#if you message me and we become friends i just might add you to this list so watch out

[octuscle]

Support dude, it’s me again, Mike. I hit you up so much I feel like I should pay you. And hey if you need that, I’ve got you just tell me. I owe you a shit ton, dude. Since you last helped me, Jack and I tied the fucking knot (and had a hell of a honeymoon haha hadn’t gotten so many noise complaints since high school) and I even moved into his place. Real big and nice like, would make a suburban man cream his pants and even a socialite would do a double take. For as filthy as he can be with me, big boss knows how to fucking live.

But I wouldn’t be hitting you up if everything was all sunshine and rainbows, eh? (Though one of these days I might convince Boss to let you in on our thing for a night or two, just to say thank you if that’s a thing you wanted wink) One of the neighbors apparently doesn’t like it so much when I invite some of the guys at work over for our, let’s call em team bonding events. He bitches and moans about how loud and rowdy we get and how it’s ruining the value of the neighborhood. I almost kicked his ass the first time he came by all bossy and shit, but Boss told me he was President of their HOA or whatever the fuck and that I couldn’t. So I’ve been trying to ignore the prude but if he comes over and ruins another good night I might lose my cool and I don’t wanna let down Boss like that.

Any way you can make the neighborhood meet our lifestyle choices better, dude? I don’t wanna give up this lavish living so soon, it’s nice as hell. But I don’t want it to change me. I wanna change it! Ain’t no reason we can’t live it up without being able to get down if you catch my drift. Can you help me?

I have not invested so much time in my favorite customers, so that you now become adapted suburban bourgeois. So it's time for me to take care of your neighbor. He may be the president of the HOA, after all. But that doesn't give him the right to regulate your private lives. But I could add a little spice to his.

Actually, the boring buffer is not a visitor to the gym. Thank God. So at least you have peace from him there. But today he feels like working out his muscles. And of course, when he enters the locker room, you run right into his arms. And the slimy ass-kisser can do nothing but shake your hand in a friendly way, as if you were best friends. Oops, sorry that your towel slips down.

Normally you are hard as granite when you come back from training. At the sight of your neighbor, the 8 inches dangle limply between your legs. He still seems impressed. To warn your man, you send him a quick message about what to expect during his workout. And write him that you are already preparing everything for dinner at home. "Everything is fine, stallion! daddy wont b disturbed during his workout. Ill b home in 2 hrs"

Your neighbor is blocking the very stations where Jack wants to work out. He has memorized the gym rules and points out every pissy infraction to your husband. In the beginning. But the more Jack sweats, the more musk he exudes, the hornier your neighbor gets. And slowly he starts to change. Actually, sleeveless tops are not allowed in the gym. You both don't care. And your neighbor now too. With the white wifebeater he looks almost like Jack's gym buddy. And he's starting to smell like one, too. It's hard to believe that just a few minutes ago he was the overgroomed suit guy. His armpit hair is sprouting. He obviously hasn't been to the barbershop in a few months either. He stops regimenting your husband. The two of them start working out together as if they've been doing it forever. Steve (your neighbor) can't get enough of having Jack's sweaty workout shorts hanging in front of his face during the bench press. His bulge gets bigger and bigger. And the damp spots in his shorts aren't just from sweat. Jack asks if it's not time to go to the locker room. Steve replies that he was already afraid that Jack wouldn't even ask.

"is it k if i bring a pal 2 dinner" texts Jack. "he 1't want much mor then ur cum and mine." "then he shud bring big appetite" you reply. Shit, this time when Steve shakes your hand, nothing is limp between your legs. Enjoy the evening with the president of the HOA to the fullest!

Pics all found @thelockerroomblog

[cafelattaes]

death by a thousand cuts | njm

summary : in which you find yourself watching as jaemin gradually becomes out of reach; forcing you to confront the painful reality that your story is heading towards an inevitable end, even if you’re not ready to admit it.

pairing : jaemin x fem! reader

genre : college au, angst

word count : 2.5k

playlist : the last time, you’re losing me, sad beautiful tragic

in your dimly lit room, the blue light from your phone screen cast a cold hue as you stared at the last message you received from jaemin. you had been seeing the same words for what felt like an eternity, as if they were mocking you, each repetition intensifying the sense of heartache and resignation you felt.

'i’ll be right back'

you let out a heavy sigh, carrying the burden of disappointment and frustration. a week had passed in the blink of an eye, and his silence felt louder than ever. you were stuck in a cycle of waiting, hoping things would change with each passing moment.

jaemin’s words had become an echo of broken promises. it wasn't the first time, but the disappointment still hurt. you glanced at the screen, feeling a mix of emotions. the exhaustion of always being the only one begging for effort and acknowledgement bore down on you. with a heavy heart, you set your phone down, facing the reality that you needed to let go of the relationship that no longer served you.

paper cuts had turned into gashes. the resentment over small things, continuously dismissed thinking they weren't significant enough, had boiled over, sending you to your gradual demise.

FIVE MONTHS AGO

'hey jaem, are you doing something right now? i miss you :('

‘i’m sorry, baby. i'm not done with my cases and research yet. also we’re studying for upcoming exams’

‘oh, okay. no worries! make sure to get enough rest when you’re home.’

‘you too, love’

a twinge of sadness and disappointment crept into your heart. while you understood the gravity of jaemin's aspirations and the difficult nature of dating a medical student, the challenges of your on-and-off relationship lingered. this was the longest you had gone through with jaemin without breaking up. resisting the urge to let past grievances resurface, you chose to keep most of your emotions to yourself, knowing that voicing them out was not going to make anything better and would only add to his stress. you didn't want to burden jaemin with your feelings or ignite conflicts during a time where his focus needed to be on his studies.

you busied yourself by scrolling through your phone and randomly navigating your friends' instagram stories. jeno's post grabbed your attention, featuring a group picture that included your boyfriend. however, your focus shifted when you noticed eunbin among the faces. her connection with jaemin as his childhood friend, as well as her evident feelings for him even before you entered the picture, weighed on your mind. you felt a bit uneasy thinking about the situation. you wondered if her being around might bring back unresolved feelings or make things even more complicated for you and jaemin.

you tossed your phone on the bed, redirecting your attention to something else to shake off the sudden drop in mood. even though you didn't want to feel jealous of eunbin, it was hard not to. she liked your boyfriend and confessed to him before you got together. despite his reassurances and the clear boundaries he set, a pang of jealousy still remained. you had to accept eunbin's role as one of his closest friends, a constant presence in his life. there was not much you could do to change it.

after a long day of busying yourself to focus more on your academic life, you felt your phone buzz with a text message from jaemin.

‘hey! are you free today? let’s go on a date :) i miss you a lot.’

‘sorry, im too tired to go out these days. i just want to rest after spending so much time studying’

‘oh no baby :( it’s fine. do you want anything? we can just stay and laze around all day in your place instead. but only if you want to’

‘okay’

an hour later, you heard a buzz at your door, and there was jaemin, wearing a smile and holding some of your favorite snacks. you took them from him as he settled into your place. while you prepared the food, jaemin came up from behind, giving you a hug and planting a gentle kiss on the back of your head. he then rested his chin on your shoulder.

"we don't see each other a lot these days. i missed you so much," your heart tightened, a sudden rush of longing and sadness enveloping you. you missed him a lot too. since you got back together, you've been suppressing a lot of your thoughts to avoid another breakup. however, the past few months have been challenging, and you felt like even the smallest thing might cause you to break down emotionally.

“i missed you too,” you whispered in reply.

jaemin was not clueless. you've been together for more than two years and he could easily sense if there was something off about you. he noticed that you began to distance yourself from him. your responses to his messages were brief and dry, picking up on the growing disconnection. he, too, was afraid to bring it up, opting to ignore the underlying problems that had been bothering both of you for a while. he would rather pretend as if everything was fine than risk a conversation and face the possibility of losing you again.

he feared that if you two were to break up once more, it might truly be the end. a sharp stab of pain coursed through his chest with that thought.

THREE MONTHS AGO

you were starting to fall asleep when your peace was suddenly interrupted by your phone ringing. noticing it was a call from mark, you answered.

‘mark?’

‘hey, y/n, sorry to bother you. can you pick jaemin up?’

‘huh? where?’

‘we’re at a bar right now, i’ll text you the address. i can’t bring all of us home and i also drank a little. hope you don’t mind.’

‘yeah, it’s fine. i’ll be on my way.’

‘thanks y/n.’

you left your place once you received the address from mark. you arrived at the bar a little later, scanning the place for the familiar group of guys. you spotted mark, struggling to separate himself from haechan's grasp.

“hey.”

“oh, y/n, you’re here.” jeno waved at you. “jaemin, your girlfriend’s here.” jeno shook him violently, prompting him to get up.

“y/n, did you know? jaemin said that you’ve been-“ haechan groaned in pain as mark slapped his back to stop him from talking.

“you guys should go. jaemin is dead drunk, he almost fell asleep on the bathroom.”

“alright, we’re off. you guys take care on your way home.” you bid farewell to them as you held jaemin for support.

the night air was cool as you stepped outside, hailing for a cab. after some effort, you managed to get him inside, settling into the backseat. jaemin was mostly asleep on the ride home. despite some difficulty getting him out and bringing him to your place, you eventually managed to settle him on the couch. you took off his shoes before getting a damped towel and offering him a glass of water.

“jaemin, do you need anything?” you asked him quietly while wiping his face with the towel. he was silent for a while as you helped him into a more comfortable position.

“you’ve been spending a lot of time with eric,” he murmured. you raised your eyebrows in confusion. you’ve only seen the guy twice this week for some club related-activities.

“stop seeing him, or he might get the wrong idea.”

oh.

jaemin had mentioned before that he didn't like eric, claiming that whenever you two took a break, the latter guy saw it as an opportunity to make a move on you. however, jaemin misinterpreted eric's intention, being one of your friends who comforted you during your breakups. while he hinted at liking you at some point, he respected your boundaries and never attempted to cross the line. all your friends knew that jaemin was the center of your world, even at times when you were supposed to forget about him.

“we’ll talk about that tomorrow when you’re sobered up. you need to get some rest now.” you said, standing up to get him a pillow and a blanket. however, he held your wrist, pulling you back to sit on the couch.

“you’ve changed…” he uttered out of the blue, and a sigh escaped your lips. jaemin had a tendency to ramble when he was drunk. it seemed best to let him express whatever was on his mind.

"you used to make time for me, no matter how busy you got. you always found a way for us to spend time together, even when i was swamped with tasks. but now... you're not as affectionate as before and it feels like you love me a little less. you don't get mad, and you don't seem to care even when i try to ignore you on purpose to get your attention. are you getting sick of me?"

your breath shuddered at his sudden confession. it seemed like the first time jaemin was the first to address your situation while being completely honest about his feelings. it never even crossed your mind that he was ignoring you intentionally. up until now, you had always been the one initiating the difficult conversations. every time you bared your soul, hoping jaemin would make things right, it often ended up having the opposite effect. despite his attempts to take your feelings into consideration and provide solace and affirmations, the impact seemed to fade after a few days, leaving you feeling unheard. eventually, you started to question yourself if you were maybe asking for too much. so you stopped trying, which was the turning point that led to your last breakup.

when jaemin asked to get back together, you couldn't bring yourself to refuse, just like all those times you had taken him back before. despite of the emotional turmoil in your relationship, your love for jaemin remained unwavering. being with him, even with the fights and his occasional neglect, felt a thousand times better than not being with him at all. but now, you weren't sure if you could still bear the pain that came with loving him. a sense of uncertainty settled heavily in your heart, feeling a lump formed in your throat.

“you can’t blame me for getting tired when it feels like i’m the only one trying,” your tears began to flow freely, feeling overwhelmed as all your frustrations and hurt hit you all at once. “you keep saying you love me, but your actions say otherwise. i’ve grown sick of showing my love while not seeing you put in the same effort as i do. sometimes, i want to ask if you still love me the way you once did. because if there’s anyone who changed, jaemin, it’s you. you stopped trying the moment our relationship became too comfortable.” you wiped your tears, the sound of muffled sobs echoing in the silence.

“you have no idea how much i’ve been bottling up my feelings. the pain that has built over these years of being with you is suffocating. i want to let out my frustrations, scream at you, and demand your attention, especially when you seem to have time for everyone else but me. even though i know how busy you can get, i can't help but find it unfair, because for you, i would drop everything. i’ve been keeping count of all the times you claimed to be too occupied to be there for me when i needed you the most, only for me to find out that you were hanging out with your friends. your world doesn’t have to revolve around me, but i just want to feel that i still hold a place in your life.”

jaemin's glassy eyes remained fixed on you. even in his intoxicated state, he became acutely aware of all the things he had done wrong in the relationship and the impact it had on you. he had always played it safe, choosing to overlook the signs and letting you suffer on your own. he didn't realize the gravity of the damage he had inflicted on the person he claimed to love. it broke his heart taking in how far he had allowed things to go. with tears streaming down his face, his hand reached out for you.

“i’m so sorry i made you feel that way… i’m sorry for everything,” he whispered in remorse, drawing you into his arms. closing his eyes, he kissed your forehead tenderly as a silent plea for forgiveness. his chest felt heavy with the weight of regret as the painful reality sank in. he wished he could shelter you from every mistake he had ever made.

“i don’t want your apology. i just want us to go back to the way things were before.” your words carried the weight of longing for the happiness that once defined your relationship.

but the air was thick with unspoken truth. you both knew, that no matter what happens now, the two of you can no longer return to how things used to be.

PRESENT

three weeks had passed since the last time you and jaemin spoke. despite sharing tears together that night he got drunk, not much had changed. jaemin became cautious, and you were left wondering whether he would do something to alter the state of your relationship, considering you already said your piece. yet, it appeared that both of you had silently acknowledged the reality that there was little you could do, having allowed things to reach a point beyond saving.

you found yourselves in a tug-of-war, each waiting for the other to end the relationship. however, you hoped he would be the one to pull the trigger this time, because he never made an attempt to ask you to stay. if you were the one to do it, you feared weakness might overcome you if he were to return again. so, you wished for him to take the decisive step to allow you to truly feel that everything was over for both of you. yet, deep down, a small part of you remained hopeful that he would defy your expectations and fight for what was left.

but even when it came down to it, jaemin couldn't muster the courage to call it quits. in your mind, you were begging him not to leave you like this. after everything you had been through together, he couldn't possibly walk away without saying anything.

but as the hours turned to days, days turned to weeks, and weeks turned to months, the truth of the matter set in; you must move on to the next phase of your life without reaching a conclusion to the final chapter of your story. until the very end, jaemin couldn't find the words to cut the ties that bound you. instead, he chose the easy way out, one that was hard only for you, leaving behind a heartbreak that time alone couldn't mend and abandoning you to tend to the pieces of your shattered self.

you were left with no choice but to miss him for the rest of your life, each passing moment a reminder of the void he left behind.

[wongyuuu]

seventeen as songs from eternal sunshine (ag)

a/n: like usual, i'll be giving songs and lyrics to each of the members, as well as small plots based on those lyrics. i don't plan to write all of these, but they are still my ideas (as basic as some of them might be). so if you are interested in writing one of them, you can message me about it. if you want to read one of them you can send in as ask or dm and i'll add it to my writing list

• Seungcheol ➝ true story But I'll play whatever part you need me to And I'll be good in it, too ↳ seungcheol was willing to do anything for you, even if it meant destroying himself

• Jeonghan ➝ saturn returns Aha, it's time for you to get real about life and sort out who you really are  ↳ Jeonghan always thought that life would be easier if he just stayed as he was, unmoving. Turns out that there was more to life than just that

• Joshua ➝ we can’t be friends We can't be friends But I'd like to just pretend ↳ you and joshua always traveled through the same friend groups but you were never really close to one another, mostly because you might have carried a crush on him for years. but when joshua suddenly decides that he wants to be friends, you don’t have it in you to say no

• Jun ➝ end of the world Wonder if he’s thinkin’ ‘bout it too and smiling Wonder if he knows that that’s been what's inspirin’ me Wonder if he’s judging me like I am right now ↳ after a first date that went beyond expectations, you couldn't help but wonder if jun too felt those same butterflies when he thought about you

• Soonyoung ➝ eternal sunshine I found a good boy and he’s on my side You’re just my eternal sunshine, sunshine ↳ even after months after your break up, after you met someone new, you can’t help but think back to your relationship with soonyoung, and how you're sure you’ll never truly be able to move on from him, after all he was still your eternal sunshine

• Wonwoo ➝ i wish i hated you our shadow dance in a parallel plane Just two different endings ↳ looking from the outside, you and wonwoo are the same, but that couldn’t be further from the truth. in fact, you couldn't be further away from each other

• Jihoon ➝ Don’t Wanna Break Up Again This situationship has to end But I just can't refuse I don't wanna break up again  ↳ you know you have to get away from jihoon, but whenever he calls you’re ready to run toward him, even if it means breaking your own heart in the process

• Mingyu ➝ bye Didn't think you'd lose me Now it's just too late to choose me ↳ you’re tired of always being the second choice for Mingyu, maybe it’s time for you to become your first option 

• Seokmin ➝ supernatural This love's possessin' me, but I don't mind at all It's taking over me, don't wanna fight the fall ↳ you knew that you were falling way too deep for seokmin, but there was no way you’d ever try to catch yourself before you hit the ground

• Vernon ➝ yes, and? Now, I’m so done with caring What you think, no, I won't hide Underneath your projections Or change my most authentic life ↳ throughout all of his life, vernon heard about how uncommon and weird his interests were, so in order to fit in more easily, he did his best to hide the odd away, but he was done doing that, especially when all it did was keep you away from him. 

• Seungkwan ➝ ordinary things It’s funny, but it's true There's never going to be an ordinary thing As long as I'm with you ↳ life with Seungkwan was always extraordinary, he made sure of that

• Chan ➝ the boy is mine Promise you I'm not usually Like this, shit, it's like news to me, to me But I can't ignore my heart, boy ↳ you had always been chill and your relationship with had never been labeled, so at times it was hard to pinpoint where you stood, but one day, at a particular party, when a particular girl showed up, you couldn't help but be jealous

if you enjoyed reading, please reblog and leave a comment, it really does mean the world to me and i would love to know your thoughts. thank you! 💕

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[damnation-if]

I just want to say, as a certified monster fucker, I'm already in love with your story hahaaa <3 I'm glad we're getting more adult stories and the themes in this one are so intriguing, can't wait for the rest ! Alsooo, I really liked the way you describe things? I do not know how to explain it haha but I could easily visualize what was happening and the general atmosphere you're going for and I thought that was neat :^)

thank you so much for your kind words!! i truly appreciate them and i'm so glad the descriptions were to your liking! i have at least some level of aphantasia, so i'm always worried that i'm not describing things enough haha... glad that doesn't seem to be the case!

i was actually talking to my friends just yesterday about how there's relatively few Creacher-y ROs around... so for whatever reason, i guess because it's on my mind, i thought i'd take a bit of time/space here to mention all of the Monsterfucker Approved (TM) ROs that i could come up with, in case anyone else might be interested. this list isn't meant to be exhaustive (in case i miss anyone) as sadly i am yet to become all-seeing and all-knowing 😔

Creacher (Alien)

Rhaxa and Imxa from Project Hadea by my beloved @nyehilismwriting. spikey, scaley, bitey, etc. 👌i also love and appreciate the attention to detail put into worldbuilding for the different ways their species communicates and thinks and so on, showing the culture gaps between them and humans. quality buggies!

Creacher (Eldritch)

Roach from The Passenger... the mc is also an eldritch creacher in this one, which may add or subtract to the enjoyment for various different people lol

Sysba from Attollo; i also think this game in general is pretty monster friendly, with a bunch of monstrous side characters and so forth. the cool kind of neo-gothic vibes give it a feeling a bit akin to a cyberpunk Penny Dreadful... it's about as Monsterfucker as cyberpunk gets i think!

Beacon from Stygian: The Abyssal Lighthouse by my good friend @salty-stories. this one is probably the most Lovecraftian of the eldritch creachers i think, heavy Call of Cthulhu vibes. it's still in progress but i'm personally willing to wait haha

Creacher (Parahuman)

Lorelei and The Other from The Golden Harp; pirates and sirens and mermaids, oh my!

Danny and Isla from When It Hungers by the wonderful @roast-ifs ... the game is still on hiatus but it still lives rent-free in my head always... the monster mcs are So *chef's kiss*

Oisein from The Nameless; due to the sheevra mc there's a Lot of really cool exploration of the boundaries of humanity and stuff like that... we love a "nonhumans shouldn't be able to feel/do this" story... we love it a Normal amount for sure.

Creacher (Indefinable)

Trace from Greenwarden by @fiddles-ifs; an iconique creacher... the game itself also has excellent kind of Appalachian gothic/supernatural vibes and a dark undercurrent of Lurking Monster Foreboding.

Games with Applicably Creacher-esque Vibes

Virtue's End by my beloved friend dani... the ROs might be human, but the mc most certainly is not<3 dark fantasy and sumptuous Monster vibes, what more can you ask?

anything by the extremely talented @thirtybythirty (links to their games in their pinned post). everything they write has a compelling undercurrent of... eldritch existentialism. perhaps the creacher is in fact the Narrative... or maybe the humans were the creachers all along...

the fabulous OFNA: Birds of a Feather - it has the perfect combination of things Not Quite Human and Not Quite Right to create a rich and ominous atmosphere, well-worth playing even though everyone is Technically human lmfao

anyway sorry for rambling on and i'm sure there's a bunch i have missed but. i do feel like it's worth giving praise where it's due for games and writers that we appreciate! thank you again for your kind message (and for giving me a chance to talk about this a bit lol)

[shina913]

On Tilt, Part 6 | KNJ

On Tilt, Part 6

Definition: a poker term for a state of mental or emotional confusion or frustration in which a player adopts a suboptimal strategy, usually resulting in the player becoming overly aggressive.

On Tilt Masterlist

Pairing: Namjoon x Fem!Reader

Rating: M 🔞; NSFW

Genre: idol!AU; strangers-to-FWB-to-lovers; toxic relationship; angst; fluff; smut

Warnings: cussing; dirty talk; neck kisses; heavy petting; nipple play; clit play; body worship; oral (mutual); protected sex; switch!Namjoon; switch!reader

Word count: 5.6K+ words

Summary: You’ve said time and time again that you wouldn’t lose yourself to him. You were in control now. You were going to make better choices. For a minute there, you were able to keep up with it. It wasn’t ‘til Namjoon’s extended break that you found yourself falling into old habits. Will you ever learn to quit Kim Namjoon?

A/N: It's been a long time! If you're still following along, thank you for being patient! I hope to write more frequently. I haven't been inspired to finish much of my wips but I hope you'll enjoy this chapter! I've missed these two.

"I don't know... I think the second half of it seems..." Namjoon sighs, trying to think of an adjective. "Lame?"

"I don't think so," Jon, his co-producer, disagrees.

“Are you sure? I feel like we should add more to it. My vocals sound kind of flat.”

Namjoon, despite having 1,001 tasks to complete before his album release, had also agreed to do a feature verse on a track for one of his industry friends. He sits in one corner of the room, his gaze fixed on the large screen displaying multiple layers of squiggly waves that represent the various instrumental and vocal tracks he’s recorded.

Jon has worked with him long enough to know when he’s actually giving notes or just being nitpicky.

“Your vocals are fine,” he says reassuringly. “Your verse is perfect–it really fits the song!”

Namjoon sighs heavily, still feeling some apprehension. His phone buzzes and he glances at it to read a text message. “Ah, good. He’s on his way. Maybe he can give me some input on this. He’s got a great ear for these kind of things.”

“Ouch, bro,” Jon feigns offense as he cleans up the track layers some more.

Namjoon turns apologetic immediately. “Sorry, I didn’t mean it like that. It’s just that we’ve been at this for a few weeks and I just want to get a different perspective?”

A minute later, the door to his studio opens, and in comes Yoongi.

"Hey, you got here fast!" Namjoon greets Yoongi. Yoongi nods in acknowledgment. "I was already on this floor when you texted, so I thought I'd swing by before my next appointment. What's up?"

Namjoon motions for Jon to play the track for Yoongi. He observes his teammate and frequent co-producer tilt his head to the side and close his eyes. He always does this when he wants to analyze the track by ear.

Once the track ends, Namjoon anticipates his comments.

“Can you try it without the cymbals in the bridge and drop the echo off the doubling track?”

Jon nods, clicks on a few functions, and plays the song according to Yoongi's notes. Hearing the track with the new modifications, Yoongi and Namjoon make eye contact. They both nod their heads enthusiastically to the beat. No other words are exchanged, but the smiles on their faces and the subsequent high-five provide enough reassurance.

******

“Thanks for the input, hyung. I appreciate it.” Namjoon walks Yoongi out of his studio.

“It’s nothing! We’re still a team even though we’re all off doing our own stuff at the moment.”

Namjoon silently agrees, then raises a hand to rub his eyes while trying to suppress a yawn. They pause for a moment, standing in front of each other in the quiet hallway.

“Tired?”

"I've accepted my fate of being tired forever," Namjoon laughs wryly, rubbing the back of his neck. "I don't know why I assumed that completing my album would bring me some relief and relaxation.”

"Ah, it'll pass." To a stranger, his deadpan tone might sound insincere, but Namjoon knows that he means it in a consoling manner. "Are you excited about your launch party?”

“Yeah, I am. And I’m taking YN with me!” There was a sense of pride and comfort in the way he said it.

Yoongi’s eyebrows shoot upward. “Are you?”

“You think it’s a bad idea?”

Yoongi shakes his head and smiles. “Not in the least bit. Have you told PD-nim?”

Namjoon nods. “He was cool with it. She’ll be there as my guest but we agreed that her presence there isn’t an ‘announcement’ or anything like that. Still, I’m confident that we’ll be safe since she and I will be interacting out in the open instead of sneaking around.”

It was simple logic. Photos weren’t worth much to tabloids if they were professionally taken with the subject’s consent.

Yoongi laughs at the rationale but he can’t deny that his friend makes a good point. “I’m glad you’ve got something worked out. And she’s okay with all that?”

Namjoon’s head tilts slightly and his shoulders shrug. “Apprehensive at first but I let her know that the front office was supportive so that helped convince her and made her feel safe about going.”

Yoongi’s eyebrows rose and his lips twitch upon hearing his last comment but he caught himself and managed to force a smile. “Good. That’s…good. I’m really glad to hear that.” It wasn’t fair to project his personal grievances with management toward his friend.

Realizing his misstep, his excitement is replaced with a pang of guilt. “Shit, I’m sorry, hyung,” he grimaces. “I didn’t mean to come off insensitive, especially after what happened to–”

Yoongi cuts him off. “Nah, don’t feel guilty about it. I’m happy that you’re happy. I’m glad that you have someone who supports you and that you’ve found ways to compromise.” His sober expression makes Namjoon’s face falter.

It hasn’t been long since Yoongi and his partner split up. It was a few weeks before the hiatus announcement but by then, they’d had enough and decided to move onto separate ways.

“I’m really sorry that you couldn’t figure out a middle ground between the label and–”

Yoongi waves his hand in mid-air to stop Namjoon from bringing up something that is still fresh in his mind. There was a time and place to be vulnerable but this moment wasn’t it. “S’okay. We tried…for a long time…” He sighs and finishes with a shrug, effectively dropping the subject.

“Anyway, speaking of PD-nim, what did you think of last week’s contract meeting?” Yoongi asks to shift the focus away from him. “Have you thought about what you wanted to do for the next year?”

Namjoon exhales and confidently answers, “Yep. I’m taking the option for the longer hiatus.”

A few weeks ago, the label held a meeting with all team members, offering different paths for their careers. They could either continue pursuing solo activities or 'take a break' by having a more flexible schedule and the option to choose the projects they want to participate in.

“Wow. Really? Even with all of the offers to collaborate?” Yoongi bulges his eyes out at his friend knowingly.

Two years ago, Namjoon would have been tripping over his feet if he ever got a call from his idols for a dream collaboration. Now that the group has hit record-breaking fame in the world stage, each member’s time was in high demand.

“I did that one song last summer with my idol and crossed that off my bucket list. I don’t need to be greedy by entertaining every request,” he laughs. “It’s also an opportunity for me to take a break and find a new sound.”

Although Namjoon's new album has not been released yet, Yoongi does not argue because he understands that as an artist, one needs to constantly evolve. As soon as you finish one project, you should already be in the midst of planning the next one.

“That’s fair,” Yoongi concedes. “Was this decision influenced by a certain someone?”

“Yes and no,” Namjoon admits. “She’s a factor but it's my own decision. It’s what’s best for me…for us. I owe it to her.”

“Is she collecting a debt?”

Namjoon laughs. “No, no. She didn’t say that. In fact, I haven’t told her that we had that meeting. All I know is that I made a commitment to her and I plan on sticking to it. Walk the walk, you know?”

“I guess it’s good that she didn’t talk you into it. The last thing you want is to make hasty, emotional decisions then regret them later.”

“Hyung, I swear I’m not being hasty or emotional about this.”

“Alright,” Yoongi relents. “Just saying, I’d hate for you to feel regret or resentment if things don’t pan out.”

The truth was, Namjoon had that thought buried in the far corner of his mind, but he wouldn't let it deter him. He believed that fate brought the two of you back together and he was determined to do everything he could to make the best out of this second chance. Things will work out this time.

They have to.

You're in a rush to send out two more emails before the holiday weekend. These emails are crucial for sealing the deals for two of your clients. One has received interest from a film production company that wants to buy the rights to their novel and turn it into a movie. The other client is preparing for wider distribution after self-publishing the first edition of their book.

Your phone starts to buzz after you send off one email.

“Hey, I just got here. Are you sure you don’t want me to pick you up?” Namjoon walks through your front door then pockets his keys, which include a copy of your house keys. It was a huge step for you and your relationship.

He was bringing food from the restaurant that you two were supposed to have dinner at. But after a client call ran long and a few other last-minute tasks piled up, you asked if you could reschedule. Instead, he was insistent and completely fine with the idea of spending the night in.

“I’m sure. I drove so I have to bring my car home anyway.”

“But you could leave it at the garage and I can have my manager pick it up tomorrow.”

You laugh at his offer. He just really wanted you home. “Why don’t you let the man enjoy a decent weekend off, for once?”

“Alright,” he relents. “I’ll be here waiting. I’ve got wine chilling in the fridge and pasta and chicken, just like you asked.”

You acknowledge all the effort he’s putting in. He’s been sleep-deprived the entire week but he was still determined to spend time with you. Still, you take the opportunity to tease him. “You know that kind of behavior will get you laid.”

“Look, I don’t really care if anything happens tonight,” he says simply. “I only wanted to bring dinner and be with you.”

“Mm-hm,” you hum in amusement. “What kind of pasta did you get?” You ask him as a test.

He answers with your favorite. It’s been so long and yet he still knew. “That’s it! I’m getting on my knees as soon as I walk through the door!”

A low laugh escapes him. “Not if I get you on your back first.”

His response makes you want to log off this second and rush home to him. 

Unfortunately, even if you leave the office, you still need to continue working from home. However, you would rather put 100% of your focus on him. So, you decide to stay until you finish everything.

Two hours later, you walk through the door. The room is dark and quiet, with the only light coming from the television. Namjoon is snoring in the living room.

He stirs when you brush his hair back to kiss his forehead from behind the couch.

"Hi," he says, his lips curving into a languid smile as he blinks his eyes open.

"Sorry, I'm late."

"It's cool." He stretches his arms and sits up. "Have you eaten?"

"No. Have you?" You ask him.

He shakes his head as well. "I'll heat up the food in the oven—"

"No, let’s go to bed so you can go back to sleep," you suggest. It's been a long day and fatigue is setting in. However, Namjoon gets up from the couch, shakes his head adamantly, and laughs. "You know that I know that there's no way you'll have a good night's sleep while hungry."

Just before you protest, your stomach growls, betraying you. He knows you well enough. With a snort, he takes your hand and guides you to the kitchen.

*******

After dinner and a quick shower for you, you get a second wind and decide to watch some late-night TV. It was a weekend, and Namjoon didn't have to be at the office until late the next evening.

He gazes at the week-old gardenia arrangement that he brought over when you first moved in and wonders aloud, "I'll never understand why you keep holding onto these until they're completely dead. Just throw them away and I'll get you fresh flowers!"

"I like them when they’re in this in-between stage of brown and white. They have a stronger scent and I love it," you explain.

"Yeah, but the aesthetic is—" He clicks his teeth in distaste.

"Forget about the aesthetic! I think it smells romantic," you say confidently.

At first, he furrows his brows at your strange remark. But instead of arguing, he’s endeared. He shakes his head and chuckles, returning his attention to the TV.

You and Namjoon are on the couch, watching old reruns of a show that you've seen many times before. Despite the outdated punchlines, you still find them funny years later. You're sitting sideways while your legs, covered by a throw blanket, rest comfortably on his lap. Instead of watching the show with him, your gaze is fixed on his profile. At the sound of a joke you both had heard before, he still lets out a guffaw, the corners of his eyes crinkling in amusement as if hearing it for the very first time. His laughter makes your heart swell so much that it feels as if you could float away.

At that moment, as his laughs subside and the scent of wilted gardenias fills the room, you utter, "I love you." You can feel your heart pounding in your chest.

He slowly turns his head to face you, his eyes searching yours. After a few beats that feel like an eternity, he says, "Say that again."

Suddenly feeling shy, you giggle like a schoolgirl and attempt to hide under your blanket, but he pulls it off, revealing your flushed cheeks.

"Please say it again," he says, grinning and patiently waiting.

You take a deep breath, savoring the moment. You purse your lips for a few seconds, then smile back at him. "I love you," you say softly, but with conviction.

He throws his head back dramatically, clutching his chest as if he's been shot, before collapsing onto the bed with a theatrical flourish.

Giggling at his antics, you playfully shove his side and tell him, "Stop being so dramatic!"

"I'm not being dramatic! I'm in love," he declares with a sigh.

You’re mildly irritated by his response. “You know, if you’re just going to joke about this—”

Just as you turn serious, he does the same. “I would never joke. Not when it comes to you.”

This was a huge step for both of you and it was the first time you’d actually said the words to each other. Years ago, he used to say that labels and verbal declarations of feelings were ‘superficial’. Anybody can say ‘I love you’ but never really grasp the full weight of it. He was all about ‘showing’ not ‘telling.’

The old you thought that made a lot of sense. It sounded logical. And because you were actually in love with him then, you believed it.

You swallow the lump in your throat. "I want you to know that this is still scary for me. This isn’t like when we were sleeping around at the dorms or hotels. The stakes are higher now."

He turns his body toward you. He cradles your legs with one arm and circles the other around your waist to pull you closer.

“I really fucked things up by not telling you how I felt and ignoring your needs. I was selfish and a coward.”

You shake your head gently at how he was placing all the blame on himself. “We were young and had a lot of growing up to do. Both of us needed that time apart.”

He looks at you with a mix of regret and determination in his eyes. "I recognize that now," he says softly. "And I want to do better and be better for you. Things will be different this time."

His words fill you with hope, and you feel your heart fill with warmth as you realize that he is committed to making things work between you.

The thought of it also turns you on wildly. You lean in and press your lips to his. “Take me to bed,” you whisper.

He pulls back slightly and stares into your eyes. “I’m not saying these things just to get it in,” he chuckles. “Like I said, we don’t have to do anything you don’t want—”

“I know,” you interrupt gently before your lips curve into a smile. “Let me worry about what I want. And what I want, is for us to go to bed.”

Nodding, he switches the TV off and you both walk upstairs into your bedroom.

******

You walk into the room, with him following closely behind. As you turn to face him, he stops in his tracks, cautiously anticipating your next move.

You reach up and cup his face in your hands. He closes his eyes, reveling in your touch. Tilting your chin up, he meets halfway, and seals his mouth to yours. The kiss starts soft and sweet, but quickly builds up to a fever pitch.

Desire surges through you, and he matches your fervor. His fingers grip the back of your neck, deepening the kiss. He groans against your lips, making those low, sexy sounds that you turn you on. Your hands explore his chest, feeling every inch of him. Just as you're about to lose control, he breaks the kiss.

He spins you around, your back pressed against him, caging you while his hand roams all around your front.  You threw your head back in a low moan as he nipped at your neck, grinding his hard cock between your ass cheeks.

He wraps his arms around you and nuzzles your neck. His heavy breaths send shivers down your spine.

“How did I get so lucky?” he whispers as his teeth graze your earlobe.

"I wouldn't call it luck," you murmur breathlessly, shifting your head to give him better access to your throat. "...More like a well-deserved outcome," you finish. He runs his nose down the slope of your neck, and you feel him smile against it.

"I'm really trying to control myself," he sighs. "But I'd be lying if I said I haven't spent a lot of time fantasizing about how this evening would go."

You release a pained groan, squirming as he lazily sucks on your neck. "Tell me," you say.

He pauses his ministrations, giving you a chance to break away and turn to face him.

“Tell me about your fantasies,” you say to him.

Namjoon teasingly swipes his tongue between his lips and leans forward. “I can tell you and show you.”

In anticipation, your chest rises as you inhale sharply and bite your lower lip. It was all the consent he needed.

"First of all, you're wearing too many clothes," he smirks.

You reach for the hem of your sleep shirt, intending to pull it off, but he stops you. He gently wags his finger and tuts. "In my fantasy, I do all the work."

You release the material and relinquish control to him. Wrapping his arms around you, he repeats your earlier action and pulls your shirt up. You lift your arms above your head, allowing him to easily slip it off you. As he leans in, you anticipate a kiss, but he surprises you by tossing you over his shoulder.

He walks across the room, and his hand reaches down to tug on your panties, pulling them below the curve of your ass. You yelp as he spanks you hard enough to sting.

He sits you down on the mattress and crouches in front of you. As he pulls your panties past your bare feet, he asks, “Are you good, baby?”

“Yeah.” You smile and touch his cheek. The moment of tenderness makes your heartbeat stutter as if he wasn’t just about to ravish you seconds later.

He nods and flashes a dimple before he picks up where he left off.

He plants a soft kiss on your inner thigh. “Are you ready for me?”

You arch an eyebrow at him in response. “The better question is, are you ready for me?”

You let out another squeal when Namjoon jerks your hips to the very edge of the bed with your legs on either side of him, exposing your center to his gaze.

“You’re going to be sorry you said that.”

You pushed at his shoulder, challenging him. “Teach me a lesson, then.”

He presses your thighs wide with gentle hands, his thumb stroking over your clit, pleasure pulsing through you.

He lowers his voice to a dangerously low tone. “You know, I’m trying to set the pace here but you’re no help.” He gets some revenge when he pulls his shirt over his head.

“You know I can take it,” you say as evenly as possible while trying not to drool over the sight of his bare chest.

“I know you can,” he murmurs. “But I want this to last a while.” Your stomach tightens when he lowers his head. As soon as his tongue licks through your folds, you grasp desperately at the sheets beneath you and fall back onto the mattress. He parts you with his fingers, teasing your sensitive flesh while you keen and writhe in pleasure.

“I’ve imagined this so many different ways,” he purred, teasing your clit with the tip of his tongue. Your hips buck but he holds you firmly down.

“On my bed.” He sucks. “In my studio.” And licks.

“In the back room of the restaurant that I took you to on our first date after we had the no-sex conversation.”

“God. Namjoon,” You moan pathetically, dizzy at the sight of him savoring you.

“I imagine pinning you down,” he went on roughly, “Giving it to you all night…your nipples swollen from me sucking on them. The room filled with all those sexy sounds you do…when I make you cum over and over…” He gives your clit one long suction.

You whimper, biting your lip as he flutters his tongue. He has one of your legs hooked over his bare shoulder. The heat from his skin burns the flesh behind your knee.

“Yes, I want all that,” Your hands roam over your breasts, pinching at your aching nipples for relief.

He grins mischievously. “I know.” He continues to suck on your bundle of nerves, teasing you relentlessly as your climax builds up further. With his lips still wrapped around your clit, he slides two fingers into your soaked opening, curling them upward to massage your inner walls.

You gasp sharply at the assault when he pumps into you. Hips moving of their own volition, grinding into his greedy mouth.

You climax with a breathless cry, your legs shaking with the rush of release after months of pent-up tension between you.

You were still coming down from your high when his body loomed over you. He shoves his bottoms down just enough to free his cock.

You watch as he carefully slips a condom down his length. Wanting to feel him in your hands, you attempt to reach for it, but he catches you by your wrist. He brings your hand to his lips and kisses the inside before pinning your hands above your head.

His eyes studies your face, his lips still glistening from your orgasm, his chest heaving. You blink up at him in wonder and ask yourself, 'how did you get so lucky'?

“I love you,” he pants.

“I love you,” you reply before he slides his length between your folds. He pushes in, parting the slick opening.

He buries his face in your throat with a groan, then surges inside you. He gasps your name, slowly grinding his hips against you, trying to get deeper.

His hips work in a steady rhythm. The feel of him inside you, stretching you, drives you crazy. You shift and wrap your legs around him for leverage and meet his thrusts.

His lips brushed against your temple. “Fuck, you feel so good. I don’t think I can last much longer…but I…I want to—“

He sounded apologetic, but he didn’t need to. Your throat tightens. “I don’t care. I’m not going anywhere. Don’t stop!”

He pulls out, lifts your ass, then thrusts deeply.  You moan helplessly, your cunt squeezing him greedily. “Fuck yes…” you hiss. “Harder. Fuck me harder.”

He strokes into you and you writhe under him, your thighs grasping his hips. Digging his knees in, he gives you what you begged for and fucks relentlessly into you. His cock plunges deeply, over and over, breathing naughty fantasies into your ear and pushing you closer to another climax.

Your core tenses and your clit throbs with every slam of his hips against yours. He pounds into you, every muscle in his body flexing.

“I’m gonna cum so hard for you,” he strains, sweat sliding down his temple.

The promise of him filling you sets you off, and before you know it, you come undone for him again, your pussy spasming furiously. The obscene sounds of hot, sweaty fucking fills your bedroom while he chases his own climax.

He slows down his movements deliberately, and with one final stroke, you feel him spurting inside of you. Rough sounds of satisfaction rumble from his chest and resonate against your sweat-slicked skin.

He lies there for a moment, his heartbeat gradually slowing to a steady rhythm. When he lifts his head, his fingers run through your hair.

Namjoon cradles your face in his hands and kisses you. “Thank you.”

“What are you thanking me for? You did all the work,” you laugh.

His slow smile showed pure satisfaction. “I’m only grateful for the privilege.”

You roll your eyes playfully. “Stop,” you giggle. “You’re just saying that because you’re horny.”

“Nah, I’m love-drunk,” he grins lazily before planting another kiss on your lips. You’re so endeared…as if you couldn’t love him anymore.

He flops on the bed beside you, and you rest a hand on his chest, patting it softly. "By the way, top-tier fantasy," you remark.

Turning to face you, his smile widens and he mischievously squints at you. “Oh, you thought that was it?” He laughs. “We haven’t even gotten through the half of it!”

The thought of being the recipient of Namjoon’s insatiable desire for you sends a flutter of excitement through your body.

******

You are jolted awake by a dream you had. In it, you were falling into a bottomless pit.

Your heart races as you quickly turn your head to the other side of the bed, where Namjoon is sleeping soundly.

You’d been at each other for at least two hours before both of you passed out from exhaustion and fell asleep.

You carefully slide out of bed, trying not to wake him, and make your way to the bathroom.

When you reenter the bedroom, the scene before you takes your breath away. Namjoon is sprawled across your bed, with one arm tossed over his head and the other draped across his chest. When you were shopping for a mattress, it seemed excessive to get one so huge. However, now that you see his feet resting comfortably on the bed instead of dangling off it, it doesn't seem like such a bad investment after all.

God, he was breathtaking. When he was onstage, he exuded an unstoppable force, trained to be the object of many people’s fantasies. And yet, you were the only one who could bring him to his knees.

He shifts as you climb onto the bed. He blinks up at you.

“Hey, come here.” He sounds drowsy, but you find it incredibly sexy.

“I love you,” you say as you lower yourself into his outstretched arms. His warm skin is perfect for snuggling. Seeing him like this makes you want to be close to him, but in a different way.

He kisses you deeply, but you pull away just in time to regain control. “I'm not done with you,” he warns. Despite already going three rounds (that you can recall), he shamelessly craves more. Admittedly, so do you.

You gently place your pointer finger on his lips and shake your head. "It's my turn."

He raises an eyebrow in curiosity.

“We spent all night living out your fantasies but didn’t even get to mine. Not fair–that’s not how this relationship is supposed to work,” you pout.

“I’m sorry,” he says sweetly, brushing your cheek with his finger. “What do you want, my love?”

You wrap your legs around his thigh and rub against it, letting him feel that you are already wet for him. The friction makes you moan, as does the promise of being naughty.

You kiss him, press your body against him. “Two things.”

His finger grazes your forehead. “Anything.”

“One, I want to taste you,” you whisper then glance downward at his crotch.

His teeth sink into his bottom lip, already into it. “And the second thing?”

This is when you try to hold back your excitement. “You have to be very, very still.”

He’s suddenly puzzled. “Huh?”

“I want you to keep your hands to yourself while I work on you,” you state.

He groans in frustration. “You know that’s impossible–”

“Just trust me!”

Eventually, he acquiesces. “Alright. How do you want me?”

You purse your lips and motion for him to sit up against the headboard, and he obliges. You lift his arms and direct him to hold onto the gaps in the frame.

Next, you grab hold of his boxers' waistband and he lifts his hips to assist you. As you pull them past his feet, you ask, "Are you good, baby?"

“Yes,” he answers with a gentle smirk.

You spread his thighs apart, but before you position yourself between them, you lean forward to give him a kiss. He instinctively embraces you, with one hand pushing into your hair and the other resting on the small of your back, urging you to come closer.

Clearing your throat, you flick your eyes to his hands, giving him a warning look. He smiles, suddenly remembering one of your stipulations, and lets his hands fall to his sides.

You press a light kiss to his lips before moving your mouth across his cheek, down to his throat. Your tongue darts out to lick his golden skin before latching on, causing him to let out a pained growl. You graze him with your teeth, leaving a mark. Rough sounds of pleasure vibrate against your lips.

Pulling back, you admire the bright red bruise you left and giggle triumphantly at your handiwork. “Mine.”

"Yours," he vows with hooded eyes.

"Good answer." Pleased, you continue to move lower, finding and teasing his nipples. You lick over them, around them, then blow. Namjoon hisses and growls at the shot of cool air against his sensitized skin. He resists the temptation to roll you onto your back and pin you to the mattress, but instead, he grips the headboard tighter, his knuckles turning white.

As you make your way down his torso, you feel his entire body tighten with anticipation. When your tongue rims his belly button, his hips jerk up.

If he only knew just how excited you were to see him in this state. You want to reward him for having this much obedience and self-control.

With your hands on his inner thighs, you urge him to spread open wider, giving you room to settle comfortably. Dipping your head, your lips part, and you give his cock a precursory lick.

“Fuuucking…hell…” he growls.

It sends another wave of arousal through you. Wrapping your lips around him, you give him back what he gave you last night. Using only your mouth, you worship him, sucking gently and caressing him with your tongue.

He mutters a mix of curses and praises, feeling both lost and dizzy with pleasure.

You pause for a moment and tease him. “You like that?”

He sits up on his elbows, and looks at you wryly. “No, I hate every second it!”

You laugh then wrap your lips around his tip and hum.

“Aaaahh…fuck me. What the fuck,” he groans at the vibration. You see his eyes roll to the back of his head. “Deeper, please,” he begs.

Since he asked so nicely, you oblige and take him in completely until the tip reaches the back of your throat.

He cries out, his back arching as if he wants to pull away, but you hold onto him with your lips and hands, cupping and massaging, encouraging him to reach the peak of pleasure.

“Fuck…fuck…” he chokes out, fighting every urge to wrap his hand around your nape to control the pace. He knows you’re enjoying this too much and the thought of it sends him into a frenzy. His thighs ached with strain, muscles hardening by the force it took to restrain himself.

You feel his balls tighten and you know he’s close. Hollowing your cheeks, you bob your head at an even pace, swirling your tongue around his length simultaneously.

“Ahh, baby, I’m gonna cum…fuck…”

In the same moment that you pull off, he grunts and spurts right at your chest. You sit up and lean back on your heels, pumping him with your fist to prolong and intensify the sensation. You can feel the contractions against your fingertips, pulsing from his flesh as he lets out a drawn-out groan.

When his body calms down, you release him and move to lay by his side.

After a few beats, he croaks out, "Am I allowed to touch you now?"

With a playful giggle, you give him permission. Finally, his heavy arm shifts, blindly searching to pull you closer. You snuggle into his embrace, feeling his heartbeat gradually steadying against yours as he plants a kiss on the top of your head. Both of you collapse in a tired, satisfied heap, but you loved it.

And you loved him.

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Thank you so much for reading!

If you loved it, please comment, reblog, or send me feedback! 📩. I love hearing from readers! If you didn’t like it so much, I would still like to hear about it. Help me become a better writer! 💜

Tagging: @internetjunkdrawer @roaminginthenights @serendididy @majamarantha @mrskiminami @joonschocochip @yoongukie-ff @midnightagust

[the-bonfires-ember]

ok so this has a lot of facets so bear with me. standard disclaimer that this is all based on my personal experiences as a narcissistic sociopath; im not a professional and i dont speak for everyone.

anyway.

firstly, yes we do. i think prosocials/egotypicals do it too to an extent but for different reasons and in different ways.

from an aspd perspective, i get annoyed at people and it is no longer to my benefit to stick around them, ill just disappear in a classic ghosting style. frankly i never get to this point anymore because ive managed to surround myself with people i very rarely if ever find annoying. in the past, when ive befriended people and then theyve frustrated me or ive just generally found them annoying for some reason, ive either slowly extricated myself if i could keep getting stuff out of the person or just totally destroyed the relationship so that they stopped reaching out and i could stop expending energy into dodging them. in my head if someone has pissed me off, it means that its going to keep happening and theyve just finally shown me their true colours so i might as well get out now or detach myself so im not going to emotionally invested enough to get annoyed again in the future. essentially this means i stop caring about them at all. as for how fear factors in; it goes a pretty long way back into people being fundamentally untrustworthy and only beneficial in as much as i can get from them. if im putting up with more than im getting out of it, id just walk away because everyone is out for themselves and of course that applies to me too. thats the way ive been taught the world works, and if im not getting any emotional backlash for doing that, why wouldnt i? it just makes sense. im fundamentally out for myself because no one else has been there to help when i needed them in the past.

from an npd perspective, if someones annoying me its likely because i am thinking of myself as being vastly superior to them and find the annoying quirks of them to be proof of their inferiority. the fact that theyve disagreed with me or fought me on something means they dont have the degree of respect and admiration for me that they should. this usually leads to me discarding them out of frustration and ill push them away by just showing less and less interest in them, or the ways i would that i mentioned above. the fear here, as you may be able to guess, is being wrong and being weaker/worse/unworthy. for me, being right and being more esteemed than my peers was a matter of survival in my childhood, and now if someone is starting to chip into the veneer or perfection ive built and maintained they have become a threat and i have to separate before they see too much and i lose everything.

now i dont know why you - orginal messager - asked this question, or why anyone else might be looking for this informatio. i can come up with a few guesses though, so im gonna add a couple things that applies to prosocials and other things that apply to antisocials and narcissists. but ill tuck that away so you can ignore my advice if you want to and just take the analysis.

prosocials - if you have a friend with either of these personality disorders and they are beginning to withdraw theres a choice before you. firstly, you can let them. you can recognise that this person doesnt want to associate with you anymore for whatever reason and allow yourself to be at peace with that. im sure it hurts, especially after what ive said about my reasons for doing this, but if you think you are better off just letting this one go, i support that and encourage you to just slip away with a clean break.

the other option you have, if you want to try your best to keep that person with you, is to address it plain as day. its uncomfortable, yes, but try not to be confrontational. a simple 'hey, ive noticed you distancing yourself and withdrawing and i wanted to check in and find out why and whether or not we can resolve this'. perhaps its cold of me to ask this of you, im not entirely certain one way or the other. but you deserve to try and make it work if thats what you want, and the only way that happens is by addressing the problems and really, truly understanding that the behaviours we exhibit come from a place of fear and the memory of pain. they are trauma disorders. and while trauma does not excuse harmful behaviours it does no one any favours to ignore that its the root of the problem. maybe your friend will brush you off, thats true. they might not be ready to look deeper and thats their right. at which point youve done all you can and now you need to prioritise yourself. but maybe youll make your friend reevaluate, maybe they want to heal. and you can be such a huge part of that by just asking the questions and really listening to the response. its hard work, i know, but i will always be so grateful for the people who made me stop and look at myself and really see.

the third choice is you pretend its not happening and just wait to see if they get past it and come back. they might, its not implausible, but to me this feels like inviting yourself to be treated poorly again later when symptoms flare again and those fears react to something you dont understand or know about.

pwASPD and/or NPD - im not going to try and tell you that you owe it to the people around you to recover. im never saying that. recovery is your decision and it should only be for you. i chose recovery because i wanted to see what i wasnt able to before, and it has been so fucking hard. but id do it again in a heartbeat. its important to note though that i got lucky. really really fucking lucky, and id be doing you a disservice if i pretended otherwise. on that note, here is my advice for those who want to get better and those who dont:

if you dont, if you dont want to see the fear that is reacting to the perceived threat, if its still too painful to look at, just dont. let yourself be blind to it and find comfort in the ways you can. its not cowardly, and its not pathetic. sometimes forcing yourself to stare into a fire is more damaging than its worth, and you are the only one who can decide if it is or not. only you know how close to that fire you are. perhaps its better to distance yourself from this person even if its just for now, or perhaps its better to leave entirely. it depends on how uncomfortable you feel. but i suggest figuring it out quickly and saving yourself the trouble that will come if you string someone along for too long. its always blown up in my face eventually, for what my experience is worth, so deciding on your next move sooner than later saves you a lot of trouble. but perhaps the perks are better than the blow up later on. who am i to say.

if you do want to recover though, firstly, give yourself some credit. the way you are reacting is because this has kept you alive and safe this long, dont let yourself forget that. you arent ridiculous or pathetic or cowardly or whatever else your brain might be saying you are. you are alive, and you are deciding to grow past your trauma and the responses youve learnt to cope with it and thats fucking huge. dont forget it. now the first thing you want to do is really look at what is making you uncomfortable. something is, but itll take some digging. these survival methods run deep, and tracing back to the root of the issue will take time and a lot of work and so much fucking courage. its not easy, im not going to lie, but you can do it. you are worth the time and the work it takes to get the things you want for yourself. find out whats messing with you and see how you can resolve it, either by discussing it with your friend and letting them support you or just rationalising it with yourself. understand that you are able to keep yourself safe, you just have to figure out what you are afraid of being vulnerable to. youre going to be ok, and for the record, im really proud of you.

obviously to everyone: do whatever the fuck you want to forever. im not here to tell you to change your entire life just because i say you should, even im not that egotistical. im just offering my experiences and observations, its up to you what you do with them.

[connorjared]

there are so many things I could say and back up with my annotations but there are some things I want to say

- connor is an unreliable narrator, but in an interesting way. unlike evan, connor's text is purposely written like he's trying to seem WORSE than he is. that's why I think rereading the book as an adult (especially if you have worked with kids) is so incredibly tragic. it's easier to see every way he was utterly failed both personally and systemically when you are no longer the child being failed personally and systemically

- connor is canonically a victim of the troubled teen industry and says it was BETTER than rehab. this genuinely breaks my heart because you can catch little pieces of CPTSD throughout his text and dialogue—he becomes extremely defensive and assumes evan is "tricking him into looking crazy," he states relief there's no longer anyone "waiting around the corner to catch him or check for red in his eyes" this child was treated like a criminal and the one place he felt safe in was removed when he chose to take the blame for something that he didn't do (see below)

- connor taking the fall for his... situationshipfriend miguel because he knew his parents were rich enough and he was white enough to get a more lenient punishment for WEED (which. the criminalization of that and the stigma is a whole OTHER thing) this haunts me. the act itself is noble, unhealthily self sacrificing, but that's not what gets me. his proclaimed friend not only allows him to do this, but even after connor GOES TO REHAB FOR HIM miguel doesn't tell his own mom the truth, causing her to ban the two of them hanging out and connor LOSES his only safe space right after undergoing rehab that he never even needed

- connor canonically has been put on and off multiple medications , we unfortunately don't know when this started but we DO know it was not in his control. SSRIs take a long time to work and shouldn't be switched quickly even for adults, let alone teenagers, and they ESPECIALLY should not be used as stand-ins for accommodations of a disability. there's far more I could say about other medications this might have been such as an SNRI (which connor has said to have less than favorable opinions of) and this is possibly even MORE concerning

- there has been a BUZZ on tiktok about how zoe was a girl icon for being forced to mourn her "abusive brother" and while they definitely had a toxic sibling dynamic fed by their toxic parental dynamic, the idea the toxicity was one sided is just... wrong. not even subjectively, the narrative WANTS you to know this is wrong, at least in the book. the musical... lets just say, im glad they wrote the book. it doesn't undo the honestly pretty shit messaging of the musical, but it adds context that helps derail claims like the one above that add further stigma to victims of suicide. zoe is verbally degrading to connor in recollections and in the small amount of time we hear her speak about him (though, this does change as her character develops throughout the book and she begins to mourn him properly.) zoe is a glass child. she resents all of the negative attention connor received because she didn't get any attention at all. so, she often sides with larry through the book, who is said to have more or less gotten tired of connor and considered him attention seeking, which would be something INCREDIBLY validating for a glass child to hear. zoe is, unfortunately and ironically, often written with detail but no substance. evan, who I could talk about at length and very angrily, constantly prattles small things he notices about her—but, and im not sure if this is the author's intention or not, she barely gets any true characterization outside of her interactions with others, which strangely almost makes her a side character (which i suppose she is) but there are some core parts of HER identity and her character alone that can be picked up throughout the book and i could go on for hours about that and i will not now but i will

- i didn't even touch on cynthia and larry and their abuse (yes! people can love their children and be abusive) but by god i will. by god

dear evan hansen fandom please interact. if u disagree i will probably point an autism beam at you in the form of a personally crafted video essay on why I am right and you are wrong. I have read this book inside and out

[deliwrites]

𝔽𝕒𝕔𝕖𝕥𝕚𝕞𝕖 // Dream

// DATE // 13th of October 2022 // PAIRING // Dreamwastaken x Reader // WARNING // masterbation, phone sex, pet names // WORDS // 2,8k // SUMMARY // Dream was going around face timing friends for the first time. He let me know I would be one of them. // SERIES // Part 1 // Part 2 // Part 3 //

// MASTERLIST // ANONLIST //

I sat in front of my set-up. I was a Minecraft YouTuber just like Dream. This is how we met in the first place. I wasn’t faceless like him tho. He was the reason I made manhunt videos as well. I, of course, gave him credit every single time. I didn’t want him to think I was taking his video and claiming it as mine. In his videos, it was men hunting him and in mine, it was females hunting me.

I don’t know how, when or where, but Dream found my channel. Just as it was taking off. Maybe he found me because I had started to become more popular. I will have to ask him sometime.

He got in contact with me over Twitter. It wasn’t anything significant. More a message like; ‘Hey, I noticed you make similar video’s as me. They’re awesome! Thanks for the credit btw’. It felt like an automated message but I still responded.

I let him know how he is an inspiration to me and that I hoped he was fine with me - basically - copying him. To my surprise, he responded. He was super cool about it. He even came up with the idea to mix the groups. So about a year ago, we posted a video on his channel; “Minecraft Manhunt Two Speedrunners VS Ten Hunters”. It got a lot of attention and we’ve basically been friends ever since. It got so much attention. We ended up making 4 more. Just so it had an ending like the rest of them. We were going 2 vs 2 with the wins. So either party had to win the last match and they would win in total.

Who would have guessed, Dream and I ended up winning the last one. Which happened 3 months ago. We only won because of me I might add. Dream ended up dying just before we killed the dragon. Three more hits after I pulled out of a fight. Pearling into the ring. I finished off the dragon. Dream and I cheered while the others screamed in disbelief.

I was expecting contact to fade when we were done with all the videos. Though, to my surprise that wasn’t the case. We still texted and even called. We talked almost every day. I really liked our friendship. But I hated to admit it.

I was falling for him. Hard. I would like for us to be more if I was honest. Sure, I had no idea what he looked like - tho I was going to find out soon - but he was such a sweetheart. I’ve definitely been flirting with him. No shame there. I think he’s been flirting back, but I’m not sure. We’ve had many flirty jokes and suggestive conversations. I have no clue how much male friends talk to each other about kinks. But I was sure I knew more about that side of him than George or Sapnap.

Turning on my camera, I wait patiently for him to call me.

Dreamy Poo 💚

A squeak escapes me as I quickly press record on the camera.

“Look, guys, he’s calling!” I tell the camera. Shamelessly showing off what Clay is called on my phone. Picking up the phone when I turn it back to me, I cover my eyes. Nervous - as fuck - about seeing him

“Hey, Y/n,” His comforting voice rings through the phone quietly.

“Wait, shit, I didn’t put you on speaker!” I groan in frustration to myself.

“Then put me on speaker,” I can hear him laugh at my idiocy.

“I don’t want to see you yet, I’m nervous!” I tell him. Hanging my head, pouting slightly. A soft chuckle comes from him.

“Alright, I’ll cover the camera,” he starts. “You put me on speaker, and let me know when I can uncover the camera. Alright?”

“Yeah, okay.”

“Alright, it’s covered,” peeking through my fingers slightly. The screen is black beside the buttons. I quickly put him on speaker. Giving my camera a look for my stupidity. Squeezing my eyes shut I shake my head softly.

“Okay, I’m ready,” I tell Clay.

“Really, you’re still keeping your eyes closed?” he asks chuckling in disbelief.

“Dream! Don’t judge me!” I whine getting another laugh from him.

“Alright, I’ll just stay here, waiting,” I hear a thunk like he put his phone down on something. Out of curiosity, I open one eye just enough to check my phone. A slight pout on his face catches my eye. An audible gasp leaves my lips. I open both eyes and just stare at him. Mouth agape. He was looking away slightly. After hearing my gasp he looks back at the screen. His pout fading into a smile.

“No,” is the first coherent word that comes out. Clay shakes his head, chuckling softly as I stare at him. Frozen in my spot.

“What’s that supposed to mean!”

“You’re fucking gorgeous!” I say before my thoughts could catch up. A blush almost instantly flushed my cheeks. His cheeks seem to tint a little pink as well at my outburst. “I mean! No! You can’t be this beautiful!” I try to recover and find confidence in what I’m saying. A bright smile takes place on Clay’s face. He is sitting more relaxed in his gaming chair. It was then that I notice he had set his phone up on his desk. Either sitting on something or leaning against something. Angling it just right where I could see from the top of his head, all the way to his jean-covered knees.

Letting out little confused noises, I lean forward in my gaming chair. Left elbow on my knee, head resting on my left hand. My right hand holding my phone. I wasn’t sure if I was still in frame of my camera but I couldn’t care less at this point.

I was just staring at him in amazement. His eyes were so gorgeous, his smile is gorgeous, god I could stare at him all day and not get bored. Though I wasn’t distracted enough to not notice him glancing down at me. I decide then to tease him with that later. First I needed a video for Twitter.

“I can’t believe you’re real,” I tell him, getting another laugh from him.

“Yep, I’m definitely real. You can ask Sapnap if you don’t believe me,” he chuckles.

“I believe you.”

“Good,” he grins.

“Who else have you called?” I decide to ask.

“You are actually the first I called today, others were a little busy at this time.”

“Woah, I wasn’t even your first pick, I’m offended!” I tell him loudly, tho there is obvious sarcasm in my voice. “Bye!” I fake hanging up. Noting that that’s where I should cut the video before posting it on Twitter.

“No!” Clay sounds a little desperate making me chuckle.

“Don’t worry, I wasn’t going to actually hang up,” I tell him in a whisper. “There is something I wanna talk to you about,” I smirk, sitting back in my chair, I hover my phone slightly above me. “I noticed your eyes wandered a bit,” I start smugly. His eyes widen and I can tell he’s about to deny it. “Don’t bother denying it,” I chuckle. “I don’t mind either way.”

“Wait, what?” he seems a little confused at my comment. “You don’t mind that I was checking you out?”

“Aha, so you admit it,” I giggle, grinning. I poke my tongue out in a teasing manner. He groans and rolls his eyes, a smile still gracing his face.

“Okay, yes, I did,” he says reluctantly, though there is a smirk playing at the corner of his lip. “You’re absolutely stunning, how could I not.”

“Why thank you, Clay,” doing something that I was possibly going to regret later. I swiftly pull at the short crop top I was wearing. Showing off the black lace bra I was wearing underneath. “You like the look of these?” I ask him. Unsure where this confidence was coming from. Looking down at his lean body I notice him shuffling in his seat. Which gave me even more confidence.

“Damn it, yes,” he breathes out like he was trying to not let this escalate. But I could tell he was already too into this.

“I can tell,” I smirk. “I can see a little bludge forming,” I lick my top lip in anticipation. Tho, to my surprise a smirk starts to form on his lips now as well.

“Does it excite you, that you have this effect on me?” my eyes widen slightly at his words. Only then becoming painfully aware of the wetness and pressure between my legs. A blush spread on my cheeks. “I take that as a ‘yes’,” his voice is deep as he chuckles.

I counter his confidence by taking off the crop top. I swear I saw the tent in his jeans twitch just slightly. Positioning my phone on my desk, similarly to how he has his phone. Standing up, I shimmy out of the short pleated skirt I was wearing. Leaving me in nothing but my matching lace lingerie and white thigh-high socks.

“God, you’re a tease,” he groans softly. His shirt is quick to disappear as well. Followed by his jeans being lowered. A relieved sigh left his lips. Having taken a little bit of the pressure off his hard dick.

“You already knew that, Clay,” I stick out my tongue at him. This wasn’t the first time I teased him. Before I would just send him a spicy pic. The smirk never left my lips. I loved that I was able to do this to him. Turning away from the phone, my ass in full view. I can feel it jiggle as I take the few steps back to my chair. Having pushed it a bit away when I set up my phone and took off the skirt. I swear I heard a ‘fuck’ leave his lips. Sitting back down my tits jiggle with the bounce. Looking at my phone. He’s starting gently stroking his member over his boxers.

“God you’re gorgeous,” he tells me, making me swoon just a little. “Will you play with your tits for me?” his voice is filled with slight authority, making his question more of a demand. Not that I would decline. I would answer to his every wish if I could. I don’t answer verbally. Instead deciding to reach behind me. Unclipping my bra. I don’t let it fall just yet. Leaving it to hang loosely on my shoulder. Both of my hands slide from my ribs to cup my breasts. Pushing them together making them seem bigger. That does the trick of making the bra slide down. Smirking I cover my boobs with one hand, throwing the bra somewhere in the room.

Looking at my phone, I see he’s decided to stop torturing himself. Having freed his dick from his constricting boxers. His right hand was slowly stroking himself up and down, thumb pressing down on the glistening tip. I lick my lips at the sight. We had done something similar to this once, though I obviously wasn’t able to see him then.

Cupping my breasts once, I pinch my nipples, soft moans leaving my lips at that. I was kinda sad that I was wearing black lace. Was it any other colour, I could have shown him just how wet this made me. The slight breeze in my room let me know just how soaked I was.

“Clay,” I start softly. Sliding my hands down, I wait for his eyes to connect with mine. “I want you to watch me.”

“I am,” he tells me a little breathless. Smirking I slide my thumbs under the hem of my panties, sliding them down my legs. Kicking them off. I pull my knees up, spreading my legs. I sink down in my chair a little. Legs hanging in the air. Putting my wet cunt on full display for him. “Look at you. Putting yourself on full display for me,” a blush graces my cheeks at the praises he was giving me. “Out here pleasing me like a good kitten,” the pet name leaving his lips has my lips flutter. “You like that, don’t you,” he smirks, voice dark. “You like being a good girl for me,” the dark tone in his voice does things to me. I’m getting drunk just of his voice.

Reaching between my legs with slim fingers. I spread my folds, slick already running down in expectancy. Fuck, I was so wet. Dipping a finger in I imagine it being his finger. Quickly adding another. Curling my fingers as I thrust them in and out. Playing with my clit with my thumb. Watching Clay pick up the pace with his hand. Matching my pace. ‘God, I wish I was with you.’

“Me too,” he smirks. Looking directly at my pussy. Glistening in the studio light. Moans and gasps left my lips as I abused my clit with frantic strokes. The thrusts becoming quicker by the second. Not even registering that I had said my thought out loud. “I can just imagine sitting on my knees in front of you. Eating you out, leaving you a moaning mess as you are now.”

“Oh, please, do that!” I moan out. Closing my eyes I picture him doing just that. The thought of his mouth of me. Sucking at my clit, tongue thrusting inside me. Adding his fingers to make it feel just that much better.

“Are you gonna cum for me, kitten?” I’m not sure if he actually said that, or if I was imagining it, but I begged for it.

“Please,” I beg like I was deprived of an orgasm for days. I, so desperately wanted to show him, how good this made me feel. How fucking hot it was for me to hold onto this confidence. Watching him jerk off to me was so hot. I loved that I had this effect on him. I loved that I was enough.

His dark chuckle rings through my ears. “Alright, baby. Cum with me and next time I’ll fill you up, alright?” I couldn’t answer him. Him just saying that had me falling off the edge. My eyes closed tightly as my orgasm ripped through me. I was breathing heavily, stroking out my orgasm. After having calmed down I open my eyes slowly. Chest still heaving up and down rapidly. Looking at my phone, Dream is in the same state as me. Cum glistened on his stomach. “Good girl, squirting for me like that,” he breathes out when he sees I have my eyes open again.

My eyes widen at his comment. “Wait! I squirted!?” I gasp, all of my energy suddenly back. Looking between my legs I suddenly became aware of a lot more wetness than I’m used to, pooling around my cheeks. Along with obvious dark spots on my white carpet. Dream chuckles softly. ‘Cute,’ he thought.

We calmed down a little more, both of us leaving our chairs for a little. I went to grab a towel and a wet cloth. I was still amazed that I squirted, I didn’t know I could do that. Cleaning up the pool on my gaming chair as well as between my shaky legs. I wiped myself down with the wet cloth. Cooling my skin before slipping into clean underwear, deciding on snuggling into a pair of sweatpants and a Dream hoodie. Taking a seat once more, a blush slowly flushed my cheeks. All the confidence I had left me slowly now that the act was over.

Scooting the chair closer to the desk, I look at Clay suddenly feeling shy. Pulling up my knees, I set my feet down on the chair, wrapping my arms around my knees. He still seemed to be confident in this whole situation. He was wearing the same clothes as before, his shirt a little more wrinkled now. He seemed to be just admiring me but I couldn’t stand the silence right now.

“So… that was something,” I end up mumbling. A gentle smile played on Clay’s lips. Seeming to catch on to my change of demeanour.

“It was,” he spoke gently. “I wasn’t expecting it. Though, I loved every second of it,” a soft smile formed on my lips from that. “I meant what I said tho,” I sent him a look of slight confusion, tilting my head sideways. “Next time, I’ll come fill you up,” his smirk is back. My blush darkens as I hide my face in my knees. A chuckle came from him.

Soon after, we end the call. After making a quick cut of the video that had also recorded our spicy episode. I posted the ‘safe for work’ part to Twitter. Deciding to send the ‘not safe for work’ part to Clay.

// MASTERLIST // ANONLIST //

// SERIES // Part 1 // Part 2 // Part 3 //

[odinsblog]

Arnold Schwarzenegger, MAR 17, 2022

Full transcript below the cut

Hello everybody, and thank you for sharing your time with me. I'm sending this message through various different channels to reach my dear Russian friends, and the Russian soldiers serving in Ukraine.

I'm speaking to you today because there are things that are going on in the world that are being kept from you—terrible things that you should know about. But before I talk about the harsh realities, let me just talk about the Russian who became my hero.

In 1961 when I was 14 years-old, a very good friend of mine invited me to come to Vienna to watch the World Weightlifting Championship. I was in the audience when Yuri Petrovich Vlasov won the World Championship title, becoming the first human being to lift 200 kilograms over his head. And somehow a friend of mine got me backstage.

All of a sudden, there I was, a 14-year-old boy standing in front of the strongest man in the world. I couldn't believe it. He reached out to shake my hand—I mean, I still had a boy's hand. He had this powerful man's hand that swallowed mine, but he was kind, and he smiled at me. I will never forget that day. Never.

I went home and I put his photo above my bed to inspire me when I started lifting weights. My father told me to take down that picture and to find a German or an Austrian hero. He got really angry, and we argued back and forth.

He didn't like Russians, because of his experience in the second World War. You see, he was injured at Leningrad, where the Nazi army that he was part of did vicious harm to the great city and to its brave people. But I did not take the photograph down, no. Because it didn't matter to me what flag Yuri Vlasov carried.

My connections to Russia didn't stop there, by the way. Oh, it actually deepened when I traveled there, with bodybuilding and for my movies and met all my Russian fans.

And then one of those trips I remember I met Yuri Vlasov once again. It was in Moscow during the filming of Red Heat, which was the first American movie allowed to film in Red Square. Now, he and I spent the day together. He was so thoughtful, so kind, and so smart. And, of course, very giving. He gave me this beautiful, blue coffee cup. And ever since then I've been drinking my coffee out of it every morning.

Now, the reason why I'm telling you all of those things is that ever since I was 14 years old, I've had nothing but affections and respect for the people of Russia. The strength and the heart of the Russian people have always inspired me.

And that is why I hope that you will let me tell you the truth about the war in the Ukraine and what is happening there.

No one likes to hear something critical of their government. I understand that. But, as a longtime friend of the Russian people, I hope that you will hear what I have to say. And may I remind you that I speak with the same heartfelt concern as I spoke to the American people when there was an attempted insurrection on January sixth last year, when a wild crowd was storming the U.S. Capital, trying to overthrow our government.

You see, there are moments like this that are so wrong, and then we have to speak up. This is exactly the same with your government. I know that your government has told you that this is a war to denazify Ukraine. Denazify Ukraine? This is not true! Ukraine is a country with a Jewish president. A Jewish president, I might add, whose father's three brothers were all murdered by the Nazis.

You see, Ukraine did not start this war. Neither did nationalists or Nazis. Those in power in the Kremlin started this war. This is not the Russian people's war. No. As a matter of fact, let me tell you, what you should know is that 141 nations at the U.N. voted that Russia was the aggressor. They called for it to remove its troops immediately.

Only four countries in the entire world voted with Russia. That is a fact. See, the world has turned against Russia because of its actions in the Ukraine. Whole city blocks have been flattened by Russian artillery and bombs, including a children's hospital and a maternity ward. Three million Ukrainian refugees—mainly women, children, and the elderly—fled their country, and many more are trying to seek to get out.

It is a humanitarian crisis. Because of its brutality, Russia is now isolated from the society of nations.

You're also not being told the truth about the consequences of this war on Russia itself. I regret to tell you that thousands of Russian soldiers have been killed. They have been caught between the Ukrainians fighting for their homeland and the Russian leadership fighting for conquest.

Massive amounts of Russian equipment have been destroyed or abandoned. The destruction that Russian bombs are raining down upon innocent civilians has so outraged the world that the strongest global economic sanctions ever taken have been imposed on your country. Those who don't deserve it on both sides of the war will suffer.

The Russian government has lied, not only to the citizens, but to its soldiers. Some of the soldiers were told they were going to fight Nazis. Some were told that the Ukrainian people would greet them like heroes. And some were told that they were simply going on exercises—they didn't even know that they were going into war. And some were told that they were there to protect ethnic Russians in Ukraine. None of this is true.

The fact is that Russian soldiers have faced fierce resistance from the Ukrainians who want to protect their families and their country. When I see babies being pulled out of ruins, I think that I am watching a documentary about the horrors of the Second World War, not the the news of today.

Now let me tell you, when my father arrived in Leningrad, he was all pumped up on the lies of his government. And when he left Leningrad, he was broken, physically and mentally. He lived the rest of his life in pain. Pain from a broken back, pain from the shrapnel that always reminded him of those terrible years. And pain from the guilt that he felt.

To the Russian soldiers listening to this broadcast, you already know much of the truth that I've been speaking. You have seen it with your own eyes. I don't want you to be broken like my father. This is not the war to defend Russia that your grandfathers or your great-grandfathers fought. This is an illegal war.

Your lives, your limbs, your futures, are being sacrificed for a senseless war condemned by the entire world.

Now, to those in power in the Kremlin, let me just ask you: Why would you sacrifice those young men for your own ambitions?

To the soldiers who are listening to this, remember that 11 million Russians have family connections to Ukraine. So every bullet you shoot, you shoot a brother or a sister. Every bomb or every shell that falls, is falling not on an enemy but on a school, or a hospital, or a home. I know that the Russian people are not aware that such things are happening.

So I urge the Russian people and the Russian soldiers in Ukraine to understand the propaganda and the disinformation that you are being told. I ask you to help me spread the truth. Let your fellow Russians know the human catastrophe that is happening in Ukraine.

And to President Putin, I say: You started this war. You are leading this war. You can stop this war.

Now let me close with a message to all of the Russians who have been protesting in the streets against the invasion of Ukraine: The world has seen your bravery. We know that you have suffered the consequences of your courage. You have been arrested. You have been jailed. And you have been beaten. You are my new heroes.

You have the strength of Yuri Petrovich Vlasov. You have the true heart of Russia. My dear Russian friends, may God bless you all.

(source)

[honey-minded-hivemind]

We must be psychically linked for real cause I was just thinking of the dark au and you start working on it again LMAO. Me personally I think reader should have some kinda mutation that allows them to copy other mutations or a time/dimension jump one so it could be revealed that oops! reader accidentally sent all of them away! And cause some big feelings in the yans, like they want to blame reader for what happened but they still love them so dearly and it wouldn’t be fair to reader who is still learning and growing their powers to be solely blamed, or it’s a wrong place wrong time type thing where reader and one of the teens powers interact in such a way that they get sent to where ever they are/stuck in the time stream a la batman the return of Bruce Wayne

Spino

That is a good idea, Spino Anon! It's really creative! I don't know if that's how I will write the au, but you have given me a thought or two on how to explain the four teens ending up in the dark future/au. I hope you are doing alright! I think as a treat, I can do a few headcanons I have for the Dark AU.... Let's do it:

• I headcanon that for the Dark AU, it's set in a reboot-esque au of X-Men Evolution, so things are mostly the same, but a little different. Such as more found family dynamics and less trying to toss children and rivals off of cliffs ( it's a reboot/retelling/reimagining due to platonic yandere stuff/adding Reader/adding more adventures/wanting to rewrite certain scenes/wanting to add further to it/etc.)

• Reader is a friend to both groups of teens, and likely joined one, if not both, at some point

• Reader took care of the others a lot. Reminding them to eat (mostly the adults for that, plus a handful of the teens, Reader would also make dinner/breakfast/snacks/treats for the platonic yans, maybe teaching a teen or two how to cook)... making art and craft projects for them (such as handmade scarves or stuffed animals, friendship bracelets and best friend necklaces, even full canvas paintings and notebooks full of sketches and drawings)... having small (platonic) dates where Reader does something they (the teen/s or adult/s) want to do, but can't do with the others or that doesn't interest the others... Reader was the sort to toss a blanket around someone if they fell asleep on the couch, made coffee or hot chocolate in the mornings/nights when it was cold, just trying to keep their friends family happy and cared for

• Reader was friends and still is in this au with the other teens who had the bad thing happen to them (being Kurt, Kitty, and Pietro). Probably was the one who played it straight between the four, still a bit more light-hearted and joking, but more toned down. I am undecided if Reader is the same age, older, or younger than them

• When the bad thing happens, let's just say the remaining X-Men and Brotherhood kinda... lost it. I mentioned before a person or multiple persons was behind what happened, but I never went into full detail on what it might have been. Whatever it was (no spoilers yet!) led the platonic yans to believe that they were dead, and that it wasn't quick or painless. They know it wasn't an accident. So they go mad with grief, in a way. They take vengeance on those who caused it, more-or-less send a message out warning what happens if anyone targets their loved ones, and (maybe?) take control over the world... Or at least parts of New York and Canada...

• The platonic yans become more... dark. If they were holding their punches before... they aren't now. They become ruthless when dealing with enemies, they learn new skills and tricks and tactics, they aren't going to let the same thing that happened in the past happen now

• I imagine that it's somewhere between three to five years before Reader and the others end up in the future/au, and they are still wounded from what happened. The worst of their wounds healed up enough, but not everything else, so they aren't as quick or as fast as they want to be when moving through the changed world around them

• When they are found to be alive and are confirmed to be the Dark AU platonic yans kids/friends/siblings, the platonic yans are hunting them down as fast as they can. They don't want them to disappear, they don't want them to die, and they aren't about to have them ripped away from them again. Even if it means they have to keep them under house arrest or sedated or otherwise...

(And this is what I can say without revealing any spoilers! Enjoy😊💛🧡🍯🐝)

[petallmei]

This is for my TCC girlies as a kind advice and words from a girl attending uni, in her early 20s, with the past of 3 crushes on teachers. The last one made me ditch the rose colored glasses for good. And y'all should do it too. Or least put them down occasionally so you can see better. I'm not saying that all teachers are like that. Not at all. You can have sympathy for them, they can help you a lot with research and possibly you can even become good friends. All I'm saying is not everyone has your best interest in mind and it applies to life in general unfortunately. This year, I was obsessing over my teacher badly. Later I found out that he divorced his first wife with whom he had a kid and is now divorcing his second wife because he cheated on her. The relationship with him could never be the one I really want. I was laser focused on the idealized version of him. Be wary of that. You have to allow yourself to see the person for who he really is, not the potential of him. He might be this calm, handsome, intriguing...add whatever quality you want person. You might even relate to them. A lot. They might have those qualities or it could be just a facade and underneath they are hiding their carelessness, anger and bitterness. YOUR needs matter. I cared so much about being perfect for people who couldn't care less and forgot to be perfect for myself. Because for the right people, you're going to be perfect just the way you are. I thought I was in love. The truth is, I was never in love. Because love is oh so different. Me, you, we deserve nothing less than that. This is my message for y'all as we're approaching the New Year.

I'd like to educate people and share this story and possible other ones and make some sort of impact if possible. So if y'all know of any platform suitable for this, let me know. Maybe I'd even create a chat group or something for us to share it all. The good the bad and help each other grow.

[cowgurrrl]

ok what am I supposed to do now the one for the money, two for the show is done!!!?! I would love more lord while I go back a reread everything from the beginning!

If you’re taking requests maybe quick snapshots of the year apart? Not to get too personal but I have a crush and I’ve been stalking their social media but like in a chill way (or I’m trying to) I imagine reader and Joel both seeing each others accomplishments or posts or being tagged in things and just being happy for each other but also….the longing

A Soulmate Who Wasn't Meant to Be

Pairing: rockstar!joel miller x actress!reader

Author's note: this is so angsty i'm sorry

Summary: This ask

Warnings: angst, yearning, oh it's so sad

Joel Miller's New Album Set to Break Records

Everything We Know About Joel Miller's New Album Glass House

Glass House Expected to Go Platinum Before Next Month

What Songs on Joel Miller's New Album Are About Famous Actress Ex?

You almost text Joel about the headlines and theories flooding your timeline. Almost. You actually started typing out a message before reading the last message you sent him almost four months ago and quickly deleting it. You're happy for him. You really are. In the pictures from his album release party, he looked insanely happy, posing with Ellie and Sarah and hugging his musician friends in celebration. He even played one of his newest songs, "Love-in-idleness," at the party with only his acoustic guitar and that deep voice of his. You think you would know it's about you even if he didn't tell you about it before you left. Love-in-idleness is the flower used in A Midsummer Night's Dream to make a love potion to unite the couples. It's common knowledge, but Joel might be one of the only people in the world who knows how much that play means to you. The song quickly becomes one of your favorites, but you don't tell him.

You scroll through his social media unashamedly. Dave Grohl and half the world congratulates him on his album release. He's making the music he's always wanted to make. Sarah told you she got into UCLA, and Ellie is drawing again. He's happy. They all are. So, why do you feel so shitty? Neither of you has deleted the pictures of each other from your profiles. It feels like a staring contest, seeing who will hold the torch of your relationship longer. It doesn't help that people are screenshotting the pictures of you together to "add context" to Joel's lyrics. The one that makes you break down is a quick snapshot someone took of you leaning on him in Central Park when you were watching the guitarist with lyrics from "The Yellow Subway." 

She knows more than me. You better believe

That city couldn't hold her right, but then

I couldn't either.

Despite the heartbreaking lyrics, you two look comfortable together— your head on his shoulder and his hand in yours. You cry in between scenes, ruining your makeup and having a mini-therapy session with your makeup artist, Saoirse, as a result. You don't post anything about his new album, but you put on a happy face and post snapshots from your time spent in Ireland thus far. Pitchers of Guinness, the Cliffs of Moher, stunningly green mornings, and a picture of you and the film crew hiding out in a tent while the rain comes down around you. Joel likes the photos but makes no other move to communicate with you.

You wonder if he's torturing himself in the same way you are. You wonder if he's waiting for a headline about you dating someone new like you are for him. You wonder if he's hurting the way you are. Selfishly, you hope he is because that means he still thinks of you. You also want him to hurt because he hurt you. You still love him, but you can't be the woman who crawls back to someone who can't trust her with things, like telling her the mother of his child is back in town. 

This is what's best. It's what needs to happen. You need to be here, working, and he needs to be there, being a dad and making music. It doesn't make it any easier or soothe the ache in your heart, but it's necessary. It's for your own good. Right? 

Right?

[nansheonearth]

I’m sorry if this is an intense thing to ask here but you have reach that I just don’t get on my blog and I’m scared to even pose this question because I feel like there will be a lot of judgment potentially hence the anon…

As a woman in a situation that feels extremely hopeless (basically housewife with no income of my own, 4 pets which makes a lot of housing less accessible not that any of it would be more affordable than the shithole we live in now, mental health struggles/ ASD making employment feel impossible to maintain at full time level) how the fuck do I actually manage to get out of my marriage 🥲 like any and all advice would be welcomed but absolutely don’t want to give up my pets as they’ve basically been all I hold on for. I’m married to a TIM (I bought into trans stuff for a while and considered myself non-binary for years, I’m desisted now) who excuses all their issues with mental health and trauma and has become honestly emotionally abusive and neglects any of my needs. At this point the only reason I am still here is because I cannot fathom any way I could afford to live on my own… I have no friends, my family is abusive so can’t rely on any help there, and I’m terrified that if I left I’d lose my pets and end up on the streets… I feel like in my head the only option is something I did before and absolutely fucking hated and don’t want to go back into because it’s absolutely shameful and brings up so much trauma I have which is cam SW but any time I’ve managed to get a job I cannot maintain enough hours to afford to survive alone, even full time with minimum wage here being $15 I would barely be scraping by and have no extra income beyond absolute necessities. I’ve tried looking for remote work but almost nothing is an option due to not having a degree or any specific skills, I’ve only worked in fast food and low skill care professions that emotionally ruined me. I feel hopeless and like I’m just stuck in a dead end where at best I get a day of good and then weeks of neglect or at the worse times fully emotional abuse, I truly have no clue what to do and I’m feeling like I’d rather just not exist than deal with any of this any longer… I’m just hoping to find ANY resources or advice on how to manage pulling myself out of this place and I’m at a point that I’m so desperate that I’m out here messaging people I don’t even actually know because I have NOBODY in my life who can offer any guidance or help 🥲 again I’m sorry if this is a lot and I know you personally probably don’t have any answer for this I’m just hoping that someone with some reach and access to others in a community who might understand might have any advice for me 😞

Hey I'm sorry you're going through this. I was in an abusive relationship for years and I understand leaving seems impossible while you're in the situation. But you can leave and there is hope.

I would suggest starting by looking into domestic violence support groups first. They can usually later point you to other resources like job placement, mental health care, financial assistance, legal advice, and housing. Be adamant about wanting to keep your pets because many will try to get you to give them up in this situation.

Hopefully people see this and can add more advice. You're not the only woman to have abuse by a transwoman partner and reaching out to other survivors could help.

[use-your-telescope]

When Everything's Made to be Broken - Chapter 5: I'm Looking for a Sign

Summary: Theo begins the onboarding process for becoming an Avenger, and finds some time to sneak away.

Author's Notes: Sorry this is so late in the day! It has been a hectic weekend. This chapter (and the next) really focus on Theo, so there isn't much Loki... but he will be back soon!

If you enjoy, please reblog!! I'm a lil' blog (less than 100 followers, haha) and reblogs really help me out <3 Also, feel free to send me a message or comment if you want to be added to the tag list.

Next chapter should be coming November 12th!

Content Warnings: Canon-typical fighting (there's a training session).

Word Count: 5,525

Read on AO3 | When Everything's Made to be Broken Masterlist

Song: Good to Be Alive - PVRIS

Learning how to swim but the lands are dry Feeling like a shark, If I stop I'll die Things are lit and the blood's on fire Underneath the buzz of the telephone wire All my friends are doing fine While I’m looking for a sign Is this body even mine? Feels good to be alive but I hate my life

Onboarding with the Avengers was akin to drinking from a firehose.

Every waking moment was full - between orientation at the SHIELD Hospital, procedural trainings, mission briefings, and combat simulations, Theo hardly had a moment to breathe, much less think.

Either way, Theo had no interest in showing that the rapid pace was throwing her off her game. Instead, she bit her tongue and kept her wits about her, vigilant for even the slightest indication that something was amiss. Theo wouldn’t speak unless spoken to, and if spoken to she gave the impression of polite compliance - now that she was in the thick of things, stirring the pot would only make it harder to get this over with.

However, there was one element which she protested… Despite her insistence otherwise, part of Theo’s onboarding required being equipped with new armor. 

She hadn’t needed armor before, so it seemed silly. If anything, she needed clothes that let her move freely and without detection. However, Fury insisted that Theo needed additional protection in the event that her magic wasn’t enough. The result was Theo, standing in Tony Stark’s lab, regretting every decision that led her to that moment as the overly smug engineer combed over her appearance with a shit eating grin.

“So, Rapunzel-” Tony leaned back against a table in his lab, crossing his arms. “I hear you need some armor.”

“That depends on who you ask.” Theo’s eyes scanned the room as she crossed her arms, leaning her weight on one foot. “Fury sure thinks so. I’m not convinced.”

It seemed like a standard engineering lab. A mixture of concrete, steel, and glass surrounded them, while harsh lights glared down from above. Scattered around the lab were more computers and machines than anyone knew what to do with, and various employees mulling about as they worked on assorted tasks. One person sautered metal, while another ran tests on what Theo could only assume was the newest rendition of Tony’s infamous suit. Clattering keys, clanking metal, and multiple beeps echoed throughout the sterile space. A metallic smell, tinged with chemicals and burning filled the air.

“Well, that’s where I come in.” Tony winked, picking up some kind of glass tablet and waving it at her. “If you ask nicely, I might even let you customize it.” 

Theo rolled her eyes. “Asking you nicely sounds like too much work.”

“Don’t listen to him.” A woman appeared from around the corner, walking up to the pair with a swagger and a blinding smile that contrasted her umber skin. Her braided hair was twisted up into space buns, which combined with her brightly colored outfit made it painfully obvious just who Theo was speaking to. “I’ll make you better armor, and I’ll let you add whatever features you want without having to ask.” 

Shuri Udaku, the princess of Wakanda. 

For the first time that Theo could remember, she was, officially, starstruck.

“We haven’t officially met…” Theo offered a wry smile and nod to the princess, doing her best to keep her cool.

“I’m Shuri, princess of Wakanda and head of the Wakandan Design Group.” She stuck a hand out to shake, smiling brightly with just a hint of something amusing in her eyes. “Colonizing gave him a big ego, but what he would make is nothing compared to what I can make you.”

Theo couldn’t stifle the laugh that bubbled out of her from the dig at Tony.

“Oh, I like you. I’m Theo.” She took Shuri’s hand, offering a firm shake while praying her hands weren’t too sweaty.

Tony pouted, giving Shuri a dirty look; Shuri smirked at him.

“So what does this armor making process entail?” Theo glanced between the pair, waiting for further instruction.

“First, we’ll have you spar with one of our guys; get a sense for your style. From there, we’ll draw up a base set. You’ll give it a trial run, push the boundaries so we can see what works and what needs adjusting.” Tony explained, watching Theo as she continued observing her surroundings. “Then, we’ll make a final version.”

“Okay…” Given Shuri’s comments on building better armor, Theo suspected Shuri wasn’t her partner. Then again, it didn’t look like anyone there was ready to practice fighting - certainly none of the lab staff, who all but ignored Theo’s presence. Maybe she would be fighting Tony or one of his robots? 

“Okay what?” Tony tapped on the tablet a few times.

“Am I sparring now?” Theo raised her eyebrows at him expectantly as she shrugged, glancing around the room. “I don’t see anyone who looks like they’re ready to fight, much less a space to fight in. Unless you want me to break your equipment, which is probably pretty expensive… Then again, you’re the Avengers’ Sugar Daddy. It’s probably pocket change for you to replace these.”

Shuri snorted at Theo’s comment.

“You’re not fighting here.” Tony rolled his eyes, pressing away from the table and gesturing for Theo to follow. “We have a training lab. Your partner will meet you there.”  

That explained why she was told to come to the lab in clothes she could exercise in. Theo trailed behind, almost having to jog in order to keep up with Tony. “Who am I sparring against?”

Tony stopped in front of a door, pressing some sort of code into a keypad on the wall. The door hissed as it slid open, revealing none other than Captain America himself. 

Oh shit.

Steve smiled, waving to the trio as they entered. Theo, on the other hand, froze in place, her stomach dropping into her feet. Couldn’t they have picked someone with magic, at least? 

“He’ll go easy on you to start.” Tony winked, turning to lead them into another room. 

Theo’s face must have betrayed her reaction - this was not going to go well, but not for the reason Tony Stark thought. 

“Are you sure this is a good idea?” Theo gulped, eyes darting between the others.

“We’ll start simple.” Steve reassured her, following along with the group.

Fury must have held back on explaining Theo’s abilities if he was so calm about their impending duel.

The room that Tony brought them to was empty, save for a collection of cameras around the room and a table filled with sheets of stickers, each no larger than a pea. Mats covered the floor, presumably so that anyone who went down fighting was less likely to be hurt. 

Cute, but a few mats weren’t going to be much help when it came to fighting a mage.

“So, how this works: the cameras will track your motion.” After gesturing to cameras around the room, Tony held up a sheet of stickers. ”These will be stuck to you so we can get a sense of your movements. You fight, then we use the data to design your gear.” 

The thought of sensors stuck all over her body made her cringe. Of the many roles she expected to fill, lab rat was not one of them.

Fury fucking owed her for this. 

“Oh joy...” Theo sighed, resigning herself to her fate. “Fine, let’s do this.”

Shuri brushed past Tony, grabbing the sensors. “I will handle this - I have just the touch.” She smirked at Theo. As she began to place the sensors, she leaned into Theo and whispered, “Kick his ass - I can fix broken white boys.” 

Yes, Shuri was her kind of person.

Theo snickered, but held still so Shuri could continue placing sensors. Shuri made quick work of the task, her touch gentle but firm as she secured each device to Theo’s skin.

Once all the sensors were in place, they were ready to begin. 

“In the interest of full disclosure, I’ve never ‘just sparred’ before.” Theo spoke up, circling around Steve. 

She absolutely had sparred before - hundreds of times. But this way, if she accidentally went too far, she had an excuse. Besides, Steve didn’t have magic, and only fought with a shield.

Really, this was not a fair fight.

“I’m durable, don’t worry.” Steve offered a charming smile. “I can do this all day.”

Theo shook her head, gesturing with one hand to conjure her weapon. Runes slid down her arm, twisting around each other in the air until a blade of shadow appeared in her hand. “I’ve dulled my weapon so it’s not going to slice you open, at least.”

“Awfully kind,” Steve winked, lowering himself into a ready stance. “Ladies first.”

Well, here goes nothing.

Theo took a deep breath, stepping forward and offering the first swing. 

Steve leapt back, darting forward to attempt a blow of his own. 

Theo nimbly jumped to the side, swinging her blade down and landing clean on Steve’s back.

As Steve was knocked to the ground he spun around, attempting to kick out Theo’s feet from beneath her.

Theo leapt over his kick, pressing forward to a somersault in time to pop up and block a punch, taking another swing with her blade.

The two fell into a rhythm of trading blows. Steve certainly had his merits as a fighter - if they were in hand-to-hand combat, he easily could have kicked her ass. But this wasn’t hand to hand combat - Theo had her weapon to give her some distance, and if nothing else she was damn good at dodging anything and everything that attempted to hurt or kill her.

If this was all that was involved, she could do this all day… Well, as long as her lungs held up okay. 

“Are you going to use any of your magic?” Steve grunted, dodging a blow from Theo as he kicked at her.

“I try to only use it against other magic users.” Theo replied, bringing her blade down to block the kick. 

As if he took Theo’s response as a challenge, Steve picked up the pace. Still, Theo had yet to break a sweat. What she lacked in brute strength, she more than made up for in endurance and agility. 

The sensation of being watched by someone new led Theo to do a scan of her surroundings as she blocked a punch from Steve. 

Her instinct was spot on - not just one person, but three new people. Maybe it was a bit of ego, or a flair for the dramatic, but if there was a larger audience… Well, Theo could show off a little bit and it wouldn’t hurt anyone. 

“It seems we have an audience…” Theo commented, tumbling backwards before teleporting behind Steve and hitting him from behind.

“I thought you didn’t use magic against non-magic users.” Steve coughed, then spun around to find her smirking at him. 

Steve threw a punch, only to have it go right through her - it was an illusion. He frantically scanned the room again to find Theo leaning up against the wall, arms crossed as she dangled her sword from her right hand.

“Well, we have an audience.” She repeated with a wry shrug, pointing to the new arrivals with her blade. “Can’t let the new girl disappoint.”

Standing in the entrance, Wanda, Bucky, and Loki watched the two spar. Wanda appeared to be amused by the interaction; Bucky was laughing at Steve, and Loki… 

Well, Theo wasn’t sure if he was amused, unimpressed, or bored.

“Alright, so this should get interesting now, right?” Steve turned to face Theo again, straightening up and squaring his shoulders.

“Perhaps.” Theo kept a straight face as she pushed off the wall, preparing for Steve’s next move.

“Theo, remember what I said – I can fix broken white boys!” Shuri jeered.

A smirk flickered across Theo’s lips. 

Bucky doubled over, howling with laughter as Steve let out a huff.

As long as she stuck to the celestial magic, she’d be fine. 

Steve rushed towards her.

Adrenaline rushed through Theo’s veins. It had been a while since she’d really had a chance to show what she could do; the prospect of flexing her skills felt almost liberating.

No, she needed to keep it under wraps. 

Singing under her breath, a wisp of white shot through her sword. Once Theo stopped, the melody continued to reverberate from the blade, haunting yet almost impossible to hear.

Steve launched forward to throw a blow, but Theo was too quick - she spun and took him down from behind with the hilt of the sword.

“Is your sword singing?” 

“Magicians don’t reveal their secrets,” Theo winked. She jumped back, curling her fingers to gesture for Steve to come get her.

Steve rushed forward, only to find himself shocked with cosmic energy. What the-?” He froze mid-motion, dropping to the ground. “

Shit.

“I didn’t hurt you too bad, did I?” Theo dryly inquired, cocking her head to the side.

That was too strong.

“Well, it wasn’t pleasant…” Steve shook his head, staggering briefly before he returned to his feet. “It’s fine - I can do this all day.”

Yeah, that was stronger than it should have been. But why?

“Sorry, I’ll try to temper it a bit,” Theo apologized, while praying it wasn’t obvious that she used more than she intended.

“Don’t go easy on me.” Regaining his composure, Steve resumed charging at her and throwing blows. Theo took a more defensive approach, focusing solely on dodging blows instead of doing damage while she tried to figure out what made her spell so potent.

“Not to be weird, but what phase is the moon in right now?” Theo tried to make the question as casual as possible, hoping it would come off as small talk and nothing more.

“Don’t tell me you do that horoscope shit.” Tony groaned from the sideline.

“There’s nothing wrong with horoscopes, grandpa.” Theo feigned offense, but she was grateful for Tony’s ignorance as to why she might ask the question. “Besides, Astrology is more real than the stock market.”

Shuri snorted.

“It’s a new moon tonight,” Wanda answered. Theo glanced over to catch the Scarlet Witch staring at her phone, lips pursed as she studied whatever was on the screen.

Well, that explained the magic surge.

“Good to know.” Theo kept a casual tone to her voice, rhythmically moving as she dodged and parried Steve’s attacks.

They sparred for another few minutes; Theo continued to stay away from offensive spells, but occasionally threw in an illusion or teleported so they wouldn’t suspect anything. Even if she wasn’t giving them the best data to build her gear with, she wasn’t going to pull out all the stops until it was actually necessary.

Besides, she didn’t really need the armor in the first place.

“Alright Rapunzel, I think we’ve got enough data to start.” Tony announced, tapping the screen of his tablet with a flourish..

Steve dropped his offensive stance, straightening up while he caught his breath.

“Good match.” The friendly smile Steve flashed indicated that he didn’t seem too upset about being shocked.

“Likewise.” Theo returned the nod as her shadow blade vanished. 

All in all, it wasn’t the most intense workout she’d ever had, but she did get a bit sweaty and was a little out of breath. Maybe Steve was stronger than she gave him credit for. After all, he was a super soldier. 

Then again, she assumed that fighting a super soldier would require enough exertion to make her asthma flare up; given she was still breathing alright, perhaps he also went easy on her.

Whatever - she wasn’t going to dwell on the subject.

Shuri returned to help remove the sensors.

“You held back on him.” She raised an eyebrow at Theo, sending the sorceress a pointed glance before stepping behind Theo to remove the sensors on her back.

Unsure of how else to respond, Theo simply shrugged. “I don’t need to add to my body count.”

Shuri sighed, skepticism written on her features as she leaned around Theo to set the sensors on the table. Perhaps the princess had a better sense of Theo’s powers than she let on. “I told you, I can fix broken white boys.” 

Yeah, but she couldn’t fix a pile of dust.

“I don’t think killing Captain America would be a good way to start my tenure as an Avenger…” Theo raised a challenging brow.

Shuri laughed; apparently she thought it was a joke. Theo offered a thin smile.

“One of these days I will get you down here and test you without limits so I can design you the ultimate armor.” Shuri chided, though she still smiled at the newcomer.

Theo offered a curt nod. “Maybe.”

Shuri’s expression told Theo that she took the answer as a challenge.

At the sensation of a bead of sweat trickling down her temple, Theo grabbed the hem of her t-shirt and yanked it up to dry her skin. As she dropped the fabric, she caught Loki studying her. A sense of curiosity peeked through his piercing gaze, cool green eyes glinting beneath the lights. 

Theo wondered what ran through his mind. Was he trying to figure out if she was actually a threat? Or was he more focused on where she came from?

Once the sensors were off, Theo started towards the door. She had no interest in socializing, plus she wanted nothing more than to shower and wash the sticky, gritty sweat off her skin. 

“Hey Theo, we’re about to head to dinner - do you want to come?”

Enthusiasm colored Wanda’s voice; when Theo turned to face the witch she found Wanda smiling hesitantly, hands shoved in the pockets of her hoodie.

“I appreciate the offer, but I think I’m going to pass,” Theo feigned an interest in the invite, even as she turned it down. “I’m still getting settled in and all.” 

A pang of guilt shot up in Theo at the sight of Wanda’s falling face. She could empathize with the pain of rejection; there were countless times when Theo was a little girl when she asked Rae to play with her, but Rae would decline because she was busy with lessons and far too old to play games. Back then, Theo was too small to understand why, but she could still feel how her chest would twist from being turned down. 

This, however, was different. Between the appearances at her show, the game, and the invites to hang out, it was obvious that Wanda had ulterior motives. After all, Theo was there when Fury told the Avengers that their mission was to get Theo to stay - and what better way to rope her in than to try and be her friend?

Rather than dwell on the matter, she offered a small wave and hurried out of the lab.

This could not be over fast enough.

Lost big dreams that I really don't need Everything I love is gonna find a way to leave Got good friends that I never can see Always on the run while my plans are free I been staying up all night Shaking needles out my spine But the doctor says I'm fine Feels good to be alive but I hate my life

Living on-site was a non-negotiable of the deal (much to Theo’s dismay), but she had to admit it was convenient - she never had to worry about shit going down on the subway when her workplace was an elevator ride away. 

Regardless of where she actually lived, there was one thing she needed to do before anything else: set up a portal to her Mémère’s house. The ritual of creating one long-term portal was tedious, but once set up the long-term portal’s convenience far outweighed the nuisance. Theo visited the family’s matriarch often enough that having a travel method faster than public transit was a necessity, especially with the distance between them. After all, it wasn’t like she had the time to fly back and forth between northern Michigan and New York every weekend.

Creating the portal wasn’t hard; the big challenge was figuring out where to put it. She didn’t want it in her bedroom, since Mémère and Max occasionally used the portals she set up to come visit and the last thing she needed was for them to walk in on her in any number of compromising positions. However, she didn’t want to set it in a location where people would question why she had a misty oval in her wall. After an unnecessary amount of debate, she opted to place it along one of the walls in her main room and take advantage of some well-placed curtains to hide the addition.

With the portal in place, it was time for a field trip.

The crisp air of northern Michigan was a far cry from New York’s heavy, thick skies. It was easier to breathe - not just because there was a lot less pollution, which was notable for someone like Theo, whose lungs were sensitive to smog - but because the nearly silent, still world around her made it easier for the tension to melt from her shoulders and to relax with each inhale and exhale. Michigan was the opposite of New York City, a constantly bustling metropolis where it was all too easy to get lost in the shuffle. 

Theo stepped through the portal to find herself in her grandmother’s equipment shed. That was intentional - no one would think to look there for a portal. Weaving between the farm equipment, she pushed the worn wooden door open and stepped outside. 

Around her, the evergreens that towered above swayed in the breeze, wind whispering through the branches. In front of her stood the farmhouse, with white weathered siding, wide windows, and a wraparound porch that Theo had spent countless nights sitting on. To her left, a worn path led from the porch down to a small beach with a dock, while the waves of Lake Superior lapped up on the shore. She didn’t have to look behind her to know an old, worn out barn stood in its same place, though it had been years since any animals were kept inside.

Out of the corner of her eye, she spotted two vehicles parked along the dirt drive - a red pickup truck and a green subaru outback.

Max must have been visiting.

Theo crossed the distance and ascended onto the porch, approached the front door, gripped the worn brass door knob and turned the handle, pushing her way inside.

“Hello?” Poking her head inside, Theo glanced around the living room to find it empty. She stepped inside, closed the door, and toed off her shoes. The sound of clattering dishes echoed from the kitchen, while two voices floated above in animated conversation.

“Ah, my bichette!” A raspy voice called out, followed by the shuffling of feet. Just before Theo reached the hallway, a petite elderly woman appeared. 

Mémère had seen more than her fair share of life in her many years on Earth, and it showed. Her tan, papery skin held deep wrinkles and age spots dotted themselves across her cheeks and forehead. In the almost fifteen years since Theo had left for college, the matriarch of the Durand family had aged considerably - every time Theo saw her, she swore that Mémère shrunk another inch. Mémère moved considerably slower than in the past, undoubtedly her advanced age catching up to her. Still, she had a bright spark in her amber eyes and a sharp wit that could not be deterred. 

“Hi Mémère,” Theo greeted, embracing her grandmother. Though it had only been a week or so since they’d last been together, it seemed like the elderly woman’s bones were even more prominent, jutting into Theo’s flesh as they hugged. “I saw Max’s car outside - is he here too?”

“Of course I am.” Max appeared over Mémère’s shoulder, arching an eyebrow at his older cousin. “One of us has to keep things in order while you’re off playing superhero.”

“Oh come on, it’s not like–”

“Now now, I do not need you two squabbling to take up my Saturday,” Mémère said, pointedly glaring at the cousins before gesturing for everyone to enter the kitchen. “You both are doing wonderful things, and I’m happy to have you both home. I’ll put some coffee on and we can all catch up. Leenie, have you had lunch? I don’t have many options at the moment, but I can make sandwiches.”

“You’re not going to ask if I’ve had lunch?” Max scoffed, to which Mémère rolled her eyes. 

“My caneton, you’ve been here all morning. I know you haven’t had lunch.”

“Sandwich sounds lovely.” Theo answered, trying not to laugh at Max’s feigned offense.

As they stepped into the kitchen, everything was familiar - the same butcher block countertops, the same painted cabinets. Holiday cards were stuck to the fridge with magnets, and a picture of Theo at her college graduation still hung on the door. Things were so much simpler then.

“So, tell us all about your first days as an Avenger - are you settling in? Have you made any friends?” Mémère gave her a knowing wink, making her way to grab sandwich meat and cheese from the fridge. Theo retrieved plates out of the cabinet, setting them on the counter. 

Theo couldn’t stop herself from laughing at Mémère’s questions. “I’m not really there to make friends, Mémère.”

“No, but you have to live and work with them.” Even if she moved a bit slower than she did ten years ago, Mémère was still sharp enough to pick up on Theo’s unspoken hesitations. “You’d be smart to befriend them, or you may be miserable for the foreseeable future.” 

Sure, Mémère was probably right, but Theo was not about to admit that aloud.

“How are you handling things out here?” Theo changed the subject. “The shed looks like it’s seen better days.”

“Oh, things are fine - Max comes by almost daily to help with things around the farm; he also helps with running errands and such.” Mémère waved a hand dismissively, while Max gave Theo a shit eating grin. “Father Tim - you remember him - he’s also around a lot to help with things.”

Surprisingly, Max did not interject with some snarky comment.

Theo nodded. “And you’ve been okay, health-wise?”

Mémère smiled, though Theo picked up a hint of sadness in her eyes. “I’m fine, bichette. Still kicking. Still here to tease you endlessly.”

Theo laughed softly, shaking her head. “I can’t imagine you doing anything else...”

A silence fell in the room as the final condiments were set out on the countertop.

“This is less fancy than the restaurants you probably go to in New York, but hopefully it still tastes good.” Mémère joked, gesturing to the spread of sandwich toppings. “I’ll let you build your own, so it’s just how you want.”

Theo laughed. “Just because I agreed to join the Avengers doesn’t mean I now scoff at a sandwich.”

While Theo and Max put their sandwiches together, Mémère made sure they each had a cup of coffee poured and at the table. Once the trio assembled their meals, they each took their regular chairs at the kitchen table.

“What have you done so far?”

“Nothing exciting, really.” Theo palmed the ceramic mug in front of her, eyes following the curls of steam as they floated upward. “A lot of onboarding crap. I was supposed to spar with Captain America and that was, uh, interesting. Next week I’m supposed to start doing interviews and shit, but I don’t really get why I’d waste my time with those when I have actual work to do.”

“Told you, playing superhero.” Max interjected, to which Theo scowled.

“I don’t think it’s a waste.” Mémère mused. “Now the world can learn of your gifts. You’ve spent far too long trying to conceal them.”

Mémère always thought the best of Theo, and that went for her magic as well. Despite disagreeing, Theo gave up on trying to convince her otherwise a long time ago.

“Are they gifts?” Theo pondered, studying the barn through the window panes. “There are a lot of people who think they’re curses.”

“They are what you choose to make them.” Mémère reminded her granddaughter. “You’ve chosen to make them gifts, to use them to help people.”

Theo nodded, though she didn’t entirely agree with Mémère’s assessment. She knew Max probably didn’t agree either. The council certainly didn’t.

“How’s work, Max?” Theo tried to change the subject. 

“It’s fine.” Max paused to take a bite of his sandwich. “No complaints.”

“And Ellie, Katie? How are they?”

“Good. Katie’s daycare is now preparing her to start preschool.”

Theo nearly dropped her coffee cup at the news.

“Seriously? She’s a toddler.”

“She’s three, and she’s way ahead of her developmental milestones. The staff think it’s a good idea. Ellie agrees. She’s a pediatrician, so it’s her job to know that kind of stuff.” Max shrugged as if he was completely unaffected by the prospect of his child starting preschool.

“This is what happens when two doctors have a baby, I guess.” Theo muttered to herself. 

Theo may have been the one in the Avengers, but Max was always the responsible and cautious one. It was pretty common for the council members to lament that Theo was the next in line - they claimed it was because she was a loose cannon and unpredictable; that wasn’t the real reason, but none of them would admit the truth to Theo or Mémère’s faces. Still, they weren’t wrong when they pointed out that Max was steadfast and rational. He naturally embodied the characteristics of a wise leader.

Maybe that’s why he was so pissy about her accepting the Avengers gig - until that point, Theo was the one living in Max’s shadow.

Mémère must have sensed the tension between cousins, because she took over the conversation from there. Even if things between Theo and Max were always tense, conversation with Mémère came easily. Beyond trying to catch up on what had happened in Michigan since Theo’s last visit, Mémère had plenty of her own questions about Theo’s transition to being an Avenger. 

Even if they weren’t Theo’s favorite questions, she owed Mémère real answers.

Once they finished their sandwiches, Theo stood and collected the dirty plates, bringing them to the sink so she could wash them.

“How long are you visiting for?” Mémère asked, still sitting at the table.

“Just the afternoon - figured I’d use my first moment of free time since starting to see how things were here, plus grab some stuff to bring back with me.” Theo said, letting out a sigh. “I didn’t tell anyone I was leaving, so I imagine I don’t have long before they start looking for me. They’re kind of obsessive like that.”

“Well, you know where your room is - It’s always ready, whenever you need it. Feel free to head up whenever.”

Given Theo could hardly sneak away for an afternoon, she found it hard to imagine she’d need the bed anytime soon.

Setting the last plate on the drying rack, Theo made her way upstairs. Over all the years she had been here, the whole house had barely changed - same furniture, same photos, same faded wallpaper covering the walls. Her feet carried her down the hall, almost on autopilot as she made her way to her old bedroom. Standing in front of the entrance, Theo took a deep breath, turned the knob and opened the door. 

Inside, the room was still a breath of fresh air - pale yellow walls, big windows with sheer curtains. A queen size bed with a patchwork quilt sat in one corner; one of Theo’s old guitars from when she was here before remained in another corner. Her old Van Gogh poster was still on the wall above her dresser.

Despite remaining exactly as she left it, there was no dust to be found - Mémère must have cleaned the room while she was gone.

She always kept the room ready in case Theo needed to come home.

Theo’s heart twisted at the thought. It was almost enough for her to say “fuck it” and stay – at least for one night. After all, it had been a long time since she actually visited for more than a day or two, and the Avengers needed her, not the other way around; she could make them wait.

However, her cell phone quickly reminded her that wasn’t an option.

“Anyone seen Rapunzel?” The Avengers group chat lit up.

Theo rolled her eyes, but replied anyway.  “Visiting a friend. Be back later.”

Whether she wanted to or not, Theo knew - the show must go on.

So tied up and tired of this self-inflicted fight In spite of, I light up, to leave my demons I tell myself I'm fine while I'm looking for a sign Is this body even mine? Feels good to be alive but I hate my life

[randomstranger24]

So my understanding is that the guy who found the original VHS in the thrift store was part of the plot of the ARG, due to the track listing of the mix being present in the Google cache for the page. Is that correct?

Glad you asked and this too, will be in a bio / explanation post.

Yeah so, there's this genre called “Analog Horror”, it's awesome,,, and originally, my friend who dabbles in filmmaking had this plot to do a found-footage VHS horror movie in 2020 during when everything was shut down because non of us were working so we had a lot of time to kill.

I had this idea of using an ARG for people to solve to lead them down a “Rabbit Hole” as part of an interactive movie project. It would start off pleasant and would progressively get more sinister and darker and even more disturbing the further down you went. My main intention and goal was to hopefully have this project be the subject of topic on a big name youtube channel like “Nexpo”. I figured the music and aesthetic would all be “Old Tunes esc- BoC-inspired” and would give it a more suitable twist. I figured any fans that would ever come across it would take notice instantly that it was “BoC-inspired” or at least the music. I also figured the BoC cover tracks would add a few disturbing layers to the mystique of this “Rabbit Hole” mystery. 

Originally, the inspiration for the name “Strange Soup” was used in the original upload in efforts to connect ties to this twisted bizarrely disturbing 4Chan video entitled “Blank Room Soup (Dark Web Video)” You can do a google search. If you've never seen it before, you might be living under a rock lol. I just mean It's so popular, I'd be shocked if no one hasn't seen it before lol. I'm sure you don't actually live under a rock lol.

Anyway, It was a strange mysterious viral sensation for quite a few years after emerging on 4chan and has been a part of other “Rabbit Holes”. We ended up deleting the original video so that another one could be uploaded in place of it. 

The idea was to incorporate it as part of the story, but we needed to scratch other ideas altogether because the numbers did not properly equate to the letters we needed to start the ARG and time was running out. We also needed the upload date to fall in line with the project's storyline. The creation of these ARG’s are not easy to create. Believe me when I tell you. I’m just some uneducated moron, so figuring this stuff out took trial and error. Even with the help of my friend.    

Now, if all would have gone as planned, we would have opened another account uploading another tape in connection with the thrift store tape. We were in search of materials to craft out costumes like the one’s seen in the “Blank Room Soup” video and wanted to utilize the office space at my friend's school.  

Originally, this is how this should have all played out in order for this horror project to have worked. We needed The first video to be uploaded at a certain date in order to maintain validity for the ARG storyline so it could be incorporated into the film project.  

The next step, after a week or two, was to have all of us post the link to the video in “thrift store finds facebook groups” in order to drum up the mystery. He and I shared the link on a few of the forums online such as Reddit and so on. The forums had absolutely nothing to do with music or ARG’s. Just thrift store finds and VHS collector’s groups. We wanted to build the mystery up and clue people in eventually. The original video sat on youtube for quite some time. It had like maybe 60-75 views after a month. That view count just stayed stagnant. Then one day in, I think late March out of nowhere, I got the messages in the comments. They were friendly at first with some people just mentioning it was “Boards of Canada”. I thought to myself, “Oh shit, they found the video”. Soon the view count just kept on climbing and Soon enough some folks started becoming hostile. I convinced my housemate to make a response video explaining everything. We all thought this was the best course of action because of how unbiased he’ll be for the simple fact, he has no idea who BoC is (Well, he does now lol) and he is not a musician, like, at all haha. 

Me and my filmmaking friend were excited at first that at least we had an audience now and could run with it. So I figured the response video my housemate put out would quell any outrage and save our project in order to move forward but, boy, was I dead wrong.

The views kept climbing up and the comments kept coming. People were becoming hostile and outraged. Things got way too real and I started to panic slightly. I have a bad anxiety disorder and it triggered it for sure. I just had all these thoughts like what if I I’ll get sued by the band. I had nightmares of the brothers coming after me and them telling me how much of a piece of shit I am. 

 BoC fans are some of the craftiest people you’ll ever come across, lemme tell ya lol.

They had somehow figured out the metadata from the original deleted video that was uploaded months prior. After it was confirmed and revealed to me they could dig this info up, I was in a full blown panic attack. I started hyperventilating. I messaged my buddy and told him what was up. He was against it at first, but I told him, “hey I have to delete this whole channel, they’re going to find out where I live next and who I am!” I just had the worst thoughts imaginable. 

So, I hit the “Killswitch” button and within minutes it all vanished like a bad dream. I was genuinely worried at first that I could potentially face legal backlash, but my friend explained to me that I wasn't out there putting any BoC label on it or even labeling the tracks and attempting to make any money from it.   

[rollercoasterwords]

I've heard of ppl complaining about ur writing speed and posting schedule but it's honestly ridiculous. like you actually write insanely fast. it is incredible that you have managed to write over 150,000 words (in very high quality writing might I add 🫶) in like 10 months !!

thank u lol honestly i feel like i’ve had relatively little bs 2 deal w compared 2 the flack i’ve seen some other fic writers get etc but i have def like. had conversations w some other fic writers abt how strange it feels 2 get people immediately commenting on chs like “when will the next ch be out?” or sending messages etc asking abt posting schedules…idk i have conflicted feelings bc on the one hand im like well maybe i just did this 2 myself by having unusually fast & consistent posting schedules at various points w past fics but on the other hand i do try 2 make it v clear when like. my posting is gonna slow down…& also i v much do not think it should be considered standard 4 people 2 be updating wips weekly or monthly etc like when i was writing a fic 4 a different fandom before i joined this one i took like a four month break in the middle of posting w no warning & no one complained abt it lol.

& it’s also like. i do understand that none of those comments/messages etc r ill intended & usually people will tack on a little ‘no pressure!’ but unfortunately i am going 2 pressure myself regardless…which i have had 2 actively work on bc i was like. i cannot keep stressing myself out over arbitrary deadlines i set for something that’s supposed 2 be a hobby!! so i might just be extra sensitive abt it now & if one of those messages catches me on a day where im stressed abt other stuff etc (frequent occurrence recently lol) then like. no matter how nicely it’s phrased it still doesn’t feel nice. & i understand wanting 2 know but i also don’t think u should read a wip unless ur actually prepared 2 a) deal w the story however it goes [separate complaint that i’ve been discussing w my fic writing friends lmao] and b) wait however long it takes 4 chs w no expectations abt regularly-scheduled posting. so!

anyway not sure 2 what extent this is like a new phenomenon or expectations have actually changed…one friend who’s been like. writing fic way longer than i have told me they do feel like there’s been a sort of shift across various fandoms w this new expectation that fic writers r posting regularly quickly & consistently. like maybe bc fic has become more ‘mainstream’ etc there are an influx of people who r bringing in new standards that sort of echo what they’d expect 4 other forms of media but like. when u take a step back & think abt it it’s a little wild 2 want or expect some random guy 2 be providing u w weekly entertainment for free…have seen a few people being like “ugh we need a new big wip that everyone’s reading & talking abt” & im like. oh so u want someone 2 kill themself lmao like everyone i know who’s had their fic treated like the fandom’s ~tv show~ that they tune in for every week has had a horrible horrible time lol