#ignore this post ive never had a thought that makes sense in my life

[ty-bayonet-betteridge]

3l!grian is frequently depicted as a tragic figure and sometimes i wonder if we even watched the same series

[thebindingofpillo]

do you have any designs of what other tainted characters look like?

i saw your t.magdalene on twitter and ive seen t.bethany and i love them both so much

i guess im really interested on jacob and esau tainted designs lol

Okay so, while I do have some ideas on everyone's design, I haven't really tackled anyone yet aside from Judas, Magdalene and Bethany, mostly because I don't really know how to insert them in the story. Judas' tainting actually has a part in the story, and I think i drew him already a bunch of times. Apollyon also has a whole story arc about becoming tainted and making a huge mess! He's tied to Maggy's tainting too.

Eden also had some sort of tainting arc, but it involves them becoming human and being unable to change in any way, so it's more like a reverse-tainting. Eden's tainted form is very tied to the game mechanics, I haven't really thought about how that would translate in a more realistic setting.

Lazarus is already kind of tainted, but maybe I could use his undead design for a flashback.

And now for the more up in the air ones:

Isaac would have become beaten up during one of the apocalyptic arcs, and it was bc he was trying to protect Jacob and (dark) Esau from an angel or something, but then the story got shuffled around a little bit and while I still think it would be cool for it to happen, I don't really know when or how.

I had an idea for Cain that when his left eye got gouged and he became tainted he'll finally be able to grow old and die, but that was before I paired him up with Lilith, and now I don't want to leave Lilith alone :( and Lilith too, her tainting involved Satan trying to get her back but it quickly devolved into something way too dark that I didn't feel comfortable tackling, and honestly Satan doesn't really care about her all that much so it wouldn't really make much sense.

As for Samson and Eve, I think they might we might see their tainted version in some flashbacks! Specifically Samson's first life, when he met Eve for the first time ever. The story was pretty simple too, Samson would find Eve dishevelled and shunned by society, he would help her out, she would try to warn him about Delilah but he'd ignore her, and everybody knows how the story goes from there. I'd love to tackle some actual biblical stories sometimes lol.

Azazel is a bit of a sore spot because, with Judas's possession arc, it would make sense for him to become tainted but... I don't wanna T.T I like his design too much and I don't want to hurt my boy... I'll have to think about it.

Anyway Tl, dr: no I don't have many other tainted designs BUT in 2021 when this AU was still being thought about I did a quick Dark Esau character ref that apparently I never posted (because of spoilers I guess? I don't remember)

Goddddd this is old. Can't believe I never posted this lol. Also there's a mention of the Beast in the text but the Beast has since been erased lol. Need to find a place for her. I guess Esau's design would be pretty similar to this one, just more buff now lol. And I guess Jacob would look pretty much the same but more tired and bald and stressed... Once I'm done with the next comic I might try to give them a little refresh.

I hope this was interesting enough!

[bellamyblakru]

omg your tags dkfjsdlkfjs. i do also agree that s6 was pretty good bellarkewise. the bellamy bringing clarke back to life storyline is WILD. they were even more set up for s7 than they were for s5. for me though, s5 is just such a mess. i still think ultimately that was when they should have gotten together. i wish the bellamy bringing clarke back to life storyline from s6 had happened in s5 instead. then, between that and bellamy learning that clarke called him every day for 6 years, there's just no way they wouldn't happen in the finale of s5. and then we could have gotten two full seasons of canon bellarke *big sigh*

NO FR BC I REALLY CANT STAND S5 LMFAOO SO SAME. thats so interesting though!!! i never thought about it like that—it wouldve made more sense both story and character-wise😭i genuinely loved s6 bc of eliza’s acting and bellamy’s pure heart to get her back after he is the first to realize what was wrong. it was just so !! to see how he fought for her when everyone else was sitting on their stupid high horse 😭😭😭like hello ugh

thats such an interesting way to redo it tho omfg bc it would solve my violent dislike of season five while keeping my love of six while making season seven somewhat enjoyable LMFAO its funny how most bellarke fans ive seen also hate s5 bc just how ???? out of character all of it is??? like ur telling me bellamy (and raven, for that matter) *wouldnt* have understood madi’s importance to clarke?? like this is the child that clarke has rasied LONGER than she knew them. and they know her devotion and loyalty and love firsthand—ofc she is gonna choose her CHILD over people who blatantly ignore her ONLY wish to not involve madi like helloofodldldsk

i digress 😌 ur post made me almost cry bc i miss bellarke sm. maybe its time for a rewatch-rewatch fr

[regnzz00]

dc superhero girls headcanons

hey there if you found this post, that must you really like this show and i do to

i have hyper fixated and maladaptive dreaming about this show since it came out (so like 4 years i need a life lol) so i have a lot of headcanons but some of them are so wacked that they dont make sense, so i will only put the ones that make sense and ill keep adding as time goes on, oh, and another thing to note is that i know nothing about the dc universe other than this show so idk

(also if you dont know what a headcanon is, its like something about a show or a movie or a book is canon or confirmed in your head but not in the actual show or movie or book or whatever, hope that makes sense)

~ kara is an alien (which makes sense cuz she is from another planet so she technically is)

~ since kara is from another planet, english probably doesnt exist there and the language of her planet probably different from all the other languages on earth so it would make it really hard for her to learn english, what im basically saying is that english isnt her first language

~ kara probably got some sort of ptsd from the hole she was stuck in for a bunch of years or what ever it was i think its the phantom zone but idk anything about that sooo, and on top of that she lost her mother and her home so that would make a source of her anger and emotional problems

welp these are the only ones that i have thought about and/or fucked or not relevant or about people gender and sexuality wise but its not my job to label people thats their job but i could add those idk (but ignore the label i just put on kara about her mental state shhh its an idea remember shhhh)

edit 2

ok i thought of more shit

also a lot of these are going to be about kara because shes the one i decided to latch onto 4 years ago so yeah

~ i find it really weird that the names on kryton are similar to the names on earth cuz like i said they are different planets so things would be totally different like the language and stuff, but for some reason the names are very english like kara, clark, laura (whatever the aunts name is) but names like zod and non arent traditional english names. so my headcanon is that kara and her cousin either chose or were given those names to be normal ig

~ zees mother probably cared about her a lot and she probably had a reason for leaving but her father keeps its from her

edit 3

i forgot to finish last edit oops

~ karen is more angst than she makes it out to be and kara is more sweet and innocent than she makes it out to be

~ being queer on kryton is like totally normalized

~ kara find babs absolutely beautiful, like not shes attracted to her or has a crush on her or anything, she just finds her extremely aesthetically pleasing to look at (no i dont ship these two, thats fine if you do tho)

~ kara is kinda the mom friend to garth, karen, and babs

~ kara doesnt know how old she is or when her birthday is cuz all planets rotate and revolve differently so i would think that years would be different there, i would think she is probably around 16 to 19, also wouldnt she be like older is she didnt go to the hole or whatever, idk the whole story about that

~ diana once asked kara to teach her krytonian so that kara would have someone to talk to (which is so sweet when i think about it), but its like really hard and it took kara forever to learn english and she is still learning it, but kara loved the offer

~ diana speaks a lot of languages (which im pretty sure is canon), she speaks greek (cuz shes from there), english (you know), (these are the most spoken languages of the world, according to google) mandarin chinese, hindi, spanish, french, arabic, russian, portuguese, german, hebrew, latin, and she is learning japanese so she can talk to tatsu (damn girl idk how she does it, miss try hard)

edit 4

so i know its been a while cuz ive been lazy lol

i also only have a few today

~ kara actually has a good singing voice, but she never portrays it

~ kara is also very musically talented and dabbles in many musical instruments

~ also kara is much more intelligent than she portrays, she just sucks at english and earth stuff (idk if i said this before)

[winderlylandchime]

Hello!! I love how we are all hoping that Jordan brings back the podcast, i need those two besties back so badly. I feel like they have so much stuff they could talk about especially now with the strikes, it’d be fun to hear their take on it. I am honestly not ready for him to find out how the filming and the aftermath of the show was on Gale and Randy. I know he’s gonna lose his shit to find out how some people were towards them (especially since his idea of Gale in his head is obviously different and in his mind Gale and Randy are bffs like how he is with his friends.) but also i think he will be shocked to find out they both kind of stepped back from the show and had certain issues with it. He did storm in my room randomly today and went ‘IS THAT WHY THERE WAS LESS SEX STUFF?!’ Which btw it was 10 am when he did that, I barely knew i was awake. Basically he was up almost all night thinking about the finale and the podcast (he is once again that conspiracy meme) and he realized in later seasons there’s less sex scenes and now he is distraught that maybe it’s because Randy was uncomfortable. He was having an entire crisis over it. While I don’t know what all i will show him/what he’ll see on his own (i wanna show him bts content and like obviously anything else i can find) but i will be keeping con videos/posts FAR away from him because some of those are the worst things ive ever seen in my life, no offense to anyone. I will say, If you or anyone has any ideas what else I should show him, let me know because he has been losing his mind begging me to let him listen to more of the podcast.

As for our mom, i swear that woman is actually pretty chaotic herself but unlike my brother she hides it better. Both of our parents are insane but for some reason only he doesn’t even make an effort to hide it. She did get a long email sent to her by my brother because she was ignoring his calls and he wanted to talk about s4 finale. It was titled ‘IMPORTANT! NOTHING TO DO WITH THE SHOW’ and then it was almost a short novel about the show.. He wanted to hear her thoughts since he is still undecided about Justin not saying yes to moving in. And he wrote a little bit about the podcast and he also asked her if she thinks Randy would like him if they met (clearly he is feeling a certain way about this) which caused a different crisis, a much bigger one: would Gale like him if they met. That crisis lasted almost 2 hours btw. Anyway as a reply to the email she just forwarded it to our dad who forwarded it back to me to tell me to ‘change the wifi password.’ And then I immediately got a call from my mom about the podcast asking me if it’s about the show and how he already has enough weird hobbies and why can’t I get him into something normal like a pottery group or painting group or something with normal people around. And then I heard in the background our uncle who went ‘after all the stories about him talking to DOCTORS, you want to unleash him on a person who is not medically trained?’ So he is now being encouraged to stay home and watch tv. Also: he is currently talking to his best friend about the finale, while writing down mind maps and lists of what he thinks season 5 will be. He’s having a bit of issues with it because the LA offer apparently fucked quite a lot of things up for him so his original list no longer makes sense. He is also talking to him at the same time (he’s jumping from topic to topic) about Gale and how shocked he was that Randy didn’t enjoy the qaf fame. I don’t know how this became my life. More importantly I would just like to say: i cannot wait for your new fic! I mean your last fic got us here so I can’t wait to see what happens next. But also bearded Brian>>

The podcast talking about the strikes would be amazing! I was hoping we would get a Barbie movie episode but alas. I really want to hear the besties talk about Greta Gerwig.

I have never seen the con clips and I’m grateful. I have too much secondhand embarrassment to sit through that boundary-crossing behavior and invasive questions.

I LOVE that your parents were like “change the wifi password” and uncle was like “unleash him into the world?” and they responded “jk never mind.”

I personally think Gale and Randy are still friends but we would never know with the one proof of life per year Gale gives us and Randy being tightlipped about his time on the show.

Wait until your brother realizes that one of Randy’s partner’s is named Justin (or is that the kid? either way there’s a Justin!)

I am dreading his reaction to S5 but we all watched it so he must as well…

And, yes, bearded Brian >>>

BUT I saw your request at the top - folks let’s start to pull together a post-S5 education for all necessary BTS for Brother Anon to fully understand QAF! In box me or comment on this post.

[snowflakesnsundry]

Hello my darling Dustbunnies!~

So I meant to put out a chapter tonight, but I have completely changed my mind on how I want to go about accomplishing the goal ive set for this chapter. Still, I didn’t want to go without posting something, so please enjoy (most of) an alternate version of chapter 112 (113 on AO3)

Chapter 112 A: Untitled

When sunset came, its colors painted the sky as vibrant as the flowers in the garden around you. Each delicate shift of the breeze rippled across the treetops, making the grasses sway like they had been caught in a dance. Although the sun had begun to vanish, its heat still warmed the steppingstones beneath your bare feet; and drawing the scent from flower and stone alike. 

            And all of it fell dull and lifeless upon your senses.

            The sun had been high in the sky when you had begun to wander the royal gardens and had long since sapped from you what little energy the argument had not. Your shoes had long since been abandoned-though you could not remember where- and the sweat against your skin, having saturated your clothes, began to chill with the slowly dropping temperatures. 

            You were fairly sure you must look absolutely mad-but you hadn’t the presence of mind to care. 

            Every last bit of your focus had been consumed by the endless stream of memories you were playing over and over in your mind; willingly drowning in the ache that plagued your chest. Early on all you had felt was anger-certain you would move past it with time. After all, hadn’t he told you himself that his mind and heart had changed? Had he not shown that to be true? Yet when you tried to pinpoint the exact moment you had truly caught his eye-you found you could not. 

            No matter how many times you played those moments over and over, you could not discern the difference between the Loki that had truly loved you, and the one that had only pretended to. 

            That single thought became a poison in your blood. 

            Each and every memory began to come into question-your mind swinging wildly from the hope that, unbeknownst to even himself, he had loved you from the very start; to the fear that you were still trapped in the confines of a game you would never escape. 

            The grand prize hanging like a noose about your neck. 

            Clouds painted crimson by the sun held the promise of rain, and you wondered if you would find the courage to step back inside before it fell. 

            A part of you knew that how he felt was not truly what vexed you- but it was how you felt that wracked your mind. 

            How easily you had fallen for his charms. 

            You loved him. 

            It was as simple as that. You had come to love him in a way so irrevocable that no secret he ever kept would truly scare you away. Not forever. So how many times would this scene play out-how many centuries would pass before you lost your use and he set you free? 

            The thought of equating separation with freedom stung. 

            You had adored others before-but you had never loved like this. You had never surrendered so much so willingly, nor felt such fear over what it might mean to have it all back; for, if your old life was returned to you, it would mean having lost him. 

            Perhaps then this was the price you would pay for what you had done. Your suffering and uncertainty would be the punishment you endured for the shattering of the Loom-something you were increasingly certain had to have been your fault. Together you and Loki were a storm- a storm whose magnitude had destroyed the very path of fate. 

            It was only right that this was the consequence of giving your heart to chaos itself.

            Do not pity yourself, Asgardian.

            “I will not take advice from a stone,” you muttered beneath your breath-hardly bothered by the way its thoughts had entered your mind-feeling as natural as your own. 

            To ignore me would be most unwise. 

            “A shame then that I disagree.” 

            Had you checked to see you were alone before speaking out loud to a voice only you could hear? 

            They all still hide away under your King’s orders.

            Ah yes. Likely you were meant to as well-though that did little to deter you. 

            You pine for something you already possess. 

            “Do I now?” You replied bitterly, “You’ll have to forgive me for not taking you at your word- I just find it difficult to trust your interpersonal skills.” 

            I shared his mind once-as I now share yours.

            “Is that what you’re doing? ‘Sharing’ my mind?” Oddly, you were more fascinated than alarmed- vaguely remembering some mention that Thor had been seen muttering to himself as of late. It should have been a warning to you that something was deeplywrong. 

            But it was not. 

            It is. So long as I remain in your possession, we will remain connected.

            You hummed your acknowledgement, mind now lost in the possibilities that sort of contact could offer; though it was hard to avoid the indignity of having your mind invaded without your consent. It left you with a chill down your spine and the sudden urge to tear the pendant from your neck and hurl it into the Asgardian sea.

            It would be a waste of what I have to offer.

            “And what is it exactly that you have to offer?” Thus far it had been nothing more than trouble. It had saved your life, yes-but you could argue just as easily that it was the catalyst for the sequence of events that had endangered you in the first place.

            We share a goal.

            “Do we?” 

            You seek my sisters, same as I. 

            “Sisters?” 

            The other stones. 

            Your teeth clenched as you walked on in silence for a moment-hand drifting across a patch of tall grasses at your side- barely registering as the jagged edges of their blades pulled at your skin. “I do,” you admitted, “Though I cannot fathom why you seek them too.” 

            We were created as one, and we long to be reunited. It is our nature. 

            Chewing at your lip, you thought about the changes in Thor as of late-wondering if the Aether too was guiding the King with the same intent. “So what is it you would want from me?”

            Continue as you are-seek my sisters and bring them here.

            “And in return?”

            You were forced to stop dead in your tracks as your vision began to swim- images you would care not to recall filling your mind. Baldur’s face peered at you through the red light that had darkened his face that morning. The look in his eyes as he dangled you over the pit-promising to tend to your father as if that might make up for the sins he was about to commit. 

            You do not rid yourself of this enemy because you fear facing him without protection.

            Nines you hated having this thing inside your mind.

            “I do not ‘rid’ myself of my ‘enemy’ because he far outstrips me in every aspect that matters,” you grumbled. “He wields greater authority, and- unsurprisingly- is far more skilled with a blade than I. He has the King’s trust and, so long as things remain as they are, I doubt he could be convinced to remove the captain from his position.” 

            Do not forget the tools you have at hand.

            “Am I to presume you are offering your ‘services’?” You scoffed. 

            You do not possess the strength to wield me. My power would break you as it has broken others before. 

            You frowned-your pride a bit worse for wear. “But Loki has that power?” 

            He and your Vanir Queen are the only two in this realm who could successfully utilize my strengths. 

            That was no surprise- it only stood to reason that the two most powerful magic users in Asgard would be the ones capable of wielding the might of an Infinity Stone. “Then what ‘tools’ do you suggest I use? I don’t exactly have many at my disposal.” 

            You are not without wit, are you?

            “Wit and words did not exactly save me before. I frankly doubt there are any words in any language that would convince the captain to change his mind about me, or Loki.” 

            You are correct. 

            A twinge of irritation caused your lip to curl. “Then what exactly do you suggest I do?” 

            Quite suddenly, you did not feel yourself. A wave of sensations coursed through you- more complex than just sights and sounds- but feelings; urges. 

            Ideas.

            It was a sort of resolve that was not entirely foreign to you. It was a want to protect not just yourself, but those you loved. It was a want for a clear path to lead you to victory. 

            A want to remove Baldur from that path-in any way you could. 

            The idea of severing the man’s head from his body had always been a passing fantasy but- quite suddenly- a seed had planted itself in your mind, winding its way through until its roots could tangle themselves about your heart. 

            Baldur would die. He had to die. 

            This… is this me?

            So long as he lived, he would try everything to prevent you from acquiring Gram. If you did not acquire Gram, you would never be able to free Thor from the Aether- and if Thor was never freed of the Aether…

            Then Asgard will undoubtably fall to the Titan.

            For the very first time, what you saw was more than just an image in your mind. The figure that towered above you seemed to be as real and physical as anything else in that garden. Staggering back, you nearly cried out in alarm before you felt a wave of calm shoved onto you. 

            The clothes he wore did not register as armor until you took in the bracers upon his arms. The plate that adorned his chest stopped short of his arms, leaving them exposed, and the pants he wore seemed little more than heavy cloth. It was a set built for agility more than strength-something he appeared to have in spades. Vein and muscle alike threatened to burst free of his deep purple skin, and you feared a casual wave of his hand would be enough to knock you clear off your feet. Ridges appeared to be carved into his broad chin, his features unmoved by anything about him-even as his eyes seemed to stare straight into your own. 

            Blue.

            “Is this… is he…” Your mouth had gone dry- your mind desperately attempting to process what stood before you, and the fear that a simple projection of the man could provide.

            Thanos. The Mad Titan.

            “No…no, there…” You looked about frantically, as if you might make eye contact with someone; as if you might find comfort in something. “Is his whole army like him?” If they were…

            He is the last of his kind.

            Relieving as it was to hear, you knew as well as anyone that a soldier could an army in and of themselves. Over and over tales had been spread of the royal family’s might and-even if wildly exaggerated- they showed how easily a person with power could change the tide of battle. 

            And this man possessed… 

            Despite your best efforts, your hands began to tremble. 

            “How many?” You asked, voice barely above a whisper. “How many stones does he hold?”

            Enough.

            “Enough to what?” 

            You knew. You knew exactly what. 

            He will not hesitate to slay your King, and you, to take what he believes is rightfully his.        

            “But if the aether and the tesseract are in the hands of those who can wield them?” 

            Asgard is too small in number to overtake him. 

            You needed more. 

            “With more stones we could…”

            But to pursue them you must set your King right again.

            “…and to set the King right again, we must remove anything-anyone- who would prevent us from doing so…” 

            You felt hollow. 

            You had not come to the palace to kill or to die. You did not have your mother’s strength; you were not a warrior. You were not-

            A hand clamped down hard upon your shoulder- and a bloodcurdling scream scraped your throat as it broke across the open sky. 

[chicago-poet]

idk i went back and forth on whether to post this bc i dont make a lot of posts and idk why i expect people to care but also i do want to tell someone and have other people know so.

super long confusing musings on my sexuality and stuff under the cut. its long so u dont have to read it but id like it if u could like the post if u wanted please n thank u 💖💖

like ok so for a long time now ive id'ed as an ace lesbian and felt at home with that and now bc of circumstances and reasons ive started thinking again.

but a part of me has always felt so disconnected from other lesbians like they all understood something i didnt and i loved the solidarity and community of being a lesbian but i didnt really understand such a big part of it. wrt being in love and sex and all. like i think i confused wanting that closeness and intimacy as being the same thing as feeling it.

and like i guess the turning point of that is that like i do want companionship and someone in my life but the way i want it is never the way other people do even through casual dating etc like sex and romance...the way i want those things are so specific to me and its feels like a venn diagram thats a circle and no one else is ever going to share that with me. maybe someday but its such a slim window to fit into that i cant expect it of other people right now.

but ive been reading abour qprs bc thats another thing ive been super critical on in the past (and i still kinda cringe hearing it) and i mean on one hand qweerplatonic feels like one of those tumblrisms thats code for "my discord relationship" and i feel like when you have a community based on a lack of something people fill the vacuum with like. fandoms and strawman comics. like im adult that pays taxes i dont have squishes on anyone.

but like that aside. i do get it. i like my independence and not having to compromise on things and it would be nice to have a life partner who is similar in those things but still wants the emotional intimacy and exclusivity and commitment of a partner. and qpr is like the best way to explain what i need to other people ig

and in that way i finally understood that like. being acearo is a very specific way to want a connection with someone and u do need words for that so u can find other people like u bc most people dont feel like that and its not wrong to want words to explain what u want to other people and if qpr is the best way to phrase it then i guess im stuck with it.

and then its like so do i feel attraction??? have i ever? but im still gay?? how can i be gay and also acearo? but it makes sense to me bc like i want a partner someday and it is more than a friendship. like in the past ive had very intense girl friendships that blurred the line where we would cuddle and hold hands and talk abot getting married and everyone negged us about dating/thought we were dating and ive always been the one to shy away from it when it came down to finally confront it.

but then when it comes time to say if were gfs i just....dodge the question forever. and i feel guilty about stringing ppl along like that bc i know they want something more than that and im ignoring it. like ive always been happiest in that gray undefined zone thats more than friendship but not quite dating.

like ive always been free with affection and then uncomfortable when someone (understantably) wants it to mean something more. ive always been the one whos not as into the other person while theyre enamoured with me. like my ex just used to gaze at me and say they love me and id be like .....thanks....you too! bc i did love them and i thought we wanted the same things. but it was complicated.

ALL THIS is to say that if i do enter in some kind of life partnership somehow it would still be with a woman or non binary person most likely bc i feel most comfortable with them and still dont like men in that way. so im still gay?

but u know. i identified as bi before as a lesbian before and then an ace lesbian so right now im in a phase of my life where aromantic asexual lesbian is the best way to describe me and im okay with that. it doesnt have to make sense to anyone else but me. it can be contradictory and confusing and "incorrect" but like if thats what i feel descibes me best then thats how im gonna be. its lonely but its also freeing because at least now i realize that i know what i want and i can have what i want if i meet the right person someday.

flowers for u if u read this far down💐💐💐💐💐💐 thank u to anyone who read any of that.

[khodorkovskaya]

10.06.23

went to my oxford bestie's dance show yesterday and omg she was so good!!! her group did french cancan and she really stole the show!

it was in a town nearby, so lucien drove me and my manchester bestie there. he was on steroids so he acted a bit weirder than usual. but overall it was great!

so i thought about my manchester bestie and i feel like maybe mischaracterised her a bit in my previous posts. bc i really couldn't put my finger on what was it about her that was bothering me so much. it's weird. because she's not stupid, nor is she lost in life. she has very strong values and she understands herself and her boundaries very well. she knows what she wants out of life, despite a lot of other people my age, who just float through life, figuring things out on the go. no, she has an answer to every question and doesn't back down.

she's always been like this. ive known her since we were 14 and i think that's why drifting apart from her is hard for me to begin with. she was my first kiss god damn it! like we had so many teenage firsts together, even more so than with my london bestie! and yeah, she's always had this set in stone moral compass. but now this part of her is even more prominent. she's had a lot of mental health issues, so she's done all kinds of therapy and it really made her hyperaware of her own self. she knows exactly what kind of person she is, what she likes and doesn't like, what's good for her and what isn't, etc. and it should be an admirable trait, right?

but here's the thing. weirdly enough, despite the fact that she's ahead of me in life on every level (she's doing a phd while im only just finishing my bachelors, she's been living by herself ever since she was 18, she's married, she's super well travelled, etc. etc.), she weirdly comes off as very limited. not stupid because she's not stupid. but just like... i don't know how to explain it. despite all of her extraordinary experiences, everything she's been through, etc. her comprehension of the world and society is just like... limited. like the thing i brought up about her talking about how she wants her kids to do the IB. like the way she said it... idk.

like, as i said before, it's not the wealth that's the issue. it's the ignorance. and more specifically, the lack of curiosity. because there are people who, despite their upbringing, are so profound. we talked about this with my stepdad this morning. and he has a very engineer-like way of seeing life. like any time he encounters something new, he wants to understand it to the very core. how does this thing work? why does this process happen? and he asks himself why and how all the time. he's always been like this.

meanwhile with my manchester bestie, she's just like not very curious, if that makes sense...? she has strong values and opinions, which is great and will get her far in life, but she never asks herself questions. and it's so weird.

like i remember when we were teens i invited her to visit my father in montenegro with me over the holidays. and my father is well... yknow. he's a character. and my bestie would be like "oh my god, in my family we aren't allowed to watch tv while eating or slurp our food!". and i was like yep, same here. except that's how it is at my father's place and he doesn't care. he's not my father in the sense that my bestie's father is her father. my mum is my parent, meanwhile my father is just like some dude i go on holiday to. and he lives the life of a childless man with a former hooker girlfriend in the balkans. and my bestie just like couldn't comprehend that. and what's worse, it felt like she didn't even want to pause to try and understand things. so at some point i just stopped trying to "justify" myself by explaining to her why my father would act the was he did. it just didn't come through to her, no matter what.

and that's still how she is i think. just accepting everything she sees in her bubble as normal and as a given, never asking herself questions. and when something is outside the norm, that's "weird" and "wrong", no explanation needed. doing a-levels is wrong because it doesn't give you the same skills as the IB does, not putting your kids into a bunch of after school activities is wrong because your kid is gonna become stupid by spending too much time on their ipad, etc. there couldn't be any other explanation on why some parents don't do that, right?

and, as ive said, the frustrating thing is that she's never gonna have to leave that bubble. all of her friends are from the same kind of social bubble, her husband was also an international school kid, her career isn't gonna make her confront other kinds of realities. and, most importantly, she's just like... not curious. and that's what bothers me about her.

[kiisuuumii]

to your point about feeling like a planet hurdling through space - i don't think there's anything wrong with it, there are stretches in life where we're productive, and others we are not, even though it might seem like inaction, it's a period of rest.

& to your other point about wanting to leave your life in the hands of something greater than you, and having things in your hand that feel bigger than you - have you ever read the story 'god of arepo'? it's a story that was written on here for a writing prompt, you should be able to find it easily, i'd recommend reading it since it relates to the point i'm going to make - god or whatever greater force is out there, must think that our troubles must be big, too big even for them- we don't have the luxury of being immortal so that on a greater scale, these problems would eventually be a blip on the radar. but still they carry on, doing their best even if it doesn't seem like our woes don't lessen, maybe the best they could ever do is just maybe quietly listen, bearing your troubles if for a moment. i'm sorry, i didn't mean for this ask to be long, feel free to ignore it, your post just made me think about things too and i just had some thoughts on the matter

sorry this went much longer than your ask sdgkha just sorta spat out my stream of consciousness,,, hopefully this makes some sorta sense ^^;;;

i just wanna clarify rq that, when i said i wanted to place my life in the hands of something bigger than me, i meant i wish i knew whether all of this burden means something, almost how so many people can blindly believe in something bigger. i've never been the religious type, but i've always wanted /something/ to believe in; i just have always found it hard to believe in anything influencing anything for us, knowing what i know about physics and entropy and how we abide by the laws of mortality first and foremost and that we're all just tending towards chaos, towards nothing.

maybe it's because i'm human that i can't seem to buy into the idea of a god, but your bringing up of 'god of arepo', and my rereading of it, made me realize that, despite not really believing in gods or deities or some bigger force that has the power to pull some strings for us or whatever, i've found myself with a candle dish i recycled into a place to put my change from when i use cash, as offerings to the goddess fortuna. it just felt right to start doing one day; i had an extra candle jar lying around and wanted to keep but didn't know what to do with. i just started it without really expecting anything. even now i don't. but ive found myself continuing to leave my change for fortuna.

i'm really glad that you reminded me of that story (i'd read it before, years ago, but had forgotten everything about it). it got me thinking about why i leave offerings to a being that i can't even be sure exists, and i think it's as arepo says: "it’d be nice to think there’s a god looking after me."

maybe this all means something, maybe it doesn't. maybe all this suffering is just suffering. regardless of what this life means and ends up meaning, i think i've been looking for someone (or something) to see that i'm always trying to be better than i was yesterday, even if i fail and repeat mistakes. not to receive validation from someone or something else. but to just bear witness. to know that someone or something is.

i dont think that i wouldve been able to get any of this into perspective for myself without you, anon, or the story of the god of arepo. i'm probably going to go on continuing to offer my change to fortuna, because idk i don't think it would hurt to keep doing it, i need a place to keep my change anyway. but, i do also want to believe that, even if this higher power can't or won't do anything for me, there's /something/ that is bearing witness to the ways i've changed over the years, even if there's just a small possibility of it. that i'm really /not/ alone on this dumb little journey of a life.

[blueskittlesart]

i know you love tamaki but thoughts on each of the other hosts? my favourite is mori <3

full disclosure tamaki was my first real conscious fictional crush at the ripe age of 11 and TO THIS DAY i have to pause the show during the piano scenes to recover my dignity so he will always be my number one. my everything. my absolute love interest of all time. i could write essays on him for real. i HAVE written essays on him. that being said i can absolutely talk about the other hosts bc im literally obsessed w this show

haruhi was the gender blueprint. truly. girlboy swag. she and misa amane death note were definitely like. the two most influential characters on my personal style in middle and high school. this doesn't say anything good about me. she is also multifaceted and well characterized in a way that's SO refreshing for a romance protagonist. character of all time. also btw im the exact demographic this show was written for meaning i was a tamaki/haruhi truther from the very beginning. where is the tall blonde prince boy to my short stupid gnc bitch. when is it my turn to be happy

hikaru and kaoru. yes i know the twincest thing is weird but i am CHOOSING TO IGNORE IT because 1. the show is making fun of shoujo tropes. its SATIRE GUYS and 2. they are literally so well characterized that it MAKES SENSE THAT THEY DO IT. ugh. anyways kaoru was always my favorite of the two bc i love a man thats in tune with his own emotions. i like hikaru in theory but i think if i knew him in real life i would murder him. i am also obsessed with their characterization and backstory in general bc their specific brand of trauma is one that i so rarely see represented in media and i think they had a very realistic response to it?? like they're genuinely very well written characters i like them a lot. i could also probably write an essay about them

kyoya. im obsessed with him. hes a genius. hes an asshole. he runs a literal profitable business pimping out his besties. girls somehow like him despite him never actually showing affection to any of them in canon. hes literally the worst person alive. hes genuinely kindhearted despite everyone in his life attempting to beat it out of him. hes GAY. this is a joke mostly but i truly think that every decision in his life post-middle school is made because he is obviously, painfully in love with tamaki and also completely oblivious to this fact. like the show might attempt to make you think that hes got a thing for haruhi but literally every decision he makes is for tamaki's benefit (the manga is even MORE explicit about this btw and it makes me insane) and the entire time hes in denial about the fact that tamaki is literally everything to him. it's hilarious. "and so kyoya met him" uhhh fellas is it gay to consider the single most important event in your life to be meeting another man

i kinned honey in middle school for real and every time i think about it i want to die. i unfortunately still like cake. and rabbits. and i am still blonde and short. i might be haunted by this character for the rest of my life

i didn't get the appeal of mori at first tbh which might be a result of watching the anime 2 million times but never reading the manga LMAO bc he really is just a filler character in the show. but hes fun and i like him well enough. im sort of hoping he gets a little more room to be a real character in the manga tho bc ive like. just gotten out of the chapters that were adapted directly into the show so we're in uncharted territory now. im waiting for his chapter im SURE its coming

[midnightdemonhunter]

two questions for you: 1) what's your name/what should i use as your name? 2) what are your thoughts about remnant akane? i'm just so tired of people saying "yeah this time i can treat her like a beast it's so so so justified" and not seeing how monumentally braindead that is

You can call me Midnight :)

2. AH. REMNANT AKANE. She is 100% the most badly treaten/written by the fandom and it never stops being disappointing tbh. Both her canon and fanon portrayal are sexist and racist respectively, and it's tiring to see so little interesting ideas for her. Even ignoring the shitty implications of making Akane a beast/treated like a beast, it doesn't make sense for her character???

When I'm writing/coming up with remnant ideas, the two big questions for me are: 'How happy are they?' And: 'What is causing them despair here?" Because to me, the point of the remnants is creating despair-- both for themselves and for the world. This means corrupting their own pleasures, hurting themselves in the worst ways imaginable, and usually hurting others too. For example, Ibuki cutting out her vocal cords because she gets so much joy from singing and talking, or Gundham killing animals because he cares so much about them.

But uh. Since when has Akane had any sort of struggle about being called/treated like a beast??? Why would this bring her despair? Akane doesn't really give a fuck about what others think of her, and she'd be far more hurt by being weak than being a beast. If anything, Nekomaru, Sonia or Gundham all make more sense for that sort of role, since Nekomaru would be using his strength to hurt instead of help, Sonia would be devolving from her role as the perfect princess, and Gundham is the one heavily associated with animals.

I do agree with the very popular fanon concept that remnant Akane has severe problems with food-- since that's supported both by canon specifying one of the remnants starved themself, and her primary joy/fear in life being tied to food. Her limiting her own food in one way or another makes sense for her character. I also think her being a fighter does have evidence as well-- (even ignoring the anime which i hate)-- since she is one of the most battle hungry classmates, and challenges her enemy (Monokuma) to a fight in the game.

However, I also think you could make her NOT a fighter for this same reason, since not getting to fight the 'enemy' would cause her despair, and make her feel weak. Honestly I think food, weakness and strength are the concepts people should be exploring for remnant Akane, with maybe a bit of denying herself things for flavor. This opens up a surprising amount of possibilities for remnant Akane ideas! For example:

Akane could simply starve herself, she could have bulimia--(you can taste the food but you can't keep it), weigh herself down a la Rock Lee, chain herself to someone else as dead weight (see my fic lol), hurt people she's meant to be protecting (siblings, nekomaru, etc), prioritize another's survival over her own (maybe someone she dislikes for extra flavor. servant's new bodyguard!), remove at least one arm or leg to fuck up movement, blind herself so she can't as easily defend herself, force herself to take gymnastics more seriously than anything else, give others food but deny it to herself (like working at TT's restaurent wheeee), cut out her tongue so she can't taste anything, let Mikan hook her up to an IV to eat instead of food---

Basically the list of possibilities go on and on lmao. And wow!! Being treated like a beast or becoming a beast isn't even a factor!! Wild how that works!! Anyway this isn't even mentioning the remnant Akane I write on my askblog, who has gone through several writing revisions in my head as time went on. When I answer more asks with her eventually, there's gonna be different vibes lol, cause I've decided she's one of the more unhappy remnants.

To quote my other Akane remnant post, after Junko dies and Akane realises she's distraught because of how attached she got to Junko: "Akane becomes determined to never get attached or become weak again, and stops eating. She avoids Nekomaru out of repressed guilt on how badly she's treating her body. She also kills a lot of people she used to care about as a way of cutting ties Whoops." To elaborate, I think she killed most of her siblings, and then basically decided to isolate herself and slowly wither away from starvation-- (though she would refuse to admit this is a suicidal urge, and would instead say she's just trying to prove her mental and physical strength)

This is when she stumbles upon Teruteru in the alley of his brand new restaurant, and strikes a deal with him. She'll work with him temporarily in order to cause herself more of a struggle-- surrounded by food she refuses to eat, in exchange for helping him run his restaurant. This does end up kick-starting a friendship though, as both of them do some epic projecting. Honestly this is reminding me I need to brainstorm more stuff about their early remnant dynamic lmao. Cue her working at his restaurant, slowly starving to death!

Anyway TL/DR, I think beast Akane is super weird and gross as a concept, and has basically no thought put into it. If I had to rank remnants who make sense for that role she is WAY further down on the list than people seem to think. I also think food, strength/weakness and survival are the concepts people should be focused on playing with, as well as her relationships to those she cares about.

Thanks so much for the ask :)) It's super flattering to think people like my remnant content, because they are my absolute fav dr thing and I've put SO much thought into them. Have a remnant Akane drawing for your troubles!

[nightswithkookmin]

A quick lesson on ships

Because why not??😌

No but seriously, bare with me, I'm trying to answer your questions. Sit if you have to. Hehe

Uban Dictionary defines shipping as this:

A term used to describe fan fictions that take previously created characters and put them as a pair. It usually refers to romantic relationships, but it can refer platonic [sic] ones as well. (Just think of “shipping” as short for “relationSHIP”.) 9 Apr 2015

Ships can be platonic or romantic or both.

There's fictional ships and non fictional ships too. You ship two people you want to be in a relationship or who already are in a relationship or who you suspect to be in a relationship- perhaps due to queer baiting, ship baiting, romance baiting etc.

In the shipping fandom, there are two sects of people. Those who are Proships those who are Antiships- antis are ironically considered part of the shipping community because for some reason they are always in shippers business💀

Antishippers are those who oppose a particular ship or shipping in general (more on that later.)

Proshippers are well- Pro ships.

Pro-Ship

A term mostly used in fandoms, but can stretch outside of this to include original characters. The core belief is that shipping two fictional characters, no matter if they are family, share ages gaps, considered to be unhealthy, or show blatant signs of being abusive or other generally unsavory behaviours, are valid in a fictional setting.

Pro-Shippers or "anti-antis" are also known as "rainbow meaties" and will use 🌈 + 🍖 emojis together often in their bio on twitter or other social media platforms- usually within fictional settings.

These shippers reinforce the idea fiction is separate from reality and shouldn't be confused with the other.

‘Anti’ is short for ‘anti-shipper’ or ‘anti-[ship]’.

Kindly read through this thread to get the gist of it.

III

IV

Shipping non-fictional individuals is a subset of Proshipping, in my opinion, known also as alternative shipping- as far as my knowledge on it goes.

As with fictional shipping, alt ships have their antis too. People who disagree with shipping real couples in a romantic way for whatever arbitrary moral reasons they have and who feel entitled to go out of their way to correct, stop, police and punish such shippers.

Then there are those who although may be pro real people shipping think they have the right to tell others how they should ship and to what extent they can ship.

Others too prefer to ship real people platonically because they view romantic shipping of real people as problematic.

So to answer your question on Anon's post- there is no such thing as a Proshipper who is also Anti shipping. Thats oxymoronic. Perhaps they might be platonic shippers who are anti romantic ships but not necessarily romantic shippers themselves.

I don't think there's anything wrong with preferring to ship platonically. It is when they assume by virtue of their false sense of moderacy that they are better than others that shit starts to get funny.

Those shippers are delusionally confused beings with a supremacist imperialist complex rooted in ignorance and absurdities.

I usually walk by those quietly. keep it pushing. Gotta mind my business somehow even though most times I just want to pull their hair and bite them and shit😭

I try to keep it classy.

Lord knows I try.

You are either pro ship or anti ship. There's no in between. Those shippers who are shippers but claim they are not are nothing but fraudulent, fake us, simps trying to bamboozle their way through life- pardon my Swahili.

There are a lot of anti shippers moonlighting as shippers in this fandom. It's fascinating.

Personally I think those people are either confused or their desires to appeal to other Anti shippers must have morphed their brains into ass dick hybrids.

Anti shippers in general are notorious gatekeepers, gaslighters, bigots, high key sanctimonious and often have a cis white westernized sense of morality and ethics through which they fliter others and expect everyone and everything to conform to.

They impose their values on others, their ethics on others, resort to manipulation, policing, intimidation and bullying to impose their will etc.

Within shipping, there are those who are Proshipping yet anti certain ships. Most Tuktukkers are anti Jikook. And assume anyone who isn't a tuktukker is equally anti Tae Kook and so go ahead and exhibit anti behaviours towards them.

Think of such groups of shippers as Proshippers with a preference for particular ships if you will.

There are Pro shippers who also feel some kind of way about Shipping real life people or alt shipping.

Here's further resource to help you understand what proshipping is

If you are intolerant with other shippers choice of ships or style of shipping and you traumatize them for it that's Anti shipping. Especially if you feel entitled and justified to traumatize others because you take a higher moral status over them.

You can be proship and not like how certain people, how they go about

Simply walk away, click off, mind your business. You are not the only adult in these streets and leave people to do what interests them.

I think for as long as I can remember, I've always been a proshipper and I ship both platonically and romantically, fictionally and alternatively💀

Some themes in fiction are a hard limit for me such as the R word, pedophilia, incest, child abuse- I just can never find the entertainment in those topics and will struggle through such themes.

But others believe it's just FICTION and those fictional characters aren't really dealing with the imaginary struggles we read about.

Yall do you sis.

I don't really know why people make a big deal of it or try to demonize the concept of shipping as if it were something strange or mysterious- just keep your moral values to yourself. I am not your mother's daughter. we were not raised in the same households.

Then again I think it all depends on the different cultures and social backgrounds we all come from and how entitled, supremacist or imperialist they are.

For Yoonmin, I shipped them romantically but didn't think they were a real couple at all. I just romanticized their interactions and found humor in it. At the back of my head I was expecting them each to one day find husbands or wives and go their merry ways and even harbored the thought they each could very much be in serious romantic relationships with others.

In similar ways, I shipped Minimoni and Vmin.

You can ship a pair romantically and not think at all that they are actually REAL.

A lot of jokers ship Jikook romantically and don't assume they are real. Just as a lot of people shipped say Elena and Stefan romantically even though Paul was married.

Some shipped Elena and Damon too due to their unscreen chemistry and even felt they could be a thing- that was before later it was revealed they had started dating in real life. Even that I was holding on to my Bonnie x Damon fantasies because Bonnie was my bias and I shipped her with everyone romantically- of course I didn't expect any of those ships to manifest into something because it was the character I was shipping not Kat herself. To this day I still love her onscreen chemistry and friendship with Damon and don't see how people could wish for it to be more than that😭

It was beautiful as is. Not everything should climax into sexual intercourse.

But if I felt at some point any of her ships had crossed into alternative ships I would have jumped on those and supported it whole heartedly.

If you assume a pair are a real couple and dating in real life that's alt shipping- a lot of alt shippers suspect a ship is real and that's why they ship them.

There is no such thing as platonic alt shipping.

And for me personally, because I believe Jikook are a real couple and have made that cross over I don't ship any of that pair romantically with other members anymore.

It's bizzare to me to ship someone I know has a partner romantically with anybody else- I make exceptions for Vmin of course💀

I know JK is side eyeing me but I don't care.

I want Tae to be happy too😭😭😭

Tae just wants his bestfriend and soulmate😭

It's too much😭😭😭😭😭😭

He stays shooting his shots🤣

Jimin Harem is real🤭

I must admit, I catch myself slipping on Vmin and Minimoni every now and then- old habits die hard and they don't make it easy 😫

But that don't mean I think Vmin is dating. THAT WOULD BE WILD.

Summary

Proshippers can be Platonic or Romantic shippers and you can ship a pair romantically and not assume they are real at all.

Anti shippers are just assholes trying to beat their values down people's throats.

Alt shippers don't ship their OTP with other players romantically.

I don't know what you mean by Jinkooker...

Do you ship Jinkook romantically or think they are real?? Sis...

Maybe you just ship them platonically or casually.

I ship all the ships platonically.

Especially all Jimin"s Tae's ships. I'd let my self flirt with the idea of romance every now and then.

JK's ships don't make sense to me as ships.

As nonplatonic ships I mean.

I'm fascinated each time I see a hardcore JK x any member ship besides Jikook swearing up and down JK is screwing Namjoon🤣🤣

I hope this helps??

GOLDY

[wormstar]

i was going thru ur blog and u have good posts about ableist aus and i was wondering - what if in the aus the requirements for warriors were different? Like instead of having to fight jay only hunts? Would the muddling of roles still be ableist? In a Tree-like situation?If its not presented in a "work super hard to get what you want" and more in a "yeah they can decide what he wants to do". This is mostly for jay (and cinder) specifically because they had desires to be warriors yet were forced to be medicine cats because of ableism (ig this can apply to briar but i just truly cant remember oots that well and i havent read her death). I am asking because i am still trying to unlearn the ableist mindset that i grew up with. Feel free to ignore this ask and thnx!

hey yeah thank you for asking! took the opportunity to write up more general thoughts on rewrites as a whole and i went over why exactly theyre ableist hopefully that provides a better perspective

i think the major thing to keep in mind is that the structure of the clans is very abled centric and overly ignorant of inner community work (for example dens are only solidified or altered when either the area takes damage/the clans grows wrt population) theres a fixation on marking territory and starting fights and whatever with other clans which is whats expected of most warriors to partake in. to fix those implications in any fanwork youve really gotta knead into them and understand the nature of their ableism....its not just a problem with cats being barred from being warriors its the whole occupation and the standard its held to, so to speak (+ that fits into general clan society being flawed but eh thats another thing and also its easy to branch out into thought about)

going to stress other disabled people might have other solutions to how disabled cats are received this is just how i like to think of things

first i think its kind of interesting to examine discrepancies between disabled cats in canon as somewhat of an indicator of clan attitudes and leaders and whatnot. like i think you could get something interesting by regarding lets say deadfoot in windclan and cinderpelt in thunderclan who both have bad legs yet had different experiences with them in clan life. if you wanna go a step further comparing generations like lilywhisker and deadfoot or cinderpelt and jayfeather (+ the consideration of how congenital disabilities are regarded) can also make things interesting and just give you an idea of what to do. having the clan systems stray from a clear-cut common attitude both gives you more freedom for different approaches + adds to worldbuilding anyway. imo boiling down clan society to perfect utopia just gets boring but you can have imperfections in the system that depict the disabled experience just fine. just be careful with them and the way they come across yeah?

(real quick as an in between. god just dont refer to cats/their injuries as crippled. it still happens somehow)

im a little ambivalent on the idea of creating a ‘special role’ for disabled cats to be thrown into. cause then thats a repeat of canon medicine den really. its like ‘oh youre disabled youre instantly discarded into the x role pit’ i think just adding substantial in-universe changes to the warrior rank itself (vagueness is fun actually) or expanding on ‘warrior types’ rectifies the othering angle. ‘othering’ as a whole is just as bad as the ‘exception’ archetype people run for most warrior aus i want to state that clearly. effectively if youre gonna introduce roles that dont depend on fighting or hunting or both make sure theres abled cats who have them too. like say you want a camp-based role where a cats job is to fix dens or one where they help in the nursery, its far easier for a cat who cant run to manage those but also have some cats who are physically capable of doing other ‘tasks’ do the same thing for personal reasons

the tree comparison is interesting honestly cause i guess you could just give a cat a particular thing to do as a nonfixed position. and roles accordingly being made for a cat to fill until they cant and the positions done away with afterward. but youve gotta do it carefully so you dont fall into othering as ive said. id avoid something like that personally i just dont like the quality of ‘well theyre not a warrior (the most noble/useful concept in cat society) theyre actually some other thing’

in general giving disabled cats agency and choice is the best thing you can do. whether this means them deciding on tasks they can do themselves or picking a certain kind of warrior to be or asking for an assistant to help them out when they do stuff. the way you wanna pull it off again depends on my first question of “how does the relevant part of your warrior cat world treat disabled cats already”

very important point, the majority of the ableism also comes in the form of character narratives and not just the structure of the world itself. like think for a bit why the writers decided jayfeather shouldve been forced to be a medic or why briarlight got killed off early etc etc. characters ‘wanting’ to be like the abled ideal and still being bitter about not fulfilling that years down the line are just part of the ableist storylines. if youre abled id literally say just do away with those sadstuck ‘i wanted to be a warrior!’ moments. if you really want to id say pull a cinderpelt or a shadowsight where a cats time in the medicine den started their fascination with medicine and they switched to that path due to personal intrigue. id say a more interesting and realistic angle to it is having a disabled cat who found fulfilment in doing something else besides being a warrior becoming bitter about their entire clan ‘mourning’ how theyll never fight again or giving them the pretence of being a warrior being the best thing you can do.... it depends on the character really

this is just a very basic disability thing but stray from the whole ‘useless/dead weight’ way of regarding disabled characters. like dont place their worth on how well they service a clan or not theyre still deserving of shelter and whatnot. you dont need to justify a cats existence or usefulness by going ‘well they may be blind but their sense of smell is excellent so we keep them around’ or whatever its just no good

last thing i can think of is like. dont disregard how a cats disability affects them. like its fine that briarlight cant fight (or even hunt major types of prey) she doesnt need some convoluted method that lets her do that. there are like a dozen other warriors hunting and fighting and theres present value and enjoyment in the stuff she does around camp. she doesnt have to be brightheart 2 its ok

[tommysparker]

Never Forget You [Chapter 4]

A/N: hey y’all. just wanna say sorry for the posting schedule change. life is about to get hella hectic with school and the move sooo yeah. every second Saturday I will be posting! it’ll defiantly give me a chance to write more as well so im not rushing out chapters. anyways ive rambled long enough, enjoy :) 

Warnings: angst. theres fluff too but its fluffy angst?? im not sorry hehe. long italic paragraphs = flashbacks. 

From an outside perspective, one would assume the four of them were deep in thought, perhaps even communicating telepathically via the Force. They would only be half correct, as all of the Jedi were indeed thinking, but none of their trains of thought overlapped.  

Anakin and Ahoska were in the pilot seats, glancing at each other every other minute or so. They could feel the tension build thicker with every passing planet. The only sound filling the room was the faint running of the engine that kept the ship moving. 

You and Obi-Wan sat across from each other, neither one daring to make eye contact. Apparently, he was quite serious about the “not speaking from now on” agreement. It’s for the best, you kept telling yourself. However, the awkward silence that filled the ship made it harder to believe that. 

Out of all the things that could happen to you at the moment, this was by far the worst. 

On Gyfil, you had grown quite used to the sound of silence. In fact, over time you began to prefer it as opposed to the buzz of the towns. However, this was a different type of silence, one that had you bouncing your knee in anticipation for Anakin to announce you finally landed. 

Master Yoda had called you all for a mission briefing. There was a supposed Separatist group meeting on Ostor, given the intel you received from a client on your previous mission. The four of you were sent to listen in on it. 

“Young Skywalker and Padawan Tano, back up you will be. Great risks on Ostor, there are. Careful, you must be.” He turned to Obi-Wan and You. “Master Y/l/n, guide them you must do. In charge of the mission, I am putting you.” 

A sense of pride filled your body but you quickly humbled yourself. “Thank you Master.” 

Master Yoda smiled and turned to Obi-Wan. “Infiltrate the meeting, you and Master Y/l/n will. Stay together, you must.” 

Obi-Wan would have laughed at the irony. Mentally he still is. Stay together, you must. After the last conversation between the two of you, he had doubts about how that plan would go. However, for the sake of the mission he was willing to lift the deal made. 

You stood quietly, not being able to handle the loud silence any longer. “I’ll be in my quarters until we land,” you announced, making a point not to look at Obi-Wan and keep all attention to Anakin and Ahsoka. 

You left without sparing a glance back. 

He waited until you were out of view to let out a long sigh, running a hand over his beard and hunching forward. 

Anakin was the first to speak. “That was the worst thing I’ve ever had to endure.” His shoulders shook as he made a disgusted sound. “Glad it’s finally over.” 

“Just focus on getting us there in one piece, Anakin,” Obi-Wan snapped, immediately followed by, “apologizes, I didn’t mean to sound so...aggressive.” 

“So much for being able to hide stress, huh?” 

He smiled but it didn’t reach his eyes. “Some things are harder to deal with than others.” 

“Is Master Y/l/n ‘some things’?” Ahoska asked innocently. 

Obi-Wan pondered for a minute, deciding the best way to answer. “Master Y/l/n is...many things.” 

“Like what?” 

Gorgeous. Strong. Kind. Perfect in every way. “They are highly skilled, almost as well as I am, if not better. A fine Jedi and a valuable member to the Order.” He stopped there before he’d say something he’d come to regret. Best to keep professional thoughts. 

“I still don’t understand why the Council sent them away like that. Surely there were other Jedi that could have completed the mission,” Anakin commented. He knew his former Master wasn’t satisfied with the answer they were all given but would never admit it. He had to push him to find the truth. 

“Whatever reasons Master Yoda and Master Windu had for picking Y/n are between them. You must stop questioning the Council’s intentions, Anakin. It will land you in very big trouble one day.” Obi-Wan says as if he hasn’t second guessed the Order as a whole before. Ignorance is bliss, as they say. The less you question things, the easier life is. 

“That’s why I keep you around, old man,” Anakin said in a teasing manner. Hearing Obi-Wan let out a light chuckle made him feel a bit better as they settled into silence once more, this time more comfortable and light-hearted. 

A bit more time had passed before Ahsoka spoke up. “Why don’t you ask Master Y/l/n what really happened?” 

Obi-Wan sighed. He should have known better than to believe she would drop the topic. Like Master, like Padawan. “It’s none of my business. Frankly, it’s none of ours so I suggest we leave the subject alone.” 

His answer, apparently, wasn’t good enough. “I’m gonna go ask them.” Ahsoka stands up to leave but is stopped mid-movement by Obi-Wan’s protests. 

“No!” He looked at Ahsoka’s slightly stunned face, and chose to ignore Anakin’s smug look. “Fine, I’ll ask them. But only once, and if they don’t want to indulge me then that is the end of it. Do I make myself clear?” 

“Crystal.” 

Meanwhile, you sat alone on the bed in your chosen quarters. It made you feel relaxed, in a way. Before leaving, you were extremely extraverted, always going out of your way to make acquaintances with everyone around you. The life forces around you at night kept you alive, it gave a sense of warmth and comfort to lull you to slumber. On Gyfil, there was none of that. You had to rely on your own warmth to comfort yourself to sleep. No lush trees or animals to provide even the smallest bit of connection. It was just You and the Force. Sleeping for the first time in the Jedi Temple after returning felt like a sensory overload. Everything was loud, and rough. You could feel it coursing through your veins at the speed of light. No matter what you did, it was too much. 

You didn’t sleep the first few days. Eventually you got used to the noise, but not enough to get a decent amount of rest at night. There was one sound that sometimes made it impossible to sleep, one Force signature that kept trying to break through the walls you put up to protect yourself when you’re most vulnerable. What scared you the most was the fact your own signature subconsciously fought back against the walls you put. You refused to acknowledge it, choosing to fall into a deep meditative slumber and stay alert as opposed to any actual sleep. Whoever it was would not get into your head so easily. 

Knock knock. Obi-Wan stepped into the room once his presence was made known, gently shutting the door behind him. “Y/n…” 

You looked up and squinted at him. “I thought we agreed to not speak?” 

“Yes, well, that proves to be a bit tricky now doesn’t it?” He smiled tightly and crossed his arms over his chest. 

You huffed out air in a sorry attempt at a sarcastic laugh, shaking your head a little. “What do you want, Obi-Wan?” 

It was neither hostile nor endearing. It was simply his first name. To him you sounded tired, and judging by the way you sat on the cot, leaning back against the cold metal wall with your eyes half opened, he presumed his assumption was correct. He spoke gently, “Anakin estimates we should be coming out of hyperspace and landing soon.” 

“I figured.” It wasn’t your intention to be stoic but that's how you’ve been training yourself to speak to the man in front of you. The faster the conversation ends, the faster he leaves. 

Obi-Wan, however, was not having it. “How are you feeling? I know it hasn’t been that long since you returned from your previous assignment.” 

You shrugged, staring up at the ceiling. “I’m fine.” 

“No one who says that is ever truly ‘fine’ Y/n/n,” he says, taking a step closer to the bed. “I know you. What’s on your mind, darling?” 

You slowly met his gaze, debating whether to open up or keep yourself closed off. On one hand, the idea of exposing your anxieties to someone didn’t feel right to you, letting someone know about your weaknesses and insecurities. However, you knew in order for the mission to succeed you would have to be willing to work with Obi-Wan and to do that a sense of trust had to be built. Rebuilt, technically. 

“If you wish not to speak, I understand.” He hesitated turning his back to you, “excuse me.” He was about to make his leave before you interrupted. 

“Obi-Wan, wait,” You sighed, shifting so there was room for him to sit on the bed. “Sit.” 

He did as he was told, eyeing you carefully. “Honestly, I don’t mean to pry.” 

“It’s fine.” You knew his intentions and as pure as they were you cannot bring yourself to tell him the truth. “I admit that I...am slightly concerned about the mission.” 

It wasn’t the answer Obi-Wan was hoping for, but he was willing to hear anything he could get out of you. “You have nothing to be worried about Y/n/n. You’re an extremely capable Jedi and I have no doubt in my mind you will lead us through it.” 

You smiled, only slightly but a smile nonetheless. “Thank you.” 

“You’re welcome.” He smiled back. 

Your eyes locked tight with each other, and everything around you became emptiness. A void surrounded you both and the presence of the other was all that could be felt. 

“Staring competitions are pointless.” You rolled your eyes, sitting up straight and attempting to return your meditative state. 

“No they aren’t!: Obi-Wan argued from his spot across from you. 

“All you do is stare at each other until someone blinks. Waste of time.” 

“Nuh uh. Master Qui-Gon told me that--” Obi-Wan stood up, “--‘The eyes are a window to the soul’--” you laughed at the bad attempt he made to mimic his Master;s voice, “--therefore staring competitions can be a very good battle tactic.” 

“Jedi don’t do battles, remember? We’re peacekeepers.” You looked up at your friend. “Besides, you just want an excuse to get lost in my eyes.” 

Obi-Wan grinned. “You know me so well.” 

So much has changed about the man in front of you, you could hardly recognize him. You never allowed yourself the pleasure to examine what you missed out on. One moment he was a young man who looked like he could take on the universe, and now all you could see was one tired man doing his best. Oh, how the mighty have fallen, is what the old You would have teased. But post-living-ten-years-by-yourself You was different. In a way, you understood. Although you didn’t fight any life-threatening battles and put yourself in the line of fire every week, you have worked tirelessly towards the same goal. 

Peace. 

Like this moment. 

For once, it was quiet. You felt yourself relax slowly, focusing on the one noise that soothed your anxious mind. It felt warm and...close. Something you haven’t felt in a long, long time. 

Obi-Wan leaned closer, his heart reacting faster than his brain. He felt a warmth he had been longing for over a decade. When he reached out, he no longer felt desolate. He wanted to hold on to the feeling and never let go. 

But alas in time of war, small moments of peace only last for so long. 

“Hey! We’re here.”  

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reblog and comment what will happen on the mission  👀👀

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[actualbird]

Day two of me reading your fics the moment I wake up! Still a little asleep as I write this again fxjg but it's fine because man I loved this fic so much this is the post chapter 6 fic I needed in my life!!

Man the moment I saw "crying didn't fix you up" the sense of dread I felt became ridiculously strong aha. Funny how something said out of love can do so much damage.

Yeah empathy+the mindset Artem now has is absolutely going to be hell in a job as a lawyer. Especially in the universe of Tears of Themis because that's a ridiculously high number of tragedies that's happened in six chapters. I could see Joey's case or Skadi haunting someone long after everything has ended.

So the paragraph about Artem's thoughts about being asked how he's feeling Hurt Me So Much. Just the bleak way he describes sending feelings into a room and ignoring it and the "he would know" in another paragraph hit really, really hard. Excellent way to tie a character's past experiences with their way of doing things but also Pain.

The way the nightmare turns from short, clipped sentences in the first paragraph and morph into a run-on, frantic one in the last hurts me. That really is how thoughts go sometimes and I am in awe of how you portrayed it so well in text.

Riaaa I love you. Thank you for saying the words Artem needs to hear most. And hopefully this is a steop forward for Artem. Not a fix, God knows one cry session can't fix a mindset he's had sonce childhood but. A step.

So I remember a while ago talking about how I really adore repetition and boy did this fic deliver!! There's so much repetition of so many lines and yet it feels just right and never excessive. I would have loved this fic anyway, but with so much personal appeal? I really, really adore this fic, if I were to rank my enjoyment of your fics this would be in the top. Just, excellent fic, thank you so much for writing this!!!

🌌

HJVhjkHVKJ GMORNING, MILKYWAY!! thank u for reading "break it into pieces small enough to understand" like a morning newspaper, tho this morning newspaper swaps out the calvin and hobbes with artem and neuroses HKFJHASF

hhhhHHH this ask is so lovely, ive got lots to say in reply omg

that first scene w childhood artem is wholly me condensing like 8764982375 experiences of my own from my parents who said similar things to me also out of love. it's a sad truth that even stuff said out of love can be either the wrong thing to say at the moment or taken out of its context and embedded in a kid's mind for years or both. someone can come in wanting to alleviate pain and end up unintentionally giving an adage for its invalidation instead. it sucks. but it happens.

while i was projecting for a lot of this fic, the empathy was something completely foreign to me. artem has shown that hes very in tune with other people's emotions and i Do Not Have That Skill but exploring his in conjunction with all this leads to yepppppp. empathy is great, but it would also get frustrating and upsetting if one is working on the assumption that emotions need to come from a logical cause. frankly, i think everybody in the nxx team needs some therapy just for this bit at first, theyre taking in a LOT of heavy cases. hopeful ending as they may have, that still weighs on people. for artem, it weighing on him when it no longer can help is hellish.

eeEeeEEeeee im glad u liked those bits and also the repetition!! i really enjoy writing internal monolog and tryna lean into how they tend to sound when going thru ur head, if that makes sense. or at least my head, since i cant read minds. metaphorizing memory and bringing in an unraveling cadence and repetition cuz the brain likes to latch onto phrases and bring it back cuz it seems familiar and mind always wants to find patterns, and all that jazz. it's like dialog which i love So Much, but talking to yourself, and i just love writing any kind of talking in general

it's a step forward!!! it's not gonna fix anything just but thats okay, it doesnt have to. going at life with the mindset of fixing every problem immediately and ignoring bits that dont seem to directly work towards a solution, well, that actually brings artem wayyyy farther from a solution in the first place. sometimes ya gotta cry. and it wont make things better. but it's important to feel it anyway.

thank you so so much for this ask!! it made me smile lots :') and right before i gotta clock in at work too, a wonderful boost before job tasks jahvkhfaf

im glad you enjoyed the fic <3!!

[anotherhellchild]

📁❤️ I really like your head canons and wanted to see if you had any about Bakugou’s home life

oh boy okay well, tbh im in camp 'mitsuki and masaru bakugou are assholes' so disclaimer right away: This is not a mitsuki/masaru friendly post.

also, i got most my inspiration/ideas from Sif, her hc's and fics are amazing.

This is gonna be very general probably and also pretty messy/ all over the place but if anyone wants me to elaborate or clarify then just lmk. 

ALRIGHT SO, first and foremost, i think the bakugou’s r really neglectful. Theyve always worked very busy jobs together in the fashion industry and they go on lots of work trips and stuff. i think that from the moment they deemed it possible, mitsuki and masaru have been letting katsuki stay home alone for long periods of time. as katsuki kept getting older and more independent (which he had to be) I imagine theyd gradually start leaving for longer and longer. 

also, i think that the communication in the house is TERRIBLE. like, often times mitsuki and masaru would just not inform katsuki of their whereabouts and katsuki wouldnt inform them of his either cause,, nobody ever asked/cared. So most of the time katsuki’d just find out his parents are gone whenever theyre literally not there and then its just like, ‘shit, nobody made dinner’. or smth. 

and, obviously, the bad communication does not stop there. I feel like especially when he was younger, mitsuki would contradict herself on lots of things (as lots of parents do) like ”you are the child and i am the adult, therefore you must listen to me” but then she’s also like “You are not a child, stop acting like one and get your shit together”. Little katsuki would get so frustrated at this and so confused. I imagine that eventually he’d realize he can never be in the right with her, and thats when he starts resenting her a lot which builds up.

oh btw, I should mention; i dont think katsuki was planned at all. I dont think that mitsuku or masaru wanted to have a kid but then they did and it kinda threw their life around (obviously). mostly for mitsuki i think this effected her career quite heavily for a time and she’s blamed that on katsuki ever since. so she’s always resented him on a level.

But yeah, as i was saying, i think mitsuki and masaru r those types of people that were just never fit to be parents. they dont have the patience or care that u need for a child and it shows. I think masaru is the type to ignore and mitsuki is the type to get frustated too easily and lose her cool. So whenever katsuki was being ‘annoying’ or ‘bad’ he’d immediately be shut up or ignored. No time for explanations or reasoning.

Now, if we go back a step,, katsuki is a super independent kid. a consequence to this is that he’s had to teach himself a lot of things and sometimes those things just arent right. He doesnt know that though because he’s had to collect his knowledge from all over the place, which he thinks is normal. so then for example: maybe he’s fought with a kid at school and the bakugou’s are called. They’re both extremely mad at him but he doesnt understand why. If he gets hit, why would he not be allowed to hit too? Is that not how it works? WOuldn’t that be unfair?

but yeah, because he’s basically had to figure the world out himself, with mostly bad influences to look up to. he’s got a pretty messed up worldview. 

Now, i ALSO think that despite mitsuki and masaru not really caring about katuski in general, they DO want to have that ‘we have a good kid’ status, yknow? like, they cant have katsuki embarrassing them or something. I think he’d be dragged along to a lot of places he never wanted to go (dinners, fashion shows, whatever) and forced to wear all fancy clothes and act all neat with no reward. consequences for ‘being a little bitch’ as his mom puts it, are not pretty.

he’s a smart and talented kid too though, and it seems, even to masaru and mitsuki, like he doesnt have to do much for it. which makes them think he’s lazy and stuff and thats not good. so they expect him to work for everything he does at 100% . again, consequences are not pretty.

generally as well, i think there are so many fights in the house. katuski speaks up whenever he disagrees with bullshit and even though he’s never won an argument, he’s always wanted to. so he’s not going to stop. 

so yeah, basically theyre strict, neglectful and abusive. There are extreme’s they go to, and because katsuki is just the type to disobey shit he doesnt agree with, those are often used.

It’s been said by Sif before, but i really like the idea that todoroki and bakugou both had bad childhoods but in opposite directions. Thats probably the best way to describe it.

Actually, Ive had a fic in my head for a long time that would partly focus on katsuki’s entire childhood and kinda explain my thoughts on it

But anyway, this is getting ridiculously long and i probably have more i could say plus i can definitely go into more detail. as you can see though, my thoughts are a fucking mess. hopefully this made some sense. again, let me know if u wanna know more! :)