s powers visually for the 1st time?

Rosamund: I felt like a badass. I said to Rafe when I first saw it, “I need this video of me shooting fireballs to show to my sons again, and again.”

--

Q: What is the show going to be rated? Will people be able to watch it with their teenagers?

Rafe: People should certainly be able to watch with their teenagers.

--

Q: How have you kept this trailer under wraps so long? Omg – it is perfect.

Rosamund: Thank you. The only thing we wanted was that it made people feel.

--

Q: How were you able to come up with how the weaving of the One power looks?

Rafe:  All of the VFX teams looking at the One Power were going off documents of descriptions of it pulled straight from the books, and using that as jumping off points.

Rosamund: I needed to feel that you would believe Moiraine had this power if there were no visual effects- the most important thing for me, was that I felt connected to something greater than myself. Robert Jordan is so eloquent about what it feels like to channel, the feeling of the one power filling your veins, the risk of it, the risk of drawing too much and the necessity of respecting it and being trained to use it.

--

Q: For Rosamund: What’s your favourite Moiraine speech?

Rosamund: Moiraine can be very silent so when she speaks, we listen. In the books it’s the “Weep for Manetheren speech”. The idea that in the people of the Two Rivers, the “old blood runs deep”.

--

Q: Can you bring the release date back a bit to like tomorrow or something?

Rosamund: Ask Rafe.

Rafe: Ask Amazon.

--

Q: How excited are you to see your audience responses after such a long wait?

Rafe: This is a complicated thing, because as a fan of many epic book series, seeing them brought to life is simultaneously thrilling and a little bit sad, as it changes forever a world that you saw in your own head while reading.

Rosamund: I love how warm and welcoming the Wheel of Time fan base have been. I hope we offer escape, excitement, mystery and something to keep people inspired through the end of the year.

--

Q: Which location was your favourite to film at? Specifically, in the show and in real life!

Rosamund: The world inside the walls of Shadar Logoth is particularly affecting and eerier. our production designer created a powerful, sinister set for the abandoned city. But for me as an actor: the city of Tar Valon was so rich: it was built from the ground up with the most intricate detail. It is stunning.

--

Q: Is the scene with Egwene in the water about her One-Power / Wisdom testing?

Rafe: I can answer that question at the end of the Season.

--

Q: What’s your favourite aspect of the WoT series?

Rosamund: My Warder. (awww!)

--

Q: How much will Season 1 cover? Book 1 or spread accross several? Looks amazing!!!

Rafe: Season One will cover Book One, plus some of Book Two and even Book Three. But also not all of Book One, as some of it is in Season Two. Cryptic enough?

--

Q: How may nightmares did that flaming Fade give you?

Rafe: Not many, as I will always remember him as Dan, who was spinning in circles on his horse on a Slovenian mountain doubling the Westwood.

Rosamund: His very feminine lips, concealing rows and rows or teeth give me nightmares… And don’t get me started on the skeleton mask his horse wears.

--

Q: What excited you the most about this series?

Rosamund: The amazing cast and the bond we all have!

--

Q: For Rosamund: Is this your first time acting with CGI effects? Is it harder than expected?

Rosamund: It was great. I did a full body scan on day one and then I never had to show up!

--

Q: For Rosamund: What was it about this story that spoke to you and made you want to play such an amazing female?

Rosamund: The way women of the Aes Sedai harness the elements of the universe to unleash incredible power: that interested me a lot. Playing an amazing female is always better than playing a mediocre female.

--

Q: Which parts of the trailer are you most excited for the fans to see the full version of in the show and why?

Rafe: I’m really thrilled for fans to see more of Winternight.

Rosamund: Shadar Logoth, the city where you really feel how the dark is a material substance that chases and consumes. The visual effects and the extremity of this sequence haunts me.

--

Q: How do you expect us to work today?

Rafe: Don’t! If I’m your boss, you have the day off.

Rosamund: I expect you to focus, and do your best as always. Sincerely, headmistress.

[noctilucentstorm]

Ghost Game Review: Episode 13

Executioner

Digimon are being assassinated with seemingly no pattern or motive. Hiro and the others try to stop this new foe, but an even greater enemy has been lurking.

Massive spoilers below the cut. You have been warned.

I was expecting a brutal episode given the preview and title, but I was definitely caught out by some of the more horrific elements. Poor Bokomon! I think one of the reasons it hit me so hard was that I had expected him to become one of the core supporting cast. Bravo to the writers for that set-up!

As an aside, I do wonder how they’ll censor this for the US dub (assuming we get one). Hopefully just cut out the frames with the knife going into the digimon? At least they won’t have to worry about editing out blood, but there is something still brutal about the digimon having daggers stuck into them.

At least we got a new, cute ending! Look at them! Almost makes up for the pain during the actual episode.

Characters

I know I’m biased towards them but I loved Jellymon’s little bit where she went to buy a kimono and talked about using Kiyoshiro’s credit card. We’ve had hints of her doing deals for digimon before (Sistermon Ceil being the most plot-relevant), but it is a reminder that, just like Angoramon, Jellymon has her own life outside her partner. Also, raises the question how Kiyoshiro can afford all this (assuming he also pays his own tuition), but I’d guess he’s either got a side job as an ethical hacker or mines bitcoin or something – I mean, he clearly understands multiple languages, so it is possible. I’ll be surprised if it’s ever explained, but weirder things have happened.

Sealsdramon was a fairly menacing villain, not least because at first I thought he was assassinating digimon who had broken human laws, which would’ve been interesting. However, it’s even more chilling when he reveals to the group that the deaths were just a number to him. I wonder how much of that is due to his evolution. Killing a bunch of digimon in order to get into the D Section is bound to mess up one’s psyche.

Finally, this guy is suitably terrifying! We’ve had brief hints of him from the start of the series, but I’ll admit I was always unsure how he’d actually turn up since Hiro seemed so chill. Turns out this evolution had nothing to do with Hiro, unless he’s been stopping Gammamon from evolving into GulusGammamon and channelling the energy for evolution into the other forms. It prompted me to rewatch the first episode when Hiro and Gammamon first meet.

Plot

I think what makes this episode so good and terrifying is that the little details from the previous episodes have finally come together in a really sinister way.

In the first episode, Gammamon greeted Hiro’s dad in a friendly manner, which I’d originally assumed was because Hakuto had created him. However, with the current episode’s events it now seems more likely GulusGammamon was somehow devolved (or reborn?) and taken in briefly by Hakuto. It also gives new perspective to his instruction for Hiro to treat Gammamon like a younger brother. Makes me wonder if he knew how dangerous Gammamon could be (probably, is my initial assumption).

We still don’t know BlackTailmon’s purpose or goals, but given they’re seen picking up a digi-egg it does make me wonder if they are some sort of guardian of (or bridge between) the worlds. It would explain their presence in the first episode. BlackTailmon was bringing Gammamon to Hiro, and giving him access to the digital fields… or at least making him aware of the mini-USBs.

And finally we have a mysterious BlackAgumon watching the proceedings. Do they know of GalusGammamon, or know him personally? It seems there’s another entity we may be introduced to soon enough.

Worldbuilding

Although it felt like a minor point, I liked the confirmation that the kids shouting their partners' attacks means something. My theory is it works as a power-up given GulusGammamon and Hiro's reactions.

And we now know how death works in this universe. I think the writers have balanced the stakes well. While digimon are reborn, it seems as if they don’t retain memories of their past life (at least, based on Bakumon and Angoramon’s explanation). Bokomon may return, but he will not remember any of the cast or the wisdom he gained of the human world. For that reason a part of me is tending towards the theory that Gammamon has been reborn following GulusGammamon’s death, but I guess we’ll see going forward.

[beevean]

Opinion: How could Sonamy progress in IDW?

[note: the original article was written in Spanish by @latin-dr-robotnik​]

Today we’re going to discuss a recurring topic on my blog, with a more complete perspective.

Today’s article was inspired by an ask I got a few days ago about my possible perspective on the future of IDW Sonamy. I thought it would be interesting to revisit and expand this topic, because it’s still something of great interest for thousands of fans all around the world, and because SEGA has recently adopted a very peculiar position on the couple and their dynamic. As I detailed on my article SEGA and its most recent Sonamy side – more canon than ever, the dynamic has been going through a shift that can be distinguished into two main parts: 1) the commercial potential of Sonamy as a merchandising and marketing icon; 2) the stability of the interactions in the comics, in the short monthly stories on Sonic Channel, and so on.

That being said, there’s no need to mention that we’re going to focus entirely and nothing more than on this ship. I usually suggest other articles for those who prefer to read on other subjects, but today I will recommend our Discord server [translator’s note: the server is mainly Spanish-speaking], where discussions about ships are limited on their own canal that is separated from other themes: general discussions, music, fangames and mods, fanfics, fanart and even gaming in general. As you know, if you want to bring something else to our community, or just avoid talking about Sonamy, you’re more than welcome to join. Now, back on track.

What’s going on with Sonamy in IDW?

To recap what’s happened in these last months: Sonic and his friends finally got through the nightmare that was the Metal Virus, he and Amy hugged a few times, and since very recently they’ve been involved in a short arc about Chao races in Twinkle Park Zone, with a sinister background. In these last months after the eradication of the virus, there have been much closer and warmer interactions between our two hedgehogs, and I suspect that part of this is what inspired that question in the first place: what’s going on?

As I commented in the article where I proposed that Sonamy is “more canon than ever” (I know that it’s an exaggeration, that was the point), SEGA is treading carefully and the main canon seems to be willing to negotiate a more open representation of the relationship between the two in their different continuities, from best friends to something more. What I did not expect to happen was reading an answer from Evan Stanley (artist and writer that replaces Ian Flynn) about their dynamic, summing it up with “they like each other”.

The redrawing of Sonic’s expression when Amy hugs him in a recent drawing of hers made people wonder if this was yet another example of SEGA’s “censoring” (comparison below), to which Evan answered that it was modified to keep Sonic in character: he’s a guy that does not show much emotional vulnerability or too many negative emotions, and this is why sometimes the artists have to adjust WIPs to keep in line with this official point of view. Evan assured that this is not any kind of confirmation that Sonic does not like Amy, and doubles down by highlighting that in the official material, in the wikis and on Sonic Channel they show that, and I quote: “They like each other, but Sonic just isn’t the kind of guy who is going to make goo-goo eyes at Amy or perform grand acts of romance. If you wanna see that, that’s what fan works are for.”

And Evan’s words are a great way to sum up what’s going on with IDW Sonic right now. When it comes to interactions, they’re working with two characters who deep down “like each other”, but both show it in their own way. Amy is much more proactive when it comes to express her feelings, while Sonic only sometimes shows a glimpse of his feelings, with a smile or a small gesture. But at the end of the day they’re still friends and, depending on the situation, the comic can focus more or less on these details.

Comparison between the first sketch showed by Evan and the final product. The modification of the expression was minimal: Sonic’s slight blush was changed into a smile, maybe being a little overwhelmed by the gesture of affection.

The “progression” of the dynamic in the future

A good part of the answer to this question is based on my idea that right now, when it comes to Sonamy, we reached some kind of comfortable plateau. What am I referring to? To the fact that there have been a lot of varied interactions in these last 3 years of the comic, and they’re everything I could have asked for and then some. When we talk about Sonamy in canon, as Evan said, we don’t tend to hope for great romantic gestures from Sonic, we barely even ask for a look that hints that they understand each other beyond what it seems at first glance, so the fact that the IDW continuity is betting so much on this ship is basically a dream come true. For this reason, I don’t think things will change much in the future.

If I have to make a prediction on Sonamy’s future in IDW, I believe that there are still a lot of possibilities that our known writers (and maybe new writers!) could explore more, to see what makes this dynamic work so well. Actually, about 10 years ago, Ian Flynn wrote that if they could take advantage of the abilities and similarities between the two characters as adventurous spirits and with a strong moral sense, they would be “like poetry in motion”. This largely happens in IDW Sonic if you look carefully, but there are always new stories to tell and opportunities for them to work together and explore a bit more their strong bond, stronger than other friendships that they share. When the next major arc comes (which seems to be getting closer), they could explore aspects of their dynamic that are slightly more experimental, like being separated for extended periods of time and under dangerous situations… as long as they don’t turn it into a painful experience like the Metal Virus arc.

What Ian Flynn wrote about Sonamy, what works and what doesn’t. This was written in 2011, when Archie Sonic was still the major comic continuity, and when, according to Ian, Sonic was still “tied” to Sally Acord, leaving little room to the writers’ opinions.

The reality is that I see a stable future for the dynamic in the IDW universe. Sonamy is not fit for a lot of drama (fights, breaking up, etc.) without feeling forced or completely out of place, and only fanfics and fanart could be capable of capitalizing on this kind of content. On the other hand, for reasons I detailed in past articles, SEGA would not dare to alter the established order of the dynamic, let alone new that they managed to recover and maintain control over the ways Sonamy is being portrayed everywhere. SEGA won’t pull a Dragon Prince, which ended up confirming the main ship and then they made them go through a crisis and break up in a heartwrenching way in the graphic novel that acts as a bridge between season 3 and 4.

In short

The future of IDW Sonamy is looking bright and stable. I don’t think there will be serious changes to what we’re experiencing right now, and this is why both Evan Stanley and Ian Flynn agree that the dynamic is practically in the perfect place, keeping in line to how SEGA wants them to be represented together. This means we won’t see more affectionate gestures than what we’re seeing now (I doubt we’ll ever see again Sonic offering Amy a rose like in Sonic X), but it also means that we have now a solid basis for our expectations. In the now old IDW Sonic #2, Sonic and Amy had the chance of seriously talking a bit about what they thought of each other, with Sonic being determined to keep living life his own way (although he wouldn’t mind Amy to accompany him… or even suggesting himself that she could come), and Amy being determined to respect his way of life, because that’s what she loves about him, and she doesn’t want him to change. Since then, all we have seen and we’ll keep seeing in the comic is a consequence of this key moment; the two philosophies that they have and they share, in a constant back-and-forth with some tense moments and some cute moments.

An interesting detail that wasn’t included in the ask and that makes me think is the possibility that all of this will feature in the games as well. This is a completely different matter for another day, but I like to think that there is the possibility that we’ll see SEGA being more interested in inserting more Sonamy in the games, even if in an indirect way like in Sonic Unleashed and its emotional support, especially if the rumors that we’re about to get a soft-reboot are true. Romance is not something Sonic games are famous for doing well… at all, but that doesn’t mean it would be a bad idea to add a little sprinkle of IDW Sonamy in the mix.

And finally, I think I’ve talked enough about this topic, As you know, we’re waiting for some news, and I hope we’ll see each other again here or on our Discord. We’ll see if on this 25th something interesting happens. In any case, see you next time!

The moment that shaped the present and future of their entire relationship, 3 years ago.

[thotsforvillainrights]

Uhm hello! I love your blog and wanted to request something with nine (if u still take requests for him)! I wanted to ask if u also write for male s/o! Like s/o is still feminine and all (wearing heeled boots, wearing make up like black eyeliner and black lipstick). His hair is a deep raven black, even his eyes are a deep raven and lightless, he has a beauty mark under his left eye. I would like s/o to be a feared villain like really feared (almost at the same level of afo) and he is also heartless. He is cunning and wicked, sickenly sweet fake, but in nines arms he becomes pudding/mush. He loves him so much, he would do anything for him. And let's just pretent nine doesn't have the sickness, bc y'know he deserved better! Thank u and i hope this isn't too much or too detailed! Bye♡

(So to answer your questions, yes! Most of the time I leave my readers kinda empty so you can insert what you want. That’s why I always put she/he/they or her/him/them yknow? But sometimes I get really specific asks like this one so I got it. I do ask ever so politely just to make sure everyone doesn’t send in like OC specific work too often because then it stops being x reader and it’s more like I’m writing fanfic for other characters lol. Anyway, I sincerely hope I can nail the general gist of these two relationship for you!)

~Every Day with Nine~

headcanon|scenario|imagine|match-up

-I have an idea that these two lead a rather domestic and content life with each other, at least on Nine’s end of it all. With Nine being healthy and his illness having been cured a year or two ago, he’s got a new take on life and prefers to appreciate the small things. This can make even the most mundane tasks extremely pleasing to him. S/O is completely different from this though. While Nine would rather stop and smell the roses along the sidewalk, S/O is busy planning his next big plot for the underground villain ring. He’s built up a pretty tough reputation and is second only to AFO in both fame AND villainy. Nine can’t say he fully supports the lifestyle anymore, but as long as his S/O doesn’t end up dead then he’s going to mostly keep quiet about things. 

-The two are similar in terms of beauty but completely different with how they tend to portray it when expressing themselves. Nine like a more simple style whereas he makes sure his hair is soft and his tresses are free of tangles. Sometimes he’ll tie it back into a ponytail or a bun depending on his activities for the day. Sometimes Nine will opt for wearing anything between ‘hobo fashion’ or literally a full suit and tie. There is no way to predict which one he’s going with for the day. Meanwhile his S/O is usually cut to the Gods when it comes to both fashion and makeup. His raven hair constantly carrying the hint of whatever cologne or perfume S/O is interested in wearing that particular day. His eyes deep pools of black, reflecting a type of sinister energy whenever he would even so much as glance at someone. That beauty mark is well placed, but it fails to reflect on how truly beautiful S/O is. On top of that, the ensemble and the makeup is a show stopper. Despite his good looks, Nine thinks he’s still stunning without anything on as well. Like on his worse days (or even his sick days), Nine still finds the time to compliment his S/O’s beauty to which S/O simply scoffs at him.

-Don’t get him wrong though, he really cares for Nine no matter which way you try to cut it. No matter how hard S/O tries to hide, it really shows during certain soft moments between the two. Believe me, S/O can tend to be conflicted by it as well.

-You see, S/O spends a good amount of time during the day being an absolute menace to society. So charming, so cunning, and very much cut-throat at times! S/O is dangerous and well feared so why right now is he baking croissants with Nine in the kitchen??? It’s times like these where he feels the creeping feeling of annoyance just barely making it into his head. How could you kill a dozen men earlier and now be in the kitchen baking like some sort of civilian. These feelings always go away when the fluff begins. S/O is no match for Nine when he sits on the couch and opens his arms wide as if to beckon him for a nice cuddling session. When Nine does this little thing where he litters S/O’s face and neck with butterfly soft kisses, S/O simply melts in his arms. 

-And while I’m at it, S/O will literally start world domination upon Nine’s request. He would do absolutely anything for Nine, while that man has no idea how much power he holds at his fingertips. One of the perks of dating the second  most feared villain in the underworld. Nine could ask for all the power in the world to be handed to him, yet he only requests that his S/O come with him to the new amusement park and ride the new coaster with him. It confuses yet amuses S/O at the same time lol

»—————————–———————————————————–✄

Instagram: @pastelbattydraws & @pastelbattystore

YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCRNMJH7vHL7APNobUykhK4w?view_as=subscriber

[anansislibrary]

All of my thoughts on RWBY: taken from one of my videos here

If you haven’t watched RWBY yet... I honestly don’t know what to tell you. The show is genuinely one of my favorite anime of all time. It’s got an amazing cast of interesting characters, great writing, an amazing world to get immersed in. Every character you meet sticks with you, many of the fights are fast paced and memorable, and being a lore buff like me pays off in this world.

But RWBY isn’t... perfect, and having finished the newest season and rewatched the show from the beginning... I have some issues.

Don’t get me wrong, the new season had some excellent parts. The fight between Blake and Adam was literally perfect, and side note, idk why fans are saying Adam got nerfed for this fight or made weaker, when some of his only notable feats happen during this fight. The man lands hits like mortal kombat combos.

Anyway, I don’t want to just crap on the show so before I go into what I didn’t like, I’ll get into what I did. But before then, I’ll have to give you a brief rundown of the show. But before THEN I gotta give my obligatory plug

So make sure you like and subscribe if you enjoy this video and want to see more like it, and consider donating to my Ko-fi if you’re able to to help support my channel and help me make better content.

Without further ado

Here’s RWBY

Quick basic spoiler full rundown of the show.

Rwby takes place in a world callled remnant, with a shattered moon. Why is the moon shattered you ask? Satan threw a temper tantrum

Anyway

There’s monsters

Schools for people to fight monsters

Except no Because the main character’s school gets blown up by this BITCH NAMED CINDER, SCREW YOU CINDER.

Prompting Ruby and her Gucci gang to go on an adventure.

Got it? Good.

So here’s everything I love about the series.

I really like the character designs. Every single character has an excellent design and I could really do a video on how character design helps develop character and tell a story just using this show. Every person in the show has an interesting and cool design that helps you to remember and understand them.

An easy example is Weiss. She dresses like an actual princess, her color scheme and weapons are all very elegant looking and it hints at her high class status without even having to spell it out for you.

Plus I love how characters names are based off of fairy tales or mythology. For example, Sun, Sage, and the ironically named Neptune. The motif of fairy tales is fun too, for example Ruby being Little Red Riding hood, Ozpin and Glenda Goodwich being wizard of oz references, ironwood being the tin man and Leo being the lion, Qrow and scarecrows and all of that. Weiss and Winter both have names very directly based on snow.

Every name in this show was very clearly thought out, and even abilities too.

Sun can make clones of himself just like in the myth, Blake has issues with running from her problems, so she can make clones, yang has anger issues and can go super saiyan, almost everyone’s power has something to do with their personality.

Salem is such a fun villain. I wish she could do more because she’s really sinister and scary. She’s such a fun villain to watch but she doesn’t do shit.

I also love the fight scenes, I love how bombastic and fast paced they are, and it’s really cool how every character has their own unique style of movement and fighting that vary between them. The fights in this show are quick and stick in your mind, and there’s an emphasis put often on how much a character can move in a short amount of time.

Cinder as much as I hate her is also a great villain, and that’s why I hate her.

Roman Torchwick is also a GREAT villain and The way he dies is satisfying as hell, and seeing Neo again made me scream.

The worldbuilding is my favorite aspect of the show. Now I’m weird and I like info dumps and that’s why I enjoy those World Of Remnant videos that expand on the worldbuilding so as not to bog down story with info dumps. The world is really fun to learn about, how humanity has evolved in terms of technology is fun to speculate on, for example since Grimm attacks are common and destructive, towns outside of major cities are less technologically advance because they often don’t have time to explore that and have to move from town to town quickly in an emergency.

The Grimm are excellent monsters with varying abilities that make them scary. I love the Apathy from the most recent season, and how it doesn’t just attack you like a Beowulf, Ursa, or Nevermore, but it drains away your will to fight back at all.

This show also has my favorite trope of all time MIXED TIMELINES

YOU GOT TRADITIONAL CHINESE CLOTHING AND DRESS AND ASIAN ARCHITECTURE ON TOP OF CELL PHONES TOWERS AND ALL OF THAT

this trope is so fun because it really makes a world feel unique.

The world of Naruto has all kinds of modern stuff, but until Boruto it was mixed with older tech and tradition, really selling how this is not our world.

Another thing I love: every weapon is a gun. That is SO fun.

Now as good as the show is, it does have problems. That’s inevitable though, all shows, movies, and books have problems, nothing is perfect.

Except Avatar. Avatar is flawless.

Me pointing out the issues I have with this show is by no means to say it’s bad, just to point them out.

I truly do have love for this series and I still cry about Phyrra and her death.

I love you baby.

But that being said, pointing out the issues a show has can be important for both understanding the pitfalls to avoid in our own writing, and helping creators fix issues later on.

A lot of hard work goes into making this show and I would just be an asshole if I did nothing but shit on the show.

No matter how many issues it has, I can tell the people making it love what they’re doing, and that always shines through a series no matter how many issues it has, just like a show or movie can do everything conventionally right and still be a soulless shit show.

Looking at you call of duty black ops 3.

So here’s the issues

Fight scenes

I love the fight scenes. I’ve said that, they really can be so fun to view and I find myself coming back to them a lot.

But I have issues.

Lemme just say first that I don’t like complaining against animation. Animators go through enough crap already and it feels mean to criticize them at times, but this needs to be said.

One, I hate how people throw punches in this show.

They swing so wide it’s annoying.

Okay listen. If you swing at someone with a punch this wide, and they know how to fight, it will not land. They will block or dodge. I know this because as my subscribers know, I am a martial artist. I know jujitsu and boxing, and I took taeqwondo.

This is a bad punch.

My theory is that they do it to emphasize the impact of a bit, but that’s not necessary. There are other ways to do that.

You could say “they’re animators they don’t know how fighting works.”

But Naruto exists and those animators get martial arts stuff down PAT.

Hell, avatar the last airbender depends on its animators being able to animate fights with consistent accuracy, and those characters use styles most people have never heard of like Baguazhang.

And I know this doesn’t seem like a big deal, but it is. It’s hard to really get behind fight scenes at times when the characters can’t throw a simple punch right.

And again it’s not like it’s impossible for animation to animate a fight.

There’s a scene during a fight in Naruto where Obito Uchiha kicks Kakashi, and Kakashi uses his foot to redirect the kick and pull obito off balance.

This is a real move, that people do, and it’s done accurately, but RWBY seems to struggle with accuracy in their fights. Which is fine when a character’s weapon looks like this, but not in hand to hand.

This issue comes up in sword fights too. The way Weiss fights annoys me because her sword is a rapier, and the most important characteristic of a rapier is that often times they don’t have blades, they have points, and when they do have blades, they aren’t meant for slashing. Rapiers were made to exploit the gaps in someone’s armor by stabbing them, and thus it is a thrusting sword, not a slashing one. A sword like a Katana or Khopesh would be good for slashing. Roman gladius can kind of do both, but not as good as either one.

The point is that if they’re gonna give Wiess a rapier, they need to stop animating her slashing with it. Especially when her rapier doesn’t appear to have a sharp edge.

My next complaint is wasted characters.

It’s very frustrating when RWBY takes times to show us a character, but then never uses them.

I didn’t even know sun had a full team sometimes because you never see them.

And furthermore it’s annoying when a fight scene will just stop so that a character can do a cool thing.

Oh no this robot is so hard to beat, how will we beat this dangerous and powerful robot

Oh wait, this character can solo it because the plot needs to pause so she can be cool then promptly never be seen again.

It is so frustrating and it makes it hard to actually know when a character is in danger.

It takes 20 hits to kill a Grimm in one scene, then like two in another.

And the reason for that is because the plot is being pushed aside for the sake of spectacle.

A character’s abilities will be made inconsistent for a chance to make them seem cool.

Like this scene where Tyrion is fighting qrow, he uses his tail to block bullets.

But why?

He has his Aura up, the bullets wouldn’t hurt him anyway! Then when he gets shot later after he looses his aura his tail comes off.

If he was fast enough to use his tail to block bullets he wasn’t even paying attention to, why can’t he do it now!

There is no internal consistency.

Like why are Grimm so strong if they don’t have auras? That’s not explained because they Grimm rarely serve the plot, they spectacle. Adam putting 20 kombo hits into yang to beat her makes sense. He has to wear down her aura to actually hurt her.

But 20 hits to kill a grim that then gets solo’d by a character later on?

No.

Then there’s hazel.

He annoys me.

His villainous motivation is that his sister joined a school for trained soldiers, then died because it was dangerous and now he hates Ozpin.

Dude what?

Like I get why he’s mad, but she knew the risk and someone had to sign off on her getting in for her to be able to go to beacon at all. A child can’t just register for a school especially one where it’s a known risk you could die.

Also another thing I hate is how characters will overreact to stuff in annoying ways.

This is mostly in the most recent season.

Spoiler alert here

But everyone finds out the history of Ozpin and Salem’s relationship from Djinn

And then they just all hate and distrust Ozpin.

Here’s my reaction to finding out about ozpins relationship

It’s just... not that big a deal.

Okay so he was pipping the villain at one point

Nigga so was dumbldore!

It’s just annoying how Ozpin didn’t really do anything but he still was treated like he was just a bad person when he wasn’t.

That whole plot point feels empty, and I found myself more annoyed with the characters for being mad at him and wasting time, than mad at Ozpin for wanting to get laid.

My next complaint on this nitpick fest is

Shit what was I gonna say again?

Oh yea, that annoying ass military lady and her whole reason for not letting the heroes into atlas.

That was so annoying and pointless. She really had no reason not to let them through, and her getting into a giant mecha to fight them pulled me so far away from the story because it was just too ridiculous.

The mecha is for fighting Kaiju grim but it’s taken down by like five kids and their drunk grandpa.

Which like... fine but I hate it.

I hate that whole sequence.

It didn’t have to happen like that, it was another fight purely for spectacle.

It made me mad.

Plus I really really hate mecha anime and mecha fights in general.

God I hate them.

I skipped almost every mecha fight in Voltron because I hate them.

Look the point is that rwby is definitely a good show and I love almost every part of it, but these issues really pull me away from the story at times and you can really sense how much of the story is less about progression and more about increasing drama like the Ozpin thing, or looking cool.

Please watch rwby it really is worth your time, just be aware of the issues it has.

[jarienn972]

The Right Place - Chapter Nineteen and Epilogue

For anyone who has been following this fic, you’ll know it was last updated in early October, 2018 and while my plans were to finish it at that time, it ended up being exactly one week before my mother passed away and I just couldn’t get myself into the right mindset to complete it.  Then, a couple of months ago, the @csmarchmadness idea came along to help give us writers a little boost of confidence to finish those nagging WIPs and I decided to go ahead and tackle this story. (I’m a little late getting it posted today, but technically, it is still 3/22 here in FL as I’m posting)

I’ve loved this concept from the beginning as it took Emma out of her magical comfort zone to solve a real world crime, working alongside law enforcement colleagues in Portland, Maine.  As I did with the opening chapters, I tacked the epilogue onto the end of this chapter to provide a fitting bookend.  

This is the last installment of a nearly 80K word fic so it has honestly been a beast to write, especially since it ended up taking far longer to complete than I’d planned.  You can read the entirety of this story on AO3 or FF.net or find the earlier chapters here: Prologue/Chap1  Chap2  Chap3  Chap4  Chap5  Chap6  Chap7  Chap8  Chap9  Chap10  Chap11  Chap12  Chap13  Chap14  Chap15  Chap16  Chap17  Chap18   I’m also tagging my cheerleader, @hookaroo who has been looking forward to the final chapter of this fic for a while now! (edited to add Tumblr link to Chap 18 after I realized it had never been posted on Tumblr.  Oops...)

Saturday Morning – Portland Harbor

The tempest of the overnight thunderstorms had given way to a breezy, warmer Saturday morning. Hazy sunlight filtered through the window coverings of the McCallen's guest room as Emma was awakened by the persistent blip of notifications popping up on her cell phone, all of them informing her of the incoming text messages from Regina. According to the texts, Ursula would be waiting for them at the same Harbor front park at 9am with some updated news regarding her offer to return the Jolly Roger to her berth in Storybrooke's marina. While Killian wasn't keen on anyone else taking the helm of his beloved ship, he'd conceded to the basic fact that at the present time, he lacked the physical stamina to sail her back home himself.

Emma would have preferred another hour of sleep since it this was far too early on a Saturday morning by her opinion, but since they did have the drive home ahead of them, she begrudgingly swung her feet over the side of the bed. It wasn't a particularly long trip, but she still needed to be wide awake and she didn't want to get back too late. After nearly a week away, she was certain there would be a mountain of backlogged work awaiting their return. She noticed that Killian had already vacated his side of the bed, waking up before his wife to wander into the kitchen where McCallen had left coffee brewing for them and a note stating that he had ventured out the station to finish his paperwork from yesterday's major breakthroughs in the case.

Killian seemed a tad more upbeat this morning and even seemed to handle the walk from the parking lot down to the waterfront better, only needing to pause once to catch his breath. The Sea Witch was already waiting for them, scouting out a quiet bench away from the multitude of park visitors who were enjoying the pleasant start to what was shaping up to be a beautiful day.

"You're late," Ursula grumbled in greeting. "I thought you seafaring types were known for better timing?"

"My seafaring timing is as precise as ever," Killian replied, voice tinged with a hint of offense. "However, you should be aware that in this realm there's a thing called traffic."

"We would have called to let you know we were running a little late if we'd had a way to contact you aside from a conch shell," Emma reminded the witch.

"Cell phones simply aren't the most reliable where I come from," Ursula countered with a grin that Emma wasn't sure was intended to be jovial or sinister. "Anyway, I've made all of the arrangements to transport your ship as promised. My niece will not be allowed to interfere with the vessel's passage."

"May I ask what arrangements you've made?" Killian queried. "Who did you find to sail her or is the transport to be more of a magical variety? I prefer not to have someone inexperienced at the helm."

"I managed to round up a few of your remaining crew, led by your former first mate, Mr. Smee. It'll primarily be for show though as once it reaches open waters, I can push your little boat along a bit easier…" Killian frowned at her use of the term little boat in reference to his ship, but held his tongue.

"So, my ship should be back in the harbor by the time we reach Storybrooke?" Killian chose to ask instead.

"Should be. Your crew is on their way here as we speak. I managed to find a fisherman who was willing to bring them down here to retrieve the Jolly Roger, although you may need to round up some of those gold doubloons you have stashed to pay the man for his service."

"How generous of you to offer up my funds as payment," he quipped sarcastically, although he was secretly grateful for all Ursula had done. She'd already rescued him from a watery grave so having her assistance in returning his beloved Jolly Roger to her home port was truly going above and beyond.

"I assume you have plenty of funds hidden, pirate," Ursula responded while flashing a broad grin. "Anyway, I need to get out of here before this park gets any busier so that I can supervise the return trip. See you in Storybrooke, Captain."

"Aye," Killian responded with a nod and a smile as the Sea Witch turned to depart, leaving him wondering exactly how much gold she'd promised his crew. But as she began to stroll towards the water's edge, Killian recalled one additional thing he wanted to ask her. "Ursula?" he called to her before she was out of earshot, grateful when she turned to face him again. "One last thing, if I may?"

"And that is?"

"Would you have my crew sail a pass through the inner channel? Not too close to the harbor, but around this side of the islands so that I might see her off?"

"I suppose I could do that," she replied as she took a few steps back towards the Joneses so she wouldn't have to shout. "I would have to uncloak the ship though."

"For a few minutes, revealing the vessel should be fine. This far from shore, she may appear as merely an illusion to anyone who may catch sight of her," he offered, eager to garner even a momentary glimpse of his ship nearly a week after he'd left her abandoned offshore.

"I'll see what I can do. You may want to hang around the harbor for a while though," the Sea Witch suggested.

"Any idea of approximately how long it'll take?" Emma questioned. "We do still have the drive back to Storybrooke ahead of us."

"Give me an hour," Ursula stated, not waiting for Killian to offer his thanks as she departed without another word.

As they watched the Sea Witch vanish behind a pier, Killian dropped his weary body onto the bench before he collapsed.

"Guess we have a little bit of time to kill before we hit the road then," Emma chuckled before noticing the forlorn cast to his gaze when he stared out over the bay. "I know you'd rather be sailing the Jolly Roger back home yourself…"

"It's alright, Swan," he said with a faint sigh of disappointment. "In my current condition, I'm well aware that I lack the necessary strength and stamina to properly man the helm. I'd much rather that she be safely returned to port, even if not by my hand." She could hear the disparaging tone of his voice and decided to think of something to distract him.

"Well, I really don't want to sit here on a cold, hard park bench for an hour while we wait for your ship to appear. Can we go grab a doughnut or something? And how do you intend to see the ship from across the bay anyway?"

"I believe you have a set of of spyglasses – I believe you call them binoculars? Aren't they somewhere in the vehicle?"

"Uh, yeah, there's a set of binoculars somewhere in the back seat."

"Then those should be sufficient," he replied. "I do have to agree with you though that sitting here for an hour is probably not the best option. I know we aren't far from the ferry terminal so perhaps we might pay a visit to the shopkeeper? I'd like to let her know personally that I'm alright if it isn't too far out of the way?"

"I'm pretty sure it's only a few blocks down the harbor from here. I think Ms. Scott would be very happy to see you. Think you can handle the walk or would you prefer we drive?"

"I'm feeling far better today, but I still believe it would be more prudent to drive."

"Okay, then let's get back up to the Bug and we'll go see if Ms. Scott has the shop back open."

Ten minutes later, after the short walk back to the parking lot and a four block drive through busy weekend harbor traffic headed for the marina and ferry terminal, Emma parked her little yellow Volkswagen beneath the old service station overhang. Although there were lights on inside Scott's Mart, the Closed sign still hung in the window, but Emma noticed that it was now accompanied by a notice that the shop would be reopening Monday morning. Emma exited the car and strolled up to the entrance door, rapping forcefully on the glass to garner the proprietor's attention while Killian ambled slowly behind her.

"We're not open yet!" a female voice shouted from inside.

"Ms. Scott, it's Sheriff Emma Jones. I was here with Deputy McCallen a few days ago…" They heard some rustling from beyond the door and something akin to metal scraping against tile before the smiling face of Jean Scott popped up from behind the register counter. The shopkeeper's face lit up even more when she caught sight of the man in the black leather jacket standing behind Emma.

"Sheriff! My apologies for being so curt. Come on in!" Jean immediately unlocked the door and yanked it open for her guests, a mix of elation and gratitude expressed through her welcoming grin. "You're always welcome around here. Sorry it's still such a mess but I'm trying hard to get things straightened up and ready to get back to business. I know I owe you both a huge thanks. I heard from the other police officer – not the one who was here with you but the other guy… His name escapes me now…"

"Sgt. Haviland?" Emma offered.

"Haviland, yeah that's his name! He called me to let me know I didn't have to worry about Donovan Donleavy coming after my property any longer. He said there's a warrant out for his arrest, as soon as they can locate the slimy son of a bitch."

"Yeah, unfortunately it looks like he might have been tipped off somehow and slipped away on his boat sometime last night after the Toliver brothers rolled on him for having hired them to intimidate you, not to mention the kidnapping and stabbing of my husband," Emma explained.

"Well, when they find him, I hope they lock him up and toss away that damned key!" Jean exclaimed before turning her head toward Killian with a softening demeanor. "And you – I'm so glad to get a chance to properly thank you. If I'd have had any idea what those bastards planned to do… I don't think there are enough words in the whole English language for me to express my thanks. You may have truly saved my life that morning and I'm still mortified to think that it nearly cost you yours. I knew Donleavy was scum, but I had no idea he'd actually stoop this low."

Emma though she detected a faint blush creeping across her husband's cheeks as Jean Scott thanked him, but he was trying hard not to let it show. "It was the right thing to do, Milady," Killian assured her. "Neither of us knew that their nefarious plans went so far beyond robbery. I certainly must have had some luck on my side that morning, but the important thing is that the guilty parties are being held accountable and won't be able to harm you any longer."

Jean's head lolled to the side as she caught Emma's attention with a cheeky grin. "Is he always like this?"

"Pretty much," Emma replied, sporting a broad smile of her own as she watched the tips of Killian's ears redden as he flushed with an uncharacteristic embarrassment.

"How do I find one like him?" Jean sighed. "I'd love to have my own little British knight in shining leather." Emma found her husband's blushing even more endearing as he tried to brush off the compliment, realizing it was part of why she loved this man so much. Sure, he could be a total ass sometimes, but when the sweet, old-fashioned, chivalrous side would surface, she'd fall head over heels in love all over again.

"I don't know if there's a clone of him out there somewhere, but if I find one, I'll send him your way," Emma laughed. "For now though, we've got to get going. Now that the case is solved, we're finally heading home."

"Well, please have a safe drive back to your hometown and remember that anytime you're here in Portland, please stop by. It'll be coffee on the house! In fact, if you'd like one for the road, I'm pretty sure the pot is still hot. I've gone through plenty myself while trying to get this place cleaned up but there's more than enough to share. Would you like some?"

"I would absolutely love some coffee," Emma replied graciously.

"As would I," Killian said with a smile.

"Hang on a sec…" Jean scurried down a partially stocked aisle to her coffee shop counter and disappeared behind it. She popped back up a few seconds later with two tall paper cups of steaming hot coffee. "Either of you take cream or sugar?"

"No thanks," Emma replied. "We both take it straight."

Jean made her way across the shop to hand over the coffee cups to her guests. "Here you go. Hope it's not too strong for you."

"I'm sure it will be fine," Killian replied as he accepted her offering. "This wasn't at all necessary, but thank you."

"Anytime," Jean insisted. "Any time at all. I won't keep you from your drive home but I really do appreciate you stopping by. I'm so glad to see that you're alright."

"Good luck with getting your business back on track," Emma said as she shook Jean's hand before departing. "Hopefully things will go better now that there isn't a greedy developer breathing down your neck."

"Oh, there will be another," Jean chuckled. "It never ends around here, but hey, I know I'm in the right place for now. I'll manage."

Emma and Killian said their farewells to Jean Scott and had just started their drive back to the park when Emma's phone started ringing. Seeing that it was McCallen calling, she gestured for Killian to answer and as he did, he pressed the speakerphone button so that they could both hear the conversation.

"Hey, McCallen," Emma answered. "Sorry we missed you this morning, but we locked up before we left."

"I'm the one who should be apologizing," McCallen's voice responded through the speaker. "I had to run into the station this morning to finish up paperwork relating to this case and I was worried I might miss you before you headed home."

"Well, you haven't missed us. We haven't left Portland yet," Emma informed their friend. "Killian wanted to see Jean Scott so she could see he was alright and now we're on our way to the harbor front park so that he can see his ship off. The crew sailing it back to Storybrooke for us offered to make a swing through the bay."

"Alright then, can you hang around the park for a few minutes? I've got some new information you'll want to hear, but I don't want to deliver it over the phone."

"Oh, don't worry, we'll be there for a while. We still have about half an hour to kill before the crew sets sail," Emma explained.

"Oh, good," McCallen replied. "I can be there in about twenty minutes. I'd really like a chance to see that ship too."

"You'll see just how magnificent she is," Killian said proudly.

"If you can see it at all," Emma countered. "The ship is going to be clear on the other side of the bay and I have no idea whether or not my binoculars will be strong enough… You two can figure that out though…"

"Okay," McCallen chuckled. "I'll see you in a few minutes."

The stroll down to the waterfront from the parking area took a little longer this time but Killian had insisted on heading to the furthest pier where they would have the least obstructed view of the bay. There was still one barrier island that partially obscured the horizon, but Killian was certain that they would be able to see enough of the channel to get a decent glimpse of the Jolly Roger. He was quite certain of the route his crew would take and that it would provide a brief window as the ship emerged from the far side of the landmass, before she headed out of the bay and into open ocean.

A visibly exhausted Killian dropped his fatigued body onto an unoccupied bench near the end of the pier as Emma's phone buzzed with a message from McCallen asking where he might find them. She typed back their location and half-expected to see the young deputy arrive in full uniform. She found herself a more than a little surprised to see him approaching dressed in casual attire after he spotted them and waved from the boardwalk.

As McCallen got closer, Emma thought about how this inexperienced deputy had become such a pillar of strength for her this week. He'd been so involved from the beginning, eager to help her out in any way he could and always trying to learn techniques to help himself grow as an investigator. McCallen still had a lot to learn and of course, had some physical obstacles to overcome, but Emma couldn't help to think about what Jean Scott had said about being in the right place and how it applied to the deputy as well. What had begun for him as a seemingly routine case to identify a John Doe had blossomed into a multi-jurisdictional investigation of a corrupt land developer. While McCallen's role in the Donleavy case may have been minor, the deputy's name was forever attached to the investigation and it would likely make a huge impact on his career.

"Hi!" the deputy greeted them once he was finally within earshot. "I haven't missed anything, have I?"

"Not at all," Killian assured their young friend as he lowered the binoculars. "I've not yet caught sight of her but it shouldn't be long now."

"Don't worry," Emma added. "You'll know the moment he sees it. It's all he's talked about all morning."

"So, this is kind of a big deal, huh?" McCallen asked with a crooked grin, almost as a tease.

"She's been a huge part of my life," Killian replied. "In fact, she was my life for a very long time, before I met Emma." He failed to notice the way McCallen glanced at Emma with a look that seemed to ask Is he kidding?

"I think that what Killian meant to say is that he spent many years working on that ship before we met. He puts a lot of effort into keeping it ship-shape. But yes – sometimes I swear he treats that ship like a person…"

"It's a good thing she's not able to hear you speak such blasphemy," Killian feigned offense as his wife laughed it off.

"See - I share my husband with a ship," Emma chuckled, shaking her head. "Anyway, I know you didn't come down here just to talk about Killian's ship. You said on the phone that you had some new information to share with us? Is it news about Donleavy?"

"Well, yes and no…" McCallen began as he took a seat on the bench next to Killian. "We got a call this morning from the RCMP…"

"RCMP?" Killian interrupted with a confused query as he didn't understand the reference.

"Royal Canadian Mounted Police," the deputy clarified. "Sorry, I should have been more specific."

"It's alright," Emma insisted. "We usually just refer to them as the Mounties." She'd explain the reference further for Killian when they were alone.

"Oh, okay," McCallen continued. "As I started to say earlier, we, well, technically Sgt. Haviland received a call from the Mounties this morning letting him know that Donleavy's boat was located. Appears that it ran aground along the coast of Nova Scotia and by all accounts, was pretty beat up. Unfortunately, they found no sign of Donleavy. Haviland forwarded me a copy of the report. Guess he thought you'd already be back home if he didn't get in touch with you yet."

"I haven't looked at my email all morning," Emma confessed. "If he sent something there, I probably won't read it until we do get home – especially if it isn't giving us any whereabouts of Donleavy himself. At least we have an idea of where he escaped to."

"I do recall saying that he wouldn't get very far by sea," Killian reminded them. "The seas would have been far too rough for his minuscule craft. Even a sailor as experienced as myself wouldn't have fared well in that storm."

"Yeah, Donleavy was probably thrown overboard somewhere between here and Canada, before his ship crashed onshore," Emma suggested.

"There's still a remote chance he survived so the Canadians are going to continue their search to see if he turns up. They weren't entirely convinced that he'd survived either, but they're not giving up the search yet."

"Serves him right, if I do say so myself," Killian said with an eyebrow raised playfully. He lifted the binoculars to his eyes to survey the bay once again, scanning the horizon for a glimpse of the Jolly Roger. He stood as he caught sight of a set of familiar masts and sails materializing from beyond the inner harbor islands. "Ah, there she is!" he exclaimed with a huge grin stretching across his lips. "Such a thing of beauty…"

"Alright – you know I'm dying to get a look at this ship I've been hearing about. I mean, you've got the rings, the tattoos, the skull and crossbones pendant – there's definitely some kind of pirate obsession there so should I be expecting a pirate ship too?" Killian gave him a slightly nervous smile and Emma was practically biting her tongue as they both began mentally scrambling for a plausible explanation for the fact that Killian did indeed have have a pirate ship, and a marvel of one at that.

"Of course," Killian said as he offered the binoculars to the deputy and pointed to a distant location across the bay. "If you look out there to the northeast, you'll see her riggings just beyond that island." McCallen raised the binoculars and pointed himself in the direction Killian had indicated, his jaw dropping the moment he spied the tall ship on the horizon. He didn't know a lot about classical ships - he wouldn't have known a schooner from a frigate or a galleon, but this vessel looked like it could have sailed straight out of any pirate movie he'd ever seen.

"Wow! That's really your ship? It's definitely not what I expected, but seriously – you can sail that all by yourself?" Killian had to chuckle at the deputy's excited rambling.

"Indeed, I can," Killian replied proudly.

"That is so cool!" McCallen gushed, unable to contain himself. "What did you name your ship?"

"The J-…" Killian started to reply Jolly Roger, but something made him stop and reconsider, responding with the vessel's original moniker instead. "Jewel of the Realm."

"That's a really great name," McCallen told him as he passed the binoculars back to his pirate friend. "How did you ever come to own a ship like that?"

"Killian repairs and restores these old ships to keep them seaworthy," Emma jumped in with the most logical explanation she could determine. "And if you haven't noticed, he's a bit obsessive about his job."

"History deserves to be preserved," Killian stated, going along with Emma's lead. "And what can I say – I immerse myself fully into my work."

"Well, by the looks of it, you're very skilled at what you do! How do you manage to find the time as a deputy?"

"Don't have as much time as I used to so sailing has become more of a hobby now, but if you're ever in Storybrooke, I'd be honored to give you the full tour and a run about the harbor."

"I just might take you up on that one day, but since I have a tendency to get seasick, just admiring her from the dock would probably be enough for me," the deputy admitted with an embarrassed chortle.

"Well, my friend, if you ever want to try for your sea legs, my offer shall stand," Killian laughed as he raised the binoculars one last time to see if the ship was still visible but it appeared as though Ursula had already reactivated the cloaking. "Appears as though she has sailed beyond our purview."

"Oh, sorry… I'm guessing you're hoping to get back home around the same time as the ship?" McCallen wondered, not wanting to impede their plans.

"Yeah, that's sort of the plan," Emma stated as she glanced at her watch. "We definitely should get on the road soon, but Aaron, we really want to thank you for everything – for your help with the investigation into what happened to Killian... for opening your home to us. You've done so much more than you ever needed to."

McCallen's cheeks flushed as he tried to figure out how to respond to her gratitude. "Honestly, not many people have put as much faith in me as you did. I'm grateful to you for including me when you could have brushed me off in favor of letting Sgt. Haviland take over. I'm glad you didn't."

"You've got the instinct," Emma assured him. "You're going to be a great investigator."

"I guess we'll have to see how far a man with an artificial foot can get," McCallen said sullenly.

"As far as a man with an artificial hand can get," Killian insisted. "And that's as far as you desire."

Epilogue

Saturday Afternoon – Storybrooke

It hadn't taken Killian more than a few seconds after they'd exited the interstate before the gloved, wooden hand was discarded to the back seat in favor of his preferred attachment. Captain Hook was back and on his way home. By the time they passed the Welcome to Storybrooke sign at the edge of town, he was certain he could already smell the marine air again and began to imagine the sound of crisp sails flapping in the wind.

They finally parked in front of the Sheriff station nearly two hours after they'd left the Portland harbor and Emma was eager to find some lunch to appease her growling stomach. Maybe as anxious for food as her husband was to get to the harbor.

"Are you really sure you don't want me to heal you?" she asked as they climbed out of the Bug.

"For the last time, Love, I'll be fine. Aside from a few aches and pains – and a bit of general tiredness, I'm honestly alright. I assure you, if I change my mind, I promise, I will let you know."

"Okay, okay… I'm gonna call the family and see if they want to meet over at Granny's for lunch. I'm sure they'll all be looking forward to seeing you."

"Sounds good, but allow me a few minutes first?" he implored.

"I know – you're heading down to the harbor. Want me to drive you over?"

Killian smiled and shook his head with a subtle No. "I think I'd like to walk."

"Alright. If you aren't back in thirty minutes, I'll come looking for you."

The quarter-mile stroll from the Sheriff station to the dock was normally a brisk, five-minute walk for him, but today, it took a few minutes longer and he was clutching his chest tightly as he reached the gangplank. He pressed on with stubborn determination, pushing himself up the ramp and onto the deck of his ship. Reaching the helm, he leaned his aching body into the wheel to catch his breath, fully aware that he was not alone.

"Returned, safe and sound, as promised," he heard Ursula's voice call out from below the quarterdeck.

"Aye, thank you for your assistance. I do appreciate all you've done for me."

"You are one lucky pirate. Although I suggest you try to stay away from sharp, pointy objects for a while. One of these days, your luck will run out…"

"I'll be sure to keep that in mind," Killian said with a half-hearted chuckle. "Am I also to thank you for last night's events?"

"Afraid I've no idea what you mean," Ursula replied with a feigned innocence.

"Of course not," he grinned, lifting a knowing eyebrow at the Sea Witch. "Pardon my error, Love. Guess I should make my way over to Granny's pretty soon. Emma will send out a search party if I don't make it back. Why don't you join us?"

"As pleasant as an afternoon eating greasy diner food with the Charming family sounds, I'm afraid I'll have to pass. But as for you, I'm serious – watch your back, pirate. One of these days, you'll find yourself in the wrong place at the wrong time and there won't be anybody around to save you."

He opened his mouth to reply, but she was already gone, leaving the words caught in the back of his throat. As much as he wanted to argue, Ursula was right. He belonged at Emma's side and that was honestly the only place he wanted to be.

Early Saturday morning – off the coast of Nova Scotia

It was late in the season for such a powerful Nor'easter and perhaps it was a foolhardy decision to be venturing out in such horrific weather but Donovan Donleavy preferred to take his chances upon the stormy seas rather than face the tempest that would be brewing at home if he hadn't run. He'd slipped out of the marina under cover of darkness before the authorities had descended. His sport fishing boat wasn't really designed for these conditions so he'd tried to remain as close to the coast as he could, but the howling winds and torrential rain kept blowing his battered craft further out to sea.

He was only a few miles off of the Canadian coast, estimating his position to be somewhere near the Province of Nova Scotia, but he was beginning to doubt he'd be able to reach a safe harbor. Rain lashed at the deck, making visibility near impossible as the ten to twelve foot swells pummeled the tiny boat. Donleavy clung to the wheel as long as he could until a towering, fifteen foot swell sent the vessel listing hard to starboard and it never recovered, capsizing in the cold waters of the North Atlantic.

He bobbed to the surface, struggling to keep his head above the waves as his arms flailed in futile attempt to grasp for anything that would keep him afloat. After a few minutes, he found his muscles tiring rapidly and he knew he wouldn't be able to tread water much longer. Of course, he still believed that drowning was far more dignified than the humiliation of watching his empire fall apart.

He was gradually giving in to the reality of a watery death when he felt something brush against his leg. Probably just a fish or a piece of debris from his boat he thought – until the offending object slithered its way up body and wrapped around his torso. While moments ago he'd conceded himself to drowning, suddenly Donleavy was in a panic as he recognized that he was being enveloped by a giant tentacle. He struggled only for a few moments, trying futilely to free himself as the tentacle constricted tighter - just before yanking him forcefully beneath the unforgiving waves.

[bloodfromtherock-blog]

KAVANAUGH & THE CORONATED CREEPS

Daniel Hutchens October 10, 2018

"It would be naive to depend on the Supreme Court to defend the rights of poor people, women, people of color, dissenters of all kinds. Those rights only come alive when citizens organize, protest, demonstrate, strike, boycott, rebel, and violate the law in order to uphold justice." -Howard Zinn **********************************************

Kavanaugh repeatedly lied to the US Senate under oath during his job interview for Justice of the Supreme Court. These lies have been well-documented at this point, and aren’t even being contested; the essence of the reply from the Republican oligarchy is, “It doesn’t matter.”

And American women at this point have been demoted to second-class citizens by the Trump administration. This is clearly observable. Trump’s attacks on women are relentless; his push toward more restrictive policies on contraception and abortion, his rollback of gender equality pay laws, removal of paycheck transparency, forced arbitration clauses for sexual harassment, sexual assault or discrimination claims...for me, as the father of an 11 year old daughter, this is all a sinister slap in the face. But more to the point, Kavanaugh’s appointment to the Supreme Court now puts Trumpsters firmly in control of the move to strike down Roe v. Wade. Understand this clearly: female American citizens are considered nothing more than property by the Old Boys Club, and women’s voices regarding reproductive rights and their own bodies are considered irrelevant. In Trump’s eyes, women are cattle to be branded and used as deemed appropriate.

Kavanaugh is staunchly anti-abortion and has no intent of ruling objectively on this issue. When Sen. Susan Collins, R-Maine, shadily swung her support to Kavanaugh during the hearings, she apparently felt compelled to grandstand dishonestly for the cameras, maybe in deference to the power of the #MeToo movement, considering her stature as a female Senator. Her behavior reeks of a back room deal, after her previous assertions that if Kavanaugh lied he should be disqualified. She helped Republicans by putting a woman’s face on their warped campaign to shame and discredit survivors of sexual assault, thereby aiding Trump’s shitty backlash against #MeToo, and his brain dead catch phrase, “It’s a very scary time for young men in America.” #MeToo is so powerful that people like Susan Collins have to pretend to support it. She said that Kavanaugh would preserve Roe v Wade and legal abortion. Bullshit. “Operation Rescue,” a group working since the ‘80s to “make America abortion free,” and the rest of the extremist anti-woman crowd have all supported Kavanaugh’s nomination right down the line.

The looming abortion showdown is grim news for American women and those who care about them, alright. The notion that there’s some religious or ethical justification behind returning to back-alley amateurs and economically-selective access to these medical procedures is a sleazeball scam. And just for the record, the “religious right” who have supported Trump have completely forfeited all claim on morality, forevermore, end of discussion. Their previous hand-wringing over opposition candidates for sexual scandals, affairs etc.—then their ridiculous postures that “God chose Trump,” and they “weren’t electing a Sunday school teacher,” their transparent indifference to his cheating on all his wives with porn stars, scamming American citizens with rackets like Trump University etc., his history of racist business practices, his shady record of tax fraud and his whole laundry list of decidedly unChristian behavior, in the most basic sense of spirituality and genuine concern for others, which some of our parents actually schooled us about...yeah, those evangelical hucksters are exposed and discredited and can shut their mouths permanently about abortion and everything else. There are people with genuine soul convictions about these issues, but there are also plenty of imposters and their servility to a snake like Trump spotlights their insincerity. Ye shall know ‘em by their fruits, I’ve heard tell.

Of COURSE Trump wanted Kavanaugh on the Court. Kavanaugh has confirmed himself as a “get out of jail free card" should Trump ever be charged with any crime. Not to mention that Trump and Kavanaugh are plainly fellow members of a perverse fraternity we might as well call “The He-Man Woman Haters Club,” with apologies to the Little Rascals. They both have histories of a predatory mindset, insulting attitudes toward women in general (and no, hiring a few females or minorities does not erase acts of bigotry, and none of us fail to understand the concept of “making only a perfunctory or symbolic effort to do a particular thing, especially by recruiting a small number of people from underrepresented groups in order to give the appearance of sexual or racial equality”)…and Trump’s recent sideshow of mocking Dr. Ford was one of the most jaw-droppingly ugly little political performances this nation has witnessed in many years. (Excepting other Trump tantrums, of course.) Not so long ago, such a warped demonstration would have dropped like a stone any American politician from favor by both parties, immediately and with extreme prejudice. Not so in today’s world of Trumpian “alternative facts” and low-rent bullying.

Also revisit the whole Justice Kennedy/Deutsch Bank scandal, and put the pieces together. Plenty of in-depth and sobering articles are available on this subject, and the bottom line takeaway is that Russian money and influence indeed are swaying American policy and elections, and the whole thing is directly tied to the slow-moving Republican/Russian takeover of everything from our Supreme Court on down. By all means, don’t take my word for it, but by all means do your own research and do your own thinking. But these topics expand and branch out mighty far. Let’s snap focus back onto Kavanaugh.

******************************** “The politically convenient, scientifically baseless theory that sexual assault so traumatized Christine Blasey Ford she mixed up her attacker is now something like common wisdom for many Republicans… less than three weeks ago, when the mistaken-identity theory was first formulated, it was so widely ridiculed that a pundit who advanced it on Twitter subsequently apologized and offered to resign from his job.” -Avi Selk ********************************

October 5th Dr. Ford cover Illustration by John Mavroudis for TIME. © 2018

Some of Kavanaugh’s defenders have criticized Dr. Ford for being “coached” and otherwise manipulated. I have no doubt she got some advice from lawyers, etc., nor that the timing and presentation of her complaints were orchestrated through Democratic channels. That’s the name of the game in Big Time American Politics, folks. But her testimony was believable and compelling, and she retained adult composure through her emotions (it’s tough to imagine the storm of criticism she would have received from Republicans if she had behaved anything like Kavanaugh.) But the implication that Kavanaugh wasn’t also coached (with a professional eye toward manipulating opinion) is high-grade bullshit, or else a stunning level of naivete. Kavanaugh’s TV appearance in which he portrayed himself as a meek little virgin til long after high school, etc., was harshly disapproved of by Team Trump, and they coached him up with specific instructions for the Senate hearing: their advice was that he needed to unleash his anger. And Kavanaugh ran with the “anger” bit and it got away from him; that much-reported nasty temperament of his glared through the cracks in his public facade, and it wasn’t a pretty sight.

Kavanaugh’s face...God have mercy. Now in addition to Trump, we have another bitter, hideous visage to haunt our collective dreams. Understand we’re not discussing aesthetics. I’m referring to that old notion that eyes are the windows to the soul, and that intuitive interpretation of facial displays gives us significant information about an individual’s attitude, sense of humor, empathy...or the lack of it. And we were burned by flashes of Kavanaugh’s inner demons during the hearing. Much like Trump, Kavanaugh’s features contorted into a repellent mask of childish temper, ill-mannered impatience and lurking malevolence. It was a freak show that could have taught Hollywood’s monster make-up artists a trick or two. To the extent that Kavanaugh was moved (instructed) to write a quasi-apologetic op-ed piece after the hearing. But we all know what we saw.

During that hearing he raged at those who had questioned his nomination and he hinted not-so-subtly at retribution. He was prodded by White House counsel Don McGahn, who sat directly behind Kavanaugh during the hearing. The whole performance was sickeningly indignant, unashamedly entitled and arrogant, and stunningly partisan in a way that would have disqualified any nominee from previous years—but again, not so in today’s atmosphere of Trumpian distortion and pettiness.

Plenty of us out here recognize Kavanaugh for who he is. We’ve all known “that guy” in our lives; the spoiled, sneering little punkass who talks differently about women as soon as they walk out the door, and who suffers delusions of superiority, and who no one wants to hear any more shit from down at the corner bar.

Kavanaugh’s appointment was questioned or condemned by vast numbers in this country, represented by such organizations as the American Bar Association, Yale Law School, over 2400 Law Professors nationwide, many former classmates and friends, and the National Council of Churches (which represents 100,000 churches and about 45 million churchgoers.) Not to mention the many womens’ groups, the #MeToo movement, etc. Such outright opposition to a nominee for the Supreme Court is extraordinary, and the fact that said opposition was mocked, belittled and outright ignored by the Republicans determined to ram this nomination through come hell or high water—“we’re going to plow right through it,” as Mitch McConnell claimed without shame—yeah, such utter disregard for mass portions of the population is ominous. (And by the way, Trump’s dumbassed claim that Kavanaugh was “proven innocent” indicates a farcical, childish lack of legal comprehension.)

And of course, the meager FBI “investigation” allowed was nothing but a front. The whole circus was rushed and hushed, with zero perceivable interest in knowing the real truth. If team Trump had any interest in uniting the country or in general fairness, they could have trotted out any of a dozen other nominees, all of whom would even have satisfied the wish list of the conservative right, without all the unnecessary baggage. But there are higher priorities for these particular elected officials than fairness or the genuine best interests of the nation.

To pretend Kavanaugh isn’t a partisan shill now planted in the land’s highest court is preposterous belief in “alternative facts” and simplistic hype. The only ones who are fooled by Trump’s blather at this point are those who want to be fooled. His outright nonsense and habitual lies are easily spotted from miles away, but the sad fact is that his supporters don’t give a fuck. They don’t care if he lies, or demeans women or minorities or stirs up international diplomatic firestorms with “shithole countries”-style verbal diarrhea. As Trump himself famously said, he could “shoot somebody and not lose voters.” It’s strangely, sadly true.

It’s also true of Trump’s new handpuppet, Kavanaugh. To whom the idea of “a personality that is even-handed, unbiased, impartial, and dedicated to a process, not a result” in no way applies. Certainly not at this point, after he ranted about “the revenge of the Clintons,” and openly attacked “the Left,” “Democrats” and (for Crissakes) “the media” during his whinefest in front of the US Senate…beyond the pale, folks. We live in a strange new land, in strange new times.

Post-American, by many accounts. The much-revered and much-hated icon of the Left, Michael Moore, predicted Trump’s election in a written article in 2016. The prediction was often reprinted and ballyhooed as campaign-banner fodder by the Far Right. But they missed the warning flash of Moore’s article, and the unnerving prediction: “And now you’re fucked…When the rightfully angry people of Ohio and Michigan and Pennsylvania and Wisconsin find out after a few months in office that President Trump wasn’t going to do a damn thing for them, it will be too late to do anything about it…Goodnight America. You’ve just elected the last president of the United States.”

Pretty dramatic words, but unfortunately the further we sink into the era of the Trump regime, the less incredible such sentiments sound. We’re witnessing an active dismantling and attempted discrediting of institutions ranging from public education to the Free Press. And the schemed attack on the Supreme Court, again, has proven successful for far-righters who don’t give a damn about being even-handed or protecting an independent judiciary.

Trump said that Dr. Ford seemed “a very credible witness”and “very compelling” on one day. Then a few days later he openly mocked her like he was a dimwitted schoolkid. He gushed about what a great man Kavanaugh is, then the next day said, “I don’t even know him!” It’s all topsy-turvy and bizarre, the truth is treated like a curious artifact from a long-dead age, and Trump’s supporters act like it’s all “normal.” But it’s not. And the glimmer of hope is that there are plenty of us out here who understand perfectly well that Emperor Trump ain’t wearing any clothes. We see very clearly what’s happening in this country, the legitimizing of white supremacy, misogyny, homophobia, and bigotry of every stripe. We see you. We see you and know you and so does the whole world, and so will the history books, baby.

“I know Brett Kavanaugh but I wouldn’t confirm him,” wrote Benjamin Wittes, who had previously published and even admired Kavanaugh. “I cannot condone the partisanship—which was raw, undisguised, naked, and conspiratorial—from someone who asks for public faith as a dispassionate and impartial judicial actor. His performance was wholly inconsistent with the conduct we should expect from a member of the judiciary.”

And the message to women in this country, again, is sadly obvious. “Shut the hell up. Because if you ever dare to speak up about this kind of thing again, we will openly ridicule you and no one in power will ever take you seriously.”

******************************************** “Kavanaugh, though, has a distinct honor: He will be the first justice nominated by someone who lost the popular vote to earn his seat on the bench with support from senators representing less than half of the country while having his nomination opposed by a majority of the country.” -Philip Bump *********************************************

CODA: Yeah. The country is divided in a way it hasn’t been since Vietnam. Extremists are multiplying, and they’re nurturing diseases that were seething under the surface for many years before Trump. And indeed, we’re witnessing a perverse resurgence of tolerance for fascism and white supremacism worldwide. But here in America, Trump is the ringmaster of the new Ugliness; his lowering the bar of public discourse, his smug approval of greed and cruelty, his nod-and-a-wink okey-dokes to racism, misogyny and all manner of bigotry—he has legitimized, pardoned and coronated the creeps, the rotten underbelly of our society, the very worst we have to offer.

Let’s vote some of these bastards out in November, folks.

[nagatsukinura119]

Doki-doki Literature Club-Project Libitina theory

[Original post is in reddit]

Okay. I’ve been playing DDLC non-stop these days and I just can’t get enough of the characters, especially my personal favorite. Since I’ve got some time to spare, I feel like talking about what I think about her, as well as theories and speculations concerning her. I will also be talking about the other girls a little bit afterwards. Let me just say there will be A LOT OF SPOILERS from the game and easter eggs in it. You may need to take some notes to whatever assumptions/theories I made in this post because this will be long and complicated.

Naturally, I’ll start with my favorite. Yuri. We start of with her being the shy, timid and sweet bookworm. Just like what MC said, she seemed like a person that could hardly keep up with Sayori and Natsuki, which is exactly how I would feel if I had to deal with such an energetic and robust personality. Regardless, I find that it’s a bit odd that it was Yuri who greets us first when we come into the club, and not Monika, the President.

(Yuri greeting us as we first enter the classroom)

It felt like we were supposed to meet her first to establish her character as much as possible because personally, I think Yuri has the most drastic change after her programming gets tampered by dear Monika. I mean, as I said from the beginning, she started as a quiet and innocent girl and then she turned into an uncontrollable laughing masochist. I have seen many people saying that Yuri has been attracted to knives for pleasure reasons from the beginning and that her mind has been twisted from the start. Meanwhile, I don’t see it this way. Bear in mind that I do not deny that I DO think she is fascinated with knives for some time already. Based on my research on people who does self-harming, there are 6 reasons why they do so. And I think of 3 possible reasons why Yuri harms herself. One, to regain control; to shift attention. Two, to self-punish. Three, to experience euphoria. But each of these reasons occur in different occasions.

For this point, I’ll be talking about the possibilities she harms herself for reason #1 and reason #2. Remember, she was bullied because of her mannerisms when she gets excited (maybe concerning her knife fascination), and this contributes to her self-harming. I think that she feels like she is revolting, even sickening and as such she punishes herself with those knives, and believes that those scars are meant for her and she deserves them. She did say that “[She] started hating those things about [herself]”. Eventually she finds comfort from the knives as the pain makes her forget or control her urges from getting overexcited. It is hinted that Yuri doesn’t have any friends, because she mentions that she eats lunch by herself and jokes that her boyfriend is fictional. As such, she comes to believe that the knives are her ‘friends’ since they are the only things, aside from books, that give her comfort and company. And this is why she treasures her knife collections so much and made sure that they are not ‘lonely’. Note how she talks as if they were people. This girl is craving for human interaction! But sadly, the interaction she had previously were insults and dismissal. Let’s also not forget that Yuri has a low self-esteem, and is often second guessing herself. I also like to think that she punishes herself as she falls for MC because she feels like she doesn’t deserve him. When we are about to catch her red-handed, the MC describes the sound she makes are as if she was in pain. I think before her personality worsens into being possessive and crazy, her main reasons to hurt herself are these. But as she starts to fall for him more and more, reason #3 comes in, and Monika worsens it even further.

(Yuri on her past and fascination)

Now, on to reason #3; to experience euphoria. Human beings have different ways to experience ecstasy, even weird ways. Sexual pleasure often comes soon after one is infatuated with another, especially by teenagers whose hormones are acting like wildfire. And cutting herself is one of her ways to find pleasure, aside from… other things that she does like touching herself with MC’s pen... Then this would give us an idea that Yuri could be a masochist. After she confesses to MC, I think there are explained reasons why she kills herself, for both ‘Yes’ and ‘No’ response from us. If we choose ‘Yes’, she wants to feel happier and more excited and this brings us back to reason #3 but this this time her pleasure is way over line and instead of cutting herself she goes to stabbing herself because she can’t contain herself anymore. If we choose ‘No’, I think she is trying to protect us from herself. Maybe she’s feeling a psychotic side of her is trying to kill us for rejecting her, so she stabs herself to save us. Either way, Yuri’s end is already written the moment Monika messes with her programming.

I have another thought that Monika may feel threatened by Yuri the most. Considering how drastic she changed Yuri’s programming, it seems like this is possible. I noticed that right at the beginning when MC just gets into the club, Monika openly states that Yuri is trying to impress him. Now this may be just some slight teasing, but I can’t help but feel that this is one of Monika’s schemes to make Yuri seem undesirable, since some players do not really prefer shy girls like Yuri. I may be overthinking this, but what do you think?

Now onto the bigger part of this post. In Monika’s character file, she mentions that DDLC isn’t her only story, which means it’s not the only game she’s in and the same goes for the other characters.

“But I know that this isn't my only story. I can see that now. Really clearly. And I think everyone else has had the same kind of experience. Some kind of deja vu.”

-Monika’s file

What if one of the other games that they featured in together is Project Libitina? In this game, they have a different name.

So, in Project Libitina, if we assume it’s a different game (that sets before DDLC), there are 3 characters mentioned; Libitina, Elyssa and Reiner. People mostly only take note of these three, but we’re forgetting about the person who mentions Elyssa and Reiner. So I’m saying we should be considering the fourth character from Project Libitina, and the last person would be unknown (I like to call this person the Reporter). Now, we need to figure out who Libitina and Elyssa are first. Many people have theorized that Libitina is either Yuri or Monika.

What piqued my interest the most about Yuri is the possibility she could be Libitina! I learned about this theory from the YouTube channel Game Theory (yes I am a constant viewer of this series). Although I usually watch the channel just for fun, but this time it’s different. For some reason the idea that Yuri might be the girl with supernatural (psychic) abilities just hypes me up so much! This may be because if she is Libitina she’ll have much more spotlight towards her and we can perhaps learn more about her backstory. All the girls in DDLC have vague backstories but Yuri and Monika have the most mysterious one as Sayori and Natsuki are established to at least have a family, regardless happy or not. Is it possible that Yuri’s love for knives comes from an abusive environment, or an even more sinister situation? If so, this links back to Game Theory about Yuri possibly coming from an experiment, and that her lust for danger and harm are derived from it. Remember the image of the white-haired woman from Natsuki’s character file? Although MatPat said the woman doesn’t bear resemblance with any of the characters, I couldn’t help but notice some similarities between that woman and Yuri.

Sure, the woman looks older and might be in her twenties or even older. But notice that she looks quite thin, as if she’s malnourished. This makes me think what if the image of this woman is an older Yuri? If you look closely, their hair is almost similar to each other, with parts of their hair shaping up around their faces near the cheeks, and they have a huge strand of bangs in the middle of their forehead. They also have two strands of hair that flow to their chest. Speaking of which, it seems like both women have the same chest size. Sure, there are a bit of differences that the lady clearly has thicker volume of hair and her bang is facing the opposite side, but we can assume that years of abuse and experimentation may alter her appearance a bit. What’s more is that NONE of the other girls have this kind of hairstyle! Another thing that suggests that Yuri is Libitina is supported through Yuri’s character file. After decoding it, we know it’s a story about ‘Maria’ who is curious about killing. She shows aspects of being a careful stalker and eventually kills someone named Linda. Maria’s thirst for the idea of killing is somewhat related to Yuri since her self-harming behaviour may be coming from her thirst for blood. It’s a long shot, but who else in DDLC is related to blood expect Yuri?

Monika is, actually. In Special Poem 4, the writer cuts herself for the first time and finds it exhilarating and now understands Yuri’s pleasure. She describes herself as the ‘responsible one’ and this quickly makes me believe that this is Monika.

Reading further to one of Yuri’s poems (the one covered in blood) Yuri feels disgusted for thinking of images of killing someone. This makes me think what if these images are images of ‘Maria’ killing Linda? The reason why Yuri sees this is because Monika puts in those images from her character file into her mind as she manipulates Yuri’s programming. By putting these images, it deteriorates Yuri’s mental state. Which makes sense when in that poem Yuri says, “Her Third Eye is drawing [Yuri] closer” (Yuri, mdpnfbo,jrfp) where “her” is referring to Monika. I also got this idea when in the game, she mentions that “recently, [she]’s been feeling something sharp whenever [Monika]’s around”. If Yuri feels disgusted with these uncontrollable thoughts and images, it adds more reason why she harms herself. Either way, Monika knows this would make her less desirable to us.

Whoop. Hold up a minute. Project Libitina supposedly happened before DDLC since the subject test Libitina’s age is reported to be 3 years old which means that the white-haired lady shouldn’t be any of the girls if the image IS Libitina. Unless the image is an image from an incoming future, after the events of DDLC, should Yuri have survived! WHAAAAAAAT!?

Okay, as much as I love the idea of Yuri being the next potential main character or villain, I’d like to expand the idea of Monika/Libitina more. From the Project Libitina report, we know the test subject (Libitina) has the ‘Third Eye’ ability. And this ability seems to be related to the “trait that turns them into killing machines for blood” (Portrait of Markov, Act 2). Okay, as of now, we don’t know if this means that the people who have the ‘Third Eye’ just have the impulse to kill people for blood, or that they have the ability to manipulate others to kill. They are simply called ‘killing machines’ in the book but that doesn’t imply that they’re the ones who do the killing directly. If the ‘Third Eye’ really is a psychic ability to manipulate others to kill, that does open Monika’s candidacy as Libitina since she is able to manipulate the other girls’ programming. But let’s not forget Sayori as well. I think after Monika is deleted and then Sayori becomes self-aware, I do think she has gained the ‘Third Eye’ ability, but she hasn’t mastered or maybe not fully aware of her newfound ability. In Act 4, it seems like Sayori is developing an almost obsessive personality. I think if Monika doesn’t stop Sayori, she’d end up controlling or manipulating the game instead. Because of this, I believe Sayori is a potential Libitina candidate.

(Sayori’s developing obsessive personality)

But I also like to think the possibility that both Yuri and Monika are Libitina, who is split into two separate entities. I mean, they are not that different since they are the ones who would go for drastic measures to force us to be with them, Yuri being pushing Natsuki and Monika away, and Monika being deleting other characters. They also show their own obsessive and possessive behaviour to us. They are both Yandere in their own creepy way. Not to mention they are the only ones with long hair.

Next, on to Elyssa. Now, we don’t know who she is, nor do we know anything about her. She is only mentioned once in Special Poem 3, where her symptoms are compared to someone else’s symptoms (I think she is compared to Libitina). And that her condition seems very serious. And that Reiner is seen as someone who is behind everything, and he is assumed to be torturing or abusing Elyssa. Now, who in DDLC is abused by a paternal figure? Natsuki. So far, there is no further resemblance between Elyssa and Natsuki aside from the fact that they are both apparently abused by a man. But other than this, Elyssa has no similarities with the rest of the girls. Not to mention that the Reporter does mention “this family” in their report. And in DDLC we know that Natsuki is the only one who mentions her family member: her father. So from this, we can assume that Elyssa is Natsuki and Reiner is her father. But in this game, Reiner is a scientist who works on Elyssa, another test subject. But here’s a catch. In one of her poems, the one that needs to be decoded, is a description of the writer killing someone, and there is a voice telling her to stop “this uncontrollable pleasure”. If Natsuki/Elyssa is sharing the same urge for killing or lust for blood like Yuri/Libitina then this makes kind of sense if Libitina and Elyssa are tortured in the same prison.

On to the final character, the Reporter. I’d like to think that this person is the MC or us. Since in Special Poem 3, the Reporter, much like us or MC, is just someone who got involved into something that we aren’t prepared for. Not much to say about this character, since we don’t know if we should be indulging much about them. In one of my last discussions with a friend, we also consider that Monika could be the Reporter. This would explain why she knows things that happened in Project Libitina and DDLC.

Still with me? Just as a reminder. I’m pointing out that Project Libitina is a different game that presents the previous life of the characters in DDLC, not their childhood or past. Reincarnations, to put simply.

Now, here’s another twist that I came up with. What if the characters in the Portrait of Markov are the same characters in Project Libitina? From Yuri’s reaction when we mention that she resembles the main character (who is probably Libitina), her flabbergasted reaction kind of sends a signal as if she doesn’t want us to notice it. In Portrait of Markov, the main character is a girl who moves in to a school with her younger sister. She then gets targeted by people escaping from a human experiment prison. Sound familiar? What if that experiment prison is the same one where Project Libitina was held? And what if the girls in the book are Libitina and Elyssa who escaped from the prison? Sure, they may not be biological siblings, but years of torture in the prison makes them find comfort from each other to the point they are like siblings. When they escaped from the prison, they were separated and adopted by different families. And if my theory on Yuri/Libitina and Natsuki/Elyssa is correct, then their relationship in DDLC makes a bit more sense because they are often interacting with each other and Natsuki is always looking out for Yuri. Maybe they don’t remember each other’s faces after so many years and their minds naturally shut down the memories of their torture in the prison, but instinctively Natsuki feels protective of Yuri. As for Yuri, maybe she remembers some glimpse of her previous life as Libitina, but not Elyssa. I know you might be asking, then who is the author of Portrait of Markov? Well, what if the author is the Reporter, whom in DDLC has a different name and life, but just like Yuri and Natsuki, has some memory of their previous life? It can be assumed that they may feel guilty for not being able to help or do anything for Elyssa, but who knows maybe they actually helped Libitina and Elyssa to escape. Maybe they wrote Portrait of Markov that acts as a recollection to the girls’ horrible experience and that they can never really escape from the people from the prison. I know this still leaves the question, who was Sayori and Monika in Project Libitina? Well, remember when I said Libitina’s reincarnation may be split into separate entities? Monika and Yuri can both be Libitina with each of them having some aspects of her; Monika having the ‘Third Eye’ ability and Yuri having Libitina’s uncontrolled lust for blood. So where does this leave Sayori? Unfortunately I can’t think of any ideas for her place in Project Libitina, not just because I’m running out of characters.

I really am way over my head making up this twist, am I? Lololol.

But I sill have a question from the game (DDLC). After Sayori’s death, one of the opening messages when you start the game says, “PM died for this”. Who the heck is PM? One thing that came into my mind was Project M but I don’t think it has anything to do with DDLC. Another thing was the thought that PM might be an abbreviate for Portrait of Markov. But then it should have been “PoM” instead of “PM” and still wouldn’t make sense. So who is it!?

That’s all I have for now. I’ve been thinking a lot about this after discussing with my friend so many times and coming up with so many crazy ideas and assumptions based on things that we saw and read from the game and reddit posts. I’d like to know what you guys think about this.

[loreleywrites]

The Agony of Defeat

Nicol Bolas reigns triumphant over the ruins of Naktamun.

“Hour of Devastation” concluded the Hour of Devastation, and Amonkhet block, story with the Elder Dragon’s battle against the Gatewatch. Each Planeswalker is forced to retreat as they fail to even harm the elder dragon. We can theorize what this all means for Bolas’s plans, but that’s not what I want to examine today.

Instead, the Gatewatch’s defeat marks a pivotal moment in the story of each of its members. Each has had their weaknesses exposed and exploited. As Magic’s story moves forward, it’s time for them to level up.

I previously charted where Jace, Liliana, Chandra, Nissa, and Gideon’s respective story arcs are going. Hour of Devastation has ended the first act of these arcs. So what’s next? How will each of these Planeswalkers recover from defeat? That is what’s on our plate for today.

Jace

Jace’s Defeat by Kieran Yanner

Jace faltered during a mental battle with Bolas, who just so happens to be one of the most powerful mind mages in the entire Multiverse. Oops. Jace avoids mind-death, but it’s implied that much of his mental self has been damaged in the fight. He blindly planeswalks away from Amonkhet.

Speculation is easier when we’re told what happens next. Thanks to the product description for The Art of Magic: The Gathering – Ixalan on Amazon, we know that Jace has been marooned on the plane of Ixalan. In a world of pirates and nonavian dinosaurs, Jace will be inhabiting the castaway trope. Things get even worse for the illusionist; we also know that Vraska, who tried to assassinate Jace, is exploring Ixalan for a lost city.

Jace has been busy making his own problems and then not dealing with them. It’s a bad pattern, and Ixalan may give him a unique opportunity for some sort of do-over. It might also result in a quest to fix his mind that repairs the damage dealt in his battle with Alhammarret that first flung him into the Blind Eternities. With his mind whole again, Jace might finally be ready to find more mature solutions to his problems than constantly erasing his memories and running from them.

Who better to coach Jace through such maturation than Ugin? It seems possible that the spirit dragon himself may be on Ixalan as well. Consider this passage from “Hour of Devastation” from when Jace tries to read Bolas’s mind:

The walls around the dragon's mind were smooth and featureless, like dark obsidian. There seemed to be no entry, nothing to even latch onto. Jace had never encountered a mind so impenetrable, except for . . . the merest moment of a memory surfaced of a mind as smooth and dazzling as a wall of crystal. But even as the thought entered his mind, it erased itself, and he could not remember where he had seen such a thing—or even what kind of thing it was.

Jace may not remember what that “wall of crystal” is, but we sure do. It’s Ugin’s mind, which Jace failed to read in “Revelation at the Eye”:

Jace had assumed Ugin was long dead, if indeed Ugin had ever been a person at all. Yet here he was, in the luminous flesh. Jace tried to read the great being's mind, to verify his story, but found it as smooth and dazzling as a wall of crystal.

Ken Troop is always one to drop hints, and this is a weird and meaningless detail if it’s not some sort of clue. Ugin also left his encounter with Jace curious about why Bolas manipulated the release of the Eldrazi in the first place. Should Jace and Ugin meet again on Ixalan, it would be a fantastic opportunity to rebuild Jace’s mind with some new information about Bolas’s sinister plans.

Liliana

Liliana’s Defeat by Kieran Yanner

For what it’s worth, Liliana escapes Amonkhet intact. The cost, however, were her alliance with the rest of the Gatewatch and her own dignity. She threatens to kill Bolas with the Chain Veil, but he sweet talks her out of it. Liliana’s not stupid; she knows she can’t tap into the Veil’s power to kill Bolas without it killing her anyway. After failing to convince the rest of the Gatewatch to flee, she turns to Bolas and asks where he wants her to go.

"Away," Bolas said. "Away. I will find you, and then we will talk. There are so many useful matters to discuss. Go now, Liliana Vess."

Quite an open-ended command.

So where will Liliana go? She’s embroiled in emotion in this battle, wallowing in self-pity over yet another betrayal and her own powerlessness. When she finally does flee, she actually cries over the loss of Jace. This is Liliana out of her element, succumbing to feelings she’s spent centuries trying to suppress. Feelings that might remind her of Josu, her brother that she doomed to the void as a young adult.

A brother that is likely still on Dominaria. The same Dominaria where Ajani wants to rendezvous with the Gatewatch. The same Dominaria that is the focus of Dominaria, the set after Ixalan block. If you want to know where Liliana is likely to go, just follow where multiple story threads are converging.

Liliana has plenty of other things going on too. Belzenlok, her final demonic master, is still at large. The Chain Veil still seeks resurrection for the Onakke ogres. The Raven Man still manipulates Liliana towards a mysterious end. And now Bolas wants to user her abilities once again. One interesting thing we learned in “Hour of Devastation” is that the Raven Man wants Liliana working for Bolas, while the Onakke are very much opposed to such an arrangement. Put a bunch of selfish people in a room together and drama is bound to ensue.

So what’s next for Liliana? Rock. Bottom. I expect to see her again in Dominaria with her life spiraling out of control around her.

Chandra

Chandra’s Defeat by Kieran Yanner

It’s easy to forget that Nicol Bolas is also a gigantic dragon with muscles and claws. Chandra will never forget that again, however. She retreats from Amonkhet after having multiple ribs broken when Bolas scoops her up in his hand. Physically battered and emotionally stretched to her limit as she watches Nissa wracked with pain, Chandra barely has time to planeswalk before passing out.

Chandra’s next steps are a little trickier to figure out though. We know Amonkhet was originally slated to occur before Kaladesh. In the grand scheme of things, this would have meant that Chandra’s story arc from Magic Origins wouldn’t have wrapped up until after her defeat by Bolas. With the swap happening, Chandra’s story is awkwardly in purgatory until something new happens.

What do we have to speculate on, then? We already know a core conflict of Chandra’s character is the duality of compassionate intentions and recklessly destructive powers. Bolas chides her for this too, calling her a fool that’s easy to manipulate. Ultimately, Chandra succumbs to her own feelings of powerlessness.

Chandra’s more powerful than her body can even sustain. She endured crippling stress from roasting Ulamog and Kozilek on Zendikar. She was confident that she could burn hot enough to destroy an entire section of Ghirapur. She even has this surprising second wind against Bolas:

Her fire was blinding white, coruscating rivers of flame that lashed the dragon. Bolas's eyes narrowed, and he was forced backward for the first time in the fight, letting Gideon drop to the ground as the dragon retreated.

While this is probably just poetic language, it might be a vague reference to the white-burning Purifying Fire that the Order of Heliud used on Regatha. The Order sought to strip Chandra of her spark using the Purifying Fire, but she was able to pass through with a clean conscience and emerge unharmed. Has she possibly found a way to channel the Fire’s magic in this passage?

Even if this passage has nothing to do with the Purifying Fire, we may still see Chandra return to Regatha and study more at Keral Keep. She is still a monk.

We have so few specifics to go on, but Chandra is primed to learn better control over her immense firepower. If she can level up and learn a little more patience, she may become an even greater asset to the Gatewatch.

Nissa

Nissa’s Defeat by Kieran Yanner

Nissa is an animist, forging connections with planes themselves to draw out their natural power. Her problem on Amonkhet is that Bolas has already asserted his dominion over the plane’s leylines. Her elementals are actually the most effective weapon against Bolas in the entire fight, but the archmage easily overpowers her once he focuses on her defeat.

This is another case of a Planeswalker’s main story being wrapped up before the Bolas fight. Nissa saved Zendikar. She followed the Eldrazi threat to Innistrad and saved that world too. That was all she was interested in doing at the time, but traveling with the Gatewatch has since exposed her to new experiences. Those experiences opened her up to the power and insight of Blue mana.

We learn in “Hour of Devastation” that Nissa might be backtracking on her decision to join the Gatewatch:

But she had finally broken through, finally wrested enough control to move the earth to her will, only for Bolas to have crippled her with a word. She had thought her destiny to be different on this world, had thought her time in Kefnet's temple opened up possibilities previously unimagined . . . but no. Kefnet and the other gods lay dead in the streets, their threads cut short, their uses unexplored.

And this battle, this confrontation against the evil that was Nicol Bolas . . . The Gatewatch had been exposed.

Nissa had never questioned the purpose of the Gatewatch before. There was always an immediate need, wrongs to be righted, evil to be overcome. And it had worked. For so long it had worked. Until now. Until a dragon of immense power and intellect had shown the errors of coming in unprepared and underpowered.

Perhaps there was a better way.

This doubt is nothing new for Nissa. In “Zendikar Resurgent,” she expressed hesitation with leaving her home plane in the first place:

"I don't know if I can leave." The words out of her mouth, Nissa held her breath.

Nissa then goes on to talk about how she wants to guard and protect Zendikar’s recovery. Watch the people work together to rebuild their broken world. She’s homesick. Opening herself to new experiences almost got her and all her friends killed on Amonkhet. That might be the negative experience that closes her up again and sends her home.

From a meta perspective, this makes sense. Zendikar is a popular plane. A return there would also mean a return to this raw adventure world without Eldrazi influence. That matches the emotional theme of Nissa returning home and turning her back on the Gatewatch. She may even have a chance to guard it from a still-vindictive Nahiri or vengeful Ob Nixilis.

Gideon

Gideon’s Defeat by Kieran Yanner

And then there was beefslab.

Bolas made sure to prove that Gideon’s indestructibility was anything but. He also noted that Gideon is a poor tactician, an irresponsible leader, and a selfish martyr-wannabe. Worse yet, Gideon knows Bolas is right. Bolas is so right, in fact, that he even confirms my long-standing belief that Gideon Jura wants to die:

"I could kill you, Gideon, anytime I want. But I suspect you would not mind dying, the way you play so carelessly with your life.”

But Gideon doesn’t want to die anymore. Instead, he has been given a reason to live. Consider what Bontu said to him at the end of her trial in “Brazen”:

"You look only for what satisfies your sense of justice. Your ambitions end with vindication for your past hubris."

Bontu may have been a top-tier jerk, but her divinity does give her the ability to know the souls of mortals. She’s not lying here; Gideon was stuck in the past trying to kill Erebos and save his friends again and again and again. His tragic arrogance has gotten people killed on Zendikar and contributed to the Gatewatch’s defeat on Amonkhet. It’s finally time for Gideon to remember what made him the Sun’s Champion in the first place.

Gideon leans on his invulnerability to win battles. But what he needs to do is remember Hixus’s training in hieromancy. Analyzing the battlefield. Dictating the flow of combat. Using magic to augment tactics. Gideon is the kid who coasted through college but got blindsided by adult life. He needs to get his ish together.

I’m not sure where Gideon’s enlightenment will occur. He could go back to Theros; Hixus is probably still alive to help him remember who he was as Kytheon Iora. But I don’t think that’s necessary. I also don’t think the next five story arcs will be about the individual members of the Gatewatch. Gideon could show up in any of the other arcs and still hone his old skills.

Wherever Gideon’s refocused faith springs to life, he’ll need to stop running from his past and accept his shortcomings as a mythic hero.

[Insert Training Montage Here]

Magic’s story is shifting into a new meta chapter. As Nicol Bolas’s evil schemes grind ahead, the Gatewatch finds themselves exceptionally inadequate to save the Multiverse. It’s time for them to do some serious soul searching.

Jace’s his immaturity and self-destructive behavior has left his mind broken. Only by embracing his past sins can he move forward as a more confident adult. Liliana is tangled in a web of betrayal. If she doesn’t find an ounce of integrity, the spiders at her throat will consume her. Chandra means well, but wields power she cannot control. Focus can temper her volatility and bring out her true strength. Nissa doubts her role in the Gatewatch. I’m not sure her position is salvageable right now. She may need to take some time off for self-care. Gideon’s recklessness has caught up to him once again. But the fires of justice are alight in his heart for the first time since his youth.

With luck, Ajani will take the news well and extend a helpful paw. If there is one thing they Gatewatch needs more than anything else right now, it’s mentoring wisdom. I, for one, am excited to see how the team dusts itself off after such humiliation.

[elanorjane]

Vigilante Rose [Ch 5/20]

Summary: The small business owners in Hyperion Heights are the targets of a major crime wave. When the police, especially a particularly irritating detective, refuse to do anything about it, Belle decides to save her bookstore and the city she loves herself. With help from her costumer friend, Jefferson, Belle develops a secret alter ego to defend Hyperion Heights from those who mean it harm.

Detective Weaver has a pile of unsolved break-ins on his desk and a vigilante who thinks she can take the law into her own hands. Now, he not only has to catch the vandals but uncover the identity of a mysterious masked woman who manages to get to every crime scene before he does. All while fighting his growing attraction to the latest victim, a local bookstore owner.When their two trails begin to converge, revealing something even more sinister than they imagined, their mutual desire becomes the least of their problems.

Based on this Rumbelle Prompt: http://rumbelleprompts.tumblr.com/post/173724656640/belle-is-a-librarian-who-works-at-dodgsons-books

AO3 Link

Belle curled up in the corner of her couch and hugged a pillow to herself. The adrenaline of the day had worn off and she felt tired and violated and alone. After the cops had left she’d spent a long afternoon sweeping up glass and putting the store back to rights as much as she could with a big hole in it. She’d made some calls and she didn’t know if she’d be able to afford getting the window replaced before the insurance check came through, which could be months. So for now a blue tarp and a wooden frame had to be good enough.  

If her store had been outright robbed she could almost understand. Someone was desperate and felt they needed the money more than her. But to just destroy something that belonged to someone else for no reason. That seemed particularly heinous to her. Nothing anyone had said to her, including the cops, had been comforting.

She thought of Detective Weaver so flippant and cocksure with his upturned collar. He’d studied her with such cool disinterest.    

Stop reading so many fairy tales.

She glared at the space in front of her. The way he’d drawn out the ‘Miss,’ like he’d meant to offend her. Like it was a character flaw she was single! The nerve! He was the law. He was supposed to be helpful!

Which reminded her of all the ways the proper channels had failed her lately. The government, the police, her fellow business owners. No wonder people were giving up and moving out of Hyperion Heights.

Maybe she should finally take the hint and follow suit.

No, she shook herself. She’d pitied herself long enough for today. The money and the insurance she had limited control over. But if her store went down it will be through no fault of her own. She focused on the most pressing issue she could do something about. Maybe a neighborhood watch would help with the crime problem? She thought of the lackluster response to her petition. She didn’t expect more enthusiasm from her neighbors over a nightly watch than she had gotten from her fellow store owners with an attempted rebellion against Victoria.   Belle worried for her books. There was so little standing between someone pushing past the tarp and further vandalizing her store. She could put real security cameras in, but that wouldn’t stop people from committing crimes, that would just give the police a little more evidence after the fact. Also, it would only protect her store - what about everyone else’s? What could she do to help her neighborhood now? The neighborhood watch idea wouldn’t leave her. Even if it was just a small, dedicated group of them. Even if it was just her.

Yes. If no one else was going to do anything about the rising crime in Hyperion Heights - she would! Even if she just went down to the store and looked around to make sure no one was messing with Dodgson’s or any of the surrounding businesses. She could scare anyone with nefarious purposes off by her presence alone. She wouldn’t stay downtown all night, just wait around and see if anyone came by. Like a patrol, the kind the police refused to do. Before she registered what she was doing she was on her feet and standing in front of her bedroom closet.  

She looked at the contents critically. Bright knits and loud patterns stared back at her. On the floor at her feet was an impressive array of heels. What does one wear to an anti-burglary? Nothing in her entire wardrobe was appropriate for the kickboxing class her friend Ruby kept insisting she take with her, let alone an anti-theft adventure. She could go to the Goodwill and pick up some black jeans and a hoodie, but that wasn’t her style. That wouldn’t give her confidence. This was a special excursion. It called for a special outfit.  

The answer was, of course, The Mad Hatter, a costume rental shop run by her friend, Jefferson. In any other town, he’d be a couture designer. It seemed like Hyperion Heights didn’t allow for anyone to reach their potential.  

She found him in the back behind heavy velour curtains. He was hunched over a tattered Batman costume, a needle and thread in his teeth. She thought again how Jefferson should be spending his time making clothes for the Governor’s Ball. Not scrambling to make ends meet for him and his sweet daughter, Grace, through Halloween parties. This just steeled her determination further. She wasn’t doing this for just herself but for all of Hyperion Heights.  

Upon noticing her, the needle and thread dropped out of his mouth and he let the costume fall to the floor.

“Belle of the ball!” He greeted in his hyperbolic manner. “Did you get everything with the insurance figured out? Do you need me to march down there and give someone a strict talking to?” That’s what was great about Jefferson. He was always willing to go to war with you. Not that she would ever ask him to. He was a single father. Putting his name on a petition was one thing, leaving his young daughter to prowl the streets at night with her was another.

“Actually, I was wondering if you could make me something.” The walls surrounding them were covered floor to ceiling with shelves of fabric, ribbons, and jewels obsessively organized by type.  

“For you? Anything!” he clapped.  

She wandered the shelves, searching for inspiration. “This isn’t really a heels thing. More athletic.” She tilted her head to better admire a pair of brown scuffed knee high boots that looked like they belonged to an Annie Oakley costume. “But no sneakers,” she added hastily.

He mock gasped, “I wouldn’t dream of it!”  

“I need a whole outfit,” she continued, warming up to the idea she’d hatched at the apartment.  

She stopped at the row of leather and faux fabrics, admiring the different shades from black to burgundy to brown. “Something strong. Something sturdy that won’t rip when I stretch and move around.”

“Have you met someone?”

“What?” Belle’s mind automatically went to the detective she’d met earlier that day. His face creased and crinkled with intensity and intelligence. Intrigue and something akin to attraction flared in her. But then she remembered how rude he’d been to her and she forced it all down.  

“A little BDSM?” Jefferson wagged his eyebrows.

“Oh!” she jerked away from the leathers. “No,” she stammered, “I mean, this isn’t about him.”

“But you have met somebody?” he drawled.

“No, I mean yes, but it’s not like that,” she closed her eyes to compose her thoughts. “He came by the shop today to ask questions about the window.”

“Oh, a cop!” Despite her efforts to the contrary, Jefferson was growing more and more intrigued.

“Detective,” she corrected automatically.  

“Even sexier.” He looked impressed and vastly too emotionally invested in her story.  

She ignored his comment. “You should have heard him today, Jefferson,” she complained, “he was so…” she searched for the right word to encapsulate his overwhelming masculinity, the very definition of a rogue, “impertinent!”

Jefferson nodded, deep in thought. “I always thought you needed someone more your opposite. Two nice people together is just...blah,” he made a face.

She couldn’t let him go down this path. Next thing she knew he’d be designing and sending her lingerie for this imaginary love affair. “But this isn’t about him, not like that,” she insisted again, pushing astute brown eyes and soft hair out of her mind. “I’m doing something for the neighborhood. But you can’t tell anybody!”

“Not nearly as interesting, but,” Jefferson mimed zipping his lips and throwing away an imaginary key.

Belle took a deep breath. She hadn’t spoken her idea aloud to anyone yet. Was she crazy? Could her idea actually work? Would she make any difference at all? “I’m going to catch whoever has been breaking into our stores.”

She was met by complete silence.

Then, “How?”

Well, she hadn’t thought that part all the way through yet. “A stakeout,” she decided on the spot. “I’ll catch them red-handed. I’ll call the police to come immediately, or take their picture or a video, and turn it in,” her speech grew impassioned. “The police can’t be everywhere at once and security footage hasn’t helped them catch anyone yet. Maybe I can make a difference. Even if I prevent one vandalism it will be one less reason for people to give up on Hyperion Heights.”  

Jefferson considered her soliloquy. Would he shoot her idea down? Try to stop her? She really felt she could do this, she could make a difference, she felt it in her bones.  

“This detective really got you riled up, didn’t he?”

She deflated on the spot.

“I’m kidding, I’m kidding,” he assured her. He stood in front of her, taking her shoulders in his hands and gently shaking them until he got a small smile out of her. “Well, if you’re going to save the world,” he said finally. “You better look fabulous doing it.”

[racingtoaredlight]

Profiles in IMDb Greatness: Matt Ross

I love the Internet Movie Database. If I’m looking to Instagram stalk the pretty Italian lady from the second season of Master of None it’s a great outlet to find her real name. As such I enjoy looking over random performer pages and arbitrarily judging the scope and quality of their careers to determine if they merit entry into my vaguely defined IMDb Hall of Fame. Today’s enshrinee: Matt Ross

Fate and the Home Box Office television network conspired to serve up a perfect actor for inclusion in this hallowed Hall when as the fourth season of Silicon Valley was up and running while it seemed like American Psycho was on twice a day (and then like a month passed without my actually doing the post but it’s here now so leave me alone). Anyone who can both legitimately unnerve Patrick Bateman and make hostile corporate takeovers hilarious is working with a full deck as a performer.

First Listed Role: I already know this profile is going to be a winner since I’ve seen his first credited role, 1994′s PCU.

It’s been a great long while since I’ve seen PCU (so long ago that even with the picture I can’t remember what exactly Matt Ross did) but I recall it being entertaining enough while still thinking my buddies oversold the hell out of it. It’s a fun movie to look back on as a reminder that even with all the crybabies today annoyed they can no longer use racial slurs decrying political correctness is not a new phenomenon.

Also George Clinton rocks pretty hard in it if memory serves.

Most Recent Finished Work: The great Silicon Valley. That show sneaked up on me during the second season when I had a realization that I looked forward to it just about as much as any other show on TV and would regularly have your faithful writer laughing loudly like an idiot multiple times an episode.

On the show Ross has helped create one of the great villains of television Gavin Belson. Think a more insecure, outwardly evil Bill Gates whose tech giant company Hooli is a constant cloud over the doings of the show’s, for lack of a better word, heroes. A common trait with Ross’ best roles is being able to possess a certain oily sleaziness. Gavin Belson as CEO of a major corporation is more polished than the Alby Grants he’s portrayed but the running bit with animal props as board meetings is a perfect showcase for a hilarious lack of basic morality.

CSI/Law & Order/NCIS Guest Spots: In furthering being the perfect IMDb HOF entrant Matt Ross has a double dip of CSIs (no Law & Order surprisingly, but he does do more film work than a lot of the others so less available time I’d imagine).

From CSI: Miami we have Silencer.

Horatio and his team investigate a double murder at a concert, but unraveling the mystery becomes difficult when leads take them in two directions: the Mala Noche gang, and a pharmaceutical company.

Difficult to say where Ross’ character Paul Burton falls into this mess but if I had to guess I’d wager he’s aligned with the pill pushers than the Mala Noche gang. Being a shady pharmacy lab tech feels just right for him. I just hope it was George Clinton concert that claimed those two souls as a bit of an Easter egg to Matt Ross’ early work.

And then there’s CSI: Original Recipe with Meat Jekyll. As first I got excited thinking Ross was playing a character named Meat Jekyll before realizing it was just the title of the episode. An even bigger disappointment is not using Ross’ aforementioned ability to play sinister to be the Hannical Lector of the episode.

The crime lab reluctantly brings in imprisoned serial killer Nate Haskell after he claims to know the identity of "Dr. Jeckyll." Meanwhile, clues revealing his next and perhaps final victim are mailed to Dr. Langston.

Instead they gave that *sunglasses* MEATY role *yeah* to That Guy who was in Eight Men Out as one of the few players who didn’t get kicked out of baseball. Can’t trust a man who won’t take a gambler’s money in this reporter’s opinion.

Hall of Fame Ballot Submissions: Twelve Monkeys (maybe my favorite treatment of time travel as a concept and how you wouldn’t be able to change anything since it’s already happened in the future), Face/Off (I only watched about 20 minutes of this and shut it off but it’s such a famous goodbad movie that I included it, just couldn’t buy in to Nic Cage’s skin fitting around Travolta’s giant head), Oz (this post’s winner of the biggest “Oh shit, really?” work, he was one of the guards killed in the riot), American Psycho, The Aviator, Good Night and Good Luck, Big Love, Silicon Valley.

Big Love was a bit of a stretch here since by the last couple seasons I was outwardly hating it but Ross’ Alby Grant is probaby still the role I most associate him with when he pops up elsewhere due to how devastatingly creepy he was. Also I included Big Love for Bill Paxton so in the name of consistency it’s here again, plus this adds to Ross being the king of HBO.

The Aviator was another flick that HBO brought back into the rotation in the last few months that I hadn’t seen in forever and I’d forgotten he was in it. In a weird turn his character Odie is simply a competent airplane mechanic without any degenerate character tendencies, I’m sure it was his hardest role to pull off.

And what’s left to say about his turn in American Psycho, he’d know better than anyone that too much praise can be grating.

Miscellaneous Credits: New rule, if you play Johnny Cash in something, it gets mentioned here like with Lifetime’s Ring of Fire.

Suppose you’d have to ask someone else why this was made when Walk The Line had come out eight years earlier but hey, if they can keep rebooting Spider-Man this century than certainly the Man in Black should be celebrated as often as possible.

Highest Rated IMDb Entry: Goddamn right, the Silicon Valley episode Optimal Tip-To-Tip Efficiency that pulled the whole first season together and hinted at the heights it could reach. 9.4 stars, this episode fucks. I love this one sentence from the episode description:

The guys break out into a ridiculous argument

Yes they did, IMDb plot recapper, yes they did.

Lowest Rated IMDb Entry: I’m not about to go through every other post in this series to check but 5.4 for the worst (according to IMDb users) production one’s been in might be the new high water mark. Take a bow, A Deadly Vision. I’ll be keeping my eyes open to see if the Lifetime Movie Channel re-airs this.

A waitress who has psychic visions of murders before they happen is asked by a police detective to help find a serial killer.

Making this all the better? Matt Ross is indeed the killer and is billed simply as The Killer, just like with The Joker a menace can be more terrifying without any sort of tether to humanity. I’m now wondering to myself just how good Matt Ross could be as The Joker in something. Him and Ben Affleck are pretty much the same age so why not make him the Clown Prince of Evil for any standalone Batfleck film instead of Jared Leto’s ass. Just something to think about, Hollywood bigshots.

IMDb Fun Fact: Matt Ross is  6' 0½" tall.

I feel like I was pitching a perfect IMDb HOF post and then the Trivia section stepped to the plate and laid down a bunt that hugged the third base line of uninteresting tidbits of a great actor’s career. Shame.

IMDb HOF Members: Even though the ad wizards have decreed that only video is worthy of internet bandwidth it sure would be swell if the dear readers clicked back on any old posts they haven’t read yet and tell me how these used to be better before I became cynical and jaded beyond recognition.

Bob Balaban

Jim Beaver

Clancy Brown

W. Earl Brown

Reg E. Cathey

Gary Cole

Keith David

Cary Elwes

Noah Emmerich

Jami Gertz

John Hawkes

John Michael Higgins

Toby Huss

Allison Janney

John Carroll Lynch

Margo Martindale

David Morse

Joe Morton

Robert Patrick

Bill Paxton

Jon Polito

Alan Rickman

Stephen Root

Matt Ross

Alan Ruck

Peter Stormare

Daniel von Bargen

Next Time: Should I just do an actual Jami Gertz one? She’s been in there so long I can hardly remember what inspired the running gag in the first place.

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[eliotist]

Some Fiction

Before and After the War

Stevens approached the terminal with an unknowingly warranted air of concern, he was not to know the horrors that the project would loose upon the wider world; indeed at that point, as he would subsequently, ruefully recall, he had no other thought on his mind than how he would broach the issue of intercollegial relations with Dreyer. The dim lights, the sinister whirring of deep, supercomputational calculation was but the regular occurrence of the office space at this hour and this time, he was not to know Dreyer’s schemes, the side projects, which would soon come to a terrible fruition. Dreyer as a physical being seemed to channel the uncanny, one was aware of his presence, if sufficiently attuned, momentarily prior to his announcing of himself. Stevens looked to his left, the apparition, the visage in the glass panel could be no one other than Dreyer.

               “Dreyer, I thought I might find you here...” a wan smile fleetingly appeared on his lips as he turned to face his taciturn, brilliant colleague, to no verbal response. Stevens was momentarily disarmed, a look of distemper, or what could so closely approximate it in the context of so emotionally controlled, so emotionally atypical a being as Dreyer, seemed to be similarly progressing across the latter’s own face. Dreyer had come recommended by the best - it was why he was in Palo Alto, after all. Yet his having risen without trace niggled at Stevens, any intimation of easy humanity could well have allayed this trace of suspicion, for the little good that might have done. There was a part of Stevens that wished to initiate Dreyer into the ways of the corporation, its’ easy familiarities, its’ social fabric and yet Dreyer’s equanimity, coupled with, contrarily, the fierce eyes of the driven fanatic, precluded this, and resentment started to swell, in spite of his good intentions.

               “I’m surprised to find you here, Cal”, Dreyer remarked, coolly, “I thought DynaSys had a new product launch, I understand it’s piqued quite the interest in our clique...” Dreyer lingered, poised somewhere between the quizzical and the caustic on the last word. The terminology was that of identification, and yet, it had been couched in such a way as to hint at the outsider Stevens suspected Dreyer to be and the latter knew himself as.

               “Frankly, Dreyer’, Dreyer was known always as Dreyer, the forename seldom, if ever, escaped the thin lips, ‘Your efforts have been noticed, we’re surprised at your phenomenal work rate, and we’re Americans. My presence here is partly deputation, partly personal interest, we don’t want the new star quarterback cracking, or even to risk cracking...I’m extending an invitation, the jet has been assigned to us, it’s on the tarmac, we can be anywhere in the western US within a couple of hours...” Dreyer seemed both curiously unsurprised by this development, and also curiously unappreciative. It did, however, serve his purpose, facilitated progression, as it would turn out, in his own secret game; Stevens, it would transpire, had, that evening much to be rueful for...

Tomiko was perplexed by the Englishman genuflecting, alluding to his own private Merry Christmas, Mr Lawrence as well as her own actions; how she had allowed herself to drift into a sado-masochistic relationship with Grey, how they would both, obsessively, contemplate the forbidden colours. Perhaps her own role troubled her most of all, assuming the faintly boyish, Yonoiesque alter ego, the way in which her demure, feminine beauty was sublimated, any man might have desired her, attired in a fashion similar to most women, only Grey was excited by her form clad in the androgynous neutrality of a Japanese Army uniform and the abuse he encouraged her to visit upon his own body. Their love expressed itself via extreme forms of psychosexuality; Grey enjoyed the regimentation, his self-abnegation before her authority, the way in which he sensed the faint disgust and contempt behind her treatment of him, a strand to which he was more psychologically attuned.

Both became increasingly committed to their forms of self-expression, mired within its increasingly obsessional rituals, so possessed had Grey become by the historical experience of the Changi prisoners that he had secretly decided to embark on method-research. He had to experience the same level of torment, the starvation, the beatings, and, in co-opting Tomiko, with her own psychological imperatives, he had found someone to act as accomplice and perhaps also to exorcise this aspect of her country’s historical experience. Neither was entirely aware of quite how increasingly strange the relationship had become, they spent much time apart thinking of the other, but, on occasion, would come across each other in the formal garden, whereupon she would callously strike him and he would cower, both aware of the other’s heightened breathing in the warm summer air.

The final weeks found them engaged in their private races, Grey to finish his book before he became too weak and debilitated, his increasingly gaunt and sinewy body an imperfect vessel for his intentions, Tomiko, unwittingly, to attain a level of perfection in her casual cruelty that would see her bring about the near sex-death of Grey, which would be the crowning motif of his gesamthistorischekunstwerk and would ensure the reception of his book as a classic and his own ascension to literary fame as  a corollary. Neither could have played their self-appointed roles any better.

Hollister keenly felt the flight bank underneath him as it turned into the approach for Stansted, London was brilliantly lit out the porthole to his left, Nite Flights his aural accompaniment of choice...”Be my love we will be Gods on nite flights”...His cold blue eyes surveyed the city in the night, it impressed himself like nothing so much as Scott’s nightmare original San Angeles on his consciousness...Was London really just one of the great city states? His own provenance was immutably home counties, the wealthiest part of the Kingdom, as it still was...In the drizzle, however, it could be nothing over than some post-post-modern cityscape, Canary Wharf definable, even from this distance in this weather...The failing social democratic dream-nightmare of modern Europe from whence he returned shaped his perspective, “It’s all a fucking a nonsense” he murmured, as he turned and inadvertently made eye contact with the Chinese next to him.

I had felt my life dissolve amid the burgeoning uncertainties of the present age, where previous generations could look back upon seemingly eternal verities, values, truths immured within the ages prior to the stem cell or the colossal technological advances that had made the transcendence beyond man, the leap toward some techo-Nietzschean nightmare scape a real possibility, we were left, I was left with an existence of uncertain prospects...What would Dreyer’s gamble create in its apotheosis? Was it not possible that, in a sense, Einstein would prove terrifyingly wrong, not only did God play dice with the universe, but there were those among us intent on arrogating to themselves the prerogatives of the creator? In this threatening paradigm had we, as a society, created Dreyer in our own image, or was he going to create - or recreate - us in his? The iron corporations had played their allotted roles, fallen into line with the intentions of the aspirant God; scarcely a day passed without some seemingly innocuous news story, their common theme Dreyer’s consorting with the tribunes of great republics, constitutional monarchies, and most importantly eastern autocracies, a key note speech here, a faintly unsettling, ostensibly relaxed performance on a popular magazine show there...He’d palpably changed, evolved from the altogether more reticent figure I had first known him as - though not entirely, the eyes remained, exhibiting the fixity of the fanatic they had always possessed. He was the first zealot of his own revolution, a revolution without need of winter palaces or the fickle, engaged mob. Was his the first post-political revolution, popular apathy and the amenable appurtenances of the former democracies easing the path for his chosen medium, a technological revolution so advanced that those of us unschooled in its essence could only but aliken it to magic...? The glare of the HD monitors impressed themselves upon my bleary eyes, the myriad of disparate images intimated, however chaotically, a secret narrative, tensions, crimes, even the more innocuous of the popular entertainments betrayed key elements of the new order...I focused on one of the images in particular, Dreyer, smiling wryly, looking coolly relaxed against a tropical locale, I wondered whether I had become the first to alight upon the signature image of the new age, disconcerted I drained my tumbler, the whiskey harshly warming my throat and sinuses as my blood ran cold...

Who knew what dark imperatives compelled her, the nearest she herself could come to an answer was capriciousness, driven by a near hysterical fear of ennui. The street, as viewed from the rooftop, served as a living canvass, sufficiently near as to allow her to observe the naturalistic movement of its characters, sufficiently removed as to dislocate that movement, that reality, as though she were observing it from a different degree, a separate plain of existence. She could hear an insistent violin riff intrude into her thoughts, something Reichian...They seemed so small, truly Lilliputian, their concerns too...Half the city might be torn from its place in space time, she wasn’t even sure such an event would register, they had their lives, their constituent parts in existence, rising like shadows to meet them, or to leave them, depending on the time of day. She scratched at her wrist and the blackly symbolic tattoo on it, glancing at the long faded scars, registering them she became wryly cognisant of how her masochistic impulses had altered their forms of expression...Happiness was a puzzle...The ineffable complexity of the nature of things, as she observed them, presented an increasingly - or so it seemed - insuperable barrier...She surveyed the dots moving below her again...”The hand that felled the city” she murmured...Her thoughts returned to the events of the past few weeks, dwelling on her recent crisis just as the sun dipped below the horizon and the previously temperate eve cooled perceptibly...Man cannot be overcome with such imperfect tools...The very fact of our physicality hobbles our attempts at, our pretences to rationality...If only she could devise a method of mathematical altruism as a guard against an excess of human impulse...The beach holiday, today’s massacre on the news, the latest currency fluctuations crowded in on her thought processes...It would never do, certitude was absent, abnegated? Her father’s solaces, Groby, Crouchback’s, the modern style...She took her pill, like Alice she too needed to be regulated, neither too large, nor too small, neither too neurotic, nor too unstable, and if the world should descend into greater instability? She tired of the questions, the stray thoughts, the insistent violin blaring in her head, the street, the people, oh God, the people, the deleterious impact of recent events...Why did she have to be so different...? She could do nothing save adhere to her heretical impulses, the banalities of conventional discourses and interactions were as wormwood to her...She tired of the “mornings”, of the grim necessity of smiling, the energy she wasted in pretending to care about her boss’s family, her co-workers’ dismayingly conventional enthusiasms...The whole was a sociological water torture, each fresh interaction uniform in its stultification, its nullification...and here she was, alone, so high...in two senses, now...She turned her back to the street below, looked across at the low wall opposite her and started to run...

That Major Ross should’ve found his field office wedged into the claustrophobic confines of the ossuary was no surprise, the dictates of the conflict’s seemingly imminent end, as well as the requirements of administration, or at least what administration, howsoever under-resourced, could be provided by the logistic corps, required a gesture in the direction of order. The threat of exhaustion loomed, days had been spent in the interminable task of bringing some modicum of relief to the erstwhile inmates, now temporary residents of the death camp. He had been most disturbed to see Lawrence poking around, directing a far better resourced scientific recovery effort. The steely, quizzical ash-blonde doctor was both one of the most interesting women he had ever met and the most sinister. Her presence here, in that capacity begged unsettling questions, questions he knew well enough not to even intimate he might ask, never mind articulate.  

“I find, I travel these days’, Hollister spoke haltingly, demurring prior to each expostulation, ‘I feel, immured in some disconnected post-modernist semblance...’ the lips pursed momentarily, the eyes narrowed, ‘I’m aware of the processes, the rituals of travel...And you see the people, the airport people, they’re, we’re, rather, all much of a muchness - in the sense that we spend our lives attired in the garb of the travel class, we interact with our devices under stripped lighting, flitting from meeting to meeting, all prepared for the act of seating ourselves in a metal tube, wings and engines attached, and flinging ourselves at some speed off the face of the earth. Our destination matters not, but I am, at least, in that moment of thrust aware of our common kinship’, he ceased the nervous tapping he had been doing all through his monologue, smiled wryly and passed his fingers through his thinning hair. ‘The odds, I’m most keenly aware of the odds, racking up...Increasingly I find myself subject to my private obsessions, I meditate upon the inadequacy of the public sphere, with its polite fictions,’ he grimaced, ‘only to realise that I couldn’t be any less in sympathy with accepted conduct, good manners, the risible humanist consensus...I think of the society I would be comfortable with, mass deportations, public hangings, legalised prostitution, liberal drugs laws, euthanasia encouraged as a matter of course, high street travel chains dealing explicitly in sex tourism – perhaps with adverts on ITV - none of the presumed guilt, or having to feign it, when glorying in the beneficent hand of a reasonably high social status in this jungle we inhabit...Mine is not the morality of Baroness Helena Kennedy, or Sharmi Chakrabarti, say...Only via this cruel and, in its way, liberal path can I see any possibility of our being redeemed...I’m not sure I say this as one of the airport people, or a Briton, or anyone speaking from a quaintly nationalist conceit...I look upon the mass deportations as acts of charity, giving to those less fortunate the chance of air travel, the foreign climes...None of the moral imperialism for me, Syria for the Syrians, I shrug my shoulders and I move along, tuppence on income tax in this economy seems pricey for the accustomed fireworks display, the collateral casualties, the excess of dead children...Why not a balanced budget and fewer dead children? Admittedly the rapes and other abuses will still occur, but can’t we be realists about the whole thing?”

Clare Petacci, conscious of her moniker’s status as an anglicised inflective allusion, ran the numbers, as it were. There was a distinct possibility that her friend, that troubled woman with the tattoos, the scars and the Obsidian black sense of humour, could fall prey to the nascent sickness, the entry into a fugue state - which usually betrayed the sufferer’s internal psychological conflicts via the logic of their dreams now externalised - prior to lapsing into a catatonic state with pronounced catalepsy and thence death. Eva, meanwhile, had drifted to sleep to the strains of Khachaturian, her half finished scotch on the table beside the sofa, a look of unaccustomed benignity upon her usually strained face.

“You mean to say that Khan is instrumental in conceptualising the Manhattan Project of biological warfare?”

“To understand the man we must have recourse to his dreams, they are populated with a myriad of potential Patients Zero, paraded out against a backdrop that can best be considered a painting of Dali’s, based on an etching of Nuremberg. Khan’s nightmarescapes are the logical expression of his dark biochemical romance, the arrival of each fresh gene sequence to his facility is regarded in the same way that you or I might receive a lover. Merely because his bunker has the decor of a state of the art medical facility should not cause us to forget that it is a bunker nonetheless...”, Tremain demurred.

“But what is to be done!?”

“Rather Leninist of you - what can be done? The international scene seems unripe for action, perhaps it may be said of his government that it is playing the diplomatic environment as ably, as well as Piedmont-Sardinia did in the nineteenth century, which is unfortunate, given the likely consequences.’ he grimaced, ‘Risk aversion may well be its and his greatest ally, the global economy remains weak, and even a full-scale invasion, as unlikely as that may be, would be unlikely to achieve the essential desired end.”

“Your fatalism is appalling!” – Hampton flared, angrily.

“That may be, but it has also the virtues of realism, even if, in the likely future, that is of no comfort. The likelihood is that, at some point, sooner rather than later, some re-engineered, sequenced bug will come from Africa for you and me, it depends merely on how the regime racially grades its external enemies, we spoke once, his outlook is not that of The Guardian’s. What’s the alternative, a mutually assured infection, an almost literal cold war, in the sense of re-engineering that virus and making it lethal, deterrence predicated on the pox, or Ebola? I understand the logic, but the humanists, they’d never allow it, the psychic blow it would occasion to their weltanschauung simply renders it unimaginable...”

The sun bleached the ground as Tremain stood beside the runway on the abandoned airfield. The Blackhawk kicked up a cloud of dust as it landed off to his left, the final troop of hired special forces mercenaries quickly exiting its sides. In the distance off to the right Tremain could see the aged superstructure of the abandoned factory, below was Khan’s laboratory. He contemplated standing on the edge of the psychic event horizon, the viruses Khan had designed there, things of exquisite lethality, had killed billions. As the dust from the helicopter, picked up on the wind, drifted into his face he thought of the mindset that had destroyed a world, Khan’s work was not that of a materialist, he wryly mused. A blinding pulse of light, Tremain quickly closed his eyes and slapped both hands over his face, seeing the bones of his hands made visible as he turned. Nuclear retaliation on the cities to the north and west, he intuitively knew, even prior to becoming conscious of the mushroom meme, or memes, rather.

               “Sir, we have total air superiority and the best part of a battalion on the ground, with firepower to match’, bellowed a private security colonel over the organised chaos of the deploying combat group. ‘A section will be assigned to your personal protection, we’ve already secured the facility and the rest of the assessment team await your arrival for the debrief.”

Tremain repositioned his panama, cocked his head to the left, hooded his eyes and, grinning deathly, breathed in sharply, shouting in turn to the colonel he proclaimed: “Lead on! I want to be comfortably back aboard America by nightfall!”  

[allspark]

It’s time for our weekly Diamond Comics Shipping List! Check out some great titles IDW has in store for us next week like Transformers, Transformers/Ghostbusters, The Crow, Disney Afternoon, My Little Pony, and more! All coming your way for June 26th!

TRANSFORMERS #8

Brian Ruckley (A) Cachet Whitman, Bethany McGuire-Smith (CVR A) Anna Malkova (CVR B) Casey Coller

As Megatron seeks to bring about change to Cybertron, he meets with Termagax, a living piece of Cybertronian history and founder of the Ascenticon movement. Will she set him on the path to peace, or lead him to an unrepairable rupture with the Senate?

•   A bold new era! •   Transformers-now shipping twice-monthly! •   All your favorite Transformers characters as you’ve never seen them before!

TRANSFORMERS/GHOSTBUSTERS #1

Erik Burnham (A/CVR A) Dan Schoening

“GHOSTS OF CYBERTRON” PART 1! After years of civil war, the Autobots fled Cyberton, leaving their home planet in the evil clutches of Megatron and his Decepticons. Years later and millions of miles away, the Autobots pick up a Cybertronian distress signal from a mysterious planet called Earth. The ghostly signal shouldn’t exist, and it’ll bring Optimus Prime and his team-including brand-new Autobot ECTOTRON-face-to-face with… the GHOSTBUSTERS!

•   Crossing the streams after 35 years! •   Written and illustrated by the long-time fan-favorite Ghostbusters creative team of Erik Burnham, Dan Schoening, and Luis Antonio Delgado! •   Five action-packed interconnecting covers from series artist Dan Schoening! •   The series will also include covers from superstar artists like Nick Roche, Alex Milne, Paulina Ganucheau, Priscilla Tramontano, and more!

CANTO #1

Greg Preslicka, Heidi Preslicka

Canto’s adventure begins! Enslaved for generations, Canto’s people once had hearts. Now they have clocks. When slavers damage a little tin girl’s clock beyond repair, Canto must brave his strange and fantastic world to bring back her heart. Can he overcome the dangers that await to save the one he loves?

•   An all-ages fable inspired by Wizard of Oz and Dante’s Inferno! •   Part fantasy. Part adventure. All heart.

THE CROW HACK/SLASH #1

Tim Seeley (A) Jim Terry (A/CVR A) Tim Seeley

The crow flies. A soul is brought back. But something is wrong.

Angeles Cero won’t stop killing on her quest for revenge, and the bodies are piling up. Now, slasher hunter Cassie Hack and her monstrous partner Vlad are on the trail of the Crow Killer, assuming her to be one of the masked murderers they’ve hunted for years.

But they aren’t the only force trying to make the universe right again.

•   From writer/artist, Tim Seeley (Green Lanterns, Nightwing, Shatterstar). •   Featuring an all-new Crow unlike any you’ve read before!!

DESCENDANTS GN VOL 01 TWISTED FIELD TRIP

Carin Davis, Delilah Dawson (A) Egle Bartolini (A/CVR) Anna Cattish

Advance solicited for May release! After their second film, the children of classic Disney characters like Maleficent, Belle and The Beast, and the Evil Queen take on an all-new adventure from Auradon! Evie, Mal, Ben and friends begin taking classes in Sherwood Forest with other Auradon Prep students. In the forest, they discover that some of the skills they learned on the Isle of the Lost will come in handy, but the other students have talents of their own to match. And when they’re split into pairs, they’ll be reminded that teamwork is the key to success… AND survival!

Descendants and Descendants 2 are two of the most watched Disney Channel original movies of all time!

DIABOLICAL SUMMER HC

Thierry Smolderen (A/CVR) Alexandre Clerisse

A groovy spy thriller and coming-of-age tale set in the Go-Go days of the 1960s, done in a chic, retro style sure to charm readers. For 15-year old Antoine, the summer of 1967 will prove to be an unforgettable one full of new discoveries: a secret agent from nowhere, a mysterious troubled girl, and the disappearance of his father-all happening within two days! These events and more conspire to turn his life upside down and into something he could never have imagined.

•   Advance solicited for April release! •   The Atomic Empire creators turn their vintage-inspired style to the spy-thriller genre, recalling a time when James Bond was the biggest action-hero in the world.

DICK TRACY FOREVER #3

Michael Avon Oeming (A/CVR A) Michael Avon Oeming

Dick Tracy is Sisyphus, pushing the law boulder up the hill as he struggles for reason and order in a world with none. His attempts at law and order are met with crime and chaos in the form of unpredictable and absurd villains. But Dick Tracy will never give up trying, no matter the era or incarnation. Join Eisner Award-winning creator Michael Avon Oeming on a startling case through time and space!

•   From the mind of Eisner Award winner Michael Avon Oeming, co-creator of Powers! •   Each issue has an exciting new take on one of the most iconic comic-strip heroes of all time!

DISNEY AFTERNOON GIANT #5

Ian Brill (A) Leonel Castellani, James Silvani, Ricardo Garcia (CVR) Magic Eye Studios

The return of Darkwing Duck begins this issue with chapter one of “The Duck Knight Returns”! Where did Darkwing Duck go, and what crisis has sparked his sudden reappearance? Find out in this issue! Then, Chip ‘n’ Dale and the Rescue Rangers are back for another thrilling adventure in “Stranger Danger”!

EVE STRANGER #2

David Barnett (A/CVR) Philip Bond

Eve Stranger can do anything thanks to the nanotech that she has to inject every week to stay alive… anything except remember who she is or where she’s been. Her talents sold by the shadowy E.V.E. Project to the highest bidder, Eve’s latest mission takes her to history-drenched Prague to face a monster who must be stopped. High-octane adventure, weird science, and doomed romance meet the jet-set in “Retrograde”!

GHOST TREE #1 3RD PTG

Bobby Curnow (A/CVR) Simon Gane

GHOST TREE #2 2ND PTG

Bobby Curnow (A/CVR) Simon Gane

GHOST TREE #3

Bobby Curnow (A/CVR A) Simon Gane

A sinister force grows in strength as Brandt discovers more secrets about his past and his family’s connection to the Ghost Tree. Will Brandt be able to discover his true purpose in Japan in time to save himself?

A touching drama with a hint of horror!

GLOW #3

Tini Howard (A/CVR A) Hannah Templer

Based on the hit Netflix show! The Gorgeous Ladies of Wrestling quickly realize that there’s no way they’re going to be able to beat these real, muscle-y professional wrestlers! With morale low, Ruth has to come up with a new plan, and she’s going to make sure they win-even if they have to lose!

MARILYN MANOR #1

Magdalene Visaggio (A/CVR A) Marley Zarcone

Where were you in ’81? When the White House goes dark for 17 days in August, the president’s spoiled daughter and her best friend Abe-who claims to be possessed by the spirit of Abe Lincoln-throw a rager at 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue, unearthing long dead historical figures and government secrets that are better off buried. Sex, drugs, rock ‘n’ roll séances, and secret passageways lead to time-bending mystical romps where past and present collide. But at what cost to Marilyn Kelleher, the world at large, and music television?

Uniting the red-hot Eisner-nominated talents of writer Magdalene Visaggio (Eternity Girl, Kim and Kim) and artist Marley Zarcone (Shade, the Changing Girl, Effigy) for the first time, MARILYN MANOR explores identity, classism, appropriation, and friendship. It’s a rollicking, neon party gone out of bounds when we need it most-set just in time for the greatest pop cultural marriage to date: MTV.

“We’ve been trying to capture the feel, the excitement, the energy of the rise of the New Romantics, of the decade that embraced excess and excitement in hugely over-the-top ways, and filled it with chaos and insanity. This is the weirdest thing I’ve ever written in the best way possible, like an apocalypse directed by John Hughes.”

MY LITTLE PONY SPIRIT OF THE FOREST #2

Ted Anderson (A/CVR A) Brenda Hickey (CVR B) Tony Fleecs

Strange things are happening in the woods around Ponyville! When ponies start seeing weird shapes, hearing unknown sounds, and losing the tools they need to work, all signs point to a mysterious monster! But it couldn’t actually be the Spirit of the Forest-right?!

PUNKS NOT DEAD: LONDON CALLING #5

David Barnett (A/CVR A) Martin Simmonds

It’s the moment the whole story has been building to… Fergie comes face-to-face with Billy, the dad he’s never met. Or should that be Beleth, banished prince of hell? But before that, have Sid and Fergie actually found a way to stop being stuck together? And finally, Dorothy and Asif return to London with Natalie in tow for a battle royale unlike any other. Don’t miss “To the Underworld,” the smashing conclusion to our sophomore arc!

“…razor-sharp dialogue, black humour … dripping in punk rock…” –Tripwire

“…a riot of technicolour and tentacles…extraordinary…” –Hero Collector

ROAD OF BONES #1 2ND PTG

Rich Douek (A/CVR) Alex Cormack

ROAD OF BONES #2

Rich Douek (A/CVR A) Alex Cormack

After weeks battling the cold, freezing tundra and a dwindling food supply, tension runs high between Roman, Sergei, and Grigori as they flee the horrors of the Kolyma Gulag. Their one hope is reaching a hunting lodge in the mountains where they can replenish their supplies-but the rocky path grows more treacherous with every step. Even so, Roman has yet to discover the true meaning of treachery-until he learns what Grigori and Sergei’s true plan for survival is. The dark tale of survival at any cost in the Siberian wilderness continues in ROAD OF BONES #2 from writer Rich Douek (GUTTER MAGIC) and artist Alex Cormack (SINK).

Survival drama at its finest!

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IDW Comics Shipping List for June 26th! It’s time for our weekly Diamond Comics Shipping List! Check out some great titles IDW has in store for us next week like…

[jaxxonpollux]

“why do i always pick people that don’t want to be with me?”

this is completely cliche. i know it, probably everybody knows it. it’s something you’d hear on an episode of Degrassi, or maybe occasionally on Full House. poor Uncle Joey, let’s give him a throwaway line to say to, i don’t know, Bob Saget or twin baby Michelle so that they can monologue something heartfelt over our staple sentimental TV show score. that’s like, our thing. or, let’s have this teenager guy say this to his lady bff so she has a reason to look sad and throw herself at him. something that would never happen irl except under desperate circumstances.

and i know why i said it too. not because i truly felt it, in all honesty. i mean, i did felt some semblance of rejection from a variety of people i had spoken to or heard from or looked at in the past 24 hours, but the notion that i’m so pitiful that i’m just “picking the wrong people” and wearing blinders is kind of a a joke. i can just as readily give up on somebody as i can be obsessed with them. it’s some ugly cosmic power i have. i always allude to my vague sense of pride, and that’s a part of it, a refusal to be desperate. i’d rather be alone forever than be desperate! you don’t say things like this because you mean them.

it’s intentionally pitiful. manipulative. again, not a word that i like to wear, but it fits nice and snug around the ol’ waist. and i tap into it even during the smallest interactions. i don’t know why it’s a part of me. maybe it’s the way i was raised, maybe miasma is really a thing, and i’m just converting all of my dad’s alcoholic guilt-trip energy into something equally ugly and not yet as sinister. sometimes a conversation is like an experiment. sometimes you just say things because you wonder about the response, not to get things off your chest.

i said it and she paused for a second, and then said “i’m sorry.” like she was complicit in the crime, a #metoo with an entirely different meaning. an admission that she never wanted to be with me either. which, like, doesn’t really bother me at this point, but it’s interesting to hear people react that way. not a supportive “aw shucks pal, you’ve got the right person for you just around the corner! and besides, i love you tons, c’mere you big pile of marshmallow!”

or maybe she could just smell the manipulation. i do that too, like, when homeless people go on a tangent to explain how much of a christian they are before they ask for money. i met one guy who crossed his chest, pointed at the sky, and made a cross with his fingers all within the span of 5 seconds. it kind of made me feel like a vampire or something. anyway, when you smell a manipulation tactic, the first instinct is always repulsion, and it’s usually the one you go with. maybe that’s why she said what she said the way she said it, a casual brush away. not playing that game. it makes the whole probe kind of a dud, but that happens with probes, doesn’t it?

it’s peculiar, treating conversations like experiments. trying on personalities and characters like masks. you can’t really do that without some kind of cost. it ruins your image, to the people you don’t want to be ruining your image for. you can’t have any fun anymore! as i recently said to someone else i know. there’s no rehearsal when it comes to this kind of stuff. no rewind. you just say it and let yourself be destroyed. for science, i guess.

---

anywho, i think i’m becoming more comfortable with being an awful person. like, just letting the floodgates loose. i had a girlfriend when i was 14 who was very catty and loved to gossip, one day she said she was gonna try not to do that anymore, it made her feel bad. i begrudgingly went along. i think it destroyed the magic. and anyway it didn’t last very long, people can’t really make choices like that for themselves. i mean, maybe some people can. i don’t really know. but i’m just accepting some of those evils now and letting them boil on the stovetop. all the things i try to hide or not be. all the things i don’t want people to see when they look at me. i suppose it’s a victory for “being yourself,” isn’t it? isn’t that the ideal everyone tries to reach? or is that just another piece of teenage tv melodrama advice that doesn’t really mean anything? i saw a clip from the new spider man movies, spider man was like “you’re right, i should just be myself,” and his fat friend was like “c’mon peter, nobody wants that.” he might be right, and maybe a lot of people aren’t themselves because they know they suck.

i still feel like i don’t know who myself is. there are some people out there that spend every waking moment worrying about what other people think about them, about trying to put their best face on every day, trying to be a really good person, under the assumption that it will also make them feel good. be kind, love, and be loved. constantly wondering what the best thing to say is, and constantly drawing a blank. people like me! i feel like half the time i hear somebody i don’t have any reaction inside. it’s not that i have secret hateful thoughts that i bottle up or anything. i just have like, a lot of undeveloped land in there, somehow. i could run a kid over on his bike and shrug it off. i could be having sex with a beautiful woman and not feel a hint of arousal. my mind goes blank a lot.

or maybe i just have a lot of cellophane over certain parts of myself. does that make sense? i haven’t had the experience that required me to unpack that box there in the back. i’m sure if i actually ran over a kid, went to court, had to face their sobbing parents, got slapped around by some interrogating police officer, spent time stewing in a jail cell, my heart would be bleeding with guilt and regret. i just haven’t gotten a chance to make that mistake yet and unlock that part of myself.

or maybe when i’m faced with things that i ought to care about, a big shield pops up, a wave of protection, and everything goes blank. a sort of dissociation, which i really hate in other people when i want to know them, but maybe it’s something that i have too. like a wall of fear that doesn’t let anything in or out. it’s paralyzing, being put in a situation, and not knowing what you would do in that situation. your head doesn’t let you know the next step, so you wait there, dumb and sweating. it’s only until directly after that everything comes flowing through, kind of like that “oh, THIS is what i should have said, this is what i should have done” feeling that is so incredibly common in everybody.

or maybe i’ve just locked the front door, but the back door is still wide open. and things only get to me through specific channels, ones that i wouldn’t normally count on but are tried and true. i don’t know what i’m doing in a bed with someone, but i come alive naked in front of a webcam. i’m a wallflower at parties, unless i get a specific concoction of drugs and drinks in me that pulls everything out, wit charm guts and all. i can’t talk for shit, but i can write up a real enthralling tale. who knows what’s going on in there?

---

i feel like i’ve been trying to get to know this girl through the back door, the front door is locked. like, talking to her, when she makes herself available (scarcely), doesn’t bring me any closer to knowing her. KNOWING her, whatever the hell that means. so instead i’ve been digging around in everything she tells me she ever liked, movies she watched, books she read, things that had a profound effect on her. trying to put together machine parts and figuring out what potions were sloshed together to make her. it’s a backwards way of trying to get to know someone.

i want to get to know people by living with them. i feel like it’s the purest way, learning a person’s diet and mannerisms and how often they do the dishes. it says a lot about how someone feels inside, i think, the time they wake up for work, or the food they have for lunch. every person i’ve ever met, i wish i had gotten to live with them for a while. i want those nitty gritty details, i thrive off of them. sometimes i even want to become people for a while, like some psychotic twist on method acting. 

actually, that’s probably not true. i tried to think of why i would want to be somebody else and it’s just exhausting. and i think i only want to understand other people so i can shape myself to be the best for them, again that kind of manipulative “i’m trying my best to be perfect for you” desire. the problem is, i’m never going to figure anyone out, and even if i did, i don’t think i have the proper judgment to decide what would be best for them either. i need to figure out a better way to interact with people, clearly. letting people just be themselves and not thinking about it drives me nuts sometimes, but it’s obviously the best. i just don’t want to be one of those Men that goes through life steam rolling everyone else under whatever my personality ends up being, just being unabashedly unashamedly “myself.” that kind of person gets on my nerves too. i get the feeling some people really love that kind of person, but oh here i go again trying to decide on “kinds of people” like i’m trying on shoes.

it’s honestly a mess. maybe i’ll grow out of it. like maybe i’ll have a kid and the only person i’m allowed to be is a good dad, for the rest of my life. there’s some comfort in that, knowing who you gotta be and just committing to it. right now, i could still be anybody. i don’t know if i’m a baker or a writer. i don’t know if i’m an artist or a mindless consumer. i don’t know if i’m a bad boyfriend, a libertarian, a genderfluid fruit basket, or just a total sack of shit. and that really bothers me. i mean, obviously.