#if you live where i live ur cursed to suffer

[hoodiesnatcher]

List of alternative names soy goes by for a newly understood soy allergy:

Supro

Lecithin

Natural flavoring

Artificial flavoring

Vegetable gum

Vegetable startch

[michibap]

ok so im ovulating and actually fucking tweaking over how big schlatt is hold on

nsfw below the cut

-the worm that lives in my ear will not shut the FUCK up about how there’s a 97.5% chance that he’s stronger than u

-roughhousing and genuinely thinking you have the upper hand one minute, and then the next you’re firmly pinned underneath him while he laughs in your face and it’s like oh

-and maybe it’s a little nerve wracking realizing how easy it was for him to bend you to his will, especially after thinking you’d bested him

-but when you look up at him his eyes are brimming with fondness and he’s leaning down to squish an obnoxiously wet kiss to ur cheek

-giggling and trying to turn your face away, shrieking when he playfully nips at the soft skin

-but u stop laughing bc ain’t SHIT funny about the way he grabs your face to bring it back to look up at him

-big ass hand coming up to grip the sides your your face, fingers digging into your cheeks to force your mouth open so he could slip his thumb between ur spit slicked lips

-pressing the pad of his thumb against your hot, wet tongue before running over the sharp points of your teeth, knuckle grazing against the silky inner lining of your cheek, cursing to himself and bringing his other hand down to palm himself over his shorts

-strong hands easily pushing your thighs out of the way to make space for that big ass head of his

-the rug burn would go ACTUALLY fucking crazy bc that man is a messy eater and i KNOW IT

-shaking his head and shit, hungry growls muffled by your cunt

-forearm pinning your hips to the bed to keep you from squirming away when it gets to be too much, keeping you there until he’s had his fill

-motherfucker doesn’t even come up for air until you’re knotting your fingers into his hair and prying him away from you with a whimper

-he parts from you with a grin, leaning down to give her one last kiss before he’s surging back up towards you, catching your lips in a searing kiss

-smiling into it when you gasp into his mouth at the sensation of long fingers breaching your entrance, taking advantage of it and using the chance to bully his tongue into your mouth

-his groan harmonizing with your keening moan when he crooks his fingers just right

-mercilessly sending you hurtling towards another orgasm, humming with a grin as he feels you squeeze around his fingers

-laughing at you as you whine when he draws them out, wiping them off on his shirt and pressing a parting kiss to your mouth before his hands come to your hips and flip you onto your stomach

-doesn’t even give you the chance to get into position, one hand dragging your hips up while the other settles between your shoulder blades, wide palm pinning your front to the mattress, effectively keeping you arched for him

-you can’t do much more than whine into the mattress and fist your hands in the sheets as you feel his fat head pressing against your entrance, gasping when it finally pushes in

-he throws his head back with a drawn out groan as he presses in, but forces himself to pick it back up so he could set his eyes on where he’s sliding into you

-you yelp when you feel a harsh slap to your ass, whining when he grabs a mean fistful of stinging flesh, though it trails off into a moan when his hips punch forward with another brutal thrust

-once he’s bored of pistoning his hips into your ass, he’s using both hands to grab your hips, moving you back and forth on him, encouraging you to take over

“C’mon, baby-“ he’d hiss through gritted teeth, “fuckin’ take it.”

-he’s more than happy to watch you fuck yourself back on him for a while, but once you start to lose your rhythm he’s locking back in, meeting your thrusts with his own

-little grunts punched out of him every time his hips meet your ass

-usually you'd have to tear the fabric of time and space to get him to pull out, but he couldn’t be assed to grab a condom earlier, so now he’ll suffer for it

-he plays a dangerous game, teetering painfully close to the edge before he’s forcing himself to pull out

-completely disregarding how you whine as you clench around nothing, too busy frantically fisting his cock over you, knuckles bumping the fat of your ass as he struggles to catch his breath

-maybe his free hand comes to spread you open, giving himself a pleasant view before he’s spilling

-tbh idc if u finish or not TBIS ISNT ABOUT YOU

-once he’s satisfied, he’s collapsing on top of you, chest pressed to your back, squishing you into the mattress

-weighted blanket of a man.

-ignores you complaining about needing to pee as he dozes off, nuzzling his face into your hair as he gets comfortable

-whatever bitch u can pee later GOD

jschlatt PLEASE give me a chance king i’ll sign the nda no questions asked I MEAN JT

[generalsmemories]

How to take care of your lover (short life species) when they're sick

✧ jing yuan x gn!reader

✧ based on the ask: helloooo!! may i request a scenario in which jing yuan’s significant other (a short life species that isn’t a xianzhou native) has gotten sick? (jing yuan is not adept at taking care of the sick as he is a long-life species). how worried would he be? would he be ridden with thoughts of potential death?

i love ur writing btw!! - requested by anonymous

✧ contents: established relationship, fluff, hurt/comfort, mentions of character death (relax, it's not as bad as it seems), spoilers for jing yuan's, blade's and dan heng's past (sorta), maybe ooc at times

✧ a/n: for humorous purposes jing yuan will have no idea what a fever is. let's say that the illnesses that xianzhou natives have to suffer are most of the time a life or death situation so the concept of a fever is practically nonexsistent for them.

"I must say general, I didn't think of you as the type to be able to take care of a short-lived species whose fallen ill at such a short notice," Welt says, eyes wandering towards March 7th whose currently sleeping peacefully on a bed inside Bailu's clinic, the trailblazer close by to watch over. And although their gaze is not on the pair behind them, Jing Yuan can tell that they too are curious. "Oh, but I don't mean this with ill intent, I'm just surprised is all," he adds on quickly, the general merely laughing at the quick explanation.

"No worries, Mr. Yang. It's an understandable surprise. Us long-life species have other health conditions to worry about that other species doesn't need to mull over and vice versa. I just happened to have a bit of experience from before, and seeing that Ms. Bailu wasn't here to personally attend to you all and I had time to spare, it was the least I could do," Jing Yuan explains, making Welt hum in question, "Pardon if this sounds rude, but might I ask where that experience comes from?"

The general laughs, shaking his head as a silent gesture to tell Welt that he doesn't mind, "Not at all, you're esteemed guests after all, telling you a bit won't harm anyone - it's not exactly a secret either," Jing Yuan starts, "I used to have a lover when I was younger that had a shorter lifespan than I is all."

There's a moment of silence, the people before him probably not expecting him to reveal something that vulnerable as easy as he did: "They often got sick because of their curious nature that didn't work well with their frail body, I was often worried sick myself," Jing Yuan reveals with a soft chuckle, and if one had a keener eye they could tell his eyes softening significantly too when reminiscing the events.

"... How long ago?" the trailblazer suddenly asks. The question catches Welt off guard, but before he could try to dismiss it Jing Yuan let's out a low noise of contemplation, "A couple of years ago. I think just before I got appointed as a general," he answers in the end.

Oh, so it was at least a couple of decades ago.

"Yingxing, I think [Name] is dying!" the craftsman almost slams the hammer down on his finger instead of the metal he's welding when the door gets kicked open, letting out a silent curse before directing his gaze towards the door with a quirked eyebrow.

"Kid, I can guarantee you that they don't wake up one day and decide that today is the perfect time to die," Yingxing points out, untying his apron as Jing Yuan begins to explain. "No you don't understand, today I went to their room to wake them up again, but they didn't answer! But I noticed that the door was not locked-"

"You went into their room without asking?"

"Yes? Anyway, they were still in bed, but they didn't even acknowledge me when I called out to them! But when I got closer, I noticed that their face was unusually red and that their whole body was warmer than usual. They were also heavily breathing, but even when they burning up they didn't let me cool them down-"

"Okay, okay. Stop, I already understand," Yingxing tries to placate the young solider, trying to move behind him to get your motionless form into his own arms, but Jing Yuan merely turns around. The action making you groan uncomfortably by the fast motion, "What are you planning on doing? Are they dying?!"

"No. They're either just running a high fever or been in contact with something unknown onboard the Luofu that their immune system haven't encountered yet, move them more than that and they're gonna puke all over the floor which I honestly do not want, so give them to me before you make them worse!" Yingxing barks out, rubbing his temples to get rid of the rising headache, "Do you long life species not suffer from a fever every now and then?"

"... Why would we?"

"Why did I even bother to ask, can you bring Dan Feng here to just look and see if it's not any serious illness? And then I can teach you how to take care of a short life species - seeing as this is your reaction," Yingxing says with a laugh, motioning at Jing Yuan's frantic state before cradling your body into his own arms.

Nonetheless, the Vidyadhara high elder was very rudely interrupted from his duties to get (willingly) dragged away by a distressed Jing Yuan.

"Jing Yuan it was just a sneeze, no need to bundle me up this much," you croak out under the amount of covers stacked upon you, a clearly worried Jing Yuan by your bedside with even more covers. "If anything you're going to crush me with how heavy these are, I don't exactly have the strength to get them off at the moment either-"

"Have you gotten weaker? Do I need to get Dan Feng again to check?"

"No- he was just here 10 minutes ago to give me some medicine again, don't go- I'm serious, Jing Yuan come back this fever is no different from the other ones, I promise!" you plead, somehow managing to grab onto the ends of his cape to make him stop, "I admit it's my fault that I stayed outside in the rain too long when it started to become windy too." you reassure him, tugging a tiny bit on the cape to make him settle on the edge of the bed, to which Jing Yuan obediently does.

"You worry too much," you mumble, tugging Jing Yuan further into the bed so he can lean against the headboard while you slowly manuever around to settle between his legs before burying your face into his stomach.

"Aren't I too warm wearing my usual clothing? Do you want me to grab something first, maybe eat something? You've barely eaten anything, Yingxing said you should at least try to stomach something when you get sick, how about I try to make the congee again before you-"

"No, just stay like this. Last time you tried to make congee you almost cut off your fingers and burned down the kitchen" you mumble, turning your head to grin up at Jing Yuan who only gives you a defeated smile, "You should really worry less. You've seen me sick a few times now and I just need a few days of rest, so just take it easy here with me," you whisper. Jing Yuan could tell that you were getting sleepy from fatigue with the way your eyelids were dropping, but even while fighting off sleep you manage to remind him of one last thing, "... If you're going to try to cook after I fall asleep, at least call Yingxing..."

"... And you call me a worrywart."

[hrts4hanniehae]

clutch || five

there are written parts :)

note that the timeline or educations may not add up but just ignore it because i don't have the brain power to sync up THIRTEEN + 1 's education schedules

also!!!! the story begins in the christmas period of 2022!!!! IF THERE ARE YEAR ERRORS IM SO SORRY!!!! i legit can't change it omfg

"so you guys went to vernon's place before coming back?" - wonwoo

"can't risk e/n finding out where yn lives now." - vernon

"you and seungkwan have to be careful too." - dino

"yeah. he's away hosting this netflix show so i'll just look out for myself." - vernon

"he's so annoying..." - yn

"i'll fetch you from work from now on, yn." - wonwoo

dino and vernon turn to look at him in shock. wonwoo? volunteering? to go out of the house? to help someone?

"thanks... i didn't really expect him to become like this..." - yn

no one expected e/n to knock on wonwoo's door while yn and dino were home alone.

hiding in her art room as the knocks got louder, yn and dino began to silently panic.

"where the hell is wonwoo" - yn

"he has a streamer event to attend. i'm going to cry why is he so scary..." - dino

"okay wait go strip and put on your bathroom after wetting ur body or smth then open the door and ask why he's here." - yn

"huh?!" - dino

"fasterpleasegonow." - yn

dino took a deep breath before opening the door. sure enough, it was e/n, who was shocked to see him."

"sorry but does someone named yn ln live here?" - e/n

"sorry who?" - dino

"yn ln. about this tall, (hair colour), (eye colour)..." - e/n

"i don't know anyone like that. sorry. would you mind leaving? this apartment building is off limits to those who don't live here and i don't recognise you." - dino

"... sorry for bothering you." - e/n

dino immediately closes and locks the door once e/n leaves and rushes back to the art room.

"how the hell did he get in without the keycard?" - yn

"probably tailgated someone inside. have you texted wonwoo?" - dino

"he said he was on the way back." - yn

when he got the text from yn, his heart dropped. a simple sentence. "e/n is here. help." he feared the worst. he didn't understand. yn was one of the nicest people he knew, willing to help anyone, hardworking and dedicated. why was she suffering at the hands people like this?

his relief when she texted that she was okay made his legs weak. he barely knew her, but he knew the effort she'd put in to keep a smile on her face.

e/n threatened her peace. and he didn't know why he cared so much, but he did.

ฅ^•ﻌ•^ฅ

a/n: i'm sorry it's a little short today but i was tired since i went out to buy albums today. i finally bought my boynextdoor album. and OMG TWS MEMBERS???? based off instant attraction alone... it's me and shinyu against the world.

synopsis: wonwoo is a popular streamer known for his incredible gaming skills and good looks. He turned heads. but he hates the attention. he just wants to play games and earn money. one day he receives a letter. his apartment’s rent has almost doubled. no warnings at all. his current paycheck from streaming can’t shoulder those bills. he has no choice but to rent out his spare room. to who? a fresh art university graduate who has… 1. a stable job ✅ 2. talent for art and sculpting ✅ 3. many friends ❌ 4. social anxiety ✅ 5. no filter ✅ when his iconic cat logo gets copystriked, she comes to the rescue with a new logo for him. when his apartment’s walls start peeling, she fixes it. whatever he used to struggle with… the empty space... was now filled by her. so what does he *last player standing* do when her ex *enemy spotted* tries to take her back? heh. *clutch* he clutches.

inspired by wonwoo's gam3bo1 streams, falling into your smile & gogo squid (has hints of valorant)

pairing: streamer!jeon wonwoo x fem!artist!reader (ft. jeongcheol, soonhoon, junhao, seoksoo, verkwan)

genre: fluff, comfort, slowburn, comfort, pining, bestfriend!minghao

warnings: stalker ex, toxic ex, mentions of abuse, guns (game), cursing, hate comments, panic attacks

started: 28.12.23

ended: ?

taglist: join from my masterlist

main masterlist

smau socials

previous I next

tags! @fairyofhour @megseungmin @sun-daddy-yoriichi @woozixo @euphoric-univers @christinewithluv @haowonbins @ocyeanicc @asyre @cynthiaaax13 @superhoshisvt @bangantokchy @chimmy-bts @angelarin @daisawa @writingbarnes @jeonghansshitester

@belladaises @wonwootakemyheart @wonwooz1 @luchiet @kookssecret @caratsland @peachescreamandcrumble @thepoopdokyeomtouched @isabellah29 @leah-rose03 @yandere-stories @coupshour @heesbees @hamji-hae

[satansamwriting]

hi! saw your post from yesterday and im fairly new to ur blog :) can i ask for headcanons for kung lao and liu kang with a gender neutral reader who gets a lot of bug bites?? like in the summer they get bit a lot and it annoys them

HC Kung Lao and Liu Kang with a gn s/o who keeps getting bug bites.

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o

HI! I wasn't expecting someone to ask me that quickly. I'm farely new to writing headcanons so I tried my best and I hope you enjoy it as much as I had fun writing it.

Kung Lao

This man would find your "suffering" entertaining.

Like you two would be training together and suddenly the urge to scratch your bug bites would distract you enough to stop the fight and he'd be there watching you curse summer and all the bugs on Earthrealm with a grin.

Bug doesn’t seem to bite him and it annoys you. 

Amazed by how many bug bites you get

"(Y/N), the bug charmer"

Enjoy hearing your creative swearing as you discover new bites. 

It gets to a point where you discover bites in odd places like in the palm of your hand or in between your toes. He tries his best not to laugh as you complain about them.

Eventually, Kung Lao would take pity on you, seeing how much it bothers you and would try to find ways to help. 

Kung Lao  asked around the temple for anything that could help with (y/n)'s bug problems. It took some time, even after asking Liu and Lord Raiden, before finding someone that could help. A small bottle of diluted citronella oil in hand, he thanked the monk before making his way back to (y/n). He finds them sitting on the training ground currently trying to fight off the bugs that surrounded them.  “Here, this should help.” Taking a seat next to them, he pries open the bottle and poured a small amount in the palm of his hand.  “ I think my last option is to ask Grandmaster Liang if I could live at his temple during summer. At least bugs would leave me alone.” Rubbing the oil on the several bites covering their body, Kung Lao tries to hide his grin.  “ And leave me here all alone for months?” Satisfied with his job, Kung Lao closed the bottle, pocketing it in case they would need it again. His grin never left his face as he looked at them. (Y/n) seemed to be weighing the options in their head. Signing as if they made the most difficult decision in their life (y/n) stood up and stretched.

“Oh the sacrifices I make for you.”

Kung Lao couldn’t help but laugh as he took  (y/n) extended hands.

Liu Kang

Similar to Kung Lao, this boy doesn’t get bug bites. 

Although, he is more sympathetic toward you whenever you get new bites or complain about the itch. 

Would start to worry if the bites become more apparent on your skin.

Liu Kang is curious to know why, despite the both of you being outside together, the bugs only bite you

Even though he himself doesn’t get bitten , he knows you shouldn’t scratch them. And so, he tries to keep your mind off the bites by training with you.

Secretly finds it entertaining as long as it doesn’t get worse.

Asks around the temple for any advice on how to appease your itch 

It  was a warm day at the temple. Liu Kang and (y/n) were meditating, hiding in the shade to avoid getting sunburn. The meditation was going smoothly until Liu Kang's concentration was broken by a loud smack. Opening his eyes, he turned toward (y/n), who was trying their best not to scratch the newest bite. Liu Kang could see how annoyed they were and, with a soft smile, decided to help with their discomfort.  “Wait here.” The chosen one left his partner for a short while, knowing full well that they would take this opportunity to scratch the bite. He came back soon after with a small bowl filled with cold water and a towel in hand.  “I heard cold water help ease the itching sensation.” Wetting the towel, Liu Kang gently wrapped it around the bite and watched as they smiled in relief. “ Thanks, it does help a bit.”  Too distracted now to continue their meditation Liu Kang and (y/n) spent the rest of the time enjoying the warmth of the day sitting in the shade. Whenever the itching sensation got too intense again, (y/n) would simply remove the towel and wet it again. If the water in the bowl became lukewarm, Liu Kang would stand up and change it for cold water. When other bites started to show up, Liu Kang searched for ways to repel the bugs. One of the monks, who overheard him talk about the problem to Kung Lao, offered him straws of lavender. Thanking the monk, Liu Kang left his friend to find his partner. (Y/n) was scratching at one of the bites when he arrived. The smell of lavender slowly filled the air around them.  “I told you not to scratch yourself while I'm gone.” Placing the flowers in between them, Liu Kang took hold of (y/n) hands in order to prevent them from worsening the bite.  “In my defence,you were back when I started to.” Smiling, Liu Kang kept holding their hands as the two of them continued their conversation.  Despite how annoying it was to get bug bites all summer long, (y/n) enjoyed the care Liu Kang gave them. 

[vxmpyr-clxb]

☆ . . . LEARN THE ALPHABET WITH SAGE!

A is for — “And here I thought Jake would’ve been the first to lose a limb.” Playing COD and other shooting games with the boys.

B is for — "Bitches love me bitches love me-" Jake on live and going to ask Sage if she wanted to join. Only to open the door and hear her screaming the lyrics to a song. Jake immediately slamming the door shut after hearing her.

C is for — “¿Cómo te va? Ten cuidado. No te caigas.” Teagan randomly switching languages when speaking to the boys in a en-o’clock ep and not even realizing it for a good 20 minutes.

D is for — "DEEZ NUTS!...I'm sorry." Her on a live, and letting the intrusive thoughts win, pt. 1.

E is for — “EVERYTIME WE TOUCH I GET THIS FEELING!" Karaoke with Heesung, Jay, and Sage is chaotic to say the least.

F is for — "FUC-FLIPPING FONGTASTIC PENGUINS!" Teagan stubbing her toe on the counter in I-land.

G is for — "Get me out of here.." Sage looking towards the cam during a live, with Niki and Jake, like she's in the office.

H is for — "HEKVSFKJASK-" Her literally getting choked out by Niki when they were roughousing and him dragging her off the side.

I is for — "I’ve accidentally indulged in too much ‘me time’ and must now suffer the consequences." Sage leaving her room after 24 straight hours of gaming and just hanging out and almost falling due to lack of iron.

J is for — “Just take me out! I wanna go back to bed." The group playing paintball while on a variety show episode and Teagan standing in the middle of the arena with her arms open.

K is for — "Kill me and I'll haunt you for the rest of your days, Kim Sunoo." Enhypen playing Mafia together.

L is for — "Likeee- You can’t sit with us.” Enhypen playing a game on one of her vlogs where you have to guess the person they’re pretending to be.

M is for — “MONSTER ENERGY!” Playing that one guessing game with headphones and Teagan being absolutely wrong in her guess.

O is for — “One more week of being stuck here with this *bleeep* cabeza de mierda and you will find a dead body.” Sage whilst on i-land and the boys keep eating all her favorite snacks when she started her period.

P is for — “Please, for the love of Christ, stop throwing monopoly money like we’re in a strip club!” A clip from one of her vlogs on Enhypen's group game nights.

Q is for — "QUACK QUACK HOE!" There's compilation of Teagan accidently cursing in public on YouTube somewhere, I just know it.

R is for — "RAAHHHH!!” Sage randomly using British slang out of nowhere and the boys getting confused.

S is for — “Shit..Oh fuck!…Who said that??” Her in the background of one of the other’s lives and dropping something and cursing.

T is for — "This is our village idiot—" Sage showing off her family pet, Rex, in a vlog.

U is for — "Ur joking.. Ur joe-king." The girl mimicking that one tiktok trend and dying of laughter on live.

W is for — "WAKE UP IN DAY ONE!" Shouting the lyrics to their song during a karaoke challenge.

X is for— "XYNDNDK” The girl falling out of her chair while laughing in an en-o’clock episode.

Y is for — “Yang Jungwon, I know you are not killing people without me!!!” Sage messing/joking with Jungwon when they all played Among Us together.

Z is for — "Zesty? Girl what.." Sage reading comments on live and laughing at goofy ones.

should really be named sage can't stop cursing pt.1

[merlinemrys]

hi, I hope I'm not bothering you😅😅but I was wondering if you have any Arthur centered fic recs?? whether it be angsty, fluffy, gen or shippy, just anything arthur centered is fine tbh

it's totally fine if not though, hope you have a good day/night 💕💕

hiiii ur not bothering me at all i love giving recs 💙 and i ALWAYS love arthur-centric fics so here r some i've read recently. hope u like them!

When I Didn't Know The Answer, I Found It In Your Eyes by ironfamjam (rated t, merthur, 36k)

Summary: “It was never supposed to end like this. You were both meant for such happier things.” “I was always meant to be a tragedy.” Arthur disagrees. “Dearest darling, you are the king of kings, this will not be your end.” With Arthur's death comes a single chance to go back to the beginning and save everyone he's ever loved. Seeing home in Merlin's eyes and a hope for a better world in Morgana's, Arthur knows what he must do. Only bringing magic back to Camelot will prevent the future he knows is coming from happening, but in his way is the only mountain he's never been able to climb; his father won't change for anyone, not even for his son.

Born of Magic by KingPrat (rated t, merthur, 77k)

Summary: Set after 1x13. When Arthur learns he is of magic, he decides it's time to grow out of Uther's shadows. Secrets are revealed, and Arthur comes to learn just how far his father is willing to go in his war against magic. With Merlin on his side, can Arthur build the kingdom he was destined to create?

How Arthur Got His Groove Back by thegeminisage (rated t, merthur, 134k)

Summary: Arthur Pendragon is at an all-time low: he's still suffering from the day he nearly dueled his father to the death, his sword arm has been wounded so grievously he may never fight again, and, worst of all, every last soul in Camelot and the kingdoms beyond have had magic forced on them overnight. Now Arthur must contend with the chaos of magic run rampant, his father's dangerous instability, Morgana's increasing distance, catching Merlin in more lies than he can count, and the magic that is now threatening to consume him—all while searching for a way to break the curse before it consumes them all. It's not going to be easy: Arthur grapples with a destiny he's not sure he can handle, and a past he'd rather forget—and if he wants to save his people, he must be prepared to confront hard truths and harder choices. It's a trial by fire, one that risks destroying everything Arthur has left to hold dear should he fail. But with enough courage, enough understanding, and maybe just a touch of magic, there's nothing he can't face.

I suppose that I look different (without the robes and crown) by WingedWolf121 (not rated, merthur, 18k)

Summary: When Arthur blows the horn of Cathbdhah for the second time, the horn doesn’t just send Uther to the other world. It sends Arthur away as well – to a world where Ygraine never died, the Great Purge never happened, and magic lives freely at court. As do those who practice it.

Wærcsár Tācnunge by Glon_Morski (rated t, gen fic, WIP, 190k)

Summary: When Arthur is born, Ygraine dies and Uther vows vengeance against all magic. When Arthur is four, Nimueh decides to take matters into her own hands and casts an enchantment on the prince as penance for his father. One which can only be removed by a magic user willing to undo the enchantment for the sake of helping Arthur, and no other reason. When Arthur is seven, the truth of the spell's nature comes to light. When Arthur is fifteen, the rumours of the worsening enchantment spread among the kingdoms until news it has been removed take their place and his father tells Arthur he must never let anyone know the truth of the matter. When Arthur is twenty, he lives with the firm belief the enchantment will never be lifted. When Arthur is twenty, a boy named Merlin arrives in Camelot and, by a streak of luck, becomes the enchanted prince's manservant...

Only Friend by CaptainOzone (rated gen, gen fic, 60k)

Summary: What if Arthur went after Merlin in the tunnels outside of Ealdor earlier? What would he think of the confrontation between him and Agravaine? And how will he deal with the revelation as they retake Camelot? 4x13 AU.

Beg, Borrow, Steal by s0mmerspr0ssen (rated t, gen fic, 23k)

Summary: Merlin has access to everything relating to the Prince, including the keys to Arthur’s coffer. And why shouldn’t he? If there’s one thing Arthur is certain of, it’s that Merlin can be trusted completely. Then, one afternoon, Arthur walks in on Merlin about to steal money from his strongbox. The incident leaves Arthur with one burning question: Why, after two years of loyal service, would Merlin (almost) turn into a thief?

↳ s0mmerspr0ssen has so many good fics, not just this one. not all of them are arthur-centric but the characterisation is so delicious. see also: unfit for another arthur-centric fic!

What I'd Have Done by Flight_of_Fantasy (rated gen, merthur, 119k)

Summary: "I'm not sure what I'd have done." "And I didn't want to put you in that position.” For better or for worse, Arthur knows Merlin's secret. The problem? Merlin doesn't know Arthur knows. This leaves Arthur with a predicament... and an opportunity. A test. Three trials and three opportunities for Merlin to prove he doesn't deserve death. Arthur hopes he will pass them. Maybe then the image of Merlin's golden eyes will stop haunting him. AKA an in-depth character study of Arthur. I do not endorse Arthur's actions, but this is what I think he'd do in canon. This was my season 3 prediction!

The Homecoming of Arthur Pendragon by TheSeasonOfWinter (rated t, gen fic, 91k, part 1 of an incomplete series)

Summary: The dragon leaned forward. "Your destiny is to protect Uther Pendragon's heir, the one who will be the Once and Future King and unite all of Albion." Merlin blinked. "But . . . Uther doesn't have an heir." . . . In many Arthurian texts, Arthur is raised as a peasant by Sir Ector with no knowledge of his royal lineage. Let's bring that back, shall we?

Requiem of a Forgotten Prince by queerofthedagger (writer), kairennart (artist) (rated m, merthur, 86k)

Summary: 'You will forget all that you hold dear,' the sorcerer had vowed before he attacked Arthur, leaving his patrol dead and Arthur achingly thankful that for once, Merlin hadn’t been with him. Well, and he is quite certain that he hasn’t forgotten anything. As it turns out, everyone else has; specifically about him, and that Camelot is supposed to have a crown prince. When Merlin stumbles across him by chance, Arthur should be relieved. And he would be, really—if he hadn’t just been stabbed, and found out that Merlin has magic while he was at it. That Merlin does not remember who he is, either. It all gets a lot more complicated from there on out as Arthur tries to keep his own secrets, deal with the revelations about Merlin, and find a way not only to restore Camelot's memories, but protect it against the threats gathering on the horizon, too. When it rains, it pours; sometimes, the aftermath might just be worth it.

aaaaannnddddd not to self-rec but here's a liddle oneshot

living legend by me (rated gen, gen fic/background arwen, 3k)

Summary: The birth of the young Arthur Pendragon marks a great change in the very heart of Albion. His name will stand the test of time. But, as you well know, accuracy is not a lauded trait. Gossipmongers, the lot of them. Or: Arthur Pendragon, as seen through the eyes of the people of Camelot.

[scentedpepper]

Hiiii I really liked ur recent lip fic so I had a request if it interests u :) it's probably pretty basic actually

Lip x male reader where reader is basically struggling to find a decent job because they're falling behind on bills so they become over stressed/overwork by their current shit job. This being something Lip can relate to he tries to comfort them/tries to get them to relax. (Totally not self reflecting haha 🧍🏻)

Fish.

LIP GALLAGHER X MALE READER

Summary: Lip knows when you're right and when you're wrong.

Content Warnings: None

AUTHOR NOTE(S):

Hey Anon 😼

Totally doable request

Gets a little angsty there for a sec cus I can't not put angst in my fics but yk

This has got to be the mushyest thing on my page so hopefully it's alright (^-^;

Allusiveness per usual..

The self projection is so real..

I'm glad you liked my last fic and I hope you find something that works for you soon tho!!

---------------------------------------------------

Fish.

That's the smell that immediately hits Lip upon entrance into the little studio apartment you call home.

Your cat stares at him, big eyed and blinking slowly from the peeled leather sofa with a blanket draped over it to hide the tweaks and imperfections of a Craigslist bought Lazy Boy.

If the boy was none the wiser, he'd assumed your place had been ransacked, burglarized and left with nothing but items not worth taking a second glance at. Though, it wouldn't be a half bad guess given that your front door was left open and there were clothes and trash strewn about the creaky floors, some of your furniture knocked out of place or even right on its side.

But he could hear you shuffling around the bathroom, knocking something over, the clatter of it to the floor, the less than enthusiastic curse from you and an internal groan that sounded like a hog dying as you bent down to pick it up.

–He wasn't sure how he'd heard that last one.

Intuition, perhaps.

Sheer connection, even.

But he wouldn't delve too much into that concept.

Despite the reality of its contents.

A sigh escapes him, he thinks, maybe one of these days, your recklessness will get you killed. But who is he to speak?

He locks the door from the inside before abandoning his shoes at the entryway, a task you never fail to stress upon to any guest who decides to stop in your home.

The cat is now perched comfortably on the end of your mattress, yawning and stretching as he makes sense of the newcomer in his house that just so happens to be intimately close with his owner.

Lip glances at his feet as he steps into the middle of the walkway, there's holes in his socks right where his toes protrude and they'd gone through their fair share of stitching and needless patching to keep them from slipping off his feet and turning into giant floppy gray lint brushes at his ankles.

Two people, similar living situations and yet two vastly different attitudes toward it.

He tries not to focus on that particular line of thought while he tucked his hands into his front pockets and rocked back and forth on his heels until you shut the bathroom door with a slam.

You're a sight for sore eyes, hair a disheveled mess, sunken in tired eyes, wearing nothing more than boxers, a white tee halfway up your arms when you pause abruptly at the sight of him.

"Hey. “

He finally acknowledges with a little side-smirk that immediately makes you feel a way that's contradictory to every single negative emotion running wild in your head.

You look at him quizzically, pulling your head through your shirt so you could breathe through the collar and clear away some of the exhaust building up after you tugged at your own hair like a horse suffering from some sort of brain-storm induced illness.

"Door was open. " He states the obvious, just to ease the awkward silence beginning to swallow you up.

In response, your eyebrows raise, tugging at your facial features and making your frown look even more drawn, and weary as your lips, that had seen better days, curl up in such a subtle, effortless smile that Lip fails to suppress his immediate burning response.

It's an ironic smile, but it charms your features nonetheless.

“Yeah.. I-” You clear your throat all the sudden, your sentence falling off into a mumble as you grab your hair before releasing it, only succeeding at making it less than structured. Your eyes dart around the room, suddenly aware of the chaos surrounding you. “Been busy. “

You move past him with rushed steps, partially knocking into the broom leant up against the wall, it clatters to the floor loudly behind you.

Lips eyes follow your frantic movement, tracking you as you stumble past him. The broom punctuates the silence like an exclamation point and he notices your cat jumping up out of his peripheral.

He doesn't move to pick it up. Instead, he stands there, hands still in his pockets as he watches you fumble with a stack of envelopes on the counter. He sees the tremble in your fingers despite the effort to suppress it, the tips pushing deep into the thick, yellow colored paper with bold, red text emblazoned on them.

“You know, “ Lip starts, voice low and measured, “I've got a pretty good idea about what those are. “

He steps over the broom, careful not to crowd you, the air between the two of you feeling heavy and charged.

Your shoulders tense at his words, a barely perceptible flinch. For a moment, the only sound is the soft padding of your cat's paws as he slinks away.

"Yeah?" Your voice is strained, almost challenging, but there's an underlying note of relief. Of being seen.

Lip's gaze drifts from the envelopes to the deep bags under your eyes, the knit in your brow, the stain in the creases of your face, to the worn-out shoes by the door, to the empty fridge humming in the corner. He finally settles back on you, confliction in the seas of his eyes.

“Look, “ he starts, then pauses, rubbing the back of his neck. You feel him get closer to you, his warmth invading your senses at once and you have to close your eyes at it.

He takes another step, less than half, not quite touching. An invitation, not a demand.

Your fingers trace the edge of the envelope as your mind blanks, for once. The paper's supposed to be rough, you know that, but you can hardly feel it with the way your fingers have calloused with the grime and weight of construction. You battle with your instincts, not moving an inch, freezing at his non touch touch.

“I have some extra cash from–”

“No. “

It's immediate. You don't think and your body instantly makes flee from him, the sizzling of the fake fish on the stovetop re-registering in your mind.

Lip doesn't flinch, but his eyes follow you as you retreat to the stove. The sizzling fills the silence between you, a mundane sound at odds with the emotional undercurrent.

"Okay. " He says softly, his tone careful but not placating. "No money. Got it. “

He leans against the counter, giving you space but not leaving. His presence is like a gravitational pull you're fighting against.

You focus on the fish, flipping it with more force than necessary. The spatula scrapes against the pan, a harsh sound that makes you wince.

"I don't need—" You start, then stop, unsure how to finish. Charity? Help? Him? All feel like lies on your tongue.

Lip waits, his patience a contrast to your agitation. When he speaks again, his voice is low, almost confessional.

"You know, when I was at my lowest, I couldn't stand the idea of anyone helping me either. ”

There's something so melancholy in his voice, a darkness creeping into the depths of the ocean that usually swims with his gaze that draws your attention, once again, back to him and his story.

He pushed himself off the counter, coming just a little closer to you with gentle steps like he's scared to startle you into abandoning him for a second time.

"It sucked, " he goes on, "It felt like shit, it made me feel even shittier. "

Then he's behind you and he isn't reaching for you, isn't touching you and it's even more dizzying than if he just was.

You shut the burner off and slump, feeling smaller as his breath ghosts across your skin.

The fish continues to sizzle, filling up the gaps where you don't speak, almost like it's speaking for you.

He's an inferno, a personal sun, everything burns in his orbit, you're convinced.

But you don't like the heat, the tension.

So, instead, you stand straight with a grimace as you say,

"What're you here for, Lip?" You glance at the clock on your stove. "It's nearly midnight. "

His eyes trail down your neck and he says nothing.

Everything goes quiet. So quiet, that when you tilt your head away from him, you catch the cat staring blankly at the two of you with his tongue out and drool pooling on the ground beneath it.

You press your lips together as your brows, furrowed, meet the bridge of your nose with creases and wrinkles you've picked up from excessive worrying.

"Here for a hookup?" You don't face him as you say this, instead you busy yourself with retrieving a plate but fail to find a clean enough looking one amongst the pile of dishes in your sink and settle for a coffee filter instead.

"Jesus christ, Y/N. “ He leans forward so he's sure you can hear every word he says. "Stop projecting your shit onto me. "

Ouch.

Your lips purse, pulling down to a flat, disapproving line at that.

"You're an asshole. “

You place the faux fish on the makeshift plate with a slightly shaking hand and then turn to him, looking him in the eye in distraught before you're speeding past him again, to the couch to rip the blanket you've got on there back over the chipping surface before you finally land on it, slumping into the battered cushions with a huff and a deep, tired sigh that has him blinking at you.

The cat has since vacated the premises upon the third trip you made around your apartment, choosing to go do gods knows what over sitting on his owner's lap which is even more distressing than anything Lip had seen on his way over, or once he had actually stepped inside.

For a moment he stands awkwardly in the kitchen, staring at the back of your head, unable to fathom what you must be thinking, so he ponders, maybe trying to relieve some of that pressure instead.

"Why does this—" he catches his own sentence, having almost used the words "make you", and quickly removes that option from use. "How's your stress lately?" Is the question he elects to ask instead.

"Stress doesn't bother me. "

You lie, blatantly, blatantly lying.

He clicks his tongue, finally removing himself from the stagnant stance and strolling toward you.

One foot before the other, before the other, before the next and the next and the next, finally finding himself within the circle that surrounds your worn out couch.

"Come on. " Lip grunts lowly, eyeing the coffee table you're sat before that's cluttered with junk, and half gone boxes of garbage, with rags and bottles, stray pens and hair ties.

"Lip–"

"Lemme see. " He hums at the sight of an empty plate with something half burnt and some sort of vegetable fried in butter but otherwise undistinguishable. He's pretty sure he might have to scrape it off from how long it's been sitting there, hardening.

"I didn't say you could help clean my shit. " You warn him, trying to maintain a certain sort of coldness even though there was no way of disguising the way your shoulders lessened at his voice, or the way your back pushed in further in the seat.

That's okay. He liked your stubbornness more and more with each passing minute.

You kept him on his toes.

He sighs in response, mumbling out a comment he kept to himself over your unwillingness to accept some kind of help; like you were starving– dehydrated.

He kneels slowly in front of you and reaches out his hands until your body stiffens and then wilts underneath them.

For the sake of your pride and that stubborn resistance to accept any amount of comfort, or to even bring up the fact that Lip is, in some ways, your rock.

He can do that for you, he tells himself. He likes being relied on by someone.

Someone who needs him in a way you never let anyone see because you had this notion to keep it all locked away inside of you like you could be dependable, like you were all you had.

"Listen to me. " He takes the tasteless fish away from you and for a moment you look appalled and ready to snap, but then he grabs your hands from your lap and slides his fingers along your palms and the fight is gone at that instant.

Your eyes glaze, darkening the circles underneath and he can't help but tug you away from the makeshift plate, from the furniture, the piles of stuff on the ground, the stack of boxes in the corner, the scattered clothing and the woes of your life.

Before you know it, his arms are cradling you and his warmth, his body heat, his scent, it's all encompassing.

"You don't gotta be perfect, you know?"

You grit your teeth when he says this, laying limp like a baby on your half living room, half bedroom floor with your face buried against his collar as he practically lay above you, holding you.

"Stop. " You force out, then a second time and a third before you can get anything more coherent from your lips.

He quiets you each time with another and another gut wrenching statement and soon, your intensities are practically splayed out across the stained, Dollar Tree carpet.

"It's not anything I can't handle. "

"I'm sure you can– you always find a way. " He shifts a bit, but it doesn't disrupt your hold on him. "But it's okay to need help every once and awhile. It's okay. Even to ask for it. "

"Lip, I just—”

He hears the anger in your tone, and he shushes you with a coo like noise and a slight nod of his head.

"I can't find a fucking job. " You mutter a few moments later into his shoulder, where his hands had snaked up into your hair so he could run the pads of his fingers along your scalp.

He nods, sympathetic, "You'll find something. You'll figure it out. "

"What the fuck am I doing wrong?" Your fingers raise from the carpet in silent resentment as you ask this, reaching up to claw at the thin, coarse fabric adorning his chest.

"Nothing. Absolutely nothing. You're fucking great. The problem isn't you. Okay?"

"Sure, " You sigh, gripping onto his shoulders tighter, pulling his torso closer to you. "You say that because you think you'll hurt my feelings if you say anything else. "

"That's not true. " Lip snickers, sliding the hand back from where he was gently squeezing the back of your neck to play around with your hair instead. "If I was, we wouldn't be talking right now. You know?“

"Right. " You sniffle, a bit of a laugh bubbling up within the depths of your chest. "Because your heart belongs to anyone other than yourself? Doubt it. "

And the snark causes a giggle to erupt into the quiet of your little studio apartment.

You can smell him. His smell is like his scent mixed with coffee and sugar– for those Mondays when you want a treat, but are too lazy to walk the three blocks to the bakery for anything different than a cup of joe.

"Wow. " He snorts in return, resting his forehead against the top of your head where your nose met the tuffs of his curly, messy looking hair. "You're lucky I like you. "

"Uh huh. " A strained chuckle pushes past your lips, eyes sliding shut as your hands find his hips.

The sound of your heart beating in your ear is all you can hear as his fingers clasp around the sides of your face.

Everything is calming, cathartic. His demeanor is like honey; it runs down your bones, seeping into your open wounds and they begin to grow a bit plumper under the heat.

"Sometimes I just—" you pause, the feeling of his thumbs stroking back and forth across your jawline is too distracting for you to pay attention to the fact that you're trying to get your point across, "feel like there's something bad coming? Something coming for me, you know?"

"Yeah, " he blinks, hands gliding from your cheeks to the underside of your ears. "I know what you mean. "

His hands flatten, then run down until they find the collar of your shirt and a part of you relaxes as his fingertips stroke the outer lining of the stretched fabric.

"I get the same feeling too. " He adds, voice, so wonderfully low, rumbling from deep within his chest. "All the time. " He sighs quietly, rocking a bit.

"I'm gonna help you. " His eyes are dilated, even against the muted white ceiling light that hung above the two of you. You don't think twice to notice. “Get something going. Something solid. “

"Lip. " You choke a bit on the inside as he says this, turning your head to the right.

"I know you don't need it, but I want to. "

Against your better judgment, you take a dive and glance him right in his eyes and he doesn't falter.

It surprises you, then it doesn't.

A short sharp intake, air filling your lungs and Lip smiles. Just a sliver of skin at the edges of his lips. You take note of his change of expression immediately.

"When was the last time you had something actually good to eat?”

You narrow your gaze at him, ready to throw back an answer at his statement when he silences you by raising his hand up, index finger flying to shush you as he points at something past the two of you.

When you turn to look, you see your cat lapping his sandpaper tongue on your fish, seemingly enjoying it more than you had been.

"Been awhile for him too, apparently. "

You groan quietly, leaning back into him where the sound of his beating heart feels like music from some unknown realm your tired mind couldn't hope to understand.

"C'mon, " Lip nudges you gently.

"I'll get you something to eat. “

[indigos-stardust]

1, 20, and 32

Okay for #1 "The Other ONe" (I meant to write "The Other Thing" but eh.. anyways im gonna put my notes here :) I'm going to do 20 and 32 on a separate post because THERE IS SO MUCH WRITING

TW: After "And then the screaming started" There is brief BODY HORROR, ends at "reds eyes seemed to have magically cleared up"

Enjoy~ (they are bad quality-) (there is angst and identity loss, I don't know if the ending is good or bad but uh, its probably good even though it hurts?)

THE OTHER THING

what if vio got replaced by another vio and they didnt believe him

the new vio is a fake but honestly the real vio is starting to wonder if hes even the real vio he hates seeing his life stolen being told hes the fake thing NAYWAYSVJHIFS listen bruh imagine theres something or someone following u and u notice -

and then u try to get the jump on them but then theyre u and they tell u so. but the second someone gets there ur the one holding the knife and then suddenly they sound just like you and even talk and act just like you . and when ur asked questions to know who the real one is the answers are practically the same. surely zeldas magic must know its you surely she will .youre locked in a dungeon tied with magic chains

Your own family sneers at you your own face does telling you to stop your act. they know their brother, their r e al brother is okay. they dont know what theyre going to do with this thing no one talk to it and no one trust anything it says etc < 3

the other thing keeps trying to convince them and then red thinks maybe it really does think its the real vio. and even then if it didnt it didnt deserve to suffer .if they didnt know the truth he tries to make its, no his conditions better more food and so on something to keep warm more water to stay clean. even if red has to sneak the meager amount to him.

The thing tries to convince him thats hes the real one but hes not. the Other Thing tells him thats its okay that he doesnt belive him. reds heart sinks and then he spends time with his brothers. he doesnt tell them hes been visiting the other thing .they thing hes just too empathic too attatchable, soo easily manipulated... that Thing is a danger.

he talks with vio one day the conversation goes around and eventually red asks about shadow. When the other vio had talked about shadow, it was about how horribly wrenched it guilt he was .how he probably deserved this fate. he said he didnt want to tell red those things he didnt want him to get hurt from trying to empathise with him or even think about beliving him. but that he couldnt not or else hed go insane. he already was..

Vio expressed that it wasn't the best of his choices but really, how could he have actually gotten attached to him? witnessing all the horrible things that monster "shadow" did... although he supposes perhaps he had just been influenced by vios behaviour to do what he did to the cursed to mirror.. A shadow would copy anything afterall, so he probably just "subconsciously" copied a more noble behaviour. Really, shadow was,just an illusion after all.

The Other Thing is escaping. red caught him... he lets him go and covers for him... red doesnt know whats real anymore- all the meanwhile vio is living his life with his brothers . vio is enjoying his room, his home, vio is free, vio is Loved.

The Other vio says he hadnt been good enough of a brother or else they would have known it was really him. green and blue told Red to not listen to it, because that Thing must be able to sense what others anticipate since it was able to act like vio so much.

So the Other Thing lives his own life alone...

For around a year or so... and the he starts stalking them... And following them...

While the Other Thing was missing, he he studied magic. red didnt know where he went even though he was the one who helped it escape.

then the others noticed a change in red. Nightmares, anxious dread, a deep unrest, swings of isolation and clinginess...acting strange around vio. Red was probably scared the Thing would return they figured. they were going to find out what IT even was before it escaped and disappeared... they assure him that with the magic theyve set up it wont be able to replace anyone else.. red doesn't get better and he doesn't tell them what's wrong.

Red notices other small details about vio though. Little things that feel wrong, uncanny. Red doesnt say anything though. he doesnt think he likes vio anymore....

Other Thing finds them in the woods one day...

The colors had been out hunting for monsters, there'd been a lot of sightings recently.. It was a horrible day really, a bad feelling smogged the group with the gloomy skies and hardened unforgiving earth. It feels suffocating, at least to Red,

Vio feels as comfortable as ever, he assures red that everything is fine, after all, why wouldnt it be? red got to know blue and green, got to know them really and truly, they were link just as him. Vio seemed too cruel to be Link. but then again Red was too sensitive.

......

it was so quiet. the Other Thing was here. Red had seen him from the corner of his eye. Maybe it was his imagination. Hed heard about people going crazy from paranoia... especially after encounters with the otherworldly: some sort of vengeful fae spirit was usually the culprit.... it never ended well ...

the Other Thing reveals himself.

Vio is thoroughly enraged, asking how dare it come back to try to steal his life again? and announcing he would end its pathetic life right now.

its easy to tell the difference between them now. Vio is there confident and fighting for his life... for his family. hes going to end this monster thats threatened his whole world and people he cares about. green and blue are there to support him no matter what. theyll NEVER get confused on who the real one is again. Theyre Brothers after all.

Red cant breathe... after all, he hates seeing "me fight me"

( yeah I took the line from the manga fight me)

The other vio looks ragged, like hes full of true bloodlust. hes thought through all of this, mastered his trickery to target them thoroughly. Using their weaknesses against them, catching them off guard with tools they've never seen... magic they've never seen..perfectly immoblized by the paralyzing smoke.

Only Vio escape it seemingly, recognizing the toxin for what it was.vio always knew what was going on. It really was like the fire temple in a way. one link fighting the other evil link, except the real link had vios lying face- the same face he had when he had to fight green-

Green tells vio to be strong and to end The Thing right then and there no matter what !!!! and theyll be able to support him in just a second- Once the toxin wears off- Blue is cheering him on in killing that demon.

Red cant tell the difference between them anymore. its all a heated smolten blur ... He didn't realize he was crying.

The Other Thing is ragged, fractured mind- dirtied hands, bruised eyes, matted hair and death in his eyes. Then...

He chokes Vio with a chain magic, oh so similar to the ones hed been sealed in. they have to watch their brother struggle to break free... The Other Thing is inhuman, yet... his hands are getting weaker as he keeps going- fighting against Vio's struggle- never giving up- never looking back- eyes staring into the demons- The demon red believed in-

And then the screaming started, inhumane overlapping screeches of death- bubbling skin and gore, the blood melting off the distorted body that was Vio.

Reds eyes seemed to have magically cleared in time to take in the sight before him.

Then a dark static buzzes, trapped under the flesh- no the sillhouette of what used to be vio- Screaming and thrashing and then its dead and Other Vio stands, then he's fallen and sobbing-

hes so sorry hes so so sorry he shouldve been better- that the magic was a trick that took his form- he couldnt explain it to them he tried with red but put Red in danger- he knows hes the real one- please please please believe him-

Red races to him stumbling from poison or exhaustion he doesnt know- Green is sick. And Blue is the paler color of his name sake. Eyes widened and horrified. They should have listened to Red.

:) congrats! you made it to the end have some emotional support cookies! 🍪🍪🍪🍪🍪

[11queensupreme11]

Honestly I’m totally okay with Anthonius suffering in your story, cause I’m not a huge fan of his OG!character in canon at all.

Probably due to his fatal flaw. How you can develop hubris when you and your siblings are, objectively speaking, the closest to normal mortals is beyond me.

You have the Apollo kids who can emit light and heal, the Demeter/Dionysus kids who can control plants, the Hermes kids and their lock manipulation, etc. Sure their wisdom is highly enhanced, but nowhere near their mother’s, nor Albert Einstein or Tesla who as far as I know in the pjo world, are normal mortals. Anything Anthonius can do battle wise, an Ares kid can do better with the added ability of raising the losing undead and cursing your opponents weapons. And as stated, their greatest ability remains in the range achievable by normal mortals, unlike the other demigods.

Yet this dude, who by all logical means should have developed an inferiority complex as their fatal flaw than hubris, indirectly landed Percy in effin Tartarus. Yeah no, the ror!gods aren’t letting him live. The risks of him harming Percy just by existing is too high.

As for your E Coli question, has similar results happened during Fleming’s development of penicillin? (I know absolutely nothing about medical school, but I wanted to contribute)

wait..... wait omfg i never actually thought of it until you pointed it out, BUT ATHENA KIDS REALLY ARE THE ONLY ONES WITHOUT POWERS?????

damn i'd hate that 😭😭 imagine being in a camp surrounded by super powered kids and ur only ability is.... being smart 😭😭 NAH THATS ACTUALLY INSANE LMAOOOO

the worst part is that most of them don't even live long enough to reach college where intelligence starts to really matter in that stage of life airhffhgvjhs i'd be so fucking pissed 💀

[heongiu]

hiii! i loveeee ur writing! can u pls make part 2 of the james lee angst?

Thankyou for the request anon! Ahhh!! James Lee I don't know but I can never write him as well as others he's just such a mysterious character! But I'll try my best.

This is more of a past story so!

James Lee x Reader Angst part II

~~~~~

"I fucking hate you" you still stood there, yelling any type of curse you could at the pink haired man

"get her out from here, then bring her to me" He told his bodyguards to escort you out of here, because all you did was spread hate, well to him "unnecessary hate"

"Hey! Where are you taking me" the bodyguards reached for you, grabbing you and quickly moving you out of there. They brought you to an empty warehouse nearby, tying you to a pole somewhere inside there.

"What the fuck do you think you're doing?!" You yelled for help, but no one was willing to.

"James you fucking bastard" You knew he was the one who decided that you should be brought here. Maybe he had some unfinished business with you.

"there's no point in taking a revenge against me" He walked towards you, his voice echoing.

"Fuck off, I don't care what you say" You replied to him, as stubborn as ever, not backing even an inch down.

"So be it, you'll suffer eventually, just like the rest of them" He said, his cold tone sent shivers down your spine, but you could never choose to forgive him even if you were dying in front of him.

"But why did you do that to me?" You cried, your feelings taking over you. You were overwhelmed, You wish it never happened this way.

He remained silent, it was the best for him to just stay silent at your misery.

"Tell me!! Why would you do that James?... Why.." Your voice was breaking as you tried to stop your tears.

He had stomped on your heart, crushed ever piece of it and pretended as he had never done it.

What a maniac. Living in his own carefree world without any fear, sure he was the strongest you supposed.

"I want to know why you did that.." you kept questioning him, not even stopping for a second, and why should you when you had all the chance to.

"Because,"

"because what?"

"because I had loved you too"

Silence grew stronger between you both. If he had always loved you, why did he pretend to be that way?

Why did he leave you like a mess? If he really loved you.

You were untied, you stood up, facing the pink haired man, looking directly into his irises.

"and if you really loved me"

You sobbed, crossing your arms together in disappoint and anger.

"you would've never done that"

You walked away from the warehouse, still an emotional wreck from all that had happened before.

His expressions softened as he watched you leave.

~~~~~~

(Sorry for the bad writing atm I'm very busy and too worked up but I'll try to stay consistent on Tumblr with my requests!)

[neil-neil-orange-peel]

What was the rick mayall comedy with ade that rheyre two old fucks living in an apartment together... ik thats so vauge but im trying to remember the name of it to watch it again 😭 i just re watched all of tyo and neeeddd to find it again lol

Also hope your doing well its been awhile since ive been on tumblr to see or ask about ur page but i think abt u occasionally and im like yeah i hope theyre doing well keeping the tyo fandom alive

Also is there no charictor limit on these asks now????

Hi! Sorry it's taken me a while to answer this.

It sounds like you're describing Bottom, the '90s sitcom where Rik and Ade played two broadly middle aged bastards at the bottom (get it?) of society, loafing about, being pervy, and causing chaos. It isn't quite as surreal as The Young Ones, but it does feature lots of slapstick violence - Richie and Eddie have at least one very creative physical fight per episode - and there are occasions where something extra mad will happen, like the ceiling caving in, underpants being filled with custard, and fire farts (to name a few examples). Christopher Ryan also appears in a few episodes as one of Eddie's mates, Dave Hedgehog.

One of the original inspirations for Bottom was Samuel Beckett's Waiting for Godot, which Rik and Ade both loved and thought was funny. It was one of the things they bonded over at uni, and the two of them got to star in a run of it in the early '90s (again, with Christopher Ryan).

There were three series of Bottom from 1991-1995, totalling at 18 episodes. All episodes were available on Dailymotion the last time I checked - in fact, I have a post somewhere on this blog with links to them, though it may very well be outdated by now. If you have a mooch around online, you should be able to find them.

The reason I'm guessing you mean Bottom is because Richie Richard and Eddie Hitler live together in a (disgusting) flat in Hammersmith, and there are some episodes set entirely within this horrid hovel. However, Filthy, Rich and Catflap also sees Richie Rich and Eddie Catflap sharing a (not quite as disgusting) flat, but these characters were a bit younger - and, to be honest, Bottom is the more highly regarded of the two sitcoms, though I don't think FR&C is anywhere near as bad as some critics made out.

Rik and Ade made five live stage shows for Bottom (Bottom Live) between 1993-2003. In fact, the fifth Bottom Live was the last substantial work they did together. All five of these have been available on YouTube for some years, so I assume they still are. I personally just slightly prefer the sitcom (or maybe I'm just jealous I can't go and see Bottom Live 😂), and I think a general rule of thumb is the quality does decline a little across the five (apologies to my comedy gods, although I think Ade might agree with me), but they are all absolutely worth a watch. Rik and Ade break character in them from time to time, and they're allowed to say fuck.

They also made a Bottom film in 1999 called Guest House Paradiso, which features Simon Pegg. Rik and Ade play the same characters, but now they run an appalling hotel on the Isle of Wight and their surnames are different (which Ade acknowledged when I went to see him touring with his autobiography was inexplicable). The film is not for the weak of stomach, certainly not for anyone with emetophobia, and unfortunately it does suffer from the curse of most sitcom movies apart from Alan Partridge: Alpha Papa in that it doesn't quite translate. To be fair, they didn't have a massive budget, and it happened only a year after Rik's accident (they were both meant to direct it, but Ade took on full directing duties as a result of this). Still, it's not unfunny, and I think it's available on Dailymotion; if you like Bottom, you should give it a watch. I wonder what a Bottom film set in the original world of the sitcom would've been like...

I have an inking who you are, although I might be wrong. I hope you're well, anyway. 😂 I'm fine, just trundling along, coming up to my last semester as an undergrad. Tumblr may well have changed the character limit on asks, though I honestly couldn't say for sure.

Thanks for the ask!

[lowcosmic]

cosmic, dont think that is good, at least not a good idea because im suffering literaly it seems that I dont learn for my errors becouse I know that drawing kokichi for a school cómic is not a good idea.

Let me explain to you ☝️🤓 (this is going to be long as a bible probably so its not necesary to read it)

Okay so one day my physics teacher tell us to make a cómic of time travels and well I have the wonderful idea of made a complete history of that becouse I dont know why if my mind heard the word "comic" think of a complete history of the theme that is required and well I dont know what to do so i think I kokichi and shuichi why?, well becouse shuichi is a detective and kokichi a líder so i made a history of a privarse detective (shuichi) that is investigating a case of people who have disappeared for years but without leaving any trace and well he finds that the ultime time that they were seen is in the base of an organization, and like the normal person he is, he go to base to investigate but the líder appears ( Kokichi) a he just thrown him to a portal (Lol) and well shuichi appears in a ship where there is all the missing people but when he cuestión him the people just say that they have only been there 10 minutes becouse they are time traveling ande well 10 minutes at the speed of the light can means years on moths in the world and the cómic en a becouse I have only tow hours to made that and well I have to go to the profesor rate them, and well is not the best history (becouse is not even well made Lol I just like the idea) but you know what is was the worst of this, then I see how all of my classmate just make a cómic of the teacher explain the theme and like "really?" "I waste two hours of my live doing this just to watch that all my classmate are more smart and me and finish this in like 5 minutes?!" Literry if dont cry un the class if becouse in cant but this thing will probably happen the next tuesday in my englinsh class becouse dont dude that are gonna see all my classmates whit a one Page cómic made whit a Ball like principal character and like the minimun of vignettes (10) in the cómic while i have a six Page cómic whit a kokichi out of character like main character and whith a story to explain just the tradicionts Lol and that my teacher probably is going to call me "otaku" just for my style.

In conclusión dont work to hard do a thing that's not even going to be worth a point, be like classmates and not dumb like, and NEVER never use your favorite characters for cómics becouse you know what was my idea when I made the cómic it was like "Oh yes I am going to use kokichi for this becouse I am always dodoling him in my notebooks so its gonna be very easy" NO! Like drawing kokichi is easy for me yes (In fact drawing him tendés to calm me donw when I am having a break down) but color him, yes like he is blank so is not that difficult rithg? Well the only problem here is the hair, and you are gonna sea "bit is easy to why a are you saying that" Well beocaouse color kokichi hair is a curse for me, the 4 years that I have been drawing I never can color his hair rithg and its a pain that I dint consider that when I was making the comic beocaouse now im suffering doing this while propaly all of my classmates have their cómic done and are being happy :(.

Besides this I have seeing your drawing and there are pretty! So dont say that you coulnt make it :3

(And sorry for me being a little dramática maybe)

-🫧

RLLY COOL THO

and Ty , GOOD LUCK W/ UR COMIC 💕💕💕💕

( it’ll turn out amazing )

[scarfas3]

chelsea

~~~~~ 1 beauty is

WHO ARE YOU?

PICTURES LIKE SLIDES TYGER TYGER BURNIN' BRIGHT WHO ARE WE?

WHO ARE YOU? IAM IAM IAM IAM IAM IAM IAM IAM MY LITTLE OSIRUS WHO AM I?

WHO IS GOD?

WHO IS GOD?

WHO AM I?

WHO ARE WE?

WHO ARE YOU?

ALLOW THIS PAGE TO LOAD COMPLETELY

CLICK YOUR WAY THROUGH THE NIGHTMARE

there are thoughts i have, like trans lucent teardrops that picture's awful dusty..... PICTURES LIKE SLIDES WILL SLIP HIS HUNGRY GRASP i am obese with only hunger MAN I AM creature of the night, left blinded and handcuffed IT'S JUST THE BLOOD INSIDE MAKING THE NOISE HEART MY HEART I AM NOT SLEEPING the lights spin by, my mouth is open the red earth grows fat HE'S A MYTH I DREAM the lights spin by, my mouth is open the lights spin by, my mouth is open the lights spin by, my mouth is open the lights spin by, my mouth is open GRAPHICS GRAPHICS GRAPHICS

!?!IMPORTANT!?!

NO ONE IS DYING NO ONE IS DYING WHY MUST WE BE SO ENDLESSLY MYSTERIOUS TO OURSELVES? WHY MUST WE BE SO ENDLESSLY MYSTERIOUS TO OURSELVES? a deep mouth, the same eternity a sea blue shirt a forgotten lover without a skin,   that is what i am i'm a sinner the moon must be asking a riddle it's the moon that makes everything so still the god of dead bodies, mutters in secrecy, dig deep graves an abrupt display of personality lies just below the surface you don't have to go to prison to be in solitary confinement end these tidal groans, this weeping, this grief PRACTICE CHARITY, AS I WE WERE ANIMALS, SUMMER AND WINTER WAR AND PEACE, EVERYTHING IN LIFE TURNS INTO ITS OPPOSITE. HERE, AMID THE STARS, YOU CAN FIND YOUR HOME. SWIRLS OF ASTRAL DUST ENTWINE OUR BONE, STAR STUFF FROM WHICH WE ARE MADE. THIS WHEEL WE SPIN. WE ARE BODIES SPINNING IN OPEN SPACE. BROKEN BONED, I CANNOT SLIP A HAND THROUGH  THIS EXISTENCE.  SOMETHING WHICH SEEKS OUT TO BE SOUGHT. OUR LAST SAD NIGHT LOVE AFFAIR. WE ARE ALONE., AND SO VERY CLOSE.  WE SINK WIRES IN UR BRAIN. WE WATCH THE WORLD FALL DOWN. WE FALL DOWN WITH IT. AND WHEN WE'RE TOGETHER ON THE BOTTOM, I WILL ASK YOU WHAT YOU ARE THINKING.  HOLD FAST TO THIS MADNESS. IN OUR ISOLATION WE LANGUISH FOR THE MIND AND FOR THE SPIRIT: IN PENANCE, I OFFER THIS TO YOU....

OK SO LET'S BEGIN! READY,  SET,  GO!         OFF WE GO TO WITNESS UGLINESS i am in the house. i relapse, i go cold suffering............suffering and then they passed morsels of your flesh around the table and ate them how can we define ourselves like this? he stands, bloody, shaded by ivory parasols ROTATION

I THINK PAST AND PRESENT AND FUTURE IT'S THE DEVIL INSIDE seared, a pitted animal above the fire here,     where fish swarm our black death, the thin blood-cry of infants sleep my love, and let the sea sleep all asleep PRAY FOR THE DEAD AND CURSE THE LIVING

~~~~~ 2 beauty nowhere. 

BEAUTY KNOWHERE

BEAUTY KNOWHERE

BEAUTY KNOWHERE

by applying abilty to action everything is me and nothing is me THE EYE OF THE BEHOLDER GRASPS UGLINESS AND IS CONSUMED BY  ITS OWN REFLECTION..... SIR WALTER RALEIGH ONCE SET OUT TO MEASURE THE WEIGHT OF SMOKE BY SUBTRACTING ASH FROM TOBACCO AND CALCULATING THE DIFFERENCE...WEIGHING SMOKE IS LIKE WEIGHING SOMEONE'S SOUL turn something into nothing how am i to be? SIR WALTER RALEIGH ONCE SET OUT TO MEASURE THE WEIGHT OF SMOKE BY SUBTRACTING ASH FROM TOBACCO AND CALCULATING THE DIFFERENCE...WEIGHING SMOKE IS LIKE WEIGHING SOMEONE'S SOUL

all of your teeth have left pinpricks of blood down my back and down my arms THE SMOOTH WHEEL OF DISINTEGRATION WINDS IN ME AROUND AND AROUND.  I GO. UNLEARN, RELEARN A MILLION HANDS  MEET IN PRAYER AND THEIR ECHO PREPARES TO DISEMBOWEL ME.- THE TONGUE IN MY EAR HAS DRIVEN ME MAD. GAZING UPWARDS, THINKING OF THE MOUNTAIN, THEN THE BODY IS DASHED UPON THE STONES. BLED, MOANING, SILENTLY REFUSED....

here it is..... you hold yourself so young so old AND SO THE DIVISION HAS BEEN MADE

death is, itself, a dream i met an assassin tonight curl your finger and press it hard against the base of my skull, the penthouse of my spine this light, this sun, this lamp that flicker off and on, on and off

WHAT I SAW, WANDERING SHORELINES AND WOODED HILLS: THE DARKENED WIZARD, SCEPTRE IN HAND. I HEARD THE LAND GROAN.  I FELT THE GREAT TREES' BREATH SPILL OVER ME. I SAW FEATHERED ARMS MOVE, A MILLION EYES OPENING, IN WELCOME. I FELT THOSE EYES ON ME, AND I WENT MAD WITH FEAR. I HAD BEEN CAUGHT UP IN THE LABYRINTH OF ANOTHER'S DREAM: CREATING THAT DREAM AND LIVING IT FOR HIM. FOR ONE NIGHT OR FOREVER, I WANDEED A FAIRY-TALE WORLD, DISTORTED AND DARK, A WORLD OF CRESCENT TREES, WIDE HILLS AND MEADOWS, A WINDING STAIRCASE. THE SERPENT CODE COILING ITS SLITHERING TAIL... I COULD FEEL IN AN INSTANT THIS FRANKENSTEIN'S CREATURE I'D RESURRECTED, RETURN AND RAVAGE THESE TISSUES, THESE TAPESTRIES. IT WAS THE CACKLING LAUGHTER OF SOME STRANGE BIRD. AD I'D MET MYSELF IN A DREAM, AT MIDNIGHT, IN A FOREST, IN THE TREES.

SIR WALTER RALEIGH ONCE SET OUT TO MEASURE THE WEIGHT OF SMOKE BY SUBTRACTING ASH FROM TOBACCO AND CALCULATING THE DIFFERENCE...WEIGHING SMOKE IS LIKE WEIGHING SOMEONE'S SOUL BEAUTY KNOWHERE

nothing else? some other planet BEAUTY KNOWHERE BEAUTY KNOWHERE avoid animal fat.. be a slave to love.. wear your guts as garments, your brains as hair, don't be afraid of grief, don't treat people like icons, think twice fill your mouth with tiny words... a pool of blood you drown yourself in use words that mean nothing at all... turn green under starched synthetic light

~~~~~ 3 Dance

dance dance dance

and this is the valley of death, here for your amusement and abuse make myself see myself motionless, serene, sleep and dust shall marry the phoenix is dying infatuation=distortion dance dance dance

and this is the valley of death, here for your amusement and abuse make myself see myself dance dance dance

THE ACHE OF DISEMBODIED LUST DANTE'S INFERNO WITH FEMALE IMPERSONATORS

the treachery is unknown and unthinkable my desire to grow growing dance dance dance

dance like its the end of the world the arrow like a burning through make myself see myself and you too will see make myself see myself make myself see myself make myself see myself dance like its the end of the world the treachery is your innermost needs  the enemy is unknown and unthinkable fight the virus with organic cells, reprogram infatuation=distortion THE TREE, AN ISLAND, BENT OVER A LEPEROUS WHORE, HERE LABIA, NO TREASURE EXPOSED, THE GREEN MOSS, HIS DARK GRIN, THE CLUTCHES OF CATS AND CREATURES, VIBRATIONS ALL AROUND US, SWIRLS AND RIPPLES, WE CANNOT CARE FOR TODAY WE MUST DANCE AND DANCE AGAIN..... and again the words are the same, you cannot fight yourself, just wait and see..

~~~~~ 4 electric dance I BLESS YOU, ALL LIVING THINGS danceELECTRICA ELECTRICAdance danceELECTRICA

I SIT, QUIETLY LISTENING TO JAZZ PLEASE DON'T LET ME GO, PLEASE STAY WITH ME UNTIL I DIE, YOU DIE , WE DIE PLEASE DIE

/user/gatrD.GIF the oppression of heat in mid-afternoon summer days, and the splashing cleanness of electrical storms so many images, so many thoughts, so many daydreams THE HOUSE STOOD , MADE OF GRANITE AND TOWERS OF FLESH, LIKE THE SETTING OF SOME ABSURD, MAGNIFICENT PLAY.. THE BRICK FACADE WAS THE THE MELODY OF  A GRAND SONG, SWISHING ON AND BECOMING... THE TERRIFYING TRUTH, THE GRIP OF A COLD HAND ACROSS THE FRONT OF MY FACE.. I SLIP ON THE WALK..

MACHINE MACHINE MACHINE

MACHINE MACHINE MACHINE

MACHINE MACHINE MACHINE

FSDAHJNDSJDKASHW';SHJHFDSHUW

FSDAHJNDSJDKASHW';SHJHFDSHUW

JDASHW';SHJHFDSHUW

PLEASE DON'T LET ME GO, PLEASE STAY WITH ME UNTIL I DIE, YOU DIE , WE DIE PLEASE DIE

DANCE TOGETHER DANCE ALONE. WE WILL BE CONSUMED TOGETHER BY THE TERRIBLE OF LIGHTNING OF DEATH. THE LIGHTNING OF THE BRAIN  WORDS ARE MEANINGLESS  THE VOICE PATHETIC , THE TRANSLATIONS SO MUCH THE WORSE. THE WOLVES ARE OUT AND ARE HOWLING AND HUNGRY. ALL IS AN ESCAPE. THERE IS NOTHING BUT TO BE FED UPON. GIVE YOURSELF OVER TO HUNGER AND THE DANCE.

DANCE TOGETHER DANCE ALONE. WE WILL BE CONSUMED TOGETHER BY THE TERRIBLE OF LIGHTNING OF DEATH. THE LIGHTNING OF THE BRAIN  WORDS ARE MEANINGLESS  THE VOICE PATHETIC , THE TRANSLATIONS SO MUCH THE WORSE. THE WOLVES ARE OUT AND ARE HOWLING AND HUNGRY. ALL IS AN ESCAPE. THERE IS NOTHING BUT TO BE FED UPON. GIVE YOURSELF OVER TO HUNGER AND THE DANCE.

0010010101111111110000010011001010010011010010010100101001010100101001111010110010101001010010100101 010010010101010100101010101010101001010101010100101010100101010101 DANCE TOGETHER DANCE ALONE. WE WILL BE CONSUMED TOGETHER BY THE TERRIBLE OF LIGHTNING OF DEATH. THE LIGHTNING OF THE BRAIN  WORDS ARE MEANINGLESS  THE VOICE PATHETIC , THE TRANSLATIONS SO MUCH THE WORSE. THE WOLVES ARE OUT AND ARE HOWLING AND HUNGRY. ALL IS AN ESCAPE. THERE IS NOTHING BUT TO BE FED UPON. GIVE YOURSELF OVER TO HUNGER AND THE DANCE.

DANCE TOGETHER DANCE ALONE. WE WILL BE CONSUMED TOGETHER BY THE TERRIBLE OF LIGHTNING OF DEATH. THE LIGHTNING OF THE BRAIN  WORDS ARE MEANINGLESS  THE VOICE PATHETIC , THE TRANSLATIONS SO MUCH THE WORSE. THE WOLVES ARE OUT AND ARE HOWLING AND HUNGRY. ALL IS AN ESCAPE. THERE IS NOTHING BUT TO BE FED UPON. GIVE YOURSELF OVER TO HUNGER AND THE DANCE.

I BLESS YOU, ALL LIVING THINGS JDASHW';SHJHFDSHUW

PLEASE DON'T LET ME GO, PLEASE STAY WITH ME UNTIL I DIE, YOU DIE , WE DIE PLEASE DIE

my features are knives, with thorns for eyes appalled by the lightning streaks of green and gold through his electice hair, i wlak the streets.. what are you? why are you eating me? DANCE TOGETHER DANCE ALONE. WE WILL BE CONSUMED TOGETHER BY THE TERRIBLE OF LIGHTNING OF DEATH. THE LIGHTNING OF THE BRAIN  WORDS ARE MEANINGLESS  THE VOICE PATHETIC , THE TRANSLATIONS SO MUCH THE WORSE. THE WOLVES ARE OUT AND ARE HOWLING AND HUNGRY. ALL IS AN ESCAPE. THERE IS NOTHING BUT TO BE FED UPON. GIVE YOURSELF OVER TO HUNGER AND THE DANCE.

~~~~~ 5 lights of flight

usually the oceans splash open a thousand faces all at once, forms into the features of everything two voices, lulling and deafening they stand quietly before the payphone, one after another, and speak in foreign tongues.... the music i play is just loud enough to begin to drown their voices slips the money into my hand and winks she hangs the receiver back in its place, and walks out of the room lips stretched far down the ribs and torsos, twisted and kissing fingers, indistinct, like floating ghosts, issue from the caverns finn, my strangest angel at night, the thickets are terrifying ... the pretty lights run forever before they leap from the cliffs into the ragged arms of the wind, i see the odd metal rings on their fingers at night, i am king and slave, driven blind through the dead branches, through the green leaves and i hear a rustling in the woods at night, i am king and slave, driven blind through the dead branches, through the green leaves and i hear a rustling in the woods i like the pretty lights []][][]][]][]][]][][][][]][]][][][][]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]][[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[]] [][][][][][]][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][] FEED ME, I HAVEN'T EATEN IN A THOUSAND YEARS. FEED ME, I AM SO HUNGRY.

the river will never be the ocean every atom shudders as do i, suspended by my spine i will layer these pictures so that they stretch out from the abyss of dreams.... i lose myself, thinking:"what are words?" and "what am i to wonder, and to stare?"from what womb did we emerge and what world did we bring forth? --being born occurs hundreds of times in one's life, sleep, a little death, altered states and our perceptions, flowers die, but a skeletal beauty remains everything is enfolded into everything two shall become one , three four and five-being born occurs  as we occur, as we light the heavens with our fire @@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@ @@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@ @@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@############################################### #################################################################################################### ##############################################################

i believe in everything.... everything is sacred.... ibelieve in nothing.... nothing is sacred another continent, another moment.. all the world is a mountain, a silent staring mountain ON THE STREET, THE PEOPLE DO NOT SEE ME AS I WATCH

too much to forget HIDDEN WITNESS, I SEE THE THOUSANDS OF THINGS THEY DO.

i would reach the summit and submit to the sky... god is the mountain.. too high for us to scale... the base is littered with human remains..... refused... silently and patiently refused another continent, another moment.. all the world is a mountain, a silent staring mountain

i remember[]i forsee[]searching][iremember[]i see][piles and piles[]miles and miles][searching][see[]little life][see][forsee THE BEAUTIFUL LIGHTS SING TO YOU AS YOU APPROACH THE CITY. MY SHAME FAALLS DOWN. IT IS ORDINARY. HERE, IN OPEN FIELDS, WHERE WE HAVE RODE HORSES ALL NIGHT LONG. I LAY MY BODY DOWN. I HAVE CRUSHED WILD FLOWERS WITH MY WEIGHT. I SINK INTO THE GREEN OF WEEDS. THESE, MY LIPS, HAVE EATEN WORDS...

i woul reach the summit and submit to the sky my prison is myself.. " i'll give you something to cry about" my prison is this world $ $ $ $ $ $ $ $ $ $ $ $ $ $ $ $ $ $ $ my prison is myself.. " i'll give you something to cry about" bellowed dad/god while his blue neck veins popped..a lone finger follows a single, purple vein down the wrist, intent, awake, sharp as  whip you might say my prison is myself.. " i'll give you something to cry about" my prison is this world a lone finger follows a single, purple vein down the wrist i ree[]searching][ire]i see][[]mes][searching][see[]li[see][forsee][re][search][searching][see][sea][re][searching][see][res earching][see][ i remember[]i forsee[]searching][iremember[]i see][piles and piles[]miles and miles][searching][see[]little life][see][forsee it's raining in this room; washes the couch clean of memories, of passing ghosts that linger and recline..... this is why the everlasting survives death and returns to the sea.....i would reach the summit and submit to the sky... only to fall from the cliffs and be dashed on the crags below.. my prison is myself.. " i'll give you something to cry about" my prison is this world FEED ME, I HAVEN'T EATEN IN A THOUSAND YEARS. FEED ME, I AM SO HUNGRY.

~~~~~ 6 Love

THE FRUSTRATION BEGINS

crazy path that lead you here..... a place in that garden where you lay hidden THE FRUSTRATION BEGINS

THE FRUSTRATION BEGINS

THE FRUSTRATION BEGINS

THE FRUSTRATION BEGINS

COMES THROUGH THE MOUTH, WHITECAPS OF INTESTINAL FOAM- SHAKES THE BODY, MOVES LIKE SNAKE SKIN, SCALES OF THIN GOLD AND AGED METAL, THIN LIKE FILAMENTS, WIRES AND FIBRES.

THE FRUSTRATION BEGINS

THE FRUSTRATION BEGINS

THE FRUSTRATION BEGINS

SELF-CONCEPTION AND BETRAYL

THE FRUSTRATION BEGINS

SELF-CONCEPTION AND BETRAYL

can you recognize this veiled one? my sister, my brother, my mother, my father... that is where i found a flower for my loved one.. a lost boy wandering in the wood is sure to find his fear we are born, we live and we die all is not chaos

i remain a hole in the belly making squeals of delighted integration REGURGITATES AGAIN THE UNIVERSE IN ITS FULLEST

it's all just an illusion anyway i want to be a camera

to what extent do you drive yourself? the carriage and the coachman. nothing is left. your heart throbs with disgust and self-humiliation. everything lives in myth and dream... eager as you are you will never see me again... loveloveloveloveloveloveloveloveloevloveloveloveloevlovelovelovelovelovelovelovelovelovelovelovelove lovelovelov lovelovelovelovelovelovelovelovelovelovelovelovelovelovelovelo lovelovelovelovelovelovelovelovelovelovelo

AN OPAL FOR AN EYE SOME FEAR THAT QUAKES BACK AND FORTH IN THE CENTRE OF ME.... THE SKY IS VICTORY, A POEM BY SHELLY, A GLASS FULL OF BLOOD SOME CITY GONE GREY, EXOTIC CREATURES DANCING IN THE FLICKERING OF LIGHT

FOR NOTHING? AIN? AM I MAD? NOT AGAIN. NOT. PURPOSE. THIS TIME. REASON. NOT AGAIN. VAIN? PURPOSE. FOR NOTHING? loveloveloveloveloveloveloveloveloevloveloveloveloevlovelovelovelovelovelovelovelovelovelovelovelove lovelovelov lovelovelovelovelovelovelovelovelovelovelovelovelovelovelovelo lovelovelovelovelovelovelovelovelovelovelo

~~~~~~ 7 MANIPULATION

MY ARMS ARE EMPTY MY HAND STAYS STEADY I WANDERED IN THE SNOW, MY FOOTFALLS LEFT SCARS ACID IN MY BODY PRODUCES SORES ON THE TIP OF MY TONGUE THIS IS MY HEART, MY SWOLLEN, BEATING, BLEEDING HEART THE GENTLE WHIR OF WATER TURNING OVER AND OVER .... I AM BESIDE MYSELF AND I AM WET I AM EMPTIER THAN YOU realize what this is... speaks to you in hallucinogenic dream, an ivory hand that passes trough your unwashed hair kids on swingset, to lonely light of evening... and all the things i could tell you... oh, the things i'd show you a slanted verse... pentameter, rhyme and little reason I HAVE BURNED MY EYES OUT ONLY TO SEE DARK SHADOWS ON YOUR NECK devour me. i seek to be eaten. we cannot escape the apocalyse A THING THAT WEEPS IN PAIN A THING THAT WEEPS IN PAIN hideous shrill mimicry of burning men screaming GO ON, FURTHER, AND SAY WHAT YOU REALL Y MEAN.... NOW IS THE TIME 'TIS NIGHT, NOW ALL THE FOUNTAINS SPEAK LOUDER AND YOU ARE DEAFENED BY A SINGLE BEAD OF WATER SPLASHING ON YOUR SKIN A SUB-CULTURE, A STATIC MASS OF DRY LEAVES SHATTERING BENEATH CRACKED OPEN CARCASSES MY SCARRED MOUTH GRINS... IT IS A RINNG OF PURPLE BRUISES WHAT IS YOUR PSYCHOLOGICAL ANTITHESIS? SOME BEAST WITH TEETH? THESE ARMS ARE LIGHT 1234567890123456789012345678901234567890123456789012345678901234567890123456789012345678901234567890 THERE IS MADNESS EVIDENT IN YOUR ART! HELLO. YES? YOU ARE HERE. IT WOULD BE THE FEAR LAIN DOWN BEFORE THE FIRE AND BLEEDING LIKE A DOG. THEN BLOOD, ON MY LIPS, A WARM BDY WRAPPED IN MY ARMS, AN UNDERGROUND BODY , ENCASED BY SOIL, SMOKE THAT BREATHES IN FLESH AND EATS US ALL ALI

010 101 010 010 101 010 IAM AND I FEEL AND I SEE AND I THINK AND I KNOW AND I TOUCH AND I SMELL AND I TASTE AND I WONDER AND I SLEPP AND I DREAM I AM AT NIGHT YOU CAN IMAGINE THAT THE REALITY OF THE SUN DISAPPEARS FOR AN ETERNITY. IT IS JUST YOU, A HUNGRY,HOWLING WOLF AND THE PREGNANT MOON AS COMPANY.....

~~~~~ 8 moondance

dizzy i am,.......seeking myself i find one moment and then the next. i am seaweed. i am tide. this one kiss takes me on adventures i could scarcely  make sens of.  it is a damp ocean i drown in, a river of blood that smothers my lips. with one short movement you spread me, and i am partially unveilled. this one kiss you give me and i return.. the whole of me is challenged  and eners the fray. my total reality is that god was born memories dreams and reflections of myself. self-betrayl stings the most. dreams and art are not puzzles to be solved. i whisper. i silence myself. i become. i become. the whole of it is swallowed by society and time. what heights explored , to remain empty-handed, exploited, dashed down, cast out , broken in bits like primitive tools. we will live in the superstructure. we retract as we enter the cultural phase. riper than the cherry trees.relapse to command overload he has come with curling hands to heal you, he has come, broken teeth and all, to eat you.  here, he has come to take you away, wrap you up so tightly with his cloak and lead you. pale things quiver as you walk with him, side by side. unknown beasts still stalk the forests. you place your hand against a tree and sense its sap...

what is more: i cannot remeber my thughts: god of stone. the worship of rocks, mountains, sea-crags **************************************************************************************************** *************************************** **********************************************************

absent light, i unfurl dizzy i am,.......seeking myself i see blood-rimmed lips mouthing words i withdraw further... further dizzy i am,.......seeking myself dizzy i am,.......seeking myself dizzy i am,.......seeking myself find me in the garden, and please, dear, eat me alive transparent us look through the window and see your own image reflected in the glass o we split, we turn and we descend... no more light to read the words by... and so, blind to words, we stop reading and sleep

~~~~~ 9 MUTATIONS

DEATH, DEATH, DEATH, DEATH, DEATH

KILL THE MUTANT

my laissez-faire. my heart. my art EYEBROWS AND FINGERS

THERE IS NO DESTINY, NOR REDEMPTION.

I ENJOY SEEING

let this great spell i've oven come to pass.. this tapestry i've entwined: about his head, cover his face. so below i am animal and bestial, slaking this great thirst. moom, i pray you to grant me this: this night... all...everything...be..don't be..... KILL THE MUTANT

i creep and slither now i am all trembling... waiting for that kiss your time. my time i shiver in cold, like dry ice exhaling FOR I WILL NOT SEE MYSELF AS I AM NOW, AND CAN NOT SEE MY SELF AS I ONCE WAS.

DEATH, DEATH, DEATH, DEATH, DEATH

KILL THE MUTANT

I ENJOY SEEING

INTO THE CLOUDS AGAIN.... WHAT OCEAN, WHAT STAR?

OUT OF THE SEA, A DREAM OF FANTASTIC HORSES

DEATH, DEATH, DEATH, DEATH, DEATH

TELL ME IN THE LANGUAGE OF EYEBROWS AND FINGERS

YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL TO ME. YOU MAKE ME THINK OF DEATH

THE NIGHT PERVADES ME AND INFOLDS ME, I WAS PART OF THE BRIGHTNESS. IT A PART OF ME

I ENJOY SEEING

KILL THE MUTANT

DEATH, DEATH, DEATH, DEATH, DEATH

SHADOWS, AUREOLA AND MIST, THE LIGHT FALLING

SURROUNDED, DETACHED, I THE MEASURELESS OCEANS OF SPACE

thus, in symbols, everything called to me:"IT IS TIME! IT IS TIME!", but i did not hear; until at last my abyss stirred and the thought bit me.... my past broke open its grave; many a pain, buried alive, awoke FORGET YOU ARE HUMAN ALL EMPTINESS, ALL SILENCE, AND HIS TEARS. STORYTELLING ANIMAL, WAILS IN AGONY, CRIES ECHOING CRIES, TO FRAILTY. A DREAM WITHOUT SIGHT, AND ONLY THE SOUND OF WATER. THE SIN IS BURNING TO EVIL BEAUTY. IN THE ABYSS, EVEN HERE I SEE. HERE, TOO. I CARESS YOU ABSENT-MINDEDLY, LOVING YOU AS YOU CAN NEVER LOVE ME. INVIDIOUS, WHISPERED THAT THE GODS HAD SLICED YOU, THERE ARE NO EXITS. THE FOCAL POINT WAS AN ARRANGEMENT OF EYES, SO CLOSE, STARING, EXAMINING. SWELLS TO FULL. THIS ONE SPACE IN ALL THE FOLIAGE, OPEN LEAVES THAT WATCH FOREVER. SEEN IN MOMENTS, STILL AND GRAY, OUR ENGINES CARRY ON. LOST IN A DREAM, WE STIR, WE WAKE   TO FIND WE ARTE NOT VISIBLE. AND WE FALL DOWN, ALREADY CRUMBLED TO BITS, THE MURDERED REMAINS, GAGGING ON BLOOD. I SPREAD MY LEGS AND PUSH A SOFT HAND TO MY THROAT,WITNESS KNIFE AND FORK TEAR APART THE MEAT, APART AND SLICED UPON THE PLATE, DELICIOUS AND USELESS, PULLED APART UPON THE TABLE, HOLY MOUTHFUL OF ARTERY AND VEIN. BROKEN BONES ARE HEALED WITH JUST ONE TOUCH AND THE SINNER LIFTS HIMSELF TO HEAVEN. EMPTINESS AND NOTHING. THIS IS WHAT IS SACRED. THIS IS WHAT IS HOLY. SOMEONE, PLEASE, PLEASE, TAKE MY EYES.

the breaking of bones, plastered, open , upon all bureaus, the house, i see, i saw, all distorted, the night of dark, forbidden conscious things, huge, green dark, the tree, an island, ben over by the weight of ice, cats and creatures watching frome the branches, a chess board, water and alcohol, radiation and the poisons in the air,: words are meaningless my laissez-faire. my heart. my art the lines of electricity spasm, negative and positive all is an escape

~~~~~ 10 MY MASK MY BODY

mymask yourmask ourmask door, shadow from front, down, down where mists set from storm... set free this thing, bring nuance, bring light he cast down impressions of himself as so much sand mymask yourmask ourmask there is where it lies, the pain, inside pushed again, face first in amidst this all... the chin is splintered on crushed glass the cassette spins slowly to a stop....eyes blink; lips grow soiled by coffee what dream is this? whatveil, aching? i see into and am witnessed colors pulse through the veins of my lids, thin flaps that hardly guide the way. in the sky my image is captured and i pine.  i spread thin wings, i will meet you there.. the forest is made of deep red wood, all could see and did. celtic strings, played slightly, gently, touched just so tenderly. i would have wept but my tears kept catching on the  smooth hooks behind my eyes. this is the profane light. white seagulls leave dark shadows on the walls of buildings high above. i keep myself focused i keep my eyes there.

mymask speed and shadows trace pattterns on the glass and i look up to meet the eyes of the man in ble, his eyes on me, cold, puzzled. his gestures are quick and he shakes his head at nothing, says "no" to nothing  ourmask THOUGHTS STREAM BY LIKE YEARS. TIME IS GONE BEFORE YOU KNOW IT. TO BE UNCLOTHED BY THE LIGHT OF THIS COLD SCREEN. NAKED WITH WORDS AND NUMBERS TATOOED UNTO ME. IN THIS WORLD CAN YOU FIND INNOCENCE IN FLESH? DREAMS ARE DOORWAYS. CROSS THE THRESHOLD. A FEW SYLABLES ARE NECESSARY TO KEEP THE DREAM FROM SLIPPING AWAY.

A WASH OF BODIES, OF HUMAN, OF RAW THINGS, REAL THINGS AND DELUSION

in the glass i see the faces of 6 billion creatures THERE IS NO RIGHTEOUSNESS IN YOUR CONSTELLATION OF STARS. THERE IS ONLY YOUR LIGHT IN THE SKY. THEY ARE LANTERNS SET OUT TO LEAD THE WAY. A SHAFT OF SOMTHING ILLUMINATING, STRETCHES DOWN THIS LONG TUNNEL AND CONSUMES US WHOLE. THIS IS ALL.

THE CIRCLE IS COMPLETE. THE VOICE IS ALWAYS THE SAME. I SEEM MYSELF. I AM A WELL OF HEAT AND YET I YEARN, AND YET I STEAM...

inertia of cosmos, the stopped clock and me THOUGHTS STREAM BY LIKE YEARS. TIME IS GONE BEFORE YOU KNOW IT. TO BE UNCLOTHED BY THE LIGHT OF THIS COLD SCREEN. NAKED WITH WORDS AND NUMBERS TATOOED UNTO ME. IN THIS WORLD CAN YOU FIND INNOCENCE IN FLESH? DREAMS ARE DOORWAYS. CROSS THE THRESHOLD. A FEW SYLABLES ARE NECESSARY TO KEEP THE DREAM FROM SLIPPING AWAY.

mymask yourmask ourmask the things i carry, beyond these bones, the bridge i saw, the bridge between us and the void sucking us down i sit on a city bus... horrified by all that is becoming me.... i stutter, i quake the ugliness shows through in the pinched and bitter faces. sour grins with lips upturned all aching things and dark eyes search beneath the light, not simply to see, but to lok into, look through the man in blue is talking to himself now, grows quiet now and silent, begins to speak again

~~~~~ 11 NO MORE LOVE

the hole gapes wider and licks the quiet watcher but the date is written down and the file is complete. i open wide my heart to you in all i do. i mutter in lucid trance that things long dreamt of are stirrring in their liquid sleep. they are moving on the ocean floor.

hold fast to this madness. for it is onlly truth that matters. and so in isolation i languish for the mind and spirit. in penance, i offer this to you. i am a dragon. i am a spider. i am a woodsman. this riual of myth. it opens the door. it passes through, outside, inside.

i dreamed i cut my wrist somehow and blood gushed out like a waterfall. i dreamed  a weathered leaf that was a worm. i dreamed you were asking me to give you my pennies.  i dreamed about monte carlo. i dreamed  of a swimming pool around a fountain, or maybe a flood, orange, yellow colors. i dreamed about driving in a fast car. i dreamed about talking to a guy in a bar. i dreamed of palace music

clusters of bodies, arms twisted and spreading legs, shining blue,  shining light... i dreamed about kai doing something bad. i dreamed about being in alaska. i dreamed  i was going to get some time off to clean up two very cluttered rooms. i dreamed something about puzzles, as if dreams were peices of a puzzle, like some sprawling, mystical jigsaw. i dreamed i was dead and ressurected..

how far does one reach with his mind? with his hands and his soul? how far can one see into the other? and when i look at you, your bent arm , your tousled hair, do you think i only see flesh and bone and hair and teeth? are e bodies with souls or souls with bodies? blue eyes crumble, become icicles that would stab out your mouthand you forehead....... THE SMOOTH WHEEL OF DISINTEGRATION WINDS IN ME. I AM EXTINGUISHED BY THE PASSING OF TIME. UNLEARN, RELEARN.  NO ONE KNOWS WHO I AM, BUT I RECORD THE SLY VOICES, ANYHOW. I REPLAY THEM. THEIR WORDS ARE LINED BY STATIC AND GREY NOISE. I AM A PART OF THE SHINING TREE, LIKE A LEAF PREPARING TO FALL, OR A SEED TO HATCH. I WASTE MYSELF IN THEIR BROAD LAUGHTER. A MILLION HANDS MEET IN PRAYER, AND THEIR ECHO PREPARES TO DISEMBOWEL ME. IN SECONDS. ALL QUESTIONS SEEK THEIR ANSWERS

we would see a million eyes blinking at us and cast down impressions.........the sombre stillness invades, reaches deep into each of us....if i could weep for all these mortal disputes,................................................if i had tears to offer don't dream of anything         don't go..............come to me..........................................................................to me the blossom that had pulled your wideplant down to the carpet has been snipped free. its petals have tuned in to meet meet one another, turn inward, go purple, go black. it is a  thin dark fist that resides on the countertop.                                                     i smell pale death in your kitchen..

you tounge in my ear has driven me mad.. i sunk down deeper in the bog and dreamed of sinking in forever. i push my head into the pillw. you push deeper into my skull. i see things in epileptic spasm. your smile is thirsty, hungry dog. you succeed. you win. i melt in a pool of sweat. i lick it in and i am absolved. from the inside out.

the moon is waxing the hanging plant is silhouetted i am sitting aloone i wonder why i touch your shoulder i hold myself i take a deep breath i dive in  i see through the wall your skin, my eyes   iwiil not travel further as i know how this will end i empty my thoughts upon the page i won't watch television any more i don't have to wonder why anymore i excuse myself to use the washroom i wash my hands my face is flusheed and i am tired no more

his skin not so tight not so soft anymore and me holding and carressing it i am dreaming offarawy places and faraway lovers ,  non-existent friends and monsters who would eat me whole if i owned a gun i would turn it on myself and so i am gunless  soon i will float to the surface and i will float there under the moon until i amsnipped free from the umbilical cord that  connects my solar plexus to th moon. help me free.... i will swim up to you and drown in your white light.....

if you can eclipse me, well, then you're quite welcome to it.....my thoughts wither because they are so old and to think, i never loved you , inever even knew what love was. silk and amphetamines. there is your answer. far in the paragraphs of unread books. no one knew who they were. a quiet man sits quietly. you don't want them to talk to you. you don't want to take your part. no medicine can preserve us. i can see the fear in your eyes, in certain eyes i meet. my childhood is created. the wheel is turning, creaking, spiralling. my tiny black hand seeks you out in the dark. my monsters, my inheiritance have eaten you up. and i am utterly destroyed by you. now i will forget that i was ever here. i forgive you. i love you. tiny fists and helium. we drift like smoke. we run through one another. our fingers and our eyes have entwined. in night the moon gives birth and nightmares stamp out time on snare drums. there is a single purple bruise on your lip. in time, with time, the room revolves

in the creative wind incredible cosmic command to sever- disjoin and break apart .... in each other that is where we find our mothers, our fathers all our pictures of real and unreal things: eyes, head, hands ,hair, teeth and so on their images have only been acquired through language SLAP MY ARM

the vortex opens and we are drawn to desert lands that blew away aeons ago

~~~~~ 12 PERMUTATE

there were smooth stones along the shore, rounded stones we hid beneath. the sea breathed out salt and we were sick with mouthfuls. there is the island, so haunting, so mystical across this gulf. the mountains hold aloft the snow, oh the weight of these snows

snow and rain and sun and wind and cold breath turning into mist as it leaves the mouth everything you see here is a dream i have long ago grown sick of, snow and salt and wind and sun

his voice is crystal, broken sideways, this and that, a thousand words, spoken at once, a million throats all saying one word, in unison, in terror the neck stretches to accomodate, to fit through waves, and men and areoplanes, to fit through beasts and weapons and death..... all gods squeak, now silent against the backdrop of their own echo, silent now, silent still you see and say in twilit cabins all you ever felt you must, and say again how you would howl , rage unbent against the iron gateways, shake and rattle violently, thrusting ever against the metal, falling down , blood on the stone in time, in night wings with feathers cut through the air. they slap against arms, against shoulders, partng they are gone with backward glances that leave scars around the eyes

you turn on me . i see fear and contempt on your face. only, i am the waves on this ocean. i am the ocean i am the salt. i am a collage of cut-up images. pieces of things that fit snugly together

SEE-THROUGH SKINS WE WEAR LIKE LINGERIE. THESE PRETTY FOLDS AND FLAPS OF SKIN. REACT AND INTERACT. THE CREDIBLE SUSTAINS AND FALLS LIKE SMALL SLIVERS OF MIRROR, EXPLODING FROM THE WALL

battling destiny, crimes and ruins, violate, over-ride, yet ruled by much stronger hands battling destiny, crimes and ruins, violate, over-ride, yet ruled by much stronger hands battling destiny, crimes and ruins, violate, over-ride, yet ruled by much stronger hands you may die... you may live..... but only once, you say, to be that poetic thing you dream of, that sweet and beautiful creature MY LIFE IS LIVED IN FEAR OF MIGRAINES I Can'T FIND ANYTHING AT NIGHT AND SO I WILL FINISH LOOKING FOR ANYTHING ANYMORE ALL IS AS IT WAS ALWAYS MEANT TO BE. IN FIELDS OF CORN THERE ARE CIRCLES OF CHAOS AND MISUNDERSTANDINGS. THE SCARECROW SEEKS A FIRE TO LIE UPON. BLIND INTELLECT HE IS CARVED IN WIRE AND THE DRIED HUSKS OF OLD PLANTS HE SMOULDERS. HE BURNS SO WELL  NEVER IN LIFE IS THE ONE SOUGHT AND NOT THE OTHER THE TREES KNOW THE TRUTH. THEY HAVE WATCHED FOR THOUSANDS OF YEARS, MOTIONLESS WATCHING. TELL ME I AM IN NEED OF AN ANSWER. I THROW IT ALL AWAY  AND RETURN HOME MY LIFE IS LIVED IN FEAR OF MIGRAINES I CNA'T FIND ANYTHING AT NIGHT AND SO I WILL FINISH LOOKING FOR ANYTHING ANYMORE

and he scoops dry dust, quickly, in handfuls,, casting it backwards both brothers stained with blood mad for attack, ecstatic in rage, these stunning blows, pounding in the storm, cut dow, both killers, and dead so fiery- to suffer this sleep, sound jailer............................................enough, this will be well

~~~~~ 13 ROTATION

BE CAREFUL BEWARE ROTATION ROTATION

ALL THE ANIMAL GODS WEPT  FOR AN INSTANT anD BEGAN TO CHANT. SOME LOW SONG , LIKE THE BAYING OF WOLVES, THE PURR OF CRICKETS AT NIGHT . THEY WHISPER SUCH GORGEOUS STORIES. CAN THE SPIDER LIVE THE DREAMS HE SPINS? OLD MEN DIE, ATTACHED TO MACHINES THAT FEED ThEM AND KEEP THEM BREATHING.

beware the jabberwock my friend the world is nothing but a mad poet's dream, the creation of a synthetic mind, like an organic computer running endless programs, always programs beware the jabberwock, my son , the jaws that bite, the claws that catch! beware thejujub bird, and shun the frumious bandersnatch! I FIND ONE MOMENT AND THEN THE NEXT. WE MEET AND FINALLY KISS, KISS FOREVER, KISS AGAIN.

in the blue i see her reflection so many faces.... so many lives.... i wail like the wind as i approach the city and i am oblivious, uninterested........ I SLIP INTO MONOLOGUES. I QUAKE WITH FEAR. THE PATH IS ALWAYS CHANGING.BUT YOU STICK HERE, INSIDE ME AS I VOYAGE. WE WERE LOOKING FOR THE TRUTH. BUT WE WERE LIKING THE LIES AS WELL. WE'VE MET BEFORE. IT IS NOT MY HEART I'VE GIVEN YOU, BUT MY FURY AND MY SHAME. THERE WERE THINGS I WAS JUST TOO FRIGHTENED TO TELL, AFRAID BECAUSE IN WORDS THOSE THINGS WOULD BECOME ALIVE..

THE EYES, THE EYES GIVE IT ALL AWAY. THE GAP BETWEEN THE LIGHTNING AND THE THUNDER IS CLOSING IN. THE FLOD SWELLS IN YOUR CLOTHES. WE ARE DELIVERED ONWARD. I SUFFER NOW BECAUSE I HAVE LIVED A NIGHTMARE FOR YOU, DREAMED YOUR DREAMS. THE RAIN HAS NO END; IT CANNOT BE FRAMED, IT HAS NO PEDESTAL. OH, THE MYTHS DO EXIST, AND YOU HAVE BAPTIZED AND DELIVERED ME

I FIND ONE MOMENT AND THEN THE NEXT. WE MEET AND FINALLY KISS, KISS FOREVER, KISS AGAIN.

THERE WAS NOTHING ....           THERE WAS VOID AND I WAS FLOATING ON THAT GREAT LAKE THERE WAS ONLY DARKNESS; ONLY THE ABSENSE OF LIGHT AND I DREAMED THE HUM OF ELECTRICITY, AN OUTSTRETCHED DREAM OF SYNAPSES FLASHING ON A GRAY MARBLE SKY. ONCE I WAS A GOD, A TITAN TOWERING ABOVE THE SEA. IN THE VAST MOTHER OF OCEAN I WILLED LIGHT AND SAW LIGHT: SUNLIGHT PASSING THROUGH THE FLESH. I WAS MADE IN MY OWN IMAGE. I WAS SELF-AWARE, AND I SPOKE: "I AM CONSCIOUS. I AM." I WAS INFORMATION ENCODED ON CIRCUITRY. THERE WAS ONE DOOR AND ONE STRANGE LIGHT.... LIKE STATIC. THE WAVES LAP UP AGAINST MY NEWBORN HEART..... THIS IS THE FINE MACHINE I'VE CREATED. THIS IS THE MIRACULOUS, THE STRANGENESS OF BEING. THIS IS THE RUSHING, RACING, RAGING MACHINE. IT SPEAKS INSECT WORDS, IT SINGS LIKE UNTO AN ANGEL: ITS VOICE IS MY OWN.

students confuse teachers*********************lovers with confused hearts confuse lovers with clear ones I WILL ALWAYS REMEMBER HIM AS A UKURANIAN PRINCE. NOT THE AMBLING TROLL, HIS SHADOW SELF. TOGETHER WE WERE TITANS FOR A TIME, BUT TOGETHER WE WERE DEMONS AS WELL. I BLINK AND SEE THE OUT-LINED PATTERN OF VEINS SHOOTING DOWN MY FACE AND THROAT

BE CAREFUL BEWARE BE CAREFUL AND AWARE cries the cage door, revealing:..................................................... i lick and carress the hand that bites the pools have become subtle mirrors, and the surface suspends the image, the opposite. in the middle, between reaction and stimulus, there is the awakening........ THE MACHINE THAT SPEAKS IN MY OWN VOICE

~~~~~ 14 SATURN

taste this frenzy and this fear, i am made of ashes, i see through walls, so suffers the heart in me deathstrokes, uprooted, spurned and trampled underfoot frenzy and fear ......guilt upon him and on me how easy it is to grow angry at the land.... it is to breed cancer, the leafless, the barren ///////////////////////////////////endless nights//////////////////////////////////i pace the floor/////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////// //////only to discover///////////////////////i am watched/////and witnessed the lethal tide, gropes to cure, the drgs, sunlight, underground, still unborn i coil him roud and round and at each stroke, he cries in agony..... frenzy and fear golden his lif long, and drowns unwept, unseen carry home my ashes... i am in the house a dynasty of air, and burdened with a heat for him that never subsides, these stars frenzy, choral shining and fear, a beacon proclaims a flare.......torchlit, thrown.... frenzy and fear i lie awake for years, in weariness

S IS FOR SPACE TALLY HO

~~~~~ 15 save me sum

the way to enlightenment is the middle path between extremes yes, poor child, the giant has awoke.... i stand still for hours on end i could feel the pictures beginning to develop on my chest and thighs yellow, amber, my skin has turned translucent, like glass, amber, yellow it is in a dream that i am set free to pursue a dragon, to let the shadow chase me..... i have gone invisible. and then i turn into a nebula.... the red dwarf is kissed by disintegrating lips and slinks into the words again...... my mouth feels funny....

my mouth is insubstantial. it opens and it closes. this, your ear, is a bright flower i hold close to the lips. isee dew, tiny droplets, on tiny petals. all has gone orchid. all is orchid..... the middle path between extremes is sordid now, lying twisted in my stomach, and your tongue flickers in the dark it is in my hands that i hold your lungs, and i breathe, i exhale the colors of rainbows and flowers... now the mountain sleeps and snow is silent, is still, blanketing the peaks..... the explorers found the frozen monster, found it lurking in their own hearts in sight of the axis mundi, the religious experience, the tree of knowledge, he is fed by the fruitsof his own experience, he is made aware..... i whirl about in your winds...here, on this blanket, beneath these trees.  i spread my heart in shade............................as i am silently unfolding myself, i see that you are weeping... i see that years have passed, and fresh fruits have blossomed above us....

the middle path********************meet the way with your open eyes the way to enlightenment is the middle path between extremes we have found the enemy.... and it is us... please don't turn a deaf ear to the noises you hear MOVE ON

~~~~~ 16 S IS FOR SPACE

0101010101010101010101010101010101010101010101010101010101010101010101010101010101010101010101001010 10 0101010101010101010100101010010100101001001001010010101001010101001010101010100101010100101010101010 1010100101010110101001010101001010101 1001010101010101001010100101001010101001010101001001010101010010001010100101010010100101001010101010 010101010101010010101 0101010101010101001010101001010101001010101010101001010101010100101010101010101010101001010101010101 010100100100101010100101 0101010101010101010100101010101010100101010101010100101010101010100101010100101010101010101001010101 0 0010110101010010101010100101010101010010101010010101010101010010101010101001010100010110010 0101001010101010100101001010101010010101010101011111010101010010101010010100100101 010110010101010100110100101010010101010010100100100101010010100101010010101010010101010 010101010100101010101010010101010010101010010101001010100101010101001010100101010101 01010101010010101010010101010011010010101010101001010101010010101010100101010100101010101001 010101010101010101010101010100101010100101010101010100101010110101010101 10010101010100101010101001010101010101001010101010101001010101010101 010010100101010101010010101001010101000101000101111100010101001 01010101001010101001010101001010010101010010101010010010101001 10010101010010101010101010101010010101010101010010101 010101010101001010101010101010101010101001 0101010101010101010101010101010101010101010101010101010101010101010101010101010101010101010101001010 10 0101010101010101010100101010010100101001001001010010101001010101001010101010100101010100101010101010 1010100101010110101001010101001010101 1001010101010101001010100101001010101001010101001001010101010010001010100101010010100101001010101010 010101010101010010101 0101010101010101001010101001010101001010101010101001010101010100101010101010101010101001010101010101 010100100100101010100101 0101010101010101010100101010101010100101010101010100101010101010100101010100101010101010101001010101 0 0010110101010010101010100101010101010010101010010101010101010010101010101001010100010110010 0101001010101010100101001010101010010101010101011111010101010010101010010100100101 010110010101010100110100101010010101010010100100100101010010100101010010101010010101010 010101010100101010101010010101010010101010010101001010100101010101001010100101010101 01010101010010101010010101010011010010101010101001010101010010101010100101010100101010101001 010101010101010101010101010100101010100101010101010100101010110101010101 10010101010100101010101001010101010101001010101010101001010101010101 010010100101010101010010101001010101000101000101111100010101001 01010101001010101001010101001010010101010010101010010010101001 10010101010010101010101010101010010101010101010010101 010101010101001010101010101010101010101001 0101010101010101010101010101010101010101010101010101010101010101010101010101010101010101010101001010 10 0101010101010101010100101010010100101001001001010010101001010101001010101010100101010100101010101010 1010100101010110101001010101001010101 1001010101010101001010100101001010101001010101001001010101010010001010100101010010100101001010101010 010101010101010010101 0101010101010101001010101001010101001010101010101001010101010100101010101010101010101001010101010101 010100100100101010100101 0101010101010101010100101010101010100101010101010100101010101010100101010100101010101010101001010101 0 0010110101010010101010100101010101010010101010010101010101010010101010101001010100010110010 0101001010101010100101001010101010010101010101011111010101010010101010010100100101 010110010101010100110100101010010101010010100100100101010010100101010010101010010101010 010101010100101010101010010101010010101010010101001010100101010101001010100101010101 01010101010010101010010101010011010010101010101001010101010010101010100101010100101010101001 010101010101010101010101010100101010100101010101010100101010110101010101 10010101010100101010101001010101010101001010101010101001010101010101 010010100101010101010010101001010101000101000101111100010101001 01010101001010101001010101001010010101010010101010010010101001 10010101010010101010101010101010010101010101010010101 010101010101001010101010101010101010101001

use your words well and discourage the darkness

i caper on a blanket for you. i twist my wrists up in love for you. in time my mouth will open under miles and miles of rushing tides, all just for you

~~~~~ 17  slowly, darling

/Pheonix12.jpg

Awake, dearheart...............................awake

I'M LOSTI'M LOST . I'MLOST I THINK TO MYSELF "I DON'T BELONG HERE." INSPIRED REMARKS ARE MEANINGLESS, LEAVING ME SAD AND CONFUSED. I SEEK SOLIDITY: SOMEONE TO CARE FOR; TRUE EXISTENCE. MY SKELETON BONES LAY CRADLED IN A SHELL OFLEATHER. THOUGHTS INSIDE. I SWIM THROUGH VAGUE THOUGHTS, TRYING TO DISCERN MYSELF. IN A DREAM I COULD LOVE AND BE LOVED. IF ONLY I COULD  DREAM MYSELF AWAY TO THE SERRATED EDGES OF SHARP WORDS. BODY WRAPS AROUND COLD GLASS AS FROST PAINTS A LIE.. I UNDERSTAND EXACTLY WHAT THE SICKNESS IS, HOW TO FIGHT IT, NEUTRALIZE ITS CANCEROUS TOUCH. I'M LOST. I'M LOST. I'M LOST.  I DESPISE MYSELF AND MY OWN WORDS

I GIVE MY BODY TO BE BURNED. I DO NOT WANT MYSELF. I PART THE TIDES.

THERE IS BEAUTY IN SOMETHING AS LITTLE AS A NAPKIN SKETCH, IN A LITTLE PAIN BELOW THE KNEE, IN SLEEP. SPIDERS HAVE SPUN WEBS TO CATCH MY FACE AS I PASS. SOME UNDEFINED ENORMITY. YELLOW, HIS EYES SEEMED, AND FLICKERING. A BURNING SIAMESE SMILE THAT STRETCHES OPEN MOUTHS, JOINED, PERFORMING TOGETHER..

things that slip mercurial, always tapping, bullets pelting the metal exterior. there is one wisp of cloud, it descends; it is a wrinkle around the eye. i try hard to recall a dream, only to realize that i am still in it. i am dreaming every move i make....

groovy

Awake, dearheart...............................awake

~~~~~ 18 STAR CUBE

don't be a square

I HAVE STRUGGLED THIS WAY AND THAT IN MY SLEEP. MY ATTENTION HAS REVOLVED AND FOUND NEW SPACES, THE PROFOUND REELS OF FILM, FOREVER ON THE FLOOR. WE FIND MANY COINCIDENTAL THINGS. THEY LEAD US ON OUR STEADY WAY. EVRYTHING IS TRAGIC AND EVERYTHING IS LIGHT, STAR, SUN AND MOON..

THERE IS ONLY THIS TO REMEMBER: THIS POINT ON THE CROSS WHERE OPPOSITES ARE RECONCILED. THE CENTRE IS TO FIND THAT THERE IS NO TOMORROW OR YESTERDAY.YHE SACRIFICES OF HEAVEN AND EARTH. ONE YING AND ONE YANG. THE DUMPSTER, THE OVER-TURNED TRASH, THE GLASS, THE BARN AND YOU.. THE COMBINATION OF ALL TIMES AND ALL PLACES AND ALL THINGS don't be a square they are not dead

be the wall they are not dead

c'mon let's go skinny-dippin' ~~~~~ 19 SWAM ALL NIGHT

00000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000 11111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111 00000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000 00000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000 11111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111 00000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000 00000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000 00000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000 11111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111 00000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000 00000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000 00000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000 00000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000 11111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111 00000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000 00000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000 00000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000

CONSTRUCT......................even as i wait, i construct. this one god, time my bound feet quiver.. my scarred mouth grins, another ring of purple bruises 00000000000000000000000000 00000000000000000000000 00000000000000000000000 00000000000000000000000 00000000000000000000000 00000000000000000000000 00000000000000000000000 00000000000000000000000 00000000000000000000000 00000000000000000000000 00000000000000000000000 00000000000000000000000 00000000000000000000000 00000000000000000000000

00000000000000000000000000 00000000000000000000000 00000000000000000000000 00000000000000000000000 00000000000000000000000 00000000000000000000000 00000000000000000000000 00000000000000000000000 00000000000000000000000 00000000000000000000000 00000000000000000000000 00000000000000000000000 00000000000000000000000 00000000000000000000000

turn the Many into One 00000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000 11111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111 00000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000 00000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000 11111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111 00000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000 00000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000 00000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000 11111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111 00000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000 00000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000 00000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000 00000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000 11111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111 00000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000 00000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000 00000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000

i know and i don't know and so, to climb deeper down this slide of color means isolation, means death...

CONSTRUCT......................even as i wait, i construct. YES THERE ARE BRIDGES

CONSTRUCT......................even as i wait, i construct. 010100101010100101010101010010101010101010101010101010101010101001001010101001101010101010

my bound feet quiver.. my scarred mouth grins, another ring of purple bruises ##########%^%^%^$$%&$%*&%%^($%#$%$%^#$^#$^#%^#^#$#$$##########%$%&&%&^&%&^%$%$%#$$#$^#^$^$^$#

~~~~~ 20 THISCHARM

you wake up angry and 'm bewitched infatuation equals distortion. beautiful and perverse, green bottles the sun passes through, heart of the enormous flame. you are unselfish in all your beauty. hold me down so i may breathe. stapled to a be, bleeding on white sheets. innocence, like the son of some obscure virgin.  if i am a criminal then let me crawl. a perfect puzzle piece..

in whose heart have you gone blind? i won't drown you, i swear. and i am shaping everything that is happening around me. this is my vast and dripping wound. this ache, this place without you. autumn trees on a black and white screen. keep my secrets. never tell..

FREED FROM THIS PRISON, SUCH A SHAME. TIRED AND CRAZY AS YOU ARE. A GUITAR, A STAR, A MERMAID, STRANGE PHILOSOPHICAL QUANDARIES. FREEDOM AND FREE WILL. HOW YELLOW YOU GO AT THE HEART OF THE FLAME. SEE THINGS YOU ARE FATED TO SEE. HYPNOTIZED BY JEWELRY, FALLING WAITING ON THE GROUND AGAIN

the elderly practice tai-chi ine park. a red night, illusions isee through and i hide

people i meet and secrets i hide, great god of the sun: answer this prayer

sadness and a bridge over the river......................i will wait to join you in the tides.......... i'll wait for you like a plastic tree in a crowded room here, hold this constellation a window you look through...........a song of songs everything happens. standing i say before a full length mirror, a triangle of 9, 6, 3. all of our deeds words, actions, thoughts, feelings convictions and habits are the result of external influences.  everything happens, moving, instinctive, sexual, our language is of symbol and myth and culture, the illusion of unity?  forget about love and look for direction, everything attracts or repels, my sleeping psyche emersed in dream.

death by missionary position..........nothing emerges................nothing is there death by missionary position..........nothing emerges................nothing is there death by missionary position..........nothing emerges................nothing is there the thin twisted fabric of my reality rattles and spits......it is a hunger hiding in the pantry a flickering thing.....cold outside......as i rearrange, but not enough to go mad my dear i would ring you twice and if you answer i'd make my way through the night

~~~~~ 21 TWILIGHT FIELD

I DIE. YOU DIE. WE DIE DEATH DEATH DEATH

I DIE. YOU DIE. WE DIE DEATH DEATH DEATH

I DIE. YOU DIE. WE DIE DEATH DEATH DEATH

god sets up the illusion to greet us /user/anima2.gif +=+=+=+voice---------is not mine a host of living bodies I DIE. YOU DIE. WE DIE DEATH DEATH DEATH

FEAR NOT WEARY TRAVELLER NO WRY FACE GLIMMERS, NO DRY PLACE ENGULFS. THIS WASTELAND IS A HEART'S THRONE UNVEILED.

magic words 45 minutes i wait. an unusual light enters eyes and sees broken faces alone, sees and moves an engine on its hearing, black birds beckon and this dark figure moves along this thin beach, broken things, spoken rot, sounds and brain images

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- a demon in the skin, writing words in my blood, whispering silent curses find the way into the inner circle gentle, like glass, and so i open...

~~~~~ 22 vb662

SAY SOMETHING INDISTINGUISHABLE

$$      $$$$$$E      $$$$$$>      $$$$$$      '$$$$$$      9$$$$$$      $$$$$$E      $$$$$$$     "$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$E    *$$$$$$$      $$$$$$E      $$$$$$>      $$$$$$      '$$$$$$       9$$$$$$      $$$$$$E      $$$$$$$     $$$$$$$$*"#$$$$$$$$$E    '$$$$$ $$      $$$$$$E       $$$$$$>      $$$$$$      '$$$$$$      9$$$$$$      $$$$$$E      $$$$$$$     $$$$$$$P     9$$$$$$$E    '$$$$$ $$x. > $$$$$$>.? :-'$$$$$$>-> >+9$$$$$$ >>.~  $$Ef-.-. >:+. - >+      $$$$$$   `   '$$$$$$      9$$$$$$      $$$$$$E      $$$$$$$     $$$$$$NWWWWNW@$$$$$$E    `$$$$$ $$       $$$$$$E      $$$$$$>      $$$$$$            $$$$$$      ~` !''$$$$$$>-!'>!9$$$$$$''~!'~$$$$$$$!   \! $$$$$$$-~       $$$$$$   `` '$$$$$$      9$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$     $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$?"!~X!''>!9$$$$E    '$$$$$ $$      $$$$$$E      $$$$$$>      $$$$$$       '$$$$$$      9$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$     $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$E    '$$$$$ $$ .     $$$$f``    . `($$$$      .$$$$$$...    $$$$$$  .  .$$$$$$$$$$`~!``````(     `````````)9$$$$$$$$$$$$`(```(``((`. .. `````$$eeeWee$$$$beeeeeeeeee$$$$eeeeeee$$$$$$eeeeWee$$$$$$eeeeee$$$$$$$$$$eeeeeeeeeeeeeeebeeeeeeeee@ $$$$$$$$$$$$e+===meeeeeeeeeeeeeee

share your hatred for the most despicable species on the planet a blue tower, red wine, a sword my body speaks to me from the inside out

~~~~~ home

///////////////////hell just like small animals, you offer yourself up as sacrifice hello...................................nice to meet you

WELCOME TO MY WEBSITE HAVE FUN BROWSING THE PAGES AND LINKS WITHIN PLEASE ENTER BELOW

a shaved head; ten reflections in a mirror solid lifeforms turn to energy solid lifeforms turn to energy crumble into nothing crumble into nothing BEAUTYISBEAUTYKNOWHEREELECTDANCEELECTRICADANCEFUNCTIONSLIGHTSOFLIGHTLOVEMANIPULATIONSMOONDANCEMUTATI ONSMYMASKMYBODYNOMORELOVEPERMUTATEROTATIONSATURNSISFORSPACESLOWLYDARLINGSTARCUBESWAMALLNIGHTTHISCHAR MTWILIGHTFIELDVB662 ENTER AT THE VERY BOTTOM OF THIS PAGE

BEAUTYISBEAUTYKNOWHEREELECTDANCEELECTRICADANCEFUNCTIONSLIGHTSOFLIGHTLOVEMANIPULATIONSMOONDANCEMUTATI ONSMYMASKMYBODYNOMORELOVEPERMUTATEROTATIONSATURNSISFORSPACESLOWLYDARLINGSTARCUBESWAMALLNIGHTTHISCHAR MTWILIGHTFIELDVB662 beeswax be careful what you wish for some dark parade god's an astronaut

i will go mad with lust and fear MY WORK IS A REACTION TO ART, NOT ART OF ITSELF... AND BEHIND A CLOUD OF SMOKE THERE IS LITTL TO INFLUENCE OR ENDURE.. THERE ARE ISANDS AND TREES LIKE DANCING WHORES... I WOULD WORK TO FREE IT OF CLUTTER, FREE OF GARBAGE, ALL THE JEWELS OF TRASH. HER VOICE IS ALL ABOUT ME, SO CRISP AND LIGHT, LIKE A SWALLOW'S OR A DOVE'S. SHE WOULD LIFT HERSELF FROM THE GRIME OF THE SHEETS, JUST TO TOUCH THE WALL, OR SEE THE CEILING FROM A DIFFERENT PLACE. ALWAYS SINCERE AND SO POLITE.

SURGE LIKE A LEAGUE OF SOLDIERS, THEIR SWORDS BEFORE THEM, FORCED DOWN AND RAISED SLOWLY AGAIN, STEP BY STEP. AMIDST THESE ILLUSIONS OF GRANDEUR, THIS IS THE DISEAE THAT PLAGUES THE SYSTEM, THIS IS THE HAND THAT STRIKES YOUR CHEEK. NO FALLEN ANGELS PRAY LIKE THIS, IN THE COMA OF WINTER. HANGS AS SUCH, LIKE A SPIDER ON THE GALLOWS... IN THOSE DARK WOODS, IN THAT DARK PLACE.. HOLD ON NOW, TO THOSE TIMES, THEY ARE WHITE FACES BEHIND PALE HOODS, BLACK EYE-SLITS, NARROWED TO SEE. I CAN'T STOP FEELING SICK.........

solid lifeforms turn to energy..............repeat and energy becomes alive just like small animals, you offer yourself up as sacrifice the world is solid, for a brief while ............. lifeforms turn to energy, and move synaptic, through the maze........ i will not go mad ......... i am not filled with lust and fear beeswax i am mad with lust and mad with fear:  the monster eyes that see through me are a reflection of my own you offer yourself  like an animal, you are upon me and you feast i sacrifice myself 01010100101010 hellohellohellohelolhellohellohellohellohellohello hellohellohello hello 100101001010010101010100101001100101010110100

lifeform become energy he fashions himself a shaved head; sees his ten reflections in a mirror, and weeps that Shiva took his eyes......... repeat, become energy..............repeat, become alive please enter the site here

[daisychainsandbowties]

how did you figure out that you’re nonbinary and that you specifically use they/them pronouns? /genq

oh okay so figuring out gender was a ‘casper is stupid for 17 entire years’ situation.

i basically came out of the cradle insisting that it was cringe and terrible of my parents to think of me as a girl. i was, emphatically, a Pokémon obsessed little guy since i could form entire sentences. but it was 2002, and frankly i was more concerned with how far i could spit and collecting spiders off the bushes to be worried about it. my parents (bless) were 100% cool with getting my clothes in the boys section & letting me do whatever i wanted (except get ice cream from the ice cream van every day. their one and only instance of homophobia 😔) so i didn’t really suffer, especially, beyond scowling at people in school when they dared to refer to me. 

it was pretty clear to me when i was 11 that having a cursed body was, indeed, going to be a curse. not worth mentioning how terrible and evil 11-14 was for me physically, tho to be fair i also took up swordfighting then so swings and roundabouts.

but yeah, around when i was 9 i knew there was a huge massive problem but then my mom got cancer (multiple myeloma) and… yeah gender crisis took a backseat while we watched her almost die about three times (pulmonory embolism, stem-cell transplant, getting shingles with no immune system bc chemo). my grandmother looked after me while Hospital.

unhelpful to the anti-trans-kids-existing demons bc she was also like intensely indulgent of my refusal to wear anything but my brazil football jersey. she let me eat nothing but artificial cheese slices put on a single slice of white bread and then microwaved because i had the massive trump card of not being allowed to see my mother for almost six months. i think she was grateful that i seemed to find the whole situation too serious to cry over. my best friend was a boy & he was pretty willing to be like ‘ok cool. ur not a girl. can we go on the trampoline?’ 

& then, when things calmed down & i was about 16/17, i had come out as gay (good for me) about two years before & then i realised i was oh fuck A Bit More Complicated than that i spent a while agonising over it. really a long walks on the beach pondering my gay ass type deal.

but then, just when i was kind of starting to vibe with being enby, I got really really sick, which lasted aboooout 5/6 years where it was just an old school platforming game but titled ‘casper tries not to die while trying to get a degree & two masters’). very do not pass go do not collect 200 of the universe to Do That. but hey. 

so it was around Pandemic when i finally got the brainspace to actually think, & i realised that i was definitely trans, probably nonbinary. i experimented for a while with different pronouns. realised my ‘dumbass nickname everyone has to call me’ was my ACTUAL NAME (never underestimate my stupidity and ignorance) & yeah at first i was thinking of going the hormones path (do not ever please god don’t get me started on how hard that is in this stupid bastard country. 5 years waiting period, on average. have to get diagnosed formally by a team of psychiatrists with what is characterised as a ‘mental illness’. have to ‘live’ - as Some Fucker sees it - as your ‘chosen’ gender for like two years AND be out to basically everybody - realistic and safe i say sarcastically i say while looking into the camera like i'm on the office - oh look i got started. anyway. bullshittery)

but eventually i realised huh nope i just wanted top surgery (same fucking deal with the health service tho) & for people to use they/them generally (i am not too fussed w/ pronouns for myself tho. like, a lot of my friends use he/him because frankly i deserve it most of the time with the himbo behaviour. professionally i insist on they/them for consistency. i get congnitive dissonance with she/her as in i get a weird shock & want to laugh & wonder who the fuck they’re talking about for a sec before i realise it’s me. but like, miffed too much i am not).

also gender is a big pendulum for me it’s an elliptic orbit sometimes for a few weeks i’m like a feminine guy and other times i feel like a masculine gay & sometimes i feel like the autism creature (bc i AM an autism creature, always). 

but i have, essentially, felt nonbinary always. trust me i have a pic of blue-eyed blond 5y/o me sitting on my bed in my Pokemon-themed room wearing a Manchester United jersey and holding my PS2 controller in my hands with a profoundly vacant and himboish expression on my face. it did fully take me 17 whole years to have my ‘oh’ moment about it, but a lot of that was profoundly indulgent parents who were you can’t even imagine how determined to not raise me the way they were raised - which meant, apparently, that if i wanted to be a spider-collecting, bug obsessed pokémon-fixated little guy who kept snapping branches off the bamboo and fashioning makeshift swords out of them - well then that was the creature they’d send to school every day. 

i think the tldr here is: casper stupid. gender a concept. 

[onedayillmakeanamebutnotrn]

cw/tw vampire caretaker, turning whumpee vampire, bloodbag whumpee, so ofc mentions of blood, goofy minor cursing, my awful stinky random obsessions with these things

sudden random obsession with vampire caretakers and drinking whumpees blood/turning them into a vampire too either way works but <333 the gentle especially rn trying not to make it feel weird/uncomfortable/painful/whatever ur canon follows having whumpee in the most comfortable spot they can be (if you wanna go full out with blankets and warmth do it !!! do it !!! i support!!!) not drinking too much blood but still enough to feed themselves barely and whumpee finds out (or doesnt) and "bro wtf do more pussy ik ur starving" caretaker is worried about turning whumpee into a vampire too because of all these what ifs maybe caretaker doesnt want whumpee to live the immortal life (if thats ur kinda canon) or caretaker doesnt want whumpee to suffer from bloodlust or caretaker worries about their food supply (not even to put them in a bad light bc like they gotta eat yea) etc etc whumpee being worried about being turned into a vampire instead works too same worries could work even the "where would caretaker get their food,,," or "do i gotta like hunt people??? na bro..." etc etc

tbh yea i wanna see furries and vampires mixed who wouldnt furries (part cat dog anything animal like) go hard !!