#if you dont have the mental space for a friend venting then you can ask them to hold on for five minutes

[sandinmybed]

that post about venting to your friends and people coming up with a million and one excuses that they never want to help their friends through their problems is making me mad and its hard to articulate why without sounding like a dick but it basically boils down to "anything that makes me even slightly uncomfortable is banned" mentality and i just think some of these people need to buck the fuck up and recognise that momentary discomfort or awkwardness will not kill you or traumatise you.

[our-genderfluid-experience]

im in the closet and so is my bi bff. im genderfluid/pan and sometimes we joke about coming out to our parents (mostly me) but doubt itll ever happen due to how religious it would be (sometimes i dream about it tho... maybe more than her idk) and hypothetically just think about cutting everyone off and flying out to avoid the backlash (just being silly) and the "interventions" of spiels of how gays go to hell and God wouldnt like That (i am still a christian... somewhat i think and its not uncommon in the spaces ive been to have gay/trans people in the church spaces something about Anglican churches etc, in my country. i just dont have the same exact beliefs as my parents)

sometimes i lie awake about the implications of coming out, the worst case scenario, how id probably no one to tell my achievements anymore, no one to be happy for me the way they had, no one to comfort me or be there when i get married etc. and i joked about how id just get up and leave and fuckall if i die alone to my friend even tho it fills me with loneliness and sadness ;w; anyway um she suddenly took one of my jokes seriously one night and say to me that she'll probably never come out because she loves her parents too much and i just idk. felt hurt. did she think i didnt love them either? i think she didnt mean it that way and i cleared it out that i was just joking about my plans bcuz idk if i want to do it actually (tho i feel like its an inevitable canon plot point with every trans ppl atp) but i just think about it sometimes. i love them but yk. i want to live.

maybe i wont actually cut them off as they try to process that but idk.

i dont think they'll like hurt me or anything but mentally and emotionally probably yes even if they probably mean well. i dont think i want to be in the closet forever?? idk im just sad about what she said ngl. and my future.

sorry just had to vent

i just dont think she gets how painful itd be to me. my parents and their extended family are Baptists. she has mostly catholic relatives (which in my experience from school and friends and gay teachers etc is more accepting ngl) and her dad is pretty accepting, having a brother who is gay and stuff. i dont wanna do a suffering olympics here but the more i think about forever in the closet the more i wanna puke lol

I have a religious family (Catholic), and I'm still religious as well. You wanting to come out to your family is not selfish or "proving you don't love them" in any way. You are who you are and you can't change that. You don't always have to rely on your family to get those feelings of achievement, love, happiness. You can make some friends who will basically become a second family, and they will be there to be happy for you and support you.

Catholics may be a bit more supportive than Baptists (idk I haven't met anyone who's Baptist), but they aren't super supportive (maybe that's just my family idk), but my family probably isn't the best example.

Anyway, you won't be stuck in the closet forever. Once you get old enough to move out, you aren't under your parents' rules anymore. If you ever need to vent some more, you can send me a message or an ask 💖

[system-of-a-feather]

alright hear me out abt the fight/flight/fawn/freeze thing. i am unsure where i even fall in the given options since my coping mechanisms vary wildly from situation to situation, but i have similar problems in understanding foreign mentalities because, personally, i just have a good cry, yell to a friend, and by then ive already forgotten why i was so mad in the first place. 20 minutes process at most. yippee.

anyway. one interesting thing ive found is that people who dwell like that, and wait it out, dont tend to WANT to fix the problem, right away? like if theyre inclined to wait it out, they Will and if they come to you they usually just want to be upset for a while until it passes?

i wouldnt know because i have one friend who behaves like that and who consistently vents to me so my sample size is! absolutely laughable. because people tend to be a case by case basis.

like uhh. ok. so ive always had this issue understanding and sympathizing with people who DWELL, basically? who stew in their upsetness soup but do nothing to get out, its like they Want to feel bad and they lash out when i do whatever i can to get them out. ive realized this is because im not the right person to go to about that! i am not going to get it! but theres one thing i Did learn, tho.

most of the time its just good to just ask what an individual person needs, and adhere to that, but when you really dont get it at all, just redirect them to anything better because in my experience trying to help someone you subconsciously judge is. nigh impossible. in my experience, at least.

oh that got really long and off topic. i dont quite remember what the original was.

oops. well basically i dont get it either but i think its ok not to, cause that kinda thing is really hard to conceptualize unless you actually feel it on your skin and bones, and ive found that giving these people space usually IS the best outcome to be honest???

i dont know, i think i got out of hand there. sorry! bye now! hope this is coherent in any way lmao.

Aye no I love it thank you XD Its good input and food for thought

[the1975attheirverybest]

Hi! How are you doing today?

I’ve had such a hard time lately because I betrayed my best friend on the weekend. I could’ve never in my life imagined I’d do something like that to a person I love a lot. I was drunk when it happened, and I’m not blaming my drunk state for my actions, but I have decided to not drink for a while because I don’t want to hurt my loved ones. Apparently drinking makes me a terrible person.

They were having a rough time because of something they’d done a couple weeks earlier (not to me) and I’d been there trying to be supportive and help them get better. I don’t believe in revenge but I don’t know maybe in my drunk state I thought they deserved it??? I have no clue and I’m so fucking disappointed in myself for my disrespectful and thoughtless actions.

I just wish I could earn their trust’s back. I’m sorry for venting but I don’t really know who to talk about this since we share the same friends and I’m afraid they’re gonna hate me for what I did. Biggest mistake of my life.

Hiiii baby 🩷

First of all, never apologize for venting on here. You are more than welcome to do so any time you want.

Second, sending you lots of love and hugs 🫂

Look, I get it. I’m not gonna lie to you and tell you that you shouldn’t feel bad. I do t know what happened, but going off of what you said, it sounds like a significant enough situation, so feeling shitty is the right and healthy reaction.

But here’s the thing about guilt: it shouldn’t lead to self loathing. It should lead to accountability. Your ACTION was shitty, YOU weren’t shitty. Do you see what I mean?

Taking accountability looks different in different situations. Sometimes it means apologizing right away and making up for/ returning whatever you did or took. Sometimes it means giving your friend space to process first and THEN apologizing after a bit of time has passed for both of you to reflect on what happened.

Trust won’t be gained back instantly nor does forgiveness imply trust. That’s something that you’d have to earn back. By consistently showing that you are indeed sorry and that you did learn from you mistake and adjusted accordingly. Ultimately, it’s in your friends hands to decide whether they want to trust you again or not. And that’s the hard part. When you do everything you can to fix things and it still doesn’t work out. So, I’d say forgive yourself FIRST. Because you ask for forgiveness from them. So that you are able to learn and move on. Regardless of what your friend decides.

Don’t let your guilt turn into shame. People make mistakes. That’s just a fact of life. What distinguishes a good person from a bad person is how they handle the aftermath.

Give yourself time to feel shitty and process everything. But then get back up and decide how you want to move forward. Dont get stuck in this first stage for too long. It wouldn’t be healthy for your mental health nor would it be productive in making things right.

And come back on here in a couple of days and let me know that you’re doing better, ok? 🫂🫂🫂🩷🩷🥰

[hailieshapedbox]

my younger cousin has a lot of mental health issues and its really affecting everyone in the house n we dont know how to help him help himself/: its a bit tormenting on everyone. ive tried to help a lot but i had to stop bc it was affecting my mental health and he started be really mean, now i see why everyone has to minimize how much they can help and be around. i just gotta vent real quick though bc i cant take this sometimes. my uncle missed his psych appointment with his main dr. twice and had me reschedule it bc his assistants that fuck everything up, had it all fucked up. i made my uncle buy a whiteboard to keep track of all his shit bc i have enough projects for myself, i texted him multiple times throughout the week about the appointment and helped with other reminders on top of other things for his business (and his friends jewelry start up). i texted him the day before and the day before that about the appointment, i put a post it note on the coffee maker that his friend just let fall aside and got coffee all over (but still it was right on the counter), and he still woke me up to ask me what time it was at and even had the nerve to tell me to get ready in an hour to “help get him going and get him over there”. bruh i went back to sleep, i was up for 2 hours tryna sleep laying there like a dead fish or whatever they say n barely got a couple hours. ive told him so many times ive been dealing with insomnia and he just thinks everyone has trouble sleeping and doesnt understand n ive told him im underweight and how i have no energy and its like nobody ever hears me when i ask for help. hes woken me up probably 10x now n i started hurting myself tbh bc my peace was being too intruded. i got handle and control of that though, i dont wanna hurt myself you know. but only coping method that ever helped. whatever when i got up i did knock on my cousins door n ask if he heard his dad and i texted him bc he didnt say anything. i went to go work out. when my uncle got home he saw me working out and tried to get me to go with and ik its only bc he wants me to sit in the office so he can nap in the car. i even made a joke about it and he agreed laughing and went to go take a nap. instead of going to tmobile to get this kid a new sim card that hes been needing and begging for for going on two months. lmao bruh i try

this was just one morning i could write books of diary entries accumulating my emotions but i dont have time for that tbh im procrastinating n finally writing out bc i just want this week to be over i want it to be monday i want it to be next month when my brothers getting here and my mom comes over and imma make ed come back in town.

idk if yall noticed but until valentines day, i hadnt posted anything the entire month of february. took this long being single to realize valentines day is my favorite holiday and i couldnt missy opportunity to share my heart. i even posted on iG for the first time in like a year. i love love, its all i am, its all i need.

ive had so many post ideas too, but everyone is asking so much of me. its crazy because a few months ago i fucking begged the universe for more responsibility and god damn did i get it, im really trying hard to manage and stay aligned any way i can. im getting close to getting really good. im tryna get there so soon bc i see it through so clear but i just cant. even stopped drinking and cut back on weed a bit bc i just dont have time for it.

i had a whole other thing to rant about and i could have so many others, does kinda help to vent it especially writing. i forgot what it was once i started writing about valentines day and happier things. its funny how easy it is to flow into different emotions, yet so hard to control that and discipline that. even when i then after put myself into my happiest spaces, just doesnt always work. thats why when i see the opportunity for happiness i take it and thats why i dont get stuck on things easy, i hate stagnacity (wrote a song about that the other day). not easily influenced, but easily inspired. music actually usually does it. well imma go see if it still smells like campfire in the shower n do that or something else productive n try to make the most of whats left of the day. fuck i usually post this kinda stuff in the middle of the night so not to many people see it, i try not to be a bother or negative. love you all always

[aroacerick]

{ prev was the-sleepiest-of-all , valentine-the-beloved , favorite--daughter }

🌗 { INTRO POST } 🌓

>

🌗 { IMPORTANT INFO } 🌓

{ ♡ im XYZ! (aka a few other things) ♡ }

{ ♡ im a minor (6teen) !!! ♡ }

{ ♡ two spirit, and native american !! ♡ }

{ ♡ hyperfixated on dsmp!! ♡ }

{ ♡ c!connor enthusiast and c!quackity apologist ♡ }

{ ♡ in many fandoms + communities, but youll find more dsmp content!! ♡ }

{ ♡ artist / writer !! (send me prompts) ♡ }

{ ♡ thats about it!! heres my fandom list , byf/byi, and extras !!! :D!! ♡ }

>

🌗 { FANDOM LIST slash things im into } 🌓

{ things in pink are the things im super into!! }

° • ~ AJR !!!!!!!

° • ~ DSMP!!

° • ~ connoreatspants + jschlatt (chuckle sandwich, smplive, etc.)

° • ~ minecraft in general

° • ~ bojack horseman ❤

° • ~ House MD

° • ~ sailor v <3

° • ~ supernatural + doctor who

° • ~ sailor moon!!!

° • ~ space

° • ~ puss in boots the last wish

° • ~ marvel!!

° • ~ adult animation ! (rick and morty, inside job, bobs burgers, etc.)

° • ~ musicals !!!!

° • ~ sanders sides

>

🌗 { EXTRAS } 🌓

~ posts r normally random!! i talk a lot so expect thoughts that r all over the place

~ pumpkin duo, quackcicle, tntduo, karlnapity (basically any ship w/ quackity)

~ send me asks ab what i write for!!! i can give u headcanons if u want!!! or write something for u!!! just hmu!!

~ i am super duper cool!!

~ big c!connor fan !!! (and c!quackity)

~ same thing w/ art!!! i wanna get better ahaha

>

> my dni / trigger list is NOT public for my own saftey, but if we are close, you can ask for it /gen (although, while i believe my triggers arent others responsilibity, if i do tell you, i ask that you do be careful with what ive named around me.)

🌗{ SUPER IMPORTANT , BYF / BYI } 🌓

> 21+ dni (unless I know you and you've confirmed beforehand) I don't like adults following me!!! I'm a teen and just fuck around on this blog, so it's a little weird to me if a bunch of old ppl are following me

> i am dyslexic. i misspell things all the time, unless we are close you are Not allowed to make fun of me for it. same thing with how i read numbers (i have dyscalculia)

> while my dms are open, please Do Not be weird about it. i don't want weird messages or anything.

> don't be rude to me! i block people very easily.

> i Do like u, and i care ab you, but please do not vent to me. esp if i dont know u that well. i get overwhelmed easy, and im not good at comforting. (ofc if i offer go ahead!! and there are exceptions 2 this rule, like my partners and close friends)

> dont send asks about my dad!!! its not silly goofy, i miss him and i didnt hate his guts!!! condolences are welcome, but dont be an ass :/

>

🌗 { LAST NOTES } 🌓

if u wanna dm me for my discord!!! i am so active there ^_^

i swear i am super nice i seem a little mentally ill but just ask my friends i am so awesome

also u can ask for my other socials!!! i am also super active on tiktok and love getting new followers LMAO

thats it ^_^ btw u can always send asks!! i love getting asks!! (if anons are off, its bc im getting harassed </3, just dm me if u want 'em back on :D)

[eudaemoniasystem]

Welcome

Hi there! If you're reading this you have made it to the Eudaemonia Archives, a place in which we put our brain stuff in one place and hopefully make some new system/respectful singlet friends.

About us/BYF

Refer to us collectively as Dae, They/Them pronouns

Collective identity is Queer, Genderfluid-flux, Asexual-spec, Abrosexual/Abroromantic. Headmate identities vary, ask if curious/unsure

We are a polyfragmented DID system, Bodily an adult. We do suffer with extreme time-loss, so forgive us for our lack of consistency

We are neurodivergent

We do suffer with other mental health issues, which we will not disclose, please respect our privacy

We will not participate in syscourse, and if brought to our page, will result in instantly blocking.

There will likely be vent posts on this account, we will do our best to tag all major triggers. Please do not ask us to warn for things that will not affect a lot of people, thats just a hassle for us and, in the nicest way possible, you should remove yourself from our page if it triggers you. Yes, this is a safe space, but we will not limit our own freedom to say what we want.

Speaking of the content of this blog, there will be a range, from system experiences, to just wierd thoughts, to random infodumping, anything and everything will go here

Feel free to ask anything, or even just have a chat! We love hearing about other people's interests and hobbies! Feel free to infodump!

We do not always sign off, but our pronouns will always be listed somewhere

We swear, like a lot, and it will not be tagged, if you don't like that, dont follow.

Feel free to correct us on anything as long as you do so respectfully and informatively (example: If we accidentally use a slur, please explain to us why it's a slur or direct us to a resource where we can read up on it)

DNI List

Racist, Xenophobic, ect ect

Homophobic, Transphobic, Enbyphobic

The above includes people who hate one/think neopronouns & xenogenders are cringe, let people exist please

People who create thier own "systems", it fucking sucks to share a body sometimes, why would you want that. (Goes double if you use the word Tulpa, because afaik thats cultural appropriation) (if you "created" your own "system", imo, you're roleplaying, im sorry, thats just how most of us see it)

Syscourse

Dont think introjects are real/Valid

Invalidate fictive heavy systems

To be honest, any kind of fakeclaiming, gtfo this page

Dissing our special interests

Asking about our trauma, We do not owe you anything

Think people are problematic for liking problematic content (when they are aware and dislike that its problematic. Example: We enjoy the harry potter series, We still consume the media because it was nostalgic for us, WE DO NOT agree with JK Rowlings views and accept that parts of the story are an awful representation to certain groups of people)

Call people cringe in a non-jokey manner

All that being said, once again, welcome, and enjoy your time here should you choose to stay

Here are some tags we may use

#Eudaemonia Intros - Headmate intro posts

#Eudaemonia Gen - Random thoughts, General stuff

#Eudaemonia Chaos - Silly posts, Memes, Incorrect/Actual quotes

#Eudaemonia Vents - Self explanatory, these will have a warning for content if needed, then a read more bar

#Eudaemonia Info-Central - Infodumps. will have a read more bar after the subject matter

#Eudaemonia Appreciation - Gushing, Appreciation and stuff along those lines

[cosmosflowers92]

so i guess.....

i should start by explaining why im here and why i decided to create a whole new email just to be able to make this blog in the first place.

i have discovered that if you have a group of friends that you can not vent safely to them about the other without causing them to start to hate eachother...which is my fault, i should of created a safe space for me to vent a long time ago, now my two best friends cant stand eachother and we all live together!!!

the other day my friend we will call her "A" and i got into because me and my other friend lets call her "M" have offered to pay a little extra in rent to help her with her portion because her contracted job ended and she is having trouble landing another position that suited to her liking, well since we have offered this some life troubles have effected both me and M. i had to spend 2000 on my mouth and M had to drop almost 1200 on her car. all in all we were always planning on still giving her the extra help but we wanted to all sit down and look at everyone's finances and determine what would be the best rout for all of us. A thought that meant that we are going to hold her to the fire over the way she has treated us since losing her job. she has become explosive and will say some really hurtful things under the veil of being justified in saying it or whatever. some of the comments she has said have been things like "i wish i could be ignorant with less" in response to me trying to assure her that there are people with less than we have that still find a way to be happy, or "im not going to work retail" in response to me trying to set her up with a store management position at the mall i work at, all the while fully expected extra money from the 2 people that work retail while at the same time staring down your nose at jobs like that!

so either way she knows that she has been less than nice to us all the while having her hand out. Anyways we got into it and i dont think there is saving this friendship anymore. whats really heartbreaking is that she i guess somehow views me as a monster and thats just simply not true, i consider the people i love in every choice i make, im putting off saving my mom from possible homlessess to be here to support A instead, she doesnt check up on me at all or ask how im doing mentally or emotionally she has disconnected from me entirley but expects me to still put her first on the list when it comes to prioritites. she has become a person i dont even recognize anymore. i love her with all my heart but i have finally come to a point where i love myself more. there is a part of me that feels like thats selfish but its time, it really is to stop worrying about people that clearly arnt worried about me in the slightest and who would say those hurtful insensitive things to me....

there is obviously alot more to this story but thats the gist of it for now, stay tuned there will be more i assure you.

[red-woods]

u dont understand its crucial to the fabric of the universe that no one talk to me , ever , and i never hear a single sound . do not come near me space and time will be set ablaze , i am a being of abscence meant not to be percieved . i will implode in on myself and make a hole that can only be filled by the death of the fabric of reality .

( my mom wont shut the up and it legitimately impacts my mental health a great deal because its like having unskippable meaningless long text boxes you cant escape also mostly its that she's abusive , and i want nothing more than to never talk to her ever again at this point or hear a single word she says )

( friends im always cool with talking to , literally dump an hours long text post on ur special interests / hyperfixations on me i will absolutely love and appreciate it , ask me to vent and ho on for hours , its literally absolutely okay and welcome and enjoyed in fact , im just - RRRRRRRRRRR GRRRRRR BARK BARK ARF RUFF ARG ARRRRRRGGGGHHHHH RAAAAARARARARARARARARARARAAAAAAAAR ARG ARF BARK RAWOOOOOOOOOOOUUUUUUUUUR GRRRRRRRRRRR ARF BARK - about abusers specifically yk ? )

[mr-kiwi-the-wizard]

Welcome class todays wellbeing lesson. Today we will be talking about the Social Pillar of wellbeing.

Among the four pillars, (Physical, Mental, social and spiritual) Social is often neglected due to poor understanding and the horrible spiral it can take us down.

The Social Pillar is made up of three layers. the fist layer, the core, is the Family Relationship layer. Now family in a social sense can include both biological, found and adopted it includes who carried you, birthed you, raised you and who continues to be your lifeline and support. Those who brought us into this world are generally the ones expected to look after us in our most vulnerable state early on. they're also the ones we hold accountable for us even existing at this point. So we naturally have a close bond to them even if we never knew them. If theyre not around a guardian of some sort will generally fulfill half the space here in regards to family but only half. Later on people tend to start their own familys and so forth. These people are the ones you need to rely on most should anything life changing occur that could see you in poverty or the streets and so a healthy relationship of this type is recommended with one or more people.

The Friend Relationship layer is the next layer on the pillar of social wellbeing. while the core is essential it alone cannot keep a persons social wellbeing healthy. Friends are people you confide in, vent to and support and are supported by. They will allways help when asked and can be trusted to know things and do things that you may not trust others with. Trust is the most important factor here. These are people you can trust to say things to that could upset strangers, you know them and they know you by and large. Your family are not your friends, they are your family. So having people you trust outside the people you live with is a must. If you ever have trouble making friends then try speaking to people in intrest groups, who are friends of friends or family and even their friends and people they know. Friends are easier to make when you have a connection or reason to be with them or talk to them. Even if your on your own with just your spouse or partner friends besides them are important to let you speak your mind on things you keep inside.

Finally the Stranger Relationship layer. Although it would have been called the communal relationship layer, the globalization of humanity and urbanization of communitys has led to the people you meet everyday far exeeding the amount of strangers you can keep in mind and try to recognize. Strangers are not your friends and frankly should never be treated as such unless you trust them and they trust you unless you wish to cause yourself social harm. Having a good relationship with common strangers is important as the outer layer of your piller of social wellbeing. Now your here on tumblr, you have mutuals and people you follow and maybe even streamers and youtubers you watch. They are your stranger relationships. You can exhange words with them but ultimatly you dont know each other enough for you both to be fully comfortable interacting in your normal way. Many people (Especially here) have prejudices against strangers based on their past experiences. Maybe they hate harrypotter fans, maybe they hate straight or gay people, maybe they think everyone who wears the colour blue is apart of a world ending cult of mad monks. you dont know them and they dont know you. Now i know you want to advertise yourself so people know what to expect when they meet you but that doesnt help. strangers dont want to know you unless they suddenly do and making them know you sows distrust. So how do you keep your stranger relationships healthy? Be you! Act deliberately and non-apologeticly and never assume anything of anyone else beyond they do to YOU.  how someone acts towards someone else isnt how they may act towards you, even if theyre loud about it. and you dont need to defend strangers from strangers unless doing so is within your spiritual needs. (Disclaimer Spiritual is not specifically nor exclusively religious). You only act as you do and respect any rules any groups and community's have in place if you wish to stay. You dont need to be in a group of strangers after all you can leave and they can get you to leave. We’re not all cookie cutter replicas everyone is different and those different people try to live together in close proximity. you dont need to like strangers and thats why they are strangers. So be respecful and never see a stranger as a friend nor enemy. they are simply a neighbor

Now that last one was pretty long but it is poorly understood and DEFIANTLY needs further elaboration, or more better, self reflection from you and i. But its incredibly important now that were closer than ever. So remember, Eat, Sleep, Stay learning, Improve, Talk, be yourself and never do something you cannot will yourself to do.

[disanddatmedia]

I feel like loneliness will shorten my life span more than anything else.

I remember when I had friends that I could go out for drives with, blasting the mysic loud, talk about life, do stupid shit. I remember when I was able to hit up people and be like "hey wanna ride bikes stoned?" and it be a summer night, or "hey we should all go out for supper", or even "let's all go to (insert persons name) house and party/play board games/watch horror movies". I remember when if I was alone one night, it would feel like boredom, not what it is now for me, the norm of me being pulled deeper and deeper into the darkness of what is loneliness.

I also miss being in a healthy relationship, a relationship that you can be like "hey honey did you want to do something?" and it could be literally just the 2 of yous cuddling doing nothing, just happy to be around. I miss having that person that I feel so deeply connected to, falling asleep and waking up to a person you care so much and deeply about.

I feel like an outsider, the friends I have I feel like I'm just on the outside looking in, it's hard to make friends as an adult already but when you live in an area where you're an outsider to the norm , you look for the more outcast, weirder, and damaged people, but when you're an outsider to those groups as well, where do you go?

And here's the thing, sometimes I can logic my brain out of this, sometimes I can't, seems like it's happening more and more.

Depression, anxiety, trauma, nerodivergatiness, and poverty are just a recipe for loneliness. Funny however that things about me contradict itself. I work mostly alone, making absolute minimum (which in this case, it is not enough for survival), with this, the social spaces and activities are limited cause, well, money.

I do have some empathy for the men who experience loneliness, I do not approve of how some of these men behave and react and view the world because of it, no excuse for that, but being a man feeling isolation, it fucking sucks, and I talk about this because I am a lonely man, I don't hate people, I don't hate progressives (I am a progressive afterall), I don't hate feminism (I am one afterall), and so on. I am just lonely as hell, living in a capitalistic hellscape, stuck, and seeing less and less hope.

I'm scared to write about this online, I don't want to be attacked, or made fun of, or even dismissed. Loneliness is extremely horrible for mental health, I am trying, I am not going to stop trying to escape this loneliness, but it is so hard.

And all of this, is written on a day depression and loneliness day, which seems to be happening more, which I hate. I worry I'm annoying, or needy, or a bother, and so on, these are the thoughts of depression but it's hard to stop these thoughts.

This is just a ramble, a rant I wanted off my chest, as I lay alone in my room, on my bed, watching youtube, no really sure what the hell to do. Maybe Ill think of something, but with winter coming, this is going to be more limited.

If you read this, check in on your friends, this includes your male friends, as they are not as likely to express the true feelings they have, if you dont have something nice to say, all I ask is you don't say it here or to me, my mental health is kinda crap no gonna lie. Of you know me personally and didn't know this, know 3 things: 1) sorry you find out like this, 2) I didnt say anything to you probably because I didn't want to be a burden, 3) My physical health and safety is fine, nothing to worry about there.

I think I will figure it out, just wanted to vent about whats going on. Hopefully it makes sense

[kermitmentality]

helloooo!!

welcome to my blog :) a bit about myself~

hello! my name is giulia! i am 18 years old and my pronouns are she/her

i am queer, not sure what labels except for demi-romantic and demi-sexual (most likely les but i don’t need to know rn :))

i am also single :) and loving it tbh

i have been diagnosed with PCOS and insulin resistance. i have had an €d for the past 4 years of my life, putting myself through pain to only yield zero results due to these conditions. i have decided i am going to try to heal my body in a *healthy* way. i cannot say i am recovering because i obsess over making myself healthy, and other reasons.

i have been diagnosed with anorexia, MDD (depression), and GAD (anxiety). also a few others but those are mostly unimportant lol. so yes, i am mentally ill lol

some of my hobbies are singing, hanging with siblings and friends, bakinggg, reading, scuba diving, and procrastinating :)

if i go poof at any time, you can most likely blame my parents lol

and now, just a few things about my blog...

first of all, i would just like to say that although this account has always been my safe space and was an €d account (never pro), i am now trying to better my health

THIS IS YOUR WARNING! i may have content involving €ds, SH, depression, anxiety, and other mental illnesses

i am NOT pro €d in any way, shape, or form. i may post about my struggles with my €d and trying to get through “recovery”, i may repost my friend’s mental health posts, i may sometimes have triggering content on my blog (will always be TWed). i do not and have never supported €ds.

everything i post is to vent or to cope, and to help others cope. any food, workout plan, or health related post i make is about my recovery from a condition i have.

i am entirely pro recovery, and if i ever use humor, i am a mentally ill queer. sorry. it also is just helping myself and others feel comfortable and have a safe space to discuss their disorders. 

i see how incredibly awful it is to have mental illnesses, having a few myself, and i would not wish any pain on ANYONE. i will never ever ever ever encourage €d behavior or SH or anything harmful to one’s mind or body.

IF YOU ARE EVER TRIGGERED BY SOMETHING ON MY ACCOUNT OR ARE NOT PART OF THE MENTALLY ILL/€D COMMUNITY, OR ARE IN RECOVERY, BLOCK, DONT REPORT, MY ACCOUNT IMMEDIATELY. FOR YOUR OWN GOOD. 

if you are pro ed, also block my account :) and rethink your actions please

i would just like to add, this is truly my only vent space and does help me cope with my mental illnesses as i live with people who are homophobic, of a religion different than mine, and do not want to help me in ways that will actually help. please please please block, dont report. if you have an issue with me or my blog, you are welcome to talk to me about my content before you continue with any action. id gladly speak to anyone about my content and i will listen to anything being said :)

anyways, i promise im a friendly person and i would love love love to be friends! dm me anytime and ask to talk about anything :) or lmk if you need any help at all, or would like to vent or anythinggg, im always here! 

love u all, stay safe <333

p.s. my backup is @kermit-mentality :))

my tags:

#kermiecooks for my low cal recipes and posts

#kermiebakes for my baking stuff :) love to bake

#mealsforkermie for meal ideas that i like :)

(for me) #for kermit to remember later

[kirishimaswife2819]

Them Comforting Their S/o During a Panic Attack || Midoriya, Bakugou, and Todoroki

Masterlist

Pairings: Izuku Midoriya x Reader, Katsuki Bakugou x Reader, and Shoto Todoroki x Reader

Requested by Anonymous: hi :) brief warning for: mentions of depression, social anxiety, panic attacks and tics in a few days i start school irl again, and i have severe depression and social anxiety which makes it a living hell for me because i get 0 support from anyone🙂 my friends tell me to get over myself, but they really dont understand how hard it is since i found out we were going back ive been having panic attacks and more aggressive tics, if it isn’t too troublesome may i please have bakugo, todoroki and deku (you can cut deku if its too much) comforting their s/o after a bad panic attack? if you aren’t comfortable writing this, i understand, have a nice day and be good to yourself❤️ thank you in advance

Word Count: 1k

Warnings: Panic attacks

A/n: Okay, so I generally upload requests in the order that receive them in, but I felt like you’d probably want this done before you actually went back to school. I did a bit of research on panic attacks, because I don’t have much experience with them, so I hope I represented it accurately. And as I am now rereading this request I realized that you requested them comforting you afterwards (I wrote it as during instead of afterwards) but I wrote the whole thing before realizing that, so I hope that’s fine (if it isn’t then just send in another request and I’ll get it done asap, I’m just a dumbass who clearly can’t read right). Also, get new friends, your current ones sound kind of sucky. Another thing, if you ever need to vent or anything like that, you can message me, I don’t mind, I’m not the best at giving advice (maybe I am idk), but I’m a good listener. Other than that, thanks for requesting! I hope you enjoy these! -Danielle <3

Izuku Midoriya:

Throughout your relationship, Izuku has done a ton of research on panic attacks and how to help (he has a few notebook pages on it), and he really worries if he finds out that you had one and he wasn’t around to help, so he stays by your side as often as possible, unless you tell him that you want him to do otherwise

You have previously told him a few things that lead to a panic attack for you and he tries his best to help you avoid any setting that may trigger a panic attack, but even he’s not perfect, and he can’t stop a certain trigger

Izuku was trying to calm himself down, as he watched you begin to panic, he knew this wasn’t about him, and he mentally scolded himself for starting to panic, because he thought that he had no right to panic when you’re the one having a full on panic attack

After he sees the first tear fall from your eyes, he’s immediately snapped back into reality and he’s speaking to you

“May I hold you, Y/n?” He asked, and when you nodded, he pulled you into his arms

His face grew red at the action, but he had no time to spare being embarrassed or flustered, not when you were in this state

“I want to help you, Y/n. Will you let me help you?”

After he heard a small but loud enough to hear, “Yes” he spoke again

“Okay, just breathe, alright? It’s going to be okay, you’ll be fine. Here, breathe will me. I’m right here.”

It took a bit of effort, and a lot of comforting, but eventually Izuku had managed to calm you down and your breathing slowly returned to normal

After a few minutes of letting you get used to breathing normally and not being in a panic attack, Izuku kissed your cheek and spoke again, “Are you alright?”

“Yes, I’m alright, Izuku. Thank you.”

Katsuki Bakugou:

Okay, so if it would have been anybody else, he would have told them to fuck off and get over it themselves, but he just couldn’t stand seeing you so upset and panicking

He’s not really sure what he’s supposed to do, since he’s not the best at comforting, but he couldn’t just stand there when you started having a panic attack during class

He was freaking out and he was doing a very poor job at hiding it, he had no idea what to do

He probably would have continued panicking if Izuku didn’t yell at him, “Kacchan, help them! They wouldn’t want anybody else to.”

Katsuki just sort of approached you as you were panicking in your seat, while some students were trying to comfort you verbally, but it wasn’t helping much, and he helped you stand, before leading you out of the room

Once you were out in the hallway, Katsuki had you sit down, and he held your hands, trying to think of what he should

He remembered you telling him about panic attacks and you had almost told him what to do if you ever had one, but somebody interrupted and the two of you forgot about it

“Hey, it’s okay,” he finally said, “I’m right here. You’re safe. Do you want me to hold you?”

After a nod of approval through your sobs, he pulled you into his arms and held you there for a while

He rested his head on top of yours and whispered things along the lines of “It’ll all be okay” or “Just breathe with me” to you

He ignored everybody that happened to be walking by, that stared at the two of you

“Are you alright now?” Katsuki questioned, moving his head to the side so he could see your expression

Your breathing had calmed down and you weren’t sobbing anymore, just trying to calm down and catch your breath

“I think so,” you replied

“Okay, let’s just stay here for a minute, okay?” 

“Okay.”

Shoto Todoroki:

After you told him that you had panic attacks, he did his research on them, so that he could help you if he needed to

He works really hard to figure out what triggers a panic attack for you, and he works hard to avoid you having a panic attack, but things still happen

You had just been hanging out with Midoriya, Uraraka, and Tsuyu, when you suddenly starting having trouble breathing

“Y/n, are you okay?” Uraraka asked, being the closest to you, and the first person to notice your breathing, gaining the attention of Tsuyu and Midoriya

Midoriya’s eyes went wide when he heard your breathing, and saw tears starting to stream down your cheeks, “I think they’re having a panic attack.”

“What do you need, Y/n?” Uraraka asked, turning to you

“Shoto,” you replied, barely processing the question, but you did, “I need S-Shoto.”

“Tsu, can you go get Todoroki?” Uraraka asked, as she comfortingly ran her hand up and down your arm

Tsuyu got up and left, after confirming that she would do it, before going to find Shoto

She found him training with some of the other boys, and told him what was going on, and he immediately started towards your room, where Uraraka and Midoriya were attempting to calm you down

Immediately after entering, Shoto approached you and Uraraka and Midoriya backed up to give you two some space

“I’m here now, love,” Shoto said, “Can you hear me?”

Once you nodded, he turned to the other people in the room and gestured for them to leave

They were hesitant to leave, but they did, leaving you and Shoto alone

You were sitting on the bed, and Shoto was kneeling on the floor in front of you, holding your hands

“It’s okay, I’m here, you’re safe, can you try to breathe with me?”

You nodded and tried to match his breathing, and he comforted you as you started to calm down, and come back from the panic attack

Once your breathing had calmed, you spoke, “I’m okay now.”

After hearing those words, Shoto immediately engulfed you in a huge hug, which he would have done previously, but he didn’t want to overwhelm you

“Thank you,” you mumbled in his chest, as you hugged him back

“You’re welcome, let me know if this happens again, alright?” Shoto asked, and he felt you nod back into his chest

[one-abuse-survivor]

i really need to vent im so sorry. my sister is driving me to literal insanity. i dont know if im a manipulator or shes truly being a horrible person to me. i talk to my bf a lot. facetime pretty much all day every day, and she can hear me talking through the wall, mostly mumbles no words, but still noise, and she doesnt say anything. she games at the WORST times, honestly, at least we stop talking at 8/9pm, but thats when she starts gaming with her friends, screaming (yes. literal ear piercing screams from horror games) shouting and overall joyous loudness from her room. i put my headphones on and try to block it out, knowing shes just having fun and i need to put up with it. its been like this the whole year practically. the past week shes been getting closer to dad again. dad. the guy who hates me with a passion and mentally abused me for 2 years straight and never got a consequence for it. every. single. time. she hangs out with him, or games with him, she turns into this horribly mean snarky person who is so so rude. and ik im sounding dramatic but shes literally the opposite otherwise. but other than dad shes also got a new friend whos very judgemental and snarky so ig shes impressionable. but anyway the past week shes been very rude and mean to both me and my mum. mums a huge pushover so being mean to her is like kicking a dog, and i truly hate it when shes mean to her. cos mum loves her more than she loves me (its evident and shes told me multiple times i promise im not inferring it) so shes much more of a pushover with my sister 'everything has to be perfect for her'. i hate it. ik ik its jealousy but im dealing with it or at least trying to. so tonight she was singing horribly and ive not had a good day, im stressed, tired, and trying to sleep and here she is humming away purposefully sounding awful. i ask her to be quiet, continues, tell her to shut up, she continues, so i bang on the wall and i kid you not she slowly gets wuieter and quieter til its barely a mumble i can hear from her room and it makes me so unfathomably angry and i truly have no idea why. its like she knows every single button of mine and pushes them at will. so i texted her saying, why are you being such a dick lately its so annoying, to which she was like "i put up iwith you blah blah you cant put up with me blah' i told her to stop playing victim so she told me i need to learn to shut up and put up. a phrase straight from dads book. she knows it is and it throws me into a spiral ehenever i hear it and she knows!! so here i am angry af trying to calm down and not do something ill regret tomorrow, whilst shes happily downstairs making light conversation with dad. i hate it so so much. i did respond back, are you being sarcastic rn?? if not i dont want to speak to you ever again. and she said ok. ik ik its dramatic af but i just cant with her anymore she makes me feel how dad made me feel and i then react like a child, to a child. ik my responses are in the wrong, i really am sorry if i sound really childish or just plain stupid and im truly in the wrong, pls pls tell me if i am. i just cannot handle her at all lately shes literally been a demon lmao (jkjk) thank you for letting me vent to you, the safe space youve created really means a lot <3

hi im the anon whos mad at my sister, uhm - im very close to starting my period and have come to the conclusion that its the reason for the anger lol. Ik i do have some issues but i think it was mostly irrational anger when i wrote the vent, and not an acc issue, or at least thats what im really hoping is the answer lol. im super sorry about it, and i hope youre having an awesome day 💕

Hey, nonnie. I'm glad you could let out some of your frustration and anger here ❤️ I didn’t see your second ask until after writing the reply below, but I think all of it applies anyway, becuase we’re allowed to have days where we’re more irritable. I’m having a good day today, I hope you are too!

I don't think you sound childish or stupid, nonnie. It sounds to me like you might have had a trauma reaction toward her because of the abuse your dad put you through. Trauma reactions (ie. having flashbacks, going into fight/flight, becoming hypervigilant...) don't just appear when we're interacting with the people who abused us; they often also appear when other people do or say something that reminds us of the abuse. Your sister knowingly used a line your dad has used to hurt you before, so I think it is completely understandable that you had an emotional reaction that seems "dramatic" in retrospect. I can only talk from personal experience, but I've also done the same over text in the past, and it was always after something/someone sent me into a fight response.

And, nonnie, even if trauma responses don't justify our actions (they only explain them), I think it's fair to say that this situation with your sister escalated from both sides, not just yours. It wasn't you exploding at her out of nowhere. As you said, she was pushing your buttons, and she knew she was upsetting you, because you'd asked her to be quiet several times.

So yeah, if she makes you feel like your dad made you feel, I think it's understandable that you're having these big emotional reactions toward her when she oversteps your boundaries and purposefully pushes your buttons. You said you react "like a child" toward her, and I think it might be helpful to think about why your reactions feel like those of a child. Children—especially abused children—feel small and defenceless, and sometimes they lash out to protect themselves when this fear and defencelessness become overwhelming. So "reacting like a child" doesn't have to necessarily mean "oh I'm being so immature and stupid". It can mean "I feel threatened and helpless, so my body is having an instinctive reaction to protect me".

What I'm trying to get that is I think you ought to be a little bit kinder to yourself, nonnie. You're allowed to be affected by her attitude toward you. You're allowed to acknowledge that these reactions you're having aren't a flaw on your part, but a sign you're going through a lot of distress and your body is protecting you in any way it can.

I also think you need to be kinder to yourself about feeling jealous that your mum loves your sister more than you. Your jealousy isn't the thing that needs to be fixed in this situation. Your jealousy is a very appropriate reaction to a very unfair situation to you. You deserve to be loved and cared for and protected from harm as much as your sister. You never deserved to hear that your mum loves her more than you. You're not being selfish or childish by feeling jealous; you're just acknowledging your unmet emotional needs and acknowledging that you deserve better than this. And you really do. You deserve so, so much better than this.

Your emotions are allowed, nonnie. Your anger and your jealousy and your defensiveness when she's mean to you and your mum are all allowed. Please don't forget that.

Sending a virtual hug ❤️

[duckugou]

the blood on our hands

bakugou x gn!reader

aged up!

cw: a n g s t as hell. comfort. cursing, mentions of drinking, smoking, etc. alluding to depression and anxiety. dealing with trauma of missions and losing people. a ton of mentions of blood

this is a heavy topic in the hero universe i imagine- and generally in the mental health world of it all.

lyrics are from purple flowers by ande estrella which hold a very important meaning that has nothing to do with this- they just worked with the story. But fr go listen to it bc its so good.

come to my asks to be a part of my taglist! just let me know what kinds of fics/ what fandom/ what characters/ etc you want to be tagged in! Requests are open!!

------------------------------------------------

reality is heavy and loud

Spacing out was more than being distracted to Y/n. Being a young hero meant stressful situations, overbearing management, tight spaces, stuffy meetings, and so much... blood. It takes a toll on a young person. Of course they wanted to be a hero- wouldn't chose anything else. They grin and bear this shit for a reason- to save and help people.

But god, who saves the heros?

but white has the privilege of washing machines to wash out the stains from their comfortable jeans

Some nights, after wrap-up meetings, everything was a bit too heavy. The usual group of friends and young heroes would choose someone's house to go to in order to destress.

For some, that was smoking. For some, it was drinking, video games, napping, venting, sitting outside alone yet with company. And for some it was merely listening to everyone else.

Not having to make a decision. Not having to be responsible. That's what y/n picked every time.

Bakugou would always notice them alone in the corner of the room. They were the one to come up with destress gatherings after hard missions. Bakugou knew it was so they wouldn't be alone with their thoughts. That's why he would always step in at times like as get them to talk, so those thoughts dont stay trapped in their head.

"Hey." Bakugou muttered, sitting on the floor next to y/n in Denkis apartment.

"Hey."

"You good, dude?" Bakugou asked with genuine concern.

He was always a bit nicer to Y/n. Nobody knew why, yet everyone knew why. They both were fragile and chose to hide it during the day, being strong around others to not raise red flags.

"I'm okay...just. That one was bad. I almost lost that kid. Like she almost fucking- died in my arms." Y/n choked out.

"Hey hey hey, its okay. You got her to the ambulance in time. You did that shit. You always do. You're the best in the game at comforting little twerps." Bakugou attempted to comfort them- somewhat succeeding and holding their head against his chest.

One time, Y/n mentioned that they held kids against their chest during rescues to calm their heartbeat. "If you listen to a calmer heartbeat, you're more likely to try to match it and slow your own down." Of course you wouldn't think Y/n would be able to have a calm heartbeat during a rescue, but they are very talented at controlling their nerves. Part of being a hero.

wiping the blood off their hands to their thighs, wearing the blood of the people who've died

Y/n subconsciously calmed down a bit, Bakugou's ability to remember every word that drips off of Y/n's lips paying off.

"I know. I just can't stop...thinking about everyone I've- we've lost. Its so unfair."

"I know. Hey, you have- uh. Lets go to the bathroom." Bakugou noticed a smudge of blood on Y/n's face and a bit on their hands. Cleaning up was the last thing on their mind earlier on.

"Ok."

Taking each other's hands, they walked into the bathroom. Bakugou sat Y/n on the counter, turning on the sink and grabbing a cloth.

"O-oh god. Thats fucking blood. I thought I washed my h-hands." Y/n began panicking, causing Bakugou to put their hands under the water with soap, washing it all off for them.

Tears mixed with the water from the sink and Bakugou stayed silent. Wiping their face, Bakugou looked into Y/n's eyes. These two have just always known.

They know what people can hide. What secret messages the body language of a person can hold. And he let them grip onto the back of his shirt as he held them in his arms, Y/n not being able to cry anymore and just breathing in his scent from his shoulder.

but dont let the purple flowers fool you

"Listen. We're going to get through this one. I know its hard on you- all of the families involved. But you- we saved them. We're all here for each other right? I'm here for you." Bakugou pulls Y/n back a little to look into their eyes. "You are the strongest one here. I know it fucking hurts. I know it is so...scary-" He sniffles a little, letting his own emotions take over. Something only he did when they were alone together. "- but we're heroes. And human. We are allowed to feel pain and sadness and disappointment- but we're heroes for a reason, right? We can handle this shit."

"I know we can. We always have. Just... promise you'll never leave me?"

"Youre so stupid. I've been more careful lately." He scoffs, wiping tears from his face. He of course knew that Y/n was referring to a few weeks ago when Bakugou got too caught up in the mission and was almost crushed by debris. He was pulled away in time by a fellow hero but it still opened his eyes, as well as Y/n, to how fragile they are, even if they are the heroes.

"I know Kats, but please. You're my rock in here. You're my person." Y/n says looking into his eyes.

"And you're my person. I can't leave you behind. You wouldn't know what to do without me here." Bakugou chuckles, earning a shove from Y/n.

"Katsuki." Y/n starts, holding his hands in their own.

"Yeah." He sighs.

"I don't speak lightly of feelings, you know that right?"

"Of course I know that. You don't talk much about those to anyone-"

"Except you." They interrupt Bakugou, reminding him of the importance of their unspoken bond and making his heart race.

"Yeah."

"Then you'll know how hard it is for me to say this. But- Katsuki I think I love you. I know we aren't super affectionate outside of being alone but- I've never felt what I feel with you before. I understand if you don't feel the same way and if this was all just because you felt bad but I needed to tell you that because you're really important and this is very import-"

Bakugou, in the most cliche turn of events, cuts Y/n off with a kiss to shut them up.

Pulling away, Bakugou rests his forehead on Y/n's .

"I love you too. I thought that was obvious when I never stopped you from saying my first name, idiot." He chuckles lightly.

"I kinda figured you at least liked me-"

"I'm going to keep you safe forever. That means physically and emotionally. No more hiding any feelings from me just because there are people around. Pull me aside. Hold me if you need or want to- I dont care if the whole world sees that. But just- fuck Y/n. I know you feel fragile. I know what it's like to be scared and hide it. I'm your diary now, ok? Always."

"Thank you...Katsuki. Fuck. You're everything I've ever needed. Plus youre kinda cute too I suppose." Y/n giggles.

"Oi fuck off." Bakugou kisses them again, relieved that he can finally be himself with Y/n, that he has them finally.

"I'm your diary too them, okay? I mean it. Anything, any time, say the word." Y/n says lightly, squeezing Bakugou's hand.

"Fuck. I love you."

"I love you too. I love how that sounds coming from you by the way."

"Me the fuck too-" Bakugou was interrupted by a loud yelling-

"I GOTTA PISSSSSS" followed by banging on the door.

"MAYBE YOU SHOULDN'T DRINK SO FAST THEN LIGHT WEIGHT!" Bakugou responds, recognizing the voice of Denki.

"DONT MAKE FUN OF MEEEE I'LL LAUGH AND PEE MYSELF" Denki whined.

"Let's go, angel." Bakugou whispers into Y/n's hair, kissing them on the head and helping them off of the counter.

[parkers-gal]

Part 2 of Harry thought she was cheating on with tom" uhm you should do it if you want or not.

Harry wants know the expalantion. Why did y/n and tom are soo soo close??

its okay if you dont want do it :))

hiii sorry it took so long ! :( that piece is called “what’s his.” here’s pt two !! <3

requests are temporarily closed

—

With two days gone, you feel it’s probably time for you to stop ignoring Tom. After your fight with Harry, you thought it best to not interact with any of the Hollands until things settled, but right now you’re in desperate need of some comfort, and Tom doesn’t deserve to lose a friend because you’re in a rough patch with his brother.

He’d called you an extraordinary amount of times, checking on you and asking questions and offering his help whenever it was needed. You hadn’t answered until today, and he’d replied within seconds.

You were going over to their flat. Tom promised Harry would be out with Sam and Harrison, so you wouldn’t have to deal with awkward encounters or situations. You’re grateful, at least, that your fight with Harry hasn’t splintered your friendship with Tom — at least, not as much as you thought it might.

The beep of your car brings you out of your head — you realize you’re at Tom’s house a lot faster than you thought. You’re on time, though, but you’re not as mentally prepared as you’d like to be. You’re a bit distressed, and noticeably so. Fighting with Harry wasn’t fun.

“Hey, Y/N/N.” Tom greets you as he opens the door, stepping aside to allow you inside. You smile nervously, awkwardly, and you manage to remove your shoes and settle on the couch. Tom has movies and ice cream pulled up, your favorite blanket splayed out on one end of the couch.

As you settle, he sits beside you, hands in his lap while he smiles gently.

“Do you… wanna watch a movie? Or… maybe talk about what happened?” He swallows thickly. “I’m here if you need to vent or- rant or whatever they say nowadays.”

You chuckle, almost dryly, but nod nonetheless at his offer. Ten minutes go by with you talking, and somehow you’ve shifted closer to him. Another ten minutes pass and you’re crying into his shoulder about the entire ordeal, hugging his side, leaning into him as another tear falls.

He takes his time with you, calming you down before talking quietly. He’s rationalizing the issue with you, telling you the things Harry said. He knows he shouldn’t, because this really isn’t his business, but he can’t help it. He wants things to work out between you and his brother.

The front door opens, though neither of you hear it through your talking. Harry comes through the hallway, and when he catches sight of you cuddled into his brother’s side, he scoffs, rolling his eyes.

Tom notices him first, and when you follow his eyeline, you quickly separate from Tom, standing as you attempt to go over to him.

“Harry- Harry it’s not what you think-!” You don’t get to say anything you want to, because as he runs up the stairs, his bedroom door slams loudly, leaving you a puzzled puddle at the bottom of the staircase.

When you turn slowly on your heel, you’re close to crying again, and when Tom makes a move to hug you, you step back.

You’re muttering words as you grab your bag and make for the door. “Tom, I’m sorry. This was a bad idea, I- I shouldn’t have come.”

You leave him in the doorway, quickly situating yourself in the driver’s seat of your old car. Tom is sighing to himself, hands rubbing his forehead while he slams the door with a “shit.”

When he turns around, Harry is on the staircase, making his way down. He’s furious, angrily making his way towards Tom. Only, he doesn’t stop. Instead, he walks right past his older brother and straight into the kitchen. Tom finds nothing holding him back as he runs after him.

“Harry- Harry please, wait.”

“No.” He harshly closes the fridge after getting a cup of yogurt out from the pack on the top shelf. “I don’t care for whatever you have to say.” “No, but I want you to know there’s nothing going on between us-”

“Does it look like I give a fuck?” He sets his spoon down on the counter, fingers gripping the edge of the marble in anger. “You’ve already stolen her from me, it doesn’t matter anymore.” As Harry leaves the kitchen, Tom’s anger bubbles into the air, and he can’t stop himself from yelling at his younger brother.

“I didn’t ‘steal’ anyone! It’s your fault that you were too insecure to talk to her instead of accusing her of cheating on you.” Harry turns around slowly, nostrils flaring, jaw clenching and eyes darkening. He drops the cup of strawberry yogurt, the spoon clinking on the hardwood. In a matter of seconds, Harry is lunging at his older brother, about to swing a fist, but luckily, Harrison is by his side in the nick of time. He’d arrived just on time, noticing Harry’s stance and recognizing the signs of when Harry is about to swing a throw.

“Stop, stop.” Harrison’s voice is a loud and stark contrast to the tense silence between the Holland boys.

“Fuck off.” Harry shoves Harrison hands off of his arms, storming out of the room, leaving a breathless Tom and a panting Harrison.

“What the fuck was that about?” Harrison gestures to the entire room, to the direction in which the boy had walked out. Tom doesn’t reply, too caught up in the events that were just portrayed in front of him. “Care to explain?” Harrison gets louder as more time passes, and Tom nods, gesturing for him to stop yelling.

“I just… Harry walked in on me and Y/N.”

“Oh god, Tom.” Harrison cuts his explanation short, and Tom is quick to clear up the image.

“Not like that. We were just- we were just talking. She started crying so I hugged her and then Harry found us like that.” “So Harry walked in on his brother hugging his girlfriend.” Harrison stated bluntly, clearly.

“Pretty much. But then he got angry so she left so I tried to clear things up but then he got angry and we yelled at each other and-” “And what did you say to him?” Harrison gives Tom a side eye, and Tom winces at himself.

“I… blamed him for everything.” “Jesus, Tom.”

“How was I supposed to know he was gonna throw a punch?!”

“You weren’t, but you should’ve known you were gonna piss him off even more!”

Tom scoffs, head tilting backwards while he looks at the ceiling in thought. “I don’t know what I’m supposed to do.”

“You need to stay out of their relationship.” Harrison doesn’t sugarcoat what he thinks needs to happen. There’s no happy ending for you and Harry if Tom doesn’t stay out of the waters until it clears up.

“But-”

“No, Tom.” Harrison’s shoulders sag slightly. “Look, I know she’s your friend too, but that’s Harry’s girlfriend. You’ve… I don’t know… caused tension? You’ve gotten in between them. They need to bond again.”

“No, yeah, I know. You’re right.” He sighs. “I just… I don’t know if this is all my fault? It’s not my fault Harry said those things to her.”

“Yeah,” Harrison sips a glass of water. “But you should give them space until they make up.” Tom hums, nodding as he crosses his thick arms. “You know, you could start by explaining why the hell you and Y/N are so close.” Tom eyes him while biting his bottom lip.

“She’s…. Taking online courses so she can get into screenwriting. I’m trying to get her an intern for an upcoming film I’m working on.” He confesses as if it’s the most taboo thing in the world. “She wanted to surprise Harry by saying she’s coming with us for filming. We just- we don’t know if it’s final yet, so we didn’t want to tell him anything.” Harrison rolls his eyes, almost unsurprised at the predicament. “Well, stop making work seem so unprofessional. Harry can handle time away from his girlfriend if it comes to that.”

“Right. I suppose I should talk to her.”

“And then get her to talk to him, yeah.”

“Kay,” Tom grabs his car keys and a jacket before waving goodbye to Harrison, the door clicking on his way out.

**

You’re not sure how Tom convinced you to go to Paddy’s rugby game, but you’re here nonetheless. You have a jersey on under your cardigan, jeans fitted nicely while you stand with your arms crossed. It’s cold and dark out, so the field lights are on and they’re brighter than light mode on your cell phone.

Tom said he’d meet you here, at the bottom of the bleachers. The game has already started, and while you’re mediocrely cheering with the rest of the crowd, you’re still hyper aware of the fact that you’re alone. When you feel a presence next to you, you realize Tom has taken a stance on your left side, Harry on your right.

With a thick swallow of your dignity and courage, you step closer to Harry. “Do you… wanna talk?”

He chews on his lower lip but nods almost confidently. You shiver as the two of you walk towards a popcorn stand. It’s quiet for a good few moments, beats passing with just the rustling of grass under your shoes.

“I’m… sorry about everything I said. I know you’d never cheat on me.” He’s first to break the silence, rough deep voice cutting the tension and breaking the ice. “I just- I get so insecure whenever you’re with Tom. I don’t feel like a good boyfriend when you’re always with him.”

You can tell he’s sucked in his breath, a sure sign that if he doesn’t compose himself, he’s going to start crying. You take the opportunity to reply.

“I know,” You breathe out. “I was… maybe a little too close to Tom. I just- I didn’t realize, y’know? It seemed like you were fine with it but the dynamic got weird and- I’m just… I’m sorry too. I should’ve tried to… help you with your insecurities instead of doing… what I did.”

He nods, watching his feet take each step. “I missed you.” He confesses it just as the two of you come to a stop in front of the popcorn stand. You lick your lips, breathing out a helpless chuckle.

“I really missed you, too.”

When he takes a step closer, you realize what he’s initiating, and you embrace him strongly, holding him tightly, squeezing him. He inhales your scent, sighing to himself and exhaling in relief to have you back in his arms. You smile against his shoulder, bringing him closer, if possible.

“‘M sorry.” He’s grumbling into you, voice rasping. You can tell he’s a bit emotional, so you squeeze him again, pulling apart to look at him.

“‘S okay.” You smile, bringing his face closer to yours. “We’re okay.” Your fingers are under his chin while he nods, and suddenly, your lips are embracing, kissing sensually just as they have so many times before. He can taste your coconut chapstick, and he smiles into the kiss, hands on your waist gently.

“We’re okay.”