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eroswmorals · 2 months ago

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so i am a certified yapper and so i think im very qualified for this

1. What’s the funniest thing you’ve been caught muttering to yourself?

I have a lot of random phrases, "scalloptastic" is my favorite. Ask my bf, he knows how often I say that unironically. Shit like "aw yea that's just fucking scalloptastic." Also random quotes from media I like, esp Brandon Rogers or Helluva Boss because they have like very outrageous quotes. I dunno, I probably have something funnier but I'm js not remembering.

2. Would you rather always walk backward or talk backward?

Walk backward, personally I like people to understand what I'm yapping about.

3. If you were a pizza topping what would you be?

I'm very partial to banana peppers on my pizza. I don't know if it corresponds to my personality but I can make something up. Uhhh, it's not everyone's favorite topping in fact most people don't really like it but if you put it in your mouth with some sauce and mood lighting, you're in for a great time ;)

4. If you were a kitchen appliance, what would you be and why?

A microwave. They're so cute. And I wanna be cute. Also I have a deep appreciation for microwaves cus we js got a new one after 5 months or so of not having one after my mom broke the old one.

5. What’s the weirdest thing you’ve ever Googled?

Lets see.. lemme check my search history.

Ah, yes.

how to lighten your hair with clorox (don't do it), a random number, and illi mcmillin 3 times cus once wasnt enough

6. If you could swap lives with a celebrity for a day, who would it be, and what would you do?

Misha Collins. I would film myself going balls deep into Jensen Ackles and post it on twitter

7. What’s the most useless thing you know how to do?

The thingie where you wave a pencil so it looks like it's made of rubber

8. Would you rather burp glitter or fart confetti?

Burp glitter. Stay outta my ass.

9. If you had to marry a cartoon character, who would it be?

Hooooo boy. Stolas obv. Or Viktor from arcane.

10. What’s the oddest combination of food you secretly love?

Tzatziki and bbq chips.

11. Is pizza just an open-faced sandwich?

Yes, if you consider whether everything is either a soup or a sandwich, a pizza is obv a sandwich.

12. What’s the weirdest dream you’ve ever had?

OOOH so it was recent actually, I didn't realized I had fallen asleep so the dream was me trying to fall asleep, but every time I tried to move some supernatural force would slam me back into my bed and slam me around, and then I realized I had like a 12 inch dildo (I don't actually) in my closet that I needed to find and get rid of before my parents found it, so I was like being yanked around by this invisible force while sobbing and looking for a 12 inch dildo.

13. What is your favorite song by your least favorite artists?

Hold On by Justin Beiber. Don't ask. It was a banger on the radio a few years back.

14. If you were a ghost, who would you haunt and why?

Atp my self esteem is too low to be overly clingy, so I would kind of just pick a spot to haunt and when people came by I would watch them and maybe knock things over. Unless my dad came by, then I'd torment him dreadfully. And if it was my bf I would also be banging around but it'd be so he'd know I was there.

15. If you had to live in one TV show forever, which one would it be?

Honestly, all of my tv show universes are terrible like some of them literally live in hell. But I suppose I'd live in the supernatural universe because it's realistic-ish

16. Would you rather have a tail or a third eye?

A tail cus I'm a dog

17. Would you rather have a rewind button or a pause button for your life?

REWIND REWIND REWIND OH MY GOD I HAVE SO MANY REGRETS

18. If you were a flavor, which one would you be?

Mint. I need it to live.

19. What’s the most random thing in your wallet or handbag right now?

I have a purse and it has a pair of glasses without the thingies that attach it to your face

20. Do you put salt on your cantaloupe?

Nah.. that's a sweet food I don't fw that

21. Has anything weird or unexplained happened to you?

I mean I'm pretty sure I'm psychic lowkey. I always have like some sort of aching feeling or sense of knowledge abt smth before it happens, and I can very wackily predict things. So one time I was sent outside to wait on the porch while my family set up for my birthday, and I had like this picture of being led into my house by my brother with a dark shroud hood covering his face, and then 1 minute later he came outside with his hood over his face and he was pretending to be all creepy. Nothing happened that would indicate this was gonna happen.

22. What’s the most ridiculous conspiracy theory you kind of believe?

Idk I genuinely 100% believe in aliens

23. Would you rather hiccup nonstop or sneeze nonstop for a day?

Sneeze. I would rather die than hiccup all day.

24. If you could only communicate using one meme, which one would it be?

Spinning blahaj.

25. Try funny questions to ask about being a vegetable, like what vegetable would you be and why?

An eggplant for obvious reasons. (Js kidding I would be brussels sprouts cus theyre yummy with bacon)

26. What kind of stuffed animal did you have when you were little?

A little blue pony that fit in my hands named Magic Pony, a little black and white cat beanie boo that I named Kitty Kitten (I think the beanie boo's name was pepper tho), and a grey ikea cat I named Ameeshka (idk where I got the name from)

27. What’s your most irrational fear?

Does anyone else hate dark bathroom mirrors lol <<< YES I AM AFRAID THERES LIKE SOME SHADOW GUY OR LIKE BLOODY MARY IN THERE

28. If I were to summon you using black magic, what five items would I need at each corner of the pentagram?

Can of monster energy (strawberry, mango, or peach tea rehab will do), spicy pork instant ramen, mint tea, xtra spearmint gum, lube

29. How often do you doodle?

A lot. Like, enough to make my teachers pull me out of class to ask if I'm okay

30. What would your last words be if this was your last day on earth?

Anyone wanna pass the weed?

31. If animals could talk, which one do you think would be the rudest?

Dolphins cus they're evil little perverts

32. If you could only eat one color of food for the rest of your life, what color would it be?

Green cus realistically I could eat healthier and hopefully get my shit together

33. If you could be any inanimate object for a day, what would it be?

A sexy clunky computer with buttons and wires to play with

34. Would you rather always be 10 minutes late or 20 minutes early?

Earliness is the new punctuality

35. What’s the strangest thing you’ve ever seen someone do in public?

Some guy was flashing his ass at the street on my way to my local food lion

36. If you could swap voices with any celebrity, who would it be?

MISHA COLLINS

37. Funny questions to ask about their guilty pleasure song?

Idk,, does it itch your brain?

38. If you could rename yourself, what ridiculous name would you pick?

Probably like something from my cool name list like Mayday or Reverb

39. Would you rather have fingers for toes or toes for fingers?

Fingers for toes so I could be more efficient

40. If you could turn any activity into an Olympic sport, what would you win gold in?

Bed rotting

41. What’s the most awkward situation you’ve ever been in?

Whenever I open my mouth tbh

42. If you were a kitchen utensil, what would you be?

A fork. So I can go what the fork.

43. What’s the most unnecessary thing you’ve ever bought?

A little hat for my cat that she never wore

44. If you had to choose one item to bring to a deserted island, what would it be?

A multi knife...? seems like a pretty good idea

45. What’s something you’ve done that you’re convinced no one else has?

had a really exciting fantasy of mine and then ran around the playground for half of elementary recess while other kids stared at me concerned << me too i gaslit all the girls in my grade too that the fantasy was real and only i knew abt it

46. If animals had jobs, what would your pet’s job be?

My cat would be some fuckass lady of an estate

47. If you could replace all water with one liquid, what would it be?

I wouldn't, I don't wanna kill people

48. What’s the strangest thing you’ve seen someone do in public?

Idrk, get someones ass flashed at me. There's a guy in my neighborhood who unicycles around??

49. If you could invent a new holiday, what awkward tradition would it include?

Everyone grabs a blahaj and dances around it

50. Would you rather be able to teleport or read minds?

Read minds cus I need to know if my anxiety is confirmed and if ppl hate me

51. What’s the funniest Wi-Fi name you’ve ever seen?

"My balls are itchy" <<< that's a good one i havent seen any weird ones

52. If you were in charge of naming planets, what would you name Earth?

Major Disappointment

53. Would you rather give up all items with dairy or gluten?

Dairy I'm like probably lactose intolerant anyway

54. If you could bring one extinct animal back to life, what would it be?

Dodo bird

55. What’s the worst haircut you’ve ever had?

Any time my hair was short tbh

56. Would you rather always have to whisper or always have to shout?

WHISPER I SHOULD NEVER BE ALLOWED TO RAISE MY VOICE EVER I NEED RESTRAINT

57. Funny questions to ask about what their most useless fact is?

I don't understand ahaha

58. If you could be any inanimate object, what would you be and why?

Wasn't this already a question? Uhhm, a little ball jointed posable doll

59. If you were a weather condition, what would you be?

Yk when the sky is grey but it doesnt rain?

My followers of this uh....weird totally not cult (I honestly think I could use a stronger word to describe whatever magnetic pull I have on ya'll) Reblog this :3 and ANSWER >:(

1. What’s the funniest thing you’ve been caught muttering to yourself?

"You don't need a daughter, stole-ass, and I don't need a gun" - Me thinking about Helluva Boss and also Bryce- (I thought of this recently and fucking loved it- God my mind is weird) also the occasional roasting of a random person

2. Would you rather always walk backward or talk backward?

I've walked backwards before. It takes practice but it can actually be pretty fun. I like talking normally, thank you. I'll fall down the stairs I don't care :D

3. If you were a pizza topping what would you be?

Mf this is so corny but I would fr be pepperoni or extra sauce (YES THAT IS A TOPPING IN MY OPINION AND IF I WERE EITHER I'D EAT MYSELF)

4. If you were a kitchen appliance, what would you be and why?

I was gonna say a knife so I could stab misogynistic people but I'll leave it at that...

5. What’s the weirdest thing you’ve ever Googled?

"If a girl dates a girl and her twin brother dates the other girls brother...doesn't that make them all siblings?"

"Aren't the bride and the groom siblings since they have the same parents?"

"If aliens exist why don't they massacre us all"

"am I think or is the other me thinking and if that true can I control my own actions or is other me doing it or is my brain doing it and secretly mind washing me and the other me at the same time?"

6. If you could swap lives with a celebrity for a day, who would it be, and what would you do?

Brandon Rogers :3 And i'd watch season 3 and four of helluva boss and then dress up as Bryce and go out in public tripping people :3

7. What’s the most useless thing you know how to do?

Uh....I was gonna say write in cursive. But I know some really cool pencil tricks- *door sound* WAIT COME BACK IM NOT NEURODIVERGENT I SWEEEEEEA-

8. Would you rather burp glitter or fart confetti?

......Why do you wanna know?

9. If you had to marry a cartoon character, who would it be?

I'd marry spongebob so I have all those holes to myself. Also if we're talking adult cartoons? Easy: Lucifer

Blitz

Fizzie (sorry Oz)

The old version of the Onceler

Grinch :3

10. What’s the oddest combination of food you secretly love?

Chips and cheeseburgers (except they are doritos and I put them in the cheeseburgers)

11. Is pizza just an open-faced sandwich?

No it's circular you dumbass. sandwiches are buns. Pizza is life. Get your definitions straight.

12. What’s the weirdest dream you’ve ever had?

I'm not gonna mention all the details but basically I was terrified of my mom's doll when I was younger cause I thought it was haunted and I had a dream where it tried to kill me (way too many realistic bloody family members for a 7 year old)

13. What is your favorite song by your least favorite artists?

I'm not a swiftie (Don't get me wrong she's a very kind person but I am not overly obsessed with her music) but I do like "Don't Blame Me." old gacha vibes frr.

14. If you were a ghost, who would you haunt and why?

I'd haunt anyone who I knew was going to be doing bad things to other innocent people because I've been through that before and I want to help people if I become a ghost. I'll be a bit sassy but i'll protect the good ones and the gays

15. If you had to live in one TV show forever, which one would it be?

Henry Danger sounds fun :3

16. Would you rather have a tail or a third eye?

A third eye cuz I'm very spiritual and I wanna connect with the deeper parts of myself. A tail would be cool but I wanna see what is out there

17. Would you rather have a rewind button or a pause button for your life?

I don't wanna rewind because what happened to me got me where I am today. And I wouldn't change that no matter what.

18. If you were a flavor, which one would you be?

Vanilla ^^ I'm sweet but iconic ;3

19. What’s the most random thing in your wallet or handbag right now?

bro I'm a minor I don't have a wallet but I have a permit to be sassy :3

20. Do you put salt on your cantaloupe?

Bro I've never eaten cantaloupe wtf is that

21. Has anything weird or unexplained happened to you?

One time at a sleepover with my ex (we were dating at the time) I lost one of my earrings, and three weeks later we broke up. losing or breaking jewelry is a sign of you should let something go or a massive shift in your relationship. So basically something was screaming at me 'it's not going to last long'. Also my friend once told me she was walking to her house after school and she felt something push her back, so she waited...and suddenly a speeding car dashed out of the driveway she was about to walk past, completely SILENT. Something pushed her. There was no wind that day. She would've died if she kept walking

22. What’s the most ridiculous conspiracy theory you kind of believe?

Bigfoot is real and there are multiple of them and they hit trees and make loud noises- Makes since to me and I prefer to call them sasquatches. Also skin walkers are definetly real as well

23. Would you rather hiccup nonstop or sneeze nonstop for a day?

sneeze. I need to fucking eat-

24. If you could only communicate using one meme, which one would it be?

any cat meme :D.

25. Try funny questions to ask about being a vegetable, like what vegetable would you be and why?

Not a vegetable, but a banana. I can do the splits

26. What kind of stuffed animal did you have when you were little?

Had a fucking build a bear one...I loved her to death she smelled like lavender. I think her name was Lily??

27. What’s your most irrational fear?

Does anyone else hate dark bathroom mirrors lol

28. If I were to summon you using black magic, what five items would I need at each corner of the pentagram?

a Bryce Tankthrust smut fanfic (no typing errors, include bobby, make sure the reading includes my name instead of y/n- keeps my attention)

a can of soda

Mr. Big :3

Lgbt rings

and a gigantic dick shaped chicken nugget

29. How often do you doodle?

too much for an isane person honestly

30. What would your last words be if this was your last day on earth?

"I would like to thank all the lovely people that got me here today. My self hatred, my depression, and my 3rd grade health teacher. Go fuck yourselves in hell, bitch."

31. If animals could talk, which one do you think would be the rudest?

Dolphins because the swear sound is always covered with that in spongebob. Also penguins (....Watch the helluva boss shorts)

32. If you could only eat one color of food for the rest of your life, what color would it be?

Bro food coloring exists. taste the damn rainbow.

33. If you could be any inanimate object for a day, what would it be?

A chair so I could scare the shit out of people by kicking them with one of my four legs and also specifically a classroom chair so whenever a chair is left empty I could just fucking run out of the classroom screaming: FREEDOMMMM

34. Would you rather always be 10 minutes late or 20 minutes early?

Mom always said being 30 minutes early is better than being 45 hours late.

35. What’s the strangest thing you’ve ever seen someone do in public?

When I was 10 some 4 year old ran past me screaming 'fuck' like he had just lost a poker game that would have changed his life.

36. If you could swap voices with any celebrity, who would it be?

Markiplier's voice is so soothing tho...

37. Funny questions to ask about their guilty pleasure song?

What rhytmical proccesing stream do you constantly bang your ear drums to

38. If you could rename yourself, what ridiculous name would you pick?

bitch_ur_hot so someone would call me in class and I would say: I know

39. Would you rather have fingers for toes or toes for fingers?

fingers for toes so I could write with my toes and brag about it

40. If you could turn any activity into an Olympic sport, what would you win gold in?

....Drinking soda honestly :D.

41. What’s the most awkward situation you’ve ever been in?

One of my neighbors was walking in front of me and two others were behind me at a distance, and one of them waved so I waved back and then I realized he was waving at her.....I never walked to the bus stop again

42. If you were a kitchen utensil, what would you be?

Once again, knife....I wanna feel those juices all over me hehehe ;)

43. What’s the most unnecessary thing you’ve ever bought?

More notebooks cuz I already have 42 unfinished

44. If you had to choose one item to bring to a deserted island, what would it be?

my computer with full bars of wifi that never died

45. What’s something you’ve done that you’re convinced no one else has?

had a really exciting fantasy of mine and then ran around the playground for half of elementary recess while other kids stared at me concerned

46. If animals had jobs, what would your pet’s job be?

He'd be a Mafia boss. His targets would be fucking everyone who messes with me. First starting with his grandma

47. If you could replace all water with one liquid, what would it be?

apple juice :3

48. What’s the strangest thing you’ve seen someone do in public?

Some old guy was riding a bike on the highway

49. If you could invent a new holiday, what awkward tradition would it include?

saying I am gay 69 times (even if you are straight) while clicking your feet and then kissing the same gender, and then the baby is born :3

50. Would you rather be able to teleport or read minds?

Read minds so i'll know if I'm getting murdered or lied to :3

51. What’s the funniest Wi-Fi name you’ve ever seen?

"My balls are itchy"

52. If you were in charge of naming planets, what would you name Earth?

bisexual green goblin

53. Would you rather give up all items with dairy or gluten?

Gluten. Love my dairy shit

54. If you could bring one extinct animal back to life, what would it be?

Wooly mammoth :3 (Also my happiness)

55. What’s the worst haircut you’ve ever had?

I cut my hair when I was younger without telling my mom and it was all spiky for weeks.

56. Would you rather always have to whisper or always have to shout?

shouting sounds fun :3

57. Funny questions to ask about what their most useless fact is?

We know you are already full of shit, but is your memory the same?

58. If you could be any inanimate object, what would you be and why?

a water dispenser so I could start a massive flood in the houses of my enemies and they could never blame me >:)

59. If you were a weather condition, what would you be?

"Gloomy with a thunder of horniness"

@kage-meows-around, @eroswmorals, @fandomsfan1, @xking-george-iiix

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he4rts-f0r-evang3line · 2 years ago

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random hobie brown headcanons!

all will be sfw the nsfw/spicy ones will be in pink

trying real hard not to delete this acc and kms bc of a sudden trigger

also this won't be proofread because im in the middle of a mental breakdown

he always looks for you when he performs

he's not the jealous "i show everyone who is my lover" type, more like the subtle "let's go" kind in crowded places to yk do unholy things

also small public demonstrations of affection <3 <3

like holding hands, putting his hand on your waist when you walk, small kisses both on your cheek and on your lips, small notes when he wakes up earlier than you since he's yk a spider man

he gave you one of his very own spike bracelets which i feel would be really dear to him

prob made you one esp for you

no matter how your styles differ he will still find a way to have something that reminds him of you on him whether it's a badge, a hair clip or even rings

taking you to the piercer as a first date!!

despite him being an anarchist he's actually very caring

you're sick? fuck capitalism he will make you his own medicine with some of his teas

unrelated but i feel like he's Jamaican or smth wait lemme check

ok i didn't find anything but ill js hc him as jamaican

so like yea when you're sick he makes you jamaican medicine

"take this shortcake! i know it doesn't seem yummy but i promise you'll feel better in a snap after!

you did feel better in a snap

(for fem aligned readers) when you're on your period he turns into the sweetest man ever

sometimes the two of you meet after his concerts - even though that's smth really important for him he makes sure you know you're his actual priority- you go on a rooftop and he tells you about his parents

feeling dysphoric because you're transmasc and on your period ? he makes sure you're the most handsome person he ever knew

when the two of you are doing it, he always makes sure he has your consent before trying anything new - or even before trying anything at all

he's not afraid to admit he's in love with you and he treats you like ROYALTY

you like this specific song? he'll post you to this song and even write love songs for you. remember that specific cat café you mentioned three months ago? he'll bring you there for your birthday.

going nonverbal and being overstimulated? that's no problem for him he'll sit with you in the dark in silence until you feel better.

THIS MAN IS A MAN OF AFTERCARE "you did so well for me darling <3 now what about we get some sweets and cuddle under the stars?"

he's a top most of the but yk he secretly lives when you're in control

HICKEYS HICKEYS HICKEYS ALL OVER YOUR BODY esp on your neck and in between your thighs

speaking of thighs whenever you feel insecure he turns into your girl best friend

having big thighs ? it's more comfy for when he has his head on his lap. big boobs?more comfy for cuddling. no/small boobs? it's ok clothes fit more easily. the list goes on but he always cheers you up.

UNLABELLED THEY/HE HOBIE‼️‼️‼️‼️

p sure he love when you ride him

like you're on top of him in some way but he somehow keeps control

probably likes to asset his dominance by putting a hand around your neck (wdym i don't have a choke kink i do)

BUT HE ALWAYS MAKES SURE YOURE OK THAT MAKES HIM LITTEALLY SM HOTTER OMG

he's always down for ditching class but he somehow has the best grades

which upsets you bc you're the one who always want to ditch class but your grades ain't following

omg it's giving academical rivals au

so like he sometimes comes at your place to help you w the subjects you have trouble with

eventually you end up pinned down on your desk passionately kissing

+ seeing you in a school uniform makes him go feral

fucking you in your school skirt? boy he sure is turned on

quickies in the school's bathroom ? man he loves danger so he's obviously down

+ he loves the way kissing you makes his piercing feel (idk but if i had healed piercings on my lips id love the way it'd feel)

SLOW BURN MAKE OUT SESSION IN THE RAIN

can you tell i love rain? bc i do

he makes sure you feel loved and says it to everyone he knows

"hey that's (reader's name) did you know they're my partner i love them sm"

he notices small habits and picks them up when he misses you (idk how to explain bit for example i sometimes twitch my nose because of my allergies- in that case if you did he would too)

HIGH PATTERN RECOGNITION even though he won't force you to tell him why you feel bad he instantly notices the changes in your behavior

"can you repeat, darling? i didn't hear what you said"

he makes sure you use your words despite you being overstimulated

+ his hands. they make you go crazy.

he's actually a lonely guy, give this poor man a big hug :(

no but fr tho he went through sm his backstory made me cry

OK bit of a vent now🕺🏻 but first tysm for reading ily ! <3 /p

i suddenly lost all motivation to post full fics bc i keep comparing me to others, most well known posters and it really triggers me so i guess i'll make the lonely series go on a hiatus. also working on requests! but it's getting harder to not kms bc of the pressure im putting on myself 🫠

anyhoo, kaheri there,back to dreamland! see you in the next dream! (new outro who dis?)

#x reader #atsv hobie #hobie brown #hobie brown smut #hobie brown x reader #kaheri's chronicles #headcanons #hobie x reader #hobie spiderverse #hobie x you #gender neutral reader #queer writers #writers on tumblr #writers and poets

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mah33n · 2 years ago

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Hi Maheen!! I'm sorry for being super socially awkward, but as an attempt to know you better could I ask you a few questions? (If you feel uncomfortable or don't want to I totally get it <3 [I really hope I dont seem like a bot])

• What's your favorite color?

• What's your favorite mythological creature/creature from a book?

• What song hits you in the feels every time you hear it?

• What is your favorite possession?

• Who is your favorite book character of ALL TIME? (You can totally pick more than one)

HII SORRY FOR THE LATE RESPONSE IVE JUST BEEN SO BUSY THESE PAST FEW DAYS

dw you’re not awkward and I appreciate the wanting to get to know me better bc like same but I literally cannot bring myself to ask my mutuals questions 😭😭

Lemme stop rambling and answer these now

• Honestly my absolute favourite colour is Emerald Green but a few have come close to beating it (none ever did though); Purple, Marlee (aka @spaceagebachelormann ), and the lovely colour Pink

• I’d genuinely have to say a fairy because idk what it is about them that’s so pure and exquisite but I just love the concept of them.

Dragons are cool too

• ugh honestly I’m gonna have to make a post for this bc like I’ve sm but just to name one of them, Reflections by The Neighbourhood

• My tiny green pillow I got many moons ago, I love it so much I still remember the day I got it and somehow I just got attached to it tbh — I love simple things like that. Probably gonna have to make a post for this too bc like I’ve a couple special fav possessions

• Kazzle Dazzle (Kaz Brekker from Six Of Crows), Sadie Hunter from Sadie, Keefe Sencen from The Keeper Of The Lost Cities, Aaron Warner from Shatter Me, Ravi Singh and Pippa Fitz-Amobi from AGGGTM, Literally everyone from the maze runner except gally and Teresa (I don’t mind them but js bc like idk)

and there’s more bc im literally a compulsive reader

#not me saying that while being in a reading slump #maheentalksalot #maheenslovelymoots #autumn. ♫

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goldenraeofsun · 5 years ago

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the best day with you

Part of this verse!

Dean taps Claire on the shoulder. “You got plans for this weekend?”

Claire twists on their couch to see him and sets aside her laptop. With narrowed eyes full of suspicion, she grabs the remote and mutes Dr. Sexy. “Why?”

“Because.”

“Because why?”

Dean rolls his eyes. This is why he became a teacher. To help teenagers. Not to strangle them for sassing him to his face. Sure, Claire might be a sophomore in college now, and she’s not really a teenager anymore, but Dean’s never going to see her as anything but an angsty junior in high school. Especially if she keeps up the this attitude. Dean says, as evenly as he can, “Because I want to do something with you.”

Claire grimaces. “Really? Don’t you have other boring old man friends to do things with? Like, for instance, your boyfriend?”

“No,” Dean says. “Cas is going to visit Gabriel in LA this week.”

“And you chose to stay behind with me instead?” Claire says, her eyebrows rising to her hairline.

“Yes.”

“Are you dying?”

“What?” Dean gapes. “No!”

Claire squints at him. “Are you hoping I can score drugs for you?”

Dean rolls his eyes. “I can get my own drugs, thanks. It’s one of the perks of being a real live adult.”

“Do you need money?”

“If I did,” Dean starts incredulously, “why would I ask a broke college student?”

“I don’t know,” Claire says with a shrug. “Dementia? That kicks in about now for you, right?”

Dean’s mouth falls open. “I’m barely thirty-four!”

Claire shrugs. “Alzheimers?”

“That’s a kind of dementia,” Dean tells her flatly. He runs a hand down his face. “Look, are you free or not, kid?”

Dean is pretty sure she doesn’t have plans, judging by the way she’s religiously camped out on their couch for the past two weeks straight. She's abandoned her spot only to go to the bathroom, eat meals, and, on one memorable occasion, visit her parents for Sunday dinner. The living room her space now - which is fine with him, Dean’s been doing his summer school grading at the kitchen table. Along with her computer, Claire’s got the coding handbook Charlie Frankenstien-ed for her out of a bunch of different documents, probably all downloaded and printed illegally. On the television, she cycles through daytime soaps and CW evening dramas.

Claire grins. “On Saturday or something? Yeah.”

He rolls his eyes. “Was that so hard?”

“No, but it was fun.”

“Anyone ever tell you you’re a handful?” Dean says as he turns to head back into the kitchen. Lunch wasn’t going to make itself, and Cas was due back any minute from his errands.

“Just my parents, every day from age thirteen to eighteen,” Claire says casually as she reaches for the remote to resume Dr. Sexy.

Dean freezes. “Hey,” he starts, not really sure where he’s going with this.

“What?” Claire snaps as if annoyed, but her face is guarded.

“Your parents were asshats, you know that?” Dean says. “They shouldn’t have done that to you.”

“Yeah, well, you know what they say about family,” Claire mutters as she turns up Dr. Sexy.

In the middle of her junior year of high school, Claire moved in with Cas for about six months.

Early in the year, she had an explosive argument with her parents about transferring from their preferred private school to Edlund High. She also came out to them.

Dean has the sneaking suspicion Claire doesn’t think she had it that bad. Her parents didn’t hit her. They didn’t kick her out. They didn’t even stop giving her her allowance. But they didn’t talk to her for days on end. They ignored her until she needed something from them, or the other way around. By Christmas, Claire had had enough. She left.

Back then, Dean told Claire her parents were in the wrong as many times as she would let him - which wasn’t many.

Cas took the lead with her, instead. She was his family. He found her a therapist and encouraged her to make friends at Edlund. Dean didn’t really feel like it was his place. She was Cas’s niece, and Dean was the guy who stayed over a couple times a week when she was crashing there too. And then he became her teacher when the transfer to Edlund became official. Still, she wouldn’t consider him family.

“My uncle always said, ‘family don’t end in blood,’” Dean tells her seriously.

Claire slumps back on the couch. “Right,” she says dully.

Dean takes a step back, rubbing his neck as he swallows down his next few words. He’s not about to give a heartfelt lecture on family and healthy boundaries to someone who’s going to grumble and groan through it. He jerks his head towards the kitchen. “I’ll get started on-”

Claire interrupts, “But that’s not grammatically correct. Aren’t you an English teacher? Who gave you a license to teach?”

Dean snorts. “Just think about it, will you?”

“Uh huh,” Claire waves him off. “If you’re going to the kitchen, can you make me a sandwich?”

Dean rolls his eyes. “Yes, Your Majesty. Cas finished off the strawberry jelly while he was grading essays last night, so you’re gonna have to settle for grape.”

Claire makes a face but nods. Dean’s almost at the kitchen door when she asks, “Your uncle, was he really your uncle?”

Dean shakes his head. “Not by blood. He was a good friend of my dad’s. But he was as good as family - better than, sometimes.” He swallows. Bobby’s been gone two years now. Dean had thought the grief when his dad passed was bad, but it was a whole other beast with Bobby.

Claire squints at him, looking so much like Cas Dean can’t help the warm feeling in his chest. “This is your show, right?” she asks out of the blue, gesturing to the television.

Dean blinks. “Yeah?”

And that’s how Cas finds them ten minutes later, eating PB&Js on the couch, watching Dr. Sexy - with Claire skewering every characterization and costume choice, and Dean defending Dr. Sexy’s cowboy boots with his life.

* * *

“Minigolf, really?” Claire asks as they pull into the parking lot on a bright Saturday afternoon. The early-summer temperatures are already high enough to make Dean sweat in the Impala, and Claire’s shorts could double as bikini bottoms, they’re so small.

She adds, “You realize I have a fake ID and we could probably go to a bar or something.”

“One,” Dean says as he slams the car door shut, “minigolf is a classic American pastime. Much better for your liver than drinking. And B, don’t ever tell Cas about that fake.”

Claire clambers out of the car. “I’m not an idiot.”

“Just making sure,” Dean says airily as he starts walking. He holds out his hand as she jobs to catch up to him. “Lemme see it.”

“Why?” she asks suspiciously as she digs for her wallet in her purse and fishes the ID out.

“Nice job,” Dean says as he holds it up to the sunlight shining overhead. “Ash?”

Claire stops short, surprised. “What?”

“Did Ash do this one?” Dean asks. “Come on,” he tells her as he nudges her shoulder to keep her moving out of the middle of the parking lot. “Nobody else does ‘em this good.”

“How do you know that?” Claire demands.

Dean laughs. “I told you I can get my own drugs.”

“Ash deals too?” Claire asks, looking hopeful.

Dean leans over to ruffle her hair. “His dope is a little out of your price range, squirt.”

“Hey!” Claire squawks as she tries to smooth everything back into place. “And nobody calls it ‘dope’ any more, you doof.”

Dean grins. “Yeah, I know.”

They enter the main building and get in line to rent the putters. It smells strongly of sunblock and worn down parental patience. A few parents wait ahead of them, all older than Dean with kids younger than Claire. A group of high schoolers are inspecting a row of putters on display on the far wall. Through the windows to the back, Dean can see a splendid display of mostly-intact astroturf and course obstacles with sun-faded paint.

The guy behind the counter is wearing an obnoxiously bright shirt and smile. “Hiya,” he says cheerily as they step up to the counter, “I’m Garth, welcome!”

“Two adults please,” Claire says quickly, like she knows Dean was going to ask for a kid’s ticket to mess with her.

“You got it,” Garth says as he bends down to grab two putters. “The bathrooms are by Hole 7, and if you want to grab lunch across the way at Fenris’s Diner, show them your receipt and you’ll get 15% off.”

Dean steps forward with his wallet. “Do you know if they have pie?”

Garth smiles wider, showing even more teeth, which Dean didn’t think was possible. “You bet! The best darn cherry pie I’ve ever tasted.”

“Awesome,” he says. “Thanks, man.”

“Thank you!” Garth says as he rings them up. “And good luck on the course!”

* * *

Dean is uncomfortably sweaty by Hole 2, and Claire piles her hair on top of her head in a messy bun to cool off her neck halfway through Hole 4.

“Swing batter, batter, swing!” Dean shouts from right behind her as she hits the ball at Hole 6.

Claire glares at him as her ball knocks against the windmill blade and skips off to the side. “That’s for baseball, idiot.”

“But you still missed,” Dean points out as he sidles up to tee. “So does it really matter? Hey!” She kicks him in the ankle as he strikes at the ball. “You cheater,” he gasps dramatically.

“So what?” Claire asks, putter swinging ominously at her side, “You gonna tell on me?”

Dean frowns. “No, but I won't buy you any pie when this is all over.” He keeps his eyes peeled for an opportunity to mess with her as she takes another stab at the windmill.

“Fine with me. I like cake better.”

Dean raises his head to gape at her. “Seriously?”

Claire throws him a funny look. “Does it matter?”

Dean’s mouth works furiously. “You ate the last slice of pumpkin pie at Thanksgiving two years ago.”

Claire’s eyebrows climb to her hairline as she leans against the windmill and watches him take another stab at it. “You remember that?”

Dean hardly watches where his ball goes. “Of course I do.”

Jimmy and Amelia had elected to have Thanksgiving at Cas’s mother’s place. Cas, whose frosty relationship with his mother wasn’t helped by her dismissive attitude towards Claire, hosted a separate Thanksgiving at the (then) new house he shared with Dean. Sam and Jess flew in from California, and Claire was, of course, invited too. They were having a fucking blast, until Claire stole the last slice of pie right out from under Dean’s nose.

Claire snickers under her breath. “You’re so weird.”

Dean glares. “I called dibs.”

“I seriously have no idea what you’re talking about, McMurphy,” Claire says, the liar. She crouches to get a better look at the windmill.

Dean tries to suppress his smile. “Was that a One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest reference?”

Claire rolls her eyes. “I paid attention in your class, you know. Even if you gave me an A-minus.”

Dean grins. “But you got a 5 on the AP Exam.”

Claire does a little jig as her ball falls into the hole.

* * *

“What the fuck?” Dean howls as his ball stops just short of Hole 9. Parents chaperoning a group of five kids at Hole 10 glare daggers at him.

Claire laughs uproariously. “Sucks to suck, old man.”

“Hey!” Dean glowers as she sinks a hole in one.

“What’s that?” Claire holds her putter up in victory. “Did you see that? Did that go in the hole? I wasn’t watching. Did the ball go in the hole?”

“Shut up, kid,” Dean grumbles as Claire smirks. “It wasn’t funny the first time.” He concentrates on his next shot. God help him if he fucks up with his ball barely half a foot from the hole.

One of the toddlers at Hole 10 lets out an ear-splitting shriek, and Dean’s ball skips off in the direction of Hole 13.

Claire doubles over laughing.

“Yeah, yeah,” Dean grumbles as he sidesteps her to go fetch it, “Like you would’ve done any better.”

“I just did. Or did you miss my hole in one?” Claire asks from right behind him.

“I’m hungry,” Dean declares.

“Okay…?” Claire squints at him.

Dean nods to a hotdog stand by Hole 14. “Whaddya say to a dog?”

“Mystery meat at a roadside attraction that hasn’t been renovated since ‘97? Sign me up,” Claire says sarcastically.

Dean claps her on the back, just a shade too hard. “That’s the spirit.”

She stumbles but doesn't fall - exactly Dean’s plan - and glares at him. “If I get E. coli, it’s your fault.”

Once hotdogs are in hand, they sit and eat on a worn bench that’s more chipped paint than bench, facing a dinky little fountain. A few pennies glint dully from at bottom, almost obscured by the bright midday sunlight reflecting off the surface of the water.

“So,” Claire says after she takes her first bite. “You wanna tell me what this is all about?”

“What?”

“This whole distant dad trying to reconnect with his kid routine,” Claire says.

“I - I’m not your dad,” Dean stutters, face heating.

“Duh. Dad was more of Church retreat guy.” She leans back on the bench, stretching out her legs, and tilts her face up to catch more sun. “I would’ve had a better time if there was no singing and 100% more hitting things.”

Dean asks haltingly, “So you don’t think this is weird?”

“What hanging out with you?” Claire asks, her smile guileless. “I heard elder enrichment is important to prevent cognitive decline, so I’m just doing my duty.” She laughs at his disappointed frown. “Relax. This has been… great.”

“Really?”

Claire finishes off her hotdog and balls up the aluminum foil wrapper. “Yeah. Don’t let it go to your head.”

Dean gets up to put her trash and his in the garbage and manages to stow his broad smile before he gets back.

* * *

“Hole in one!” Dean crows at Hole 15.

“Do you want a gold star?” Claire snarks as she tees up.

“Shut up.”

Claire swings, and they both watch as her ball deftly navigates around the bumps and turns to sink neatly into the hole.

Dean’s smile falls off his face as Claire jumps around in victory. “Lucky shot,” he tells her as they troop to Hole 16.

“Uh huh,” Claire says. “And that makes, what seven lucky shots for me? And how many holes in one have you had?”

At the next hole, they have to wait for the large family ahead of them to finish up.

“Oh my god,” Claire mutters as one of the parents demonstrates how to properly swing the putter for the youngest child, “it’s minigolf. Not the Olympics.”

“I know, right?” Dean says in an undertone. “Who cares how she hits the ball? If she wants to bowl it down the course, let her.”

“Seriously, who gives a fuck?”

“I bet she’s gonna scream before they’re done with the lesson.”

“What?”

“Water works in 5… 4… 3…”

They wait with bated breath as, sure enough, the child sits down in the middle of the course and wails. She refuses to even touch the putter.

“How did you know that was gonna happen?” Claire asks as the family moves on. She eyes him critically. “High schoolers aren’t the tantrum type.”

“Shows what you know,” Dean snorts. No matter the point of spending today with Claire, he wasn’t about to tell her how he became an expert in toddler care. Christ, he can still remember the sticky feeling of Sammy’s vomit all over his front when he cried so hard he puked. Dean’s crime? Telling Sammy his favorite blanket needed to be washed. Dean hadn’t even taken it away yet.

Dean tells Claire instead, “I’ve seen more meltdowns over bad essay grades than I’d like. And it’s not like I can say, well, you should have read the damn book, Ava.”

“You wouldn’t say something like that,” Claire says as she bends down to set up her ball.

“Of course not,” Dean rolls his eyes, “that makes it worse.”

Claire straightens. “No, I’m saying, you would probably ask her why she didn’t have the time to read the book; if she’s tried the audiobook instead; if you should talk to Mr. Lafitte for her since she spent too long on Algebra and didn’t get to your homework.” She shrugs, meeting his eyes briefly. “You would do something like that.”

Dean blinks because she’s got him exactly right. He’s a firm believer that there’s no such thing as a lazy student. There are unmotivated students; there are students with undiagnosed ADHD or dyslexia; and there are anxious and/or depressed students. Hell, there are students with side-jobs, bills to pay, and little brothers to look after.

“Yeah,” he agrees, discomfited. Claire was his student for one year, but her presence in class was kind of eclipsed by her rocky home life. In senior year, she was back with her parents, but she also caught up regularly with Cas. In class, she faded into the background - Kaia’s blonde shadow. Cas’s stories provided Dean with more insight than any discussion on The Plot Against America ever did.

“All the seniors loved you,” Claire says. “Max Banes would’ve slept with you if he could.”

Dean hits his ball right into the mini sand pit. “What?”

Claire smirks. “You didn’t know?”

“No!”

“Uncle Cas was right, you are oblivious,” Claire says as she whacks her ball straight into the hole.

“Hey,” Dean says, but the protest is weak. “Cas wasn’t much better.”

Claire grins. “No one’s arguing that.” She waits until Dean’s mid-swing to say, “Max would’ve slept with Uncle Cas too - which, gross.”

“Dammit, Claire!”

* * *

“Okay,” Claire says as they walk away from Hole 18. “I’m gonna need to sit in AC for at least forty-five minutes.”

They’ve been out in the sun for nearly two hours now. Dean pulls his damp shirt away from his stomach with a grimace. “You down for pie?”

“Sure,” Claire says gratefully as they leave minigolf behind them.

In the diner, the air conditioning hits them like a bucket of cold water to the face. Claire throws herself into the first both they see as Dean troops off to relieve himself in the bathroom. He checks his phone - one grumpy text from Cas about Gabriel’s inappropriate choice of swimwear for a hotel pool - and exits with a smile on his face.

Back at the booth, Claire is twirling a lock of blonde hair around her finger, smiling coyly up at the waitress from lowered lashes. But Claire's inviting expression flips off like a switch as Dean drops down into the opposite seat.

The waitress’ own sunny smile takes on a distinctly plastic sheen at his arrival. “Hello!” she chirps as Dean picks up the menu. “Is there anything I can get you besides water?”

“Can I get a coke?” Dean asks the waitress - Maggie, according to her nametag. She’s tall, probably taller than Claire, and dark-haired. She seems around Claire's own age, so Dean would bet she’s only working here as a summer job.

Claire is still glaring daggers at him, so Dean asks, partly to be a dick, “And what’re you getting, Claire?”

“Water,” she says through gritted teeth.

“A coke and a water, please,” Dean says cheerfully to Maggie.

She bobs a nod and casts a lingering look at Claire. “I’ll be right back to take your order.”

Claire kicks him under the table as she disappears into the kitchen. “You couldn’t have waited another five minutes?” she hisses “I was just about to get her number.”

Dean grins. “My bad.”

“Now she thinks I’m here with my dad or something.” Claire crosses her arms across her chest.

Dean rolls his eyes. “You call me an old man, but I’m, what, twelve years older than you? We’re more likely to be on a date.”

Claire’s flat-out horrified face is enough to make Dean’s week. He’s still laughing as Maggie makes a return, one water and one Coca Cola in tow.

“So what can I get you both?” Maggie asks as she reaches for her pad and pen.

“One slice of cherry pie, thanks,” Dean says brightly.

“Nothing for me,” Claire mumbles.

Maggie looks from Claire to Dean and back again. “One cherry pie,” she confirms slowly. “Should I bring out two forks?”

Over Dean’s fresh bout of laughter, Claire says loudly, “We’re not together!”

Maggie blinks a few times, and Dean can’t tell if she’s more shocked by his reaction or Claire’s. “Okay.”

As she leaves, Claire buries her head in her hands. Her voice is muffled by her hands and hair, but Dean can make out, “This is all your fault.”

“How?” Dean asks as he sucks on his straw. “It’s not my fault if you’ve got no game, kid.”

Claire slumps onto the table. “I used to.”

“Stalking doesn't count as ‘game’ or else Cas and me would have gotten together way before we did,” Dean says sagely.

Still face-down on the table, Claire flips him the bird.

“Have you spoken to Kaia lately?”

Claire doesn’t move for a long moment. When she finally raises her head, her expression is pinched. “Not since Spring Break last year. She was doing good, I guess.”

Awkwardly, Dean says, “It’s okay if you’re still hung up on her.”

Claire waves his assurances away. “It’s been a whole fucking year."

Dean sighs. “These things can take time. You were with her while a lot was going on in your life, and she was there for you through all of it. Just ’cause you're young doesn’t mean it meant less. But if you want to move on, sometimes you don’t have to wait until you’re 100% ready.”

“Thanks, Senpai.”

Maggie approaches carrying a large slice of cherry pie.

“Here you go,” Maggie says as she sets the plate down. “Anything else I can get you?”

“Nothing for me,” Dean butts in before Claire can get a word in edgewise, “But Claire, here, would like your number.”

Maggie goes bright red.

“Dean,” Claire hisses, completely mortified. “What the fuck?” She turns to Maggie. “Forget what he said. He’s a moron who doesn't know what he’s talking about.”

Maggie glances to Dean before settling back on Claire. “So… you don’t want it?”

Claire splutters, “I - no - yes, but not if-” She takes a breath, clearly trying to compose herself. “Yes, I would like your number. But not because he said so.”

“You don’t have to decide now.” Dean fishes out his wallet and takes out a five. “It won’t affect your tip,” he says with a wink as he shoves the bill under the napkin dispenser.

Maggie bites her lip. “I’ll think about it.”

Once Maggie’s left, Claire leans over the table and punches Dean, hard, in the arm. “Oh my god, are you actually braindead?”

“Hey, watch the pie!” Dean yanks his plate closer, out of Claire’s line of fire.

“What on earth possessed you to do that?” Claire demands.

Dean eyes his pie, planning his perfect plan of attack. “You needed a push in the right direction.”

Claire’s eyes flash. “I don’t need your help.”

“Tough luck, because you got it anyway,” Dean says with a shrug as portions off his first bite. “You’re only here for the summer. You don’t have the time to pine from across the softball field for a whole season.”

Claire frowns, saying warily, “I know Maggie isn’t Kaia.”

Dean points his fork, dripping with pie filling at her face. “So you gotta try a new strategy.”

“How?”

“Well, get yourself a capable wingman, for starters,” Dean says around his next bite of pie.

“Who? You?” Claire asks incredulously.

“Probably not,” Dean says, shuddering at the thought. He’d intervened with Maggie because was fucking funny as hell to see Claire get Cas-levels of awkward, but scoping out any more romantic prospects for Claire makes him feel sleazy. “I’m more of a pinch hitter.”

“What?”

“You really didn’t pay attention to a single softball game, did you?” Dean says, almost impressed.

Claire glares.

“They’re the guys called in last minute to fill in for a batter,” Dean says. He shovels the last bit of pie into his mouth, saying, “Did you keep in touch with Krissy?”

Claire shakes her head. “They were all Kaia’s friends first, so…”

“She got them in the divorce?” Dean says sympathetically.

Claire nods, her expression darkening.

“I know she’s back home for the summer too, taking care of her dad,” Dean says. “I bet she could use someone to hang with - if you ever get bored coding from our couch. Data entry for Charlie can’t be that exciting. Don’t tell her I said that.”

Claire rolls her eyes. “You don’t need to set up playdates for me, Dean.”

Dean shrugs. “Suit yourself. But none of Krissy’s other friends are back home - Josephine’s abroad, and the rest of ‘em are staying in their college towns.”

“I’ll think about it.”

Dean nods. That’s probably as good as he’ll ever get with Claire - she’s not the type to gratefully accept help. She’s more likely to complain to his face while going behind his back and doing it anyway. Which, fine, if it gets Claire out of their apartment and out of her funk.

On their way out, Maggie leaves her number on their receipt.

* * *

Claire slams the Impala door shut and relaxes in the passenger seat. “Well that was fun,” she says sarcastically as Dean twists around to pull out of the parking lot without mowing down an unfortunate 1999 Toyota Camry. “Let’s do that again soon.”

“Really?” Dean asks. At her blank stare, he adds, “I never know with you. Did you really have a good time?”

She fiddles with her seatbelt, biting her lip. “I won’t say this again, so cherish this moment: today was not the worst day I’ve ever had.” She huffs out a long breath. “It was almost fun, if you forget that shit in the diner.”

Dean laughs. “I’ll take it, I guess.” He taps his fingers against the wheel as he waits for an opening in traffic to merge onto the highway. “I’m glad.”

“Me too,” Claire mutters, so low he can barely hear her.

Dean lets the noise of the road take over for a few minutes: the reassuring rattling of the toy soldiers in the back air vent; his baby’s engine purring like a dream; the low ambient hum of her tires carrying them across miles of pavement.

Once he’s as calm as he’s gonna get, he says, “I have a question for you.”

Claire shoots him a look. “It’s not like I’m going anywhere.”

Dean shouldn’t have bothered asking. She really is incapable of being anything other than a teenager.

“I’m thinking of asking Cas to marry me,” Dean says quickly. As Claire absorbs his words, his heart kicks up to double-time, hammering away in his chest. “Would you be okay with that?”

“Why are you asking me?” Her eyebrows are drawn together in that same furrow that Cas always has whenever a student stumps him with a question.

“Because you’re his family.” He’s honestly surprised he has to say this part out loud.

“Shouldn’t you be asking Grandmother instead?” Claire asks.

Dean shakes his head. “Cas doesn’t care about her opinion - or Jimmy’s.”

Claire takes another long moment to think that over. “So… are you, what, asking my permission?”

“Yep.”

“To marry my uncle.”

Dean shoots her a look. “I really don’t think the concept is that hard to understand.” Claire’s a smart kid. She’s probably drawing it out on purpose.

“Yeah, but -” Claire breaks off, “It’s weird, though.”

Dean rolls his eyes. “You literally called me a weird old man yesterday.”

“But… not this weird.”

“It’s a yes or no question, Claire,” Dean reminds her testily.

Claire waves him off. “I mean, yes, obviously, but what the hell?” Her eyes narrow, accusatory. “Is this why you made me do this weird bonding thing with you today?”

“I -” Dean stutters. “I didn’t make you-”

“It is!” Claire crows. “Were you thinking about it for all 18 holes?”

“No,” Dean says shortly.

“I don’t believe you.” Claire grins. “Were you nervous?”

“No.”

“Yeah, I’m calling BS again. You gotta work on that poker face.” She sits back in her seat, her smugness practically radiating off her in waves.

Dean has the strangest urge to hug her.

Claire lets her hair fall over her face as she picks at her nails. “Just so you know,” she starts in an undertone, “I know it was you who convinced Uncle Cas to take me in. Back in high school.”

“Cas wanted to be there for you,” Dean says quickly, “He just didn’t know how. Honestly,” he says with a laugh, “Cas was scared he’d piss you off more, and then where would you go?”

“Really?” Claire asks, surprised.

Dean nods. “The guy is a great teacher, but he’s not great with kids if there isn’t a desk between them, you know? He's been working on it, though. Having you around taught him a lot.”

“That makes sense,” Claire says, almost to herself. “Anyway, I’ve only really known Uncle Cas while you were together. It’d be more weird if you didn’t get married.”

Dean doesn’t bother turning on the turn signal as he pulls over to the side of the road.

“What the-?” Claire starts, twisting in her seat to look out the window. “Why’d you - oof.”

Dean wraps his arms around her, squeezing tightly.

“Ugh,” she groans, “You smell.” But she hugs him back anyway.

#fanfic #supernatural fanfic #profoundnet #offscreen destiel #established destiel #claire novak #dean winchester #snark #banter #so much snark and banter #destiel fanfic #destiel #the story of us verse #rae writes fic

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justkpopjokes · 6 years ago

Text

Nice to Meet You, Angel. || Demon!Joshua

Ft. Joshua/Jisoo(s Chri—actually no, the complete opposite)

Anon: Demon Joshua😏

A/N: This AU has gone through 4 whole plot rewrites rip. kinda inspired by Good Omens!! (also 2 aus in a week?? whaaaaaat)

!! This is a gender neutral!reader fluff with 1945 words~ !!

Before we begin the plot, lemme quickly go through the basics of the universe

yayy lin’s doing world building again

there are angels and demons in the universe, simply just the optional jobs of people’s souls once they die

if they choose this job, they don't remember much of their life on Earth, but they do remember events they associate w/strong emotions bc it helps them

for ex. an angel could remember how sad a death made them feel so they know to prevent it

and a demon can remember how angry a bully made them felt so they can make people that level angry

both angels & demons take the form of their bodies when they were alive and roam on Earth

they can also return to Heaven/Hell and observe Earth from their respective realms

also yes demons can be summoned, but lmao you can also just give em a phone call via incantation

the angel equivalent to this phone call is praying

demons can pretty much do anything as long as it relates somehow to the Seven Deadly Sins (pride, greed, lust, envy, gluttony, wrath, sloth)

angel powers are more holy/good, and they can grant things in prayers if they choose, etc

Anyway, YOU KNOW THIS BOI??

THiS bOi sHUa

he's chill af for a demon ok

one of the first demons so like no one really knows how he’s a demon bc he’s so polite

there’s some speculation that he was one of the first to fall but like

what the hell did he do???

But also some say he became a demon out of spite bc he saw a demon commit a “sin” that actually helped someone

so he became a demon just to help people in a more… unholy way

and then he was upset angels hated him just because he was a demon

like wow spirit discrimination

NOW YOU—

you are an angel (literally)

you’re the angel that protects like. atheists/"non-believers" bc c'mon just because they don’t believe in God/gods doesn’t mean they shouldn't have access to that protection service

(yes hello you’re calling APS, the Angel Protection Service sponsored by God, how may I help you?)

so yeah you’re pretty chill yourself since you have to constantly deal with people who don't believe in you lol

One fine day, you were listening to a prayer from a sick college student

ok it wasn't really a prayer but they were like "oh please, my god, let me get some sleep tonight"

you gladly put them to sleep and they slept soundly at night

when you checked on them the next morning, you noticed—

A dEmON?!?

…lying right next to the student (but above the covers, he has boundaries), who isn't stirring at all

if the leather jacket and ripped jeans didn't tip you off, he had some horns on his head to confirm ur suspicions

You: "Hey what in the world are you doing here?!"

???: "What? If they get up rn they won't be able to pay attention in class. I'm letting them rest first"

You: "Wha—who—okay, okay okay… who are you?"

"I’m Joshua, nice to meet you, angel"

Shua knows he has the name of an angel so afterwards he's like. Don't get it confused bish.

you ask him what he's doing, and basically, he's using the sin sloth on this sicko student so they stay in bed and recover instead of going to class

Even tho you feel iffy abt letting a demon affect a human right in front of you, an angel, you are a bit intrigued

you haven't seen a demon use their powers for good before…

who is this guy??

anyway he disappears, presumably to Hell, once the student needs to wake up

which is when u miracle them some bread to get

But don't worry, you're destined to meet again~

which you did, on several occasions

and ok maybe you were glad to talk to someone who was actually interesting

so, yknow,,, if another angel was like "hey y/n uhh there's a demon… bothering? someone? idk but it's a non-believer, that's ur jurisdiction right"

you had a guess on who this demon was…

…and you were right

Joshua: "Oh hey angel"

You: "Ew, you make it sound like a pet name"

JS: "Well I don't know your name, do I?"

You: "Oh. Right. It's Y/N."

he still calls you angel tho, smh that flirt

y'all just bicker and/or chat for a bit whenever u go help the same person

Like one time when he insisted that you let him use gluttony on a teen so they'd eat a lot of ice cream that day

they had just been through a bad break up so u let it slide

Or another time he used wrath on a timid kid so they could stand up to a bully

all of these ended w/you two bickering while walking away

There was this little girl you were watching from heaven who was writing a letter to "Whoever Can Do This"

little girl started listing a bunch of things, which you assumed were toys

but then you realized it was actually stuff like food, friends, a puppy, a loving dad who will go out to the park with her—

so u go down there to check on this lil child

…and that's when you see a familiar leather jacket watching over her and suggesting other things to write

you can’t see him from heaven so ur like gosh darn it I should’ve known

"Joshua?? I should've known it was—"

*cue both shua and the child turning around*

JS: "Oh hey, nice to see you, angel"

Lil' Nugget: *GASP* "Mr. Josh is this ur s/o???"

JS: "Hm? Oh, I mean, no, but um…"

You: "Josh what have u been putting into this one's head…"

Shua's all like "greed! Her dad's been ignoring her since her mom died so we're writing a list of things she wants"

then the smol girl smiles so wide and is like "Mr. Josh is helping me! He's my new friend!!"

ur like awww dangit ok I'll let it slide if u let me help

Once she finishes it, Josh hands the girl's list over to you

he explains quietly he wants you to miracle her dad to pay attention+love his daughter again so they can have/do all the other things on the list

you read it over again and do just that

The little girl gives the list to her father, your miracle allowing them to have a fun afternoon eating ice cream and playing with her toys

And you and Josh have a nice time too~

once y'all left that girl's room, he invited you for some soda

"Coke? I hope you mean Coca Cola"

"Yeah, uh, there's a place with a vending machine not too far from here. We can walk"

You don't spend time on Earth often, but you learn as you walk w/Josh that he "prefers the air up here"

mainly bc he doesn't fit in with the other demons, but he also just likes spending time with humans

(obviously tho he needs to go down to hell occasionally for like conferences and such)

you don't remember if you've ever been on a date before lol

Josh doesn't either, but he does remember how jumbled up ur emotions get, which he is not ready for

then again of course he has, I mean look at that charm

however, you can't remember if the feeling you get when going on ur little date with Shua is love :/

it isn’t really, but just bc this is ur first “date,” so it makes sense

But Josh makes sure to take you out again… for dinner!!!

you were investigating the use of lust and pride at the same time

of course, it was just Josh helping a guy find someone to hook up with

you were kinda disgusted and wanted to leave, so shua gladly took your arm and pulled you away to a restaurant!

y’all had a nice dinner, paying with some money Josh had collected

and then you went to walk together and chat some more

he’s breathtaking, and he actually wants to spend time with you despite y’all being on opposite sides of an inevitable war

You don’t care, going on more dates just to talk and not have to care about ur jobs and other stuff

Shua hears you yell “what the hell” at some point and he’s like woAH you can say that???

“Yeah. I mean, it’s not really polite, but I can. Can you say ‘Thank God?’”

“‘Thank God?’ Well look at that, I can. Good point”

you love him because he’s so chill and doesn’t give a f*** abt anything

except you and humans, apparently

like he could’ve burned or smth by saying “Thank God” or be confined to the basement of Hell for helping people/talking with you, but he doesn’t care lmao

However, no one really knows you’ve been talking with a demon tho so uhhh

when they do you get in a little bit of trouble w/the archangels

ur boss was essentially like “y/n what the HECK are you doing?!? you’re on thin ice rn”

you get mad at him, trying to defend Joshua

and you’re right in doing so, since he just wants to help people with a different set of powers

ur archangel boss sends you back down to Earth, saying you can’t return to Heaven until they work smth out

(they probably want to burn you with Hell fire)

You warn Josh, knowing they might burn you

he’s adamant on keeping you with him, so y’all try to hide or smth

which won’t work of course, but you can try, right?

right?

Shua and you sit together on a bench, with you leaning on his shoulder

“Joshua… I’m scared, I don’t want to be burned!”

“Don’t worry y/n, it’ll be okay. I love you, angel, nothing bad will happen”

and just like that, you remember what it feels like to love

“You’re right. I love you too. Help the non-believers for me if I go, alright?”

“I’ll help them just for you.”

Your archangel boss is smart, knowing the worst punishment for you is to be reincarnated without memories

you wouldn’t remember Joshua at all

and when he drags u back up to Heaven, you want to cry

do angels cry holy water? anyway

you’re sent back to Earth as a baby that can’t fend for itself

You remember nothing.

You’ve recently graduated from college and are out looking for a job

you’ve gotten rejected and fired so many times

for ex. just now, after you were arguing with someone who spoke another language that you didn’t know and there was no translator available

the customer wasn’t willing to cooperate either, ignoring your attempts to use an online translator smh

it’s late and you’re tired, so you leave, angry, and start coughing frantically when you inhale too much smoke coming from the alley next to you

naturally, you’re like “What the hell?! Dude, you’re not supposed to be smoking this close to an entrance!”

“Why do you care? You don’t work here anymore”

you take a better look at the stranger once he steps into the light of a nearby lamppost

it’s a dude in a leather jacket and ripped jeans who drops his cigarette

“Need help getting a job, y/n?”

“how do you—what—who are you?”

he extends a hand out to you, which you shake reluctantly

“I’m Joshua. Nice to meet you, angel.”

#seventeen imagines #seventeen scenarios #seventeen joshua #joshua imagines #joshua scenarios #joshua hong #hong jisoo #joshua fluff #i never know what to tag josh's fics smh #jkj fics

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miseryff · 5 years ago

Text

19. Sit Down

Paris

My weekend spent in Houston,TX was nothing short of litty! Besides the no having sex due to my period, I spent a wonderful three days with Derrick. Now I was back in Long Island and I can not say that I missed the towns that much. It was minutes to noon on Sunday and the only thing on my mind was getting some sleep because I had to go back to work tomorrow.

Damn, this adulting shit had no pause button.

“Where’s your lil boyfriend at, London Paris?” I rolled my eyes at my dad, and only sipped on my bottled water as we awaited Derrick’s arrival. My dad orchestrated the whole gathering with my mother. The plan was to have Derrick and I have a Sunday brunch so that they could get more acquainted with him. I honestly do not know why they want to be familiar with Derrick so badly. I mean its not like he would be coming around them that often anyways. I was still in the hot seat for flying to Houston against my parent’s wishes though, so I had to play nice and agree to this sit down.

“Chris, leave her alone.” That was my mom coming to my rescue, for once. I side eyed her just as the door bell rang. She must have got some dick last night because she’s been extra kind to me since I pulled up to the crib earlier this morning. I motioned to get the door but my big ass, dinosaur ass pops was already sprinting down the hall. I fake chuckled before looking over at my mom. She was already staring at me, being all weird. “Ma, you gucci?”

“What do you mean, baby?”

“I mean you being fake nice for some reason. Dad dropped some dick off last--”

“Paris, stop. I am not one of your lil ho friends. Don’t talk to me like that.” I could not hold in my laughter as I looked into her guilty eyes. She was trying so hard to keep her face neutral but shawty was blushing OD. “Ewww, yall need to get back together already--”

“The man of the hour is here!” My sentence was cut short by my father’s extra boisterous voice. I looked over into the doorway and there stood Derrick, looking even more sexy than he did a couple hours ago when he dropped me off at home. He went to his aunt’s house to fake nap and freshen up, since he had about two hours before he needed to be back at my house. This man looked like an advertisement for raw sex and I wanted him. Damn, I wonder I could suck him--

“Paris, hello? You not gonn introduce ya man to my fine ass baby moms? Fine, I’ll do it myself. Lil rude ass.” I blinked a few times before leveling my eyes from the front of Derrick’s grey dress pants, and meeting my father’s eyes. I heard Derrick chuckle as he and my father walked more into the kitchen. “Clean ya mind, ma” Derrick mumbled as he brushed past me lightly.

I could hear Derrick and my mom getting acquainted, so I used this time to pull my dad to the side to set some shit straight. “Yo...”

“Who you yo-ing, lil girl? Run that shit back.” I made the stank face as I watched him undo the wrapper from a yellow Starburst. But I’m the lil girl? “What, Paris? Speak up.”

“Can you not embarrass me today in front of my nigga? You do that a lot and I’m not with it the shits. I don’t even wanna be here for this bullshit mixer brunch, so--”

“When do I ever embarrass you, Paris? You do that job perfectly well by yourself’ like when you lied about entering a rehab program for the weekend, only to have ya smart ass daddy pop up on ya baecation.” He showed me the yellow Starburst in his mouth before pulling me into a hug when I turned to walk away. “Dadddd...”

“Hush up and hug me back. I ain’t gonn embarrass you, aight?. I can tell you like this kid and he aight so far, so ima be on my best behavior.” Those words placed a tiny smile on my lips so I wrapped him back tightly, snickering when he started whining. “Old ass nigga! I heard a couple bones crack.”

“Fuck outta here, bum!” He pushed me away from him a little too roughly and I caught my balance before punching him in the chest. “Yeaa, talk yo shit now gramps.” I went to punch his bird chest again but my mom saved his slow, tired ass.

“Can yall beasts stop playing in my kitchen? Lets sit and eat before the food gets cold. Waiting on Derrick’s turtle ass all morning and shit.” The loudest laugh left my lips and I walked over to Derrick who was wearing the ‘I ate ass’ face. “Ma, don’t shade my baby. Do you see how he looks? His fine ass had--”

“Yuck.” That was my hating ass pops. “Cmon man, lemme save you from this thirst bucket I call a daughter.” He rudely pushed me out the way and dropped his arm over Derrick’s shoulder as they walked out the kitchen. My jaw hit the floor once I heard the two roar in laughter. It was then my mom’s laughing that forced me to tear my eyes from the two. “Ya dad has a man crush Mondaaayy” she sang as she walked around my frozen body.

“His gay ass!”

Brunch went... well?

We actually ate and there was no shit that popped off. My dad was on his best behavior, as promised, minus the corny attempts to make Derrick laugh. I never thought I would agree with my mom’s opinion ever but she was right, Dad had a MCM... and it was my nigga.

“I fake wish Cae and Carter was here. I gave them money for the mall because I thought it would be a shit show.” I joked as I watched my mom gather up the plates from the table. I would get up and help her but that’s what my lazy ass pops was for. “Really? I was wondering why they was dressed and speeding out the door. They bout to spend off ya money in that mall.” My mom chucked lightly as she continued to stack the plates.

“Dad, go help mom bring the dishes to the kitchen and leave my nigga alone. He can not and will not hook you up on the Js dropping next week. Fuck outta here.”

“Paris, shut ya ass up. Now like I was saying--”

“Chris, I need help for real. Fuck dem shoes.” Derrick and I shared a laugh as we watched my mom staredown my pops. “Really, Alana? You think that glaring shit still work on me?”

No more words came from my moms mouth. The room would have been silent but Derrick and I were being goofy as shit and laughing like a bunch of school girls. Maybe another minute of my mom staring down my pops passed, before we heard his chair scrape against the wooden floors. “Simp ass nigga” I coughed loudly. “Damn, some shit was stuck in my throat.”

Can yall believe my grown ass pops sent me the middle finger? “And one for you too, Derrick. To think I had an ally in this bitch. That’s when they smile in my face...” He sand off key as he followed my mom out of the dining room. More laughter filled the living room and I had to wipe underneath my eye with my tank top because my dad was really a dickhead. Wow.

“Ya pops funny as shit.” Derrick chuckled some more, and then made a face when I pulled him out his seat by his arm. “Where we--”

“Shut up, and hurry up.” I whispered as I ushered him out of the dining room and down the hallway. I could hear my parents conversing in the kitchen and loud laughter as I started up the staircase. “Where we going, Paris?”

“To my room, Derrick. Now shut up.” The slap that was sent to my ass did nothing but make me more wet than I already was. Do yall know how hard it was to sit across from this sexy ass nigga and not be able to feel his dick down my throat? Shiiiidddd.

Once we entered my bedroom I turned the lock and pushed him up against the door. “I’m bout to suck fire out ya dick, just in case you was about to ask me what I’m doing.” I winked at him before dropping to my knees and working on his dress pants. His dick print was pressed up against his pants and I knew his dick wanted nothing more than to find refuge in my mouth.

He said nothing, only took a grip of my jet black hair and guided my head to his already hard dick. Opening my mouth slowly, I deep throat his shit in one try, and felt a feeling of accomplishment once I heard his low grunts.

Oh yea, he’s mine.

Derrick

Paris is crazy.

I don’t remember the last time I did this high school shit; where a shawty snuck me up to her bedroom to get the work. Then again, she just left high school last year so it made sense. My bottom lip sunk into my mouth as I watched her get busy on my dick. I can’t lie, Paris gave the best head I have ever had in my life. Its like she was a pro at this shit and she was tryna suck the brown off my dick. I loved it.

“You like how my dick taste?” I spoke lowly as I tightened my grip on her straight black hair. Paris as a blondie was fire, no debate, But Paris with the jet black hair? Lets just say my dick was never on soft around her. She got it. “I love how your shit tastes. This my shit.” That was another thing I loved about Paris. The raw, NYC lingo. She spoke like a crip nigga but looked like a Hampton socialite. That was a fire ass mix.

Before I knew it both of my hands were are the back on her head and I was face fucking the shit out of her. And best believe mama kept up. No hands, on some Waka Flocka shit. “Yea, this yo shit.” Pulling her back by her hair, I watched as my dick slid out her mouth. “Open up,” a smile touched my lips as I watched her follow my every direction. It did something to me watching her welcome my spit into her mouth. After she licked her lips, she took my dick back into her mouth and finished me off. Pulling her up to stand, I pressed my lips to hers before switching places.

She was now laying with her chest against the door and I quickly pulled her black leggings down her legs. “Im still on my period, babe.”

“I know...” I mumbled as I searched for the condom in my wallet, As soon as I was wrapped up, I hiked her leg up and slid into her wetness with ease. “Fuckk,” we cursed at the same time.

“You better fuck the shit out of me. And make me cum.”

Oh yea, she mine.

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prkrc · 6 years ago

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hey there demons! it me, sam! this is just parker’s same old intro edited with some updates and wanted / taken connections, so feel free to take a look if you’re interested! messaging me @ellvie is probably easiest!

DISCLAIMER: this is a sideblog so i might post stuff to the wrong acc sometimes js

so, this guy right here…riley ignatius parker-warrington…will throw hands if you call him anything other than parker. it’s what everyone calls him. you gotta be really special to call him riley and not immediately get decked for it. tbh most people probably think parker is his first name anyway so! moving on

parker was born to a wealthy family in a small but affluent village called alderley edge in cheshire, england. he’s the youngest of four sons so he has three older brothers.

his family, the parker-warringtons ( known more commonly as the warringtons ) are stupid rich. it hurts me to think about it askdh. they’re basically the british rockefellers. parker’s great x6 granddad started the family business back a couple centuries ago and nowadays they’ve got their hands in everything from business to architecture to real estate to education to oil…they own a lot of stuff. the warrington building in downtown london was completely made up just now is basically the rockefeller center of the uk.

the family drama has been highly publicized in the uk & europe for longer than anyone can remember at this point, but not as much in america.

anyway, parker spent his early years sheltered and pampered and homeschooled by tutors and nannies bc his parents never had time for him but it’s whatever he got over it really early on in life.

parker’s always been a huge troublemaker with a restless nature so his wealthy, uptight, lowkey shady af parents who are obsessed with the family’s image could never really deal with him and eventually decided to just ship him off to boarding schools all over europe, just one after the other after the other bc he kept getting kicked out lmao.

about the only thing he enjoyed about his childhood and schooling were his music lessons. he was taught to play piano, violin, and even the harp. other things like math and history and science didn’t come easily to him at all, but music? he was great at it and he’s always loved it. during his teen years while away at boarding school was when he first procured an electric guitar and learned to play. along with that, he also discovered punk music, aka the greatest thing in the entire fucking universe if you ask him. far as music goes, he’d found his calling in his early teenage years.

at school he was basically that rebellious kid in all the movies who wore doc martens with his prim & proper school uniform and carried around a pocket knife and cut class to go smoke while vandalizing school property and would absolutely fuck up some prissy pretty boy’s face just for looking at him the wrong way.

literally the only reason he actually graduated rather than flunking out was because his father was able to pull some strings aka bought his very last boarding school a whole new library wing. parker did actually consider running away a few times, but there was a part of him really reaaaaally deep down that actually enjoyed some aspects of school ( though he very strongly believes many education systems across the world need a serious overhaul and blahblahblah don’t ask him unless you want a lecture ). anyway, the moment he was done with school, he did finally skip out on…well, everything and everyone and ditched the country altogether, heading out first to seattle washington, then to los angeles, california, and then he finally settled in new york city when he was twenty years old, meaning that he’s lived in nyc for the last three years!

started his band, rabid porcupine, right after moving to the city. they’re a punk band, popular among the subculture and virtually unknown to everyone else. parker is the lead vocalist, guitarist, songwriter, overall face of the band but don’t get it twisted he could never go solo his whole band is important to him.

his parents have threatened to cut him off & disinherit him about a billion times but will probably never actually do it even though they see him as a huge disgrace to the family name. they call sometimes but he never picks up. if anybody asks he’d probably say that he hates his family but he honestly doesn’t. i don’t think he’s capable of hate lmao. he doesn’t like them and he’d rather stay away from them bc he and his family just do not get along, but at the end of the end of the day, v deep down he has like….a teeny tiny molecule of affection for them even though his family is 100% genuinely awful people

so, parker left nyc for a bit! even though it was only like a week ago in real time i wanna say he’s actually been gone for about two to three months maybe? idk but he went back to england in a rush, just kinda vanishing overnight as he tends to do.

he told no one where he was going or that he was even leaving at all. not even his roommate or…the person he’s very attached to, stas. he didn’t wanna tell anyone why he had to leave.

BUT WE’RE ALL GONNA FIND OUT RIGHT HERE AND NOW SURPRISE! his dad died. yikes. now they had a very…complicated relationship. parker hated his father and his father hated him. tbh his death wouldn’t have been enough for parker to go all the way back to england bc he fucking hates it there if it weren’t for the fact that his dad was pulling some fuck shit from the grave.

long story short, he left the family company to parker in his will. not the family, not his wife, not any of his other three sons. nope. the whole ass billion dollar company, every single subset, everything…was left to one riley ignatius parker-warrington.

naturally he was fucking furious. he hates the family business, he hates their company, he hates office work, and he hates knowing that his father only did it to spite him. he immediately attempted to get rid of the company. tried selling it, just straight up giving it away, even driving it into the ground lmao. just, anything to get it off of his hands and out of his responsibility but nothing has worked so far.

and that’s why he’s back in nyc! he wants a lawyer’s opinion so what i think parker is gonna do here? lowkey try to sneak into town, get some help from a lawyer he trusts and then leave without anyone else noticing or knowing that he was in town at all because he absolutely does not want to be here and he especially doesn’t wanna show his face. too bad for him!

lemme…stop? and just give you a few quick facts bc this is getting super long who’s even still reading this?

looks like he could kill you and could actually kill you

he hasn’t been home in like five years but he still has the heaviest most posh british accent you will ever hear in your life + he knows he’s fulfilling a stereotype here but he doesn’t care he fuckin loves tea

his three older brothers are named sebastian, nikolai, & rian. he doesn’t get along with any of them but he and rian he by far has the worst relationship with rian, his identical twin who’s a few minutes older. unlike most stereotypical twins they’ve literally never been in sync, have never gotten along and have probably beaten each other up before.

his family is big on modern day arranged marriages but you can miss parker with that bullshit he will date whoever he wants

that being said i think he’s probably…straight? idk tho & like who’s really straight anymore honestly

most people think that he’s a jerk bc he’s incredibly standoffish and temperamental but he’s actually…not that bad? like he’s sure he’s permanently grumpy but he also holds the door open for people and says thank you to janitors and probably helps old ladies across the street and would literally rather die than be rude to wait staff in a restaurant

seemingly very passionate about everything always openly expresses his emotions. he doesn’t…know how to hide them? he doesn’t know how to pretend like he doesn’t care?

adrenaline junkie, reckless af & likes to party but isn’t into hard drugs. he’s tried once or twice but just really isn’t a fan. he smokes & drinks & smokes weed sometimes but that’s it

very observant and good at reading people

basically the walking talking rl embodiment of the jerk with a heart of gold trope.

knows he’s not the easiest person to befriend but if you are his friend, then he’s gonna be loyal af, the realest ride or die of all time

however, he tends to take the tough love route when he’s trying to help someone out. like just bc you’re his friend he’s not gonna coddle you bc you’re upset he’s gonna tell you how to how to deal with your problems & emotions

which is funny bc lmao he’s angry af 1000% of the time. will throw hands anytime anywhere

so to the surprise as nobody he took up boxing as a kid and to this day it’s the only sport he cares about at all. he still boxes once or twice a week as a hobby & it’s probs pretty good for him tbh

also took a lot of music lessons back in the day. he’s actually a very talented pianist who probably could’ve gone on to play professionally if he stuck with it but nah. he likes the guitar. you’ll probs never catch him playing the piano which is a shame bc he honestly is a beautiful pianist :/

worked as an auto mechanic before he committed to his band full time but highkey misses it sometimes. he still likes cars & absolutely loves motorcycles, will talk about them all day with you if you want.

he has a motorcycle which pretty much built it himself from scratch and it’s just…it’s literally his child ok he will freak if you so much as lay a hand on his motorcycle ok /f r e a k/ like don’t even look at it the wrong way

feminist af

parker is grumpy and angry and standoffish but look he really is and really tries to be a decent guy. anyone who knows him well would see that very clearly and honestly, that’s probably why they stick around even though he can be difficult.

CONNECTIONS

family

future step sibling - genesis iver

maternal cousin, don’t get along - open.

paternal cousin, basically the only family member he likes - ingrid larson

romantic

ex girlfriend / highkey in love - anastasia sangster

ex on good terms - open.

ex on bad terms - open.

former toxic on / off relationship - open.

fwb - maia kauri.

former fwb - open.

platonic

best friend / ride or die - mason grey

roommate - open. please check the main for info on this wc!

close friends - reese monroe, kennedy drakos, isla thompson, open to more.

friends - warren daily, marnie almeida, sullivan ramsey, alexandra blakely, cameron jones, open to more.

unlikely friends - wren daily, open to more.

frenemies - rosalind cox, jake carver, open to more.

attempted good influence - logan van kamp

workout buddy - willow sparks

negative

enemies - lukas donovan, open to several. parker is a goblin so he could’ve pissed someone off for many reasons

ex friends - jay weston, open to more.

doesn’t like / trust - lex sinclair

since this is officially a novel i think it’s time for me to sTOP LMAO. i have no specific wc in mind but i’d love to plot so please feel free to message me if you’re interested! as always i’m super excited to plot and write with everyone!

#excessintro #death tw #mostly just for my personal reference but he could use some connections so pls feel free to take a look!

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prkrearchive · 7 years ago

Text

hey there demons! it me, sam ( she / her, 21, est timezone ) who also writes elvie the spooky nerd and i’m super excited to bring in an old fave muse of mine! i’ve had this IDIOT forever, but i’ve tried to revamp him a little to fit this lovely rp & i’ve given him a new fc! anyway, details are under the cut, so feel free to check those out & then message me @elvvce if you’d like to plot!

DISCLAIMER: this is a sideblog so i might post stuff to the wrong acc sometimes js

parker was born to a wealthy family in a small but affluent village called alderley edge in cheshire, england. he’s the youngest of four sons so he has three older brothers.

his family, the parker-warringtons ( known more commonly as the warringtons ) are stupid rich. it hurts me to think about it askdh. they’re basically the british rockefellers. parker’s great x6 granddad started the family business back a couple centuries ago and nowadays they’ve got their hands in everything from business to architecture to real estate to education to oil...they own a lot of stuff. the warrington building in downtown london was completely made up just now is basically the rockefeller center of the uk.

the family drama has been highly publicized in the uk & europe for longer than anyone can remember at this point, but not as much in america.

anyway, parker spent his early years sheltered and pampered and homeschooled by tutors and nannies bc his parents never had time for him but it’s whatever he got over it really early on in life.

lemme...stop? and just give you a few quick facts bc this is getting super long who’s even still reading this?

looks like he could kill you and could actually kill you

his family is big on modern day arranged marriages but you can miss parker with that bullshit he will date whoever he wants

that being said i think he’s probably...straight? idk tho & like who’s really straight anymore honestly

most people think that he’s a jerk bc he’s incredibly standoffish and temperamental but he’s actually...not that bad? like he’s sure he’s permanently grumpy but he also holds the door open for people and says thank you to janitors and probably helps old ladies across the street and would literally rather die than be rude to wait staff in a restaurant

seemingly very passionate about everything always openly expresses his emotions. he doesn’t...know how to hide them? he doesn’t know how to pretend like he doesn’t care?

adrenaline junkie, reckless af & likes to party but isn’t into hard drugs. he’s tried once or twice but just really isn’t a fan. he smokes & drinks & smokes weed sometimes but that’s it

very observant and good at reading people

basically the walking talking rl embodiment of the jerk with a heart of gold trope.

knows he’s not the easiest person to befriend but if you are his friend, then he’s gonna be loyal af, the realest ride or die of all time

which is funny bc lmao he’s angry af 1000% of the time. will throw hands anytime anywhere

feminist af

#excessintro #drug mention tw #i think that's it #this is...a Mess and a novel but i hope you enjoy!

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heartforheart532 · 7 years ago

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THOS2: A weekend to never forget

So I promised I would give a coverage of my weekend at THOS2 as soon as I would get my HD pictures in. I just got them today so I’ve decided to share my story with you guys finally! It’ll be quite a long post so if you’re interested in hearing about me meeting the best cast there is on this planet feel free to continue reading! :)

So this was my first convention ever so I was very curious to see how things would turn out. I was also very, very nervous to finally meet the amazing people who bring these characters to live so amazingly. So Saturday, our first day, started with an opening panel where the casts greets us and everything and shortly after the OPS were beginning. So the first block was Matt, Harry, Jade and Will. I had Matt and Harry first (and to be honest I was the most nervous to meet those two so that didn’t really ease my nerves. xD).

Meeting Harry Shum Jr So I was told to go to Harry first and boy, I was shaking in my shoes about how nervous I was meeting him. Photo ops go very quick so in no time it was my turn to take a picture with him and my heart was just beating out of my chest but when I saw him, he just smiled at me and greeted me with a hug and immediately asked me “Hi! How are you doing?’’ and I could talk with him without even stuttering. Like, one hug and all my previous worries about being nervous just flew out the window. He was so sweet and patient with me and I am forever thankful I got the opportunity to meet this man. They day after I met him at the autographe and I had bought him an omamori and I’ll never forget our little conversation we had when I walked up to the table for the autograph session. He asked me how I was doing, if I still had some energy after these tiring two days and even danced with me a little! (Well he danced a bit in his chair but still, AHH) His reaction when he saw the omamori was the cutest thing ever. “An omoari! Oeeh, thank you so much!’’ (Also when he saw our picture he casually said, “Oh yeah I remember you!’’ and I was screaming on the inside.)

Meeting Matthew Daddario So, after my photoshoot with Harry on the saturday, I immediately queued for Matt’s line in the room where the photo’s were taken. At this point I was a little nervous again because... hello it’s Matt. When I was behind the curtain where Matt took his pictures I could hear him go; “Guys I look ridiculous! I am gonna look ridiculous in these pictures!’’ And at first I thought maybe it were some girls wanting to do some cosplay with hum but NOPE, he was worried about his hat hair! (He wore a cap when he came in during the opening panel and clearly was asked by the crew at the beginning of his photo session to take it off. He later but it back on. xD) So, it was my turn and I walk up to him, give him a hug (which holy shit they all give amazing hugs) and the usual “how are you doing chat’’. So we take out picture and as I’m about to leave (you’re not allowed to hang around for very long) he turns to me and goes “Does my hair look ridiculous to you?’’ and I blink at first and then am like; “What? No! No you look fine, Matt!’’ And he continues to be like “I should’ve done something with it.’’ and I literally stare him dead in the eyes and say: “Matt, you look beautiful.’’ and he FUCKING SMILED AND SAID “Aw, thanks!’’ Yeah no, I was an emotional dead mess after that. Later on this day I had an autographe session with him where I gave him a self made omamori. He was very clearly tired and had a long day behind him so I didn’t want to take up much of his time. I gave him the omamori (which he loved by the way) but forgot to tell him I actually had made it myself. So the next day I had another autographe session and op with him. Because the queue for his op was so long this time there was not much time for small talk, I gave him a hug again and we did the parabatai op which I loved because OH DAMN HE STARES STRAIGHT INTO YOUR SOUL AND THEN HAS THE AUDICITY TO SMIRK AT YOU. ANyways so later on that sunday I had my last autogrpahe session which was him and got my friend an autographe from him. So he asked me about my friend and I told him about her where after I gave him the letter I asked him if he remembered me giving him the omamori. “Yeah! The tiny one right?’’ and so I explained that I made it myself and he was very surprised about that and when I gave him the letter I said that everything was written in there and he went like “Wait, lemme write omamori on it. That way I know it’s from you!’’ after that I said my goodbyes to him and a friend of mine who was stillin line offered a shoulder to cry upon because I was so emtionally overwhelmed :’) But yeah, Matthew Daddario is an angel and I feel so blessed I have met him.

Meeting Alberto Rosende OKAY THIS HAS GOT TO BE ONE OF MY FAVORITE MOMENTS OF THE ENTIRE EFFING WEEKEND.

Let me start off with the fact that Alberto is a Gryffindor and I am a Gryffindor. Last Christmas my friend had gifted me a Gryffindor scarf so... I took that with me to the con. So when I had my op with him (I had two in one row) I wrapped the scarf around his neck and told him “You can borrow it for today.’’ And his eyes just... widened in surprise and he was like “Oh, thank you. This is so cool.’’ So we did a pose with the scarf and then a regular hug pose afterwards. Later that saturday I also had an autographe with him so naturally, I decided I wanted him to sign the gryffindor op! This entire exchange owns my heart. Alberto Rosende is the kindest soul I have ever met and I only love him more after this convention. So when it was my turn for his autographe he was eating some sweets and I playfully asked him if they were good. He was like “Yeah! Do you want some?’’ They were lemon napoleons AND I DO NOT SAY NO TO SOUR CANDY. So I gave him the picture of us and at first he wrote my name; “Anja. That’s a really pretty name. I love that name.’’ I think I blushed bright red at that lol. Then he saw the op and he gasped and before he even started writing I was like; “Gryffindor’s for life!’’ he stops all movements and was like: “I WAS GONNA WRITE THAT!’’ And we high fived and aahhh my heart was screaming with happiness. So when he had signed my photo I gave him an envelope with a letter and a tiny gift. He looked at me and was like; “Can I open it now?’’ And I was like, yes of course! So he opened it and he smiled so big when he saw the bas guitar keychain I got him. It reminded me of him as well as of Simon so I figured it would be a perfect gift for him. He told me he loved it and honestly, he made my entire day with this exchange. :’’)

Meeting Emeraude, Kat and Dom + the autographes with Jade and Will So these three ops and autographes went quite fast so I’ve decided to put them under one headline lol. With Jade and Will I only had an autographe.

I had two autographes with Kat on the saturday, one for me and one for a friend. Her throat was very sore from when she was in Australia so I talked and laughed about that bit with her and then she was asking me how I liked the convention and such. Her op was super rushed, it was in and out in the snap of a fingers but she was an angel.

Emeraude was an absolute sweetheart. I talked a bit at the autographe with her about the con as well and then sunday we had our photo op. So I wanted to do the parabatai pose with her and Eme being Eme she was a bit confused which one it was but I showed her and she was like “Oh right! Well as you know I don’t have a parabatai but now you are my first one!’’ “Well I’m very honored to be!’’ She was gorgeous in real life and such a joy to talk with and see at panels.

Dom’s ops were a bit rushed as well but I had the chance to talk to him a bit and gah, his accent in real life. fuck man. Will’s accent too by the way. Shit. I’ve had my doubts about meeting Dom after everything that happened and had been struggling with this decision for the remaining eight months but decided to just do it since I already spend money on the photo op. During his autographe we talked baout my name and The Netherlands and how our J’s sound different, I found it funny he picked up on that xD.

Will was such a fucking pleasure to talk with and he was adorable. Hours before the autographe session he had a panel with Harry that I witnessed and so I had something to talk about with him. That panel was seriously everything.

Jade was a real sweetheart. He was talking in French at first but when he noticed I spoke English he did that (which I think is amazing, speaking French with the local fans) this was on the sunday and at the end of the event so we just talked about the weekend we had and that he was such a sweetheart.

For the rest I have an op with the Lightwood family and the Shumdario duo with one of my best friends and parabatai!

And basically that was my weekend! i ha the most amazing time with this incredible cast and met the best firends and mutuals in real life that I could’ve ever asked for.

And no matter how much I miss them at this point, I know I’ll see some of them back again at THOS3! (Whihc I got a pass for again and I can’t wait!)

If you read this far I applaud you! xD Thank you for your time and I hope you enjoyed this story!

#Shadowhunters #Shadowhunters Season 3 #Matthew Daddario #Harry Shum jr #Katherine McNamara #Emeraude Toubia #Dominic Sherwood #Will Tudor #Jade Hassouné #Alberto Rosende #Shadowhunters cast #THOS2 #The Hunters of Shadow #THOS2 con #THOS3 #Story time

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puckbunresearch · 7 years ago

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(Pt 1) Hey girl so I’m trying to get with a player in my hometown which is kinda risky ik haha. From what I’ve researched there’s no evidence of him ever being in a long term relationship or even rumors of him with any girl ever (he’s fairly young, not sure if that has an impact or if he’s just super private or just a major fuckboy) but regardless what’s the best place to try and shoot my shot?? Should I dm him or give him my number in person? I’m externally involved with the team and i’m bound

ok don’t worry i saw all three parts of your message but im just gonna put my full response here!

1. yes you should shoot your shot, why not? gotta take risks in life to get what you want

2. it depends on what you feel most comfortable with! you can dm first and get to know him before suggesting to meet up, or you can strike up a convo in person! if you have the chance to meet him irl, i would def take it!

3. you’re plenty hot, and if he can’t see that, his loss! confidence confidence confidence! it’s so big, i cannot emphasize it more! maybe try and avoid the topic of hockey, i usually do that when chatting people up. def want to make sure he can tell that you’re not a fan, and you’re interested haha. body language is super important, but don’t go overboard. don’t force anything, let it be natural.

4. ew ew ew what a creep, good for you for passing!

5. you don’t need to be a typical bunny for someone to notice you! remember that! + what has worked for me in the past is usually just playing it by ear, being able to have fun and show you’re a fun person to be around! just have fun and honestly be yourself! also dress hot, js haha 😂😂

good luck! lemme know how it goes cutie!

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shellheadtmarc · 7 years ago

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okay. alright. i’ve finally got this situated how i want it, and i want it in my verse info because it is pretty important, but everyone that’s onboard for tony’s fallout companion verse sit down, we’re gonna have a SCIENCE! lesson.

(disclaimer: this post contains no actual real science. all science is based upon the invincible iron man runs and fallout’s own brand. no scientists were consulted in the writing of this post. may cause eye rolling in some listeners. if you find yourself eye rolling for more than four hours, please consult another fallout. do not use if you are not a fallout or have no plans of ever becoming a fallout.)

what this is basically about is what i’m calling the “wasteland special”, which would be the suit companion tony’s running around with in the commonwealth, some parallels between marvel and fallout, and how i’m mushing it all together to form a smoothie of, “tony what in fuck is wrong with you” while lifting some stuff from 616. so hang with me here.

so you all know the mcu version of the bleeding edge suit, right. this thing:

(amanda, did you really make an edit of the bleeding edge just for this post? really? yes, now sit down, shut up, and lemme finish.)

it’s neat, right? it’s got nanomachinery and tony keeps it in a little casing right on his chest and-

listen fuck that. it’s wrong. and i’ll tell you why it’s wrong because the actual 616 bleeding edge (and in effect, the wasteland special) are so much more awesome. like yeah, it’s sexy as hell and i’m glad it in and of itself got some screentime because it’s always been one of my favorite iron man suits but here’s the thing: tony in the mcu? could not run that suit. the way the bleeding edge is actually supposed to work is that tony is literally, physically and mentally, wired into the goddamn thing. it’s the post-extremis suit. now, admittedly, we don’t know mcu tony hasn’t dosed himself up with a modified version of extremis but disney’s been real squeamish about one of tony’s biggest quirks, and that’s his willingness to tinker on his physiology to make himself a better, stronger, faster iron man. everything they’ve shown thus far as been so, so tame. popping a few sensors in his arm? yeah that was old news in the 80s. a cute little housing for nanomachinery? aha...boy is it really so much weirder than that. it doesn’t make sense that he can run that suit and the bleeding edge making an appearance the way it does makes no sense and-

the bleeding edge is literally supposed to be the physical representation of “the suit and i are one”.

comic-nerding aside, i’m taking this away from disney and using it for myself since while it’s sexy as hell, they did it wrong. no one ever said tony wasn’t a mad scientist - because he is.

so now that i’ve gotten that out, let’s talk how the wasteland special works. fallout has fev (forced evolutionary virus). it is, depending how you want to look at in, in combination with the background radiation, the source of most of mutation present in the wasteland. oversized scorpions? fev. giant crabs? fev. deathclaws? actually no that’s a whole ‘nother kettle of fish and they’re bascially chameleon chimeras but also fev. anyway, they’re also the cause of the super mutants. yeah. those guys. big. green. smash. starting to sound familiar to the marvels in the audience? a lot of this also depends on if you count the original turn-based fallouts as canon. so anyway, do you want to know what fev kind of works like? 616 extremis. and i’m pretty sure some of y’all already see where i’m going with this and you’re right, you’re right, but let me get there.

basically, what fev does is increase muscle mass and brain mass - in most cases. and there’s the sterility thing. and the fact that a lot of people think the whole...mental deficit present in most super mutants is caused by the corruption of genetic code due to radiation (but the debate rages onward whether it’s that or being exposed to the airborne version but whatever, it doesn’t apply here because-). in 616 tony doses himself up with extremis because he’s too slow to fight what’s called an enhancile (the other people who are enhanced with extremis), but he hacks it to do what he wants it to which allows him to basically wire himself into his suit directly and control it with a thought. this is how the bleeding edge comes about, because it goes a step further. instead of calling his suit from a room away and using precious seconds to do it, he starts...you know. keeping the suit inside of him. it’s nanomachinery, so it’s super light, and it’s literally right there in an instant if he needs it.

so what i’m saying is tony’s had a long time to get to the same point 616 tony has. it’s a natural conclusion to the watered down version of tony’s version of mad science in the mcu, and that’s that tony’s hacked the fev virus to make himself what he basically is now. which is...well, he’s still human, yeah. just...what he’d call the next link in the evolutionary chain. he’s a touch stronger - that wasn’t really his focus here, he has the suit for that - his brain works a little faster - very much intended - and yeah, he didn’t hack the sterility out. better that way. (i should point out there’s a difference between sterility and sexlessness - some super mutants are sexless like the nightkin, but some are just sterile (the east coast variant iirc) and he’s not a super mutant but it’s kinda like getting snipped, in a way).

none of that is actually important tho, because what this all boils down to is that tony’s carrying the wasteland special basically inside himself. like i said, it’s light in comparison to his other suits - adding a whole fifty pounds to his overall body weight and most of that in the hollows of his bones as opposed to the 200+ the regular suits do. he’s rewritten himself to be able to be a better pilot, because he and the suit are literally one in that sense now. and yes, i know how ridiculous this sounds but hey. welcome to comic soap operas. this is how things work for tony stark. check out the extremis run if you don’t believe me. the version of the virus he used was the east coast variant, though he didn’t know at the time that it was the institute’s take on it. so that’s an interesting little thread in the making with a sosu if anyone’s up for it, i’m js.

so what i’m saying is the wasteland special is the fallout version of the 616 bleeding edge. tony’s had a long time to think, tinker, and weigh the pros and cons of being that connected to the suit (remember, wasteland tony has not gone through iron man 3). and in a world of super mutants, giant death chameleons, people who’ll shoot you as soon as look at you, and fucking feral ghouls...well. the pros of being mentally and physically wired in outweigh the cons. it’s the natural progression tony goes through in 616, and tony is still tony no matter the medium, so he’s still going to have ideas like that whether you like it or not. it’s how his brain works.

thank you for attending my tedtalk.

#;; verse info #;; i wrote my name in the sky so remember me (v; fo4 companion)#// boy that got long but #// i'm trying to lay it out as to w h y #// it's just #// that's tony #// it's what he does #// he tinkers #// he is a bit doctor frankenstein #// as long as frankenstein's monster is himself #// anyway here is a thing i've been thinking about a lot lately

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