#if you join you might even get some roles if you’re unhinged enough

[numerous-bees-in-a-skin-suit]

HELLO

Join my voltron dragon prince au server!

the server was created with the dragon prince au in mind, but there’s a lot of other stuff going on there too. different aus, different fics, a few rewrites, and there’s awesome writers, great artists, and a lot of worldbuilding that happens!!

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[highladyluck]

AU thought: Nynaeve is born in Seanchan and raised from childhood as a damane

Immediate first thought (besides ‘why did you choose violence’) is that she’d probably be the best, still. She’s making it onto Tuon’s entourage. I am in pain thinking about it.

This is my AU, so I’m going to solve a personal mystery and say that her dad is Ajimbura & she’s from the Kaensada Hills. Let’s say her mom still died early from illness & dad still taught her how to hunt & track before she was tested. In fact, Ajimbura treated Nyneave as his son because he had seen her channeling at an unusually early age & was hoping declaring her his son could protect her from being made damane.

The Kaensada Hills are rural and unassimilated enough that this was not quite as useless an idea as it might seem, and let’s say they also had very functional ideas of gender roles- if someone does Man Things, they are A Man for all intents and purposes, or vice versa.

Spoiler: It doesn’t work, the sul’dam do eventually get around to testing even there and if there’s a saidar channeler, they’re gonna grab her. Nyneave becomes damane around 13. She still has that Talent for Healing, but because most Seanchan don’t want a damane working on them in that way, she’s only allowed to practice on other damane. It’s a Talent and not something that can be taught very well, which also dampens people’s enthusiasm about it since it’s not super replicable.

She’s still ridiculously powerful even with this somewhat problematic skill, though, and so she sees a lot of use in combat situations. Nyneave comes to Tuon’s attention when Nyneave’s sul’dam makes a judgement call & lets her bring one of Tuon’s favorite damane back from the brink of death after a combat injury. Tuon’s like ‘mine now’ and Nyneave joins the favorites squad.

Nyneave’s been with Tuon for ~6 years by the WH timeline. Once Ajimbura finds out where she is (since she’s higher-profile now that she’s with Tuon), he’s like ‘I must kill the Daughter of the Nine Moons’s father to avenge the loss of my son’ but her father is dead already (of ‘a bad wager’ in this timeline too) so he decides that as male captain of her bodyguard, Furyk Karede stands in loco parentis to Tuon, and therefore he must be killed.

After 3 failed revenge murder attempts, by the custom of his people, the debt rebounds upon Ajimbura and now he must become like Furyk Karede’s son and follow his trade.

This is the mechanism that Ajimbura’s people, distant descendants of the AoL Aiel, devised to stop blood feuds. If you try to revenge murder the same person three times & you can’t hack it, you have to join your enemy’s family instead and act in their interests. Most people don’t want to take that risk, or pick easier-to-kill enemies, so there’s a lot of trophy-hunting instead, kind of like how the Aiel have implemented complex prisoner of war rules so less people die.

So that’s why Ajimbura is Karede’s unhinged manservant in THIS universe. Still wish I knew why he’s there in canon!

Because I do not want Nyneave to suffer unduly, let’s say she comes with Tuon instead of Mylen (whose battlefield-medicine-descended-Healing is less impressive when compared to Nyneave’s Talent). Nyneave also represents Seanchan supremacy in a homegrown ‘we’re better than you’ way rather than a ‘we’ll brainwash you all’ way. Slightly different message, similar outcome.

She gets captured by our heroes at some point & basically has some of Alivia’s arc after that, but because she worked with Tuon and has insider info on her, she’s got more to do in Rand’s inner circle than just make people uncomfortable & lay out his outfit for the rest of his life. Actually, you know what, let’s full-circle this, the former Wisdom of Emond’s Field is Alivia Al’Meara & she’s the one who makes the call to uncollar Nyneave when she asks for it.

Also, Nyneave becomes friends with Aviendha because Avi meets her once and is like ‘forgive me but you’re the spitting image of my second-sister’s first-daughter’ (or whatever) and then they figure out that the Kaensada Hills tribes are also descended from AoL Aiel, and this connection becomes very important later on when the Kaensada Hills tribes strike out for independence in the aftermath of the entire Imperial family being murdered & the civil wars in mainland Seanchan.

[sam-t-a]

Okay. 

*Deep breath* 

I think I’m finally calm enough to put into words exactly why I hated the finale and why I wasn’t completely surprised that I hated it. 

(Heads-up: this is really long and pretty negative. If you disagree, I would of course appreciate your point of view and love to hear it, but just thought I’d let you know in case this is the kind of post you would like to avoid.)

To me, it felt like every character on the show got betrayed in some way or another, but the main ones are Han Seo (devastatingly), Chayoung (obviously) and Han Seok (bear with me). 

Cha Young: 

She started out as a solid FL who annoyed some people for sure, but who had so much promise as someone unconventional and bold. The way her mother’s death affected her and caused a clear shift in her personality was a super interesting plot point that really never got explored. We have no idea how she came to sacrifice her morality in joining Wusang, just that she wanted to spite her father, which is a very superficial exploration. She gets cute idiosyncrasies in lieu of an actual character and an actual character arc. 

We also, halfway through the show, seem to forget that her father's death was the initial trigger. Cha young does not suggest bold ideas or intricate plans, she doesn’t fill the gaps Vincenzo is incapable of filling (because that would require that Vincenzo have flaws, and that’s not something the writers can abide), and she’s literally victimized in episode 19 and bedridden in episode 20, and that is IT. 

Someone who started out supposedly as Vincenzo’s equal just became another piece in his chess set, no matter how important a piece she may be. 

So her role as a badass avenger is trashed. That leaves her role as a love interest. Now, as Vincenzo’s love interest, she was supposed to get kidnapped in like episode 5 or 6 at the most if the villain has any brains whatsoever (Han Seok may or may not, more on that later). We need a reason for that not to happen too early. Cue villain is somehow in love with her for all of 15 minutes or so throughout a 20-episode series because a love triangle is inconceivable with the show’s current structure and for its purposes. 

So, she spends 15 or so episodes making the first move on Vincenzo, every time, putting herself out there, creating cute moments, getting nothing in return, and then he leaves. No confession, nothing much, he wasn’t even going to say goodbye or give her the choice of coming with him. 

I’m sure more chayenzo-oriented fans have already expressed all the necessary outrage over this, so I’ll move on to the part that I’ve personally been way more emotionally invested in from the get go: the Jang brothers. 

Han Seo: 

I was among the minority that  hated the “Vinny hyung” angle from the get-go and I’ve ranted about it in another post, so I won’t get into it here in-depth, but basically it was because I felt like Vincenzo hadn’t earned it, so to have the last words Han Seo hears be “You deserve to be my brother” or whatever the fuck he was on about PISSED ME OFF. It’s VINCENZO who doesn’t deserve to be Han Seo’s brother and hasn’t done a single thing to earn it. He was a good ally. The situation he allowed Han Seo to be a part of was beneficial to him, but Han Seo’s attachment to him was neither healthy nor heartwarming, and it certainly wasn’t returned on the level he offered it.

Vincenzo’s disregard of his death didn’t strike me as odd because I never saw enough indications that this was a two-way street and Han Seo’s safety and well-being came second so often that I didn’t get the impression Vincenzo was doing much to keep him alive. This is what I meant when I said the show was glorifying a torture survivor’s trauma responses. Han Seo himself, as a torture survivor, meant nothing to them. He was just there to create one more contrived comparison between Vincenzo and Han Seok. Instead of recovering from the trauma, it’s simply employed to someone else’s favor. He doesn’t go to prison for Han Seok, he takes a bullet for Vincenzo, and we’re supposed to see that as so much better.

All of that might (JUST MIGHT) not have ruined the show for me if he’d died better. 1) It was narratively pointless and totally avoidable, 2) they could’ve framed it as heroic, but instead Han Seok’s hand patting his head is pushing it down, so he can’t even get shot with his chin up and his back straight, Taec’s already taller, so the angle’s fucked and the whole cinematography screamed “kicking an injured puppy” and most certainly NOT “survivor finally stands up to his abuser”. The final nail in the proverbial and literal coffin is that he is mourned by no one. They’re FLIRTING not 3 MINUTES LATER, it felt so tone deaf and left such a bad taste. As I said, I didn’t expect significant mourning from Vincenzo (gotta say, I didn’t expect no mourning, that was a shocker), and Cha young and the tenants had no real interactions with him and no reason to mourn him, which left only one person who could. 

Which brings me to Han Seok. 

Han Seok started out as a solid villain, clear goals, clear skills that help him achieve his goals and basically make him a villain worth defeating, and a very complex relationship with both his own psychopathy and his brother. 

Let me get it out of the way: I do not believe Han Seok is capable of killing Han Seo because he had every reason and every opportunity to do so in previous episodes and couldn’t do it (I say couldn’t because a certain degree of reluctance is in itself inability). Han Seo’s danger far outweighed his material value the minute he shot Han Seok and then completely lost any value once he came out to the world as the chairman and it became clear that the prosecution would be going after him if anything happened, and not his brother. But time and again, he’s proven he’s all bark and no bite when it comes to Han Seo (killing-wise, specifically). 

The scene where he asks him to beat Vincenzo to death could be interpreted as him wanting to give Vincenzo the “painful death” he would have given him, but honestly, I think he was way past that point. He just wanted him dead in the “You crazy? we have to kill him before he kills us” sense. To that end, killing off a key ally of Vincenzo’s, who betrayed you and almost got you killed a bunch of times, should take priority, but Han Seok’s priority is reclaiming Han Seo by forcing him back onto his side. Now, much like his “love for Cha young”, Han Seok’s keenness on not killing his brother was essential to the writers so that Han Seo can justifiably make it this far and still be useful to Vincenzo (he can’t help if Han Seok completely excludes him from all events, plans and management processes, so Han Seok needs to want to keep him on his side enough not to do that even when it’s more prudent). 

All of this isn’t to say it’s unbelievable that he would kill Han Seo, but it’s DEFINITELY unbelievable that he would stay the same man after killing him. Someone here (I’m sorry, I don’t rememebr who) once said that Han Seo had become, over time, far more of a foil to his brother than Vincenzo was. To me, this means that Post-Han Seo Han Seok would be out of balance (tilted screen), unhinged in a way he never was before. The Han Seok we see shrugs and “oh, well”-s and moves on in a flash, not really any different from the villain he was four minutes and a whole brother earlier. 

This is very consistent with the way the show has been de-humanizing him from the start. I’m not saying this to defend Han Seok in any way, he’s a serial killer, an abuser and a total maniac. But you can be all those things and still a human being. In fact, you can ONLY be those things if you’re a human being. The show used its villain vs villain idea to justify a lot, but in the end, Vincenzo had to be a protagonist. He had to follow up every “I’m a villain” with a contrived “but at least I’m not (insert something worse)”. 

On the level of humans:

1) Vincenzo is supposedly different because he doesn’t hurt children or women (unless the women deserve it, and shooting a parent in front of their kid doesn’t count as hurting.) 

But we never see Han Seok hurting women or children either. In fact, if we proceed with the “chayoung is the myung hee of the good guys” comparison, he hasn’t hurt any women nearly as badly as Vincenzo did. 

2) Babel vs Mafia 

Babel’s corruption is compared a lot to the mafia, with Vincenzo commenting repeatedly that the people are WORSE than the mafia...which is bullshit. Babel is a set of companies that provide goods and services, but use illegal means to maximize their profit, so they hurt/kill people in the process because they want more money and care about money more than ethics. The Mafia is an inherently criminal organization that functions PURELY on the basis of its criminality. Every single dime Vincenzo spends is blood money. None of it is clean. And while we’re on the topic, I find the whole “taking Miri under his wing” thing pretty unreasonable too because he tried to have her killed you guys, I cannot believe we’re just glossing over that. He had everyone who worked on that vault killed, just random fucking construction workers. And he’s not sorry. And the show tells you he shouldn’t be. 

3) Repentance

Han Seok says outright he won’t atone, and while Vincenzo says no such thing out loud he just...doesn’t repent, I guess. He keeps the blood money, he goes back to being a full-time mafia dude doing mafia things. He leaves the same man he arrived. 

So, if on the level of harm inflicted upon humanity, Vincenzo and Han Seok are pretty much equal (and Vincenzo might actually be worse), then why should we root for Vincenzo? 

Well, my friend, that’s where the dehumanization comes in! 

I was initially very excited to see their portrayal of a psychopath because of the very interesting ways in which the informal moral code and official justice system surrounding a psychopath/sociopath/narcissist affect their behavior and their chances of not turning out rotten, and the show looked like it was looking at corruption in general. 

But as the show went on, the villain vs villain thing proved not to be enough, Vincenzo has to be better in some way (or if you’re as obsessed with him as the writers are, then ALL ways), so it became a villain vs monster narrative. Vincenzo isn’t ethical or fair or in any way interested in having a remotely positive impact on society, but at least he’s A HUMAN BEING unlike SOMEBODY. So, the characterization goes to shit, Han Seok becomes a cartoon card-board cut out of a villain and emphasis is put on how pointless his violence is, as opposed to how purposeful Vincenzo’s is. 

This is dangerous on multiple levels (and I promise this is the last point I’m making). 

1) For people in general, dehumanizing abusers/murderers/etc. makes us very liable to forget that you don’t have to be “a monster” to cause harm, and it makes people complacent in their belief that they are “not bad people” since they aren’t total monsters. The Banality of Evil is a thing, and in this series, it goes completely ignored. No one is inherently incapable of good or inherently undeserving of humanity. 

2) For victims of abuse in specific, it’s dangerous to portray abusers (including serial killer and non-serial killer ones) as entirely bad and unlovable, because it poses the dual risk of making victims less likely to acknowledge their abuse if it comes from someone who cares about or loves them on some level because the idea that someone cannot both love and hurt you is so stereotypical. Your abuser can genuinely want you in their lives and need you and, on some level, love you, and IT DOESN’T MATTER if that love doesn’t stop them from hurting you. 

On the other hand, portraying the victims of abuse as capable of flipping an off switch and hating the abuser with no hesitation or second thoughts to the point of unapologetically and cheerfully helping someone kill them and having no mixed feelings about it sends the message that if you CAN’T do that, then are you really abused? Are sure you’re not complicit in your own abuse? Do you even want to get rid of them? 

So this is basically why the way the show ended was so painfully disappointing for me. And the main reason it hit so hard was that it was initially so good and had so much promise. I really expected more.

[kaladin-mymorningstar]

bnha is fucking relatable

*SPOILERS*

First of all, I am in love with this role reversal--

Bakugou used to be the one shrugging off everyone else, determined to do things on his own, hurting people close to him because he thought he had to be strong alone--and damn that poor boy was so depressed--

Deku was always all optimistic and happy and team-work oriented, and let’s all play nice and keep the status quo, worship the heroes and quickly forgive, compassion for everyone--

Now Deku’s actively rejecting his mentor, shoving people away, working alone because he thinks he has to do everything himself--he’s seen people he loves be hurt, and he’s taking too much on himself--which he has always done--and it’s been seen as a mark of heroism but now it’s too much and it’s making him depressed and unhinged and bitter--

And now Bakugou is the calm and collected one, the one that’s coming to help him, to reconnect him to his friends and get him accept help, accept weakness, accept the need for others--

While STILL BEING HIMSELF--like Best Jeanist and All Might are his mentor figures and he does value their opinions and input, but there is no part of him that bends to what they say. Best Jeanist wants him to have a respectable name? Fuck that, he’s the Great Explosion Murder God Dynamight! All Might wants him to be a nice, easy-going person like Deku? Fuck that, he’s Bakugou, he’s aggressively kind the same way he’s aggressively passionate, he’s going to be the number one hero his OWN damn way--

And anyway, I think Bakugou is honestly ahead in all of this because he’s been on both sides now, he knows what it’s like to be alone and he knows that it’s not actually better, despite knowing full well how shitty people can be (lest you forget that he has known about Endeavor this entire time, not to mention that he’s been through ALL the same events and shit that Deku has)--but he doesn’t let that make him question his own morals and goals, instead just strengthening and broadening his own motivations to be heroic--and I think it only makes sense that he’s going to be instrumental in helping Deku out of whatever place he’s in right now--

And maybe this is just because of what I’m going through in my own life right now, but I relate to so much of this arc--yeah it’s kind of dark and a depressing and morally questionable and I miss the LOV (WHERE are my baby psychopaths?!) and Class 1A (Minaaaaaa), but also it feels like adulthood in so many ways--

Because growing up for me, everything was innocent and fun, you enjoy time with your friends and everything fits into nice black-and-white categories, it’s easy to identify who is good and who is bad, and bad things happen but there’s a righteous heroic entity out there (whether that’s God or fate or government or celebrities or whatever) that’s leading the world in change and helping and serving the weak and making a difference and things will always ultimately end up okay--

And then you grow up a little more and then that entity feels like a lie--God lets people suffer, the government only cares about power and money, fate doesn’t give a shit about all the good you’ve tried to do, healthcare is a fucked-up business, some humans are significantly less equal than other humans and hello misogyny and racism and transphobia and hate crimes and violence, your heroes are actually assholes and your family is actually manipulative and your friends will turn on you in an instant--

Trying to find meaning and hope and joy after that is fucking DIFFICULT, and it can make you crazy and bitter and jaded--

We’ve got Hawks, who is a victim of this society too--turns out that the hero that’s gotten him through so much is an abusive dick (that maybe is trying to do better but definitely not enough, but also he’s a powerful asset that does actually try to protect people, so that’s all just morally gray humanity for you)--his predecessor joined the other side, and can you blame her? and can you blame Hawks for being emotionally invested in her--and he’s trying to make an ideal world of good and kindness, but that goal means so much to him that’s he’s lost sight of the actions along the way too, or else he wouldn’t have killed Twice (my LOVE) or continued to work with Endeavor, except to him it seems like the only option now, and ISN’T it the only option that has been presented to him?--

And Lady Nagant who is just so damaged, the poor thing--who is like so many protagonists of our contemporary action movies, doing the dirty work and killing people to maintain society, except she actually is having a realistic moral conundrum about it, because so many people turn a blind eye to the crimes we commit in order to have our lavish lives (don’t even get me started on the genocide of Native Americans)--

And Death Arms, who I’ve always loved, who has tried so hard to selflessly be a good person and fight for good, and finally hit his limit--I can relate, I was a nurse during COVID-19, it is thankless and back-breaking to begin with, and then when people make FUN of you for something as stupid as wearing a mask, let alone criticizing and attacking your entire career and scrutinizing your every action like poor Death Arms--like yeah, fuck that

And when you’re a heart-on-your-sleeve, optimistic, cares-about-people-so-much-you’d-do-anything-for-them person like Deku, that is actively praised for those attributes--waking up to reality fucking SUCKS. Now people are taking advantage of you, telling you that you’re-not-actually-supposed-to-care-about-human-rights-and-happiness, that having your heart on your sleeve is actually a vulnerability and a weakness and how dare you want to FEEL anything in this society, you have to look out for yourself first--and then he actually does that, and now people think he’s a villain--

Like, damn. I relate to this a lot. 

[invisibleinorange]

Chapters: 5/? Fandom: Bridgerton Rating: M Warnings: None at this point. Relationships: Colin Bridgerton/Penelope Featherington,  Eloise Bridgerton/Penelope Featherington(besties),  Bridgerton Family Dynamics, Marina Thompson/Phillip Crane, Eloise Bridgerton/Phillip Crane, Kate Sheffield/Anthony Bridgerton, Daphne Bridgerton/Simon Hastings Characters: Colin Bridgerton,  Penelope Featherington, Eloise Bridgerton, Phillip Crane, Benedict Bridgerton, Daphne Bridgerton, Additional Tags:  Bridgerton, Polin

Summary: Colin Bridgerton is weary from travel and decides to spend the summer at the Aubrey Hall. While his initial plans were to avoid his perfect family, he ends up sharing the house with Eloise and Penelope. This is a Modern AU!

Penelope had always been a pretty girl but when she came down the stairwell with Eloise at her side prepared for their evening out, Colin’s jaw practically came unhinged. If she was looking to give him a heart attack, she was succeeding. His pupils widened and felt stomach clench in anxiety and desire.  

It probably had to do with the fact she was in a dress that contoured to her body, left little to the imagination and was dangerously short.  He wasn’t sure whether to jump her right there on against the stair railings or throw a coat on her.

“Get a grip on yourself,” Eloise murmured, rolling her eyes at him.

He took a moment pondering whether it would be appropriate to suggest that he wanted to get a grip on Penelope instead.  He opted for a different direction.  A joke about masturbation might earn less ire.

“I love to but we’d be late to meet up with Phillip,” he retorted before offering his arm to Penelope.  He waited for her to latch on before offering his other to his sister.

Penelope could overhear Eloise murmuring the word disgusting as she did latch on and they made their way outside to a waiting ride.  There was no sense in any of them driving if they were to drink and Colin hadn’t saw fit to force anyone into the Designated Driver role. It was far easier to all pile in and let someone else do the heavy lifting of getting them to the bar they’d agreed to meet up at.

Colin had made up his mind that he was going to get the seat in the back with Penelope.  There was absolutely no way he was sitting in the front with the driver.

“I’ll let you have the front,” he offered Eloise.  “You’ll have more room to spread out.”

She didn’t go for that though.

“I’d really rather sit in the back with Pen,” Eloise told him, sizing him up with her eyes.

“We could all sit in the back then,”  Colin said knowing there would be no convincing his sister otherwise.

“I can sit in the front if it’s a problem,” Penelope offered after a moment, not wanting to be in the middle of a sibling fight.

Colin and Eloise both let out a “no” at the same time. They’d at least found one thing to agree about.

Penelope let out a laugh at that.

“Okay then,” she told them letting them sort out who was going to sit where.  She had the whole night to hang out with Colin so she wasn’t terribly fussed about where. Eloise was the smallest of the group so it made sense if he took the middle seat.

She was surprised when somehow she ended up in the middle though. She felt a bit ridiculous squeezed into the space but as long as there wasn’t an argument about it and they reached their destination, she wasn’t going to complain.

She wasn’t completely sure the seat belt was going to even fasten. She couldn’t help but squirm when she felt Colin reaching under her try and find it, spending a little more time than necessary to try and help her get the job done.

“You really do look incredible,” he murmured quietly to her, hoping the vehicle’s music would keep the words beyond his sister’s ears. He didn’t need or want commentary.

Those five words were enough to make Penelope’s cheeks pink in the dark.  She had a feeling she’d stay a particularly rosy shade if the night continued on this path.

She might have been trapped between Colin and Eloise but Colin’s proximity was the only one that felt electric.  One glance at Colin and she could almost read his mind.

He was debating how many times his sister might bounce if he pushed her out of the car.

--

The ride itself to the city wasn’t long.  There was literally no person who wasn’t eager to get out of the car when they got there.  Colin easily spotted tall, unassuming Phillip standing against the brick façade waiting on them.

He offered a hand shake upon approach.

“I’m glad you could find a sitter,” he said with a smile before gesturing to Penelope.  “This is Penelope and …”  He then gestured to Eloise, “And this is my pain in the ass little sister.”

“I’m Phillip,” he said greeting both girls though Colin completely picked up on the fact his sister didn’t have a remark. He gave her a glance and immediately questioned whether using Phillip as a distraction was a good idea.  Eloise was practically melting into the sidewalk and he’d never seen her with that look on her face. Why was his sister looking at Phillip like that?

“I’m Eloise,” she said afraid, offering her arm. As Eloise started off inside with Phillip, Colin couldn’t help but shake his head in disbelief.  He waited for a second before looking at Penelope who looked a bit stunned and amused herself.

“Don’t ask me. I’ve never seen her act like that around a guy before,” Penelope said as she latched onto Colin, her laughter filling the warm night as they followed behind him.

“Do I let it play out or do I immediately remind her that he’s grieving?”  Colin couldn’t help but ask.

“You let it play out,” Penelope told him. “Maybe if she’s distracted, I’ll be able to get a dance or two in with you without her trying to dance in-between us.”

“She never tried to dance in-between us at parties before,” Colin couldn’t help but say. He was amused to hear Penelope glad that Eloise was distracted though.

“The way people dance in front of their mothers is entirely different than the way they dance at a bar,” Penelope couldn’t help but muse.

Colin grinned wickedly at that. She did make a very valid point. He shot a glance toward his sister who had dragged Phillip toward a booth to get some drinks.  Phillip was well aware of the fact he was dying to get a little one on one time with Penelope so if they just happened to not go join them for the first round it wouldn’t be so bad.

“Shall we dance then, Pen?”

--

Eloise was the absolute last thing on Colin’s mind once he was on the dance floor with Penelope. She’d always been an exceptional dancer but there was actually a big difference between formalized dances at boring society events and this.

He loved the fact that she wasn’t shy about the way she leaned back into him, guided his arms around hers or the way they swayed to the music.  The warmth of her curves against his was enough to distract him from anything.

He’d planned to have a few drinks himself but he was stone cold sober and he was grateful for it, especially when he decided to spin her around to face him so he could bring her even closer.

His gaze fell on hers and he wasn’t sure he’d ever seen Penelope more alive as she shifted, filled any space that might have dared exist between them. His hand went had respectfully stayed on the small of her back, couldn’t help but find its way to her ass.

“I need to confess something,” he told her, leaning his tall body down enough so that she might have a fighting chance of hearing him.

Her eyes met his and she seemed to be debating whether to tell him to go ahead or not but her face softened and she decided to cut him off at the pass.

“I’ve always wanted you,” she told him confessing the truth of the matter.

He’d planned to say something along the same lines or at least that he wanted her and that he’d probably always had and hadn’t quite realized just how much until recently but the words didn’t come out.

Instead he dipped his head down and pressed his mouth to hers, a free hand tangling in her red curls as he showed her just how much he wanted her too.

Penelope received the message loud and clear, her shorter body pushing against his until she had Colin against a hard wall in some dark corner. It was certainly far from private but the shadows were at least somewhat more private than the dance floor.

Never in his most erotic dreams had he imagined Penelope would be the aggressor in this situation and yet there they were and it was all he could do to keep it together as he tried to regain some control, spinning her around until she was the one against the wall. He was too much of a gentleman to take her there but he certainly wasn't going to miss the opportunity to make her beg for it.  Then again, he was probably the one who ought to be begging for it.

“You’re going to be the death of me,” he murmured against her lips. “But I wouldn’t have it any other way.”

[project-paranoia]

Live Watch: Guardian  Episode One, Part One

It's Guardian!  The show that got me interested in this genre!  I love spooky things and I love mysteries and fantasy!  I simply adore it so much!  When I can't sleep I just put on a playlist of Guardian in the background.  I was aware of censorship before - every country has some version of it, but to some degree this was my first deep dive into how it might effect a piece of media.  Guardian is exceptionally acted and incredibly written, as well as suffering from obvious dubs where the dubbing voice actor sounds nothing like the previous actor and odd cuts that are disrupted.  In some ways it's the little drama that could fighting its way past their studio going bankrupt while they were filming, reshoots, and being taken down and altered several times.

In some ways Guardian's struggle fits the spirit and aesthetic of the show. Worn in like an old pair of jeans but still making an effort.  Putting emphasis where things count and hoping the kindness of the universe will make allowances for the rest.  Attention to detail where the story really matters.  It has the charm of a community production put on out of love with actors and crew who would not be anywhere else in the world for any amount of money.  That feeling of love comes through, and whether or not I'm barely literate I have so many words to share.

Part of why I love it as well is it has that feeling of 80s and 90s fantasy, like Moomin, Xena or Condor Heroes. Everything feels lived in, nothing's been spit shined except for Shen Wei's suits. It's an old city street of a show, it has history and character built in. 

*After all that I don't know that I have a tonne to say about the intro.  It's very good but it's also full of spoilers.  I think having the intro song be in English does make a difference in making it appealing to English speaking audiences as well as standing out as different and interesting, which the show is. Speaking of Spoilers!  Spoilers below!

* The obligatory beginning narration is beautifully animated, I have another post that will be done some time before the heat-death of the universe talking about the fascinating world building options.  Unlike some Make It SciFi plots, this one has legs and implications.

* Remakes rarely are able to meet the original on equal ground - and I struggle to believe the actors would Fit as well - but part of me really wants to have a chance to have the Dixingren worldbuilding really leaned into.  The writing is good enough we get implication but no real follow through.  I want fifty episodes of how Dixing functions, give me more pseudo-science behind the mutations, what are the biological differences.  I'm hungry for more!

* I love the cameos of later characters, and the way there was some effort to be discrete with spoilers.

* It's Ya Boy!  I love Shen Wei.  With that music cue and that sinister turn around they really set him up as dubious.  I wish they went with something a little different with the intro so his character wasn't spoiled.  The writing, directing, and acting was so good and spoiling who Shen Wei is kind of took the teeth out of that.

* Also cheers to the costume designer who outfitted Zhu Yilong so well and made him look jacked with the fit of those clothes.

* Also you can tell this is a real university because the staff has to sit in tiny student chairs.  I'm not joking, please be warned if you're going into academia.  Unless you have tenure life is An Adventure - and even then.

* Also shout out to Shen Wei's Prized Cabbage and the Queen of our hearts, Li Qian.  Why is this actress not in more things?  She has such an expressive and lovely face and she really goes all the way in with her acting.  I respect an artist that acts from their chest. Also that windbreaker, white skirt combo is chic and fun all at once, it draws the eye and makes her melt into the background all at once - perfect for the character.  I love her so much.

* Here's another one of Shen Wei's coats, it's a lovely color for him but it also is so thin that it looks like it crinkled up just from being worn.

* I'm being distracted by details and missing plot stuff.

* Story of my life.

* I love Li Qian hovering along behind Shen Wei like a duckling following their mother.  A) Mood and B) it quietly informs their dynamic.  Shen Wei has like one person he can trust but no one he can really confide in and it's the same for Li Qian. A ship will find a port in a storm and Shen Wei has Big Da-ge Energy. My fanfic heart hopes they found comfort in the pseudo familial relationship with each other while it lasted.

* Even in episode one we receive foreshadowing, we love and respect some excellent writing.  For those of you who missed it - Professor Ouyang is talking about Lin Jing who I love partially because he's so outrageous large but has the total opposite of intimidating energy.  

* What did they feed you Lin Jing? He is so tall and wide, but they do a lot with camera work to try to make him not quite as big.  Side note, I would really love to see the actor who plays Lin Jing (Liu Minting) both in more dramas but more specifically in a role where he was like a minister or scholar - someone intellectual.  I think the combination of being such a big gentleman and also someone who like plots or plans would be really dynamic if it was written well.  

* Also I like the exchange where without a word Professor Ouyang indicates he has one last thing to say, it's private and that he would like Shen Wei to ask Li Qian to leave. That's What You Can Do With Good Actors!

* Li Qian is just so pretty and the actress emotes so well!

* Shen Wei totally understanding what's going on with this shady research immediately and wanting to stay as far away as possible.  We see one of the first examples of him being aggressively polite to remove himself from a situation.

* "i'M jUST aN oRDINARY sCHOLAR." No one buys it Shen Wei.

* Angy Thinking Face

* One thing the show is really good at is using establishing shots really well so you always know where everything is and everything is going

* Guo Changcheng, all around good boy and angel.  We stan a nervous legend

* Zhou Yunlan Arriving.  Why is everyone on this show an Absolute Legend

* Guo Changcheng protecting himself with his certificate is too cute.  This young man is trying his best and I support him.

* Also that coat is Young, Pure, Stylish; I love it

* Zhao Yunlan, what's wrong with you? You are amazing!

* His irreverent style and disregard of usual policy makes him fit in really well with his band of misfits and special cases

* Guo Changcheng's OO face is too good, elastic face

* Da Qing my love!

* Jin Ling, I think he has an all seeing eye on his hoodie thing. Illuminati Confirmed.

* Also they filmed the shots so well, so you always know where everyone is in relation to everyone else

* Our Prized Cabbage!  I love her!

* Great handheld work: shaky and unhinged, but not migraine inducing

* Foreshadowing in the form of a shadow and reaching for the necklace

* Da Qing's cat behaviours. I really want behind the scenes of the actor discussing how cat was he going to cat

* We get our first real example of how Zhao Yunlan doesn't feel safe emoting negatively and so he uses a super sunny mask to hide his feelings, except with Da Qing who he lets his anger show with because he trusts him.

* I'm not even halfway through and I've written so much, peace and blessings to the readers of this.

* Zhao Yunlan's swagger, after his childhood having a little power must feel comforting and good

* I love how Da Qing is talking as a cat less than a meter from the medical examiner.  Does the examiner not care or does he know?  Is he deaf?

* Harassing Guo Changcheng is the new team sport

* Zhao Yunlan Realises Something Music

* Also, Lollipop Measurement

* It's nice to see Zhao Yunlan just being himself with Da Qing, he's able to really be honest and genuine with him

* Slow Look Moment

* This moment is so fascinating!  Shen Wei doesn't know what's going on yet.  He just sees an old friend who winces when he sees him and disappears.  We mostly see things from Zhao Yunlan's point of view, but from Shen Wei's perspective this is a first part of just some Odd and Confusing Happenings

* This cat though!  I love him!

* The delicate way they’re both feeling each other out.  This must be so confusing and startling for Shen Wei and Zhao Yunlan is trying to figure out if this teacher is going to bust him or what.

* He forgot to let go, way to set off Zhao Yunlan’s suspicions

* “Mark Stewart” Is he though?  Who picked out that English name?

* Li Qian!  I love her and I love that striped blouse. Fashion.  Got to look good when you’re resisting a mental break. *Also she hears a meow and looks around at eye level, I love that for her.

* Zhao Yunlan!  You can’t take pictures of young ladies without their permission.  What is wrong with you!

* I love Da Qing’s very cat attitude of I Will Have Vengeance for These Wrongs

* Two for one! Shen Wei meets two faces from his past.

* Also, I get a little frustrated about people making a big deal about the 10,000 years versus 1,000 years age thing with Da Qing.  a) He has amnesia and b) the thousand years refers to the amount of time needed to cultivate to a certain stage in Chinese mythology - usually by absorbing energy from the sun, moon, or depending on the animal other sources.

* I feel so bad for Shen Wei, who knows what he thinks.  Were his friends brainwashed?  Did they forget?  Can they not say for some reason?  What is happening?

This review is getting a little long, so join in tomorrow for Part Two~~!

[spiffyspuffy]

My Mystic Messenger Opinions

(That no one asked for)

Zen

Character: 8/10 I know a lot of people think Zens annoying but I find him endearing. One of the best things about this game is the complexity of the characters and I love that Zen’s cockiness is actually how he hides his insecurities. Even though he’s egotistical about himself, he’s never shallow with MC. He says multiple times that he doesn’t care about MC’s looks. He loves her for who she is and shows this in how he makes an effort to get to know her and be her cheerleader everyday. An underrated thing about Zen is how emotionally intelligent he is. He’s great at helping the RFA members when they need emotional support (Yoosung’s grief over loosing Rika, Jaehee crying from the stress of her job and MC’s shock at almost being kidnapped). 

Route: 2/10 Zen is a great character and he deserves a better route. The false rape accusation plot is horrible and offensive. Also, his route functions as an introduction to the game’s plot, so it’s exposition heavy and lacks action. The creators said that the lesson of his route is that when our insecurities are handled in a healthy way, they can push us to be better people. I love this message and I wish it had been highlighted more in his route.

Romantic Potential: 9/10 Zen is arguably the most dateable of all the characters. He’s a bad boy without being sketchy. He’s protective without being possessive. He’s kind without being a pushover and he’s smart without being pretentious. His biggest drawbacks are his overconfidence and and how busy he is with working. There aren’t any glaring red flags. 

~ More under the cut ~ 

Jeahee

Character: 7/10 I love this adorable theater nerd! She comes across as formal and stuffy at first, but reveals herself to be passionate and funny the more you get to know her. I gave her a lower score because she does have a strong personality that rubs me the wrong way sometimes (her jealousy of MC in Zen’s route, her lack of sympathy towards Jumin in her own route and her general rudeness towards Yoosung). She is the most mature of the RFA though, so her exasperation is warranted. Being mature and grounded also makes Jaehee the least complex Mysme character. I’ve got a lot of respect for her though!

Route: 5/10 Getting to engage in discourse about capitalism and the patriarchy? Amazing and hands down the best part of her route. It’s really inspiring to see Jaehee stand up for herself and choose to follow her dreams. I think it’s important for every young person to hear that they should have a positive work/life balance and demand that their employer supports that. Other highlights are Seven helping Jaehee by making the Power Point presentation for Jumin’s cat project, getting to fangirl with Jaehee over Zen and the creepy stalker plot. I thoroughly enjoy her route and the only reason the score is so low is because some of the other routes are seriously incredible.

Romantic Potential: 8/10 Jeahee doesn’t have any red flags either. I think she’s perfectly capable of having a healthy, romantic relationship with MC. The biggest issue standing in their way is Korea’s bias against lesbian relationships. As a fellow coffee lover and theater enthusiast though, I could definitely see myself or someone similar having a happy life with her, even if it might have to be in secret.

Yoosung

Character: 6/10 I can’t stand people who aren’t competent. Yoosung is a terrible cook, he barely cleans and he doesn’t pay attention to his studies. On top of that, 80% of his personality is that he’s a gamer AND he’s in love with his “dead” adopted cousin. Yuck. ~ But ~ I understand that he’s depressed and depression can seriously effect someone’s executive functioning. Taking all of those negatives away, we’re left with a young man who’s trying to his best to be taken seriously, which is something I can relate to. It’s nice to see imposter syndrome represented and I admire his loyalty to his friends. 

Route: 8/10 This route is sooo good! Who can forget the night when the RFA starts being aggressively stalked by Minty Eye? And the pic Zen takes of a believer looking at him through his apartment window...chills. His route only gets better from there when he infiltrates Mint Eye with Seven. This is the first time we get to see the twins interact and damn, is it confusing. But in a good way!!   The biggest drawback is that MC is stuck in Rika’s apartment and doesn’t play much of an active role in the story. 

Romantic Potential: 7/10 Despite all the negatives I listed about Yoosung, I do think he’s capable of have a healthy, romantic relationship with MC. Yoosung is also the only true sub of the RFA men, which is a definite plus for some players. Yoosung’s yandere side is a huge red flag though. MC better watch out if she doesn’t dote on him as much as he wants. Once he falls for her, he’s all in. 

Jumin

Character: 5/10 Unpopular opinion, but I hate Jumin. I understand that he’s some people’s guilty pleasure though. Jumin’s good aspects are that he’s intensely loyal, an animal lover and has a dry sense of humor. I appreciate how devoted he is to the RFA and it’s members. He offers to help Zen multiple times (albeit rejected), sends everyone body guards in his route and pays the hospital in the SE to keep Saeran’s identity top secret. What I’m not a fan of is the way he obsesses over MC and traps her in his house. This isn’t the first time he’s shown obsessive tendencies either. Seven explicitly states that Jumin acted this way with Rika in the past. Huuuge red flag.  

Route: 3/10 His entire route is fraught with rich people problems. I’m supposed to sympathize with him for an arranged marriage? All he had to do was say no. His father couldn’t force him. He’s possessive of MC because women have only ever wanted to be with him for his money? Not an excuse. Elizabeth going missing was a vaguely interesting story line, but Jumin’s relationship with his cat was cringey enough to overshadow the drama of it for me.

Romantic Potential: 3/10 Jumin has some serious issues. He’s never had a good female role model which has given him a deep seeded hatred of women. Remember when he tells MC that respecting women goes against his core beliefs? Yikes. Then, after meeting a woman who respects him and he actually likes, he locks her up and tries to change everything about her (cutting her hair, buying her a new wardrobe, teaching her the ‘proper’ way to walk, etc). We’re supposed to believe Jumin learns to be better by the end of his route, but he still proposes to MC after only a week of knowing her! I’m having a hard time picturing Jumin in a healthy relationship. 

Saeyoung

Character: 10/10 I’m not saying Saeyoung is a good person. Far from it actually. But he IS very well written and extremely interesting. In the other routes, Saeyoung is energetic and funny, bringing much needed humor to heavy moments. It’s always a joy being in a chatroom with him. Then you have the reveal that he actually hates his job and that he was faking his personality, all to a sad and slowed down version of his theme song. This plot twist shook me to my core. What makes him so well written is that the devs did a good job dropping hints to his real personality in the other routes that players might not notice during their first play through. 

Route: 9/10 This route is a wild ride from start to finish. This is when the plot threads from the other routes come together and start make sense. This route has secret agents, assassins, a deadly bomb, kidnapping, an evil twin, a powerful cult... It’s action heavy while still carrying enough emotional weight to make me cry every time. Saeyoung’s route is heavy and emotional and sooo worth playing. 

Romantic Potential: 6/10 Saeyoung has a shady job and a complicated past. Choosing to be with him means putting your life in danger every day. If you’re okay with that, he’d be a decent romantic partner. He’s a little rough around the edges, but I do think he has potential to become more like his ideal self (God Seven) after reading his AE. He’ll always have that mean and serious side to him, but I don’t think he’s hopeless. 

V

Character: 4/10 He’s low-key the worst. I sympathize with his trauma from being abused by Rika, but I don’t understand why he feels the need to fix everything by himself. Rika might be the source of most problems in this game, but V is partially responsible for standing by and letting her get away with everything. 

My first issue with him comes from encouraging Saeyoung to join the agency. I know Saeyoung didn’t have many options, but how was encouraging him to train to become a hacker and assassin the best option?! On top of that, he stalked Zen per Rika’s request and took creeper photos of him, failed miserably at protecting Saeran and don’t get me started on how he loves Rika unconditionally. V has some good characteristics but I really don’t care about those when he’s so terrible otherwise. 

Route: 10/10 This route is *chef’s kiss* the BEST. I wouldn’t call it a romance since Vs barely in it but damn is it riveting. Saeran is the perfect amount of loving and unhinged, MC get’s to know Rika on a personal level and V finally gets to be active instead of just reactive like he is in all the other routes. It’s also  satisfying to find out how much V has been keeping secret and to get a glimpse into Rika’s psyche. But what really makes V’s route stand out among the rest is that there are spy action scenes like in Saeyoung’s route, but the player also gets to spend time in Mint Eye.

Romantic Potential: 7/10 I’ll be honest. I don’t think V will ever be able to move on from Rika. He’ll always love her, as evidence in his AE. Besides that drawback, I do think he’d be a good romantic partner for MC. V was never the issue in his past relationship with Rika. She was the abusive one and he was 100% the victim. I think he would treat MC just as well in their relationship as he treated Rika. 

Saeran

Character: 7/10 I know I’m not the only one who loved the suave and cunning Saeran of the main routes who, after getting the therapy he needed, became an adorably shy and awkward man. Sadly, that’s not the character we got in AS. Instead, we met Ray, the split personality of Saeran’s psyche. Ray is charming and sweet as well as possessive and manipulative...which is something I’m into. But it’s not for everyone. Saeran’s real personality in AS is revealed to be angry and abusive and not at all similar to who he was in the main routes. I’ll give Cheritz props for writing a fairly accurate portrayal of disassociative identity disorder, but I think Saeran’s characterization is inconsistent. I get the impression Ray was an afterthought when creating AS. 

Route: 7/10 A mixed bag for me. I really enjoy any chatroom/scene with Ray. He’s undeniably creepy, but those scenes were entertaining in a dark romance kind of way. On the other hand, the Saeran scenes had a lot of unrealized potential. Abuse is never cool. All his route needed to fix this was a scene where Saeran explained to MC that he was pretending to hate her to appease Rika and the other believers. While this fake hatred is implied, I think it needed to be outright stated. It’s also hard to believe that Saeran overcame his DID in the course of one night. I know all routes are limited to 11 days, but this one needed more. Highlights of this route are Saeyoung being kidnapped by his father and of course, dark Yoosung with Elizabun. 

Romantic Potential: 7/10 I truly do believe that Saeran could go on and live a happy life in any of the endings where he escapes Mint Eye and receives therapy. While we only get a glimpse of what an emotionally stable Searan looks like, we know that he was kind and attentive with MC. Saeran is a giver and would do anything to make MC happy. Red flags are that Searan is still clingy at the end of his route. Yoosung makes a comment that he’s always holding MC’s hand when he sees them together. Also, his DID is something that will occasionally return and that’s something MC has to go into their relationship knowing. 

[k1nky-fool]

In Loving Memory

Part 1/?

Shouta Aizawa x OC

Rating: Teen (this is subject to change chapter to chapter)

Warnings: not beta read, bad spur of the moment choices, one character's existential crisis seen from an outsider's point of view, and purposely bad fashion sense.

Taglist: I'm dropping this in a discord channel too, so hi my dudes! And if you want to be tagged in future chapters, feel free to send in an ask, or PM me!

Author's Note: I really just want to make sure I get this chapter out. Because I want to have a small platonic one-shot with my OC Shizune Kiokuro and Mirio Togata for his birthday tomorrow that's set after the Overhaul arc. For angsty bitter sweet reasons. I should have that out tomorrow.

He felt a little bad for it. To be fair she had walked in wearing something that just threw him into a fight or flight response. She looked absolutely unhinged and deranged. Shouta could relate, but it made him activate his quirk immediately. He thought he had better control than this, and he managed to catch himself before anything major happened and before anyone could notice. But the woman had frozen in place and looked around like she was trying to find the source of whatever had caused the strange feeling.

Her eyes caught Shouta's and she looked him up and down with tired eyes. She shrugged him off and sat down in a seat at the table. He figured she was the new hero course third year hire after the last Investigations teacher retired.

This new year would be quite a lot. Several new teachers were joining the UA staff this year, including but not limited to All Might, and whoever this jarring woman was. It was enough to have Hizashi here to fill the role of obnoxious staff, but now there would be All Might?

Then there was this woman with a neon green mohawk and she's wearing an orange, green, and purple bowling shirt tied into a crop top, hot pink jean shorts and… are those fucking Crocs? Shouta himself couldn't be bothered to care anymore, but it was unusual that he was the only one seeming to notice something this bizarre.

"As many of you have heard, we are welcoming Toshinori Yagi to our staff this year, but All Might is not our only new addition. We also have Kiokuro Shizune joining the third year staff." Nezu happily introduced.

Everyone turned to see Shizune and she smiled brightly. Now it finally seemed that everyone was noticing her. A few teachers looked at her with disgust. Some were staring in surprise. Others just weirded out. Shizune, for her part, just chuckled at the wide array of reactions until everyone had gotten their eyeful and looked away.

None of the previous reactions stayed on their faces. And nobody bothered to look back at her. That much was odd. At least Nemuri would look back a few times and whisper about it to whoever was sitting next to her.

For the rest of the meeting, nobody looked back at her, as though she had completely faded into the background of an arcade floor someone had vomited every slushie imaginable onto. There wasn't much meeting to focus on beyond the full class files that every teacher was given at the beginning of the year. Shouta wouldn't be bothered to read it. He didn't want to have any preconceived notions about any of his students before he met them. They would have to make their first impressions count.

Shouta kept finding his gaze back at Shizune. She just sat there like a clown, tilting her chair back with a bored expression on her face. She didn't seem to think anyone was paying her any attention.

The exact second Nezu dismissed the meeting, she was gone. He wasn't going to bother talking to her, but the speed in which she was already out the door was almost impressive. But the less time he had to spend getting to know her the better.

He had a lot of work to do before his students showed up in class next week. He got back to his computer and started up. He hated the paperwork, but he had known what he was in for when he started.

"Say, Aizawa." Fucking Nemuri. "How do you think All Might's gonna fit in here?"

"He can worry about that himself."

"Oh come on, you don't even wanna know why he's suddenly decided to teach classes?" She asked. "I mean, the number one hero suddenly settling down to teach some brats? Gotta be the most bizarre thing we've seen."

"He wasn't the most bizarre thing about that meeting." He sighed. "Go home, Kayama."

"Oh? What was the most bizarre thing about that meeting?" She asked.

"Either you're blind or just stupid. Go home." He said again.

Suddenly Nemuri was all the more confused. "What did I miss?"

"The clown in the corner." Shouta deadpanned. "You'll get along well."

"The hell are you talking about? Are you ok?" Nemuri reached for his forehead, but he leaned out of the way.

"I'm fine. You can leave."

"Alright, fine." She shrugged off. "I'm going."

Finally, quiet. He liked being the only one in the office no matter how late it was. Being the last one here was worth it.

At least he wished he was the last one here. Meandering steps that thudded ever so softly on the floor. He didn't even bother to look up, knowing the colors on their shirt would give him a headache.

"Evening, Kiokuro." He acknowledged. It would be worse if she didn't know he was here.

She stopped dead in her tracks. Not saying a word. A beat of silence went by before she said anything. "How the fuck did you do that?" Her voice quivered.

"Do what?" He still didn't bother to look up at her.

"How did you know it was me? You're not looking at me." She asked.

"Your crocs make a dumb swishing sound on the floor. Your steps are quick and soft because you don't weigh a whole lot. And you walk around like you're not heading anywhere in particular, so you make strange noises, but over a large surface area. Not in a straight line." He explained like she should already know this. "I remember how you walked into the meeting."

Shizune stomped over to the side of his desk and forced his chair toward her. Fine. Guess he's not getting any work done. He finally conceded to looking up at her.

She still wore the outrageous outfit from earlier. However, her expression was one of complete fear as her eyes frantically searched his face. "Are you fucking with me?"

"What?"

"People don't remember me, Aizawa." She said, "How the fuck did you know it was me without looking up and keeping me in your line of sight?"

"What are you talking about?"

She took a step back, seeming to think something over. "My quirk." She began. "When I'm in your line of sight, you know me, you see me. But the second I'm not in your line of sight, you forget me. It is impossible for people to remember me without looking at me. If I'm not being looked at, I don't exist to anyone but myself."

"You're a stealth hero." He noted.

"Yeah. I'm the perfect stealth hero." She snapped. "So how the hell do you remember me?"

Shouta stood up, glaring down at her. "My quirk is to erase quirks."

"Oh.. you're Eraserhead." She noted. "That must have been what I felt in the meeting room. Why did you feel the need to erase my quirk the second you saw me?"

"Your shirt gave me a headache. My first thought was that it was a threat." He deadpanned.

"Oh… well that's kind of the point… but that means that it never got the chance to lock onto you. Which means the next time you looked at me, there was nothing to remember, because you hadn't forgotten. Wait then that means…" Shizune paused.

"Yeah, good luck with that." Shouta shrugged off, leaving her staring off into space. "Go home, Kiokuro." He called back as he closed the door behind him.

-X-

It was another week and a half before he had seen her again. Only two days after classes had started. He didn't want to be here, especially not while there were still students in the classroom.

Shouta had come to collect the uniform reports that All Might had left behind. All he had to do was take them down to the support department, then he could go home. But Iida, Midoriya, and Ururaka were staying late on a Friday afternoon, cleaning the classroom. They were almost done by the looks of it.

"Hi, Mr. Aizawa!" Ururaka greeted. He gave her a wave, going straight to the podium where All Might said he left the reports.

His stomach jumped when a knife flew past his face. His scarf was activated immediately, and wrapped around the assailant's wrist. But it was in vain. They had taken his scarf in their grip and jumped into the air, spinning and pulling him toward them. In one move, they kicked him back into the wall.

He grunted in pain, but his eye caught the obnoxious colors of his attacker.

"Mr. Aizawa!" Midoriya was up and ready to fight, but Shouta held up a hand to stop any of the students from attacking her.

They all waited for him to do something, so he just stood against the wall as she held a knife to his neck, staring her in the eyes. "You kids can head out. Ms. Kiokuro and I have something to discuss."

"But Mr. Aizawa, sir…" Iida began to protest, but must have come to a different conclusion. "Of course. Let's go." The other two followed him out of the classroom. They wouldn't remember this, and Shizune would be safe.

"Alright… you got me alone, now what do you want, Kiokuro?" He grumbled.

She bit out a laugh. "Now, you see- hmm honestly I-" it took her a brief moment to gather herself, and he probably would be more comfortable without the knife at his neck. He lifted his hand to move it away, but she kept it in place. "Ah, yes." She nodded. "You are driving me insane."

"That's unfortunate. Can you get the knife out of my face?" He asked.

"No." She pushed him again back into the wall. "Listen here, fucker-"

"My name is Shouta."

"You are officially 'fucker' until we figure this out." She commanded.

"Great. I could think a lot better if you took the knife out of my face."

"Shut up." She ordered, but let out a breath in annoyance. Shizune resigned to putting the knife back on her belt. "Alright, look… I really want nothing more than to go on about my life and forget you exist, just like everyone does for me."

"Then do it."

"Now, that's the problem! I feel safe knowing that there is nobody that has any memory of me. But you-! You." She laughed, pulling the knife out of the wall and holding it back at his neck. "Every time I think I'm safe, I'm reminded that you remember me."

"Why the fuck-"

"I don't trust you, Shouta." She hissed. "I don't trust you with the memory of me."

"Why don't you?"

"Gee, I don't know. Maybe because I don't know you? Or because there's no reason I should trust you?" Shizune argued. "Really it's because you're not special."

"Well clearly I am." He said. "Because whether you like it or not, I do remember you. And there's no way to fix that."

"Now, Shouta, that's the wrong answer. Because I can fix it by beating it out of your head, and I can then rest easy knowing that there's nobody in the world that will ever find out." She said.

"But you're not going to do that." He figured. "You could have killed me when you first attacked me. Even in front of the students, it wouldn't have mattered. But you're a pro-hero."

Shizune let out a sigh and took the second knife away from his face. "So what can I even do about you, Shouta?" She began pacing the floor, rubbing the buzzed sides of her head. "I can't just leave you with my memory because I tried that for a week and it's driven me insane. I can't sleep knowing someone could be thinking about me, even if you physically couldn't care less if you tried. It's not a matter of if you are or aren't, it's a problem that you can at all."

"Alright, calm down, Shizune." He noted that in this little squabble they had somehow come to a first name basis and that novelty wasn't wasted on him. Very few people got this far, let alone in such a short amount of time.

"It's not easy to calm down about this. It's been almost fifteen years since I've had to trust someone with the memory of me." She was going to start rambling if he let her keep going.

"It's ok. Don't worry about that yet. Now, tell me why again you don't trust me." He said.

"Because I never trust anyone. You're not different, you're not special. But as of a week ago, you are the only person on the planet that knows who I am." She explained.

"Alright, so we've established that you don't trust me any more than everyone else. Which is understandable. I met you a week ago." He followed along. "But since I do remember you, and we don't have a way to fix that beyond extreme violence, we need to figure something else out. You said there was no reason you should trust me. In the event of someone having memory of you, what would make you trust them with that information?'

Shizune thought for a second. "I need to know that person won't tell others about me. I need to be a complete secret."

"That's great, because I don't want to talk to anyone about you." He deadpanned.

"But how can I be sure that you won't be convinced by one of your friends to talk about me? How do I know that Yamada or Kayama can't ask the right question to get you to talk about me?"

"First, I'm an underground hero, just like you. If you don't want anyone to know about you, then nobody will know about you." He promised. "And second, I don't even want to tell them about myself, let alone make an effort to tell them about you."

"Fair enough…" She shrugged. "But I still don't know you. For all I know you could be lying about this."

"And for that, we'll have to trust each other." Shouta figured. "How about I give you a piece of information about me that I don't want people knowing?"

"You would do that?"

"I don't want to, but it's fair. I'd be essentially letting you hold me hostage." He explained. "If someone ends up knowing about you in any way that you haven't given them, then you have this information to do what you want with."

Shizune looked him up and down. "What makes you think I need something true to do that?"

"You don't, but this is supposed to be a gesture of trust."

"Oh yeah…." She remembered. "You do realize it'll have to be something genuinely secret. Something you would literally rather die than have other people know about."

"Which is the issue. I don't think there's anything I would have a problem with other people knowing."

Immediately Shizune lit up with a wicked smile across her face. His students should be glad he doesn't smile like that. "I bet I can find something."

"I will bet you can't." He deadpanned. "Not that I think your investigation skills are lacking, there's just nothing for you to find."

"More mysterious men than you have said that to me and been so. very. wrong." She chuckled, taking a step closer to him. He didn't like the sound of that, but if it meant she could find something that would make her less of a lunatic, then he would let her investigate.

"If you're that confident in yourself, then you have my permission to poke around in my life until you find something." Shouta allowed. "But I don't think you needed my permission in the first place."

"Eh, I don't stalk people unless I need to for work." She shrugged. "I'll see you around."

Shizune was gone, but once again, there was no change in Shouta's memory of her. If she could find something that he cared so heavily about, he wondered what it would be. What would an outside investigator determine to be the most important part of his life?

[olivay-official]

Scenes from Red: The Untold Story of a Reluctant Hero

Jay is just your average college student with a secret superhero identity. The deep underground crime world knows her as Red, a sarcastic pain in the ass hero who is annoyingly good at stopping their nefarious activities despite being terrible at her job. Though not what one might typically imagine as a hero Oliver, aka Napster, gladly took up the role of her techs sidekick cleaning up the messes left in her wake. Despite how closely they work together Oliver is clueless to Red’s true identity, while Jay struggles to act normal around him in civilian form. Balancing a social life with friends with the looming threat of Suped up villains created by a mad scientist with the face of a lizard isn’t easy and Jay and Oliver definitely make it look much harder than it is.

“Would you put away your phone? This is supposed to be a tech free weekend!” Andre made a grab for Jackie’s phone. She pulled away holding it close to her chest.

“And I promise I will put it away when we get there!” She shot back.

“Why are you so big on camping Andre?” I called from the backseat.

“Dude, some of my best memories were camping with my brothers and pops. And I think that we can all do with getting out of the city for a few days.” Andre looked at all three of us pointedly.

“Really all I remember from camping was having to pee in a hole, and getting eaten alive by bugs,” I answered bitterly. I wondered absentmindedly if my blood would make a super mosquito now.

“I remember trying to go camping with my mom once, then a bear ate our food so we ended up leaving and getting breakfast at a diner,” Jackie giggled.

“I’ve never been before,” Oliver said quietly.

“Lucky you,” I muttered.

“What?!” Andre practically screeched. “Oh no you girls aren’t going to ruin this for Oliver. Oliver my boy you are about to get the full camping experience!” Andre said exuberantly. I rolled my eyes as I dug a soda out of the cooler in the backseat.

“Hey what are you doing, those are for the camping trip!” Andre said indignantly.

“Well then it’s a good thing I packed extra!” I grinned as I popped the tab of the can with an overdramatic display of defiance.

“Seriously Jay! I had everything planned! You guys have no faith in me!” Andre waved his hand in frustration.

“Are you kidding me? Do you know how much this girl eats? She could eat all four portions of food you packed for us and then some,” Jackie snorted. Oliver smiled looking around at the three of us as he relaxed into his seat. I watched him for a second, curious. He looked at ease, happy even as he looked between Andre and Jackie but behind his eyes there was an odd mix of worry and anticipation. He checked his phone several times within a few minutes as if he was waiting for something. I smiled finally realizing what he was waiting for. He was worried that Red would need him even though I had told him Red would be gone til Tuesday. His phone would lose service as soon as we started winding up some of the backroads and his connection to Red would be cut off or so he thought anyways. I wished I could tell him it would be fine but I had already told him once as Red. There was nothing more I could do here.

The rest of the car ride went by much like that. We played music belting out the classics from our high school days, we talked about old camping memories, and Jackie and I shared stories from our childhood the humor of which was completely lost on Andre and Oliver. Andre complained about Jackie and Oliver being on their phones. Oliver complained about my laying across all the backseats including the one he occupied. Jackie complained when Andre shut off her music trading it for a much more classic form of music- the CD. Many of which were burned and included songs in no particular order that only Andre recognized. We had three phone calls from Enzo on the way up who was worried he would get lost and at least two pitstops for me to pee. During the drive I had consumed three cans of soda, a bag of chips and a burrito I had picked up at a food truck. Andre complained about my eating habits and I threw wrappers at him. All in all it was a good time.

When we got to the campsite Enzo was already there, tent set up.

“Sorry we are late, someone made us stop for a burrito on the way here.” Andre glared at me.

“Damn you’re probably not hungry then,” Enzo said holding up a bag of takeout from my favorite burrito place. I swear I fell in love with him right there.

“I am always hungry,” I beamed at him.

“No you are helping us unpack first,” Andre demanded. I rolled my eyes at Andre and gave an apologetic smile to Enzo.

I followed Andre back to the car so that we could unpack all our crap. I opted for the large cooler in the back seat. It was a heavy item but with my abilities it would hardly be a problem. I had only managed to pull the container about three quarters of the way out the car when someone came up behind me, their hand brushing mine as they took the container from my grasp. The rest of the cooler came sliding out the car. His hand reached over me to grab the other handle just in time.

“Careful.” Oliver smiled at me. “This probably weighs more than you,” He chuckled. I put my hands on my hips.

“I had it,” I said confidently. Oliver smirked.

“I’m sure you did but why don’t I just carry it instead yeah? You can grab the firewood.” He smiled at me that infuriatingly adorable smile. I stared at him for a moment fixing him with a stern look before I walked over to the back of the trunk. He raised his eyebrows in anticipation. I fixed him with a glare before I dared reaching into the trunk to pull out the bags of firewood. Balancing one in each arm I started to walk back to the campsite with Oliver in tow struggling with the weight of the cooler.

“Want to trade?” I teased.

“As much as I’d love to see you carry this, I think I got it,” He said with a sardonic hint to his tone. I shrugged and kept walking at a much faster pace than he could manage with the clunky weight of the cooler. I enjoyed watching him struggle to keep up. We crossed paths with Enzo and Andre who were heading back to get the remainder of the food and supplies.

Oliver set the cooler down at the edge of the campsite with a grunt. A thin sheen of perspiration dotted his forehead. I admired the site as he rolled up the sleeves of his fitted black thermal shirt over his lean arms. He ran a hand through his dark hair letting it fall back down in shaggy disarray ends pointing in all different directions. I busied myself with arranging the uneven bags of firewood so they wouldn’t fall all the while letting myself peak up at Oliver. He really did look good in black. His deep eyes met mine, I managed a half smile before letting my eyes drop back down to the firewood, finalizing their arrangement.

I was by no means a camper. I liked having running water and actual toilets. Mostly the toilets because who the fuck enjoys squatting in a bush to go to the bathrrom completely exposed and vulnerable to attack by bear or an unhinged deer.

Growing up camping had never been a part of my childhood experiences needless to say I should be out of my element here. Thanks to my powers, however, I was a galdamn pro. A few helpful survivalist videos, and several episodes of naked and afraid later and I could probably survive out here on my own for months. I set up mine and Jackie’s tent in record time while the boys were tangled in heaps of collapsable sticks trying to find which end to start with. While they struggled Jackie and I busied ourselves with making our camping space comfortable. Just because we were camping did not mean Jackie was going to give up all the luxuries of a home. She had made me drag her mattress topper here and just about a dozen blankets and pillows on top of the sleeping bags.

“Damn that’s romantic, you aren’t trying to seduce me are you?” I asked, giving her a quick wink.

“You wish!” Jackie laughed.

“When you’re done hitting on my girlfriend would you mind helping us out here Jay?” Andre asked from under the tent’s tarp.

“I thought you were such a big camper Andre.” I rolled my eyes. “Wouldn’t want to ruin your trip by getting in the way.”

“You’re the absolute worst.”

When we finally got all set up and situated Andre began packing bags for a hike. He was determined to give us the campiest of camping experiences apparently. Andre took the lead, compass in hand, with the rest of us in tow. Enzo fell in step behind me. The trail was only big enough to walk along single file. Andre’s hiking style was hard to keep up with. Some moments without warning he would turn on a dime shifting directions and surging forward.

The final destination of the hike was a small waterfall. I had to hand it to Andre. It was a pretty picturesque spot. We sat down to have lunch but I had other plans. I was hot and sweaty from the hike and that water looked damn good. I quickly started stripping down.

“Jay! Seriously!” Andre shouted at me. I rolled my eyes.

“Don’t worry I’ll keep my panties on,” I winked at him which he did not find amusing. I dove into the water and almost immediately regretted it. The water was fucking freezing. When I broke the surface Andre was looking smugly at me.

“Cold isn’t it? You’re an idiot,” Andre said.

“Worth it!” I said through chattering teeth. I’d be damned if I’d admit I was wrong to Andre. I swam around in the water despite the cold finding myself a nice sun baked spot of water that wasn’t too terrible.

“Jackie, that’s literally snow run off,” Andre warned. I didn’t need to open my eyes to know the splash of water was Jackie joining me. We both laughed. Oliver and Enzo looked at each other finally both shrugging. They stripped down and attempted lifting Andre into the air - he was forced to strip or get his clothes wet. Finally we were all in the water and for the first time in a long time shit felt totally normal. No super villains lurked in the woods to demand my attention. There was no Red or Napster. It was just me and my friends and it was so nice to play normal even if only for a few days.

I was shivering by the time we got out of the water to dry off. Enzo stayed close to me doing his best to warm me up, offering me his jacket that he’d been smart enough to bring on the hike. While I laid out on the warm rocks trying to get my body temp back up Enzo went back to our bags to get us food. Oliver flopped out of the water and onto the rock next to me.

“I think I like camping,” He said shaking water out of his hair. I laughed.

“Please don’t tell Andre that, he’ll want us to go every week,” I said.

“Is there a reason you love torturing him?” He asked.

“I mean other than the fact that it’s so darn fun? Andre and I lived together for like a week Freshman year, there was a mixup with the dorms. Since then we have been great friends but our friendship is based on the fact that we love torturing eachother,” I said.

“You and Andre lived in a dorm together?” Oliver raised his eyebrows and laughed.

“Oh yeah I probably know more about his deep dark secrets than you do,” I said.

“And you introduced him to Jackie?” He asked.

“Yup! Really he has me to thank for his happy relationship,” I beamed. Oliver smiled at me turning back towards the waterfall. I tried to ignore the way the water glistened off his body. I turned back to the water.

“He picked a really good spot,” Oliver said.

“Yeah as much as I hate to admit it, he did a good job. Probably wanted to impress Jackie,” I said.

“Well I’d say he picked one hell of a romantic set up,” Oliver mused. I glanced over at Oliver ready to fire off a smart remark but the words died on my tongue. Oliver was already staring at me, his eyes running over the curve of my body. The sun was starting to get lower creating an orange glow that framed him like a greek god. His eyes caught mine and he cleared his throat quickly looking away. A light blush colored his cheeks. My face felt warm as I looked away.

Great, that was sufficiently awkward.

I only hoped the orange light of the sunset might hide the blush creeping across my own face.

The sound of a branch snapping caused me to straighten, muscles tensing. My eyes narrowed as I stared out into the forest searching.

“What was that?” I whispered to myself.

“Probably a deer or something,” Oliver attempted to sound nonchalant about it but I could see his body stiffen at the sound and refuse to relax.

There was a rustling in the bushes. I stood in a fighting stance. What I was planning to do if it was a bear or something I don’t know, maybe punch it in the nose. More rustling. Then everything happened in a blur. A woman emerged from the underbrush looking half crazed. Under her skin her veins flowed orange and red like molten fire. Her irises were the same glowing color, the sclera pitch black. The smell of burning hair filled the air. She looked scared out of her mind and in agonizing pain but that didn’t stop her from lunging at me like the last shrimp at a buffet.

“Help me! It burns!” She cried. The woman grabbed hold of my arms. Her touch seared my skin burning my arms. I hissed in pain rearing back and punching the woman square in the jaw. She stumbled back.

I shook out my hand cursing under my breath. Her skin burned to touch. The woman surged forward again tackling me to the ground. I cried out in both fury and pain as we hit the ground. I kicked the woman off of me and up over my head. I scrambled to my feet. The woman’s hand caught my bare ankle causing me to scream. Oliver was there, shouldering the woman into the shallowest part of the lake. Steam hissed as she his the surface. She let out a horrible screech struggling to get out of the shallow depths. I whipped around and clocked her square in the face, hard enough to knock her out, silencing her screams. She landed on the shore skin still sizzling.

“Ah Fuck!” I shouted as I shook out my hand and bounced around on one foot. Of the injuries my ankle was definitely fairing the worst. Heat and pain pulsed through the seared flesh with each heartbeat.

Everyone finally came running over to us their eyes bulging out of their head when they landed on the unconscious woman that lay at my feet. Enzo was next to me in a second wrapping his arms around my shoulders and pulling me to him.

“What the hell just happened?!” Andre asked.

“Hell if we know. She jumped out at us from the woods,” Oliver said kneeling down next to her. Suddenly the woman’s eyes snapped open. She locked onto Oliver.

“Burning!! He promised it wouldn’t hurt! Now it burns! Please-” She grabbed Oliver’s hand. I could see the pain in his face but he didn’t pull away from her touch. “Please make it stop,” The woman begged her voice strained and hoarse. With those final words her eyes closed and her grip on Oliver’s hand relaxed. He removed his hand from hers. He held his good hand up to her mouth and shook his head.

“I think she’s gone,” He whispered. Carefully he moved her head to the side and tilted his head inspecting a single mark on her neck. Looking over his shoulder I immediately knew what it was. My hand came up to touch the invisible injection site. The one that gave me my powers…

“We better call someone. I’ll go see if I can find some service,” Andre said. Jackie clung to him not wanting him to be alone and not wanting to lose the comfort of having him near. Enzo guided me away from the body to sit on the rocks once again. He made me show him my ankle which had cooked meat hanging off of it, turns out I did not smell like barbecue. Oliver came over to us with the first aid kit cradled in his good hand. While Oliver went about treating his hand, Enzo cared for my injuries. Other than my ankle my knuckles had burn blisters splayed across them from where I hit her. My arms however were mostly unharmed.

When the authorities finally showed up it went without saying that the camping trip was officially over.

[syntaxeme]

Nowhere to Go But Up ch. 1

Chapter word count: 3859 Rating: T Pairing: Angel/Val Read on AO3: [x] Next chapter: [coming soon!] Story summary: Angel's history of drugs, gangs, and porn isn't quite as glamorous as most people think. This is the story of how a scrawny, lonely dead boy named Anthony moved up (or down) in the world and became Hell's #1 sex symbol, Angel Dust. The only way to the top is to claw your way up from the bottom.

— — –

When Anthony got to Hell, it didn’t surprise him to find that his old man was already there. Where the fuck else would he have gone? As ‘religious’ as their Catholic family had always been, his father was a piece of shit by all accounts, a sinner through and through. It took a couple weeks for him to figure it out, since people called him ‘Henroin’ down here—but even that made sense. Smack was always his drug of choice in life, so why should death be any different?

It took some doing, some seducing of guards and general sexual favors for his advisors (even though Anthony’s body wasn’t exactly how he remembered it, he still got used to it quickly), but Anthony eventually got an audience with him. And again, unsurprisingly, Henroin wasn’t happy to see him.

“Shit, Anton, you died even faster than I expected,” the boss—even a boss in Hell, apparently—growled, unimpressed. He looked every bit as spidery as Anthony had become, maybe even more so. “Just when I thought you couldn’t disappoint me more.”

“Thanks, Pop, good to see you too,” Anthony said with a roll of his eyes.

“Well? What do you want?” Henroin asked flatly.

“What do you fucking think? I’m your son. Shouldn’t I be involved in your business down here?”

His father let out a cold laugh. “When have you ever been useful to my business? If your brother was here, or even Molly, they might be useful. You? You’re worthless. Always have been. I dunno what you expected to change now you’re dead.”

That was a fair point. His father had never appreciated anything about who he was or how he felt, and vice-versa. Why would he care what happened to Anthony’s soul for the rest of his immortal life? It was Hell. Nobody cared about anybody, as Anthony was soon to learn.

He spent his next few months (assuming he was even perceiving time right in this weird, fucked-up realm) on the streets, whoring around, doing whatever it took to survive. He got ripped off more than once, some demon fucking him all night then beating the shit out of him when he mentioned payment. He figured out pretty quick that drugs were every bit as big in Hell as they were on Earth, so that was where most of his money went. Just to not be conscious. Just to forget for a minute.

It was supposed to be a punishment, wasn’t it? What little he remembered of church was that Hell was where Bad People went because they’d done Bad Things and deserved to Feel Bad. Well, he was, he had, and he did. God, he couldn’t even remember the last time he’d felt like anything other than absolute shit. It might’ve stayed that way forever—or at least until the next extermination—if he hadn’t met Cherri.

That morning, he was slumped against a gutted storefront, his eyes clouded, his head foggy as he was still coming off a high from two days ago. Some woman strolled up to him and nudged his leg with a booted foot. “Hey,” she said flatly. “Get off my street, skid, you’re making me look bad.”

“Get out of my face, bitch,” Anthony grumbled, turning away, covering his eyes to hide from the sunrise’s glaring light.

“Ha!” The demoness bent at the waist, grasped a handful of his hair, and forced his head up. “What the fuck did you just say to me?”

“I said fuck off!” Anthony snapped, jerking away from her hand. “Are you fucking deaf? Get away from me.”

The girl laughed again and gestured at a couple of big demons standing at her back. “Bring him.” Although he didn’t want to be taken who-knew where for who-knew what reason, Anthony really didn’t have the energy to fight. They took him across Pentagram City in a banged-up towncar driven by the girl-boss herself, then dragged him inside what he recognized as a shitty little gang complex.

“You’re tweaked out of your fucking head, aren’t you?” When she grabbed his hair again and forced him to look at her, his eyes were clear enough to realize that she only had one above her sharp-toothed grin. He sneered and tried to escape her grasp, but she just laughed as she released him. “Yeah, that’s what I figured. Put his ass to bed.”

Despite Anthony’s attempts to tempt them with his body—probably pretty sloppy attempts, considering how fucked up he was—the guys working for her ignored him and dragged him off to a sort of cell, a bare room with a bed and a barred window, then locked him up alone. What’s-her-tits appeared in a slot in the cell door and told him once he calmed down, maybe they could try talking again. Considering how bad he was coming down, how miserable and unhinged he was, he screamed, he fought, he clawed at his own skin, but nothing did him any good. He tore the room apart. He shouted until his throat shredded and bled. He dissolved into sobbing and hyperventilating in a corner of the room. God, everything, everything felt so fucking bad, and now that he didn’t have some kind of distraction, drugs or sex or booze, whatever, he was being forced to feel every bit of it.

Sometime while he was passed out, they put water inside the room for him, and he savored every drop on his damaged throat. They delivered food, and he ate for the first time in who-knew how long. There was a period, he didn’t have any idea how long, where he was barely even aware of what was going on around him, too angry and scared and agonized to keep track. This wasn’t any better. He wished he could just fucking die to escape it, like he had on Earth, but that wasn’t an option here. Maybe he deserved this. Maybe he had done enough wrong in life to belong in this shithole for the rest of eternity.

Days, maybe weeks passed in this cycle of misery and pain and eventual, merciful oblivion once he passed out. Finally, the girl-boss came back by his room and opened the door to stroll inside, apparently not worried about him trying to escape. Which he didn’t. Dropping to sit in front of the mattress that had been serving as his bed, she rested her chin in one hand. “So?” she prompted. “Who are you?”

“Nobody,” Anthony said quietly, having gotten past all his anger and violence to the point that he was just exhausted and depressed now.

The demoness, his captor, rolled her eye. “Anyway, I’m Cherri. And you are…?”

Despite his reluctance, he huffed out, “Anthony.”

“Great. I’m gonna call you Tony,” she said with a grin, leaning forward to watch him curiously. “What’s your story? How’d you end up on my side of town?”

“What do you care? You saw me before. You’ve seen how pathetic I am all this time,” he muttered, unable to even look at her. “I’m nothing. I’m nobody. If you’re gonna kill me or whatever, just fucking do it.”

“God, you’re depressing,” she said. “Well if you ain’t gonna tell me, you got anybody you know down here? Friends? Family? Some gang I can get you back to?”

“No. I mean, there’s my dad, but he doesn’t give a shit about me. People call him Henroin.”

“Holy fuck!” Cherri crowed, her eye growing wide. “You’re Henroin’s kid? I didn’t think—”

“Didn’t you hear me? I said he doesn’t care,” Anthony snapped. “It’s not like you can ransom me to him or whatever, because he won’t pay.” He knew that for a fact, having experienced something similar in life.

“Huh. Can’t really say I’m surprised. I’ve always heard he’s an asshole.” Refusing to let the subject go, refusing to leave him to suffer alone, she suggested, “So answer me yourself.”

“What’s the point?”

“The point is I wanna know. Look, I know you’re in the middle of some bad withdrawal right now. Like, I can tell, I’ve been there, I see it on you. It fucking sucks. Makes you wish you were deader than you already are. But this place ain’t something you get out of by losing your will to live, and eternity is a long time to keep feeling like that or drugging yourself stupid, you know?” She started bouncing one leg, apparently a little restless but keeping her attention on him. “If you quit being so mopey about it, I bet I can help.”

“Why? Why bother with my mopey ass?” Anthony demanded, and Cherri grinned back.

“I dunno, you were kind of a bitch that first time we talked, and I kind of liked it,” she confessed. “Plus, most everybody around here knows better than to fuck with me, so maybe I like the change of pace.”

“Look, if you think I’m gonna be all grateful you ‘saved my life’ and we’re gonna be best pals, you’ve got another thing coming,” Anthony argued, finally managing to muster a little irritation. “I ain’t here to entertain you, and I ain’t fucking you either. If that’s what you—”

Cherri dropped her head back and let out a loud, grating laugh. “I’m not into dudes, you stuck-up prick,” she snickered, though she sounded more amused than offended. “So ditto. How about you take a few more days to chill the fuck out and then we’ll talk about you maybe joining my crew?”

***

It wasn’t fast, it wasn’t easy, but Anthony eventually got used to his role at Cherri’s place. Every day or so, maybe a couple times a day, she would come by his room and they would chat about whatever—his life before all this, her life, her new life, and the shitty excuse for ‘living’ he’d been doing ever since his dad kicked him out. After all, he had nothing better to do with his time, and he found talking with her worked to distract him from all the shit his body was still going through.

She told him more about the gang and her role in it, about how satisfying it was to kick some douchey demon’s ass when he was trying to horn in on her turf. She was shocked that he was a mobster’s son in life and still didn’t know how to use a damn gun, which she said was a crime in itself. When he mentioned the demons who had taken advantage of him before they met, Cherri was absolutely livid and swore on the spot that she was going to teach him how to defend himself.

“You can’t let them get away with that shit,” she growled. “If they think you’re too weak to stop them, fuckers down here will eat you alive. You gotta show ‘em you ain’t somebody they want to mess with.”

Considering how totally opposed it was to the rest of his experience in Hell so far, it kind of threw him off to be around someone who gave a shit about other people again. Maybe not all other people, but Cherri took care of her own gang, at least, and now she was asking him to be part of it. It wasn’t like he had any better options to pursue. So once he had finally gotten all the crystal and cravings out of his system, once he was himself enough to care where his future was going, he left his cell (which hadn’t been locked for some time) and found Cherri to accept her offer.

It turned out that when you weren’t trying to take on everything by yourself, Hell really wasn’t so bad. It wasn’t 24/7 misery, at least, now that Anthony wasn’t completely alone and struggling for life on the street. True to her word, Cherri trained him with guns. And knives. And bombs. And poisons. She even helped him figure out how to use his own spindly, lanky body to his advantage in a fight; it turned out he was a lot more flexible and agile than he’d realized. The inherent violence of Hell was obviously her favorite part of the whole deal, and with her encouragement, Anthony started enjoying it too. It was nice to not feel powerless for once. And even in the moments when he was overwhelmed, it was nice to know there were people on his side. Cherri’s gang was made up of junkies and criminals, but this group of sinners stuck together and looked out for each other. Good to have a family that actually wanted him for once.

***

About ten years after his death, there was a big turf war between their gang and some bird-looking asshole who took himself way too seriously. Called himself Bedlam. If he had been upfront about his whole hostile takeover bullshit, Cherri’s gang would’ve wiped his, easy. But he decided to come at them sideways with a ‘sneak attack’ and took out a third of their guys overnight. Cherri was furious but a little panicked over the sudden decrease in their forces. As far as Anthony could tell, she’d never been in a fight this big, this serious, and it was really getting to her.

“What’s the worst that could happen?” he asked, more laidback than her, as usual. “It’s not like we don’t have way more muscle regardless. He can throw his ‘cultured’ fuckwads at us all day and we’ll gut every one of ‘em.”

“Muscle ain’t gonna win a fucking war, Tony,” she argued, holed up in her ‘office’ and trying to figure out how to approach this. “If he’s smart enough and he pulls another sneaky trick like this, we can kiss our cozy setup here good-bye. Goddamn it!” She grabbed up her desk chair and slung it out the window behind her, not flinching in the slightest at the sound of shattering glass. She had a point Anthony couldn’t argue with; he’d seen enough of his dad’s business to know brains beat brawn nine times out of ten.

“We need guys who are a little bit of both,” he mused, tapping his foot idly from his seat by the wall. “Like, you got your baseline soldiers and your advisors. You got your bruisers and your assassins. You need more of those guys. Specialists, you know? Precision killers. Right?”

“Yeah,” Cherri said thoughtfully, nodding slowly as she considered what he was saying. “Yeah, I think you’re right, babe. But people like that don’t come cheap. I’d have to…I might have to… Ah, fuck.” With a defeated growl, she shoved away from her desk and marched toward the door.

“Hey, where we going?” Anthony asked, hopping up to follow after her.

“Not we. Just me. I’m going to get some help. I don’t wanna do it, but we ain’t got much choice,” she told him as she strode through the complex without once looking back.

“Hey, why can’t I help? You know I can be persuasive, bitch. Let me—”

“Tony.” She rounded on him, her sneer less vicious and more nervous. “Just stay here, okay? I’ll be back and I’ll talk the whole deal out with you. The only way I’m gonna get this done is if I do it on my own. Okay?”

Seeing how shaken up she was and not wanting to make it worse, he heaved a sigh and threw his hands up. “Yeah, sure, whatever. Try not to die.”

He watched her car drive off, both pairs of arms crossed in irritation. But Cherri had been doing this boss thing for a while. He had to trust she knew how to do it. But getting excluded from the plan like this, being told “just stay at home and trust me to take care of it”? It was too reminiscent of his father and brother excluding him from family work. He hated that shit.

It took hours for Cherri to get back. Anthony stalked around the complex, waiting for a call, a sign, the sound of the car’s engine, anything. It was past midnight when she finally trudged inside, dragging her feet, looking exhausted. Anthony was lounging in her room, half-asleep in her bed when the door slammed open.

“Hey,” he said groggily, forcing himself up to look her in the face. “You look like shit. Where you been?”

“Not now.” She wandered unsteadily over to the bed and collapsed, dropping her face against her pillow. “Just. Lemme sleep. I’ll explain tomorrow.” Anthony watched her for a few seconds, realizing she was already mostly unconscious, and let out a defeated sigh. Dragging a blanket over her still form, he lay down and draped one arm over her shoulders.

“All right. Tomorrow.”

But tomorrow came, and he didn’t get his explanation. The next few days were so busy that he and Cherri hardly had time to sit down and talk; they spent too much time fighting or planning to fight or getting ambushed and then defending themselves. And even though Anthony wasn’t sure how she’d pulled it off, the boss had definitely brought in some skilled help, the kind of vicious, calculating bastards who kept cool in a fight but each did just as much damage as a team of ten amateur muscleheads.

“Shit, Cherri!” Anthony laughed during another street brawl, watching wave after wave of Bedlam’s henchmen get cut down by their reinforcements. “Where’d you find these guys? They’re brutal!”

“Didn’t I tell you I’d take care of it?” she asked with a grin, lobbing another bomb and cackling gleefully as it went off. “Nobody fucks with my people and walks away from it.”

After that point, the ‘war’ didn’t last much longer; with the new demons she’d brought in, Cherri’s gang was pretty much unstoppable, even spreading out further to take over the opposing gang’s turf. When she cornered Bedlam, it turned out he wasn’t much of a fighter himself and had to rely on his bodyguards—who had all abandoned ship when they realized they were on the losing side. Loyalty was a foreign concept to most demons, after all.

Cherri beat the absolute shit out of the guy, even shoved a bomb down his throat in her blind fury. The whole thing was real messy, and nobody walked away from it smiling. But at least it was over.

Sort of.

Sometime later in the week, as things were getting back to normal and Cherri was figuring out how to run shit now that her territory was twice as big, Anthony came to meet her in her office, only to find the door locked.

“Look, I don’t have the time right now,” he heard from inside. Cherri’s voice. He got closer and pressed his ear to the door to listen. What kind of conversation could she be having that she’d lock him out of it? “My gang still needs me directing them while we clean up this fucking mess. Tell him I’ll be there when I’m ready.”

“You better not keep him waiting too long, sweetheart,” an unfamiliar voice responded. “Val ain’t the most patient guy, and you wouldn’t want him having to collect your debt by force.”

“Who the fuck do you think you are, coming into my place and making threats? I don’t care who your boss is; if you don’t get—” Her voice cut off with what was unmistakably a slap and a cry of pain, sending Anthony’s heart rate through the roof. Without thinking, he took a step back and broke the door in with a single powerful kick, already drawing three different guns to aim at whoever was hurting his friend.

Cherri struggled to her feet behind her desk, jaws clenched in an unyielding snarl. The guy she was arguing with was huge and dressed in a suit, totally out of place among their ragtag gang. “Get the fuck away from her,” Anthony hissed. The guy looked him coldly up and down, then turned away to speak to Cherri again.

“You’ve got a week to get your ass to the studio and hold up your end of the deal. After that, there’ll be consequences.” He left the room without another glance in Anthony’s direction.

“You broke my door, you bitch,” Cherri muttered once he was gone.

“Forget that. What the fuck just happened?” Anthony demanded, putting his guns away and coming over to her desk to check on her. Her head was down, but he could still see a red mark growing on her swollen cheek. He tried to reach out, to see if there was anything he could do to help, but she swatted his hands away.

“Don’t worry about it.”

“Are you kidding? That guy just knocked you on your ass. You wouldn’t’ve let him walk away without a good reason.” What was the name he had used? “Val. Who’s Val?”

Cherri was silent for a few more seconds, curling her hands into tight fists and pressing them against the desktop. Eventually, quietly, she explained, “His name’s Valentino. He’s a bigshot Overlord from the North Side. Tons of money, tons of people, tons of ‘friends in high places.’ He loaned me a bunch of his guys for the turf war, so now I…owe him.”

“Owe him what?” Anthony asked despite the sinking feeling in his stomach. Surely Cherri wouldn’t agree to what he was imagining. The longer she waited to answer, though, the worse his fears got.

“He runs Porn Studios. He’s been trying to get me to shoot with him for years, so I told him if he helped us out with Bedlam…” She trailed off with a shrug, unwilling to even say the words out loud. “We were out of options, babe. I couldn’t let the whole gang get murdered because I couldn’t lead them right. So it is what it is. I’ll go do whatever gross shit Val wants from me and we’ll move on like it didn’t happen.” Even as she was saying it, though, she seemed unsure, which was a very rare state to see her in.

Anthony wasn’t sure how to respond. Whatever Valentino was asking her to do, it was obviously something she was dreading, and he’d seen plenty of times how heated she got about anyone being pressured or forced into sex. Him, on the other hand… Well, sex just wasn’t that big a deal to him. Never had been.

Cherri had done so much for him. She was always the one backing him up in a fight, always the one who made him talk about the shit that bothered him. If it weren’t for her taking him in all those years ago, he would almost definitely be double-dead already, totally wiped from existence. There was really no way to pay her back for all that. But if she was finally in a position she couldn’t handle alone, if this was something that genuinely scared her or made her nervous, he was going to do whatever it took to help her out of it.

He would just have to convince Valentino to let him pay her debt instead.

[hms-chill]

A Channel of Your Peace

Summary: Following Henry being outed, the election, and the end of the book, Henry and Philip slowly start to fix their relationship. There’s blood that can’t be unshed, but there’s also a chance that things could get better.

Chapter 1, Chapter 2, Chapter 3, Chapter 4, Chapter 5

Chapter 6: Where There is Darkness, Let Me Bring Light

Chapter 7: Where There Is Sadness, Let Me Bring Joy

They're all back together again for the first time in ages, Nora and Pez joining the sets of siblings at Kensington. Nora's going to be running a final game in their series of D&D stream fundraisers, and she's promised a truly chaotic game that Henry can't wait for. But, about thirty minutes before it starts, he runs into Philip in a foyer. Philip looks upset.

"Pip? Everything alright?"

"I just had a talk with Gran. She... she doesn't think it'll work. The charity I was considering, I mean; she says it'll be too much to do, and I'm scared she's right. She has more of a sense of how things work on a structural level than I do; I only really know what it's like on the ground. And on the ground, you see all these people who miss their families, or who are going through hard things, but maybe... maybe there isn't anything we can do about it. Maybe she's right."

"Pip. With all due respect, which is very little, Gran doesn't know what she's talking about. She's old as shit." Philip lets out a bark of laughter at that, sounding more surprised than anything. "You know what she said when she found out we'd be playing D&D and sending out dice and having fun to raise money for the youth shelters? She called me, personally, to tell me it was undignified and bound to be a failure. She said that kids couldn't handle the responsibility of ordering royalty around, and that I was besmirching the honor of the crown by playing a satanic game with children for all the world to see."

"Didn't... those went well, didn't they?"

"They've been one of our most successful charity campaigns. So popular, we're playing another tonight, raising money for the shelters and for Bea's work. Whichever of us gets more donations has to eat a spoonful of the infamous Diaz family double spicy salsa live on camera. If we get enough, we both have to do it."

"The game sounds like a great idea, and I'm sure people will want to see you both deal with something that spicy. You'll have a great time."

Henry takes a minute, then says, "if you want, I bet you could join us. You could announce your charity and make it an early fundraiser if you want to risk the salsa, or you could just play with us for fun."

"I... you're sure you'd all want me to play?"

"I think so. I could ask everyone, but I don't really see a reason why not."

"If you think it would be okay, I'd like that. And maybe... I don't want to take anything away from you or Bea, but if you think it would be okay, maybe I could sort of... generally explain the plan for my charity and see about raising some support? I don't want the official opening or announcement to be on a D&D game, especially since it's so last minute, but maybe do a sort of soft opening."

"I think that makes sense. Let me text Nora and the others to make sure they're okay with you playing, then I'll teach you the basics and we'll get you a bear."

Half an hour later, they're sitting down in front of a camera, Philip armed with a rudimentary knowledge of how the game works and an unhinged polar bear whose role in their heist will be to be the face of the operation. Nora makes them roll for hats to wear, and Philip rolls a cowboy hat, so he becomes a cute unhinged polar bear in a cowboy hat. He explains his charity wearing said cowboy hat, and Bea explains hers in a trilby and Henry explains his in both a fez and a top hat, so they are obviously ready to be taken entirely seriously by the British public. It is especially obvious how serious this whole thing is when Alex, wearing a top hat of his own, protests that the salsa isn't even that bad, and Nora threatens that it might burn the taste buds off royals used to plain toast. When the announcements of charities and prizes are over and the Diaz Double Spicy Salsa has been placed ominously behind them, Nora gets down to business, explaining their mission to steal not only the world's best honey, but also the beehive of legendary American president Abraham Lincoln, thought to be haunted by the ghost of Lincoln himself, from a convention being held in the middle of a bustling city.

Alex, a polar bear officially labeled "incompetent", is the brains behind the operation, so it's off to a great start, especially when they find out that Bea also rolled to be the brains of the operation, and her rookie honey badger isn't much better at it. June is the muscle of their group, a slick sun bear ready to sense honey and not let anything stand in her way, and she takes initiative to pull doors off buildings and break down walls while getaway driver Pez (an equally incompetent polar bear) drives through them and Philip is left trying to explain away the rubble they leave behind them. Henry, a retired sun bear tasked with hacking into systems, has just gotten a safe open to reveal not the honey they're after, but a note from a rival team of bears who got there first. As he's reading it, the doors slam closed, and the room begins to fill with poison gas. At the last minute, June moves as many stats as she safely can to bear, and rolls to tear down the door. It flies off its hinges, and Pez bursts through as Henry hacks into the other bears' GPS while Philip, on Alex's orders, impersonates a human for the news and asks for any calls about bear criminals to be directed to him. It's a whirlwind of chaos and laughter that culminates in a nearly impossible getaway, with Pez almost giving up all his bear instincts and June nearly being picked up by animal control as they make a final escape back to the woods.

Nora closes them down in a final scene so moving it deserves an Oscar, and the players cheer, Philip joining them in their laughter. Nora pulls up their donation results and grins.

"What are the numbers, Nora?" Henry asks.

"Good news for all of you, we blew our goal out of the water. Which means, it's three big spoons of double spicy, coming right up." She passes the spoons out, and Alex grabs the salsa. He grins as he passes it down, and Pez dips an experimental chip into it before passing it on to Henry. He tries it, then laughs.

"Ooh, this is going to hurt."

Henry looks at his siblings, each of them with a spoonful of salsa, Philip looking like he might have a regret or two. Alex counts them down, and they all put it in their mouths at the same time.

Philip's whole face goes red almost immediately. Henry feels himself start sweating, and he reaches for the milk greedily as Alex pours it. He glances past Philip to Bea, expecting to see her struggling like he and Philip are, but she looks absolutely normal. He manages a "how?" in between gulps of milk, and she shrugs.

"It's good. Hot, but good. I like it. Pez, pass the chips."

Pez is laughing as they cut the cameras. Henry emerges from his glass of milk to see Alex leaning forward to kiss him, and rather than the nice kiss he was expecting, he's met with a heat that could rival dragon breath, leaving him reaching for more milk as Nora laughs. Philip is laughing, too.

Later, they'll find out just how much they raised for Philip's charity even before it's officially off the ground. Philip will open his instagram or twitter and find out just how willing supporters of Bea and Henry are to rally behind him, and even more importantly, he'll realize just how many members of the military, current and former and from all levels, support his ideas and his work. He'll find DMs full of stories and love, and fan art of them as bears, wearing ridiculous hats and stealing honey from a high rise. But for now, he makes eye contact with a sputtering Henry, and they smile, and something unspoken passes between them.

It feels like one of the promises they would have made each other when they were little, barely able to understand what a promise was. Like they're promising to fight dragons and cross oceans and go to space for each other, and to be best friends forever and ever and never fight or say bad things ever. And maybe they'll never be best friends again, and there will probably be times where they'll say bad things or lash out, but in that moment, Philip knows: he'd fight a dragon for Henry. He'd fight a dragon, and parliament, and their Gran, and anyone else Henry needed him to fight. And he knows that Henry would do the same for him.

On AO3

Notes:

The game they're playing is called Honey Heist, and I rolled for all their roles/hats, so it really is as chaotic as it seems. It's great, played almost entirely with d6s, and a super easy intro to D&D! You can find it here.

--

Want to support the Hannah-Makes-Art fund? You can tip me in ko-fi here!

[captainswan-asyouwish]

This Is Us star Jennifer Morrison on why she joined the show, what to expect from Cassidy

Once upon a time — actually, about two weeks ago — This Is Us uncorked a rather unconventional season 4 premiere. This extended episode introduced a parade of new characters with no discernible tether to the Pearson universe… until the final stretch of the episode, when their connections became (more) evident. Among these new faces: Once Upon A Time and House alum Jennifer Morrison playing Cassidy, an accomplished military officer who suffers from PTSD and returns home to her husband, Ryan (Nick Wechsler), and 9-year-old son, detached and alienated from her old life and clearly suffering. One day she comes home drunk, and in a fit of frustration she winds up accidentally striking her son. Ryan orders her to leave the house, and she winds up seeking help via a support group for veterans. While she’s opening up about her experiences during a session, the moment is interrupted by a chair being thrown through the window. Through its shattered remains, we see our link to a broken Pearson and the perpetrator of the act: Nicky (Griffin Dunne), who’s clutching a bottle of booze.

Tuesday’s episode of the family drama, “Unhinged,” saw Cassidy cross paths with another Pearson, Kevin (Justin Hartley), as he played video games with her son in the waiting room of the veterans’ center (and later single-handedly pushed him into therapy). After meeting Kevin, Cassidy was more formally introduced the disruptor himself, Nicky, and the three of them would share an odd moment of connection — and an unexpected laugh — later in the hour. Elsewhere in the episode: Toby (Chris Sullivan) reluctantly revealed his secret abs to wife Kate (Chrissy Metz), she would bond with a brusque neighbor (welcome back to TV, Timothy Omundson!), Randall (Sterling K. Brown) was forced to make some tough decisions at the office (don’t let the lack of door hit you on the way out, Bernice!), and Miguel (Jon Huertas) continued his mission to win you over by saving Jack (Milo Ventimiglia) from job termination.

Let’s remove the cucumber slices from our eyes and the fish sticks from the microwave, rock a suit like Arsenio Hall, crush some Mario Kart, take the door off the hinges, and welcome Jennifer Morrison into the group.

ENTERTAINMENT WEEKLY: Your agent tells you there’s a role for you on This Is Us. Your first reaction is…? JENNIFER MORRISON: Oh, I absolutely want to do it. By the way, this was not something that was just like offered to me. I had to fight for this. I love the show. I’m a fan of the show, and I’ve heard that there was a great guest arc coming for a strong female and [creator] Dan Fogelman auditions everybody. Everybody auditions for the show. My team came to me and they were like, “Is this something that you would want enough that you’d be willing to read for?” And I said, “Uhhh, yeah!”

You’re playing a veteran who’s been in the thick of war. How much did Dan and the producers tell you so you could accurately play this character — and what kind of research did you do? It’s a combination of their research and my research. They’re so incredibly thorough over there, which has been wonderful. Dan and I spoke quite a bit about the research the writers have done and the way that they were coming up with this character. Even every department had a lot of research, which was super-helpful. I’m not used to having that many resources in one place. The props department brought a ton of research about some of the tactical gear and the logistics, and the wardrobe brought more research about exactly what uniforms you can wear, when, how, why.

I had played a soldier years ago in an independent film [2013’s Alpha Alert], so I had done some previous research that definitely bled over into this research. I went back to some of the memoirs that I read for that and went online and looked through some of the research about veterans who come home and are dealing with post-traumatic stress disorder. I re-read a couple books about war. It was a lot of going back to my notes for that [film,] and that character was also struggling with PTSD…. I also started following some veterans online on Instagram and following their everyday lives. I felt like that was another texture to the research — not just knowing what it was like to be in Afghanistan, and not just what it’s like to face the horrors of everything that you’re facing when you’re over there, but also see what people’s everyday lives look like when they came home.

We’ve seen how the horrors of war have ravaged Nicky, and how Jack was able to somewhat successfully compartmentalize them and raise his family. We’ve seen the beginnings of how Cassidy is having trouble readjusting to civilian life. What does her path forward look like? There’s not a ton I can say about it, but Dan and all the writers had been really careful to be incredibly accurate about how delicate that journey is and how unique it is for each person facing it. I don’t think any one person comes home from facing those kind of horrors and has the same exact reaction to it, you know? So I think that’s something that they’ve done a great job with the writing, is really paying attention to the nuance of exactly what this particular woman is doing to try to unwind some of the damage that’s been done.

What adjectives would you use to describe her path forward? I mean, it’s complicated. I know that that’s super-vague, but it is complicated. There’s no clear path to healing, so there’s definitely steps forward and then there’s steps backwards.

From the get-go, what intrigued you about Cassidy? What was it about her that made you say, “I really want to explore this woman in the military?” Just getting that first script that showed the beginning of who Cassidy was going to be and setting up her backstory was just wildly complicated in a way that is just so intriguing to an actor. To see every corner of her in the sense that you start by seeing her super-vulnerable and missing her family and almost resistant to call her family because she knows how vulnerable it’s going to make her when she’s in a place where she needs to stay strong all the time. And then going from that level of vulnerability to questioning this woman in the hospital and almost threatening her and how strong and aggressive she has to be in that moment. And then turned around with so much regret, hoping that what she promised she could follow through on. And then finding out what she promised she couldn’t follow through on. And then the military ended up just bombing them anyway. The levels of humanity that were there just even in that first script — and it continues. you start seeing more and more corners of her as you see more episodes. There was such a full person on the page and such a complete person on the page, which was so exciting. So often when we write a strong, smart woman, she has to always be tough. They leave very little room for somebody to be vulnerable. And the truth is really strong, smart women are vulnerable and delicate in other ways as well. There’s a real wholeness to that. That was already in the writing, which was so exciting because instead of having me try to find that, I could build from that.

Speaking of Cassidy’s time overseas, are there more war experiences for us to uncover through her eyes? Will we learn more about what made her join the military and how quickly she moved through the ranks as a woman? She’s clearly very good at what she does. She is very good at what she does. I don’t think I can talk about that. But I can say she’s someone who really has worked her way up. That’s something that we definitely talked about it. She didn’t come in at some sort of advantage. She was not in a certain position because she had gone to the right school. She really has earned her way out because of her ability.

In the season premiere, Cassidy’s husband, Ryan, orders her out of the house after she accidentally strikes their son. In this episode, Cassidy tells Kevin that her husband wants her to get help. How fragile is their marriage at this point? From the point at which she hurts her son accidentally — and obviously very accidentally — I think that it’s incredibly fractured. Not only is her husband concerned and afraid of the circumstances, but she is. The last thing in the world she would ever want to do is hurt her child, yet that moment felt completely out of her control, and I don’t think there’s anything more terrifying for a parent to feel like their child might not be safe with them. It’s definitely what scares her into trying to figure out what would be the best way forward to get help.

A lot of fans have been speculating that Cassidy would be a romantic interest for Kevin, especially after a who-is-the-mother-of-Kevin’s-son mystery was introduced in the season 3 finale. What can you say to those fans speculating heavily in that direction? [Laughs] They’re speculating about any woman who could possibly have logistically had his child. So I feel like I’m in good company with all the people being speculated about…. They can speculate. There’s nothing more I can say.

Does that question also feel a little reductive considering the story you’re telling here about this woman who’s dealing with PTSD from war? Besides, she’s got this complex family situation with a young son to attend to and maybe even salvage. So that may not even be the fifth most important thing going on here. That’s what I have to say is so impressive about Dan Fogelman and Isaac [Aptaker, co-showrunner] and Liz [Berger, co-showrunner], and the whole writing team over there, is that there is such depth and so many layers and so much honesty to what they’ve written for this character. No matter where things go in terms of how she ends up fitting into who she knows and how she relates to anyone from the Pearson family, they’ve really gone the distance to write something that is really honoring the truth of someone who would’ve gone over to Afghanistan and dealt with what she’s dealing with. And I think that that is just so beautiful. It’s rare as a guest star — I feel like I’m being written for the way a series regular would be written for. There’s no holding back in terms of what they’ve brought to the page in such an amazing way, which I so appreciate it, and it makes me better. It makes me stretch, it gives me an opportunity to grow every time I’m on that set, which I really love. It’s really exciting.

But at the same time, I don’t blame anyone for wondering how she fits into the world. They’ve cared about these characters for three years and they’ve gone through a lot with them. And they’re connected to that family in such a powerful way, I think it’s only natural that when you bring someone with this much story into the mix, you want to know, “Well, how do they fit into this puzzle?” I don’t blame anyone for asking that question, but I do appreciate the delicacy and attention with which the writers have handled her story line.

Small characters don’t get $1,200 water heater scenes. You don’t just throw away a moment like that on a small character. Yeah, it was beautiful. And there’s more to come. Every script always pleasantly surprises me with a new layer that is revealing about Cassidy.

Nicky did not get off on the right foot with her by throwing a chair through the window while she was in the middle of a group share. As we saw in that final scene with them, nowhere to go from there but up? Clearly they share that bond of having experienced and been traumatized by war… Yeah. There’s a lot I can’t say, but what I can say is that moment when he throws the chair through the window — and this is such a tribute to where wonderful actor Griffin is; he just brings so much to every single little look and thought and everything he says and does — but she so sees herself in him immediately. Someone could be kind of pissed or off-put, like she was in being interrupted, or the level of anxiety that she’s facing in her life based on all those things are falling apart and to have this thing kind of interrupt it. And it’s not what happens for her. What happens is she turns at the shock of the noise and then looks in his eyes and sees herself. There’s something so powerful about that because what’s broken in him is broken in her. And even though there are two unique beings who’ve never met before that moment, there’s no doubt that there’s something parallel about what they’re going through.

She does seem taken in by him in the aftermath of the shattering, which by the way was totally jarring. It’s like a jump-scare! I mean, I shot the scene and when I watched it back, I forgot it was about to happen. [Laughs] What a brave move it was for Dan and the writers to decide to introduce you to these new characters, knowing that they have three more years on the show, if not more, and in order to be able to reveal more and more about their [main] characters, they needed to have more people for them to bounce off of. But for that to mean anything, you have to really know the new people to care about the way they interact with the Pearsons. So it was a really bold move to go the distance to really set up these new back stories.… There’s metaphor on top of metaphor in terms of the way that they’re really layering this idea of how strangers impact our future and how at some point everyone in our lives was a stranger, and eventually they either pass through or they become family. There’s just such a beautiful theme that they’ve laid through all of the episodes that lean into that idea.

At the end of this episode, when Kevin makes a ridiculous comment, it breaks down the walls of not only Cassidy but Nicky, and the three of them share an inappropriate laugh. How would you describe the dynamic between this trio? They’re all broken in very particular ways, some of which are similar and some of which are very different. So in a sense they’re a triangle that makes one whole. All three of them are a corner of the triangle that is holding each one of them up. And any one of them missing from that triangle would be a problem at this moment in their life.

Rounding off to the nearest dozen, how many This Is Us secrets are you keeping right now? Well, here’s what I can say: I have purposely not read stuff that I’m not in to be able to enjoy it as an audience member. I’ve been very diligent about giving myself the opportunity to stay an audience member for what I don’t participate in. So I have luckily eliminated a certain number of secrets by doing that. [Laughs] But gosh, I don’t know, maybe a couple dozen? Depending on how detailed you want to get with what you consider a secret.

Fair to say that Cassidy will be sticking around for a while? I guess the way that Dan has put it is that she’s a significant part of this season. So that’s the way I will reiterate it.

Can you give viewers one cryptic hint — a word, a phrase — about what awaits with Cassidy this season? Hmm… paperwork.

(X)

[krackheadkulture]

OUR MIDNIGHT

Pairing: OC X Han Jisung Word Count: 12k+  Genre: Fluff, Romance, Dance AU

[FIRST PERSON PERSPECTIVE] 

My mother was not a smart lady nor was she one that was respected by many. People often looked down at the ragged clothing of hers whenever she was on the streets selling bread. However, she was the one who taught me many things that I needed in life more than what the schools could offer. When I first started working at the age of 16, she only gave me one advice without a look of concern or worry in her eyes: ‘If anyone dares try to hit on you, tell them that you have plastic surgery’. The 16 year old me would look at my mother as if she was crazy but after some tries, it did work like a charm! It was very helpful indeed for the next two years, especially since I started working at a small café near a university where male teenagers or young adults would visit often. It did work well, but no plan can ever succeed without a tiny flaw, and that was also how I met him. 

 It was a quiet Monday evening, finally ending the first week of working at the café. My job was easy in the evening since many people have ended school and have headed home or to the Internet cafes to play games. The café was partially empty, with only a couple of students huddling together to study quietly amongst themselves. 

 Since there were not many customers, instead of making coffees, I was cleaning the tables until I heard a quiet ring of the bell hanging just above the door to notify me that a customer had entered. I paused at my place and immediately headed to the counter to take the customer’s order on cue. 

 “Hello, welcome to Heaven’s café,” I greeted with a small smile as I looked up, seeing my customer for the first time. He was a boy around my age. His face was hidden behind a black cap, a black disposable mask and a pair of round thin gold-framed glasses. He was wearing a white t-shirt paired with a black leather jacket and black pants. “What would you like to order?” 

 The boy looked down at the menu and glanced at me. His brown eyes made a short eye contact with me before pointing to a beverage on the menu. “A tall iced Americano, please,” he replied. His voice was a little husky. I gave him another smile before noting down the order onto the register. 

“One tall ice Americano,” I repeated. “That will be 3,000 won.” The boy nodded his head before handing me the money from his pocket. I quickly placed the money into the cash register and handed him the receipt. “Thank you. Please take a seat and wait while I get you your drink ready immediately.” I turned around to start making his coffee, filling the café once again with the bitter yet amazing aroma of the fresh coffee beans. It did not take long for me to finally make the cup of Americano and headed to the table that the boy was seated at. I made my way to the corner right of the café that was hidden away from many people’s eyes and settled the coffee in front of him with a smile. “There you go,” I said before turning around. 

 “Are you new here?” The husky voice asked, causing me to halt at my feet. I turned around and raised my eyebrow at the mysterious looking boy. “I haven’t seen you before,” he explained. 

“Yes,” I replied carefully. “I just started a week ago.” “That’s why…” he replied with a nod. “You caught my eye for a moment.” 

 I raised my eyebrows. Was this a sign of flirting? I asked myself before deciding on my new response. “I had plastic surgery,” I cut in immediately, using my mom’s advice, which now forced him to look confused. 

He stared hard at me for a couple of seconds, unhinged by my response before finally breaking down into a laugh. “What are you trying to say? Is… is this perhaps your way of rejecting guys that hit on you?” 

 My face reddened a little when he realized my method. I nodded my head reluctantly. “Yes,” I whispered. 

 “That’s a very interesting way of rejecting guys, I have to admit it but don’t worry, I was just curious because this café is the one that I normally visit,” the boy said. His voice sounded muffled through the mask. 

 “My mom taught me that,” I explained. “She’s nothing much but she is my role model.” 

 “Then I respect her,” the boy smiled. His eyes bent into crescents. It actually looked adorable on him. 

 “Me too,” I nodded my head, suddenly sadden as I thought of her but the sadness vanished almost immediately as I faced him. “But why would you ask? I didn’t know any customers that were interested in knowing the staffs.” 

He gave me a quiet smile without saying anything. I glanced at him for a moment, observing him, and then the clothes he wore. I opened my mouth, almost regretting the words that came out of my lips. “But since… I told you a little about myself, let’s hear a little about you then. What’s with the mask and the… cover up?” 

 “I only asked you if you were new,” the boy laughed. “But I should return the favor then. However, if I told you, you might get shocked.” “Why?” I raised my eyebrow. “Are you… some kind of celebrity or something?” 

Now it was his turn to raise his eyebrow. “How did you know?” He asked, finally pulling down his mask to reveal his face. His cheeks puffed up as he spoke. I shrugged my shoulders. 

“I have… a way with things,” I replied shortly. Looking at him made me smile a lot because god, he was actually really good looking. His smile made his eyes brighten up. 

“My name’s Han,” the boy finally introduced himself. 

“Han? I’m Miyeon,” I replied with another smile. “Would I be seeing you anywhere on the news soon, Mr. Celebrity?” 

He chuckled before shrugging. “Who knows,” he smiled and looked down at his fingers before slipping a ring out of his index finger, placing it on the table. “Well, let me know if you finally see me on the news.” He stood up with his drink and started to walk away. 

 “Your ring!” I stared at the ring and then back at him. 

“Give it back to me once you see and know me,” he smiled and winked at me before disappearing through the doors. I wrapped my hand around the silver ring and stared at it, sighing. I was not even sure if there were any chance of me ever meeting him again. 

- 

 I normally worked at the café every other day except for Sunday. During the weekdays, the working hours for me started at 4pm, an hour right after I finished school- that was enough time to fetch my brother from my neighbors whom kindly offered to pick my brother up from primary school back home- until about 11pm. Monday and Friday were the only days that I was able to finish work at about 7pm so I was able to do my own personal matters and that was mostly dancing. A few weeks ago, before I have even worked at the café, I had always enjoyed dancing and when one of my friends introduced me to this major dance competition, I thought it was finally a chance to live for what I loved and joined the competition. So the two days were always the only days including half the day of Sunday to practice. 

 However, after the meeting with the mysterious man, my mind was so distracted- filled with curiosity about Han- that it lead to me completely missing the appointed time with my dance partner by an hour. I cursed at myself once I finally looked at the clock, the first time I ever looked away from the silver ring in my hands. I quickly headed back to the staffs’ resting room and grabbed my bag from my locker before dashing out to the dance studio. 

It took me about twenty minutes to reach the dance studio after spending the rest of my remaining energy running for my life. I took two steps at a time up the stairs to the second floor of one of the many blocks and barged through the glass doors of the dance studio’s entrance. 

The receptionist tilted her head slightly at the door and nodded her head in acknowledgement when she saw me. She pointed at the corridor to her left side. “He’s waiting for you in studio 5. What happened today, Miyeon? You’re usually not late at all.” 

“I got carried away by accident,” I explained, trying to catch my breath as I dashed past the receptionist to the studio that she had mention. “Thanks a lot, Miss Jang!” 

As soon as I reached the dance studio, I pushed opened the wooden brown door that opened up to a gigantic space. Lights were lit everywhere in the room, making everything brighter. The large mirror that was on the opposite of the door reflected all the light illuminated and in the middle of the room, a boy about a year or two older than me sat on the polished wood floor. 

The boy looked up from the ground to see me through the mirror. His hair was wet from the sweat and it covered his eyes, making his expression unidentifiable. “You’re late,” his voice echoed across the room. “What happened?” 

“Sorry,” I tried to smile weakly as I closed the door behind him. “I… I got carried away.” The boy pushed his black hair away from his face and gave me a smile. 

“It’s okay, Miyeon. I get it,” he explained. “You must still be thinking how being late might affect me since I have a tight schedule but don’t worry. Mondays, Fridays and Sundays are always dedicated to our dance practices no matter what my group has to do.” 

“Thank you so much for understanding, Minho,” I said gratefully. “I just… feel bad for stealing you away from your group and your members.” 

“Stray Kids can live even for a few hours without me,” Minho grinned before standing up. “And while you weren’t here, I took the initiative to order food for you because I have a feeling that you have not eaten.” 

I smiled at my friend. Lee Minho had been my childhood friend ever since I was about 6 and him about 8. We met one another in a dance camp and we instantly clicked together as soon as we were placed in the same group. I watched him grew as he watched me grew as well. I knew how important dance was to him. He had gotten into a career out of dance, starting from being the backup dancer for BTS to breaking out of his shell to becoming a trainee of JYP. It had been so hard for him. He had been pushed down onto the ground and had spent his time at the lowest during the period of time but he remained strong and stayed determined and alas, finally debuting into his group: Stray Kids. 

I did not knew Stray Kids well enough but from what Minho had told me, they seem to be really supportive for one another and have a lot of passion in what they did, which I truly respected. They were all so close that they treated one another as family members instead of just colleagues or friends, and that was definitely one of the beauty I saw in the group; they were able to sacrifice anything just to help their family. 

I glanced at Minho’s face and smiled before looking at the food he had order. The floor was covered in different delicacies ranging from street food to restaurant-made, all which were my all-time favorites. “You didn’t have to,” I blushed. “You could’ve just gotten me a convenient store sandwich and I’ll be satisfied, happy and full!” I pouted. 

“And make sure you’re malnutrition? Not on my watch, sister,” Minho said, earning a laugh from me. 

 “But how can we finish all of these food? You should’ve brought Jisung along! Did you not say that he couldn’t live without you? And from what I have heard from you, he loves to eat,” I giggled. 

I have never met any of Minho’s members but I could grasp their personalities and characteristics just by hearing Minho’s stories about them. “Well, it’s true that he can’t live without me but I shouldn’t bring him here since today’s the day for just the two of us,” he wiggled his eyebrows at me, making me burst into laughter. 

“Stop it!” I tried to stop myself from laughing more. 

“You stop it! Hurry up! Finish the food and let’s get dancing already,” Minho rolled his eyes before pushing me onto the ground, in front of all the food. 

“And vomit on the floor from eating too much and doing too much excessive exercises?” I raised my eyebrow again before earning a punch on my shoulder from the latter. 

- 

 The days passed by very quickly as work and school started to pile higher, but there were no signs of the mysterious man. He stopped visiting the café and I realized I was starting to think of him more and more, so much more that it overtook my mind. I remembered every detail of his face, from his soft crescent shaped eyes that sparkled whenever he smiled, his smile that made his cheeks puffed up to look like a squirrel to his silky blond hair that was hidden behind the black cap. Everything about him was so interesting that I started to crave wanting to know him more. And because of that, I was late to the dance studio again. 

I was dashing through the busy crowd at 7pm. Everyone was heading in different directions: some heading home from work, some hanging out with friends and many just returning from their tuition centers. “Excuse me,” I repeated as I swiftly passed many bodies crossing past me, trying not to bump into anyone. It was going rather smoothly, until I just had to hit someone’s shoulders really hardly. “Whoa!” I said, trying to remain calm as I stopped on my steps. “I am so sorry. I really did not see you and it is completely my fault-“ 

“It’s okay,” the person replied quietly. His grey cap was covering his eyes from my view so I could not see his face. His voice sounded familiar but I was unable to grasp it quick enough when he started to walk away and people started to fill up the empty space that he had left. But alas, he was completely out of my view and that was when I remembered that I was also rushing to somewhere as well. 

It took me approximately 10 minutes to reach the dance studio quickly. I was completely out of breath when my hands touched the glass doors that lead into the dance studio. Minho had constantly called my phone to make sure that I was arriving, which was very rare. “I’m here, I’m here,” I chattered really quickly as soon as my phone rested on my ear for the nth time today, opening the door to the receptionist and giving a nod at Miss Jang who kindly pointed to the dance studio Minho was in. 

“Hurry! I don’t think Jaemyeon wants to be with me,” Minho groaned at the other end of the call as I finally reached the dance studio and pushed the door opened, revealing Minho with a small boy clinging onto him. Minho turned to look at me and mouthed at me. “Get him off me!” 

I ended the call and slipped my phone into my pocket before crouching a little and opened my arms. “Hey there little monster!” I smiled as I looked at the boy next to Minho. The boy turned around quickly and grinned as well, finally releasing his grip on the desperate looking Minho and ran straight to me, giving me a hug. 

“Where were you, noona?” My little brother asked. His grip in the embrace remained firm. “I missed you.” 

“Did Minho hyung not treat you well?” I raised my eyebrow, looking at the older boy who was looking awkwardly at our short embrace. 

“Hyung didn’t want to play with me!” He pouted, now looking at me. “All hyung wanted to do was to come here and wait for you!” 

I laughed and patted my little brother’s head. “But he did fetch you from school, right? And also feed you, right?” I asked him and he pouted again. 

“Fine! But I thought that I was going to be a boring kid if I become quiet,” Jaemyeon explained. 

“Well, I rather you be a boring kid than be an exhausting kid,” Minho commented, walking to us now. He looked at me before awkwardly patting my brother’s head. “And since we’ll… be busy dancing, I brought one of my members along so that Jaemyeon here can be cared for and might also give us some comments for our dance.”

I raised my eyebrow. Minho had never ever introduced me to his members ever since he entered the company so it was weird that he wanted to show me them out of nowhere. 

“Who is it?” I grinned. “Is it Chris? Is it Woojin? Oh! Is he Jeongin? You know maybe Jeongin is good with my brother since he has a little brother as well-“ 

“No, no,” Minho cut in, laughing. “It’s someone I’m sure that will take great care of Jaemyeon. So great that he can get a certificate for being one of the best ‘nannies’ on this world! And currently, he’s buying food for Jaemyeon since this little monster says he’s starving- don’t worry! I did feed him a couple of hours ago!” 

“Don’t say it’s Changbin!” I took another guess. “Or would it b-“ 

“It’s me,” someone interrupted our conversation. I paused; startled at the sudden voice before turning around to find the same grey cap man I had bumped into. He held up the bags of food he was holding. “And I got food.” 

-

I swear, at that moment, my entire muscles tensed up and my mind went blank. The moment my eyes finally met his eyes under the gray cap, I did not thought that it was possible that I finally met him once again. 

“Han?” The name slipped from my lips before I could stop myself. 

The boy gave me a tiny smile and nodded his head. “I see we meet again.” 

“You two know one another?” Minho interrupted quickly, barging into the space between the both of us, turning to Han first. “Jisung, why on earth did you not tell me you know Miyeon?” And turned to me. “And you, Baek Miyeon, why was I unaware that you have befriended Jisung.” 

“Wait,” I cut in. “Jisung? Isn’t this Han? He said his name is Han. Are you sure that’s not the boy you always mentioned about? Are you hallucinating?” 

Minho raised his eyebrow at the other boy. “Did you really have to tell everyone your stage name?” 

“Why not,” the other boy asked. “I thought it was easier to remember than Jisung.” 

“Wait, so Jisung and Han are the same person?” I commented looking more confused than I was ever once again. 

Jisung raised his arms and looked at me with a smile. “That’s me!” He said. “And yes, I had no idea you were the girl Minho mentions everyday but it’s a pleasure to meet you.” 

“Jisung hyung!” The tiny voice that I had forgotten about erupted from behind me. The small figure rushed past me, heading straight into Jisung’s embrace. “You’re finally back!” Jisung laughed and ruffled Jaemyeon’s head before touching his nose softly. 

“I was gone for only five minutes, did you miss me that much?” Jaemyeon glanced at Minho quickly before turning back to Jisung. 

“Yes,” he said extremely quietly, earning another chuckle from the older boy and a protest from Minho. 

“Now, let’s go eat your food at the back of the studio shall we, Jaemyeon? While we watch your noona and Minho hyung?” Jisung gently lead the small boy across the room to the back where they settled quietly and started eating. Minho glanced at me. 

“Ready?” He asked, heading to the speakers and pressed the play button. And in a couple of seconds, the soft melody of our song started to play. 

I looked up from the ground… to see your sad and teary eyes…

I quickly got into character as Minho approached me from behind and lifted my head up gently as his hand brushed past the space under my eyes before spinning me around to face him. Our steps moving in sync with one another as the next lyrics were sang. 

You look away from me and I see there’s something you’re trying to hide… 

My eyes quickly diverged from Minho’s, trying to look away. My legs dropped and he caught me by my arms and before spinning me around for the second time again. Our moves became more and more fluid, moving together as one and understanding one another’s feelings throughout the entire dance routine. I forgot everything around me, and was only focused on the boy in front of me as we moved and controlled our bodies to tell our story using the song. 

The dance soon ended quickly as the melody started to slow down and down… and finally the last lyrics were sung. 

 It’ll… be alright… 

 Minho held my hand. His grip on mine loosened as I pulled away, walking away from him. The silent remained for a couple of moments before I heard applause coming from our two audiences that I had completely forgotten about. 

“Bravo!” My little brother cheered as he started jumping up and down in joy. Minho approached behind me and trapped me into his embrace as he leaned his head onto my shoulders, all sweaty. 

“Was it that good, kiddo?” He winked at the little boy. 

“Ew, get away from me, Lee Minho! You’re sweaty!” I gasped as the sweat from his face dripped down slowly. I tried to escape his grasp but he refused to budge. 

“How was it, Jisung?” Minho now diverged his attention to his friend who was still seated. I could see a slight smile from the latter. 

“It’s… It’s great,” he replied quietly. 

Minho grinned and turned me around, shaking me by grabbing my shoulders. “Yes! We have our perfect routine!” Minho cheered before enveloping me into a hug. “But as you know, we have to keep on practicing in order to make this work! We only have… how many more days?” 

“Seven…” Jisung replied instead of me. My eyes widen when I realized how close the competition was from us now. 

“A-are you sure?” I looked at the eyes beneath the gray cap. I could not read his emotionless face as he nodded quietly. 

“Oh god,” Minho dragged me to the middle of the dance floor again. “We have to continue practicing and practicing if we were to win this entire thing.” I rolled my eyes at the energetic older boy, unable to protest as the music started to play again and I was drawn back into the world between the both of us, not realizing the audience that had remained there with us.

- 

It was already midnight by the time we finally finished our dance practice. My legs were sore and I was panting. Sweat was dripping down from both Minho and I. 

“Noona… are you done now?” A drowsy voice called me and I realized that my brother was still with us. “I…. I’m… I’m sleepy.” 

“Myeon-nie!” I called out as the tiny boy came into my arms and wrapped his arms around my neck. “I’m so sorry! I forgot that you were here with me and how fast the time has flied!” I carried him in my arms and turned to Minho who nodded at me. 

“Go now,” he said as he handed me my bag. “I’ll just hang in here for a while more.” I quickly slipped my bag onto my shoulders while carrying my sleepy brother and quickly headed out of the dance room, not realizing someone was following me until he spoke aloud. 

“Are you going to go home alone?” The voice made me stop. I turned around to find Jisung looking at me quietly from the practice room’s door. 

“I have my brother along. So I’m not alone,” I replied with a soft smile. 

“Well, I’m not leaving the two of you alone to go back home. I’m following you,” Jisung said, approaching me as he carefully removed Jaemyeon from my arms and securely carrying him in his arms. “Let’s go,” he motioned me in his low voice as he started to walk down. 

“Where are you going? You don’t even know my house!” I called after him. “What about Minho?” 

“Then lead the way and… he’ll be fine,” he replied without looking back. I rolled my eyes and quickly caught up to the duo as the three of us took off through the darkened outside. 

- 

The journey way back home was quiet. Except for the rustling leaves that fluttered along with the wind, everything was still and silent. Our footsteps echoed along the concrete ground as we walked through the once busied streets of many stores. The way back usually took about 15 minutes from the dance studio but walking along with the once mysterious man made it thrice the time longer. My hands would play with themselves under the sleeves of my jacket out of awkwardness. 

“Are you cold?” Jisung’s voice spoke out, breaking the silence between the both of us. I looked to my right to see his handsome face hidden under a black mask. “Your hands have been twitching ever since we exited the studio.” 

Oh snap. He noticed as well, I thought, mentally smacking myself. “No,” I replied softly. “It’s not even freezing-“ 

“In the middle of December, yeah right,” Jisung cut in. Before I knew it, he removed my hand from my other hand and grabbed it in-between his large free hand that was not holding Jaemyeon. “You lied. Your hand is freezing.” 

“It is?” I raised my eyebrow as I quickly removed my hand from his. I could feel heat rising up to my cheeks as I diverted my attention from him. “I… I didn’t… know that.” 

“Do you mind taking my hot pack?” Jisung suggested, searching for his before handing it to me. 

“Why would you even have a hot pack with you?” I asked before taking it quickly, placing the small pack in between my hands. 

“Minho gets cold easily so I would carry one for him at all times despite the weather or the season we are in,” Jisung explained. “But he hasn’t been asking me because… maybe you have been the one supplying him with the hot packs?” 

I grinned. “You’re absolutely correct but unfortunately, I forgot to bring one today.” 

“You know, we share a lot of things in common because of that one guy,” Jisung suddenly changed the subject as the two of us continued walking down the street. He turned to look at me before focusing back onto the road. “You were basically the only person he talked about to us and… I admired you from the way he talked about you.” 

“What did he say… so highly about me?” I raised my eyebrow. 

“Nothing much, just how pretty you are and how talented you are,” Jisung chuckled. “And after seeing you for the first time, I actually agree with him.” 

“I plead to object. How am I pretty and how am I talented?” I asked. 

“And I decline your objection. You only see yourself with all your flaws,” Jisung explained. “And you shouldn’t, because you wouldn’t realize how amazing and beautiful you look. No matter what everyone tells you, you would only say negatively about yourself.” 

“Like how you thought yourself as the most handsome until Hyunjin showed up?” I asked with a chuckle. 

“Don’t tell me he told you that too,” he groaned before bursting into laughter. “But well, that’s an example! Be true to yourself no matter what.” 

“But I do agree with you. You are handsome,” I smiled. 

“Don’t I agree with myself too,” he commented with a nod, earning a groan and an eye roll from me. Our short conversation ended shortly as we continued to walk down the street. We passed many shops and restaurant and finally reaching a big park where he spoke again. “And you are talented you know…” 

“How so?” I asked quietly. 

“You can dance… you can… bake… you are a role model, you know that too? You take care of your brother while managing to balance between school and work,” he said. “Gosh, you can even rap.” 

I groaned at that immediately as my face reddened for the second time. “Did… did Lee Minho secretly recorded me again?” 

“With video… but your entire face was blocked,” Jisung added. “But you are good at rapping and acting as if you were on show me the money.”  

“How about you, Mister Han? Don’t think Minho didn’t boost about you to me too,” I interjected. “I can even write a book about all the things you’re good at.” 

“Let’s hear about them then, shall we?” Jisung challenged me with a chuckle. 

I smirked. “Let’s see…” I started to think, looking at Jisung now. “You are good at rapping, GREAT at singing. God, you can literally sing the highest note I have ever heard of, you write your own songs and you have such a great cute smile-“  

“I don’t think that’s something I’m good at but I’ll just take it,” he commented. 

“I’m not done yet!” I pouted. “You’re also great at dancing and giving the best fan service with Minho. You also work nonstop and left your family just to train to be in Stray Kids and you are also the most awkward squirrel that drinks coffee I’ve ever known.” 

“And maybe the only awkward squirrel you will ever know,” he cut in. 

I rolled my eyes again and nodded my head. “Yeah, you’re correct,” I said. 

“And is there anymore?” He asked, finally pulling his mask down to show me his puffed up cheeks. 

“Your puffy cheeks?” I raised my eyebrow. He chuckled before pulling his mask up to cover his face again. I did not even know how much the time had passed after our second mini conversation until we reached a tall building. “Oh…” I drifted off. “We’re… here.” I turned to Jisung and motioned him to let me carry Jaemyeon now but he refused to budge. “I can bring him inside myself now.” 

“No. How are you going to open the door while holding a kid? You’re going to wake him up.” 

“I did it a lot of times before-“ I tried to say but was cut off by Jisung again. 

“Let’s go up now!” He said stubbornly before entering the building. I stared after him and smiled softly. 

“Wrong entrance!” I shouted after him before entering the apartment through the correct entrance with him trailing behind me as well. 

We quickly entered the elevator to the fifth floor and reached the front of my apartment. I tried my best to allow myself to carry my brother but as Minho had said, Han Jisung definitely was very stubborn. So, I had to open the door so he could settle my brother into his bed in his room. He took off my brother’s shoes and tucked him nicely into his bed as I watched from the doorway. I was impressed at how familiar he was to do all those. 

Once he was done, he exited Jaemyeon’s room. I smiled at him as he walked up to me. “How do you know to do all these?” I asked in a whisper. He raised his eyebrow in confusion. “I don’t see many people knowing how to settle a kid quietly into bed, but here you are, doing something else you’re good at.” He chuckled. 

“My older brother settles me into bed like that as well… and maybe just because I always wanted to try being the older brother for once.” 

“I’m impressed. Very impressed,” I commented before walking with him to the front door. “Well, thank you for today. Thank you for taking your time to walk my brother and I back to our home and for finally meeting you after so long. It has been long overdue.” 

He grinned. “I’m just glad I was able to help. It was actually fun to talk you. Let’s be friends, shall we?” 

“Aren’t we already friends?” I asked with a laugh. “I never know spending a midnight walking with you could be that fun.” 

“Then let’s continue our midnight adventures, shall we?” He suggested. 

I nodded and smile. “We shall.” With that, he waved at me and bid me a goodnight as he entered the elevator down and I closed the door behind me. However, the smile that was plastered on my face melted off as I remembered the one thing that I forgot to return to him. 

The ring. 

- 

Jisung was nowhere to be in sight for the next few days, but there was no time for me to think about him anymore as the date for the dance competition neared. Minho unfortunately at that time was having a comeback so he got more busier that he was unable to make it to the dance studio, so instead, we spent the rest of our remaining time at the JYP building. 

It was the third last day before the competition and I was getting a lot tenser. Minho was long gone from the vacant practice room that we had found since he was all tired from promoting and I was left all alone in the room, dancing and sweating profusely. I had long switched off the music to the song the both of us were dancing to and my sneakers squeaked across the polished floor, trying to rehearse through all the steps that I had went through with Minho, but it was too tiring. 

Instead, I flopped onto the ground and quickly rubbed my sweat away from my face as I stared myself in the mirror in front of me. Reflecting from the other side was a sweaty little girl with her straight hair tied into two braids, her baby hairs stuck to her face but she did not seem to care. I crawled my way to a corner where my bag was sitting and grabbed my water bottle, gulping down the water quickly before fetching my phone out from the small purple bag. 

I switched the phone on and the screen illuminated before me. 12am, my phone read. I quickly slipped it back into bag and stood up, walking back to the speakers where the song was supposed to be played. I was supposed to switch the song on but I had soon forgotten when another song attracted me. It was not coming out from the speakers in the practice room I was in. Instead, it was coming from a neighboring studio. 

I took a step towards the door but stopped. Was it a good idea to check on the sound? Or was it safer to stay in the practice room instead? I asked myself, my inner self debating against one another. I was curious because the melody was so catchy and it attracted me a lot, but the only thing that was refraining me from going was the warning from the staff to not loiter around the building. 

I took a deep breath before making my mind up immediately. I pushed the glass door open so I could slip out. Making sure there was no one around, I quickly darted around the corridor to look for the room the sweet melody was coming from and it took me no time to identify where it came from since there were less rooms on the corridor. 

My head peeped a little to look into the glass door that was blocked by a long curtain. I could not see anything, so I tried to press my ear through the thick glass panel to only have the door swing open since it was not properly shut. 

“Ah!” I screamed as I fell onto the ground. I closed my eyes and slowly regretted making my decision for coming after the sound. I realized that whoever was in the room realized that I was there as the melody they were playing stopped. “I’m sorry!” I immediately apologized as I stood up, my head hung down, trying to avoid eye contact. 

“Miyeon?” The familiar voice that I had missed entered my ears. “What are you doing at this hour? Especially at JYP?” 

“Jisung?” I lifted my head to find the same boy that I had met twice at the café and at the dance studio, sitting in front of a lot of computers staring at me. Unlike both time where he had a cap on and a mask that covered his face, he was sitting in front of me barefaced, his blond hair messy. He was so adorable I swear it could make my heart drop at that very moment immediately. 

“Hi there,” he greeted me with a tired smile. “You haven’t answer my question yet but please do close the door before you answer.” 

I quickly and quietly closed the door behind me and sat on the couch next to the door. “I… Minho couldn’t make it to the dance studio anymore so we decided to come here to make it easier for him, but he left and I decided to stay a little longer to practice.” 

“It’s midnight already, you know. How long have you been practicing?” Jisung asked growing concerned slowly. 

“Not long… I started at… 5pm,” I replied quietly. 

“That’s 7 hours. Aren’t you tired?” Jisung commented, earning a shake from me. He sighed. “You have to rest, Miyeon. How are you functioning without rest?” 

“I could ask you the same thing, Han Jisung,” I added in. “Why are you working now?” 

He gave me a weak smile and ruffled his hair. “I was suppose to finish this a couple of hours but I fell asleep so now’s the best time for me to complete it.” 

“And not get any sleep? Don’t you dare pull a Bang Chan,” I warned. “What are you even working on?” 

“Nothing much… just some lyrics to this song,” he rubbed his eyes and tried to cover his yawn. “How did you even know I was here anyways?” 

“You left the door ajar and the melody really captured my ears… so maybe, after seeing you here, I was thinking that I can… help you?” I suggested. 

“I would appreciate all the help I can get since I’m stuck,” Jisung nodded his head. “I’ll just play you the track first and maybe you might have an idea?” He quickly pressed the play button and the song started to play. It was soft before it started to become more upbeat and happier. The song finished quickly and I was unable to hide my amusement at the boy in front of me after the end of it. 

“Did…did you make that track yourself?” I asked. “Because that was amazing.”  

“It’s… my first time,” he answered, feeling a little shy after saying that. “I was no sure if it was something that the company would want but-“ 

“Jisung, just try,” I smiled. “I love it and if I do, I’m sure everyone else would do too. Let’s get started shall we? What are we focusing on?” 

“Thanks… for giving me such support, Miyeon,” he beamed. “I’m writing based on my real life experience.” 

“What is it about?” I asked. 

I could see his face flushed a bright red but he moved away so I could not see his face anymore. “It’s about something I never knew I would feel until a few weeks ago.” 

“And that is?” 

“Love,” he answered quietly. “I want to write my feelings down about this girl I have been thinking about.” 

“Oh…” my face soon darkened without me realizing. I could feel my heart starting to beat slower and slower. “That’s… that’s great. I’m so glad someone was able to make you feel that way.” I refused to look into his eyes as I walked up to him, facing his computer. “Let’s get started shall we?” 

For the next couple of hours, I started to share my ideas with him about how I felt and expressed love. I knew whatever I was telling him about was actually based on him. I did not know that as the time went past by us, the more I would become more intrigued in the boy sitting next to me. I never knew my heart would start beating quickly whenever I glanced up to look into his focused face… until now as he sat in front of me, talking about his feelings that I knew were never meant for me. But, we were done with the lyrics after these few hours that we had shared. 

“And… we’re done!” Jisung smiled as he clapped his hands together. He reached over and patted my head, out of my surprise, still holding his smile. “Thank you for your hard work today, Miyeon.” 

“I’m glad I could help,” I replied quietly. “But what are you going to do with it next? You can’t keep it in here forever! You need to let others know and acknowledge your skills and talent.” 

“That’s a bit too fast, especially since it might sound crazy if I sang the song alone… unless, you want to join me?” Jisung suggested. 

My eyes widen and I shook my head quickly. “No way, Han Jisung! Have you forgot how horrible my voice is?” 

“And have you forgot not to doubt yourself?” He replied back with a small smile. “Come on, Miyeon! Just try it… for me? Once? I bet no one can convey the message in the song as well as you since it is also based on your own experience.” He wriggled his eyebrow at me. “Right?” 

I could not help but burst out laughing. “I don’t help but for you… fine… only this once,” I said before earning a smile from him. 

He jumped up from his chair and wrapped me in his arms, hugging me as tight as he could. “Thank you, thank you, thank you! Let’s head into the recording room now!” He wrapped his fingers around my wrist as he pulled away, dragging me along with him through another door that lead into another small room. 

There was a microphone and a pair of earphones in the center of the room, and in front was the glass door that showed the room we were in. He carefully placed the earphones over my ears and lowered the microphone just so I could reach it. 

“Heh, you’re short,” he commented with another smile before exiting the room, avoiding my stare. He quickly slipped onto the chair that he had sat and spoke into another microphone just in front of him. “Mic test. Are you ready, Baek Miyeon?” He spoke in a low voice that made me giggle. 

“Whenever you’re ready,” I replied just as the sweet melody that I had remembered exactly from a few hours ago entered into my ears. I closed my eyes and parted my lips open as the words flowed out of my mouth fluidly, and I finally sang. 

-

The song ended quickly and before I knew it, I heard applause coming from the other side of the room. “Bravo, Miyeon!” Jisung started clapping quickly with a smile plastered on his face. “Your voice is a gift itself!” 

“Are you sure I don’t need a retake?” I asked the beaming boy that started coming into the room to envelop me into another hug, crushing me. I gasped for air and he immediately released his grip on me. 

“A retake? I suddenly don’t remember this word after hearing your voice,” Jisung replied. I rolled my eyes and smiled at him too. Looking at him closer made my heart beat faster and faster than I realized. I was staring into his eyes, and his smile. He was just too perfect, but he was in love with someone else. I quickly diverted my gaze from him and took a step back. 

“I… I’m flattered,” I stammered. “Thanks… for giving me your support.” 

“And thank you for agreeing to sing with me,” he answered, still keeping the smile on his face. “Your voice… you shouldn’t keep it from everyone.” 

“I can say the same about this song,” I replied before smiling softly as well. “Thanks for allowing me to help you with the song…” I drifted off as I felt my phone vibrating in my pocket. I glanced at Jisung who realized the situation, remaining silent. “Hello?” I placed my phone onto my ear. 

“Noon…Noona? Where are… you?” A drowsy voice greeted me from the other end. “Are… are you not back yet?” 

Oh no! I mentally scolded myself. “H-hey Jaemyeon, noona will be home soon! Go back to sleep, okay?” I tried to keep my facial expression blank but hearing my little brother’s voice made me concerned. I quickly ended the call and shoved my phone into my pocket once again. “I’m sorry, Jisung,” I apologized. “I have to go now, I forgot I-I left Jaemyeon alone at home. How long have I been here?” 

Jisung glanced at his phone. “Three hours,” he said as I started to walk out of the room we were in to the practice studio where my bag was, with him tailing behind me. “I-I can accompany you home.” 

“Jisung, you’re too kind already,” I turned around to face him, not realizing how close we were standing next to one another now, so I took a step back. “But you have been awake since… maybe 5am and I don’t know how you’re still functioning but please, go back to your dorm instead and rest instead of accompanying me or staying up late again to record it.” I placed my hands onto his shoulder and gave him another smile. “Han Jisung, you’re one of the most hard working person I know and I would hate to see you tired and not resting at all.” 

He kept quiet as soon as I finished what I wanted to say. He tried to read my expression but soon retired. “Fine,” he sighed with a pout. “I… I’ll go back home to rest… just for you.” 

I smiled before wrapping my arms around his neck to pull him into another hug. I had to tiptoe to reach his neck. “Thank you,” I whispered. “And I’m still sweaty.” 

He chuckled. “It’s fine by me. Thanks for spending another midnight with me.” 

“It’s always my pleasure,” I replied before walking to the door, turning around to look back at Jisung who was still standing there. “I shall see you again.”

-

How time flew fast. It was finally the last day before the dance competition, and being the stubborn person I was, I decided to stay back in the practice studio after the promised hours set by Minho and I. This time, Jaemyeon was staying with Minho and his members for a while so I did not have to worry about anything as I continued to practice and rehearse. It was already 11:45pm when I rehearsed the dance moves for the tenth time. It was frustrating; to dance to the same song over and over again but it was annoying to constantly get it wrong when your partner is not present. 

“God! Why do I always need Minho here to get this move correct?” I groaned, sitting on the floor now. I wanted to give up but I knew it was never an opinion. 

“Why would you need Minho? Minho’s mine, you know,” the same familiar voice that I could recognize from far away asked. I shifted my body so I was facing Jisung. This time, he was wearing a red flannel over his plain white shirt with a pair of black jeans. His blond hair was parted in the middle. 

“To dance?” I rolled my eyes, brushing my hair to the back of my head as I groaned again. “I don’t even know why my arm is in a weird angle whenever I try to practice alone.” I pouted and covered my face in my hair in frustration. I could feel his footsteps coming closer to me but I refused to move. They died as soon as he stopped right in front of me and crouched down so he could see me eye to eye. 

“Hey,” he released the grip of my hands to my hair and pushed my chin up so I was looking at him. “You know, I can help you if you want.” 

“It’s not that easy,” I replied with a pout. “Well, I wished it was that easy…” 

“Hey! If you helping me with the recording was considered hard, then dancing with you will be a lot more easier!” Jisung argued. 

“How is it easier? There’s too many moves… and you can’t even remember them at all,” I pouted. 

“Ah… I see you have forgot that I am Han Jisung, the best friend of Lee Minho. Do you think he doesn’t practice in the dorms without you? Well, he does. He uses me as you and explained the dance to me so I would move as ‘fluid’ as you would,” he groaned as he remembered what he had done. “And not to forget, all the times I’ve watched the two of you dance. I think it’ll be easy!” 

“Well, why didn’t you say so?” I asked him, now beaming. He chuckled and pulled me up from the ground. “Let’s get dancing now shall we?” And it did help. 

Dancing with Jisung for only one time immediately made me realized my mistake compared to the multiple times I had tried alone. And it did surprise me, how good he was at dancing and at knowing the steps to the entire routine just from our one dance. 

“Keep your arm straight, Miyeon!” He called out at the mistake that I had repeatedly messed up. “Yes!” He shouted in delight when I finally understood what he meant. “You’re a natural!” 

“I am a dancer just in case you forgot,” I reminded him with a chuckle as our legs moved in synchronization. Our feet tapped across the polished floor above the music that played softly from the speakers. 

“And I’m Minho’s dance partner when you’re not here,” he joked as we continued the routine. I rolled my eyes as I focused on our routine. “And here comes the hard part, do you think you can do it?” I twisted my face so I could see him as I remembered the routine we were going to do soon. “It is hard and you need a lot of strength for it-“ 

Jisung smirked. “I am Han Jisung! What can I not-“ And he could not do it. As I jumped high up into the air, he was supposed to catch me but instead, his arms missed my entire body flying right to him and I knocked him straight onto the ground. I fell on top of him with a groan, my arms pressed against the floor to decrease the impact the both of us were going to experience. 

“Jisung!” I groaned, trying to roll away from the boy but it was impossible since pain was spiking up from my arms. “You said you could do it!” 

“Well I thought I could but you should’ve given me a word of war- whoa,” he cut himself abruptly. 

“What is it?” I asked, looking at him now, only realizing how close our faces were. I held my breath immediately as I tried to move away but it was impossible to since the pain started to numb my arms, preventing me from moving around. “I… I can’t move… I’m sorry.” 

“Has anyone ever told you how your eyes were so pretty that they sparkle?” Jisung asked out of nowhere. 

“W-what?” I looked at him again, just to divert my attention from his. “Why are you even ranting about? Can you just push me off you-“ In a heartbeat, I was rolled away from Jisung. I wanted to say my thanks for his help when he suddenly rolled on top of me, cutting the words that I wanted to say from my lips. My eyes widen as I glanced at him. “W-what are you doing now?” I asked him quietly. “This is not funny, Han Jisung. Have you not heard of personal space?” 

“Let me tell you something, should I?” He ignored my question and my request. “It’s so funny that no matter how much I stared at you, I keep thinking of how you would doubt yourself. Have you seen your face before? It’s beautiful.” 

“And since my face is so close to you, can you not see all the scars and pores on my face?” I asked. 

“And that is what made me realized that you are so much more beautiful,” he concluded. 

“Why are you even talking about this?” I asked, finally looking into his eyes. My voice had long disappeared into a thin whisper. “Jisung, don’t scare me.” 

“I actually knew you before I came into the café,” he suddenly confessed, using the same tone I was talking in. “Minho has been talking about you for such a long time that I could not help but see you for myself. I know he wouldn’t like it but my temptations were too hard to resist. When Minho went to meet you, I could not help but follow him and that was when I first recognized you as the girl that was from my school. I didn’t know you were the girl that Minho talks all day about because I have never seen you. But as the time goes by, I started to notice you and relate you through the stories Minho had long told me… Remember that day when someone handing you an umbrella when you were heading home from school and it started raining? That was me. I couldn’t stand watching you there planning to run under the rain and get sick.” 

My mind travelled back to the time that he had especially mentioned. It was the memory that I was the most fond over. It was the last day of school, the last Friday when it started to rain harshly. I stared at the rain dully and turned to my bag, trying to find the umbrella that I had kept all the time in. However, instead of finding the umbrella, I found nothing in the solid five minutes. I glanced at my phone and frowned. I was going to be late to fetch my brother if I waited for the rain to stop. I glanced around and found students streaming out of the school one by one, some holding umbrellas, others wearing raincoats… there were even some that were running in the rain, all except for me, rushing out of the school altogether. I sighed and shoved my hoodie above my head, preparing to run in the rain to fetch my little brother. My legs started to take off but I was stopped when a hand grabbed my wrist, forcing me to stop. 

“W-what?” I turned around to find another student in front of me. His pink hoodie and black mask covered his face. 

“Here,” he replied in a low voice, handing me a transparent umbrella. “Don’t get cold.” With that, after he left the umbrella in my hands, he ran off into the rain and disappeared through the thick rain and fog. 

“T-that was you?” I stammered. “You never gave me a chance to thank you…” 

“You didn’t need to because seeing you already made me thankful enough,” he replied softly, giving me a slight smile. “And I could not forget the day where everything went downhill… the day before Christmas last year…” 

At the reminder of the day, my face started to harden. That day was the hardest for me through the year. I only remembered crying and crying over and over because of that day. I had so many negative thoughts going on in my mind. However, the only thing that kept me going was the soup Minho had sent me… 

“It was you,” I whispered, realizing everything now. “You were the one who made the soup… not Minho.” Jisung gave me a weak smile as he nodded. 

“Bingo,” he whispered. “You were without a mother’s embrace and was I going to allow you to suffer through? I stopped seeing you in school after a few days and Minho finally told me what had happened. He didn’t want you to see me yet but he knew I wanted to help so he gave me your address to deliver the soup.” 

A tear accidentally slipped from the corner of my eyes as I started to recall everything that had happened the past year. “Then… why have you decided to tell me all these? Why did you keep them from me before?” 

He gave me another weak smile. “Because I was afraid… the all-mighty Han Jisung was afraid… afraid that I would never have you to myself when Minho’s the only one who was there throughout your life. Who was I to suddenly enter into your life and take you all to myself?” He whipped the tear away from my face. “The reason why I have finally told you after so long is because Minho decided to finally introduce you to me and since we were so closed to one another just now… or now, I thought I should take this chance to tell you instead of waiting until the opportunity is gone.” 

“Jisung…” I started. 

“Oh, god. You must hate me now for suddenly confessing my feelings,” he said, diverting his attention from me and pulled away from me. “I- I’m sorry.” 

“Jisung…” I said again, trying to call him but he refused to look at me. “Look-“ 

“I’m an idiot right?” He asked abruptly, looking at me. 

“No! When are you ever an idiot?” I stated. “Other than right now where you are saying you’re an idiot, Han Jisung, you are the smartest person I ever know… and… to be very honest, my heart beats too fast when I’m around you. It’s not as if you have some superpowers or anything but you’re just… you.” Unknowingly a tear started to fall from my face as my voice continued to break. “But you… you just can’t be with me. You’re in love with someone else.” “I-in love w-with someone else?” 

Jisung’s eyes widen. “The only person I had ever had my eyes on were-“ 

“Save it,” I whispered. “Nothing matters now.” With that, I pushed him away from me, quickly grabbing my bag and headed out of the company. Oh God, so much for breaking down right before a competition. 

-

“Are you ready?” Minho stood next to me as he rubbed his hands in between one of mine, creating friction that warmed my hand up. 

“If you count ready as in not sleeping at all, yeah!” I covered my mouth with my palm to conceal my yawn. Minho rolled his eyes and flicked my forehead. 

“That’s because you spent the entire night thinking about Jisung,” he replied quietly. 

“Yah!” I slapped his wrist and sighed. Well, yes, I did tell my best friend everything about what had happened the night before because it was comforting. “Why did you not even tell me about Jisung at all? Why does he even look out to me?” I pouted and quickly turned my attention away from my best friend, trying to look crossed.

I realized he wanted to say something to me but instead; he closed his lips and said nothing. It was silence for the next couple of minutes as we waited for our turn to get on stage. Minho held my hand in his quietly, fiddling and playing as the two of us continued to sit in the waiting room with many other dancers, all either rehearsing their routines again or praying over and over again, started streaming out of the room one by one. 

“Lee Minho and Baek Miyeon?” A producer entered the room, holding a clipboard as she read the name out. The both of us stood up immediately, with Minho still holding onto my hand. “You’re up next,” she said as she retreated out of the room, with the both of us following her closely. She brought us down the corridor into another room that only had a curtain and a couple of stairs. “Wait here until I signal you to go to the stage,” the producer said as she stopped in front of the stairs. I closed my eyes. My hands gripped onto Minho’s tighter. 

“It’s finally here,” I whispered. 

“Yes it is,” he replied. “But don’t worry. I’m here for you, so you don’t have to get scared. You got this.” 

“Lee Minho? Baek Miyeon? You’re up now!” The producer broke our short conversation and motioned us up the stairs and through the curtains. 

We quickly went up the stairs onto an empty plain stage up in the dark. I could hear the soft murmurs in the crowd. I looked around quietly as I stood in my position. I felt a cold small metal object on my palm. “Take it,” Minho said before I wrapped my hand onto the object. I opened my palm and found a ring, hanging on a long and thin metal chain. I realized what it was: the ring that Jisung had given me in the café. I felt my heart beating quickly as I looked at the small metal ring before I decided to quickly wear it around my neck as the stage lighted dimly. As the light shone gently, my eyes could not help but fall on the boy that sat right in front of me. His familiar face forced me to freeze up. “He’s here for you too,” I could hear Minho’s whisper in my ears as he drifted off, walking to his position. 

My face reddened a little as I looked up into his face beneath the black cap he had on. The cap… it was the one that he had wore when he first talked to me. I stared at him for a couple of seconds as he maintained the eye contact with me. 

“Good luck,” I could see the words formed on his lips as the lights dimmed down again and the spotlight appeared in the center of the stage. I could not help but smile at the small word of encouragement even though I knew it was going to hurt eventually and with that cheering me on, the music played and I got into my character, slowly dancing into chemistry with Minho by my side. I was not afraid or nervous anymore because I knew, he was there by my side, watching me like a guardian angel. 

The song went on and I was so shocked at myself for being a lot more focus than last night. My mind played the parts where Jisung had helped me in and executed the dance moves perfectly and it was not long until the performance ended. It was quiet for a couple of moments before the entire audience ended in applause. I took a deep breath and looked at Minho, embracing him into a hug. 

“We did it!” He smiled as he ruffled my hair. I broke the embrace and looked over my shoulders to find Jisung standing at his seat, smiling as he continued clapping along the audience. I could feel the heat rising up my cheeks so I diverted my attention away to Minho who pulled me to the end of the stage as more performers filled the stage. And that was when I realized; we were actually the last to perform. 

As everyone was arranging themselves onto the stage, I stared at the small ring hanging above my collarbone and touched it gently. “Where did you find this?” I asked quietly at the older boy standing next to me. “It’s in my house and you have never stepped into my house at all these few weeks.” 

“I know,” he replied. “It wasn’t hard for Jaemyeon to find it since you left it on your vanity table, exposed to so… so many dangers!” 

I rolled my eyes and nudged him. “How did you know about this then? And why did you give me this?” 

“Because Jisung asked me to? I knew where you would put if I were you and asking Jaemyeon for help was as easy as getting Changbin to do aegyo,” he explained. 

“But I don’t get it,” I frowned slightly. “Why… did he ask you to do it? He likes someone else, that someone else is suppose to be the one to get this ring instead… of me.” 

“You’re an idiot, Baek Miyeon,” he whispered, leaning his head on my shoulders. “Tell me, do you like him?” 

“Why is this topic suddenly about me now?” I asked, refusing to have eye contact with him. My eyes searched for Jisung instead in the crowd. “He doesn’t even like me.” To that, Minho rolled his eyes. 

“Ladies and gentlemen,” the speakers blared out, cutting short of Minho and I’s conversation. “The judges have finally made their decisions after a couple of minutes discussing and we finally have a winner!” I could feel everyone’s breath was held and as for mine, my heartbeat started to increase. “We would like to welcome to the middle of the stage our fifth annual Korea’s dance champions!” The host was saying. “Please welcome…. LEE MINHO AND BAEK MIYEON!” At the cue of the announcement of the winners, a couple of poppers exploded, welcoming confetti. 

I screamed in joy as I wrapped my arms around Minho’s neck, jumping in joy as the both of us started to make our way to the middle of the stage where they presented us both with a crown each and a bouquet of flowers, along with a cheque of 5,000,000 won. 

“We did it,” I breathed as I smiled at Minho. A celebrative song was heard as everyone started talking to one another, hugging and taking pictures with one another. Even though none of them won, they were still happy. I turned around to find other dancers approaching me, talking and complimenting me as I started to talk to them as well, until I felt a tap on my shoulders that made me turn around. In front of me was the same person whom I had first ‘officially’ met at café, wearing the exact clothes as I had seen him entering the café. 

“Hey,” he smiled softly as I finally looked at him, still grinning. “Congrats… I- I knew you could do it and… I see your wearing the ring that I left you…” 

“It’s all thanks to you, you know that?” I asked, tilting my head. “And… Minho found the ring instead of me after constantly forgetting it for the longest time ever.” My face fell into a frown. “But… why did you ask him to give me the ring instead? Don’t… don’t you want to give it to someone else? Have you forgot about the person you liked?” 

“I don’t have to,” he said. “Because that person is standing right in front of me.”  

My eyes widen. “Me?” The words escaped my lips as I continue to stare at him with disbelief. “The person…. The person you… like… it’s-“ 

“It’s you. It has always been you. There was no one else that could ever replace you,” he whispered, taking a step closer to close the gap between us. “You were the crazy one to not see that I am falling hard for you that it hurts so, so much.” 

I let out a soft chuckle. “And all this time, I thought I was the one crazy in love with someone who doesn’t like me back…” I stared at him again. Looking at him really gave my heart a lot of abnormal conditions. He was the only one who managed to make my heart race crazily, the only one who made me smile despite all my troubles, the one who has always been there to help me through all my struggles and troubles without me knowing, the one who I was happy to spend midnights with… That person was Han Jisung all along. I glanced down at the ring hanging on my neck and held it between my thumb and index finger. “This ring… I think it’s time for it to be returned to its rightful owner now,” I whispered, slipping the ring off my neck and handed it to him. 

“You’re wrong. I have always loved you… and you’re still wrong about the rightful owner,” Jisung said and wrapped my hands around his. “The rightful owner of the ring is you. Because you have taken a part of me when I first saw you and I would so desperately want to call you mine… if… if you want.” 

“Han Jisung… was there ever a time where I stopped thinking about you?” I asked. “You are the source of my happiness. You brighten up my day immediately especially during midnights when I’m struggling. Is it crazy to say yes because I am so in love with you and I want to know you so much more?” 

“Is it crazy to say no to your craziness, because I also can’t stop thinking about you and would be so grateful for you to say yes?” Jisung asked me back and I laughed. 

“Han Jisung, I’m all yours… all yours from the first time we met,” I whispered before wrapping my arms around him, bringing him into my embrace. 

“Oh god… I’m so relieved,” he sighed as he wrapped me tighter in his arms. “And is it crazy if I say I want to kiss you that badly?” 

I smirked. “No,” I replied before quickly pressing my lips to his soft ones and that was the only moment I needed to feel whole again. He was the one who I had always wanted and I finally had him. 

“Thank god you finally know who Han Jisung likes now,” Minho interrupted us as we moved apart from one another. I glanced at Minho and found the rest of the boys with him. Some jumping in joy, some closing their eyes and some smirking. 

“That’s great and all. Miyeon, congrats and as for you, Han Jisung, you’re in trouble for not telling me about you liking Miyeon,” another boy commented and I recognized him for his very pale blond hair as Bang Chan. 

“And maybe it’s time for you to realized that everyone except for you knows about Jisung’s little crush… or as I would like to put it, MAJOR crush,” the boy next to Bang Chan replied before earning a couple of laughter from the other boys. 

“Wait… all of you… know about this already?” Bang Chan’s eyes widen as he stared at his band mates again and groaned. “Fine! I am outdated! But as for you, Han Jisung, YOU’RE GROUNDED!” 

“Is he always like this?” I asked Jisung before earning a nod from the boy. 

“Yes,” he chuckled before pressing another kiss onto my lips. “Now let’s get out of here before they realized we’re gone by the time their bickering end.” 

 “You don’t have to tell me twice again… Han,” I chuckled as he pulled me away from everything else so that only the two of us were finally alone.

A/N: Hello guys! This is my first ever story on Tumblr and I hope all of you enjoyed it! I am new to posting on Tumblr so if you have any tips or tricks to posting stories, please do tell me because I spent almost an hour trying to put a space every paragraph so yeah. Anyways, I hope all of you have a great day ahead of you and stay safe! <3

-Xin

[hoshigomi]

THUNDERBOLT FANTASY/AMAZING STAR☆KILLER ROUGE - Hoshigumi, 2018

Disclaimer: I can’t call this a review. I don’t really speak Japanese, and what I understand is sort of limited, so I don’t think it’s fair for me to put my thoughts and opinions out as a REVIEW. I absolutely did not grasp the entirety of this show and will not pretend I did.  I’m just someone who really loves Takarazuka, knows some Japanese, loves Hoshigumi more than air, is enthralled with Thunderbolt Fantasy as a show in and of itself, and was privileged enough to see this production four times. Here is a (very long) collection of thoughts!

THUNDERBOLT FANTASY~

This entire experience was a blast from start to finish.  When Thunderbolt Fantasy was announced as Hoshigumi’s tour show, I think a lot of us were rightfully CAUTIOUSLY CURIOUS about the entire situation, especially after we looked up the source material and found a PUPPET SHOW. I remember watching the first episode with a friend, having only the tentative top/nibante/top musumeyaku casting and thinking “wow that’s uh ambitious and confusing but I kind of love it.”  Well, reader, I can personally confirm that in the end, I more than kind of loved it.  I’m currently nine episodes into the TV series and what I can say is the Takarazuka production MOSTLY follows it so far, up until about episode seven, where they start making some sacrifices in order to fit a 13 episode TV show into an hour and some change stage production. Names are a bit confusing, and even the Takarazuka main website put up a glossary of terms, so you know you’re getting into Something before you even start. 

The BASIC, BASIC, BARE BONES PLOT is as follows (I am using the JAPANESE CHARACTER names for consistency):  

THE PLOT: 

Tan Hi (Kisaki Airi) and her brother, Tan Ko (Toudou Jun) are part of a clan that is tasked with protecting a sacred sword. Obviously, A Group Of Bad Guys™ led by Betsu Ten Gai (Tenju Mitsuki) followed by Ryo Mi (Arisa Hitomi), Cho Mei (Amahana Ema), and Zan Kyo (Ooki Makoto) ALSO want the sacred sword. Tan Hi and Tan Ko are ambushed and attacked by Zan Kyo, and Tan Ko (Airi’s character’s brother) is killed. Tan Hi escapes with the hilt of the sacred sword (hereafter: TENGYOKEN), but is in pretty bad shape. 

Meanwhile in the woods, Shou Fu Kan (Nanami Hiroki), a wandering swordsman, is trying to escape the rain and does so by taking an umbrella from over a Buddha Statue. Enter Lin Setsu A (Kurenai Yuzuru), a VERY CANONICALLY MYSTERIOUS AND VAGUE guy who immediately starts giving Shou Fu Kan grief for taking the Buddha’s umbrella, to which Shou Fu Kan replies, “If the stone Buddha gets wet, it will be fine, but if I get wet, I will catch a cold.” Touche, cute swordsman. Enter Tan Hi, still being pursued by Zan Kyo. Tan Hi is in very bad shape, and Shou Fu Kan fights Zan Kyo, Zan Kyo severs his own head.  After, in the land of evil, Betsu Ten Gai receives Zan Kyo’s severed head (really) and accesses his memory, the last of which is Shou Fu Kan giving his name immediately before Zan Kyo is beheaded. Betsu Ten Gai now is targeting Shou Fu Kan who obviously has something to do with the Tengyoken. Betsu Ten Gai sends his lackeys after Shou Fu Kan and co. 

I won’t go any more into the plot (and unfortunately Wikipedia can’t really help you), but if you’re interested I really recommend you watch the TV show, because it is INTERESTING. From there, Ken San Un (Rei Makoto) enters and joins the party because he is a classic cocky charming young boy protagonist who wants to make a name for himself, along with Lin Setsu A’s old “friends”, Shu Un Sho (an archer, played by Kizaki Reo), Kei Gai (a NECROMANCER played by Yumeki Anru), and Setsu Mu Sho, (a LITERAL SERIAL KILLER who wants Lin Setsu A DEAD, played by Mao Yuuki.) Every one of these characters has a complicated and not overtly stated motive, and NONE of them agree on any tactics which is further complicated by the fact that half of them aren’t even human and Demon Motives Are Different. The one thing they have in common is that they all want the Tengyoken out of Betsu Ten Gai’s hands. 

THE PLAY ITSELF:  This was an anime stage play. If you like anime stage plays, you will LOVE Thunderbolt Fantasy. If you have ever loved a video game, an anime, a fantasy story, or THOUGHT you might love a video game, anime, or fantasy story, this play is going to be FUN for you. I felt like I was INSIDE a game in the Final Fantasy series. The technical aspects of the show BLEW ME AWAY. The coolest lighting effects I have seen in my life are in this play. The set is effective at getting across where we are, and projections are used to pretty cool effect this time around, in my opinion. There are LITERALLY only three and a half sung songs in this entire musical, one being the title song sung by the main players, one being another T.M. Revolution song sung by Kurenai Yuzuru to introduce the rest of the characters, one beautiful sweet little half song sung by Kisaki Airi, and one being just something they gave Rei Makoto at the start of the show because she’s technically Hoshigumi’s nibante but you wouldn’t know it just from watching this show.  Which brings us to the cast!

THE CAST: PERFECT and weird. Kurenai Yuzuru as Lin Setsu A was honestly genius. I saw this production with a friend who knows only a little about Takarazuka, knows Beni tangentially, has seen one episode of Thunderbolt Fantasy and she said “that role was made for Beni.” He is sly and manipulative and FUNNY and his motives are ENTIRELY unknown. Beni sings what she sings fantastically, and it’s VERY good to see her slinking around the stage with a sly fox smile all the time.  Nanami Hiroki as Shou Fu Kan. I wouldn’t normally list her second, but in this case, she was the nibante role. I have NO idea why this didn’t go to Rei Makoto, except maybe because Kai can play a disgruntled but good natured adult man better than she can play a like spunky sixteen year old boy. Shou Fu Kan is the protagonist of Thunderbolt and they did NOT change that even ONE BIT for this play. The story directly relied on her action and without spoiling anything, the coolest stage magic and ridiculously anime moment I have ever seen in my life involved her center stage in the final battle, Making It Happen. She has pretty much The Last Moment in the show. She has one-liners and dry humor and handles stage combat INCREDIBLY. Shou Fu Kan is just a morally good guy who doesn’t want trouble and does want to Do The Right Thing. This role was AMAZING for her (I am biased.), and I can’t wait to see how the tour audiences take it. 

Kisaki Airi as Tan Hi. This is my favorite role I have ever seen Airi in. She was the best at stage combat in the entire troupe, and she acted her pants off. Her character goes through a lot of unecessary bullshit and suffering and she remains wholly likeable through it all. Her motivations are clear and her relationships with the other characters are believable and specific. She also has some really lovely comic bits.

Rei Makoto as Ken San Un. Coto was playing a spunky kid and honestly Coto was born to play spunky kids (but what wasn’t Coto born to play?) Ken San Un has an ego that IS backed up by skill, and he really just wants to Make A Name For Himself, Impress A Girl, and do the right thing. Her voice is as usual, killer, and her character is INSANELY charming, especially when interacting with Tan Hi. There’s a lot of complexity in this role too, and Coto handles it fantastically. They padded this role out a lot, which worked well and didn’t seem forced whatsoever, but even so, it was a solidly supporting role. Hopefully Coto got some well deserved rest in the process.

The rest of the roles were similarly well-cast. Hoshigumi’s focus on ensemble casts like they did here and with Another World REALLY do them all some favors. Tenju Mitsuki made short but crucial appearances as the MAIN VILLAN and got to show off the unhinged wildness that made her Mercutio so fantastic. Amahana Ema and Arisa Hitomi were good henchmen, Arisa Hitomi has a cool little fight and a costume with neat slits that make her movement interesting. The characters could have dealt with more development, but they’re also fairly one-dimensional in the show. Mao Yuuki as a serial killer was hard to buy, but she did what she could with a role that in the TV show is like stoic and, well, literally a puppet. Yumeki Anru kind of absolutely SLAYED being a hot demon with a whip, her interactions with fellow demonic entity Beni were true to the show, and she sings fantastically. Kizaki Reo is actually insanely handsome as the really gruff archer with (surprise) also dubious morals. Her voice also SHOCKED me in all the right ways. Other characters were played by everyone else, and the smaller cast meant that a lot of the kids got little moments in prolonged exposition scenes as storytellers or townspeople or evil henchmen. This troupe is in good hands with the younger ones, I think. Shoutout to EVERY ONE OF THE MAIN CAST (and Ruri Hanaka and Sumika Amane, playing TINY roles) for balancing weird puppet-inspired physicality and quirks from the show with like, actual human acting and movement.

AMAZING STAR ☆ KILLER ROUGE~

More of us have seen Killer Rouge, so this doesn’t need as much from me.  This production, as a tour, has gone through some changes. Notably, the postman number sung by Seo Yuriya/Honoka Kozakura/Seira Hitomi was cut (and literally none of those three were in this because of Bow Hall/injury (get well, Honoka ♥️ ). Solos sung by Toa Reiya/Hanagata Hikaru/Seo Yuriya were mostly distributed to Amahana Ema/Tenju Mitsuki/Kizaki Reo/Amato Kanon etc. The Nippon Seinenkan stage doesn’t make ANY sense for this revue, which originally made pretty nice use of stairs/the ginkyou/the SPACE they had in Mura and Tokyo.  Mask of Rouge got ANOTHER wig option and Nanami Hiroki seems to just be rotating through them entirely at her own chaotic will, which creates a really high stakes Russian Roulette Situation in terms of how Hot Mask Of Rouge Will Be.  The Rose of Versailes/Disgaea/Wonder Rouge section of the revue was SOLIDLY the most charming thing I have ever seen in my life.  Mao Yuuki has joined the Wonder Five audience participation bit in place of Seo Yuriya and Tenju Mitsuki is up there in place of Hanagata Hikaru. This troupe can ad lib like NO ONE’S BUSINESS or more accurately, Beni and Airi can ad lib like no one’s business, Coto occasionally has some bursts of inspiration, and Kai can’t begin to keep a straight face when put on the spot.  There are a lot of new numbers, and all of them are in my opinion, really Good. There’s also a LENGTHY Beniko/Aiko/Reiko ad lib section always beginning with some discussion about studying Chinese and always giving away the fact that Coto and Airi are working harder at that than Beni seems to be.  That said, Beni does have a REALLY BEAUTIFUL AND SIMPLE AND CLASSIC solo kuroenbi situation that is in Chinese and to my (English speaking ears) it sounds really good. We’ll see I guess.  Coto/Airi/Ema have a HEAVY METAL ROCK NUMBER that’s kind of hot and totally in all their powerhouse ranges.  The pegasus/everyone in multicolored outfits is really satisfying to me and would be to any other Hoshigumi fan despite the fact that I don’t love Toa Reiya’s taidan solo going to someone else (which I admit is just maybe because I loved Toa Reiya.)  There’s a cute little number (Timing) with Airi, Minato Rihi, and Yuunagi Ryou. Yuunagi Ryou is CUTE. The number is cute. The kickline was a little different and also involved some girls who weren’t in it originally because it’s not just the whole 104th class anymore and they needed to make up for THAT in a fierce way. Shoutout to all the girls who jumped in and killed it. ♥️ Ruri Hanaka specifically caught my eye and also had a nice solo in the whole costume party number.  Jounetsu no Arashi was replaced for whatever reason but the number thats in it’s place now is equally as hot and like involves some counting in Spanish and a lot of rowdy otokoyaku energy which is my single greatest weakness. 

For me, as a Hoshigumi fan until the day I die probably, Killer Rouge was incredible. So many people got little chances to shine, and the fun the actresses were having with it was PALPABLE. I loved the vast majority of the costumes and set pieces and little themed moments, and I loved the new numbers, and I did not miss the numbers that were cut (save for Jounetsu no Arashi because Coto licking her lips was pretty good.) I got to see the people I love most doing a revue that was so joyful and energetic and group-focused. I could not have asked for more. 

I’d give Thunderbolt Fantasy/Killer Rouge a 100/10, which will surprise no one who has ever met me. 

Thanks Hoshigumi, and good luck in Taiwan!

[anneesfolleshq]

Bonjour et bienvenue! Paris welcomes you, our Diva, Anais Veilleux! May we say, you’re the spitting image of Annabelle Wallis! Please make your presence known within 24 hours, and do have a look at our checklist before setting out into the city on your own.                                                                               À bientôt!

MUN

Name/Alias: Jos

Preferred Pronouns: She/her

Age: 22

Where are you located, and at what times will you be online? : PST, I will be on mostly in the evenings and into the night because I love to lose precious sleep to rping.

MUSE

Chosen Skeleton: The Diva

Muse Name: Anais Veilleux

Muse Age: 35

Chosen FC: Annabelle Wallis 

Muse Occupation: Opera Singer

Muse Affiliation & Frequent Haunts: Anais has always loved the Seine. She could remember learning about the history of her great nation, of its early settlements, its origins, its fight for power, for land, for triumph. She remembered reading about the devastations its withstood, the wars, the famines, the politics, the bloodshed. And through it all, through everything France had seen, the mighty Seine ran, smooth, powerful, cold, and beautiful through history. And now it was being reduced to the border between in and out, fortunate, and fashionably lower class. She refused to dance to such frivolous ideas. Anais frequented Montmartre by day for she woke up there each morning in the Hotel Montmartre, and sat in the pews of Basilique du Sacre-Coeur hands clasped around a gold rosary like a good little Catholic girl praying for forgiveness. With its old world charm, and hidden gems, who wouldn’t be drawn to both the quiet streets, and lavish establishments? By day, Montmartre captivates her, but by night Anais is drawn across the sparkling surface reflecting the light of a living, breathing city to the left bank, to Montparnasse. It’s here, with the artists, and drunks, and young vivacious, progressive crowd that Anais feels young, feels alive. The Cafe E’toile is magnetic, and the slow rolling, and swinging rhythm of its jazz pulls her in time and again. Perhaps one day she’ll pull together the courage to take the stage.

Direct from Le Petit Journal: Breathtaking. Divine. Tragic. Audiences were left stunned by Anais Veilleux’ performance last night following her recent return to the Parisian spotlight. The city was left stunned after the death of young Claudine Artis, mourning the loss of such wonderful talent and the gentle soul that graced the stage. With such heaviness in our hearts, the opera seemed a place that would grow cold in the lack of such warmth, but Mademoiselle Veilleux enchanted each and every lady and gentleman in attendance with her heart wrenching tribute to the late Claudine. We have watched her beautiful face capture true emotion with elegance as she all but glides across the stage. Anais Veilleux reminded us once more that the theater is her throne, and we are but mere subjects, blessed enough to hear her voice. Welcome back, Mademoiselle, welcome back.

BIOGRAPHY

They say a true star is born not made, and anyone who has had the privilege of hearing her voice would assert that a star was certainly born on a cold night in early November 1887. The nursery had been empty for quite some time before Anais’ cries filled the Veilleux home. Gold rattlers, ivory mobiles, the finest materials to warm her plump thighs, and golden head– the youngest child and only daughter was given everything she wanted and more from the moment she entered the world. Her older brothers pampered her, her father spoiled her, and her mother coddled her, reminding Anais from an infant of her beauty and worth.

She remembers it vividly; the lights, the vibrant colors, the costumes, the men and women, larger than life. She remembers how their jaws seemed to come unhinged, mouths agape as the most beautiful sound poured forth reaching every inch of the cavernous theater. Anais sat in her blue satin gown, her legs dangling from her seat as she sat on it’s edge, rapt, wide eyes, and in awe of those who commanded the gilded stage. It was from that moment forward that Anais decided no other life would suit her, no other path was open to possibility, and the young girl, who had fallen hopelessly in love with the stage, opened her mouth to sing. Her parents, long time benefactors of the arts encouraged her every step of the way, hiring pianists to teach their daughter, hosting private ballet sessions. But still, money could only buy so much, and the dedication and persistence came from her heart and the young girl’s need to perform. She excelled, and her parents, proud of their talented young daughter, showcased her to their closest friends at a dinner party. All anyone expected to follow was a round of applause before sending her off to bed but what followed the eight year old’s performance was dead silence as everyone stared at her. Anais, red in the face, and afraid she had disappointed everyone, stared back. Her father was the first to stand, clapping, before the rest of the guests joined in. They all surged forward with praise, enveloping the girl in a circle of questions and invitations. Soon Anais found herself with a number of offers to perform at dinner parties among the circuit of her parents’ peers, and she happily obliged. Her passion had found a place in her tier of society, and school by day gave way to performing by night.  A sheltered life in high society Paris might lead one to believe that innocence prevailed in the young eyes of those who sat quietly and watched adult’s socialize, but in fact it was quite the opposite. Anais though she was never a quiet girl, knew when to talk and when to listen, and was introduced the game in which they all were players at a young age. Politics, business, fashion, popularity. It was an intricate web of words, and actions, and her introduction to the nightly galas and gatherings led to an early understanding of the world in which she lived. The symptoms of fortune are unforgiving, and if not treated, can become fatal.

It continued for years, and it didn’t take long for buzz to gather, for the city of Paris to become privy to the young talent entertaining the rich and powerful. She was gaining popularity, and offers to perform on theater stages began to find themselves in her possession. Her mother, who had always considered her daughter’s talent a hobby and an asset in finding a husband, forbade her to continue, to take the stage, but Anais had long ago known she would not marry, would not tie herself to the role of a wife, and mother. She would dazzle, enchant, get lost in the music as she did each and every time before coming to to an appreciative audience. She beat her mother with the help of her father, hiring a voice coach, and taking offers to perform. But her mother put her foot down when Anais turned sixteen, forbidding any further dalliance as a showgirl. Her father could no longer stand behind his daughter, and without believing she would throw her fortunate life away, threatened to cut off her allowance if she continued. To Anais there was never too high a price to pay, and the girl took the punishment with swift acceptance.

Her relationship with her mother deteriorated as quickly as her fame grew, and by the time the young woman reached adulthood, she had wealth of her own volition. She traveled to America, England, Germany, Italy, Austria. She performed with renowned artists as she became one herself, beauty, grace, and talent. And when the war came, she continued to sing to keep morale high. She bought out all seats to host free concerts for wounded soldiers,  and sang at the funeral of her brother when his Battalion was lost to the Germans. It was only after the war, when the country began to rebuild itself into a fresh new world that she began to see the world she held so dear slip from her grasp. Youth was like sand between one’s fingers, and her loss of it’s vitality was personified in the wonder of Claudine Arits, the girl who went from rags to riches as she took Paris, and France as a whole by storm.

She had gone over with the intention of intimidating the small, pretty thing, but the letter opener was lying there, shiney and impossibly sharp in the girl’s new, white apartment. Cold and metallic in her grasp, it contrasted wonderfully with the warm blood that rushed onto her pale hands as she slit Claudine’s throat. What a pity. What a waste of talent. But there could only be one, true star, and Anais would be damned if it was anyone but her.

POTENTIAL PLOTS/CONNECTIONS

So I have a few plots I’d like to have going, and one of them revolves around the murder of young Claudine Artis. Anais is no professional, and though she is smart, someone might just be suspicious.

Anais goes to te jazz clubs, and has an itch to perform. Perhaps someone could convince her to get up there and give it a try.

Anais fell in love with music a long time ago, and has failed to ever do so again. But that does not mean it isn’t possible.

Friends, enemies– she needs them!

EXTRAS

BASICS

Full Name: Anais Marguerite Veilleux

Nickname(s): Ana (close friends), Chaton (family)

Age: 35

Date of Birth: November 9th, 1887

Zodiac Sign: Scorpio

Place of Birth: Toulouse, France

Ethnicity: Caucasian

Nationality: French, American

Gender: Cis-female

Sexual Orientation: Heterosexual

Romantic Orientation: Heteroromantic

Religion: Roman Catholic

Occupation: Singer

Language(s) Spoken: French, English, Italian, some Chinese

Accent: Parisian

PHYSICAL APPEARANCE

Face Claim: Annabelle Wallis

Hair Color: Blonde

Eye Color: Blue

Height: 5’7”

Weight: 125lbs

Build: Slim

Tattoos: N/A

Piercings: Ears

PERSONALITY

Label: The Diva

Positive Traits: Charismatic, perceptive, resolute, gifted

Negative Traits: Calculating, envious, possessive, fiery

Fears: The ocean, spiders, being forgotten

Hobbies: reading, playing card games, painting, playing piano

Quirks: Ambidextrous, can’t stand even numbers, morning person

Likes: Coffee, art, cars, wine, chocolate, the color red

Dislikes: tradition, even numbers, spiders, hot weather, the British

FAMILY

Father: Bastien Veilleux

Mother: Lydia Veilleux nee Astor

Sibling(s): Jean-Luc, Victor, Emanuel

Pet(s): French Bulldog named Louis

Financial Status: Wealthy

[twxntrash]

Discern the Truth ch. 1

Regular Day in an Irregular Scenario

The warm air tickled Shio’s face as she slowly came to, a breeze brushed against her skin and she slowly opened her eyes to stare up at the clear blue sky above her, white clouds gently rolling by above. The day was nice, beautiful even.

Pushing herself up to sit, Shio rubbed some sleep from her eye and swiveled her head about to look at her surroundings. The dorms looking as pristine as ever, a few students talking by picnic tables and a few were walking towards the university centers building. If things were different, she would have just shaken it off as a regular day at a college as freshman. Though a problem with that was she was still in high school, so it was hardly regular.

Shio turned her head to look forward, a frown forming on her face as she stared up at the towering metal wall that left her and the others trapped on this campus.

Nothing about this day was regular, nothing about this situation was regular.

One week ago Shio had been preparing for a violin recital, something she enjoyed greatly, it was her talent after all. Six days ago she woke up on this enclosed campus with fifteen other students. Six days ago she found she was forced to participate in a killing game forced upon them by a twisted black and white bear.

Of course that caused strife among the students forced here and it was no easy task for Shio to get the others to calm down and worth together. Though she wouldn’t really call it working together for some as much as it was a tolerance and uneasy peace. Still, she wasn’t sure how it happened, but she had become the de facto leader of the group after taking charge on the first day when everyone else was in a confused and scared mess.

It wasn’t a role that Shio wanted to take, but if it meant she could prevent someone from being killed like Monokuma wanted, then she’d gladly take the reins and try to keep everyone safe.

Her classmates were… oddballs, some of them. But, Shio was sure that they could get along and be friends. It might be hard with some, but she had hope and determination on her side! She even already had a few she could consider as a friend.

Daichi Akemi in particular she thought as she spotted his messy blue hair and red neckerchief as he headed out of the door to the dining area of the university center. Unlike the others, who’s talent they knew and remembered, Daichi seemed unable to remember his which painted him with some suspicion early on. Some of the others refused to trust him simply because he couldn't tell them what his talent was, but Shio had been able to dissuade the mistrust, or at least get them to keep it to themselves. Even Shio remembered her talent with the violin. The two just gravitated naturally to each other on the first day, working to explore what parts they could together of their prison, getting to know the others, she liked to think that her and Daichi made a pretty good team.

And she wanted to help him, help him remember his talent and help him find his confidence. The guy always looked like he was about to jump out of his skin and she could only imagine that if the tension rose in their situation, it would not affect him well. He was a ball of anxiety and she wanted to help keep him grounded.

There were others of course. Yuu Kobayashi was sweet, she didn’t seem to hold any sort of ill will towards anyone and Izumi was a force of energy and cheer. Even among the guys, Hayato Himura, though he kept to himself, seemed genuine, he had no interest in participating in a game where they killed each other and Takahiko Saikawa made it clear that he wasn’t afraid to give a black eye to anyone who even tried. The others, she couldn’t say for sure, she didn’t want to distrust her friends, but she couldn’t say she knew what went on in their heads.

But she knew that they could work together. It might be hard, it’d take some work, but Shio was confident that they could work together and put a stop to this horrible game they had been put in.

She’d even begun to notice that some had even began moving towards each other, developing little pairs and groups of their own, and that pleased her. She rarely saw Takahiko and Yuu separate, for example, and she often saw Aito lingering near them like he wanted to join but wanted to keep a distance at the same time. Even Hikaru and Kasumi tended to stick near one another, and of course there was herself and Daichi. It was nice to see the others were making their own friendships and teams, and not isolating themselves from the others.

What really worried her though, wasn’t just the fact that they were trapped in this campus and being told they have to kill each other to get out. It was the crucial piece of all of this that no one else seemed to remember, the part that made this so much worse than what it already was, the similarity to-

“Uehara-san,” Shio looked up, her train of thought broken, to see Daichi had reached her and gave him a smile. He didn’t meet her eyes, running a hand through his messy blue locks and keeping his other in the pocket of his jacket. “Do you want to head to the meeting spot? It’s about time we all get together.”

The meeting spot. It was nothing more than an outdoor seating area a little off to the side with a stone bench in a U shape. Shio had suggested that they keep some form of regularity in their lives while here, and among the ideas had been a daily meeting to discuss anything they had discovered or any problems they found. Its purpose was to try and strengthen bonds among each other while also working to find ways out of this prison.

They’d meet up every day at five, right before dinner, and so far over the two days it seemed to be working well enough. Only Mitsuru complained about it, but Shio had a feeling Mitsuru would complain about everything if given the chance.

But she kept smiling as she pushed herself up, brushing some black locks of hair behind her ear, “It’s that time already? I guess I lost track of time, thanks for reminding me,” she hadn’t actually forgotten, she’d been well aware of the time, but the gratitude made Daichi feel better so she’d give it to him. “Let’s get going, Akemi-kun, it’d be awkward if we were late.”

He didn’t say much, but smiled and walked at her side as they made their way across the grass to the area just hidden behind a corner of the dorm.

There were a few already there.

Aito Shigaraki was sitting on one end of the stone bench, his white hair as messy as always with the heavy bags under his eyes and disheveled clothes. He was the Ultimate Forensic Pathologist, and from what Shio understood that meant he studied dead bodies. She hated to admit it, but Aito kind of creeped her out. Sometimes he looked unhinged and he made it clear that if someone died he’d love to take a look at their insides.

On the other side of the spectrum was Izumi Hayasha. Despite earning her talent for being a thief, she wasn’t a bad person as far as Shio could tell, if she looked past the whole being an actual criminal thing. When Mitsuru challenged her on the first day for “trying to control them” or something, Izumi stepped in and backed Shio up with how she was the only one trying to do something other than panic while Mitsuru was doing nothing. She even promised not to steal anything from the other students, unless they did something to make her mad, and so far she’d been trustworthy. Daichi seemed to like her well enough, too.

“Hello, Hayasha-san, Shigaraki-kun,” Shio greeted with a smile as she took a seat at the bench, the stone felt warm against the bright sun. Daichi took a seat beside her, situating himself between herself and Shigaraki, as though the lanky individual would try and attack her. She knew that he distrusted Aito and a part of her wanted to chastise him for not having faith in their friends, but chose to bite her tongue. It’d do no good to draw attention to him right now when Aito didn’t seem to notice or care.

He didn’t even respond to her greeting with more than a small hum as he fiddled with mangling the flower in his hand.

Izumi on the other hand smiled brightly and leaned over the stone bench, “Aah~! Shio-chan, it’s so nice to see you again, it’s a beautiful day today, isn’t it? Though these past few ones have been just lovely as well. Not nearly as lovely as you, though,” she smiled and it was brighter than the sun. “And Daichi-kun, you’re looking as handsome as ever, though I still think it’d be nice of you if you’d give me your neckerchief, the warehouse in the campus doesn’t have one like that.”

Daichi blushed and didn’t look at her but gripped the red fabric around his neck, “Sorry, Hayasha-san, but, like I said before I’m not giving it up.”

The thief just giggled and waved it off. Shio was happy to see her in such good spirits like usual, she’d be worried if Izumi suddenly became solemn.

Gradually the other students started filtering in, some on their own and some in groups of two or three until all sixteen were seated and the meeting was ready to commence.

Beside Izumi sat Hayato Himura the survivalist, and beside him was Ren Taikiyo an actor. The screenwriter, Yuu Kobayashi sat between him and Takahiko Saikawa, a Taekwondo champion. Goro Kobe, an obnoxious Go player was between Takahiko and herself while Daichi was stuck sitting next to the figure skater herself, Mitsuru Kita.

From there it went to Hikaru Yoshii the residential adrenaline junkie and racer, and Kasumi Sasaki, a graceful dancer. Eisuke Watanabe, the Ultimate Archer sat next to her, and next to Eisuke was Tsubasa Watanabe the basketball player and then Kousuke Nakamura, the photographic memory. Taiyou Adachi sat between Kousuke and Aito, being the only one to not disclose his talent but rather keep saying he had a different talent whenever asked.

There was some murmuring among the group and Shio brought her hands together in a clap to quiet down the chatter and start the meeting. Monokuma had begun breathing down their necks lately about no one being killed, they needed to come up with a plan.

“By the sounds of things, no one’s found anything new,” Shio began which was followed by a few disgruntled mutters and sly remarks tossed about by her classmates. But she clapped her hands again to bring attention back to herself. “That’s fine, that’s fine, we’re still trying so that’s what matters.”

There was a loud groan and she turned to look at Goro. “Some are trying harder than others, but not like that matters,” he responded, his eyes on Mitsuru.

The figure skater let out an offended gasp, “What are you insinuating?” she demanded.

“Exactly what it sounds like.”

“Mitsuru, everyone is putting in more effort than you are,” Kousuke snipped, his eyes narrowed at her, “last I checked, all you’ve been doing since we got here was eat in the dining room and complain. I don’t think you have a right to be insulted when someone calls you out on it.”

“I would have thought that as someone from such a rich and fancy home as yours that you’d know; some people are meant to work while others are meant to sit back while others do the work for them,” Mitsuru retorted, crossing her arms over her chest, “Obviously I was not born into this world to do menial labor and hard work like the rest of these bums. But I guess your upbringing wasn’t nearly as proper if you’d let yourself fall to there level.”

“Of maybe I’d like to get out of here more than I’d like to hang onto egotistical pride like a certain pretentious brat.”

“Why you,” Mitsuru curled back a lip, “I have half a mind to slap you right now.”

Taiyou began laughing as he leaned forward to watch, “Oooh~! Are we gonna get to see some rich brats duke it out?” he asked loudly, a wide grin slapped across his face, “Ten monocoins on Mitsuru-chan!”

“Please! Q-tip can take her, hands down,” Hikaru shot back, “Twenty that he wins !”

“Excuse me? Who are you calling a q-tip?” Kousuke snapped, almost rising from his seat, his attention moved from Mitsuru to Hikaru. A few snickers and cackles turned into laughter from multiple people and the arguing started to spread.

So the whole everyone being friends was clearly still in the works.

Trying to dissolve the situation quickly and get things back on track, Shio raised her voice, “Guys? Guys!” she yelled over the bickering, they gradually quieted back down to look at her. “Please guys, we’re friends here, we don’t need to be arguing when we need to stick together, right? How do you expect us to take on Monokuma if we start arguing so easily?”

A few of the students murmured but no one really spoke up, all looking at the ground or away from Shio, some bitter and others guilty.

Trying to raise the mood, Shio smiled at them all again. “Even though it’s not going to help us find an exit out of here, I was thinking we could do more things as a group than just the daily meeting,” she said, fanning her fingers out and tapping them against each other. “Just something to help us grow closer, help keep a unity among the groups.” It was vital to forge a strong bond with everyone, strong enough that no matter what Monokuma might throw their way, it won’t cause them to betray one another.

“Eh?” Taiyou asked, raising a brow, “What sort of activities did you have in mind, my dear Shio-chan? Don’t tell me you want us to scrapbook together, or sit around a campfire singing songs, I don’t know if I could handle that much friendship!”

“Hey, come on the campfire sounds pretty fun if we throw in some smores,” Ren snickered harmlessly, sticking his tongue out a little so that the metal stud at the tip peeked out past his teeth.

So maybe she shouldn’t bring up that digging up a pit for a campfire and spend some time at night together was one of her ideas. Didn’t seem like the group was going to take that one seriously right now so she’d push it off to a later date.

“I don’t know about that, but, we do have a lot of space outside,” Shio said as she began thinking, “we could find some kind of game to play. The gym has lots of sports equipment in there, so we could find something that would let everyone play in there.”

Tsubasa raised her hand after Shio said that, “There’s a lot of baseball gloves and balls in the gym closet, as well as plenty of baseballs and a few bats. There’s also some flags if we want to play capture the flag, and a few footballs, as well as the American ones,” she said and then scratched her cheek, “though I don’t know the rules to that one.”

“That’s fine,” Shio grinned as she looked at the athlete, “I shouldn’t be, but I’m surprised you remember everything that’s in there.” Tsubasa blushed when she said that and Shio took that as a cue to turn to the others again, “Even if we don’t want to get dirty playing a sport, between the school store and the warehouse, I’m sure there’s plenty we can do together.”

Hayato gave a small laugh from his end of the bench, “You sure are intent on keeping us as a united group, aren’t you, Uehara-san?” it was less of a question and he had a smile as he said it, but it looked tired.

She didn’t falter and with a feeling of determination in her gut, Shio nodded her head. “Of course I am, Himura-kun. You guys are all my friends, so I’m going to do everything I can to keep us all alive,” the words were genuine. Even though she only knew the group for a few days, she cared about them like she knew them for longer. They were her friends, even if they didn’t feel the same, and she wanted to keep her friends safe.

What was so wrong about that?

But as soon as she finished speaking, someone began gagging from behind her, a fake retching noise in response to her desire for all to survive. “Uuuugh! How boring!”

She felt a chill run over her, and beside her she saw Daichi go pale in the face at the familiar, overly cheerful voice. He wasn’t the only one, others had gone pale, while some went red in the face from anger, heads swiveling to stare at the intruder.

With a walk that was more of a waddle, Monokuma marched around until he was right in front of the group, staring at them with his mismatched eyes and ever present grin. “All this talk of unity, bonds, friends and sticking together, ooooh! I can feel my stomach churning. You’re going to make me sick at this rate!”

“Why should we care about your health?” Takahiko asked dryly, eyes narrowed at the robot. “You don’t seem too concerned with our wellbeing, so why should we be with yours?”

“Yeowch, you cut me with those harsh words,” the bear complained, an air of gloom surrounding him, but it was gone as quick as it appeared. “But that’s not what I’m here for, not at all! My health can wait because I’m sure that your talk of friendship and teamwork will be ending soon!”

Shio stood up, hands on her hips in a defiant stance as she stared down at the bear, “You’re wrong, we’re not going to stop working together just because you want it,” she said firmly. She was the leader of this group, she had to make sure she always stood up against Monokuma, here was no different. “Why are you here if it wasn’t to complain? If it’s to tell us to kill each other, we’re still not going to play your twisted game.”

But the bear let out a long sigh, “Man you are no fun, no fun at all,” he whined. “But you’re right. As things are now, there’s no way you guys will start the killing game, and that’s just so boring. So I had to think long and hard, I skipped sleeping last night just to come up with this idea, you know?”

“What idea?” Kasumi asked from where she sat, playing with the sleeves of her shirt, Shio noted they were becoming increasingly more frayed as her nails picked at the strands.

Monokuma let out a maniacal laugh as he stared at them all good and hard. “I was thinking, and thinking, and thinking, and then it hit me! You guys have the place, the tools, the possible victims, but no reason!” he exclaimed. “Now, I would have thought the Graduation rule would have been reason enough; kill someone to get out of here, but nope! You guys are pickier than that!”

A reason? “Are you talking about a motive or something?” Shio asked, feeling her heart beating louder in her chest. Did he come out all this way to give them something to motivate each other to kill? Whatever he was going to throw at them, it wasn’t going to work. They weren’t that easy, they were stronger than him and wouldn’t fall for the devil’s temptation like he wanted them too.

“Oooh, that’s exactly what it is,” Monokuma sang, “I thought it was about time to give you all a motive!”